Get the joke mister?

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(Coughing) (Cock cocks) Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s**t. Um... (Clears throat) With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV Plus on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me.

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Make sure and send us any emails with any criticisms for the show or anything you'd like to see. Suggestions for topics for GMT, all that good stuff to DNRpodcast@gmail.com. That's D-A-N-D-R podcast@gmail.com. And we hope you enjoy today's show. Let's do that thing where we go around the table. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Bri. Hi, I'm Brianna and I play Jadzia, Grace, the Star-Packed Warlock. And Kat. Hi, I'm Kat. I play Fi, the Changeling Thief. And Izzy. Hi, I'm Izzy and I play Una, the Half-Elf Paladin. And Justin.

Hi, I'm Justin Massey and I play Jarek, Ironhide. It is so weird to have Justin in Group 3. I'm not used to it yet. I'm sure it won't last. Why won't it last? Are you leaving this Group 2? My character is. He's done. Well, yeah, it's true. He's got robo-cancer. You have Electra Gunneria, the noisy killer. Alright. Last time in the show, you guys parted ways from Group 1. And you decided to take Brianna's body and Kord's gale. And you were leaving Winterhaven Hall. There was some debate about who should have that sword. Everyone pretty much let Una take it, though.

And she said she was going to be taking it back to the Temple of Kord in Esterhold. So, leaving Winterhaven Hall. Do me a favor, everyone make a Perception check. 21. Perception. 21. 17. Not the lowest. 16. Yeah. Where's Valus? Oh, yeah. We forgot him. Shit! It was fine. We gotta turn back. We gotta go get him. 'Cause his perception's legendary. Let's roll this. Well, shit, dude. Oh, shit! Well, there you go. You get to make fun of him. Okay, he rolled the highest perception. Okay, well, that's weird. Okay, Valus is the only one who's going to notice this. But there are bystanders kind of standing around Winterhaven Hall as you're exiting.

And they're kind of pointing and whispering to each other. But no one's approaching you yet. But they... Valus is going to kind of lean over to Jadzia and let her know. Like, he's just kind of pointed out. They're very curious. Like, you're carrying a dead body. It appears as though you're carrying a dead body wrapped up in a tavern. And the tavern is already stained with blood. So you're kind of making a scene. Walking past? I imagine we just keep walking, like... 'Cause, like, some of us don't realize this, so we're like, "Do do do do do do!" Just walking through.

Do they look violent? Like, do they look like they're going to stop us anytime soon? It's more curiosity, but it's causing a stir. It's causing a stir. Like, you walked into Winterhaven Hall and walked out with a dead body. That's a pretty big deal. That's calls for alarm. So I imagine the people that aren't aware of the staring and whispering are just going to keep walking without breaking stride, right? I don't think there's a way we could defend ourselves in this situation that wouldn't take, like, six hours. So, unless someone stops us, I'm going to keep walking.

Yeah. Yep. And then someone stops you. [Laughter] Kill 600 bystanders. Fight Winterhaven. [Laughter] So, no one actively tries to stop you, but, again, it's causing a stir. The more you walk past people, it's kind of garnering more and more attention, even on your way to the gates of Winterhaven itself. So, you're basically walking through the city holding a dead body, and it's definitely garnering some attention. Do you have horses? You do. They're just outside the city. Okay. But to get to them, you're going to have to go through the gates, and to get through the gates, you're going to have to speak to the guards.

This is going to go well, I can tell. So, there is a half-orc guard that's going to stop you as you approach the gate. There's kind of like an airlock system that they have. So, there's a smaller gate and then a larger gate beyond that, and the half-orc guard's going to flag you down. What do you have there? Who are they talking to? Us. Yeah, who? Everyone. Just in general? Yeah, this will be-- yeah, he's just flagging the group down itself. Well, it's called a warforged. No. Oh. Shit. I guess Jadzia will step up, because I don't think Una's in the right state of mind to be diplomatic at this point.

She's going to say, "This is the body of our friend, Breanna Embelmier. We are taking her to the clerics." He's going to take a step forward here. And the other guards are grabbing the hilt of their sword, just in case. She died in the city? Ooooh. Your king killed her. He's not a king, he's a lord. Lord. I keep making that mistake. Your lord killed her. Can we stop her before she says that? You can-- yeah, go ahead. Because if we say that, then they're going to say, "Okay, why? And what happened to him? Oh, we killed him." But like-- Oh, don't worry, he's dead.

Yeah, we killed him. Okay, yeah. So, if you want to cover my mouth or something, we can do an athletics check over that. I'll scream real loud or something like that in the mic, and that'll break everyone's conversation. Alright, uh... Just do the anime, crossing your hands in front of you, and be like, "This is the world!" Go ahead and roll an athletics check, Jess. Fuck. Oh, wait, I'm actually athletic. Bam! I'm not, so... What is that, double digits? I, uh... I trip and break my arm. Eleven beats nothing, that's... You get nothing. Um, as you-- okay, so as Jadzia's saying that, Valus is going to, like, you can hear him groan just behind Jadzia, kind of looks like, "Oh, just..." So this guard is going to notice that there's fresh blood on top of what Jadzia just said.

And there's going to be a look of concern that kind of crosses his face right away. Who killed this girl? And I'm sure fairly soon, your town is going to gather you all up and explain everything that's happened much better than I can. Right now, we have to focus on bringing this girl to a cleric. Will you let us by? Should I do a diplomacy check? I would do a diplomacy check. Natural 20! Nice! They're going to bring us to the clerics on a red-- a nice red carpet. [Laughter] Um, he's going to start looking behind you, just to see if there's anyone following you or chasing you.

And seeing no one, he's going to take a second look down at the girl again, and then motion for the other guards to open the gate. And as the gate starts to part, he's going to step out of the way. Get rid of the clerics as fast as possible. I hope there's something you can do for her. And Judsy is going to say thank you, sir, and bow her head a little bit, and we can be on our way. Yup. Yay, I helped! I think that's the first time a diplomacy has gone my way, ever. Well, you absolutely needed it, so that's good. Um, just on the outskirts of the city. Just outside the gates, actually.

You're going to hear this-- actually, go ahead and roll a perception for me, everyone. 21 again. 25. 20! 15. Okay, everyone except for Ironhide is going to notice this thwack, thwack, thwacking sound. And looking over in the general direction of this noise, it is the sound of dwarves pulling the heads off of Dead War Forged, and then slapping them with their hammers to see how far they can make them go. You can also hear some very terse conversation going on between the dwarves and minotaurs. And then just to the right of the gate, you're going to see a very small clutch of clerics keeping to themselves.

It looks as though they're kind of sitting down to a small picnic lunch type of thing. Oh, this picnic is going to go badly for them. Oona loves ruining picnics. Stomp on their sandwiches. Fuck your potato salad. We spent three days making a potato salad. Three days! Seriously, you've got blood all over my dress. Okay. Stride up to the clerics and lay Bree's body down in the middle of their picnic. Oh. That'll make them want to help us. Fuck. All of the clerics stop eating. And they're kind of looking at the body you've placed in front of them. And one of the clerics, kind of an elderly looking man, kind of a wispy grey beard.

Child, is there something we can do for you? Which one of you can cast Denter Oppose? I know it's a spell that you guys have sometimes. We need some time. I can assist you. That won't do anything but buy you a few more days, you understand. That's why I'm asking you to do it. He is going to kind of lift up the tabard just slightly and see that there is a sizable hole through this girl's midsection. May I ask what you'll be doing with the body afterwards? I'm just going to stare at him blankly, just look into his eyes. Just silence. Very well. Can you give me a few minutes alone with the girl?

Fair enough. And he's also going to ask the other clerics to just kind of like, "Alright, scram. I need a few minutes of silence here." And this cleric is going to go into kind of like a meditative state, it looks like. And after almost ten solid minutes of this, you're going to notice this glowing white aura kind of come from his hands. And he is going to kind of touch Bree's shoulders. And then he is going to kind of like lean forward like, "Whew, that kind of took a bit out of him." Alright, the deed is done, but again, you understand that that won't bring her back.

I'm aware of that, but thank you for your service. I'll toss him a couple coins. He's going to kind of like lean his head down real low, kind of bowing to Una. And then he kind of signals the clerics to come back. You can kind of tell that maybe this guy is kind of a slightly higher Mucky Muck than the other ones, because they seem to kind of snap to when he speaks. I'm imagining you're picking Bree back up. Yep. Can I do an Arcana check on her? You can, sure. I hear them. You're not sensing anything magical coming off of Bree. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Nothing that you should be alarmed about. No. Can I do religion? Yeah, sure can. You're probably more of a religion than me. Seventeen. You now have four days to do something with Bree's body. Her soul is essentially locked in stasis. It will not leave her body, but that also, like he said, will not bring her back. So when the four days is up, that's it. It'll be as if the normal 24 hour rule applies if you're trying a resurrection. But yeah, you have four days instead of one. So, like, the soul's still in there, so I mean Jatzia could like set it on fire or stab it and then like get the soul out that way?

Or is it just like it's in... I think that only works if I do the killing blow. Like just beating up a dead body I don't think does it. No, that's just cruel. It's not even necessarily that her soul is in her body, it's that it's tied to her body. It's still on the other side. So it's almost like it's somebody hitting pause. Right, exactly. Okay, so it would just be cruel to punch her or stab. Yes. I'm not arcane, alright? I'm not a wizard like you guys are, so I'm just trying to bounce ideas off the wall right now. See, I wouldn't stab her. No, no stab. Alright.

I'm writing this down? No stab. Desecrate the dead body. Gotta write that down. Guys, let's just all remember, no desecrating bodies. Unless they're Darmok. Unless they're Darmok or somebody we don't like. Which is 95% of the population. No desecrating 5% of bodies. It's either you like them or you hate them strongly. That's... What would you guys like to do? Roll out. Get away from those fucking dwarves. I guess at this point, Chazia would ask Una what she is planning on doing. Look, I bought her some time so we can bring her back. There's a spell, a blessing.

Paladins can do it, but I've been way, way too weak before this. If we go to the Temple of Kord, there's some sort of ritual I can go through or something, and we can bring her back. Jason, for Jodzia, would that be a history, religion, or arcana for that ritual? You can do history or religion. I will do history. 18. Okay. You're catching an inkling of what she's talking about. You vaguely remember a book you may have read at some point that details paladins of Kord can go through at your right. Where they would essentially fight the angel of death to prove that they're worthy enough to possess the spell of resurrection.

It's a way of Kord's followers weeding out the weak. The idea being that only the strong will be able to pass judgment, and they would most likely bring back strong people. Okay, can I roll another history check to figure out what I know about death angels? That sounds like something I'd like to know about. History or religion, go ahead. 22. The angels of death are essentially the guardians of the other side. They are tasked with ferrying souls from the living world to the world of the dead. In rare instances, like what Una is proposing, they're actually used as a form of trial.

If you can beat the angel of death in combat, then you've proven yourself worthy. The problem with that is, it's basically suicide. The percentage of people that come out of this alive are infinitesimally small, and the ones who do make it out alive seem to be emotionally scarred by it. I think Jadzia would probably look visibly frightened by this idea, but she'd probably just bite her tongue for the moment. I'm just going to get a little bit closer to her, and kind of lower her voice. You don't look too good. I don't want to drag you into something that you don't want to do.

Do you think this is a bad idea? Una, I know she meant a lot to you, but the chance of you making it through this battle, you can't just trade your life for hers when you're not even sure she's going to come back. If this was about me, that would be a great argument. But this is not for me. She is the bravest person I've ever met. If I let her die, my faith is completely compromised. If you believe she was the bravest person you've ever met, and you worship the god of bravery, don't you think that maybe she's gone somewhere better now? I don't know. When I die, I will be with Kord.

But she didn't worship him. I have to give her a chance to go where she belongs when she dies. Where she is now, I don't know if she believed in any god or worshipped anything. If I let her go, she might just vanish into nothingness. I'll come with you to the temple. Thank you. I'm glad. Do Fi or Ironhide have anything to say? We weren't a part of that conversation at all, right? We didn't hear any of it? Were you whispering, or was it... No, no. Just keeping my voice, not shouting like it usually does. They could totally have heard that. Do Fi and Ironhide know the context of the battle?

You would not, unless Jatsuya would like to share that with you at some point. Okay. Fi's gonna go up to Rina and say, "So we fighting for Brie's life. You know I've got your back." I'd like you to carry the sword. It has to be your turn to the temple. But until we get there, the bravery that I saw you act with in the fight and with Ian, I think you deserve to wield it. At least for now. If you want. Thank you. You honor me with such a weapon. Cool. I will hand Fi the sword. Actually, can I make a Perception roll on it? You sure can. Awesome. 19. 19. Okay, gripping the sword, you're gonna notice a few things.

One, the second you touch it, you're gonna feel like a nimbleness, a grace that you've never felt in your own body before. It feels like you could run a thousand miles and it wouldn't wind you at all. Secondly, this is the lightest sword you've ever held in your hands. It is gorgeously decorated, but it's not all gilded and frilly. The etchings in it are a little more angular. They're etched with the symbols of wind and everything, but there's a sharpness to it. And the whole thing kind of just feels right in your hands. It feels like it was made for you.

Thank you. I'm gonna swing it around a bit. Obviously nowhere near towards people. But yeah, so yeah, just admire it for a bit and then smile at Luna and put it on my person. You know there's a really good chance that she could just come back wrong if she comes back at all. Honestly, I don't know much about this ritual or the rite. I have no idea what I have to go through to get the power. I have no idea what the power is going to do. But the resurrection that I've seen seems similar to what I might be able to get, and it seemed to go tolerably well. Fe can attest to that.

Yep. The entire time, Valus is just kind of staring at Luna, as she's explaining what she'd like to do. He's already made his objection known, and he's just kind of standing there. Just kind of narrowing his eyes, just listening to her speak, but at no point does he object again. Do I notice that? Roll a perception check. Yeah, I notice that. Yeah, you would notice that. Okay, I'm just going to look up at him and just kind of narrow her eyes, not as much as he would be doing. And just say, "Okay, look, air your grievances. Don't just sit there and fucking glower.

Use your words, bear trap." Oh my god, that's adorable. Quote my tweets. Aw yeah. I actually loved that one when I saw it. It was like, "Bear trap." That's cute. I did too. I've already told you this was a bad idea. What else do you want me to say? Why do you think it's a bad idea? What possible objection do you have to this? It doesn't affect you at all. I've witnessed something like this firsthand, and it didn't go well. How did it go for you? I was hired to protect a man who wanted to bring back his wife. We ended up visiting a blood mage. We ended up bringing her back.

There was something off about her. The man seemed oblivious. That night we laid down for camp, and she ended up slitting the throats of three people while they slept. They killed her shortly after. He's just staring at her the entire time. Who was the blood mage who brought her back? Have you ever been to Donhurst? Nope. There's a very old elf who lives there, in a castle on a hilltop just above the city. I don't know if the rite you're about to go through is anything like that, but if it is, I would suggest abandoning it right now. This is holy resurrection.

This is resurrection blessed by the gods. This is not blood magic. We've had enough of blood magic for now. We're going to have to do something to help Sir Ironhide, but this is not going to be like that, I promise. He seems to think that over. Then he's going to look over to Jadzia. She didn't really offer up an objection so much as a concern. After a few seconds he's going to nod his head. I'll help you any way I can. I appreciate it. We should probably get going. Alright, I imagine you're all mounted up. Riding south. You're going to have some options here soon.

I don't know what the lesser of two evils is, but we're going to find out. So firstly, you have four days. Jarek has eight days to live. There's a problem. Normally Jarek would not need sleep. The problem is he's dying, and a few of the things that made him oh so special, like he would have to power down for at least four hours a night. Essentially he has to sleep like humans. Ew. That's gross. You do realize that, Jason, the normal human sleeps more than four hours a night. Yep, six. What are you trying to say? I'm trying to say that you're fucked up. Oh, okay.

I thought four hours is a pretty good amount. Let's not have this conversation. Fair enough. I imagine you're riding as fast as you can, but you will need to take breaks. You will need to stop eventually. First thing I'm going to ask you is, what route would you like to take? You could just ride straight south from Winterhaven, right through 10,000 Horns, right through White Wolf Valley, and then just kind of veer off and head east at the last minute and try and go between Black Rock Mountains and Blistering Peaks through the checkpoint that you left before.

Historically it has gone so well. Right. So we're going to Don Hurst, right? The other option is to go all the way around, go through Aubrey and Durn Hollow and through the Deadwood, through the Divide, around the Blistering Peaks, and then come up the other side. Yeah, that sounds like it's going to take a long time. If you rode as fast as physically possible, you still might not make it in time. It would be to the wire. You would need a lot of luck on your side. On the other hand, the last time you left that checkpoint, that didn't go so well either. So while one may be the path of least resistance, it will be completely time consuming.

