Paint it Black

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[CLATTERING] [GLASS SHATTERING] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time. But you only got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon-- Everybody in New England is after us. --and Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go. What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+.

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday only on Peacock. Did you know that yearly Medicaid renewals will start again soon? This means millions of people who were enrolled in Medicaid during the pandemic may no longer be eligible for coverage. If this may impact you, the good news is you have options.

Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield can help answer your questions so you can find an affordable health plan for you and your family. We want you to feel confident you're covered. Click to learn more. Policy exclusions and limitations apply. Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield is the trade name of Blue Cross Blue Shield Health Care Plan of Georgia, Inc. Hey, folks. Thanks for listening. Make sure and give us an email. Let us know what you think of the show at dnrpodcast@gmail.com. Make sure and rate us on iTunes, all that good stuff. Again, the podcast is going to be going up about every two weeks from now on.

We're going to keep trying to bang this out two, three weeks so that we won't have any big two or three month lag times. So again, let us know what you think and enjoy the show. Hello? Yep. Hello? OK. OK. OK. Sounds good so far. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. You fucked it up, Dan. Yeah. Hello. That's what checkers do best. All right. How-- will we get ready to do this now? We good? Yeah. For the last 40 minutes. All right. For Christ and glory. I don't know if it's quite that important, but-- For the night's watch, can we get a fucking move on? OK. Let me do a recap of what happened this last time, considering the episode isn't quite posted yet.

The Black Hand, which is basically the leader of organized crime in Overdale, tasked you guys with heading into a cave and retrieving some spores, along with anything else that you see there from the previous group he sent in, which never came back. You guys arrived at the cave, promptly got into a fight, found a stack of what looked like rare gems, crystals, across a vast expanse covered in a rickety bridge. What happened afterwards was that you guys basically decided, as a group, that it would be a good idea to send the dwarf, being as how he was the lightest.

So Duncan made his way partway across the bridge, and then promptly fell through. You guys caught him using the rope you tied to him from your adventuring kits, pulled him back up. Instead of coming back across the bridge, though, Duncan decided to go forward more, and then fell straight through the next plant. You guys lost your grip. And depending on who you ask-- [LAUGHTER] The stories vary from person to person. But as Duncan plummeted to his imminent demise, he turned and cursed all of you, particularly Malkus. Little fingers everywhere. For some reason, he had the wherewithal even plummeting to his own death.

To make sure-- Malkus who retained a stoic silence while he fell while the rest of the party laughed, I might add. Malkus who was respectful in the face of a tragedy. You get what you get. [LAUGHTER] He's the one that kept continuing on. He's like, hey, we should pull back. No. [EXPLOSION] Ah. [LAUGHTER] So that pretty much opens us up. Today is a sad day, gentlemen. You guys decided that it would be in your best interest to head back to town and regroup. And you have arrived back at your house, your home base, one party member lighter. And I leave the floor to you guys.

I got a question. Who's in charge of the town? Well, the priest you guys had talked to that day is pretty much the de facto leader right now. But there's no real-- they have yet to elect someone in his stead, like in Lucius's stead. So after he died, it's kind of leaderless right now. I got a question for the group. Why is it-- like, the last leader that we had was that fat dude who had a heart attack that they're getting yelled at. Why is it that we allow these people to have leaders like that, where they actually don't do anything but boss other people around, just throw copper at them and solve problems that way?

Like, we're going out. We're losing people right and left. Like, almost every time we go out now, we lose somebody. And we still allow leaders like that. I'm down with staging coups. That's cool. I don't think the current leader is that way, though, right? You're not even here. [LAUGHTER] Torb spoke up, and he hasn't existed yet. He's a horse. He's everywhere. [LAUGHTER] No, he's a natural. OK, OK, everybody's involved. I truly believe that it's bullshit that a priest or a fat man should just-- because all they do is just throw copper at them. They can't actually do anything.

If people around them were in jeopardy, they can't raise a sword and just charge right in and cut somebody down. Wait, wait, wait. I want to clarify something. Is this Jarek right now staging a coup on-- No, I'm just talking to everybody as defenders of this town countless times. OK, so I shouldn't speak up, and Tom, we should shut up. So we will monitor. If I can remind you of the brief history of Overdale since you've arrived. They had a captain of the guard whose hand got cut off competing with you guys in the Tournament of Champions. Not against us.

He was competing. We're not the most popular people. Well, he had-- he was kind of-- not humiliated, but he definitely took down a peg or two since you guys have been here, and he disappeared after the Tournament of Champions, after basically being revealed as a coward and-- He's staging something. He has not been seen since. He's staging something. He has not been seen since, so therefore, no harm. He's staging something. And I'm sure he'll never be seen again. Never be seen again. No, Lucius, whom you guys remember as being the really fat mayor that Malkus kind of mixed it up with a little bit, even though he was pretty calmly-- he was even-tempered.

Like, it wasn't-- he just kept screaming. Yeah, he kept raising the volume and such. Until his heart popped like a water balloon, and he fell down in front of Malkus in a crowded bank-- Look, we all have regrets, OK? I'm late for my death. [LAUGHTER] So that's pretty much a brief history of things since you've gotten here. I will say that organized crime seems to have taken root a little more since you guys have arrived. You guys have pretty much been influencing more outside affairs of town, like bandit camps and the Elvish forest stuff you guys did, Finding the Empire.

So there's evil coming into town, or is that kind of like, oh, this isn't a place for me right now? No, basically what it is is whatever criminal activity that existed in town with no captain of the guard to patrol and things like that, there's just-- there's watchmen and stuff. But I mean, it's not the same as a police force for town. So there's no real-- You guys take care of outside danger for the most part. I'm just saying, like, if there-- like, for the group, like, if there was some-- like, if there was a group of five saying, this is how we should have our patrols, this is how we should do things, a priest isn't going to know what to do.

And a fat man who just eats all day and eats profit and eats things that, like, the poor people can have, he's not going to know what to do either. Tyler? He's dead. OK, I just-- Thorold decides not to care and goes to put that black streak in his hair that he was talking about. You guys, it's still the middle of the night. It did not take you guys too terribly long. Is everybody here? Because I don't hear Rob. Oh, I was-- I've just been listening. I'm-- I'm listening. We're listening. --narrating. I'm just saying, like, you know, if you want to raise your voice, because technically you're in the room with us.

I'm waiting for Jason to finish explaining what's going on. Basically, it's the middle of the night. You guys have just arrived back in town, and the mood is obviously glum. I don't know what you guys would like to do as far as, you know-- there's no body to deal with, obviously, with Duncan. But I mean, you guys got to seriously think about what you'd like to do, how you'd like to go forward. And Jarek's proposing just, like, staging a coup? Not saying staging a coup. You're listening to Tyler too much, and that's a bad thing. [LAUGHTER] What I'm saying is that I'm kind of fed up with going out, coming back short-handed, losing people to people who have no idea what they're doing.

Like, we could easily, like, put people-- like, take maybe even some of our funds and put it into a good, like, guard duty or something like that, some skilled guards or at least semi-basically trained. So you're saying we take up the cause of, like-- --like, we're saying we take up the cause of, like, enhancing the city? Being the mayors. So you are talking about staging a coup. I'm saying ask the people. All right, look, we put it on-- If we ask the people and we see what they think, like, then-- I mean, like-- because right now, we're the guardians of the place.

I mean, we came in guns blazing clean the place up. The more-- So we can, like, put away the minis and run a medieval fantasy election campaign? I'm just saying, like-- Sounds silly when you say it, Rob. Yeah, because you're jumping-- you're making it a little more full. Disembodied voice is entering. And I would like to say, I think what he's stating is that you do something in the sense of maybe stand up in front of the entire town and plead your case as to why they should follow you, as opposed to not doing anything violent. I like how, like, I'm saying, like, we-- I mean, like, we're losing people right and left.

We're the only ones that's actually making a difference in the place. So why don't we go talk to the people? So what you mean is kill everybody, right? He didn't say kill. He never said kill. You're talking about staging a coup. And, like, no, I'm not saying, like-- You are talking about seizing power, though. I'm talking about-- yeah, yeah. Well, Justin, it is a bit of a coup. Let's-- it is a coup. Yeah, I know, but it jumped right to-- there's no law in the town. I think the thing is, we know you, and we kind of know how your mind works. Do we really want to be tied down with a political career, taking over the city?

I'm talking about putting people in charge that we can trust. OK, installing a puppet government after our coup. [LAUGHTER] This episode of "Justin and the Miss." I enjoyed-- I'm sorry. OK, I will stop being a stupid troll. OK. I enjoy how Dan, his character, is no more. And your friend died in this. The last episode of Wrestling-- whatever, randomness. Your character died after a long fall. And now we're going right back to, like, well, business as usual. I don't think anyone-- you just kind of walked into the room. So essentially, what I'm hearing is you guys have trudged back into the house.

The door's still wide open. You guys-- people have kind of-- Malkus flops down into a chair and just thinking. I imagine Jarek just tossing something across the room and screaming this at us, like, yeah. God dammit. Shit needs to change. Jarek's like, I'm tired of this bullshit. We're losing people right and left. And this motherfucker's up on his high horse. We need to get the people in town behind us. Like, that's where Jarek is right now. Yeah. Thor was pretty much not fucking caring about anything, as Thor is. Makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. And Malkus is thinking-- But Malkus is in a place right now, too.

So-- Is what? I said Malkus is in a bit of a dark place right now, too. We have to remember that. Yes. Look, Dan, I will satisfy you with a grieving scene for Duncan at some point, all right? Touching song or something. Yeah, yeah. I've got it all planned out. It's all about timing. Probably play a song like "Shot Down in a Blaze of Glory" or something like that. Only the good die young. So as Justin is-- as Jarek is making this impassioned speech to the group, Thor-- We have characters. I'm sorry. Thor is just kind of hanging out on the staircase, just kind of hanging out, just looking at you.

Dyeing my hair. Yeah, just sitting there. And Malkus is kind of flopped into one of the chairs, just listening. And all of a sudden, the light of the moon is completely eclipsed behind you as a huge figure kind of takes up space in the doorway. And you turn to see it, and it is a-- what was he? 7 feet, 11 inches tall. A minotaur. OK, do we have any context for a sophisticated minotaur? Or is our grounding here that he's a monster? I mean, I would say that your knee jerk reaction is, holy shit, what is that? Because I mean, it's not like you got minotaurs walking around town.

I mean, a tiefling is setting these people on edge. So I would say a minotaur is like, wow, OK. Maybe he was protecting the shit over at that cave or something we can be thinking or something like that. But that is the first thing, like, you turn around and just kind of see that. Like, he has to duck to enter the room. Wait, your character's 40 years old? Who, me? Yeah. Yeah. That's it, really? He explains it, and it's like-- OK, OK, OK. All right. I'll explain it. You can ask me later. I'll explain it. He married young. Teenage pregnancies, man. What would you guys like to do?

Malchus hops behind his chair and takes cover and points his magic rod at them. Thor already is his claws. That would pretty much introduce Tom. Hey. Tom's patented catchphrase, hey. Behind the minotaur, as he walks into the room-- and you can hear every-- I mean, just him walking on the wood floor, it's just thunderous almost. I mean, the chairs kind of rattle. I mean, he's just dense, just huge. He has to kind of duck down so he doesn't hit his head on the doorway as he's coming through it. And behind him is what appears to be a middle-aged man. [LAUGHTER] Decked out in armor and then robes on top of that.

So he's just got this robe, and you can just see where the armor is piercing through the-- No, I mean, it's mostly scale armor. And then on top of that is-- Yeah. Nothingness. Yes. Anyone? What the hell, bro? British weapons and say, like, what are you? Yeah, I would imagine there'd be weapons brandished. You just walk in. Yeah, because we just stumbled in. There's no need to draw your weapons. There's no need to be alarmed. I'm assuming that you're the group that was traveling with my son Duncan. How is that-- we just got back. That's a pretty bold question to make.

