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Arc 1 · Episode 101

Endure

2015-02-21 · 1:52:24
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UnaFieCallunaMarrek
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This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Today's episode of Dungeons & Randomness is brought to you by LootCrate. If you swing by lootcrate.com/dandr, you can get a portion of your subscription off. And it helps us out, it helps them out, and you get cool nerdy stuff delivered to your door each and every month. Every month, a random box of stuff based on a theme for the month is dropped off at your doorstep.

A lot of the cast has gotten in on this and we really can't wait for the next box to be delivered. Which should be any day now actually. So we do live unboxing videos each month on YouTube and you can check them out. We'd really appreciate it. Hi, this is Kat Charlie and you're listening to the Dungeons & Randomness podcast. Don't forget to go and find us on iTunes and give us a lovely rating and add a little review. Always remember to go and find us on Twitter @dandrpodcast and you can find all of the character Twitters from there. If you are feeling so wonderful and fantastic, go and give us a couple of dollars on our Patreon.

There's always lovely things coming out on there. Little extras that I'm sure that you all love. And don't forget we have many lovely items in the store. If you just go to the dandrpodcast.com and there's a little button up in the top. Thank you and enjoy the episode. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, start with Bre! Hi, I'm Brianna and I'm currently playing Jodzia Grace but maybe not for very much longer. And Kat. Hi, I'm Kat Charlie and I play Cee the Changeling Thief.

By the way, that laugh sounded much more gleeful than it was supposed to be. I'm actually very nervous. And Mack. Hey, I'm Mack and I play Caluna Vulgaris, the Wildling Shaman and I don't believe you, Jason. It's quite true. And Jasper! Hey, this is Jason, Jasper Permitter and I play Merrick, Ethelred, Human Cleric. And I don't know if I believe you or not, we'll see what happens. Okay. And Izzy, I swear to God, I'm quite nervous. I'm Izzy, I play Una, the Half-Elf Paladin and I'm in complete denial about anything bad happening to Jodzia. Okay. Whew, okay. You guys are directly following up episode 100 which is a pretty big deal.

On the last session, Jodzia ended up sneaking off in the middle of the night to try and take care of her soul problem with the demon. It looks like she's either going to parlay with it or try to attack it or something by herself. And that is where we left off with the party. So before we get to Jodzia, let's pick up things in House Dragonkeep. Valus has just read this letter. Everyone has been kind of brought up to speed on what's going on with Jodzia. What would you guys like to do? I think Merrick is, this is all new to him. Like he didn't even think to ask about this kind of stuff.

This was completely hidden. So I think he's worried because he's been for the past few minutes really trying to find Jodzia. All he knows is that Valus is really worried so he's worried and taking that cue. Now it's all just sort of being put together. I think he's reeling pretty hardcore. But I think he definitely wants to, whatever's happening with Jodzia, he wants to help immediately. He's just trying to piece it all together. Well, Valus is going to go get the last few books that they were looking at together. And he would be able to share at least what he knows second hand about what Jodzia is going to face.

I guess he would be the only other person in the party who would have more insight into this than anyone else. I mean, Jodzia obviously would be the big one, but she's not present. Does she keep a diary? That is an interesting question. Like go through her shit? Would she take it with her though? Probably. Jodzia! That's actually a good question. I'd say she'd probably actually leave it behind because she wants to come back and she knows she might die. So she'd probably leave it behind because she would want someone to find it if she did die. Okay. And we'll go through her belongings and see if she can find any clue to where she's gone.

Find that fucking diary. Is there anything we could glean by kind of figuring out what she took with her? You know, that might give us some sort of clue as to, I mean, I don't have any idea where she went. Like maybe she went to the roof or maybe she went into an underground cavern, but maybe we could figure out by seeing what she left behind or what she took with her. Well, let's do this. How about everyone roll a perception check while you're searching and we'll pick things up from there. 30. 22. 24. Okay, so let's see. Una is looking through Jadzia's possessions directly.

I would say, Merrick, Caloon, and Fi are looking around the house to see if Jadzia has taken anything else with her. Something like that. Yeah, just clues. Just looking for clues. Well, Merrick's going to notice that the dragon is missing. Amara is gone. Ah. That is a problem because if Jadzia is heading off by herself, that means she has a massive head start and there's really no other form of transportation that's going to keep up with her. Not on dragonback. So the fastest horse in fucking Theria isn't going to be able to keep up with the dragon. So that's a problem.

Riding a dragon is exceedingly rare, so it's not like there's just going to be another one leaving Brightport anytime soon. I would say that Una would find Jadzia's diary. Fantastic. Obviously she's not going to like, for privacy reasons and further stuff, she's not going to read every word, but she's going to skim through especially the last few entries and just see like what's, if there is any hints to where she's going to go, what she's going to do, anything like that. What she's thinking, what she's feeling. What we're going to find there, Jadzia?

Jadzia did keep very extensive notes sprawled throughout her journal. Pretty much everything she read. It might be a little bit confusing. It's kind of like any regular student's notes where like they can read it, but can you? Like some stuff is written sideways and some stuff is starred and other things are crossed out, but it's pretty much all of the research that was pertinent to her situation. Fuck yeah, this is excellent. Well then Una is going to read about a demon named Valnor who can be summoned in a really ancient tomb within the Blistering Peaks.

Now we're talking high up in the Blistering Peaks. Blistering Peaks are in the central mainland, which is days away on horseback. That is a problem for you guys, obviously. Do me a favor. Let's see here. Everyone roll an Arcana check for me, please. Arcana or history? Both of these are shit. I will also accept streetwise. Oh, really? Sweet. I'm going to roll that one. Just because of the... Yeah, okay. 23. Thank the Lord. I am rolling so well today. 11. 11 for... not good. 19 and 23 have got to be good enough, right? Well, the streetwise one, yes. I would say Fee's earlier perception check too.

He's cased this play. "Cased" is a bad word. "Cased" means he's going to steal. He has... He is. You'd never know. I mean, he probably is. "Cased" is probably exactly the right word. You never know. Just in case. So, Fee would know that this place has lots of little nooks and crannies to it. Not necessarily hidden passages, but there are places that are heavily guarded. There are rooms that are... There are two to three people standing outside of them at all times just to make sure no one goes in. Una would know, streetwise, that the former house Darksbane held some very...

There was a private collector named Archmage Theramak who would search far and wide and collect all kinds of magical items. Now, not that long ago, a group sort of ransacked the place. And this was in the midst of the place changing hands and that's how Tessia got it. But some of those items were taken away. No one really knows where they are at the moment, but this place was riddled with artifacts. There are... There's some really powerful things in this place. And it's not just the tomes where you unlock knowledge, but there are actual magical items here.

Maybe there's something that could help you on your way. Would David know anything about that? David or Tessia, yeah. Cool. Una's gonna run out of the room having found this, yell for Valus, but go find David or Tessia. Valus can hear the screams or some shit, I don't care. I gotta go find him. Valus is pretty much going to reach the same conclusion you did based on the books that the Jadzi is reading. Valnor, Blistering Peaks, that's where she's after. Does anyone want to do a history check on Valnor? Who's good at history? I have an eight. That would be great.

I've got a plus for nothing particularly. I've got a five. I've not got anything. So yeah, I think eight's the best thing we've got. All good. Nice. Decent roll now. 21. Not bad. Kaluna will be able to tell the group a little bit about Valnor when you meet back up. Valus is going to catch up with the rest of the party, and it would not be hard to find Tessia. Tessia would be in her office. She does not appear to be exceedingly upset that Jadzi is missing. Like, maybe this isn't a surprise to her. Bitch. No, that was not in character. That's how you die. That's fairly insightful anyway, but yeah.

You're getting the sense walking in here. Like, roll a perception check for me. Okay. I'm pretty sure she heard us screaming, so... Yeah, no. That's a crit. Okay, yeah, you absolutely notice that she is not... she's not surprised. She knows. Okay. Uno will just walk in and be like, "Okay, you obviously know Jadzi is gone. We know where she is now, but we need your help getting there. Is there anything... I know this place is chock full of crazy magic shit at some point. Is there anything that can help us get us there faster? We need to be there yesterday." Tessia's going to put down what she's doing.

You know she wanted to do this by herself. She didn't want to endanger your party. Yeah, I made that same mistake. Never going to do that again, and definitely not going to let my best friend make that mistake. Even if you wanted to catch up to her, there's no safe way of doing that. I don't care about safety. Roll a diplomacy check for me. 22? Tessia's going to come around her desk and walk up to Una. I understand you care for her a great deal. And she's looking over to Valus too. Because Valus obviously wants whatever could help them in this situation, but it's really tough for him to stand up to his mom like...

Like Una is. I want you to really think about this before you say yes. All I know is that my best friend and sister has gone off to fight a demon alone. I also know that she and your son are stupidly in love, and their hearts are breaking over this. So if you care about your son's heart and mine and the entire groups and Jadzia, please, we will do anything to get there as fast as possible. I know Valus would lay down his life. I would certainly lay down mine. She's going to look over both of you. And then after a beat, she's going to start to walk toward the door.

Follow me. As you were leaving this room, Valus is going to put his hand on Una's shoulder and just kind of give her a look like, "Thank you. That was thank you. I couldn't really do that." Cool. And we'll just nod like, "I got you." Where is American Kaloon and Fia? Were they in the room with us? Or are they still looking around? I just imagine you both kind of ran to Tessia, trying to find David or Tessia together and kind of figure it out at the same time. We're all sort of scattered, but I think I would imagine that at some point, Merrick wouldn't just get lost and just sort of stay lost.

