Slightly Askew

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

(COUGHING) Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... (CLEARS THROAT) With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday, only on Peacock. (MUSIC FADES) Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. -You're the Marine? -Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only gotta cast aspersions at me.

From the director of Mr and Mrs Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. -Is this your first job? -I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! -What are you doing? -Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Did you know that yearly Medicaid renewals will start again soon? This means millions of people who were enrolled in Medicaid during the pandemic may no longer be eligible for coverage.

If this may impact you, the good news is you have options. Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield can help answer your questions so you can find an affordable health plan for you and your family. We want you to feel confident you're covered. Click to learn more. Policy exclusions and limitations apply. Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield is the trade name of Anthem Health Plans Inc. [music ends] Howdy, folks. We are currently getting ready for our next mailbag episode, which will probably be in two, three, four weeks, something like that. But you can start sending us questions.

Anything off the top of your head is more than welcome. You can send it to dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's d-a-n-d-r podcast@gmail.com. And you can also swing by iTunes and give us a review. That's always greatly appreciated. And you can go to the website and check out all the fantastic articles that have been written. I know I write one each week called Living in Theria, which is a tackling a person, place, or thing in Theria, talking about why it is, what it does, what I was thinking when I came up with it. Brian and Justin have been doing character journals.

So in-character snippets from just kind of behind-the-scenes stuff that they were thinking during the game, something like that. It's really cool. Rob occasionally writes articles for the site, too. So check it out, dandrpodcast.com. And keep your eye on the website because coming in November, it looks like we're going to be adding... We're finally going to be adding a store. We've been working the last few months on some really cool stuff for you guys. So keep your eyes peeled, and we hope you'd enjoy today's episode. [music ends] Let's go around the table and do that thing we always do and sound off.

I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master, going around the table with Dan. I am Dan Phelps. I play Rodswell Joybottom, a human war priest. Hello, everybody. I missed you. It's pronounced Joybatom. Joybatom. Thank you. Finally somebody. Joybottom. I was just giving in. Um... Justin. My name is Justin Matheson. I play Jarek Ironhide. I forgot the name for a few minutes because it's been almost exactly ten years since we played last. - Tom. - Hey, I'm Tom. I play Yanward Firestorm, and I'm a Minasaur fighter. And Emmanuel Sanders totally just got that touchdown. Oh, I'm sorry.

I also play a sword magic. The character is a sword magic. Don't step on Manny's touchdown. Tyler. I don't know who that is. My name is Tyler. I play the world's strongest... - Secretar Sti? - The Human Ranger. Rob. Hey, I'm Robert Weaselhan. I am playing Malthus Grimnast, Pokémon Master. - Gay. - Yeah. I knew that was gonna infect our show somehow, your goddamn Pokémans. Jason's gonna have to edit that. I'm sorry. - No, I won't. - If he gets to be a Pokémaster, I'm gonna be a DigiDestined. - Hey. - I wanna be a Pokéman. You're giving me crap, but that joke plays real well on Nickelodeon.

- Nickelodeon's wrong. - Dead air. Okay. - Now, I... - I... [laughter] - Yeah, dead air. Perfect. - Hi, guys. - Jake. - Hi, everybody. Hi. Yes, I am Jake White, the guy that... Yeah, I'm him. [laughter] - What the hell is that? - Yes, I am that Jake White. Oh, yeah. I guess I can also say that I am Draconis, and I am a... What am I? A Dragonborn Fire Mage. - Boom. - Nailed it. - Got 'em. - New hairs. The chat says "Cokefiend." [laughter] - That has not been confirmed. - The Cokefiend? [laughter] The one, the only. Draconis is an '80s yuppie dragon. - All right. - Dead air.

Let's move on. [laughter] Tonight is the night of many jokes that don't land. Let's recap last time, because, Dan, you listened to the show, right? - I absolutely listened to the show. - Let's recap my first notable kill. [laughter] I feel as if I shouldn't have listened to the show so I could play it in character better, but I did listen to the show. Well, no, you should know what's going on. It's fine. We didn't expect you to be back this soon anyway. I didn't expect me to be back this soon either, so... - I'm amazed. - Wow. It's a miracle. [laughter] You guys took some shit on the page.

Did you guys see that? I took that shit and I harvest crops with it. I didn't see it. What happened? Just a little bit of shit. Like, it was... I forget who you said I was. I was asking... It's the weekly thing on the Facebook page if you go to facebook.com/dungeonsandrandomness. So I asked, "Oh, we're gonna record him. What do you guys think is gonna happen?" And there was one dude, I forget his name, and he was something like, "Oh, you guys face off against a bunch of warforged in the middle of the road, but you hear a noise and you run from the forest." And it's like, "How about pick a party leader?" Or some shit like that.

It's like, "Well, I pretty much described the... Whatever this thing is, it's destroying everything. I think you guys played it smart by backing up and..." Fuck yeah, we did. It's the internet, people, or pricks. Well, "prick" is a strong word. No, go on to our new subreddit, people or pricks. None of our listeners are pricks. They're all entitled to their own opinions. I'm not saying our listeners are pricks. I'm just saying the internet is full of them. But you're saying specifically that our listeners are. - Because they're comfortable with our credits.

- I absolutely did not. I just said it's the internet. Guys, guys, guys. - Fight it! - You're both pricks. Let's just move on. - Is that a part of me? - No. He says he's a prick. - Okay, we'll do it. - I have a prick. Has he talked to the mouthful of something? Pretzels, or sourdough pretzels are really good. Okay, gotcha. All right, so last time you guys faced off against the Titan Elite, which was this 17-foot-tall monstrosity. Yeah. And with the help of Brianna and Nathaniel and a bunch of elves, you guys took this thing down. (clears throat) Also, Dan just fell silent.

The orb shocked the shit out of him and he went out. He's under the care of the elves right now. He is 9,000 gold lighter. - I don't know that. - What? You don't know that. I do have a question about that. Voluntary amputee, I might add. Yes, but you got to keep your hand. Yes, I do have a question about that. I can't, like... So I won't notice that I don't have my coin pouch on me. Well, I mean, it's like anything else. Would you notice you have your wallet on you? But this is... Okay, so I want to be clear, because when you're talking about a sum like 9,000 gold, I mean, some of that's obviously in platinum.

Well, it's a credit card. We always just use the term gold, because no one's going to lug around 9,000 gold pieces with them. That's like getting your paycheck in ones. Like, no one's going to do that. I haven't done that. I just make it rain all over the place. Well, it's because you were stripping. That's why. Yeah. But... Sorry, you guys just took me back to a night I was working at Burger King and got paid for, like, 12 bucks of food entirely in moist ones. - Ooh. - Why were they moist? - I don't know. - Do we want to know? There was a woman who looked like she might be of that persuasion piloting the vehicle, so I just smiled and nodded.

What did the money smell like? - Gold. - Baby oil. - Baby oil. - All right. All right, then, now mystery solved. Children's is first. So, man, we are off the rails so hard tonight. Spilled children, okay, go ahead. Damn it. - So, you guys... - Daddy-ish. Shut up! (laughter) One tag too many, Dan. - Sorry. - Hog-like tag, guys. Jason is over it. (laughter) The first three interruptions I'll tolerate. So, you guys are standing in this clearing pretty much right in front of Kalkas, that great tree. This hulking mech, for lack of a better term, is face down in front of you, and it's just tremendous crater where it fell.

On top of that, as you remember, it exploded afterwards. So, there was this tremendous fireball that went out from it. Now, pretty much all of you, I believe, took damage. If I remember correctly, anyone who was within the vicinity of this thing took damage. Ironhide didn't because he was punched away just before the blast. I didn't take any damage at all. You did not. You were far, far away, as a good wizard should be. The only person who is really in bad shape would be Nathaniel, because he took the brunt of this, and he is clinging to life. He's at negative, I think it was...

- What is he at? Negative... - 19. Yeah, he's at negative 19 hit points. He's one point shy of just being killed outright. So, how would you guys like to handle this right off the bat? Is there anything you'd like to do before we start jumping into the story? If there's any celebratory stuff you want to do, anything... Maybe pick Nathaniel up. Totally up to you. If I give Nathaniel that water that I have, would that make him not negative anymore? He would be up to ten hit points. Ooh! OK, yeah, I don't want to do that. I'm going to run over and say, "My baby!" Again, you guys could just do a heal check and help him out that way, too.

- I won't... - You don't have to... Whatever, then. Somebody do a heal check, please. Yeah, I might as well do that. Yeah, let's do that. - Yeah, 'cause you're not in combat anymore. - Wait, wait, we don't actually have a good heal. I'm pretty adept at healing magic. Um, uh, Genward, uh... Let me see, the only thing... You do have five healing potions. I want to remind you of that. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, OK. Oh, oh. - Now, wait a second. I want to take a chance. I have a plus four on healing, so that's better than a negative five. Um, so I won't look at life for that long.

You don't have to beg me to save my potions. Go for it. Pachow! Eleven! - Give it a chance. - That works, and he's completely healed forever. You guys are out of combat anyway. Like, I'm not trying to get you to, like... - Whatever, he's all right, then. - Well, um... - We're gonna assume... - That's his problem. That's what I wanted to see. Is Thoril doing anything particular to... I'll go up next to him and kind of help him out. Like, if he gives him the water, I'll help pick him up. - Yeah. - All right. OK, so... You're using the water. I just want to make that clear.

I'm doing that because that kid is pretty good with a double-handed blade. - He's good, yeah. - These elves lose their shit. Like, everyone in the trees, everyone... It's this huge, like, grr... Just, like... That was a huge thing you guys just did. First of all, no one has ever seen anything like what you guys just fought. And then on top of it, you beat it the first try. And in front... Like, you have pushed... You have been pushed back as far as you can get pushed back, these elves have, without retreating any further. Can't retreat any further. - So this is a huge deal.

- Yeah. Did the tree take any damage? - No, he never got near it. That was the thing. - Yeah, right. Now, here's the penalty for you guys pulling back as far as you did. There is a path stripped through this forest. - Straight to the tree. - Yeah, it's clear... Like, this is a huge swath, like, just carved out of the middle of this forest. Just total devastation, lots of... There's a fire next to you guys, like, several trees are on fire. It's terrible. So, while you did save the great tree, a good portion of their forest has been decimated. It's really shitty for them.

So, it's kind of a solemn victory, but they're just going with it right now. - Even though Todd died... - Oh, fucking hell. Why bother going home? It may be a good shot. Do you guys want to wrap up, then? - Yes, absolutely. - As it turns out, the more fords win. - Right, we hope. - It's up to group two now. - And those ends the group two story. - Yeah. Thank you for coming out. - Hold on. - Group two's still fine. Final kick. Game hangs with bliss, you guys. Fingers crossed. Come on! - And... - It's good! - A stealer's wed, yeah! - And he's kicked from the car. - Jesus Christ.

- Yay, stealers! Yay! Yay! So happy. I want everyone in the chat to say... I want everyone in the chat to either congratulate my stealers... You know what? I wish it was you, not Todd. - I wish it was you. - Wow. Why did you get the last hit? Why couldn't you have done that two or three turns ago? You killed my baby! Why couldn't you have dumped her in Pittsburgh? Oh, yeah! - What can I have? - I just love Jason's wee. Let's focus, gentlemen, please. OK, all right, so all this is happening. People are going crazy. And then, like, you know, Thorol's could-be kid gets up.

Does he... Do you guys share, like, a hug or something? What's going on? Eh, I'm not much of a hugging type. Do you stab him? What happens? I just pick him up and handshake, I might say. So just kind of offering him a hand and he stands up? Yeah. I don't see Nathaniel being much of a hugger either. I don't know. I want to say, "Well done, kid." Shake his hand. Nathaniel's going to charge Thorol and just scoop him up by the waist and just bear-hug the shit out of him. Not much of a hugger. He's going to bear-hug the shit out of him. (LAUGHTER) And he's shaking you like a rag doll, like, just total mongo strength.

He's just... "We did it! We did it!" Like, he's losing his mind. (LAUGHTER) This goes on for several seconds. (LAUGHTER) After a few seconds of that, he puts you down and he's kind of dusting you off. Like, he's soiled you some... Like, he's covered in dirt from being knocked into the ground. He's kind of covered... Yeah, just... I'm sorry. And he's holding his shoulder like he's been hurt. Thorol, roll for initiative. As he's holding me, I just channel my inner Chris Rock down, Shrek. I remember being a young adventurer. (LAUGHTER) That enthusiasm. He'll go through that, don't worry.

Are we going to explain what Yenward is doing with the machine? Like, is he trying to pilot that from what happened with the last episode over a year ago? I think he's just standing atop the building. I'm king of the mountain. (LAUGHTER) So... OK, there was talk last session of doing something with this giant monstrosity. Yeah. Like making it to Jager and riding it to victory. Motherfucker, if anybody's going to do that, shouldn't I? Look, as long as somebody does, I'm fine. Doesn't have to be me. This is your new body, aren't I? I am kind of OK with that. (LAUGHTER) I think the question...

What would the check be on that? Is it an Arcana check, I guess? Well, it's... See, there's a tremendous amount of damage done to this thing. So if you just beat it up and it fell, that's one thing, but then there was an explosion afterwards, so it's going to need repair to begin with. And then just to bring it back, you have to see if it can be done. So that's probably not going to be within your wheelhouse. Like, you guys have work to do. I mean, if you... OK. If you would rather work on that as a project as opposed to gathering more people for your army, totally fine.

If you want to invest time into that, that's cool. I do want to say something. I'm sorry, I think we're going to need the dwarves for that. Right? To do what now? For the dwarves for what? To fix this shit. To fix this... I'm sorry for cursing. I know this is a Christian show. To fix the Iron Giant here. Dwarves are known as engineers. They've been known to tinker with stuff like that. Gnomes too. Gnomes have been known to work on that kind of stuff. OK, we haven't discussed the dwarves really on this show as a whole. Do you want me to do a history check on it?

Because I'll do it. Sure, go ahead. I'll then do it. We have a dwarf. Had a dwarf. Had a dwarf. He was human raised. The father of a dwarf. Yeah, again, human raised. I remember this. OK, 24. Almost a crit. So it begins. So a majority... Most of the dwarves in Theria live in the Stone Sunder mountains, which used to belong to the minotaurs. And this was hundreds of years ago. They got driven out of their home because dwarves kind of liked their digs and wanted it. So they had years long war with the minotaurs and drove them out of their home so they can chase them out of the lobby rings and everything and just start chiseling out everything and mining.

So the minotaurs then flocked to the northwest portion of Theria, which is pretty much where Winterhaven is now. You guys remember there was a beef between... That's why the minotaurs were so shitty to the humans. Because we've already been driven out of one home. You're not driving inside of this one. So fuck you. So that's... Fuck yous. Minotaurs are kind of the Native Americans of Theria. Oh, like in World of Warcraft. Kind of. So drunk? They don't live in teepees. They don't live in teepees in the sky, though. I was... Sorry. Minotaurs love their firewall. This fictional thing.

This is also fictional. That's meta, right? I don't know what meta is. We're fine. So the dwarves are an option. You have several options. The dwarves are an option to go seek out. They are pretty much eternally locked in combat with the orcs. That live in the valley below that. That's scary. Do you want me to roll for initiative against orcs? We'll count that as lore that comes with the dwarves. Alright. And from what Ironhide can remember of orcs and dwarves, they're constantly fighting for... They're just always stretching out for more land, more land. Constantly fighting each other and killing each other.

Well, that's kind of what the orcs... See, orcs and dwarves are kind of the two sides of the same coin. That's what I was saying. Both sides. Right. The dwarves pretty much just want those mountains. Whereas the orcs keep expanding into... They just keep spilling over into the next territory. And the problem is they've kind of both expanded to the point where they're just touching borders now. So they... Both of them love a good fight. So what happens when you take a culture that pretty much is based completely on violence and proves itself through combat and dwarves who, the more you hit them in the face, the more they want to hit you back and get hit in the face.

They just love fighting. So that's kind of where they're at right now. So that's pretty much the central northern point of Theria. If you're walking from one end of Theria to the other, you're probably going to encounter some kind of orcs. Gotcha. I mean, what other options are we facing here? There's the minotaurs up north, above Winterhaven. In Thunderspire, you can try to reason something out with them. There's the drow, but that's really iffy? Yeah, I don't want to go underground. Drow are also really scary. They're kind of the sleazebag elves. Of the three different kinds of elves in Theria, they're kind of the shifty sleazebags.

They got a really bad rep. That's a lot of elves. I don't like this. Let's just get rid of them, guys, right? What? Let's just wipe out all the elves. You almost said Jews. No, I said drow. I almost said drow, but that doesn't actually, because I don't want drow. I don't want any kind of elves. Let's go underground and find the Jews. Just sayin'. So there's basically an entire... There's a plane of existence underneath Theria where they've chiseled out. There's a lot of caves that are interconnected, and there are several cities underneath Theria. That's pretty cool.

It's pretty cool, but to get to them... You might kill a lot of Jews. You have to kill a lot of Jews. It's really not... You have to kill your way to those cities, and then when you get to those cities, you basically have to explain why you're trespassing, because we're talking about the minotaurs being chased out of... The drow have a really bad rap, and they live underground for a reason. They don't want to be bothered. The gnomes are the ones who can help us fix this guy right here, right? Gnomes, there are some great gnomish engineers. Now, where are they at again?

Like, what? They're scattered about Theria. Gnomes really don't have a homeland. They go where the money is. Gnomes are dicks. Can we go talk to the gnomes just so Jason can do his, like, fake Boston accent? (laughter) Someone's been listening to group two. Are they, like, really smart janitors in this world? Like, are they... They're wicked smart janitors. All of a sudden, I like this game. I hated this game before, but now I like it. (laughter) It's my favorite accent. It makes them sound retarded, doesn't it? Like, they try, but they're retarded. No offense to anyone from Boston.

This episode's abnormally racist. -Like, they're all wicked. -It is. The problem... Now, see, the problem is that we don't have accents. We just have America. That's the accent we have, American. -That's it. -Apologies to anyone from Boston. -Go Red Sox. -No, I'm saying, like, that's exotic to me. -Go Sox. -Go Red Sox. -So next. -Ew, boo. So you guys got... You guys decision... Now, the other thing you got to consider is you guys have Nathaniel in your party. -Yeah. -Yeah. And we also have... And it's already been discussed by Liar that his parents have no idea that he's missing.

Or, well, no idea that he left to join you guys. Um, can we... So, are the elves... Are they, like, kind of out of it now? Like, can they... Can we not count on them anymore? Yeah. Well, I mean, like, right now, we're not gonna take an army with us. We're gonna have a rest here and... Well, this will be a kind of thing... They're not gonna abandon the forest, especially just after, like... You guys have cleared it out and then defended it against a retaliation. So they're not gonna be leaving, but they... -Yeah. -Like, they're indebted to you. I mean, already they were indebted to you for helping them.

This just solidified that. So, Brittano is absolutely gonna... You know, you can count on archers and all kinds of good elven stuff, but you're not just gonna take an entire band of elves with you. Can we see, like, what Bree has in mind? Does she have a plan? -Like, what... -This... Okay, so... Okay, let's do this. -Let's do this. -Can we just rest for the night? I mean, that would help, too. So that we get our conversations and shit like that. So, you're hovering right around dawn because your sleep was interrupted from that horrible beast. So... So it's right around...

