A once and future thing

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

(COUGHING) Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s**t. Um... (CLEARS THROAT) With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Howdy folks. We have a fantastic sit down for you today. Can't wait for you to hear it. Make sure and swing by iTunes. Give us a review. We're on a real kick for that kind of stuff. We want to get as many as possible.

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And we really hope you enjoy the show. Let us know what you think about it. Real quick, one of the guys at work told me this because I didn't listen to the official edited version. Did you put the touch on the big reveal as me turning from a vampire into a human? Kind of. Because he's sitting there telling me, he's like, "Oh man, it was freaking awesome." Because I'm like, "Yeah, I thought I was dead." And then your body ceases to exist. Dun, dun, dun, dun. You got the touch. I'm like, "Oh my god, did he really do that?" I need to go back and listen to that.

That's badass. You got the power. Jason, do you still have the audio from yesterday? Yes, I do. I haven't had a chance to edit it with the company. I want to go through it. Okay, yes. Yeah, I'm a big fan of Transformers the movie, I'm sorry. That's fine. It turned out really cool though. I thought you were mad for a second. No, I was just like, "Did you really do that?" I was just more flabbergasted. We should introduce ourselves. I'm Jason Massey, I'm the DM. And going around the table we got Dan. I am Dan Phelps, I will be playing human war priest Rodswell Joy Batam.

The birthday boy, Mr. Robert Weezihon. Happy birthday, Rod. Thanks, guys. Robert Weezihon, I'm playing Malchus Grimace, Tiefling Warlock. We got Jake. Hey, I am Jake, I'm playing Draconis, the fire mage dragonborn guy. That's what I am. We got Tyler. I'm Tyler, I play Thoril Songsteel, the now fully human scout. And Justin. Why did you say that so late in question? I don't know, I'm just trying to put a flourish on it. My name is Justin Massey, I play Joker in Warforge. And Tom. Hey, I'm Tom and I'm a minotaur fighter. Alright, I got some exposition to get through here so just ride along with me.

I'm going to set a little scene. And then I'm going to hand the reins back over to you guys and see what you want to do. Let's do it. Tonight, we open on a lush green field that's covered in all the signs of spring. A gentle breeze caresses the tall grass and flowers. Rodswell, Ironhide, Yenward, and Draconis advance towards the gates of Wernhaven. They appear to be conquering heroes as all the city's denizens are gathered to the gates to welcome them back from their perilous mission. A huge swell of cheers erupts as the four of them come into view. Thoril and Malchus walk slightly behind them and are no less welcome when they come into view.

Talia Pedraeg pushes past the large gathering and runs across the field to Thoril. The two share a loving embrace and a tender kiss as the rest of the crowd swarms the champions. Brianna leaps from the crowd and attaches herself to Malchus's hip. He bends down and scoops her up into his hands. Suddenly, the sky darkens as if the sun itself has been blotted out. Malchus glances upward and sees a pitch black sky. He returns his gaze to the crowd of onlookers and Bree. Another gust of wind whips up, this time a bit harsher and colder. The small figure he holds in his hands begins to crumple and blow away as he realizes she has been turned to ash.

Malchus's eyes open with a start to the sound of a brazier being turned over. He's slumped over against a wall badly injured, blood covering his chainmail armor and robes. He looks around the room to see the group in better condition, if only slightly. He sees the once again human Thoril, still in his billowy cloak, now sporting a large footprint on the chest. He is no longer the pale figure that was under the cloak, but now sporting rosy cheeks and his trademark devilish grin again. Yennard is hovering over the body of the once mighty champion Drakh.

He bends down to pick up the giant fiery-haired combatant's battle axe storm render from the floor. Across the room, Ironhide cleans the gore off his silver sword and returns it to its sheath. Draconis investigates the shattered remains of the orb that hung on Drakh's belt loop. Rodswell approaches Malchus and helps him up from his slumped position on the wall. And what would you guys like to do from this point? Divvy up the goods. I've already re-did your characters and given you, I've split up the 50,000 gold and that's been evenly split up. You now have your, the stuff we discussed on the last podcast.

The orb of light, which is a very powerful artifact, is going to Rodswell. Now, the cool thing about this, so I'm going to describe what the orb of light does. Okay. Because this is something you haven't had to deal with before. Like this is a, this is an artifact that kind of has a mind of its own. So, what it is, is a powerful tool for destroying the undead. In fact, this thing has a lust for destroying the undead. And if you don't continually, you know, search out the undead and vanquish it, then it's going to punish you for that. Don't like that. It's, it's, it's interesting.

I'm going to read the entire thing off and then I'll be giving you a sheet so that you can keep track of it the entire time. So, what it does, let me go over the bonuses first, because this is, this is a pretty big deal. So, the orb of light is basically this luminous pearl that, that kind of has a faint glow about it. And it's going to be your offhand weapon. Now, right off the bat, it's going to give you the power to speak supernal and read supernal script, which is this kind of undead language. On top of that, it's going to give you a plus two, it's a plus two holy item.

So, that's on top of your, your weapons and stuff. So, that's a neat little stackable bonus. So, I think some of your attacks, you're going to get like a plus 17 to hit. Awesome. So, it's, it's ridiculous. Is that just, is that just for me holding it or is that it? That's just for it being on you. Okay. And it's kind of, it's kind of chosen you, like once you picked it up, it's kind of chosen you as like, okay, you're a cleric, you're all about the light, alright, you're my new champion. Gotcha. But if you fucking disappoint me, ooh. So, if you get a crit, if you, if you land a crit on any one of your attacks, you get a plus D six or plus two D six radiant damage to that target and if it's an undead creature, it's a plus two D ten.

Damn, okay. Yes, that's, so, this thing is constantly going to be speaking to you. Okay. It's, it's, it's basically going to be in your ear and it's like, hey, let's go slay someone dead. Let's go kill some zombies. Let's go kill some skeletons, come on. Let's get on the ball. Let's get, these, these are minotaurs. I don't know why we're fighting minotaurs. Let's go fight some, that's what it is. It's all about that. Is it sassy? It can be whatever you, we'll find that out as we role play, but now the way it starts to, like you're gonna. Like Andy the Bomb from Red vs Blue.

So you're going to constantly earn and lose points based on your actions in combat, right? So you're starting out with a score of five, which just means it's pretty like, man, it's, it's, it's not pleased with you or displeased. Now, as you do things like, if you protect one of your party members from the undead, you're going to get like a plus one. If you, if you kill something that's undead or destroy the source of something that's undead, you get a plus one. Now, if you do things that are going to piss this thing off, like run away from a fight with the undead or, um, uh, or, or if you lose a fight with the undead, something like that, you're going to get, you know, negatives and that adds up.

Now, the higher the, the counter is for this, I mean, once you get towards the max, like if you please it, you're going to get, uh, you're going to get special encounter powers or bonuses, things like that. And that will aid you in your fight against the undead. If you continually displease it, you're going to get some negative consequences. So if we're not fighting the undead, will it automatically be displeased? No, it's nothing like that. Or will it just not be around? It's, no, it's always going to be around. Right, but it will not affect things if I'm not fighting the undead?

Um, it's always going to have an effect one way or the other. It's not necessarily that you were just not fighting the undead, it's if you lose battles with the undead or if you, um, if you avoid, if you, uh, if you were given the option to fight the undead, even if it's something bigger than you, stronger than you, and you will lose this fight. If you run from it, the orb's going to be displeased. Gotcha. I got a question. Yes. Uh, does it only speak to, uh, him or do we hear to, does everybody hear this? It speaks to him. It's not, it's not like it's speaking.

It's not like an inanimate object that speaks. It's not, it's in his head. Yeah, like in his mind, right? Right, yeah. So, like, only him, not us, like it cannot speak to us? No. Okay, gotcha. And they don't hear it, yeah, it's just... No. So you're going to appear kind of crazy at times. Okay, cool. So, um, so that is going to Rottswell. Uh, we talked about Malkus getting the, uh, the +2, uh, Rod of Deadly Casting and the hero's chain mail armor, the +2. So he's wearing that and that brings us up to speed as far as loot goes. I think you, what would you guys like to do here?

You are in Drax Tomb and it's pretty deadly quiet, actually. Uh, there's blood trickling out of his corpse and, like, he's kind of resting in a pile of shattered glass and blood and gore and... So we're all healed up, right? I would imagine that's the first thing you're going to do. So we're going to take a nap or something? Well, not a nap, but I mean, like, pop healing surges, whatever you gotta do. I don't know if a nap would be... Okay. Sorry, I'm back. Okay. Uh, first off, I was in the middle of picking up Malkus. So, um, Malkus, uh, obviously he looks very shaken up and I, and I noticed that and I, uh, I go to Malkus as I'm lifting him up and I say, uh, "You look pretty rough there, man.

Did you, uh, what are you thinking about?" Because I can obviously see that there's something in his eyes that's not right. Drauk hits pretty hard, huh? Looks like it might be more than Drauk. Do you have anything on your mind or do you not want to talk? Just bad dreams, I think. Well, uh, I don't know if you noticed, but I think, uh, an old friend may have returned and I may, I motion towards Thoril. I did. It's good to have you back among the, uh, world of the living, eh? Yeah, I, I feel pretty good. Um, so, oh, I guess, well, I don't have to introduce myself to you or anything, right?

Like, you, you, you... He's still Thoril, like, yeah. Right, I understand. It's just a weird dichotomy here now at this point because he looks so different, you know. Um, what are we doing, guys? I guess we do, do we want to just head back to Winterhaven? We did what we came to do. We'll be, we'll be legend when we return. Let's go. We'll be back. Uh, making your way, uh, making your way outside of this, this tomb, uh, you, you walk past all the, the, the, the bodies of, of, you know, those once famous militia of, of, of Drauk. Just kind of broken skeletons and just, you, you just walk your way back outside of the place with, without incident.

And when you get outside, uh, you notice two things. One, the constant thunderstorms that, that surrounded this place on your, on your journey up have stopped. And that's kind of been replaced with the much more, uh, the much more common blizzard-like conditions that surround all of the north. Uh, so it's, it's still windy and, and crappy leading back to the Ice Bridge. But the Ice Bridge itself has seemed to have doubled in size and thickness. Good. We're gonna have to do that again. Thoril's not gonna fucking strain, strain me out there again. Yeah, we were, we were tying rope on our way out, just like, "Ah, fuck," and then we get out there.

Oh, well that's a surprise. That's nice. On the bright side, this time we at least tied it to something secure rather than ourselves. That's pleasant. Okay. Just saying, we, we learn from our mistakes. So we don't need to roll anything to get across the bridge. The bridge is much faster. Some of you came prepared. Um, you, you make your way back down the mountain and, again, without incident, and though it's, it's just as cold as you remember, it's, it's still a constant barrage of ice and snow and hail constantly. You, you know the terrain now, you, after the drog fight, any of this kind of seems almost inconsequential.

Um, you make your way through the ice and snow for a couple of days until you see a set of familiar lights. And it's, it's this warm glow that kind of cuts through the, the, the wind and the ice and the darkness and you recognize that as Camp Icebreaker. Hey, see, I told you we could get it on the way back. Alright, let's do this. Oh yeah. Here we go. I'm ready. I think we should hunker down for the night. I agree. I know they're kind of weird, but, you know, what else are we going to do? Freeze to death? Let's, let's, what are they going to do? We outnumber them.

So you all want to, you want to, you want to stay at Camp Icebreaker. Look at that axe. What are they going to do? Stay out in the woods right now. Yeah. And Ironhide doesn't sleep, so it's fine. He just goes into hibernate mode. Yeah. So you, you approach Camp Icebreaker and... Nothing loads. Why is that not loading? I see it. It's not there anymore. I see it too. Well, that's weird. Oh my God, I see two barracks now. Yeah. They've doubled inside of us. Hmm. That's, that's, that's the first thing you notice is that a couple more structures seem to be up. They, they, they, it's, the camp is, is full of people and it's, it's brimming with life.

Whereas... Icebreakers on the rise. Whereas the last time you guys came through, it was more of a, a tent and a bar and you guys got a really queasy feeling from the people who lived here. On the people who lived here. Yeah. [mumbling] So you guys want to pop into the bar and, and check things out? Yeah, let's belly out to the bar. Yep. Sure. Silver, right? We're cautiously optimistic here. Shut up, Thorl. Let's go. Let's go. Let's do this. You walk into the bar and again, teaming with people like that. I mean, there's a lot of people in this settlement. And as you walk in, they all kind of look at you.

Uh, Yenward, Yenward kind of ducks down to fit through the door and squeezes through the other side. Um, but Iron hides towards the front and as soon as he crosses the threshold of this place, everyone stops what they're doing and just starts staring at you guys. It's a robot. [laughing] And the bartender speaks up and says, "You got a lot of nerve bringing that thing in here." Whoa. He has a name. Who the hell are they talking about? I didn't do anything yet. [laughing] I don't want the color of your metal. [laughing] Fuck the rustbag. What exactly is wrong with our friends?

You know damn well what's wrong with them. We don't, we don't really take kindly to war forage up here. What's that? Why is that? He kind of, he kind of likes it. He gives you this, this, this, like, are you fucking kidding me look. He's like, look, if you can keep him under control, fine, you can eat, drink, whatever, but you folks should probably get on your way sooner than later. Uh, sure, we'll keep him under control. That's, yeah. Look at Malkus. You got him, Malkus? Can we control him, you think? [laughing] That's what you people do best, control us. [laughing] Be free.

Fighting racism with sarcasm. No, I think we should put it on a show where we're like, we're trying to control him. Malkus, Malkus looks at Ironhide and whispers. Hold your breath. Malkus looks at Ironhide and whispers, it's probably not best to provoke the ignorant. [laughing] Um, the, uh, the bartender chimes in and points at Malkus, all right, you're responsible. If he does anything to any of these people here, it's on you. You got it, chief, just pour the ale. [laughing] And without further incident, they produce fine ale and all kinds of liquor and wine and food out the ass.

They have food, and it's food food, not the questionable food that you guys ran into the last time you were here. We don't know that yet. We should ask about the people that we saw here before and see if they're still here. Yeah, where are the owners at? We may want to find that out. Before we get too comfy. Let Jason continue, get there. Oh no, that's a perfectly reasonable question. Yeah, I thought we were gonna get there. I thought you were telling us about the wonderful food that we were about to get. Um, I'm gonna do everybody a favor, I'm just gonna walk out.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't think that's a great idea splitting the party right now, I don't think. I don't think these guys are really gonna say, "Hey, this guy with the billy club, he's coming at you, watch out." So, you're walking outside? Yeah, I'm just gonna... Oh, come on. Okay, I don't like that. I don't like that either. So, Ironhide walks outside and is, I guess you're floating by the front door somewhere in there? Yeah. Okay. I'll scream rape if anybody comes at me. Ironhide's got his rape whistles, so it's okay. Malchus looks at the party and says, "Do y'all just want to keep going?

