This took a turn

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(coughing) - Peacocks. - This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. - Um, I think they mean us. - Oh, (bleep) Um, (clears throat) - With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. (dramatic music) - You're the Marine? - Yeah, you're the ex-con. - Yeah, I did time, but you only gotta cast aspersions at me. - From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and the Bourne Identity comes a new film. - It's your first job? - I know what I'm doing. - It's a little late for a crit change. - Starring Matt Damon. - Everybody in New England is after us. - And Casey Affleck. - Go, go, go, go, go! - What are you doing? - Taking notes. - Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. - The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. - Hi folks, this is Brianna. I play Judzia Grace in group three and Nen in the DRP group. Just here to remind you about our website. We are selling T-shirts. And don't forget to like our Facebook to get updates.

And rate us on iTunes if you have the time. And if you do check our Facebook and like it, you might see something really exciting coming up in the next two weeks. So that's definitely something you wanna do. And also, if you feel like it, you can follow our Twitters and when we go around the table today, maybe we can give you our Twitter handles. - All right, let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table. Start with Jamie. - Hello, my name is Jamie Richardson and tonight I'm gonna be playing Kava.

- And Tom. - Hey, I'm Tom, I play Travis Clam. - And Izzy. - Hey, I'm Izzy and I play Calith and Tip. - And Justin. - Hi, I'm Justin Massey, I play Shavar, human mage. - And Bree. - Hi, I'm Bree and I play Nen. - So last time on the show, you guys kind of established that you are a ragtag bunch of whores. - Some whores. - Some of you are whores. - Others are skilled at other things. - Some of you are just entertainers, or sweepers. - Strippers. (laughs) - You are all broke so you took a job from Graddock to go into the Silver Glade and you are looking for this lost elven tomb.

Along the way you met a young man named Trevor and he was leading you through the Glade when you were attacked by a werewolf. Trevor was bitten, you ended up taking down the werewolf and then kind of chasing Trevor off, which I'm sure works out well for everyone. I'm sure nothing bad happens. - Everything's fixed. - Everything's great. And that pretty much brings us up to now. Quick aside, that worked out so well in that group two session by the way, Jamie. - Oh my god, I know. - It was beautiful. - I love it. - Don't tell her. - Okay, can't say it. - Then why fucking say it?

- You told Jamie the thing. - That's true. I'm just gonna say there was this thing that tied DRP into group two and it's this neat little like circular thing. - It was cool. - Nice. - Okay. - All right, so you guys are, you believe you found the entrance to this tomb, you're standing outside of it and there is a werewolf corpse near you. What would you like to do? - Do werewolves have pockets? - It's got fur. - Lovely fur lined pockets. - Can I roll something to see if I would know or somebody roll something to see if I would know or somebody roll something to see if werewolf pelts are worth anything?

- Sure, go ahead. - That's history right there. - History. I have a plus seven. - Would that be street wise? - I have one that would be. - Yeah, that would be more street wise than anything. - Oh, I have a plus 10. - Damn, push street as hell. - Anybody? - Have you heard her talk? - That's right, cava. - You should give her a Brooklyn accent actually. Just add that in, okay? - Just switch it every episode, you'll be fine. - Just a different voice. People love that voice. - Yeah, it's a great fucking voice. - There were a few people concerned for your safety and wellbeing because they're pretty sure you were gonna blow up.

- Aw, well thank you for your concern, listeners. I appreciate it. - Can you hold on just a second? - Sure. - I opened up the group one table by accident. So now I have to find the other table. - That took you a really long time to realize. (laughing) - It did, I was wondering why I wasn't seeing any of the dicks or anything. I had to pick a point. (laughing) - Aw, you never got to see the dick. I'll have to draw a new one. - Goodie. (laughing) - Well so far I can't see any dicks. 17 streetwise, that's pretty damn decent. - So, werewolf pelts won't really be worth much in Lockford, but there are areas of the world where you can kind of, it's more of an exotic item.

