Have Faith

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Hello, this is Brianna. I play Judzia Grace on group three. Well, half of group three. Um, here to remind you to like us on Facebook. Um, give us a five star rating on iTunes. And follow all of our characters on Twitter. And we are still trying to save up for the Get Jason Out of New Jersey fun. So if you guys want to go to our website and check that out, we'd be extremely grateful.

And we hope you enjoy this episode. Uh, okay. Let's go around the table and do that thing where we introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Kat. Hi, I'm Kat Charlie, and I play Fi, the changing thief. And Izzy. Hi, I'm Izzy, and I play Una, the half-elf paladin. And Bri. Hi, I'm Brianna, I play Judzia Grace. You killed my father, prepare to die. Nice! I've been holding on to that one for two weeks. Inconceivable. Um, last time you guys beat up a dragon. How'd that feel? Feeling pretty good? Yeah. Um, now, you guys stumbled across some legendary weaponry here.

And some armor, which you so desperately need. Now, you're still wearing standard armor, just to let the people at home know. No magic armor at all. But, you guys have decided to skin Kaelthorn and take his scales. Now, you could totally do something with those. And we're gonna talk about that in-game in just a few seconds. On top of that, Jatzia looted the Helm of Seven Deaths, which I'm sure she can't wait to play with in combat. Yes. And there's the Cloak of the Walking Wounded, Lucky Charm, so you guys got a couple of tricks up your sleeve. Not to mention Kord's Fury, which kinda makes Una your Yenward now.

Oop. Which, we're gonna see how that works in combat. Like, I, yeah, we're gonna see how that works. You are still very much in the swamps. Because it's gonna take a while to skin this dragon, so unfortunately, if you're gonna want to get all the scales you can, and, I mean, you're only gonna get away with so many of them because, I mean, they're gonna weigh you down. Like, I imagine you can divvy them up and you'll have enough to make probably a few sets of armor. But it's gonna take a while, so that means you're gonna have to camp out in the swamp, which is not preferable.

The swamp at night is not a great place. But campfire, you have a party of five, it should be doable. We completely cleared out that cave. There wasn't anything else in it, was there? Um, there was not, no. Okay, um, would it be more preferable to camp in the cave? Um, yeah, you sure can. I mean, there's a giant corpse of a dragon outside, nobody wants to fuck with that. Probably not. Let's prop it up like a scarecrow. And it's skinless, that's really fucking creepy. Um, yeah, you could totally do that if you want, if you want to camp out in the cave. It's kind of, I mean, it's perfect for you guys.

Like, it's, the good thing about this cave is that it's not this ceaseless, like, long, like, it doesn't go way underground. It's kind of just its own little, it's almost like a garage for a dragon. Like, it's kind of weird that it's out there. So it's totally doable for you guys to camp out in there and not have to worry about getting jumped in the middle of the night. It's probably a lot safer, to be honest. That's some good thinking there, Cap. Camping, okay, let's say you got a campfire, you're all kind of hanging out around it, and this is a chance for everyone to kind of get some rest.

And kind of recoup from that big ass dragon fight. Uh, Bree and Liara are hanging out around this campfire. I'm imagining everyone's just kind of chilling out. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Making your way back to the swamp at night would probably be pretty dangerous, that's, so yeah. Just camping out in the cave for the evening would be a good idea. Liara's gonna start, like, admiring the stuff you guys have picked up. Specifically that helm. That is an interesting... Now, what would have, okay, let me ask you a question, like, okay, roll a history check on that, Jadza.

Okay. I'm asking so long. History. I have less than ten now. Twelve! I have less than ten, I rolled a two. [laughter] Okay. Twelve. So you don't know too much about this crown, so like, what would have, like, what would have incited Jadza to pick it up and put it on, like, I'm gonna use it? Is it just because, like, this looks pretty? Like, is it just that, or is it, like, you're getting the sense that there's some power attached to it, or? Um, I don't know anything about it. I would assume it's just because it's pretty. Okay. Didn't, didn't, didn't we make a history roll at the end of the last session?

I can't remember if we did or not. I believe that was just on the, the weapons of Kord, like that was, that was one of those things. Okay. Pretty sure that the helm wasn't included in that. Um, so, okay, she's gonna, she's, she's just kind of looking at it. Um, do you, do you know what that does at all? Um, no, I have no idea, but it seems vaguely magical, so I wanted to study it. And you want to study it by putting it on your head? Did you see the gems? They're, they're quite gorgeous. Um, I'm not denying it, I just, could be, could be kind of dangerous.

Well, I don't know what else to do with it yet, and the only way to know what it does is by you trying to use it. Okay, fair enough, fair enough. Um... If I did decide to like, try to study it, could I like, roll another history check tomorrow or something? Yeah, you could, uh, well like um, like an arcana, yeah. Like an arcana check. Oh, arcana is also plus time, watch me roll a one. Three! Jesus! Well we're getting better slowly. If, if, if, could I chime in and try and roll like a history arcana for her, kind of? Yeah, 'cause she works with Kord. I know what that is, or something.

Oh wait, but it's not a weapon of Kord, nevermind. No, it's not a weapon of Kord, but it is, uh, go ahead, go ahead. Just kind of like maybe in your studies. Okay, um, history is... You kind of studied it at a temple? I have the same history and arcana, which one would be better? History probably. Seventeen. Okay, so, let's say, let's say that Una kind of studied different weapons and armor at the temple of Kord that she, yeah. So that, like, she, she has a little bit of insight into it. Okay. Um, and Una would probably relay, like, the soul-sucking capabilities of it, and yeah, like, so that, like, the basics of it, like the basic functionality of it.

So now Jadzia would know that that is a pretty powerful artifact. Jadzia, Jadzia, it can suck fucking souls out of people. Big grin. How? Jadzia's gonna, like, once she hears it has to do with souls, she's gonna kind of study the gems a little bit more closely. Are there any souls currently in it? There are not. Okay. Just curious. Do they get all shimmery or some bullshit when there's a soul in it? Yes. They fill with, like, a green mist, I think. Yeah, it's like a, like a green glow. Like a Sims thing? Kinda, yeah. Yeah. And then Jadzia can only speak Simlish.

Mahobolibah! Um, Bree is gonna strike up a little conversation with Una here. And it's kind of quiet in this cave, but it's definitely, like, echoey. Like, people can, it kind of amplifies people's voices and everything, so she's gonna kind of lean over and she's keeping it real quiet. She just kind of wants a conversation with Una, like she's not trying to, um... Okay. I need to say something and you need to be quiet. Okay. One, I'm sorry for trying to kill you. [Laughing] Um, the last couple of weeks have not been great and I'm not dealing with that as well as I could.

And I've been talking to Liara about it and I need to find a way to stop acting on emotion so much. I mean, I have to do that for my powers, but I gotta stop making decisions like that. I'm supposed to be leading these people and I need to be more level-headed and I'm sorry. Apology accepted. I mean, I see nothing wrong with leading by emotion. I don't see how that's a problem. I mean, it shows that you feel. I mean, you couldn't have known, you weren't with our group, but... I've seen what happens when people don't lead with emotion and you end up dragging 500 boys and girls to their death.

There's gotta be a balance though. I can't just... I mean, don't get me wrong, you totally screwed me over. You made me look like an ass, but I should have left it up to the elves or at the very least, I should have talked to you beforehand something. I should have handled it better. That's an opinion. I'm certainly grateful that you intervened. The elves would have killed me outright. I wouldn't have even had a chance, but I think you did exactly what I would have done and I respect you for that. Yeah, those elves are not fans of yours. That's gonna take some smoothing over.

We're gonna have to talk to them. This is a good first step. You guys definitely... you can take care of yourselves, that's good. We're gonna need that. Um... there's something else. How did you just stand in front of that dragon and not... you didn't even look scared. I mean, that was... that was a big dragon. That was Kael'thorin. I mean, you didn't even look frightened at all. Why? How? How do you do that? It's like this, sweetheart. I'm terrified, but my brand of bravery lies in not showing that and just dealing with it and going forward anyway. It's not any less admirable or amazing to show your fear and attack the dragon anyway.

You did just as much damage, if not more, to that dragon. But you were terrified, clearly, visibly. That's an even more pure form of bravery than mine. Come on, look, you're a beautiful badass bitch. You have nothing to fear. She's gonna kind of look away. She doesn't take compliments all that well, so you calling her beautiful is just like... she's just gonna shrug that off a little bit. Okay, I'll... okay, I'll just keep working on it, I guess. I mean, we took it out. That's awesome. I thought we'd die for sure, to be honest. I mean, we beat Kael'thorin.

That's pretty awesome. You're just gonna, like, take the biggest grin. We killed a fucking dragon. Just, like, so fucking happy. Do you guys want to wrap things up and get some sleep, or do you want to ask any questions or talk or anything? I did want to talk to Liara... well, Jadzia wanted to talk to Liara a little bit. Sure, go ahead. So while Brianna and Una are in the corner talking, Jadzia is gonna sit beside Liara and say, "Would you like to exchange some information?" Sure. What did you have in mind? Thought we could play another one of those question games.

Oh, alright. Do you want to start? Um, sure. Let's make this one easy. Do you know anything about this helmet? It doesn't really look familiar. I'm kind of more physical than magical. To be honest, the best thing I ever had was this gorgeous silver sword that someone gave me, and I kind of lost it. So, no, I'm afraid I don't know anything about that. That's alright. I didn't expect you to. Would you like to ask me one? Sure. Tell me about your husband. I mean, you said he's crazy and I'm getting kind of a weird stalker vibe, but really, tell me about him. Like, where did he come from?

How long were you together? Jadzia's gonna kind of like hang her head like, "Fuck, I didn't expect this to come up again," and sort of sigh and say, "I'm not 100% sure, but I'm fairly certain my mother sold me to him when I was 14. At first, he was supposed to be my teacher, but as soon as we arrived at his castle, it was clear that wasn't how it was going to end up. And he forced me to become his wife by threatening me. I would rather not go more into it. I'm really sorry to hear that. I won't pry any further. Alright, next question. I'm assuming you know most of the White Ravens, yes?

Yes. Do you know one named Laren? A tiefling? Uh, the name sounds familiar, yeah. He'd probably be out in the field if I don't know him personally. Are you looking for him? Actually, female tiefling, and yes I am. Okay, your turn. Tell me about how you split from the Overwatch. I mean, I know about the circumstances, but how did that feel? Fia's gonna perk up and come and join, come and sit down next to the owner of this. Just kind of like joining on the game? Yeah. Sweet. Jadzia's going to run her fingers over her cloak, which, um, her cloak is actually clearly built for a large man, and she's sort of a small woman.

So it's pretty much dwarfing her at all times. And she says, "This was my father's cloak. My father is a captain in the army." So turning against the army was kind of rough, actually, but then she's going to look at Fie and Una and say, "I saw more bravery on the other side." And honestly, more common sense and more transparency. The decision was very difficult, and I really hope that I can explain it to my father one day, but I had to choose what I thought was right. And then she's going to turn her head really quickly to change the subject. How about you, Shane?

Oh, um, well, I was only in the army to say that I wasn't put to death. It's completely stupid. You know, you're still from this one guy, and he holds a grudge, and he says, "Look, you're going to die." Luckily, one of my brothers was in the army, and he managed to save me. I was in so much trouble. But yeah, so I don't actually hold anything too much to loyalty in probably the same respect everyone else does. I just want to protect people, and I don't think that I would have been alive to protect the people I need to if I had gone back. What did you steal?

