Old Flame

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you're only going to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job. I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. After finding a friggin' sweet risk chronobulator for Museum Replicas Limited that is currently available for $20, Dr. Brianna Marie vanished. She awoke to find herself trapped in another time and space, driven by an unknown force to change worlds for the better.

Her only guide on this journey is Jason, an observer from her own time who also showed up for some reason that only Brianna can see and hear. And so she finds herself leaping from world to world, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that her next leap will be the leap home. [LASER SOUNDS] Jason, what the fuck? Well, it looks like this time we're in a weird Viking universe where everyone is a Swedish chef-sounding character and it's just-- Ah! He's at our new warrior, I see. Gosh, you are dressed strangely, aren't you? Well, pay no mind.

Pick up a sword and let's get to it. OK, Vikings with swords. Got it. So? So what? Pick up a sword and go. Which sword? Any sword. I mean, is the sword from a particular company or-- I don't know what you're getting at, warrior. But we're going to die if you don't. Have you heard of Museum Replicas Limited? Well, yes, they make all our battle-ready equipment. But this is hardly the time for-- Oh, I recognize this one. It's the Swantaka Viking sword. It was originally found in a woman's grave in Finland, dated from 1100 AD. However, the sword form suggests that it's from a much earlier date of origin, possibly from the mid-10th century AD.

Are you serious? Is she serious? The Museum Replicas version features a highly detailed knotwork pommel, guard, grip band, and inserts. All have been lavishly plated in rich copper. We are going to die. You realize that, right? We're in the middle of a battle. The tough 1080 high carbon steel blade has a full tang and is fully tempered, and then peened over the pommel. The sword comes complete with a rich leather scabbard. Seriously? And matching copper fittings and sports a Baldrick for wearing this powerful piece. I cannot believe this right now. All in all, it's spectacular.

OK. You're done. Yeah. Then fight, little warrior. Gaze upon thy destiny. With this sword, I will cleave your lying maggot mouth from your swine head. That was a bit much, but-- oh, also, heave is on our side. Oh, boy. Well, we should go. Yeah, wait. I'm also going to take this Viking trinkets box, too, from the home decor section of the website. Did you just steal from that corpse? Beam me up, Scotty. Use the code "VERYATEN" to get 10% off your order at checkout at museumreplicas.com. Let's get ready and do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves.

I'm Jason. I'm the Dutch domestic coach. Table start with Izzy! Oh, my fucking god. I'm Izzy. I play Una, the half-elf paladin. See, that's the excitement I want to hear. Jasper. Hey, this is Jasper. I play Merrick, Elphirid, human cleric. Woo! Oh, my god. And Mac. Hi, I'm Mac, and I play Kalina of all Garris, the Wild and Show Me. Woo! And Bree. Hi, I'm Bree, and I play Santos, the Gistlerai Sion. Yeah! Hi, guys. Ordon King Shield here, played by Eric, Dwarven Knight. Oh, you are so dead. Oh, you know what? That's very Eric. I like it. I love it. For the part where we were all excited, did everyone else picture us as Power Rangers?

Yes. I did. I did like a punch in the air and everything. I was like, yeah. OK, but which Power Ranger are we? Come on, guys. I was pink. I want to be yellow. I'll take green. All right, cool. They're a black Power Ranger? Yes. Is there a brown one? Both figured it out in the end, literally. There's a beige Ranger. Is there a corduroy? Is there a brown corduroy? Because I want to be the brown one. There's a Paisley Ranger. I'd take this more seriously. If Zod were a Power Ranger, he'd be brown corduroy. There is nothing more serious than a brown corduroy any time. He's the one who does the Power Rangers taxes. [LAUGHTER] Jason, you didn't pick a color.

Yeah. I'm taupe. Oh, can I be elbow patch Power Ranger? [LAUGHTER] I pictured it all brown corduroy and elbow patch. I pictured elbow and knee patches because it's a full suit. Good. Good. Good. By the way, Jason, you've been the red Power Ranger because the red Power Ranger is the leader. Also, your Skype icon has a red shirt. Also, what's taupe? Taupe is a-- just get cultured. Jesus. Yeah, Eric. It's like a reddish purple, right? Well, I'm a guy. There aren't that many colors. You calling me not a guy, Eric? Oh. Wow. Oh. Guys, last time on the show, you got rained out.

There was a nasty storm, and you eventually decided to just kind of stop in Aldmoor for the night. And you had some heavy discussions. You kind of got some things off your chest. I don't know if you came to any conclusions or anything, but I think everyone pretty much knows where everyone else stands in terms of the seal and gods and what you guys want. And again, that may change in the course of the next several episodes. Who knows? But for now, I think you all pretty much know where each other is coming from and reach some sort of understanding for now.

And it was pretty much decided, it's like, OK, we're going to table this for just a bit. And let's just stop the demons from pouring into the world, but we'll cross the other bridge when we get to it. Then you guys picked up, and you're setting off for Uminero again. And you're traveling north. And I asked you guys the last time we sat down to roll for me. And Izzy rolled a lovely, lovely 2. It was a 20, but whatever. It was a 20, yeah. Again, my crippling, debilitating illness of only seeing lower numbers. You guys are going to be traveling north. And you're going to be a few hours into your trek.

So again, it's muddy and nasty. The roads are not very welcoming this morning. And I imagine it's kind of an overcast day. Every once in a while, the sun will come out, but mostly just kind of cloudy, a little miserable, soggy. You hear that sloshing sound as the wagon dips into mud puddles and things. And a couple of things are going to happen. Let's start with number one. During your journey, the wagon is going to dig into a particularly nasty mud puddle. And you're going to slam into a rock and just sort of just hit it at an awkward angle. And one of your wheels is just going to snap, just snap off.

I thought we were playing D&D, not Oregon Trail, Jason. Yeah, really. Do we also get dysentery? Is that the number two? Everyone goes for dysentery. Number two, dysentery? Because you poop yourself in the tub? I always think of getting killed by bears. Actually, hold on to that thought, is-- I always think of dysentery. What? Come on. Hold on to that thought. Oh, no, not. Hold on to that thought. Because the jostling in this cart as a result of that is going to-- well, we knew this was coming as a result of Kaluna's illness. Thought it was supposed to be like two weeks.

Well, it's just kind of-- just the bumpy wagon ride and then just the kachunk. And you're going to hear that snap, that nasty wood snapping sound. And the cart is going to-- That's Kaluna's intestine. [LAUGHTER] You're going to-- the cart's going to dip forward. And it's like, oh, no, wait, wait, wait. And I would imagine that you guys are either going to pull over to the side of the road here or just try to assess the damage. And in the midst of that, Kaluna is going to not-- not feel so great. There is going to be a desperation overcoming them. Kaluna's going to have to find a bush or something.

Does she have an-- or they have an asshole? Like-- Well, if they eat, it's got to come out somewhere. What's the digestive system? Do you think they just eat and then just barf it up? Because that would be worse. Kaluna has a crippling eating disorder. It's-- actually, we should really talk about this. There should be an intervention. Wait, what about the plants that eat flies? That doesn't poop. But that's obviously not-- like, Kaluna breathes and-- No plant poops. But everybody poops. Guys-- I'm getting a message on these. Oh, my god. Most plants don't eat food.

But I'm saying Venus fly flaps do eat food, and they don't poop. That's true. But Kaluna is not a plant. Kaluna's not rooted to the ground. They're mostly-- they're mostly animals. Let's move on. Yes. Let's move on to the horrible, horrible thing. It's way too late to debate this. Like-- Yeah. We established there is an asshole. That's fine. Yes. Moving on. Actually, the focus of the day's session is going to be on Kaluna's butthole. Like, that's the-- we'll learn all kinds of things. And then there'll be a kid in the shot. They're like behind their-- Jason, he-- Or something weird like that.

Nothing but-- Jason, we already sent in the fanfiction. It's too late. Well, there's always next year. We've got to be thinking about the future here, Mac. OK, so what I imagine is happening in my-- as we slam into this mud hole thing, and there's this crack, I imagine that Merrick's going to immediately jump down to try to assess the damage. Is there anything beyond what you already said that he could perceive? Do me a favor. Roll a perception check. And I imagine while that's happening is when we start getting Kaluna stuff happening. Yeah. I'm-- yeah. I would imagine that's one of those things, like, you try to-- it's like when you get a flat tire or something like that, you just try to pull over to the side of the road and get out of the way of traffic, even though there's really no one else on the road but you right now.

I'm just looking to see, is this something repairable, or is this something, like, devastating? Well, here's the problem. This is repairable, but it's not easily repairable. This is going to be one of those things that's going to take hours. And depending on how many hours it takes, I would like you to roll a wisdom check just to see if maybe you've encountered something like this before. And it's like, oh, yeah, I've heard-- you know that general thing, like car repair, you just kind of pick up throughout your life? It's like, oh, yeah, I've had a dead battery before you do this.

This and that. Damn. I got a 28. So you got that dad wisdom of just like, oh, yeah, I know what to do. You just do this, this, and this. Essentially, in the world of theory, Merrick knows how to change a flat. That's basically what we're doing here. So I guess Merrick would be-- it's like, we don't need this. Dude, OK. I'm going to get started on this. Kaluna. Yeah. So I think we've all been in this situation like Kaluna's been in now, although yours is-- Much worse, I imagine. Much worse. It's a medical emergency, really, honestly. We've all had those poops. We've all had those medical emergency poops.

So honestly, this is one of those things where it's probably better that you've stopped, because otherwise-- yeah. So what would Kaluna's reaction be? I imagine that as soon as they know, oh, no, something is wrong, they would have-- I sort of, in my mind's eye, I see Kaluna and Merrick both hopping off the wagon at the same time, but going in opposite directions. Where Merrick goes to fix the wheel, and Kaluna's like, nope, into the woods. Could-- Not deep into the woods. Let me-- Right. --that. But just duck and cover. Duck and cover. Hide under your desk.

I just imagine diving into a-- Yeah, there's like bushes and stuff along the side of the road. Can you hear-- geez. OK. So there's a thing we've been doing recently where-- we know something bad is happening. We all know something bad is happening. But I want to roll a flat D10 to judge the severity. Just how bad is this thing? How bad? I want to know if you make it to the bushes, basically, is what I want to know. I mean, their hands are already ruined, so it's not that bad. Do me a favor and roll a flat D10, and you're-- OK. The higher the roll, the worse this is going to be.

Eric, let me chance you and chance this roll. I hope this is the D10. Oh! OK. So OK. Yes, this is bad. But this is not near-- OK, it's bad in that, like, OK, this is-- stop the presses, emergency. I need to go to this bush. Occupado, don't bother me. But this could have been a lot worse. This could have been your day, basically. So that's not the case. But yeah, you're in some discomfort. You're not doing too well. And there-- how to put this in a tasteful manner-- there may be things semi-moving. Oh! Oh! No. No. Yeah. Jason, can I make this worse? Can I make this worse?

I want to make it worse. Have you ever had a dog with tapeworms? Yep. Is it like that? It's-- yeah, OK. So a lot of the stuff coming out of you is waste and then dead. But there are some things that weren't quite-- they just kind of got swept up. And they weren't completely dead yet. And they are definitely moving. So it's just kind of the white, wriggling worm type thing, just kind of like-- Hi! --just waving hello. Is it like a worm worm? Or is it-- again, let's go back to the tapeworm, where it looks more like a snot blob that happens to move? These actually look like-- some of them are much longer.

They're worms. And some of them look-- a lot of it-- see, the lucky thing is they didn't reach full maturity, because these worms actually develop teeth, like full-blown teeth. They would have eaten their way out of you. Yeah, I believe we were informed of that a while ago, yeah. Right. The rest of the party would-- I'm guessing you're seeing Merrick. It's like, ugh, fuck. OK, you know what's going on. You know what the thing is. But I don't think Kaluna would announce what was going on. Oh, no. It's like, you're being poops. Like, just-- like, yeah. What would everyone's reaction be?

Well, I mean, Merrick's going to be kind of preoccupied. But I'm assuming if Kaluna runs somewhere, he'd pay attention. But if it seems stomach-related, I think he would just immediately, like, OK, here it comes. And worry, but not chase after, right? But just be, OK, this is the-- Just politely focus on something else. Right. Like, pretend it's not happening for a minute. Just give some privacy, at least emotionally. Hey, guys, let's all sing a song. Yeah. [HUMMING] Laughing. La la la la, la la la. I think Una would, like, go stand watch and, like, very intently look in, like, the opposite directions.

Really, like, I'm looking super hard for something, anything else. Please God, anything else. The cool thing is you guys are on a gorgeous stretch of road in that you hit the area where-- well, OK, some of the area is more gorgeous. Hey, Kaluna isn't a bad dog. They went behind a bush. Like, they didn't just stop at the sidewalk and let it go. You guys are close to the cliffs, like the cliffs overlooking the ocean. So, like, there's two things. There's one, that gorgeous view of the ocean, like, especially after it rains. There's something really beautiful about that.

And you can hear those waves kind of crash against the rocks below and all that, which takes some of the pressure off, you know, Kaluna to be quiet about the thing, because it's not-- I would imagine that's-- They wouldn't be anyway. They don't understand the social nicety. OK. Thank you. The only problem is the breeze coming in from, like, you guys would kind of be downwind. Like, that would be the only-- Oh, no. That would be the only problem. The rest of it is-- Wouldn't the breeze be coming off the ocean? That's how ocean breezes work. Yes, but that's like-- it's like blowing toward you guys, like that type of thing.

Like, it's-- mm-mm. Mm-mm. Merrick, focus is harder on fixing the wheel. Just stare harder into the distance. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Fixing the wheel. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, let's see how long this is going to take. I'd like to say Fantos is, like, standing behind Merrick. Like, I can't help but going to watch and see if any, like, can be of any use, but probably not. Much like if I had any problem in my car and you were fixing it, Jason. Right. Just like that. I don't know what any of this is, but I want to help. Yeah. Brie and Julie, I think, would be pretty much in the same boat, where it's like-- I think Julie would be the only other person who would be like, yeah, I read about this somewhere, like, not have any practical application of fixing something like that.

