Abomination

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Text grade to 323232 now. Text grade to 323232. - So let's go around and do the introduction thing. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table we got, let's start with Jake. - What's going on? I'm Jake. I am a dragonborn fire mage known as Draconis. - Rob. - My name is Robert Wiesahan. I am playing Malchus Grimnus, Tiefling Warlock. - Justin. - Hi, I'm Justin Massey. I'm playing Jarek Ironhide of Warforge Descent. Is that not offered? - He's a quarter Warforged on his mother's side. It's just a metal arm. And a 50 Warforged on my father's side. - Oh, so his wife is his metal arm and...

(laughing) He's a Warforged Mudblood. Tyler. - Hi, I'm Tyler. I play Thorosongsteel, a human scout. - And Tom. - Hey, I'm Tom and I play Yennward Firestomp, a minotaur fighter. - Right off the bat today, you guys got choices to make. - Choices, choices. - So... - Take my hand. Take my hand. - Could you at least let people know what that's a reference to? 'Cause I think that's gonna happen six or seven times. - Everybody in the vicinity of my voice Google a music video. The band is called Candlemass and the song is called Bewitched. And it will tickle your pink.

Watch a VH1 way later than I should have last night in that little gem. - Those leather pants, dude. Those... - Snake boy. - Anywho, I can just hear thousands of people pausing to go check this out. And then enjoy every time Tom. - It's Jesus. - What does the collective disappointment sound like? - But we'll get it back every time Tom does the take my hand line throughout this show. We'll get it back. To refresh everyone's memories, because it's again been a while since we recorded. You guys just defeated three Titans, which should not have happened as easily as it did, but it did.

So... - We are awesome. - We accept the dice rolls that were given. So you guys beat the shit out of three Titans and cleared out this highly sought after bit of land in the forest. This is pretty much where the Warforged had kind of rooted in like a tick. Those Titans just kind of plunked their fat ass down in the middle of this place and no one could take them. So by dividing their forces between the elves fighting a lot of the regular Warforged, and then you guys taking on those big ass Titans, you've cleared out this little chunk of forest and now the only thing you have to worry about is an attack by the Warforged to try and take it back.

Just after you've cleared this place out, the orb in Rodswell's hand is going to immediately start pulsing and then just shock the living shit out of him. He's going to cry out in pain and then fall prone. - Well, Malchus runs over and checks on him. - Okay. So just Malchus runs over and he's showing, he's breathing, but he seems to be comatose. He's not responsive to anything, but he seems to be in a great deal of pain. - Okay, so I guess he's like, he's not out completely. He was just shocked and now he's like, fuck. - He's unconscious, but it's almost like watching someone dream and you can tell they're having a bad dream.

It's something like that where he's out and you can tell like it's kind of face is twisted up. He's still experiencing pain. - Okay, so I guess grabbing him and hauling him to the corner like somewhere underneath the tree would be a good idea. Right? - Well, that's okay. This is where your first choice is going to come in for the day. This siege isn't over. So you can either take, stop. - You knew I was about to jump. - I know, I know, just you can either. (laughing) - He was born into that gulf. Okay, okay, I'm sorry, sorry. Okay, so he kind of crumbles and he is not on this rock.

Where is he? - Well, okay, so he's out and unconscious. - Okay. - There will be a retaliatory strike by the war forged. - Yeah. - It could take a while, but it's going to happen. Meanwhile, the fight isn't over for the rest of the elves. The bulk of their forces and the elves are still going at it and the entirety of the white ravens, except for Brianna who's standing next to you. So you're faced with a decision right off the bat. - Okay. - You have no healer. Your healer is down and you can either. - Charge and help them out while being, like some of us have no dailies or some of us have no healing surges or both, or rest here and wait for them to strike back.

- That's kind of the options. Brianna's also going to investigate Rodswell and she has no, I mean, she's not a healer. - Just kind of like take a look at it, like, oh, he's fucked up. - I mean, that's basically all any of you can do is like, well, that's not right. Like that's not any good. - It's a shame that the person I would ask for medical attention is the very person who's suffering. - Well, we could just pull a malkus and like do what he did with us, where it's like, breathe, damn you, breathe. Like how he did with Ironhide. Like just jump up and down on me.

- Brianna, did he get hit during the fight? - I think it was the orb. - I don't know if he got hit or not. - He's been, something's affecting him. We haven't been able to figure out the nature of it, honestly. - The entire time that you're talking, that orb is still doing the pulsing thing. So it's kind of intermittently glowing. - Okay, can somebody reach down and grab it? - Sure. - I'm thinking like, would it be a good idea? Like obviously touching is a bad idea. So maybe stomp in the motherfucker? - While it's in his hand? - Well, I mean, like we could always like, like move it with a sword or something.

Okay, I'm gonna try to reach down and grab at it. - So, okay, you're reaching down to grab the orb. - Yes. - Okay. Do me a favor. - Oh shit. (laughing) - What do you think it's just gonna be? And I do. - I should have known there would be consequences for actions. - Give me a, give me an Arcana check. - Oh, you want Arcana check? Oh, you stupid bitch. You don't even know what you're asking for. So let's see, I'm more Arcana than anyone can. - Okay, so that's a 33. And you're reaching down to this thing and you can feel that if you try to pry this out of his hands, it's gonna defend itself.

Now, you know that, like it's not even, it's not, so do you wanna keep, do you wanna try? - Okay, is this like a dead man's grip? Like he's like got his hand like wrapped around the sucker or is it just kind of laying there limp inside of his palm? - Well, it's both, like he's got a hold of it, but it's nothing, it's this big orb. It's like a magic eight ball size. So you could take, like it's magically grafted to his hand is what I'm saying. It can be pried from him, but it's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt the shit out of anybody that tries. - I'm thinking maybe if I, can I swat it out of his hand with my sword?

- You wanna, you, okay. Remember this is his hand. - No, I mean just like kind of put it in there, just like pry it out, not by like, let me just. - Like a pool cue, just pow. - Yeah, yeah. - Knock it loose. - It's something that's gonna have to be pried out if you're gonna do it. - Sword's pretty good for prying. - I have a stick. - Do you have a stick? - Do you think he'll live if we cut his hand off? - He can bite his hand off. - Paying off. - It's a callback. - Do you guys wanna cut his hand off? - No. - I'm peeing on, like that's a viable option. If you want to cut his hand off.

- This is the way that Ironhide thinks of this right now. This is causing him a lot of torment, obviously. This is a cancer to him and it's slowly killing him. Can we do any worse by cutting off his hand? - I don't think doing an amputation in the woods is, you know, the way to go. - We can cauterize it. - Yeah. - It's not a call I'd make lightly. - I do fire. - I'm saying like this obviously did a number on him. And that's with like, cleanse the land, killing things, like that's what we were doing here. We were cleansing the land of evil or whatever, or what have you.

- Yeah. - This is an abusive relationship. - It's a big decision. - Tough call. - Now on top of that, you guys have fought, you guys have done something that the elves or the White Ravens haven't been able to do in a long time and that's chase the warforged that have been rooted out out of this area. They're still in the woods, but their big guns are down. So they're gonna have to wait. Yeah, they're gonna have to wait for backup no matter what. But you gotta know that it's coming. They know, they can track your movement based on all of the carrier pigeons that you've missed.

They're gonna be sending someone. - At this time, Ironhide's gonna look right over to Malkus and say, "What do you suppose we do?" I just laid something right down. We could just ignore it, prop him up against a rock and fight off the counterattack or we could end this whole orb thing once and for all. He can't handle it, so what do you think? - He seems like he's hurting, but I wouldn't. I'd be reluctant to make him an amputee on short notice. - All right. - We need to send him back to the White Raven's headquarters where he can rest and be hidden. - What, right now?

- Yes, at least where he's safe and out of harm's way. - We just took out three Titans and a commander and you wanna give them this place back? - I'm not saying we all have to leave. - You wanna break up the party? - We just need to send somebody back. We've carved a path through to here. We've got a clear route back home. - Okay, then who should go? - Well, it's gonna have to be someone who can carry a lot. - Guess that's me. - Is it, is it, is it just like the seven of us out here? - In this area of the woods, yes. - There's seven if you're counting the man that's down.

- Yeah, no, yeah. He still counts as a person. - Is he? - Someone else throw a cloak over him so that orb can't touch me and sling him over my shoulder, I guess. - Okay, so we're gonna take out our single heavy hitter. - You got jerk on us? - Well, it's not, I'm not. - I resent that. - No, no, I'm talking about this guy is really good for taking out, like bam, there's one guy, he's down. Bam, there's one guy. - God, you were here. And again, this isn't, this isn't a guaranteed thing. I'm just asking you what you'd like to do. - Well, first of all, what are the rest of us gonna do if somebody takes them back?

Like, are we gonna press, press on like towards the, like, what are we, what's our plan? - I'd assume we have to try to, we have to try to hold this position, I'd assume, until the other person can return. - Okay. - Brianna's gonna speak up. - Okay. - It's, it's only a matter of time before they send reinforcements. They're gonna send them to this area. I would like to check on Leora to see how, how the secondary assault's going, but I don't wanna leave you guys in the lurch. - But she's got additional, how many people does she have with her? - That's, that's about a group of 50 or so.

- Oh. - With the elves. - Let's all go to meet Leora and then leave him in Leora's care. - Demat Roswell? - Yeah. - Okay. - I mean that, at the very least, he's got, you know, basic military soldiers to, to bear him home. There'd be a lot fewer of their number to sacrifice to, to as far as like carrying him back than our number. Any objections? - So you wanna go over there, drag him with him, with us, and then just tell a few of their guys to haul him back to the camp. - Yeah. Not even necessarily immediately, just when they get, when they get a moment to breathe.

- That way we don't separate. - Yeah. - Now, do you think that's the safest thing? What happens if they get, I mean, can they take an ambush? - We can, we can talk about what ifs until we're blue in the face, or we can act before war forged over on the position. - All right, we should head then. - All right. - Secondary question. - Okay. - Are you guys going to rest beforehand? - I kinda wanna rest. - Like an, like an encounter rest, you mean? Like I just, uh. - Well, you, I'm just gonna remind you, if you don't, then most of you have no dailies, no healing surges.

Like the, the Malkus and Ironhide, I know for a fact, have no healing surges. Is that, if that's the fact. - Right. What time of day is it? - We're talking about sunset. - Oh, so we're not, I mean, we're not gonna push forward in the dead of night with this tiny force anyway. - But if we do take a rest, then we will. - No, if you take a rest, then I assume you're trying to sleep for the night. - Right, which means that it makes even more sense to meet up with Liara, because then we have people to depend on for a watch while we sleep. - Yeah, I'm down with that.

I'm down with that decision. - All right. - So you, you guys wanna take a rest, set up camp? - Once we meet up with Liara. - Okay, you're assuming a lot, but they're not already in the heat of battle. - We, every, every course of action we can make is filled with assumptions right now. Go, here, Ironhide, make the call. Ah, just pick something and do it. But no more bickering. Five more minutes and we move somewhere. I'm sick of talking. - Unless they're resting, I mean, stay right here. (laughs) - My man. - All right, we had. - So, with Rodswell slung over Yenward Shoulder, you start making your way through the woods in the direction that Liara and the White Ravens took off to.

Along the way, you're seeing a lot of the devastation that these guys, the Warforged, have done to this area. And we're talking stumps as far as the eye can see in one direction, from the edge of the forest inward. You can see where they've just clear cut what looks to be miles of forest. And then further into the forest, you can see where these wartime propaganda posters have been nailed to a lot of the trees, just randomly almost. And it's this image of King Carter. Nothing favorable about the look in his eyes. It's more, it's more leering, menacing.

And the text just says, "Protecting you from the lesser races." And that is, it's a running theme. Sometimes it's lesser, sometimes it's heathen, sometimes it's, but the theme is just, it's exactly the same. And these are just, you can kind of hear them fluttering in the breeze. They're nailed all over. Now, on your way. On your way, let me change the map. - I don't like that laugh. I don't like that. - No, no, no, you see these adorable puppies. Yes, it's a pit full of puppies. - 80 guys at once. - Yeah, you guys have fought this enemy before. - Okay. - And what, in the midst of all this craziness in the forest right now, there's an enemy that's laid in wait.

- Oh shit, vampires. - They've tracked your movement throughout the forest. And you have been ambushed by a pack of kobolds. - Are they sexy? - Not this particular group of kobolds. There's nothing sexy about them. What I want you guys to do is go ahead and roll initiative. - You're supposed to be afraid of this. It's a bunch of kobolds. - My initiative is 16. - 16 for Ironhide, 15 for Malkus. - Two, two. - Where do I find my fucking thing at? - Details. - Details. - I found it. 12 for Ironhide, or 12 for Draconis. Shit. - Oh, how many of these things are there?

- They're enough to kind of surround you. - Yeah. - Nine. - God. - We got you partially surrounded. - And Thoril, what'd you get? - I got a 24. - 24. Now let's add these menacing kobolds. - All 20 of them. - So the first thing you notice about these guys is that they look pretty confident. They spring forth from bushes and trees and they just kind of start hooping and hollering. No real words, just kind of, yeah. Just kind of, like they have got the drop on you guys and it is over. - Yeah, we're gonna kill them really hard. - I'd like to surrender. - Really scared.

- And they actually did really well initiative wise. - They can get it. - Let's see, Brianna is going to, she's gonna use psionic charge right off the bat. Flat D 2011, so she's gonna get a plus 10. Plus 10 to her next attack. And Thoril, your turn. - All right, walk up to number one right here. And melee basic attack. - The second you break away from your pack and you approach this guy, he's got his little spear in tow. And again, they were pretty sure they got the drop on you. And the second you run over to him, he's like, "Oh, just kind of, there's just kind of shock in his eyes." - 29.

- 29 will hit. - I'm so sorry, kobold. - I'm sorry, I love you. 27 damage. - Okay, 27. Your ax blade just cleaves his skull in two. The two sides are just hanging apart and he falls backwards dead. - Yay. - Kobold's curse. His body seeing this. - Oh yeah, 'cause the next one is the one who watched it. (laughing) - Is mortified. He is going to sprint backwards against the tree line and end his turn. Kobold Wild Mage. - That's a cool name actually, Wild Mage. - He's gonna use Wild Surge. - D20 plus nine versus Malkus. 17, that is versus reflex. - He'll, ah, where'd I, he'll miss.

- Miss, yep. Kobold Cleaver number five. Now, he's pretty sure he's got the drop on you guys 'cause he's behind you. Five, and he's gonna use his move action to get up there and then his regular action as a second move and get up to Malkus. Kobold Cleaver three, two, three, four, six and the same thing to sidle up next to Malkus for same thing to get up to Malkus. - Oh shit. - Yenward, your turn. - Okey-dokey, I am going to walk up to number five right here and I am going to use Cleave. - Don't kill him. - I won't. Just a D20 plus 17. - Oh my God, his head's gonna explode.

- This is against AC. 26. - 26 will hit. Poor guy. - And damage is two D10 plus eight. 19. - 19 will murder him. Yeah, he's totally dead. His two buddies next to him are just, this is not what they signed up for. So they are both terrified of you. Ironhide, your turn. - Okay, three. I'm gonna use Flame Cyclone, which is three close blast. - Three. So I guess that's coming out right from here and hitting these three sections right here. Okay, that's 20, D20 plus 10. 26, I had to roll for each of them, right? - Yes. - So that's for number three and then number four.

