A New Day

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[coughing] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, ****. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. -You're the Marine? -Yeah. -You're the ex-con. -Yeah, I did time, but you only gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. -It's your first job? -I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! -What are you doing? -Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Howdy, folks. Welcome to episode two, which is really like episode six or seven, something like that. Like, all of these were recorded in one-hour chunks and released over a series of months. Um... Uh, now, the problem is a save file got corrupted a long time ago, so we lost a good three-hour chunk.

Of us sitting around playing, which was basically the tail end of the "Keep the Shadow Fail" campaign the gang was playing. To sum up quickly, basically, it was a lot of grindy fights leading up to the cult leader, the Orcus Cult. Not a ton of remarkable stuff happened in that episode, so you're not missing too terribly much. It was a lot of experience grinding, and... They ended up fighting the cult leader at the end, who was sucked into a dimensional hole he was opening after he lost control of it, and basically cut in half. So... After that happened, they were to be knighted at Winterhaven, and there was a huge celebration.

Picture the end of Star Wars, something like that. Of course, there was a little bit of confusion with that, and we'll get into it later on in this episode you're about to listen to. Now, what ended up happening was we didn't get together for another month or two, something like that, and a couple of the guys from the TWR Network, which is a pro wrestling podcast station we run, it's 24/7, TWRNetwork.com, you can check that out if you're into pro wrestling. If not, don't worry about it, it has nothing to do with this episode. But... Shane and Andrew, a couple of buddies of ours, wanted to get in on the act and try it out.

Andrew has never played D&D, and isn't too terribly interested in D&D, so it's really weird that he would want to play. But... yeah, anyway. And Shane, of course, is our ADD-stricken friend who wanted to get in on the act. He's a really good guy, so... They get in on it, and this episode is absent... Trayus. I'm trying to think, who else is in it? No, Trayus and Thoril are the only two returning characters for the first part of this episode. Basically, it's telling a secondary story, and then the characters all meet up again, and yeah, that starts off this whole new big campaign.

So, I hope you guys enjoy it. Let us know what you think, you can give us an email. You can give us an email at jasonmmassey1980@gmail.com. That's pretty hard to remember, I know. Or you can just leave us a message at... our wrestling podcast. Wrestlingrandomness@gmail.com, you can do that too. So, either way, let us know what you think. I got a few more episodes to post after this, and then you'll be all caught up. So, let us know what you think, and we'll try and tailor future episodes to what you guys want to see. Enjoy. Anybody who listened to the old one, we pretty much stopped that campaign, because, I mean, Dan's been busy and stuff, so we really couldn't do anything.

And then he got sick, so now we really can't do anything. So, basically, what's happening is we're starting semi-fresh. There's only two characters that we're bringing over from the first campaign, and that's Jay's character of Traeus and Tyler's character of Thoril. Yay! -We lived. -Aha. Oh, so, okay, Shane and Andrew are new to this. And I'm gonna... Now, Shane kind of knows what's going on, because he listened to the old episodes. Andrew has no friggin' clue what's going on, so... I'm looking at a grid. It looks like a piece of graph paper. Yes, it's designed to look like that.

Okay, I'm not gonna ask you to speak in a voice for your character. -No, that's ridiculous. -I'm not gonna... -I am a dragon. -'Cause there's certain stereotypes for Dungeons & Dragons where it's like, "Oh, we're all gonna... I want you to dress in costume and show up on webcam." -Yeah. -We don't have to dress in character? -No, we don't have to. -Oh, take off those tights. -Damn it. -[LAUGHS] I imported his pantaloons. [LAUGHS] But, I mean, yeah, we don't have to do any of that. So, if you have a question, just sound off. I'm not asking you to speak in a voice or roleplay as your character or anything like that.

We're not doing that. So, we're starting out in the town of Overdale. It's a medium-sized city kind of nestled in the hills. It's actually pretty elevated. It's got plenty of merchants and travelers and townsfolk and all that. It's a pretty big city, like, compared to Winterhaven, the last town you guys visited. So, after Tracius and Thoril, there was some unpleasantness with you guys. -So, we're walking down the trail. -The poor mare's buying. Just Thoril and Tracius walking down, shooting on the dumbass robot that we had to keep saving. Yes, you guys split off from the old group.

You guys specifically were asked to leave town. Thoril, it's a shame what happened to the mare's daughter, wasn't it? God, oh, well. New beginnings, right? [LAUGHTER] So, you guys travel south. You're tired of the cold. You're tired of that old group right now. -It's... -She said she was 18. [LAUGHTER] It's okay, just keep your mustache on. They'll never find us. Never find us. [LAUGHTER] So, you guys came to settle in this new town, Overdale, which was actually a bunch of smaller towns that kind of got together. And because it's kind of placed on a ledge, so they have...

You can't really sneak up on them. They're kind of... There's a waterfall behind them and everything. It's a nice, open field in front of it. So, they only have to have guards placed on that one tower or wall or anything. So, it's a really big, robust place with a lot of decent protection, as long as you're within the city walls and stuff. If you're one of the farmers on the outskirts, then, you know, anything can happen to you. So, you guys were asked to leave at Arrow Point, and you came here. [LAUGHTER] Wow. You guys met Raphael, which is Shane's character, who's pretty much a thief and an asshole.

Yeah. [LAUGHTER] -Shavar's the mage. -Shane's character, by the way. [LAUGHTER] He just looks greasy. I would not trust him. He looks like he's always wet, you know? -Mm-hmm. -What the fuck have you been? [LAUGHTER] It hasn't rained in days. What are you swimming? Justin's character, Shavar, which I guess is kind of a cowardly... Just kind of a... He's got a lot of power and everything. He just doesn't want to get into a fight. And then we got Andrew's character, Atticole, who is a druid. -Now, you guys have all lived in town. -Where is he? -Yeah, where is he?

-He's up top. -At the TWR ladder? -Yes. -Oh, okay, I see. Sorry. -It's alphabetical order, but he is at the top of the TWR ladder, so that does make sense. And I don't know how you want to play your character, Andrew, -but that's all up to you. -Okay. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] You sound so nervous about it. So, you guys arrived in town and met these other guys, and a lot of the common jobs were taken, like farmer, blacksmith, and you guys don't really have any skills other than stab at stuff, and, you know, like your hired guns. So, you took up residence in this old stable, and you're converting it.

So, it's not even a true house, it's really like, it's covered in old horseshit, and like you're converting this old place, but it's the biggest place you can afford. So, and you started getting to work as soon as you arrived, telling the townsfolk of everything you've done as adventurers for hire. Not everything, no, no, no, that's not the ending of that story, -but how it's like, oh, we... -It wasn't a bad ending, though. Leaving out what happened between us and the mayor. I'd love to hear it, like old Batman animated series episodes, where it's like, talk about what happened after the adventure went off the air.

The untold story about what happened after we saved the people. There's only two of us left. -Yeah, I'd love it. -So, you guys get to work telling everybody, you know, everything. It's like, oh, we fist-fault dragons, and we, I mean, like, you pass yourselves off as larger than life, and eventually, the town kind of crowds around you guys as, you know, you're their champions. Like, if anything ever creeped up, you would take care of it. And they let you live there for free, they bring you free food and drink, and, like, blacksmiths will work on your stuff for free, and, I mean, they treat you like gods.

And the mayor of the town decided to put you on retainer just in case anything did happen. Like I said, they're pretty well protected, but, I mean, you guys, you guys have passed yourselves off as, you know, you can take anything. You're the shit. And you took on Raphael, Shavar and Atticle, like, as apprentices. Like, it's like, you know, and you didn't tell... They continue to think that you're, you know, the shit. So, you guys pretty much all live in this abandoned stable that you're still converting. You're fine a stable, please. Yeah, thank you. And you lived there for six months with nothing happening in town.

You basically wake up, drink and eat, do whatever you want in town and go to bed. And there's nothing to do. There's no danger in this town. There's no... So, that lasts for six months, and then one day... the mayor's aide comes to you, and he wants to tell you about several abductions that have taken place with a lot of the farmers and herdsmen that have existed. Like, they're on the outskirts of the wall. So, during the day, the cattle is out feeding and stuff, and then about nightfall, they start bringing everything back into the walls. And several townspeople have gone missing, and they've traced it back to a cave that if you walk down this hill, this side of the mountain, like way down below, behind this waterfall, there's a cave, and a group of vampires have moved in.

Crap. Now... It's the brood. Vampires would tear regular people to shreds, but you guys are gods among men. So, you've told them a tale about how you tamed a dragon, and like... Which is partially true. Partially true. Yes. I feel like the way the story was told was that the people went out grazing with the cows and just didn't come back. Well, someone's gotta watch the cows, and then, you know... Okay. Like Bauke from Perfect Strangers. That was his job. So, they're gonna pay you 1,000 gold to go take care of this problem, but you're on retainer anyway, so that's kind of your duty.

That's why they pay you to sit around all this time, just in case something happens. So, your job, should you choose to accept it, is to go take care of this vampire problem and see if you can rescue the townsfolk. Yeah, let them get eaten. End of the story, guys. Good night. And so they did. And so they quickly ran. Fuck 'em. I don't know, we might as well. I need to fix up the stable. We need money, guys. Fuck the problem, let's fix up the stable. You know what I just thought would be awesome? -What's that? -If the woman from the... Carmen Sandiego game show told us this mission.

Gumshoes? Let's not fuck heads. We're going up. [chuckles] So, that's your little abandoned stable that we're staring at now. I'm going to go ahead and... I'm pretty sure you guys are all pretty much... -Looking at it. -Yeah. So, I'm going to go ahead and... Pop. There we go. That's the beginning of this cavern. And if you want to go ahead and place your characters right at the top... How do I do that? What you do is you take your character on the left-hand side and just click on the icon and drag him over. Do I have to use the pointer mode? -Yes. -We... -Or... -Yeah, that would seem to be letting me...

-Yeah, usually not. -Yeah. Okay. Wait. Oh, wait. That might be in the options. Sorry. Great. Great. Pointer mode, trying something. I keep forgetting that this kind of changed hands. So, I'm making sure that everything is managed settings. He ran away. Shit. -Token movement restricted. -That'll do. Okay, try it now. Okay. Very good. -So, on the very top... -Yep. -Okay. -Whoo! And there's... That's darkness. Try and place it in the path. On the path. [LAUGHTER] Wait a minute. Hold on now. How do I...? -Just grab him. -Yeah, you just move him around. Down with your hands. So, this is your...

I would probably put yourself behind us. I'm behind everyone. You're in the wall now. [LAUGHTER] -There. -Anything blackness, consider that like a cliff, something like that. -I'm in the shadows. -There we go. [LAUGHTER] Quiet. Six leaves under where we are because you fell. Okay, Almighty God, save us from the brood. So, what you see in front of you... First of all, it's pitch black in this place. It's pretty damn dark. Mm-hm. What you see in front of you, there's two ways you can go, two different paths, and you can investigate those if you want. You can move forward.

It's up to you. Where do you guys want to go? I say move forward. We should move forward. We should investigate, like do a roll or something. Can I use an ability real quick? -Sure. -Would it be helpful? Sun's Glow, just to illuminate the place. Is that an attack or is that...? It says it's an action melee attack, but there's no attack component to it. And... Let's see, Target Shield sheds a bright light that fills up space and square within four squares of it. -So it lasts for one hour. -The light lasts for one hour until you see the power again. Okay. So I don't know if that'll help perception or not, but...

As long as it lights up the place. And it's only gonna light up like four squares around you. -But yeah. -I'll use traps. -Sure, you can use it. -I can't tell if this is a dungeon or not. -Maybe I can do a Dungeoneering check. -To cave. Oh, dude, any time you're out, it doesn't have to be a dungeon dungeon. Like, Dungeoneering is for like traps and things like that out in the wild. -That's... Yeah. -All right. You could be in a big city and use Dungeoneering. If I have the +8 bonus, that's the d20+8 for the roll, right? -Yep. -All right. , I'm gonna do a d20. Mmm.

Oh, you got a 13. Okay, I'm sorry. It usually makes a noise. They took away the noise. That's weird. There's little tiny changes in here that I'm not used to. Yeah, you don't see any traps or anything directly in front of you. Hmm. I'm on stupid stuff low right now. Oh, God, my ankle. Sorry, guys, usually I get a better roll on that. It's okay. As long as your attack rolls are higher, that's fine. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Andrew, there's no rules that say you... I mean, you can come up with anything that you wanna try. I'm gonna do a Dungeoneering check. Dungeoneering check, for those who don't know, is basically trying to detect traps or hidden walls or something like that.

Hidden walls, that's more perception, but yeah, go ahead, Justin. Here we go. You see even less than Tyler did. What are they doing? They're doing Dungeoneering checks, which is basically just checking to see if there's any traps or hidden panels or something in the floor. And how well did they do? Well, Tyler rolled a 13, Justin rolled a 9. -So not great. -Not good enough, huh? No. I mean, they don't see anything in the remote area. Jay lit up a nice big space in front of you. You don't see anything, it just looks like a shitty cavern. Yeah. -Can I do a history check?

-There's no blood on the walls. You wanna do a history check on the cavern? -Yeah, why not? -Sure. How about on the ground to see if there's any... History stuff. -History stuff on the ground. -Yeah, it makes sense, right? To see, like, "Oh, there's a lot of history in this ground." -Maybe. -You guys should not believe it. I love it that you always do a history check. Not a perception, not a... It's a cavern, it's been a cavern all its life. Really? That's the history check? That's the history of this cavern, it's been a cavern. Never had any other aspirations other than to be a cavern.

-Streetwise, anybody? -That's like doing a history check on a tree. -Streetwise, why? -It used to be smaller. -There's no streets here. -No streets. -No streets in the cave. -Okay, okay. Let me reign this in a little bit. Hold on. 'Cause you guys have yet to make one step in this game. -Hold on. -Let's do it. I'll step forward. I have armor, I'll step forward. -How far can I step forward? -Yeah, it's wherever you guys wanna go. There's two paths and then there's a straightforward path. You're off the map. There's two doors you can try. There's two hallways, that is, and then there's a door at the far end.

I'm there right there. I trigger anything yet? -Nope. -Okay, good. -I see a line going down. -I know. You're fine. -It's pitch black again. -I was thinking just straight. Whatever you think is... Double A, what do you think? You're kinda quiet over there. -You are thinking this. -Open this door. Okay. The door on the left is locked. -Damn it! -But it can be picked. The door on the right is wide open. Can I pick it? -How's your luck pick? -It's gonna be... Yeah, it's gonna be like a thievery check. -I have +10 thievery. -Go for it. So, what do I do? -What you do is you go down to the dice roller.

-Okay. And you're gonna click on the d20 and then go to the bonus and give yourself a 10. Okay. And just for the purposes of this first roll, normally I have a number written down to open this door. I'm gonna tell you what it is right now. You need at least an 18 to open this door. -Shit. -All right, let's see this. -Oh! -13, so no dice. -Fuck! -Now, the door can be beaten down too. I'm gonna try. What a bluff. -That's even here. -You say your name's a door. I think you're a dork. That opened it, holy shit! I don't know. -(LAUGHTER) -Consulting it worked, no. I wanna spook it.

What's your thievery check, Justin? -Thieve is a zero. -Okay, so... -I had +10. -I think. I don't know. Thievery, yes, +0. -So... -My first roll. Can we just get Tyler to Falcon Punch the thing open? Mine's a +5, so I'll try this one. I had the most and I still couldn't open it. -Yeah! -Okay. Tyler picked the lock and he's not even the best thief on the team. -Yeah, what the fuck? -Okay. We're gonna go ahead and go into... Oh, my God. It's the Octagon, the TNA ring. (LAUGHTER) Now you have to wrestle in TNA for all eternity. -I'm sorry. You've lost. -No! I'm sorry. You guys are giving me mid-quarters in TNA.

You betrayed us. Well, we get a title shot first and then... Okay, you're entering a... There's a small little hallway that leads into this open room. It's not real big. In the center of it is a coffin with four spikes put through it. -Oh. -That's Dracula. That's the only thing that's visible in this room. Okay, let's go to it. Whoa! Wait a second. You can tell this is his first... Shouldn't the vampire be dead? Here's the thing, Shane. Usually in this game there's always something. -Yeah. -We always check first. I say "Send AA in." Okay. (LAUGHTER) You're probably the most crafty of us.

You step forward and just step in front of it. -Can I? -Go for it. -Wait a second. -I'm gonna die, aren't I? -No. -Of course not. -Should we do some checks first? -Yeah, he's doing it. Shane's just doing a human check. Can I do a thievery check? Hold on, wait. I'll do a... Insight is for people, right? Insights for people, perception is for your area around you. -Like, if you wanna... -Let me see. Hold on. Oh, by the way, I know people are lost listening to this. If this is your first time listening to this... Or, Andrew or Shane, you can go to your character on the right-hand side and look up your specific character and then go to, like, skills.

Uh-huh. Each one of those skills that you... Now, when you made your character, you picked things you were good at. Right. So, what happens is that every one of these skills will come up at a certain point. Like, Dungeoneering is for looking around, like, a dungeon or specific area that you're exploring and seeing if there's any traps or there's any, you know, something like that. So, whatever the number is next to your Dungeoneering is the modifier for the D20 you're rolling. It's always gonna be a D20 for a check. So, your goal is to get to the number that I have written down on this side.

And whatever the number is next to that, that's your bonus. So, the higher the number, the better you are at that. It doesn't matter if it's checked or not? Doesn't matter if it's checked or not, no. -Checked means that you're good at it. -Oh. I'm gonna use my passive perception on the coffin in the middle of the room there. -Okay. -Shit. The coffin itself looks to be used as a... Like a chest, more or less. Like, it's not... It looks to be like a trophy, something like that, maybe a vampire. Like, it looks like someone put four spikes right through it. And it looks to be more or less like in remembrance of someone, something like that, but they're mainly using it for storage.

