Alias

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

(COUGHING) Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... (CLEARS THROAT) With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday, only on Peacock. (MUSIC FADES) Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. -You're the Marine? -Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me.

From the director of Mr and Mrs Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. -Is this your first job? -I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! -What are you doing? -Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Episode 173 of the D&R Podcast is brought to you today by Fantasy Coin. Fantasy Coin makes a huge variety of different coins and currencies for use in LARPing and board games, and especially things like D&D and tabletop games.

It's a great way to add that extra layer of immersion. Players and DMs and things get to exchange currencies, simulate exchanges between shopkeeps, things like that. And honestly, it's just kind of nice to hold that kind of thing in your hand and get a feel. Kind of brings you into the world a little bit. Throughout the entirety of the month of August, Fantasy Coin is going to be launching a Kickstarter, and during that period, all of their stuff is going to be drastically cut in price, probably the lowest it's ever been. If you go to fantasycoin.com, you can check out the link to their Kickstarter, show them some support, and check out their huge variety of different coins.

Trust me, you're gonna be happy that you did. Ooh, let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master, going around the table to start with Rob. Hey, I'm Robert Weezahan, I play Malchus Grimnast, Tiefling at large. And Rachel. Hey, I'm Rachel and I play Davine Brightheart. And Kelsey. Hey, I'm Kelsey and I play Arya Lethea. So guys, last time on the show, you helped defend a caravan heading out of Aubrey from some orcs. Basically, you decided to partner up with the people guarding that. You figured, I guess, there were safety in numbers, and just in case the orcs attacked, it would be nice to have a couple of extra people in your stead fighting alongside of you, which is a good thing because you rolled super low at one point, and yes, that did end up having a pretty good effect because those orcs were nasty.

Theo took a-- everyone kind of took a walloping, but I remember Theo getting hit a bunch. You guys did loseville, which sucks. Specifically for Leia, but we'll get into that. We also found out that Arya is a Sion, or at least has some psionic powers. So how about we pick up right after that, it is still the seventh of Thorim. Leia would obviously, as soon as this battle is over, Leia would rush over to Ville's body and sort of cradle it and just... They would have both understood the inherent risks involved in what they do, but it is always-- it's nothing you're ever prepared for when you lose someone, as a lot of you guys would know who've been doing this for a while.

Malkus specifically, I would imagine. What would everyone else be doing here? I think Tevin would just kind of almost take a knee because she took quite a bit of damage, and while you're in the battle, it's like, "Okay, I'm doing my thing." You know, your focus, the adrenaline, but now that that's not there, it's like, "Ooh! Oh, my." So she's just gonna be wide-eyed looking around, like, "Is this something I should be worried about? Because first time I've seen battle." (LAUGHS) Malkus is just kind of solemnly observing things. You know, he doesn't know the people who helped fight on our side, but he's just staying silent and respectful and solemn.

Arya, as I mentioned right at the end of the last session, pretty much as soon as that last hit goes off, she's just gonna vomit right there and then kind of stumble back a few steps and then sort of fall to the ground and curl up in a ball. Thea would be really concerned. Obviously exhausted and sweaty and lumped up, kind of cut up and beaten, but still concerned, because that's not usually the reaction. It was just vomiting and then curling up. So he would check on Arya just to see how she was doing, just kind of take a knee next to her. Actually, it would almost be involuntary, because taking a knee is way easier than standing after all that.

Aw. Especially when you're real beat up. Yeah. Yeah. So... she's probably not going to respond, like not really acknowledge that he's moved over her. Like, she's kind of started to sort of like sob a bit. Thea would look up to Malchus like, "Fix it. Help me fix it." Malchus will just kind of put up a hand and just kind of give him the "give her a minute" wave. He's certainly as concerned as anyone, but just letting things calm down is the first priority. Right. So it sounds like the party's going to take a couple of minutes here and lick wounds and in game terms pop some healing surges.

Yes. Okay. And after Tabeam kind of caught her breath, she'd go around and start doing the tending to anybody's wounds if anybody needs help. And she would check on Leia as well. Yeah, Leia would... It would have been a thing where immediately after... immediately after this battle would have wrapped up, just run right over to Ville. It's more to confirm what she already kind of knew, so it would be kind of a frantic pawing at armor just to check wounds. But like, yeah, he's already gone. - Yeah. - And it would just be a few moments. Not crying, just... almost more furious.

Okay. So just kind of quietly seething and just very, very, very... like keeping to herself. After a few minutes... I would say that she would... she would address the party, just... "We're going to load him up on our carriage. And probably take some time before we head out again." Not making eye contact the entire time. Taveen would step forward, "If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know." She would raise her hand. "No, it's fine." Do you want us to at least stay and travel with you in case there are more orbs? She's going to sort of look to the horizon, look around.

I don't think we're going to encounter anymore. Well, what makes you say that? [SIGHS] You ever fought orcs before? I think I've encountered a few in the past, yes. They're not exactly renowned for holding back. If there were more in the area, I think they all would have attacked at once. I mean, it's up to you, but this road has proven its dangers already. If you insist, we'll go on without you, but... are you certain? Yeah, I'm going to take some time. We'll probably see you in the city eventually. As you wish. Be safe. She's going to nod her head. What would Arya be doing at this point, after a few minutes have passed?

Um, more of the same. Just like inconsolable? Okay, well, she's having a panic attack. Like, honestly, not right now. Like, it's not... It's... She's not really... aware of stuff right now. Like, it's... Like... Like, until someone talks to her or something, she's not going to react to anything for a bit. Okay. So, everyone's kind of licked their wounds and they're kind of healing up using some bandages, stuff like that, just to kind of... But if time keeps going on and Arya's just still curled up on the ground, Thea would approach again and just kind of do the thing where you shake someone's shoulder, like, "Hey.

Hey, buddy." Like that kind of thing. Just... And he would... "You okay?" She will kind of, like, reflexively kind of, like, look up at him and... Clearly, like, her face tears everything and she's not doing well. She's gonna kind of, like, look away and sort of shake her head. Is there anything I can do? Just... I just... I need a few minutes. I'm sorry. Malchus will kind of crouch in front of Arya. And he'll say, "Is it the powers or the violence or both?" I... Yes. I haven't killed anyone before and it was... And then... It just... You did what you had to do today.

You took a violent situation and you stopped people you cared about from getting hurt any worse than they did. I saw you out there. You're responsible for a lot of the reasons why we're on our feet at the moment. You did well. (SIGHS) The vomiting thing is a little unbecoming, but you did very well. Is that Arya actually laughing? Yeah, no, it's... Yeah. Okay, yeah. Malchus will smirk then that he got a laugh out of her. It takes a lot out of me to... The magic... I... I've seen powers like yours before. At that, she's going to look right at him. And as they're talking to her, she is kind of calming down a bit, but...

I don't know much about them, but I've... I knew someone with powers like yours. You have? That's... I... I've spent so long trying to figure out what the hell it is and... there is nothing. In the event we run into her and she... does not desire to kill me, maybe she'll be able to help educate you. Another one of your old friends, then, from Winterhaven or...? Another one of my old friends. Let's get you in the carriage. I know you need time to recover, but you can do that just as easily on awkwardly stitched velvet cushions as you can out here on the ground.

Theo would lean over. It's not that bad. It's... (LAUGHS) Imperfect. Tiffany would lean over. I'm trying to fix it for you. I know, and you're... Look, never... Just help me get her into the carriage, and we'll keep moving. I am not quite as convinced that these roads are safe as our makeshift allies are. She will kind of like... just a bit shaky, but she'll get to her feet. We should... I guess... So, Jason, you had said last time that they had put up a flag or something, right? Like they put something in the ground? Yep. Okay, so, Haria will kind of like... look over at that.

She's like, "We should get that or something. Like, look at the body, see if there's anything, like why they were here, maybe. The city would want to know or something." You said as a knight of Winterhaven, this would be of interest to you, so maybe others there would want to know what's happening? Good point, good point. You sit, though. Theo, can you search the orcs' bodies? Tevin and I will walk up to where they were stationed. Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'll get on it. Tevin, you're with me? Yep, I can come with you. Unless, in Aria, you can make it to the carriage okay, or do you need help?

Oh, I assumed Theo was in the vicinity to keep an eye on her. Okay. Yeah, Aria would actually help Theo look at the bodies. Like, she doesn't just want to, like if everyone else is doing stuff, she's gonna do stuff too. Like, she doesn't want to just like sit there, like... and she wants to be doing something helpful, so... Adventure Dad told you to sit. You're gonna sit. Listen, listen. You can't tell me what to do. I mean, Malchus isn't gonna push the issue. He's just gonna walk up to where the flag is at this point, yeah. Yeah, I mean, she's not like doing much, just really kind of like tailing after, like walking along with Theo, pretty much.

It's not like... I'm just like, yeah, I'm not just gonna... Like, she would feel bad if she just sat there and just did nothing, so that's what she'll do. Okay. Let's see here. So, let's deal with these bodies first, 'cause that's the closest. And let me have you roll a Perception check, just to kind of get a scope of the... Okay. Does Theo get to roll one too? Yep. That's gonna... Unless he rolls really high, it probably won't... I know. Yeah. Oh my God, you guys have the same Perception. -You're Perception studies, yeah. -Seriously? High five, actually has a...

Ha! Nice! Oh, we don't have the same Perception check. I'm just gonna roll one. I'm gonna roll one. Oh, we don't have the same Perception, sorry. -I was working with the roll. -No, we don't. Yeah, I was just like, really? Dude, that would be really awesome. That means that his Wisdom is incredibly high. -He's like level three. -It's not. -But yeah. -It's not bad at all. There's a difference of ten there. So, you're gonna find a bunch of obviously, like, crudely made orcish weapons and stuff like that. A lot of it's made out of the teeth of animals and things. Just very crude hacking slashing tools.

You're gonna find some steel, like, some steel swords and axes and things like that. And, you know, shields and things like that. But a lot of this is plundered from either caravans or people, dwarves, a lot of dwarven weapons in here. And that'll be from dead dwarves up north that they had fought. Beyond that, you're not gonna find really a lot of gold or valuable items that you could take into town. What you will find is very large sets of armor, like, just basic stuff that would guard the chest, legs, things like that. It's just to cover vital organs.

They don't care about discomfort or things like that. Like, if they get caught in the armor or lower leg, something like that, as long as it doesn't hinder them in combat, they don't care. A lot of orcs don't even bother with upper body armor at all because they feel like it restricts their movement. And it hinders them in combat. So they'll just take an arrow shot to the chest or, you know, sword slash, something like that. They don't care. So a lot of the stuff you're gonna find is, like, if someone were really in the market for it, something like that, but you're not gonna sell it back to the orcs and you're not really gonna...

