The day the music lived

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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We want you to feel confident you're covered. Click to learn more. Policy exclusions and limitations apply. Anthem Blue Cross and Blue Shield is the trade name of Blue Shield. Blue Cross Blue Shield Healthcare Plan of Georgia, Inc. Hey, sweeties. Thanks for coming out to our live show. If you want to do us a big favor, you can find us on iTunes at Dungeons & Randonos. You can like us and review us and give us stars and all that. You can follow our Twitters. Pretty sure you'll all have those. Like us on Facebook and don't be a stranger. Uh, howdy. Well, let's do it.

Howdy, therians. How about that? Hey, sweeties. Tom's a fucking genius. Let me tell you about the genius that is Tom. I have never thought about calling our listenership "therians" before. That just makes sense. Tom did it on Twitter and it makes sense. It's racist. @imaminotaur? Let's do that thing. We go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, start with Justin. Uh, hey. I play-- I'm Justin Massey and I play, um... Jerk, I always thought this was Jerk and Ironhide. Uh, Warforged, um, fucking... dick stealing.

I cannot wait for him to do the plugs next time. I know! We'd be here an hour. Well, that's the thing. It's like, I didn't know you guys were doing that. It's like, here's something else. And it's like, I almost fucked that. No one's had that responsibility. And you're in a Zune store. Warforged laser knife. Warforged laser knife here and I am a ghetto blaster. What are you--? Yeah, ghetto blaster. Quick, quick! Someone else! Before there's no time! Tyler! I am Tyler. I play the real Songsteal, human scout. And Dan. Hi, I'm Dan Phelps. I play Duncan Joybatam, Dwarven Bard.

Yeah! Yeah. Rob! Hey, I'm Robert Weezahan and I play the Brooding Malkin, the Escriminate, Stiefling Warlock. Uh, Tom. Hey, I'm Sam Rose and I play Yanward Firestomp, a minotaur fighter. Um, Jake. I am Jake. I play Draconis. I am a Dragonborn fire mage. Okay. Last time on the show, you guys lost a party member. Rodswell, after deciding he's had enough. Like, he can't stay with this group morally. It's just too much for him. So he ended up bailing. He went his own way and we'll find out where he went at some point. Um, before that though, you guys headed to the town of Donhurst.

You met the leadership there, you entered into a bit of a pact. If you can get the dwarves to side with you guys, you are going to end up attacking the local orc encampment and seeing if you can't either drive out the leadership or outright kill them. Just make sure that they're not a problem anymore. Um, let's see. Thor also got over his painfully awkward STD. Which was kind of a parting gift for Rodswell, I guess. Very interesting parting gift. And I guess the big thing that happened at the end of the episode was Duncan was kicking his way out of his own tomb.

So how about we catch up with Group 1 first? It could have been just somebody who got trapped in there trying to have sex with him. That's true. I mean, that's true. That is deep grave robber. We level this guy up and it's like, "Oh, it turns out he was just sexing that dead body." And so Group 1 was joined by Louis the Pedophiliac. Necrophiliac. There's a necrophile. Necrophiliac. Pedophiliac sounds like a combination of the two. He only molests underage corpses. That's the thing. Duncan's short. He thought he was underage. He thought the beard was just perfect.

We're taking the high road already. This is great. That has to be a child's coffin. Just disregarded the beard. Let's catch up with the rest of Group 1 first. You guys. My understanding was that you are basically heading to the Stone Thunder Mountains. You're going to try and parley with these dwarves. So you've already been attacked by a pack of orcs already. Which went really well. You made pretty short work of them. Heading up to Stone Thunder is kind of an ordeal. This is a rocky mountain type of pass. But the road pretty much leads to the entrance of the mountains proper.

And you can't miss it. This is a huge, just this huge stone archway. These massive stone doors behind it. Beautifully polished and carved because that's kind of what dwarves do. That's their big thing. This is one big Minecraft project to them. This is just... They live here and they carve the shit out of this mountain. From the inside out. Who would like to make a perception roll for me? Perceptions? I am bad at those. Rob, make a perception... Oh no. Thoril, give me a perception roll. Ahhh. Crap, I forgot how to do perception. My brain blanked out as far as making perception rolls.

It's the crowd, isn't it? You can just click the... Okay, I get it. I get it. 21. Standing at the foot of these magnificent doors are kind of a cadre of what you would imagine would be dwarf guards. And they're just kind of milling about. They're really... A couple of them are kind of leaning up against the doors and they do see you coming. And they kind of all start perking up and as they see you ride up to the doors here, you've got their attention. Alright. Who would like to kick this off? Malgus. Malgus is the best toggle. Do they look like they're actively stopping us from the door?

Or is it just open, going in and out, they're watching for trouble? The doors are open. They're basically... It doesn't look like they're trying to stop you. It's nothing like... Here's the thing about dwarves. They're not threatened by you. Unless it's an army or something, that's one thing. But while they're always looking for a fight, they're pretty confident in their own abilities that if any one of you started swinging, they could beat the shit out of you. So it's not a thing where they're actually trying to halt your advance into the building or something like that.

They're more or less just kind of milling about outside, just kind of keeping a watch, seeing what's going on. Are you trying to just ride past them? I mean, I'll nod and regard them, but unless they specifically are like, "What's your business?" Okay. So, yin word, go ahead and make a perception roll for me, please. Sure thing, sweetie. Did you guys say "sweetie" from now on? Or is this a thing? What's going on? I like it. Explain yourself. I feel special when he does it. Yeah, but you said that to everybody, Jason. You're nothing to him. You're no more special than everybody, Jason.

You know what? Next time I address Jason, I'll use a different name. Next time you undress him, am I right? No. That's why he has a group threes, because they treat him like a god. We just treat him like a human. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys gotta stop that god shit off, because that's gonna get mad. I don't... Look, I tell them I'm a schlub from Jersey, just like I told you guys. And again, the sheen will wear off. They'll realize I'm a fucking... I'm just a schlub from Jersey? Yeah, but they still have those rose-colored glasses on. We know you're a schlub from Jersey.

Man, you are bitter as fuck. Yeah, Tyler's trying to prove himself to group three, I think. He is. All this chest-pounding alpha male stuff from Tyler. I'm not used to it. He is the alpha male. You're cool too, right, guys? That's so cool. Okay, I'm just gonna slink the back of that upon yourself. Don't feel bad. I absolutely did. Okay, okay, okay. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. So, out of the corner... Okay, as you're riding past... Yeah. ...Yenward can just make out what sounds like snickering coming from these dwarves. Kind of sounds like they're laughing. Maybe... you can't tell at what, but it definitely sounds like a couple of them are kind of giving a bit of boisterous laughter.

Not... nope. Keep that straight. Keep walking. So, um... Okay. Okay, first of all, inside this place is... I mean, it's technically caves, but they're gorgeous and chiseled out and reinforced. Like, I mean, just beautiful. As you enter, there's... There's all these, like, beautiful handcrafted murals on the wall. Like, out of the stone they just kind of chiseled all this beautiful artwork. The thing is, dwarves like to kind of brag about their conquests. And this particular mountain was taken from the minotaurs. So a lot of these murals are basically depictions of brave, heroic dwarves cracking the shit out of minotaur skulls and just slaying and...

I'm visibly aggravated. Okay. Unsubtle, isn't it? Taking it back. And these stretch on for yards and yards and yards. Like, as you're riding in, like... I mean, I get it, but... This is overkill. A tapestry, maybe a stained glass window, but the whole thing, even the ceiling, come on. Like, they've had time. They've had time to work on this. There is a... Well, I mean, there's lots of dwarves, but there's a dwarf kind of standing in the way at this point. And he's kind of holding up a hand. This little guy's got, like, a spiked helmet. Like, almost like a World War I German type of thing.

Like, it's... Yeah. He's not a Nazi. I disagree. Germanic dwarves! I like it. He's going to kind of raise his hand up. Halt! More pick-a-muff, he's so adorable. I mean, I halt. I halt for him, sure. I don't want to get in the way of a Nazi. Not a Nazi, again. It's a dwarf. It's completely different. You know, quick aside. Just going to tell this story very quickly. I had an idea to make some White Ravens armbands, right? Just, like, maybe something for the store, maybe something to give away. And did you know that it's very tough to find people who do custom armbands, and one of the largest manufacturers of them are a European dealer who also sell Nazi memorabilia?

Lots of it. Lots of Nazi memorabilia. By the truckload. That's proudly displayed on their front page. German armbit. It's like, "Nah, I don't think I'll be going with you." We're your one-stop swastika stop. Are you sure they're really good? It's like, "No, no, God, no, I don't." I mean, we could have got a really good deal. I just think you should still go through with it. I'm okay with it. I think we're missing the opportunity here, yeah. No, I really don't feel right about that. No, I don't want to give these people money. Ruples or whatever the fuck they want.

Ruples! I know, he's just plastered all over the front of the page. "Thank you, Jason Massey, for giving us money." "DNR!" I find it interesting that we made plenty of Southern/Alabama jokes, and no one's ever said anything, but the second we make a Nazi joke, people start getting honest in the chat about it. They were pretty big. We did get one email from someone in Alabama. Oh. "Here's some dead babies." "Who's the dead baby guy?" I imagine. We sent pictures of dead babies, just scream nonsense. You still never sent that video to me, Jason. You don't want it, Tom.

You really don't. No, I don't want to see that shit with you. Alright, so this dwarf... This bitch. This fucking guy. So this dwarf is kind of standing in your way, and you guys halt. What do you want? "We're here to speak with your leadership about a matter regarding the Overwatch and their aggressions." And he's kind of looking over the party, and then he gets to Yenward. What do you need the fleabag here for? Malchus just smirks and looks back to see if Yenward wants to speak up. Just biting my bottom lip. Mm-mm. Okay. Mm-mm, not worth it. Your carpet don't speak?

We're a diverse crew, dwarf. We're all good fighters. Ah, not if you've got a minotaur in your party. Step on your... Shut your bearded face and let me through. That sounds like an Intimidate check. Well, I mean, I just thought these guys did that kind of stuff, but I can make a check. I mean, they do, but it leads to a fight, is what it leads to. I mean, that's why he's doing it. He wants to fight you. That's kind of what they do. Oh, okay, I didn't speak dwarf. Okay. Well, he's an asshole. They're all kind of assholes. That's their thing. Okay, well how's the 23 fit yet? 23 is pretty damn good, actually.

And he's just kind of laughing it off. "Ah, alright, alright, calm down." And he's gonna walk up to Yenward and just kind of like, rhythm with his elbow. Well, it won't rhythm, it's more of a thigh tap with his elbow. "Ah, I'm just playing with your carpet!" You know what that, right? "My name's Yenward." What? "I'm Yenward Firestomp. I have a name. I'm not a carpet. I'm walking around." Oh, I'm sorry, I do apologize. Olaf! And he raises his hand to shake yours. "I'll shake his little midget hand." I thought he was like, "Raise his hand hard, Hitler!" Why is this a running gag?

"Because you gave him a Nazi helmet." Were they even considered Nazis in World War I? "We're invited to this cave." This is their Poland. "I don't think the Nazi thing came around until at least the 30s." "You said World War II helmet." I said World War I. "It's totally a..." No, but I think Adolf actually fought in that war and then he was like, "Dude, I'm just tired of this shit, let's just kill everybody." Your grasp of history is dubious at best. I was about to say, is that how it went down? Okay. Yeah, dude, and then he was telling me, "Fuck this, I'm a dwarf." American history with Justin.

Alright, I think I get this culture. I shout, "Olaf, you fat bearded git!" Are we gonna get down to business or are you gonna sit there tugging your face whiskers? "Ah, calm down, you fucking devil!" Malchus nods and grins, he's like, "I do get them." Also, we're in Ireland, not Germany. Jesus Christ, let's just insult everyone. I'm having trouble not taking the accent on. You know that happened in group three today, too. I was using this redneck southern accent. It's fun. Oh, they were setting fire to different peoples now? No, no. They tripped the dernhalle.

Ew, gross. Never going back there again. Dernhalle is gross. I'm gonna buy a vacation home in Dernhalle. And burn it. Alright, I'll take you to King Tankard. Again, what's this about? The Overwatch? Yes, the Overwatch and certain military matters. You might be interested. You and your kind like smashing things, don't they? Aye, we haven't had a fight in quite some time. Besides the orcs. Oh, you're going to love the proposal when we talk to your leadership. Okay. He leads you to... Well, deeper and deeper into the depths of this place. And there's this glorious throne room.

Here's... Okay. Here's where things could get awkward. So, dwarves like trophies. And scattered about this throne room. Smetar heads mounted on the walls. Minotaur skulls. Oh, man. Like an unsettling amount of Minotaur skulls. There's also like orc skulls and stuff too. And like handcrafted orc axes, things like that. But it's a lot of... A lot of bovine memorabilia. There's a lot of it kind of floating around. Uppity little shits. King Tancred Stonesunder is sitting on his throne. This place is gorgeous. Wait, wait, wait, wait. His first name is Tankred? Tancred.

Tancred. Okay. Not tankred. No. And I was like, that's really on the nose, isn't it? No, no, no, no. King drinks a lot, makes tipsy. I like that also. Mick... Yeah. Lord slams a beer. So this place is just coated in jewels and just glorious stuff that they've chiseled out of the earth. The bleached heads of my people. Yeah, there's a lot of that. Like there's... Yeah. How would you like to start this? I swear I'm not necessarily trying to pile this on Yenward, it's just these are the circumstances. Like these guys take great pride in the fact that they've slaughtered a lot of your people.

Does he regard us? Do we speak up first? Olaf kind of walks up to him and he's kind of giving him the breakdown and... King Stonesunder, he's kind of like waving you over here. He's like waving you over to like the foot of his throne. Does he have like a big old tankard veil on him? Dude, everyone does. Yeah, this is, I mean, fucking huge. This is what they do, is kind of sit around and drink and prepare for the next time they get to fight something. Or they're carving or mining. That's kind of what they do. Okay, so he waves us over but he doesn't speak up first?

Or does he... No, he's kind of giving you the eyeball like, "What's up?" He's like, "Okay, spill it." "You're wasting my time. What's going on?" Okay. And his, I'm sorry, his last name was again... Stonesunder. After the mountain that they took. Ah, huh. So did he name the mountain after himself? I'm sorry, he named the mountain after himself. Yeah, his family, yeah. Okay, okay. Do I know enough dwarven culture to know what the protocol is? Do I bow? Do I kneel? Do I... Roll a history check. Okay. I'm bad at those. Oh, man. I got a history check. Yes, natural one. Oh, never mind.

Never mind. You spit on his father's coffin. Nice job. I take it I can't roll one now? That's pretty much all. I offer him a Mike's Hard Lemonade and he banishes us from the kingdom. You think he might be a dwarf? I'm pretty sure proper procedure is fist bump at this point, right? Yes, fist bump. That's what I said, motherfuckers. Wait, wait, wait. Can I fall back on that because I knew Duncan? You can, but that's bardic tradition, not dwarven. Oh. Oh, shit. That was established in episode one. Yeah. Yeah, you know nothing about how to interact with dwarves, apparently.

That's a crit one, so you know... Okay, can I just default to human protocol and just bow her? Sure. Sure. Okay, I just tuck my head and give him a bow. Oh, rise, rise, half-devil. Kingstone Sunder. We come before you with a proposal on behalf of the White Ravens and the other oppressed races of Varia. You know as well as we do that the Overwatch sets out to subjugate the entirety of this continent. We propose that we and other forces join together to help you with your orc situation and in return you commit a sizable force of dwarves to the efforts to overturn the Overwatch and destroy their city so that not one stone stands upon another.

So he's listening to you kind of rattle this off. And the entire time he's eyeballing Yandward. He's gonna vomit on the ground. The entire time he's eyeballing. I notice him eyeballing me and I'm twisting my face up at him. And then he looks back at Malchus. So you want to charge their gates. We have a number of cities and races committed to our fighting force. The minotaurs, the clerics of, insert name of town here. Aubrey? Aubrey, thank you. Good job. Jeez, you write a book and you just forget all of it? Yeah. Okay, there are lots of proper nouns going on here.

Well, there's a map that you can look up. Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know I was expecting you to bring the study guide to class. Oh wow. Oh, go fuck off. Think in front of your friends you can talk to us how you want, huh? And the elves. The elves as well as the fair people of Winterhaven. Along with a diverse force from the White Ravens. We would be extremely pleased if the dwarves could join our coalition. I honestly don't see a problem. I would actually enjoy walking into the gates of the Overwatch. You said you have minotaurs with you. Indeed, we do. And how many of the fleabags are left?