This just, this is uncomfortable." You guys are okay. You guys are all that in there, so... Yeah, man, nobody hates minotaurs, I'm cool. Makes smelly flea-ridden minotaurs. I mean, Ironhide's just going to get grumpy and passive-aggressive and pissy for the rest of the encounter, so we may as well just watch. Hey, look at that, I'm the one charging out of a building. I'm just saying, if we eat it, we'll never hear the end of it. Mom, Dad, stop! We may as well... If Ironhide's just going to get pissed. No, no, I came for some grapes. Let's get some grapes. He's already pissy, we might as well...

Oh, yeah, is that what you call it? Grapes? Draconis? Hey, come on, let's do this. The bartender fetches you a large plate of grapes. Yes. So, yeah, so then, Thorol, why don't you ask him about the owners, since you were so interested? I forget their names, I know, like... One was Terry, I think. Was it Terry Bowman and Dallas Bowman? Yes, there you go. Bowhunter, there we go. I knew Dallas Bowhunter! Last time I was watching, I was watching the show, and I was like, "Oh, I'm going to go to Dallas." I knew that was Bowhunter. Last time we were here, there were a couple of men...

Don't know, we kind of want to know maybe what happened to them. Terry and Dallas Bowhunter? And the bartender looks at you kind of quizzically, and is like, "I'm the owner. I don't know who you're talking about." What's your name? My name's Larry. Larry. Thank God. Would it be great? My two dads? Dravic. Last name's Dravic. So, you've never... Something's fishy here. Never seen those two guys before, huh? I don't know what they look like. We just... We should describe them. Ah, we get a lot of people passing through the camp. Could it have been someone posing as the owner?

There was nobody here. What's going on in the past few days that have caused such massive growth to this camp? They were the camp last time we were here. That's strange. I mean, we get swells of people coming and going, but I mean, it really hasn't been dead for a long time. There was nobody else here just a few days ago. You weren't here, Larry. No, you weren't here. Hold on. No, you weren't here, motherfucker. What's in here? Hold on. What was the name of that girl in the book that we got earlier? That was in the chest. Anybody know her name? Mary or something like that?

Yes. You guys remember? Yes. Okay, well, maybe we should ask if he knows who Mary... Do we have a last name? It wasn't in the journal. Was her husband's name in the journal? I believe it was. All right, where's the journal? Who's got the journal? That would be me. I don't think we took it. Why is the one that doesn't read Heaven? I'm pretty sure we didn't take it. I don't believe you took it. It was one of those things where it's like, "I'll read it," but no one says, "I'm going to put this in my inventory." No one says, "I'm going to pocket it." Maybe you know our friend Mary.

Have you ever heard... Again... Is that her husband? We've got a lot of people up here. I mean, people come and go. I don't really keep track of everybody. I just kind of serve food and ale. Hmm. Interesting. I don't like being here. All right. I don't know what's wrong with this place. Nothing fishy at all. How long were we gone? I think it's almost all the time. You could totally roll an insight check. Can we ask what year it is? Do we have a year in our history here? I have a +13 to insight, so let me pull up my dice here. Insight Bluffs. 31. Nice. 31 is fantastic.

Everything that he's saying seems like it's on the level. He doesn't... His general racism towards Ironhide, his confusion that you bringing up the owner when he's the owner. You were here four days ago. All that seems to be legit. He seems genuinely confused. Maybe a history check would be... Because a history check would tell us the history of this place. Well, you already kind of found that out. What if we just let Draconis ask the question he was going to ask? Yeah, go for it. Yeah, what year is it? You guys don't know the year? Humorous. I've never attached a year to the...

That's what I was wondering when I first asked that. I was like, "Wait a minute, I don't know if..." Yeah, we've never really attached a year to it? It's different. So he tells you the year. If it's like so and so years different, if it is... 1223. It's different. Then the answer that you're expecting. It's about 17 years different. Whoa. Before or after? Like, earlier or... Oh, shit. You guys have lost 17 years is what he's saying if it's correct. God. He's delirious for the gold. I hear it though. Sir, how much do we owe you for the meal and the drinks? A couple of gold will square us up fine.

Rodswell throws down the money and... Guys, I think we need to gather outside. Yeah. That was my best years. I was so young before then. And we're starting to look a little ugly now. Okay, so we go outside and we kind of catch iron. Say, guys, did you ask about the Warforged situation since I'm out here now? No. You left. You didn't have to leave. And the black guy walking in like at a bar in the 18th century saying, "Hey, why do you guys hate me so much?" Okay, fine. There's... Guess what, Ironhide? There's way more pressing matters than the fact that they didn't like you.

But I didn't like you because I... Lost... No. We are 17 years in the future. I don't care. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The orb. Didn't the orb that we have that we got off of Drauk didn't have something to do with time? The one that was smashed? Yes. Well, that's not good at all then. You never ran a check on it or anything like that. Before... Well, we crunched it, right? True, yes. But, I mean... What kind of check... I have it in my pocket, guys. Just letting you know. I got it in my pocket. It looks like hell and I'm bleeding badly. It's cutting into me really bad.

Yeah, um, Warforged, they're timeless. Alright, well, I think we need to get the hell back to Winterhaven. We need to haul ass to Winterhaven. Wait, should we go... Wait, maybe we should check on that orb that we crushed. We could still go back. Why? That is a long trek. It's like two days. Well, okay, it's two days through, you know, the ice and snow and... In 17 years, what's two days really? Okay, because I like Winterhaven. So, okay, wait, you're going back to Winterhaven or you're going... That's what he just said and when I said we should go back everyone's like, "No!" So I guess we should go back.

If we lost 17 years, what's two days more really? But when we go up there we can get into an encounter with like a bunch of those frost worms. Maybe. We might die on the way back when we don't even have to. Totally up to you guys. I think we really gotta figure out what the hell's going on. Yeah. We gotta go back. Do we look any different? Did we age? No, we were caught in the bubble, I think. To you guys, you look the same. Like you're checking each other out and nothing appears to be different about each other. If you guys wanna go back... Okay, well let's take a vote.

The bottom line is what you're gonna go back and try to do is roll a check on it. So you're gonna risk going back two days, maybe getting into a fight, and then rolling a check. And if the check turns out bad, you're no worse than... I mean... Well we can also, like if we do decide to go back, we can just scoop up the pieces and put them in a bag. I think what the thought is is that we might put it back together or something to travel. Wasn't it glass? Yes. Glass is extremely hard to put back together. Okay, we'll never put it back together. Let's go home.

Let's forget about everything forever. Yeah, who cares that it's 17 years later? Let's just bail. I'm saying let's go back to the town and see what's changed. Rion will be able to do that too. She'll be legal. Ewwww. It's very easy... Ironheart, it's very easy for you to say let's go back to the town and see what's changed. You don't have anything to lose. You look at a person like Malkus who has 17 years of, you know, that he lost with Bree, or someone like Thoril who has 17 years that he lost with, I'm sorry I can't remember the name right now. Talia. Talia.

Abroad. Okay, but wouldn't you want to go back as soon as possible to see what happened? No, if we go all the way back, then... No, no, I'm saying... I'm thinking of this as like back to the future shit, like if we encounter... I wouldn't want to go back to the town though. If we can correct this, if there's an opportunity to correct it, we should take every opportunity to do so. If we go back to the town right now... That may not allow us to do it. Alright, let's do it. I think we should kill everyone in this city, this town. I said we should kill everybody.

Draconis, I'm sorry, what did you just say? You guys have gotten to me, okay? I'm learning your ways. Okay, I'm joking, let's go back. This is Joe. I feel like something was lost in the end. I'm trying to lighten the mood here, alright? We need to go back and not argue. Can we just retcon this whole thing and just pick it up? Just do the insight check. Or not the insight check, do the check on the orb at the beginning. That is something you guys, that's a penalty for being, you know, playing fast and loose. You guys got to trek back up there now. Because there's this whole big talk about, like, we need to hurry up on this stuff.

No, no, no, I'm talking about combat. The roleplay stuff, I could do the roleplay stuff all day. Combat gets a little draggy here and there. You were saying checks, I thought you were talking about when we get to stuff like this. You didn't want us to do so many checks. No, no, no, I mean, like, just, like, okay, if you run down a situation, you guys will run through every check that a D&D player could possibly make. Can we run a history check? Let's run a cheese check. Is this guy, can he eat dairy? I have cheese checks. Let's eat. I don't trust you we can't eat dairy, I'm sorry.

If all else fails, the entire temple or whatever that's, the entire tomb is uninhabited. It's not going anywhere. We can always go back and make sure we spawn for 17 years. Yeah, we don't know exactly. Yeah, and on the other hand, I got to say, we just beat Drauk. The idea of having to go after a couple of frost worms isn't that scary right now. Like, this shit is weak compared to what we just beat. At 8 o'clock right now, we have to get moving one way or the other. Shitters scary. If we go all the way back to Winterhaven, it's going to be another giant journey to get back.

Right now, we're close enough that we can turn around and get back in just a couple days. I say we go back to the tomb. Right, so we're going back. We're walking right now. I'm one person that said that. I mean, I'm not going to make a decision for the group, so... I'm with Rod's... I mean, I trust him. We'll go back and get it. That's fine. May I make a suggestion? You may want to stock up on rations. Just roleplay wise. I've had that butter. Let's go back in the bar and grab the rest of those grapes and head out. So you have packed your bags with food, so you're all rationed up again, you're ready to go.

You don't need to worry about keeping blood on you. So that's a plus. It's just food from now on. Something we didn't discuss is that would have been the first actual meal that Thor would have eaten in close to a year. How'd it taste? How do you like them grapes? Tastes like chicken. There's something deeply wrong with them. Just to stay in good grapes. I think I'm having a stroke. I don't know, everything tastes like chicken. You guys smell purple? Okay, we are headed back to the temple. Re-entering the temple. Because someone forgot their car keys. We walked all the way home, forgot that there's a car way back there.

See, this is why I need to loot everything. Don't hold me back next time. You find the potty of Drax still laying there in front of his own throne, still bleeding all over the pile of broken glass. He's been bleeding for 17 years. So I'm guessing you're going to want to run an Arcana check. Yes, I have Arcana, I have plus 8. We all know the Mage has the most. I got 12. I think I'm close to what you are, but I don't know if I'm next. You are better. You're much better. Go for it. Here comes. 31. 31, wow. Yes, killing it today. Beast mode. So you're definitely picking up some residual powerful magic.

What that orb was designed to do was basically create a bit of time dilation within a small zone. What that did was give Drax the illusion of moving incredibly fast when in reality he would slow down everybody in his vicinity to a crawl. The thing is it takes a second or two to work. What was going on was he was charging that while Thoril smashed the thing from behind him to cave in the back of his skull with his axe. What that did was release a torrent of this energy and it was all pretty much localized to that throne room. Oh shit. So it's Thoril's fault.

Thanks for laying the blame on me. We're not here to assess the blame. Mishaps happen often with powerful magical items. It's not important. So there's really no way to correct this. Damn. No, is it two days till we've wasted you? We'll take the pieces. Worst case scenario, souvenir. Best case scenario, it's way home someday. I'm going to scoop it into a little bag and take it. You don't use your conus? I do, I have a couple bags actually. Some of them are great. Some of them are going to have some shards of glass. Lord question, Jason. Yes. Does this take us out of the same area in time as group two?

Who's to say that you were playing in the same area as group two to begin with? Oh. Start a simple circle. Technically, I've been waiting for you guys to catch up time-wise to group two. You were 17 years behind them. Oh wow. I think you're making that up. I am not making that up at all. We almost lapped them, so that's what's going on. Sir, I have a three-ring binder that would disagree with that. Oh my god, I'm going to have to start listening to their episodes much closer. Yes you will. The way we can doe shit. I've been asking you guys the entire time, "Hey, you listen to group two?" "Oh, that's cool, that's cool." No shit.

Well yeah, you have a vested interest in group two. Who? Uh, Dan. Oh yeah. So you guys need to get wives and have them get on group two. You despise group two. I'm as it is. It's Cookie, he's a braggart. Alright, everybody do the last minute double check because we're not coming back to the tomb again. Pick up drop, just bring them with us. Put them in a bag. Pike right here. Totally take his head, totally. Uh, okay, to Winterhaven? Should we run some Dungeoneering check just to make absolutely sure we didn't forget anything? I'm going to step on this glyph real quick.

You guys go ahead. No. I'm blind! I'm a liability. I'm ready to go. Yeah, let's head home. Alright, so you guys leave again. And, uh, you leave once again without incident, which kind of astonishes you to get out the first time and there's nothing floating around. Is, I mean, that's okay, you figured you just got done clearing the place out, but after everything you've learned and then leaving for two days and coming back, you would kind of think that something would be floating around the hallways, something ominous, something's happening, but nothing.

Um, it also appears as all the magical glyphs and things like that have faded. They don't seem to have any magical charge in them. Uh, and you guys head back down the mountain again and wander past Camp Icebreaker. Would you guys like to continue on south? I'm assuming you're heading back towards Winterhaven, that's what you were saying. Can we at least ask them about the Warforged situation? 'Cause I don't want to go into town and it's like, "Yeah, there's a wild witch hunt for you dudes." Well, you've got a ways to go before town. It's not a terrible idea.

If we wander into Winterhaven and there's some... There's like a Warforged attack in the last seventeen years or something? Yeah. Fucking Terminator. Alright, let's do this. Okay. Um, so yeah, we'll keep him outside this time I guess. Welcome, uh, Thoril II to the group, everybody. Uh, wandering back into Camp Icebreaker, uh, some of the children are, uh, they see you coming and they're kind of picking up rocks and throwing at Ironhide. What the hell? And they're kind of... I don't like this new world. I think it's hilarious. I give them a stern look and put my hand on my axe handle and they cut it.

They're jumping out! They scurry, they're like, "Oh!" and they scurry away. But they're giggling the entire time. Their rocks were just kind of pinging off his head and back and shoulder and just kind of making that awful, like, hitting a piece of metal with rock. Like, ricocheting's like, "Ting!" Just that awful... Is there a ricochet on anybody? No, just like, they're just bouncing kind of harmlessly off you. It's not hurting you. It's more of a disrespect thing. Well, I mean, is it hitting anybody around me? Uh... I like to feel like we've kept our distance after the first one.

