Jamboree

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[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you're only going to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job. I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Today's episode of Dungeons & Randomness is brought to you by Certifiable Games, who admittedly employ the listeners of this podcast to carry on with your regular tabletop gaming interests and try not to think of the visually striking, strategically engaging, and uniquely nerve-wracking gameplay of Endangered Orphans of Condyle Cove, the rather unfortunate successful offering on Kickstarter.com.

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We'll go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Lisa. - Hey, I'm Lisa, and I play Elorath Beestinger, the halfling barbarian. - And Zach. - What's up? My name is Zach, and I play Iveline Bates, the human ranger marauder. - And Kira. - Hi, I'm Kira. I play Zoya Rook, the dwarf cleric. - And Jane. - Hi, I'm Jane. I play Efni, the gnome bard. - And Karen. - Hi, I'm Karen. I play Irina Stonebreaker, a mole paladin. - And Valerie. - Hi, I'm Valerie, and I play Sora Greywing, the halfling ranger.

- Guys, last time on the show, you made it to the city of Overwatch. You had a nice little chit chat with the new queen, Leora. You met Efni and Iveline personally, not just in combat, but you actually got a chance to chit chat. And I don't know if that made things better or worse. What I would like to do here, because it's basically the situation you guys are in, was essentially Leora said, look, get your shit together, and then you can come back and talk. After that, you guys have been through a pretty rough road. Catch your breath and everything. That was on the 8th of Thorim.

What I'd like to do is I would like to jump ahead to the 11th of Thorim. You guys have been set up in the castle until today, right? And it's essentially you guys are being weighted on hand and foot. It's pretty much, look, just relax. We got things. And when you're feeling composed-- So what I'd like to do is, firstly, I would like to ask the group what you think you'd be doing, what you would have been doing in those three days, like the 2 and 1/2 days, something like that. You guys are pretty much just off. It's a vacation. Would it be a thing where you were taken in the sights of the city?

Are you getting to know each other a little bit better? What do you feel like each one of you would have been doing? Sleeping and bathing. OK. And eating. And eating. That's the thing. I didn't know if it would be like you get home from a really long road trip, and it's just like, I'm not moving. I'm not even opening the curtains. Like, I just want it dark and sleepy, and I'm going to see what's on TV. Me last week is what you're saying. OK. I don't want Natural Sun to touch me. I think probably the first day, Sora would be like that. But I remember that Liara wanted to talk to me and Elarath, I think.

Pretty much about the events leading into Lockford, and then Lockford itself, because you guys are the only ones to have left. We have the original party and make it back. So it's more-- for that, I think it would be more of a trading war stories type thing. So that's one of those things where she was like, OK, look. When you're ready to tell me about details, come on back. But she's not good at coddling people, if that makes sense. Would that be something you think you would have done in the two and a half days or so? I think so. Yeah, probably. Gone to her and broken down everything that happened.

Is there anything that we wouldn't tell her? I don't think so. No, because I think we already-- if there was sensitive information, we did that last session, what with Bree getting bit and people dying and stuff. Yeah, she would have asked you more details about that and everything. That would have probably been the first thing. It's like, OK, tell me all about that. Because she has people looking into this now, looking for Bree specifically. But beyond that, it would probably be a lot of info about the werewolves. And not just, OK, how big were they? How much do you think it weighed?

OK, OK, and this and that. And not-- it'd be very specific, like, and how does it kill? How did it do this to your friends? How did it-- she would ask very intimate questions about what happened and how-- how do they hunt? Do they hunt in packs? OK, OK. She would want all of that information, almost like she's getting ready to go out and hunt them herself. If they weren't all dead, it would be like, OK, OK. Like, she's taking notes. I forgot she was-- I forget she's a monster hunter, like, every time. They said that last time, but I forget. But that's her-- that's her bag.

And then the other thing, I don't remember what we did with them. If we gave them to Jadzia or the temple, the stuff that we found in the forest-- I believe. --the, like, chess set and something else. We gave them to Arena to hold. I believe Arena gave them away. Yeah, to Craig. Yes. Yeah, I donated them. OK, cool. That's fine. I just didn't remember what happened to them. Yes. Because, like, I didn't know exactly what they were, but I knew that they were, like, wanted. So I figured they-- Well, one day that chess set's going to get used. Being in the hands of the temple would be better.

You know that plot point that you came up with, like, three years ago? We just keep waving at it, passing it by. Everyone does. That's OK. That happens way more often than you think. But that's one that's like, huh? Son of a bitch. OK, bye. I had a better history roll. No. It's totally fine. It makes perfect sense. Arena doesn't seem like the type to be really super interested in chess sets. No. So, OK. So this time is going to go by. You guys are going to get relaxed. But on the 11th-- Huh. Oh. Sorry. Well, no. We're just taking turns. No. No, no, no. Just skip over. I am very sorry.

I wasn't trying to skip over. It's like double dutch. You just jump in. No, I just want to say, I want to go see Fletcher and get all my figures. See, I kind of already figured that was going to be-- Well, for continuity. Mm-hmm. Just, you know, just want to put that out there. I was going to ask you about that, because that's something that was brought up at the end of the last session. If it's something that's like, OK, you guys need repairs or anything like that, that's all going to be taken care of. That's on the house, so to speak. And there's a huge military unit within the city that they don't have much to do right now.

So fixing armor and stuff, that's no problem for them. Now, there are certain individuals who probably aren't going to be happy to A, see you, B, help you. Like, don't expect it to be warm and fuzzy, specifically Fletcher, because he's a cock bag. Oh. [LAUGHTER] But yeah. Great. That'll-- yeah, it's-- let me break something. Everyone do me a favor. Give me a streetwise check, because after a couple of days, you guys are going to have the lay of the land, I would say. Yeah, that was another thing I wanted to say, is I would-- Irena would definitely want to-- Oh my god, I know everything about Overwatch. [LAUGHTER] Hey, it's not bad.

Holy shit, Efini. Oh yeah. Efini, tell us all about the Overwatch. What? What? No. [LAUGHTER] Well. Where's Aveline? There we go. There he is. Oh, wow. There you go. Still terrible, though. That's my non-streetwise little buddy. He just keeps getting into fights, because people don't know how to take him. Why? Hey, man, what'd you hit me for? He just keeps flapping his hair a lot, people. Oh my god, I got this bear paw. Nobody wants it. Still trying to sell it. I picture him walking up and petting people's faces with it. Oh. Oh. Yeah. That's it. Do you want to buy this?

Ew, ew, gross. Sliding across their face. Feels good, doesn't it? OK. That's cool. Jason, you can't say that. Don't please, Efini. [LAUGHTER] Let's-- Efini and I would say Efini, Elareth, and Irina would pick up some of this, too. Wow, Sora. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] I did not notice that until just now. Holy shit. So this is a-- you guys already knew this, but this is a really tense time for the city, right? Up until a month ago, this place was locked down, Titus can be highly vigilant and taught for years that anyone who isn't human is bad inherently. Not necessarily that people like moles or elves or halflings or whatever are trying to hurt them, but it's really, oh, they can't help it.

