Worst Case Scenario

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And also just check out the website and get all the Twitter stuff and all the Facebook stuff and give us all the likes. Thanks, hope you enjoy the show. [music ends] Let's do that thing where we go around the table. I'm Jason, I'm the Ninja Mask. Going around the table, start with Brie. Hi there, my name's Brianna, and I play John C.A. Grace, the Human Warlock. And Mac. Hey, I'm Mac, and I play Kaluna Vulgaris, the Wild Inchowman. And Izzy. Hey, I'm Izzy, and I play Oona, the Half-Elf Paladin. And Jasper. Hey, this is Jasper, I play Merrick Ethelred, Human Cleric.

So, last time on the show, guys, you made your triumphant return to Asterholt. - I need to rub it in. - I'm not... None of that sounded like I was rubbing it in. - Triumphant. - Yeah, triumphant. - It was a little passive-aggressive, Jason. - Sorry. I remembered a funny joke from before. So, you guys got back to Asterholt. You kind of... You had a little meeting with Seraph, and Oona found out some stuff about herself. You also had a run-in with Julie after getting back to your house, finding out that it's ransacked and that a large majority of the important books from Jadzia's collection, that used to be Darmox, has been stolen.

The rest of the house has pretty much been turned over, smashed up, and Julie tried to arrest the party, but more specifically Oona. They are hell-bent on getting those weapons back. Oona resisted, obviously. There was a fight just before that. Oona blew the horn to summon Amara to the city, and while Amara did come running, so did a bunch of red dragons. So that's pretty much where we left things off. You guys ran into the house, took Julie and Seraph with you, and you went into the basement, if memory serves, right? - Yes. - I think that was the plan, yeah.

- OK, so what would you guys like to do? - Do we want to fight the dragons? Because that's kind of vaguely what I remember, but I could be wrong. - Well, we've got a bunch of fires to put out right in a second. We've got an unconscious Julie. - Ha. That was a pun, right? Red dragons, fire? - Oh. [laughter] I didn't even think about it. - He sounded angry at himself for accidentally making a pun. Anyway, continue. - Well, no, I mean, it's usually very intentional. I'm a dad, so I don't want to let these things slip through my fingers. - Puns and building decks, that's all I can do now.

- That just means that it's so ingrained into your soul now that you're punning and you don't mean to. - It already was. - Punning in your sleep is terrible. - Oh. OK, so we have an unconscious Julie. We've got red dragons swarming Esterholts. We've got paladins, like a bunch of young... I'm assuming they're pretty young paladins, right? Like, these are pretty... - They probably got terrified when the dragons showed up and fucked off. We probably don't have to worry about them too much right now. - They're scrambled. Yeah, I don't mean that they're after us.

I just mean that they're scrambling. - Oh, yeah. - Well, from the basement, you will be able to... There are, like, windows, like, toward the top here, so you'll be able to look out onto the city and see what's going on. You could roll a perception check if you like, just to see what's happening outside. - Have you ever looked at the window in a basement? You can see all their feet. - That's a little teeny tiny window. - Well, I mean... - Well, people are probably lying on the ground dead, so we can probably see that. - We can at least get some sense of something.

- They're horizontal. - All right. - No, I just did a-- I just... - Everyone can if they like. - And no kalunas are perception-proof. - Yeah, cluster up to the windows. - Whee! - Actually... - Plus kalunas the tallest. Hey! - Hey! - Fuckin' hell, kalunas. - Yes, y'all! - Do I even bother doing that? - Second tallest, but yeah. - Okay, why not? - Yeah, actually, Merrick's pretty short. I don't think he can see anything anywhere. - I crit. - He's jumping. - That's two crits so far. - Yeah. - In a row. - Hellfire Jatia. - Okay, so let's see, kalunajatia... Una and Merrick, actually.

Well, you're going to look out in the city and you're going to-- in the distance, you're going to see a few of these red dragons kind of flying around, swarming, and every once in a while, you'll see, like, this cascade of fire just kind of erupting. Now, the cool thing-- well, not the cool thing, but the good thing, if there was a good thing to take from the situation, is these are relatively small dragons. But even small dragons, like fires, and fires spread quickly and fires are bad. - Give me these silly things. - The other thing you're going to notice is that these paladins did not fuck off and run away.

The ones that were still alive are actually trying to actively fight these dragons. - Okay. So, presumably, the dragons-- do we have a rough number? Like, what would we guess? - How many-- - There are seven, exactly, right? - Yeah. Okay. Um... - We might as well go help. - We have to. - Hang on. - Let's tie Julie up and then leave. - Yeah. - I was going to say, so we've got-- we can't take Julie with us, and we could leave her in the basement, but then... Ah, okay. - Why not? It's a dungeon. That's what it's for. - She's unconscious. - For now. - We're going to put her in the shackles.

- Yeah. - Fuck off. - We're going to put her in the shackles, leave her, like, a bowl of water or some shit, and then go fucking deal with the dragons. - She's going to drink from a bowl of water. - Some kibble. Yeah. - Some kibble. - Okay. - We'll leave her one of those little hamster bottles on the wall. That way she can restate. - Okay, let's go. Well, okay, here's an idea, though. You've got some paladins out there, Una, that are potentially swayable to be able to be kind of impressed by you. I mean, I know they've probably been-- had a lot of things said to them over the past couple of weeks or so, probably sort of tarnishing your name, but at the same time, if they're young enough and they're impressionable enough, they still might be impressed by the Fist of Kord if she were to try to lead them a little bit.

I don't mean the temple. I just mean, like, rallying the troops. Do you feel like that might be worth it? - Is that in character? - Sure. - Okay. - Or do you want to assess the situation? Do you want to just run out there and see what's happening? I just figure we've got them-- if they haven't gone, then maybe you could rally. - I think we should go out there, get the paladins to help. If Serif's people are still there, we get them to help. And we have to fight the fucking dragons. Maybe if Amarr is still in the void, can you release her from that? - She can only come back if she-- well, this is not Merrick saying this, but this is me.

It's only on save. - Okay, so you can't trigger her back. She has to do it herself? - Correct. - Okay, so at some point, hopefully, she'll come back and help us out, but up until then, we have to do it ourself. - Yeah, okay. Hey, Jason. - Mm-hmm? - Where's Serif? - Oh, he's in the room. He's very much eyeballing Julie. - Okay, that's what my next question was, is what's he up to? So if he's eyeing Julie, there's no question in my mind that he would be looking for an opportunity to create a power vacuum. - Oh, yeah, no, definitely. He's gonna kill her. So we have to give him a talking-to first.

- Are you discussing this in front of him? - Please, yes. - No, I don't think so. - No, no. - I don't think so. That was more like, you know, Merrick's sort of glancing at Serif to see what he's up to, and, you know. - I picture his eyes pinballing back and forth between the two. - It's kind of--yeah, it's kind of what I'm thinking, is, "Okay, let's get out of here. Wait. Hang on a second." - Yeah, Una will, like, gesture the stairs back. "Serif, after you, leave the paladin alone." - He's gonna think about this. He's still eyeballing Julie. Have you shackled her up yet, or is this--she's just-- - Yes, she is shackled.

- Yeah. - Who--canonically, who did that? Would Merrick have sort of taken her from you, or did Una go straight to the shackles? - I feel like Una probably--because Una's carrying her, so she probably set her down while Merrick shackled her. - Okay. - If he's down for that, I guess. - Yeah, no, he's totally--he wants-- basically, at this point, he's probably thinking, "Okay, we've got Julie. That's collateral for books." - Yeah, cool, cool. - Serif's gonna hesitate. He's not, uh-- he's not really about going up these stairs yet. And he's kind of--he's gonna start to move toward Julie.

And not making eye contact with Una. It would be so easy if we just killed her. - Oh, God, fucking Dad. Not in character. What a scumbag. Come on. - Can Merrick just-- can Merrick just, uh, as-- if he's moving towards Julie, Merrick's gonna just, at the same speed, just sort of get between the two of them. - Um, he's gonna--now he's gonna look at Una. You know she would do the same to you. - She probably wouldn't, actually. Whatever she is--stupid, ridiculous, a bad leader--she-- she wouldn't murder someone in their sleep. And I know that's exactly what you do, Serif.

But that's not what I do, and unfortunately, she's under my custody, and you're going to have to respect that. Let's go fight some fucking dragons, okay? You can get your anger out there. - He's gonna glance around the party here, just to kind of see if they're all on board with that, to kind of gauge the room a bit. Valis is going to advance towards the stairs. He's just--he's gonna leave this behind, and, uh... - He's just like, "I'm bored. Let's go hit something." - Yeah. - Fucking hate politics. - Stop talking. - He's, like, adjusting his bear traps. He's like, "Let's go, let's go." So Serif's not finding an ally in the room right now.

And he's gonna give it up. He's gonna--he's gonna-- he's gonna give it up, but he's very reluctant about it. - Okay, Una's gonna grab his arm as they walk out the door. - Okay, um... - And she'll-- - Sorry. To specify, we're shackling her, right? Like, she can't just run away when she wakes up. - She shackled, yeah. - Okay, she shackled. - The last thing I was gonna do is make sure that Merrick's the last one to leave the room, and before he does, he's gonna just triple-check that everything's taken care of for Julie in terms of keeping her, you know, safe but shackled.

Like, she's not gonna, like, choke on her, you know, like, her head, dank or something. - Her head inverts when she chokes on it. Some fucking hellscape. - Like, her lips reverse and start swallowing her own. - Oh, my God. - Like, her head-- like, her head--like, you know, if we had her arms up and her head's, like, facing down. - She's not like a baby. You'd have to leave her on her back. - Oh, my God. - That's how Hendrix died. - Oh. - Oh. - But Julie's not on drugs, hopefully. - No. I'm just triple-checking. Merrick is making sure-- - Now who's taking stuff to a dark place, Jason?

- Sorry. Um, Julie's actually gonna start to come too. Hey, hey, hey. - Excellent timing. - Ah, it's like waking up. - Was that her saving roll? - Yeah. - Not great. - Very groggy at first, very just-- and she's gonna start to try and move and realize she is shackled to the wall here, can't move. And she's gonna get a very panicked expression on her face. - Don't make me feel sympathy for you. Christ! - Who's in the room here? Who sees this? - Luna was probably lingering. - Yeah. - Yeah, Luna's lingering as long as Seraph is lingering. - And he's--yeah, now that she's conscious, yes, he's very much lingering.

Valos walked out. - Valos is like, "Fuck this, I don't give a shit. I'm gonna make a sandwich with a custom shit." - Words. - Words. - Okay. - Valos wouldn't vote, even if he could. - Yeah. She's gonna snap, like, snap her head over to the party here, not say a word. And then there is going to be a cacophony of screams and panic, obviously, coming from the outside. And she's gonna look over to the nearest window on her left and try to see out of it. Of course, basement windows aren't the best, as Brie pointed out. So it's very tough to get an idea. You're gonna see a lot of feet trample past and things like that.

It's, like, pure fucking anarchy outside. - Okay. Okay, Luna's gonna push Seraph, like, towards the door and just be like, "Come on, let's go. I don't wanna come back and find her fucking throat slit, okay? Let's move." And she'll, like, push him out the door and walk out the door with him. - Um, she--yeah, she--he'll, like, very reluctantly, but he'll start to move. Julie's gonna start to yell at the party, "You can't leave me here like this." - Uh, yeah, we can. - She's like, "What's up?" - Right. - Can John Cena walk over? - Yeah, if you'd like. - And she's just gonna kind of, like, glare at Julie and be like, "Where are my books?" - She's, uh, she's-- she's gonna look at Jatzia.

Don't you think there are more important things going on right now? - Ooh, that's weird. - Not for you. Where are my books? - So there is this intense gaze coming from Julie. Like, it is, like, staring a hole into--into Jatzia. Look, whatever you think of me, I don't really care. We took your books because they are considered to be dangerous, and you of all people should know about the man living here before you. - Julie's a cunt. Hey, remember your rapist? - Yeah. - Well, she doesn't know all of the details. She just know that she-- - Okay, he kept the small girl as a pet.

What do you fucking think, Cap? - She's choosing to ignore the details. There's plausible deniability. - Plausible? - Zoramut never told me that he did that. - Jatzia's going to just shake her head. "Knowledge isn't evil. Those books also saved me from him and helped kill him. Where are they, you cowardly fucking thief?" And she's gonna--she has a dagger at her side, and she's gonna take it out. - I've never loved Jatzia more. - As Jatzia is doing that, he kind of gets out of the way a little bit. - Um, are you--okay, so you're threatening her actively with a knife, or is it more just letting her know you have it?

- Um, I'm gonna say letting her know I have it for now. - You're calling me a coward? You had me shackled to a wall while the city burns outside. - Clearly, you fear knowledge at the very least. I fear what the wrong people would do with it. - So you destroy it even for the right people? You steal like a fucking thief in the night? Where are my books? I will intimidate now. - [chuckles] Ooh, that's not too bad. 21. So how are you-- so how are you doing it with the Intimidate? Are you, like, holding the knife to her? Are you going to, like, pull it out? - She'll grab Julie by the shoulder and, like, force her back a little bit and hold up the knife to her side, like, ready to plunge.