When you say that, Malkus just goes over and gets a bottle of the hardest liquor in the building and just hops the top. That's a pretty bold assumption to make. Well, I can understand that. Hey, fucking Thorol, shut up, OK? We are the new element in town, so-- Yes. No, no, no, no, no. Listen. I was sent word that this is where you were staying. OK. By the mayor, the priest. And I am here to collect my son's remains. He was not elected, and there's a problem with that. Explain the problem. I was told that my stepson had deceased, and I'm here to-- we wish to give him a proper burial.

How many remains are you willing to take with you? OK, awesome. [LAUGHTER] OK, no one else said anything. Well, I-- You jumped ahead of the crowd. Hugga-lugga-hugga-lugga, how many were there? This isn't going to work if there's going to be giggling the whole time. That's the-- Yeah, I know. I know. Well, during our last exposition, he fell through a great wooden bridge, I guess. Mm-hmm. And you were not able to retrieve his remains? No. Did you try? I imagine this minutes were just with that voice. That's awesome. Thank you. Let me-- I'm sorry. I was in a rush.

I was here for a specific reason, but now it seems like I can't fulfill that reason. So let me explain. My name is Rod Swell. I am, in fact, a stepfather. On my journey here, I met Ian Ward here, and he accompanied me. And I am pretty disheartened to hear that I am not going to be able to give my son a proper burial. Stepson. I called my son. We were close. I apologize. Whatever you are over there-- [LAUGHTER] You ungodly beast. I apologize. Haters going to hate. Now I'm also Ein, the fucking devil creature. [LAUGHTER] I am surprised to see that my stepson had caught up with such a ragtag group of ne'er-do-wells.

But if this is the way it must be, do you have anything of his? Perhaps you should just speak to Malchus. He was his best friend. Malchus is just lining up the shot glasses and filling them up. Facts. OK. That was a bad idea. That creature was my son's best friend? Well, I mean, when you go out-- Oh, Malchus. Now Malchus just, like, stares him down. Yeah, yeah. [LAUGHTER] My son was raised God-fearing. I don't know how I feel about this. What is your name? Creature. [LAUGHTER] Oh, man. What do I-- I don't even know what to say yet. Hold on. Seems we're starting off on not the best possible foot.

So I'll excuse your bigotry. [LAUGHTER] I'm called Malchus. I apologize. If my son saw fit to befriend you, then I assume that you don't have any bad intentions. And I will take your word. Who is responsible for my son's death? Depends who you ask. [LAUGHTER] If I asked my son who is responsible for his death, what would be the answer? Malchus just grabs a shot and drinks and doesn't reply. Perhaps I shall ask the large piece of metal. Oh, right, bigotry. [LAUGHTER] What was that? What is your name, sir? Jergeirnheide. And we were all in charge of holding that rope that-- that sounds bad when you say it that way.

We were all in charge of holding that rope that we all failed to wrap tightly around something rather than just our arms. I am not here to pass blame. My son was foolhardy. And I know that he didn't put much thought into things. And I'm assuming that that was the cause of it. OK, at that point, Malchus grabs one of the full shot glasses and walks over to Rodswell and hands it to him. Your son was ambitious. Don't confuse those two. And then Malchus walks out the door and says, I have a memorial to build. I take the shot glass and I set it on the table. And I say, I appreciate it, but I am not much of a drinker.

But I feel the need to continue my son's quest, whatever that may have been. Do you need assistance? Just then, allow me to step in. Who are you? [LAUGHTER] Why are you naked? I'll explain. No. Some figures pour into the door. OK. If Malchus was stepping out the door when this happened, what did Malchus see or what ran into Malchus? It's probably right before you actually had the ability to go. Well, no, he left. He is right outside. So he's walking. And these guys kind of pour in from here and just walk in. So you are behind them. I imagine it's one of those things where he walks out, but he kind of feels something behind him and notices them sort of run in.

Yeah, they just walked right in. Like, there was nothing. And there was four of them. Yeah. I imagine he is aware of people being in the house. Yeah. One of the men speaks up and says, you! And he's pointing at Ironhide. Were you able to retrieve the spores for the Black Hand? Oh, damn, I don't think we did. You didn't get close. All right, that's right, because we had a detour, which one of our friends died. No, no, we did. One of the scouts following you guys told the Black Hand that you lost the team member and abandoned the quest before you gave him the goods.

That's more important than the goods. Does Malchus hear this? Yes, you're right within earshot. Before you can get too far, this happens. I step in. Rodswell. The man that was lost was, in fact, my stepson. And I demand that you show the respect to the dead. Now, my associate over here, Yynward, he has nothing to do with this. And I would appreciate it if you let him have the option of stepping out while we take care of these matters. The man closest-- the thug closest to the Minotaur just kind of notices him. This is the first time. They charge in looking for Ironhide, basically, because that's kind of the guy that stands out in your group beyond the vampire.

And hovering to the left is an 11-foot fucking Minotaur, basically, an 8-foot Minotaur. And he looks up and is like, oh, shit, that's new? They didn't expect that. The scout didn't tell him anything about a Minotaur. These guys are here to rough you up, basically. It doesn't much matter who died. You didn't complete the contract. Once again, I would appreciate it if you allowed him to leave, if he chose to. Yynward, would you like to exit? I'm good. OK. [LAUGHTER] Well, at this point, sirs, I believe, either you can step out and let us continue our business, or we can try to settle this in a different way.

Hold on. Hold on. Malchus is sauntering up behind. So let me get this straight. We lose a team member. We come back here to regroup so that we can go back and continue working for your Black Hand. But you're here to beat us up to slow the process down? Oh, the Black Hand already lost that contract. It was very time sensitive. He don't appreciate being disappointed. Well, if you come here to cause trouble for us, not only is that contract thoroughly terminated, as you've said, but we're going to have to terminate you. Everyone roll initiative. OK. Tom, there's a dice roller down in the bottom right hand corner.

Let's see. You may have to maximize it. It may be minimized. But it'll say dice roller. You know, Malchus said something more menacing than that. That's what it means to shit. Wait, wait. Another thing. Rewind. OK. I have a question. Sure. Is this like, Mabthang's supposed to say loading on it? No. OK, it says loading on it. Well, that's not good. Yeah. So you have any of this. Oh, you don't-- OK, so you don't see anything. No. OK. Try closing it out and opening it back up. See what happens. OK. Yeah, it might be. Because Jason did reuse-- redid the characters and stuff, so.

Oof, Rob. Yeah. That's a real great place to be standing to roll that on initiative, isn't it? Full. Help me up. That's your move, actually, just to be able to get back up? That's your move. Help me up. Oh. Plus two on initiative, you are insane. Malchus yells to Jarek, I'm really starting to get behind that coo. Saying this Blackhand BS wouldn't happen if we just rise up to power. Rise up to-- Amen. You may have to fight a town if that-- I'm not saying fight the town. I'm just saying fight the Blackhand. If we get rid of them, obviously, we proved ourself more than once.

So you're going to stage a coup. I don't know. You got any better ideas? Just let business go on, Blackhands around. Burn down the whole city. I see that is jumping from one extreme to the other. I don't know, what do you guys think about it? The way things are right now is just kind of like, I guess I'm in charge. I think it's something to consider. At least I think we should confront the mayor. What mayor? The mayor. There is a mayor. There's a stand. There's a de facto. Is a de facto, a stand-in, a temporary? A guy that just said, I guess I'm in charge, just because the people look at him.

Well, no, I asked this before. That was what the government put in place, correct? The highest religious leader is the one that becomes in charge of the town and had something. He was basically the next in line. I mean, there wasn't really-- Doesn't mean he's the proper man for the job. I understand, but it's not like he stood up and said, I'm in charge now. There was a line. No, he doesn't have to. It's already said that the one who washes the bigger god's dick, he's right there. He's with power now. I just-- yeah. Remember, he wasn't the one that sent us on this last quest.

It was the Black Hand. No, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying that the town is really getting messed up. It's really getting its ribs socked in because of the crime and shit like that. So I guess my-- If I may clarify. Yeah. You guys took a contract from a known criminal. It went badly, and now you're mad at crime. All right. I think-- oh, sorry. Go ahead, Jason. I'm sorry. No, I'm done. I was-- I think we could go in this direction. But I think before we just stand in front of the town and be like, fuck the leadership, I think we should address it with him.

I never said fuck the leadership. I said, let's talk to the people about this. But I'm saying, I think we need to address him first and tell him, look, we don't think you're doing a good job. And unless something changes-- because he might just say, there's a possibility he'll go, OK, fine. You know what? You're right. I don't even want this. All right, right on. You know what I'm saying? So let's talk to him first. We also lost some other people. I look at it like we lost Tyler because, let's face it, he's not the same. Because of the vampire mission that we were on.

And we lost-- The mission-- Trey, basically. We lost Treyus because of his-- Of the vampires. Alcoholism. Alcoholism combined with his loathing-- The vampires drove him to be alcoholic. He is his loathing of vampirism, apparently. No, I thought his thing was we lost basically because of his distaste for how the tournament went. Yeah. Well, that was a portion of it. In which he fell off the wagon and turned back to alcoholism, which he had originally beaten once. Turned back to the spirits. We already have one alcoholic. Do we really need to write another alcoholic backstory into somebody?

Do we have an alcoholic? But this is the original alcoholic story. It's canon. Oh, OK. I thought Malkus was the original alcoholic story. No, no. He's just drinking because he wants to forget. None the pain. Oh, OK. He was so jolly. Except when he fell. Sometimes when I'm between sleeping and waking, I feel like his beard is tickling my cheek. What was going on in this house? So how many people are supposed to be in this thing? Something completely different. There's you, then Malkus is standing next to you, then Ironhide, Thoril's on the steps. Someone moved Rodswell.

And then there's four bandits in front of you, four thugs. OK, I see a blue hand moving around. Oh, you're good. You see. I see some things. I see-- Is it loading still? I see the robot, the Malkus, four streetwise thugs, and Rodswell. And half of a room. OK. Half a room's good enough. I'll work with him. Is it still saying loading? Yeah. I'm trying to look behind it because that won't go away. Well, we can make it work. We can make this work. Yeah, we can make it work for now. And then I've got to petition into the thing, and I'm going to find out what the hell is wrong.

OK, as long as you can see the representation stuff, it's not even a very visual thing. It's just to see where-- I can't see my character. Does that matter? Your character doesn't have a-- he's standing right next to Malkus, but yeah. So that's what we'll do. We will use the arrow. We will use the hand to show where you are, and then you can tell us where to move based on that. OK. That'll work. That'll work. OK. That'll work. So now you need to roll a d20 for initiative. OK. And actually, what's his initiative modifier? It's already-- yeah, it's already taken care of.

Oh, OK. So whatever it is-- plus 2. Plus 2. Yeah, d20, and then bonus 2. Yeah. There you go. My god, Thorl's initiative is plus 10? Yep. Yowza. Vampires are stealthy and fast and brooding. Mopey. OK. So let's run-- I got lost in a sea of stuff here. Yes. 2. Malkus is 2. Woo. Jesus Christmas. Cheese and crackers. OK. Streetwise Thug number 1 is going first. He is going to race halfway up the steps-- Just sucker punch him. --and use his longsword. That's a d20 plus 14. [SIGH] I'm out of water. Bam. 27 will hit you, obviously. Yeah. So that's 6 damage. And let's see. Who is next?

Thorl, your turn. [LAUGHS] All right. Well-- So he has raced up the stairs, and he's slashed you with his longsword. I'm going to slam him right onto these steps. Vampire slam. Is that a move? Yes. Vampire slam is a thing. I'm not sure. You missed with your slam, yes. That's versus AC, right? Yes. OK, yeah, that misses. Versus reflex. Oh, versus reflex? Still misses. Yeah. Did you want to shift or anything? No, I'm fine. OK. Jarek, your turn. All right, I'm going to move up right here. Shit. I'm going to use flame cyclone, which is a close burst of 3. And it hits each creature in the blast.