Gold-wise, you're only gonna find about 100 gold, like, total. 'Cause it's not like these guys really trade in town. It's basically whatever they stole from other people. OK. That makes sense. Yeah. I guess after we're done looking through the bodies, Ariel will turn to Theo and is like, "Should we do something with the corpses? Like, I don't know. It doesn't feel right to just leave them here." We have to dig a lot of really big holes. Hmm. Well, maybe we can move them, like, in the trees or something. Just not lying out in the open. That feels better. Um, OK.

And he's gonna look down to the nearest one. Do you wanna give me a hand? So not. OK. Here's something fun. Could you give me a raw strength check? Me and my noodle arms are here now. OK. It's not horrible. Oh, I was gonna say a raw strength check. Athletics will work. That'll be fine. Yeah, let's do that instead. That'll be fine. We'll just go with that. So, with a lot of effort, you guys are basically going to, like... Theo would probably grab the upper body, I would imagine, or he would grab, like, feet. So these big, like, thick boots, and just, like, just dragging.

And what it is is essentially, there's a severe dip in the middle. Basically, you're lifting both ends up a couple of inches, and just, like, and just the sound of its body just, like, just dragging into the dirt and mud, just... And every couple of seconds, just taking, it's like, "OK, hold on a second. Like that. While you're doing that, how about we catch up with Malchus and Tevinne? 'Cause that's gonna be a while. We're trying, OK? We have two horses, guys. We're doing our best. So Malchus and Tevinne are taking off for that hilltop where they were basically setting up?

- Yep. - OK. So it's gonna take you guys a while to get there. Probably a good, like, 10, 15 minutes if you were really kind of, like, you know, not sprinting, but just a nice, like, brisk walking pace. And getting there, do me a favor, roll a perception check, the two of you. Yes. - Not Aria good, but I'm good. - That's what I'm looking for. - Ooh. - Ooh. That was much. Mmm, a hill. With a flagpole. Yeah, that's gonna be the big thing you guys notice is they were definitely marking territory. It was probably... It was probably to either send a message just for people to stay away or that they were definitely just claiming this little bit of territory.

And what you're gonna see in the... First of all, you're gonna see their big, like, banner/flag type thing. They were... It was to send a very clear message. And you can always tell it's orcish 'cause it's not like it's... Like, okay, for, like, Winterhaven. If Winterhaven were to claim an area or to send a message like, "Hey, this town is under our protection," something like that, there's a lot of fine embroidery that goes along with it. They're very proud of their stuff. And it's a pretty big city, so it's... There's a little bit of pride on the line, right?

With the orcs, it's kind of this tattered piece of cloth. They usually paint using a substance like blood or something like that. Again, it's all to send a message. It's kind of like a land-based pirate flag type of thing. It's like, "Don't fuck with us," that type of thing. And they've learned over the years that using something like that is a good... It's a pretty clear indicator to beat. And their flags will be slightly different based on what orcish clan and all that stuff. They all pretty much fly into the same banner, but they like their groups to get credit for kills or land, something like that.

So you're also going to find that they were getting ready to build a pretty massive campfire. They were going to set up tents and things like that. There's all kinds of stuff sitting around here that is pretty clear evidence they were in it for the long haul. They were going to live here for a while. No marching orders, nothing like that. No... No written documents of any kind? No written documents. Nothing that... There's no... There's no clear evidence that they were sent here. But do me a favor. Either roll a nature or history check for me. Yeah, I feel like Malchus would try history.

Oh, I'll do a nature. All right. Okay. Historically speaking, the orcs are not strong writers. Not crazy. You're not going to find a lot of orcish books out there. Not a lot of... They're not book-learned peoples. So it's kind of rare to find written orders. They don't do that. It's mostly spoken. It's someone sending a message like, "Hey, go do this," and then come back. So you're not going to find a lot of stuff like that. And it's not completely out of the order that you'll find a camp like this and just find no evidence. It's like, "Oh, that makes sense." So nature-wise, Taveen would know that the orcs wouldn't trust written orders if they did get them.

It would be more like, "Oh, why didn't that person say it to my face?" That type of thing. If you're not strong enough to give an order to someone's face, then you're not strong enough to give an order, basically, is how they operate. They find getting male emasculating, like, really? They're really... Yeah. They're the hyper-aggressive frat boys of the... -Sotharian world. -I guess. So there's all the stuff to build an encampment. -Yes. -Not an encampment, but yeah, an encampment. They haven't been here long, is basically what you're getting. Okay. Do you think we should leave it or...?

No. I wouldn't want to just light a fire on it and leave it. No. I suppose we can... Scrounge it for anything useful and then knock down the tents. Just... Random happenstance, huh? I guess. If we hadn't killed them all, maybe we would have been able to talk to one. Orcs don't prisoner well, as far as I can tell. And Malkus just kind of like wanders through it for a minute, and looking at everything, and he comes over the flagpole, and he will manifest his shadowy Blade of Destruction, and he'll just kind of like lop the pole in half, and take the flag end as a sort of trophy/ "Hey, we did something for Winterhaven out in the field." He'll lop that off and kind of roll it up around the post and take it with him.

Alright. Are you guys heading back? Is there anything we can... like, anything else worse to really collect? I mean, is there like food rations or anything? There'd be some food and stuff like that. It would be... Well, orcs have kind of a... They have a bit of an iron stomach when it comes to... I mean, like, you wouldn't want to eat a lot of the food. Like, they will eat raw pork and beef and things like that. They sometimes cook food, but they will just... If they kill a goat, something like that, they will rip one of the legs off and eat it on the spot.

Like, they are... So, you will find some meat and things like that. They don't bother to cure meat or dry it. So, a lot of that stuff will have flies and things. Like, you could definitely take it and maybe cook it and save some of it. Mmm... - That's not really top priority, right? - Nah, it's really not. Yeah. No, I was thinking if there's anything that's maybe been pilfered, like blankets or, you know, clothing that's still sort of intact or anything of that nature, that they haven't, you know, destroyed. Okay. Checking... Okay. So, in the time it takes you guys to go check this out and come back, about 25 to 30 minutes would pass.

I would say that one and a half of these bodies would have been taken to the tree line in that time. - High five! - Just based on heft and the people tracking. Because you're not going to get faster at it as time goes on. (LAUGHTER) - So, we're coming back to where they are? - Yeah. You guys would get back to see them dragging a second body. Like, you'd kind of look, it's like, "Okay. "I see one of these bodies by the tree." You can kind of quickly assemble. It's like, "Oh, I see where you're going for." And then you can kind of see them, just red-faced Theo, just pulling and tugging, just covered in sweat.

Okay. Not too... She's very determined look on her face. Noodle arms, like, he turns... All right, why don't you guys take a little breather. Jason, would I be able to unhook the horses from the carriage - and just use them to haul? - Sure. Sure, if that's what you guys are doing, yeah. - We're... - I don't have much strength. We're making a project out of this? Well, I mean, it is a good idea to at least sort of stow them, so they're not laying out here in the road for anybody else who stumbles upon them. We don't want, I mean, if by chance another band of orcs comes riding through, at least make them work for it.

I thought this sent a nice message. They were still people. We should have just leave them there. Oh, fine. Do it with the horses. Get it done. All right. Tavene, do me a favor, roll a NATURE CHECK for me. I can do that. Let's see how long this is going to take. We'll just kind of fast forward to this. Oh, OK. Can I imagine as Tavene goes to get the horses, Ari's just kind of like, "Oh, right." Like, that makes much more sense. If only there was some animal that we could use to make this job. Yeah, Tavene pulls out her big, wide-brimmed hat and pulls it on, like her farmer hat, and she's like, "All right, I know what I'm doing now." I would say another half hour would pass.

Another half hour and these bodies would be moved and sort of, I guess, lined up along this little tree line here. So all said and done, this entire endeavor, from the point where you guys were spotted, well, almost spotted by the orcs, you guys pull over to the tree line. A good hour and a half has been eaten out of your day. It's a good thing we're not on any sort of time limit or anything, unlike some people. Fair. We're almost not about to end. Yeah, it's OK. We've got all the time and forever, guys. The world is ours. OK, so that's good. We did the thing.

Yeah. Would you guys be hooking up and taking off? I feel like Arya would at least want to kind of just check in on the other carriage wagon before you take off. Just like... Yeah. Yeah, in the time that all this was going on, Leia would have loaded up Bill in the back of this carriage as respectfully as possible. The carriage was pretty packed, so things would have been moved. Yeah, just kind of arms folded, just as nicely as possible. And, yeah, the extra horse would have been sort of pulled around to the side and would have been walking near the carriage and such.

Yeah. She's not going to say anything. She just wanted to... Oh, just check? Peek and make sure it's like, "Hurl, hurl, hurl, good." Right. Yeah. You know, it's not... Shh, shh. Yeah, you can kind of tell they're taking a little time. Yeah, totally. Dwarf's a little nervous about this, just because it's like, "Hey, maybe get to the big city with all the protection." And, yeah. So what about the rest of you guys? How are you feeling? Ready to go. Yeah, Malphus is ready to roll. All right. Thea would load up in the back of this carriage. So, we would go ahead and take the reins of the horses.

She probably would have given them a little treats, too. Arya's also going to get in the back of the carriage and upon sitting down, immediately pull out rations or granola bars or whatever they have for the facts to eat. -Snack max. -Yeah, exactly, basically. You guys definitely... You stocked up on food, that's for sure. -Okay, good. -You guys have snacky snacks. She's going to be eating on that, because... Sion stuff, it's energy, and energy's got to come from somewhere, so it's got to eat lots of food. That's what she'll be doing, and then probably after that, just like, take a nap.

Fall asleep. Yeah, you guys got hours before you're to the city. At this rate, you won't be there until well after nightfall. So you'll be okay. But we knew the body, so it was important, and we did it. -So that's good. -Yeah. Here's what we're going to do. We're just going to push forward in time, and we're going to let hours pass here. While you're on the road, is there anything you guys want to talk about, or anything like that? While you're just rocking along here? Taveen might turn around and ask Aria, and also kind of Malkus as well, about her "magic", because I don't think she's seen Sions before, has she?

No. Okay. Yeah, so she just turned around and be like, "So, your magic, Aria, what... I haven't seen anything like that, and Malkus, you said you've seen somebody, or you know somebody who has similar magic? Power?" I do. I don't know much about it. I know that it's weaponized via strong emotions, but other than that, I've been hit by it before. Wasn't pleasant, as our orcish companions discovered, but I wasn't in a position to do research, let's say, when I was introduced to it. Theo would look to Aria. Does it hurt? It doesn't hurt. It takes a lot out of me, especially if I do what I did back there.

I've had it for a while, and like Malkus said, it's kind of emotions. I think it... I'm not really sure exactly how I'm supposed to use it, or... I don't have really the best handle on it. It seems to work better when I'm with other people, though. I think it's... It doesn't always do what I want it to, but I've managed to make it work. But yeah, it doesn't hurt at all. I mean, it kind of feels a bit static almost, but when I'm in the moment, it just is, and there's not much thought behind it. Malkus, the other girl you know that has this power, is she also a very tiny thing?

