The Stout Adventurer

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[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Howdy folks! I'm Brianna and I'm gonna let you get to this Group 3 episode in just a moment. First, I want to tell you guys what Laron is up to. You guys remember Laron on Group 4? He was the character that you love to hate.

Well, in real life, he's the guy that you just love to love. And he posts videos on YouTube every Monday and Wednesday and every other Friday on his channel, Redus101. His last name, R-E-A-D-U-S 101. This Monday, he's gonna post an episode about Pokemon Go, which I know a lot of you are interested in, because you will not stop telling me about it. On Wednesday, he's going to post an episode on tokenism in Iron Man and Zulu. And on Friday, he's gonna post a video about that Ghostbusters movie. We're all looking forward to or dreading depending on what side you take.

And if you want to know Laron's side, you should check out his video. Thank you so much for listening. Go to Redus101 on YouTube and enjoy the show. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Jasper. Wow, I can't come, I can't see anything after that was too, too big. I literally do that every single time. Hey, this is Jasper. I play Maric, Applered, Human, and Cleric. And Mac. Hi, I'm Mac and I play Caluna Vulgaris, the Wild and Shaman. And Eric. Eric here and I play Ordin King Shield, Dwarven Knight.

And Bree. Hi, I'm Brianna and I play Thanos, Sion. I was trying to match your energy, was it there? It gets big. Thanos, Sion. I wasn't ready to play a game until just then. Like now I'm ready. Yeah, there we go. We're all ready. I'm going to try now, I guess. Well anyway, last time you guys were hanging out in Brightport, specifically House Dragonkeep. Now you all kind of had your own agenda. You're all kind of relaxing, getting off the road and regaining some precious, precious hit points and kind of healing up some scars. Bree and Caluna had a nice little conversation.

You were asking Tessia if maybe there is some explorer, someone who's been to Kion, someone who could give you some pointers or even go with you. Going with you I think was the preferred option. I think that's what you all wanted. And during the evening, Thanos sort of broke away from the pack and went downstairs to look around again and kind of take another pass. Because the last time she went down there she found a person. This time she found a kind of hidden cubbyhole type room. Looks to be some sort of workshop or laboratory, something like that. And there was a bunch of little mystical artifacts and there is definitely some mojo in this room.

And if memory serves she actually pocketed some... there was like a jar... there were several different jars. I picked the red one. You did pick the red one and you put it in your pack. I wrapped it in a thing first though. I remember. Smart. I remember. I know how to steal. I've stolen a lot. And again, if memory serves, Caluna, Ordon, and Brianna were looking for her in the bowels here. So how's about we pick up right after Thanos shoves this stuff in her pack? Does that sound good? Sweet. Alright, so... is there... okay. Let me ask you a question. Was there anything else that you were doing in this room?

Or is it pretty much just sort of a mad dash to grab something? Was it just like, "There's so much stuff here, I need to get something." It was kind of like, "Oh, souvenir!" And she's just kind of looking around, just looking at everything. No ill intent. Just like, "That looks cool. That looks cool too." She's bored and this is so much more interesting than being bored upstairs with books. That's sort of what it came across to me was there was no... it wasn't like a mad grasp for power or anything. It was just like, "Well, I don't want to read, so..." Yeah, exactly.

Okay. So I'm going to go in the basement and steal shit. Do me a favor and roll a perception check. Okay. Mmm, seventeen. Okay. Thanos is going to hear ever so slightly, it sounds like movement, coming down the same hallway that she had come from to get to this room. And it sounds like multiple individuals, but no real detail beyond that. Just movement. It'll be that thing where you're... you know you're in a place you're not supposed to be and you hear like a bump or something behind you. It's like, "What the fuck was that?" Like that kind of thing. I imagine she would immediately try to hide because she knows she's not supposed to be down here.

She already got in trouble for it once. Not really in trouble. I mean, she did help the group and got us another scion. I mean... It depends on who you're asking because I'm sure David wasn't too happy. If you ask me, it was the perfect decision. If you ask anyone else anywhere, shouldn't have done it. Well, could you do me a favor and roll a stealth check? Alright. 17. It's the same number. Let's see. Orden, Kaluna. Yes? Actually, you're going to get to the end of this. There's obviously light down to the end of this corridor here. And if you remember me describing it, it's pitch black.

But now that door would have been open. And there's this kind of this faint pale blue glow illuminated from the ground itself. Good. Merrick was not. Okay. Merrick was still upstairs if memory served. Yeah. David and I were going off in a different direction or something. Okay. We'll catch up with you in just a second. Yeah. Totally fine. So, seeing this door open, what would be the reaction of the party here? I don't know who was in the lead. Well, Bree's with us too, I believe. Yep. I think Orden at no point is going to slow down. So regardless of who was in front, if anyone pauses and there's room to get by, Orden's gonna just...

He figures we're just tracking Thanos at this point. So I'm not worried about what we're going to find outside of what trouble Thanos may have gotten into. Okay. I think Kaluna would just be falling behind him, but I don't think they would... If they got to the room, they would sort of stop at the edge. Like, what the fuck is this shit? Okay. Kaluna hasn't had a lot of good experiences with magic and stuff. Yeah. They aren't really a big fan. Yeah. That's the vibe I was getting. Okay. I don't think Bree would be too trepidatious about it either, because it is just...

I mean, it's obviously a friendly house. It's not like you've broken in. So it's not... I don't feel it would be a thing where it's like, wow, there's something horrible, because she wouldn't really know the history of this place that much. So she would walk in with Orden. Do me a favor, everyone. Okay. I'm going to ask you to roll Perception. That is not to spot Thanos, because we're going to just use the Pass of Perception for that. But I want to get you a layout for this room and see what you'd see. Oh, my. Oh, come on. Oh, my. Okay. We're good. We're good, guys.

Solid. So, let's see. Kaluna and Bree would be looking around and pretty much would see most of what Thanos saw. Lots of little odds and ends. This is clearly someplace where someone was tinkering. This isn't like a keepsakes room, like something that someone was trying to hide because, oh, all of these things are very valuable and I want to keep the... It wasn't that. Just the floor kind of gives it away. Like something, something messed up was going on in here. And I think Kaluna just, I think judging by the fact that Kaluna would know about the previous owner, I believe putting two together would be pretty easy.

What is everyone's passive Perception here? 27. Damn it, Kaluna. I'm sorry, you'll have to remind me. Kaluna, I'd like to remind you that bitches get stitches. Everyone's... I'm looking at it right now. Everyone's passive Perception is high enough that they would spot Thanos almost immediately. Damn it. Everyone. Like, I think... But I'm super sneaky. I feel like it would be a thing where everyone looks around and it's almost like Thanos is partially obscured next to a dresser or something like that. Okay, what would be the reaction to just finding her in here?

Kaluna would just stare. I don't think they would do anything. They would just honestly, like, if they could, they would make eye contact and just stare. Like, what the fuck do you think you're doing? I think there'd be a B. Like Bree would... What are you doing? Nothing. And she's kind of just like, I imagine what actually happened, like for real, was she heard the people and then she kind of got a little bit frazzled trying to find a place to hide. Like she couldn't find one and she was like half hidden when they got there. Like in the best corner that she could find, but she was still completely visible.

Right. And then when she was caught, she just kind of tried to play it off. Like she was allowed to be there the whole time. She had no idea she wasn't. I really don't think you're supposed to be down here. You were down here. Really? So, like, I don't think any of this is something we should be down here touching. And if this was locked away, I'm pretty sure that there's a reason for it to be locked away. Kaluna will nod vigorously. The door wasn't locked. It was just hidden. The fact that all this was hidden didn't raise any red flags for you. I mean, you could have gotten hurt.

Thanos is just going to kind of shrug. That actually didn't really occur to her. At least the hurt part. Like she probably knew she wasn't supposed to be down here. But like the you could have gotten hurt part. She's like, oh. How about we go back upstairs? And her tone of voice will kind of soften because I do you feel like it would be something to be on Thanos's face like that was something that maybe just occurred to her just now? Right. Yeah, kind of like when she shrugs, she'll kind of like look down like, oh, right. She's all like, here's the thing.