It targets their reflex? Yes, reflex. OK. And so here we go. 20. OK, now wait. Burst or blast? Which one is the one that comes from a corner? Blast. Blast. Blast. OK. It hits everything, unless that little-- this right here, this partition right here doesn't hit him. Wait a second. No, this is a blast, not a burst. I said blast. Right, so that's going to go out from an angle. It doesn't necessarily need to be like a corner of the blast is touching a corner of his space. Right. But he still has to pick a direction for it. Oh, OK, then I'm going to aim it towards number 4.

Does that hit these three or no? How big is the blast? Three. Three. Three? Yeah. And you're standing on the stairs, right? No, I'm standing right here on the robot. Oh, OK. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, that should be legit. The area will look like that. Oh, OK. Yeah, then we blow out the porch and-- Yeah. Just all of a sudden-- We're going to hit all three if that's what you're trying to do. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so OK, yeah, I got you. I got you. Also, how do I clear that? Do what? How do you clear that area of effect mode? So-- Oh, shit. I'm sorry. Well, that made it worse. Just put another layer on it.

I'm going to roll because I already fucked up enough things. You did roll. That's 20. But you have to roll for each one. So that was number 2. Now go for 3, 4, and down the line. 12. OK, that's going to miss that one. 10. 10, OK. The one standing right in front of you is just burned alive. Like, he's gone. Oh, OK. I don't even have to roll damage. No, he's dead. The other two are very much alive. And man, that's annoying me now. We got to get rid of that. All right, and I'm also going to use a Geass of Assault on number 4. This one. That is number 4. OK, hold on a second.

Damn. I'm looking for a way to clear it. Me too. I know there's a way. And if you just drew another-- I tried it. Wait, wait. Who did that? I did. Who did the green one? Me. Right click on it. Delete AOE. Wait, right click on it? Yes. Oh, cool. Got it. It's going. Hold on. OK, and then there's a yellow one from Jason there still. God damn it, Jason. What? OK. Delete AOE. Delete that one too. Delete AOE. I did it. And there's one Malkus is standing on, but I'll get that later. Sorry. OK. We're figuring it out, guys. Jason's assault on number 4. All righty. Next up is Yennward. Yennward, yeah.

Now, if you want to see what moves you have there, Tom, you can right click on your character there and say View Character Info and go over to Powers. Like, that's all your stuff. You do see that, right? I don't think Tom is here. God damn it. Why is it your default-- I'm sorry. I was muted. I was talking to you. Oh, there you go. Just his default is Ex-aspiration. I just saw he just, like, put down his headset and just started wandering. For some reason, I think the absolute worst out of people. I'm here. You mean just set the headset down and start wandering?

Yes. That sounds familiar. What? You're watching me, aren't you? Like, leave a controller on and then do a show. That was three hours later I start doing that. You gotta believe me. Hello? Yes. OK. I'm there. OK. Then basically pick an attack? I mean, if you want to attack or shift or-- Also, yeah, you can move or whatever, too. Do you want to, like, move here? Sure. OK. That looks like a good place. I'll hit that guy. OK. So you-- There you go. That one right there. OK, number four. Yeah. What do you want to hit him with? I'm looking. I'm trying to read, like, the things behind the loading screen.

It's kind of-- Yeah, I'm sorry. It's cool, man. I think Cleave sounds good. OK, Cleave. I'm getting replies to that thing, so. They said they're looking into it now. Is somebody messing with their mic? That might be me. Let me see if I can put this somewhere that's better. Oh, Cleave. Strength versus AC. OK, roll a d20 plus 12. Jesus. That sounds fun. Oh, wait. Clear. Just one again. You will almost guarantee-- I mean, you-- Roll. Critical miss. Wow. What? Wow. [LAUGHTER] That's-- you know. That sucks. So out of the gate, giant minotaur steps forward. Tyler suck rubbed off on me. [LAUGHTER] Shit.

Rodswell. All right. Going to move over here. I can't not pronounce it Rodswell. I know I'm trying not to, but I can't. I'm going to use Blessings of Battle. OK. It's a d20 plus 12. Oof. Also, if I hit one-- me or one ally within five squares of me, gains resistance to all damage until the end of my next turn. The resistance equals my constitution modifier, which is 2. So here we go. Oh, and I get a plus 2, right? Because I'm flanking? Yes, you do. OK, so that is a d20 plus 14 versus AC. 22. That'll hit. OK, so that is 1d8 plus 6. Clear. 8 plus 6. 12. You skewer him to the back, and he tumbles backwards down the stairs.

OK. So he's dead? Oh, he's dead. OK. And I will put my resistance modifier on Thoril. Yeah, Thoril. No. I said OK. Oh, I thought you said no. I'm like, what? No, you won't know. Don't tell your bitch. Streetwise Thug. Number 4. He's going to go ahead and take a swing back at the Minotaur with his longsword. So that is a d20 plus 14. 32. Jesus Christ. That'll get-- what are you doing? Jeez of a sock. Oh, god, you're right. I forgot all about that. We should melee attack. Well, he does 6 damage to Yennward. It's supposed to scratch. And you can go ahead and make an attack.

A 27. 27 will hit. Does it even matter? Sure. I mean, if I even roll a die. I thought you meant in the grand scheme of things. 15. He is dead. He died in the doorway surrounded by people. One of them being his own guy. Yeah, what? I can't move, General. Ow. So the last thug is just terrified now, because it was supposed to be just-- first of all, there were only supposed to be a few of you. Secondly, they were just supposed to be here roughing you up. And it turns out, not only do you have a goddamn Minotaur, but your war priest there murdered one of his men on the steps.

And he was not expecting that. So he's pretty goddamn scared, which will bring up Thoril. Saunter on over to him. Hey, man. How's it going? Turn into a vampire. Just because this sounds cool and I want to kill someone doing it. Yep, Dark Beckoning. Oh, goddamn it. Yeah, that doesn't hit anything. Is that where it is? Oh, OK. Versus Will, who probably still doesn't-- Nah, not quite. I'm much less embarrassed now. He's got these cool vampire moves, and it's just he's having a terrible dice night again. Today is a day I could have taken a nap. Ironhide. Did I ever get a turn, Jason?

Malchus didn't go. Really? It must have skipped you for some reason. Malchus, go ahead. OK. I want to look at the party real quick and say, do we want to send this guy back to the Black Hand in pants-crapping terror and let him know exactly what's coming to him if he crosses us again? He has information that we have more guys. He'll be prepared for them. Oh, OK. Let's just murder him. Murder him? This is self-defense. Solely it is. I imagine you saying this out loud and the guy just surrounded by all of us, just nodding his head as fast as he can. I like the idea of very casually just talking about eating souls.

So, you know. And then I went, and that's my turn. Wait, you didn't add the flanking modifier. But it's a one. That would not have mattered. I thought it was two. Yeah. I thought it was seven. You would have gotten 14. 14 didn't matter when Tyler did it. The two times I did it. Streetwise Thug is going to take a swing at Malchus. Wait, now it's my turn. No, it isn't. It actually skipped ahead. Oh, it skipped ahead a bunch load, huh? It skipped two people. Yeah, well, something. I don't know. He's taking a swing at Malchus because you're standing in the doorway and he is desperately trying to get out.

And he hits you with a 27. All right. Which will do six damage. Damn. I'll do worse to him. I like how you move, so now I can't do dick. Oh, well, I had to block the door. Okay, well, I guess I couldn't stop him. And now it's Jarek's turn. I'm Metal Man. Okay. I'm just saying, I could have stopped him. Um, hmm. Could I use Dimensional Thunder? No, that's not cool. That's too much. Just go outside for a smoke break. That sounds like overkill on a grand scale. I really like the idea that we're all sitting around and he's like, "I'm going to eat your soul. Aw, I missed.

Damn." And he's like, "Well, I'm going to use Dimensional Thunder." Should I show this part of the building up? It's just like we're fucking with the guy, you know? You guys, watch this. I bet I can skip the torso. Hey, let's skip ahead to the minotaur. Let's let him do something here. He's next. Okay. You want to delay, Justin? Let the minotaur have some fun? Yeah, delay. Okay. And Yennward. Yennward. All right. Let's see here. I don't have a little icon thingy, so I have to search for my thing on the other side. I'll get you. I'm looking at my powers now. What's one that looks really nasty?

Take his hands away. Your red ones are encounters, but you can use one of those because it'll come right back after this. Oh, wow. That's nasty. Do an encounter. Okay. I'll try Goring Charge because gores are cool. Wow, you charged to make the following attack. Well, I mean, you're right next to him, so I don't think you can charge. All right, then I'll try... Let's see. Move him back a step. Don't let him charge. We could. There's no reason why not. He's still got a bomb plan for you, Chuck. Why not? Okay. You charge to make the following attack in place of a melee basic attack.

Strength, Constitution, or Dexterity plus four. Okay, so it's D20 plus 11. Okay. 20. Wait, this is versus... Doesn't matter. It does. AC, I imagine. AC. It's versus AC. Is it AC? Okay, that actually misses. Oh. Where's Minotaur Evermore? Yeah. So, so far, a vampire is charged at him, a warlock has tried to steal his soul, a minotaur has charged him. Eat, eat, eat, eat, not steal. Steal is an ugly word. Eat. Sust. And a minotaur has charged him. He is so fucking terrified right now. I think he's earned it. I think... By the way, it's Jarek's turn. I just want to point that out.

He delayed. It's Jarek's turn. I'll tell you what, I will delay again. Rodswell. It's still a demon in my way. When I get a turn, I'll be happy to oblige. Actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'm staying here just in case you're not here. I'm not here to tell you what I'm doing. When I get a turn, I'll be happy to oblige. Actually, you know what? Fuck it. I'm staying here just in case he wipes the floor with all of you. Just in case. Okay. Seven turns later, everyone's dead except for him. He comes stumbling out. Oh, yeah. Someone shit in my pants. There's still the word someone shit in my pants.

What do I want you ooze? I'll just use my good old blessing to battle. Let's do it. Nothing flashy. D20 plus 12. Roll up. 16. Nope. Good lord. So, man, this guy is...he's got nine lives. Alright. Excuse the street. He is the street's head. Hey, you know what? I'll tell you what, because you guys are really making me look bad. For my turn, I'm going to use a Geass of the Saw and then just... Okay. Malkus, your turn. Alright. After I take this swing, I'm going to step out of the way and just give Jerakin after you, okay? This is over right here, man. You got him. Soul Eater.

Hey, it's him! Critical hit, ladies and gentlemen! Uh, he's deader than anyone has ever died before. You're at him and he just shit out. He died in pants-crapping terror, unmourned and unloved on the bar floor here. Um, um, um, uh, I cut off...is he wearing anything that signifies that he's part of the Black Hand, like a black love or something? No, it's not, it's just, it's more or less just kind of hired hands, like it's not, they're not a cult or... I got an idea. Because I was just going to... Is he a black schooling glove with him? I was going to get something that would identify him that we can send to the Black Hand.

I got an idea. Yes. Why don't we cut off his hands and mail him back? Paint them black. I will remind you, he's right across town. It's not, he's not, there's nothing... No, no, I thought this would be like a message. Yeah. How about, how about we just, how about we cut off all of their hands in lists of hands on their front door? Well, this is taking a dark turn. It is, that's from the priest, ladies and gentlemen. They left rats on our door. Yeah, they left rats on their door. This was your idea, Malchus. I want to put that... Oh, pussy down now, Malchus. You ate his soul, for Christ's sake.

All right, you know what, I'm feeling, I'm feeling vengeful, let's go through with it. Godswell stands up and goes, we need to deliver a message, take off their hands. I don't know who I told that to, but someone, please. Minotaurs can bite their hands. Okay, go for it, you and your... Oh, you have to be a sow. We can always remedy public perception later. This will go a long way to that queue you guys went to stage. This is like... We must stand in the way of a limb eating minotaur. Okay, so you have our nibbles off hands, we have eight hands, I deliver them, goodbye, and I'm back.