She was a bit on the small side. Not necessarily sure what that has to do with anything. Just wondering if it's compressed energy. Small, tiny package of compact energy. I'm not that small. Tevinne's gonna look down at herself. Sorry, I'm a man. Everybody's small to me. I suppose that's true. But it's definitely not anything related to physical strength, believe me. They're the person I knew. At one point, a witch became interested in claiming her. You haven't been sought out by any supernatural entities, have you? Not that I'm aware of. I mean, I don't know if I would know for sure, but I haven't encountered anything like that, I don't think.

I mean, aside from the various... Well, I guess the monsters and stuff underground, you wouldn't really call that supernatural, but no. Nothing like a witch or anything. How old were you when it first started? She'll kind of look away at that. Around 12, 13. About seven, eight years ago. And was there any stimulus that started it? Was there any event, any exposure to a power? Her... Like, she's gonna... Her face is gonna tighten up a bit and she'll nod. She's not gonna say anything. I mean, as much or as little as you feel like sharing. I know you want to know more about what it is you can do.

So... I'm sorry. It wasn't a good thing and... It was... It just happened. I wasn't expecting it to and... It wasn't a good time, but... Look, if you're uncomfortable talking about it for your own sake, that's fine. But if you're worried, I'm going to judge you. I am the king of not good things. (GIGGLES) Not now, but... I'm... Malchus just puts a hand up and says, "I understand. Just know that when you're traveling with people and you have to fight back to back against enemies, lives on the line doesn't hurt to trust people." She'll smile at him and nod. Just...

It's nothing. I mean, you have plenty of opportunity to kill me if you wanted to. And like you said, fighting back to back. But I guess I'm still not really... I'm processing it myself. But enough about that and my power. So, you with the whole... And she'll kind of wave her arm around like a fist, like mimicking a sword, kind of. So what's with that? Because that was pretty cool. It is... As far as I know, it has something to do with my father. The warlock arts in general are something bestowed. In my case, typically by demonic forces. I've never had such an interaction, so...

I'm led to believe it's something that was passed down to me by my father through blood. Either way, it manifested first during my teenage years, and, well, during that time, the Grimnus family was not as fortunate. I was glad to have leverage. It gave me the ability to protect the people I cared about, protect our investments, grow and defend ourselves. And in my own way, it's helped me fit in, doing the dark things that nobody wants to dirty their hands with. People may look at you funny for taking care of it, but many of them come to understand that people like me are necessary.

He's gonna kind of blink at that. It's like... It's like, "Cool powers! I am the darkness that's cluttering me." Just silently. "I am the terror that quacks in the night!" Basically. But no, he says, "As I've gotten better at it, it has become less natural. More disturbing, even. It was miraculous and powerful and wonderful when I could..." And he just kind of gestures his hand and curls his fingers around the sword of darkness that forms in his hand and then lets it just kind of smoke away. It was wonderful when it was that, but as I've practiced more, it's...

And let's see, I didn't fire off the "become covered in spikes" power. -No. -No, you didn't do that one. No. Malchus specifically scoots off of the cushions before he does this, because he wants to put on the cushions. But then he, like, you know, he just like extrudes a bunch of spikes out of his body. And he says, "Let's just say ordinary people find this one considerably less settling than the other one." You do that in the carriage? Yeah, yeah. I'm so glad I'm outside. How close are you sitting to others? Yeah, I'm just curious. I know you're not doing it to hurt anything.

I'm just curious, like... I just stand up on the floor of the carriage and make sure I'm not sitting on the cushion. OK, that's what I was wondering. It's like, do you hate this carriage so much? No, no, you're the part where I said I stand up. OK, I'm sorry, I missed that part. -Just before he finds it. -OK, yeah. I'm very... Like, look, I'm not trying to make the carriage worse. OK, OK. I'm going to make there a reason to be reupholstered. I need to... I think Tevene would have scolded you if you did that. Like, come on! I'm trying to help you. This is an investment.

-Turn this carriage around. -No. But yeah, so Malchus goes on. But I play the hand I'm dealt and I use the tools that run through my veins. Does it hurt when you do that? It is not pleasant. Thea would be like, then stop. Well, sometimes... Sometimes you need to be the guy covered in pointy spikes to win the fight. All of the things that I do out here are based around necessity. I mean, it's not... It's not a pleasant life. But it very often pays well. And when people understand, they're often very thankful. When Malchus says necessity, Aria's going to kind of glance down at the velvet line cushions and then look back to him.

Malchus looks into her eyes, just like perfectly straight face, goes, "Orcard, play hard." Oh, no. Please leave that in, Jason. You should leave that in. That was in character. I was never going to cut it. That's good. That's good. Okay. Well, I was going to pass here while you were on the road. And thankfully, you're not going to encounter anything terrible on the way. Beyond the whole orcish adventure you guys had. So it's going to be kind of late at night by the time you get there. The sun is set a few hours ago. Everyone do me a favor, roll a perception check.

Yeah. There are dragons around, guys. I went a little lower. Good Lord, you guys are perceptive. High five. Yes, 31 buddies. Not quite that. It's literally 31, 31, 13. You split the numbers. He tried. Look, I've got a mean brood going on here. I can't be troubled with perception checks. What about Theo? Oh, God, yeah. Can I roll for the horses? -Ah, see? -Okay, we got two 31s and two 13s. What is this? What is happening? Theo and Malchus are perception buddies. So rolling up here, you guys are going to reach the gates, the front gates of Winterhaven, which are open right now.

There are... The city's alight with torches. It's not quite late enough that everyone's turned in and stuff. It's around 10, 30, 11 o'clock, somewhere in there. Which means you guys are pretty exhausted after your day. Thankfully, you've been riding around in a carriage and not on horseback and certainly not walking like plebes. So that's awesome. There are guards standing by who aren't... They aren't going to stop you because you're in a carriage that... Okay, this carriage doesn't scream troublemaker, let's say. -It's not like, "Hey, guys." -It doesn't?

It really doesn't. This carriage isn't like, "Got some real tough customers coming in." It's not that. Is anything more spectacle, like maybe a performer or salesman? Like kind of a... And by salesman, it's more snake oil-y? Kind of just... That's exactly what I'm saying. It's like troublemaker, yes, but not necessarily the thugest. Right, yeah, nothing that they can't handle once you're in town. This isn't like, "Holy shit, a roving band of orcs is coming in," or something like that. This is... Yeah, so you're not sending that message with this carriage. If anything, you guys are kind of flying under the radar, which is the opposite of the intended purpose, I think.

So you guys would be able to, if you wanted to, just roll straight through. You're gonna get checked out. They're gonna be looking, like, "Who is in there?" That type of thing, but it's not aggressive. Okay. Sabine would probably lean back and be like, "Hey, Malchus, where should we go? This is your town, so..." -"Wait." -"Um..." "How much has Winterhaven changed since Malchus was last there?" Oh, boy, howdy. -Oh, you know what? Let's get the... -Hey, Howdy. Okay. This perception check will persist here. 'Cause rolling through the gates, some damage was incurred in the city.

There are a couple of buildings that have been smashed there. They're clearly under construction again. And that is something that's been going on ever since the big battle that took place outside of Winterhaven. Like, there's been some construction going on for a while now. Other than that, the city itself hasn't changed too drastically since Malchus is there. There are a couple of taverns that are open this late at night. If you guys wanted to stop and get a drink or a bite to eat, you could totally do that. If you guys are looking for an inn, that's something completely doable as well.

If you're just looking to get some sleep. I don't know if you're looking to... What was the first thing you wanted to do when you got here? Well, I mean, it being this late at night, I don't want to disturb people just to get an audience or something. I think it's more like, let's find an inn, let's get our horses stabled, and let's kind of rest it off. We had a fight today, so... Okay. So you get a couple of different options. Are you looking to play... Okay. I don't even know why I'm asking this. Are you looking to stay in more of a low rent inn or are you looking for something a bit fancier, something a little fluffier?

I don't even know why I'm asking. Yeah, you... Yeah, okay. -It's really kind of a... -Darwin has the blinking neon sign. Yeah. You're looking to stay at an inn to charge us by the hour. -Me? -Oh, no. -Not that kind of inn. -Maybe just a shag. Not that kind of inn. We already did that one in Dirt Hollow. We're good. There... Okay. There is one literally called the Fancy Gentleman, -which is... -Oh, my God. What a coincidence. I'm a fancy gentleman. -You have a monocle. -A guy like me. I'm a guy like me. Malchus does not have a monocle, no. We need to upgrade you. He may have to.

For his dress uniform. For his dress uniform? The Fancy Gentleman is actually... There are two separate buildings that are right next to each other. One is the Fancy Gentleman, which is this large double-story inn. And right next to that is a pub called the Thin Bear. So if it's one of those things, it's like, "Hey!" And the Thin Bear, both are still open. The inn stays open all night, and the pub usually closes somewhere in the early morning. And does the Fancy Gentleman have stables attached to it for the horses? There are stables nearby. It's not at the inn itself, but you can totally drop off your...

Yeah, because that is not uncommon, obviously. Yeah. And of course they have a place to put your carriage, so no one will vandalize it or steal it. [LAUGHS] That's probably what Tabine would say. I'll handle the horses in the carriage if you guys want to go in and grab a table or rooms or whatever. I'll get it arranged. All right. One second. I am placing the battle map down. [LAUGHTER] We're not there yet. We're not there yet. I want you to roll a flat d20 with like a minus six penalty for being gaudy. Because I don't like you. [LAUGHS] Complain and it's minus seven. [LAUGHTER] We're gonna turn hollow into it.

Game word was in there. [LAUGHTER] I was even gonna say, normally I would want to come out with the horses and stuff, but having heard a bit of what might be awaiting them, I'm wondering if you should probably stick a bit with Malchus just to be like, "You probably shouldn't be alone here right now." [LAUGHS] Just to be extra safe and whatnot. So, okay. So jumping out of the carriage and stuff like that, Thea would kind of have a thing where it's like, carrying himself almost like, "Well, it's only a matter of time before I get knighted here. I want to get to know my new city." That type of thing.

He's very confident in... And he's gonna kind of sidle up next to Malchus. Is this a thing where you're stopping in at the bar or the inn? Let's establish the rooms first, and then we can have a little nightcap. Alrighty. So he would totally walk in with you in this inn, and there would be kind of a knight manager type of thing, because at this point, everyone who... The only people who are gonna stop in is people arriving in the city late at night. And there's going to be this... older-looking tiefling fellow running the counter. And as soon as you walk in, he's gonna look up and just sort of looking...

