The more things change

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you're only going to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Hey, guys, this is Rob from Group 1, the voice of Malchus Grimness. First of all, thank you guys for all the support you're giving the show, the fan art you're sending in, the emails, all of the participation you guys have on the Facebook page.

If you haven't yet checked out our Facebook page, swing on over and search for the Dungeons and Randomness Podcast on Facebook. You'll find our page real quick that way. And there's lots of content for the show over there. Also, if you guys could check us out on iTunes, give us a little review. That helps us climb the ratings, and that helps get more people into this awesome Dungeons and Randomness family. Just one little thing before we take off and get ready for this Group 1 episode today. I recently published a fantasy novel. It is a high magic, high fantasy novel called Aurora Knights Loyalties.

Jason will have the link to it in the notes for the show. And if you guys could check it out, it is on Amazon Kindle for $4.99, or you can get a physical copy for $12.99 from createspace.com. It has nothing to do with the world of Theria or the characters therein. It is a thing about a group of five warriors with magical weapons who go on to defend their own world. So if that kind of thing sounds like it would appeal to you, you can check it out. And on the Kindle link, there is a short preview you can read first chapter and a half or so to see if it piques your interest.

If you could at least check that out, see if it's your thing, I'd really appreciate your support. Thanks a lot. And without further ado, another episode with Group 1. Take care. Howdy, folks. Let's do that thing where we go around the table. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, let's start with Tom. Hey, everybody. I'm Tom Rose. I play Yanward Firesong. And Dan. My name is Dan Phelps. I play Rodswell Joybatam, human war priest. He's got Justin. Justin Massey, and I play Jarek Ironhide. Jake. What's going on? Jake is the name. Played Druthmus, Dragonborn fire maid.

Tyler. I'm Tyler. I play Thorold Songsteel, human scout. Every week, I try to guess which order you're going to call our names so I never get it right. I keep it random, man. But last and certainly not least, published author Robert Weezahan, ladies and gentlemen. O-O-U. Pop culture phenomenon. Nickelodeon's own Bandana Rob, ladies and gentlemen. Well, you know, they-- oh, I got slimed. It's just-- that was my catchphrase. That wasn't slime. Well, they were-- no, they were always dumping slime on people. I heard that you had to be fucking awesome. It's true, Jake.

He is fucking awesome. I love you too, random passerby. [LAUGHTER] Take off your top. I'm playing Malkus Grimnus, human warlock. Or, I'm-- oh, Tiefen warlock, my word. Professional. Jesus, you get a little bit of fame outside the show and you don't even know what race you play anymore. You know what? This is about as good as the-- how many takes did it take me to do that? Just dry run of the opening? I feel like we have a blooper reel started. Oh my gosh. I heard a seven somewhere. You need to cut in the little beeps like they do when they cut blooper reels too.

Oh yeah. Do like a clacker sound? Yeah. Or like it's the ending of a Pixar movie or something like that. [LAUGHTER] You need to cut in little voice snippets too. Here, somebody take away his beer. Take away his beer. Rob, you have a problem. Yep. So last time on Mississippi Burning-- Oh, I don't know what that reference was. No one gets that reference? OK, that's fine. You knew it was a reference, so you knew it was something. Like you knew-- Yeah, but we're not giving you the joy of being able to-- I don't care. I've been waiting a month to say it. Fuck you.

Nope, needed to discredit the video. That's sad. Wow, that's sad. Probably over a month. Yeah, it's-- you guys sit down for your monthly union meeting at the show. It'll last six months. That's OK. There's a group two and a group three to pick up your spot. Six months over? Yeah, good luck for group two. Wow, OK. I will say group three did start in between our sessions, and they're very good. They are the new house. I'll give them pride. They seem like they've got a lot of heart. Wow, that's-- I will say no such thing. OK, thank you. That is in keeping with Dean Archer.

I enjoy-- me and Tyler, we hold hands while we listen to the episodes. We hold more than hands, but-- Well-- They share earbuds. [LAUGHTER] Well, I really like group three. I like the fact that at level one, they're more the underdogs, and they're also-- they're not good guys. The way they fight, though, they'll get annihilated if they ever face-- Yeah, don't bring that weak shit here. Team Rocket. We're not good guys from our point of view. But-- Right. --we have to say they're not good guys. That's the thing. Good and bad is all perspective. And yeah, I will say this, and here's a teaser for the next group three episode because I recorded it this morning with the very talented people there.

Shit got real. They-- so, so real. Like, something huge happened, and it's a game changer, and all of group one at the very least should listen to it. Like, they swung for the fences on this one, and hats off to them. But that's all I'm going to say about it. So last time for you guys, you went to the tiny town of Durran Hollow, and it was in an effort to get Draconis some blow. Draconis. Bloodroot. Yes. Previously on group one, and then you just insert screams and fire. That's just-- I think it was a good day. I think it was a good day. It was. We all survived.

You needed to score some bloodroot, and Durran Hollow was a place to get it. Harlem. After getting it, Yenward and Thoril were visiting the local bordello. And while Thoril was taking care of business upstairs with a lovely girl named Eva, Yenward got picked on by-- well, not picked on, but harassed slightly by a local redneck named Merle. Bullied? Couldn't get it. God damn it. Well, that's your cover for a sec. I know that was funny. Yeah. You catch your breath, it's OK. So what ended up happening was a big old fistfight in the Honest Harlot, which was the name of the whorehouse.

What's the name? I like that. In the melee, Rodswell was hung from the rafters. [LAUGHTER] Yenward was stabbed repeatedly and thrown out a window, kicked out a window. And a coked up Draconis came downstairs. And Draconis coked out of his gourd, let loose a fireball in the building. I think I had no other option. I just want to say that. He just emptied his clip into the club. [LAUGHTER] And burned the whole fucking thing down. I just realized something. Thoril is the only one to leave that place without a scratch on him. Hold that thought. [LAUGHTER] Actually, Thoril-- roll 1D10, please.

Oh, see, this is what I get for saying shit. No, I have three, sorry. Just a flat D10. 1D10, and we need a 2. A natural 2. OK. Keep that in mind for just-- we'll come right back to that. We'll come back to that. Almost a crit. --and soft. So yeah, this is a problem that you've burned this tiny town down. Now, not only did you burn this whorehouse down, that was there-- the new vol, which were the slave trading-- the band of slave traders that you were fighting pretty much had a tight grip over this town. And you murdered a small sect of them. Ironhide and Draconis then proceeded to head across the street, rob Kay's choice.

Well, I don't think-- OK, threatened to burn her to the ground. OK, yeah. Yeah. Can every chance be-- And then-- [LAUGHTER] Quotes that. Threatened to burn her to the ground if she didn't reveal the location of where she was getting her source of blood root. Then you gave her 1,000 gold. Then Ironhide stole every healing potion she had in the building. I paid for it. Meanwhile, across the street-- no, wait, this was after the thing that occurred across the street because Yenward, Malkus, and Draconis murdered Merle, who was stuck in a bush helpless, crushing his skull with Yenward's bare hands. [LAUGHTER] That's cool.

It was self-defense. We're awful people is what's happening here. I'm just recapping. Because that's what happens when you stand up against a bully. That's what happens. Jason, you're forgetting the part where they dumped the body into the fire. They sent the fire and throw it back into more fire. Yes, you're correct to-- yeah. How else were you going to collect the insurance money? What up, Merle? So let's pick up just after the events in Durn Hollow. And you guys are just outside of town. All right. This is good. The Rangers are calling. I'm sorry. I'm going to turn off my-- Thank you.

Be professional. We all have our horses, right? No-- Yeah, no. Everyone's-- Yeah. --rode hard out of the-- Got there. Let's see. Hold on a second. Let's go to the last map we were using. Is there anything you guys would like to say to each other after what just happened? I tripped, and I may have robbed someone. Yeah, I do. I do. Yeah. So yes, we're just riding down the road here. Is that what you want to-- We stopped. We're not riding as hard as we can while speaking to each other. You're outside of town. You're safely outside of town now. All right. I do-- everybody's here, right?

Everybody's currently here? Yeah. All right. I want to pull Malekus aside and have a little talk. A little talky-talk with him. Now, if you guys want to speak to each other, that's fine. Hey, Sam. Oh, before you pull Malekus aside, what are we-- what are we walking towards? What's the next place we're going to burn down? What are we doing? Well, hold on a second. I'm going to rise. I think, firstly, you just wanted to get out of town. Like, I didn't walk in the-- It's like, we need to go-- like, there's smoke in the distance. You can still see smoke. Like, it's-- I just picture us galloping-- like, not even galloping, just trotting off into nowhere.

So let's say you've pulled over to the side of the road without a clear destination yet. So let's-- OK. Let's yowza. OK, Malekus and Ironhide want to talk to each other. Yeah. So go ahead. OK. I'm going to open with-- talking to Malekus, like, OK. I don't believe this is working. Which part? After what happened with us two fighting, I took this into my own hands and started running this group the way I wanted it to. And that's not working anymore. It didn't work when you were being diplomatic with people. And it doesn't work with me wanting to burn down everything that I see that steps in our way.

It's up to-- So you have a third proposal. Yeah, well, it's up to us to talk to each other and be more diplomatic about this. We all had to be led into being the leaders. There can't just be one leader anymore or two or three. It has to be all of us with a word on what's going on. OK, it's wonderful to say that. In practice, how's it going to go when we, as we always do, come to an impasse and then someone pulls the bow strings? Where? All right, well-- Admittedly, sometimes me. I'm known to do that also. But I'm going to bring this up to the group. I wanted to talk to you first.

I need to know you're on board with this. I'm happy to talk about it, Ironhide, of course. All right, I guess we're going to go back to the group. OK. Talk to him. I have something to admit. That scene in the town, I truly hate everybody in that place. I-- Hookers are nice. What? Hookers are nice. I don't hang out with hookers. I can't. Bigots and people who want to fight us just because who we are, I can't stand that. And what they got back there, they truly deserved. That town deserves to burn. But it's not going to help us to rebuild this continent or this world if we're just burning it down.

So I have something to admit. And I hope this sets off a string of people doing this as well. While in Cage's Choice-- Cage's Choice, that's where it was, right? I-- right when Fakonis left, me and him went in there together, I took 20 potions. Oh, you bought us potions? That's awesome. Yes, I did. I mean, I got room in my pack if you want to-- you ain't got to carry them all. I stole 20 potions. Oh, I'm going to close my pack up. I don't want to lose. I'm sorry. What-- say again. I stole 20 potions. I did this because I truly believe everybody in that town deserves to die a terrible, gruesome death.

They were all shifty. They either wanted us dead because of who we are, or they just wanted us out because of who we are. That's the best that we could hope for in that town. The town guard didn't do shit to help us out when we needed it. Hell, Murl was hovering over me, ready to beat the crap out of me some more after I was out. And he's gently saying, now, Murl, don't hit him so much. There is no law in that town. Everybody's bald. But what did K do? She was holding the cure over Draconis' head. She wanted money just like everybody else in that town. She owns the business.

Yes, and she owns the cure. That's-- that's just the way things are. She owns the information, not the cure. Yeah, she doesn't own the cure. So are we judging entire villages based on our interactions with 10, 15 people? The people that almost killed me, yes. And the people who killed you shouldn't have killed you, who almost killed you should be held accountable. But not the innocents. That's collateral damage, Ironhide. That town is not innocent. You felt the fight when you walked in there. There's nothing but drunks and layabouts all over the-- And children.

Hey, it's only 20 potions, not like he went in there and snapped her neck. I didn't kill her. Yeah, it's 20 potions. Two of those. I know that's not right, but at least it's not that bad. That's like 2,000 gold. That's a lot of money in a little place like that. More question, Jason. How much of the town is left after us? Well, you only burned down the whorehouse, but you-- It destroyed their entire source of income. Yeah, you completely kneecapped them. And not only did you do that, you've taken away any way of defending themselves against the remaining nouveau who are out there.

Like, it's-- And I doubt-- And I doubt that they have many healers, so we probably took away a good source of any kind of medicine or anything they may have. Well, you preached to them how they were-- how receptors were to the good word. OK, that was the point. So yes, so they don't have much way of healing these people. They need their soul to be healed, not their body. [LAUGHTER] Sorry. [LAUGHTER] I love that. Sorry, evangelist Justin tripped up like I wasn't ready. [LAUGHTER] Sickness in their soul. Just wasn't ready. All right. I admit it to something that I did in that town that I'm not very proud of, but was, to me, necessary.

Is there anything that anybody else wants to say? So real quick, how far out of this town are we? You're far enough away that you see smoke in the distance-- Still see the smoke. Yeah, you can see that for all ways. Yeah, you're fairly far outside of town. So Rod's Well is starting to get suspicious, and he looks at Ironhide. Why did you go back to Kay's choice anyway? Went in there with Draconis. Why did Draconis go back to Kay's choice? I had to talk to the innkeeper, or the-- We had talked to the innkeeper. What were you discussing with the innkeeper? I mean, nothing.

I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't know what-- Yeah, there you go. Shop owner? Shop owner. Proprietor. Alchemist? That's a good name. Alchemist, yeah. No, I had to square something away with her before we left. It's done. Well, that's awfully transparent of you, Draconis. I'm glad you just explained the entire situation. Yeah, pretty good, isn't it? Let's fucking-- let's get going. You know, Draconis, we risked a lot to save your life. We did a lot for you. It'd be nice if you would be a little bit more honest with us. I am-- I have not lied to you yet. Except for the time when you lied to him.

Yeah, can you roll? Is that a-- is that a captain check? [LAUGHTER] Why does God have to speak? What is happening? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just-- Malchus looks over at Einheit and says, this committee thing you proposed is going so well now, isn't it? What committee thing? What's going on? We're going to air a grievance. We're going to air what we did in this town, in that town back there, and I point to the smoke. And we need a new type of leadership. It's not working with either me or Malchus as leaders. We're all going to step up and take the blame and the triumphs.

So-- We're all going to have this-- I don't think any of us ever viewed either one of you as our leaders, considering how much bickering you've been doing this entire time. So what are you trying to propose? What are you trying to say? We have to keep this as a democracy. We can't have this as two people bickering at each other about whether we swing a sword or whether we talk. It has to be all of us. We all have to have a say. After you just got done making those sort of decisions on your own-- Wait a minute. --about killing and robbing innocent people.

I mean, I know Merle wasn't innocent, but to be completely honest, how can we consider ourselves-- how can we make allies when we're consistently making enemies? Like, how do you expect to accomplish any-- Well, when you make allies, you make enemies. That happens. Well, we're making more enemies than allies. We're making only enemies. We don't make allies when we make enemies. We make enemies when we make allies, sure. But I haven't seen us forming many alliances recently. We got the white doves and we have white ravens and the elves right now. And the minotaurs.

And the minotaurs. That's not bad. Taking the dark roots. Wait, wait, you said Merle's dead. He died in the explosion? Yes. Well, yes. No, not you. He's asking. Sorry. Sorry. God keeps piping. Yes, he did. [LAUGHTER] He did. I saw him. He fucking did it. I thought he was asking. God. I'm fairly sure I saw Merle fall out of a window. So is he dead from that or is he arrested? Merle is dead. And rightly so. He's an enemy combatant and he tried to kill one of our own. Tried to kill two of our own. But how do we know he's dead? We didn't see his body. It went out a window. Malchus tries to subtly look at Yenward.

Yenward not so subtly looks away. [LAUGHTER] Was he Westland or something? Malchus, what do you know? We finished Merle just like we would have finished any enemy combatant who tried to kill us in the field. So we held up a shopkeeper, killed a man who we had already defeated, burnt a building down, and ruined an entire town's economy based on our impression of 15 people. How in the hell can we be considered the good guys anymore? How in the hell can you honestly look at yourselves and look at this group and honestly sit there and say, oh, yeah, we're fighting the good fight.