Wait. I imagine we would all go over there. You are walking, so what you're doing, what you're telling me that you want to do is... It's night time, right? Yes. Okay. When crime thrives... Like a priest in the night. Yeah. Okay, fine. Okay, okay. I mean, they don't do a lot of their work during the daytime hours is what I'm saying. Yes, but people don't recognize me and I'm a priest. Right, but you're walking down the street with a sack full of hands is what I mean. Yeah, but you can't tell there are hands in the sack. They're painted black. Yeah, you can tell there are...

It looks like I'm just walking around with a sack and I leave it on the doorstep and I walk back, no big deal. And it's a bar, right? So odds are... It's a bar, yes, it's a bar. It's a delivery or something, you know? Okay, okay. And they don't know who I am, I'm new in town. So... I'm just gonna take this around to receiving. You guys want... Can you open up the garage, please? It's a big bag. Okay. Do we need to sign in? Do we need to... So, you have delivered a sack full of human hands to the Black Hand himself. Right. No, just the bar. They'll find it. Kirov Black Hand.

Walla Walla Washington. You guys have murdered everyone, taken their hands, dropped them off out front of the tavern where you know the Black Hand frequency. And just the very mentioning of that is just wow. That is thorough. What would you like to do at this point? Well, it's late. And... We should deliver the severed hands of his lackeys to him and then go directly to sleep. Yes, I was just gonna say. No, let me... I am not one to assume that you will... You know, this is not my character saying that. This is me saying that. This character is not one that would assume that you were just going to let me stay here.

So, I would take my leave at this point. So, I tell... Thank you for your hospitality. It was an honor fighting next to you. I'm glad that we're... Shut up and pull up a carpet square. You're staying. Oh, shucks guys. What about my... Again, Ynward, if you do not feel obliged to accompany me on this journey, you had your own quest, I assume, when we met up. Okay, I'm curious. Why do you keep saying that to him? I tried... On the way here, I tried to inquire as to what Ynward was doing. He was very... He was very like... All he did was be like, "Hey, I'll come with you." So, I'm assuming...

I just constantly assume he has something better to... He's a giant minotaur. He has to be on some kind of something. I don't know why he just is insisting on helping me and protecting me and doing that. I don't have a labyrinth anymore. I need something to do. I just, in my head, picture... He's like, "Are you chilling?" He just wanders around, meets up with people, and kind of just claims, "Yeah, whatever. It's fine." Well, do you guys have use for a priest and a minotaur? No. I won't claim to speak for the entire group, and I look toward Thoril and Jarek.

You could always use the numbers. Yeah, sure, why not. How do you feel about Coons? Sure, why not. Indifferent. I'm indifferent towards Coons. Malchus is just cracking wise, but he makes clear that you're welcome. And I go to Malchus and Jarek, and I want to apologize if I seemed a little short when I first came here. Who lost their son? I lost my son. It was a strange place. There was no body, as I had assumed. And now, because I have to follow my son's quest and honor, I've abandoned the rest of my family. But it's something that I have to do. And I want to apologize.

You all seem like good people, except for the vampire. He's your stepson, not your real son. Hold up, hold up, I got this. Don't worry, Rodswell. You'll warm up to him. He won't warm up to you because he doesn't have a pulse, but you'll warm up to him. I just want to warn you, I have a lot of things that have to do with the sun, so... I really want to know how that works, because that's radiant damage. How does that work with a vampire? Just make sure you don't catch him in any of the bursts or blasts. Oh, this is delightful! That's going to be so interesting.

Man, I can't wait until a battle gets heated and all of a sudden, radiant damage. One of them is a 20 burst or something. The fact that we have to actually go out during the night because of that guy. That guy has steps. You want to go get the crystals? You want me to go dive down a bridge? I glare at Thoril at this point. I don't believe that your mockery is needed right now. I'm mourning the loss of my son. Can you please lay off of it? You're not even calling me a human. I don't see why you're even sitting here thinking that I owe you anything. Sir, I tried to protect you in battle and then you shrugged me off and made a joke about my dead son.

I don't believe I owe you respect at this point. Whatever. The minutes pass as you guys argue into the night. And then you hear glass shatter as a brick collides with your window. Tied to the brick is a note. Malchus will look at it. Okay. I was just wondering if everyone just stares at the brick as it lays there. It's that kind of neighborhood. It's like, "Jesus, another window." It is a letter from the Black Hand. He is greatly displeased. Not only did you disappoint him by failing to deliver what you promised to deliver, you have murdered his associates.

You have failed to die as planned this evening. And he asks that you check your trunk. That's slang. That's slang. Check that shit at the door. Check your trunk. How fucking dare you. Now I just feel dumb. It's a Jersey saying, I guess. It's regional. He's talking about the storage trunk you guys have within your building. The book that you guys have won in the tournament is missing. When you guys left town, the Black Hand had men come take that. The key is on Malchus. If I'm not mistaken. It wasn't on Duncan, which is a good thing. I thought that book was with me.

No. Not the book. No. No, that was placed in storage a while back. You guys just kind of stored that away. Because you can't really keep the book. We never locked that. Because locks are expensive. Well, I mean, you guys are the adventurers in town and everything. No one fucks with your stuff. I mean, crime was never a huge thing for you guys. No one messes with your stuff. But, yeah, that was kind of an insurance policy that he held onto that book. Okay. Well, there was talk about possibly paying the mayor a visit. Would you like to do that? Or do you want to immediately take action here?

He wants... He's pulling a power play right now. He wants us to go see him. So I say we just piss him off a bit more and go to the mayor. I can get behind that. Okay. This is just going to keep on happening if we don't have extra guards posted. Because he's doing two jobs at once. He's being a priest and thus... Well, and I suspect the legitimate authority of the town probably isn't too big of a fan of the Black Hand either. Maybe we can just go all Seven Samurai on this and rally the people and then... Yes. And, may I make a suggestion? Yeah. Once again, Yynward, he's a bit noticeable, but I can blend in a little bit better.

And I'm not known yet. Perhaps it'd be best if I bring him here. How would you feel about that? Because once daylight strikes, Thorold there can't leave. There can be only none vampires that live. There can be only... It's still the middle of the night. It's around 3 AM. Yeah, but I don't think we can go fetch the mayor at 3 AM. If we're talking to the mayor at this point, we would go to sleep or just spend time or whatever and then go get him in the morning. Right? Oh, sure. One second. He's likely to be more receptive when he's conscious. Yeah, I get it. I have Unsleeping Watch, so post me at the corner of a room and I can just scan the room as we all rest.

Okay. So that's what we'll do. We'll rest. Time passes, right, Jason? Is that what we'll just call the... Yes, time does pass. Let me... If you guys are taking a rest anyway, we might as well give your hit points back and everything. Yes. Oh, yeah. Rodswell. Yes. Yeah, you. Yeah, me. Before we go to the mayor's tomorrow, would you like to head out to the cemetery with me and set a memorial stone for Duncan? I would appreciate that, yes. Alright. I think going by yourselves is a bad idea. Maybe we all should go. No, I think us alone would be fine. No one's going to mess with Malkus and no one knows me, so...

Okay. We can wait until daylight. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We don't want to let them... We don't want to say they're not welcome if they're mourning. If they want to join us, yes. I just don't want them to feel as if they must do so. Like for muscle. Yeah. If it's a mourning issue, then by all means, if you feel... If you need to protect us, we can do fine. And if it was for both? Then you're more than welcome. I have a genuine concern for the group. Sounds good. Okay, are we doing it at night? Because that was the only... I was going to say, I have a slight problem with going to the cemetery during the day.

What about dawn? What about like just before sunrise? DM? That's fine by me. I mean, I thought that was a question posed to Thoril. Alright, let's go. It's kind of a watch. Thoril, I don't even think he's here right now, so... It's a real clock watching thing where he's like, "Aaaaaaaand..." Like, you know, just making sure no daylight hits him. Thoril, I know that I haven't shown you the most respect. Thoril, I know that I haven't shown you the most respect, and I don't know exactly how your relationship was with my son. But if you would like to join us in our mourning, you're more than welcome.

Sure, why not? Totally into this. Okay. That's how Thoril would be. Alright, Jason, can I set the scene here? Please do. Alright. Thunder rumbles in the distance. Gentle rain falls. No one quite knows if it's teardrops or raindrops on Malkus' cheeks as they set the memorial stone. Malkus, with his now common bottle in hand, pours out one in front of the stone for Duncan, and then pours one for anyone who will partake. Today we mourn the loss of an ambitious dwarf. Anyone else have any words that they would like to say first? He was a good friend. Anybody else?

I was waiting, I didn't know if anyone else wanted to speak before I jumped in. The n-word, obviously. His dad is a good walker in front of a mirror. There you go, that didn't sound retarded at all. He has a way with words, that one. He's not book smart. He was always a good singer. I found this book on the ground. It's weird. Um, Dylin? I just said he was a good singer. Duncan, uh, Duncan adventured always aggressively. He always lived in the moment. And, uh, he never gave up until he thought something was completely hopeless. Like, he would never stop before he exhausted all his options.

My son had a big heart. And sometimes that could get him in a lot of trouble. Um, he was always willing to help who he considered to be less fortunate than himself, despite the fact that he was never given many gifts. Honestly, he wasn't the strongest or the fastest. He had a true love for the arts. And he did consider himself to be more talented, perhaps, than he was. But that was part of the charm of him. His family missed him as he sought out whatever he thought he wanted to find. And, uh, when I discovered that what he wanted to find was actually his true father, it was a bit of a shock to me.

But I understand the need to discover one's self. Um, and now I must take up his quest, if for no other reason, than to let his father know what he missed out on for all those years. Duncan clasps him on the shoulder. He says, "And now, let's honor your son's memory by messing the black hand up." After seeing that crooked-ass mayor. Okay, I'm at your will. Alright. Uh, so you guys are walking back through town. That one goes out to you, Dan. For the guilt trip that Duncan laid on me following you to be a prince. Thank you. That one goes out to you. It means a lot.

I just want to say before I fall to my death that I completely blame you. Alright, I still have some more time. I forget how long. Like, there's a solid two minutes. It was a solid two minutes to send. Dan just kept saying, and another thing he says, he also, he points, he looks directly, it's like, "Man, he has a lot of wherewithal for plummeting." Like, he's, I've fallen before. He's not terrified at all. I've fallen off a stool or something like that, and I didn't have that kind of wherewithal. Well, when you start falling down a hole at some point, it just becomes, you know.

You ever see Bill and Ted's bogus journey where they fall to hell and after a while they just start playing I Spy or something? It's kind of like that. So you're saying he's in hell? No, he had to fall that far, though. Oh, I got you. So, okay, so I guess now this is, uh... Uh, you guys are heading back through town. Now, let me describe, uh... Basically, the town setup. If I had a larger map, I would do that, but I didn't actually anticipate you guys leaving town for memorial service. So, uh... This right here would be the tavern. Okay. Uh, across town is basically where you guys both live, and that's kind of more upscale digs.

Like, this would be not Crime Alley or anything. I mean, it's not that bad, but it's definitely... But a bit lower than the high, high, high one. Yeah, this is where a lot of commoners live and stuff. That's where the tavern is. I mean, that's, you know, but it's the middle of the night. So the only lights that are around, uh, it's... It was raining, so it just kind of wet streets. So the only thing out are a couple of lanterns that can light your way. The only building with lights on is the tavern. And as you guys walk by, you are spotted, and several thugs pour into the streets.

Christ. There we go. Okay. That was giant for a second. I don't know if anybody else saw that. No, I didn't see it. Yeah, I did. It was... He took up, like, four spaces, so... Yeah. And one more. So you guys can just... Look, they're eager to die, and just draw his rod. Sorry. I'm ten years old. I guess we'd actually be closer than that, wouldn't we? I mean, you could be... Yeah, I mean, you guys are just heading back to town. Well, it depends how fast they noticed us. Yeah. So that's fine, right there. So after the Hand Incident, there's an order from the Black Hand to just kill you on sight.