So that's a choice you guys are going to have to make. How much longer would it take to like, when we get to the trail ridge, we just kind of deviate from the path and go up the Blistering Peaks and go around that entirely? You mean climb the mountain itself? Well they're peaks. I mean, we don't have to pick the highest one. No, but I mean, if you... Dragging a corpse up a mountain. Right. You're still essentially... We can be like El Boy. Sorry. So... Tired of your back. If we're actually roleplaying this map viewing and stuff like... Well you would have a map.

Someone would have a map. I can't go to Dern Hollow. Bad things happen when the last group and me went there. Yeah, we know all about that. That's true. They told you. I think if we stop off in the Evergreen, we have to pass through that anyway, right? Nope. No? Oh shit. No, that's way on the other side. That would be a deviation. There's the Deadwood and Pyre Forest. Does anybody have a map? Because I have one, but it's a ground and a tube. I actually have one. I just got one. Winterhaven is up there by Ivory Peaks. Took me a while to find Winterhaven. I thought it was over by Esterhold.

It's not. We can go through Dern Hollow and then just go south. You just said you can't go to Dern Hollow. I was saying we can go around it. There's a point where we just go straight rather than doing that whole curve around Dern Hollow. Winterhaven, Orbree, around Dern Hollow. We have an alternative of going down round Odysseus as opposed to going through the path. That is true. That's really close. These not dotted lines, but the wiggly lines, those are rivers, right? Right. There is a river that cuts through the mountains that probably means that that's the path of least resistance through the mountains.

So we go through a river. I think our best bet if we're going to the lovely city of Esterhold is to just go the shit route that we took last time. It's kind of sucky, but it's the fastest way. We do have to go past Dern Hollow, right? We could just cut over that river and skip Dern Hollow entirely and save a day. If that's a thing we can do. I'm not sure. It wouldn't save a whole day. It would tack a little time on because you're not taking a road. Okay, never mind. The roads are the quickest way to travel. Anything else? You're going through fields and things.

Oh right, and you have horses. That's where all the ambushes are on the roads. Because people know that it's the quickest way. You know what would help? It's a dragon. Can we get a dragon? Yeah, can we have a dragon? Last time I gave a group a dragon it didn't work out so well. I'm going to stop playing if we don't get a dragon. Actually yeah, let's all go on a boycott. Unstrike. We're boycotting DNR until we can get a dragon. Ah, never mind. Well, sit here and just chicken yodel until you give us a dragon. Act like I won't post that in the feed. I'd say we just take the most direct route.

Because the more time we take for Bree, the more time we also take for Ironhide. Okay, so we can't use that spell again. So we can just go to Albre and just have them... It's a one time thing. Can we buy a cart? And maybe we can all hide in the cart except for Una who has the best bluff. And Una can try to bluff our way through. This time without anyone being tied up or anything. I want to check. You can do the cart. The cart is going to be slower than riding just regular horses. Okay, I have an idea. We get a cart in Durn Hollow. That way it's a little bit... we have a faster route for a while and then in Durn Hollow we slow down a little bit.

And then when Una tells her little bluff, say that there's a highly contagious disease and there are zombies in the back. And we can act like zombies and we'll get through and it'll be fine. Una has the highest diplomacy, I have the highest bluff. Yes. Okay, well you can both be up there. I hope he's a zombie. Not to metagame. I will remind you all that they recognized you the last time you were through. Right. This time Fe has a metal arm. That changes him completely. You have a war forged. I still have the old forge armor. Yeah, but this time he has a metal arm, but last time he had no arm.

Last time they saw him, he didn't have an arm. He must be a different person. Una's covered with tattoos. Una's incredibly recognizable. She's thug life. Valis is a tiefling. Valis is also very recognizable. Incredibly recognizable. I'm the least recognizable person here, aren't I? Yeah. Let's just prop Bree's body up and work its mouth like a puppet. And it can be Una rolling the bluff rolls. Weekend at Bernie's, that's what you're... oh no. Hey, Samma, I could be anyone. As long as they have a metal arm. That's true! Anyone with a metal arm. Yeah. Take the form of Edward Elric and we'll get right through this.

Oh, that's true. Fear. Fuck. Ah, yes. Okay. Well, yeah, that thing we keep forgetting about, even though it's the main point of your character. The cornerstone of your character. Yeah. We used once and then just never fucking used again. Dude, they'd probably let you through. Especially if you have us in the back and you're like, "Dude, I'm taking these motherfuckers to answer for their crimes in Esterhold." Why would he... see, that's another thing. Why would he bring us away from... That happened last time, remember? Where they were like, "Why are you bringing him away from Overwatch?

That's stupid." No, but we could say that we committed crimes in Esterhold. Because they let us through, kind of, last time. And then we ran back fee minus an arm. Or one of our party members. So, it might work. See, the thing is, we still have to hide Phallus and Una somehow, because you're both very recognizable. We can always just set everything on fire. But that's a little group one. It'd be a nice way to welcome Ironhide. Does this make you feel more at home? We did do that last time we was going through. Sure, we did. That barely worked. Like, two people were distracted for like five seconds, and then...

I feel like sneaking is our best possible thing. Yeah. So we have a dead body. Sneaking is our least possible thing, because we have Phallus. A sick warforged. It is kind of a conspicuous party, but if we find a way to hide everyone... I did put that armor, like, way back in like, episode 17, I think it was. Or something like that. Like, I still have the red armor from the... I do warforged. Oh shit. Someone hide inside Ironhide. Get in there! Not a bad idea if we're doing a prisoner's kind of thing, to have Phe looking like somebody else, and... Una can... Una or Vallus, probably Una, could hide inside of Ironhide.

Not inside of him, but Ironhide can ride next to Phe as like, kind of like a bodyguard. Okay, are you being serious about hiding inside Ironhide? I kinda am, because Una's one of our most recognizable people, but then if she needed to fight, she'd have to crawl out. How, how what? Out of his mouth, like... Wait a second, how large do you think Ironhide is? He's 50 feet tall. That's why I didn't say Vallus, because that wouldn't work. Una's pretty small, like she's tall, but she's kind of slender. Right, but you're still wearing full plate armor, and he's...

You can take that off. Ironhide's not hollow. Get naked inside Ironhide. Just blend her up and pour her... I was about to say, I think you think he's Bender. Like, that's not... I thought he was, like, Alfon Zellrich, yeah I did. Yeah. That was mostly magic. Yeah, I thought he was mostly a suit of armor. No, he has, uh, like he is made of wood and metal, and like he's pretty dense, actually. That's why he's 600 pounds. Right, that's a good point, yeah. Okay, okay, what was his thought? Wood-carved organs. Okay, but yeah, the Ironhide sitting beside Fi thing works.

Uh, two problems though. If Fi's gonna pretend he's somebody important, then why are we traveling so far away from Overwatch? Well, I guess he can't be someone too important. Though Carter, we know for a fact, goes on missions other places. Why the... okay. We know that, right? We know that? That wasn't metagame, was it? No! Okay. No, you know that. So, like, Carter could be going to Esterholt to sign a treaty with someone or something. Oh my god, wait, making Fi look like Carter? Oh shit. With a metal arm. He would have to know a lot. Oh, well, if he's wearing clothes and, like, gloves, you can't tell, you know?

Yeah. And he wouldn't have to know any... I'm Carter, I don't have to tell you anything. Fuck off. Yeah, but then again, why would Carter be in, like, just driving a wagon with, like... What if we say, though, that we have one of the leaders of the White Ravens, and she's just right there, it's like, "I'm gonna get the fuck out of your way then, sir." That's a good point, for like, "Hey, look, this fucking..." Well, why would we take a dead body to Esterholt? That's something you take to Overwatch, to like... With proper up to their stick, and... That just raises further questions.

Because then we'll just say, like, "Because shut up. I'm out of my way." Yeah, but that's gonna be a high bluff check, because that's kind of unbelievable, you know? This is gonna go well, I can already tell. Okay, we got this dragon idea. Someone said something about a dragon earlier. I feel like we keep coming back to that. We can turn it into a dragon. No, how about we have Fi turn it into a dragon? That'd be cool. It can be a human, right? It has to be the same size, basically. Okay, we turn Fi into a human-sized dragon, and then he sets everything on fire.

He doesn't gain the powers and abilities of the thing. Let him have this, alright? Come on. We turn Fi into a wagon, guys. Choo choo! Let's go! Fi's a Transformer. He's kind of a lame one. Oh, god damn it, this isn't good. I say we just get a wagon, we get some fucking supplies or whatever, so we, you know, like, you know, barrels or some shit. Can we just like, charge through? Like, not even trying to be sneaky, just in the middle of the night, just *vroom*! Fuck you. We could do that. I reckon, yeah, so wagon, supplies, um... Really fast horses. Yeah, um, yeah, yeah, so have like, me and Jadzia up on the front, um, and then potentially hide the other three under supplies in the back.

In barrels, like hobbit style? Yeah, yeah. Some fish on top of us? And we could have the really well-choreographed fight scene. Yeah. Yeah, I think that could work. Um, Jadzia, like, if you, like, hid your face, like, because you have that big cloak, right? Yeah. So it's got, like, a hood, probably. Yes, most definitely. So maybe, like, hide your face a little bit, and feet can look like some, you know, merchant. Just make himself look like, you know, a fat merchant or something like that. Um, oh! Why does it have to be fat? That's not nice. Because it would make sense why he's carrying girls' food.

Um, also, fat people are harmless. Only fat people eat, guys. Just remember that, listeners. Only fat people eat. This is all my food in the backhand. I don't know what you guys are eating, but... Fat people aren't snorkel axes. No, no, no, no. This is just for the trip. This is a good idea. We go to Durn Hollow. We find somebody who maybe makes frequent trips to and from Esterhold. We can't go to Durn Hollow. Orbree. When we pick up the wagon, we're like, "Hey, is there anyone who, like, makes trips between here and Esterhold?" Oh, okay. We find them, we make feet look like them, and then we bribe the guards with, like, a barrel of fish or some shit.

Um, we have the, uh, the... I can't remember his name... Um, the merchant who done the dragon scale armor. Artemis. Yeah. It's true. Does Artemis make his own trips? No, but surely he might be able to get us some transport papers. Or, you know, like, a reason to be going. Oh, right. That's a way to do things. That's a good idea. Where's, uh, where do we have to go for that? Do we have to go to Orbree for that? Yep, that's the first stop. How far is Orbree? It's on the way. Winterhaven, Orbree, and then further down Durn Hollow. Oh, well, fuck yeah, let's do that.

Okay, let's go talk to Artemis. Woo! Good, good plan. You got this. Jason's just sitting there, plotting. I love... I just love listening to a plan come together. I... tweeting. Sick. That's my job, man. So, what are we doing? We're in a carriage right now? Nope. Nope. We're gonna go see Artemis. Yeah, we already made it through the path and everything. Yeah. Uh, so we're there. Yeah. Finally. We were taking a human-like sleep all the way. Aaron Howard just fell asleep in the backseat and was like, "Shh, don't wake him up." Do a little guys talk or... Permanent mark and we, you know, we drew over your face.

Well, I'm ready when you guys are. Ready. You good? Yep. Um, on the road. Let's see here, map-wise. You would be... So, leaving Winterhaven, you're a couple of... you're about three hours out from Winterhaven. Alright. Everyone make a perception check, please. Shit. Ew. Vallas. Nevermind. Vallas. Oh, wait. Hey, Vallas. God damn it. That's weird. Well, Vallas is gonna notice. Vallas is gonna notice two things. One, there is a... there's a figure on the side of the road. There's a figure on the side of the road. There is a... there's a figure on the side of the road. Who is appearing to mount up and she is starting to ride to you.

And that would be Leora. Yes. Shit. Sorry. Oh, fuck. Yeah. So, Vallas is going to point that out towards the group and let you know. There's something else Vallas notices. In the far distance, it appears as though there are several mounted figures coming up the road, but he can't quite make out... he can't quite make out who they are, how... quite how many of them there are. There appear to be at least four or five. It does appear as though they're just riding along. It doesn't appear as though they're riding with too much intent. Towards Winterhaven? Towards Winterhaven.

Okay, they're probably not Overwatchians. And if they are, fuck 'em. Okay, it's time to cast Talk to Dead. I'm going to have to do that pretty soon. So, Leora is going to ride up to the party and she's going to kind of sidle up next to Una specifically with her horse. Does she see the dead body on the back of my horse? She does not as of yet. And she's going to ask, "Is there a place we can talk?" We... And she's going to kind of see the hesitation. It's urgent. We just keep riding. Just keep moving? Sorry, ladies. Just be like, "Well..." and then we're just down the road already.

Act like you don't have control of your horse? Oh, no. Do what it says, you know? Una's face is just like fucking heartbroken, like grey-faced, just staring at Leora like she has no idea what to even say. Leora's going to notice the... She's going to notice the look on Una's face. Wait a second. Why are you so far out from Winterhaven? Did all the Warforge on your end drop too? Yes. And somebody else too. And she's kind of scanning over your party and it kind of hits her that she doesn't see Bree. Where's Brianna? She is like slung over the back of my horse.

Right, but she's kind of... She's like sidled up next to you. She's not looking in back of you. Like she's... Like she came to you with... She's thinking she's going to drop a revelation on you because all the Warforge dropped. And she's excited to tell you this and she wants to kind of get a report from your end too and then this. Okay. Una's just going to take a deep breath. Would you like to speak with her? And the way you said that... That's just fucking mean. That was kind of... I don't know how to like... I don't want to pat the dead body and be like, "Here she is." You know?

I don't know how to deal with this. Work your fingers and hands like she's opening her mouth. I was like, "I don't know." Be cruel. Una doesn't know how to deal with that situation. It's not part of the understanding. So a look of relief kind of comes over her face because she thought the worst. Fucking hell, Una. She thought the worst for a moment and then would you like to speak to her? Like it was a little weird the way you said it, but speak up. And she's going to kind of give this half sigh like, "Yeah, where is she? Is she back in Winterhaven?" Oh, God.

No. Look. Brie fell. Ian, we got in a fight with him. He killed Talia. And then he killed Brie. We're taking her to the Temple of Kord to bring her back. That is a hell of a lot to drop on someone. Especially since seconds earlier you just asked if she would like to speak to her. Yeah, I'm not good. This is not part of Una's shtick. She's not good with remorse and sadness. Here's a bread roll. Just slip some bread into her mouth as it's like, "Okay." As her fucking jaw falls slack from shock, you just try and slip a buttered roll in her mouth. Some jam on the end of it.

She tried to force feed Brie like two already. It's like, "She's not getting up. I don't understand." That's her CPR. It's just bread coming out of her ears. She's gently stroking her chin upward to try and... Nom nom. I like it, don't you? It went funny and then it went sad. And then it went funny and then it went sad again. So are we going to end on funny or sad? Oh, we're going to end on sad. So I'll just walk away. Liara still does not notice that Brie's body would be on the back of Una's horse. She sort of disconnects from Una for a second and stares off into the middle distance.

And then she's going to meet Una's eyes again. I'm so sorry. How did she die? The minotaur charged at Ian and he pulled her in front of him. So as you're describing the scene, she's going to kind of clench her eyes shut and just kind of react to it. Just like very... Like she can envision it in her head. You can see where she's... She is very much trying not to cry, but there are a couple of tears streaming down her face already. And she's taking a second to compose herself. And then she's going to give one more look around. And she can see that she's kind of slung over the...

So she's riding against Una, essentially. Like she has to... Liara has to kind of get her horse to back up a bit to be able to space herself up enough to see her. And she is going to immediately jump off of her horse. And pull Bree down from Una's horse. And kind of lay her in the grass. Oh god, yeah okay, dismount. Yep. And it almost seems as though Liara is completely disconnected. Like she's not talking to you. It barely seems like she's acknowledging you. And a couple of minutes go by where she's not saying anything. She's just kind of hovering over Bree's body and looking at her.

And this white tabard is stained with Bree's blood. Pretty much through and through. It's soaked. And after a few minutes of this, she kind of turns around and looks up at... What do you intend to do? There is a right that paladins can perform that will allow me to bring her back. That's what I intend to do. What kind of right? Resurrection. I don't know what the right is. I just heard about it while I was at the temple. That wasn't my speciality. How did Ian die? Jadzia slew him. Did he die painfully? He died on fire. And she kind of gives this half nod in Jadzia's direction, kind of like fucking good.

At the very least. I take it you have his soul? Jadzia's gonna nod. Hold onto that for me, please. Yes. And she's gonna look back towards Una. How much time do we have? Four days. Then let's get going. Would you like to say anything to Bree? Before we go? I'll say something to her when she wakes up. And there's an air of determination or just plain delusion. And you're not quite sure which. Like maybe she's just completely unaccepting of the fact that she's dead? Or the fact that you were telling her there's something that there's a chance that she's... It doesn't matter.