Kind of like people have bearskin rugs, but they've never actually killed a bear. It's more like, eh, it's kind of like that. So like a wolfskin pelt, people do make clothing out of that and wraps and things like that. People also do make rugs and like they mount the heads and stuff like that. Kind of people who'd like to, it's like, "Oh, I was big game hunting," and that kind of thing. So it would be worth something to someone. - And what would I have to, would it be like a nature check to skin it? - Yes. - I only have a plus five. - I've got hella high, I've got 18 nature.

- Shit. - Go for it, Kaylin. - Where's that werewolf apart? - Just get it. - Is Kava gonna tell her to do it or she just, I don't think she'd do it on her own. - Oh, yes. - How would she phrase that? - Such a dainty voice clear. (all laughing) - That was so vile. Disgusting. - Okay. - Kaylin, skin the body so we can fetch a pretty penny when we go back to town. (Kaylin laughing) - Okay, Kaylin's gonna take out a knife and, oop, that's heal, just kidding, I wanna do nature. 35. - You've healed the werewolf and he is back to life. 35, oh yeah, that's, yeah, you skin this shit expertly.

You get it all in one peel like an orange. (Kaylin laughing) - In a little curly queue like an orange. - Yeah. It's like a zipper down the front of it. - Okay. - There's supposed to be a map and I'm not seeing it. - No, no, it's not revealed yet. So is everybody game for just like just having a campfire or just eating this thing? - Okay, let's have this discuss, is that cannibalism? - No, no. - I see stairs. - It's like half cannibal. - Do we care? - If it were cannibalism. - When was the last time you said- - I'm the last person to talk about cannibalism to be technical.

- Can I do a nature check to see if we can eat it? - You sure can. - 20, Calith would know that you can absolutely eat this. You could eat this werewolf. It isn't considered tainted or unless he were poisoned in battle or something and he wasn't. So the meat is edible. - Gonna take off his arm. - Can we break food? - Meat. - Dude, we're fucking flat broke. - Actually, I have like 4,000 something gold. - How? - I think all of us do, we're pretty well. - Dude, there are hella STDs in here. - Yeah, we talked about this last time. You have no gold, but the rest of us have tons.

- Oh, wow, this is a complete opposite from what it is on Group 3. - It is, that's true. Maybe that's what Jason did on purpose. - Well, I'm fucking starving because I have no goddamn money 'cause I bought this awesome scarf. I'm going to start butchering the body and just burning it. - Jason, quick question. Do vampires need real food? - Vampires don't really eat real food at all. It's just blood. I mean, you can eat real food, but you don't need it. - All right, I'm probably gonna opt out of the werewolf meat then. - There's probably some blood on it if you want it.

- Dog blood. - That's the thing, like you wouldn't taste it. Like you can technically eat it, but you wouldn't get any enjoyment out of it. You wouldn't taste the food. Kind of a shitty side effect. - Yeah, that sucks, I love food. - Then don't become a vampire. I would recommend in real life. Don't do it. - I'll avoid it. - But you become strong and fast. (laughing) - Sorry. So you're going to eat this werewolf? - Oh yeah. First he's gonna ask anybody else for it. He's gonna offer up like a hand. Just flop it around. - Wait, you're eating the hands? - No, he's got the arm, but he's just flopping the hand around.

Like he's got the muscly part. - Take two of the legs, start doing the can-cans. (laughing) - Like he's just asking like, he's like, "Anybody?" - No, you're good, man. - I mean, you know, it's no diced pizza, but I can make a deal with this. He's gonna set fire to the body and wait till it cools off. - Sounds like cooked white dog. (laughing) - What time is it in the day? - This would be evening. Like the day would be kind of coming to a close. - Do we want to camp here for the night? - I thought we left at night. - You left? - It's always night. We bring the night with us.

- It has to be night, doesn't it? - It does or else I die. I mean, I have a robe probably. - Well, you can travel in the daytime. Yeah, it's kind of Assassin's Creed hood type stuff. - You can't really fight though, right? - She can. It's just, as long as direct sunlight doesn't, because we kind of dealt with this with Doral, as long as direct sunlight doesn't touch her, she's okay. Now, if she were to get knocked prone or something, she could be dead in seconds. - Yeah, that's fine. So you know what? I'm not going to contest the fact that we left at night and now it's night.