It's their nature. They're just-- it's in their nature to be-- if you're smaller than human, then it's like, oh, they're sneak thieves. They're going to crawl into your house in the middle of the night and just steal. They can't help it. They're compulsive little thieves. They can't-- that kind of thing. So I'm just going to go crazy at any moment because I'm huge and intimidating. Basically, yes. It's like, oh, they're trained killers. They don't have emotions, that kind of thing. The only thing they're good to do is lifting. That's it. Whatever the stereotype is for that race, they just steered into it really, really hard.

So again, up until weeks ago, this was just-- that was their norm. All of a sudden, their entire city is desegregated. And people who were living here before that fall are still living here. Some people left. But I mean, there are some people who very much have the mindset of like, why should I leave? This is my city. They should leave, that type of thing. And there's some major pushback. There have been two separate assassination attempts on Liara since she's taken over in a very short time. And as a result, security at the-- security at the castle has gotten really, really high.

And that's something you've noticed since the time that you left and then came back. It's like, oh, wow. You can't go anywhere without someone watching you. And it's not because they necessarily suspect you're going to do something. It's just that everyone's very hypervigilant. As for the city itself, there's a ton of people just like you who have moved in. They used to live here years and years ago, or they had family that lived here and were sort of hiding in places. There are half-elves that fit in with humans. There are taller halflings that can pass for humans.

Like, I'm just really short, guys. Seriously. Like, you can pass. Like, they're passable. So it's a really tough life. But it's like, oh, look. I have a business here. I'm not leaving. So years and years ago, they just sort of decided, well, I'll change my last name or something. That's pretty much the lay of the land now. You guys, I would imagine, have left the castle a few times. You're sort of getting-- there are places in the city where it is not cool to-- you could see the city itself is desegregated, but there are pockets of it that's like, oh, no. This is a human bar.

And it's not that it's openly called a human bar. It's just you notice that there aren't anybody but humans here. And they kind of make it known that you're not welcome, that type of thing. So you will run into businesses and establishments that are like that. And there's some heavy pushback for the community. And Liara has kind of gotten to the point where, initially, when she took over, it's like, OK, we're not going to change too much. We're just going to dip our toes in the water. And first of all, let's get everybody living here peacefully. And then, eventually, it's like, no, you don't fuck it.

We're changing the name back. It's going to be over, Dale, after this date. She's getting people prepped. And people are livid. The people who are bigots are livid. It's trying to take-- I don't want to-- never mind. I was going to make a real world comparison. Let's not. I don't want letters. Don't worry about that. [LAUGHTER] We all know. [LAUGHTER] But yeah, that's pretty much the word on the street. That's what things are like in the city right now. And it's gotten a bit tense. Basically, whatever was left of the Overwatch army is pretty much city guard right now.

That's how many people it's taking to keep the peace. There's been a lot of acts of violence or tension. There have been shops that have opened up next to exclusively human businesses that cater to non-humans. It's like, well, fuck it. If you're not going to open up something in this neighborhood, I will. And we're going to sell halfling pants, because you won't sell pants in our size. Dumb shit like that that should not be an issue, but is. We're going to make gnomish vests. I'm tired of shopping in the child section of your store. You have many, many tiny socks. [LAUGHTER] I shit you not.

In this city, there have been-- OK, so there will be mandating, right? It's like, hey, you can't refuse service to this gnome. And they'll go, OK, fine. So they will sell clothing or accessories or items that a gnome could use, but they'll put it on a really high shelf. Oh, wow. That's just petty. It's so petty. It's so shitty. But that's the-- Malicious compliance. That's-- [LAUGHTER] I love it. It's so shitty. But yeah, that's pretty much what you guys are dealing with here. That's what you're coming back to. Oh, home. So it's not perfect, but in time, things might get better.

You sound so hopeful. I'm hoping, man. I don't believe you. Let me ask a question. Was there anything else that you would have done in the two and a half days? Didn't Ephany and Evelyn want to try and recruit people? Did you guys want to do that or-- Well, the thing is, Evelyn right now, he's being treated way better than he thought he would coming back to Overwatch. So he's just kind of enjoying that right now. Just soaking it up. It's our day, every day. He's just walking around looking at stuff. He's picking up paintings and stuff, probably has to be told to put things down and all that.

He's having a good time. He's completely forgotten. OK, is that a thing with Evelyn, that it's just like he's a toucher, like he's very tactile? Like he has to pick things up and touch them and grab them? He's a hands-on learner, I guess you could say. OK. He doesn't get the feel of stuff. But I mean, he's just really enjoying himself right now. Let me ask another question. In the two and a half days, would this be something where you guys are kind of getting some alone time? Because picture it, you are always together when you're on the road because you have to watch each other's back.

And then, I mean, god, getting to Lockford wasn't any easier. It's not like you get to split up once you get there. Like you're always together. Like you barely have time to grab a meal separately or anything like that. Would this be more of a alone time for you guys? Or would this be time that you sort of get to know each other a little bit more and relax? Because two of you are very new, and you just sort of met each other outside the city. So you've only-- up until getting to the Overwatch, you've only known them a few hours. Or would there be like, hey, let's go grab dinner together.

Let's go have a drink, that type of thing. Dinner and drink sounds good. OK. Probably to Elorath. I don't know about you guys. Yeah, it would do, actually. She'd be down for that. Yeah, if someone offers, Aveline will go as well. I would totally go. All right, so let's say after a couple of days of relaxation on the 11th, you guys decided, hey, let's go grab a nice family dinner. What could go wrong? I have to distrust in this call. You're too chipper. I don't-- I'm super chipper. I'm happy. I can't be happy. No. I got to-- I put a moratorium on happiness. I really don't know where this paranoia comes from.

I don't either, God. I'm nicer to you guys than anyone. I feel like I'm somehow way less anxious than anyone else. I died recently. Come on. That's fair. I'm just being an asshole. I love you, Jason. I'm glad you're happy. I love you too, Lisa. Thank you. All the homo. It's cool I'm a half-elf. Excuse me. We're all in character here. It's fine. [LAUGHTER] So let's say you guys go out to a lovely little restaurant this evening. And I would imagine it's kind of like an old country buffet type style, where it's just this big table. You guys are all hanging out, and there's food out.

Because of the size of the city in there, there's sort of restructuring. There are nice restaurants where you can go, and they'll wait on your hand to foot. And then there's the type where it's a lot more-- structured a lot more relaxed. And you just kind of go in, and it's like, here's some-- we got this thing roasting. And then you've got a side of this. And here's a trough full of that. And you just go up and just scoop stuff on a plate. And then you go have a seat. Sounds good to me. That one. That one. So I imagine everyone takes a seat. And this place is this huge kind of dimly lit restaurant thing.

And in the middle, there's this huge fire pit. And along the edges of this fire pit, they have cauldrons of stuff like stews and soups and things. That's more the kind of liquid station. And then there's cold beverages and hot beverages and all kinds of stuff. There's a bar over the side. It's actually a nice little setup. I thought you were going to say hibachi for a second. And I was like, are you really excited? They're making an onion volcano. It's amazing. I am totally up for some hibachi noodles. I love those things. So I imagine you guys grab-- you've got your stuff.

