Blind Ambition

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you're only going to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go, go. What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Don't forget, folks. You can send us an email at dnrpodcast@gmail.com. That's d-a-n-d-rpodcast@gmail.com. You can find us on Facebook by searching for Dungeons and Randomness. You can also find us on iTunes that way.

And give us a review. That'd be very, very helpful to us. Also, while you're swinging by Facebook or sending us an email, let us know what you like about the show. What we're doing right, what we're doing wrong. Any criticism, feedback, always, always fun to read. And thank you very much for listening. And we hope you enjoy. Uh, I guess we should do the introduction stuff, huh? My name is Jared Ironhide. I'm playing Jared Ironhide. It's a self piece. I'm-- hey, everyone. Welcome to DNR episode 14? 14, yes. 12, right? No, 14. There's shows going on without you, you know.

Got to listen to group two, man. That's where the action is. There's not shows going on without us. I heard that's where the big boys play is group two. I didn't-- Well, we fight on Friday. I think you're egging us on. [LAUGHTER] I'm Jason Masse. I'm the Dungeon Master. With us, as always, is Rob. With us is always-- that's weird. Rob. Hey, I'm Robert Wiesahan. I'm playing Malchus Grimnus, Tiefling Warlock. This is always a scarf. With us, I don't know. With us, am I us? Is that what I was saying? I don't fucking know. Jake. Hey, I am Jake. I am Draconis. I'm playing Draconis, by the way.

And I am a dragonborn fire mage. Let's do this. Let's do it. Yeah, I agree. Did you see that fan art? Yes. I did. First of all, yes. I planned on looking up the guy's name. I wanted to thank him. That's pretty awesome. That was awesome. I did see it. That was pretty badass. Yeah, I'll look it up real quick. Justin. What? Oh. My name is Justin. And I play-- I guess I should get my phone in. Justin Massie and I play Jack-I-don't-hide. And Tyler. I'm Tyler, and I play Thorol Songsteal, a human vampire. And Dan. I am Dan Phelps. I play Rodswell Joybatom, a human war priest.

And Tom. Hi, sweeties. I'm Tom. And I'm Yennward Firestomp, a minotaur. Stay black. Stay black. Sam Marks was the one who posted the fan art of Draconis on Coke. He is awesome. Yes, thank you very much. That's fucking cool. Stupid. [LAUGHTER] I'm getting serious today, though, guys. Time to get serious. Serious. When we last left off, you guys were well on your way to the north here, looking for Drax Tomb. The last thing you guys did, after Thorol got lucky in Winterhaven, and you guys took off on the road, you ran into a two-headed ogre and his small gnome friend.

And after taking care of that, you continued further north. So you guys have been on the road now for a few days. And the tree line has pretty much thinned out. You're seeing less and less wildlife. And it's just gotten progressively colder. It's just a series of ice, rock, snow, that kind of thing. After a few days of seeing no people, essentially, it's just been a series of bears, wolves, that kind of thing. And then even that starts thinning out. You happen upon a small encampment. It looks like it only consists of a large, almost a barracks-like structure.

And then what appears to be a small-- not even an inn, but just a small-- maybe a bar or a mess hall, something like that. Like something really-- like a small eatery off to the side. And this might be the only place to stop for miles, or maybe at all. I don't know what you guys would like to do. If you'd like to stop here or keep moving on. Stop? You want to stop, check it out? Yeah. Sure. Yeah, why not? Yeah. So we're all agreed. So where would you like to-- do you want to check out the barracks-like structure or the little bar thing? I think we should go into the eatery first, right?

That seems like-- Definitely, yeah. Just a barge into somewhere where people sleep probably isn't the-- All righty. And let's break a bar. Bam. Whoa. Hey, this looks familiar. Yeah, a lot of the interiors kind of look familiar. There's grass outside. I remember this table. This wooden table. They all kind of look the same. It's like Dragon Age. Just reading the-- [LAUGHTER] Hey, I've produced more interiors than Dragon Age. Now, come on, let's not-- Maybe Dragon Age, too. I'll give you Dragon Age. We are out of the city, so I mean, I guess so. This is the DLC where you get to go to another small patch of dirt.

Or you get to go inside grizzlies. So inside this-- now, the first thing you notice is that you guys have been on the road for days, and you are freezing. And this place is nice and cozy and warm inside. You also notice that there are no people. There's nothing that-- you don't see anyone to greet you or anything like that. Drinks are free. [LAUGHTER] What would you guys like to do here? Go for initiative. Call on hello. There does appear-- oh, you're going to fight each other. There does appear to be food and drink, though. There is-- there's fresh meat and beverages on tap and everything.

There's dwarven ale and all kinds of good stuff behind the bar. Malchus will yell hello, and if no one answers, he will actually walk up the staircase and see what's going on on the second floor. OK. After you shout hello, you hear-- you kind of hear a ruckus in the back. And someone kind of peeks around the corner, almost shocked to see someone in the bar. And he says, oh, I'm sorry. It's an average-looking human guy, just a human male, wearing a bloody apron. And you're like, oh, I'm sorry. I didn't hear anyone come in. What can I do for you folks? We'll get some food and some beer up in here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. [LAUGHTER] So-- I played The Walking Dead. I've seen this. It's not-- it's not-- come on. It seems like a good deal to me. Should we do some kind of perception check or-- For that blood all over his front? Yeah. Look at the meat on the table. Come on, guys. He's just a butcher. Trying to meet that his-- Yeah. Would that give us any kind of-- Perception? Absolutely. Did you kill him? Right off his hands. I have a passive perception of 18, is that-- Whoa. Passive perception-- you notice this guy is tremendously average. Like, nothing-- I mean, usually, people have defining characteristics of the guy.

But there's something almost-- just something a little off about him just a tiny bit. If you want to eat people, guys, go ahead. Robots don't eat. Oh, that's right. This whole thing makes him somehow even more suspicious. I just-- Oh, god. I'm not a people on the planet. I'm going to run through. If you guys want to roll a perception check, something like that. Sure. I'll try it. I have insight of 18. I have eight-- I have plus eight perception. Does anybody have higher than that? I got three. No. Pretty much useless here. Perceptions. You'll bite him. So we'll let-- we'll let-- we'll let Rauchwald do this one. 20. 20.

Scanning around the empty bar, you don't see anything out of place. Nothing looks amiss. And it all seems, like, incredibly run of the mill. And that's almost kind of strange considering where you are. Because this is beyond civilization. You are many, many, many miles away from any cities or towns. So it's kind of strange to see something almost, like, pristine like this. It looks like a common tavern that you'd find in the middle of a city somewhere. You also see where the doors open in the back room. And you can see where the guy's just cutting up, like, hunks of meat.

Like, he's obviously taking something apart. And he's-- I don't know what the term is for butchering. I guess-- I mean, butchering sounds terrible in this context. But he's butchered something and is carving it up for eats. My land. Is anyone trained in nature and could just, like, see if they know what animal that is based on the carcass? I think-- Where would I find that? I look like a minotaur. --a plus three. Thank you. I have a plus eight. I know Thoril used to have really high nature. I don't know. Where would I find that again? I don't-- --have skills. 21.

My nature is-- No. So Ironhide-- Yeah, that's tough. Ironhide scans the meat. Oh. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, Justin just went ahead. Like, he's like, nah, fuck this. I'm sorry. I just-- it's like, well, mine is a four. Well, mine is a seven. So maybe I should-- Well, do we-- we only get one shot at it, right? I mean-- Yeah. Most of the time, yeah. 21 is pretty good. It's a lot better than yours. Uh-- so Ironhide scans the-- OK, OK, enough. Sorry. Still better. We are way too early to argue about anything yet. Please, let us go. There's no conflict yet. Come on. You're killing me.

And Tom rolls a 22. Way better. Just come on. 21. Thoril and Ironhide-- or I'm sorry, not Thoril. Yenward and Ironhide hold hands and scan the meat together. [LAUGHTER] 21. And immediately notice that that doesn't look like animal parts. It's fat chicks. I think we should leave, guys. I say we run him through. Here, let's talk to him a little bit. What-- so what exactly is this settlement here? We noticed there's another 10 down. So we haven't gone inside that yet. Like, what-- you obviously can't cater to a lot of people. So what is this place? Well, welcome to Camp Icebreaker.

This was once a thriving settlement, actually. We had many people who searched for their weight in gold in the mountains here. And slowly but surely, when the winter struck, they just kind of thinned out. Just from the cold? Yeah, sure. He kind of says that suspiciously. Insight. [LAUGHTER] A 27 insight check. 27 insight. Can you just please let me just run him through? [LAUGHTER] I think I pretty much figured out what's going on here. Ironhide, the only thing you're running him through with is a piercing gaze. I honestly think this guy's legit. And I think this is a good place to eat.

I think we're good. 27 insight. Everything he's saying. Is a fucking lie. It smacks of-- hey, welcome. Please leave. It kind of smacks of that. Like, he didn't expect anybody to be here. He's definitely not comfortable with you questioning him. So he's not trying to trap us, though. After that, he reaches out and he wants to shake Rodswell's hand. And he says, Dallas Bowhunter, nice to meet you. Don't do it. [LAUGHTER] Could that be the episode's name? Dallas Bowhunter. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. And Rodswell refrains from shaking his hand and just says, you know, it's nice to meet you, too.

I have a thing about touching. I'm sorry. You know. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, yeah. Like, how do you know? I put on my fist for a fist bump. We can fist bump if you want to fist bump. Oh, I'm not a bard, sir. I don't fist bump. [LAUGHTER] Oh, and then Rodswell sheds tears. Just starts crying openly. You also notice there's blood all over his hand, and he didn't even bother to wipe it off before extending his hand to shake. Like, either he didn't notice it or didn't think about it. So we see a lot of meat back there. We haven't seen a lot of animals or anything roaming around in these parks.

Pretty cool outside. Oh, are you hungry? I could fix you something right up. Well, we're just curious as to where you found all that. I mean, we've been looking for food for a while, and we can't find anything. So where'd you find all that meat? Did you just do an intimidate check? Oh, me and my brother Terry. Terry lives in the settlement here. We're experienced hunters. That's probably why you didn't see too many animals around here. Oh, OK. OK, I'll insight check on that. Because we hunted them to extinction. 29, insight check on that. That is a bold-faced lie.

Can I intimidate check right now? Terry does live here. OK. Yeah, I think we can do an intimidate check, you know, about pressing him for information on what exactly-- Mine's only four, so I don't want to just go outside. That's a yin word, right? Yin word? That's a malkus. Just move his face. I got a plus 10 intimidate. Do you want me to try? Oh. Tom. We didn't decide he was doing this yet. No, that was an intimidate check. OK, whatever. Good lord. OK, so they all go grrr. You guys need to get on the same page. Everyone's trying to fit through this door together.

So malkus, for his intimidate check, he says, sir, let's cut the shit. This seems quite suspicious, and that doesn't look like an animal in the back. I suggest you be forward with us now. You cursing just doesn't sound right. Grrr. Yeah, no, it's kind of half-hearted. Far-sharted, I swears. It was a little hard, but I like it. The problem is Rob's too gentle. Like, he's so good natured. Well, well, shit, it just seems like something's off, you know? Like, you join that voice, I imagine you say, "Curse me." There's something like that before you actually do curse.

God damn it. Darn it. He's like Ned Slanders. Well, he's not that cheesy. Like, it's not-- he's not-- at that, he has had this grin on his face the entire time you've been standing here. Like, all this cheesy, neighborly, congenial grin. And as soon as you said that, that is gone from his face. His brother Terry walks in the front door just after that and is completely unaware of the situation that's just unfolded. And he has the same cheesy grin on his face. Oh, it's hereditary. Can I bag him? So Terry walks in and says, oh, visitors. We don't get too many of those.

Hi, Terry. Yep, six of us, two of you. Hi, minotaur. And Dallas says, oh, don't worry, Terry. These folks were just leaving. I don't think we got an answer from Dallas. You did not. And that's-- while intimidated, he is intent on clamming the fuck up. You want to cry a little bit? Big group? Would a history check do us any good in this situation? It would definitely give you more information about the encampment. OK, I got a plus 13. OK, there you go. OK, never mind. Tyler-- Tyler, Jesus Christ. Shit, I didn't realize that I-- Tyler pissed himself open. We got a plus 14.

I didn't realize that was the only-- Too late. We need to discuss it from now on. Everyone stop just, you know-- Clicking shit. So how hard does he piss himself in shit? That's a natural one, Jax. I imagine more people could do history checks. He tears his assholes under. OK. Plus enough like a full-- Um-- I'll let you guys. It's OK. It's not a big deal. Uh-- Here, if you need me. You notice, looking around the bar, that it looks like a lot of these-- looks like the wooden tables and floors have been scrubbed multiple times. Should we do some kind of dungeoneering check, or-- Dungeoneering really wouldn't help here.

I get to see traps being somewhere here. OK, well, they're asking us to leave. I got something. How about a religion check? [SNORT] What? It looks like they're sacrificing shit. Anna? Yeah, yeah. Go for it. I got a plus 8. I got a plus 8. I got a plus 8, but I sucked at the last one, so-- I have a 12 plus 12 religion. There you go. Come on, the demon? Malchus, what's your religion? Malchus? Low. It's three. No, I'm sorry. Three. You're the same. So Draconis, you're the religion. Am I clear to roll? Am I clear to roll? All right, here it comes. I apologize. Let's do this. [LAUGHTER] You know they're just messing with you, Ty.

I'm sorry. I told you guys. 18. I'm like shitting my pants. This is like-- You notice around their necks are these small red pendants that seem to have some sort of religious symbol carved on them. And it almost has a faint glow to it. Scary. Told you to call, Jarek. Terry continues to stare at you with the same blank smile, while Dallas is kind of motioning at the door with his head like, thanks for coming, that kind of thing. OK. I look towards the cross around their necks. Not a cross. It's more like-- A religious symbol. Yeah. It's kind of like a ruby pendant type deal with something scrawled on it.

