Know who you're getting in bed with

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Well, let me know when you guys are ready. Ready. Alright, so... [burps] S***. [laughter] And we've begun. [laughter] It's the traditional... I'm sorry, I'm not belching or farting into the mic. No, you're shouting hate speech, so there's a big difference. [laughter] I'm a f***ing slob. [laughter] Deal with me. Deal with me. Uh...

Hi everyone, welcome on that note. Uh, welcome to Down to the Randomness. Uh, as of today the number one D&D... [laughter] That's... I can't say that. That seems wrong somehow. I'll say it. The number one D&D podcast, Lance, suck it. [laughter] That's amazing. If you search Dungeons & Dragons on iTunes, we are the first thing that pops up, which is... [blows raspberry] Exciting. I... Wow, that's amazing. Get that weak s*** out of here, Wizards of the Coast. Hey, hey, hey. [laughter] I'm a big fan of Chris Perkins and the Pennywise stuff. There goes our partner, Deal.

Yeah, Jesus. [laughter] Well, maybe we should get on our level. Oh, God. Again though, Wizards of the Coast, if they were to listen to this particular portion, just let it be known that I've spent thousands of dollars on Magic cards and... I'm just playing. And we're all gonna buy D&D next crap. We... come on. Of course. I bought the new Magic the Gathering game on Steam. As did I. Hey, guys, guys, being the number one... I prefer Pathfinder. Being the number one podcast means you don't have to say you're sorry. Alright? That's... Yeah, they need to say they're sorry to us for keeping us down for so long.

Okay, well damn s***, I don't know if we can go that far. Dial it back. You know they could kill us anytime they want, right? [laughter] Well, they've got ninjas who come to your house and steal all your old contents you have to buy the new edition, so they've got... ...shucked, sharpened dice at your head. [laughter] I was gonna say, being broke... Being number one means never having to say you're sorry, but being broke means kissing the asses of people who have the money. That's true. I don't have any money. Eat it, Wil Wheaton. Take that. Um, if we're done kissing the wizard's ass... [laughter] Wil Wheaton! [laughter] That's what I'm saying, the Penny Arcade stuff is just...

I cannot believe... that's a... that's a... iTunes is wrong, let's be honest. This has all been a glitch, and we're gonna wake up tomorrow and we're number... We're really good at SEO, that's all it is. We're number 15. [laughter] Uh... I'm Jason Grassy, I'm the Dungeon Master of this whole... ...number one D&D podcast on iTunes. I'm gonna take the opportunity to say that because by the time the next episode airs, that won't be true. So, I want to... episode 12, that's... okay. Uh, and with us as always is Dan. Hey, I'm Dan Phelps, I'm a plain Rodswell Joy... ...a Tom, uh, uh, warpriest.

Human warpriest. And Jake. Hey, I'm Jake, I am plain Drake Honis, I am a... ...Dragonborn Mage guy. And Rob. Hey, I'm Robert Wiesohan, I'm playing Malchus Grimness, Tiefling Warlock. And Justin. I'm Justin, and I'm playing Jareth Ironhide. And Tom. Hi, I'm Tom of the number one D&D podcast. Uh, I'm a... Where do you guys see that? It's on iTunes! I don't know, I don't see that. Go to iTunes and search Dungeons and Dragons. I did. Don't... I posted a screenshot, it did happen. Hey guys, it's gonna be tough to give G inward a starring episode if we keep running roughshod over Tom.

That's true, yes. Justin will just erupt and he doesn't care. I'm just curious. Uh, and Tyler. Uh, I'm Tyler, I play Thorosongsteal, a human vampire. And with that, we're gonna get ready and get started. It's been... okay, well technically, it's only been a couple of weeks since our last sit-down, but we had to scrap that because of audio issues. So what I'm going to do is kind of take the base of what we did and remix it and add new stuff to it so we're not playing through the same content. And we'll probably get further too, to be honest, because... There was bickering.

Yeah, there was an hour-long argument in the last... so... And the most awkward sex scene ever heard. Oh, it won't be awkward this time. Oh, we'll make up for it. Ain't prepared. My tate is beating with sweat just thinking. So, we're picking up... we're gonna pick up two weeks after the treaty was signed between Winterhaven and Overdale. And there's kind of a slight rift forming in the group. You can kind of feel it. Nothing's been said out now, but even though you guys had an opportunity to sit in the bar and talk about what had happened, none of you were really...

It was a lose-lose situation and none of you were really pleased with how it all turned out. You are all readying to head north. You've handled all your business. You've all pretty much elected to go north and finally deal with this book, finally search out the Tomb of Drakh and see what's inside of it, if it even exists, if you can make it there. But you've decided to take a couple of weeks and get your head straight, relax, make sure you're 100% ready for the trip. And part of that is talking to someone who's ventured that far north before. And Lord Padrig has told Rodswell and Draconis about a dwarven explorer who's visiting Winterhaven.

And he frequents the pub, of course. And he told you two that it would probably be a good idea to talk to him and find out what you're in for as you head further and further north. So let me throw my thing here. Well, you don't need to. This is all worth it. You guys meet him in the Winterhaven Tavern. Right. It's a... There are a few dwarves in town, but this guy stands out just because he's already an older, old for a dwarf, so he's older. And he loves to spew profanity. For seemingly no reason. Just almost as if he had Tourette's. And he's been spending a lot of his time in the pub as he's been in Winterhaven about two days.

But most of that time has been spent in the pub until he's kicked out in the wee hours of the morning. And then he runs back to the inn and then the very next day plops himself right back down in the pub and just kind of drinks all day. And his name is Thaddeus Thundermaul. Thaddeus. That is a good dwarf name. That is solid. Is it? That's like Rick Power or something like that. I mean, that's a manly dwarf name. And how would you guys like to approach him? Naked. I say we grab a couple drinks and sit with him at the bar. This would just be Rod Swelland Draconis right now.

Oh, just us? Just you two. Gotcha. I know. What you thinking there, chief? Um, that sounds good. Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah. So he's kind of sitting at his own table. Okay. Because the bar stores are a little high, so he just kind of prefers to sit by his lonesome at a table just kind of drinking. Not really doing much else. So you guys grab a couple of drinks and sidle up next to him? Yeah. Alright, what do you be wanting? Well, first, we heard that you have ventured north quite a ways. We're about to make a trek up there, and we just thought we'd kind of talk to you about what we're in for.

Alright, how far north you be going? Uh, far? How far north are we going? North is north is... Uh, what's his name? Drake? Is that how you get that right? Drake? No, no, no, no. The tomb. Oh, we're going to Drak's tomb. Uh, so he invites you both to sit down and you guys take a seat. Uh, has anyone told you what be that far north? That's kind of why we're talking to you, sir. Yep, I'm from the south, let's do it. Let's do it. He's from the dirty south, to be exact. Oh, the dirty south. Ah, yes. I love that that's a thing. He gives you a wink. It was dirtier last time I was down there.

Wait. Ah, you're in for danger that you've never seen before, boys. Frost worms and crevices, the ground falling beneath your feet. Cold, endless bone freezing cold. That's not very positive. No, it's not actually. Okay, uh, if you were to give us one kind of tip while going north, because you're telling us what it's going to be, I understand it's cold, we have a job to do and we have to do it, but what do we need to look out for in terms of things that could kill us? Uh, and he kind of leans forward and gets you both to lean in as if he's going to whisper a secret.

A secret? He's a baby. He's an Elmer Fudd. [laughter] Tell you a secret. And that reveals he has a terrible speech impediment. He's drunk, come on, it happens. Yes, okay. Fuck you, I've been drinking. Um, and he, Dwinking. Uh, he leans forward. Uh, he leans forward. Don't be afraid to kill the weaker of you. If someone's holding you back, leave them behind. Oh. Well, you said, okay. I'll let Justin hear that, he hates the weak ones. [laughter] He said, don't be afraid to kill the weak ones, but also don't be afraid to leave them behind. There would be an alchohzal more if that, if Ironhide heard that.

What I mean, that's, what he's saying is that if someone is, like, slowing you up, if someone can't keep up, if someone, don't be afraid to, like, leave them for dead. Don't be afraid to, not necessarily go back and slit their throat, but I mean, you know, it, don't be afraid to leave someone behind, is what he's saying. Mm-hmm, yeah. I get the feeling you're the kind of person who has had to do that before. I put it this way. How many have you taken up with you on your journey? Uh, six. I expect three of you to be coming back. Oh. I kinda like those odds, to be honest with you. [laughter] Batting 500. [laughter] That's baseball.

Okay, um... I think you're underestimating our strength. Um... Aye, boy, I think ye be underestimating the cold. I will go over to Jaconis. Yes. And I kinda motioned for him to, you know, get up real quick. And I take him aside, and I just say, "Hey, uh, I don't know how much more we're gonna get out of him, really, but I think that he has kind of... Maybe we need to go talk to the other guys about what we're getting into here." You know? Now, what do we maybe, is it possible to maybe ask this guy if we wanna bring him with us, since he's actually gone through this stuff before? [laughter] He could be one of the three that died.

It'd be good for us. I was about to say, that's one person we could feed off of if we have to. No, because that would make it three and a half, right? At that point. [laughter] I don't trust a dwarf either. I don't trust my son. I have no problem with dwarfs. I thought we were against racism. What's going on here? Um... Your son was a dwarf. [laughter] But yeah, we're definitely not getting anything less from this guy. Right, yeah. Um, so we head back. I... How much money do I have? Oh, so you're walking away from him? No, I go back to him at this point. Okay. Um, how much money do I have on me?