Oh, it was like a bit of jewelry. It was absolutely nothing. It was engraved, but I don't know. It was just some rich asshole who held a grudge against someone. Fair enough. I think it's your turn. Weren't you also a member of Overwatch? Now it's her turn to kind of recoil just a little bit. Yeah, for a while, yeah. So I'll repeat your question back to you. Why did you defect? Originally, I was hired to protect the then-mayor, Carter, from a vampire that he thought was going to attack him any day. The longer he waited for it, the more paranoid he got. He had me guard him in his sleep.

Then eventually I just kind of became second in command under the captain of the guard. And he just kind of forgot about that after a while, and I helped secure the city. I helped make sure things stayed safe there. And one day I looked around and realized that people were afraid of me. And I didn't like that feeling. Why were they afraid of you? It was what I represented. They were afraid I was going to drag them off and execute them, to be honest. You kind of realize that if that person didn't do anything wrong and they're still afraid of you, then you're not keeping anyone safe.

You're just keeping them in fear. So after the captain of the guard left, it took a while, but I kind of smartened up and joined him. And that's how I fell in with the ravens. And I think that's my turn. Bree was telling me some things about Durran Hollow. You care to tell me what went on there? I mean, I know things didn't end well after our friends rolled into town. I don't know all the specifics, but I heard there was a fire. And that kind of sounds like the group we know. But what were you guys doing in town? C, do you want to take this one? We were invited in to beef up security a bit, provide any help that we could.

When we did get there, the slaver group was not very happy about the death of their leader's brother. We protected the town from the slavers. We freed some of the slaves as well. And I think we've sent reinforcements there to help rebuild the town and to help the citizens there. So the Overwatch now control Durran Hollow, is what you're saying? Yeah, sounds like it. Not sure if that's better or worse. Well, your turn. Who gave you the sword? I came from the town of Aldmoor, which at the time was this know-nothing little dirt poor village. And I got bored helping my dad run his shop.

After he got sick and died, I decided I was going to strike out on my own and be a big-time adventurer. And a few days on the road, I was promptly jumped by orcs and almost tied. There was a mercenary group that actually saved me and kind of took me under their wing, and I learned quite a few things under them. And when I left them, they gave me that sword as a gift. And that came in very handy for my chosen profession. Turns out that you either get very rich as an adventurer or very dead. So I decided that I would chase down the things no one else wanted to go after.

Vampires are right at the top of that list. Any of you ever fight a vampire? No. Not personally. Yeah. Try not to. They're nasty. Nasty as hell. And yeah, I've made quite a few friends doing it, but... And then she kind of points to her eye. My first outing was not as successful as I would have liked it to be. Okay, here's the big one. Bree was telling me that you said you had information about the group we know, specifically Malchus, and how he had murdered someone there in cold blood. How do you know that? Una? We talked to the captain of the guard, and he said that there was clear evidence that one of the men they were fighting had been knocked unconscious or otherwise out of the fight.

And that they took it a step further and killed him brutally. Considering the fact that they burnt down a brothel full of helpless women and maybe even children in there, yeah, I wouldn't put it past them. And the fact that one of their members defected right after that. Wait, what? The priest. Rodswell. Bree is gonna look up. What do you mean, defected? He left. We talked to him. He came to the overwatch. He must have ridden straight from wherever they were. How do you think I came back? Bree and Lure are gonna look at each other, and they are very concerned.

Bree's... When was this? Only a few days ago. You didn't think that was important enough to tell us? To be honest, with everything going on, I kind of thought you guys knew. Earnestly, I thought you sent him in there to get Bree out. Why did he defect? I don't understand. From what it seemed like, he was a fucking coward, and he was scared for his life, and he was sick of the violence being done in the name of good. Which I can kind of see. But at the same time, there's no excuse for it. How much did he tell you? He was pretty vague about most things, but he appears to have a lot of information.

Bree and Lure are gonna look at each other again, and it seems like they're almost communicating silently. Like, they're just adding it up in their heads. Lure, that is not good. Do you think he'd just sell us out to save himself? He seemed like coward. I would imagine that if he isn't on your side, which is what I truly suspected, then you can assume that everything he knows Overwatch does know. We're gonna have to move a lot quicker than I assumed. We should get some sleep. We're gonna have to move in the morning. I have one more question for Liara. Go ahead.

Liara, your White Raven intel network within the Overwatch, can you send messages in to certain people? It takes a little doing, but yeah, usually. My... My mum worries a lot. I just need her not to worry. I just need to send a message in to her to make sure she doesn't worry about me. Let her know I'm not coming back. It's kinda risky, but yeah. Yeah, I can do it. Thank you. Seriously, let's get some sleep. As soon as the sun comes up, we need to get out of here. Alright, as Jodzi is tucking in, she just has one more statement, not a question. She's going to turn to Liara and say, "If you could keep an eye out for me, it's important.

Female tifling, tall, long black hair, and we have the same cheekbones." And then she's gonna lie down and go to sleep. Liara's just gonna kinda nod. Brie's gonna kinda curl up and kinda lay her head in Liara's lap. So, do me a favour. Everyone roll a perception check. Perceptions? Checks are going so well for me today. Twelve. Eight. Twenty-five. Okay. Twelve is pretty much the cut-off. So, a couple of hours in, you're gonna hear Brie just scream and wake up. Twelve and twenty-five are definitely gonna catch that. That takes a twelve to notice? Yeah, I mean, it's not like a scream-scream.

It's just like kind of waking up with a start, that kind of thing. Just like panicked. So, Jadzi's gonna sleep through it. I'm tired. Yeah. So, a bad perception is a good thing in this particular case. Sweet. And yeah, Brie's just gonna, I guess it's a very common thing after she gets her shit together, she's just gonna stand up and just kind of stretch her legs and take a walk. This is a very common thing for her. Can I get up and go after her? Me too. Yeah, if you want. Okay. Like, kind of like throw out the blankets and kind of like jog over towards her. Yeah, so she's right at the mouth of this cave, basically.

Okay, out of game question, is there any way I could roll to knock her out without having to beat the shit out of her? Like a heal check or something? I don't know what that... I guess heal kind of could be it. Yeah, I mean, there's no Lunesta spell that fucking knocks people out. It's basically, in this world, it's... Trust me, if there was a spell, she wouldn't have people put their fucking fist in her face to knock her out. Like, that would not be the preferable option. Like, she's still bruised from the last time. Like, she's still very bruised in the face.

Okay, maybe not then. Like, this is just something she kind of lives with. That's just kind of like, what? Like, she'll get like maybe an hour or two of sleep in a clip, like maybe. Okay. Kind of like slowly walk up to her and just like... nightmares? Always, yeah. I mean, you can go get some sleep. There's no reason for us all to be awake. No, I don't like the thought of somebody waking up from nightmares and being alone. My sleep hasn't been entirely peaceful since my resurrection. Sorry to hear that. Is that because of the spell or just the whole experience of it?

I don't know. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't just the process of coming back from something like that. Well, hopefully that wears off after a while. Yeah. We'll sit up with you until you feel better. That's really nice of you, actually. I appreciate that. So let's say that... hmm... Let's say that it's morning now and eventually everyone kind of gets some kind of rest. So that you've had your extended rest, you're ready to go, and you guys are... You've grabbed as many of these dragon scales as you can, so you have a few sacks of these dragon scales, which are very valuable in terms of armor making, and you are trekking back to the swamp.

I got those horns, yeah? Yes, you wanted the horns off the dragon, so yes. So you can make something badass out of that, all fucking metal and... Put them on your bra. Just stab people. Uh, the arts kind of... kind of speak up. I know a guy who could probably do something with these. Uh, you ever been to Aubrey? Couple times. No. Nope. Okay, well, there's a shop owner there who's kind of a scumbag, but he makes some pretty decent armor. Especially if you give him some good material, and this is some pretty primo material. So, he owes me a favor. We could probably get him to make you something if you want.

Sounds good. I think to face the oncoming storm, dragon armor is the best we're gonna get. Uh, as soon as we get back to camp, we'll get things together and we can head off to Aubrey. Uh, okay, let's say that you've arrived back at the White Raven's camp with the elves. Roll a perception check, please, everyone. Eighteen. Nine. Nine. Nine and nine. Uh, so, let's see. Uh, Fee... Oh, no, no, no, we're just playing patty cake. Fee will notice that there's a new addition to this little, uh, this little... There's a wagon, uh, kind of pulled over to the side of the clearing here.

And there's this little gnome kind of walking around, inspecting the pieces of this fucking, uh, this titan that had been exploded. So, littered in the field is just bits of metal and shrapnel and, uh, it's just kind of him standing there with, like, he's kind of like stroking his chin, just like looking at it, like shaking his head. Uh, and, uh, Bree and Leora are gonna notice him and start to, uh, start to walk over to him. Leora's kind of kind of chucked, because it's weird that there's someone else here. No one, like, it's not that no one knows about this.

This is right near Kalkas. This is the biggest goddamn tree in the Evergreen. It's just, like, why, why are you here? Like, who are you? That kind of thing. Like, it's, yeah. Uh, so Leora's gonna walk up and, and ask, "Can we help you with anything?" Uh, and the little gnome is going to walk right up to her and try and grab her by the hand. Gratik the Wanted. And, and try and kiss her hand, and she is going to reflexively just, like, pull back. Almost disgusted. Oh, just, the fuck are you? Just to kind of pull back like that. And completely undeterred, he is going to reach over to Bree on his hand and do the exact same thing.

Bree's not going to pull back as aggressively, and he's going to kiss her on the hand and kind of give this little half bowel. Just, just really, just trying to be as smooth as possible. Um, and Bree's just looking at him more, like, quizzically than anything. Just kind of like, "Okay." Uh, and he is moving right down the line. And just kind of seeing who bites, and he's going to reach out and kind of reach for Jadzia's hand. Uh, fuck it, I'm wearing gloves. Like, all the skin from the neck down is covered, so. You can kiss my hand, I don't care. And, and he does, "And, uh, what might your name be, ma'am?" Jadzia Grace.

And you? Gratik the Wanted. It is a pleasure. Uh, and then he reaches over and tries to grab Una's hand. Yeah, if he wants to kiss a tattoo, go ahead. And he absolutely does. He does not discriminate. Like, he is, he does not discriminate. Kiss Kord right on the mouth. It is an absolute pleasure. Uh, and then he looks over at Fie, "Hey." Kiss his hand. Go on. Kiss his hand. Do it. Like, that is the most, he just kind of waves, "Hey, that's it." Like, no, nothing further. Fie, Fie, um. You'll change your mind when you see his butt. Fie, Fie crosses his, his arms and goes, "Well, I was gonna be nice to you, but fine." Uh, some, uh, some very wealthy elves drop the large sack of coin on me to make a trip out west and fix, uh, this.

Any kind of, like, motions to the field of debris? Uh, this is beyond me. Um, I'm gonna be honest. I, I, I don't think this is gonna get fixed. I was under the impression it was a bit more intact. Leave the coin and go. Oh, uh, you're dealing refunds is the thing. I don't have the money on me. I, uh, I, I, I was promised half up front for coming and then half when I completed the job. It is not my fault, however, that, uh, that this is this. Sounds like someone's, um, you know, not up to the task and just, just trying to get out of some work. I assure you, I, I am the best at what I do, but...

And what do you do? Well, I do lots of things. I am a legitimate businessman for starters. And then on top of that, I tinker. Uh, I, I have been known to fix things. The problem is, uh, there has to be a thing to fix. And this is, uh, this is not a thing. With a name like the wanted, I, I find it hard to, um, to feel that, uh, legitimate comes anywhere within the equation. Have you ever been to Brightport? No. Trust me, I'm as legitimate as it gets in Brightport. Is there somewhere I can kind of lay down for a bit? I've had a long trip. Uh, we'll kind of sort this out.