Yeah. And I say, I have a man of the cloth, actually. And I notice that you have some sort of symbol. Although, I'm not familiar with it. What exactly is that? Is it something you worship? Terry and Bo-- or Terry-- yeah, Terry and Dallas both look at each other. And they both kind of look at each other's pendants and then just kind of grasp it. Oh, this is nothing special. It's just nothing special. You folks should be on your way now, huh? You didn't answer about the meat. Man. Oh, I was just holding this course on the intimidation. Hi, I'm Rob. I'm cheerful.

I'm just playing a character. [LAUGHTER] By the role, that role wasn't meant for anything. That was an accident. I apologize. No, that's fine. No, he did dodge the meat question, and it's-- it's getting to the point now where they're obviously agitated and not-- Maybe. So can we still get food, or is that out of the-- [LAUGHTER] Fine, give me your meat. Is that a table? I think they're not going to serve us. I really fucking want those grapes. I want to-- What happens if we just fucking barge back in the back and see what's going on back there? Well, that's going to start some shit, but you know what?

I want to see what's going on upstairs. Yeah, I'm curious as to what's going on upstairs. We got the barracks to go-- yeah. Did you guys ever think that they could be victims in all this? No. They could be trying to get us out-- I'm just saying. They could just be trying to get us out of here to help us out. True. Before the monster comes. Yeah. Like, get out here and serve. You know what's good for you. Marshall, why wouldn't they tell us? So do we go check out the barracks? Monster, we're always watching. All right, how about we leave and check out the barracks, and if there's something shady in there, we come back.

OK. OK. Yeah. I'd like to check out that-- yeah, check it out. Get your meat out of my face. So you're barging past them and just leaving. They said-- they told us to leave, so we'll leave. Right. He meant the camp? Oh, well, we're not going to do that. They're not-- they're going to be inside here. They're not going to see what we're doing out there. OK. So you guys have left the bar area, and you are going to the barracks. Yes. There's couches and beds everywhere. Yeah, so-- Nothing door in here at all. So there are several things that you notice upon walking in here is that, one, it's another-- almost-- it's, again, you'd expect to find this in an inn in the city.

Like, it's pretty lushly furnished and warm and cozy, very inviting. Especially-- you would even know that if you open the door to the outside, there is just torrential weather constantly. You wouldn't-- I mean, you'd never think that, you know, just outside there's this horrible, ongoing blizzard, almost, constantly, of just ice and sleep. So I'm going to take a guess that these guys get, like, weary travelers who are sick from the cold, and they get them to warm up to them and stay there, and then kill them and eat them. I think they ate everybody that was living in this settlement, and they lied to us about them just going in the mountains and dying.

We know they lied. I think they just ate everybody that lived here, Donner Party style. OK. I'm kidding. It looks like we have a choice. We can either leave, then just say whatever to them, just walk right out. That's what they want us to do anyway. Wash your hands of this and just keep going north. Or-- Could we hide away from the camp and just kind of see what they're doing? We stop all forward progress. You know, I'm going to bring up a point here. We've gotten to a lot of shit by taking the law into our own hands in the past. And as sketchy as this shit looks-- Maybe we should just leave it alone.

Yeah. OK. I don't know if there's anything to gain. They don't seem like-- You know what? This is scary. You don't have to convince me. They're not attacking us, so-- And yeah, they don't seem like people that we would have a problem with if we fought them. And killing them at this point would probably just be kind of brutal. I mean, I'm pretty sure they're eating dudes, but like-- Pretty sure they're eating dudes. But that's a lifestyle decision. [LAUGHTER] I'm sure that-- Like I said, I was pretty sure that Black Hand was killing people, but we still caused a mess when we took care of that.

I'm pretty sure that that's not what religion wants for guys to go around eating people, eating dudes. So-- OK. I'm perfectly content with leaving enough alone. Yeah. Is this too crazy to stay the night and head out in the morning? Just saying, there's a-- Actually, there's a-- I don't actually-- Can I just-- I want to address the audience for a moment, all right? Audience, you guys heard when I said I would be quiet about leadership issues, OK? I just want credit. [LAUGHTER] They didn't say that because that was on deleted. That was a problem. Oh, that was on the deleted one.

Yeah. Really? Yeah, that was the hour and a half long conversation you guys had about stuff. [LAUGHTER] So now everyone thinks you're crazy. What do you think you should-- All right, I'll think. Malchus, what do you think? I-- all of the decisions I'm making are like, don't interfere with the horrible thing going on, and maybe we should sleep the night with them. Like, that doesn't sound like a hot slice of crazy to anyone else here. Well, can we have-- Well, like one person stay up maybe and watch-- and be lookout or something? I say we just head out, head away from the-- I don't have the benefit of staying the night.

I think that-- I've seen no-- It's fucking cold out there, though. I mean, yes. I see no reason. No cursing. Yes, my bad. My bad. Wait, can we let-- since we're not kind of being watched here, see if there's anything we can take that can be useful to us. So now we're thieves. What do you mean? You're a-- They eat people, fuck. Allegedly. Yeah. We play-- [INTERPOSING VOICES] Listen, I want to say something. I can actually, when Jerrick sleeps, he doesn't actually sleep, he just keeps scanning the room. So you guys can actually sleep, and for four hours, I'll just go into hibernation for a while.

Then if something pops up, like a sexual attacker, you know, and starts to grab Genworth or something like that. Hey, stop. What the fuck? Hey, you spoke to me. That's not-- you know what? I'm starting to turn on this. That sounds like a lot of fun. Just like-- This sexual attacker, get him. Genworth in a dress. Can we do a perception check in here? We didn't do one in here. Oh, that's a good idea. I have plus seven streetwise if that's good for anything, like outside the camp. Well, there's not really a street to have the word on the street for. Yeah. I have a passive perception of 18, so.

How about my endurance? Can I do some push-ups? I have 11. I want to do some push-ups too. Anything interesting going on in here? DM? Actually, there is a chest on the opposite side of the room, which is kind of in an alcove. It's not really out in the open. But yeah, you do notice that there's-- it looks like a chest may be full of some personal possessions, something like that. Who has good thievery? That would be engineering, wouldn't it? No, there's one straight up thievery. I got a plus eight. OK, well then, looks like you're-- because it is locked. Do we want to do-- do we want to see what's in the chest, guys?

Yeah. Yeah, we can open it without taking it. Could be blankets. Does anybody have better than plus eight? No. No. For what? Thievery. Thievery. There's a thievery thing in here? Yeah, for thieves. Three. OK, plus eight. I got five. We got thievery. Here goes nothing. 25. Nice. Nice. You deftly unlock the chest with nary a sound made. Inside you find a collection of shirts and pants and small sacks of gold. Oh. I want to take a couple of those sacks. Grab this gold. I got eight of them. And three health potions. I grabbed one of them. Oh, yeah. You also find what looks to be a diary.

I can't read. Oh, no. Read that, Gil. Continuity. I really like how Thor-- how Thor unlocked it and Yennward just pushed ahead. Take the gold. What's this book? I can't read. [LAUGHTER] I imagine me quietly unlocking it and then just Yennward shoving by me and he's just tossing shit out of the chest. Thanks, brah. Now move. It's very much that Hulk Thor scene from Avengers. We're just going to map across the room. Just throwing shit behind him. What's the diary? The diary is from a young woman who stayed in the camp. [GROANING] OK. [LAUGHTER] How? Are you actually macking on a fucking diary that belonged to a woman?

She might come back for it. Or she might-- I'll leave my name in the back. On the front of it, the name Mary is inscribed. I just realized that Tom said that Yennward would write his name. It's kind of weird how he can't read, but he can write. Well, the symbol. He could stomp out something. I'm just going to draw a picture of myself. OK. Everyone knows. It's just a little caricature of a bromo-bowl head. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Day one at Camp Icebreaker. It's been a long road to get this far north. My husband is certain a mine in this area is teeming with rare gems and perhaps other riches.

I am not as certain, but he says we must stick together. The camp is teeming with life, people heading either further north or, for some ungodly reason, staying here and making a go in the mines. For whatever pursuit they traveled here for, they headed and headed back south to civilization. At least there will be people to keep me company while my husband finds his fortune. Camp Icebreaker, day 15. The camp has begun to thin out a bit. Winter is nearly here, and I am told this place will be even less inhabitable once the snow begins. I believe them. It's gotten far colder than even my husband has anticipated, though I'm not surprised.

Planning ahead doesn't seem to be his strong suit. He has found nothing in his trips to the mine, and hope seems to be dwindling by the day. Where I once had the company of Alice and Trevor, a couple with a similar design as me and my husband, they simply vanished one day. I suppose they decided they would head back down south and give this silly notion of getting rich overnight up. I suspect we will be before too long. Day 23. I fear the worst for my husband. It's been three days since I've set eyes on him. On one of his now daily trips to the mine, he failed to come back by nightfall.

The few who remained at camp set out to search for him, but found nothing, not even his equipment or a recent fire. It's like he never existed at all. To make matters worse, the south road is no longer safe to travel on, as the pounding snow and relentless wind would surely claim most after only a few hours of travel. The few remaining people have dwindled and either traveled further north or made camp somewhere else. The two brothers who own the establishment, Dallas and Terry Bohunner, have kept me company in the last few days. They have tried to keep hope alive that my husband is still out there and he will make a safe return.

I can only hope the weather will clear up soon and I can send for help. Here, have some food. That is the last entry. All right. Um, OK. So should we go ask them where's Mary? No. There's no lie. I still feel the whole leaving well enough alone thing is-- Yeah. OK. OK. We have never tried that yet. I feel like this is a good chance. So we're not staying that night. So how much gold did I get? Greedy. There was 125 gold in that chest and three health potions. Split it six ways. Yeah, that's not exactly incredible, but still. Tell you the truth, Thor should have it.

Uh, you guys split all your gold. That's the way we've always done it. I think you might have meant the health potions. All three health potions? Well, one for Thor, one for Yandwor, and one for-- I have 73 health. I don't really need it. Why don't we just use the health potions for whoever needs them as we go? Well, it's whoever's holding them. Yeah, so there you go. So you guys kind of need to decide. Just split it up between whoever has the lowest health. That'd be Draconis, Thoril, and Rod's Well. I stay out of range of the healers, so give it to them. Malchus rarely gets hurt bad enough to make it important.

Yeah, so give it to the tanks. Yeah, I'm down with that. So Yandwor, let me see. Yandwor, Ironhide, and Thoril? OK, so each one of you have a health potion, which come in handy. Good chairs. And you guys are just leaving camp right now and just making out for-- Spoiling this was camp candy. Love that fucking show when I was-- [LAUGHTER] Forgot it existed. Thank you. Till now. Now I have something to do tonight. You too. You're welcome. I just want to point out that Draconis is very disappointed. He didn't get his grapes. I just want to point that out. He didn't get his grapes?

His grapes, yes. There are grapes. He saw grapes in the end on the table. [LAUGHTER] Go back and get his grapes. I'll get them. I'll carry it back. Put your dress on. We're just going to walk in there, and those two idiots are going to be eating steak, and we're not going to be able to find Yandwor. That's the problem. Yep. So you guys leave camp Icebreaker behind and re-enter the blistering harsh winds and snow. Damn it. While it would have been nice to kind of rest up and get your wits back about you in the nice warm-- Yes. --hearth of camp Icebreaker, who knows what could have happened?

Who knows what kind of impossible rapes would have happened? [LAUGHTER] So you guys take off, and you are on the road a couple of more days. After breaking camp-- Sorry, it kind of sounded like those brothers were expecting us to find the place and lay down for the night. We'll never know. That's one. Has the DM balls up his piece of paper? [LAUGHTER] Yeah, we just do it. You just want to move on? OK. Son of a bitch. Wait, guys. Let's turn back. No, no, no. We forgot our grapes. It's fine. I stayed up all night writing. That's fine. Whatever. It's all good. We forgot our Yidwort.

Let's go. At least we let you say your diary entry. Can you imagine if we didn't pop open the chest? Yeah, actually. It's happened before. You guys have done that a lot. It has to be there, though, on the off chance. It's like, hey, let's look around. It's like, fuck, I have nothing prepared. After you break camp on the second day after leaving Camp Icebreaker, you notice a rumbling under the earth. [GROANING] And-- It is those worms that they were telling us about. Oh, shit. I'm scared. Damn, we should have stayed the night. Wait, wait. Is that worm W-O-R-M or W-Y-R-M?

You're about to find out. Don't say either one of them. I'm going to stand near this hole. If you guys could put your characters-- Get away from that hole. OK. Right in this area right here. OK, I'll be over here. Radical formation, we can't have healers in front. Yeah. Right here, you guys. Right, right here. I'll roll, doggy. [SINGING] So-- Oh, there. [LAUGHTER] Stop it. Most of what you've been traversing are vast fields at this point. There are barely any trees. When you do see trees, they look kind of sickly. And it's so cold that it's impractical for a lot of things to just grow up here.

You've also noticed that the sun is rarely out. It's almost always some kind of participation. Precipitation, how about that? In the form of snow or ice or sleet, something like that. Or just freezing cold rain. Oh, shit. And underneath your feet, you feel a rumbling. And you all just kind of stop to see if it passes. And for a second, it does. And then from the earth in front of you bursts a large frost worm. Oh, god. That answers my question. Negotiate. I thought it was Yom-Bos-Tet for a second. Diplomacy. We really should have let Thorol feed on those dudes back there.

