Battle Plan

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Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Mac. No, I'm laughing at the chat. Hi, I'm Mac and I play Galina Holger's Wilderd Jammin'. Enter! Hi, I'm Eric and I play Ordon King Shield, failed dwarven diplomat. And Bree. Hey, I'm Brianna Marie and I play Phantos, the Scion Githseri. And Jasper. I am Jasper, Jason Perminter. I play Maric Ethelred, Human Cleric. Are we all getting our full names? Oh, wow. No, I don't know. I don't know why I was... It just got more formal as we went on.

It started with, "Oh, God, I'm laughing at the chat." And, "Hello there. I am so Jasper." I actually made Jason my real name in quotes. That's so weird, yeah. Last time on the show, guys. So you had a conversation with Tassier. You're looking to kind of get passage to Kan. I believe you're either talking about getting a ship or something like that, but you were looking for a guide. And you got word of a dwarven explorer named Larden Amdyr, who was at a bar called the Stout Adventure. Now, that was a kind of a dwarven thug type of bar. And it was decided that Ordon would be the best diplomat to send in.

Yeah, no duh. Yeah. What's the calculation? What could possibly go wrong? Mistakes were made. A fight ensued. The rest of the party ended up having to come in and helped out. You guys took care of... You actually killed a few people. People went flying and stuff like that. There were two scions throwing punches and everyone's stabbing things and everything like that. But most everyone was left intact and they surrendered. So, Barden ended up joining you outside just as we wrapped things up last time. So, do you guys want to pick things up right there? Sure. Right now, I believe we are still on the 10th of Thorim.

It's pretty late at night. And you guys are on the streets of Brightport here. So, this dwarf is going to just kind of be... Just kind of taking the group in and very nonchalant. Like, well, you interrupted my dinner. What's up? With all that murdering you did. You rude fucks. So, you'll be taking in the group for a few seconds and then... And I help you folks with anything. Merrick's gonna look around. Just a quick check, like a quick glance. Is everybody okay? Like, does everybody have any blood on them? In the bar? No. No, we're not in the bar. No, I'm just saying, are you looking past him into the bar?

Because it's just your party. I'm looking at our party. I don't give a crap about anybody inside. Well, but you don't think he has to look that far to find someone. I could handle a healing surge, honestly. Because I have 18 wounds and a 19 healing surge. So, I mean, it might be helpful. Sure. I just want to make sure we're at least not dying. You also could use a little bit of a patch. And, oh, holy shit. So could Ordon. Like, a lot. Like, Ordon's almost bloodied. Okay, so that's the first thing is... Merrick's gonna say first thing. We need to get healed up quickly.

Also, it's dark on the streets of Brightport. It's not the best place to be. And we've certainly shaken up some things. Maybe we could find some place else to be. Would you mind coming with us? Tessia, or at least Tessia's people, found you. You may have been expecting us. We're looking for a guide. A guide to where? Merrick's gonna sort of look around. I think he's a little bit nervous, just sort of saying, "Hey, we're doing all this great stuff and going to great places." Maybe he wants to keep it a little bit secret. Keon. Oh. Yeah, I think I can help you out.

I think Merrick would let out a huge sigh, like he was holding his breath. It was that easy. Like, "Okay. Great. So that doesn't seem like a problem. Okay, well, look, we have to talk a lot of details and sort of get you on board with stuff and ramp you up, but what's our next step? Do you need to go finish your dinner and we'll meet up again later, or do you want to... Can we make you something and actually show you maybe a nicer place to be for the evening? Well, I'll tell you what. How long are you gonna be going for? When do you plan on taking off? How big a crew do you have?

Do you have a... These are very common questions. Very common things that we haven't really considered yet and kind of needed somebody to help us determine those types of things. Maybe if we clue you in a little bit more on what we're up to, that might help. Maybe you could give us some of your expertise. All right. Where are you gonna be staying? I can meet you in the morning. We're at Dragon Keep. -Fancy. -Yeah. All right. I'll see you bright and early. -Wow. -That's amazing. Honestly didn't think this would be this easy, so really, really appreciate it. -Bardin, right?

-Yep. Bardin, I'm Merrick. He's gonna put his hand out. He'll reach out and shake it. And then he'll gesture to the rest of the party, like, "Everybody, do your stuff. Do your introductions." Good. Kaluna will not budge and we'll just stare at him with their creepy shark eyes. Phantas will do a little chin thrust, be like, "Phantas." He would do the same thing, the kind of dude-bro head nod thing. Yeah. -Sup. -Wow. You guys are a piece of work. -What a raging kegger, right? -Yeah. Wow. Well, sorry about the rest of the team. We're probably all just a little bit wounded, so we're gonna go get some sleep.

We'll be very different in the morning. I didn't say... He didn't say that. Bree still... Bree still kind of hunched over from before, just kind of taking an A, but she'd be standing up and trying to regain her composure and just sort of give, like, the half-wave, just an acknowledgment, but not exactly... Not exactly, like, you know, jumping up and down with enthusiasm. Just like, "Hey, this was a clusterfuck." Yeah. Merrick's trying to sort of plow through everything just to make sure he can lock down the Barden issue, but he knows there's a lot of other shit going on.

Okay, great. Look, we'll be at Dragon Keep. I'll let them know. David is sort of the guy you'll probably see whenever you get there. He'll know that you're coming. -Sound good? -Yep. Shouldn't be a problem. [sighs] Great. Thank you. He's gonna... I'm telling you, Merrick is just relieved, because all of a sudden there's an opening for all of this to actually start taking place. So he's just, he's, like, over-enthusiastic. He's just gonna put his hand back out again. "Thank you, thank you so much. I appreciate it." And he's got this kind of wide-brimmed hat, and he's just gonna kind of, like, "Good evening," and go right back into the bar and go finish his dinner.

Is he gonna step over dead bodies as he does it? Oh, he's completely just walking past that man. He doesn't give a shit. I love him. Can we keep him forever? I just won't put him in my pocket. [laughter] All right, I think we should head back. Is anybody in a critical state of any sort, or can we just sort of make our way back and get out of the streets of Brightport -and then heal up? -No one's dying. I think everyone just has, like, lumpy faces. -Yeah. -All right. It was more just, like, I don't think anybody was expecting a full-on, like, brawl. It was supposed to be easier than that, so it's more like, "Oh, jeez." I mean, I kind of feel like Ordon's trailing a little bit of blood behind him as he goes.

Well, people hit you a lot, isn't they? Well, whatever happens, unless something's gonna happen before we get back to Dragonkeep, I would imagine as soon as we get back, Marek and Iftikaluna's up for it, would just heal checks all around, right? Yeah, and I would say that you guys are traveling in a big enough pack that... Here's the thing. You're all pretty much obviously adventurers of some type. The only one that would be in question is probably, like, Thanatos and Brie, just 'cause it's not like they're packing weapons and heavy armor or anything like that, and one of you appears to be a teenage girl.

Like, that's it. But the rest of you are, like, pretty heavily armored and outfitted and carry weapons and stuff, so it's... The odds are low that someone's gonna try and just jump you. Fantastic. That's the kind of news I like to hear. So let's say you make it back to House Dragonkeep without incident, and... Let's... Healing surges all around, let's say. -Yay! -Yay! Delicious. You get a healing surge, and you get a healing surge. David created his healing surge soup. It had a little bit for us as we came in the door. So what's the next step, guys? Is there...

Would there be, like... Would there be any conversation about what just took place when you guys get back or on the way or anything like that, or is it something where you guys would just wanna kind of sack out in the living room area and catch a breather here? I imagine... Oh, go ahead. Go, go, go. I would imagine, like, on the way back, Thanos will kind of go up to you, Breanna's side, and just, like, kind of ask her if she's okay. -Oh, just like that? -'Cause she saw... Yeah, like, "Are you okay?" 'Cause she saw, like, what happened. But it's kind of, like, whispered, like, she's almost embarrassed that she cares.

