Date Night

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[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Last time in our thrilling saga, Jason and Rekka Morgan were both running toward the Black Sword, knowing that if the Necromancer were to possess a museum replica's limited weapon, they would forever be in a stalemate. I got it! Good job! Damn you, Jason! Well, if you hadn't stopped running when the announcers started, you might have gotten it first.

This is perfect! Now we can defeat Rekka and save the world! Aren't you forgetting something, little girl? Okay, first of all, don't be sexist. You're better than that. Second, oh no! There is Chronobulator! Yes! With this, I can go back in time and prepare for you! Never get past the front door, and once I'm rid of you meddling kids, I'll be able to take over the world and reign as the Supreme Lord and Master of it! Dude, who hurt you? I... what? Yeah, man. Where's all this baggage coming from? Oh. I... no one ever asked. Well, we are now, Mr. Morgan. Why are you so angry?

It all started when I was a boy. I lived in a small town. We had a farm. I had a little puppy dog named Snickerdoodle. All I wanted in the whole wide world was a real museum replica's limited weapon. Any of them! I loved them all so much! So beautiful and finely crafted! Well, that's completely reasonable. And the prices are incredibly competitive for the quality. That's what I told my parents! But they never listened! They just sent me to Gary. Who's Gary? He was the local blacksmith. And a big jerk! He would tell my parents his weapons were just as good! Even though they never came close to the same quality!

All of his swords broke! That's when I decided to get him back! And the whole world! You know, Gary sounds like a butthead. He was! A huge butthead! But look around you! You have so many gorgeous museum replica's limited pieces here! Do you really need to take over the world? Well, now that you mention it, I have robbed a lot of puppy orphanage to get this much. Or you could just start going to their website. I have a code! You can get 10% off your order. Yeah, or that! But I'm still so mad at Gary! Then go kill Gary! And leave the rest of the world out of it! Brilliant!

I actually never thought of that. So, um... Can we have our wrist chronobulator back now, please? Oh, yeah, sure. Here, take it. I have everything I need now! You can even keep the black sword. I'll just get another one using the code "Faria Turnet Checkout"! Yes! We can finally go home! Thank you, Mr. Necromancer Man! We'll miss you! Bye! Let's do that thing! We'll be going around the table when they do this ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, start with Eric! I'm Eric, and I play Ordan Kingshield, Dwarven Knight. And Mack. Hi, I'm Mack, and I play Kaluna Volgaris, the Wild and Shaman.

And Bree! Hi, I'm Brianna, I play Thanatos, a Gisrai Sion. She is about 5'5" tall, age 15, and she's a Leo. If you want to get that joke, you should watch the behind the scenes. Oh god, is that going in behind the scenes? JASPER? Hey, this is Jasper, I play Merrick Ethelred, Human Cleric, and Merrick Ethelred's mustache. And Izzy! Hi, I'm Izzy, and I play Uno, the Half-elf Paladin. So we're off to a great start tonight. This is good. Guys, last time on the show, you made it to the city of Umenyiro! And while you were not exactly welcome with open arms right off the bat, after one of you pulled some strings...

Among other things. We'll see, we'll see. Someone has information, let's see how far you'll go to get it. Is it a casting couch situation? Spell casting couch. I think we're done. That's it. None of us are topping that. So obviously, a Lannan Duskwalker is still very much hung up on Una. Una obviously made a lasting impression in Winterhaven the last time they spoke. And being as how he is not only an Archmage, but pretty much the guy who runs the show in the city... That is a great foot in the door for the party. You guys were ushered off to one of the head researchers there in Emerson Luxford.

So while the party was dealing with him, Una went and visited Elin. Now obviously Bree had some reservations about this whole thing and it was kind of played up for laughs. But for the most part, she is not cool with this guy wanting to get all handsy. So we'll see what happens with that. Una was invited to a dinner later on this evening. And that's pretty much where we stopped. So let's pick things up. Just a little bit later. I would say Una would find the party and rejoin them here. So what would you guys like to do? I have a question. Where are we at this point?

Did we get sort of... Have we gotten to the point of having quarters or something like that because of the research that's being done? Or are we just hanging out for today and we might need to see if we can find a place to stay? It was mostly just visiting the city and hanging out. Like you guys didn't rent rooms or anything like that. As far as you guys know, I believe, it was just like, "Let's just make a day trip to Uminiro and see what we can get." Yeah, that's what it felt like. We could probably get some comp rooms if it's like, "Hey, is there some place for my companions to like, rent?" Well, there's some place for them to rest and there's a place for you to rest.

This is not going to end until it's over. Yeah, we'll see how dinner goes, honestly. So dinner's going to happen in a few hours or so? Yeah, a few hours. So we've got some time, but we don't really have a place to put our stuff or anything like that. Maybe we could put it at the concierge, like in a safe or something, but we just have to hang out. First of all, I want to go look over the edge at some point, just to see how high up we are. Oh, there's absolutely an observatory. Yeah, I mean, I want to go--Merrick wants to be able to say that he's done that.

Yeah, let's go do like, kind of like a little tour yesterday. Let's go walk to the edge. Yeah! And during that walk, I can apologize to Bree and explain some things. Yeah! Okay, good. I only touched the tip. It's not cheating when we're this high up. There's all kinds of rules. I'm going to make a t-shirt. What happens in Umineiro stays in Umineiro. God, except it totally fucking won't. Anyway, so while you guys are walking here, again, the observatory is pretty far up. It's kind of almost a balcony situation, sort of hangs over the edge, but it's an enclosed space, kind of a forest bubble that encloses it, so it's pretty impossible to fall off the edge of this, but it will take a while to get there.

You're in a big city, obviously. While you guys are walking, you--okay, you can absolutely, Una would absolutely be able to tell that this is eating Bree alive. She wants to ask. She wants to basically ask, "What happened?" But she doesn't want to come off as kind of overly needy, clinging about the situation, because she trusts you, but at the same time, she doesn't trust this guy she knows nothing about. Sure, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, so I guess after 30 seconds of that strange silence that I'm sure everyone is super familiar with, Una will just kind of pull her a little bit to the side, just so their intimate conversation is not overheard by everyone.

Although she won't be whispering or anything. And she'll say, "Okay, it was just some flirting, but that may be..." It's like, clearly, she's trying to find a way to phrase, "Look, my mom was a prostitute, so I'm kind of okay with this kind of thing, but she's just trying to dance around that." That may not be the end of it. And it's not--it's nothing--there's no emotion at all. It's purely for information, and I want you to know that. Up front. Okay... Firstly... How much flirting? You don't fuck it, that's in character. [laughs] Okay, second question.

When you said it's not emotional, is it not emotional for him? It was just kind of striking. I don't really care if it is or not. I mean, I'm pretty cute. So it could very well just be physical attraction. And it probably is, considering I'm not exactly up to the mark on class and intellectual stimulation, I wouldn't say. Okay, third question. And at this point, she's just trying to, like, just, "Okay... You said it might not be over. Do you have to talk to him again?" Did I not tell him about dinner? Was that not covered in line? I don't believe it was. I don't-- Okay, so just to clarify.

He invited me to dinner, and then I was like, "Can my buddies come?" and he was like, "They'll have dinner too." But not with us. So the implication was, like, in the same house, but not, like, in the same room? Essentially, yeah. Like, this is a private dining room. We'll be treated to a nice dinner, but not with you. But we'll be in the same general vicinity. In the same building. Okay, okay. Just making sure. So Una will kind of address the group as we're walking and just say, "So, um... Nobody making any dinner plans, because Duskwalker has requested that I have dinner with him tonight, and you all are invited to a... separate dinner.

But it'll be a nice one." She's, like, covering half her face, just like, "Nope. I don't want to say this." Oh yeah, no, Bree is gonna latch right onto that. So wait a second, you're having dinner with him? Yep. Alone? Yep. Why? Because he's guilty. So, Una will look super guilty, but she'll say, "Well, so, you know, we had that artifact that we got from the Temple of Vecna, right?" Mm-hmm. Okay. "So we have that artifact that we got from the Temple of Vecna, and I wanted more information on it, so I asked him for that information, and he graciously said that he would spend some time and research it and find the information for me, and then tell me about it at a... dinner." Well, that makes sense.

I mean, fancy dinners are where we've done all our research so far. Look, okay, I know this is odd and not exactly comfortable, but I don't know how much I've told you about how I grew up, but it was in a brothel, and so this sort of exchange is not exactly unfamiliar to me, although I recognize that it might be uncomfortable for you. So, sometimes, charm and spending a fun time with a beautiful woman can get you some really good things. And she'll just kind of, like, just peter off, like, in the face of what I assume is, like, vague outrage. Santos is gonna stare at Una for a second, like, her eyes are gonna kind of get wide when she mentions the brothel, and she's gonna go, "Wait, are you gonna sleep with him?" "Aw, fuck you!" You know what, that was in character.

Like, just under her breath, like, just like, she was gonna snap her head around, just like, "Shut the fuck up!" Wait, wait, wait, wait, can- Merrick is gonna turn around, I'm assuming he's just sort of walking and not being part of the deal, he's gonna turn around and actually say the same thing, "Yeah, are you gonna sleep with him?" Oh, Bree's gonna be just outraged, like, just not visibly fuming, but just... When Santos asks, it's more like, "Okay, she's a kid, she's a..." Of course it's not. When Merrick asks, it's like, "Wait, is this actually on the fucking table?

Was this the plan? Like, is that what we're doing?" And Merrick will have turned around immediately and is just smirking to himself. God damn it. Orton wants some popcorn while he's watching all this. This is good TV. Dude, Julie thinks this is delightful. I'm gonna say, like, look, obviously, if you say that's not on the table, that's not on the table. That's it, that's all. You're putting this on me? That's... That is just completely unfair. I know we need information and it's very, very important, but... I mean, can't you just maybe sweet-talk him a little?

Oh no, this is a last resort thing. This is not my go-to plan. You know, I'm probably better at sweet-talking than I am at dudes. So, you know, I don't want to jump there. But I'm saying that it's not something I even care about. So wait, is this a date or are you gonna sleep with him? God damn it, Santos. Damn it, Blair. If you shook the fuck up, you'll find out. Just everyone in your life is causing problems for you. Sometimes... You know what? Damn it, Blair. And there's a dog in a manure. Santos, you weren't too young for this conversation. You were talking to us!

Cover your ears. She's like... She doesn't know what the fuck to do. She's gonna pointedly cross her arms. Merrick nudges Kaluna and nods too, like, "Yeah, no. She's right. Do it. Do it." Yeah, Kaluna will cover their ears. They look real confused. She's like, "Okay. What the fuck? Okay, covering our ears? Okay." That's so cute. Was Una gonna say anything else? I think I answered the question right. Okay. I didn't know. Okay. Be honest with me. Just answer this one question. Do you think he's the type of guy to really pursue this? Or is it more just that dinner might be enough?

Um... Like, who's gonna grit her teeth? Um, visibly? Honestly... I don't know. I think that depends on how the dinner go- I don't know. Like, and her face is just contorting into all sorts of like, ugh, just like the most uncomfortable face it's ever been. Okay, Una. I trust you. Let's go find the edge. She's gonna start walking again. Way past the edge. Una will hang back and smack Thanos in the back of the head. Thanos is gonna look like that isn't the first time that's happened to her. Wait, are you going to sleep with him? Like, does not deter her at all. She needs to know.

Um... Una will just like, fucking like, roll her eyes as hard as she possibly can. Just say, "If I fucking have to." And then she'll just like, pull forward and walk faster. Um, yeah, Merrick's gonna nudge Kalluna and just like, hands down, it's over. It's all done. Don't worry about it. Kalluna's going to, you know, lower their hands and they're gonna look at Merrick and they're gonna go, "What's a brothel?" Oh, well, you know what? We need to see if we can find a bar here at Nubinero and I'll explain everything. Can we find a brothel? That's real in character.

Like, Thanos is gonna hear that and go, "Can we find a brothel?" Kalluna's gonna turn to Merrick, "Yeah, can we find one?" Okay, fine. Merrick looks at Una, Una's already walked by, nevermind. I was gonna give it to Una. Oh, I thought you thought, like, Una had some sort of brothel sense. Um, let's see if we can find a drink. Um, let's first, let's look over the edge. Then we're gonna see if we can find a drink and then we're gonna have dinner and we'll talk about the brothels at dinner. How about that? Everybody cool? Kalluna's going to nod. And then, they're going to add, "Will you tell us what they mean about sleeping?

Because we feel like that's not, we feel like they're talking funny." Yeah, no, you're completely right. They're all talking funny. And you know what, we'll talk about it at dinner. Um, we just need to get some food in us and let Una do her thing. Julie would sidle up. Oh, go ahead, go ahead. At this point, I think Ordon would walk up to Merrick and just ask, "Is this how you normally get information?" Which, which part? And he'll just gesture ahead toward Una. No, this is just a delight. And Merrick's gonna put his hand on Ordon's shoulder and just say, "Please just give me this.