It's 11, that's not good. - That's a crit miss, so you're gonna miss number four. - Which means I kill him accidentally. I just wanted to wound him, but no. - You did hit three though, so go ahead and roll damage. - All right. - 10, that will kill number three. - Yay. - Malchus, your turn. - Oh, I also wanna use a Geass of Assault on four. - Okay. - I will swing a number four there, he's pretty close. That'll be Soul Eater, 20 plus 15. - Yeah, I think I got him. - 34 will do it, yes, 34, you hit him. - That ought to hit. Then D12 plus 14. Well, 15 damage. - 15 will kill him.

- Okay. - Dead, totally dead. - And Malchus shuts the rest of them. Don't you think you're in over your heads a bit? - If they understand Anguish, I would be surprised. - There's a Chieftain in the back. And he's just kind of looking at them all like, "Why aren't you killing them? Why are you, quit exploding you cowards." That kind of thing, so. - I have this feeling that Jason's doing this to boost our confidence for when he really decides to just. - Don't jerk the curtain, Tyler. - Would you like to move, Malchus? - No, I'm done. - Okay, Draconis, your turn.

- All right, I take it the Chieftain's guy without the new number then, huh? - Yep. - I'm about to melt that motherfucker's face. All right, Fireburst. This is burst two within 20. So I guess that's like right there. - Oof, okay. - All right, this is towards reflex. So for those of you at home who can't see, there is a large swath of land, which will get the Chieftain and the Wild Mage number one. So go ahead and roll against the Chieftain first. - And 14, that seems really high. - That missed. - Oh, awesome. Okay, I'm gonna melt the motherfucker now. I'm on this guy though, 30.

- You will hit him. - 21, and if it misses, it does half damage, by the way. - So I guess Chieftain does get hit. - Okay, Chieftain does get hit. - But that's number one first, so. - Yeah, so 21, pop, and that's 10 damage to the Chieftain. - Yep. - Okay, so the guys in the back here seem to be made of sterner stuff. They're a little tougher than the Cleavers who ran at you. Wild Mage number two. - Well, that's disheartening. I wanted to one-shot somebody, dammit. (laughing) - That was a low roll, man. - Yep, all right. - He's gonna use Wild Blast. - Is that like his thing, his wildest motif?

- Yeah, that's kinda his thing. - Yeah. (laughing) - Stomp. - He is going to target, he's gonna target Ironhide. - No! - With a Critmas, okay. - It's time for you to take a walk in the wild side. (laughing) - Chieftain's turn. As a minor action, he is going to bolster the confidence of his nearby allies here. - Yeah, that shit ain't gonna work. - Close Burst two, so he's going to move here. And the Kobold Cleaver and the Wild Mage get a plus four bonus to their next attack roll. Kobold Wild Mage three is going to target, actually he's going to move, he's gonna kinda shimmy past these rocks here and kind of get closer to the Chieftain, I guess, to make him feel safe.

And he's going to fire at Ironhide with a little-- - Was his attack in again? - What, this is going to, nevermind, Jesus, I rolled a two. Which is gonna miss. - It's a hit. Ironhide dies. - Brianna's turn, she is going to Sino right up here next to Draconis. And she's gonna use Force Blast, which is a ranged attack against Wild Mage number two, which is a D20 plus 14, 33 will hit, 34 damage. - Is he gonna get flung back into those bushes? Or is he just gonna explode? - The target is knocked back, his movement speed, okay, so yeah, he's totally right into the bushes back here.

- Feels ridiculous. - Noro, your turn. - Well balls, now I can't do anything really. It's like I can't run up. - Don't you have an action point? - One, two, three. - It's not worth it for this. - These Kobolds, what are you talking about? - It's always worth it. - Use it either. - You know what? I don't think I've done this more than once. I'm going to do a ranged basic attack on the Wild Mage. I think you throw a hatchet. - Just gonna throw a shoe at him. - Let me see what the tech is. - It's really disrespectful. - I'm part Cherokee, it's all right. - Oh no, you have a longbow, wow, I totally didn't know that.

- What? - I didn't know either. I don't think I've used this since like episode one. It says you're carrying one arrow, so I guess you get one. You get one ranged attack. - No matter what you do in the past or the future, this shot right here. - Honest to God, I think the last time I used this is when we faced the Kobolds. - Call back. - So, ranged basic attack on the Wild Mage and 12, and I'm gonna sit down. - Wow. - Fucking fail. No matter how many times you cleave people's heads and then still take another swing at them, even more, this is what you always remember for.

- Wait a second, you get more math than that. You're using a longbow? - It's a D20 plus nine is what my range basic attack is. - Oh, okay, I read that wrong. No, that sounds about right, you're good. (laughing) - We rolled a three, that's the problem. - I read the three, yeah. - Yeah. - Turns out the Wild Kobold Mage is a very sexy looking one. - Jesus Christ. So your arrow goes wide and your quiver is now empty. (laughing) - I'm not kidding. - Seeing this, the Kobold Kleberg is kinda bolstered with some confidence now, he's like, okay, this guy looks like he ain't so tough.

- Go ahead. - He is going to race up and use his short sword attack. 16, no, that's not gonna do anything. Well, shit, Wild Mage number one is going to fire it, Ironhide, he's gonna use his Wild Surge, 24 versus Reflex. Yes, that's gonna do a 2d6 plus four, 15 damage. So 15 damage, that's the first blood for the Kobolds. - Which one was this? - Number one. - Oh, he's gonna die. - Yenward, your turn. - So it's all Justin's fault, this is the turning point. I'm gonna use Reaping Strike, which is a d20 plus, I think that's 36, appreciate it. - 36 will hit that Kobold, yes.

- Pretty sure that hits, and-- - Be sure he's dead. - Clear, 2d10s plus eight. ♪ Do do do ♪ ♪ Gonna kill you ♪ 17. - The last thing this Kobold does on this earth is raise his forearm up as the axe comes down, and straight in half, divide him like he's perforated, done. He totally did. - Technically his arm's severed off also. - Yes, that's like right down the middle. Ironhide, your turn. - Duh, I'm gonna fire. I'm gonna sit right here next to number one, so yeah. - Okay, hold on a second. - What? - The second you set foot right there, I'm gonna make an attack move.

- How? - Well, the ground beneath your feet gives way. - What? - And you realize that the leaves and sticks in front of you are just covering up a large hole. (laughing) - Wow. - How? I don't even weigh that much. - You weigh 600 pounds. So that's gonna be 20 versus your reflex. - Yeah, that hits. - Okay, so, oh wow, this is embarrassing for you. - Well, I didn't think there were master. (laughing) - Really, this is master stuff? They dug a hole and covered it with leaves. - I should have censored it. - Something out of like a kid's cartoon. So that's gonna do 46 plus five damage, and you're gonna fall down 20 feet and hurt your leg.

- Janice. - Big hole. - This is embarrassing. - You are team rocket right now. - For my-- - Yeah. Oh man, I didn't even have to say it. Tyler got it for me, good, good. I was thinking about that and I was like, no, that won't play with our group. - This kills my-- - Looks like Ironhide's blasting off again. (laughing) - Oh jeez. - All right, so how much damage is it? - That just did 19 damage to you. - All right, so I'm taking out for a bit. Okay, somebody else's turn. - Yeah, let's say you're down, like you're 20 feet in that hole. - I have rope. - I have one.

- And Malchus, your turn. - Don't worry you guys, someone from our team will like step on one of their matchbox cars and slip down a staircase or something to get great. - You guys give up or are you thirsty for more? - Oh shit. (laughing) - Kevin's around, he's fucking us up. - Dropping paint cans from tree branches. - I would like to think though that he can't win this battle because he's dead with an arrow in the eye though. Arrow went wide, it's like, hey, you're still-- - He just fell on the ground, he's like, ugh, died. - That's the wild mage, that's the chieftain.

- Yeah. - Okay, wait a second, Malchus, which path did you take to get there? - Silly girl. - I was like here, wasn't I? - Yes, so you just charge forward? - Yep. - Okay, the second you get to here. - Go ahead, do it. - Stop, go ahead, do it, I dare you. - D20 plus 15, this will be versus your reflex. 31. - Oh shit. - Bunch of bear traps. - Yeah. - Wow. - How's your ankle, did you twist on the way down? - It's not the time. - Oh, it was the time before when you were yelling at me. - So you're gonna fall down, take 11 damage, and you're 20 feet down in this hole.

- Well, super. - Down and up. - Draconis, your turn. - Well, I definitely don't. - Nobody move. (laughing) - And that's really cool, 'cause I was playing off and actually doing something different and actually getting right up on him this time too, that's weird. Fuck it, I'm doing it anyway. All right, I'm moving. - Don't, just imagine Yenn were doing his like charging strike and small small. - I'm coming diagonal here. Three, okay, I'm operating without a mouse here. - You're zigging and zagging, hold on a second. - I totally didn't make that move by the way.

- Okay, I'm dodging holes. - He juked the hole. - Actually, that should be in range right there. Okay, so I'm moving there, is there anything crazy? - Nope. - All right, I am gonna do a fire shroud, which is close burst three, which is like, I assume that means from me, burst three? - Uh, yes. - Okay, so according to my calculations. - Great, now we gotta play minesweeper. - All right, trying to get this, not that far down, but it still gets to Chieftain. Anyway, that's my range, all right, here we go. This is for fortitude by the way, this is a little something different.

- Okay, roll against Chieftain first. - And this is for him, 16, awesome. - Okay, that'll miss and go into three. - Three, 16, awesome. - 16 will hit and one. - Really, okay, one, that's 25, that's it. - Definitely hit, okay, so you hit one and three, you hit the two wild mages. - Let's do the damage now, and it doesn't say anything about a miss, so this one does not do anything to the Chieftain. - Okay, so that does 25. - Wait. - Oh no, that was, you didn't roll damage. - I'm about to hit it right. - Eight. - Awesome. - I rolled a one, okay, but this does five fire damage ongoing, so.

- Till save ends, okay cool, awesome. So they are both on fire. So we can get rid of that now, and wild mage number two, he just watched his buddy get cleaved in half and he is freaking out now. He is going to use frost bolt against Yennward. - Happened to fucking inconsistent cobalt, man. - What, in wild anywhere in that? - Wild frost bolt on, okay, on Yennward, and wow, he rolls a four, so that's gonna miss. And he is going to race towards the Chieftain. - Fuck you, go on. - Hold my hand. - The Chieftain is going to sidle up next to this hole, and he is going to use.

- Oh shit. - Just some coke down in it. - Gasoline. - This guy's dropping area, he doesn't even have to shoot it. - He uses chittering mockery. - He's going to lift up a rock that's next to the hole, position it over Malkus's head and drop it. - 17. - I counter. - You just do that, you just say I counter. - No, no, I've got moves for that. Enemy with intense squares, if he hits you, enemy adjacent, okay, so he's not close enough to be considered adjacent, is he? - Maybe technically four squares away, because you're 20 feet down. - That's right, okay. - He missed you on the attack, you know.

- Taller than Steel Cage, Rob. - Oh, but he is, oh shoot, okay. Well, the move then doesn't trigger, because it has to be, he has to actually hit me. - Yeah, so that was versus your reflex, and that just misses, so. - I, oh, he's gonna have a terrible surprise when he gets to my turn again. - The Chieftain is upset with this, that, ugh, like he missed with his big rock attack that he's been waiting to use. The Wild Mage number three kind of skitters around here to the hole with Ironhide in it. - Oh, takes five fire damage. - Oh, yes, takes five fire damage.

- Yes. - And dies. - And he's not even bloodied yet. He is going to kind of peek over the hole and see, just make sure that Ironhide can't do anything to him from there. And he's going to take a dagger out of his pocket and just kind of like, yeah, like whip it at him. (laughing) 23 versus your AC. - That's adorable. - That's gonna miss, so. - Can I do anything like, you little bastard! (laughing) Damn you, Dennis the Menace, for throwing daggers at me. - That's a minor action that Kobold's just gonna go, (imitates - So she'll get plus five damage on her next attack.

And Thoril, your turn. - All right, let's see. - Don't move. (laughing) - A subtle up between these two. - One. - Okay, do me a favor. Actually, I'll roll for you, 'cause. (laughing) - Is anyone else tweeting from their in-character Twitter account? - Not too busy. - I'm about to, you just reminded me, I logged in, but I never started tweeting. - You don't get good reception when you're in a hole. 34 versus your reflex. - Oh, fuck me. - You're gonna fall 20 feet into a hole. (laughing) - Course. - Really good hit. - 21 damage. - Where's this hole at? Am I sharing like a large one with Malchus now?

- They appear to have dug several holes in just, that's why they positioned themselves in the back like that and sent the fodder to go fight you guys. And they appear to be, they kind of appear to be scattered. There doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason. They do appear to start within a certain proximity to the Chieftain, that's all I'm gonna tell you. And you are Perone. Cobalt Fire Mage, number one. - Wait a second, the other guy was standing right there. - What other guy? - Number two. - What are you talking about? Oh, where he-- - Number two came right back from like over here somewhere and he landed right over here.

Do you know exactly where to stand or what? - They have trap sense. They don't trigger their own. - You're making this up. - I'm looking. - You're just a few gold balls. - I'm like-- - The DM. (laughing) - They have something called trap sense. They're not triggering their own traps. Like I'm looking right at it. Like it's a thing, I swear to God. I'll show it to you after the-- - They very silently jump over their own holes. - They know where to stay. They know where they dug their own holes. - Yeah, if you also look at it like these are like five feet positions, then yeah, I guess.

- The second Wild Mage, the first Wild Mage over here is going to position himself right over Ironhide's hole and whip a dagger down at him. - Oh shit. - With the standard, nah. Just kind of like he's literally, it's this tiny, think the little daggers that Danny Trejo had in Desperado. Like that vest-o-daggers, like these tiny little throwing daggers just like he's just whipping him at you. - Now I'm imagining today's Kobold played by Danny Trejo. - Every one of them is Danny Trejo. Like a five foot nothing Danny Trejo. - 20 versus reflex. - No, that'll hit.

- Versus reflex? - Oh sorry, AC, AC, shit. - Yeah, daggers are now enchanted daggers. - No, I-- - No, you missed, you missed big. - I did, I missed. And he's going to do the (growls) just kind of dancing up and down. Yenward, your turn. - Okay, I'm gonna use my ranged attack because I'm not fucking moving. (laughing) - He would die, he would lay on his neck. You know he would spin somehow going down. - Your ranged attack is throwing that enchanted axe at something so. - I'm gonna throw Storm Rider at number two. - Good lord. - This seems so overkill. This is taking way longer than I assumed it would take.

- Wait, you're gonna chuck Storm Rider, it's not gonna come back to you, is it? - Yes it does. - Yes. - You knew it was gonna take us some time when you start making all the damn holes. - I thought you'd catch on quicker, I honestly did. - Thought he was not supposed to. - Mountain should have called on quicker. - Oh, don't even, don't even start. - First hole is like that robot just fell somewhere. I better go up where these other holes are. - We're not talking, we're not talking. - We're holes, separate holes. - That's versus Wild Mage number two. - No, that's 21 was versus AC and 19 is my damage.