So I'm going to have you roll a couple of different checks here to see how long this is going to take. First, I need an athletics check. From whom? From you. You're the one fixing this. All right. I didn't know. All right, here we go. No, pal. 12. That's not terrible. That's not terrible. That's-- yeah. OK. This is going to take a little while, no matter what, honestly. I think this is a heal check issue, right? I mean-- A heal check. We're going to heal. Heal the wheel. Oh. Hashtag heal the wheel. That's the title of this episode. Heal the wheel. That sounds like a sermon, almost.

I don't know why. Heal the wheel. Yeah, right? Could I insight check the wheel? To find out its true intention? Are you really broken? Are you really? Diplomacy? No, it's not a diplomacy. Here's the thing. It's not a-- see, there's no crafting system before you. And we're going to be working on that. I'd say just not-- I don't know any of Merrick's scores. If I had to pick one of these to use for like changing a tire, fixing a wheel, I'd say streetwise. Yeah. I think that's the thing. It's the closest. I think that's the wisdom, right? In a way, it's his experience.

Right. Dungeoneering, it's kind of a trap. I mean, traps are moving parts, right? So wheels. Yeah, but dungeoneering is also for spotting things like that. I would say streetwise. Streetwise is like street smarts. Well, yeah. And mixing wheels, street smarts. So the athletics would be for the physical portion of it. And I would say streetwise just to see, like, yeah. Because that's-- yeah. So we'll do that. And it's already going to take a little bit of time because it's a physical thing that you're going to have to mend. And that's-- yeah. So go ahead and roll streetwise for me.

Doki. Bloop. 22. Gorgeous. Gorgeous. So yeah, that's-- this is going to take-- I would say this is going to cost you almost a day. What? Wait, it's going to cost us that long. I just rolled a 2 on a P4. Why don't we just take our horses and just go on foot? I'm going to argue for Jason here. We didn't lose a wheel. Our wheel snapped off. Right. Yeah, but if we ask Merrick, how long is it going to take, why don't we just leave the fucking wagon, take the horses, and keep moving? Well, you have two horses. It's not our wagon. It's not your wagon. You have two horses.

And fitting an entire party this size on two horses is pretty much awesome. No, no, no. I mean, you just put the weak people on horses and then walk. Yeah. I mean, we don't move much faster than walking in a wagon, right? No. Honestly? OK. No, no, I'm just thinking Merrick would probably-- he would do his assessment, right? He'd do this wisdom check, and he'd look at it, and he'd sort of put his hands on his hips and be like, this is going to take the better part of the day to fix. It can be fixed, but it's going to take a while. I feel like we're a few hours outside of Aldemar.

I can stay here maybe with a couple of people, so we can make sure this gets taken care of, and everybody else could head back to Aldemar. But honestly, we're not in a panic. Maybe we could just take some time to just rest up, and just heal up, and just hang out. I don't know, but this is going to take a while. Yeah, question, how far are we from Aldemar? You are, she said? Yeah. So you guys got started in the morning, and you traveled for about three or four hours. So you're three or four hours outside of Aldemar. But that's, again, from wagon. Go ahead.

Well, so question about speeds. How much faster do we go in a wagon than if we were walking with a couple of people who are slower on horses? I'd say it's about 50% to 65% faster. It's not as fast as if you were on a single horse, and just like, hi-yo, Silver, go. It's not that fast, but you walking compared to horses pulling you? Horses pulling you is faster. It's not the speediest wagon in the world. And yeah, the roads kind of suck, but it's still like, you know, and not to mention, it takes a huge strain off the party. And it's, well, I mean, the other big thing is it's not your wagon.

Like you could ditch it or like leave it, or, you know, like Merrick said, just he could stay behind or whatever. It's totally up to you guys. I just don't feel like we're in a panic to get to Uminyiro. I feel like if this were real life, right, I would probably say, you know, some of you should just probably head back to Aldemar and just like, let's just reset and start tomorrow morning. So I think that's what Merrick would be thinking, honestly, just like, ah, this is gonna suck. I'll have it done by like nightfall, but either go back to Aldemar and I'll just meet you there, or we could just camp here or something.

I don't know. It just doesn't feel like we need to run to Aldemar. And I don't wanna take this gift from Tessia and just like ditch it. Let's just camp here, wait till the wagon's fixed, take a rest, horses can rest, and then we'll keep moving at night. - That's a good idea. - I don't feel like we should be here for any longer than we have to be. - Completely agree. - I like that idea. - Yeah, let's just go through the night. I think that's it. We'll just make up for lost time. - All right. We could totally do that. - Yeah, night's safe. Night's usually pretty safe here.

- Take a vote, people. Turning back to the party, I guess. I mean, Kaluna might have to yell for her to hear. (all laughing) - Kaluna! (all laughing) - That's the other thing. - Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. - Kaluna's gonna be busy for a little while anyway. - Yeah. - Brie and Julie would be on board. Yeah, that seems like the smartest thing to do 'cause you could just sort of drive through the night. Yeah. - Everybody can sleep. Merrick will wake everybody up in the morning. We're here. We're here, grandmas. We're grandmas. (all laughing) Grandma Yero. (all laughing) - If you don't get up, you can't get your presents.

- Anybody say no? - Didn't sound like it. - All right, let's pick at the horses and just set up camp and stand guard. - All right, so throughout the day, Kaluna's gonna be doing their thing. And that being said, they're gonna be a bit drained. They're gonna be just not feeling so hot. The rest of you guys are gonna make camp and catch a nap or just sort of rest up and lay back while Merrick deals with this issue. Is Merrick the type to curse while fixing something? Like it did the thing. - Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So we're on full on dad mode, like full on.

Okay, cool. - He'll be like, "Oh, ham sandwich." - Oh God. - Reciphiescence. - Oh, Wednesday, oh. I don't know, it's red. - My favorite Adam's, I don't know. - I said that because Ana's mom who is Colombian and speaks Spanish, instead of saying mared, like French, like shit, she says miraclees. It's funny, 'cause I've heard her just be serious. - That's a cross between miracle whip and mayonnaise. - There you go. - That's what I was, I was forgetting the exact same thing. - Yes. - Miraclees sounds delicious. (laughing) - At some point, he is going to go check on Kaluna, but just sort of in a very like, "Hey, you okay?" Staying a little bit away, like, "You need, just let me know," kind of a thing.

- I imagine him doing it with his back to the area, arms crossed. - Oh yeah, yeah, yes. - I imagine the response is exactly the same as I said earlier, don't look at me, don't look, don't talk to me. - All he wants to know is that Kaluna's alive and dealing. - Right. - I said that wrong, I fucked up. But yeah, it was the intent, not the actual message. I know how to cover my ass. - That may be a good skill. Yeah, not, yeah. - Yeah, not currently. - Could you do me a favor and roll an endurance check? - Yes, I can, I'm actually weirdly good at this. - Okay. - I was in 19 for you.

- Good, that's good. So, pardon the expression, but you're gonna be white. Just a bit. - Oh. - Just a bit. - Goodnight everybody. (laughing) - It took me way too long to get that. - Oh Jesus, so that's, so you're, again, all of this could have been so much worse. It was kind of right time, right place, that you should thank your lucky stars. 'Cause this could have happened in the city. This could have happened, this just could have been bad, right? After several hours, it's gonna start to, the sun's gonna start to dip in the sky and Merrick is going to wrap up the repairs on the wagon and Kaluna's gonna wrap up their thing.

Now, does the party wanna do anything before getting back on the road? - Set that bush on fire? - That's the courtesy flush of there. - Burn down the floor. - Wouldn't that just kind of disperse everything? Like, you don't wanna burn it. - Yeah, no, it's better just leave it. Just let it go. - I imagine that when Kaluna was done, they did the dog kicking sand over it anyway. - Oh yes, absolutely. Just like, they did their best to cover it up. And then ran up and down the street back and forth. So my cat does. Merrick would do a very serious check of the entire wagon just to see if there's anything else that he might be able to bolster or, you know, just after that happens.

Yeah, just like, you know, tighten whatever tubes and wiring and change any fuses and that kind of thing. - Or your blinkers. - Yeah, just make sure. - How about now? - You don't wanna get pulled over. - No. - As long as we're here, there's never a bad time for an oil change, right guys? (all laughing) - Do me a favor, roll a perception check. Considering we already got, yeah, okay, so 23. There's gonna be a couple of different things. Like while you're, like basically it's like, well, while I got everything here, like there's a couple of things that needed a little tightening, little like, you know, so everything else seems to be in really good shape.

- It just looks like you really hit that rock at a bad angle. Like it just like wrong place, wrong time, like wrong conditions. Other than that, the wagon seems to be tip top. - I imagine he's like pulling whatever straps he can pull real tight. - Right. - Just making sure it's all cool, but just making sure we're in good shape. - Yeah, other than that, you guys are golden travel wise. You're good to go. - All right, let's do it. What's our next stopping point? Like where do we feel like we can get before we need to camp again? - Well, again, the sun is just starting to dip in the sky and you guys are, you guys are, it would probably be, oh God, a little past dawn, maybe almost noon with the roads the way they are before you get to Umineiro.

- Okay, so we'll be in Umineiro in less than a day. - Yeah. - Okay, well then we don't need to stop anywhere. I thought maybe we had like another camping moment. - Yeah, I mean, if it's one of those things you guys wanna take turns, like the road kind of gets crappy on a normal day just because it's sort of mountainous heading up towards Umineiro and then like with the rain and everything like that, it's not great. - No, let's push through and we'll get to Umineiro. I think at some point if it's still Kaluna, well, that's not good. At some point I think Merrick would, you know, I'm just thinking ahead, Merrick is going to have to get some sleep and he's gonna have to get somebody else to take over for driving.

(imitates baby noises) Anybody, does anybody wanna do it? Anybody at all? No, nobody? Yeah, nobody? Okay, Merrick will do it by himself. - I mean, Ordon's willing to step in. - Yeah, no, honestly, I think he'd probably just ask Ordon just to do it just because, whatever he can, I don't know why actually, that sounds good. It's a good idea. - 'Cause sexism? No, I'm... - I was actually thinking about how short he was on the agenda. - No, no, I'm kidding. - I was thinking about strength in horses and... - Strength in horses? - I don't know. - You literally have two horsepower.

- It definitely coincides. - This carriage has 200 horsepower. - So, back on the road, everyone filing in. Yeah, at a certain point, Merrick's gonna need to sleep. Otherwise there's gonna be penalties. It's just, yeah. And that's the beauty of a wagon. Now the horses have had some rest. They're ready to go again. They can go all night. - Kaluna's just gonna go limp in whatever seat is free. They don't care anymore. They're just, they're done for the day. - I do think, here's the thing. Let's get a little, first of all, let's get a little sunset on the table. That's really, yeah.

- They're also going to drink lots of water because that's what you do. - If Kaluna is sitting back, we'll take shotgun and just be looking out. - Good, good, good, good. Perfect. - I think Fantos would be sleeping on top of the wagon. Like she brought the sleeping bag up. (laughing) This is my room now. - That's where Kaluna wanted to be. - It's like when two sisters share a room. So the other one's like, I'm gonna go sleep in the closet. 'Cause that's where I live now. And they know they made a mistake, but they've already kind of doubled down on us. So they're doing.

- This is better up here. - Yeah. There's no leg room whatsoever, but it's cool. I like it this way. - Julia would sort of be sitting back, maybe eyes closed. Just like there's nothing to really do here. But I think, I think Bree after a while would ask. - Hello. - Bree would ask Kaluna, are you okay? - I think it would take them a minute to register. Like, oh, someone's talking to me. Just 'cause like they really aren't used to people talking to them anyway. It's not super common. It's usually Merrick, but then they'll sort of like open their eyes and they'll give her a look.

Kind of one that's like, do I fucking look okay? But then they'll sort of-- - Seen some shit. - Literally. - Literally. - Ha! - But then they'll sort of like catch themselves and they'll give her the biggest smile they can manage, which is not very big. And they'll give her a thumbs up and then they'll just lean their head against the wall again, just try to sleep. - I feel like Bree would like want to help, but realize it's like, okay, one, there's nothing I can do. And continuing to bother you isn't like helping you probably need rest. But she would sort of look back to the rest of the people in the back of the carriage and just the wagon and just like, what do we do?

Like, do we do anything? Just like, this is not my field of expertise. What do we do? - Lean out the window, Merrick! What do we do? - What about everybody else? Is everybody else just sort of, is everyone else feeling pretty much rested up? Just anything you're talking about, anything? What time is it again? - Sunset. - Okay. - I guess at some point, Ordn will open up to the group and just ask, does anyone know how to get into the city? - Can't be too hard. I mean, they're just a city that decided to succeed from the rest of Theria. So I'm sure it's pretty easy to get in there.

Right? - We've all known someone who's gone at some point. Can't be that hard. - All right. - I'm assuming that everyone knows. Like, it seems like it's not uncommon. - Yeah, this feels like the kind of thing that it's not a mystery completely. It's just sort of like, yeah, this is what you gotta do, but it's weird. - Everyone knows someone who's been to Paris, you know? - Yeah, right. - It's one of those things where you go to a strange city and they have a different way of doing their public transportation or something. Do I pay you? What do I do? - Trying to use the subway for the first time.

- Right. - Do I wait for the check or do I go to the front? I don't, I just don't. Yeah, I guess I'm gonna go to shrug. Like, I don't know. I don't know. Can't be that hard, right? Can't be that hard. Otherwise I'll fucking find a set of wings and get up there myself. Whatever. We'll get there, trust me. - Okay. Was just wondering. - Julie would, Julie would lift one eye. Just again, kind of leaned back, really, really relaxed. Just like one eye closed, lift the other one. So what exactly are we hoping to find when we get there? - Anything more than we know right now.

This is kind of, all of this is too important for us to go with bits and pieces and putting a puzzle together that doesn't have all the pieces. So if there's anything else we could find, it just means that we're gonna be in better shape. That's all. So is it about keeping demons away or getting gods to be free? I don't care, but we just need as much information as we can. - I'd even accept some knowledge on how to kill demons. - Yeah. - Brie would speak up. Can we kill demons? - Miracle shrug. - Wait, can I roll religion check for that? - You could. - Actually, I'm gonna, Merrick's gonna do that too, just cause that would be his, that would be his, sorry.

That would be exactly where his brain would go. It's like, well, let me think about this. - I figure both of you would have some sort of like, - Damn. - Good Lord, okay. - All right, 28. - I think from the physical standpoint, Una would be like, Una would know that like from a physical standpoint, you can hit most demons from what she's heard. Not necessarily read, but it's one of those things where it's like, well, I mean, like I've heard that they, yeah, you can hit them. Like you can definitely hurt them. - All right, so say, from what I've heard, we can definitely try.