Just give me this." He'll smile and laugh and just, just go with it. Julie's gonna sidle up next to Una. So, not that you asked, but we did find that researcher and we are looking into the seal. Could take a while, though. I'm just gonna like, "Great. Great. Awesome. Did you have to sleep with him?" "No, we just asked. Did you try just asking, Duskwalker? Or just right to the sex?" "This bitch." [Laughter] Would I know that there was any of Duskwalker's influence in getting them to talk to the head researcher? Uh, I mean, he runs the joint, so like, I think you'd know that the party would not be treated as well in the city if not for your influence.

Yeah. Okay. So say, "You know, things have gone okay for us since we got here. Maybe that has to do something with the fact that I flirted once in a while, okay? I know it's not exactly honorable, but you might want to try it sometimes. Think you'd have fun." She's gonna kinda smirk just a bit. Una's just gonna stomp off like she's just gonna suck a fucking bitch. She's... Oh god. Goddamnit. As you stomp away, she's gonna call out, "I really hope you have fun on your date later!" Una's just gonna spin around and do the double middle fingers, waving up and down, just while walking backward.

Just like, not even try to be subtle. Just like, "No, fuck you!" Maric, as he's walking, just closes his eyes, does a quick prayer hand gesture, and sort of puts his head towards the sky, and he just says, "Thank you." It's just glorious. Oh my god. Ah, boy. Eventually, the party is going to make it to the edge, which is this. Oh right, we were going somewhere. Yeah, so this is this very large kind of observatory thing, sort of a half circle, like a half bubble looking out over nothing. Basically, it's looking out over the continent of the mainland. So below you, it's going to look like almost nothing.

This is essentially just a force bubble that you step out onto. And you can see where there's just this very vague shimmering, but you can tell that there's something there, but it's almost like it's glass, right? And you're going to see other people standing there when you get there. Again, very tourist-trappy. Like, that's the thing you go do when, you know, it's like, "Oh, we gotta go see the Empire State Building!" That type of thing. Like, it's just the thing you do when you go to a manuro. And the view from up here is amazing. It's unlike anything you've ever seen, because you will see cities beneath it.

Below you, you can see places you've been on the way here. It's like, "Oh wow, there's Brightport!" You can see Brightport off in the distance, and you'll see ships coming in and out. It'll look like insects. You can see the ships moving in and out, and the city itself almost appears to be this living entity. And it's gorgeous. You'll see the mountains to your right, and if you really search for it, you might be able to see bits and pieces of orash, like the huge bridges and things. It is gorgeous. Kaluna is having none of it. There's probably a doorway or something.

They're just sort of peeking out from behind it. Just making sure no one falls through the invisible bubble thing. Just staring on in fear, basically. I imagine Ordon would see this bubble from the doorway, and he'd be interested, but he'd be a little nervous at first. So he'd do the walk up to the edge, plant his back foot, and tap the bubble with his lead foot. Like, this solid. And as soon as it responds as he would expect normal ground would, he'd walk out, and he'd be just enthralled with this view. You can see things. You can see dragons circling mountains in the distance every once in a while.

You'll see birds outside, just kind of below you. I mean, it is gorgeous. This is just an amazing sight. I feel like Santos would do the thing where, like, you know that kid who always showed off by doing the first cannonball? That was me. She would kind of do that where she'd take a deep breath, but then just walk right out. I'm not going to test. I'm not a baby. I can do this. It is not uncommon for people to get nauseous standing there, just because everything in your brain is telling you, "I should be falling right now." Everything in your brain. And you're just kind of standing out, just sort of suspended above.

You'd surely die. You're on the shore, right? Yes. So you can see the ocean and shit too. Or at least as far as Drake Island. Right. You can see the periphery, essentially. The way this is positioned, it is facing toward the mainland. So you can see the shore beneath you and on the periphery. But it's pretty much straight ahead. It's just mountains and land and cities and all that stuff. Gotcha. Merrick's going to just be up wherever he can get a good view. And there's two things he's going to look for. The first one is going to be... He's going to just try. I know that this won't happen.

Merrick is going to try to see if he can see the fire aisles. He's going to look in that direction. It's way too far away. But he's going to at least try to look. Second thing that Merrick's going to look for is if he can see the mountains, which I'm assuming this is looking straight towards in a way, he's going to try to see if he can figure out where the library was. Oh, okay. Yeah. Just for fun. Kind of like almost to just get a good lay of the land. Oh, yeah, that's much more doable. So you're looking at the the Hazen Mountains, right? So that you could see basically...

It's tough to tell from up here because you're getting a bird's eye view, whereas before you were following mountain paths and things like that. But yeah, you would definitely be able to see the general area. Yeah, it's just a matter of not like see the door or something, but just more like, yeah, it's probably right about there. Cool. That's it. Yeah, you'd also be overlooking like Aldmor and Bandits Rest. That's a huge forest and like you'd be able to see people on trade routes and like, yeah, it's yeah. So like, is there an edge to the edge? It's kind of an enclosed bubble so that you can't jump out because, I mean, that's kind of the first thing.

They don't want people just offing themselves if they've had a bad day or something. So there's no place like Little Asshole could go and like dangle their feet over and look down. It's almost as if they specifically designed it against you. Thanos when I say you, like you. She'll probably, because it's such a glorious, I wish that we were a visual podcast sometimes because this sounds really cool. I think she'll just kind of take in the moment and just sit down and just kind of take it all in, look and be all wondered and shit. Yeah, Brielle kind of have her arms folded looking out over over everything.

I feel like I should probably like go do something sweet, but I feel like that's me now this time. So it was kind of what? Do it. Be sweet. I'm not listening to you. Fucking like the little like devil sitting on your shoulder. Do something nice for your girlfriend is literally the devil on your shoulder. I feel like I feel like you're urging me to fuck it up. You should propose to her. Yeah. We did it like two months. Sometimes work out. When you know it works out always fails. Okay. Is there like you said it was like a tourist spot. So like I don't know if Theria has like photographs or like if sketches basically is kind of it's not it's not really photographs.

No, there's no way to like commemorate your visit. It's just sort of trying to soak it up mentally and remember it. Okay. Yeah, I guess I'll just just yeah stand next to Bree and like just soak up the prettiness. I guess she would she would notice you standing there. It wouldn't be a thing where she's ignoring you or anything like that. Okay. She's she's gonna speak up after a while again kind of a kind of a silence. So this is really pretty. Yeah, almost makes you feel not resentful for having to fucking do all this bullshit to save it. You know, I'm not mad at you, right?

Thank fuck. That's in character. I get it. I do. I know it's important. I know. I know we need every edge we can get. It's just you wouldn't you wouldn't be doing this if we didn't absolutely need it, right? If there is any other option at all. I will go for option a this is option Z. I promise is not a he's not even my type and she's gonna like think about that like maybe not the right thing to say. But she like be I don't want to cheat on you believe it or not. That probably should have come first. That probably should have been yeah, but still sweet. I appreciate it.

Look, let's just let's just soak up this fucking gorgeous site and then let's go do something nice. Let's go to a spa or something. We God knows that we haven't treated ourselves for ever. Well, I think we're gonna be stuck here for a while anyway, so I guess it couldn't hurt. Yeah, and we'll just put her put her arm around Bree. She'll yeah, she'll kind of lean her head against your against your your like shoulder area just kind of yeah. She's probably significantly shorter a bit shorter than you. Yeah. How tall is she? She's like she's pretty short, right?

Yeah, she's yeah, she's like 5'2". Yeah, it was like a head taller than her at least. Yeah. So I imagine you guys are going to be here for a while and soak up the sites and the sun is gonna start to set which again be beautiful. But you guys got probably an hour and a half, maybe two before dinner. Do you guys say you want to find a spa or someplace before we do that? Just real quick. And when everyone finally fucking stops looking at this beautiful sunset like a bunch of jerks. Kolloon is gonna tap Merrick on the shoulder or something and just go, what about the horses?

Hmm. About the horses. They're dead now. Could you look down and see the thing? We know there are people that like I thought I actually thought we left them with people, but I don't want to leave them with people. You left them outside. But yeah. OK, look, it takes a word if it tells us what to say. Hey, we got horses that boom snap. That shit's taken care of. Cool. So I'll make sure they get fed if you touch it. So without understanding, Merrick will just be like, no, it's not a problem. They're gonna be fine. They're gonna be fine. So a bar or salon? Oh, salon.

Don't they have a KFC Taco Bell thing? Well, I mean, I'm sure they'll give you like salons will give you like a glass of wine. Oh, yeah. Right. Oh, God. This is OK. Uminero is a classy establishment. This is a classy city. So I'm thinking there is a there is a full service like we're talking like I was telling you before the show, they got steam rooms and they'll they work on hair and they do facial hair, too. Like they will. It's the works like they their entire motto is like you walk in looking how you look, whatever. But you're going to walk out and just get a door the way it's just so the place you're looking for is called Feathered Follicles.

Cute. And this is a bustling establishment that like you walk in and it's kind of a kind of a vestibule of places to go and say, oh, this is where you go to get your hair done. And this is this is the spa area, like they have mud baths and like kind of a kind of like like I said, like a steam room type of thing. And if you want to get massages and just outright pampering. And yeah, this is. Yeah. What is it you guys are looking to get done? Is this more of a relaxation thing, like kind of a treat yourself thing or is it is it more cosmetic? What are you after?

Yes. OK, well, all of that. This is this is extremely exciting for Merrick. This has opened up like a room in his brain that he has thought about. I could actually like smell good and like be like like like nice like my fingernails would not be disgusting. He's going to actually offer to everyone he's going to splurge for this. He's going to actually say, look, whoever wants to wants to go to the spa or the salon. This one's on me. Whatever's not taken care of by human. You're itself. I've got this. That's what does Santos know about this type of establishment?

Because I feel like this would be completely left field for her. This isn't OK. One, this isn't a gift. The right thing to this isn't a tellur thing. They don't have this kind of shit. We're talking about a continent that's been in perpetual war for hundreds of years. It doesn't they don't have spa. So you could roll a streetwise check. It would be pretty high. Like how much would Santos know just being in Brightport? Even Brightport, they don't really have an establishment like this. They do have little places where you can get your hair done and like they have.

I'll go with it actually works if she doesn't know. Yeah. OK. Oh, go ahead. I was saying it will definitely take that under her wing here. It's like his mom was a classy fucking lady. This was like the standard for her, like a pollution rituals. So she would like absolutely be like, oh, Santos, honey. Like, let's get you like a milk and honey bath, you know, like. I feel like Santos's pride is going to be her downfall here. We're like, well, everyone's talking about the spa. She's just not going to say anything or do anything because she doesn't want anyone to know she doesn't know.

So she's just like, yeah, this the spa. Good. Here's the thing. Even the OK, let's talk about the party members who don't get drenched in gore, who aren't up front fighting. Because those of you who do smell the worst, it's just bits of dried blood and viscera. And even if you try to take care of yourself, I mean, all of you are out marching around and you sweat, you stink. I just think it's just it's a gross situation. It gives us character. Some of us smell like flowers. Sometimes. Kaluna permanently smells amazing, except you can shit yourself violently.

I mean, you're still going to smell like shit, but you will also smell like flowers. It's like when you spray Febreze in the air before guests come. Like, oh, hey, look, we know what happened, but there's an undertone of shit. So like, hmm, poopy lavender has a nutty aftertaste. Oh, my God. What the fuck is that from the office where he's like he's like tasting the wine. He's like, oh, it's got an oaky after. Oh, God. So this is OK. If you walk in and pretty much go, hey, we got we help us like it's pretty much that. It's just hey, like give us the works, that type of thing.

They would go right to work, like putting a car up on the lift at the mechanic and just like, oh, yeah, this is this is all got to go. We got it. Like they would they would go nuts. They would they would take like a pumice stone to your to your to the balls of your feet and just get that because you all got boot foot. You all of you all got boot foot. So it's just it's like, oh, man, when's the last time you you did anything with these nails? All that like trimming facial hair. He was very alarmed the entire time. Like, well, they get used to one thing and then you move on to the next step.

And they're like, what the fuck is this? And they would even dirt off you. You're like, no, that's a part of my body. I need that. Now they know about baths. They know the basics. Well, the guy the guy in charge is Jaron Stask. And you would that this is his element, obviously, except for kaluna. And there would there would be OK, obviously, the Wildin standard for beauty is a little different than a lot. So everyone wants to he'd be like he'd kind of like like he'd go to trim something or do something or prims something. It's like, is this is this good? Does that feel OK?