Yeah! So, no, no, I mean, no damage was done or anything. It was just hitting you. And you guys saunter back into the bar, leaving Ironhide outside of the front door. And I guess you want to talk to the bartender again? Yeah... Come here, Larry. How you doing? You want more grapes? Yeah, first off, yes. I guess we should be honest. We have been adventuring for quite a while. And when we had left, there didn't seem to be a problem with Warforged. However, now there seems to be, and we aren't quite sure why. And he looks at you for a... Look, there's a long pause.

He's kind of got his jaw dropped. He's like, "You don't know about the Overwatch?" Oh, it's been quite a while. I don't see how anyone can survive that long up here without knowing at least some of what's been happening. I don't... We're pretty hardy. Please humor us. We were away from civilization for quite a long time. So you don't know about the Warforged army? Nope. You don't know about... Not at all. City of Overwatch? They call them NetSky. Oh, wait, wait. Are you possibly talking about Overdale? I haven't called it Overdale in a long time. Ah, fuck. Malchus just slams his fists on the bar and storms out.

Son of a bitch. I see. Does this have anything to do with a meeting that took place 17 years ago? I'm not a real history buff or anything. I just know about the attacks. Almost definitely. What kind of attacks were involved? It's a piece of shit. The raiding the countryside, the butchering of Winterhaven. That was a big one. What? So... You guys don't know anything about this. You serious? There's no more Winterhaven? Doesn't exist anymore? No, no. Winterhaven's still around. It's just the great siege. Nothing. You don't know anything about this? You have to understand, we're from a small village and our history books are a bit dated, so we just, you know, we don't get a lot of outside visitors come in.

You should read The Bleak Ten. That guy did a history book about it the last ten years. That's a good read. How's that a good read for you guys? We're in the middle of the Dark Ages, aren't we? Why do you think we live up here? Oh, lord. What? Are you heading south? Is that what you're saying you're doing? That was the plan. Think about it. He looks at Yenward after that and a bit of static coming off his axe. He's like, "Ah, well that guy's probably got a shot. I mean, I'd stick close to him." Stick close to me, guys. I'm tough. Well, here's what I assure you, sir.

We do travel with the Warforged, however, he is from our group. He is not from... He doesn't know about any of this either. He doesn't know about any of this either. And as long as he is treated fairly, I don't see a problem with him being around. Would you be able to give us a place to stay possibly for the night and gather our thoughts and discuss our next move? Consider everything that we've just learned. I don't see a problem with it. Just make sure he's not wearing any of the colors and keep him out of sight, okay? Is he wearing any of the colors right now?

Just keep him out of red. Okay. Thank you for your food, thank you for your time, and thank you for humoring us and explaining all this to us. It won't bother you anymore. And he reaches out to shake your hand. I return. He's like, "It's okay. Just rest your bones. There's two buildings down and there's a room there. You can have that one." Okay. Thank you very much. And I throw him five gold from my money. And I walk outside to Malkus, or we walk outside to Malkus and Ironhide. There's a lot to catch up on, guys. They were kind enough to overlook Ironhide and allow us to stay here for the evening.

If we'd like to go into the room, perhaps we can reassess things a little. Malkus nods. Are you okay with that, Ironhide? Mm-hmm. Okay. So, is my character all caught up, or when we get in here, everything's gonna be caught up? I imagine we don't need to roleplay the part where I explain stuff, right? No. Like we can just go to the reaction. Yeah. Skip to that. Yes. Skip to the reaction. So now you've heard everything. We have to go... Go where? We have to go see what's wrong in Winterhaven. Are you guys allowed? I don't care if I'm allowed. It's the only place I've ever called home.

We're still there. I would assume we're still considered knights there. We don't know who's there right now, as far as rulers. But, from what it sounded like, Overdale, which is now known as Overwatch, has basically taken over that whole area. Like, I don't... It sounds like... We started something 17 years ago that resulted in... this. And we will finish it by walking a bloody reckoning to the doorstep of whoever crossed us. This is something. So, what you're saying is, there's an entire army versus us six, or five, depending on whatever happens. What you're saying is, we just go inside there and just kill everybody.

That's not... We need to go see what's up, though. Organic. If nothing else, I'm pretty sure that whole sanction on us going to Overdale is over. I imagine that's still an effect. Just not in the space. I imagine it's a bit more of Overdale now, or Overwatch. Yeah, it's Overwatch. I imagine that the second they see anything that looks like Ironhide, Draconis, Malchus, or Ynward... It's been 17 years, I don't know if they would... No, I'm talking about... I don't think it has anything to do with who they are, it's what they are. Wait a second. They said Overwatch.

From what you explained to me, it's the great siege. Odds are, they're not around anymore. It's the over... I mean, at Overwatch, it's Warforge. No, he said Overdale had turned into Overwatch. Yeah. Oh, and it's... Oh, is it all Warforge? Is that the... That's what we're thinking, yeah. That's what I gathered, so why the hell would you want to go there? Yeah, the old regime's gone, that's what I gathered. I don't know that we can be fully clear on the situation without seeing it. Jason? Oh, that's your decision, I can't tell you. I'm speaking to God now. Jason, what's going on?

What's going on? Mighty Jason! We beseech you! What is the safest way for us to do this, guys? I mean, is there a safe way? Do we just need to barge in? If it's a city full of Warforges, it might be best to just send Jerrick in. Unless it's not. But Winterhaven, I don't know if that's the city, you know what I mean? Yeah. We should probably check them first. We need real, concrete intelligence. We're trying to make a plan before we even know the situation. Yeah. We need scout. Maybe head to Winterhaven? Yeah. I agree. To Winterhaven. Alright. And we haven't given up on the idea that we could go back to our own time, either.

That's why we have these shards and we can look into that as well. It just seems like all the liquid dripped out of it and now it's just glass, right? I never said there was liquid. God. I get. If there's, like, witch doctors and shit that can turn me back from a vampire to a human, I'm sure there's something somewhere that could possibly repair this. Yeah. Transformers did that to you. It's the Autobot Matrix of Leadership. I guess we decided to go back to Winterhaven, so why don't we rest up for the night and in the morning start making the trek back? It's been 17 years.

What's one night? Yeah. Curious about what this is? After that, you guys are fully rested and you start making your way out of Camp Icebreaker and south. Now, on your way south, you have to take the King's Road, which is the one highway that marches all the way from the north and south on the west end of the continent. That marches past Winterhaven, several small villages, and ultimately down to Overdale/Overwatch. On the road... Let's see here... Where is it? Where is it? There we go. On the road, if you guys would like to place your characters right in here...

I recognize this road. That is the same road in which you convinced... Clobnok. Clobnok, yeah. To smash that little gnome. That was fun. Every gnome character in this universe has turned out to be a shifty, like, swindler, by the way. That's what gnomes are, man. I don't know why. Fucking gnomes. I always thought goblins were... Wait till you listen to Group 2's stuff. Anyway... I thought goblins were more like primal, just fucking... Yeah. Well, I guess... I have a feeling there's a whole crap load of stuff that Group 2's done that will help us out here. You never know, you might want to listen.

On your way down the road... You hear... What sounds... You hear marching. Oh, you guys better get... Get hidden. And it sounds like... Either something very large, or something well armored. And it is definitely coming your way. I don't know how you'd like to deal with the situation. Quite hard. I think we should hide behind these trees. I agree. We're rocks. If we do... If we hide, we're all gonna have to run stealth checks, most likely. But it's only if you're moving about, right? No, it is not. He's gonna see us anyway, so what do we have to lose? Our lives? Yeah, but at the same time, I mean, we do have Ironhide here who...

Hypothetically, could vouch for... Let's put some red on him. Yeah, get some red on this motherfucker. You saw the blood laying around? Somebody cut your throats. It's for the greater good, guys. Yeah, I mean, none of us are too skilled in stealth, so I think at this point, talking our way out of it... If anything happens, or fighting would be... The option we'd have to take. Yeah. Well, I mean, okay, Thorol's okay at stealth, but the rest of us... Well, not so much anymore, but I still got a +7, so I might go behind a tree. Now it seems like we're trying to get an ambush on.

Okay. So how would you like to... You just want to stay on the road, basically? Unless anybody has a better idea. Let's just stay on the road. Road sign. Alrighty. Coming up the road is a small battalion of Warforged. There looks to be their equivalent of some sort of captain or someone who'd be leading this battalion. And then next to him, just floating behind him, are several soldiers, all of which Warforged. All of them are wearing black leather, for the most part, with red highlights all over them. Stylish. That's not what catches your eye the most, though.

They appear to be either escorting this... Hawking behemoth... Or... It's their Hawking behemoth. Or it's their Hawking behemoth. And it is definitely a Warforged of some type. But you... Jesus Christ. Balls. This thing is not like a Warforged you've ever seen. It's... HULKING. Humongous. It doesn't have hands so much as huge axe blades attached to large metallic poles. I see a Cruncher right there has his right hand. It's essentially a mech. Yeah, I'm leaning more pet than captive. I am... That is my assessment. Yeah. And these things are marching their way towards you.

They don't break stride, they don't... Do they see us yet? Can we still hide? They definitely see you at this point. The red eye says yes. Are they... Like, do they seem to have their attention drawn to us at all? Or could we just try stepping off the road and see if they walk right by us? They haven't changed their focus since they came over the little hill. Marching upwards. Let's step aside. Let's just step aside. They might just... Yeah. Step aside. As soon as you start to make your way off the road... The commander shouts forward in this tinny, kind of almost a hollow voice.

"Halt!" And we do. Shit. Yes, sir. What city do you belong to? What was that other city who just left? No, don't tell him. That's a secret. We're from... Overwatch? That city up there has humans in it! We're outdoorsmen. We're woodsmen. We've been gone for a while. And he says, "So you're saying you don't belong to a city at all?" No, we're just woodsmen. We live on the land. And he's talking to Thoril. Thoril and Rodswell, mostly. And he says, "You know it's illegal to keep tieflings, minotaurs, dragonborn, any of these inferior creatures here." Oh, shit. Malchus just rolls his eyes.

Oh, focus. Thoril. Thoril. I'm trying. I'm trying to think of something. You're mommy's shit. Thoril, tell them there are prisoners and then... Tell them that. There are prisoners. We're taking them down the road. Then why aren't your prisoners in shackles? Good question. Because our... They're afraid of our Warforged because he's so mighty. Our Warforged has intimidated them to the point to where they know if they run away they will die. Roll a bluff check, please. Oh, hold this. Who's the bluffie? I shouldn't have frickin' done it, you know that? My bluff is just... it's the same.

It's gonna suck so hard. It has to be him anyway because he's the one speaking. Oh, big money. No whammies, no whammies, no whammies. Awwww. That's a big whammy. Five is better than one. That's true. Start drawing your weapons now, boys. I have Stormlander. I'm not playing my own. Okay, that's a seven. He's not buying it. Why aren't they talking to Ironhide? That's just not who they spoke to first. They don't recognize him as one of theirs. It's not illegal for him to be here, but he's not wearing the colors. He's not representing for the hood, basically. I think I see what's going on.

What happens if I yell "Ironhide" really loud? Then it'll get Ironhide's attention, I would imagine. I just want to make sure they didn't worship Ironhide or something. Well, if they did, you'd imagine they'd recognize him. Oh, hey, we worship you. Who knows? They might have true drawings or something. We don't know what their record keeping is like, so... Just making sure. From what we know, considering they probably came from Overdale, he may be their Antichrist. Okay, this is what I believe to happen, alright? Warforges are created from people of magic.

What I believe to happen is Carter made these guys. Since he's hunting down anybody that looks like a miniature, anybody besides human, like how Carter is, I think that's what's going on here. Well, they're drawing their weapons. Well, shit, okay. Based on the fact that you are clearly not... These are clearly not your captives. No one's in shackles, and Draconis is leaving. Okay. I just thought you liked murdering things. Everyone roll initiative. Great. Oh, jeez, alright. Can I just opt out and say, like, I don't wanna kill my people? These are my people. Sure, you can opt out and just fuck up your world.

Then of course when you say that, they're gonna attack you. I'll say, don't hurt me. That was the shittiest roll ever. Ever. Ooh, thought two. Look at that shit. I got 10% of my potential roll. Okay, I haven't done this in a while. Initiative is D20+ your initiative. So seven for me. If I roll my real dice, will you believe if I tell you? Aw, fuck, seven. No, but I wanna use the $10 in dice I spent in St. Louis. You're sitting there looking really nice. Single-handedly bought that guy from game night a steak dinner. Um... Hit a draw. Artemis appreciated it. Artemis.

Artemis is shit. Alright, everyone read off your initiatives. I already got Tom's, that's a two. Eight. Two. Ten. Seven. Seventy-seven for... Twenty-three. Twenty-three for Rod Swell. Yes, twenty-three for Rod Swell. Twelve for Malkus. Twelve for Malkus. And how much for you, Ironhide? Uh, seven. Seven. Alright. And let me add these guys to the initiative tracker. Might as well just shuffle us to the bottom of the list. Oh, we don't know that. Don't be so defeatist. I got a 23. Dan got a good roll. Oh, I got an eight. Sorry. And let me add... Forget it. That thing in the middle is called a titan.

So, let me just add the titan to the list and boom. Boom. Oh, I see six. It sounds timid and unimpressive. The titan got a 23. Probably a million. I don't know what about a Gundam makes you think it's timid. Gundam. Um, Dan, your turn. Rod Swell. It is my turn. Um, okay. At this point I'm going to move. Let me pull up my cursor here. I get to move five. One, two, three, four. Okay. Uh, actually I can move one more. Isn't that like higher ground or uneven ground or something? Is it uneven ground? Yeah. The one with the arrows, yeah. Oh, okay. So is that like two for every one?

Um, that reduces your movement speed to two while on it. Okay, then I'll just go a different route. One... Oh, this whole area? This whole black area? Just any time you see those little arrows, those little arrows, that's difficult terrain. Okay. I was wondering what those were. Yeah, yeah. I should have explained that. I am sorry. It's okay. Okay, I forget. One, two, three, four, five. Um, okay, I'm here. I don't really have anything good ranged, but, um... You could move again. I could. Let's put our priest out in front of all these... Yeah, I just don't want to get too close.

That's my only problem here. You can move off to the right, so then... I can help people get good. Thankful need even in this encounter. Yeah, let me just back up here away from the rough terrain and I'll stay right there for now. You moved up, then back. Well, I got away from the rough terrain. I was heading behind the rough terrain, so... Right. Uh, and it's the Titan's turn. God. So while this thing is big and impressive and intimidating, you notice something right off the bat about him. What's that? He is slow and lumbering and cumbersome. Uh, so he is gonna...