- Oh shit, okay, yes. It's a little presumptuous to assume that you, yeah. - I got this. - Storm Rider's going to fly across the battlefield and implant itself into the chest of the Kobold, followed by the lightning strike and thunder roar. And he's gonna die a very unpleasant death. - I would like to think he died before the lightning. (laughing) - He's still screaming, I'll put it that way. And the ax returns, Storm Rider returns to Yenward, but with the body of this tiny Kobold still attached to the plate. (laughing) - Scrape it off on my boot. - Ironhide, you're at the bottom of a hole.

- Now this says a action, a minor action, close burst two. For a GS-Suk, do I have to actually be looking at them or is this the type of deal where it's like, well, you're on completely different plane of-- - A level. - Unless it says you can't, I'm gonna let you. - It doesn't say anything about that I had to be staring at. The guy just says a close burst two. - It just says creature in the burst, so you can mark whoever. - I will mark one. - Okay, you're gonna mark one, but he's gonna be attacking you anyway, so I don't know how effective that is. - Well, I'm just saying maybe somebody creeps in next to him and he's like, I will attack you.

- I'm just letting you know right now, they're both looking down into the hole at you, so you can see them either way. - Oh, so I could do a ranged attack. - Yeah. - I'm fucking lonely down here, so I'm thinking maybe a lightning lure? (laughing) - Okay. You can totally do that. - Oh man, this is gonna be sweet. - Against which one? - Three. I think the way that three was looking at me. That and he fucking hit me before. - Just should've flying out of a hole. (laughing) - 27, does that work? - 27, so he's staring, they both whipped daggers at you, they think they're so fucking clever, they got you, you're laying down looking up at them at the bottom of this hole.

Even though you didn't say you stood up, so I gotta shave off too, because you're using the lightning lure while you're still prone. - Oh, I thought I was just like, my legs were, my legs were-- - Well, I mean, you fell into the hole, so you're prone when you landed. If you landed on your feet, it'd be way worse, so you fell into this hole and you whipped the lightning lure up and just grabbed his neck as he's looking down into the hole at you. And you jerk him into the hole, and he kinda makes, he sounds more surprised than anything, and he goes to make a noise, but it's kinda muffled by the electric lasso around his throat, so it's (gagging) and he tumbles into the hole into a ball almost, into this conimary ball, and just tumbles in.

So he is adjacent to you in the hole, like he's in the hole next to you. And you're gonna do damage to him too, so go ahead and roll damage. - Seven. - It wasn't meant for damage, it was meant for alone time. Now I'm gonna Brock Lesnar him, just lay on top of him, start punching him every now and then. - Okay, so do you wanna stand up? - Yes, yes, I'm gonna stand up. - Crone and bone. - You're no longer prone, you have stood up. Malkus, your turn, you are at the bottom of a hole. - Not for freaking long. All right, so here is a move that I have not gotten to use in an effectual fashion for 17 years.

And now the time has come again. So Malkus uses spider scuttle, which gives him a climb speed. - Oh shit. - And he just walks his way back up the wall. - Okay, this, is that where you're going? - I'm just asking. - Right into another hole. - So I'm gonna make. - What's the radius of my hole here? - Oh, that's, no you're moving, like you climbed out and now you're over here, so what I'm, okay, so let me describe the scene. (laughing) So you, like a demon out of the night, come out of the scary dark hole and you spider scuttle out. The chieftain's eyes go wide, like that shouldn't be.

And then you sidle up adjacent to him right over top another trap. So I'm going to. - Do you fit? - How come that was a solid wall there for me to go up? - But okay, picture it like, let me see if I can put something on him. - I've seen D&D before, these like each square is like so many feet. - Like I'm trying to. - Picture Minecraft, you have a hole and then a square dirt and then another hole beside that square dirt. You climbed up on the square and fell right into the hole. - I wanna stand on the square. - Too bad. (laughing) - I don't wanna be in the hole again.

- Deal with it. - Okay, do you just pull the Duncan? - What? (laughing) - Hold on, what they've done is in front of them lies several of these traps and there were, I mean, just this area here. - I don't even care anymore. - I'm just trying to help. - I'm in a hole, climb out of this pit with a frowning moment of badass. - And it was badass, I'm not taking that away from you. That shit was awesome. - Dropping me in a pit is the very definition of taking away from me, but go ahead and roll the damage. - This is become a Wile E. Coyote cartoon. - This is, all right.

- You're gonna die in there, aren't you? - 16 damage. - 16 damage and you twist your other ankle. - Nickel? (laughing) - All right, so the kobold, Jesus Christ. So the chief that goes from like, ah, and then he sees you fall out of the hole and he just starts laughing at you, like just laughing. And this is even with, this is with Thoril standing next to him, almost like Thoril's gonna go, you see this guy, like almost like he's on your side, just for a split second. - Yeah, I thought he was also in a hole. - Well, Thoril is, God, he is in a hole too. Jesus Christ, you guys.

Draconis, your turn. - Am I supposed to be the ambassador? - Malchus here, no, I'm joking. I'm gonna use Burning Hands. This is a action close blast five and it's gonna blast straight in front of me. Now, since Malchus is in the hole, I assume the flame shoots straight over the hole? - Yes. - All right, that's what we're gonna do then. - It's gonna be a scary sight for him, he just tumbled in the hole and then the exit's covered in flames, just with fire. - And this is for the chieftain, 26. - 26, we'll hit him, yes. - Yes, all right. Boom, 16. - 16, gorgeous.

Six, okay. - That's all I got, that's all I got. - Okay. - Kobold Chieftain. Now, is there an after effect? Is he on fire now or is it just-- - Nope, that doesn't affect him, nope. - Okay, cool. - So the chieftain stopped laughing after the fire started arcing towards him and he's patting down his vest and like, "Ah, ah, ah." Just, he's, and he's just pissed and he starts hopping around and he picks up another rock. - Oh no. - And he's gonna position it right over Malchus's hole, so to speak, and he is going to drop this, 22 versus reflex. - That'll hit. - Okay, oh God.

- You are gonna die in that hole? - Air lift him out. - Helped by rocks. - Well, this is a big rock. This is like, for a Kobold, it's like a big two-handed, like you gotta, eh, eh, and then drop it at, no, they're not very mechanically. 11 damage. - They do pretty good for themselves for not being mechanically when-- - Hey, he hit me this time, I can counter. - Yes. - Reflexive health strike. He takes, I believe it's just a, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. No, the other one, infernal wrath, that's the one. Yeah, it's just a flat D6 of damage 'cause I'm not smarter than that.

Two, he takes two of the damage. - So he drops a rock on your head and you blast back at him. - Lightest facing fire. - Yeah, he just, so he falls back. So it's, yeah, he does not understand how you just hit him. That will bring up Wildmange number three. This is so awful. - Then I levitate R2D2 to scare him and his friends and cow them into submission. - This is humiliating. Malchus is bloodied. - I'm not awful, I'm sufficiently un-humiliated. - I know, it's just, this is awful. So the Wildmange is down here. - I always say, "Sister of the world, guys." (laughing) - The Wildmange, I honestly was gonna toss something really tough at you this turn.

These kobolds were supposed to be a joke. This was-- - Well, we also started really late, so. - So how does that affect-- - I'm just saying, like, that's why it looks like we're having such a terrible time with this. It's like, the traps, they're really cool. - Kobold number three is in the hole with Ironhide. He's gonna whip out one of these daggers and just try and stab him with it. Just, he's just going to, 24 versus AC. Wow. - But he's still on fire too, by the way. - So he's gonna take, oh, I didn't roll a saving throw. That's fine. So another five. - Yep.

- So this is just a 1D6 plus five. - Flaming kobold, stabbing you. - So he just shanked you for 11 damage. And let me roll a flat D20 for a saving throw. And he's not, he's fine. He is no longer burning. He's okay, guys. Brianna is tired of this. This is awful. She is going to sprint up. - And fall in a hole. (laughing) - Don't be a silly goose. - Probably. - Ooh, she could use psionic quake, but that could kill everyone in holes. So let's not do that. - Now, if she's actually being herself, then she would try to kill every ally she has. - What? - She tried that before.

- No, she gave fair warning and you stayed there. You're done. - She wanted to make sure that we didn't have reinforcement strike. That's not even here nor there. Let's just go. - She's going to use force blast against the chieftain. The guy hovering over Malkus, throwing rocks at him. This is a D20 plus 14. That'll just hit his AC. Awesome. Or reflex, yeah. That'll just hit Enu. Okay. And that is 3D8 plus 17 because of the plus five. Because of the plus five bump. 31. That will more than bloody. And he is flicked back here and prone. - There's a crab noise. - Thoril, you are in a hole.

- So my only move action could be stand up. - Yes. - You're a sucker. You should have said you jumped 20 feet in the air. (laughing) - There's a my ex-vampireism. - I'll let you make, let's see here. Let's-- - Yeah, I don't want to pop my action point now. - Well, I mean, you can make a check to try and climb out. Like that would be an athletics check, I believe. Yeah, so yeah, just try and like-- - An athletics check. - Yeah, so like a picture. Yeah, just let's do an athletics check. - 24. - Okay, so you're going to start clawing your way out of this hole. And where do you want to be?

- Wanted to go right in front of that chieftain. - So like, you want to go right here. - Yes. - Okay, you're right there. You claw your way out of the-- (laughing) You claw your way out of the hole. And you're standing in front of him. Cobalt Wall Mage number one. All right. He is going to whip a dagger down at Ironhide as a preemptive strike to stop hitting his friend. 'Cause he knows you're going to hit his friend. - Oh yeah, yeah, he's on fire. - You don't know that. - Oh, he is on fire. So he takes a five. - Yeah, so it's not like he's going to die. He's going to die the old fashioned way.

The sword is-- - Wild Mage one is bloodied. - And 28 versus AC. - Yeah, that hits. - That will hit you. - How much damage? 'Cause I'm going to take a dagger. - Ironhide's going to get killed by rocks. - Dagger. - Well, this is a dagger. - Okay, dagger. - See, two people are chomping away at my health. Some people just get bloodied by falling into holes repeatedly. - So that's nine damage. - All right. - And he's going to jump up and down and he's happy as hell. - He's happy as crap. - Yenward, your turn. I didn't think this fight would take this long. - Okay, I'm going to chuck Stormrender at the chieftain.

- Okay, he is laying down. So you're just going to chuck it at his prone body. So add a plus two. - Okay, I will roll again. - Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Just add a plus two. There's no need to roll again. Oh, that's a crit miss. - Oh, now you said add a plus two. We got to play by the pools. - Yes. Well, playing-- You rolled a three. Well, you rolled a one. Just assume that you would have added the plus two. But still a crit miss. - He just added a plus one. - Or a plus two. It doesn't matter. So Stormrender goes wide and misses its mark, plants itself in a tree, and then comes back to Yenward.

That tree is toast though. Dead, totally dead. You murdered that tree. The elves will not appreciate it. Ironhide, you're at the bottom of a hole. - I am, but I have company. - You do? - So I'm going to take it down on him, the fact that dinner's not made yet and I'm still in the bottom of this hole. (laughing) So what am I going to do? I'm going to use green flame break. 23 against his AC. - 23 will hit. - Okay, good. Now I'm going to take out all my abuse on him. I'm going to use-- - Keep trying to think of a Chilean miner joke, but no. - That's not cool. - It's topical.

- 16. - It's like three years to go close enough. 16 damage. He is bloodied. Anything else? - I don't think I have anything for a miner, aren't you? Oh wait, I'm going to use warforged resolve, which is three plus, you gain a number of temporary hit points that equal three plus one half your level, so that's three plus four, that's seven. - All right, so you're going to gain seven temp hit points. All right, you're probably going to need them the way this battle's going. - Yeah. - Malchus, you're at the bottom of a hole. - Yeah, how about that? - How about that?

- Whose fault is that? Well, I mean, let's not play the playing game. - Wait, are you blaming somebody in the group? - No, I'm not, no. That is not what I'm doing. Stand up. - Okay, you are. - I do not get to spider climb again, so unfortunately I have to do this the hard way with my 11 strength. So let's try that. - So roll, yeah, so yeah. - My athletics, three. - Oh no. - You hear just like under breath swearing coming out of Malchus's pit. - Son of a whore. - All of it, all of it. - No, it's not even that clear. You can't even articulate. Hey. - 18 will do it.

You will climb out of your open grave. - I imagine the noises that Malchus is making is the noise that the Sims make when they're angry. Like it's not even coherent. It's just (mumbles) (laughs) Congratulations, you are out of your pit. That's fantastic. - So how did you have to do that? - Move. - 15, like I don't understand. What do you have to do? - Athletics. - It's an athletics check. He didn't make an attack or anything. He's just making a check to get out. - No, I had to, yeah. I used my move action to stand up and my standard action as a move action to climb.

- Yeah. Draconis. - All right, I'm going first time here. First time. Scorching burst. This is a pretty shitty move that I'm about to do, but I'm about to do it. I gotta say, I don't have any moves to do. So, all right. Burst one within 10 square. I'm gonna do it right on the captain there. Each creature in the burst, does that mean that it will-- - Yeah, that's them too. - Yeah. Wait, is there any spots behind the captain? There's not, okay. - It's just kind of tree line. - All right, well, luckily, Thorold, this isn't gonna hurt that bad. Here we go. (laughs) - Thanks.

- That's a little bit fired. You're fine. - So roll against the chieftain. - All right, here it comes. 24. - 24 will hit. - All right, do I get a roll for Thorold now? - Yes. - All right, well, here we go. 16 for reflex. - That'll miss. - Awesome, I had that planned out perfect. All right. - Jump back into another hole. - And the damage is nine. - Nine damage will kill him. - Oh, there it is. - As someone disassembles a rifle in the background. He will burst into flames and die. Let's see here. Copalt Wild Mage number three is still stuck in the hole with Ironhide.

He's going to take another stab at him with his dagger. - This is AC. Slider. - 17. - Miss. - That'll miss. - Wait, he took five damage. - He took, nope, he saved against it last turn. - Oh, did he? Okay, gotcha. - Yeah, burned him one. - That. - Rhianna's turn, she's gonna charge. Nine, so she'll get another five. Thorold, your turn. - All right, I'll saddle up right here. Fwomp. - That's our rock, so it should be good. - They seem to have kept him away from the backside. All right, shit, let's see if I can do this. Let's do good old melee basic attack on number one.

And that's a 30. - That'll hit. - So that's D8 plus 12, that's 18. - Okay, so this poor, poor Copalt Mage watched his commander in chief get murdered, just destroyed. I think Draconis is the only one to ever damage him. So after that happened, before he could even get a chance to run, Thorold sidles up and just swings down on him from on top of a rock with an axe, causing 18 damage. He is still standing, but clearly just totally fucked up. - Are you using the offhand now? - Yeah, I don't know if I can cleave three as well. - No, he's in the hole. - Yeah, oh yeah, he is 20 feet in the hole.

- You can jump. - Would you like to jump in the hole after? (laughing) - Oh, my offhand, 24. - I'll have 24, I'll hit. - And then 2D6 plus 14, he's probably dead anyway, no matter what. 20 damage. - Dead, so it's more. - He's more alive than ever. - It's always more. - Yennward, your turn. - Yeah. - The only one left is the one trapped in a hole with Ironhide sticking him with needles every time that he gets a chance. - Allegedly. - Allegedly. - Who would ever see this? (laughing) - I'm just gonna stay where I am. (laughing) - Terrified of holes. - And I'm gonna let Ironhide take care of that one.