Everset's teaming up with this group. She's almost died many, many times. So but she's it still hasn't gotten to like she now realizes in battle she can get hit really easily. But she didn't really think about like traps or anything like that, even though she did check for them at one point. She was just like, oh, it'll be fine. Right. So like looking at like Breanna's face, like, does she seem like nice, but concerned or like angry? I think it was more annoyed at first, like just like, why are we wasting time with this? What is going on? I almost like it was inconceivable for this group to take out a young teenager.

But then it was like, well, I mean, she must, she must, you know, they hired her, so there must be some sort of error professionalism there or something like there's something you bring to the party that it's like, okay, what? But so far, this is the worst first impression. That's that's what it basically. But after like, it's very clear that it's like, okay, no, she just wasn't thinking about it. I think it would soften a lot like it would be more just concern. Then Thanos would wait for everyone to turn around. And I think she put the potion back. Okay.

After being scolded a little bit, she'll be like, oh, right, danger and put it back. Would everyone be going back upstairs then? I think Caluna would lead the charge back like, okay, we're done here. Let's go. Let's go team. Rises a vertice. Caluna's already upstairs in like the kitchen. We found her. Yep, everything's cool. As much as I want to say yes, I think Ordon would be basically standing just inside the door waiting for Thanos to leave to make sure that Now she's not gonna put it back. Right. I know. It makes sense. I get it. Well, then I guess it stays in the pack.

I guess it stays there. I kind of look over at the empty space where it was, like longingly, like, mistakes, but then just leaves. I mean, I actually do think that as Thanos passes Ordon, he will ask, is everything the way you found it? She'd never admit to it, so she'd be like, yeah. That's a bluff check. Okey dokey. Let's see how this goes. 26. Well, actually, what's your insight, Ordon? That's a 26 level lie. Looking right now. Insight. I have a plus 8 there. That seems on the level to Ordon. Alright. Boy, everything good's gonna come of this one day. Then Ordon will take Thanos at her word, and once everyone's out, he'll shut the door and come last down the passage.

That is how the second great plague of Theria started. Zombie juice! Zombie juice! Alright, on the way back, there was another passageway that went up. Yes. Could I, as we're passing it, could I just look up again to see if I can Percept anything cool up there? Do me a favor, roll a perception check. Although, I do believe if you stopped, I believe the party would be like, wait. I mean, Kalu is in the front, so they'd just be like, "la da da da da da." Bree would be hanging about. Let's see what I Percept first to see if I stopped. Let's see. Go. Damn it. 20?

I think it's the exact same thing as before. There is a set of stairs that winds upward. Alright, I'll let it go. It caused a lot of trouble already, and I'm probably gonna murder a lot of people. We'll see. I like the optimism there. We'll see! Dude, guys, this is just gonna be the best health potion in all of Theria. That's what this is. It's basically a resurrection potion. It kills you so hard that it brings you back to life. Yeah. It's a straw. I call it the "thoril potion." That's essentially what happened, right? Okay. Sorry, I was jotting down a note. Guys, I invented a potion!

No, no, no. I need to... Just let us believe. Yeah, sure. Okay. So, I believe the party would make it back upstairs. I don't believe it'd be more than a few seconds later that David and Merrick would find you guys. Yeah, I kind of imagine Merrick would finally at some point would just sit down and rub his temple, or put his fingers on top of the bridge of his nose and be like, "Ugh!" until they arrived. Yeah, Kaluna would be the first one to... Yeah, I guess Kaluna would find Merrick and David and just be like, "We found her." Where the fuck was she? Downstairs.

Merrick's just gonna nod like, "Yeah, of course she was. No, of course. Yeah, no, that's of course." Where else would she be, right? Yeah, why wouldn't she be downstairs? What's David doing about all this? Is he sort of calling off the dogs? Yeah, he would probably whisper to somebody, "They found her again. It's fine." And do me a favor, Merrick, Kaluna, maybe roll a little Perception check. Just a wee little Perception check. God fucking... Ah, Kaluna would hear. There would be an additional word to this house Dragon Keeps serving, something like, "We might want to start upgrading security downstairs.

Just maybe put a couple more guards on standby just to kind of catch stuff like this before it happens again." Kaluna is not subtle, but they'll nod at him when they hear that, like, "Yeah, dude, that." They won't say anything, but they'll nod at him, like, "Please." Literally has not been a problem until now. So, yeah. Go ahead, sorry. No, I'm just thinking, I'm trying to figure out what would happen next. Like, they're sort of all bunched together, right? Like, at this point, they're shuffling her into the... Yeah, Bree, Thanatos, and Ordon would have joined by now.

Merrick's gonna actually be, he's gonna be visibly pissed. Not, like, angry, but just super perturbed. Oh, no. Physically. And, I mean, he'll bide his time for this and make sure it's the right moment, but at some point, I think he's gonna say, "Thanos, I need to have a word with you real quick." I imagine Thanatos, if she picked up on this at all, which it sounds like it was pretty obvious, was probably, like, up until the moment that you finally cornered her, was keeping at least one of the party members between you and her. Like, just kind of stepping around, like, Ordon and then Bree, until you finally cornered her and asked her, and then she'll kind of nod, and she'll follow you wherever.

Yeah, Merrick's gonna stride right past her and go straight towards the kitchen, just, and expecting her to follow him. Is there anybody in the kitchen? He's at a prince flops vibe right now. What's that? Don't give me a detention, please. Kaluna goes, "Oooh!" as they walk past. I mean, he's not, like, grabbing her and dragging her along. He's just like, "Ugh." Is there anybody in the kitchen whenever he gets there? There may be a couple of, like, people preparing food or something like that. Okay. I've always wanted to do this in real life, and now I get to do this as Merrick.

He's gonna, in the scene in my head, he walks in the door, he walks straight up to, like, whatever island is in the middle, and he's gonna put his hands down, like he's sort of propping himself up a little bit with his head kind of down towards the table, like, he's, like, trying to keep himself, uh, steeled, and then he's gonna say, as soon as he knows that, that Thanatos is in the room, he's going to not look up, but he's gonna say, "I need the room." I want everyone to, like, look up, and then just look back down and continue what they're doing. That's fine, that's fine. Who the fuck are you?

No, um, I think they'd look at each other, the two individuals would be looking at each other, they would kind of look at each other and then just, like, very quietly just stop what they're doing, and then just walk out, 'cause it appears that someone's about to get chewed out? It seems serious? Like, I'd believe, like, you ever have that weird, like, lizard brain thing of just feeling when danger was near? Like, you could, it's like, oh shit, something, I don't know, maybe it's just the household I grew up in, but, like, you can feel when that mood changes?

And it's like, I need to back away, 'cause something bad's gonna happen. They hang out by the doorway to listen? Probably? Yeah, Merrick will, in whatever way, as they walk by out the door, he's gonna sort of just, he's not gonna look at them, but he's gonna sort of do, like, a thank you nod? Like, a very terse thank you nod? Oh, actually, actually, can Kaluna hang out by the door? It's definitely just sort of like a force of habit, like, make sure he doesn't get too angry, because bad things happen. Just still programmed. I would say yes, do that. Okay, cool.

They're not trying to beat her. Bree would just hang out with Ordon, for the most part. Yeah, they're just... You're gonna beat her? How hot. Merrick takes off his belt. Right. Jesus. She's underage. You're just holding this up. This was not meant to be this hardcore, but he is pissed. Sorry. He is perturbed, he is perturbed. I'm glad everyone went in very different directions. Right? Just don't hit her with a buckle, and everything's fine. He's gonna commend her for being so inquisitive and curious. Oh, you're a hippie, Dad. A thirst for life, is it really? You're a hippie, Dad.

No. Sorry, God. You are amazing. No, so, I'm imagining they're alone at this point, right? Mm-hmm. Except for Kaluna. Well, Kaluna's not visible, though, right? No. Okay, he's gonna turn around. I just imagine that Thanos is just sort of like inside the door, and the door is closed, and not really like... I don't know what Thanos is doing, actually. What is Thanos doing? She's probably just kind of standing there awkwardly, honestly. She kind of knows where this is going, but also kind of not, because she doesn't have a real bead on Merrick. She kind of does, but not enough to know what's gonna come of this.