-I got an idea. -Okay. Set it on fire. [LAUGHS] Do it! Do it! Get out of the way. All right, go. Take your best shot. What is it, a magic missile that would be the best one? No. You had to scream "magic missile" while you attack. -Let me see Justin's... -That's a force. Arcanine flamethrower. [LAUGHS] I can use Burning Hands, but I have a feeling that's right in my face. You have to touch it. You get the touch. -Use Fire's power. -Yeah, you can walk up to it and touch it with Burning Hands to burn it. Fountain of flames. That's an encounter power. That's a daily power.

So if you use it now, that's it. I might cast Light on it so I can see what I'm gonna set on fire. How about that? How about you cast Light? -I'm gonna cast Light on it. -Okay. So Justin's using a power called Light. Anytime you want to use one of your powers, you go to the Powers tab under your character on the right-hand side. And then each one of the little powers has a description. If you don't understand the description, I'll explain the whole thing. -Why are there some red and some green? -Okay. Green ones are at willpowers. You can use them as many times in a battle.

-Red ones are... -For a turn? Yes, not over and over again per turn. Red ones are in counter powers, which means you can only use those once in a fight. And daily powers you can only use once a day. -They're in black. -Yes. -Oh, so I only have one. -Those are your big ones. -That's your Abalon. -That's your Megazord. -Yes. -Oh, okay. Megazord makes sense. -Yeah, that one I understand. -Okay. You got that one. If a fight's not going your way or you need to wrap it up quickly, try your daily power and that'll usually... So, Justin, you're casting Light on the coffin itself?

Yes. So the target sheds a bright light until the end of the encounter or until you use the power again. The Light fills the target space and all the squares within four squares of it, putting the Light as a free action. So you Light up the coffin, so you see the outside of it's just coated in blood. And there are four spikes that were hammered through this thing. And there does appear to be a lock on the outside of it. So something valuable... I mean, it would stand to reason that something valuable would be inside. I want to open it. Go for it. Okay, so...

Uh... Hafeo moves up to it and you are... This is a thievery check. -Uh-huh. -And I have a number on my side. So you can use thievery, Dungeoneering... -D20? -It's a D20 plus whatever your thievery skill is. -Plus 10. -Mm-hmm. Alright. Oh. Wow, that's awful. What the hell? Can I try it? I guess Tyler's the next best at that batch. -Oh, yeah. -I guess I'll try it. What the hell? Why am I rolling awful? -Uh, you got a 15? -Yeah. Uh, no dice. No dice. I want to try again. [LAUGHTER] You tried once, you can't... -Like, that's kind of a rule. -Oh! I broke the lock. -You must have a good thievery check.

-Set it on fire. I got minus one. That'll work. Let's do it. [LAUGHTER] I'm the best one, and yet I sucked. Yeah, that's a bad sign. You've only had two dice rolls and both of them are pretty low. -So hopefully that doesn't come up like that. -You're due for a good one. -Yeah. -Yeah. Uh, now there's more than one way to get into a chest. What are the other ways? -Rank you. -Beat your way into it. Blow it up. Yes? Thinking about using magic as force. Can I do a religion check on it? -It's force. -Religion? On the chest? -Yeah. -What religion do you think the chest would have?

What about history, huh? [LAUGHTER] I want to try to intimidate the chest. [LAUGHTER] -Damn it, Owen, for history. -I stole it from me. How old is that fucking blood? Twelve. OK, history, OK. Obviously this was a coffin that a vampire used at one point. Twelve's pretty low, so... You don't know whether it ended good or bad for him, but it's coated in blood and, again, four goddamn spikes are hammered through it. -So obviously he... -So what are the other ways we can open this? -You started that and then... -Oh, that's up to you. I'm just saying that there are more than one way.

I mean, it's a chest. It's a big wooden coffin, basically. -Burn it. -You do the math. Uh-huh. -Burn it. -I could use Magic Missile. What that does is like a force move, where it will hit it and just blast it. I have a good idea. Can AA turn into a gorilla and break it? Uh... He really wants this gorilla to feel like a... A gorilla's stronger than us. Can he just lift it and break it? That's a daily power for him, though. -Uh... -Can we be able to break through it with a battle axe, I would assume? Like, if we could use our attack almost on it? Sure. Who has a big axe?

Well, I got a battle axe and I got a melee base. -Perfect. -I could have just... -Go for it. -So... Go for it, Tyler. -I have one. -All right. Pounce. See if I can just beat my way into this. AA, wait, you have a move called the Pounce? Oh, shit! Holy crap. -He's the alpha male. -He wins. Uh-huh. That is awesome. -I got a 20. -Okay. Oh, wow. Let me explain to you what's about to happen. Oh, fuck. If any one of you would have made a Perception check... -There you go. -I did. You... When? I rolled a 16. I had a passive Perception, a 16. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This wasn't a passive thing.

Shane's running for the hills. Yeah, it doesn't matter. -I'm gonna die. -What's happening here is... The room is filled with what... It's a very flammable... -Oh, shit. -Oh, wow. It's a very flammable gas, essentially. And it's meant as a security system. Don't run. I'll just make it worse. Now, what's happening is, basically, if you were to pick the lock on this thing and open it that way, then there's no trigger for this trap or whatever. Hammering through it, on the other hand, creates a spark... which ignites the room. But does no damage to the treasure inside.

-Okay, what about the person inside of it? -What? Everyone in the room and the corridor... It's flooded past this door. Everyone's gonna take five damage. Right. Fuck. Nothing we can do about that now, because it's just such a tight space. In the chest, though, there's 300 gold. Yeah, right, mine. You didn't do anything! Which... Oh, yeah, if you didn't listen to the previous campaign, Justin does this. He does a lot. Like, if there's money, it's... -Yes. -He's there. He's claimed it. He's teabagging it. It's his now. Actually, you know what? I'm gonna roll to see if this damage hits you.

That's only fair. -Well, it's all over. -Yeah, well, I mean, it's all over, but some of you are wearing better armour than others, so... -How do we check that? -I'm gonna do... I'm gonna roll an attack against each one of you here. Yeah. So, this is a D20+6, let's say. This will be, again... I'm just gonna run down the list. So, that's, Andrew, that's 15. Does that hit your AC? How you know is you check the number next to the letters AC. -OK. -And if it's at that number or higher than it hits you. -It's higher. -OK. So, that does five damage to you. And then, Shane, 18.

Where do I check? Say it again. Look at your character, your portrait. Yes. And look at the little thing that says AC. That's your armour class. I'll check it for him. Hold on. -This is 17. -OK, that'll hit you too. Justin. -19. -Yes. OK. Tyler, 17. No. I feel like what's gonna happen is I beat it with a hammer and just fire hits everybody and I'm just standing there perfectly fine. -Fire Pokémon. -And Jay, 21. Barely over, barely over, yeah. So, the guy who triggered the trap just hurt everybody in the room -except himself. -What? That's bullshit. So, I imagine this happening where it's just I drive my axe in, the whole thing just fills with fire, but I just stand there perfectly fine.

God damn it. Just like the marriage daughter all over again. Shit. -That's how we lost it. -Bullshit. -Never recover their bodies. -Shit. -That's wrong. -It's like the episode Red vs Blue when Tex throws the giant chest at him. And Tucker just slices it with his sword. Is there any more adventure to find in this hallway or do we leave? Um, there... OK, does someone have their... OK, I was hearing a reverb. -I knew you were a reverb. -Yeah. So, OK, that's basically it in this place. You found the treasure, you triggered a trap. There's nothing left in this place, so...

Probably you, dude. Yeah, I'm trying to figure out if that's coming from anyone specific. And I can't adjust people's health. -What? -I'm noticing that. I don't know why. Hold on a second. Let me try this. -Weird. OK. -I can't. I can't. So what do I do? Let me try closing this out and open it up again real quick. -OK. -Yeah, 'cause it's gotten hung up once or twice. Takes a second. Reverb sucks. Yeah, that might be double A Skype, but it won't come out in the recording, -so that's all that matters. -OK. -Do you think I just hang up and call back in? -Yeah, it happens.

It's fine. Let's see what we can do. So that, and I'll reopen it. I blame Tyler. It's probably his fault. -What happened? -Hit him with a hammer. -You were cheering him on. -Yeah. -Yes. -I'm not accountable. Fuck you. You shouldn't listen to me. I'm a terrible person. -Yeah. -Yeah. You can't trust my guy. -Which is always a part of your memory. -I'll put the touch of the hammer. Snow cone. Don't worry, guys. I didn't get hurt. You will get hurt. So you guys are traveling back out into the hallway. Bam. Really? I say we go to the door that's open now. Yeah. Wait, why is it say here on my screen that nobody took any damage?

OK, I got it now. It's letting me. Yeah, I didn't take any damage. Oh, don't worry. I'll give you all your damage. Don't worry. -It's all two. -Awful. No. I'm gonna die. -Bam. -There's a door down to the south. Mm-hmm. Where would you guys like to go next? The one that's open. They're both open. Wanna just go to the one at the bottom then? Sure, fine. Seems a good move linear way in. All right, so you guys are all working your way towards the bottom. OK. Stop right there. Oh, shit. Frickin' Thorol! I hear something like... The audio's not good. -That's what we've been talking about.

-It's a reverb. Andrew, could you call out and call back in? -Sure. -OK. There you go. See? It's gone. And... You're right. It's the way he's got his speakers run through. It does it sometimes. OK. OK, it's gone. Awesome. -Mm-hmm. -All right. Uh... As you're making your way down this hallway, this is a pretty big, wide-open room, and there's a door in front of you. Now, out of the shadows... It's a pedophile. -It comes four pedophiles. -It's Edge. [LAUGHS] You think you know him. [HUMMING] -It's Edge. -Oh, shit. Four vampire spawns, which are basically lightweight versions of vampires.

They may have just turned. I mean, they haven't been vampires real long. It could have been the farmers that we were hearing about. Oh. -It could be. -You don't recognize them. -I'm being serious. -Yeah, you're not being right, though. It could be. I like that. I'm being serious. I'm gonna add you guys, and then we're gonna roll initiative. -All right. -20? -Oh. -Yeah, 20. Hold on, where's the... Hold on. Tell them where to find their... -Modifier? -Yeah. I have your modifiers all listed here. -So I'll... Yeah. -Look at her details. I think. -Yep. Plus one. -Yeah, there you go.

-Plus zero. -Oh, oh, oh, oh. -I could put one. -Vampire one. -And we're rolling... -Vampire 13. -Okay, I don't know what I'm doing. -Six. Yeah, this... Okay. Jay, explain initiative to them while I'm... Roll a d20, and I think it's only if you get a certain level, so maybe Thoril might have one, but check your details where it says stats. Like, right under stats, you'll see a thing where it says "initiative" and then a number on top of it. You add that to whatever the d20 is. Holy shit. What you're rolling for... What you're rolling for is your turn order. Like, you're in a fight now.

Like, these four guys, you just wandered into this room and you're gonna fight. So this determines whose turn it is. -Between you and them. -Oh, there you go. Where do I look under stat details? -Yes. -And then what? -Stats? -Right below it on the... Yeah, right below it on the left side, it says a number and then initiative below it. -Five. -It may very well be a zero. -You have five? -Yeah, you have a five. -So you add a five to the d20 roll. -Okay, there you go. -So just plus five? Okay. -Yep. Justin got a 13. So... Five, 13. Oh, shit! Oh, shit, the DM is in here now.

Shit, okay. I got... 13? -You got a six, Jay? -Yes. -I got 13. -Okay, one second. I'm adding those all now. Double A got an 18. -Gotcha. -Wow, okay. Eighteen is good. You like 18. Eighteen is your friend. Okay. Right, we're trying strong. Get him, boy. Come on. Let's see, who... Shane rolled a 13. Tyler? -21. -Whoa! Nice. Christ. So, yes, this is good stuff. And... Much better than our other rolls used to be. -So this makes our HP go up? -No. This decides your turn order. Like, this decides... Okay, basically... Like, I'll show you right now. Look, there's a tab called Initiative.

There, now I sorted it. That's your turn order based on who rolled what. So I'm pretty much third, I think. No. -You're fourth. -Well, you're fourth. After one of the vampires goes. -Oh. -Yes, because they... Everyone's taking a turn. So first up, it's gonna be Tyler. You got a 21. Then it's gonna be Andrew. Then one of the vampires. Then Shane. Then Justin. And so on and so on. And then when we reach the bottom, we go right back to the top. You got it. Okay. Don't run up, boss. You got it. That was so weird. [LAUGHS] Tyler, your turn. All right. I guess... Kind of let them know, since we're actually in the battle, that on their profile thing, that they can only move the amount of spaces that their speed says.

That would be under Details, I believe? Yeah, kinda. It's just there under their, like... Oh, yeah. It's up to... Yeah, okay. -Profile, yeah. -Next to your picture. -Right under your race. -Yes. Yeah, it says Speed. That's the maximum amount of... -Squares. -...spaces you can move. That's why it's a grid formation. So every turn, you get a move. You can move once and you can attack once. Or you can choose to do nothing. I mean, yeah. But you can't attack twice unless there's a power that gives you the option to attack twice, like Tyler has. It'll specify, though. It's not up in the air.

It'll specify, like, this does not count as an attack move. Yeah. We'll walk you through it, if anything's confusing. So, Tyler, you're moving up to Vampire number 3. Good old melee basic attack. -Oh, yeah. -20. 20 against AC, right? -Mm-hmm. -Oh, yeah, that hit him. And he's dead. -Hang on, let's get the damage. -Fine. -12. -And he's dead. Still dead. How about that? -You're killing it! -What do I get? I'm tired of people asking me if there's something wrong with the podcast. It's on PodBeans end. I can't do anything about it. -Hey, Jason. -Yes? Is there something wrong with the podcast?

-Ooh! -I can't download it. What am I paying you for? I've gotten 50 goddamn emails and tweets about it and I keep telling people I can't do anything about it. The Internet is never at fault. You understand this, right? I know. So that pretty much wraps it up for you, Tyler. -You... -You need to go home now. -You have your quota for the day. -You killed him. -You bagged an vampire head. -You walk up. You lodge an axe in its skull. -Yeah, he just... -I'm good. He's just gone. Dead. Gone. Um, next up... -You got the touch, man. -Andrew. That's a tough act to follow, Andrew.

I don't know what you'd like to do. Uh, okay. I guess I gotta move. Now, how many spaces can you move here? Can I move? I don't know. I just move. -Oh, no. -You can move sixes. -You can move six spaces. -Yep. So, just count... Like, you see the little squares? Okay, one, two, three, four, five, six, I guess. -Yep. There you go. -There you go. Well, you can... Like, okay. You don't count the space that you're in. So, like, one, two, three, four, five, six. So, yeah, you could pretty much move where you were in front of that one vampire if you wanted. -Okay. -One, two, three.

Yep. -Okay. -You wanna attack him with something? -Sure. Hold on. Let's see here. -Sure. Powers... I guess I'll use whatever this thing is. This... What the hell? I'll try... I guess pounce? -All right. Now... -Pounce! I think you need to be in some sort of beast form to do that. Uh, A, let's then Dynamic Assault. -Okay. -Dropkick. -Why is that funny? -Dropkick. -It's David. -So, this is how that... Okay, so, one ally within five squares of you... Within five squares of the target can take a free action to move a number of squares up to your constant. -So, yeah, that's...

-Wow. -Holy shit. -Why is William calling me? I don't know why he's calling. He's calling me, too. Who is he calling me? Now is not the time. I'll take care of that later. Yeah, so William never calls me. -Thoril could make a move then. -Yeah. Yeah, so, if you're using that... Okay. So, the way this works is, you're gonna take a... -You're gonna roll a d20. -I think I just did. Okay, plus five. Okay, you did. That's 11, which is gonna miss. -Okay. -'Cause that didn't get... The reason it missed is because if you look at his AC, like, it doesn't... Like, yeah, his AC's an 18, so that misses.

-Okay. -So, that's pretty much your turn. -Okay. -But what about Thoril? -He can move up, can't he? -Nope, 'cause he missed. -Oh, okay. -Well, wait. Actually, let me make sure. I think it's on a hit that that happens, but... -Uh... -Now he's calling me! -It doesn't technically say. -Yeah. Yeah, it does. 1d8 on a hit. 1d8 plus wisdom modifier, then the target. -Yeah, so it didn't hit, so it didn't... -He's calling up me now. Why is he calling us? What's going on? There must be something for him to be calling different people. I don't know, I just sent him a message saying, "What's going on?" "We're in the middle of taping something." -So...

-Yeah, hopefully he gets back to you. 'Cause I don't... Okay. I mean, if this is an emergency or something, yeah. But, like, if it's just a shooting the shits thing, you know. I don't think he would be shooting the shit, like, desperately trying to get a hold of, like, three different people at once. I've always wanted to say, "Fuck you!" And I can't wait any longer. -Make sure nothing's going on, please. -Yeah, yeah, go ahead. You wanna... Yeah, we can... I forgot how to play this game. -Duh-duh-duh. -Well, you don't have to play this game. -Duh-duh-duh. -Well, you don't have to repulsor-raise this time, though.

-It's just... -It's just... Repulsor-raise. All right, so, can he move? -No. -Okay, so now it's the vampire's turn. -Yes. -Oh, yeah. -Oh, yeah. -A vampire, since Double-A's right in front of him... -Aw. -He's gonna use a power called "Claws." Which is exactly what it sounds like. He's just gonna take a big, meaty swipe of his hand, and use his claws. Is he gonna turn into a vampire now? That's not... Have you ever watched a vampire movie ever? -Sure. -That's not how vampires are made. -Sure, let me smell. -I don't know any... While I came out, I don't know anymore.

These vampires don't sparkle. -Okay. -These are the scary vampires. Andrew, you still here, or are you talking to William? Here, I'm trying to track him down. Now he's not responding to anything. Oh, William. He's probably... All right, so what's going on? What are we doing? He's got Claude. Andrew got Claude. He got Dark Claude. So, does a 15 hit your AC? -Okay. -He says he's having podbean issues. -That's what it is. -Oh. Yeah, everyone is. Let me post something on Twitter, for God's sakes. So, that was a 15 to Andrew, to AC? Yeah, hold on one second. So, Thoril, your swing is still intact, I see.