You're sitting down. Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Yeah, I mean, Avalon is just kind of chowing down pretty hard. There's a lack of manners there. What? Yeah, surprising, right? Using utensils? That's what I was going to ask. Are you going to do that with your hands? He's using utensils, but not-- Does he just bury his face straight down in the plate like a dog? Very close. He's very close to the plate. He's got a organist food in one hand, and he's using both of them to shove food through the plate. If you do that, Elra will do that right back with you.

She's like, fuck yes, I'm so hungry. She's right there with you. Quick question, does Avalon wear fingerless gloves? I always pictured him. I don't know why. It's just one of those things. I don't-- I never made the character like that, but I don't mind, though. Oh, dude, no, I'm not putting things on your character. I was just asking. I was like, I wonder how close my vision is to-- anyway, sorry, I was cutting someone off like an asshole. All right. So you guys are having a lovely evening out. And I would say like 15, 20 minutes go by, something like that.

Everyone do me a favor, roll a perception check. Oh, no. Wow. Ready? Oh my god, I am on fire. Oh, shit. Elra. Holy crap. Oh my god, Karen, we're not alternating. No, it's so exciting. We're both doing well. High five. Also, I'm really proud I said fire today instead of far. Fur. Fur. Cooking with Earl. Let's see, Sora, Elarath, Irina, and Zoya. This place is fairly quiet. There are sections of this place, and it's pretty large. It's almost like a big cafeteria style. It's that large with that many people for an eating establishment. That's pretty big. You get the sense that a long, long time ago, this might have been like a town hall set up or something, then the city just got too big.

They needed a bigger place. So this little taller halfling is going to walk in, long brown hair bespectacled, looks to be a little older, maybe in his later 30s, early 40s, something like that. He's going to walk in, look around, see your group, and then look down at his notes. And then-- yeah, OK. And he's going to wander right up to the table. And he's going to sort of knock on the table to get everyone's attention. Just could I have everyone's attention for just a moment? I'm very sorry to interrupt your meal. Hello. Hi. I was sent by Her Highness. Please don't tell her I called her that.

You can tell he catches himself after he says the words. I'm very sorry. Let me introduce myself. My name is Peepos Quentin. I am sort of a scheduler, a facilitator for the royal court. And I was told you were waiting for further instructions? Yes. Evelyn's still eating, by the way. Just no attention, no fucks given. It's Peepos, by the way. Like, just like-- Peepos. Sorry, I totally heard Peepol. No, that's not-- glory hole Quentin. Last name? Peepos Gloryhole. There we go. I was literally typing P-E-E-P-O-S. I'm probably not even close, but that's how I'm going to say it.

Dude, I spell all these names so fucked up. Like, Steve hates me, I think. I think Steve-- I just write them phonetically in my notes. Right, that's totally fine. I've never been a stickler. That's not how it's-- because who gives a fuck? Would you mind if I sat down with you? Sure, no problem. He is going to take a seat next to Evelyn here. I don't know who would be sitting next to Evelyn. He's going to have a seat and just kind of like spread his notes out and kind of get comfy. As soon as he takes a seat, Evelyn is going to offer like whatever he's eating that's already like half bitten into it.

He's going to like gesture it towards him and say, are you hungry? Aww. Just a giant turkey leg? Yeah, yeah, something like that. He's trying to be nice. Half eaten. You see the saliva coming off of it. He apparently follows the European custom of offering half eaten food. He's from the Addams family. I'm-- Eat up. It's on me. He's just like gesturing like closer to his mouth. I ate before I came. It was a big meal. Really do appreciate it though. Suit yourself. He's going to take it back. OK. Right. Nearest I can tell, and forgive me for being out of the loop, you talked to Her Highness about continuing to work within the city.

I don't recall there being a definite plan, but we were just waiting to see what she wanted to do, so. Well, that's the thing. She wanted to give a plethora of options here, and I have them. I can give you as much information as I possibly can, but I'm going to warn you, there are some issues in the city. If you've spent some time in it, you probably have noticed. Well, she also understands that you've suffered a bit of a trauma. So if you're looking for something a bit lighter duty, everyone would understand. However, there are some interesting matters that your team could look into and we would be very grateful for.

So how about we get started? How interesting. Very interesting. And he's going to be looking-- he'll be looking at his notes and then look up at Elarath, like that librarian look where you're not looking through the lenses of your glasses, you're looking over them. I love him. So what do you got? Well, there is a committee to start-- we don't really have a clever name for this yet, but it's Human Every Other Race Relations, some sort of ground crew to help facilitate people communicating in our new sterling community, getting shops to work together, perhaps some sort of discount incentive, some sort of trade agreement.

We're not sure, but that's something that's been giving us a bit of a tough time. We are looking for a leader, some sort of new guard commander position. A lot of the people policing the city have more of a stabby tone about them, and we're looking for people who are a little more diplomatic. We're not really sure if that would speak to you, because your previous quest was more stabby, but we're guessing you can speak to people as well. Eh. We could skip that one for now. And he's going to make a note like-- I love to imagine he's like, oh, you guys can speak to people and then just dead silent.

Then look over at Aveline. Aveline will say, if need be, I can be very diplomatic. And he's going to tap his turkey wing on the side of his plate. Well, we'll circle back around to that one. Good idea. Oh, boy. As you know, this one's a little trickier. The reputation of our city outside of these walls is tarnished. We were actually looking into a team of diplomats to go and perhaps improve our standing with some of our neighbors on the mainland. This could take time, of course, and we're not expecting any miracles. Like how? Well, that is an interesting question.

We were thinking maybe helping to fix some of the dilemmas that this-- that the city has caused over the years. There's not much we can do for the Evergreen right now, but maybe helping to plant some new trees or smooth things over with the elves could be a start. A lot of collateral damage done in Winterhaven and so on and so forth. But maybe some kindness and charity? Oh, like making nice? Yes, that's sort of what we were thinking. You saw what we were trying to accomplish in Durnhollow and branching out from there. We are sending people to Lockford.

That's underway as we speak. Hopefully, we can help them rebuild. Though that wasn't on us. If you say Lockford, I think Elarath will just look at Sora and we'll just be like, hmm, pass. Oh, no one's asking you to come back. Right, no, I completely understand. Then-- Well, you wouldn't be interested in this one. Here, I'll just cross it off. What? What? Uh-huh. Hook, line, and sinker. Yep. Why don't you let us decide on that one? We should at least hear it before making a decision. Yeah. All right, fine. Again, Queen Brios knows that you've been through a very trying time.

And the last thing we would want you to do is to be thrust into a similar situation. However, there is something unfolding in the city of Odysseia that we were very curious about. You-- you're familiar with the attacks on the city from Strahd weeks ago. And if we were less prepared, that could have been disastrous for everyone who lived here. And we could be in for a similar situation with a very large black dragon that, if I'm understanding correctly, your group did see. Yeah. Yeah, we're the ones that informed Liara about the situation. Right. It has been brought to my attention that you do have some experience with monsters, for lack of a better term.