I, at this point I'm totally just adapted to their racist hate speech and I just turn to Ynward for the answer. About five thousand. Hmm. I don't remember how many of you were limping away from this gorgeous mountain we ended up taking from you. I would think it would be less than five thousand. That's good. You've been procreating. We're picking our spots. We're planning a comeback pretty soon. And he stands up from his throne. Oh are ya? And he's just wandering straight up to Ynward's waist looking at him. I like to stick my hand out but way over his head.

Just to remind him of height or just to... Yes. Ynward Firestomp. King of the Firestomp. Well anytime you've got the stones, boy, please lead your people back to the mountain. I'd be happy to. I would level this mountain before I let you hold it over my head. At that point, several members of the Kings Court here start kind of like patting their war hammers. Like they just kind of start... What are you little quarter pints gonna do? Oh that's good. What is happening right now? Some weird shit going on, Jake. This is something that gets me. Is that diplomacy fails with the other two groups with diplomacy checks.

Like with bad diplomacy roles. We just do it ourselves. We don't even need diplomacy checks. We just start insulting people. I want to grab Ynward by the arm and I want to tell him to calm the fuck down. At the same time, this kind of makes sense right now because this is like pretty fucking racist shit. Like what happened between these two? I'm just acting accordingly. Yeah I know. Trying to speak to them in their own tongue. No problem, Jaconas. So, okay, wait, wait. So Jaconas is kind of reaching over and is like "Hey man, we don't want any trouble." That kind of thing?

Like just kind of trying to pull Ynward back in? Yeah, I'm told to calm down. I'll let the boy fight his own battles. Boy, I'm pretty sure I'm a king and I have to be a man to be a king. Oh, you're king of what? I might be king of Stone Center before it's over. There's an audible echo as Malchus's face palm occurs. Just under the chamber. Just like pop pop pop pop pop. Well then maybe you'd like to settle this right now. Got more important things to deal with. I'll be happy to fight you on top over watch his bodies when we're done. He's going to stick his hand out to Ynward.

Let's do it. Pulls him back. Too slow. Uh... Oh, just the pettiest dick move. I want that to be canon that Ironhide was thinking that. Okay. The dwarf's invented too slow. Damn, like inside his fucked up mind it's like "You're insane." Fucking Ironhide sees like imaginary slights everywhere. [Laughter] So they're going to shake hands and then Taker's just going to look at Malchus. So what do you want to do about the orcs? Well, I assume you have the most up to date intelligence on them. I'm happy to follow your lead. You'll certainly add forces to yours and tip your side to the advantage.

Sounds fine by me. Head straight for Sarn if you want. He's their leader. With a current leader, they go through leaders pretty quickly. Sounds like they're big green dumb savages. Uh, and he's... Uh, he's going to look up to Ynward. "Well, you're used to big dumb brown savages." It's really no different. I'm getting pretty acclimated to little dumb savages myself. Ah! And he just kind of like throws his head back and laughs. They're such little cunts. Like, doors are such assholes. I feel like actually this is now turning into the best diplomacy group once done in a long time.

Cause they respond really well to us being tech. You've interacted with the one race in Theria that actually, like you guys were made to interact with dwarves. That's pretty much it. We found our niche. Yep. These guys are alright. Well, if you want, we can just get ready and rally troops and head right for their encampment. Indeed. If you have the information with you, you can walk me through what you and your warlords would plan with more troops on your side. You said Don Hurst was in on this? No. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Which one? They are? Okay. I'm sorry.

Durnhollow. Okay. Don Hurst and Durnhollow. It is true. As soon as he published that book, he just forgot everything about this. This is what's going on. Don Hurst is the people that we talked to in the last episode. Right. Durnhollow is the Alabamians. Just think Durnhollow. Okay. Okay. Yes, Don Hurst is in. We'll just think back over your mic. Or your map. Either way. Can we stop busting Rob's balls so hard? We're gonna chase him clean off. You would like to lead the diplomatic efforts with the dwarves. You just walk your metal butt up here. Alright? Go ahead. I'm too busy soaking in the pond.

Okay. That's what I thought. Okay. I'm gonna fuck you up, Malchus. I'm tired of fucking shit. He writes one fucking book. So, yeah. He's gonna... Taker's just gonna kind of pull you aside and start talking to you about strategies. How would you guys like to play this? You wanna just jump right into a bloody battle with these orcs? That's what we need. I think so. Some butt blood just sprayed all over the place. Let's do it. Shut up, everyone. Let's do this. What exactly? Okay. Ironhide seems to just want to go kill orcs. Is that what you guys are trying to do? You're just trying to lead a charge straight through?

Or what? They don't feel pain, so let's strategize a little bit. Yeah, what I figured the original plan was, like, we could attack from the top with the dwarves and then the other dunhers could just come in from the bottom and we'd kind of sandwich them in. I'm waiting for the dwarves to advise us. They know what's going on. Yeah, sure. The big thing with them is that they're... the way the camp's set up is the most important people are in the center, obviously, and that would be Sarn and his close boys. The rest of the... it's just basically scatterings of orcs, like little clusters, like little tribes of orcs.

The only way to get to the people in the center is to kind of fight your way through. Oh, I got an idea. How about a distraction? Excuse me. We get the humans and the dwarves at one place and have them kind of have a wall of people. And that'll cause most of the outer orcs to actually run right over towards them so they just have this nasty fight and then we just run in and just stab the leader a bunch of times. So like we sneak in while the other... like the big battle's going on? That's what happened with the minotaurs before we fought the minotaurs.

If these suggestions are being made in front of the dwarven leaders, I will just look to them and see what they think of them. I am open to anything. The dwarves are pretty much of the mindset, like, let's just go... let's just run in. Like, they don't care. This is a thing that they would have done anyway. They just didn't want... they would rather win. Like, they didn't want a thing where it was, okay, well, now we're out here and fuck. If they have backup on top of what they... they would more than love to just run in. Beat the shit out of anyone. So do we need to send for our Donhurst reinforcements then?

Yeah. I guess formally speaking we need to do that. So, Malchus finds the swiftest courier in all the land and have at it. That would be... let's do Tyler's voice again. Yeah! All postal and delivery employees in the Tyler voice. It's like nurse joy officer Jimmy from Pokemon. They're all the same. Their souls have been crushed. They just... that's just the voice that pours out of them. Countless hours of mindless postal work has just destroyed them. It's just destroyed the rightness. I love you so much Tyler. I'm just kidding. No, it's fine. Tyler gets a good check.

He's okay. That's cool. Yeah. I'll make good money. Okay. So, people of Donhurst are mobilizing as we speak. They're getting together. They were ready pretty much from the time you left. So, let's cut a few hours out of this and let's say you guys are basically on the battlefield ready to go. I do kind of like Justin's idea about us. Kind of like maybe while the big fight's going on we kind of sneak into the captain's quarters or whatever you want to call it. Where the head honcho is. We do our Navy SEAL adventurer strike force thing. Exactly. They get their blood lost and we get our work head.

While this is happening, let's cut to Winterhaven. Nice. I love Winterhaven. Guy just got done fucking Joy Bottle. He's dead for a while, but hell. Dude, wouldn't that be the worst ever if he teased Duncan coming back? Now back to the group. Ooh, that's my new character. I'm playing Yecrofilia. That would be the worst. Oh, this one's still got meat on its bones. That's gross, right? So, Duncan has emerged from his own burial crypt. Now these are these drawers that are on the side of the wall. That kind of thing. Like a mausoleum type of deal. So, Duncan is clothed, but the clothing he was placed in is pretty tattered.

Pretty fucked up. His boots were okay though. Well enough to aid him in kicking off that plate. And even if it wasn't, he's a dwarf, so he's got hard feet. Well, Dan, what would you like to do as your first action as Duncan? Stretch. Right now. What kind of condition is Duncan in? We should make that clear for everybody. It's as if nothing ever happened to him. Okay. This wasn't a resurrection, like the resurrection rules in our game. Yeah, let me clarify. Let's say Rodswell were to have revived or resurrected Duncan in this state. Duncan would be pretty much insane.

There'd be so much wrong with him that a person isn't powerful. A regular person just isn't powerful enough, does not have the mojo, to bring back someone from the dead that's been dead that long. They would be totally fucked up. However, this was a complete random act of magic brought about by the Rod of Wonder that Galford used. So this is just complete happenstance. Who? No, I'm kidding. Keep going. Such a dick. The sassiest. So yeah, you're fine, you have all your mental faculties, as much as Duncan ever did intact. And the only thing is, you were pretty much buried in some nice clothes.

Well, your remains were buried in nice clothes. There was not much left of you. I thought you just said they were tattered. The clothing? Yeah. That's just through age. He's been buried for years. I think it would have just been funnier if he came out butt-ass naked, wearing nothing but his boots. That's the low-hanging fruit that everyone expected us to take. Now you can see my butt. That is purely coincidental. So Duncan gets out, I imagine it's dark. In the crypt, yeah. Well no, you're a dwarf, you have low light vision. Correct. So the first thing I will do is I will play "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J to myself alone.

You can sing that! I will sing it. Out loud. Very loud. In the tomb. Because I've returned. And then I guess I have to find my way out of this tomb. Not hard. There's a set of stairs leading pretty much right into Winterhaven Hall. So I very casually head on up the stairs. What time of day is it? This would be like afternoon. So it's bustling. Yeah, I mean this is Winterhaven Hall so there's a lot of servants moving about. If you recall this is where Ian and Talia live. Okay. Gotcha. So I walk up into Winterhaven Hall and I'd like to run a streetwise shack to see what's going on.

Okay, wow. Gotta get back in. Throw some punches. This is all coming back to me now. Go ahead. Gotta throw some punches. This is Duncan, man. This is what you do. Here you go, 21. 21. Okay. First of all, you're going to open the doors into Winterhaven Hall proper. And there's a servant who is going to see you do this and drop a whole tea service on the floor. Jesus Christ! And just back up and just completely shitting themselves. So I go to the servant who dropped his stuff. And so now here's a question, lore question. Duncan. He has no idea how long it's been. Does he know he died?

What does he remember? Well, I mean he could probably piece that together from the fact that, okay, the way resurrection works is the last thing you'd remember is falling. Okay. So I remember falling, I wake up, and I'm in the crypt. So I figured out that I died and I've been resurrected somehow. Right. You have no idea how much time has passed, what's happening, what's going on, none of that. Right. So I guess the streetwise shack would be, well I guess that really would be, yeah, that would be kind of feeling the situation, seeing what time it is, what's going on in the world.

Ah, yeah, no. A streetwise check is going to, see here's the thing. A streetwise check is going to be more about what's going on in that particular building. It's not, it's like, oh word on the street is, like you're trying to get dirt on something. It's not going to, like, I feel that 17 years have passed. The word on the street has been 17 years. Yeah, right. Then I just go up to the servant and ask, and I straight up ask, like, what's the year? And he tells you the year, and it's 17 years into the future, I mean, from what you would know. That's a way different answer than what you expected.

Right. And where am I? You're in Winterhaven Hall. You're Duncan Joybottom. Yes, I'm Duncan Joybottom. Do you know me? I know of you, and he kind of points around the room. There's big fucking paintings of the group, and in the room there's a big banner that says "Dedicated to those who have fallen," and there's murals of the burning of Winterhaven and Lord Padraig and the rest of the party. So Duncan, oh, I'm sorry, go ahead. Duncan turns to the painting and he sees himself up there and he sees the accolades. His back is to the servant, and then he just kind of cocks his head back halfway, not taking his eyes off of the mural and says, "Take me to your leader." Um, okay, okay.

And he, oh, this is going to be fun. Ian Cerberus is in his study. I love this. And he's kind of studying over this map. And in walks this house servant. And he kind of looks up, "What's wrong, Carl? What can I, what's wrong?" And in behind Carl walks Duncan Joybottom. And Ian kind of has this expression on his face of pure horror, like shock, just like a fucking zombie, like he's just at first. And he kills him. So Duncan recognizes Ian. Yes. Duncan looks at Ian and goes, "How's the hand holding up?" Oh, welcome back, Duncan. Welcome back. Never been happier.

So the look of horror is just replaced with anger. How are you alive? I don't know. Who says I died? You don't know that I died. You've been buried in the crypt for years. I was resting. So he just kind of like mouth agape shock disbelief. So you're the leader of this place? Yes, I'm the Lord of Winterhaven. Oh, man, that's crazy. And he holds out his fist. And he only has one to reciprocate with. And he's just kind of like staring at your fist, "What do you want me to do with this?" Fist bump! And he just kind of reaches forward and like gently taps it. And then just kind of lets out the, "Ugh." So we're cool, right?

He's almost disgusted himself. We're good? Me and you? We're fine. I'm at a loss at how you're alive. How did this happen? And then he starts like a feeling of shock. Is anyone else from the crypt resurrected? I didn't see. I came up through the crypt and I saw your servant and he dropped something. And I saw all the wonderful memorabilia dedicated to myself. And then I asked him to come here and he took me to you. That's all that's happened. I didn't see anybody else. You're positive no one else was resurrected in that crypt? I'm on my way out, so... Okay, he kind of lets this sigh like, "Oh, okay, okay." Well, there have been some developments while you were dead.

The city of Winterhaven was sieged years ago and many good people lost their lives. Among them were Lord Padraig himself and several hundred members of the city. The group you traveled with, I've had some interactions with them. How are they doing? They seek to raise an army to fight the Overwatch. And they'll have our aid when they've assembled a righteous force. I would imagine you seek to reconnect with them. And Duncan's look changes dramatically. Like, he's not goofing off anymore. He's kind of getting more serious. I don't know what the hell an Overwatch is.

Can you explain? The city of Overdale changed its name some years back. And they are essentially waging war against any non-humans. Do you want to do an info dump of just every... you want to say info dump and that'll... Yeah, absolutely. There's no reason to... Yeah, just imagine he's caught you up on the events of the past seventeen years as much as he would have info for. Right. At some point I would like to reconnect with my friends, but I don't think I'm in the shape to do so right now. It looks down and he's pointing at the holes in his shirt and whatnot.

Can I get something? I mean, I don't really have any money on me. I don't think money will be a problem. There's a look on his face, just sour. Just sour ass. You're regarded as somewhat of a hero within the city. Almost the thing of folklore. A smile creeped back on Duncan's face. He's looking at him and he goes, "Hero, huh? What about my friends? Are they regarded the same way?" Within the city, yes. Outside of the city, not so much. And he's going to reach for his copy of the Bleak Tin and kind of crack open the page with Malchus's Folly, like the depiction of it.

Duncan cracks up. Just starts laughing hysterically. That's a really good picture. That is a really good picture. So Malchus is in the center of this whole thing, huh? As it were, yes. If you do reconnect with your friends, I would consider it a personal favor. If you could tell them that I reacted harshly, and I would like to speak with them when they get the time. Sounds like a plan. So, uh... You can tell he's choking on those words as he's saying them. I can do that. Sounds like a plan. Hey, who can I get to take me to see my people? Your people. Well, I'm kind of a big deal around here, you know.

One of the men take you around, I would imagine, a shop of some kind to get some new gear. Shop and inn, stage, yeah. Oh, that sounds good. I'll arrange for someone to come by and to escort you immediately. Please leave my office. Duncan leaves the office and stands outside waiting for someone to meet him here. He really is played by Jack Black in the movie version of this, isn't he? Come on! Just that fucking awful... Like a little bit of Duncan goes a long way. Heading down the hallway, like towards the entrance, Talia Padre kind of rounds the corner and runs...

She sees you walking down the hallway and then fucking stumbles back, terrified. Like it's just little Duncan strutting through the hallways with tattered clothing. He looks like a zombie, like he's covered in fucking soot and just... He stumbles back, he gods! Just like stumbles back and she's scooting backwards down the hallway. I see, okay. I don't recognize Talia though, right? Well, you saved her. I mean, she's older, but I mean... I thought 17 years on her would make a bigger difference. Well, I mean, she's still the same person, she's just a little older.

You think it's Talia's mom? Well, you know 17 years have passed, so it's not like... I mean, she's from Winterhaven, she lived here before. It's not a huge logic leap. Gotcha. So I go up to Talia, she's falling... Did she actually fall? Yeah, she's kind of like falling backwards and scooting back down the hallway, just like terrified. Okay, so I pursue her. I go towards her and I say, "Talia? Talia?" Right? Just walking her down. She's gonna stop moving backwards when she hears you speak, and then she's just like complete disbelief on her face. And then she's just kind of, without saying a word, just kind of reaching out and touching your face.

Just like touching all over your face. Duncan? Yep, Duncan enjoyed the Tom at your service. How? And he gets kind of real. Like he's not, he kind of sheds the act a little bit and he just goes, "I don't know. I really don't know. I remember falling and next thing I knew I was breaking out of my own tomb. I don't know." Did you speak to Ian? Does he know? Yeah, he knows. Yeah, that didn't go over... I don't know. He knows though. I would imagine you're reconnecting with your friends. At some point, yeah. I figured I should probably get my bearings first. I mean, I've been apparently dead for 17 years, so...