Just let's get it done and let's make sure it's successful. Can I do some sort of check to see which one of those it might be leading closer to? Make a perception check. 26. This is pretty much Leora completely not accepting the fact that Bree's dead. As long as there's some sort of option on the field, as long as there's a chance. And you telling her that you have four days. She is not accepting that. That is not how this is going down and you're going to get her back. That's how she looks at it. Okay, Una's gonna place a hand on Leora's shoulder. This is not a time for hope.

I'm sorry. Determination? Yes. But not hope. She is dead. This is only a small chance. This is the best I can give her. You have to reconcile that with yourself. And she's kind of standing up now. And the entire time she's looking down at Bree. In four days. If we've done everything we can do and she's still not back. I'll bury her myself. Until then. Let's just get done what we need to get done. And she's gonna look to Una. Please tell me it's something at least we can fight. Should I do a history check to see if I know that sort of thing? Or religion or whatever it would be?

Well Jadzi will be overhearing this. She could fill you in. Or yeah, you could do a religion or history check. I think Jadzi would just say it's something you can fight. But I'm not sure it's something you can defeat. And she's gonna kind of nod her head after a beat. Well I guess we'll find out. And she's going to go ahead and pick up Bree's body. And she is going to position it on her horse. But it's not in a sitting up position. It's more kind of slumped over the back of her horse and she is going to tie her to it. L'Ars a woman of business. Yeah, I mean, put yourself in her position.

Imagine fucking Bree's body falling off the back of the horse while you ride hard all the way to Esther Holt. Like it's just... that would be fucking terrible. Like she just wants to get her back. I imagine you're continuing to ride? Yep. Everyone give me a perception check please. 23. 11, fucking Christ. 7. 25, natural 20. I know everything. I see everything. I see all. That was kind of 19. That was gorgeous. Alright, coming up the road. As you continue south these people are riding north. Let's see here. Jadzia will see the most. But Fee will... Fee and Jadzia both see that there appear to be six riders.

All of which wearing leather armor. They don't appear to look like upstanding citizens. Shit. And Jadzia in particular will notice that as the two parties cross paths... There is a man with a thinning hairline. Blonde with a blonde goatee. Who is assessing your party very particularly. And there are two looks that come over his face. One is that general scumbaggy look of "Can I take them?" And the second look is one of recognition. Like he recognizes at least some of you. Can I tell, because it's a 20, can I tell who exactly he's looking at that he recognizes?

Umm, Una in particular. Oh right, because those wanted posters. Who dis bitch? And they're gonna go ahead and they're gonna keep riding past you. But on the way past you can hear this guy lean over and start talking to somebody else in his party. Okay. I guess Jadzia would give Una a look and say they, and like lean in and say "They recognized you. What should we do?" Kind of like "Hey we should probably kill these fuckers." Or at least most of them. Umm, Una's gonna turn around and say "Hey fuck you!" And then she's gonna lean over to Jadzia and say "If they recognize me there's a good chance they hate me and that was well deserved." No they were just talking about how cool you were to one another.

Oh my god it turned! I was like "I was gonna turn you in." So much that. Umm, you're gonna hear the rearing of horses as they turn around. And they're gonna start riding hard towards the party. It's up to you, do you, fight or flight? Umm, not even fight. Just like, what speed are we moving at with our horses? Are we like riding hard or are we just kind of like trotting or what? Well I would imagine this was just after you had picked up Liara. So I would imagine you're getting ready to kind of break into like a full on just race. Like you're gonna try to run but you didn't quite get up to that speed yet.

Umm. I feel like we should tell Liara to go like wait for us in Aubrey. I don't wanna leave Brianna. Would you just cut the legs off of the horses? Like how far are they really gonna chase us? Everyone's already after you, what are they gonna say? We saw her on the road. Yeah she was on the road. Yeah. Like heading that direction like ugh. Heading towards everywhere. I just don't know who they are. If they're bandits and they recognize us from a wanted poster. That's what it sounds like, yes. Is that what they are? Might not be, but that's what it sounds like.

But then we could diplomasize them and just be like, do you really wanna fuck with us? You just screamed fuck you off the back of the road. They're not gonna diplomasize with us now. That was Oona being nice though. Hi, fuck you, we're buddies. Well right now, do they look like they're gonna attack us? Or do they look like they're gonna stop and nicely chit chat for a while? Which usually follows a fuck you. Do me a favor, roll a perception check. Does someone else wanna roll it? Could I mind rolling that too? Can we all roll one? Just to see if they look like they're hating us?

Go ahead. They look like they wanna say something. 24. 27. We know about these guys. Except for Fe. He's the one whose mom needs to beat him. It's sad. Oh god, Valus rolled a 26. Damn. What is up with Valus today? He's wasting all his good rolls before the fight. We don't know that for sure. These guys are wishing you ill intent. They are drawing their weapons and they are definitely trying to ride you down. They are gonna try to attack you. There are a couple of these guys in the back that looks like they're drawing arrows on you. Could just cut the legs off their horses.

Running away probably won't work at this point. We could just fuck off, you know? Just try it. Well they have bows and arrows and the last time someone fired bows and arrows at you while you were on a horse, it didn't go very well. Are they in range yet? They will be in a few seconds. If we don't kick our horses into gear? Essentially, yes. Ok, let's kick our horses into gear. Ok, yeah, I'm just gonna laugh and kick the horse. Gently. You're like a fucking 12 year old. Hey, fuck you! And then ride the way on the bike. And ride. Yep. Alright, what's this check gonna be?

Acrobatics? No. Your horse will cartwheel a little bit. Give me an athletics check. This one? Yep, just an athletics check. Give me a plus two because you're on a horse. For anyone? Everyone. Oh shit, ok. Oh fuck. Hahahaha! Wow! Hahahaha! Did you have to antagonize the bandits? Is that necessary? I did say we should have come- I didn't know there were bandits. I don't know. You didn't roll for Valus by the way. Doesn't matter. 26. 26! You got the best- well no, technically. You got the best one. So I guess we're fighting, huh? Well- See, we're not anymore. Now we're dying because we tried to run.

Hahahaha! Alright. Can we say that I fell off my horse so at least I'm prone on the ground and can get fighting as soon as I stand up? Or did the horse fall on top of me? You rolled a crit one! Which means I rolled off the horse really cool and landed on my feet. Your horse is close. I was trying to say so the entire time but I kept getting interrupted so I will use that. Could have just cut the legs off the horses but you know. How? Let me ask you guys a question. We have fire, we have people who can throw blades. How does fire cut? It burns and they would have fell off their horses and died.

Or got really hurt. That still means turning around, waiting until they're in range. That is a delicate procedure. Well it sounds like they were right there on us. Wait, wait, wait. Doesn't Jadzia have some awesome fire spell that she can throw down right in front of the horses? No, no, no, no. I already rolled the one. You already rolled. Fair enough. Okay, let's continue with this. Okay, okay. Let me ask you a question. I was looking at my spells. There's really only one area of effect spell and it's necrotic damage so it wouldn't have really worked for slowing them down.

It would have just pissed them off. Good to know. What's the cut off for everybody here? What time do you all have? Wait, wait, I am going to re-roll the roll I dislike with Dark One's own luck. Woo! I'm going to do that. Have at it. I also cut off the- Oh my god! So that means we get away, right? Wait, can't you add like four to that or something with your lucky charm? It's a ten. A ten is what I got. Ten's better than six. Okay. I will use heroic effort to make that a ten so I at least don't get hurt before the battle starts. I think heroic effort's just for an attack.

It's not. It's for skill checks. Okay. Or saving throw, correct. Yeah. You are popping heroic effort so that's a ten. I said twelve because you said plus two extra houses. Oh! Yeah, that's right. Oh, I thought you added that. Okay. That's a twelve. Okay. At least it's not a crit one anymore. It's a two. Which is much better, but. Here's what's going to happen. You ever notice that sentence always ends at "Here's what's going to happen?" Always, "Uhh, Una, Ironhide, Jatzia, all of you are going to get struck by arrows." Now, let's, let's, here, wow. Wait, struck or do they have to roll against us?

You're going to be struck. Oh, come on, they didn't even roll attacks. I call bullshit. Uh, that's, that's totally fine. Um, it doesn't stop it, but I mean you can call bullshit. But listen, here's what we're going to do. Here's what we're going to do. Bullshit. Um, if you think that's the worst thing that's going to happen to you in this session today, here's what's going to happen. I'm going to roll a d20. If, if, picture it as a saving throw. Uh, if it's, if it's ten or above, then you're going to be struck by an arrow, but you're going to keep going. If it's below ten, it's going to strike your horse and you're going to go down.

Shit. I'm a horsie. Uh, let's start with Ironhide. Oh! That's a 20. He did a cartwheel and got back on his horse. Uh, for 20, you know what, that arrow's going to clean Miss Ironhide. Yeah, it went right through my rust. Right through the cancer. In fact, it took out the cancer. I'm good now. Uh, let's do Oona. Oh. We can always leave her. Shouldn't we roll our own saving throws? Well, it's not really a saving throw, is the thing. This is just an outcome. Stop bartering. That's what I do. She gets trapped under a horse again. Just let it happen. Uh, 17. So Jad's, you'll be fine.

Oona's the only one going down. That's okay. The horse or me? Well, the horse is going down. Is the horse dead? Uh, the horse is struck in the side and it's going down. It's not enough to kill the horse, but it will die eventually. Get up, you lazy asshole. Let's go. One fucking arrow? Good God. What kind of horse are you giving us? It was struck in the side. It's a wooden horse. It's like a peg horse. Horses aren't supposed to be shot. Somebody's following me with little fucking coconuts. Okay, so Oona went down. What kind of saving throw do we have to do to pick her up?

Ooh, that's not fun. Uh, 27 damage to Oona. Is he a dick? I'm sorry. That's called, you know, momentum and it's bad. You didn't have to scream at him. No, eating a dick is called eating a dick. Okay. You did scream "fuck you" at these people. You did scream "fuck them." You antagonized them and... They could have just, like, left. To be honest, I didn't, I was not the one who rolled a good perception check, so I had no idea that they looked like shitty fucking bandits. And instead of asking your teammates for any kind of inform... Okay. Never mind. I'm just, I'm not even gonna fight.

Hush now. Hush now. All right. Hi, Valus. How you doing? Let's add Liara to the table, too. Before we roll initiative, can I roll to see if I recognize the dude who recognized me? Sure. Cool. Was that perception? Maybe? Uh, yeah. Perception. I suck today. We all suck today. It's fine. 29. Hey, Crit! I know everything about this guy. I was dead until he was 12. What a funny day. He sure homesing this shit. Ha! I'm deeply sick. Una has seen this guy around before. His name is Cecil Fowers. Heh. Cecil. Very, like, not, like a mid-range thug. The guy is just a piece of shit. And he acts as a part-time bounty hunter.

This guy has no moral code to speak of, and he will pretty much do anything for money. And deducing from his nature, you're guessing that he has seen wanted posters up for, at the very least, Una, but I'm sure that Fee and Jadzi are... he's seen wanted posters for them, too. Una is highly recognizable, though, and just kind of strutting down the street on horseback, and then the fuck you didn't help. Cool. And we're only going to show it for everyone else. And... Alright, Fee, go ahead. Okie dokie. Um... ok, so... Bop bop bop bop bop. So, minor action hunter's quarry.

Set it to Cecile. And then... Let's just... I need to get to him first. So, unbalance and trick, which... Shifty squares, and nothing enemy prone. So, it went to... Because he hasn't moved yet, I have combat advantage against him. And just a melee basic attack. So... Oh, would my melee basic attack have changed since I... Oh god, you're using Kord's gale. Ok, two things. One... You're going to be in the initiative tracker twice. What's your initiative? Uh, oh, um... Because... uh, plus twelve. Plus twelve. Just give me go, and then go again. Went through that. You are, actually?

Wow. Um, that's one thing. Also... He's going to die in the first round. Poor Cecile. Cecile doesn't deserve this. Cecile's such a great name. Um, let's see here, damage wise... Ok, do me a favor and multiply your damage by three. Whatever damage you would normally do. Ok, so whenever you roll damage, multiply that shit by three. Okie dokie. Ok, so... So, standard melee basic attack on him. Uh... Plus two... Yeah, just plus two. Uh... Ah, that... Miss. Oh, that's going to miss. Dammit. Uh... Okie dokie. Well, it's now my turn again anyway, so... It is. Um... Yep, just another melee basic attack.

Fuck, that misses a... That sucks. Maybe you weren't meant to wield this sword. Maybe... Um, anything else, sir? Uh, no, that's everything. Uh, Liara's turn. Liara's having none of this shit. Uh, this is slowing you down. Uh, let's... Uh, Liara's going to move four spaces to the right here. Uh, and let's start with... Keep 'em separated. Uh, Cecil first. That's a hit on Cecil. Uh, that is a hit on Streetwise Thug four. And that is a hit on Streetwise Thug five. She is fucking pissed. Falleeeer. Seventeen damage. Um, so she's going to whip three of these bolas out. And the first two are going to wrap around the throats of these thugs and strangle them to death.

Jesus. She wasn't trying to restrain, she was just trying to flat out choke them to death. And you're kind of watching their eyes bulge out as they desperately claw at the thin wire that's wrapped around their trachea as it just chokes the life out of them in front of you. Hard fucking core. Uh, Cecil on the other hand, uh, he got off a bit milder as the bolas kind of wrapped around his legs and he goes down. So he is prone. Uh, he is going to hit his fucking head on the way down though. Uh, Jatzia, your turn. Intimidate check, intimidate check. Just intimidate him?

Hell yeah, now is a good time. Two of his buddies just drop down and he fucking hit his head. Intimidate. Oh right. Um, that's a standard, correct? That is a standard. Alright. I guess I shouldn't be concealed before I do the intimidate. Just yell at him from behind a rock, "Hey! Dude!" Okay, so Jatzia, I do what I'm going to say first and then roll, right? Um, you can roll and then, based on the roll, like, if you want. Why did Jatzia do it? She's like, "I'm equal." I'll do a follow up, it's fine, don't worry about it. You just, you just loosen the lid a bit.

I'm gonna... Are you okay? No. She's just going to do that thing where she points to her eyes and then she points to him. And then she's gonna move over here so she's concealed. And then she's gonna curse Cecil because why the fuck not. That'll end my turn. Cecil's gonna look confused for a minute. And then he's gonna go back to struggling with the bowl as it's wrapped around his ankles. Uh, streetwise thug number three. He is going to shift forward and make a longsword attack against Fi. That'll hit. And fifteen damage. Cecil... So Cecil is kind of prone and restrained.

So he can't do too damn much. He can struggle. He's got options. Just struggle for a standard action. Yeah. So... Someone fucking help me! He is going to clumsily swing his sword at Fi. And that'll hit. Just try and chop at Fi's legs, that's twenty-eight damage. Uh, martyr's blessing. That sounded vaguely Italian. Was that... No! It's a martyr's blessing. I'll just take, just step between him and Fi I guess and just take that damage. Okay. Thank you. Uh huh. Give yourself a twenty-eight back? Yeah. Cool. It's a martyr's blessing. Thank you. Bon appétit. When I can use Cecil, it's a little bit more threatening than I was.

Uh, and he is no longer restrained. Still prone. Okay. That'll be Yuna's turn. Cool. So, I'm gonna eat that fucking blow. Um, without flinching. Just like, oomph. Okay. Um, and then she's going to... Uh, actually I should probably roll the check beforehand. Okay, let's do it. Thirty-three. Okay. Um, she's gonna lean over Cecil. Um, just as he's prone, she's like, "Cecil, you little shit. You do not want to fuck with us? At this moment, you can find me later and fuck with me then, and I will kill you then. Fuck. Off." Um, Cecil's eyes are gonna go wide. Um, and he had just gotten these bolas off of his ankles as, uh, as Yuna's kind of closing in on him.

So, like, there's this second of, like, "Yes! Victory!" And it's like, "Fuck!" Like, heh, heh. Whoa. Can I toss him a gold and then turn and walk away? Does he have to do a saving throw against pissing his pants right now? He has to make an endurance check on his own bladder. Just crit miss, it just falls out. His whole asshole falls out. Like, everything. He shits his own body out. Yep. You guys, I think Aina's violence is taking this too far. You're right. Keep it classy. Um, keep it classy. Uh, so he's gonna start nodding his head. "Alright, alright. Boys! Let's leave the nice young lady alone." And he's gonna start, like, kind of kicking his feet against the ground just to kind of, like, scoot backwards.