You stupid ass. One, two, three, four, five. Not very slow. Um, I didn't say he was very slow. I mean, he is slow to, like, he kind of like stomps forward. We're polite and we'll wait for him to get up here. Uh, and he's gonna move one more time. Two, three. Right up to Ironhide. And that'll be... Okay, so Redguard number four. Um... Oh, he didn't attack. Nice. Uh, no he didn't. Not that time. One, two, three, four, five, six. Six. And he is... Hmm. Heh heh heh. Uh, he's gonna move another six right up to... The hell? Yeah, right up to Rodswell here. And that's gonna bring up Redguard Patrol Captain.

Uh, one, two, three... What the fuck? I like the sound effects of this. Yes, that was him moving. He transformed into a jerk-off motorcycle. Ran five spaces and then got back up. Yeah. And transformed again. Takes a while. This episode brought to you by Transformers. In jerk-offs on motorcycles. And, yes. Let's wait for that turn. Uh, he is going to use... Uh, Fiery Warhammer. Uh oh. Uh, so this thing's carrying a nice meaty hammer with it. Uh, he's gonna swing at, uh, Rodswell. And that's a thirty-three... Oh, it's a crit! Well, lucky us. Fiddle dee dee. Guess what happens?

Murderous robots are very murderous. [Laughter] Um... Yeah, hey. Hi. Mike, are you... You're getting hit by... Did it say I lost connection? No. Oh. I don't know, somebody can hear you guys for a little while, so... Oh. Okay. I don't know what that was, but I reconnected and I'm fine, so... Okay, sorry about that. You're getting hit by a robot right now. You got nailed. Awesome. Great, I wasn't even there. I got nailed. Uh, that's gonna be... You weren't even there to defend yourself. And you had those hands on. [Laughter] Uh, that's 14 damage right off the bat, then I get to roll a D6 because it was a crit.

An extra three. Alright, so the Redguard Captain just hits you for 17 damage. Jesus Christ, am I connection? Motherfucker. He hits you so hard you lost connection on your side. [Laughter] Oh, what happened? [Laughter] It's not even raining or anything. Now I'm just imagining Rod's ball flickering and then we figure out we're not just in the future, we're characters in a video game. [Laughter] Oh, this took an awesome turn. This just turned into dot hack. Rod's ball got hit so hard he glitched. [Laughter] Uh, Malchus, your turn. Uh, moving one, two, three, four, five, six, and I will do...

That's Eldritch Bolt on Redguard Patrol Captain. Already? Uh, D20 plus open math show there. Um, plus one because I was quick. And so plus 12. 31 will hit. Yes. It will hit anything but his reflex. Yeah, you pick. His reflex specifically. Yes, totally. 20 damage. Wowza. That is excellent. That's some good damage. And he says, "I will show you inferior creatures." Uh, Thoril, your turn. Um, I will Saunter up to the big mech guy. Good choice. So I will probably just beef him. Big beef. Um, melee basic attack. Oh wow. I get a lot extra added on there. Uh, D20 plus 13, 22 versus AC.

That'll miss. Yeah. Look at him, his AC is going to be incredible. Uh, just because, like, um, shit, where is it? Uh, Heroic Effort to give me a plus four. That'll hit. Alright, good. I want to start off strong. Uh, so that gets me... Sorry, I'm looking for the D8s real quick. Uh, 2D8 plus 11, 18. 18 damage. Good start. Alright, then my offhand. D20 plus 13, 30. Uh, 30 will hit. I think that hits. Your offhand always hits harder for some reason. I don't know why. 2D6 plus 11, 19 damage. 19 damage. I forgot I could just type this in instead of click click click. Uh, 19 damage to the titan.

Alright. That's an excellent start. You all done? Mm-hmm. Draconis, your turn. Alright, I'm going to use Fireball here. Oh my god. This does damage to each creature. That's everybody. I know, but I got this here. Alright, it does burst three within 20 squares. So, one, two, three, four, five, six. Alright, this is where I'm going to be putting it right there. And it's going to do three each way, correct? Yes. Alright, so basically it's going to be like that right there. Yes. Okay, I see. Okay, so that's what I'm doing. I'm rolling a D20. Okay, let's go down the list.

So, that's a D20 plus what? Uh, 10. Okay, D20 plus 10. We'll start with the captain and work our way down. Captain. Alright, captain first. And 25. That'll hit. Red guard number one. Red guard number one, roll. 27. That'll hit. Red guard number two. 28. That'll hit. Titan. Titan, here it goes. Big, big. Oh yeah, 24. That'll miss. What? That'll miss. Wow. No, 25. We got to roll a 25. That'll miss. What about a plus one for him being quick on his attack? I thought he included the head. I did not. I did not, no. So, 24 plus one is 25. That'll miss. So, 26 is the Titans AC. I know you're not going to tell us.

I'm telling these guys. I'm just, I know you're not going to say anything. I'm just letting them know. Alright, so. Hits is 4D6. Okay. Alright, so we'll run down, yeah, well that's just the damage these three are going to get. So, you did hit three of them. That's fantastic. Yeah. Alright, so 4D6 plus six. Okay, that's my damage. Alright, so this is for the captain first, right? No, it just is flat. Whatever you roll, it's going to hit all of them. Oh, okay. Yeah. 15. That's not bad. 15 damage, man. That's all three targets, though. Oh, okay. That works. Not bad at all, man.

That's something to be proud of. I'm proud of you. Yeah. Thanks, guys. You didn't have to summon anything or anything. That's fantastic. That's my next turn. I'm summoning the X-Men, everyone. The X-Men. Jarek, your turn. Oh, did you want to move or anything, Draconis? Nope, nope, I'm good. Okay, go ahead, Jarek. You are standing in front of this giant titan. This thing is about 12 feet tall. Sucker looks mean. I'm going to use Green Flame Blade. Okay. 25. That'll miss. But I had that plus one because I was... Okay, roll the plus one in for now on. 26 will hit him.

Alright. And damage is 17. 17 is very admirable. I'll stay where I am. Okay. Redguard number one's turn. He is going to take his swing against... He's going to take his swing against Rodswell. Sorry. Sorry about that. Oh, how did he get close to me? That's what I'm trying to... wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, I moved. You moved one when you said four, I believe. Yep, that's what I did. My bad. So four should be... one, two, three, four. So he should be up here and one should be back here. I'm sorry. One is going to move... two, three, four... five. Jesus Christ. And he's going to take his scimitar.

All of these standard looking warforges, not the Captain or the Titan, they all carry these large red-bladed scimitars. Sexy. It's pretty sexy. They know how to accessorize. I enjoy their uniformality. He's going to do something called Savage Sweep. Yeah. Jesus. I understand the Titan is sexy, guys, but I could really use help over here. Let's get started stomping him. Yeah. Were you told you were running, Priest? I didn't! I'm the Priest! I'm the Priest. I'm the front line. 21 versus AC. Yep. Jesus Christ. Okay. Who's going to heal you? Nobody! That's why I didn't...

That's D8 plus six. That's eight damage. That's not that bad. You did run up front, though. He was first! And that will bring up... Who's next here? Redguard number three. He will... one, two, three, four, five, six... and then move once again... one, two, three, four... up to Malkus in the back. And that will bring up Yenward. Okay, I am going to move down here to the Titan, because I can't get to you, Dan. I'm sorry. And I'm going to try to crack his shell. 30. Nice. That will hit. It most certainly will. Now time for me to roll 4d10. Is this the Stormrender's debut strike?

Is this the first hit? It is. Do I get to add an extra one to my plus seven? Yes. Well, that was to the attack. You hit the shit out of it, so not the damage, but the attack. Alright, then. I think I'm going to do enough damage anyway. That's fine. 30. 30, yes. Now, Crack the Shell also does what? The target takes an ongoing five damage and a negative two penalty to AC until he saves... Yeah, I still rolled the save. Okay, you have bloodied the Titan. Fucking smacked him right in the face with my new axe. What is that? A negative two to AC... until saves and... ongoing five damage.

And ongoing five. Okay, I got that labeled, so I will not forget. And that will bring up the top of the order again, which is Rodswell, who is surrounded by Warforged. So I can't move at this point or else every single one of these motherfuckers is going to be able to attack me. You can shift once. Your boss gave me the weapon. What? I mean, you could back up to the rocks. Like, you could back up onto those rocks. Is that uneven terrain or what? No, there's no arrows. No arrows. You said the only ones that had arrows. Okay, I'm going to use Dark Speech first on number four right in front of me here.

It's a d20 plus five, and then I guess I get the six because I'm speedy. So that's 21. 21 versus... we'll do Fortitude first. Does it beat his Fortitude? 21, it does beat his Fortitude. Okay, so he falls prone. Does it beat his Reflex? It does beat his Reflex. Then he grants combat advantage until the end of my next turn. Okay. And does it hit his will? It does hit his will. Then I push him back up to his speed. Okay, and he is flicked backwards, cartwheeling over a bush and landing somewhere back into this field. And I say, "Back up, motherfucker!" And then I back up one space too.

Okay. Get back! And then I look around me real shifty-eyed because I don't trust nobody anymore. Hey, I burned a couple of them. I burned a couple of them. I know. I like how you grabbed your cloak, or you grabbed your robe and sprinted as hard as you could, and then ran left and then jumped by all these guys. He juked left next to the surface. That's what I understand, Justin. We've established it was a dumb move. Okay, I didn't have much I could have done at that point, and I was trying to get away from the rough terrain. Because if you guys were in trouble, I didn't want to be behind a bunch of shit.

So I thought, "I'll get up there somewhere around the front, but I won't be right there." And then everyone else stayed back. So that's all it was. I understand. You were mad at my left. Thank you, Martyr Longbottom. Do you want to say anything else? Do you want to point out how terrible of a move it was before we move on? I was just saying, we would have moved over there to you, but this guy just like, "Hey guys, what you doing?" Let's continue with this fight. This is just like every time the move stops, it suddenly turns into a conversation about how I made a terrible move in the first round.

I thought it was a good move. Relax, relax. We've got a long way to go, guys. Sickly, I'm jealous of your move. Not if I keep hitting these rovers like I did the Titan. Alright, whose turn is it? The Titan's turn, and you have bloodied him. What he's going to do is... Spewing everywhere. Yes, he is leaking coolant. What he's going to do is rear back and use a little move called Rampage. After he leans back, he shifts all of his weight forward and kind of puts his shoulder and starts charging across the battlefield. And he's going to charge three spaces. And that's here, here, and here.

Oh my. Yeah. So what he's done is he's put his shoulder down and barreled right through Ironhide, Thoril, and Yenward. You guys are not prone. Yeah, I knew it. Oof. And now I think both me and Malkus are flanked. And then he's going to make an attack after he gets here, which is a close burst to all enemies in the burst. He's going to extend both arms outward and just twirl around. Jeez. A walking blender. That's three people going to get hit. That's all of us going to get hit. That's all of you. That's D20 plus 15. Versus which defense? This would be versus AC.

He'd be hitting his own guy, wouldn't he? As well. One of those guys would be caught in that blast. Enemies in the burst. Oh, enemies. So these Warforged know their own tactics, so when he starts that switch, they're going to dock. So they just dock. Yeah, they know. Hit the deck. He's like, "Oh shit," and they get down. They know what's up. So I'm going to run right down the thing here. Malkus, 21 versus your AC. Oh my gosh, he misses. Hey, that's your new armor there. Draconis, 34 versus you. Aw, yeah. Roswell, 35. Can I use my shield right now? Oh my god, Christ me, god damn it.

I have an immediate interrupt. Shut up, Draconis, I'm critting over here. I'm trying to save you. Hold on. Immediate interrupt. That's my shield. It says, "When you were hit by an attack." My shield, it says, "You gained +4 bonus." Never mind, that's not going to help. Okay, you got critted. Okay, let's keep track of this. Malkus was missed. Draconis was hit. Roswell was critted. 24 to Yenward. That hits. Okay, and Thoril, 16. Yes! Crit miss. Critical miss. And Ironhide, 20 AC. Alright, so let's roll damage for... So we hit the deck as well. It's like, "Oh, shit." So, Yenward, Roswell, and...

You don't have to roll damage for me, it was a crit. No, you're not going to like this either. Don't cry for me, I'm already dead. I'm dead, yeah. It's 3d12+7. What? That's 42 damage. I'm dead. No way. Well, you're knocked out. You're down, you're not dead. Well, I'm knocked out, yeah. How much is it, 47? Quick, ask your orb to save you. He's in the hole by 15. And nobody has any healing powers. We can still pour potion down your throat. Yeah, you're fine. Do you still have the potion? I have crystal clear water. True. You guys have that. But I thought you guys, in the last one, I thought it was established that it could only be used for the person carrying it.

I never used my potion. If you're next to somebody, you can pour it down their throat. It can't just be like, "I need the potion and it's mine now." Like, you have to be either next to someone or carrying it yourself. I can sort it at your head. And hope you drink it. Okay, let's sort this out firstly. Let's see how much damage Draconis is taking. 27. Okay. So, 27 damage. And, Yanward, how much are you taking? 21. Lucky me. That barely puts a dent in Yanward. His massive 73. Redguard number four's turn. He is going to march upward here. There. I'm sorry. This is a safe place.

Sorry. No one's going to get that listening. Is that just a curse to me? Only the people who listen to everything on the network and this. Which is probably like 10% of the people. You can't tell me everyone wasn't thinking that when that thing dropped. Like I suggested. Okay. Uhhh. What the fuck was I doing? Sorry, yes. Redguard number four. Ummm. I don't know what he's doing, but he doesn't get his... He moved up, right? He just moved up? No, he doesn't. Yes, he did just move up. He'd like to extend an olive branch? Wait, he was prone. Doesn't he have to spend his movement?

Oh god, you're right! He was knocked back. Yes, you're right. He stands up and then uses his movement action to move up here. [laughs] So, yes. Then Redguard... Let's see here. The patrol captain... Uhhh. What is he going to do? He is going to move here. Uhhh. And then he's going to use Mending Flash Fire. It's a close burst five, targets enemies. Eleven plus reflex. He's going to target Draconis. Makes sense. And that's a D20+11. Uhhh. 24. 24 will hit. Yeah. That's... That is versus... He can switch defense. Reflex. Either one, it hits. I would imagine that hits pretty much everything on Draconis.

He's got fairly... Yeah. So that's going to be a 1d8+4. This is fire damage. That's nine damage and... Let's see here. There's a little end. Uhhh. The Warforged, Ample Priest and each ally within the burst gains five temporary hit points. So every one of these Warforged get five temporary hit points. I'll adjust that while Redguard number two makes his turn. He is going to move... He's going to charge at Yenward. Oh. And do... It's called a Wild Charge. This average charge gains a plus three bonus to AC during the charge. And makes the following attack in place of a melee basic attack.