And we're not saying that we wish for you to fight the dragon. We just wanted to get some sort of lay of the land. What is it doing? Could you tell what it wants? Just strictly a scouting mission. That's all we were supposed to be doing. Yeah, I was going to say, so I would be looking over at Elrath and Sora. Wasn't that what your mission in Lockford was supposed to be? Have you guys heard anything from the Temple of Kord? Oh, you're speaking to Peebus? Yeah. It's been difficult to get cities to communicate with us. It's slow going. We're actually-- once people understand that there is a new leader, and we're trying to restore faith in us, I think communiques will be more frequent.

But it's been difficult so far. We understand that they have some sort of new leadership themselves. Oh, no. No. I was to understand everyone died. Not to be brash. Are you-- everyone died. Are you-- you're talking about Strahd. Oh, the Temple of Kord. Right when they attack Strahd. Right. Well, I thought everyone died at the temple. Like, just-- phew. Like, he's going to make a gesture with his hands like, like that type of thing. If I'm incorrect, please, I'll make amendments. Where did you get this information? Well-- When did you get this information? Oh, about a week ago.

We were just there a week ago. And he's going to be double checking his notes, like, hmm. Well, when did you speak to anyone there? That would've been less than a week ago. Yeah, it was like three days ago. Was-- I don't remember. Well, it took us three days to get from Esther Holt to Overwatch and spend two days. So that's five days. OK, so that's newer information than what he has. It's basically-- OK. OK, sorry. And that is something that's emblematic of, like, you're getting second, third hand, fourth hand information. And it's like, oh, yeah, everyone's dead.

It's like, oh, OK, well, then I'll just write that down. Like, that's-- all they know is basically what's told to them unless they go to the city and find out for themselves. That's kind of word of mouth. We were just there five days ago. And the temple paladins are not dead. They, in fact, just got a bunch of new recruits in. Oh. I am terribly sorry. That's quite embarrassing. I'll make amendments right now and change all of that. Irena looks, like, really relieved because for a second there she, like, thought that that was newer information and, like, everyone really was dead.

Right. Well, the dragon situation is obviously something far out of our hands. As individuals, we just wanted to get a bead on it. You'd be given a team if you think that that would be better. If you think a smaller team sneaking in would be more efficient, we can do that too. We would make sure that you're completely outfitted. Brand new equipment. I think we already have an idea of what's going on or what's going to be going on in Odysseia. I'm not sure how much-- Good, right? Like, we already have, I feel, a pretty solid theory on what the black dragon is and what it's doing.

And it's pretty easy to guess what it's going to do when it finds out Strahd is dead. Probably already found Strahd by now. And it would take us a day or two to even get down to Odysseia. If a dragon's coming, it's already coming. OK, Pippos looks lost. Like, this is all new information to him. Like, you have way more information on the dragon than he figured you would have. When we left Esther Holt, the Temple of Kord was getting ready to go deal with that. So to my knowledge, something's already being done about that. Oh, well, we should try to get in contact with them.

Hopefully, the situation has been dealt with. I would love to know if you do contact them and they respond. We'll send word out today. Thank you. So dragon is off the table. Fine. I love this guy. Sorry. [LAUGHTER] The entire time-- I'm just going to look so relieved that we are not doing that for the dragon. The entire time, he is more looking at notes than-- like, you could tell he relies on these a lot. So-- and he's going to set everything down and just sort of, like, steeple his fingers and kind of rest his elbows on the table. What speaks to you? Talking to people instead of fighting werewolves might be nice for a change.

And we can build stuff, which means it won't be too boring. I do like the idea of building some goodwill. Making nice. There is a couple of more things. But if there's something that isn't on this list that you feel you could contribute to the city, absolutely be my guest to suggest it. And I'll run it up the pole and get it approved. I'm sure it wouldn't be too difficult. You are practically war heroes here to some people. What else is on your list? Well, very tedious things. Again, the light duty stuff that I was talking about. It would-- it would-- sorry.

Oh, no, no. Go ahead. I'm not trying to interrupt you. No, that's OK. Go ahead. I mean, it'd just be like, well, it'd be good to know everything that's going on. That way, if we decide to take care of one thing, maybe we can potentially take care of another thing while we're at it. Two birds, one stone. Of course. Well, there's a massive rebuilding effort. A lot of people have been left homeless. And then the surge of incoming refugees. There's trying to find a place for everyone. There's lots of new shops opening up. There are tons of people looking for merchandise.

And sadly, there's been an instance of old merchants not allowing newer merchants to open up on their same block or having any access to their suppliers, things of that nature. It's all quite petty and silly, but it is a problem nonetheless. Lots of graves. Lots of graves need to be dug. You don't like digging holes by any chance, do you? Better than falling in them. Oh. Does the queen have any intention of doing anything about the slavers? That is on the list. Nearest we can tell, and its rest would be the target for something like that. And while it's absolutely a priority, it's going to take a little time to amass a force needed to march into the forest blindly.

In the meantime, she did mention patrolling outside of the city in a larger area to prevent something like what happened. Like what happened to your party, again, I apologize for that, to other people who might not be as equipped to deal with that threat. I don't think that any false slavers are going to be hanging around outside our gates. Like if they're going to be taking people, they're going to be doing it in more secluded areas. Am I to understand that you know their methods intimately? Yeah. Perhaps you'd have a suggestion for us, something we could do as a preemptive movement.

Short of burning that entire forest to the ground, I don't know what-- He's going to be jotting that down in his notes. I don't know what would stop them from doing what they do best. Well, we'll keep the fire idea on the back burner for now. Is that something that speaks to you, the slaver idea? I didn't mean to strike a nerve. It just seems as though that there's some investment there emotionally. I'll do whatever you guys want to do. I'm here to help you. So whatever you feel like is more important for your city, I'll do it. And she'll just be looking at Soren Elarath.

OK, what about the rest of you? And he's going to be looking around to anybody who hasn't spoken up yet. Like anybody who hasn't kind of jumped on an idea. Avlin will say, well, truth be told, I just want to do what's best for the city of Overwatch. I just recently found worth in society again, and I just want to prove myself worthy. So whatever I have to do, I am ready to do it. He would look over at Efini. I think she'd be nodding along, agreeing with Avlin. And she'd also say that she felt the same as Zoya, that it'd be nice to help fix things and goodwill gestures, that kind of thing, help make amends where we could.

Again, he's just jotting down notes the entire time. What about Sora? Sora says, I really like the idea of going out and helping other people that this city has harmed. I can hear you smile at the end of that. That's your fault? So he's going to be taking notes. And well, of course, this doesn't have to be your final answer as of now, but it's something to think about. It does seem like a more diplomatic mission would be something that you'd be interested in, which I don't want to stress you out, but that is something the city could desperately, desperately need.

There's one more thing, but it's kind of frivolous and silly compared to all of the other problems our city has. But I'm going to just kind of spit it out, and you guys can take it or leave it. We've tried a couple of different things to sort of get people's minds off of their day-to-day troubles. And repurposing the arena for something other than carnage and bloodshed has been one of them. We don't want to pit people against other people. That's not to the death, anyway. We've come up with a couple of different ideas, some sort of tests of strength or some sort of declaration of athleticism, something like that, just to kind of distract people, get them to focus on something else, maybe even some sort of monster slaying type of thing.