Just to kind of get some distance between him and Una. He's even gonna go so far as to, like, hug this rock that's next to him and just start, like, using the rock as momentum. Just, like, pushing against the rock to get away. Question. Is my horse going to die? Uh, eventually, yes. It's kind of got one, it's got an arrow in its belly. Okay. You could heal it. Oh, okay. Cool. I'll do that then. Never mind. 'Cause my horse is pretty fucking cool. I was gonna take one of theirs, but I'm gonna heal the horse. Tyler, I want you to do that, though. And give me one of your horses, too.

Wait, does anybody not have a horse? Actually, we could just get a straight horse for Bree. Okay. Um, can I follow that up with a little thing, or do I have to do another intimidation? Um, it's up to you. Like, you can, yeah, you can follow it up. Go ahead. Okay. Um, and give me your horse! And he's, like, his boys are helping him up, and he's trying to get... My horse! You have two extra now! And he's, he's just, he's got a little space between you now, so he's getting slightly ballsier. But he decides not to push it. And he just kind of, like, nods his head, and, like, he is going to double-time...

Like, he's walking, but it's the kind of walk that says, "Let's get the fuck out of here. Let's get the fuck out of here." Like, it's, it's very, like, urgent. Um, and they are going to mount up and ride off and leave two of these, these beautiful chestnut mares, uh, behind. Follow! Like, he didn't even bother taking the second horse. Cool, we can eat the other. Cool, we've got, we've got a horse that we can trade, and we've got a horse to put Bree's body on. Welcome to Theria Economy Simulator 2015. Intimidating people out of their horses. Yep. Build an empire.

So, you're going to be approaching Aubrey after, uh, a couple more hours on the road. Now, your intention is to stop in Aubrey. Okay. Um, Liara has no idea that you're doing that. So, unless you stop her, she is just going to keep riding past. Well, I assume we would have told her. Okay, okay. Okay, so yeah, when we approach Aubrey, it'd just be like, "Hey, we're going to stop here. We need a way to get through the pass between the mountains." We know a guy. You know a guy. Um, and she's kind of putting two and two together. How could he possibly help us? Uh, fee?

Um, Artemis, Artemis is a merchant, correct? Scumbag, yes. Scumbag, yes, but even scumbags have to deliver wares to clients. Not everyone can travel to see him in person. So, for the correct price, I'm sure he will have something delivered. I don't see how that gets us past the checkpoint. Obviously, people are looking for you. They'll recognize you. Well, they'll recognize some of us, but at the very least, I'm sure that someone as shady as Artemis can provide us with some form of transport with hidden extras. Fine, let's talk to him at least. So, riding into Aubrey.

Fucking Artemis. I love playing Artemis. Going to Artemis' shop. Who would like to speak to him first? Who would like to try to be the face of Group 3 here? Una's probably the best. She has the best diplomacy, so... and intimidate. I have a +17 to intimidate. I love that. It's kind of her schtick. Yeah, I can't help you here. I don't get compassion, but I do get anger. Okay, yeah, let's just walk in. Alright, Artemis is going to look up after he hears the door open. There does not appear to be anyone else in the shop except for Artemis. Good. And you see a look of... not excitement come over his face.

More anxiousness than anything. Because the last time you guys had an interaction, you kind of threatened him. Una will walk up to the counter and you say, "Don't look so nervous, Artemis. This time, we'd like to do some business for you." And he's kind of narrowing his eyes, but it's more like, "Uh-huh." And he nods his head, "Alright." And he's going to slink in. He's come around the counter now and he is standing next to Una. And remember, he's a gnome, so he only comes up to about waist high on Una. Okay, she'll kneel down, so she's at his height, and just kind of look him in the eyes.

"We can trust your discretion, correct?" And he's going to give this little... he's going to hold his hand over his heart. "Of course you can. I am nothing if not discreet." And he's whispering in a real confiding tone. "What can I do you for?" African boys. "We need safe transport over the mountains to Esterhold. You being a man of business dealings, you probably have some sort of convoy that goes across, maybe somebody who makes frequent runs for you." "I've been known to make a shipment or two. I imagine you're trying to make it through that checkpoint." "That would be the case, yes." "I also imagine you'd get recognized pretty quickly." And just hold up the hand tats and just grin.

"Hmm. What's in it for me?" "Free transport of goods. Diplomacy check." "Um, go ahead, yeah. Thirty-one." "Yeah, that's free. Free's always good. Here's the thing though, I feel like that comes with a lot of extra risk." "I mean, if they recognize you, they take my stuff, I don't get paid, you see the problem." "Alright, Ironhead's gonna speak up and say name your price. Imagine we're talking gold, right?" "We're always talking gold. Well, let's see, I consider you friends, so I'm gonna give you the friends' prices. I'd say four thousand gold sounds pretty fair." "That does not sound like fucking insurance to me.

That sounds like we're paying you for a wagon full of goods, and that's not gonna happen, Artemis." "Is that intimidate or is that the..." "Um, that's more diplomacy. That's as diplomatic as I think it's been." "Do I have to roll another one?" "Give me another one, yeah." "30th, CRIT!" "Suck a dick." "Um, Artemis is gonna lift his hand up and put it right on Una's face." "That's weird." "Wat?" "Wow." "And it's more like a stroking her cheek type of thing." "Oh, I thought he was just gonna boom right on your forehead." "Smack, like just..." "What, sugar?" "Face!" "Let me see one's..." "I thought she did an intimidate check and got CRIT, and I was like, that's a weird reaction to fear." "Come on!" "Um, and he's gonna kinda stroke on his face." "Damn, if you weren't so pretty girl, I would, I'll tell you what, call it 500 gold." "I'll let you take the wagon as long as you promise to come back." "And, you gotta let me take you out on the town, show you around Aubrey sometime." [laughter] "Does she have to roll an endurance check to not laugh?" [laughter] "Please no, I only have +2." [laughter] "They're nice to your side." "I feel like that's diplomacy not to laugh, if anything. If I have to, yes." "Um, I'm gonna say no." "Okay, thanks, Dad." "Um..." "I don't know how many CRITs you got left in here." "Okay, uh, I'll take his little gnomey hand and give it a little kiss and wink at him." "Thanks, babe." "Um, okay, who's got 500 gold?

Who has money?" "Ironhide is the only one who has any gold." [laughter] "Ironhide has like 23." "Yeah." "No, but I got it, I got it." "I think I have 45." "You guys have not been doing much for gold, like you..." "Who knows what you're getting into?" "Nothing." "Yeah, I have zero gold, I'm fucking poor." "You guys gotta rob more people." "But I do have 17 Intimidate, so gold is not too far away." "Gold is just a robbery away." "It's a promise of more gold." "Alright, let's uh, let's take 500 gold away from Ironhide." "I got 500." "I have so much gold." "And I think I'm the poorest member when I was in Group 1." "Good thing he's gonna die soon, right guys?" [laughter] "Alright." "Okay, wait, um, I'm assuming we're gonna leave the shop at this point?" "Wait, we need to ask who it is who does his run so we can get Fi to look like that person." "Well, how are we gonna, like, is he just gonna say this is what he looks like?" "No, I mean like..." "I thought he was gonna like walk us to that person." "Oh." "Well yeah, he's gonna leave the shop with you and take you to the car." "Exactly, can I be the last to leave the shop and try to get that 500 gold?" "I think he took it with him." "Aw." "Well this would be on his person." "Damn, I thought he'd like put it in a register or something." "Could threaten him and take all his potions?" "He's retarded?" "That, hey, you could flat out try to rob him if you want." "We might want to go back to all of Reaver, let's not do that." "Can I perception check what, like the store? Can I have a perception check, see if there's anything fun?" "Sure." "11." "How did you become Draconis?" "I just realized how poor I am." "Oh shit, oh shit moment." "Oh god, you need money to live? Shit!" "You know you have an estate in Esterhold, right?" "Oh that's true, okay I guess I'm good, nevermind." "I have a pretty good thievery for a warlock, I felt like using it." "Alright, I'm just saying, like you have, like I mean you technically have things that are worth money." "You ever go into a shop and just feel like stealing shit?" "Every time I walk into like a Walgreens or a Wal-Mart, I don't know what it is, I don't know what it is." "It's something that's in the air, like I turn into a child again, it's like I just want a candy bar." "I don't want to take anything of value, I just want to take like impulse items that are next to the register." "I could use this tiny bottle of hand sanitizer at some point." "Any tiny bottles of hand sanitizer in this store?" "There are not." "Nevermind, I'll just leave then." Alright, so walking the streets of Aubrey, there is a red haired man, really portly, big handlebar mustache, who is standing near a cart.

And it appears as though he's working on one of the wheels. And then Artemis is going to sidle up next to the guy and kind of explain the situation. And he is going to walk back towards the party. You gonna need Rusty to drive you, or are you just taking the cart? "Turn into him right in front of him and freak him out and then stab him." *laughter* "It's a joke, right?" "Your friends can stay behind, we'll just take the cart." "And then like really quietly defeat, just like get a good look at that guy." "Okay, do I need to make a perception check at him?" "Yes, please do." "19." "Not bad." "Mmhmm, you're pretty much taking the guy in as a whole portly dude mustache.

You feel like you could do a pretty accurate representation of him. I feel like you got the gist." "Okay, I'm gonna go... Hey Rusty, how's the journey down to Esterhold?" And he's kind of got this Wilford Brimley-esque kind of presence about him. "I'm gonna tell you about my diabetes." "Is it gonna sound like him? Does V sound like him?" "A little bit, yeah." "Yes!" "I'll give him a plus to his role if he kind of puts the voice on like this." "Cat, please!" So he's going into great detail. "It's pretty much a straight run until you get to the checkpoint and then they should let you through no problem." "Okay, sounds fairly easy." "Does he need papers or anything like that to get through?" "There's like a receipt type of thing.

They have no legal sway, the Overwatch really. They're not gonna harass..." "People that are like bringing goods." "Right, because they have no jurisdiction in Esterhold. They're just pretty much setting up shop. They're just there to impede people's progress who might be trying to flee. That's their thing. People like you, actually." "Can we look at the receipt real quick so we don't get fricked over? Is it just a receipt?" "Not a bad idea. Just like know what goods we're supposed to be carrying." "So you guys are getting ready to take off?" "What is he wearing?

Is he in rags or..." "No, not rags. He's just in a potato sack." "Really commoner stuff though. Like a lime green tunic type of thing while at the same time just regular ass brown pants and a rope kind of holding all that. The ensemble together." "Really ties it together. That rope is pretty awesome." "Hey dude, can we have your clothes?" "Sudio's your perk. Let's go." "Okay, I'm at it." "Hey babe, take off your clothes. Okay, thanks. Just grab them and leave." "Alright, let's get to this." "Can we please?" "Would it help if he had the clothes?" "I think it would." "Is he only having one pair of clothes?

Is that it?" "He's the NPC. That's all he wears. He has racks of clothing at home that are just that outfit." "Shit pants. That's all he has. Just brown pants. That's Brim. We bring him on." "We'll get through the checkpoint." "I was thinking on the way out of town, seeing if I could just pick up some similar kind of clothes. Because obviously you probably wouldn't be making a delivery in Dragon's Gate Armor." "Very true. That is a good point. That is an excellent point. It would not be too difficult to stop by and get some clothes. It would be pretty cheap too." "That's good because we don't have one." "You just find one at Pigsty.

It's fine." "I want clean. Clean, shitty place." "I like to think you're having this conversation right in front of me when you just hurt his feelings." "Destroy this poor man." "I'm standing right here." "I don't know. He looks like shit to me. I'm even kidding." "This poor guy." "He's ripping his ass down." "So, who?" "He looks like he's made poor life decisions." "He's got diabetes, so yeah." "I love that his cannon that he has diabetes." "I don't even know what diabetes is." "Clerics are gonna take my foot." *Laughter* "I feel like we got sidetracked.

I'm gonna start eating better." "Rusty, you gotta take care of yourself." "I'm gonna cry." "So are we gonna sim the whole, like, the whole thing?" "I'm sorry, I just love that it's a world of magic, but he has diabetes." "Just cure it, man. Come on." "Someone has to grab his dick to cure his diabetes." "You have to grab it. No takers." "Alright, alright." "So you got yourself a cart." "You got yourself, you pretty much think you can be rusty." "You have your little receipt thing there." "You have some proof that you're sneaking in." "So, proof that you're sneaking in, proof that you're delivering things to Esther Holt." "Everything seems to match up, that what you're delivering is what's in the cart." "There are barrels of ale." "And a lot of, like, smoked meats and fruits and vegetables, things like that." "Stuff that's kind of local, like local produce to the area." "Like, if you remember, they're all about the local produce and such in Aubrey." "Local for us, man." "We should hide Valis in one of the smoked meat things so that if they open it, it'll look pretty much the same." "Wow, that's racist." "It's just quick thinking.

Or racism, yeah, that too." "That's kind of, yeah." "I can go inside the ale one, because, like, I don't need to breathe." "Or you could just dump out the ale." "Well, they might want to crack it open." "Well, if they do, they're gonna fucking see you're fucking, like, I mean, it's not like you're invisible because you're in ale." "You're just submerged in liquid." "Yeah, it is, it's like a Guinness-y kind of thing, you know?" "It's still a barrel, how deep can he go?" "Does Aron have to breathe?" "No." "Yeah, he can just hide in the ale." "Okay, what about the rest of the party that's hiding?" "Okay, so, you said there's barrels of smoked meat?" "There are four barrels of ale, and there are chests of smoked meat. These are fairly large chests." "Okay, so I can hide in a chest, can Valis hide in a chest?" "He can kind of scrunch in, yeah, it would take some doing, but he can." "Okay, so Valis can hide in a chest?" "Some of the meat, if he wants some rotten meat." "So, somebody, I mean, I guess it would be Fi. Like, take out some of the meat, put us in, put some meat stuff on top of us." "So that if they open it, like, at least, you know, the meat would be breathing, but, you know." "If we could hold our breath, it would be a check, but whatever." "Let's see, Ironhide can be in one of the ale barrels." "And Bree...

Liara, she can be in another crate of meat." "There are two crates of meat." "Oh, okay, so she can be in a crate of vegetables, whatever the hell?" "They're more loose, these are like bins, stuff like that." "Okay, so we can wrap her in a blanket and cover her with beets." "This is such a..." "This is going to be a weird looking wagon." "Fingers and toes, food." "Do we really have to specify exactly where everyone is?" "No, you don't, I'm just going to let you finish, you got so far." "We're going to hide." "Yeah." "We're going to hide the fucking wagon, problem solved." "Yeah, I was just going to let you go, you know." "Ironhide is also going to speak up and talk directly to Fi. It's like, can you defecate yourself on command?" "Because, like, odds are, if he does that, he won't be popular with those people, and they'll just try to get him through as fast as possible." "Are you legitimately suggesting he shits himself?" "That's actually not that bad of an idea." "What?" "I don't know, whenever someone comes in, they smell like shit, I'm like, 'hmm, I'll handle this person quickly.'" "That's true." "Yeah, you never want to deal with them, that's not a bad idea." "Oh my god." "Then let's all pee on the rope." "Why does Fi... can I ask why Fi always takes the bullet for the team, like always?" "Poop isn't a bullet." "I mean, he's not going to be in those pants for a long time, so I mean, just get one out and then just sit in it." "Well, would I be able to wear the commonest clothes over my armor? Would they cover enough?" "That would look weird." "Yeah, but you'd shit your armor." [Laughter] "Just leave the buttplate out." "Just store it somewhere in the back." "The buttplate." "I love that you think there's a buttplate." [Laughter] "Like there are a pair of jammies." "Right!

A pair of old west jammies, that's what..." "I know what suits of armor look like, and I know there is no buttplate, it would be amusing if there were." "Like you could just unhinge it." "Yeah." "It's for going poop when you got those long battles, and you don't want to take up all your armor." "You're swinging at each other constantly, it's like, 'I'm going to poop.'" "I'm just going to poop here like a wild animal on the go." "Alright, I feel like we're overthinking this." "I think it's a good idea if he shits himself." "The problem is, yes, you can wear your commonest clothes over your armor, but that is going to be highly conspicuous." "Yeah, it's going to..." "Like these are thin, like a thin shirt and pants, and you're putting over dragon scale armor." "We're going to notice." "It's bulky." "I was just wondering if there was like, commonest clothes that would cover it without me having to look like I've got the armor on underneath." "I mean you could wear a cloak over that, and you could wear layers I guess, yeah." "Yeah." "I still don't know what the plan is, because it's still..." "Let's just sneak on past, jeez." "No, I thought we were still talking about pooping, yeah, pooping, okay." "Piggy are you going to poop?" "You gotta go." "I didn't see that, it's been quite nasty." "Poop yourself with the team." "It's gotta match Rusty's diet, because they're gonna know, so you might want to take his shit and put that on top of you." "Just rub it on you." "You really think they're going to do a fecal analysis?" "Wait, that's not Rusty's shit, get off the cart!" "You're getting there, dude." "Wait a second, you haven't been eating Doritos Locos Tacos for a week straight?" "That's not Rusty at all, is it? That's a changeling!" "They're gonna fucking know." "I don't think we've had a meal in like, at least three days, so..." "That's what I'm saying, like you're gonna have to stop soon actually." "Let's do that, okay, let's get you out of Aubrey, because I feel like we're really focused on..." "Do you guys have everything that you think you'd need from Aubrey and you're getting ready to go?" "Yeah, thank you." "All right, continuing south from Aubrey, now you're gonna be moving a bit slower because you're in..." "I guess you're all piling into this wagon." "We don't have to hide." "No, but you can just travel in the wagon, so it's kind of uncomfortable because the wagon's a bit full." "So you're all kind of riding, like sitting on chests and barrels and just kind of like riding along as the road gets bumpy..." "and you're kind of like bouncing around, it's not very comfortable." "But it's functional. So, riding south, you are about halfway to Durran Hollow." "And night time is coming on.