It's a D20+11. And that's a 23. Against my AC? Yes. Yep. So that'll hit you and that's 2d8+9. 24. Cool. So while I'm adjusting all of these... Whose turn is it? It's Malchus' turn. Go ahead. I'm bloody. Okay. Minor action Emerald Shield. So my AC and reflex go up by two each. Okay. I will provoke from Redguard three to move. Alright, so he gets to make a melee basic attack. One second here. That's a D20+10. 22. That'll miss. Okay. Okay, now I move so I'm in flanking position with the Titan. And then... Soul Eater. +1 for Thinking Quickly, +1 for Bloodied Foe. Yeah, just those two bonuses.

So swinging at +15. Alright. 29 versus AC. That'll hit. Awesome. D12+12. 17 damage. 17 is respectable. Is it standing? Yes it is. Action point. Blazing Doom of the Void. I will be swinging at +17 because the Soul Eater hit. Okay. And your +1 for Moving Quickly. I added that. Okay. This'll be versus Fortitude unfortunately, but worth a shot. 29 versus Fork. That will hit. Kick is ideal. 2d12+12. That's a lot of 12. 24 Fire and Necrotic damage. Okay, you lay into this thing. And it reels back and plants its foot backwards to catch its balance. And then rights itself and just kind of glares at you.

Its eyes just glow. And that's all you want to do? You have action point, you've done everything. Alright, it's up for the rest of you now. Thoril, your turn. Well with the Fortitude and Thinking Quickly, melee basic attack, that gives me a +16. Shit. That will miss. Balls. Well, I'm trying to see if there's literally anything else I can do right this second. Action point. Did you include your flanking bonus? Yes. Okay. Action point. I'll pop my action point then. Wait, does he get flanking bonus? Try it again. Yeah, because they're not going to... Oh, he's swinging at the Titan.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'll pop an action point and try it again. Alrighty. Oh, good lord, please hit. God damn it. 24 will miss. Oh, man. That sucks. Good lord, please hit. That, I never heard plenty of stuff. Alright, you guys, for the record, it has happened on this day in history, Thoril did have a bad record. He just came back to us, so... Bad time to do it. I'm still rusty. You put yourself together. Mr. Conus, your turn. Alright, I'm going to be doing my fire burst, and this is to each, uh... Ooh, that's a creature. I'm going to do, I'm going to do fire shroud. Okay.

Close burst, three. So, does that mean from me? Three each way? Mm-hmm. Yes. Alright. So, that's basically, like, right here. Oh my god. Alright, and this is each enemy, so it doesn't affect anybody else. Oh. Alrighty. Alright, it is, this is plus four, this is towards fortitude. Alright, so we'll start with the titan, might as well. Alright, start with the titan, and... 30. 30 will hit the titan, and we'll go right down. Redguard number three. Number three. Ooh, that's low. That'll miss. Yeah. Patrol captain. Captain, 27. That'll hit. Redguard number one. Number one, 13, no.

That'll miss, and redguard number two. 24. That'll hit. Good job. Beautiful, alright. 1d8 plus six. This is my damage, oh, and this is five ongoing fire damage, by the way. Does that stack on my ongoing five with the titan? Yes. Nice. Till he saves out of each one of them. Alright, so here we go, damage is... oh, plus six, now five. Eleven. Okay, eleven damage to everything, alright. And now after I do that, can I move now, or... Mm-hmm, you can shift. I can shift one, right? Okay. Yeah. Okay. What's gonna happen now is... The titan, after you've struck the patrol guard, the captain...

Yeah. Mm-hmm. He is going to stomp over these rocks and move three spaces over here and take half of that damage for the patrol captain. Really? Yes. Oh, wow. Yes. So, the titan itself took... we'll round that up, so that's six out of the eleven, and then the... So, seventeen to the... okay. You know what, I'm okay with that. Worst things have happened. And next up is Ironhide. Oh, I want to shift one real quick. Oh, okay. I'm just gonna move away, there we go. That's a good idea. Okay, I'm gonna use... Geass of Assault on two. On Redguard two. Okay. One, two, three, four, five.

Now we attack number four. Green flame blade. Now... Ten. Seventeen. Now miss. And I'm done. Okay. Thank you. Next up is Redguard one. Justin sounds kind of broken up, does it sound like that to anybody else? Yes, he's coming in and out. Am I coming in and out? No. You're out. Every now and then you are, to me. That's weird. Alright, we'll just muscle through it right now and after this... You want me to hang up and call back in? You can try, yeah sure. Okay, I'm back. Okay, say a little something. Say a little something, huh? You sound... Yeah, that's not great. What we'll do is we'll wrap up this combat and then we'll...

It might be Skype acting up, I don't know. We'll wrap up this combat and we'll all take a break and I'll reset our router on this side just to make sure. Okay, cool. Okay. So, next up is Redguard number one. He is going to advance... One, two, three, to Draconis. I don't like this. He's going to use a wild charge at you, so he's charging towards you. Okay. D20+11, that's a crit. Awesome. Okay, so that's 16+9. So yeah. Okay, so... Yeah, okay. So you're down to zero, like, off the bat. Okay, that's good. So that's 25 and you're knocked out. And Redguard number three.

Where's my... He's going to do a charge at Malkus and it's going to be the same thing. D20+11. 17. That won't do shit. Which brings up Yanward. Alright, I am going to walk over here to the captain. You're disengaging from... Are you going to take the opportunity to attack? What do you mean? You were right in front of two. Oh, well no, I'm not going to do that. I'll stick with two of them. Okay. And I'm going to use Reaping Strike, which is a D20+14. 24. That'll hit. Nice. And the... Shit, where did that go? Sorry about that. A 2D10+7. 19. 19. That's a nice hit. That's good.

Solid. It's a meeting. Anything else? No, I'm good. Wait, can I shift back without him hurting me? Sure. Cool. I'm going to get the fuck away from now. Oh, Yanward. I'm sorry, Roswell, your turn. Yes. Saving throw, correct? Yes. Sorry, you broke a couple. Was that the last thing you said? Yes. Okay, what do I do first? I didn't roll. I haven't... Just a flat D20. Yeah, just roll a D20. 7. Okay, that's one strike. Mm-hmm. And... Let's get married. Yeah, Titan's turn. He is going to... Wait, have I acted... Oh, wait, no. Okay, I see. His jump in front of the captain thing was a reaction of some kind.

Yes. Okay. Then get down, Mr. President. Yeah. Olympus has fallen. He is going to march towards Ironhide, and he is going to use his Great Axe attack. 34. Uh... That's... Yeah. So... Let's do 2d12 plus 5. He's doing a saving throw? Oh, that's the end of his turn. 19 to Justin. Yeah. So Ironhide takes 19 damage. And then I'm going to roll a saving throw right now for... First of all, for the fire. So, good. I'm good on the fire. And I'm rolling a saving throw on the Crack the Shell. I didn't, so I still take 5 ongoing damage each turn with the Titan. Suck on that, Titan.

Redguard number 4. He is also going to take a swing with his Scimitar at Ironhide. Bring it! I heard that. I was about to say, yeah, let me mute that. Uh, d20 plus 10. That was frightening. 19 is going to miss. Not enough. And now you're choking to death. The Redguard patrol captain is going to move up in between you guys. In between Draconis and... Good God. Draconis and Mampus. Jerome. Jerome. And he is going to use... Let's see here. He's going to use Fiery Warhammer on Draconis. Wait, what? He can still hit me when I'm down? Oh, you're not, you're down. I'm sorry, Mampus.

And yes he could, actually. He could actually, he could. But that would just be mean at this point. d20 plus 13 to Mampus. 30. Oh, he rolled a 30. Okay. Yes. Yes, he hits me. Once you finish out the damage for that, I have an immediate reaction. Alright. I believe I'm going to take 10 damage as a result of... That math is... Correct. Awesome. You take 10 damage too. So we'll trade business cards. Now does that mean the Titan is going to come up and take 5 of that damage? No, he has to be within a certain proximity and he's got to be in the right mood and he's got to be romanced.

Redguard number 2 is going to take a... He's going to shift forward and take a swing at Yenward. When do I get to catch him my Juice of Assault? Because he's attacking somebody that's not me. When did you assign him? I put that on him before I took the Green Flame Blade swing before I ever missed. Save me, Jared. Tango. Go ahead then. Fine. That was 17 more. And that missed. Yeah, alright, cool. Sorry. I had to do it. Somebody else is dead. Boy, Skype's still being a bitch tonight, huh? Scimitar attack. D20+10 to Yenward. 20, that'll miss. Alright. Yes, it certainly will.

Malchus, your turn. Okay. I am gonna stay right where I am and be chasing. Let's do... Oh, that's right, I can Infernal Wrath twice per battle now. That's right. Kill that fucking captain. Just fucking kill him. Yeah, he's bloodied. I'm gonna give it a shot. Alright, my Soul Eater is D20+13. One more for thinking quickly. So 14. 32. That'll hit everything and anything. I deal an additional 5 damage because... Wait, no, no, he was not my... Infernal... no, Blazing Doom. Oh, against the target. Okay, no +5 damage. Bummer. D12+12. 14. 14 damage. And I'm gonna stay where I am.

Oh, okay. 'Cause fighting dudes. And... Thoril, your turn. Oh, crap. Sorry. I think we're gonna die here. This is not looking great. Thoril has full HP. I really... man, I wanna shift and take that titan, but I can't. Alright, well, I guess I'll just do melee basic on the two. Do you have anything that'll make number two shift anywhere? I'm gonna do this because I need to move when it's my turn to save Duncan. The only things I got for shifting pertain to me. Well, I'll say this. If anybody does move, even though he will attack you, Ironhide gets an attack as well, so...

Okay, great. So I'm thinking maybe I should... Okay. Would it be... should I try to kill him, like at least get something on him now, or should I shift, let him attack me, have Ironhide attack him, and then go after the titan? Okay, I see. I mean, you might as well just... I don't know. Take him out, dude. Like, he's an enemy too. Alright. I figured I'd try to get rid of the bigger one. Just... alright. I mean, it's not up to me. I don't... I just, you know. I'll just do melee basic attack on two, then. Uh, 24. 24, hit. Alright, 28. And... 11. 19. 19 damage. And... offhand...

He is bloodied. 32. 32, hit. Finished. 2d6 and 11. 22. 22. Offhand always hits harder. See? That's a lot easier. Wow. Psh, ow. Alright, you all done? *sigh* Yeah. Alright. Draconis, make a saving roll. Alright. Flat T20. Ooh, eight. Good. You're stabilized, nothing happens. Nice. Uh, Jerick, your turn. It's my turn already? Yep. Holy poop. I'm gonna use Green Fine Bite. 31. 31 hits. Okay. Okay. Now I'm gonna use damage on him. Jrock perfectly fine. This... this is gonna be the end of us. 21. Uh, he's dead. I killed him. Wow. That took a lot just to take one out. Uh... Alright, somebody else does stuff.

You wanna move or anything, or are you good? No, no, I'm fine. Okay. And Red Guard number one. Don't you have a potion too you could give him? No, but you know what, I'm gonna just go right here, so... Okay. No further away. Gotcha. Well, right now, so if they move towards one of us, we can just come in. Like before, I blocked them from coming over there. Right, right, right. I gotcha. I gotcha. Uh... Red Guard number one... Metal Uno. He's gonna shift... He's gonna move, or not shift, but move there. And shift his pack. Malchus. Yeah, he's gonna use a Scimitar. Uh, so that's a D20 plus 12.

Eh, 14. Oof. Nothing! Malchus tanks! And Red Guard number three. He's gonna do the same thing. 27. Uh, okay, okay, that one hits. I will... Oh wait, I only get one... Have I acted since I, um, did that extra damage to that one guy? What, the, the Emerald Shield? The Emerald Shield damage? Yeah, you've had, you've had a turn since then, I believe. Cool! I zapped this guy with the same thing. Alright, he, again, 10 damage. Yes. Did he take fire? Fire damage? Who? On you go, uh, three. Oh, uh, ooh, actually, yeah, let me give him his fire damage too, and he's gotta save.

One took fire damage. I didn't roll saving throw, though. Sure. So, hold on a second. Let me give him his 10 damage. 15 damage, actually. Nice. And let me let him roll... There's one, and... 17, so he's fine, and one can roll his seven, so he's still taking. And that'll bring up Ynward! Yes, I'm gonna mosey on over here and pour my potion down Duncan's throat. I mean Rodswell's throat. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, whoa, now. Elizabeth, I'm coming. Swell. Too soon, too soon. Uh, so that'll be your minor action. Yes. And, uh, he returns with, uh, 10 hit points? Yes, 10 hit points.

And 10. Okay, wait, that brought him up to zero. Hold on a second, that should have brought him up to 10. Boom, okay. That's awesome. Good job. Rodswell reawakens, and Ynward, you still got an action to take? I can't attack, can I? Sure. Would I be able to move up to this captain here and attack him? You've already moved, but remember, you can throw this axe. Oh, okay. And you do have an encounter power. I'm throwing that axe. So, Stormrender comes with a number of awesome little things. If you crit, it deals 2d8 extra lightning damage. Cool. You can throw this fucker like Thor, and it'll return to your hand.

That's also very cool. Now, the throwing range isn't extreme. It's 6/12, so you take, uh, anything over six spaces, you're gonna take a bit of a, like a negative to your attack roll. But within six spaces, it acts just like if you're using a bow and arrow. I mean, you can just throw this axe at someone. Now, the attack for that is your standard melee. But if you choose to use an encounter power, then it'll, you roll the attack for everybody in a burst 2, from where that axe lands. And if you hit them, it deals two weapon damage, yeah, two weapon damage plus ten.

Wait, so, that's only if I use the encounter power. Okay, and that could be a danger to our already injured teammates. It only hurts enemies. It only hurts what? Enemies? Okay, I'm gonna do that. Okay. How many people would it hit over here? Well, let's see, if you threw it at the captain, it would hit everybody over here. I'm gonna do that. Okay, so. But you said only enemies. It wouldn't hit Malkus. It won't hit, nope, it won't hit Malkus. Let's, uh, let's do... Kinda like the mech thing, where they know how to, they know to duck too. Let's do that. I'm already ducking, I'm laying on the ground. [Laughter] So, uh, what you do is, that is, let me look that up just to make sure.

That is a, oh, your standard melee, when you throw it. Okay. So you're throwing it at the captain. Melee base attack, that's D20 plus 13. Okay. And I get to add an extra one, because I was quick about that. You were. 32. 32 will hit the captain. So, now, what that does is, it buries itself in his chest. And he falls prone. Yes. Go ahead and roll damage. I most certainly will do that now. [Laughter] 2D10 plus 7. Shusho. 13. Uh, 13 damage. And you're gonna pop that in counter power, you said? Yes. Okay, so, now, um, when you threw this weapon, and it hit him in the chest, this loud clap of thunder just filled the area.

