OverDale days and WinterHaven Knights

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Alright, I think we're all ready to go here guys. I think everything should be loaded up. I'm still size medium. That's weird. You are a medium. You are a medium. You're just dense, that's all. Like you weigh a s***. It's the same thing with like, Yenward. I should have made it across that bridge. What's a good thing you didn't try? [laughter] You weigh 700 pounds.

Let's not revisit this. [laughter] Who's who? He's waiting for Dan to start muttering swear words. I'm a steth, that's it. I'm a minotaur. [laughter] He's very soft. So here's what we're going to do. That pond right now. Looking like he's sulking. Just pissed. Uh, Jason, are we doing introductions at the beginning of this? We can cover that base and get the introductions in for the cast at the same time. I was just going to say that. Great minds. That is an excellent idea, Bandana. Right, fires. [laughter] If we say it enough, it's true. Maybe I should probably start using my catchphrase on this show.

Hey! Weren't you the co-host of the hit show What Would You Do? Well, now that you bring it up. I thought he was in the fourth season of all that. He was also in the last season of You Can't Do That on Television. I was the stunt double for Kel from Kenan & Young. I thought he was the inspiration behind Good Burger. There's no way Rob's old enough to have been on You Can't Do That on Television. You were the kid in My Brother and Me. Remember that? Like Alanis Morissette was on You Can't Do That on Television. He was one of the kids on Mr. Wizard, if you ever watch that.

Why did you say it like that? I looked up all the words. He was on Mr. Wizard, not... It's Canadian. Not Mrs. Like you really wanted to differentiate. Mr. Wizard, God damn it. [laughter] Shh. My Brother and Me. Okay, seriously, Pete and Pete, let's go. I had the first season of that on DVD. Wait, wait. Is it gonna be one of those nights where we get so completely goddamn... Yeah, sidetracked. 'Cause we're talking about how cool we are by saying I had the first and second season on LaserDisc. [laughter] People fear me. With that, I think that's a perfect intro.

For whatever the hell we're supposed to be doing tonight. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master. And we also got Rob. Hey, I'm Rob. I'll be playing Malchus Grimnus, the Tiefling Warlock. And Dan. I am Dan. I am playing Rodswell Joy Batam, the Human Warpriest. And Justin. I'm Justin. Yes, sir. I'm very sick. I'm the Sword Mage Jarek Ironhide. Ironhide. You always get one part of that name wrong. I have no sense. Ironhide, yes. Sword Mage Warforge. I'm Tom. I'm a Minotaur fighter. Striker. He's a fighter. You're a fighter. Just on bad looks, you're very striking. Oh. Thank you. [Laughter] And Tyler.

I'm Tyler. I'm playing Thoril Songsteel, a bitter vampire. And joining us for the first time, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jake White. That's right. That is right. I'm Jake White and I don't need two names. I'm going with Draconis. I'm a dragon guy. Dragonborn. That's what I'm going with. You're so excited. Yes, my pants are halfway off. I'm ready. Well, Rob and I are from St. Louis, but we're not allowed to wear pants at all. Oh, that works. Oh, man. I'm wearing track pants. I didn't get the memo. Well, you can rip them off though, right? The button-ups guy where you just pull them?

No, they got zippers. It takes work. It's just stripper pants. That's all. [Laughter] I'm picturing Rob in a full track suit, by the way. I just want to point that out. It's like, man, he fits. Gold chain. He sweats a lot during D&D. Like, he's really, he's really, you know. Just slippin' a martini in a track suit with an Adidas hat on, like a furry Adidas hat. Like, gold chain. Bad dana Rob. With that, I think we're about ready to go. Does everyone remember what happened last time or do you need me to catch you all up? Because it's been about three weeks or so.

I remember. I remember, but I think it's possible that maybe someone at home doesn't remember, so. Ooh, okay. We can do that. You good gentlemen left Overdale after an involuntary attempted assassination of their current mayor. Basically, you spent an hour in town. Five minutes of actual time, I think, in town, but you guys spent an hour debating what you should do after I still believe we should have taken his head off. What you said when you went in there was, "Oh man, I just want to talk." The more violent approach of killing him. So, you guys basically, uh, I gotta stop saying basically.

I say that too much on the show. Mm-hmm. Remember, say fuck every time you want to say basically. Yeah, no, I gotta stop saying it. Yeah, fuck and shit. You guys left Overdale shunned and in a hurry. Bewildered. You ended up near the swamps of Yemgarh, actually, and you had been there before to, well, I mean, you dealt with Tyler's vampires in the first time, but a byproduct of that is you saved a little girl named Brianna. You ended up saving her a second time as she was besieged by shadow demons, which were a product of her own mind. And you're still not sure how, uh, that's a man-made thing.

So someone did that to her, but you still haven't found out who would have done that or why or for what purpose. And that's pretty much where we left off last week. You defeated the, uh, the nightmare that, uh, you had manifested. You brought it out of her and kind of, it was in a field and you beat the holy shit out of it with little fanfare. And then the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man came in and that shit happened. They read our imagination and found our deepest fears. Oh, man, then we went to a dark place when it brought like a shadow of, uh, Duncan back.

Yes. Which again, you guys beat up with little fanfare. Like, there was very little in the way of like, "Oh no, how are we going to be..." "Kill it, kill it, kill it!" "Stab his fucking eyes." I thought there was going to be a bit more of a... Taking mercy on it? Not necessarily taking mercy on it, but it would be more of an ethical choice where you're like, "Nope, stab it." Like, there was not a hesitation among you or... Let's hold a little girl to death. Guys, we should think about this. Why are you stabbing his kidneys? So, is this the screen we're starting on here, Jason?

Uh, yeah, this is the... This is the leftover of last... Just for immersion purposes, maybe we should take the dragon off the screen for now. I put it on and didn't know how to take it off. I got it. He just walks into frame like... Hey guys, I'm a dragon. Dragon? There. If that helps. There was a poster with little pull-off phone numbers that said to come here, join an adventure... You guys got free guitar lessons? We're babysitter. Any ideas? I think the reason that the Duncan thing gets a little fair is because we all kind of was like, "Uh, Malchus? Rodswell?" "That's not Duncan." "Okay, good, let's stab it." That's true, that is true.

It's just happened. It's just, uh, what should we do? "Well, that's not Duncan. That's a manifestation of Duncan." "Okay, good, we're gonna kill it." I like how you turned to us like, "Is that him?" And we're like, "Nah." And they're like, "Okay." That's good. Kick the crap out of him. Okay. We're gonna stab this thing, right? Okay, we're good. So, a few days have passed, and you guys have been... Still standing here. Yes, and people are just walking by, and Tyler burst into flames days ago. No one has bothered to... No. You guys have basically hung out to repair damage.

The fires, of course, need to be put out that first night, and then it's... You help fix up a couple of the local houses, and you have basically... Damn it! Now I'm overthinking it, and I'm gonna do it. Alright, you guys, hold on, hold on, we're gonna fix this. Alright, viewers at home, listeners at home, rather, if you are in a place where you don't need to drive anymore for the day, we're gonna play drinking. Every time Jason says "basically," you gotta do a shot, and Jason, if you don't want dead listeners... You know what you have to control, alright?

Hey, we should all scream or do catcalls when we hear that. Because that won't grind the show to a halt. This is the dozen manacles for you and Danny. Okay, okay, we're being played, though. Okay, I promise not to do that again. No, no, it's okay. It's funnier if you do do that. I'm trying not to, because I'm trying to get this on the road. Alright, yeah, let's hit it. Come on. Jason, do you actually want us to call you out on it, or do you want us to shut up? Um, I wanna not do it anymore. You said to call you out, but I can see where that'd be distracting if we keep doing that.

Well, call out like, oh, basically, but not like a ten minute rant every time I do it. But like, I'm trying to not do that at all. It's like fucking Pee-Wee Herman's, like, secret word. Oh, shut up! The secret word is always "basically." If you go back and listen to these shows, like, I don't know why it's a nervous habit I do it, and I don't know why. It replaces an "um." It does! It just has. So, anyway, you guys have hung out for a few days, you've been sleeping during the day. Martin's been kind enough to, Martin again was Brianna's father. She's made a full recovery, so she's been up and about, you know, despite a couple of cuts and bruises here and there, like, she's fine.

So, she has been just hanging out with you guys, making sure she's safe, and you've been kind enough to help them rebuild some stuff in town, and other than that, you're kind of just hiding out. You have yet to discuss what you would actually like to do, so he's hung up large furs and stuff over the windows, so there's no threat of any sunlight. You guys are basically nocturnal at this point. Basically. Thank you. You guys, yeah. Ow! It's the job of the fifth one to say "ow." The job of the last one, it's their duty. There's got to be, like, a moment's pause, and then "ow!" Like, this is every time.