Who, who, who actually paid me to be here? Is that, is that person around? I'll, I'll talk to him, explain things, and I'm sure it'll be fine. Out of character. Do we know that it was Yenwood? Um, you guys wouldn't, but, uh, Brie and Liara, uh, do. And they would, they, yeah, at this point, uh, Brie would kind of speak up. Uh, he's not around right now. Um, he really wants this fixed though. Is there anything we can do? And Grattic's just kind of like looking at this field again. Ah. Let me see what I can do. But again, I, I, I really need to kind of lay down.

So, just, if someone could give me some food or a drink, that would be great. And we'll reconvene maybe two days from now. Three days, tops. Sound good? And they're just kind of looking at each other like, this fucking guy, like who is this guy that just walks in and, and kind of like acts like he owns the goddamn place? Um, but Liara's going to show him to some place where he can, like, one of the little like cabin type places that he can lay down. Um, are you guys, are you guys ready to make a trip to Aubrey? Before we leave, someone has to look for the fucking hat.

Ah, the hat. Yeah, um, yeah, Fi will go, Fi will go and collect, um, all of Gavin's possessions. Avavishin, those three fingers. Awwww. Little bit of hair. Should we like, should we, should we bury them? Should we do like a little ceremonial thing? I don't think Gavin had any family, as far as I know. I think as far as he knew. Uh, I don't remember him ever speaking of any, to any of us. Yeah, a small grave might be the best thing to do. Yeah. So, you guys want to just kind of dig a little section out here of the evergreen and kind of have a small ceremony for Gavin?

Yeah, I'd say just wander into the woods just a little bit. I was going to say the same thing. Just kind of get out of the view of the elves and like that whole area. You know that guy who exploded a bunch of stuff here? Well, we kind of want to honor his memory and... Um, alright, so that's a really nice gesture. Does anyone want to say anything? It's kind of hard to say something without sounding like kind of weird and hypocritical, but... Isn't that Una's thing is kind of being hypocritical though? Yeah, okay, yeah, good point. Okay, um, I guess like, um, Una will pipe up.

He should not have gone out this way, but he's gone. He was a good friend, while he was a friend. And a good leader at all times. I wish we could have convinced him to come with us. He would have made an amazing addition to any group he was involved with. He's probably up there in heaven. That was a pretty badass way to go. I know we all feel responsible for Gavin's death, but we have to bury that here with him. We good? Um, I guess so, yeah. We done? Can we just wipe this off our fucking hands? Jesus. Funerals bore me, okay? Um... Go ahead and want to use this hat.

That's all she's making the whole time. As we're leaving, I will, um, like, scrape the symbol of Kord into the dirt that we've buried his shit in. Okay, is this the thing? Did you bury his hat, or did you just bury his possessions and keep the hat? I don't know what happened to the hat. Should we place the hat, like, on top of a rock or something to mark the grave? That sounds like a good idea. Okay, so big rock, hat on top, mound of dirt, maybe like a flower or two on top. Clearly a grave. Okay. Sounds good to me. Sounds like a grave. Alright. You guys are gonna saddle up and head to Aubrey.

If you remember, there are only so many horses, so we're gonna have to double up here. Who is riding with who? How many horses are there in total? Uh, three. I think we decided Una gets one for herself because she's heavier than everyone else. Yeah. Are Ljara and Brianna coming too? Oh, yes. 'Cause she's gonna have to negotiate with this guy, 'cause, um, if not you guys are gonna get gouged. Like, you get the very distinct impression that if this guy didn't owe her a favor, then, yeah. So you guys are taking off towards Aubrey. Um, on the way. Everyone roll Perception, please.

Okay, I rolled the D20 a few times to get the bad rolls out, so let's see. Fucking seven. You know, I did well the last time we played when it was like a practice thing, like... I know, yes, that's true. That was level nine, Jadzia, that's the problem. Yeah, I want her back. She was cool. You know, I totally didn't pick up on that the last time we played. You're like, "Oh, I sat down technically last week." I didn't pick up, it's like, "Oh, yeah, the practice thing. Shit, that's true." You sound like an idiot talking about it. I'm gonna go find a map so I can figure out where Aubrey is.

Yeah, um, that would be... that's a bit of a ride. Like, you guys are gonna be on the road a bit. Put your own horse back so it's not too bad. This is like a... from where you are, you're looking at total getting there. This would be a couple of days riding. And that's if you kind of stick to the roads and stuff. But the problem with sticking to the roads is what's about to happen. So are we going almost up to Winterhaven and then down to Aubrey? It's close to Winterhaven, yeah. Brilliant. I was just looking at the map and obviously it would either be go to the split above Overwatch and go straight over to Durnhollow and then up.

Or go up to Winterhaven. Yeah, no, that is not an option. This would be... well, you'd be riding clean out of the forest. So you'd be... I mean, you'd be riding through fields and stuff and then get to the road. So this would be more like... Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, like the... yeah. Yep. That would be the quickest way for you. Up ahead, after... like up on the horizon, Leor are going to slow down. Because up ahead they notice there's a pack of Warforged soldiers in the road. And it looks like they've set up some sort of checkpoint. Leor is just going to pull back... ah, shit.

Alright, guys, we have a decision to make. Do you want to try and ride around these guys or do you want to make it easier for the next group to pass? Are you planning for a group to pass through here anytime soon? I'm not, but I mean people travel this road all the time. I mean, it's up to you. And she's kind of like scanning down the road. It looks like there's only six or seven of them. It's our responsibility as the strong to make it easier for the weak. Let's fight. Alright, and they're going to start to ride forward. Okay, these Warforged are going to notice you coming.

And Leor is going to dismount her horse in one swift motion and hit the ground running. Badass. Do me a favor, throw your characters on the board in the top of the map here. And let me get Bree and let me get your enemies. That is not what I expected a Warforged to look like. No? They kind of look like genies. Jamie almost played a jinn. Have you heard of those guys? She almost went that route, but she was like, "I couldn't be wise enough to be a jinn." She's like, "I'm too stupid to play a jinn." Guys, we should try and, in this fight, because there's like seven of them, we should try and let Jadzia get the final blow on them if we can, so that she can do the soul sock thing.

Alright, let me add you guys to the initiative tracker. I just realized I have like seven ways to reroll something that misses. Do you seriously? Almost, like I have the Dark One's own luck, I have the heroic effort, I have the lucky charm. Lucky charm? Jesus, yeah. And yet I still always miss. I don't think any of those have ever paid off. I haven't used the Dark One or the lucky charm yet, so we'll see. Alright, you guys go ahead and roll initiative. That sound didn't suck. Eh, okay. Could be worse. It's not bad. Alright. Warforged Knight number one. You know guys, we could have gone past them and snuck up behind them and had a surprise round.

Very true. I would have suspected as they were on the road they would have been watching in both directions. Yeah, I mean it's tough to kind of sneak up. Like, could have came in from the side or something, I don't know. A plan could have been discussed, but eh. Plans are for assholes. Let's just... Plans are for assholes. That is the group three month. Plans are for assholes. Warforged Knight number one is going to move forward here and get in Una's face and use Knight's Honor. Close Burst one. So that'll hit, if it hits, he's going to swing at Una and Fi.

Dick. Kinda, yeah. That is a miss to Una and a hit to Fi. So that is 12 damage and 5 ongoing save ends. Christ! This is a bad idea guys. There's probably, you're getting immediately the sense that there's probably a reason these guys have set up the checkpoint. Like there's, yeah, they're, yeah. And it may have something to do with their Durn Hollow operation. One, two, three, four, here we go. Let's do that again. Knight number two is going to move up to Fi's face and do the exact same thing and use Knight's Honor. That is a hit to Fi and a hit to Una. 15 damage to both of you.

Shite. And 5 ongoing for Una. So that means 10 ongoing for Fi, you have to save against each one of them individually. Okay. That's gonna get nasty really, really quickly. Knight number four is gonna move up and use Knight's Honor against Fi and Bree. That's, Jesus Christ. Oh my god! Fi, what the hell's your AC? 19. Oh good god. Yeah, you need that armor. And let's see if this hits Bree too. That's gonna hit Bree too, so. Hey guys, we need a healer. That is 13 damage, oh my god. Okay, wait, fuck this shit. Uh, yeah, that is 13 damage to Fi. There's another 5 ongoing damage.

Uh, I have to wait till my turn to do this I think. It's 15 so far, isn't it? Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna last to your turn. Um, Martyr's Blessing? Would that be helpful? You are standing, well, I mean you'd eat that, you'd at least eat the damage that he took just then, so that you'd eat that 13 damage. Okay, Martyr's Blessing, Fi. Get back those 13 hit points. That's alright. Yeah. Okay, just turn that down. I'll take 13 off. The good news is that move of theirs is kind of a daily, so. Okay. That's kind of their big opening hit. Uh, shit. Fuck. Okay, Liara's turn.

She is going to shift, no she's gonna move over here and you just keep them separated and try to keep back these, try and keep back 3 of them here. So that's gonna hit the Warforged Knight 3, the Warforged Soldier, and the other Warforged Soldier, actually. Uh, that is a hit to the Knight, a miss to Soldier #2, and a hit to Soldier #1. So, Jesus, 17 damage. And those two are restrained save ends. That'll keep them out of your hair for a little bit. Adjust conditions, restrained. Warforged Captain. Fuck off, Bru. He's just going to move here and that'll end his turn.

Jadzia, your turn. Surprise, she moved. And now she's concealed. Curse #4, attack #4 with Eldritch Blast. That is a hit. Hit #4 with Eldritch Blast and then do my damage. And then also add 6 to that. Okay, gorgeous. 13 damage in total. Alright, anything else? I don't think so. Alright, Fae, take 15 damage. Fantastic. Don't I take that 3 aren't going for him? Uh... Not 3, 5 aren't going. If she took the hit... An adjacent ally is hit by a melee attack. Nope. That's just the original attack, so he has to take the... But he's going to get ready and roll 3 saving throws at the end of his turn.

Okay, so take off 15. Switching down to 6. Holy shit. Okay, I'm using that cloak straight away. Alright, so you're popping your second wind. Yeah, I'm popping my second wind, so I get to use 2 healing surges. You do. Okay, so... That's your surge. Boy, that came in handy. Yes. Okay, so that gives me 24 back, which puts me up to 30. Okay, stances. Do they only end when I say I'm ending my stance now? Yes, I believe so. I'm going to use my Wild Repotion, which... Isn't second wind a standard? Oh, hold on. Second wind is a standard action, yes. That's kind of the cost, is you get all the points back, but you don't get to really take a turn.

You could action point. Yeah. I do believe you get to shift too. Wild Repotion says it's a minor action. Personal. Yeah, because it's just changing into a different stance. Yeah. So, you assume the Wild Repulsion stance. Until the stance ends, you resist 5 to all damage. Once per turn, when you score a critical hit with an attack, you increase the resistance by 1 to a maximum of 10. So I have 5 to... resist 5 to all damage. Okay. That's daily as well, so I won't be using that again. Okay. Does that last until the end of the encounter? Until the stance ends. Yeah, until the stance ends.

What? And then I think I'm going to... Hytale it out of there. Okay, I'm going to Tactical Trick. That will move action, so I can move up to my speed. I do not provoke attacks of opportunity when leaving squares adjacent to my allies. Okay. So, I can go around this way. Okay, right behind Leora. Next to Leora. Next to you. Okay, sorry. I look like behind to me. Well, in relation to 1 and 2. I'm not trying to paint you as a coward, man. I get it. It was a tactical retreat. Totally get it. It's a tactical trick. So yeah, and then that's everything in my turn. Do me a favour and go ahead and roll 3 saving throws.