- You can tell that Julie's thinking about this. I have your books. They're at the temple. If you let me out of the shackles and let me go fight these dragons, I'll give them to you. - Yeah, the way I see it, Julie, you are collateral for these books, so we do need to keep you here. There's no way we're gonna let you out of this until we get what you stole. Do you understand? - They're not just going to hand them over to you. - Yes, they are. If you're as important as you think you are, then yes, they will. - You can't leave me just shackled to a wall. - Okay.

- But also, don't let her go. - [laughs] - No way. No, it's not gonna happen. - So can you imagine if we did this to fucking Una? Like, if we tied up Una and didn't let her fight the nine dragons that were attacking all of her friends? - Of course, but that's the whole point, is right now we've got her, as far as we know, unless there's something up her sleeve that we don't understand, we have her exactly where we need her, collateral for your books. I mean, what I'll say to Julie is, look, you don't understand what you've taken. You've taken something that wasn't yours, and you've basically taken the soul away from Jadzia.

- Choice of words, but okay. - She needs it back. - Well, but I mean, this is everything that's meaningful to Jadzia, so... - Right. - No, you are, right now, gonna stay right here. - She is going to snap at Merrick. "I could give a damn about those books right now. "If you care even a little bit about the people in this city, "you're going to let me out and let me lead my people "and at least fight them off." - Una-- - Do you wanna try to - homosize her and calm her down instead of intimidate? - Could certainly do it. - Something like, "Oh, we're gonna take care of your people.

"You're staying here." She won't calm down a lot, but it might make her a little bit less angry at us when we come back. - So... All right, so Merrick's gonna respond to her firmly, but he's gonna sort of do one of those close his eyes and breathe real deep, like count to 10 real quick. - Okay, okay. You wanna lead your people, Julie, and I get that. I completely understand. There's nothing going on here that we want to happen, but you wanna lead your people. You wanna lead paladins that you just brought to a mansion and taught them not courage, but how to be petty and how to steal.

So leading your people is not what you can do right now. The best thing you can do right now is be collateral for these books. We're gonna keep you here. You're gonna be fine. We're gonna handle this. We're going to lead your people. We've got the Fist of Cord, whether she believes it or not. We'll make sure that we take care of the dragons, but until Jadzia gets her books, I'm afraid there's not much we can do. - At the Fist of Cord line, she's going to tense up visibly and start to jerk at these chains again. - Shouldn't he get to roll diplomacy? - Yes, go right ahead.

But just mid-sentence, that's what her reaction would have been. - Boop. - Oh. - Two. - Actually, like, 16. That's not terrible. - It's not. It's not great in this situation. - Yeah. It's not enough, essentially. - Yeah. - I should mention that the first two times that I tried to roll it, but I hit the wrong place, it went 14, 13, and then down to two. - Oh. - It's long. Two it stands, 16. - Yeah, she is going to desperately try to get out of these shackles again, and a few seconds later, she's gonna realize that that's kind of pointless. And she is going to continue to snap at Merrick.

You're lecturing me about thievery? Una has two weapons of cord from the temple that she doesn't deserve. She doesn't even believe in cord anymore, and she's chosen to keep them. That sword was never even hers to begin with. - I think Judzia is just gonna try and knock her out now, 'cause this is not going well. And there are dragons outside, so we need to get moving. - I-- - She's gonna-- - Oops. - You know what? She's gonna look over at Merrick and kind of, like-- because Julie's clearly facing him, she's gonna kind of go, "Should I knock her out?" Like, with the weapon.

- Do you want me to just hit her with the hilt of my sword? - Uh... - She didn't see it. I can tell. - I kind of feel like-- - No, that wasn't for Julie. - For the moment-- I kind of feel like for the moment, Judzia would look at Merrick and be like, "Should I knock her out?" And Merrick just might just do it himself. Just like, "Fuck it." - One closer. I got her pinned. - Are you-- okay. Go for it. - Okay. - I don't know. Wait, hang on. Wait, let me think this through. Hang on. This feels like a bad move. - Just double time her. Like, Jackie hits her and she doesn't get knocked out.

Merrick just kicks her in the jaw. - There is a good point. It's unlikely that I will actually knock her out, but I'm rolling for it. You ready, guys? - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I want to think about it for a second. - It's fine, motherfucker. We're dragons. - Hang on, wait a second. All right. One thing that we could do, I could try to intimidate her alone. Like, everybody could just go and start dealing with the dragons and then I could try-- - Everyone else has already left to deal with the dragons. - That's what I'm saying. No, you could go. You can take off.

- Kaluna's still there. - Kaluna could take off. - I'm just gonna try and knock her out. I think it'd be funny. Okay. Athletics? - Rolling athletics. - All right. Come on, come on, come on. 17? - How are you hitting her? - With the hilt of the dagger. - Okay. So, Una's gonna come down with the hilt of this dagger and just sort of clunk her in the head. - That's Jadzia. - Jadzia. - Jadzia, that's Una. Jesus Christ. I'm used to Una doing things like this. [both laugh] So Jadzia's gonna come down with a hilt of this dagger and just slam her in the head. And you're gonna hear this... just kind of a thunk sound.

- Please knock her out. - And she's gonna-- - Please knock her out. - She's gonna recoil. And you did open her up in the head. Like, she--that is--she is bleeding from her head now, but that did not knock her out. She was just kind of, like, dazed for a second. And then she's gonna jerk, just absolutely frustrated at these chains. And you could--she is--she is staring at Jadzia. After the initial shock of it-- and you could see her eyes are a little glazed. After the initial shock of it, you can tell that if she were free, she would hurt Jadzia. Merrick. An intense wave of pain is gonna come over Merrick.

- Um, so much-- - No. Not while I'm fucking here with him. Yeah, this intense wave of pain is gonna come over Merrick, so much so that you are going to double over. Do me a favor, roll an endurance check. Okay, I would like to point out that at any given time that I could yell at Jadzia to run, I would like to do so. This is gonna be her mid-swinging. Ugh. If he does ever say run, I would like to do-- Oh, God, I'm fucked. - 17. - Oh, my. Oh, no. It did knock Julie out. This includes, you know, having come back from the high mantle, right? A little bit more in control.

Yeah, the problem with that. Yeah, don't even say anything. No, I'm giving you a reasoning so that you understand that it's not just me being a colossal dick. - I get it. - This is a perfect storm, to be honest, because Vala, Seraph, Una, your heavy hitters just left. Kalluna, Jadzia, Merrick are in a room in a basement while the city is burning outside. What's happening is, because you banished Amara and that took-- What's happening is it's taking a tremendous amount of effort for you to keep her there. You're gonna see him-- You're gonna see both of his hands just palm first down on the ground, spread out.

And Jadzia and Kalluna are going to start to see where his fingernails are gonna take on a claw-like shape and his fingers are gonna start to elongate. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna check a couple of things. One, Merrick, do me a favor, roll a flat D20. Okay. 16. So what's gonna happen here is while Merrick is sort of like on the ground, wolfing out, his Morningstar is gonna drop to the ground and the keys to the shackle. The keys to the shackles that are chaining up Julie here. So you two, Kalluna and Jadzia, have a decision to make. You have precious few seconds.

Jadzia would try to grab the keys to the shackle and unlock her very quickly. Kalluna, I'm not sure if you would run or not. I think Kalluna would sort of dart-- would see what Jadzia was doing and sort of dart in between as sort of a block just in case. Oh. To keep her from getting to the key or to keep Merrick from getting to the key? To keep Merrick away. Okay. Kalluna, you're so nice. It's my job. Oh, right. Never mind. Do me a favor, Jadzia, roll an athletics check. Can I do acrobatics? Are you jumping for the key? Well, I have to slide underneath Kalluna's legs to grab it or something, right?

It's on the ground. I would say this is more running over to it. Okay, I pictured him being very close and I just had to stretch over, but okay. Athletics. This went so well last time. Yes! -Yay! -23. I got those goddamn keys. So Jadzia's going to race over to these keys after hitting them drop and pick it up. Meanwhile, Merrick's entire upper body is going to start to swell and you can see his armor start to break away. So I'm taking it. Jadzia's going to race back to these shackles and get Julie out. I really wish I hadn't hit her on the head before I did this.

I really probably canceled out any goodwill I'm getting for saving her life right now. But yes. She will do that and as she's unlocking it, like the second it clicks, she'll say, "Kaluna, run!" and then we'll all fucking run out. Fucking book it. So Jadzia and Kaluna are going to start to take off the stairs and Merrick is going to start to enter the final bit of transformation here. Julie's going to reach for her weapons that were down near her while she was shackled up, but she couldn't get to, obviously. And she's going to take out her sword and square off and wait for Merrick.

Julie, no. I'm grabbing her. I'll grab her and pull her away. Julie's going to try and pull you off of her and completely not understand, "What the hell is wrong with you? We can kill him now while he's-- Why would you stop me?" Kaluna's just going to grab her hair. Jadzia's not even going to answer. We're just going to both pull her out. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Should be kind of obvious. Let's go. Like, it's not even worth an answer to her. Like, we're not going to explain to her now why his life matters. Like, let's just get the fuck out. Yeah, Kaluna's just going to snarl and just like, "Let's get out." She'll go.

She'll go after a few minutes, but she does not-- Not minutes, seconds. Seconds. Seconds, sorry. She'll go after a few seconds, but she is clearly not understanding the reasoning behind that. Like, "Okay, fuck it, fine." But she will follow you up. And I'm imagining you're going to barricade this big, heavy door. Yep. Very much so. Okay, so Julie will help you drag a nearby desk over in front of the door and kind of slam it up against it. And hopefully that will be enough to keep Merrick in, but we'll see. Okay, so Una, Serif, Valis are going to run up in the basement.

And what is the first thing you're going to do when you get outside? Perception check, just to see what-- the entire bullshit that's going on. Yes. Go right ahead. -Crip. -Ooh, very nice. The area closest to you-- Yeah, the area closest to you is going to-- is going to be the most immediate danger because it looks like there are three dragons in the area, and they are wrecking house, essentially. They are-- It looks like there have been quite a few casually so far. The unlucky souls who are not quick enough to get away, a few of these houses have been wrecked, and they are pretty much tearing things open in order to get inside, kind of like some sort of box of crackers.

And the rest appear to be in either different portions of the city or a couple just flying overhead. Amara is nowhere in sight, and these paladins are currently-- it looks to be about six or seven of these paladins are fighting against the three dragons in the square. So they're at the very least keeping them busy. Okay, so the dragons are basically trying to focus on the living humans. So if we're out there in the square flailing around and fighting, they're probably more likely to be drawn to us rather than fucking up houses to get at people. Pretty much.

Okay, good. 'Cause that's what I want. I don't want so much collateral. Okay, I'll rally the paladins, get them to fight with Seraph and Valus and I, and then when you guys come out, you guys join us, and then we all fight in a group. We just batter the shit out of the first dragon, move on to the second one, batter the shit out of the second one. Yeah, right now they're a little occupied. Yeah, yeah. So are they all fighting the same dragon? Right now they're sort of spread out. The three dragons are just attacking the cluster of them, and they're more defensive right now than offensive.

They're trying to take stabs at it and hack at it. There's a couple that are on the inside that are trying to stab in at its belly. They're underneath of it a little bit. So they're fighting the same dragon. For the most part, yeah. The ones on the flanks are just trying to hold their shields up and make sure that they're not getting obliterated while these dragons flank them. OK. Is there any distinguishing... Because I crit on this, so I'm guessing I get to be really fucking observant. -Yes. -Is there any dragon... Is there a distinguishing dragon? So I could be like, "The one with the fucked up eyebrow!" or some shit, like...

There's one that the paladins have whittled down a little bit. OK. But yeah, it's really... Other than that, there's nothing that's too crazy about them. The best thing... They are smaller. So it's not like... It's not like these dragons are so large that they're just... You are incapable of fighting them. They're really just a little larger than you. But they're plenty large enough to say, "Pick one of you up and fly away." Yes, they are like giant scaly horses. Yes. OK. Or not giant, but just gross scaly horses. OK. Um... OK, cool. OK, so... Basically, as soon as Una comes out of the door of this house, she will just hoist towards Fury as high as she possibly can and charge, screaming towards the dragons and the paladins and just say, "The weakest one!" And charge at it.

And yeah. Do I have some sort of diplomacy to get them all to focus a little bit? Oh, I don't think they're worried about diplomacy so much. -OK. -In terms of like, "Oh, we can't follow her. That's the one we're looking for." They're trying not to die and they're just trying to make sure that... -They don't have to roll any sort of leadership thing. -No. -OK, they just kind of get it? -They just kind of get it right now. It's just more like, "Look, set that shit aside. We're going to deal with these, because you can't reason with a dragon." This is more, you know...