Are you honestly looking at yourselves in the mirror and saying that we're fighting the good fight? We're fighting the good fight by being on the front lines. This is affecting us by a lot. We didn't sign up to do any of this. This was pushed on us. You guys just destroyed an entire town. And based on what you're saying now is that you want this to be a democracy where we stand around in a circle and raise our hands to decide what we're going to do next. Does that mean that I'm going to be forced to do things against my beliefs and against my will based on your decisions?

It's going to be based on everybody's decision. Everybody has a voice. So it has to be unanimous. It has to win the majority of votes. Well, I'm never going to be-- I mean, I wouldn't have been in the majority about either of those things that transpired back there. And then the blood would have been on my hand at that point. That should have never happened back there. That fight was put on us. We didn't get-- You're welcome. What? You're welcome? What does that mean? Nalkus, you were the one who was insistent upon getting the guard involved. And then you have no problem in, after getting the guard involved, taking matters into your own hands?

When I saw one of our own on the verge of death, no. No problem at all. When I knew that there was a situation in this town that would have let that man walk away, he would have killed Ironhide. We're under no mandate to be, quote unquote, better than him. But can't we be? What's the problem with being better? We're supposed to be the good guys. We're supposed to be the bearers of truth here. We're trying to fight this evil that you speak of and that everyone talks about. But I see us doing things that are no better than them. We're very much becoming the evil in and of ourselves.

Listen-- We're taking all the matters into our own hands. We're vigilantes. Which is exactly what we're fighting against. We're not fighting against vigilantes. We're fighting against an army. We're fighting against people who took matters into their own hands. And they just happen to be very successful at it. We're fighting fire with fire. The Overwatch-- What are you guys trying to say? What are you trying to say right now? The Overwatch have the ability to march on White Haven any day. And they will take that place. We have to come out here and we have to do whatever is necessary to get an army.

If we don't-- Which means burning down an entire village. Yeah, what army did we get by holding up that shopkeeper? And we stopped here for supplies. And we got 20 potions, so it worked out. And we got the blood root. Malkus just gives Draconis the most disgusted look he can manifest. Draconis, you don't need to speak up, because I believe that if it wasn't for you, there wouldn't be a big fire back there right now. OK, OK. Slow down, OK? I walked out from upstairs. Not a single person was in that room besides Ironhide, and he was surrounded by people. What in the hell do you want me to do?

Everybody else, nowhere to be seen. Let's be completely honest here. It really didn't even have to get to that point. We could have walked away. We were trying to walk away. That's not my fault. Some of us tried to walk away. Some of us tried to summon the law enforcement. Draconis was still in the building. He would have came downstairs to a fleet of people ready to kill him. We would have dealt with it when it came to that. He could have been dead by then. This doesn't even matter. What matters is we go forward from here. That town is nothing. Because of us, how the hell do you expect us to go forward after something like that?

We could all just disband right now. No, listen, it wasn't-- you guys are thinking this-- it wasn't even that bad. Nobody-- 10 minutes ago, Ironhide, you were holding up a shop, and now you're sitting here talking to us about how we need to band together. We're not talking about time of reflection here. Look, he did-- How can I buy that you changed? I'm not saying I changed. Look, he did something shady. He did something stupid. But he did it for the good of the group. He's got 20 potions for us. I'm saying right now it's going to take all of our personalities and all of our strengths to get through this.

That means everybody-- I understand, Rod Swell, you have a religion. And right now, we're going to have to do a lot of things to break that. We're going to have to do a lot of things to gather an army. You've never been respectful of my religion. You sit here and you fight for all these people because they've been persecuted against, but you've never been respectful of what I believe. We can't go over this again. We did this-- I'm just going to say this. I am willing to stay here with this group. I'm willing to accomplish what we set out to accomplish on this condition.

You and then Thoril Parnside Ironhide and you-- and I point at your Conus as well-- I don't want to ever hear anything about fighting the good fight ever again from either of you two. We need to at least accept the fact that we're different types of people, but we can't actually sit here and-- especially you two can't actually sit here and say that you're good people. That is absolutely bogus. That's fine. You can say what you want. I never once said I was a good person. I have a new proposal. It is clear that we are, at least to some great extent, a party of lone wolves, working together by situation, but in spirit, we're all commanders of our own destiny.

We all prefer to make our own decisions and go our own paths, at least the majority of us. I propose that we don't put anybody in charge, and we don't put everybody in charge. We head back to the ravens, and we agree to take orders from whoever hands them down there. That way-- If we head back to the ravens now, we could be fighting a fight tomorrow. We need to be out here. We need to be-- if we're going to gather an army, we need to do it. It is better than just being this hurricane of chaos heading across the landscape with all of us being infuriated at one another and never agreeing with decisions.

We need order. How effective can we be without any sort of order imposed on us? We need to agree to take somebody's orders. OK. And who-- I'm not being an antagonist, but I'm asking you, who would give us these orders? Who out there would know exactly who we need to get a hold of? I propose Brianna, but it could-- I'm open to other suggestions as well. I don't think she knows what's going on. I'm pretty sure they sent us out here because they didn't know what to do. I'm pretty sure that's why we're here in the first place. Yes. So you're saying we have the information to make educated decisions on this?

No, I'm not. I'm saying that we told them that we did, that we gave them the impression that we were solid enough as a team, that we were responsible enough to lead them and find them an army. And here we are arguing with each other because we just burned down a village. Because we're proving that we are not solid enough to find them an army. We're proving that we leave destruction in our wake. We're proving that we're hot-headed, that we cannot control our tempers or our powers. Hey, newsflash, guys. Hey, newsflash. We are it, OK? We are not weaker because of this.

We are not weaker because of this at all. We are the ones that are going to win this. We presented ourselves to a group of recluses who were hiding because they were afraid of what was coming upon them. We convinced them that we should gather an army and fight. And now we're saying, oh, maybe we should turn around and go back. Like, we've taken this upon ourselves. We can't turn around and ask for help again. Of course we can. We have to. It's better than going forward and being this-- do we want to, every day, when another hot-headed decision happens, sit here and bitch at one another like this again?

Why can't we just be adults? I don't know. Why can't we, Rodswell? It doesn't seem to happen. I'm sick of asking why it doesn't happen. I'm ready to look for a solution. And if that means externalizing our command structure, let's do it. Then why don't we do this? Instead of taking-- instead of going back to the White Ravens and listening to them, why don't we move on to the next town and take orders and do what we have to do to get their help, and not sit here and bicker about if it's the right thing to do or if we're-- we do what they tell us to do. That's what you're saying.

If you guys want this, if you guys want a way to go, that's it. I might not agree with it. I don't like the consequences sometimes. But if you want a plan, if you want to take the decisions out of your hands, that's the way to do it. Then the only decision we have to make is where to go. I don't think it's going to be that simple. Right now, if we travel north and then east, we go to an orc encampment. Right there, if we take orders from then, then we'll be killing the dwarves. They're at war constantly. They're always expanding, and they're trying to kill each other.

No matter where we go, we end up killing people, Ironhide. Well, that's the nature. That's what we do now. It's not as simple as just go somewhere. I have some lettuce. Why don't you deliver it to that house over there? OK, you have our fleet. I do agree with Rod Swell to an extent that it's really just a thing where we just need to look at each other and say, listen, we have what we need to do. We need to gather up an army. Let's not let all this petty bullshit get in the way. And I don't think-- it's never helped us out to sit here and argue about what's right and what's wrong.

We just need to gather an army and try-- just try not to destroy everything in our wake. The way you need to look at this is, do you want the orcs or the dwarves? If you want the orcs, do what they say. That's it. We can't be stuck in a cave when one person decides that we need to have sympathy for these people, or maybe these people are more important to us. We need to pick a side before we go in and decide what we're going to do then, and then we do it, and that's it. That's how we avoid arguments. That's how we get things done. It sounds like we might need to put this little vote thing to a test.

All right, before we go any farther, I'm going to take the sack-- big ass sack that I have-- that's filled with those potions. I'm going to put it right down in front of the group, like right in the middle of everybody. I'm going to back up, look at everybody right in the eyes, and say, is there anybody else that needs to confess about anything else they've done in that town? Nope. Doesn't sound like it. No. All right. Do me a favor, everyone, roll a perception check. Perception check? Whoa. Okey-dokey, boss. Whoa, whoa. Sounds complicated right now. Let's see.

Where's my-- Oh, where's-- I always forget this shit. Remember, you can just go to your skills tab and click the button now. I'm more impressed with perception. Boom. Oh, shit, it's a 19, sir. 24. 21. 15. Everyone except for Malkus. Yeah, everyone except for Malkus. You hear-- as you're talking, you can kind of hear something in the distance. And as you guys are speaking to each other, it gets louder and louder until-- it's so noticeable that you have to-- it's like, all right, what the fuck is that sound? On the horizon, this is further down-- like, this is coming over a valley.

This isn't taking a road. But there is a caravan, what appears to be several dozen warforged, kind of traipsing across. They're heading east. And there is a very meticulously decorated wagon, like a big covered wagon type of thing. That kind of thing is normally reserved for someone important. And these warforged are surrounding this wagon. And it is heading east, away from you currently. So just letting you know that. Oh, shit, that's going right to the deadwood. No, no, no, this would be-- like, if you-- like, they would be way further in than you. So we know exactly what it is?

Like, that's-- Well, I mean, you know what I described to you. Let me pop my map up here in one second. Let me see what's going on. So what, we went north a little bit, right? Or just out of town, where-- You're just outside of town. So yeah, like, you're a little north. So they would be heading, like, directly east. They'd be heading into the forest. Yeah, they're definitely-- yeah, they're quite a bit in front of you. Like, you can see them on the horizon, though. It's kind of hard to miss all those warforged. Do you guys see that? [LAUGHTER] What the fuck's that all about? [LAUGHTER] We're sitting here having this conversation-- so, OK, Malkus doesn't know.

So Malkus, say no, I guess, if you don't see that. [LAUGHTER] Let's say he's more wrapped up in the conversation than you guys are, then. Let's say he knows everybody's looking around, but he's like, no. So I guess we just explain what we just saw. So they're going east. While we're sitting here having this conversation, there's a group of warforged with somebody who seems awfully important going east. Very similar direction to where we were planning on going. Not really. That's going inside something called the Dead Forest. It doesn't sound very nice. Deadwood.

Deadwood. I'm so sorry. You can make-- I don't know how you make a mistake. He hasn't been there. Oh, that's fine. That's fine. Um, what's-- OK. Thoril, remember how I had you roll a D10 earlier? Uh-huh. OK. You were time spent with Eva. Oh, crap. I knew it was herpes. I knew it. Scott, what's your-- I just start itching violently. Well, there's something called harlot fever. Fuck me. You and the vapors. The-- I thought it was canon that I had some sort of-- never mind. Just-- There's no condoms in Theria, man. Sorry. There's magical protection you can give, but there's no condoms.

You got to be a stud. I can never take that away from you, ever. But there's-- never mind. I'm not going to-- Go ahead. Go ahead. No, I'm not going to do the argument here. OK. You're all pussy and irritated and gross. It's more of an outside session thing. Oh, yeah. I'm a liar. Don't-- no. I let you guys talk. I don't interrupt you, because I already know what I'm doing down the road. So I let you and Alanna talk back and forth. So what I'm going to have you do is roll a D10 once a day, and a random side effect is going to kind of crop up. Oh, yeah. You rolled a 2, if I'm not mistaken, correct?

Yes. Yes. You're going to overproduce saliva at a rapid rate. [LAUGHTER] Fuck. Fucking nasty. Get away. To the point where you're drooling a bit. Like, it's very hard to-- it's either spitting constantly or it's-- your mouth will just fill up with your own spit. Guys, we're monsters. Howard's so stupid. [LAUGHTER] So yes. As side effects go, that's not so bad. Could be worse. I'm just going to be like a camel all day today. That's-- Tricornis, what did you do? [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] What would you guys like to do? Laugh at Doros and droolings. [LAUGHTER] You're just fucking away.

All right, so do you guys want to chase that thing down? Do you want to proceed? Do you want to go back to the White Radiance? The second we start fighting the Warforged, it's on. I'm still taking glass out of my hide, dude. I'm in no shape. I said continue north. We don't have to-- You could take a rest, too. We don't have to fight them. We might-- we can track them, maybe. I don't know. I'm just throwing that out there. They were-- they're Warforged or-- Oh, I'm sorry. I should have been very clear. These were-- these are wearing the Overwatch colors. These are very definitely-- Go to-- This-- this is-- this is hard for me.

OK, can I explain something right now? Uh-huh. Remember how good we were at catching that-- that flying bird that came out of the commander before? Nailed it every time. Damn good. Exactly, except that we didn't. And they could know that we're all the way out here, days away from where the Overwatch are, and they could march. And if they do that, that's-- that town's going to fall. On top of that, we don't know how close or far, if at all, there's somebody following them already. I'd hate to start tracking one and then get caught up by another one. I say we head north up to the-- the Stone Thunder Mountains.

Now, I don't want to throw anybody out here. I mean, Malchus did bring up a point, too. I mean, we might have to take a pit on this, though, for real. No, that's what I'm saying. We're-- we're going to do this, like you guys said. Which point of mine? That you wanted to go back to the White Ravens. That was shot down. Well, I'm letting it go. You're letting it go? No, let's not do that. OK. All right, so who are we going to choose? We going to choose the Orcs, or are we going to choose the Dwarfs? I'm not siding with the Dwarf. Anyone want to-- anyone want to roll a history check to get a little bit more information on that?

I don't know. OK. What will history say this time? Boop. No. Aw. I was-- I had a 16. I was about to roll. Eh, OK. It's all right. 19's not awful. Not at all. 19 is very solid. Almost crit. Ironhide-- you rolled a 4, dude. Almost. Crit. Ironhide relates to the group that the-- well, let's take it back to the Minotaurs. The Stone Sunder Mountains weren't always called the Stone Sunder Mountains. They actually didn't have a name when the Minotaurs occupied them long ago. The Dwarfs, however, decided that they wanted them and launched a campaign against the Minotaurs, driving them out eventually.

And the Minotaurs headed west, eventually chilling out in Thunder Spire. Not too long after that, the Orcs, who were in relatively the same area, expanded to the point where they met the mountains and the Dwarfs. Those two got into it. And they're pretty much cut from the same cloth, in that they're both incredibly stubborn, love to fight, love to prove themselves. So they just kept fighting each other. Neither one of them is really given an inch in decades, and that's kind of where they still are. Neither one of them has expanded much beyond where they were years ago.

The Orcs pretty much focus all of their attention at getting into those mountains, just because they can't have it. And then the Dwarfs have pretty much taken all this time to chisel out and carve and build and all that dwarven stuff that Dwarfs do in the mountain. The worst town affected by this would be Dunhurst. The distraction of the Dwarfs gave these poor people time to really garrison up and defend themselves, build walls. They have a pretty strong military force. And that's pretty much just to keep the Orcs away. So that's pretty much historically what you guys are looking at, going in with the Dwarfs and Orcs.

So we can actually get the Dwarfs and Dunhurst on our side if we wipe out the Orcs, or at least hit them so hard that they're railing from the shot. Fuck the Dwarfs. Can I tell you something about Dwarfs? Want to hear some more history about Dwarfs? These colors don't run. [LAUGHTER] How about the group of Dwarfs that killed Duncan's mother and almost killed him and ran him and his mother out of town? I had to protect Duncan and his mother from Dwarfs for quite a long time. I don't feel like I want to go inside with them and become friends with them at this point.