I don't know, check your character sheet. Okay, good point. [laughter] How much money would it cost for me to pay for what we've just drank? Oh, yeah, that's just like a gold piece or two. Like, that's not... You guys pretty much drink for free in Winter Haven anyway, so it doesn't... Um, I thank him. I throw down five gold pieces there, buy his drinks, and I look at him again, and after paying for them, I say, "Is there anything else that we need to know about this journey before we head out?" Ah, if you'd be smart, you'd sober the fuck up and not go at all.

Alright, I'll... Oh, go ahead, Jason. Um, I wouldn't speak. Oh, I thought you were talking. Um, so I look at the bartender, and I kind of point down at him, saying, you know, "We got him," and head on back to the... Unless Draconis has something else he wants to know. No, that's good. We're good. Okay. Mm-hmm. We shall make our lea... take our leave. Okay. Are you meeting up with the rest of the group? That's what you're saying? Uh, yeah. If you have something, I mean, we can... There's something we can do tomorrow morning or something if you guys... If you have something you need to get, you know, through tonight.

Uh, mostly right now, everyone's hanging out in, uh, in Town Square. Like, this is, uh, kind of the high point. Well, everyone except for Thor, who is by his lonesome in the attic, uh, in the inn that you guys are staying. Um, uh, this is kind of a high point of the day where everyone's congregating and everything. The weather's pretty good, so people are out buying stuff, trading, that kind of thing, so, uh, Town Center's pretty busy right now. Uh, so if you guys wanted to meet out in Town Square and talk, you could totally do that. And we can't include Thor in it?

Uh, you can go... you can meet up with everyone and run back to the attic if you want and talk to Thor there. Totally an option? Yeah, that sounds good. It's kind of daytime. Yeah, that sounds... we could do that. I mean, this, I don't think... Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Okay. So, uh, everyone is crammed into this, um, fairly small attic. It's mostly used for storage, but, uh, Thor in his short time there has kind of converted it into... They keep a spare bed there, so it's... it's mainly used for overflow. If someone just, you know, absolutely has to save the night, but all the rooms are full, they... well, you can stay in the attic.

And that's immediately where Thor gravitated towards. Uh, so you guys have all met up in the attic? Hey guys. Um, so we just had a talk with a drunk dwarf. Um, however, this dwarf has done much adventuring to the north. And, uh, from what he says, um, it is dangerous to the point that, even at our strength, it is very possible the three of us might come back alive. Huh. I don't like that. At least he was honest. Well, it depends on which three of us die. Oh, does it now? Um, you said earlier you like those eyes. The, uh, the weather's brutal. Um, if we don't die from the weather, uh, the monsters are way stronger than anything we've ever encountered.

Uh, to the extent that he said if somebody is slowing us down, we should go ahead and let them die. That is the main... Go ahead. Sorry, what kind of monsters are we going to be dealing with? Did you get any info on that? Um, the only... he was pretty... I asked him a couple times. He mainly stuck with the weather and describing the strength of the monsters. He did say, uh, frost worms, I believe? Yes, yep. That's what he said, yep. So, um, maybe we can just, you know, save that for later. I don't think his tomb's gonna walk away or anything. What's going on over there, Dale?

(laughter) We'll explore the, the west. (laughter) Um, I'm actually, yeah, I'm curious, seriously. I'm not close to going east and then hitting the north when we're better prepared. I'm not... I'm from the south, so... ...that's all my... that's my piece. Oh, we also found out that Draconis is from the dirty south, I think. Yes. Yeah. I want to point that out, yep. That's canon now. It's very important. He was hanging out with Master P. Do we want to, uh... Say, "Oh, nononono..." (laughter) Do we want to pursue, perhaps, some less protected ruins and tombs here, and perhaps try to find additional magical items and equipment?

Yes. Yeah. I think it's probably the best. Wait, what? This took a turn. Um... This took a huge turn, hold on now. We can't listen to some drunk dwarf to screw up our whole plans here. (laughter) The tomb's not gonna grow feet and walk away. We can take some frost worms, alright? Yeah, really. We can take some frost worms. And the extreme cold, because we're prepared for that with our leather armor. Hey, me being a fire mage... Well, I will say... So he's just casting... Yeah, fire mages get tired. (laughter) Um, I will say that Winterhaven has been... They've also been getting ready for your journey.

They knew you were taking off. They're getting lots of pelts and heavy, thick furs and stuff like that. This isn't something that you're just gonna walk out with like a light jacket and stuff. They know, you know, I mean, you've all been preparing for that. So the cold is one thing, I mean... I mean, everything else, yeah, but I mean, the cold is something that you guys are preparing for. Taking horses is gonna be difficult, because at a certain point your horses will die. I love my horns. They will freeze to death. You can't ride a horse. Well, that'll be our food.

So that's good. Clean muscle. That's the... Lean meat. That's what we need. I'm not gonna eat cold meat. You're gross. (laughter) Piece of fire, man. Yeah, we're good. Standards. So is what we're suggesting that we're uncomfortable taking on this challenge in our current state? That's what I say. I'm pretty uncomfortable. I'll come out and say it. At least I'll pull ten. I'm uncomfortable, but I'm... I will also say that it's a long journey there, so... So it's gonna be a long burn. Like, we'll be out there in the cold and bitterness, but we'll also be out there alone.

Well, yeah, but it's not one of those things like, "And later that day they got the drops too." No, no. This isn't, yeah. This is gonna be a large campaign. Here's the thing, guys. What else are we gonna do? Explore the east? We've done everything here. We can go out and just be like, "We're adventurers!" And attack things on the road and go into caves. But without having a goal, without having anything to drive us... We've overcome these odds before. A lot of gasps and a lot of trouble. Just having someone sit here and tell us, you know, one drunken dwarf sit here and tell us that we can't make it...

Has that ever... I understand that we've lost people in the past because of goofy decisions. But I just don't see where else we can go from here. I think we're much more level-headed now. I got a question for Dan. Yeah? How do you think he became a drunk dwarf? Do you think he could have been seeing things from the north that maybe led him to alcohol? He'd been in other places. Yeah, and also dwarves drink. I was about to say dwarves are all drunk, yeah. Dwarves do drink. And there's nothing preventing us from turning around and coming back. Dan, that was...

Okay, Rod, so if you can promise me I'm not gonna die, I'll come with you. I can't promise you anything. I'm just saying there's... Well, then I'm uncomfortable again. Way to go. I mean, you know, if we get somewhere and we think we can't go any further, there's nothing preventing us from turning around and coming back, you know, training more and then going back again. It'd just be a big waste of time to me. Just imagine what'd be a... Is it more of a waste of time than wandering off in a random direction with no goal and no destination? This has been...

Draug's tomb has been here. Like, it's been here ever since he blocked himself in there. Like, it's... People that head north, they fail. Why should we just be another body camera? We're not gonna fail. I mean, if you guys... If that's what we wanna do, like I said, I just don't understand what... Are we just gonna hang out here in Winterhaven and... Malchus, what do you think? Oh, no, no, no, Ironhide. You do not drop that on me. No, you're the one who just ejected to everything. What would you like to do, Ironhide? Let's ask people around town if they need anything.

Oh, Christ, no. We just had almost an entire town drop on top of this town. You think there's nothing like... I haven't heard Thorl say a word. Thorl? I'm for going north. I agree with Ron Swell. There's nothing that prevents us from turning back around if it gets too real. And there's no such thing as a waste of time when we're gaining experiences. Can I say that? Is that... That's dangerously close to metagaming. Valuable experience. Is. A thousand experiences just by going through this... There's a lot of advice here, Jared. I would almost say there are points in this campaign where we're gaining experience.

There's a lot of points on the positive side of why we should go. No, it's the... Like I said, we could wander off randomly in one direction and hope we find something, or we could wander off randomly in the direction that we want to go and hope that we don't get stopped. Well, there's no major towns north, but if you want to, I guess we can go if everybody else is okay with it. This isn't going to be a thing where everyone's okay with it. I've followed you this far, Ron Swell. Oh, fuck, I don't want to die. I'll go. Oh, my God. He says, "I followed you this time." Oh, my God, I don't want to go.

I'll go. Malchus. Malchus? You know me. I'm comfortable with the play it by ear method. Um... That was so non-committal. That was so... Yeah, that sounded like he could be for either plan. What? Shit plans? I'm more than in. I'm ready to go see what's in that tomb. I think we can do it. I legit think we can do it. No, Malchus literally looks at Rotswell and he says, "I think you of all people would know I'm not afraid to change my plans when new information is revealed." Does metal freeze? I'm just saying, like, I don't have to worry about cold temperatures, do I?

Everyone has to worry about cold temperatures. Yeah. Now, you, I mean, you don't... I mean, you're not going to freeze to death in the same way they would, but I mean... I could fall through ice because I'm 275 pounds. That's the thing. We have to warm up Ironhide before we start driving him in the snow. That's the big thing you guys got to worry about, the heavier members of the group, like, you got to start... Oh, man, that's not good. Yeah, you got to... I'm 278. Oh, man. So you got a dragon, a minotaur, and a robot, like, maybe... I'm 520 pounds, Jake. It's all right.

Hey, I got a disc I can float on. Yeah, I think we found our three guys who are dying. I got a disc I can float on. I'm good. I'm good. How much... There's going to be a light up there. Okay. The sun? Yeah, but we've already established that if we can throw a cloak of a thing on Thoril, he's okay. Yeah, that's the big... That's part of the furs and stuff he's kind of wearing, his Assassin's Creed gear. The sun's blocked out by all the storm clouds from the blizzards anyway. Yeah, so you don't have to worry about that. That's just pretty much all things. So why don't we set a compromise, and if we get going and realize that this is too much, then we'll head back.