Like this huge rolling clap of thunder. That's awesome. Uh, and a lightning strike is called down on this guy. And just erupts in that general area. So, go ahead and roll another attack roll, same thing, the D20 plus 13. And we'll start with red guard number 1 and work our way down. D20 plus 14 goes fast? Yes. 20. That'll miss him. And the captain again? 19. That'll miss him. And 3. 29. That'll hit him. Good. And then go ahead and roll damage again. No, I'm, yeah, D20 plus 7, yep, it's the same thing either way. Uh, D2, 2D10 plus 7? 2D10 plus 7. Gotcha. 14. And that's gonna hit that one, so, there you go.

Pretty productive turn, I think. And the axe removes itself from the red guard patrol captain's chest and returns to your hands. I'm back in the hand. That was pretty, uh... That was pretty, uh... Tom's aroused. Um... Rodswell, your turn! Okay, uh, immediately, hold on, make sure I'm muted, okay, um... Immediately I'm using healing word on me, uh, it is a healing surge plus 2D6. Uh, I can't roll because Skype just came up because someone typed something. Uh, okay, sorry. Um, so it's a healing surge plus, uh, you fucking, it's a 4, so... Well, you get plus 4, so there, there you go.

You're at 14 now. Well, it was a healing surge plus 4. Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I am very sorry. One healing surge plus 4, so you're up to 28. Yes. Um, I am moving right here, and I am going to use Resurgent... Hello? That's Justin's creaky old fucking haunted house chair. I'll search off. I'll use Resurgent Sun, which is a D20 plus 14, 15, because I'm speedy? Am I speedy enough? Yes, you're speedy. Um, and that is a 29. 29 will hit. Okay, it is a 2D8, um, plus 7, so let's do that. Uh, oh, I didn't use, well, I hit him anyway. Um, 2D8 plus 7 is 19. He's dead. And, uh, also, me or one ally within five squares of me can spend a healing surge, so does that include Draconis?

I believe it would. There you go. Sweet. So, Draconis, I'm assuming you're going to take that offer? Oh, yeah, of course, yeah. And just remember to count your hit points up from 0, not from whatever your negative was. You are at 13. Thank you, sir. No problem. Goatee. Thank you, uh, you're welcome. Uh, Titan's turn. He's going to use Rampage again. Oh, what? And we're all dead. It seems to be on a quest, Matt. Uh, one, two, three. I'm so proud of that. I'm so proud that it failed so bad. What are you talking about? It's here, man. Uh, there we go. Okay, so the Titan moved, and...

Have the rest of us learned that fancy duck motion from this quest? Well, it's only, uh, burst two, so it'll be one, two, it'll just be, uh, Thoril and Ironhide. That's right. Yeah. Rooning against your teammates. That is the way. Alright, what's the, uh... He passed over to Thoril three times to hit me. You stand down on the battlefield. That's awesome, my hammer. That's boring. Uh, we're going to start with Thoril. 25. And Ironhide... 34, yes. Okay. Yeah, it got me. That's 3d12 plus seven. Uh, 29 damage to each of you. Geez. Should've killed that big robot. We can take it.

No, everyone said to go after the smaller one, 'cause he's right there. It was just me, and no one disagreed, so... It was smart. Uh, you guys are both bloody new. Uh, Redguard number four is going to charge. Uh, he's going to charge Ironhide. Boom. Uh, and that'll be a 2d, uh, I'm sorry, not 2d20. Um... That's impressive. D20 plus 11... 28. That's a hit. Uh, and then... I hate to see all this Warforged on Warforged violence. Okay, what's going on? Uh, 2d plus nine. Justin's not in the mood. Yup, knocked down. Knocked down. I'm just saying, like, I just want to get through this, 'cause...

Well, I had to roll anyway. I want to get through some story stuff. And... Bam, you are... The story's going to be that we're going to die. Yeah. And we're fine. Malchus! We're going to be in the obituaries, that's where the story's going to be. Um, okay, so, uh, Draconis hasn't had a moment to move back yet, has he? Um, yeah, that's the first one, that's no good. Uh, ooh, and I missed last time, didn't I? Yes. Okay. Um, none of these guys are dinged up. I don't like being flanked, I like being the flanker. But I can't get that someone to move there. And... Soul Eater.

D20 plus 13... 14 for being expeditious. Good word. Thank you. 25 versus AC. Uh, 25... Uh, that'll hit, of course. Okay. D12 plus 12... I was about to say, what the fuck? Sorry, I zoned out for half a second. 22 damage. 22 damage. Of the necrotic variety. Okay. Uh, and then my minor action... I don't think I have anything to do. That'll be it. Alright. Thoril, your turn. Um, if I just shift, would that, uh... Warforged would still be attacking me, wouldn't it? Uh, which way would you shift? Why are you shifting? I was going to shift right here. No, you're fine. Enough so I could actually attack the, uh...

Oh yeah, you're fine then. Yeah. Okay, cool. Shifting's fine. I'm going to shift over here and I'm going to take a melee basic attack against the titan. Let me add that up. 29! That'll hit. Um, I'm also going to use Power Strike for this, which gives me an extra die for that. So, 3d8 plus 11. Uh, 22. Uh, you bury your axe in its chest and it flails, falls backwards, and goes prone. It is dead. Yeah! Good job. Woo! Right. Uh, it hits the ground with this thunderous earth shaking just boom. Uh, kicks up a lot of dust and dirt too. Uh, are you done? Um, I probably couldn't do an off hand or a move or anything like that.

Um... Not unless you want to hit Ironhide, I'll allow it. Okay, fine. Ow! It just hit this corpse. [Laughter] Oof-un. Okay, Draconis, your turn. Alright, first things first, I'm going to move out of the way here. I'm going to move four this way. And I'm going to use my Fountain of Flame. It's each enemy in the burst. It's burst one within ten squares. So, I'm going to do that right here. I'm guessing like right here, yeah, okay, I thought. Yep, right there. Alrighty. This is for, uh, Reflex. And... Twenty-one, oh, whoever, uh, one I guess? One, we'll start with the top, yeah.

Uh, that'll hit. Okay, uh, actually, that's, okay. I should add one if I, uh, yeah, there we go. And that hits him. Alright, so this is 3d8 plus six for damage. And... eighteen. Eighteen is good, and I believe if they're in that zone, they take a five every turn? Yep, if they're in that little zone right there, yep. Okay. Uh, number three is Bloodied. Nice. Ironhide, your turn. Roll a saving throw. How about a roll saving throw? Sixteen. Okay. I'll take that damage. Nope. Redguard number one. Uh, he's going to take five. Uh... He's going to sidle, he's going to charge at Malkus.

The only one not bleeding? Uh, he's going to try and fix that. Oh shit. Malkus is scared. Twenty-six. That'll hit, he takes ten damage. Okay, okay. Can't just let him have it, huh? Nope. Uh, well you take nineteen. So there. Oh fuck. Alright, now everybody's bleeding. The Alacers. I ain't even bleeding. No, he ain't bleeding yet. He's pretty good. Yeah, he hasn't, yeah there he goes. There we go. Yes, there we go. Everyone's bleeding. Redguard number three is going to use his scimitar attack on Malkus. Uh, twenty, that'll fit. Okay. So that sucks, and moving on. Yanward.

Was that number three you said? Yes. Alright, he took fire damage too for being on square. Oh, yep, yep, you're right. Okie dokie, I am going to, I can walk in this without getting hurt, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're fine. Yeah, it's just enemies. Okay, cool. I'm gonna saddle up onto him, and I am going to. Um, can Yanward possibly get not adjacent to Malkus, so Malkus can you in area attack? Sure, tell me where you want me to go to. Um, can he step over those rocks? Can he just walk right across those? Like that? Can he get to there, Jason? Yeah, that's fine. Okay, cool.

Cool, and D20 plus, boom. That's a 23. 23 will hit. Cool, and 2D10 plus seven. 15. Uh, 15 will kill him. Yeah. Well now it's moot. Cleave him right now. Uh, Rodswell. Okay, uh, Rodswell uses his minor action to give a healing word on Jerrik, plus my 2D6, so he gets a healing surge plus six. Um, and that's my last healing word I can use for this encounter. Uh, hold on a sec, what's the range on healing word? Five. One, two, three, okay. First five. Okay. Uh, that's a six plus his healing surge. Okay. So, we'll do six. Since I did that first, I'm now flanking him. Thank you, you're so strong.

Nicely done. Thank you. Uh, so that is a D20 plus 14 plus two for combat advantage, and I'm also assuming I get the plus one. So that is D20 plus 17. I'm using Sunburst on number four. 34. Oh, that will hit. Nice. That will hit a lot. Okay, uh, it's a 1D8 plus seven, so nothing huge, but 13. Okay. And, um, me and each ally within five squares of me gain five temporary hit points. Alright. And if they have to, if they can, they can make a saving throw, but I don't think anyone has to make a saving throw right now, so. Um, anyone within five squares, so that should cover...

Everyone. Yeah, should cover everybody. Nice. Beautiful. Uh, adjusting that now. Uh, Redguard number four's turn, um, hold on one second, let me give everybody their ten hit points. Man, this is lagging like fucking crazy. I don't know what's up with our internet. Jersey. I guess. Yeah. It's fucking gay. I'm moving to St. Louis. Yeah. Good fun. I'll be your roommate, Jason. Awesome. I'd be happy to have you as a, you're gonna have to listen to my snoring. You're gonna have to listen to what? Fair enough. You're gonna have to kiss. You have to see what Tom dying on a regular basis.

Oh my god. You're gonna have to resuscitate him. As long as it's mouth to mouth. Um. It's that rock and roll lifestyle. Uh, he's gonna use Savage Sweep on both Rotswell and Ironhide. Oh. I'll start with Rotswell. 22. Versus AC, yes. And go to Ironhide. 23. Yep, hits. Okay, so let's roll damage. And eight. Okay. Ow. That's gonna knock us prune, right? No. So after this I vote we don't fuck with Overwatch? Just go home. That's what I'm thinking. Malchus, your turn. You can go with Drax too. Uh, Malchus will shift up and, uh, I think Soul Eater. I think that's what it's gonna be.

Yes. D20 plus 14. This guy's not even bloody, my word. 20 will hit. That'll hit? Yep. Oh, good. Good, good, good. D12 plus 12. 17 necrotic damage. Alrighty. Uh, and if he's still standing I will, um, bup bup bup, that power's called Iron Aspect of Dis. My skin turns to blackened hellish iron. Oh, cool. So I resist damage. Uh, yeah, he's bloody but still standing. I've got this sweet party trick. Thoril, your turn. Sorry, I was... Every time. Shut up. We'll shift back over here and attack 4. Shut up. Okay. I get some of the most boring moves, I got my boring moves back again so it's not like I got a certain thing.

It's like, "Oh, melee basic attack." There you go, 25. Just the most awesome thing ever. There you go, 25. Does that hit? That hits. I'm sure it does. 21 damage. 21 damage is good. I'm sure you want to use an offhand attack now? Yeah, sure. Oh, I guess I'll kill him. Yes, I'll do all the damage again. 32. 32 will hit. Now, let's see, the damage, 20. Uh, 20's good. 20's clean. I like it. You know, if you want to be a vampire again, I know a guy. I'm just saying, I got boring moves now. Uh, Draconis, your turn. Let's make him a werewolf next time. For real. Alright, now blast 5, that means...

Comes out from your hands, like you hold out your hands and you're blasting it out. Gotcha, cool. Pew pew. 1, 2, 3. Alright, I'm going to move up here. And I'm going to do a blast 5, like to hit this guy. Yes. Yes, okay. Um, I'm going to do 20 plus 10, this dude. And, well I guess, plus 11, and boom. 18, this is reflex, that seems low. Uh, on which creature? Uh, 1. 1. 18 on 1 that didn't hit, no. Okay, well it does half damage, so. Half damage, okay. And roll your damage, sir. There it is, 11. 11, uh, so, is... 5. Okay, alright. And next up we got Ironhide! What the hell, I don't want to go.

Alright, I'm going to have to swing at him. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Who, 4? Yes. Okay. I'm going to swing at number 4. 29. 29 will hit. Okay, then I'm going to swing at him. Could do the damage. Let's do the deej. Like muttering to himself. Yeah. Everything fucking resets, so. 10, 16. Uh, 16. And 16 damage, okay. That it for you? Yes. Redguard number 1, he's going to take a Scimitar and take a swing at Malkus. And D20 plus 10, 19, that'll miss. Um, memorable shield. Oh, attacks me, okay. I don't have to be hit, I just have to be attacked. So you're hitting him with 10?

Yes. Wow. That's, I'm getting my mileage out of that daily. You certainly are. Uh, Ynward, your turn. Yeah, okay. Where am I? Okay, here I am. I'm going to saunter up to number 1 here. And I am going to cleave him. Which is the same as my, every other basic attack I have. Just sounds cool. Um, D20 plus 14, cause it's fairly quick. 20. Uh, that'll hit. Oh yeah. Alright. 2d10 plus 7. 2d10 plus 7. Turn him up. Shh, crack it out. 15. Uh, 15 will kill him. Nice. So, he dead. Cleave him right in half. Uh, so just sparks and fucking oil and everything go everywhere and he falls prone.

Rodswell, your turn. I'm going to use Tyrion Brand on number 4. That is a D20 plus 14 plus 2 plus 1. Roll it. 36. Jesus Christ, yes. Um, and I get a 1d8 plus 7. Damage. 7. Ok, roll it. And that's 10 damage. 10, ok. Admirable. And he's blind. Seriously? Yes. Me? Uh, well it's his turn. Uh, and he is shocked to discover he can't see anything. It's malfunction. Uh, I believe that gives him what, a negative 2 penalty to his swings? Crap, you're going to make me look up blindness. Rob? Uh, I think minus 5 penalty to attack rolls. Ok. They basically treat all opponents as though they're fully obscured.

Ok, so negative 5. Ok, that makes more sense than negative 2. Um, he's going to do a savage sweep. Uh, so that's a d20 plus 5 instead of a d20 plus 10 and he's going to swing at all three of you. So starting with, uh, Rotswell. 13, miss. Jerick. 12, miss. Miss. Thoril. 14, miss. Nice. So he twirled around and looked like an asshole. And now it's Malchus' turn. Ok, he also grants combat advantage. That's the other penalty for being blind. Ok. Marko. He swung around viciously. Did I kill you? Yes, we're dead. Every, let me paint a picture for everyone who can't see this.