I'll just say this, that after the extremely long argument that we had about the vampire deal and my personal feelings about the vampire, and I think Rodswell took my side on that, I'm definitely going to take his side on that and say we should definitely side with the Orcs because we don't want one of our party members to feel like their opinion doesn't matter and their history with certain people does not matter. I'll be honest with you, I don't have anything against Dwarfs as a whole, but I'm awfully worried that the group of Dwarfs that destroyed my life might be there now, and I don't want to side with them. Thoril, go ahead and give me a nature check, please.

Nature check. Hang on. I don't want to split any hairs, but I'm going to go side with. [LAUGHTER] 28. Wow. 28. Let me give you a breakdown about these two races. Again, they're cut from the same cloth in-- there's definitely a Venn diagram in terms of they like to fight, and they'll just keep it going. Both incredibly tough, both like to fight. Both would be a valuable asset in an army, let's say. You need a front line, and you're going to need more than minotaurs. Either one of these guys would make a fantastic addition. Drawbacks. Dwarfs are stubborn little racists, but they wear their racism on their sleeves.

They'll just-- they're really ball busting. They don't hate, necessarily, but they definitely will point out any stereotypical flaws with other racists. They're very proud to be a dwarf, and they're going to tell you all about it. Orcs are fucking psychopaths. They don't stop. Their entire civilization is based on expanding, taking, fucking, killing. That's all they do. So you can take them into battle, and you-- I mean, they're going to kill stuff, but they're not going to stop easily. So what you're saying is orcs. You can take them into battle, but you can't live with them.

God damn it. I'm saying-- Because they will fight. You'll fight by my side, but you won't take my sister as your bride. I see how it is. Is there a way you could not get involved with this? Is there somewhere else we could go? I mean, you can keep going, but the bottom line is you have healers. You have archers. You have some of your front line. You don't have anyone else fighting upfront and personal. Oh, look. Besides-- Another situation where nobody's going to be happy with the decision. And Malkus just claps his hands together. Imagine that. And Roswell just looks at Malkus, just stares right through him, gives him a little smirk, and shakes his head, turns back to the group.

I'm sorry, this is a very personal issue for me. It's a very personal issue for me. But if you guys-- I'll go with the group, whatever you guys decide. Dwarfs have something that belonged to me. I'm not-- no. SAS 3 against orcs. So it looks like we're going with orcs. I am more than happy to go with orcs. We need people upfront. We've got people that can do range, and we've got people that can be in the back. We need some tanks upfront. I personally want the dwarves, because we can get Dunhurst then. But if the orcs is where you guys want to go, I wouldn't trust them as far as I can throw them.

But-- I don't see how we can trust either one of them, to be completely honest. I'm just saying, we get numbers with the dwarves. Let's be honest about our motivations for a moment. Whichever side we choose, we just want warm bodies who will hold weapons and stab bad guys for us. Let's not-- let's not sit here and think about whether or not we're picking the right side. If these two sides won't work together, one's as good as the next. Yeah. Let's just take into account that we really just need them for an army. And if we really have to sit here and think, who would best suit us in an army, it is certainly the orcs.

They are the kinds of people that we are missing right now. Based on our own past experiences and/or predispositions, it seems orcs. Not to mention-- yeah, not to mention I don't want to sit here and argue too much, like we did with Edward, because of all the personal shit that some of the other members of the party have with dwarves. Well, all that other stuff is done with, so let's just keep moving on. Orcs it is? Yeah, orcs. All right, cool. We're going for the orcs. And we're at the orcs encampment. Whoa, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait. Orcs, are you with us?

Yes. Great. The end. Um-- Do we sleep at some point between then and now? I was just going to ask, would you like to take a rest, because you're all pretty beat up. I mean, I'm good, but yeah, I can go for a sleep. You're riding the high is the thing. I'll-- yeah, I'm good. So you're all going to bed down for the night? Sure. How are we splitting the watches? Oh, wait, Ironhide doesn't sleep. There you go. I will rest for four hours. And I'll get you guys rested up. So while you're doing that, now that that whole situation has perfectly passed, it was very hard to not metagame, because listening to group two and three, I'm sure I know exactly who that was.

Yep. And it would have been extremely beneficial to us. Yep. But we were just-- Yep. We weren't up for it. They would have killed us. I was up for it. Yeah, it's like, just after listening to group two, it's like, I know exactly who that is, but I can't say it. Wait, Grunting? I'm sure someone will hate us forever for our failure to be psychic. Let's move on. I know. Not psychic. Not psychic. No. We're playing along. We got to play our characters. We don't act-- as our characters, we don't know who it is. Right? It's true. Wait, wait, wait. Whatever series we're talking about.

I'm just saying, the smart money is on us eventually having someone yell at us, you should have intervened in that situation. I know. But this is-- we got to play our character, so we can't sit-- Oh, no, we're doing. We can't sit here and metagame and be like, I know exactly who that is. We're the-- Right now. Right now. We're the heroes Gotham meets. That's what we are. Group three just did the same thing today. They did something that was plain suicidal, but they were playing their characters, and they would have no reason to know. It was so beautiful. I can't wait for you to hear it.

Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. What episode is that from, the War Forge? The last one. The last group two episode? Group two episode. Remember when they went into the-- when they got the letters for the house, and there was that one certain letter about someone who was coming to the house? No, I don't even remember that. Maybe I didn't get to that part yet. It's tail end. OK. It's big. You'd know it if you-- Then they found out the cult was coming from the city. Oh, yeah. I know now. I remember. That's like as soon as I heard it's like, oh, it's a bunch of War Forge and someone who sounds important, and I'm like, oh, fuckballs.

Who is it? Did you-- dish the deets, Tyler. OK, spoilers. I'm sure anyone who's listened to this-- it was Carter. Carter's in that. Oh, well, of course. I mean, that's who I would assume. And Carter was in there. He's on his way to one of the houses right now. Oh, shit. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, Carter. That Carter is the one who's in there. One of the houses? I'm going to use that flute I picked up. He's going to the houses in Brightport, the one that Group two took over. I said we just retcon. There it is. Lava Fireball it this year. That's why I just-- that's why I didn't really talk, because it's like I'm not going to metagame and be like, we need to go kill him right now.

I'll go get him. It would ruin the boss fight anyway. Yeah. We wouldn't have got to him anyway. I imagine those guys aren't flunkies. Yeah. He probably put the best of the best up there with him. Like the Secret Service guys. It's just like him. It's like Terry as a transformer. Oh, my gosh. OK. Another yogurt. It took me half a second. Oh. It's good. Transforms and crushes him. My leg. I haven't forgotten. When we go back to the White Ravens, I may or may not have a transformer of my own waiting for me. Well, if you listen to Group two, you'd find out about that. Boom.

That's what I'm talking about. It's not metagaming. It's being a team player. Yeah, it's appreciation. I'm on team one. There you go. You know what I'm thinking about doing? I'm thinking about listening to Group three and just to piss off Group two. Shot that witch. That would definitely do it. That, Nick, was a team one player. Man, this Group three is fantastic. God damn it. Stop. Listen to him. This is going to be their iPods. You know what's fun about Group three is you get to see what it is on the other side of the fence. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

Jesse and James, Team Rocket. They start killing Pokemon, just cutting their throat. I don't know what I'm talking about. They're just pounding on the slow pokes up and lobbing their tails off. You guys are all rested up. And what it sounds like is, how do you want to handle this? Do you want to head right into the orc encampment? Or do you want to send someone in to use diplomacy? You want to show up en masse? How do you want to do this? We need somebody for diplomacy. And I think that's Malkus. He also looks like a scary monster, kind of like an orc. I didn't say that.

I can transform into anything I want. You can. That lasts an hour. It's a bluff check. But yeah, basically-- We're lying to them, and that's not the best way to get their allegiance. Wait, that's a bluff check? If you're interacting with someone, it's like an active bluff check. If you're sneaking past somebody, it's like, oh, I'll-- Everything I say has to be-- No, I mean, it's like-- my understanding of the power-- let me check it just to make sure. It's called Disguise Self. Yeah. Draconis has some cool powers. He does. He's shady as fuck. Yeah, he is. Fucking hell.

We've got trust in with my-- I would just say, if we're trying to get allies, let's not lie to them. Yeah, because it says, you gain neither the abilities nor mannerisms of the chosen form, which means you have to-- it's like an acting game. Yeah, you're constantly acting? Yeah. Have you ever met an orc before, Draconis? I don't know. It's none of your goddamn business, is it? Oh, right. Reminds you through, motherfucker. Draconis versus Yennar. Let's go. Set your hide on fire. Yeah, throw it down. Throw it down. Nah, you'd crush me in one hit. OK, so right now we're in Durin Hollow.

Technically. We're going back up to Albury. Wait, what? We have to-- Wait, wait, wait, wait. We have to go right through the plains. Well, yeah, you can go right through the plains. If you're heading to the orc encampment anyway, there's no road that leads to it. We'll do that. So I missed one little thing. Donhurst is dwarven. That's run by them, the dwarves? No, no, no. The mountains are. If you're looking at the map, that huge mountain range up top in the north-- Yeah, I see that, but-- Donhurst is walled up in a military right now because of the orcs, because they're constantly getting-- Yeah.

They can see the writer on the wall, and they saw-- Oh, oh, picture they're like Israel, right? In between-- So they're humans? Yeah. That's a mixture of people. Oh, OK. I did the history check, Jason. I know they're humans. I know why. Don't be. So-- You passed on the last episode too, and I told you, and yeah, it's a mixture. Gotcha. So I felt like it would be cool if we go get-- like, if we eliminate or at least punch the orcs in the fantasy, stop doing that. And we can get the dwarves and the-- Hunter. That's why. How about we just tell the orcs, be like, yo, how about you expand into Overwatch after we kill them?

Boom, done. Well-- I'll throw in Thunder Spire if they leave my fucking mountain wall. And the dwarves are coming back for you. That's true. Yeah, they didn't want you there in the first place. Well, I guess if we-- I don't know. I'm not even trying-- I'm just going to throw this out. Our attempts at diplomacy have never really worked out too well for us. Setting aside personal issues, would it behoove us to possibly go into Dawnhurst before we go anywhere else and see what they think about the whole situation? Yeah, they're probably the most level-headed.

Well, they're going to hate the orcs, but I mean, we can. Yeah. They're going to side against the orcs. Maybe we-- Well, their military power too, they can help. Maybe we can just get Dawnhurst and go around the whole orc/dwarf situation entirely. Let them kill each other. Can we get a population check on this? On Dawnhurst? All three, Dawnhurst, dwarves, and orcs. Yeah, give me history check. Yeah, you deal with this time. Oh, this is a-- OK, this is a thing. OK. 16. Yes, knowledge requires some sort of check. OK, well, that's a 25. That is an excellent check.

If, let's say, you were to recruit these dwarves, what they lack in pure numbers, they more than make up for in toughness. They're incredibly stout and just really high fortitude. So you're looking at about 2,000 or so dwarves if you were to recruit them. Orcs, on the other hand, you're looking at about 3,000 or so, probably closer to 3 and 1/2. The problem with orcs is they don't value their own lives at all. I don't see that as a problem. I don't know if that's above the feature. What I'm saying is they'll kill each other in minor squabbles over something like, you took the last piece of chicken.

I'm going to murder you now. Oh, so they don't want, right? We don't eat chicken, right? We eat-- I thought it was a minotaur. Don Hurst yourself. I'm going to go write a story to put your hand over your head back. In general. I am an orc. Don Hurst, you're, again, looking at about 3,000 people. This is a pretty big town. This is actually quite a decent sized town. They kind of have a similar thing to Winterhaven going on, where they just kind of live behind the walls. They can't have farms on the outskirts. They can't do anything in the fields, because, I mean, there's such-- you could just get murdered one day.

They'll just-- if they'll just come down from the hills like a bored squad of orcs, just like dead and dead and dead. That's why they call it the deadwood. That stretch of wooded area beneath the orc encampment is just-- it's ambush country. It's killing field. It is. It's so easy to die there. And that is why the center of theory is called the Divide, because it's incredibly tough for some people to get from the east to west or vice versa. I want to ask Ironhide, are the dwarves in Don Hurst, are they alliance-- they alliances or what? Only in that they have a common enemy.

And dwarves, that's the other thing-- that's the other thing above orcs. They'll honor a pact. They're really honor-bound people. Like, it's like, oh, you can trust a dwarf, that kind of thing. Orcs, they're completely unpredictable. As long as you're staring at them right in the eyes, you can trust them. Yes, they're completely unpredictable. And they'll-- I mean, they're really great at murder. Really great. Really great at murder. OK, well, that kind of leads me to believe maybe we should-- maybe we can get Don Hurst and the dwarves if we help both of them eliminate the orcs.

That's what I was saying, yeah. That'd be 5,000 as opposed to 3,000 if we get both of them. That and they-- these are soldiers. They're not kamikazes. They're not suicidal. They won't kill each other. These are soldiers. I'm just throwing that out there, by the way. What are your guys' thoughts on this? I know you don't like the dwarves. I don't have nothing against dwarves in general. There's a certain group of dwarves. And if they are there, I cannot help them, period. I won't. We can go check it out. Yeah. I have no problem checking it out. I think it's worth checking it out.

I'm kind of-- my opinion's been kind of swayed on it. I wouldn't mind checking it out. I have no problem checking it out. Malchus? We can check it out. All right. So where are we heading? We're going-- Don Hurst. I guess through the Deadwood. Let's go to Don Hurst, yeah. And so we're here. So now we have Murphy's Law for Rodswell. Hey, if they're Deadwood, no problem. As it turns out, they are here, and they run the town. Let's do something here. Let's roll a saving throw. Oh, shite. This is something we haven't done before. 1 through 10, and you guys will be fighting 11 through 20, and you will not be fighting.

So who would like to roll this? It's just a flat d20. OK, I think Thoril should. I have notoriously awful saving throws, if you remember. Except-- I'll do it. --but you are-- you know, you were pretty good in that brothel, man. It's all about positives. Don't worry, guys. I got this. Oh, god, that's right. OK. 11 through 20, baby. 11 through 20. Am I actually doing this? Yeah, do it. Fuck it. OK. OK, OK. Come on, baby. Here goes nothing. Yeah. Goddamn it. God damn it. Almost a crit. Literally. This is the one time in history it actually was almost a crit. Miraculously, you guys make it through the dead wood completely unmolested.

Just nothing-- you-- you caught it on a good day, apparently. That was neat, guys. Just internet high fives for everybody. Why do they call it the dead wood? Does anybody get that? I don't get that. Dead. OK. Walking through the dead wood, you can definitely see why. I mean, this is one of those places where 1,000 battles have taken place. And you can see-- like, there are sword and ax marks in almost every tree. And there's, like, just sections of rope hung from trees. I'm thinking the princess bride, where, like, fire would just erupt from the giant rats.

And the rodents of unusual size, and the lightning sand, and all that stuff. Yeah, that's the-- Just happy just because. Why? It's total-- well, without all the-- this isn't-- nature has nothing to do with why the dead wood is so deadly. It's complete placement with the orcs. That's the only reason. And it's-- but it is gloomy and dark looking. And it-- yeah, this place has seen a lot of bloodshed. Not ours! But not yours. Who cares about their misfortune? [LAUGHTER] Making it out the other side, though, you-- this is about a day's travel from-- from Durran Hollow to Donhurst.

This is about a day's travel. And you are riding up on the large town of Donhurst. I'm imagining you're just riding up to the gates, just going to ask for entry. I think once more, Malkus. Sure. OK. So Malkus rides up to these gates. And pretty standard protocol. There's a few guards standing outside, just kind of shooting the shit. And they see you-- they see you ride up. And you got a little posse going here. And the main guard kind of speaks up, welcome to Donhurst, is there anything I can do for you today? Um-- I'm sorry, I spaced. [LAUGHTER] I'm drunk.