We've tried that before, and it's actually worked quite well. People seem to have enjoyed it. The problem is we need to capture these things alive, which takes effort. But we thought that perhaps you have a bit of experience with the monster thing, so maybe capturing a few things alive and then bringing them back to the city, or sending word back and keeping the beast there, and we could bring it back once it's been apprehended. But again, that is just a thought. Diplomatic mission is also good. All of these things will help out the city in leaps and bounds, I'm sure.

But if you like, we can come back to this when you've made a decision, had a chance to discuss things. Is that fine? Sora's face is going to harden when he started talking about capturing monsters and stuff. And Sora's going to look at peepos. Peepos, yes. Peepos? I was like, pee-pee, peepole. Peepos. OK. Mario van Peepos. I don't know who that is. That's like a play on words or something. I don't know. Anyway. Oh, god. It's an actor. It's OK. He's not a famous actor. No, he's not. Yeah, we're just-- I saw Shaft the movie. Shaft? Yeah, the one with Samuel L. Jackson from 2000, the awful one.

You mean when I was three years old? Oh, god. I hate you. Just speak. I know. Continue reminding me that I have t-shirts older than you, Valerie. I know, Val. Death is coming. I know. Just-- Gosh. Sora's going to look at Peepos and say, so you want us to go out and find creatures that are just living their lives and bring them back here so others can kill them for fun? OK. When you put it like that, it sounds monstrous. But we're talking about beasts that would harm people, travelers on the road, things like that, just attack without reason. We're not talking about boars or even bears, things like that.

We're talking about things that just do not belong in the ecosystem near cities. And these things would be hunted anyway. It's just instead of just simply for sport, it would be for show. Which is somehow better if we use them for entertainment. Again, this is just a suggestion. It doesn't have to be anything that you're involved with. It's honestly one of the only things that we have found that has unified the city in any way, shape, or form. And it's been-- Bloodsport. Killing things. Let's move on. Watching other people get killed by those things, possibly.

Hopefully not. That's not our goal. I want to make very clear that we're very much rooting for people. How were those people chosen? Oh, well, they volunteer. Volunteer. This is not like the recent tournament of champions. This is a complete volunteer. People elect to be there. And you can tell he's getting flustered now, like he's kind of on the defensive a bit. But don't you think that it's awfully similar to a past that maybe wasn't that great in the city? Well, traditionally, it was used as some form of punishment. And the odds were so severely stacked against the person or people going into the fight that it was essentially an execution.

That is not what we are trying to do here. And I want to make that absolutely clear. I understand. Want to make it a more entertaining execution for something. I assume that the creatures are going to die, if not the people. Irena's been super stiff through this entire conversation. And her face is all-- she's like pursed her lips and stuff. You do realize that no matter what you do in this arena that you're talking about, it's still murder, basically, whether it be humans or animals or monsters. Because not everyone's going to be able to defeat some of these monsters that we could potentially bring back and we're not bringing back.

Because we're not doing that. Even if they volunteer, it's still murder if you throw people in there with monsters like that. Not to mention, it's one thing to hunt things that are trying to kill you. It's another thing to do it for people's entertainment so they can enjoy the gore of it. He's going to be ferociously taking this ink and quill here and just scribbling that idea out. I completely understand. And I apologize if the idea seems archaic or barbaric to you. I truly do. We're simply trying to find different ideas that would work in the new city.

Do you have another suggestion, perhaps something we could use that space for that would be more inclusive without being as deadly? Couldn't you just hold competitions like archery tournaments or things like that? And he's going to go back to jotting things down. That could work. Do you think that would draw a crowd? Of course. People like competitions. All right. Well, we could definitely see. I don't see the harm in it. And it's kind of the same idea, the sport aspect anyway. Unless you don't think people-- yeah, unless you don't think people would watch, unless there's bloodshed.

Again, some of these-- Oh, oh, oh, oh. What if some at the end, you had the arrows on fire, and people are like pew, pew, pew, pew, blowing stuff up at the other end, but not so big that it hurts people. Nice. And he's jotting all of these suggestions down. Pew, pew. Pew, pew. Please tell me he just wrote pew, pew down. Yes. Oh, no. Yes. The whole pitch. That's very important. He needs to write things down. Just the entire thing, it's like, all right. We can definitely try these things. Perhaps some sort of monetary compensation for a winner at the end. Yeah. We could definitely do that.

Perhaps repurposing the old tournament of champions without all the death. Might I suggest some guidelines? Please. If you are looking to get people to be more accepting of other races, maybe each group, if they're going to come in as a group, would be required to be more than one race. That way you don't have people rooting for the humans. That is a good idea. Huh. I did not think of that. And can I tell you a short story? Last year-- and I've lived in this city since I was born and I passed for a very short human-- I organized the annual pancake jamboree down the street.

A what? [LAUGHTER] Oh, I don't mean to toot my own horn, monumental. Blew the roof off the place. But I was not invited back this year, which was a complete oversight by the committee that runs the pancake jamboree. But I must say that if I were to have come out as non-human, I don't believe I ever would have gotten the position in the first place. So I like the idea of inclusiveness. Jotting this down the entire time. I love pancakes. You know, in addition to your sporting events, maybe you could encourage some of the merchants from the other races to bring some of their wares to sell, like a bazaar?

Showcase a wide variety of what the city has to offer. We could get visitors to come in from the outside for the first time in years. Yeah. You could have things where people, like, throw weights or rocks around instead of just shooting things with arrows to make it like if somebody doesn't shoot the arrows. Right. Perhaps some sort of horse display or sparring. Not to the death. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Food. There should be food. And different kinds of food from different races. Well, probably also humans too, right? Because we don't want to be like-- Yeah. Maybe instead of the annual pancake gala, you could organize some pancakes for your sporting event.

I love that idea. Again, jotting this down furiously. Excuse me. I've never had a pancake before. What is that? Is that-- I take it as some sort of food. Are you kidding? No. He apparently doesn't get out a whole lot. Oh. It is a delicious breakfast delight. I could maybe make you a short stack sometime. Could you make me pancakes sometime? I just offered that, yes. What are you doing now? I'm-- he's going to point down the notes. I'm organizing this right now, but perhaps tomorrow. Perhaps tomorrow. I look forward to your pancakes. Why did you say it like that? Like what?

Mr. Quentin. People-- He posts Quentin. I just imagine we're just kind of like looking at each other like quizzically. Yeah, like he's literally just like-- Yeah, it's great to try it, you know, kind of smooth and draw attention away. Maybe you'd do us the honor of making us all the pancake breakfast tomorrow. I-- yeah, of course. I've actually been assigned to your group as a facilitator. Queen Brios can't exactly leave the castle too often with tensions so high right now. But she has actually had me do one more thing for you. Is everyone done eating by any chance?