Kelly Bundy walked in. If I'm the Kelly Bundy of this podcast, we have problems. I always thought Tom was the Kelly Bundy of this podcast. Yeah, Tom's the Kelly Bundy. Tom is definitely the... He's the Triton one. Thanks, man. Allison. I don't know, Jake may be here to be Triton Allison. So, you guys sleep during the day, you're up at night. Would you guys like to have a discussion on what your actual plan is? Because right now, you're a couple hours outside of Overdale. There are two major settlements, and that's Winterhaven, that's further up north, and then there's Overdale.

And then in between that, there's a lot of small, like, hamlets and villages and things like that, but no major city-states beyond those two within walking distance. There's the closest ones. Yeah, the other ones are days and days away. Wasn't there a pole to dance on? Oh, no, that was more just like, "What do you think they should do?" That kind of thing. I only put that up an hour ago. If I had the sense to think of that... It's D&R active, we do exactly what you said. They're live-streaming this, not really. We could see what people actually want you to do, if you like.

Because it's only been up for like an hour, but there were votes, surprisingly. Let's see here. I mean, Malchus comes to the situation as, you know, guys... As much as Bree seems to be the target of something, we can't just stay here for the rest of our lives and guard her from any sinister force that might come after her. I say we go after that treasure that the book talks about. Okay, my question would be... Do we... Oh, this is Rodswell, in case you forgot. Do we want to go straight after the book, or do we want to set up shop somewhere first? You know what I mean?

Like, do we want to have a home base? Or are we just gonna be wanderers, traveling adventurers, not having anywhere to head back to? We can always set up shop after we accomplish the book thing, and by then we'll probably have a lot more involvement to make it a nice place. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm not putting that hard-earned money inside another place that we can just abandon. How much money do we have? Okay. Get a once-bitten-twice-shy reaction here. You guys did lose possessions and things. I mean, you left town without packing, basically. Oh, my cookware!

All your toughware, all of that is... Your money is yours. That's on you. No one usually leaves their money at home, something like that, so that's on you. But your money and any weapons are... I almost did it again... ...are what's on you, and then everything else that you would have had is still... Including the book? The book is on you. You were carrying that, because there was a large debate about who was carrying that. What about our adventurer's kits, or whatever? I would imagine they're still at the house, because you wouldn't have been. And I mean, the adventurer's kits is food rope, lanterns, torches, things like that.

We use the rope. But that's something easily... You could pick that up in any small town or something like that. And you did use the rope, that is true. You lost a large section of rope when Duncan plummeted to his death off that bridge. That Grady Simon Bish kept it. So should we stock up on supplies before we go on to something big? We should do that, yeah. I say we stick to the roads northward, and the first settlement we come to we resupply. But otherwise we do our best to make a beeline for the north. Is there anybody here that could help us out with that?

Since we've done such a great job helping out this town, maybe a little something something. Yeah, maybe they had some horses. Yeah, or some rope. They're walking like chumps. Well, this is basically a logging encampment. Basically. Keep thinking. No! Yes. Ow! Boy, for my own sanity I gotta stop doing that, because that's getting old already. Wait, wait, wait. I wonder if you look at all the episodes, every time you say "basically" can you put that to a letter? And what would that spell? What? Like, depending on what number it is, it's like "oh, four, there's D." You know, like, what would that spell?

Oh, it's a code. You're talking about some sort of... Yes, it's a code message. Basically. It says my letter. Yeah, it's spelled "I'm an asshole." That's what it spells. Be sure to drink your opal-teen. Alright. So, you guys have been staying during the day here. Right. Well, my question was, are there any supplies around town that we could... Well, I'm getting to that. Okay, sorry, I forgot. That's okay. We already called you. They have things that, like, they can lend you rope, you can take that from them and everything, but they're basically, they just... Damn it.

It's mostly just trapping small animals and logging things like that. That's how they make money. So they'll sell firewood or they'll sell building materials, things. So, it's not like a rich... Like, you've stayed here before and you actually gave them money, if you recall. So we can fill up our adventurer kit, though. That's the main... like, scraps of bread, torch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you can get a little food for the road and, you know, for travel. Which is basically, which is all the adventurer kits are used for anyway, is just traveling for the road and then torches for caves.

There's nothing in that that isn't easily replaceable. Okay, good. Because I think the standard adventurer kit is like five gold, something like that. Okay. It's cheap, yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cheap. In other words, we don't need to make a beeline for a settlement and immediately stock up on stuff. Like, we're okay. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like, they've given you things to eat and stuff. That's the least they could do for you helping them out. Like, you've saved this guy's daughter twice. He's deeply indebted to you, so... Good. Well, do you guys want to open this book?

Jake. Yes. What are you doing? Yeah. You know you're allowed to speak, right? I thought I was... Yeah, yeah. I thought I was waiting for you guys to... Well, yes, and that's going to be a few minutes. Like, your character can't speak, obviously, but yeah, we're not hardcore role players where it's like, "And don't you fuck..." You don't exist until we say you do. Hey, I was told if I draw a blue line, I was going to get my ass beat. Don't listen to him. He's an asshole. Wait, who said that? I didn't. I got mad when you drew penises everywhere. That's why... That was my problem.

Do we want to open the book, guys? Or do we just want to... Do we know where we're going? Yeah, let's crack it open. Do it. Come down. That's up to the Minotaur. I'll crack it open. Who's got the key? You guys... I think Malgus has the key. Yes. Okay, guys, now kiss. And then the book will open. That's how it is. Wonder Twins, power activate! Who would like to hold the book while you open it? I'm going to hold it. Oh, someone volunteered. Okay. Patel. Is that the sound of the book opening? The sound of my laser. I'm nervous of you. Okay, you guys are in Martin's house right now.

Oh, we gotta get inside the house, then. Yeah, it's almost dusk. So, you don't have to... It's almost dusk. Maybe since this is a magical book and we don't know what it does, we should open it outside his house. Just to avoid property damage. Fuck his house. I'm kidding. Let's get outside. Well, that's rude. You bet. I gotta say, uh, Yynward gave up on that really. Gentlemen. Sorry. We just spent a whole bunch of time repairing it. Well, not his house. You guys went outside to do the... Oh, never mind. But there were already fires and hounds that attacked and there was a lot of...

Oh, it's a ground-set campfire. Everybody move. I'm moving you. A bunch of devil dogs attacked us. It's a good thing I said it was dusk. Everybody, make a cross. Come on. You take the hexagonal key and you place it into the latch on the book. And you see the lock itself kind of close around the key like a flower closing up. Oh shit. And then the lock itself turns into a swastika. And you see where that guy truly was. This shit got real. And it's just full of Nazi gold. How is this? We should have used this. Now there's this whole ethical question. It's like, yeah, but do we want to have Nazi gold?

Who's gonna wear that sweet uniform? Where's JB? This is blood gold. I was gonna say, my character's Jewish. Just put that out there. I just want to let you guys know that. Well, out to your fillings, down for goings. [laughter] Wow. Finding a lot out about you guys. I don't think I want to do this show anymore. Okay. The lock turns clockwise. Yes. And the latch springs open. And now you are free to open the book and look into it. Wait, I was holding it for what reason? You were opening it. Someone had to hold it. Do I have all the power now? No. Where are the Nazi gold?

There is no Nazi gold. I thought you were just taking one for the team in case something really awful happened when we cracked it open. Where's my character over at the well? I don't know! That's why I handed it over. Focus, guys. Come on. Just one minute. Focus. Okay, okay. What language is this in? We need to open it. It is written in common. And the book looks to be in excellent condition when you open it. And that's completely due to the fact that there is a protection spell cast on the book. Which is one of the reasons for the lock. It's all pretty mystical barrier.

It also appears to be written in the first person by Drauk himself. Cool. It contains several chapters dedicated to him and how he'd grown up. Read it to us. The whole thing. Okay. Chapter one. Basically! He would say basically that time. I don't think. It wasn't me. It was the book. Oh, okay. How his parents were slaughtered in the Great War when he was a child. Little bitch. How the army that murdered his family took him in and trained him to be a part of their army. He rose to the ranks and became one of their greatest commanders. And then the book kind of stops describing him.

It doesn't talk about why he simply stopped and buried himself. Seemingly in his prime. He wasn't very old. It doesn't talk about any of that. After that there are several maps of the Northern lands. And a detailed description of the tomb's location. And how to get to it. So he buried himself alive? He buried himself alive, yes. That's pretty cool. He's like an overly manly man making his tomb. He created his own tomb and then buried himself alive. After writing this book. Let's go dig his ass up. I don't know. I'm suddenly less interested. Because this sounds like he was going mad or something.

You know what I'm saying? Who builds their own tomb and then buries themselves alive? Someone who is very troubled. And this guy was a living legend at the time. When I was telling you about this before there were people who would surrender on the battlefield when they saw this guy coming. It's like, well, just quicker this way. Go. Aim for the neck. So there are a couple ways we can... So you can look at this and go, well this is just ramblings of a madman. Or you can look at it like whatever he discovered or whatever he's going after here is so intense and crazy that it drove him to that point.