- Merrick on the other hand, would know that there's more than one way to skin a cat in that aspect. And there's many types of demons. Common like demon foot soldier type physical beings that are more about brute force and grunt labor. They can be killed. That is a thing. It takes effort and it's not like killing a person. It's a little bit different. They are remarkably resilient creatures. And the higher you go up in that demon food chain, the tougher it is to kill something and make it stay dead. - They go back to the twisting nether. - Pretty much, that's the problem.

And if there's a direct gateway, killing it won't really do much. Killing it kind of just prolongs the inevitable. Now, the other thing Merrick would give some thought to is that half of a bauble that Ernie Julie brought back, which is supposed to aid in fighting demons, but it's not really detailed in how it aids. - Okay. Well, Merrick would of course relate whatever he, you know, he would comment on all of that. - I like to think that he's just like, you know, he just relates all this like spiel about demons. Everyone's just like, fuck. Just like, just that silence.

What's like, well, that confirms the worst. Fuck, awesome, you know? - Yeah, he'd probably convey all that and then long pause and then just be like, nice weather or something, just something random. 'Cause it's downer shit, right? - Yeah. - Question when it comes to like demon lore and all of that. Is that more solidified than like God lore or is it exactly the same level of like- - It's exactly the same. - This is probably true. - Right, it's exactly the same level because it's- - It's not an authority, it's like the books say, the chart says. - But the chart says, yeah, it's basically like, okay, you know how it's been, it's like, oh yeah, hell's a place, you can go there.

But no one ever fucking does. Like, it's not like, dude, people don't even travel down to where the drow live for the most part. Like it's not, this is all like fourth, fifth hand information. It's all very like, it's been passed down from generation to generation. And it's not like there's an authority living today that's like, oh yeah, I was there last Tuesday. And it's this, this way and this way. So all of this is very vague. It's all been written down and passed down. And it's, you don't know if this is a firsthand account of someone originally, or if this is one of those things where it's like, oh, well, I had a great, great grandfather who told me that, you know, so you don't, it's like a game of telephone.

- I have a question. Colin knows a little bit about demons. If they did a history check, would that give any different information perhaps? - I don't think it would be to 28. - Well, probably not, but. - You know what, you can give it a go. - Yeah, let's see what happens. It is not their strong point, but. - No. - No. - So that would be, yeah, Colin has tuckered out. - No, it was still something that would just be like, yep, yep, that's right, yep. - Okay, on the same level and like, this might be weird, but like if Thanatos rolled like a history check, would Thanatos have a different perception because Thanatos is from somewhere else?

Like would Thanatos have different information based on the role than Jasper would have? - I think it would be a different opinion of it. Like it's the Gisorai. - So the texts are all the same across the board for the most part. - The texts are, yeah, the texts, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the same, it's just a different interpretation of that. It's like, well, what I get from this is that we've been bad and need to be punished, that type of thing. Whereas the Gisorai was like, so check out this bullshit. This is how this is bullshit. They're very. - Oh, so demons are just as bullshit to Gisorai in general.

- Yeah, well, it's all fairy tale stuff. 'Cause again, it's like. - I wasn't sure how to play that. - Well, it's basically, it's like, have you ever seen one? It's like, no. It's like, have you ever met anybody who's seen one? No, it's like, 'cause it's all fairy tale shit that was told us to keep us in line, man. Like it's that kind of, think of them as really annoying atheists. - I bet they're amazing. - Cute. - I wasn't sure if demons were more real somehow than. - Supposedly, here's the thing. They are, they supposedly should be because like you could theoretically get to hell.

Whereas heaven is more of, like if you want to call it heaven, it's one of those things that's more theoretical. And like, but the problem is it's like, okay, the demons have been sealed away for forever. If you believe that. And it's like, no one goes there. No one's seen them and no one really knows how to fight them if they were to get out. And it's all just like, yeah, yeah, whatever. - So there's one thing I can throw in here. And that is, I don't know what we saw, but Merrick stood in front of Darmok and a bunch of somethings. And so if there's anybody that could say, have you ever seen a demon or met a demon?

I would say Merrick would say, you know what? I think I have. I think I actually know one. But I was just thinking about what Merrick would say to all this. And I think he would say, look, I, you know, the stories are stories and I don't know what's true. And this is a game of, well, I guess there's no such thing as a telephone in theory. This is a game of message from person to person to person. But. - We need a better name for that game. - Yeah. (laughs) For Ravens. This is a game of Ravens. But I'm gonna go into the assumption that we can't kill a demon or if we could kill a demon, maybe we wouldn't be powerful enough to do it.

I don't know. So I'm putting all of my energy into keeping them away because I don't want them to get out so that I have to even think about it. So that's where I am. - Uno just kinda like nod along to what Merrick says. Like that makes more sense than, you know, trying to fight legions of demons. But she'll mutter under breath. Wouldn't mind becoming an expert in killing demons, just saying. - So let's keep going. Let's get to Uminiro. - We're on the road to Uminiro. - God. Well guys, here's the good news. That two you rolled, that's gonna carry you through the night.

So I'm not gonna ask for another roll. - Yay. - So yay. All right. How about that? So you guys are going to- - Eric. - No stop. - However, the next day I will need a roll. Thank you, Eric. (laughing) And then Ordnance carried off by a giant bird. (mimicking bird) - Hi. - Do I get a tribute band? - Have I never mentioned the mountain pigeons? Have I never mentioned them? - The mountain pigeons. (mimicking bird) - So you guys are going to be three quarters, three quarters of the way to Uminiro. And the sun is just going to be popping up. Now I imagine during that time, there'd be a couple of like bathroom breaks and stretching, grab a drink, that type of thing.

And like at that, at some point, Merrick would have been swapped out with someone a little fresher. And then like, when people can, they catch naps in the back. It is the 14th of Thorim right now, guys. Dawn. Now, which one of you guys would like to do me a favor and roll a flat T20? - No. - I'll do it. - Okay. - Here we go. - 10. - Middle of the road. That's what I always say. - Oh my gosh, your dice, your rolls are so suspenseful. - Yeah, they really are. - I love it. - That was scary. - All right. So you only got, it only really cost you a day. That wagon wheel thing, which sucks.

But again, in the grand scheme of things, it should be fine. What if you guys are late by one day? Wouldn't that suck? - Oh, don't. - I'm sorry. - You asshole. - I'm sorry. It's not, I'm just, it's one of those things like, ah, missed it by that much. - I think we would notice if we had missed it by one day. I feel like it's a little more obvious. - It's raining blood, guys. I think we're late. - We just sleep in the night before. (laughing) - So, it is gonna start raining again, sadly. Weather is just, weather's not on your side, but it's not real bad. It's just- - All right, quick question.

Does that happen while Fantas is sleeping on the roof? 'Cause that can be hilarious. - Well, I would imagine it's one of those things like, as you guys are approaching daylight, it's gonna be one of those gorgeous, like morning rain type things where it starts off real slow. Just a couple of, was that rain? You catch a drop every once in a while. And then- - I just imagined her like acquiescing to get back in the carriage, like a white cat sitting outside. Like, I don't wanna be out here anymore. - Well, do me a favor. - Oh man, tell me how much it'll be swap.

- Do me a favor, roll a flat D20. If it's 10 or higher, then you'd notice just as it's starting. If it's lower than that, then it would be- - More suspense. - Oh, Jesus. First rain drop. First rain drop, it's like, nope. - And just, yeah, slink back inside. - But like, okay, because it's a 20, can I add a little bit of head cannon to this? - Sure. - Can she grab onto the wagon and like go in through the window real smooth? - Oh, Dukes of Hazzard style. - Yeah, exactly. - Okay, cool, yeah. - And like land in her seat, like real smooth and then not even make a big deal about it 'cause it's cooler if you don't talk about it after.

- Totally. By the way, have I mentioned the giant Confederate flag on the top of your wagon? I don't know if I've mentioned that or not, but. - Jason, it's too real. - The Oprah show rise again. So how about we fast forward another few hours 'cause again, a 10 will carry you to Uminero. That you'll be pretty much fine, just crappy weather. It'll slow you down a little bit. This will be almost like noon, two o'clock, somewhere in that area where you finally get there. And what you're gonna see, everyone do me a favorite roll of perception check. Oh God. - 32.

- Eric, you got two digits. - This happens on perception all the time where I roll okay, but I still see less than everyone else. So. - Not Una. - Sorry a little more than you. - Una's remiss, so she got two points below you. - Okay little buddy. - That's the elven in her blood. It's not, it's not. Oh boy. Okay, so. What the party's going to see as they approach this giant floating city is one, there is a massive crater where the city used to be, right? So this is basically a giant hunk of rock. Just like the city itself, then this jagged piece of just like boom, just like someone scooped it out and threw it up in the sky and it just stuck.

Now next to this huge crater is going to be this very, very large, almost a pedestal type of thing where it just, picture something where maybe a statue would stand or something like that, but it's this large circular area. And in the middle of it, toward the back, there'd be this large chest. And if you were to approach the chest, cause it's the only thing in the, it's the only thing in the area really, there'd be a sign basically telling you, it's like, hey, you can enter the city, all those seeking knowledge, awesome. Put your, put every weapon you have in the chest.

- Ha ha, fuck you. - Which, okay, here's the thing. That obviously would be a problem for the likes of Thanos and Brie. However, they find out you're essentially a living weapon that could cause problems. They might want to not restrain you, but keep a very close eye on you. - Technically if they're all practicing magic up there, they're all weapons too, unless no one's allowed to have a wand or staff, which would be hard to study magic. - No, that's not the case, but they look at outsiders a lot more closely than they look at the people who live there.

- Fair enough, like they're allowed to have weapons, but we're not. - Yes, that's, yeah. - How do they know if we have our weapons or not? - Well, it's a spell protecting the gate leading into the city, essentially. You will be teleported into the city as long as there are no weapons on your person. - Also your weapon is a big ass hammer. - Yeah, that's true. - Yeah, that aside. - How am I gonna put my razor sharp wit into a chest? (laughing) - All right, I'm sure we're gonna need some, like we're gonna need to talk to someone and be like, are you sure that these weapons are gonna be okay?

Because this one's kind of accordion. - Yeah, like Una would be not okay with just like putting her fucking cord's fucking hammer into a chest in the middle of butt fuck no earth, no one guarding it. - Right, so here's a question. Can Merrick do an Arcana check or something like that to see if he has any insight into like, oh, this would be totally safe or not? - Yeah, please do, yes. - 13, that's not a zero, come on. - No, it's not. (laughing) - Everybody's like. (laughing) - It's done. - It's not something you can't possibly roll or anything. (laughing) - Negative number, what did I?

- Merrick, okay, here's the thing. There's definitely Mojo surrounding the chest. There's definitely magic leading into the city. There's like this entire thing, this entire setup. The nature of which is a little lost on Merrick where it's, okay, that is not just a plain ass chest. That is not just a thing where it's just like, yeah, yeah, leave your stuff. 'Cause there's a reason it's a chest. There's a reason it's tied to this pedestal. There's a reason it's there before the city. So it's not just, yeah, yeah, just throw your crap on the ground and come in.

It's, he's guessing that it's definitely tied to you entering and leaving the city, but beyond that, it's a little cool. - Merrick's gonna just throw his stuff in there. He'd be like, what options do we have? So he's just gonna throw his stuff in. - Yeah, can we talk to, is there a phone? (laughing) - Is there a phone? - Press here. - Can I yell into the chest? (laughing) - There's a little button that says chat now. (laughing) - Have questions or complaints? - There's no one down there. There's no one there to speak with. And the only thing you could really do is either leave it in the chest, then walk, walk, you know, just pretty much enter the city and talk to somebody then, or have somebody speak for you on the other side.

That's basically the only. - Damn it, nobody's got the diplomacy. Wait, who's got the good diplomacy? - Thanos. - You do? - Thanos specifically is the best. No, I'm kidding. - Really? I don't. - No, no, she doesn't. - Mine's super good. - Julie's not bad. - Kaluna has a plus five to diplomacy. - I can't believe you have less than I do. I have a plus seven. - Listen, their charisma is really fucking bad. It's bad. - Did you train in it or? - No, their charisma is a nine. - No, I mean, diplomacy. Oh, wait, it's less than mine. What am I thinking? Anyway, let's move on.

- I don't know. - I'm stupid. - All right, yeah. - I got a plus 14. - Oh yeah. - Oh, Jesus. - Which totally makes sense for Marek, by the way. - That's worth doing. - Plus 14 and a 17 charisma, of which, you know, so it's a charisma roll plus. - That's at wit. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. - Don't have to leave that in the chest anyway. - Yeah, so do we want to go in and have Marek explain that like the fist of Kord is outside with a legendary weapon and that even just as scholars, even if they're not religious, they should respect the fact that this is a very important piece of historic bullshit.

- If they let me bring it with me, I'll let them look at it. - Yeah. No, I think that's a good, it's a good sort of, it's not just saying like, hey, we- - No, no, you can't touch it. Just look. - Look with your eyes. - Would you allow them, Una, would you allow them to take it while we're there and, you know, like take notes on it and do measurements and, you know, just sort of whatever with the understanding that you'll get it back as soon as you, as soon as we leave? - They can measure it, but my eyes are not gonna leave it. - Okay. - I don't want them switching it out with any bullshit.

I don't know what these wizards are capable of. - Nah, I get it. No, that's fair. Okay. So. - I will say that, let me see, the group, well, no, not the group at this point, it would have just been Una. Una, and I believe Brie was there too, yeah, did talk to the leader of the city, like the Lennon Duskwalker. I believe he flirted with Una. - Oh. - Oh fuck. - You're right. - I forgot about that. - Oh my God. - That's so good. - Okay, Una needs to. - Una, can you make out with Brie in front of him, please? (laughing) - Right. Here's, yeah, so, all right, so the plan should be, I think, Merrick's gonna go up, if anybody else wants to go with him, probably that's cool too.