Probably at this point. Yeah, I would assume so. Yeah. Could everyone come with me? I have something to show you. It's quite exciting. But it's not the pancake. It is not the pancake. OK. Not till tomorrow. Gotcha. Oh, oh, Zoya, Zoya. Yeah. Did you bring honey? I did. I still have some with my pack. I can put the honey on the pancake. If Mr. People will allow-- [laughter] I cannot remember anything but people. Oh, no. Did you call him that? Who said that first? I probably did. Yeah, that was you? Yeah, he would-- the first time I think he'd be nice. And then the second time, it's like, Quentin's fine.

It's fine. Mr. Quentin, thank you. No, no. This is all my pleasure, absolutely. So he is going to escort you out of this place after taking care of your Bill. Oh, I love him. He's kind of darling, isn't he? He is too good for our group. No, he's not. We're darling, too. We're adorable guys. We're cute, damn it. And he is going to-- I would like one of you, and you can elect two, to roll a flat D20 for me. Jane. Damn. Wow, that was so quick. I'm calling you out. I mean, OK. I'm all right. I'm just being a dick. I'm sorry. You can do it. I'll do it, yeah, sure. You can blame me.

I blame both of you. I blame Lisa. That's a five, everybody out there at home. That's a five. Damn it. I'm going to miss her. A rubbed in valve, that's cool. Could have been a 16. No, next time, be quicker on the draw. Let's put that in our pocket for a little bit. Let's just put that in our pocket. Everyone relax. I killed people. Oh, no, he gets stepped on. I'm not going to make it to my pancake. Jokes on a pancake. Oh, no. Poison flower. Oh, God. Somebody hits him with the pan he's using to make the pancake. His pancakes explode. I heard not the right word. Panties.

You heard panties. That's what you heard. Yes. Panty cakes jam. He is going to escort you down the street here and into not-- OK, not the best part of town, but it's not like Brightport or something like that. It's more-- it's slightly more-- let's call them human rights activists. Yikes. That territory. Let's call them meninists. And he's going to lead you to a house that-- let's call it a fixer upper. There is some extensive damage. The front door is sort of hanging off on one hinge. And just there's a little hole caved in the top of it. The rest of the house, there is some burn damage on the outside.

There is-- the windows have been just busted out. And there is a portion of the back end that's crumbled and stuff. This is-- there is need of repair. And he is going to get to the front door and sort of turn around to the group. Ta-da. Ta-da. It's got a lot of potential. It's very charming. I am glad you think so. This has been requisitioned as your new home. Oh. Oh. So I was going to have like one of those like kind of not fake exactly, but awkward smiles. Like, oh, yay, you gave me a present and I hate it. But I'm not going to tell you. Evelyn's going to say, I don't understand what you mean.

Well, was it home that threw you or-- I live in the castle. Oh, OK. Well, the housing situation in the castle was always going to be temporary. As we mentioned, there's a tightened security. And having your team come and go constantly could open the door for other people slipping in. It's just-- it's a security nightmare, I've been told. So we-- the queen wanted to requisition some housing that isn't being used. But there will be a repair crew to come by in about two weeks. They're getting to this place. And you will, of course, be on retainer with the city.

So you will be paid for your services no matter what you decide to do. Will we have an account for furniture? We can take care of furniture. Basically, you can decorate the house as you see fit. This is yours. OK, what I want to do is paint a picture here. This is like a big two-story place. Like, there is-- there's a lot of room. Like, it looks to be a good, like, four or five bedrooms, something like that. Like, it's a big place. It's just in disrepair. Like, on the scale of, like, fixer-upper, like-- Are we talking, like, a, you know, looted Detroit former house, or-- We're talking-- we're talking nearly condemned.

It's not-- here's the thing. There's your five, by the way. Yeah, I fucking knew it. I'm sorry. OK, but theoretically, where would a 16 have gotten us? No, no, I don't want to feel worried. Yes, we don't want to know. We couldn't have just gotten attacked with that vibe. Because the roof, like-- I would rather be attacked by these human rights activists. Is the roof, like, complete? There aren't holes or anything, are there? No, no, no, no. Like, this-- OK, look, it's a little drafty, and, like, there is definite-- like, there is definite-- there's, like, big, like, sheets and stuff covering holes and stuff like that.

It's for privacy? Like, it needs work. I'm not going to lie to you and say that it doesn't need work, but it's not-- it's not as bad as, like, sleeping under the stars. And there-- It'll be fine. Yeah, you guys will-- you guys will fix this right off. It's an at least good foundation. There's basically nothing you can-- It has good bones. Yes, there you go. OK, there-- OK, for reference sake, a 16 would have gotten you, obviously, a fully functional house and stuff. Like, you make-- it's like, I don't like to paint in the kitchen. Like, that type of thing.

Like, you go in, there's, like, little minor things. A 5 gets you, like, purple drapes, red carpet, yellow furniture. This is burned. Pile of neck, mouse in the corner. Yeah, like, yes. Like, there are a few rats. So it gets you my house here in love. [LAUGHTER] No, I'm kidding. But I do have purple drapes. What's up? It's like, why is there carpet in the kitchen? That type of thing. Like, just weird stuff. Ew, that is so not OK. It's weird stuff. There's also carpet in the bathroom. It's really weird. Like, it-- No, you can't do that. There isn't carpeting in the kitchen, is there?

Yes. Oh, that is fucked up. Oh, I'm saying it's a fixer-upper. There's some things that need to be done. Let's flip this out. Yay. So I was going to ask, what happened to the people that were previously living in here? They aren't still living in here, are they? No, no. You will not have any roommates beyond your team. But during the siege-- that's not the right term. We don't want to use the word siege-- during the repurposing of certain things in the city, like our front gate and houses, certain individuals did end up leaving. They didn't like the direction the leadership was taking here.

And as a result, we have places like this that aren't exactly fit to move into for regular people, but you able-bodied crew of rough and tumble adventurers would do well, we figured, in a place like this. It's much more cozy than what you're used to on the road. And you can do whatever you see fit with it. This is your space. No taxes, no down payment, nothing like that. It is just yours. So I was just going to look at the group, and it'll be fine. It'll be cozy. We'll be fine. Yes, I like the sound of this. Actually. Hey, it's better than a cave where there's fog and werewolves and stuff running around.

Or sleeping on the road. Only one person gets that reference. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Sora laughs. She's like, yeah. Everyone else is dead. Everybody else is dead. I mean, yeah, I guess. It's a really weird thing to say. Yeah, sure. Yeah. It's an odd list of words stringed together. It's a little random. Hey, it's not an attic. Will you be coming here to make pancakes tomorrow then? I think I could make the stove. I could build a fire in the stove. Sure. I could absolutely do that. And it'll be a nice little welcome to the neighborhood party. And as a bonus, we can discuss whatever your course of action is.

And we can get you facilitated and the paperwork filled out and all of that. So I will leave you to your new abode for the evening. If there's nothing else, you can discuss your options. And we'll plan an attack. And I will mark it on the calendar. Right. OK. OK. What are we attacking again? I forget. I think we're attacking whatever we decide to do. Like-- Not a real-- Yeah, just like get out and do that thing. Oh. I mean, it's kind of just like so confused about what's happening. Yeah, all of a sudden we're thrust into a house and we don't have the stuff. We're so unprepared for home ownership.