Which that sounds like something I'd be interested in pursuing. At this point Martin speaks up. Because this is some level 8 shit you guys are doing. It's like holy crap. He knows you won it in the tournament of champions because everyone knows that you won that in the tournament of champions. And he tells you guys that his father would tell him stories about Draak when he was a boy. And all the battles he had won and all the crazy stuff like, oh he fist fought a dragon once. That kind of stuff. And he would tell him legends about the book and how that was his last will and testament.

And that it supposedly helped guide you to a treasure of untold secrets. It's been said that he never fell ill in all his years of battle. He and his men were always at peak physical condition. They were always battle ready. They never needed aid or hardly ever needed rest. Kind of like me. But that could be exaggeration from years of retelling the stories or it could be complete fabrication. Just marketing speak. Right. The book is said to hold the location of his final resting place and a guide to anything that might be there. The only thing that Martin knows for sure is that it lies so far north that there are no settlements.

There's nothing alive up there that you'd want to meet basically. And that is basically it. Ow. We're really half-hearted about fixing this, aren't we? Jason made us feel bad. No, I want to fix it. Because I'll listen to this later and it's like, you dickhead. I'm mocking myself when I listen to it. But go ahead. And also I think we're all thinking here. I say let's go for worst case scenario. There's some, you know, grip in it. Right. Grip. What else do we have to do besides this? Yeah. Considering that we're like not really we don't really have a place right now.

It's as good a thing as anything to do. And, you know, untold secrets sounds, you know, pretty sweet deal if we live. Yeah. I thought you guys would run away from this. Oh. Why would you assume that? Adversity we have to face and I don't know if you guys are up to it. We might actually. We might take us the hardest out of everybody. Here's the difference. We might actually gain something from doing this. You bitch. You catty whore. Yes. So I say so like I was asking, we have we this book tells us how to get to where we're going, right? Yes. OK. There's detailed maps in the back of it where you can.

The dependencies. Yes. It leads past Winterhaven past like further north than you've ever been. And if you if you can get to the tomb's location, then it's further north than basically most living things would go. I know I said basically. You want to swing by Winterhaven on our way up there, though? Yeah, let's do it. Bitch. Check in. So you guys want to leave town here and make it's dusk so you could travel if you wanted to. Yeah, I said let's leave town. Let's make. Is everyone cool? Just seeing how we're perceived there. We have to anyway, so. You know, I mean, you could breeze past you.

But it would probably be a good idea anyway, because that's the last major city before days and days and days of travel. Yeah, let's do it. Let's head up to where it. Wait, wait. Malchus, you cool? Night in Winterhaven. I don't see why he wouldn't be. It's it seems like of all the things adventurers who are practically suicidal in their plans can do, it seems like the best thing we could do. OK, let's go. Maybe do a little shopping while we're up there. Yeah, sounds good. Why some nice outfits? Yeah, check out the outlet mall at Winterhaven. OK, we're headed.

We're going. I'm sorry, I was waiting for. I want to see what Justin's drawing here. It's it's an ugly ass sword. I say it's not a dick. It's a goodbye to the. Good for a giant sword. So you guys announced that you're going to be taking off and. I can't draw. He understands, but again, he's concerned for, you know, safety, he doesn't know why anybody would want to do something to her or what they'd have to gain by that. But just cast a protection spell on her. That is the thickest sword I've ever seen. Yeah, it's ugly, isn't it? Yeah. Who would do this? If I were to say, can I pretend to cast a projection spell just to make it feel good?

Is that all right? I guess. Yeah. I mean, like just probably know you're full of shit. But yeah, if you want to just do a roll of bluffs, roll a bluff if you want. No, I pay some money. I'm all the demon strike would money from my wallet. I am good. I'm a good bluff. I'll tell him this will only make him feel better like this isn't a thing where. What's my bluff? The vampire going to make him feel better. But plus only plus one plus six. I'm terrible children. What if I bless her with my God? Can I do that? Sure. Like, don't you know, it is basically it's all that is, is where people say now it's like spaced up.

My bluff is like 14, which we're trying. We're trying to make. We're trying to make Walter here. What's his name? Walter? No, you keep trying to rename him. His name is Martin Martin. You bought him Warren last night. We're trying to make Martin feel better about the fact that we're leaving. Really, singing that motion song, the one where you could choose leaving Ash Tom. I've seen this comes for the money. Is there anything we could do? Is there a way to have any idea? Because I do feel bad leaving them high and dry like this. How do we take them with us? Well, there's nothing actively going wrong with them right now, right?

I mean, we can't be expected to just like be, you know, five or six bodyguards for, you know, a poor logging village for the rest of our lives. I mean, come on. That's right. We'll just take them to Winterhaven. Should be OK. Now, would they want to go to a better place? They don't have to meet. This is their home. They're used to a certain climate and beyond the couple of incidents here, it's not like they're constantly under attack. They're not. I mean, that was like some huge stuff for them, like being attacked by shadow wolves and things like that. It's not really the area either.

It's that they're going after them. Yeah, you could probably convince them to to uproot. But I mean, I mean, I'll ask. No, but I think what he's saying is it's not going to help. Like whatever is attached debris is attached debris, whether they're closer to us or closer to other people in town. Rather than being able to defend. Yeah, I think guards and stuff. Yeah, man. Bring the problem to them. Now, what? We're an entire town. This does mean that we have two people that we have to protect in case of any battles or anything like that. You would basically turn the game into an escort mission.

Yeah. But only up to that point. Only up to what point? Winter Haven. Winter Haven. It's a trek. It's still like you're going on foot. It will be days of travel. Put her in my stomach. So always be with me. And there's no reason you can't come back and check on them. And I just want to make sure you understand. Yeah. Well, you know what? Should I roll for religion and bless her? Is that OK? Since I'm a priest. You're just if you're just like, oh, may the Lord bless and keep you, that kind of thing. You don't need to roll for that. I'll just I'll do that. It's basically what people do in real life anyway.

It doesn't necessarily do anything, but it's great for people's morale. So I'm doing that. Also, I have a question real quick concerning my character. Yes. Why am I negative one charisma? Because it's a character controlled by you. No, it wasn't. So did it go down or? Details, details. You have constitution and it seems like you are also wisdom. So I don't see where you have negative one charisma. Yeah, I'm eight, negative one. So the modifiers negative one. Yeah, the modifier. Yeah, because anything under 10, you get a negative. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, OK. Because charisma is not your bag.

Wisdom's your bag. I know. I just I just don't remember being negative one last time. That's why I didn't change it. I have negative one. You're with me, buddy. Sweet. Yeah. You're as sure the ropes of how to be a terrible person. You're as charismatic as that. As Mender over there. OK, so we've got a little bit of a. Well, another 10 goals. Take that. Well, I guess not another. This is the first 10 gold I'm throwing. Yes. That wasn't you before. Now. So and he thanks you and shakes all your hands. Brianna runs up to Malchus and hugs him. Weird. Oh, yeah. She she seems to really dig Malchus for some reason.

It smells like Malchus keeps doing the the tricks where he takes his horn. It looks like he's worn off his head, but he's really just using his thumb. How are you role playing Rob's character? You guys, this is a big deal for Malchus. He's like a horned hideous demon thing to have a child, to have a child. I think him redemptive or anything like that. No, Marcus. Marcus says, you know, take care, child. I promise I will be back someday. In 12 years. And marry you and take it. You will be my child bride. And this is where it goes creepy with my. With my army and Nazi gold.

No, but he's he says, you know, be well, child, and do what do what you must to say. Stay safe. And I promise I'll be back someday. She can't say Malchus, so she calls you Malchus. Oh, you're such a pedophile now. The most precious. Tell you by what you have to do, like come back and marry her and shit. That's great. That's that's you can't you can't condemn a guy for future crimes, right? I mean, that's later. That's what you what he's going to do. I said that that was a bright thing. Wasn't there a statute of limitations? What you say also. That's what I'm talking.

So you guys get ready and march off. And this is the first time you've seen Marcus with a smile on his face since Duncan died. Oh, that's the first time we saw you with a smile on your face since Duncan died. Then you start crying. And you guys take one of the very few heartwarming moments. We just take it. That's what you do. You know, you're in the interest of a moment in a game of sorrow. And we just make it weird. It's my own fault for trying to make a hallmark moment. Let's get it. It was adorable. I loved it. It's been 10 minutes. We haven't put our sword through anything.

Basically, basically, it's either our swords or our dicks. What do we put in something? Okay. You guys march off into the forest, sticking pretty close to the road. You march all evening and you are making base camp. Not gonna lie, when you said base camp, I thought that was going to be a basically. No, you were making a basically, basically, like I can't stop it anymore. He starts having a stroke. Somebody's stopping at the back of the head like Devon. You, you can. You guys are making base camp. I can't move my character. It's weird. Yeah, I took that away from you while you were having a.