Cool. So here's what we're going to do. Let me... Boop. So you can see the dragons there. So put your character where you want her to be. Well, here's what we're going to do. So as not to drag combat town to a sandstill and have you wait seven rounds, what we're going to do is at the end of each round, we're going to see what the paladins would do damage-wise. OK. Also, since I do have court scale, I know I haven't really used it. Could I use that in my offhand? If you're going to ditch your shield. Yeah, my shield gives me, I think, +2 to my AC. The only thing is you have no offhand attacks, you know.

Yeah, but that way I at least get to go twice, right? Technically, yes. So, yeah. So you're going to take a -2 to your AC, but you will have court scale on your end. OK. There's nobody around me who fights with a sword, and I'm not giving it a fucking serif. Well, why not? Gee, I wonder. Wanda doesn't really care that much what happens to it, but she does care like that, you know. But yeah, OK, I'll take the -2 to my AC in exchange for going twice in the initiative. All right. And if at any point I notice a paladin's doing extra well, maybe I'll hand it to them for that.

Something like that. Because if I hit twice, that's kind of terrifying. Yes. If you hit, you could swing twice, but we'll see. The more I swing, the more I get a chance to hit, right? Right, yes. Should I roll into the initiative? I would, yes. Go ahead and roll initiative, and I'll get... Not the worst initiative. 16, do another one. Oh, right. Yay, have fun. I get used to this. 25. Serif has a +18, god. -He's so weak. -Yeah, he's... So let's see, that's a 16 for Ranglaona, and then 8 for the other Ranglaona. So, yeah. And then let's see what... Valus is rolling.

Valus got 22, that's not bad. All right, so Serif is up first. And advance the round, boom. What are the Paladins? I described that at the end of each round, we're just going to see how much damage you do, instead of throwing seven separate Paladins, and then drag the fight down to... -Yeah. -Yeah. That's all good. Six. Serif is going to sidle up next to the Wurmling one. He is just going to run over and try to slide under. Just try and get his blade into his belly if he can. My dad is so cool. I just picture him like fucking Legolas. Little bit, tiny bit. Like dark-skinned, evil-looking... drow Legolas.

That is going to hit. So 22 damage and this dragon is poisoned. Hardcore. And that will bring up... Ooh, that'll bring up the Wurmling. Who is going to target Serif and try to claw at him. Ooh, shit, 36 will definitely hit. 20 damage to Serif. Valus. Shit. One, two, three, four. Okay, he is going to also sidle right up there next to the... next to the dragon. Target it and... You know what? Fuck it, let's go daily. From Hell's Heart. That will hit. 49 damage to the dragon and the dragon is bloodied. Attaboy. Wurmling 2 is going to target Valus. And use Double Claw.

That is going to hit. And that is going to hit. 26 damage, 25 damage, Valus is bloodied. Jesus fuck. Yeah. And Wurmling number one... Jadzia, don't worry, I'll bring him back if he dies. If I don't die. Julie can also do it. That's going to be... I'm sure she feels well-disposed towards him. Let's see, Wurmling 1 is going to be pretty pissed off that... that Serif stabbed him. So probably target him and bite. Ooh, that was almost a crit. Holy shit. 22 damage to Serif. Oona, your turn. Whoa, okay. She's going to run up to here. Right between Valus and her papa. Target, dragon one.

No, powers. We're going to start with something just kind of... regular, I guess. And do... I think it's... Ardent Strike. Let's do melee, basic. -Okay, that'll hit. -That'll hit. Okay. And then I'll do my weapon damage. 13 damage to the dragon. Pretty shitty. Ardent Strike, which I would have done, gives it divine challenge, so if it doesn't hit me, it takes damage. And... Um... I get another turn right after this, right? -Yeah. -Okay. So I'll just take that turn now. Mm... -Oop, go ahead. -Okay. We will try... Let's see. Debilitating Smite. So this is going to make it daze a hit.

-Almost a crit. -Wow, yes, nice. -That'll hit. -Nice. Okay. 20 damage. And it's dazed. And slip. Gorgeous. All right. Y'all done? I don't know. Should I Action Point and just try and finish it off? It's up to you. I don't know. I feel like I should save my Action Point until, you know... -Might wanna. -Something kind of more useful. It looks like it's almost dead, though. Would applying my little bonus strength thing help it die? -I can't tell you that. -Yeah, that's true. You know what? Yeah, I'm just gonna apply a divine strength at the end of that. So... Strength modifier... plus four.

So yeah, four more damage. Okay, not quite dead, but it's looking bad. This dragon is on its last legs. Okay, cool. Paladins of Chord. So let's firstly see how effective they are at hitting this thing. And we're counting them as a group. So 33. They're gonna penetrate its AC. So let's do this. They've done 22 damage so far collectively to this thing. Just kind of like... Just kind of scraping by hacking. Some of them are getting through. So that will kill the dragon. So the first one is down. Excellent. Which is the second most threatening one? They're both pretty threatening and they're both flanking you now.

Okay, yeah, but if we cluster, we're gonna get flanked no matter what. Right, yeah. But... Doesn't really matter which one. Is there any distinguishing march between the others? -Nope. -Okay. So can I just yell the right one or something? -Sure, if you'd like. -Okay. Then it will be the right one. Go! I would say that... That Jadzia, Kaluna and Julie... Would have emerged from the basement by now and are outside. It would not take much effort to see where the fight is and what's going on. They're pretty close to this mansion. Alright, so... Jadzia, Kaluna and Julie, go ahead and roll initiative.

Is it me? Initiative. That's me. That's sick 12, guys. By the way, do I sound okay? I had to move. -Sure. -You sound fine. Oh, sweet, I'm first to go now. Shit. So where should I put my token? Like, right... -Boop. -Oh, there? Okay. Wherever you'd like and then we'll... yeah. I'd like over here, not in the middle of the group. They were probably there enough when I yelled to attack the right dragon. -Yeah. -Okay, cool. I would say. This sounds dumb, but it will affect what power Jadzia would use. Can she see how fucked up Valus is? I would say that's one of the first things Jadzia would probably...

-Right. -Yeah, it's one of those things. You just look around, look around. There he is. Oh, shit. Like, yeah, he's not doing great. And daily. So, yeah, I didn't say it, but it should be said. Jadzia, your turn. Cool. Well, the Uno is still lit up, so I wasn't sure. Yeah, sorry. I will use... Hunger of Hader would do a group. But it would put all of you guys in darkness, because you guys just love standing next to the enemies. So I'll use Iron Spike of Dis against the dragon. Constituting versus Reflex. Yeah, that one's a good one. Oops. Well, I didn't have it selected, so that one doesn't count.

That is not how we do it. That's how we did it when we don't roll on the table. That is... No, when traditionally... Okay, never mind. It's fine. I missed. I'm sorry. Um... Oh, man. Okay, Seraph is... Seraph's gonna have to pop an encounter and use Stealth Shift. And essentially port over here to this dragon, and then make an attack. [thump] And that'll hit. Uh, so, okay. Dragon is wounded. Uh, that'll bring up Wormling number three. Um... Who is going to move right over here to Una. And target her. So... Uh, dragon is gonna use Double Claw. Uh, that... Wait a second.

You have 31 AC? -But it's really 29. -That misses... Yeah, even if it is. Okay, so, and the second one. Uh, that'll hit. Yes, it will. So... Oh, wow. He rolled ones on my cold image. Okay. Uh, so that'll just wound. Uh, that'll just wound Una. And that will bring up Julie. So, Julie's gonna raise into this situation and... Just sort of give a look over to Una before... Kind of begrudgingly heading over to this dragon. Um, and... Do you see that, paladin? She's obeying me. No. -But kind of. -It's more... So... She's kind of debating. Like, she sees that you're under attack by this dragon, and she...

She's gonna kind of give Una a look like, "Do you want me to help you?" Like, what? What? Like, what? Like, you're being attacked by the dragon that you... You didn't give the order to attack. So, Julie's more... Before she attacks the one on the right, it's more like, "Do you want help?" Uh... Dumb bitch. No. Uh... Una will just, like, look at her and just yell, "The right one!" Like, "Are you... Do no directions, bitch!" "Hold up your palms! Left and right! Come on!" -God. -You make a little "L". Yeah. For a loser. Um, so... Julie's gonna kind of grit her teeth after Una barks.

It's like, "Fuck you! I was trying to help!" Whatever. And she's going to advance toward this dragon. Target... Warming number two, and... Use Holy Strike. That will hit. 28 damage to the dragon. Uh, Valus... Oh, man, Valus... You know what? Valus is going to try to use Twist the Knife on this dragon. -And I guess... -Those fucking scales! I don't even know where its kidneys are! The approximate. He's, like, looking at a diagram of, like, dragon anatomy in one hand. Just aimlessly stabbing with the other. Um... Uh, let's see here. So, he's gonna... Oh, God. Okay, let's see.

Cross your fingers, everyone. This almost never works. One... That'll hit. Two... That'll hit. Three? That'll miss. Okay, so... He did... He did hit at least twice. And for some reason there's no damage value attached to that. It's 2d8. Yeah. So, roll that, please. Oh, that's why. Damage. 'Cause I have to be a fucking programmer sometimes. There we go. Boom. Uh, so, fourteen... and ten. So, twenty-four damage in total. That's not bad. Atta boy. And that will bring up... That'll bring up Wormly number two, who will attack. Yeah. Who will attack Valus? Uh, that'll hit. -Thirty damage.

-Uh... I'm gonna pop... Uh... Uh... Absorb-y damage. -Marker plus. -Absorb-y damage? Yeah. Absorb-y damage. Or... Wait, I have... No, divine body damage. That's what I have. Uh... Yeah. So, this'll start him taking... I'll take half that damage, and then I'll take half damage for him for the rest of the encounter. Okay, wow. Alright. So, I guess that just, in-game, if you wanna make it sound all dramatic, if the dragon swipes at him, Una will just, like, dart herself in front of its face and just let it chomp down on her. Um... Uh, and, yeah. Be all protective and well.

Well, that's really sweet. -So... -Looking at Jazzy as she does it. Like, this is for you, man. Uh, so, let's... Boom. Add thirty damage to Una. It's actually fifteen, 'cause I only take half his damage. -Fifteen. Okay. -Sadly. My bad. Boom. Oh, for the first one, it should be taken, like, all, you know? And then for the next ones, it should be taken half. Like, just... powers-wise, that makes more sense. But that's not the way it's working. That's the way I always thought it read. It's my bad, though. -Totally cool. -Oh. Is it not? -I could've read it wrong. -No, no, no.

You're probably right. You have the power in front of you. I didn't look at it. It's just, for some reason, in my head, that's the way it stuck. Can I just do it? Can I just take more of this damage? No. No, trust me. 'Cause if the fight goes shitty... -Yeah. Yeah? Okay. -...I'll feel guilty as fuck. Don't do that. Like, if the party wipes somehow, like, you just start missing everything. So, Una, your turn. Okay. So, after throwing yourself in front of the dragon, she's gonna wander around. Not wander, sprint. Mosey. Pants in pockets, whistling. Kicking the dust a little bit.

Yeah, she's gonna sprint around to this dragon and just slam it in the side. I'm going to use... I kinda wanna use something a little more difficult. So, I'm gonna use Valorous Smite on it. So, target the fucker. Use Valorous Smite. That is a hit. Yay. Roll damage for that. -There we go. -There we go. That's better. -All right. Sweet. -29. Okay, better. All right. And that's going to... do something to him. I think it sanctions him. -Yeah. -It's gonna do stuff to him. It does stuff, and it does stuff to him. It's horrible. Oh, no. My turn again? No, Kaluna's turn, actually.

-Oh, okay. -Yay, it's me. Okay. Pig me, sir. Makin' pig. I just watched Una or Kaluna at a bar, like, just like, throw somebody on the table, "Pig me!" It's like, "Do you want some bacon?" Bear, pig, the panther. If I put him right here, does that get in your way at all? Bree, Chad's yahoo. Um, I think we established that I can shoot through friends -because they're aware that I'm there. -Yes. -Yes. -Okay, good. And then, if he's there, is he within two squares of Seraph? Uh, one, two, yes. Okay, good. So, first thing I'm gonna do is I'm gonna heal some people.

Mm. Hopefully I'm doing this right. It's been a while. Blam, 15. So, you healed Vals for 15 damage. And then, Seraph, if he would like it, can get 1d8 of healing. I don't think he'd reject it. Wee! Four. Okay, good. Good, good, good. That is better than where he was. -'Cause he was bloodied a second ago. -Yep. I'm so helpful, and now... Now, I'm going to attack things. And I'm going to make absolutely certain that I am targeting the right thing. So I don't hurt people that I want to heal. In fact, I'm going to, like, triple check this. Okay. And I'm just gonna use Stalker Strike.

