Unburdened

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you're only going to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Hi, everybody. This is Kat from Group 3 for the Dungeons and Randomness podcast. I'm sure you'll love the show. So please hit us up on Facebook and Twitter. Give us a five-star rating on iTunes and a little review there.

That'd be fantastic. We've also got an Android app as well. And we've got quite a lot of content going on recently on our YouTube page, if you want to go and check that out. Also, we have a donate button on the website. If you would like to drop us any gold, anyways, that'd be very much appreciated. All right, let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with-- let's start with Breen. Hello, I'm Rianna. I play Judsea Grace, the human star-packed warlock. And Kat.

Hi, I'm Kat Charlie. And I play Thi, the Changeling Thief. And Izzy. Hi, I'm Izzy. And I play Nuna, the half-elf podden. All right, we got some things to get to right off the bat, because listeners thought that we forgot that Judsea is wearing the helm of seven deaths. We just killed him. Come on. I know. I thought that was a nice little way to wrap things up on the last one. But yeah, people are like, give us fucking salt! Like, they're urgent emails. He's going to get away. You can't have one of these, though. Right. I mean-- It's yummy, so. I think that they were so creeped out and violated by that episode.

They don't want him to come back. They just-- it's a get fucking-- get him! Like, they're really scared he's going to get away or come back or something. So let's just, like, trap his soul. Just a lot of suggestions. Trap the soul, burn the body. That's what we've got. You know, that's-- That is a fitting Darth Vader death on May 4th. I'm just throwing that out there. Hey. That's funny. Yeah. So let's start with that. Would you-- I mean, would you like to capture Darmok's soul in the Helm of Seven Deaths? You did get the last hit on him. Yes. Yes, I would. Is that-- I wanted to ask, is that a conscious thing, or is that just, like, when she drops a guy, it goes in there?

Well, it's something you do as a free action. So it is an action you have to take. So meaning, I take that as to be-- like, that has to be something you choose to do. All right. I'm going to have to remember that, like, the warlock's curse thing. It's going to be, like, two turns after I kill someone. I'm like, oh, oh, Jason. And I captured his soul. Right. Right. That's fine. This one's super important, though. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to capture that fucker. Remnants of his voice just clinging to me. I promise not to do the voice anymore. It's done. We're done with the voice for-- yeah.

OK. How many souls does that make? That's only, like, two, right? Three? I can't remember. Think three? We should keep a tally somewhere. We should, actually. That's a good thing. I think I'll do that right now. Let me make a post-it. Trapped souls. Just-- Yeah. When the police come to raid your house, they'll-- Yeah. Which is likely to happen, because you're still in New Jersey. So-- Oh, not for too, too much longer, hopefully. Yay. Yay. Hoping August, if things go well. Ugh. Holy shit, really? Trying. Really, really, really trying. That's awesome. Yeah, it depends on if we can get the money together.

But, like, we're-- do you know what it costs to rent a U-Haul and take it across the country? I've never done that. I have never either. It's not cheap. It's really not. It's, like, a base price, but then you also-- you cover all the gas. Yeah. And then they also charge you by the mile. Yeah. I moved across town, and it was, like, almost $100. Well, it's 5,000 miles from here to-- so, yeah. I think it was close to, like, 30 miles for me. So that's going to be a budget. Oh, god. Maybe I could just burn all my possessions and start over in Oregon. I just need my computer and my laptop, and I'm good.

Let me just go. How much is it to ship it to someone else? It's like, Merlin, she's going to send you a few boxes. All of my worldly possessions. Oh, man. And Justin. Go in this box, Justin. There we go. You're kind of small. Let me just-- [LAUGHTER] OK. So Jadzia has kind of collapsed in this doorway. And so Valis is going to kind of come up behind her. I would imagine for everyone-- I just-- I kind of imagine for everyone this is like, wow, that's what you lived with for that long? And that's why-- like, everyone kind of saw the burns on her body, and everyone-- like, everyone's kind of-- a lot of the stuff Jadzia doesn't really talk about, or it isn't super evident, that's-- yeah, that's super out in the open now.

So Valis would kind of sidle up next to her and just kind of put his hand on her shoulder just to check on her to see if she's OK. Jadzia will probably, like, jump a little at first. But then when she sees him, just kind of lower her head. Like, she started crying at first. Now she's done. But she's really embarrassed by everything that just happened. So she's just going to hang her head in shame. Question. Yes. Is the food on the table clearly edible? Except the stuff that Jadzia stepped in. Except the stuff that stepped on. Well, yeah. This is a fully prepared meal.

Like, yeah. Fully prepared. Like, this is-- like, that's kind of the crazy, is that this is pure waste. Like, this is-- this is like a banquet dinner being prepared for no one. OK. Una's going to grab, like, a bun or some shit and just kind of, like, walk over to Jadzia and, like, kneel down next to her and, like, hand her food. She's like, hey, sir, it's cool. I guess she'd just take it and just kind of hold it and look at it, say thank you. But she's not going to eat it yet because she's not-- doesn't exactly have an appetite. Right. I just love it. Una has no way of consoling anyone.

It's like, I take this role, I guess. I don't know, that's what people do, right? That's how-- I know. I'm used to touching buns when things get serious. Speaking of which-- --Fee, what would you like to do? Fee-- Fee's going to walk over to Jadzia as well and go, are you all right now? You-- you can now-- you can now start living your life without this-- without this shadow on you. Jadzia's going to nod again. And then it's kind of an odd question. Who has the biggest, sharpest weapon in the group? Probably me or Valus. Well, if you're asking biggest, the broadsword would probably be Valus.

If you're asking sharpest, that's probably Fee. I guess she's going to look over at Valus just because he has the muscles. And she's going to say, we have to chop him to pieces. Yeah, that's probably assumed. That's-- Should we build a fire? Yeah, like, I was-- how would you like to dispose of this body? Like, officially, for canon, so that if anyone asks-- because I'm sure someone will at some point just to make sure he will never come back, just like, how'd you get rid of the body? We have-- just to be painfully clear to everyone. So Jadzia's going to say that the last time I thought I'd killed Darmok, I slit his throat.

And then I lit his body on fire. He lived through that. We have to chop him into pieces, at least. Valus is going to kind of nod his head and then walk over to Darmok's body and then just kind of grab him by the back of his collar and start to drag him off into the other room. I-- take him outside, Valus. Do you really want to do this in front of people? Yes, actually. But it might not be the best idea. It's up to you. If you want to do this in the street, we could do this in the street. What do you think, Jadzia? Do we make this public? Yeah. Yeah, I think most people would probably be relieved anyway, right?

Like, I don't really care where it happens. Outside, outside, outside, outside, outside. OK, we can-- OK. Valus is going to change direction and start back towards the front door and-- There is some nice carpeting in here. Let's not ruin it. He does have nice stuff. And technically, this would be your house. Like, legally, seriously, like we joked about on the last episode. In Hyrton's-- Yeah, you were his wife and now his widow. Technically, this would go to you. Although, you know, it's painfully obvious you have murdered him and are going to cut him to ribbons in the street.

Self-defense. Yeah. And then catharsis. By the way, where's Jeffrey? He kind of hightailed it. Like, he's-- like, you get the-- like, at this point, you get the impression he's hiding. I liked Jeffrey. I wanted to give him the house. Is he hiding from us? Or is he hiding-- I think he was just hiding. Like, you-- like, he probably knew that this wasn't going to go terribly well. And then there was probably quite a ruckus as you guys were beating the living shit out of each other in the dining room and the study. Like, kind of a Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing, as you are tearing ass through the fucking-- to the house all the way to the front door.

So, like, after a few minutes, he may come back out just to see what he needs to clean up. Like, maybe a body. He doesn't know. But yeah, that-- Maybe. Yeah. What messes the Miss Grace made this time? [LAUGHTER] Do you know what kind of law there is here? Actually, I would probably know that too, I guess. Regarding-- Roll a streetwise check. Probably decapitations. Who's got a good streetwise? I have plus 8. I have plus 8 as well. I've got plus 4. Well, OK. Una comes from-- Una kind of comes from this place. It's where a temple is. So go ahead and roll a streetwise check. 15.

OK. Estherholt is a pretty standard city in that they have a town guard. They have a very small military force. And they have pretty standard laws when it comes to murder and public execution and such and such. This was self-defense. Is there any sort of idea that I have about, like, what people might have thought of this guy? Like, would it be OK for us to chop him up in the street? Or-- OK, here's what you're gathering with a 15. Darmok was definitely not popular. Tieflings are not incredibly popular. But that's mainly because of the press that Darmok's giving them.

And while it is-- no one would miss him if he was gone. Cutting him up in the street may not be-- OK, if they were that absolutely opposed to him being there, they would have just Frankenstein the shit out of him and raided his house and burned him alive. But they can't-- like, mostly, they're fearful of him. And secondly, they kind of have to abide by the law. And as long as Darmok didn't do anything to-- at least overtly, like, openly murder someone in the street, they really couldn't do anything to him. So those laws do apply to you as well. Unless he attacked you in the street and it was obvious to everyone, they'd be taking your word for it.

And being as helljets, he has his former wife. She kind of has motive. Let's not do it in the street. Yeah. Maybe take him out back and bury him in pieces. I just imagine it's like placing furniture in a new house, and Val is just like, just kick it. So now he's changing direction again. And there's this awful, like, blood smear. What? Look, there's this awful blood smear as he changes directions and he listens to you speak. It's like, ugh. And then just change directions again, start dragging him the opposite. So I get-- like, there is a huge, like, a hedgerow maze type of thing in Darmok's backyard, which normally is this wonderful-- it's like, oh, wow, a hedgerow maze.

It's kind of terrifying. Because imagine you were either in service to Darmok, or let's maybe say his wife. Let's say you made the mistake of running out the back door to try to get away. Now you're in a fucking maze running from him. Yeah, let's bury him there. That seems appropriate. And when you start digging in, there's, like, bodies everywhere. All right, Valis is going to drag him out the back door. And you're kind of dragging him. So there won't be any witnesses. And Valis is going to kind of-- so he's-- so Darmok's kind of splayed out. Like, he's just kind of, like, laying there.

And then Valis is going to offer his broadsword to Jadzia. Let us take off. Would you like to take the first swing? Jadzia is, like, 120 pounds. I know, which kind of makes it hilarious. But-- Just thinking about all of the Valis-Jadzia shippers, and he, like, comes up behind her, like he's teaching her how to do pole. [LAUGHTER] Yes, I think Jadzia is going to take it, though. OK. And-- yeah. Well, go ahead and roll an athletics check. Oh, this is going to be fun. And then you stab Valis in the arm again. Somehow. 14. That's not terrible. So Jadzia's going to raise this big, unwieldy sword kind of up as far as she can lift it.

Where are you going to cut at him? Like, where-- like, you going for the head? Oh, come on. Tick, tick, tick, tick. OK. I'm asking the wrong questions to the wrong people. I'm imagining you're swinging at the pelvic region. Yes! You can say stomach if it makes you feel better. It doesn't. But it's OK. I've kind of-- I've built up a callus. I'm accustomed to it. Let's say she's-- his legs are splayed, and she's going right up the middle. [LAUGHTER] So it's like chest cavity, but also. All right. Chest cavity, but also. Taking the scenic route. So OK. The weight of the sword is going to do a lot of the work here.

And this big fucker is going to cleave down into Darmok's midsection. And it's going to do exactly what you think it's going to do. And there is this puddle of blood that's forming underneath the body now. It's kind of staining the dirt around the area. Valus? OK. The reaction for Valus, he thought you were going to cut his head off or something like, yeah, that's really satisfying. The big dick chop thing, he's like, ugh. Like, he gets it. But at the same time, it's like, well, that's disturbing. That's kind of like, wow, that's OK. And he's going to go ahead and unless you refuse to hand it to him, he's going to go ahead and start reaching towards the hilt of the sword.

Like, obviously you're upset. And he's just going to go, OK, let me start to get that back from you. And yeah. He can have it back. OK. We're just going to walk over and clap Jodzi on the back, like, you go, girl. Miss Sandra. Valus is going to go ahead and move up towards the head, raise his sword, and I'll have him roll an athletics check, too. What the hell? What is Valus athletics? And then he stabs Jodzi in the arm, and it comes off because it's a broadsword. [LAUGHTER] 21. He's going to cut Darmok's head clean off with this thing. And it kind of rolls to the side.

His eyes are still open, by the way. Darmok's eyes are still kind of open. When he died, he was just kind of staring across the room at Jadzia. So still open, kind of mouth agape a little bit. And it just kind of rolls over to its side. And so it goes. Does anyone else-- well, I mean, his hammer really isn't going to do anything. But if anyone else wants to take a whack and-- I was going to say, hey, you know, that face is pretty creepy. You want to smash face? Biggest grin. Do I have to make an athletics check? Yes. OK, to smash the face. Here we go. 17. That'll do it.

Like golf. Just-- into the hedge maze. I'll go get it afterward. We're gross. He was the nastiest motherfucker. He really was. This is like a death so worthy of that. This is the first mutilation, I think, on the show where after a boss fight, it's like, nah, that's not good enough. Let's really make sure he is not coming back. So the-- OK. I would imagine that it's time to dig a hole. Here's what we're going to do. So this is a pretty-- so I imagine you guys are chilling towards the center of this hedge maze just to make sure that no one's going to kind of stumble upon this.