I'm just gonna enjoy it. - Well, I mean, it's not a ridiculous amount of time that it would have taken you in, but yeah, whatever. It's night. That's what we're... - Okay. I believe you. Why are there stairs? - You'll see. - So do we want to make camp or what are we going to do? - Well, I mean, I can only travel at night, so... - Yeah, we can just keep going. It's all right. - Well, we're going underground. - Are we going underground? - We're going to the stairs. - Oh, well, I'm not metagaming. I'm sorry. - Well, we're supposed to get an artifact, so odds are it's going to be underground.

- I just assumed that... Do our characters see the stairs? - Well, what you would see would be this... Roll a perception check. Let's see what you see. - Can we roll? - Yeah, please do. - Sweet. - 31. - 28. - Almost a crit. Are we allowed to say that when Justin's right here? - I don't know, Justin? - That's the only thing that makes it valid. - I guess... - Scroob 2 says it all the time. - No, I know. I heard. - Oh, Travis did roll a crit. - Yeah. - Wait. - Oh, I like that. - Did Travis run into the... Oh, no, no, no, I'm sorry. I'm stupid. Travis is okay. He's good. - Okay, so Travis, Nim, and Calith would all see that there is kind of a mossy overhang.

Again, most people kind of skip by it. You guys have stumbled upon it. And towards the back of this, it's covered in ivy and kind of forgotten to time. Nature's reclaimed a bit of it. But there is this large kind of stone wall, this really flat, smooth, polished stone wall. And there appears to be something written in Elvish. - Cool, so Calith is just gonna read that out to everybody. Here lies the final resting place of... - Please. - Seraphic? - It's been lost forever. - Seraphic. - Mm-hmm. - Seraphis? Seraphis? Seraphis, Seraphis Dragonzoll. (laughs) He's Seraphic.

- There's no I, though. - That was my first thought. - I'm gonna go with Seraphis. - Well, there's no I after the F. - Well, Jason, how the fuck did you say it? Because you wrote it. - Serf. - So you realize, like, Serif. - Serf. - Okay, well, well, Calith. - There's no I. There's no Serf. - She speaks, she speaks in a dialect of Elvish. - Serfics. - Serfics Dragonzoll. (laughs) - Serfis Dragonzoll. Serfis. Serfis Dragonzoll. There we go. - Keep coming up with a new pronunciation every time. - Windows Serfis Dragonzoll. (laughs) - It's our first product placement, guys.

Okay, I'm trying to slip it in as nicely as possible, but you're really... - Protector of the Glade and Keeper of the Cup. All his kin are welcome. Does anybody, uh... - What the fuck does that mean? - Serf. (laughs) - Only elves can enter safely? Should someone do a trap check or Dungeoneering type deal? - Uh... - If this guy was racist? - Arcanine? - Because most people here seem to be, so... - I've got, I've got plus 11 to Dungeoneering. - I got plus five, I think I should take this. - I got a plus 16 to history. Could I do a history check on that? Like maybe I could find out who that guy is.

- Serfic? - Yeah. - Serfis? - Terrific. Terrific Dragonzoll. (laughs) - It's great. I don't understand why you're having such a hard time. - Soft of a Dragonzoll. - All right. - Nearly says Serfis. - Serfis. - History. - I don't know. - What do I know? I'm a script. - 35, Jesus, okay. Very nice. So, um... - I need you to tell me how fucking nice my roll is, all right? - Okay. - I'm gonna fucking grip, all right? (laughs) - You're in that role, Jason. (laughs) - I didn't say he didn't. So Serif Dragonzoll was a leader in this area. There are different clans of elves kind of spread out around the world.