-That will hit. -Okay. Woo! And damage. 15 damage to the Wyrmling. And now Pig provides flanking. Yay! Uh, Una too. Yeah, so I get flanking now? -If you're standing on the other side. -Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. But I do get flanking. She is standing, yeah. She's on the other side of her dad, so yeah. If I get Familial Flanking, which is a +25. Familial Flanking. That sounds like some fucked up incest or some shit. That should be a thing, though. I have it on DVD. It's a French film. Okay. I think you're saying some shit about Jasper's wife, and he needs to fight you now.

I totally agree. Let's use... He's been dazed and slowed, right? Or is that the other one? Okay. -It was the one you murdered. -Right, yeah. The murdered one. I kinda wanna save some of my good powers for when we have to fight the other ones. So I'll just use a regular old Virtuous Strike on this guy. He's already targeted. Pop that shit. Yeah. 35. That will definitely hit. Yeah. Okay. Boop. Ugh. It only did the part damage. Can you change it? Do me a favor. Roll... Just for now, roll two more D10s. -Okay. -I'll just add enough. -Boop. -Boop. Okay. So 15 more. So 30 damage.

Okay. Cool. He's getting there, so hopefully the power doesn't finish him off. He is on his last leg. He's not looking good. Okay, cool. So that will end my turn. Guys, let's see if Amara saves. -Let's have some fun and see if Amara saves. -Alright, Amara! -That... Nope. -Amara! -So... -She's just chilling there in the void, like, "Fuck!" Yeah, another wave of damage. -So here's what we're gonna do. -But if Amara just dies in our basement... -Oh my God. -Wouldn't that suck? Is he still cursed if you bring him back from the dead? See, that's what I was worried about.

So I didn't do damage the first time this happened, Amara. So I'm gonna roll twice here for that. -And... -I don't like how many nice that was. Nah, that's not too bad. 23 damage to Amara. I'm just gonna call this out real quick. Izzy didn't do damage and you were like, "Let's not go back and fix that." But you didn't do damage and we roll it twice. Well, the dragon was dead. Fair enough. He wouldn't have let you anyway. I know him. Wow. You haven't let that happen before. Well, this isn't a combat thing. This is a roleplay thing from back when... Remember when he turned into a werewolf?

I'm just saying. -No, I don't remember. -I'm not trying to teach you. I swear. Could you just... I mean, personally, I have no recollection of him being a werewolf. I don't think that happened this time. Yeah, I mean, I think you're bullshitting us. Okay, I'm a colossal asshole who's out to kill this group. That's why the forums... Oh, sorry. So you admit it. He's trying to prove him wrong. Fuck! I got the forums thinking I'm favouring you guys, but actually... -I'm posting this on the forums. -Total party kill. I have an audio clip I'm putting up on the forums right this time.

Somebody should keep track, like a timer track, of all the times that we sit and plan moves and talk amongst ourselves. Like, okay, which one of these would work the best? We should attack them one at a time, right? Like, just time all the time we take to do that, and then post that shit. Just be like, "Here, we spent 45 fucking minutes "the entire session trying to figure out a fight. That's why we're good." By my tracking, it's about like an hour and a half so far, so... Let's just tell people it's twice as long as the rest of the episode. -Exactly. -Yeah.

Meticulously. Look, it's a chess game. Okay. So, yeah, another wave of damage, and Amara's still kind of locked away here. Jadzia, your turn. You didn't do the paladins. -You didn't do the paladins. -You are correct. Shit. Thank you. Please take him out so I don't have to hit him. [Jade laughs] Uh, 21 versus the damage. Yeah, that's... They're gonna largely miss. -Fucking paladins. -Yeah. They're weak and frightened, and their leader is shitty, so it's fine. They're weak and frightened and covered in pee. -[Jade laughs] -Half damage. Yeah, you have to, but they'll take it.

They're covered in pee. Uh, so... That'll be enough to kill the dragon, though. Shit. -Fuck yeah. Little palies, man. -Yay. Sweet. That decided what I'm gonna do this turn. [laughs] So, Jadzia. I'd just like to point out, I opened every single one of my encounter powers, 'cause now my... After the spike of Disks, like, after that, I have no other powers. Daily powers that'll work, 'cause everything's fire-based. I opened every single encounter power. Pretty much every single one is against Fortitude, so there's nothing I can do. But... -With that out of the way...

-You're assuming you bunch? -Hmm? -You're assuming that the dragons have a really high resistance to fire, or that their Fortitude's really high? I'm assuming their Fortitude's really high. I know they have a resistance to fire, 'cause they're red dragons. It might not be high, but I still don't wanna hit 'em with fire if it's... -Totally understood. Yeah. -Yeah. Like, I thought about doing my Hellfire Touch, but it's like, that would just basically cancel out their version of fire. Anyway, I'm moving. Now I'm concealed! Not that anything's hitting me. But I'm concealed now, and I'm going to use Diabolic Grasp against... the Wyrmling.

Diabolic Grasp... Hit! Miss. I will use the Dark Wyrmzone Luck. I'll pop that one and reroll. Diabolic Grasp again! Worse! I will do my fucking action point! -Okay. -Diabolical Grasp again! -Geez! Okay, it does have really high Fortitude. -Look at you! No. Let's see. Where's my... -Lucky Charm would add 4. -Where is my Lucky Charm? That didn't hit. That'd be insane. My Lucky Charm isn't here, actually. That's a daily, right? It's not... -Lucky Charm? -Just add 4 that'll roll with it, because fuck. Why isn't your Lucky Charm here? What, canonically, when we gave that back?

-Yeah. -I don't have it. -Do I just roll a D6? -Yeah, just with D6. Yeah. -Lucky Charm plus 4? -That will hit! Holy shit! I have such an aversion, like... I would not be able to put up with what Izzy put up with this whole arm, because the second I don't hit, I'm like, "Well, now I'm mad." I heard it in your voice earlier. You got mad. I was. Um, let's see. Diabolical Grasp. So, I am going to do this. And then I get to push him back. One second, let me open it up. -I just closed it. -Don't push him too far back, because I need to be able to get to him. I want him to be away from Valus, that's all.

He only gets to do one plus my Intelligence modifier, which is Intelligence plus 3. So I'll just push him... I can't grab him, but push him back, like... Izzy, how far can you walk? -Uh, 6. -6. So, push him back... 3. And then I'll be exactly 6. And you can do your cool flying thing. How's that sound? It set you up. -Mm-hmm. -Thank you. Actually, Una's speed is 5, because she wears-- -We'll push him back too. -Oh, shit. Okay. Thank you. I think with Wind Step, I get to move one extra or something. I would like to point out an asshole would have let you do that and then point it out on Una's turn.

But, you know, just don't out there. An asshole would also, you know, specify that he's not an asshole, specifically. [laughter] -Instead of just doing nice things to be nice. -I know. I'm just saying, I know that the history books will not take note -of what just happened. -Eh, eh, eh, eh, Wind Step. Until the end of your turn, you have a fly speed of 8. Bam. All right, send it back the whole 4. All right, so you're kicking the dragon back 4. -Yes. -1, 2, 3, 4. -Cat kick. -Could I use my Miner to be, like-- to, like, call to Valus and get him to come back?

He probably won't, but can I use my Miner to do so anyway? Sure. Like, she's-- that's what she's going to do. She's going to scream at Valus to come towards her, 'cause she doesn't want him fighting the dragon anymore. So, what are your words specifically? I think she'd just call his name, like-- 'cause that's all she'd really need to do, like, if-- like, she's really upset and she can see that he's, like-- I think he's wounded. Not bloodied anymore, but he was bloodied. Okay. So, she'll scream out his name and be like, "Come, like, do the hand thing." Come.

-Ew. -Like, "Come over here." -Ew. -"Ah, fanfiction!" Shh! Ahh. "Valus, use your clog to shower attack." Um... Ooh, he should try to spank the dragon. I thought that was a euphemism for masturbation for just half a second. That could easily be! Oh, guys, that's so canon. That's what they call it. Okay. Oh, disgusting. Jesus. Okay. Uh, Seraph... One, two, three, four... Uh, let's see, Seraph is gonna move up, and he is just going to... Why is he targeting Una? -Oh, he's not. -I don't know why he's targeting Una. -I'm sorry. -'Cause he's a dick. [laughter] Uh, he's going to try and stab.

Ah, that's his second, almost a crit. 16 damage to the red dragon. Um... Wyrmling number three is going to target... Uh, is going to target Seraph, and try to bite him. Uh, that will hit. Ooh, 32 damage. Seraph is bloodied. Julie. One... Two, three, four, five. That will square her up right there with the Wyrmling. Hmm. Uh, she is going to use Valiant Strike. Uh, 34 damage as a hit. And 22 damage to the Wyrmling. Uh, that will bring up Valus. He is going to... Um, he is going to fall back here... Uh, to Jadzia. And then he's going to pull out the Catton Hunt. Because Jadzia never specifically said, "Don't fight the dragon." You know what?

Fair enough. Good compromise, Valus. Good job. Good job. Plus, if your Catton Hunt can go that far, I'm just super impressed. I mean, I've seen your dick, but you know... I'm sorry, I had to bring it back. But it is really far away, so it's going to be a really cool move. Uh, 33. That will hit. Um, so this fucking chain is going to... He's going to whip this thing out, and it is going to snap down on... Uh, on the dragon. And... Hold on a second, Catton Hunt. Yeah. Uh, 24 damage. This dragon, however, is not going to budge. Um, and Valus is... effectively just attached to it.

Um, Una, your turn. Okay, um... Uh, let me see, just one second. Let me pull up my powers. Um, okay, so, uh... Speech is good, but we still have four dragons to fight after this. Otherwise, I would do a speech. We can do a speech at the end. Yeah, I was figuring at the final, final dragon. You know? -Or just on our way to the next one. -Or just on our way to the next one. -Next group. -The four other dragons are still in the city, fucking shit up, right? Oh, they're around. Yeah, so they're gonna come after us after these three, correct? -I can't tell you that.

-Okay. -Um... -I can't, that's not how it works. I mean, I can always blow the fucking horn, whatever. That worked really well last time. It just seems to kind of just have a thing with dragons, possibly. -Bring more dragons. -So who's gonna take that the fuck away from her? [laughter] For real, she should not be the help. There's no way there's more fucking dragons. Come on. Oh, God, I'm not gonna make that note. This is fucking fair, yeah? Okay, um, so... I wanna say something to them, but not necessarily. Um... -I'll give you an option. -Yeah. You can use your turn and roll a diplomacy check to try and bolster them.

What does bolstering them do? Um, they would do double damage on their turn if they hit them. Hmm. Okay. I've got two turns, fuck it. Um, okay, so... She'll raise both the weapons of Kord, just looking like a fucking badass. Um... And I can use a miner to pop Wind Step, because I have that, and that will give me the glowy, the lightning, the thunder, all the sparks and shit, so I look extra Kordian. Ah, Kordian. [laughter] -Oh. -Start the polka. [laughter] Just boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. [laughter] This is like creepy Calliope music. [laughter] Oh, god, if only.

So, she'll pop that so she levitates with lightning and shit everywhere, it's awesome. Um, white mohawk looking fucking sick. Um... And let's see, what's kind of inspirational? I want to distract them from Julie. Julie didn't say anything before she charged through the dragon, so... Maybe they're less inclined to pay attention to her. So, that dragon's gonna probably take off with Valus. Or... Or else Jason wouldn't have used the word "attach," so... Not if we kill him first. -Herrinoid. -If we kill him first, it'll be okay. Don't worry. This is exactly what happened to my sister in her first game, and I'm not fucking around.

I remember you told me this story. He remembers it, it's close to your heart. [laughter] Because he will use it against you. [laughter] Like moths, for instance. Listen to that fucking chuckle. -Like moths. -Listen to that shit. I listen. -That's all I just-- -This is like breaking my trust, is what everyone's getting from this, right? [laughter] Oh, my God. Okay. We're having fun. Um... Okay, so she'll raise both fucking things. Weapons, that's the word I'm looking for. She'll raise both weapons. Sparks flying off them. I'm guessing when two legendary weapons of court are close to each other, there's probably some cool lightning shit that goes up between them.

Just guessing. They're both metal, and there's a lot of lightning falling off. We've never established that with V. Oh, right. I forgot if I vote next time. -Okay, well... -A lot of people did. There's... Yeah, lightning everywhere. I don't know. Fucking wind, it's awesome. And she'll fly up into the air, say, "Tears, exhaustion, belief, nothing matters for Asterhold!" And then she'll go charge the fucking dragon. And smash it. Hopefully. Be really sad if I didn't. 17, 28, that'll hit. Awesome. Okay. I don't have any damage dice for that thing, so I'll just roll the damage dice and then add the seven?