They d20, aren't they? Yep. Okay, so... Okay, one of those effects is over, so you're only going to take 10 damage. I'm only going to take 5 because I have resist 5 damage. Well, just for the... yeah, you're going to resist 5 of it, but yeah. Okay. Alright, Warforged Knight number 3 is Restrained, so he's going to roll a saving throw. And he is no longer restrained. That is the end of his turn. Oona! Okay, here we go. I'm going to use Smite on number 1, that bastard right in front of me. I just want to select you. Oops, okay. Ah, cocks. That was fucking stupid.

Cocks indeed. That is a 17 and will therefore miss. Okay, and then as a miner I'm going to pop Divine Bodyguard. Which means I will take half damage for any ally of my choice within 5 squares. So I'm going to use that for Bree and tell her, like, stick close. Alright, she's going to nod her head and it is Bree's turn. Oh wait, do I take ongoing damage and shit? Oh, you take 5, yeah. Totally forgot about that. Go ahead and roll a saving throw on that too. Oops, I did Oona add 5. I want to subtract 5. Math. That'll bloody Oona. And you're going to keep taking it.

Butsicles. Bree is going to take 5 as well. So do I take 2 or 3? For what? For the damage that she takes. I don't know if it's only attacks actually. Would you take that? I don't think that's ongoing damage. I think that's just attacks. This is half damage. Just now I'm going to... you take half that analyzed damage. Yeah, so 2. Okay. Alright, that'll reduce Bree to 54 hit points. She is going to shift right next to Oona. And... she could wreck these guys, but that would also wreck Oona. So let's not do that. I still have a move action. I could shift back. Well, it's kind of not your turn.

She's just going to whip a forge punch out then at, let's say, number 2. And that'll hit. 39 damage. And 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. That will blast this guy back into his ally and that will knock him prone. And... Jesus. That'll end Bree's turn. Let's see here. Warforged Soldier number 2. Okay, right next to Oona. He's going to use Wild Charge against Oona. And crit. 2d8 plus 9. Am I going to survive that? I don't think so. I don't do math. You're in college. Like, you should. Fuck that. No one in college does math. I can do my taxes and that's all I fucking care about. Oh, okay, well then, alright.

I use H9 block. I don't even do math for that shit. I believe that's 25 unless I'm mistaken. Ugh, tits. Tits indeed. Nobody has healing powers either. Fuck. Yeah, you are a party leader. I have a couple of potions saved up. I can come give you one. I think I still have a potion. Do you? I mean, you're closer, so on your turn if you could shove a potion down Oona's throat so that she can attack, that'd be great. Let's see here. Rolling a saving throw for Warforged Soldier number 1. He is no longer restrained. End his turn. And that'll bring us back to Warforged Knight number 1.

Oh man. He's going to use his longsword against Bree. That'll hit. Do I still take the damage from that? Oh god, do you? Let's see. I'm not sure that that stops it. Let's see. No power or effect can reduce the damage you take. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Fuck no, no. Unconscious is technically an effect I believe, so till the end of the encounter, oh. I don't want to be concealed anymore. Oh shit. Oh fuck. I just hope you don't roll that much damage. This is not good. What a stupid way to die. This is, this is gonna... That would be hilarious. I'm just so fucking dumb.

Oh man. Alright. 1d8 plus 5. Okay, I can survive that. I need -20 to die, right? Yes! 6. Oh, well fuck yeah, it's fine. It's 5 and it was a 6. I'm not doing any more sucky rolls today. 3 to you, 3 to her. I just, I did that. Oh, sorry. Warforged Knight number 2 is going to stand up. And 1, 2, 3, he is going to march back up to Bree. No, sorry. Yeah. Wait, didn't he stand up? Yeah, but that'll be the end of his turn. Warforged Knight number 4 is going to take a swing at Bree with his longsword. Not hit again please. And that'll hit. And damage. 13. Did it stop? 6, 2, yeah.

Okay, I'm taking it off. This is getting hairy. Okay, question. On my turn, if I wanted to run by, grab the dead Oona, and like pull her out of the way so that Brianna can use one of her really cool blow up moves, what would that entail? Like I'd give up my standard action to do that. An athletics check, yeah. That's the thing, you'd have to move to get there. You have to move to get there, and then like I would count that as like an athletics check and then you can drag. That's fine. Because you don't need to be incredibly strong to drag someone. Because it's not like you're picking them clean up and throwing them, you're not going to throw an Oona over a shoulder plate, male and all, and you're just like, let's get out of here.

So the athletics check would be a minor action. And then two move actions. That would be a standard, you'd have to pop your action point. Okay. Good god. We'll still do it. Sorry, Gar. Shit, Liara's going to use, fuck, she's going to use, fuck everyone, Bullseye Bolt on number three. That'll hit. 21 damage. That'll bloody the Warforged Knight. And she is going to, she's going to like look at Bree and like see that, like, like, okay, something big's about to happen. I'm going to move over here a little. Warforged Captain going to move up. Sidel up next to Bree.

God damn it. And use his glaive. Fucking... And miss. Jatzia, your turn. Okay, I'm going to do that thing I said. So my first move action will take me to Una. And I'm going to do an athletics check. Please, please, please fucking god. 11. How's that? That's not good enough, I'm afraid. Heroic effort. Make it a 15. Wait, you can failed roll. You can do that luck charm thing. True. Okay. So plus my heroic effort makes that. And then the lucky charm is rolling a d6. 15, 16. That's got to be good enough. Let me see. Um, 16 first. Yeah, okay. That'll be enough to drag. Alright, and then we're going to go, let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six.

And we're both going to go hide behind Liara. Alright, so you kind of drug her away. Pour a potion down Una's throat on your turn, okay? Because I just used all of my stuff. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Are we both concealed because she's like... No! Well, I'm concealed. Let's not get greedy here. Cover it with my coat. So Brie is completely surrounded by warforged here. And she's going to look over to, she's going to look over to Fi and just kind of like get back. Yeah, as I drug Una away, I was kind of giving her a look like, do that thing you do. She does not want to blow Fi up a second time.

How polite of her. Um, Fi, your turn. Okay, so tactical trick. Oh no, that's okay. That's his at will Marshall. Does that mean I have to use a melee attack or is that just any... I think it's a melee. I could be wrong though. Okie dokie. I'm sure I had something that I could hit with range. I think that was ambush trick actually. Okay, anyway, yeah, I will move back over here. And I will pour my potion down Una's throat. What, what, what, is that a dice roll that gives her health or... That is a 1d10. Shall I roll that? Please do. Two. Well you're at two health. Better than nothing.

This is true. You have a pulse. Okay, and I will use a ranged basic attack. And I'll just attack Warford Soldier number two. And that misses. All done sir? Yep, yep, that's me. Okay, Warforged Knight number three is going to sidle up next to Brie. And he is going to use Knight's Honor. And that will miss. I would have to take that damage too. Yep. I still need to... I still need to roll my saving throws. Oh yes. Did you take your five damage? I haven't yet, I'll do that as well. Okay. There's the first one. There's the second one. So one of these effects are done, so you're still in that stance, you're still taking negative five, so really nothing.

Yep. Una, your turn. Okay. Fuck yes. Second Wind. So okay, popping Second Wind, I get to spend a healing surge, yeah? You do, yes. Don't you have something that... I also have the Amulet of Life, which lets me spend a healing surge, and I also have the feet that lets me spend a healing surge. So three healing surges back? Jesus! I believe I'm correct. I could be wrong. I'm looking this up, hold on a second. Seems like cheating. Seems like it, but it's not. Wait, wait, wait, when you spend a healing surge you gain an additional five temporary hit points. Oh, that's what that was.

Yeah, but you do, so you get to pop two healing surges and five temp hit points, so not fucking bad. Okay. Eleven... what's my surge value? Fourteen? Holy fuck! And never mind. Okay, twenty-eight. Wait. Did you save against your ongoing damage before? I think so. No, shit. Wait, did I? You gotta take your ongoing damage at the beginning of your turn, which means you are knocked back out. I'm certain that Una saved against hers, but Brianna still hasn't saved against hers, which means Una did take half, which still means that she's... Well, let me go back and...

Uh, you rolled a seven for your saving throw. Damn it! I have to get the beginning of my turn. Yep. That means that puts you down to negative three, which means you fall, just like... Like, just like back out. Fuck! There's nothing I can do against that, can I? Uh, no. You can roll a death saving throw, though. Thanks. And then a saving throw against that damage. I'm sorry. It's the rules! Alright, um... sorry, just giving negative two. Okay. Um, what's the... Yeah, okay, that's your... yeah, we'll do that against the saving. Okay, eighteen against death. Alright, so you're stabilized, you're not dying, and you will still take that damage, though, at the beginning of your turn, so...

Fuck. Oh, shit. Bree's turn. So, there are one, two, three, four... Jesus, there are six warforged surrounding her. While everyone else is kind of pulled off to the side. Oh, wait a second. One, two, three, four, five. You guys are just outside of this blast radius. Sweet. She's gonna pop a daily. She is going to use decimate. This is gonna be awful. Um, so this is an attack that does a shit load of damage and also causes Bree some damage, so... yeah. Oh, wait. That wouldn't do damage to Una, too, would it? This would... it's only if something attacks her. Or is it worth it that any damage done to Bree you take?

Uhhhh... You take half the allies' damage. How much damage will it do to her? It's a quarter of whatever she throws at them. Unless she does over, like, a hundred damage to them. Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem. I think you'll be okay. I have a potion for you for next turn. Okay. Should be fine. So, these warforged are just closing in around her and she is going to kind of raise a fist up in the air and then plunge it into the ground. And this massive shockwave is gonna go out. This is the same attack that wiped half the goddamn party out when she faced you guys and killed Fee, so...

Here we go. I'm just gonna roll right down the line. Warforged Knight 4, that's a hit. Guard Captain, that's a hit. Warforged Knight 2, that is a hit. Warforged Knight 1, that is a hit. Warforged Soldier 2, that is a hit. And the last remaining Warforged Knight, that is a hit. Holy shit! Jesus, that modifier isn't even that good. That fortitude isn't as good as I thought it was. No, Warforged Fortitude is actually pretty low. Yeah, Warforged Fortitude and Reflex usually aren't great. And now we roll damage, that is 7d10+10. 47 damage. Now, it's a quarter of 47.

Let's do math, everyone. Are we rounding down? Always down. Like, 11. Yes. So, 11 damage, which means you take 11. You take half of that, which is 5. 5. Oh yeah, see that wasn't even close to that. It wasn't that bad. Okay, now let's see who this kills. This kills the Warforged Knight, dead. Yay! Guard Captain's still alive. Kills Warforged Knight... ...number 2 and 4. 47 damage to... ...Warforged Knight number 1. 47 damage to... ...to Warforged Soldier 2. That'll kill Warforged Knight 3. And it knocks all of them prone. Does damage to Bree and exhausts her. So...

That is gonna be her turn. Oh, jeez. Forged Soldier 2 is going to pick himself up... ...walk over to Bree... ...and use his Scimitar. That'll hit. 10 damage to Bree, that's gonna bloody her. That means Una takes 5 damage. Actually, Bree only takes 5, because of that. So, she's not quite bloody. Warforged Soldier 1... ...is still prone, so he's gonna stand up... ...and move forward to Bree, and that'll be his turn. And that brings us back to the top of the order with Warforged Knight. He is also going to stand up and then take a swing at Bree with his Longsword.