Did we loot the corpse? You didn't. We just dismantled it. Yeah, you just kind of took it apart. I feel like we probably took its clothes off, you know, like partially at least whilst dismantling it, you know. OK. We do have a whole house to loot too. Yeah, that's true. But you might have some keys or like a diary or like somebody's fucking blood or something. I don't know. Something interesting. Well, on him, he's carrying his rod, which was his implement that he used to cast spells at people, which is the same thing Jadzia used. And it's called the Rod of First Blood, which kind of adds up.

See? All right. It's the only sexy thing about him, but yeah. Is the rod that Jadzia destroyed or-- Different rod. --because of a penis. No, I-- yeah, no. I'm really sorry, male listeners. I'm mostly sorry for all the evil giggling in the background. There's a real large amount of joy coming from-- Don't sexually assault people, guys. This is what's going to come to you. That is true. Like, he was a fucking-- he was a raping, awful, fucking-- OK. We're going to have to have a conversation in game, I think, because I don't think people understand the full breadth of what Darmok did to Jadzia.

Yes, so that's the Rod of First Blood. Actually, the full title is Rod of First Blood Part 2, kind of. So it's Rambo's weapon. Never mind. It's a joke from the '80s. Never mind. It's a plus 2, but it's-- never mind. That's stupid. OK, moving on. That failed so bad. No! That was the wrong crowd for this. You guys are too young. OK, so. Cool new rod. Yeah. Make a perception roll, please. Anyone? Can I do an arcana roll? No. Not for this. Oh, no, no, this isn't for the rod. I thought it was for the rod. No. Who has good-- Phee, you've had good perception. Yep. Do we all roll, or just-- 25.

You can all roll. OK. 25 was perfect, but you know. Yeah. Ha. When I did first blood-- Well, she got a 9, technically. She rolled a 1. Plus 8. I know she-- well, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, that's-- I rolled a 2, so-- So suck it. Looking around this beautiful ornate maze, Phee is noticing that there are several spots that look as though they may have something buried there. Called it. Let's dig. And it's-- I mean, if you want to pick a spot that doesn't look like it's been dug up fairly recently, that's up to you. Or if it-- because there's-- it almost looks like someone's tilled a garden in certain spots, but there are no flowers planted at all in those spots.

It's just freshly dug dirt. Hmm. Do we want to look into this? Yes. I was going to say, Phee turns to Jadzia and points at one of the freshly dug dirt and is like, is that what I think it is? Jadzia is just kind of like solemnly nod, like, yep, that's pretty common. Fair enough. Should we dig them up, see who they are? If you want to, I mean-- What's more disrespectful, digging up someone's grave or letting them go unidentified in death? Would we be able to identify them? We don't know how long they've been dead for. Fresh graves. Oh, yeah, I suppose so. Some of them are pretty fresh.

Some of them look like they're a little older. OK, how about Phee and I will dig up the others, and you guys can dig the holes for the bits. [LAUGHTER] Valis is going to kind of turn to Jadzia. Do you want this all in the same hole, or am I digging several? How are we doing this? We should-- let's dig five holes. We should keep him separate. I don't know how much power he has. He could still come back. Do you really think after all of this that there's even a chance of that? I don't want to be too careful. I could have sworn he was dead the first time. And this might just be her being paranoid too.

Right. Good reason. Yeah. Damn fine reason. Would you mind if I asked a question? Jadzia is just going to nod. Go ahead. What was happening after you killed Darmok? It looked like you were draining him of something. How do I explain this? She's going to take off her helm and turn it. So like when there's a soul in one of the baubles, does it look different than the other baubles? Yes. It kind of has this faint green glow that accompanies it. So you can definitely tell that something-- yeah, something's in there. The way it's been explained to me is that this helm can capture souls.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with this, but I'm not going to let it out until I'm sure that he won't come back. So you have his soul in your hat. [LAUGHTER] Yes. So a couple of seconds goes by, and he just gives the-- all right. And he starts digging. That's the most normal thing in the world. After it's been explained, it's like, oh, all right. Well, that explains it. And he's just going to start digging. Are-- OK. Are Una and Fi having a conversation while this is going on? OK. I guess while we're digging, just kind of be like, she was married to that motherfucker.

Yeah. I can't believe that. I don't think I'd want to live if I was in that situation. What an amazing woman. Definitely. She's got more to her than I initially thought. How's your hand? It's a lot better since you healed it. Still aches. Too much to dig? I'm sure I can manage. OK, let's get these bodies up. OK. Sounds good to me. Valis is going to keep talking to Jadzia here. Like, as he's digging these separate holes, kind of spread out from each other. Would you mind if I asked how you got away from Darmok the first time? Jadzia is-- she's going to sit down, and now she's just kind of staring at Darmok's body, like, completely drained.

She's going to say, he didn't know that I had magic. It came quite suddenly. But I waited after I got it. I practiced teleporting. And then one day after he tied me up, when he thought that I couldn't move, I teleported behind him, and I slit his throat. And then I lit his body on fire, and I ran. He could have-- maybe I didn't slice deep enough. I don't know. But that's how it happened. You had the time to master that much magic? How long were you married to him? From when I was 15 to when I was 21. And for the record, I think she's 23 now. So she was in the army for two years after that.

Just out of story. Got to keep the timeline straight. I really need to break down the timeline for everyone today. Because it's become this gleeing knot. This-- yeah, it's so muddled and crazy. Like, I know it. Like fucking Doctor Who. Dude, it's fact. Our two-year continuity would make people's fucking heads explode at this point. Like, we really need to chisel it out. Valus is going to stop digging for just a second. You lived with him for a very long time. That must have been incredibly difficult. Valus is going to reach down and take out that sack of gold that you handed him for this job.

And just kind of-- he's going to toss it at Jadzia. All right. Athletic check. I guess, yeah. Let's do that. Just because this would kind of keep 22. She can do that. All right. So you catch that shit one-handed. Just like, bam. Fuck yeah. Make money, get bitches. That's Jadzia's motto, right? Totally. It's our first Jadzia t-shirt in the store. Well, any of her other ones would be fucking depressing. Well, it's either that or penis mutilation. So I don't know what's marketable. Who would buy that? Big thumbs up. Make money, get tieflings. Hey, guys. It's like splitting a hot dog down the middle, right?

It's like, oh, come on. That was me. OK, don't blame that on us. Was that? OK. I'm sorry. It all blends together. All right. I want it to kind of be that shit where it's like anime, where she catches it without even looking and then looks down. She's surprised she caught it. You know, like an anime. Then she's going to ask, why are you giving me this? I-- I have money. I figure you've been through enough. This was something that needed to be done. You're also forgiven for stabbing me, by the way. She's going to cross her legs and hold them with her arms. And she's going to nod and then say, thank you for-- while he was doing all of that, thank you for keeping your hands on my shoulders.

Honestly, if we didn't need him, I would have pulled you back a lot faster. Let me-- OK. Moon and Fi are excavating bodies over here. They have found a-- a CSI treasure trove. This place is riddled with corpses. Oh, so you made it sound like real treasure. I was excited. I thought he was crazy and just burying treasure everywhere. He's crazy, but he's-- some of these bodies appear to be no more than, like, days old. Some of them-- Fucked up. A little late for that. [LAUGHS] Some of them-- some of them appear to be weeks and months old. Like, some of them are a bit more decayed.

Couple of them are actually mostly skeletal. Like, he's been-- he's been at this for a while. The ones that are fresh enough that you can see skin and you can kind of see what's going on have multiple cuts all over their bodies. Like, we're talking all over, up and down. A couple of them have these-- it almost looks like tiger stripes, where he has cut very-- like, it looks like it's been measured all up and down their entire body from toes to neck, all the way up. Like, little cuts, except for two younger women-- Ugh. --who bear a striking resemblance to Jetzia.

Ugh. So what you're extrapolating from this is that maybe they looked just enough like her that he was delusional enough to think that they were her. And then once he figured out that wasn't the case-- Are they-- are they still, like, wearing clothes? They-- they-- for the most part, yes. They are-- but it's very, like, sheer nightgown type stuff. Like, they're wearing, like, bedwear type of stuff. But yeah, they're dressed. Ugh. Oh, god, do we tell Jetzi about that? That is up to you two. Hey, come here, look at this shit. It's pretty fucked up, right? Yeah, I'm going to wander over to Jetzi and just kind of, like-- whenever she and Valus are done talking, kind of hover on the sidelines for a little bit, I guess, I don't know.

Yeah, he's-- yeah, they're-- he's going to stop. Like, when he sees you come over, like, he figures you found something. OK. There are a lot of bodies. Quick question. Like, beyond the two young men, or however fucking many there are that grows creepy bastard, are there, like, kids or, like, young men or, like, just random fucking villagers or, like-- It appears to be random for the most part. There's a couple of older people. There are three children. And the rest of them just appear to be, like, men in their, like, 20s to 40s, like, anywhere in that. But the two women stood out because they don't have the cuts-- even the children have, like, cuts all over their body.

OK. There are a few kids and a lot of others. And they appear to be-- have used in some sort of blood magic shit. But there are also a couple of girls. And they look a lot like you. Jodzia is going to stand up and tell Una to show her. Yeah, I will walk her over to the nasty-ass bodies. Jodzia is just going to look at them, like, for a really long time and then just shake her head. I did that. No. A crazy bastard did this. They could have looked like anyone. They could have looked like any girl he'd been married to. They should have made sure he was dead. You slit his throat and set him on fire.

He's a tiefling. Setting him on fire was ridiculous. You were young and afraid. It's fine. It's not your fault. Valus is clearly uncomfortable. He wants to-- kind of like Una was early. It's like, I don't know, a dinner roll? That's how feelings work, right? He's kind of-- he's not great at consoling someone. But he's going to kind of clamp his big fucking hand over her shoulder and just-- you were lucky to get out alive. Expecting you to do any more than that was ridiculous. I hate to ask, but do you recognize any of these bodies? Do I recognize any of these bodies?

Is there a check? Roll a perception check. That's a good point. I also lived in Esterhold. Should I do that as well? You should as well. All right. I got a 23. I got a 12. Including none of them are followers of Kord. 23, you will recognize two of these bodies. One, a child. Not that you've had any formal-- you don't know them, but they are both definitely from Esterhold. They lived here. So it's-- it is-- like, you know they're from this town that they probably went missing. People probably looked, and they just didn't look here. So yeah, like, you don't know their names, but you do know that they come from Esterhold.

So we dug them up. What are we doing with them now? Loot the-- no. [LAUGHTER] OK, OK, OK. Now we'll get emails. Loot the corpses of children. That's D&R Podcast, D-A-N-D-R Podcast, dr.com. No. We're trying to smoke our pants. [LAUGHTER] He's taking the pants off-- anyway. My god. But I was thinking that if we found corpses that we could identify, we should take them to their families. But now thinking, like, if these kids have been missing for a while, it's probably better to just let them have been-- just have vanished, as opposed to taking their body to their parents.

Just kidding. They were used for blood magic. So now you want to just cover them back up. Well, no. We can't give them a proper funeral, like, you know, say prayers and burn them or something. If we weren't in the situation that we were in, what with having disposed of Darmmock, I would probably say that we should notify the authorities that the bodies have been found so that any families can finally be put to rest. But I don't know how to-- I wouldn't know how to explain the situation to any authority that we would inform. Hey, you know how there was that crazy guy up on the top of a mountain and your people kept disappearing?

Maybe you should have looked into it. I don't know. We can always go to them and say that we are Jadzia's friends. We escorted her home to make peace with her husband. He flew into a rage and attacked her. We had to kill him before he killed her. We chopped him up. It kind of discredits us a little bit, but-- What did you do with his dick? Yeah, we mutilated his genitals. Just a little. Just a little. Out of self-defense, you know. Leave me out of self-defense. Out of self-respect, we mutilated his genitals. [LAUGHTER] I don't know. I think proper graves is the way to go here.

Just time consuming. I've got a good religion. I could say some shit. I don't know. When I think of a heart-moving speech, I think of Una. You know, they fucking died, and that's just fucked up. So yeah, god stuff. Peace. [LAUGHTER] Drops the mic. Hey, if it's a prayer, that's like the one thing. Maybe. [LAUGHTER] But again, I feel like prayers to court are just like the screams of innocence or something like-- The limitations of the innocent. The tears of widows and orphans. Cor's not fucking psychotic. He's just all up on the honor and strength and shit. He's not like orc god or something.

I just have this mental image of all of us standing around a giant pile of corpses, just like, oh, what the fuck do we do with all of these? That's kind of what's happening. Valus is kind of eyeballing you. Am I digging more holes? What are we doing? Personally, I prefer cremation. But I don't know who these people followed or what their burial rites might be. That would be easier and cleaner. But it might draw a lot of attention to us. Religion check for the town of Esterhole and what these people's burial things may have been. Sure, go right ahead. Is that religion or is that streetwise?

Ah, religion. Well, I mean, you could do either one. Religion would be a little more on the nose, but yeah. I live in. I don't fuck all. Besides the Temple of Kord, Esterhole's pretty welcoming of all religions. That's just kind of the one that sees the most veneration in Esterhole. They're kind of big on the strength and honor thing. They like it. That's kind of served them well in the past, especially living so close to the Overwatch and Odessia. If anyone wants to roll a history check on Odessia or streetwise-- Oh, me. Go right ahead. 20. Thanks. OK. Here's the deal with Odessia.

And this is something that people out east don't really know because they don't have to know. But Odessia was the home city of the Aladrin. This gorgeous, shimmering jewel on the coast of the southern tip of Theria. This thing is kind of up on the hills, kind of overlooking the ocean. Fucking beautiful. This jewel encrusted, like the pinnacle of living, of decadence and opulence. If you go there, it was so infused with magic and just gorgeous handcrafted stuff. The Aladrin kind of fancied themselves better than pretty much everyone else, like every other race.