Makes sense. That was pretty brazen, what we did. When you think about it. Alright, apparently we're walking down the street all erratic and shit. You, all the way over there. Me, I'll be back here. Just group yourselves up there and then we'll do initiative. I'm waiting for my icon to pop up. Oh, you have to move in. Yeah, you have to move it, like, bang, there you go. There's no free rides here, man. Okay, there I am. There's no free rides, you idiot. Fuck you. Alright, I missed you. Let me drop in here. Oh, I got a twenty, bitch. Twenty. Hey, twenty-one. Twenty-one?

Wow. Two! Hey, it's not a competition. Roll it. I have a bad feeling about this. Go ahead. Fourteen! The hell? How do I keep getting fourteen? The dice are loaded today. No one likes your character anyway. Just go to bed. And time, you gotta roll. Oh, no, yeah, okay, yeah, you gotta roll. Yeah, oh, what do I do? Just roll a d20. Plus two. Gotcha. Oh, what? Nine. It's not terrible. Let's see what they roll. Okay, so I mean, that's, you know, they, yeah, they're gonna be peppered in. There's a nice pocket where it's just gonna be them taking turns. We're gonna start out with streetwise thug number two.

What's his movement speed? Let's see. Six. He charges the Minotaur. And he's gonna use his longsword. Thirty-one. That's six damage. So first blood on the Minotaur. Boom. Uh, Rodwell. Wait, so he didn't have to attack? He didn't have to attack roll? It's just a flat, yeah, it's flat damage. Oh, okay. That's the most they can do is six. Alright, sorry, I was chewing. Okay, I'm gonna roll up here and here. And flank him. Well, you can't get behind him like that because that's opportunity attack. Oh, opportunity, sorry, okay, fine, then I will go, yeah, I will go, why does it keep moving?

Here. One, two, three, four. There. Sorry, my screen kept moving on me, I don't know why. And I will do blessings of battle, which is a d20 plus 12 plus two, so d20 plus 14. Roll. 19, nope. Nope. Man, that sucks. Malpus. Alright. Malpus will delay. Okay, that's interesting. Iron Hood. Except for something, I don't trust him. Alright, um, six. Ah, Jesus Christ. I'm gonna use, um, flame cyclode again. Okay. I could do it on my own, but I'm not gonna do it on my own. Okay. I could do it on five and three, right? Because it's in my corner, I'm gonna launch it towards them.

Alright, cool. I'm gonna hit five and three with it. Pew. Eleven. First one misses. 21. So 21 hits three. Uh, that'll kill it too. Doesn't matter? It does matter, it's fine. Oh, murdered. They're minions. They are. And I'm going to use a geos of assault on four. Four, okay. I cancel my delay after that. Okay. I was winding up for a daily, so I'm glad we figured this out. I will just step up and take a swing here with Soul Eater. So, uh, who are you targeting? Four? Oh, no, two. And then I miss, and that's all for me. Okay. And I'm gonna go home. Good turn. Uh, streetwise thug.

I'm still a good father. Uh, he's gonna use his broadsword. 28. That'll hit. That's six damage to Jerk. Uh, streetwise thug number five. Uh, he is gonna shift down here. And then he's also gonna attack Jerk. 23, that's another six. I believe I can take that. Uh, Thoril. Uh, sorry. Hang on just one second. And I will do vampire slam on thug number four. 24, 28, 25. That'll hit. Finally. Uh, you scoop him up and slam him back into the street, breaking his neck. That's pretty funny, man. [laughter] Uh, Yennward. Alright. Uh, can I just hit the dude next to me? Sure.

Sure, that sounds great. Okay, I wanna use Reaping Strike. Sounds good. Alright. Reaping Strike, right? Uh, that said D20 plus 12, it looks like. Yep. Yeah, 14 because we're flanking. Oh, you're flanking, yeah. If you can draw a straight line to an ally and there's an enemy in between, you're flanking him. Okay. 28. That'll hit. Uh, let's see. Yeah, that's a hell of a lot of damage anyway. Uh, yeah, he's dead. Super dead. Bam. So you're cleaving through these guys. Uh, Roswell. That's me. That is you. One, two, three, four. Is that okay? Uh, yeah, that's fine. Okay. Uh, blessings of battle, D20 plus 14, roll 24. 24 will hit.

Okay, that is 1D... 1D8. Oh wait, hold on a second. 1D8 plus 6. That is 9. And he's dead. Okay. I'm giving, uh... Jarek plus 2 resistance until my next turn. You know what? Alright. You don't want it? No, no, no, no, no, I was thinking about something else. Fill me with your buffs. Uh, Ironhide, your turn. Roswell fills Jarek with his buffs. Oh, this guy's right here, isn't he? Alright, well, um... Shit. Uh, Green Flame Blade. Alright. There's a bonus on that. 22. That'll hit. Alright, he dies. And you have cleaned the streets of Thugs. Whew, we're saving the town. And you are now standing directly outside of the tavern.

Huh. Might as well walk in. Yeah, we were gonna go to the bar, we were gonna go see the mayor, but we're here, right? Like, we should... At a certain point, giving them time only makes it worse for us. Yeah. Give them more Thugs. What do you think, Inward? Whatever you guys are cool with, I'm down. This is the most directionless minotaur. Yeah, whatever, I'm cool. It's my thing, man. I don't have a dungeon to guard anymore. Turns out to be like a stoner minotaur. I wanted to come out at some point that he was guarding a dungeon that we destroyed or something.

He's like a depressed minotaur. I'm an aimless, homeless minotaur. I just follow people that'll have me. Inward, let me introduce you to Thoril. Hey. You two might get along. Let's get along, bro. This is the interior of the bar. If you guys wanna place your characters right in this vicinity... Yeah. Eh, whether or not. I'll head up. Wait, I think I'm cool. I think I'm cool. You guys go ahead. I'm good. I'll pull up right there. So it's painfully obvious that the Black Hand knew you were coming. I mean, it's obvious. Hey, why are there two of me's over here? I'm just curious about it.

Well, I'm out of tokens, that's why. That could get confusing, though, so we'll figure that out. Well, he has numbers. They do have numbers. Yeah. There is a group of gentlemen surrounding you, as you can see. Everyone roll initiative. This is gonna lead straight into a fight, the second you walk through the door. Oh, wait. Add two. Eight. It's nine. Sorry. Twenty-six. Seven. What? Six. Ah, let's see here. Six. Ten. Seven. Justin got a twenty-six. No, okay. No, I got a seven, I think. Yeah. That's fucking sad. I got the twenty-six. You got the twenty-six. All right. Okay, so five-point to guys.

Can you tell me what they are? Sure. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, you can obviously look around the room and see, like, they're thugs. They're obviously thugs. In the back of the room, you can see, there you go. You can see the black hand back there. You also just see two very large gentlemen standing in front of him. Scattered around the room are mostly men holding swords or clubs, and then there are a couple gentlemen holding crossbows. I'd like to be diplomatic at this point. I think we lost diplomacy when you cut off someone's hands. Let's try to reason with them.

What do you say? No, we can fuck these guys up. Listen, I know we said you had a sack of hands, but... Hey, there's no proof that was us. I'm going to go up these stairs now. I'll see you later. Well, I'll see you guys later when you guys hash us out. Look, I tried to go to sleep, like, three hours ago, okay? What is up, though? I have nothing to do with this. I don't even know these guys. You've never seen me before. What's up here? I'm rolling initiative for these guys. Don't lose your nerve now, Rod Swell, father of Duncan Joybata. Allied to good and righteousness.

Come on, Minotaur, let's get out of here. I just came in for a drink. What did I stumble upon? Just back out slowly. Thoril, your turn, sir. Well, even though I would be taking the route around the table, I just want to pretend like I'm leaping over the table at three. Yeah, you can do that. Yeah, sure. Alright, so I'm going to... Parkour. Sprint forward from the door. Sprint from the door, parkour over the bar or desk or whatever the hell that thing is. The bar. And Vampire Slam on three. Twenty-eight. Critical hit! Damn! So I feel like a badass right now. Sprint from the door, leap clean over the bar, grab this guy, slam him to the ground, break his neck.

That is a good way to start off a fight. And then Rod Swell yells, "Impressive Vampire!" Human tough. He is going to shift right there. That's the best fight by Stug #1. Let's see here. He is going to run forward to the Minotaur and take a swing at him. That's smart. Everyone charges the Minotaur. I guess just because it's... It's a thing to do. It's the big show theory in a Royal Rumble. Thirty-one. That'll hit. That's six. That's fine. The Black Hand's turn, he's going to shift right here. I'm just imagining this depressed Minotaur complimenting a thug on his strategy.

That's good, man. I'm going to kill you! That's a wise idea. Hey guys, before barging into this bar, maybe we should have healed a little bit. Oh well. Let's see here. One of the crossbow thugs, #2, is going to take a shot at Thor. And... Thwack. Critical hit. That's seven damage. Which one was it? I need to know. I need to know for later. Crossbow thug #1 is going to do the same thing. Twenty-nine. That's another seven. Bam. Malchus. Okay, I will go... We'll have your finest. I'll take the filet mignon rare. I'll back up the n-word. He seems pretty cool. I'll hang up.

It does totally sound like we're saying the n-word. And... Bam! I think that hits. It certainly does. Probably does alright. And then damage as I hit him with my blazing necrotic sword for sixteen damage. That'll kill him. I think we'll just call him Yen for short. I'm going to go back up the n-word. Jason, I gain three of them. Bam! Done. All done? Yup. Streetwise thug #2. He's going to take two steps back. And then fire his crossbow at Malchus. 29. I burn him in response. Ooh, so you're taking six and then you burn him in response? It's an automatic hit. D6 plus nothing.

Just a flat D6 of damage to him. That'll kill him. He fires a crossbow at you, it hits, and then he bursts into flames. That seems lopsided. If you're recounting the fight, that seems terrible. Malchus looks at the rest of them and goes, "Now I know what you're all thinking. How many more times can he do that? There's one way to find out." Uh... Jee-ironhide. Jarvan. Jar-fless-nam. His-lam. Jesus. Charge the other thug and kill him. You can clear the table. Go ahead. One second. He just walks through the table. Oh, yay. Um... One, two, three, four, five, six. Gonna use...

Three, flame, lit. Uh, corrosive rune. Oh, wow. That's another one of those blast, uh, three, uh, action, uh, close three blast. Okay. And... Gonna hit this guy if I can. It's gonna explode in an area anyway, so... Yeah, yeah, that'll hit both of them. Yeah. Um, yes, all of it. Of all of it. Um, bam. For the first one, the closest one, number one. Bam, that hits him. Twenty-two. Eh, twenty-six. Okay, you soak 'em both in acid, coming from some orifice. My ass. Uh, killing them both. Yay, I did it. Uh, Rodswell. Okay, gents, um, before I, uh, move on to four. Does anybody wanna be healed a little bit? 'Cause I have a feeling that, uh, we might need it when we jump into here, but I just don't know.

I mean, everyone seems like they're not doing too bad. I'm fine. Okay. Robots don't need healing, they need welding. Thoril, you're good? Thoril? That should be fine. Okay. Famous, I should know. Yen, okay, then, uh, then I'll just, uh, mosey on up here and use Blas in the battle. Um, d20 plus twelve, I'll probably miss it, 'cause that's kinda what I've been doing. Fifteen. Folks, don't break it. Okay, well, should've probably healed somebody, but whatever. Maybe should've helped somebody, who knows. Yea-ward, your turn. Fit in the mist of healing. Okie dokie, um, I have a question.

How does, like, moving work? Is it unlimited how many spaces I can go? No. No! No, god, no. Um, just wondering. Uh, let's see here, your movement speed, uh, status details. Movement speed is... It's five. Is it five? Where's it say that? Speedcast. Oh, yeah, there it is, it's up top, I'm an idiot. So, uh, that means you can move five squares. Okay. Do you see how the map's kinda divided into the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I think I can get right up to number four. Yep. One, two, yep. Right there. Okay. And I wanna use, uh, fuck, what was it called? Reaping Strike, which is D20 plus 12.