You gotta take your phone off. Malkus just sits there for what seems like forever. Oh, wait, what? Huh? What was your question? What are you doing here? I shit myself. [LAUGHTER] Do you need me to repeat it? We're at Donhurst. Why are we here again? [LAUGHTER] Oh my fucking god. Rob is so high. Rob, go hunt. Go hunt yourself. We're investigating the possibilities of them helping us and the dwarves helping us. That's right. There's just one book and it gets wrapped up in the shit. Somebody went somewhere and just started laughing madly. He did get Ice-T to do the audio version of his book, though.

Seriously? I read that earlier this week. I laughed my ass so hard. Ice-T recorded a Dungeons and Dragons book. He didn't know he was in there recording that shit. What happened? Ice-T was contracted to record an audio book. And he went in and did it. And he didn't know what audio book it was. And when he got there, it was a Dungeons and Dragons audio book. And he posted something on his blog. And it was like, man, there's pegasi shit. And this sword talks to a dude. I don't know, it's some deep nerd shit, man. Some deep nerd shit. [LAUGHTER] Up, killer. It took him three hours to do three chapters. [LAUGHTER] It's 25 pages that said three hours.

Yeah, 25 pages. I so want to hear it in the Ice-T voice. I am too. I'm not kidding. Unironically, I just want to hear it. The funny thing is, he was real kind of insulting towards nerds. But I don't care, because it's Ice-T. So that's fine. Like, anybody-- Dude, he got his comeuppance when he was at E3 two years ago. And they announced in front of this, yeah, man, I'm reforming whatever the fuck his band's name was-- Body Count. Yeah, Body Count to do the soundtrack for Gears of War 3. And no one said a fucking thing. And it's like, oh, how's that feel? Oh, OK.

So he gets to say the nerd shit. It's OK. OK, so does he say this in front of everybody? I'm sorry, dude, I just spaced. No. [LAUGHTER] OK, let's take it back. And from the line studio audience and everything, come on. Clever, clever editing. Clever editing. Poop definitely. Gosh, shit, somebody bring me my lines. I'm debating whether to keep that in the show or edit it out. Oh, he passed up his goals. Oh, dear. [LAUGHTER] Just add that to the blooper reel. I'm sorry, I was too busy counting all my money that I've gotten from this book. I couldn't pay attention to all the-- Damn it, Ben.

I said I'm busy. OK, let's take it back to the guard asking-- welcome to Dunhurst. Is there anything I can do for you today? Yes, we'd like to come in to get supplies in parlay with your leadership. And he's kind of looking up and down the party. Is that Warforged going to be in trouble? Yes. Did you seriously really in character? No, this is my-- His eyes glow red, he's like, absolutely. Oh, yes, is that a problem? Almost definitely. No, have you ever discriminated against anybody? Let me ask that before I answer your question. [LAUGHTER] I don't know how to do a bluff check.

Almost definitely. No, I'll say no. He is not of Overwatch manufacturer. He will not trouble you. Yeah, I don't see a problem with that at all. We'll open the gates and let you go through. Yay. It was so easy, you guys. We could take this town. Actually, we walked in the front door. We won, right? And not one building burned down. Not yet. It's early. Let's find their whorehouse. Still got a couple hours. It was filled with slavers, guys. Come on, we were doing it a favor. Murl was no good. Steevers, come on, we're the good guys. [LAUGHTER] Slavers aren't good. I hope you never get this saving throw, Thor.

I think it's like a random thing every day. I don't know. It is a new state if you have to roll again. Just keep getting twos. Well, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, it's been a new day. Oh, god damn it. Wait, wait. You're right. If he gets like a five or something like that, does his dick look like a grilled raisin or something? You know what's funny is that each number is corresponding to a-- it's not if he gets over 10, he's fine. It's each number is corresponding to a different side effect. So we'll always have a side effect. You'll never be safe. We haven't invented insulin in theory yet, I'm sorry.

So we should go to some sort of-- See if there's some sort of-- Well, wait, wait, wait. Still, roll your D10 first. Don't call the doctor. And then we'll set him down there, pump the brakes, then roll your D10. 10. The lower arm dies. Your eyes explode. He's rolling this shit today. I don't change genders, too, do I? No. Thorold defecates himself. I would get a lot of shit if I don't ask this. I think I know the first time I do some kind of healing check on him. Well, that would have been a question for yesterday, yes. Let me-- OK. Those of you out there-- That's the first thing I do when I walk into this town.

First, riding into this town, Thorold loses control of his-- Shits all over his horse. My god. This is great. What a day. It's a brown horse, right? It's a majestic white pegasi. Sorry, hold on. The brown horse now. Thorold rides into town and loses all control of his sphincter and shits his pants mightily. Can I please do an insight check? On his shits? I just want to see if something's going on with him right now. Or if he's trying to hide this. Roll a perception check. Go ahead. Perception it is. What is perception? What am I doing here? Boom. How about a twup?

Salarias. You smell something faint in the air, but you're not really sure where it's coming from. Like, it's like, oh, that's strange. It smells like shit in this town, guys. Yeah, that's why I'm going to say this town smells like shit. OK. That's why I'm going to remember from this town, as I go on, it smells like shit. Should we kill it? Burn the shit, everyone. So unless Thor confides in you that he's having a problem, you can't make a heal check. You don't know that there's anything to heal. So I can't do a separate perception check now that he's done one.

That was for the whole group? Well, you had to do it on him, and that's metagaming. I mean, you'd have no reason to think that now if you're in an enclosed space together-- because I mean, I don't mean like a little turtle head action. A explosive diarrhea, basically. I mean, Thor'll shit himself. It's in leather pants, like he shit himself. So now that he said it smells like shit, it is on Thorold to say something. But if Thorold doesn't say anything, then I would have to find it later. OK. Exactly. How the hell are you going to heal somebody that shit their self?

That's what I want to know. That's for all the emailers that we're going to have. Or the Facebook posts that we'll have. Well, I mean, as far as the shit goes, toothpaste is out of the tube on that one. That's just-- We walk into town and immediately I smell poopy. Yes. So there's no reason to think that Thorold just exploded his anus. Exactly. OK. You just think that that's what Dunhurst smells like. That's what-- that's just what this town smells like. But he did say it smells like shit. Yes. Thorold's asshole's going to have to bluff everybody. [LAUGHTER] Boop-a-doo-boop-boo.

That's going to be-- Wouldn't it be awesome if unprompted Thorold just went, that's me. [LAUGHTER] Uh-huh. So-- Yeah. Aw, this-- Don't you start. I just looked over and saw the comment about dirty rice in the chat from a really long time ago. [LAUGHTER] Now it just seems extra inappropriate. We're going to Bonnet. This happened to the show, right? That was a feature we made about right now of explosive poop-poop. OK, so we're in-- like, I imagine there's like a main road that takes us to the leadership, like some kind of mayor of some sort. Oh, yeah. So we're asking them to support us in spite of the fact that we're aiding the orcs, or are we aiding the dwarves now?

We're going to try to aid the dwarves and Dunhurst to get rid of the orcs so we can perhaps get both of them to help us. If anybody doesn't like that, we could always just talk to the leadership here and see what's going on exactly, and then pick a side. OK. We're rallying the dwarves and Dunhurst against the orcs. I also did have a way that I was going to tell Rod Swell about my problem. All right, then let's do this, please. Do you want to pull them aside? Yes, absolutely. In fact, when Ironhide said that it smells like shit in this town, I'd just be like, yeah, man, I don't know why.

It smells like shit. Rod Swell, can I talk to you for a second? Oh, you got to roll a bluff. You're lying. That's true. Fuck. That's bluff as shit. Come on, you're a thief. You're a sneak thief. Fuck. If you fail this test, it's going to roll down your pant leg. 13. You just shit yourself in. You-- [LAUGHTER] 13. 13's going to sound very suspicious to the group. Like, it's-- why'd you say it like that? That's so weird. It's just like how he said it. Like, yeah, I know, guys. Rod Swell, let's go over here. It's-- yeah. It's running down your sock. Rod Swell holds his nose and follows Thorol.

Oh, my god, it's so bad here. Oh, my god, it's getting stronger. [LAUGHTER] So Thorol and Rod Swell are kind of off to the side. I think Thorol's hurt. He was limping a little. Is that blood? Wasn't his horse white? Rod Swell, I figured I could be-- I figured you could be the one that I could tell this to, being probably the most level-headed person here. So when we were in Durn Hollow, of course, I had-- I don't know how to put this delicately, but I conducted some business with a woman. And-- So you want to turn your life over to God? Not quite. Just walk away. [LAUGHTER] This is not going how I wanted.

I will be going. [LAUGHTER] I consider me just walking away. [LAUGHTER] No, I listen. So I think I may have contracted something from her. And I figured as the healer, you could maybe help me out with that. Possibly. What are your symptoms? Well, my mouth-- the whole saliva deal that I had earlier, I believe, was one symptom. And-- interesting note. Funny story. You remember how this town kind of smells like shit? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Please, please keep this between us. It's not the town. Oh. I may have defecated myself. Wow. Well, I can try to heal you. Now I believe this to be your punishment from the gods.

But I can do my best to try to heal you, if that's what you want. I do say that this is sort of an eye-opening moment. And yes, I would like some sort of healing. One second. Rodswell. Yo. You, as a man of the cloth, would know this. STDs in Theria are highly treatable. Highly. It's incredibly common for even low-level clerics to be able to help out young men in the situation Thoril's in. Low-level clerics. Yes. Yeah, the doc in the boxes where you go. There's a reason why a lot of young men don't seek treatment until it's absolutely necessary. The cleric has to lay his hands on the affected area.

What? Oh, damn it. Put your hands on top of the dick. No one ever said it would be easy. No one ever said-- [LAUGHTER] --a life of service. Well, are you aware of the treatment for this, Thoril? Yeah, I'm aware of it. And really, after this incident, I really don't want to know about anything that could potentially happen next. Rodswell says as he spits in his hands. [LAUGHTER] Well, I don't have a problem doing this right here. This is very clinical for me. So Rodswell reaches down and grabs Thoril. [LAUGHTER] Whoa! Duh. Look at the dick hanging. This-- wow.

Is this it? Is this what you're hiding? 32. 32. [LAUGHTER] Dirty. Dirty. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm freaking out. [COUGHING] Somebody's choking. You just grabbed Thoril's dick in full view of the town. [LAUGHTER] Stranger danger. Stranger danger. We had to wait till we got through the gate for this, didn't we? Yeah. Do we see this happening? Yeah. The rest of the group, roll a perception check, please. Your brain hurts well. I actively am not looking. I-- Nope, you have to roll a perception check. 18, yes. [LAUGHTER] 19.

We're going to roll high now. I'm crying. How about-- [LAUGHTER] 13. --fucking great, this is. Watch Malkus be the one. [LAUGHTER] Oh. OK, well-- And a 19 and 18. There seems to be some dynamics in our group, but I'm still-- [LAUGHTER] I had to grab this one with both hands. The only-- the only people who do not see this are-- [SIGH] --are Draconis and Malkus. Yenward and Ironhide-- Look. --catch full view of-- Two worst fucking people. Rodswell reaches into Thorol's leather slacks and appears to be rummaging around the front of the slacks while Thorol looks uncomfortable.

Rodswell does not see the problem here. [LAUGHTER] OK. To him, this is very clinical. This is what he had to do to get the job done, and he did it, and he did it, and he did it, and he did it, and he did it. Right. You-- you are cured of your ailment, Thorol. [LAUGHTER] Your dirty trousers are still in effect. Rodswell washes his hands. Yes, I would do that right away because-- [LAUGHTER] --for, like, eight reasons, yes. [LAUGHTER] Wow. [LAUGHTER] What do you say to this? [LAUGHTER] You're in town. So you're riding-- you're pretty much still at the entrance of town.

Like, everyone's kind of riding along, and as soon as you-- so what happens is you ask, like, can we come in? There's some things we need to do. Sure. I don't see-- [LAUGHTER] I don't see where that would be a problem. Does anybody want to ask Rodswell what it was? Crabs my dick. Wait a second. I think we're going to have to save this for the campfire scene. Wait a second. So you wander into town, and immediately, Thoril shits himself, which no one would really know about. But right after that, Thoril and-- Thoril and Rodswell kind of link up horses, and he jams his hand down the front of his pants.

And it's like, there's no two ways to take this. There's no, like, hey, you got a bug down there. It's not like it's-- there's no-- like, it's just-- Got your nose. [LAUGHTER] I really want someone to ask me about this. I really want to buy it. Well, now we're going to be at the campfire scene. We've got to save some for the finale. Ironhide and-- Ironhide and-- This is why nobody respects the priesthood anymore. They can't control it. [LAUGHTER] It was a topical joke. You can edit that out. [LAUGHTER] No, no, no. I like it. That was good. The delivery was good.

You waited for it. I like it. Do Ironhide or Yenward say anything to them? Because otherwise-- This is going to snigger. You guys are-- you guys are gross. How far are they away? Like, how many yards? We're back. We've come back. OK. You guys are actually near a chapel. [LAUGHTER] Nice. Could-- I closed doors. In front of God's house, Rodswell. Well, now, there are some towns-- there are some towns in Theria that are a bit more open-minded. And it just so happens that Andre and Danny are exchanging vows today. Aw. Oh, god damn it. And Danny is going to walk over to Rodswell and just pat him on the back.

He's like, good for you guys. Good for you. You-- you might want to take it inside, but I mean, good for you. Displaying, you know, public displays of affection like that. That's good for you. Did this turn into a sitcom? I'd like to nod in agreement with Andre. Yeah. Good for you. Danny and Andre give you-- I do care for Thorold very much. And I don't have a problem with what I did. I did what needed to be done. And Danny's just going to shake his head, yeah. Sometimes it needs to be done. I totally get it. He had a problem, and I fixed it. That's all I got. Jesus.

Fix the situation. It's a burning fire only Rodswell can put out. [LAUGHTER] When did this turn into a sitcom? When did this-- But I can never-- I can never disclose the reason. I've been sworn to secrecy. I need some. Andre's going to-- Andre's going to reach out and try and shake Thorold's hand, because it looks like-- well, it looks like Rodswell's is a bit dirty. Andre's going to reach out and try and shake his head. Andre Romero, how are you? Good, good. Thorold Songstil. You guys look like you're new to town. We very much are. It's like you can smell it on us. [LAUGHTER] Do you need anybody to show you around, or you-- do you know what you're here for, or-- Do you happen to have any clothing shops?

We love shopping. [LAUGHTER] It's a low-hanging fruit, but OK. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, you might want to try the Prosperous Traveler that's down the street. Do you guys look for an inn? Absolutely. Yes, that would be very helpful too, yes. OK. If you go to-- let me see, who's open right now? And he's kind of thinking, Danny is going to catch a whiff of something. Oh, no. Right away, Thorold. [LAUGHTER] It smells like shit. [LAUGHTER] In this area, not so much here, but right here. [LAUGHTER] You know, Jason, I think it's pretty bigoted you gave the gay character a lisp.

It's fucked up. He doesn't have a lisp. He spits when he talks. He does not. Oh, come-- oh, oh, oh. Really? It's a shot at Thorold. I saw it. No, I got it. It took me a minute. Oh, OK. I thought you were moving somewhere else. Took me a minute. [LAUGHTER] Sorry. Well, you could try the red roof. Well, it's the building with the red roof, obviously. It's a real hotel, Jason. The red roof pit. It's a joke, because it's-- I know. I like it. It's not the first fucking reference we've done in this show. Let's not act like all our hands are clean, OK? [LAUGHTER] One of ours is really dirty. [LAUGHTER] That's me. [LAUGHTER] Shit, pause.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. Other than that, it's just kind of local shops. So nothing-- it looks like you guys are out for adventure. So I don't think that's really going to be for you. I'm going to ask, where is the leadership at, the mayor or whatever? Oh, you're looking at him. Oh, nice. Stab goes to the fucking heart. [LAUGHTER] Diplomacy. [LAUGHTER] The Warford Union stab. It's just like it's a misunderstanding this entire time. The Warford word for diplomacy is stab. When they're saying the word that they're trying to do-- [LAUGHTER] Sorry. This is a giggly, stupid session.