I know they can really use your help. Seeing you pack would be a huge inspiration to them, and if you could deliver a message to them, I would be appreciative. I have a lot of messages to deliver apparently. Go ahead, yeah, absolutely. I had a long talk with Ian. And I brought it to his attention that he's treated your former party pretty harshly. And without them, we might not have much of a hope of defending Winterhaven. So just let them know that I've talked to him and he'll be a bit more gentle in the future. It didn't seem that way when I was just talking a second ago.

He was like, "Bring him to me. Send him my way." What was that about? She kind of looks down the hall towards the... Really? Yeah. Really. I'll talk to him again. You should do that. She's kind of like this look on her face like, "Motherfucker!" Like she's gonna go... Yeah. So, hold on, wait. Real quick. So I kind of grab her and I go, "Hey, what happened between them? Like I know we did the hand thing, but was there something else?" It has to do with his son. They took him into combat and he did not take that well. So it's a very touchy subject, but we have to put things like that aside and focus on the war effort.

And if you could deliver that message, I would be very, very appreciative. Duncan, nod. I'll do that for you. I promise. And she's going to kind of walk down the hallway and into the study and then close the door behind her. And you... Roll a perception check, please. Oh, okay. Is that just a flat D20? No, it's your perception check. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm acting like I haven't played for a year. 17. Um, 17. Um, you hear, it sounds like almost like, um, like that muffled argument voice that couples get into when there's just kind of like elevated voices and you can tell there's something wrong, but it's muffled.

Man, Duncan would want to hear this, right? Would he have to run a stealth check to kind of put his ear to the door a little bit? Yeah. I'll do it. Whatever. I'll run a stealth check. It's not going to get me hurt. I can make an excuse. Plus five stealth. 25! No! Crit! Okay. So Duncan cat burglars down the hallway and puts his ear to the door. And all he hears is Talia haranguing this man. Just, just verbally beating the shit out of him. Just, um, just, we've talked about this. You have to be nicer to them. They're helping us. You need to respect them. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Just like, bam. Just like, just, and you don't hear the other end of the argument. Like, there doesn't appear to be anyone else speaking, just her. So. Okay. Um, so now Duncan satisfied, uh, is the person like he's ready to go and get ready? Um, okay. So someone is going to escort you into the city and, and re-outfit you. Let's catch up with the rest of group one. Um, let's see here. Uh, you're attacking orcs, right? To my understanding? Yep. Okay. So were there any distractionary plans that you wanted to go with that you said, or you just cutting, like you're just attacking all four of us?

Um, Malchus was going to find somebody with a horse and tell him to ride out to, um, Yeah, we, uh, yeah, we dubbed that. People, we'd sent for this. Yeah. Yeah. They've arrived. I assume they've arrived. That's what Jason's program is. Yes, that's, yes. Okay. Um, I mean, my plan is just to follow the dwarven lead. And then when it seems like things are chaotic enough, signal the group, slip away and go for the leader. Right. Let's just do that. We're adventurers. We do boss fights. That's right. I was just going to have you do like 10 or 12 waves of minions. And then, ah, we're going to be here at two in the morning.

Yeah. Just make it really boring is what I was going to do. But whatever. All right. So we're there. We're fighting the big boss. So, well, hold on. And he says, "Ironhide, I fear you the most." And Ironhide says, "Ah ha ha." Or you could be a dick. No. Malchus is, ah, Malchus, he is something else today. He's a moody little bitch today. You're the one who tried to throw things in the fast forward. That's all I'm saying. Ah, okay. So, these dwarves are just ready to just rare into fight. And as soon as the orcs see them on the cusp of their territory, two waves go clashing into one another.

And it's just axes and hammers and blood and beards and just, it's pure chaos. Don Hurst rides in quickly after that. Most of them on, ah, not horseback, but I mean most of them are pretty outfitted. Michael Westin's? No, those are the riders of Winterhaven. Damn it! We needed those Michael Westin's. We need some burned spas. So, yeah, it's just total chaos and the fields start, you can find little pockets in the field where you can kind of slip through and try and make your way to the center. So, I imagine that's what the group is doing. Excuse me, pardon me, I'm trying to ask you, sorry about that, excuse me.

I just need to get over, thank you. My party's over here, sorry. If you guys want to place your characters right here, please, in the general vicinity. You got it, sugarplum. You guys are about to fight a buttload of orcs there. You're about to fuck some orcs, huh? That's up to you. That's what you choose to do after the fight. Alright, everyone go ahead and roll initiative. Oh, shit, honey. Terrible roll, terrible roll. Plus five. Here we go! Try for almost a crit! Thoril, you're first in the initiative. Alright, well I'll just center on up here to eight. And just good old melee basic attack.

Alright, so let me set the field here. You guys have waded your way through hundreds and hundreds of orcs and just chaos all around you. And you made your way to the center of the camp where Sarn kind of stands out. Real big strapping, dude. And his horde of orc minions kind of surrounding him. So, go right ahead. Alright, let's hope this does something. Wow, okay. That's good. You can kill yourself. So, that's a crit mess, so yeah. I really don't think that's much of anything else. Yenward! Okay, um... Let's see. Let me see if I can reach one of these guys. I am going to hit Sir here with a reaping strike.

Can I just click the die on that orc? You sure can. 29 will hit, yeah. Right on. 13. Yenward's going to sprint forward, hit this orc, and kill it with his axe. Is he 13? Wow. That's going to change my attack. I didn't know he was going to be so aggressive. We're supposed to come over here and ask for tea. Do we have the dwarfs out here with us? Oh, dude, there's fighting going on on all sides of you. Yeah, can I catch the eye of King Stonesunder? He's kind of spread out away from this. If he were here, he'd be going after Sarn himself, I'm sure. I just wanted to give him one of those, "Yeah, I want that shit.

You been struggling with those?" Jarek! Okay, cool. I'm going to go around to number 7. I'm going to say, wait one second, a Geass of Assault on 9. Sorry, I thought you were telling him, "Wait one second." I am. A Geass of Assault on, I think that's number 9, or is that, no, number 8. Right next to me on the right. Yes. Geass of Assault on him, so he has Attack Me or I get an attack on him. And I'm going to have to use on number 7. Great! 16, that was a great miss. How about... Oh, but one fuck you second. Oh man, what's this? Echoes of Sword magic? I miss a basic melee, a basic fucking hit I should have fucking used.

God dammit, I'm so stupid. I think that's it, right? Sword magic, it's... Yeah. Used a sword mage at will attack power this turn and it did not hit any target within targets. It's lame if he caught up and everyone's like, "Woooo!" Oh, whoa. Well, it missed, so they have a... So, I guess I hit a 42 and it indulges a target. Thunder damage at target is marked by your Sword magic a Geass until the end of your next turn. Okay, so does that mean I hit him with this, I mark him with my a Geass until the end of my next turn? Does that mean number 8 isn't also marked or what?

Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What power is this again? Because I'm trying to... Echoes of Sword magic. Okay, yeah. I'm looking at it, hold on. Each enemy in the brick, so you missed though. I missed with my Green Flame Blade, but now I'm using this as a close blast of 3. Okay, so you're popping an action. Oh yes. No, no, no. Wait, this is Krigor, what are you talking about? This is triggered when I miss one. Oh, okay. Please learn how to de-en... I just asked you if you were popping an action point, you said yes. No, no, I'm confused by you don't know what to do in this game.

I want to speak to your manager. Yeah, I am your manager, B. Oh, that's cute. Ten years ago, that's really cute. Yeah, that's a Chappelle show quote. I quit. I quit. Okay, seriously, okay. So, this is a blast from... Blast from the past. God dammit. Roll the fucking attack! That's a 17 again. That still misses! Their Fortitude? Okay, but it has to go down the line because I'm also attacking 8 with this. It's a blast out. Well then that would be 5. 5 would be the only one. Fine, I don't fucking care. Okay, well then roll a 5. What about 20? Fortitude? Yeah, that'll do.

Yeah! So roll damage. Roll damage. That will kill me. Good lord, they are pushovers. Watch out guys, they're pushovers. Are you done rambling? Yes, huh? Let's get to the fight, holds it up for 10 minutes. Yeah, I know! Orc warrior number 3 is going to shift down and take a swing at Yenward with his battle axe. 27 versus AC. And 12 damage. That also hits. Thank you. I'll take it away for you while you're rebooting. It's time. Anytime, anytime. Or we're in a blue one. I do what I can. He's going to do the same thing, roll on up on Yenward and 27 to AC. That'll hit. And 14 damage.

I'll take that away while we're still getting our bearings. That'll reduce Yenward to 66 health. Let's see, Sarn. He's going to use a siren's saw. Alright. Sarn is going to wander right up to Ironhide. Garf, garf. And he is going to use his big hand axe here. And that is a D20+17. D20+17. 32. Yeah, that hits. Okay, that is 3d8 plus 15. 28. Oh, shit. So, 28 damage. Then he's going to whip around and use the offhand. Alright. Offhand +17. 26 to AC. Alright, and that's a guaranteed hit? No, it's not a guaranteed hit. It's if he hits with the first one. It's the same thing as the world, basically.

Well, I thought he has to also roll for that. I just did. It's 26. That hits you. Alright, but what's the damage now? 21. Wow. That was quick. I pride myself in getting bloody really quick. That's what I do. Let's see here. Number 7 is going to swing at Ironhide because why not? 22 versus AC. 22 versus AC. That's a miss. Okay. Ork warrior number 2. He's going to shuffle up to Ironhide and do the same thing. 18. That's a miss. Malchus, you're up. Okay. Let's see. That is Draconis. Let's not move him. 1, 2, 3, 4. Yeah, I have room. Okay. I'm going to sidle on up to 6 there.

Okay, cool. Fine, I'll sidle elsewhere. Team player! You see a sexy Ork over there? Ahooga! Ahooga! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wanted to get an accuracy bonus, but I guess that's not in the cards. Yeah, yeah, no. Don't worry about it. Party member's going to die. It's okay. It's cool. You do what you do. Alright, so. I'm going to do what I do. Which is use Soul Eater. Plus 1 for being speedy. 30 versus AC. Against Sarn, I'm guessing. Yes. That'll hit. Do d12 plus 14 necrotic damage. For 23 necrotic damage. Okay. Gorgeous. He's still standing, isn't he? Probably. That seems like what he would do.

I will... Action point. Why not? Right? Into Blazing Doom of the Void, which gets an additional plus 2 for my Soul Eater hitting. So we're at plus 19 in total. So I'll add 3 to this. 25 against 4 to 2. That'll hit. Yay! Damage is 2d12 plus 14. This is fire and necrotic. 33 damage. Gorgeous. Very nice. Okay. And then I look at Ironhide and I give him a little "how about that" look. And then I use my minor action to cast Emerald Shield to boost my AC and reflex by 2. You look at him and say "how about that, huh? Look at that!" I look at Ironhide and I go "how about that" and then I flash with Dazzling Greenlight.

You missed your ability to say "how do you like them apples?" True enough. God, I'm number. Anytime we can do a Boston accent, please. Yeah, but it has to make sense or it's not rewarding when you actually do encounter... We have a letter from that same Boston emailer. Yes! Oh god, I forget his name. We'll do it on the mailbag. So anyway, by the way ladies and gentlemen, if you'd like to get a question for the mailbag, email dnrpodcast@gmail.com. That's d-a-n-d-r-podcast@gmail.com. Thank you. Rob, quick question for you. How close are you to exploding and quitting this show forever?

Just based on Justin's interactions. Well, I'm not. I mean, I'll endure. I was just wondering. Now you've put it in his head. I can leave? I didn't know I was allowed. I have a feeling group two would be healthier for Malchus. I'm staying around. Stop trying to jump ship. I'm just... Dude, your woman is hitting on Edward now, number six. The hard work. If Malchus weren't here to give Ironhide trouble, Ironhide could have whatever he wants. Who in this party is going to oppose you when you bullrush your way into whatever plan you have, if Malchus is here? That's what I'm talking about.

We're a family. We've got to stick together. We've got to kill people as a family. My turn is over. Orc warrior number six is going to sidle up next to Yenn. We're going to use his battle axe attack. 25 versus AC. Yeah, just barely. Fourteen damage. You can take that one off. Warrior number eight. You know what? Standing next to Thoril. She's seventeen versus AC Thoril. Yeah, I didn't think so. I'm going to use the... Oh shit! A butt-bloodied Ironhide. It's going to come up. Oh, I'm so sorry dude. Did I fuck something up with you? It's everything. Every time something changes to the table, I'm thrown through this loop.

I quit. I'm just not going to worry about it anymore. I can still move and shit. I just can't see anything. We'll take care of the numbers. It's fine. It's fine. It's twelve. That's a twenty-two because we're me and Thoril. Yep, that'll hit. So you slice his back clean open and he's dead. But no, I do fifteen damage. Okay, you slice his back clean open and he's dead. Hey Tom. Yes? I'm trying to make the suggestion if you're having trouble seeing the screen to use Rob's Twitch account to see what we're doing. Yeah, okay. Dan, he's a smart puppy. You should listen to him.

He's really attractive too. I am. Someone posted a link in the chat to the new... I already have it. Let's just move on. I'll just get mad if we talk about it. Okay, okay. We'll fix it. Don't hit me. Draconis! Alright. Oh god, I just noticed that the party is intermingled with all these orcs that are really close together. No, no, no. We can do this. We can do it so like five of them just gets fucked up. Draconis is going to hold his hands out and begin conjuring a fireball. Ram jam jam jam. Ram jam. But the good thing is I'm going to cast it right... Alright, hold on.

That's not where I'm casting it, by the way. Not right there. That'll kill everyone. I'm going to cast it right there. Oh jeez, what's the burst on this again? Three. One more to the left. Because you'll hit Ironhide. Will I hit him on three? Yes I will. Okay, so you know what? I'm going to actually do that. One more to the left. Good call. Boom, right there. So that's going to catch all these dudes. Three... Is that a four? I can't see. There's a blue line on it. Three one. Three one the boss dude. Seven and two. Alright, so let's roll right down the line here. Go for three.

Alright, here's three. Eighteen. This is reflex. That'll hit. And one? One. Twenty-seven. Twenty-seven. That'll definitely hit. And Sarn? Sarn. Sarn. Sarn. Twenty-one. Snarf from Thundercats. That'll miss. Twenty-one misses? Really? Twenty-one misses. Seventeen. That will hit. And number two. Twenty-seven again. Okay. All this guy's minions just died. Just boom. Right down the line. Bam. I knew they don't get damage yet, but I assume they will die. Yes. Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam. I'm so sorry for your pain. Just everyone to his left and right is just dead. Yep. Now you're sore. Just engulfed in flames.

Sarn is the only one who isn't. But I get, I believe you get half damage? Yeah, my damage is twenty-two there, so yeah. Eleven damage to Sarn. In the commotion. Oh, actually, go ahead. You're done? Yes. Yep. I am done. Yep. Okay. Let's do Orc Warrior number four here real quick. He's gonna sidle right up to the Ironhide. Twenty-six. You know what? That hits. Okay. And twelve damage. Alright, fine. I will judge it. You'll judge it? You know what I mean. I'll monetize it. I'll give him a seven. Pachino. It's not bad. It's not great, but you know what I mean. You'll play it. Yeah.

So, hearing, so, in this melee, a few more orcs join the battlefield. These are particularly deadly, because they're completely suicidal. These particular brand of orcs have no, they don't care about their physical well-being whatsoever. And they pretty much just charge into combat and try and sink their blades into whatever's in front of them. And they're called Reapers. So, let's pop a couple of them on the field. Alright. And we'll add them to the initiative. Are they on the field? They're on the field. Yeah. I can't see those. I'm logging out. Hey, Jason.

How do I change which armor is equipped in my... Oh, no, no, never mind. Never mind. I see. Carry didn't equip. Never mind. I'm good. Okay. Thoril, your turn. I'm gonna go running right after Reaper number three. Okay. And hoping I can actually hit. Actually, first, I can do my minor action first before I do my standard action. Sure. Okay, I'll do a stance aspect of the Cunning Fox. I take only half damage from attacks made against me during my turn. And if I hit or miss with a melee attack or a ranged attack, I can take a free action and shift up to two squares.

Alrighty. Just in case I miss awfully again. 31 versus AC with melee base. You totally hit. And 23 damage. Okay. You are going to kill this thing with one strike. My god, I never... As a reaction, this thing is going to go down, but it's going to launch one desperate attack against you first. 25 versus AC. That just barely hits me. 22 damage. And it is dead and gone. Do you want to do anything else? I think it's everything. Yeah, shit. As soon as I did my minor, I was like, "Shit, I was going to use healing lore for Ironhide." Sorry, Justin. No, I'm okay. Don't worry about me.