I think he'd be trying to find everybody. So how about on the way out of this room, the group kind of reconvenes in the hallway as they're being led by Tessia? Yeah. Cool. Sharing of information. This is where Jadzi is gone. This is the demon she's facing. Anybody know any shit? Kaluna will pipe up. Kaluna knows a little bit of something about the demon Valnor. Valnor is legendarily, if you believe in gods and demons and all this stuff, demons obviously exist. So Valnor is a harvester of souls, and what he does is he grants power to mortals in exchange for their immortal soul.

He will sign their soul away and contractually, when they die, he gets your soul. There is no resurrection. There is no coming back under your own power. You belong to Valnor. Supposedly, he is building an undead army. You are in service to him through eternity and death. You belong to him. There is no escaping the contract unless you have something to barter with. Demons will barter. You can renegotiate, but they are insanely greedy things. They not only want what they've signed up for, they want whatever they can throw, and they use your weakness and desperation to their advantage.

Valnor specifically is a greater demon, which means he has a huge amount of power. Now, the plus is he can't do something like kill Jadzia directly. So he can't, she can't die by his hand, then just take her soul. That's not part of the contract. That does not mean he can't find some sort of loophole, because demons can't be trusted. So that would be pretty much what Kaluna knows with a 22. Or a 21. Not bad. No. That's pretty good information, actually. Yeah. So Jadzia would have to kill herself or be tricked into some crazy shit? There's a few different ways this could play out.

Oh god. Okay. Technically, she'd be violating the contract by trying to renegotiate. So even negotiations- You'd violate the contract? Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, no, no, no. I'm just saying. So even suggesting to negotiate would be an issue? Not one that would lead to violence necessarily, but it's her trying to wriggle out of the deal. That's what Jadzia's doing. Well, if she had a better option or something like that, he would be interested. That's the catch, yeah. Right. Potentially. Okay. And she has a few powerful souls. There's one in Darmok who... Do me a favor, roll a history check on Darmok.

Kaluna, I think that's you. Yay. Dude, how shitty would it be for a demon to have possession of Darmok's soul? Like, how fucked would he be? Oh, 21. Darmok would be- Oh, so fucked. Darmok would be exceedingly fucked. Darmok, to get the level of power that he had for a mortal, fucked over a few demons. They were essentially competing for souls on this plane. That's what they were doing. And demons do not like it when you horn in on their turf. Especially because Darmok didn't sign over his soul to get that power. He signed over other people's souls. He would torture and mutilate and murder and he did many, many, many awful things.

His soul is worth a lot in the demon community. He fucked over a lot of demons. So that one soul in Jadzia's Helm is worth a lot to Valnor. So that is a bartering chip. Not to mention, Ian. Good soul too. Yeah, in the demon community, yeah. In Tharia's version of Hel, Ian has a special place. He was a gentle soul. Yeah. And then there's some really, really low, like she's got a couple of thugs in there too. Just to sweeten the deal a little bit. Right, I mean, it's no Ian or Darmok. Seasoning. A little garnish. Didn't Jadzia get Kael'thuln's soul as well? Actually she picked up the Helm just after the defeat of Kael'thuln.

Oh, okay. But that would have been a fucking great one to grab. Grab, yeah. We should have stuffed that fucking Helm full of crazy souls. She should have been there for Strahd. Well here's the thing. Who wants to roll a history check on the fucking Helm? Me! Okay. Pluna's just spouting this fucking knowledge over. I was like, how the fuck did you know this? Doesn't even read. No, I was like, oh the fucking hell, yeah man, you didn't know? That's kind of... Wise as shit. Okay, 19. She should know a little something about the Helm. Not a lot. The Helm was never meant to hold a soul as powerful as Darmok's.

It was never meant to imprison someone so powerful. That's really... So the dragon thing may not have worked anyway. That may be why you guys have had some trouble with letters recently. That may be why. But it... Whether that's the case or not, something bad could be happening. So he hasn't escaped, but he's like partially like Sauron after you kill him. You're not sure, but that is... It doesn't bode well. Holding thugs and things like that, absolutely, yeah. Even Edin. He was a piece of shit as a human being, but he wasn't magically powerful. His soul wasn't tied to anything bigger than himself and his sword.

Darmok, on the other hand, was ridiculously powerful for a mortal. You guys managed to catch him on a really fucked up bad day, and the fact that Jadci was there was heavily distracting to him. But yeah. Okay. Okay, cool. Now that we just got knowledge dumped, what's our transportation method? Okay. You guys are gonna have a choice to make in a minute. Tessie is going to lead you to a room, guarded by two very large men. And she is going to sort of motion with her hands and they're gonna step aside. Opening up these two large double doors is going to be a sort of a long hallway.

And there are display cases littered about. In these display cases are magical items as far as the eye can see. And she's leading you to a very specific set. Now some of these cases are empty, where they once held certain things. And now they've been taken or maybe stolen, you're not sure. She's gonna lead you to a very specific set of runes. And she's gonna open this display case very carefully. And it's this small cut stone with elven writing kind of scrawled into it. And she's gonna hold it, sort of displaying it to the group. Do you know what these are?

Do we? Roll a history check or an arcana check. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Does anyone have an arcana higher than eight? Eighteen history. Eighteen history is not bad. Everybody else roll just to make sure. Perfect, fuck yeah. 22. America would have a decent idea. Eighteen. Hey, 24. Nice. Let's see here. Okay, so, Kaluna knows fucking tons of shit apparently. Well, you know, Kaluna can read elven. That's true. So maybe there's like old scrolls and shit somewhere in the forest. I just like to think that Kaluna's picked up on all this but has no idea the importance of it.

That sounds about right, yeah. Like it's all equal importance. It's like I found this fucking great pancake recipe. Oh, and these scrolls. I don't know. Like it's, she just... I found this really pretty speckled rock. Oh, and there's this demon. Yeah, just equally everything is just the same amount of knowledge. Both Kaluna and Merrick. Okay, so there are a set of runes that have been locked away because a lot of the things in Theramax possession were either easily obtained for him through money or power or threats. A lot of these things were very powerful and also highly erratic.

Take the Rod of Wonder for instance. You guys all know what the Rod of Wonder is about. Not maybe character wise but you guys as players know. There are a set of runes called the Alta Elar. In elven roughly that translates to displacement. These runes can be used to travel great distances instantly. The catch is it's not an exact science. You have to be really magically attuned to these things and you have to communicate where you are trying to go. Now this is done through an Arcana check. Whoever is doing this is going to roll an Arcana check and the higher the check, the higher the roll, the closer to your destination you're going to get.

Now it's not just proximity to where you're trying to get. On a really low roll this thing could drop you 600 feet in the air. You could teleport to a crevasse. It may put you on a rock. You don't know. I'll risk it. I have a question. Would Marek know... Would it make any difference if you know where you're going? If you've been there before or something like that, would that give any bonuses to how well you could arrive there? It doesn't. If you've been there before you do get a small bonus because you can picture it in your head. But you can also just look at a map and you understand the area around it.

You can do it that way. Here's what I'm thinking about Marek. He just went on a journey for about a week or more in the highmetal forest which is just at the base of the blistering peaks. So that may be something that if there was any benefit whatsoever, if he knows enough about this from an Arcana standpoint, he'd be like "I can really picture that." A plus two? I'll take it. Here's the other catch. It takes an exceedingly great amount of power to use these effectively. Normally you would need something...you would either need to be a really powerful mage or blood mage.

A scion would work. You do have someone in the party with a weapon of Chord that can act as a fucking lightning rod. It's pretty much the same thing as... We have two weapons of Chord. Yeah, but there's only two of the weapons of Chord that act like the lightning rod. Stormrender and Chord's Fury. Chord's Gale is much more... Wind? Yeah, which may come in handy at a certain point, but for this particular thing, there's a bit of risk involved in that. Now if, let's say, Una was the one to call down some lightning, she could do that and that could power the rune.

But yeah, she's not going to be the one wielding it to do the check. Which is probably a good thing. I'm guessing Una's Arcana is pretty low. Yeah, so this would be the thing where we all join hands and somebody with good Arcana...I power it the fuck up and someone with good Arcana is like, "We wanna go here!" and then poof. Yeah, all Merrick would have to do would be to think about the place he's trying to get to. I'm just suggesting the Highmetal Forest because it might not drop us into the Blistering Peaks, but if there's any benefit for getting very, very close, we'd be 90% of the way there.

Potentially. And we pick up mountain climbing stuff before we leave. Here's the thing. You guys have pretty much free run over Graddock's shop for saving his little life. Let's do it. Let's loot that shit. Okay, wrapping up in stone, go to Graddock's, get all the mountain climbing shit, provisions, bandages, healing potions for Jadzia because she's totally gonna need them. Pretty sparkly things. Anything that helps with endurance or not turning into a werewolf, that would be nice too. Yeah, those things. Two questions. Hit me. Does Una still have the Dragonhorn?

Yes. And how much of a headstart has Jadzia got on us? You're guessing at least a couple of hours. Do we have a concept of how long it should potentially take her to get there on Dragon? It wouldn't take that long. You're guessing within a few hours she'd be there. So she's probably more than halfway. Okay, fair enough. I can try blowing it and just seeing if that makes any difference. Maybe she'll come back when she's dropped Jadzia off. My thought was if we got into the Hymantle Forest and then you blew it. Good man. Smart. Yes, good plan. Okay, let's go fucking loot Graddock's shop.