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Just try and get all your stuff back. -Yeah. -I actually wanted to talk to Brianna for a second. -Sure, we can do that. -Oh, God. -Huh? -No, stop. -These always go so wrong. -This has never worked out -between Brianna and Iams. -These always go so good. -Sacredly, though, while we're talking, -Traditionally. I do wanna roll initiative against her through Skype. [LAUGHTER] So she doesn't know it, but it hurts coming. I wanna talk to you. -Who's stoned it. -Stoned! They're talking about the trade, you guys. -So you guys set up camp. -Yeah. And, again... [LAUGHS] The elves come and cart Todd away.

And they kind of look at Yenward because the necklace that was around his neck -is now hanging from Stormrender. -Mine. [LAUGHS] This is the second time they've watched you take something -from a body that's limping. -This is mine. [LAUGHS] They're starting to wonder... They're just giving you these... You can tell that these were buddies of Todd. So it's Leif and Maven and... -Oby. -Oby. -Oby. -Oh, God. So these three swoop in and grab their buddy and drag him off and they're just stink-eyeing Yenward the entire way. -Like this motherfucker. -They clutch my axe against my chest -like they're not getting it back.

-[LAUGHS] And move it away so you're looking at them but your body's facing away. -Yeah. -Jason brings up a good point. Like, fucking... Yenward's known him for all of ten minutes and took something personal to him. These dudes probably grew up with him and... Old grave Robin, yeah. -He's best friends with him. -My friend Robin, he's not in the grave. They did shit with him. So one of them kind of like... Opie whispers something to Maven, but it's out of earshot and then he motions his head to Yenward and then they both look at each other and nod -and then they walk away with Todd.

-Good. -OK, ready for another one? -My favorite part of this game... My favorite part is the part where people give me crap for wanting to do all NPC interactions privately as Malkus. [LAUGHS] Just the antisocial behavior that constantly goes on here and then people are like, "Well, you need to bring us to talk to them." [LAUGHS] Well... That's normally why Malkus gets to talk, is to patch up all this leaky boat nonsense that's been the stupid shit that we do. I'm just saying, this is going on the list, OK? Yenward's got his pogo stick with a spike in it and he's just hopping around on the boat, just putting holes in it. [LAUGHS] And Malkus came on with a bag full of corks.

That's what happened. So you guys have set up camp and everyone's just trying to recoup and get their shit together. Nathaniel's shoulders kind of banged up and he's just kind of lying back in his bedroll. And after the bear hug incident, he's kind of silent. He's thinking about stuff. He's had a chance to really think about how close he came to dying right there. And Brianna's sitting off to the side a little bit by herself. So the rest of you guys are hanging out. Justin, you said Ironhide wanted to talk to her? Yeah, he's going to find her wherever she is and make it obvious that he's looking for her rather than just strolling around.

Right. So she makes eye contact with you as you approach. Yeah, there's an empty spot next to her, like on a bedroll. All right. I'm going to open up by saying I think it was very kind of you to come to me and admit when you were wrong and I think it's good that I do the same. She just... I'm starting off by saying something nice and people are giving me. Right. Well, they're not used to that. As I say. Sucker punch. I was wrong about keeping you alive. She's kind of looking like she's waiting for the other shoe to drop. OK. Ever since I came back, I have been burning bridges.

Came like back from Drax tomb. Apparently, I think I'm the only one in the group that knows that this is going to be a nasty fight and not everybody's going to get out alive. And I get that from talking to Malkus, arguing and fist fighting with him. And I think in his head, he totally believes that we're going to go to the four corners of this continent and get a giant army and save the day. I truly don't think that's going to happen. And we will be lucky if we have a group of three other races with us. She's kind of... The entire time you're talking, she's looking over at that huge... that titan.

Every time we get into a fight, it feels like we're more and more in over our head. That's just what they sent into the forest. Can you even imagine what they have in the city? I have no idea what they could possibly have, but I know that we fought scouts. The first time we actually encountered them on the road coming back, it almost killed our healer. And we don't even have him right now. He's out cold. We're dropping like flies and we aren't even fighting people. Like, we do good as a group, but I don't think we're going to be able to arouse an army, come back and save Winterhaven.

I think they're going to be long under siege by that time. If our reports are right, we still have weeks, hopefully. It's in your hands now. Just get as many people as you can and hopefully we can fend off any attack. I'd like to do more than that, though. I would like to siege their city. I would like nothing more than to bring it to the ground. How far do you think your scouts can get to that city? Overwatch and not get caught, so we can do some kind of spying on them to see what they have. That's what we've been doing so far. That's kind of what we deal in.

That's stealth, scouting. We're not really fighters. We have the most up-to-date information that I can get you right now. I know what Malchus is going to say to this, but I think in order for us to get superior numbers, like whatever we can get from minotaurs, orcs, dwarves, anything like that, we're going to need to sacrifice Winterhaven. How do you mean? They're going to drop the hammer on that place in a few weeks. If not, then the maximum would be a month. If we're going to rush an army and charge in, or at least look to defend that with a sneak attack while they're charging, then we might be looking at suicide.

We have no idea what they have. But if we come at them with the maximum of what we can bring, and utilising that portal, then we may actually be able to destroy them with minimal body count. So you're saying we just let them take the city? They balled themselves up. They wanted to protect themselves. They didn't care about anybody else that was outside. Do you have any idea what it was like when they were attacked the first time? To watch the walls burn, people killed in the streets? You're asking me to willingly let that happen a second time? We have to do what we can.

This was brought on by Carter. This wasn't something that just, negligence just brought him to power. He wanted this, so he made this. We have to do what we can to make sure that this one strike, this one chance that we have, isn't wasted. And I'm not saying to just sacrifice people willy-nilly. I'm saying sacrifice people for the cause, for us to make sure that we kill them with one strike. If we don't, if we rush this, then we can lose this. So she stands up aggressively and dusts herself off? You're insane. Every time I start thinking you have a modicum of decency, a soul, you show me you're just another Warforged.

Human life means nothing to you, does it? At this point I want to stand up and smack the shit out of her. I'm going to stand up. Today we killed a small number of my people. They are enslaved. They have no choice in this. I had to put my sword through countless number of Warforges so far. How do you think that makes me feel? A human. King Carter. He's doing this. I'm not. I'm fighting it. I'm fighting my people every day. She just kind of shakes her head like there's no reasoning with you and starts to walk away. Unless you want to stop her, she's just going to storm off.

No, not really. That went smoother than I figured it would. It was nice. An elf is going to approach Malkus. And this is... Nothing special about that. You don't recognize her or anything like that. She approaches Malkus. Do you have a second? It looks like your friend is waking up. Of course. Take me to him. And she's going to go ahead and take Malkus to Rodswell's bedside. Rodswell is coated in sweat. It looks like he's just been doing Jazzercise for six hours straight. Just coated in sweat. Just coated in sweat. And he's had a really rough night. But he's kind of propped up and his eyes are open, so he is conscious.

And the elf just kind of shows Malkus into the room. Says, "I'll leave you two alone." And she kind of closes the door behind her. So Rodswell is conscious and Malkus is there. How are you feeling? Rodswell is shooting daggers at Malkus right now. And he's clutching the amulet around his neck. And he just responds with the word, "Fine." Go ahead. Say what you have to then if you're going to be bitter about it. I have nothing to say to you. How long have I been out? I tell him how long he's been out. I don't quite remember myself. What's happened in that time?

We saved an entire elven city. I nod. Is everyone okay? All of ours are fine. No substantial losses? I mean, some number of elves were lost in the conflict, but it is to be expected. We did our best to keep the losses to the minimum. They certainly pulled their weight in the fight. Are you still close? Close to... Are you outside? Are you guys... It's not a truck to get where you are. Oh, like where's the party? Yeah, the camp, yes. Oh, I assume... Jason, did we go back to the elven city? Is that where they're showing you Rodswell? Yeah, you guys are very close. You guys have camped right out front of Kalka, so it's right there.

That whole settlement's right there. We're very near the Great Tree, all of us. And have they taken the dead near? How long has it been since the thing, Jason? This would have only been a couple of hours. I imagine the incident only just ended. And Rodswell at this point gets up, walks outside, and tries to find an elf to point him in the direction of the dead. The same woman that showed Malkus to you kind of points to this clearing kind of southwest of the camp. Like, it's pulled aside where they're kind of digging holes, and the bodies are kind of covered up and stuff.

As Rodswell's walking away, Malkus says to him, "I want you to know I don't like what I became there either. I do regret it." And Rodswell turns to Malkus, and he says, "I can live with that knowledge. I will help this party in any way that I need, and I will honor my son's memory. Let's move forward." And he goes down to where the dead are, and he starts blessing the graves. So among, like, Todd's there, and the body of Todd, and, like, a handful of other elves that have fallen throughout the night between the first attack and then just them running from this huge thing.

And some of them are just stains. Like, there's, like, Todd just kind of fell in combat, and half of his body is roasted, basically. It's just charred. And then some of them were stepped on, some of them... So it's not pretty. You imagine if you were to trek back through the path that this thing cut through, you'll find a hand or a foot or something. Like, it's pretty messy out there. The next step, I gotta ask you guys, what's your battle plan? What's the next step for you? I think it would be pretty neat to go do the whole dwarves and orc thing. Are we, like, getting together and talking about this?

Is that what's going on? Yeah, we're huddling up. Yeah, let's say you guys kind of met up, and Rodswell and Malchus rejoin you guys and... I nod around the group, acknowledge. Just kind of like the head nod thing? -Yeah. -Okay. How you guys doing? I'm still not quite sure what happened to me, or even what's really gone on out here, but I just kind of accept that we're okay. You were when you're 10 for a while, and there was a lot of thrashing and grunting, so I don't think you want to know. Attended your wounds, don't worry. Licked them clean. All right, so what are we gonna do, guys?

What's the plan? Well, I like this big Warforged guy, so we could utilize that. I think that'd be pretty cool. We're gonna need somebody that knows how to repair this. We have a lot of gashes and burns in it. First of all, you don't even know if it can be done. Like, if it were pristine, you have no idea how this thing operates. Of course. But it's here, so we can find out. Right. So, but we're all in agreement. We need to increase our numbers, so we need to branch out, right? Who would give us the best shot at fixing this? 'Cause we can kill two birds with one stone.

All right, that is... That's an iffy. Like, we could get this up and running, but we have no idea. All right, and even if we can't, we get who we're going to to join up anyway. Okay, let me give you options. So the next closest thing to you guys, if you were to hoof it, would be Winterhaven, and then just beyond that would be Thunderspire. So you're dealing with Winterhaven, and then you're dealing with the Minotaurs. Beyond that, if you guys were to start heading east, you got Aubrey. There's a small army there. Where are they, mostly? It's more of a small town, but they've also been fending off Warforged.

So Carter started expanding, and while there's only one Overwatch, that's the city, like, the city itself expanded, and his territory just kept growing. So he swallowed up a lot of the small towns and settlements near there. Aubrey is just north enough. It's a bit closer to Winterhaven than the Overwatch. So they've managed to kind of fend off patrols and things like that for a while. If you head further east, then you're dealing with the Orcs and the Dwarves and things. If you're looking for someone to... If you're looking for someone connected, who knows someone who can fix this, then you're looking for...

I mean, first of all, you're looking for a Gnome, most likely. And you're looking for a major trade city, and that's probably gonna be Brightport, which is as far east as you can possibly go. East side? And then as far as you guys know, there is an army for sale in Onakal. Ooh. I happen to be pretty wealthy. I'm so glad I've been listening to group two. Yeah, me too. 'Cause there's nothing but good things in that place. Onakal is a lovely desert city. It's a spicy meatball city. You'll love it. All right, so far, and in character I'm gonna say this, we have elves, and within a week's time, I think they will be up and ready for fighting, but we need Brutes.

We need somebody that can get in the trenches and rip apart somebody, and I think that's either gonna be Minotaurs, Dwarves, or Orks. We need Brutes. I, uh... There are more options too, if you guys would like to hear them. For some reason, Rodswell has... For some reason, Rodswell has a strange urge to go to Onakal. Can you describe that urge? I actually don't wanna go to Brightport. I'm just drawn to it. Well, the closest would be the Minotaurs. The hardest metagaming DM I think you need to talk to him about. No, that's not metagaming. That's... What people are in Onakal again?

Slaves. Well, this would be a slave city, so there is an army you could purchase. Yeah. Are there, like, humans though? Is that what kind of army... Oh, they got everything in Onakal. Yeah, these are certainly battle-tested. They have their own arena and everything. It's like... Go into a city that builds race cars and they have their own track. Like, they have stuff. Just handmade race cars. Sounds pretty fancy. Yeah, but you said that's on the far, far east, right? That's a long journey. It's in the middle of the desert. It's in a desert, so we're gonna need transport.

We can't just walk around the desert. Yeah. I wouldn't. No, I mean, there's also the city of Orash, which is just Dragonborn. My vote... I'm thinking the Minotaurs are the closest. I'm gonna throw my name over there. Just do it. We need somebody very intimidating. I wanna go see the Dwarfs, so that's where Yennwort's name is going. You wanna see Dwarfs? You know, I'd like to see the Dwarfs. Over your own people? What? They fuck your people up. I think they have more to offer at the moment. Than the big-ass Minotaurs. I will say... Malchus walks over and impats the big, decimated armor and says, "How many soldiers is this thing really worth?" It's a leap.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to have it with us, too. It's certainly intimidating, but... A hundred thousand. I'm thinking the downfall for the Dwarfs and the Orks is because they're at war, and that's... That just sounds like a whole lot of work. But then we have two armies instead of just one, and a giant robot. We're gonna get them both to fight side by side? Is that what you're thinking? -Yes! -Elves and so-and-so. It's worked out so great for us in the past. -We can do it. -All right. Let's... I say, like, so far the Dwarfs have many enemies. They messed up the Minotaurs, they forced them out of their own land.

It would be a lot easier to get Minotaurs and Orks. OK, let's... You're right. Let's go to the Minotaurs. I mean, we can always grab some gnomes and force them to work on this sucker, but... I will remind you, you have thousands of gold. Thousands. Billions of dollars. So you're saying we could pay someone? Oh, I mean... Well, I mean, if you're talking about gnomes, they're... I mean, if there's money involved, gnomes will... Yeah. -All right, so... -So what you're saying is... We pay Overwatch to repair the armor and have it shipped back to a third-party address so they don't know it's us fixing it up.

-I like that. -Yes, Overwatch is Amazon. -I knew it. -Cool, yo. It's all a complex metaphor. Yeah, I had a bad shipping experience one time and I want to take it out on Amazon. They're one of our sponsors. Let's not... Are they? We have sponsors? They could be. They could be. Well... That's true, they are tied to awful. Damn. Amazon, it's in the game. Overwatch is on. So... So what's our final word? We're seeming pretty split here. All right, here's the final word. I'm very... I'm a very wealthy bull man. So I'm going to take some of my completely fairgotten gains and leave it with a trusted elf who is going to go out, procure some gnome mechanics, and this puppy will be ready waiting for us all fixed up when we get back with our men as our army.

Boom, boom. Oh, so you're trying to double up, huh? I see that. That's what we're thinking. We are double the fuck up. Don't curse. Christian show. I will, my name painted on the chest. (LAUGHTER) But you don't know how to read, so he could put anything. That's true. I'm counting on you. I'm counting on you to make sure I get my money. Is that officially happening? Is that... Can we get a group to do that? Like a trusted group? A Leif, OP, and... Oh, the ones that you just pissed off by taking... I am going to trade them their friend's necklace for their time. (LAUGHTER) You want a piece of your friend here?

Be nice about it. If Yynward is actually doing this, Rotswell comments about how generous Yynward is for giving all his money to... No, don't mention it. I'm a giver. They all ask when he claps. So, OK, OP, Maven, Leif are all chilling by themselves over there, and they're just eyeballing Yynward. So they're just kind of like... They're chatting amongst themselves. They'll say something in Elvish, and then... Are you approaching them to get this done? Yeah, I'm approaching them with... My palm outstretched, and it has Todd's necklace in it. So they're watching you walk over, and they're just...

They're just watching. What do you want? I want to borrow your time. You want a favour? Favour? I mean, we're kind of working together, so it's the same goal, but favour work, yeah. We're honour-bound to help you. You've saved a good patch of forest and the Great Tree. I don't mention it. On the other hand, you did just loot an heirloom. Loot is... That's a harsh word. Borrowed to pay homage at a later date? Yes. But look, we have something to go do over here. I need you to go find somebody for me. And I'm willing to part with this, and a nice little, you know, some something to wet your beaks.

You want to help me out? I don't understand this term, "something something". Some something... A thousand gold amongst the three of you? OK, that's canon now. That's a minotaur term. Some something means a thousand gold pieces. [laughter] Who are you looking for specifically? Some gnomes with some certain mechanical acumen? They kind of whisper back and forth to each other. And Maven speaks up. I may know of someone. OK. A$AP is the time frame I'm looking for. [laughter] He's several days away, but I can do my best. OK, make it a couple days. Here's your necklace and your money. [laughter] - Wow.

- Is this closet jerk-off? I guess so. He has this nice guy front, but he's just like a dick. - He sounds like an asshole. - Yeah. Love you. This is something we're realizing now that Yenward's like a stupid asshole. - So, OK... - They were mean-hugging me, dude. Why? Because you stole! Stole something of their friends. Not in a mean way. It was Todd! Come on! What happens if we were in St. Louis and one of us died and they took an heirloom or something like that? It's like, you asshole! I would have been OK with that if you guys stolen my machine. In the same day Dan falls unconscious and he runs his pockets.

- He just... - Get his shoes. Hurry up. Didn't even wait for him to see if he'd wake up. - Just take his money. - It's my bike now. Yeah, I always pictured... Since the last session, I pictured Yenward immediately after this happening. He just bends down and yanks this chain off his neck. - Just snaps it off. - He's fucked Deebo! He's the nice version of Deebo. [laughter] My grandma made game heads. [laughter] So you hand... OK. 1000 gold is what you're giving them? For their service. OK. So what are they using to hire... Because 1000 is a shitload of gold. Right, that's for them.

OK. I'm going to part with 3 for the gnomes. - OK, so 4 total. - Yes. OK, so let me take that out of your inventory there. And I want to tell the gnomes if they can get that thing over there. And I point to that run-in for us. I can match that when I get back. - Wow. - This guy is just throwing down. - Well, if you got it, flown it. - I guess so. This is the trump card right here, baby. So that's what you guys have been hoarding cash this entire time for. If you're going to spend it... [laughter] So... I... It seems almost moot now, but you're down to 15,000 gold pieces, Yenward.

- You should donate that to a confirmed... - One more thing. - One... OK. - Oh. Yenward Painted Chest. Thank you. The Yenward Dash 2. That's the name of this Titan League. And they're kind of just... I want to just look up in the sky, like smile proud of myself when I say it. - Oh my God. - The Yenward 2. Oh my God. Can I do something? - Sure. - Now, does Yenward walk away at all, like proud of himself? Yeah, this is the time I pour it. I make my hands like a sign out in the just nowhere, just... Yenward 2. [laughter] All right, I want to wander over to them. Drop a thousand gold in their hands.

Say, "He can't read." [laughter] Make it say Todd with four Ds. - That wasn't how you spell his name, but OK. - That's how I spell. - OK. - Just say Todd. OK. You give them money and that's what you want? - Like... - Yes. You make it say anything. It's actually like the nicest thing he could pay for it to say. - Right. - They're probably thrilled about that. You guys have just dropped 6,000 gold on them. - No. 5,000. - We just made a record all over them. Yeah, that's a huge amount of gold. That's a dangerous amount of money for some people to have. The elves, it's probably fine, but yeah.