There is a noticeable distance between the two of you, though, that she is probably going to try to maintain. Oh, sure. So, he's gonna turn around, and he's gonna let his shoulders drop a little bit, like he's releasing the anger, I guess, or just whatever. He's just gonna sort of try to relax. What the fuck, Thanos? Seriously. What are we supposed to do with you? I'm not your father, I'm not a parent, and I'm not trying to talk to you that way. This isn't you being in trouble. This is about the party. This is about us, all of us together. Listen, I know we hired you.

I hired you to be part of this, and to help us out. And the truth is that we needed you, and we still need you. You're powerful, you're talented, and you are curious, and that's great. But things kind of go out of hand sometimes. You just disappear, and who knows what kind of trouble you're getting into. I'm not chastising you. I'll let you speak in just a second. You're not in trouble. I just don't know what to do about this. You're unpredictable, and I know you know that. And I know that you're young, and I know that there's a lot to learn, but... I need you to be part of this in a way that I can count on you.

So, that's it. You're not in trouble, and you're not fired, or anything like that. You're far more at this point part of this group because you feel more like family than anything about getting paid to help us out. I know that there's not a whole lot I know, and I haven't asked a whole lot of questions. But I know that there's a lot going on underneath, and I'm not trying to step on your toes. But what the fuck? Clue me in. That's all I'm asking. As you're talking, like, Thanos is going to become a little bit more guarded. Like, she's going to sit up a little bit straighter and cross her arms over her chest.

And she's going to let you say pretty much everything with just kind of narrowed eyes, set jaw. But doesn't speak until you're done. And then she's going to say, "Can I ask you one question?" Of course. If I were your age, would I be getting this talk? Would you have sent a bunch of people out to look for me? Or would you have just trusted me? Hmm. I have two different answers. The first answer is, yeah, if you were my age, you'd be getting this talk. I've taken on the mantle of trying to lead this group, even if I'm not qualified, even if I am. And this is what somebody has to say whenever somebody's unpredictable and maybe getting out of line.

So, yeah. But I'm going to be honest with you. You're right. Sending people after to find you, that's because you're young. And that's because I was worried. And that's because I was worried about what could happen. Not only to you, but to anything else. I'm sorry for that. I do need to trust you. And if you're more than just a hired hand, then trust has to come along with that. So I'm sorry. You're right. But the fact remains, you are unpredictable. And I do care about you. We all care about you. And we do need you. And I can't have you disappearing and something bad happened to you.

Not anymore. Do you understand? It's not about chastising you. It's about needing you and also wanting to keep you safe. Because that's part of my job. Okay. I'm just going to shrug. Arms still crossed, still kind of visibly upset, but like there's nothing to be said. Thanos. Okay is not enough. What's... What's making you not care? What's on your mind? Are you distracted all the time? Just didn't want to read a bunch of boring books and there's nothing else to do. So I went back downstairs. It's not like there's a lock on the door or anything. And I mean, the only thing they're trying to hide was the girl they had in a fucking dungeon down there.

And I think she's glad that I found her. And I think you're glad that I found her. Merrick's going to kind of feel like a... like he kind of got a little slap. Like he's going to feel bad for a second because... Well, he'll say it. You're fucking right. Yeah. You found Bree. Who knows what else you might have found that could either help us or help you or... Okay, you deserve more trust. I just don't want you to get hurt. And it's not just about right now. This is not the only time this has happened. You almost got killed on our way to Brightport. And I'm the one who sent you off to it.

But sometimes you can't help yourself. I just need you to... Just be measured. Do you know what I mean? Yes. And she's going to kind of like... when you say be measured, she's going to kind of give you this very odd look for like half a second and then very quickly glance down. And again with the shrugging. And just... I guess. I just need you to think that it's not just you. You're part of something a little bit bigger. Maybe it's not the most important thing in your life, but it's really important to you. Maybe it's not the most important thing in your life, but it's really important to all of us.

That's all. I just don't want you to think just about yourself. Think about all of us and the fact that we need you right now. Okay? You're not in trouble. I just... I just don't want to do this in front of everybody else and I'm certainly not trying to embarrass you. I just want to make sure we're on the same page. And again, it's not because you're in trouble. It's because I care. I can take care of myself. You can. And you've proven that you can. The fact that we met you whenever you were taking care of yourself is exactly why you're part of this party. But there's a lot more at stake right now and a lot of things going on.

And I know you can take care of yourself, but I need you to take care of us too. So if something happens to you, that means something might happen to us. That's all I'm saying. This is bigger than just you right now. Can you handle that? Do you know what I mean? I... She's gonna kind of relax a little bit. Look, I'll be honest with you. I don't know about all this God stuff that you're talking about. All of the world saving... Even if I did believe in it, I... I guess I just don't. So yeah, I want to help and that's the reason I'm here. And eventually I'm gonna ask you to help me too.

And that's the whole point. But I can't make myself believe in something I don't. You can just point me in a direction and tell me what to hit and I'll do it because that's what you asked me to do. But I can't change what I think. Okay. I get it. I'm not trying to pressure you. And I'm not trying to make you believe in anything you don't believe in. Frankly, I'm not... I'm still not sure what I believe. But there's too much at stake not to try. So look, you and I have a lot in common whether you think so or not. So look, I'm just trying to care about you, okay?

You don't have anybody else and I don't know. You matter, okay? So that's it. And of course, whatever you need, whenever it happens, you know I'll be able to be there and help you with whatever you need, okay? Okay. Alright, just please don't disappear again on us. Just if nothing else, give somebody a clue that you're gonna go sneak around. That's better than just disappearing, okay? She's gonna kinda smile a little bit. Like something's gonna flash over her eyes and then she's just gonna nod. Okay. Alright. Let's get back. And then he's gonna... He's not gonna like put a big arm around her neck or anything like that. 'Cause I think that he'd probably not wanna make her uncomfortable and she doesn't look like the kind of person who wants to be touched all that much.

But he'll kinda pat her on the back like, "Okay, alright. Let's take off." So yeah. And then head back out. And then hopefully, you know, Merrick will, as soon as they leave, he's gonna start trying to look for any of the people that were in the kitchen. So he can say like, "Sorry. Sorry. I'm so sorry. I apologize." I guess you can do your job now, I suppose. Yeah, please. I apologize. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. I'll be glad to help with anything. Get the fuck back to work. Do your fucking jobs. Let me ask a question. Kaluna, firstly, Kaluna, could you roll a perception for me?

Oh my god. Could I? No. I cannot. Kaluna picked up... That's actually still pretty good. Yeah, Kaluna picked up a good portion of that. They really weren't there to pick up the conversation anyway. It's fine. It was more just a spy. I'd like you to roll a reflex check. Here's what I want to do. I want you to... I want to see how quickly you can get away from that door when you find out the conversation. Because the conversation kind of wraps up a little abruptly, right? No, I don't think Kaluna would actually try to get out of there. No? Not the way that they are right now.

They're just sort of... They don't really care too much about the repercussions. Okay. Just like, "Yeah, I was listening. What of it?" Yeah, basically just sort of like, "What? We were trying to help. What's your problem?" So this is like a swinging door. Oh. Okay. So I would imagine this is a type of thing where they're going through the door and just like, "Bump." Kaluna's kind of right there. And I would imagine... Did it swing in or out? Did we push Kaluna over? Well, I imagine you're pushing out. It's a swinging door. It swings both ways. I would imagine it's just like, "Bump." Like, immediately.

Just bump against the side of their head? Yeah, just kind of like push... Not injure them, not knock them down, but it's very clear. The instant there's resistance, it's like, "Oh, there's someone there." And on the other side, it's just silence for half a second, "Pump." Just kind of lightly jarring. And it would be very clear that Kaluna was eavesdropping the entire time. Bento's force punches the door open. Does that thing where you get a dressing down, it's like, "Whatever!" And just really makes a show of opening the door. Just kicks open the door.

No, the door kicking member of our party isn't here right now. Nope. I know, she destroyed my fucking house. They're still repairing it to this day. Dude, there's not a single door in Dharamond's whole house that was not kicked in some manner. I remember I was genuinely upset about it, and everyone else was like, "Ha!" And I'm like, "No, seriously though!" I'm gonna live here! I'm retiring! I'm... I'm gonna work off a pension? I want a budget! You know how much it's going to cost to repair these doors. You know how much it's going to cost to refinish them.