That's some scary shit. It has teeth. That is a huge-- Wow. I don't know if we can combat with a Z formation. Broadswell, I just want to remind you of your promise you made me. Thank you. I didn't make any promise. Hey, what promise was it? No promise. That he wouldn't die. At least we got those health pots. That's good. So these things are also-- there's a slang term for them, and they're called bloodworms as well. See you in the scare here. [LAUGHTER] I choose not to find out why they're called bloodworms. Well, then you gentlemen should roll initiative. Oh.

Oh. It's been a while since we had to do that. Remind me. What's an initiative? [LAUGHTER] That's right, you guys have not fought anything in a very long time. I have a feeling we're going to be roasting. 16. I'm gay. If you look under Details, it'll tell you your initiative. Your initiative is 3, sir. OK, cool. Minus 0. Awesome. 22. 26. That's right, I'm 0, right? Because the 10 is not-- What? No, no, no, that counts. Oh, so it's a d20 plus 10? Whatever your initiative is. It's whatever you want to do. Oh, I'm sorry. OK, 7. I'm sorry. I was looking at intelligence.

Sorry. 7. That's what I was saying. Your initiative is 10? Fuck. [LAUGHTER] Oh, well, that sounds great. So-- Hold on. Hold on. Still-- I'm still-- Oh, 5. Got it. Dan rolled a 9. Kenward got 22. Got 16. Not bad. Whatever. Let's see. Jake rolled an 11. Let's see here. Justin rolled a 16. Malchus rolled a 19. And what did Thoril roll here? 26. 26. Goddamn, son. Still says it's about 275 pounds. You're fucking not. And I need-- I don't know why he keeps changing that, but you're not. You're 625 pounds. And the worm, 15. So let's take that out. And Thoril, you're definitely going first.

So this worm bursts forth and definitely splits and cracks this incredibly thick ice beneath you. So what you guys are walking on is essentially solid ground covered in layers and layers of ice and snow. So he has definitely noticed you. She was good diplomacy. [LAUGHTER] Oh, yes. [LAUGHTER] I think I actually have good diplomacy. No, that's not. [LAUGHTER] Let's reason with it. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Trying to find something that's actually ranged. I don't have a lot of range stuff. Just walk up to it. Yeah, you can move up close to it. You still got your move action.

Try hitting on it. Yeah, but I don't want to get too close to it. It's not that big. What's that can happen? Just covers half the map. I'm going to go right here, so I'm at least kind of out of the way and I can do something. Close. I'll charge up to it because you. Oh, one, two, three. Wait, you just moved out of the way? What? No, I'm out of everybody's line of sight just in case. Jesus. That is smart. I haven't done dark beckoning before. So it's a d20 plus 8. It has a range 5. So let's see. And this is versus will, 18. That'll miss. Shit. OK. OK, well, we know 18 doesn't work.

Well, versus will. Versus will. Oh. All right. Well, yin word, you're up. Cool. Wait, what's my speed? Can I reach him walking? 5? One, two, three, four, five. There we go. Boom. And I'm going to use Crack the Shell with my fancy new axe. I'm going to like the blade first. [LAUGHTER] It's a d20 plus 13. Axe is going to shatter on impact. [LAUGHTER] He breaks it first hit. First hit. That's going to miss, Sarah. 22. [GROANING] Wait, for AC? Yes. Jesus. That is-- I'm so glad I got more than just AC attacks. You guys can go up there all day. I would say. [LAUGHTER] I'll make sure the women are safe.

That's how. I am going to-- I can't do anything. I'm stuck right near him. Yes. Knife. Malkus, your turn. OK. Minor action, I'll put up Emerald Shield. So my AC and Reflex are plus 2. And wow, I guess I'll-- Let me-- Yeah, I'll do what I can. I'm not getting closer, but I'll do something for you. Do what I can. I made a mistake. [LAUGHTER] Actually, most of my best stuff is melee anyway, so I will boldly assist you. 1, 2, 3. I cannot get to flanking. I can flank. Next turn, I'll flank. OK. Is flanking-- I'm sorry. Is flanking any one of these right here? You would have to get to this one or better.

I'm sorry, I don't have pointer up, do I? You would have to get to this one, this one, or this one. Yeah, all right, cool. That's what I was asking. OK. Cool. And I think-- OK. Well, in that case, if you're going to-- you're probably better to be in flanking than I am, so I will-- I'll take the open end here. Cool. And I'll leave that other one for you. So let's see. This is going to be-- actually, it's best if I open with Soul Eater so I don't miss on my encounter attack. So let's instead open with Soul Eater. OK. D20 plus 12 versus AC. That's not helpful. That didn't do it. 15, yeah. 15's going to miss.

Can we run? You look slow. That is all from me. That's all from me. Ironhide, your turn. All right. So one, two, three, four-- Oh, shit, the worm's next. Sex. I'm going to go right here and plead for life. Special ability where I put on fancy lipstick. I'm going to use Purifying Wound. It's a 4d8 plus 5 damage. Oh, and if I hit. And it has 5 ongoing fighter damage with a saving throw that he gets to make at the end of the turn. OK, so you're using the daily. Yeah. All right. My gosh, this fucking misses. I'll kill myself. 21. That'll miss. God damn it. Fuck. Wow. Whoa.

This is going to be brutal, guys. This is not going well. I think this is the end of the line for us, actually. We're going to just warp home. So you're in the back. They weren't kidding when they said three of us were going to die. Yep. You three are already next to them. The other three, having seen this, decide to whistle and walk away. Yep. Well, actually, we said that if it's a tie, they would go home, right? The three? Anybody want to put up your hair? [LAUGHTER] It is the frost worm's term. Oh, god. Blood worm, whatever you-- let's see, what would he like to do?

Bite not you. How would he like to murder you today? Let's see. This wants to concentrate. Let's see. What he's going to do is-- Ask for it. He takes mercy upon us. He's going to rear back and unhinge his jaw wide and then descend upon Yanward and try to devour you whole. Oh, what? Wow. Let me get my fancy dice roller out. This is going to be a d20 plus 15 versus your-- when is this first-- reflex. You better not die in one bite. Love you, Tom. Stay strong. 19. What do I do? What's your reflex? Pray. Where do I find that? Your reflex is a 14. So he devours you whole.

What? Which means you are inside the worm right now. OK, but we're not dead. You're not dead. Yes. Every turn that you're in the worm, you're going to take 10 damage. We got an insight, man. We're OK now. We got a man on the inside. Find the heart. Can I attack him from the inside when it's my turn? You can basically roll a saving throw. That's pretty much all you can do while you're inside the worm. And that's treating it like you're attacking it from the inside, making you inedible. He'll try and spit you out eventually. Because of the damage. Because of the-- yeah.

Wicked damage. Let's see here. And at the end of his turn-- While I was getting devoured, I was sliding down his throat. I bellow you, promise. I hate you so much. This at will move is going to be-- but I didn't. And for his movement, he is going to tunnel under the earth. No. OK, that's good. That's a lot of stuff. And let's see here. That makes him-- one, two, three, four. And he's going to move there. He is underground right now. So Drake, Draconis, your turn. Wait, so can we not attack him while he's underground? Yeah, can we attack? He's essentially not on the battlefield.

Just skip your turn until he springs back up. What? Oh my god. So we can't attack him, basically. What the fuck? No. All right, then. Delay your turn. I am going to move. I don't know how to-- how do you do the blue thing? I don't know how you do the blue thing. What are you talking about? The blue thing? Just-- oh, you just won your character. Two, three-- OK, yeah. Four, five. OK, yeah, that's actually really good that you could tell away. Yeah. And since I can't do anything, I guess I'm going to end my turn. No. I mean, I don't know what-- Well, he's already moved.

He's taking his turn. He can't delay. All right, all right, cool. Yeah. Is that how you could do, like, charge or-- Underground? You could set an area on fire and hope he pops up in that area. I don't know how to horse like that. It'd be nice, though. I can do a big battle shift. My life's on the line, Jake. Don't blow the fire. All right. You got this, trust me. Roswell, your turn. I'm going to delay. OK. Thorl, your turn. I'm going to delay. Genward, your turn. You guys are toast. I'm going to do a saving throw. How does one do this? Just roll a d20. How does one do this? 20.

Crit. Nine. 10 or higher would free you, but no. So-- Don't spoil the ending. Malchus, your turn. I'll delay. All right. Jarek, your turn. Delay. It's the worm's turn. OK, yeah, yeah. All right, do you want to delay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's best. It's for the best. The worm is going to use something called eruption. This is like-- we're all spread out just enough to where this is like Russian roulette. This is-- so this is a burst, too. So anyone within two squares of the universe, Malchus, Roswell, and Thorl. He bursts forth from the ground, and it causes this-- like, basically, his mouth is wide open while erupting from the ground.

So that's going to be a d20 plus 15. Oh, my god. This is versus your reflex. I'm going to start with Malchus. 19. Oh, right on the money. Shoot. OK. Roswell. My reflex is 14. 27. And Thorl. 26. Shit. And then damage, which is 4d6 plus 6. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. 16. Oh, that is not bad. OK. OK. That could've been awful. Since we all delayed, does that mean I get like two turns now? You don't get two turns, but you can-- I mean, you basically-- you can all kind of choose to just gang him now. Like, that's kind of your options. But I mean, we all get two turns before he gets another turn.

No. No, that's not the-- no. The delay-- the sole purpose of delaying was that we could not effectively act at all while he was underground. Yeah. OK. There was just nothing-- It was like a pass, right? Yeah. You don't get to store them. So next up will be Draconis. All right. OK. I'm going to do my fire burst, actually. Just got this bad boy. Hey, can you move over one so I'm not in the-- can it hit me? Some of his moves can hit you, actually. I know. That's why. Let's see. Fire burst. Make it burst around here. Oh my god, fingers. Fire burst, standard action. Area two within 20 squares.

Each creature in the burst. So yes, this could hit you guys, too. OK. Is it from where I'm at? Like, a radius from where I am? Is that what it is? What you're doing is-- It's within 20 squares of you. OK. So now, here's my question. If he hits-- like, let's say he hits here, right? And that space. Nobody would get hit by it, right? Side stem. Let's see here. One. So it would be like out here like that. OK. There you go. Yeah. So there you go. So I can do that, correct? Yes, you can. All right, actually, OK. That's what I'm going to do. Will that hurt? Yenward? No. No. He's within the belly of the beast.

Somewhere in there, yeah. Right there. So burst two. Yeah. Burst two within 20 squares. Yeah. All right. So that's a d20 plus 10. Yep. Versus reflex. Perfect. Awesome. 19. That is going to miss, sir. OK. It does half damage, though. Misses half damage. OK, so roll damage. 3d6 plus 6. Yep. It's plus 6, and this is a big roll. 7. So yeah, that does 7 damage. First blood, you get a lap dance. Yes. So you set fire to his back, and he lets out a shriek. So it does absolutely hurt him. He's definitely not used to fire. Ooh. Aha. I like that. Next up is Rod Swell. OK. I am going to use Brand of the Sun.

Ooh. Tasty. I have to move up one now. So I'm going to do that. OK. OK. I'm going to use Brand of the Sun. All right. 20 plus 14. Roll it. 23. What's that for AC? AC. That'll hit. OK. So I will do-- that means his AC is 23, guys. All right. We write that down here. So that is 1d8 plus 8. That is radiant damage. OK. So 10 damage on him. 10 damage. OK. And check this out. You or one ally within five squares of you can make a saving throw. Oh. Nice. That would be me. That would be you. Go ahead and make that saving roll, son. You saved me. 13. Nice. Look at that. When I make a promise I didn't make, I keep the promise I do.

So Yennward's thrashing and axe swinging within the worm is enough to have him spat out by the worm directly in front of the worm. How much damage does it do? Like a lot, right? He took 10 damage while inside. No, I mean like the worm. He took a lot of damage, right? So like emotional damage. He's great. It was enough to spit him out, not enough to hurt him, apparently. It hurt him by 50. Can you guys just give me a few turns to just cry out for a little bit? That's all horrible things. Thoril, your turn. All right. Let's see. I'm trying to figure shit out real quick.

I figured I can-- am I technically like within melee distance? I should be, right? Yes. OK. Trying to see which one goes after reflex because-- there we go. Because I'm sure a giant ass worm doesn't have great reflex. Oh, well, we're going to find out. I'm going to do vampire slam on him. Yeah, try to slam the worm. It's got a Hulk Hogan. D20 plus 9. 12. Wow. That's going to miss there. Wow. I am failing today. Would you like to move or shift or anything? Chris, you're going to slam that 9,000 pound worm. Back up just a little bit here. Jesus Christ, that's not a shift.

Yeah, that's not a shift. Oh, it's a-- oh, I got a shift. You're in melee range, so. Oh, shift. Just one back then. Yenward, your turn, sir. Yeah. I am going to-- 1, 2, 3, 4. B5 to get right behind him? Well, you're right in front of him, which means he gets an attack of opportunity if you-- So I'm not going to do that then. I'll just attack him. All righty. Let's see. What power do I want to use? I think I want to use brute strike, because my other daily worked out so great. I imagine that's AC. Slaver. D20 plus 13. Please. 27 will hit. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. So my damage is 68 plus 7.

Jesus Christ. All right, cut his head off. D8 is the third one, right? Yes. Yes. 6d8 plus 7. Oh, wait, I didn't add all the six-- No, that's 68 plus 7. 68. 1, 1, 1, 1. 4, 5. That's 6 dice. My hands are very full of dice right now. 8. Plus 7. Oh, 6d8. Yeah, I'm dumb. Roll. 38 damage. That's beautiful. Phenomenal. It's 9, because he did a plus 6. Oh, you're right, he did. 39. You slash your axe at him, and it cuts a nice big hole right where his stomach region is. And he lets out a shriek. Would you like to do anything else? Can I move away from him? You could shift back.