And, yeah, she looked down at Thanos. "Yeah, it's a little complicated, but... Yeah, I'm fine, actually." -Is it the werewolf thing? -"Partly, yeah." She'll just end it there. She's like, "Oh, cool. All right." Like, "You say you're fine, whatever." And she would, um, she would let it go for a second, and then just... "You mind if I ask you a few questions?" Thanos will, like... I imagine the whole time she was kind of, like, staring forward. Again, she didn't wanna look like she cared. But then she'll look up, and then look away real quickly. "Yeah, sure." Shrug.

"So... how long have you had your powers?" Ever since I can remember. "What about you?" (SIGHS) I was a little younger than you, actually, when... when I first got mine. But I didn't really have control of them at the time. It took a long time. "Did anyone... find out?" She would kind of stiffen up just a little bit. My... my dad worked really hard to make sure that... very few people knew about it. Smart. And she's gonna kinda, like, nod and bite her lips a little bit. Yep. You did good back there, though. That was... that was really impressive. She's gonna smile and look up at Breanna and be like, "You two!

Do you always hit them into another guy?" If I can, yeah. It saves me punching another person. That was awesome. Well, maybe I could show you something sometime. I've picked up a couple of things over the years. Santos will nod very quickly, and then I never really got to talk to another scion. Uh... From what I know, it's pretty rare. I've spoken to another one, but... it was a little rocky. What was she like? He, actually. Oh... She's gonna kind of actually, like, step a little straighter and be like, "What was he like?" A little stiff, but... he was, um... he was older, so it...

She's actually gonna cut her off, rise her again and narrow her, and she'll be like, "Was he a Gisserai?" No. Aladdin, actually, if you can believe it. Do I know what an Aladdin is? Roll a history check for me. Mm-hmm. 'Cause I'm not even sure if they made those on... If they made those, they manufactured. I'm not sure where they're manufactured. You said, history? History. Okay, I might know. Or not, I mean... Um, you know of the Aladrin, but you've never had an interaction with one. Well, that's normal, though, right? Most people haven't. Here's the thing. That's super normal, but you really don't know a ton about the history of the Aladrin and that they've been missing or something.

You just know that no one really has seen one, that type of thing. Right. What was he like? Uh, really focused. He had a lot on his plate at the time, so it's, um... It actually makes a lot of sense, but... He was nice enough. Why did you ask if it were a Gisserai? Thanos is gonna kind of take a deep breath, and then... I'm... looking for a Gisserai Sion. And that's what the group is going to help me with once we're done with their mission. That was the trade-off of me coming to help. Oh. Is... Is that why you're on the mainland? Forgive me, I really have never met another Gisserai.

Yeah, I... I stowed away on a boat, so I guess some come here, but... Yeah, I... found out he was going to be on the mainland. Well, I hope you find him. Me too. And her fists are kind of clenched, but she's still talking in a soft voice, but her body is a little bit tense. Guess we just head back after that point. Okay. So, let's see here. Getting back to the house, this would probably... So, David would probably see the state of everybody, and figure that the... the little mission probably didn't go as well as it could have, and he'd probably fix a snack or something like that, and kind of set up the living room, just like, "Oh, here's a nice hot beverage, like some tea or something like that." Just kind of get everybody to settle in.

And then Maric's like, "No, no, me." And then they both just make tea, and we have to decide which one we're going to drink. -And there's another fight. -Like, she's going to do it in style. -Right? -Yep. There's going to be another Sion changing into a werewolf or something. No, I think Maric would just be like, "You know what? Let somebody else do this for once." Right. Just kind of exhausted. Yeah, I mean, I think if everybody's going to sort of plop down in the living area, that would be great, because I feel like we've got some stuff to talk about, now that we actually have a possibility of making this real, instead of just sort of swimming around, you know, treading water for a while.

-Come in. -Is there anybody who's not going to do that? -Sorry. -No, I... Yeah, Bree would have a seat, and yeah, it kind of looked like she wants to maybe address the group, just, yeah, just for a second, but yeah, she would wait her turn. Kelowna would curl up with a nice warm mug of tea, and just sort of sip at it, and stare very intently in Bree's direction. Is there a window in this room? Actually, there's really large kind of like, like, bay window type things on either side of the front door. They're far away from the couches, though, so like, you get natural light, but it's not like, intensely...

No, not this late at night, obviously, but normally, it's just meant to kind of open up the room. Oh, okay, so I'd have to, I'd kind of have to separate from the group in order to go stand by one then, right? -You're gonna go smoke? What are you doing? -Um... [laughs] Doing some Mad Men stuff? -Uh, no, I mean, Ordon is just... -Just thinking? -Yeah. -Okay. Yeah, I mean, you'd still be in the room with everybody. Okay, then I'll be standing kind of side on toward the party, kind of looking outside, but keeping the group in my frame of reference. He's the bad boy loner now, all mysterious and shit.

He's combing his hair. What's he thinking about staring out that window? He doesn't have hair. -No. -[laughs] -Combing his beard. -Yeah, combing his bald head. [laughs] Just raking bloody combs. I'm gonna plant something up there later, blood. -Kaluna knows how to do that. -Exactly. Can I just... Careful what you wish for, 'cause you're gonna wake up tomorrow like a chia pet. -Chia pets, come on. -I'm with you. -I left. -It just wasn't funny. -I left. -Okay, no, no, no. Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia! I was picturing mossy dreadlocks. I was making a "licking back" joke in the chat. [laughs] -Definitely the priority.

-Yeah. Okay, so once we're all sort of settled and rested a little bit and healed up a little bit, Merrick's gonna try to get everybody's attention and just say, "This is gonna become real now, and we've got some things to think about." And honestly, there's been so much going on and so much uncertainty and so much to learn that, yeah, we've been trying to find a way to get up there and don't even know the answers to his questions, right? Like, when are we gonna leave? How long should we be there to do this? I need some brainstorming. Somebody help. I mean, he asks us, "What's our crew?" I mean, this is our crew, right?

We don't have a boat. Fantos is kind of sitting on the floor with one leg out and the other one kind of, her elbows prepped up on it, and she's gonna look up at Merrick. Didn't Tessia say she was gonna help us get a boat and a crew? Did she? I don't remember. This is Jason asking now. I'm almost positive. Isn't that the plan, Jason? She would have, yeah. She was gonna help. Yeah, that was the plan. I forgot if that was mentioned specifically. Ordinal pipe up at this point and say, "I don't remember ever agreeing to a boat. I think we were looking for alternative sources of transportation." Yeah.

I mean, you know, there was always the talk of a dragon, but the problem is none of us can actually speak dragon. So we can't really do a good job of getting up there and doing it safely. Trust me, it's a bumpy ride already. It may be that a ship is our only way to do this. But I'm open to ideas, and I really want to hear what Barden has to say about this kind of thing, too. If he knows how to get there, if he knows what he's doing, then maybe he has ideas. But the truth of the matter is, is that we've got, what, 50-something days before shit hits the fan.

That's, on one hand, a long time. And on the other hand, depending on how long it takes us to get there and what kind of deal we're gonna have to have on the way there, you know, and what we're gonna find and what we're gonna meet, I don't know if we should go early and stick around or if we should wait till the last minute. Ordon, any ideas? I think the sooner we get there, the better. And I think anything we can do to avoid taking something out onto the water would be to our benefit. Could I run an insight check to see if Ordon is afraid of water? I don't see why not.

Okay, would that be higher than Ordon's bluff? Well, I'm not sure, but I'm not even sure that, like, I'm not even sure he's hiding it at this point. Well, that's one of the things I was gonna ask next. It's like, is that a thing or is he afraid of water or, like, just doesn't like boats, something like that? He has many reasons to not like boats. So that comes across clearly to Thanos. She's gonna kind of, like, lean forward and be a bit of an asshole. What, are you scared? Put something in front of me that I can hit? No problem. Give me an enemy that will not care what I do to it?

Damn right I'm scared. Brie would speak up, all right? Let's say we take the dragon and let's say we don't freeze to death in midair. And then let's say that we can actually communicate with it and get us to anywhere near where we need to be. If we get there 40 some odd days before whatever is gonna happen is gonna happen, what's to keep us from freezing to death? Or starving to death? Has Thanos seen the dragon? I don't believe so, no. And she doesn't know it's an ice dragon, so she's gonna say, "Don't dragons breathe fire?" And Brie would just kind of, like, do that thing where you're talking to somebody and then look over just once, like, "Not this one," and then look back at Merrick.