Alright. I'm Carlito Cool over here. I guess that's it. N word. Hey, okay. I am going to put a fucking right and move on to the song. And I'm going to hit him with my Bone Crusher. That's Draconis. That's not my powers. No, it is. I'm going to hit him with a fireball. Oh, according to Merlin, I could shift to afterwards. Because it's when I hit or miss. Yeah, when I hit or miss. Yeah, you sure do. 24 versus Sarn AC. That's going to miss. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I have little trinkets that might help me. Has anybody hit Sarn yet? Yes. Can I use my Lucky Charm? Do I roll an extra d6?

You should be able to. Yes, you absolutely can. Oh wait, sorry. No, no, no. That's only for skill check, ability check, or saving throws. Oh, Jesus Christ. Since I did the Fox Dance, I only take half damage as well. Sorry about that. Are you going to move? You haven't been given any damage. Yeah, yeah. That's right. You did see a good damage. Sorry, there you go. I'm sorry, I keep interrupting. That's okay. So, no, you can't add your Lucky Charm there. Well, that stinks. Always satchel his Lucky Charms. You can pop an action point. I'll do that. Action point popped.

I can't use Crack the Shield again. Bone Crusher? No, that's a daily. Let's exhaust all the options. Crack the Shell. Alright. 30. 30 will hit. Right. 32 damage. Gorgeous. And remind everyone at home what Crack the Shell does. Well, boys and girls, Crack the Shell makes the target take an ongoing 5 damage and a -2 penalty to AC until they save both. Save both. Alright, here's what's going to happen. You've bloodied him. He gets to take an attack against you. So he is going to use his big friggin' axe. And that's at a +17. 30 versus AC. Yep. Okay. That's going to hit.

Which is 3d8, +16. Goddamn. It's hard. That's a 30. He's... Wow. Okay. He's also going to swing with the offhand. Cool. So I won't adjust my HP just yet? 31. That's 4d6 +8. 25. So you just took 55 damage total. He's down. You're shittin' me. Wow, Saren just downed Yenward. He's down at -3. Instantly. Oh shoot. Somebody saved me. Wow. Ironhide, your turn. Okay. Did Thoril ever do his two... shift two spaces? No I didn't. Some people are telling me I could have flanked four if I didn't. Go ahead. One two you can go do that. Yeah, Justin's in charge. Let him tell you. Go ahead, Justin.

So I can flank four and then probably just actually do my offhand that way or? No, I'm not. Or at least just flank and then give him the +2. Yeah, I'll allow that. Continuing your attack turns away. I'm going to cast my superior... J.F.B! 22. Oh, that's 24. That'll hit. Just 19 damage. And that will kill him. I don't care. He's dead. He's dead to me. I'm going to use Warforge Revol... motherfucker. Resolve! Revolution! Warforge Resolve! He does the eight plus half of his... his... shit. Okay, he gains equal temporary hit points so he gets 13 temps. Just two. It's three plus half your level so that's eight plus five.

It's plus five, remember, Jace? If you're bloodied... Okay, I'm reading it all for people who can't see the fucking spell. Relax! If you are bloodied, you also regain hit points to equal to three plus one half your level. So it's doubled. Yeah. See? Aren't you glad that I read the rest of that? Glad I didn't say orange. Stoked bloodied. So, I'm going to pop an action point. Okay. Super-u, samurai... Chomp. What? And retreat. Super-human samurai cyber squad, I remember that. I remember that too. Tim Curry was on that. And I'm going to use Whirling Blade upon... Whoa!

Wait a minute. Okay, you action pointed then... Okay, so you're going to do your move then action point. Yeah, I'm going to run back and then action point then Whirling Blade. Okay. Targeting one. I'm going to target boss man. Okay, Sarn. Don't do that Dan thing where I come up with all these characters and he goes, "I'm going to hit Tomko over there or big boy or cowboy." I did that. I know. I just... I'm going to hit Billy Bob over here. I normally don't do that for named characters. Yes, you absolutely do. I'm sorry. It's okay. Okay. How about a 21 versus 18?

Well, that's good. That's going to miss. I'm going to go right to number one then. He's going to shift right over to number one with the Whirling Blade. Okay. Because I can. That's a 22 versus AC. That'll hit. Good enough for a hit. 24 damage. 24 will slice his neck clean open and he'll fall to the ground dead. Then he gets his last attack on my blade that whirls right past him. Yeah, there's nothing to do there but die. Goddamn it guys, I think we did it. Killed that one guy. Alright, somebody else's turn. I am Kuput. Sarn's turn. He is going to turn to Ra-- not Rotswell, turn to Malkus.

And he is going to raise his axe in anger. Hold up, I'm being told something in the chat. Uh oh. Do I have something called ferocity? Probably. You need to look over your character. Yeah. I'm trying but half of my screen is just scared by-- I think, didn't you just pick that? I think the greatest thing about having a live show is we have people who pay way more attention to our stuff than we do. Well, I mean, I'd be happy to look myself, DM, but I have a big giant loading screen of scaring everyone. Oh shit. Actually, I believe that was something you just picked before the show.

That if you-- Yeah, that was. That was the thing you just picked. Then in that case, I can interrupt Sauron with a melee basic attack. His name's not Sauron. That's copyright. It did not get suited. The Cern Super Collider. The Cern Super Collider. That's what his name after it is. I'd like to make sure people know that it is not actually Sauron. Yeah, don't fucking sue me, please. Well, okay. I'll allow it. 'Cause you got a thing obscuring your screen. Thank you. That's okay. It's 46 versus 80. Uh, that'll hit. Nice. 21 damage. And then canonically, before Yennard falls, he makes one triumphant swing at Sauron and lands a big, meaty, just a big, meaty ax blow.

All right, now Sauron's turn. Turning towards Yenn-- or toward-- God damn it. Turning towards Malkus. He distracted me. He's got the Anvil Green Zone. Uh... 22 versus, ugh, versus Malkus's-- Armor class? Yes. That's gonna miss Malkus. Fuck that. Action point. I'm gonna miss my Malki Bear. Uh, I'm on his, uh, I have a reaction, though, to him swinging. Fine. Go ahead. Uh, he immediately takes 11 radiant damage as my Emerald Shield. Emerald Shield, gotcha. Scorches him with Glorious Light. Um, I pop an action point. Swing again. 27 versus AC. Uh, yes, you actually just meet my current AC.

Woof. Emerald Shield. That's an impressive AC, man. Yes. I'll give it to you. Um, 3d8, 3d8 plus 16. 35 damage. 35, okay, does the name of it fire? Uh, no, this is just an ax blow. Yeah, there's something stealthy and cool about it. I fire off a free action, which is not an immediate reaction, so I have one of these as well. Uh, he takes a d6 fire damage from my Infernal Wrath. All right. Uh, that is max damage, 6. 6, eh? All right. Um, he's going to also pop Furious Assault, which is an encounter power. He gets a 1d10 extra damage on that effect. The ax blow he just gave you, so 1d10.

Fucking 1. But I will swing with the, uh, with the offhand. Didn't you hurt Malchus? Yeah. So I get to... Yeah, Rob's got to do it. I'm, I'm, aren't we waiting, what's the full damage? I'm still waiting for... Okay. 1. That was, 1 extra damage. Well, 36 total. Yeah, 36. And then offhand, 35. Versus your AC. That'll hit. Anything that... That's a good first hit, though. What's a, yeah, um... This guy's, uh, this guy knows how to hit somebody. He's good at hitting stuffs. Yeah. 21, so that's, let me see. 36, 57. 57, okay. 57. Jesus! Too much, Jesus. Okay, so 50 takes me down to...

Oh, yeah, I can just do negative 57. Easy enough, okay. Yeah. Alright, um, oof. Orc Reaper 2, um... Well, fuck it, seeing Soren just smack the shit out of Malchus, he's going to charge. Uh, because he's charging, he gets an extra 1d8 if the attack lands. Uh, let's see here, what is his attack? Oh, there it is, I can just roll it. Uh, 26 versus AC. Versus Malchus AC? Yeah. Uh, that's, that's not, no, it misses. I'm at 27 right now. Damn, okay. It's a good day to use the dailies. Malchus, your turn. I would like to shift one step back. I would like to... I would, uh, hold on, let me see exactly what the description of this is, 'cause, uh...

I would like to rethink some of my life choices? I sprout, quote, "wings and a protective layer of barbed quills." Good God, I become Jesus himself. And I fly six spaces straight up in the air. Out of reach. You're fucking nasty, dude, get out of here. I'll bombard them with warlock lasers next turn, but I have to not be hit. Pew, pew, pew! You're dead, I hit you. Wow. So I am 30 feet in the air. Okay. Uh, or, or, wow, just, everything about you is just... Let's see, or we're in over six. Um, he is going to try and throw a hatchet at Malchus. I'd love to see if he, I'd love to see if he missed and then Ironhide's kind of like in the way, and it just lands on my head. 15, crit one, nope.

No dice, so... You sound like you were gonna reach up there. Well, he's gotta want it, but he doesn't want it that much. Yeah, he needs... Drakonas! Alrighty, um, here we go, that's what we're gonna do. I, within 20, so I don't have to move. I am going to cast Fireburst, which is a AoE. I didn't do that. Uh, burst two, so I'm gonna actually put this right... That's not right. Sorry, I don't have a mouse, so just bear with me here. I know, we gotta get you a mouse, man. I have plenty of mice. Meese. But not on my, not using it from a laptop. Alright, so right there, so that's gonna be like, boom, right there.

And this is each creature, so this is gonna be for Sarn and number two. Alright, roll for Sarn. 29 for Reflex. That'll hit. And roll for Reaper. Reaper, 19. Um, that'll also hit. Alrighty, and here's the damage. Badal, 18. 18 damage. Burn, motherfucker, burn. And, okay, is that it? Uh, yep, that's it. Okay. Uh, Orc Reaper, number four, is going to see what your konas just did and run towards him. Yeah, that's a little bitch. Uh, charging, and... 23 to your AC. AC, yes, that hits. Okay, so, let's see here. Uh, 3d6, plus 1d8 because he was charging, plus five. 17 damage.

Alrighty. Um, back to the top of the order, Thoril. Alright, um, let's see, for my minor action I'm gonna do Aspect of the Cunning Fox again. Uh, I'm going to, for my move action, use my daily Step of Mourning Mist, allows me to teleport up to five squares, and I gain a plus five power bonus until the end of my next turn. And I'm going to teleport right here. Okay, I'm gonna goosome. Uh, and then I'm going to do Melee Basic Attack on Reaper 2. And 34 to his AC. Yep, that'll do it. And then 20 damage. Uh, burying your axe in his back, he just drops a limp.

Huh. Uh, anything else? I'll do my offhand against Sarn. Okay. And 30 versus AC. That'll hit. And 19 damage. 19 damage! You're hoping for that notable kill, aren't you? Oh, I need that notable kill, I need something. Oh, I could probably do Power Strike. Yeah, let's not pour potions down Yennor's throat, let's go for a notable kill. Let's let Yennor die, fuck him. I did my minor action, so Power Strike is no action. I'm gonna help you. Thanks. It's up to you. Yeah, I was gonna ask about that, like, does Ironhide have all those 20 potions? I do. He does. Okay, yeah, that's what I'll do.

I'll ram every last one of them down his gala. If I pop an action point, I would just get a regular, not like a minor as well, right? Right. Okay, well, shit. You get one of something, one minor, one action, or one-- Oh wait, did I, did I? Never mind, go ahead. Alright, I'll pop an action point, and then I'll use healing lore for Yennor. Aww. That is sexy. And I'll do a healing surge. Thanks. Oh, shit. Remember that Sauron has a negative two to his AC, until he saves. Sauron has a negative two. God dammit. Serge. I cracked that shell. You did, you cracked that beautiful shell.

So, Yennward gets to spend a healing surge. That's it? And it's Yennward's turn, just in time. Fuck. Okay, where's my healing surge? I'm all lost. I can't really see half my stuff. I'll do it for you. Thank you so much. Not a problem, you're back up to 23 health. God dammit, I'm healed from half of you. I would imagine, I would imagine, I don't know why I turned into fucking Borat for two seconds. I would imagine that you'd like to stand up. I would. Should we watch? Okay, so you're standing up. Should I relax on the ground? Can I attack him? You sure can. Cool, I'd like to bullcharge Sauron.

What? Can you? Yeah. Okay. Jesus, yeah, why not? I thought you had that ring start to rush. 31. Okay, 31, that's a hit. Versus, yeah, and damage, 40, 10 plus 8. And Merlin just taught me if one of my rolls is under a three, I can roll again because I have something called doo-goo-doo-goo-doo-goo-doo and a message for Sauron. Wait, wait, yeah, I came back up. Oh, brutal two. Brutal two, yes. Um, Yenn-Wurt bends down and digs his horns into Sauron's broad chest and just starts driving him back and after a couple of seconds of Sauron just kind of like grabbing Yenn-Wurt's horns and trying to punch him in the head.

Sauron's body just goes limp and just like stops resisting and now it's just the very heavy dead body of Sauron implanted upon Yenn-Wurt's horns. Notable kill. Good job, good job. Let's not throw that. I want to look back at the party like, did some Suntun are watching? He's just like looking back and forth with this guy on his horns just dangling. Wait, wait, wait. Okay, so what's going to happen with these two jokers? Ironhide, your turn. They're going to start pissing into their shit right now and running off. I'm going to, one, I'm going to two, three.

I'm going to use Purifying Winds on number four. It's a 21 versus AC. 21 versus AC will hit. Oh my God, I need this. Notable kill, 31 damage. Notable kill. That will kill. I don't think I have one notable kill. I don't know if you do or not. I'll kill some of you. You'll be noted. Do you want to do anything else? I'm helping out a team, a teammate, so minor action. I'm going to give Drakonos a thumbs up, minor action. I'm going to give him a little nod. I'm going to give him a nod. One second. Like Hulk Hogan in No Holds Barred. I'm going to roll, I get it. Oh, crit.

I just crit the shit out of that thumbs up. Best thumbs up ever. Yeah, good kill. Love it. I don't even know what to say. I can't insult him for that. He did crit it. I can't take it away. Malkus, your turn. Would you like to perform a thumbs up? No, I need to save my actions. They're important. They're important and I'm an important tiefling. So let me paint the scene. Malkus is covered in fucking devil briars? What are you covered in? Like you're... Imagine, okay, so like you've seen like a porcupine or something, right? Right. Right, so if the porcupine were the size of a man, the thorns would be correspondingly bigger too.

Oh, that's tough. Picture that. I am just like covered in big old, probably like two inch diameter spikes. Oh, dude. Your nightmarish. That burn. That burnt burn. That set people on fire. And then I also have big leathery bat wings. And I smile with diabolic wickedness and I rain warlock lasers down on number six. Okay, what do I kill you? I will fight you in this form. I'll do it. That's the most unsettling thing I've ever seen. All right, let me check the new feat here that I have just to make sure it doesn't apply. Okay, so I have to be adjacent to him. So that's more for my melee stuff.

I strip his skin clean off. I flay him with the hellwinds of this. I'm bored now. That is versus reflex. 20 versus reflex. That'll hit. Yay. 10 plus 14. That button. 21 force damage. That will kill him. And that nightmarish fucking image will take you out of combat, guys. Yeah. So this is a pretty big deal. I got harried there for a second. That siren was cutting into people. He's a hard-hitting fuck. So what you've just done is take out the orc leader. Now, that by itself isn't a huge deal because whoever's the next toughest guy is just going to step up. I'm the new leader, assholes.

But we're pushing him out of this land, it looks like. You guys have really cut into him today. Now, the rest of these orcs are pretty much heading for the hills. You're looking around and seeing the dwarves and humans from Donhurst driving them back. There's just orc bodies everywhere. They did not see this kind of thing coming. There's also a fair amount of human and dwarf bodies scattered about the landscape as well. Good. Because these orcs hit hard. Now, how about we catch up with Duncan in Winterhaven? Okay. Alright. Dan, you around? Okay, there you go.

I didn't know if you were-- Oh, I'm here. I'm listening. I'm just going to go forward. Fuck you guys, I'm leaving. They're talking about episode one in the chat. Yeah, I was part of that. You didn't notice that annoying aqua green name? I don't know why I'm aqua green. Change that. Change that shit. What do you know? Be somebody. Anyway, Dan, tell us a little bit about what Duncan's doing in the city of Winterhaven. Because everywhere this guy is going to go, it's kind of a-- Like, there will be one of two reactions. One, wow, that is a really good Duncan Joybottom impersonator.