Like that type of thing. Just kind of gauging response. Just bringing a florist. Moral arrangement. Oh, other than that, man, just going just just like each one of you would have a dedicated, like two two person team. Just just working on things like something. Yeah. Oh, yeah. This is a full service establishment. They would get you beverages. They would you know. Yeah, it is. Who they are. What are the names of kaluna's people? Because kaluna is definitely talking to them. You know that one person, that one person who won't shut up at the salon. You know who? You know.

So it's OK. What's it? Oh, my God. So, OK, there would be so I imagine there is small talk throughout this entire thing. And Wafer would actually be the one of the people like it be this female elf like kind of I feel like they put elves on kaluna because, you know, a little bit of nature. I don't know. Like it's completely racial profiling. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is important to me, Jason. Uh huh. Are they going to speak elven to kaluna? If you speak elven to them first, they usually don't assume. Fuck. Never mind. But they would they would just try to just make sure you're all very comfy and again, getting to ordnance.

It's ordnance and Merrick like, OK, everyone else, even even Santos, they're like, well, let's let's let's wash your hair and let's get it all like nice. And she has never looked more uncomfortable in her life. I can't imagine that isn't the most tense motherfucker and just glares and anger. Well, here's the thing. They also have like there's a cat, a bath. There's someone there to rub shoulders while you're getting your hair done. It's like, oh, you're so tense. Like it's so there'd be that action, too. Like there's it's just they would even it's like, oh, she looks pretty tense.

Why don't you give her a shoulder rub? So there'd be that action. And they get to Merrick and Ordin and they just kind of like, what would you like? Because they don't want to trim your beard necessarily and like grab the wild like, you know, those wild hairs that come off of it. And it's like, OK, let's get all this symmetrical. Let's even this up and let's say because you look like Bushmen. I would imagine just like you're out on the road all the time. You just it's not that attention to detail, like if you were home. So, yeah, they're just trying to shore up loose ends and make it look nice and wash your hair and all that good stuff.

Well, Ordin wouldn't let them touch the beard. That's I feel like they would know that. OK. Just just they they would like, do you want us to do one? And that the first sign of resistance, the OK, OK, OK. We know that's important to you people like it's it's. But if he could get a fresh shave on the top of his head and maybe a scalp massage, hit it. Hit the end. That that that could be done. That could be done. Like Merrick wants everything, right? Oh, I have a list ready. It's just a piece of paper that said fix it. Everything. Basically, first of all, you and just like that, that, that, that.

Just trail his finger down the menu. You want a horn massage? You're not a tiefling. Oh, sorry, I misunderstood. Thank you. Fingernails need to be impeccable, like absolutely impeccable. No calluses on feet or hands, period. It's going to take some some some some rubbing, but they can do that's fine. That's fine. I think that's real standard. Yeah. The toenails in particular are probably pretty rough. And this needs to be beautiful. Also, he's going to have a full body wax. He's not going to have any hair except for his his beard and his hair on top of his head.

Yeah, because he's been a werewolf. He's like he's like cleansing some of this stuff. This is for real. Well, I got news for you because you're in luck. You're in Umineiro and they have they have tonics and potions that can get rid of hair without irritation. So it's not a waxing situation. Oh, he wants to be one. Oh, well, then they're they have that they can make an extra body. Yeah, they can they can do it one by one. They can. He is going to you know, we were talking the other day, Jason, about how much he looks like Lemmy for Motorhead in the end. And so I want him to get the Lemmy.

Ah, like right. Like so he's going to have his goatee and lamb chops and it's just going to be perfect. And at the same time, you know, he's got this very long mustache. He's actually going to ask them to take several inches off of his mustache. He's going to not not start over, but he's just kind of like he's going to go for it and just get like get a full super trim. OK. Also, the last thing he's going to request is that he wants when he leaves, he wants to smell like mint. They can do that. That's all he wants. Only those things. Oh, yeah. They can do just those few major things.

Just yes. So again, team of people working. Does anyone else have any special requests? Something they can. Hell, yeah. OK. I want to wait until Merrick gets his gets his request in. That's it. That's all I got. Oh, yeah. They'll be they'll be working on that now. But but but you will notice not that you have to say anything, but you will definitely notice the mustache. Like, whoa, you've still got a pretty serious mustache. But Jesus, like that's a huge change. It will be it will be a big thing where he's going to probably be very, very happy. Like a like a like a one of those cocker spaniel that gets all their hair cut off for the summer and they like run around the yard.

And that's as they could possibly be. That's right. That's what he's going to be. That's adorable. I'm glad you picked the dog is like the metaphor. So you want to be scrubbed. But she has murdered so many things and trudged through so much mud and sweated so much. She's encased in fucking armor all the goddamn time. It's like being canned, like. So she just wants to be like fucking scrubbed and like perfumed to smell like the sexiest, most amazing thing in the world. And she'll make a special request about what they can do with her hair. And she'll kind of like quietly just mention it to one of the the attendants and say.

Look, is there any way you could grow this out for me? Like just gesturing to her her little mohawk. Right. Yeah. And they would they kind of play with it for a second. And we might have something for that. Hold on. Let me go check. After a few moments, they would come back with this small blue bottle and inside there will be be a liquid. All right. We can add a few drops of this to your scalp and you will see noticeable hair growth within seconds. There have been known to be a couple of minor side effects, but it's it's it's only for the duration. And we can take care of it right here, right now so that you'll leave looking exactly the way you'd like to.

Yeah. Una's not going to really care about the side effects as long as they don't like, you know, create a mustache or something. OK. So she'll say just for clarification, the side effects. You guys can take care of this. We can take care of them right here. So she I'm assuming she's not wearing much clothing. Well, they're cleaning your clothing. Gotcha. Perfect. Thankfully. So if her tattoos are visible, she'll kind of point to the one of her mother and she'll just say it used to look exactly like that. And they'll they'll take note. All right. And they're going to add a few drops of this liquid and sort of massage that into Una's scalp.

Una, do me a favor. Oh Christ. Roll a flat D10. D10. OK. OK. So for a few moments, nothing's going to happen. And I would imagine you guys are pretty much all in the same room lined up. And, yeah, they're they're they're working on stuff. And after after a few moments, this plume of hair is going to almost erupt from Una's scalp. Like it's going to start as hair growth, but obviously sped up and it is just going to keep going like this. This it's going to weigh you down almost like you're it's it's kind of pulling at your neck like, oh, shit. Like it's it's billowing like a Cousin It thing billowing from your head, just covering your face and like your whole body, just like just like you are hair sitting in this chair.

Oh, my God. Una will be laughing her fucking ass off. And then after after a few moments, it's going to stop. And the attending is just oh my. And he's going to wait for like two other people to come over with scissors and they're going to start they're going to start kind of like hacking their way to get this to like a manageable state so they can start to get it to look like what you requested. And they might have to dig a little bit to get to your arm again to see the reference picture, but like it's just kind of like swimming to get to it and then anyone else.

So itchy. How you leave salon. It's like, oh, there's some hair still in my like it's all over. As soon as Una like gets her face emerges from like once they've got it combed back, at least she will look over at Bree with like the biggest grin. I imagine like an eyebrow eyebrow wiggle like, yeah, I look sexy. Oh, God. Anybody else? Special requests. Don't touch me. Just smacking hands away. No, just let me drink the alcohol. Go away. OK, with that, just get what's going on after a while. Well, like just like see what the other people are doing, but that doesn't make her like the thing that's happening.

Right. So like she gets it and like you can you can see that there's an effort. OK, I'll let you touch my hand. But whenever something new happened, she's like, no, not that too far. Is this visible that she's like, oh, yeah, she has not had anger. Well, that's it's just very clear on her. Got it. If that's the case, like Una will look over to her and just say. Relax, enjoy it. We're probably all going to die and or be tortured and or live through hell in the coming months. So just relax. Let them let them pamper you. It looks like you've never had it happen before in your life.

And if you chill out, you might enjoy it. Thanos is going to look her dead in the eye if she can see them. I imagine that you freed the entire face at this point. This is hell. Una will give Brie a look like, can you say something? Because she thought like this would be a nice thing for Thanos. Like, oh, yeah, she's a young girl. Like, you know, she's probably never been like pampered. Like maybe she'll enjoy it. And she's clearly not. She's like, oh, miscalculated. Yeah, well, OK, there is minor. See, OK, Brie can identify because there's minor discomfort for her, too, because they go to touch her hair and it's like, oh, no, don't don't don't touch the swoop.

There's a reason for the swoop. Don't touch. But the rest of it's fine. So she would she might position herself a little closer to Thanos and just kind of give like it's it's OK. Just whatever you don't want him to touch, just tell him not to touch it and, you know, maybe trim the nails a little bit or something like that. Just just minor encouragement and just kind of showing that it's OK. OK, she'll kind of look to Una and kind of read the room. I don't want to ruin it for everyone else. I like these people like that kind of thought process. And then she'll look over to one of the people who are on her side.

Hopefully the one that's giving her the back massage she really doesn't want. Oh, yeah. Brie would pick up on that and just maybe just like just no, it's OK. Thanks. That's fine. You're not making her more relaxed. She'll go, you can wash my hair because she saw them doing it with Merrick. So she's like, you can do that. Don't cut it. Wash it. Yeah, that's the I. Dude, I picture full on like mud and sticks and shit like it's like, yeah, she has never given a shit about her hair. Right. So this is like Jumanji levels of uncapped like this is OK. Cool. So I like that that conjured an image for everybody.

What year is it? So, yeah, they would get to work just kind of gingerly like just OK. So that type of thing. And Brie would kind of stick by time. Time is going to pass. And someone is going to deliver a box to Una and they would they would let you know this is this is compliments of Archmage Duskwalker. He wanted to he wanted to give this to you, but just kind of just very just here you go. And we'll just take the box. Oh, yes. I was expecting this. Thank you. How is Aladdin? Like just a little bit louder than necessary, but like just attached just so that everyone in the fucking salon knows like this is what this is for.

Yes, I have a date with the senator. Like, yeah, very just my senator boyfriend. I've been watching The Office too much. If you can get that. This person is very much looking forward to the dinner later. And you get the sense that maybe this is an assistant or or something like that. Fucking Cuntble, Lemmy. I love that Lemmy is in the party. I just I love it. The best. Lemmy lives on through Marek. All right. Yeah, I want to open this box and see what this see what this is. So that was a good choice. This is OK. I want you to do me a favor. Roll a flat D10. That's not fair.

It is fair. One, one, one, one, one, one, one. Damn it. Nine. Oh, it's a chastity bell. So this is a very elegant dress. This is this is understated. And it's obviously going to be kind of form fitting and everything. It's but it shows off figure nicely without it being ridiculous. Backless, but not not like a fucking like G string or something like that. Nothing about this is like, oh, this is actually classy. This is a very this is a very nice dress. This is just silver. And yeah, it's it's very nice. All right. I can dig it. Can we all roll for dresses? I'd love to roll for a dress.

Can we please? I want to hear about everyone's beautiful, beautiful dresses. I want to do something with Bantos after she gets her hair washed and all of that, she will do one of those soaky bath things and she looks very happy. That's all. I just want it's one of those things that like, OK, this was nice. Oh, good, good, good. And I have her hair all up in a towel. America is doing exactly the same thing. They're sharing and no fan fiction. I feel like the whole time Kaluna would alternate between like animated talking like, oh, what are you doing now? What are you doing now?

What are you doing now? But then when they do something like rubbing their feet or something, they would look like the opposite of fantasy. You know, when you get just that right spot on like a cat or something and they just close their eyes and they're like, hell, yes. Like, like twitching. I was thinking that part. Trying to keep up with it, like, OK, you got to stop so we can do it. But like, I do like it. So, Jason, how good is the scalp massage? It's pretty good. These people know what they're doing. They're not they're one, not unfamiliar with a scalp massage because when they wash hair, they're like, oh, yeah.

The entire thing is about treating you like a fucking rock star. Like they want you to be satisfied and happy. And then on top of that, it doesn't seem like they are there. They're against people being bald either. Like they're like that was a that was a class one head shaving like they are on it. Like they that is it's a close shave. No, no abrasion. No, no irritation. They're on it. Awesome. So Ordinal B out halfway through this thing. He is going to like you'll hear him snoring across the room. He is so relaxed right now. Yeah. He's just hasn't been this relaxed in a long time.

And then a stunning dress was delivered at Wharton as he slept towards the end. They're going to wrap everything up and they're going to they're they're going to they're going to deliver the bill and just kind of set it. Because it's a classiest option. They don't talk about prices and stuff. They just it's like, oh, we're just going to leave this with you here and they're going to leave it in front of the party. And you can take care of that any time. Miracle, of course, you know, like, no, no, no, I got this. He's going to grab it, but he's going to look immediately at the total.