-Yes. -Okay. 42... 18 plus seven. So 25. 25 damage. Cool. Okay. And then action point? -Okay. -I didn't roll my diplomacy thing. No. Okay, we're gonna have to go back. -Yeah. -So do that. So my turn was my minor, which was my move action, because I have that cool minor move action. And then my diplomacy check. And then my next turn was my... The problem is, Kaluna is in between that. Oh, shit. So here's what we'll do. We'll do the attack, and then on your other turn, we'll just roll the diplomacy. -Okay, that works. -Okay. So action point? Oh, yeah. Cool, I was gonna do that in the policy turn, but that works too.

Yeah, action point. And then... We'll just do a regular little melee basic. Do I have to make sure that it's all the right things or whatever? Let's just hope that's a thing. That is almost a crit. The table does not want to give you guys a crit today. I'm just gonna roll the seven things, because I don't want to bother with the weird... So roll that and then add the seven. Okay. So that's 30 something, 31. Why did that take you guys so long to figure out that it's so much easier? Well, the math should be just fucking correct, and I'm mad that it's not. Fair enough. 26 plus seven, I can't do math, but yeah, that.

-Yeah, I'm on it. -Cool. Kaluna! -Yeah. -It's not 38. -Luna! -No, I know! I was... [both laugh] It is 33. I was right the second time. -No way. -I was gonna say, I've already done the math and inputted it long ago. [both laugh] Okay, pig's gonna go right here. And then... We're going to do a thing. We're going to do things properly. Okay. We're gonna use Wrath of Winter. Let's see if it works. I hate everything. [both laugh] We are not hitting shit today. Action point? Um, no, 'cause I still have a minor action, and I can just do a heal. Which is equally good, I think, personally.

Blam. 13, you're healing Sarah for 13. Plus a healing surge. Plus a healing surge on it. I like having a healer in our party. -It's nice. -Nice. It is really nice, though. Didn't there used to be another? No. [laughs] We're going to pretend no. -Anything else? -I don't think we'll heal any other healer. -Nope. -Okay. [clears throat] [clears throat] Sorry, Ab. You all right? You good? No, no, no, no problem. He's coughing up a hairball. It's fine. [chuckles] Okay. I'm going to do me a favor and roll the diplomacy check. Yeah. [imitates gun fire] Okay, guys, let's do this.

Please, please do well. That would suck if it didn't. Oh, every time I say that, it does it terribly. So that's bad. [alarm] -Oh, okay. -That's actually quite good. 32. That's really fucking good. -Yeah. -They better be fucking incensed. All right, here's what we're going to do. These guys are going to roll double damage. They feeling pretty good? They pretty pumped? 50 damage to the dragon. -Fuck yeah for these diplomacy checks, man. -Okay, man. And Jadzia, your turn. -Oh! -It's not dead? It's not quite dead, no. Oh, fuck, man. Jadzia, please just kill it. Actually, hold on a second.

Let's see if Amara has escaped. -Oh, yeah. -No. -Nope. -No, fuck, man. -Another wave of damage. -Amara's going to die. Amara, you are the worst. 15 damage to Merrick. Okay. Now, this is getting bad. Jadzia, your turn. I'm trying to think if there's any way for me to unattach Valus from this dragon. -But I think the only way to do that really... -Just take his belt off. Wait, oh, it is attached to his belt. Holy shit, I need to take that belt off of him. -He's holding on. -Oh. -It's like a leash? -Kind of. -Like, it's not... -Okay, is it attached to his body? Just through his hands.

He's holding it like it's wrapped around his arm. All right, because in the pictures it is attached to his belt, but that's because that's where he holds it, and I'm not sure if he unattaches it when he uses it or not. But it is wrapped around his arm, dude, so... -He'll let go. -Still wreak his belt off. -Or I'll grab onto him, whatever. -If you kill the dragon, -then it doesn't have the time to fly. -Exactly. -Good point. -You know? So kill the dragon to worry about Valus. Okay. All right, I'm going to try Flames of Phlegithos, which is a fire spell, which kind of sucks, so before I do that, I will activate my Hellfire Touch, which is when I hit the next creature.

It'll take an extra five fire and necrotic damage, and then also... But that's actually ten, because I'm level eleven. I hope this hits, or else I take that damage. Flames of Phlegithos. And a miss. -Is it really like a first place? -Ow! All of my spells are plus twelve, it kind of lows. -Yeah, that's... -Great hits. Oh! No, I didn't move last... I did technically move last turn, so I'm technically Hidden Striker, which gives me combat advantage, which is plus two. -That's not going to help at twenty. -Hold on. Twenty... You're going to think I'm making this up?

I swear to God. Not that that means anything coming from me, but I swear to you, -his reflex is twenty-two. -Yes! -Holy fuck! -Yes! Woo! I knew its reflex would be low, which is why I'm like, "Oh, that sucks." -I rolled shitty roll. -Yeah, they're fort-based. Told you! -Did I just...? -I can't tell you if you're right or not. -Yay! You hit it! Roll for damage! -Sweet. Roll for damage. I feel bad, because every turn seems to be like, "Oh, I'm upset." But not really, I just don't like not hitting things. -You're not losing, I know. -I... Honestly, it doesn't even matter if I do shit damage, I just don't like missing.

-Guess it's ten. -So it's twenty-one plus ten, -so it's actually thirty-one. -That will kill the dragon. It's also immobilized, guys. -It won't go very important. -It won't go anywhere. Actually, technically it's immobilized five feet above the ground, so it's like a floating dead dragon right now. -It's kind of baller. -It's a bad glitch in a video game. All the pallets just vomit in terror. It's exactly the bad glitch, because that's in every video game where the monster will die like five feet above the ground. And it just sits there and you're like, "Ew." It's twitching lightly, like, "Eh." -Chastia.

-His physics are all fucked up on it. -Pint of body. -Would you like to capture this dragon's soul? Yes, thank you! I forgot that I have space now. -Mm-hmm. -I need to put that on my little sticky note of helpfulness. Oh, I closed the sticky notes because I have one huge one. Guess what that is. So, everyone's going to be able to see... Anyone play Skyrim? -Yeah! -Picture something like that, where you can watch the soul leave the dragon's body and it is going to come rushing toward Chastia. And the center gem here is going to light up green. And everyone is going to be able to see that.

So, the rest of you are fairly used to that. But, Seraph and Julie are going to take note. Are we officially out of combat? You right now are officially out of combat. Let me do one more thing here. Amara's going to try to escape her bonds one more time. Jesus Christ. Poor girl. -Marek, are you okay? -Are you dead? -You took 11 more damage. -Everything's good? Marek is not okay. -Speaking of good. -I'm sorry, I do like the... I'm good, everything's fine. He is not okay. He is fucked. Okay, so as soon as the soul nonsense is done, Kaluna is going to stomp up to Valus and they're going to unsheathe their dagger and hold it out to him.

Clearly, just like super anxious and angry and just hold it out to him like Hilt first. Valus is confused. And he's going to look down at the dagger. What? -Give us the other one. -Why? Kaluna's going to very pointedly not say anything and just sort of grit their teeth. I think it's time for a Perception check. Oh, he's not good at these, honey. -Kaluna probably should have said something. -17. Oh! -Good job. -That's probably lower than her... He's not looking. He's not looking for something in Kaluna. He's going to look around the party and realize Marek's not here.

And he's going to put two and two together. Where is he? Kaluna's going to flip the dagger into a "I'm ready to stab people" position. Valus is going to drop the Kettenhoon's chain and reach for the dagger at his side. Ooh, I haven't dismissed Pig yet, guys. By the way, is the Kettenhoon still wrapped around the neck of a dead dragon? -Yes. -That's unfortunate. Yeah. That's the problem with that weapon. It needs to be retrieved. -Still pretty baller, though. -Mm. Pig's still all the way over there. Could we see that Pig's closer for roleplay reasons? No. [Pig coos] [Sighs] And Jotzia just kind of touched Valus's arm and gnawed.

Give her the dagger. It's fine. Give them the dagger. Sorry. Um, he's... Can I diplomacy check on this one? -Yeah, go right ahead. -Let's do that. That's better for roleplay reasons. I'm not good at it. I'm just... I like relying on the dice. 15. -Mm. -I'm your girlfriend. That should be like a plus 20. Let's go. [Laughter] That actually makes it 35. [Laughter] It's like familial flanking. [Laughter] -Is that Kennen now? -No. -Oh. -She was so excited. [Laughter] Valus is going to draw this dagger from his waist here, and then he's gonna hand it over to Kaluna. Kaluna's gonna...

Kaluna's gonna almost drop the other dagger, but they'll make sure that Valus has it first before they sprint back to the house. Mansion. Um, so yeah, Valus is gonna take the other dagger, put it back in the sheath. Uh, Oona's gonna look back at Brie and Valus, just like, with a clearly, like, really anxious look on her face. -Jedzi and Valus. -That's right. Um, Oona's gonna look back at Jadzi and Valus, um, with a, like, clearly really concerned look on her face, like, "Holy shit, are they okay?" Like, "Whoa," like, 'cause she saw Valus get bitten, she jumped in for him, and then she kind of ran off, so she didn't really see what else happened to him.

Um, but when she sees they're okay, she'll, like, kind of calm down again and, um, look over at the paladins and look for the dragons. Do I have to roll a perception check to see where the fucking dragons are? Are they coming towards us and shit? Um, everyone roll a perception check. Wow, I saw fucking nothing. Of course not. Uh, Julie's gonna roll two. Wow, no one's seeing shit. You are gonna hear commotion coming from, uh, coming from the northern portion of the city, and you're gonna, you're gonna... You'd have an idea of where these dragons are. Um...

Valus is gonna wanna follow Kaluna. Um, Julie is going to start to make her way toward the northern portion of the city and just break away and call out to these paladins to follow her, and they're going to start to... Seriously, my diplomacy attack didn't work that well? Come on. They're not just gonna leave the temple, basically. They're gonna fight next to you, and they, they... I mean, you inspired them, but they're not just going to... And they didn't turn against you and try to arrest you or some shit. They're just, the city's on fire. Bigger things.

-Yeah, no idea. -Really, really quick. Uh, Valus can't. He's still attached to the dragon. He, he, I said he dropped it. Oh, he just left the Kettenhund behind? Well, he dropped the chain 'cause he thought he was gonna get stabbed for a second. But Valus is gonna retrieve the Kettenhund and, and... and wrap it up again. Jensie would try to convince him not to follow. 'Cause there are fucking dragons, and that's kind of more important. Like, Merrick's, like, she doesn't know that Merrick's hurting himself right now, you know what I mean? Like, she thinks Merrick's just being a werewolf downstairs, and he's fine, we blocked it off.

So, Valus is gonna ask a very important question. Did he turn? Shit. Jensie wouldn't lie. She also doesn't have to answer directly. Jensie is going to just say he's locked away. (dramatic music) Then why did they need the knife? I don't know what Kaluna and Merrick's relationship is. I can't tell you. But I know right now, he's safe, and there are villagers here who aren't. I think one's more pressing. He's gonna... He's gonna give one last look back toward the house, and then grumble, and... He's gonna follow Jadzim. Cool. We will go where Una goes. Yeah. Una, you should try to get those troops back.

Yeah. She took off, like, at the same exact moment that everyone else did, so she's not letting Julie get there before her. That is not how this is gonna work. Serif's gonna give a look around. You guys bring fucking Serif with you. Nah. Don't let him fuck off. (sighs) Serif's gonna give a look around. And he's gonna... You can tell he's hesitating for a second, and then he's gonna... He's gonna give a little jog and try to catch up with Una. Aww. That's kind of adorable, and I don't know why. I just, like... That is really adorable. I thought he was gonna fuck off and do some sneaky shit.

Like that half-jog dad jog thing that some dads do when they wanna catch up to their kid, like, you know... Like he's following behind you on your bike and it's the first time you haven't used training wheels. Oh. (laughs) Just trying to recreate all these, like, memories that we never got to make. Aww. He's wearing, like, khaki shorts, 'cause that's what every dad wears when they teach their kids to ride their bikes. I don't know why. Does he have a fanny pack? Oh, definitely. Aww. That's where he keeps his poisons. (laughter) Dads can have hobbies. (laughter) Gardening.

Kaluna. Yes. Um, what would they be doing here? What, like, you're heading back? Are you just kind of on the other side of this door? Are you trying to get in? What are you... Definitely not trying to get in. Okay. Um... I imagine they would've dismissed Pig when they left the field of battle and then sort of brought him back once they were at the door, just in case. Mm-hmm. And, um, can I, like, roll a perception check or something to see what's going on behind the door? Like, if I hear angry wolf sounds? Let's... let's do something first. Merrick. Yes, sir. The entire time this fight is going on...

I am imagining Merrick is trying to get out. Would I be correct in that assumption? I... I mean, as a werewolf, I think he would just be trying to claw. I mean, there's two things going on, and I don't know how much Merrick would be able to do anything about it, but he would be trying to push the monster down. Mm-hmm. But at the same time, I'm sure that the werewolf would be doing exactly the opposite of that, trying to get out of the door, just trying to wreck havoc. Right. So let's... let's do a couple of things. So, okay. The problem with the endurance check thing... is that the entire time that they're in this fight, damage is consistently being done to Merrick over and over and over again, which is going to raise that check higher and higher and higher.