That's really good. Or, holy shit, walking zombie, how did this happen? Kind of thing. Okay, so first off, does Duncan see the giant statue of himself as he walks out of-- Oh, god, yes. Okay, so that's going to set something off right there. Duncan is very excited about all the reactions he's getting. He's not so much the attention. He loves the attention, but he's feeding all-- He's just going up to random people right now and kind of seeing how they react to him. [coughing] Excuse me. Huh? That's what he's been doing. I'm sure you don't want to roleplay him just running around to random strangers.

But it's very hard for him to get his attention on doing what he has to do, but he makes it to the shop, I guess would be the first place to go, because he needs to get outfitted. So, okay, actually, let's skip that. Okay, we can skip it. Well, let's just say that you've been outfitted with some pretty good gear. Like, this is something-- I mean, you're Duncan Joy Batum. That's a big deal in Winterhaven. So they've outfitted you, and they-- dude, they gave you this awesome new loot? Just awesome. Describe the loot to me that you're wielding. Me? Yeah. First off, I needed a nice-- I guess "loot" would be the word, not "guitar." Right.

That thing I said. Right. Oh, okay. When you said "describe the loot," I thought you meant like the loot. Oh, the loot. Oh, no. I see what you said. See? We're confused. Okay, so the loot that I have is-- I was able to find a-- I wanted something that represented me and me being a dwarven bard. I found one that was very industrial-looking. It had two barrels on it, you know? But it's metal. It looks like it's made by a dwarf. And the body is an axe. So definite rock star material here now. Nice. I'm just imagining a dual truck exhaust is the neck of this loot. I'm just imagining two tailpipes.

And he walks out of the store after getting it and lets out a huge power cord right in front of everybody. So these people are losing their shit. I mean, just losing their shit that you're-- not only are you alive, but you're out on the street playing music. This is a huge deal to them. Like, this is a big deal. You are pretty much a rock god in Winterhaven. Yeah, I play "Your Love" by Outfield. That's what I'm playing. That tickled tongue. Oh wow, that's right. Xavier in the chat says it's like Marceline's guitar from Adventure Time. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, it's awesome.

Go ahead, sorry. No, that's what you were saying, that I had people losing their shit. That's why I'm just explaining what I was playing, "Your Love" by Outfield. But continue explaining the situation. Okay, you have a choice to make. You can basically spend the rest of your days in Winterhaven as a god, like, amongst these people. But at the very least, Talia and Ian are going to be looking for you to rejoin your friends. Because, I mean, you're looked upon as a hero and they kind of expect you to act accordingly. Right, right. And I think all these people expect me to as well.

Like, in my mind, it's not even so much out of a sense of loyalty to my crew because I didn't leave in the best place with them. I mean, I don't think Rod Swells wanted to really hold the grudge too much. And he's alive and better than ever, and a huge star because of it. So it's not like he's angry. But his first reaction isn't to run to the crew, it would be to hang out here. But the problem is that he also knows that the longer he hangs out here, the less cool they're going to be with it. Because they expect him to go out and adventure too. So, I imagine Duncan gets in front of a crowd and says, "My people, I would love to stay here and regale you with tunes and stories of my past and explain to you how the mighty Duncan Joybaton rose from the grave.

But now I must do the thing that is guiding - the reason that I rose from the grave was to save all of you. And I must join the adventurers out there to save this land." And I put my fist in the air. This crowd loses their shit, just this uproar. Just going crazy. The people of Winterhaven has set aside a horse for you. This isn't a very large horse. Thank God. It would be embarrassing if I did all that and then had to get help onto a horse. Right? But I mean, you still - so, here's the thing though, it's still a horse, it's not like it's a donkey or something, so go ahead and make an acrobatics check for me, please.

Please, come on. It's a tiny horse. It's Little Sebastian. Oh! Oh, yay, Little Sebastian. Eleven acrobatics checks. [singing] Bye, bye, little Sebastian. Can you play that? Fuck yes, I can play that! [singing] I'm listening to Satisfashion. [singing] I love you, Tyler. So, did I fail that acrobatics? Yeah, so here's the thing. You make this glorious speech about your return and then you kind of claw your way up the side of this horse. I want to make it more like I'm going for the three amigos jump on the horse. Oh! Okay, that's even better. So you're just trying to be badass and jump on the back of this horse and you just flat out chest to horse ass, boom, down.

Yep. And then I get up and I dust myself off and I kind of make it look like I did that on purpose, you know? And the crowd just stops cheering for a second and the emotion's like, "Oh, do you help?" Like, there are people trying to come to your aid. He just spins around, throws his arms out, and goes, "Comedy!" [laughter] I do a little jig. [laughter] Which is totally not fitting with the speech he just gave. [laughter] I slowly crawl up the horse. [laughter] So, unless you want to make another check, yeah, it would be basically you clawing your way up the side of this horse like it's a mountain.

I gotta do another check, can I do another? Go ahead, try it again. 20. I got it! So this time your foot kind of finds a stirrup and you just kind of flick yourself up there. It's a much more graceful spectacle this time. And so Ian and Talia have given you their last known location for the group. And they just said the only thing that they've heard was that they were trying to form an army and they were heading east the last time they've heard. So I guess Duncan's gonna want to make his way out onto the road. Yes. So that would take to Aubrey? Yeah, that would take Duncan to Aubrey.

Um... [mumbling] [laughter] Let's catch up with the group real quick. Let's wrap things up today with the group. Okay. The main group. So you guys have killed a shitload of orcs. Yeah, we did. Blood. Very good job. King Stonesunder himself is gonna wander up behind Yenward here. Because Yenward's standing over the body of Sarn. And, uh, this, so, uh, Stonesunder's just, he's just got this huge warhammer. And it's just coated in orc blood and brain and skull. Uh, and he's kind of got blood all over his beard and he's just kind of doing that thing where you take a big gulp of something and you're just wiping that away from your mouth.

That's what he's doing with the blood. Like it's just all over, it's like, ugh, just kind of wiping it away. Um, and he looks down at Sarn and the two gore marks in his chest. And then he looks up to Yenward. And just blood and, and, and kind of viscera hanging off of his horns. Uh, and he's just gonna start laughing. Just, just, just this huge belly laugh. And he, if he were taller, he would just try and like slap you on the back. Instead this is more like he's slapping your haunch. Like just kind of like, just kind of like thigh regen. Oh, hey. [Laughter] It's nothing sexual, I assure you.

Smacks his ass and says "That'll do, pig." [Laughter] Um, and, and, and Stone Sunder's just gonna be like "Well I never thought I'd see the day. A minotaur beats Sarn!" Too shabby, right? You had a problem with him. He's nothing. Well I'm sure I would have beaten him quicker if I were the one to face him, but you did a damn good job, fleabag. King Firestomp. King Fleabag it is. Close enough. [Laughter] You gentlemen did a fine job out here today. You'll have our support when you ride against the Overwatch. That's the spirit. Uh, and all of these dwarves and humans are just kind of congregating over the corpse of Sarn and everyone's just kind of like, this is a huge victory for both peoples.

Um, this means Donhurst will not be bothered by these orcs for quite some time. Uh, and it also means that the dwarves are kind of freed up to do other stuff. Um, they aren't bound by the mountain. They don't have to stand here and defend their mountain all the time. They can actually help you guys. So, this is huge. This is, this calls for a big, massive celebration. Big breakfast. A big breakfast for you guys. We're gonna roleplay breakfast now. I gotta watch my calories. Everyone roll for bacon. Man, I'm not there! Sorry. Sorry, gonna eat the bacon without you.

Um, I think that's a pretty good time to wrap things up this evening based on our time constraints. Everybody has to roll for bacon right now. I'd rather roll for it. Done. You don't have a modifier. You've never seen bacon before. It's a flat roll? Yeah. Flat D20. Wow. Fuck. Don't get camera. Boom. Boom. 19. Tieflings love bacon. [Laughter] Um. Throws for hash browns. I didn't get 'em. So, uh, we're, we're, okay. Let me give you, let's, let's, while we hang out with the chat here and decompress. Yeah. I like it. I like it. Um. Hey Rob, can I ask you a question? What's that?

No. About Malkus? Okay. So I was listening to, I don't know if you heard, but there's like group three now. Yeah, uh, allegedly. I, there's a rumor and hearsay as far as I'm concerned. I was listening to that show and, um, they kept referring to you as Bree's boyfriend. Um, and, or Brianna. And she didn't, she didn't, uh, she didn't fight that. She didn't say anything about, do you, did you ever consider her a love interest or how did you consider her? Uh, I think those sorts of revelations are best, uh, best discovered in play. Yeah. I just didn't know if we'd get to it, but okay.

We will, I am sure we will cross the bridge of figuring that out. That is, that is too much juicy drama to not, uh, not deal with. I miss Valis. I'm glad I get to play as in group two next week. Wait, right after we get to talk about Malkus, a tiefling, you start talking about Valis. Excuse me? Tiefling. You're sitting here with us and you're sitting here talking about another group while you're here with us? It's because of the shit, Rose, you did Tyler for, for bacon, dude. All right, fine. I want to pop an action point to re-bacon. What are you doing? You already used your action point, Tyler.

Damn it, it's true. You can't re-bacon. I'll do heroic effort. So that's a seven. So I kind of like bacon. Come on, heroic effort. Come on. I'll re-bacon. Fuck it. It's in, it's in the chat there. I'm pulling it together here. Nice. Uh, so I, there we go. Oh man. That's Hugh Jungus now. Beautiful. Well, I mean, once the delay, once the delay catches up, you will see how Hugh Jungus it is. Yeah. I love this map. It was a good investment. Oh, is it not? Uh, no, it says it's, it claims that that's what's on my stream. Yeah, it's totally not. It might, it might be on delay.

Yeah, it might, it might still be the delay. Hold up, hold up, hold up. There he is. Okay. Got it. Did it go? Okay. You're good. And then I maximize it seconds later. So. Well, you guys, you guys have pretty much reached the point where you're, you're past the divide. Now you have several options. You could venture, well, you're pretty much going to have to venture further east. Now, if you go to the northeast, you'd be heading to the dragonborn home city of Orash. That is a totally mountain top city divided by wooden, like wooden rope bridges. It's also constantly windy.

Filled in the brain with dragonborn. Well, I mean, it's, yeah, I mean, these are real big, they're meant to support dragonborn. So these are real big, sturdy wooden bridges. These aren't like rickety wood bridges that are in caves. A little further east beyond that is the city of Uminyero. Floating city full of mages. Pretty much the center of magic in Theria. If it's magic, they know about it and they've probably got their mitts in it. There's the town of Aldmoor just south of that. Smaller town. Not a ton to do there. But if you're out that way, there's Brightport, which is another really big city.

It's the largest city on the east coast, actually. Their bacon supply is unchecked. It's a phenomenal bacon supply. So your big three options are Orash, Uminyero, and Brightport. So I'll leave that up to you guys to decide. It's a trek no matter which one you pick. What are you guys thinking? I think we should go to those dragonborn. They sound like they're real fucked up people that like to fight. Don't they hate Vrkonas or something? Yeah, but we haven't got past that bridge yet, so it might wipe some of us out. So who knows, he might be the one that falls.

We, um, there's a part, yeah, they're talking about it in the chat and we discussed it between me and Jason. Duncan might be deathly afraid of bridges now. Yeah, that's a good point. I mean, I don't know why he wouldn't be at this point. No, you guys though can't make a decision based on that because you don't know. Oh no, for him, he's screwed, but for us. You don't have any magic yet. No, we got healers, that's all the magic that we have. Well, actually healing is more faith based than magic. You know what I mean, it's like, you're good, you're good, get out of here.

Well, the bard is an arcane healer. The bard heals with the same kind of magic that wizards and warlocks use and stuff. But we could, I mean, I wouldn't mind going to Onak'hul. I feel like that would round out our crew. Onak'hul, what are you talking about? Isn't that where the wizards are? No, Uminyuro. I'm sorry, Uminyuro, I'm sorry. Fantasy words. Oh wow. Um, yeah. Xavier, can I put a point? How much time do we really have for... We don't know, it's been a few days. That's a thing. It's been more than a few days. You guys have been out on the road now for...

It'd be a little over a week. And that's the thing, is that if you think about it, like, we, when we first started doing this, we assumed we had a couple of weeks. Well, it was within the month. Like, you don't know. See, this is the challenge. Do you risk going further to get more troops, or do you just cut and run and wait and you don't know? I say we hit... That's what I'm saying, it's up to you. Urash, right? Urash. Urash. And then we just loop around. If you want to, we can hit Uminyuro. If not, we can just head right back. Because I don't think we have too much time.

Well, if you're worried about time... I can deal with that plan. Yeah, if you're worried about time, though, it might behoove you to go to Uminyuro first, because it looks like there's a path through the mountains that way. So... Yeah, I can see what you're saying. I catch your lingo. The path through the mountains is going to... It's going to take a while. That's some climbing involved. Now... I'm saying it looks like there's a path that kind of goes through the mountains. I think that's a road. Oh, okay. Sorry. Yeah, dotted lines are roads. We can go through rivers.

I mean, like... You can. I mean, here's the other thing about that area. This is dragon country. We could use a black dragon, guys. Now... How about Drake? What about him? 17 years ago. You look around, he has nowhere to be found. Where'd he go? The thing is, trekking up through the mountains, it's kind of like... It's like holding a big metal pole during a lightning storm. You're just kind of asking for it. Whereas if you stick to the roads and you're at ground level, it's a little... You know, I'm just throwing that out there. Totally up to you guys, though.

Well, I guess... If you guys want to go to Orosh, we can. Draconis is going to be resistant towards it, though, probably. We'll drag him. Now I got you. Obviously, you guys, you and that town or that city... Yeah, I mean, I definitely have no problem going, but like... He's not going to like it. Yeah, he might face some shit. You want a little more info on the city? Maybe make a more informed decision? Yes, history rule. I got a 40. We'll Wikipedia each of them. There it is. So what are we doing? What's up with this place? OK. Orash is... Well, home to the Dragonborn.

Now, what you know about the Dragonborn so far is that they are... They're big on honor. And they're also big on this master race idea of the Dragonborn. That only the strong survive, only the strong should have the right to survive. Anyone that shows any sign of weakness or disability or anything that would slow you down from your maximum potential, they should not only have the right to be destroyed, but they should want to be destroyed. For just the potential of holding back the race as a whole. Oh my God. Yeah, these guys are fucking serious. Now, on top of that, they are incredible in battle because there's no weakness.

None of them are like, "Oh yeah, he's got a bum foot. He can't march." No, they all are incredible at what they do. Now, Draconis is a bit of an oddball in a few different respects. That's what I get from him. Jake is definitely playing to that race's strengths. Dragonborn are big, strong, imposing figures. They've got thick hides and they're great up front in combat. Draconis is actually a mage, which is a little weird for their species. It's not unheard of. You could be a Minotaur Warlock if you want, but you're not using the abilities that you were given.

You could be a Dwarven Bard or something. Yeah, you could be a- Yeah! Or it'd be the Luke. So pretty much what you're saying is, in a family of linebackers and quarterbacks, he's the marching band leader. He's like Tau Boy, something like that, to them. Of course. Well, I mean, don't get me wrong, you are incredibly powerful. But to them, that's like if Duncan were to walk into the Stone Sunder, they'd mock him ceaselessly for being a bard. It doesn't matter how good a bard he is. To them it's like cheats. It's not like you didn't hone your ability, you didn't study sword techniques, all you do is poof and that person's on fire.

Yeah, you got assistance. A good point is being brought up in the chat. So they're the real Nazis then. Oh my god. Yeah, but I mean they're not out to destroy any other races, they're just honing their own shit. Their own gene pool is sharpened to- that's what they want to do. Sharpened to a fine fireball. And they, as a species, have pretty much agreed that this is the way to go. There are very few that break free of that and are like, "Oh, I want none of that." You'll see Dragonborn out in about a bit, but yeah, it's kind of rare. Uminyr on the other hand is a completely different can of worms.

The city seceded from the rest of Tharia and basically took off into the sky to say, "We're done, fuck this." It is where the original batch of warforged were created. They've always had free will, but they were set free after new management took over and seceded. They said, "Okay, we no longer need to enslave these robots to protect the city. It's wrong, let's let them go." One of the first things that we were talking about doing when we first got this was to try to figure out more about the warforged. Wouldn't that be a good place to go to do so? That would be a fantastic place to do so.

Brightport is your third option and you could do a lot worse than going to Brightport. Brightport is a wide open city. The City of Thieves actually is its moniker. You guys have money, you have some amount of power, and you could get back up in Brightport. Most definitely. There's a ton of options for that, so just throwing that out there. You guys got one of three choices to make. I got a question. It's been over a week, right? At least a week since we started doing this. What, since you started building the army? Like moving out? Yeah. Oh yeah, it's been over a week.