So Andre's going to reach his hand out to shake on their nines. OK. I'm going to motion him aside and talk to him a little bit. Does anybody else want to join me? Is this a diplomacy thing, or is this something separate? Yes, diplomacy. We're asking for armies. Then you should probably call Malkus over, because Malkus failed the perception check and has just been searching for contacts. Malkus, get over here. Shouldn't we all go if this is the thing now that we're all a part of? You need to wash your hands. Can Thoril go to the inn and-- Thoril can absolutely go to the inn.

Wait a minute. We had this huge argument about everyone being involved in things, and then all of a sudden we want Malkus-- We're just talking about what's going on right now. What? Malkus-- hold on. Malkus brings up a good point. Because they don't know. Malkus brings up a good point. Is it everybody, or is it select few? What I'm saying is that we go and talk to him right now, and then catch people up on what the situation is. That's all we're asking right now. That's what people get mad about. That's what makes the people who are left out furious, that exact thing.

Thoril has no problem getting caught up with later. Yeah, there's nobody saying-- there's nobody doing any stabbing right now. We're just asking questions about what's going on with you, the dwarves, and the orcs. Then when everybody gets over here, everybody all meets up, we'll say, and we explain to everybody what happened. OK, OK. So we're having club sandwiches and tea and talking to him. We're just-- Yeah, we ain't making no decisions. We're figuring out what his life's like. Yeah. OK. I'd like to wash my hands and then catch up with them when I'm done.

OK. Get your hands-- I'll go with-- I'd like to go wash up, change pants, and join them when they're done. OK, so you're heading over to the Red Roof. [CLEARS THROAT] And-- [CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me. So that makes Thoril and Rodswell, who are heading over, right? Yeah. Yeah. How-- OK, what did you want to say to Andre? I just asked him exactly what's going on. Why is it such a military town? Why are there such-- why are there guards out running the gates and the walls and such? Play call. Well, you can't be too safe. Have you done any traveling up north? No.

Well, in the past, we've had a bit of an orc problem. A vampire problem, too, but that was taken care of years ago. OK. Like, how long ago? For the orcs or vampires? Vampires. Oh, this was over two decades ago, I guess. That was us. Maybe not. OK, but-- Well, you've never been to this town. Well, who knows? Maybe we have. And he said over two decades ago. Shut up. They're even here. I'm going to ask him now, you don't have a problem with the dwarves. You just have a problem with the orcs? Well, the dwarves have never given us any problem. We have some dwarves who live here in town.

I mean, they're not from Stone Sunder, but yeah, I mean, they seem to be good enough people. OK. At this point, I'm going to lay it down on the line. If Malchus does not want to jump up and say-- [LAUGHTER] I'm going to-- I'm just going to come out and say, like, listen, the Overwatch-- I'm going to explain our situation of the Overwatch. So you're putting down the tea and sandwiches? Yes. I don't drink. I don't eat. [LAUGHTER] I'll have his. I don't even know why I was holding him in the first place. I look-- I look stupid. Sometimes I just like to participate.

Yeah. I want to be like you guys. I'm tired of eating my kids. Oh, Ironhide's theme song is "I Want to Be Like You" from the Jungle Book now. All right, so I guess that would be-- unless Malchus does not want to jump up and participate. Like, that's cool. I'm going to explain to him, like, OK, this is what's going on with the Overwatch. We're going to need soldiers. And if there isn't anything that we can do to get you on our side, what is this? So to be clear, you're actively trying to convince him at this point? Yes. OK. Intimidate. Because that was the opposite of what you said you were going to do of what we had agreed upon.

I'm just saying, you had an hour-long conversation about how we need to trust each other. Everyone gets a vote. And then you tell the group you're doing one thing, and then immediately you do the other thing. That's right. I lost my head for a second. Too much power. Yeah, I'm not the only one who didn't pay attention. That's right. But it was the shit he said. OK, firstly, where am I? Why is my pants filled with shit? You shit my pants. All right, yeah, I'll just shit my pants. I'll wait for everybody to get on inside the room. So you mention this to him, and then he's like, "No reason." I'll say, "I'll wait until everybody comes back, because we need to talk to you about something." That's highly irregular.

You just asked me a question. You don't want me to answer? Well, just put a pin in it. Good job. Put a pin in it, mister. And he's going to kind of look at you like, "All right, it's kind of a special day for me. I kind of have to get back to some business here. I'll be around. Catch up with me in a little while, though, OK?" Of course. And he kind of awkwardly eyeballs Ironhide a bit. I still have my eyes on. OK, that's really weird. And because Ironhide doesn't really blink, it's just a weird stare. I just keep nodding my head and saying, "All right." It's a really weird exchange that just took place.

You built my jaw all weird. Let's shoot over to the Red Roof. Tyler's found his britches. So Thoril and Ron Swell walk in. You should do a roll of how a queen they are. He's been rolling high, man. He's been doing it. Well, hold on. We know they're dirty. There's no reason to like-- I'm saying as he's queening, how queen are they? I don't think Wizards of the Coast really sat down in pitch meetings and came up with a skill check that would come up with how thoroughly did this guy shit his pants. It's a flat-to-s**t stancher. Eleven would be like, it's queen.

It doesn't stink, but you can still see that something-- an accident. An eleven? Really? Not in my book. One is like, you didn't even bother. I'm just saying, if Eleven's halfway up the chart, that's some shitty pants. That's still shitty pants. But whatever. Shove him in the bottom of the wastebasket. Either way. Oh, God. All right. Oh, boy. Focus, gentlemen. All right. So walking into this establishment, there's a young lady, kind of all perky and happy to see you behind the counter. Hi, I'm Rebecca. Welcome to the Red Roof. Would you like a room? Yes, please. Very much so.

Okay. Just sign your name right here in the guest book. It's going to be 15 gold for the whole night, right? Yes, absolutely. Okay, fantastic. It's going to be you and your? I don't know if we need it for the whole night. We just need to clean up. An hour should be okay, right? Do we really need it for the night? I got enough. Let's just do a night, just in case. You never know if we're going to stay here or not. We could be here all, yeah. I mean, we don't know. Yeah, you're right. We don't know. This might happen again. We don't know. So you're right. We have some really romantic sights around town, honestly.

If you do stay the whole night, I'm sure you'll be happy with it. Yeah, this town does look beautiful, so. I don't know why the romantic one. From what I've seen of it, it does look very lovely. Then I hand her the 15 gold. Okay. When you reach across the counter... Oh, Jesus. Shit all over your hands. Well, there's kind of a waft. There's a... and you can tell instantly, like she catches a whiff of... of... of... of thoral essence. File shit. Just this horrible nightmare of shit you told me. You could tell it's like, "Ooh." Like... like... It just... it haunts the expression on her face.

So she kind of... she hands you a key. It's upstairs on the left. You can't miss it. It's number three. And Paul really gets both sides of the equation here. He gets the... gets the hot nights and then he gets the slapstick. He does. He got to be super stud James Bond last time. And he's like a beast in combat. So let's... you know, he's got to take his lumps. His pants. Clearly he needs to be humiliated outside of combat. That's just... hey, I... this is how he chose to deal with the situation. I'm just giving him a situation. At the same time, the first time he... he chose to fight, he went after the hot... cold ball though.

Oh my word. That was... Let's not make references to episodes that people... we recommend people don't listen to in the first place. You know what I'm saying? They gotta... they gotta pay the dues. They're gonna listen to those good episodes. They have to level up his listeners. They have to grind our first episode. They have to grind. You don't have number one D&D podcast. Number one, you guys. Number one. You don't have that without certain episodes. I stayed up all night writing that. As Thorl and Rod Swell are kind of traipsing up the stairs, she's gonna... we have showers!

Thorl's just gonna be back. Yes, thank you very much. I will test the limits of them. Been through quite a day. So you're kind of waddling off to the next episode. So, let's skip the part where we do clean up. Let's just assume that... that Thor has his well in hand. Let's cut to... let's say a good half hour, 45 minutes later. A freshly washed Thorl Sewing Steel. And Rod Swell, I guess, are gonna reconvene with the party. Yeah. Hey boys. Just out of curiosity, in the room, was there one bed or two? This is romantic, so it's probably one. Heart shaped bed? No bed.

There's a harness hanging from the ceiling. You put a piece of gold in and it vibrates. I'm sorry, I had to go for one second. We really took place today, didn't we guys? So, Jason, while he's gone, I have a question. Sure. The stuff... okay. I made the thing about, you know, not wanting to cross paths with the dwarves that I had a problem with. If I were to do a check on that, would that be a streetwise check? Or, like if I wanted to ask around about them? That specific pack of dwarves? Yes. I mean, you could do that. I mean, you're looking for them in town here or at Stonesunder?

Well, I was figuring, I mean, you said there's dwarves here. I was figuring maybe we could ask a dwarf, because they might be familiar with it. I mean, would it be... is there no reason to it? Are they not familiar with what's... Well, it's kind of like walking up to a black dude and ask him just randomly if you know another black dude. You know, I mean, just because they're dwarves doesn't necessarily mean they know. I know what you're saying, but yeah. I could ask... can I ask a dwarf somewhere if anyone here is from Stonesunder? Oh, sure, you could do that.

Yeah, totally. Okay. And that wouldn't be in kind of check, it would just be... Well, that's just casual conversation. Okay. So, I'll wait until Ironhide gets back. Yeah, I don't know, he just bailed. I don't know what happened. This is the dumbest episode to that. It's pretty fun. It's fun. It is. It's totally fun. We needed one of those after the darkness of that last episode. I know, it tends to be that way too. We have one super serious episode and then we all come in and everyone expects another one and then we just goof off for three hours. Alright, I'm back.

Okay. So, on my way to convening with the party, if I see a dwarf, I ask them if there's any dwarves in town that are from that area. From Stonem... what's it called? Stonesunder? Stonesunder, yeah. Yes. Which is really this huge mountain range of... yeah, so they've carved out all of the stuff. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, that's why they want that place. It's basically one huge Minecraft project they've been working on and they're just like, "Oh, whoa, you're trying to reset our server? No, no, no." Like, that's kind of... yeah. So, you're just wandering up to just any old dwarf and just asking them...

A friendly looking one, yeah. As friendly as dwarves get, yeah, sure. How do you want to approach them? Um... Uh... Hello, Sir Roswell Joypatom. Hi. He's kind of... Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, you go. Uh, he's a little bleary-eyed. So, he's drunk. He's drunk! Yeah, he's drunk. He's racist. Um... I hate to bother you, do you have a moment of time? Sure, what do you need? I was just wondering if you knew of anybody in the area that may be familiar with Stone Thunder? I... yeah. It's... North of here. Yes. Do you know anybody from the area that I might be able to speak with?

Not in town, no. Most of them... Most of them don't leave the mountain. If they're there, they're there to fight or carve. I should probably have somebody who's traveled back and forth between the towns, or... Uh... I don't know. It looks like he's gonna vomit. Okay. Do you need a moment? Do you want me to step away? I'm good, I'm ready. Could I run a heel check on him? That's not gonna solve drunken business. A slight righty check. Eat this bread. Dude, how about a heel check? Eat this bread. You need to eat something, sir. Eat this bread. God damn it. Yeah, he's just...

I don't know of anyone in town, no. Okay. I see I'm not getting anywhere with him, so... I thank him for his time, and I throw him a couple gold and say, "Next one's on me." And he's just kind of like rapidly nodding his head, like, "Mm-hmm, mm." Like he's going to go throw up something. A conscious decision to find some place that I can throw up at. I need to go settle down. Today's done with me. Okay, so we got the whole party together. Thoril's cleaned up. His dick no longer itches. I imagine you want to go talk to Andre again. Yeah, I'd say so, probably.

Okay, I figured Ironhide would take the lead on this, because that was his idea. Well, we had to wait. Why? Why do you have to wait? No, I fucked up. I understand. They catch up on what happened, I assume, before we go up there? Nothing at all. Nothing happened, really. Don't worry about it. Your hands washed? You feel better? Yeah, I'm good. Rob, come on, man. Help me out here. Okay, at this point I'm going to have to... So everybody's in the room, right? I get it. That's where you're trying to... Like, you're going to the mayor's office, basically. That's what you're saying.

Okay, yeah. I'm going to have to... I want to say on a serious note, I'm going to say this right to Rod's will. We're trying to get these people on our side. If you're going to grab a Thoril, please do him the privacy of your own will. We can't spook these people. I can't tell you what I was doing, but I assure you it won't happen again. You don't have to break it off. I'm just saying, please, if you're going to do something like that, please do it when you're alone. I mean, really, that's up to Thoril. That's going to sound completely different to the party.

I know. Kotis is going to look a little confused, but he's not going to question anything. Thoril's just going to look over at Ironhide and just be like, "Just please, just leave it alone." It's been a trying day for me. Just leave it alone. Lover's bad. Trouble in paradise, I see. Okay. So we're reconvening at the mayor's office. I guess I tell the party that just like, it seems like we didn't have much to say or get out of him before we came to the impasse where we needed everyone present. So, yeah. So the mayor is free and able to see us again and everything?

Yes. The party's going to walk in and... What's up, fucker? Hi, how are you all doing? Did you get everything squared away? Are you ready to talk now? It seemed like you had something you wanted to tell me and then you just kind of cut things off. We just wanted to have everyone present. Nothing more. Oh, okay. Fantastic. What can I do for you gentlemen? We are... We're in the midst of trying to gather a force to resist the advances of the Overwatch. You may be familiar with their endeavors lately. Quite, yes. I suppose, first of all, if I'm just going to be straightforward about it, are you interested in joining that endeavor?

What exactly would you be asking of us? I'd be asking you to commit fighting men to a force that would eventually march on them and dismantle their existing power structure, which seems bent on conquering outward from there. May I ask whose banner you're flying under? Are you fighting for a city or are you just... Malchus just points a thumb at his chest and says, "Me." "This guy." And all of peace-loving Theria, for that matter, you have to admit. Oh, I thought you were pointing to the tabard. Well, no, wait. Well, I mean, he's kind of both. Okay. I'm not going to go over it by happenstance, but no, it's really...

More than anything, it's a matter of giving Theria back over to peace-loving peoples who don't desire to conquer it and reign over it in dramatic and tyrannical fashion. Well, that's quite a lot to think over. How many are in your army so far? We have support from minotaurs, elves, and clerics from Aubrey. And we still have Winterhaven. Along with that, the armies of Winterhaven and a resistance force that goes by the name the White Ravens. I'm going to speak up at this point. We have healers, we have archers, but we don't have any front-line soldiers.

I heard mention of minotaurs. You don't count those as front-line soldiers? There's too few. They're scattered. Ah. I would love to help you out, but I really can't dedicate too many of my men to an endeavor that would leave the city vulnerable, you understand. If, when it comes to this endeavor, it won't be a matter of the Overwatch having anywhere else to be. We will be knocking on their door. I understand that, and to be honest, I'm all for it. I think they're bigoted and narrow-minded, and I honestly believe that they should be overthrown. What I was referring to were the Orcs, just to the north of us.

They've attacked us for years, and the second we let our guard down and they sense weakness, they will take this town. I went to pipe up and say that if... It's obvious that we want something dramatic out of you, and we aren't willing to just walk away with your help. We want to help you out. Give you a fair shake. What are you suggesting? We can try to help you out with the Orcs. We aid you and the Dwarves in crippling the Orc forces, so at the very least you don't have anything to worry about for a long time. We're not suggesting something so dramatic as utter genocide.