Oh, that's a hit. 1d8 plus 5 is 9, so that's 4 to Una. That will bloody Bree. She's down to 3. That will bloody Bree. She's down to 35 hit points. And Liara's turn. Let's see, she's gonna use her... You know what? She's actually gonna move up into close combat, whip out her sword, and use Sword Slash. That'll hit. The Warforged Soldier 2. 18 damage and that will kill it. Jesus, right, Forged Captain. There's a lot of shit on the field. Glaive against Bree. That'll miss. I don't think he's hit anything the entire damn combat. Jadzia, your turn. Alright. Gonna move.

Shocker. Concealed. Curse number 1. Make a note of that. And then, because I now know that Fortitude isn't terrible, I will use Frigid Darkness on number 1. Yeah, that one. Boop boop boop ba doop boop. That's a hit. Damage. That's the last remaining Warforged Knight. And then I'll add a plus 1 to that because of my Curse of the Void. That guy died. So it's 11 plus. That'll kill him. Oh, never mind then. It was plus 1. See ya now. Well still. He's extra dead by 1. Good. That's important. Alright, I am all set. Alright, that is Fez's turn. So, tactical trick, which will get me up to 6 bases.

So get me up to there. And then I will Melo basic attack. I'm also gonna backstab. So that gets me a plus 3 on my roll. So against Warforged Soldier at number 1. That's plus 3 to that. And that hits. That'll be it. So I get 2 die 8 for my sneak attack. And I get 1d6 for backstab. So that is 22 damage. 22 damage. In addition to my Melo basic. So yeah, I'll just add that onto the 22 and die roll. That'll kill him. 34. Geez, that'll kill him. And that's everything. Oh, wait, I forgot to specify. Did I get that guy's soul? It's a new thing. I forgot. Yeah, as a miner. No, it's a free action.

So make a note. You have 1 soul. 1 soul. And everyone saw how the helmet worked there. Yeah, which is really creepy. Just... Una, take 5 damage. That's terrible. Fabulous. We're all saving throw against that. So you'll no longer take 5 damage. That's fucking lame. I'm just furiously looking for something I might be able to do, but I can't do anything unconscious. Just the downside of being unconscious. Winfury assault. Just flop my unconscious body across the area. Like a marionette being drug across the field. Can I just do that and just fall on top of one and knock them prone or something?

You have to be conscious to make a decision to use an attack. Kord. Kord is using me as a puppet. Nah, I'm kidding. I love how you and you talk about it like you and Kord are best buddies. He's not a god or anything. He's like your uncle who hooks you up with good deals. God is everyone's best buddy. No, I know a guy who can fix your car for you. Name's Kord. Here, here's his card. You tell him I sent you and he'll cut you a deal. Roll a death saving throw please. I already did. No, that was your saving throw against the damage. No, like, do I have to roll one every time?

Yeah. Until you succeed, yeah. Wait, I got an 18 the first time I rolled against it. Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You're stabilized. You're fine. My bad. She was stabilized but then she took that five damage. Right? Oh, you're right. So she got stable and then you should change it to negative five instead of negative 13. Am I right here? No, no, no. She took more damage though. Oh, right from- I'm closer to dying then? Yeah. Okay, fine. Does that three that I rolled count or do I roll a new one? No, that counts. Yeah, it hits indeed. Don't worry, I think we'll take this guy out before you actually die.

You'll be fine. Yeah, Bree's gonna charge. Seven, that's a plus five. That's an attack. That probably matters. Jesus, fucking, okay. Leor's turn, she's gonna just bring her crossbow out and just pop. That's a hit. Boom. 13 damage. That will- yeah, he's bloodied already so okay. That's the guard captain. Warforged captain is going to stand up and use his glaive against Bree. That'll hit. Seven damage which means Una takes three. That is an awesome power and a terrible power. It just sucks when the person taking the damage is the person taking the majority of damage.

Yeah, all of the damage. I'm four points away from dying. Yeah, we're gonna- okay, Jatzia, your turn. Okay, as much as I want his soul, I'm gonna go keep her from dying so here you go. Potion for you. That's the sound a potion makes, did you know? Do I roll a d6 or does she? You do. Okay, roll a d6. Four for you. Glen Coco, you go Glen Coco. Shh. Okay. Thank fucking god. Oh wait, I forgot I need to like- okay. Okay, so now I have two potions left. Fuck, finally. Okay. That's the end of my turn. Alright, Fie. Your turn. Okay, tactical trick. So I get combat advantage against him and I'm gonna have backstab as well.

So we do melee basic against the captain with a plus three. Oh, and that misses. That's gonna miss. Anything else? No, that's everything. Oona, your turn. Okay, I'm gonna pop like everything. Okay, actually I don't really need any hit points back. I just need to kill this guy. You fly the fuck over there. So I was prone so I have to spend a move action to get up, right? Yes. Okay. But then I can action point and like shift and then do a move action? Well, a shift is a move action. Let me see here. Windfury Assault. If I remember correctly. It's my speed, right? Yeah, or Ranged Weapon.

In fact, you can fly up to your speed at any point during this movement. You can make the following attacks. So let's see here. One, two, three, four, five, six. So that's part of your, the move is part of like that. Okay. Yeah. So standing up is your move, but Windfury Assault is an attack that is a move. I'd like to charge. But I am, I'm not, I'm too far away from it. Yeah. He's eight away. Yeah. Oh, wait, wait. Cord's fucking fury. It's a Ranged Weapon. Right? Yeah. Yeah, you can. So you can move a certain amount if you want and then throw. Yeah. Let me see here.

Yeah. You'd pretty much have to like, you can just stand up if you want, not use, you can either use Windfury Assault or just use a Ranged. Oh yeah. No, that's not correct. That range basic attack would be like a two D 10. But I can use, I can use Windfury Assault and get the. Yes, you can. Perfect. I'm going to get up. I'm gonna fly just cause I feel like it. One, two, three, four, five right up next to Liara. You could actually move six because you have the Windlord level five feature. Fly one additional square with flying effects. Fuck yeah. Okay. Six. Just screaming, fuck you the whole time.

And attack. Please, please, dear God, let me hit. Please. All I want from life. Oh God. Nothing I can do about that, right? Um, let's see here. Plus one for thinking speedy. Yep. That'll still have you falling short by a bunch. Cocksuckers. Cocksuckers indeed. Um, yeah, sadly. So you're going to whip Torsfury at him and it's just going to go wide, like miss, like he's just going to duck or whatever and it'll completely miss. Uh, but it does return to your hands. So that's cool. Okay. Um, you don't have to go pick up your weapon at least. Yeah. Shit. Nothing else I can really do.

You're all dizzy. Well, don't you have some sort of miner that could heal you up at least a little? Uh, yeah, but I don't need to use it if he's going to die next turn. Um, fuck, that was so lame. Okay. Just, um, I'm going to spend my last miner action in just middle fingers everywhere. Yeah. Uh, Bree's turn. Uh, just let's just force punch this guy and go home. Let's, let's just do that. Maybe, hopefully. Yes, that's a hit. Uh, force punch plus five. Ah, 32 will kill him. So straight through his chest. Bam. Uh, also just kind of knocks him back across this field.

Can she grab the pigeon out of his chest as she's punching? Oh shit. Uh, hmm. Athletics roll for that? Or, athletics? I'm that, okay. Let's, shit. Because it knocks him back is the problem? Well, if she punches through his chest, she can grab it while she's in there, right? She is aware of it. Like if it were like, C, I'd say, well, he wouldn't know, but she knows. I have, then, you know what? I'll have her roll an athletics check while she's doing that. Because that, let me see, what is Bree's athletics? Acrobatics would work too. Well, she's like jumping around him and stuff.

Oh wow, that is a pretty good athletics. She does an 11. Very nice. Why? Unless she rolls a one. Uh, so she does not grab this bird. And he is going to, in a moment of haste, just kind of punches, like just punches into it and his chest is exposed. And that would put him right, like, let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six, like right here. Um, Fee? If you want to roll an acrobatics check, quickly. I do indeed. Acrobatics. 14. That was a terrible roll. No one is going to be quick enough to stop this carrier pigeon from bursting forth in this thing's chest, taking off into the sky and flying in the direction of the city of Upland Lodge.

Can I hit it? Or for both your chests? Come on, please, let me make up for my shitty fucking, like, just the worst fight. I have this thing called diabolic grasp. [Laughter] [Mocking] Part of me wants to, part of me wants to do something here. You know what? I'll say this. It'll be a high check, but I'll let you throw an attack at this thing's reflex. Uh, Una. I'll let you whip your hammer at it. Okay. Um, the reflex is probably like, redank high, right? It's, it's high. Is that just a ranged basic attack? Uh, ranged basic attack. Come on, please, like, just have something be cool for once.

Um, I'm going to roll it against, uh, what? I'll, okay, I'll just roll a d20 plus 3. That's easier. Okay, come on. Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's what you're, oh yeah, 15 is not going to do it, I'm afraid. Damn it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. Let's go back. That's your modifier for that? Oh, because it doesn't count the hammer as a ranged thing. Hold on a second. It's your basic melee. Plus 9. 9. Yeah, it should be plus 9. Oh, sweet. Okay, let me reroll that then. Hold on a second. Let me adjust that so that it says that. Because it doesn't count the hammer as a ranged weapon.

Can we just have it be that 12 plus 9? Plus 6. Because obviously there's already a plus 3 on it. Oh. Um. That would still be 21. Yeah, that's still going to fall short. Okay, let me reroll it. Okay, come on now. Let's not take advantage there is, come on. Let us take advantage. It's the same thing as, um, what's it called, heroic effort, where he won't tell me if it'll work or not until I say I did it. You guys said, let's use that one. Plus 1 for thinking speedy. Jesus Christ. You're just, you're not accepting this at all are you? No, I'm not. I have failed this entire fucking round.

I have done nothing. I have done nothing. You know when I failed the entire round I still ended up killing a dragon. Didn't you win on a plus 1 for thinking speedy too? I think I did. Yeah, we did. Your hammer is going to streak after this carrier pigeon and not quite catch up to it before it returns to your hand. God. Like it changes direction. It is close, but no cigar. Even with the plus 1? Plus 2 for thinking frantically. Plus 8 for being fucking angry. Plus 9 for being irrational? Can we... Okay, wait, wait, wait. If I sing something... In what way, shape or form, besides being hilarious, would that help your move in canon?

I think it's time to sing Let It Go. Just... I appreciate your hustle and your moxie, I do. There will be other fights, I assure you. So, carrier pigeon gets away, which is a bummer, because that's going to alert the Overwatch to your activities and the fact that this checkpoint is dead and gone and that sucks. Bree's going to kind of stomp up to Una. What the hell was that? Look, I'm embarrassed enough, okay? Don't... look, don't put yourself out there like that for me. That could have killed you. Shrug. She's giving you the look like, "That's it? Really? That's all you have to say?" She sucks at dying, remember?

That was cute. Bree's just going to shake her head and... Are you okay? Yeah. She's going to reach over and do that momly thing where you grab someone's face to make sure that they're okay. After they get lumped up or something, she's going to hold your face in her hands and do the... like, assessing the... Which is fucked up because Bree is coated in bruises, so it's kind of... yeah. I'm going to give her a really sheepish little grin. And then she's going to saddle up next to you and... come on, let's just continue to Aubrey. Arriving in Aubrey. This is just a beautiful little town, really.

Really religious community. Big-ass church at the end of the street, kind of ending in like a cul-de-sac type of thing. Big, big, big church. Liara and Bree are going to get off their horses and kind of hitch them up. Yeah, Liara's going to make for Artemis' shop. And walking through... everyone roll a Perception check, please. Perception. All that for an eight? Can I do streetwise, actually? You already rolled Perception. What is it about legendary weapons of Chord that turn you into one of those people who just refuse to... I've had such a shitty round, I feel so fucking like...