Yay! How's about we catch up with Jadzia? Okay. Jadzia would be flying somewhere over Dragon's Reach right about now. On Amara back. What would be going through her head right about now? Because there's nothing much to do besides fly. There's nothing, I mean she's got a while to think about this. Yeah, she's probably just trying to think of how she is going to try to negotiate with this demon. Then she's just busy being terrified. The entire time, probably. You may want to discuss what item you picked up before you left. Right, before I left, I believe Tessia gave them to me, right?

Yes. Tessia gave me these dice, and I can't remember the name of these dice. Dice of Questionable Luck. Dice of Questionable Luck. In which I can roll them, they're three 20 sided dice in a little container. And I can roll them at the beginning of the day and take the highest score and when I fail a check of any sort, or attack or anything. Is that true, Jason? Is it anything or is it just checks? Skills. Just skill checks. If I fail a skill check, then I can replace it with the highest of those three dice. So, I'm going to roll those. Yeah, go ahead and roll three 20 sided die.

Okay, three. Wow. Oh no! Eight, nine, and ten. So you're going to pocket that ten. Woo! Yeah, not as helpful as you'd hope. That's questionable. That's questionable luck. Guys, I'm going to die today. Wait, question. Is that like the base? So like, that's without the plus? That's without the plus. Okay, that's kind of nice. It could be worse. If you had like a plus 14, something that could help you out. That's true. So like, if I'm replacing a check, do I also get to add the plus to that check? Okay, so let's say, I don't know, out of the blue, if I were to apply it to diplomacy, like let's say.

It would actually be a 16 then. Yeah, that's not great. It's still not great, but that's better than a nine or something. Like if I crit miss, then I can replace it with that. If you decided to try a bluff or something, that might come in handy. We'll see though. We have no idea. What's, you know, you never know. Getting back to the party. How are you guys entering, how are you guys approaching the fawn here? Because this is late at night. Like Gradic's actually packing up. This is not, these are not normal operating hours. With great speed. Bust that door down.

Yeah, Meric's just going to bang his fist on the door. Waiting to, waiting to hear, because the door is locked, so waiting to hear anybody come to answer this door. Gradic has not gotten to the door yet, so let's have Valus roll an athletics check, because he's going to try and kick this fucking door in. 26 will do it. Valus is going to kick this door clean in, and he is going to stomp into the villa greed fawn. Gradic's going to lose his fucking mind, because at first he's thinking that this is Silverclaw coming to murder him. That's it. Like that's it.

That's game over. So now he's, like there's, so you're going to walk in, and everyone roll a perception check for me please. Damn, awesome. Holy shit, okay, everybody's going to see. He's running at it. Everybody's going to see Gradic look extremely panicked, and it looks like he's going to get ready to make a run for it, and then he's going to see that it's you guys. Oh god. You scared the hell out of me, what's wrong with you people? Uh, lots of things. This motherfucking group three. Lots, well we don't have time for that right now. We have actually more important things to deal with.

And he's looking over at you. Alright, look, I know I'm supposed to walk you through the shop and give you some select things. I promised Tessia, and you kind of saved me, whatever. But look. Kind of? Again, I promised Tessia. That's not going to be tonight, okay? I got something I got to do, I'm going to get ready. Valus is going to scoop up Gradic by his neck, and he is going to slam him against the wall. And let's roll, that's a 22. Yeah, he's going to slam him up against this wall. And Gradic's just going to stop dead, like in mid-sentence. This is not his shirt collar, this is not his jacket, he has him by the throat.

And it's kind of wrapped around both, his whole upper body kind of disappeared under, under Valus's big clawed hand. Gradic's going to look fucking terrified. And Valus is going to look back to the party without saying a fucking word to Gradic. Take whatever you want. Oona's going to like, like edge on over there slow-like. Just kind of like try and pry the fingers off, like "Hey, hey, hey, hey, buddy. Now is not the time, okay?" In the meantime, Maric's actually doing it. He's looking for provisions, he's looking for the right equipment, he's just, he's getting ready.

Kaluna is trying really hard not to get distracted by shiny things. Very difficult. There are many shiny things. Bea would be doing the same, but also just having a look at what is there that's pretty. Valus will sort of, like he'll let go eventually and just sort of drop Gradic. But you can tell he does not want to. Gradic is going to scamper away, just away from Valus. And there's nothing he can really do about you ransacking his shop. So he has to stand here and watch you rifle through his things and take whatever you want for free. Which is, that's his version of hell.

That's pretty much it. So you guys are going to take a few items. And each one of you, before the game started today, have been updated with some stuff. So you can check your character sheet and there's the stray pair of gloves, boots that do certain things. You're also going to take away some climbing provisions. So you will have extra rope, you will have pickaxes and things that you can bury into the side of a rock. You will have everything that you need to traverse a mountain as safely as humanly possible. Is there anything else that you'd like to grab before you leave that you'd specifically like to say?

A pretty sparkly thing. Any potions we can find. Any sparkly potions that heal. Any pretty jewelry too. I'll take all that shit. There is a display case next to the main counter that's this gorgeous glass thing that's locked. Smash that. Yep. No, no, no. Merrick is going to try to stop this. Like just put his arm out. Not like actually get in the way and, but just like come on, come on. Merrick, the way I've been imagining this too is that Merrick is being very, very deliberate about this. He's being respectful, but he's taking whatever he wants. So he's just, as he finds things, he's putting them on the counter so that Graddock can see what's being taken.

Very methodical. So if there's any way that he can stop people from smashing a case, he's going to try to do that. He won't try too hard. Like, come on, come on, come on, come on. Well then, I guess my question is, do Kaluna or Una care? Kaluna does. Fun ruiner. I feel like Una wouldn't care that much, but she'd kind of look up at Graddock like, if you don't unlock this, it's getting smashed. Like not say that, but just kind of that look like, do you want your shit ruined? This pains him. You can, this, like it's so obvious on his face. Like, ah. Like this hurts, because these are some high priced, I mean, some of it's just gorgeous jewelry.

Some of it is just high priced jewelry. Some of it's of magical origin. Pretty shiny things. He's going to push his little step stool over to the counter and slowly climb up, almost as if he were being hung. Like, like, like this is, this is hilarious. Yeah, I can see it. The music and everything. Does this actually exist in an area? Because if so, Una's going to start humming it. He's going to take a set of keys out from his pocket and slowly unlock this display case. This, this makes me feel really bad. I, I feel like Merrick is going to try to stop all of this.

Like, do we need this stuff? Are we just stealing from Graddock? Yes. We're supposed to take stuff, right? No, that's not, that's not what we're supposed to be doing here. We can take whatever we need from him, but not whatever we want from him. Pretty sure the words used were "take whatever you want." Also, I and Fi are the only reason he's alive right now. He kind of owes us a lot. I'm not sure how much he values his life, but I'm pretty sure, considering the person that we're talking about, it's more than all of the value of all of these goods put together.

Okay, that's fair enough. So Merrick's going to turn to Graddock and be like, "All right, do you owe somebody something for, uh, for maybe saving your life or maybe being a good person to you or something?" Do you think maybe you could give somebody something so that you don't have to have everything taken? He's kind of like nudging him along like, "Yeah, this might be your best bet, dude." He is, this, he lights up when you go to defend him. He's like, "Yeah, do we have to come on? Do we have to..." And then once you start to cave, just... I'm trying to save his ass.

I'm trying to save the day. I know, I know you are. He doesn't want anything to be taken. He's trying to keep everything. That's the, that's, that's, he is greedy to a fault. You might want to give them some thing, Graddock. Take the third shelf. And he says it with pain in his voice. There are multiple tiers to this display case, and the third shelf is reserved for the higher end magical items. Are they pretty? These are fucking beautiful. These are polished to a pristine shine, and these are gloriously cut gemstones. Hehehe. These are magical items or just gemstones?

These are magical items. Okay, what do we got here? You got a few things. The most notable one, and the other two are more... While in the streets of Brightport, they would be pretty useful to an adventurer, eh, not as much. But the third one, which is this, this sapphire gemstone, you know, necklace. If you are wearing this, it's, it's a daily. You can pop it. Any damage that would have been done to you in an attack, not just you, but anyone adjacent to you, it negates all damage. No damage done. It's, it's essentially a force field. Holy shit. So it's someone next to you?

You and anyone next to you. It's a bubble that emanates from you. So the biggest, like let's say dragon's fire or an explosion or something like that, that's something you can pop and negates all damage for that attack. Like an immediate interrupt type thing? Immediate interrupt, yes. If somebody else wants that, they can totally have it, but I think that would also be very useful if I had it. It's also pretty. But if someone else thinks it would be more useful, then totally take it. I mean, I definitely want it for us, but I don't know who the best person to hold it is.

Is it? People, are you, it definitely has to go to one of the melee people. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So it's Marek or Una, probably. For melee? Well, I mean, Fi's got the cord's gale. Fi, does he, he's, that's true. Does, does Fi usually group up next to people? Not really, because he either tries to get a flank in for him or a flank in for other people as well. So yeah, it's unlikely for Fi to be directly next to somebody. Honestly, that's the same for Marek, just because he's very careful about his lycanthropic problem. So he's not necessarily going to get up right next to somebody all the time.