To answer your questions, we're gonna need to be able to survive the cold regardless of how early we get there. It's not like we're gonna be on the continent for an hour. There are settlements up there and we have multiple stops. If we're going after this relic, it's not exactly next door to the altar. Well, that's my next question is, if we have enough time, should we be looking for the other half of this artifact? Or for that matter, should we chase after Una and Julie and try to see if we can get them on board and then make our way up to Kion? For all I know, that's the easiest route to get to Kion.

That's why I want to talk to Barden in the morning, but I don't want to come to the table with nothing. And I don't want him making all the decisions for us. We gotta be in this together. So I feel like, yeah, we can get there a little bit early, but I feel like if we go tomorrow and we could just be there, we're just wasting time. And honestly, we're gonna have to weather very, very cold environments and who knows what else is up there. It's not gonna put us in very good shape to take care of what we might need to fight. So I feel like making a balance.

I feel like we can take some time to get there, but we need to be very deliberate. Bree would speak up again. Okay, so catch me up. What are we doing when we get there? We just, are we guarding the seal? Are we actually gonna activate it? It's complicated. Merrick's gonna do a side glance over at Orden. Just because they have some knowledge, right? Right. So we have a couple of things that are gonna happen potentially, or one of which is gonna happen if we play our cards right and if we know what we're doing. We're either going to, I cannot believe these words are coming out of my mouth.

We're either going to free the gods or we're going to seal the demons away so that they can't make Theria demon paradise, right? And take over absolutely everything. And it's kind of the same thing. We kind of have to do a little bit of a ritual and you do it a little bit this way, it frees the gods. You do it a little bit of that way. It keeps the demons away. To Jasper, I feel like that's not the situation exactly. -What is it? -I feel like there is a ritual that will free the gods and there is a ritual that will free the demons. -Correct. -Oh, right, right, right.

So I don't think that, I think it's either free the gods or prevent someone else from doing the other one. Got it. So that's what Merrick says to Bree, not the other thing that I said. Got it. The smart thing, not the stupid fuck up thing. But in any case, whether we're freeing the gods or freeing the demons, which would be awful, we've got to do it all at the same time. And that's in 50 something days, like 52 days from now. So we have to be there then. It's not something we can do tomorrow and sort of be done with it. It has to happen at a very particular time.

That's correct, right? Like that's my understanding. -Yep. -The blood moon. -Yeah. -Right. That's just going to kind of raise our hand, like, to get Merrick's attention. All right, so if we don't need to be there for 50 days, maybe let's not go to the frozen wasteland for 50 days. -That sounds shitty. -Kalina will grant well be in agreement. Yeah, I mean, Merrick's talking this out. He's not saying like, I think we should go. I think what he's doing is saying like, right? Like, there's no reason to go. Not yet. That would be bad. That would be a dumb idea. But what are we going to do in the meantime?

I can't just sit here and what we don't have, like, a X-Men training room underneath Dragon. Actually, do we have an X-Men training room underneath Dragon Keep? That would be the danger room. And I believe that's copyright Marvel Comics. That's why I didn't say danger room. I should have said X-Men. So we've got time. And honestly, maybe we should think about this artifact, right? Something that might help us defeat the demons if something were to happen. Half of it is in one place, half of it is in another. So we've got the time. Maybe that's exactly what we should do.

Well, how much time exactly do we have? Because let's assume for a minute that we take a ship. How long will that take us to get from here to Keyann? That's the question I need to ask Barden. Well... Or Jason. Thanos said that she had been on a ship recently. Does she have any knowledge of... Well, she was a stowaway, and that was from Talor to the mainland, not mainland. Much closer. Yeah. Well, okay, here's the thing. Anyone with a map would have, like, a basic knowledge. Like, the only thing you really wouldn't know about is landmarks, danger, that type of thing.

Like, what's in the water, what you might need, like, supply wise, that type of stuff. But you'd have a decent idea of distance. So if anyone rolls, like, a history check, something like that, or I'll take, like, nature. That's fine, too. Did someone say nature? I did. Let's do that. Let's do that. We're all sitting there with our heads, like, how long does it take? What is going in the kaluna? It's a one. Time's in? Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. It'll take a day, guys. A day. Probably, like, six months. Somewhere between one day and six months. It'll take an amount of time.

Jesus Christ. By the way, it's 51 days from now. Which is just over six weeks. Yep. Which is actually a long time to be in a frozen wasteland whenever you're just waiting for something to happen. Without any food. And if we took a dragon, what's the dragon gonna eat? Not only what are we gonna eat, but what's the dragon gonna eat? And that's not gonna be a good thing if we say, "Otesia, your dragon's dead." We had to eat her. Poor, poor Amara gets lumped up every time she's taken out. So how long would it take to get to the Ivory Peaks, Jason, from Brightport?

I mean, basically going straight across the mainland. Just cutting clean across? Jesus. OK, like, if you left today, you left late at night or... Well, OK, let's say you all decided to get, like, a good night's sleep. Something like that. And if you're on foot, you have horses, right? You have, like, two horses, something like that? Sure, I bet we could bribe Tessa with some cookies or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you're trying to get to the Ivory Peaks from here, you're talking at least a solid eight, nine days of travel. OK, and that's our understanding, that's Merrick's understanding, of the last place that Una was headed, right?

Mm-hmm. And I'm just confirming this. And we understand that there's half an artifact there. There's another half on Kian. - Yep. - I mean, can we just get a map? Can we just, like, ask David if there's some maps around for Therian? Oh, yeah, that's something they were working on anyway. Like, that's, like, getting you maps and charts and stuff like that. - Great. - That's something that they have. Like, a map is not a hard thing to find. So, I mean, just let's look at this and just sort of plan around it and think about it. It's like, if we got to the Ivory Peaks and we tried to catch up with Una and see if there's any way that we can get her on board with any of this and sort of catch her up, then is it harder to get from there to Kian than it is from here?

Well, the big thing is, where's your... Like, it depends on where you're trying to set sail from, because there's no port anywhere near the Ivory Peaks. The closest one would be Ebony Harbor, which is a smaller port. I have an idea. - What is it? - We could test out the dragon by going to the Ivory Peaks, see if we can, like, communicate with her. Probably won't go well, but at least it's just a test run. - Well, I was gonna suggest that. - Then we could take dragon back. I was gonna suggest actually just having Amara, see if we could find a way to get Amara to take us there quickly, and then, assuming that we wouldn't be taking Amara from that point forward, just let Amara go back.

At least it would get us there, but I don't know... That's why I'm asking, is it hard to get to Kian from there? And it sounds like, unless we have a good ship from around there, then it might be. Yeah. Well, then also the ship won't be free if we get it from there. - Like, it would be from Tetsuya. - Yeah, of course. We'd have to pay for it. If you've heard anything Group 2 has gone through, just for pairs is fucking ridiculous, so... Yeah. Additional question. Do we know where in the Ivory Peaks - Una went? - Nope. Nope. And the Ivory Peaks covers a large...

It's a big portion of the map. Just one of those mountains would take you days and days and days to explore. Now, that's a whole mountain range, so... - Well, alright. - And, Jason, from the research that Marek and I have done, have we found... I know we found references to - The Kian location. - Mm-hmm. Did we find any location, any information about - the other location? - I don't believe so, no. Yeah, you're right. Okay. - Alright. - Brie was gonna speak up. Alright. Can we talk about the elephant in the room for a second? When we do get to the seal. And you're saying that someone wants to open it up for the demons.

And we chase that whatever it is away. Are we using it to open up the seal for the gods? We should be. It's the right thing to do. She's gonna sort of glance over to Orden, and then back to Marek. Do we trust her? - Who? - The witch. No. What witch? Kaluna sips their tea very nervously. Just like pointedly very loud, like... Wait, hold on, I have water. Just the loud, like, slurpy noise. Y'all know. I... We can find some fully, it's okay. Thank you. I was about to do it myself, but my water wasn't open yet. Just every once in a while. Exactly, and then it just gets louder.