That's good. -So good, huh? -Mm-hmm. Yeah. That hits him. So, where do you check the AC again? It's... If you go to... See where it says PCs right there, where your portrait has that? It's just to the opposite side of that little window there. It's just the AC, fort, ref, and willpower. Next to your name, like your character's name, you'll see a little blue "I". If you just click that, then it'll bring up your character specifically. -Oh, holy crap. -I don't know if that was there. Oh, cool. And then your AC is down there at the left-hand side. Oh, I have 17. Andrew has 13.

So, yeah, 15 would hit his, wouldn't it? -Yes. -Mm-hmm. -Yes, so... -So, what damage does he get? When you do an attack, it would have to be greater than... -Equal to or greater than the AC. -Yes. So, Andrew's gonna go ahead and take negative 5. So, he is down to 16. Wow. When anything is at or below half of its hit points, that's considered bloodied. -Mm. -Yeah, just letting everybody know. Sometimes that has positive or negative effects on you. -Yeah. -Mm. Uh, Shane, your turn. Okay, how much can I move? Look at your character's sheet. Like, go to... You can click on your icon and view character info, anything like that, and then right there, you see, like, the...

Like, it'll have your strength and your AC and all that stuff. -Mm-hmm. -You have a speed of 6. -Yes. -Should be right here. Oh, yeah. -So, I have 6? -Yes, you can move 6 spaces. -Yes. -Okay. So, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... I believe that's 6. -Yep. -Now I wanna fuck him up. [LAUGHS] -No curse. -We'll just hit the "fuck him up" button. -Okay. -No curse. And you win. [LAUGHS] Well, pick one of your powers that you wanna do. Uh... Melee would probably be the best one, innit? Well, a lot of... Pretty much all of your stuff is melee, unless it says, like, a ranged basic attack, something like that.

But, like, yeah, you have several different kinds of melee attacks. But if you just wanna do a basic melee to start? Uh... -Sure. -Okay. Uh, so, what you're gonna do, that's... So, you click on "Melee basic attack" and it tells you what you need to do. So, for the attack, it's roll a D20 plus 3. All right. D20... plus 3. That's gonna miss. No! -Fuck. -Good job. -Man. -Not my son. -Golf clap. -You took that like a man. -All right. -No. -No. -Aww, I keep missing. -Justin, your turn. -Oh, shit. Didn't expect that to happen. -I'm gonna move right now. -That's a fuck 'em up. -And I'm gonna attack Vampire 1...

-Oh, shit. ...with "Magic Missile," oh, yeah. Oh, my God. So, is that also, like... the attack and, like, as the attack roll for the D20, is that also with my int? As a modifier? -Oh, let's see here. -'Cause it doesn't say anything like that. Uh, "Target 1 creature, uh, effect 2 plus Intelligence modifier force damage." So, yes. That's... Okay, yeah, that's... 'Cause usually they add that stuff up for you, it's like, "Oh, and plus this also." Yeah, well, roll a D21 and see... -Oh, fuck me. -Oh, never mind. You rolled a 5, so... -Oh. -Nothing will be happening today.

-Well... -Or I'll save us. That was standard action. I still have other ways... -of touching people. -Look at you. There you go, man. -My soul. -What's up with Plan B? I guess you didn't figure I was gonna cast... Light! That's right here. Right in his eyes. Right in his cock's eye. Hit him with it. While these guys... Now, that's not sunlight. If that were sunlight, this would be a different story. As it stands now, you have annoyed him minorly. -Oh. -You're taking... That's because I used my minor action in order to... -Get him. -He's gonna kill me. He's gonna get me!

So, this cavern is pretty dark. There's a few torches on the walls. What you did is brighten up the place within four squares of that guy. Yeah, it's pretty bright in here now. You can see, and they don't like it. Your guys' eyes have adjusted the darkness, but nothing huge has happened. The vampire looks around in confusion and wonders what just happened. That's all that really just happened. He shakes his fist at Shavar. These vampires are pretty much feral. Think of them as... I mean, they are basically just animals. -They're the ghouls from Fallout 3. -Kinda.

-Think about that. -They're all ghouls. Next up is the vampire you partially blinded. No, he's gonna get me! And he's gonna move right there. No! Oh, wait. Okay, there's a combat advantage, right? -Or flanking? -Yes, they have flanking. See, let me explain flanking. If there are two enemies surrounding you like that, and you can draw a straight line in between them, whatever's in the middle of that straight line, they have combat advantage against... Like Shane, Shane is in the middle, so... They have combat advantage against Shane until Shane moves away. Oh, God.

You are Krillin, I just realized that. So, that means he gets a +2 to his roll. -Oh, my... -It's easier for him to hit you. And that is exactly what he's gonna try to do right now. So he gets... It's a +... It's a d20 +11. You had to piss him off, Justin. -18! -He's gonna attack you anyway. I have a feeling, you know? We have a... Does 18 hit your AC, Shane? Um... Yes. Okay. So, that does five damage to you. Oh, my God, I'm gonna die. No! -And, yes, you are bloodied. -No, it has to be half right. I'm sorry. -Wait. Yes, you're right. -He's 22, yeah. -So he's one away. -Yeah.

I just wondered something. If these are vampires and if we get bloodied, what the fuck happens? -You guys suck our balls. -I have written things ahead of time, -just in case. -Oh, shit. Everything's been thought out, trust me. Um... Next up is vampire number three, who is dead. So... [LAUGHS] -So... -Goral, help! Let's just get him out of there. -Help me! -Uh... Let's see here. -Treyus. -Oh, wait. Shit. Treyus. Okay, so... I believe I have a speed of five, so... One point. There's blood. There's almost blood in my hair. Help! [LAUGHS] -Oh. -[LAUGHS] -It hurts. -Your hair's turning red.

Let's get in there. Turn Ric Flair. -Oh, you don't want to have that. -No, I don't. That means I have to take away all your money in the game. That's what I can do. Okay, hold on. -You have to win your money, uh... -So... Divorce of Lies. Vampire 2 hasn't had any damage done to it, right? -No. -Goral one. Hmm. I'm gonna use Sun's Glow to see what the fuck that does. Is that sunlight, technically? It says Sun's Glow. All right, I'm gonna do that then. I'm gonna cast it on Shane. [LAUGHS] Now, let me read the powers of this just to make sure. I turn into Jesus Christ.

I'm gonna flash them. I'm gonna burn them. Burn their eyes. It's not technically sunlight. -No! -It is light. It's pretty much like Justin's light spell. -I see. -It's like the light of the sun. Unless it specifically says that you're using sunlight somehow. -That's... -C&D fucking lied to me then. It's... Yeah, I mean, it's kind of up for debate. Now they're gonna get pissed off. -Hold on. -I got some for them. [MUMBLING] I'm gonna use... Can I... What the fuck is my healing? I have a healing attack, but it's not like a... It's listed as an encounter power. Do you have one that's a standard?

I can use it three times or something like that? Dan did. Well, yeah, you have... You can roll to see if you... It's a minor thing, I believe. You can roll to see if you can use one of your healing surges for somebody. You could do that, but I don't think that's a spell necessarily. I know bards can do it. [MUMBLING] So two and one haven't been hit at all, right? -No. -I'm gonna use ranged attack then on number one then. -Okay. -'Cause I can't do anything else. Okay. So that's D20 plus four. Okay. Clear. -Roll. -23. -Oh, that'll hit. -Yes. Go ahead and roll damage.

Okay. Okay, well, I haven't actually done melee before. -I mean, I'm ranged. -Oh, it's a 1D8. Okay, 1D8. What the hell is this anyway? Like a crossbow or something? Or like a throwing knife? I'm not sure what I have. Let me check your character and see what you have. -'Cause it's not just like a mason or shield. -He has a whip like Simon Delmont. -That would be great. -That sounds good. Whips candles. -Gives him a... -Oh! -Maximum damage, eight. -Oh, he's dead. -Yeah. -Yes! -Fuck you. -Headshot. -Yeah, you have a crossbow, it says. Nice. -You're Ben Helsing. -That's pretty badass.

So, bam, he's dead. And it is... Vampire number four's turn. -Wookiees. -One, two, three. I forgot all about four. I'm gonna move him around here. -Oh, I thought you said three. -No, no, no! -Oh, shit. Wow. -Sack him. -Uh... -How many calls is my mom? -Oh, shit. -He's gonna attack Shane. -Aw, jeez. -Of course. And he gets a plus 11. -That doesn't hit my AC. -17. -Aw, shit, my AC, 17 AC. -Well, then, that'll hit you. -Uh, negative five. Fuck, now I'm bleeding. I'm gonna turn into a vampire, aren't I? -Yep. -You are bloodied, sir. Now, the good news is... As some of you may know, who have studied history in D&D or something like that, now, these, first of all, they have to bite you.

Secondly, these are pretty low-level vampires. It takes a pretty high-level vampire to... -Sire you. -Yeah, to sire you, is what they call it when a vampire turns you into a vampire. So, they can't turn you into a vampire. He can't, however, claw your fucking intestines out, which is what he's doing. -Uh... -You're down to 7L. So, uh, it is... Tyler's turn. Thoril! Thoril! -Um... -♪ Da da da da da da ♪ I'm guessing if I can get in between them in one of the kind of diagonal squares, I'd be able to do dual attack on, like, each one, if I can hit it. Uh, that's usually if you're...

I mean, yes, if you... Okay, if you sidled right up next to Andrew, -Sure. -I could actually get around to the other side without having, like, the... -One, two... -As long as you're adjacent to both of them. -Mm, that's... No, see? -No, you're passing right through. You'd have to pass right through it. You'd have to stop at vampire number four. If you had an eight, then... If you have an eight on movement, then you could easily pass, like... Like, if you started here, I believe... -Then it's one, two, three, four... -Yeah, one, two, three, four... -Oh. -...six, seven, eight...

-He could go diagonally. -No, that's cool. I can get right up next to him. I can get up right there. If he went from here to here, that'd be six. That'd allow that. That's fine. -You can move diagonally, too. -Yeah, so that'd work. I saw it a different way from this side. Okay. -Oh. -So, on the other side? -Yeah, you can get back where you were. -Yeah, yeah. There you go. Okay. -So... -Let's just cheat. -It's not cheating. -No, let's cheat. So, what do you wanna do from there? -Um... -I'm gonna win, Jason. -(LAUGHTER) -I'll go after a four first. -With the melee basic attack.

-Okay. -MBA. That's what we're gonna call that from now on. -Oh, well. Oh, that's gonna miss. Bitch! (LAUGHTER) Magnus, bitch. Well, when I hit, I hit hard. -If I don't... -You fail, you... I fail hard. We're gonna save those intestines of yours. So, what their AC quite is, I don't really feel like... -18. -18? Shit. -Yeah, we established earlier. -I don't mind. I could be a dick and not tell you and have you guess, but no, we established earlier they're 18. -Yeah. -Now... -18 AC. Holy shit. That's... -Let me tell you something about vampires, too. They're not a very strategic...

They're not very strategic. So, once the weakest character to them was Shane, and he's bloodied, now they're like ravenous dogs. Like, they're gonna go after Shane. Hard. Like, real hard. Fuck. -Andrew! -Kill at least that one. -Adical! Your turn. -Please. -I don't have to move, right? No. -No. -You're in a good position right now. -Here's another thing. When you're in combat and you're right next to somebody, to get away from them to break combat, you have to roll to see if you can break away. So, that's another thing, and that'll count as your move action. But since you're already right next to them...

Could I ask something? Is Two looking at Attica? -Sorry, I'm not saying your name. -Attical. Is he... Attical, is he looking at him or Shane? Why, he's just kind of right there in between them. 'Cause if he was looking at Shane with blood is... -Probably. -He could do a combat shift and shift right behind him. There you go. He has combat. He has a flanking. Wait. Who could do a combat shift? Attical. No, no, no. He's still adjacent to him. -Oh, I thought combat shifts just mean you could just move... -It doesn't matter. No, no, no. That was never a thing. And you keep going, "Where's he looking?" That doesn't count.

As long as they're adjacent to each other, they're touching, then, yeah, they're locked. -So, it's... -Whatever. It works. -Just kill him. -So, Vanjir, who wants to try? I guess I'll use... -He doesn't kill him now. -What would affect him if I used Chill Wind? -I don't know. -Let's read what Chill Wind does. "Target each creature in the burst." So, this is gonna be like, okay, "Standard action area burst one within ten squares." Jesus. Okay, so, what you're gonna do is you can target anything within ten squares of you. -So, that's a pretty good range. -Okay. Each creature in the burst, that's what it's gonna hit, it's your Wisdom versus their Fortitude, 1d6 cold damage, and you slide the target one square.

-I think I'll try that, then. -Okay. -So, 20 plus 5, right? -Yep. Lovely. -That's an eight. -What a pure reaction. Lovely. Let me see. That's versus their Will, though. I don't know what their Will is. Let me check. No. Wisdom versus Fortitude. What's their Fortitude? Uh, 15. So, no, that's gonna miss, unfortunately. -Ah. -Yep. -Okay. -Nice knowing you guys. [LAUGHS] -What's your turn? -After this guy. -No, it isn't. -Pempire number two's turn. Yep. Later, guys. -Uh, he's... -He'll miss. [CLEARS THROAT] He's gonna attack. And he has Flanking, so he gets plus 11. -And 25. -Yep.

Uh, that's five more damage for Shane. He is down to two health. -You can do this, Shane. -Now, let me explain death in D&D. First of all, losing all your hit points does not mean that you die. Losing all your hit points means that you are knocked out. So, you're gonna be on the ground. And your other teammates, and especially, like, right behind you, there's a Paladin. He can heal you. -Yeah. Oh, no. -He has yet to try, but he can heal you. -So, I don't know why. -So, let's punch him. He can heal after a few seconds. Um, so, let's see. Uh, Shane, your turn. What would you like to do?

I believe I have a power where it's called Gloaming Cut, where I could, like, go and become invisible. Let's see here. You must be wielding a crossbow, a light blade or a sling, which you are. You could attack one creature, and then it deals damage. You shift a number of squares equal to your Intelligence modifier, and you can make a stealth check to become hidden. That would be an excellent thing for you to do right now, but you have to hit. Can you hit number two? 'Cause I'm playing on flanking number four. Okay. I'm sorry. I know plans are stupid. So, I can hit number two, so what would I have to do?

Oh, wait. Okay. You don't even have to hit him for this. The effect of this, just making this attack, whether you hit him or not, you still get to shift some squares. -Okay. -And make a stealth check. So, what do I do right now? Right now, which one are you attacking? Uh, two, I guess. That's Justin. Okay. So, you're rolling a d20 plus eight. -Plus eight? -Mm-hmm. Okay. Please! -Yeah! -23! Okay. -Thank you. -Touched his mouse. Then roll a 1d6 for damage. See how much damage you're doing to him? -1d6? -Yep. -And what's the bonus? -None. None? If you look on your powers and you open that up, it'll tell you what to roll for your attack, what to roll for your damage.

Yeah. You'll see Glomie Cutner, this little triangle next to it. If you touch it, it'll open it up more and you can see what it does. -So, he's dead. -Who, the vampire? -Yes. -Oh, thank God! Fuck you. Now you get to shift... What's your Intelligence modifier? Uh, skills, details... Your Intelligence modifier is two. So, you get to shift two squares in any direction you want. Okay, I'm gonna go... Can I go behind Thoril? Uh... One, two... Sure. -Protect me. -As long as it's two squares away. -There you go. -(LAUGHING) Davy! I'm invisible right now? No, you have to make a stealth check.

So, it's a d20+10. That's your stealth. -Okay, I do that right now? -Yep. D20+10... All right, roll. -Okay, you're in stealth right now. -Yes! Bitches, Solid Snake. So, if I come up behind that other guy, he's not engaged, so therefore he's looking right in my eyes? Jesus, Justin, I really wish you'd stop with the "Where's he looking?" thing. It doesn't matter where they're looking. You say if he's engaged with somebody, so therefore... He was engaged with me, but now I'm stealth? Now he would be shifting. First of all, he's like, "Where the hell did that guy go?" -That'd be tough.

-Yeah. Vampires always talk and least speak. -Just like cold ones. -No, it is. And Justin, it's your turn. Shavar. -Daaah! -Shavar. So, combat advantage. I wouldn't have any if I just walk up to him? No. Shit. Aw, man. I'm gonna go right here. -God, I did that. -Yeah, I know. -I'd be fucked. -Take the eight. Devine. That doesn't sound as cool as... All right, I'm gonna use Burning Hands. -They're hot. -They're hot. -Oh, too hot to touch. -Hot hands. -That's an encounter power, you know. -Yeah. -He's the last guy. -He's the last guy. Here we go. Encounter power 23. -Whoa. -23 will hit him.

-No, wait. That's versus AC, right? -Yep. -No, reflexes. -Oh, reflexes. Vampires' reflexes? I don't know. -Yeah, you hit him. -Yeah. -Yes! -He's still able. 2d6 plus six damage. Uh-huh, and here we are. The rain. -That's 1d8 plus six. -That is 1d8 plus six. Oh, shit. 2d6 plus six. -It said eight. I should have. -It didn't. -How about eight? -That's 1d6. That's still 1d6. How is that even possible? Click the damn d6 twice. You'll know it because it's the most common dice ever used. -Thirteen. He's dead. -Yes! -The room is clear. -Can someone heal me? -Why don't we rest? -You can't rest here.

Resting in a dark cavern filled with vampires is probably not the smartest thing. Let's just sleep now. I'm invisible. They can't see me while I'm napping. That's what you do after a mugging. Let's sleep in this alley we just got mugged in. Let me explain healing surges to you guys. If you look at your character... Under status, it's the middle tab. It'll show you how many surges you have left. A healing surge is, every time you pop one of those, it heals you for five. It doesn't even say anymore how much it actually... -We heal for each. -I know. I know. It doesn't.