I know. I'm just like, no, I can't. That reminds me of Tom so thoroughly. Just like, no, just fuck that. Can I just do this? Can I just... But you already did the other thing. Hey, Oona, you should rest. You too, Faith. Yeah, whatever. A stray rock hits Oona in the head and she is unconscious. A small child. Maybe robbed by a small group of children. Pretty sure they can do four damage. I would beat the shit out of some children. You'd have no qualms about it? I mean, not killing them, but... Thump 'em. Yeah. So, walking into this shop, let's see, who is perceptive and who is not?

Well, Fee is a little more perceptive than you guys. So, this is a pretty standard adventure shop. There's some really decent gear on the walls. You got your armor and weapons and different things like that. But there's also a lot of holy items, probably because that's the town that this guy occupies. And he can get ahold of things a little easier than, let's say, you were in Durn Hollow or a more remote town. So, there's this gnome behind the counter who kind of looks a little scraggly. Just a little, like his hair is a little long. He's got this chin scruff going on.

Looks a tiny bit slimy, just kind of like, eh, just, yeah. Standing at the counter conversing with him is this very large tiefling who is kind of strapped with this big broadsword. And also kind of at his waist is this long length of chain and what appears to be a bear trap kind of like holstered almost on his belt. He appears to be fairly annoyed with this shopkeep. And after a couple of minutes he's just going to kind of storm away from the guy and kind of walk past all of you. And this guy is a big lumbering thing. Like he's not, like he towers over every one of you.

And every time he takes this step, like the floorboards of this place are just kind of like a thump, thump. And it's always accompanied with this subtle ching ching of this chain as it kind of dangles against his waist. And he is going to walk past you and leave the shop. As he's walking past, can I give him a once over and go, "Nice sword!" Are you saying that to him? Not even breaking stride, he just kind of looks at you and just like walks past. Like just kind of groans at you and just keeps going. The little gnome behind the counter is going to notice Leora first out of all of you.

And kind of chime in, "Hey!" And Leora is going to kind of walk over and shake his hand and turn to the rest of you. This is Artemis Peck. He runs this shop. And it is a good thing you're with me or he would probably rip you off in some fashion. And Artemis is going to look like he's going to show like mock hurt. Just kind of like, "Oh hey, that ain't fair. That ain't nice. I have an outstanding reputation in this community, girl." Just really skeevy. Just kind of like really just ugh. "What can I do for you today?" And she's going to kind of point over to Fee because Fee would... it was Fee's idea to grab those scales and I would imagine you have something you'd like to get made.

Okay. I'm going to pull a single scale out of the bag and put it onto the counter in front of him. See what he says. And he's just kind of looking over this stuff and he's got these little glasses he puts on. Oh nice. Where'd you get these? We went into the swamps. You know, what was the dragon's name? Kael'thorin. You ever heard of a dragon called Kael'thorin? Uh, yeah? Well, he's now an ex-dragon called Kael'thorin. Bullshit. Nope. We got a couple bags full of his scales to prove it as well. Well good on you, brother. How'd you pull that off? We're just that good.

Damn. I suppose you want me to make something out of this? That's why you're here? Yeah, that's the plan. Ah, you know, craftsmanship like that don't come cheap. I mean, how much would you be willing to be parting with to get the expertise of someone like myself? I look at Liara and say, "What do you think it's worth, Liara?" Liara's going to chime in. I'd say someone in the area of free. Uh, do you remember what happened about six months ago? And, okay. Artemis is going to cut her a look like, "You fucking bitch." Like, this could be worth thousands and thousands to him.

Like, to get dragon scale armor made by someone custom, that is huge. We're talking maybe tens of thousands. So whatever she did for him was worth at least that. Like, she's calling in this favor for this. And he's just kind of looking at her for a few minutes. Okay, after this, we're even though. We're square. No more shaking me down, no more that. This is it. And he's going to look back at Fi. I'm guessing you're going to want this pretty quick? As quick as possible. Probably take, I don't know, maybe a week? Something like that? In the meantime, maybe you could do me a favor.

A group of guys came through town about, I don't know, five, six days ago, somewhere in there. And kind of caused a bit of a problem with me and the local clergy. It seems somehow or another a regular batch of water got mixed in with my holy water and someone bought some and it didn't do as advertised. And I kind of hurt my rep in the town. Clergy won't bless any more water until I sort it out. And the problem is, that means I can't really get rid of all the stuff I already have because that may be my last batch for a while. Maybe you'd like to test some of it for me to find out which batch is the good stuff and which is the bad stuff.

Would that be interesting to do someone like you? If we're testing holy water, can we just do like a religion check on it or do we need to throw it at shit? If your religion is high enough, you can test it, yeah. I have a plus eight to religion. That should be high enough to test some of it, yeah. Okay, in that case, I'm going to step forward, plop my dragon horns down on the counter. I'll say, "I'll test it if you'll make me something out of these horns." First of all, these horns are massive. Like these horns are big. Like these are big fucking horns.

So you're going to put these up on the counter and it's just like thump, thump. Like these are big. Plus there's kind of like this gristle at the end of them. Like this sawed off red marble. Like you tore it out of his skull or whatever. It's pretty fucked up. This is very metal album cover stuff that you guys are plopping up on his counter. Uh, sure. What do you want me to make? She wants breastplates with them, as she told me earlier. Okay. Big horn numbers. I want a drinking horn and a war horn. Alright, alright. I could probably fashion you something. That's going to take a few days too, so maybe you guys can just pick all your stuff up at the same time?

Sound good? Yeah. I really appreciate this because clergy won't touch any of my stuff for a while until I get it all sorted out. They don't want to be affiliated. And he's going to start throwing up these, um, uh, he's going to start throwing up these crates of this holy water. So it's these beautiful like crystalline vials and they look identical to each other. So there's no way of sorting out like which are the good batches and which are the bad batches. He did do them in batches. So instead of labeling which ones were actually blessed holy water and which ones were just like fucking well water, he just kind of lumped it all into one thing because he figured most adventurers are going to die fighting vampires anyway, so fuck it.

Uh, so if you would like to roll a religion check please, we'll see how well you are at discerning. 21. While, okay, you're getting a, what you think is a pretty good sense of what the good stuff is versus the bad stuff. Okay. Uh, you can't quite tell. Like you're leaning, like it's more like you're getting it, like you're all, like it's like I'm like 99% sure this is the good stuff. Okay. You're not quite sure. Now you can bluff him and just tell him, oh yeah, that's the, that's the good stuff. That's, that's fine. If I'm, I'm not a cleric, but if I'm a paladin, can I bless it to make it holy?

Um, that's more of a cleric thing. Um, my blood is just- Could you err on the side of throwing out more than you keep? That way you're bluffing away some of the good stuff instead of bluffing in some of the bad stuff? Um, yeah, he's looking to save as much of this as possible. So that is completely up to you. Like if you tell him that, you know, that, you know, what's bad and you know, that, that's fine. You can totally do that. Okay. Um, I'm gonna, instead of doing bluff, I'm gonna do diplomacy. Okay. And I'm just gonna like be like, okay, this is the stuff that I'm one, like 99.99% sure is bad.

Like that might include a couple good ones, but like that's the best I can do for you. And it's the best you're gonna get in this town. 18. Alright. Uh, well that's better than nothing. I appreciate it. Uh, here's my problem. Unless I test some of it, I gotta, I gotta bring them back some kind of proof that this stuff actually works. Because they're kind of doubting me right now as a reputable business owner, which you can imagine would just be hurtful. This is my first offense after all. And then they cut you off right after your first offense. It's terrible.

Maybe if you'd like to test some of it out in the field for me. I mean, I would, but as you can see, I got all this and he's like pointing out to all the dragon skills, I got a lot of work on my plate and the sooner I get this done for you, the sooner you can put on your new armor. So the question is, would you like to hunt some vampires? That sounds like fun. He? How much will you pay us for it? Uh, I mean, I am making your armor for free, so... Yeah, but we already agreed you were making us the armor for free. This is a whole separate situation now. How much do you want?

Why don't you let us take a pic of stuff in your shop? Well, okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. I can't, I can't just give you free merchandise. I mean, that's, uh, I'll tell you what. I can give you a couple of hundred gold each because it's a dangerous thing, whatever. I can pay you for that. That's only fair. But I can't just give you free merchandise. I don't really do free. Well, do you want to try to diplomacy roll him? Yeah, I'm going to say, um, it's not free. It's an exchange of work for goods. I don't want to see, 15. Mmm. I can always do intimidate. This is his thing.

Well, I mean, you already rolled diplomacy. Well, let's see. Okay. Yeah. Liora's kind of, kind of lean in and say this, I mean, I can show you the ropes with the vampire thing. It's fine. Like this, this will be fun. And she seems to be excited at the prospect of actually getting to hunt, getting to hunt some vampires. Uh, an ornaments is going to, yeah, I just can't part with anything for free, sweetheart. I'm sorry. Um, like I said, the most I can do is 250 a piece. Um, intimidate. Um, I'm just going to like, just kind of like, on, unsheathed the hammer from my back and just kind of like sling it kind of like over my shoulder, very subtle.

Um, and just say 300. I think it was definitely 325. Yeah. That would figure. Um, and he kind of, he kind of has a look to come over his face, like of, uh, he's just staring at the hammer. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I can go 300. All right. Put the hammer away, sweetheart. It's okay. There's no reason to get all angsty and angry and whatnot. It's all right. I'm just polishing it. I'm going to like brush off some dust. Uh, and he is going to kind of push, uh, some of the, the holy water that, uh, uh, that you checked. Uh, just toss a couple of their way, make sure it works and then you can come back and let me know.

And maybe if you can bring back a burnt face or something, like just show them that it does work, then we can put all this awfulness behind me and I can return my reputation to its former sterling glory. Sound fair? Yep. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. Uh, let's get you a map. The map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map, map. Whoever wrote that song is a genius. Really? Someone got paid to write it. And the backpack song. Backpack, backpack, backpack. Oh my God. That was so dumb. Just the same word repeated over and over.

Someone got paid really good money to write that was the thing. And then probably got royalties every time it was played. Maybe. I don't know. See, this is why I hate the world. Just every reason right there. You wrote off the whole world because of the map and the backpack? I think that's a good enough reason. Yeah. I mean I saw all this sexism and racism and that was cool, but then I fucking saw genocide and fucking disease and poverty and, but nope. Got to swipe or no swiping and that was it. I wrote the world off. I entirely understand that. There are some things that the world needs to be destroyed because of.

That's the straw. Yep. All right. So Oona, you gotta go in there with four hit points. Is that your plan? Yeah, I'll heal up before we go in there. That's a good plan. Let's do that. Okay. How many healing searches will I have to blow to do this? How many searches do I have starting with? Starting with eleven? Okay. How many searches do I have to blow to get this all the way to the top? Okay, I think four will do it. I've used one one healing search as well. I'm good. Now you guys understand the risks when fighting vampires, right? Yep. Go moody and emo. Yeah. Blonde stripe through your hair.

Start siring children left and right. All right. If you guys would like to place yourself in here somewhere next to Bree. Okay. So we were talking about children's songs and now fucking Darkwing Duck is stuck in my head again, just like last week. When there's trouble, you call DW. That's what I've learned. Let's get dangerous. I was listening to the theme for Count Duckula earlier. Oh wow! Jesus. That's some hardcore ducking right there. Come on, let's keep it going. More duck animated fare. Come on. DuckTales! Did you watch the scientifically accurate? Yep. Yep.