Orden, the witch is a very powerful blood mage, right? Yeah. She's the reason that any of this is happening. She's the reason why there's talk of the gods being trapped. She's the reason why we know the demons are supposed to be trying to find their way out. She's also someone you can't trust, and everything she says probably has a double meaning. So, no, I don't trust her. But I don't know what else to do. If it's true at all, Bree, and you were there, you heard it. If it's true at all, and believe me, it is super... It's super hard for me to believe any of this stuff.

But if any of it's true, we've got to do something. I don't know that I would have been so quick to join you if I had known you were chasing after something, a blood mage laid out there. But what we found in the library has nothing to do with the witch. No, there's stuff that she said that has more and more rung true. But what I don't trust is what her motivations are. It looks like witch aside that the demons are trying to get out. And if Darmok is part of that, then this isn't good. So if nothing else, that's what's important to me. No offense about the god stuff, but I'm just trying to keep the demons away.

There's something else. So I used my powers earlier, and I could feel myself start to lose control. And I don't think it was me that stopped it. What do you mean? Her? She's going to sort of loosen this buttoned up collar type thing and just sort of loosen it and then pull the collar of her leather shirt thing down. And you're going to see basically where her veins would be is this black spider webby type stuff. The same thing that was on her arm, if you remember, from the witch. But it appears to be all over her. Kaluna will set down their tea. Well, my goodness, this is not for the table.

Goodness me. Harlot? She's inside you somehow. So that begs the question, what happens if we don't open the seal? If we find something out that we didn't know before and we decide not to do it? Yeah. What happens then? Will she already know? Did you feel a presence? Did you feel... Are you guessing or did you feel something? Did you feel her? I don't know. I don't feel like I would have stopped it on my own. And this... This was just on my arm about a week ago and now it's all over. I felt different after I got bitten, but I just thought it was the bite. I'm not really sure now, though.

Well, I don't know how it changes much, but I hear you. Maybe she does know what's going on. What did the witch actually tell you that you were supposed to do? Um... She's been chasing after me for a while. She's... She's pretty adamant about having that seal open. She... She claims that she's the God of Justice. The God of Justice did that to you? She's gonna nod. That's what she says she is. Justice isn't always kind. But what exactly did she want you to do? She's gonna look over to Merrick, like, how much of this... Like, how much of this they clued in on and then just kind of, like...

Just kind of just start speaking. Yeah, Merrick will just give the sort of, like, just go for it. Like, I've tried this three or four times and I've missed things every time I've said it, so go for it. Basically, I'm supposed to help open the seal and that's going to free the gods that are in trapped bodies throughout the area. That's the story, anyway. Whether you believe it or not... I don't know. And Ordon will glance over at Merrick and then pretty much continue on. We've read some things that this would not end well for you. Uh, Merrick's just gonna put his hands in his head.

Like, he's just... She's gonna stiffen up a bit. What do you mean? I mean, Tessia has some books. And it would appear that the amount of power required would likely destroy the scion opening the gate. Santos is gonna bristle up and kind of step a little bit straighter. What? That's what the book said. Question. Merrick, for real, did you actually put your hands on your head like you were upset that he was telling us this? Not upset, just more like, "That's not quite how I wanted to discuss this" kind of a thing. But yeah, he's legit, like... She's gonna stand up.

So you were gonna bring two scions with you without telling us? Well, we found this out just today. There really hasn't been time to discuss it. Well, then we leave it closed. Kaluna's gonna pipe up. Didn't... Wasn't the whole point that if we found another way, we could do that? What about the thingies? What thingies? Did you guys tell them about the artifacts? I assume you did. I think we mentioned the artifacts. We didn't mention the scion power needed. Okay, well, that's all Kaluna needs to know. So they're gonna say, "The thingies, the ones here, the ones there." Right, right.

But okay, look. And Merrick's gonna be looking at Thanos and then to Bree, and sort of he's talking to both of them, but he's talking for everybody. He's just gonna be going, darting back and forth between them, like putting his hands up, like, "Hold on, hold on. Hang on, this isn't meant to be a secret. We came across a lot of information in the library. We came across a lot of information here. I don't know that we have the full picture. I don't want anybody getting hurt, not one person, not for anything, for all of this. But I do want to make sure that we have all of our options open and know what we're dealing with." No, Thanos, you're not gonna die.

Nobody's putting you in that position. Bree, this is not something that you're supposed to do and that we're not telling you. That's not what this is. It's just... We don't know what we have to work with yet. Yes, there's an artifact. And honestly, that's why I haven't mentioned anything yet, is that I'm trying to figure out, is there a way for us to get that going? I don't even know what it'll do. Is it enough? Is it something that'll help us battle harder? Is it a nice sword? I don't know. Is it something that's gonna repel the demons forever and close the seal?

Is it something that could even touch Darmok? I have no idea. Koon is gonna pluck some of the lavender off of their shoulder and just start munching on it, just very clearly upset. Just... I feel like this relic isn't an answer to our problems, but is a last-ditch effort to try to hold back the tides of demonic hordes should it come to that. I feel like the question of the altar is... We know we can't let the demons out. Anything we can do to stop that has to be done. I'm of the belief that anything should be done to free the gods, and if I had the ability, there'd be no question in my mind that it was worth the sacrifice.

But I can't make that choice for other people. All right. Let's all get on the same page. If Una and Julie took off to go get this artifact, or a piece of it, or whatever, then they probably figured we needed it. Fair. And if we're already going to the continent where the seal is located, then we could get the other half of it and just try to get word to where they think we'll be, and we can meet up eventually. About the seal itself. And she's gonna look around the room. Let's say we believe the witch. Let's say that someone opens the seal and we free the trapped gods.

Is that better than what we're dealing with right now? Yes. -I don't know. -How do you know? She's a Westingorden. How do you know? Everything's slowly going to hell. We need their guidance. We need their... We're limited without them. We're blind. You're putting your faith in fairy tales. You don't know what they're actually like. The God of Justice poisoned her. You don't know. You might just be letting in a different kind of demon. You say poison, but she says that it helped her today. Look, I'm not saying one way or the other. It's just usually when something's sealed away, there's a reason for it.

-Phantos is gonna nod. -Yeah, I'm with Bree. Like, one big nod. If you had the power, then you could do it. But it's not fair to have someone else kill themselves for your ideals. And no one here is saying that. Meryk's just gonna... to pipe in. That's not part of this game, OK? That's not part of it. We'll do everything we can other than that to make this happen. What matters most to me, and I wanna go around the room, what matters most to me is keeping the demons away. Something about the gods, that's... something else I don't know what to believe. But I know that the demons are not gonna be all right.

And I know if Darmark is part of it, which it looks like he is, then it would not be any better than today. It would be a hell of a lot worse. So I'm going to keep the demons out. What about everybody else? Brie would nod along. Killuna would also nod. Fantos is kind of like just eyeing Orden, like a real stink eye. But she'll nod. I'll never let the demons out if I can stop it. That seems like it's... absolutely a worse situation than we're dealing with now. But you know what my primary motivation is. I'm not going to force anyone to do anything, but if I have a way to free the gods, absolutely I'm gonna take it.

Orden, if it meant the gods couldn't be freed in order to keep the demons sealed, what would that mean for you? I... I don't know. I think you've gotta know. If we're gonna do this, we all have to know. I think the gods can solve so many problems. And I think the gods are... I don't know how they got sealed away in the first place, or... I guess I don't even question it anymore. I know it hasn't been long, but... I feel like I'm... I feel like I believe that I'm working towards something here. I don't know what could have trapped them away in the first place, but if we free the gods and the demons at the same time...

I'm betting on the gods. I'm betting on the gods. Look, my thinking, and it's just a hunch, but maybe they caused more problems than they were solving, and that's why they got trapped. So I'm not as willing to gamble on that. So... We're just gonna have to disagree, but one thing we have to do if we're gonna go together is know at least what our priorities are gonna be for all of us. Ordon, I can't have you changing your mind at the last minute, making a choice that would affect everybody else. No matter what you believe. We all just need to counting each other.