We'll have a safety word. Blue is good. Blue is the word. Blue is the word. Will we all start stabbing anything that's near us? No, no, the other blue. So let me say, yeah, Traconis is 278 pounds, Yenward is... How much did you say? 520. 520, and Ironhide is... 275. 675 pounds. I bet we can't even put this entire party in an elevator together. I bet we just can't do that. You guys are massive. We can't put one of us. Really? Oh, it just got updated then because it was only 275 before. No, I had to update your stuff because that weight is wrong. You do not weigh 278 pounds.

I'm 124 pounds. I keep it tight. You're made of metal and wood and shit. There's no way. I'm going to say this. When we get up there, it's going to be terribly cold. So we're going to have to push through it. We're not going to be able to turn back because that's what we're going to want to do. Our bodies are going to tell us to turn back. We're going to have to commit. No, we can turn back. No, we can't. Am I Malchus? You're the new Malchus. No, we can turn back. If people get sick, if we can't make it, if we're not strong enough, we can turn around. There's nothing preventing that.

Let's be somewhat level headed. Think about all the people who tried climbing Everest and then just turned around because they couldn't do it. Sure, there are plenty of people who died, but that's because they were being reckless and thought that they could make it. As long as we know our limitations, we should be fine. Any of my fingers there. I'd like to make a proposal though, if we're going with this plan. If it comes down to going to Drax's tomb or going home and the vote comes to a tie, the tie breaks in favor of going home. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, that's good.

Now we're not going to get to our first monster and everybody will just be like, "Alright, let's go. Let's get out of here." Or we could roshambo for it. Either way. Oh, so that's Drax. He's kind of big. Let's go. Yeah, we better not turn around when we actually get there. That would be, you know. I think if we get halfway there, I think we should be like, "Alright, we're in this." You guys are saying very different things. I don't think you're listening to each other as you speak. Here we go. Hey, let's just do two things. Two words here. Two words. Let's man up.

Well. You're a dragon. You literally can't man up. He will murder you. Alright, everybody up. Man up. Cow up. Whatever the hell you want to call it. Cow dung rolls. There's only one human here. Well, two humans. Forgot the answer. Cows are girls, you dick. You're such a dick. No. If we make it more than halfway, if we make it three-fourths of the way and we realize we will die, we can turn around and come back. May I interject? Die on the way back. Considering you don't know quote-unquote... Yes, disembodied voice. Yes, this is God. God. You don't know what the way consists of.

So, I mean, it's very easy to be hypothetical, but I mean, it's going to be a judgment call in the heat of it. Right. If you guys feel like it's just too much. Well, there's no such thing as a point of no return at this point. I mean, we... Well, dead is a point of no return. Dead. Yeah. Like Duncan has reached the point of no return. But that's okay, because Rod's flow promised me I wouldn't die, right? No! Let's get some sleep. Get ready. And we're going to take this on. We're going to take it off, yeah. We're never coming back, right guys? That's what we're...

Hey, if you guys want to... Okay, I'm in for... I am in. Draconis, I am in for... I didn't promise you I would. I didn't promise you I would. What were you saying? I'm just saying I'm in for turning around if we have to. If the group decides to turn around, I'm in for turning around. Alright, well let's all just go to sleep and wake up and... It's daytime. Okay, that was fast. I thought somebody was talking about let's go to sleep. I was. I didn't say that, yes. He's on Conk's door. Let's enjoy our day and then go to sleep later on. He convinced me so much that it was nighttime.

You talk with such passion and movement. Just as your conversation is coming to a close, you hear the chiming bells at the front gate. These are big, almost like church-style bells if you've ever heard like the... If you have a church near you and you've ever heard bells. Which is to signify that someone is at the front gates and it's a big deal. It's not someone returning from patrol or something like that. This is usually a visitor or something that requires Lord Pageregg's attention. Looking out the attic window, you can see peeling back some of the heavy furs that Thoril has up in the window.

Just enough so you can see out. You can see Lord Pageregg's racing over to the front gates. Naked. Ass naked. Get out of here you! Malchus will hustle up and go see what's up. Alright. Thoril, do you want to join them? And put some robes on. Alright. Everybody joins. The front gates swing open and just a steady stream of villagers from very small neighboring settlements in Overdale. These are places... they're on the outskirts but still within the jurisdiction of Overdale. And it's just a steady stream of carts with farmers and woodsmen and just your general joshmos, your schlubs.

No one important. And with these people is Brianna and her father Martin. And as soon as she walks through the gates and sees Malchus, she runs over to Malchus and kind of bear hugs his waist. Child, what brings you here? Daddy says we're taking a trip. And then Martin sees his daughter run clean off. And Bri being Bri, he tries to follow her as quickly as possible before she gets into trouble. And he walks up and shakes each one of your hands and he's very happy to see you. And he tells you that all of the neighboring settlements of Overdale are being cleared out.

That city guards showed up in each of the neighboring small settlements all along the swamps of Yemgar all the way out into the wilderness. Anything that is close to Overdale and within their jurisdiction, everyone's been cleared out. Whoever doesn't live in the actual city of Overdale has been cleared out. And they were told they can go east or north, but they can no longer stay in the south. Zero explanation? Zero explanation as to why. They were just told that they are no longer welcome to stay. If you aren't going to live in the city, then you are no longer welcome there in the forest beyond the reach of Overdale Guard or anything like that.

They want everyone to clear out. So a lot of people either move to slightly larger villages like on the outskirts of Winterhaven, things like that, just beyond the reach of Overdale. And some just thought it was safer to come to Winterhaven. Is Pedrig, is he around us? Yes, he's speaking to a lot of the farmers and villagers. He's getting the same story from them and he immediately starts going into, "Okay, we need to both put these people to work and find places for them to live." Okay, because that was going to be my question to him. Right. Are you equipped to handle this?

And he's still kind of in shock because that wasn't something that he was expecting. This is like a hundred fresh faces showing up on his door. Picture Winterhaven as this very large fort with walls and things like that, but it's not a big city. It's a very large encampment. So this is something where he's like right off the bat, anybody who's able-bodied, anybody who can sling an axe or something like that, start cutting down wood. We're going to start building houses for people to live. And people may have to double up. Families may have to double up or something.

But everyone, he's making sure everyone's going to have a place to stay that's indoors. No one will be tenting it up or anything like that. Would it be beneficial for us to stick around for a while? That's something for you guys to discuss. He's asking you. I'm asking Padraig. Oh, you're asking Padraig. He asks you, are you any good at- have you ever built a settlement? Have you ever built a house with your hands? Anything? Yeah. I can carry things. Maybe. Any kind of studies, Yenward is like, "You can carry stuff. I have seen this." Don't be trying to get out of this trip now, Yenward.

I can- because, wow, man, all this stuff is- I mean, things are just so busy right now. I have to wash my hair. He says, "Well, we seem to have a lot of people to house and find rooms for, but a lot of these people are able-bodied and can help with construction, too. So it should balance out. We can have these people stay with families here for now, and they can camp out in the dining hall and the inn. And in a few weeks' time, we should have these people some homes." Okay, well, I will start walking around and I'll kind of see if anybody's hurt. I could heal them or something.

So I'll go- I'll just go through that for a little bit. Okay, cool. Good man. Malchus asks Lord Padraig if it would help if he could provide some money for any unexpected expenses. Um, Padraig said that it's- he says, "This is mostly about resources. We have all the wood we need. We have the tools and we have people. This is just about time more than finance, but thank you very much for the offer." Okay. The entire time, Bree is kind of tugging on your cloak. Just constantly tugging, just doing that thing kids do where everything they say should be the center of your attention.

It's like, "Oh, we saw a cow on the way up!" Just that kind of thing. Just constantly. Malchus scoops her up and puts her on his shoulders and tells her to hold onto the horns. And then so that he can keep her somewhere where she's not going to get lost. He just keeps her right up on top of his shoulders. Which is the only way to ensure that that little girl is not going to get lost. Hey Dr. Conus, you know what would be funny? Is if you put her on the n-word. See, you're here for people to rock the horse. Just imagine a man on the tarp holding a little girl, just looking at the stain on his face.

A fucking monkey will dance. He's carrying his drunken friends out of bars. Why would the little girl be that bad? Was Yenward in the party when you met Brianna? I was at the party when you saved her the second time. Gotcha. Yeah, she knows him and everything, but it's not the same kind of connection she has with Malchus for whatever reason. She doesn't know Dr. Conus, does she? Nope. I have no idea who this kid is. Smile at her with your scary dragon face. Dr. Conus is just grimacing at her. I'm not impressed with this kid. Malchus walks over, he's just showing her around the town and saying, "Oh, this is where you're going to live." And so on and so forth.

And he says, "Oh, and this is our new friend Dr. Conus. Dr. Conus, this is Brianna." Dr. Conus looks down, glances down. Kind of gives a little grumble and walks off. I kill people, I don't have time for this. Malchus just kind of blinks for a moment and then he looks sideways up at Brianna on his shoulders and says, "He's adjusting." Let's go say hi to Yenward. I want, right now, everyone roll a Perception check, please. Nega-people everywhere. Except Dr. Conus. Everyone except Dr. Conus, roll a Perception check. You haven't played this in a while, it's something I'm about to do.

I haven't rolled a die before, how do I do this? How do I roll dice? Yeah, it's under your Skills. It's under the Skills tab, then look up Perception and add that. I got a 12, my passive is 18, can I just use that? And we roll a d10? 20, d20. Always a d20 for checks. Oh my god, I got a 21. I am the Perception god. We are tied for Perception god, sir. I rolled a 9, you can tell me anything you want. Oh my god, we got the exact same number, we're blood brothers. We're Perception twins. I haven't done this before, I'm kinda confused on what's happening right now.