Can we afford this? The total for this is going to be eight hundred and sixty four gold pieces. Oh, please. I don't think that's a problem. This is this is what Merrick wanted to do. He's going to tear up a little bit. And he's going to. I got this. That is more to put this in theory in terms, that is more than this party has ever spent on food, lodging and travel combined. Do we have that much gold? Yeah. That's a good response. Does Merrick have that much gold? Yeah, totally do. My card bounce. Run it again. Your machine must be messed up. Yeah, I don't know. No, Merrick does have that much.

Does. I think you're forgetting about a small thing. What am I forgetting? Do you remember Barden? Barden? Ah, shit. Yeah, but that but we can sell organs. It's fine. We'll figure it out between. We can sell organs. Yeah, totally. OK, we'll figure it out. Wait, can you remind me? Because I have no idea what that's referring to. Amdeer, correct? Our guide. Yes, our guide. I think you're forgetting about a little thing called a dead Minotaur that we looted. That's true. That's plenty of Minotaur loot. Plenty of Minotaur loot. That's true. You did. Not a problem. You can find some goods like you can.

Yeah, I have a lot of shiny stuff. Merrick's going to say. Oh, good. Oh, no, you can do your thing first. It's more important. Merrick's just going to say, I got this. You guys can leave the tip if you want to. See, that's what I was about to ask. If Kaluna knows about tips. Oh, I would say no. That is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kaluna would lean over like, what? What's a tip? That's complicated. Extra money. For things you've already paid for. It's very complicated. But Kaluna would absolutely leave a tip and would and would actually like, OK, tip for the whole place. And then they would go back to Wafer and be like, you were the best.

Take some money. I know you people like this stuff. How much money? I don't know. Like 10 gold. Is that? I don't know the value of money. See, that's. It works. OK. They would thank you. That's absolutely. You have a wonderful day. That type of thing. Just just. Yeah. They would even look at it. They would just kind of like, oh, thank you. Like complete eye contact the entire time. They wouldn't be looking at the money. Well, tip her attendance for sure. She also like whispered America like, do you want me to ask them to send the bill somewhere else? And she was kind of like, nudge him.

Merrick's going to like make a like a very like no kind of face. And he's going to go, yes. All right. You know, we'll just like shepherd everyone out. And as she's leaving, she'll say, you can send the bill to a land and deskwalker. Believe me, he'll be fine with paying it. You are going to pay for this. Oh, my God. You are. OK, I'm just saying you ordered the steak and the lobster and you're setting expectations straight to the bathroom. Yeah. Wow. And that does that work? Did they like did they like just nod and like, well, I'd say normally, fuck, no, that wouldn't work.

But they they saw the dress delivery. They know who it's from. They would like I mean, yeah, they they would do it. All right. And it's going to look at American to say, if I have to put out, I'm holding you responsible. That's hot. How loud is this conversation? Very quiet. OK. Do me a favor. Roll a stealth check. Oh, fucking hell. They're outside. They're outside the building. That help? It is not stealthy. Fuck, I got myself into some shit. I'm more I'm more worried about the members of your party. 16. Bree's going to hear that. Oh, my God. This is just watching a house slowly burn.

Listeners, I hope you're enjoying the fuck out of it. I'm not making some. That's really fucking ominous notes. OK. That's actually what you're saying. Like you got a notepad. Yes. Me. Are we ready? Yes. Fucking whatever. So you better be convincing after the tab you just racked up and this is you're taking some liberties anyway. So while the party is being whisked away to this this big open dining area and there's going to be a lot of it's kind of a quiet. It's kind of a quiet, like low lit place, not not necessarily romantic, but it's definitely there's an atmosphere.

There's a vibe. But there's lots of people in here. It's kind of a kind of a ritzy type place. You get the feeling that if you were to be paying for this meal, you'd run into another situation like you just did with the salon type thing. They would just be like, oh, that's a that's a big number. And you guys are smelling nice. I mean, you are wearing your armor and stuff, but they're they're looking past it. They kind of see you away from like everyone else near that near the kitchen, like that type of thing. But like still very nice place. And you're going to be treated very well.

And food here is amazing. Una, on the other hand, is going to be whisked away to a separate, much more intimate dining room. There is one table. In this room. And Aladdin will be there waiting at the table for him to get there. Oh, yeah. Well, eager he's going to be standing. He's going to be he's going to be standing when when he gets there. And cross the small expanse. Across the small expanse. Una, you look absolutely ravishing. Did he have to use that word? Yes, he did. If that's your threshold for uncomfortable, just close your ears, because this is. I just didn't think it would start out, you know, like radish radish.

He's going to beat play. You're into beat stuff, right? I certainly like to beat it. Oh, my God. OK, so on the on the walk over, Una will have like gotten into the headspace of like, OK, you know, I've seen this done professionally at a high level, like she's she's she's packing away all like the, oh, Jesus Christ, what's happening? And she's she's compartmentalizing. She's like, you know, do your mom proud. All right. Do your mom proud. So she's going to like toss her hair a little bit and say, thank you. You know, after months of trudging around in the mud, I thought I might make a bit of an effort for you.

He's going to he's going to be looking up and down. I don't want to be too presumptuous, but would you mind? And he's going to make the motion of like, give him a twirl type of thing. Care to fuck like just just in the just. Can we start this now? Yeah, Una will give him a little twirl. Let's not let's not kid ourselves. She feels fucking sexy. Right. Right. This isn't OK. This isn't about Una being out of her comfort zone because it's like, oh, the dress and all that. It's not because it's like, oh, she wouldn't want to be outside of her room. It's about Una being out of her comfort zone because of him, specifically him.

Yeah, that's that's that's exclusively like Una is fine with flaunting her sexuality and like that is there's nothing that's like, you know, she's not uncomfortable with being like feminine at all. In fact, she likes it. So she will definitely do like I will spin. Maybe she's enjoying being like actually sexually attractive for the first time in like weeks. Right. Maybe she's enjoying a little a little more than she probably should be. Right. But, you know, when you've just got like guts and dried blood scraped out of your hair, like, you know, feel pretty good.

Yeah, totally. And he's he's going to he's going to take it all in. Yeah, he is. What? Yeah, I didn't bring my strapple. Well, I have no words that just. Wow. Shall we shall we have a seat? Fucking chat. Yeah, yeah. We're just making pussy grabbing jokes in there. Yeah, if there's any sort of like not OK assault, like he will be murdered, but he probably knows that. Yeah, yeah. The woman who the woman who cajoled her way into taking her mythical hammer into the city with her. Yeah, he probably knows that. Yeah, she has that hammer with her. Oh, right now, it's it's it's it's she's like classly, you know, is it in her clutch like she's got it in like a little silver bag.

But she has her hammer with it like that thing is never not true. It's like like like in beautiful silk, like wrapped completely and like strapped on her back. Yeah, that's your bag on the table. Just just smack just through the table. Oh, sorry. Tables this listing to one side. You know, she'll put on like the floor beside her chair, but she's definitely she's she has scrubbed this thing and like brought it to its full glory. So it's it's just as beautiful as she is. Wow. He pulled the chair out for you and yeah, the whole the whole nine. Is he fedora this, please?

No, no, he's got his he's got his his his evening fedora on, not as regular fedora. This is velvet is velvet. Well, it's nice to have company and such a lovely evening. It's normally a very lonely affair eating dinner without someone so beautiful to accompany me. Oh, this is not come naturally to me. So I have to I have to like plumb the depths to find things to say. If someone said this to me in real life, I'd probably be like, that's nice. Chicken fingers. The barbecue sauce here is amazing. I'm just filling up on bread, stuffing breadsticks in my purse.

It's always like an awkward thing, what do you say? If you guys want to pitch in and help me think of things to say, that's perfect. Ask if there's a bottomless salad. I don't want I don't bring bottoms into the equation. Oh, dear. Ask if he has the meats. Taking advice from kaluna. Toss salad? Never mind. Forget I ever asked. I was about to say, you're a drowning woman in the sea and they're going to toss you an anvil. So just get. All right. Yeah. She'll just say something general along the lines of like, well, I'm honored to be asked to your table. I mean, I'm sure that that's a bit of exaggeration that you're always lonely, but I appreciate the compliment.

I wish I were exaggerating, to be honest, but. Well, you know what they say, it's it's lonely at the top. And he's going to oh, he's he's going to gesture around. I'm afraid it doesn't get any more elevated than this. Oh, you have to compliment him about his power. You have to do whatever it is to like butter him up in the end, like, like, oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah, you got to butter him up. You got to be like before doing anything, you got to get it all buttered. You like, oh, shall we fuck? It's like, well, I'd like to I'd like to butter you first. Just spend like three and a half hours just like putting butter on him.

Butter is pooper. Why? What's wrong with you? You're my friend. So you just you just talked about being powerful and being elevated. OK, so I should say. It is one of the more tragic elements of being someone with so much power and influence. It's one of your responsibilities to wield the power that you have and suffer the the unfortunate consequences of that magnitude of influence. Do me a favor, roll diplomacy check. Plus one for that. OK, that doesn't help me. I'm just terrified to fuck this up. It's like the worst ever. OK, OK. Twenty eight plus one. Well, we didn't we didn't set this up so that we can talk about me all evening.

The only reason I was reflecting on it was I was opening my letters for the day and there's some weighty decisions to be made for sure. But the other reason for that was the drawing you gave me earlier, the relic or the half of relic that you said you possessed. Do you know what that does? Do I know what it does? In the Vegas terms? Like Julie, Julie basically said, yeah, it's supposed to give us an edge against fighting the demons. That's it. That's all any one of you have really gotten. Right. OK. I do want to talk about the weighty decisions, but I feel like we're going to talk.

I'll bring that up later. I'll bring that up later. Write that down. Weighty decisions. So I should say, yes, I mean, from what I understand, it has something to do with fighting demons, but. Please enlighten me. He is going to he's going to pull out this morning. He's going to pull out a couple of scrolls and he's going to slide his chair over toward toward Una's and just sort of like cozy up next to her so that he has an excuse to to kind of unfurl these. OK. Well, this is actually a fascinating, fascinating relic. It was divided in two, supposedly created by the gods and kept in separate temples on completely separate continents, originally tied to Vecna.

And its common name is the demons, Bane, when united, but its actual name is Nelatus Cull. Now, I did some research on this. This is a very important item. I have to ask why the passing interest in it. From what I can understand, this isn't something that you would just happen upon. This would probably be something you're deliberately searching for. I don't know how much I should tell him. He did say gods like he did not have any fucking respect for them. So I don't want to be like, as a woman of faith, you know, feel like that's not going to go over well.

So I'll try to say, why don't you tell me everything you know about the relic and then I'll tell you. I'll tell you as much as I can about my plans for it. Try to make it kind of like a little game. Do me a favor, roll a diplomacy check for that. 25. All right. Well, that sounds exciting. I think we could I think we could do that. Sorry, I'm like, no, I'm making faces and occasionally the faces make noises. And he's very he's very like, oh, a game. OK, like he's he's just kind of playing it up. I'm trying to intellectually engage him so I don't have to sexually engage him.

Right. And he is going to his his shoulders going to be rubbing against yours. Just there is zero space between the two of you now. Like he is very like, oh, look at this. And he's going to sort of like just unroll this right in right in front of Uvin. A lot of a lot of hand gestures. So he's like he gets to like, oh, just like. Yeah. Well, legend has it that it was originally created to some sort of final measure in case the seal was broken. Or the magic barrier holding back the demons were for some reason to be tampered with or tainted. This was supposed to be a relic mortals could use to actually stand a chance.

If you believe in such a thing. Beyond that, though, this is a beautiful, beautiful handcrafted relic that is supposedly touched by the gods. And as a researcher, I would give nearly anything to be able to study it, hold it. Test its limits. Who has Julie has it right. OK. Test it with my butthole, says the endos. Thank you. Thank you very much. All right. So he mentioned that. It's a last kind of like measure. It kind of in case emergency break glass type thing. OK. So she'll ask, do you know specifically what it's supposed to do when it when it's activated?

Do you know how to activate it? Do you join the two pieces? Well, there's a reason it was kept on separate continents. There's supposedly a lot of power tied up in the thing. When the two pieces are joined, supposedly it can only be used in the presence of demonic activity. And it's very vague. The old the old books are very, very vague in a sense. But the direct quote is it's supposed to bolster true warriors and give them the strength to fight evil on the demons terms. And that's the hardest facts I can find about it. I do know you need both pieces. Now, it's it's a little unclear as to what that means.

It's some sort of strength or power boost for the wielders or something that weakens demons in general. But the message is very clear. It's supposed to it's supposed to give you an edge in combat. It's supposed to give you something to level the playing field a bit. OK. Do we know where the second half is? You do know that it's supposed to be on Kian. Right. Right. That's why we're going there. OK. Maybe he would be able to know, like more specifically, where the fuck in that goddamn continent is. Hmm. You asking him? Yeah. So in order to say, well, obviously, as a woman who loves power, I can't just do it this one piece.