So, shouldn't we have told the dwarves that maybe they might want to gather up some tents or something and head over? Well, I mean, that's not been discussed. Every time I ask you when someone would like to meet you, it's like, "Ah, we'll get a hold of you. We'll hit you up. I got your number." Like that kind of thing. But yeah, you haven't left that place yet. I'm just asking you what you'd like to do. Alright, yeah. I think that would be the way is go back to one of the major cities and then on the way back it's like, "Okay, now gather your stuff because we're getting ready to go." They sent out a rider or something.

Like send out a Tyler to go out and, "Hey, they want you to do this." To me, just like I'm drawn to Uminiero. It seems like there could be some cool character stuff there. I think that they would help us knowing about the Warforged. Even if they don't join our side, we could get information that would help us a lot. So, I don't know. That's just me. I'm down for that. What do you think, Rupp? I think I'm in for that, yeah. So, I'm here in Uminiero. It's your next stop. Anybody else? Everybody else good with that? Yep. Let's go get a dragon. I overheard that Brightport just recently got one.

It's your bacon! Dun dun dun! So... Jeez, we got a little bit of time here. Do you want to field questions or something from the chat? Oh, Rob! Are you going to be able to make the next mailbag this Saturday? So, next week and Saturday. That should be fine. You want to do that live? Mailbag live? Sure, we can do that live. I've never done one before. I'd love to do it. Should we bring mail then? Or should it just be like, hang out with the chat, take all questions from people who are present? Well, I mean, we have a ton of emails, so I want to answer them. But, I mean, if it's one of those things where someone sees a really good question in the chat, then we'll answer it on the fly.

Okay. Yeah, can do. No problem. Xavier says we're crazy. How many other people do you have signed up for? Let's see, okay. Let me see if I can run down the list in my head. Tom, Tyler, Rob, Justin, me, Brian, Alana, Izzy, and Merlin. Merlin. So it'll be a big mailbag crew. Because this will be the first time we've ever had one, two, and three on the same mailbag. And I wanted to wait until group three is kind of done enough so that they'll have questions directed at them. And they sure have! So... Yeah. I really like group three. Merlin just friended me on Skype.

Oh, hey, if anybody wants to follow Duncan on Twitter, @duncanjoybatam, he's there. Thanks, man. So, next weekend, Saturday, 7pm Eastern. 7pm? That's okay with me. Or 6pm Eastern. 6pm Eastern. Be there or be square. Should we set up a Twitch channel? Maybe. I don't know. I just figured, like, Rob already does it. Like, if he can get a subscriber or two out of this, I just figured. Yeah, it's just the only reason I say that is because of, like, it would kind of be cool to get group two or group three to be able to do a live session one time. Oh, absolutely, yeah.

I'd love to do that. It would kind of be cool also to have, like... Like, Dungeons of Ramness has a Twitch stream. Okay, but what is it called? It's not called Dungeons of Ramness, so... Where would it be? Well, I'm saying, like, right now it is. And that's the current state of things. Yes. Yeah. Eh, as long as they got a link. Oh, maybe it's something that can get set up here soon. Yeah. Well, the only problem is I can't stream it because then they'll see the DM's point of view and someone could tip the cap to one of you guys playing and we can't tip the cap.

Tip the cap. Why, why, why, why, why, why... I was gonna go downstairs but my ankle broke and I just... I'm falling, I'm falling. I just turned into one of the teachers from Peanuts and, uh... You're dead, Danny! That son of a bitch. I had a good line, but... You had a good line. I mean, like, you... It's dead at the bottom of the stairs. You're having an off day, Tom. It fell right through the rope bridge. That's what happened there. Yeah, buddy. Alright, cool, cool, cool. I get it, yeah. So, everybody in the chat, what do you guys think of them going to Uminiro?

Like, what would you have... What would you have had them done if you were making the decision? It sounded like a lot of them were planning on us going to Uminiro. Yeah? And a lot of people were suggesting that before we figured it out. It seemed like there were some that were saying Brightport, but it also seemed like that would be metagaming if we did it for the reason. Yeah, I figured a lot of people would say Brightport for the specific purpose. Something is telling me to go to Brightport. No, no, no. Well, I mean, it wouldn't be metagaming in that...

Malchus does have family there. Right, it's metagaming in the reasons that they want us to go to Brightport. Oh, yeah, no, yeah. Right, but Malchus doesn't want to see his family, right? I was expecting Rob to be like, Malchus has family there? I kind of wish that would be metagaming also if we went to Brightport and I know Carter is still over there. And we see him and it's like, "You motherfucker!" And we just start fighting. This is it. This is the war right here. Dude, that could have happened a couple weeks ago. Last week it would have happened. That would have happened.

We would have got our shit fucked hard. Oh, we would have got our shit pushed in because we were too busy getting our asses kicked from the last fight. But I think then it would be group one and two. Like, most of the groups... I mean, Alana's not going to be there, but like, most of group one and two fighting Carter. Because they don't want to be in that predicament where they're like, "Yeah, we answer this fucking warlord over here." That'd be cool. Oh, God, I forgot to mention that. It should be noted in the chat that the Dragonborn and Red Dragons communicate with each other.

They actually use... Some get to use dragons as a means of transportation. Like, they ride dragons. Well, but they have a Blue Dragon, don't they? Or a White Dragon? No. No. They have a Red Dragon? Well, the Dragonborn do, yeah. No, no, no, no. I'm talking about... I'm talking about the... Group two. Yeah, yeah. Group two. They have a very large White Dragon. Mm-hmm. White Dragons are pretty much the largest of the available dragons in Theria. Okay, middle note, though, when you go through the mountains, Draconis can talk to dragons. He might want to speak up and say, "Hey, dragon, stop that." "Hey, dragon, come with us.

Be our dragon." And then we'll have a dragon. Be my Valentine. I choo-choo-choose you. Oh, man. If we had a dragon and then we had to fight group two for some reason, and then we had dragon on dragon, that'd be awesome. I think that's what group two... If group two and group one ever got into it, it's like, "Well, we got a fucking dragon." I mean... Well, we got a fucking minotaur. We have a Valus. Valus versus Malchus. Ugh. Yeah, I kind of want to see that, and then at the very end they just start making out, and it's like, "Ew, this got awkward. I quit." What the fuck?

I'm really... I'm sorry, when did this turn into slash fiction? Okay, here's the thing. It's just... Gay incest slash fiction. That's what he just suggested. With every new power that Malchus develops, he becomes more and more the embodiment of fucking... Justice. Justice is the word you're looking for. Yeah, exactly. I said not. You are a fucking horrible demon to so many people, and you're not doing anything but steering into that stereotype. It's like watching an old minstrel show or something like that. I am. I hold that I am the best tragic tale. I am the tragic tale that this show needs.

Sadly, you don't see it. Hold on. Here's the thing. You need to listen to more of the show, because your situation gets less tragic as other Grimnuses appear and start doing stuff. And then based on the decisions you make in group one, and like it's... I'm just saying, it's... I would love to know the reason for Malchus's animosity towards Valus at this point. Yeah, that kind of makes sense. Like, I would really like to know. We need to clarify and canonize exactly what happened between them so I can know what it is when the time comes that we meet. Oh, I've canonized it.

I'll catch you up on everything that's happened on group two and everything that's happened in the 17 years you were absent. Okay. Okay. I will totally... I'll send you an exposition dump right away. He's like three seconds away from Dana now, and you are currently a bat with porcupine flaming? You're right. You're a demon. You're a porcupine demon, dude. I like to think he's not three seconds away. Like, it's kind of like unofficially already happening. Well, I mean, like, he's very U-granary about it. You guys, we are just about to crest 2,700 likes on the DNR Facebook page.

Oh, shit! Oh, no! Jesus Christ. This can't happen. That is insane. That is absolutely insane. It's a lot of likes. They like us a lot. Like, Valis and Baraneth are the Jim and Pam of DNR. Oh, don't do that. So what does that mean, Brianna and Nalkis? That's pretty much the same situation. They just haven't done anything about it. And it's kind of gross, right? It's kind of gross. I don't see where... Well, wait a minute. If Valis and Baraneth isn't gross, I don't see why... Well, this is different. Like, Eden knew her as a kid. It's pretty gross. And then overnight she becomes a grown-up and it's like, "Hey." Well, he was never...

Well, wait. Malchus never came on. Malchus never came on to Bri. Like, that was never a thing that... I mean, there's some deep-seated feelings there, though, because that's... The thing is that Malchus would remind Brianna of a time where her life didn't suck so fucking hard. Yeah, it's very much like reminders. Almost like carrying around a picture of like, "Hey, remember we used to smile and have fun? This war is something." Yeah, and she's just endured 17 years of awful torment and it's just been terrible. And... Never mind. I was gonna say something...

So she's doing everything short of just throwing herself at him. I don't even... It's not even that. It's just... Every time Malchus walks out of a room, she's just biting her lower lip. So if it's all based on him saving her when she was a little girl, if she gets out alive, is there gonna be a weird love triangle between them two and Duncan? Because Duncan is so a dwarf, a teethling, and a human? Well, she's always kind of had an attachment to Malchus for whatever reason. But, yeah. Duncan was kind of a dick, so... Wait, wait, wait. I got a question for Duncan.

What you said before about like, he didn't really end things well with the group. Are you talking about that two minute fall? Yeah. Okay, okay. Cool. Yeah, specifically the fall. Wait, you're just cursing our names? Right. What else have we got here? The thing with Malchus and Brianna is Malchus doesn't fully know how he feels. And I think Brianna would have to actively make an advance on him for him to decide. I don't think he would be the initiator in that situation, just because it would be a little weird. But if she was like, "Well, I'm grown up now and I'm okay with it." Like, then it might...

It calls you a Malchian, jams your tongue down your throat. Yeah, yeah. A little of that action. Let's have Jason describe that for entertaining strangers. You're not going to touch my precious Brianna. No, I just... Hi. I don't... Come here. Oh, God. Yeah, God. Stop doing that shit. It doesn't feel skeevy. Like, it just feels... It is really skeevy. It's gross. Okay, okay. But you guys... So you're looking at this in a perspective of the real world. In a world full of magic where weird, crazy stuff is happening all the time and half-brains are everywhere, where people are mating with every which thing.

But it's not that you're mating with a human. It's you're more of a father figure. What I'm saying is... So she just calls him "Daddy" a lot. Okay. You're not just having relations with time-adjusted female is one of the less weird things that can happen in a fantasy world as far as sexual relations go. Well, at the same time, though, like, all this stuff is normal to them. They're not looking at, like, magic, you know? It's like, whatever. Like, how we look at firearms, it's like, whatever, and just hold it and pull the trigger and something dies. But, I mean, it is a shocking thing that you disappeared for 17 years and came back.

That's not something... and it's shocking that you... it's shocking that it magically happened. It's not... like, this isn't a D&D universe that's so infused with magic that it's just like, I don't know, that's a giant snail riding a unicorn and it's magically infused and it's riding by and it's shooting fire at its eyes. It's not like that. Like, it's a little more grounded. So, yes, magic is a thing. Yes, it exists. But usually it has to be explained somehow. So, to her, you... I mean, 17 years have passed and everything, but to you, she's a little girl, bam, an adult.

Right. I don't deny that. It's weird. That's why I'm saying she would have to initiate something for him to consider it, but he wouldn't outright say no if she initiated something. Like, that's... keep in mind, Malchus is... I mean, Malchus has always said that he's, like, he would just... he's not sitting there overly concerned with, like, the moral structures of society. If he could have his way and Bree was okay with it, they would leave the continent and leave Overwatch to subjugate the continent. He would tear that shit up. Man! Is it wrong that I was...

I'm less okay with this than I was with her being tortured and interrogated. Yeah, that was right out like that. Well, then all you have to do is never have her initiate anything. Let's find the low that group three made and bring it even lower. This poor girl's been through enough. It just... I'll be under that bed. Oh, what we gotta do... we gotta capture one of their dudes and we gotta pull a Game of Thrones on him. Just cut his dick off. Oh, I like that. Right? We just cut his dick. Right? That proves the point. All the sex talk makes me realize Duncan should have gotten some ass before he left.

He will never join us at that time. He did. He ran right into a horse's ass. Nice. He jumped pretty high also for the chest of him to be lodged right in the horse's anus. Where is where the poop comes out? Thank you. I learned something. That's some true David. I looked at Google and I was like, "I'm gonna pass some knowledge on you and I'm gonna pretend like I knew it all along." I'll say this. It's not completely out of question. I can totally see that working out. I can totally see Brianna and Malchus hooking up. It's just... logic-wise, I just don't see where we would be there yet.

Because a week and a half ago, she hated the idea of Malchus. The fact of the matter is it's just really hard to come to terms with the fact that it's taken us half a year or a year to play a half of the game. Well, you guys usually sit down for like once a month or so and then we... Yeah, we need to do a little bit better on that. It's back to back. You have. Absolutely. Yeah, I basically wanted to say group three is gonna make us look like shit very soon. I'm sure there's people listening to us right now who are like, "Man, I'm shocked that you guys did two weekends in a row." I'm shocked that we did two weekends in a row.

We need to like... I think scheduling is definitely something we need to do because this month... To be fair, we can't help what happens in the real world. I mean, that's true. Well, I know. I know that. That's definitely true, but also like having it come down to the wire and say like, "Yeah, I can't do it this week because something came up a month." I would say it's not just... I would say it's not just that. It's how you guys work as a team. Like you guys would get more accomplished in-game if you maybe worked a little more as a team. Bahamba. Okay. If we wouldn't spend half of our time.

We did. I think our team is pretty strong. We're pretty good. Have you listened to group three? Me? No. Well, that's the idea though. That they are like completely... They were put together as like a... like an adventure initiative thing. They get shit done pretty quick. We're a ragtag group of, you know... Yeah. We were kind of thrown together. It's like, "Well, we have nothing else going on. How about you guys? You guys worked together before." It's like, "Oh, okay. I guess we can do that." So, like, I feel as though, like, the way that this has been going on, us arguing, us breaking down.

This is how it should be when you say, "Hey, six guys have been... you guys did some stuff before. I want you to go out and save the fucking world." It's like, "Oh, okay, okay." So when we go out and start doing this, we start breaking down. See, but at the same time, and this is where Duncan was coming from last week, is that... Yeah, but no one asked us to do that. We took that upon ourselves. We're asked. White Ravens. Hmm... kind of. I mean, we kind of... They put their heads together with you. This was something where you guys are used to taking charge, and you kind of came in and said, "We're going to do this." Yeah.

Well, here's a list of people you could go after, I guess. The White Ravens told us the situation, and we said what we're going to do about it. Yeah, but at the end of the day, it was like we either all stand there and hold our ground at that point, and then just get overrun, or we go out and do something about it. Right. There's definitely not a template for what we're doing right here. Right, right. But it's not... I mean, taking it from another point of view, it's not like anybody instructed us this is what we have to do. We took this upon ourselves.

We did this, so we should have been prepared to work better as a team. And I think we're getting there now, you know, but... Who's we? Us. Jason, when you were talking about how our D&D world is not so infused with magic that there are... What did you say? People riding what? Just like giant... Snails riding unicorns. Snails riding unicorns with fire shooting in their eyes. Yeah, with talking swords. All I could think of when you said that was, "Well then, clearly we need to play The World of Cinnabar, which is one of the worst designed and most bizarre RPGs ever made." And I just want to read you a quote from the Wikipedia article.

"Cinnabar is actually Mars, 50,000 years in the future, hollowed out and tuned into a spaceship to take humanity to a safe place after the Earth had been destroyed. Civilization is beginning to be rebuilt after a series of disasters, and technology is practiced as a religion. Cinnabar is also noted for bizarre monsters, including the giant mutant fire clam and the flying grizzly capable of shooting laser beams from its eyes." Cool. That's something to be feared, guys. Are we gonna do that now? Because... Sounds pretty good. Like, if you listen to some...

Like, there are some D&D settings that are ridiculous. Like, just, like, so over... Like, magic is just everywhere. Just like people just, like, going down the street. Have a fireball. Have a fireball. Like, it's just fireworks going off everywhere. Oh, Jim. That is the same... It's ridiculous. It's almost like how, like, Endgame World of Warcraft was, where, like, there was, like, a flying city and it's, like, everything's just floating and everything just seems magic. And it's like, this doesn't make a mage feel very good, where it's like, "I'm not fucking unique.

Look at this place." They do everything well here. So, do we have D&R shippers? What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. Is it anyone... That means a writing relationship fanfic. There's gotta be somewhere. Someone's just not telling us yet. We could hold a contest and then there would be. Let's not have some ballots, man. There's three couples. It's been mentioned in the chat that there are three couples. There's... 'Cause they mentioned Thorl and Rodswell earlier, so... Yeah, that's true. Thorl's had a couple of run-ins with him. Thor. And Lady Boyz. Let's not forget.