And really, we're all trying to pretend there aren't skeletons in the wall, so if you could not accidentally dig any of them up, that'd be crazy. I... Okay, if you're rejoining the party, I... I... Brie would be kind of concerned, like, just that you had to pull her aside at all and all that. 'Cause I think, deep down, she would kind of feel for Thanos a little bit. So, she would very much be paying attention to facial expressions and everything as you walk in and... Is everything alright? She's saying this to Merrick specifically, or everybody? Just...

Just... To the... Both of you? Yeah. Cullen is still standing beside the door, apparently. I... I... I would imagine just like, "Oh, there's someone there." And then, I imagine Cullen is shuffling lightly backwards, like, "Oh." And then just letting people come through. If you're not trying to hide, and you're not... Yeah. Cool. You done? No. I want to keep talking. Forever. Uh... So, to Brie, Merrick would... He would nod, and, like, raise his eyebrows, and he'd look over at Thanos, and he'd just say like, "I think so. I think... I think we're... I think everything's okay." And he's kind of prompting Thanos, so he's not trying to speak for Thanos.

Thanos is sulking like a motherfucker right now. Oh, God. I thought maybe it would last for like five minutes. Maybe it would last like, "Okay." Not like angry sulking, just kind of like regular sulking, and she'll just... Like happy sulking. See, though, that's progress. Yeah. That is progress. That's good for her. If you think about it, like, yeah, 'cause it's not disconnected angsty sulking. It's, "Wow, someone I actually care about dressed me down." Like, that's... that's a step forward, right? I mean, "care" is a strong term, but yeah. You know what I mean?

You gave a fuck about their opinion enough that it bothers you. Yes, exactly. Okay, then that's... that's progress. And survey says, "Shrug." Wow. It's really hard to make that sound interesting each time. I hope that the listeners really understand that. That's really difficult to make different every time. She tries so hard. She does it so much. Brie would, uh... I guess Brie would let it go. Just very much studying Thanos, though, at this point. Alright, so... what's the game plan? We're just waiting on Tessie to get us some information? For now, uh... we did find a little bit of information, uh, Ordon and I, as we looked through the library.

And Merrick's gonna look very deliberately at Ordon, like, right in the eyes. Almost like... I don't know. What Merrick is thinking is, "Just follow my lead," is kind of what he's doing with his eyes. And Ordon will give you the slightest of nods. We did find... maybe a little bit of help. It turns out there's an artifact. There's something that we might be able to use if we did have to fight demons and any sort of horde from hell. That's the good news. The bad news is that it's been split into a couple of different fragments. And kind of hidden in a couple of different places.

Back to good news. I have a feeling that our good friend, Una, may be looking for part of this. That was at least the idea that, from what Julie was looking at, you know, they're on their way to figure whatever they can out. Back to bad news, I'm pretty sure one of the other fragments is where we're headed, which is not a nice place. But... isn't that a good thing? I mean... Well, I'm just saying it's not like it's next door, or in the basement. Right. And when he says that, he's gonna look at Van Toast. I'm just saying... Assault them from like 90% to like 95%.

I'm just saying it exists. That's the good news. The bad news is it's not gonna be easy to find. And it's also split into a couple of segments. And listen, I want to believe in Una as much as you do and as anybody else does, but we may only ever have one half of this thing. It may be a wild goose chase. Well, at least it's not in the opposite direction or... Yeah. Yeah. Right. So we've got... let's put it this way. We've got something else on our plate. Yes, we need to make our way up to the seal. Yeah, we need to figure out what we're gonna do about it and how we're gonna do it.

And the kind of good news is that we might be able to have a little bit of something there that might be able to help us. You know, if I know Una, she'll be sitting there at the seal with, you know, hot tea and half of the artifact ready to go by the time we arrive. So maybe we should just count on that, right? And he's gonna kind of give like a half "heh heh heh", right? Bree would kind of give like... just sort of nod like that would be the best case scenario. Yeah, not wanting to think about like "and the alternative is". Yeah, that's what the smile is like.

Or... anyway... So, uh, sounds like we need to get where we need to go. I don't think we're gonna find out much more in Brightport, but we do need to see whatever Tessia can find for us. Whether it's a guide, whether it's some sort of magic, whatever it is, it'll help us finish this up. So, that's the game plan. Anybody else have any ideas? You said we have a time limit. Yeah. A few weeks, maybe more. So that does give us time to get to the continent then. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. We should be able to get there, we should be able to survive, we should be able to find whatever provisions we need to find either there or before we leave.

And we can try to find half of this artifact and let's just hope for the best. If we have to, maybe we'd have enough time to be able to find the other half. I don't know. I'm guessing not. But, whatever helps, right? At this point David would come back into the room and sort of do that thing where you clear your throat to get people's attention. But very, very, very graciously just sort of wait for the conversation to wrap up, just letting you know he's there. Such a good butler. So good. He's not a butler, he's a steward. It's completely different. Isn't steward less than a butler?

Like... Not in Tharia, actually. On the chain of command? No, no. Not in Tharia! No. Steward? I thought his name was David. And we're done! Everyone died. Good night. Best session ever, guys. Love bad jokes. And the house blew up. And then the city blew up. And David actually drops a vial of something and everybody blows up. Yay! That means I did not choose the explodey one. So there we go. Yeah, so Miracle will turn around and be like, "David." I'm sorry to interrupt. No, no, no. Miss Grimnus wished for me to tell you that she did find out there was an individual in town that might be able to assist you.

However, he is in a less than desirable portion of the city. Wait, real quick. Under her breath, Bantos is going to mumble, "There's a desirable portion of the city." And then look at the camera. Poluna gives her a high five. Yay! I just want to point out the irony that Thantos said that in the cushy, well-furnished house full of food. All right, so there's one house that's not a part of the city. That is one nice house. If I went outside, I'd get mugged in two seconds. This is the slightly better part of the city. Thantos was three steps off the boat. Oh, well, you're in the port.

Of course you... I mean... So speaking of that, Merrick's going to look at David and be like, "Oh, well, that's where we found her." And he's going to do his thumb over at... And he's going to sort of... Okay, here's the thing. David is a really nice guy, but he's going to go... He's going to give you a look that's kind of like, "Mmm, that worked out well." Please stop rummaging through our shit. Someone look away for like three seconds, please. I just want to disappear. Back downstairs going up the... Thantos is a leprechaun. So where do we find this person?

There's a bar on the edge of the city that is mainly for dwarves. They may not take too kindly to you visiting them. But if you're willing to make the pilgrimage, it's called the Stout Adventurer. And the man you're looking for is Bardin Amdyr. Bardin Amdyr. The Stout Adventurer. Do they serve stew by any chance? And he's going to... Kaluno audibly just... He's going to elbow Kaluno when he does it. Did you have to poop out those worms? Were they alive? That's a really good question that I don't want answered. Wait, no. Wait, no, we haven't gotten there yet. Well, here's the thing.

We haven't gotten there yet. Because it's only been a couple of days. Oh no, you're still full of worms. I was hoping there'd be some lovely fanfiction written or something. I don't know. Oh no, not that fetish. It doesn't have to be sexual, it's just... No, I don't want it at all. The fanfiction you read has to be sexual. That's the rule. Please don't bring weird characters. I don't want to read about poop. I think that's actually my line. Didn't know I had one. Alright, there it is. You're welcome. I have toddlers. This would not bother me in the slightest. I'd be like, whatever.

Saloona Poop is not. I got it. What color is it? I've seen them all. Came out blue the other day. I didn't even ask questions. Kids ate a smirk? Barden am dear. Okay, well, um... It sounds like we're going to a shitty part of town. Who's with me? Sounds like a good time. Saloona Mulgrew. Oh. Hey, turns out we've got a dwarf. What? You forgot you were down there. Yeah, oh wait, who's this? Oh, hey. Wow. You didn't say anything about the stout adventurer. I don't... Is that your word? Can you guys use it? Oh my. Because it was named by a dwarf, so it's okay? And Eric quits the show.