He's under more stress. He's under, you know, more duress. So what we're gonna do is... We don't know what Merrick was trying to do after he turned if he... if there was a... if there was a second or two where he's... he's getting ahold of himself. So do me a favor. Merrick, roll a saving throw, but we're gonna... we're gonna do it with a negative two. Okay, and that's just a... -Flat 20? -Flat 20. So that's an eight. So that's not. So after he would have turned, he would have started to attack that door. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna roll... we're gonna roll an attack or two against this door to see if he were to get out.

So let me get in the initiative tracker or... No, no need. I'm joking. Well, the thing... -I target the door. -Right. I target the darkness. Merrick, do me a favor. Roll a d20 plus 18. Okay. -So 23. -23 is gonna hit this door. Roll... God. Roll 4d12 plus 10. Okay. Ten... 33. Oh, man. Okay. Merrick is going to just claw and rake and slam against this door. And he is going to start to kind of plow his clawed fist in... through it eventually. And he's going to start to create holes. Now, the good thing is that there is a desk on the other side of it. So it's going to add to the hit points of this door.

So you're looking at about 60 hit points total for Merrick to be able to break through. So do me a favor. Roll one more attack. That would be plus... 4d12 plus 10? -Or attack. -Yes. Just go ahead and roll damage. It's already been established you're hitting the door and it's not moving, so... -39. -Oh, shit. Kaluna? Hey. Kaluna is going to arrive at the mansion again. Can I clarify that I am holding the dagger still I never sheathed it? Yes, you absolutely can. So... Kaluna is going to get to the front door of this mansion. Now, is this a thing where she would just charge in thinking that he has been...

It's a little meta. I know that there's a chance for a little meta here, but is this a thing where Kaluna would be just charging into the mansion to get to the door and be on the other side of it? Or are they a bit more cautious? Um... I want to point out again that they summoned Pig once they got to the mansion. -Okay. -But they definitely would have just charged in. All right. Do me a favor and roll a perception check, please. [laughs] -Yup. -24. Over the commotion... Over the commotion outside with the dragons and people screaming, it's very difficult to hear what would be going on inside this house.

But... After Kaluna frantically runs inside, she's going to start to hear a noise coming down the hallway. And what it sounds like is... Picture... Picture a very large dog that you're trying to give a bath to and they escape the tub and are running down the hallway and they're frantically sliding all over. But picture that dog is almost seven feet tall and is just claws and teeth. And you can hear it running down this hallway. And it is very angry. -I'm getting-- -Pass. [both laugh] I don't know whether Kaluna would run or not. Since I have time, can I pop a power?

Um, sure. I want to pop a daily. -Okay. -It's called Enter the Crucible. Let me read what it does. [both laugh] See, I was prepared for this. Your body returns to the Discipline Stance that enabled you to survive a thing, which I assume is not actually a thing in Theria, but it's a stance. Um... Effect, I lose a Healing Surge, but until the end of the encounter, I cannot be weakened and I gain resist 10 to all damage. All right. I guess I'll clear out the combat tracker. Coming around this corner, this very large werewolf version of Merrick is going to claw its way into sight.

Now, Wolf Merrick is going to lower his head and look directly at Kaluna. Merrick, I'm going to give you one chance here, one regular saving throw, no modifiers, to see if that would temporarily snap Merrick out of his completely rabid form here. This won't change you back into a human, but it'll give you a second of lucidity. Go ahead and roll a saving throw. I think if there's anything that would, it would be a silent call. That's what I'm thinking. 15. 15. Yep. So for a brief, brief window, the ferocious look that would be in Merrick's eyes is going to dissipate just a second as he locks eyes with Kaluna.

What would be Merrick's action? I think Merrick would, if he were to snap out of it for just a second, he would stumble backwards. Like he would try to catch the werewolf, if you could think of it that way, and sort of jerk him back away from Kaluna. Can you use your action to roll endurance? Probably not. Just kidding. I lied. I would let you do that. It's either, I'm going to give you a choice. You can either try to back off down this hallway and buy Kaluna some time, or you can just lock yourself down and try to get ahold of yourself. Hmm. I think his first, I mean, in that brief glimpse, I think the first concern would not be about himself.

It would be about Kaluna. So whatever it would be, it would be to make sure he could give her time, or them time. Mm-hmm. So backing it down the hallway. Yeah. Just kind of like, thinking of it like if there were two people there. There's Merrick and the werewolf. And if Merrick were actually there, he would grab the werewolf and just, without thinking about his own safety, just pull the werewolf away, is kind of how I'm imagining. So Merrick is going to lock eyes with Kaluna, and you can see that he's trying to wrestle with this, and he is going to streak back down this hallway.

What would Kaluna's action be? [laughs] Kaluna is the worst. I hate them so much. I'm trying to think if there's a practical way that Kaluna could get someone's attention, but I imagine they're too far away at this point. Yes. And they aren't going to let him out. But I also don't want to die. [laughs] God. Oh, fuck. Well, I knew this was how they were going out anyway. Pig's gonna--I'm just gonna reposition Pig so that he's blocking Kaluna somewhat, and they're going to stand their ground. Just in case he comes back. All right. Here's what we're going to do.

Amara's going to try to get free one more time here. Fucking Amara. [laughs] How dare she not want to be trapped in the Shadow Realm? Wow. Okay. So Amara just saved. Thank God. Seriously. So catching up with the rest of the party. [laughs] Holy fuck, a dragon. Um, catching up with the rest of the party. Overhead, everyone do me a favor, roll a Perception check. Jesus Christ, yeah. I percepted the fuck out of that. [laughs] Una has a good connection to Amara. She likes her. They're buddies. But Jadzia does more so, so I don't really understand, but whatever. Um, everyone in this party is going to hear a tremendous boom go off, almost like a bomb.

Um, and it is going to reverberate. Um, you can sort of feel the shockwave of this. Uh, in your core, you can just feel it. Um, and I would imagine everyone is going to look up instantly. Um, and you are going to see this rift open. And Amara, head first, is going to come streaking out of it. Um, and just sort of snake her way out, and then the wings emerge, and she is going to give one flap, and almost fall out of this, and fill the sky over Esterhold. That's awesome. Amara has, like, metal come to life. [laughs] And she is going to start to attack these dragons with ferocity that you have never seen in her before.

Um, she is going to pass by and just clamp down her jaw on one of them, killing it instantly, and as she streaks by, she is going to rear up and grab one of the other ones in, uh, in one of her, uh, in one of her feet, and just keep moving. She doesn't, she doesn't stop. It's just one swift motion. Two of the remaining four dragons are gone, dead. Um, that is happening above you. Um, what would the, what would the party like to do? Fucking cheer. Like, as soon as Una comes back and, like, rips apart the dragons, Una will literally, like, just like, "Amara!" Like, like at a soccer game.

Like, with the force of ten thousand Mexican soccer fans. [laughs] It's weird that they're Mexican, but okay. -Have you, have you seen Mexican celebrate soccer? -Socker, yeah. -Socker's big all over the world. -No! -Futal! -Yeah, seriously. Uh, Europe and Mexico, intense. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Um, where's Julie right now? 'Cause I know she walked towards the temple. -Is that still in progress? -She's pretty much with you guys. -Okay, cool. -She was walking, she was running toward this. Like, you all pretty much broke away at the same time, so. I thought I heard temple, and I was like, "She's going to the temple, I'm fucking going with her.

-I want my goddamn books." -No. I let her go. I think it's from the direction of the temple, but like... It caused brain damage, but I let her go. [laughs] All right, so the party. So, Amara's free, and... And you are all advancing to where these dragons are. Now, this is the northern portion of the city. What's... There are a couple of dragons that have landed and are beginning to start small fires here. Are there... Is this the thing where you're just going to go charging in and check, 'cause you're still a decent distance away. Um, can I get some sort of plus if I try to inspire the paladins again?

Or can they get some sort of plus? What are you trying to get them to do? I don't know, like, just same kind of thing. Like, strike one and then the other. You know, kind of like we were doing. I just want to amp them up. Like, they just saw Amara take... Maybe I should save it for when the last dragon is alive? What do you think, guys? -Yeah. -Yeah? Okay, yeah, yeah, just charge at the nearest dragon. All right, that's still... Everyone give me an athletics check, please. 'Cause this is you running across the city of Asterhold and trying desperately to get this, so...

Fourteen. I'm so athletic. -Eleven. -Oh, holy shit. Why is it so bad? -I'm surprised you're not... -You're running in full plate. I should have athletics trained, though, I guess. Maybe not. -No, I don't think you... -I thought I had something like that. -Oh, whatever. -I don't think. -Let's double check. -She'll be a little slow. No, no, all my skills are trained, but I thought I had better athletics. It's okay, at least that means Judsy can keep up. So, Seraph... 19. Oh, wow, he rolled a three. 19, though. Well, fuck her. Julie... -23. -What? -And... -She's beating me, I don't like it.

And Vallas. 15. Okay, well... We're all pretty much keeping pace with each other. Yeah, Julie's gonna start to break away a bit. -So, she's definitely... -Cunt. What a whore. How dare she run? You're supposed to be in a pack, bitch. She never agreed to that at all. I know. I just hate her. I'll kill her after this, it's fine. Wait, did the paladins get their own roll? If she just left them in the dust, too, that'd be really funny. Let's give them a roll here. -28. -Holy fuck, they just grit. They leave her in the dust, actually. She looks kind of pathetic, tracing after them.

They're all amped up for my awesome speech. So, Julie and these paladins are gonna start to pull ahead. And they're gonna get to the opposite end of the city here. Just a little bit sooner than the rest of the party is going to. And... Here's what I'm gonna do for you guys. Let's...okay. You guys said you want to charge in and attack these last remaining dragons, right? -Yes. -Okay. That's what I wanna do. I don't know about you guys. -Okay. -I'm good. Let's cut back to Kaluna and Merrick for a minute. Why? Don't we wanna see dragon battles? I mean, that seems way more exciting.

That's just me. Well, while the party's fighting these dragons, I wanna know what's going on in this house. So, Kaluna's standing here waiting for Merrick to come back, if he were to come back, correct? -Yep. -All right. -With Pig as a barricade. -Yes. This has been established. -I just...I've gotta be safe. -Right. -Merrick? -Yes. -Okay. -Is there a question? -Oh, sorry. There's one coming up. I just wanna make sure you're here. -Oh, no, I'm here. So, Merrick runs to the other end of this hallway, and what would be... So, you have a couple of seconds here of control.

Like, is it just get as far away as possible? Yeah, I think...I'm just trying to think that the panic that would be happening in that moment would be just to get away from Kaluna in order to protect. -Do me a favor. Roll a saving throw. -Okay. -Sixteen. -Excellent. Now, one of the good things is that constant damage is no longer being done to you. So, where would you run? Is it back to the basement? Is it...you trying to go upstairs? Like, where... No, I mean, set the stage a little bit in terms of the way this is laid out, 'cause I was thinking of barreling out of the basement door, and then I'm not sure from there to the stairs up, like, how does that work?

So, basement door leads into the hallway. So, if you were to hang a right out of the hallway, 'cause it's kind of a dead end, so right out of the hallway, you'd barrel past the kitchen again. Through the kitchen is the back door where the hedge maze kind of used to be. Now, it's more of a hedge, like, mess, kind of. -Lawn. -Yeah. Kind of a lawn, basically. So, if you barrel past the kitchen, then you'd round the corner, and you'd be in that big living room area. That Kelowna is standing in. Is it weird that I have the house layout in my head? Like, I'm looking at blueprints in my head as I'm talking about it?

I think it's super cool and super helpful. Yeah, and totally not how I had it in my head. -So, it's... -Okay. But it still works. Like, it just spatially, it was probably... Okay, that probably helps tonight. Okay. Okay, so, I imagine, so, Merrick bursting out of this basement and then straight down the hall, past the kitchen, towards Kelowna, and then he would just back up, I think, to the end of the hallway. I don't think, I mean, I don't know how much capacity he has for thinking things through, but I think just in terms of panic, it would just be get away from Kelowna, basically get into the closest corner he can find, which would, I think, would just be the end of the hallway.

The end of the hallway. So, let's say that he made it to the end of the hallway in the first roll. So, if you would like, I'm gonna give you a chance to get ahold of yourself. Okay. So, I think that's a good idea. So, do me a favor and give me an endurance roll. All right, let's do it. Ugh. 21. That's not bad. That is not gonna quite do it. But that's not a terrible roll, and it's not, again, no ongoing damage. Is Kelowna gonna continue to stand here, or are they going to pursue, or at least peer down the hall, anything like that? Um, if I send Pig to check out the hall, can he like, signal me?