We're just saying a crippling blow to their force so that they do not have the wherewithal to advance for some extended period of time. It would free you up to dedicate more forces to the Overwatch endeavor. Hmm. How do you plan on accomplishing this? You're men who are already resisting the Orcs, plus the Dwarves who, if I understand my history well, don't have much fondness for the Orcs either, working together alongside ourselves who have fought great and powerful creatures all across the continent. Together we rally, and we push back. I don't see a problem with that, honestly.

I would love to be rid of the Orcs once and for all. Finally something goes straightforward and simply. It's a pleasure. It's a pleasure. If you can pull off what you were suggesting, I would be happy to dedicate my new year calls. And he sticks his hand out to Malchus. Malchus shakes his hand. Alright. So, he got one half... See, I'm pretty good once I get past the not listening part. Yes! It's the old timers. There was a Sims 3 session that needed to be streamed. Really? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The only thing that was more straightforward than this right here was Rotswell making his move on Thoril.

Can I talk to the mayor for a second, see if he knows anything about it? Sure. This is where it all falls apart. I have to ask. It would be out of character. Sure, sure, sure. How familiar are you with Stone's Hunt? The mountain range itself or the dwarves who live there? The dwarves that live there. Well, reasonably. I've lived here in the area my whole life. Um, just out of curiosity, have you ever heard of a group called The Stray or someone named Rufus or Logan? Hmm. The Stray rings a bell. Kind of a bandit group, if I'm remembering correctly. Yes. I don't think they live in Stone's Under, to be honest.

They wouldn't, to my knowledge, be readily accepted there. From what I've always gathered, they're a bit more honor-bound, more craftsmen. Okay. I mean, don't get me wrong, they're fighters, but that's kind of what they do in Stone's Under. Okay. That's all I needed to know. Thank you, sir. Not a problem. So, half of this is in the bag. You're halfway home. My guess is that you were going to head north now and get to Stone's Under. Mm-hmm. Okay. Here's what I'd like you to do. Riding north, I want another flat detour check. Can we stop real quick somewhere? I wanted to ask him real quick if there's any postal service or a stable or something around.

For what? Okay. For delivering news back and forth. I imagine they have some place to deliver news back and forth or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's a mail service. Yeah. Okay. I'm asking him that. I guess he tells me something like where it is or whatnot. Yeah, they have the equivalent of a post office type of thing. Yeah. All right. I'm going to break away from the party for a second so I can say I had to deal with something real quick. I'll be right back. Okay. So, I guess I'm at the postal service or whatnot, right? I guess. I guess so. I'm screaming and flexing in the middle of their place saying, "I want some goddamn service!" Come on, Jason.

Make up a new voice. Postal worker, do it. That's more of a scream in this right in the middle of the story. "Cogney, now!" Do it. Do it, Australian. Tyler's a mail carrier, do Tyler? I was about to say, Tyler should be the one talking here. Come on, Tyler. That's his accent, everybody. We got it. Hi, I'm Terrence. Can I help you? Oh, it's too good. Suck my dick. Suck my dack. That's in character, right? That's what he would say at this point. Thor flies through the door of the post office. "The manly death is dicked up." My newly-healed dick. You could only be considered a lustful rage.

We gotta get out of view of Rockswell, though. All right. Ironhide is here. Go ahead. Okay. I'm gonna jot something down in a piece of paper. Fold it up and hand it to him. And I'm gonna say, "I need your fastest rider to ride this out for me." To where? I'm gonna scribble down a place. Fuck you. Odessia, is that it? Okay, yes. That's a place. All right, yeah, Odessia, I'm gonna scribble that down. It's all the way south. I'm gonna scribble down some info and stuff like that. It's gonna be like a list of... It's just gonna be like a letter. And I'm gonna hand it to him and say, "Here's 500 gold." That's pretty far.

You know it's gonna take a while, right? Yeah, I got you. I know. This isn't necessary, the 500? I don't need all this. All right, well, how much will it cost to have you sigh right now? That's what I hear about these postal service... Thank you! That's worth at least 200. I'm sorry, I swear to God, Jason, when you talk, I think it's Tyler. That's a really good Tyler. You gotta sound like you don't give a shit more. I'm just gonna mute my mic and get some food. I didn't request this, Tyler! Jason, why are you muting your mic? I don't get it. Let's go... It's uncanny, really.

Okay, I'm gonna jot down the stuff, hand it to him, and say, "I need your fastest rider to ride this out." How much is this gonna cost total? It would only be about 30 gold. All right, well, I'll throw in an extra 100. 50 for you and 50 for the rider. I need this out now. Okay, I'll get someone on it right away. Okay. Thank you for stopping at the Don't Hoist postal service. You sound like an Elcor. Tyler's part Elcor, that's great. Okay, we're done this, 'cause Tyler's gonna cut himself some. That Elcor performance of Hamlet ad gets me every time. I'm glad I'm not Tyler anymore, now Tyler's Tyler. *sigh* Um, some people, Ty, would take that as a form of flattery.

He's not even here anymore. Maybe I've sat up nights trying to perfect your patented voice. Yeah, but that impression is the sincerest form of flattery. I consider what just happened mockery. Well... It was beautiful. It was... I'm flattered, Jason. Thank you. Flattered. Flattered. Alright, so Ironhide just mailed something mysterious to a mysterious place for mysterious reasons. Y'all have some shitty fighters in this party. Oh, we're all so broken. It's for reasons. I love that the first hour of this episode is about transparency and honesty. Oh yeah, no, we're all... hypocrites are the best characters.

Hour one, building trust amongst each other. Hour two, tearing it all down. It's the goofiest session we've had in a long time. Yeah, it's true. Usually we're talking about like Auschwitz and shit, like it's been really dark for a real long time. I suppose. And then group three will go back to the dark, trust me. Yeah, they will. They'll kick babies into the sewer. It sounds like Rob is fed up with us. Well, he's a published author now. He doesn't need this. This is our tumor. I don't need you besmirching my reputation. That's right, that's a writer word. That's a big word.

I had someone send me an email full of writer words, but they were intermingled with a bunch of other words. I'm a serial killer, and I'm talking right now. I used the word "behoove" earlier. Can I be published too? Yeah, yeah, why don't you write that word about 67,000 more times? Alright. Is that what the books are? By the way, there's a number of words in the novel. I'll read it, and I'll get ice tea to read it, motherfucker. Pegasi. It's for who? It's just for who for chapters and chapters. So talkin' ol' motherfucker. I hope everybody takes this as the making fun of myself spirit that it's in.

Oh, no, dude, we don't hang out with assholes, so we don't think you're an asshole. You ordered pizza for us, Jake? Huh? What? You ordered pizza for us? Uh, no. Pizza, pizza, pizza. I love pizza. How did you know? I'm a vegetarian, Jake. You better go to cheese. Oh, man, we're gonna stay up way past midnight. I was just letting you guys know there's gonna be a doorbell that's gonna go off, and there's gonna be a dog that's gonna go off at some point. Hey, it's cool. I'll be editing all day tomorrow. It's fine. Doorbell will go off, the dog, and then the gun will.

Fuck, if I have a life. As long as you're aware of what will happen, then I'm ready to go then. You put up both versions, Jason. Just give me both. Fuck, I have a life. This is epic- I don't! Like, this is like, I record two sessions. I've been up since 5am prepping and recording, and then tomorrow it's just like, let me sift through the ashes of what we did yesterday. I'll let you B-side, alright? We get one B-side. Alright, Jason, it's gonna be beautiful there. You can stop fishing for compliments now. I'm not fishing- no, no, no, no, no, no. It's beautiful and you're beautiful.

It would even scare me if the episode that brings us over 2500 because of you and your genius. Oh, suck my dick. Oh, you said it too, now. Better than a Tyler. Alright, let's see, um- We need to lay off this before it really does get personal. I like compliments and I certainly don't like sarcastic compliments. Are you sure you're doing the best you can, Jason? Thank you, that's more like it. Tyler, that genius got you a twist and a jerk earlier in this episode, so I'd lay off. Jason, I love you. I love you too, man. Still gonna hug the shit out of you and June.

I'm not sure, I don't understand. Uh, here's what's gonna happen, guys. Shut up. Here's what's gonna happen. Okay. In the field in front of you are a number of orcs. And, uh, where's- No. Oh, come on, you. I'm gonna set this one up, guys. So, in the field in front of you, you can't miss them, it's just this pack of orcs. Now, what's interesting about these, they don't appear to be attacking, but they're not getting out of your way, either. Unlike a lot of mindless things that you fought, they just appear to have more purpose, like they're there to prove a point, like you're not getting past them.

That's the point. Unless anybody else has any problems, I want to confront them. Step- just a few steps in front of everyone else. Can we talk about what we're gonna say? Yeah, can we talk- do we have time to talk about this? I'll give you a couple of minutes, you're not getting an hour. Not at least one minute, though. I just want to bring up one point, real quick. We haven't talked to the dwarves yet, we don't know how cooperative they're gonna be. I don't know if we want to go into this blazin', I don't mind getting into a fight if it doesn't work out, but, see what I'm saying?

If we screw this up and screw the dwarves up, then we get nothing. What if we punch these guys in the nose hard enough, they have to respect us? Yeah, I agree, let's lie to them and proceed. Okay, I'm gonna scream "Get the fuck out of the way!" Okay, roll an intimidate check. Let's lie- we can lie to them, if they ask us what's going on. So, the big guy in the middle. Yeah, he's there. His name's Grog. Ironhide is going to approach him, correct? Yes. Okay, what do you want to say to Grog? Um, fucking dorans will push up or something, I don't know, I can't speak.

I'm going to say "Hey, what are you doing here?" Are we going for diplomacy or are we going for a bluff? Tell them we need to get by. I'm going to say "Hey, what are you doing here?" Seriously? That's nine. That's about what you get with a nine. This is the bathroom. It's times like this that I forgot that Malchus is trained, I just assumed Ironhide was, so... Why would you assume that based on anything that's happened on this show? In Intimidate? I thought he was going up to Intimidate. He's diploma-sizing! Oh, well that's an extremely poor idea. Too bad I didn't stop it from happening.

I have piracy. Alright, we all agree, the council agreed, diploma-size. Okay, stop. I'm good at this. Here's what's going to happen. Ironhide's going to walk up to the orc. The orc's going to hear you say some really, like, words words words, "Don't fucking care." Now, this guy is holding twin battle-axes, right? Fuck you. Guys, step on him. And he's got one kind of holstered on his side, and he raises the battle-axe up, and slices his own chest open with it. Holy shit. That's a powerful one. And then uses his other hand to smear the blood around his own chest, never breaking eye contact with Ironhide.

Alright, this is something. And then he just holds his bloody hand up towards Ironhide, and it's like shaking, like his whole head's pulsating, like he's so angry. He's into this. Malchus leans over to Rodswell. And says, "You know, I don't want to argue with you, but I think the dwarves were the better choice. I think this was ultimately, we did a good thing when we said go with the dwarves." Once again, I have a problem with certain dwarves, not all dwarves. Okay, well, I'm just saying, it's going to work out. Thoril comes close to shitting his pants again.

This time without the influence of STD. Can I have a heel check on the man who just cut himself? You're killing yourself, sir! That's going to get infected. That axe is rusty. So this orc's just going to give it a couple of seconds, and then seeing that he doesn't get exactly the reaction he was, it's kind of like, it's kind of this bark/roar, just like, and it echoes through this field. Alright. He's got some damage though, I mean that's pretty good. Can you ask him if we can get by? I said, "Hey, how are you?" I know, that was the worst thing I've ever heard.

You're right. Now Ironhide just needs to be like, "I bet you can't do that twice." Just get him to keep cutting himself. I'm going to do a history check on that axe, because that could be doing the fighting for us. If that's going to give tetanus or something like that, we just walk away. Just later, he's dead. We win. Wait, let's get the orcs to fight each other! We didn't kill him. Time killed him. Okay, I'm going to use stealth to sneak past him. I'm going to use Intimidate. Okay. Are you good at that one? I want to go back, I like Rob's idea of trying to get him to cut himself again.

I respect your language, you're speaking filthy orc. Okay, I'm going to use Intimidate. Plus five. Oh, you're not good at that one either! That was a crit. Why are you letting me do this? You didn't step forward, man. I'm going to say, "Move aside." Back the fuck up. Okay. Normally, a 20 would be pretty good. This isn't good, though, is it? This is a guy who's cutting himself to show you how to... I'm doing this to me. Wait till I do stuff to you. In one motion, what do you say to him to try to Intimidate him? I pull my sword out and I get down like a crouch. Like I'm ready to charge and say, "Back the fuck off." Okay.

He is going to make an attack against Ironhide. Holy shit! And he's going to throw a hatchet at him. Wow! So, let's... Oh, man. This could get really... 28 versus your reply. It just barely, definitely hits me. It's so dumb. Oh, God. So, where is Ironhide actually? He's not right near us again, is he? Yes, he's right... Well, I... He said he was in front of us. Yeah, I step only like a few steps, but every block is like five feet. Yeah, so let's say you're right in front of the... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't run away. That hatchet lands square in Ironhide's chest cavity.

Like, just bam, right there. That's going to do 15 damage. I take a few steps back like, stomp, but I stay. I keep strong. He should smear his motor oil on his chest. Just like check what he did. And then, Grosch is just going to kind of... And everyone roll initiative. Okey-dokey. That's good. That's great. Man, I am so glad we didn't choose to partner up with these guys. That would have been really awkward. Just cutting the cells open, smearing it all around. Five. They're fucking crazy. Man, you were not kidding. You did not lie to us. These guys are fucking retards.

We got to kill them. Factually accurate things that happened. Geez, 14 is not great, but you're in the front line. Guess what? Draconis, go ahead. Draconis jumped. Yeah, what's going on? Why is everyone moving their pieces? Oh, that was me just showing that I can move shit. Oh, yeah, why am I all the way up in the front line? You're in the front line, Draconis. This is not right. He's getting pushed out there. This is not right, you guys. This is fucked. I think I was right there, somewhere close to there. Alright. Seeing what's going on, I just saw Hatchet go straight into Ironhide.

So I am going to conjure a fireball. It's a fan favorite. Alright, and... Let me put down the AOE here real quick. Alright, here we go. You ready for me to roll? Go ahead. Which one are we doing first? Let's go right down the line here. Let's go with Groff's first. Alright, here we go. 26, 2, yeah, that'll do. Alright, number 3, I guess. Yep. Number 3, 28. That'll hit too. And 1. 16. To what? Reflex. That'll hit. And number 5. You hit everyone. Alright, well let's see how hurt they are. How much they don't like to pay. 20 fire damage. 1, okay, so let's see. Fireball just arcs across the battlefield.

Splashes down next to Groff, so that's a thing where he's just like, "Ugh!" Just like he's encased in flames. The 3 orcs standing next to him, 1, 3, and 5, are going to burst into flames and die. I didn't want to say this around all my friends, but since I'm here only talking to Jason, because no one else can hear me, the nature of Groff is very terrifying. That fucker looks like he is incapable of listening to reason. He's completely unhinged. I can't help you. Pay me now! Like that's screaming and grinding to somebody. Oh shit. Alright, well I just killed those fuckers, so...

Ah, and she's going to take 20 damage. I'm going to take away my AOEs. There's no lasting effects on that one. Groff's turn. Yeah, that's a tough name to... Is there a couple Fs in there? No, it's Groff. Groff. Groff. Really, it's Groff. You sound dumb when you say that. You can't say it fast, like, "Hey, Groff!" What? Groff is going to... Surrender. You got him. He's going to run straight at Ironhide, and he's going to take his bloody palm and grab the other battle axe from his little holster thing. The place is going to grab me? That's fucking gross. 30 versus AC.