Are we supposed to stay here tonight? What about our things that are at the castle? Oh, they'll be-- we will place your things in your new home tonight. No problem. We'll go get those things right away and have them delivered. OK. Jeez, it feels like your mom just kicked you out of the house. Like with a little bindle and a can of soup or something. If there's nothing else for the evening, I will leave you to it and you can discuss your options. I don't want to pressure you by standing here and waiting. Thank you. You are welcome. Nice to meet you, Seth. Well-- And to you.

Pleasure. We'll let you know when we make a decision. Pancakes in the morning. Pancakes. Don't forget. That was very intimidating. He's smiling, by the way. He's smiling. OK. That just sounded vaguely threatening. Could you do a different roll and intimidate check? You want one? Yes. But is he really? Right. I want to see how that's interpreted. [LAUGHTER] God, I'm so sorry. [LAUGHTER] I won't. I promise. Bright and early. Bright and early. And he's going to be backing up as he's saying it. And then when he feels like he's a healthy distance away, he is going to turn and sort of skip down the street here.

Poor Mr. People. Mother shy fellow. Would you guys like to take a tour of your new home? Yes. Yeah. Do we have to run dungeoneering on it or anything? [LAUGHTER] Just don't get me to run the dungeoneering check. I'm so sorry. But I love it. I love it at the same time. I have less 12. I could totally do dungeoneering. I mean, if you are legitimately worried about traps, go ahead, please. It's entirely a possibility just to be on the safe side. OK. Just in case. OK. [LAUGHTER] It's totally cool. Fine. Ignore that giant hole in the floor. Which one? What else looks better on the inside to you?

So while she's just taking a quick glance in there, you had mentioned that there's not so savory people outside. Are they just hanging around watching us? What are they doing? OK. You ever-- Are we in a bad neighborhood? You're not? OK, you're in a bad neighborhood for you. It's for you. Like, OK, you're racist-ass white people, something like that, and it's like, ugh, that new element moved into the-- that kind of thing. That's what's going on. Wait, wait, wait. Their flags hanging on their windows, isn't it? Yeah. Is that what people call other people? Elements?

That's one of the things. That's the friendly version of-- I've never heard that. I was going to say, Gal, that's diplomatic. Yeah. That's when you're in mixed company, and you don't-- Oh, we have a new flavor of person. Yeah, so like the-- That's what you should be subtle about it. Like the Carter run of Overwatch flag is hanging in their window, that type of person. Like the-- because it's about the history. Go with it. [LAUGHTER] Ew. [LAUGHTER] All right, now we're all collectively grossed out. Yeah, that's-- Does Harriet have a clan? [LAUGHTER] We'll deal with that if we come to it.

Are there like, dudes running around in like a green hood or something? No, they're just stealing people and-- We'll deal with it when we come to it. When? When? Tonight. No, I-- Episode 200. No, I was saying, you didn't say if. It was when. When? Oh, yeah. When we come to it. We'll see. We'll see. So taking a tour of this place, everyone do me a favor, give me a perception check. Yeah. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I'm so disgusted with this place. [LAUGHTER] All right, OK. Going-- I would imagine this is one of those things where like you walk in and you're just kind of very gingerly walking through, taking the tour, just like, oh.

Like, how many of you would be trying to see the positive-- Me. OK. So-- Zaya would. She would totally be looking on the bright side, like, oh, yeah, we can fix this up. It'll be charming and wonderful. It's cool. OK, and how many of you would be like, this is a fucking rat's nest and I don't want to be here? I think Irina would be looking at more like defensible. OK. Not that like she's expecting an army to break down the door or anything, but just like-- But she's seen the clam outside? --secure. Yeah, is this place secure? OK. Yeah. Evelyn's naturally homeless, so this is a big step up. [LAUGHTER] What about Efni?

Efni would probably be doing both. She'd probably see all the bad stuff, but she'd probably be imagining what they could do with it at the same time. OK, so-- I'm going to circle the date. So walking through kind of room by room, getting a vibe for this place, like, you walk through the front door and it's kind of just hanging there, like I said. Like, a lot of the windows are just busted out and personal possessions seem to have been maybe grabbed in a hurry or tossed aside, that type of thing. Like, you walk in and immediately you're walking on-- you're just kind of like walking on shelving and things like that.

You're kind of-- it's really awkward walking through because it looks like maybe at one point the door was barricaded or something like that. There is furniture, but it's not great furniture. And you're going to-- right off the bat, Sora, Efni, Evelyn, all of you are going to hear squeaks, like little squeaks. Oh, no. Oh, no. And Evelyn and Sora are just out of the corner of their eye going to see something along the baseboard of the floor, like, streak by. Looks like dinner. Oh, god. [LAUGHTER] OK, can I say that it's not-- I may have just died. I'm dead.

OK. It's not that-- OK, it's not the, oh, I'm going to catch that thing and eat it. It's you just ate. That's the thing that bothers me the most, and I don't know what that says about me. Bitch, we took you to a nice buffet. Fixer upper. Yeah, definitely fixer upper. In the back, there's like an archway that sort of leads to like a dining room situation. This would be like the living room when you walk in, and there's like a dining room situation. The kitchen appears to be in the back somewhere. This place, if you're putting a timestamp on it, this place has probably been abandoned for weeks, looted maybe a couple of times.

This place definitely has an infestation of something. You haven't really got a good look of what it is yet, but something. There is a room. There is a door that looks like it leads into a basement type area, and then there is a second floor. The stairs are kind of missing a few-- like, definitely spaces where it looks like someone's foot maybe went through or something like that. The banister leading upward, that's been torn off. So about halfway up the stairs, it's just stairs with holes, and then nothing to protect you from falling off. A lot of the portraits and things on the walls have been knocked over or hanging weirdly.

Curtains torn down, things like that. Everything's an ugly color, too. It's just not-- whoever decorated this place had no sense of what colors go with what. Good materials to use for curtains, because it's kind of like a shower curtain material hanging up for curtains. It's really weird. It's kind of like a leathery-- like a stain resistant-- like, you could just hose them off. That's the kind of thing. That's useful. Yeah. It also doesn't appear as though dusting was a high priority, because lots of stuff covered in dust. There's some old books and things like that.

So it's getting all nighttime. Is this like, hey, let's maybe light a lantern and kind of hang out in the same room so we could watch each other's backs? Or is it you guys want to pick out bedrooms? Because there's bedrooms to pick out. Where are they? Are they all upstairs? They are all upstairs. There are four-- So you would totally go looking to see the bedroom situation, just to see if there are beds. OK. Canonically, I'm going to-- here we go. I'm going to break this down really quickly. I'm ready. Can I make a floor plan? [LAUGHTER] OK, so Valerie is going to design and decorate our house.