So maybe it's better for Una to have it. Okay. If we start using it in combat and it seems like it would be useful for someone else, we can always just like chuck it across the room. Yeah, cool. Chuck it across the room. This thing is pretty damn valuable, by the way. On the open market, especially to certain people. Yeah, you could make tens of thousands of gold off of this item. This is an insanely rare thing. And it is in that display case for a reason. That's, that's a painful one for Grattach. That's, that's, yeah. Una will put on, is it a necklace here?

Yep. Una will put on the necklace and then kiss Grattach on the cheek. Oh, make him do the clasp at the end. Like lift your hair up, right? So that he has to clasp it. Could you get this for me? She will totally get it. Would he be able to reach? That's the thing. If you, if you. Just bend down to his level and just like, could you just do that for me? So much metaphor, like bend to his level and have him. Anyway. Yeah. Again, causing him physical pain. Jasper, you're cruel. I'm trying to help him, but I'm, you know, same time. Grattach. Valus is going to stop next to, so he's, he's kind of watching all this and on the one hand, it's like we're wasting a little bit of time, but it's, this has only taken a few seconds of, of not bartering, threatening, control.

I don't know. How, how would you put it? But. Taking. Taking. Yeah. Valus is going to speak up, kind of sidle up next to Grattach while he's doing this clasp up. I bet you wish I killed you now, don't you? And there's, it's not accompanied with a smile on his face, but there is an air of fuck you. Like there, this is years of pent up aggression at Grattach. And, and, and Grattach's just looking up at him. There is nothing he can do in this situation. And Valus is going to motion to the party like, okay, we should probably get going. Kaluna is going to grab the least valuable shiny thing that they can find.

Because they just, they desperately want one of the shiny things because there's so many. There are all kinds of gorgeous polished rocks that are used as paperweights and things. I mean, it ranges. It's, it's, this is sort of a Therian office max too, where you can just go and get nice stuff for your, I mean, it's, it's, it's nice stuff, but it's not necessarily magical or insanely valuable. It's just nice stuff. Here's this leather planner. It's got death dates for all your funerals that you need to remember. Months that are, that are characterized by starvation.

Yeah, but I don't want it because the weeks start on Monday, not on Sunday. And that really bothers me. God damn it's the worst. Let's catch up with Jadzi. Okay. Jadzi is going to arrive at the blistering peaks and this is, there would be enough room for her to be dropped off by Amara, but Amara would not be able to land. Well. So we're going to have to have Jadzi sort of disembark Amara by leaping off of her. Now this isn't a high check, but what Jadzi is going to be doing is leaping off of Amara onto a cliff face, essentially. There is a very narrow passageway where if her footing were to slip, she could plummet to her death.

Good. Okay. So this would be, this would be an acrobatics check. Here we go. Oh! Twenty-two. Okay. With plus five, that's actually pretty good. That's pretty good. Jadzi is going to leap off of Amara here and it's not, Amara got as close to this, this peak as she could. It is. As she jumps up, she's like, "Thank you!" in dry coning. It is windy and that could have gone very poorly. It's also, it's also very, very cold. I'm wearing like thirty layers. Yeah. Which probably didn't help with the jump. Probably not, but her cloak is just whipping around in the wind and...

Yeah, it's like seven sizes too big. Yeah. So what you're saying is I look awesome. I'm saying you look badass, yes. Okay, cool. Like Batman. Yes. Jadzi, do me a favor and roll a perception check, please. Eighteen. In front of Jadzi, a lot of this is covered with ice and snow, but there is an opening in the side of this mountain at the very, at the very top. There are no doors, but this is decorated with, with large stone pillars. This is not happenstance that this is there. This was intentionally built. This is the tomb of Valor. This is a place specifically where he can be summoned and bartered with.

Now, Valor can be summoned with a specific spell to initially make the deal. This is a place where people go to renegotiate. This is specifically made and constructed in such a way, in such a place that is, it's insanely difficult to get to. The fact that you had a dragon and just rode here, that's cheating to this, this is cheating. You skipped the entire portion of, you know, trekking to the forest and up a mountain and all that. You cheated to get here. Dragon? Right. It's fucking cool. Very cool. But yeah, to them it's like, oh, you, you asshole. So we're starting off on the right foot.

This is pitch black. Now, how would you like to, would you just like to approach this place and walk inside? Because this, again, it's open, there are no doors, this is an open sort of catacomb. I think I'd like to check for traps. Like, I'm not sure if that's the demon's thing. You can check for traps if you like. But I'll give it a shot. Eleven. Jadzi knows the ground is slightly slippery in the entrance where a portion of the stone is frozen over a bit. But she doesn't see any traps. Okay, then I guess I will head in. Walking into this catacomb. You set off a trap!

Sorry. No trap. The moment she steps inside, torches lining the wall all down this long hallway are going to start to light in this sort of putrid green flame, which will illuminate the area, but it sort of casts it in this, this disgusting green light. And as Jadzi ventures forth down this hallway, she's going to hear the wind howl behind her, and it's going to gradually get quieter and quieter. This place has not seen activity in quite a while, it would seem. Do me a favor and roll a perception check. Eighteen. It kind of like almost became a one. Yeah, I know, I saw.

Jadzi is going to start to come toward the end of this particular hallway. And there is a set of double doors in front of her. And carved into this set of double doors is, it looks to be a rough sketch of the face of Valmor. I should tell you a little bit about Valmor. This demon, being a greater demon, is tied to a different plane. But he does, he does have a, he has an ability to take a form on this plane. So his demonic body is this great hulking mass of just fire and muscle, and it's fucking unspeakable evil. His form on this plane is a lot more frail.

And you'll see what that looks like inside, but the area to summon him would be just beyond these double doors is what Jadzi would be guessing from her research. Okay. Now I'd like to do an arcana check on the doors. Sure. I'll try both of them. That is a crit. Fuck I know about these doors and I really wish I'd saved that roll. Beyond these doors, there's nothing, there's nothing magically enhanced about these doors at all. Beyond these doors, Jadzi is sensing a huge magical presence. And it's not just a magical presence, there is something evil. There's something sinister and dark beyond these doors.

I haven't even summoned him yet. No you haven't. That's the, this place is pretty much a temple to evil. If evil had a place, like a clubhouse, this would be it. Can I like, I know I already did perception, but can I like put my ear against the door and listen? Jadzi wouldn't hear. And do another perception? Jadzi wouldn't hear anything. I wouldn't hear anything? These are pretty thick double doors. So the evil is just like fucking evil. It's just a presence. It's not like a big monster I have to fight to summon the guy. Well, the presence she's feeling is just, it's just, it's a feeling she's getting.

It's making her skin crawl. This is, I mean you're getting ready to barter with the demon of undeath. This is not a lot of good that could come from this. So I guess the question I have to ask you is, do you want to walk inside? Uh, yeah. Yes I do. Jadzi is going to pull on the rings that open these large double doors and they are going to swing open wide. Let's catch up with the rest of the party here. Well fuck you too, Jason. I love you, Bri. So where would you guys like to go to activate this rune? Because some minor destruction might take place. Oh shit.

Just outside in the street. Okay. Where's a place we really don't like? Yeah, I mean. Let's go back in Graddick's shop. Poor fucking Graddick. You're going to need access to Skye. I will point that out. Okay. Yeah. Just try and do it inside and just thump around the inside of a building for eternity. Uh, I mean, I don't know. I mean, should, do we have any sense of the kind of destruction this could potentially do? I mean, should we get kind of outside the city or what? No. No time. Okay. Fuck Brightport. Okay. Man, so many people have said that over the years. Um, here's what I need you to do.

Um, everyone hold hands. And, um, I, the rune has to be held by, uh, by Merrick. He's the one activating it. But he does have to be in contact with Una. Um, because Una's going to be the lightning rod here. Oh, right. Uh, okay. Yeah. Okay. So when you guys are ready, Una is going to get ready and call down some lightning. Cool. Um, do me a favor, give me a religion check. I'm good at those. I think. From what I can recall. You're fairly good. Being a paladin of Kord and whatnot. Is it still a religion? I guess, yeah. Yeah. Okay. 26. Okay. A bolt of lightning is going to streak toward Kord's fury.

And it is going to illuminate the night sky. With this horrendous thunderclap that is going to accompany it. And it is going to strike Una outright. Um, specifically the hammer, but it is going to course through Una. Um, causing her no damage. But there is a tingling sensation to everyone. Um, where normally if this were say a normal weapon. Like let's say you held up a big steel sword and it were struck by them. You'd be fucking dead. That's likely. But because this is a weapon of Kord and there's, you know, there's yeah. So, Merrick, do me a favor and think some pleasant thoughts about the area you'd like to teleport to.

Announce it. Right. Okay. Um, I mean I think we've all agreed. Is this true? That the area that I was in, in the Hymantle Forest at the base of the blistering peaks would be the right place to go, right? Yeah. Okay. I'm thinking happy Hymantle Forest thoughts. And do me a favor, roll an Arcana check with a plus two. Okay. Ooh. Yeah. It's a 14 plus two, 16. It wasn't a pleasant journey in the Hymantle, to be honest. I was a little, I kind of lost a lot of blood. Everyone is going to go blind for a moment. Um, a brilliant white flash. After the lightning strike, boom, everything goes white.

And after, after a second, your eyes are going to start to readjust and you are, can everyone roll a perception check for me, please? We're underground, like in Minecraft when you start suffocating. Oh yeah, I've got good perception for this, but just really, really horrible direction sense. Feast still had his eyes closed. Are we there yet? You guys are definitely in, in a forest. You're in the forest. Every one of you are going to start to notice a few things. One, there's a horrendous sound and it's just this cacophony of creaking and moaning. And what you're going to notice is there is a bubble of destruction that emanates from the small circle you guys have formed and goes outward about 20 feet in every direction.