Well, we have some time before we have to make a solid decision. We could just keep looking for information, and if we find something more concrete on all of this, that might help. True. It's always been the case. That's why we've been everywhere trying to find information. I don't know where else to even look. But, yeah, all right. Ordon's gonna get an absolutely disgusted look on his face. There's one place we haven't looked yet. She would kind of arch an eyebrow, like, "Yeah." There's one place known for its knowledge and known for its magical attunement.

Colleen is gonna make a face. She would kind of, like, halfway through that, it's like, "Oh," like the kind of understanding nod thing. And she'd look over to Merrick. We'd probably have time. Colleen will groan. Ordon will match it. Just, "Ugh!" Okay. Okay. We have the time. We need to talk to Barden in the morning. We can flesh out a rough plan, make sure we've got some timing right, make sure that he's still on board with everything. There's no reason to get a ship to go up to Umineiro, right? Or is there? I think horses will be fine. Mm, yeah. All right, I guess it's time to find out whatever we can at Umineiro.

Not a bad idea. Okay, so, do you wanna get some rest? Yeah, that'd probably be best. Anybody have any questions? I picture--I don't know if this is the case, but I picture just Thanatos and Ordon just kind of eyeballing each other a little bit. I don't know if that's the case. That's the scene in my head. Thanatos is seething, not even trying to hide it. It's fucking curious. Neither one of them got what they wanted in this conversation. It doesn't feel like it. I don't feel like Ordon has any-- I think he respects Thanatos in a lot of ways, but when it comes to theology at this point, I think that he doesn't view-- it's a misguided thought, not a wrong-- you know what I mean?

So I don't think that Stink Eye-- like, I think he's probably not even considering Thanatos right now. Okay, let me ask a question. Is it more like, "Oh, you'll figure it out one day" type of? Yeah, probably. Like, it's a youth thing. It's a experience thing. It's a--yeah. Okay, so I would imagine the group is going to, I guess, adjourn for the evening and go get some rest. As everyone's dispersing, I think Kaluna would walk over to Ordon. I'm just gonna assume that he lingered by the window to brood. That's just what I'm assuming. Yes, Ordon would still be thinking-- Dramatically brooding by the window.

Sure. Important question, does the window open, Jason? Yeah, it can. Cool. Kaluna's gonna walk over, like, not even really looking at him, just looking more out the window, and they're gonna open it up, and they're gonna turn and look at him, and they're going to just sort of-- I assume there's, like, foliage around. Oh, there's bushes and stuff, yeah. Yeah, so Kaluna would point at said foliage and say, "There's your gods," and point up at the moon. "There's your gods." And then sort of blow air on his face. "There's your gods. "They're still doing stuff.

"If he doesn't stop them, they're gonna walk away." Ordon will have this dumbfounded look on his face and just kind of shake his head and just watch Kaluna go. Kaluna will sashay dramatically, just, "Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, no." All right. I hope that's a good 24, and not a bad 24. This is how many demons attack the house. Sounds about right. (chuckles) Actually, that role does not affect the group. (gasps) So let's advance some time here. Let's say it is now the 11th of Thorim. And early in the morning, you guys are gonna get a knock on the door here.

David's gonna answer it and let Barden in. Barden, true to his word, said he'd be here bright and early. So this is like 6.30 in the morning, the equivalent in Theria. It'd be just around sunrise. I didn't know that existed in Theria. 6.30 exists in Theria? It does. It does. This guy's wasting no time. Like, you know, he's here. He's ready to go. So he'll kind of plop down in one of these chairs and kind of kick his legs 'cause they don't reach the ground when he's sitting in one of these big cushy chairs and making himself at home. And David will let you guys know that he's here.

Kaluna would have been lounging on the lawn. I don't know if they would have seen him. (chuckles) They're sunbathing in the early morning light, guys. Beautiful. Poetic. (chuckles) As fish gets, stink up the whole place. Woo. Would Kaluna, like, follow Barden in? If they noticed him, then yeah, they'd be like, "Oh, it's the guy, God." Perception check. Let's see how relaxed you are. Man, I hope I get another one. That'd be cool. (chuckles) I'd say you'd notice him, yeah. And Kaluna would sort of drag himself off the ground, sort of grumbling the whole time, like, ugh.

(grunts) He's having a nice, nice time. Now I have to go inside and talk to people. God. Life is hard. It is. Life is hard for three people. Brie would make her way downstairs and I'm imagining the group would get together here. Oh, yeah. There's a small little piece of, like, shitlord in me that wants to be like, "Yeah, Thanatos probably would have woken up an hour ago and gone exploring, but I won't." Okay. God. (chuckles) She makes her way up to the roof and parties there. Yeah. I feel like David would have, like, a box propped up with a stick just waiting, like, in an artifact and it just, like-- Just something shiny.

Just waiting. (chuckles) Yeah, so I imagine we're all down there, yawning. As soon as the party starts funneling in. Good morning. (grunts) Morning. Morning. Thanks for showing up so early. That's not a problem. All right. Let's get started. Where exactly in Key End do you need to go? Dead center. All right. And when are you planning on making this illustrious voyage? Say, three weeks from now? All right. That should give us enough time to get the supplies together that you'll need. You got a ship? We'll have a ship. How about that? Working on it. But we'll have it.

No problem. You mind if I ask why you, uh, need to get there in such a hurry? Can Thanatos, like, go to start talking and then, like, Merrick just covers her mouth? Yeah. (chuckles) No? Yeah, let's just make that canon. I think that's just gotta be part of the characters. (imitates music) We'll fill you in with more details as we get everything together. The bottom line is that we need to be there in a few weeks, in a few weeks' time. Probably gonna be there, say, three weeks total, something like that, and to make our way back. So we're gonna need supplies to keep us going for there.

We know there's some settlements up there. We're probably gonna have to make our way around a little bit, um, but basically dead center at some point. You mind if I ask a question? Go right ahead. You folks know exactly what you're in for here? Not a damn bit, no. I don't know, I think Kaluna has a good idea. (chuckles) I gotta be honest, that's kinda coming through. There are two settlements in the whole of Kian, and it takes days and days to get to either one of them, and that's from the shoreline. And that's no matter where you land, 'cause there's no port.

And after you chisel your way through the ice in a dinghy, and then you actually get to the continent, you're gonna do your damnedest not to freeze to death alone. Now, I don't know how big a crew you got, but you're gonna need a lot of supplies. A lot of rations, a lot of fur. Now, how long you gonna be staying there? If we leave in three weeks, I'd say the total trip would be about a three-week journey. Hmm. All right, that still gives me time to get supplies. And I'm guessing you need me to go with you. Yeah, we need you to go with us. That's exactly why you're here.

We need your expertise. We're green, right? You can see that, you can hear it in our voices, and we all know what we're doing. The Luna rattles their head a little bit. We're green. They're just gonna look mildly confused, like, "The fuck? Why you gotta bring race into this?" (LAUGHTER) My people sail. Fuck you. It's not my point, never mind. We don't know what we're doing, but we know we need to be there. Oh, now Luna has points? -Ah! -Ah! You just keep digging your hole deeper, man. Come on. Merrick will do charades and explain very deftly how we need to be in Cayenne.

-And Barden will sit there. -Uh-huh. -Yeah. -Yeah. -Right. -Got it. He starts doing smoke signals. Sounds like... (LAUGHTER) Three syllables. (LAUGHTER) Movie? What's a movie? (LAUGHTER) Yeah, so the point is getting it all across to him that, yeah, no, we need him. We absolutely need him. We need his expertise. We're gonna have a boat, we're gonna have a crew, but we just need to get there, and we've never done it before. I think at this point, Ordon will speak up and ask Barden, what experience do you have over there? Oh, I've made the trek to Cayenne a few times.

Not a whole lot going on up there. Mostly to explore. I had a couple of friends up in one of the settlements, the one to... one of the east. If they're still alive, they might give you free room and board. Well, that would be nice. What type of problems can we expect outside of the supplies and cold? Hmm. All of them. You, um... You got any idea what's running around up there? Can I roll a nature check? Sure can. I wanna be a sassy pants. Ooh. Guys, I got two digits. I won today. I won. Kelowna would have a pretty good idea of what's going... Kelowna would have heard stories about what's going on up in Cayenne.