Probably a couple of people going up. Merrick will try to do the diplomacy and specifically name drop Al-Anon, Al-Anon? Al-Anon? - Al-Anon? (laughing) - Alcoholics Anonymous. - What's his name? - Al-Anon. - Al-Anon. And specifically name drop Al-Anon as someone that, Al-Anon is very familiar with Una and if this is something that might be good for an exception, we would appreciate it, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But Una's gotta let Merrick know that, wait a second, I think this dude had the hots for me. - Yeah, all right. That was back in-- - That's exactly right, Ordon.

All right, Ordon. - Eric. - Al-Anon is the druid from the Shannara series. - Thank you. I knew I knew. - This is back in Winterhaven, right? - Oh yeah. This was just before the big-- - Yeah. I flirted with him to figure out what the amulet did, right? - Oh boy, yes. God, that was so far back. - I was trying to get information out of him. - Yeah. - I got a plus to my, oh, 'cause I have like the sure-shale of fem or whatever the fuck. - Oh, that's right, like yeah. - Oh yeah, you flirted with him first, but then we're grossed out when he flirted back. - Reciprocated, yeah.

- Yeah. - That's how that went. 'Cause if you remember back in the day, Una would flirt with everybody to get that diplomacy buff. - Right. - Oh, but then she got a girlfriend and stopped. - Aww. - She's like, "No, I respect my honey." - Jason, if you want to name this episode Sex Modifier, you're fucking kidding me. - That was the name of my band in high school. - Oh, I love it. - It was a one-man band. I wore a bunch of instruments on my body. - Well, I was in the Magic the Gathering Club, so yeah. - No, you were not. You were in the Magic Card Club. (laughing) (sighing) - Anyway.

- All right, so I have to actually impart to you. So Una will kind of like pull Merrick aside a little bit away from Bree, just a distance. And just say, "Hey, so I think the main wizard guy up there, he may, we may have like flirted and he may kind of have the hots for me. So if you can name that part. - Merrick's face is just like, "Oh, really?" - She's gonna look a little ashamed, but not as ashamed as she should look. - Wow. - I think Merrick's fingers like steepled, like, "Really?" - I always go, "Oh, this is good. Oh, really? Oh, this is amazing. Well, listen, I don't want anything to get in the way, but I'm gonna give you two.

So I'll make sure that I talk to him specifically and make sure he knows you're coming." He's mocking her at this point. - Yeah, she's gonna be just like, the glare is getting more and more intense with every word. - Okay, okay, cool. I got it. All right, that's good. That might help. - She's gonna just like kind of stomp off the platform and go like pick at the horses or like, you know, just like, just get away from fucking Merrick's snark. - Does anybody want to go up with Merrick or does everybody want to go? - I think everybody is. - No, Kaluna is going to flop down next to the thing, the magic thing, and just lay there like, and give a thumbs up like, "We'll be here when you cut back.

Have fun." - Not into the teleportation? - No, definitely not, no. - Just a pile of shit appears next to her. - You know, that's actually funny because one of the things that Kaluna does as a natural part of their body is teleport. - What? - But they don't trust other people's teleportation. - They don't trust the wizards. - Racist. - Wizards are a race now. - I think that's actually officially classist. - Yeah, I think everybody else would pretty much be going up and I do, okay. - Watching Una stomp off, I think Brie would ask Merrick, "Is she okay?" - Merrick is just going to laugh.

Like he's going to have a smile on his face the whole time. It's not like she's, it's not like mad, angry stuff. It's just more like, "Oh, I got her. Yeah. Oh no, she's good. This is going to be good. This is great." He's just giddy with fun. - Right, yeah. She's just kind of like, but like, you know that face of like, "Okay, I'm still lost, but I'm going to ride with you on this. I'm going to trust you here." - Yeah, yeah. - She knows that's nothing serious. - Right, but you should totally come with us, Brie. You should totally come with me. Make sure you come on up with us.

Come on, let's go. This is going to be good. - Okay. And she would, yeah. So this is a massive platform, by the way. This is huge. This is pretty big. And after all of your weapons would be relinquished, there is a center of this platform. And as you're standing there, after everyone stands still for just a moment, there would be this blinding flash of light. And then the next thing that you would be able to see is this sort of bustling cityscape. Like there's, as you're kind of regaining, like it's almost like a flashbang going up for just a second. It's like, oh shit.

And your eyes adjust and you're inside this building, but it's this massive building. And you're seeing people sort of scuttle back and forth to and fro. And this is sort of a reception center for people coming into the city. And this is a place where they can sort of kind of give you a once over, look you over, and it's like, all right, okay. And then if you have any questions on where to go, then they sort of send you on your way. And the first person that you'd see after getting your bearings is this human woman with long dark hair. And she would walk toward you guys after like scenes like, oh, okay, we have visitors.

And walk up to you. Hello, my name is Valena. Is there anything I can assist you with today? - Hi, I'm Merrick Apple Red. This is my, these are my friends. We're here to, well, we're here for knowledge. We're here for some information if we can. We wanted to be able to talk to some people at the library, maybe some experts, but we'll start at the library if that would be okay. Is that reasonable? Is that how we do this here? Sorry, never been here before. Do you need an ID? - She's gonna give you a smile. That's like, oh, sweetie. Well, you're gonna have to be a little more specific than the library.

- Is there a specific branch of study you're interested in? - Roughly demons and gods and how to stop them and/or bring them back. - She's gonna sort of arch an eyebrow when it's like, oh, demons and gods. And then when you get to the how to stop them, she'll sort of tilt her head almost like a dog who's trying to hear you better. When you say stop them, how do you mean? - Oh, it's hypothetical. It's just like this thought experiment. Like if there were a bunch of demons trying to take over the world, what would you do in order to stop them? It's basically that kind of, it's just an exercise.

It's just stuff we wanted to figure out. - Well, hmm. I'll be honest, not many people ask questions in that realm, but I can send you to our head researcher if he's not busy. That would be absolutely ideal. Head researcher sounds perfect. - All right, you're in for quite a walk. I'll just let you know. - That's fine. We've come a long way anyway, so a long walk here won't be a big deal. There's one more thing. Is Aladdin here by any chance? - That would be Archmage Duskwalker. He is in the city, yes. We have a member of our party who's still down there. He'll sort of point randomly 'cause he doesn't actually know where he is.

- Right. - He'll just point below. Down there, we have kind of an issue. I completely understand and I understand the magic behind protecting the city and all of the weapons. Totally get it, totally with you 100%. We have kind of a special circumstance, and I'm sure you get this all the time. We're not looking to bring a weapon into the city. However, it's kind of a special weapon. The person that's with us is actually someone who's had a little bit of a relationship with Archmage Duskwalker. He's gonna glance at Brie. - Oh, Brie will be looking. Yeah, Brie will be looking at Merrick at this point.

Say what now? - And thought he might be willing to make an exception under the circumstances. Is that something that we could get a note to him or maybe even bring him here or? - Give me a favor, roll a diplomacy check. - He's being really sweet, by the way. - Yeah. - 18. Come on. Can we do it again? - Shh. (laughing) - She's, it's not terrible. She's going to sort of recoil. It's like, we wanna bring a weapon into the city, and it's a really good one. It's like, ooh, this is a place of nonviolence. It's strictly those seeking knowledge and research. Weapons within the city are very, it's a tricky subject.

- You said that they, you said that your friend knows the Archmage. - Yeah, so let me give a little bit more context. I don't mean to be flippant about it, and I certainly don't want to break any of the rules, which completely makes sense, right? In fact, this city doesn't need to have any sort of weapon in it, if we could completely have no weapons, that would be ideal, but this happens to be kind of a ceremonial weapon. The person that's below is technically a Fist of Cord, if that gives you any indication of where I'm going with this. This is a very special weapon that is, well, it's not just ceremonial, it's kind of an artifact.

And with that in mind, she felt a little bit uncomfortable leaving it down in a chest, however magically locked it might be. You can understand, right? - I understand the binder, but what I'm hearing is that your friend, she's particularly violent, if she's the Fist of Cord. And you're gonna hear, yeah, I'm sorry. You're gonna hear her voice, like the Fist of Cord, it's like whatever bullshit you believe in, that kind of, like you could tell, like just like pick it up. Do me a favor, roll a diplomacy check, one more. Okay. - 22. - That being said, I can send a message along and we could see what the Archmage would like to do.

It might be just a little bit, but I'm not sure if he's busy with something. - That's fine. I mean, I think, under the circumstances, this person is very mature and very much interested in the knowledge that your fair city contains just as much as we are. This is really more about not leaving something behind that's very special and certainly not about someone who's violent. And remember, this is all just ceremony, right? And Merrick's gonna kind of do like a leaning forward, like between you and me, this is all bullshit, but the whole idea is this is kind of a thing, right?

And she's a little bit crazy about it. So if you can understand, it would be really wonderful if you could bring a message to Archmage Dustwalker. - I'll send a message right away. Just have, if you and your party could just stay here for a moment, I'll get ahold of someone and they'll run your message right along. - Thank you so much. If there's anything that you need from us, any other information, just let me know. Thanks. And then they're gonna, are there seats around? There's like a bench or something? - Yeah, totally. There's a city area. Yeah, sometimes there's a problem with someone getting vetted and or the city and it's like, wow, I'm really sorry about this.

- Immigration. - Yeah, it's before they let you loose, they... So she's going to disappear for a moment and then she's going to come back. I sent your message along and hopefully we'll hear back shortly. - Thank you very much. Was it Valena? Was that right? - Valena, yes. - Valena, it's a pleasure to meet you and thank you so much for being so accommodating. I know that this is a bit of a struggle, but thank you. - Not at all. It's perfectly fine. - I was gonna ask, what's in the immediate area while these two are talking? - Santos is gone. - Maybe. - Well, okay, picture this immediate area, like sort of this large circular room, right?

That there's almost not a kiosk, like more like there's a desk and like a table, like almost a standing table near the exit to this room that opens up into this huge, huge building that you can see and like lots of people scampering around and stuff. The area that you're in is actually a lot more subdued in that there's a couple of books sitting around, there's like benches and stuff, but it's not, there's not a huge, it's not like there's potions and like stuff being brewed and all that stuff. It's very, there's like reading material and like almost like pamphlet type stuff.

It's like, so you've decided to come study magic, that type of thing. Like why you should dedicate your life to study. - Like a college fucking campus. - Almost, yes, it almost is. So you've decided not to be a savage barbarian. Like it's that type of- - Would you like to join drama club? - Would you like to know more? Like very, yeah. - All right, so Thea does probably like wandered, like during that conversation, she probably wandered over the door and she like stuck her head out, but it's a thing where like you could just snap to get her back, she didn't wander too far. 'Cause it's a boring room.

If it were more interesting, she'd probably be gone, but nah. Like she just went to go take a peek, but not too far. - But yeah, that's the thing, like for Thanatos, I would imagine like beyond this room, it is just hustle and bustle and people, like we're talking like hundreds of people like scurrying back and forth because that looks like the main, almost sort of like all roads lead through that huge room where it's like, oh, I need to get to the north end. And like, I mean, there's all kinds of stuff like going on out there. - Do the stairs move on their own?

- No, no, no, nothing that like crazy, but there, there is magic in use in the city, not in frivolous ways, but there, picture carnival barkers. - Gotcha. - So there are different schools of magic in the city, like the study and some of these people teaching it have spent their entire lives in pursuit of this. So it's like they want to pass that knowledge onto other people, but some people it's like, look, man, I've been studying this whole like conjuring ice thing my whole life and it's taken me this long to get this far. Why should I go to your controlling fire class and like spend a bunch of years doing that?

And it's like, because you could do this. So they're, they're made. - Oh, are there any of those that Santos can see? - Oh yeah, every once in a while. It's like, it's like, you know, that like, if they, they see a bunch of like, like kids going to like class, basically for, for lack of a better term, it'd be like, oh, we're getting ready to teach, do this shit. Like that type of thing. - Merrick pulls on the leash that he put on Santos while she was on the leash and just tugs on it. Like, not really. (laughing) - Should this be a thing where like the group could like roll perception to get her to not, or I like, she wouldn't do a thing where like she's deliberately abandoning them, like, okay, imagine you're a kid and like you're shopping with your parent or something.

- And there's an arcade or something back in the day. - Right. - Right, so here's the thing. - Yeah, it's like, I'm not going to wander, and you think like, oh, I'm just going to wander away for half a second and mom's still going to be there. And then three hours later, your mom is just like freaking the fuck out and has called the police kind of thing. Like you didn't think you were doing anything wrong. - Right, I would, here's the thing. I think by now everybody knows what Santos' deal is. So like, I think it'd be, I think anybody who would see what would be going on outside of this one boring kind of room, it's like, okay, hold up.

The entire party can roll a perception. - Uh oh. - Uh oh, uh oh, uh oh. - Uh oh, I gotta get Brie to roll. It's time to bring in Julie, basically. Julie wouldn't even know. Julie wouldn't, it's like, yeah, whatever, it's kid, whatever. I think even Brie would have an inkling at this point because of everything that happened in the fucking house. Oh God, they both have the same perception. I think, hold on a second. Yup, plus seven. Okay, so this is for Julie. That's not, yeah, that's not bad. I think she would be more taking in the sights and stuff. But it's Julie that Julie wouldn't like, yeah, like it's a bunch of stuff going on.

She wouldn't necessarily be like. - Like she'd see me near the door, but like she wouldn't think I should get her away from that door. - Oh boy, so we're hoping for a decent, we're hoping for about that from Brie, hopefully. - No, we're not. - Oh, Jesus Christ. - Yes. I'm gonna go make friends, guys. - Oh, Jesus Christ. - There's one guy passing out candy outside a van. I'm gonna go say hi. - Oh boy, okay. Now, is this a thing where, okay, you said that this is not something that Thanatos is trying to necessarily do to break away from the group? Or is it just like, I'm just gonna break away for a second?

- It's I'm just gonna break away for a second. Like she'll probably even look back at the group, see that Merrick is having his conversation that very long, like, can I speak with your manager? The conversation and just like, that's boring. And that guy is doing something, I don't know who's the closest person doing something interesting, but whoever that is, it's like, okay, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go see that real quick. - So this would be a dude like standing on the far side. So we're talking like, you know, probably hundreds of feet away, but the guy is like, it's eye catching because he would be like, it'd be like conjuring dancing fire from his hands, basically like in small like bursts, just like, (fire crackling) everybody comes in, like that type of thing.