Ending my turn. - Ironhide, your turn. - Yeah, let's see if I can't take. Green play button, 26, that's almost a print. - 26 will hit. - He's not giving people the satisfaction of having him save. - Just a pale green cloak comes up from the hole. - Yep. - You just hear a scream. - You're Kobold pleading. - 13. - Okay, you see a brilliant green flash come from the hole. And then you hear, you made a fucking Chilean miner joke. You don't get to-- - Yeah, that's something else. - I didn't though, I did and I said I wanted to. - It was like a Jay Leno joke. Let's see, something, maybe we're gonna judge Ido joke.

- Let's work a Chilean miner joke. That's terrible, right? - So you see a brilliant-- - That's cold Jay, that's cold man. - Take that Jay Leno. So, and then you hear what sounds like a Kobold screaming, no! And then, dead. (laughing) - And we almost died that day. - You guys are out of contact. (laughing) - I didn't get touched, I'm fine. - Yep, me neither. - I'm supposed to be the imbecile of the group. - So, Brianna's gonna run over to the hole and she's kind of yelling at you guys, why did you charge them? Have you ever fought Kobolds before? And she takes a rope out of her backpack and starts-- - Okay, that's already funny.

- It's been years. - She takes a rope out of her backpack and starts lowering it down to Ironhide. - I'm gonna have company in a second I think. (laughing) - Pick me up. - So she's holding it and she's getting ready to, she's getting ready to stake it to the ground. Are you trying to pull before she gets a chance to stake it to the ground? Like as soon as you see the rope. - Come on buddy, let's go. - She's not trying to lift-- - This really is turning into anime 'cause what's gonna happen is he's gonna pull her down there and then there's just gonna be this huge psychic explosion that erupts out of the hole.

- If, that's totally Ironhide's choice. She's not intending to lift up this 625 pound Ironhide. - We're gonna have that awkward rom-com moment where like she falls on top of him and they just like look and laugh at each other awkwardly. - He has a nose, please. - After the previous scene was, the previous scene was Ironhide basically telling Brianna, "Get out of the way woman." That was essentially-- - Wait, wait, when's that? When did I say that? - The last time we played. - God dammit, I was saying that so it's like maybe you wanna head back? - I'm just saying, I told you how she was gonna take it.

- Well. - So the rope is lowered and I'm assuming you're gonna, you're gonna climb your way out. - I'm gonna ask politely, maybe Yenward should come over here and scoop me out of this large hole. - Okay. - Oh. - She's gonna say, "I've staked it to the ground, just climb up." - Okay. - She's got no time for this shit. I'm flying in another fucking hole going to pull you out of a hole. Then who's gonna get me out of the hole? - I also would like to think that the entire time Rodswell has just been draped over Yenward's shoulder because there's been no mention of setting him down at all.

- He's just dangling? - Yeah, his lifeless arms and legs like dangling over the giant minotaur's shoulder as he's whipping an ax at people. - Looks like a fox skin coat just like draped over his shoulder. - It's a mink stole that he's wearing. - Oh no, that's a person, okay. It's a boy, what do you mean? Okay, at this point, I'm gonna say, very politely, if that hole, or if I fall back into this hole because of that stake not being in the ground sufficiently enough, you will have lots to answer for. - Yeah, bring it on. - I'm not gonna die from a broken neck falling into a hole, try to climb out.

- She's gonna shout down, "I assume that's the embarrassment talking, just please stop it, climb up." - How do I? - No, just tell me whether you're climbing up or not. - I'll climb up. - Okay. - And a whomp. - 'Cause I'm 700 pounds, all right, my phys- - You're 625, don't exaggerate. So yeah, you climb up and she kinda helps you the last little bit, like as you're climbing over the side. And she starts asking the, "Are you guys okay?" - I'm fine. - Do you need to stop? - I feel like she's face-palling the entire time. - Malchus starts moving in the direction we were originally traveling, and he's like every couple of feet, he's poking the ground with his dark sword.

And he goes, "You know, people keep telling me I need to learn to laugh about these sorts of things. They're wrong, but that's what they keep telling me." - And as she's moving around, you can see that she sees where these traps are, she's just moving in kind of a diagonal, like just zigzagging through them. You can, I'll teach you guys how to spot these later. It's really not hard. I honestly didn't think that a pack of kobolds were gonna be too much trouble. We just took down three titans. - I'd just like to state for the record that I did great in this situation.

- Hey, I did pretty decent too. - Yeah, me and Jerkonas did wonderfully. We conquered this situation swimmingly. I tried to do range, but it didn't work. - You blew it. - First of all, I wanna know why, all this war force stuff's going on, and we're getting jumped by damn kobold. What the hell? - Okay, the world doesn't stop because, I mean, like everyone's kind of scraping by to get, so they thought you guys were easy marks. Like it would just, "Oh great, there's someone happening by." And they just picked the wrong guys to fuck with. That's kind of- - Apparently, they're right.

(laughing) - Well- - Kobold's my only weakness. Gravity, no. - Like, I don't know you guys, right? - I'd like to loot the halves of these kobolds. - Kobold innards. - You find about 20 gold collectively between them. - Hot dip, mug that down, all right? 20 gold, and we're not sharing with Rod 12. - He was there for the fight. - Well, technically he didn't fight. He was draped over somebody. - He was being worn fashionably. - It's what every dark hoof will be wearing this season. - I'd like to leave Rod's home with these holes. - Just cut to the chase and just leave them.

Okay, so you also find an assortment of pointed sticks and rocks and a couple of daggers. - Can he make arrows? Make one arrow or just go in the woods and find it? - I'd like to think that Thoril only has a quiver enough to hold one arrow at a time. Just like it's perfectly sheathed in there. - Nothing fancy, no diamond tipped or anything like that. Just all arrow. - All right, so, oh man, that took way longer than I thought it was going to. So climbing up out of the holes. - I was adorably cumbersome. (laughing) - Okay, I closed it. - So climbing up out of these holes, you guys continue to make your way through the forest to Leor's position.

- After all of you, I insist. - All right, let's go. - So because that fight took so long, the elves appear to, you reach this second clearing, like a nice big clearing. The elves appear to have wrapped up combat with the warforged. The first thing you notice upon entering this field is waves of dead warforged. - Fucking hell. - Ripped apart, cleaved, smashed, lot of heads smashed, things like that. Just very brutal and visceral, especially coming from elves. It's just this large meadow filled with elves. After they see you kind of cross over the threshold of bushes and things like that, so you're entering the clearing, a lot of these women standing next to one elf in particular who doesn't look to be brandishing any weapons or anything like that, they all start raising their bows and arrows pointed at you.

And she tells them, "Lower your weapons, it's fine." And Leora kind of greets you upon coming over. So she starts walking over to you guys and she gives Brianna a hug. Yeah, she has a deep cut in her right shoulder and you could see where her shirt's kind of soaked up a lot of blood. She kind of has it tied off with a rag. And Leora starts asking Brianna about the assault. What kind of resistance did you encounter? And Brianna tells her all about the Titans and what had happened. And she leaves the part out about the Kobolds 'cause- - That's my girl, that's my girl.

- That's not as heroic. But you guys taking down three Titans is the shit. And through talking back and forth, you found out that they actually could have used your help, but because your fight took so long, the fight kind of dragged on over here and you're noticing a lot of White Raven casualties and some Elven casualties. And they're kind of pulling those bodies separately away from the Warforged. The Warforged are being stacked up like a pile of used television sets, like just junk. They don't care anything about them. They're just throwing them in a pile.

- Useless flat screens, just- - Analog TV squares up. - Is there anything you guys wanna say or do or anything before we continue here? - We need to drop off Rod's Well. - Yeah, we ask if they can take Rod's Well home when they go back. - If you want. - First of all, okay, so Leor's gonna see Rod's Well draped over Yenward's shoulder. And she's gonna go, she's gonna kind of rush over towards him, it's like, did he fall in combat? What happened? - Just kinda there one minute. - Come on, the next. - It seemed as though most of it be fainted for some reason.

- It's got something to do with the orb. - And did any of you try to remove it? - Chev's got a death grip on it. - Yeah, I'm kind of scared to do that. So we can still cut it off if you want. I mean, we can totally do that. - I'm gonna say like from experience, like there's some bad energy coming from it. Like if you grab it, odds are like it'll bite back at you. - She says that we don't have any clerics or anyone back at the cave. The most we could do is just try and keep them as comfortable as possible. - I would say the nearest clerics are probably in Winterhaven.

And Brianna kind of, she kind of ruffles at that. Just, she's not happy about it. She agrees, but she, well, let's see if it comes to that before we have to take him to Winterhaven. - Yeah, let's just put him back into camp. - So a group of the White Ravens kind of offered to take they're making kind of a makeshift gurney to take him back to the cave. And they kind of offered to take him off of Yenward's shoulder. - There you go. - Okay, 'cause they kind of sidle up next to him and because Yenward's fucking huge, like they, it's like, do you mind? - You're just gonna let them take your scarf?

Humans in season right now, dude, that's hot. (laughing) This elf in a long white gown kind of traipses up to you guys, followed by a few of these, a few of these kind of warrior women with bows and arrows. They follow close, like real close to her. And she gives you guys a deep bow. She says, "Britanna Moonshadow, High Maiden of the Evergreen and Protector of Kalkass." That would be the great tree to you, I suppose. And she kind of motions back and jutting up over the regular tree line of the Evergreen is this much larger tree that's kind of always been there on the horizon, but this is set back a ways.

It's kind of one of those horizon landmarks that you see long before you get to it. - Good, I was kind of hoping that it wasn't the tree that Yen worked and chopped down. - No, no. - Somebody set fire to this motherfucker. (laughing) - You can even be mistaken as, oh, well, lightning just struck that tree. (laughing) - When there was no storm or anything like that. Something rended this tree. - Someone murdered this tree. - Someone rended it with some type of storm. - So yeah, she gives you guys a deep bow and she says, "We're deeply in your service. I only wish that you could have been here to assist in the battle, but at the very least we're victorious, thank you." - Glad to hear it.

- She says, "What if the Titans and the Grove beyond?" - They are no more, we've handled them. - And she looks elated at that because that was gonna be the real fight for them. And the fact that you guys moved when you did and helped them out, that's a huge deal. She says, "We're forever in your debt, thank you." The next step would be to reinforce the area to make sure that they can't come back. - Did you say you were a cleric? - My position is High Maiden, unfortunately. - Oh, nobility. - Of sorts. - So she would be the leader of these elves. That's what her position would be.

So they're packing up Rodswell and they're going to cart him back to the cave unless anyone has any objections. - Wait a minute, do your people have clerics? - Yes, we have healers. What's wrong with your friend? Did he fall in battle? - It's complicated. He has the vapors. - The important part is we could use some attention for him and perhaps your home is closer than Winterhaven. And Malchus kind of looks at Brianna out of the corner of his eye with annoying glance. - Brianna just kind of crosses her arms and just kind of furrows her brow. Brittana just kind of looks at you and says, "You're standing in our home.

Of course, that's the least we could do to help you." She motions to a few of these large strapping elven guys and they kind of wander over and they kind of pat the white ravens on the shoulder. He's like, "We got this." And they take the gurney and kind of trek past you guys. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I want to take Rodswell's money off him. He ain't gonna be needing it. (laughing) - Jesus Christ, you. - That's kind of true. - If we don't have a healer, we're gonna have to stock up. I'm thanking him for the party. - You. - That's a great idea. - Thank you.

- Okay, I'm gonna throw this out there because you guys haven't had to, you haven't gone to a store in a very long time, but each of you have upwards of five to 6,000 gold after the whole drop thing. - I mean, this one's on Rodswell. We can take that. - Yeah, yeah. - We got a bit more. So you take his wallet before. - And all his short handish. - You make it sound awful. - I'm telling you what you're doing. If that sounds awful to you. - He'd be cool with that, you know. - So, Yenward takes Yenward's large paw. He holds the guy's and what they think is, oh, okay, he wants to say goodbye to his friend.

And Yenward reaches down and takes Rodswell's wallet, money pouch, whatever you want to. And they kind of look up at Yenward like, really? - My response is I go, oh, and I ruffle his hair and then walk off. (laughing) - And they trek off into the woods and past the tree line. So Rodswell is now in the care of these elves. (laughing) I'm sorry, I didn't expect that. In the meantime, Brittana offers, Brittana says, if there's anything we can do, if you have any wounded, we can treat them to the best of our ability. We will have to stay here at least the night and wait for what is sure to be a retaliatory attack.

- That's perfect. - But in the meantime, we're going to have food and drink and we can all try to get some kind of rest. We'll take shifts. And she kind of sees where Malchus and Ironhide are kind of banged up. One, before they were banged up to begin with and they were lumping each other up in a fight they had between each other. - Yeah, different cuts and bruises like this is more like. - And then the whole fighting titans falling in a hole, having rocks thrown at your face, that kind of thing. So it's been a long day for the party in general and especially Malchus and Ironhide.

So they're going to go ahead and set up a campsite and start to unpack and try and let people relax to the best of their ability. Liara is going to pull Brittana aside and you can kind of hear these two whispering. In the back of this field, a large blonde haired boy is eyeballing Thoril. - Oh shit. - He's gonna call a shot, he's gonna knock him out. - You recognize this boy as Nathaniel, Talia and Ian's son. - I'm sorry, that sounded like achievement unlocked for Thoril or something. (laughing) - Found Ian's son. - So Brittana and Liara are talking and they motion you guys over and Liara starts talking to you.

There's the matter of that boy who tried to follow you apparently and got lost and he stumbled upon the battle we were having. He was at least efficient enough to be able to help us but I don't think having him around is going to be very helpful. Firstly, I talked to him and his mother and father have no idea he left Winterhaven. - Oh good, cool. - And she's kind of doing the thing where you're far away from somebody but they're making hand motions enough that you can tell they're talking about you. So he kind of comes bounding over and he's real excited to talk to you guys again.

He only briefly got to speak to you in Winterhaven and especially Tyler. He's putting away his broadsword which is coated in blood. So you're kind of wondering where that came from because there's no blood in a warforged and he sticks his hand out to Thoril first. - I extend my hand back to him. - Okay, and this kid is bigger than you. So he's right around that six foot, six one area, big broad chest and he just kind of mongos your hand with such excitement. He's like, "Ah, I'm so excited "to be able to fight next to you. "My mom's told me all about you.

"She told me about the time you guys fought off the cultist "and Thor rescued her from the cage "and how Thoril Songstiel fought off "a dozen minotaurs at once. "And I'm so excited to be able to fight next to you." - Malthus looks over at Thoril and raises the highest single eyebrow at him as he possibly can. - Hey, I didn't say this shit. - Just take credit, man. That's the easiest thing you can do. And he doesn't, he's not shaking anyone else's hand. He just kind of waves at you guys, just like, "Oh, well you guys get to fight next to him. "I mean, you know.

"I mean, any stories you can tell me about what he's done, "just please, just I just wanna know more." - I was under our bed one time. - Just today, valiant Thoril, while we were fighting off these fearsome kobolds, he charged headlong into a 20 foot pit. - Took it down too. Slayed the nasty pit. - Stupid face. - So Nathaniel, his expression goes from like, "Oh, got a story." And he's so excited. And then the more you talk and it's like, that's really funny, but I really wanted to hear a story about something that Thoril's done in combat. And he kind of pushes, like he puts a hand on Yennrich's chest and just kind of pushes past to get closer to Thoril.