There are white dragons that far north, obviously. The thing is, they don't usually hunt people, because you guys would just be kind of a snack. White dragons are huge, by and large, and they tend to hunt things that have a bit more meat on them, stuff like that. The thing is, up in Cayenne, there's a hell of a lot of really large things, big, thick hides, that type of stuff. And anything that's survived that type of wilderness is gonna be really tough. And the last thing you guys are gonna be really in any shape for is kind of fist fighting stuff like that.

So Kelowna will say, "Big and bad." I need to look over at Kelowna. Bingo. Bingo in Therian. We have charades, so... [LAUGHTER] Look, I can show you where to walk and how to get to settlements, things like that. Depends on what you're after, though. Sounds like you got a specificity to your little quest. We need to be at a specific location on a specific day. Can you make that happen for us? You give me enough time, sure. Well, is this enough time for you? Well, what's the date? 51 days from now. Oh, sure, we can make that happen. Gonna be slow going once we get to the continent, though, just to let you know.

If we leave in three weeks, will that give us enough time to be there in 51 days from now? Wouldn't it be 50? Shh. [LAUGHTER] Listen, I don't wanna get bit in the ass by this. We were a day late and now the demons got out. Womp, womp. Fucking Merrick. Why did you say 50 days? Carry the one, Merrick. I also... I like the idea of Kaluna mumbling, "Isn't it 50?" And Merrick just being like, "Shh. Don't embarrass me in front of new people." I think I know math, Kaluna. Ugh. So 50 days from now. Oh, shit, you're right, you're right. You know the math. Our bad, our bad.

We didn't go to school. Fine, fine. Merrick finds a calendar and points and says, "That day, I need to be there." For future reference, it's the fourth of Rangway. If you guys need any specific... Writing it down. It's on the calendar on the website. Just letting you know. Just saying. That is the next fourth of Rangway. The apocalypse is on the calendar? Really? Well, okay, whether it's the apocalypse or not is up to you guys. Oh, I didn't realize we could do that. Let's do that. Okay. What's in the world, guys? Let's just jump ahead. What happens? Why, me and Bree were just talking about this last night, actually.

You'll see. I hope we don't. Oh my god. I hope you-- Dude, I'm rooting for you, but we'll see. I can't make it easy, obviously. You're rootin' for us? Shut up. Uh... [both laugh] That was the worst stretch I've ever made. I'm proud of myself. [both laugh] Where do we leave off? I forget. We just do-- No, basically, Merrick's just saying, we need to be-- You want specifics. It sounds like we have some specificity. That's absolutely true. On this day, on the fourth of Rangworm, Rangway, runway-- Rangway. Cup of girl. [both laugh] Fourth of Rangway, we've got to be at a very specific place.

Does that give us enough time if we leave in about three weeks? You tell us what day you need to leave, and we'll leave that day. No. Three weeks should be plenty of time. Again, blinding snowstorms, cold like you can't even imagine. And then, of course, we're gonna be avoiding avoiding certain things up there, but if you just need to be to a certain place at a certain time, I should be able to do that in three weeks. If you want to leave earlier, I could probably arrange that too. We have one thing we need to do before we take off. We're gonna be headed out of town for a few days.

Once we're back, you'll still be here, right? I'll still be prepping the ship, I'd imagine. Then we'll let you know. We may leave earlier. We may need to make sure we're there in plenty of time. I just want to make sure that we don't leave too late. Yeah, we can do that. Okay, so we'll regroup in, I don't know, let's say a week. Yeah. I can't help but notice something. You and I have been talking now for a little while, and payment is... Yeah. What's your fee? Oh, a bunch. Yeah, I imagine. [laughter] That's beautiful. What's it gonna take? I just like that we've clearly defined that Marek is not a great negotiator, but he may be a great diplomat.

Oh, a bunch. I can't. [laughter] Well, I'll tell you what. You give me a little per diem for spending money and picking up all your supplies for you, you're gonna have a ship ready for me to load. Yep. Call it 10,000 even, and that'll take care of the entire trip. So let me get this straight. 10,000 even with a per diem. Hmm. That would be included. Included in the 10. Hmm. And you'll take care of all of the details. Yep. All right, well, sounds good. And Marek is just gonna put his hand out. Oh, he'll give you a hearty shake. Barden, where are you staying? Well, I usually frequent the Stout Adventure, but I don't think it's such a good idea that you come around there anymore.

Shh. It's a little straight. Since I'm gonna be loading up one of, uh... And he's gonna point around the house. I'm guessing one of the house's ships. Yeah. Yeah. I could just visit here once a day. If that's okay. Oh, sure, sure. You want me to get started now? As soon as possible. We've gotta get started ourselves. Look, we'll be back in a few days, and we'll make sure there's word sent that we're here. We'll know more when we get back about exactly when we need to leave. Sound good? That sounds agreeable. I'll tell you what. I know 10,000 is a large sum for certain folks, so I'll give you a few days to come up with that money.

As long as you agree to pay when you get back, we'll be doing just fine. We'll do everything we can to make sure everything's solid for you. I'll tell you what. Just out of goodwill, how about let's give you something for the week to get started, huh? And Merrick's gonna go back up to his pack and whatever and just take out of his own personal gold. Okay. He's gonna take, I don't know what would make sense here. I don't even know. Like 1,000 to get started? Yeah, 1,000 for the week or something like that. That sounds great. Let me write that down in my notes, 'cause your character sheet is flipped out right now.

Sweet. So, Barton, you mentioned not coming back to the Stout Adventure. What exactly happened there? Oh, they just don't take too kindly to dwarves of your stature. And he's gonna kind of motion to your armor. I got that, but why? Well, I mean, you kind of represent the establishment is the thing. They don't really fall in line with the king and all that. Just a difference of opinion, really. Is that a common belief? In that bar? Oh, yeah. How about elsewhere? I haven't spent a lot of time around. You might find people who don't agree with how Stone Sunder handles things, but most won't come to blows over it.

It's, uh... Well, it's Brightport, you know. I'm starting to. Thanks. Oh, no problem. You know, they did give you the option to leave. They don't do that for most folks. Turning tail isn't exactly something I'm used to doing. Well, then, you mind if I give you a suggestion? Sure. You might want to bring a weapon in next time. [laughs] Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right. Well, I'm gonna go get started here. I'll see you folks in a few days. Sounds good. Thanks, Barden. Santos is gonna give him another, like, chin bump. I have nothing. Yeah, he'll give you the, like, "Sup?" No, no way.

Sup? Has he been wearing his wide-brim hat the whole time, or does he take it off when he comes inside? Oh, he usually just kind of, like, takes it off and puts it on his knee. Okay. And then when he goes to stand up, yeah. I love him. [laughs] Easy. Right. There we go. What? I couldn't tell if you were yelling my name if you were just, like, making some sort of strange exclamation. Just... Um, okay. You remember the roll I did earlier? -Vaguely. -It was a 24. I remember. -Yeah. -That doesn't sound too bad. It isn't. That was the roll to see whether you guys are dead or not.

-Whoo! -Yeah. -You guys did pretty well. -Man, you can't put that on the DL for such an important roll. [laughs] It doesn't affect your party at all. Jason. It just affects the lives of two people. [laughs] By the way, you're dead. It's just a crit miss, and it's just two bodies just, like, pop up in the middle of the fucking house, just like... Well, basically, worst case scenario, right, is the teleportation stone works, and it puts you, like, 45 or 50 feet in the air, and you guys fall in on your necks. Like, that's basically what you're dealing with here.

So... So... Here's what's gonna happen. You and Julie are going to land just outside of the city, and this would have happened a while ago, like, while they were having that conversation. So... By this point, you... I mean, you would have been able to make it to wherever... Like, where were you trying to get to? House Dragonkeep, I guess? That's the only, like... So I know that they've been to House Dragonkeep. I don't think I've personally been there. No. But I know they've been to it, so I'd probably just, like, grab somebody on the street and be like, "Hey, where the fuck is House Dragonkeep?" Right.