I would be very grateful and it would be a privilege if you'd share the information. But maybe if, you know, I know that it's got to be buried somewhere in some record and you can't have had that much time to look for it. But if you would if you had some sort of inkling about where the second piece would be. I'm not a foolish man, Una, and I didn't get to where I am without being able to read people, at least to a certain degree. And I can't imagine that you would have asked about any of this earlier without wanting to know where the second piece was.

So I may have had a few of my researchers do us some digging and he is going to reach into into his robes here and he's going to pull out. He is going to pull out. What's he going to pull out? What's he going to pull out? He's going to pull out a thicker scroll. Jesus Christ. And he's going to set the word for the girthy, a very girthy scroll. It's a girthy scroll. Veiny, veiny girthy scroll. And he's going to he's going to set this on the little dinner table and give it a pat. But. Una, that that would violate the rules of our little game, I think. And he's going to take the backs of his fingertips and sort of stroke up and down on his forearm.

I believe we need to keep this tit for tat going. I get to ask you a question now. Oh, tit, tit. This is real. Just pop out a tit. Be like, there you go. Alright, so kind of like, so settle back in her chair, slightly increasing the distance between them, not as like I want to be away from you, but kind of like as like a. Just kind of part of the game. And she'll say, all right, shoot. And he's going to he's going to recline just a little bit. Just. Have you ever given any thoughts to what you're going to do after you're done adventuring? I mean, you can't plan on doing that forever.

And it would be tragic for a woman of such beauty and grace to die out there in some god forsaken pit or at the hands of some barbaric. No. Dwarf. Wow, that is racist. Oh, man, it's like every white person assuming that you also hate. You're on Team White, bro. Right. Okay, cool. So you're entitled, right? This is I think he is more emotionally invested in this. And he's going to he's going to wrap it up. Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after it's all said and done after your. After you hang the hammer up, so to speak. Thankfully, I can answer this totally honestly.

So we'll just kind of like give him like a smile. And this is none. Not no part of this is a bluff whatsoever. So it's going to ring with like. There is no hidden agenda here. It is absolutely her own personal thoughts. Probably the first time she's actually expressed like a totally uncensored thought with him. And she'll say, you know, I have thought about that. But it never really gets farther than the fact that I'm going to die out there. That's just. That's what I am. Women like me, people like me. Getting involved in the kind of things I get involved with, fighting the kind of things I fight.

We die. And we die in battle. And she's going to look like she's a little like it's like there's a little bit of sadness there because she's thinking about Brie, but like. You know, he doesn't have to know that there's acceptance there. Well, that's. A very gloomy thought. I do have follow up questions, but I do want to stick to the rules, so. Yes, I like this game. All right. What do I ask next? Guys? Input. It's like it's genie wishes. Ask him how many inches. I mean, like, actually, like what information do we want to know? Right. I want to know where it is.

Right. The second thing. Well, it's between his legs. Yeah, it's where it's for most people like it's. Yeah. All humanoid type creatures, for the most part. But wait, do we know where the other half is or is that something we do need to ask? Because I know it's in. It's on the continent, but I don't think we have any clue where we we know it's on the other side of the continent from the seal. We found the map to the temple. Okay, so we can find it. We don't need to know where it is. Yeah, I mean, if he can corroborate anything, that's great, though. I think the biggest information we need to know is.

The problem is, is that to get the information we need to know. To give him information back, like, in other words, you can't say like, no, you're randomly how do you defeat all the demons or hey, have you heard about the gods? But I guess I'm not sure. Historically, she could be like, so have you ever read about someone defeating demons or something like that? Yeah, I mean, I think that would be partly that's what we're doing research for, too, with Emerson. So I'm wondering if. There's anything we could find out about the rest of the context, right?

So I am a firm believer that Jason Massey is going to be throwing us curveballs at the end when we're like, oh, my God, are you kidding me about the whole scenario and the whole context about the gods and the demons? So what I'm curious about is what are we going to be curveballed up against at the very end? So what's going on with the gods? Does he know anything about that kind of stuff? Is there any stories? But I don't know. I'm not sure what's the best. Yeah, I'm going to ask where the second half is. I'll ask anything he knows about. I'll be like, hey, you know, we you know, if he asks, you know, I have to go play the fucking game, but I'll talk about demons, ask about gods.

And I think I kind of want to ask about what the fuck is going on with Bree and see if he knows anything along those lines. Right. Yeah. Eric, we can say something. Well, I guess just getting his opinion on what would happen if the seal was open, like, does he believe the demons would be free? Does he believe there's other things going on with the seal? Like, yeah, if that comes up, I'll definitely like if I'm sure he'll mention the seal and like if that comes in, I'll be like, well, like, I'll kind of throw it in. Like, what would you what do you what is your opinion?

Okay. All right. So playing the game. Yeah. So we'll just kind of like settle back and just kind of, you know, the hands on the table, kind of new scroll, laced fingers, like her own fingers and and just say, all right, playing the game. What do you know about the location of the second half? Bit of a half smile curls around his lips. He's going to slide this scroll over over to. I've taken the liberty. Of marking out exactly where the supposed temple is based on. All of the information we could find here. And. All of the information about what lies inside of it.

I will say that if this is for financial gain, which I don't read you as the type of person to be relic hunting in the name of finance. But if it were to be. This is an awfully long way to go and a very dangerous track. Just for money. All right. So, yeah, that's actually really nice of him to, like, basically give us a map with a shit ton of information. So Una will actually be a little legitimately a little bit touched just because it's like, damn, like, that's a lot of work. Thank you. Like, but it's also like, oh, but like the more this guy's doing, the worse it gets.

Because that's actually really nice. But yeah, so she will unroll the scroll and just kind of glance over it. Like, not necessarily like, you know, looking at it specifically, just making sure that he didn't just like. It's not his number. It's Tharia's first dick pic is what it is. He needed a scroll to roll it all out. He got like the one who does portraits to do it. It's a panoramic. It's um. Oh, God. So play the game, play the game. She'll be like, well, does that count as your second question? To put a finer point on it. What is it that you're after? Why would you go to all of this trouble to hunt down a relic with such a specific purpose?

Why would you be asking so many questions about demons? And then earlier, quite assuredly, tell me that you are confident you're going to die. I'd like an honest answer. I promise you that it goes no further than this table. Yeah, right. OK, I don't really want to tell him about like my whole devotion to the gods and wanting to be like released into the world again. And like, I don't necessarily want to like go full into that. So we saw or they saw the demons in the library. And I know about that, right? Yeah, they would have told you. I know Darmok's coming back.

Definitely. OK, so she'll say. All right, honestly, I'm sure a man of your breadth of knowledge will have heard of a man, if you can call it a man. And she'll like take a sip of water or like champagne or whatever the fuck, just like wash the taste out of her mouth called Darmok. And then she's like another big glug, classily, but just like just saying his name is disgusting to her. He was killed. I was there when he was killed and I helped do it. And turns out that he he's enjoying his death a little bit too much and he's gaining power again. And I can't have that.

Do me a favor, roll a PERCEPTION check. Like him and Darmok are like best buds from fucking college. They probably are, honestly. We pledge the same frat. Thirty two. All right. Oh, yeah. There is going to be almost an imperceptible twitch when you mention Darmok's name. And it's kind of it kind of like for the most part, it's just him kind of like dreamily staring at you while you guys are going to banter, banter, banter, banter, like doing that. Darmok, like fuck you say like just kind of that. All right. She's going to like put her hand on his arm, like when she sees him twitch and say.

What to you? What was that? What do you know? Like and she's actually a little concerned because like any time Darmok comes up, it's like, I want to fucking know what the shit. Yeah. It's kind of nice. They're kind of dropping the pretense. I'm OK with this. He is. He's going to look around this room and make sure that there is no one, no one around. And there isn't. It's just kind of a candlelit type environment. Just just the two of you. There are certain names that have become hushed whispers here. Magic wielders who say give us a bad name in the city. That name is one of them.

We knew about his move to Esterholt and some of the things that he had been rumored to be doing there, but. We're forbidden from interfering. Oh, my God, this is going to go downhill real fast. Warning. So I was going to stand up, not like not like quickly, so the chair goes flying backwards like that, but like slowly, like someone who is about to like pounce. And just the rage is going to come pouring in like a fucking tsunami. But it's still internal, has not exploded outward. But it's going to be extremely obvious. I say you knew about what he was doing to Jadzia?

Her jaw is clenched and she's shaking. We weren't given many specifics, just and you can tell he's going into full damage control, like he's going to stand up to just. We weren't given specifics, just. We knew what he was and what he was capable of doing, and. It was decided that it would be best if we left Uminyuro out of the affairs of the mainland and theory as a whole. It hadn't worked out in the past, and it was just seen as best that we govern ourselves. That being said. And he's going to he's going to reach a hand up to his chest. I am wrecked with guilt every day over things like this.

Do you not think that we get an infinite supply of requests for aid from everywhere? And he's going to reach he's going to reach back to the table and there's going to be this this this letter. Do you know what this is, Una? She'll kind of cock her head like she's she's not letting him off the hook, right? But she's making it like clear, like I'll keep listening. You know, but there's there's there's clearly no like it's kind of like a keep talking kind of head motion. It's not a it's there in no there's no conciliation conciliation. So word there's no conciliatory kind of aura to what she's doing at all.

This letter is a request from none other than Takerd Stonesunder himself. That pompous, arrogant fool who's king of the dwarves actually requested aid from us. I can't imagine how much that pained him to write this. Just to get help with their age old problem with the orcs. That by the way, they themselves created if they just stopped engaging them on the battlefield, I'm sure they would have traipsed on to the next city or continent or whatever. But because of their bloodlust, their outright refusal to try and deal with the problem in any other manner, but with their hammers and axes, brute strength, they now have to reach out to us.

And I have to decide whether or not to reach out and help them. Do you know how heavily that weighs on me, Una? Hmm. Okay, let me think. Okay, so Una will kind of like touch his arm and just kind of push him back down into his seat and she'll sit down as well. She'll sit down like a little heavily, like a little, like she's not, this is not resolved per se for her. And she'll say, I can't say I understand the amount of pressure that someone of your stature must be under, but I understand the pain that taking on the problems of the world can put on you.

So I understand that at least, but we have to be honest now. No games, no flirting. I need you to give me all the information that you have on Darmoth, because if you guys didn't step in when you could have to save my dear friend a world of agony, then you need to help me now so I can prevent that for hundreds, if not thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of others. Roll a diplomacy check for me. Oh, come on. That was good. I'm saying it wasn't. It was so good. I want to give you a plus two for the roll, but you still got a roll. All right. Okay. Now watch me like fucking get a one.

Okay. 28. All right. All right. 30. That's all right. He's going to sit there and kind of let this wash over him. I can have our researchers get together everything that we have on him. But as long as we're being honest, I want you. I want you to stay here with me. I want you to retire here by my side and help me make these decisions. I want to give you the power and influence that someone like you deserves. I don't know what I expected. You could be my third mistress. Okay, sorry. I have to move around a little bit. That's okay. Oh, I just like cold sweat on my back.

That is not what I fucking expected. I thought this was like a hookup. Miscalculated. Miscalculated. I feel like I'm into deep. You you could always pussy out and be like, let me think on that. I mean, my my go to you in the morning, like, like that. Just be like, I can't do that. I'm I am a woman in the field like I like I need to be hitting things with my hammer. I'm not happy. I have a few more questions to ask, though. That's true. I want to like redirect it. So just say something like default. She'll just be honored. I mean, like been served the first fucking course yet.

I'd like to think that they are just buzzing in and out. Yeah, they're just like, like that. Maybe they saw how how how cozy up you guys were and it's like, let's not interrupt. Or like maybe even he was like, like just kind of like leaving people. I just like they're coming forward with bread behind my back. He's like, oh, yeah. I mean, all right. Yeah. We'll just like her eyes will just kind of go a little bit wide and she will very honestly say I was not expecting that to be quite honest. Well, normally there'd be a more elegant build up, but. I feel like we're past all that, and I would like to just be honest.

In the spirit of that honesty. In the spirit of that honesty. I want to make my intentions clear. It's been a very long time since I've met a woman who. Fully captured my interest. Most people I find to be very. Dull. But not you. There's something radiant, something. Different about you. I understand if you need time to think about this, but. I am more than willing to. Help you in any way that I can. Just something to think about. I mean, most of my powers do do radiant damage, so. Yeah, do I do I take this opportunity? We're talking about honesty to be like, to be honest, I'm in love with a woman.

I think that's not a good idea. I think it hurt his pride. And he would like, yeah, what was going to say? He would turn into the most annoying character from Friends. Do you remember? Fucking Ross. Yeah. His wife left him for a woman and that was the joke. Oh, right. So, you know, Una miscalculated and if he finds out that he miscalculated. It would be. A huge door closing potentially. Yeah, I feel really bad, but I feel like I can't mention it. All right. So we talked about he said he would give me information about Darmock. So that's basically about the demons.