You could do that. There, boom. Turn it up. Oh, I didn't take off the full shed. My bad. He's bloody. Oh, wow. I took off 29. Pussy worm. Eat him, motherfucker. Pussy worm? That sounds disgusting. Pussy worm. Her pussy had worms. Malkus, your turn. Follow that. [LAUGHTER] Oh, cool, I can get flanking. I'll go up there and then down there and flank with Rodswell, I think that is. Yep. Let's start with Soul Eater, because I got to get that bonus to try my other thing. Oh, and he's bloodied, so I get-- what do I get when someone's bloodied? Here's where the bonuses stack.

Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and I don't like his face. I get plus two for that. You look at his back. Socks don't match, just another d20. [LAUGHTER] He didn't shake my hand. Pentalize him for being rude. Does he respect me? He doesn't respect the effects I provide. Plus one on attacks, he was bloody face. OK. 20-- oh, but I didn't add flanking to that, so 23. That'll hit. Yay. Awesome. God dammit. I was about to give you some bad news. Yeah, yeah. D12 plus 11 on damage. 22 damage. 22 damage is fantastic. It's quite the mental punch there, I guess. I will action point.

Ooh. And follow up with Blazing Doom of the Void at a plus 15 to hit. Blazing Doom. Damn. 34. Nice. That was a hit? That'll hit anything he's got, so yeah. So 2d12 plus 11. Fire. So he's dead. We'll see. Damn it. 33. Hey. As Malkus shanks him in the back over and over again, the worm falls forward and kind of lets out this gurgled last scream and dies. Can I loot the worm? Thoril, eat him. What? Eat him, Thoril. Eat him. Malkus just grins and looks at the party and says, all for pushing on, and raises his own hand. Is there a way we can push on but not on the ground?

Should we have-- I mean, can Thoril feed on the worm? Is that a thing? It's kind of got-- it's incredibly acidic. The innards of it are acid. Think alien. Gotcha. Yeah. So Yimrd got burned while he was up in there. Yes. That is definitely why he was taking damage inside the stomach. He was being digested. You guys want to push on? Any chance we can take five real quick? Like in real life or in the game? In real life. Sure. We can take five. The worm didn't leave any-- Just worm parts. Just kind of worm parts. OK, I'll take some worm teeth just in case. As a trophy?

Yeah. Swear one on my neck. I like that. Survived its belly. Badge of Honor. So be your best. Got scared there when I got swallowed. Like, is that already? That's it? I got scared when we all took swings at him. And it's like, no? No damage at all? OK, great. What I was most mad about is the one time I got to swing my new axe, I miss, and then I die. It's a rite of passage for primary melee, Tom. For primary melee getting swallowed, you've taken a big step today. Hat and a thorn. I had a thorn. Didn't it have to have him like three times in that one time? Like-- No, no, no.

He's supposed to be swallowed in my control very easily. It was like, OK, the worm spit you out. And it's the worm's turn, and the worm swallows you again. And it was a hat like three times. [LAUGHTER] Still not right yet. Spitting my sin for later. Yeah, we jumped forward a little bit here. Yeah, we-- Yeah, we just had a side quest, didn't we? That was-- when you were doing the diary, that was something I always thought about. It's like, I swear, there's probably shit that he's, like, so irritated we didn't, like, say it. Yeah, yeah, dude, give up the deets.

What was that quest going to be about? Uh-- Oh, that's the one you used later. Yeah, well, we got this come back in. It's fine. It's not really something-- it was just a silly in-joke for me, mostly. So Dallas Bowhunter and Terry Bowhunter are actually-- Bow Dallas, I get it. Yeah, they're lizard people. Oh, come on. And look, we have to go back. [LAUGHTER] The gems around their neck made them look and appear human when actually they were ripped to him. And he would be so excited. [LAUGHTER] That was just a joke for you, Tom, essentially. I was like, fuck, I'm so mad.

And then the fucking islanders score. This is the worst day ever. [LAUGHTER] That's fucking awesome. Fuck. We get them to be lizard Dallas Bowhunters. It's like, why did he call them Dallas? It all makes sense now. Damn. Oh, that is definitely not a joke for Rob. That was just a dumb fucking-- Fucking reptilians. They're even in D&D. You can't get them to-- [LAUGHTER] We're not safe anywhere. And yeah, they were definitely eating people. Oh, yeah, I figured that. That was kind of on the nose. That was right there on the face of it. Why are we so far out the net, Bowkun?

You fuck. What's happening to your hockey? The islanders just took the lead. OK. Is this playoff type thing? It's just the playoffs. If we win tonight, we advance to the next round. I love that we when people talk about their sports teams. Hey, man, if I didn't watch, they'd be way farther ahead than one goal. [LAUGHTER] I see us alone with people, yeah, man, we really played a good game out there. Did we? I sure did. [LAUGHTER] Pretty sure my name made the roster. Moral support. Moral support. It's posted in the locker room. Tom's watching tonight, so. Win one for the keeper.

Wow, do they have double the shots on goal media? It's lame. Get together. Nervous. How much time is left? I'll tell you when they put the clock back on the screen. One second. Keep showing their vulture head coach. He has a haircut that makes him look like a buzzard. All right, I'm back. How about we get the fucking puck out of our zone, guys? That'd be nice. Hold on, they still haven't showed the fucking-- 16 minutes. Somebody watching hockey? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Islanders are putting up a fight. I don't even know what that means. Means the Islanders are putting up a fight. [LAUGHTER] I talk about the NBA playoffs, but I know no one cares.

Somebody's setting off fireworks to my neighborhood, and I'm pretty sure it's not a holiday. I like all sports except hockey and basketball. You don't get fireworks for Mother's Day Eve? Yeah. Hey, Mom, I got you some bottle rockets. I love you. Well, thank you, son. [MAKES SOUND] [LAUGHTER] That's priceless. That's priceless. And then we were fighting Drauk. Later that day. Oh, this is-- If a worm was hard enough, Drauk's going to be a bitch. Now, is Drauk a dragon? Like, what is Drauk? Drauk's a ghost of a great warrior. Great warrior, OK. Human or what? Human.

Think Conan the Barbarian. Gotcha. But a zombie. What was your zombie? This is assuming a lot. Like, we don't know that we're going to have to fight Drauk yet, do we? No, I never said that. Yeah. I usually just let you guys assume and kind of ride that out. Just let it cook over. Yeah, just let you-- Some people need to use some healing surges. Do you guys want to set up camp here or-- Yeah, let's set up. Get some rest? Yeah. I am going to sit on top of these rocks away from the ground. Wait, what was that moving? Tremors? Yeah, because fuck that noise. That was a tagline to tremors.

That's a tree, not a whole tree. Because fuck that noise. Tremors, yeah, because fuck that noise. That looks like a hole. That's a tree, right? It doesn't matter, guys. It's OK. It's a hole, dude. Don't trust you, dungeon master. Yeah. What kind of tree is that? Looks like a mouth. There's teeth there. That's bad. I do concur with the rock situation. There's just enough rocks. Come on, guys. Don't be scared. Don't be scared. So you guys break out the tent again and make camp for the evening, deciding the entire day is a wash. Just let's-- at this point, by the way, you are all huddling together to keep warm.

Your food rations are getting low. There are parts of the worm that are edible. Ooh. If you guys want to break off some worm and maybe cook it-- Oh, yeah, definitely. --you can definitely do that. It becomes difficult to make a fire, because the wind's so damn gusty. So-- Do we need to do a culinary check? Cage opponents. Yeah. Make us a fire. I know what you're thinking. Let's do it. Hey, why don't we all just gather around like penguins around the fire? Put rocks right on top of it like they did in The Walking Dead. So covers. I have an important question. Who's our cook?

That's an important question. The n-word, of course. Duh. What do you think? Of course. Yeah, the cooking school he learned in the catacombs. Right. I was going to say, if you want to make a Futurama joke, Ironhide could be your cook. Yeah. That's totally up to you. I think cooking stuff is generally under survival. Nice. Wait, no. Survival's not in this one. I'm sorry. I'm thinking of Pathfinder. I was about to say, that is not a stat. Yeah. Probably nature then. That's if I had to guess. Like-- I mean, yeah. It's kind of a tough one to-- like, what would that be under, really?

Athletic. Maybe they didn't put it in the game because it doesn't really matter. It doesn't really matter. It's just for our edification, I guess. Healed, maybe? Reading something acidic, though, and poisonous. It does matter. Well, I mean, the innards of him, yes, absolutely acidic. But he's got a nice, thick husk. How about dealing for a terrible cook, you have to have good endurance? I mean, it could affect your fortitude and stuff, too. We could definitely-- How about insight? That could be it. No, it couldn't. Not sure of the conversation with your food.

No, it could not, actually. I disagree, sir. So this is the worst meal you guys have ever had. Man's bugs. It's totally-- it's not tasty, but it will spend all the starvation. You know what's really gross? This is the second time I've tasted this. You've been? Yeah. [LAUGHTER] At least this time it's cooked. And after you guys-- the next day, you break camp and continue heading north. After two more days of travel, you reach a sheer ice wall. And according to the book, at the top of this wall, it kind of levels out, and the tomb should be up there. Oh, shit.

Is there a way around this wall? How tall is it? We're talking hundreds of feet. OK, is there a way around it? There is a way around it, actually, yes. But that'll add two days to travel. Now, wait. What would be-- because the tomb's on top. So what-- if we go around it, what do we do? There's a path that leads steadily up after you move around it. There is a path that leads steadily up, or is close to what would be considered a path up here. Each way has its own dangers to it. But I mean, it's mainly about days travel. I mean, it's up to you guys what you'd like to do.

So I guess you would say that this area that we're-- this zone that we're going to is fraught with danger. I'm thinking if it's a big wall, I've got a plus eight to athletics, and we got a bunch of rope. Well, sir, you can turn into a bat. So it's no problem for you. Oh, yeah. Then there's that. Oh, and then there's fuck you guys. Can he? Can he turn into a bat? He absolutely can turn into a bat. I'm going to stereotype. I'm going to drink some blood and also turn into a bat. Given I'm not a D&D expert, but if I remember correctly, I believe breaking up the party would be the best thing to do in this situation, right?

Absolutely. Always split the party. Split it right in half. Three of us go up, three of us go around. Well, I'm going to charge through it and see where that gets me. Well, I say we take the path because there's two people in this group that are very heavy. Yeah, I'm 500 pounds. I'm going to pull that wall down. What am I, six? 625. I'm pretty big. I've been eating a lot. So we're going to take the path, you guys. Split up it is. Because you guys are fat asses. Bitch, we breathe a muscle. You miss with your vampire slam. Last time I checked, you weren't the one who killed the thing.

I even hit him, so. Well, neither did you. Joke that I missed. You didn't even get near him, did you? You kind of-- I charged him and said, hey. Yeah. He didn't touch me. I don't have to use a healing surge at all. What happened? You guys elect to take the path. So we're not splitting. Is that what's happening? No split? We don't split up. He wasn't here for the previous jokes. I apologize. I forgot. Oh, yes. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. No, it's OK. He could split up if he wants. He's his own woman, man. Yeah, see, if you want to go, man. Yeah, you and fucking Thor can fly. We could just wait for them.

And they get scanged, locked up there. Just stand there, make camp, and wait. Archer solves J'rok's tomb by the time we get up there. Because we got all the treasures. Now, this added two days to your trek. Justin, are you OK? Yeah. OK, I'm hearing shifting or something, someone touching their mic. No, no, no, no. I'll just be-- sorry. Oh, it's OK. So this did add two days to your trek. So at this point, you've been out for almost two weeks. And again, rations are becoming-- you're eating leaner, which is much more dangerous because you burn way more calories just trying to keep warm.

Whenever you guys break, you're huddled together. Surprisingly, on your way up the path, you don't run into anything dangerous. You don't run into anything trying to kill you beyond the elements. You do notice this just torrential thunderstorm. Now, since you've started and you went further and further north, it's been snow and blizzard-like conditions and ice and sleet. This is the first time you've encountered just raw thunder. Just picture the worst thunderstorm you've ever heard, and it's just constant. And since you reach the base of that ice wall, that's what you've been hearing.

In the two days that you've been traveling up that mountain, it hasn't dissipated at all. [GROWLING] So that's been a constant. And when you reach the top of this mountain, you come to a crevice. And let me load up the next map. There is a huge crevice that divides you from the opposite side. Oh, great. And spanning the crevice is this huge sheet of ice that forms a bridge. Wow, think of the ice. It's tremendous. It's definitely traversable. This is just-- this looks-- you're not sure if this is something that was made by man, something that someone had a part in, like whether this was done by magic or just sheer luck of the draw from the elements.

But it's never warm enough to melt, and it pretty much is added to by precipitation and-- but yeah, this constant thunderstorm that's going on. By the way, it's not raining. It's just the thunder and lightning. [GROWLING] Well, that's good. It's not good. Because that thunder can hit something right next to us and break ice. True, but if it was raining this cold, we'd be in trouble. Probably be snowing. Wait, is there lightning? Yes. Yes. All right, so where is the ice bridge thing? So if you guys want to put your characters right about here in front of the ice bridge.

I see it now. OK, let's-- Yeah. OK. It is up to you guys what you would like to do. At this point, you are dangerously low on food rations. You haven't encountered a living thing out on the road in days since the worm. And that, while filling, was just terrible. It's given you a lot of intestinal distress. Damn it, Yammerd. It did not want to be eaten. So are you saying that there's really no danger in going over this bridge? Oh, there's absolutely danger. It will not fall through. Though I probably wouldn't take too many people out on it at the same time. Now, what it is is this vast expanse down.