It's just for five. So every time you pop one, that heals you for five. -I have lots of pop then. -You do. Let me make sure. It might be under details. Oh, no, surge values. Under details, I'm sorry. Under details, it'll tell you how many surges you have and what they're doing. So, like, Justin, each time you use one, it's worth six. Every time you use one, Shane, it's worth five. And you only got six surges for the day. So, let me see. You would need... -Four. -Four. You need four. -Okay. -So, you wanna go back up to full health? -Yes. -Okay. Now that you're out of combat, anybody who wants to spend a healing surge, let me know.

I will. One. I think I'm good. I'm alive. So, let me give you back... ...two surges. Two, three, four. Adjust. Bam. You're up to full health. Yes. -You said you wanted to use one too? -Yeah. Okay. The one I nearly got destroyed. So, what essentially happened here with Shane is that he just started getting double-teamed by vampires. He makes a wild swing at one, kills one, and then limps behind me and just kind of shoves me in front of him. -Yes. He did the old... -All of stealth. Get the fuck away from me! Yeah. You didn't see me, so I walked behind you without you knowing, and you're the big shooter.

So, you limp behind me and then I just feel a shove. -Yes. -Get him. -Get him. -And I hear "Get him," and I'm like, "What the fuck?" I'm like, "I'm the coach from Punch-Out!" You can get him, man. Andrew, you might wanna use a couple? -Um, sure. -Okay. Let's see how many you have and what they're worth here. Wow, you have nine, and each time you use one, it's worth six points of health. So, two would get you back up to full health. -Let's just use one. -One, but... But remember here, he has 13 AC, so he could definitely use nine surgeons. That's true, actually.

Yeah, his AC's pretty damn low. Um, we're getting another big-ass storm outside? Damn. -What's his AC? -13, I think? Oh. So, everything... Like, a paper airplane would fucking hit him. "Get out of my arm!" Until he turns into Gorilla Grodd. -I'm totally down. -You also have something called Wild Shape, by the way. You change from your Humanoid Form to a Beast Form or vice versa. When you change from Beast Form back into your Humanoid Form, you can shift one square while in Beast Form, so blah, blah, blah. You choose a specific form whenever you use Wild Shape to change into Beast Form.

So, like, let's... So, I know you've never seen Teen Titans, but you're basically Beast Boy. Like, you're in combat, right? And this is an at-will power. You can use it whenever you want in combat. So, basically, it's a minor action. So, he's like, "I want to be an elephant." So, bam, you're an elephant. -You're a fucking elephant. -If I was Iron... -But... -Ironhide, we wouldn't have to worry about taking naps. That's true, but you're not, so... So, when you're in Animal Form, you can use moves like Pounce or something. It'll tell you right at the top. It's like at-will Beast Form, so, yeah.

-Turn into a... -Gorhannthau. -Um... -Can he turn into a dragon? I mean, like, it's probably an animal. Like, 'cause he's a druid, he lives in the woods and stuff, so he can turn into a rat if he wants. -Okay. -[laughs] He can be a rat and sneak through the door and see things, can he? -Splinter. -Splinter! -I'm gonna turn you a rat, but a full-size man rat. -That was an opposing rat. -You knew karate and shit? -You sure did. What's up with that? Um, Jay, I think, Jay, if you guys want to take a drink break real quick... -I feel good. -Yeah, cool. So, we'll take a drink break real quick and give Jay a chance to get back here.

So, uh, Trace's drinking problem is rearing its ugly head. So, after that, he dips into his flask. -He fell off the wagon again? -He did, it's sad. -Son of a bitch. -You were hoping the sunnier climate would be better for him, and maybe it was... -But... -There was once more to be his undoing. So, he's with you guys, mostly in spirit. [laughs] That's what Mr. Cog drinks back then, spirit. -So, you guys... -No one else? Yeah, no, it's a pun. That's a Paul Jordan joke. [imitates drum roll] [laughs] So, yeah, he's gonna jump in every once in a while and heal somebody if they need it.

But, yeah, that's pretty much it. So, it's a four-man party right now. What do you guys want to do? You want to continue through that door? Well, we went there anyway, so we might as well. Okay. You fought to get there. Oh, my God, there's lava. [laughs] There's a lot of red stuff. Oh, no, there's-- I want to turn back. I want to turn back. -Nope. -Oh, there's a vampire lord, too. No! So, this is the last room. If you guys want to start right at the top of the screen there, right in the path. I guess right before the giant lava crevice. Yeah, well, somewhere before that, yeah, 'cause you guys-- I'm in that shit.

You guys have some problem-solving to do. You guys have to find a way to get past it or jump in. Well, I know-- I had to call-- -However you pronounce it-- -I got plus five athletics. -He can fly a whole athletics. -And a plus ten. Okay, well, one at a time. Yeah, Andrew's fine. He can get out of this. He's fine. He can beast-boy his way over that. He can turn into any number of fucking creatures with wings. -Let's see. -You're a gorilla, he can. -So... -But why risk it? Why? -True. -There's no check. If he turns into a butterfly, he can get over it. It doesn't matter.

Everyone else has to make an athletics check. Or there's a couple of other things. What comes in the Adventurer's kit? -'Cause everyone has-- -Rope. Yeah, there's rope and stuff. You could work something out. But the easiest way is to do an athletics check and jump. It's not a huge gap. -Can I-- -Can an athletics check work as well? -Athletics check. -Okay. Can I be like Hawkeye and make an arrow that creates a zipliner? No. I'm going to the wall and never come out, even though there's 200 pounds of pressure. -Talk another once. -Yeah, it's stone. You're not going to have an arrow that burrows into stone.

I have a +10 Acrobatics. There you go. Acrobatics or athletics? It doesn't matter. One of those. And I have +5 athletics. Okay, so I would do an Acrobatics check if I were you. Okay, so what do I do? I'm going to tell you right now. You have to get at least a 15 to clear the gap. -Okay. -It's criss-crossed. So what do I roll? D20+, whatever your modifier is for that. -So I think you said it was 10. -Oh, my God. Please, please, Lord. Don't get a 1. Oh, you got a 12. -I'm dead. -Oh, no. With a 12, you're going to get to the other side, but you are going to burn your foot.

-So that's 5 damage. -Fuck! You love getting hurt. Stop getting hurt. -What the hell? -I'll just, I'll take a swing at it. But you are on the other side. I think this will take a shot here. 28. Fuck you! You do a triple Salchow over it and fuck it. Do a couple of backflips. The judges give you a 10. I'm staying in the back. Andrew can clear the gap however he damn well chooses, basically. Let me see. You can just say you're doing it. I'm turning into a bird and go over. You just say it. You don't have to roll for anything. Take me with you. Take me with you. I should have, he...

I should have let him turn into an ostrich and he could jump over it while I'm on his back or something. Now he can turn into something large and carry someone over too with a strength check. -Okay. -Make Justin. Make Justin jump. -How do I change into something that flies? -Just say it. -It's all imagination, man. -Oh, uh... Yeah, turn me into something that flies, something with wings. -Like what? -Think of one thing with wings. Like a rat with wings. -A rat? -That's not a thing. -That's not intentional. -They're all over New York. -Come on. -They're not usually in dungeons.

-Okay, a bat. -Okay, you're a bat. -Put your guy over there. -Justin, you gotta make an athletics or a... Let me see, athletics or an acrobatics check. -We're gonna do it. -You have plus zero to both. -Yeah. -19. -Look at that. -19! You cleared it. That was the best running leap ever. -Don't forget to strike your guy, AA. -I gotta move him? Yeah, move him. Both of you guys are across the gap. Now, what you see... -It's hot. -...is obviously... So you got four regular vampire spawn, just like you just fought in the last room, and the head vampire, that's also called a vampire lord.

He's gonna be much tougher than these other guys. I shoot an arrow into his heart. -Do it. -No. But that's an excellent question. He also looks very much like Robert Pattinson, so I know he's evil. -I look at him up close. -Oh, wow. -You can roll your mouse wheel up and down. -Yeah, that's what I did. Okay. So I'm gonna have Treyas in the rotation order, and every time his rotation comes up, he's gonna heal someone. -Me. -Probably. If this fight is anything like the last one. So we're gonna do the same thing. We're gonna clear. Bam. There's the party. The vampire lord got a 28.

You guys go ahead and roll initiative. -Prickelprow. I got a 10. -Prickelprow? Prickelprow. -That was a first. -A 20 and then bonus. Yes, whatever your bonus is for initiative. 16. It's coming right at us, boys. What the hell is that? I don't see my initiative. -It's a... -I saw it before. I don't see it now. -It's a go to details. -I see it now. Okay. -Hopefully it's a thousand. -You got 10. Yeah. All right. Hold on one second. I'm adding the last vampire now. So, I'm like... I'm like third, I think. All right. So, let's see what everyone else got here. -Justin got a 10.

-Yeah. -It's the way I roll. -No, no, no. Paul Jordan's gonna be very happy with this. Those are his favorite jokes as puns. Thor got a 17. Shane got a 16 and Andrew got a 10. So, I know I'm third. I can't believe I already burnt my foot. I love that you're the stealthy... You're the acrobatic stealthy guy. -It's not working out for you. -Now this is gonna be our hobble. All right, guys. This is the last fight. -In the cave? -Yep. -I wonder what was in that other door. -We'll see. Definitely. So, basically what's been happening is that this vampire lord has pretty much moved into the cave directly underneath your town.

Like, pretty far underneath, but still right underneath. Around dusk, he just goes out and picks off guys. Now he's got kind of a little army. You've taken out half of them. -So, they were the farmers? -Yes, basically. I knew it. We should have cut their throats before. All the farmers. -Vampire lord is going first. -Oh, shit. Keep him away from me. [LAUGHTER] I don't want any cookies. I just thought of the scene of us jumping over where Shane just does a regular jump, barely makes it, burns his foot. He's like putting ice on it or dousing his foot with water.

Double A turns into a bat, and the rest of us just backflip over. He's gonna pass. -Thoril, your turn. That's Tyler. -Fuck him up, Thoril. Fuck him up, Poop Poop. Fuck him up, Thoril. Fuck him up. -All right. -[LAUGHS] Looks like I'm going after number three. All right. [HUMMING] Where's my basic attack? 20 plus nine. -26. -Oh, that'll hit. -You hit vampire lord? -No. Oh, no, no. Fuck, man. He's gonna kill us. -He's in a bad-- -I like the first sign of adversity. You haven't seen anything you can do. You don't know his stats. -We're gonna die. -He's big. -A, 13 damage.

-Dead. He's a big dude. All he knows is he can lodge axes in people's skulls, and he immediately is like, "We're dead." We're frickin' dead. Game growl wins. Your turn, Shane. You wanna run and cower in fear? I'm gonna try to hop over the fire again. Run back the way we came. Do I have a long-distance attack? I'm pretty sure you have a basic range attack. -What's that under your-- -Powers. -Yeah, powers. Range basic attack. -How far-- I don't know how far I can hit, though. Just line of sight. It's-- Well, no, there's a range. Yeah, there's a range. Let me see what his range is, actually.

-It should be under details. -Details, yeah. -Trying to find it. -Five. Five is your range. So, I can move up six, right? -Yes. -Up to six. Right to here. -No. -Okay. I'm gonna move up to-- Wait, do that point again. -You can move right up to here? -No. -Why not? Why? -Well, he can move, like-- Like, one, two, three, four, five, six. So, somewhere up in here. Stop adjusting. I'm saying you can move up to here and throw something in that-- Yeah, that's what I wanna do, is I wanna throw at a vampire-- Vampy. -Just the one? -Yes. -Okay. -Fuck him. Fuck the guy. Okay. What attack do you wanna use?

With a-- I think-- Wouldn't ranged basic attack be the best? Actually, is there a powerful one? Let me see. You got skip the rock. Hold on one second. It's a standard action ranged weapon requirement. -You must be willing to sling. -I don't have a sling. You don't. So, no. You can't use that one right now. So, yeah, basic melee attack-- Or the ranged attack, yeah. So, that's a D20+8. -Okay. -Which is good, -'cause that's one of your best attacks. -Yes. -Or your most-- -Oh! -Fuck! -That'll hit. Roll damage. 1D6+5. -1D6+5? -Yep. Okay. -Six. -Uh, dead. Yeah! Uh, vampire three's turn, but he's dead.

-So... -You killed. Fuck you. I like how you go from cowering in fear -to, "Yeah, fuck you." -'Cause there's nothing. Uh, double eight, your turn. I gotta move what? Six-- I gotta move up six. Uh, it's up to you. You can move however-- -Within six, yeah. -If you could turn into-- Is he still a bat? Uh, he's human right now. He can turn into whatever he wants, though, on his turn. -And there's-- -Trenchfish shark. Shane reminds me of, like, Shane McMahon, where he'll, like, punch someone and they'll do the little dance. Mm-hmm. The most dangerous land animal, the shark.

Can he turn into a, uh... Yeah, an elephant would be awesome. Or a bear, a grizzly bear. Fuck him up with a grizzly bear. Okay, I move there. Now, uh, I don't think I can-- I'll be able to do anything. I'm too far away from everyone. Yeah, you might wanna wait. -Curse somebody. -Grizzly bear. Fuck people over. Uh, so you wanna just end your turn there? -I guess. -Okay. Uh, Shevar, Justin, your turn. I got an idea. -One, two, three, four, five. -Shevar. I'll stand right next to my birth buddy. [laughter] Can you get the vampire lord from there? Yes, I will. -Yeah! -I'm gonna use Phantom Chasm.

Whoa. Oh, that's a daily power. Okay, that's a big one. Gonna knock him on his ass. I'm gonna say, "Hey, I think it's time for you to have a seat." ♪ It's a wonderful kind of day ♪ I'm gonna roll, and I'm gonna-- Uh, this is against his-- I imagine it would be against his will. Intelligence versus will, yes. That's, uh, D20 plus five, and here we go. 19. Uh, that's gonna miss. -Damn it! -Oh, shit. Wait a second. But wait. Um... [grunts] I think it's heroic effect. I'm gonna use that also. -Triggered when, uh... -Heroic apparition. Miss with attack. Okay, yeah. -Okay.

-Miss with attack or, uh, fail a saving throw. I'm reading this, though. It says, "If you miss that attack, it deals half damage, and the target falls prone." Yeah, so... Uh, it creates a burst. It creates a zone that lasts to the end of the encounter. Any enemy that enters it will fall prone. Oh, perfect. Okay, I see. So basically, you made a thing on the ground that made it look like there's a hole. -Yeah. -It just freaks people out. They're like, "Oh, okay." So, yeah. So, do 2D6 plus five, and whatever that comes up, half of that is what you're gonna be doing. 2D6 plus five.

-Bam! -11. So, he just took... Yeah. He just took a little round... Little round. He took six damage. And he's prone. He still looks like a fool, though. You made him look like a fool in front of his friends, yes. You're a black bitch. So, he's probably gonna try and fuck you up next turn. -Oh! -Or me. Trey's turn. He's gonna pass, 'cause no one's really hurt. You gotta start exiting off all my stuff that I used. Exit stage left, exit stage right. Uh... Vampire number one is dead, so we'll just remove him. Yeah, fuck him. Vampire number two, however, is very much alive, and he's going to charge right up here to Thoril, which is Tyler's character, and he's gonna take a swing at him.

Swing with a bat. -24. -Oh, my God. -Ugh. -Versus your AC, right? -[laughs] -Okay. That's five. -Five damage to Tyler. -How? -Yeah. -He wanted it. Time for you to start paying for that fire incident from before. He wanted that bad. That's... -Uh, let's see here. -Time to pay the price. The price to play. One, two, three... Price to pray. Four... Five. No, wait! What is it? Uh... 21. Oh, shit. Good Lord, that hits me. -Yep, so that will be... -They're strong. -Five damage. -Can I spook him? Can you spook him? It's not your turn. [chuckles] -That'd be how much damage? -Five. -Oh!

-I got it. -Take your turn now. -Now it's Vampire Lord's turn. Oh, my God, no! Give up! He has to get up, though, and that's his move action. -That's his move action. -I love how when it comes to the minions, Shane is just like, "Oh, yeah! Fuck you, bitch!" [laughs] You want real power, it's like, "Oh, fuck!" A Vampire Lord used to take his lunch money. Sorry, Morbius the Vampire... I'm gonna cower in fear. The regular brood members, I don't care. So, Justin. He's gonna target you with something called Dominating Gaze. Damn it, I don't wanna be dominated. [laughs] So, it's plus one, plus nine versus Will.

Let's see here. -Thirteen. -Oh, that's gonna miss. -Cool. -So, he missed. And now it's... -Thoril. -Thoril, your turn. -Thoril's sunk steel. -Well, I was gonna attack the Vampire Lord, but now that this little asshat has come up to me, I guess I'll have to kill him. Kiss him really hard. [laughs] Make him look gay in front of the friends. [laughs] -I knew it. -Two, nine, 21. -That'll hit. -That'll do. Fuck him up. -I don't even know why you... -It's a d10 plus eight, so should I even roll? Go ahead. It's just for kicks. Why do you have any other attacks beyond basic melee?

You never use anything other than that. -What brought me to the dance? -Tackle. -Ten, by the way. -Tackle. Boom, dead. -So, it's just... -There you go. That's the thing. I have melee basic attack, dual weapon attack, ranged basic attack, and then I have a couple of stances and a couple of daily stuff that basically just enhances such said basic attacks. [laughs] Shane, your turn. Raphael. I think I can kill... Not kill, but I think I can hit Vampire Lord from here with that attack I did last turn. -The ranged basic attack? -He's true. -Sure. -And now I just need a d20 plus eight, right?

Mm-hmm. Come on. -Come on. -Sixteen. -Miss. -God damn it. -That's a lot. I had a lot rolling on this. -Is there anything else I can do this turn? -Yeah. -Oh, you can move. -What is this? -I wanna move... next to Atticool. Atticule. Attic... Atta... Atticool. We'll move back. Two spaces there. -Okay. -Sorry, Justin. Speaking of Atticool. Andrew, your turn. Let's see. I'm gonna move one, two... -Move up high. -Three, four... -Five, six. -Directly. -Too much? -Oh, yeah! -Burn it. Turn it to a bear and fuck him up. -Turn it really hard. -He's such a fan of you. -See, here's the thing.