- Now, this gets 17, right? - Say what? - 17, right? That's all this is? - Yes. - Okay, yeah. - Yes. - I, uh, Draconis just walks away. I'm done with this, walks away. - Okay. - Can I ask him where that blood came from on his sword? Like, is there humans fighting alongside the War Force now? - Kind of wanna belly bump him a little bit when he tries to push past me. - You totally can if you want. Like, he wasn't gonna move you anyway with pushing. - I know, I just kinda wanna belly check him for trying. - Okay. So. - That's why I embarrassed the kid. - So you kinda bump him a little bit and it kinda knocks him off his feet and he looks up at you and like, it kinda checks him.

He's like, "Sorry, okay, sorry, sorry." And he just kind of sidles up next to Thoril. - I just tell him, I'm like, I have been able to slay many, many great warriors, but be respectful to these guys. I couldn't have done it without them. - Of course, I wouldn't disrespect your caddies. I wouldn't, your shield hands. I wouldn't, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I mean, their job is really important too, to make sure that you have your weapon sharpened and I completely understand. I didn't mean to insult them at all. (laughing) - This kid. - It's a good thing.

(laughing) - I imagine Malchus actually does that. Like he starts juggling and pointing at him. It's like- - No, no, there's just a- - This fucking kid. - Your picture looks like it's all Jonathan Taylor Thomas' my fucking face. (laughing) - Malchus starts walking away and you hear him murmur something about, reminds me of a golden retriever I used to own. (laughing) - So this kid is totally enamored with Thorold, totally. You asked him about how the blood got on his- - I stabbed one on my own. He was crying, killed him dead. - And his excitement kind of turns to, and he looks over at Leora.

I kind of got a little excited and I kind of accidentally cut Leora. I didn't mean to, I took a big broad swing and kind of got a glancing blow off one of the war forged. Yeah, and then he kind of pipes down. - Can I also ask him why is he using such a big sword? Obviously he can't control it, right? So why would you jump from having no weapon experience to broad sword? Where did he get the weapon? - He's definitely large enough to wield it. He's just not very experienced with it, it would seem. Or maybe it's not even, like he would get training. It's just like maybe the excitement of actual combat. 'Cause you're kind of gleaming that this kid's kind of sheltered.

Like he's not, like anyone living in Winterhaven isn't leaving those walls unless it's life or death and especially their kid, come on. So him sneaking out is a big deal. - Just imagine when we get back to Winterhaven, Talia, you got some explaining to do. - You know, and he's gonna charge up, where is he, where did he go? Hate that guy. - Well, you guys have a bit of a decision to make again. - Kill him. - So your options are to, I guess your options would be to either leave this kid in the care of the elves for safekeeping, take him with you or take him back to Winterhaven.

But taking him back to Winterhaven would mean leaving, kind of leaving the forest. - We could use, even if he's completely inept with a sword, we could use more. - I'm so not, I'm not gonna be in charge of him. - Oh, but you so are great. - Yeah, you're the great monster slayer. - He's going with the elves. - He's gonna learn from the best. So he's gonna learn from the best, Thoril. - Yeah. - I'm not there to make this decision, so. - So you guys are, you guys, you're, you're kind of talking openly about what you're gonna do with him. - Saddle up with your young ward there, Thoril.

- Oh, please, I won't get in the way. I just, I just want to see you in combat, please. Just, I understand what you're doing here. Leora told me all about it. It's very important. Just let me make a difference. Let me help. - Thoril, you're really gonna leave that much moxie behind, Thoril? - Malchus calls over, Malchus calls over from a distance. Thoril, do you have a moment? - Sure. - You head on over? - Yeah, yeah. - Anyone else is welcome to follow him, I don't care, but, I mean, except the kid. Malchus just looks at Thoril and crosses arms and goes, do you think he's yours?

- Uh, almost definitely. (laughing) - As much as it, as much as his gusto is almost physically painful for me to bear, it could be a moment to bond with him. We don't know how long we have, considering the conditions we're going through. - We could also use the cannon fodder. - I don't want to be responsible for the death of a kid. Your kid. It's ultimately up to you. Would you like to die without ever knowing your son? - Great warrior like you should have no problem keeping his head. - Oh, fucking hell. - That is a fucking guilt trip if I ever heard one.

Do you want to die without ever knowing your son? - Can I keep this in character? Can I just say, blow me, Yennward? - Hey man, everything's in control. - Yeah, I guess he can come with. - The kid's just, like, he's out of earshot, but he's like, looking, he's doing that thing where he's trying to, like, he's trying to look at each one of your facial expressions to kind of gleam, like, what, where's this going? Where's this going to land? - What's that? - It doesn't have that, does it? - So are you going to tell him? - No, fuck it. - I'll walk over to him and just simply say, you're coming with us.

- God, get, and he fucking, he bear hugs the shit out of you and then he stops for, oh God, I'm so sorry. And he grabs your hand, like, forcefully and starts shaking the shit out of it. And I just, oh God, I'm so excited. I can't wait to learn from you. - You're gonna learn so much. - So the camp is being set up and in the midst of all this, Brittana is kind of flowing about the camp. She's just kind of walking around and checking on everyone. And she motions to Thoril and waves him over, just very gently. - Yeah, I go over to her. - She says, I have a matter I need to speak to you about.

It's very sensitive, I'm afraid. Is there a chance we could speak privately? - Sure. - And you guys are kind of walking and talking. And she says, I had a vision about you, several, as a matter of fact, they all in the same way. I think you're going to be murdered by one of your friends. Let me explain. From time to time, I get small glimpses into what would appear to be the future. Now these have come true before. Before even meeting you, I had visions of you in battle, some sort of battle and a weapon being plunged into your back. You didn't appear to be fighting this person, so I can only assume it's someone you would trust.

I thought you should know. - Thank you for letting me know that. - Would you have any reason to think that one of your friends would betray you? - Not any one of the ones I've been fighting alongside with recently. - Well, nevertheless, just keep an eye on your back, okay? And she kind of lays a hand on your shoulder. - Could've asked what kind of weapon it was. - Well, she said a sword. - I didn't. - Some weapon. - Something plunging in the heart, yeah. - Yeah. - Could've been anything. - She says, if you'll excuse me, I need to tend to the camp. And if you're not gonna say anything else, she starts kind of floating away.

Does she have any rope? - You're gonna tie her up. - Not her. (laughing) All your friends. (laughing) - Oh, well, well. - No, not everybody. - Who? - Just the one she suspected. - Okay, well, who is it? Because you don't know what kind of weapon it is. - Expert detective. - Be honest. - If anything, I'd probably- - You're getting awful defensive here, Ironhide. (laughing) - Oh yeah, you're racist. - You don't know anything. - Do you guys wanna take a rest? - Yes. - Oh yes, we wanna sleep. Oh, the healing surges. - I wanna hear who Tyler thinks the murderer is. (laughing) - It's just pretty cool.

- You get it out, Jason. Who do you think it is, Tyler? - I think I'm gonna go hog tie the kid. - There it is. - Oh yeah, yeah. - So you guys kind of bed down here next to a nice, excuse me, a nice crackling warm campfire. And for the first time in a long time, you guys are able to get some kind of rest. So while you guys are kind of laying down and spaced out a little bit, Brianna is going to walk over to Ironhide and she's gonna kind of sit down next to him. 'Cause Ironhide doesn't sleep anyway, so he's just gonna kind of sit there for a while. And she kind of sits down and there's this kind of a long silence.

Like she's kind of working the courage up to say something. You were right. - About what, your emotions? (laughing) - And me, so she starts clenching her fist again. No, kind of, yes. I made a stupid mistake. I saw Malchus get knocked out. Like a stupid kid, I ran. I ran towards him. I could have gotten everyone killed, least of all myself. I just want you to know that I recognize that and it won't happen again. And she's kind of whispering this to you, like it's under her breath. Like she wants you to hear it and she wants you to know that she made a mistake, but it's not something she's proud of and she's not kind of announcing it to the group.

I understand that the way that my people look, we all look like monstrous golems, which for my brothers being mindless, that's pretty spot on for them. But I was looking at this like, if something would have happened to you out there, Malchus would have collapsed and he would have been no good to us. At the end of the day, it's about us getting this job done with as many people as we can. So if anybody is lost, like what happened to Rotswell, then we can still go on with this. - I'm also quite honestly not used to fighting next to such capable fighters.

So I'll try not to take all of the initiative next time. And she offers her hand to you. - Why, is it like shaking or? - Yeah. - Right. - No, like here's my hand. - She just lost it off and hands it over. - Yeah. - That's cool, I could use one of these, I start chomping down. - Okay, so you guys shake hands and if no one else wants to do anything, I'm gonna let you guys get some sleep. Does anyone else wanna speak or do anything or get anything off your chest beforehand? You guys are kind of having your standby me moment next to the crackling fire. Do any of the Arrow Maidens need company?

(laughs) - Would you like to try and hit on some of the elven ladies? - 2.0. - This reminds me of somebody from group two. - It worked out well for him. - I feel like now is not the time. - Okay. - I know my time. - Okay. - Afterwards I'll have my Bruce Campbell moment. - All right, so you guys get some sleep. - Yay! - Hours go by and the, so this is dead of night when you hear a terrible noise. - The puppies. - Which sounds like a cross between a meteor striking the planet. - Jesus. - And several trees being snapped in half. You see a couple of these elves come streaking out of the tree line and they seem to be coming from the direction where you guys were before, the clearing you guys took from the Titans.

And the only thing they keep shouting is run. - Okay, whether or not I'm going to obey that it's very dependent on your answer to this next question. - Okay. - Do I have my healing surges and dailies back? - Everyone's back to full. - Full sprigs and faces team. - Let's run. - Haul some ass. - I don't know. - I'm fine with hauling some ass. - Maybe we should run guys. - Cause we should haul all these. - Sounds like a good idea. - Malchus, for the briefest moment, Malchus gives all of you the seriously come on look and then he follows you. - No, no, no, no. We have a legendary warrior here.

He could kill with one blow. - So, okay, wait. So you guys are kind of roused from your sleep here and Nathaniel is almost too close to Thoril. Like he's sidled right up. - Almost, almost spooning me. - Almost spooning. - He's almost inside. - He's a few more minutes to be in. - Just the tip. - He's nestled firmly in the grass. - Yeah, like he's right there. But he's like, he grabs his broad sword and... - He does. - Good night everybody. - That was dumb. - He grabs his broad sword and he yells to Thoril, come on, come on, this is it. This is the counterattack, come on.

We all knew they were gonna do it. Just let's fight them off. - Out of character, that boy's gonna die. (laughing) - All right, Draconis is gonna look at him and yell to shut the fuck up. - And he has this look on his face of pure shock. Are you gonna let him speak to me that way? - I thought he was gonna say, let's do this. - And he's looking at Thoril kind of imploringly. Are you gonna let him talk to me like that? - I'd like to pipe up. - Yeah, shut the fuck up. I told you to respect them. They're great warriors just as I am as well. - Can I do it? - For what?

- Bluff, I'm gonna bluff the creature. Now I wanna do a perception mess. - What's happening with my table? - Wait, wait, wait. So you're rolling perception on what? - On the noise, the crackle. - Okay. - The thing that's coming out of the forest. - Okay. What is it? - Oh, mass perception. - It's a creature from Lost. - This is loud. - 17. 17. You listen for a few seconds and it's definitely coming from the area you guys have cleaned out. It definitely also sounds like whatever it was wasn't an explosion and it wasn't, it sounds like it's persistent. It sounds like movement.

- Okay, can I suggest something to the group? - Sure, yeah. - Archers and mages in the back, warriors up front. - So we're staying and fighting. - It's just gonna follow us. - Are all the other elves, are they running? Are they like? - By a raspberries. - They seem to be under the impression that this is not gonna end well. They are definitely hauling some ass, but the white ravens have pretty much, their forces are fairly dwindled as it is. Now it's up to you if you'd like to take them into battle with you. - Yeah. - If we are going into battle, yeah. - Everyone.

- They're gonna stay. - Okay, so. - It's gonna be tough. - Second question. Are you going to move towards the noise or wait for it to come to you? - How's the terrain around us? Like, is it favorable? - It's right here, like this, right? - It's what you see. I'm gonna be moving some stuff around. - You fucking galacki pools out there, bitches. - But it's pretty much what you see, like. - Okay, can you point, tell us which direction they're coming from on that side? - It'll be like over here. - Okay, left side, okay, gotcha. - That's the right side, but. - He's close.

- This is, at the very least, this isn't cluttered with a lot of rough terrain. I think I like this over taking a random chance. - Now, the one thing that I will say is it sounds like whatever is over there is destroying everything. - Let's run. - It does, like, we're talking, you know that sound a tree makes when it's falling over? - Yeah. - Well, imagine it being-- - It's a whole bunch of them at once. - A whole bunch of them at once, and then mixed in, it sounds like trees being snapped in half. - Yeah, this could be something different. - Can we yell at one of these passing elves that actually came from the forest?

Like, do you know what it is? What is it? - So, one of the arrow maidens that are sprinting full bore, the opposite direction, I imagine you just kind of grab her by the arm or something like that and just, I've never seen anything before, like anything like that before in my life. - Okay, run. (sighs) - Live to fight another day. - Run this way. - Okay, it sounds like we're running, let's run. - Let's run this way. - Okay, so which way? - The opposite way. - Okay, so you're gonna follow the pack of elves and they're gonna start running-- - We run this way, they might choose the elves and we can get away.

- Sacrifice the elves. Wait, Rod's both with them though. - That's true. - He stays with us. - I think splitting this up, I think we should run with them. - Okay, let's run with the elves. - Well, they're running towards the great tree. That's their home base, but that is, let me make this totally clear. - They're not running, they're regrouped. - That's it. They're running to get ready and garner some kind of defense. This is it for them. This is their home. They're being driven out of their home and this, whatever it is, is like you guys knew that there was gonna be a retaliatory attack.

It was gonna happen. - Okay, so it sounds like it would actually be a lot better if we just fall back with them and just one final defense. - Yes. - Okay. - Yeah. - All right. - To the great tree. - So, okay. - Hit the music. - This is gonna be, this is gonna be interesting. - I think also it would be cool if, as we're waiting for it to come, we hear Iron Maiden, the trooper. - Another Wilbur Z reference, awesome. - Well also it's a really good fucking song. It does make you wanna fight. - That is good. - Like fight a war, not like fight a fuzz fight or something.

(laughing) - I haven't seen that movie. (imitating music) - All right. (laughing) - That was adorable. - Uh. - Just ruined the movie for me. - Here's, here's, the movie sucked. I didn't see it and it sucked. - Everyone put your characters somewhere in that vicinity. Where you are right now would be the final bit of forest before the great tree. Now, by letting it get this far, it is devastating the tree line, just devastating. Everything, all you see are huge trees tumbling forward and backward, like that's all you see is you're sprinting into the forest.

And it almost feels like this thing's keeping pace. So whatever it is, is, is massive and devastating. And I'm gonna surround you guys with some elves as backup. Nathaniel's gonna be, where's Thoril? Nathaniel's gonna be right there next to Thoril. - He's got cornrows, what a fucking- - He's gonna be right behind me. - Put him on top of Thoril, that'd be hilarious. (laughing) - Thoril right on him. - I'll leave a tip. - Oh, you guys got the same eyebrows by the way. (laughing) - So like, he doesn't find it weird that his mother only tells him stories about Thoril and how great he is and how awesome he is.