So this is a sheer drop off. OK, I have a question. Good. How much weight can fit on Draconis's disk thing? That depends on how high is our Canada check roll that he does. There's a check-- I got a plus 12 on that. Yeah, so that's-- let me check his power, actually. What's it called? I think Yanward and I are not getting through with that disk. Probably not. I thought we checked it last time, and it was like 300 or something like that. Yeah. No, no, no. You can carry up to-- let me check it again. There are some caveats with it. He has to be within five feet of it.

Ah, yeah, that's true. He-- I think it only lasts about 10 minutes, something like that. Now, it's not just the fact that this ice is incredibly slippery and it's the constant wind gusts. Because you guys are at the top of a mountain. So not only will you have to deal with just a slippery surface, but it's-- I won't. OK. This might be where our rope comes in handy. Thorol can fly across at the bat, right? Yep. Why don't we get him across? Why don't we thread our rope together to make it suit really strong, toss the end of the rope over to him on the other side so that we at least have something to balance us as we go across?

Maybe tie the other into a-- are there any kind of rocks or anything that we could secure it with on the other side? Those of us who have boots of equilibrium should take the lead, probably. Yeah. Well, I think Thorol should go first, because he can fly over it and not-- I'm talking about those of us who are walking and can't turn into bats. Yeah. Yes. Who bought the boots of equilibrium real quick? I did. OK. Me too. Ironhide did. Yenward did. Anyone else? I don't think so. Sucker. I don't think you did, Rob. OK. I don't think I had enough, so. I could have swore three people bought them, but I'll check it out real quick.

I don't think I ever saw him away. I was in here for that. Who has good endurance? Let me check that there. I have plus four. I think it's me and-- yeah. Yeah, don't even. I have plus 11. I think bring that to the table. Um. Arcane. Where? Where? Endurance. OK, plus 11. So it's going to be me and him hauling people over with rope, in case the worst happens. With their awesome boots. With their Nikes. You guys really should have bought some of these boots. If this was a commercial right now, you guys would be the uncool kids. What they do is they can walk on slippery surfaces, just as if it were regular.

We didn't have the opportunity to buy those. Spin the side up. Sorry. OK. This was-- god, this was a few sessions back. A couple of sessions back when you guys got back to Winterhaven. I asked everyone specifically if you'd like to buy those boots. Are you sure you didn't-- everybody, you can check to see if you're wearing them. I just checked and you guys-- Hugh and Ironhide are the only ones wearing them. Well, we seem to have some foresight. What do you-- so the equipment you guys have, you guys have climbing picks. And you guys have rope. So you just crawl around on the ground.

It doesn't appear as though there are too many rocks or something you can tie that to. But what you could do is kind of take a stake and hammer the rope into the ground. OK. All right. So when we do this, what we should do is tie the rope around everyone's waist, which is like a line. So if the bridge falls, we're all on rope. And we should tie it to the other side. Right. Yeah, so we'll let Thoril fly over, toss him a pick and the rope, let him nail it down over there, tie it to all of us. We'll have Ironhide and Yinward lead, and the rest of us kind of follow behind, I guess.

One at a time. Interesting. Yeah, one at a time. Yeah, one at a time. The bridge is 60 feet across. OK. Shit. It looks like that on the diagram, though, Jason. It absolutely looks like that on the diagram. No, it doesn't. It looks like it's maybe six inches, give or take. How much rope do we have? I think I can jump that. You guys are each carrying, I believe, 75 feet of rope. OK. Over here. In case you can jump anything. So yeah, we can even tie that shit together. And how far can Thoril fly? Let's see here. Bat Thoril, what can Bat Thoril do here? [HUMMING] Bat Thoril, I believe he can shape shift into a bat for 10 minutes.

Just long enough to tie rope. He doesn't need to tie rope with bats. Yeah, he's not going to make it too far. Yeah, OK. So let's see here. I want to make absolutely sure that that is. Let me see here. OK, it says right here, you cannot attack-- you cannot make attacks or hold or carry any objects. Yeah, for or after that. Polymorph, you assume the form of a tiny bat. While you're in this form, you have a speed of two and a flight speed of eight. You cannot-- yeah, you cannot make attacks or carry it. And your equipment becomes part of this form. All right, so he can fly over with some rope.

Yeah, well, the equipment's part of the form, so he will have rope and the stakes with him. Yeah, but now he's making his way back. Why does he have to come back? To nail down the rope. He's doing that on the other side. And then he's throwing the other end to us. Yeah, and then he's throwing the other end to us. 60 feet in giant winds? He's got a good fucking arm. Yeah, but at least the power form will have to take somebody and just wing him right off this bridge. 60 feet's pretty long. If the rope misses, it's staked down on the other side, and you'll just pull it back up and try again.

Yeah, we have unlimited tries with that. He won't lose the rope. Maybe. DM, do we have unlimited tries with trying to throw the rope across the bridge? I'm not going to tell you what's unlimited or not until you guys get started. We'll talk. I mean, that absolutely makes sense, though. I'll say that. What? That if it's staked down and it falls down-- let's say it doesn't make it across the bridge and it falls down, you could definitely pull it up from that one side. Yes. Yeah. Right, Charles. Sorry to grab it. Now, the only question is, is the wind strong enough to blow a bat?

Ooh. Yeah. Would you guys like to try this? Oh. He's a little tiny bat. If the wind's strong enough to blow us-- Oh, shit. Here's something. Here's something. Draconis, if he uses that flying disk, he'll probably be whisked right off of it. That's true. Why don't we just walk over, holding hands, like best friends ever, and nail this shit down? Well, OK, then I think our best case, at this point now, would be sending somebody with the boots over there first to get the rope set up. And then we can-- It's exactly like that. Well, you said, let's all go over there holding hands.

That's not the exact same thing. Not it. Iron hut? Yeah. I'll go. All right. Let's do this. Oh, my god. Yeah, the heavier ones are going to walk across the ice bridge. Actually, being heavier in this instance would help him. Oh, you're right, because the bridge would collapse. OK. Yeah, they're all fucked. You're going to have to go home. Yeah, this bridge is several feet thick. OK, good. That's what I was worried about, the bridge collapsing while we're walking across. Right, this is thick. I mean, this has been here for a long, long time. Every few feet, are we going to nail it down?

Or is it like-- We're just going to nail it down? --the other side and nail it on the other side of the expanse. Yeah. All right. So Ironhide's going to make his way across, correct? Yep. All right. When you get out to the pinnacle, right here. I have been talking, and I was on mute. Well, sir. Because there was a train that showed up, and I was sitting there asking you. I didn't want the train to end up in the-- So the rope is getting staked in one end, and then you get staked in the other end, and then we just use the rope to go across. Yeah. OK. So-- So we staked the rope down on this side, and now-- No, no, no.

This side's just loose. Why? So you can tie it to people and bring the rope with us. Oh, OK. Yeah, that works better. That way. OK. That works better. Yeah. Because that means if they fall, then-- OK. You're on the rope. Right. So when Ironhide reaches the pinnacle of this bridge, the very center of it, there is this just tremendous whipping wind. And if not for your weight, and the fact that you're wearing those boots of equilibrium, it would whip you-- you get the feeling it would just whip you clean off this bridge. So he probably saved my life by the fact that he decided to go.

Yeah, the tiny bat thing probably would not work out pretty well for you. Now we're in terrible sight. He's like, he's there, he's there, he's there. He's gone. Squeak, squeak. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just gone. Just-- Gets jettisoned overdo. Uh-- So what is-- And you are-- you're kind of tacking the rope down on that one side. Oh, fuck, I made it? Yes. Wow, we made it, guys. Yes. You are at the entrance to what looks to be a small cave. But you-- just looking into it, you can see light on the other side of it. I am fucking-- I was nervous as hell. I'm sorry, but one of you, I think, are going to go.

I hate to say it, but I think one of you guys are just going to-- Well, toss the rope over, and let's try to not have that happen. So here's an idea. I have boots of equilibrium, and I'm like the size of a house. So I could probably carry a few people. No. Can you? What if we put you as a windbreaker? Do we know-- Do we skin him and use him as a windbreaker? That's great. I don't mean like that. Well, look, if we have him go to the other side next, using the rope, and then throw the rope back over to the other side, that means that we have not only the stake, but we have our two biggest people that have boots of equilibrium on the other side to hold the rope just in case one of us falls.

So that seems like our best chance. I like it. Or I could carry everyone one at a time. Or both of us could do it, because we both have boots, and we're both giants. I'm not a giant, though. I'm just really heavy. Oh, well, I'm giant. I'm medium sized. You are giant. You're a big minotaur. It could be like old time's sake, like you and the healer. Yeah. The healer. Yeah, that's how you roll in town. Rob, where are you? I'm here. I'm just-- I'm not totally sure about the order or if there's anything relevant I have to add other than getting across with someone. You just want to find somebody?

Got your back. Exactly. Rob, do you think we should play piggyback on Yinward or-- I think the windbreak idea is reasonable. OK, so here's my idea. You tie the rope around my waist, and then leave some slack. And then all of you hold onto the rope, and I'll lead ahead of you. You understand, if you go, they're all dead. Yeah. I'm not going to be able to hold-- I am not John Cena. I cannot hold that rope. Then it's just Jarek just standing there, like, and getting flashbacks of the Duncan thing. Yeah, I know. That's why I'm trying to kind of-- that's why, like I said, I think getting him to the other side, having our two strongest guys over there holding the rope, if we fall, they can pull us up.

Exactly. Like-- OK, all right. Then I guess I'll walk over then. Toss that rope so I can tie it to my waist just in case. Yeah, toss that rope. Just to make a strength check. Why the fuck didn't I tie it down here so you guys can just-- You did tie it down. I don't want to make a strength check. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I thought he was leaving-- wait, was he leaving rope with you and then walking across the other end of it? Yeah, that's what I did. So then why is he tossing rope to you? No, because-- wait, I thought he was taking the rope with him on the other side, tying it down onto a stake on the other side and tossing it back to us.

Right, but why not just leave the other-- Yeah, we did that other thing that was more sensible. [LAUGHTER] But you hope rope and we walk. Right. [LAUGHTER] That's not because we wanted teensy tiny bat to fly over there. No, it was-- the reason that we didn't tie it down on both ends was because we thought it was safer to have it actually tied to our persons. You're not listening. OK, no, OK, I'm sorry. The bat plan was for when Thoril couldn't carry anything, but the rope was part of his bat form. So he would get to the other side, then throw it across.

There's no reason to do that when Ironhide walked across. He could leave a section of rope with you and then just let it unspool behind him. All right, that's what happened. And then tack it down. I don't even know why I'm arguing for you guys. Like, you know, but-- Yeah, that's why we did that. Can I throw my end of the rope to you guys? OK, guys, I'm ready to-- Time to throw it back around. OK, so that happened. So you have now staked it into the ground. So you've got these, like, six inch-- no, six inch. These, like, eight, nine inch climbing stakes that get hammered in.

It's mostly for people climbing sheer walls, things like that. And then you anchor your rope to it in case your footing loosens or a chunk of rock goes out beneath you, and then you're hanging by that rope. So what that does is it'll definitely help if someone goes down, but it's not completely failsafe. If enough pressure and weight's put on it, it'll be ripped out of the ground. Now, if we have ironhide hold part of it too, will that make it stronger? What that'll do is the stake will be, like, a plus five to a strength check he'll make. OK, that's-- I mean, that sounds better than-- yeah.

Right, yeah, that's insurance. Do we both combine our strength checks once I get over there? One of you will be making a strength check, and the other one can roll to help. OK. Yeah. So I'm going to mosey on over. OK. It's the same thing as ironhide. You reach the apex of the bridge, and your fur is just whipping. It's just like being stuck in a wind tunnel. My fur back and forth. This intense cold. And then you reach the other side with ironhide. High five. So there is now-- there is rope spanning this bridge, and the rope is just fluttering constantly. So it's-- you're holding onto both ends of the rope just to kind of-- it's like an out of fucking-- an out of sorts game of double dutch, where it's just constantly whipping around out in the center.

So what do you think, guys? It looks like the next heaviest is Draconis. Do you want to send him next, or do you want to go for the lightest at this point? Either way we do it, I want Yennwurr to-- Yennwurr. God damn it, I keep fucking that up. Yennwurr, he has to hold the rope because he has a 21 strength, which gives him a plus five. Yeah. I want him a plus two. Yeah, and then you'll help him. Yes. So that'll work. All right, what do I roll? Nothing yet. Nothing. Hopefully you won't have to roll anything. I mean, I'll go if you guys want. I have no problem going.

Yeah, I'll still have first. OK. I'm 278. So-- Yeah, that's not insanely heavy. That is no bueno. Yeah, that's less than me, actually, in real life. So that's not-- I'm even worse, man. I'm the smallest. All right, so I'm grabbing onto that rope. OK. So you're not staking it down on the other end. Yeah. No, no, no. On the Ironhide-Yenward side, it's staked down. Are you staking it down on the side where Thorold and Rottweiler are? Can we do that and then still tie it to everybody? No, just-- No, there's no room. It's not-- no. Yeah, because there's only 75 feet, and it's a 60-foot bridge, so-- Right.

We're going to have to nail it down on both sides. Well, I think tying it is the better option. OK, but if we tie them, we have to throw it across-- Right, when someone takes it, they're taking it. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably best to stake it down, yeah? And like-- But then when we fall, then we fall, and we're dead. Yeah, it's still staked on the other side with Yenward and Ironhide. Right, but how are they-- like, if I fall, how are they-- Well, you're holding onto the rope. What about if it's staked down on both sides, and then you take a small amount of rope to tie you to the rope?