Yep, that's... I think we've gone far beyond this one before. This is a weird line. Brie would raise her hand. She would go. Okay, Brie, I'm definitely going. Anybody else? Are we all going? Sounded like it. Alright, let's all go. Hey, Ordon. Might need to use you a little bit here if you're, you know, okay with it. Doesn't sound like we might all be welcome there, but I certainly don't want to go to this neck of the woods without us all being there to protect each other. But maybe you could do a little bit of the talking? Maybe see if you could find this bardin person and bring him outside, or see if there's some place we could sort of safely be within this barb.

I don't want to cause any trouble. I know how you people get. Wow. What's that supposed to mean? Whoa! I think your negotiating skill just went down. Okay, alright, alright. Look, I'm just saying, separate but equal, everyone. You should have your own bar. You should have your own water fountain several feet below mine. That would work for dwarves. That's not a racist thing. It's just for safety, honestly. It hurts my back to lean over that far. You gotta get on your tippy toes. It's embarrassing. Let's just have two seconds to get our fountains. So for real, Maric is actually just asking, he's asking Ordon, "Hey, we might need you to do some of the asking around here for us, because I don't want to cause any trouble.

Especially if it's the kind of place that maybe we wouldn't be welcome." Sure, I'll head in. Cool. Let's do it. I'm debating on a thing. No, you know what? Who would like to do me a favor and roll a flat d20? Ooh. No. I think this is me. Yeah? Yeah, you too. Okay, the window's the coolest place. Let's see how this is gonna go. Aw, this is all me. Let's do it. I told you I got my combat stuff ready. You got this. I believe in you. You've got this. The thunder. The thunder is huge, ladies and gentlemen. I... Oh my. What the fuck, Aaron? You crossed one thunder. Ladies and gentlemen, that is a one.

Oh boy. Well, let me... Look at my combat shit. Hum. Okay. That dice does have other numbers on it, right? It does. Dude. I don't think so, because I think the last time we did this, you also rolled a one. Did you? Does God hate you? Is that what's up? I can't speak for him, but... I've been picking up on these signals, then. You know, a safe almost fell on me yesterday. I don't... Okay, let's do this. Sorry, guys. No, don't be sorry. This'll be interesting. So, going downtown... You're gonna pass a lot of not-so-nice sites and places. A lot of scumbags. A lot of people just gambling in the streets, drinking.

Oh my God, the drunkards. I can't speak for the party, but I would imagine it's one of those things where you guys are walking pretty close together. Like, not spread out too much. Maybe kind of keeping your head on a swivel a little bit. Yeah, pretending that we're supposed to be there. Okay. So, you are eventually going to get to a bar called the Stout Adventure. Now, this is on the edge of town near the port, near the docks. There are a lot of bars in this area kind of scattered all the way through the city, like around, sort of wrapping around. And again, as this was pointed out, this is more of a dwarven establishment.

So, there's like gorgeous chiseled stonework and stuff like that. I mean, it looks nice from the outside. Except for all of the broken, there's broken bottles, there's, you can tell right away that this is not a great neighborhood. But some care and attention was put into the building itself. How would you like to proceed? Because you're going to, do me a favor, everyone roll perception. My favorite roll. Mac, you have rolled so many perceptions and not a single one has been over 10. Did you know that? I know. What the fuck is this? I feel so bad for Kaluna.

Listen, Erik, I deserve my 30s, okay? My total was less than your bonus. Oh boy. Everyone's going to hear a commotion from outside. This is a rowdy place, you can tell. There may be a couple of fistfights ongoing in the bar right now. There's a lot of like, kind of loud, rambunctious screaming and yelling. There is music going on. There's definitely drinking going on. And this is the middle of the night, so this, there may not be, there may not be like a closing time. They may just go until it's daybreak and everyone passes out. You don't know. But there is a lot happening inside this bar.

And you can kind of see through the shutters that there is lots of movement and activity. Mostly what you're seeing is a lot of people standing on tables, like dwarves standing on tables, kind of shoving each other around. A lot of roughhousing, that type of thing. Just like home. Yes. Before we do anything, would Kaluna have had time to make a gnoll ear necklace before they left? Yeah, I would imagine like that would be a thing that it wouldn't take that much effort. Okay, cool. I just need to know how tough they look. Oh, so tough? The toughest. All spiky and shit.

You are the toughest plant-based creature. Around? Around. In this general area? In this general area, yes. Bree is going to visibly tighten up. Like, this is so not good. She's been around enough to know that this may not end well. So have we gone inside or have we just seen this from the street? I want to know. This is just from the street. You can see and hear what's happening. I think Kaluna would start bouncing and sort of flexing their fingers. You know, just like, "Ooh!" Santos would be kind of doing the exact same thing where her eyebrows will kind of lift a little bit and she'll ball up her fist and there's just the slightest hint of a smile.

Like, yeah, their eyes are both just twinkling. Jason, looking inside, I don't see anyone using weapons, do I? No, this is more fist fighting and general roughhousing. Fantastic. So, Ordon's going to hand his spear to Merrick and crack his knuckles, crack his neck. And, uh, time to go get some information. Merrick will gladly take the spear and he's going to say, "Great, we'll be right here." And he's going to put his hand on Kaluna's shoulder and kind of like stare at Santos. Like, "Great, we'll be out here." Kaluna will, I think Kaluna would like look over at Santos like, "What?" and then look back at Merrick with just puppy dog eyes like, "Oh, come on!" Not now, not now, not now, no, no.

They're going to cross their arms and they're going to pout very grumpily and tap their foot just like, "Mmm." Sure. This is, this is Ordon's domain, so let's let him take care of it. This is Ordon's domain. Santos is going to kind of like give Merrick like the bitchiest of like eye rolls and be like, "I thought we weren't going anywhere alone anymore." It's- And he's going to kind of move over to Ordon? Come on, let it go. That's what, so Santos says that to Merrick? This is slightly different. This could get out of hand and I don't want you in the middle of any of that.

And I don't want to be in the middle of any of that. We just want to get in and get out and get what we need. Okay, so if he needs us, let us know. Right, right Ordon? Promise? He's getting, Merrick is going to be doing a very big nod, right Ordon? He's doing like a big exaggerated nod. Ordon, I guess would simply smile and say, "Of course Merrick." See? Great. We'll be out here. Insight check. Insight, no. And Ordon- Oh, go ahead. Oh, no, no, I'm sorry. If you're hitting up Bree, that's- It's more or less like Bree is just as nervous as Santos is about this, but she would kind of concede and maybe just mention to Santos, "If it's a dwarf bar, he may have better luck going in alone.

We could just complicate things." Santos is going to kind of- She's just going to get like gesture to her body and be like, "I'm dwarf-like." She's got the height going for her. I actually think I'm taller than Ordon by like a little bit, but not much. Like an inch. We just need to get a proper beard on you. I'll just tie- I'll do that thing that girls do where they like tie a knot above her mouth. Just plenty of hair to work with. It'll be perfect. Take some of Kaluna's cape and put that on your face. Perfect. So... Yeah, whatever's happening here. Fuck it.

Marica's just going to make sure this- Ordon, let us know how it goes. Let us know what you- if you need us. We'll be right here. He's going to say it again. And Ordon will just turn and head into the bar. Oh, boy. So now we have a bunch of non-dwarves waiting outside a dwarf bar. I'm sure that won't attract anyone's anger. It's going to be better than inside, trust me. So, Ordon is going to walk into this bar. And the second that he does, all activity in the bar is going to stop. And every eye in this place is going to be- is going to be taking in Ordon. Just the sight of Ordon.

And... Do you have any favorite Ordon? Roll a perception check. Let's see if we can get a lay of the land here. Okay. So you're going to look around this place and there's a good- this place isn't packed packed, but the amount of noise that these people are making is substantial for the amount of people here. You're going to count about fourteen people. Dwarves. All of them dwarves. Different. It looks like they all come from different walks of life. All of them are scumbaggy looking though. Like you're going to catch a couple of Nuval brands. You're going to catch a couple of them look a little like seaworthy, kind of pirate-ish.

None of them look like they work in Honest Ace Living, something like that. Okay. Now, when Ordon walks in, is this- are you standing by the door or are you just kind of strolling in? It would be a pretty confident stroll towards the bar itself. Okay. Okay. They're all going to watch you do that. They're all going to- like they're just stopped- like the dwarves that were kind of like roughhousing and fist fighting and kind of throwing each other into furniture and stuff like that. They're all going to stop and they're going to watch you sidle up to the bar.