Ava was not a boy. You mean Evan. He's tied to the back. I really want to see what happens if Talion, Thorl ever gets to exchange some words alone. Dude, I don't care about that anymore because he's just sleeping around with anybody. He's, like, having Rodswell grab him. It's like, "No, dude, I don't fucking care anymore." It's like, I don't really look at you as, like, "Nah, man, I want to get my girl back." "But I'm also the Witcher, so I'm just gonna go out and bang anything." That's what he's doing! Wow, Thorl. God, Thorl is kind of the Witcher, isn't he?

That's the plot for the Witcher. It's like, "I'm trying to get my girl back." "You, come over here. You, tits, over here. Come on, let's go." I was gonna say, I think I'm at a point where Thorl's not really trying to get her back. Yeah, I think he's good. 'Cause it's, like, seventeen years has passed, and... I'm not even saying that he's trying to get her back. It's more or less trying to figure out what would be going on with Nathaniel. Yeah, I was never under the impression that Thorl was too interested in having any kind of relationship with her. It was more of a, "I slept with your wife, bro," kind of thing, you know?

I don't know about anybody else, but I kind of want me some Storm Render. No? Alright, cool. Sorry, I'm reading the chat. I was about to say, everybody's reading that big, uh... That paragraph that's been posted. Hi, Jamie Lee. Yeah, I... Yeah, again, total... Not a post. I think we're just, like... We'd have to get there roleplay-wise. It just feels weird at this point, where it's just... Like, we've had a long time to think about it, but I always try to think about it in character. The problem is, like, we are... We're in one mode where it's like we're all kind of at each other's throats.

It's kind of calming down right now, but we're out killing people, and it's hard to get into that other mode of saying, like... "Oh, now I have to do a big romantic scene." It's like, well, I think that's something you would have to talk to that person about. Like, if it's going to be Tyler, then you've got to talk to Tyler, and it's like, "Hey, man, think about doing this. What do you think?" Yeah, it's easy for group two, because they're out having tea and crumpets and stuff. Repainting the walls. Here's the thing. You know, I like to look at this...

They have, like, one episode where they will play breakfast. They had two, where they just sat down... There was also... They also punch holes through people's chests and kill gnolls. I won't give them that. No, no, no. Major revelations about characters in the universe. That's one person. That's the talent. That's the talent on the team. Come on. So, uh, Baranath and Vallas. These guys tear it up. When will the next episode? Hopefully they do a better job rolling for bacon. Because we were lighting them up this time. We gave them a run for their money. Some damn good bacon rolls.

I didn't even roll, because I don't eat no goddamn bacon. He just eats the grease. I just kind of chew on it and spit out when nobody else is looking. Rob and Jason romance, also. Yeah, Jamie Lee in the chat is like, "Plus, Rob and Jason get to do romantic stuff." Which, Rob, I would romance the shit out of you. You'd have to get there first. Yeah, chase this one. Mm-mm, girlfriend. Brio, I bet, would be forceful about it. Well, let's see, is it Rod Swell forceful, or... After this last episode, she has this affinity for BDSM. What do you mean, Rod Swell forceful?

You made me sound like a rapist when you said that. You know exactly where you were going, you pinged the defense, and you grabbed. It was clinical. It was purely clinical. No, no, good job. I'm serious, good job. It was all purely clinical. Mm-mm, it was. He did move a little. I didn't... Nah, man, it's all right. It's contact, man. It has a mind of its own. I can't help it. You made it Rod Swell. Good job. I don't judge. Not it. It is right. God, dude. Tom came up with that name. Rod Swell. All for this moment. Yeah, I've been waiting for a year. That's exactly what it was when we were first talking about the name.

Waiting for those jokes. Puts up this right in the eye. Yes. That's the... Yep. Mission accomplished. We can go home. That's a callback. I'm... Okay. When Jason... When you came to me and talked about wanting to do Duncan again, the first thing I thought of is just Duncan and Yinward. Yeah. And Duncan and Draconis. Well, if you remember months ago, I pitched it to you, and you were like, "Nah, I'm good." Well, it's because I... As dumb as it sounds, I felt like we didn't do Rod Swell justice at that point. And I think we have... I think we've gotten to the point now where...

Well, you can only do him so much, and then, like, you look at it like the situation is gonna cause so much conflict with what he's doing, and what the group wants to do about getting an army. It just... Everything made sense right now, you know? So... So what is he riding, a donkey? It's little Sebastian. It's a miniature horse. Pump his legs until his heart burns. Pleasure. Your 10,000 candles in the wind. That's little Sebastian! It would be great if we had a little Sebastian equivalent in Theria, just like, "That's the miniature horse of legend!" Oh my god!

Okay, they gave Duncan the horse. Stupid. When he shows up to Aubrey, they don't give a shit about Duncan, but they're just like, "Oh my god, the horse." I love that Rob is cycling in and out ridiculously awesome, like... I'm just taking pictures on a wild internet adventure. If there's a Malchus Brie fanfic, it has to include the line, "Oh, Malchus," she groaned. Oh, come on, dude. Why the fuck did you take it down? "Oh, Malchus," she purred. Yeah. You know, the safe word is "little one." What is happening? I don't like the way this is fucking going. It's so... you know, if I had the fucking time to write the book I wanted to write, it would have been about Brianna, and if you find out what happened to this girl in 17 years, you wouldn't be fucking saying things like this.

I want to find out what he did. That's somebody's daughter. It used to be, yeah. I just want to stay up at night reading fanfiction from... I'll accept it. I don't know if I'll read it, but I'll read it. I'll read it on the air, Jason, if it's any good. Oh, just a separate podcast with yin word reading fanfiction. It caught... like, I know she's not a real person. This causes me physical torment that you're... Yeah, it's like you're a kid. Ugh. It's a pleasure to make your daughter's acquaintance, Mr. Massey. This is why we shouldn't have a live crowd, because stuff like this happens.

The same word is blue! They did it. Oh man, that's... nevermind. Nevermind. Satra-fah. I don't understand. What do the white ravens do now? Nothing. What is it they do here? Because we have archers, we have healers, we have all this. What do they... there's like ten of them, right? That's a good point. I'll turn on them. Let's kill them. No, I'm asking, what do they do exactly? Fight. Really? Well, I mean, they're more about surprise ambushes and such, but there's a lot more than ten of them. I mean, they're not an army. They're not that sizable. They do guard a giant magical portal that can take us anywhere.

Which was completely forgotten about after the first encounter with us. I hope that we never decided it was safe enough to use. That's something we get constant emails about. It's like, are they ever... what the fuck? When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory? That kind of thing. I've imagined... I brought it up for like three episodes and it got shot down every time, so I just stopped asking. Imagine this. Suddenly, a portal opens up and six people come out saying, "We need your army! We need your army!" Just like, clawing, trying to get out of this portal.

Like, it's not... it's gonna cause a fight and we're gonna fucking die. Well, you don't know where the portals lead. I get that. It's just... Yeah, we don't know... Fuck it, let's do it next episode. Next episode, Dragon Ball Z. Portal? But it's just one of those things that as a listener I get where people would just... Every time there's something super interesting, we're like, "Let's not do that." You know, like when the Warforged got taken by last week and we're just like, "Nah." And it makes sense as characters, but as listeners I can get where you'd just be shaking.

Well, how about this? Somebody's riding the Aubrey right now. Why don't they try to use the portal? Well, I'm not saying we should do it just because that's what everyone would want. I'm saying it would make you just bow right there. Yeah, but how would Duncan have any knowledge of any fucking portals or anything? Because he would know. No, Duncan would walk through the portal, most likely. Well, now I know about now. He would have if this was... Does this lead to a bridge? I tell you, if the portal falls down a hole... Not again! I have two minutes to riff on you.

It's the same hole. Wow, there are some suggestions in the chat. Malchus uses his bat wings to fly with Bree, singing the Aladdin song. A whole new world... You fantastic point of view... If you write a Theoria-based parody of A Whole New World, I will sing it and we can sell it. Okay, dude! Go ahead. I was... Man, I've been thinking about Duncan's stuff. Just... If it works out... I didn't want to jump on it right away, but I was thinking about doing some kind of song or something like that. That's why I was asking about having somebody with a guitar. Oh, that's what that was about!

Yeah... That would have been awkward. What did you say? That would have been awkward. If you were to do it live, right in front of us, and we didn't know about it? No, no, no. I meant just record something and put it on the website. I thought you were just like, "I'm gonna sing a little ditty for you guys." And you just launched it into a three and a half minute song, and we're all sitting here like, "What?" He just starts in at the beginning of "You Really Got Me," just the entire intro. Oh, wait a second, wait a second. Damn it. Wait a second. I just started Wednesday.

Hold on. I'm gonna get this. I never played this, by the way. I should have told you this. Wait a second, wait a second. I pulled the way I thought. You hear that music? Can you hear that guy? No? Okay, hang on. He just starts saying, "Fuck, I'll just sing the guitar to you." Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna get that out there. I gotta get back to writing some "Living in Theria." I promised it on Twitter. I gotta get it done. Living in Theria. Panhand. Aggresonation. There's Duncan's song, "Living in Theria." Apollo Creed gets killed. Sway it in. Who's the equivalent of Apollo Creed?

Thoril. Somebody who was against us and then, like, he was with us. Drak. Oh, that would be, what's her name? From White Ravens. Leo. Leo, they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be, yeah, I guess. But I don't want to see her die because, you know, she's an actual fighter. Do you know how many messages I'm getting? Oh, Egan! Oh, he's not for us, dude. He's the Vegeta of the group. He's a bitch. He's such the Vegeta of this group. He doesn't want to see us die, but if we did, he'd be like... Like, have a little smirk or something like, "Mm, yeah." Yeah, he's totally...

He's the Prince of All Saiyans. Um, I... Do you know how many messages I'm getting about the fucking necklace that Brianna was wearing? Like, I'd forgotten about it. Oh, you forgot about it? I was totally... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, I forgot about it. Oh, okay. Like, I would introduce a major story element and then just forget about it. An episode or two later. It's a checkoff gun, people. Yeah, it's there for a reason. Like, I didn't know she'd be captured, but now that she is, that's fucking amazing that she's, like, that's... Okay, what necklace is it again?

The one she gave to Malchus. The one she gave Malchus. Oh, shit. That it goes off whenever there's somebody in trouble. No, it's not whenever they're in trouble. That's something people keep... That's the thing, yes, it has to be, like... It's one of those things you have to kind of, like, clasp it and, like, yeah, it's an activation thing and people keep thinking, "Oh, she's in trouble to activate." That's not how it works. So, timeline-wise, are we caught up to group three? I think they're, like, what? A day behind us? Uh, they would be two days in front of you.

Right. Yeah, so we wouldn't know anything about this. Yeah. It didn't happen yet. Either way. Brianna is still on her way back from Durnhollow in this timeline. Durnswallow. Sorry, you're stupid. No, I get it, I get it. No, it was stupid, though. Save that for the pornographic remake. Oh! Oh, that's when the Valus and Malchus thing. You burned down Durn... No. Malchus and Valus present Durnswallow. Oh. They knock each other into buildings and all of a sudden they're not gonna... When things so wrong just feel so right. It's like the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode where Spike and Buffy just fuck each other in a broken building.

What? We are getting a question about comms. We've thought a lot about them. Coms? While touching ourselves. Cons re- Oh. Look. Um, we're going to- Okay, let's discuss this for a second, everybody in the chat. Sure. Jamie Lee brings up a good question. I want to go to every con. So we're going to St. Louis, not for a con, but we're going to St. Louis to get the band together, so to speak, in June. Touching dicks. So this will be June 11th through the 15th. We're all gonna touch dicks. Woo! Big party. We're all gonna get together and take a bunch of group photos and hang out and do all kinds of stuff.

Maybe do a mailbag or something while we're there? Kind of a virtual con. And then just have the most personal attacks against each other. It's like, "And then you did this!" Wait. But we're in the room so someone can go- You're doing June 11th through the 15th? Yeah. That was the convention weekend, though. Yeah, but let's not. Okay. Justin doesn't want to go, I guess. I just don't want to. You can't make me. While you hear it here first, listeners, Justin says no. So we're not going to the con and we won't be able to see you guys. I'm sorry. Justin put the kibosh on it.

I was looking forward to meeting all of you. I was, too. Look, I want to shake hands with each and every one of our listeners, but Justin, he said no. The only thing about that con is if we went to that con, it would literally just be us going to the con. I doubt we'd be able to do anything. Well, we can't do anything at the con. We can't touch dicks inside that building. We can't. Even if we are at the level, it's still too, we can't just barge in and be like, we're doing something now. You know, it's. Just set up a table in the middle. Set up a table? Then put somebody through it, right?

Wrestling. Like, what if we just met someplace like a game, like a hobby shop or something like that? We just took over? We'll go to game night and we'll. Yeah, we'll just go to game night and just have everyone meet us there at a certain time or something like that. Artemis is going to fucking answer for things. This is where we start like fucking losing it. It's like, Artemis, you bastard. I'll stay and talk to you, but not me. Tom just comes in and like opens up his arms like for a hug. Like, Artemis, you bastard. Look, we're going to be in one spot. I would love to do something where we can interact with listeners.

And it would happen to be in St. Louis. If you want, like, because you were talking about spending the night in St. Louis, too. So everyone has a couple of days to get there. So, I mean, when everyone's in St. Louis, St. Louis is a much better place to do it in. Yeah, how far away from St. Louis is your? A couple hours. Okay. Ooh. That's not terrible. I thought like, like I thought you said like Southeast Missouri and it was like, oh shit, like as far as like I had this, like another four hours at least. Like, I'd have to go. No, I mean, I doubt actually you'll be even coming through St.

Louis unless you go into St. Louis. Does that make sense? Like, okay, unless you meet up with the group and then travel together, there wouldn't really be any reason for you to go. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I got a question then. Is everybody coming? Like right here? Is everybody coming like Rob or Dan? Are you going to be there, Dan? I got shit to do. I don't know. Are you going to bring Danielle at least? No. You're going to bring her to your house? Do you want to send me like the name of the town, like through the Skype chat? Just like that way I kind of know like where it's at.

It's Pittsburgh, Missouri. Pittsburgh, Missouri. Okay. I didn't want to like. Really, look for Lebanon. That'd be the closest. I see Lebanon right now on the map. Yeah. So it's more mid-Missouri really, but you know. Yeah. Missouri's not that big, so. The only downside being there's like no direct roads that lead straight to it. Well, I mean, there's 40. It goes 44. Like the thing is, is that it the once you get off the main road, that's the thing. I was thinking like out of St. Louis guys just, you know, get a van, you know, and just kind of. Just everybody pile into my car.

Yeah, that'll work. We did that last year. Is it Alana's driving? Wow. Is it Alana? Yeah, me too. Oh, you're driving too? Yeah, it's a 16-hour drive. Why don't you pick up Tyler? Because Tyler let him fucking drive. He's got a car. You could convoy. But like Tyler's in the opposite direction. Yeah, it'd be better if Alana and Tyson did it because I'm at least on the way there. Yeah, that's true. You guys can convoy. Somebody can convoy. I don't think Alana and Tyson will be in the vehicle with them. Like I'm not saying I'm an awful person. It's just I don't know if they get, like I'm afraid people would get like annoyed with me.

Oh, they definitely, they're against you already. It's crazy. Toby, he hates you. We can set something up like a meet and greet in St. Louis, but I wouldn't recommend anybody making travel arrangements or anything like that. No, no. If like you're there locally or something, I would just like, year three I think we could actually do something at a con or something because this is like, let me live with you guys. This is growing way bigger than I ever thought it would and way faster than I ever thought it would. Now here's another thing though. If there are people out there that go to cons and that attend them and know people that run cons or anything, if you get in contact with a con and say, hey, we want these guys there.

If somebody got in contact with us, we could probably get somebody to go. I'm just saying guest of honor has a really nice ring to it. Yeah, I just don't want to be the guy knocking down doors, especially when I don't really know how big, you know what I mean? Like in that world, I don't know how much weight we carry. So, yeah, this would be more of a situation of us paying somebody to have a session. I just realized with taking a slightly different route, it's pretty much just as far from where I live that St. Louis is. Yeah. Yeah, it's no different. It's just going to be a lot more backwoods, like, even though Des Moines to St.

Louis really is just backwoods anyway, but you know. So, but you know, maybe when we're all out here, we can discuss the idea of doing a con more seriously in person. That'd be nice to do one day. I've never been to a con. I'd love to check one out. I want to go to that C4 one in November for Canada. That would look pretty cool. Rob's been to cons. I know, Rob's been to cons. Rob's got all these ends and he refuses, he said, his exact words were, "Fuck you no talent chumps." I heard it right now. You're reading it. Yeah, let me. You're adjacent. "Fuck you no talent chumps, I refuse to use my ends to let you ride my coattails further.