So these three wander away. Yeah, we'll never see them again. - They're going to Vegas. - Damn, I fucking hate... I will hunt them down. [laughter] That's the new quest. Yennenward's just trying to get his cash back. I cite money. - OK. - So at this point, as Yennenward and Ironhide return back to the group, I kind of look around and I go, "Hey, guys, look. Yennenward just did something. It seems very generous for all of us. Giving up so much money in order to protect us, I think we should all throw in and maybe help him out a little bit because I can't imagine that he has much left at this point.

And it is going to benefit all of us in the long run. - So how much are you looking at throwing around to blow? - No, it's... I have to insist. It's fine. - No, no, no, I insist. - I will take his hits. This is when Russell reaches for his coin purse. And realizes that it doesn't exist anymore. While you were doing that, I was busy going to our next destination. [laughter] Walking in the middle of the night just out aimlessly. [laughter] You hear out from the treeline shadows, "The Yennenward Two." [laughter] I look kind of shocked at this point. And I look at the group and I go, "I think the elves stole my money." Yennenward's holding on to it for you.

- Oh, rat. - Correction, he was holding on to it for you. - Wow. - Wow, that was a test. The elves truly are holding it on to them. Malchus finked at a friend real quick. He just... No, I assume he is just holding it on to it for him. - Oh, okay, okay. - Uh-oh. - Okay. - Okay. I don't think Yennenward's stealing it from him. Okay, okay. I think we found out who's gonna turn state's evidence if there was ever a court case against us. [laughter] He will sell us out a second, guys. Great kapooky snitches against stitches. [laughter] I look over at Yennenward and I say, "Wow, Yennenward, that was very generous of you to make sure that no one stole my coin while I was injured.

Because of that, I'll let you keep half of it." Oh, don't mention it, buddy. Your money's always safe, the first bank of Yennenward. Oh, well, once again, thank you, and consider donations to the fund in getting this thing up and running again. So half, 2,000 gold for you? Okay, here. I don't know. I believe I had 9,600 at the end, so... - 97. - So... Great with 3,000. [laughter] - I'm guessing... - Can't read or do math. [laughter] - Wow. - Yennenward's not a book smart. He's a closet dickhead. [laughter] Finding this out today. Um... - Okay, so... - Here's, like...

How much... What is half of it? Like 4,500, something like that? - We'll say 4,500. - That's fine. - Okay, here. - Thank you. So now I have 11,500 left. [laughter] Still ballin'. [laughter] That's still an insane amount. You are shit-raising. Put 11,000 in context for me, Jason. You guys could go buy a fucking huge house with that. - Let's do it. Fuck, retire. - That's a lot. [laughter] It's a television show. There you go. That's a pretty... I mean, you're property owners at that point. Like, that's... And in a... Like, I mean, you could... I mean, it would be a shitty house if you went to, say, Brightport, 'cause that's, like, the New York City of Theria.

But if you went to, like, a small town like Aubrey or fucking Oldmoor or something like that, - you guys would be... - You could buy a Titan Tower. [laughter] Don't tempt me to put Titan's Tower in this game, please. That's why I did that, but... [laughter] Lawsuit, lawsuit. [laughter] So let's see, that is... 10,500 left for Yenward. - 'Cause you gave him 4,500, correct? - Yes. OK, so you have 10,500, and Rod Swell is back up to 4,500 gold. I honestly thought Yenward was just holding on to it. That's amusing. I... - I know. - Really? - He thought he was gonna...

- What? Well, no, just keep in mind, I don't think Malchus has been, like, present for any thieving dickishness. No, no, no, no, that hasn't been a thing. It was just his exact words, "Were he ain't gonna need it?" That was just his... - That tickles you, I heard. - See, the plan was, I thought I was gonna be in a coma way longer, and I was gonna make that money back. - So I could spend that. - Sure. But later, I could put it back in his pocket when he woke up, and he'd never know, but he ruined it by waking up early. You just instantly became, like, the secondary character in every movie plot that involves someone saving their little brother from gang debts.

(CHUCKLES) - Yenward Stars and Rounders. - (LAUGHTER) I just sent him to the casino, 'cause I was gonna make double that and then give him back his fortune. All right, so you guys have decided that you wanna head north. - Now, here's another question. - OK. Nathaniel's in your party. You guys are getting some sleep, so I'm gonna rest you all up. What would you like to do with Nathaniel? I'd like to speak up here. It's fun to have an extra party member. He hits really hard, but... - Time to go home. - We have enough trouble with those two. His parents, without him dying.

With my left hand, I do quotations of the parent. So, OK, he's right next to Thorl. Wherever Thorl goes, he's gonna be right there. He's practically spooning me. - Yes, so I mean, like... - He just sleeps, so he can't hear me. No, no, no, you guys are all just kinda hanging out right now around the campfire, discussing your next move, and kind of the stand-by-me type of thing. So you're all hanging out and discussing your next move, and he's like a diligent puppy dog just sitting there. - Then I guess he heard me. - Now... OK, he, as of now... The last interaction both Yennward and Draconis had was, "Shut the fuck up." That was the last thing you told this kid.

So he is also stink-a-ling you guys. - Dude, I complimented him. I said he hit really hard. - You did. And then you just suggested to take him back to Winterhaven. It's like, I'm concerned for his safety. I can't take anything you say seriously anymore. It's all coded in a thick shellac of sarcasm. Nathaniel's gonna... I don't wanna go back. I wanna stay with you guys. Listen, Nathaniel, I can't be responsible for anything that happens to you. If anything does happen to you while you snuck off, I mean, I know even if it's all you, it's still gonna end up being our responsibility and our fault somehow.

And I don't want that responsibility. You guys need me. Yeah. So you... So Yenn-Werke kind of makes the "yeah" noise and he's like, "Shut up. No one's even talking to you. I did way more damage." That was A-Cam. I just totally go falling out of him. He's like, "I did way more damage to that thing than you did. You guys are terrible shield hands. You're not even..." Done. Done. Draconis stands up... No, done. Draconis stands up, walks up to him, say one more thing, and I'll set your fucking face on fire. Your fucking face, ooh. Thoril's quiver's not even full. You guys can't even get him arrows.

You guys are terrible shield hands. - He doesn't use his bow. - Who is this party today? No. Listen, I watched Thoril fuck your mom, so you shut up. - What? - Oh, shit. That's not canon. That can't... 'Cause he didn't. - What? - You don't watch. He was right there. - I was there. - That was not canon. - Yeah, but you didn't see it. - Jason said that wasn't canon. - That is forever gonna be our... - I said it was, but that was... I never... I have debated this since episode 16, 15, what was it? That is our Han shot first. That will never fucking be cleared up. And part of me wants to release a special edition of that episode and let it be canon.

Just let him be under the beds. He should see it either way, so... I'll go back and polish up the audio. That'll be our special edition. Now, while you weren't in... Okay, wait. - You were not... - Let's just say that... No, no, no, hold on. This is a comment of the audio going, "Never mind. "Draconis was under the bed." No, it... I relent. Just, you can have it. What I will say is you know that they had sex because the next day... Like, you guys would have talked about it. Like, it was obvious the next day. It was like strutting around and shit. Right. My comments were traded, even if no one was in there with him.

Right. So even if you didn't actually physically witness the act, you knew it occurred. So if you want to shout that at Nathaniel... - Oh, damn it, no. - No. You're gonna run to the door crying. Don't do that. Okay, I just find it really strange that a second ago, we were worried that we were gonna upset his parents because he's dying, and now there's a Dragonborn threatened to burn his face off. - Like, this is not... - I've never had any feelings for him at all. Yeah, but it's not really consistent as why we wanted him to leave, right? - Furthermore... - No, I...

- One second. - I said that because I haven't liked the son of a bitch. Right, and Draconis has always had a thing... And he stepped up and started talking shit about us, so I... It's a rhetorical face burning down. One second. Draconis has also always had a thing about kids, if you remember. - Yeah, that's true. - Love, so... But he fucking loves kids, and kids love Draconis. [LAUGHTER] So, like, this little Cornroad kid who looks like Jonathan Taylor Thomas, mouthing off, probably... In the shadow is brought up, should he roll an intimidate check on... - Is that canon that Jonathan looks like Jonathan Taylor Thomas?

- Is that canon that Jonathan looks like Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Uh, that Nathaniel, yeah. Like, he looks like a young Jonathan Taylor Thomas with cornrows. - That's kind of what he looks like. - That's awesome. [LAUGHTER] Oh, man, and somebody called Tiger Beat. Tiger Beat. Is that still around? - That's probably still around. - Yeah. OK. So, I... OK. Are you saying that or something akin to that? Now, do I actually... So, do I know that? What I'm asking, is this an attempt to get him to shut the hell up, or you just want to hurt him? You just want to twist the knife in this kid?

Both of those work well with me. All of that. [LAUGHTER] All right, so go ahead and roll an intimidate check. Taking some jerk heat off the end of it. All right. - Jake's like, "Wait, I can get both of those with one dice roll?" - 25, 19. - Jesus Christ. - It's almost a crit. - All right. - I was one away from a crit. OK. So, what exactly do you say to him? Exac... If I do, if we... If you say I do know that... - Yes. - Because I was on the question I did, but if I do, that's exactly what I say. So... So, OK, just in an attempt to get him to shut up, just to attack him, you want to say, "Thorel fucked your mom." I don't remember my exact words, because I was kind of in the mood.

- Yeah. - Yeah, I remember my exact... OK, you said that you saw Thorel fuck your mom. Do you want to say that or do you just want to tell him that Thorel fucked your mom? I guess I'll change that. Yeah. You can say "saw" because that just makes it weirder. Can Thorel step in before he does any of this shit? No, no, no, no. This is something that was... - I'll hold you back. - You can step in after the fact. - OK, I'm stepping in. - Yes, but the checks... OK, the checks... Checks already been made. You can't unsay words, so go ahead and say whatever you're going to say to this kid and then...

- Go ahead, rip his heart out. - All right, since I already said it, for some reason I'll say, "I watched Thorel fuck your mom." This kid stops dead in his tracks. Dead. Like, he's just like... And he glances over to Thorel real quick, just like he's... It looks like he's about to shout something back, and then he looks over to Thorel like... "D... Say... Do something! Just..." Thorel goes to Nathaniel and just says, "Stay here." And he tells Draconis to follow him and he starts kind of walking away - with Draconis a little bit. - OK. - My fault. I follow. - So...

- That's not gonna help! - I just like to stare at Nathaniel sideways and snicker. So you're gonna just... You're gonna egg this kid on while he's, like, he's obviously hurt and pissed off and... So, to him, what happened was... That was a really good "Your Mama" joke, essentially. Like, he doesn't put any stock in it necessarily. He's never formally met Thorel. He has no, like, bearing of... Like, he's... To him, he's a bedtime story. He is, like... If, like, Paul Bunyan stepped at it and is like, "Hey, how you doing?" - Like, it's like, "Oh, shit!" - Paul Bunyan fucked your mom.

Yeah, exactly. Paul Bunyan fucked your mom. Like, on the back of Blue, his giant fucking ox. The Blue Babe, the Blue Ox. - The Blue Babe. - I'm kind of surprised he's not happy. - Not honest with you, but I'm happy. - What? So, he's... "Your mom's had us!" Yeah, you slandered his mom, so, like, he's... So he stands up and he's pacing, like, real aggressively in a very, very short back and forth, like he's... Like, he'd gone out. He's psyching himself up for something, so go ahead, Thorel Draconis. He takes the other way, he's like, "That fucking bitch!" He loves you, Thorel!

LAUGHTER Draconis, goddamn it, man. Can you just... I know you don't like the kid. I'm gonna try to get him to go home to his parents, cos I don't feel safe with him being here, but can you just hold it together for a little bit? Yeah, no, look, it's all good. It is all good until he starts talking shit about us. - You know he should fucking be here, all right? - I get it. I get it. And I'm gonna make sure he goes home. Cos I don't feel safe, I'm not gonna be responsible for his death. I don't think any of us should be, and if he dies out here, that's what's gonna happen.

Just make sure he stays away from you, OK? All right, no... Next time, I will burn his fucking face off. - That wasn't a joke. - We will. So, are you... I imagine Draconis is yelling this stuff at Thorel, like they're having a very loud conversation. Just putting a loud emphasis on... "Burn his fucking face off!" LAUGHTER So he just seems like he's... He's just like, whispering, but he screams back at him. Right, yeah, like Thorel's into the conversation, like, "Come on, man, this is fucked." He's like, "No, I'll fucking do it! I'll fucking do it!" Like, it's that.

That's what we're dealing with. LAUGHTER So... So, Nathaniel's just here, he's pacing, and at "Burn your fucking face off!" He's stopped, like, he's just... Imagine what it would look like when all those postal workers slowly went crazy back in the '90s and started gunning down the entire building. Like, imagine what their last few moments is like standing out in the parking lot, pacing back and forth aggressively, psyching themselves up, like, "Don't be fucking... strength-ed." Like, talking to themselves. So that's what's happening with Nathaniel, and he hears "Burn your fucking face off," and he looks like he just stops dead, looks at Draconis, talking to the... and draws his big broadsword, and starts stomping towards Draconis.

I like the grab by the scrub of his neck and yank him back. OK, so, OK, wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. You guys are not making my job easier. People, you drew a sword. So, OK. Why is this escalating? You guys are, like, getting outraged at a pub, guys. We're just brothers. (LAUGHTER) Draconis had some deep-seated shit with kids. I don't know what it is, but, man... Can we do something like... No, Brent! Something like, can we, like... No, no, no, Malchus must not be here, because I'm not touching this. Malchus... Malchus is not present for this. He's just gonna, tomorrow, he's just gonna ask Thoril, "Hey, Thoril, where's that kid?" And Thoril can give him whatever explanation he likes.

He is going to say, "Cave's wish, walk away." - What? OK. - It's what a Malchus does. I'm trying to keep him from swinging on Draconis, 'cause he'll burn his fucking face off. So, Nathaniel's charging over to Draconis. Yennward, go ahead and make an athletics check. Yes, sir. So, you're running, you're reaching out to stomp him. - Where is my athletics at? - Skills. - Skills. - Good man. OK, plus... It'd be a d20? Yes, so, right now, he's charging over to this, so this'll be... This'll be a fairly moderate check here. Oh, wait, that's... That's Draconis, that's not Yennward.

It's fair to say that... I thought it said four, that doesn't look right. - I only have four. - You have a plus ten, for God's sake. - Oh, wow, nice. - OK. Unless you roll low. Done it before! This is true. - Like that. - Oh! - Three, huh? - (LAUGHS) So, Yennward's kind of leaning against this giant robot, let's say, and he's egging this kid on the entire time, just like... Just like, fucking with him, just... (LAUGHTER) And this kid's just getting more hyped and more hyped, and then, burn your fucking face off, he just... Motherfucker! And he grabs his sword, and Yennward kind of reaches a paw out to stop him, and just claws air, just gets nothing.

I muffed that roll so hard. (LAUGHTER) - So, this is interesting. - The worst. (LAUGHTER) Thoril has his back to this situation, but Draconis can clearly see this kid draw a sword and charge towards him. Can I yell out something? - Yeah, sure, go ahead. - Thoril! (LAUGHTER) So, the kid's charging towards Draconis, Draconis sees it happening, Yennward yells "Thoril!" - So, I'm guessing that... - OK. Now, I got a question here first. Can I cast something, or do we have to be in combat? Don't do that. Well, because you can clearly see him coming towards you, I would have you both roll initiative, - because there's no one who's...

- OK. You know what I mean? There's no one... OK, so... it looks like I have a six. I rolled a ten. OK. All right, so... And what I'm gonna do, by the way, I'm gonna... Since Thoril can't see what's going on, I'm gonna grab and shove him out of the way, so there's nothing between us. (EXPLOSION) Doesn't Thoril have to roll initiative then at that point? Well, OK, if you're... OK, here's the thing. - This is ridiculous. - Let's set this up. This is ridiculous, but I expect nothing less from you guys. Let's set this up. Let's say that right down here... So, Brianna's kind of off to the side.

Draconis and Thoril are standing over here. So, you got Yennward and Nathaniel, kind of him pacing back and forth. And he's charging now down toward... Yeah, so you got... These elves can go now. And Malkus is not here. - Malkus went to go get tea. - Definitely absent. That's canon. (LAUGHS) So, yeah, I guess we're doing this. Holy shit, OK. (SIGHS) - Let's add Draconis and... - I like that Rick is so stunning. In clusterfuckery, yes. - Um, Rod's fall's off, not present. - Yes. OK, so you're... OK, well, that's... Yeah. - We should have mentioned... - Is Ironhide here?

Ironhide, I guess, will be off to the side. We never really established. - So, add... - So, like, Wallace was going on, Rod's well and Malkus walked away? Basically, the fight getting started, threw out my hands and left. I rolled my eyes at the situation and got out of there. - So you completely disconnected from... - I don't care. OK, so you're just completely disconnected from this. - You don't give a shit. - No. I consider it to be petty and immature and I just leave. - OK. - You're going through an insurer. The worst part was I was in the middle of saying something when I, like, disconnected.

- What were you gonna say? - When he drew his weapon, he was walking away. I said that I throw a whip around to him and just told him, yelled at him to put it away. Well, you wouldn't have saw that. - Your back was towards him. - So, yeah, you're... - That's true. - Yeah. - True that, true that. - So, go ahead, I guess, and roll initiative there, Thor. - Who? - Oh, wow, Nathaniel gets a five. I'm the best one here. I beat that thing by myself, he says. He has ten hit points, correct? - Yes. - Gotcha. (LAUGHTER) - Oh, God. - Wait, so we hadn't rested up yet? You guys kind of just camped out and before you rested up...

Can I be a part of this or no? - Of course you can. - It's kind of late to mix it up now. - If the stick's in there, he can do something. - Right. But I imagine him and Yenward... This round would have to go through and then those two can jump in. I just want to point something out real quick, by the way. Brianna's sitting here watching this whole thing. - She's watching the cold... - Well, again, she's separated from the group, so she only hears this... And then it would be the same thing with Yenward, it would be the next round they can jump in. This is their surprise round.

- OK, yeah, I got you. - Because this all just popped off and they were separated from the group and they didn't know it was happening. When you hear a fight in a bar, you hear the chair get knocked back. It's like, "Whoa, shit, something's going on back there." But you're not involved with it, you just know that something's happening. So, yeah. So, OK, this is a thing we're doing. Thoril, you're going to go first. [laughing] I don't want to do anything other than just yell at both of them to knock it the fuck off. Well, you can make a check. You don't have to be physical.

You can make diplomacy. I mean, there's a diplomacy check. - There sure is. - Just scream, "Stab it, stab it, stab it." Which I don't think you guys have ever used. [laughing] Duncan did all the time, remember? Intimidate. You used intimidate. And he tried to make things good by doing diplomacy. OK, I only got a +3 to diplomacy, but I'm going to whip around to Nathaniel and just yell at him to put his weapon away. - Oi! - All right. - All right. - I'm going to check. Shit. Nine. What do you say to Nathaniel? - Hmm? - What do you say to Nathaniel? - Please don't!

- Let's try and stop him. [laughing] Oh, Jesus, I don't know what I say with a nine. "Uh, uh, uh, I fucked your mom!" Oh, God. Nine's not that bad. It's just not great. - Like, it's not... - I beat that thing up. That's the equivalent of, like, "Stop it, stop it, stop it." Yeah, I'm just, like, knock it off. But of course he's not listening, so... So he's still charging forward. "Sits above my mom!" Like, almost tears in his eyes. Just, like, he's really worked up. Like, this kid is really worked up. I audibly go fall again in his outburst. So in the back, it's like...