You know that thing where someone's wearing glasses and they're not looking through the glasses? It's kind of that librarian stare? - Mm. - That. Okay. And he's going to look up, "Can I help you?" I give him the secret tiefling handshake, but only to you. Oh, okay, cool. You get the discount then. (LAUGHTER) No, I... (LAUGHTER) You touch tail tips, that's... Oh, that's just... That is gross. That is not something... No. (LAUGHTER) - I barely know him. - Yeah. That is something very intimate. (LAUGHTER) (LAUGHTER) That is not what we do. (LAUGHTER) No. No, uh, Malchus, um...

Good evening. We need two rooms, two beds each. And he's gonna check this ledger for availability. "I believe that we can accommodate you. "How long will you be staying, sir?" Mm. Yet to be determined. And he's gonna be jotting down notes the entire time. "All right." And he's gonna kind of sit back for just a moment. "Do I know you from somewhere?" (CHUCKLING) Malchus kind of, like, shifts his eyes back and forth, and he goes, "That depends. Is it a happy-know-you or a... "less-than-happy-know-you?" Honestly, it's just a... a feeling like I've, uh... Like I've seen your face before.

I just... I can't quite place it. I've never been good at faces, though. And he's gonna go back to writing in this ledger. "All right. "What we can do is start a running tab. "Will you be needing any other services? "Laundry, armor-cleaning, weapon-sharpening, that type of thing?" Uh... I think so. We should probably look our best. "Anything to check or guard? Anything like that?" We'll keep our most important possessions up in our quarters. Let's see, if the horses are getting stabled... I guess the stables nearby. Will they look after our carriage, too, or... should that be somewhere closer to here?

No, no, no. We'll take care of it. Everything's fine. Thank you. And continuing to jot a few things down, and he's gonna reach out his hand. My name's Sal, by the way. Oh, uh, Raka. Nice to meet you. Of course. I'll go get your keys. Just give me one moment. He was gonna kind of, like... I thought you were gonna tell everybody who you were when you got here. It's late. I don't want to deal with the consequences if they're not happy to see me. Oh, okay. Should I come up with a fake name? I think you're fine, Theo. Theo, give me the best you've got. Go on. What'd you have in mind?

I was thinking Dirk Hardrock. Totally in character laugh, by the way. Dirk Hardrock, oh my god. Are we all coming up with names? I cannot believe... Malchus is just like... He's like restraining a laugh. And he goes, "I think that'll do nicely. So use the alias when you don't want people to know that you're Theo, and, you know, then if we figure out things are safe, you can reveal your true identity." Gotcha. Gotcha. He's gonna look over to Arya. Again, I've made some enemies in Brightport, so I just want to make sure that... that everything's fine. So I'll kind of look over at Malchus and then nod slowly.

When he... not completely on the same, like agreeing with this, like, okay, for now, she'll go with along with the joke. Right, he'll look over to Malchus. It's like, "It's okay. I told her all about my past as a criminal." He's adorable. Oh my god. And let's see, Arya, you can be, I don't know, Voluptuous Nightshade. And he's like totally smirking with him. Like, he's totally playing this up now. It's just like flat, like, not, not like she's just staring at him. Like, no. It's not like, no. Well, look, bookish Nightshade is not very commutative. So... And Malchus just like shrugs like, "What are you gonna do?" I think I might be able to think of something a bit better overnight if we really need something like that.

Okay. A good alias is very important. He looks at Theo and he just nods vigorously. Theo will nod back knowing it was like, "Mm-hmm. Don't I know it?" Like that kind of... So, Sal will come back with the keys. If there's anything that you require, please don't hesitate in reaching out to us. Of course. Your rooms are on the second floor. Malchus takes the keys and heads off to fetch Tavine and get them accommodated. All right. So, Tavine, I would imagine after a little bit, would have the horses squared away, the carriages all right. Nothing's gonna be stolen.

They're gonna be looking after things. And it's all kind of integrated into the price of your room. So, yeah. Okay. So, I don't know what the sleeping arrangements are, whatever. But you guys got a couple of rooms, you got some beds, you are pretty much squared away. What would you guys like to do? You're loose in the big city. Once Malchus gets his supplies kind of stuff into the room, and he's gonna go ahead down to the thin bear and he's gonna go ahead and get his food. He's gonna go ahead down to the thin bear and get a couple shots. Lovely. Othea would be in tow.

He would be lockstep right there with you. He would also be encouraging Tavine and Arya to join too, if they weren't already. So, Malchus exits into the hall and he knocks on Tavine and Arya's door. Yes? Dirk and I are going down to the thin bear for drinks and he looks at Theo and just nods. Theo would lean in, "I'm Dirk." Oh, God. Does he whisper through the-- Oh, wait, did Tavine open the door? Honestly, she cracked the door. Okay. That's me, okay, never mind. It would be like that kind of like nod, "I'm Dirk," and then just like, "Hmm." Like just kind of-- No, no, no.

When he says that, Malchus looks back at him and looks between him and Tavine, looks back at Theo and goes, "Well, practice introducing yourself. This needs to come out naturally. Introduce yourself as Tavine." Okay. Do I need a voice or is it just-- -Is just the name okay? -Yes, voice is okay. Malchus can barely contain his laughter. He goes, "Doesn't hurt. Doesn't hurt to have a good voice." Okay, okay, I can do this, hold on. Why, hello. Dirk Hardrock. And he's going to extend his-- And he's kind of doing this weird twisty thing with his body where he's just almost flexing, but not quite.

I got nothing. [laughter] Tavine, you say he's holding out a hand? Yeah, I like to shake. So Tavine would kind of take it with almost awkward-- The flourish where you hold out the one arm like you're curtsying almost. But, you know, do the, "It's a lovely pleasure to meet you." He's going to beam Eirí here like, "I did it!" Like just very, very happy with himself. And Malchus looks to Tavine and says, "You should have an alias too. You're staying with Voluptuous Nightshade, so make sure to refer to her accordingly." I'm not going by Voluptuous Nightshade. [laughter] Just like how you mentioned that calling around the door.

Yeah, oh yeah, no. If either of you want to join us, we're going down to the Thin Bear for drinks. I would love to. Let me just get cleaned up a few, you know, a little bit. And she's going to look down like, because she's pretty grimy. So she just wants to kind of like clean up a bit before heading down. We'll see you down there. Thea would turn to Malchus. "Shall we?" Like kind of gesturing down the hallway. "Of course, Dirk. Onward." [laughter] I imagine that like as soon as like Tabitha closes the door, both her and Arya just like die, like are dying.

-Yeah. -Like cracking up. -Oh my god. -Yeah. And then Tabitha would be like, "What is that all about? What is going on?" I don't know. Is Malchus going by Raka? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And Dirk Hardrock? What? There are no words. There are no words. [laughter] Yeah, Arya will also like, whatever Tavine, I guess she'll also clean up a bit and then she'll go at whatever Tavine does. Okay. And before Tavine is like getting ready to go, be like, "So are we coming up names?" Like, I'm not very sure why we're coming up with names, but do... Well, I don't think it's necessary at all, but I almost feel like I have to or I'm gonna be stuck with voluptuous nightshade.

Ugh. Yeah, that's... Good luck with that one. Thanks. I mean, Theo likes drow, so... And he's just gonna give Arya a wink, like, "Eh." Just not, like... [laughter] -Let the ship begin. -Nope. Let it begin. Guys, that's D-A-N-D-R fanfiction at GMAT.com. [laughter] It's like the fiction would have to be sub-sub, like... [laughter] It's like two Hugh Grants getting together, "Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, no, I'm sorry. Oh, my God." [laughter] So sorry. And it has to use voluptuous nightshade. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Dirk grabbed voluptuous... Oh! It's like Theo's writing fanfiction. [laughter] -Oh, gosh.

-It'll be the new split. Oh, no. Oh, okay. That brought me back to Earth. You turned into Hank Hill for a second. Oh. Oh, that fanfic episode. Okay, okay. [laughter] She's like, "Well, I guess I'll go by... Kebi." That sounds actually reasonable. That's good. It was my sister's name, so it's a good name. It is a good name. Shall we? And Tivian's like, "Wait, are you... "If you don't decide something now, it's gonna have to be voluptuous." And she's gonna smile like... Either that or voluptuous is gonna be the middle name when you put it in quotes. You know, like, "Sarah the voluptuous nightshade." Whatever your last name is.

Big words. Do you really think I'll be able to get them to not say that? Or is there even any point in trying? I don't know. It is Malchus and Theo. You're right. I'll just live with it. If anything, you're the odd one out now. -What is that? -Kebi. -Kebi. With a B. -Sorry. That was me being dumb. Listen. Arya can hear things well, unlike me. I'm sure you don't want something like... "Strong mountain crusher." I don't know. I'm not good at that. Uh... "The hornless?" And she's gonna point to her head with no horns. Like, maybe? Close enough. Let's go. "Taveen's nickname really needs workshopping." Fun fact.

Open up the door, then start heading downstairs. And then over to the... What was it called? The thin bear. I'm just imagining... Like, the mangy shaved bears. That's just what I'm picturing. Those things are terrifying. So the sign on the door would be like this bear standing up. Like, big bushy bear with an hourglass figure. Really? Really? This is a furry bar. Oh no. Stop. Listen, you're the one that gave the bear boobs. No, no, no, no, no. Just picture a regular bear standing up, but the waist is really thin. So it's like a horse? Uh huh. Yeah. Okay. "The bartender's voice is muffled beneath his fursuit." So Taveen's gonna be right at home.

Oh no. "We're gonna find some stuff out about each other." Oh no. "Good evening, I'm Foxeye's Silver Mountain." We'll fit right in. Oh my god. So walking in... Do me a favor. So I imagine the party would kind of meet up, because they weren't, like, you guys weren't far behind Malcassen and Theo, and it takes Theo a little while to walk places. Oh, and he didn't take off the armor? He never takes off the armor. He has to train. It's endurance. Here's the thing, it takes him so long to take it off, every time he does, you guys need him to put it back on, so he's just like, "No, I'm fine." He's developing a smell, is the problem.

Oh no! We'll... Another actor on a situation. Not that bad. He doesn't smell like rock. He just... He's not dead. No. Not yet. Don't say that, Jason. That's mean. I don't want him to die. Do you realize what would happen at this point if Theo dies? Like, I'm gonna get letters. I'm gonna get letters. I will mug him at you. I love Theo. I'm gonna show it with a knife. You hated Theo at first. I'll remind you, ma'am. Diana hated me. So, everyone, yeah, do me a favor. Roll Perception and I want to see what you guys see walking into this bar. A drow of minotaurs deeply walking into a bar.

Jeez! Malcassen! Oh, look at you with the respectable reception. I'm shocked when it comes to liquor. Even Theo did well. Alright. For you guys. Walking into this place, there is... This is a bustling little tavern for it being late at night. There's probably like 20, 25 people in here. Bunch of different races, too. This isn't just a predominantly human type bar. You're gonna see a bunch of different people in here. So, walking in, there is a taller gentleman with this kind of wild hair. Almost like mountain man type, unkept hair. Really long and this big bushy beard.