And then follow the directions. So... I mean... It's not hard to, like... It's really hard to miss, honestly. It's one of the... I feel like it's reasonable that we head straight there, being, like, as, like, that's kind of, like, their hub whenever they've been there. Yeah, that's the only thing you have to go on in that city, is, yeah. And that's, yeah. So, as... As Barden is, uh... Is kind of saying goodbye and everything like that, he's taking off, I'd say Una and Julie would get to House Dragonkeep about that time. All right, perfect. I guess the door's not open, so we'll probably knock.

Uh, David would answer the door and... "Can I help you?" Una's gonna have that weird moment of, like, "Oh shit, wrong house," like... Because, like, one of them didn't open it, and she's not aware of David existing, so it's just kind of, like... She doesn't... He doesn't seem like a manservant. Does he seem like a manservant? Like, is he dressed like a butler or some shit? He's... He's not a butler. It's not... He's... You get so offended on his behalf every time it's brought up. Because that's not his title! He's not... He's not... He's not some foot servant.

He's... Anyway. He's a facilitator. Yeah. It's a very important title. Houses wouldn't run without him, guys. That's huge. -Exe... -Com, he... He'd have, like, a nice vest and stuff on, though. Like, I mean, he would be dressed very well. Alright, Una would get kind of, like, sheepish, and kind of like that awkward, like, child, you know, ringing doorbell asking if you want to buy any Girl Scout cookies kind of thing. And just like, "Um... "Would, uh... "Somebody named Merrick or Kaluna, uh... "Or... "Do they live here?" They don't live here, but they are visiting, yes.

Come in. And he would step aside. And it's gonna, like, yeah, like, thank God he stepped aside, 'cause after hearing, like, "Yep, they're here," like, she would basically shove him aside. Yeah. And Julie would be right next to you. Julie would have a look like, "Fucking really? "That's a one in a million. That's... "That's... That... We lucked out?" So, maybe she's just gonna start, like, walking, and then, like, accidentally, like, realize, like, "Oh, no, I don't know where the fuck they are." So she'll kind of, like, give David, like, the look, like, "Wanna help me out here, buddy?" And he'd see that through the archway into the living room.

And he'd just kind of motion. All right, and all just, like, stride on in, I suppose. I'm imagining the party didn't move from the living room. It's only been a few moments, so I'm guessing that they didn't even get too far away. We didn't run into the dwarf on our way in, did we? No, he would have left. -Nah. -Orton fucking booked it. Like, he was gone. "I got a piss!" (ALL LAUGH) And he was never heard from again. Right. -Scene. -I never heard of him. So what's the deal here? So, Una just basically barges into the living room. Basically, yeah. -And Julie's kind of come...

-Una and Julie, yeah. Yeah, kind of come behind her. As soon as Kaluna, like, notices them, they probably look over, like, "Who the fuck is this?" And then once they recognize Una, they would fucking charge her. "Guess!" Una's gonna bear-hug the shit out of Kaluna. Like, that thing where you squeeze him and you, like, lift him up. Aw, shit. Yeah, Kaluna will squeeze as hard as they can back. And, like, once they're back on the ground, they'll try and reciprocate. (ALL LAUGH) -Like, heavy plate. Good luck. -Yep. Yep. They're gonna try. Yep. As... Yeah. As... As soon as...

As soon as Brie would see Una, it'd be the same thing. Just, like, drop everything, run over, grab her. -Oh, yeah. -Shove her tongue right down her mouth. -Yeah. -Just, like, how far... Start sucking back. (ALL LAUGH) Just throw her down, suck her back. Yeah. There it is. (ALL LAUGH) I really hope that, like, beginning part gets included in the episode, so, like, all the suck back. (LAUGHS) I... Nope. It's Patreon content. They're gonna have to... -'Cause it's an hour long. -Yeah. (ALL LAUGH) -Is it really? -It's so long. -Holy fuck. -Good. You're welcome, Patreon. (LAUGHTER) -Jesus Christ.

-Uh... As soon... I think as soon as Kaluna noticed Brie coming over, they would, like, hop backwards. Like, as though they were about to be set on fire or something. Just, like, get out the way. Emotions are coming! -Yep. -Yeah. Yeah, Una will, uh, hug the shit out of Brie. 'Cause there's people here she doesn't know, so she's not gonna, like, do anything hella sexy, but... -Right. -Yeah. She might have pinched her ass just a little bit. Oh, yes. I mean... It has to mark the territory. Just so everybody knows, like... Then, obviously, she'll turn to Merrick and, like...

Do, like, the, "Hey, you gonna come hug me?" sort of, like... Yeah, Merrick's just been sort of watching all that happen and he's just grinning and I imagine he had probably tea in his hand. She's gonna set it down, he's gonna come over. He's not gonna do the whole run and bear hug thing. He's just gonna come over, he's gonna put his hand on the back of her head. Not like he's gonna kiss her. -Not like... -But just, like... But warmly, like, right, like, "God." And then he's just gonna give her a really, like, a very slow and very genuine, just a really nice hug and just be like, "I'm so glad to see you." We come bearing gifts.

Holy shit. We need gifts desperately. Who's carrying the thing, by the way, Jason? -I am, Julie. -Julie. OK, good. All right. -No one hug Julie. -Yeah, I know. -Julie. -I think that was a little focused. I imagine the whole time, Thanos is standing to the side, like, you know when, like, you're with your friends and then they meet their other friend, you kind of just, like, back up a little bit? -No. -Just sit there, like, on your phone, like, -"Oh, I've got so many texts suddenly." -"This is fine." -Yeah. -Yeah. I wonder if there's a Pokémon in this room. [laughter] Seriously, though, Merrick would, after that was done, he would acknowledge Julie not halfway.

I think he would also, like, reach out his hand, -like, to do the Conan the Barbarian. -Oh, I love... I wish we did that handshake in real life. We just don't, and it sucks. But, yeah, she would do the round of handshakes and stuff like that, and just... or just, like, "Hey," that kind of thing, just, "Hi." -"Hey." -And... Eventually, she would drop her pack and take this little leather satchel-type thing out of it and then place it on the table in the middle of the room and then kind of, you know, peel back this leather, and there will be this... Picture a teardrop kind of divided vertically.

So just sort of half of that, and it's kind of, like, laying on this thing. It's a very polished stone with etchings on it over it, but it's about the size of, like, a softball, something like that. It would fit very nicely in your hand, and she's gonna sit that down on the table. So Una's gonna, like, kind of hand gesture at it, like, "Bam! "Turns out we only get half of that shit." Merrick's gonna look down at this and go... He's gonna whistle like... [WHISTLES] -"What is it?" -"The artifact." -"What artifact?" -"I don't actually know." -"Uh..." -"Or at least it's been a while." I know.

Well, I mean, I don't think that Merrick knew what was happening. -Like, I... -Right, that's... Una and... Julie had just found stuff in a book, and it was like, "We got some stuff we're gonna go try to take care of." And Merrick's like, "Okay." So this is, like... He's like... Wait, does the artifact have a name, Jason? [LAUGHS] -That's the thing. -Know its name? Don't know it. Julie's gonna sit down. Just kind of plop down on, like, these big couches and stuff. Just kind of plop down. That is one half of the artifact that's gonna help us fight the demons if it comes to that.

Apparently the other half is in Kian somewhere. Yeah, right. So Merrick's gonna be nodding his head. Yeah, we've come across some information kind of letting us know that that's true, too. So... Okay, good. So you were successful. You got this. It's not gonna be easy to find the other half. It would just be like nodding, like she's kind of listening to him, but she's also kind of staring over his shoulder at the new people. Right, right. Oh, sure, of course. We've got a couple of people hanging out with us since you left because we needed help and we didn't know if...

Well, I didn't know if you were... I'm glad you're back. This is Santos. Santos, this is Una. This is Julie. Sup. -Shrug. -She's in a thing. -She's got... -Shrug. Uh, like, Una's gonna walk over to Santos and kind of do the sizing her up thing and just see how Santos reacts to that. She'll kind of, like, cross her arms and lean back, like, "Fuck are you looking at?" That is going to impress Una, so she'll just grin and, like, hold out her hand to shake. That's going to make Santos happy, so she's just gonna nod and shake her hand. -Brad. -Good. We have an agreement.