Yeah, because I was trying to tell a story and you were drawing swords. So there, now you can move it again. I saw you log out and log back in. Yeah, I was trying to fix that so I can move and make that sword again. Little cowboy. You made me do that to you. Rise and rise. I can't harmonize with you anymore, Dan. Jason's gonna yell at me. King of the tent. You guys are out in. Shut up. Sorry, it's three amigos. You guys have made a small little, little base camp there. It's, it's coming up on dawn. You could just start to see kind of a rosy colored sky. So it's not quite dawn, but it's it's getting there.

And then you hear what sounds like a muffled female scream. Great. Is that you? I guess we didn't really convey how high pitched Inwards voice is. Because Rob's isn't, but man. Tom's. It's like fucking Mickey Mouse. Coming up the road. Who's this here? There's a caravan of guards and they're wearing Overdale colors, which is a silver, a silver backdrop with with red on the front of it. So that's that's you know that to be the Overdale colors right off the bat. Quick hide in the trees. Stranger danger. Now. Now, if we see them and they don't see us, we should stay in the tents because yeah, you guys, it's no fun for anyone murdering town guards.

They have two prisoners with them. One is a female tiefling who is bound in gag. And you can that that's that's that sounds like where the muffled screams are coming from. And the other one is quite a large dragonborn. But do you want to stay in the tents and run like little little cocksucker? Hey, Marcus, Poon tag. He's just going to say, well, interest, Marcus's horns kind of curl up excitedly. God, is that a thing tieflings do? No wonder no one likes you. It's kind of a problem. Begging strips. Very. We're playing truth or dare over here. They are OK. They are all on foot and behind them is a horse drawn wagon.

And that's usually like a like a wagon like that's usually reserved for someone who doesn't. They're above walking, basically. They don't need to they don't need to ride a horse. They don't need their being taken somewhere. And they're heading in the direction of Overdale right now. The tiefling female. She she screams again. And the guard closest to her shoves her and tells her to be quiet. She loses balance and falls forward and kind of lands in this this muddy puddle type of thing. She winces from the pain as all of them laugh. Shit, guys, I think I just figured this out.

They're going to make them fight. They're going to make them fight. The guard picks her back up and kind of puts her back in line as they march down the road towards Overdale. Is there any one of us who wasn't so conspicuous and overdale that we could ask them if these are criminals or something without starting a fight immediately? You were all the minutes or. You get the way this over, you have the last place that we escape from, right? Yeah. Being the mentor that was with us, that just say, oh, you think we all look alike, don't you? Malchus, remember when we found out what was who we were fighting?

There were just people trapped, enslaved and forced to fight. And they were all they were all I'm sorry. You and Duncan. Not me, obviously. Remember that thing I wasn't at that you guys told me about when we were on the road? What's your stories? Don't you don't you think that's probably what this is all about? Malchus just face pumps frustratedly and gathers his things to go out to the road. Yeah, let's do this. Fine. Let's let's fight. Hey, Jerry, get your wish. We were fighting cards. We want to make your robot ears turn. Oh, that's right. We should just pick up everything and just scream and run and tails between our legs, right?

We're sorry. Jesus Christ. Where's my Nazi gold? What would you guys like to do in this situation? Are you just running in swords up? I think we did. I got like plus twelve stealth. If there's a way to like pick someone off from the back first. You can take you can take the wagon and hold it hostage and we can trade. Oh, that's true. Malchus will go out. Malchus will go out without hiding. Malchus will go out to the edge of the road and see. That gives us our stealth away. Well, no, no, no. You guys can still be hidden. They could think Malchus is alone or something.

None of you have to come out. Yeah. I have a plus six diplomacy. Is there any chance that we could talk to letting them go? That's what I'm asking you. You guys want to talk or do you? Where do we start, though? I got a plus six diplomacy. What do we start? I have a plus six. Who has a high diplomacy? I have a seven. Seven? So, I mean, you can march right like you could march right into the road there. It's just a caravan going down the street. So starting from one, they're marching to the left. So here's what I'm thinking, Malchus. Well, yeah, we send Malchus out.

He'll go out first. We'll kind of hide. Not the robot. Well, listen, he has a plus seven diplomacy, so we can try to talk to him. If that don't work, we send in Thoril using his stealth powers and he can try to steal the caravan from behind him. I also have a plus nine intimidate. Okay, wait. I have no problem with everything up until you said steal the caravan. I don't think I was being serious. Okay. I'm not sure, but I don't think I was. I'll check with me, but I don't think I was being serious. Well, you got a plus seven thievery. That's what the guitar said to do.

So we can hold the caravan hostage and offer a tree. What else would a guitar say besides steal something? Okay, so let's see what Malchus can do here. Yeah, Malchus looks at those of you who want to stay back in stealth and says, if you hear me say the word blue, that means jump him. Just jump him. Now, quick question. Is Ironhide there with you or is he just moving his character again for no reason? Just checking. Just move towards the tree. Climb the tree. Slide through. So Malchus goes out to the edge of the road and he just kind of stands there to look like he's like a gawking yokel coming out to look at what's going on.

Just like. Okay. Because he wants to gauge their reactions before he says anything at all. So the caravan halts immediately upon seeing you and the one in front seems to have the most authority. Either he has the most authority or they deem him the most expendable. And he says, hey, Tiefling. So right off the bat, these are guards of Overdale. What are you doing in the road? Malchus, I'm going to make a bluff check right away. Malchus wants to look as basically he's got his magic rod tucked under his cloak and everything. And he basically looks, wants to look, you know, like, you know, innocent and like he's like a Tiefling yokel.

Like he's not, you know, he's not actually like an adventurer. He's just like, okay, so Malchus, Malchus, just like when he says Tiefling, Malchus just like twitches and looks shocked. And he's like, he's like, oh, oh, you mean you mean me? And he, so that's the bluff check. 21. Oh, that's great. Yeah. Are we all decked out in our gear? Yes. But I mean, his gear is robes and stuff. Like it's not like he's wearing full armor. It's not like he's a spellcaster. So they, yeah, they like, come here a minute. They don't deem you a threat at all. Malchus kind of looks back and forth timidly and then kind of comes, comes up to him.

Sure. Where do you live? What town are you from? Oh, I just, I just hunt out here in the, out here in the woods sometimes. So I'm out of, I'm out of town for a few days, but I'm from, and he mentions the town that Bree and them are from. Okay. Why don't you get, why don't you get in line over here? Because we're rounding up any, any, anyone who isn't human for questioning an overdo. And at that point, the, the female tiefling in the back, her eyes kind of go wide again. Her and the dragonborn both bound and gagged, hands in front of them tied together and her eyes kind of go wide.

And she starts to motion at a line when the, the last guard in the back kind of grabs her by the back of her robes and jerks her tough, like back at a line. And that's when he makes eye contact with you, Malchus in the front. And he says, Hey, that's one of them. And he has a scroll that he produces from, from his sack and runs up to one of the other guards. And it's, it's a scroll just full of wanted posters. Okay. Malchus says, no. Okay. Malchus. I've already got my stealth roll ready. Yeah. I have a question real quick about this. Could, could, could we have Thoril right now jump up and kind of get the two prisoners out while there's no guard behind him?

Well, there's still the wagon right behind it. Oh, that's right. Okay. There's no wagon token. Okay. I forgot about the wagon. They're like caged and bound and gagged. So like that's one hell of a roll. Well, they're on foot. Yeah, they're on foot. They're not caged. Okay. Well, they are tied together bound and gagged. But yeah, it would take a few seconds. Like there's definitely, yeah. Okay. Um, go ahead. Sorry. Sorry, Malchus. Go ahead. Malchus. So as he's bringing the scrolls up, Malchus just kind of face palms again and he goes, Oh no, not this again. I get this all the time.

Look, I happen to look kind of like a guy from a place. I don't even know what he's all about, but he's all over the place on the wanted posters. I, Oh, this, this is, this has been a constant problem. I'm bluffing again. Okay. 34. You are so convincing. Can I marry you? The problem is never have a tiefling draw these posters. And of course, you know, every, every human draws all tieflings the same big menacing horns. So, uh, he holds up the, uh, the, uh, uh, guard number six of the last guard, hands it to guard number one. And he kind of, he does that thing where he's holding up the scroll and he's, he's kind of looking back and forth.

He's like, I don't know. I kind of see it in the forehead region. And Malchus goes, no, no, no. You see, he, he looks completely different from me after all his eyes are blue. Okay. Okay. Uh, are you traveling with anyone? I said blue, so I assume everybody starts shooting. I told them the code word was blue to get the draw. I didn't know if anyone would pick up on that. I did, but I didn't, I didn't see the reason. What happened to all stealth idea? Okay. Yeah. I got a 27 stealth as a matter at this point. Well, I guess we're not doing stealth. I thought you guys want to fire your ranged weapons from your hiding spots or something?