Yeah, you get me. Okay, so that's an axe swing. Five, ten damage. Alright, that's not bad. Okay. And... Rotswell, your turn. Okay, saddle it up behind him here. First off, I'm going to use Mark of Victory on homeboy here. That's racist, but okay. Okay. Mark of Victory? So, until the end of the encounter, you and your allies gain a +2 power bonus to attack rolls and damage rolls against the target. That's forever. Oh, shit. Congratulations, guys. That's a minor action. So, as my attack, I'm going to use Pariah's Curse. So, that's d20 plus 16, and then plus 2 because of...

Do you have to work on victory on them so it goes in, or are we just going to add it on? Just add it on. Okay, so plus 2, and then I'll give myself plus 1 for being... Oh, then plus 2 for being behind him. So, that's plus 18, plus 20, plus 21. Jesus Christ. Plus, as long as you don't shit the bed on your roll, then... So, it's... whatever. 24, 24 versus CC? It's 24, and then plus another 4... Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It already has stuff added on it, though. No, it doesn't. My attack is d20 plus 16. I'm flanking, and I have the... Okay, that hits, then.

Good Christ. I thought you added the pluses, then it's like plus another plus. I just hit the dice in the Prius Curse screen. Right, yeah, you can just add it. Okay, so that's cool. Yeah, you fucked him up. Okay, you hit him. So, that's 2d8 plus 8 plus 2, so 2d8 plus 10. So, 12 damage on him. Okay. 12 damage? Any enemy that ends its turn adjacent to the target takes 10 damage, and that lasts to the end of the encounter. Suck! Okay. You fucked him up. Let's see, orc number 4... Orc Warrior is going to sidle up Ra's Al behind... Behind Rodswell and use his battle axe.

Running the train. Yeah, get behind... oh, wait, plus 2, so 23. Oh, that is Ra's Al. Yeah. So, that is 6 damage to Rodswell. Aight. And, Thoril, your turn. Oh, question real quick. Is he bloodied? I mean, is there blood? No. Okay, because he cut himself before, so I didn't know if he had blood on him. That doesn't count as bloodied, no. Well, I knew it didn't count stat-wise, but I didn't know because of Malchus's power that he has, where if he sees his... No, no, that's bloodied. Good try, though. Cool. Alright, since Thor is coming behind Rodswell, and definitely since he helped me out, I'm going to sidle up next to Thor.

For a minor action, and I know Merlin really wants me to start using these, Orcs can be considered large enemies, correct? They would be large. I think they're medium. They're like people, so it's... I'd be large, and I'd tower over them. Hey, you're in charge. You're not large. Large means it takes up four spaces on the map. Yeah, like... Fuck me. So a Titan Elite would be large, right? Titan Elite would be bigger than large. That's huge. Have we fought anything large? Worm? Oh, the worms, yeah. Bear. Bear was large. Drauk was large. I'm charging attacks, so... I do.

Yeah, I'll just... Stick with the Orcs. Yeah, sorry Merlin. You've disappointed me. I'll figure it out later. Um, I think I actually would have had enough moves to get behind Thor, If I can do that real quick. One, two, three, four, five... I'd have enough moves. I'm going to get behind him so I get the... Well, you take an opportunity attack, though. Like, counting it back, you have to walk past him to get to that. You have to cut through diagonally, otherwise you'd have to swoop around. You know what I'm saying? You were starting down here, so... Yeah, I'll just do it like this.

I won't take the plus two. I have enough faith in the dice rolls today. Okay. I don't know why, but I do. CD 20 plus 15 for melee basic attack. 21 versus AC. 21 will hit. Oh wow, okay. Um... 2d8 plus 12... Shit, I hit my clock. Hang on. Uh, 20 damage. Uh, that will kill him. This Orc's going to take an axe to the chest and... And just fall down. Um, anything else? I think that's it. Okay. Orc number two is going to run up to Thoril. Oh no. And take a swing... Why am I doing this? I could just click this button. There you go. 29. Yeah, that'll hit. And 16. Um, I'm going to do reactive shift.

Since he ended his turn adjacent to me, I get to shift. Number of squares equals my wisdom modifier, which is three. And I'm just going to back up just a little ways here. Just kind of give some of these other guys a little chance to run in on them. Okay. He died. Sorry, my bad. I'm here, I'm here. Okay, so it's my turn. It is your turn, Jarek's turn. I'm going to first... Flanking is a plus two modifier for attack rolls, right? Yes. And I'm going to use a Geass of Assault on Groveish Landlord. Who's going to call him? That's his name. That's his title. He's a landlord.

He's pissed. Yeah, Grosh. And then I'm going to use Purifying Wounds daily. A channel. So 28 against IC. That'll hit. Bam. Intelsify damage and ongoing five fire damage save ends. When the target takes ongoing five fire damage, each enemy adjacent to the target takes five fire damage. Interesting. Here's the damage for it. And it's 30. Holy shit. 32. 32 for Mark of Victory. 32 Mark of Victory. Look at that. 32 damage. Gorgeous. But, excellent job. I'm going to catch him my action point. Okay. Three. Bang. That hits him and it kills him. Ah, that's going to miss. How about 21?

That's going to miss. Mark of Victory adds two on this. That fucker's AC Slater is pretty good. AC Slater is pretty good. Hot. Malchus. God damn it. Malchus, go ahead. Okay. They fucking blew it. I'm going to go now. This train must keep going. I am behind you. Wait a second. Let's go. Let's speed up the main dude. That's how we do. Really hard to face. Yeah, that's where it's going. I'm going to do Soul Eater. My go to, my standard here. D20 plus 15. I'm allegedly speedy, so we'll say 16. So I'll... Did you? Plus two. Plus two. Oh, and the plus two, which, so 24, 25, 26, 27.

That'll hit. Versus AC. Yeah. Damage. Am I getting any damage bonuses from you? Plus two. Okay. Oh, plus two deck. Oh, wow. Okay. Lots of stuff. So add two more to that for 22 necrotic damage. 22 necrotic damage. Very nice. As I stabulate him. Stabulate. Now I did more damage than you. Are you going to accept that? Or are you going to catch the action? Uh, action point. Yes, it's a competition. It's legless and gimly. Now, with my, oh wait, but my plus two from, ah, my plus two is redundant now with the plus two I'm already getting. Oh, yeah. Or wait, do you only give me a plus two to my next attack or do all attacks made against this guy?

All attacks. Okay, so it's... Until the end of the encounter, you and your allies get a plus two power bonus to attack and damage rolls. Gotcha. So it is, in this case, it's redundant just because I can't get two power bonuses. But anyway, so add two to this for a 34. That's the damage roll. Nevermind. We're going to try, we're going to walk that back and we're going to try an attack roll. Okay. An attack roll would be that button. 17, 18, 19 versus AC. That's going to miss. No, that's four. Versus four, yes. Yeah, that's still going to miss. Yeah! Ten more damage to you in this turn.

So that's all you can do. Okay, I'm going to saunter up here. And he threw a hatchet, so I'm going to throw my hatchet. Aw, shit. Quarterback, watch out. Sh-shuh. Plus two, 25 versus AC. That'll hit. Nice. And sh-shuh. Eleven damage with storm render. Plus 13. Plus two, yeah. Plus 13. Okay, so I'm sorry, plus two is 13. Okay, gorgeous. Draconis. Alright. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to move. One, two, three, four, five, six. Over to, hold on, right there. Please don't throw a fireball. Nope, I am going to use Burning Hands. This is a standard close blast five, so it's like, boom.

You're definitely going to hit your teammates. No, it's right there. No, that's not how a blast works. I thought a blast you said was like straight out, like in a... It goes out like... It goes out to a corner. Yeah, so it fans out. It just keeps going. Yeah, like you're throwing it out in an arc in front of you. It's not a kamehameha wave. Like it's not... No, don't do it. You can make your friends. I mean, I'm just telling you that that's... I could make my friends. So... I'm going to roll this. Okay. That's a crit miss. 13. That's against Grosj. Is that him or are we going like, am I doing it towards...

We're going down the line. You son of a bitch. So you miss, Grosj, go for Rodswell. Wouldn't he be first then if I'm going down the line? Well, that's your main... Okay, okay. Here's the next one. Unless you were targeting Rodswell. Go ahead. Rodswell, 23. That'll hit Rodswell. Ironhide? Ironhide, 19. Misses. That'll miss his reflex. And Malchus. 28. That'll definitely hit. Rodswell and Malchus. Go ahead and roll damage. Alrighty. This guy's like a negative one. Oh, by the way, if I miss, I do half damage. Just a heads up on that. The fuck is wrong with you? Just a heads up on that.

There's the... 13. 13 damage to Rodswell and Malchus and you get 6 damage to Grosj and... Don't forget to add 2. ...Ironhide. Oh, yeah. Add 2. Good call. Wait, what? Well, that's to Grosj, not the other... Not your teammate. Does the 13... Does 15 hit Grosj? No. Okay. Well, then never mind. No. Oh, I bloodied him, guys. You're welcome. As a reaction! Oh, nuns. You're not welcome? As a reaction, Grosj is going to use... Jesus, let's see here. Where is that triggered reaction? Sorry. Sweeping assault. Sweeping assault. I am so glad I backed up to where I was. You should be right now.

Basically, he is going to make a double axe attack against each person adjacent to him. He's going to swing. He's just going to start blindly, crazy swinging. So, let's start rolling damage attacks. So, let's start with Malchus. 33. That'll hit anything. And 30. That's great for Malchus. That's for Malchus. Oh, two attacks against me? Yes, he gets to make two axe attacks against him. My fucking God. Thank you, Diakonus. You helped us. That's eight damage and nine damage. What the hell? I made him bloody. That's a good thing. I made him pissed. My bad. I'm not the one that said retarded things to him and made him cut himself.

Ironhide would be too... That was your idea. Ironhide, 24 against your AC. That one hits. And 32. Oh, that one hits too. Thank you, Diakonus. 14 and 14 damage. Well, you know... Rodswell, 16 to your AC. That's a crit miss, never mind. And 31. And 10 damage. So that's 28 damage to Jerrig on this turn. Jesus. Piece of shit. What was the total to me here? Hold on. I took six from Diakonus coming through. Eight and nine. Eight and nine. Okay. Because really, Diakonus damage was fire damage. Yes. Yeah, that shouldn't have hurt you, though. Yeah, this is just axe damage. Okay.

This is just weapon damage. Oh, my axe resistance. Okay. I'm part axe, everyone. Diakonus, are you done? You know what? I think that was a pretty good turn. I'm gonna end it on that. Okay, it's Graf's turn. Some bad. He's going... He's going to use Furious Onslaught and Inspire an ally in the area to... Oh, he needs to roll for the fire damage. Oh, you're right. No, I take fire damage. He takes fire damage. So that's five. And I get to roll a saving throw at the end of this. Don't worry. So he's going to Inspire his ally here to run forward and make an attack against Ironhide.

Damn. That's a minor action for him, so... Let me see. What's this guy's... Where's his attack? There we go. 21 versus your AC. Nope. Miss. Okay. So, anyway. Sheen. Sheen. He is going to use... He's just making an axe attack against Ironhide. Oh, jeez. 28. Well, that hits. And 14 damage. That will not knock me out. I'm proud to say. Not quite. He's going to pop an action point. And... Hits the same target with two axes. Okay. He's going to use... Okay, yeah. Assault and 20 to your AC. Who? You. No, that misses. Okay. And that's the end of his turn. Rotswell. Okay. First I'm going to use, as a minor action, I'm going to use Healing Word for Jarek.

And he gets... We're level... What level are we again? Level nine. So he gets 2d6. I'll roll that. Thank you. Plus your healing surge. It is a... Did-de-do. A four. Four plus a healing surge ain't bad. No. That's 13. And then... Wait, wait, wait. Let's build a breathing room. Right? I mean, how... Your healing surge is bigger than that. Hold on a second. You go to plus and then use surges. And then you go over to the surge bonus, which is four. That would be 23. Shit. How'd you know what my surge was? It tells you if you click the plus over your character and you go to use surges, it'll give you a little thing.

Go and do it yourself. Go ahead, Rotswell. Sorry. Okay. And then... So what's that going to bring Jarek to before I... I don't see where that is. Oh, Jesus Christ. Justin. Yeah? Look at the top of the screen on the right hand side. You see where your health is? Top of the screen on the right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking hell. Okay, I see. Then click the plus. Yeah. Okay. Oh. Then use surges. Okay. Go ahead. Sorry, Rotswell. Okay. So that's going to bring him to... Okay. Well, we're up. I'm going to use Resurgence Sun. It's D20 plus 16 plus four for flanking and for the other one.

So add four to this. Well, okay. Yeah, that hits. Yeah. I think that hits. And then... 35 will do it. 13 damage on him. 13 damage. And then that I will let Jarek use another Healing Surge. Hot damn. I like your face. You're all done? I'm going to shift away. Okay. Oh, by the way, I forgot. Did that count as a turn for the other guy? No. Oh, so he doesn't get the 10? No, that's the... I forgot to do a roll of saving throw for Grommash. Okay, he fails. Go ahead, Doro. All right. I'll move up to him to hit him as well. Just melee basic attack. 20 plus 15 plus two for combat advantage. 25 versus AC. 25 will hit.

All right. I'm actually going to use Power Strike. Hit an enemy with a melee basic attack. I get an extra one. Let's see, it would be D8 damage die. So it would be 3D8 plus 12 for the... Four to 10 because I have the thing on him. Okay, so a total of 32 damage. 32 damage. Bam. Gorgeous. Whip around here. D20. Let's do off-tune. Come on, come on. 21 versus AC. 21 will miss. What about 23? 23 will miss. How about Heroic Effort? That'll hit. Just catching everything. 27? 28? 27 will hit. 27, 9. That's totally it. All right. 2D6 plus 14. 18 damage. Well, 18 damage did...

Did you say you were using... Plus two. ...Power Strike? Okay, yeah, you used... Okay, cool, cool, cool. I got it. So 18 damage. 20, right? 20 damage, yeah. I keep forgetting about the plus two. Oh, yeah. Anything else? Fuck it, I'll pop an action point. Yeah. All right. X gonna break too. I'll throw that in the lookout. At this point, I don't care. As long as I don't die, I'm fine. Ah, shit the bed. 20, I'm afraid, will miss, sir. Where's 22? Because of that thing he has on. And flanking. Yeah, I already added the flanking again. Orc Warrior is going to swing at Malkus with a 26 for AC.

Wow. That will hit me. Six damage, sir. Okay. Now he gets 10 damage. Yeah, well I'm gonna rise first. Yes, okay. And he dies. Plus, he drops dead. Plus five damage. Yep. So he gets... Yeah, so he's dead. Ironhide, your turn. I'm gonna fucking switch. Right here. I'm gonna say motherfucker keeps hitting me. I'm gonna use War Force Resolve. It's, again, a number of temporary hit points equal three plus one and a half of my level. I'm gonna use Whirling Blade. Huh? I said, ooh, I'm gonna use it on Grosh. Well, I was guessing. He's the only one left. 31, almost a crit. Uh, versus AC, that'll hit.

Versus AC, it's 21 damage. 21 damage. Do you wanna do anything else? Was it being horrible? Oh, shit, he's not dead. He's pretty pissed. Um, I'm gonna X this off, because I already made that. So you flick your blade at this guy and it just cuts into his shoulder and he just looks at you, just like roars in your general direction. Like, he is clearly a psychopath. Um, I guess I'm done. Like, you ever hear, you ever see the kind of screaming where someone's head shaking because they're screaming so hard at you? No, I never experienced that before. You're supposed to be my friend.