And the ground has been charred black and all the trees around you have either been incinerated directly or the ones that are just down on the fringe of the bubble have had a large moon, like a crescent cut, and they are starting to tip over. So about 10 to 12 trees are starting to, to just timber. Now, some of these are very, very large. What I'm going to ask everybody to do is please roll an acrobatics check to dodge out of the way of these trees because they are going to start to tumble in every direction. Oh no, feet crit missed. Oh God. Hi guys. But still got a 20.

Yeah. I got an eight. Marek is going to try and dodge and he's going to get a bit unlucky here because as he is running, he is going to slip and one of these massive, massive trees is going to fall over and crush one of his legs. So what we're going to do is two things. One, we're going to roll damage. 34 damage. Marek, would you please roll an endurance check? Sure will. We're rooting for you buddy. I'm rooting for me too. I'm rooting for you guys. Oh thank God. 33. Although worst case scenario, he'd be a werewolf pinned under a tree. Pinned under a tree, yeah.

That's a different problem, but yeah. Marek is going to let out a horrendous scream as this, as this tree falls down over his left leg. So he's kind of face down and this is going to do 34 damage and sort of crush his leg and it's going to take everything in him to just hold back that monster, just hold it back at bay because just for a moment that blinding pain is just cutting through him and he is going to get ahold of himself. He will not wolf out, but you guys have a problem and you have a Marek trapped under hundreds of pounds of tree here. My maximum carry thing is like 900 pounds.

Okay well, I forgot how fucking strong it is. So you may all want to just sort of try and lift this enough so that he can pull himself out from, yeah. So Una, you want to make an athletics check? Anybody want to assist? Wouldn't that be strength? Well yeah, there's yeah, raw strength check, yeah. Okay. I'll assist. Is that just a, is it too late? Um, no, go ahead. Is that just a flat D20? I won't be helped. So you're pushing down. He jumps on top of the tree and starts stomping. He's pushing down on it like, does this help? Is this right? Grinding. What we don't know is that Marek owes a fee of $12.

Is Marek in any position to do anything at all or is he just in blinding pain? I would say blinding pain and then. That's fair. What about Kaluna? Kaluna want to help? Sure. That seems like something Kaluna would do. Kaluna's helping. This will be enough. It's the adrenaline. It's like, holy shit. Yeah. This would be enough to lift this, lift this tree enough so that it's really soft dirt too. So this would be enough for, for Marek to sort of drag his body away. Thanks everybody. Healing? Yeah. I would say healing is in order, but you're going to walk with a limp.

Fine. Yep. Can we make him a sport? Well, the cool thing about healing is that it will, yeah, I mean he won't, his leg isn't like crushed. It's just, it'll get him back to where he can, you know, function on it. So it'll be, it'll be more like, man, it acts up in the rain, that type of thing. Not crippling pain. You're not Dr. House. Like I'm not, yeah. Oh my God. Can we get him a cave? Like forever he'll be crippled or like it just hurts until it's done healing? It'll always be a thing where, okay. Take for example, Liara lost an eye. She doesn't get her eye back, but she's obviously not bleeding from the, you know, I mean it was enough to save her, you know.

So he broke his leg? Pretty much, yeah. It'll always be something that sort of acts up every once in a while, but it's not something where he's in constant pain or anything. No. Is he going to limp forever? Not limp, but it'll be like, it'll be more a thing where it's like, oh, like it'll be sore if he hikes for a long time or something like, kind of like, kind of like us. Like it's just a fucking thing. Okay, gotcha. It gets cold and he's like, "Oh fuck my leg." Right, it's like, "Hmm, man, fucking trick me, he's acting off that kind of thing." "Oh my leg, wolf." "Ooh, you guys should, ow, I'm raw." Nothing like that.

I'm not, I'm not an asshole. At least about this. You crushed his leg. The tree crushed his leg. You made the tree, Jason. He rolled poorly. Jason, I can trace all of this back. Yeah, I'm sure. Hey, at least we didn't spawn like 50 fucking bajillion feet in the air. That's true. That could have been much, much worse. You didn't even want to see what a crit one does. I do have wind step though, so I could have just float down. You could have been, yeah, you would have lived probably. Just standing on the paste of my friends. Well, I guess I'll just go out there, isn't it?

This is all Gary Gygax's fault. Really, if you really want to. When it comes down to it. Really. All right, so that was something. What would be the party's reaction to kind of seeing where this is going here? After the initial shock of like, fuck, like, Merrick got really fucked up. Is he healing? Did he heal himself at all? I imagine Kaluna would have jumped on the heal. Yeah, I thought that's what was happening. Do we, do we, yeah, I mean, is it Merrick healing himself? Yeah, somebody roll a heal check. Let's do this officially. Can we just multiple heal checks?

Just all roll heal checks. Yeah, this is not going to be- Everybody heal. Weee! Yeah, there's in the party. There you go. Yeah, Kaluna's going to heal. Yeah, either one of them is good. So yeah. Everyone pile on the leg. Yeah. We're just like kissing it, like, "woo, boop boop." Yeah, it's like a spa. It's really just like a little spa day. So for, for, I would say about 45 seconds, Merrick would be in some real hardcore pain. Like real hardcore pain. And then after the healing, it would fade and he'd be, he'd be all right. Yeah, that is, that's a bit like getting crushed is a pretty shitty way to, it's just a portion of him.

Yeah. So you guys would be back on the road, I'd imagine? He's very appreciative, by the way. And he's letting everybody know. That was close to death. I mean, potentially. Kaluna will offer their shoulder as support. Take it gladly. Yeah. I would say, you know, it would like snap off a branch or something and give it to him as like a cane or a stick to lean on. So let me describe the timeline to you guys. So you would be zipping to Highmantle pretty much the same time that Jadzia would have been flying over Dragon's Reach and heading toward the Blistering Peaks.

Now that means that you have about an hour or so before she would reach the top of the mountain, which means you guys would have to book it like fucking crazy to even, to even approach the summit. There's a trail, there's a path leading up, but you would have to pretty much run, sprint. And then there's climbing to do. We should try blowing the horn to summon Amara. Okay. Think about that. Oh, right. Fuck. Just kidding, guys. There are dragons all over this fucking area. I was just going to say, think about the words I used. I'll fight a fucking dragon. I don't care.

Let's go. Fuck. I forgot it's not just like a single dragon horn. No. It's a all dragons in the area. Please kill me horn. Or at least come straight to me. Yeah. Come fight with me bro. I don't think we have anything to offer them. A chew toy? I don't think we have a whole lot of choice. I think we just have to, we just have to go. So yeah, running, sprinting, going as fast as we possibly can without dying. He is slightly limping towards it. It's fine. Either way. Thalas can carry Merrick. Merrick's a big small dude. He's not useless. Like I said, he's not, he's just, it's just a bit of pain.

Like he's just like, like it, like. Does it affect my speed? No, no, not really. Like I said, part way up the mountain you're going to feel some tenderness and it'll be sore, but that's it. Like you're fine. You'll be okay. Alright, cool. Done. Who would like, who would like to roll a check to see how fast the group travels? It's just a flat D20. It is a flat D20, it is a D20 plus 10. I don't think it matters who rolls it guys. It's random. I'm going to go for it. Okay, I'm sorry if this fucks up. 17. 17. You're going to make decent time, you're going to make decent time to the rest of this forest and you will, you will reach the base of the mountains in about 10 minutes or so.

You were right on the fringe of the, of the forest. So as far as placement goes, that really couldn't have gone much better. I mean, maybe not spawn in a pack of trees, but yeah, totally. By the way, that is one of the direct reasons why those were, why those runes weren't used more often. Because they tended to incinerate people that just happened to be walking by in the area where people were teleporting. And it only took a few times for people to realize that you, you could murder people that way or catch buildings on fire or whatever and that's on top of the complete randomness if you actually weren't in tune with magic enough to use them and it's yeah, but there's a reason they're locked away.

We should keep using these. Definitely more concerned about the trees than the people. Yeah, fair. Fair. That's good. Wait, wait, question. If we were like at the base of the mountain and like, we could see the place that we want to go to, or not even at the base, we are like on the trail somewhere and we could see where we wanted to go. Could we like be looking at it and be like, I want to teleport where my eyes are looking? You absolutely could, but it would take another check. Yeah, it would still take all the checks and stuff, but it would, but that would give us the plus.

It would give you the plus. Yeah, but there is a recharge time on them is the problem. Ah, yeah, you can use it daily. Okay, let's just keep booking it then. Again, insanely useful. There's a bunch of risk to it. It's gonna make a DC Comics. There's a there. Nevermind. It doesn't matter. Nope. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. Nevermind. We're moving on. Stop. Nerd. I know. Stop it. See, there's these things called boom tubes inside. No. Okay. Okay. No one. Jesus Christ, Jason Matthews. That's okay. I was talking about Nightcrawler in the chat. Yeah, see. That's, yeah. Get your shit together, man.