But he's real thin. Just kind of like very, very hairy dude. That's awesome! It's the thin bear! I love it! The second he sees you guys walk through the bar, the door here, he is going to just kind of shout at a lot of you, "Good evening!" Malchus is just kind of stunned. He wasn't ready. I don't think anyone was. He's gonna throw his arms up, just like, you guys are long lost friends he's never met. That's basically like, "Fucking hey!" Very excited. Malchus just goes, "Well, I see the night is younger in here than it was out there. Sorry. Good evening." And he's gonna slam his hand, big, big, big dude just like, he's gonna slam his hand on the counter, "Have a seat!

Come on!" Malchus accepts his invitation. Yep. Tavine would follow up and just be like, "Can I look at Malchus almost questioning, 'Do you know this guy?'" That raised brow looking at him, at the crazy-haired man. Just shrugs, I don't know. Okay. Kind of trying to do her best to hide behind everyone else. A bit startling, but yeah. Theo would take a seat next to you guys. Serious question. Is it at the bar, or is it at table? This would be at the bar. Does Theo need help getting on his stool? Okay, look, I was gonna bring this up. Little bit, here's, you know what, athletics check.

Yeah, no, there's an athletics check involved. I didn't wanna fail it, but you know. I didn't wanna be this guy, but like, okay. Please make him look awesome doing it. So you're gonna go one of two ways. Nice! Oh, okay, this is gonna be pretty smooth. So he's gonna, yeah, he's gonna look fairly smooth, just kind of stride in, just crinkle, clump, clump, clump, crinkle, and then just kind of sit down, just like, yeah, just very, yeah. This isn't Theo, this is Dirk. This Dirk's it. He gets bonus on everything. Dirk's too smooth for this struggling with your armor nonsense.

The bartender's gonna, like, very, very friendly, just like slide an arm over there onto the bar and just lean in, "What can I get you fine folks this evening?" Scotch for me, Dirk. He's gonna, it's gonna take him a second to realize you're talking to him. Oh, yeah, oh, uh, uh, uh, L? Like, he's losing the accent. You can tell, like, he's losing it as, like, he keeps slipping into, like, it's like, oh, wait, yeah, okay, wait, the voice, the voice, what voice did I use? And he's kind of losing the accent, he's, he has frail, and then he's gonna look to Tabin and Arya.

So, Tabin's gonna kind of look over at Dirk and, like, smile and be like, "Well, I would just like some of your finest wine." Okay. I like that, um... He's doing the Adeline accent, I can't believe it. She's doing the eye, like, the eyelash batting and every, like, just laying it on and, like, smiling over at Theo, like, "I got this." Yeah, that's, Theo would be like, "Nice. Excellent." Nailing it. And then look expectedly at Arya, like, "Come on, champ, what you got?" Like, very, like, he's very excited. Oh, no. I, well, it's gonna be disappointing, okay.

Um, do you have any juice? Any-- [laughs] The bartender, by the way, is not at all phased by any of this, like, of course, like, just very happy to help you guys out and anything he can do, anything he can do to make your evening better. You get the sense, like, "Yeah, fuck yes, I got juice. I will hook you up." Yeah. So he's gonna go ahead and get your drinks and get everything ready. So the ambiance of this bar, it's, like, very warm, very cheers, if that were--one of you, at least I know, is old enough to remember cheers as a thing. I know that thing.

That's where Frasier came from. Yes! Both of those are things that sound familiar as titles of TV shows, I think. Oh my god. Ah, just gotta swim upstream, spawn, and die at this point. That's all I have left. The world belongs to you now, precious you. Me and my Pokémon. Um, I was making a Volodials joke, Jason. I'm kidding. So, okay. Very, very kind of warm, friendly environment. It's very, um, not--it's borderline noisy. Like, people are chattering and, like, you know, glasses clinking, having a good time, stuff like that, but not raucous. Not, like, screaming or yelling or anything.

They're just kind of, like, out and about--you get the sense they're just kind of blowing off steam at the end of the night. Something like that. So the bartender's gonna come back and he's gonna settle your drinks up and everything. Name's Asura, by the way. If anyone needs anything, please don't hesitate. Asura, did you say? Asura. Ah, thank you. Oh, I suppose we should introduce ourselves, hm? I'm Rockakin Reaver. This is my friend Dirk Hardrock. Thea's gonna be a finger gun. And down at the other end there are Voluptuous Nightshade. And, um, and he kind of just, like, looks Tevin up and down.

She has a smile and goes, "Don't you remember? You always get it wrong." Buck some broad acres. Wow. I love it! You don't get to escape. You don't get to escape. Malchus is just grinning so hard at Tevin. How--am I sitting on the other side of Thea then? I feel like it's Malchus, Theo, Tevin, Aria. Like, I feel like that's the line up we've got. I feel like she could reach me if she needed to exact her vengeance. How hard would it be to kick his stool out, I'm wondering? Let's roll an athletics check! You might want to try grabbing the back of it and pulling it out more.

I think that would be more doable. Okay, are you serious? Do it. Yeah, yeah. She'd probably be like, "No." Do me a favor, roll an athletics check on an 18 or higher, I'm gonna say yes. Yes! Oh god. Eat it, Malchus. I'm sure Malchus lands flat on his back and he's caught between catching his breath and chuckling to himself. [laughter] I may have had that coming, Miss Broadacres. [laughter] I like that it doesn't stop. Tevin is just shaking her head at you and then just gonna take a sip of her wine. Malchus pulls himself back up and instead of sitting on his stool, he just stands and leans against the bar for safety.

It's probably for your best interest. Mmm, I don't know what that was. I'm just checking stuff, guys. Don't worry. Okay. Yeah, why are you so paranoid? I wonder why when the GM is rolling mysterious dice on the table. Malchus tosses back a bit of his scotch and he says, "So, Asura, right?" That's right. "You have got to tell me, why is this place called the Thin Bear?" He is going to blink very slowly. Really? Malchus goes, "What?" And he looks around and is like, "Is there some taxidermy I should have seen?" He's gonna have this loud belly laugh. Just like it fills the bar.

Malchus kind of bounces off the walls and comes back, "Oh, God. Oh, oh, no, I've, um, I have a bit of a nickname." And then he's gonna wait to see if that lands. Malchus kind of looks at him and goes, "Oh, I see. I see." So, what brings you fine, fine people into the bar tonight? We traveled in from Aubrey over the day. And he's gonna start doing that thing bartenders do where they they're either trying to look busy or actually trying to clean and just kind of like mopping up the bar. "You religious folks?" I can only speak for myself, but no, not as a collective.

We're here to get in touch with some old friends. Possibly still old friends. Little bit up in the air, if you know what I mean. Oh, well, you couldn't have come at a better time. Things have been really quiet after the big fight. Things are being rebuilt. Everyone's so much happier. I mean, relatively speaking. So, things are going well in Winterhaven, then? Well, my business has improved. I can't complain. Everyone, uh, generally pleased with how things turned out fighting the Overwatch? Well, I mean, we're not dead, so I'm pleased. And Malchus raises his glass and he goes, "I'll drink to that." I am so sorry.

I don't usually do this. Did you used to live here or something? And you... your face just looks... I can't place it. I've passed through before. Perhaps you saw me then. Okay, hold on. I can get this. Magician. Uh, gambler. But both work with cards, so you were close. You perform anywhere I might have seen you, or...? I'm a gambler, not a magician. Oh, you don't show off for people? No. He's kind of like leaning over the bar like there's this big hunch where he's just like... He's so tall, he's gotta lean down and say, "Mmm, nope." See, this is gonna bother me.

I know I've seen you before. It's no offense. It's just... people don't usually... Asura, did I ask you a favor, patron to bartender? Sure, sure, sure. Or the moment. Don't think too hard on it. If I end up staying in Winterhaven longer, I'll remind you. Uh, I'm sorry. I must be bothering you. It's if I end up in Winterhaven longer. I promise I'll explain myself. Sure, sure. I'll, um... I'll go check on some of my other guests, and just leave you people to relax. I hurt his feelings. Such a jerk, geez. Ah, it's... well... Well, this is... Maybe she didn't threaten to burn his face off.

True. Very true. He only does that to potential party members. [laughter] Looking forward to it. [laughter] Hello, new friend. I will mutilate you. [laughter] -Freten to exert dominance. -Where do I find? [laughter] He used to pee on people. [laughter] Um... So Malkus kinda turns to the party and says, "Well, I certainly hope things are good with the people in charge tomorrow, because this, uh... This whole alias thing is not turning out as lighthearted as it was for the last half hour." Me sips his alcohol again. Well, um, Theo would start to chime in.

Sorry, hold on. Well... you... I... I'm not good at this thing. Hold on. I can do it. I can do it. I just need to find a voice that, like, is me. You know? I mean, well, is Dirk. A lot of people knew you, though, when you were knighted, right? That doesn't seem right. [laughter] He's just gonna whisper, "A lot of people knew you when you were knighted, right? I mean, you're gonna be pretty recognizable." It's true. Maybe after another drink or two we should keep it an early night. I should get things figured out here before, uh... Things... things get out of hand before I meet too many more people.

I just... I don't... [sigh] This has been hanging over my head for a while now. Literally since... well, since the last time I left. Well... folks seem pretty happy, though. I mean... They do. It's encouraging. [sigh] Things are gonna be all right. They are. They will. Hey, Rob? Yeah? Would you do me a favor and roll a flat D20 for me? Uh-uh. Sure. Thank you. Come on, big money. Daddy's a gambler. Hey. Hey, 13. 13. Okay. Lucky number 13. Nice. Could have been worse. That is above half. Yeah. That's a saving throw right there. Was there anything else you were gonna say? Yeah, Taveen was after he was kinda like getting to the... almost like more sullen part.

You know, towards the end she would have been like... Here goes with this accent. Oh, Rockaboo Honey Baby, don't you worry your little head. We'll be just fine. And she's gonna smile and like take another sip of her wine. And Malchus starts kinda brightening up again and he says... Oh, you always know how to cheer me up, Miss Broadacres. [laughter] Theo would turn to Arya. [clears throat] He's clearing his throat every time. He's trying to... [scoffs] Are you... hmm. No. It's voluptuous, right? Yeah. Okay. Voluptuous? Are you enjoying yourself? [laughter] Yes.

I... It's fun. [laughter] And the juice is good. So... yeah. It's better than fighting orcs. He's gonna give this, again, big beaming smile as he sips on this ale. This is a little stronger than I'm used to. I'm gonna be honest. Like completely drops the voice. Just drops it for a second. I should have got the juice. [laughter] So. Between the four of us, dramatic, heroic individuals, we must come from quite a colorful life, hmm? Nightshade, Broadacre, Kittenreaver, Hardrock. Did you say Kittenreaver? Or... Oh, absolutely. I'm a very dangerous tiefling, the kind that you hide your children from.