They are genetic perfection to them. And they showed that with where and how they lived. And then all of them seemingly vanished overnight. And that was almost 100 years ago. So this city just kind of sat there. Now, it was magically protected. And for a very long time, it was just abandoned. And then after the Overwatch ended up being excommunicated from Uvenero, they set out to find a place of their own. And they happened upon Odessia. And they kind of just squatted there and took it. So now the city is-- oh, that's a map. I have a map. Yeah, so now the city is-- it's just run by these warforged.

They don't want anything to do with society. They don't want anything to do with-- which is a problem because people traveling towards-- like, you guys are in a bit of a bind. You have to pick which way you'd like to go. Now, if you'd like to go through the southern tip of Theria and move around Odessia, you can. But you may encounter some resistance from these warforged. And you'd have to explain yourself. And your turn. And your turn. So what are we doing with the bodies? That's the-- it's totally up to you. If you burn them, that could attract attention.

I guess reburying them with, like, you know, fucking-- like, you could read some rights to them or-- Put, like, big rocks. Yeah, like little-- yeah. OK, yeah, let's rebury them and give them the best rights we can. OK, so reburying all those bodies. I mean, they're already holes. That was just pointless. Yes, yes. But now we know who they were, at least-ish. Well, that makes the next question I'm going to ask really weird. Jadzia, do you want to move into this house? [LAUGHTER] I want to at least look through the house-- OK. --before I make that decision.

I mean, we got a lovely backyard. There's a maze, you know? We burned the maze down. That's creepy as shit. [LAUGHTER] It's not creepy on the face of it. It's creepy when, like-- now you definitely get the sense that some people were trapped in this maze when he killed them, maybe. Like, that was something-- like, they fled. Just made the mistake of, like, ah, shit, they got shinninged, basically, where it was like, oh, god. That's just a really terrifying thing. Like, I'm chasing you down. And he can teleport, so that's even worse? Uh, OK. So, OK, who wants to say something for these corpses?

Like, who wants to kind of give them their last rites? I would say Una, just because she would be the most religious of the lot of you. It ain't going to be Valus. Yeah, OK, OK, I'll do it. Yeah. Go ahead and roll a religion check to see how much of this prayer you'd remember. OK. 14. 14? OK. What were you saying? To, uh-- OK, Una's not a cleric. So she's not particularly well versed in accordion funeral rites. These weren't warriors, so it's not exactly the realm of that. But I know something along the lines of, like, they probably died like cowards, too. Fuck. [LAUGHTER] Well, like, cowards is a little harsh.

OK, OK. Uh-- [LAUGHTER] Funny, funny. [LAUGHTER] That's actually a really good line. Please say that out loud, Brie. I just imagine Una in high school, like, we're never going to use prayer in real life, yo. [LAUGHTER] Oh, god. OK. I guess she'll say something like, you know, these people died terrified and in pain, but their suffering was not cowardly or weak. And I hope they are resting more peacefully now that somebody knows how they came to their end. How would you like to search this house and kind of see what-- how Dormac lived, I guess. Find Jeffrey first.

He's just in a closet somewhere. [LAUGHTER] Like an ironing board that folds out. [LAUGHTER] Walking back into the house, carrying a shovel, and-- Hooted in blood. Blood and dirt. Jeffrey's going to be milling about when you get back into the house. And there's a mixture of terror and just genuine concern that crosses his face. And he kind of rushes up to Jedzia. Miss Grace, are you OK? Jedzia's just going to nod. Like, she's just very quiet now. She's kind of surprised that this all happened, like that she's not dead. Where's Dormac? Dormac's gone. [LAUGHTER] Somewhere in a bush.

Where it fucking belongs. Got stuck in a tree or something. Whatevs. Just leave it. Can I ask Jeffrey a question? Go ahead. I'm going to step forward and just kind of, like, not intimidate-- He's like 90. But like, just kind of like lean forward a little bit and say, did you know about those bodies in the garden? Luna's just picking on old men. Whatever. So you are kind of leaning in a little bit. Just a little-- not like, I'm going to hurt you if you give me the wrong answer. Just kind of like, did you really? You fucking know about this shit? Like, that kind of-- OK.

And he's stammering. And he looks down at his shoes. I did, yes. The young women? The little kids? There was a period of time where Darmok was very distraught over the loss of Jatzia. And he started to see her face everywhere. And most of the time, I was able to convince him that it wasn't her. But those two particular young women happened to bear a striking resemblance. And I was unable to snap him into reality. Eventually, he did understand that neither one was Jatzia. And he got rid of both of them. And again, not making eye contact, staring straight at the floor.

Do you know the families of the women and the people buried out there? I-- I could look into it. I honestly never wanted to know. I-- I wouldn't know what to tell them that would comfort them. I think you should, without giving too much away, and without bringing back painful memories-- I'm going to kind of look at Jatzia like, is this OK what I'm saying? You should make some sort of provisions for them. [LAUGHTER] OK, we have to stop, because people are going to start hating us. Yeah, I know. I'll-- I'll edit. We just-- we just-- don't worry, they died screaming.

They died peaceful. No, wait, what's the opposite of that? [LAUGHTER] Um, I-- if Darmak is truly gone, I'll-- I'll notify anyone that I could find that would be attached to those people. What would you like me to do? What-- I've been tied to Darmak for many years. I don't really know what to do beyond this. Will you be living here now? And he's looking at Jatzia. Jatzia is going to look over at Una. Like, she kind of defers to Una as the leader, so it's clearly obvious that she doesn't want to stay here, but she also realizes that they don't have anywhere to live.

So she's kind of going to be like, well, what do you guys think? To be honest, I don't want to spend a fucking night under this roof. It is your house though, Jatzia. Is it a little bit crappy? It looks like there's some pretty nice stuff in here. I mean, it-- I'm sure we could gain something from having to look around, but I don't think owning the house is necessary. But Alice? He didn't expect to be asked. This is just-- well. Like, he's very-- like, this concerns him not at all. He's almost like, it's-- I don't want to live here. Like, he's very-- like, fuck that.

Like, I don't-- this-- no. They need another big tiefling moving into the exact same house where the other-- fuck that. He can deliver flowers and he can give-- he brings a good reputation. Yeah, flowers that have been fertilized with the corpses of former civilians. I'm stuck out of game between giving it to Jeffrey and giving it to the White Ravens. Or just burning it to the ground. Those are the three options that I have right now. And I can't pick. Because you could-- you could have, like, Jeffrey kind of just be like, dude, Jeffrey, like, this is, like-- you can, like, live here and, like, make yourself comfortable and, like, do whatever you want to do.

Like, you don't need to serve anybody. But, like, also we might use his head-- his headquarters at some point. Yeah. He's also, like, 90. He'll die soon. Wow. Staggering that he made it this long without, like, health care or anything. Blood mage health care is pretty good. True. You get dental and everything. Yeah. Yeah, you-- I mean, you would imagine that Dorma would just keep him unhealthful. Like, unnaturally long living. Like, you-- I mean, if this is the only guy he trusts and Jeffrey gets sick, no. That's not an option. You can't die. I'm not going to let you.

So it's incredibly selfish and still kind of caring at the same time. The phlebotomists are great. OK. I guess Judzia is going to ask Jeffrey if he knows anything about the White Ravens. I've heard the name, but I'm afraid I don't really know anything about them. Well, there are two of them that I owe my life right now. You can stay here, and this can be your home. But would you mind if the White Ravens used it? It's yours to do with as you see fit, Miss Grace. All right, that's what we'll do then. Valus is coming to lean down to Una. Can we please get out of here?

But I want to look at his stuff. I'll kind of pat him, like, in a second. Trust me, I don't want to be here. It smells like asshole. [LAUGHTER] I think we should-- It smells like old people in here. --should look around a little bit. Well, looking around, we talked about the rod. There's also-- We talked about lots of rods, actually. Oh. Dildos everywhere. All over his house. But they're, like, scary looking dildos. Like, spiky stuff. Oh, I've made that really sad. [LAUGHTER] Oh, no. Edit that out. Are you-- are you racing group one to see who could be more inappropriate at this point?

Like, are you in some sort of-- was there some sort of backdoor agreement that I'm not privy to? Like, there's a bet going on? We have a bet to see who can make you actually throw up. There's nothing wrong with a tiefling expressing his passion, OK? Look, I'm fine. I'm worried about listenership. I can weather this storm. Look who my friends have been for years. Like, you think Tom hasn't said anything that isn't worse than what you're saying? It's fine. I'm just saying. Poor, poor listeners. It's fine. It never happened. No, no. Edit that out. No. No, that's going to stay in.

We don't want people picturing Jadzia's ex-husband, abusive ex-husband with a house full of spiky dill. That's Jason. I didn't say that was canon. That's not fucking-- I didn't say that was true. That was-- Then the giant eagle flies by. [LAUGHTER] OK, seriously, though. Do you remember that ornate-- that knife that was used to stab Fae? Yep, I remember that. That is actually an enchanted dagger. Ooh. So I'm not sure if anyone-- right now, I have it on Jadzia just because she uses an enchanted dagger. But it's totally up to-- it's a pack blade plus two. So it is up to you guys whether you want to use that or ditch it or whatever.

It's kind of coated in Fae's blood. So it would need to be-- It's kind of a warlock weapon if you read it. Not to be greedy. Just-- Yeah, actually, the one who wields giant hammer. Yeah. I have a rather large sword already. Right. Like it says it functions as a warlock implement. It's all yours, Jadzia. Let's find something for everyone else, though. Just go find where he keeps all the giant hammers, guys. Come on. Isn't the hammer rune it has now? No, we need a better one. OK, fun fact. I talked about on the basement page. You actually did more than 85 damage in the last-- you forgot the crit die.

I didn't even know crit dies were a thing. Oh my god. You get a crit die for every plus that your weapon has, and that's a plus two. So you'd get two crit die, which is a 2D10. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Yeah. Nom, nom, nom, nom. So yeah. Neato. All right. That's fucking awesome. Hanging up on the wall is this gorgeous, polished, silver-looking shield. I have a shield. So you don't need that one. That's what you're saying. That level nine one. Let's just ignore that. I just assume that my shield that I've been carrying around this whole time is just like some fucking wooden-- like nothing special about my shield.

Well, this one is gorgeous. It's called a hammer shield, actually. And what it allows you to do is-- I got to read the exact wording of it, but essentially you get to slam someone with the shield and knock them back a number of spaces. I want it. Then you can take that off the wall and pocket it. I'm going to put the shield in my pocket. [LAUGHTER] I'm just going to look at everybody like, can I-- Can I has? Is this a shield? Can I have? Can I have the shield? I don't know. I don't tend to use shields. I'm dead. Jodgier just goes, no, that's mine. Everything in here is mine.

Technically, all this shit is mine now. I'm going to look at Valis like, do you use shields or just scary bear trap things? Shields in your pox. That's bitchcraft, and I'll have none of it. Is what-- no. No. No shields. Like grab the shield off the wall and hug it. Searching through the rest of this house, you are going to find-- in Darmok's study, this guy has a wealth of arcane knowledge. And this-- like this guy has been-- specifically blood magic. So he was an avid journal keeper too. Like this guy kept detailed journals. There are many journals in this place.

Looks like he wrote about his life every day of his life, sometimes two, three times a day. So to take all this with you is a little unreasonable. Like we're talking hundreds of pounds of books. But to take some of them with you is completely reasonable. Rabby hands. If I were to look for specific buzzwords, could I find books that relate mostly to those things? Well, like what are you-- are you talking about the journals, or are you talking about just the magic tomes and things? Probably just the magic tomes. Like Jadzia doesn't want any deeper into Darmok's brain, really, if anyone else is interested in those.

OK. I'm sure they're really interesting. --journal drinking games. Every time he says, Jadzia, my child, you have to take a shot and then slit your throat. That's a wonderful impression. [LAUGHTER] Please. Oh, god. Obviously, there's journals and there's magic tomes. Is there like any books on like races and like people? There would be some crossover. There would be like cross-referencing stuff, like how magic affects different races. This guy was heavy into experiments, because the bodies you dug up weren't all human, obviously. They were from around town.

And like you get the sense that maybe he was experimenting on how magic affects different races, how-- what the endurance limits of certain races are. Like there are books on a lot of stuff. Like picture like finding books on Nazi, like World War II experiments and stuff. It's like, wow, that is really fucked up. Like you read about some of the stuff they did, and it's like, wow, humans did that? Shit. Oh, actually. Yeah. He wants to see if he can find any books on changelings and any books on scions. OK. You do find some interesting stuff about changelings.

Like you find a couple of books where they're referenced. Scions, not so much. That's a little more rare than changelings. What would Jetzia be looking for specifically? You mentioned like keywords. Anything on souls and demons. Lots of stuff there. Like if you were doing a Google search, it's like, oh, we have 50,000. Yeah, that's like you're thumbing through some of these. Like some of these have multiple references. Like you'd be taking out a small stack of books. You'd be checking those out from the library. That's a lot of-- I would imagine you just want to take these with you?

Yeah, I'll just throw them in my pack. OK. Let me ask you guys a question. How would you like to handle-- OK, firstly, what's your next destination? Like what are you trying to get to now? I imagine we're going to try to meet up with Liara and Brianna, but I can't remember where they went. They went to Winterhaven. Yeah. I say we accomplished what we needed to do here, and then some. There's nothing much else in Esterhold. There's the Temple of Kord, but there's no need to go there. So I say we just head back. Got shit to deal with. Now the next question is, how would you like to try and get there?