Okay, you don't need to roll a check, you're good. So what's gonna happen is, right now, in all this hustle and bustle, there's people moving to and fro, there's stuff happening. And if the marketplace was busy before, it's really busy now, because it's a long walk from where they were. People are getting something to drink, they're conversing with new people, there's just kind of a nice big meet and greet going on. And what happens is, Ironhide, Malkus, and Rod Swell look across this large courtyard, this large open plain here. And they see Draconis sidled up next to this dark alley, talking to a man with this large brimmed hat.

And he's kinda got it pulled over his face. And the man is in the alley, whereas Draconis is kind of in front of it, just kind of being nonchalant. And you three very clearly see Draconis hand this man a sack of money, and the man hand him a small brown paper bag. And Draconis stuffs it into his robes, and then just kind of does the *whistles* and wanders off. Shit. Now, do we notice that we notice, like do I know that Malkus knows it, or is this... This is the kind of thing where you're all doing the meet and greet thing, and you each individually look over and see it.

Whether you guys choose to make eye contact afterwards, like "Hey, you wanna see that shit?" Like that kind of thing. I totally do that. I look straight at Malkus and I'm... You do that wide-eyed, like you're saying it with your eyes, like "This motherfucker!" Yeah, while Malkus is tickling Bree, I... You do the invasion of the body snatchers, but... *laughter* And we can both tell Ironhide knows because he just has his like death stare at him. Yeah, but I look over at Malkus and I motion towards it, and... Yeah, Malkus kind of raises an eyebrow and nods.

He's... Yeah, he gets it too. And just as you guys are looking at each other, Lord Padraig kind of comes up and he slaps both... ...Yenward and... Sorry, Yenward and Rodswell in the back, and he's telling you all about a huge celebration dinner they're going to be having this evening. And while there's a lot more people to cook for, it's going to be in your honor. I love celebrations. I have a minotaur. How did you know? Yeah, well, Yenward is visually very excited. My mind seems to be on other things, but I thank him and nod... slightly. Do you guys want to do anything before we kind of advance to this big banquet dinner thing?

I think we should talk about what we just saw. So, in this, Draconis is ready to go to the banquet. Don't worry about that. Well, first he has to go to the bathroom, and then he'll be ready to go to the banquet. It's so energetic. Ready for the banquet, you guys. I just can't stop dancing! Let's eat, guys. Let's do this shit. Come on, come on, come on. Let's go north. Yeah, let's go north. You guys are cool, they're not cool. Fuck that cold. Malchus, if Lord Padraig leaves Rodswell and Ironhide alone, since Malchus saw that the two of them saw it too, he says, "Do we want to talk to the rest of the party about this?" Say we confront him, like, by himself, give him a chance to explain himself.

I think this is something that we should bring up as a group, because I think it's something that could affect the entire group. Fuck. What are you saying? There's three people, so it will not, you know, there shouldn't be a tie. I'm just really amused that Malchus keeps getting deciding votes on issues. Malchus... Okay. I will say this, Malchus. You backed me earlier when we were talking about going north. You were level-headed in that situation, and at this point in time I tend to trust your judgement, so... Actually, considering the case, considering that three of us are already in on this, if we're going to confront him as a group anyway, we may as well put everybody in.

We may as well bring the entire party. It's only Edward and Orl, anyway, right? I mean, that's... Right, we're just... It would be one thing if there was some greater level of privacy and fewer of us knew, but if it's going to be the three of us, we may as well not split ourselves into three factions. Okay. Brie is still on your shoulders at this point. She knows! She gets bored with the conversation and just kind of like... Malchus just realizes that and he goes, "Brie, earmuffs." While it's too late! So that's the point where it just goes and just falls off?

Okay, so I guess then we bring in Edward and Orl and kind of catch him up to speed on what's going on. While you're doing that, Malchus goes back to... Brie's father's name is... somebody fill him up. Martin. Martin. Thank you. Brie, he tells Brie to get ready for a big dinner tonight with her father and he'll see her later tonight. God damn it, Tom. Can we tell everybody what that was? Because that's so good. Jake had to run for just two seconds and he'll be right back in. He's telling us that trying to be a professional podcaster in Skype and Tom says, "Get him quick, he's flushing the stuff!" I told you guys to know I didn't do it, okay?

And now you can't prove anything. Whatever crime I commit, I swear. So Martin takes Brie and they head off. Actually, a lot of people are getting ready for this. Page rigs gathering people and everyone's starting to line up near the banquet hall. A lot of people have went in and they're finding seats, they're trying to find extra chairs and tables. Some people are just sitting on the floor. So everyone's pretty much funneling towards the banquet hall. So you guys got a lot of the courtyard to yourselves now. There's a lot of places where you can have a private conversation.

Seems like the time then, right? What are you guys talking about? Alright, we're gonna roll for initiative now and we're gonna fight him. [laughter] You know what you did! Roll for intervention. [laughter] Okay, so just to make it clear, we've already talked to Thorowing Inward. This is... Yeah. Okay. That was off-screen. Okay, so you've caught them up and now... How would you guys like to handle the situation? Just confront him. Just tell him that we know exactly, like, we've seen some shady stuff going on. We just want to know is everything okay and what's in that bag.

I am very interested in what's in the bag. Is that what you guys are asking me right now? Is that what's happening? I feel like Ironhide took the horns here. Yeah, let's see what happens. I'm good with this. What bag are you talking about? What are you talking about? I'm back, we found your sock drawer, you know we're fucking talking about it. [laughter] We're not mad, we're just disappointed. Okay. Draconis, here are your two options. God's talking to me, hold on. You can tell them the truth. Okay, yes. Or you can roll a bluff check. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we not see what the result is?

This is more, like, if he rolls a certain amount, you're just gonna... I mean, this is gonna be, he's lying so well that you're just gonna take it as fact. Well, I take it if he succeeds, he just comes up with an explanation that we reasonably buy, is that what you're saying? Right, right. So, I can still lie to him, but they'll know I'm lying, basically, is what you're telling me. If you roll a low bluff check, yes. Not saying that I'm not gonna lie, by the way, I'm just one to put that out there. Alright, who's got the highest passive insight among us, because that's what he'll be rolling against.

My passive insight is 23. What? Yes! Wait, I thought it was 18. No, my passive perception is 18, my passive insight is 23. God, look at his souls. That means Duncan was a drug addict when he was younger and he could see right through your lies. Dude, you need to roll an 18. That's canon, now. No, he's rolling a 23. No, I'm saying, like, he has a perception, a bluff of 5. He needs to roll an 18. No, he needs... oh, yeah, okay, yes, right, yeah. I need to roll a... It's up to you, or you can come clean and talk to him about it. I need to roll a 20+5, correct? Is that what I'm doing here?

Yes, you do. Rodswell Joybaton, lie detector. Oh, ho ho ho! So, what does that mean when you tie? I don't know what that means. He fuckin' lied to us, thanks. The roller wins. You can tell them anything now and they'll go, "Oh, okay, go ahead." It tastes delicious. It's horrible. Okay, first of all, first of all, what bag you talking about? I don't think he has a bag, guys. Yeah, I think you're right. I thought I saw a bag, but I guess I didn't see a bag. I don't think he can fabricate new realities. Realities. No, no, I didn't do it like... okay, first of all, okay, no.

So you're asking what we saw? Yes, I wanted to do that before, like, we went into, like, straight going into it, but... Oh, you can roll again, then, if you want. No, no, no, I was gonna say, like, if they got the weight, first of all... I would not take that chance. I'm just gonna tell you right now, what's in the bag is private, okay? I've done some work for somebody. And first of all, you got... okay. You can tell them as much... listen, hold on, this is spotlight Jake time, hold on. You can tell them as much or as little as you want. You can tell them it's oregano.

They don't know what... they don't know what oregano is. Wait, I have a question real quick. Can I roll my insight instead? No. You're crazy. No, that's crazy. You're crazy. Is that crazy? You're crazy. Oh, no, first of all... Wait, seriously, is that a no? I'm sorry. That's a no. Okay. What you guys saw the other day was private matter, okay? That was a few minutes ago, but yes, go ahead. What you guys saw just a couple minutes ago was private matter. I had a deal worked out with somebody, okay? It's nothing to worry about, doesn't affect any single person in this party, alright?

So nobody... It doesn't affect you at all? Hey, look, it does... Shut your pretty mouth. You're questioning me. You got to believe... you got to go with it. So basically, yes, I did something for somebody and I'm handling the... I don't want to say that, but I'm going to say, "You know what? Hey, I did something for someone and I received..." Say it's dragon food or something. Dude, you can... This is guilty shit. You couldn't... dude, Jake, you couldn't sound more guilty. At this point, are you sure I can't roll it inside? I'd be more suspicious. You beat them in the roll...

I say you need to roll five. You beat them in the roll and you're convincing me you're guilty. Just... just... As long as you promise you're not going to die, I'll believe you. Hey, tell him it's baking powder, dude. I'm not going to do that. This is for the group, okay? I did a job for somebody and I handled a payment. That's it. That's all you need to know. It doesn't affect anybody. It was a private matter. But you paid him! You... hey, you don't... no. You don't know there was money in the fucking sack. Dude, you paid him money and he gave you a bag. That's what we saw.

You don't have trade in it. I paid him. You don't have to fucking fuck out of his roll. Did you guys not see the 23 that's on the board? No, but you can't make up a new reality! We already... Okay, okay, yeah. Listen, all you have to say is something like... something for the party. What you're saying, Draconis, is that you were freelancing. Say yes. Yes, that is exactly what I said. Yeah, no it is. I said I handled something for someone and I received a payment for it. But you know what I have to say is... You gave him money. He's so... hold on, hold on. He's so sweating right now.

Jesus Christ, are you wearing a wire, Jake? Are you fucking wearing a wire right now? Listen, he said I handed a sack of money or whatever it was. Nobody knows what was in the sack. How do you guys know there was money in the sack? Why did somebody have a favor? Why did you give him something and he gave you something? I could have protected something from somebody for somebody and gave it to him for payment. Wait, what's the money in a sack? Because when I was explaining it, it was just that you handed them money and they handed you a bag. He had a sack full of money.