What ranged weapons? Do you have nails and guns? Here's what we said. You would distract them. And if things went poorly, you would say blue. And then as soon as you said blue, we were supposed to have Tyler run in from behind and try to take one out before we went after him totally. Find the bluff! I was, I was, I know that was the holy shit button where everyone comes running out. Is there a reset or is this happening? Did I get back in the tree? No, we're just going to go with it. So, okay. Okay, hold on. You guys are going to get my ass killed. Thanks. Appreciate it.

Before Jake gets to utter a word, his character dies. Did I run away? Did I wear his? Again, remember they're bound and gagged. So their mobility is pretty questionable right now, you know? The second she tried to run, she fell. And that was, you know, so, which is funny. Apparently I misinterpreted these guards. I thought they weren't buying. So I was like, well, I better not get shanked before combat starts. Okay. Instantly when they, when the guards see that people are just running out of the trees and they're everywhere. Guard number six runs back to his post and bangs on the door of the caravan.

And says, the vampire's here. And the rest. How about you think they all look alike too? Well, once they see that everyone from those wanted posters is there in for it, it's like, and there's the Minotaur and there's this. Coincidence. It was coincidence with the tiefling. It's like, oh, that's just a coincidence. Then when it's like, and the miniature and the vampire and the robot and fuck, they're all here. Like since Marcus was doing so good a job of bluffing. Do they think he's just some yokel who happened to come upon the rest of the party? They did until people come streaming out of the trees.

That's they were going to go. The yokel, the yokel thing was working. I don't know why all of a sudden he said blue. It's just like, what the fuck? They were like, okay, yeah, I kind of see it, but I see what you're. Panicked and hit him with a lamp. I thought what you were saying was, I don't know. I'm not buying it. So I was like, well, better not get stabbed. All right. I want you guys to roll for initiative. Jake. Yep. Your initiative. Let's see here where it is. Okay. It's a d20 plus four. Where do I find my initiative again? Yours is d20 plus two. I've got a super low initiative.

So I'm going to run to the restroom. I'll be right back. Okay. And then just give me yours one by one. 21. 22. 13. Okay. Hold on. Tom, you said yours is 22. 21. Yes. Good. Good. Mine's 22. 22. Hey guys, Rob's gone. What a fuck hole, right? It's a panic button. So simple. Just so easily. Hit him with a lamp line. I was totally about to make a move too. He was right there, man. An hour of talk and he was just, he was right there. Can we talk about the color of his skin also? Robin, really? We could have easily taken one out before all of a sudden he said, "Boo!" There was just massive confusion about what blue meant.

We just got out there screaming, every one of us. He's sweet talking him and everything's green. He's like, "Yeah, hot. Just barbarians." The best part is we just stay in there too. It's just like, "Ahh!" From the outside of getting away, it's like, "No, they're rounding up people like freaks." We looked at the roll and he rolled a 34 and you're like, "Oh, well, I guess he's got it then." And he's blue! And it's like, "Okay, shit!" He said the word, so... Everybody come out screaming. Josh, could you roll initiative? Oh, shit all seven. How about that? I'm last.

No, Rob's last. Well, we still gotta add all these guys today. This sucks. Can we do like a smash and grab and just grab the prisoners and run away? They are tied. They're tied up. I'm like seven foot tall and 400 pounds. You don't have a chance anymore. We have like the stealth possibility, but blue! Blue. Swan's out. They can outrun some guards. They have horses though. That's not the thing about us outrunning them. Oh, shit! We can use a carriage. Can we steal the carriage after we kill them? Yeah, we'll steal it. I don't see why not. It's large enough for about four people comfortably, but you could probably squeeze in five or six people.

Well, the minotaur can lead the carriage. Yeah, that's racist, but okay. I'm okay with it though. He's just way stronger than us, that's why. Like every time there's some to be carried, it's always Tom. I rode him into town, Jason! It's because he's so okay with it. He's like, "Yeah, that sounds cool." Yeah, I'm getting used to it. It's fine. It's better than the guard in a dungeon. Exactly. So the guard in the back there had pounded on the door of the caravan. And once they see everybody, it's like, "Oh, the vampire's here!" But he specifically said, "The vampire's here." As if he's going to be right next to you.

Yeah, you moved your character. You weren't standing there, and then you moved down the line a bit. But that's okay. Because you're going to regret that, I think. Oh yeah, there's going to be people coming in. No, there isn't. A female with long dark hair climbs out of the caravan. Ow! That sounded like pain. Ow! Boner's hurt. She is carrying a crossbow. Oh, shit. She's a vampire hunter. She is a vampire hunter. Is that a earbud? She's being escorted to Overdale for a very specific purpose, it would seem. Gee, I wonder what that could be. I think this was a trap.

You were... you had to wake up! You guys were doing fine! They're trying to get us out! Come on, dude! I'm never going to live this blue and sit down, Anna. No, you're not! We spent 15 minutes talking about it while you were peeing. I don't think... again, though, I don't think it was his fault that he said "blue." I think it was a misunderstanding of what the word "blue" meant. That's all. No, it's his fault. He was doing fine. Overdale guard... Love you, Rob. Love you, man. Overdale guard shifts one square and sidles right up next to Rodswell. And he's going to use his longsword attack.

This is the conga line of death, is what this is. Boom boom boom boom boom. He's got any rolls of 15, so that's going to miss. That's a good first roll. Good first roll tonight. Let's see here. Next up is Overdale guard one. He's going to take a swipe at... Actually, he's going to just shift one square and take a stab at Malkus. And that is... same thing. 30! Yeah, I think that'll do it. That'll probably hit. That's eight damage. So I got that. Sorry, that was nine by mistake. There we go. Next up is Overdale guard five. And he is going to... He's going to move one, two, three... ...four, five.

And he's going to take a swing at Rodswell. Oh, 17. AC? Yeah. Nope. And that'll bring up Thoril. Well, I'm going to go after the vampire hunter bitch then. Okay, so she steps right out of the caravan and she is standing behind the last guard, kind of catty cornered to you. But I could still hit her. Yeah, you're right there. Alright, well, you know what? I'm going to use... ...one of my encounter powers. Feral Assault. Let's see, a d20 plus eight. This is just pure damage if I hit. And I didn't. So, uh... So you swing at her with one of your clawed gauntlets and she just expertly dodges it.

This is going to kill you, dude. This is not going to be good. I like how you charge an onyx with a Pikachu. Ran my head into it and did nothing. There's a lot of Pokemon references on this show. Do you want to move? I can. You can shift. We can get the hell out of there. I'll shift this way. You get away from the stake-wielding vampire hunter? Just a little bit. And you lost her. Shifted one square, she's lost you. If you close your eyes she can't find you. Yenward, your turn. I'm going to move right here. I'm going to cleave number two. You will have to take an attack of opportunity if you move past those guys.

Why? Because if you're adjacent to somebody you can shift one space, but if you try and move any more than that, then they get... I mean, you can still move there, but they get to get a free attack on you. Well, I'll just go back to where I was and hit them there. What's his speed? What's his movement? Yenward? Like six? Five? Six? Something like that? Let me see. Like five. Yeah. I think it is five. So yes, I rolled a thirty. Or number two. You caught him. Yeah, you caught him good. What were you hitting? What were you swinging with? Cleave. Cleave? Okay, yeah. He is professionally fucked.

Congratulations. Oh, I didn't do it. I have to roll damage. Yep. Whoops. Okay. One D time plus seven. Ten. Ten damage. He is dead. Yes. Damn. Space shit. Now, do you want to shift or anything or are you good right there? I'm good. Okay. Overdo guard number six. Yeah, I'll just be over here getting my ass kicked. That's... You went over there? We didn't... I don't... You were doing stealth. No, it just blew. Yeah, but you ran it. This is a harsh lesson and maybe you shouldn't streak up to the first thing that catches your eye. The thing that is supposed to be hunting you down.

Vampire Hunter. Well, you didn't know it was a Vampire Hunter until you was anything in there. You don't go to the box that is a mystery box. Let's just do this fan house. Overdo guard six. It's going to take a swing at Thorl. Twenty-three. Damn it. I'm guessing that will hit. That's an eight. Alright. And next up, Draconis. Now... So I get to fight now? Well, okay. You're still bound and gagged. But you can move. I can move. Okay. You can move. Can he throw a saving throw to get unbounded? Yeah. That would be the end of his turn. Gotcha. So you can either run up to an ally, and as a minor action they can cut you free.