I got so much shit for, like, at the beginning of the very... of our campaign, for running away from the fight when I really wasn't. But now Shane is running away from the fight and playing cheerleader. He's in prime position to hit number four with a knife. -How do I hit it with a knife? -No, Shane. No, I mean Shane. He's that cowardly. He's Hercule. So, there's a ton of different stuff you can do. I guess I will do... Hold on. I can do this one, I guess? Dynamic Assault. Okay. -You can totally do that if you want. -Thirteen. Wait a minute. What's Dynamic Assault versus AC?

That's gonna miss. You haven't hit with anything this entire time, have you? -No, I haven't. -That's a shame. You'll get your chance, 'cause this vampire lord's not going down for a while. I'm saving the monkey for him. That's really smart, actually. -Shavar, Justin, your turn. -I'm gonna finish this right now. Fountain of... Right at that prick that tried to nation and domination me. So, let's see how to cast him in. -Fountain of... -You. Fountain of Flames. To everyone who doesn't know what Fountain of Flames does, what it does is it's another burst thing he's gonna use.

So, a burst one means that something is going to burst out or erupt from one space and then one adjacent square everywhere around it. So, it's gonna take up like nine squares. What it is is if it hits, it does 3D8 plus intelligence modifier damage. That's a lot of fucking damage. If it misses, it does half damage. The burst creates a zone that lasts till the end. Any enemy that enters the zone or ends its turn there will take five fire damage. But that all depends on Justin's roll. So, D20 plus five, Justin. I think it happens anyway, but it doesn't... -Oh, it does half damage.

-Yes, but it only does half damage. -All right. D20 plus five. -Get it. -12. -12. So, that misses, but you do half damage. -So, 3D8 plus six. -Wait. I'm gonna also do heroic effort, 'cause you never let me do that before. You miss with an attack and you fail. In fact, you gain plus four racial bonus to your attack roll. -Okay. -All right. -So, that's 12 plus four. That's 16. -That still misses. But I'm attacking his... -Something. Where am I attacking? -His AC. -His reflex. -No, you're attacking his AC. It says "reflex." -Intelligence versus reflex. -Intelligence versus...

Wait. For Fountain of Flight. You're right. Intelligence versus reflex. -You still miss. -That hits with all the fours of 12 gods. Thank you. I killed him. That's what I heard Jason say. Roll the damn 3D plus six. 3D8 plus six. -3D8? -3D8 plus six. Sorry. -3D8 plus six. That's 21. -21. So, half of 21, let's say 10. -He's not dead, is he? -Oh, god, no. -You're going down this time. -Oh, Diablo. Diablo. No, he is not dead. He's not even close to being bloodied, actually. Well, AA's right in front of me, so he's got my back. -Forcefully. -Or AA's gonna get killed. -Oh, can I move?

-Yeah. Well, no. You have to try and break away. I will break away. -What do I do? -Just leap AA. Just roll a D20. If it's above 10, you break away. Bam. -You break away. So move. -One, two. One, two, three, four, five, six. There you go. Damn. Seriously, just leave AA. I can do long range. Yeah, it's true. He's kind of the glass cannon. -He stays back and hits things. -I can do Diablo. -Don't I do that, too? -No. I don't know what you do yet. You're supposed to be sneaking stuff. You charge into combat. And immediately, like, fucking just cry. -He's like, "We're all dead." -I gotta redeem myself.

Okay. It's Treyus' turn. Okay, he's gonna give... He's gonna give Shane a healing surge, so plus five. Yeah, ruffled girl. Bam. Okay, so... Next up, it's Vampire #2, who is dead. Take him out of the rotation, and it's Vampire #4's turn. Uh... Let's see here. He's gonna take a swing at Andrew. Oh, no. -Not laughing yet. -Oh, no. You ran away. You knew it was gonna happen. Bam. 21. That'll definitely hit your AC. So that's negative five. Uh... Okay. There's nothing you can do about it. It sucks. You can say "Fuck you" if you want. At least you're not bloody. I'm not bloody yet.

-Vampire Lord's turn. -Oh, no. He's gonna go for the sword. He's gonna move forward, firstly. -Oh, shit. -Oh, I knew something. -He's gonna try... -He's gonna unleash a fuck grenade. -Dominating Gaze against Tyler. -No. -Oh, no. -Oh, no. -28 versus your will. -Fuck me. -Yeah. -Does that mean what I think it means? Because he's willing to listen. -So that did hit you, correct? -Yes. Okay. First of all, that's gonna do 2D6 damage. So that's six damage to you. And you're dominated. -Oh, no. -Which means when it's Tyler's turn, I'm going to be controlling Tyler, and he will be attacking you.

-Who, me? -You guys. You can't say "Who?" You can't say he's gonna be attacking you when we're on a Skype conversation and we can't see your body. You guys. At the end of Tyler's turn, he can throw a saving throw, and if he throws it, then he gets his willpower back. -Oh, shit. -Yeah, so I will get at least one turn. Anyone who listens to the old one knows I'm not a saving throw guy. -All right, so this is fun. -It's Tyler's turn now. Can I go after SirScreamsALot first? It's Tyler's turn. Thoril's gonna turn around and run right up to Justin. Well, that offhand attack is now looking much worse.

Oh, this is gonna be nasty. This can get bad quick. He's gonna use melee basic attack. Don't hurt my face! -21. -Oh, my God. So right off the bat, that's 1d10... ...plus 8. Oh, my God. -That's 17 damage. -Oh, my God! Down to 2. That's not even the worst part. And he gets to take another attack because it hit the first time. -Oh, my God! -Oh, my God! What was the dual weapon attack? That's what it is. So, again, d20 plus 9. Hope for a crit miss or something. -26. -Oh! -He's dead. -How is that even stronger? -I don't know. -He's dead. It's not over yet. Just because someone's down doesn't mean they're out.

So that's a d6 plus 8. So he's super down. -No, we're fucked. It's not even the double A. -13. Okay, so... Kill the Vampire Lord. Does he turn back to normal? Yes, but the fight would be over anyway. So here's the thing. Justin's unconscious now. -Yup, going all over. -Going all over himself. Tyler, basically, if you think about what happened was, Vampire Lord doomgazed him. Tyler just turned around and smacked the shit out of Justin with one turn. -Justin's down. -His mind's not as strong as mine, obviously. Justin's down. Tyler, you get to throw a saving throw.

So what's gonna happen is, if you get an 11 or higher, you break free. The problem is, you get a -2 to saving throws right now, because his control's pretty strong. So whatever you roll, take two off of it. So roll a d20, Tyler. All right, I added a -2 bonus. I don't need a -2 as it is. -I'm not good at this. -You might get lucky. Twelve! -Nope. -No, God, it does. -Oh, yeah? -I added a -2. It's a 12. -Oh, my God, thank God. -Oh, yeah. And now you have to apologize to Justin. -I said an 11 or higher. -It was your fault. -It was your fault. -Yeah, but I added a -2 already.

Right, no, I'm saying, so that gives you a 10. Oh, you did? Okay, you did add... Sorry, I'm sorry. You did. So you're free now. You've broken free. Fuck it, mob! And it's Shane's turn. Raffaele. I want to hit Vampire Lord. Good luck with that. Go ahead. -You've got... -With the melee... -What I've been doing the whole time. -The ranged. -Yes. -Okay. So d20 and d8. So... Let's see. Yeah, go ahead. No, that's gonna mess. At least you're far away, sneaky pants. You can use Heroic Effort. Which is... Never mind, that wouldn't even hit him. I'm gonna move, though. Okay, further back.

-No. -You wanna jump into the lava? Can I just end this now, so the fear doesn't kill me? I'm gonna move one, two, three, four, five... Now, do I count the enemy or my partners? -You can't land in a space that's already... -If you're touching an enemy, -then it stops immediately. -Yeah. No, you have to stop here. As soon as you touch him, you're in combat with him. -Yeah, he gets to swing. -You can keep moving, but you have to... I get to roll to see if he hits you while you're walking past him. Okay. -Do you wanna move past him? -Sure. So go to where... And then I get a free attack against you, basically.

So that is a d+9... 12, I miss. You're first, bitch. So you're done. -A-A. -He might wanna go for me now. -No, he won't. -You just wanted to get away from... No, no, I wouldn't. Trust me, I would go back even more towards the lava if I wanted to. Okay, let's see now. I have an idea. Now Shane's the general line of sight, so now he can't get taken over. I'm gonna move, I guess. No, you have to... Okay, if you move away from him like that, you gotta roll to see if you can get away from him. So just roll a d20 and if you get 11 or higher, then yeah, you can. Well, wait a minute, I don't have to move.

-No, you don't have to move. -You don't have to. But if you wanna try, you can. You can try. Go up to him and turn into the ape. Hold on. Then let me do... Then let me do a ranged basic attack. -On what? The vampire spawn? -Empire, I guess, yeah. Which is just one roll of the d20. Well, you can't hit the one that's next to you because you're not ranged. You're right next to him. Oh, so I have to... -Okay, so... -It has to be something melee. Yeah, you'll just have to use a different attack. Melee, okay. Melee, which is... Just a simple... Whoa. Two. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

-What? -Wait, wait, wait. Melee basic attack. Oh, yeah, it is. You're right. Oof. What? You are not having a good day for dice roll, sir. -Nope. -In fact, this is really bad. Like, you haven't hit anything. Are you kidding me? He doesn't have any modifiers. I think that's the big thing. -Yeah, next time... -Unless it's a ranged attack. Yeah, next time, go for, like, a shape change, something like that. Go for... You still got darting bite and heroic effort and stuff like that. I'm changing to my head, to my monkey, and then I'm gonna just beat the hell out of the boss.

The Lord of Shadows. Justin, your turn. You gotta try and throw... -Sieving spell. -Yeah, so... On a one... Well, anything below a ten, and you take one strike. On three strikes, you're dead permanently. Can Treyas heal him? Yeah, on his turn. He's gonna throw a healing surge at him, but yeah, that's... But if Justin rolls a 20, he's back up and can spend a healing surge. Anything in between and nothing happens. If I get that, then I just stand up, and then it's the end of my turn, right? -Yeah, pretty much. -All right. Just... -That's one strike. -That's one strike.

God, I don't know. All right, somebody else's turn. Treyas is gonna spend a healing surge on Justin now. -He is. -And actually, you know what? Let me see Treyas's... "View character info powers." Healing Word. "Target, you are an ally in the burst. "The target can spend a healing surge and regain one D6 additional hit points." So yeah, he's gonna do that right now. So that's used. So right off the bat, you're using one of your healing surges, Justin, and roll a D6, and you're also getting those hit points too. One. Wow, so that's one. And then what are your regular healing surges?

Regular healing surge... I don't know. All I know is I have seven. Details, if you look under details. So it's six. So you just gained seven health. -Where do you see that? -Under details? -Yeah, but where under-- -Look at stats. There's initiative, max hit points, surge, you know. -Trust me, it's six. -It's right underneath the tabs there. Yeah. It's the first thing underneath the tabs. I thought you meant in the column, where you can scroll all the way down. -No. -Okay. All right, cool. Eight. Bam, you are up to seven health. I'm dead. And you're not dead anymore, but that is the end of your turn.

Well, yeah, because it wasn't even my turn to begin with. Oh. Also, that affected you too, Tyler, because you were in the burst too. So you spend the healing surge, which is eight. Awesome. And then roll a d6 too. -Three. Okay. -That's fully healed. That's 11. -Cool. -Bam. So you're fully healed. And who is next in the order? -Vamp number four. -Oh. ♪ Vamp number four Who's gonna take a swim? ♪ ♪ I need a double air in me ♪ Oh, he's gonna swing again at Andrew. Because he's right next to him. It's just good business. -It's convenient. -It's just good business. You know?

Why not? Uh, 20. So that's gonna hit for five. Now, Justin and Andrew are bloodied. -Oh. -And that's gonna drive these vampires nuts. -Uh-oh. -So just letting you know. -Vampire Lord's turn. -Oh, no. He's going at Andrew. Oh, my. I told you guys we shouldn't have gone to this damn cave. One, two, three. He's gonna run right at Tyler. But he's got him hit in the tummies. -No, he's free of that. -No, I forgot. He's gonna take out his sword and use Death Strike. -It's a sword? -He has a sword, yep. That sounds, um... deadly. Uh, 25. Does that hit your AC? Yeah. Uh, and that is gonna do 2d6 plus six damage.

-Ten. -Mm, low rolls, good. Bam. So you're down to 22. -And much worse. -Yeah, that could have. -Uh, your turn. -All right. Let's go right back at him with the basic attack. [LAUGHTER] -Shit. -The one that destroyed your teammate but failed to hit the vampire. [LAUGHTER] -Wow. -Fourteen. Well, um... -That's all I got. -Well, that's all I got. Uh... Shane, your turn. Raphael. -I'm gonna hit Vampire Spawn. -Okay. -My long distance attack. -Okay. And, uh... Twenty-eight. Go ahead and roll damage, sir. That hits him. My damage is what again? -Uh, it's rate-- -Five. So it's, uh, range-- It's 1d6 plus five.

Okay. -Dead. -Yes! Fuck you! So it's just you guys in this cave with the vampire lord. -Vamp-lo. -If you use the healing surge, is that, like, a minor action? -No. -Fuck you, Vamp-lo. That's an action action. Oh, yeah. I killed two vampires. Fuck you. It is your turn, Andrew. Okay, uh, let me, I guess, scoot a little closer to this guy. And, uh... -Turn into the ape. -Okay, hold on. Let's put this out here. This is the much-teased giant ape that-- Let me see. He unleashes frickin' Super Saiyan. Uh, that's a giant ape. I got an idea for him to-- We're all gonna frickin' gang up on him around him.

Hell... Hey, wait a minute. Just start kicking him. To change into an ape, I just gotta hit-- -It says form of primal... -Primal ape, yep. So that's a minor action, and it's your daily power. So, like, once you're-- Now you're this ape. Like, you just cash it in, basically. It's like, "Fuck this. Ape time." -Ape time. -You assume the form-- I love that you said ape time. You assume the form of a primal ape for the end of the encounter or until you change into another animal, and then you can't go back to that. -Why you're-- -And, uh... -Does the DK rap play?

-No. -No. -Never. While you are in this form and are bloody, you gain a plus five bonus to athletics checks and always jump as though you have a running start. Additionally, when you jump, you-- The distance you jump is not limited by your speed. Once before the end of the encounter, you can use primeval ape power attack. [chuckles] Which I'm assuming-- Actually, you probably wanna move up one more. -That's what you're-- -Yeah. Okay. -Fuck him up now. -So, realistically, he's saying it's Morphin' Time and then-- -Essentially. -[imitates music] So, he is a very large ape now.

Oh, my God. In a cave. -A gorilla, if you will. -A gorilla? So, are you using that power attack now or do you wanna just hit him? Hit him where it hurts. Uh, well, let's use that power attack now. What the hell? Okay. This would be the first attack you actually land, by the way, -if you do land this. -[laughs] -What happens? -One large or small creature. Wisdom versus-- Now, you're attacking his Fortitude, not his Armor class. It's a D20+5. Sixteen? Uh... That's a miss. What? What? Now, wait, it's not over, because when you use a daily power, it missed. And you push the target back and knock it prone.

But that missed, so I guess nothing happens. Damn, usually there's a miss and you get half damage or knock the target prone or something, but not in this case. Now, the good news is that you're still a big-ass gorilla. Good. So, that will come in handy later, but for right now, that didn't-- Like, you are not having a good luck with dice rolls -and I am sorry. -You're not having a good day luck. [laughs] It's like Donkey Kong's big punch just doesn't land. No. [laughs] When the inexperienced players on Smash Brothers just do it. Yeah, it's true. You didn't wind it up.

Uh, Shavar, your turn. -Justin. -All right. I'm gonna move right here, 'cause I don't know any better. -I keep thinking of Jafar. -Yep, Jafaro. [laughs] I'm gonna use Burning Hands. Okay. I say we go around him and just... -He has nowhere to go. -Yeah, that's cute. [chuckles] Sorry. Um... D20 plus five. -Bam! -20. 20. That's versus AC, right? -Uh, it's versus... -Reflex. -Reflex? Yeah, that'll miss. -Fuck. -Vampire Lord's reflexes are real good. -I'm gonna use my Action Point. Heroic effort? -What are you talking about? -Wait, wait, wait. -Action Point. -I'm using an Action Point.

Oh, okay, to cash it in. Yes, okay. -I'm gonna cash it in. -Okay. Everyone gets one Action Point right now. That means you can take another move or attack roll that turn. I'm gonna use Spook. Okay, wait. Let me read what Spook does. -Does it mean Tyler gets three then? -Uh... -Four, potentially. -What? Spook. Trigger, you would make an Intimidate check. Effect, you instead make an Arcane check, and that is the result to determine the outcome. Yeah, that's not gonna help you here. -I could scream at him. -You could. -The moralizer. -If you're farse into religion, can you just pull out a cross and... [chuckles] How do you know it's Christianity?

That's really presumptuous of you. The vampires don't like any religion. It could be some weird symbol that you've never ever seen before. Could be Judaism. I haven't seen a Star of David scare off a vampire yet. Not me either. I'm gonna try burning his face again with burning hands. -Again, you're gonna try this. -Why not? You have 30 attacks and you're gonna try that again. Well, I've used most of them. Okay, go ahead. Try it again. See if I care. I don't care. -I don't care. -Healing Ward. -Okay, I'm back. -Oh, sheezle! Jay's back. I'm gonna catch Jay off on what happened in just a minute.