You reave kittens? That's horrible. No, kin. Like... That rocker, he killed his brother. He killed his kin. Oh. Yeah, yeah. Mm. Ooh. Killed family. Extra bad. Oof. Yeah. Wouldn't want to mess with that guy. Yeah. Mm. You know the first time I took on that name, I shaved my head and got some piercings? Really? It was deep cover, alright? Mm-hmm. I had my face was on posters. What was I going to do? Wait, is that when you were hiding out in Brightport? No, it was before that in Uminyuro, actually. Okay. I thought it was going to be a tougher place, but Uminyuro, that could be tough, too, I heard.

Well, it's a very pretentious culture. So, like, unnecessarily charging late fees for books and things. Sure, Dirk. That's the kind of thing they might do. This bartender is going to suddenly kind of, like, light up and spin around. MALCUS GRIMNESS! (laughter) Oh, no. I told you that Jacob's up. We should have run. He's so loud, too. Oh, my gosh. And he's going to walk over. It's like, slam his hand. "That's where I know you from!" And Malkus is just, like, it's like putting his cup down and, like, pulling his hood up and, like, doing, like, the quiet down hands and, like, putting his hands over his face.

And he's like, you know, it's like, "Shh! It's... just... just say that!" Good gods! Malkus Grimness is in my bar! This is... all of your drinks are free. Any friend of Malkus Grimness is a friend of mine. And he's going to, like, slam Malkus on the shoulder, like, repeatedly, just, like, fucking wow. So... you're not going to, like, hand me in for some sort of... any information regarding certain incidents and... there's not one of those things going on for me. What? Look, I don't know anything about posters or whatever. I've seen them. As far as my money goes, you are a friend.

You've helped out this city more than once. You've... I don't believe all that hullabaloo about you being a traitor or a murderer or any of the other stuff that gets around here. And he's gonna... he's gonna kind of, like, bark at the rest of this 'cause... And if any of you believe in any of that, you can get out of the bar right now! Malkus turns around to see if anyone gets out. Couple of people start standing up and make a door. Yeah, did anyone, like, react when he said... Oh, yes! Oh, no! Everyone kind of is like, "What?" Like, first of all, the guy is a little... he does not have an indoor voice.

Yeah. Necessarily. So it's kind of... he's just kind of like, "What?" Like, he just kind of, like, declares it and he kind of has this voice that, like, you're not sure if he's being angry or not. Like, his angry and happy are sort of... they kind of overlap. A couple of people are just gonna, like, make for the door. Like, just kind of like, "Okay." Not like... It's just kind of like, "I don't want any trouble." And they're just kind of like... just, yeah, they're gonna leave. Just, yeah. Okay. I don't see anyone, like, drawing their knife as they stand up.

No! No, no, no. Nothing like that. Okay. Okay. If anything, your reputation precedes you and it's like, "I don't want to fuck with that guy." Yeah. This is the right part where... No. No one's... yeah. No one's trying to be a hero, so to speak. That's good. Yeah. Malchus looks back at Asura and says, "So, those... those people who just left, they're in the minority in Winterhaven?" Pishaw on those people. No, but I mean, like, seriously, are there a lot of them or no? It's... it's important. Ugh. People talk. Some people say you're a murderer. Some people say you killed an entire group of people and that you should be held accountable for your crimes.

And the entire time he's, like, doing, like, finger quotes. Like, he's doing the... This guy's great. Throwing around words like "genocide" or... look, the bottom line is, when we needed you, you were here. At least to me. I mean, there's... there's a bunch of people who would probably disagree, but they don't run this bar! Sure. Malchus is, uh, kinda slowly nodding and, uh, he says, "I'm glad you see it the way I saw it, Asura." I would say, of the people that got up, probably, like, six or seven people just kind of left the bar. What percent of the bar?

Um, like, somewhere in the area, about 33%. Okay. The re- there are a few people who are standing up and sort of, like, closing in around, like, the bar. Just, like... Do me a favor, roll Perception. That's the one I'm bad at. All of us? Uh, the whole group can. Oh, good. Okay. Some of us might see something. Oh. Oh my. Nobody named Grimnus is seeing anything. (laughter) High five, Tavene, again! Woo! We did it. Okay. This feels like where the bad rolls were hiding. Even you. I mean, Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk. He's chomping. (laughter) Sorry. Uh, let's see here. So, you're gonna, you're gonna, you're gonna, it's more of a feeling.

You're gonna kind of feel the bar close in around you, and there are some people, like, moving toward the bar, just, um, some people are, like, down the other end, just kind of, like, sidling up next to the bar and stuff like that, and the entire time the bartender's just giving you this big, wide smile. And someone, one of the, one of the patrons is gonna come up right next to Malkus and put his hand on Malkus' shoulder. Mr. Grimnus? Can I help you? There's gonna be a long, long pause. I look at the face to see if it's someone familiar. Um, you don't recognize it.

Could you maybe tell us a couple of stories about the big, about the big fight, or building the army, or any of that? (exhales) (laughter) Uh, Asura's gonna hear this. Yes, please! I'm about to, like, the entire party just, like, relax in this way. Everyone's, like, reaching for the hilt of their blade or something like that. It's like, "Oh, okay." And Malkus puts his cup of scotch down and whirls in a cape-swishing fashion to face the patrons. (laughs) Well, I guess one or two tales wouldn't hurt. And Malkus, uh, Malkus kind of gestures for them to seat themselves again.

And, um, oh, which one does he tell? (laughter) I feel like Jocks 2 might be a good one to start off on, just like throwing stuff out there if you want ideas. I don't know. Oh my goodness. But that's the whole, like, time travel deal-y. They said something about, like, gathering the army. You can talk about that. Well, see, people would, because Malkus had been in Winterhaven and then had the time thing and has been back to Winterhaven since. Right? Oh yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah. So... But it's a big city and not, like, it's like, um, it's like reading, okay, it's like continually reading newspaper headlines like, "Hero cop saves baby from tree!" or some shit like that.

And it's like, "Oh, tell us about the time you saved that baby from a tree!" That type of thing. Like, they don't know you, they just know of you. Um, okay. Um, yeah, Malkus will regale them with the tale of Drax's tomb and getting up past Camp Icebreaker and, you know, getting across the frozen chasm and all that stuff. And, uh, and, uh, you see, people tell them that, you know, not only will they know now how Drax was finally laid to rest, but they're also going to learn, you know, uh, so, let's see, by actual, like, years passing, how old is Malkus versus how old he is in physical aging?

Well, there are seventeen, there are seventeen years that are unaccounted for, basically, where you were just kind of in stasis. Yeah. So, I believe you were, I mean, you're still technically, like, twenty-five. Yeah. But I'm, like, should be thirty, four, forty-two. We can math. Yeah. You should be in your forties. Yeah. 'Cause you and Valus should technically be the same age, but you're not. Okay, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, Malkus goes into the Holspiel and explains, you know, the big battle with Drax and explains why he seems so ageless. That it's not just his adventurous life, he hasn't found some fountain of youth, but rather that he is a tiefling out of time, that he has been ripped from his normal life and thrust into a life less ordinary.

Okay, I'm sorry, the first thing that popped in my head is, like, "And he hopes every leap is the leap home." Woo-hoo! So, okay, questions. How accurately are you telling this story? Are you leaving in all the little missteps or faults, or is it just, like, are you embellishing it all? How accurate a breakdown is this? I mean, I think what Malkus will do is he will, like, rather than trying to make himself more heroic, any story he retells where he did something questionable, he'll make the people he disagreed with seem worse rather than making himself seem better, right?

Ah, so is there a section about a completely crazed warforged that's- Yeah, yeah, and it's always done in such a way- yet again, our hero was faced with a terrible hard decision, the kinds of decisions that human people just don't have to face in their lives. And yet, out on the open road, beneath the elements, beneath the dragons, in the darkness of forests and on the mountain peaks, I had to do what only a desperate man has to face. There is rapt attention, by the way, as this is going on. There are breaks where he's like, "And that's when we slain the d- it's like, "Ooh, ooh," like that.

Rapt attention. Even Theo is like, "Mm-mm." And Theo would even be doing that kind of thing. He's like, "That's my friend." Just trying to score points with the other bar patrons like, "Yeah, you know, whatever, I knew him before, you know, it was cool to know him, but it's cool." Like, that kind of thing. So, I- Malkus tells only pre-war stories. Okay. Okay. That's the other thing I was gonna add. Yeah, everything that he's saving, but- Okay. And of course, whenever Malkus would run out of beverage, a new one would be poured on the house. And he would drink that.

That would go inside of him. Do me a favor, and would the party roll a Perception for me? Maybe. Mm-hmm. Those are getting lower. Oops, I missed the- I think I missed the box. Hold on. Did you mix the- oh, yeah. That's the alcohol, though. I missed the dice trick. Oh, no. Ooh, those are bad. That's a nature. Oh, I- a real nature. Okay, hold on. They are next to each other. That is worse. Yeah, okay. So, here's the thing. Malkus is completely caught up in telling this story. Like, just compl- like, he's just- he's there, man. He's painting a picture. Like, he's doing that.

Ah, I can't res- it's- man, you just like- this is like putting peanut butter on mouse traps. You just- whatever it is, I have walked into it. Uh, dude, I- that's why I said, like, under my breath, it's like, "Happy birthday, Rob. Like, this is-" Oh, okay. Here it comes. This is the part where it goes to shit. Spill cards out. It's so perfect, though. Like, that roll is just, like, beautiful. Yep. Yep, that natural one on perception. Just- just draw the bead between my eyes, sniper. Into the bar, behind Malkus, through the door, is gonna walk three of the Winterhaven Guard.

And they're gonna watch- they're gonna watch Malkus for- for a few minutes. But after they walk through the- the threshold, they're just gonna kind of stand there. And then after it looks like his story's winding down, they're going to- they're going to approach Malkus. And this one half-orc, uh, gentleman, um, is gonna kind of clamp a hand down on Malkus's shoulder. "Can I speak with you for a moment, Mr. Grimness?" Uh, and Malkus looks up at this half-orc, and then he looks back to his Sora, and he goes, "I thought you said there weren't posters." "I- I didn't say that.

I said I don't believe them. I don't-" "I mean, if- if you're asking if people want to talk to you, well, yes! Some people do." "I- they don't work in this bar, though. You get free drinks!" (laughter) Malkus kind of chews his lip. (laughter) Uh, is here as good a place as any to talk to me? Can we talk in the wonderful atmosphere of the Thin Bear? Ah, and this- this half-orc's gonna look around. "It depends on how much of a spectacle you'd like to make." "We've been asked to escort you to... question you about a few things." "We would rather not place you under arrest, being as how you..." (sigh) And he's gonna sort of lower his voice.