Or you can... Your max movement speed right now is three. He's right next to Tyler. Can Tyler just do it? I was about to say, I was going to go with the vampire to get dead guy right here. Yeah, you can totally do that. Might as well do something before he dies. On Tyler's turn, it would have to be Tyler's turn when he cuts you open. Oh, okay. But you can totally roll a saving throw now if you want to just move a bit. Rip that shit. Alright, how do I do that? Where do I go? Well, decide where you want to move, and then just click your character and drag it. Well, if you stay there, I can get to you on my next turn.

Really now? Well, yeah, but he can still burn the action to try to free himself. Yeah, you can do that right now. Gotcha. Alright, so you said three is my... Movement, yeah. Movement, gotcha. For right now, yeah. 'Cause you're a little bound up. I'm gonna go over here. Right next to that guy. Right next to that guy. Okay. I'm gonna stay right next to him. With your first act of freedom, you move right back to your actor. Wait, I gotta see if I get free first, right? See if I move there? Yeah, well, you moved it, that's fine. You just kind of wiggle over there real quick.

But right now, roll a saving throw as a d20 and see if you can... He just hops over there. Three, got it. No. Jesus. Almost a crit. Almost a crit. Ugh. Uh, Rottswell, your turn. Oh boy. Okay, uh, I'm going to... Almost a crit in the wrong direction. Uh, I don't think I really need to move. I mean, if I move out, I'm gonna get attacked, right? Like, there's no where. You can shift out one, but you can't... You can't just, like, run. I mean, you can, but you'll take opportunity to attack. Right. So we'll go after Overdale Guard number five, I'm using Blessings of Battle.

That is a d20 plus 12. Roll 21 versus AC. Uh, against which one? AC. I mean, which one? Five. Oh, uh, five. Five. Uh, yeah, that'll hit. Okay. And... One d8 plus six... 13. That'll kill him. He's dead. Forever. So dead. Uh, do you want to move or anything, or are you good? Yeah, oh, am I, I'm gonna... Oh, I can't, if, but I'm gonna get attacked, right? You can shift one. You can shift. I'm cool, because the only way, the only place I'd move is down to cut him free, but I can't do that, so I'm good. Okay. Overdell Guard 4 sees that, uh, Draconis is making a run for it.

Hey, you're gone. And, and... I'm getting ready to fuck this guy up, but, I mean... What's this wiggling dragon doing in front of him? Uh, so he's gonna, he's gonna just use his longsword attack. Uh, 15. And that's your AC. Oh, I should probably tell you where to find all that stuff. Yeah, I got 17 AC over here. Okay, good, so that misses. Really? That's right. Right on. Tied up and you still dodged all the swords? Yep. Which means that guard is that bad. Uh, and... Jeradon, hide, your turn. I'm gonna run right over here. I use my minor action to cut his face. Oh! Cut his pretty face.

So you're using your minor action to free Draconis? Yes. So with a quick sword swipe, bam, his hands are free and he can take off his own gag and everything. So he can cast spells, he can do all the stuff that, you know... A grown, a robo-boy can do. Um... Oh, real quick, sorry, sorry, real quick. Um, I, I, I... With my last attack I was supposed to give, uh... Oh wait, nevermind, nevermind, sorry. Go ahead. I was reading the wrong attack. I thought I had an extra thing on there, but I don't, so go ahead. Okay. Uh, and Justin, your turn. God damn it, who did that?

Me. I'm sorry, I thought you were just fucking around. No, I never fuck around. I'm gonna use the, uh, flameside clone on that area. Okay. And I'm gonna do it right now. This is number four. Pah-chow. That's a hit. Uh, number four, that's a hit. Number eight. Pah-chow. That's a hit. Uh, number four and three, okay. Okay, then I'm gonna have to put eight. Alright, so this is for number one. Number four, and then number, ooh shit, that's a crit. Well no, you just roll damage and that's the damage it does. Oh, the nine damage that's what it does? Yeah, they're both dead.

Oh man. Boom, both dead. Killed two guys. Uh, you done? Yeah. Let's move, and minor, and everything, so. MALCHUS! Okay, um... Well shoot, these guys are kinda delicate, huh? Um... I have a question. Where's the vampire hunter on the initiative? She has to give it up. Uh, I'm sure she'll show up right after all this. Okay. Yeah, she's not on here. Yeah, I'll just add her to the bottom, it's cool. Uh, I'll just, if you guys are- Thank you for reminding me, Tom. You're welcome. I didn't want the world to get away without getting hit. Oh, thank you. Oh, I get that. Yeah, you guys get to deal with all the wimpy ass guards, I got the one who's actively hunting mine. 'Cause you attacked her first!

You didn't have to do that! You keep selling for sale, Tom. Yeah, let's see, I'm just gonna diplomacy check the vampire hunter. No, you can go up to the guards first, that's what I'm saying, you didn't have to run to the boss, you can go through the rest of the level. Well I kinda wanna hurt the boss 'cause I knew that the fucking guards were jealous of the shit. Yeah, well stop complaining about it, you did it, we didn't do it. What? Stop yelling, dude. Alright, does 24 hit the guard in front of me? It absolutely does. Does it kill him outright? Yes. Okay, lovely.

You can roll damage though if you wanna feel like a big man. Oh no, no I'm over it. What'd I do, you said, is Draconis free yet? Yes. Okay, is the tiefling free? No. No, who cares. Okay. So Malchus is gonna go one, two, three, four, five, six, just enough, and uses minor action to free her. Okay, so she's free. Now you can't do anything. Well no buddy, I killed something this turn, I pulled my weight. Why don't you touch me? How many did you kill in one turn? Let's not, hey, who's counting? We're all against each other, don't you know? That's a good composition.

So, in the first round you guys have annihilated most of these town guards. Yeah. So there's a pretty substantial pile of dead bodies here and the only people left are the guard that was dead last in line, the one that had all the wanted posters, and the vampire huntress. Tiefling prisoner? She is going to shift one. Oh, is she armed? She's not armed, but actually she's gonna make a run for it. Later. So she's going to try to run this way. Malchus goes, "No! I love... Go back." And the guard in the back is going to take an opportunity attack. Don't they both get one?

No! Oh my gosh, she's so bad at this. 17 will hit. So she gets stabbed in the back as she's running and she dies. Ow! Oh man. Is this like the emotional torment Malchus session? Hey, you said blue. You brought this on yourself. I started to feel like a real person today when I stopped that hug from that small child, but now I've left a pile of dead bodies in my wake and for what? My love, the one... We're just going to have more drinking scenes. Well, she's not dead. She's just down, right? She's dead. Well, all right. She was stabbed in the back. I was going to have her do some sort of just fist attack, something like that, but Rob's right.

She was unarmed and the first thing she would probably do, yeah. Hey, does this make the vampire want to drink dead blood or something? I don't know. Well, they're not bloody dead is the actual term. And that'll bring us to Liara, the vampire hunter. Yeah, can we just get the vampire hunter so I can see how hard I get hit? Now, see, that's a negative attitude to take. That's... We don't know. Uh, she is going to... Shot the world. One, two, three, four... Oh, shit, there's more map. Five. Is she running away? Look at this fucking... She's probably got a really good ranged attack is probably what it is.

No, she doesn't... No, here's what it is. Give a shit. She saw everyone else die. She's a hired gun. She doesn't care. She's got a patch over her eye. She knows what she's doing. She's going to use Bullseye Bolt on Thor. Yep, you're dead. Is she light-handed? Uh, thirty-two. God damn! Who's getting shot? Uh, Thor. Who do you think? Uh, that's a 3d8 plus ten. Fuck him up. Who do you think the vampire hunter is shooting? Oh, Jesus Christ, calm down. I'll heal you. Uh, twenty-four damage. Oh, yay. I'll just take care of that for you. Guys, you don't want me to heal them. I'm thinking about not healing them.

What are you guys... This is a lie. Can you revive the dead chick? You are... Yeah, maybe instead of healing Thor, I'm going to try to bring her back to life. This is where this logic fails. You guys, it's Jake's first day and we're really not presenting a professional organization. Alright, so... Thor, your turn. I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm going to try to bring her back to life.

I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm going to try to bring her back to life. I'm taking her back a little bit. I'm going to move to 3, 4, 5. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word.

I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word.

I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word.

I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word.

I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I rolled a 21 out of a possible 28 and still didn't hit. That's why it's only a regular attack and not a daily attack. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word.

I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to use a minor action to cast healing word. I'm going to put it right here. I guess I first need to roll to make sure this thing happens. I have to roll to... From what I understand, it's something that just is. Like his ghost whisper thing. I would have been a wizard but I took an arrow in the knee. My age is timeless. Where are you summoning this? In the center. When the sphere appears it immediately makes the following attack. While the sphere persists you can use a standard action to command it to make the attack.