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like tie it to your waist or something, and then tie a knot into the rope, and then you can just slide that knot across. Yeah, you could do that. You each have your own individual rope, sure. Good job. Gotcha. I'll get my rope back in here. That way it's staked down, and we're still tied to it. Yep. Wicked awesome. The only downside would be because it wouldn't be useful for any strength check in case we fall. But that's the best policy I think we got. I don't think we got too much of another choice. Honesty's the best policy. All right.

Yeah, let's do it. Let's do this. Are you actually rolling dice? Nope, I was playing with a pen. Oh, that's-- clickety-clack. OK, so who's making their way across now? Draconis. Draconis, OK. You ease your way out onto the bridge, and instantly your feet start to slide around. Nice. Can we throw our boots over? No, I-- sure. You want to make a check to see if you throw your boots over? Just in case you want to check. I will give you the honor, sir. Tie the boots to the rope. The rope is now-- slide it down the rope. Actually not a bad idea. No, no, no. Now, he's already on the bridge.

He's already on the bridge. That shit was sailing. Yeah, it's kind of-- It's dead to us. Yeah, lost thoughts. Now we have an idea for the next person. Take out the bridge. Your feet immediately start kind of sliding around, but you just barely hold on to your equilibrium here as you slowly slide up this rope. This is fucking intense. When you reach the apex of the bridge, dead center, the wind is just whipping at you. And I want you to make-- Don't roll anything at all. Let's see here. I feel a little bit better because I have a high athletics. I want you to make an athletics check here.

Oh, OK. That's not good. Draconis. I have three. Well, that's a d20 plus three. 23. OK, let's just do this right here and just say-- Yahtzee. Six. Fuck this Yahtzee. Your feet slide out from under you. Awesome. As-- There? Good thing dragons have wings. Exactly. Your feet slide out from under you as the wind just starts-- it's like a giant hand scooping you out from underneath your feet. I want to know a story. I don't want him to die. You instinctively reach out for this rope that you're clutching. Of course, yeah. And the slack in the center means that your body weight is carrying the rope over the bridge.

So your body is now hanging off of the bridge while the rope itself is being anchored on both sides. Nice. Oh, shit. OK, anybody want to just come fucking save me right now? So right now you are dangling over the abyss, essentially. No, Silent Bob. It worked. Yeah, I'll try to push out and help him. Oh, my god. [LAUGHTER] What do I need to roll? We have the rope. We can actually do something here. Should have just gone over the wall. Yeah, can't they pull them with the strength check and do all that that we were talking about? It's up to you how you want to do it.

Someone else can go out onto the bridge and help pull him up. So since we have two stakes now, is that two plus fives to the strength check? Hey, Jason. Yes. I've got an encounter power called Spider Scuttle that gives me a climb speed. If I make my way out there and then use Spider Scuttle, can I use that to root myself so that I don't get pulled off, bringing him back up? Yeah, you could stick to the side of the bridge. Awesome, OK. So I want to try to get out there without burning it because it only lasts-- it starts on the round I use it and runs out at the end of the round after-- the end of my next turn.

I get an action and then two actions at the next initiative. But I just want to point out, what is your strength-- For what? No, for-- inward. What's your strength inward? 20-- where's my strength? It's five. OK. But I want to make this painfully clear. If they pull the rope up on their end, that means there is no rope on the other side. Yeah, we have to unstake it. Which means someone's got to make the trek back across. I'm just throwing it out there. That's a totally viable option. Or they have to throw it, but I don't know if that's going to work. So were some boots.

No, I'm serious. Tie the boots up to it and then just-- I don't know why when I picture boots of equilibrium, I picture the water temple boots from offering of time, the clamp, clamp, clamp. I would like those. In this situation, that would be good because I see a man over the side of the bridge. I don't want to do that. So-- Yeah, that would suck, huh? Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Right now, Draconis is hanging on desperately to this rope. And now-- He's tied it to it. --you want to-- you want to make your way out there to him? Yeah. OK. So you get out to the center of the bridge.

And again, just like everyone else, it's very difficult to find your footing. And I want you to go ahead and make an athletics check, as the wind is just gusting at you. I don't like the amount of weight that's being put on this rope. It's already-- Athletics. So is there any-- is there any bonus at all? Or can I shoot off my spider scuttle if that fails? If it fails, what's happening is the wind is dragging you off of this thing. So I imagine you'd go kicking and screaming. So if you're making contact with it, yeah. I mean, you can just do your spider scuttle anyway.

OK. So you're saying if I fail the roll, I can trigger my power? Yeah. OK. You have a backup, yes. 14. That's a good roll. 14 is just shy of what I need here. Awesome. So the wind starts to sweep you off the side of it. So you're going to engage your spider scuttle. Yes. So what happens is while Wodriconus is hanging off of this bridge with the rope, you, on the side of the bridge, I picture you just kind of feet and arms spread out, just kind of-- Just your friendly neighborhood warlock. Now, how long does that power last? I'll have an action on the turn I trigger it, and then both actions on the next turn.

And then it turns off at the end of that initiative. So you're about to use your action point. Sit. So you are sticking to the side of the bridge right now. Awesome. Thoril and Roswell, who would like to-- I'll go. [LAUGHTER] I watched enough movies. I'm not going to be last. Oh, man, no. You, again, just like everyone else, you are the thinnest and kind of lighthist of the group. So the wind is really whipping at you. Your bright white locks are just fluttering everywhere, making it kind of hard to see. When you reach the apex of the bridge-- Who's making an athletics check, sir?

I got a plus 8, so I'm a bit-- 24. 24. Even though the wind is just torrential, you continue to find your footing. You feel sturdy. Hey, guys, it's Jon. It's the rest of the way. Does it backflip and he dodges the wind? I imagine I'm walking by them as they're hanging off, and it's like, yes, I see you. I picture the old mind stuff of walking in the wind, past them, holding your invisible hat on. Do you want to stop and help them in any way, or do you want to just keep moving? You better lend a hand. Oh, what's my strength? Don't tell me you're going to pass the two teammates sitting right here dangling off the side of a bridge.

Your choices, basically, for this round are stop to help them, but you'll be on the bridge still, and you'll have to make another athletics check next round, or just continue across to the other side. Why don't we figure out what Malchus has planned here before we-- Yes, that's totally-- yes. Well, what kind of check do you want out of me to tug Draconis back onto the bridge and on the line? It'd be strength. I mean, that's not the greatest, but I can do that. Yeah, my strength is nothing. You know what? Honestly, though, if you and I make it across the bridge, then at that point, we don't have to worry about the rope being on the other side.

So even if they mess up at that point, we still have the-- and then you and I can both help, too, trying to get them up. So that might be our best option is for you just to move ahead. Here's something. The people that haven't crossed your line all have zero in strength. All four people that haven't crossed yet have zero in strength. So we can offer any help? Well, I'm saying you're not going to get a multiplier. We're not going to be as helpful as maybe like Ironhide or-- Now, the other thing is you can roll to help. Like, if, let's say, Thor was to help Malchus, like he can roll to help Malchus.

Well, what I'm asking about is, let's say Thor's going to help and Rodswell make it across without helping right now. And then on the next move, Malchus fails, and they start falling. We don't have to worry about the rope being on the other side. Now, would we be able to help Yinward at all in pulling the rope up? Yeah. So it would be good for more people to be on that side. Though in the moment, it would seem incredibly cruel. This actually sounds like a terrible idea. But Malchus doesn't seem like he's in trouble, and I don't know what-- I don't think Thoril is equipped to really help right now.

He has no strength. At the moment, the only person in any real danger is Draconis, because he has nothing that-- Beautiful. He has nothing that's going to help him in terms-- like, if Malchus makes a strength check and it fails, Malchus is still clinging to the side of this bridge and can move. Right. But if he's not, he's going to be able to help. Right. But if we're on the other side, we're in a better position to help than we are now. That's all I'm saying. Right. I'm not arguing. I'm just letting you know what's going on. So be more soul over here is a good idea.

So that's why I'm saying that. So Thoril, do you want to stay and help or continue across? I think I'm going to continue across. All right. Well, I'm going to yell, you son of a bitch, as you walk right on by. Because Draconis knows none of this plan, and he just knows that he's dangling over a very steep cliff, and Thoril walks on by. Hang in there, Draconis. Oh my god. One down, two to go. Oh my god. Uh, Rodswell. Yeah. So cruel. And I imagine you're making your way across. I don't have much of a choice. Don't-- Oh, man. Just turn around and go back. It's not worth it.

At the apex of the bridge, the wind becomes incredibly fierce. Go ahead and make an athletics check for me. Jesus, I have a plus two on athletics. Yeah, you added two. Good luck. Just do more crunches, old man. [LAUGHTER] Fuck, 14. 14. The wind is too much for you, and you are drug over the side. Fuck, he's going to take out Malkus. Son of a bitch. You now-- two of you are dangling by this rope. Hey, we found our three and three here. That worked out perfect. Hey, inward, what about that promise you made to me, huh? Yeah. Actually, you made that promise to him.

The rope is now-- I didn't make any fucking promise, he-- [LAUGHTER] You just want to yell now. Put you in one of those moods. This is all Thoreau's fault. You're projecting your anger on me, and I know you don't mean it. It's OK. [LAUGHTER] It's a very tense time right now. Just having flashbacks, OK? I was about to say-- Technically, we don't have our three and three, because Malkus is not in any real danger. He's higher than him. Yeah, this is more sympathy than anything. He's just kind of hanging on. I mean, if worse comes to worse, he could just scuttle right across.

Like, this isn't-- He's here for moral support. So Malkus and Rodswell didn't tie ropes around them. Rodswell, the only person left to hold the rope was Rodswell. So this is-- like, the rope at this point is an anchor that is-- Only helping one of three people. Well, no. I mean, Draconis is-- OK, yeah, he's still dangling. Yeah, he's clinging. So I mean, it's-- yeah. Whose turn is it now? This would be your turn. You were the first to go across, so-- So I can only move out there as many spaces as I can actually move in a fight? Yes. Fuck. One, two, three, four, five, six.

So you're-- OK, you're going back out to help. Yes. Yes, I'm going back out. Well, that's going to take-- OK. What? You want me to leave you? No, I'm saying the strength check, if he was going to pull us up, you would have been-- Yeah, he's-- I'm over 600 pounds, and I have the boots of awesomeness. Right, but your strength isn't incredible, you'll still be stuck out on the bridge. It doesn't matter, you can try. And you get a plus five to your strength check, because the stake on the other side. But he's not on the other side with the stake. He's just going to reach down with his hand and try to pick us up, like that's-- I'm not going to reach down with my hand.

What are you going to reach down with? Can you use lightning lure? Oh my god. What? Great client blade, scrap it out of its U-guys. So wait a second. Lightning lure. This is interesting, hold on, I'll look into this. Hold on a second. Oh my god. The lightning damage is not the worst thing that's happened to us. I'll let you do that. Who are you targeting? I'll let you do this, but they have to take the damage too. Yes, yes. Who are you luring? Uh, Roswell. What? 'Cause fuck that dragon. I'm attacking the dragon, you have help by a Spider-Man! Fuck that cokehead. So you are-- Okay, go ahead, D20+8, you're attacking Roswell, technically.

Wow. I kind of hope this hits and I kind of hope it fails. Twelve. That'll miss. So now you are standing in the middle of this bridge, wind whipping about you while three of your friends are dangling precariously-- Well, except for Malgus, he's just kind of hanging out. You can't help, and you can't help you inward now, right? Right. I have an action point! Yeah, use it and go back! [laughter] I don't know. Actually, I also could have used Echoes of Sword magic, but that doesn't help anybody. So that has like a fiery burst that just shoots out. So are you moving back or are you going to try another attack? [laughter] It's not enough that we're hanging off the edge, you're going to fucking attack us while we're down here?

I risked a little bit too much by going out there, so I'm just going to move back. Okay. And that never happened. You spent your action point. I go out there, I tag a friend, and run back. [laughter] I can only imagine, it's like-- Like he's like throwing the whip, and it's like, "What the hell are you doing? Helping!" The wind just takes it and it goes back the other way. It's like, "Oh, never mind! What the hell?" I'm trusting both of you out now. Uh, Yenward. I imagine the plan is to start pulling on this rope as hard as you can. Yes, is there a way I can anchor myself to something in case this is really heavy?

It is staked to the ground. So the rope is not tied around you unless you want it tied around you. No, no. Okay, so that's going to be a plus five to your Strength check. So you're going to roll a d20 plus ten so far. So Thoril and Ironhide are going to help, right? Am I? Roll a d20 and we'll find out. I thought I was spent. Plus two because of my Strength. And Thoril, roll a d20. Okay, so you're both going to help, so that's a plus-- Okay, this is a d20 plus 14. Nice. How do you figure? So that's really, it should be I guess 30? Or 32 for Tom? No. Oh! I'm sorry, yes.

Sorry, I didn't see he rolled. Uh, yeah, that is enough to pull anyone who's attached to this rope to start reeling them in. So Malkus, I guess you can just kind of scuttle back across on your turn? Uh, well I want to scuttle to the far side, I want to go to the party. Well yeah, no, I didn't mean scuttle back. You said the word "back" and I got confused. I'm sorry, yes, I'm sorry, yes. That's the word with the words. Wouldn't that be hilarious though, if you did that? What am I doing over here? Okay guys, I'm going to make my way across. I suppose you someone would go home. [laughter] So, uh, Yenward just starts pulling with all his might, and slowly but surely he drags Rodswell and Draconis up onto the bridge and across.

And everyone is kind of exhausted and laying on the other side now. I want to walk up and smack Thor across his damn head. [laughter] You did what you could, man. It's all about survival. He saved you, he saved you in the long run. In the long run? I helped. And I helped. Yes, yes, Yenward, yes. Draconis thanks Yenward, yes. Thor will hopefully up to you, buddy. Call now. Hug it out, hug it out. Come on, hug it out. I tried to let you cute a good friend. Yeah, and I respect you for that. I would have done the same in your situation. I imagine he dodged. It would have hit, but he dodged.