Like very carnival barker-ish, but more dignified if that makes any sense, like if you can conjure that image in your head. - Right. - Because again, this is a place where people who may not be innately gifted with just magic can go to learn this stuff. It just takes years and years and years of study, like your whole life. So here's what I'm gonna ask you to do. I'm gonna ask you to roll a stealth check, but because basically the rest of the party is taking it, like this is tons of stuff. This is a big site. And I would imagine that Bree is pretty much disposed with Jasper and Valenna because there's mention of it's like, oh, they have a past together.

They have a history. It's like that would be- - They have a real stealing romance. - That dude, that would be the thing that's like, what now? Like that would be your focus. Do me a favor, roll a stealth check. - Okay. ♪ I believe I can fly ♪ - Aw. - It's not amazing. - It's not the best, but it's not the worst. - Not the worst. So wrapping up this conversation and like the message has been passed along and stuff, what Bree would want to pull America aside? (Bree laughs) - Sure. I love this. - And he's just smiling. He's just trying to stir shit, right? - Right, right.

And she's taking it very seriously. This is like, why are you smiling? You asked. - What, you didn't hear about their trip to Cancun? (Bree laughs) Two summers back, real steamy. - Oh, it was while you were away and- - Oh, they went to the fire aisles. - People get lonely. - They went to the fire aisles. Oh my God. - They got a divorce, but like, we don't know if it's finalized or not. - Like every sitcom episode, everyone. - I'm sure those are the premise of like three friends episodes. I'm sure it was. - Minimum. - So can I ask a question? - Sure, yeah. What's up?

- What are your, what? Okay, look, I don't mean to pry, but Kuna has a history with the Duskwalker? Like, I mean- - I, hmm. I don't know. All she said to me was that at some point they flirted and figured this might be a good way in to getting, you know, her weapon up here, right? So it's no big deal. I'm just, I'm just fucking with you, Bree. - Are you talking about, you're talking about Winterhaven? - Yeah, I guess, right? - That's the only one I know of. I'm hoping that's the only time that it happened. And it was just a, okay, okay. - He's gonna put his hand on her arm.

I'm fucking with you. I'm fucking with Una. I'm sure nothing happened. All I know is that, you know, Una has this thing, right? She's got a little of this sexy way of being able to get people to do things. And the truth is, is that it works, right? So I'm sure she uses it. Don't worry about it. I'm just fucking with you. And I'm fucking with her and I'm just trying to stir shit. I don't want to deal with this right now. I don't want to make anything worse. We're really here for a good reason. I'm just fucking around. - Okay, hopefully that it's, hopefully that'll pay off and we can put that to good use.

- You can tell she's not, like she's relieved at the same time. It's like, wish that wasn't a thing, kind of like just, yeah. - Um, Merrick. - Yes. - Do my favorite roll of perception check. - Perception, I can do that. How about a 21? That's not bad. - 21. You're going to notice that Thanos is no longer in this room. - Fuck. I'm going to do an athletics check right now. - And just leap, just leap in whatever direction. - It doesn't take a genius to sort of figure out. It's like, okay, cool. - Find her. - Okay. Let's catch up with Thanos because a few minutes have passed.

So is Thanos just making a, just a beeline for fire dude? - Pretty much unless something else distracts her on the way. But like, that's the reason she left the room was like, what the fuck is that shit? Cause I imagine like Gandalf's fireworks, where it's like really impressive shit. - Maybe not that impressive, maybe not fire dragon. - Not the dragon that fucking swoops down. Yeah. - But they were supposed to put that one off. Like the other ones, the cute ones. - Right. It's the, yeah. So, okay. So you're going to walk up to him and like having hooked a potential, like just like, well, little lady, like very, like he's playing it up.

He's hamming it up. You could tell. Are you interested in earning a degree in the pyrotechnic arts? - Is, is that what you're doing? - And he's going to, he's going to make a hand gesture and this little ball of fire is going to be in his hands. Just like the size of like a softball, something like that. And then from it, these little fire tentacles are going to reach up and then just sort of in one motion, he's going to squeeze his hand and the entire thing is just gonna, again, like fireworks, just pop, pop, pop, like that type of thing. And that's going to be like several feet above you.

Indeed it is. - Fucking awesome. How did you learn to do that? Like she's gonna, like she's actually kind of like interested, like that could be cool. - So taking this guy in, it's kind of, kind of a salt and pepper looking guy, like not, not heavy set, but a little bit of a paunch, like, and he is, you could tell he's probably like middle age, something like that, human. Oh, it took me many years of study, but I am proud to say that as of this day, I can defend myself if need be, if ever I were to leave this place for some reason. And more importantly, I have walked away with an immeasurable new amount of knowledge from Professor Ridgeway.

- Who's Professor Ridgeway? - Oh, that's, that is the lovely lady who teaches this, this way of life, I would put it. It's more than just study. - Sorry, I'm trying to think. Try to think how she would react to this person. Like you're crazy, but I like it. If she looks behind him, like, is that where the like, like, does it say like Professor Winspace, blah, blah, blah, or something like that? - There's like a hallway leading to, yeah. And here's the thing, in this place, that is completely like common. Anywhere else in the world, it would be like, just go down this abandoned hallway for candy.

Like it's very, it's very weird. 'Cause like, you're kind of on edge out in the, out in the real world, quote unquote. And it's like, this is just like, yeah, you have no weapons, your defenses, go down this hallway type of thing. And he's going to, he's gonna sort of continue the pitch. It's like, oh my God, I almost got her. I almost got her, I'm gonna reel her in. It's like, now, you have your entire life ahead of you, a young girl such as you. Wouldn't you like to walk away from this place, having intake and an immeasurable quality of life that you could not get on your own?

- I'm just visiting. Like she only, I think it just dawned on her like, oh, he's trying to sell me something. Like only just now, was she like, oh, I'm letting this person down. Like, I'm not, no. Do more cool shit with the fire though. - Do it clown. - Dance, fucking dance. - And he's going to, he's gonna, oh, I was just visiting once too. I know exactly what you're saying. The world can be harsh and cruel. And I just stopped in one day, I was meeting a friend, but then I realized this, and he's going to, he's gonna lean down and sort of like wrap his arm around Thanos' shoulders and then gesture with the other hand down the hallway.

This was my calling. This is where I belong to the entire time. I need an adult. That's almost like, usually Thanos would just be like, fuck you, get off me. But like, it happened so suddenly in the middle of a normal conversation that for a moment, her eyes are screaming, I need an adult. And she's going to look over and see if Merrick has like seen her yet. - By this point, I would say that Merrick, yeah, I would say by this point, yeah, Merrick would be approaching. - And I'm not sure how his perception is, but she is screaming with her eyes. Like, get him off me, get him off me.

- Do me a favor, Merrick. Roll a perception. Okay, yeah. Approaching the scene, this paunchy middle-aged man is wrapping an arm around this 15 year old girl and trying to get her to go down this hallway. That's basically the scene that you walk up on and you could see Thanos like from behind, just like tense up, like I would imagine. - Merrick just stops and just lets it happen. (laughing) - Actually, this solves a lot of problems. - This actually is perfect. This is exactly what I need. - I bet this will make her calmer. - No, Merrick's gonna immediately come up and he's gonna put his arm around her, not in a romantic type gesture, but just sort of like, oh, there you are, right?

As he does that, he's gonna be pushing the other person's hand and arm away, right? Like, oh, there you are, thank you, thank you. And he's gonna look at the guy and he's gonna be like, thank you so much, we were really worried about her. - And in like a fluid motion, she is going to suddenly be like behind Merrick, like, thank you. - Yeah, and Merrick's gonna reach out his hand like, oh, thank you so much, yeah, we were very concerned. Thank you very much. Don't you know, Thanos, don't you ever do that again, kind of a thing, just kind of playing it up a little bit.

And he is ever the salesman, sort of, sort of, oh, there's no need to rush off. What is your business in our fine city? - Oh, I'm sorry, we've got a lot of work to do. We're actually waiting on a message to come back. So I'm afraid we're gonna have to take off, but thank you so much, I appreciate it. Thanos, are you okay? - She's gonna do like a quick nod of, even though she's saying yes, like you can tell it's no. - Right, yeah, I'm sorry, I've gotta get back. We've got a lot of people in our party and I've gotta make sure everybody's taken care of. Thank you so much though, I really appreciate it.

- If I could get some information from you, perhaps we can contact you with a- - You know what, on our way out, we'll stop by. How about that? - I really gotta take this call, I really gotta. - I'm so sorry. - Just sign this tablet, maybe you can give $11. (laughing) - Oh, man. - That's it, he's really gonna get her away from him. All he knows, that's all he knows. - Right. And eventually he'll give up, he's like, oh, fuck it, fine. - Like all pretenses dropped, just like, God fuck, okay. - Oh my God, okay, well. - That's the fucking away, Thanos is gonna say, probably loud enough for the guy to hear, but only barely.

Like that guy was creepy. - Mary's just gonna keep his arm around her and still pulling her and pushing her sort of in the direction back to the rest of the people. He's not even gonna acknowledge it or anything. Not that it was bad, just be like, like, yeah, that's what happens when you go talk to people like that sometimes. So let's keep going. - That's way too much like when you're at the mall and like you accidentally accept a free sample from someone. - Yup. - And I felt exactly as awkward, that's why I went blank. I was like, oh God, I can't take this in person.

(laughing) - Oh my God. - And Mary, on the way back to the party, Merrick is just gonna sort of do like a side, out of the side of his mouth, like, please don't walk away, please don't leave the rest of us, okay, thanks. - Thanos will just like sigh and like, fine. Only because I almost got molested. - Yeah, thank you. But with magic. - With fire. - Oh, that would be two characters I, no. - Oh, come on. (laughing) - Burn. - Oh God, anyway. - Valenna's gonna give you a look as you, what's like, did we get lost? That type of thing, like I thought we, I thought you knew the deal, like that type of thing.

- Merrick's gonna wink and give her a thumbs up. - I want Thanos to come back in and I won't do this, but I want to come back in and be like, I'm in a child molester, throws fire. - Merrick's gonna just walk by her and with a wink and a thumbs up and with this arm still around, Thanos pushing her into the rest of the party. All done, all taken care of. - Guys, 25 minutes are going to pass of you just sort of like waiting here. Just waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. - I quit DNR, I quit DNR. - You guys have looked through the same highlights for children like four times.

There's a golf digest somewhere that just been dog-eared. And eventually someone is going to hand Valenna a note and she's going to read and just sort of make eye contact with Merrick and Jester. Could you come here for a moment? - Yeah, he'll go right on up and with a big smile. - All right, there are some conditions obviously, but the archmage has seen fit to allow your friend to come into the city with her weapon now. - Fantastic. - For one, you are completely responsible for her in all things. If things get out of hand and this weapon is drawn, we are not responsible for what could happen to your friend.

We have the right to defend ourselves on this property. You understand? - Yeah, absolutely no question about it. This won't be a concern, but if it is, I completely understand. - All right. Now, you said that you wanted to meet with our head researcher. - Yes, please. - That is perfectly fine. We'll give you directions. The archmage did say that he wanted to speak with your friend alone if possible. - I'm sure that won't be a problem at all. I'm sure that she'd be happy to see him. - All right, then I'm going to hand you this and she's going to hand you this small spherical object.

Give that to your friend and it will let her cross the barrier into the city while still possessing her weapon. - Wonderful, thank you so much. So he's just going to find out how to do this basically. So he goes and stands somewhere with the thing and goes back down and he'll get all the details, the minutiae of it. - Yeah, and she makes it very clear. It's like, we're going to need that back. - Absolutely, not a problem. - So I'm guessing you're going back to Una to get a good word. - Yeah, immediately. Just straight down, walk right up to Una. - So about 30 minutes total has passed.

What would, how would Una be dealing with this way? 'Cause I'm imagining you thought it would be a little quicker. - Yeah, so maybe like five minutes go by and it's just like, shit, I don't know what's going to happen and then it's like, kind of like, her thought process would be like, okay, they probably are waiting on some sort of okay for this to happen. So she's going to spend the time kind of like sprucing herself up. So like, you know, she's not normally like keeping herself in like top beautified condition, you know, like just because, you know, as a pilot and running around smashing things with a hammer, that's not normally your top concern.

But she's going to put in an effort. So she's going to like make her hair all nice. You know, I don't know if Theria has makeup, but she'll put on a little lipstick or something. Just to kind of like, yeah, okay, you know, if I'm going to actually end up going there, I'm going to make myself presentable. Shine the armor, go off into like the mold, you know. - Thought there was a euphemism for a second. (laughing) - Yeah, why not? (laughing) - So this is, okay, so Una's on board with this, Merrick's on board with this, - Marie's not on board with this. (laughing) - I didn't anticipate this.

- So Una's entering the city, right? - Oh, hang on, Merrick's going to, before we even get there, Merrick's going to come up to Una down below and be like, hey, what, you look great. You look fantastic. Listen, this is for you. And he's going to hand her the little sphere and say, there's someone special that wants to see you in Umineiro. - Oh, shit. Okay, I, fuck. - You may want to clear your calendar for tonight. I have a feeling there's going to be a little romantic dinner in your future. - Like it was just like, it's partly like she's angry at Merrick for like just clearly getting so much enjoyment out of this.

But she's also just like, I got myself into this. It's just like, so it's shame and anger and acceptance all at the same time. So she just ends up like pinching the bridge of her nose. Just like, okay. - The good news is you can bring your weapon. - That is good news. She's going to like clutch it like a life preserver. - Yep. The bad news is if you do anything at all, I'm going to be responsible for this, okay? And they are going to fight back. If something were to go wrong, you're basically outnumbered. Don't, I know you know, but I just got to say it. Don't fuck this up.

- When have you ever known me to let my temper get out of control, Merrick? - Jesus Christ, give me the sphere. (all laughing) - She's going to like clutch it to her chest, like, no, it's my sphere. It's pretty, I like it. - Fine, you get it though, right? - They will absolutely fight back. So just keep the weapon. Yeah, I know. I'm just, I got to say it. I got to say it. I got to say it. Let's go. Bree's looking forward to seeing you. - Oh, she's going to like roll her eyes like so hard. Cause it's just like, fuck you Merrick. And then yeah, they'll zoom up there, I guess.