I need to roll d20+8. You can only attack one of them. Any one of them standing there on their turn will get attacked. You should try to attack one because you have combat advantage. Does the thing get combat advantage? It's attacking someone in the middle of two. So d20+10. Because of combat advantage. 2d6+6. 3d6+6. At least you hit him. Your turn. I'm going to sidle up right here. I'm going to use brute strike which is a d20+12 vs ac. Shit. You get +2 because of combat advantage. It doesn't. Sorry. I walked away for a second. Giant spherical ball of flame. Awesome.

I have one more question. I can only try one of my black moves once a game. No that one move. But it's a new day. Wait a second. Is there a miss effect on it? I was just asking what the difference was. It's a game day which means we've already passed four days. I just used it. You can use the other one. If you want you can pop your action point and get another action. I can try one of your other dailies. You can use each one of those dailies once. I clicked it on brute strike. Then I'll try crack the shell. That is a d20+12. Crack that fucking shell. Come on baby.

That's a crit. That made up for that. That's 2d10+7. That's 27 damage. The target takes ongoing 5 damage and a -2 penalty to AC. He's taking 10 damage. My weapon says I can do this once a day. I can use necrotic power. They can take 5 damage until they roll a save. He's got 15 ongoing damage every turn. And a -2 penalty to AC. I really want my turn. He's got a lot of saving throws to throw on his turn. Let me take off 27. What's my caution thing? I'm prone. It's called his number 3 turn. Your sphere. Does that turn? You counter meeting the position. Any creature that starts its turn.

Roll a d4. 6 is your intelligence modifier. He takes 7 damage. He's going to shift away. That's going to be his turn. Roll another d4. He's free after that. Another 7. Crit. Pass. He's going to roll away. Rottswell, your turn. I get up. I can't do anything else. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to get up. You are up. I'm going to use healing word again. On Thorl. Roll a d6. That's 5. Roll a d6. That's 5. Can I shift and then attack? You used your move to stand up. I don't have any ranged attacks. Thorl, you're no longer bloody. Just letting Thorl know he's no longer bloody.

I don't have any ranged attacks. I'm going to spend an action point. I'm going to go here. Now, I'm going to use one of my dailies. It's a minor action. It's called Shield of Faith. It's a close burst 5. Everyone within 5 of me gets a +2 power bonus to AC until the end of the encounter. That's all of your teammates. That's all of my teammates. I'll get +2 now until the end of the encounter. Not the end of the encounter. A +2 power bonus to AC. All of your ACs go up by +2. Remember that. Now, I'm also going to use another dailie. It is called Inspire Fervor. I've been waiting for this.

I hope this works. I'm going to clear 20 + 14 I really hope this does well. 31! That hits, right? You're aiming at Telraz, obviously. I get 2d8 + 6. We'll roll that first. Then I'll explain to you what this does. It's 14 damage. Each ally within 2 squares of me can shift up to 2 squares as a free action. Any ally who ends the shift adjacent to a target can make a melee basic attack against it as a free action. Since they don't have to shift, they're near the target. That means they can still attack, correct? That means that both Yinward and Malkus get a melee basic attack against Telraz.

And they get the +2. Plus they get their combat advantage. That's going to be +4 on AC. Mm-hmm. +2 is 3d2 squares. Well, they get a +2 to their AC. Yeah, but they get the +2 that I put on there. And they get +2 for combat advantage. Right, right. They get a +2 to combat advantage. AC is their defense. Oh, yeah, okay, sorry. Yes, you're right. So, both Yinward and Malkus go ahead and make a melee basic attack against Telraz. Malkus? These are in fucking place. Make it as big. I got 27. Oh, no. 31 will hit. Now roll damage for that. What's your basic? Okay. Just get ready to start shaving off points.

The entire combat, I've just... I've just had that fiddling with any cock music in my head. That techno beat. Just trying to knock this big guy down. All right. So that's it, Rotswell, right? Yes, I'm done. It's Telraz's turn. Yes. And he does take 15 damage. Take the damage, all the damage off from the last one too? Yes. Motherfuckers not bloody? Shit. He is a tough son of a bitch. He is absolutely infuriated. He's just seeing red. I imagine. He looks at Yinward. And this is the first time he's had a chance to speak since this entire fight started. Motherfucker! He goes, "Bitch!" And he says, "You disgusting runt!

You would betray your own kind for these?" And he just motions across the battlefield. And then he takes his oversized greataxe. Oh shit! I'm screwed. And he's using Blade Sweep. He's going to spin in a complete 360. Oh no! We have a priest. I should have shifted back, huh? Yeah. And he's going to swing Yinward first. 13. That's a crit miss. Now Rodswell. 13 crit miss. Crit miss? Malchus. 30. So what happens with those two crit misses though? He does take 10 radiant damage for swinging at me because of my Emerald Shield. Oh my god, you're just messing with me. We are raving.

That's 25 damage on his own turn. And then he has to do three different saving throws just to make sure nothing happened next time. Yeah, so, okay, the damage for that is... 46 plus 5. That's a legend. Bring it. 20 damage. What a joke. That fucking hurts though. Mind you please. But he screwed. Now I'm going to start rolling saving throws. This one's for lightning. 2. That failed that. This one's for necrotic. 12. I passed that. And this one's for whatever the other one was. 5. So I'm still taking 10 to turn. Okay. Next, I'm trying to blaze through this. Ironhide, your turn.

Alright, I'm going to shift towards the vampire. I'm going to use Whirling Blade on Talcum. What was his name? Tellross. Talcum. Because he always dusts his enemies. 16. I missed. 16. That's it. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. It's coming right back at 1. Okay. And that fucking crits. How much damage? 36. That'll just kill him. Fuck. Nice. Dead. Man, you were doing damage now all of a sudden with that new sword. All of a sudden, yeah. And Maucus, your turn. Alright. Let's keep lumberjacking our way through this big dude. Let's see. Uh... We're going to do... Okay, yeah. Blazing Doom of the Void.

I hit last round with Soul Eater, so I've got a +2 on top of the +2 from flanking, so I'm swinging at +15. (whistles) Jeepers. I hope I get to use grain. Fine. 28 against... 45 against... 28 against Fortitude. That'll hit. And that's gonna do... 2d12 +11. 25 fire and necrotic damage. Shit. And then... I'm gonna be real nice to Rodswell here and back up so he can take the flank and I don't get my face beaten in. He's bloody, by the way. Tell Rodswell he's bloody. Oh my god. And he immediately goes into an absolute fury. He is meffed, to say the least. Uhhhh...

Thoril, your turn. I'm glad I back-stepped now. Let me just do four real quick first. Damn! That'll miss. What about nineteen? [laughter] Now, will heroic effort do it for just one or both? I can't tell you that. He did crit on two other people, so maybe that... What's your heroic effort do? Plus two? Plus four. Plus four, that'll... Um... Well, let me read heroic effort real quick. When do you gotta go? Uh, I got some extra time. I can... Where I work, if I forgo a shower for one day, it's not... [laughter] I certainly won't be the worst smelling person there. You know what?

I'll count it for both of them this time. Okay. I'll count it for both of them. So go ahead and roll damage. Okay, sweet. Uh, let's see. 2d10+10. [mumbling] [whistling] 21. 21 will kill number three. Mmm. I love the way that tastes. I do another one for him too. No, no, no. I'm just adding it up here. 21's probably gonna bloody him. Bloody! Okay, um... Till the end of the encounter, I gain a +2 power bonus to attack rolls and a +4 to damage rolls, and I can shift up to my speed. Good lord. And I can't spend healing surges to regain hit points. You can't spend? I can't spend healing surges.

Okay, that may come back. They may come back in spite. We'll see. Stay back. Don't get no longer, Oz. Obviously, yeah. Are you done? [sigh] Yes. Draconis, your turn. Alright, first of all, I can move my little sphere up to six spots. Okay. So I'm just gonna do that before I do my turn here. Okay. Oh, now he has a shift. Yeah, alright, here we go. Uh, I am gonna try to kill these motherfuckers. Let's go with a fireball. Okay. Let's go with a fireball. You're a lot better at being a wizard than I was. [laughter] I'm sorry, I'm against a level 8 ninja, so... [laughter] Level 9.

Basically, my fireball's like that. Kind of something like about right that big. Maybe a little bit bigger. Maybe around that big. We can't see what you're doing. Oh, you can't see that? Oh, now I can. It's a little bit down, Charles. It's large. You laid it down that? Somewhere around there. That's like 12 watts. Took a while for that to get to us, I guess. It's this big. It just holds out his arms. [laughter] So basically, yeah. Same as before, hopefully this hits. At least it'll do half damage, so... Uh... Okay, start with four and then we'll go to Talraz. Alright, well, I'll do my little...