I just downloaded DuckTales, Darkwing Duck and Gargoyles to watch while I'm playing. Dude, Gargoyles is the shit. Anyway, so. Yeah, sorry. Vampires. Yep. Which are like Gargoyles, but different. Kind of. If we're going to try and tie this in feebly, sure. Why not? Take that segway right off the bridge. Well, Count Duckula was vampire. It was mentioned, yes. Oh, that was a shitty tie-in. That was just like... Yeah, that was lazy. Hey, if Kat sings the Count Duckula theme, will he get a plus one during this battle? See, it's only funny if the person singing doesn't want to do it.

That's why I volunteered, because I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to. Nope. So if he does it... See, the rules also state that there has to be some kind of singing involved in the actual attack. You can see that. Because of the three of us, I think Fee is the least likely to sing. Or to want to sing. Probably, yeah. Even though he's got the smoothest voice. So, Artemis tells you about the infestation in the area of vampires. And it's always been a problem in Aubrey. It comes in ebbs and flows, but recently there's been a lot of... A lot of, like, lesser vampires running around.

Like, a lot of, like, new... Like, someone was making new vampires as the problem. And they're still having a bit of trouble with it. He told you about a group that came through about a week ago and dealt with the bulk of them, but there's still kind of stragglers running around. And he tells you about a cave where you can probably find some of them. There are a couple of caves in the area, and vampires love to hide out in them because, well, the sun doesn't shine in a cave. Not to mention it's a foreboding place to go in and try to fight them. They know that, so they kind of have the advantage.

Let's see. Do any of you have low-light vision? I believe I do. Oh, yeah, part elf. Everyone go ahead and roll a perception check, please. That's gone so well today. 24. 15. 13! Hey, double digits. Neat. Still sucks, but... But double digits. There are two numbers. It's fancy. Let's see. Okay, so Liara and... Liara and Fi are gonna hear something. And that's gonna give them... it's gonna give you guys... their warning is gonna give you the time that you need to not get jumped. And that is exactly what would have happened had you missed that. So, let's do this. Let's kind of get some vampires on the board here.

Oh, they look like assholes. So, do vampires have souls? They do. Cool beans. Just curious. I don't know why that would come up, but yeah, sure, I guess. Like, souls. It's not like you have a crown that sucks those up or anything? Let me add you to the initiative tracker. 17. Well, we're bound. This sucks! Get out. Shit. All right. Elder vampire spawn number two. Jeez. All right. Yeah, vampire spawn number two is gonna wander up here next to Liara and kind of swipe at her with... they've kind of got these talons where they've grown their fingernails out and they're really rigid.

So, he's gonna kind of claw at her with that. And that will hit. And damage. 11 damage to Liara. Jeez. All right. That'll bring up number five. Right up next to Una. Same thing. Claw at Una. That'll hit. Attacks are bad. Personal hygiene. 14 damage. Cool. Three. Same thing to Una. Claw attack. That'll hit. This is going badly. 11 damage. And number one, gonna sidle up next to Fi. Claw and miss and that'll bring up Fi. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay, so... Ambush trick will give me combat advantage against number one. And I will just melee basic attack. Which misses. That will miss, yes.

That's everything. Okay. Una, your turn. Okay. Valorous Smite on number three in front of me. That gross son of a bitch. Wow, that was fucking pathetic. Today's not Una's day. It's really not. Cool. Question. Sorry. What action is it to apply the holy water to weapons? That's a minor. And how long does that last? Let's say... Let's say the end of the encounter. Okay. Okay, well, thank you, Kat. As a minor action, I will pour the holy water on my weapon and divine challenge number three. And I'm gonna say, in number three, bite me. Get out. I love it. I love it so much.

What is it with the females on this show that love puns? What egregious sin did I commit? Um... Punz are my favorite. I know. Jesus Christ, Atlanta too. And the more I say I don't like them, the more Atlanta uses them. Uh, Jadzia, your turn. Alright. One, two, three, four, five. Four, five. Alright, I'm gonna move right here. Um, darn. Number one's still closest. I'll curse number one. I wanted to curse number four, but I'll curse number one. Um, and then, fuck it, I'm still gonna use Dire Radiance against number four. Okay. That is a miss. Crit miss. Alright. Uh, wait!

Well, I get plus two, so that doesn't help. [Laughing] Yeah, no. I already cursed, that's my minor, so I can't throw a potion at him, so I guess I'm good. [Sigh] Alright, you've attacked vampire spawn number four, so he is going to, uh, just kind of in a blink, like, just kind of, like, flash across the room at, uh, at Jadzia, and he is gonna try and grab you. Uh, 25 is your reflex? Um, yeah, that'll definitely do it. Okay, so he's gonna kind of reach out and grab you by both shoulders. Uh... If any of us were gonna become a vampire, I guess. God. At least I'm already physically weak.

I'd rather it be an Oona. Oh, shit. Okay, Bree's turn. Um... Would this be the time to just pop a daily? I think this could be our last fight today. Hmm... Fuck it, yeah, she's gonna use Overload. Uh, Overload on number three standing right in front of Oona. Let's kind of get him off Oona. She should step forward one. Oh... Shit. Yeah, okay, well, she didn't. Uh, that's a crit. Hot. Yeah, let's do the math on this real quick. 5d12+10. Holy fuck. Well, that is the sexiest thing I've ever heard in my life, so... So that's 70 damage. That thing's dead, right? No, she canceled out his existence.

Like, he never even lived in the first place. This is... Okay, so Overload is, to remind you, this has never hit before. This is the thing where she... This is just like a big Kamehameha wave. So she's just kind of like opening up her hands, and it's like this. Shotgun blast to the face. So she's just gonna let loose with this torrent of energy. And it is essentially going to wipe him off the face of the planet. It is at such a close range, and that is such... That is a crit. That is just like... There was nothing left of him. And it does have the effect of her tumbling and backwards, sadly.

One, two, three. So that will tuck her in this corner, and she will... She will take some damage here, because she hits a wall, so that's five. So that will kill the vampire, and that will be five for Bree, and she is prone. And she will definitely have to charge on the next turn, so she kind of tumbles back and hits her head against this wall. Liara's turn... Shit. Hmm. She's gonna have to get herself away from these guys to use anything. You know what? Just regular-ass sword slash to number five. That will hit, and... Eighteen damage. That'll... Jeez. Okay, that'll bring up vampire spawn number two.

He's gonna try and rake his claws against her face. That is a crit. Oh, shit. That is... 21 damage, if I'm not mistaken. 21 damage, yeah. So that'll put these deep gashes in her cheek. He really hit her good with that. Number five is going to try and grab Liara. 28% reflex. Liara's grabbed. So... just mark her in Jatzia. And, let's see... Vampire spawn number one is going to use his claws attack against Fi. That'll hit damage eight. Fi, your turn. Okey-dokey. Okay, so... Amber Stryker again to get me combat advantage against number one. I'm going to make a backstab, which gives me a plus three.

And I'm going to do my melee basic against him. So... plus three. That's a hit. That is a hit. So I get 1d6, 2d8, which is 11, on top of my melee basic damage. So that's 22 damage. Gorgeous. And that's my turn. Alright, Una, your turn. I'm going to take a swing at number five. Hold fast to try and get that motherfucker off Liara. That is a miss. Plus one for the Istbidi? Yes, that'll hit. Yay! Okay. Finally, finally, finally, finally... I chose you. There we go. 32 damage. Gorgeous, that will bloody him. And then he is mobilized until the end of my next turn. And I'm going to pop a divine challenge on him too, so he will have to attack me.

If he doesn't, which he can't because he's immobilized, he'll take damage. Well, no, immobilized means he can't move. That doesn't mean he can't. Shift back one. Oh yeah. That's true. You could do that. That'd be a dick move. Do what? Just shift back one so he can't attack you. Come get me motherfucker. Step back and then he has to. Yeah, actually, that sounds like fun. Shift back one. You challenged three last time, right? Just to make sure? Yeah. Okay, yeah, he does not exist. I'm going to charge. I thought I did, but there's nobody there. Okay, do I do my saving throw first or last?

How does grabbed work? Well, grabbed is... Well, you can kind of struggle to get out of it. So that's your acrobatics versus reflex or athletics versus fortitude. That's up to you. Probably acrobatics. Now that's a thing where you either choose to struggle or you could just stand with it and attack. I'll stand with an attack. If I'm going all in, I'm going all in. I'll activate Hellfire Touch. Even though I don't like doing that unless I have an action point because I'll take damage. And how about some fortitude? I am not thinking speedy at all. I'll do Hunger of Hodor.

Hodor. What is that against? Weird. Oh, wait, no, that's a first ten. I shouldn't do that. No, it's first one. Okay. Yes. Sorry. Hunger of Hodor against him. Miss. That will miss. I have Dark One's own luck, which means I can reroll that if I want. Oh, shoot. And I want. Hit. That will hit. So the damage. Oh, and I curse him. I mean, he's holding me. Of course I cursed him. Right. Yeah. Twelve plus three plus five. Okay. Now we have this area here that is... One second. That area is a zone of darkness until the end of my next turn, blocking line of sight. He's holding me, so that probably doesn't really matter.

But creatures that enter or start their turn in the zone take 2d10 necrotic damage. And it wasn't there when my turn starts. It doesn't count for me. Okay. Oh, man, I bet he resists necrotic, doesn't he? Fuck. Oops. It doesn't say that he does, though we probably should. Well, zombies do, so maybe you have to be like that type of undead. Yeah. Like already rotting. They're not rotting. Neato burrito. Alright. Alright. Here we go. He... Okay, here we go. Elder... Vampire spawn number four is going to use... Wait, he gets the 2d10 necrotic damage first. Oh, okay, good, good, good.

Okay, so roll 2d10. Eight. Take that, you fucker. Eight damage. Just hope for a low roll on this, okay? Here we go. Bite versus Jadzia. Fingers crossed. Oh, no. That is not a low roll. Okay. Did it take us a day to get to Aubrey? Do we have our dailies back? Oh, no, you definitely have your dailies back. Oh, okay. Actually, I'm not sure this would help, but I could do Divine Bodily Guard and take the damage for you. I'm not sure that would take you in a fight, though. It's not the damage that is the problem. I can take the damage. How do I get rid of these area of effects clips in the wrong place when I keep trying to fix it and it just makes more of them?

There we go. I'll just right-click on them and delete AOE. There we go. That's the one that's there. There we go. Okay. Technically, he was still blind. I mean, he's holding me. No, just kidding. So, wait, okay, that does count as blind? Oh, it doesn't matter, even if I shave... Well, if he's holding her, he might not know where her neck is exactly. Even if I shave five off that, that was a 33. Yeah. It was almost a crit against my AC, which is my shittiest thing. Damn, I wish I had that armor right about now. Well, if you live through this... So, he is going to reach in with his gaping maw and sink his fangs into Jadzia's neck.

And he is just going to start sucking. That is eight damage and you are dazed until the grab ends. Cool beans. Bree's turn. She's going to kind of stumble to her feet. She kind of whacked her head pretty good, so she's going to kind of stumble to her feet and then charge. That was a four. That sucked. Liara. I almost said go ahead Liara. That wouldn't make any sense. Um... Shit. She needs to get back a bit. She's going to shift two because she can and use Bullseye Bolt on number five. That will hit. Damage 22. That will kill number five. And let's see here... Vampire Spawn number two is going to shift forward and try and grab Fae.

Which is a d20 plus ten. That is a crit miss. So never mind. Number one is also going to try and grab Fae. 25 for Suryflex. Oh, yeah. That gets me. Alright, so... Fae is grabbed and... Fae, your turn. Okie dokie. With my weapon of surrounding, do I just call that... So like, I attack someone and I hit and say "Ok, I'm using my weapon of surrounding power." Or do I have to call that before I... You hit an adjacent enemy with an attack using this weapon. Right, so that's the trigger, so you call it then. Okie dokie. And number one has me grabbed. Ok. If I teleport, I won't be grabbed anymore, will I?