Because as we previously discussed, that you're not going to be able to sneak past that roadblock, which is the quickest way in and out of Esterhold. Your other two options are to travel down to the southern tip of Theria around Odessia, all the way back past the Blackrock Mountains, and then up-- not taking the road, because if you were to take the road, that would lead you directly to the Overwatch, which means heading through the hills and mountains, up past Betrayal Ridge, and then back to the road towards Durnhalle. By the time we got there, the war would be done.

Yeah, that's like a week and a half travel. Yeah, you're definitely not going to like option two, because that's basically like travel past Highmantle Forest, through Heroes' March, past Fair Bay, and Lockfort, and Silverglade, all the way back up to Donhurst, then travel-- yeah, that's your only other option. Your only other option is to either try and directly go through the mountains and climb them, which is going to be time consuming and dangerous, but you would avoid the pass, or just try and barrel through the pass. OK, we tie Valus up, right?

And then stab him. Yes, perfect. And then we go through the checkpoint. It'll be perfect. All right, I'm OK with fighting my way back to the checkpoint. Yeah, I just-- Sneaking up on them in the middle of the night, and just charging through, guns blazing. We've only been here for a day, right? Not even a day, yeah. So not enough time for them to get reinforcements or anything? I can't tell you that. It would be a logical assumption. The faster we get back, the less time they'll have to prepare, the less they'll expect us to come back, honestly. Yeah. We told them exactly where we were going.

The fact that they didn't come after us, actually, is kind of suspicious. Maybe they thought we were going down. Well, they don't really have any power. They don't have any jurisdiction in Esterhold, and there were only 30 of them. And you were on horseback. Kind of aside to Judzia, how are you feeling, by the way? I mean, we trekked for days to get here. We fought a battle, and then we did a bunch of digging. Do you want to rest for a night? Do you want to get a room in an inn? Do you want to spend a night here? How am I feeling, Jason, health-wise? Like, all better?

You are getting better. You're still going to be fatigued, but you are definitely-- you feel yourself getting better minute to minute. But I mean, that doesn't-- you still should probably get sleep, because you guys have only slept on the road. But yeah, sickness-wise, you'll be fine. Fee. Yep. Do me a favor and make a perception check. Oh, 11. My hand hurts. Fee's hand does most definitely hurt. Do me a favor, Una and Judzia, make a perception check, too, as he's kind of raising his hand to look at it. 22. 24. We know what the-- oh, crit, holy shit. Yeah. Something is very wrong with Fee.

Now, Una definitely healed his hand. So the stab wound is gone, but there would definitely be a scar straight through it. You definitely see where he's been stabbed. There is a black spider webbing spreading out from where the wound took place. And it's very faint. Like, it's not like all over his hand, but I mean, it looks like it's infected or something similar. Oh, god. Is vampirism, like, fucking HIV? Does it spread via-- I guess it would spread via blood. I don't think any of the vampirism blood would have touched me, because he stabbed me and then drifted into a bowl, unless there was something already on the knife.

Did he put the knife in me at all? No, he just made me drink face blood. Yep. Fuck. Arcana and/or heal checks to figure out what's going on? Give me an arcana. Jadzia, I think that's you. I don't know shit. OK, should I do arcana or heal? I've got six heal and four arcana. This would be arcana. This would be straight arcana. Shocked it. Good luck. So we have a 13 with a plus 12 and a 6 with a plus 4. I guess Valis could roll an arcana check, but-- Do it. Why not? Yeah, this will go well. Natural 20. Come on, Valis. Seven. There are clerics. There are clerics at the temple whom I know.

We could take fee there, because that looks bad. Cleric-- there's vampires involved? Clerics make me nervous. There's not vampires involved anymore. Clerics of Kord are not necessarily-- All right, maybe that's a good idea. And we can sleep there. So like two birds, one stone. Yeah? Sound good. Valis looks a little nervous going into-- Let's bring what they consider the literal devil into the church. Come on, now. That's not how the temple of Kord is. It's fine. All right, I guess we're going to take a trip to the temple of Kord. Now, the guy who runs this specific temple is named Craig.

Yay. Craig. Totally just Craig. Wasn't that the name of the beholder? No, that was Doug. Doug. Doug. They should have a sitcom. Doug was just a bro. Doug and Craig. Doug and Craig. One beholder and the other's a cleric. A fish out of water comedy. Craig Mason, actually, is the guy's name. And this guy kind of runs the day-to-day operations of the temple. And he helps train people and teach people the ways of Kord, how not to be a bitch, that type of thing. So Craig is actually going to see Una coming. And he's going to light up because of the representatives of the faith of Kord.

So OK, you ever have those people from any religion kind of knock on your door on a Sunday and like, hey, you want some religion, that kind of thing? Well, picture that. But picture them threatening and bullying to beat you up if you didn't believe in Kord. Like, that's OK, have you heard of Kord? Well, you fucking should have. And if you don't, I'm going to fucking hit you. So she's very much-- she is representative of what the faith should be, at least in this guy's eyes. So he's going to kind of light up and walk towards Una. This guy is fairly large.

He's about 6' 5", like 250 pounds, like big barrel-chested dude, kind of heavyset. Also a little older. And he is going to kind of wrap his arms around Una in this big fucking bear hug. Totally, like squeezing back, dude, like that slap the back dude thing that dudes do. Una! Craig. How have you been? Been getting a lot of exercise in. That's good to hear. How about you? I heard you were fighting the good fight for the Overwatch, but still fighting. Fighting for somebody else? No, but still fighting. Really? Well, I look forward to hearing all about that. What brings you to Aesterhold?

What can I do? We came to clear up some business, and something bad happened. My friend's hand, it got stabbed. I healed it, but there's something weird with it. And we were wondering if we could talk to one of the clerics. Yeah, I'm sure I could arrange something. Let me see his hand. Fee. Yep, Fee. Fee, Fee, Fee, Fee presents his hand. So, Krex is gonna kind of reach over and kind of like almost aggressively take his wrist. Like it's a piece of paper, your hand is like, let me see this. And this is kind of like pulls, like kind of jerks Fee to him. And like, this guy wears glasses.

So he's kind of like moving his glasses down the bridge of his nose, just kind of like looking at it. Uh huh. That is fucked up. And he's kind of like moving it around. Thank you, doctor. I love this man. Let's get you in to see someone. And again, keeping a hold of his wrist, he's going to drag Fee up like, kind of up the aisle here to see someone. Yeah, I'll swagger along behind. (laughs) Now there is, there's a woman that's kind of doing paperwork and just kind of off to the side. This is a fairly quiet place. There's, I mean, typical temple setting, like nothing too crazy, but instead of, like in most temples you will have, you know, a bit more peaceful decorum.

The temple of court is all like hammers, axes, you know, swords, that kind of thing. Like it's just kind of decorating the walls, like tons of statues dedicated to big, strong, you know, strapping people like Draak. Like there'd be, there'd definitely be a statue dedicated to Draak and like anybody who exemplifies what following court should be. Now there's a woman kind of sitting by herself and Craig kind of addresses her. Julie! And she looks up from what she's doing. I want you to take a look at this man's hand. It's, well, it's fucked up, I told him myself, but, and he kind of, kind of, again, like never letting go of this guy's, of his wrist, just kind of like handing it off like it's something that like, just kind of like, there you go.

So Julie's kind of kind of reach out and look at your hand. How long has it been like this? Not even an hour, maybe two hours. I'm going to need you to tell me everything that happened to you leading up to this. 'Cause if this is what I think it is, you are in some trouble. What do you think it is? Have you been involved in any religious rights, pact, something of that nature? I'm going by the stab wound in your hand. Hypothetically, presume that we have. Hypothetically, you could be dying very soon if you don't tell me exactly what happened to you. What exactly do you think it is?

Okay, okay, okay, enough of this shit. We got in a fight with the crazy asshole that lives in that house and he healed our friend of vampirism and in the process he had to use some blood. He took it from Fi, he stabbed him in the hand. I healed the hand, but now it's fucked up. What do we do? Okay, thank you for letting me know. And she's kind of looking at Fi like, "Asshole." Like, "Chas." There a little Kurt here at the temple, that's kind of. Love it. You said this happened no more than an hour or two ago? That would be right, wouldn't it, Jason? About, yeah.

Yeah. Took time to dig holes, it took time, yeah, so. I'm not incredibly familiar with blood magic, but I do know that it's all tied to paying some sort of price, like there's usually some sort of trade involved. So I'm guessing if you were there to save one of your friends, you may have just taken the hit for them. Fuck. That's ridiculous. If he wasn't already dead, I'd murder him. You didn't discuss the deal before they just started stabbing you, I mean, that seems like the-- Look, he wasn't really in discussion frame of mind. It was weird as fuck. I'm guessing you had to deal with Darmok.

Oh yeah. Yes. All right, let me pour over some books I have on the subject, maybe I can get you something concrete but I'll be honest here, it doesn't look very good for you. You could be in a lot of trouble. Let me do some reading and I'll get back to you, all right? Will it help if he rests or does it matter? What do we, is there anything we can do? It definitely wouldn't hurt. Actually, you all look filthy, so it might be a good idea to get a shower, get some rest and come back to me in the morning, I'll have something for you. Great. Do you guys wanna talk to these people anymore or is it more, you're just gonna kind of go get a room and-- I'd like to go seek out Craig if I could, once we were all like kind of splitting up to get rooms and shit.

Sure, he's nearby. He would like to, if the rest of the party let him, go back to Darmok's and like look through the journals and stuff in case he can like find anything that would be helpful. Sure. And if he has no issues with sleeping at that house. All right, so he's going back to the house and he's gonna go pour over. Yeah. What did Una wanna say to Craig? I just kinda wanna like sidle up and just kinda like, so I got this and just like take out the hammer. Craig is going to shit himself. Is that what I think it is? He's gonna try and snatch that out of your hand unless you-- I'll like kind of like hold onto it just like for like a .2 second, just kinda like bitch, like eh.

But like I'll let him play with it. And he takes Quartz Fury into his hand and just sounds vaguely sexual when I say it like that. (laughing) So he takes this hammer and he's kind of like kinda playing with the weight of it and my God. He's really like, and then he starts looking around for something to hit. And there are these columns that are kind of lining the, the aisle way here. And he's going to rear back and try and smash one of these support columns. And he takes a good chunk out of one of them. And this kind of reverberating thunderclap that accompanies it.

And Craig starts this big belly chuckle/giggle thing. Just kind of, just kind of like, and then he's gonna try and smash it. (laughing) Just kind of like, just elated. Please tell me you're bringing this here for me to keep. - Not just yet. I have some people who need to experience it first. - Fine. And he hands it, he's gonna kind of hand it back to Una. - Okay, I'll take it back. - Where did you find that? - You're gonna get the biggest kick out of this. - You ever heard of Kaelthorn? - No. (laughing) - Grinning, just the biggest grin. - He is going to give Una another big bear hug.

Ah, and he's just kind of like, ah, just like this big, like it lifts Una up off the ground. You were my favorite student. - You know that, right? - Oh yeah. - Hey, how's your friend, the one that trained with you here, Tutilo? - That went badly. He joined up with me, you know, he convinced me to go and then he got assigned like ditch digging duty and then he beat up a prisoner of mine. She was under my protection and he beat her and then I tried to punish him for it and he was a coward. He ran away, he didn't fight back, I mean until he was forced to really, but pathetic, honestly Craig, it was pathetic.

And he was good when he was here. - That's disappointing. - It's been troubling me. - Did you ever get a chance to question him about it? Like why he didn't fight back at all? - Not really towards the end a little bit, but he ran mostly. - Ugh, like the, like there's a, like it's like the taste of ass has hit his mouth, just like ugh, he ran, just like that ugh. You said you broke his hand. - He punched a root and hurt it and I may have gone a little overboard. - He punched a root. - He missed. - Why? Ugh, like it's causing him physical pain to hear this like ugh.

- I wasn't hitting too much either that day. - If you ever see him again, punch that bitch in the face for me. - Will do, sir. - I have some things to take care of. Is there anything else I can do for you or your party? - No, thank you, thank you for letting us stay here. I appreciate it. Nice to be back. - Any time. You're always very welcome. And he is going to kind of like traipse off. - Cool. - So Jatsy and Una and Valis are gonna hang out here for the night and Fi is going to hang out in Darmok's crib and kind of pour over books and such. - Calling a crib seems less like, yeah, he's crib and more like his cradle.

- Yeah, that's true, you're right. - His home of children. - This is Theria, home of Crips, Crips of Theria. - Pimp my fucking blood mage, Ben. - Yo, yo dog, I heard you like blood. So I. - Here, here we got a motherfucking swimming pool filled to the brim with blood. (laughing) - Yes. - That was really good. So how about we pick up with the next day? - Did I, I'm sorry, I was gonna say, did I find them here over the course of the evening? - Yeah, I wanted to look at my books too. The ones that I stole or technically. - Right, I figured that's what you were doing.

I was gonna look at the next day and just like, oh, this is what I found out, that kind of thing. - Cool. - You are definitely narrowing this down. Like you are getting the, you're not exactly sure which spell Darmok used, but in his desperate and panicked state, you were guessing that it was some sort of transference. He didn't just need your blood. He's using, he used you as a host vessel, it would appear. And that is as much as you found out in your reading. As far as Jadcia goes, what exactly were you trying to research? Was it just for fee? - Right now it was just for fee, yeah.