And... God damn it. That'll miss. Come on, Talraz. Take care of the face. 22? Uh, versus AC? Uh... I, um... Talraz has got that minus 2 to AC, doesn't he? Yeah. That'll hit him. Okay. Yeah. Good. It's taking it deep. Alright, so... That does hit? That does. That'll miss the one down below, but hit Talraz. Alright, so four D6s. Plus intelligence, which is... Oh, wait, what do we... Six, plus six. Okay, there we go. So basically... 15? Okay. 15, so that's 15. Another 15 to Talraz. And it doesn't, uh... It does half to the, uh... Yeah, so that's, like, seven. Okay. Alright. So yeah.

Alright, awesome. Uh... Yenward, your turn. Alright, I'm gonna go ahead and use my Goring charge. Okay, uh, you are right next to him, so you can't really do that. Can you shift out of the way to the left and then charge? Well, that's two movements. Okay, 'cause that is, that's taking up a movement. Alright, then I will pick something else to use then. You could shift one to the right and have flanking. Why are you guys flanking? No, he doesn't. How? Uh, you're on opposite sides of him, apparently. That's what Rob was saying. As long as you're on opposite sides of him, you have flanking.

You don't have to necessarily draw a straight line through him, I guess. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, who has flanking? He doesn't have flanking. That was only because the enemy took up four squares. Oh, okay. Yeah, so he would have to shift to get the flanking, but... Okay. Shift... So I guess I'll shift then? Yeah, shift 20 to your right. Yeah, there you go. So Tokyo drift to the right, hold on. And then since I can't use my fancy goring charge, I guess I'll just use a regular reaping strike, which is D20 plus 12. Let's fucking do it. Plus 14. Plus 14, yes. Either way, it is.

You hit him. Okay, cool. Go green. And, uh, 1D10 plus 7. That's too many. There. Uh, 10. 10's a nice solid hit. Uh, cultist of number 4, he... Uh, roll a D4 there. And plus 6, just like that, and boom. 7 again. Oh, there's 7. That's weird. Digging it. That's a nice number. Uh, he is going to... Stock number. Oh, he's gonna die. Yeah! He's gonna die. And then... Uh, Roswell, your turn. Okay, uh, I'm gonna use Resurgence on, on, uh, cowboy here. Um, get it? Uh, 14. Roll. 31. Uh, that'll hit. Yep. Plus 6. You're all in, baby. And 22. 22. Um, also, me or one ally within 5 squares can spin a healing surge, that'd be me.

I'm gonna spin a healing surge on you. That'll be this guy. That'll be this guy right here. And, uh, check this out. Bop! I'm out. Okay. Got him. Alright. Here's what he's gonna do. Uh, well, actually it's not. Yeah, it's tell her to get it. It's not. Yeah, it's tell her else's turn. So here's what he's gonna do. He's gonna take 15 points of damage. Yeah, he is. He's gonna take, well, 10. Yes, 10. He's gonna take 10 points of damage. And he's dead. He's dead. Oh, wait, that was, ooh, that was you. I was taking him off you, sorry. No! Don't do that. And his heart stops. So, what he's gonna do is he's going to...

Boys, he pissed. Uh... I don't blame him. He's gonna use Goring Charge on Rodswell. Oh. So he's Goring Charge. Uh, that is D20 plus 12. Such a young athlete. He's life in front of him. Nope. Gore! Uh, 18. That's gonna miss. Yep. Uh, then he's going to move over here. Uh, he's gonna spend an action point. Aye! Uh, and, uh, he's gonna take his greataxe. Oh, no. Uh, and he's gonna perform another blade sweep. I don't like it. Uh, let's do, uh, Malchus first. Against AC, right? Yeah. But y'all get plus two to your AC, remember that. Yeah. Yep. Uh, 21, Malchus. Uh, that'll miss.

I'm 22 AC right now. Uh... Ironhide. 25. Damn it, that hits. And Thor. No, it doesn't. Miss. Okay, so he does hit. He does absolutely hit. I'm the jerk. Uh, so that's 4D6 plus 5. 14. I can take it. In the face. Okay. Uh, Ironhide, your turn. Good. I wanna punch him really friggin' hard. So this guy is just, he's just pinballing all over. He's not speaking anymore. He's just, he's not trying to taunt you. He's just trying to hurt anything that is kind of in his way. He's just lost all his men. Alright, alright. Can you use a Js of Assault again? Is that a daily or is that...

No, that's just a move. Oh, I was just curious. I didn't know. I like that I'm the first one to walk into camp and I never got hit. True. You know, I am gonna use a Js of Assault on him though. And much like the Js of Assault is a green move, so is green flame. Woo! Ow! 16. That'll miss. And it misses. Classic green flame blade. But Js is still Assault. Action point. You did. This is where that saved by the bell thing comes in. Malchus! Uh, let's see. I want to be the best team in our group. And you have combat advantage now Malchus. Yeah! Tell Ross it's just bleeding all over the place.

There's a nice thick trail of blood leading from Yenward to Rodswell and now over here. Oh, that's terribly unsanitary. Finish. I'm just gonna go with the Js. I'm just going for- Soul Eater, d20 plus 13. 14 because of my tiefling bloodthirst thing because he's bloodied. Yeah, plus one attacks versus blade foes. 14. Go. 22 versus AC. 22 will just hit him. Oh, nice. Okay. Kill him. And then plus five damage because Blazing Doom of the Void hit last turn. So d12 plus 16. Oh, 28! That's all of it. He's dead. Thank you, God. I don't think so, yeah. Uh, you done? Um, let's see.

I attacked. I've still got my move and my miner left. Uh, you know, I'm gonna shift. I'm gonna not be the blast radius. You could have shifted so Thoril gets combat advantage. Uh... Yeah, but fuck Thoril! Thoril's got that aura about him where he's just like, "Yeah, fuck that guy." Thoril, your turn. He'll live. Alright. Well, um... I have a new plan, guys. We should just all delay until his turn and then watch him kill himself. With the ten points that he gets at the beginning. That's a good idea. Just move back and wait. Or bleed out. Or he has like eleven damage left.

He has one left and just caves in Thoril's head. Either way, nobody's unhappy about that. He looks at Thoril and just snorts defiantly. Like bleeding and just the picture of assbeatery. You better hit that blood up, buddy. Um... shit. Okay. Well, I guess I'll try Vampire Slam. Yeah! D20 plus... now it's ten because of my daily. So that'll be... Oh, he has a negative two to his AC. I forgot Thoril's AC. Twenty-two against Reflex. That will hit. Oh no. You're gonna... Get your cameras ready, folks. D10 plus... well it was ten, but how many more do I have? I had the four because of my daily.

So it's a fourteen minimum. Seventeen. Uh... okay. You done? Um, I'm also going to pop daily. It's a free action. When I hit, he's gonna take five necrotic damage. A save ends it. But his saves are gonna take a negative two penalty. And I take a plus one attack roll. And a plus one to damage rolls. And I'm also gonna shift out of the way. Smart! So he just took an extra five. Yes. Uh, Jerkonas, your turn. Alright! Well, first things first, just for fun. One, two, three, four. Put this little guy here. Alright. Aww. He's the big that kills him. Well, that's like if you zap him and give him some health.

I'm better now. Man, I'm just gonna go with another, um, fountain of flame. You haven't used anything lower than an encounter power since you've used it. No, I've told you. Heavy hitter. Here we go. Uh... It's cool that we have two tanks on this team. Holy shit, magic missile sucks. Oh yeah, by the way. That's why he hasn't used it. He'll just give you that in mage school. Don't think he's like, "Here's your magic missile." Alright. First day. Here we go. And... Yeah, that's awesome. That'll miss. The hardy handshake they give you is more for more than the actual magic missile.

It does half damage, though. It does half damage. Uh, okay, go ahead. So, three, d8. Plus six. Okay, this could actually hurt. 21, half 21, boom. Ten. A pillar of flame erupts beneath him, uh, and his axe goes spinning into the sky as he falls backwards. Hooray! Yay! Uh, the axe comes plummeting back down to earth and lands in the ground next to him. Phew, at least it didn't kill him. Right after chopping Thoril's head off. The end. In one swift motion. What do you think? He's always killing me. Oh my god, you killed Thoril! In the interest of speeding this up, you take a look around the camp, and the only thing you see of value is Bloodletter, which is Tellrass' trusted battle axe.

I want it. Yeah, you should have. I think that's fitting. Give it to the healer. It is worth, uh, it alone, as a weapon, is worth 550 gold, but because of its reputation in this area, it is worth closer to 1000. It does 3d6 damage at its base. That's the lowest amount of damage it does. The end word. That's a U, man. And it weighs about 15 pounds. Ow! So, are we giving that to you? Are we giving that to Yinward? I told you before, Yinward, I want it. No, you can have it. And ladies and gentlemen, that'll wrap us up for tonight. You have slain every minotaur in the area with no leader for this cult.

It'll pretty quickly disperse. Next week, I'm gonna decapitate Tellrass and then take control of his army. With his head on pike. He's gonna wear his hat as a hat. Your new boss is here. Bow. [ Music ]