Like, just in the background, fucking... Is there another check to where I could stand in front of Draconis and just tell Nathaniel that you're not going to hurt him without going through me? Well, let me see here. What would that count as? Would the check be a minor action, Rob? Or would that be... To... To do what? Like, to... Well, he tried to do a diplomacy... This is his turn in combat. I'm trying to figure out how that would work. Uh, I mean... It's... It's a standard move. It's not a minor, that much is for sure. Right. OK, I just was figuring, like... So that would have been your standard action right there.

And I guess you'd get another check if you're not moving. So I'll let you try it twice. But that'll be your entire turn. So that'd be another diplomacy, wouldn't it be? Right. So if you don't roll well here, we're gonna have a situation when it gets to Draconis' turn. Oh, come on. Big money. No whammies. 18. OK. So I'm guessing that would be against Draconis' will. Or passive insight. Uh... Passive insight's 19. Yeah, so... Wait, I thought he was talking to him. I was talking to Nathaniel, though. Oh! A second time. OK, I thought you were trying to... Yeah, I told him that you're not gonna...

You're not gonna... Yeah, I'm not the one charging anybody. Yeah, you're not gonna hurt him. You know, if you're gonna try to hurt him, you're gonna have to go through me. OK. Uh, Nathaniel kind of stops short. And he kind of lowers his weapon a bit. Now... It's Draconis' turn. How do you want to handle this? Now, he's visibly lowered his weapon and stopped. OK. So he's, like, stopped. He stopped. Like, he's not charging toward you anymore. Like, he stopped and he kind of lowered his weapon. But he's still really pissed. You can see, like, he's pissed. Like, he's all glassy-eyed and upset.

OK. Is this a good time to whip out the sigh? We'll see. I'm gonna look right at him. I'm gonna tell him, "Get your shit. The group has voted. You're going back to Winterhaven." And Draconis, can I walk away? I don't know what to do. Sure. If you're not gonna attack, he's not gonna attack. The combat's over. Like, you avoided combat. So... OK. Then that's fine. So... I'm doing the cross thing that people tend to do. They're crossing their shoulders and their head and their chest, you know. So, you didn't murder him. Congratulations. So, the next stop, I guess, for you guys is Winterhaven, correct?

Sounds like it. All right. Here's what we're gonna do. Let's take a shoot break. Why Winterhaven? I thought we were going straight to Thunderspire. Well, if you're dropping Nathaniel off... If you're dropping Nathaniel off first, then you're going to Winterhaven. If you wanna... I mean, that's... Are there shops at Winterhaven? - Yeah. - Yeah. - OK. - We got all our stuff. To me, it's not like Draconis sent him on his way more so than we're going to accompany him back. Yeah, when we get there, I wanna buy some potions. Like, five of them. OK. Well, that's a question.

Are you just driving him out? Are you telling... Like, find your own way back, asshole? - No, we'll take him back. - No, he's... I mean, I didn't say that. I just said, like, we voted. We're taking you back. - That's how I took it. - Yeah. - OK. - Yeah. OK. So... OK, how about this? We take a short break. Everyone grab a drink, you know, a banana, an apple, whatever. And then come on back, and then we'll continue in Winterhaven. - I love bananas. - Healthy snacks. - That was... - Oh, man. Oh, I'm right there with you this time, Tyler. No... - Jesus Christ. - No joke. No joke.

I don't know. He just didn't open his mouth. That's all I can say. Jake escalated that pretty far. The world fucked him up. It's like, "Oh, God, no." I thought I was being a little harsh on him, but then he just... took the safety off the gun and started firing at me. You almost made me pissed that there wasn't combat. He was at ten points. If I hit, he would have died. 'Cause you probably would have used, like, a daily or some bullshit. Oh, I promise. Yes. Malchus just wants to walk around with a sign at this point that says, "Views expressed by fellow party members may not represent the views of Malchus Grumman." - No.

- Tyler. I wasn't gonna kill him. I was gonna throw up the wall of fire. - He's gonna block the wall. - You know that does damage, right? Well, no, he's gotta walk through it, though. He's gotta walk through it. - Right, but anyone who seems to turn adjacent to it... - If he walks through it, then that's his own damn fault, but yeah. - Well, it does damage for being adjacent to it at two, I believe. - Oh, does it? - I think. I'm not sure. - Oh. Not a lot of damage. Mr. Horbury brought up a good point. We're gonna have an awkward talk when we get back to Winter Haven.

- So be it. - Oh, yeah. Ooh, ooh. It's gonna be awful. For you. Oh, Christ. Nobody said we have to go in. We can kick his ass. - I have to. - On the curb and leave. I'm at the gate. And just run. - Yep. - Like leaving a drunk guy on the front door and knocking on it. Drive away. Drive away. I love that Thoril is, like, ultimately responsible for something. Somehow, like, he got saddled with it. Somehow, like, the rest of the party gets to... I think it's that realization that, like, because there's apparently... There's been so much talk, especially with his mom about Thoril, that I would assume that, like, he would be bearing the brunt of the responsibility if something were to happen to him.

But, yeah, it does seem like a thing where it was just like... It was just like, "Well, this is my responsibility now." Yeah, we do not need that. So, okay, Tyler, you started listening to group two. Yes. And you're a few episodes in. Yes. Do you think anything like this would ever happen on group two? Um... No, they seem pretty put together. I mean, it seemed like they were about to mutiny over Galford after they got sold to slavery. Yeah, that was a hot-button topic. That wasn't... I don't see, like, two characters fighting it out. I just see more of, like, a bunch of characters beating the shit out of one character.

I think Galford's kind of gotten himself back together. If anything else, I would see them, like, putting bars of soap inside a sock and just beating Tholoman with it. Just a nice little blanket party. Yeah, I... The Ona-Kahl stuff, that's another... Spoiled, that's for, I guess, anyone who's listening to this but hasn't listened to the other previous 28 episodes. Yeah, I don't think that's a problem. Plus, yeah. Yeah, I don't think that's a problem. - Now, guys... - All right. So, where is... I mean, probably just... at another part of... So, are we in the camp or are we in the city, quote-unquote?

What... It's... OK. When I say city, don't think of it as a walled place with, you know... I mean, it's a... It's like a commune. Like, it's very hippie-ish. - So... - For the elves, right? - Yeah, so lots of... - Yeah, so it's a city for them. Yeah, it's where the elves would be comfortable. So don't... It's not like, "Oh, there's the butcher and there's the bar." And it's very elvish that way, so... Are there, like, terraces going around the outside of the tree? - Do they live in... - Yeah, like... Yeah, this tree is very lived in. This is a... Like... First of all, this thing is immense.

I can't, like... Like... Like, huge. So... You guys are more parked in front of it. So, while those guys are going at it, where would Malkus have walked off to? Like, further back into, like, this open field? Or towards the tree? Or... Like, are you trying to get away from people? Or are you just trying to get away from them because they're idiots? I mean, I didn't assume I was actively trying to get away from anything. I'm probably just, you know, making contact with the elves, so to speak, - if they're going to fight by us or for us. - Okay. So I imagine I'm chatting up some number of elven NPCs.

Okay. So, Rodswell comes in, looking not too happy, and he sees Malkus. He approaches him and... Malkus, we need to talk right now. Malkus looks at the elves and says, "Excuse me." He steps away. So we head off into a clearing. And... Malkus, I... have no clue as a leader, even if you possibly have not. I believe everyone here looks up to you in a way, despite... you letting your emotions get the best of you at times. And I've also realized that... I had to let things happen. I can't fix everything. I'm used to being the guy who controls things, and fixes things, and saves people, but with this group, it's not going to happen.

But here's what I'm going to tell you. You have Draconis in there who's getting ready to fight a child. You have Sorrel, who doesn't know how to defend him. You have Yinward, who's stealing things off corpses. You and Ironhide, despite having made peace, could blow up at any moment. Ironhide and Brianna... aren't getting along, and this is all happening in front of people that were... Hold on, no, you're not there. You're not... I'm just saying, you didn't know what was going on with you. No, but I've seen it, and I saw it before I passed out. I've... I've been around you and Brianna.

I was there while you, you know, you two argued several times. You ain't enough. That's true. Yeah. Ironhide and Brianna aren't getting along. Ironhide is the most emotional creature I've ever met in my life, and we're supposed to save the world. And I have no idea how we're going to do it. This group is falling apart. Malkus... Malkus just nods at... at Rod Swell. And says, "Friend, I think you and me need to share a drink." Do you want to go head off to an inn somewhere and have a talk? No, no, no, we'll just... Malkus will produce a wineskin of cheap wine and pour...

Don't worry, he has a flask. Okay. I'm sure Malkus is the type of dude who has a flask. Fucking lush. Pours two drinks, and he says, "A toast to having the same sentiments about the whole thing." And Rod Swell at this point puts his drink down. Doesn't drink. And he says, "No disrespect, but I don't think this is the time to do that." We're embarrassing ourselves in front of the people that are looking up to us and looking at us to save them. And we're doing nothing. We're fighting amongst ourselves. We're fighting children. We're fighting someone who apparently can possibly be an asset, from what I hear.

We just destroyed a giant war-forged monstrosity. Yeah, and we're gonna fight things that are bigger. And we're gonna have... And we have to get armies on our side. How are we supposed to convince anybody to trust us when... I can't trust anybody here. I don't know. I can't... I'm afraid to walk ahead of people in my own party. The only reason I'm still here is because I swore my allegiance. And I did so in the name of my dead stepson. Rod's... Well, I... I agree. We're a catastrophe. We succeed on wild chances and whims. It is messy. It's terrible. And it's... People look at me as though I'm crazy when I say, "I want to speak to regents and representatives on my own." As if...

As if me having these moments to myself or keeping some number of secrets is going to make this whole thing somehow worse off than the powder keg of this crew walking in and taking a dump on the dining room table. And Malkus takes a big drink. I don't know... I don't know how to stop it. You say they look to me as a leader, but I can't control them. They get resentful any time I try to exert any sort of influence over them. And I don't think any two-person united front between the two of us is going to do any better. What I do think about is that they're capable fighters.

And that if we can... And I hate to say this... Manage them. Maybe we can put this all together with the help of cities and armies and ordered people. But I agree with you completely. It's a catastrophe. Roswell looks down and shakes his head and looks back up at Malkus. "Malkus, I don't trust you and I don't always trust your judgment. I don't know if I can consider you a friend anymore. I don't know where I stand with you, but I will put my faith behind you at this point. You tell me what to do and I'll do it. And if you need my support with this group or a decision, I will grant it to you." "We need to get together.

We need to save this world." "If I'm the best you've got, I'll take it." "This is our mess. And it's time to clean it up." "Wait, I'm sorry. Back up. Say again." "This is our mess. And it's time to clean it up." "And you lost him." [laughter] "You know what? Let's stop this." "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's go with your putting your weight behind my decisions. I'll just fixate on that part for now." "Raz will nod and walks away." "Okay." "Okay. Man, I thought something was gonna happen." "I thought he was gonna blow up some churches or something. We gotta do something." "I'm gonna swear jihad and we're all gonna..." "Dan, look at the new name in the chat.

Sorry." "Runny Fanny." "Ew." "Ew." "Nice." "What's with the obsession with butts with this?" "That's normally a robot. That has to be a real dude." "Oh, man." "So you guys have... You're done and we're moving to Winterhaven? Or is there anything you guys wanna do before you go to Winterhaven?" "Moving to Winterhaven? Well, have we officially rested yet?" "I thought we were going to pick up somebody's army, right? Or no, we're going to Winterhaven to drop off the boy?" "Yeah, yes." "So actually, let me give you guys, you are rested, so let me take care of that." "I do wanna do something just aside on my own as a precautionary measure for later.

I wanna split up that extra 3,000 for the gnomes in a separate bag so they don't see how much I really have. 'Cause they can get greedy." "They could." "Wait, okay, now that's the stuff you already handed off?" "Remember if I said if this is running by the time you get back, there's another 3,000 at 4,000. And I don't wanna break out all my money and then be like, 'Well, how about...'" "Yeah, you don't wanna break out your roll and start counting it off in front of them. I got you, I got you." "Yeah." "That's probably pretty smart when it comes to gnomes." "Acknowledging the chat real quick, it is canon that Malchus and I did not bang after that conversation." "Well, now let's not be hasty, hold on." "I was under the bed, I saw it, it happened." "Also, I saw we're all in this together and for some reason I just thought, 'I'm pulling for you, we're all in this together.'" "And then it's just red-green winding fish line." "Yes." "Hey, hey, look, chat, we're a group in crisis right now, okay?

I'd appreciate some respect for the gravity of this situation. We're bursting apart at the seams here." [laughter] "You're making a mockery of this." "Who the hell is typing constantly?" "Take out my outbreak rate on the listeners." [laughter] "That's all." "Alright. Okay, going back to Winterhaven again. Now, to put this in context for you guys. In-game, you have only been back from Drax Tomb about four days." "Whoa." "Oh wow, we're making great time." "I was about to say, we are fast as hell." "You are." "Now, in that time, in four days, you have met the White Ravens, you have returned to Winterhaven, you've seen the state of things.

You've encountered warforged on several occasions, you understand the situation as it is with them. There's a deadline. They're amassing an army on their side and they're done with this. They're tired of the insurgency attacks, they're tired of... They want to wipe them out. Gone. So in four days, give or take, a few hours, you've defended a chunk of the forest, you've gotten the elves to align with you guys, you've accomplished a hell of a lot. You have also thrown each other off of porches in full view of the city. You have fist fought each other in front of Winterhaven itself." "Not that word." "You have gotten into a couple of arguments now with the leader of the White Ravens.

You have stolen items off of the corpses of allies. I mean, so... You... We're not exactly good people." "Well, when you say like that, we sound bad, but... I mean..." "When you put it that way..." "You keep saying stealing, I call it being resourceful." "Okay." "You're repurposing that necklace. Okay, and the biggest thing right now is that you currently have... Talia and Eonservice's son. That's not our fault. They had no knowledge that he had left, like he snuck out. However he did it, he snuck out. That's a huge deal. Like, a huge... It's a huge deal for anyone in Winterhaven to just leave, because that's the opposite of what you want in Winterhaven.

You have those walls for a reason. And then on top of that, that's like... Okay, picked up... The president's daughter has been kidnapped. It's a huge deal to that. They figure he could have been kidnapped, he could have left of his own accord, or ran away, or whatever, but he's gone, and that's a big deal. So, heading back to Winterhaven. You cannot see how hard I'm face-palming right now, because I just realized I have to stand up for Thoril, because I encouraged him. Yep. All of you did. I didn't do anything wrong. Don't sit there and be like "yay!" This party has a very hard time accepting responsibility for one's actions.

I accept responsibility for being resourceful and making sure we have enough money to pay for our tabs. That's the only thing Yandward skills here. Caring too much. So, approaching the gates of Winterhaven, the gates are wide open. That's good. Let me finish. The gates are wide open, and Ian Servers is on horseback. In full regalia, like armored to the hilt. Like, he is ready to... Him and a bunch of his boys are riding currently out of Winterhaven. They've got a posse together, and they're going to go out and look for Nathaniel. So, he is in just full, shimmering, silver-looking armor.

Just ready to go. He's heading out. And then they see you coming down the road leading to the gates of Winterhaven. And then they see Nathaniel. And he... This is when we should kick him out and run. Push him and run. Well, they're on horseback, and you guys are on foot. Oh, okay. So, he... Ian is livid. Like, the look on his face. This is more piss than you've ever seen him be pissed. We've seen him pretty pissed. Well, it's just about to start, so we'll see what happens. Now you have his kid. He... It's always a misunderstanding with us and this kid. So, he rides up to you, and in one swift motion, with one...

His one hand is clasping the saddle here, the reins. So, he's riding up, and then kicks off of it. Just kind of, as the horse is coming to a stop, he just kind of bounds off this horse and wanders up to you guys. Just really aggressively. And he takes his left hand and grabs the wrist of his son and jerks him over to him, and kind of pushes him in one motion to his boys in the back, and it's like, "Take him to the hall. I want to talk to him." And he turns back to you guys. "You. What are you doing with my son?" We were out in the forest. We were looking, we were setting up our defenses against the War Forge, and he came out on his own out here.

He just showed up. We had no idea he was going to be there. He's getting ready to raise his voice again, and then he like, there's still some people behind him. There's still guards and such. So, meet me back at the hall. I want to talk to all of you. - There isn't time, Ian. - Okay, so, okay, you're just gonna try to walk. Just like skidaddle. - No, no. I'll stand there and tell him we're not coming back. - No, no, no. Right, okay. So you're not coming back to the city. - I mean, well, hold on. Look at the party. Don't you agree that we need to move along and see how many people we can recruit to continue this?

- If he needs to talk to us, he can talk to us right here. - Sounds good. - The entire point of what you were trying to do was to protect Winterhaven. And my son is out gallivanting with you. - Yes, and he fought in a great battle and became a man, and now we are going to go out and recruit more people to protect the world. We do not have time to be yelled at by you. - You had him fight? - He wanted to. What are we going to do? - He would take no for an answer. - He's a seventeen year old boy! What he wants isn't in the equation. - I grew up far earlier than that.

He is fine. Tossed around, but fine. - Yeah, he's pretty banged up. Like, he's visibly, yeah, so... - Malchus looks past Ian and says, "Boy, do you regret fighting?" "Do you regret protecting your city with your own two hands?" - I'm sure he's already gone by now. - No, no, no, they're leading him, and he kind of, everyone stops and he turns around and he wants, like you could see like a little puppy, he wants, he's just like, I... And then he kind of makes eye contact with Ian. And he kind of quiets down. - Then Malchus, if Malchus sees that, Malchus says, "Then I suggest you stay indoors next time." And Malchus just scowls at him.

And Malchus looks at Ian and says, "Satisfied?" - So, Nathaniel, okay, Nathaniel... - I'm going to murmur little bitch under my bullshit. - This is why I can't talk to grownups! - No, nobody heard it, nobody, it's just, I just like... - Little bitch? - No, yeah, no one's ever heard it. - Little elbow nudge. - Little bitch? - How do I get thrown in with this idiot group? - Group two always needs stable, able-bodied people. - Nathaniel chimes up, "I want to fight with them. Tell them how good I did! Come on! Tell them how good..." And Ian is going to walk over and, um, he's in full regalia again.

So his left hand is just coated in this big gauntlet, and he is going to backhand the shit out of Nathaniel. This kid's going to stumble back, like it hits him hard, he doesn't leave his feet, but he stumbles back several paces. And the guards kind of catch him and write him and kind of draw him in so that doesn't happen a second time? You shut your mouth. Bring him to the hall, I want to speak to him privately. And the guards start to move away again. Um... Ian is going to stomp back up towards Malkus. - Now, for the record, Malkus is prepared to block, not with a weapon or something, but prepared to block if Ian tries to backhand him.

- Right, no no no, this wasn't... - Okay, no one's making a bitch out of Malkus out in the middle of the red pit. - Nice. - I'm right at you. - He's furious, but he's not trying to hit you. He's not trying to pick a fight with all six of you standing there. - He's not that stupid. - Right, he's furious, but at the very least, good at scouting odds or opportunistic, whatever you want to call it. Like, he's not... yeah, he's not trying to pick a fight with all six of you. You stay away from my son. If you have business in Winterhaven, you come speak to me, but leave him out of this.

I never want to see you speak to him again. Are we clear? - I want Thorold to walk up and just say, "We will definitely stay away from your son, but we can't guarantee that your son will stay away from us." - Oh, I'll guarantee he'll stay away from you. And he's gonna capeswish walk away. He's gonna... - Oh, shit. - Turn around... - That's copyrighted. - He's gonna turn around and start to mount his horse up again and... - Rodswell steps up real quick. Ian. - Little bitch. - What? Sorry. - He says, "What?" - I thought you were gonna... - Ian, I do believe you should be aware that in the heat of the moment, there may have been some accusations thrown at your son.