Okie dokie. Because it would be a thing like he's holding you and you just blink out of existence. Ok, so... Mele basic attack... Oh no, hold on. How old is that? Ok, so... Tactical trick... Oh no, do I get a move action? I don't, do I? Well, not while you're grabbed. Okie dokie. Ok, so just a Mele basic attack. That's number two. That's a miss. I don't have anything else I can do. Oh shit. No, that's everything for me. I have nothing. Oh man. Ok, this is... Ok, Ona, your turn. Ok, so Fi can't get out of the grab? No. Ok. And number one is grabbing him? Yes. Ok. Shift up one, so I have...

I'm next to that. I can hit number one from there, right? Yes. Ok. Let's see... I kind of want to use my daily. Ok. I have two, so... Let's see... Ok, yeah. Martyr's Retribution. I'm going to spend a healing surge. And attack this motherfucker, please. Oh my god, I'm going to hit... Why the fuck do my rolls suck 80 dicks? Why? Why is that fucking happening today? What gods did I anger? Exactly? Did you count? It's 80.73 dicks. Today. Is the 73 just smaller than average, or did you cut parts of it off? Oh, dude. You know, it's so shitty that I would say just cut parts of it off.

Can I call an injection or something? Well, that's fucking so lame. But I guess since number three died, I'll do number one, so number one has to attack me next round. Wait a second. What? Wait a second. That's your daily, right? Yeah. Martyr's Retribution. Miss half damage. Oh, fuck yeah. Ok. Ooh, it's Radiant. Fuck my dick. Here come the cops to arrest me for being too awesome. And it's Radiant damage. I don't know if that fucks it up more. Oh, they have a vulnerability to Radiant. Fuck. I just realized I have a teleportation spell. Fuck my dick with a rig. Ok. Holy shit.

Ok, look, the penis violence, ladies, needs to stop. You know, the best part is I didn't even think about it. That's awesome. I mean, a little's fine, but Jesus, come on. Fuck my dick with a rig. Which end of the rig? The bad end. The raky bit of the rig? The raky bit. And not just one of the raky bits, all of the raky bits. You will cave this vampire's skull in. That's a half damage number. Oh, half damage shit. It's Radiant. Yeah, that'd still be enough to cave his skull in. Yes! That'd still be enough. Get the fuck off and just let him... That means that Fi is no longer grabbed.

Jadzia, your turn. I'm so mad at myself right now. Ethereal slide, I'll teleport out of his arms. Does that count? Can I do that for a grab? I mean, it's teleportation, so... Oh, if it's teleportation, yeah. Bam, they go behind him. Not grabbed anymore. God, I'm fucking stupid. You are still dazed. So that means that's your only action. That's okay. If I'm still dazed, I want to get out of there. Then I'll go far away instead of being behind him. That way he can't grab me. He probably will anyway. So you are un-grabbed. And he's still in the dark. Oh wait, no he's not, because I need to sustain that.

Never mind. Oh, never mind. Never mind, sorry. It's all good. Let's see here... Ten minutes of that. This vampire is going to pursue you. Fuck. And try and weaken you up a bit before he goes in for seconds. And he's going to use his claw attack. That'll hit. Wait, I am concealed, so that's minus two. That's still going to hit. That two isn't helping me much. Well, not when they're rolling that big. That is fourteen damage. I just realized you would have to hit a two or lower to not hit my AC. Well, you guys are dealing with vampires. I told you I'd be throwing nasty stuff at you guys until...

Yeah, until the big day comes. Yeah. Bree's turn. She's got to try and help you out here. Thank you. There's a reason I dragged this vampire over to Una. Yeah. All right. Bree's going to run right up next to you. And she is going to use... You know what, she's just going to try and punch this goddamn vampire in the head. Which will miss shit. That's a whoopsie. Shit. Leora's turn. Okay. She's going to fire another crossbow bolt at vampire number two. That'll hit. Twenty-one damage. Damn, damn, damn. Vampire number two is going to use his claws and try and rake at... at Fi.

That's going to miss. He takes damage. Because it's not Una, right? Yep. Fi, your turn. Okey dokey. I will... What am I going to do? Amber's trick gives me combat advantage against him. And then just a melee basic. So plus two to that. Fourteen misses. That's everything. Okay. Una, your turn. Okay, question really quick. What does damage per plus mean? That's... Okay. If you have a weapon that has... it's like, oh, blah blah blah plus one. That's what they mean. Oh fuck. Okay. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. What I'm going to do is... On pain of death.

Attack number four. It's probably not going to hit, but it's half damage and I have the most beautiful thing for it. So... roll that. That'll hit. Yes! Okay. Okay. I'm so fucking pumped. Okay, so... damage. Just wait. This is going to get gorgeous. Sixteen damage. That's not very good, but... Since I have a vengeful weapon, I get to roll one d6 for every plus that I have. If I have plus three, it's plus three d6. Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Um, because I have a bloodied ally within ten squares of me. Oh, that's like a d- oh, wait a second. Encounter.

Okay, so that's an encounter power. Use this power when an attack... It's a free action. When an attack hits a bloodied ally within ten squares of you, gain a plus two power bonus to attack rolls... ...and a one d10 to damage rolls with this weapon against the attacker... Oh, just kidding. That was critical. Okay, so it's a one d10. That's not bad. I still use that, yeah? Um... Yeah, so roll an extra one d10 on that. Okay. Eight. Not bad. Not as cool as I thought, but not bad. Still. Jancia, your turn. Alright, I am... Should I move? No, because if I move, he'll get me.

I will use frigid darkness once I can find my character. There she is. Frigid darkness. Yeah. And I will miss. Yeah. Wait, I have holy- I want to throw holy water at space. Sure! That's that thing that you guys were supposed to be fucking doing. I think Oona covered one for weapons. I mean, it's still on there, right? Um, yes. We haven't been doing that at all, have we? Not really. Is it just a flat d20 to roll? Um, no no no. This would be, uh, let me see. This would be... Like, okay, what do you- well, that's more of a ranged thing. You could just bust it on the side of his head if you'd like to try that.

Sounds perfect. So, Belemasic? Belemasic. Belemasic attack. Can't even hit him with a thing. Okay. Um, yeah, that's gonna miss. Like, let's say the bottle flies out of your hand or something like that. Yeah. I'm pretty fucked up after everything that's happened, so. I will say that you've been- you have been noticing that when Oona strikes something, like, there's, like, a residual burn coming off these, so it does appear to be working. Cool beans. Uh... Okay, vampire spawn number four. Uh... 1d8. Roll a 1d8. That's- wait, wait, wait, wait. What does he take 1d8 for again?

Um, on pay of death. Oh. Oh, this is after any attacks. So he can do his attacks and then he can be a stench. Okay. He is going to use claw attack again on Jatzia. That- oh shit, that'll miss. Yeah, that's a crit 1. Shit. Never mind, I guess. Uh, re... Uh, she's gonna try another force punch. Just- just aim right for this fucker's head. Jesus Christ! That's an action point. No, fuck this. Pretty catching it in an action point. Another goddamn force punch. That'll hit. 27 will kill it. Done. Dead. Thank you, Brianna. And then it takes four damage. That bastard. Yeah, fuck his corpse, too.

Um, that will exhaust Brianna. She's gonna have to charge. Uh, Leora. Um, conditions. Um, uh... Another crossbow bolt, I guess. That seems to work okay. That is a crit. How about that? Neat. Uh, vampire spawn number two is going to shift towards Leora and try and rake at her again. No, you know what? Grab her. Gonna try and grab her. 25! She's grabbed. Fee, your turn. Okey dokey. Um, I will... I think Ritune takes damage for not attacking me. Still. Fuck! That will kill number two. Just grab a certain path, pal. So that's radiant damage, too, I believe, isn't it? Um, divine challenge?

I think so, probably. Let's see. Yes, divine radiant. Alright, so he just kind of bursts into flames and just turns into ash. So that's pretty badass. Does a grab count as an attack? I think it's an attack. Yeah, yeah. If you're rolling to attack something, then damage just needs to, like... Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's true, because, like, uh... Okay, so yeah, that will take you guys out of combat. And that's probably a good time to wrap things up for the day. We'll deal with the ramifications of, uh, bites and, yeah, things like that on your next session. Damn. So...

That sucks. Yeah. It'll be alright, though. Like I said, I'm glad it was me, because when Thorol got bit, he went from being a really hard hitter to being, like, almost nothing. And we need our hard hitters, so... Wait, didn't he get more badass? Nope. No, he definitely went down. Because once he came back, he became badass again. That's true. He got lots of powers, but none of them were really as good as his melee basic attack with the offhand swing. Damage-wise, he became, like, he was much more of a Swiss Army knife, and there was a ton of stuff that he had that he never used.

Like, he could turn into a bat, and he could turn into mist and do different shit, and, like, his stealth was to the roof and blah blah blah. But he just never used any of that, because he just got used to, like, I don't know, melee basic. Like, that was all he ever did, so... Yeah, I could have fun with this. It comes with advantages and disadvantages? The only thing is, if Liara automatically kills me on principle, that might be an issue. But we'll have to deal with that next time. So that's rolling Jadzia up as the vampire class, as opposed to something else?

Well, I mean, it's not going to take away her Warlock powers. Oh, OK. See, the difference between Thoril and her was Thoril was just a dude who hit really hard. That's kind of what hit... like, he didn't lose those powers, he just gained a bunch of new stuff. This'll be a little different, so... Yeah, because in the character creator, there is the vampire class, which makes no sense at all. No. Yeah, well, shouldn't that be a race? Well... Yeah, like the Revenant? Well, no, because you'd be like a tiefling vampire. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but is it the Revenant or something?

That you're allowed to select which race you were before? Yes. Well, you could be a vampire who is a human, or a vampire who is a tiefling, or whatever. That's not the problem. It's just that... that's saying that all vampires are alike, which can't be true because they had to have former lives before they were bitten. Yes, but the way that they do it now is they're saying, "Oh, well, just because you're a vampire, you can't be a wizard, and you can't be a Warlock." Yeah. Yeah, that makes no sense. Well, having all of Jadzi's training go out the window because she's a vampire makes no sense.

Yeah. "Training." Little bunny air quotes. Well, yeah, I mean, you know. She did pay a lot for those powers, though. She'd probably be pissed. Yeah. I wonder if Brianna's gonna say anything about the witch that's kind of nearby. I'm just so interested. It's gonna be cool. Mmm... That's at least a day... two days? It'd take you about three days or so to get back to it. I wouldn't want to anyway. I'm just wondering if she'll say anything. You know, the price is a little high on that. "Oh, I'm so excited." "I'm gonna pick up a small child on the way." Yeah, remember, it wasn't because Bri was special.

It was because she was a child. Like, she was innocent. Just pop by the local orphanage. Alright, which one's your biggest little brat? Which is the one nobody would miss? Which one has red hair? Timothy, you're coming with me. And freckles. So, penis violence and hatred for people with red hair. Alright? Alright. I see how things are. Hey, I held back on that last one. I know. Thank you. Thank you for restraint. I'm thinking about our listeners. I can deal with it. I'm trying to tone it out, but... Fucking... our poor, poor listeners. I don't know why we both have that, like, I don't know, habit of going straight to dick violence.

It's a weird habit to have and we both have it. I mean, a rake. Really. A rake. The words just kind of come together and whatever it creates is... an afterthought. In the line of household implements that could be horrible, though, that's not too bad. I mean, it's not. It could be like a pizza cutter or like a chainsaw, weed whacker. Yes, I got silent. To the sound of wincing. You did that. I just want to let you know.