- Yep. - Before we move on, can Kaluna run an Arcana check on the thingy who's it? The transportation thingy, since they're hanging out there for 30 minutes. - Sure. - Oh, that's not good. That's not great. - It's not amazing, not terrible. - That's not bad. - Let's see, what would Kaluna pick up? Kaluna would pick up that one, this was probably not the work of one person, but several. Like the, this was probably like some sort of committee that was like, all right, how do we exist up here and still let people, you know, leave and enter and all that, and not leave ourselves completely open to attack, negating the fact that we're up here.

And this was the best solution that they could come up with. And then I guess at some point it was pretty much just decided, it's like, okay, if someone wants to start some shit once they're in here, they're going to have to funnel in single file to this one place and we will fight back. And some of the most powerful magic users in the entire damn planet are here. I think we got this. So that's pretty much the solution. This huge dais that you would have to kind of enter through. As far as the chest goes, Kaluna would again, the Kaluna would pick up, it's like that chest is magically tied to the group sort of like leaving weapons behind.

If it's a single entity, then it's just a single person leaving their stuff in there, but no one else should be able to access it. That's what Kaluna would kind of get. - So Kaluna's going to see Merrick and Una zoom up and they're going to be kind of, again, that child left alone somewhere kind of look like, hello, excuse me. And they're going to sort of like look like up at Yumeniro and back to the horses and up at Yumeniro and back to the horses. And then they're going to stare at the horses for a long time, like what the fuck do we do? - Are you asking the horses?

- Not, they might. - Just like wandering out. - Not expecting an answer. - Guide me wise mare. - Not like, excuse me, great one, please give me your wisdom. I just realized I accidentally insulted Kaluna, I'm so sorry. But like, definitely just like, kind of like when you look at your dog, like what the fuck, hello. So they'll sort of like scramble to take off the harness that has their daggers on it and like throw that in the chest, like, ugh. And they will not put away their totem, just not maliciously, but just sort of like, oh God, they're not used to not having it so they don't think about it and they're gonna try and go.

- So here's the thing. - Yeah. - The portal's gonna let you through, like it's going to transport you through. - Oh my God, I didn't think it would work, okay. - It's not looking at the totem as a weapon necessarily. - Oh, thank God. - So there's clearly some gray area here with this thing. 'Cause lots of stuff could be what, you could take a big rock up there with you and like technically that's a weapon. Like now either it's one of those things where it's like, they're not worried about that because it's like, yeah, whatever. Like you're, I mean, yeah, that is an important- - Oh no, ghost bear, like.

- Right, like they're not, it's like, yeah, okay. - Okay, okay, Sparky. - Yeah. - But yeah, as soon as they get up there, Toluna's gonna start like, you know, worrying stones? I think that's what they're called. They're gonna do that with their totem. Like they're gonna pull it out of their pouch and they're gonna start rubbing it like, ah, we don't like this. - Just gonna rub one out. - Okay, so like I, so this would be happening just after Merrick and Una take off, right? - Yeah. - Okay, so you'll catch the party. - Good. - Now- - That could have been a disaster.

(clears throat) - Valenna, seeing Una, I'm guessing, I'm guessing that you're the friend that they were talking about. And she's gonna look down at the hammer. The fist of cord. - Una's gonna give her like the biggest, like shitty, dang grin that is possible. And just say, that's me? - Well, you must be very special. You understand that this allowance, and she's gonna gesture toward the hammer. It's not something that just anyone is able to do here. - Una's gonna kind of like, like her first instinct is to be like, fuck you bitch, okay? But she'll like, is it, as soon as that thought enters her head, she'll like look down at Merrick and just like, nope.

And just say, I'm honored to have been given that privilege. I promise this will not be a problem for you. - Well, that's good to know. I'll have someone show you to the Archmage's office. He's still working, but he made it very clear that he would like to take some time out of his day to speak with you. - Oh, right now? Like she did not anticipate that this was the thing that she would have to go do immediately. - She thought it was like something she could kind of like wiggle her way out of like later in the evening. - Well, someone's gonna be wiggling around in some- (laughing) - I knew it as soon as I said it, God damn it.

I just can't set you up like that. - And she's going to pick, unless you're not interested, we could tell him that. - Merrick's gonna look at her and his eyes are gonna go wide open. He's gonna be like, no. - And you can tell that she's looking for any reason. Like she's looking. - I will say, no, I just, you know, I thought I'd be able to at least kind of change out of my muddy armor and it's not that muddy, but like she'll just give like a charming little like, like, oh, us girls, we know, kind of smile. - And yeah, she'll give you one of those. (laughing) - I'll turn myself up, but like.

- Do me a favor, roll a bluff check. - No, no, no, no, no, no. Do I have to? - It's up to you. - I don't want to. - Okay, then don't. Okay, then it'll be, then it'll be one of those things where she, you know that customer service smile where it's like, I hate you, but it's my job to greet you. Like that type of, she's gonna go, oh, I'm sure. I'm sure however you look will be just fine. - Oh, what a cunt. (laughing) - God damn it. I just want to be like better than you bitch. But yeah, Una will like tighten her fist just a little bit, like enough for maybe Merrick or people who know her to like notice, but not anyone else.

- Right. - And just say, of course it will be, what was I thinking? Just counter with extra confidence I guess. - Right. - And she's just standing there like getting like tenser and tenser and she does not understand why. - Julie's enjoying the shit out of this, by the way, just to let you know, like this is like, if it, whatever the Therian equivalent to popcorn is, like that's like, it's like, delicious, like, yes. - I like how you said whatever the equivalent is when you're the person you would know. - Well. - It's goblin bones. - It's goblin bones. - It's got, it's bone dust is what it is.

- While this conversation is happening, I imagine Kaluna's like looking around. Is it an enclosed space? Because there is there. - Except for one door if I remember correctly. - Yeah, it's just like a big archway that eases out. Yeah. - Kaluna does not like that. They're just vague. - It's a larger enclosed space. It's not a huge space, but it's not like a tiny, tiny room. It's not like a coat check room or something. - You know, have you seen videos of dogs walking with mittens on their feet? - Yes. (laughing) - That's the kind of walk that Kaluna's going to have as they slowly, like as they're looking around, just like, nope, nope, nope, each step.

And they're just going to slowly make their way over to Merrick and then cling to him for dear life. - So this is a Kaluna's hell, right? This is. - Basically, yeah. - Okay, wait, when Santa sees that, she's going to like, it seems to just occur to her like, oh God, we're on the thing up here. Like, you know, 'cause it was like teleportation. You don't really, and then you're in an enclosed space. You don't think about it. Santa's eyes are going to light up and she's going to look to Merrick and go, can we go see the edge? - I think Merrick would actually- - And then she's going to look over to the bitch lady and be like, can we see the edge?

- The bitch lady. - Kaluna's going to cling even tighter to Merrick, like, no, can we not? - Merrick's going to immediately go, like he's going to have a look like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then he's going to quickly change that and look at Valenna. - Okay guys, that's like if you pass by the Grand Canyon, you don't stop, come on. - Hang on, wait, hang on. No, he's going to look like, oh God, no. And then he's going to look and it's going to shift really quick and he's going to be like, yeah, can we see the edge? - There's an observatory, yes, everyone.

It's sort of a tourist trap type of thing. Yes, there's, but the head researcher that you wish to see is in our sub basement. - That's like the opposite of what I wanted to do. - Right. - That was in character. - We are here for a particular reason. Let's talk to the head researcher and let's get all of that out of the way. And then I promise before we go, we can look over the edge, right? And he's going to look over at Valenna and be like, that sound reasonable? - She'll just nod. At this point, this is so much trouble for her. It's just like, yes. Most people is just like, enjoy your stay or you're here to learn about dogs or whatever.

It's like, nice, all right. That's, you know, row 412. - Luna, you should ask about the dog library. - The dog library. - I like that one. - So let's go to the head researcher. We got to stick together. We can't split up. And right now that's kind of primary. - Well, some of you need to split up. - Yeah, we do need to split up a little bit. - But, yeah, don't worry. Dusk Walker's office has a beautiful view. So it's. - Oh, oh, oh, Merrick's going to say, as they're at whatever, I'm assuming they're, they're being shown the way to the head researcher, maybe, or something like that.

- Yeah, there's. - Merrick is going to say to Una, "Do you want to join us when you're finished?" - Okay, Bree's freaking the fuck out, by the way. It's just like, and she's, okay. The entire time she's been very good about just try to keep it, like trying to keep her eyes from like, just that, that's like, no, I don't want this to happen. But like at that point, like it's that word vomit thing of like finished what? - Does anyone else picture like the scene from "Futurama" where Leela is called into Zat Brannigan's chamber when they're all like imprisoned?

And he's lying out on the bed with his crushed velour. - Care for some sham-pagon? - Yeah. - Oh my God. - Yeah, that one was, that was funny. - Watch "Futurama," Mac. Have you not done that yet? - Yeah, I watched it while you're playing, definitely. - There's only 12 seasons. We've been here for an hour and a half, like. - Yeah, Bree's very concerned. - She actually said finished what? - Yeah, like before she could stop herself, it's like instant regret. It's like, she doesn't want to be that person, but at the same time, it's like, what do you mean finished what?

Like finished with what? - And it's gonna like bite her lip for a second, like fuck. - I'm just gonna give Bree one of those very like relaxed, elegant, sexy kind of glances and just say, just finished. And like trying to convey, like, don't worry about it. - Okay, here's what we're gonna do, because that's just, that's just, just you guys communicating through eyes. What we're gonna do is have Bree roll perception. - Oh God. - Or actually, you know what, we can do insight. We can do insight. - All right, insight's fair, I guess. I'm not sure what she's gonna do.

- Which is slightly higher. - Okay. Okay. No. - That's gonna, like, she's, it's like, what, okay. What Bree's gonna see is you give her kind of like sexy eyes and it's like, when I'm finished. Like it's more innuendo. Like it's more like. - This is so much worse than I expected. - So her eyes are gonna go wide, like. - Oh, Merrick is gonna make a face? - Like he's really taken aback. Like what? I don't know, I don't understand. (laughing) Like I thought it was nothing. I don't, I don't know. - Julie continues to eat popcorn. - Santos is just thoroughly confused.

Like she thought she had a lock on this whole thing. Like, oh, those two are dating, I got it. But now like this third person's been thrown in. She doesn't, she doesn't know what's going on anymore. - Yeah, I don't know either. - This is my favorite thing. - Are we going opposite directions or can I like walk at them for a little bit? - It's getting to the point where you guys got to split up now. - So like right before she runs off, I guess, to go the opposite direction, she'll like, she'll like squeeze Bree's, like she doesn't want to squeeze her hand 'cause she doesn't want to seem like, like she doesn't want to give anybody like tip offs that they're dating.

So she'll just like kind of squeeze her arm, like really gently and just say, seriously, don't worry. Like, and like the seriously will be super light, but the don't worry is going to be like, really don't worry. - Gotcha. Okay, let's roll insight. - God damn it. Hopefully it's a little bit more. - Yeah. Okay, that's a little better. Like, okay. That one, it's going to be more like, like seriously don't worry. Like it's going to, it's, that's going to hit her. It's like, okay. Like still not exactly understanding like what is gonna, like what's going to happen or what's the, like, okay, I'm okay.

I'm going to trust you. Like that type of thing. - Okay. Okay, cool. I guess I'll just be at go separate ways then. - How's about we follow the group first, then we'll catch up with Una. - Okay. - So you're going to be led down a series of, of hallways and stuff. And as you're, as you're traveling, it starts at this really open kind of Plaza type thing. And then like gradually it, it sort of funnels down and it's like, and we're going to go down some stairs now. And, and then, and then essentially the, the person leading you is going to be like, all right, it's just down this other set of stairs.

The person you're looking for is Emerson Luxford. That is our head researcher. Just do you, do you want me to take you the rest of the way or just? - No, we got it. No, no, this is great. Thank you so much for your help. He looks in his pocket for a $5 bill. - Okay. This guy is going to be like kind of perplexed, like, oh, thank you. - He just, he tips him because he doesn't know what he's supposed to do, but he does give him like a centerpiece or something. - Uminero is actually a really cool place where they pay everyone minimum wage. So people don't have to make their money from tipping, which is an evil system anyway.

So he's confused, but appreciates it. - No one spell casting for food. Like, no. (both laughing) - Quick question. - Yes. - As the group is moving along, do they get stared at? - A little, yeah. Like all visitors, like, okay. Not in the open area, like that first place. Cause like there's people of like all kinds of like, you know, backgrounds and all that stuff. But then you get to the lesser touched areas, like the, so the place you're heading down now, like you're getting into like mustier books and like scrolls and stuff like that. And then you're getting ready to go down a set of stairs that it's just, it's sort of torch lit and like, it's very kind of not dark, but very, it's very mood lit.

And like at this point people are like, all right, okay, you're weird looking. - The fuck is this? - Yeah, you're weird looking. Like who are you? Like that type of thing. - Yeah, anytime that Kaluna like perceives someone as looking at them, even if it's not like significant, just like, oh, hey, there's a poster on the wall and it happens behind you, it's whatever. Kaluna's going to like tense up, no, no. Don't look at me, no. Just clearly incredibly uncomfortable. - Well, the two of you who would get the most stairs would be Kaluna and then Orton. Part of this is racism.

So Kaluna, it's just cause- - You don't say. - Well, okay, here's the thing with Kaluna, it's just like, well, you look weird. Let me, let me, oh, okay. I've heard some things about Wild Unkept. I want to ask you 10,000 questions and pick at you and just like, what happens if I touch this? Does this, do you feel that? There's that. With Orton, it's straight racism. It's like- - The fuck is a dwarf doing? - Yeah, what are you doing here? What are you going to read? Dwarf? Like that type of, it's very, it's racist. It's flat out racist. That's what it is. Orton is probably drawing a little bit of attention to himself anyway, because he's nervous as hell.

So he's like, like his gaze is jerking up, down, left, right. Like he's walking backwards at points. He's like- - Oh yeah. - It's, he is out of his element and it shows completely. - If Kaluna noticed, they would absolutely like, they would let go of Merrick and they would, and they would like sort of buddy up with Orton. Like, it's okay. It's okay. We're both terrified. It's fine. They would demand to hold his hand though. It's non-negotiable. - I suppose, I suppose he would take it, but at the same time, he's still doing this rotation thing. So at points he has to like switch your hand.