Like a coin pouch type of thing. Yeah, he said a pouch, yes. He handed him a pouch with money in it or whatever he said. I don't know the exact word, but I heard pouch, yes. Basically what I was going with is nobody's seen what was in either bag, so nobody knows what's been exchanged here. So I did something for somebody. It was a private matter. It doesn't affect anyone in the group. You do not have to worry about it. I was, yes, if you want to use freelancing, I was freelancing. And the payment's been made and I'm ready to go. Okay, now my question to Jason in this situation, since he didn't actually answer and say what it was, even though we believe him, we still can be suspicious, correct?

I mean, yeah, you could be suspicious about what was in the bag, but like if... This was a payment. I said it was a payment. Right, right, but it could have been a payment of black tar heroin. They don't know. What I'm saying is this, like he was convincing in that 15 minute spiel. He was convincing in that you don't need to worry. Like it's not a bad thing and it won't affect you, I guess. That would be the bluff. Okay, that's okay. I just wanted to clarify what the bluff was. That's the truth. What are you telling them? Also, Jake is in witness protection and he ratted out the mop.

Because my thing is that even though, yes, I understand that I kind of believe what he said, this whole conversation is way more suspicious of him. Yeah, I know. In every other aspect of the world. As Jake is a person, I'm suspicious of him now. Can I not believe him on the purpose that he killed people? I rolled a 23. He's really good at lying, Justin, apparently. You're a liar and a thief. Yeah, like I said, I just wanted to make sure that if it helps you to imagine that Drakonas was actually smoother in the delivery, then yeah, just like, Malchus just says, "Oh, you didn't strike me as so entrepreneurial." Okay.

And then he says, "Well, my chap, I am." And he's like, he's super swab. He's super swab in the D&Dverse. Hey, my weakness, you know? Hey, let's do it. And then Malchus goes on to say, "Can we please go to this ball?" We've got this weight decision on our minds to go north. We're all a little stressed out. Let's go just relax in this banquet. Okay. Thank you. Your dice roll earned Malchus's reaction, so that's what you're getting. It's all in your head. Trust me, it wasn't your words. It's all in your dice. Drakonas is drenched in sweat as you head to the banquet.

Put your fucking self up. I've got this swamp ass going right now. People at home, take a drink every time Jake says, "Hey, listen, hey, shut up." Or how about, "Let's do this." I'm trying to put my point down. Let's do this. Let's take a bump. Let's do this, guys. Come on. Every time Drakonas wipes his nose and sniffles, Malchus says, "You really ought to get those allergies looked at," as opposed to concern at what he might be inhaling. Before we leave the courtyard, I want to thank everybody for their understanding on that situation. You know what the fuck Drakonas is?

I don't understand what happened at all. A freelance payment. No, no, no. We don't need to go into the explanation again. Let's just... I'm just kidding. That's what it was. That's what my bluff was, a freelance payment. There you go. Yennward heads to the celebration. Good. He's bored of this. I imagine Yennward walking off halfway through that winded explanation. I pray. See you later. Okay. By the way, that was a good roll. And that we will never get back. Dan kept pressing. I know. Well, because Rob said he can't change reality. That was the reason. I know. I heard pouch.

That's what I went with. You guys saw balloons and kittens. Don't... Okay. All right, but I want to pet the kitten later. You got to promise. What kitten? What are you talking about? Fucking kittens. Like, immediately he goes right back on it. I think the confusion came from the words coin pouch without there being, like, actually, we wouldn't know what was inside of the pouch. It may be a pouch typically used for... I think the confusion is Jake is doing coke in real life. Let's do this. Let's do this is going to be on his tombstone. Like, I'm telling you, he is jacked.

Also, just a sack of cocaine. Realize Jake White, let's do this. So, a few minutes later in the banquet hall, you guys have a table nearest the front of the hall. It's kind of a place where everyone can, you know, like important people, like Tally is there, and Lord Padraig, and you guys, and a couple of their honored guests. So, this is an obscene amount of food, which is not something Winterhaven is known for, but this is a huge celebration. They're incredibly happy to have you back, and they want to send you guys off right. So, while you guys are freezing your ass off in the north, they want you to remember this warm night in Winterhaven where you guys are eating your... stuffing yourselves to the gills with like chicken, like big roasted chickens and things like that.

So, towards the end of the meal, Lord Padraig stands up, and he proposes a toast in your honor. And he says, "I think I speak for everyone here when I wish you nothing but the best of luck and a safe return from your journey in the north." And everyone kind of agrees with it and lifts their glass. "Dear, dear." Yeah. Oh yeah. Later that evening, the evening's kind of winding down, and people are either going to their rooms or finding places to bunk. A lot of the displaced refugees from Overdale are either kind of curling up on the floor of the banquet hall or staying with families, local families.

Thoril... Down the dink dink. Oh, if you thought that last segment was awkward. No. So, Thoril is... Taking a bump of coke. Real quick, for canon reason, was Bottomless Pit of Joy playing at the banquet? Uh, sure, you know what? They... Yeah. Okay, I like knowing that. Bottomless Joy was there. That's... I'm just thinking about what that would sound like. I'm sorry, that's... Probably Bon Jovi, I would guess. Probably. Live it on a prayer. I'm gonna have to write a wiki page on Bottomless Joy. That's what I'm saying. Every time we make something, and then, like, coked up Draconis is going in.

I mean, we need... Uh... No, I think they talked about them, like, touring. And stuff. So, I mean, yeah, this would be the first appearance of them in Winterhaven while you guys are present. Thoril is hanging out in his little attic room and reading. And there's kind of a ladder that leads up into the attic. And Thoril hears someone climbing up and then gives, like, this delicate knock. And it's Talia Pagereg, who gently says, "Am I interrupting?" "No, feel free to come in." And she ascends the rest of the ladder and sits next to Thoril on the bed, who is just kind of curled up reading.

So she kind of plunks herself down next to him. And she says, "I didn't want to interrupt, but I..." And she pauses. Everyone still here? Dead for a second. Yeah, what happened with that? I don't know. It happened earlier, too. It's only a second time. Fucking Skype. Back into it. Back in the game. Let's go. Yeah, hold on one second. I want to make sure that everyone's connected because... Okay, cool. Ruined the immersion. I lost my phone. Oh, you'll get it back. Still got mine. Well, that's a coke boner. Yeah, that's a New York Coke. So she's sitting next to Thoril and she says, "I just wanted to make sure that I personally wished you luck before you head off tomorrow." And then she kind of reaches down and wraps her hand around yours.

You know, it's going to be a long, cold journey up there. And just trying to enjoy this final warm night that I have here in town. And she gives your hand a squeeze. And she says, "I..." And she hesitates again. Like she doesn't know if she's supposed to be... She doesn't know if she wants to say this. I've wanted to say this to you for some time, but it never seemed like the right time. And now I feel like I have to say it before I may not get a chance to. Yes. I've had feelings for you ever since you rescued me. I wish you'd stay here with me, but I know you have a quest to complete.

I have to. It's my duty. It's my duty to my group. I've been with them for so long and I can't leave them behind. The only thing I regret is the possibility of dying. And she reaches up and kind of brushes some hair out of your face. I know a lot of people may look at you and see a monster, but I see that same sweet boy who rescued me many months ago. And she plants a tender kiss on your lips. You know, ever since I've turned into... Sorry. Keep it sexy, man. Come on. Stay with me. I'm trying, God damn it. I guess don't look at the Skype chat. Don't look at the Skype chat.

That's the first rule of Fight Club. Don't look at the Skype chat. Turn my air conditioning down. Man, this is... I'll stop typing. It's getting hot. I won't. Come on, Tyler. You know, ever since I've turned into a vampire, society just hasn't accepted me. I'll accept you. Doral stands up, removes all of his robes, stands in front of her stark naked and says, "Will you accept this?" And then endless love starts playing. Did you guys script this? No, this is all... And then the camera does that classy movie thing where they pan out the window. We don't get any thorough ass in the shot.

Plus six to thrust. As the curtains kind of billow, the heavy... The pelts and things he has in the window kind of billows, and we leave them to their night of passion before you guys take off in the morning. Doral rolls a stamina check. Oh my god. I... Yeah, let me read the Skype chat now that I... That last... I hit that last bit out of the park, I feel. That was nice. That was good. Nice. Is it canon that Draconis was under the bed? I just wish it like a dragon board, just like a bed sitting on top of a... He's right now, hide underneath it. So, and the best part, I'm imagining he doesn't even mean to be there.

Like he just like did a line of his dragonborn coke and fell asleep under Thorol's bed. But he's bigger than the bed, so the bed is resting on his back. It's totally lopsided. And then it's just really awkward when he wakes up and he's like, "What's going on?" But like he was sneaking around in Thorol's room and somebody came in, so he just like ran under the bed real quick. Oh, yes. Comedy of characters. Sounds good. On that note, does anyone want to take a minute to get a drink? We get a towel. I'm going to go clean the sock. I'll be right back. Clean the old dirty sock.

Oh, wow. Tyler. Yes. Hats off to you, sir. Are we good? That's the kind of quality people expect in the number one D&D podcast on iTunes. The thing that's just getting me is like in the episode that we had this crap, this is like a complete alternate reality now. Yep. Totally different. This is where like smooth Thorol lives and like... Somebody has an eye patch over their eyes, though. Someone's got to be evil. I'm guessing it's Jake. I don't know. I don't know. He's like a murdering drug lord. I rolled my 23. That's all I got. God, that was hot. Takes off all his robes.