And the bartender is actually going to back away from the counter and cross his arms. And just sort of stare at Ordon. And Ordon's going to feel this place sort of close in a little bit around him. And there's going to be a particularly burly looking dwarf. Kind of sidle up next to Ordon. Not sit down, but sort of lean against the bar. What do you want? Ale? Lots of it? You'll not be getting it here. Now I'm going to give you five seconds to leave. But then I won't be having any fun. Do me a favor and roll another Perception check. You're going to notice a couple of the dwarves slide over to that front door and lock it.

That's some mighty fancy armor you're wearing. Is it from where I think it's from? I don't know. I probably- I don't know where you think it's from. The mountain. Is it from the mountain boy? Of course it is. Party? Do me a favor and roll Perception. God, please. Maric, would you like to let us know what's going on? Sure, I just crit the hell out of it. X-Ray vision. Maric's really nervous. I think Dantas is the only one who doesn't notice, actually. Like, 25 is still good. Well, everyone's going to hear this bar go silent, that's for damn sure. Like, that's one of those things that's like- so that's going to be a red flag to everybody out there.

It's like, okay, things are either going very well or very poorly. There are windows, but it's kind of hard to make out what's going on, except for the fact that you're going to see that the dwarves that were standing on tables and chairs and things like that have jumped down. And you could see a few of them congregate around the bar. I don't need to know about the windows for seeing Jason. Trust me. Okay. What did you need to know about the windows? So I could fucking bust in. Oh, there are windows. Yes, there are windows that are accessible from the outside.

Okay. Maric would even see the bit where Ordon approaches the bar and the bartender steps back. Which will give Maric a pretty decent indication of how things are going so far. Inside, this dwarf is going to take sort of a harder approach. I'm going to give you one more chance. Leave. Or we'll make you leave. Ordon will turn to the barkeep and say, "A round for the bar, two for me. If we're going to have fun, there's only one way to do it." Do me a favor and roll a diplomacy check. Okay. That was a ten, everybody at home. Not the most diplomatic of people.

That's good for a dwarf though, right? I hope they kill me. At least then I won't have to put up with this shit anymore. You might get your wish. I'd just like to point out, he did call you boy a minute ago and I almost said something, but I'm not in the scene, so. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. This dwarf is going to grab Ordon by his shoulder and try and jerk him off this stool. Let's see how well this goes. Oh boy, okay. That's a nineteen. Okay, so does that beat your fortitude? Oh, no, not even close. Okay, I didn't think it would. So he's going to grab for your shoulder and try and jerk you off this stool and he's not going to budge you.

That is about the point where this bar is going to start to, you can hear people shuffle toward you. Like you can hear, like this is not, you are not going to be left alone. It is very, very clear. Okay. Then I guess it's time for initiative, isn't it? I guess, yeah. Let me get a map. This was supposed to be easy. With dwarves? Okay, hold on a second. You had to know there would be at least one little fist fight. Not all, not all of these people are going to try and assault. I don't even think I have so much as a knife or a dagger on me. Oh, Jesus, no. And I'm not sure, a bunch of my abilities don't work, so.

Okay. You know, this will be interesting. Wait, why don't your abilities work? Wait, yeah, why don't they work? I mean, I think a couple of them are tied toward directly to having a spear. Oh. Well, I can tell you. Just break a stool into a spear shape and then use that. There you go. Genius. While, I mean, it's going to be a turn or so before we're actually in combat, but I mean, I was critting knowing what the hell was going on in there and it was not good. So I would be ready to not barge in and start fighting people, but I may be, but I may actually want to get Ordon whatever he needed for a weapon.

Like just throw it through the window or something? Well, I don't know. I'm just saying like that might be the next step. Okay, well, we'll see what's going on. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to place, let me see, let's place Ordon by the bar. I had so many ideas on how this could have gone. So many. They really should have gone better than the one that we got. That's kind of what a one gets you. That's kind of how standoffish they were going to be. And basically what it boils down to is they're not a fan of Stonesunder? What? They're not a fan. They're not a fan of him or his work.

They're not a fan of that mountain or that city or anything. And you coming in dressed as like a protector of the king is probably not like the best. Oh boy, howdy. Okay, do me a favor, roll initiative. All right. Are we ready? Oh boy. Good luck, Ordon. Thank you. Dwarf thug number three is going to sidle up to Ordon. He's going to grab his war hammer. He is going to target Ordon, get a plus two for flanking, and swing. And crit. Wow. Oh my god. Well that's a good start to this. Fortunately, I'm going to get to make a saving throw to turn that crit into a normal crit.

Not crit, yeah. Go for it. I forget what exactly roll that is. I'm looking- Oh, it's a saving throw or just a flat d20? Well, I'm sorry. Saving throw might have been the wrong word. Okay. Okay, it's actually a feat. Stoneroots Endurance. Whenever you are subjected to a critical hit, roll a d20. On a 10 or higher, the attack is normal. So saving throw. Uh, yes. Okay. That's normal hit. Step in the right direction. Nine damage to Ordon. So he is going to come up and just sort of club your back with this war hammer. Dwarf thug number one is going to shift down, do the same.

That'll miss. 30 will miss. Good lord. Okay. Ordon, your turn. Okay. What would be the roll if I wanted to disarm someone? Oh boy. I think someone has to be bloody for that. Let me make double sure. That's basically your dexterity versus their reflex. That's going to be a play on that, basically. Okay. So let's see. Is that something you want to go for or do you think it's worth it? I figure I've got a couple options and none of them are great. Right. One, I can reposition myself in this room. Two, I can improvise a weapon or punch. Three, I can reposition myself.

Three, I can try to take a weapon in which case my situation gets at least a good deal better than what it's at right now. So from a risk/reward standpoint, what's Dalmor wielding? I don't know. Where are you reading that? Well, Dalmor is the big guy to my right, isn't he? Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I thought you were reading a power. I'm like, what? No. He's... it's going to be this big fucking two-handed axe. Okay. Is he holding it right now? I would say he would have reached for it as soon as this started. Okay. That's unfortunate. Well, sure. You know what? I'm going to just make the roll and see what happens.

Okay. So I'm going to shift one square and yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Okay. Do me a favor. Make a Dexterity check. That is going to miss. Okay. So you're going to claw for his weapon and that nothing is going to come of that. Dwarven thug number two is going to move right next to Orden. Target, use Warhammer, miss. Dalmor. Dalmor is... He's going to target you and use something called Mighty Strike. That is going to hit. 24 damage to Orden. Okay. Dwarven thug number five. Oh, good lord. He's going to move up here. Target, Orden, Warhammer. That is going to miss.

Four. So the one thing Orden does have is that fancy armor of his. I mean, you are... you are essentially a turtle. Yep. Move right here. Target, Orden, Warhammer. That's going to hit. Okay. Nine more damage to Orden. Everyone outside. That is going to be the end of this round. Okay, you're going to hear no commotion and all of a sudden a lot of commotion. And that's after... that's after... that's after Marek had already kind of assessed the situation. It's just... this is not going well. What would the party like to do? I would say Marek would pick up on this first just based on that Perception roll before.

The very first thing since Marek would notice it is once he caught any wind of the door being locked or anything like that and then hearing combat immediately, he would try to... like try to kick the door just to see if there's any way like he can kick it open or something like that. Okay. You know what? Since your Perception roll was so high, I would say that you would be the first one to react to this. So do me a favor, make an athletics check against the door. Okay. Oh, fourteen. Okay, here's what's going to happen. There are two dwarves standing on the other side of that and the second this fight started, they're going to lean against this door to make sure nothing is going... like one, that Orden's not going to get out and two, no one's going to come in and interrupt this.

Ahem. Well, here's the thing. May I? Now the rest of the party obviously sees you spring into action, run, kick this door and it not budge. Yeah. I imagine he weakened the wood at least a little bit. It's just the dwarves in front of it, right? Well, that's the thing. They're bracing the door. Oh. I wanted to make you sound at least a little badass, but I guess not. Well, it was. Okay, it looked badass. I imagine that he just like kicked it and nothing moved and he's like, "Ahh." Brat his foot. Ow, ow. So he's just going to, as soon as that happens and he knows that it doesn't budge, he's going to look at Thanos and he's going to get out of the way.