I'm sure he will question. - So he rears his horse back to stop and he swings it back around. - We didn't need to go through this. - Shut the fuck up. Shut up. - He hears it now. - He just thought it was a your mom joke. Shut the fuck up. He's not gonna say anything. - What kind of accusations? What did you say to my boy? - And you talk about us blowing it all the time. - I am lawful good, motherfucker. - I like that. That motherfucker. - That's gonna be hard to maintain with this party. - Yeah, you're gonna play lawful good. You guys are the animals. Like, I don't...

There's no law here. Law don't go around here, law dog. - It may have been somebody in our party or it may have not, but you will have to explain your situation with his mother. - And what situation would that be? - I don't even think he knows. - He can't. - You're fucking this up. - Oh, you're gonna do this now, Mr. Fight, Fight, Fight? You're gonna get on this? - Who? Me? I'm not... - No, no, no. Tom. - Oh. - He's always trying to get people to fight, and now he's like, "You're fucking it up." - Well, that's what time does. - You're gonna take that in. - Is that Shannon over there, Tom?

Is that really... - You're gonna go ahead and pick sides and shit. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, okay. Hold on. Before we completely fall off the rails. So, this... Okay, you said... Oh, your situation. What situation? And then there's a silence. Speak up! - It may have been brought into question whether or not you are his true father. - He dismounts his horse. And he... He's going to move right, like, nose to nose with Rotswell. - I am not trying to pick a fight. I am doing this out of respect to a father. And I am preparing you for a conversation that you may end up having with your son.

I am not saying that you are not his father. I am not questioning it. I am letting you know what he will bring up. - Who brought it into question? - I... That's not my... I am not a liberty to say. I wasn't there. - Then how do you know about it? - I heard it. - From who? - A warforged. - I heard it. I was walking away, and I heard it. I don't know who said it, and I don't know who it was, but I did hear it. - And he's gonna back up from Rotswell and then look at all of you. Which one of you said this? - I didn't say it was one of us. There were elves there at the time.

There were other people present. - So you were close enough to hear it, but you have no idea who said it. - That is correct. I was going through a lot of the time. - So, with his left hand, he's going to draw his sword. You're playing a very dangerous game with me. You've insulted my lineage. You've questioned my fatherhood. You've taken my son into battle, and now you tell me this. You're close enough to hear it, and you don't know who said it. - Ian, Draconis steps forward. I said it. And we got more important shit to do, so get back behind those walls and let us do what we gotta do.

- So I gotta tend to initiative. - Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. That sounds like... Okay, I'll let you do that either way. That sounds like an intimidate check to me. - Well, yeah, I guess so. - I mean, the aggressive nature, but you could also kind of spin that as a diplomacy type of thing, like try to appeal to a sense of reason. - So what we're saying, Jake, is do you want this to go better or worse? - Okay, I want him... I want it to go better. - That would be a diplomacy check, Jake. - I think I have higher intimidate, so it probably would have been better than that.

- If you haven't done it, you should still change your mind. - I mean, I want this to go better than worse, so... - Goddammit. - I hope it's like a hundred. - It's only two more points, so we'll see. - Oh, look at that, 18. - Okay, so 22. That's a pretty damn good check in this particular instance. Ian is going to she the sword. And then... And he's gonna kind of back off, but kind of like, he's keeping eye contact with all of you, and then eventually he just shakes his head and mounts his horse again, and... You know how people peel off in their car when they're real mad to make a show of how mad they are?

Like, he rears back on his horse and just, with the one hand, is like, "Yah!" - Like, he wants to make a show of peeling off. - After he's out of ears, he's trying to ask, "How does he steer that thing with one hand?" - I was gonna say, he falls right off with his one hand. - It's like a bull rider... - He's trying to stay on the full eight. - He's had years of practice. - He can only go so far out the gates before he has to turn around or he'll fall off. - You stop right there. No, come here. - I want to look over at Rodswell and say, as stupid as it sounds, I do think that it was better that he heard it from us.

- I was appealing to his senses as a father. As a father, I could not walk away, knowing that he was gonna have that conversation with his son and be unprepared for it. - That's totally not how he took it, and he was never gonna say anything about the joke. - Well, I can't control how he took it. And he was gonna say something about it. - Malekus is just watching this dude right off into the distance, pulls out his wine skin again, takes a little nip of it, and he says, "Well, we're back down to no armies on our side again." - Well, you got the elves?

- We got the elves. - And we didn't have Winterhaven anyway, because when we were training at Winterhaven, everyone got angry. - No. No, no, no, no, no. They have a signed... You guys have a signed letter of intent. - Oh, yeah, we do, yeah. But we never had Ian on our side. - The problem is, he didn't... He's like, "Okay, how do I get to the end of this?" - Well... - He's like, "Okay, how many guys you got? How many millions of guys?" Like, "We don't have any, but you're the first one." It's like, "Oh, well, we don't accept that." Like, he had a problem with that, like, the number of people that we did not have.

- Yeah, we never had Ian. We had Talia. Or not Talia. Yeah, Talia. - Well, yeah, but they run Winterhaven as... It's not... It's not a patriarchy, so I mean, it's a joke. There are a couple who run Winterhaven. It's not he's in charge and she's a tag-along. And if anything, Waite would probably carry more with the people of Winterhaven, because she's lived there all her life, and she's... - I'm just saying, that situation shouldn't have changed much. It's not like Ian was that happy with us, anyway. - No, no, no. But it's... That kid's gonna get the shit kicked out of him.

- Oh, yeah. - Like, you just know that. - But no one cared about that earlier, so I don't understand. - Well, no. - That would be a thing. - I imagine his head's still ringing. That's probably... - I was about to say, he got bitched left. - That was all. - He's like, "Don't do it." - I'm just like how Malchus was ready for it. He's like, "That shit ain't happening to me." - I got my weapon up. He's not gonna... - Yeah. - I feel like I should be taking exception to him hitting Nathaniel like that. - Yeah, I was waiting for you to do that. - Yeah, you were... - I was gonna say something along the lines of, like, Thoril saying that, you know, a father doesn't hit his son.

He's nothing more than a sperm donor. And that's a maybe. - He's gonna come over and hit you next. - Is it canon that Thoril on the way is like, "Oh, I just thought about what I should have said back then." - I think it is. I think it is. - Is it wrong I didn't stand up for my kid, guys? - My alleged kid? - You thought you lost your vampire biting wit. - You're deadbeat dad, Thoril. Deal with it. - Didn't pay child support for 17 years, no? - Yeah, dude, you could probably catch up on all that child support with the money you got from Drax Tomb. That's probably...

The court's gonna have you pay that shit back. - Do you wanna give me the money, I'll run over and give it to him? - We're in a day and age, I don't think child support's a big deal. - The gate's not closed yet, I mean, if you want... - No, we're good. - What other D&D podcast gives you child support? Child support arguments within game, like, I wanna know. - Can I roll for custody? Can that happen? - Did you say, "Can I roll for custody?" - 19, we get him on the weekdays, cool. - I will say this, there is a way within the world to find out if that's his kid or not.

- That witch is sure. - I'll let you guys think about it. What would make the most sense to you guys? - Oh, he tastes. You gotta hold him down and taste him. - But we figured this all out after. - I'm just throwing it out there. I'm just letting you guys know that that's a thing. - Let's... - Wait, wait, wait, I have a question real quick. - Mm-hmm? - Is vampirism, is that hereditary? - No, well that was... - He was a vampire when he had sex with Talia, so... - He certainly was. - It's true. - Okay, okay. - Gotta wait to stab that undead knight. - Oh, look at his teeth.

- Hold up a mirror or something. - That may be one of the reasons he's so good with a damn, like, at least brute force with a sword. - That's why he's good with a sword, because of that vampire. - His dad beats him enough, he might turn into a vampire anyway, or at least dress like one. - Although it... - It could be, it could be the fact that Ian's a... - Have we seen him when the sun's out? - Yeah. - So why did he... He didn't even get burned? He doesn't even have sensitive eyes? - He wouldn't be a full vampire. He'd be half. - Maybe half, so it hurts. - It also could be just the fact that Ian's a big strapping dude, and his kid's a big strapping dude, and they both hit hard, so we don't know.

- He's like Blade, dude. Like Blade. - He's a daywalker. - Yeah, he's a daywalker. - He's racist. - What? - Moonback is racist. - Alright, so we go into the... - Well, Tom asked if he could shop. - Oh shit, you wanna walk in there? - God damn it. - What? Oh, no, Tyler said no, so we're not gonna... - Okay. - You got five potions, right? - I did wanna shop. I don't think we're welcome now, though. - That'd be kinda weird, but I mean, it's up to you guys. - Well, it would only be weird if it's like, "No, we don't have time." And then after he leaves, it's like, "Let's sneak into the city and go to the shop." But seriously, let's go to the shop.

- Fuck it, I wanna go to the shop. - God damn it. - So you're gonna... - Alright, let's go. Is there anything on the way? - Between... - Can you put up a stall on the roadside? - Not really. It's not really that... It's kind of like... The entire point of this region is that traveling salesmen get the shit kicked out of them eventually, so they stop traveling. - I'm sure we can stop when we get where we're going, right? - Yeah. - There might be something there. - The thunderspire with the... - Thunderspire? - Minotaurs? No. - Oh, that's why we're going to the minotaurs.

Yeah. - This is it. Now... - I mean, hey, maybe there'll be something for you there, right? - Could be. - My new life is King of the Minotaurs, but for now... I need potions. - Well, let's say that you guys... Well, you got five. That's a lot of potions. - Okay, let's go. - You have all the healing potions and all of the money. - Okay, let's go. - I'm just throwing that out. - There's no walking back into that town today. - We do have a healer. Now it's fine. We can... - We're not supposed to fight these guys, are we? We're trying to get them on our side. We don't really want to...

- Well, we'll see. - We might run into something on the way, though. - We'll be fine. We'll be fine. We got this. - Got this? - Yep. We got this. - So, let's talk about... Let's talk about Thunderspire for a minute. - Okay. - Because the last time you guys had any interaction with these Minotaurs was Telros Darkhoof, I believe. And he was... He was of the belief that the Minotaurs in this section of the world have been oppressed long enough. And that not only should their section in Thunderspire thrive, but that Winterhaven should turn over the keys to the kingdom and just leave.

And if they didn't, he and a bunch of other like-minded guys were going to run in and savagely destroy everything. You guys killed him. So that put an end to that little uprising right there. - Yes. - Does someone want to do a history check? - That would be Ironhide. - Go to question. - Let me see. I think I have a good history. - Ironhide. - It's... I have a 2. - Yeah, I got 16. - Oh, okay. You then. Yeah, go for it. - I only have a 15. - Look who knows his history. - Daya, 24. - I'm playing the world's tiniest violin for you. - I got a cane on me. - That's true. - All right.

So you guys have been back four days, give or take, again, a few hours. And you have had very little opportunity to read any history books, anything like that. But you guys did thumb through the Bleak Ten and presumably while you're kind of sitting there in the hall, the Winterhaven Hall, you've had a chance to look around. You guys quelled the uprising of that little stream of minotaurs. So that's dead. Now, the brother of Telros, Larys Darkoof, is currently the leader of these minotaurs up north. That's pretty much all you know about the situation. There's been no further animosity between Winterhaven and Thunderspire.

They pretty much both keep to themselves, especially... Winterhaven doesn't have any communication with the outside world for the most part, except for that immediate area. So that's all you know. Now, coming up... Let me see, do we need to change maps? Not quite yet. - Turns out Telros is their Che Guevara. - He's got all these screen printed t-shirts of him. - I still have Telros's axe with me. - Oh jeez. - I do. - You better hide that shit. You've never really made a big show of it or got rid of it or sold it or anything, but yeah, it's still kind of strapped to your back.

I have it. - Bloodletter, I believe it was called. - Yeah. - Tom gets all the best weapon names, I've noticed. - Uh huh. - That's because Tom takes all the weapons. - He takes everything. You can use the awesome two-handed things that come to me. Bloodletter, I'll take that. Stormrender, I'll take that. - Can you use a two-handed axe, Tyler? - No you can't, so there. - You're kind of fruity. - You're kind of fruity. - So Thunderspire is this... - Sounds cool. It's a pretty immense... kind of picture the Leaning Tower of Pisa, something like that. Because it's this big structure that sticks out of the ground, but it's slightly askew.

It's this huge column, it's exactly what it sounds like, it's a huge spire, so it's this big structure. And you can tell this wasn't built for minotaurs. It's just something they acquired. - Mine. - Yeah, that's kind of, it's like, who's it, me? I'm using this. And by that time they weren't taking no for an answer because they've been driven so far out of their homeland, they're like, "Whatever, any port in the storm, this is ours." And then they kind of adopted the philosophy of, "I don't care whose this is, it's mine now, and I'll be damned if anyone chases me out of it." - So, over the decades...

- So you would just be preserving the heritage of his people? - Yeah, I love that about that. - Maybe. - It's just my aunt's thing, so you can't help it. - I feel so racist now. Just like tieflings like to drink, apparently, you know? It's in their nature. - It's our word. - He's also been preserving the history of the elven people, and preserving the history of the dwarven people, and preserving the history of the elven people. I care. Yeah, I mean, Therian races, they can be kind of shitty to each other sometimes. You know, one day, Yennenward's just gonna show up and he's gonna open a museum with all this stuff he took away, and then the rest of us are gonna feel really bad for accusing him of being a thief. [laughter] - So...

- Rott's gold is in there somewhere. That's in the safe. That's in the back. You know, I wanna throw it out there. If you guys had a home base, you could totally start storing some of this stuff, because... - It's attributing to your weight at this point. - If we could learn to not piss everybody off. Well, if you could find a place that would tolerate you guys for more than, you know, a few weeks, that would be great. I don't think you guys have lived anywhere more than a couple of months, right? Hey guys, there's this barn in Overdale. Do you wanna go head there?

- We did live there for like six months, didn't we? - Yeah. Yeah, you guys did. You lived there for a while. I'll give you that. If Rod Spill said that in character, Malchus goes, "I hear the climate's not friendly to entrepreneurs." [laughter] I give him a hand. Okay, so we arrive. So, there are two... Two large... Well, all minotaurs are pretty large, but these guys are especially bulky. And they're both kinda carrying halberds. And their job, specifically, is to stand by... So, this is a huge stone structure with wooden doors reinforced with steel. So it's got the...

Kinda the steel lining around the door. Or iron, probably. And these two minotaurs see you guys approaching. And they kinda cross their halberds over the door. Shit. What business do you have here? I'll take it. Yeah. We're here to speak to whoever's in charge. I'm pretty sure that would be Mr. Darko. [laughter] I have an appointment. Now stand aside. Is the man of the house present? Okay, so, first of all, they probably wouldn't have interacted with any... Any one of you other guys except Yenward. So, it's probably good that Yenward stepped forward. Hey, we did it!

Secondly... I got this. Yenward is still considered an outsider? He's not part of their tribe, he's not part of the... He's not with them. And who are you, outsider? My name is Yenward Firesong. I am the leader of this group of travelers. And we have a very pressing matter to bring up with your leader. They both look at each other. What did you say your name was? Yenward Firesong. One Y. They... And Malkus steps up beside him and says, "You have not heard of the great Yenward Firesong, conqueror of tribes." I travel with him in honor of his might. The other minotaur...

We've heard of him, but... Where have you been? Conquering this great land, Theria, of course. What lands have you conquered? Winterhaven, for one. They consider me a knight there. Pretty influential. Drax's tomb, own it. Okay, roll a bluff check, please. Okay. I don't think Yenward thinks he's bluffing on that one. I was about to say, he seems pretty legit. Not bluffing. You're saying you own Winterhaven. Winterhaven, yeah. Yeah, you're... Okay. No, he said he owned Drax's tomb, which turns into... No, no, no, no. He asked, "What lands have you conquered?" Winterhaven, for a start.

It's like, "I don't know." We are a knight. I said I was a knight, so that's true. I covered my bluff up quickly with a truth, so it doesn't count. You're throwing them off, I like that. We can lies in with truth, that's good. That's a good lie. Alright, fine, I'll let that slide. I think he should have really high bluff, I don't know why. I think Tom himself should have a high bluff. Yeah. He's such a likable asshole. Excuse me. And did you hear of my latest conquest? A Titan Elite. That's right. It's the size of at least 400 Warforged. That's pretty impressive.

Okay, roll a bluff check. I did. That's true, it's on my kill list. You said it was as big as 400 Warforged. That's as big as it is. Roll a bluff check. It's like 60 stories long. I want to point out, Yinward's really bad at math. That's true. Right, but he is interacting with these other... I mean, he's telling these stories. Is he not a giant robot? Just bluffing. He is. This is true. Okay, there you go. No, you got it. Bluff him. You got this. Well, maybe not. I did kill it though. That's the truth. Okay, you're... You're fucking... So they can tell he's exaggerating.

Yeah, it's not an outright lie. They know you're not lying, but it's like... Okay, 400 really, it's as big as 400 Warforged. Alright, maybe three. And you wish to speak with Laris Darkhoof? Absolutely. And what business do you have here? A little business called "Stopping the Warforged Threat". So these two look at each other again. And they part ways and they grab either side of this huge... these huge double doors and kind of yank it open. We'd ask that you leave your weapons on the lower levels. Alright. Fair. What do you got? Hold on, I'm speechless for a moment.

Malkus ain't no bitch. That's what he's... At least bring a shank. Malkus kind of looks at the N-word and says... Is this culturally how it goes? Yeah. It's pretty standard, man. As we're taking our weapons out, are they gonna notice? I can't say yeah, I'd like to retcon that. I just shrug like... We'll find out later, but... You're pretty accepting. Alright, so... As we lay our weapons out, do they notice the axe? Oh yeah, for Yenward? Yeah. Well, I mean, we'll discuss whether you guys are gonna do it first. Oh, sure. I would let you roll some sort of check to... try and circumnavigate that, some sort of diplomacy check.

Give them a reason why you shouldn't have to. I have a +8 diplomacy, you want me to try? Yes. What are we gonna say, though? Right, give me something tangible that these guys would go with. I got it, I got it. Can I say mine, just in case it's better? Yeah, go. Just, you know, what if the war storm, storm your... You know, while we're here? That's exactly what I was gonna say. We need to be prepared for battle at all times against the war-forged threat, you know. You wouldn't leave us, you know, helpless as babes, would you? Well, I was gonna play the card of, "We need to be prepared to help them defend their land, in case..." Oh, that's good too.

Okay, so it's Rottswell piping up and saying something. I have a +8, is that... I mean... Well, I'm asking, is it? I'm just asking who's... Yeah, I have a 3, so it's third one. So, Rottswell pipes up and one of the guards just said, "Silence, human! I'm speaking to your keeper!" So, I'll speak up. "Hey, man, you've been it, you've been living it, just as we've been living it, they can show up at any time with hundreds of them. You wouldn't just leave us helpless, would you? And besides, we're pretty tough, you know. We can help you hold this place down." Uh, go ahead and roll a diplomacy check.

So, you roll good rolls. 10. Back to back 10s, you usually do. *laughter* Back to back 10s. God, that was catty as hell. Yup. *laughter* I'm just gonna say, if they find out, this could get bad quick. We'll have to kill all of them. Find out what? The worst thing that's gonna happen is we're gonna surrender our weapons. They're gonna... Okay, we'll see. We'll see. Uh, that's not... They're not buying that. Like, that's not an adequate enough excuse. We can't have you marching into Larys' office and you keep your weapons. You'll have to surrender them down here.