Sora's ready. If you want to do that on the group page, go right ahead. For now, what I'm going to tell you is there are four separate bedrooms, two of which are much larger, almost like two master bedroom type of things. They're much larger, the other two being a little bit on the smaller side. All of them have something wrong with them. Like one of the bigger master bedrooms has a smell to it. And if you were to guess, someone recently has been using this as a bathroom. Oh, no. You guys smell that perfume? So Aveline's hanging out in there. Got it. He takes the pee room.

Does Efenny bunk with Aveline? I would use that. If she wants, she can bunk with me. Thank you. I don't want that smell. In the second largest bedroom, if anyone were to do a perception check for more than a couple of seconds and just stand there and listen, you're going to hear skittering in the walls. It's very distinct. Like there is something like-- [SLURPING] --shoulder. Yeah. I would think that probably wouldn't bother Zoya too much with the whole farm thing. OK. And in small bedroom number one, it's going to be just coated in spider webs. Coded. Like-- Help.

Like, coated. To the point where you're pretty sure that there's some large nest of spiders in there. No! Shh. Oh, my god. You can't say those things, Jason. You know how I feel about spiders. I feel like you did it on purpose just for you. Is there a broom? Well, here's the thing. It's not just the spider webs. It's the holes in the walls that make you think that they're in the walls. Like, maybe tons of spiders in the walls. Oh. No. Yeah. I'm not going to go to sleep tonight. [LAUGHTER] Ew. Yeah. And then smaller bedroom number two, there is a wild dog. [LAUGHTER] Nature check.

Let's see if we can tame the wild dog. Let's see. Who would like to take a crack at this small-- I have a plus 11. OK. Yeah, I would-- I have a plus 10. Here's what we're going to do. Someone do me a favor. Roll a flat D20 for dog. Nope. I want to. I will. Oh, go ahead. Go ahead. First one. Oh! OK, so you got it. I'm happy with that. OK. So this is actually-- this is a fairly larger dog. Like, this is not super big or anything like that. But it looks like it's been fairly well fed. Like, as of recently, on edge, on edge when you walk in, but not like missing patches of fur, like clearly like rabid or something.

This is-- like, someone took care of this dog for a while and then just didn't anymore. So curled up in the room when you walk in, just-- [GROANING] --just like, oh, shit, I didn't know there was something living in this house beyond the insects and rats and such. Would someone like to try? He's been using the restroom as a latrine. Could be. That's his body room. That would actually be the pee spell. Could be. Oh, it's not just pee. If someone would like to do me a favor, does anyone want to try nature check the dog? Me, me, me, me, me. Can we both? Someone can assist.

How about Valerie can roll since she has the higher one and I'll assist. OK, do me a favor. Roll an assist roll. Is that just the same regular old thing? Are you trained in nature? Mm-hmm. Are you trained in nature? Not trained. No. So just a flat D20. OK. And on the 10 or higher, you will be assisted. Well, son of a bitch, now I can't even roll a D20. Blam. You are assisting, so that's a plus 2, Val. Whatever you roll. I'm going to be like, hey, hey, buddy. I probably got some jerky on me. I was going to say, I have honey. Oh, wow. Plus 2 or something, right? That's a 31.

Yeah. 31, motherfuckers. That dog fucking loves us. I would imagine that this dog is just happy to see people. And you don't look aggressive. I would imagine it's kind of like get on one knee type of thing. It's like, oh, hey, buddy, like that type of thing. This dog is going to bound. Would you ever have to get on one knee? We're really short. That's true. This dog could stand up and put-- like do that thing where it puts its paws, its front paws on your shoulders and stands up and just licks the shit out of Sora's face. And just very happy, big tail wagon.

It's got the kind of tail that it's basically like a doggy mace and can knock things off of coffee tables and things. Yes. It's a great game. I love you. Please tell me it's like the biggest dog. I want like an Irish wolf pound of a dog. It's a big dog. It's one of those bear dogs like the gnome guy rode around. Could you name it Heinrich? Can I ride on it? Oh, yeah. Oh, Effiny could definitely ride on this dog. I don't know about the halflings in the party, but the gnome could definitely ride on this dog. Yes. Guys, I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening.

OK. Oh, no. We finally got our dog. Like for serious, though, could we name him Heinrich? Sure. You guys, you can name it, whatever. The next time we sit down, I wanted to give you guys some time to really think about your path and what you'd like to do and what you feel passionate about. If you guys want to discuss that on the group page or whatever, go right ahead. And the next time we sit down, we're going to have a little pancake breakfast. And we're going to discuss the next step. Cool. Yay. Nice. Yay. So you guys have a home and a permanent place in the city.

It's not a great home, but it's a home. And you can work on it. It's a dog. We can fix it up. It has dog and PC. Free dog and all that free food. Sora's so ready. She is going to make this place look so fucking good. You'll have no clue that it has like bird marks on the outside. Zoya's going to totally want to put in some beehives. I'm just saying. If we have a home, beehives. Is that to feed the spiders? In like the backyard. I forgot to ask you to describe the basement. Oh, we'll get to it. There's a basement? Oh, there's a basement. There's always a-- And I don't know how many bathrooms there are.

How am I supposed to draw out a floor plan when it's only the master bedroom? Well, if there's four bedrooms, there's probably two baths. Yeah, at least a bath and a half. Like one bathroom upstairs and one down. Well, that's-- well, if you're counting the master bedroom, then-- So that's an en suite? Then there's two whole bathrooms. That one's an en suite. So that's a three bath. It's its own suite. Now, you said that there was like two master types. So do both of them have en suites or just one of them? No, I'm pretty sure that there is. We were talking about the poop in the bedroom. [LAUGHTER] Are we still using like a cistern?

Wait, so there's no bathroom? No. It's not an outhouse, Mallory. Probably an outhouse, honestly. And there's like a shower situation, but it's very much like, oh, you heat up your own water. And then whatever you have for heated water, that's your-- unless you have a magic user in the house who could do it like on the spot. There's carpet in our outhouse. Wow. There's carpet? At least one thing sets stuff on fire. Showers are overrated anyway, you know? So come on. I prefer a natural musk. Yeah. You guys realize like old houses that were built just like didn't have bathrooms.

Yes. Like bathrooms. It was just rooms. Yep. Yeah. That's so crazy. Those are like closets. Well, think about cooking. It would be a wood stove probably that you heat up, and then like that's-- A fireplace. Yeah, or a fireplace, and that's how you cook. Yeah, it's kind of just like your fireplace. Yeah. Wow. Fancy places have like a big kettle stove type thing or something like that. That's pretty much what you're rocking. It's something you really don't stop to think about all that often, but yeah. I imagine magic users are very popular for that. Like you'd kind of feel used after a while.

It's like, hey, Stacy, could you heat up this kettle really quickly with your fire hands? Well, it'd be really easy to turn a profit that way, you know? Two gold per heat. Two gold. Do that every day. You'd be pretty rich after a while. That's true. Did you guys have fun? Yes. Oh, that was great. Guys, thank you so much for listening to today's episode. We really hope you enjoyed it. I don't know what Group 4 is going to do or what they decide to pursue, but I can't wait to find out. In the meantime, if you'd like to support us, you can go to patreon.com/dandr, and you can get a plethora of content for just $1.

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