I don't think that's quite how it works. Not like, not like anything elaborate, but just sort of like, in case Merrick comes charging back, I have some sort of warning because Pig would be like, "Oh shit!" I thought you were talking about like, marine hand signals or something like that. No, no. Okay. Um, I would allow that. Okay, I wanna do that. Okay. So, Bear the Pig the Panther is going to move into the hallway and just stand there looking down the other end of it. Let's catch up with the rest of the party. I just have this image in my head of like, you know how Sirius Black and James Potter and whatever the fucking other thing's name is, all like, become animages or whatever to keep Bloopin like, safe and shit?

Wouldn't that be cute if we did that for Merrick? Oh my god. Hello? 'Cause I just thought of Pig like, just like, another animal like, soothing another where will we thing? I don't know. I like it. Okay. So, Julie and these paladins are gonna get here just a few moments before you and they are gonna take their positions in front of these dragons and-- Oh, see the dragons. Where are the dragons? Hold on a sec. Boop. Shit, I should've told Valus not to use his kettin' fund anymore. He's a smart guy. He must've figured out why that was a bad idea when it didn't work the first time.

He's not that smart, honey. Try--he's not an idiot. He's a smart guy. He knows weapons at least. Fair enough, yeah. Dumbass paladins, focus on one dragon, bitches. Also, try not to get flanked again, guys. Yeah, fuckin' hell. Julie, you're sucky. Terrible leader. Alright, so, again-- Do the best you can. Leave Julie alone. No. No to leaving Julie alone or no to the reference? No to leaving Julie alone. The reference I enjoyed. Everyone do me a favor. Roll initiative. Fuck yeah, best initiative yet. Whoa, look at Julie. Hunt! She is out to spite you. Seriously, she's just showing off.

Totally. Una, are you gonna do an una two? For a quartz gale. For a quartz gale. Oh, right, yeah, thank you. Do you wanna do that? Yes. Yeah, that was my question, was like, is that your thing? Would you like to have two turns instead of one? Well, it takes away from her AC. My AC, if anything, can take a hit. So, nine for una two and... 24 for the first one. Alright. Did you roll for the paladins? They-- Oh, they go last, right? Yeah. Again, I didn't wanna add. Yeah, no, my bad, sorry. It's cool. Let's see here. Julie is going to move toward Wyrmling 1. And she is going to use...

You know what? She's gonna use Thunder Smite to open this up. So, target. That will hit 44 damage to the dragon. Julie's gonna pop an action point. And she is going to... She's gonna use Holy Strike. That is gonna hit 26 damage and she'll use Divine Strength. So, that is 76 damage in total to this dragon. Chazia's turn. I think... Alright, I am going to use Rigid Darkness, even though it probably won't hit because it's against Fortitude. Let's just get all these Fortitude ones out of the way because it's not gonna work. Rigid Darkness. Miss. Done. I'll also mark the dragon.

I'll use my Warlocks Curse. Okay. Valus is going to... Let's see, one, two, three, four, five. You know what? This will enable him to get behind the dragon. He's just gonna use his Greatsword. Ooh, almost a crit. They will not let you have a crit though today. 19 damage. Okay. I'm wondering if I should delay and let Seraph go in case I can get flanking with him. Yeah, I'm gonna delay and let Seraph go. Alright, Seraph's turn. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Damn it! Wrong fucking dragon. Fucking idiot. He knows the fucking drill. Come on. Again, you're not the boss of him.

I should be. Seraph is gonna target Wyrmling number two and... He's gonna use stab. That'll hit. 17 damage and the dragon is poisoned. Wyrmling number one. I'm gonna reinsert my turn. Okay. Boop. Okay. She's gonna be like, "What the fuck, dad?" Fucking Seraph. Okay. Una's gonna give him a look of exasperation like, "Fucking seriously?" But then go flank with him so that he won't be alone attacking the dragon. She's like, "I'll leave her dad to fight things alone." And let's open up with a daily. 'Cause why the fuck not? Oops, I wasn't targeting it. Will 33 hit?

Yep. Cool. Control. Target that one. Then I do the damage. I hope the damage works. Should I just roll the damage separately? Just roll the damage separately. I have no confidence. This is three weapons, so it's 6d10. So 32. Yep. 32 damage to... And then it's gonna knock him prone. Ooh. Okay. So it's Slendering Smite. So she basically just smashes her hammer down on him so hard, thunder erupts and he collapses. Okay. And that will bring up Wyrmling number one. Wyrmling number one is going to target Julie. Real quick. Yes. Is there a plus to that attack, Izzy? 'Cause it's 32 plus seven, isn't it?

Oh yeah, sorry. Ooh, yes. 39. Thank you, dude. Good save. Let's see. Dragon Wyrmling number one is going to use double claws against Julie. That is gonna miss. That'll hit. 24 damage to Julie. Two is gonna use this move action to stand up. And use double claws against Una. 26 is gonna miss. 30 will hit. Yep. 18 damage to Una. Okay. That'll bring up Una too. Okay. 18 damage without even fucking flinching 'cause she's a badass. Um... Let's... I kinda just wanna kill this fucker. I mean, I should try another daily. Okay, yeah. Target. Uh... Martyr's Attribution? We're gonna have to fight after these guys.

You can use that. Oh, I have. That's right. I've used that on the first player. All right. Thank you. Let me mark that off. I don't think I used On Pain of Death. No. Okay. I will use On Pain of Death. This is versus Will, but they have pretty low Will, right? You know I can't tell you that. No, but I'm asking Jadzia 'cause we don't... Oh. No, you didn't use Will. What did you just ask? Reflex is 22. We know that one. Their Will is probably pretty high, but we'll roll it anyway. They can't half-high everything. They usually have one thing that they still have. Oh! Almost a crit.

Holy fuck! That's like the ninth Almost a Crit. You really need to take that feat where Almost a Crit counts as a crit. Yeah. 'Cause that's a thing and you should have it. Is that a... Why don't I have that? I don't know. You didn't want it. Shit. Fuck. Okay. Well, whatever. 36. Okay. Yes. So let me roll damage. That's not what the damage should be. Fuck. Roll... Yeah. Three more. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. One, two, three. What? The fuck? Okay. That's bullshit. Whatever. I also do ongoing damage. Okay. So it's gonna take 1d8 damage this turn and then it'll take 1d8 every other turn after that.

That's bullshit. Kinda wanna pop my action point and fucking... You've used your action point? They're in Counter Powers for me. Yeah, but I mean you only get one action point every... The board gave me two. Like I still have one that's active. I have two action points. Oh, you guys level? I think that's a level thing. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot. We have two action points. Shit. Yeah. I totally forgot about that. Congrats. Okay. I'm gonna pop my second action point then. Alright. Okay. And... You know what? Classic wind fury. Crit miss. I can't fucking get anything good. This is bullshit.

Just give me a crit. Just feed me a crit please. Alrighty. That'll end my turn I suppose. Mark it, you know, obviously. Yep. Julie's turn. God. If she crits I'm gonna slit my fucking wrists. Jesus. Man. Okay. She's gonna use her longsword. And target this thing. That is the opposite of a crit. You know what? She's gonna pop her second action point. She already used an action point today. Yeah. She gets a second one. Oh right. Yeah. I'm sorry. Okay. 27 will hit. Alright. This is like a who can kill their dragon faster game. It is. It's totally a dick measuring contest now.

Jadzia, help me and my dragon please. Will do, captain. Jadzia, your turn. Alright. I will help attack Una's dragon. Here, let me move. Whee! Let's just go here. I'm concealed now, so I get combat advantage because that helped last time. I am gonna summon my little demon though. I'm gonna try this demonic possession thing because why not. Okay. So Sheldon will materialize. Put him right on top there. Cool. Beans? On top. I know it doesn't really matter, but I want him on top. That's okay. So, target. One enemy adjacent to your quasic companion. Intelligence or charisma for some reason.

Where's the... Oh, there's the attack. That's weird. But it still didn't add my intelligence. Well, we'll take the hit for now. Okay. Because the modifier with the 12 would have hit anyway. So... But for some reason it's not. It's not. But yeah, you hit it. I will just... Where should I slide it, guys? It's up to you. I don't mind mulling over my own guy. I actually am going to do that. Can I make it move over to the other dragon? Because then it'll do a melee attack against the dragon. Sure. My dragon will hit his dragon. Her dragon. That's hardcore. It'll be pretty hardcore.

Be metal as fuck. Boop. Boop. The target has combat advantage for the attack roll and a +4 bonus to the damage roll. So have the dragon attack the dragon. Sorry, I haven't used this one very often. That's okay. Dragon attack dragon with combat advantage. Uh, alright. So it is Jensie's turn. We're going to have to come back to this and then boom with combat advantage. So it will use claws. That'll hit. 24 damage to the wyrmling one. Yay! Technically I did the opposite of the thing Izzy wanted me to do. Sorry, I didn't really think about it. That's okay. That's okay.

Um, are you all done? Luna just knows that her dick is bigger. She doesn't need to measure. I am aware. I think so. Oh! Um, no, never mind. I was going to be like, technically I said I cursed it, so, but no. I didn't attack it, I attacked something else actually, technically. So, whatever. I'm not going to argue for that one. Valus is going to use his greatsword. That is going to hit, even though he's not targeting it for some reason. I don't know why he would have... Okay, whatever. 25 damage to the dragon. Oh! Uh, Luna, your turn. Okay. I'm just going to step up to this fucking dragon.

There's no way I can get flanking. Actually, there is. I lied. Bam. So she's going to flop over there. Um, and... Let's see. I just want to kill this fucking thing so badly. Um... Let's do Debilitating Smite. 29 will hit. Sweet. I like that you're flanking with Julie. I don't give a shit, man. I just want to kill the dragon. I want to save my fucking city. Why are you judging? So, 27 damage. (Hums) Oh, yeah. Just add the extra seven there. Okay. He takes an ongoing 1d8, so I'm going to roll that. A cd8, yep. Plus six more damage. Okay. Um, plus... Uh... What is it? Let me check something.

Uh, I can't remember what it is since I leveled up recently. Uh... Level 11. 6 plus Charisma modifier. What's my Charisma modifier? Uh... 4, so 10 damage for attacking something that wasn't me. Alright. And... Now he's going to have some things happen to him. (Chuckles) He's going to be dazed and slowed. Okay. Uh, there's nothing else I can do. Oh, I can add my Divine Strength to him. Divine Strength. Okay. Is that an encounter thing? Yeah, it's an encounter. So, Strength modifier. Uh, so plus... Plus four more damage. Alright. Uh, Seraph... Fuck, Sheldon's in the way.

(Chuckles) Seraph is going to move right next to Una. Um, and he is going to target, uh, Wyrmline 2. And he is going to use... Did you roll for the paladins on the end of the turn? Yes. Okay. He did damage. Okay. He's going to use... Hmm. Let's see here, he's going to use Violent Outburst. So, let's see here. 18, so that's going to hit... Okay. That is going to hit Wyrmline 2 and kill it. Yes. Then he's going to teleport onto the other side and take a swing at the other... I love my dad. ...at the other dragon here. Cock, what the fuck out of Julie? Your dad is a dilt.

I love him. He's going to murder the second dragon. Oh my god! He's so cool. You were calling him an asshole like two seconds ago, but okay. I'm not giving a shit, I just... Julie can't kill it. Everyone else in Pilein. Uh, he is going to slice open the belly of this first dragon and then disappear into a black cloud of smoke, reappear on the opposite end, and stab this second dragon in the throat. Ha! And it is going to gurgle and then fall over. Dude, why did he even hang back? Like, he's... Dragons ain't shit to him. Well, he's waiting to pick his spot. Like, it's not... he's not going to be the first to charge in, but while they're preoccupied with other people, that's when he'll go in.

Um... Fucking sexy. Mm-hmm. Merrick. Yes, sir. Um, would you do me a favor and roll an endurance check for me? Sure thing. That would be a... Crit! Fucking crit! It would be a crit. That would be a 34. Okay. Finally gives us our crit when it matters. He's just saving it. Ha! Um, so... Uh, Colonna's going to be huddled in this, uh, this living room area. And this place is ransacked. I'll remind you. So there's just bits of broken furniture and... and sort of tattered books and... and just things torn off the wall hanging. And, um, you're going to hear that... that steady panting of the wolf for a while, and then after a few minutes goes by, you're going to hear a human breathing.

What would Merrick's reaction be after he... after he turns back? Uh, I would imagine he would completely collapse, just broken, physically, just completely drained. I always imagine it like it's super adrenaline for the whole time, and then it just dumps out, you know, and it's just complete collapse. So I think he would just sort of curl up in a complete pain and exhaustion and just whimper, to be honest. So I don't think he would have the energy to say anything or to call out, or I think it would just be... that on top of his mental space, just thinking, you know, "Kill me." Just, this is, like, he hates himself when that happens.