All right. I'm focused. I'm here. Okay. Seventeen is going to get you to the base of these mountains pretty quickly. That's about 10 minutes. So not that you would know concrete, but you are still about 50 minutes ahead of Jadzia. But getting up this mountain is going to take an insane amount of effort. So you're going to have to roll another check for me. Next in line, Merrick. Why don't you roll it? All right. Here we go. A flat 20? Flat 20 and we're going to add a plus 10 to it. So, okay. Flat 20 plus 15. Let's go. Seventeen. Seventeen. Okay. You're going to make your way up this trail and it winds around this mountain and it's going to start to get cold and windy after a while.

And it's taking you longer than you'd like it. This is. This is diplomacy to to like make people go faster. I thought you're going to barter with the mountain. Like, could you lean down? Come on. Like this is a bit ridiculous. Like, can I like inspire my peeps somehow? Isn't your intimidate higher? It is. Well, I'll give you. You can scare the shit out of this. I'll give you an option and you can either try to inspire your comrades to book it as fast as possible or you can try to intimidate your team with some sort of like anti-independence day speech. Like just threaten the shit out of them.

Okay. I've only got a plus one difference and I feel like cinematically it's better if I'm using diplomacy. So I just roll and make some sort of speech? Yeah. Roll first to see how well this is going to be. It's like out of breath. Like, just go guys. So big. Twenty five. That's going to be pretty inspiring. So the next time someone go ahead and what do you what do you say to the group to inspire them? I guess like what you should have thought this through. I know. Yeah, it was it was a spur of the moment thing. I don't know if we can speed up. That's good. And we'll just like go go down the line, like, you know, waiting for everyone to kind of like catch up because I'm assuming we're all not like in a little pack like they do when they're like running football laps or some shit.

Like, I'm assuming that we're kind of spread out, just like booking it up the mountain as fast as like each individual can possibly do. Yeah. Okay. So like she'll she'll go down the line for each person. Just like, come on, you can fucking do this. We have to get to the top. Come on, come on. For Valis, obviously, it'll be a little different. Like your girlfriend is at the top and she's dying. Valis, I don't know about everyone else, but a newfound look of determination is going to cross Valis's face. Let's have him make the last check if everybody in the party is OK with that, unless anybody else wants to take a stab at it.

Did you get a plus from that inspiration? Everybody's going to get this is how fast the group travels together, but this will be a plus 13 instead of a plus 10. Yeah. Do it. I'm scared. Fuck. Pretty much in keeping with everything else. A little higher. A little higher based on the plus. 19. 19. Yeah. Let's catch up with Jadzia. I hate you. This is really like tense. I'm getting really nervous. Because we all know what's about to happen. Jadzia is going to walk into this fairly large circular room and there is a large etched sort of dais in the floor. And the symbol of Valnor is carved into the center of this chamber.

This place is really adorned beautifully with this. I mean, this almost in like a send up to this guy like this was built for him. And it's part of a contractual agreement with this plane that people can come here and barter for their soul if they feel like they have something to offer. And now he has to be he has to be summoned. Jadzia would know that she has to give up an offering of blood to do so. Cheery. Yeah. So how would you like to offer up your own blood here? How much blood? It's a decent... we're talking about a pint. Can I use Sheldon? Can you use Sheldon's blood?

No. This has to be your blood. Okay. I can't Izzy. It doesn't work with the character. I'm sorry. Okay, I will not do what they do on all the TV shows, which is cut like a really a part of your body that really fucking hurts. I will do the back of my hand. All right. It's just that I suck in the comments. Everyone's trying to get me to eat lunch. Jadzia doesn't know you're coming. This is also not a very cheery picnic area. This is not... Yeah. I'm not the weird goth kid who goes to have like picnics in the funeral home. Jadzia is going to slice the back of her hand open and start to drizzle blood over this over this etched stone.

It is going to start to fill in the area. And as it does, this eerie green glow, much like the torches that illuminated this place, is going to start to emanate from this stone. And I would step back if I were Jadzia. I will step back. All right. We'll take your advice. A pillar of green flame is going to erupt from this area. And when the flame dies down, there is going to be an emaciated corpse sort of wrapped in a cloak standing in front of Jadzia. This body, for lack of a better term, has pretty much been stripped of most of its skin. So it's this skeletal figure covered in insects and worms.

I was fine. I was fine up until. And these insects and larva and worms have made this body its home. And the cheek muscles specifically, most of this thing's jaw is exposed. But you can see where worms are sort of burrowing in and out of its cheeks. Like it's very much a home for living things, even if this is not a living thing in and of itself. And after the flame dies down, it is going to make eye contact. And again, one of its eyes appears to be functional. The other appears to be somewhat liquefied. And this thing is going to step forward toward Jadzia.

And it's going to start to draw breath. And the breath it's drawing is very labored and wheezing. As he starts to draw breath, he's going to start to speak. [inhales] Ah, Miss Grace. [inhales] Always a pleasure. [exhales] And he is going to part his cloak a bit. And while wearing clothing, you can see where his clothing underneath is moving. And you're guessing that's because of all the living things that are sort of dwelling within its body. Good. How would you like to start this off? Jadzia will step back and she'd probably bow because she wants to show respect.

And she's fucking terrified and it's written all over her face. I'm still really distracted by the bug thing. That's so gross. Why? You knew Jaime's power bothered me. You did this on purpose. I may have tailored certain aspects of this demon to you specifically. Oh wait, wait, Bree. Just wait. That's not a good sign. So she's going to bow and say, "I came to negotiate my contract." This thing is going to kind of furrow its brow a bit. And again, every time it moves its face, there's this sort of a wrinkled... The skin that hasn't sloughed off sort of makes this squishing sound.

And part of that is because of the skin itself, the movement of the skin. And part of it is because of the insects that are falling off of it as it speaks and are drizzling onto the ground. Now, Miss Grace, we had an agreement. I think I have something you'd be interested in. And what might that be? Should I start doing diplomacy now? Is this the point where I'm selling it? This would be the part, yeah. Number one. Oh my god. Holy fuck! I'm going to die. Bye guys. Bye. That is a three. A nine total. Fucking die. John Cena is actually... I actually planned out some fuck-ups she could do.

She's going to try to take off her hat to be like, "This is my soul hat." And she's going to drop it because she's shaking so much. And then she's going to shakily pick it up. And I have this. And she's not even saying what it is because she's so frightened. So that's why her diplomacy failed. And he's going to step forward. His feet are bare. And it makes this wet slapping sound whenever he walks on this stone. And it sort of echoes throughout this chamber. What an interesting item. I'm guessing that you're offering up what's inside. Diplomacy again? Better!

Twenty. Still not great, but better. Judsy is going to kind of... because he helped her along, she feels a little bit better. Like yeah, that. I have six souls in this helm. One that I believe will interest you quite a bit. This demon is going to bend down. And as he does, you can hear every joint and muscle tear and crackle. And he's going to wave his hand over this helm. And you're going to watch the gems light up one by one. And then he's going to get to a specific gem. And he's going to stop dead. And he's going to snap his gaze up toward Jadzia. *deep breath* Really?

Long exhale. And you're going to feel this room get colder. Now, that may be perception. That may just be a chill running up Jadzia's spine. Or it may be this room actually physically lowering in temperature. What are your terms? Diplomacy first? I'm going to go ahead and trade that for the ten. Alright, so sixteen. I got an eight, so instead of fourteen it's sixteen. Which is pass, right? Because fifteen is pass. Almost always. Oh, that's not how I do them. Oh, you can't tell me? Okay. Alright, I'll just go with the sixteen. My keeper. The man who you saved me from.

And she's trying to butter him up a little bit. My soul for his. And then five more to play with. He is going to step forward. And he is going to place his hand on Jadzia's cheek. But I was so looking forward. *deep breath* To acquiring your soul permanently. And as he's speaking. One of these beetles are going to skitter off of his thumb and across Jadzia's face. Crossing her lips. That is up to you whether you would like to react to that or if this is something where she's just stealing her resolve in. Um, I'll have to respond, so can I roll diplomacy? And if it's low I will probably react to the beetle.

Absolutely. That'll be the trade off. Oh, I did not react at all. Fuck that beetle. Even though in real life I totally reacted. I'm going to say she's so distracted by how gross its face is that she barely even notices the beetle. I know what you're doing with these souls. His is powerful. It's been reaching out of its cage. My soul is weak. And it's broken. I would be worthless in an army. He could lead one. Which clearly she does not give a shit what he's doing with this army. Mmm. I won't lie. I would very much like to acquire that particular soul. Should I do some type of roll to know if I do know what kind of pain?

What's there? 19. I'm guessing that Jadzia doesn't know too much about that. She was more concentrating on the whole "you don't get my soul" thing. Yeah. Can I get a roll of diplomacy? Sweet. 23. I'm going to grab her collar and pull it down to reveal just some of the scarring. I know pain. This demon's hand is going to trail off of Jadzia's cheek and it's going to return to his side. But some of the skin from his palm is going to sort of be left behind on Jadzia's face. My dear. You have not begun to endure pain. How's about we catch up with the rest of the party?

Oh thank god. Jesus. I hate you so much. Oh my god. You know to be fair the rolls went way better than expected. Oh my god. Oh you're fired. I'm so sorry guys. That's so gross. I'm going to go throw up. I'll be right back. Can I take a throw up break? God. What did you say, Kat? I think that was better than Darmok. I love Darmok's voice but I think that may have been better. It is really really good. If you mean worse, yeah. It is your best voice yet. Thank you. And that was on camera as well. Yeah that's the fucked up thing. That'll be in the dark. Yeah. I'm not asleep at night.