Fair. Fair. And he points over to a chest where you can keep it and no one's gonna touch your stuff. Uh, subjects? But they will watch you. Yeah, they will watch you. Kind of disrobe your weapons. Everyone, just drop your shit. Malchus gives you an inward long hard look but goes through with it. Yup. Got to. Can I keep... Do I keep my holy symbol or do I drop that too? Can I whisper something to Malchus? Stop them here? Uh, go ahead. Oh hush. Half your fucking things don't even need a weapon. Well, he's materialized so... From the hell dimension or wherever a tiefling stuff comes from.

Yeah, but if I lose my robot I lose two points of attack. Well, that's true. One damage roll and stuff, so... Yeah. Well, I mean, let's try to have this not go violent. Considering we're trying to get them on our side. Right, so the only thing that you're giving up, Rodswell, would be your... Uh, your implement, I believe. Or what do you use? I have a sword and a crossbow, I believe. Oh, well that goes in the chest. Yeah, but my holy symbol I can keep, right? You can keep that, yeah. Because that's like a necklace type of thing. I just have a wand. I put that in there.

Oh yeah. That's all I got. Wizards especially, like, magic users to these guys, you're not... You are not cool with them. Like, they don't... It ain't about brute force. Whoa, they don't like magic? They're not a fan of it. It's just because they see that as like a coward's weapon. Yeah! I like that! Like, you don't prove yourself in the battlefield. Like, to them it's you getting assistance. Like, you didn't beat me, you just used magic to beat me. That's not, you know... Right, that's how they view it. I like these guys. So, you guys are taking off all your weapons, and then you get to Bloodletter.

Which is the axe that Ynward hasn't used in a while. I would like to remind who Bloodletter belonged to. Yes, that's... A crazed minotaur who split off from the tribe and formed a cult. So they're not fond of him. So they do recognize this weapon. This is an iconic weapon among their people. This is a big deal. So, as soon as you start to put it in the chest, like I imagine you're trying to do it quickly, it's like, "In this one, and I got this other stuff." Like, they take notice of that right away and pick it up. Where did you get this? Off the younger Darkhoof.

And they again look back at each other. And now we have a situation. So they're gonna escort you to him, to Larys, right away. Alright. That's what I came here for. Let's go. So they're keeping this weapon in tow with them, and they're taking you upstairs. There's this huge spiral staircase to this place. And then along the way there are different levels to it. But if you're going to the top, it's just continue with the spiral staircase. So this thing has several levels to it. Here's the problem though. When you get towards the top, the thing is so askew that the floor is tilted?

It's not the best of situations. But to them, like, "Okay, he's the top guy. He deserves to be at the top." That's the shittiest spot in the building. But it's this point of honor. So you walk into this minotaur's digs. And this is... Picture kind of this rustic study type of thing, but it's on the walls, it's just hanging all the shit this guy has killed. So we got the heads of fucking fellow minotaurs and stuff. You get the sense that maybe at another point there may have been some sort of uprising or something he had to quell. But everything is hanging on the walls slightly askew.

Like, it's hanging, but it's... [ The building is tilted. So everything looks completely fucked up when you walk in. Would you like to speak first, or...? I'll speak first. Ah, trophy collector. I'd collect it myself. Pretty nice. And Laris kind of shouts at these guards, "Who are they?" And the guard kind of holds up bloodletter and says, "They came to speak with you. This was on them." This was among them... Specifically, okay. This was among the minotaur's possessions. And Laris is kind of eyeballing you. He was real gruff when he first called out to you, and now it's kind of like, "Okay?" And he's kind of got that look on his face.

Speak then. Alright. Hi. Yenward Firestomp. Minotaur. My subjects. I have a motion behind me. We are here to hopefully have you join our efforts in stopping the Warforged menace. Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna do a little skill check minigame here. You're gonna do your best to convince Laris to take his people and help the humans and elves and such like that. I got more to say. I can keep going. Right. And you'll have plenty of opportunity, don't get me wrong. Anyone in the party is welcome to step up at any time and try their hand at this. Now, I'm looking for six successes before two failures.

Okay. And this is what check? Well, this will be diplomacy. This will be anything you can... So, diplomacy first and foremost. But if there is a check that you want to make and you can make a pitch for it, and it makes sense, I'll allow it. Okay. All of my highest things are physical. Well, that's the... Except for streetwise, if that doesn't have anything to do with that. Ah, streetwise, no. Holding it down for the streets, darker. I still got like, I'll say diplomacy, but I got told to shut up. Are they gonna be... So they are cool, like he's... I have a question.

If I say things and they back me up, can they do the roll? If... Okay. Here's the thing. They can assist you in the roll at any time. Or you can actually delegate and tell... Like if you give them permission in front of Larys to... It's like, "Oh, that's cool. He's my speaker. That's fine." "This guy's my accountant. He knows all the numbers." If you tell him, then he'll let him speak. Who has the highest diplomacy? Because I'm gonna be deferring to you at some point. I believe me. But I'm not 100% sure. Let me look. Oh, wait, no. It's Malkus. I'm at +8. You're +10 diplomacy, Malkus.

Am I looking at the wrong character? Oh, I've still got your character. Holy cow, I was looking for the wrong modifiers. So, the way it works is someone... We've done this in group two a couple of times. But the way it works is you can... Everyone in the party, if you want, can roll a flat d20 and 11 or higher, you get to assist. If it's 10 or lower, then the person gets a -1 to their roll. If it's 11 or higher, they get a +2. So you can actively hurt someone's attempt to do something if you... But, I mean, it's up to you. It's a risk/reward type of thing.

Now do we have to do it before they roll, or can we wait until after they roll? Oh, yeah, it has to be before their roll. You can't sit on the fence and wait to see if they need assistance. It has to be a decision you make before Yenwood would make his... Or whoever's talking to Laris at that point. So, you're making your pitch right now. So, your pitch is... We want you to bring your army of minotaurs into a life or death struggle with the Warforged. So, that's a hard sell for these guys. Because they've been pushed into the corner of the continent. That's going to be part of my argument.

Is he saying this to me? Well, I'm just letting you know that this is going to be a hard sell. I got it. But it's that hard sell reason why I'm going to get him on my side. The first thing he's going to say is, "Why should we help the humans?" Look, man, it's not just humans anymore. You see these signs all over? I've been told they read "Slay the Beast Races." Now, you and I are pretty beastly. Now, I'm saying here, look, I know you're no fans of elves and humans and especially not dwarves and all these different races. But we're all being pushed out of our homes by these things.

And if there's anything that you can identify with, it's getting pushed out of your home. Okay. You're going to make a diplomacy check for that. That thing you just said. How convincing that's going to be to him. Does anyone want to assist? It's his diplomacy. It's not... Well, he's the one saying it. Like, he spoke up. I have a degree in diplomacy. I'll try to help. Alright, so just roll a flat d20. No. Okay, so that's going to be a negative one to Yenward's roll. Anyone else? Boom. Suck my dick. So he just jumped in. He just did it. Yeah, you just did it. So, okay.

I dropped the one point I was supposed to drop, and I still got 19. Right. So there. 18 will pass. That's one success. Good job. So, wait. You dropped the one. Okay, okay. So 19. I'm sorry. 19 will pass. So, he kind of considers it for a minute. Who's to say we can't take out the Warforged if they attack Thunderspire? Do you want to spend the rest of your life defending Thunderspire, or would you like to branch out and make your home bigger than this tower one day? Okay, that's going to be another diplomacy check. Anybody? Okay, before you roll, does anyone want to assist?

I do not. I'm kind of waiting for a better angle at the argument. I don't know that I'm... Yeah, and I want... Also, Tom, remember, you can defer to Malkus. He has a plus 10 on diplomacy. So, he... Yeah. I'm holding that for the first time I fuck up. I don't know if we have more than one fuck up in us. That's the only problem. We have two. That's a lot of successes before two. I'm just letting you know. Thanks, Dion. Hey, I didn't say... You got a party with you. Does he? I already tried and failed, but... Each of us failed twice, is what you're saying. He needs help if he can get it.

Oh, no. You can roll to assist again. I know, but I'm asking everybody if... We should discuss things every once in a while, I think. Yeah. So, if we roll to assist him, it'd just be a flat D20, right? Yep. It's basically a big horn flip. It's a 50/50 shot. Yes, exactly. I'll help. I can help, too. All right. Do you have a hide-up on this end? Well, it doesn't matter. It's just a flat. That's a negative one. Oh, crap. Oh, Jesus. Negative two. One person rolled. I didn't ask fucking Justin. God damn it. That's up to them whether they want to assist. I wanted to help you.

You already fucked me over. How did I fuck you over? Because fucking now I have two points gone instead of one. It's okay. Hey, it's okay. We're going to give the people what they want, you guys. The fight's going to happen here. Don't worry. We don't have weapons. No, we're not going to fight. We got this. There you... Oh. Oh. That is a crit miss. That's a 13. Okay, so... That's not a crit miss. I'm fucking stupid. Never mind. Yeah, I read the modifier. I'm dumb. That's totally a failure. That's not... So he kind of snorts this way. Bah! He's starting to just dismiss your argument openly.

We have our own problems. I don't have time to go to war. Malchus. Pitch it to me. Well, Ynward has to defer to you first. I'm trying to think how I respond to that. Bring Malchus into it. Say, "Maybe my tiefling friend could explain better." Or don't say "friend." Malchus steps up beside him and says, "My Dn-word, if I could." I'm going to let my advisor, Malchus, try to speak with you for a moment, if that's okay. He nods his head, but he just kind of gives a snort. He's looking at Malchus. And Malchus is like, "I'm going to get you." And he's looking at Malchus and towers over him.

This guy's got a big intimidating presence about him. This guy's alpha male. That's his job there. He's on top for a reason. The Warforged of Overwatch will not stop with Winterhaven. And they'll only be emboldened by their success there. They want nothing less than total domination of the entire continent. You could have great glory. Your deeds could be heard far and wide if you fight in this battle, in front of all the other races on the continent. They will know that you are as mighty as you and I know you are. Go ahead and roll. That's not really a bluff check.

That's diplomacy. It's true, I think. It's a better way to gain or now. Yeah, it's not really bullshitting him. Yeah, diplomacy. Bluff is a totally 'nother way you can go. I'm just letting you know. Malchus should bluff. Or intimidate. Malchus should bluff. I have an 8 in Timidate. Now wait, before Malchus rolls, does anyone want to assist? He has a +10. We're good. Okay. Good luck. Hey! That's a success. He's kind of considering it. He's kind of... He's got this... He looks like an older Minotaur. He's kind of got this graying puffed of fur under his chin. Kind of the Minotaur equivalent of a beard.

And he's kind of stroking that with his paw. My people are on the brink of civil war. How long could we wait? When would you need our assistance? Weeks? Do we have a time frame? Yeah. You have a loose time frame. Heal them. Malchus... Unfortunately I don't see any other way than to shoot straight with him. I wish I could look by you guys. I wish. Seconds. Right this minute. Let's diverge for a moment. What's the nature of the war? What's dividing your people? So instead of... Okay, you want to ask specifically about that. It's like in Mass Effect when they give you the options to move the conversation forward or the options that clarify.

Or you can push out the window. Or I can just hit the renegade trigger. So he's... Okay, so you're asking just about what the nature of their beef is with each other. Yeah. Okay. Years ago my brother was murdered. I take no ill will against the people who did it. It had to be done. He had gone insane. I was supposed to step down a few years ago. It was my time. But the only other likely candidate was my brother's son. If he were to take the reins, he would march on every territory south of here. He wishes to build a new Minotaur civilization. We would be no better than the warforged.

Is this the part where Yennard switches sides after he hears that? He's driven. He's inspired to join up with them. There is one more candidate. The planet fires now. So he doesn't know... First of all, he doesn't know that you were the guys who murdered his brother. He doesn't know that that's you. That axe is a good indicator. He does know that you're holding his weapon. You have his axe. Oh, I am holding it. Okay, good to know. No, no, no. You were holding it up until... Are the guards still in the room? They're back by the door. They're making sure that you don't say "fleas." Okay, because when they found the axe, they asked where it got it.

Yennard said that he took it off of him after he killed him. So they know. Would they speak up at this point and inform him? Unless they're spoken to, their job is just to stand there. I never said the words "kill." I said, "Where'd you get this ask?" And I said, "Off the youngest dark-snowed horse." That's true. So Larys is kind of holding this axe, and it's almost puny in his hand. It's almost kind of like... It's still a fine weapon, but he's got some massive hands. My question would be, how did you get his weapon? That's why I tell the truth. He said he didn't have no ill will.

He said he didn't have the same. He might as well. Well, I'd like to step forward. I am the man that put a stop to your brother. You killed Telros. Yes, I did. You're a little puny, aren't you? Subjective. Did he at least die with honor? Did he face you in single combat? Absolutely. No, it was him and his men versus me and mine. Coward! He hands the axe back to you. I accept it graciously. I give him a little horn nod. That's a minotaur thing. He'll get it. He's... Sorry. He said, "You've earned this in battle. It's yours to keep." Thank you. "But the situation still remains.

I can't dedicate any forces to your cause. I still don't have any reason to help out the humans or elves to the south." Malchus. I hate to propose additional fratricide, but were this upstart put out of the equation, would you have fewer burdens and be able to commit? You're suggesting you deal with him. I'm suggesting... If only it were that easy. I'm suggesting we unite your people, whatever it takes. I have no other likely heir. The people know that it's time for me to step down. But with him still clinging to the shred of power he has, I'm afraid I can't do that.

If he were to be eliminated... Wow. I have no love for him. He's been nothing but a thorn in my side for years. He's blood hungry, nothing more. An animal. Unfortunately, I honestly don't think you could deal with the situation. I'd like to step forward. If I can deliver his axe to your hands, do I have your assistance? And he considers it and then outstretches his paw to you. I'm shaking. Okay. Real quick, sorry if I coughed a little bit, but mine comes. Oh, you're fine. I had to mute it, so... Make sure to collect your weapons from the chest downstairs. In all likelihood, I will not see you again.

On the off chance you do return with his weapon, I will be in your debt. Would Yenward be a suitable heir if we succeed? Would my ears perk up? Oh, no. I mean, he would have certainly proven his might. You said yourself that you are aging. You need someone to whom you can trust your people. Puff my chest out a little bit. If you were to give him an honorable demise, face him in singles combat. Give him the opportunity. Then I would consider it yes. Keep that in mind. Speak with the guards outside. They'll tell you everything you need to know. That raises the stakes a little bit.

He doesn't have to know that we've ganged on him. In the best conceivable way. Now we don't have to depend on anyone else to not get mad at us to lose this army. That's right. If Yenward's the ruler, we've got this army squared away. That's true. That is true. And let me make this clear. Having the minotaurs on your side is a good thing. Yeah. Just picture an army of Yenwards. And really, it sounds like, unless I misunderstood, that if Yenward bests him in battle one on one, then Yenward may become heir apparent to the throne. However, to get the army on our side, all we have to do is beat him, right?

Yes. Okay. So we could start off with the Yenward doing it one on one if things start to go south. If I'm losing. Jump in, yeah. Right. Or he said fight him one on one. He didn't say nothing about me getting healed by my healer. Well then it's not one on one though. That's not one on one. Shut up! Yes it is. One on one. You got five potions, man. You can do this. Yeah, you got five potions on you. You're right, I do. And everyone needs to lend me their potions when we do their... You're the only one in the party with potions. Yeah. Some people have water. No, that's gone too.

He used it. On Nathaniel. Alright, here's what's gonna happen, guys. Yenward's gonna become king, that's what's gonna fucking happen. So, well, we'll see. Does anyone wanna take a break before we move on to... I guess this would be your boss battle for the evening. We have plenty of time to do it. We got... So, it's up to you. I'm good. We've been standing at this map now for three hours so we can actually... You are... You're gonna fight! I'm gonna fight. Yeah, if we could take five. I have to take my pills real quick, so... Go ahead, take your pills, take your pills.

Thank you. I'm still... No problem. I give you permission to take your medication. You're allowed to do that. You're allowed to keep living. Now, Tom, not a lot of pressure, but like... You can't fuck this up. I got this. I break shit, that's what I do. I can't even imagine you having a fucking army. What? You mean, uh, Yenward Spire and all of the, uh... The Yenward troops? Oh, God. As I like to ask... If he wins this and becomes king, we're gonna hear about this every fucking episode. Yes, yes. He's gonna hear it. I'm gonna change their name from the Darkhooves to the Royal Yenward Guard.

So, when it's every fucking episode, let me paint a picture here of what you're about to... Okay. This guy is basically a rabid animal. He is a bloodthirsty, like, just... Conan the Barbarian on crack. This guy just wants to prove himself in battle and they don't have anything to fight. The only thing they have to fight are the Warforged and each other. They can't march. He's not in command, so he can't march on Winterhaven. He can't march on any human settlements or any elves. There's no reason to do any of that. So he's just got all this rage and temper and the only thing he can do is direct that into taking the throne.

That's all he can do. It's impotent rage at its finest. So, this guy wants to hit something and he's a big fucker, so... Me too. Mm-hmm. That's true. You definitely have dailies. You're gonna get your ass kicked. [laughs] This is what I'm gonna do. 'Cause I want to send somebody ahead for Ian to be waiting for us out front. And I want to arrive with an enclave of minotaur. I told you. I want them carrying me on a throne, you know, those thrones with the sticks. And we're just gonna roll up on Ian like, "What, son?" It's never gonna end. It will never end. No, but I just want to be like, "Look what I got.

What?" So, Genward did good. Mommy did good. What? Tom flopping his dick on the table. Exactly. Dude, it is the biggest dick in this area. He will fuck you with minotaur. Fuck you if you want to. Like, "Oh, yeah, you got that big kill, Tyler. Did you know that I'm king of the minotaurs?" [laughs] Did you know I'm Lord Minotaur, Tyler? Genward the God. They erected, like, four statues of me yesterday. That was great diplomacy. Did you know I'm ruler of the minotaurs now? I have an army named after me. The Genward Royal Guard. Have you met them? You've become acquainted with the Genward Royal Guard.

I own land now. Did you know that? I have a tower named after me. It's pretty great. We were talking about Titan Tower earlier, and I'm about to be in the ownership of one. [laughs] So, Alanna's just joining the chat again. Everyone catch Alanna up on what's about to happen, 'cause this is pretty awesome. I'll put the flopping dick on the table. Tell him what's at stake. I'm gonna pee. Okay, I'm about to take on the brother of the aging silverback minotaur, and he hates his brother, so if I kill his brother, I'm the new king. It's not his brother, it's his nephew.

Nephew. If I kill his nephew. I already killed his brother. Hey, technically, that was me. Technically. Technically you didn't kill him. Yeah, technically it was me, but I didn't want to step up. That would've been a bad move. Chopping down that family tree with Storm Rider. You already said you were puny. Chuck, Chuck, Chuck. Fucking shit up. You probably should've done a bluff check with that. I killed him. Shh, I totally got away with that one. I know, I was like, "Eh, I don't know about them." Alright, are we all bad? What are we done talking about? We don't talk about group 1, even though...

We don't talk about suppositories on group 2. I'm just throwing that out there. It's the classier of the group. It's the less interesting. No fun in that, yeah. It's... I don't know about less interesting. It's less infighty? There's that. Hey, we're not fighting about suppositories, though. Not yet. You mean group Milk Toast? It's the choice of a new generation. Aww, see? That's the right responsibility for the actions of group 2. It's gonna be equally as cool when Galford's king of the gnomes. Right. I could be king of the gnomes if I just walk up and say, "Hey, I'm king now." Don't be like, "Go, Gelford." Really?