All right. Thanos is going to step up and I don't know how to target door. I imagine it's an automatic hit, just like the tree, right? It pretty much, yeah. All right. So I'm just going to do an attack. Oh, oh, oh. Maric's going to do his fingers, his thumb and index finger, kind of where he sort of lifts it up and he's like tiny, tiny. Oh God, is she not listening? I know, I know, but Maric's going to do it. He's going to be like, "Just a little bit." All right, so I'm going to- Kalluna's just going to hop really eagerly behind Thanos like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." Can I ask a question?

Hmm? Would Ordon have shouted anything as a indicator that this is not going the way he wanted it to? I feel like we established in that first fight that Ordon's kind of a vocal guy, at least at the beginning of a battle. So continuing on from that point, I feel, I guess the question is, what do you mean, I guess whether it would be interpreted as not going as intended or not would be- Or just Dwarven screaming, like just Dwarven shouting. Yes, I mean, he would be, he would probably shout in Dwarven something along the lines of, "The five of you still can't take me." Oh, wonderful.

Nice. Oh, wonderful. Fucking badass. Yes, that's cool. There are just other Dwarves in this bar. Oh no, don't invite them. Also, there are six. I miscounted. If that's the case- There's blood in one of your eyes. Bree would run up to the door to join Thanos. Yay. So do we both hit it with Force Blasts? We could, yeah. Let's do it. Kalluna looks decidedly less excited and backs away. If there's any way that Merrick can look at Bree and just be like, "Wait, wait, wait, hang back, hang back." I'm already rolling damage. Okay, hold on a second. Let me see if- Bree, not Thanos.

Right, let me see if Bree would notice. I would say, in this situation, I would say a 23 or higher and she would notice. She does not notice. Okay. Punch, punch, punch, punch. Kalluna pulls their totem out. Sexy. Oh yeah. Mama like. Okay, this is going to shred this door. And the two- let's see here. Okay. The door is going to burst wide open after jettisoning the two dwarves several spaces inward into the bar. I don't think anybody is banking on something like that happening from the outside. I am going to add the party to the combat tracker. Everyone do me a favor and as soon as I do, roll for initiative.

Okay, go ahead. Roll for initiative. Dang it, how do I roll for initiative? Oh, there we go. Guys, guys, I'm on fire with these dice. I take the best of the two that I just rolled. So let's give you that 14. So let's see, party would be- hold on a second, I'm going to add everybody here. Alright, and let's see. Alright, everyone ready for this? No, let's do it anyway. Dwarf lug number three is going to move in, close around Ordan, use, and swing and that will miss. Thug number eight is going to see that shit happen by the door and move to intercept by getting right near Marek.

Target and swing and that will hit. Nine damage to Marek. Boy, you made a bad move. Thug number one is going to move down to Thanos and do the same thing. No, don't hit me. 24. Oh, he hit me with a four. Stop fucking with my motherfucking clique. And damage moved down to- Mac, don't talk like that. I know, I know, I was trying to make a musical reference and it was so bad. I'm so sorry everyone. I'm so sorry. Oh boy, howdy, that'll hit Marek. That is another nine damage. Ordan, your turn. Okay, well, this is going to be a really boring turn and not half as effective as it should be, but I'm going to take total defense and my defense is only going to go up plus four because Marek is wielding my spear.

Well, not wielding, but holding. Right. Yeah, so my defenses will jump by four. Bree is labeled as an enemy on the map, so okay. Let's fight Bree everyone. Let's do it. Let's test this werewolf thing out. Yeah. Oh god. Yeah, we're not even there yet. Wait, she just used a force punch. She did. She was fine. She's fine. Clearly not a werewolf. Or now. We really should have thought of that before she used the force punch earlier though. That's why Marek did. That's why Kaluna backed up. I guess it makes sense that Thanos wouldn't react to it, but it was literally just me forgetting.

Because again, she has no idea how dangerous a werewolf is. She's just like, whatevs. Hulk, Hulk. You're right here. Thanos, shift first. I mean, Brianna, shift first and push them into each other. It'll be funny. Because those two will go flying back into those other two. It'll be great. Please do it, Jason. Oh my god. She would know that, right? She'd figure that out? She's been in this situation enough. Let's go bowling. Let's see here. Okay. She is going to shift. Yes. Guys, for people at home, there are four guys in a row now. It's two, space two. It's scion bowling.

That's what it is. She's gonna take a swing at it. See? That will hit. Oh, Jesus Christ. Okay. Jesus, Brianna. You didn't have to kill him? Oh my god. Merrick is not. He's just very nervous right now. Bri's bad at bar fights. Okay. Here is what's going to happen. Oh Jesus. Okay, so that is going to... Okay. Oh man. She's gonna punch clean through dwarf number eight, right? Collide into dwarf number six and do half damage to that dwarf. And it's going to kill the two of them and the two corpses are going to fly backward. Oh. Your friends want to play with him. She's literally chucking corpses at people.

Not her intention. Just like... She sees like, okay, Ordon's completely surrounded and things are just bad and she wants to help out. Okay. Hang on though. Does this have any effect on the morale of anybody else in the room? Okay. Under normal circumstances, if these weren't dwarves, I would say that would be some holy shit. They just caved in the door like a SWAT team and then they're literally murdering people with a single punch. I hope one of them wasn't Bardic. That was the one roll earlier. Dwarf number seven. Holy shit. Dwarf number seven is going to run down right here and attack Coluna.

Excuse you. Uh, bitch. And crit. Oh Jesus. Oh no. Oh no, Coluna, no. There's gotta be something. You gotta have something. Maybe interrupt of any sort. Or Bardic, you're a paladin tonight. I sure do. Lots of. Okay. But I have to look it up. Yeah, I'm looking at stuff. I'm looking. That's a minor. That could straight up kill Coluna. Let's not do that. Yeah. Well, let's see what happens and I can do an immediate interrupt, right? Or do I need to do that now? Yeah, this is where. Can I just do it next turn? Can we just go back? Yeah, let me die first and then you can save me.

Okay, so I'm going to do an immediate interrupt right now unless Coluna wants to do something else. I don't got shit. Okay, I'm going to do Radiant Armor. It's an immediate interrupt. You or an ally within five squares if he takes damage. The target damage is reduced to zero. Oh shit. Okay, well then no damage. Oh, thank fuck. Also, the way that's worded, I actually think that if you roll damage, he could still do it. The you or a target near you takes damage. So, we were actually being assholes. He was right. Exactly. Well, no, I mean, if it's an interrupt, then it would, any damage that would have, it doesn't matter.

There's no sense in rolling it if there's, because I would just have to undo the math, whatever. But if you wanted to hold on to it for later and see if it did kill Coluna first. Well, that's kind of what I was doing is seeing like how much it looked like it was, but it doesn't matter. Totally doesn't matter. I'm going to do it anyway. It would have killed her. Like, killed them. Done. Could have been bad. Thank you. Thank you. And I would have to worry about that. Boy howdy. Okay. Thug number nine is going to race down, get behind thug number seven and use aggressive shove.

And what he's going to do is shove his buddy into Thanos. Don't. And give him a plus two to the roll with the hammer. So, he is going to stop turgling. You don't need a plus two. You hit me with a four. You literally have to crit miss to hit me, which the plus two will not help you in that case. Thanos is yelling mathematics at him. Forty! Is that good enough for you guys? Is that what you want? So that would be nine damage. Cool. Thanos' turn. Alright, Thanos is going to look back, see what Brianna did, and try to do the same thing. Dwarf thug number seven. Okay.

Force punch. I need to rearrange how these are on my screen because I feel like punch should be above blast. And so every time I roll blast, I mean to roll punch, and every time I roll punch, I mean to roll blast because I feel like punch should be on top. I think I can change the order of it. Is there a thing we can do? Because it's weird. I always do it wrong and I think that's why. Because to me, punch is first and then blast. Was it just alphabetical? Probably. Either way, roll in the damage or the hit. That'll hit. Cool. Oh my. Okay. Yay, I punched you and your friend.