All right. She's like, "Are you a badass?" "Of course I'm a badass. Are you a badass?" -Good. -Like, sweet. All right. -We're gonna get along. -Okay. And then she'll, like, turn her eyes to Ordon. And Ordon. Ordon, this is Una. Ordon will walk up to Una and extend his hand. "I've heard a lot about you. All good." Do I have to roll to see if I've heard anything about him? Is he famous enough that I would? I don't think you would. In dwarven culture, yeah, but not to Una, I wouldn't believe. All righty. She's gonna say, "I have heard nothing about you. At all." And then, like, shake his hand.

Like, it's kind of a joke, but also kind of like... All right, fucker. I think Ordon might be more stunned by that than Kaluna's show the other night. [laughter] If he doesn't say anything, Kaluna will help him out? Question mark. He takes hits. All right, like, Una's like, "No, I can respect that." Well, to be fair, they usually don't hit, but... Kaluna will huff, and they can't really roll their eyes, but they'll move their whole head like they're rolling their eyes. [laughter] - Like this fucking... - You roll your head. Yeah, just like, "This fucking asshole.

You tried to help, but no." Una's gonna, like, step away from Ordon, just, like, mutter under her breath as she's walking back to the artifact, just like braggart. "Bam, it's a pickup. Where did you find it? I mean, was it... guarded by anything?" No, that's the weird thing. It was just sitting in this fucking room. Nothing. No guardians, no weird traps. We just walked up and fucking plucked it. Yeah, it was hard to find, but once we got there... absolutely easy. Saves us a lot of trouble. And she's gonna look up to Merrick. Yeah, and if that has any indication of what it's gonna be like when we find the second piece, that's not bad, right?

Maybe it'll be hard to find, but... Or maybe all the guardians of the first piece are now guarding the second piece, because that's the most important one. Why do you have to be like that, Una? -Yes. -She's gonna, like, grin, -like, "Have you met me?" -Yeah. I'm just... I'm looking for hope and simplicity in everything, and I can't find it. So, yeah, okay. All right, so, great. This is great. We've got half of this artifact. We need the other half, and we're headed to Kion. And then here's where I'm gonna actually just say, -"Exposition dump." -Exposition dump.

Yep, I was just about to say. So, okay. Perfect. Stop me if this is something that Merrick wouldn't tell Una and Julie, though I don't see what the point would be in holding back. So, all the knowledge you found in the library. And Izzy, you tell me if something isn't clear, and you need me to expound upon it so that you understand what's going on. All right. Are you just gonna say all the knowledge in the library? Because I'm gonna need that in books. Okay. Essentially, when... Okay, basically the stuff you've been hearing so far in the session, all of the...

When the event is supposed... When the Blood Moon is supposed to take place, the two rituals, either to release the demons or release the gods from, you know, being shackled to mortal coils, all of that needs to... One of the other needs to be done on the night of the Blood Moon. That's it. Barring that, you have to wait till the next one. Gotcha. How often do these come about? Like an Aztec calendar kind of thing? About every 30 years. Oh, fuck. Okay, so it's like several in our lifetimes. Yes. So, there's that, the whole Darmok thing. Darmok, it appears as though he is either a demon now, something high up, something...

He wants to lead the charge basically to invade Theria. The whole thing about the Sion needing to open the seal one way or the other, and it will probably cost them their lives if that's the case. The other half of this... The other half of this artifact being in Kion, hiring Barden, all of that. That sound good to everybody? -Yep. -Anybody let me know that Bree is a werewolf yet? Oh, that would be in there somewhere. -Okay. -Yeah. -Mixed in. -Well, actually, I'll be honest with you, that's the... If Merrick is saying some of this stuff, I don't think he would have pointed that out.

I think he'd want Bree to broach that subject herself. That might be a private conversation. Right. I don't think he would have brought it up at all. And I think if anybody started to, he would try to quickly move around it, but, you know, whatever. And again, that might... I think Kaluna might try to keep up. And if they had been able to, they would have been like, "You didn't say anything," but I don't think they would. They'd just be like... "Uh..." -A lot has happened in over a week. -Yep. Jesus Christ. Oh! Oh! Kaluna might... Kaluna might remember something and mention, "Oh.

Oh, uh... We got worms." -So... -Aww! This entire time, Uno's face has been kind of grave and set, you know, just like, "Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Mm-hmm." Like, not super surprised about anything. A little kind of like, "Ugh," with the whole one-Sion-needs-to-die thing, basically. But when Kaluna says she got worms, it'll briefly be a look of disgust and then quickly change to concern. But still kind of like... doesn't have words for like, "Is that a bad thing? Is that a good... Like, you want compost?" Like, she doesn't understand what to say. When is that supposed to come to fruition, by the way, Jason?

Oh, soon. Soon. The time estimate you were given is somewhere... somewhere in the area of like, a week-ish. -Good. Good. -Mm-hmm. Coming up on it. Okay, good. Yeah, Kaluna would mention that, like, it's not so much like, "Oh, this is a big thing that happened that you should know about," just... It's more of a like, "Hey, I'm going to be dying soon, just so you know." Would she make it clear that it's like, a dying thing? Oh, it's not dying, it's just like, "I'm going to be..." -Really bad food poisoning. -Yeah. -I'm going to be dying. -Think of David's gonna have to get the carpet changed.

-Yeah. -Oh, God. Gonna be hiding in a room somewhere. Don't worry if I go missing. I imagine the Jadzia retiring with Valus and Esterholt and all that would probably be, you know, just in case that wasn't clear. Wait. What'd you just say? Jadzia and Valus retiring in Esterholt? Oh, God, I heard dying and I was like, "Ugh!" -No! -What? No! Okay. All right. Yeah, I mean, I figured that one, 'cause that one's kind of set up. That's where you're leaving. Okay. So it'll kind of like digest all of this. Well, perfect fucking timing then. Damn straight. And I guess this is part of the exposition, but...

Listen, before we head out, we're going to go up to Uminyiro. We've got to find out more and more and more, whatever we can find before we get up there. We can't just go up there and scramble around. We've got to be armed with all the knowledge we can possibly have, including taking this, and he's going to point at the teardrop artifacts at half, and just whatever we can find out, what it can do, what we can do, what's going to help us. So are you on board? Of course. But two things. One, don't let any of those fucking wizards touch that. And two, Julie should probably come.

She's good at books and shit. Well, Julie? Yeah, sure. She could tag along a little longer. And she'd kind of look over to Una just real quick, like, "Really? OK. Sure." It's clearly not a thing that Una's happy about, like, "Oh, yeah, just bring her along. It'll be fun." It's just kind of like, "Yep, this is a thing that should happen because it's the most efficient way to do something." But she'll kind of give Julie a look like, "You're not so bad." Guys, I think that's a pretty good time for us to stop for the evening. - And, wow, this is a big party now.

- Yeah. This is a crew. This is actually a crew. - It's a real party, guys. - We need a crew. It's actually going to come in handy. How are we going to fit them all in the dragon, though? - In the dragon? - That'll be easy. Isn't she, like, constantly growing? Shouldn't she be, like, fucking, like, enormous by now? She's already enormous. She's ginormous. And she could easily fit all of you in her. That would be... - Yeah, that's the easy way. - Comfy, warm. Yeah. I thought they smelled bad. I'll be outside. Hey, folks, Brianna here. I hope you enjoyed that episode of DNR.

And if you did, please go to patreon.com and check out some of our behind-the-scenes stuff, including why you should suck our backs. And if you don't have any money to contribute to Patreon or whatever, you could definitely go to our iTunes and help us out by giving us a five-star rating or sharing this episode. That is so important. Because right now, the only way we advertise is word of mouth. Most importantly, we hope to see you guys at Dragon Con. You guys know we're super excited for this. We are really going all out for these panels. And we really hope to see you there.

Thank you so much. Bye. [END]