Everything on the battlefield is bloodied. Everyone. Everything. The enemies, the player characters, the trees, everything. Time to paint the town red. He's blind and twirling around. I get it, you're right. This was a hit. Totally had to hit one of you. Ok, so I do have enough movement to get that thing. Rob, this soul's just going "Oh, ah no." Soul Eater. D20 plus 13. And he's bloodied 14. My favorite Hall of Noat's Stone. You got to take a combat advantage. That's right, so 16. Oh my god. Sorry, 17. I promise that's all. Just roll two D20s and call it a day, Rob.

Jesus. I probably still missed. 22 hits. Oh, ok. D20 plus 12. No, D12 plus 12. For damage, 15. That will kill him. Yes. Yay. Wow. And because you got the last kill on the battlefield and it's your birthday, Rob, I'm going to give you a little XP bump. Whoa. You can see that in your paycheck next week. Now how are you going to move all these giant robots out of the room? Oh, I was going to say, Thor, your turn, but that doesn't make any sense. Alright. That's why you tell them. Thor, all your responsibility. Clean this shit up. Should we check this? 17 years, nothing changes.

Checking the dead bodies, any loot? Yes. I would like to loot the most important one, the captain. I would like to do a perception check on the artwork on him, the red artwork on him. And I'd like to ride the Titan to Winterhaven like a sled. Oh, I see what you're saying now. That's good. Who has a good perception? Not this guy. I think you have the best perception in Insight. Ok, plus 8, I suppose then. What's his passive perception? I was going to say, passive of 18, so why don't we just do that. There you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The marks almost appear to be like tribal tattoo type of stuff.

It's decorating all of their black leather armor. It's all the same, you do notice that. Each and every one of them have the same decorations on them, which you can make out to be a uniform. The captain is the only one who looks slightly different than everyone else, but only in design. His uniform is the same, he's a little more slender, and as you saw in the battlefield, he had some sort of... He can inspire fervor or heal his compatriots there. And of course the Titan, obviously, the Titan stands out. Ok. Here's an idea. Perhaps we should pack one of these red scimitars with us.

Maybe we can try to pass Jerick off as one of them later if we need to. Can't hurt. Good thinking. Yes. Can we do that, Jason? You totally can. You could strip one of these guys down for their armor too, if you'd like. Yeah, that's not a terrible idea. Let's stash this in Jerick's bag. I bet we should get... I bet we should get Jerick, because my armor is poop. Let's be specific. Let's not do the captain. Why don't we do one of the lesser guys? Because passing him off as a captain might be harder than passing him off as one of the grunts. So... Yeah. Ok. But what's the captain's armor for the...

Now, he's not putting it on right now, because we're heeding the warning from Icebreaker not to wear red. But we just have it with us. But the armor he can put on, right? Well, the armor is decorated with all the red shit. Oh! Ok. Well, drag the captain with us and pull a weekend of burnies. Is there anything else of interest on any of them? Like, would we loot them? Will we get... Um, there's one thing. Yenward, you are standing closest to where the captain had fell. You have another axe. You're gonna glue that axe to your other axe and... Hey, dog, I heard you like axes.

You're extremely potent. Uh... Superstorm, right? Uh, Yenward, go ahead and make an acrobatics check. Oh, cool. Acrobatics, I'm actually pretty high. What? I quit. I was high enough. Uh, d20 plus three? I'm sorry. Wait, yeah, acrobatics. Ok. Um, ok. From the... Wait, I haven't... What do I roll, sir? Oh, it's d20 plus three. Ok, roll. 12. Fuck. 12, ok. Uh, from the... Uh, the chest of the, uh, the captain. Uh, this small robotic winged creature kind of sprouts forth. And it looks kind of like, um, kind of like a metallic bat almost. And it springs forth from the chest and takes flight into the air.

Uh, Yenward takes a swipe at it to try and grab it, but misses. And it flies off in a southerly direction. Wait, I acted quickly. Can I add another point to that? Uh, sure. Ok, so I'm gonna roll again. No. I said you can add a point to that. Second roll. Uh, yeah, that 13 would still miss. Um, so the thing just takes off. It's a small, like, metallic bat looking thing. And it just makes a beeline down the road and in a southerly direction, so. And Jerick doesn't recognize it? Uh, no, that is not a standard issue warforged thing. Ok, so it's a drone. It's definitely a camera.

Odds are, they know what we did, and us dressing up like that, or me dressing up like them won't help. Well, I mean, we could always fool someone else. Like, it's not, I'm not saying we do it all the time, but it's not a bad idea to have it with us, so. Um, so do we still want to go south? No. Oh, man, that was brutal. Let's try going west. Um, west would be... Uh, so you're, I'm guessing you're continuing towards Winterhaven. Yeah. I'm thinking I could live out the rest of my days in the camp as being a constructed member of society. We heal up. Yes, that would actually be a very good idea.

The exotic dancers. Alright, yeah, I'll just spend three. I'll never go back to that life, you hear me? Uh, three, sir. That's all the money. That'll put you back to sixty-four. Everybody else using surges, I would imagine? Yep. Sure. Oh, yeah. How many surges do we get a day? It depends. It's, it's in your character sheet there. Ok. It's in your deets. Oh, your status, sorry. You have eight surges remaining. Oh, ok. Yeah. Status. So, I'll pop a couple for you. What does "conmod" mean? That's your Constitution modifier. That didn't sound like it answered any of your questions.

No, that didn't answer anything in the order. Ok. My, uh, my heritage means plus conmod to healing surge value. Oh, ok. That means, uh... I just read that. Ok, then, yeah, you gotta be more specific. Your conmod is your Constitution modifier, so your Constitution... Plus, I guess, one. Like the one right there. Yes, one. So that's a plus one to your healing surge, so I'll adjust it. Ow! Yeah. Huh. I'll be good to know in the future. Ow! Shit's hot. Uh, you wanna use one more healing surge to get you up to full there, Malchus? I used two so far. Yeah, I wanted to use three.

Ok, cool. Gotcha. And... Thoril... just a couple... I'll just use the two on BF56. Yeah, that's good. Gotta be different. Alright, and you continue down the Southerly Road. Uh... On the way to Winterhaven, uh, you're noticing a few things. Uh, one, that patrol that was heading north, uh, it looked like it was kind of beating the bushes and it may have just been a patrol. Like it was actually, uh, clearing out brushes and, like, they were cutting down trees looking down for anything. Looking for anyone who was kind of out of the norm. Like you guys. Like, that was a huge, like, "Oh wow!

That doesn't usually happen anymore. No one travels the roads." Um, so that looked to be a lone, like, scouting crew. Uh... two... The place is desolate. You don't see any caravans, any salesmen, any travelers, no one. Uh, the place looks a bit more cleared out also. As I was saying, like, it's not as wooded as you remember it being on your way through. Uh, the whole place kind of has a barren feel. So you... You get back to Winterhaven. And this place looks almost nothing like you remember it. Gone are the wooden walls that surrounded Winterhaven, the big square fort-like structure.

And that's been completely replaced with stone. These huge high stone walls. And peeking up over the stone walls you can see, uh, like several large structures in town. Uh, whereas Winterhaven Manor used to be kind of the centerpiece, uh, it's now surrounded by what looked to be like large housing developments or buildings. Um, a couple of, uh, what could only be like barracks and watchtowers. Uh, on the outside of Winterhaven, uh, there are huge iron gates, uh, that have been decorated with, um, a large shield crossed with a hand axe. Uh, on the wall are posted several guards, uh, all human.

And there is a half-orc gentleman and a human standing outside of the gates. Uh, you said one of them was half-orc? Yes. And he doesn't seem to be like imprisoned or anything, he is a guard? He is a guard. Okay, uh, shall we approach them? You guys go ahead. I'll stay back here. Uh, I mean, is everyone, does anybody have any problem with approaching? No, no, no, no. Let's advance. Okay. Gotta find out someday I guess. Yes, so we approach and inquire as to, uh, how, you know, can we come in? I guess, really, that would be the first question, right? I mean. Uh, as you approach the gates, uh, the half-orc guard shouts, "Halt!

Who goes there?" We halt. We stop. And? Um, not yet. We're travelers from far north. From what city? I look at the party and, like, shrug. Well, I'm out. We suck at this. Blue? Uh, Blue. This guy, this guy. Hey, 17 years and you can't let that go? Okay, um, let's back up a little bit. What about trying to be honest with these guys? Maybe we keep, I mean, we don't know who's in charge. Maybe the same, you know, just the same person, like, he'll know us. We already lied to him though, right? No, we didn't say anything yet. Oh, we didn't say anything. So we're travelers from up north, that's all we said.

It's not technically a lie. That's true. Uh, I mean, do we think honesty? I mean, at that point? I'd be honest with him, yeah. We're trying to, this is... It's not like any of us have good bluff anyway, right? Trying to get in their pants. Hey now, 15, alright? Okay, that's cool. Okay, well, Malkus, you wanna lie? Um, Malkus says, um, "We keep to ourselves. We live off the land. We do not come from a city." Uh, the guard looks inquisitively at that. What business do you have here in Winterhaven? We're simply looking to stay the night, nothing more. I thought you lived off the land.

Oh, shit. Yeah, good point. We've got a restock somewhere. Uh, we were just saying, we were just, we were just raided from, uh, from that before. Shh, shh, shh, shh. Sorry, sorry, sorry, my bad. Calm down. I was whispering that. Um, ale. Heh. We're just looking to resupply with some tools and things like that. I don't see where that would be a problem. Of course, you will submit to a quick search of your goods. Nope. Oh, shit. I didn't shove any of that uniform shit in my pockets either. Heh, heh, heh, heh. Uh, uh, uh. Malkus says, "Of course. Sure." Uh, so each one of you approach and he kind of, shit.

He kind of pats down Malkus and looks around and is like, "Oh, you're free to go in." And they open these huge iron gates and there's kind of an airlock inside where there's a secondary checkpoint just beneath that one, just beyond that one. Behind? Yeah. Wait, did I pass the checkpoint? Am I clear? I'm going down the list, hold on. And, uh. Do we see any Warforged around? No. No, okay. Uh, so he, the half-orc kind of pats down Draconis and finding nothing interesting, is like, "You're free to go." Same thing with Rodswell. Same thing with Yenward. Uh, although he gets to Yenward and notices his gigantic battle axe.

Uh, and says, "I hope you're not thinking of using that in here." If I don't have to. "Just don't bring any trouble and we won't bring any to you." He's like, "You can have it." Sounds fair. Uh, he gets to Thoril and, uh, Thoril's still wearing his big billowy cape and frilly shirt and his old, like, interview with a vampire getup. And he kind of stops him and he says, "F*ck, no." He didn't say that. He got, like, he's popping your collar and, like, going under, he's like, "You survived up north in this?" Uh, yes. This isn't exactly standard Adventurer's gear.

He's, like, playing with your cape and looking through it to make sure that there's nothing hidden in it. He's, like, gone through a lot of changes. Nice. Who kicked you in the chest? Your mom? Don't say that. Your mom? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Should I be honest and say Drax? A foe. A foe. A large foe. Yeah, he was. And then he kind of sends you in. And then he gets to Ironhide. And he looks to the rest of the party. He says, "Is this a f*cking joke? Really?" "You bring a Warforged here?" These are Warforged. And then he pats him down and he's looking through his stuff.

And he pulls out the armor that the... Ironhide said that he ditched that, by the way. I said I never put that in there. You can't retcon something after you said you picked it up. I didn't! Did I say I put that in there? Did I? Yes. Okay, then I did. You guys totally did. Oh, Christ. Whose idea was that? I think that was a yenward idea and it sounded great. It did sound good, to be honest with you. I have another good idea. So they pull this out. Got this axe. And the guards immediately draw their swords. And it's like, "What's the meaning of this?" Malkus. You're the talker.

You got the high bluff. Tell him we found it. Tell him we're part of the resistance. We killed one. I don't need the bluff to say that. Yeah, that's true. We did kill one. Well, we killed Warforged and we thought this might be useful later. So that's not a bluff check. That's obvious that's the truth. No, that's... That's absolutely true. It's the power of honesty. And he looks directly at Malkus's eyes. And you gave it to the Warforged to hold? You thought that would be a good idea? In case. In case we need to sneak in somewhere later. I can't very well wear it and convince them.

It's not my size or idea. It's all about protecting ourselves when we live off the land like we do. At this point he's suspicious of this whole thing. He's like, "Listen, I'm going to escort you to Winterhaven Hall." "Okay." "And we're going to get to the bottom of this." "And..." "That's perfect." "You're going to sit here under guard until we sort this whole thing out." "No problem." Okay. So, they begin... they open the second door and this bustling city that is comprised of at least three times the people that you remember being in Winterhaven. Before or after the outskirts people showed up?

This is even after the outskirts people showed up. After all the refugees. So this is this huge, bustling metropolis at this point. Wow. Alright. And who... I want someone to roll a perception check. Pick somebody to do it. I have a plus eight. Okay. Go ahead and roll a perception check. Yeah, that's what I say. I don't... I can't beat that. Nineteen. Okay. So, as you're being marched to Winterhaven Hall you notice a couple of things. One, the city looks much more militaristic than it used to. It looks like a lot of... a lot of the inner workings of the city have been converted to either training troops, making weapons, housing troops.

This entire thing is much more militaristic. It's much less of like a relaxed kind of fort/city like it was before and much more just about either offense or defense. You can't be quite sure which. Either it had landmarks remaining from seventeen years ago. Beyond the inn which you recognize, and of course Winterhaven Hall, the old blacksmith where you remember the guys just clanging away on anvils all day, that's been tripled. And all they seem to be making is swords and shields. Okay. On top of that there's a statue towards the back, but it's covered by passing people.

You can't make it out from where you are. But that seems to be new. You don't recognize that having been there before. And they march you into Winterhaven Hall and ask you to have a seat while they go fetch someone to sort this all out. They sit you in this large kind of living quarters. And there's a few things that you notice. There's a large banner on one of the largest walls in that hall. And it says "Dedicated to those who have fallen." And there's several large paintings hung beneath that. One of which is Lord Padraig. And then there are several next to that.

There's a large painting that's a depiction of several hundred soldiers flooding out of the old gates of Winterhaven, the wooden walls. The wooden walls of which are all on fire. And they're fighting what appear to be a mixture of warforged and human soldiers with swords and shields. Just kind of like a mishmash of people. So like they're fighting, the humans are fighting humans in Warforged? Yes. It's on the Warforged side. Overdale built the Warforged and they're coming to fuck you. Next to those two paintings are a painting of a warforged, a tiefling, a minotaur, two humans and a dragonborn.