Did you accept this? Not fucking wine, dude. Like you took something that was tender and made it just dirty. There's no room for interpretation. The only way that could have went better, she's like, "Ew, you fuck. I'm trying to be sweet about this." I hope none of my work buddies... Man, because I talk about D&D a lot and they're like, "Oh, you play... What's that?" And I'm like, "Oh, man, it's really cool now that we do this podcast." Now I'm fucking scared that this is the episode they'll listen to. And it's like, "Well, I have to move and change my name." Just start at 12.

The rest of it is all set up anyway. I get a couple of work buddies that listen to all the shows on the network now, and then I get one of my real close friends that listens to my show specifically every week. We teased this on Wrestling Randomness and now I feel like the people got their money's worth. I feel like people are gonna. I cannot wait for this to go live. I'm glad Malkus has a relationship with a small child, like a total relationship. And let that be a lesson to anyone else who decides to get into a relationship. You're glad Ben works with me, football man, that nobody will have.

See, I took a girlfriend that got killed, so I did it right. She got stabbed right in the back. Everything about you is shady too. I didn't stab her. You didn't go to her funeral. True. I was broken up. Everything about you is like a plausible explanation wrapped in some sort of grime. Like I just don't. It's like, "Yeah, I guess that's true, but still." And that's why I like it. He says it's clean. I have to believe him. Yeah, that's right. 23 stands. What? 23? I think the thing that got Dan the most was that it was so completely unlikely. He was like, "Yeah, roll your bluff check.

Go ahead. Roll it." And then bam! He didn't want that to be the... Fuck that! No, seriously, I want to keep asking questions. Well, to be fair, I didn't do the best on delivering the thing either, so... Hey man, I'm just... I'm just saying, hey, listen, just listen. Yeah, you gotta do it. You gotta do it right. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. I do like the fact that Dan's like, "Can I roll? Can I roll instead of using my pass..." It's like, "You already elected this guy." This guy is such a villain. Your passive is the one that stands in this situation. At this point, I will be killed soon.

I will be killed. The thing that's getting me now is, you know, the viewers can't see it, but in the Skype chat, I had to step away for a moment. I was like, "Oh, good. Thor is doing a scene alone. I can step away and take care of what I need to take care of." And now I'm going to have to go listen to the episode. How much of that did you miss? Exactly how this was delivered. He missed all of it? I came back in time for the disrobing. Just in time. That was the coup de grace, but there was some classy foreplay leading up to that. I'll have you know. Is this like emo vampire foreplay or like dude bro foreplay?

This was Tyler going straight for it. There was no... Bail, hairy chest, laid out in front of a fire. I picture a shirtless Thor-al just sprawled out playgirl style almost, but with pants just reading in the moonlight glistening. It's like, "Oh, hi. I didn't see you there." Come in. I'm just imagining it like, "Okay, so here's how Thor reacts. I know we didn't go over this, but he was wearing track pants, so he just rips them off." This was... If he was Hugh Grant in the last episode, he didn't make air. This was total... Oh, hi. Super smooth. That was... Thor-al may I come in?

If I have anything to do with it. From now on, every female that Thor-al meets needs to have a James Bond girl name, instead of a normal name. Labia galore. Labia galore. I like that Dan asked, "Was that scripted?" Like, me and you worked on that. We worked on that while we... Practiced their lines together for hours. Totally did. Sorry, I explained to my wife why I had a raging boner. Would you accept this? God damn it. You know we're gonna lose the army now, right? I'm gonna check to make that stick. I don't know, we just... Lonely over there in Afghanistan.

I was about to say, I don't know if that's true. We might get a couple more. Hey, to show that we're, uh... We might get him killed if he dies from laughter. To show that we're not homophobic, one of us should be gay. I vote Justin. A gay war for us. "Rough-bots can't be gay." That's what it was. I like, I imagine that dude, like, talking to his army buddies, "Oh man, these are really funny dudes, and they do this, but don't get the wrong impression." "They're not geeks, man, they just happen to..." And then it just cut to me and fucking, like... "Hi." "Hi." "We suck." "Hi." "Let me just take this back and we'll get the business." That was for the boys overseas.

That was, uh, that was... Was it? Little something hits the night's boys. Who Robert? Yeah, they don't have a Marilyn Monroe anymore. They need... They need a Tyler Wilson. Wait, they don't have a Marilyn Monroe anymore, so they need Jason's lady voice? I feel like that's the wrong way to complete this mad lib. Gets me through it, Robert. Happy birthday. Oh my god. Mr. Wilson. Malchus sets out that very night. He just walks out the gate. I was never coming back. "Hey, Thoreau, I wanna run over these maps!" If he can possibly get any more north, he does. Malchus walks in on it, like just...

"Hey, that shit with Draconis is really weird. Oh shit, oh god." Wait, why is Draconis under the bed now? Draconis says, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey." Let's do this. Let's do this. Please, someone... Now that this has become a sitcom, uh... It's become an episode of Three's Company? This is two and a half men. This is like... Oh, come on, we have more class than that. Now, I'm imagining the next scene being like Thoreau walking down into like, you know, the main room the next day, and Malchus just constantly, accidentally having Freudian slips and replacing words with dirty words.

"You pass me the cock and me the soul." Malchus passes the cock. He's got a bunch of maps and then he just like drops them as he's just like, just slack judges. "Okay guys, so we're going to Vampirepedis. I mean to north. Oh god." That should also answer the question of anyone who on the Facebook page was asking if vampires can have sex. No, Tyler just mouth. Didn't answer anything. You just saw the curtain. Well, we don't know what's going on. Tyler, let's get back in there. Come on, let's give it a show. Cut to vagina. Oh my word. It is? Let's give a shout out to some first timers here today.

First time listeners. We've lost them. They're probably really lost if they're first timers. Tates and Outsen are gone. As yet. I'd like to apologize for... It's the only thing we just lose. I don't know. I don't know. I think they're pretty classy. The only thing we were missing was romance and I think we just nailed it. It was kind of classy and romantic until Tyler whipped out his dick and said, "You can't accept it." Can you accept it? Can you handle it? Tyler's been waiting two weeks to use that line. Yes. Cut to sunrise. A fully clothed party of adventurers awaits adventure at the gate.

Sorry, I just... I picture Tyler in his shower and it's like, "That's what I should have said." Yep, it's like on her way back where she's like... [laughter] Meanwhile on Earth 2... Is it probably... I guess that is... So you guys don't know that anything would have happened between... Except your conus. Your conus was not under the bed. That is not canon. That's not canon. You would notice an eight-foot dragonborn under the bed. That just... you just would. Tyler's walking around the inn asking people to smell his fingers. Oh... Now we've lost our female listenership.

There we go. I can hear them tuning out. Dude, check this out. One star. Okay. Your pussy snake offended me. I quit your stupid podcast. Ah... God damn it. And that's when Yenward meets a female minotaur. [laughter] Oh no, she's a little too happy for me, Tyson. If she had a female minotaur, there'd be none of that. It would just be like... [laughter] Um... The next day... It's... Speaking out of pasture. [laughter] Oh my god. I think we just ruined the episode, Tyler. I don't think we... I don't know if we can... [laughter] Tom made of gold right now. We can't stop him.

He's a patron. [laughter] Ah... The next day... You guys are at the front gates. And the... Lord Padraig and Talia and... Everyone is there to send you off. They've given you... Tons of thick furs. Um... I assume you're taking horses. Or did you want to not take horses based on the fact that they will freeze to death at a certain point? I don't want to be responsible for a dead horse. That's actually why I want to take my horse. So I... Out of spite. Okay. Jeronas will take a horse. Alright. You're a monster. You are. You got any thick fur last night? I gotta eat too.

Awwww. [laughter] Goodnight, folks. [laughter] Cut to Yakko saying, "Goodnight, everybody!" [laughter] You know what the worst part is for me, right? Because I got up during that scene. I prepared a corn dog during that scene. [laughter] You will enjoy it. Just mute your mic. You can make the jokes. Just mute your mic so we can... [laughter] Oh, Rob, you're in for a treat. [laughter] Okay. We're 12 years old. Come on, guys. [laughter] Tyler just had virtual sex with me. That's nothing to be... So... Oh, you just gave it form, Jason. Well, that's... I'll cut it out.

Don't worry about that. Just... Okay. This is a Yahoo chat room brought to life. [laughter] Um... Okay. So, you are... They've given you climbing picks and big heavy furs. So, you guys have... I'd like to reiterate before we go out to the icy tundra that I did buy the Boots of Equilibrium. Yeah, it's in your character sheet. So, I don't need a horse. You do not need a horse. Um... I would also like to reiterate that I never promised you inward wouldn't die. Duly noted. Okay. Thank you. Uh... [laughter] You guys are getting ready to start your adventure and Padraig walks up to each one of you and gives you one of those big manly handshakes, one of those big wrist handshakes.

Just the kind of handshake that both fills you with confidence and later upon hindsight will kind of reek of, "I may never see that person again." That kind of handshake. And Talia walks up to each one of you and shakes your hand until she gets to Thoril and she kind of leans in and tenderly hugs him and kisses him on the cheek. Uh... What does Padraig do with that situation? I'm just curious. Um... He kind of looks... He kind of... He kind of gives a knowing look to Talia, which is much warmer than the look he gives to Thoril after... Curse of the Storm. [laughter] Son of a bitch.

When Malka sees that, he just kind of looks over at Thoril, raises his eyebrows and gives him one of those, "Yeah, alright," nods. I refrain from giving her ass a squeeze. Duly noted. I think Talia caught a stabbing last night, you guys. [laughter] We were almost back on track. We were. So close. So, so close. Once we get out of town, I think we'll be okay. Okay, Bree. Bree. Come on, Bree. I almost feel dirty bringing up Brianna now. Brianna, who I will remind you is nine years old. Uh... runs from the thicket of people and wraps her arms around Malka's again and screams, "Malki!" She, she is, you know, kind of sad to see you go, of course, and she, like, doesn't get why, you know, it's like, "Well, why not just stay?" Just, well, then just stay.