So party. No. I don't want to go up there anymore. Where are we? It has taken you the better part of an hour to get from the base of this mountain to its very peak and that is exceptional. That is better time than most people could do it in. You're all pretty motivated. We're all pseudo superheroes. Can we go in our own boat? This is true. Of the people of Theria, you guys have the power to do certain things. I want one more check and that is to close the gap to this peak. You're going to be pretty much climbing up the last hundred feet or so or scaling a mountain.

Who would like to do the roll for that? If I do the roll do I get my boot bonus? I'm going to give you a plus one to that because while you would be adept at climbing, not the entire party would. Does my inspiration still count? I'm going to give you a plus for that too because that wouldn't have faded in. So that's a plus four in total. Okay. Plus the plus ten that we get? Oh yeah. Sorry. Plus four too. Okay. I'm going to throw that shit, Mac. Whee! Man, no one's gotten higher than a fucking seven. Plus fourteen's not bad though. That's like twenty-one, right?

Twenty-one. Twenty-one, you're going to make really good time. You've reached a point in the path where you realize that you have to climb. You guys are well equipped, you're very motivated, and you're essentially superheroes. You are going to climb this gap pretty quickly. You are going to reach the summit here and present it in front of you. You're going to see a dark cavern that this appears to be chiseled out of columns. This is a place. This is not just a random cave, you can tell that immediately. Una's going to scream Jadzia and just sprint full bore into that.

Can we roll some sort of check to see if we know what sort of horrific things are awaiting us inside, aside from a demon? Go ahead and roll a check, that's not going to stop Una. Oh yeah. What kind? Do me a favor, roll a history check. Twenty-four. Here's the problem. Anyone who has signed their soul away to this specific demon is welcome within this tomb. Anyone who hasn't is not welcome. The second Una crosses the threshold. You're going to hear a moan/scream accompanied by a second and then a third. Una, do me a favor, roll a perception check. My bad guys.

Twenty-nine. I totally know what's going on and it's horrifying. So the party outside is going to hear Una sprint in then sort of a kind of a "ahhhhhh" like that sound. Which is horrifying. Sorry guys, I stepped on a nail, it's all good. This demon controls an undead army and to protect his little place of worship, for lack of a better term. This particular area is guarded by zombified skeletal cyclopses. Really? Really, Jason? You couldn't have stopped at one of those? No. That's no big deal. Couldn't have just been skeletons, couldn't have been cyclopses, couldn't have been zombies, it's going to be zombified skeleton cyclopses.

It's a little bit like Overkill, dude. Vampire werewolves. It's like a walnut chocolate caramel salted cookie dough ice cream cotton candy ball. They're not traditional zombies in that if you get bitten, it's not like zombie zombie, they're just undead cyclopses if you want to simplify it. Does that make you feel better? Thanks. Okay. Boiling it down, let's just call them cyclopses that used to be alive. Yeah. Okay. And now we have to kill them again. Okay, so as soon as the fight starts, Una's going to turn to Valus and just say "Go! Go get Jadzia! Go! We'll take care of this!" Valus is going to give a look to the party and it looks like he's going to, he's thinking it over, but after a moment he's going to just sprint ahead.

Let's fucking do this! P, your turn! Okay, good. Ambush Trick will get me up to there and I have combat advantage on skeletal cyclops 2. So just a melee basic attack. That's more like it. Fourteen, there we go. And I get my backstab, my sneak attack because I have combat advantage. It was P's turn, next up it's Kaluna! Okay, first, Una, I guess, noises. Which one do you think you're going to go after? Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking the one that V's attacking, just because it's faster to target one of them and drop them in the next one. Okay, so I'm going to put pig below V.

I'm going to use Call to the Blood Dancer. Thank you. 26 will hit. Okay, and then the blood drop. I'm going to target it this time. And now if anyone is adjacent to pig and hits the cyclops, they can get a crit from an 18 to a 20 and I believe there's a bonus to damage. I didn't write that part down. Any ally gains a bonus to damage rolls equal to my intelligence modifier, which is 3, while adjacent to the spirit companion, until the end of my next turn. Okay, Maric, your turn. Okay, so I'm just going to move just a couple of spaces to make sure I can be between all of these sort of equally and then I'm going to do Searing Light, which is just an encounter power for a standard with my morning star.

So a ray of light will go straight into the face of the cyclops, which is what I want to do because they have one eye. That'll hit and then you click the blood drop and then click that little man. Okay, you have blinded him, you've done 16 damage and you're good. Great, thanks. Done. Done for that turn. And Skeletal Cyclops number one is going to advance toward Una, going to target Una and going to use a power called Slam. He's going to pick up his big, meaty hands and sort of rotted, decayed flesh all over them and sort of form an axe handle with it and try and come down and just slam at Una and totally whiff that roll. 23 versus your AC does nothing.

Una, your turn. Okay, that was stupid of that monster and that's hilarious. Una's going to just jog right up to this one. That's an opportunity attack from this one that you're leaving. Not much difference, but okay, yeah, I'll take the opportunity to attack. I was going to say, you have a 34 AC. Yeah, I know, but you also have a plus 19, motherfucker. Well, they're cyclopses. That's bad depth perception. That doesn't make them hit less. I mean, they're just really focused on one thing. So as you're walking away, let's have him do that one more time. Slam, 27.

So yeah, miss, totally. So Una, resume. Okay, jump up to cyclops number two, I think he is. Target him. And then I'm going to use Debilitating Smite. 30 will hit. Sweet. Damage. You have bloodied the cyclops with 22. You have extra damage from the thing of dink. Okay, I'll take care of that on my end. Cool. Wait, I've got some little effect things. He's slowed and dazed. Hold on a second. And something else, yeah, there we go. Oh, you added the effects yourself? Good. God, I love this table. Yeah, and then I'm going to mark him. So if he doesn't attack me, he takes damage.

Come on, it's... Fee, your turn. Okay, so if I move around it... That's an opportunity attack. Okay, so Amber's true. But if he takes an opportunity attack and misses you, he'll take damage. True. Well, he's going to take damage even if he hits. Just because he's attacking someone other than you. But yeah, the damage is sort of negligible to what he would do to Fee if he does hit. Yeah, true. Okay, well, I'll Amber's trick, which will get me Combat Advantage, but I'm staying where I am. And actually, I'll use Shadow Retend drills. So I teleport up to five squares and make a melee basic attack.

So I teleport there. Okay, Combat Advantage. Combat Advantage. So melee basic attack. Plus two... five... Yeah, fifteen is not going to do it. Nope. Anything else? That's everything. Alright, Skeletal Cyclops number two is going to target Una. And he's going to try and slam and... Wow, what a shitty roll! That's a two. Twenty-one, that is nothing. And Skeletal Cyclops three is going to move on up to Merrick. Target Merrick. Try and slam him. Twenty-two is going to miss. Wow, these guys suck today. Fee, your turn. Amber's trick to get me Combat Advantage. And melee basic.

Oh yeah, of course I do. Eighteen. Kaluna, your turn. Okay, I'm going to use Ironbreaker Claws. Let me switch back. Okay. So... That'll hit. Okay, I'll do that. And an ally adjacent to the target can make a melee basic attack against it as a three action. So, I don't know who wants to do that. Fee generally hits more than I do. Okay. So go ahead, fee, attack the Cyclops here. Thank you. Okay, that hit, that's fine. Awesome. Okay, so... melee basic damage. Eleven damage. Eleven. I also do a bonus two damage because I have the Bloodthirst feat. Plus two damage rolls against Blooded Foes.

I'll add that up on this and... Sneak Attack. Wait, wait, wait. Do you get the Sneak Attack every time? Yep, it's in that will. This is a burst with... burst one within five squares. And a web of gleaming strands cuts into my foes and defends my allies. So what's going to happen is... Let's see here. Light of Arvandor. Radiant damage against target. I guess I'm going to target this guy. So you're targeting number two, or three. Number three. That's a hit. Eleven damage. Alright, so eleven damage to that. Now let's see here, hold on a second. And each ally in the burst gains a...

Okay, so no one's in that burst. Okay, so that's Light of Arvandor. But okay, here's what I want to be able to do. I want to actually use an action point. Okay. Because what I want to use is Prophecy of Doom, which allows me or another... It's another standard. Me or an ally who hits can make it a crit. Wow. And that can last until my next turn, or until anybody who wants to do it that's an ally uses as a crit. So if I think it's Una, probably has pretty fucking amazing crit damage. Yeah. Then you can just use it the next time you hit. Oh, okay. I'm going to shift over to you and help you out with that guy.

Yeah, because that would be... Holy shit. I can just turn any roll into a crit. That's amazing. Yep. Oh my god, I feel a Martyr's Retribution coming on, guys. Skeletal Cyclops 1. Actually, and also there's one thing that I get to do when I do an action point as for my particular character, is I have an extra move that I can use anytime I want to at any point. So what I'm going to go ahead and do is move Marek to the other side of the Cyclops. Okay, that is an opportunity attack for the Cyclops. Okay, well then I'm not going to move Marek to the other side of the Cyclops.

Okay. That's not what I meant to say. What I meant to say is... What I was suggesting is trying to get on the other side of him for a flank, to go ahead and just get him flanked in every case, but... Cyclops number 1 is going to move next to Marek and try to slam him, and holy god, these rolls. Yeah, so that's a 23, not going to hit anything. He rolled a 4. Una. Okay, Una's going to shift right up next to Marek, not target that guy anymore. Shall we get our cameras ready? Target Skeletal Cyclops. I'm going to use Martyr's Retribution. I'm going to take advantage of Marek's saved crit.