- Yeah. Pretty much along the same lines, like you're finding out that the way blood magic works is that blood is used as an ingredient for the spell that it doesn't, it isn't, it's used for power. Now different blood carries different abilities. Like they're different, different blood from different people would be used in different spells for different reactions and effects. Fee, it would appear for all intents and purposes that fee is going to inherit the vampirism that would have infected you. But it's gonna manifest differently because of the spell.

- How does, are there like different types of vampires? - Do we know how it's going to manifest? - The books aren't incredibly detailed, but it does say that this has been done before and the way the spell was performed, it may take a bit longer. Whereas Jadzia was dying pretty quickly. It may take a bit longer for fee. - I was okay with being a vampire too. - Well then you shouldn't have fought it so hard. - Jadzia, I am a good role player. - You are. - I played Jadzia, even though I wanted to be a vampire. So we might have enough time to get down to the witch.

- You may want to speak to Julia or Julie. - Yeah, maybe she could help stop that. - Well, she was researching. - Okay. Yeah, let's go to her. Yeah, let's go to Julia. - So Julie's, she's, she looks exhausted. It would appear as though she's been studying this all night and she sees fee and the group kind of enter the room and Valis is kind of, kind of behind, behind everyone. I don't think I have a lot of good news for you. What the hell is happening? Julia is going to reach for fee's hand. Let me see it. - Yeah. - The spider webbing, the black, like it looks like you were, it looks like veins underneath your skin.

That is getting worse, like noticeably worse. Like it's, it's just a little, a little worse than it was yesterday. That is going to spread throughout your entire body. And I'm guessing at the rate it's spreading in the matter of a couple of weeks, you'll be completely infected. And I have no idea what your physical or mental wellbeing will be during this. Not a ton of written material exists from what I can find out, but the gist of it is you will die eventually. And you may come back as a vampire. I'm not exactly a hundred percent sure. It's think of it as a concentrated evil infecting you.

Now you have two options, three, I guess. You could kill yourself. - Fee, yeah, chuckles a little bit. - Nervously. - Julie looks up to you like stern, stern face. Like that wasn't a joke. You could seek out another blood mage, but all you'd really be doing from my understanding is passing the buck to someone else. Or you can cut off your hand. - Let's cut it off. - Yeah, that sounds like the best option. - We can, - Game of Thrones, right? Jamie Lannister. - Yeah, that's going well for him so far. - I could look like you. - Is he left handed? - Okay, so what sort of problems would we see with cutting off his hand?

Like would he take, what is it called? - A penalty. - Penalty, yeah, that thing to stuff. - Probably, he couldn't use the lock pick and the lever to unlock, to pick locks. - It would greatly hinder him as a sneaky character. Not to mention your big sword, is that two handed? - It is, but I can use it in one hand. - Okay. - We could like get you special hands that like have the lock picking tools on them and then you can like switch them out. You know, you have the hook hand and then you have like the key hand and you have like the pick hand. - Should I get just like a war forged arm and just be like, Al from "For Metarachnid"?

- Yeah, can we do that? - Yes, oh my God. - We have Al, can we have Ed? - We have the technology. - Do me a favor and roll a history check, please. - Everybody? - Everybody. - 28. - You know what's strange is someone asked me today about prosthetic limbs in Theria. Now they do exist. Here's the thing. You either have to be exceedingly wealthy because what you're asking to do is essentially take like a war forged hand, like a human made hand, a man-made hand, and you're magically grafting that to your body. And that is a-- - Badass. - It is badass, don't get me wrong.

It's also incredibly expensive or you have to have, you have to know people to get it because what you're doing is you're seeking out a very powerful, it's a very specific form of craftsman, not just an armor smith or a weapon smith, but someone who's also adept at magic or someone who works with someone who's adept at magic. So there are a couple of places where you can go and get that done, but it's going to cost you an obscene amount of money or they'd have to owe you or-- - Just like one good intimidate check. - Maybe, that's true. - I have like a plus 13 to intimidate now.

- That would be something you could do. - With a 28, would I know where to go? Like who could do this? - Yes, yeah, there's a few places. - Anywhere on our way to where we're going anyway? - Well, there's a place in Fair Bay, which is not on your way at all. There is someone in Winterhaven actually. - Well, there we go, cut it off. - Yeah, yeah, see, he would have-- - Jesse is just gonna nudge you and be like, dude, I know a guy, cut off your hand. Don't worry, I got this. - This is gonna be so awesome, you're gonna get like a bad-ass hand. Yeah, so V would, as soon as she said, oh, we can cut off your hand, would just like thrust his hand at her and just go cut it off, cut it off, cut it off.

- Fucking bad-ass. - And if she doesn't do anything, he's just gonna like turn to ballast and ballast, cut it off, fricking. - Julie is not going to cut your hand off, that's not really, she's more researcher than Vels. - Look, we'll take him out into the yard, we cut the hand off and I'll heal instantly, it won't, it'll be fine. - Okay, then let's, okay, let's get rid of Cut Phee's hand off. - Welcome to Group 3A, we just do shit. - I literally presented you with three options, well, let's do that, I mean, that's-- - This is the second time in one episode we're gonna mutilate someone, just say it.

- Welcome to-- - Oh, it's above the waist. - As far as he knows. - Yeah, Phee is gonna, do you know how far it spreads? How much do we need to cut off? - You're asking Vels? - Julie. - Yeah, Julie. - Julie, it looks like it's just contained to your hand right now, it is spreading, I would imagine if you cut it off at the wrist, it should be fine. Understand that it's not a guarantee, I'm operating completely on assumption right now, just from what I've read and it shouldn't have affected the rest of your body, but I just want you to understand that this isn't an exact science here.

- What is? Look, we can order our fucking choices. - Yeah, what is science? - No, like, what's an exact science? This is magic. There's very little science in this world. - True. - Our options are you kill yourself, you become a vampire or die or something, or we might circumvent all of that by chopping your hand off. So worst case scenario, you'll die without one small bit. - Yeah, yeah, cut the hand off, get everything done with. - Valis is going to pull out that small blade he used to stab Darmak and the kidneys. You realize this is going to hurt a tremendous amount, right?

- Use the big sword, Valis. - That has the Darmak's blood on it, it'll probably just infect him even more. - Did you wash it? - And he puts it away and pulls out the big broadsword. - You don't wanna use a tiny little knife and stab it off? - Can we like get a cleric to like make something that'll numb him a little bit? Or can we at least get him drunk? - Oh, you can get him drunk. That will thin his blood and- - Can Una knock me out? - Oh, actually, yeah, okay. - Also an option. - Just take him out into the backyard. - Let's do custom, come on. - Pump him in the back of the head a little bit, it's fine.

- Okay, you'd, okay, okay. - Roll an athletics check to knock Fi out. - Okay, Fi, do you want me to knock you out or do you wanna get drunk? - I don't drink, so. - I'm not a cleric, I can't promise this is gonna be a few. - Doesn't drink, so he'd rather be concussed. - If there's any time to start, I'm just, whatever. - Okay, I'm- - This is gonna be one hell of a hangover anyway, so. - May take a few. - All right, you guys are out in the yard, you are surrounding Fi. - Okay. - And Una, go ahead. - 20, crit, yes, thank God. - God damn. - Sweet, everything went swimmingly, he didn't even bleed.

- Just perfectly tapped him on the back of the head gently and whoa. - Well, Una would have to rear back and really lay into Fi to knock him out in one shot. - That's so nostalgic. (laughing) - This would be like a training yard too, this would be like where they duel and like- - I remember when you beat each other up. - Hang in the swaddling. - So Fi just took one hell of a shot to the head and he just goes down, just like, ugh, just down. Valis is going to kind of like flip him over and just like spread his arm out. Oh boy, I hope this goes well. - Oh fuck.

- Oh no. - Yeah, I'll just like hold on to Fi's arm, like to keep it still, that'll give me a plus. Also to be in the way. - His actual body? - If, yeah, if his actual body. - Well, how far, okay, wait, how far, okay, you realize that that would mean you take a broadsword stroke to the back. - I've got my shield on my back and like, if it does go wrong, you know, whatever, it's a broadsword sword, it's not gonna kill me, it'll be fine. - Oh. - Fuck you, Valis, come on. - We should have used the little knife now that he was passed out. - Fuck. - Oh, okay. - Valis swung a little wide.

And instead of cutting, instead of cutting Fi's hand off at the wrist, he cut a majority of Fi's arm off above the elbow. - Oh my God, Jesus Christ. - No, just like, - Pay attention. - If I'm holding onto it, like if I'm holding Fi's wrist, does that mean my arms are in the way? - Well, okay, I was under the impression you were like blocking, like you're, okay, so you're just spreading it out. - I was kinda like holding his arm steady. - Well, this would have been like between, like if you were, if you're spreading your arm, like and he's, like I imagine he wouldn't be swinging around your back, really, he'd be in front of you. 'Cause that would make no fucking sense whatsoever.

- Yeah, that's a good point. - Luna, if you did Martyr's blessing right now and just took some damage, could we try this again so that he can get his arm cut off properly? - Oh, that's not gonna bring his arm back. - Okay, just talking. - The damage is not the problem. The problem is that he cut the whole fucking thing off. - Well, the way I always pictured Martyr's blessing is you would jump in front of it. So like before the arm got cut off, you'd just be like, stop that, you stupid T-flame. - That's actually kind of a chance. - But it's not an attack.

- Okay, okay, okay, can I see that he's rolling and like since I'm right there anyway, like I can, can I see that he's swinging badly and like, 'cause I'm right there anyway, just like kind of like whoa, and like shield up, like no. - This would all take place in a quarter of a second. Like after the die is cast, it's kind of like, it's not an attack. - Perception at stealth, anything? - I just wanna say acrobatic. She doesn't get a plus to that. So it wouldn't be like ridiculously. I'll tell you what, roll a perception check. If you roll a high check, then you'd be able to see, 'cause think about this, incrementally, he's raising the sword above his head and bringing it down.

By the time it was at a level where you could see, well, that's not right, he would be well on his way to Fae's arm. - I know, I know, I know, okay, perception, crit. - Okay. - That's two crits in a row. - That is. - And one almost crit miss for balance. So you can see, okay, Una sees where that is not, it's like, well, that's not quite right. So roll, roll in, I would say that's an acrobatics check to move in the way of this. Now again, you are kneeling. - Okay, yeah. - And the blade would be on its way. So this would have to be a fairly high roll. - Really?

I'm like, I'm crouched on top of Fae to begin with. - Right, but you'd have to like, okay, okay, you would still have to like be able to move in the way of the blade. You know what I'm saying? - Can I do athletics or does it have to be acrobatics? - Acrobatics, I would say 18 or higher, you're fine. Right, which means you definitely see it coming. - Okay, fine, I'm rolling acrobatics, okay. - 18 or higher. - 18, you just wanna chop his arm off. - I don't, but I'm trying to be realistic about this. Like this would all take place in the-- - Fine, an eight, there we go, okay.

(laughing) - We didn't like, think of it this way, the higher the cut is, the less likely it's infected Fae. - Very true. - So the more that we chop off, the less chance there's some still evil mojo in his body. - Okay, yeah. - Better safe than sorry. - I'm glad he's unconscious for this. - That's probably a good thing. - So Fae's arm just above, just above the elbow here, is gonna be severed and Valus is gonna give a look like, oh shit, like that was not my aim. Like his jaw's just kind of like, like just after it happens, like if you and your siblings are fucking around the house and break a lamp and you're like, oh look at each other, like oh, like we're in trouble, shit.

That's kind of the look Valus is giving, just, oh. - Okay, I'm gonna like instantly lay on hands, Fae, heal the arm and then like jump up and just like shove Valus, like the fuck. - I'm sorry, I was a little off. - You chopped off a whole unnecessary joint. - And he's just kind of like, he's kind of peering around Oona to look, ugh. - John C is gonna say exactly what I said out of game, which is the more arm that's off, the more likely the disease will spread to infect Fae. - He's gonna be so mad. Just like, just like walking over here to Fae like, ugh.

- I really am sorry, I'm not usually that inaccurate, but I'm used to, you don't know that yet. - I am used to swinging at things that would be swinging back. - It's a stationary object. - Oona, you made him use the big sword. - Fair enough. I thought it would be faster. - It was fast. - It was fast. (laughing) - It was so fast, you couldn't stop it, see. - Oh God. - All right, let's just get Fae up to bed. - What do I do with a hand? (laughing) - Hand slash arm. - We have a new back scratcher. - That's another hope for the garden. - Valus is gonna come-- - I've got evil infecting it.

I don't think-- - Kind of, well, yeah. - Jesse, can you cast some sort of fire thing on it? Just burn it here? - Sure, I'm gonna cast some sort of fire thing on it. I guess this could count as its own. - You know, I actually don't have many fire spells that aren't dailies. I'm not using a daily on a hand. Can we just set it on fire normal? - Valus just reaches down, I'll take care of it. Again, I'm sorry, I'll tell Fae that when he wakes up. And he's just kind of shaking his head like that was fucking stupid. He's mad at himself, and he's gonna take the hand and kind of traipse off to get rid of it.

- He's gonna stop by Hallmark, pick up a card. Sorry, I chopped four of your armor off and I meant two with a cat on it. - The cat with a little hand in its mouth. - I had a hand, but I eat it. - Give cards to Fae, yeah. - Love it. - Another one that just says sorry for the penis violence. - The cat with a little penis in its mouth. All of them are a cat with something in its mouth. - Sorry about your dead mother. - There's like a noose in the cat's mouth. - Sorry your mother was hung at the traitor. (laughing) - A little noose in its mouth. Okay, I'm done. - Well, let's say that Fae wakes up a little while later with a nasty bruise on his head and almost no, I'm guessing this is his left arm, you said?