Is that the impression you get from the gnomes you've met so far? That's how it works. It depends on who's next. They're not like minotaurs. Oh, God. I wish that we could get a crossover thing going. We have to play to do that, though, so this is a good start. This is an excellent start. They do bring up a good point, though. Group 2 has late. Group 2 does have late. It's true. At least it's fun. I don't know about that Danielle girl. You know what I knew. This is being edited, right? Yeah, sure. Okay, Lumpy Honker. Lumpy Honker is the new champion of this. That's good.

I like how it's Lumpy Honker 751, as if there was already 750 Lumpy Honkers. It's an in-demand name. I have a question. I like just looking at his circle and your circle, standing next to each other. I ain't scared. I got a question. Go ahead. So, say the other group had to take on those other four minotaurs, and somebody just made sure they stood next to me the whole time, would I get combat advantage? Well, if you challenge into one-on-one combat, that's what it is. Okay, they're not going to step in. They're not going to step in. It has to be clearly, yeah, because they see you encroaching, and then it's combat right off the bat.

You are all outsiders, and he's probably going to know you were sent here for that specific task. So, yeah. But, yeah, that has to be something that has to be called out right away, if you're going to try that. Well, I... Wait, wait, wait. Interesting connection here. He's the nephew of Telros, right? Yes. Well, no, he's the son of Telros. He's the nephew of the... Laryx. So, I killed his dad. I would like to start this by dropping dads and acts in front of him. Oh, just like chuck it out there in front of him? Yeah. Okay. Does it matter where we stand? Uh, very much so.

So, you guys will be coming into the entrance of this place, so you guys can plop yourself somewhere right in this area. Could I start this off? If I instead of dropping it, if I threw it at him, would I just get a jump on him and get a little bit of damage? So, are you... You're trying to cheap shot the fuck out of this guy, aren't you? You are trying to cheap shot the fuck out of him. Okay, what you're saying is like, "I'm here to fight you!" No, it'll be cooler if I just drop it at his feet and get in his face. Okay, he takes it, then he hits you with it.

He wanted to give him an honorable death, I'm not going to throw an axe at his back. Oh, shit, yeah, you should come in and drop it like it's a mic and then pull out Storm Render and be like, "Yeah, I don't even need it." Fuck your bitch-ass dad's weapons. Get your dad's shit and just throw it on the ground. Oh, give it to him! Oh, man! Is the official plan that we're going to lay low unless he starts getting into trouble and then we're going to jump in? Unless you want him to die, you might as well, yeah, I guess so. Let's do it. So is this a Rocky Force?

Is he... Don't you throw him that towel, that kind of thing? Is he hanging onto the last second? What's the plan here? Dude, if I'm knocked unconscious, save me. Dude has five fucking potions. If it gets down to the point where he's unconscious after having five potions, then yeah. Well, that's how much the potions heal him for. Here's the thing, isn't drinking a potion a standard action? So he would have to lose his attack on any action where he drank one. No, drinking a potion is minor. Minor? Okay. I couldn't really say. I'll double check, but I'm pretty sure it's a minor.

In case anybody took that seriously, I was just picking on Rocky. We're friends. Every once in a while you gotta hit someone from group two and then go, "Oh, we're fine. We're not really beefing. It's fine." Dude, they take shots at us all the time, so... How would you know? You don't listen. We gotta build up the fight. We gotta build up the fight. Come on, now. Why is there a fight? Jason, why play die? Because it's a good show. You should listen. I like group two. They got a lot of heart. It's real cute what they're trying to do. It's fine, okay? Let me say this.

If they pull off what they were talking to me about trying, there may be a definite shift in power. They do seem to work together a lot better than we do. They got goals, and if they set out to accomplish those goals, then we don't set goals. We got goals? Come on. We got goals? Saving the world, motherfucker. You know what I just heard you say? They're thinkers. We're doers. Ooh. Ouch. Let's see how well you do this. So, everyone on the board. Is Justin back? I don't know. Yeah, I've been back inside this entire time. Okay, well then, put your character in this area.

I will not do such a thing. I muted all my sounds, but it's still making sounds. Can you hear those? Yeah. I can't hear them, but mine does the same thing. Where do you want me? Only with us. Yeah, with the rest of the party. Stand back. Oh, after all, I need you to first. Well, say what you're... I mean, how are you going to handle this? You're challenging them to one-on-one combat, correct? Yeah. Okay. I didn't know if you were doing the sucker punch route. No, I'm walking off. Boy. So, let's put you right here. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. You a soccer hooligan? Got my Yanward scarf on.

Yanward United. Yeah, the rest of us are back. Ole, ole, ole, ole. This guy's big. He is a large individual. So, Cradle Darkhoof doesn't use any weapons. It's just his bare hands. It's a little slippery. It sounds like the beginning of a Chuck Norris joke. It is not. This guy is just a rabid animal. So, you're walking into this hideout he has, this cave. He kind of feels better underground. And what are you saying to him as you guys walk through? Because everyone tenses up. All his fellow minotaurs there, the few guys he's got in his posse that are kind of like, "This guy should be fucking king.

He's going to take us into the new millennium, guys. He's going to lead us there." So, they've got their weapons at the ready and you come strutting in. So, what is your opening gambit here? First, I would like to lay the axe down between us and give him a chance if he would like to rebut. You can see it in his eyes. He definitely recognizes that. He lowers his head and looks at it and then he looks back at you. You can see him tense up like he's getting ready to do something. He just kind of snorts. Just...like it's that...when you see someone exhale when it's cold, something like that, it's like that.

But it's just almost like steam coming out of his nose. My next action, I'd like to draw my axe and then motion you and me. And he just kind of quickly nods his head. So, roll initiative. Oh, man. Those minotaurs are terse. Okay. Doesn't matter, there's two of us. Whatever. Right. I mean, it's...yeah, so you got a nine, Yennward. I sure did. I forgot to add my one because I was fast. I need to roll again. You don't get that for initiative. You sure? I think you did. I'm pretty sure. I'm fairly... Twenty-six. No, you rolled a nine. That was your initiative. I just inputted it for you.

I don't care. It's the best. It says GM, the bar 9, 8, 9, 9 rolls initiative, nine. This is true. It does say that, but that was your initiative. So, we got to roll again. No, we don't. Oh, that means I won and you deferred. Awesome. How much gold do we win? Just play the damn game. Yeah, here we go. Just let me have this. Oh, you're gonna get it. If you win, you're gonna have everything. So, he lowers his head and just charges straight for you. Hold on. Hold on. I'd like to do an acrobatics charge. For what? Wait, it's not your turn. To jump out of the way of his charge.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That's not how this is gonna go. You're cheating. I'm pretty sure I'm following the rules in the book. You're making up some new ones that I've never heard of. Let me dive out the way, Jason. It'll be cool. He's not... Okay, so he gets to you and he... On the way, he's kind of... He's got these big mitts. And he doesn't trim his nails or anything. So, it's just these talons. So, as he's running, it looks like his hand's going down in a scooping motion. And he's going to raise his claws up and try to rake your face with them. So, that is a D20+16. 19 versus AC.

That's gonna miss. Yes, it would. And I would like to start off with Bone Crusher. That is an excellent, excellent place to start. Let me check that off. It does. That's gonna hit 34, ladies and gentlemen. So, go ahead and roll damage. And he is vulnerable to... We saw how well this worked in the last fight. Vulnerable to 10 weapon... Yeah, vulnerable 10 to weapon attacks. Save enemies. Oh, you're gonna ruin this guy, Tom. I don't know. Starts the show with a Shimmer Stopper. I don't know. Oh! Damn. Holy shit. Shit. 49 damage. You strike the shit out of him with your axe.

And that's with a 1. There's a 1 in there and he's still got 49. I want to recap this scene. I basically threw the axe down. Killed your dad. He ran up on me. Missed. And I just fucking nailed him. Yeah, you... Oh wait, no. People can see it. You guys are in the chat. Yeah, you can see it. It's 1-10-4-8-8-10. Yeah, that's a lot of... Matt Agnes. Yes, that's a lot. Wow. Okay. Well, shit. So, you just kind of flexed him down in front of his boys a little bit. So that's not gonna stand. I'd like to snort and puff my chest out and look at him like, "You should be fine." We're chanting "Fuck 'em up, Tom." I mean, sorry.

Yeah, word's gonna kill. I'm sorry, that sounds awesome. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Oh, no one's gonna get that. We're just intimidatingly polishing up a pike behind him. Yeah. Polishing a crown. He's gonna try and grab you. So he's just gonna reach both mitts out and just try and grab you. So that's his Strength modifier. So I hit him, so he is marked by me. Yes. That's okay, I just wanted to point that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think even if you don't hit them, they're marked until the beginning of your next turn, I believe. Just the fact that you're attacking them.

Like, you're enough of a threat that, like, "I better pay attention to that." So don't you go nowhere. 26. So that's versus your Reflex. So you are grabbed. You're grabbed. Yeah. So he's got you now. So that's... And your turn, go ahead. So all that means is that you're immobilized. You can still attack, you can still do all that stuff. Or you can just try to... Oh! Sorry, let me roll a Flight D20 to see if that... See if I can shake that off. And, okay, he's no longer... The weapon vulnerability thing doesn't apply. Really? Yeah. So he shakes that off right away.

So your turn. Okay. So my next move since that didn't work is going to be... I'm gonna crack his shell. Okay. Yenrit is designed as this boss fight monster, basically. That's what you... Like, you are designed specifically for boss fights. All of your dailies. That hits. 28. That versus what? AC. AC, that'll hit. Yes it does. Crack 'em! Before D10, plus 8. 36. Jesus! Heavy setup. And he will take an ongoing 5 damage and a -2 penalty to AC until he has... until he saves both. Okay, hold on a second. Save ends both. So he has to roll 1 and then... -2 to AC you said? Yes.

And a -5 damage penalty or attack penalty? Damage. Okay, that's what it is. Are you scared of you? He'll shake that shit off, I think. He's pretty tough. Alright, so, Krabel's turn. He is going to use Impale. So, you're grabbed by this guy. Yes. He is going to, like, lift you above his head and then ram you into his horns. Mm. That's pretty cool. Do I get to do that one day? I don't know, maybe. 31 versus your AC. Yes! So this is 5d8 plus 13. 35. Okay. I have a lot of health. I can take it. Is he stuck on his horns now, though? No, no, no. He pulls - he pulls Yenward off and then throws him down in the dirt.

Gotcha. It's like this total disrespect. No longer grabbed. No longer grabbed, but you are prone. Yenward, your turn. Okay, so, uh, I have to use my Miner action to get up, right? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to do that. And then I'm going to use Brute Strike. Well, that's your move action, not your Miner. Okay, alright, I did that. Yeah. Uh, well, then my Miner - how many potions do I have again? You have five. Five. Pop one of those. Okay. Okay, so, you are popping a heal potion. That's flat 10. So you're going to recover 10 hit points. Just give me a little cushion. Alright, so, uh, let me - That's not the end of my turn, is it?

No, no, no, no. I am going to take one of these away from you, though. I gotta keep track of that. Oh, okay. As soon as you pop a healing potion, this dude is just going to start just cackling at you. Ha! Weakling! You need a heal while you're battling? Hell yeah! I'm going to lift my axe up to hit him again. Uh, okay, what are you - whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you using? What is that? Brute Strike. Okay, see, normally I'd like to know before you - He said it. He said it. I didn't hear that. Yeah, he said it before he took the potion.

Okay, that's fine. That's fine. Brute Strike. So that will hit. So that is 6d10 plus 8. Jesus Christ! Oh, I thought I missed. That's right, he has a penalty. Make him bleed. 6d10? Oh, wait, that's - okay, that's enough. You are running out of - you're running out of dailies there. That's fine because my regular ones do a lot too. Oh, shit! Reek! Okay. He's got to be bleeding. And then techno music starts playing. He is bloodied. There it is! So he's gonna - After every time I hit him, I puff my chest out a little more and just look at his voice like - That's it, taunt him.

Piss him off. Dude, you guys will jump in if they try anything. Sure we will, Captain. Yeah, we are your servants, right? Sure are. So he swings at you and does this real big flexy disrespectful thing. You stand up, pop a healing potion in the middle of this fight, which is hugely disrespectful. You're spitting on this sacred thing of combat. You're a coward in his eyes. And not only do you do that, but you revel in it. It's like, "Fuck yeah, bitch!" And then you hit him again. So he stumbles back and as a result of him being bloody, he is going to - He's gonna get a free swing at you.

Isn't that fair? Why? That doesn't seem fair. That's not fair. You're fucking - All the bosses have gotten a free swing when they've gotten bloodied. They have? This really isn't anything new. A lot of them have some sort of triggered - You know what? You can have it. I'll pop another potion. I was about to say, pop another potion. You're cool. He's gonna use Double Claw Strike, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. D20+16. 20 is gonna miss. And then another one, 28. So one of them will hit, one of them will miss. So the damage is just 2d6+5, so it's 50 damage.

I would like, since he is attacking, he has to take 5 damage. I don't care if it was a trigger or not. It's one of his turns. He didn't save that yet. Wait, wait, wait, let me see. Crack the show. Is it a -5 to his attack? He should be dropping out. One second. I just want to make sure. Ongoing 5 damage. Okay, I took that as something else. And target takes ongoing 5 damage and - Okay, so the ongoing only happens on his turn. That was a triggered event, so that's not - That's not what's his turn, so he does take 5 damage. So there you go. So now that it's his turn, he is going to - He's gonna grab you again, or try to. 21 versus your reflex.

He got it. Okay, so you are grabbed again, so you're immobilized. And it is - oh, wait. Let me do a saving roll for him. Okay, he shook those effects off. He's really good at that. Didn't Tom say though, specifically in his move, said that it had to be multiple saving rolls for each effect? I just read it, it doesn't. It saves both. Yeah, it saves both. Oh, that was for the first one that missed. Yeah, Yenward, your turn. Okey-dokey. With my - am I immobilized? That means I can't use my potion? Well, no, that just means you can't move. Okay, my interaction, I'd like to pop one of them potions.

I'm hoping this isn't secretly invalidating your claim to the throne. It's not. Nobody can see it. It's not! I love it! This is one-on-one. Otherwise, we may have to leave no survivors here. This is clearly one-on-one. That's all he has for now. It is true. Technically it's true. You popping a potion, you can tell that his boys are getting - like, that's bullshit. Like, you are - That's like, "Oh, time out, time out!" That's the most pussy thing you can do to these guys. Like, they fucking hate you. You are a villain. I would like my teammates to remind them that they can be next if they'd like - And your teammates say nothing.

Go ahead, what would you like to do here? What attack would you like to move? Spinning Sweep. Wait, no, no, no, no. That's not the one I want. Reckless Strike is the one I want. Jesus Christ, alright. 'Cause that one hits harder. That hits. 27 versus AC, that'll hit. Yes it will. I think he's missed yet. Nope. I haven't. 60, 10 plus 8. This is ridiculous. This is gonna be great. I feel it, here it comes. Boom. 49 damage to Creval. He's still standing. No way. And it is his turn - You didn't give me my health for my potion, sir. You're correct, I didn't. So I'll take care of that now.

I believe I should get 15 for your error. No, I do not think that is true. I appreciate you trying to get everything you can, though. You are grabbed. He is going to use Impale again. No. That's impossible. Impale again? Is that a sequel to Impale? Yes. The Reckoning. 33. Against... Like it fucking matters. Your mom. Oh, against my mom? You say he misses. You're like double sassy to me. Sorry. 5d8 plus 13. Dirty damage. So you are bloodied. You gotta pop two of them postcards. I have a thing that I can't read. But it's called Bloody Determination. Bloody Determination.

Where is this? It's one of my red memes. Okay, so it's an encounter. Bloody Determination. Huh. Let me look it up real quick. You can't read it? What do you mean? It's not on the table for some reason. It didn't fill in. So I gotta go actually check this shit manually. Sorry, please. No, no, no. That's fine. I'm gonna look at some of my other powers I've never used. It didn't work. If you need us, say blue. Okay? I take that as a sign of weakness now. You're looking for any port in a store, man. You're looking any way out of this. Hey, you're doing good, kid. You're doing good.

I am. I think he loves you. Good job, kid. Don't get cocky. I have no idea how he hasn't died yet, but... Can somebody explain this to me? I have a move called Unstoppable. It says you gain temporary hit points equal to 2d6 plus your Constitution modifier. As my minor. Would that be better than using a potion? Yes, because... Yes? Temporary hit points are just like real hit points that go away at the end of battle. So you may as well use those, these permanent ones. Okay, then I'm gonna use that at the top of my turn. Is that a minor? Jesus. Yes it is. Okay, hold on.

Bloody determination is, while you're bloodied, if you miss with an attack, you get to reroll the attack roll. Oh. Is that ongoing or is that a one-time thing? That's as long as... That's an encounter power. So that's like... I can save my minor action for until after I attack, right? Yes, you can. Okay, then I'm... We're gonna attack first. Because Yenward is broken beyond him. What's your eye? What's an eye Yenward wants to use next? Trying to pick out my next. Gotta let me know first. This one. I wanna use Bull Charge, but I'm grabbed, so I don't think that would legit...

No, you can't. Yeah. Well, no, he threw you down. You're prone. Then we... But you are adjacent, so... Then we are Bull Charged. I'm Bull Charging. Well, you're adjacent. You can't charge at someone you're standing... Oh, it doesn't say I have to be adjacent to Square. It's a charge. It doesn't say that. It says Bull Charge! But it doesn't say I have to be adjacent to Square. Jesus Christ, Tom. Do you not have enough of an edge in this fight? You've cheated, lied, and sealed. You are Eddie Guerrero. Just take it and run. Let me see the move. Hold on. You're gonna be the sleaziest king I've ever seen in my life.

Do you want me to win this or not? Exactly. Your reign has already been tainted. You can't... Oh, so... Okay, hey, Jason? Yeah? Actually, Tom's in the right on this one. Really? 'Cause that's... What? How did you do a gun? Here's the thing. At the very bottom of it, it says "Special". When charging, you may use this as a power in place of a melee basic attack. Right. That's if you're charging at somebody and you... 'Cause when you're charging, you need to do a melee basic attack. That would be in place of that. You still have to be... There has to be enough spaces in between...

There has to be at least one space in between you and someone else to charge at them. I'll just use something... Right. So what he's saying is that just because he's not charging means that he can't use it in place of a melee basic attack. But he has to use it. But, like, if it meant that it was charging the rules regardless of how it was used, it would have said "Perform a charge" and then modify it. I still think that's bullshit. I'll allow it, but that sounds bullshit. That sounds like that's just... Basically, I'm gonna duck my head down and just kinda...

Sounds like cheating the system. If you look at "Goring Charge", it says "You charge and make the following attack." Right. "Charge" doesn't say "You charge." I'm hearing you. I... Go ahead. Thank you, Jason. I... I... I'm not trying... If I miss, I get to roll again. That's true. That is true. That's just one encounter power, isn't it? Like, you can't do that every time. Well, go ahead. Shugga-shugga-shugga. 24. That's versus... Fortitude? This is versus... What is it? Versus... Fortitude. Fortitude, yeah. That's gonna miss. Okay. I need to roll again. Hold on. Hold on. When you miss with an at-will attack power, you... when you're bloodied, so you do not get to roll again.

Jason's correct on this one. Oh, you should have told me that before I did it, Jason. You fucked me. I... That wouldn't have changed the outcome of the dice roll, would it? Yeah, it would, because I would have picked a different attack that I could have used again. Does he still get to do the secondary? There's a secondary attack, too. What secondary attack? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. All those temporary health... Temporary attack charges. It says there's a secondary attack. That would be... That would be a reaction of you hitting someone, because that's...