What about Kaluna? Um, after a few seconds of the human breathing, um, Kaluna will sort of very slowly, very cautiously, still very much ready to stab things, walk over and peer into the hallway. And when they saw Merrick just sort of collapsed, they would sort of tense up like they're getting ready to run over, but they would then, again, very slowly and very carefully walk over to him and make sure that they have the dagger ready, just in case, but sort of less threatening, just to make sure they don't stress him out so he doesn't wolf out again.

Because that would be dead. Um, is there anything you'd like to do when you get to the other end of this hallway, kind of standing over a very broken, curl-up, nude Merrick? I don't think that's something Kaluna really cares about. No, but it's just a minute picture. I imagine he's probably crying in some way, you know, like there's just tears, like... Truly, like it's just... Everything's coming out for him like that. Um, Kaluna will sort of crouch down, and they'll set the dagger aside close enough where they can grab it, just in case, and then they'll sort of just check on him, just generally.

And I imagine they would notice that he was in a great deal of pain because that was a lot of damage from the dragon. Oh yeah. So I imagine they'd heal him up, and then they just sort of, they just sort of like pull him in for like a hug, and just sort of hold him while he recovers. How about we catch up with the rest of the party here real quick? The second that this last dragon goes down, I want everyone to do me a favor and roll a perception check. For a good thing. Yeah, really. Seventeen. And we're doing so well too. Twelve. So yeah, this spectacle overhead of Amara just tearing the two dragons that were in the sky in half.

She's going to let the one tumble out of the sky, and on the outskirts of the city, you're going to hear this tremendous thud as both halves of one of the dragons kind of hits and then the second it was like boom boom. And that is outside of the city where it's not going to do any damage. And the sky's clear. Amara is going to drop down and kind of slam into the ground again outside of the city. And you're just going to feel it. It's just like a tremor. You're just going to feel it. And she's a good distance away, but she's so damn big that since there's nothing out there, she doesn't have to care about touching down really gently, so it's just slam.

What you're not going to notice is Seraph lunge for Julie in the split second that everyone's attention is divided. Yeah. I knew it. Wait, could you roll for the paladins to see if they notice? I could, actually. Please. Put him on a leash. Yeah, really. I knew that was going to happen, and I tried to do something, but Jason was like, "The second!" I was like, "Fuck." Well, that's what the perception roll gets you. Come on. 24! God damn it! Because they didn't notice either. We could just be like, "Who knows who killed him?" But like, fuck. No, no, yeah. He'll be dead now.

Fuck. Way to be sneaky, asshole. Like, come on. Dude, I don't want to have to kill my own father. That's going to have to happen. Some Luke Skywalker shit. So, uh, Seraph is going to lunge at Julie, knock her over, and pin her to the ground. So in one deft motion, she is on the ground, and he is going to have his dagger up to her throat. We don't notice this? Oh, you notice it now. Oh, okay, okay, good. I'm like, that's some pretty unaware shit, like... Yeah, he's not... He either doesn't see the rest of you as a threat in the moment, or this is just too good an opportunity to pass up.

Okay, yeah. Can Una jump and grab him? Please. How would you like to try that? Because these Paladins all have their weapons drawn, and they are yelling at him to let her... She... well, with diplomacy, is he about to stab her? This is more like he's on top of her knife to her throat, and with one clean jerk, she's dead. So that's what he's going to do? He hasn't done it yet, and you get the feeling that he could have if he wanted to. So, like, I'm just wondering, should I try and diplomacy him? That's up to you. Or should I just tackle him? My diplomacy check is a lot higher than my acrobatics or athletics.

Is that what I'd be rolling to go tackle him? This would be athletics. Okay, yeah. I think I should just go with the thing that has the bigger check. Any input, guys? Roll for family? Familial ties? Whatever the higher check is, because we've got to... Just stop it, like, however you can. We need her. Yeah, we need her, and/or there's no reason for her to die. Yeah. Yeah, okay. From our point of view, of course. I mean, Seraph certainly has his own reasons, but... God damn it. Okay. Do I roll first and then do it? Roll first and then... God fuck shit, cunt. Morphers.

I'm making a mistake. That's what I'm saying. Okay, that's not bad. Okay. Yeah, I literally had my eye closed. Okay. Una will just go super still and walk really slowly and steadily up to J-- Not Jadzia, Julie and Seraph, I guess. They're kind of the same square now. Like, super calm. Like, strangely calm. And she'll say, "Father, don't hurt her. She's mine. I took her captive. She's mine. Touch her, and we are going to have to fight." She's gonna try and, like, be as like her mother as she can remember. Just trying to, like, really lay it on thick. Like, as much like something that Seraph could love as she possibly can be.

Um, Seraph's gonna side-eye Una, not look away from Julie. But do that thing where you can definitely see someone out of the corner of your eye. "Daughter, mind your own business. There is no reason not to kill her now." "She's outlived her usefulness. And even you yourself said that she has no business running this city." Uh, do I get a chance to reply? You can. Do I have to roll another Diplomacy check? Um, I would, yeah. Okay. Um, roll it first. Um, you know what? Say what you're gonna say then, roll. I'm not sure that makes a difference, I guess, but whatever.

Um, she's gonna say, "She has not outlived her purpose. We still need her to get Jadzia's books back. And also, you are currently surrounded by several dozen people who are followers of her. She has not outlived her usefulness. And even if she has, even if she has no business running the city or being in a position of leadership, that does not necessarily mean she has no business living at all. She is my business and I will mind her." Do you maybe ever roll a Diplomacy check? [groans] Fuck! At least it wasn't Crit-Miss. 19's still not that bad, but whatever.

Please take the roll, not the, uh, or the number, not the roll. [laughs] 19. There's a reason we have modifiers. I'm sweating so fucking bad. Holy shit. Um, he is going to slowly inch this blade just, just, just a, just a hair. Um, and you're going to see just the tiniest dribble of blood come out of Julie's neck. Fucker! And he's going to say, "Do you really think that any of these Paladins pose a threat to me? I could kill her and a few of them and get away. But I'll pose this to you. What if we ruled this city side by side? Are you telling me the thought never occurred to you?

You could lead these Paladins and I could lead my men. We could divide the city in half." I'm going to have to kill my own father, damn it, Jason! You set this up, you sick fuck. I can hear you smiling, you... [laughs] I know the exact fucking look on your face. Good God. He's covering his mouth with one hand but you like, you know he's smiling behind him and his eyebrows are really high on his face. Those crinkly fuck eyes, you know? Those little fucking... God. Okay, so, theoretically, if... You know Uno carries around that tiny little dagger? Mm-hmm. If I'm taking him by surprise, which is hard to do...

You're standing right next to him, trying to talk him down. It is his daughter. It is his daughter. [groans] Who has never shown any violence towards him. You are a violent person by nature. You take after him, at least in some regard, and you are trying to stop him from a thing that he is trying to do. Okay, so it's going to be very hard to murder him silently, suddenly. Yeah. I'm not going to try that then. Do you want me to try something? Like, I could use Diabolic Grasp and pull him away? Uh... No, I'm... I don't want... 'cause if anything starts happening to him...

That first is Fortitude. I doubt it's not very high. If anything starts happening to him, he'll slit his throat, you know? I can pull him backwards, though. It would be instantaneous. If you signal to me without him noticing... All he has to... Let me... So he's on top of her, and the blade is next to her. All he has to do is just... Twitch. Dead. I feel like we shouldn't try and physically fuck with him. Even though that sounds like a really good plan. But if you missed, he would just straight kill her, you know? Fuck. Um... What does she have in way of knowledge of her mother?

Oh, Una knew her mom. Yeah, quite a bit. She lived with her until she was like eight or nine-ish when she went to the temple. When her mom died. It's just that lame as fuck thing of being like, "This isn't what she would have wanted!" That's what I'm thinking. Where's the tattoo? It's on her arm. I'm going to make her watch you, father. I mean, kind of. In a way, it's like, is that what you want her to see? You know, just something to make him stop dead in his tracks. And specifically for those of you, it's on her upper arm, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. So it wasn't one of the ones you burned off.

Yeah, no. She would never burn a tattoo at her mom. Right. Yeah, um... I feel like that's... Yeah, that might be a diplomatic chip that I could throw in. Um... How would I use that? Something like, you know... Okay, okay, I think I got it. Okay, do I have to roll diplomacy again? Yep. Okay, roll beforehand. After. Okay, fuck. So, Una will shed her armor so that the tattoo of her mother is visible. She'll roll up her sleeve so that it's obvious she wants Serif to look at it. And it's a really cool tattoo. I haven't described her tattoos very much. But it's like a portrait.

So it's got a little border of flowers and leaves and stuff. And then on the inside is kind of like a bust of her mother. Very lifelike. Very well done. It looks almost exactly like Una, but long hair. Slightly more human looking, because Una looks a little bit more elf-y. But, yeah, very pretty. And young, because she was pretty young when she died. So, yeah, she'll roll that sleeve up and present her arm to Serif's side view, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, she can't really shove it under his face. And then she'll say, "I have enough of you in me that I don't harbor any good feelings towards Julie.

I am ruthless and I can be cruel, but I also have enough of my mother in me to have mercy and to know good things when I see them and to understand the politics of the situation. And my mother is telling me, and through me she's telling you, killing Julie is not the way to go." And I'm gonna roll diplomacy. One. Twenty-three, okay. Not bad. And the dog. Hi, dog. Dog is howling from my default situation. That's Mary. Well, that's so sad if his cry sound like howls. I would cry. That's horrible. I always picture it him whimpering if he got hit while werewolf.

Just like, "Wah!" Like that kind of howl. You're making things worse. Sorry. That's a different time. We'll do that some other time. I would even give a little plus because you're fighting dirty, but you're...yeah. Like a shit. Whatever it takes. Plus two for clothes removal. I can't really pop a seducer perk on him. No, that's some sad...clothes removal. It's not because he's hot for you. I know, I know. I know. I know. That was the joke. Yeah. He's gonna glance over. This time just moving his head slightly and glance over to your arm. And then up into Una's eyes.

And then slowly pan back down to Julie. And then he's going to take the knife... ...away from her throat. And stand up in kind of one swift motion. Julie is going to instantly back up just a hair. And then get to her feet. She owes me her fucking life, doesn't she? Me too. She tries to pull any shit. We've saved her life twice today. Come on now. Yeah, dude, she's so in debt to our group it's not even funny. To be fair, she wouldn't have been in the basement without us, but fuck it. Yeah, she also did help with the dragons and you bashed her skull in a bit.

But, you know. Shhh. So neutral. So it's neutral. Do you hear that? That's the song of forgiveness. Kaluna didn't stab her when she suggested killing Merrick. I mean... This is true. Yeah, see? That's another saving your life seriously. Seraph is going to stand next to Una and Julie is going to reach up and touch her throat and then pull her hand away and see that there is some blood on it. Pussy. And then she is going to step forward towards Seraph. Oh my god! And those two are just going to look at each other. And she's going to call back to her men. Retrieve this woman's books from the temple.

Bring them to her house. Damn straight. Also fix all my fucking furniture. No, I'm just kidding. Honestly though. Yeah, clean up crew. Let's do it. For real? You guys can do it way faster than that. Community service. She is going to look at Una. And for a long time, just say nothing. Just kind of lock eyes with Una. And then she is going to turn around and start walking back into the city. Seraph... I have to call her. Hmm? We need to have a chat, bitch. One thing at a time. Okay, fine. Go ahead. Sorry. Seraph is going to square up here with Una. Just get face to face with her.

You get to do that one time. Don't ever use her name in such a manner again. I will not be manipulated. Um, we will just like square up to him. Kind of like face him with the same intensity that he's facing her. And just say, "If I ever invoke the name of Aspasia Onhelada, it will be for something bigger than this." That's the first time she said her mom's name in like... Ever. On the show. Yeah. Ever. On the show. And certainly decades in her life. Seraph is going to give just the smallest, like little smile. "Don't be cute. You know what I meant." And he's going to look up just slightly.

"Your hair still looks stupid." And he is going to get ready and turn and walk away. Oh, God. What a great parent. Had to have the last word. I love it. Your hair still looks stupid. We are so related. It's not even funny. I kind of imagine hair going, "You're stupid." Just muttering. "Also, go to your room." "It better be clean by the time I go to bed." Did you just always do that for a voice? Because that's... That was fun. That was a lot of fun. That was great. That was a great session. I was so scared the entire time. I was terrified. It was great. Jason, I have a request for you.

I need you to do that thing that you do. Where you don't tell people things and you keep it very vague. Because Kelsey told me that she's going to ask you about what happened tonight. This weekend. Gotcha. I'll tease her a bit. Thank you. I appreciate it. Not a problem. I like how you used your weird phrase, "How's our dead body?" Yeah. [sigh] That was fun. Yeah, that was great. Okay, well, I gotta go get some lead. I'm fucking starving. [sneezing] Bless you. I guess. Everybody okay? Are you turning? [sneezing] What was that? It's a sneeze. Alright guys, thank you for sitting down.

This was fucking fun. Yeah, I love where it's going.