"You are a knight, and we don't wish to embarrass you." "So there's still not going to be any arresting if I come with you, right?" "Normal quarters for the knight? Are you going to question me tonight?" "We more just want to make sure that you don't leave the city." "Is that going to be a problem?" And Malkus actually kind of- kind of straightens up when they say that. And, uh, he says, "I came here to clear the air. I intended to stay the night, get some rest, and then come and visit on my own terms." "Are you willing to take my word that I'm going to sleep next door and come in tomorrow morning?" "Because that is my purpose here.

I would not have come back to Winterhaven had I not intended to make contact with the leadership." "This half-orc's going to look back to the other two guards with him. That makes sense to me." "So, I should tell everyone that you'll be seeing them in the morning." "I will. Oh, and, um, if you have a moment, I, um, I have an orcish banner that I can send with you." "You can show them that, at the very least, while I was on the road, I was acting in Winterhaven's defense." "If you hand the banner to him, he's going to sort of unfurl it and look it over." "It's in my room, though.

I, like-" "Oh, okay." "Yeah, that's why I said I need to get it for him." "But yeah, I'll, like, you know, I kind of give him the gist of, 'Hey, orc raiders in the mountains, they charge down at us, we took them out, we ruined their camp. Here's their banner.'" "And how close was this to the city?" "I tell him." "Ah." "I do, I don't-" "Right, no, that's okay." "Um, again, going to sort of confer with his colleagues. That is concerning." "I agree. That's why we took care of them. But I wasn't convinced that was the last of them, even though there were no more in sight." "It seemed random.

Too random." "Indeed." "I'm sorry, what's your name?" "Kavik." "And Malkus actually reaches out. Is he a knight, quote unquote, as well?" "Not a knight. More head of the guard type thing. Like captain of the guard. Like high up. You can tell the way he's decorated, like he's high up, but not a knight." "Okay. So is captain the appropriate term?" "Yes." "He reaches out to shake his hand and says, 'Captain, as a knight of Winterhaven, I give you my word that I intend to stay and make contact with the leadership tomorrow. I only did not do that tonight because we arrived late.

I didn't want to cause a stir.'" "I believe you. I'll let the house know that you're coming." "I appreciate it. And I appreciate the decency." "The way I see it, you've earned at least that much." "Nalkus nods." "And he's going to give a slight bow and then look back to the rest of your party and kind of like give a slight bow. And he's going to turn and leave with the guard here." "So the guards leave?" "Mm-hmm." "And what has Asura been doing this whole time?" "Just sort of like staring. Just kind of like waiting to see. In his eyes, he's like, 'There shouldn't be any trouble at all.

He's not even sure why the guards would really approach you about this.' It's like, 'Do what you want. You're fucking Malkus Grimnus.' That type of thing." "Malkus turns back to Asura and just gestures along the party and says, 'Asura, these are Theo and Tavine and Arya.' And I wanted to make sure that I followed through on explaining myself entirely like I said I would." "And he's going to give a slight smile and gesture to the rest of the party." "Hello!" [All laugh] "And that would probably be a good time for us to stop for the evening." "Okay." "Hello!" "Hello!" "And the next time we sit down, I guess we're going to get into some heavier stuff." "Yeah." "Yeah!" "But not heavy enough that they arrested me, so that's good." "Ooh, that's a win!" "That was a really good session. That was fun." "And you've been running for two years from this, man." "Mm-hmm." "Wow.

Oh my gosh, it has been two years." "And how much time in Theria time?" "One month, right?" "About a month, yeah." [All laugh] "Group one, everybody. Group one." "One month." "Oh." Two days later, on the 10th of Thorim, many miles away beyond the Ivory Peaks, Una Nalada and Julli Fairway have reached their destination in the Temple of Vecna. The pair have traveled together for over a week and traversed a great distance from their starting point in Esterholt. In the frozen north, in the cold desolence of this tomb, they've found what they're looking for.

"Alright, so to paint a picture, there are these winding corridors and stuff, kind of arced passageways that almost set up like a maze." "And then, I would imagine around every corner, you would just be ready for it." "Okay, well something's in here, obviously, something." "Yeah, it's like on edges, fuck, weapons out, like tiptoeing." "Both of you got weapons of cord gripped, just waiting, waiting. And nothing happens." "And it's just super fucking suspicious eventually, because it's like, you, I would imagine every night you guys are settling down and it's like, I wonder what's in there." "I wonder what, if this place exists, let's say it's there, what's in there? Because something's got to be, you know..." "Giant floating eyeballs, like something." "Something, something.

And then nothing happens. And then you get, you finally reach this, this, obviously it's kind of this large circular room, very, very important, like this is the center of this building." "And it's, imagine like a teardrop almost cut in half vertically." "Ooh, okay, cool." "And it's like baseball size fits in the palm of your hand, but like arcs upward, kind of etchings all over it, kind of a deep blue, almost like a navy blue." "And it's just kind of like resting on this little dais." "And it's just sitting there." "It's not hovering, it's just resting?" "It's just resting." "Ugh, that's like somehow even worse." "Right? It's just, it's just, there's nothing, there's no pomp and circumstance about this thing that could potentially save the world." "And it's, it's, so it's just resting there.

What, how do you feel like, how do you feel like Una would react, like just seeing that, like this, this is like after like a week of straight travel, you know, that." "Okay, so are we picking up like right here and just..." "Yeah, just you're both, I've mentioned like weapons still drawn, everything just very on edge." "Okay, so Una's gonna like be staring at this thing, like totally tense, like every muscle in body just like at the ultimate amount of tension it can handle without snapping." "And just like not look over at Julie, but just kind of like jerk her head in the direction of the object, just like what the fuck, what the shit is this?" "There's no, shouldn't something fucking happen?" "What does it say in your goddamn books?" "It just says it's here, it doesn't say..." "I'll be honest, I was expecting a little more. And she's gonna be staring at it, kind of keeping a respectful distance, just a little more than arms reach away. Again, weapons still drawn, just it's like, well something's gonna jump out." "Okay, Una's gonna like reach forward really gently and just kind of like poke it with the edge of Kord's Fury, just like boop, and then kind of jump back and like ready herself." "And this, again, picture like a large stone teardrop, like fits in your hand, like almost not quite softball, it's like a baseball, and cut in half vertically so it's resting on that curved portion of it and it's just gonna rock gently back and forth." "Ugh!" "And then it's just gonna come to rest eventually, but you're gonna hear, it's sitting on a stone dais, so you're gonna hear that, urgh urgh urgh, like you're gonna hear that and it's just gonna sort of echo throughout the chamber.

And Julie's gonna start looking around like, oh shit, okay, something's gonna happen." "Okay, once it comes to stop, Una's gonna like reach over again and poke the dais, trying to see if there's like some sort of Indiana Jones, you have to swap it out with something the same weight situation, and just kind of like see if it goes down with being pressed. And then same thing, jump back and like ready yourself." "And again, the same thing, it's gonna rock back and forth and then kind of spin just a little bit, cause it's kind of on a curve, and then just come to rest, the dais isn't gonna move. Both you and Julie are gonna notice that there are etchings all around the circular dais, so there's some kind of script written here.

And what it looks to be is Elvin." "We speak Elvin, right? What shirt Una does." "Yeah, Una definitely does. Julie speaks it fairly well. Some of the older stuff is, she's like, oh wait, what's that again? And then looks it up, but yeah, Una would definitely speak it." "Okay, gonna read it then?" Essentially what this breaks down to is not a prophecy, but very much in case of emergency break glass. This is supposed to be the last hope. If the demons were to escape their prison, if they were to slip away from hell and end mass, just invade Theria. This is supposed to give you a fighting chance against them.

And it doesn't exactly, it's kind of vague in how, but toward the end, Una's going to get to it, and Julie would be reading a little slower than Una, but toward the end, it's going to break down that this is one half of the object. Shit. And probably a couple of seconds after, like, Una would react, one half. And then Julie's going to start looking around the room, like, where's the other fucking half? Like, where, where? That's why it's not fucking guarded! Goddamnit. Una's just gonna snatch it off the fucking desk, like, she doesn't even give a shit about it anymore.

It's like, well, fuck. Julie is going to frantically break out. That book can start rummaging through, like, this was not mentioned, like, just, just flipping through. Una's gonna come and, like, stare over her shoulder. Not, like, reading the book, just, like, staring at her over her shoulder, like, figure it out. Where's the other half? A lot of this is in old Elvish. I can't... This doesn't make sense. It should be here. Everything should be here that we need. And she's gonna start investigating the dais itself, and really just try to find, you know, just any clue as to where the second half would be.

Alright. Una's gonna start, like, inspecting the first half. You said it has etchings on it, or, like... Yeah, it's, um, it's more kind of runes carved into the side of it, and this thing is gorgeous, like, kind of elegantly polished, and the, um, the only thing that, that, that would be, like, minor flaws in this otherwise, you know, incredibly smooth, you know, little piece of stone are those etchings running up the, uh, running up the side of it. Kind of, kind of like a wavy pattern to them. Okay. Like, can I roll a perception? Just, like, I don't know, inspect it, see if, like, it looks like it was broken, or, like, if the wavy patterns, like, "Oh, like, they indicate water!" You know, like...

Um, yeah, do me a favor, roll, roll a perception check. Okay. Two. God damn it. Okay, seventeen. Okay, that's not great, but you, you're gonna tell that this, it, it, maybe not broken, but this object is definitely one half of something, and it, it, very clearly there is a matching half that would, you know, kind of like a cracked egg, something like that, and this would come together. Okay, but, like, intentionally so? It wasn't, like, smashed? It doesn't look like it was smashed or anything like that. Uh, this, this looks like it was intentional, like, cut in half, or was designed to come together.

Fuck. Okay. Can I roll, like, another perception check on, like, the room to see if, like, I can find any, like, hidden doors or, like, weird shit? Would that be Dungeoneering? Yeah, that'd be Dungeoneering. Um, do me a favor, give me, yeah, that's a, that's a plus eight, so give me a Dungeoneering check. Eight. Eight. Sixteen. Okay, so that's sixteen. That's, that's, hm. As you're, as you're kind of feeling around to see if there's some sort of, you know, switch or lever or plate, something, anything that would, that would give you some access to a hidden room or something like that, Julia's going to be running her hands over, over this dais and, and, and searching for these etchings.

It's a failsafe. And she's kind of speaking to herself, but out loud. Uh, Una's gonna, like, snap her head around, like, "What?" There's, um, there's another place like this. This is, this is a failsafe. They're, they're kept on separate continents. Completely separate places. What? Una's fucking pissed. She's like, "You told me. We just fucking came up here. I spent a goddamn week with you. And it's on another fucking continent?" Look, it's what I, it's what I read. I can't, this stuff is really vague. It's not exactly the easiest thing in the world to interpret, okay?