-What did you do? -Oh, my stats were used against everybody. -Oh, did Jay get controlled? -My amazing attacks were used against Justin. He destroyed Justin to a zero. -One hit, basically. -What? Yes. -Where's Justin? -Hold on one second. Justin used an action point to take a turn. What are you doing, Justin? -Burning hands? -Yeah, I missed. Oh, okay. This time I got a 16 rather than a 20. You need to do some long-range stuff. Okay, actually, it's your turn right now, Jay. So here's what happened. The guy stumbled into the last room, basically. -The last supper. -Yeah, the last supper.

Last cavern. And there's a Vampire Lord and there were four minor vampires. They took out the four minor vampires with pretty relative ease. -I killed two. -Shane Coward, a lot. -But I killed two. -You did kill two. -I did. -And then the Vampire Lord dominated Tyler and used that to crush Justin. Justin's back up using a drunk version of you that I had as a stand-in. I see. Okay, good. Your drinking problem has flared up again. That's what killed us last time, actually. All of our teammates. You could plop yourself right in, like, somewhere in this area. -There.

-Okay, I see. You're right there. Right where the devil himself stumbled. Did you see this, Ann? Hold on. Wait, wait. Okay, I'm back. -The blue one? -Turn off that voice thing. Oh. -You're right here. -There we go. -He stole my finger. -I forgot. Every time someone new joins or something, you gotta... Yeah, put yourself somewhere in there. -There's a blue hand. -That's Shane being a dick. Okay, where is actually a good place to be, then? You gotta put yourself somewhere there. -That's where you start. -It's gonna be there. You get to immediately jump over the lava, which only Shane had a problem with.

He burned his foot. -Right there? -There? Yeah, right somewhere in there. And take your turn. It's your turn now, so... Poor Andrew. He has missed every dice throw. He turned into a giant ape, took a swing at him with his daily power and missed. -This guy right here? -This fellow? -Yes. -Yes, you are the Hulk fan. This is the Vampire Lord. The guy who looks like a Twilight background character. The fruity one! [chuckles] Looks like his name should be Aiden. [laughs] What can I move my character? Oh, hold on. I think the settings got... [grunts] Okay, you should be able to.

No? We just saw you move. I placed it down there, but it won't let me budge. Okay, hold on. -Try now. -No, it won't let me move you. -Try. -It lets me move this. I can move you. Hmm, that's weird. It might be because you jumped out and jumped back in. You want me to move him? Uh... -What the hell? -What can you point? Yeah. Right there. -You said? -No. -There's anything I'm doing? -No. -What the hell? -Jump back in, dude. -What happened? -Back out and jump back in. Okay. Just... X out. Yeah. Launch. What happened, by the way? Was it an emergency? -Knot in a sort of. -Okay. -Okay.

-Yeah. We ran out of milk. [both laugh] -Survival. -We can't live without cereal! We had to go and tackle the cow. Then we realized it was a bowl and it got awkward. [both laugh] This is not an adequate amount of milk. Oh, wait. [both laugh] These Cheerios taste funny. [both laugh] They're all sticking together. With the milk congealing. I like it though. It gave it some zing to the flavor. It's got spunk now. [both laugh] Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I'll be here all week. Uh... Ooh! [both laugh] Get off the stage! Let me give you a little background on this guy.

He's really fucking tough. [both laugh] His AC is in the 20s. Aimed at my powers. Oh, shit. Can I change that real quick? -Change what? -My move? -Sure. Go ahead. -Okay. Justin had a power to give us an extra action point, I believe. Can I move here? Uh... -I think he should be able to... -Yeah, because let's say you moved around. -Okay. -Yeah, sure. Okay, we just crowd him and jump him. I'm gonna use Smite Undead. Oh, smart man. Vampires are undead. Most of the time you think walking skeletons or something. Okay, I believe target. One undead creature, which he qualifies for.

Attack is wisdom versus willpower. -Um, hit is 2W. -Remind me, what the hell does that mean again? -Weapon. -I've been to weapon. I get two hits? Uh, well, it's whatever your weapon damage is. Plus, does he get another one because of Justin? No. Justin used it. Justin used the action power. He used it for him. Everyone has one, you know. -Yeah, I used it. -Here's the deal. Apparently I can use my, uh... I can use my wisdom modifier, so there's that. Um, radiant damage. And I get to push the target a number of squares up to 3 plus my constitution modifier. That's rude.

So, and the target is immobilized until my next turn. -God damn. -You push him to the lava. Well, there's a... Is that a wall there or what the hell is that over there? Uh, the lava? No, he's talking about the black, uh... Oh, that's a crevice, basically. -That's the state of danger. -Push him with a crevice. Yeah, that's the idea. I can push him at least three squares. Can he levitate? Lid his pockets before you do it. Pin him. Uh, let me see. So it's D20 plus 9, actually. -So, um... -Good luck. For the attack. And then the radiant is 2... Oh, God. Okay, let's do the attack roll first.

I'm gonna get my hopes up. Uh, wait, let me... What is this again? Three first? It's a wisdom modifier versus willpower. Okay. He's got a lot of will, but go ahead. Okay, I can break him. What the hell is my wisdom modifier? Anyway, hold on. It automatically does it. Oh. I don't need to click it or anything. I just go for it. It automatically has it in the math. Yep. Oh, I see. Okay. So, plus 9. For some reason, it says plus 9. Okay, roll. -Fourteen. -Gosh. Ooh. Yeah, that's gonna miss. -Okay. -Sadly. He's next in the attack check order. He's gonna fuck us up. He's gonna fuck someone up.

Any of you, he can. -So... -I'm distant in the distance. So, Jeremy already used his action point? Nope. What does that mean? What do I get to do? Well, the action point, you can take another attack. You only get to spend one action point per day, though. -Hmm. -Throwing every other combat. No. Action points are once a day. Or every time you rest. Yeah. What the hell is this? Technically, he can kill and hit me, can't he? He can do pretty much whatever he wants. Like, it's... He can walk up to me and just slap me. -Sorry. -You're not fighting them. [whooshes] Okay, um, was I close by any chance to hitting him?

Uh... I can't tell you that. Hmm, okay. Hmm. You were pretty close. I saw it. [laughs] That's the best chance to end this fight before anybody else gets their butt bloodied. I mean, in a matter of points, though. Fuck it, I'm gonna use heroic effort. -Can I get a plus four? -Yeah, if I miss an attack, I get that plus four to it. Uh, you were off by three. -Oh, still? -Yeah, still. -All right. -His willpower is a 21. God damn it. That's ten more than me. He's a goddamn vampire lord. He has the ability to dominate people with his eyes. -That's pretty willful. -I wanna stab him.

-Uh, whose turn is it? -Vampire lord. Vampire lord, okay. So was that your action point, or was that your encounter? It was triggered if I missed it. -If I should have. -So it's not my action point yet. All right, vampire lord. What are we gonna do? And who are we gonna do it to? Uh... That's a me, Seth the Frog. He will probably go for Justin. [clears throat] Uh, he's gonna use... Ooh, dominating games. [clears throat] You know, he's just gonna use a short sword attack. -Cut somebody's hole. -Against Tyler. -Mm-hmm. -So, let's see here. That's a d20 plus nine. No, versus a plus 11.

Sorry. -Oh, okay. -23 versus your AC. -Yeah. -Yeah. Uh, that's ten damage. Yay. -That's bloody then, right? -Yep, he sure is. That's three of you that are bloodied. He's loving it, by the way. [laughter] He just starts openly masturbating. [laughter] What are you doing all the way over there? It's not a sexual thing. It's a hunger thing. Uh, Tyler, Thoril, your turn. -He needs you. -Thrilips. What are you doing all the way over there? -Uh... -Gowering? No, I didn't run away. There was a vampire goon right there and I killed him. There was a bug and it looked intimidating.

There's something in my eye. It's okay. I said, "Go ahead, guys." Mind you, it's been a lot of turns since I last went. I'm due to kick his ass, so here we go. -All right. -Nearly basic attack. Come on. -20! -Oh, yeah! -That's a crit. -That's a 10 plus eight, -so that's 18 damage for that. -18. Now, that's, again, just to explain what a crit is, if you roll a d20 and it comes up 20, whatever happens, you get to do maximum damage with that attack. So that's... What was it again you said? -D10 plus eight, so 18. -18 right there. That's 18 damage and you get to take a second attack, so go ahead.

-Yay! -Ah, shit! That one misses. -But it's okay. -What happened to him by horse? Think about taking my action point so I couldn't do another attack. -Let's do it. -Let's do it. I have a bad feeling about what's gonna happen if I bloody him. Oh, no. I have a feeling I'm gonna be dead. Fuck it, I'll use it. I'll use my action point and do another attack roll. -You there? -Oh, I'm here. -I'm waiting for the roll. -Okay, okay. -23. -23, that'll hit. -Yes. -All right. Roll damage, sir, roll damage. And 10. -10 damage. -10 damage and take another attack roll. -So, eight damage.

-9. -You rolled doubles. -20. -Oh! -20, that'll miss. -What? -Heroic effort. -21. -Heroic effort? -That's a plus for you. -That'll hit. -Wow. -Wow. Uh, six plus eight. -13. -13 damage. Goddamn. I wonder how much he has left. I hope you're wearing a condom, Tyler. I really hope you're wearing something. I did like what? I said I did 18, 10 and 13, so... He's not even bloodied yet. Wait. Humana humana. -That's 41 damage I just did. -Yeah. -That was comic room? -Fucker. -That was a Laurel and Hardy. -What the hell are you doing here, DM? What kind of bullshit is this? Humana humana.

How many goddamn hit points does he have? Holy shit. -Keep your ass open. Start backstabbing. -Shane, your turn. I'm gonna move up to him. So, if I wanna get a... Far range, I can't be right on him, right? No, but let me explain your character. You're playing him as a ranged character, not a ranger. He's a get-in-close, sneaky, stabby guy. Okay, then I'll get right next to him, right? -Sure. -Like right there. -Metal planking. -And now... What do you suggest? Gloaming cut? Yeah, you could do that. That's a pretty high success rate. That'll be a d20+10, because you get an extra two because you're flanking him.

-Whoa! -27! Shazam! -Shazam! -And now what? Then you see the damage right underneath it. That's 1d6+0. So just 1d6. Okay. Three. Three damage. -That's not that good. -And now you've really pissed him. [LAUGHS] You also got... You got all your... The powers in red and black, those are more powerful. -Now I have them now? -No, you've always had them. -You've always had the power, Dorothy. -I just can't do skip the rock. No, that's for a sling. I don't know why you had that move. -I don't know how you got that move. -Yeah, what the fuck? You don't even use a sling. That's more of a Davey move.

Um... No? No one? Bible? Okay. -Yeah, I know. -[LAUGHS] -Boo! -No one reads their Bible? Fine. Um... I'll stick to the Jizz jokes. That's fine. -Jizz cereal. -I'll play to the audience. Andrew! Speaking of Jizz cereal? No, that doesn't tie in at all. Um... Atticool! -Okay. -Gorilla! -I'm gonna use... -He is the fucking gorilla! -Uncle Tom. -They use the darting bite, I guess. Oh, that's a good one. [LAUGHS] -Let's see. -Oh, yeah, baby. -Twenty-five. -Twenty-five? Wait a sec. Versus reflexes. Ooh, hold on. It's a crit. That's a crit. -It is a crit! Oh, shit, it's a crit! -Oh, we got him.

-I said quit. -So what do I gotta do now? Uh, well, you just do maximum damage. So what's the max-- What is-- It's a D10+5 that automatically-- Bam, you get it. -Fifteen. -Way to go, gorilla! Ah... If at least one of the attacks hits-- Okay, wait, one of the attacks... The counter beast form was a hit-- One D10+1. If at least one of the attacks hits, you can shift two squares if you want. Yeah, you can shift one-- You know, so he takes 15 damage. -Okay, so... -If you wanna move. -If you wanna move. -I don't have. So I just hit the damage and that's it? Yes. You already did the damage.

You rolled a crit, right? If you look up top, you rolled a D20 and you got 20. That's a crit. -So you did maximum damage. -Oh, okay. -Yeah. -I didn't roll this. Yeah, so you missed every roll except that one, but you got a crit. So that's like the dice gods giving you a gift. -Gotta work out. -Ah. So you flex real hard in front of him. -You tell him, "Fuck you." -You roar. [LAUGHS] Ah, that's it for you. You wanna stop? -I don't have turn. -Do I hit it? I can go again? If you wanna use an action point, you get one a day. -Do it again. -What the hell? [LAUGHS] And Andrew's using his action point to do another attack.

Now, you've used that power. So that's an encounter power. So you can only use it one time per fight. So you've used it. I'm gonna use then... Uh, I guess... Uh, let's see. What is this? -Uh, pounce. -Pounce. The pounce! Here we go. Uh... 13. Uh, that's a... Wait. Okay, yeah, that's a 13. [LAUGHS] Okay, well, they can't all be delicious. It's okay. I can't believe a move used by Marcus Corvaughn failed. [LAUGHS] 'Cause he wasn't the alpha male. If he had an alpha male, it would automatically be a critical. [LAUGHS] I think you have to sing the song and then... You know what?

As the Dungeon Master, Andrew, if you wanna sing a couple of bars of that song, -I'll let you reroll that. -That's okay. Okay, I was gonna let you reroll. [LAUGHS] Justin! Shevar, your turn. I'm gonna roll to get away from him. [LAUGHS] -I'm on the way. -Probably good. Uh, you need an 11 or higher. -Wait, what was that? What'd you say, Shane? -I said, "Run away." That's funny 'cause you're the melee guy, and your vagina was all the way over there away from the con. Yeah, since I walked in, I was just a vampire. As soon as I walked in, I saw three people bloodied and you in the corner just, like, giggling.

So I was killing a vampire. If it was good enough for Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween, it's good enough for Shane. Hey, I killed a vampire, and then 20 turns later, I got to move on. -20 turns later? -It's unfair to Jamie Lee Curtis. -You're right. -So I need to roll a 20-sided die, right? Yep, 20-sided, 11 or higher, you break away. -You broke away! -Yes! I'm a pierce. [LAUGHS] See you guys later. I'm also gonna use my, uh... Charm of Misplaced Wrath. It's 20 plus 5 because of my int. If it hits, you slide the target up to three squares. The target then stays until the end of your next turn.

In fact, the target takes a basic attack against a creature of your choice as a free action. The basic attack gains +2 power bonus. Yeah, I don't know if you'd want to use that portion of that spell. Why? 'Cause it would be against one of your friends. -I thought... Oh, okay. -That's a choice. You don't have to use that portion. We all know what happens when we do attacks that inadvertently hit each other. Doesn't Tyler nearly die? Isn't that what happened? -All right, uh... -I was limping around for about half an hour. Okay, but... So I do roll a 20-sided die +5.

Yep. Do it! That's 13. And miss. -All right. -All right. Uh, Treyas. Okay, first of all, I'm going to use one of my healing wards. It's a minor action on Thoril. Okay. 'Cause we're banking on him at this point. He's the big hitter. So he gets to use a healing surge, right? -Yes. -Okay. Which is a pull on to... Hold on, wait, wait, wait. Eight. Yes. Okay. Uh, so that's plus... Where's his thing? There we go. Use a healing surge. Bam! All right, you're back up to 20. All right. And I'm going to use my daily power. I get to use all the powers I never get to use today. Nymneth is a holy shield.

I'm going to get the... Hold on, wait. Okay, either way, I'm going to get the hit out of the way. So 20... Okay, so Wisdom versus Willpower again. Uh, da-da-da, boom. -14 as a hit. -No. The effect, though... Not on the hit, but the effect when I attack is each ally within two squares of me gains plus two power to all defenses. Nice! Ah, buffer. Yeah, fuck, that's good. Remember that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And you're done? And... Hold on, wait. I'm going to use my action... I guess that includes armor class, right? -Yes. -Okay. Armor class, I'm going to use Blessings of Battle.

I'm using my eye. Action point. Okay, using your action point, doing Blessings of Battle. Okay, so you're taking a swing at them. Okay. And... Once again, boom. -24. -24 will hit. All right, and so that is... 1d8. Make sure this is an 8. That's a 10. Uh, plus 6. Boom. -7. -7. And... Ladies and gentlemen, he's bloodied. -I made God bleed. Awesome. -Yes! Now what? And the effect... I pretty much give somebody damage resistance equivalent to my Constitution modifier. What the hell is that? Hold on. I forgot. So that's on top of the... Wow, that's good. Someone's going to be nigh invincible.

So, hold on. Constitution modifier... Is that a 2 there? Let me see here. Details, Constitution... Yes, 2. Okay, so 2... I'm going to go with Thoril. You give him hell. Okay, so he's got plus 4 damage resistance, basically. No, he's got plus 2 damage resistance and a plus 2 buff to his AC. Wait. Got a 1. A 1. Let me make sure... Let me make sure I'm reading that right. So whatever damage he's going to get, he takes negative 2. Okay. -There you go. Give him hell. -Vampire Lord's next. -Vampire Lord's turn. -I don't mind being a heavy hitter, but I feel like I'm just...

All our hopes and dreams are on you, kid. I'm batting clean up here. Andrew's having a shitty day for dice rolls. He did crit on that last one, though, so... So let's see. That means your AC is a 21. It's been rolling like 26s, unfortunately. So he's bloody now. -Yes. -Yes. -Oh, yeah, baby. -You just made him angry. -Yep. -He's going to use Bite. -Oh, no. -He's going to Bite Thoril. -He's going to take it. -He's going to take it back. -1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... -He turns out to be a vampire and after he gave him all that shit. Um... -Uh... -I forgot he can do that, can't he?

-Uh, 14. -Fuck you. -First is Fortitude. -Fortitude. -Uh, 13 is what it is. -Damn it. But you get a +2 defensive roll for all defensive things. -Yes! -So you avoided it by 1. Ha-ha! -Oh! -And it's your turn. All right, I'm going to first use my daily minor action, Oak Skin, and give myself... Let's see, you gain resistance to all damage until the end of your encounter. The resistance equals your Wisdom modifier. -Shit. -My Wisdom gives me an extra 2 damage resistance. So now if I get damage, it's a -4. Nice. Um, and then, yeah, I guess I'll just step up to the plate and start swinging.