He has to hit to get that secondary. Yeah. Because that's knocking someone prone. That would be a reaction to... Can you do the temp... temp hit points? Yes. You're cheating me. I'm cheating you. That should have been my... That would have been it. Whatever. Where's my Unstoppable? 2d6? Shut up, Tyler. Oh, man. This isn't a boss fight so much as two lawyers going at it. Someone's just salty today. He is. Rough on my constitution. There it is. 18. What's happening? You gotta let... Let me know. I told you I'm using my power, Unstoppable, to gain temporary hit points. You mean temporary hit points equal to...

Okay. Yep. That's a daily power, so that is your choice. You can do that. Chugga-chugga-chugga. Nice. Very nice. No. Whoa, no. Yes. What? It's your constitution modifier. Hey, my constitution is 18. And your modifier... Your modifier, Tom! Oh, that's... Okay, see, I don't know what that means. Oh, now you don't speak English? You don't speak English now? Okay. It's not cheating if you didn't know. Come on, now. So what am I rolling? The 4? No, you're fine. You're fine. I'll just take the 7 and 4, so that's 11. You gain 11 hit points. Okay. Oh, man. Yeah, I got it. Oh, no, man.

You better pop a potion. That was more than a potion. Well, that was his miner. Yeah, that was his... Shit. It was more than a potion, so it was worth it. Yeah. Yeah, he's still... 37's pretty low. Okay, so he's gonna use the... Okay, he's gonna use the double claws again. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Somebody's telling me to pop an action point. You already said that you were doing your turn. So what? Popping my action point. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It's like in chess. You took your hand off the piece. If you can go backwards, DM, as you've done in this play, I can't.

What? When did I go backwards? You did. When? No, no, no. If you name an instance... Hold on, hold on. If you name the instance where I went backwards, I'll concede. Somebody help me out, 'cause he did it. Oh, yeah. When we were rolling initiative, you rolled a 9, and you were like, "Nope, nope, that's not it." No, that was your initiative. That's not your initiative. That's just how it works. I'm being honest. I'm not gonna lie. None of us are gonna even respect your victory if you keep bitching like this. Just calm down and take the hit. Fine, I'll take whatever.

All right, all right. Here we go. Two attack rolls. Take it like a champ. Relax. Relax. 21 versus your AC. Miss. See? Good job. And 18 versus your AC. See? How hollow does that feel, Tom? Good job. Feels really great. I hope it feels fucking hollow. I hope it feels hollow like balsa wood. Tom, use reckless strike. It's nice. Reckless? I've already used it. You've already used it. Oh, it's not. It wasn't checked. Great. Give him another thing before, "Wools don't check." I don't wanna hear his vagina belch at me anymore. Oh, shut up, Jason. Off of you. Fucking Nancy. He's still crying, Tom.

Shut up. That's what your teammate's telling you to stop. Christ. All you stand in the back where you're supposed to be, okay? Okay, fine. Wow. Whoa. King has spoken. Man. Don't you have to get ready for work, Tyler? I can do this all night if you want to start with me. Let's go. Oh, my God. Go on. Stop playing at even throwing insults at you. You're just... I'm just playing. Man, you could say you're just playing, but there's some vitriol behind that. Yinward's gonna be the next fucking Carter. I'm calling it right now. Jesus. 25. Okay, relax. What's the move? What's the move, Tom?

A reaping strike. Yeah, sure. Whatever's biggest. That's what I did. To be fair, spinnings. No, 'cause if I miss that one, I won't get to try again, and I'm doing it. See, that's what he's... Yeah, okay, fine. So that is a 25 versus AC? Yes. Yeah, that hits. Yes. Daddy hitting him at the dinner table. Got real quiet. Tom, don't take your hand off the piece yet. My hand's not off the piece. I'm waiting to see if he's dead. I'm just typing my spice into the chat now. What do you want to do now, Yinward? No, is he dead? No, he's not. Okay, then I would like to pop an action point and hit him again.

Pop a potion. Potion, potion. I can use my potion as a minor action. Yeah, but he shouldn't have done it on the first turn because then he could do two potions instead of just one. No, you can't. 'Cause if he pops an action point, he could have, right? No, he gets an extra... Man, you motherfuckers. It's a main action point. Yeah, you get an extra standard action. See, I'm not the only one. I don't know the rules. Jason's the first time I've ever played Dungeons and Dragons. Don't get mad at me. That's it. I'm rolling. You've been on this show for eight years.

Jason, I rolled a 14. What do I get? You don't even have a wrestling show to fucking get in the way anymore. Like, it's just this show. How much do I get? Justin, you get it all. God damn it. Fucking it. What are we doing here, dude? I won. Tom, okay. You're popping an action point. Yes. And you're doing what? I am using Reaping Strike once again. Okay. So, you hit this guy and you're just chopping at him like a tree at this point. And the closest, one of the minotaurs closest to him motions forward. And Krabble kind of puts his hand up and has a motion back. And put his hands like shaking and weak and all fucked up.

And the minotaur kind of like bites at his own. Like he's just... Like he wants to hit you in the worst way and he's not. Go ahead. Chugga chugga. 30. Oh! 30 will hit. End his life. Is it safe to say this is going to be the one to end it? I'm not telling you that. Okay. 23. He told you. How are you swinging at him? Uh... Throw it at him. Throw it at his head. He's standing next to me. I know, it's awesome. Just to grab his dad's axe and kill him with his dad's axe would be awesome. No, because then it's weaker. So he has to change the roll. What do you mean how am I swinging at him?

Like how are you... Is it a side chop? A downward thing? Because more than likely you killed him. How are you killing him? I'd like to behead him. That's... This dude's got a big thick neck. So that's gonna be... Then I'm just buried as well. Okay. That is totally doable. But before, if I'm definitely killing him, it's like you look a lot like your dad. *laughs* You are a villain. I know. And also all these other minotaurs around you can hear you right now. I want them to hear me. I shouted it. So... Okay. Oh my god. You and... Okay. Wow. Okay. So you tell him that and then...

Just plant the edge of your axe into his forehead and he just kind of goes cross-eyed for a second and then... As blood starts pouring out of the wound he just drops to his knees and kills... Kills over. Dead. That's the sound of me pulling my axe out of his forehead. How many potions did you drink, Tom? Uh, two. You could have done that whole thing without potions. Yay! I'm gonna test that shit. I would have not if I had used one of them. He would have been out of his little mouth. Wait, no, no, no. He did use... He's got temporary hit points right now. Oh, okay.

Well, I gave it to him. Yeah, I gave it to him. Yeah, because he would have been down before the temporary hit points, so... Yeah. Wait, how much was each potion worth? Ten. Ten. Ten. So ten plus ten plus eleven is thirty-one. No, he didn't need them technically. He would have been at six hit points. Yeah. Doesn't matter. Still, one-on-one fight. That was the rules of this engagement. That's true. I gave him an honorable death. So, as soon as... as soon as... Cravel falls... Why don't I see three closer? That's not good. That's... They're moving in on Yenward. Uh, these guys aren't happy.

That's... That you've... you've... You've spit on their entire culture with... with the way you performed. Like that... Like you... First of all, you came to murder this guy, who they see as the rightful king. Their... Their rightful leader. You walk in, insult him, you murdered his father, and then... You challenge him to one-on-one combat, and then heal the entire time. So to them, you are... You are their embodiment of like the devil. Like you are the worst. You are fucking... Like whatever you could... Ball up. So these guys are just... Disgusted with you. Yeah, they're not wrong.

So they're all kind of like... They're kind of brandishing their weapons and moving in on you. Uh, like... Like, closer and closer. Like it's... It looks like they're eminently going to kick the shit out of you. How would you like to handle this? Like to delegate to Malchus? Um... Should we... Should we call them... I mean, is there a chance that we could get them to step back until we hear from the current king? Well, these guys don't respect that guy's authority anyway. That's the entire point of... And then, like, if Yenward is supposed to be taking... They don't know any of this, but let's say you go back and he says, "Okay, well, I guess I'm going to have to hand things over to you." Do you really think they're going to respect this guy's authority?

Witnessing what... Like how he came to power? My whole issue is that if we kill everyone else, then how are we supposed to prove that he did what he was supposed to do? You know what I'm saying? Like that's the issue that we're in. Was he going to double check with his enemies? Well, yeah, he wasn't going to ask them anyway, but if they went... Like, if... Like, if... Them living and spreading the rumor that you cheated... Didn't cheat. You cheated this guy out of an honorable death is definitely going to do harm, whereas they wouldn't have asked... It's like, "Oh, so how did that go?" But they will volunteer that information, "This guy's a fucking...

This guy's a paper king, a piece of shit." Like, you know, that kind of thing. So it's up to you, however you want to handle it. Guys... We're going to become monsters to save the world, aren't we? That's this campaign arc. That's what's going to happen here. That's up to your decisions. We could be the new bad guys, come on. Well, look at this way. We might not get the minotaurs if we don't end these guys. Gotta do it. We could try the diplomacy or intimidate route first. Like, you know. Sure. Malkus will try and intimidate, check. Who else? Okay, so Malkus is strutting forward and he's going to say what?

First of all, he's going to say... Oh, wait, that'll be Yinward's character sheet. That's why I can't see my stuff. What about a minotaur? And suddenly a minotaur. That's a good bluff check. Um... whoa, that is too many pluses. Okay. D20+15. He's going to say... Even with him wounded, there are five of us and four of you. I suggest you back down. I'm a script. Wow, okay. 25. So that will work. They're going to back down. But they still think you're a tremendous piece of shit. Yeah, like, I don't know how... I mean, these guys are going to know, like, what went down.

Yeah, but like Jason said, it's not like their word is worth much. True. I have something to say. Yes, sir. We do have a priest that can res people. That's a lot of... Yeah, and I would have to give up a lot to resurrect an enemy. I mean, that's... That's your butt opportunity, isn't it? The whole resing situation, that's a... We came to an agreement, but I would have to give up a ton to resurrect this piece of shit. We don't bring this guy back, man. Now which was the piece of shit? Him or him? Well, good point. How am I a piece of shit? I think you did fantastic.

Thank you, Draconis. That's another mage saying that. My man. They're disenfranchised with the leadership that they currently have. You've killed the only thing that they... They consider this to be a true leader. They just throw down their weapons. So, Sword acts as you just hear clattering in this echoey cave. And they're going to start marching for the door, and the one minotaur that's closest to Crevalle's body... He's just going to shout at Yennward, "You disgust me! You're a coward!" And they're just going to start strutting off. Can we collect all their weapons and everything they threw down?

Wait, wait. Do we let them go? That's up to you. Is letting them go going to be a problem? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I invite nobody. Right now. Now wait a second. You say how pissed they are. And right when I hear they go strutting off, I'm thinking Saturday Night Fever. They fix their collar and they just start strutting off out of the cave. Now, you know what situation we have here? I just want to lay out the scene. We have some potential snitches who just turned their backs on us and abandoned their armaments. Okay, let me explain something to you, Yennward.

Right now, we came in. If these people survive, regardless of what they say, it will show that it was one-on-one. If we kill these minotaurs right now, it's going to look like it was a group battle. And no one's going to believe that you went in and beat this guy by himself. If we let them go, you may not have the best reputation, but you still have a chance of being king. That's how I look at it. Also, we become murderers at this point if we just slaughter them wholesale. Alright, but you're okay. I mean, if you want to give up being king and you want us, you know.

Because like I said, if we leave a room full of dead bodies, it's going to look like we came in here as a posse and just took them out. The rule was you had to take them out one-on-one, and that would be unquestionable if they walk away alive. I mean, here's the thing. Tom, they're going to go around and say awful things about you. But if you endure that, you're Batman. Okay, I'll be Batman. It didn't take long for you to be bloodthirsty trying to kill everybody that knows stuff about you. Here's the thing. No witnesses, guys. What am I delivering? Bring the hat.

I hack a horn off. The axe. You said you were going to drop his axe on his... He doesn't have... I mean, you can just cut off his head. Yeah, I think we need a head for proper dental records. I'm beheading. So you raise your axe over this guy. Wait, no, I would like for his friends to not be witnesses. Wow, you heartless. I said I'd like them not to be witnesses. Oh, I'd like to call them back into the room to make sure they see this. No, I want them to be in the room before I do this. So, okay, they've left. And it takes several sturdy, like thick chops at this thick-necked fuck to finally sever the head from the body.

And it just kind of rolls to the side with this... Just this awful, gory show. And that's probably a good time to stop for this evening. Regardless of how we feel about ourselves, I think the chat approved of Tom's adventure. That's the vibe I'm getting from reading the chat. I love all of you. They're giving me a hard time for nothing. I did good. I got us a fucking Gundam and an army of minotaurs single-handedly. I think I did pretty alright. You stole that money. The only thing I'm gonna be not feeling is you as fucking king and us hearing about it every step of the way.

You're not gonna hear about it? I'm gracious. The only thing I wonder is how I'm gonna rule and be with us. That is something you guys should have discussed before these events, perhaps. I don't know. We'll figure it out. We had this issue at one point with Thorol, too. There is such a thing as a conquering king. Minotaurs are love being nomadic warrior king servants. Roam the land. They'll be all about it. We're about to have minotaur guards. It's gonna be this shit. Well, congratulations? Dude, don't take away. I accomplished a lot in this episode. Real quick, before we leave...

Before we leave, why don't we pick up that axe that you put, Bloodletter. So that we don't want that laying around for someone else to come and pick up. I wanna say this. That fight was a lot like Rocky IV. And one of the guys going to Rocky is like, "Hey, Rock, I drugged the big Russian dude. He should be easy to fight now." And he fights him and beats the shit out of him first round knock-ass. It's a lot like Rocky IV if the Russians were throwing trash at Rocky the whole time and called him asshole. "Yo, Mick, use your magic to heal me." Rocky IV if Rocky would have just jumped out of the ring every once in a while and drank some Gatorade.

Rocky IV said a Tommy Gun during the fight. This is... I accomplished a lot. You give me my fucking brownies, god damn it. I got us a robot. I got us a country of minotaurs. You fucks. You ist-greeves. You did everything in the least honorable way possible. You're playing funny. Look, I am not gonna take away what you have coming to you. You got your feelers out for some gnomish engineers. We're not even guaranteed that they're gonna join us. No, you don't... you will be king. But that doesn't mean that any of us have to be proud of you for the way you accomplish these things.

It's wartime. It was either this or all your friends and family die. He took some health potions, but I mean, he fucking did the deed. There were other options besides this or everybody dies. I think there were other ways. You know what, I think I would have liked to have seen Rodswell take on the giant minotaur. Well, that wouldn't have been fair. Rodswell doesn't care to be king of a bunch of minotaurs, so... Can I say, thank you, I meant to put this in the last episode, but I want to say here, Rod... Just say well done so I can just have that. Look, dude, you got it coming to you.

I can't take it away. If it feels hollow to you for some reason, maybe it's because it's a little hollow. I'm not taking anything away from you. Hey, that's another name on your page, man. Look, okay, when Malkus made certain decisions and led to a huge... I mean, Malkus had to take those lumps. Rob isn't... You're right, Rob had to deal with a lot. I can shoulder a burden with Rob. That's fine. Alright, it's fair. It's not the same. It's not the same, because Rob's not king, but I am. Oh, God, I knew it. If you recall, I did nod at Malkus as one of my chief subjects.

Not that you guys are my subjects, you are all my equals no matter how powerful I get. Started at the bottom, now we here. We're moving on up. I'm going to try to pronounce Xavier's last name, but Xavier Trudeau Duchene. I believe that's how you pronounce it. It's sexy last name. It's French Canadian, I believe. He's the guy who did that fantastic animated trailer, which we are totally not going to do in fall, because that was operating on the premise that we were going to be producing episodes at the very least every other week. So we're getting to it, but yeah.

The important thing is that thing is beautiful, and he did a fantastic job. You're the man, Xavier. Oh, yeah. Drop the link in the chat, Jason. Where is it? It is on the DNR YouTube page. Hold on a second. I will grab it. It's on the site, too. On the side of the site. Yes, it's on the side of the site. Yes? Oh, yeah. Not our Facebook page, but the actual website. The site website, yep. It's everywhere, yeah. But yeah, I'll drop that in the thing. I'm a big fan of this, and he put a lot of work into it, so I want to thank him very much. I told him I was going to on the show, and I totally forgot last time, and I'm an asshole.

I'm sorry. You're the man, Xavier. I dedicate this notable kill to you, sir. God, that's got to go up on the site, too. I want to put a big old asterisk next to that, though. I really do. Is that Xavier in the chat? XJN? Is that him? There are two Xaviers. Right, but is that... Oh, it appears to be him. Yep, that's him. Xaviers de Fred. DeShane. Okay, DeShane. Don't add him. DeShane. I'm an asshole. See, I knew I'd get that wrong. I got close. There are all kinds of, like, apostrophes and shit. I'm a dumb American, so we're not used to anything. Like, if it's Fred, I can pronounce Fred.

Xavier de Fred. I got the closest. Yes! Yeah, we're putting a big old asterisk next to that kill. Why? Why? I'm not... I'm kidding. Let it be known, I killed the other motherfucker. You never killed him. That's on the site. I know, I know. I'm just saying that he keeps on... I kill, I kill, I kill this guy. We were bluffing. There's no "we". You were bluffing. I was bluffing. Thank you everyone in the chat for hanging out. I really appreciate it. Yeah. I will try to get this episode uploaded by tomorrow-ish. If not, it may be a couple days, because I've got like a 15 hour, 16 hour shift tomorrow.

Oh man. Yeah, that's where I work right now. It's busy for the next 3 or 4 months. Turkey-ish. Well good, everybody that came out, they know what happened. Exactly. So, you tune in live, you get a head start. Just don't post spoilers in the thing. Don't do that. Don't be that guy. Yeah, no King, no King-Yenward. You hear that? Yeah, I feel you. You were off my side earlier, but then you just wanted to be like the cool kids and you switched on them. That's fine. Be with all your cool friends at the cool table. Particularly our fans in Europe who stuck it out until like 4 in the morning to watch us.

That was... man, dedicated, you guys. Thanks for sticking around with the chat. Yeah, absolutely. Alina said lots of editing. Yeah. Yeah, this edit's gonna be a beast, I think. So, I'll see if I can get that done by dawn. If not, I'm gonna abandon ship and get it done probably by Wednesday. Sounds good. But thank you again, guys. It was a ton of fun and... Hey, we've got a session! Yes! We... Huzzah! And we may be having a group 2 session next week. I don't know. I think we should have another group 1 session next week. Uh, there's a line you need to queue up, sir.

You need to... I'm off next Saturday if group 2 doesn't go. See, 'cause group 2's done some back-to-back weeks before. I think they can set out one. Well, we can't like, side swipe them there. No, I'm saying if group 2 can't go, then... Yeah, exactly. They're in the queue... well, there are two days in the weekend, guys. Did you know that we could schedule... Saturday, yay! I want Saturday. I work Sunday night until like 8.30, so... I call Saturday. I think I'm available both days, so either way, I might be good. Helana says, "Glad to have you back." Thank you.

I missed you. I work six days a week. I have no idea what a weekend is. It's... yeah, dude, it's... They're talking about switching to seven-day weeks where I work. I don't want to do that. That sounds like... I hear you on that. Especially when Christmas time comes around. She just "GAY!" Oh, I gotta get ready for it. Okay, guys, take care. Thank you very much. See you later. All of you, get some rest and all that good stuff. See you. Night, everyone.