Like, what the fuck? [laughter] No, because that would have been my reflex, if it was versus reflex. This was versus AC, so it just wasn't strong enough. Yeah, he's not really in a position to dodge much while he's... [laughter] ... kicking back and forth. Uh, so, that was harrowing. Um... I was sure somebody was going to bite him. Uh, behind you is the entrance to what looks to be a very small cave. Um, almost a cavernous atrium, where just on the other side you can see light. [whoops] Sorry. I'll unmute myself so I can celebrate the penguin's advance.

Think of the Stanley Cup playoffs. I'll be right back. Okay. Is there a neon sign that says "Drock's Tomb" or anything around here? No, no, nothing... ... the day before neon signs. I think we'll give Tom a couple of seconds. I thought he was just real excited about seeing the other side of the tunnel. Like, "Woo! Light!" Wow, you got really excited about this. I love light. Well, that was, uh, intense. Okay. That was heavy. You're right there, Tom. You're good. I'm so happy. Congratulations, man. What do they got, like, ten more games to win or something? How many?

It's best of seven? Yeah, it's best of seven. We just won this best of seven, so we move on to the next team. Oh, cool. I love it when sports fans say, "We just won this." I said that earlier. I'm on the roster for moral support, thank you. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. It's Tom, so I'm not gonna be a dick and fucking, like... That's the only word. Yeah. I'm sorry, too. It's a mental hockey team that advanced. [laughs] Uh... That's how minotaurs do. It's ironic, 'cause they're minotaurs, but they chose the penguins as their mascot. That's for camouflage. Yeah. What would you guys like to do here?

I guess go through the tunnel? Yeah, let's go. Let's roll in. Is there an option besides going in that scary game? You go back. Going back the way you came. Okay, let's go. The rub's set up and everything. Is this a good stopping point, or should we wait later for a good stopping point? Um... It's totally up to you guys. I don't know what's going on. I don't necessarily want to stop. I'm just saying, like, if this... Is this Drach's tomb? Do we know? Can we check? Is there any way we can check? There's no signs. There's a few off-ramps here we can take whenever you want.

There's a couple of good stopping points. I just thought it'd be a good entrance to another episode if it's like, "And we entered the tomb." Right, no. I mean, yeah. I don't know how we're going to divide this up. We'll figure it out. Okay. Then let's go. Going through this small cave, just on the opposite side... Let me load up this... There we go. So, on the opposite side it opens up and you can see light and fine stone architecture just on the other side of it. So this place is pretty remote and hidden. Like, I mean, you wouldn't just stumble upon this place.

You'd have to know where you're going and know what lies ahead, that kind of thing. On the far end, after you exit the cave, you see a set of very large stone doors and they're kind of coated in ice. Not thoroughly, but this is obviously the elements. They didn't come with the ice, but the elements have kind of just taken their toll on the outside of this place. It's a fireball at home. Sounds pretty good. Yeah, I should remark that the door isn't necessarily frozen shut, but it's definitely frozen over. Like, everything's got a nice, thick coating of ice on it.

Okay, so we have all of our dailies back and stuff like that. We're all pretty well rested, so I guess we just started advancing. Except for the action point that you spent. Hey, how about somebody with the engineering check to make sure we're not walking into the trap? I was going to say that before I was so rudely interrupted with battle points. Oh, I'm sorry. Not you. Oh, okay. No, I have a +8 Dungeoneering. I don't know if that's... Better than mine. Just weird because I'm a minotaur and I live in mades of some shit. That's true, actually. You play hot. That's right.

Does anybody have better than 8? No, I got 3. This used to be my shit, but not anymore. Alcus? No, not better than 8. Nope. You're better. Okay. 14. You don't perceive there to be any traps within your field of vision. Can I do a history check? Sure. Alright. I got a 14. You got a 14, I got a 13. You go first. You do. Alright. You're the one. I have a 3. Okay, you're after him. Okay. Alright, history. Bam. 22. Judging by the book, which obviously... I mean, there's nothing else around here. This is obviously Drax's tomb. And this was constructed just piecing together everything from the book and the legends of him.

This is over 300 years old. This place has not seen another living soul, it looks like, in quite a while. It doesn't look like anything's been disturbed. It all looks pristine. Whatever the elements have done to the outside of it has just been that. This place has been sealed shut for a long time, it appears. Would an arcane check help? Or did we already learn everything we need to know? Well, some of you can do a perception check. I perceive that's a good idea. I have passive perception of 18. You keep bringing that up. I've got insight of 18. Sorry. No, I'm just looking around here.

Just trying to attack you now? Yeah. If I had giant perception, I'd whip it out a lot too. No, that's not giant. I just don't know if that's enough to give us anything or if I should roll. Rodswell notices that there is, on these huge set of double doors, these huge stone doors, while most of it is frozen over, there doesn't appear to be any handles or doorknobs or locking mechanisms. There does appear to be a small hexagonal hole. We need to backtrack and find that king from that worm. Joking. I think your brothers have it. This lizard's probably on him.

I say we look around. Or just fire them. That'd be a good idea. Okay, we look. We look. We have arrived. We have arrived. Let's search. Someone else, roller perception. What are you trying to perceive here? You're just looking around the general area? I guess we're looking for something in the shape of a hexagon. Don't we have the key to Drax soon? It came with the book. I did hear it was in the book. I heard the key's in the book. No, I thought the key was for the book. The key is a hexagonal shaped... Oh, okay. There we go. I was going to say, I thought we had a key and a book.

I saved the day again. Well, we have to take the ice off the door before we can use the key. Dragon? The hole itself isn't covered in ice. It's just mostly locked in the door. I'm going to shove this in that hole there. Good job, Yanward, for being racist. Wait, what? He called it a dragon? Oh. Upon placing the key into the hexagonal shaped hole, the same effect that the book had, where it almost appeared as if a flower closing its petals closes around the lock and the key itself and begins to turn counterclockwise. You hear what appears to be this huge bolt sliding off from the other side of it.

The ice starts to crack on the outside of the door and huge chunks begin to fall off at your feet as the doors, these massive stone doors start swinging open out towards you. Alrighty. A huge gust of warm air hits you. Holy shit. Yes. As soon as these doors open, which strikes you as kind of odd considering that anyone in this place should be dead. Not only is this designed as a tomb, but it's also been here for a few centuries or more and it's kind of surprising that you would find any warmth or light or anything and you're finding both. As the doors part, you're noticing that there are multiple light sources in this room, the opening, and obviously warm air is coming out of it.

So what would you guys like to do? I guess going in, right? Shouldn't we do some kind of Dungeoneering check on the door just to make sure we don't walk in like acid spits out at us? That wouldn't be cool. Can we do another Dungeoneering check? Sure. Okay. On the door itself? I guess so. What about beyond the door? Well, be specific. Oh, all of it. That's the opposite of specific. Congratulations. Peeking in, like when the door opens, just peeking in and saying, "Okay, I'm Dungeoneering this." Right, but I mean like the door jamb, the floor on the opposite side, the roof, what are you looking at?

Okay, the floor of the roof. Dance pick. I'd give them that. I will look at the floor just past the door. I still have -- I mean, yeah, okay. So let's hope this works out better than it did last time. 28. You don't perceive there to be anything out of the ordinary, any traps, just a floor. Okay. Now should I do the roof? The 800 fucking bloodworm nest that's on the roof? Do it. 23 for the roof. You also do not perceive there to be any traps or anything strange or out of the ordinary on the roof. Okay, now unless you guys want me to do the door too, I think we can go through.

Do the door first. Do the door? Okay. That's where we find all the traps. 18 for the door. You check the door jamb thoroughly and the doorway itself. And again, you don't find anything out of the ordinary. Okay. This is too easy. Something's up. I like how it keeps dropping by five. You only do it again just to see if it gets 13 just for fun. Hey, go ahead. It did drop though. Kind of. Size week. Okay, well, I guess let's go through. Whew. And we made it. Passing forth to the other side. Gave up in a Zelda room. You end up in a large kind of a hall. The front end of it is filled with statues, all of which have names on them.

They appear to be written in a language that you're not familiar with. The back portion of the room. Has this funneling half circle. There is a statue in the back of it made of ice. With a, with some sort of magical glyph on the floor in front of it. And then there are multiple light sources and a couple of. Fire braziers. Next to the next to the circle. Do you want to do an arcana check on the. I got 13. 16. There you go. I don't know anything. So we just roll. Okay, nevermind. Arcane. Um, the only magical energy you're sensing in the room is the glyph. Within that half circle.

And while you don't know exactly what it does. You have a hunch that. One of the four elements would have an effect on it. Interesting. I have no grasp of any elements. I'm going to stand back. I have fire. Yes. And I was supposed to be. I have radiant, but I mean, that's. You're probably better than I am. Should we throw ourselves in this room? Right here. One second. I have fire lightning. Corrosive, which is acid. Ice. I think I said ice. No, I didn't. I have four. How do we find this out? Through an arcana check. Oh. Or are you saying, wait, are you saying like, which energy is it?

So that you just look at your moves to see what you can. Yeah. Cast if that's what you're asking. Yeah. So the thing behind him is made of ice. So I'm going to guess fire. I don't know if we should melt that. No, I think what they're saying is cast fire at the cliff. Right? That's yeah. But that's what I'm saying though. This whole adventure is about ice. So I'm assuming fire would be the. How about we do. How about we do an insight check on what's inside. That's for conversations. Huh? That's for conversations. Oh, it is. Yeah. Perceptions for eyeball and stuff. Oh, I thought you said the block of ices for conversations.

Like it's a conversation starter. Yes. It's a conversational piece. Yeah. It's for parties. I'm pretty much. You just said. When drop would host parties, he was like, how about the statue? It's pretty nice. Got good taste. So what would you guys like to do here? I mean, I can shoot a. I can do a fire burst if you guys want. Well, let's do, let's try to figure this out more. Maybe a perception check. Okay. Well, who's doing a perception check? Yeah. Somebody else besides me. I am bad at them, but I can try one. No, I didn't do it. I just didn't want to say that I have a passive perception of 18 again.

Oh man. I was waiting for it. Okay. 19. So Malchus eyeballs the room here and notices that there are no other doorways. And there doesn't appear to be any way in or out of this room other than the door that they just walk through. In fact, the only things of interest appear to be the statues in front of them. The glyph, the statue, the large statue behind that made of solid ice. Uh, the illuminated half circle and the fire braziers. I don't feel comfortable leaving this doorway. What about those stones? Are they like grave stones or? Uh, the statues in the front here.

Yeah. Uh, those appear to be, uh, statues of, uh, perhaps important people in Drax army or, uh, warriors. You said they're name plates, right? Can we read those and do they have any meaning to us? Uh, they appear to be in a language you don't understand, but they, they, uh, they appear to be just name plates, just, uh, each one of the people's names that those statues represent. I know how it feels to be young. We're now. Okay. Well, we can't do much more with Arcana. Um, we've done a perception check. We've done the engineering. I don't think anything else is going to help, but I don't think religion or anything is going to help us at this point.

Where I did history and stuff, right? We didn't do history. Well, that's when I got 14 in. Go for it. Do it. All right. And boom. 33. That's a history check? Yep. Okay. Yep. Uh, just like the outside, uh, the, this, this has been standing here for centuries. So whatever this room was designed to be, uh, it has not changed since, uh, since it was constructed. Uh, it doesn't appear to be lived in by anyone. It doesn't appear to be maintenance. Uh, but the, the fire braziers appear to steer. They're, they're still burning for whatever reason. That glyph support. All right.

You get, you want to ransack the joint or there's nothing to ransack yet. I mean, we got to take the braziers. Yeah. We can put out the fire. We can choose something at the glyph. We could do something with the ice. Like what do we, I'm thinking, I got a bad feeling about these statues. I'm pretty sure somewhere along the lines, these guys are going to come to life on us here. Well, we just don't touch them. That's what happens. You touch the statue and then they run around and they come after you. So, um, so what are you guys thinking then? Okay. The elements that we see before us is fire from the braziers and the, uh, the ice statue, ice statue.

And we know that the glyph will be affected by one of the four elements. The elements are water, earth, fire, earth, fire, wind. Hey, here's an idea. There are six statues and six of us. How about each of us hide behind a statue just in case something explodes? Because then one of the, one of one of the statue comes to life in front of right, you know, right in front of one of them. We're going to be fighting them anyway. So some of us aren't fighters. Wait, back up. What are the four L's? Because wind and air are the same thing. And we said that it's, it's, it's, it's, it's fire, ice, fire, acid, right?

Acid's an element. No, no fire, no fire, water, earth, wind. Earth is, is earth an element? Is that you guys ever watched captain planet? Come on. There were five and captain planet. It's not a fucking element. Earth isn't heart, heart, heart is an element. No, that is five elements. You just said, did you ever watch captain planet? And I have, I, yeah, I used to watch it. So it's earth, fire, wind, water. That's the, those are the elements and heart. Um, but there's no heart spells. So we have to stick with the four that we have spells. Um, do we want to just go, will it, I mean, Malchus, what do you think?

Any, any, any thoughts here? Any ideas? There's only one way to find out. We got to try something. I feel like in an ice environment, fire might be the answer. So that would be Draconis. Dragon. Dragon. Hey, now you say you can tell me whatever you want. Well, okay, here we go. All right. Do I need to jump up to it here? No, no, no. Just are you, so just, just let me know you're casting a fire spell and where you're casting it. Before you do that, I'm going to hide behind one of these statues. If, yeah, let me know what everyone else in the room was going to be doing.