Kind of. Do I want to ask more about demons? Would you like to know more? Peeps. There might be a chance if you were real sassy about it and rolled a really good diplomacy check if you ask something like, is there anything that only the more influential people could ever find out? Like something that we literally could not find in the regular library. I feel like he's already been top guys. Maybe though, that's a good idea. We need a silver bullet if he's got a silver bullet. In a way. For any of this. Is there a bullet for Darmock? For sure, for Darmock, for the demons, for the whole situation.

So whatever it might be, sort of like, let's cut to the chase. We could do research forever. We could take forever all the time we needed to. But what can you tell me that I'm not going to find out anywhere else? That's going to come at a cost though. This isn't everything. Okay. So she has to address his little weird proposal thing. So she'll just say, well, I can't ever plan for the future in my line of work, but I can't say I'm not flattered. Which I feel like is very diplomatic and says nothing. And just like, part of the fatalism, I guess, that myself and my entire party constantly walks around with is that this is going to happen soon.

And she's going to kind of give him like a meaningful look like, you're a magical asshole. You know what I'm talking about. If there's anything that you know, any smidgen of information, any tactic, any trick, anything that would help us come out of this alive, prevent this from happening in the first place. Anything that we might not be able to dig up, no matter how much research us lowly ones do. Please let me know. Do me a favor. Roll a diplomacy check. Alright. 21? He is going to scoop up Una's hands in his. Do me one favor. Promise me that you'll think about this.

And he's sort of waiting expectantly. I mean, like, it's not a bluff check to say I'll think about it because I'll be thinking about it a lot. Yeah, that's true. Regretting and laughing about it, hopefully with Bree. So she'll say, trust me, it'll be on my mind a lot. And she'll give him a little smile, just a tiny little smile. Right. I've waited a very, very long time to find someone like you, Una. And I would like to make sure that I don't lose you. There are books that even our head researchers don't have access to. I could open those up and send them.

Your party has been speaking with someone in the lower section, correct? Yeah, what was his name again? Emerson. Oh, so yes, Emerson. He's been very helpful. He's been here for a very long time. I'll send over some books right away and hopefully he can just add whatever he's already found out to that. Oh, yes. All right. I did a little fist pump. OK, let's continue, I guess. There's one more thing, Una. If you promise me that after you're done with this quest of yours, whatever it might be, that you return here and we can speak about this further, even if it's a rejection, that you could look me in the eyes and tell me, I may have something that could aid you and perhaps keep you alive a little longer.

God damn. All right. Yeah, no. OK, that makes sense. Una will give his hands like a little squeeze if he's still holding them. Oh, yeah, he didn't let go. All right. And to just say that is touching beyond words. And I promise that if I make it through the coming conflict alive, I will return here and give you an answer to your face, even if it's a rejection. That's all I can ask of you then. She will give him a very charming smile. Very charming. He is going to reach into his room. Again, here we go. And in the chat. Please let it be Dick this time. This will help you survive.

It's a magic scepter. He's going to produce. A small orb looks like it's made of glass, very, very nondescript, kind of fits in the palm of your hand. And there's sort of this this this talent like object, like clutching it like it's like kind of a sculpture, like clutching the thing. He's going to he's going to pull this out and show it to Una. Do you know what this is? What sort of check do I have to do to figure out if I know what that is? Arcana or history. Arcana I have a plus six, history I have a plus six. Let's do history. OK. 30. No, no, no, no. So just give him like a little a little grin.

And it's it's meant to be kind of like jokey and a little bit lighthearted, not just like I'm a dumbass. And just say, right, I have no clue, but it's very pretty. This is a very rare artifact. It's one of only three that were ever created. It's a time dilation orb. With this. You can manipulate the fabric of time itself in small increments, very small. You could move faster than your enemies. And perhaps get the drop on something when you really need it. And he's going to place this in his hand. Damn guys. Fuck yeah. That's awesome. It's like a battle time turner.

Well, mechanically speaking, what it would do is essentially add you to the initiative tracker twice. For every one round your enemies get, you would get two. That is fucking rad. Yeah, there there there are drawbacks there. Yeah, it's not just get like spazzed out in time. Just sit there like flickering. He would he would go on. You jump 17 years in the future, you know. There may be side effects. There may be. Just grow a ton of hair. Yeah. I must warn you that you have to be very careful with this relic. As I said there. This is the only one that I've ever come across and this is from the city's private collection if anyone were to find out that this would be missing.

I would have some things to explain. It's also limited in its power. It will need to be recharged after time. And recharging it is no small feat. Have to be done here at the city. It would take time, effort, and energy. Alright, so that's not that's not an option. What's the recharge rate on it like? Is that you asking him? Oh, I guess yeah. So let's just say a gift like this is of immeasurable value, especially to a warrior. I promise no one will ever hear that it came from you. But I would like to know what happens to use up the power that it has. How long will it last?

We don't have any adapters. Let's just say I would save it for when you feel it's absolutely necessary. But if used sparingly, it should turn the tide in a battle or two. Okay, fuck yeah. Okay, I want to ask him about Bree's like various fucking ailments. But like, how do I describe those? She's got like black spidery shit crawling up her arm. Right? Or is it her chest? It's all of her body now. It would be way funnier for him to be there in person. Like feel like, oh, also, could you look at my friend's rash? I just throwing it out there. That would be funny as fuck.

And please bring your boyfriend to meet your girlfriend. Please. It's not my boyfriend. Okay. Yeah, I don't really know how to explain it. Like, yeah, so she had like werewolfism just with Sion and then this crazy bitch in a swamp perform some magic to suck the werewolf out of her. Or is it vampire? It was werewolf, right? Werewolf, yeah. Just making sure. Him and then the American. Yeah. Yeah. I'll probably just ask if there's someone like who can look at her. Yeah, do they have like a sick bae, like a magic sick bae to diagnose, you know, a potentially ill friend or something like that?

He doesn't have to know all about her. Right? Yeah, you've got to have a sick bae or something like that. Okay. So, yeah, Una will like take it and give him another very, very charming smile and put it in her bag with her hammer. She's using that fucking pockets on this thing. I like that you put the very delicate glass object in the bag with your hammer. Well, I'll like wrap it up and I don't have like a fucking scarf or something. Okay. It'll be fine. Just breaks immediately. Sorry. I'll be going. That means you also classily revealed your cleavage. So I think you should get another plus one to blue polo suit from now on.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if I was wearing a shawl or something, I'll wrap it in the shawl. There we go. There we go. So now the cleavage is exposed and I get pluses to my phone's chips. Can we eat? I would imagine. Yeah, this dinner would probably wrap up and, you know, unless you have anything else you'd want to discuss. Like, yeah, the rest of this would just be like, oh, yeah, dinner. That thing. That backdrop that we made an excuse. Yeah. At the very end of dinner, ask about the g'night. Staying the night. Staying the night. Right. Oh, God. Oh, God. OK. Yeah. No, I know.

I know for everyone. But if I mention it, he's going to fucking. This is the price you might have to pay. You know what? Honestly, like I would put out for a crazy ass fucking object. This is some more than a lobster and steak, you know. So so, yeah, at the end of dinner, I guess over dessert or coffee or whatever. Say I have two more questions, if you don't mind enduring my interrogation for a little bit more. Of course. What what is it? Well, the first one and don't start worrying. I was wondering if there's some sort of. Hospital or a doctor or sick bay that you have here that might be able to treat very magical ailments.

Are you all right? Do you do you need to see someone? And she'll just kind of give him a little smile and say, look at me. Of course, I'm all right. No, this is a very, very dear friend of mine. She's traveling in our party and her life has not been easy and it's it's been getting harder. Damn it, damn it, damn it. I didn't mean that. So God, it's not the only thing around here. It's getting hard. I made it for you. You have to say it. OK, thank you. Just throw the ball downfield and run and catch it. Fine. Well, of course, there's someone we could send your friend to and.

Hopefully it's nothing too serious. I'm sure our people could take care of it. So, yeah, she'll just I'm sure he'll like it, give her the name of it or something like that. So I need to continue with that line of conversation. No. And oh, God. OK, how do I how do I phrase this to make it clear that I want to spend the night with my friends? You can you could say how we're looking for a place to regroup or something like that or. Oh, yeah. Is there an in you recommend my friends and I would like to rest before, you know, all the chaos? Yeah. So she'll like, you know, kind of like get just like that those those motions that you start doing at the end of a dinner where you're like, and now I'm getting ready to leave.

Kind of. Oh, yeah. But, you know, very like not like and now I'm going to get the fuck out. You know, like right. Slowly. You're getting your bag ready. You got it kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Arranging your skirts and everything, as I'm sure you're super familiar with Jason. Yeah. Look at these legs. I just say, well, last thing, I was just wondering if you'd recommend an inn. My friends, I would like to stay somewhere and rest before the chaos that will certainly ensue in our following adventures. Well, I did get the bill for the spa visit that you and your friends made earlier today, and he's got it.

He's going to raise a hand. Not that I mind. Of course. I'm glad to see that your group is getting to know our city and all of its many pleasures. He's going to stand up and very slowly circle the table and then stand behind Una. And place his hands on her shoulders, just just very, very lightly, just kind of rub. I would be more than happy to take care of your friends and make sure that they have someone. Lead them to our finest in. They can continue to be pampered and rest their weary bones from what? But I can only imagine to be a terrible journey you've must all be on.

However, I have a proposition for you. You seem like the sort who has trouble opening up only thinks about the task at hand. You've told me yourself that you're worried about your own demise on this quest. What if you and I kept each other company tonight? So that you can have a proper send off for the rest of your quest. I had so many double chins from just like backing away from the fucking computer and like I hit the back of the fucking wall and it was just like trying to fucking dig through with my shoulder blades. Oh, my God. I thought I was getting out of there alive.

Oh, I don't put on the first date. Fuck off. The chat you might be able to get away with just a beach. I think it's important to say that that's what Jasper said. He's going to always not to. He's going to lean down and whisper in his ear. Let me move my pop filter for this last bit. I want to give the simulation of my speaker. No, this is for listeners more than you. I want to make you feel amazing this evening and give you a memory that you can take with you for all those long, cold, lonely nights on the road. They're not exactly cold or lonely asshole.

God damn it. He's really full of himself. You're just getting that. I mean, yeah, but like I thought maybe you are killing it. I don't want to get in the way. I just want to tell you. That was you're about to be true. You're about to be filled with them to be full of himself. Okay, okay. How do I get my values, but I could at least probably go with my friends and make excuses first. Okay, you know, I'm going to make another game because this appears to work. So just stand up and like gather her things and just say, wait, so where's quarters in this office area to know he?

Yes, okay. So say, why don't you give me directions and I'll go meet up with my friends and maybe at some point the night you'll see me again. I'd hate to be predictable. Oh, he's going to have just the just a wry smile. Good. Okay, it landed. And he's going to he's going to jot down directions and kind of lean in and he's going to kiss Una on the cheek. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. I'll allow that. And after that, he's going to lean into your ear again. God damn it. All these fucking ears. What's with ears? People out there. It's not that sexy unless like, you know that they.

Yeah, just fucking avoid the ears. Just God damn it. I don't think anybody's taking like advice from this guy. Like, I don't think they're following his. Don't do this. Just shove scrolls down your pants and keep looking out slowly. Just scrolls and orbs. Just make them girthier as you go. Scrolls and orbs. I've been taking notes this whole time. Okay, cool. This is this is how I woo women. This is. So he's going to he's going to lean into his ear after the kiss. I promise you. You won't regret it. And then he is going to back away. I want to thank you for sharing an absolutely enchanting evening with me and.

Well. To be honest, you. Had given me. The best dinner I've had in a very long time. Una. All right. That's nice and cordial. So, yeah, she'll just smile. She'll say, well, I can't say that you haven't given me all of the information and more that I needed as well as a few other things. And I have to say that it was an added benefit to be able to give you such a wonderful dinner and make you happy. And then she will turn around and flounce on out as fast as possible while still being polite. Okay. Fucking hell, that went so much better than I anticipated. And now we will play the other dinner.

From the top, everybody. So it all starts with rolls. Oh, shit. Is there a serving girl that I can nibble on the years of? Oh, God. Good job, asshole. Oh, God. Yeah, it was I would imagine it's fairly relaxing. Bree wouldn't be relaxed the entire time, obviously, knowing that in another room somewhere that that's going on. So just kind of picking at her food and stuff, but how horribly wrong does it go when Kaluna demands to be told about brothels? Please, roleplay this. I want to hear this conversation. Well, how how would they ask? Well, I think first they would freak out about Merrick's mustache.