Cause he's like- - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Kaluna would be on board, but like after he did it, like once or twice, they'd be like, oh, that's smart. Oh, okay. Let's do that. - Yeah. That won't draw attention. (laughing) You guys, you guys doing this choreographed ballet of like hand holding, like position switch. It like, it's very like, so yeah, that gets you a couple of stairs. It's just like, oh, that's weird. Like that, that- - I think it wouldn't even register in Kaluna's mind that like, oh, this is a weird thing. Cause they're already so frazzled.

- Right. So yeah, so that they led you to this set of stairs and that that's, that, that leads you to, yeah, researcher Luxford. Down the stairs, I'm guessing? - Yeah. Yeah. - Okay. - Sorry. Yes. Yes. Pictures, yes. - So going down these stairs, you're gonna, it kind of funnels out into this huge room. And there are bookcases, just, just massive bookcases that stretch many, many, many feet into the sky. And there are, there are ladders and stuff set up to, to grab things. But there are more books in this room than any of you have ever seen in your entire lives.

Julie's immediately gonna start perking up. Like, ooh, like the very like, oh, okay. I'm, I'm paying attention now. You have my interest. Bree's not really thinking about anything that's happening in this room. So yeah, just, just kind of staring off. (chuckles) And eventually kind of wandering through the, it's like, you can very much hear your own footsteps. Like it's, it's, it's echoey and, and very quiet. Eventually you're gonna hear a voice call out from, from way in the back. I'm back here. Head that way. - Is that the librarian from the page master?

- I've never seen the page master. I don't know. - Okay. - Gee. - I do know that Merrick is very aware of where Thanatos is right now. - Damn it. (laughs) - Fool me six times, Shamoy. (laughs) - Right. - All right, so she's, she's still like looking around and shit, like touching things, but she'll be near. - Right. - And it's books, mostly books down here, so. - And Ordon would like to kind of try to read some, some of the spines as we're going by. Like what, what are these books look like? - In, it runs the gamut. Like since you, like there, there, there are many, many different topics.

What, what it looks like down here though, is old books, like real, like we're talking, some of these are probably, you know, hundreds, if not maybe, you know, more like, like very least hundreds of years old. And these are very much like they're kept in pristine condition. Like they are guarded for lack of a better term down here. - Okay. - And there's a, there's a desk set up back here and there are random, you know, papers and scrolls and stuff. And you're going to see this disheveled looking gentleman who appears to be at least partially elven, like maybe half elf, something like that.

Old though, older, we're talking real old. And you're going to get the sense that maybe, actually, you know what, do me a favor, roll perception, just to see how much of this you're going to pick up. Oh wow. So kind of getting the sense that maybe this guy's been down here for a long time alone. So maybe his, yeah. So his mannerisms are a little like a little odd, little, you know, not, not, he does not smell. No, it's nothing, it's nothing like that. Like he's, he's got this longer beard, but he like trims it. It's nice. Like he's, he's, he's not, he's not hideous or anything like that.

Just, you know, if you work alone long enough, or let's say you've been unemployed for a while and you just kind of like, who am I getting dressed up for? That type of thing. Like it's, it's that. And as you, as you approach him, what can I help you with? - Maric's going to reach out his hand and say, I'm Maric. - You're Emerson, is that right? - That's correct. And he's going to stand up and reach a hand out. - Great. Thank you so much for having us here. We're looking for some information at this point. I'm not sure if this is like where I could say exposition dump, but carefully, like I don't want to give everything away, but I certainly want to be able to say, you know, we're looking for stuff about demons.

We're looking for stuff about gods, but mostly we're looking for stuff about something called the blood moon. And we're looking for things about seals, all of that stuff, but without getting into all of the real specifics. - The nitty gritty, more like, you know, something they would have in terms of like locations and like the second temple, like all that stuff. - All of that. Yeah. All that stuff. Just like, like a bunch of random questions that, that I don't want, I don't want to give the whole story such that it's just all threaded together, but just more like, there's a lot of things we really want to find out about.

There's some stories we've heard and we're just adventurers. Right? This is the goal. This is the angle. We're adventurers and we're really looking for, for something to make our name, you know, and, and so there's a bunch of stuff and a bunch of leads that we're looking into. And we're just wondering if there's anything here or if you can help us get to that information somehow. - Okay. So he's gonna, he's gonna kind of sit back and take all this in and, and when you, when you reach the, when you reach the end, well, that is quite the tale. I'm not exactly sure how much I can provide you and your group of actual importance, but I have several hundred religious texts that I could cycle through and perhaps bring you something a little more relevant than your common hearsay.

And you can tell there's a bit of disdain in his voice for religion as a whole, just like, yeah, yeah. You're looking for fairytale stuff. Gotcha. And that's kind of the angle. - I hear that you made that your life's work. - Well, it's, it, see, that's the thing. It's not just the religious thing. It's, it's, it's, it's, okay. There's a hierarchy in Umineiro about like, and the religious stuff is down the, down the line. Like it's more like, okay, what can we touch and see? And like, what can I, what is there proof of? And we're going to study that stuff first.

And then it's like, and religion is down here somewhere. Like that's kind of where they look at it. Not that it's not worth studying because it's like, all legends and, and fairytales and myths should be, should be chronicled in some capacity. We don't want to lose any knowledge, but it's not exactly like it's going to save any lives. - So Meriquid, you know, like that, that sounds absolutely fantastic. Whatever you could do to point us in that direction, or if you can work through something, where should we set up? We haven't actually been here before and haven't really gone through this.

What's the protocol here? - This could take a while. You understand? There are some tables you and your group can sit down at. And I'll bring you some books and we can all have a look, but is there something that you'd like me to prioritize over all of this? - I don't know if there's anything, I don't know, just to randomly pick something, I guess it would be how to stop demons from breaking through a seal. That maybe would be something to prioritize. Again, randomly. - Shot in the dark. - That's going to get a little eyebrow raise, like, huh. And he's going to, he's going to have a seat here.

- Is he going to do the old man, like, - Oh yeah, oh, definite noise. - Sitting down hurts. - There's a definite, yeah, that's just like, like that definitely like the phrase take a load off that applies to this guy. Like not that he's heavy. It's just like standing hurts. Like just that kind of, it's very that. - My clothes are heavy. - Oh, why do they make robes with this thread count? - Kaluna will definitely look concerned whenever he just, - Yeah, it's not like, it's not a violent, like his bones are trying to escape. It's more like, like it's like a relief.

- They're still, they're still like, that's not, that's not what would happen. That's not normal, but they're also not going to say anything. - Mr. I'm sorry, I forgot what your name was. - Merrick is fine. - Merrick, why do I get the sense that you're looking for something much more specific than what you're letting on? I don't think that all of this is hypothetical to you. It's not exactly like we're along most people's way. It's you had to come here with a specific purpose of seeking this place out. Most people don't bother. - Emerson, you've, you've been around the block.

I imagine, you know, being part of all of this and all of this knowledge. I, I'm going to level with you. I don't know if there's a way for Merrick to sit somewhere or to be closer or something like that. This may not be hypothetical and you're right. You're an extremely astute man. He's at this point, he's, I mean, it's not completely fake, but he's really buttering him up. He just wants to make sure that he, he, he's on our side, right? - Right. - Like, like he's like very clever. You're right. This may not be hypothetical. And the truth is, I don't know what to believe, but there's a possibility that there's something happening soon.

Exposition, exposition, exposition. - Right. Okay. So the full story, basically. - The full story, but just enough to give the thread. I don't, I don't want to talk about like, you know, that a scion has to die and all of that. I don't want to talk about the stuff that we know. I want to talk about it as that we know nothing except for the fact that this needs to happen. Basically what I'm looking to do is see what we can fill in the gaps with, and then also what we can get corroborated. So what I don't want to do is skip anything. So I don't want to tell him like, we already know this and this and this, because that may not be true.

Right? So just skipping those, those bits. - And this would be a thing like, while you're telling this, he lights up a little bit like, okay, that's, that's a little more interesting than just, you know, well, you see that, that does help me out. It won't be as if I'm wasting my time. I can find much more specific text. - Well, we're certainly not here to waste your time. So whatever you can do, we appreciate. - I don't suppose that you would have any proof of any of this happening. And he's kind of racking his mind like anything to corroborate the story.

- Merrick's going to give him the quick version of the library in the mountains and the bubble, right? Of the bubble of Darmok, whatever that would be called, right? This, this cap, this hell mouth, and the overall idea about Darmok's power and just enough to give him whatever he needs to be able to understand that this is, this is firsthand now. - Mr. Merrick, let's assume that I don't think you're completely insane. I don't get much excitement down here as you could imagine. So I am going to research this with the specifics that you've given me. And please understand that while I do wish to help you out, should all of this be completely true, I don't expect it to be.

You understand? - Completely. Julie's going to reach into her pack and without a word, she's going to take out the half of the Vecna relic and sort of place it on the table and just sort of like, just sort of with her eyes is like that shit. Like that's like, there's your proof. There you go. Um, you want to catch up? How about we catch up with Una? How about we do that? - No, it's fine. I'm having fun listening. - No, no, I, we're being rude, honestly, at this point. - No. Did I just hear someone shudder? (laughs) - So the area that Una is being led to is much fancier, like way fancier.

And there are a lot of nice offices here and stuff. And Una is going to be led to the door of a particularly nice office, like double doors. Like this is, this is some fancy digs. And the guy's just pretty much going to sort of wave at the door. It's like, here you go. - All right. Here we go. I guess Una will like knock, I'm guessing. Like, I'm not sure. Like, is it like clearly like this is an entrance way? You just walk in or is it like? - Yeah. It's more like an office type thing. And you know, you're being expected. - Okay. All right. Then she'll just, yeah, she'll walk in.

- On the other side of this office, like walking in, like this is a nice big place. There's a fireplace. There's, I mean, this is, this is nice. There's kind of leather chairs sitting there and Aladdin would be smoking a pipe, sort of wearing, like his, his, his fancy robes, like the nice stuff. Like he's, he's clearly trying to impress. - He's smoking a fucking pipe. I just imagined him like leaning on one of those chairs. Oh, hello. Exactly. - Do me a favor, roll perception. - Oh, why is your voice getting like that? - Gorgeous. Gorgeous. 30. So you're okay.

Taking all of this in at once. I can't imagine it would make Una comfortable. Cause again, okay. It's a nice big office, but it's still kind of an enclosed space with this creep. A very, very powerful creep, by the way. - Yeah. - And he is going to light up, like do that momentary light up thing. It's like, oh, hi. And then just trying to like, just try and play it off a little cool. Like just like, oh, I didn't just light up, whatever. You lit up. - You lit up. - Wait, we never actually like, I don't remember. You probably described him like years ago at this point.

But like, what does he look like? - Well, he's elven, first of all. - Okay. Not bad. All right. - Yeah. - He's like some gross old man. - No, no. I mean, he's older. He's an older, he's an older gentleman, but like he doesn't look. - Yeah, Silver Fox. - Yeah. Like very, yeah. So he's not an ugly dude. - Not that it makes it better, but it doesn't make it worse. - Right. It's not like, yeah. He's just like, no, he's very, like he's a very put together gentleman. - Okay. - And he's going to cross the room to walk up towards you. You cut your hair. - Oh my God. She's got like a fucking mohawk.

Oh God. Oh God. What do you even say to that? Like, yup, I did. (laughing) Like, what the fuck do you say? There will be a momentary flash of panic where it's like, what the fuck do you say to that? But then she'll just kind of like, just run her hand kind of through it. I don't know how she styled it to make it look nice. I'm assuming it's kind of flopped down, like kind of on one side. So it's kind of like the half shaved head thing. I'm guessing, I don't know. And she'll say, do you like it? - Well, I was a fan of it before, but this does have a certain rustic charm.

And he's going to try and give you like, like that God I'm clever smile. - Oh God. - And he's going to reach out for your hand. - Well, I guess this is what I signed up for, kinda. I don't want to take anybody's hand. I want to like, I want to like look if there's something. Okay, what did my perception check tell me? Like I want to like kind of look around the room and see if there's something that's like nearby me that I could pick up that would make sense to like. - Well, near the door, not much. Honestly, across the room, it's like this, this gorgeous wooden desk.

It's this huge thing, kind of like too big, honestly. It's like, do you really need all that desk in your office? It's clearly just a status symbol. And like two leather chairs on the opposite end of it. And then his nice little office chair type thing. And he's got like an inking quill set and ready to go. And then there's this gorgeous couch. - Oh God, of course. Okay, okay, you know what? Fuck it, no more description. She'll just take, she'll just let him take her hand. - Okay. - Yeah. - So he's going to take on his hand and then just, like he's going to, he's going to, yeah, he's going to kiss the hand and then not letting go of the hand sort of lead her to the couch.

- Fantastic. - You must be exhausted from your journey. Please have a seat. - Ugh, ugh. She'll say thank you. I'm like not, not saying like, oh yes, I'm so tired. You know, like nothing like that. She'll just, a polite thank you and sit down, but clearly sit down like where it's like she's angling her legs a little bit. So like he can't sit right next to her. You know, I'm sure girls, you know what I'm talking about. - And he's going to, he's going to sit down. He's going to sit down like as near as he can without it being just like move those legs. Like he's just, like he's going to sit down like, still uncomfortably close.

- I must say it is so good to see you again. Thank you for taking the time to visit me. I'm sorry they were giving you such a hard time about the weapon protocol. You understand though, we can't be too careful up here. There are many who are jealous of our way of life. She'll just kind of like, like listen to this little, like this like creepy, like silken voice, like a monologue. And she'll say, well, I really do appreciate you letting me keep my weapon. I understand that people like me can be seen as a serious threat. And it's just, it's very comforting to know that I have it on hand at all times.

It is, you know, a serious part of who I am. Just like I have a weapon. I've got a weapon on me at all times. (laughing) - Of course, it's mostly looked down upon here just because, well, I don't need to tell you this, but how primitive it is. It's just a blunt force weapon, you understand. - What a little bitch. All right, well, she's like, fuck, I want to make this kind of sexual. So I'm just going to say, well, I think sometimes, you know, you're mages with your books, you might get lost in the intellectual and forget about the physical. - He's going to outstretch an arm and put it on the back of the couch.