All right. Do you guys want to get in position in case something crazy goes down? Hold on. Okay. I will be hiding behind you. You're not behind a statue. Now the arch. No, I'll stand right here. Good luck. Yeah, thanks guys. I'm dangling off the bridge now. I'm like staying in the middle of the thing. I don't want the fire spell problem. So we're casting a fire spell at what exactly? At the glyph thing right there in the middle of the circle thing, right? All right. Do I have to like say a spell or just just pick one of your spells? It's fine. Where's Malchus? Abracadabra.

Malchus is too cool for school. Oh, okay. I mean, I can, I like, I have, I have a fire encounter power too if you'd prefer that I did. If you guys are, Malchus will, Malchus will try it. I think you just said to put, put yourself. No, I think the girl is okay. We're just saying, we'll, Jason said he has to know where all of us are. So that's why I was asking. Get on the board. Oh, sorry. Malchus. It's all good. Yeah, you're fine. It's all good at the hood. I'll show solidarity. There you go. Okay. Die holding hands. So what spell would you like to use on this glyph?

I'm going to go with a fire burst because even if I miss, I still like hit it. So, okay. So yeah. So I'm going to roll here. I assume I still have to roll. You don't have to. It's fine. It's fine. Well, shit. I want to use, okay. Yeah, this is okay. So fire streaks from your hands and ignites that entire area consuming the glyph. And after, after that, there's kind of this like, okay, now what? And the ground is just torched and the fire continues to burn for a few seconds. And now things seems to happen. However, the statue behind the glyph begins to melt. And as the water trickles onto the glyph, the glyph activates.

That's where heart comes from. I knew it would work. When you combine fire and ice, apparently you get heart. So as the, as the statue begins to melt and trickle, it, it douses the flames beneath it. And the glyph glows intensely bright for a few seconds and then fades away to reveal a spiral staircase leading down. Yay. And nothing happened. Good deal. Nice. You guys are scared of these statues. You four back there. We're all hiding behind you. Okay. Well, we're done here, right? We win? We win? That was rock two, ladies and gentlemen. We beat you. Game over. I never played this shit again.

That was worth seven months of teasers, right? I mean, that was pretty good. I don't think you're ready for these staircases, dude. Thanks for listening, everybody. That's the last episode of Dungeons and Dragons. If they don't find your hand, they might as well find your hand. No, it's like that final episode of the Sopranos where it just went black. Yeah. That's, that's that bullshit storyteller that's like, what do you think happened? It's like, fuck you. No, no, no. You tell me a story. You're getting paid a lot of money for telling me a story, so why don't you fucking finish it?

What do you think happened? Who's behind the door? The lady or the tiger? Fucking yes, Rob. I, oh. Someone else had middle school too. Yeah. I had a story. I hated stories like that. That's such bullshit. Anyway, I assume you guys are descending the staircase. Yes. I don't know. I'm gonna stay behind the statue. You know what, guys? Let's go back. Let's take a vote. Who wants to go back? As soon as the staircase appears, there's this warm, musty air that kind of vents into this room. It kind of smells like a basement that's flooded. Ew. Will do. And then combine that with what you guys would identify as rotting flesh.

Fucking it. You guys are grossed out. I can't smell anything. Not Ironhide, because he can't smell. So you descend into the next portion here. Oh my. Well, that doesn't look good. Illuminati. Is this balls on fire? No, no. I thought he was just standing there with his arms around his, like, towards his back. He's like, "Yes, look at my balls. They're on fire." So, another fairly large room. You're checking it out as you descend the spiral staircase here. Another room kind of devoid of anything except a doorway all the way across the expanse. There are two large statues on opposite sides of this pedestal in the center of the room with another glowing glyph.

Worked out for me last time. And behind that is what appears to be another large fire brazier of a demon or a god you don't recognize holding a large bowl of fire, essentially. You guys go up there. I'm paying you back here. So, you want to do an Arcana check and a religion check here, I think would be? Who's got a religion? I have a plus eight, but I think... I got a plus eight, isn't that what I'm doing? I have a plus twelve. There you go. This is for what? Religion or... This is religion, yeah. Alright, and there you go. Twenty-five. Twenty-five, okay. You definitely don't recognize that figure as a god.

It may just be decorative, because it looks cool. Conversation piece? Another conversation piece. Do this also? Yeah, that's pretty nice. It's very tastefully decorated too, Joraki. I'm enjoying your stuff. I think it's tacky. He's just trying to score with a check. He's just bringing him closer to the depths of this dungeon. Look at this, right? Yeah, it's pretty cool, huh? You can look at the statues of statues. I look at him as a dude holding up the devil horns on his hands. Oh wow, yeah, you kinda... If you pan out, it does look like... yeah, okay. You guys want to do another check, or what were you doing?

You said you wanted to do an arcana check? Yeah, that's Ironhide, right? Probably. I'm guessing on the glyph in the center? Yeah. Wait, wait, arcana? Yeah. Okie dokie. Could've sworn there was somebody better for the job. Ah, you got a seventeen. You recognize that glyph. Ah... You have seen that before. Someone who stands in the center of it can be randomly imbued with or penalized based on... Just based on any given time. The glyph is on a timetable and unless the user knows exactly what time to stand on it, they're going to receive something random. I always wanted power.

Not it. It's a fantastic formula. I don't know, I just did the last one. Well, we don't want to stand on this thing haphazardly. Who says we have to stand on it at all? Is the entire room otherwise empty of interesting stuff? It's a mystery prize. Otherwise, otherwise it's empty. There are four statues in the center. They don't appear to do anything other than be decorative. Everything around this room is essentially... The glyph is the centerpiece. Everything else around it appears to be either decorative or for just worship. Something like that. So there is a way to figure out when the right time to step on it would be though?

We have his book. Yeah, should we check the book? Yeah, you can absolutely check the book. Okay, we checked the book to see if there's anything about this. Intimidated. There are no mentions of this glyph within the book. Okay, I think outside the book, man. Bookworms. Bunch of dorks. There is a door on the other side. You could just leave this by if you want. It's up to you. I don't wanna. I feel like this is something that maybe we can come back to if we can leave and then find more information. I really want this. Give it a shot. Oh my god. You're gonna step on it?

Think about it. It's about time for it. Don't touch it. Don't do it. I'm so don't touch it. What would you like to do in this situation? I really feel as though I have the most not to lose just in case something really bad happens because those people are made out of flesh and such. And fur. And gills or whatever the dragon's made out of. Gills, yeah. True. I agree. I'm gonna walk into it. Alright. Ironhide stands in the center of the glyph. Good luck, Robit. Can I sight me on sight? And the glyph begins to glow underneath of him. That's it. I win. Ironhide begins to emit a green glow about him.

Green. Blue. You immediately feel your... you just feel like an extra strength within you. And you feel like that's gonna last for a while. So what that's gonna do is give you a +1 to your attack rolls. Oh yeah! For the rest of the day. Nice. Power of drop. Can we all follow him and all step on it? It continues to glow while he's standing on it. So I'm gonna just get me a piece of that action. So as you saunter up to it, the glyph dissipates finally. And stops glowing. It's basically like a fort. Would you like to step off of it, Justin, or stay there? Umm... Thinking about staying on it, it feels pretty good.

Okay. This room needs another statue. I found my calling. Yennward, you gonna step on it with him? Sure. I thought you said it disappeared. Oh, it dissipated, but I mean, if you'd like to step on it. When Yennward steps on it, the glyph begins to glow again. Yeah. And both of you begin to shine with this green glow. And then you both immediately go blind. Holy shit! I'm blind! I feel like there's a message about greed that just was talking about. Okay, I think I know how to do this. Step off of this, Yennward. Do it again. Do it again. Just jump on top of the statue!

It's expired! So Yennward steps off and the glyph continues to just kind of sit there. I'm gonna keep stepping on it until I can see again. I see every sight beyond sight, not no sight at all. Does anyone else... Okay, you just want to keep messing with this? To keep stepping on it and stepping off is what you're saying? I'm just gonna step off. Am I gonna be blind forever? Is that like a new trait for Yennward? Step over here, see if anything changes. It doesn't feel like it's gonna last forever, but it's definitely... you can't see anything. So your teammates will have to guide you as you make your way across.

And there's no way to cure that? It feels like something that's just gonna have to run its course. Like it's a timed thing. Also, this extends to battle as well. Oh no. Great, now our tank is blind. Both of our tanks are blind. Oh my god. Such a great... such a great... You can only attack things within line of sight of your teammates. Because your teammates will have to tell you where to strike. I imagine I get... but I do have that +1 to attack, right? You certainly do, yes you do. Hey guys, let's leave it here. You wanna sleep for the night? We could sleep for the night.

I think we should put the fire out. Why? I don't know, something in here has to unlock something or... No, the door's across the room! Wait, then what the hell are we doing just jumping on the platform and getting blinded? 'Cause Justin got a wild hair up his ass and decided to try it? I thought we were gonna... Get her sultured up here like he's a player and then like jump on top of him blind of me. So it's not a disease? It's nothing I can... It's not a disease, it's a terrible curse. What a terrible knife for a curse. I knew that was gonna be... How would you guys like to advance here?

Just take a nap. Does anybody else wanna step on her? Nope. So I still remember when you promised me you'd leave me if I turned blind somehow? You guys would like to sleep is what you're saying? Yes. Okay. Hopefully we wake up with this terrible nightmare. This is stupid. Idiots. So, as you... Are you really gonna sleep in the middle of the tomb? Okay. Wait, hold on. I mean, we take watches. We take shifts watching. Sure, you could do that. Except for the one person who doesn't have to sleep can't see right now. You keep an ear out. I'm gonna sleep behind this statue.

This is a statue, right? Sure, yeah. It looks like it's swinging outward right at you, so if it does wake up... Yeah, but he can't see that, so it's fine. Yeah. Oh, so I'm gonna sleep on the other side of the statue. As you guys... So you've all laid down to take a rest from this exhausting trip into the tomb so far. And as you're laying down... You hear a banging. Oh shit. At the door from the opposite side of the room. And before too long that wakes you all up. And you can hear what sounds like rattling of swords and shields... ...slamming over and over again against that door.

I can't see shit. This is scary. The door itself, while made of thick wood... ...eventually starts to show cracks and splits where swords are being gouged in it from the opposite side. There's obviously some kind of strength from whatever's across the opposite side of that door hitting the thing over and over again. I'm not dying blind. Does anybody else want to jump on that thing real quick before some bust of the room? That's all you get blind? You have a couple of... You can try and barricade the door. You can try to just take up an offensive position.

Let's barricade the door. What do we have to barricade it with? How about the two blind people? These six statues. Can we push the statues? With a strength check. I'm pretty strong. Somebody tell me which way to push it. I'm going to step back on the glyph because I have a good feeling about it this time. Oh my god. Seriously? I'm going to do this as a team. Fuck it. No, don't! Not you. You've got to get things up. Fine. I can't even see where the glyph is. So... This is dumb. He stumbles onto the glyph. Jarek arms outstretched, feels his way up, trips, kind of does that stumble up the stairs as he's looking for this glyph, and then stands back on the glyph.

This isn't the glyph, right guys? I'm not going to the glyph. The glowing happens again. Yes. Just the same as before. Yes. You have dysentery. You are a poodle. You can feel even more strength quarantining. Yes! I'm going to get down on some of that. You're even more blind. They kind of grabbed him and walked over there. Guess what? What's that? You get a +1 to your damage rolls as well. I can free him! Now I'm going to get off because I know that ox of a person is going to come over here. I love how he gives the strength to Ynward. It's just like, I'm going to get on some of that.

It's like, oh, same job, Boo. Let's do this. Luckily Ynward turns around, runs straight into the statue and falls down. He's down for good. He just keeps trying. He's bleeding from the forehead. Okay. So right now Jerrick and Ynward are both blind. Jerrick, do you want to jump back on the glyph again? I don't like what I think is going to happen in the next one. You've had a great string of luck. I did, and so you came along. The door on the opposite side of the room is just getting the shit kicked out of it. At this point there are swords coming through it and hand axes being just chopped at this thing.

Okay, let's all do strength checks on a separate statue and just start pushing. Since I'm the strongest, I think, I don't know. Somebody lead me over here to this one. I'm going to push it. So you're trying to push the brazier, the metallic statue with flames. Okay. There's just spandex in the flames. Oh, how about if I knock it down? Uh, sure, you can go for that. Let me tell you about these statues. These statues are large, so these, I mean, it's going to require a hell of a lot of strength to move these at all. I could use another tank. And knocking the fire statue over is, I don't know how that's going to do.

We could just push it back. Me and, uh, Yenward once more. Teamwork. You just walk towards, right? Do we have to stand next to them and guide them or something? Uh, I guess you could tell them. No, a little further. We're one for one so far. So you're just trying to tip it backwards and knock it over? No, we're just trying to push it towards the door in front of us. Push it towards the door. Okay. Uh, Yenward, uh, here's what we're going to do. Everyone else roll a D20 to see if you can help. Yemward's going to do the actual pushing. With no modifier? Uh, yeah, it's just a D20.

Okay. Yeah, we got three. Three, seven, none of that helps. Hey! Twenty, nineteen, those two. So that's plus four so far. Why is it roll two? Yes. Nine, so that's plus four. Uh, Thorold, did you roll? Yeah, he rolled. He got seven. You got seven. Okay. Uh, so that's plus four. Yeah, plus four. Uh, so, Yemward, go ahead and roll a D20 plus nine. Machine. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Chkachoo. What? Uh, Critmas. The statue falls on us. So, you bury your face into this statue as you throw your shoulder into it and push, and this thing does not budge. Uh, on the opposite side of the room, uh, the door finally gives way.

Shit. And into the room, pours, uh, four skeletons. Oh. Oh, that's... Somebody inform me what's walking into this room.