- Yeah. - Is Fae right or left-handed? - I never actually decided. - Ambidextrous. - Let's flip a coin then. Let's see, let's roll a one D four. One or two, he's right-handed. Three or four, he's left-handed. - I would say you should roll something six-sided and then he can be ambidextrous. - Okay. - It's a better chance. - Yeah, I know that. So one or two, he's right-handed. Three or four, he's left-handed. Five or six, he's ambidextrous. Man, he really wanted to be left-handed apparently. So that was his good hand, man. That was his, he was left-handed and that's gone now.

So Fae would be waking up and probably groggy and Valis is gonna be hovering over you. Just like, he looks concerned. Let's just, he's real, he feels real bad about this. Like it's totally not what he was trying to do. I imagine the rest of the group is in the room too. - Oh yeah, definitely hovering too. - Okay. - Is there, sorry, really quickly, is there a way to send messages in Theria that we currently have access to? - Yeah, sure, there's like a post-awful, post-awful. - It's really awful. - It's super. - Sucks to work there. - Send the hand back to Asher.

- Well, I was thinking while Fae was asleep, Jodzia is gonna go and send a message to the person in Winterhaven that she knows or knows of. - Okay. - Telling him that they're coming and that maybe he should get started now. - Well, I mean, the way that that works is you would probably meet the message there. - Mm. - Like it moves about as fast as what you would be moving. You're moving on horseback. You'd have to take the same roads as them. So like it, you know what I mean? Like you maybe get there before the message. It's more if you're not heading in that direction.

It's like, oh, I'm gonna get word out. - Okay, nevermind. - Okay. What would Fae's reaction be to? - Fae would probably wake up and go, hi, how did it go? And just like, as he says hi, just kind of like lift up his arm to wave and then she'll be like, what the fuck? Seriously? How much? I thought they said the hand. - Valis is just grimacing. Like he's kind of, he's got his hand like up over his mouth. Just like, like he's, he's, he's like, he's, tieflings don't really have beards, but I mean like he's just like, like he was stroking something for comfort.

Like just this face and chin. It's like, like he's so uncomfortable, but he doesn't say anything right away. - Look, Fae, we weren't sure how far the infection had spread and Valis aimed a little higher to give us some wiggle room. And I, a little bit more came off. - If I wink, I get a plus one. 17. - 17. - What is, what's Fae's passive insight? - Where, where, what's? - 21. - Yeah, okay. We fucked up. - Maybe I should have gotten a real doctor then. - Dr. Valis, we'll see you now. - Okay, what have you cut off? (laughing) - Dr. Valis is cut off. - I've got a cold.

- What do you need cut off? - We'll cut the, we'll cut the cold out of you. Where is it, your chest? And yeah, Fae's just gonna look at Ina, like huge sigh and shake his head and just go, that is safe and sorry, I suppose. - Oh, he's believing the lie to be nice. (laughing) I'm so sorry, Fae. - Valis is, so he's gonna kind of like reach down and it was a clean cut. Like he's trying to make it sound like, it's like, well, on the bright side, like he's trying, I'm very sorry. I definitely owe you. I can at least help make sure that you get some sort of prosthetic replacement something.

- See, if you wanna learn to use the other hand, at least temporarily, there's really no better place to learn than from people here. This is the Temple of Kord. Literally everyone here is a warrior of some sort. I'm not sure how much that helps, but. It's not the fighting that will be affected as much. Have you ever tried to pick a lock one handed? - I usually just break the doors down. - Yeah. Yeah, well, there's two components to picking a lock, one in one hand, one in the other. So don't know how that's gonna go. - When we go to Winter Cave and we can talk to the person who makes your new arm, there might be a way.

- Sounds good. - In the meantime, I can open any doors that you need open. I, it seems the least I can do. - He's gonna smirk a bit in this guy. Thank you. Much appreciated. - Valus looks like genuinely like, like he really feels bad about this. Like this, it's just kind of like looking down. It's like, ugh, like he feels really bad about this. - Let me ask you guys a question here. The last thing it looks like we're gonna get to do today is get you out of Esther Holt. Now, are you going to stay a few days and try and get Fee some sort of like training or are you just going to get ready and take off and try and make it through that border, that border check?

- Whatever Fee wants, honestly. Yeah, Fee has no reasons to like stay around here training and stuff. He'd rather just like go back on the road up to Winterhaven. - Okay. - All right, then I guess the next question is, how would you like to try and get through this checkpoint? - At night. - Okay, so you're waiting for nightfall. So this would be your second day in Esther Holt and then you're on the road, which by the time you got there, it would be towards dusk. So total so far from Esther Holt here is about two days. So now let's, are you trying to stealth through or are you trying to like get the jump on someone?

How would you like to do it? - I would say like kind of get the jump, like sneak up as close as we can get without being seen and then like jump on our horses and ride through as fast as possible fighting if we have to. - Okay, so you are going to be taking your horses here, which is going to hurt the stealth check a little. - Oh God. - 'Cause well, horses aren't quiet animals. - Yeah, I remember the last time we dealt with horses and stealth. - It worked out really well. - Yeah, definitely. - This is just my stupid fucking plan. Like it's just what it would do.

Like anybody has a better plan. - With Thallus we work in a path that he fucking stealth checks anyway, so let's just go. - Well now hold on a second. - He's got a stealth of three. So he's pretty, no yeah. - He cut off a dude's arm earlier. - Yeah, that's more what he does. You know what's fucked up? He has an athletics of 11. That was a shit roll, man. - It was a two. - It was a two, it was. - Awesome, all right. - What, how would you like to do it? Like you're just going to sneak, you're like, okay, would you at least like to try and stealth in and get the jump on somebody? 'Cause if you remember, there are like 30 guys there.

- Can we perception check, see how many people are out there right now? - Sure, I would recommend it. - I got 16. - Are we all doing perception? - Yeah. - Yeah, 16. - It's 21. - 17 for Vals. Okay, up ahead. There are, it's more of a base camp type of thing, plunked down in the middle of this road. So the road itself is surrounded by tents and patrols. Now, what looks to be happening is that there seem to be two patrols out on watch. And it looks like each one of those patrols have about six people in them. And they are patrolling either end of this camp. And then you're imagining in the center are people who are either sleeping or just off shift, something like that.

To get any closer, you're gonna have to roll some sort of stealth check though. - Should we like create a diversion? - Yeah, Phee, how about you fire some arrows? Oh. Too soon. - It's the best way I can think, like create a diversion. They run over to check that out. And that gets at least rid of one group for us while we make a break for it. Or do we just slaughter them all? - We are down one men, so. - We could just like barrel through, just like. - You absolutely could. - Should we try a diversion or should we just go right for the fuck for it? - I was looking for like a flame ball or something like that.

I don't really have anything like that. - Ooh, hold on. I have a sonic spark. One flammable object that isn't carried by another creature, in fact, you cause the target to catch fire. - Sweet. - Perfect. - That is exactly what we want. - Tree or a person or. - Instead of not carried by a person, I think a person is carried by a person. - It's a soul, no. - So you are gonna light something on fire as a diversion. - Yep. - Neat. - One of the tents maybe, so they're busy putting it out. - Yeah, that could totally be doable. - Yeah. - God, we see a shriek of somebody on fire as we ride away.

- You know there's just gonna be one tent filled with children for no reason because. - We can't take care. - Hashtag, just saying. - Blame the DM, I know, I know, it's fine. It's not like I ever give you guys a choice in the matter or anything. - Never, absolutely never. - I'm joking, I love it. All right, yeah, if we could pick up, like if we could pick the tent that's like the furthest away from whatever trail goes through it, that way there. - What's the range on this thing? - Range five. - Gotta sneak up there. - Yeah, you gotta roll a stealth check. - Well, see, you can do that.

- We'll have your horse ready for you. As soon as we see a tent go up or as soon as we see fire or we hear shouting, we'll sprint towards you and heave you up onto one of the horses. - Okay. - I don't see what could go wrong. - No, of course not. - You know what, so much shit has gone wrong that I think something has to go right. - Maybe this will be flawless. Everyone put your characters right in this region here. So here's what we's gon' do. - There's one guy that already looks like he's on fire. - Yeah. - Kind of. (laughing) And then you got tents kind of aligning, actually, hold on a second.

- It makes it so much worse that it's like right next to like the really like stoic like. - Yeah. So then you got tents and stuff. Okay, yeah, that is, I don't know if that's anger or fear or what is that? Okay, Fi. - Channel Fi on the bridge. - Okay, so I need, okay, so I think the best way probably be me to stealth that way to these trees and up this way. - You're looking at two stealth checks. - Yep. - Okay, so here's the first one, 25. - 25, gorgeous. Fi, even with one appendage down, maybe it makes him lighter because he expertly stealths his way across this field, across the road here and into that set of trees.

And your objective is in sight. You just need to get a little bit closer. - Okay, so and then stuff up to, I think that's in range. There, that's in range. Okay, and then another stealth, 29. - 29, you are a fucking ghost right now. You are undetectable. Go ahead and make, that's just an ability, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it lights fire. - Yeah, so you are going to set that, one of the tents on fire here. And the soldiers on the far end are going to kind of go into panic mode as soldiers are flooding out of that tent that's on fire. Like it takes a couple of seconds and then it goes up pretty quickly.

So these soldiers are all gonna start kind of like crowding around it and they're beating it with blankets and they're doing whatever they can to kind of get these, to get this fire under control. But they are pretty thoroughly distracted. Now, the ones closer to the group are moving towards, towards the blaze, but they haven't completely abandoned their post. It's more like kind of looking in concerned. But they are, they're kind of minorly distracted. - Can I move kind of back over towards these trees? - Yep, make another stealth check. - 50, I'll go crit one.

- Okay, so just start sprinting back, look at the horses. By the time, if we've seen the tent on fire, we are on the horses and they are moving fast. - I'd expect that like, Fi would start sneaking and then as soon as he realized that he's not as, yeah, yeah, it's like, he's just gonna flat out pelt it. - All right, so as soon as you start, as soon as you start moving and it's making a bit of noise, one of these, like one of these archers is going to kind of spot you and is like, hey! And he's gonna make, he's gonna make an attack against you real quick, just firing an arrow at your general direction.

It's gonna miss, so you're good. All right, here's what's gonna happen. Fi, ooh, okay, Fi's gonna make it back to his horse. Want you to do me a favor and roll an athletics check minus, give me a minus four because you're missing a hand. - Well, I figured that one of us would be riding on his horse and pull him up. - Okay. - That worked well last time we tried to help someone onto a horse, so. - Okay, well that was a little girl trying to help a giant monster. - With a dagger in her hand. - With a dagger in her hand. - That was mean. - He's the one who got stabbed, how is he the monster?

- Okay, he's a giant fucking demon creature. - He just got stabbed in the arm, someone else here. - Okay, okay. - Has some more intense arms story. - He's not an expert surgeon, okay? The guy didn't go to med school, that's not his fault. He didn't get the opportunities that some of the more wealthy tieflings in his neighborhood got. (laughing) - Okay. - Okay, so who, okay, who's gonna be the monster? Who's gonna be doing the assisting then? - Nope. - What kind of check would it be? - Athletics. - I've got plus six, Valis has plus 11, so probably Valis. - Okay, oh come on, Valis please.

- Make up for it, this is your redemption. - What happened there? - How did, how do you see Valis? I can't see Valis' stuff. - Just from the one before where he got a two, but it was like a 13. - Oh. - It was bad. - You like have memory and shit? - Wow. (laughing) - It was a pretty rememberable, rememberable roll. That makes, like dunce. All right, so. (laughing) Fee's gonna come sprinting out of this tree line and Valis is going to offer a hand to, to Fee. - He's still got Fee's hand, just throws it down. (laughing) - I saved it for this joke. (laughing) - Valis is a dick.

Okay, here we go. Yes! - Thank God. - 27. He's going to clasp Fee's hand and just like yank him up on this horse. I imagine all of you are making, now here's the problem. They did see Fee sprint into the tree line and then to a horse and you guys are saddled up and you are on your way through. So you will have to deal with this contingent of them. At the very least, the archers make it like taking pot shots at you and yeah. - That's okay. - Okay. All right. So here's what's going to happen. I'm just going to roll against each one of you here. And what they're going to do is they're going to try and down your horse, but horses can take a little bit of damage, so let's see what happens here.

Longbow shot. Yeah, okay. - So who's, okay. Jadzia, you're on your own horse. I'm on my own horse and Valis and Fee are showing a horse? - Yep. - Okay. - Yeah. - And Valis has got one of those big ass, beefy horses. - Yes. So does, well Jadzia, or I'm sorry, Una doesn't. She's just on her own. So two regular horses and two, one of those big fucking Clydesdale type of horses. This should be fun. Going right down the line, let's start with Jadzia. (mumbles) 28. - What's that against? Everything, it doesn't really matter. - Well, it's against your horse. - My horse, right, yeah.

- Yeah, and your horse is kind of a separate entity and that's, yeah. We're going to see how much damage that does in just a second. And let's see, Valis and Fee, 18. That will miss the horse. Looking for 21 or higher, by the way, I'm just letting you know. And Una, 16. So that will miss Una's horse too. So, Jadzia is getting hit. Now-- - If her horse dumbles, I will, I will like, I'm going to slow down if I see her horse get hit. - All right. We're not just leaving everybody that falls. We're not doing that again? - No. - Now it's the Overwatch that has to interrogate and they have a version of Bree and then it's just, people realize we've run out of ideas.