I will remind you that you will need to stop to get some rest." "Can we take shifts driving and have people sleep in the wagon?" "That is up to you, you can do that." "What do you think guys?" "Shifts?" "Sounds good." "Okay, let's do shifts." "All right, who's taking the first shift here?" "Shifts driving." "Let's see, the first person to take the first shift will be the most rested person, and I think the most rested person we probably need is Fee." "So Fee should take the first shift." "Yep, I'm all right." "Wait, why are we hiding Ironhide again?" "Because he robbed a shop in Durran Hollow first." "Okay, right." "Then he's like a Wharf Wars with Rusty, that kind of sounds weird." "You don't have to go to Durran Hollow, you know." "If we go through it, you know, like, if we go through it and Ironhide's hidden, we're fine." "Surely it would be quicker to go through Durran Hollow than it would be to go around." "Yeah, I mean the road, you can avoid going to Durran Hollow together if you just follow the road." "The only reason you have to go through Durran Hollow is if you're going through the Divide, Dawnhurst, that kind of thing." "Okay, okay, cool then. So why are we doing all this?" "Stand clear to avoid..." "Oh, that, okay, never mind that checkpoint, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay." "But you're wearing armor for Overwatch, so there's really no reason to be behind, right?" "Like it all." "Like it all, yeah.

Clear that barrel for someone else." "But if it's a cart from Artemis, they're going to be confused as to why..." "Oh yeah, good point, never mind." "That's true." "You're so smart." "So I'm just going to get in that barrel." "He just wants to take a bath in air, I'll just let him." "Who doesn't?" "You'll preserve him." "Just pickle Ironhide." "It's kind of making so much worse, actually." "I saved one day. Is that how it works? No? Okay." "Hey, we should have tried to use that spell on Ironhide. An afterthought for you." "Well, there are clerics at the Temple of Kord, we can always try it later." "Well, Ironhide's not dead." "Oh yeah, that's true, you have to be dead." "I was about to say, Ironhide's not dead yet." "Speaking of which, Jarek Ironhide now has seven days left to live." "Use the voice." "Who?

What, my voice?" "No, the scary girl. Sorry." "Oh, oh, from the ring! Oh!" "The fuck are you talking about?" "The reference escaped me for just half a second, I was like, 'What? Oh, the ring, yeah.'" "What was your name, Mara?" "Amara." "Right, like that?" "Somora, that's it, Samora." "Was it really Samora?" "Somora." "S'mora." "I was like, did they change the name in the English version? Because I didn't pay any attention." "Her name's S'mora." "S'mora." "She's the fate of Graham Craig." "Alright, you are now south of Durran Hollow, you are continuing to head south, you have plenty to eat and drink." "Albeit booze." "You have plenty of time to get rest, so go ahead and give your characters rests." "Shit." "Woo!

Finally get those dailies back." "I don't think I used any of mine." "Oh, that feels good." "Ira and I would like to speak to Valus." "Go right ahead. You said that like we're at a seance." "What do you mean?" "Oh yeah, okay I got you. I turn stupid all of a sudden for a second." "Um, he's gonna, I guess saddle up next to him isn't really a thing, he's just gonna sit next to him." "So you never get along with your brother, huh?" "Well that's a bad way to start a conversation off." "Um, yeah, no he's just, yeah, he's just gonna kinda look at Ironhide." "Um, he's kind of waiting for, like is there a point or was it just kind of, just kind of like, 'Yeah, hey, how about that, how about that?'" "Malchus." "How about them next?" "Go next." "Um, just gonna tell him that we never got along together and it looked like you didn't get along either." "I hate him.

Why didn't you get along?" "Oh, um, well, the whole letting Carter live thing 17 years ago, that rubbed me the wrong way." "Killing off all my people, that was another thing." "Um, and he's, he kinda forgot about that, like it didn't, didn't necessarily affect Vallas, so he's, he kinda forgot about that." "And he, it's kind of a look that comes over his face like, 'Oh that was a stupid question.'" "I'm sorry. I forgot about that for a moment, I'm..." "Bigger things to deal with right now. I get it." "Do you have a plan for when this is all over?" "Uh, did they even, like did we all talk about the whole like magic hat that, uh, Jetsuya has?" "No." "Okay, um, um, I don't think there is a way to stop any of this." "I know that Malkus won't be the death of me though." "At the end of the day, like if it comes down to it, I'll pick one of these guys to finish me off." "Is Jetsuya close enough to hear this?" "Well you're on the back wagon." "Yeah, we're all kind of piled in there." "Yeah, not a ton of privacy." "I guess at this point I should probably just say, um, did you see what happened to Ian?" "Because I imagine the taking of the soul thing is visible, right?" "Like the soul comes out, goes into her head." "Oh, yeah, it's a show." "Yeah." "It's like Ghostbusters." "Kinda." "Oh." "What exactly happened with Ian?" "Well his soul got sucked out of his body." "Right, but that doesn't explain, like, the rumors are true and he does like a, he crawls to himself, like..." "He doesn't understand." "It's Mio!" "Toast lane, like, toast lane, uh, uh, what was it, um..." "The toast vault, butter side town." "Yeah." "Oh my god." [Laughter] "That movie was so fucking terrible." "I saw that part from the Nostalgia Critic, like that looked so stupid." "I watched the Nostalgia Critic, I actually sat and watched that awful movie, then I watched the Nostalgia Critic." "You wanted your homework, that's what it was." "Yeah, I wanted to make sure I didn't miss any stupid, and there's lots of stupid they didn't even cover." "Okay, so like, he doesn't, he saw that, that was like, oh, that's kinda fucked up." "Like that he's screaming so much and he's on fire, but like, his soul was ripped out of him, that's kinda fucked up." "Like he doesn't understand why that all happened." "So are you asking me what happened or are you asking Jason?" "Yes, yes, I don't understand what happened." "Okay, um, so Jadzia will say, 'When I drop an enemy, I can decide whether or not I want to keep their soul.'" "'If I murder you, and it would be murder, I could try to use blood magic to find you a new body, I believe.'" "'I've been studying, and she's gonna kinda like, motion to her backpack which is full of books.'" "'There's a chance that I could help you live.'" "Um, and Valus is almost gonna kind of, like, motion to Ironhide reassuringly at Jadzia." "She can keep your soul indefinitely in her hat." "Stop saying my hat!" "I love the fact, like, the way you describe this hat, this hat with quotation marks, like it's like this crown, like almost something that the Lich King would have." "Yeah, kind of." "It's called the Helm of Seven Deaths, but we keep calling it my soul hat." "Right, it's just, he's just, like he oversimplifies certain things, it's like, it's a fucking hat." "He doesn't wear a helmet, yeah, and it's not really a helmet like a soldier would wear, it's almost more decorative." "It's almost like someone a mage would wear, like a godly mage." "It's fashionable." "Right." "It's important to me." "So to him it's a hat." "Yeah, just my purse." [Laughter] "Yeah!" "Alright, well, there you go then." "Ah!" "Sorry, what does that mean?" "It's a lot to drop on somebody, it's like, by the way, I can kill you right now and take your soul and then put it inside another body." "Well, there you go, there you have it.

I don't really know what to say to that, because I don't know." "I won't do it unless you want me to." "Well, I think I only have about seven days to go, and like he looks down at his chest and I imagine that's nice and corroded a bit more than the other day." "And as long as it's not this thing taking me down, then I'm fine with it." "Alright." [Clears throat] "Can Fi go and talk to you just yet?" "Let's say you're tagging out with Ironhide, like you're switching shifts." "I'm going back to my barrel." [Laughter] "So let's say at some point Fi and Ironhide switch it up and now Ironhide's driving and Fi's in the back, so go right ahead." "Would he have heard about the, she's studying the blood magic?" "Oh yeah, everyone can pretty much hear anything in this cart. It's really close quarters, it's not, just because you're up front it's not like a cockpit of a plane or something." "And I'd also imagine that she's reading the books right now." "Right." "She's trying to study up on it." "That was by the way looks concerned at this." "Okay, so yeah, so Fi goes and sits next to Jasian and says, 'I wouldn't have thought that after what you've been through you would have wanted to have gone, that you would have wanted to have delved any deeper into blood magic.'" "But I'm kind of glad that you have. If you don't mind, I would like you to see if you can study my arm, see if down the road, if something were ever to happen to it, maybe you could try and reproduce it or fix it if need be." "That is a very good idea.

Can I like, what kind of role would that be to look at his arm right now to make sure I got the gist of it?" "You can do an Arcana check." "Sweet. Okay, so Jodzi is going to nod, she's going to say, 'All right, let me see.' And then she'll do the Arcana check. 29." "Jasian has a pretty damn firm grasp of the magic that's binding Fi's new arm to Fi. You got to watch the spell be cast in the shop, and you lived with a blood mage for quite a while, and you've seen more than one or two blood mage spells perform. So you have a really good grasp." "Okay.

All right. So she'll tell him, 'I think if anything did happen to this arm, I'd be able to take care of it, given the right materials.'" "I'm very happy to hear you say that." "You know what, let's say that you have another day has gone by, Jeragiongite has six days to live." "Shit, fuck." "But you are closing in on the checkpoint." "So that's a good thing?" "Fuck, I shit for that." "I would imagine people are getting into place. Let's run down the final, like, what, everyone's getting into place, what does that entail? Fi is driving, and he is going to roll to look like Rusty.

Everyone else is hiding in the back?" "Yes." "I'd like to be hiding, yes." "All right, here's what's going to happen. Fi?" "Yep." "Get ready to make a bluff check." "Shit yourself, please." "Shit yourself, no. Get ready to make a bluff check, add a +3 to it." "Do you get a +2 if you do the voice?" "You will get a +2 if you do the voice, but I want to hear you really take a swing at it, man. Dig in." "Okay, so, bluff check is at 19 and then at 3, so 22." "Okay." "Got to hit the bluff." "Do the voice, do the voice." "Well, they're going to, hold on, you haven't spoken to them yet." "She just wants to hear you do the voice." "Any capacity." "Fi, also, do me a favor and make a perception check." "17." "Well, it would appear as though things have changed since the last time you've rolled through this checkpoint.

It looks like the guard has been tripled. So you're looking at about 60 to 75 people. You can't quite tell because they seem to be scattered about this growing camp that is plopped right down on the center of the road. And there seem to be crisscrossing patrols that go back and forth across the road that if you were to try and sprint through you may be able to time it, but it would be difficult. "There are four members of the guard that are standing at the smallest part of the choke point, which is the beginning of this, the beginning of the checkpoint itself, and they're going to kind of hold up their hand, motion for you to stop." "It was probably a good idea that we didn't fight these guys." "So apparently we could have timed it like Mario.

That's just the general feel I got from that, is like in Mario you have to go through the walls." "It would be a thing where you, it would be a high check, but it is possible to kind of slip through and at least get a head start on them. But that's a high check. And that would mean everyone would have to do it." "If somebody falls that means that person is practically dead to us." "Let me ask a question here. Well, actually, hold on, go ahead, Fe." So they're going to motion for the carriage to stop, wagon. And one of the guards is going to approach the driver, who looks pretty much like Rusty.

"Because I got one eye." "I'm assuming it's evening, so it's maybe a little bit less." "It's the end of the day, so yeah, this is kind of evening. So there's torches everywhere though, this place is fairly illuminated." "And it would appear, the way this guard is approaching, it would appear as though he knows this driver, like he's seen the driver before." "Just a quick point, at level one I took the become a feat. I am presuming Rusty is human." "Yes." "I get a plus five on top of that 22 then." "Okay." "So 27." "Okay." "Okay, thank you. Okay, yeah, so." "So you're not going to do the voice is what you're trying to tell everybody right now." "Oh come on, do the voice." "No, it was just something that." "No, get everything that's coming to you." "So this driver is going to approach Rusty, making another delivery to Esterholt, I'm guessing." "Yeah, yeah, just the usual fruit and fruit and meat and ale." "I take it you got an order?" "Yep, yep, and I hand him the receipt slip." "And he looks it over." "Alright, well this looks to be pretty standard.

Let me take a look at what you got and we can let you go." "Fair enough, it's just the usual, nothing interesting though." "Yeah, I know, you know the drill though, we can't let a closed cart just kind of roll through." "We wouldn't be very good guards if we did something like that, would we?" "Not even for me, you know, I come through here quite regularly, so you know." "Yeah, I wish I could. A couple of days ago we had some trouble here and we've kind of had to lock things down as a result, you understand, I mean we can't be too careful." "What kind of trouble have you been having?" "Well believe it or not we had someone just plow through the checkpoint and then later on the same day they came back through and assaulted several of the ghosts." "And they ended up killing a few of them." "Who the hell would be crazy to do that?" "Honestly, one of the guys recognized some of them. I know there was this one armed guy, he stood out, big tiefling, and it looked like we were going to take him down, they slipped away at the last minute." "Cat, offer them one of the barrels of unopened beer for their fallen comrades, just pick here, here's a barrel of beer on me you guys, just relax, remember your fallen dudes, just don't let them search it." "Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, so there's a, whoa, I'm in a bit of a hurry and it sounds like you've been having a rough time, so how about I make up my merry way and you enjoy a nice barrel of ale on me?" "Sounds like a question at the end.

On me?" "On me." "That's really generous of you, is anonymous going to get word of that?" "Don't worry, I'll deal with him, he'll be fine." "And he's gonna, he's gonna kind of walk up to Rusty and pat him on the shoulder, you know you're a good guy, I really appreciate that, we've kind of been having a rough time here and that could really soothe some spirits, you sit tight, we'll grab the barrel off and you can be on your way." "Tell him to take the right left one, or the centre left one or something like that because it's got better beer in it." "Okay, make sure you get the one right by the door on the left hand side, that's the good stuff, you deserve it." "And he's just gonna give this like smile and nod like 'alright man, thanks.' Now here's some crucial questions for everyone." "I was all the way in the back." "I would imagine, where did you guys put Bree?" "Not in one of the..." "Well obviously, not in one of the fucking full barrels of ale." "She's just sitting in the back guarding everything." "Can two people fit in one meat chest?" "Oh god, yes." "Okay then I'm squeezed in there with Bree." "Okay, this is awful." "Yes, disgusting, I've got a mouthful of dead chick hair." "Vallis would be in the other meat chest, there's no one squeezing in there with him. That means Liara would have to take up, so she's underbeats apparently." "Um, that leaves Jatzia, leaves Jatzia." "She could be in an emptied out beer barrel." "Okay, let's do this." "God damn it, please." "Everyone go ahead and make a stealth check, but I want everyone to add plus six to their roll because this guy is not making a thorough search of the card itself and he is essentially just trying to reach in, grab this barrel and let this guy go on his way." "So unless anyone say sneezes or farts loudly." "Wait a second, why do I have to make one? I don't even breathe, I just sit in there." "Okay, you know what, I will say you don't have to make one.

You don't make any noises, but Bree doesn't have to make one obviously. Everyone else, on the other hand..." "If my mouth is full of Bree hair, can I add like a plus two?" "I'm giving you a plus six." "I have a plus one stealth." "Got 17." "This is not, okay, I will make this caveat, this is not a very high check." "Oh my god, crit! Holy shit!" "You are the most silent." "Come on, Valus, come on, Valus." "That was a miracle that you crit that." "I just saw the 20 and I went back to the page and I thought that was Valus. I got really fucking excited." "I just panicked." "Here's Leora." "Shouldn't feel hope." "Oh shit, crit!" "Another crit." "Really much for vengeance." "Valus with his plus four to stealth." "Come on!" "Plus another six, that's ten." "Come on, come on, come on, come on." "Valus, please don't fuck it up." "Yeah!" "Okay!" "Oh my..." "26." "Smooth sell it from here." "That's pretty awesome." "Now all you have to do is fight the angel of death and you fuck..." "She did." "This guard is going to reach in and kind of wrestle this barrel off of the cart and it kind of lands on the ground with a thud." "And then he's going to close the curtain that's back there and he is going to double pat the back of this cart." "Alright Rusty, you can get out of here." "Thank you very much, see you when I come back." "Thanks again for the ale, the guys are going to love it." "You're welcome, anytime." "Wait, Rusty never says any time?" "Stab him!