I published a book. Suck it. Robert Ouizon." Okay. Whoa. P.S. I don't quit. You're stuck with me. This show would be nothing without me. But I do expect money. I helped him write that, by the way. I helped him write that. I just want to point that out. One scene kiss is Robert Ouizon. Is Rob showing up, Rob? I don't know why I'm talking like you're not here. He lives there. Yeah, I'm going to be there, sure. He lives in St. Louis, so. I was going to say, if he doesn't show up, that'd just be a massive slap in the face. Like, I just don't have time, guys. I'm going to wash my hair.

I'm going to wash my bandana. Yeah. I'm going to hug the crap out of you, Rob, when I see you. I'm just letting you know. You all get hugs. Challenge accepted. We need to bring a lot of board games for that weekend. Yeah. I found a board game, and I'm looking to buy it. It's like 15 bucks, if you've ever heard of -- maybe Rob's heard of it. It's called "The Resistance." I have. I'm just trying to resist somebody. I've heard of it. Yep. Yeah, "The Resistance" is going to be one of those things that may break up our friendship. What is it about? It's about a bunch of us.

It's five to ten players, and everyone is part of a resistance, but there are up to three spies. Oh, yeah. What happens is at the beginning of the game, everyone closes their eyes, and then the spies open their eyes so they know who each other is. And then you pick groups to go on missions, and then basically, if you're part of the resistance, you play a card that says, you know, "Success." And if you're a spy, you can choose either "Success" or "Failure." And basically, the whole goal of the game is three successes, the resistance wins, three fails, the spies win.

And the whole goal of the game is to argue amongst each other throughout the game to find out who the spies are. Yep, that'll lead to a fistfight. Dude, I want to play that so bad. Yeah, it's like 15 bucks, and I'm planning on bringing it. Yeah, wellouch911 in the chat says, "Play Cards Against Humanity." We did play Cards Against Humanity. It was great. That was fun. That was for a lesser. We should... Yeah, I'll play it again. I can record that shit too, again. No, you're on camera this time. If we do something, you were not on camera at all. Oh, I thought you meant like camera detail, like...

We might bring a camera. I might have a cameraman for us, so... I... Wow. I'm trying to save up some money and get a really nice camera. Because I'd like to actually turn Living in Theria into a video thing for the site. I can't get... You're going to film on location in Theria? Yeah, that's the plan. I'm going to go completely insane. Dude, I'm telling you, man. You could make this part of Theria out here, because it's just woods and lakes. You can come out here, film yourself in Theria. What's the Warforge situation in St. Louis? St. Louis is fine. Out here...

We just walk through every now and then, start stabbing shit. Die, die, die. Start doing our own low-budget movie, like Justin's in silver painted cardboard armor. We just larp. We just larp the entire room. That sounds fun. Call me naked. Can we larp? We have to pretend that Tom's like eight feet tall. He's like one of the shortest people around. I'll buy Stills. I'm tired of you, motherfucker. We do need a high-def camera. Wait, wait, wait. That was directed at Justin, I'm guessing. Yeah. We do need a high-def camera to videotape Justin shooting off an automatic rifle out here.

Is that really gonna happen? Are you handing Justin a gun? A loaded gun? And the guffawing that will ensue. I do not have a gun once. Well, I mean, come on, dude. Really? Who wouldn't pass up a chance to say, like, you could fire a gun as long as it's not a person, and there's no consequence? I wanna shoot some shit. Hey, Justin, I don't know if the stream's caught up, but there is a glorious piece of Warforged art coming up there. That Warforged is swolster. Wow. Oh, shit. Could you link me the chat? Justin left years ago. You left. You left. I did not. You have no proof.

He was never there. Eberron is the setting where Warforged were invented, and for every Eberron sourcebook in 3rd edition, or 3.5, Wayne Reynolds, one of the big D&D artists, did a huge, like, for every book, there was a huge two-page spread just on the inside of the cover. And so if you look for those, they're glorious. They are just, like, Wayne Reynolds doing what he does best, which is really angry people fighting in fantasy worlds. I really wanna see that. Yeah, that's pretty gorgeous. Oh, you want me to link in the Skype chat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just link me the chat, and I can get inside there.

Get all up in there. There's the link to that picture. God damn. Is that Ironhide right there? Oh, he has a shield. Close. I don't know what the fuck they're fighting. The goblins? The cultists? Those red-headed guys? No, Eberron's a super cool setting. It is my favorite D&D official setting. From what I gathered from it, it's more like a desert-y, like, end of the world type thing. There's a continent that's like that, but it's... You're thinking of Dark Sun. Dark Sun is desert end of the world. Eberron is fantasy noir. It is dark magitek fantasy. It's pretty awesome, boss.

I'm gonna look for more of those pictures and keep putting them in the old stream. It looks like I'm being beckoned, so... Alright, Dan. I have a child that I need to put to sleep, so I will... I'm just gonna choke hold him. Go sleep. So I will... So I'm not good next weekend, but the weekend after and every weekend after that, I mean, I'm good. Sounds good. We'll... Okay. Two weeks sound good? Two weeks? Two weeks? Oh, yes, please. Two weeks. Two weeks. That's... Pencil it in. I will see you guys later. Yes. Love you, Dan. Love you, too. Kisses. Love that man. Ooh, lost my train of thought.

I was gonna say something about... I was gonna say something to Rob, not about Rob. Damn it. You're gonna find me at the bottom of these stairs. I... Hey, Tom. Twisted leg? Yes, sir. So, okay, I really want to get inside your head about this, Rob. Okay. 'Cause you've been... it's... I don't know if it's a metagaming thing or if you really just... like, as far as group three goes. Mm-hmm. So let's say Malkus does find out about... Oh, yes. ...what's happened to Bree. Mm-hmm. Like, give us a glimpse of what his reaction would be. I just... It would start with disbelief, followed by the irrational notion that we need to march on Overwatch immediately, whether we're prepared or not.

Okay. Down. Yeah, it would be like, "Nope, we're done putting the army together. We're going, we're going." And that's absolutely something I would expect Malkus to do, as well. Okay. Yeah. Complete disregard for our actual level of preparedness. I'm... that's... I'm almost kind of wondering... well, actually, since group three is a couple days ahead of us... Okay. ...like, some of that's, you know, some of the stuff that we've listened to hasn't happened. I was gonna say, like, I didn't... I'm not even 100% sure if we're gonna get to the next town before something may happen.

Well, like, at that point, though, like, it's not magic that everybody in theory is gonna know about this, so it's gonna have to take a long time to get to us. Well, I mean... Like, it would be common knowledge for somebody in the west... or the east to know something from the west. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not for the... well, it depends on what that thing is. Like, if it's about the war or something, then people are... I mean, like, they have a general knowledge of it, but it's not something that affects them directly. I was just wondering, like, it was one of those things, like, I know...

Like, me and group three are kind of like... after they had done what they'd done, I'm like, "Oh, my God, wait till he hears about this." And there was just this radio silence for us, like, "Oh, he's gonna get to it, he's gonna get to it, he's gonna get to it." And we just kept waiting and waiting, and you played it so fucking cool, we're like... Like, what... like, we wanted to... The fact of the matter is, she is the one human being, one of any species that he cares about above and beyond the east, including and beyond his own safety. So, he would try to go in there and not just rescue her, but leave, you know, no stone stacked upon another on his way out.

I think that's exactly what Jason was planning on, too, with the way some of his interactions have sounded with group three. Yeah, I mean, if you want to escalate group one up to eleven real quick, all you gotta do is let that information get back to Malkus, and he's gonna pull a veraneth and go whether the rest of the group's right or not. Well, the problem is, it's... that might not end very well? That is probably how he would go out. If you didn't come with him and help him. So, we might have a very dead Malkus on our hands, because if you guys refuse to go, and Malkus can't take the army with him, he's not waiting.

He's not leaving her in those hands. And there would be no talking him out of it, no, like... No, not at all. You would have to pitch the most incredible argument. You would have to overcome every fiber of his caring about one other person being. Even if somebody grabbed him by the shoulder, shook him frantically, just "Baa! Baa!" right in his face. And then clucked at me like that? Just "Baa! Baa!" just screaming in his face. Pretty convincing argument. I feel like that wouldn't help. Alright, come on, lay off, man. Yeah, I was just curious. It's one of those things where I want that passion to be kind of reignited in you.

And I just wanted to... I'm kind of curious. And that was completely them that decided to give it a shot. Jason, are you self-conscious because I seem dispassionate lately? It's not self-conscious, I just... It's... It's more... Why doesn't he love me anymore? HAHAHA! We used to be so close, Raul. You used to bring me flowers? This isn't gonna stop. Go ahead, get it all in your system, Tom. What happened to the bandana I love? Used to go out to eat all the time. Spend more time with your Sims family than your real family. I was gonna say something about that, but that was just too fucking good right there.

No, no, no. It's not self-conscious. I just, you know... I don't expect you to listen to every episode, 'cause you're... That one was imperative, though. Well, I got there after the deluge of tweets and prods and all that good stuff. That was the thing. You know how you can read text in certain trains that are in the background for Tyler? You know how you can read text in certain... Like, there's no... Like, say, a sarcasm font or anything like that. So I read that tweet as like, "For the endless wave of people tweeting me, I'm listening. You can stop." Like, that's how I chose to read it.

Well, and I appended the smiley face to the end with the hopes that it would communicate that I am not. You pointed that out, yes. Keep in mind, there is also some active effort to not have Malkus nab the spotlight every second of every episode. Like, when Brianna is around, I will play Malkus... I will take the spotlight and run with it. And when... You know, in certain situations, I know that that's the Malkus time to shine, and that's when... And he will shine a fiery red of the abyss. But he's like... I also want to have this be an ensemble cast situation.

I don't want to sit there being like, "Well, also, here's Malkus' opinion on this issue." Oh, no, no, no. But that... Like, look, I wasn't like... It wasn't like, "Well, they all picked blue pants. I wonder what Malkus thinks about..." This was a big... This is fucking Brianna. Like, this is the one character that Malkus has had. Like, he has family in Brightport, and he hasn't tried to visit them yet. But Brianna, if it was... That's the thing. Like... That's my thing. That's all it was. Turn his phone around. I mean, the family thing is not being broached, mostly because I didn't breach it before we had our time travel thing.

So, like, at a certain point, he's accustomed to being out on the road, and he's probably curious, but... There's also something big going on. I mean, like I said during the episode, we've spent months upon months playing, like, a week and a half of game time. He really hasn't been back from the time travel stuff that long. No. It's very true. You know, like, there's priorities, and there's things that he can let wait, and there's things that he can't let wait. And one of those things that he can't let wait is if Brianna is in mortal danger, at which point all bets are off.

Okay. That's reasonable. Completely reasonable. Yeah. I think it's a lot of that disconnect between how long the real world time has been and how long the game world time has been. Like, from a listener perspective, I try and look at it from a listener perspective, and I think everyone's just like, "What happened happened?" And then everyone's like, "Oh, shit! What happened?" I think everyone's just waiting for that. I kind of enjoy the aspect of, like, in-game time is different from how real time is, but if you look at it, like, we aren't used to going out and then fighting.

And suddenly you're fighting a hundred people at once. It's gonna fry nerves, it's gonna kill most of, like, your positive emotion. Just look at it like, "Why are we doing all this?" It's just gonna spring up in another hundred years. Ah, dude, that war. That's gonna be crazy to roleplay. I know for a fact it's not gonna be like, "Here's some rolls. Okay, those work pretty good. Now here, fight this boss fight." It's like, no, we're gonna have to look at what we have versus what they have and guess where they're gonna be. Yeah, it'll be a lot of setup before the actual, like, you guys will be planning it out.

And then see if you made the right decisions based on what you have, and it all depends on how big the army is when you're finished. So we'll get to roleplay like a war room situation. Oh yeah. Like, just all of us at a big circular table. Oh dude, you're fighting a war. Like, I'm not fucking, I'm not bluffing about that. Like, you will be, like, your decisions and actions are going to be sending thousands of people, maybe potentially, to their deaths. And we can all fail if we don't look at this as that. If it's gonna be like, we tell these guys to go over there, we'll sneak around the back.

That worked for dumb dor- dumb works. It's not gonna work like this. We're gonna have to find out where the best place for us to be so the rest of the army can do something while we're doing this over here. So, you know, if we start falling, then hopefully the army can do something about, like, what they're doing so they can just walk in and just start killing people. Then how are we gonna handle that? There's mostly humans in there. Like, there's a lot of just innocent dickheads just walking around. "I'm here, I can't..." Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You didn't have a problem implicating an entire town in the crimes of a few people in Durn Hollow. True, but this is also Justin speaking. I'm not actually... Oh, I was about to say, because wasn't Ironhide the one that suggested that Winterhaven be sacked in terms of you getting an advantage? Nope. Okay. Justin's compassionate. Okay. A Cherokee. No. My baby is... There's a question in the chat. I believe Malchus is still younger than Valus, even after time travel. They were born as... Well, let's see. Valus is 42, Malchus would be 25. They were born twins, but there's a 17-year difference now, so...

So they're not twins anymore. Yeah. Legon Feria. Ew, Braneth got turned out by a middle-aged man. Well, Braneth would be way older than Valus. Ew. She's an elf. Oh, that's true. Good point. Ew. She's crazy. So she needs to get a family down now. Here's the thing. The biological clock is ticking. Tieflings age slower than humans, too. They age about 25% slower than the way humans age. Still does what? He still does what? He's really liking his early 30s. Yeah. How about that? That's still the time to settle down. Cradle robber. Everything got really quiet. The war should be another seven-hour session.

Nice. People think that was a seven-hour session. That was recorded over several weekends. That was... Yeah. Can already have one. Oh, the first episode? Yeah. How did that happen? We just did all those and said, "We'll release this as one episode?" No, that was back when we were doing it for TWR. Yeah, it was five or six episodes. Oh, okay. Yeah, and then we got our own feed and we started doing it that way and we just said, "Fuck it. This is all just one episode." Because this bombed massively on TWR, so we just like, "I don't know. I'll toss it up on its own feed, see if anybody would like it." Look at us now.

And they did. That's three downloads when it was on TWR. Yeah, and now we're falling down stairs twisting our legs. Well, I think it's a pretty good time to let everyone go for the night. Thank you guys for hanging out with us. Yeah. We do what we do because you love it. You do what you do. Yeah, thank you so much for turning out and hanging out with us for hours and we'll do it again for the mailbag next week and answer all your questions. So, 6pm Eastern next Saturday. I'll post something on the fan page and Twitter too so people won't forget. Alright, is it?

I'm going to say this one last thing. I always looked at Malchus and Bree kind of like how Hellboy and the other chick that he was always with. Okay, that's basically what I picture too. Okay. Because, you know, Hellboy's from Hell. And Malchus... Might as well be. Fucking leathery bat wings covered in porcupine spines on fire is just so... Why would you do something? Flying around, shooting lasers. That's racist, yo. You're a nightmare. What noise would he make as he's doing that, Rob? The sounds of a thousand people dying. Keep in mind, all the bat wings and dark magic and stuff, like, that's not like biological.

That's part of his mystic path. You could have picked something different. I know, but that's the thing. That's what makes it worse. It's because tieflings are looked at as half devils and everything and you are on a path that sets you right up within that stereotype. Yeah, as you get stronger it's going to get worse. As you get stronger, like, you're more and more demon. So, like, let's say the rest of the Grimnus family who has had to fight that stereotype for years. It's just like you're out there in a fucking watermelon eating contest. It's just like, good God, man.

Like, come on. I'm trying to use it to save someone I love. Right, that's the thing. Yes, that's the thing. Like, it's so... That's what makes him so endearing. He's fictively magic. I don't know, I dig him. Here's a picture of a Caucasian mountain dog. Let's close this out. Okay, goodnight everyone. Stay black. Thanks for turning out. Take care all in the chat. Goodnight. Spike your hair. Stream is off. Okay. I can breathe those fucking people. Oh wait, still on. Sorry. Now stream is off. I feel good I can fucking pop now. Thank God. Why didn't you talk, Jake? I can speak freely without being judged.

Undo the top button of the pants. Oh shit, you gotta go, don't you, Jake? You know. I don't get that so... You know. Yeah, I'm gonna get ready and bail, maybe grab a bite to eat. I'm fucking starving. I've been on this computer since, like, fuck, I don't even remember. I don't even remember anymore, guys. I left work at like 4.30 this morning and you talked about on Facebook how you were up for an hour at that point. Yeah. Well, yeah man. Take a break, dude. Yep, I'll probably take a nap, get up and start editing, so... Alright, thank you guys for sitting down.

Really appreciate it. Yeah, thank you. Alright. Love you guys. See you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.