(laughs) So here's what's going to happen. All of these archers are kind of firing at you guys. So your horse has been slammed with a couple of arrows here. If the damage is over 20, then that horse is going to stumble and go down. (laughs) - Fuck me. - Is it over 20? Is it 20 and over? - It's funny, it's-- - Always in favor of the roller. - So-- - Fuck me. Fucking bitch ass horse. (laughs) - Lay on hand while I'm running past the horse. - We've been through this. - No, I know, I know, I know. - We've totally done this before. - Wow, okay, Jadzia, put your character right in this vicinity here.

- Wonderful. - She can't do an acrobatics to like not get trapped under the horse or something. - Yes, actually you can, roll an acrobatics. - All right, one moment, let me put my character back. I got rid of her. Acrobatics. - If it's 18 or higher, then you're going to be able to-- - It's not. So wait, now I'm under my horse too, I'm not just like down. - Well, like you're kind of still in the saddle, but like one of your legs is definitely like trapped and probably crushed under this horse. So you're going to take some damage. - Delicious. Fuck, yeah, I'm going to jump off my horse and like tell Jadzia to get out.

- All right, Jadzia's going to take 15 damage right off the bat. - Fuck. - Just from the fall and your horse is dead. And I would say everyone else would be putting their characters right in this region here. Like once you see Jadzia go down, it's going to take you a couple of seconds to like stop. 'Cause Valis is going to stop, he's not going to leave her to die. Okay, I guess everyone roll initiative. Hold on a second, let me add you to initiative tracker. - That horse's name was Pinkie Pie and she was my best friend. - If it was Rainburt, that shit wouldn't have gone down.

- Definitely not, no. - Ah-hoo. - Jadzia, your turn. - I was tipped off by the fact that a horse fell on me, so I knew we were about to fight. (laughing) So what's the check to get out from under the horse? - That would be athletics. - Oh, it's my favorite. Okay, wait, let me check all of my dice cheating stuff. Blackhearts, charm, and dark ones unlock, okay. Athletics, a six, that's not going to help me at all. - No. - Do I want to use the dark ones unlock so soon? That's where I get to re-roll, guys. - Is that a check or just? - It's a free action. - But I mean, can you re-roll on a check or is it just?

- You make a roll, you dislike. - Oh, well then, okay. - Attack roll, skill check, ability check, or saving throw. - Okay. - No one knows? - That is up to you, someone's going to have to come assist you either if you don't. - All right, I'll roll again. 20. - 20 will do it. - That was worth it then. - Yeah, you're going to wriggle your way out from under this horse, just kind of like squeeze your leg out from underneath of it. You are still very much prone. - All right, I just used my miner, so. - You could use your move, I guess, to stand up. - Move to stand up?

- Move to stand up. - Move to stand up, and there we go. - Okay. - I'm up. - And that would be Jadzia's turn. - Man, I'm not concealed at the end of my turn, that makes me nervous. (laughs) I don't like it. - Let's see, Overwatch Soldier is going to motion towards Jadzia. And what's he going to do, what's he going to do? He's going to use his long sword. And that will hit Jadzia. That will do 11 damage. - Una, your turn. - Okay, fuck this nerd. You know what, let's be terrifying, and win for your assault. We'll get to attack Overwatch Soldier 5. All the while, like screaming at Jadzia to like get on my horse and go.

Misses him because cocks. That's unfortunate. Nothing I can really do. - Well, I guess I'll pop divine challenge on him then. - Are you moving or you just want to? - Oh yeah, sorry, I'm going to go here. - Let's see, Overwatch Archer 3. Going to move down and use his longbow against Jadzia. Oof, that'll hit. - Fuck. - 22 damage. Well, oh wait, does it automatically do damage? - Yeah, you took off 11, didn't you? - Yeah, I did. - So you're not that bad. You're still bloody, but not quite that bad. - Didn't I take other damage? But I was supposed to give that one.

The damage from flying the horse, I did give to myself and that was good. All right. A bit less close to death. Good thing I picked that feat. Yeah, actually that's probably a good idea. Valis is going to move down towards Overwatch Soldier 5 and oh man, something good, something good, something good. Let's see who's twist the knife, fuck it. Encounter power and he's flanking. Suck it, dick. Crit one, all right. - He twists the knife in himself. - I mean, come on, why is he cursed? - He's distracted. - Yeah, he still feels bad about cutting off the last shitty thing he did.

Nah, action point, I gotta use an action point. That's just-- - I forgot action points existed, fuck. - Yeah, they totally do. Great sword attack. Broadsword, yeah. That'll hit and-- - Almost crit. - Two. - 11 damage, okay. - Three, your turn. - Okey dokey. Okay, I have first strike, which means I get combat advantage against any foe that haven't acted yet. So I am going to charge Overwatch Archer number one. Is that just a melee basic attack plus one? - Yes, I believe so. - What is the plus for using the weapon two handed? 'Cause there's a bonus on that, isn't there?

- I wanna say it's plus one. - I think it is. - I wanna say plus one. I'm sure Merlin will correct me in an email. 'Cause I suck at remembering stuff like that. He's very good at it. - Okay, well, let's just say it's plus one and we will-- - Ignore that. - Yeah, ignore that penalty. So I charge up to him and make the melee basic. And that misses. - And that'll miss. - Rud. - That's everything. - All right. - Overwatch Soldier four, let's see. One, two, three, six. He's gonna whip out his long sword and swing at Jatsu. That'll hit. Nine damage. (sighs) - God damn it, I should've popped divine bodyguard.

Fuck. - Overwatch Guard, Overwatch Soldier six is going to move towards Fi. I'm gonna use hobbling strike. That'll miss, nevermind, it's okay. Overwatch Archer one. Oof, okay. He's gonna use his short sword against, no, actually, you know what, he's gonna shift back, use his longbow. That'll hit. 23 to Fi. - Okay. - I guess that's a five, okay. Don't know why that didn't enter. And then we got, finally, it's Overwatch Archer two who's going to shift down and then fire his longbow at Fi. That's a hit. 20 damage. - Okay, everybody get on your fucking horses. Like, we're not fighting, we're just, get on your fucking horses.

- Chantie, your turn. - Fuck. - Make a break for the horse. - I feel like I should hit someone first. - Don't, don't do it, just run. - They're gonna give opportunity attacks and I'm gonna go down 'cause I only have 12 hit points. That's two opportunity attacks. Even one of the hits, they could down me though. - Couldn't you, you can shift one space away from them and then make your move action. - True, also I think I have like some teleport thing that I should have remembered last time too. - Let's do this too. Let's say that this area here is where your horses are.

So that's where you'd get to saddle up and try and ride out. You have to get to them first, of course. So for those of you at home, that's about, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, seven or eight spaces away from most of the party. - See, I'd feel guilty running when I'm the one who made everyone start fighting too. - Well, everyone's screaming at you to run. - True, okay. Then it's okay, and your turn if you can please. Where's the teleport thing I have? Sniper die hard. I swear I have a teleport spell because I found it last time when I got bit. - Ethereal slide, you teleport three squares.

- Oh, where is that? - It's a red one just under dark ones in luck. - Oh, I was looking at my notes, oops. - Oh, okay. - Thank you. - Is that okay? - There it is, yeah. All right, you can teleport three squares and then you gain plus two barrow bonus to all defenses. Encounter, oh, it's my move action though, damn. - Yeah, but you can reduce your standard action to a move action as well. - Oh, true, awesome. Okay, so I am going to, and is a shift a move action as well? - Yes. - Yes. - Okay, so I'm going to just teleport 'cause that gives me three, and then it kind of is like a shift where they can't hit me, right?

- It has to say that in the power, it should be, let me see here. Teleport should just be a teleport like they can't touch you. Ethereal stride, you can teleport three squared. Yeah, you're fine. - Cool beans, all right, one, two, three. And then I'm going to fucking run. One, two, three, four, five, and six. - All right, so Jadzia has made it to her horse. - Like the little bitch she is just around. - Overwatch soldier five, well, I guess he's going to go ahead and use hobbling strike on Una, which we'll miss. - You're stuck like dick. - As a minor action, no.

- As a minor action, gets on his knee. (laughing) - Well, that's it for him. Yeah, Una, your turn. - Okay. - Does Una have a teleport? - I do not. I should have not used Windfury Assault 'cause I could have just used that to like sprint away. But let's see. - Don't you get a plus to your move action if you're running? - I doubt it. - I don't think so. I think I'm slow as fuck. - That's a charge. - Charge, yeah, nevermind. - I'd like to charge not at somebody. - No. - Charge at your horse. - Fuck you, Amel. No, okay, let's see. I don't really, I'm not really afraid of invoking opportunity attacks.

So I guess I'm just gonna like scream at everybody. Like, fucking come on. And yeah, I guess I'll just run. That's just a move action, right? I can turn my standard action into a move action too? - Sure can. - Okay, I guess I have to do that because my speed is five. - Yeah, well you're wearing full plink and a shield, so. - Three, four, five, six, and I'm made for the horse. - Okay, two opportunity attacks. That's a hit. That's a miss, so. We'll take 14 damage. - Cool. - Okay. Overwatch Archer three. I guess it's just Valis and Fi left, so longbow attack. That'll hit damage 15 to Valis.

Valis is going to start to, hmm. - Sprint, bitch, sprint. - Do that teleporting thing where you hurt people. - And fire step or something. - Yeah. - Yeah, yep. - But don't hurt the horses. - Yep. - Please. - Just burn the horses to a crisp. Oh fuck, oh guys, I'm so sorry, just like. - I am just not in the right head today, guys. Dropping the ball. - We've been going through some stuff lately and it just. - I didn't get enough sleep, first of all. Valis is going to use fire step and teleport, hmm, damn. - How far can he go with that? - He can go five spaces, but he wouldn't just leave Fi there.

- Oh no, no, Fi. Yeah, Fi can get out and he was the closest one to the horses anyway, so. - Right, so it'd at least be a thing where Valis kind of checks over on Fi, like you got this? Like kind of a look. - Yeah, go, go. - All right then, fire step. So he's going to burst into flames and then disappear and then appear directly in front of Oona and Jadzia and then use his second move action to get to the horses. Get to the choppa. Fi, your turn. - Okay, so unbalance and trick, I can shift up to two squares. So that gets me to there. And then my move action, reducing my standard to move action gets me to my horse.

- All right, now here's what's gonna happen. We're gonna finish out this round. And then on each of your turns, you're gonna get to make a check to get out of here. Does that sound fair? - Yep. - Okay. Overwatch soldier number four, one, two, three, four, five, six. And then he's gonna use his second for that. So they are closing in around you, but you will get a chance to kind of escape, kind of flee. Six does the same thing. One is going to fire a shot at Una with his long bow. That'll miss. Two is going to kind of shift up and do the same with Fi. That'll miss.

Jadzia, your turn. Do me a favor and what is an appropriate check here? I would say it's athletics. I would say it's athletics. - Yeah. - So, okay, I imagine who's riding with who? 'Cause I would imagine it would have to be, you're down a horse now, so there's only two. - Jadzia can ride with me. - Oh, there's, wait a second. One, two, so there'd be three. Yeah, there'd be two horses left. - Yeah, two horses. - So I guess Fi is gonna ride with Vals. - Yep. - Okay, so. - 'Cause Vals could help him with the athletics. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so we'll have it so that you can aid each other then.

- I got 22. - Okay, then you're good. You're up on the horse, you are solid. You are the first one on that horse. - Right, is that a standard action? - Yes. - All right, I wanted to see if I could hit someone. Oh, it was, but okay. - Overwatch soldier five is going to close in and take a swing at Una with his long sword. - Don't miss. - As a minor action, I'm gonna flip him off. - Una, your turn. - Okay, athletics check, right? - Yep. - Now's not the time to fuck up, Una. 25. - Gorgeous, you are kind of riding back here as Chancey is gonna steer the horse first.

- As a minor action, I am going to flip him off then. - 25, he's gonna climb up on this horse. He's ready to go, Fi, your turn. - Okay, athletics. - Yep. - 22. - 22, gorgeous, everyone's on a horse. Everyone is going to start making their way out of here now. We're gonna finish out this round. If they don't down one of you by the end of this round, then you will have gotten away. - Can I divine bodyguard my horse? (laughing) - Well, at this point, let's see here. These guys are close enough that they could just stab at you. So Overwatch Soldier 4 is going to use his longsword attack and try and stab at Jadzia.

- Una, catch me. - Yeah, you're gonna have to catch me. - Okay, yeah, if she gets hit, she's not gonna fall off, right? I'm gonna be able to get her, right? - She'll be more slumped in the sea. She's down at two health. So Overwatch Soldier 6 is gonna do the same thing. - Ooh, that's not-- - At Jadzia? - At Jadzia. - What a little cunt. - Well, she's hurt and she's steering the horse. That'll hit. - Yeah, my guys. - Okay, I'll be all right, I'll be all right. - 12 damage, that brings Jadzia down to negative 10. - You're gonna be okay, it's fine, don't worry. - She's just kind of slumped over the seat in this horse now.

- One, two, three, four, five, six. Archer number one is going to run up front and try to head you off at the pass. And he's gonna fire a longbow shot at Fi. That'll miss. Oh wait, hold on. Oh, that'll really miss, nevermind, it's a super miss. I got a bonus, but that wouldn't do any good. Let's see here, two is gonna do the same thing, fire a longbow shot at Fi. That'll hit. Damage. - Valus has got to do this, oh my God. - 26. - 26, damn. - They got quick damage, almost. - Valus has got to do the same thing, like just keep him upright. - Yeah, just hold him on.