Rusty always says okie dokie!" "And I'm guessing you're taking off down the road?" "Yep." "Okay!" "We did it!" "You have made it past the checkpoint." "That was unprecedented." "Every check went well guys! What the fuck was that? Was that even group 3?" "Was that the third time that you guys went through this?" "Yeah." "Yes!" "Alright cool, happy happy." "This is the first time it went well." "Yeah." "I'm keeping this cart." "Alright." "Okay, Jerk Ironhide has 6 days to live, you have reached the city of Esterholt." "Christ." "It's, this is the dead of night, almost morning, which means Ironhide almost has 5 days to live." "So we're just right into this town right?

I'm out of the crate." "After you get past the checkpoint, like a healthy distance away I would imagine, everyone can kind of get out. Okay, I would imagine you're making right for the Temple of Kord." "Yep." "No real dilly dallying about it." "Yep." "Okay, reaching, so Wagon pulls up to the Temple of Kord and all of you hop out, you're stretching your legs, you're retrieving Bree's body from the trunk of meat, well I would imagine you would have taken her out before then, like out of respect." "No, no, yeah, yeah." "She's fine." "Nope." "She probably smells dude, it's day like 4, say 3 for her, she smells, rigor mortis would have been awkward as fuck." "Well I think this is like, it's waiting to rot because like that smell right now?" "No, it's not." "Okay." "This is just for the soul, this has nothing to do with her body." "There probably would be flies." "Keep her in the meat, we're gonna owe him so much fucking money for this shipment, you know what, we're not gonna tell anybody that we kept dead people. Or robots in the AO, which sounds like a rock group." "Robots in the AO." "I would listen to that." "Walking into the Temple of Kord, the first person you're gonna see is Craig, who is in the main chamber here, where people go to pray and do all their main temple type of stuff.

And he's gonna give this huge beaming smile and start making a beeline right for Una." "Fee is gonna shift the sword around a bit so it's a little bit more hidden." "You dick." "Kord would love that." "He got a taste of power and he doesn't want to give it up." "Let's just tuck that back." "I remember you have it." "You're occupied though." "It's true. And Craig, now, wait a second, who's carrying Bree?" "I'll take her unless Liara was like, insistent on taking her." "If you were reaching for her first, she would let you carry her." "Okay yeah, I'll carry her." "Craig is gonna walk up to Una and he has this big beaming smile and he was gonna try and give her a big bear hug and then he sees that you're carrying a body." "At this point, her body's looking pretty worse for the wear. After days, a human body doesn't look very good when it's dead.

And he's gonna stop short and he's looking down at Bree and then he looks up, 'What are you doing here, Una?'" "You remember that ritual?" "Uh, and he already kind of knows why you're here. You're not thinking about doing what I think you're doing, are you?" "You bet I am." "You know that since I've been here, I've only seen two other people walk into that chamber, perform the rite, and walk out alive." "Let's make it three." "You were attached to the girl I take it to?" "You're just gonna like, purse your lips and nod?" "Do you know what you're in for?" "No fucking clue." "Walk with me." "And he is going to turn around and start walking towards a set of stairs on the far end of the temple. And he kind of motions for the whole party to follow him." Descending these stairs, it kind of leads to a basement area of the temple.

This is a roped off area that only seems to have one purpose. So no one usually goes here. "Paladins of Kord can offer themselves up to the angels of death. The entire point is to test your strength. Only the strongest members of our religion can wield the power of resurrection. To do that you're going to have to best one of the angels of death in combat. Will anyone else be joining you?" "Una's gonna shake her head." "Um, Liara's gonna kind of step forward and kind of give Una a look. Like, do you really fucking think I'm gonna let you just do that for me?

Like, that I would have nothing to do? Like, just kind of give her like, are you fucking kidding? Like, no." And Liara kind of speaks up, "What is it exactly we have to do?" Krek's gonna motion across the room. There is a doorway, a big set of double doors that leads to a long hall. And there are two guys wearing black that are gonna go ahead and open this chamber up. At the end of this hallway is another set of double doors with a huge lock. This huge locking mechanism on the outside of it. Whoever intends to face them in combat will be heading into that chamber.

And you'll either succeed or you'll die. There is no in between. There won't be a chance to flee. You can bring as many people as you like from your party. And in turn they'll match your strength." "I'm not going to put anyone at risk." "Jedzia is going to take Una's hand for just a moment and squeeze it. And then she's going to ask, you said that you had a way to speak to Brianna, right?" "Yes." "I want you to do it. I want you to ask her if she wants you to do this." "I will." "So I imagine you're setting Bri down." "Yep." "Go ahead and you're going to cast this ritual.

So this is something that's going to take a little time. It takes some amount of concentration. Una is going to hover over Bri's body and time passes. And it feels like there's something blocking you from communicating with Bri. Go ahead and make a religion check for me please. 19. Okay. Quickly deducing, Una would kind of figure out that the same spell that is tethering Brianna's soul to her body has kind of locked it in a stasis. Which means it can't be communicated with. "Motherfucker. You asshole. That smug little laugh. I'm going to fucking jam barbed wire down your fucking ear holes." "Well, that was my last ploy." "I mean, can we take away the protection thing now because we don't really need it anymore?

Or would that kill her?" "Well, it's retroactive." "It would just reverse." "So if you take that away, that protection then... Okay, do you remember the 24 hour rule? Any time that passes after 24 hours?" "We put the curse on her about 25 minutes after she died at a maximum. So wouldn't she have like 23 more hours left if we take the protection off?" "No." "No?" "No, it's been over... Okay, what you're proposing is that if you take that spell off, yes, you'll be able to communicate with her, but you'll revert back to the 24 hour rule. Which means that it's been long past 24 hours." "Oh, okay." "And almost 3 days." "Okay, I just figured out which way the math worked, but okay." "Right, which means there's a much, much, much, much higher percentage of the fantasy." "Yeah, I'm aware of that." "Okay, sorry." "You're a cunt." "I was going to speak up real quick and say, you know what she would say anyway.

You know she wouldn't let you go through with this." "Who the fuck are you to say that? How do you know that?" "Because I fought next to her, I know how she works." "Yeah, so did I." "Then you would know that she'd rather put herself in danger than endanger somebody else, like what you're about to do." "She would also know that I don't give a fuck about that." "Yeah, I'm gonna back up." "I'm gonna look at Liara, like kind of like questioning like what she thinks." Liara would have kind of glanced over to Ironhide while he was speaking, but her attention's mostly focused on Bree's body. And she is going to glance over at Una.

"If this is the only shot we got to bring her back, then let's go kill an angel." "Okay." "Valus is going to bend down and kind of ask Jadzia, just kind of like whisper, 'What exactly do you want to do here?'" "Jadzia's just going to shake her head and she's going to take his hand so that he doesn't go either." "Valus is just going to stand there next to Jadzia I guess." "Before we leave the room, I'd like to drag Valus into a corner." "He'll kind of look back at Jadzia, just like kind of like give me a second." "And he's going to separate himself." "Okay, I'm going to straight like slam him as much as I can at least because he's giant against the wall." "And just like get all up in his face, but really quietly so nobody can hear." "If this doesn't go well for me, you had better protect Jadzia or I will come back from the dead and I will fuck you up so hard." "You let anybody lay a finger on her and I will kill you." "There's two things that happen. One, he doesn't take kindly to people threatening him, but he understands that it's coming from a good place. So at first he's going to narrow his eyes and he's going to kind of look over at Jadzia and then he's going to say to Una, 'You have my word.' And he's just going to kind of give this nod." "Okay, Una will take a step back and hold out her hand." "He's going to shake Una's hand." "Cool." "Before she goes in, Jadzia is going to want to hug Una and right before she goes in, ask her if there's anything she could do to keep her from doing this." "And we'll hug her back, give her a really tight squeeze.

There's nothing. Look at all the shit I've been through. Look at all the shit I've survived. I'll be fine." "Jadzia's just going to kind of half smile and go, 'I knew that's what you were going to say.' And then as she pulls away, she's going to be like, 'Don't die.'" "Ma'am, yes ma'am. I'll give her a little salute." "I guess you're ready to head into the chamber?" "Let's do this." "Alright." "Fee is following in as well." "No. That was in character. Una's just going to stare out. No. No." "I've lost you before. You're not going to do this again, Fee." "I know.

That's why we're coming back out of there. I'm not going again." "No. I can't. I'm not going to put you at risk. You need to stay with Jadzia. You guys need to be safe. I'm not dragging you into this. This is not your fight. You can't die for this." "Who says I can't?" "Me." "Well, I'm going in there. You're going in there. We're coming out with Bree." "You can't do this. Fee, I told you I promised your mother I would not let any harm come to you. And then I drag you to fight the angels of death?" "My mother is dead. You hold no promises to her anymore." "Don't say that.

Just because someone is dead doesn't mean you don't still owe them to protect their only living child. Actually, I don't know if your brother is living, but I can't let you do this. It's too dangerous." "You have protected me more than enough in my life. I said I have your back, and I have your back. So if you don't want me to die in there, we better make good." "Is there anything I can tell you that will make you not go?" "No." "What role do I have to do to knock him out? I just wanted to know what skill check it would be." "Well, that would be athletics, and it would be a pretty high check to just knock him clean out." "He's got court scale, doesn't he?

So wouldn't that improve him? Or is that only when it's out?" "That's mainly using the sword itself. He's not the Flash, it's just... are you trying to knock Fee out?" "You've done it before." "Yeah, I have, but..." "That was on request there." "Yeah, that was..." "Yeah, well, yeah, this..." "Can I look at Vallas? Like, 'Get over here!' Kind of. Just kind of make those eyes." "Just call over the guard dog?" "Well, if Vallas is bigger than I am, he might be able to restrain Fee." "Uh... yes... okay. This is interesting. Okay, Vallas will walk over, but he's not exactly getting... like, you're just giving him the eye pop thing, like, he's not exactly getting... he's not incredibly quick on the uptick." "He's never been very good at picking up the social cues of, like, buying things." "Okay, um, she'll say, 'Vallas, hold him back, don't let him go!'" "Can I make a check to, uh, jump away?" "Well, this would be... okay, hold on a second." "That's only if Vallas decides to do what I say, which is probably not gonna happen." "Um, let's see here.

This would be tough. This would be... this would be essentially Vallas making a check against Fee's reflex." "Oh, fuck, okay." "But, um, first let's see if Vallas notices any ur... the urgency in Oona's eyes. Let's do that first. That's a crit! So he does. I would say that Vallas would try and restrain Fee." "He's born for this moment." "Oh, man, okay. Let me double check... let me double check Vallas's notes. What has he got? Wow, okay, so he has a 13 athletics. And Fee's reflex is what?" "23." "Oh, fuck." "Alright, well let's see how this goes." "Shit." "21." "Damn it." "Vallas is gonna reach for Fee, and Fee I guess would kind of dodge his clumsy grab.

And what would Fee like to do after that?" "Um, okay, so, um, okay, so I would presume Liara and Bree are closer towards the door." "Well, you're not taking Bree in." "Oh, okay, well Liara is closer towards the door." "Yeah, she's waiting to go in." "Okay, um, I want to try and dodge and weave around Oona to get closer to Liara." "Okay, go ahead and make an athletics check." "I'm not gonna stop him." "Okay." "Oh, okay." "Hey, when did you get in there?" "Alright then, no one's... after that first grab it's like, 'I can't get him, he's quick.'" "Um, then they're going to unlock this chamber door, and there are several unlit torches on the outside of this thing, and two very large statues just kind of depicting Kord on the outside of this door." "Uh, above the door there is a skeletal figure with what appear to be leathery bat wings with a gnarled skeletal hand outstretched, and as the door, this large locking mechanism unlocks, and the two doors swing open, you can see the inside of this chamber." "So if you would kindly place your characters somewhere in the chamber here." "Is there a way for like, um, Judzia and Valis to watch what's happening?" "Um, the doors will be sealed after this, you will have no idea what's going on inside." "There's just kind of this long hallway outside that you'd be pacing, like, it's like outside of a waiting room, something like that, it's... let me grab Leora, alright, I wish you guys the best of luck." "Yeah sure you do, you cunt." "Me too, I feel like such an asshole." "Dude, if you fought, then we would have a total party death on our hands." "Yeah, like Judzia knows herself, courage isn't her thing." "Ironhide didn't go in either, so I feel kind of..." "He's not a part of the party." "He didn't even, he wasn't asked, and didn't ask, so it's just like, well he tried to..." "Well I mean like, the original, the original group 3 is what I meant." "Alright, um..." "Have fun storming the castle." "Think it'll work, need a miracle." "These doors are going to close after a moment, and from the other, within the chamber, you hear that gargantuan locking mechanism on the outside really drive home the fact that you are rats in a cage right now, there is no escaping this chamber." "On the opposite side, on the far end of this room, again this thing is decorated with statues, just depicting great acts of violence and courage and all the stuff that court is famous for." "On the opposite side of this room, there are two braziers that are lit, and in the center of it there is a gong, with this large drum handle next to it." "Uh, I guess we hit the gong, I'm going to go up to the gong, and instead of using the drum handle thing, I'm going to smack it with my hammer." "The second your hammer touches this gong, this god awfully long sound, it's deafening and long and just like rings through this chamber." "And the flames that are coming out of this brazier are going to turn blue." "Cheesy, shitty effects, Jason." "Well, I work with what I got, we have a low budget." "Go ahead." "In the center of this room, so that would place Una here-ish, in the center of this room there is going to be a blue swirling flame, and then the flame is going to kind of dissipate just a bit until there is just a blue ring of fire." "And in the center of it, let's put one of the angels of death, which, to give a description for those at home, I've, there's been a jpeg floating around that people kind of get the gist of here in the cast, but to give, to give people at home an idea, this is essentially a skeleton that wears black plate armor, and from his, from his stomach to ribcage and neck, all the way up to his mouth, there is just blue flames." "Where organs and any vital things would be." "His back is encased in these huge leathery, tattered bat-looking wings." "And beyond the plate mail there is no shield, there is no, it is just a huge claymore." "So you have summoned this thing, and it is just kind of standing silently in the room, and then you hear its neck crackle as it turns, like it's going to pivot on one foot and then turn towards Una, and then you hear its boots kind of like clip clap against the stone floor as he marches towards Una, and then just kind of stands in front of her." "And after a few seconds, his jaw is almost unhinged, but it's going to kind of open its mouth." "Why have you summoned me?" "Una's just going to smile, like really big smile, because this is like the ultimate show of bravery and she's digging it so hard." "And she's going to say, 'It's nice to finally meet you. I've cheated you a couple times, and now I want something back.'" "Um, and the thing is just, it's just eye sockets, no eyes, so it's kind of a cold, like it's just dead silence and a cold stare, just waiting for you to finish your point." "You took a dear friend from me. I want the power to bring her back.