What the fuck, dude? I just took your car keys for a second. Malkus. Okay. You're supposed to be my friend. That's all that psycho would say. Uh, we're gonna do another soul eater. That's the way you open. Um, 23, 24, 25. 25 against AC. 25 will hit. Uh, damage is... D12 plus 14. 19, 20 damage. Necrotic. How are you stabbing him? Oh, shit. Uh, you know, it's an edged blade, so it's kind of like just a slash across the front. Okay. Um, well that slash across the front was the slash that broke the camel's back. Um, and bits and pieces of this guy's innards are just gonna start spilling out of...

Oh, gross. Yeah, this is... I mean, that's how I planned it. Yucky's guys. You guys start saying, "Ew," and then you're like, "Yeah!" "Ew, yeah, we're victorious!" Fucking gross. Yeah, that's... man. This dude falls like just a heap of dirty laundry, just like, ugh, just... Just this big, like he's nothing but muscle. Just jacked muscle. Crazy fucking muscle. And just laying there, ugh. Um, and you are all out of combat. Yes. Good job, guys. Can I raid the body? I called it. Sure, you absolutely can. This Battle Axe, I imagine he's gonna be able to use 'em. Um, these are all...

I'll let him do it, sorry. Okay. Hey, Train. Thomas the fucking Tank Engines from Winter of the Game. I know what you fuckers did! So distinct. It's like he lives on the train tracks. It's amazing. Okay, it sounds like you're done. Usually it's fine. Okay, it was just one and done. *sigh* It's not your fault, Ty. Sorry about that fire damage, guys. I just wanna... That... Oh my god. Will make you nuke to the party. Okay. He's just gonna get pissed on you. These are all like homemade weapons. These are all like bone and, uh, like there's blades in here too, but I mean these are things that are lashed together.

Shives. Like, yeah, they're not purchased in a store. These are just edged weapons that they make. I don't want this shit. *laughter* Nothing magical about them, nothing... like these are just... like these are just weapons. Excellent classmanship. Like very makeshift armor, very... like these... yeah, these guys get by on... Fuck Dustin. Yeah. Well, they get by on Moxie. I'm gonna walk up to him, up to his body, and pull the hatchet out of my chest and say "I'm gonna keep this." And put it in my back pocket. Okay, you know he can't hear you, right? Well, it's supposed to be like... like...

It's like in Rush Hour when he goes "Wipe yourself off. You dead." Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it's... Yeah, it's just sass. Einhain's the Chris Tucker of your group. *laughter* Damn! It was for the audience beyond the fourth wall. Never touch a black man's radio! *laughter* That knock moves the fuck out? Um, Grandmama gave me that axe. *laughter* Okay. My hatchet now. Um... so yeah, that's gonna take you guys out of combat. You are all set. It looks like this would be a pretty good time to wrap things up for the evening. So you wanna... can we camp? Yeah, I mean... Yeah, let's camp in the killing fields.

That's great. Let's just camp just slightly left in this place. You know, where... It's more secluded in camp. Okay, so let's say you're... like, you can keep watch, I guess, and... This is a dangerous place to camp, but it's not impossible to do so. Could back up a bit, but I guess it doesn't... Okay, roleplay-wise, let's forget the battle map. You're not camping on the bloody corpses of your enemies. I shouldn't have gone back where we didn't find a group of orcs just standing there waiting for us. Well, those orcs aren't gonna bother you anymore, so...

So, you've made camp and you're taking a rest. You've decided that you just need a fiver here or something. Like, you need a break. Okay. Before we rest too much, can I see Malkus and Thoril? Sure. Thoril, will you join us? Yeah. I'm pulling you two aside because... Malkus, I feel like I have some connection to you. I know, lately, maybe we haven't seen eye to eye on some things, but... In the past, we've always kind of dealt with each other, and Thoril, you've shown me a lot of respect recently, so I thought you should be involved in this too. The more I think about things and...

The more I see what's happening here and what we're doing, I'm so hesitant to go and visit these dwarves. And on top of that, I just got attacked by a member of my own party. We had a discussion about how we're gonna be more diplomatic about things, but people are still running off and doing things that we don't know what they're doing. They're talking about... They robbed a store and then suddenly, ten minutes later, they feel regret and they wanna... This doesn't sound real anymore. And I don't know if what we're doing is good or wrong or what. I understand the point of what we're doing, but I don't think that we're accomplishing it the right way.

I don't think I can stay with this party anymore. Rodswell... We're making ground on putting it into the Overwatch, at the very least. I understand that. I understand that what we're doing is accomplishing things, I just don't like the way we're doing it. And as a man of the cloth, I can't sit here and stand behind decisions I don't agree with. And now that we're doing this democracy thing, there's no way that my voice is gonna be heard. You guys have your way of doing things and it's not my way and I'm gonna be going against my beliefs if I stay here and do so.

And I need you to respect that. What? Sounds unameri- You're... You're... You're not here! You've been bashed! You're talking about going to the dwarves when you wanted to favor the... No, 'cause you've said... I'm talking about everything. I'm talking about the way things have turned out. This decision is the start, but there's gonna be more decisions. And the way you do things is not the way I do things. And I understand why you do things the way you do. But you have to understand that I can't do that. I can't... If... If... I can't kill a man because he deserves to die.

That's not what I do. I don't make that judgment. That's not for me to decide. You guys believe that it's for you to decide and I understand that, but I can't be a part of that. You killed... You inward killed that man and you stood by and watched. I didn't agree with how he'd do it. He did it, but... I agreed that it needed to be done. And out of respect for you, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you you're wrong, but that's not how I do things. And I need you guys to understand that. And Thoril's been very respectful of me. I need him to understand this too.

I've made my decision. There's no talking me out of it, but I need you to let me leave. Malchus looks at Thoril. I... I... I... I wish I could find something to say. I really don't... I really don't know what to say. I mean... If it's truly something we can't talk you out of, then I don't... I don't see a way to... You know, being able to change your mind about this. And to be completely honest, you know, this is something that, you know, I'm... I'm not a man of the cloth. I'm not a priest, anything like that. And the way that... that people in this group have been acting recently just...

It's disgusted me, and I can only imagine how it affects you as well. And trust... and in my mind... In my mind, this is going to help you accomplish more, because you don't have me nagging you to do the right thing. You don't have me sitting here holding you back. You'll be able to accomplish your goals easier. But I don't see you as someone who holds us back. I see you absolutely as not only a valued member of our team, but someone who is a necessary component to our team. I... I... Because without someone like you here, it's really just someone like maybe Malchus or even me.

And I don't even know if I want to take that sort of responsibility for keeping people like Ironhide and Draconis in check. And, you know, letting... you know, letting them know that this... the way they act is just not right. Plus, we don't have anyone who can help heal us. It's... you... you're certainly not holding us back. Regardless of that, I at least need time to clear my head. I at least need time to understand this, because I don't feel like I've ever been respected in this group. I don't feel like my beliefs have ever been respected in this group.

I feel like I've been made to do things that I don't want to do, and I feel like I will be made to do things in the future that I don't want to do. And that go against my way of living. And I wanted to thank you for being very respectful of me, Thoril. And Malchus, I pulled you over here because I just wanted to thank you for listening to me. And at least trying to help me get my point across. Because I at least need to go figure things out. Malchus nods slowly and says, "I wish I could promise you that... ...war and adventuring could be a cleaner effort with... ...clearer morality and more direction, but... ...it's a dirty job, we do.

And... ...I understand if you... ...can't be here for it. I've always seen this as something we do... ...not because... ...not because it's always... ...beautiful or... ...or always... ...clearly the best at all times. But rather because... ...someone needs to be out here... ...in the mess so that the people we love don't have to be. And maybe I'm just not cut out for it. If you must go, I will be sad to see you go. You have been dependable... ...in the face of... ...frustrating situations for you, I'm sure. And I thank you both for respecting my decision.

I stick out my hand to Rodswell. I mean, not Rodswell, sorry. I stick out my hand to Malkus. Malkus shakes it and says, "Do you want to... ...tell the others? Do you just want us to... ...deliver the message for you?" Rodswell shakes his head. "I just need to go." I talk to who I felt I needed to talk to. So...So Rodswell's leaving the party? Well, first he turns to Thorold and does the same thing, because it's his hand. Okay. Okay. Thorold extends his hand and shakes it as well and just says, "I absolutely hate to see you go, but I completely understand why." And I wish you men the best of luck, and I hope you don't get too dirty in the process.

Cape Swish, walk away. Okay. So... So do we see him walk away? Like, what's happening here? He gets on his horse and just starts riding off. Yeah, I imagine... And we see that? I would imagine, yeah. Okay. Do you want to say anything about it? Well, I guess we walk up... I'm gonna walk up to Rodswell and Thorold and say, "What was that about?" "What is he going to get supplies?" Yeah. So I'm gonna run right up to Rodswell and say, "Hey, buddy. What's going on?" "Where do you think you're going?" "Where do you think you're going?" Yeah, I'm walking over as well.

Creative differences. We have crossed a line on his moral compass, and he didn't believe he could continue following us. That was bound to happen. It's probably best that he goes. Did he say if he's coming back or if he's just gone forever? He needs time to decide where he stands on what we're doing and where he's going to end up. So he did not say that he would never come back. But for now, we must go on without him. So... Hold on. Who's gonna be... We have no healer now. We have nobody to heal. We have to go on without him. No man can be forced to follow this path.

No, if he wants a bright future, then he needs to help out. There are thousands, tens of thousands of people who are going to have a brighter future because of what we do. And they'll never lay a hand on this situation. Maybe many of them will never even know what we've done. No one can be dragged kicking and screaming down this road that we're walking. No, but he's part of our group. We need him just as much as he needs us. That's right. You can't. I don't think you can force him. And Malkus just walks back to whatever campfire they have. Rodswell's kind of out of sight by now, so it's...

What kind of horseshit? You gotta get Ray and go, right, Time? Yeah. Before you take off. We're all a ten-sided die. No. Just for old times' sake. Just for old times' sake. Let's see if you shoot yourself. In the city of Winterhaven, below Winterhaven Hall, there is a rhythmic pounding that's echoing in the chambers beneath. And it sounds a lot like a boot-kicking stone. And this would be the crypt area where a lot of the dead, the important dead people are buried in Winterhaven. Oh, here it comes. And the faceplate for Duncan Joybatom, after a few moments, is kicked clean off.

And I think that is a good time for us to stop this evening. I am so glad I listened to the other episodes, because I was... Like the other groups, I was hoping this was something... You gotta hear them all to get the whole story. Yes, we do. Oh my gosh. Dan? Yes. Welcome back to Duncan, man. It's been a long road. I imagine. Man, you have fought gravity here riding with this party. More than once. Oh, no, I didn't mean it that way. No, that was... I'll kill all of you, I swear to God. That's not good, because last time he fought gravity, he lost. You know what I meant.

See, the good thing about Duncan, too, is he fits right in with what's going on right now. Oh, yeah, no, he'll... The major problem I had with Ratswell is that he obviously didn't fit in what was going on. It's like, "Yeah, man, spiritual and stuff like that." It's like, "War, fuck you!" It's like, "Oh, this doesn't fit at all." Yeah, it's kind of a bright and shiny hero riding along in the Warhammer universe or something. Yeah, it's not clean. Nothing about this is going to be nice or clean. So it's just like dirty tactics with dirty tactics. Although, without that tug toward a moral center, it'll be interesting to see where this party goes.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Gotta do what's best for you, man. It's gonna be cool to see Duncan back. I was kind of wondering why nobody... I mean, the whole open book thing with Ratswell said he would have told you if you guys asked about that whole thing. I would imagine something like this would probably sour Malchus and Thor a little bit more to Ironhide and Draconis. That would definitely sour our opinion of them because it's obvious that their actions is what chased them off. Yeah, but it's not just evil for evil's sake. It's like doing the dirty deeds that need to be done.

Right, but you still did it. You still chased them out is what they're... Yeah, I get the point. By the way, I really like the fact, and it played along really well, this is the first episode that Thor and Ratswell started getting the relationship going and then done. Over. It's kind of funny that you could take the relationship part and me at two different lengths. You could. Totally gonna be gay. Totally. There's no other way. He's like, "Oh, I just grabbed this guy's junk. I gotta go find myself out. I'll be back." It was clinical. And suddenly a switch flips on and it's like, "Fabulous!" I enjoyed that.

It leaves the party. I think Edward has done enough for Ratswell to at least have deserved a goodbye. Feels a little slighted. Yeah, but you killed the guy. Well, yeah, but... You guys rode so tight before that. Yeah, I know, but he also stole from me and I found that out. I'm just saying, Ynward already has abandonment issues. He might have a problem when he sees you again. You say you're my father. This is gonna hit you really hard in the face. Like, "Oh, it's not gonna hit you." I was actually thinking about leaving money for Ynward, but then at the same time I thought...

Motherfucker stole from me. How would Ratswell survive on his own without having his supplies with him? Like, lore-wise, you know? Well, you got that cool horse. Well, I absolutely have to go get ready for work. Yeah, we cut this close. This was great. Thank you for sitting down for another session. Oh, I can't wait. I just can't wait. You do have to listen to the entire show now. You've made it. At first, between Group 2, it's like, "Okay, there's a few things." But now it is very much, you have to listen to Group 2 and Group 3 to get the full spectrum of...

Because this was something that I've been wondering about for... What was it? At least a week now, at least, wasn't it? A couple weeks now. Yeah, a couple weeks was the Group 2 episode and I was just like, "Okay." And I was wondering who it is and Duncan was always the one that people kept bringing up. And I was like, "It seems like it would make sense." Especially with the Group 3 episode with the body and all that. Yeah, it's definitely something you need to listen to all three groups and you get the full spectrum of the story. Then it's just like a big surprise.

It's like, "Oh, shit!" It's like watching all three Star Wars movies and then seeing, "Oh, Luke, that's your dad." If you just jump in there, it's like, "Do you know that guy's his dad?" It's like, "I don't care, whatever." And not to start verbally blowing you before I go to work, but it is a testament to your talents. Don't do that. I appreciate it. I very much appreciate it. Thank you, sir. And I'm sorry for doing your voice earlier. That's fine. You did a really good job. Where's Luke and Luke going? That's Tyler on Valium. It's like if I were voicing Eeyore.

"Thanks for noticing." "Thanks for noticing." All right, man. You take care. Have a good night at work, man. Bye, Tommy. See you. So... Dan. So we got plans for Rod Swell, but as far as Duncan coming back... You know I'm here still, right? Yeah. Everyone's here. Oh, shit, I'm here? "Well, if I'm here, where am I?" You haven't had to play him in over a year. Dan is Duncan. It won't be hard. Yeah, it was. Kinda, yeah. So what does Duncan do? Like, what is he...? He's a bard. He'll be able to heal. You know what that means, too, right? What's a bard? I have no idea. Oh, that's right.

You never got to play with him. They play music? It's a traveling musician and poet whose music is magical. Okay. He heals and inspires. Yeah, inspires people and shit like that. It's the turn of a gag that has not been on the show in over a year. I got so many songs already. I'm just gonna be, like, sending Dan messages on Facebook during the sessions. Carly Simon! Carly Simon's been on the show before. Yeah. You're so vain. Yep. So, okay, do you want... I'm sitting out the next session. Yeah. I can make a way where Duncan gets to you guys before... Unless you want to be in the session and we'll just pinball it every once in a while and boot back to Winter Heaven.

There's a lot of explaining to do on Winter Heaven. You know what? Now that we... Now that we opened the bag, we don't need to do the separate episode. We could do it together. So I could absolutely do that. Yeah. That sounds totally cool. As long as you guys don't mind, I don't wanna... No. I mean, with Rodswell just leaving the party, I figured people were gonna guess it anyway. So I figured, just give him the payoff. People were already guessing it. But there was a lot of good stuff. People were tossing out ideas and I'm like, "I would love to do that." Like, what if Drak came back?

He wakes up and it's like, "Motherfucker!" Chris, who knocked me out? Oh, he'd want fucking Stormhunter back. storm under breath.