Can we just... Yeah, it fucking murders him. Yeah, it totally fucking murders him. We'll fix it later, it's getting late. Okay. Because that's 87 damage, plus you get crit die from your... Yeah, that'll kill this fucking Cyclops. He is so dead. Una's going to bring her hammer down on this fucker's head and just smash it in. He's dead. Totally. Fucking wiped off the face of the earth. By the way, thank you for taking into account my editing. That'll have to be a thing, so thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Fie, your turn. Hey, Billy. Amber's Trick will get me combat advantage.

And just a mere basic stack. That is going to miss. Boy, everyone's having a rough day with these dice rolls. That's everything. Skeleth Cyclops is going to stop targeting Una, target Fie, try and slam him. 29, that'll hit. He is going to take how much damage there, Una? 4, so he's going to take 10 damage. 10 damage. That's pretty... Alright. He's not dead, fuck. Not quite. He's going to roll damage, and that is 30 damage to Fie. Holy shit. And Fie, your turn. Hey, Kidoki. So Amber's Trick will get me combat advantage, and just a mere basic stack on him. Jesus Christ. 23.

Oh yeah. Kolona, your turn. Okey-dokey. Okay, first off, I'm going to use my healery thing. Healing Spirit, I'm going to heal up Fie. The target can spend a Healing Surge. If the target does so, then the ally adjacent to the Spirit Committee gets the Healing Surge. So it doesn't matter about the rolling, but you get to spend a Healing Surge. That's the whole point of that. Cool. I'm tired, apparently. And then I'm going to use Stalker Strike, which is basically a melee basic. But her Fortitude is terrible. Okay. Da-na. And now Pig can flank with Fie if he needs to.

And that's that. No. Maric, your turn. Alright, I'm going to target Skeletal Cyclops number 1, and use Revealing Light. It's going to be a blue-white light that just comes down and then through my Morning Star, and then causes a bunch of damage on this dude. Let's see here. And I missed. And that's going to be it. Alright, and Skeletal Cyclops 1 is still targeting Maric. Rolled a 2. Is something broken? Because, Jesus. Sounds good to me. I know, that's fine. Never mind. Una, your turn. Okay. Let's use Winfury Assault. Just for shits and gigs. Oh wait, I need to shift.

Okay. I'm going to use Winfury Assault. 2d10 plus 7. 1d10. Buh-buh-duh. Okay. 3. So 10. 10 damage. 2 Cyclops number 1. It also should have some sort of thing. I think I get to push him a square or something. That's part of one of your feats. Winfury Assault? Really? No, it's part of your... Oh, okay. I think you're right. You have an improved Winfury Assault. Oh, right, right. So, okay. Cool. That didn't do much, but whatever. That was my move. Fee, your turn. So, Ambus Trick will get me Combat Advantage. Give me a basic stat. Hold on. There we go. That hits anyway. And then...

Damage. Okay. And do I need to do Sneak Attack? Or is that dead? He is totally dead, yeah. Totally dead. Okay. Cool. Yeah, that's the end of my turn then. That is it. And that will bring up Fee again. Okay, Ambus Trick will get me there. Yep. And just a near basic... Near basic. That'll do it. No! Kalani, your turn. Okay. I am going to use Wrath of Winter. I'm going to do it right this time. I'm not going to attack Fee. Okay. And then Pig is going to get teleported because of the attack. I'll put him next to Una. Just so she gets damage and bonuses. And that will be my turn.

Maric, your turn. Okay, I'm going to do something called Astral Seal. Which is outlining my enemy with a silver glow of the Astral Sea. And then some bullshit happens and hopefully they have some damage. Nice. Almost a crit. Very gorgeous. So what's going to happen is his defenses are -2 for... Till the end of my next turn. So the next ally who hits it before the end of my next turn regains hit points if needed. So that's all I can do right this second. Yeah, that's my standard. No damage. No damage? Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. That's cool. Skeletal Cyclops 1 is going to target Maric.

And... I think one of my powers that I used on him automatically marks him. So he'll take 10. That's done. And that will hit. And... 41 damage to Maric. Una, your turn. Oh god, those fucking... Those are gnarly. Okay, I'm still targeting him. I'm going to use Thundering Smite. I'm going to roll that. Yeah. That'll hit him. That will... 37 damage. What do I get from Pig's damage plus? That ended. Already? Yeah, it ended at the end of my turn. And he's going to be knocked prone. On it. I applied that, yeah. Oh, gorgeous. God, I love this table. Yeah. So, Fee, go ahead. Your turn.

Hi, Jagee. So, if I use my unbalancing trick, I can shift two squares. So, can I get there? Yes. Awesome. So, that'll get me... That'll get me Combat Advantage, but he's already prone anyway, so... I think this should work with the... Yeah, Mila, basic attack. And that is 23 income advantage, but that hits. Yeah, it'll hit. Mila, basic attack. 17. And Sneaky Stack. 15. Nice. Alright, your turn again. Mila, basic attack. That hits. That hits. Damage. That'll kill the Cyclops. Whoa, fuck yeah, guys. Done. You guys are out of combat. What would you like to do? Sprint into that fucking cavern.

Do me a favor, roll a Perception check, everyone. It's the wrong cavern. 26. Did I roll that right? No, I did not. The reason that didn't roll for me. 29. Holy shit. Una, Merrick... You know what? Una, Merrick, Fee, and Kaluna... Are going to make their way through this cavern here, into this tomb. And they're going to come to a large set of double doors that have been opened. And you're going to see Valus standing in the doorway. In the room, you're going to see Jadci's body lying in the center of it. And Valus is just frozen in this doorway. What would you guys like to do here?

When the fuck this happens? Kill checks? Kill checks? Hey? Yeah, run over to her fucking body. Or wait, wait, maybe we should do his VR Arcana first? Nope, run over to the fucking body. Okay. Una would not care about anything else. At this point, Merrick would just run. Valus had rounded the corner and gotten to this and just saw her body and just froze dead. And after he sees the party join him, he is going to make his way over to her as quickly as he can. Who's going to grab her first? This is... Valus is going to lean down and be next to her, but he's almost afraid to touch her.

Una will touch her. Una will do things to see if she's alive. Merrick's going for it. He'll check. Whatever he can do. Alright. Both Una and Merrick are going to reach down and touch Jadzia, and her skin is going to be ice cold. And it does not appear as though she is breathing. And after a moment of you just kind of checking for some sort of vital sign, Jadzia's eyes are going to snap open and she is going to draw in breath aggressively. What would Jadzia's reaction be to the party? First of all, Jasper, it was really adorable that the second you found out I was alive, you rolled your hair in real check.

I saw. That was super cute. You're like, "Well, that's all I need to hear. Bam." Jadzia is... First, she's not even going to... She's just breathing, but she can't even move. She's pretty much paralyzed. And then she's going to need to look around and realize her friends are there. And just close her eyes tightly because she doesn't really believe they're there at first. And after she takes a minute to compose herself, even just a little bit, she's going to try to sit up. And then it's like a half scream, half gasp, and she's going to fall back down. And we'll gather her into her arms like a mom and just stroke her hair.

Heel check, heel check, heel check. Yeah, all the heel checks. Can we all roll them? Does it make a difference? While it would appear that Jadzia has been through something horribly traumatic and painful, it doesn't appear as though she's hurt in the technical sense. None of her limbs are broken or she's not bleeding. It's not... She didn't incur any damage in a fight. This was something else. This is more mental. And any damage that would have been dealt to her by this demon has been healed by you guys. This is just... Yeah, this is just the aftermath. Valus is...

He wants to do something and it looks like he's reaching out, but he's terrified that he's going to do more harm than good. And there's just this mixture of anger at himself for not doing something quicker, not seeing that she was going to run off and do this by herself, not being able to fight this demon for her, not being able to do anything. And he doesn't know if there's anything he can do to make her feel better, and it's just driving him insane. It's a huge thing for him to take in. What about everyone else here? Una would lean down really quietly and just like...

I mean, you kind of have to address the issue that you came here for. She regrets having to say this, but she's going to lean down really gently and just say, "Do you have your soul back?" Jodzi is going to reach out and grab onto Una, who is holding her, and pull her a little bit closer. And she's going to let out a small sob, but as she is doing so, she's also going to nod. Una will just squeeze her, like hella tight, and look at Valus and just get a tiny little nod. It's all good. Ish. Guys, I think that's a pretty good time for us to stop for the evening.

Coolie! No. Cool. It's like crazy midnight, 5am for people. I know. I'm good. I don't go to sleep until 7 in the morning anyway. Yep. Oh man. Dude. So you got your soul back real good? I really thought I was going to die. Were you guys doing like secret rules behind our backs? We're talking, yeah. Yeah. I knew it was going to go down. He was like, "Don't tell them you're alive." I was like, "Fuck yeah." So like, what happened? Like, did you trade the souls correctly or what? Well, you'll find out. You can just tell us now. It's not like it's going to ruin anything.

I could tell you, but I'm not going to. You'll have to find out. You're so mean. Seriously, motherfucker? Seriously? Yeah, seriously. First you make us listen to you breathing into our ears. Now you're not telling us shit. That's not even like a thing. I feel like you owe us. I feel like you owe us, Jason. It's not Medicaid. You can find out if you put $20 a month on the country. Fine. You really want to know? Do you know what? I'll tell you. Just relax. Just stop mocking me. Just stop. No, that'll never stop. I know that. That's a bridge too far.