I'm sure I don't have to spell this out for you, I'm sure you've done this before." "I have, and you're willing to pay the price." "I'm willing to kick whatever ass is presented to me." "Then so be it." "From the center of the room, let's get some friends, from the center of the room that flame is going to swirl again, this time a bit larger, to the point where Liara is going to step back, just kind of shift." "Four skeletal death guards are going to be summoned." "Again, I wish you guys the best of luck, everyone roll initiative." "Do I get a second?" "Oh shit, I was muted." "You do." "I rolled, but it's not showing that I rolled." "Alright, hold on one second." "What'd you get?" "21." "Alright, shit, okay. Good lord, alright." "Liaras turn, the second that these things materialize, Liara is going to level her crossbow at the first one that gets in her way, and that would be death guard number four, and make an attack." "That will hit." "She's going to fire a crossbow bolt right through its skull and kill it." "And then she is going to start marching towards the angel of death." "Angel of death's turn." "The way you said that just reminded me of that idiot, is there anything like cake or death?" "Cake or death?" "Um, lord, the angel of death is going to use choke." "He is going to raise his skeletal hand outstretched, as if he were going to grasp something." "And that is going to hit, that is going to hit Una." "What's going to happen is, it's going to feel like there is a hand closing around Una's throat, and it's going to start to choke her for 28 damage." "And then he is going to flick her across the room." "And five spaces, one, two, three, four, five, in that direction, and Una will fall prone." "Una's turn." "Move action to get out." "And then I'm going to stick my tongue out at the angel of death." "And let's do a nice, beautiful old Winfury assault." "Which will allow me to move, but not spend my move action." "I'm going to move over right next to it." "I wish my attacks actually hit, that would be kind of cool." "Uh, we'll see, oh that is a miss." "Yeah, see I told you, they don't do that." "Well, that's cool, I'll stick my tongue out again." "Okay." "And minor action, place a divine challenge on it." "Okay, Fi, your turn." "Okey dokey." "So, minor action, world repulsion, so I get resist five." "And then, melee basic attack." "And I have combat advantage because number three has not moved." "So plus two to that, hit." "Very nice." "Okay, so, damage is 1d10 plus seven, 15, so 45." "You did say 10 times by three, didn't you?" "Yes, I did, that will slay that skeleton, it'll go down." "Okey dokey, that is everything then." "Death Guard number two is going to shift over to Liara and whip this broadsword it's carrying at her." "And she will duck it agilely and it will miss her." "Fi, your turn again." "Okey dokey." "So, just unbalancing trick to get up to number one, I have combat advantage because he hasn't moved yet." "And so, hit." "That'll hit." "And then 1d10 plus seven, 45 again." "That will kill it." "And that's everything." "Alright, Liara's turn." "Ooh, actually before Liara's turn, hold on a second." "The blue flame is going to appear one more time." "And four more of these Skeletal Death Guards are going to be summoned." "And then the flame is going to dissipate." "Liar is going to grab the broadsword that she has on her back and try to cut this skeleton down." "That will hit." "18 damage is enough to kill the skeleton and it goes down." "Let's see here, Death Guard number six is going to shift down to Liara." "Take a swing at her with his broadsword, that'll hit." "And that will be 11 damage." "The Angel of Death." "Let's see here." "As a minor action, he is going to..." "He is standing face to face with Una." "He is going to spread his arm out towards the rest of the party." "And then wave his hand across the battlefield." "And conjure a wall of ice that is going to sprout from the ground." "So this zone right here, that zone right there is a 20 foot tall wall of ice." "That can't be passed unless you break through it or you go around it, really." "And then he is going to use his soul sword against Una." "And that'll hit." "That'll be 24 damage to Una, that'll be bloodier." "Death Guard number seven is going to shift over to Fi and use his broadsword." "That'll miss Fi, that's two." "Una, your turn." "Okay, Una is going to just kind of puff out her chest like bros do right before they're about to fight." "And just say, 'How many brave, beautiful people have you stolen from the earth?'" "And she's going to use the glorious Martyr's Retribution." "Get your cameras ready, oh no." "Did you ever expect anything, like this, I'm not gonna, I don't hit, don't..." "With Retribution you usually do." "I never hit with Retribution, it's all half damage." "Yeah you do, you liquefied people." "Half damage, bitch." "Oh, 22, glorious." "22 damage to the Angel of Death." "And as a minor action, land hands." "Alright, Fi, your turn." "Okay, okay." "Okay, so just a melee basic on number five." "Who has not acted yet so I get combat advantage." "Unless I hit, 12, so that is 36." "36 is enough to kill the skeleton." "Anything else, sir?" "That is everything." "Okay, Death Guard number eight is going to shift over to Leora." "Use his Broadsword, that'll miss." "Fi, your turn." "Okay, so Amber Strict will give me combat advantage against number seven." "And then melee basic attack." "Oops, oops." "And that's a hit." "That's gorgeous." "Okay, so that is 33." "That will be enough to kill the skeleton." "And that's everything." "Okay, end of the round, four more of these things are going to be summoned." "Alright, Death Guard number ten is going to move in to Fi and use his Broadsword." "That will hit 11 damage." "Okay, five less because I have resist five." "So I'll just have the five back on." "Oh, jeez." "Leora's going to swing her Broadsword at Death Guard number six in front of her." "That's going to miss." "Death Guard number twelve is going to get right up in Leora's face, use his Broadsword." "That'll hit 11 damage." "God, Death Guard number six is going to use his Broadsword on Leora." "That's going to hit 11 damage." "Death Guard number nine is going to shift over, get combat advantage against Fi." "Swing his Broadsword and miss the Angel of Death's Turn." "Um..." "Oof." "Alright, he is going to start kind of juggling his sword back and forth." "That wild windmill kind of move people do with huge claymores." "Because he is getting ready to unleash a fury of swipes on Una." "But before he does so, he's just going to kind of unhinge his jaw again." "No one cheats death forever." "And he is going to make a series of swipes, three to be specific." "One, that'll hit." "Two will miss." "Three will hit." "So, 11 damage and 29 damage." "That will not quite bloody Una." "Una, you're just right." "Sorry, I'm eating your pretzel really quick, hold on." "Take your time, take your time." "I got bored so I eat." "Okay, um..." "I'm just checking out my powers." "Take your time." "Okay, um..." "Una is going to grin at the Angel of Death and just kind of like chuckle and shake her head." "I think you have a problem where you think I give a shit about death." "And, um, Thundering Smite." "Really? Can we not do this anymore?" "I guess we have to manage." "I don't honestly give a fuck." "You give a fuck." "Do I?" "Everyone gives a fuck, you do." "Oh, you secretly know all of my feelings, Jason, congratulations." "Stop, don't be like that." "You wouldn't play if you didn't give a fuck." "I play for fuck." "I don't play to give fucks." "That'll be 21 damage to the Angel of Death, anything else?" "Mmm... umm... no." "Alright." "Death Guard number 11 is going to move right behind Liara." "Use his broadsword and miss." "Fie, your turn." "Um... oh, okay." "I'm debating whether to run up and go for the Angel of Death." "Yeah, I'm going to do that." "I'm going to shout at Liara and say they just keep on coming." "We've got to go for the source." "And then... so...

Unbalance and Trick will get me shift two squares." "Which will get me to there." "Okay." "And then if I reduce my standard to a move, I can get six squares." "Uh, yes." "Yep, six. So... one, two, three, four, five, six." "Right behind the Angel of Death." "Um... and I'm going to... okay, so Hunter's Quarry on the Angel of Death." "And... and Action Point." "So I get... for a melee basic attack." "Um... oops, can I use... yep, Backstab is a free action, so I'm going to use that as well." "So I get a plus five to this, and I fucking miss." [Laughter] "Okay, um... but it's my turn again anyway, so..." "Figure two." [Laughter] "Okay, yeah, so, um... uh, Unbalance and Trick will... if I hit, not hit the throne." "Um, and I'll fire off my second Backstab as well, a melee basic." "And that's a hit." "That's a crit, sir." "Oh, yeah." "Niiiice." "Um, okay, so 17 is my max damage." "Seventeen times three." "That is... 51." "Fifty-one damage to the Angel of Death." "Also..." "You get crit die, don't you?" "Oh, yes, I have... um, okay, so I have crit die of one die six." "Okay." "Isn't it higher, because he's got the Legendary Weapon?" "Well, it'd be three die six." "Okay." "Three... why did I say three die six? Sorry, you're..." "Okay, so three die six from that, um, and two die eight from Sneak Attack, because I have Combat Advantage." "Okay." "And, uh, an extra two die six from Backstab.

Uh, 19." "Total, okay, so wait a second. So, 19..." "There were three ones in there." "Well, no, no, no, wait, wait. Yeah, well, okay. The... you're not gonna get triple from the Backstab, but you will get triple from the crit die on the weapon." "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." "Oh, sorry." "So, you did a total of 82 damage." "Gorgeous." "Um, okay, and... can I also use Sneak Attack, which is a minor action?" "Uh, yeah, what's the wording on that?" "Uh, encounter, Marshall, minor action, melee one, one creature, until the start of your next turn." "The next ally who hits the target and has Combat Advantage against it deals extra damage, uh, extra damage against it, equal to your Sneak Attack damage." "Alright, that sounds good to me." "Cool.

So, there you go. So, um, next time, Una managed to hit it before her next go." "Yeah, that's gonna happen." "You're due. It's like a slot machine." "No, not with Una." "Wasn't there someone on the show who complained about something? I can't remember. Someone complained about Una hitting all the time and doing lots of damage. I can't recall." "Remember the fuck that was? You are so incorrect." "Uh, that would bring up... oh, shit, that's the end of a round. Ooh, alright. Uh, Skeletal Death Guards. Four more are gonna be summoned." "Yeah, maybe you should have hung out back there.

The aura's badass, but it might be a little difficult for her to take on nine Death Guards all at once." "Yeah." "Then again, you know, she is backed up against a statue, so she can only be swarmed by five at once. Sorry, six." "God. Speaking of which, Death Guard 10 is going to sidle up next to Liara and use his broadsword and that will hit Liara. Eleven damage, that'll bloody Liara." "Yeah, shit, maybe you should get back there, Fi." "Fuck this. Liara's gonna use Death Twirl. She is going to take her broadsword and start juggling it back and forth, almost as if it were a dance." "And she is going to deftly strike at each and every enemy that's adjacent to her.

Starting with number 12, that is a hit. Number 6, that is a hit. Number 10, that is a hit." "Number 11, that is a hit. She just hit every enemy that is standing next to her. 29 damage to each and every one of them and she just dropped five skeletons." "Fuck yeah, Liara. Liara is OP. Talking about OP people, fucking Liara." "Maybe she can back up a little bit more." "Monsters is kind of what she does, kind of her shtick. Not to mention Breeze on the line, so, Death Guard number 16 is going to move right there and use his broadsword against Liara. That is a crit." "But they only do a basic amount of damage, so 11 and then we'll do plus 6, so 16 damage total.

Alright, Liara's looking pretty worse for wear, but you can't see that because you're on the other side of an ice wall anyway, so you would have no idea what's going on on the other side of it." "Let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, jeez. Okay, Death Guard number 9 is going to use his broadsword against Liara. That'll miss. She dodges that one. The Angel of Death, hmm." "The Angel of Death is going to once again use choke on Una. That will just hit her fortitude. So, again, 23 damage, that will bloody Una. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 squares. He's going to push Una back 5 spaces." "I'm going to pop an action point for him and he is going to turn his attention towards Fi.

And he is going to use lunge and he is going to take this claymore and try to jam it into Fi's chest. That will hit. 26 damage to Fi." "I was just trying to... I let that person." "21 damage to Fi. Una, your turn." "Okay, um..." "So Una would be kind of prone on the floor." "Yeah, I'm on the floor. Oops, sorry. You know what, fuck him. Just move him. I don't care." "Yeah, fuck him. Just get him out of there." "And we're done. We're on the fight. I have that fly power. If I use it, can I lift myself from being prone because I hover? And can I use it to move too?" "Okay, wait, what's the power called?" "Win step.

Minor action. Until the end of your next turn, you have a fly speed of 8 and can hover. When this flight ends, you descend to the ground, taking no falling damage." "I would say that's from a prone musician too, sure. Kind of like you levitating off the ground." "Okay, um... I'm gonna rise up like an avenging fucking angel. Fucking lightning, sparks, this is storm shit right here. Fly up to this motherfucker and just like spit on him and just don't you fucking touch him." "He's also gonna take 9 damage because he attacked me. But then I'm going to use...

It doesn't even fucking matter what I use, it's just for show. But..." "In a perfect world, you hit him." "Did you just compare Theria to a perfect world?" "Yeah, you're right." "Did you even mention the words perfect in a fucking setting that has anything to do with Theria? What the fuck is wrong with you?" "Yeah." "Okay, let's use on pain of death. Because fuck it, I'm angry. Do we get any pluses for being awesome?" "You get plus 2 for flanking." "Oh, that helps. Not enough." "Oh my god." "Can I just hit something? For once?" "You have an action point." "Ah, well that is half damage still.

But yeah, I'm gonna fucking pop an action point anyway. But hold on, let's do the damage. He's also gonna take 1d8, no sorry, 1d4. Oh, 1d4 damage, oh no." "She also gets a 2d8 from my sneaking in the attack because it's the next ally who hits the target and has combat advantage against it." "She has to hit first." "I read it as 2d8 damage." "You have just bloodied the angel of death." "With my 7 damage. Is there blood?" "This wouldn't be blood necessarily. It would be more like that blue flame that's contained in his body is spilling out and it'll plume out.

You can just see that he's a little worse for where you kind of slammed him in the back with your hammer." "I want to know if there's blood so I can lick it off my hammer." "There is not blood." "Okay." "No organs, no circulatory system, no blood." "I don't know, maybe he had like weird black death blood stuff, I don't know." "You don't want that in your tongue." "What does second wind do again?" "Second wind, if you pop second wind you get a +2 to all of your defenses and you get to pop a healing surge until the end of your next turn." "That is helpful especially because when I pop a healing surge I can pop another healing surge." "Okay, I guess yes, second wind." "As a result of the angel of death becoming bloodied he is going to use flames of cord. There will be a violent eruption in the center of this room." "And we are going to add some more of his skeletal buddies." "Leora is going to fucking die." "For every one she drops three more seem to pop up." "Let's see, let me see here. He is also going to encase himself in that blue flame and anyone who ends their turn next to him will take 10 damage.

Also a burst 10." "Each undead ally in the burst deals 2d6 extra fire damage with melee attacks until the end of the angel of death next turn. So that being said, skeletal death guard 14." "Let me add these other ones to the initiative tracker. Alright, 14 is going to shift down to Leora." "Leora should back into a corner that way she only has to fight two at a time. If she backs into a corner with the skeleton she only has to fight three." "Yeah, that will miss Leora. Good lord, Fi your turn." "Okie dokie. So if I end my turn next to the angel of death I take the damage?" "Turn damage, yes." "And is that for both of my?" "Yes." "I think I'm going to risk it for a turn.

So, unbalance and trick and melee basic, and my advantage and that's a hit." "So, 2d6 and 2d8 for sneak and hunter's quarry, oh no sorry, 1d6 for hunter's quarry and 2d8 for sneak attack. Let's roll that, that's 16." "So, damage is 1d10." "You guys know you're on like computers right?" "Yep." "There's calculators and stuff on there." "I use an avacus. Ok, anything else sir?" "That's damage. No because I've already used my move." "Oh shit." "So you've just eaten that." "Yeah, hold on because that's." "I thought you were saying Hodor first." "Hodor, Hodor." "No I was thinking because obviously that is a times 3 isn't it?

That damage." "And that is everything that I can do. So I will take 5 damage because I have resist 5 and then I will." "Oh, yep and the angel of death is now prone. So yeah, just another melee basic. That's just at a +2 isn't it?" "Yes." "And that's another hit." "Ok, that's a crit." "Awesome." "Goddamn, slaying it." "What was it last time I scored a crit? It was 80 something wasn't it?" "That's 85 damage you've just done." "It's probably dead right?" "No, it is not dead quite yet." "So Fi trips the angel of death, knocks its legs out from under him, it slams on its back, wings spread out and then Fi stabs down at it." "That is so fucking cool." "Oh man, oh poor Liara." "Dude, back her to a corner.

She knows what's up." "She has to get a turn first." "She kinda is in a corner. Or against a wall." "Deathguard number 20 is going to take a swing at Liara and she will duck the sword." "Number 19 is going to shift forward, take a swing at Liara. That will hit her. 11 damage and that will cut into Liara's shoulder. She will drop down to one knee but she's not down yet." "Number 13 is going to shift up to Liara, make a swing with his broadsword. That is a crit." "Fuck." "Bummer." "Liara is going to use second chance. When he would connect with Liara, make the target roll a second time and take the second result." "Nice." "So cross your fingers.

That will still hit." "Not a crit though." "No, not a crit though. That will hit Liara and shit, that will almost down her but not quite." "Is she making noises? Can we hear that she's in trouble?" "Oh you can definitely hear the signs of battle over there but you're kind of engaged in your own thing too." "But can I hear that she's screaming in pain or something?" "Yes, it's not even screaming in pain, it's more just the clattering of swords and you can hear muffled noises." "You know what's going on over there, there's like 18 of them." "Yeah, that is the end of the round which means four more skeleton death guards will be summoned." "Good news is they can't actually get to her now because there's so many other people around her." "She's kind of backed herself up against this statue.

Yeah, that's the only saving grace to this. 15 is going to pass and it will be Liara's turn. God, she is totally trapped." "Get her out of there, get her over here and I can cast some shit on her." "I can't move her." "That's a good point." "Okay, let's see here, let's use, there's something I'm sitting on." "Second wind?" "Well, I mean, Liara's going to use sterner stuff which will recharge death twirl, gives her the use of one of her daily powers again. It will also give her a plus two to all defenses until the end of her next turn. So let's use death twirl.

"16, that'll hit. 20, that'll hit. 19, that will hit. That will hit number 9, that'll hit number 13." "Record breaker, come on." "Yeah!" "That'll hit number 14. 27 damage to all of them that will drop every skeleton in her vicinity." "That's such a badass." "We can't lose her. Hopefully she runs scuttle hurries all the way to the corners." "She is going to make a strategic retreat. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. And these skeletons are going to start giving chase." "Start one of those ice walls, death." "17 is going to turn 22. We'll do the same." "They pretty much have one more turn to finish this before she's just overwhelmed." "Pretty much." "I imagine she's down to one hit point?" "Exactly one hit point." "If she stays close to me I can take her damage." "That's a lot of damage." "Don't miss, you guys." "Yeah, that's a thing." "The angel of death is going to stand up by flapping those big leather bat wings and just kind of levitating back up to his feet.