I just know what I read. Why is it on another continent if this is an emergency tool? How is that anywhere close to helpful? The best thing I can interpret is that this was supposed to be maybe guarded by two sets of people a long time ago, or maybe they were supposed to be in communication, and I don't know, but I mean, look around. Does it look like anybody's been here for centuries, maybe? Okay, what other continent is it on? Okay, and don't panic. We can figure this out, but from what I'm reading, this is further to the north, and the only continent that's further north than the mainland is Kian.

Uh, do you, do you want to just give me a quick exposition about that? Yes, I can. So, uh, if you'd like, you can either give me a history check, uh, give me a history check. Okay. That would be, uh, six. Fuck, awesome, okay. Uh, twelve. Okay, okay. Um, Una would pretty much know that, uh, Kian, Kian, depending on how you pronounce it, it is pretty much the most inhospitable place on the planet. It is a- Fabulous. Oh my god, it is Hoth. It is the most frozen, windswept, you, people don't live there. Like, it is, it is a nightmare. It is not just weather, but, okay, whatever creatures- It's basically like Antarctica, just like fucking nuts, no one can live there.

There is nothing there. There is no food, there is no water, there is very little shelter, there are a couple of places on the continent that, uh, kind of a, like a Last Chance for Gas type thing, where people have somehow made, made a home there, but- It's mostly just fucking hellish monsters and snow? Basically, yeah. Um, and as she goes on to read, um, that's, that's, that's where the seal is, too. Like, the seal that everyone's, you know, that, that, that is pretty much the focal point. That is supposedly how the gods were trapped, how these demons were trapped, all of that.

Like, that is that seal. And supposedly, according to this dais, the second half of what you're looking for is on that continent somewhere. Probably somewhere close to the seal? I don't know. I mean, even if it's relatively, it's, it's an entire continent. I mean- There's not, like, a, a peak as tall as sky or any of that bullshit? I don't think it was meant to be like that. I think it was meant to be guarded by two separate people, or groups of people, and when the need arose, they came together. That is not how things turned out. And she's clearly frustrated.

Like, as she's, she's reading and rereading the same stuff over and over again to make sure it's like, am I missing something? Is there- oh, hang a left at the, like, nothing. Like, it's- What if she, like, stare at the, the first half in her hand, just like, "Tell me your secrets!" [Laughter] I don't think that's gonna work. And Jilly would just be side-eyeing Una the entire time, like, I'm, I'm trying to read, that's not helping. She's, like, vibrating with frustration. So, this is fucking useless. I suppose I could use it to smash up some fucking acorns, but apart from that, useless.

Unless we go to the fucking north and freeze our tits off while fighting off whatever kind of fucking hell beast comes at us, looking for something in about ten thousand million fucking square miles of snow and ice and rock. Am I wrong? In not so many words, that's the situation. But it's, it's not that simple. We have no direction to head in, other than north. We don't know where we're going. We can land on the continent, and that's if we can find a boat. And then what? Where do we go? What direction do we walk in? I mean, we don't even know where your group is.

They've probably, I mean, they've got fucking Jadzia helping them. They've probably found something. They're probably on their way somewhere by now. And plus, I mean, okay, we're both pretty, pretty awesome fighters, but there's no fucking way we could run fast enough to catch them. I mean, I'm wearing fucking plate armor for fuck's sake. There's no, that's not gonna happen. It took us a week to get here. Just getting back to the escape. I'm aware. Oh, fuck, wait. Una's gonna, like, throw it out of her pack and just start, like, pulling random shit out of it.

Just like, clothes, fucking beans, you know, whatever. And the entire time, Julie would be like, "What? What?" Shut up, shut up! Oh, God, I fucking hope I have it. Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. She's like going through pockets and shit like that. And then she's gonna, like, sit back on her fucking haunches, just like, "God, yes." And she's gonna pull out the transportation stone. What does it look like, by the way? I don't think we've ever established that. We've really never gone into it. It's really this small nondescript stone with a single, like, a single rune etched onto it.

It's part of a set that was in House Dragonkeep, but it's really, it's nothing you would think would be, like, just by looking at it, it's like, "Wow, that is important." It just looks, yeah. Like a pet rock. Almost like a pet rock type of thing, yeah. It's got smooth edges and stuff like that, but it's not, it's kind of imperfect, honestly, to look at it. It looks like a rock. Fuck yeah. Okay. I'm just gonna hold it up like it's like a nugget of gold, just like, "Yes!" You have a rock. I'm just gonna pause and just kinda, like, savor this moment that she gets to tell Julie this awesome fucking news.

This is no ordinary rock, my dear. This will teleport us to wherever we want to go. It has to be charged with a significant amount of power, but if there's anything that we both have an excess of, it's that. Oh. That's amazing. How does it actually work? Okay, so, fuck. It's something about you have to charge it with your religious energy and then picture where you want to go, I think? Fuck. Sorry, we haven't used it in months. Fuck. It's like racking our brains trying to remember how it works. You have to do some sort of rule to remember how it works. You know what?

Do an intelligence check. Let's see here. Oh, no! Anything but intelligence! Oh, that's a...okay, that's a plus six! Oh, fucking hell. Okay, god damn it. I was about to say you could do an arcana, but that's also a plus six. I can't fucking do arcana. One second. The kingdom fridge adds you. Hey! Thirteen! Alright, okay. That's a plus six. That's not bad. That's not bad. She would remember that yes, it has to be charged and then the little drawback... Oh yeah, that if you fuck it up, you have to roll and you fuck it up, you like explode shit. Well, even if you don't like "fuck it up," there's a chance that like yes, it will drop you off where you are imagining, but it might drop you off twenty, thirty, forty feet in the air.

Or it might, you know, like when you guys teleport into the woods, there's sort of this energy bubble that carves apart everything in that general vicinity. Right, yeah. Trees and shit go down and all that. Do we have to...I forget, do we have to picture where we want to go or can we just be like, "We've had to have been there before?" Yes, that is the other thing. It's like you have to picture it and have been there. Fuck, but none of us have been to the continent. No. God dammit. No one goes there. Does the person picturing it have to be the person who's charging it?

The person holding the stone. Yeah, the person charging it and holding the stone. That's the person who...really? Because I feel like I've charged it. Well, you can charge it and, you know, someone else hold the stone, but you have to basically be...yeah. What kind of...is it just a regular, twenty-sided roll? There's no magic? Like... I believe it was an Arcana check. Fuck. Okay, so we have to find a wizard who's already been there. So are you explaining this to Julie the entire time? Oh, no. Yeah, I'll explain it. Okay, so Uno will sit there racking her brains for a second.

Okay, so you have to charge it with magic. I used to just use the hammer of cord. That does the trick. And then somebody who is good with magic has to think of somewhere that they've been and then it'll transport us there. There's a chance for it to fuck up and we can, you know, kill ourselves. Wait, wait, wait, wait, let's back up. What do you mean fuck up? How? Like, so one time we teleported into the woods and it kind of blew up a lot of shit around. Not too much, but like a circle of trees. But hey, if this saves us two, three weeks of finding a fucking boat, getting the boat, I don't know how goddamn long it's gonna be, but it's worth it, right?

Can't we just go to a port city? Yeah, how long will it take us to get to a fucking port city, though? I'm talking about using the stone. Oh. Yeah, actually. But then we have to take a boat. I guess it's better than nothing. Well, or we find somebody who's actually been to the continent and use them. It'd probably be an important city, though. Yeah, good, good thinking. Okay. How... fuck, how good are you with magic? I'm alright. It's mostly theoretical. It's mostly study. I don't use magic all that often. Okay, well whatever you are with magic, you're better than me.

So... fuck, uh... do you want to try this shit out? Yeah. Just think of where we want to go and it takes us there? I would say if you've been somewhere on the outskirts of town, that's probably a better bet. 'Cause I don't want to accidentally murder Farmer's Market Day, you know? How big's this circle? Uh... it varies, probably, but... pretty big. Fine. So some field near where we want to go. What port city? Well, Fair Bay, Ebony Harbor, Brightport. If we're looking for somebody who's been there before, who we can negotiate with into going back? Threaten?

Then we should probably go to Brightport. The odds will be better. But... okay, look. Doing this part alone? That made sense. But... should we really be going to Kian by ourselves? I mean... should we be looking for your friends? Should we hire a party? I feel like we've done okay. But let's make some inquiries in Brightport. We need to find somebody who's been there already. Neither of us have. And I know you're smart as hell, but we... you probably haven't focused all of your fucking studies on this ice hell, right? No. I mean, no one goes there. It doesn't... wouldn't make any sense.

We should find somebody who's already been there. If we want to use a stone, we definitely need to. We should probably find them anyway, just to get information to figure out what the fuck we're facing. If it's bad enough, we'll try and hire a crew. While we're there, it would also be nice, and you don't have to say yes, but it would be nice if I could make some inquiries about... I don't know... where my friends are. No. It's... like I said, they may know some things that we don't by now. It's... it's been a while, and to be honest, we don't have all the time in the world to track this stuff down, so... yeah.

That makes sense. Okay. Um, fuck. I'm just gonna start, like, packing back her bag, just like, stuffing shit in willy-nilly. Do you wanna... do you wanna try to do this in here? Should we go outside? From what you're describing, it sounds like we should be... maybe away from the... priceless ruins. Are they... priceless? Okay, they're largely unguarded, and we have the only thing of value that we know of in here, but... it would be nice to come back and study them one day. Okay, I'm just gonna, like, just exasperatedly, like, just pack stuff back up, swing on her pack, and just like, okay, come on, come on, come on, come on.

And she's going to... she's going to kind of sheathe her weapon and kind of step two out to the... outside of this place. Hey everybody, thank you so much for listening today, and we really hope you enjoy the show. If you do enjoy what we do, you can help us keep the lights on and pay bills, and especially with stuff like DragonCon coming up, that Patreon of ours is more important than ever. If you go to patreon.com/dandr, you can get tons of bonus content. We actually just posted a lovely character chat with Alex Herrera. We got to talking about Braelyn.

We probably talked for about an hour. There's a great behind the scenes last week for that group four that's about an hour long. We got another one coming up for this group three session next week. Tons and tons of background behind the scenes stuff that otherwise we just don't post in the feed. We just kind of throw it up on Patreon. So if you got long car rides, if you got a plane trip coming up, anything like that, for a dollar, a dollar, you could support us and help us out and get a bunch of bonus content, and we really, really appreciate that. On top of that, anything you can do to help spread the word, give us a rating on iTunes, spread links around on Facebook, Twitter, all that good stuff.

And if you go to dnrpodcast.com, you could find our wiki in case you missed an episode or you don't remember what a character is or something like that, and you can catch up on the show that way. You can also visit our forums and hang out with other listeners and kind of voice your opinions and stuff like that on the newest episode. All that being said, we really appreciate your continued support. Thank you so much. We will see you next week with a brand new episode and probably later this week with a brand new GMT. Bye!