Does he die too? The exact same thing is going to happen where the, okay, this, okay. Thug number seven is going to fly into thug number nine. They're both going to go end over end over this table and fall backwards. Their lifeless bodies will just sort of roll over this table that's right behind them. Sort of like in like schoolyard times, someone will get behind you and like crouch down and like someone will shove. That's basically what just happened. Except they ended up dead. Except their necks are broken and there's a hole in the first one. So that, yeah, the grizzly, grizzly murder.

Santa's going to look over her shoulder to see if Brianna saw that. It's kind of hard to miss. Like, see, I can do it too. Oh Jesus. Wait, no, and I'm going to shift back. Okay. Because I don't, I don't want to die. Hit Merrick first. Sorry, Kaluna, I don't want to put you in between us, but I do want to put Merrick in between us. Yeah, thanks. Because Merrick has more hit points than me. Thanks. You were just there as well. You have more hit points than me too, so I don't feel bad anymore. Nevermind. You really shouldn't. You have four whole more hit points than I do.

Thug number two is going to target Ordon, uses war hammer. That'll miss. Especially with total defense. That didn't recharge. Okay. Oh boy. We killed four of your friends. Just let us go. At what point does that affect morale? Hmm. You know what? Let's roll a saving throw. When a ten or higher, it will affect morale. On a nine or lower, it will not. That will affect, okay. Hmm. I would say, after witnessing the grizzly murder of four people, not to mention whatever happened to the two in front of the door, we're still coming out. And not hitting Ordon a bunch. Well, I picture it as them just slamming on his armor and he's just got a boxer rod holding both arms up and it's just not very effective.

And you can tell. Like anime punches, like when the bad guy gets punched a thousand times and they jump back like, "Yeah, I won!" and then the smoke clears and nothing's different. Right. Like you, Hakusho Jason. Hmm. Dalmor is actually going to call out to everyone, "Enough!" And he's going to kind of lightly shove at Ordon. Just like, just like, fuck you. Just not to push him out of the way. Just like to sort of send a message like, "Alright, we're done." And he is going to, he's going to say to Ordon, "Take your friends and leave." Ordon's going to kind of straighten himself up a little bit.

And... He's going to, uh... Oh, jeez. Of the people to be like, "Oh, we surrender to you." I don't feel like Ordon's the best one. Alright, so Ordon will hear Dalmor say this and, uh, he'll say, "I'll leave after I've had my drink." Dalmor's going to get a look in his face like, "Really, motherfucker? Like, are you not getting this?" And after a moment, he's going to turn to the bar and just sort of slam, sort of slam a fist against it a couple of times. And the bartender's going to... Emerge? Are you going to duck down when this ruckus started? And he's going to give you the ale you requested.

Alright, then Ordon will kill it quickly. Not that he's rushing, just... I'm not sitting there lingering over it or anything. And, uh, he'll straight turn his back to Dalmor. Um, start walking toward the party. And turn toward the barkeep and say, "If Barden's around, we have an offer for him." And he'll head out of the bar, like, ushering the group with him. Kalina will snarl at the dwarves as they leave. Just sort of like, "Fuck you! You almost killed me!" I'm trying to think of what to call this motion, but you know when you put both your arms out and you kind of thrust your chest out a little bit?

Fuck y'all, like... Yeah, yeah. What is that? I don't know what that's called. I'm doing it in case you can hear it. It's puffing your chest. It's like... But it's like quick. It's not like a little... Yeah. Thanos does that before we leave. And one more thing. As Ordon is sort of walking through the party out the door, Merrick's going to very deliberately give him his spear back. Like, "Here you go, buddy. You got it." And he'll smile and nod at Merrick and just keep walking. I think Ordon just proved he is the dwarfiest dwarf of the dwarves. I kind of just won.

Honestly, we should just not say another word and just walk very quickly back to the house. No, we're going to stay here. Yeah, Kaluna's not going to walk fast out of the bar. They're going to sort of... They're going to do that backwards walk. Like, "Yeah, yeah, what?" Moonwalk out! Exactly. But not really super aggressive. Just more like, "Fuck you. I'm watching you. I'm watching you." Once we get out of the bar, Ordon will actually slow us up for a second. One, he's giving Barden a chance to come out and meet us if he's so interested. Two, he'll look at all of you, like kind of scan the party, and, "Thanks for having my back in there.

It would have been... nasty." Maybe a little out of proportion, but we just couldn't have anything bad happen, right? Except something like that. Oh, shit. This was bad, right? Well, I mean, that was scum in there. I suppose it was bad, but they got what they deserved. I don't think Merrick would even know what to say to that. I think he just would feel shitty that this is the way things went down. Kaluna's gonna throw their arm over his shoulder and sort of lean against him, very much with that sort of, "Oh, holy fuck, I almost died," kind of exhale. Bree's going to walk outside and immediately take a knee next to the party, and you can tell she's taking some very deep breaths.

Kaluna will back away. I'm gonna get ready and have her roll an endurance check. -Oh, go ahead. -You know what? You go. This is Merrick's character. He is going to get right down there with her, and facing her on his knees too, right? Sort of mimicking whatever she's doing, and he's going to put his hands on her shoulders, or whatever her body part that's right there, like her leg, or shoulders, or arms, or hands, or whatever it is. He's gonna go, "I've got you. I've got you. I've got you. I've got you." Kaluna's going to let out a very animalistic whine when he gets close.

Just raw terror. Do me a favor. Everyone in the party roll a perception check. I'm gonna give a plus two to her endurance check just because of that. -Hey! -Oh, there's my fucking-- Okay. Oh, boy. Boy, howdy. Okay. Everyone knows. Do they? That's not a terrible-- Are you not wearing a bra, Brianna? She has one lone treckle on her ear. She has a very nibbly neck. You want to nibble it. You shouldn't right now, though. It would be dangerous. I don't even know what that means. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Yeah, like people. What's happening, Jason? Well, okay, you're gonna see her.

She is visibly sweating and her hands are shaking. And after a few moments, her breathing is going to slow down a bit. And it was pretty racy. The second the fight was over, it looked like maybe she-- To people who wouldn't know what the situation was, maybe she'd gotten ill, maybe something had happened. But after a few moments, she is going to catch her breath and take a few really deep cleansing breaths and then look at Merrick and just sort of nod her head like she's okay. Okay, he's gonna stand up and as he's doing, he's just gonna sort of slap her shoulder.

Like, "All right, you got it. You got this." And he's gonna get out of her space. Behind the party. I would say after-- like, during that time, a few minutes have passed. There's gonna be a dwarf standing in the doorway of this bar. And he is going to approach the party. "All right, you wanted to speak to me?" Real quick, was he in the fight? Nope. Okay. Not even a little bit. Did he catch one of his friends corpse and might be angry or something? Nope, he was not part of the fight. Not even holding a weapon. Wasn't even in the bar, actually. He just came down the street.

In the back of the bar, eating, actually. Just having a lovely night. Yeah, he didn't even get up during the fight. He brought his girlfriend out, they were having a good time. Ordon will step up to him and...bardon? Yep. So we should go sit down and talk somewhere. He's gonna look back. He's gonna look back at the bar. Somewhere else. Yeah, he's gonna smile at the party. Somewhere far away might be smart. Guys, I think that's probably a good time for us to stop for the evening. Aww. I wanna know Bardon now. Yeah, he seems like a nice guy. I can't wait for us to share a lovely dinner and a nice chat.

He was on a first date, that's what was happening. And he's like, "I'm really sorry about this. I'm really sorry." It was not working out anyway. Yeah, I'm gonna take off. You look nothing like your profile picture. People have died and people are asking for me so I should probably go. Murderers want to talk to me. It feels like it'd be worth it. This seems important. Hey guys, Brianna here. I hope you enjoyed that episode. And if you would like to support us, you can go to patreon.com/dandr And just chip in a dollar, you get a lot of extra bonus stuff. Also, if you go to our website, www.dandrpodcast.com, you can check out the forums, which are pretty active and really fun.

If you can't support us on Patreon, it would be great if you could give us an iTunes review. That's really super helpful. And last but not least, the most important thing right now is DragonCon. We are all so fucking excited for it and we hope that you are too. We're gonna have a bunch of panels, it's gonna be great. And I'm gonna stop now. Bye!