How about you'll stay and it's settled. So, my friends and I have to go, uh, have to go solve some business in the north. We're going to go on a great adventure. I'll make sure to bring you something. And she kind of smiles at that, uh, and she nods her head and says, "Okay." He ruffles her hair. Uh, and she giggles and runs back to Martin. Um, at this point, everyone is just kind of doing the murmured, like, "Oh, good luck," you know, all that, and you guys turn and walk out of the front gates of Winterhaven. Yennward gives one more last look. Malkus gives a knowing land, er, er, Rodswell gives a knowing land to where Malkus raises that eyebrow and goes, "Alright." That took two seconds to hit.

You're the worst person. Did you know that? The awards just were, you're the worst person. No, I take pride in it. Um, Dungeons and Randomness podcast. Here I go again. Chris Perkins, if you'd like to DM a session of Dungeons and Randomness, we'd be happy to have you here. Um, you know. Will Wheaton, right? Tom is our Will Wheaton, yes, that's why. Malkus's internal monologue at this point is, "You know, maybe if I just died out here, that'd be okay. It's okay being one of those two." Okay, so we're outside, we're heading, we're heading. You guys, you guys continue north, and you have quite a while to chit-chat with each other, and it's actually quite a pleasant walk.

It's one of the first times you've been active with each other in a long time. You have a purpose, you're out, you have a quest, there's something you can do, and it's not, there's not really a dark taint hovering over it. It's not a quest for a mob boss, or something to do with the death of a friend, or slaughtering slaves or innocents. So this is, this is kind of the first time, just the pure adventuring of it. Like, a quest that isn't hurting anybody if you succeed. And as you guys talk back and forth with each other, your voice kind of echoes over the treeline, and it's stark quiet, except for the tweeting of birds, things like that.

Gorgeous day out. Thor of course has his Assassin's Creed-esque robes way over his face. And you guys, let's just... If you guys would like to slide your characters onto this map somewhere in this general vicinity... Seems to be a new variable. Yes! This is the first time we're seeing this, I don't know what you're talking about. Earth 2. Is that Earth 2? Is that a giant? It is. Yinward! Heal! So, up ahead on the road, you see, first off, the very eye-catching two-headed giant, and in front of him, you see a very small gnome. This gnome is kind of dressed in what appears to be a suit, or as close to a suit as people would wear out here.

He's wearing a big, thick, heavy coat over some fairly dapper clothing for someone just standing in the middle of the road. How would you guys like to... Oh, the large two-headed giant behind him has twin clubs, one club in each hand. That's scary. And the two heads seem to be conversing with one another, while the gnome is in the middle of the road and looks ahead and sees you gentlemen, and a broad smile creeps across his face. I don't like this. I guess we should talk to the gnome, right? Yeah. Well, you can talk to the giant if you like. How about we just walk past without talking to anybody?

You could try that too. Yeah, you know what? What about us just walking? Okay. Malkus just listens out real quick to see if anybody is saying anything out there. And again, you hear the two-headed giant talking back and forth about their favorite pies. Yeah, I think I'm alright with trying to skirt around this. Okay. As you approach, the gnome seems intent on engaging you gentlemen in conversation. He shouts out like, "Hey, gentlemen! Gentlemen, come here, gentlemen! Gentlemen, come here, gentlemen!" And this is a fairly narrow road. And even if it weren't, this giant is plunked smack dab in the center of it.

So you have two options, which is kind of you can kind of go into the field left or right and try and skirt around him or kind of go straight through and see if you can just like, "Excuse me," and walk around him. Well, I mean, he's already trying to engage us. And I know if like there's a beggar on the street and you try to walk by him, sometimes they can get angry. And I don't want to get this beggar too angry, so we should probably engage on his points. Yeah, see who he wants. So he is, he waves you all in and as you surround him, he says, "Gentlemen, how are you doing on this fine day?" Good, how are you?

Yeah, pretty good. Well, I'm fantastic. Here's the situation. My large friend here, can you believe someone just left him unattended by the way? He was standing here when I got here and I talked to him and now we're best friends. Now, me and my best friend here are going to require a small toll payment for you to continue upon this fine road. And this is for your benefit because this road requires upkeep. Surely you've noticed all the potholes. Oh, yeah. Okay, well these things need to be fixed and they're not free. I understand that. Okay, so I require a small $800 gold payment from each one of you to help keep this road in pristine working order.

See, that's where you lost me. Okay, who has a good intimidate? Anybody? I got a plus two. Malchus does. Malchus does? Seven. I got a five. Yeah. I got ten. So Malchus and Thoril have plus ten? Thirteen for Malchus. Oh, you have thirteen. Okay, that sounds like a winner. Do we want to try to intimidate this guy, the little guy? Because he seems--that sounds like something that we should-- He's been pretty friendly so far. Right, well he's trying to intimidate us. How much gold do you have? Because I only have five hundred. Five thousand. I have Shiro gold I'm willing to part with.

I have a big axe if he wants that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Malchus gets the high sign from Rodswell that, you know, go for it. And so Malchus says, "I have a counter proposal, gnome." Oh, yeah. "I'm all ears, go ahead." "Step out of our way and we will not fill the potholes with your carcasses." Yeah, roll. Good one. Good one. I'd like it. Oh! There's no need to get testy. This is for maintenance. This isn't for me. I'm not being a greedy man. And the entire time he's backing up. And he backs up right behind his large giant friend. Gee! And while he is indeed intimidated, his giant friend is not.

Thirty-one wasn't good enough to intimidate the giant? Well, he wasn't trying to intimidate the giant. Ah! Let's do it again. Huh? Yep. Well, let's think this out. Because with the giant, I'm going to go with bluff, which I have even higher. Yeah, that's the way we do that. Ooh! Ooh! We should convince the giant that we should kill the gnome. Yeah. You're really going to let that little tiny thing run you, man? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a bluff, though? What would that be? Uh, that would... Well, I... Hmm. Diplomacy? Would that be diplomacy or bluff? Diplomacy would be us trying to be like, "Hey, man, we can all be friends." Bluff, we're trying to be friends.

He doesn't need to be with the... It would be bluff because we'd have to convince him that the gnome did something. Like, he's the bad guy, not us. So it would be bluff. Right. Okay, I got this. I got this. It's bluff to him, alright? You guys ready? Ready. Yeah. Okay. Malkish shouts out, yelling at the gnome, but quite loud so that the giant can hear, "Are you serious? Look, if you're his friend, why would you hide all of that pie from him?" Ooh. 29. Oh, man. It is the harassment of the ballpark. The gnome, whose name is Brovick, said, "What? That's not true!" And the giant, whose name is Klobnok.

Full circle. Full circle. Eh? Eh? That's why he's the dungeon master. It's called the callback, you guys. Turns around and says, "Why you hide pie from me? You have friends!" And Brovick, he's going to try... I would love to try a roll to re-bluff your bluff. So let me try that. So I guess I would have to roll higher than your roll. You would be rolling against my 29, I suppose. Right, I guess, if we were going to do it that way. To seek his use. Now, if Brovick fails his bluff, does he get smashed by Klob and/or knock? One would imagine, because not only have you lied to the giant, but you were caught in the lie.

Let me see here. And while those two are having the discussion, Malchus kind of eyes the party, and he waves the right half of the party to go off to the right and around, and the left half to go off with him and around, and we're just going to cut around. So while this is taking place, you're going to start sidling up on the side. The giant is turned towards Brovick now, so you guys are going to go behind the giant and just like, "Good luck with that, asshole." Well, that works good, because worst case scenario, we at least use flank. Yeah, oh, that's the idea.

So he has a, hold on, he has a +15. Bring it. Oh, natural one! He has to be fine. He's dead. There's going to be dwarf paste on the road. So, guys, officially, officially, the subject of blue is history. No more bringing it up. Malchus is redeemed. Two rolls. Twin rolls. Is this, this is like, this is Earth 2, where everything is fantastic for everyone forever. Jake lied his way out of a blatant coke deal, Tyler got lucky, and Rob just made up for blue. And everyone is getting along, and there's no fighting. It's pretty amazing. The giant raises both of his clubs.

I call those little guys good shit. And he kind of swings both of his arms out wide, and then comes together and pancakes the gnome's head, squashing it. That's awesome. And the gnome, as soon as the, the only thing holding him up now is the friction between the two clubs being touched together, that's it. And the pasty innards of his skull. And as soon as the, as soon as the clubs are spread again, the gnome just drops down in the middle of the road. At that point, we cheer. Ow! Good death. Do you want to cheer? I think we should cheer. Because if we show support, he thinks we're on his side.

Why are we sneaking around then? No, we were sneaking around. We were going around the side in case we had to end up flanking him, in case the bluff didn't work, but it worked, so. Okay, so. Show that jerk, club nog. So, as you guys start cheering, he notices that you've kind of sidled up on his sides. Duh. And he says, "Why you cheer? He stole from me!" We cheered because you showed him. Yeah, you showed him. You killed him. Good job. Justice was served. Yeah. Uh, and then club nog kind of threw. He points one of, his right arm raises and he points a club at Malkus.

Uh, and he says, "Do you know where he stole pie?" Alas, club nog, he did not tell me. The city of Ovid. Surely it is in one of his sinister underground gnome barrows. Uh, and club nog just kind of, just furrows his brow. And stomps off. Yes! In an opposite direction. Yennward starts rummaging through Brabec's pockets. Yeah. His fancy, fancy pockets. Uh, Brabec was carrying two thousand gold. Damn! Holy shit, there is pie in here! Look at that! No! Club nog heard that. And club nog is... We really should have sent him to Overdale. That would have been awesome. How far do you think he would have got down the road?