- Well, that's the only world he's ever known though. - Yeah, that's- - Yeah, but that's kind of weird that like, he runs with a pack of people and that's all she ever talks about. It's not like, "Hey, why don't you talk about your husband, how great he was?" - I think the goal in this battle then is to out DPS Thoril and shame him in front of his progeny. - Well, if he doesn't one shot it, then he's already shamed himself. - So you're gonna be getting some elven warriors up front and in the great tree behind you are just a massive amount of archers that are gonna be firing at this thing and that's gonna be giving it, it's gonna be giving it damage every round.

- Cool. - You're trading that assistance for the tree line of the Evergreen basically. - Their home is devastated, win, lose, draw. Go ahead and roll and, okay. Maybe I should show you what you're gonna be going against before you roll initiative. - Yeah, I wanna run against- - We know you're zombies. - You can imagine that thing. - Now you're a titan. - It's gonna be the Megazord of titans. - Hope it's like a little goblin. Be awesome. - So after a few moments of this, you just hear cracking and splitting and you're not sure but it almost sounds like a roar and you just see the trees tumbling and the longer this goes on, the more terrified everyone is because this thing is not slowing down, it's not stopping.

And then you see a pair of giant gauntlet-like hands part the trees in front of you and then brush them away and snap them. - So it's a reaper. - And a giant fucking, a new brand of titan that you've never seen steps forward out of the forest. - That's intimidating. - I'm just waiting for Ironhide to pipe up and be like, "I knew you'd make it from Cybertron someday." (laughing) - My brother. - Everyone roll initiative. - I got a six too. - I got a 15. - I got an eight. - Oh, that's sad. - I won't be last this time. - Why should I be last? - 11, yeah. - Almost, your second one.

Oh, third, no second. Jake, I think he's number one in our group which is pathetic for all of us. - Who'd try to say that? - That you were the best out of the losers. - Okay, I'll take that. - Let's see here, 15 for, what did Ironhide, what'd you get? - I think I got a 16. - 16? 16, okay. - Fine, I'll take it. - Well, you did, you got it. - Fine. - Brianna, she rolled a 24 and Nathaniel rolled an 18. The titan elite, as we're gonna dub this unit. Hold on a second, let me add these elves to the initiative track. The four elves that are in front of you. - Canon Father of God damn it.

- Okay, so, and the titan elite rolled a 20. So. - Of course. - That's not that great. I mean, that's pretty damn good. But we have people that went a little higher than me. - And what about the tree line full of elves? - Do we have time? - Let's go, let's do strategy really quick. - Sure, absolutely, go ahead. What the tree line full of elves behind you, what they're gonna do is they're going, every turn they're gonna give, I'm gonna roll just for damage and they're going to, like collectively as a horde, they're gonna just fire arrows at this thing. - Like a number, yeah.

- Every turn. - Yeah. Every, at the end of each round. - They're dead at the end of this, like at the end of like two turns. - You said every turn. - Well, I corrected myself. - They get a standard movement and minor action. We'll just count as three attacks. They can't move. - What would you, yeah, go ahead and discuss strategy. I'm gonna look over something real quick. - Okay, so guys, I got this new wall. I don't know if that would do anything. Do you guys wanna fight? I don't know how we can fight behind it maybe, I don't know. - Well, that's the thing, it blocks line of sight.

You can't fire at it and it can't fire at you. - Well, that sounds perfect to me then. That sounds good. - You can hide in the corner. Anybody with any kind of range, I think they should stay back. - Okay, I will, yes. - Yes, actually you do have range. We have our dailies, I think we should just blitz them and all like flank them and blitz them. - Yeah. - So you're cool if I stand behind a wall, right? - You're best when you're not getting punched. I think that sounds wise. - I was about to say. - Well, I mean like if you stay behind a wall, you can't attack and you know.

- But I have like burst stuff, doesn't that mean like, I still can't do that on the other side of the wall, I can't do that? - Well, you can't see him so you can't target him. I mean, I can't burst that shit. Let me see the wording on that. Actually, I mean, you might be able to catch him in bursts. I mean, you'd still have to target an area though. That's my thing. And if you have to fire beyond the wall, you won't be able to see the area to target. What do you think, Rob? - Um, if the wall's 20 feet high and this guy's, this guy technically occupies a 15 foot cube.

If the wall blocks line of sight, then you can't see him over it. - Yeah, clearly Rob's on my side. He wants this monster to rend you. Like it's. God, Thor, we ain't even scared. - I just want to earn it. It's for the glory of victory. - This thing, by the way, let me describe what this is. This is a giant. This doesn't look like the Titans that you fought before. The other Titans look almost robotic. Like they were designed to cut down trees and defend themselves as necessary. This is pure, raw combat. This was designed. This was designed to destroy and hurt.

This thing is about 17 feet tall. And it, think about how tall 17 feet is. - Okay, yeah, that's bad. I just thought he would be a lot bigger, like knocking those trees down, like nothing. - Well, I mean, it's not that he's not- - Imagination got away, yeah. - Yeah, like, just think about how strong that would be to just splinter trees and stuff. - Also, I can't stress this enough, hit his fortitude. If he's anything like other Warforged, hit his fortitude. - Okay. - This dude's going to be a wall of fortitude. I would say reflex is going to be your best shot.

If I had to speculate. - This guy is not a normal Warforged. I'm throwing that out. - I'm saying he is. - Anything with that much bulk typically has a higher fortitude. - Okay, fine. And his AC is probably off the Chiz Arts. - Probably. No, it's going to suck. Don't get me wrong. The whole battle's going to suck, but we're going to make it. - Okay. Wait, is Bree here? - Yes, she's standing right behind you, actually. - Oh, hold on, let me scroll down. Yep, you're right. You're right. - Malchus looks back at Bree and says, "You know that thing you do when you wreck everything?

It'd probably be good to do that right now." - She just kind of nods her head, and you can see where she's starting to focus. Elven Warrior number two is going to race up here. - That's dumb. That's dumb. - Well, he's doing what he can to survive. - And he's done it. I don't know. - This is their house, basically. This is their home. Like, they are, this is it. This isn't just the forest, which they call home. This is the great tree. This is it. Like, if they don't defend us, there's nothing to live for anyway to them. So this is, yeah. So he is going to use something called Deep Arrow.

And it's a ranged attack. 28 versus AC, so that's going to hit. - Yeah. - And that's 48. So at least no 28 hits. 28. - Fucking. - So 28 damage. - Fucking Todd fucking up the tank. - These guys are, these guys are the elite, you know, these guys are the shit. - That and it should be known that number two is Todd. - Number two, that's canon. That is Todd the Elf. - Todd's the Elf. I like it. - Todd's a bad motherfucker. - And if he survives, he gets a last name. - I am Todd of the Great Wood. - As a reaction to being hit, the Titan kind of reflexively, so this arrow slams into his chest and the Titan focuses down on, the Titan focuses down on Todd and holds at his fist and the fist fires off of his wrist.

- Oh fuck. - Attached to a large bulky chain and let me make an attack for that. - Todd's dead as fuck. - You don't know that. - Off the chain. - You guys, we found fantasy Megazord and I don't like it. - It can't do that much damage. - See? - 17 is going to, 17 versus AC. That's going to miss. - Ha. - So the elf, so Todd just kind of sees this giant fist coming towards him and ducks just in time to watch this thing fly past and splinter a tree behind him. Brianna's turn. - Good job, Todd. - I think Todd needs to join the group. (laughing) - I think he's got what it takes.

- Yeah. - Brianna rolled a three on her psionic charge. - Trades you one Nathaniel for one time. (laughing) - So she's going to get a plus five to her next attack. Titan Elite's turn. He is going to stomp forward and each step this thing takes. - Scary fuck. - This, like the ground beneath you, it's like the closer he lumbers towards you, it's getting harder and harder to keep your footing. Like it's that bad that he's reverberating things. And he is going to, he is, let me see if I can find the exact attack I want. - Do something big and scary. - Let's see here.

- Fucking Mechagodzilla in the woods. (laughing) - So after we go through the whole first like round, then he gets it with the arrow, is that how it works? - Yes. - Or is it on the beginning? Okay, and okay. - It's at the very end. - Gotcha. - Like as a retaliatory thing. - Cool. - Let's see here. He is going to use something called Hammer Hand. So this is a D20 plus 15. He's going to roll against Todd. - Duh. - Oh fuck. - 30. - Oh no. - 30's gonna hit. - Doesn't mean it kills him. - So he's gonna, so his hand which is attached to his wrist again, he's gonna hover it over Todd and spread, like just spread his hand out wide and slam down on top of him.

- Oh, Todd kicks. - And at the end he's going to scoop up whatever dirt or tree stump or whatever is under, including Todd, and make a fist. So not only does he get slammed by this giant hand, he's also grabbed. So that's 2D12 plus five damage. So that's 10, so that's 10 and Todd is grabbed. - He's not dead. - It's not bad at all. - Elven Warrior number three. He is going to race up right in this Titan's face. - Oh, his name's Obby. - It's the elf. - He's gotta have like some kind of cool name too because he ran up there also. - And he's gonna use his short sword and that's 8D20 plus 14, 24, and that will hit his AC.

- Holy shit. - Fucking A, Obby. - Opie. - Opie. - Opie. - And he's gonna do 14 damage to this thing. - Opie's no Todd, but he's up there. - So as a triggered reaction, the Titan's gonna use slap. - Oh my God, he's gonna get reaction hits every fucking time. - Is that true? Is that how it works? - I am not at liberty to tell you that. - Oh well shit. - Not when the great warrior, Thoril hits him. - Fucker's gonna stay down. - Fuck you. - And that's gonna be D10 plus five, 10 damage. And he is thrown three spaces and prone. Just conditions, make him prone. - How do you shorten the name, Obie?

- Nathaniel's turn. - Shit. - Hey dog. - So Nathaniel is looking at this immense, awful nightmarish creature and he is clearly pissing himself. Then he looks over at Thoril. - Also. - Also pissing himself. - Dream of hot urine. - And he's kind of like, and races out towards this thing. - Nothing like learning on the job. - As he's running, I just say, this is what you wanted. - It's so fucking cold. - Hashtag parenthood. - Just remember. - Hey, you gotta let the kid put the key in the light socket and have him get shot before he finds out not to do it again. - You should have your son the keys.

- Yes, this is more like gotta let the kid jump in the trash compactor while it's running before he knows not to jump in the trash compactor. - So he sprints out towards this thing and sadly he is exhausted by the time he gets to it. So he doesn't get to make an attack. - Draconis. - Fucking worthless. - Okay. - We can do shots like fireballs and stuff like that and it arc over people, right? 'Cause he's tall, right? - Yeah. - I'll allow it. - Thanks Raph. - Yeah, seems legit. - I am going to be using Ice Storm, which is my new ability here. - It's out of character.

- She's as cold as ice. - It's like gonna be like this area like here. - Okay, okay. - It's actually bigger than that, it's like there. - Isn't it a burst three, I think? - Yeah, it's a little bit bigger. It's like right there. - Just keeps going and going. - Wait, hold on, it's still a little bit bigger than that. - Yeah, it's. - We're all dead. - And. - Yep, and down. - Whoa, I wanna laptop, there we go. Cool, that is it. - Okay, so for those of you who can't see at home, a big ass chunk of land is about to be covered in a terrible ice storm. - It's dangerous.

- Which keeps getting bigger. So that is a burst three within, whoa, wait a second. Let me see what exactly it says, Ice Storm. I can't just let, a hollow victory is not a victory. - Exactly. - Okay, within 20 squared, okay. Yep, that's good, it's all legit. - All right, here we go. And this is against fortitude, because I was told to roll fortitude, I'm joking. - You got this. - It is a 25. - That hits. - 25 will hit. - All righty, damage, two of these guys. And some of these guys. 2d8 plus seven for those of you who are at home and can't see. - Oh yes, yes, that'd be it.

So total of 14 damage. - 14 damage, and the target is immobilized. So he's being coated in ice. So his legs are just like beginning to freeze over and yeah, so this thing is, yeah, like you've stopped it from moving. - And the whole zone is a difficult terrain until the end of the encounter. - Okay. - For enemies or for everyone? - The whole zone. - Okay, it just is, okay. - Yep, that whole zone is difficult terrain. - All right, and Ironhide, your turn. Or do you wanna move or anything, Surgonus? - I'm gonna just take a couple steps back. - Okay. - All right, you can go.

- Ironhide, your turn. - All right. - Stay next to Bree. - How many steps can I take? I could take. - Six, I believe. - Was it six? - Six. - It's the magic of the radiator. You can take as many as you want. - I'm going over here and I'm gonna use Whirling Blade. - Okay. - Yes, yes, all right. What is that? 21, shit, that misses. - What's that against? - AC. - That'll miss. - Yeah, damn it. And that's gonna come back to me and I will feel less like a man. And I think I'm all done. - Thoril, your turn. I would like to remind you, you are out of arrow. - Yep. (laughing) - We're doomed.

- Two, three, four, five, six. - That's pretty much everything I can do since I'm out of arrow. - Do you wanna move closer? - Where is the last one? - I can. - Can I get out of like an attacker or something? - Yes, sure. - One, two, no. - I will move right here. - Okay. - Just to be clear, you're moving behind your, behind Nathaniel. - Okay. - One, two. - As long as he's not behind you, you're good. - Elven warrior number one is going to take his turn and sprint up next to Nathaniel. - Yenward, your turn. - Okey-dokey. I am going to, yeah, and I'm gonna throw my ax at him.

- Okay, I will remind you that you can do that, but your big heavy-handed attacks are the ones you need to get right next to him for. Just letting you know. - Right, I know. But I can't, I can't, I don't, I can't move that far, so I just, I'm just gonna have to throw something at him. - Okay, okay. - Let me make sure, I guess I was on the wrong thing. Yeah, I'm on the right thing. Boom. - 25 versus AC, that hits. - 25 will hit. - And two D10s, plus eight. 20 damage. - 20 damage, nice. So, of course your ax streaks off to its target, plants itself in his forearm, and then you see the lightning strike, and it barely phases him, and then your ax returns.

- Elven warrior number four is going to sprint right up next to him, and he's going to attack with a short sword. 23, that will miss, so. - Okay, so it is AC's 24. - Malchus, your turn. - Okay, I will scoot up here, and Eldritch Bolt, still doing the plus ones for fast decision? - Sure, yes. - I like those. - All right, and if I can actually roll, 'cause my taskbar isn't popping up. Oh, 23 versus reflex. - That'll hit. - Nice. D10 plus 14. - That was reflex? - Yeah, my range attack goes after reflex. So 23 damage, that is, with the force damage if it makes a difference, and then I will, with my minor, activate Emerald Shield.

So until the end of the encounter, plus two to AC and reflex for me. - Okay. At the end of this round, a volley of arrows is launched from Kalkas, the Great Tree, and that is going to be 4d12. 21 damage. - Nice. - I like that one. - Yeah, you could've done better. - We'll take it, we'll take it. - Well, imagine all these arrows that, it's just ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, like it's hitting him, but it's not. Elven Warrior number two is going to use-- - Todd! - Todd, Todd, Todd is going to swing at the Mighty Titan 18, and Todd will miss, sadly.