-I know the drill. -Yeah. -26. -Basic melee attack. -26 hits. -Fuck. -26. -And 13 damage. 13 damage, ladies and gentlemen, and take another attack. All right, here comes swing number 2. 24. That'll hit as well. Yeah. -That's 8. -And 11 damage. And 11 damage. So he's taking a lumping here. He's getting the shit kicked out of him. So he's going to start getting desperate. He's like, "Oh, my heart!" -Uh... -Me. -Shane, your turn. Raphael. -Oh, I want to use Blinding Barrage. I think that's a ranged... I think it is. I'm not sure. If I can move a couple away, can I use it then?

Sure. You gotta break away first. -Yeah, I gotta roll for that. -How much roll... What do I have to roll? Uh, it is... Just roll a d20. If it's above 10, then you break away. -And my bonus is 8, isn't it? -Nope. There's no bonus to a breakaway. Okay. Two, so you're staying put. Okay, then... I'm going to do a... Running Slash! Uh, you move up to your speed and make the following attack. You're already next to him, though, is the thing. [CHUCKLES] -Run two inches. -Yeah. I mean... I guess you could run diagonally up a square? If we really want to bend the rules? Yeah, but then our heavy hitter wouldn't have that buff, though.

-That's true. -Yeah. Fine, let me just do melee basic attack. -Okay. -Or wait, Gloaming Cut? -Yeah, you can do that, too. -Sounds so sad. -So d20 plus 8? -What's Gloaming? Uh, yeah. [CHUCKLES] -23, that's... -That hits. -That's versus AC. Yeah, that's it. -That's it. And now, uh... -Oh, just 1D? -1D6. -1D6, yes. -So plus 6? -Nope. -Oh, no? Okay. -4. He did 4 damage. -That's not much at all. -Remember this team. -It's a asshole sign, hear me? [CHUCKLES] -Double A! -Monkey. -Okay, uh... Let me see here. I guess I'll just... -Shane really loves your character, by the way. -He really does.

He's a big fan. He's got a T-shirt and everything. -Giant Girl. -I guess I'll... -What tie? Hold on. -I think I'm gonna... Hold on, let me see what else I got. -We're rolling with a tie. Who doesn't like that? -Take your time, double A. -We'll do, uh... I guess... dynamic assault? -Okay. -Well, that's 20 plus 5... -25. -God damn, that's crit. -Oh, that's another fucking crit! -God damn! Okay, so that means I can hit him again? Well, what it means is you've done the max damage for that, which is 9. So you've just done 9 damage to him. And then there's an effect thing.

-Let's see. -How many can move? You pick an ally within 5 squares of you and take a free action to move a number of squares up to their Constitution modifier. And they gain a plus 5 bonus to Athletics checks. So you pick someone and they can move if they want. -And since... -Ooh, ooh, me! Yeah. -Okay, Shane. -Okay, Shane, you can move... -Let me see, it's Constitution now. -It can break away now. So you get to move two spaces in any direction you want. Okay. I move... -I can move diagonal too, huh? -Yep. All right, then I'm gonna move right here. Okay. All right, and it is Justin's turn.

-I'm gonna heal. -Kabar, you're gonna heal. -You're gonna bring me up to 15. -Okay. And you're not moving or anything? No. -Fuck you, guys. -Oh, well, you heal for 6, not 8. -Wait, what? -Your healing surge is 6. That's the value for it. Okay. You are a fool. I'll go to 14. 13. -Not bloody no more. -13. And it is Trace's turn. Jeremy. What's his AC? -I cannot divulge that information. -Okay. Cannot confirm what he got. [LAUGHTER] Okay. A 20 doesn't hit him, but a 23 does. So it's somewhere between... It's either 21 to 23, one of those... Fine, then that won't work. I need to remember that move.

Um... Hmm... I guess there's really nothing else I can do here. Can he go on top of the gorilla... -What? -Shane, stop, stop. ...and jump off the head of the gorilla? -Gorilla? -He's not your character. I'm just curious. Can he use the gorilla as a platform? We're learning Shane has a monkey fetish at this point. I don't know. No, I'm just saying we have a gorilla on our team. Can he, like... Can we use him to launch us in the air and then do a Zelda Triforce stab? A fast ball special? No. Does everything have to be a fucking reference? [LAUGHTER] ...interaction, daily power once again.

God damn it, Lillies. Resurgence strength on Thoril. He's going to get a healing surge. And he's also going to get a +4 power bonus to his next damage roll. All damage rolls until the end of my next turn. -Good thing I didn't use one of my encounter powers. -Good thing I didn't use one of my encounter powers. So hopefully I'll hit next turn and I'll get it. You're gonna shit on the vampire. And lessons of battle. And fuck it. And what the hell, a couple of corndogs. [LAUGHTER] Okay, so kill him next turn. So first of all, let's go back to the beginning here.

Uh... burst effect. So he takes... He gets to use a... -Healing surge? -One healing surge, right? I'll do eight. Okay, bam. So you're up to 28 now, Tyler. And he gets a +4 attack bonus. -Mm-hmm. -Okay. -And damage roll. -Damage roll. -Damage roll. -Not damage. Ooh. No, power bonus to... Ooh, you're right. Shit. To all of his attack rolls. To all of his damage rolls. -Yeah, get your head. -Well, fuck. [LAUGHTER] That's a minor power, so that's not my actual, like, attack action. Goddamn it. And then I'm gonna use lessons of battle, which I'm gonna roll for that. -Okay. -13, that is.

But the effect is that I'm gonna sustain the damage resistance on him -for another turn. -Okay. -Yep. -Okay, so he gets +2 for damage resistance. Nothing changes. He keeps it, you know. Well, he loses the +2 buff for all of his defense stuff. -Oh, really? -Yes, but he does... He does still keep the +2 for the actual damage resistance. So I still have a -4 on the damage... -'Cause it'll take away 4 from damage resistance. -No. Are you counting the Nimbus of the Holy Shield, that +2? Yeah. Doesn't that fade after a turn? Actually, until the end of the encounter. Oh, well, then, never mind.

-It's a daily power. -Well, shit. Okay, never mind. -Daily the shit out of it. -So you're done. Yes. And it's Vampire Lord's turn. He's gonna cast "Why are you doing this?" He's gonna cast "Okay, can we talk?" "Why are you doing this?" Blah, blah. Blah, blah. Blah, I'm bleeding. All right. Where the fuck did I die? Fuck my dick. Jay has taken the role of the medic, and I have taken the role of the heavy. I'm the buffer, essentially. You're stroking his ego. Well, you know, when I wanna come by and participate in the fight, I'll definitely help you out, too, okay?

All right. Here's what we're gonna do. He's gonna use Dominick Gaze on Tyler. Oh, no. So that's a... Whammy, whammy, whammy. That's a d20 plus nine, but a negative... -Two. -Two? -Yes. -Yeah. -Negative two. -Just give him a seven. D20 plus seven. What does it have to be in order to get... -Thirteen? -What is it against? Your willpower. So 14 versus your willpower. My willpower is a 14. Yes. Doesn't he get something good for his defense on all things? I took it off already. -So Tyler is dominated. -And... -Again. -He has a bonus to his damage rolls. Oh, my God. He's swinging at...

-Jay. - Son of a bitch. God damn it. It's Thor's turn. I thought the defense thing was to the end of the eight counter. -It is. -Yeah, it is. Yeah, I have a 14. -Oh, it's just the AC or... -No, no, no. I already took it off. That's what the nine was and it was knocked down to seven. Oh, okay, okay. Thor's gonna go hit an attack trace with a basic melee attack. Okay. Five of them. So let's see here. Vampire Lord knows his character well. Come on, miss. Come on, miss. Doesn't he get a buff to attack? -No, that's the damage. -No damage. -I'm sorry. -Roll the damn dice, DM.

I'm sorry. -27? -So it's a revealing light? -Fuck. -It's a revealing light. Okay, okay, okay. So that's... Oof. This is... -This is mean. -This is fucking mean. Um... Thorol is a monster. Maybe we should push him off a cliff. Go ahead and do that. Come back down here and push him off a cliff. You didn't seem like I haven't done nothing. I killed two of the four goons. -They have four health. -Damn, well. Uh, 13 damage to Dreyus and he's gonna... He's gonna take another swing. Oh, my God. -There's a possible 20,000 damage. -I'm gonna do my charge next. Uh... Dual weapon attack.

Oh, this feels mean. It's just... Uh... 16 misses, right? -Yes. -Okay. -Oh, yeah. -God. Okay, Tyler, you get to throw a saving roll. -Hey. -Fuck. You are still dominated. Wait, does he get a plus two? Not the saving rolls. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. It's gotta be 11 or more. Uh, Shane, your turn. Can I blind Tyler? Not helping. -Oh, he's still under control. -You could do your job and do a melee attack. -Yeah. -On the vampire, not me. Well, you still have that barrage move you wanted to use. -Just throw that. -Yeah, their barrage. Do it. Okay, I'm gonna do it to the vampire lord.

Okay, blinding barrage. It's a close blast three, just letting you know. You have to wield a crossbow. Dexterity modifier and damage. Target is blinded until the end. So, I mean, like, you would blind... everyone. -You would... -Not me, right? No, but you would potentially blind the vampire lord, Tyler, uh, Jeremy and Double A, if you hit them all. [chuckles] -Oh, boy. -So that would help? I don't know. It would help because we got two down, but then we hurt two. -God, help us all. -You are reasoning this out. I love it. I did blind three of my teammates, but...

Yeah, but technically it's, like, two teammates. -Dude, I am just the DM. -What forces them as the enemy? -So, uh, you know... -Can I do a stealth roll? This is just good business. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, it hits something and then hits the eight squares around it? It's a close past three, so, yeah, it's a pretty big... yeah. So, attack right here. That'll still hit everything. -But not Justin. -Not Justin, no. [chuckles] Justin's still just gonna be healing himself the next turn anyway. I got an idea for my next turn, so... It's up to you, man.

I'm just the DM. I'm here as a neutral party. You can do whatever you like. You're enjoying every second of it, though, aren't you? I'll do Running Slash. Okay, that seems a bit more reasonable, but... Running Slash. So, you're gonna run on up to this guy, you're streaking across the battlefield, and you're going to... Naked is the day you were born to strike fear. Make some more aerodynamic. [laughter] -What do I roll? D20+8? -D20+8. Come on! -Yeah! -23. What's that for? AC? -Is it versus...? -I got it. No, it's versus Reflex. Yeah, well... His Reflex is a 23. You hit it.

Oh, yeah! So, let's see here. Running Slash. You've used it. Your damage is 1d4+5. -So, bonus five? -Yes. Seven? -Seven. -Oh, good. Always control. So, do I stay there on the map? No, you stay right in front of him. Move up in front of him. -Combat... Flanking. There you go. -There you go. You got you and Trey a set Flanking. So, that works out. Andrew, your turn. I think I'm going to... -The hell? -You can't run, either. He started out slow, but now he's just beefing. -He's a crit. -He's a crit. Do the Dynamic Assault again, I guess. Dynamic Assaults. Dynamic Assault. It's stronger.

-Oh, for sure. -Whoosh. 12. That's not going to hit, unfortunately. -What? -It's not. But your next roll is probably going to be a crit, so... Do you want to move or try to move? Um... I guess I can move. Let me see. Um... Can you try to move up once? -All right, I'll move. -The roll can get... -When I shake myself out of this. -Yeah. [LAUGHTER] How long will he be dominated for? -Until he saves. -Until he saves. -Until he saves. -So he can do a saving roll. You know how I am with saving rolls. You got the first time, so I have faith. -Maybe. -Won't kill us all. -I have faith.

You won't kill us all. -Justin, your turn. -Okay, can I... -Shaboom. Can I do spook on him? -No! -To try to intimidate him out of it? Let me try and... Who, Tyler? -Yeah. -You can't... -You can't... -No, it's not... He's five years old, so my mom's like, "Get your shit together." So my dad was like, "Stop it, stop it." -You just can't... -Sort your life out, mate. Okay, what you're essentially trying to do is... You're trying to do the same cure for the hiccups... -Yeah. -That he just... -You're trying to use the same cure... -He's looking at it like he's in a daze, -swinging at people.

-He's trying to perform an exorcism by scaring me. -Yeah, that's what happens. -That's more for you're in town and you're trying to intimidate someone. You're just swapping to... That's all that is. -That's all spook is gonna do. -I'm gonna scream as hard as I can at him. -Sounds like a good idea. -All right. Was that your plan, Justin, the whole time? -Yeah. -Oh, my God. Now you see what I've... The cult of personality. Shit. Now he doesn't know what to do. -Oh, God. -I'll use magic missile. -All right. -Okay. Can't go wrong with a magic missile. We're just all surrounding him like the fucking...

I don't even get a buff on that. You get effect number two, intelligence, modifier for the damage. So, yeah. I mean, it's just for damage. Yeah, you don't even get a buff on it. All right, I'm gonna heal myself then. Get ready for a nice physical attack. -All right, so you're using healing surge. -Six. All right, and you're using healing surge. Bam, you are up to 19, sir. A5. And Jeremy, your turn. Treyus. I'm gonna use a minor action to do soothing light on Thoril. It's not gonna heal him or rid him of it, but he gets a plus two to saving rolls. -Oh! -So there's that at least.

God loves that. -Soothing light. -I love it. Um, let me see. How many... Do I have any healing surges left? -Let's see here. -I think I used them all. No, that uses other people's healing surges. It feels so bad, 'cause it's like my character is just beating the shit out of him while he's like, "You can fight it! You can fight it!" -Oh, man. -Here it is. -You still have nine. -Sorry, sir. -Oh, I do? -Yeah. I'm going to... Oh, wait. You need a minor action on him. Do I get another one or is that... How does that work exactly? Uh, let me see. What did you use? A minor action?

-Did you soothe the light on him? -I think you can do as many minor actions as you want. -Okay. I'm gonna heal myself then. -Okay. For just one healing surge? -Yes. -Yeah. Uh, use a surge. Pop! You're back up to 27. Cool. Whoa. And then I'm gonna use Blessings of Battle on him once again. Roll that. Uh, 19. -Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. -Uh, versus what? AC? -Versus his AC? -Miss. -Okay. I'm going to put the damage resistance on myself this time. -Okay. -Smart. -Plus two. Okay. Good idea. Considering Tyler can pretty much eat any of your lunches. Wait, I have flanking. Uh... Oh, you're right.

That's plus two. You hit him. -Cool. -Good. I forgot all about that. Okay. Um, so let's see. Go ahead. One D8 plus six. So now we found his AC. -Fourteen. -Uh, fourteen damage. -Okay. -Damage resistance on myself. -Now, uh, Vamp-Vamp-Loh's turn. -Uh, he looks shaky, by the way. -Vamp-Loh? -Shaking us. -Nice. -Boom! -Come on. -Thorough. -Get out of it. -Uh, it's Vamp, our Lord's turn. -Fight it. Fight it. -Vamp-Loh. Uh, let's see here. -He's gonna fuck you over. -Kill Shane! -Do it. Do it. -I was like something. -Cut his hair. -Here's what's gonna happen. He looks shaky as hell. He's going to lunge forward and try and bite Tyler.

-He already has a pizzazz. -I'm getting my shit pushed in right now. -He would let him, right? -Fifteen versus your fortitude. -Uh, I got a thirteen. -Oh. So, what this is gonna do is, uh... -2D12 plus ten damage. -Jesus! Firstly. -Come on. Low numbers. Low numbers. -Fifteen. Oh, thank you, Christ. And he just healed himself for 46 points of damage. -Oh, my God! -What? -What, an entire turn's worth of damage? -Yeah, that was like 30 minutes of damage. -And he's no longer bloody, guys. -But he can only use that once per encounter. He used it already. Well, it didn't land.

He can use it until it lands. That's the thing. -What? What, really? -Yes. -That doesn't sound right. -Yeah, I don't think that's how the rules work. -Once per encounter... -No, no, it says "in the power." -Oh, okay. -Oh, no, wait. I'm sorry. This is an "at will" power. I thought it was an encounter power. -So he can keep doing this. -Really? He can... Well, I mean, I'm not gonna use it again just because, but... -That's kind of gay. -That sounds broken. -[laughs] -Really? So if Tyler's on a roll, then he might be able to knock him down 46 points. That doesn't sound right, though, because it's just a D20+11 against Fortitude instead of AC.

That doesn't sound like just a regular attack. Yeah. It's listed as... I can show you the character sheet if you'd like. -Sucks. -All right, yeah, well... What a cheap fucking move. -Saving roll. -All right, let's just keep going. -Startles. -Thoril. Thoril's turn. So he's broken, right? He's out of it, or no, he's still in it? No, he's still in it. Well, I mean, yeah, he's still in the... Yeah. -Saving roll, one, there you go. -Plus two. -I believe... -Aspect of cunning. When have you got on with these aspects? I'm gonna move him away from me. -He's got a... -I guess he has to roll to...

Yeah, 'cause there's two people against him right there. -One. Aw. -Tripps. Yeah, that's a fail. That's a major fail. Yeah, that's not... That's not... Do a saving roll, by the way. -Uh... Nine. -Oh, plus the two. -Plus the two, you're free. -Bam. Yep, he's free, 'cause he had plus two to saving rolls. -You gave it to him. -Give him hell, do it. -Just enough, by the way. -Power Rangers movie. -What? -Shame. -I'm no longer Jason from the Power Rangers movie. -All right. -Cool. -Me, I'm going to... Hmm, what should I do? -You should jump up and back a space. -I can't. -I can't.

-She's telling you to kill yourself. [LAUGHS] Um... Can I do the move where I hit him and then go into stealth? Uh, is that an encounter power? Loaming, cut. -Uh... -Yeah, you can do that. Then you can run on the roll's back and you can run him in the battle and you can jump on him and you can do a backflip and you can do a bar wheel. Can we bring a monkey into this attack in some fashion? -Can we? -D20 plus eight? Yep. I move. -Uh, 20 versus... -Nope. -Yeah, no. -It's 20 versus 60 that failed. Nope, that missed, sadly. Do you want to try to move or stay where you are?