His boots will firmly plant into the ground and he's going to make another flurry attack against, well this time, Faye." "What? I told him not to fucking do that." "He's not listening to you right this second. One will miss." "Come on, miss." "2 will hit." "Fuck." "3 will hit." "I'm taking that damage." "Get ready. Okay then, I will give it to you. You take the full damage?" "Yep." "Alright. 27 damage. 19 damage." "Okay, I don't think you're down." "Nope. That'll take her down to 30." "You are pointing through at paces though." "Were you up to 24 of those things?" "Yeah, 24 fucking skeletons." "I guess there's a 28 right there." "Angel of Death is going to use his second action point." "Are you fucking serious?" "I am deadly serious.

He's going to unhinge his jaw, kind of tilt his head towards Una, and this blue flame is going to eject from his mouth. And he is essentially going to try to burn Una alive. That will hit Una's reflex." "Surprise fucking surprise." "Now, before I roll damage, is there anything you'd like to do?" "I think I should probably pop my armor." "I think that might be a good idea. So you're going to take half damage on this hit." "Cool." "Which will be 11 damage now. That'll be the end of the Angel of Death's turn. Una." "Yeah, it fucking will. Okay. She's just going to shrug off the pain.

That's more like it. Don't fucking touch him." "Would Angel of Death get 9 damage for attacking me?" "Yes. Dude, if that killed him, that would be the fucking funniest shit in the world." "Jason's really quiet all of a sudden. He just broke his own neck." "Did you give him 9 damage?" "Yes. That didn't kill him." "This is at the end of the Serenity film. That's what this feels like. Like this is really Dark Times." "Okay. Let's see. Um, Valorous Smite. Why the fuck not? I don't have anything that's fucking decent at all, so might as well. Boop-a-doop." "No, I'm not gonna.

Don't get your hopes up. But I do get a +2 for flanking. That's helpful." "Holy shit! Finally!" "That's your first hit, isn't it?" "Yes! I only hit when I guess it matters most. Fucking hell." "I would like to think of it as like you're throwing these haymakers but you're aiming the wrong way. So it's like I'm not over there. I'm not wearing my glasses today." "I got Una just like half blind. There's no contact in this area." "Oh my god! That was two 10s and two 9s for my rolls. And then guess what? Guess what I'm gonna do? I'm also gonna put on fucking Divine Strength.

So that's my Strength modifier too. Add that to the fucking pain. My Strength modifier is 4, so take 4 more fucking damage." "Una, you have just defeated the Angel of Death." "Yes! Yes! Fucking hell. Good job guys. Jesus Christ." "Holy shit! I still have the land hands left." "Holy fuck. Good job. Oh my god." "Are we out of combat?" "Well, the Angel of Death is going to hold up his hand. And just like after you've hit him he drops down to one knee. Enough. And he is going to wave his hand and the ice wall is going to disappear. All of the Death Guards are going to disappear.

And he is going to stand up. And he is going to outstretch his hand towards Una's neck. And you're gonna feel his bony hand kind of wrap around. Almost as if he's putting his hand on your shoulder." "She'll just stare into those fucking flaming eye sockets. Like completely impassive." "And then his hand is going to burst into blue flame. And it will burn the shit out of Una. And then he's going to stop. And there's going to be a mark left on like right around the neck shoulder meetup. And it's the symbol of cord essentially right there. Almost like a burn.

It's a burn but in that shape." "You have proven yourself worthy. If your body can take the strain, you may ferry back any soul you wish." "And with that the Angel of Death will burst into blue flame and leave the chamber. On the outside of the chamber." "Nothing happened." "The only way that anyone knows what the hell is going on in the outside of the chamber. Remember all those unlit torches? They burst into blue flame when that started. And then they extinguish when it's over one way or the other." "So you're going to hear that locking mechanism kind of clatter open again as the guards on the outside are reopening the chamber.

So congratulations. You have defeated the Angel of Death. You now have the ability to resurrect people, Una. Please do a religion check." "Oh now I get a good roll." "You got a pretty good roll last time when you killed him." "Do I get a notable kill?" "Oh that's definitely a fucking notable kill." "Cool. I mean, Fi, you did like 90% of the damage but thanks bro." "It's like the children all over again." "Una, you do very much have the power to bring back people from the dead. But unlike a cleric, your body wasn't trained for that. Having the ability and being able to do it easily are two different things." "Your body is going to go through a bit more of a strain than a cleric would doing this.

And we all know that clerics kind of take a beating when they do it." "So yes, you could technically bring Bree back right now. In your current state that would absolutely kill you. I will remind you that you have just a little over 24 hours though." "So Gentle Repose, that pauses her at that 'right when she died' kind of mark, soul-wise, yeah?" "That's pretty much when anyone dies. What General Repose does is make sure that the connection between the body and soul isn't severed after the 24 hour mark. What happens is after 24 hours it just starts to fade away.

So that's why bringing someone back, it doesn't always bring them back right." "So I know that, but my question is that if I do it now, is there a better chance of her coming back right?" "No." "Okay, it doesn't matter how long I wait." "24 hours is pretty much the grace period. They are 95% going to come back pretty much as they were when you last saw them. After 24 hours it deteriorates rapidly." "Okay, um, okay. I mean before anything, I'm just going to leap over and hug the shit out of Fie." "Fie's going to hug back just like as... Fie's going to hug back with as much strength as he has." "Liar's going to kind of crumple down to one knee and then just kind of like sit down on the floor.

Like, she very nearly died." "Is the door open yet or no?" "At this point, yeah, they would, the door would be cracking open now." "Okay, I'll run over to Liar and use the Leon hands." "Okay, that is your second Leon hands for the day?" "Yep." "So, okay, awesome. Alright, the door would be open now." "Alright, um, John-Zia would just run straight in and after taking a quick look around run towards Una and hug her." "Yeah, I'll like pick her up on hugging her so hard. Like when I was like, 'Ugh!' where you shake him a little bit." "So is there like just death all over the ground right now?" "They would have disappeared." "Alright, I'm just going to walk right in and just say, 'What happened exactly?

What happened? How did it go?'" "Well, we lost." "Well, I'm saying like, I don't know." "It was rough, but we killed it." Lior's going to kind of pick herself up and walk over to Una. "Alright, so what's the plan now?" "I can resurrect her now, but I will die." "Or I can wait and rest and resurrect her in a little less than 24 hours before the repose diminishes." "Will that hurt her if we wait?" "Not that I know of." "Alright, then you should get some rest." "Okay, okay, let's, yeah, I'm beat." "The question is, would you guys like to continue?" "Yes." "Yes." "Yeah?" "Yes." "I almost wrapped up the session." "I can hear it, I can hear it in your voice." "Well, you ready to go?" "Yep." "Alright, Craig is going to come wandering into this chamber, and he kind of sees us celebrating and all that." "And he is going to kind of double time it over to Una and kind of wrap her up in one of those big bear hugs." "And just kind of pick her up off the ground, and just kind of like swinging her back and forth, and he's like *grunts* just like, just squeezing the hell out of her." "I knew you could do it!" "And then he's going to like plop her down, and he's going to reach over and try and shake Fi's hand too." "Yep, Fi shakes his hand back." "Um, Liara's just going to like put her hand up and just nod, like just, 'Yeah, I'm fine, don't touch me.'" "Um, and Craig's just kind of like, 'You're going to have to tell me all about that one day.'" "I will, but I have one pretty major thing to ask you right now." "Alright." "I showed you my hammer last time we were here, yeah?" "Yes you did." "In the course of events, I came across a man wielding Kord's gale." "Really?" "This man was probably the most atrocious person I've ever had the displeasure of encountering.

Ever." "He was the one who killed the girl I brought here." "I see." "His name is Ian Cerberus. He ran, or helped to run, Winterhaven. When we left, he had just slain his wife and Brianna before we killed him." "I'm familiar with the man. I can't say I'm sorry that he's dead." "Well, we left, I took his sword, and I gave it to Fee to use, temporarily, for the bravery with which he had defended me and defended us against Ian." "I think he proved himself by coming in here and fighting alongside me. I think he deserves to wield that sword." "Um, Craig's gonna look at Fee.

And how do you feel about this?" "It would be an honor to continue to wield this sword." "Una, I'd say what you've been through here today, that's the least I could do." "She'll just, like, beam and give him a giant hug." "You'll probably want to go get some rest now, I would imagine." "Yeah." "You'll stop by before you leave town?" "Of course." "And I bid you all adieu. Um, I guess you're all heading to the former Darmock Estate?" "Is that where you want to spend the night?" "Yeah, why not?" "That sounds like a place you'd want to spend the night, yeah." "I thought the bed ever happened there." "I spent the night there, it was totally fine." "There definitely won't be any ghosts." "It's not like Jamie's place." "That's a joke for like two people." "That's so mean." "It's not mean, it's not true, there are no ghosts." "There's no such thing." "It's Old Man Withers, the guy who runs the haunted amusement park." "Um, alright. Um, the sun is coming up, which means Jarek Ironhide has five days left to live." "Oh god." "I would imagine you're all going to go ahead and get some rest, mainly Fie and Una, so everyone go ahead and, good lord, everyone go ahead and give yourselves a rest." "Aw man, yeah, I needed that.

Get it? Because I'm an asshole. Okay." "Alright, let's say that some hours have passed, you've had an extended rest, you're in Darmock's former creepy place, where would you like to perform this resurrection?" "Um, maybe in a bed, you know?" "Yeah, okay." "That seems like the best place. Get nice and comfy, you know, cuddle, no, it's gross, it's a body, it's a four day old body." "Shit like that happens in this house, it's fine." "I should say, it's probably not the weirdest thing." "There's someone in the garden, you know." "I'm a good host." "Poppimentary dead body in every bed." "Alright, here's what we're going to do." "Normally, I'm going to read off the rules for resurrection in case someone has forgotten them at home." "The rules are going to be a bit harsher for Una though, so, this is a daily spell, the body must be present for the spell, you have both of those things, that's fine." "The target of the spell cannot have been dead for more than 24 hours, that's, you were using general repose, so you're fine." "It can be cast in or out of combat, when the spell is cast, the character that was the target will return with full hit points, dailies, and will be treated as if they had taken an extended rest." "They will however receive a negative two to all dice rolls for 24 hours." "The healer casting the spell will receive damage in the form of 4d6 multiplied by the healer's level." "For Una it's going to be, I'm sorry, it's going to be d10 multiplied by her level." "4d10 times 10." "Not 4d10, sorry, not 4d10." "d10." "Oh, thank you, oh my god, I was like 4d10 times, I'm dead, you fucking idiot." "Yeah, no, no, no." "After the damage has been taken, the healer's max hit points will be halved and remain so for three days, which means that you can't get above bloody for three days." "The healer will also be weakened for the same duration, which means you'll do half damage for three days.

After the three days you'll return to normal." "That is a lot, but it's worth it. Okay." "You ready to go?" "Okay, so it's 1d10 times 10." "Yes." "Okay, I'm rolling that." "Holy shit." "70 damage." "Okay, that, fuck." "So, 70 damage to Una, which takes her down to 17 hit points, so this causes a tremendous amount of pain to Una as she's channeling this spell." "I would imagine everyone else is just kind of in the room?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Alright." "Yeah, I think 70 damage at one turn warrants a scream, so Una will scream." "Okay, that is perfectly reasonable." "There is a glow coming off of Una's hands as she is kind of hovering them above Bree's body, and the light becomes blinding at a certain point." "And the wound that was in Brianna's abdomen is healed except for a scar that's left behind." "Her body returns to the state it was in when she was murdered." "Go ahead and roll a flat d20 for me, please." "You ass." "Oh god, a d10, that's just 10. That's not bad, that's not good though, it's straight in the middle." "Please tell me this is one of those things where you don't want it to be too low or too high." "That might be the way she comes back." "Oh god." "She comes back as spiders.

Spider-man. I can't speak." "She comes back as spiders." "Spiders? Just a million spiders." "Her body falls apart into a giant sack of spiders. Just disgusting. A fucking wolf crawls out of the fucking ceiling, laughing." "Wolf." "Darkest timeline." "Yeah, really, that would just be like, 'welp, welcome to Theria.' Asshole destroying fucking continent." "Did you read that thing Xavier posted last night?" "Yeah." "He was asking me, 'there's no Bahamut, the god of justice?' Like, there's no justice in Theria." "It's whoever's king at the time, and it's like, 'well, it's his justice, so...'" "Totally, it's like, it's not about what you deserve, it's about what you can take." "Alright, 10." "For a few moments, nothing happens.

And then Brianna's body is going to jerk, as all of the sudden, it seems like every organ, everything in her body just switches back on." "And she is going to draw in the sharpest breath, almost as if it's causing her pain. So she's just gonna, like, her head's gonna snap back and *gasp*" "And I think that's a good time for us to stop tonight." "Oh, you fucker!" "What? We have time!" "Son of a whore." "Can't we just cut this into two episodes? Come on!" "Shit." "I think it's a good time for us to stop tonight." "Fuck you!" "Okay, when's the next time we can play?" "Tomorrow?" "Tomorrow?" "Let's play tomorrow." "Yes." "Alright, let's do this." "There's a group one tomorrow, guys." "Fuck group one!" "Wow!" "I could actually play literally any time tomorrow.

Why don't we just play another session right now? What the fuck is wrong with that?" "Yeah, let's just do it now. Come on." "I actually, let me see, are we, hold on a second, let me see if group two is still doing the thing where we're playing it too, because if they are, I could push myself and just do a second session right after that." "I would be available after like five-ish." "I'd be available all day, it's fine." "So I guess we're gonna see what the damage is tomorrow." "Maybe?" "If things work out." "She's alive, she just might be really fucked up because I rolled a ten." "You asshole." "She just forgot basic math." "I don't trust anything about you, Jason.

I don't trust you." "Why?" "We're not friends anymore." "Yeah we are." "No we're not, I've just decided that." "You've made that threat so many times." "Yeah, this time I'm closer to meeting it." "Nah." "She's black and that's all that matters." "Just like when you said you don't care, that was not, when you defeated the angel of death, that was not the cheer of someone who doesn't care." "Dude, I was happy, but I didn't care if I died." "You cared." "Sure, you care. That makes you feel better." "It does make me feel better." "Okay, go ahead." "Deep down in your black little heart, you care." "You call me black?" "Your heart races." "Well, congratulations everyone. I mean that's, I don't see where anyone should, I don't see where anyone should be able to complain.

Would you say that I softballed you in any way, shape, or form in that fight?" "No." "I don't know, I came out okay." "I think it touched." "Because you stayed in the back and yeah." "Well, like concealment, she was so well concealed, she was in the other room." "By a locked vault door. Yeah, I don't see, you would have been buried alive by skeletons. I, like, yeah, I don't see where anyone should be able to say, 'Oh, I was a softball.' I just, I don't see it, but we'll see." "Somebody will." "Someone always will." "It's not DNR if somebody, somebody complains." "Yeah, this one, I need a walk.

I was pretty nervous for this episode. I am so glad it worked out well." "Pussy." "Alright guys, I should go so that I have time to like hang out with my boyfriend before bed a little bit." "That is fair." "So, um, keep me informed, just send me a Facebook message. I won't get it until I get home, but if we're playing at seven anyway, that shouldn't matter. Unless they keep me for two extra hours and if that's the case, I'll just murder my boss and come home." "It'll be fine, we'll make it work. It's all good. You guys have a great night, thanks so much for sitting down." "Alright, have a good night." "Thank you." "Yeah, thank you everybody." "Bye." "Bye." "Love ya." "Bye." So, deep within the bowels of the city of Overwatch, Marcus Santa has been summoned to Santa and Carter's chambers and making his way past several guards, he would arrive at these very large double doors.

And I would imagine you would just kind of walk in, you've been asked to show up. "If I've been summoned, yes, I'm going to go in." "Alright. So, opening the door, is there anything you'd like to say, just kind of announcing your presence?" "It depends. Is he behind a desk or on a throne or what do I see when I step in?" "This wouldn't be a throne room, this would just be his, kind of, it's a very large, let's say study, just kind of a decompression place for him. And he's standing by this very large window, kind of looking out onto the city." "Alright, I take it there are guards on the outside?" "There pretty much are." "I figured there's much.

Alright, I will step in and shut the doors and then take a knee by my head and say, 'You sent for me, your highness?'" "And he is going to turn from the window, look at Marcus." "Marcus Sanah, you should take a seat. I think we have a lot to discuss."