Roll. 24. 24, hit! Uh, Reaping Strike is... that's just an at will, okay. I don't have to check that off, so, bam. Jesus, even if you miss, you hit with that one. Yep. Nice. So he's dead. Super dead. Uh, the only people left in the bar, uh, are the Black Hand, huddled in a corner, uh, now, quite fearful, actually, he figured his odds were pretty good, uh, and two very large men standing in front of him. The Tuffs, as I like to call them. Tuffs. Uh, the Black Hand points at, uh, the group of you, and, and screams at the two guys to, to just, just kill you, just kill 'em already.

Uh, the Human Tough number two charges forward, let me see what his actual... uh-huh. There we go, okay. So, okay, so he's gonna charge forward at Thorol, and he's gonna... He's a pretty good movement for such a big guy. Yeah, five, I mean, yeah. It's pretty simple. Oh, okay. Picks up Skirt and runs. Ha ha! Uh, let's see here. He's gonna use his War Pick. Uh, this is basically, uh, like a hook, and the aim is to kind of, uh, to swing and hit and then hook someone in. So, not only is it painful, but it's going to kind of attach you to him if it hits. Mm. So, let's see here, that's, uh, nine...

Twenty-five. Yup. So, that's gonna hit, uh, D8 plus five. Eleven. So, that's eleven damage and... Bam. Okay, and you're bloodied. Uh, let's see here. Oh, not my favorite! Uh, Thorol, your turn. Well, I'm gonna have to do some sort of retaliation. Uh, I think just for this, I think maybe an encounter power would be good. Hang on, I'm just looking at something real quick. Ah! I got it. Ow. Shit. Sorry, I just hit my foot on something and it hurt like hell. Um, I think I will do Vampire Slam to him. Okay. Alright, D20 plus eight. Oh, I got another fourteen. That's gonna miss.

I slink over. Just, uh, human tough number one, um, is going to move right in front of the Minotaur. Well, hey there, friend. Uh, he's gonna do the same thing, gonna do, uh, skewered swing. That's fair. That's what he knows, you know? No, it's not. He wore menacing. With... War pick, I'm sorry, not skewered swing, war pick. Uh, that is twenty-one! I am a dumbass. So that's gonna hit. Is it? Yeah. Twenty-one. That'll hit. Oh, is he out? Okay, sorry. Uh, that's gonna do nine damage. And now he's gonna get you hooked in. It's off the hook, bro. Uh, it's the Black Hand's turn.

He's gonna shift this way. Being hooked to a Minotaur is the place you wanna be. I think the Black Hand's trying to sneak out the back. Malgus, your turn. Okay. Malgus, stop him! Get him! Sick of the way. Yep, yep. I was planning to fight him, so he just made it easier. He's clearly got the book clutched in his hands, by the way. Two, four, six. Shit. Uh, that worked out. Not gonna lie, that's more than a beat. Um, so, uh, now the question is what I wanna do with him. Um, and I think I know the answer. Let's go with... Uh, I'm gonna open up with Soul Eater here, and then I'm probably gonna Action Point.

Okay. I'm gonna open by eating a soul, and then I'm gonna get down to there. And then it really gets crazy. Uh, I'll miss. I'll roll the most ones ever. Of all. This game. I think I'll just, I may have a few more of them up my sleeve if you want to see. The tiefling slips and falls. Okay, I'm blowing my Action Point. Um, let's go with Armor of Winter's Grasp. No, no, no, seriously this time, guys, seriously. That was a practice swing. D20 plus nine. This will be versus fortitude. 16 versus fortitude. Uh, that's gonna miss slightly. So I still get half damage on him.

He's just not slowed. So half damage, let me... My charisma is plus five, half... Well, no, 2d6 plus five. Boom, boom, plus five. Oh, no, the damage is already calculated. Okay. So 17, cut in half, round down. Eight damage. And I have a plus two bonus to AC and fortitude until the end of the encounter. Damn, okay. Well, shoot. Okay, and that's all from Malkus. Jarek, your turn. Good and slow, guys. Good and slow. Did you at least do any kind of damage to him? Yeah, I mean, he's cold. He's really uncomfortable, guys. It was ice. Ice to meet you, it is. Sandra, nice to meet you.

Gonna use lightning lure on, um... On, uh, henchman number two. Okay. Well, I wanna pull him off of the vampire because the vampire's not strong enough to actually take a gun. Here's the question. If he pulls him, is that gonna also pull Traus, I mean Thoril? It absolutely will. Okay. He's holding a weapon that he's swung into it. It's hooked into him. Alright, alright, I'll just move up to him then. Are both hooked, me and Thoril? Yes. Where hooked from? Different, uh, tops have you hooked, but... Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got an idea. Alright, yeah. I'm just gonna use, uh...

Shit, do I even have to be, uh... It's funny with this, you know? The crowd speaks up. Green flame blade. *laughter* Uh... Yeah, green flame blade. *screams* Twenty-two. Twenty-two will hit. Does it kill him? Uh, no. No? Okay, well then I have to do the, uh, damage deal. You do. Uh... yeah. Seven. And I'm gonna also pop my, um, action point. Okay. So you and Mel'Koz have both spent your action points. And I'm going to use... Um... Yeah, I only have two dailies now. Not when I'm looking... Okay. This is weird. Uh, remember when we touched up my character? Like, I still have the, uh, endurance thing.

You don't have toughness. I have endurance and intimidate, uh, uns... Yeah, that's not toughness. That's different. Toughness is, uh, extra five hit points. Alright then. Never mind. Never mind. I'm gonna use, uh, Dimensional Thunder. Ooh. Dusting that off. Okay. It's gonna do... Twenty plus... Uh, twelve. It's twenty-nine. Twenty-nine will hit. And the damage is... deck. Two d10 plus six. Total of fourteen. Okay, and he gets five ongoing thunder damage until save ends. Yep. Now, what's the save? Like a ten? Uh, yeah. That's the same thing as if you... Alright, cool. Someone else's turn.

Uh, Rodswell. *clears throat* Thoril. I'm leaving my healing word on you. Uh, it is... You get to... You spend a healing surge and you gain one d6 additional hit points. Do I roll the one d6 or...? I believe you do. Okay. By the way, I used Dimensional Thunder. Yeah. Check it off. I'm doing it. Check it the fuck off. Okay, so... Uh, plus four. So it's your healing surge plus four. Alright, that's thirteen then. Total. Alrighty. Thirteen hit points. Bam. And I'm going to, uh... I think I'm going to use my action point. And, uh... I can move again, right? Whoa, okay. You move and then use an action point.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. That's what I meant. Four, five, okay. Now I'm going to use an action point. Um... So... I have this thing called Dark Speech. Okay. Um... One creature that can hear you. Okay. The tough can hear you? Yes. Okay, so I attack Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma versus Fortitude, Reflex, and Will. I make a single attack roll and I use it against all the defenses. Um, okay. So, my Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma. What is my highest? Intelligence. Intelligence is the... I would imagine. Uh... Wisdom is five. Intelligence is... We're talking about the modifier, right?

I believe you're talking about your base in this case. Oh, it is? I believe... Wait, wait, wait, wait. But, um... It's... The attack roll is Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma versus... Fortitude, Reflex, and Will. Okay, so you're going to use Wisdom, right? It's 21, so... Yeah. So it'll be your Modifier, your Wisdom Modifier, plus half your level still. Wait, so two. Yeah. Well, does it show... I mean, let me pull you up and see if it just shows the math. Let me... It doesn't. That's the problem. It doesn't. It doesn't? No. For a weird change, it doesn't. Because there's so many options, I think, in this particular...

Okay. There's so much going on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Um, well, it's Dark Speech. Let me look at how it's... Let's see. So, yeah, you won't add any, like, any weapon proficiency bonus or anything like that, but it's... So half your level is two, plus your Wisdom Modifier is five or seven, I think. Five. Yeah, so seven, yeah. So it's a D20 plus seven? Correct. Okay. And what are you attacking? Okay. I attack all. Every last one of you. It says... It says Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma. Oh, you're right. Okay. It's in order to reflex and will. So, now the weird thing is, though, is that either he falls prone, grants combat advantage until my next turn, or I push it up to its speed.

Or I do all of them, I guess, if I get it. So... You do as many as you want to be. Or whichever you like. Right. So, we'll roll a 20. So, what is his... Okay. Did it beat his Fortitude? It does beat his Fortitude. It beat his... It beat everything. Okay. So, now he fell, he got pushed however many spaces he can move, and I have combat advantage until the end of my next turn. Well, that's the problem, though. There's someone standing directly in front of him, so I don't think he'd get pushed that way. Okay. That's fine. Let's see. Where's... Oh, there's Roswell. Yeah.

A push can be into... Legal squares for a push are any square as long as it's further away each time. So, he can push diagonally. Okay. So... As long as it's more squares away every time we check. Two, three, four, and slams into the doorway there. Yeah. I'm hooked to him, so I guess I'm coming along. Oh, shit, yeah. How is that possible? He's a minotaur. Well, it's the for... His hook breaks off of my chest and goes flying into the wall. I mean, he is hooked to him, so, I mean... If there's a grab involved, the grab is broken when the guy is pushed out of range of his grab reach.

Okay. That's fine. So, I guess just the force of it breaks free and he's slammed into the wall and knocked prone. And he grants combat advantage. Yes. Okay. That is detailed. Who is next? I am. Yennward. Yes, and I'm gonna go after the Black Hand. Oh, wow. Get that flank, Yenn. Oh my god, he didn't. I'm gonna clean him. D20 plus 12. Oh, yeah, make sure and add another two, because you're flanking. Oh, well, I just add two, that's 30. Yeah, okay, well, you definitely, definitely hit him. Fine, you got me. So, the Black Hand is surrounded by a Tiefling Warlock and a minotaur fighter.

Go ahead and roll your damage. Didn't I already do that? You rolled the attack, like you hit him. Okay, no. Now, then there's another dice roll under that for damage. Okay. Clean, right? Oh, D10 plus seven? Yeah. And I add another two, because I'm flanking? No, that's just for the attack. That's just like, that gives you more of a chance to hit him. Which one of these is the D10? It's the one, it's next to the diamond-shaped one that looks like it has the eight on it. It's right in the middle. Okay. And if you hover over it, it'll say add a D10. Gotcha. Plus seven.

Roll 17. Damn. So, you slammed the Black Hand really damn hard. Right in his hands. And not only is he bloodied, but he's on one knee. Like, he's down on the ground. Man, we are flanking these guys up. Kind of embarrassing, actually. We can deal with a fool group. The bandar's just throwing them around. I slammed that guy against the flanking wall and knocked him out. So, the Human Tough over here, number two, who is still connected, who still has this hook into Thoril, is going to use Skewered Swing. Basically what he's going to do is shake the shit out of the hooked weapon he's using, slamming Thoril into things.

So, that's going to be a D20 plus 11. That's a 20. Miss! Holy shit, that does it. Wow. Oh yeah, it's cat-like reflexes. Yeah, so, okay, he misses. Apparently that did no damage to you. He just went along with it, like in "What You Do With An Alligator." You just go with the roll, that's what it is. Thoril, your turn. Well, imagine if you still slam him, despite the fact that there's a hook inside of me. You're adjacent to him, so yeah, I mean, it's not like it's... I'm going to chop on him. Hang on here. Ooh, I wonder if his Fortitude is... I bet you his Fortitude isn't bigger than his AC.

So, I'm going to try that. Hang on. Melee at will. Okay, cool. Wait. Yeah. Alright, so yeah, I'm going to do "Taste of Life." And this goes right there. D20+8, 26. That'll hit. Alright, I'm going to use my encounter power of "Blood Drinker," which, on top of the 1d8, will add a d10 to the damage roll. And plus the 8 for that. And 15 for that. And then I gain a healing surge and temporary hit points. Plus that's 2, plus my charisma modifier, which is 2. So I gain 4 temporary hit points and then a healing surge. Good lord. So you sink your fangs into him. It deals 15 damage.