Like that? You guys, we are the most adventurers right now. This is the most adventurous adventure. Of the amount of adventure you guys could be having, you are having currently the most. You realize though that... For us being hero adventurers, now the next group that comes by, he's not gonna have, like a translator, he's just gonna be a retard saying like, "You pay now, yes?" Jesus Christ, let us have our Princess Bride moment, please! It's Earth 2 now, we don't have to worry about that. Only the authority now or knows. You guys continue north. Along the way, obviously you have been walking for hours, and there's a noticeable climate change.

You guys are, there's just a nice, every once in a while you'll catch a gust of wind, and it's kind of a... I do have a question. Go ahead. Since I am covered in fur, do I handle this better than everyone else? Well yeah, you're naturally, yeah. Now, on the opposite end of that, Drake is gonna handle it a little worse than everyone else. Because, you know, being reptile, yeah. Nice. Can I set myself on fire? I guess you could, would you like to set yourself on fire? Not yet, not quite yet. Not quite yet? Okay. No, not yet. Just a question. You guys, at this point, have been traveling quite a long time.

You've made camp, you've woken up the next day and continued on your quest. And after three solids... A little aside for Jaconis for a second, does he have that fireball that you just follow next to him? For short periods of time, yes. That'd create an orb, yeah. You will need that eventually. Eventually. Good. Again, for short bursts, yes. That will probably keep you from freezing to death. Nice. At a certain point. Well. Let's, whatever direction the wind is blowing, let's kind of form a party windbreak for Jaconis to stay in, just 'cause that should minimize a little of it.

Oh, you guys, you're so nice. Also, you know what's really good for cold weather? Coke. I don't know what you're talking about. Let's do this. You can hold it in the internet. That's gonna be the first DNR t-shirt right there. Hey, DNR listeners, fan art opportunity. If you want to draw fan art of Coke dump Draconis, you just send that right into the fan page on Facebook. It will be my wallpaper for weeks. Draw it on the envelope when you send it in your letters. It'll be the envelope part. Yeah, aw man. Just like Nintendo Power. Nintendo Power. Oh, wow. Yeah, anyone who wants to draw anything, please, yes.

That would be fantastic. That would be a great idea. I'm gonna draw a little bit of a circle. Yes, that would be fantastic. That would go in the wiki right there. That'll be immortalized. I don't know if we started fan fiction already for... Here we're the number one. Number one. No one could do fan fiction. Well, we haven't done that yet. Thorol's recent escapade probably has. Slash fiction. There's gonna be group one, group two slash fiction where it's like cookie and Tyler. And then when Yenward gets his girlfriend, we'll do some furry action. Yeah. Dungeon of Randomness serving all demographics.

Yeah. That's why they're the number one Dungeons and Dragons. I'm not. I'll go gay if he... Oh my God. That's the shocking one. That one? Really? Dan gay? Come on. He's pretty much... He's gay? Come on. We're in very dangerous territory now. Come on. Sorry. Focus. So it's the next day. It's been a few days, actually. You guys have been traveling steady north and the ground has just gotten harder and colder and there have been extreme bouts of short-lived snow. So you guys will go to sleep and wake up and you'll have to kind of dig yourself out of your own tent where it'll just...

Like you'll be buried overnight almost. Sounds tough. You guys have taken a couple of different tents and put them up so a few of you will be sleeping together. These are large tents, so it's... You guys have decided to kind of huddle up for warmth and, you know... Because it's getting... It's not uninhabitable, but it's getting quite uncomfortable outside. I've never seen snow and I don't like it, you guys. I'm cuddling with Jarek. I got Yenward. Damn it! I should have picked Yenward. He's seven feet tall. There's enough room for everyone. Well, I suppose Malchus did swear to protect Thoril after the incident in the swamp, so...

Thoril's probably doing great. He's undead. He doesn't feel this. Thoril always kind of feels cold, so it's not... You know, it's not too terrible for him right now. I don't always feel cold, but I'm going to give you guys an option. Oh, yeah. We can continue on to the next little section. Or it's ten o'clock and we can wrap things up for the evening. When do we get to play again? Excellent question. May 19th. I think we're on a roll here. I don't wanna... Part of me doesn't want to stretch it out too long and then part of me is like, "I wonder if it's going to be another month before we sit down." And see, the other part is that it might seem like a long time for us, but we didn't get started until like...

Less than two hours ago. Yeah. Right. I'm just saying people have jobs the next day and stuff. I don't want to keep people on beyond where it would be fun. That's all. I just want to get people to leave. The next day? More like jobs in like two hours. Well, yeah, see? Well, I mean, if Tyler wants to go, we usually go for another hour. Oh, that's fun. Well, we started an hour earlier too, but that said, I can go from there. This does feel like a good breaking point, though. So you want to stop? I'm just saying to the group, it does seem like a good breaking point.

Before anything really big happens that we had to deal with? Can you just spawn something for me to hit with my axe? Yeah, that's the only thing that's worth something. You had an opportunity there! You wanted to get a deployment. Are you disappointed that I talked our way out of this? No, of course not. No, it was awesome. And the situation that happened was the only situation that makes up for the fact that we didn't get to hit something in the face. Good God, this is like the third episode where nothing's been hit. I don't even know if we're going to have to fight this.

I was fighting like that one guy said. He didn't like it as much, so... That's cool. Oh, I guess we're... okay, we can end. I'm just going to keep going if you guys are. What if we go and hang out and do it that May weekend, won't we? Yeah. We won't have Jay. I mean, not Jay, sorry, we won't have Jake. Jake. Well, my bitch is in Charlotte and I can stuff him in my bag and bring him in. What are you guys doing next Saturday? I work. Oh no, I'm not working, but I have to do something. I'm out of town. I'm at a comm. Wow. Damn, let's do an acom. I'll be here. Wait, can we do that Thorold-Yenward episode that was supposed to be a spinoff?

That could be like a pre-Draconis-Yenward. They get lost in the woods. Let's see here then, how about the 11th? Well, what about during the week? We can't ever play during the week? I work during the week is the problem. Oh, that's right. What about Friday? I work on Friday. I'm just saying, like, when you go. I can do any day as long as it's like after midnight, because I get off work at midnight, so... Yeah, that's where I get me. Everyone else has got regular... they're daywalkers, Jake, they don't understand. Except for Tyler. I can be up at midnight. Suckers.

Well, like I said, okay, then how about the weekend of the 11th and 12th? That would be the next... that's only a couple of weeks away. Because I gotta do a group two this next Sunday. Okay. Unless that falls through. Which I hope it doesn't, but... I'm generally good for the following weekend. What about next Sunday? We already said Saturday, what about Sunday? Well, that's when I was recording with group two. But again, it's still maybe up in the air, so if that falls through... I'll be free. I'll just say that. I would be occupied next Sunday night. Because I said to Jason earlier, I was running an RPG session for our friend's birthday.

Yes, that's true, you did say that. Well then, we'll meet up in two weeks and it'll be... yeah. Because the next section is... depending on how you guys handle it, could take a little bit. Yeah. It's another diplomacy thing, you guys could, you know, like it's just... Oh shit. Okay, so there's a... because it was confusing, because it sounded like everyone was ready to go, and then we were just like, "Oh!" Except for Justin. Except, yeah. And then... Yeah. I'm just saying, it sounds like a good breaking point right now, because there's nothing going on, and we're already into the snow and stuff like that.

We're already on the journey, so... But when stuff goes... starts breaking loose and shit gets crazy, I'm afraid that nobody's gonna want to stop playing. Well, depending on how much ground we cover this next time, you may get to at least the opening of Drax Tomb. Holy shit. Snap. Ooh. Which has been something we've teased for about seven months now. Huh. So... Sajid, this is where we can stop playing. I better have something... I hope we fucking pay for this. Wait guys, hang on one second. Hang on one second. Yep. Are we not allowed to talk until Dan comes back?

Yeah, shut the fuck up. No, I'm sorry. I didn't talk. I just didn't want anybody to leave or anything. It's egotistical. Everybody, hold on. I'm not in the room right now. It's gonna be epic. I can't wait to show you. I've been working on this for... quite a long time. Quite a long time, and I can't wait to show it off to you. Better not disappoint. Someone's gonna die. I don't... Oh shit! Look, it's not... there are so many opportunities for something truly awful to happen. I'm posing. Well, Dan promised I wouldn't die. I feel like... He did do that. He did promise.

Sorry, the reason I was... like I said, I didn't want anybody to leave. I was making sure I could do it. Because Danielle's baby... she has two baby showers in the next couple weeks, so I didn't know when they were. But I am free, so... So... not this next weekend, but the weekend after that, the 11th and 12th, you'd be free? Yeah. Oh, you play two days back to back? I do, maybe? We play Saturday? I could... we could not do the wrestling randomness one week. Kind of a sad beat, you know? It'll be past the first. We'll be in our new thing. The 11th is a Saturday.

I know, that's what I'm saying. We could just not do wrestling randomness one week. We actually... I was thinking about that week since everyone's gonna be getting ready for you guys coming into town and everything. Maybe we should just take a week off. We could totally do that. Totes. Totes and goats. That'll kind of give us some time to get ready and, you know, do all that. Can I say that I think every once in a while we have to have a bad session. Like, that last sit down where the sound quality was bad and everyone kind of seemed out of it and like everyone was...

There's just general bickering and stuff. And then we sit down and that's happened before. Like, the episode where Duncan died... That was considered to be kind of a shitty... No one was feeling it and Duncan ended up dying and Dan spent the last 30 minutes of that show screaming at everyone. Yeah, he did.