What the fuck did you do? It's gone. It's gone. No, it's not gone. It's not gone. It's mostly there. It's mostly there. Just, you know, it's time for a time for a refresh. OK, OK. And then I imagine, like, food gets there, food, food is eaten. And then, like, probably the appetizers. I'm thinking about this too much. But but then Kaluna would sort of like remember, like, we are supposed to learn about a thing. So they would turn to Merrick. I imagine that like sitting right next to him. So it's one of those really awkward things where it's like, let me lean on the table to talk to you.

And then they go, you need to tell us about brothels. Merrick's going to do the like pinching the top of his nose thing. Thanos will also perk up and lean forward. Yeah, you promised. Brothels. By the way, Thanos noticeably knew what a brothel meant earlier. This is just for enjoyment. OK, I mean, at this point, I'm sure that Kaluna understands, having had many discussions with Merrick about all sorts of things, at least what sex is. Right? I don't know. I feel like this is the only context in which it would come up. OK, so a brothel is well, let's start from the beginning.

Men and women, mostly men. Are awful people and they often want to do things with each other that normally you would want those things to happen in a safe place. And I guess this is let me start over. A brothel is a place. It could be a house. It could be a room. It could be the floor of a building. Where people engage in activities with each other on a very intimate level and they pay for that activity. And he's just going to lean back and just take a sip of his wine like he's done. But what activity? I've got to say it. I've got to do it. Biological beings.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Men and women and they want to touch each other and be part of each other in a way that's really meaningful. And sometimes people can't do that because they don't have anybody to do that with. So they go pay someone to do that with them. And that's all a brothel is, is a place to be able to pay for people to tickle you in nice ways. And then he's going to lean back and take a sip of his wine as though he were completely done. OK. OK. Why? What? Why did you have to talk about it all weird then? We don't. That's. Yeah, it's just. Well, I didn't want you to get excited about it because I know how much you like to be tickled.

And then he's going to he's going to glance at Santos. Like, kind of like basically stop this and then he's going to lean back and drink a sip of his wine like he's completely done. You need to tell us about the other thing, the weird sleep, the weird sleep. And they're going to look back to Santos like for confirmation. The weird sleep? The weird sleep. When did that come up? Because we said sleeping. Yeah. Oh, the weird sleep. They kept asking if they were going to sleep together. Oh, no, that's just more tickling. It's just a different type of tickling. It's the same thing.

So, you know, the thing that people do when they go to the brothel? Mm hmm. Okay. Well, the reason they go to the brothel is because they don't have anybody to do that tickling with. So sleeping is the weird sleep is tickling with somebody who you already know really well and you want to do that. And it's and it's and you'll pay for it or anything. So it's really pretty simple, honestly. But I just don't want you to get excited because I know why don't they just get friends to tickle? Yeah, that's basically all it is. They're just really good friends. And you know what?

Sometimes, you know how, you know, when you get tickled and sometimes it just kind of it's enough and you kind of want it to stop. You have to make sure that you're with somebody who knows when to just stop. You keep talking like we like tickles. We don't like them. Merrick. Merrick, do you like tickles? Imagine that you like tickles. At this point, Ordon is going to be like, hold up, hold up. Kaluna. Yes. How do Wildin... Do you have any siblings? They're going to shake their head. OK. Do you have parents? Kaluna is going to stiffen up. Wow, this is good food.

Good food. Ordon will look uncomfortable at that, but I guess he won't push the point any further. Yeah, Merrick will be drinking his wine and just staring at Ordon, not in a bad, not like evil or angry, but just sort of like eyes a little bit wide open, like, dude, you landed it. Just be done. Be done. Be done. Julia is going to be visibly annoyed. I forgot Julia was done. That's why she's annoyed. Here's the thing. Visibly annoyed at a couple of things. One, that this conversation continues to chug on. Two, that you are blatantly misinforming them. Like just it's like that is not factually accurate.

That's true. Please do me help. I have diagrams. None of that. And the longer you go on with the tickling, the tickling thing, it's just like, oh, my God, they they they they can hold a knife. They're old enough to know like what like it's just they both murdered people. Right. It's like, how do you not know this? But yeah, just visibly annoyed, not chiming in, just visibly annoyed. Thanos looks very pleased with herself and she's going to keep eating like this. Just a regular conversation. So how often do you get tickled, Merrick? He's going to he's going to roughly and annoyingly, annoyedly say it's been a long time.

He's going to lean back, take a big he's going to finish the glass of wine, whatever's left in it. And he's going to lean back like he's completely done. Can I what can I roll to see if Kaluna would connect the dots from what Ordon said? Give me an intelligence check. Oh no. That would totally be nature. Oh, my God, I can't see nature. Like two dogs humping in the forest or something and like. Well, my thing is, if nature hasn't come into play at this point, why would it now? Why would that be the why would that be the clincher? You know what mommies and daddies do?

If dogs humped in the forest, does it still because one of them probably does. Oh, my God. Yes. Yes. Kaluna would would finally start putting some pieces together. I feel like they would be like eating like the main course or something. And they finally figured out and they'd be like. And they would turn to me and they would just be furious that he's not tickling. Mary, just Mary's going to just his shoulders are just going to droop and he's just going to just be defeated. Just. I'm going to get some more wine, please. And he's just going to lift his hand for like to get someone's attention.

Oh, yeah. This is dying on the other side of the table. Kaluna is going to scoot away from Merrick. Like, you know, the thing where you like you pick up your chair while you're still sitting in and you just kind of hop over. Just like nasty. I would honestly say that the group's dinner is longer than when in Duskwalkers. So much so that I would say that you guys are still kind of finishing things up when Una would find the group. Merrick is smashed at this point, by the way. He's he's a really polite drunk, but he is he's so happy to have gotten clean to have such a nice meal.

They're in Umineiro. He's just going to let loose. Missing the plate with his fork at this point. Yes. Yes. All right. Sweet. That's good. That's a good sign for everyone. So I'm assuming I can just come straight up their table. Yeah, they don't care. We'll just walk up to the table and she will look like successful. There's really an air of like, fuck yeah, fucking did it. Bree is going to be paying rapt attention. Merrick's going to do a fist bump. He's going to put his fist out. Yeah, she'll fist bump him. Super drunk. Super drunk. Yes. Yes. Yes. Una. Una. Yes. Yeah.

So she'll just like pull up a chair, sit down and say, well, I hope you all had a lovely dinner. Yes. No. Merrick taught us about tickling. Una's going to snap their head. Snap their head over. No. No. In weird sleep. In weird sleep. Una's just going to bury their face in their hands. Una's just going to take all this in. It's like half super amused and half just like, what the fuck? Yeah. So it's amused and bemused. She's going to look over at Thanos like, oh, you've been getting like some sex ed classes then. I think so. There was a lot of interesting terminology.

Tickling. Merrick's going to give a big thumbs up. Like, Una's just going to look at Merrick like, are you fucking kidding me? Yes. So it's just like she kind of shake it off and say, well, I got a lot of information. Some good news. We are going to be given books that not even the head researchers are allowed access to. He's going to be compiling information for us about demons in Darmok. And she'll like start reaching her back and she'll realize that she's in like a restaurant, basically. And there are people around. So she's like, you know, just like take your hand out and just say, and we had a lovely dinner.

And she's going to look at Breen and say, and it was very tasteful. Breen was kind of waiting for the punctuation. Like it's like, and then it was just very tasteful. She's going to lean over and hug Una. And just not really say anything, but just. Yeah. All right. Una will tactfully pull away from the hug long enough where it's like that's clearly not a romantic hug. Just because they're in a restaurant that like, you know, I don't want his like little fucking sparrows to go like, you know, talking. Yeah. But she will hold Breen's hand under the table. And so any information here, besides the fact that you had had a economics explained to you?

What? People paying for sex, Kaluna. People paying for sex. And Kaluna doesn't look any more like enlightened, just like what? And then they'll take a second and then, oh, oh. Ugh. Brothel. Brothel. Maric's like, Kaluna scoots away again. So we're not going to go to a brothel later. No. OK. We're going to be a little bit disappointed. Maric shrugs. Maric shrugs. Maybe. Sure. Yeah, Julie is still visibly upset. Just, just like, just. Looks like she needs some tickles, guys. She probably fucking does. That bitch needs to get some tickles. Yeah, she needs to relax a little bit.

Maric really did. Did she participate in the spa? Yeah, she was there. It's just very... She views a lot of this like, this is a waste of time, but it's not like we could do anything until we get that information. All that. Like, it's just very... We got stuff to do. It's fine, we got to be here and whatever, but let's not revel in it to the point where it's, you know. She's kind of no-nonsense. Um. No tickles. She's kind of no-nonsense. Una will look over at Julie and just like, kind of give her like a little smile. Kind of satisfied smile. And just say, you know, sometimes letting loose a little bit and relaxing a little bit can be really beneficial.

And I think I helped us make progress with research that we wouldn't have made in years of studying here. So, let's pull a stick out of your butt just a little bit and uh, how do I get a glass of wine? Roll a diplomacy check for me, please. Okay. I wouldn't mind that being an intimidate, but I don't think it works that way. *laughter* I will literally put a stick in your butt and then pull it out. I was about to say, yeah. Yeah, no. 28? Okay. Wait, is your cleavage still out? Because that might be a 29. She's my sister. That's her sister. *laughter* But yes, it is.

Yes, sister. It's true order. Targaryen-wise, that's totally fine. And honestly, like you can't have kids, so really, what does it matter? Yeah, where's the taboo there? In my head, no. Don't make that happen. *laughter* I appreciate everything you must have went through to get those perks. I'll try to relax a little bit, but if we could hurry some of this up, it'd be really great. You know, end of the world, that whole thing, whatever. I'm just gonna roll her eyes and just say the end of the world isn't gonna come faster if you're miserable and dirty. Yeah, she's gonna just kind of narrow her eyes and take another long sip from this wine.

Good. Get drunk. You guys wanna wrap up dinner and get ready and leave the restaurant here? Yep, all good. So who's gonna carry Merrick out? He can do it. In fact, he'll insist that he does it alone. He's good to drive. I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it, I got this. I think Bree would- I'm sorry. Nope, nope, go ahead. I do think Bree would kind of maybe give a steadying hand. She'd be concerned, because it's like never seeing Merrick like this. It's like, oh god, is he okay? Can he not handle liquor at all? I'm so glad you're here. The one who is pointedly standing away from him.

I fucking love you. I'm so glad you're here. I'm so glad you're here. Just mildly come to her like, uh huh, yeah. Mmhmm, buddy, yeah. So good, so good. Your breath smells like wine. Let's get, maybe, let's go and... Let's go. As they're leaving, Uno would like to pull Ordon kind of aside. As like, you know, they're just walking through the streets, I guess. Okay, well he'll join you willingly. Cool, so she'll say, hey, I don't mean to push in on your business or anything like that, but... I know you used to be basically the royal guard for Stonecinder, right?

One, yes. Well... Again, your business is your own, and I don't want to pry too much, but... Something that Duskwalker mentioned, he got a letter from Stonecinder, which... He seems to have an intense hatred of dwarves, and it seems like the feeling is mutual, so... This seems like it's kind of a big deal. I'm not really familiar with the battles there, but I'm sure you are. I feel like I should let you know, it seems like it's dire. And he's gonna be... You're gonna see his face kind of fighting with disbelief and anger, kind of, at the same time. He's like, we would never beg the mages for anything.

What kind of help? And he's trying to fight the disbelief, at the same time with the wanting more information. So she'll just give a sympathetic shrug and say... I mean, I can't really say specifically, but it seems like they need military help. It seems like... I don't know if a battle is going poorly for them, or if an invasion is imminent, or what, but it seems like they needed... Help in the War Department, to be honest. And she's gonna see how emotionally affecting this is, and she feels really bad about bringing this up. And Ordinal, I mean, I guess he'll let out this big sigh, and just... thanks for sharing.

You were able to get other information? And he's clearly trying to change the subject. Yeah, she'll give him a little smile, like... Yeah, I got quite a lot of other information, but I'll go over that later. I felt like you should know this personally, and privately. And he'll give you a little smile and nod, and kind of clam up. Alright, so yeah, just continuing to the inn, then. That's all I wanted to do with it, but yeah. Hmm. So I would kind of fast forward things a couple of hours, and sleeping arrangements, like the sleeping arrangements have been made.

For the party, they would have been told, you know, "Oh, if you're gonna be staying here and everything." This is like staying at like a five star hotel, like this is nice. Like these are probably the... No, not probably. These are the nicest sleeping accommodations. Free Wi-Fi? Whatever. Dude, the works. We're talking free room service, Wi-Fi, the whole... Those jet tubs? Oh, god. You guys are being... Heated floors? You guys are being pampered. Wait, do they have a massage chair next to the bed? It's one of those in the nicest hotel I've ever stayed in. The nicest motel I've ever stayed in feature.