- Fucking Todd. - Brianna, Brianna's going to sprint forward to about midway. So she's about 20 feet from this thing. And she is going to use Force Blast and roll 33. - Nice. - Atta girl. - So that is 3d8 plus 17 because of the bump from last. 32 damage. - Ooh. - All right, oh man, if you could see this, wow, okay. Titan Elite! - What the hell from this guy? - I'm not even, (laughs) Ah shit, I can't do that. - You sure can't. - Take back the damage that Todd did. - Yeah, because he was held in that guy's arm. - He was grabbed, yep, so let me give the Titan back the health.

- Wait, wait, wait, Todd missed. - Oh, he did miss, you're right. So it doesn't matter, he's going to roll a saving throw though. - No, he's going to roll a, okay, that doesn't matter anyway. So while Todd is grabbed in the one hand of the Titan, he's going to use something called Slam. And he's going to pick the fist up again and drive it back down into a series of rocks and dirt. And that is a d20 plus 15 versus Todd. 27. And that is a 3d10 plus 10, 27 to Todd. - Let's just hope he's a true elite warrior. - So Todd's getting fucked up, but he's not quite bloodied yet.

- Wow. - And the, let me see, he's going to roll a d20 to see if he's not immobilized anymore. - Yeah, oh. - So he's still immobilized. - Elven Warrior is going to stand up, Elven Warrior 3, who was launched back earlier. And he's going to run and juke past Thoril and sprint up into the rough terrain of the ice storm. - False right, it is a bad guess. - And that'll end his turn. Nathaniel! So, okay, Nathaniel readies his broadsword and he is pissing himself. Like he has no confidence in his actions whatsoever. And he is going to swipe at the Titan with a 15 and miss.

Draconis, your turn. - The worst. - Chip off the old block right here. Draconis, Jake. - Fireball and I'm going to position it. It's the same size as the storm. So if you can just picture those like- - Sure. Overlapping, sure. - I can just do it kind of, well, no, just no. - Aren't you going to melt it? - No, that's just- - That works. - Pretty fucking tornado, let's say. - All right, so this is going to be Fireball 19 for his reflex, that's not very high. - No, and roll against the elf too. - It's one roll, it's one row higher, so it doesn't hit the elf. That makes sense.

- Wait, wait, wait, what attack is this again? - Fireball, come on. - Fireball, that's every creature in the burst. - Okay, hold on, I'll just draw it out. - Well, you told me it took up the exact same- - I said it's the same size, it's that right there. - All right, okay, fine. - Yeah, it's like one row up, yeah. - This seems like retconning, but that's okay, whatever. - What, wait. - I'll let you have it. You missed anyway, so it's fine. - Yeah, I do half damage, come on now, come on. - Okay, so roll damage. - You're so accommodating, Dina. - And 17. - Wait, no, no, no, I said one roll higher.

I said one roll higher. - Okay, okay, man, it's okay. - Same, come on now. - It's okay. - There's no beef. - Done the gun, everything's fine. - There's no beef, it's okay. - Half of, okay. - Everything's gotta be A-okay. - Uh, half of 17, okay, so. Next up, it is Ironhide. - So this is like, this area right here is ice ice baby, right? - Yes. - So that means my movement's halved. - It's rough terrain, so yeah, when you're, yeah. - One, two, three. - Who is doing that? - Yeah, stop that, please. - What? - Whatever the rub is. - It was you. - My bad. - Okay, so that's like five, I think.

- Uh, Jesus Christ, I'm so disappointed with myself. - Oh, Jesus. - Alright, I will use Green Flame Blade, what is that? Well, I'm not gonna read that, I'm just gonna use something that I know works, I'm gonna use Green Flame Blade. - Okay. - 23, that just misses. - His AC? Yeah, that'll miss. Thoril, your turn. - I wanna use Aegis of Assault also, 'cause I can. Where is he not able to? Thoril? - Yep, yep, okay. I didn't know if he was actually gonna use Aegis of Assault. - I did. - Okay, that's fine. - So nobody actually got back to me. - Okay, it's fine. You use Aegis of Assault.

So it's my turn now? - Yes. - Thoril, okay, thank you. I wasn't sure if he was still doing anything or not. - That's okay. - So I saunter on up to the Titan here, and good old melee basic attack. - Alright. Nathaniel. - 29. - 29 will hit. - Right. - 2d8 plus 12, we got 17. - Shit. - 17 damage, and okay. Go ahead and I'm gonna let you do the spin around offhand. Go ahead. - I don't like this. - He's gonna spin around. Oh, he is also on the ground. - 22. - Yeah, he's not on the ground. He's frozen in place. - Yeah. - Yeah. Okay, 22 was gonna miss. - Can I do heroic effort?

- You sure can. - Alright, heroic effort then. - That hits. - Alright. Wait, how did people get heroic effort? - You have to be human. - Racist. - It's true. - 2d6. - Do I get half heroic effort 'cause I'm a bull man? - That's 14. - Nope, still mud blocked, sorry. - 20 damage. - 20 damage, hit harder. - Okay. - The titan is gonna ball up his fist. - It's gonna hit you with Todd. (laughing) - Still grasping Todd in one fist. He is going to just slap at you, just punch at you. And that is, that's a 33, that's gonna hit. - Yeah, I think so. - Jeez. - Oh good, I'm the first one in the party to take damage.

- That's a, you know, it's a thing. - 18 damage and you fly back to this tree stump. So right there-ish. So 18 damage. Alright, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna get to the end of the round and wrap things up. Elven warrior number one, he's gonna use his short sword, try and cleave some kind of, some bacon off his thing's back. 32 will hit. - Nice, nice. - 13 damage. So that is... - Good one, Opie. (laughing) - That was number four. - That was number one. And the titan is going to make a retaliatory attack. 28. - Please do one damage. I know it's physically impossible, but.

- 18 and he's going to go back three spaces and knocked prone, you know the deal here. I got a mark. - Yinward, your turn. - Okay, I'm gonna sachet on up to Mr. Titan over here. - I should say there's room now. - Yes. - Way to clog in and out. - And I'm gonna try out bone crusher. 34. - 34 will hit. - A man. - So six D10. - Plus eight. - Five and six. I'm gonna hurt you bad. (laughing) Okay. My damage, 27. - 27 damage. - Pretty respectable and this target also gains a vulnerable 10 weapon attacks until he rolls a saving throw. - Okay, so that's huge. - Have at you guys.

- 27 and he's going to take an extra 10 damage from anyone using a weapon against him. - Damn. - That's huge. I think it's the rest of encounter, right? Until save ends, until save ends. So he's got two effects on him right now. Elven warrior number four. He's gonna use a short sword too. - That's what I'm saying. - Maven. - Maven the elf. 28. - These guys are swinging pretty hard. - Drop kicks the Titan. - It sends a flying backwards dead. - Eliminating him from the royal rumble. 27 with the added 10 from the end word. - So you're awesome. - This elf just did as much damage as the end word and he is bloodied.

- God. - Malchus, your turn. - Oh my word, it is the best day right now. - Okay. So let me just unpack this for you 'cause there's a lot going on this round. Minor action. Minor action, Iron Aspect of Dissipator. So I gain resist five to all damage and can ignore force movement. Move action. Step up into the Titan space, getting flanking with Ironhide. Next, Soul Eater. Plus one for fast decision making. Plus one for bloodied foe. Plus two for flanking. So rolling a D20 plus 19. 25 AC. - That barely hits. - D12 plus 14 damage. 23 damage. - 23 damage. - Action point.

- Oh shit. - Lacing Doom of the Void with an additional plus two from Soul Eater. So D20 plus 21 versus fortitude. Oh and sorry, Soul Eater was a weapon attack. - Shit, that's another 10. - Yes. - You're right. - Okay. - As is Blazing Doom of the Void. D20 plus 21. This is versus fortitude. 30 versus four. - 30 will hit. - 2D12 plus 14. So plus 24 total after the weapon damage boost. - This is like that Yu-Gi-Oh! show where the dude just like, it all comes together. - I place my teeth like in attack mode. - Just flipping cards over and shit. It's crazy. - So that's 32 and that does include the plus 10 for weapon vulnerability.

- All right, so 32 damage. As a triggered action, the Titan will ball up his fist and swing at Malkus. - As an immediate reaction, I trigger. I was waiting for it. I was waiting for it. As an immediate reaction, I trigger Emerald Shield. This is not a weapon attack. He just flat out takes an additional, 11 radiant damage for hitting me. - Okay, so he's gonna take 11. You will be hit by this thing. - Okay. AC of 26. - He hit you with 27. - Okay. - Yeah. I've got to say, it can't be a 21. - You guys served this. You were asking for it. - You, 19 damage and he is going to smash you against the trees and since you're so close to them, you're gonna take another five from that.

- No forced movement, iron aspect. - Oh shit. - And subtract five from the damage. Oh, he's such a boss. I can hardly stand it. - Oh shit. - Wow. - So you only deal 14 damage and I don't move. - Okay. So he crunks the shit out of you and to his surprise, you don't move. - I'm taking a good three minutes to assemble that turn in my head. - At the end of Malkus' turn, from the tree, from the tree line, you see thousands of tiny flickers as the elves light their arrows on fire this time. - Nice. The angel kills. - And then you just see a volley of flaming arrows.

- I'd like to hit the back. - Malkus and Ironhide are killed instantly, caught in the volley. - I think none of us would actually stand a chance. - That's five D 10, 29 damage to this thing. Elvin, no, Elvin warrior number two still grabbed. - Todd. - Todd, sorry, Todd the elf. - He's gonna survive this. - He escapes the grasp. - Holy shit. It's a shot. - Todd, as he is the brave. - Toph, you get the final, although I feel it. - Brianna is going to use psionic charge. - Oh, 13 sets a plus 10 to her next attack. Titan elite. You guys bloodied him, didn't you? Okay, here's what we're gonna do.

Yeah, no, you did. You did. - Just oil and cooling, just spewing everywhere. - He's gonna raise both hands over his head, now that fucking Todd's free anyway. Both hands over his head. And it's almost like he's flexing over his own head. And you just see lightning start crackling back and forth between his hands. - Can you do that? - And he's going to plunge both fists into the ground and this shockwave of lightning and thunder is going to hit everyone adjacent to him. So let me roll an attack against everyone here. - It's a fortitude. - This is going to be, yes, against fortitude.

So right down, let me start with iron hide. 23. Elven archer number three, 21. That'll hit him. Nope, that'll miss him. Yenward, 16. - Hold my dick. - Nathaniel, 24. That'll hit Nathaniel. - You suck, Nathaniel. The worst. - I kinda hope he dies. - Elven warrior number four is going to also be hit. 27, so will Todd. And Malkus, 28 versus your fortitude. - Yeah, it's got me. - Okay. That's going to be 3d8 plus eight. 18 to everyone except for Yenward and that elven warrior. So let me go ahead. And now you still have the iron aspect thing. Does that affect your damage?

- It continues until the end of my next turn. So yeah, subtract five. - Okay, I can do that. - Cool. - I got bad news for you guys. It looks like Todd is bloodied. - Well, I mean, you know, he's bloodied, but not dead. - We need to heal her. - Todd's a true friend. - Dude, we're doing pretty good. He needs to heal. He needs to- - Not if we lose Todd. - We're doing great, you guys. We're going to drop this thing. We've got it. - You guys are doing great with the help of the entire elven army. - Yeah, yeah. - Right. - But we're still doing great. - Yes, you are. I'm not taking away from you.

You are doing great. I'm just saying, if you ever encountered this motherfucker in his hood, like it would be over like this. And let's do 15. That'll end the icy shit. And Ford, so he keeps, God, what was the other? He takes damage from going, doesn't he? - Weapon vulnerability. - Weapon vulnerability is still active. - Oh my gosh. - But the ice thing is not, so he can move again, which may be bad for you guys. I don't know yet. - Come on, get to turn forever. - Elven warrior number three. - Doesn't have a name because he's a shirm. - Dude, with the weapon vulnerability still up, this guy's not going to see his next turn.

- 21 is going to miss. - Nathaniel. - Oh my God, if he gets the final hit. - He's about to like cut, you know, torn off right here. - Oh, what the fuck? - Nathaniel is going to use something called reckless swing. - Oh good, he takes everyone. - I was right. - Don't kill me. - Reckless swing, God damn it. It's a crit! - Wow, he just fucking ended it. - Stupid. - Throw a little on nut, anything, but he just made you look like a bitch. He kind of. - He made me look like a bitch. - So that's going to be 25 right off the bat. So the Titan takes 25 damage and he's going to use something called whip around.

So the momentum of his swing, he's going to swing back around with the broadsword and take another swing at him. - The offense. - So did you get the 10 at the end of it or? - Oh God, you're right. That's another 10 too, because the weapon damage thing, Jesus, I didn't even, wow. So he just did 35 damage to this thing and whip around another crit. - It's always more. - Fun's in the family, you guys. - Wow. - Ball. - I'm not going to cuff that guy anymore. - We're just going to, we're going to have to put Thorol out for stud. - I really hope I don't end this thing without even touching him once.

- I'm going to fall down that hole. I'm going to go retire. - I'm going to breed a warrior race from Thorol seed. - Well, that's another 35 damage. This thing crumples down to its knee. The, just the sheer broad force of these strikes slamming into its leg, he crumples down to one knee. - So it puts a cable. - And Draconis, your turn. - Yes, game over son. All right, I'm going to do the fountain of flame. And this is a burst one within 10. - So yeah, it's going to be right on him, I get it. - Yeah, and it's enemies anyway, so it wouldn't hit anybody on our team.

- So right, that's cool. - And this is going to be towards his reflexes. - Reflex and it is a 25. - 25 will hit. - All righty. - Did Nathaniel's second hit get the bonus weapon damage? - It did, yes. - Yeah, he did another 35 damage. He did a total of 70 damage to hit. - And then one turn. - That's just insane. All right, and the damage is boom, 20. - 20 damage. - Bone crusher is the shit. - Dude, you got your mileage at a bone crusher. That is amazing. Okay, you good? You want to do anything else? - No, it just leaves the area of, that'll do five fire damage for any enemies that start on it, so.

- Okay. - And it's right where I'm standing, so I'm done. - Okay, cool. Ironhide, your turn. - God damn it, this is it. Hopefully I can do at least one damage to him. - Get him, get him. You're flanking with me, so that's good. - Yeah, I need all the help because I'm a boss. (laughing) - I need that kill. - I'm gonna use deep freeze on him, which since I'm flanking, I get a plus two on attack roll. A 30, 34 on his, no, his 42. - 34 will hit, yeah. - You fucking lingered way too long on that. - I'm sorry. (laughing) That wasn't for suspense, I just zoned out for just half a second, I'm so sorry.

- It has a four D eight plus six, 20 damage. - 20 damage, anything else? - I'm gonna pop my action point. - Okay, God damn it. - I could've done that, fuck. - I'm just gonna use green flame blade. - Okay, oh, you want this to be iconic, okay. - Yeah. - That and everything else pushes him and teleports him everywhere else, so that would actually go against what we're all about, like trying to kill him, so everybody has to do a move. - Okay. - Green flame blade. - 20 damage. - That's not damage, that's-- - Yeah, well it is. - So yeah. (laughing) - That's actually 22.