- God, damn it. I shouldn't have escalated, I shouldn't have escalated. - Oh, believe me, I very rarely forget the physical. - That was a mistake. That was such a mistake. (laughing) He's going to show you his blunt force weapon. (laughing) Okay, how to get this in the direction of shit I want. Okay, so say, well, as much as I appreciate that in a man, I should give him kind of like a side smile. I was actually wondering if you could answer a couple of questions for me. See, I found this object and, you know, honestly, as a paladin, we don't have much training with this sort of thing.

And I was wondering, thinking to myself, who's the smartest person I know? And I mean, though our interaction was brief, you came to mind rather easily. - Do you have any favorite roles in diplomacy, Jack? Do I get a plus for flirting? - Oh yes, oh yeah, you get the plus, yeah. - Three, that's not great, but it is a 20. - Yeah, it's, yeah. You definitely didn't insult him, like it's not, yeah. - Yeah, that plus 17, huh, huh? (laughing) Increasingly desperate? - He's going to, he's, oh boy. You know that thing, that fake modesty thing with your hand that's like, you kind of touch your own chest, it's like, oh.

- Like that, yeah. - Yeah. I'm sure I'm not the smartest person that you know, but I am flattered nonetheless. - So she'll just get up very gracefully, not like jumping off the couch, like she's trying to get away, like very gracefully, kind of brush his leg with hers as she's getting up, just like very, very close, you know, but extremely subtle. And she'll go over to his desk and she'll draw the, the object, the thing. And then still standing at the desk, turn around and kind of hand it to him. I'm not sure how far away the couch is, is that possible?

- It's few, yeah. - Okay, so yeah, she'll take like a step or whatever the fuck and just hand it to him and say, could you set your big, beautiful mind on this? He's going to take that from you and sort of look this over. I almost want to have Una roll a check to see how well she draws. - Oh, what would that be? - I don't know. A dexterity check, give me a dexterity check. - Oh no, no, please. - It doesn't have to be astronomical. I just want to get a sense of like how, like on a scale of like crayon drawing to like, amazingly. - All right. - Okay, that's good.

- 14, so 20 total, that's not bad. - Yeah, so canonically, Una can draw pretty well. - All right. - Now we know that about her. - See, when that comes in handy again. - You never know, man. So he's going to be like, he'll be studying this and stuff. It was a nasty bit of business in Winterhaven. I'm sorry that our interaction was so brief. You understand though, I had business to attend to. Just sort of making polite small talk while he's looking this over. - Okay, I can tell you're a very important man and I am sorry for taking up so much of your time. It's quite an honor for me.

- Not at all, the honor is all mine. - Where did you say you found this object? - She's not going to say Temple of Vecna. But she'll say, my sister and I, we were just tramping around the Ivory Peaks and happened to find a room with this in it. - And you're sure about this? Like he's kind of like straightening up. - Oh God, I really hope this is not a bad idea telling him this. I'm just saying, yes, I'm pretty positive about it. - Oona, please have a seat next to me here. - All right, she'll go sit down. She'll do the leg thing again. - Now, I don't know how familiar you would be with an object like this, and he's going to put his hand on your knee.

If this is what I think it is, what you found could be astoundingly powerful, or at the very least, an object we would love to study here, do you have it on you? - Say, look, I understand that it's powerful and it kind of ties into a lot of the other things going on right now, but no, I don't have it with me. - That's a shame. But what I could do is give you some more information on it, and he's going to, the best way I could put this is stroking your knee with his palm like in a downward motion, almost like a cat. Ugh, yeah. I could give you some more information over this, but it's lengthy.

(groaning) God damn it. In character, just jumps out the window. - I picture you saying-- - I feel like in character you should almost gag, but just then cover it up with a (giggles) - Oh my God, fucking chat going nuts. - And then he's going to continue, perhaps to take some of the boredom out of it, we could have dinner and I could discuss it further. - Can I do a, can I do like a perception check to see if like, I guess I'd probably have to find this out in conversation, but like, a perception check to see if he's got any like, Lady on Lady erotica around his office or something, something where I could like, some way to like bring Bree in on this so I'm not totally alone.

- So you basically want to check his office for porn while you're sitting there. - I just like glance around and see if he maybe might be into that, I don't know. - Go ahead. - I don't wanna do this. - Go ahead and roll a perception, I mean. - Okay, we'll see. 21, all right. - Not that Una's seeing, like it's a very well decorated office, but very professional. This is his office, not his living quarters. And you know, unless he had some errot internet tabs open that he didn't, he didn't realize before you walked in. - All right, I guess I'm in. - And he's gonna, he's maybe gonna see the hesitation.

I understand that you came here with a party and this is some sensitive information. I would like to just give this to you alone, but I would be more than happy to set up an arrangement with your group. They can have a lovely dinner in the eating quarters and they would be fed very well. - And she'll just like give him a big smile and say, "That sounds lovely. "You know how it is when you're with someone "for a long time, you get attached and it's hard "to see them running off on their own. "I like to keep an eye on my friends." Like she's gonna pause right before she says, "Uh, like, it's just like, Bree's not really a friend.

"She's more of like love, but like the inner head, "just like some mental calculation." And then it's like, "No, just say friends, "just say friends, dammit." - Well, I don't mean to come off as pompous when I say this, but I never eat in the common quarters. I was hoping perhaps you and I could have dinner in a more private location. Your friends would be well taken care of though, I assure you. - Okay, so yeah, she'll nod and just say, "That sounds lovely." I just, she's like, it's like, this is like where it's like, the guilt is like hitting her, where it's like, "Oh fuck, like you're like kind of "treating on your girlfriend by like having "a romantic dinner with some other guy." Like seducing him for information, tolerable having dinner with him.

But she'll say, "Yeah, that sounds lovely. "I'm looking forward to it." And it's a little forced, but probably not perceptibly. - It has been so long since I've had company for dinner and I wanna thank you for that, Una. I promise you it'll be an evening that you'll never forget. - So she'll stand up to like, I was like, this is kind of like, "Okay, I'm out till dinner then." Kind of like motion. I gotta say something polite though, fuck. What do you say to creeps like this? - You're such a nice guy. - I love being friends with you. So yeah, I guess she'll just stand up and say, "I'm sure I will remember it forever." And just like a tiny little bit of gritting the teeth, but it looks like it's a smile.

- I hope you don't mind me saying this. I don't wanna offend you, of course, in any way, but this is a more formal setting. Perhaps I can send something over that you could wear that isn't so armored. - Oh, you mean with so many barriers. Okay, awesome. Yeah, fuck it. Thank you so much. I do love getting out of my armor once in a while. - I had a feeling you might. I'll have someone send over something fit for the occasion. - Why do you go, "F-f-fit?" (both laughing) - The entire time he's saying that last bit, he's eyeing you up and down. Like he's measuring you with his eyes.

I know you wanna get back to your friends though. - Why? I don't wanna be too selfish and take up all of your time. - It's so hard to come up with like polite and like not shitty ways to just be like, "Yeah, I'm out, bro, see ya." Should say, "Well, thank you so much for the time. I look forward to dinner later." - And he's going to walk up to him and he's going to reach for the hand again. - All right, yeah, she'll give him the hand. - Mm-hmm. (groaning) - No. - I'll see you in a few hours. In the meantime, I'm going to get all of the research that I have on this very interesting item that you've brought.

I don't doubt that you'll find all of this riveting. - See, she won't say anything. - She'll just give him like a big winning smile, the most charming possible smile, just because she's so fucking happy to be getting out of there. So it comes across as really genuine. - Right. - Then she'll just kind of like, just like turn on her heels and just sway out, I guess. - Okay, when you say sway, are you making a show of it or is it just like- - It's subtle. - Okay, classy. - You're looking at my armored butt, that's fine. - Okay, he's gonna let you leave. Guys, I feel like it's a good time for us to stop because next time what we're gonna do is we're gonna have that researcher talk to you some more.

But what we're also gonna do is we're gonna let you explore the city a bit. - Yes. - You're gonna have dinner. - Oh my God. - Yes. - Una is gonna go through a little skill check challenge. - No. - It was so good up until then, everything sounded cool. - Yes, it sounds awesome, rad as fuck, oh shit. - I wanna find a magic toy shop. Can we find a magic toy shop? Is that a thing? - Oh my God, please. - Children, yeah, children live here. - Totally. - Yeah. - Can we, can Fantas get like a magic yo-yo or something, please, it is a lot like. - Can Kaluna live in the toy shop?

- What's amazing is we never get to explore Minyura, I'm so glad and this is, this is. - This is gonna be good. 'Cause it's still like, you know, mid-afternoon, right? - Yeah. - Ish, something like that. So we've got a few hours before dinner. - Yeah, literally, like you got a few hours to kill before dinner. - Yes. - I'm excited about that. - I can't, guys, can I just fucking say I cannot wait, cannot wait for this. Like just, okay, the series of events, like going, okay, Una going back to the party and explaining what's going on, that little conversation I'm guessing is gonna happen with Bree, that dinner later on that night, you guys getting to just walk around the city and check stuff out, see the sights, like this could be, this is gonna be really, really fun.

Look over the edge, look over the edge. - Push someone over the edge. - Jump off the edge. - I hope you guys had fun. - This is awesome. - Edge with Dust Blocker, I'm sorry, that was a little bit late. - Edge with Dust Blocker. - Oh no. - I'm glad to make it finally to Umineiro, it feels like it's been too much since we were on our way. - Yeah. Sorry it took so long. - No, no, no, no, I'm not complaining. - I've wanted to go to Umineiro since like, I started playing this game. - Yeah, I know, that's how I feel. - And of course the character I wanted to see, Umineiro, I'm not playing her.

- Okay, will you guys get to the stacks and stuff like that? I'm like, wish Jett's here. - Yeah. - You know what's good about this though is, like I assume Santos is gonna be like, oh man, look at all these bright colors. Oh my God, let's go look at that thing. Let's look at that thing. Let's look at that thing. - Yeah. - Like you start asking her like, don't front off by yourself, then she's gonna start going, okay, we're going over here now. - So you can go to the bookstore and get some stuff for Jadzia. - Yeah. - I was actually thinking, yeah, like, yeah, like a bookmark or something.

- My friends went to Umineiro and all I got was this shitty t-shirt. - Oh, there we go. There's a new one. So I don't know when we're playing next, but. - Tomorrow, right? - Tomorrow, okay. - I thought we said the summer. - I thought we, Izzy, you might wanna steal yourself. - Okay. - He's gonna lay it on thick. - Excellent, all right. - Just a real thick coat in. - Just. (laughing) - Jesus Christ. - It's gonna be, he's gonna lay it on everywhere. - Bring us out. - Is it too late to get a chastity belt commissioned? (laughing) - Oh boy, this could be, this is gonna be fun.

I can't wait to see what happens. - I love this. - I love all of this. - This is all so good. - Do you know what this is though? This is karma. - Yeah. - Is it? - Yeah, it is, yep, that's fair. - 'Cause, for a while in the show, sort of like flirted her way. - This is basically her version of, "I've been a bad, bad girl." (laughing) - 'Cause there's still, there's still a little guy. - Dude. - Who's waiting for a date. - Oh my God, I was reading through the forums, and I found a thing where there was supposed to be a triple date with Greg. - Yep. - I forgot all about it, oh my God.

- Oh wow. ♪ I've been careless with some delicate men ♪ I had to make it plural because you're such a whore, Izzy. - Awesome. (laughing) - I do, like there is something really beautiful about the fact that you used to do that all the time, and then you started going steady, and you were like, "No, I'm never doing it again." So much so that you forgot you had it. - Like, oh God. - That's really sweet, actually. Well, sorry, sorry that happened. That's not gonna get-- - I'm not, this is the best. (laughing) - I just, I hope listeners, if they're still listening to this point in the fucking episode, even if they're not, I hope they had fucking fun listening to that shit.

- Yeah. - Because otherwise, there's no goddamn point to it. It's just agony. - That was beautiful. Izzy, sometimes you made it, like more than once, you made it so much worse, like-- - Yeah, but like-- - I like to get out of my armor sometimes. Like, stop, that's your fault now, you're doing this. - I know, but like, you gotta toe the line, and it's hard. - Oh, the physical line. - I don't wanna know. - You know what else is hard? (laughing) - Quit. - It's a disc, it's made of hardwood. - You're just stuck on, yeah, you're stuck on the, you're still in your mind thinking about the context here.

- I like that desperate grab of like, is there girl and girl porn sitting around that I could-- - I think that just made it better. - Just mentioning that like, oh, you know, I've got a person in my life, a lady, and like, I don't know, it was just like-- - She's a wonderful company. - You might like having her around. - She's a gals pal, some might say. - You look like you have a little magic in you. - Can I invite my girlfriend, like just out of the blue? - Yeah, maybe. - You could. - You could, you wanna get all the information? - It might be a little withholding for you.

- Yeah, that's the thing though, like, I really want this information. I thought it might be a bad idea to tell him, I was like worried, like, oh fuck, maybe he's just gonna take this and be like, power grab? But-- - It all depends on how, here's the thing, it all kind of depends on what kind of person you think he is, like is it-- - I think he wants to impress people. I think that's what like-- - Could be? - That's what I'm going for, like, I think that he wants to like, show how awesome he is. And like, oh, like, I've got all this information, like, let me just overwhelm you with my knowledge.

And like, you know, I think he's the kind of guy where it's like, if you talk back to them, like, with the level or higher intelligence, then they're talking to you, then they get uncomfortable. I think he's that kind of guy. - You might not be wrong. You might not be wrong. Oh my god, this is gonna be so much fun next time. - Oh god, I've met this guy in real life, so this is not great. - I think a lot of us have met this guy in real life, sadly. - I used to be this guy. - Ah, well, I'm gonna let you guys go. Thank you so much for sitting down. That was a fucking blast.

And I can't wait till the next session. - Thanks everybody. - Thank you for suffering with me. - See you. - Thank you guys. - Bye. - Bye. - Hey everyone, I hope you enjoyed the episode. Please remember to go to the website at daanddrapodcast.com. Check out the Wiki and stuff, it's all on there and go to the forums. Or if you want to support Jason and Brie with money, go to patreon.com/daanddr. Give them all of the money, give them all of it. I don't care if you lose your house, do it. Give them the money. But if you don't want to lose your house for some stupid reason, I don't know why, go to iTunes, leave a review.

Hopefully five stars, unless you hate us, in which case, please don't. Also, be sure to go to the forums and get hyped for episode 200. That's coming up soon. Yeah. Fuck.