But yeah, there'd be sleeping arrangements and stuff like that. So this is later in the evening on the 14th of Thorim. Same day that you've arrived. You guys have come a long way here in terms of where you started when you entered the city. Can I send Duskwalker like a thank you note? I don't know if like... I don't want to go to his house this evening, but I do want to send something that will sustain the relationship a little bit. If anyone has any like... Flowers? Flowers seem like a feminine gift. I'm gonna say like a bottle of... Like the perfume that I was wearing?

That's too much. Spray this on your pillow. Something to keep him... Oh, go ahead. If you wrote him a note and just kind of like dropped hints like "I've become too busy to see you tonight, but I will be thinking of you." Something like that. You guys are still in the city for a little while. Maybe another day or two. So while it might not be tonight, that type of thing. Leave it open-ended. You could go see if you could buy a small bottle of some sort of liquor or liqueur or some sort of after dinner... And then say "this will keep you warm" or something like that.

Like a Colt .45. Okay, that's actually pretty good. Since I can't beat that, this will keep you warm. Yeah. I'll just figure out some way, like talk to the hotel people or whatever about finding a bottle of something kind of nice. I'll write a little note that's just like "thank you for a lovely dinner and wonderful conversation." "And all you've done for us and given us and all that stuff." "My companions and I have a lot to talk about, so you know." "I find myself too busy to visit you tonight, but I hope that you enjoy this bottle without me." And then future, just vague and friendly and thankful.

Right. All right. And they will take care of that and send it on its way. All right. Thank you. Sorry about that. I just want to make sure that like I'm not just like "yeah, we'll see what happens" and then not text him back, basically. Right. Is there anything you guys would like to do before we kind of wrap things up for the night, both in-game and out-of-game? In-game, Mary's gonna go to sleep. Lucky Mr. Drunky Pants. Yeah. And he gets enough water. Do we have individual rooms? Yeah, but all the rooms are kind of linked. Like if you ever stay at a... There's doors leading to the other rooms, that type of thing.

Holy shit, we're so fancy, we have our own rooms. Maybe there's a common room that everything's connected to. There'd be like a sitting room type of thing, yeah. The only thing I need to do is gonna be done in the morning, so... So I'll tell you what, we'll wrap things up here and kind of... So that'll be the 15th of Thorim. And you guys are gonna get started in the morning here. What would everybody like to do here, just to kind of start your day off? Before you go see the researcher. -Drunk tea. -Morning, sis. -Drunk tea. -Get someone a gas station burrito?

-Is that what people do? -Mm-hmm. -Sure. -Not when you're taking the time to stay in a fancy hotel. I mean when people are drunk, Jason. I don't know, I don't know the protocol. I was trying to make a joke. Ah, okay. I would never eat a gas station burrito when I was sober, let alone it being something I never had. I've actually had some really good gas station burritos. -Oh. -Yeah. When Santos comes downstairs for breakfast, it's notable that she has like a small braid to the side of her hair, in the side of her hair. But it's very poorly done. -Aww. -Aww. So, no scene or anything, I just wanted to throw that in there.

-Kaluna would absolutely compliment it. -Aww. Oh yeah. Una will definitely, now that all the shenanigans are over, she'll definitely comment on everyone's, you know, looking like fucking good again and be like, "Marrick, the mustache, I like it." Thanks. He's gonna, you know, touch the mustache. I think he's actually not even used to where it stops now, so he'll probably not grab it immediately. He'll probably reach too low for it and be like, "Oh, right. Yeah, thanks." You know, hitting the reset button. So we're all kinda gathering for breakfast then?

-Yes! -Yeah. Yeah, just tea and scones and whatnot in the beautiful little sitting room. Ordon will probably come out a little bit later than everyone else, and he clearly has not slept a wink all night. As relaxed as everyone else looks, he is the opposite. And he'll kinda turn to Marrick, and he's just wracked with, not guilt, probably more indecision. And he's like, "Marrick, we need to talk." Marrick will stand up immediately and be like, "Okay, what's going on? Do you wanna talk here? Do you wanna talk somewhere else?" Here's fine. I mean, I guess it, at least to some extent, affects everyone here.

Last night I got some news. It sounds like the dwarves are going back to battle with the orcs again. Shit. I've missed the last couple battles. I missed Winterhaven. I missed a lot of things working in my forge. But I had a reason. Now, as much as I believe that what we're doing here is important, I'm still not a full believer. We're kinda chasing after the best possibility, but we don't know where it's leading. I can't be away from my king. I can't be away from my people if they need me now. Marrick will imagine he's sitting again. He'll hang his head a little bit, out of disappointment in a lot of ways.

Ordan, we've... I've... I don't wanna speak for everybody, but I've needed you here. And I appreciate what you've been able to do for us so far. And I hope that you'll be able to do that again. But I do understand. And if you feel like that's where you need to be, then that's where you need to be. And he's gonna look around. Marrick will look around at Kaluna and Thanatos in particular. Is this... Is this immediate, Ordan? It's gonna take me a while to get back there. I'm not gonna be able to make it to Kian, so there's no time like the present. Marrick's gonna stand up and go straight over to him and give him a huge man armor hug thing.

Like clang clang clang clang clang clang. And he'll receive it warmly and give you a hard thump on the back. It's been an honor to fight beside you. You guys have a tough road ahead. Someone's gotta get to that seal and make sure that at the least no one else uses it. Well, that I can guarantee. Or we'll all die trying. And so Ordinal, you know, kind of step back and look over the rest of the party. Kaluna would stand up and go over to give him a hug. And again, Ordinal smile and hug and a little softer pat on the back than he gave Marrick. Wow. Okay, cool.

Kaluna will sort of take a little step back and they'll look down at him. And that's something I never get to say. It's magical. They'll look down at him and they'll say, "You're strong. Just, you know, don't die." And remember, your God's out there, just not the way you think. And they'll sort of pat his head before they go back to sit down again. Santos will be just, she'll kind of stay sitting because hugs aren't really her thing. But she'll give him one of those half-bro nods and be like, "I'm sorry I blew you up that one time." And he'll let out that big belly laugh and say it was worth seeing it done.

Oodle will give him one of those Lord of the Rings wrist handshake things. And just say, "I'm sorry to lose an ally, but you are doing the right thing." I'm sorry I never got to see you put that hammer into action. Just keep your eyes on the horizon, I'm sure you'll see it. And he'll smile. Julie would shake Ordinal's hand, just kind of the similar thing of like bro nods. Like, but just tell him good luck. Bree on the other hand would give him a hug. And he'll return it. And he'll kind of give Bree a searching look. You have some choices ahead of you. If you guys succeed and gain the seal, you have the power to change the lives of everyone.

If everything we've been told is true, you can make the world a better place for everyone you have ever loved. You would be doing the world an amazing service. She's going to look down while you're saying all this. I know it won't be an easy choice. But what could possibly await us in an afterlife without the gods? And he'll just kind of trail off. I hope you make the right choice. Yeah, me too. Just take care of yourself, okay? I will. It's one of the few things I'm good at. And he'll kind of give a wry smile and kind of give a wave and he'll head back to his room to grab his pack.

Guys, I think that's a good time for us to wrap things up for the evening. Yay! Oh, sad. And boo. He was sad at the end. Yeah. So many emotions in this episode. Mostly disgust, but then... I was about to say there was disgust, there was... There was regret. Happiness for the people who weren't feeling disgust and regret. On the 19th of Thorim, in the city of Esterhold, its current mayor, Jadzia Grimnus Grace, is busy preparing her office for her many guests set to arrive the following day. Ugh. What are you doing? Oh, Valis. Um, she'll kind of back away from the table.

Nothing. You really shouldn't be moving anything that heavy. It's fine. I... Well, I was just thinking that if anything goes wrong tomorrow morning, if anything important happens and we don't have time, it might be better to set up this room for your brother's arrival. Hm. We shouldn't be moving anything for him. She's gonna kind of half-juckle and then move over to him and put her hand on his chest. It's important. At least to your mother, right? Hm. Then why couldn't we do this in Brightport? I'd like to think it's because of the dragon. But she does not look at all convinced.

Like, we all know why. It's because it's on its way. That's the only reason. She'll kind of like half shrug and then motion towards the table. Help me move it, okay? Fine. And he'll move over and kind of slide the table out so it's a little more in the middle of the room so that everyone can- I like to imagine she was using both hands and tugging as hard as she could and barely moves this thing and then he reaches out with one hand just like, "Eh." Pulls the whole thing out five feet. Just yeah. There's gonna be kind of a beat after the table is moved. I imagine both of you are kind of checking around, like, "Do we have enough chairs?" That type of being good host type stuff.

She should be here in a few hours if she's taking the dragon. Judsy Lynette will nod and look a little bit sheepish. Alright. Is there anything else? Like, do you know what she likes? You mean, like, food? Yeah, like, I just- This is the first time I've ever had to entertain guests specifically this way. He's- okay, he's gonna look genuinely confused 'cause it's not- It very much looks like he's never given it thought. I don't know, like- There's gonna be a long beat just- I've- Fruit? I don't know, honestly. And she's gonna kind of throw her head up in the air and shake her arms.

Like, she's super nervous. And that's weird because she's faced dragons and shit without getting this nervous. But now she's like, "Oh no!" I just- I barely remember your brother. I remember- I remember a little bit, but most of it's not great. He- okay. Seeing you're that nervous, he would move over. And kind of put an arm around Jancy and- Start to- I would imagine he'd start to console- "Oh, if you're worried about Tessie, everything's fine. She likes you, that's fine." Then the instant you start talking about Malchus, it's like- You're gonna notice, like- The hand-eye energy's kind of tightened just a little bit.

Can I ask you what exactly is expected of you? What does he want you to do? I think it's because I was there. I- I'm sure that he's not being looked upon too favorably. And she's gonna kind of look up at him like- By most people. And maybe he expects that I can give him a good- Word? So he wants something. He always wants something. She's going to sigh and reach up and cut the size of his face for a second. And I imagine that he's so tense that he's not even moving- But she'll move up to give him a little kiss to the chin. Because if he doesn't move his head, she can't kiss his lips.

That's kind of a thing. And then she'll kind of look back over the situation of the room, which looks very nice. I'm assuming. It is the mayor's office. Like I'm sure the table's really pretty and all that. I don't know much about family. But if you want something, and it would make your mother happy if we gave it to him- We could at least hear him out, right? Long pause. Just long pause. We didn't invite her to the wedding. She actually whispers that to him. Like during the long, long pause, she's like, "Come on." I think the pause would continue. You could see he's clearly in thought.

Just, "Mmm, fine. We'll hear him out." But it sounds like he's looking for someone to vouch for him. Let's say it comes to that. What exactly would you say about him? John's mouth is going to twitch down just a little bit. Like, "Oof." You know, like the choker's like, "Yeah, oh boy." What I remember from that day is we were on the battlefield all together. And I didn't know him. But he was there, and then he wasn't. And then everything came apart. Probably for the best. But I don't know. That's- I was abandoned on the battlefield by one of the people that was supposed to help.

I'm not sure if I can defend that. I know he hurt people I really care about. I know he's hurt you, so... And she's gonna kind of look away and give that a moment to kind of permeate the room. But if he makes a good case, and maybe make your mother forgive me a little bit for what we did, maybe it'd be worth it to put in a semi-good word. I feel like, um... His expression would soften a little bit, and he wouldn't be squeezing so tight or anything like that. Do you know how long I've been waiting for people to see him like I do? And the second it feels like that's going to happen, we're probably going to have to defend him.

He's not gonna remember things that way. He'll come up with some justification. He always does. Something that paints him as the hero. Listen to me. And she's gonna kind of take his face and make him look down in that way. That like sometimes when people, specifically people who have anger issues, get really mad, like they just look forward and they don't move, so she's gonna kind of force him to look down at her. We don't have to do anything. He's coming to our home. We're going to host him and his friends, and your mother. And we're going to hear him out.

Whatever we decide after that is our choice, and you're my advisor, right? Yes. You have a say. I'd never do anything without talking to you first. And if we have to tell him no, we'll tell him no. And he's gonna nod. Alright. That actually makes me feel a little better. After a bit, he's gonna look around at the table and then chairs and stuff. I'm gonna go get a few more chairs. Don't lift anything while I'm gone. And just, it's not a stern, it's not like a stern, it's like "Riiiiight?" Like, "Don't?" as he's getting ready to pull away. Right. She'll kind of do a little half-shuckle and hold up her hand like she's pledging something.

Like, "I won't. I swear." Alright. And he's gonna take his hand and kind of place it on Jadci's stomach. And then after a beat, lean in and kiss her. So, Ballas is going to leave the room and stomp down the hallway. And after a moment, the candlelight in the room is going to dim. There's gonna be a voice that comes from the corner next to the door. It's sort of steeped in shadow. "It's alright, sweetie." And then Darmok is going to step out of the shadows and into the light in the room. "I'm here now." Howdy everybody out there! I hope you like what you just heard.

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