That look very familiar. Coincidence? It's a nice painting. It's a handsome minotaur. On the table in front of you is a book called The Bleak Tin, a brief history of the last decade. Hey, there we go. We've heard of that. Does somebody can read when I crack that open while we wait? I will read. I will glance through it, I suppose, while I have time. Okay. There are several drawings. It's chapter after chapter of just what appear to be atrocities. But there's illustrations marking every chapter. There are several drawings of Overdale and soldiers cutting down trees.

And then turning the page you see what appear to just be pictures of men and elves, dwarves, just being cut down in streets. Just murdered in the roads. And then going forward from that you see several drawings of what appear to be men in tattered clothes. They either be slaves or prisoners being hung from their necks. And the caption of the picture just reads "The Trials." One of the last illustrations in the book is what appears to almost be a political cartoon, something like that. Of a tiefling with buckteef and kind of a dull expression on his face.

Signing a piece of paper that a thin bald man is holding up with devil horns. In the background of the drawing there are several guards and Lord Padraig, all of which are made out of paper. Next to the tiefling are a dragonborn, a minotaur, a warforged and two humans held up by puppet strings. And the caption simply reads "Malchus's Folly." Ha! Oh! Ha ha ha! I get it. It took me a second. So I take the book and I flip it around and I slide it towards Malchus and I just stare at his eyes. And it's not a intimidating one. It is a "Oh shit" look. Malchus just stares at the cartoon and kind of like puts his hand on it like he can't believe it's real.

After a few moments, two people walk into the hall and a guard is walking next to them. And he says "These are the gentlemen we were talking about. We don't know where they come from or what business they have here, but they were carrying one of the uniforms of the warforged." And one of them is a woman that appears to be in her 40s. With... She's got a little streak of grey here and there in her hair, but other than that she doesn't look too much older than when you left her 17 years ago. And that is Talia Padraig. And next to her is her husband. Ouch.

Who... She greets you with an expression of shock and disbelief. She stops walking as soon as she sees you. Her husband on the other hand greets you with a look of contempt and rage. His one hand has been severed. There it is. That's the tiniest stop. Right there. What? The hand that's still intact, you see him clench. And I believe that is a good time for us to wrap things up this evening. Oh, god. That was great. See, that's the stop. Dick Wolf would be proud right now, sir. Thank you. Thank you. I was literally biting my thumb. I think... Tyler, you stole your pitch, man.

The appropriate response to this session is... Oh, thank you. Fantastic job, Jason. Jesus Christ. Oh my god. People are gonna flip. We have to get back everything. Oh my god. Just keep fleeing farther north. Soon we're gonna wrap back around and it's gonna be another 17 years or so. Oh my god. How you feeling, Tyler? I don't know. Stole my bitch. She did get old, so... she ain't that old. Oh yeah, you can hook up with Bree now. Oh, that would be fun. Let's see how Mantis would react to that. That would be the creepiest way. Hey, child. That would be the creepiest way.

That's why I put a dull expression on his face and buck teeth. Look, if that happens, someone's dead at the end of next session. They're all going up and he's like, "Hey, I became a vampire for you, girl." Remember? You owe me. Yeah, next session's gonna be fun. We have to wait two weeks? Maybe not. Maybe group two can't do it next week and then we can sneak in next week and do it. Somebody sneak up in group two so we can play next week. I think I have the best opportunity to do that if you really want me to. I'm just saying, maybe Daniel will have the baby in between now and then, you know?

I can't play with it. Well, you can miss the one birth. I'm in the waiting room on my cell phone. What'd I roll? What'd I roll, guys? Then what'd she say? Just tell her it's just business. It's the boy. Yeah, yeah, but what'd I roll? It's really cute. Okay, I'll shut. Tyler fucked Bree yet? What's going on? See him for the rest of his life. It'll be fine. I'm really glad you guys enjoyed it. That's... that's... that's fucking awesome. That's good. I can't wait till the next session. Group two's getting good too. I need to write my bio. Yes, you do. 'Cause... I was in the middle of writing it, but I got caught up in all that stuff.

Here's the cool thing. Can I say one thing about group two real quick? Just one quick note? Go ahead. Maybe, Jason? Sure. Good. Something... I mentioned it to Danielle too. Um, sometimes it gets a little confusing with Tyson and his wife. Because it almost sounds like they're married in the game? Oh, yeah, I know. And that's... that's... I'm gonna... There's a little giggliness and silliness to their stuff too, like... like... Well, 'cause like he keeps referring to her as like my wife and he can't tell if he's talking about the character or her. So that's... I was just gonna...

Okay. Well, yeah. ...bring that up. I'll... I'll clarify in the next session and... Yeah, I'm gonna try and cut down on some of the giggliness and try and expedite things a bit. 'Cause their role-playing stuff has gotten good. Like the end of their last episode... Like now they have a story. Like now we... it's like, okay. And now... And I can actually... And we're... Yes. I can totally... now I'm free... Like I wanted to tie in what's going on here with their story, but I didn't want to tip my hat quite yet. So now I can actually be free to... Okay. ...to go nuts.

That's... Like... keep in mind with them, they're only at what? Their third session? Yes. Is it? Okay. It... I mean, it takes... it takes everybody a little while to acclimate to their character. Like that giggliness, I bet that'll be gone whether you address it or not a couple more sessions in. Just 'cause they'll know who they are. It's that whole thing about play producing canon and knowing... you know, you have to play your character to know who that character is and start to... Yeah. Yeah. That's... and it's got... no, that giggliness has gotten a ton better since...

Oh, yeah. ...the first episode. The whole... it was just... canon-wise, it was a bit confusing about the whole, like... Yeah, I'll address it. And then, like, I'm gonna do the same thing with them that I did with you guys, so... It'll... it... like, I think that worked out beautifully in this session. Yeah. Like, just a plus one bonus and everyone's like, "Oh, okay." And they're on the ball. Like, everyone knows what they're doing. Yeah, I wanted that incentive really bad. Yeah, so that's... that's awesome. That works out great. Well, as much as... as much as I didn't want to end, it's probably for the best 'cause I have to work in, like, seven hours, so...

See? Yeah. I try to end these sessions at a reasonable time. I don't want to do the thing where we're up against the wall and it's like, "Okay, now take your turn. Take your turn." I don't want to do that again. Well, normally I don't have to work that early on Mondays, but, um, ironically enough, the other guy in electronics had... Oh, yeah, I didn't... did you hear about that prop? Uh-uh. Ryan had his baby. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I'm filling all his chips this week, so... Oh, cool. Hopefully he can return the favor. Yeah, well, he... he'll have to, so...

Well, then there you go. I'm gonna go get some sleep, so I will talk to you guys later. Alright. Yeah, man. See you. Alright. Now that he's gone... Fucking hate that. I hate him. Some bat that guy just makes me want to punch him in the mouth. It's his beard. So can we kill him off next episode? I think that's what we should do. Kill him off now? I feel like he was... he was up to something good. It's like, "Listen, they're only in the third sitting, so I thought he was gonna say, 'We should just kill them right now.'" Right? It's like, they're not as fun as we feel.

I'm fucking with you. Don't want them ruining our story. It's gotten so good. Yeah. They can't exist while we exist. Yeah, I would definitely give it a listen if you haven't already. Like, their first session's kind of like, "Eh, you know, they're finding out how everything works." And then their second and third one, like, actual role-playing kicks in and they're starting... I'll say something good about them. Nearly every single one of them have given me a backstory for their character. Shucks. I will be getting mine to you this week. I'm almost done with it.

It's on stream. I did need to ask you a question about that. And it kind of coincides with something we touched on today. Years. So I was gonna date some shit. Just give me references as to, like, how many years something happened away from when we started with this party. You know what I mean? Like, three years before he started this party, this happened, or something like that. Or just be vague about it. You don't have to give a year year. Sometime after. Okay. I'm only gonna make, like, one landmark and a secondary landmark that's, like, just not in the script.

It's just gonna be a bazaar. Yeah, Rob did the same thing and he ran by me, "Okay, well, what would this be?" And I gave him some choices based on what the map is. So, like, if you want to do it that way, we can do it that way. The only, like, two things I need to make are a bazaar, which can be anywhere, and, like, a chapel, but with a large series of catacombs underneath. Okay. We could totally do that. I'll get back to you with the-- And that chapel's no longer there. Okay. That's totally cool. Rob's backstory's gonna be very interesting now that we've leapt forward in time.

Yeah. That-- Oh, I thought about it. Oh, dude, this is-- this is the best. This is so heavy and meaningful and I love it. I am in disbelief at how much of an instinct and a talent you have for this. Oh, shocks, dude. You're gonna make me blush. No, no, no. Like, I have-- like-- It's like the third time you've complimented me tonight, man. I can't take it. No, no, no. So, one of the things that I notice a lot in D&D and stuff like that is very often it just turns very quickly into, you know, we're a bunch of just, like, wandering people who pick up jobs. Right.

Like, it's very easy for a campaign to fall prey to that. But you have just continued folding over the cannon on top of itself so that everything refers back, and that gives everything so much for me. So, I'm pumped to see where this goes. I try never to introduce somebody I'm never gonna reference again in some fashion. Right. 'Cause, like, I always-- it's that weird, like, NPC in a quest game that, like, he gives you a question. It's like, seriously, he just stands there all day. But, like, in a D&D, it's like, okay, he gave you this quest. Now, what happens to him?

Like, does he go home? Does he eat a steak? What does he do? Like, and in 17 years, dude, you leap forward 17 years and that, like, there's so many cool opportunities to do stuff, and, like, it does remind me of a TV show where-- Oh, yeah. Like, I love stuff like the Justice League cartoon where they would go, like, to this, like, it's like, "Oh, what if this happened?" and then, "What if it-- like, here's an alternate universe thing." Or what-- I love shit like that, and this is, like, we have our own little world where we can totally do sandbox, play shit like that, and just, like, have all these characters that, you know, that's really cool.

I've never played in a game where somebody introduced time travel, and all-- because-- It's badass, dude. You set up-- because you set up so much meaning in the canon, just 17 years of movement is suddenly, like, "Now I have a million questions. Now I just want to, like, run and go check on everybody." If Brianna's a half-warforged, there will be-- She's a Borg, that's what it is. Yeah, if you-- Ugh, you're just gonna rip my frickin' heart out, man, and it's gonna be awesome. Now be a Stem-o-lane. It's gonna be the best. Malkia Stem-o-lane. See it curl up into the fetal position and cry.

We're gonna have a big cry after this campaign. You know what? And, like, one of my favorite TV shows ever was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Nice, nice. Dude, the rule for Buffy was the group got to take one step forward and always took two steps back. No one could always be happy. So, as long as there's some kind of conflict or something happening, or there's that looming threat of the big bad, like, at the end of the season or something like that, like, that's what I want to keep going. Like, there's never gonna be, like, necessarily a period where, like, everything's great forever.

Like, there's not, like-- That's no fun. Like, we got-- But, like, I don't want it to just be, like, "And then there's dragon attacks, and then this thing happens." Like, I want it to be, like, something meaningful. Yeah, like, something you'd care about if it attacked. I'm pretty engrossed, Jason. I'm glad, and that's-- If I please Tom and Rob, that's pretty much it. That's all I was shooting for. I don't care if the rest of you guys like it. That was-- So, maybe two weeks from now? Oh, play, dude. So long. I'm-- I mean, I'm pitching a tent right now, just to be honest with you.

And where do we get to Draconis' shit? Oh! What? Oh! Oh, dude, there's so much. Does he have? Oh, he has. He has. I have. I'll be sure to get my backstory to you, so you can start making some Yandere shit. And I will, sir. Thank you very much. Oh, how's the map? I know that-- What's the bargain? You might need a little help with that. I know the map. So, here's the situation with the map. This artist guy is-- This artist guy I'm working with, right? So, like, we agreed upon a price of $150. Mm-hmm. To make a-- to make, like, a custom fantasy map. Like, it'd be, like, a little more detailed than, like, the Skyrim one that came with the game, that-- the one on Pyres.

I get you one way cheaper, man. I know a lot of artists. Do you, seriously? I know a shit ton of artists, dude. I could get you-- I could commission you something for, like, 20, probably. Yeah, do that. Let's-- let's do that and play it safe, 'cause I could give that guy all my notes and everything, 'cause so far I've paid $150 for this map, and he doubled the price to $300, and I-- Well, I-- I know a chick that will-- she might even do it for free, but just offer-- I'll offer to pay. Dude, I'll gladly pay. I'm-- How much do you want me to offer her? Uh, offer, like, $40.

Alright, I'll offer her $40. I'll hit her up tonight. I appreciate it, man. Can you get your money back from this guy? This guy, like, doubled the price on you? Like, he's weird, and, like, like, it's-- I might be able to get it back, like, he's re-- like, he handed-- Like, okay, I-- he-- I-- I handed him everything that I want, everything, and he handed me a draft, and it's not that his artwork is bad, 'cause he can draw, and, and, like, he's do-- like, it came out-- Like, I could send you the draft, it's like, "Okay, I could totally see where this is," like, based on the descriptions of what I'm telling him.

All I wanted was, like, a Skyrim-esque map, just to show you what the continent looks like and where everything is in relation to it, and then, like, maybe a little rendering of what that city looks like, or something-- something small. And then he's like, "I could do this really epic, if you want," and show you all the rivers and everything, and I'm like, "Okay," 'cause he was showing me drawings based on, like, here's what Winterhaven's gonna look like, and here-- and I'm like, "Fucking gorgeous, if you can make-- put that on a map, that looks great." Problem is, it looks cluttered and unusable, and he sent me, like, a second draft, and it takes days for him to get back to me, but I understand that stuff takes time, so I'm not being impatient, but, like, he keeps-- it's like, "How about that money? How about more money?

How about more--?" Like, it's just-- there's something-- I'm just not comfortable with the whole thing, that's all. No kidding, man, I wouldn't be either. And I don't mind spending the money on it and everything, it's just-- times are a little tight, you know, with me running the TWR thing, and then this, and, like, all the feeds and everything, it's just-- things get expensive, so... Mm-hmm. But, yeah, yeah. Speaking of expenses, and I was-- I was thinking about this before you even brought this up, 'cause I-- Dungeons & Randomness is putting me in front of a lot of people, and I'm about to be, like, selling a book, so, in a way, you are giving me a marketing factor that I otherwise wouldn't have had.

If I wanted to put some money toward your, like, promoted posts for D&R, is there some way to do that really easily? PayPal. Okay, cool. That'd be the easiest. Yeah, send me the information, and I'll be happy to give you some for D&R costs. Sure, that'd be fantastic. I would love to put more promoted posts out there. I've just been so strapped for cash.