And you get how much? 4 temporary hit points and a healing surge. Okay. And 4 temp hit points. Not bad, not bad. It's human tough one's turn. He uses his movement action to stand up. [laughter] He is going to take his javelin out and whip it across the room at Roswell. You dick! Go fuck yourself. Says the priest. I was going to make it his voice. 20. Against? Acing. Okay. That's a 1d6 plus 5. 11. Whatever. Take it. Well it wasn't really an option. Take my blood. I insist. The black hand's turn. I'm going to run. Oh man. I am really sorry. [laughter] Take this book. He's going to use leg stab.

Oh that's it. That's what he would do. [laughter] Sounds like black hand. Yeah he's going to use leg stab against Malkus. That's a d4. Take the knife and the leg. My AC is 22 right now. His options are a fucking stab the tiefling warlock or the minotaur fighter. I have to remind you. Can we get like his movement or something? Well hold on let's see if it hits first. 14. That does nothing. It's a weak ass swing bro. I was fighting for you. He takes a swing, misses and he's back on one knee. Malkus! Down on bended knee. Where's the book? It's clutched in his hand.

Oh well then that's redundant. We can wipe it off later right? Yeah it's fine. You're looking right at it and you're asking where's the book? It's a nice hard cover. The other book! You took my photo album! Hey Malkus offer to let him go if he gives you the book. I'm waffle good remember? Says the guy who just lopped the hands off of people and desecrated corpses. I didn't desecrate a corpse except for the evil people but I'm waffle! Except for the hand-lopping. There's no law in this town so I had to take it upon myself. Oh I see I see so that's how it works.

He's a missionary. I say as I do my attack roll. 18 versus fortitude. Jesus. That'll hit! Ok and that's Blazing Doom of the Void so that's 2d12+9. Oh my god. 13 damage. You murder him. If we murder him these toffs are gone right? They don't want to stick around and... I mean they're already into it he just got knocked across the fucking room. But they were defending the book and him and he's done. Right I mean I get your rationale behind that but I mean you have to picture this as a bar fight. These guys aren't gonna... odds are we are not gonna stop coming after them.

If that's where we're going that's fine. Evil needs to pay. I mean the guy at least the fucking guy who got knocked across the room. Like he's gonna be pretty pissed still like I mean. He threw the javelin we're good we're even. And this guy right down here thug number two he can't leave because he still has a javelin inside the vampire's chest. The vampire's chest. It sounds like something in fable. The black hand falls forward the book spills out of his hands as he hits the ground. A pool of blood forms underneath of him. Eunward grab it. I'm just gonna say with my move action can I pick it up?

It's right there yes you're adjacent to it. It's not gonna go far it's a book. Can we have Eunward grab it? Why? Because it's kind of he's the outside guy he has the book he could run off with it we don't know it's interesting. But why use that? Because it's a story. Let these guys run away but we give them a key to our place so they can murder us in our sleep. It's for the story. Spice of life guys come on. The way I see it is Malgus knocks the black hand backwards he falls into Eunward who then has the book. At that point it is up to Eunward as he can give it back or he can run off if he wants.

Damn it. I think I'm gonna hold on to it for a little while. I am all evil. I just met you guys I'm not sure I trust you. Earn my trust and I'll let you look at it. Smile. You want to look at it? Yeah you're looking at my book? That's a no. Here's the thing. Here's the other thing. Malgus has the key Eunward has the book. If we had Malgus have the key he could run off on it and he has everything we can't do shit. It's true. Yeah because I've proven not to look trustworthy for you guys. Thanks Dan. Okay. Kill Duncan? Who's turn is it now? Mine? It's Jared. Wait wait wait Eunward said you killed Duncan.

I'm a real lone wolf here Dan Phelps. I just love the idea of the quiet minotaur like yeah but you killed his son. He said hold you know killing something. Alright this is what I'm going to do. I am going to do lightning and lore on human thug one or human tough. Alright and 25. That'll grab him. How does that grab you? Let me not whistle into the microphone again. I liked it. It wasn't loud. It was attractive. Does 11 damage. 11 damage. And I'm also human tough number two I'm going to put a Js of assault on him. Okay. You all done? Uh yep. Roswell. One two three four five.

Hi. Um so I have advantage on him what does that mean again? Plus two for attack. So I get a plus two plus two. Oh! Combat advantage. Uh Rob. What's up? When you yeah when someone grants combat advantage. That's just the that's the bonus that's that is the name of the bonus that flanking gives. Okay okay. Yeah so you can't you can't get it redundantly you can't get like flanking and combat advantage because it's it's the same bonus. Oh well shit the whole thing was kind of pointless except he missed a turn but oh well. Yeah but I mean with that power you can hit someone across the room you still get they still like you're flanking them but yeah.

Yeah okay uh then I will do blessings battle 20 plus 14 30. 30 will hit. Okay 1d8 plus six. I have less health than I usually do. A 14. Got a nice old daisy chain going down at the bottom of the bar there. And uh I am I'm giving my I'm giving my plus two resistance to Jarek. Cool. All righty. Yeah we're cool um I don't think I want to make it down there in five steps so can I just like pass? Do you have any ranged attack or? Oh I I do actually. For the book. Okay so I chuck the book at uh. Oh why don't you charge? Oh yeah you could charge. Oh yeah you could charge.

I'll charge right at number two then. Gore. Which which one's stronger? Bull charge is d20 plus 12. Bull charge is stronger. Yeah I know. Okay sorry. Oh he can't do that. Why not? That's a six. Yeah charge adds plus one. Oh never mind never mind okay he has exactly that. Okay so uh sorry. 25. 25 will hit. Clap the shit out of him. 2d10 plus seven. Damn. Does he move them at all with the charge? I believe yeah. So then that then he's not attached to Thoril anymore too right? 16. Thoril is 16. Uh it knocks target prone is what it does. Oh okay. So that'll end the grasp.

That'll let go right? Yeah that'll end the grasp. Hey look at that. Ow you motherfucker. Fucking eso. Uh so he is bloodied and on the ground. Vampire bite his face. While he's on the ground but well it doesn't matter never mind. Human tough two uh it's his turn he uses movement to stand up. Which is always the best like that's uh he's gonna turn around. He's gonna turn around and swing at the minotaur for knocking him on the on the ground. He's pretty pissed about that. Well fuck you too human tough two. And there goes Justin. Off the backstabber. Uh it's a backcracker I'm not actually Mexican.

Uh he's gonna go ahead and use his uh his broadsword he's just gonna swing with his broadsword. You fucker. He's just pissed. 14 that's gonna miss. And my turn. 28. That was almost a crack. God damn it. Tasty. Uh that'll hit. We just give him out cause. No no no it's it's Justin hitting his Jesus. Oh okay sorry sorry sorry. Yeah yeah yeah. 13? Yup 13. Bam okay. So in the span of a couple seconds uh Yenn we're charged across the room. Knock this guy on his ass. He stands up in a fucking rage swings at the Minotaur and misses. Ironhide teleports behind him and stabs him.

This guy's having a shitty day. Uh Thoril. Malchus is way far away just mourning the fact that he didn't get the book. All this is going on and he's just like why did I let the Minotaur have the fucking book? I would say I would say sulking is a better verb sulking. I wanna see if I can end this. Uh Vampire Slam the 2. 20 plus 8. 27 almost. Oh fucking A dude. Another one. So Mr. Crit. That's why I remember that. C10 plus 8. 15. He is fucked in the butt. He's not dead yet. Not quite no price. They have more health than the actual boss did. Well that's kind of the idea.

Yeah I guess that like. You don't hire guys who are weaker than you. Well I guess like especially in this guy. He's like a gnome or something so you guys were just beating the shit out of this guy. He's like 2 feet off the ground and shit you're just kicking him. Stabbing their legs. He goes to stab your leg I can't even. He goes to stab your leg I'm like yeah. He even misses. That's kind of his go to move. It's a leg stab that slows you. It gives him a chance to shift away and start running. Oh I looked the uh. What was it the blood drinker? It gave me a healing surge.

You took away my healing surge. Oh I'm sorry. I'm dumb. I used a healing surge instead. Yeah. Sorry I've got to. I gained an extra one. Please don't hit me. Um. Just getting 4 for 3. Uh details where's your healing surge is that? Status. Is it status? Sure. Okay. Surge is remaining I'm sorry. There you go. Come on this guy should be dead. I forgot you only have like 2 surges now. Alright. Human tough number 1 he's going to use his broadsword on uh. Rodswell. 26. That obviously hits. Correct. Uh 10 plus 7. 17. Wow. Nice. Look at that. No it's not nice you can't cheer on the.

I'm not cheering I'm just observing talent. That guy has a lot of talent obviously. It's not. Cheering on the human tough. I'm not I'm completely neutral in all this. During the break I respected the minotaur's moves when he was dancing and flipping all over I'm going to respect him too. Malchus. Alright. Um. That's what I do. Um. I'll just line up an Elbridge fool at uh guy number 1 there. Uh huh. And this is versus reflex. 16 versus reflex. That'll hit. Yeah baby. Uh. D10 plus 9. Um. Oh blazing dude with a void hit last turn didn't it? Uh so plus 5 damage. Plus 5 damage.

Good lord. Uh and max 24. 24. Nice nice nice. I got a question after this. Sure go ahead. What's the difference between fortitude and reflex? Like a big guy won't have reflex right? Correct. Yeah. Alright cool cool cool. Fortitude is for like poisons and pushes reflexes for like jumping out of the way of fireballs. Okay cool. Thank you. Uh. Human tough number 1 is bloodied by the way. Ironhide your turn. Alright. Uh can I use my um flame cyclone right here? Just target that area? Is that a burst? I forget what the word is. It's a blast. So yeah if you shift there yeah you can just use it.

Okay so if I use it right there then that hits all these uh areas? That would hit these two right? It's a. Hold on hold on a second. Yeah it's a blast 3 so yeah. Okay so I don't have to move I just have to use the ability. Well wait. Flame cyclone is a blast ability not a burst so. Yeah I said blast. Yeah you could shoot it from there and hit both of them. Alright cool I'm gonna do that. First I'm. I didn't use this one I used corrosive rune uh before so like both of these are gonna be checked off. Uh huh. Uh yeah 20. First I'm gonna uh hit uh human tough number 1 and then 2.

Okay. 1. Does he actually have to move to the spot or is it? No no no he's. No it's a blast so I blast that area. Oh okay. Uh critical miss. Oof okay so 1's fine. Oh a crit. And a crit on twice. Ying and yang. That story hit everything. It ups and downs it. That guy's dead. Uh number 2 actually yes that murdered yep that killed him. Raroo. So he is dead. Dead and gone. Gonna put my aegis of assault on uh human tough number 1. Yeah that's yeah. Uh roswell. Alright um let's see here we got yinward and thoral before human tough number 1 goes again. But my attacks aren't that strong.

I am gonna back off a little bit here and I have. Oh woah woah woah woah woah. Oh he gets. Sorry. Do I need to go this way? Yeah you can shift backwards 1 yeah. Yeah that's what I meant. Um and sorry my hand just went crazy. Um and I'm going to use my other healing word on myself. Uh I get 1d6 plus my healing surge. So 4. So I'm using healing surge plus 4. Okay. Wheeee get it. Get bored. Man you are no longer bloodied. There we go. Uh yinward your turn. Okay so I'm gonna finish off number 1 here. And I'm gonna use reaping strike. So to make sure I kill him. Plus 12. 27.

Uh that'll hit. Okay and. 13. Uh 13 will hit. Now you can. You can uh. Uh pop an action point. You got one of them and you can take another attack at him if you want. Pop a shango right now? Sure. I'll go ahead and cleave him. Uh you know you still have your dailies right? I don't know what any of that means. Okay I'm sorry. I'm gonna take that as an insult. Um so uh your at will powers are something you can use over and over and over again. Those are the green ones. The red ones are encounter powers which means you get to use that once per big fight. Like per encounter.