- Oh my God. We're out of here, right? We're out of here this round. - The only problem being, Jadzia was the one steering. - Okay, look, it's really easy to reach over someone and grab them, right? - I know, I know, I wasn't, calm down, I wasn't trying to cripple you guys, I'm just saying you're gonna have to reach past her bleeding body to... - That plays in our favor, 'cause I won't fall off. - That's true, right, you're hugging her close. - She's tiny too, she's like 100 pounds. - All right, here's what we're gonna do. That was the end of that round, so all we're gonna do here is we're gonna roll a quick, like a saving throw check.

Like if it's 10 or higher, you guys are out of here. You're fine. If not, you're gonna stay for another round. So Una and Vallis are gonna roll one of these. So just roll a flat D20, that's all. As long as it's 10 or higher, that's all you gotta do. - 14. - Okay. Oh, Vallis. - Don't fuck up, Val. - No! - God damn it! Damn it! No! - Well, now we can't leave. - Okay, action point. I'm gonna roll another one just in case and grab the reins as I ride past. - Means we gotta do another round. - Action point, action point. - Action point his roll. - I can... - Gentlemen at home.

- No, I'm done, no. (laughing) - Not how it works. (laughing) We have two bleeding, dying people on horses. We're getting the fuck out of here. - Ladies and gentlemen at home. In the true spirit of Vallis Grimnus rolls, he rolled a one. So Jadzia, your turn. - So a flat D20 for... - Yep. - Wee. - Oh my God. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Ladies and gentlemen, in the true spirit of... That's another crit one. - I'm gonna use, 'cause if I get under three, three times in a row, I die, right? - Yeah, well, if you get under 10, three times in a row, you die. - Fuck, okay, well, I'll just take it, whatever.

- All right. - It's a lucky charm and heroic effort, myself, but fuck it. - God, I can't believe this. - One more soldier, number five, is gonna use his long sword against Una. And that'll hit eight damage. - Whatever, I'm a tank, I don't give a fuck. - Una, your turn. - Oh my God, okay, can I just like slam Vallis's fucking horse in the ass and just get to move or something? What do I do here? - There's a very good chance that he'll fall off if you do that. - Okay, well, what do I do? Like, do I just like grab the right, like what do I, what's my check? I don't know.

- I mean, like you've, it's at the end of the round, I'll just have you make a check. But right now you might wanna defend yourself a little. - Okay, fuck everyone. - Shit, okay, lay on hands, Jadzia. - Okay. - I'm guessing that would help a little bit. - She'd be conscious. - That would be nice. - That's a minor action, so minor action, lay on hands, Jadzia. - So I get up to zero and then I use a surge? - Yep. - Awesome. - Okay, she's back alive, fucking. - This is not going well. - So angry, okay, you know what? I don't care about popping dailies. Gonna turn around and yeah, okay.

Screw it, martyr's blessing, or not martyr's blessing. Where is it? This is a nasty one, martyr's retribution, there we go. - Oh God. - Gonna just swing for number six, I guess. Doesn't matter really. - All right, get your cameras ready. - This isn't gonna hit, I'm too pissed off, but. - Hit? - Okay. - Jesus Christ. - 58 damage, and then on top of that? - Oh, he's dead. - Oh. - You liquefied his brain, like he's done. Like he's, he just, like you hit it, like from the top of your horse, you kind of bring down this hammer and just crack his skull wide open, and he just falls back dead, dead, super dead.

- Oh, well that's, I have a free action where I can do more damage. - You have to get off your horse and mutilate his corpse too. - Yeah, can I just cut his dick off and then just like shove it into his brain wall? - With a hammer, that's how hard you hit him, you cut with a hammer. - Anyone ever seen "The Hills Have Eyes?" Just. - Can I roll an intimidate check to like just having bashed this guy's brains in to like yell at his other two companions, like don't you fucking move or something? - That's a standard, so no. - Oh, bummer, okay, well. Do I have another miner left?

- You gotta move. - Gotta move action, can I do more move action to a miner? - No, well, yeah, I guess, well, hold on. You've already used your miner, no, I don't know, so. I don't believe you can. - Yeah, I thought it was. - In the books, it's a standard can go down to a move or a miner and a move can go down to a miner. - Yeah, I thought it was trickle down theory. - All right, okay, cool, then go ahead. - Okay, cool, in that case, I will use divine bodyguard on Jadzia. - Okay. - Thank you. - Overwatch Archer number three, well, now that opened up a spot.

- I'd really like to live long enough to just like hit one person, please. - I haven't had a chance to do an attack. - All right, that longbow shot will totally hit Una. 15 damage. - Okay, let's get out of here pretty soon, guys. - Valis is going to, Valis can't really do anything. - Roll a fucking saving throw, get your ass out of here, you bitch. - At the end of the round, that's what we're gonna do. Same thing as we did last time. - I don't, there's nothing Valis can do right now. So, Fae, your turn. - Okay, so I have to make a- - Why doesn't Valis try to intimidate them at least a little bit?

- I guess he could. - You know, Valis could try to get number four and five to back off. - All right, yeah, fuck it. He'll roll an intimidate check, he's good at that. That's something he's pretty good at. What's his intimidate? 10, all right, that's pretty good. - Valis, if you will fucking like- - Tawasz. All right, so he's just gonna kind of like, just like growl and yell at them to get back. And they are going to take one step back each. Not that that does a ton for you, but at the very least, I mean- - It's like when the kid helps with the shake and bake.

I helped. - Thank you, thank you. So, death saving row, 18. - 18's good, you are stabilized. Overwatch Soldier 4 is going to step forward again. And he is going to use his long sword against Jadzia. That'll miss. Jesus. I guess, let's see, Overwatch Archer is going to use his, is going to move there and use his long bow against Una. And that'll crit. 28 damage. (laughs) God, this sucks. - We should have just tried to fight. Like, what's really fighting in the ass is that like, we keep trying to run, so we can't fight. - Well, the longer we spend fighting, the longer that the other guys who are also in the camp will come.

- True. - Overwatch Archer number two is going to fire a long bow shot at Una. That is going to miss. - Can we leave yet? - That is the end of the round. Dog wants to leave too. We'll wait one second to... - God damn it, Valis. God fucking damn it. Now, this is how it's going to go. I'm going to tell you how it's going to go. I'm going to roll and I'm going to miss it. - He'll hit it. - And he's going to roll and he's going to make it. And then we'll just trade this off until we're all fucking dead. - Are you, did he roll a fucking one? - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Okay, good. I saw the one from the last attack. - Motherfucker, did you roll one again? - Go ahead and roll a d20 there. Okay. - Okay. Can it be either me or Jadzia who rolls it? - Yes. - Okay. - Yes. - Okay. Nine, so Jadzia please. - All right. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's you or Jadzia. - Oh, I thought you meant like either one of us. - You asked me specifically. - Can I assist? - Okay, let me explain. I thought it was going to be either me or Jadzia can roll the successful one. It doesn't like, it's not like... - Oh. - It's holding onto the horse sort of thing.

- Well, no, it's the person driving, which would have been... - It's not gas pedals and wheels. - No, I understand that. But it was the person like holding the reins. I'm saying it is the... Driving okay is the wrong word. - We can both be holding the reins and it will work equally well. - I understand that, but that's the person making the check because they're holding the reins, you understand? - Okay, well, I did not, I was not aware. - Can I assist? Because it is a nine. All I need to do is get her two more points. - Okay. - Flat D20? - Yep. - 15. - Okay, so that is a successful check then.

And Valis is gonna roll. - Oh. - Oh God. - Oh my God. - 19. You guys are going to escape. Do you know what would have happened if you would have failed that time? I would have had the rest of the people in the camp come and help. - Yeah, we would have died. We would have all been slaughtered. - Yeah, definitely. - I would think that that's a pretty good time to stop for the day. - I feel so unsatisfied. - We didn't do anything. - We just chopped off his arm and then almost died. Like that's it. - We unburied some bodies and then we buried them again. We went through the library and we cut off a new fan.

That's literally all we did. And we almost died. - Yes, you did almost die. Fee is still slumped over the fuck. Just like bouncing as this horse carries you away. - I am very grateful I took that Fee. - Fee's had a rough day. - Fee is literally marked with the martyr's like Christendom type wound in his hand. Not anymore, I guess, but he was. - God. Let me tell you guys what's gonna happen next week. - Okay. - Next week, everyone listening at home, we're gonna do something really, really special. And I urge you to check out the fan page 'cause we're gonna have more info on it there.

But we're gonna do a very special live group three episode. Tyler is gonna be doing something a little different and he's gonna host a pre-show for it and just chat with fans and stuff and listeners. And then we're all gonna come on and do our thing and the band will be getting back together, except for Scott. He'll be there, but he'll be doing his own thing. So there will be a reunion of sorts this next episode. And I don't know how that's gonna go, but I do know it'll be live and you can kind of interact with us there. And then after that, Tyler wants to do like a little question answer type of thing, like a little like a "Talking Dead" type thing where we actually take calls.

I have no idea how or if this is all gonna work, but that is the plan. So that'll be next Saturday. The pre-show thing I believe is at five and our session would start at six. That's Eastern, so 6 p.m. Eastern Saturday. So that'll be, what date is that, the 10th? - It's not Mother's Day, right? - No, the next day is Mother's Day. Yeah, I don't think we're doing anything Mother's Day 'cause it's Mother's Day. - At the very worst, I might be like five minutes late because we close at four, but they don't allow us to lock the doors when we close. As long as there are people in there, we still have to accept customers and it can take up to an hour for some bitch to find her glasses sometimes.

So. - That's all good. - I might be a little bit late, but probably not. - It's all good. Anyone who's ever showed up to a group one live session knows what to expect. We never start when we say we're gonna start, ever. And as long as Tyler shows up one time and not 45 minutes late, like sleeping, like I don't see where we'd have a problem. That's mean, he's doing this. But yeah, I think it's a good time to stop everyone. - Awesome. Anyone wanna say hi to Jamie real quick? - Hi, Jamie. - Hi, group three. - Hi. - Hi. - Jamie's about to play in a few minutes. - Yeah, I'm really excited.

Anyway, here you go, Bri. Sorry. - It's okay. - You guys sound related locally. - When we were playing that practice game, Jason got us confused. - Dude, I seriously argued semantics with, wait, we just discussed this. I don't understand what the problem is. Like, no, that wasn't me. Bullshit. That wasn't, they sounded so alike in that moment that, yeah. - She was able to break into my voice activated diary when we were kids. - That's just being a good spy, like at that point. (Bri laughs) - Yeah, I don't feel like we've done a tremendous amount in this particular session.

- I don't think so either. It's kind of like a necessary like step, unfortunately. - Oh yeah. - Because the world is so big, like we can't just appear where we wanna be. - No. I should probably go get something to eat 'cause I haven't eaten all day. I really should like grab a bite. What, man, like you don't do the same shit. You always chastise me for the same things that you do. Oh, you don't get any sleep. You don't either. Yeah, well, you're an asshole. It's like, I did the same thing. - I reserve every fucking right to be a hypocrite. I'm going to a liberal arts school.

If I wasn't a hypocrite, I wouldn't survive. - I'm just saying that's a pretty tall horse you're riding. That's all. - Ha, horse, I get it. Because they just ruined our lives. - We probably would have gotten away better if you were just running. - You know what? We probably would have. - I want it to be this thing where like, like for whatever reason that Dave Ellis was a complete fuck up and just like. - Well, canon wise, didn't Brandon just break up with him? Like, you know. - Oh yeah. - He's kind of being a little emotion about it. We're all right. - Well, he's pining.

- Sorry, my mind's not all here. I just saw your arm took the ball off for that. - No, I have an extra. I had a girlfriend and you know. So I'm still kind of myself. - I'm fucking on. I know, like. - It's been a real tough week. Like I. - Oh man. - I really thought we had something special. - I gotta say, he's gonna look so fucking bad ass pretty soon. - Oh yeah. - Wouldn't that have? That's gonna be so cool. Do we have our dragon armor? We picked that up last time, right? - Nope. - No. - No, Artemis would have been working on it. So it should be pretty much complete by the time you get back.

- Dude, if we could get his fucking arm inlaid with like dragon scales, how fucking sick would that be? - That would be bad ass. So have you like already written up rules for like war forged arms? 'Cause this is one of the things that I was thinking about regarding just like D&D and war forged in general. 'Cause I think in 3.5 you could like upgrade war forged. So like you took a feat to like get new legs or get new arms or stuff and they give you bonuses. Yeah, so it's like well, could that be implemented on a non war forged? - Well the thing, okay, well that doesn't really work for the war forged in theory.

Just because that's not really how they're made. Their parts aren't interchangeable. - Yeah. - Yeah, but this I'm thinking more, I'm thinking a little more Bruce Campbell. Like it'll be a robot hand. Like it'll be kind of a bump to your strength. It'll be kind of like it is literally like a robot hand that you'll have. - Yeah. - So I mean, this will be pretty bad ass. Like this is, and then like if you wanted to, I suppose you could get it interrelated with dragon scales and shit. - So how does Fi control that? Is that through like some form of magic? - Oh, it'll be, it has to be, see that's the thing.

Anybody could make you like a gauntlet like that would be able to like fit onto your arm, but like it needs to be interlaced with magic to bind it to you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, but like is it the magic within the arm that binds it to me and makes it do what I want it to do? - Yes. - Okay, cool. - Well, I'm gonna let you guys go 'cause I'm gonna grab a bite to eat and then I got a session to prep for so. - Neat. Survive, Jonathan. - Yep, I'll see you guys later. - See ya. - Bye. - Bye. - Bye.