And the Dragonzolls were kind of known as a very special sect of elves. They were born with what many consider to be a defect. And that is that they could actually communicate with dragons. So they were kind of shunned by the other sects of elves. And this particular glade in general was kind of just a patch of forest no one wanted. So he kind of led his people here, and they set up camp in the Silver Glade. Now, when they weren't defending themselves from monsters or horrible abominations, they were kind of trying to protect themselves from other groups of elves who thought that they should not be alive.

That there was something twisted about them, they shouldn't be able to communicate with dragons, and that that could be used for evil purposes. So this guy would actually protect them from awful, horrible, you know, elven assassins who would try to wipe out their lineage. So he protected them for a very long time here, and he's kind of like a local elven folk hero. So this guy, he just watched over the people that could actually, the elves that could speak to dragons and shit. Yes? No? Sorry, I'm reading. Yes. Essentially. The other thing you'd know about him was that he was the last one to hold onto the quaian in Lyra.

Like, he was the last one to hold that cup. Like, it was supposedly buried with him just to keep it from falling into the wrong, like, the harmful hands. Like, someone who would use that to hurt someone. Well, we are the harmful hands. Um, Shavar's just gonna say to the group, he's just gonna relay that, like, yeah, yeah, he means that we can go in now. We can just pass right through. Grab his cup. I don't think that's the case. Did I repeat that to everyone, what I actually knew about that, or am I just... It's up to you. No, I'm not gonna repeat what I actually know.

Oh, good. Yeah, let's just get in there, we can go in there and get out. And get money. Can I roll the engineering just in case? Uh, you absolutely can. I don't trust the mage. Twenty-four. Um, I would imagine you're looking, like, right at the wall you're standing in front of? Um, yeah, or if there's, like, the mossy thing, then, like, looking past it or something. Uh, Keyleth isn't detecting any traps, um, there does appear to be, uh, there does appear to be a section of the wall, even though it looks smooth and blends in, there does appear to be a section that is a door.

That would let you inside. Uh, it looks like the bit with the stone etched into it, like the writing, like that appears to be where the door would be. Okay, I'm gonna push it open. Um, the second Keyleth touches it, this big heavy stone block kind of swings effortlessly inward. Well, that was easy. So, what do we see when we walk in? Um, the second that door slides open, a smell escapes this place. Awesome. Ew. Smells like pie, freshly baked pie. Pie with shit in it. The thing we were coming after again? Just a little bit of shit, that's it. Uh, it smells like death, is what it smells like.

Cool. And I don't mean that it smells bad, I mean literally it smells like death. Uh, and if you'd like to place all of your characters right here, uh, there is a set of stairs that are descending downward. You know what, I'm a gentleman, so I'm gonna let you guys go first. That's... Wait, you're up front. Yeah, his character isn't very bright. I'm gonna direct that. 'Cause if we were doing it that way, there would be no actual... I'm almost bumping, what do you want from me? I'm gonna let you guys go first, I think he's like, touching with his nose on the door.

On my hands and knees crawling into the dentist. I'll just hang back, you guys. Go ahead. Directly into danger. Um... You got this, right? Uh, so, you're all kind of like positioned on the steps, heading down. These steps don't go down very deep. It goes down about a floor, and then there is a small corridor in front of you that's lit with torches. So, these torches are lit, they are, it looks like it's been maintained, this particular portion, for whatever reason. And there is a large set of double doors in front of you, big wooden iron reinforced doors.

Okay. Traditionally, that's when you would do something. So there's iron doors, right? Let's go home, guys. Yeah, it's like, doors, no one said there'd be doors. Fuck that door. I'm going right down to the bottom of the steps without touching the bottom of the floor on the next room. And I want to use my dungeoneering on the door. I'm gonna use it. And, where is it? Is it ten? Boom! Well, you're gonna need to get close to the door if you're gonna use it on the door. Fine! Like to hide behind, um... ...the margins. It's gonna be okay, guys, it's smooth sailing from here.