Okay. These are something you can use once a day. But it looks like this is gonna be the last thing we get into. So this will be your last fight of the day. Yeah. That's the last enemy of the last fight of the day. So the dailies are your most powerful stuff. Like uh. I wanna use brute strike then. Okay. Haha. This yeah okay. So now I roll three. Uh okay I got it. Oh you gotta attack again though. I know. 29. 29 will hit. That's a 3d10 plus 7. One two three. Jesus. So I'm about to liquify this guy. Hahahaha. Holy shit. 29. That'll kill it. Yeah he had 26 life left so that's it.

Jesus. You only had that much? Yeah. They were toughs. That's their job. To be tough. And now we own the bar. Yeah. So uh. Now tycoon sim. Let's do this. If you kill whatever's in sight you own it so. That's how it works right? Now we're playing lemonade stand. Uh you are standing basically knee deep in a pile of bodies. Yep. Uh you've pried the book. Well the black hand pretty much dropped the book. But you have that back. Uh. Organized crime took a hit today. I'm gonna tell you that. You've killed pretty much every shitty gangland piece of crap. Uh thug, tough, whatever.

Blade. Uh and. The owners of the bar. Uh who. Yeah I mean. The black hand essentially owned it but I mean he wasn't the owner. He just kind of took up in the bar and what are you gonna do? Tell him no? I imagine he paid them a little bit on the side so they don't rat them out or something. Yeah or just. You know it's like a protection thing. It's like oh no one's gonna mess with you. You know I mean like that kind of thing. But. Yeah the owners of the bar when they come in in the morning that's it. What the fuck? Hey Marcus. Yo. Was there nothing else on the black hand's body?

Just the book? Nothing? Uh I'll search it. Yeah. Uh that's a wise move right there. Uh the black hand was ready to flee this place. As you could see early on in the fight. Uh he had 500 gold on him. Uh and the book. So that's that's it it's up to you if you guys want to pocket that money. Uh yeah. No we'll let it return to the earth from whence it came. Yes we're pocketing it. I'm just I'm just saying the owners of the bar have a lot of cleaning up to do. I'm just throwing it up there that's all. Uh if we hey that's. Yeah if we want to give it to the owners of the bar I understand.

I'm all for that. We can give them half. They can have a portion. A portion. It's not gonna cost them 500 gold pieces to clean this mess up. I say that we pocket the money and give them peace of mind that they no longer have to worry about this filth. Or that. I'm new here. I'm new here. Uh my moral ground my moral standing would be that we at least pay some portion of the bill. Especially if we want to get you know support from the town as we move forward with our coup. Um this seems like it'd be a good uh you know. The owners of the tavern seem like they'd have a lot of stroke with locals.

Alright that sounds like a good idea. It's a good for listening man. Yeah. We'll give them 30 gold. Give them 400. We don't need the money. You don't? Out of that 500 I mean unless we take all of it we don't really need like well we'll give them like 40 gold. Like Marcus likes periodic expensive nights of debauchery. Look how about this? How about this? There's five of us if we split it. There's five of us. We can split it five if we if we give them half then we each still get 50. I feel like that's generous for the amount of effort it's going to take to fix their bar.

I agree but we it's better than 400. I was just trying to. Well don't let Dan this is it's a common trick just start like really outlandish and then suddenly 250 sounds reasonable. Don't let him do that to you. I got 400. Okay 250. Oh wow what a deal. No we're giving him 100 and we're walking away with the rest of it 80 apiece for each of us. Okay. Why don't we just search the rest of the bodies we might find more gold. I'm assuming Blackhand was grabbing everything to get out right Jason? He started to pay his people. Whatever he had a value in the place I mean like yes he still had to pay his people yeah but it's not going to be it's going to be you know shekels here and there it's definitely not going to be.

All right. Okay yeah so 100 of them 400 for us 80 apiece that sounds reasonable. And that's that. That's the. I'm going to give them my 80 fuck it. I don't need the money. Oh wow. Good for you blessings on you. I'm going to buy a new robe. I'm going to pocket it because I just had a long journey with my minotaur friend. I'd like to intimidate the bartender and to give me Justin's 80. He comes in. Don't wake him up I sleep. I like to wait around so he walks in and there's a minotaur waiting at the bar surrounded by a pile of dead bodies. He's just fine. Hey bud I really want to talk to you.

Uh gentlemen that looks like that's probably going to be all we get to this evening. Damn it I want to go to the mayor. I want to go to the mayor too. Come on. I. You got to give me time to put that together because you just kind of decided that's what you want to do. Can we address one thing? Sure. Hey absolutely you guys want to wrap anything up? We have plenty of time here so I just want to address one. Um. Geward still has the book does anybody? Because you gave it to him. I didn't give it to him it fell into his hand. You're a dick. And I decided to keep it.

He decided to keep it and that's why I'm saying right now if any time would be the time to address that the new minotaur here has your book. He's a gentle giant I imagine he's staying with us because he arrived with you he had nothing else better to do. He is not attached to me at all he's just here because like you said he has nothing better to do. I'm saying. We gave him something better to do. Perhaps would you like to make him a part of your party? I mean that hasn't officially been done right now he's just kind of tagging along. We just assumed we just assumed he was your accessory.

I told you he's no he has no attachment on the way here. He's arm candy as well. It is racist against bull people. Alright well would you like to be a part of the group? The crew? Sure. This is the most laid back minotaur ever. Alright. And because he seems like such a cool guy and he's agreeing to be part of the group. We will explain to him what the whole point of the book is. Which is it involves a legendary hero and I think we're going to rob his crypt eventually but that's what you're in for. Okay that's cool because I can't read. Tom ladies and gentlemen.

Well played. That is the best payoff to a long joke ever. I just wanted the book to help me learn how to read you f***ers. Okay so let's rest up and we'll go barge the mayor tomorrow. How about we go home and then rest? Well of course. Oh boys you're such a stink. Well up on the bloody floor of the bar. Sweat here. I want to remind you guys that yeah it's probably a good idea to head back home being as hell. You headed out to the cemetery just before dawn and then this fight occurred. So you know dawn is approaching rapidly. Like the sun's rising so it's probably a good idea for you guys to head home.

I look at Thoril and I tease him that I'm going to cast some kind of sun spell at him. I think I'm going to cast Sunburst. Can vampires hide in the shade? Sunburst! Oh just kidding. Just kidding. Not doing Sunburst. Don't worry about it. Just kidding. Yeah Thoril pretty much always... Thoril calls him an asshole. Oh smite on dead. Oh oh oh. Nope. Not going to do it. That's another one. Yeah I know. Smite on dead. How would that work? I mean you're an undead character now. I mean I know that's targeted mostly at zombies and stuff but I mean... Okay okay. How about this?

It's radiant damage. So yeah that's still... Oh shit. So it's not like my Corrosive Rune or Flame Cyclone where it's like a blast of three and it hits each enemy. No no this is specifically one creature. So I could just attack him for no reason. The only one that would really affect him is the one that like... Let me fight it here. Hang on. You just got to worry about placement of it because that's radiant damage so he'd take a +5 automatically. And Sun's Glow. That's the big one. Because Sun's Glow I used on an object or an unoccupied square and it says the target sheds bright light that fills its space in squares within four feet of it.

The light lasts for one hour or until you use the power again or until I end the light as a free action. So that you know... If I wanted to keep him at bay I guess that would be... Ward off his advances? Yeah. And then I'll also... Soothing Light. I probably... Any light? I would say any light. I could use Soothing Light because it's not radiant. It just says... All it does is allow him to make a saving throw with a +2 bonus. Oh. So I could use that. That's not a problem. It's specifically the ones are Sunburst because that's radiant. Smite Undead because that's radiant.

Resurgent Sun because that's radiant. So those three and... They all say... They all just say... Radiant? One creature though. Rob, how would that... So would that affect him? I mean unless I targeted him? Well if you're not targeting him then no. Anything with a burst though that he's caught in, absolutely. Well I mean none of these are... Is the targeting language one creature in burst? No it just says one creature. Okay, what's the range on it? Um... Let's see here... Like does it say range? For Sunburst it's within five... No no no. It's just... Yeah they're not...

They're not... It's normal attacks. They're not like range attacks or anything like that. Okay. I mean if like... 'Cause here's the thing. You've got healing spells that like your healing word is like choose one creature within burst five or whatever. That's not affecting all the creatures in the burst. That's just using the burst to make the targeting something that doesn't provoke. So if it has an effect on creatures in the burst then yeah he would be a target. But if it says like only enemies then he's not a target in that case or... There's a whole bunch of ways the thing can be phrased to let him avoid it.

Yeah. Basically like the only one that it looks to me like would affect him would be Sun's Glow. Because that... All I do literally is make a area... Make four squares light up until I say "Okay stop now." Does it say like "as natural sunlight" or does it say... It says "The target sheds bright light that fills its space in squares within four squares of it." I think that may just count as light then. Yeah. It is divine. No it's divine. Right. But I mean it's more like a parlor trick. It's more like... It's like... Like lighting up a light bulb or something like that wouldn't cause him to go "Oh." I mean it's like it's called Sun's Glow.

It's a flowery name. Well that's for lighting up passageways and stuff. Like let's say you're in the pitch black and it's... Yeah. Okay I got you. I got you. Okay. Okay. So Tyler unless I decide to hurt you I'm not gonna be hurting you. Guys he's an older brother. It'd be funny as hell to be walking down a dark passageway and he's like "Okay guys I'm gonna be like a... What the fuck is it? Like a glow stick?" And he just like cracked his knuckles and he lights up. Yeah. A little flinch. Oh wait wait wait wait wait. Let me see. No. Yeah we're still good. Okay yeah.

Unless I decide to attack you. So we're good. We're good. Okay. If Dan's done reading every power he's ever come across then I think that's a pretty good time for us to wrap things up for the evening. It lets Tom dip his toes into it without getting bogged down with a nice six hour session or whatever we normally do. Five six hours. I'm gonna tell you. Go ahead. This session length was actually in my opinion pretty much perfect. Like when we go longer than four hours I tend to get a little game fatigue at a certain point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well I'm gonna tell you guys the next time we sit down we're gonna do the mayor stuff.

Okay. Or the priest stuff whatever you want to call it. And you guys are gonna start dipping your toes into a much larger adventure. Yeah. Sweet. Yay. So just letting you guys know. I didn't say. Oh go ahead Rob. I was just gonna say Tom what'd you think? It was fine man. Looking forward to the next one. You enjoyed it? Yeah. I'm gonna come up and say this. Most enthusiasm you're gonna get out of Tom. Yeah. That's pretty low-key. I'm gonna say this. This I think was probably our best sit down since the vampire one? Yeah definitely since the vampire one because there was only one after that really.

Oh there were two right? We did two after that. No. Oh no because one got canceled. One got canceled. Yeah. I forgot about the one that got canceled. Because of Tyler. One that got away. Definitely the best since vampire. Possibly the best since we peed on the rope. I wanna say something though. Tyler thank you for hanging out with us even though you didn't get like any sleep before this. And you had to go to work soon. I'm gonna try to get a nap before work. You sound dead. Okay. I've been laying in bed half the time which is why it takes me a second to do my...

It always takes you a second. We're used to that. Oh man go get the job done. But then again I'm usually laying in bed when my turn comes around. That's what happens. If your turn isn't fucking... isn't preceded by the patented Tyler sigh then I don't know what to do. Like I... Something's wrong and we had to get him help. It was nice to have a session where we had a full crew, we had something to follow, everyone was getting into the story stuff, we had some cool action moments and we got to end on kind of our own terms. The story. That's what got me through.

Well it's good that I wanted to see if everyone would show up and I wanted to see if everything worked and everything. Now that I know that that's the case then next week we'll start on a bigger thing. Excelsior. Two weeks. Excelsior indeed. Yeah two weeks. Not next Sunday but the Sunday after that is fine by me.