- I let you do your action point, but you did hit him, so he's going to kind of straighten up and swing his fist at you. - And I'm going to cower. (laughing) - What's going on? - Waiting for it to, there you go, 25 versus your AC. - And that hits. - Okay. 15. - And I will accept this once. - And that throws you back to the tree line. - I don't care. - That bloodies you? Nope, not quite, not quite bloodies you. Thoril, your turn. - All right, I will stand up. - Okay. - I will run at him. I will pop an action point so I can actually hit him. - Okay. - It's going to be another Thoril kill.

- Yep, sure is. - Yeah, it's right in front of the kid. - It's right before me. - Let's kill him on fucking shit. - Melee basic attack. - Shit! - 19 will miss, sir. - Fuck, fuck me. - Why, your kid is really showing you up. - Yeah, it kind of did. - You guys, the trophy's up for grabs. Who's it going to be? - God damn it. - Todd, get it, Todd. - Todd. - Hey, you're so famous, kid. - Take the shot, kid. Let's blow this thing and go home. - Oh, Jesus. - He's so famous. - Dude, Elvin, Elvin warrior number one first. He's going to use his longbow attack. - Fuck the right off.

- Elvin warrior with his mama. - I like this. - 30 will hit. - I'd like to jump up and swat his ass. - It catches you right in the hand, like right in the palm. It hurts real bad, but you still... - Like, no. - 17 damage. - Oh my God. - Oh, that's a weapon attack. So he gets 27 damage. - Who is this? Who is this man? - This is warrior number one. Yenward, your turn. - I swear to God, if you ever... - Do I, am I flanking? - You are not flanking with anyone. - No. - You fucked. - Okay. - I mean, if you want to scoot around to where Malchus is, like across from Malchus, and have him take a swing at you.

- That's a crit miss. - Yeah. - Can I pop an action point? - Try again. - Yes, you can. - Yes, going to do that again. - Tell me what attack you're using before you do that. - Okay, well this time I, I was using crack the shell that time and I missed. So this time I'm going to use brute strike. - Brute strike, ladies and gentlemen, here it is for all the marvels. 34 will hit. - God, how would I be to hit this? - Yes, it will. 60, 10 plus eight. - Oh my gosh. Plus another 10 for... I can live with that. I can live with that. - So it's 60, 10 plus 18? - Yes. - Yes, if you count the 10 more for vulnerability.

- Jesus. Yeah, 'cause you didn't hit hard enough. - It's about time I got a notable kill on because, you know. - I look at it like this is their home, so why not? - Oh shit. - You're four. - I kinda want Todd to get it though. - Todd's the MVP of this one. I don't know him or Nathaniel. I don't know, Todd put in a good game. Like he gets back a second. Nathaniel got a grand slam and all, but I mean, Todd was there the whole time. Storm render strikes this thing and just in the chest while he's kneeling down and just rends it. Lightning and sparks and all kinds of chaos as this thing falls backwards dead.

(grunting) As a reaction. - Oh shit. - Oh Lord. - It explodes. - No. - He's going to use self-destruct. - No, Todd. - Oh shit. - Not like this. - Not like this. - I don't care about you guys, not Todd or maybe Todd. - I know, right? - This is a D 20 plus 15. - Is it gonna hit them? Like it automatically hits them. It just depends on how much. - No, no, this is an attack. It's making an attack right down. We're starting with Malkus 30 versus your AC. - That'll hit me. - And then Todd 33, that'll hit him. And then the elven warrior number four. - OP. - 32. - OP. - Nathaniel 28, Jesus Christ.

Yenward 32. - Miss. - Wow, this is huge. - Thoril 31. - Oh my God. - And Jesus. - Are you going to die? - I'm not. - It's not like 15 plus that he's hitting. - And elven, he hasn't rolled anything under 13. And elven warrior 31. - God, if. - Block the explosion guys with your bodies. - Five D eight plus 10. - Come on. - So this is Malkus. - No, no, this is one roll for everybody. - Oh shit. - Oh, what kind of damage is it? - This is a fire. - Oh, I resist 11, I think. Resist nine. - Nine, I think. - I thought that was over. - No, that's him being a thief. - He's half devil.

- Yeah. - Yep. - Okay, five D eight plus 10. - Five plus half your level, so yeah, nine. - Here we go guys. - So what is this like one D 20 plus. - What? - What is it? - We already did the hit, now he's doing the damage. - Yeah, yeah this is damage. Five D eight plus 10, 39 damage to everyone. - To everyone? - Well, except Malkus, so yeah, 39. - I'm okay. - Todd's not. - You are definitely bloodied. - You know what, Malkus just turns around and just slow motion walks away from it. Like cool guys don't look at explosions. - Oh wow. - Yay. (laughing) - I'm sorry. - Jesus and Nathaniel.

- Dude you really deflated my moment. - Hold on a second. Warning negative 39, oh Jesus Christ. Let me tell you, you can't see him. Nathaniel is at, Nathaniel has a total of 40 hit points. - Oh. - He is down to negative 19. (laughing) - So he's bloodied. - He's clinging, he's one point shy of dying right then and there. - There's nothing else. - Yes, that's, I just want to throw that out there. Like he is one point more he would have been dead. - He would have been bedazzled. (laughing) - At 39, Jesus Christ, that, wow. - I can't believe this. - I think we have to bench Sorrel.

- Ladies and gentlemen, Todd is dead. - Todd. No. - Todd died in the explosion. - You're shitting me, all of this for nothing. (laughing) - Todd died, this is all for nothing now. (laughing) This is the best way to fucking look at this. - We sicked the world tree or whatever it is, I think we're doing all right. - Yeah we lost Todd. - That's some respect. - That's some respect. - That's the O.C.O.C. - No fucking typical of a devil. Not just people in the schemes of things. - Save the big tree or whatever the fuck they call it, whatever. - Skipping tree. - Whatever faggie stuff they're into.

- They're like devil rock, yeah. (laughing) - Oh, it burns up but where the red fern grows safe so. - Oh, I'm gonna listen to some Candlemass while I fucking strut away from this explosion. - And ladies and gentlemen, I think that's a good time to wrap things up tonight. Dedicate this episode to the celebrity of Todd. - I would, I would like to, I'd like to dedicate my first notable kill to Todd. Elfscout. - So that is your first notable kill, that's your. - I'm a Titan elite. - That's gotta go up on the site. - I love that, how like my turn came up, it's like, oh, it's another thorough kill.

I'm so happy when you missed, I'm so happy you just fucking blew it. (laughing) - I was like looking at it, it was like, it was like, oh shit, jerk's gonna miss, jerk's gonna miss, here's number five, here's number five. - You fumbled the ball and I scooped it up and I just saw a straight path to the end zone. - Now this is Todd with four keys, right? I mean, he earned it back in Spain, right? - I picture it spelled all elven, so it's like T-O apostrophe D. - D-D-D-D-D. - T-A-U-D-E. Todd. - So that, congratulations guys, I thought that was gonna kill at least one of you.

- I'm proud of us. - It almost did. - It almost killed Nathaniel. - And may I note, no heals required. - Not a one, not a one, you did get arrested before that and you did again have an entire elven legion behind you, but I'm not trying to take it away, you guys did it. - Action point supernova for the win. Yep, that's, nope, can't be killed, can't be killed. I'm taunting you, I want you to bring it, that that's what this is. - See now, here's the thing, I wanna have super glue and I also wanna be the bestest ever. - I have two weeks to think of something new to do to you.

- Wait, wait, wait, I would like to loot Titan Elite. - Titan Elite didn't carry a lot of cash on him. - Well, what did Nathaniel carry? Nathaniel's bleeding out, like he is dying. - I'm gonna brush myself off and loot his fucking corpse. - Well, we'll talk about what we're gonna do next time. - I would like to loot a trinket off of Todd to carry with me as a memento of Todd. - Yes, yes, a finger. - A finger. - A finger. - I would like a finger to drape around my neck. - He is carrying a kind of a half, like a crescent moon necklace type of thing. - I will be wearing that crescent moon.

- We roll for it. - I got the kill, fuck you. - Are you casting lots for Todd's jewelry? - We fought to keep this place safe. - It's not grave robbing until he's in the ground, so it's okay if he's-- - So it's a flat D20, I got 15. - No, no, no, no, no, you're in the trees. - The n-word's standing over the corpse of a fallen fucking enemy, you got punched into the tree line, so you get to-- - I said I pick myself up, brush myself off, and start looting. (laughing) - This moon will be hanging off of storm renders or wherever it belongs. - That's creepy, roll for it.

(laughing) - Todd was my friend, you fuck off. - I'm gonna give this one to n-word. - I gave him a name, didn't I? - Name this. - I did. I gave him the name Todd. - No, you named him Obi or whatever. - No, I named the other ones though. I named Todd. - Let's not fight over Todd. Todd was a friend to everyone. - Why am I-- - He's a different person. - No, Todd's a fucking legend. I'll never be forgotten. - Todd is, he's the prey of hate. Dude, I'm standing on that fucking-- - He's walking away. - I didn't move him, so. - So I'm impressed actually that you, that was some good decision making on the fly.

Proud of you guys. - He almost died. - Well. - Go on, Jason. - I was gonna have you fight him in the open field and you guys decided to fall back and if you hadn't, that fight probably would have went a lot differently. - Because-- - He didn't have arrows flying from the sky, blocking out the sun every turn. - Dude, he's being hit from all sides all the time forever. Like everyone. Even with the, even with him retaliating every time, it still wasn't enough. Like you guys just kept swarming on him like rats. - I know I said, like I hope Todd gets the last, as long as like somebody kills him, I'm fine.

As long as everybody got a good hit on him, you know. - Yeah, yeah. - That's all I care about. - Everyone except Thoril. - I got two good hits on him. - He's-- - Before he knocked me back. - Nathaniel did more damage than you, I'm just saying. - Half the brag on Twitter. - All right, so DNR listeners, next episode, look forward to the episode where we patch this thing up and write it into Overwatch like a giant Pacific Rim Jaeger. - Oh, God. - I didn't see the-- - Never seen any of their-- - It's like they're Gundams. Now we have a Gundam. - No, I understand.

- Oh, he has a Gundam. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, and whereas he's controlling these. (grunting) - I'm not saying that isn't an option. (grunting) - It'd be the best option. - Put that out there. - The best option ever. - I'm not gonna say that's not an option. - Put the captain's seat in there. - Tweeted. (laughing) - Good job, guys. - Yeah, good job, I'm proud of you guys. - Way to go, team, yeah. - As usual, Tyler's gotta go to work, so I guess we'll wrap things up now. - Thank you, Tyler, for taking up so much of your time. - I'm being nice, I'm just-- - Okay, okay.

- Never sounds like that. It always sounds like sarcasm. - What? - I know, I know what you meant, but-- - Other normals don't know. I love you, Tyler. - As my seed produces greatness. - Made, allegedly. - Allegedly. - You're an air-spoiled parent, you're a kid almost died. - Great tweets, great tweets. - Yeah, by the way, you know what, while we're all sitting here, everyone plug your Twitter accounts, because that stuff, I don't-- - I did that for everyone on the DNR page. - I know, but not everyone, like there's a thousand people on the DNR page, we have like 50,000 hits a month on the thing, so anyone just-- - You mean verbally, okay.

- Yeah, verbally. Good job, everyone, I love it. - Going to, but-- - I thought if I can-- - If you wanna be Thorol Songsteal at @thorolsongsteal. - Follow me at @imaminizar. - I am Aminizar. - No apostrophes, right? - No. - No apostrophes. I am just Malchus Grimness, all one word. - I guess @soltar1983, if you can spell that, then you deserve to be following me. - And I guess I'm an idiot, 'cause I don't have one, so. - I don't even use mine, I gotta be honest. - Coming soon. - It's, yeah, it's for little in-game character tweets, or if you're bored during the week, you can throw stuff up there, it's kinda funny.

I watched Tyler and Alana go back and forth. - Or if Alana wants to insult me for no reason. - It's not no reason, she has some reason. I don't know what the reason is, but she has a reason. But that was fun, dude, I was at work reading you guys going back and forth with each other, I was laughing my ass off, that was the funniest shit. It's Alana-- - Overhead on Twitter. - It's Alana and Tyler going back and forth in character as Baranath and Thorol, just insulting each other. It's so great. Oh, @dandrpodcast, D-A-N-D-R podcast. Baranath has way more followers than me.

- How many does she have? - I'm still not out there. Like 40 or 50 more, something like that. She's more interesting. - But how many do you have? - Like 130 something, I don't know. - Very cool. - It's not a bunch. - I don't have many. - I don't either, I'm not on Twitter as much as I should be. I like to try and drop hints on what's coming. I will say that keep your eyes peeled on the DNR website for new articles. I know Rob's gonna be posting one soonish. - I'm so late, maybe later tonight. - It's cool, there's no pressure. It's all good, man. I post one every Wednesday called Living in Theria where I talk about a random person, place, or thing.

I always take suggestions. So if there's something you wanna hear more about, I flesh it out. On top of that, on the fan page on Facebook, there's gonna be some stuff being posted there pretty soon. You're gonna wanna keep your eyes peeled, maybe a bit of animation, maybe. And artwork, artwork is rolling in, guys. We got the final for Yenward. - Yeah, I saw it. - Tom, what'd you think? - It's neat, I like it. - Fucking Yenward's ripped, man. - He's so fucking swole, his palms are swole. (laughing) - It's so sad he's trying to read that book. - So funny. - Hey, DM, can cast members make suggestions for Living in Theria?

- Sure. - Okay, I think Todd earned one. - Yep. (laughing) I was gonna say. - I like the whole pack, the Todd, Maven. - Todd, Opie, Maven, and Leif. - Leif? Jesse! (laughing) (laughing) - Did somebody finally track down Jesse? What's? (laughing) - Jesse, I found you. - Not Jesse. - We could do that, we could totally do that. I think Todd deserves to be remembered. - I feel like that doesn't have like, forward-facing usefulness now that Todd's dead. - Well, sometimes it helps to remember. - In memoriam. - Yeah, sometimes, you know, it just helps to, I mean, I've-- - Maybe it's a fucking cold.

- I've read about dead characters before. - Oh, man. - I wrote about the Siege of Winterhaven, and that was kind of all about dead characters, except for a few. Yeah, so I think that wraps us up, and make sure and review us on iTunes, that's super, super helpful. We still haven't gotten to 100. We're giving away free games when we get to 100 on the fan page. - Free video games, you guys, and you can play with the cast. - Plus it helps, yeah, that is true. We got the Steam, we got the Steam group too, so. Once you have copies, you can play with us, you're on.

- Totally hang out with you guys. - Rob loves it when random people hit him up. And he loves it. If he says he doesn't, that's 'cause he's being bashful. Don't let him be bashful. - He's being shy all the night, whenever you feel like it. - All the time, and when it says he's not on, that's 'cause he's just, he's hiding, he's shy. - We talking about the Steam thing? - Yes. - Anybody who wants to play Saints Row IV or Payday 2, I'm usually around in afternoons. - Yeah, we'll post some more about that on the fan page. - Does everybody know your Steam account?

- They will. - They will, yeah, we'll let 'em know. - Yeah. - He won't be able to hide. (laughing) - That's not good. - I mean, it's a huge mistake. - Let's get ready and wrap this up, guys, so everyone can bail and Tyler can go to work, so. Thank you very much, guys. - Thank you. - Let's go.