No, wait. -You have combat advantage. -He does. -Plus two, you did hit him. -Oh. -Totally didn't see that. -So now what? So now you roll a D6. Okay, one second. -Get rid of that. -Completely not with the rest of this. Has anyone seen the Quake Compact bundle that they have for Steam? Nope. -Um... -Negative five. What's it called? Can I still do that what's it called? You can only do once. -That what's that? -I mean once a... -Oh, action point? -Yeah. Sure. Okay, the rest of this move, did you want to shift or see if you can go into stealth or any of that? Uh, well, can I still attack in stealth?

Actually, you have a couple of attacks, don't you, that are better in stealth? -I don't know. -Don't you? -Blinding Barrage? No, you don't. -Oh. -Can I still hit him though? -Sure, yeah. I mean, if you want to try it again, do another bombing cut. So all I have to do is E20 plus... Yep. -So what damage have I already given to him? -Five. Okay. Eugh. Uh, plus two, yeah, that's gonna miss no matter what. That sucks, but yeah. -Okay, you... -With Combat Advantage? Even with Combat Advantage, even if you used Heroic Effort and Combat Advantage, 12 isn't gonna do it, yeah.

Uh, Andrew? Uh, Pounce? He's been waiting 15 minutes to say that. And, uh... No, I... So, I think I'll just sit back here in my chair... You can cheer the others on. Um... Yeah, he... Oh, wow, man. Actually, if you can find a clip of Disturbed's Down with the Sickness, you get a plus 10. [LAUGHTER] What? That's old T&A right there. If somebody out there got that, they laughed, okay? -Well, of course I did. -There you go. Uh, good Lord, I'm so sorry, Andrew. Do you want to try and move or anything? I think I'm right there. When you get a plus two, that's a... Yeah, nothing.

Nothing's gonna... I'm trying to add it up in my head to help. It's nothing. Justin, your turn. All right, I'm gonna use Magic Missile. -Yes. -Okay. That's a flat, just D20, no take-backs. -Versus what? -11. It doesn't matter. It's 11. Keep going. I had about as bad as luck as you, AA, except I was getting my ass kicked by a... -Ah, what the hell was it? -A cobalt. A cobalt in drag. Yes, that one that you were totally attracted to. -Thanks, Brent. -Treyus, Jeremy, your turn. Okay. Jesus Christ. We're wrapping this up, folks. Come on. It's Deco, bud. I'm free from my chains, so...

For now, but then I believe his turn is after... Oh, my God, it is. Yeah, so... Well, you might want to heal somebody. Yeah, I'm thinking about that. If I heal Sorrel, he's gonna try to do that shit again and then have a full-blown... He can do whatever he fucking wants. -Apparently all he has is at-will powers. -Yeah, evidently. He's a... Which makes me wonder what his daily powers are. I roll 3D20 plus 45 for damage. Then I get all that back and no take-backs. If I heal him, he's gonna try to dominate you again, so there's that. Or if I don't heal you, he's gonna try to attack you and kill you.

So... Interesting. He's surrounded on all sides. I'm just saying. Yeah, by weaklings. Double A in his defense is not a weakling. He's just terrible at luck. I'm saying we have people like Shane. He's constantly running from the fight like, "Watch out." -He's stabbing at him. -That's why I've been saying we need the robot back. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not like I'm over here. -Hey, I'm not... -You need the... I'm not all the way down here. -You know, all the way... -We need... -We need the other Bash brother. -I'm not here. -Okay, but I'm... -I'm not even down here.

-Okay, okay. -I'm the way, guys. -I have to be the way. -Okay, okay, Shane. -We get it, Shane. -We get it, Shane. We get it. -We're gonna be the robot. -We need the other Bash brother back. We need Dean Portman. Mm-hmm. Um... -I'm not even here. -Shut up, man. They can't just be Fulton. We need Portman, too. -Okay, fine. -Is that a Mighty Ducks reference? Just because we can survive it just in case, I can take the hit, or at worst, he's gonna kill Shane, which I think is not necessarily the worst loss. I'm gonna heal Doril. Okay. God help me. I'm sorry. Oh, no, Sven, it doesn't come back to...

Okay, so you're... What's under here, Shane? You're using that line, "If you kill Shane, that's not the worst thing." Uh, so what are you using? -Just a regular... -Healing Word. -Oh, you're using Healing Word. -You say I have eight more of those left, apparently? Uh... Minor action, encounter... No, no, okay, that's not... Healing Word is an encounter power, but you have... Healing Word is the one where they also get the healing power, Healing Word is the one where they also get to roll a d6. -Oh, cool. -Really? Yes. I've been using that before, that has never come into play.

Oh, that's level six, okay, I'm sorry. No, it's right there in the text. You do have a Minor action that allows you to let someone spend a healing thing, though. Yeah, I'll do that then. Okay, you don't want to use Healing Word. Not yet, not until... You want him to be better, but not too much better. Just in case... Well, yeah. -And you're using... -I'm gonna use Healing Word then, yeah. Otherwise, he's gonna fuck one of us up, if that's the case. -But at least, you know... -Roll a d6, Tyler. You probably attacked Double A because he's already weak. -No, Shane.

-And bleeding. It's you or me, Shane, just live with it. I don't think so. You're right next to him, he can attack Andrew. And he's not dominating, you guys are just assuming. I already know what I'm doing on my next turn. -Two d6. -It's one d6, Tyler. -Oh, I'm sorry, I got one d6. -One d6? -Yep. -Yes, sir. -One. All right. -That's his... Cool. Using Surge and bonus. Bam, you're up to 22 again. -Cool. -Okay. Blessings of battle. Blessings of battle. Let me make sure I'm adding this up right. Sorry, powers. Okay, roll. -Twenty-seven. -Oh, that'll hit, yes. -Excellent. -Okay.

And then... I think the eight plus six. -Roll. -Thirteen. Thirteen damage. All right, and... And pop. Okay, so that's it for you, right? Who are you giving the bonus to? Yeah, damage resistance. -Shane. -Oh, me? Okay. Okay. Regrudgingly. What the hell did I do? You're just Shane. -You're done. -I'm attacking. It's not like I'm here or over here or over here. Just consider that. He's got a shield now, okay? Well... -Hey, Edward. -What's your move? Come on. He's gonna use shortsword. He's gonna use it on Shane. Okay, good. One D six. Okay, so... If you get cut... What's the joke?

Let us in on it. I'm sorry. He said... Oh, I thought he said, "I hope you get cut." -Oh. -Either way. Twenty versus your AC. -Plus two. -Minus two on that. Or plus two on his AC. I thought that was negative damage. -I'm sorry. Yeah, you're right. -Okay. Looking ahead. So that hits your AC, obviously. So that's a one D six plus ten damage. Well, one D six plus eight, I guess, now. Nine damage. -Okay, that was a power flick. -That was. Let me save this recording as a just-in-case. -Just-in-case. -Yeah. Okay. And it's... -Tyler's turn. -Alright. Alright. I... I'm off the chain.

Let's see. Well, let's just try to beef him here. -Alright. -Swing away. Shit. Twelve. That's a miss. See you guys next turn. -Did you use an action? Yeah, you did. -Yeah, I did. Yeah, you did. Shane, your turn. I'm going to run because people don't need me. No, I'm gonna... Can I do probing strike? I don't think I've ever done it. -Sure. -So that's D 20 plus eight. This is the move that kills him. Never done this before. -Twenty-one. -Twenty-one to hit. -Yeah? -Yep. Twenty-one to hit. And now I just do one D six plus five. Yep. Also, you get a plus one power bonus to your next attack roll against the target before the end of your next turn.

So if you attack him next turn, you'll get a plus one for your attack roll. -Eight. -Eight damage. Yeah, he's looking wobbly. -How in your face? -Vamp-low. -Vamp-low. -Alright. -Is that Rob Lowe the vampire? -Vamp-low. It is literally the strongest vampire. -Double A. -Double A, your turn. Okay. Dynamic assault again, I guess. That one lands. That works for me. -Hey, man. -And it's an 18. -Okay. -Wait. -Combat advantage. -You have combat advantage. You can use heroic effort and give yourself a plus four bonus. -Yeah, I'll hit him. -So what do I gotta do to use that? -Just say you wanna use it.

-Okay, use it. It's like a genie. Just say you wanna use it. You have to put your hands in the air first, though. And proclaim it loudly. So that's one D four plus five. Okay, hold on. Alright. -One D four, you said? -Yep. Plus five. -Six. -Working on this son of a bitch for an hour now. It's that recharge thing he had that's nasty. It took away like 30 minutes of us damaging him. Does that kill him? Well, then again, him taking over my body also took away... -That did it. -Three times, two times? -Does it kill him? -It does not kill him. He is still wobbly. Justin, your turn.

Alright, I'm gonna use just magic missile. Seven. Next person turn, let's... You're not putting a lot of effort into your turn. -Seriously. -I am starving right now. Oh, okay. Let's bitch at Justin. I could do a magic missile. This character blows hard and I'm using Robit next turn. I have a feeling this guy's gonna be found at the bottom of a fairly dug ditch. Jeremy, your turn. -Shreyas. -Thirteen. -For what? What was happening? -Blessings of battle. Oh, okay. -You're okay. And it's his turn. -Blessings of Scrabble. Blessings of Scrabble. He's gonna do another short sword attack against Shane.

Okay, here. What, does he love me? -That's why he's stabbing you, yes. -He has a multiple pay. Watch him in the face. Plus 11... -27. -He's a douchebag. He's gonna fucking die right in front of us. Plus 10. Oh, wait. You used... Well, this is kind of stupid now, but you used Blessings of Battle. Who did you want to give the damage resistance to? -Shane. -Okay. -So that's... -It's a bot. A 14 damage to Shane. -Shane is down. -Okay. So Shane is unconscious. -We'll take care of that one. -Can I intimidate him back up? I'll fucking kill you if you don't stop being dead. He had a pawn on his chest and just came in his rib cage.

-Maybe that'll start his heart up. -Tyler, it is your turn. Come on, baby. I know. Give me just one second here. We all know. You know what you're gonna do. -We know what you're gonna do. -I know. I was... -I was doing something on my phone. -I'm trying to make sure I have everything set up for when I go to work. -We'll be done soon, I'm sure. -That's how serious it is. I still got another hour and a half before I get ready. Let's see. D20+9. -God, sir. -Critical miss, ladies and gentlemen. -Critical miss. -Wah-wah. -Fucking bitch. -Goodnight, everybody. -Hey, that vampire.

-You know, actually, I think... Hold on a second. I have something for that. -Oh, yay. -A trophy. Another power of his. No, no, no, no, nothing like that. It's not really... He gains plus 50 health points. It's an out goal. Ben. I was expecting the Price is Right horn. -No. -Our hero folks. It's Double A's turn again. Atticle. -All right. -It's knocked down. Let's finish this. Let's see, I want to use... What the hell is this Wild Shape thing? That's the changing into a different... Basically, you're already an animal. So you're an animal inside. So... You hear me? You can try Pounce again, if you'd like.

Okay, we'll go with Pounce again. What the hell? All right. P-p-p-p-pounce. Come on, Double A. -There. -Yeah, 24 will hit. -Reylon to Serengeti. -Did it. I got it. -All right, so now what? -1d8 plus 5. This is how much damage you're gonna do to him. 1d8 plus 5. -Oh. -12. That's 12 damage. -Zubat. -Is he dead? He just dropped down to 1d. -Ah! -Check. -Bow down, you did. -And he's pronouncing his love to Shane. -Also... -I'm dead. You can give combat advantage to anyone around you. -Even me? -Well, you're dead. -You're dead now. -Yeah, you're just... [LAUGHS] -Dead. -So what that...

Oh, by the way, Shane... I accidentally skipped over your turn. We'll take care of that in just a second. -I skipped it because I was dead. -No. You get to throw a saving throw. So if you want, you can give combat advantage to Justin. Everyone around you already has it. -Because you're flanking him. -Give it to Justin. He gets a +2 to his attack roll. Which you won't use. -Oh, shut up. -Shit, you're dead. Shane, roll a d20. -Just a normal d20? -Yes. -Five. That's one strike. Two more and you're dead forever. -Cool. -I hope you die. Justin, your turn. I'm gonna use magic fuck it who cares.

Eleven. [LAUGHS] -Magic fuck it who cares? -You have another attack? -You were hitting him earlier, correct? -Yeah. -Not yet. -He's gonna move. All I have is magic missile that's a... I have freezing bursts if I want to hit everybody I ever loved. [SNIFFS] I would actually catch him. But I can't do that because I would hit him and then a burst damage for everybody else. What about hypnotism? Hypnotism. Hypnotize him to jump into the lava. If I do that, then he would slide. -Right. -Which means you said that before. If you do that, then he gets to strike somebody.

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not that. That's... OK. If you do that, he's gonna slide. That's just a reaction to the move. He doesn't get to hit anybody. You said that if you do that, then he gets to swing at somebody when he moves past. No, you were trying to do it for something else earlier. That wasn't him. How's it going, Toro? You OK over there? [LAUGHS] OK, up to you. Whatever. You already made an attack. -That's a scout. -Dreas, Jeremy. -Blessings of battle. -Blessings of battle. -Twenty-two. -Twenty-two. It's a hit. Thank God. Why can't people go that fast? [LAUGHS] Like an animal inside.

Hear me? -Mm-hmm. -Eight damage. Eight damage. -And who's getting the buff? -Thoral. Thoral. OK. Plus two to damage resistance. All right. Vampire Lord's turn. He's gonna hit me. -You're dead. -Grab his hair. -He doesn't care. -He's gonna take a stab at the person who's trying to heal everybody. Stupid vampire. -That would be AA. -[LAUGHS] He's gonna use shortsword attack versus... Jeremy? Yes. -Oh, 31. -Oh, that's a crit. -Wow. -You're fucked. -Sixteen damage. -OK. He can take it. He's pretty armored. -Heavy armor. -Glad you guys are level twos. -I'll say that. -I should have been a robo.

But rather than this retarded mage, I should be dead. -[LAUGHS] -Jump into the lava. He seemed really powerful. As soul makers, I would have to move all the way around a J, all the way around AA, and then jump into the fucking flaming... -...pile of fire. -Tyler. All right. Let's get this shit done. He is down to one knee looking up at you. Right here, right now. D20+9. -Hit it! 22! -22! -That's a hit. -You know what? I'm gonna make sure that this is done right here. I'm gonna use my encounter power, power strike, hit an enemy, I get an extra die roll with that.

So it'll be 2D10+8. Goddamn. -Oh, yeah. -Goddamn. Let's see. 2D10+8. -15. -15, you bury your axe in his chest. He's just limp against it right now. He's just limp against the axe. Do you wanna make the extra attack? -Is he already dead, or...? -I mean, he's just limp. He's dead. -Um... -Chop his head off. -Sure, why not? -Okay. -D20+9. -22! -That's a hit. -He's not coming back. -He's gone. He's undead. -Head off. -This is head off. -D6+8. -14! -14, you whip around with the other axe. -Cut his fucking head off. He's dead. -Shit. I roll a D20 to spit in his face. Seven, you spit on your shoe.

But the rest of it was really cool-looking. He's tired, folks. It's okay. Is there a way I can just ship the money off to the robot when we do all this stuff? You can't have Dustin jump into the lava right now. If you want that to be canon where he just jumps off a cliff... -I think this is great. -He just said, "This is enough. I can't deal with this anymore." Have him go into the lava and then do the Terminator thing where he does this thing. -Goodbye. -What's up? Ladies and gentlemen, that's gonna be it for tonight. You're gonna go back to town and collect your winnings.

We'll do that another time. -It's... -I won't. Well, assuming that they throw some smelling salts at you and wake your ass up. -I dragged that there. -I'm pretty sure I can. -You roll with me like... -We just take all four of us and we just toss Shane back over the crevice. We could reroll him to be like... If he wants to be a ranger, he seems better suited for that. Yeah. We really do need a ranger or something. I didn't know you were gonna make so many ranged attacks. -You could just make a ranger. -Yes. -You could find a ranger who could... -I don't know. That's kind of what...

I know this is gonna be our last game with Andrew. He was bored out of his mind. I'm still... I think I'm still looking at a piece of graft paper. Yes, I mean, we're just talking right now. This is imagination. This is... But, yeah, so we're... Yes, we're wrapping it up for the night. -Okay. -All right. Well, thanks for everyone for chilling out and hanging out for a while. And we'll see what happens to these characters next time. -Okay. -They're all dead. -Bye. -Bye. Bye forever. Bye forever for now. Don't move, man. Don't question the whole... Shane literally left.

Did he? Yeah, Jay and Double-A are gone now. Man, I got fucked up. Yes, you did. So much gone get the buck with. I got fucked with. I think my character should run over to those Fountains of Blood and just start drinking, like, unresponsibly. Like, just like trying to put as much as he can. 'Cause I can't stand this... ...fucking fruit bed of a mage. Presumed dead? Can we see what was in those other rooms? -No. -No, we're gonna do that next time. Yeah, I'm just gonna wrap that up. Well, folks, I hope you enjoyed this episode. Our friend Dan was sick at the time and he was in the hospital.

He got better, though. He's doing a lot better now. What this kind of allowed us to do was keep the story going and kind of get new episodes out to people at the time. And just allowed us to sit and play. This... Two things. One, I mentioned earlier that we lost a chunk of audio. That's the only time that's ever happened. So you don't have to worry about getting into a story and then us dropping three hours of audio. That's never happened again because I always triple-check everything and double record. So that has not happened again. Also, to date, that's the last sit-down that Shane and Andrew have played.

So basically what we do is get back to the core story in the next episode and we can start picking things up. Maybe vampirism is involved in later stories. We don't know. So tune in next time and see what happens to the gang as they reconnect outside of Overdo.