Giant explosion. Uh, so, Shevar is running, he's checking out the door for traps. Right as hard as he possibly can. Eh eh eh eh eh. Um, the door itself, it appears to be just a large reinforced door. It does appear to be locked, however. Shit! I didn't plan for this. I have a pretty good thievery. Is that lock-in stuff? Yeah, it is. Alright, I have a plus ten. Anybody else? Nah. Alright, I pick a lot of pockets, so I'm gonna come up here. Whee! Uh, let's not fail this. How's the twenty-four sound? Uh, twenty-four sounds just great, actually. Um, so, wait a sec. So that would mean you're stepping right up to the door, correct?

Yes. Okay. But not any closer than he stepped. Oh, then you won't be able to reach out. I'm just gonna reach out my hands really far. Okay, can I do a dungeoneering on the ground then right next to us? Um, you can. Go ahead. Eh! How about twenty-four? Oh, one better than what I did before. Moving on up. It's a different color right here. Directly in front of the door, Shavar is going to notice these tiny little perforations all around the front of this door. And it would appear to be as though there is some sort of trap right in front of this door here. What kind of trap?

Uh, you're not quite sure. It just appears to be iffy. Does it look like it's set off by weight? Um, it looks like it would be set off by pressure, yeah. Is my raccoon small enough? Ooh. That's using your noodle. I told you guys fuck that door. Nem, that's you. That's all you. Swing at him. Um. So far, but. Okay, what if I gave her raccoon my tools and taught the raccoon how to use them. I was about to say, her raccoon is talented. I don't think it's an expert lock picker. Dude, it's got tiny little hands. It could probably fit its hands in the fucking lock. I feel the Jesus raccoon debate coming on again.

How about, can somebody just disarm the traps, not me? Yeah, can someone just, can we all perception-alize the trap and see if we can theorize the trap? You sure can perception-alize it. 22. It's a five-slope of a word. I didn't know this shit. Ooh, natural 20 dude, you got it. Common just kicked the, like just punched the trap until it stuck. Fuck that door! Kicks the trap. Just kicks the door open and jumps over the trap. Calm down, mister. You're a songbird. You're a songbird. Checking out this trap a bit more, you can see that there is a switch on the wall.

It's, it's... An off switch? Well, technically yes, but it... It's for the lights. It blends in so well with the wall that, almost unless you knew it was there, you'd never see it. But Kava's keen eye picked it up. For money. She needs that money. She knows. Okay. Is it clearly just like a, if I push this button, this trap will go off thing? Kava has a really good feeling about it. Yeah, she is a... She's going to look around at the rest of her team and give them a "you fucking idiots" glare and push the button. Okay. You can't find my shield, oh god. So that would enable Nem to get closer.

I'll use the roll you are used. And you hear, after Nem fiddles with this lock for a few seconds, you hear this really big, like, click. And the doors are now unlocked. Cool. See, there wasn't nothing to be scared of, you guys. Alright. You guys can stay in front. You're the best knight. I'm defending the... Is there some good at knighting things? Defending the prayer. Let's do it. Yeah. Door. Seriously. So, Kava and Caliph know what the fuck is behind this door. Travis does not. And, because he rolled a six. And I rolled a five, so I do not either. Now what's behind the door?

Wait, wait, I need to roll, I'm sorry. Fourteen, I don't know. You don't know shit. Let's... So the door is unlocked. And I'm imagining you're pushing it open. As you push it open, the door to the entrance is going to swing shut with this loud thud behind you. Fuck. Okay. Which could be good. Can I run back upstairs and try to open it? Just keep breaking the door handle. Uh, you sure can. Okay, I'm gonna run up and pound on the door and vanish. Make an athletics check, please. Oh, I can do that all day. But, bam. Shucks. Uh, twenty-three. So Travis is going to pound and kind of kick and pound at this door and it will not budge.

Oh my god. Is there a lock to be picked? Uh, no, there isn't. Nah, fuck. Okay, so... Kava's gonna look back and just roll her eyes at Travis as he's freaking out. Like he's half a bitch. Yeah. Fucking pussy. You doomed me. Uh, opening the door there is a much larger corridor outside here. And none of the torches are lit beyond this door, so it's pretty dark. Shevar? I believe this is you? I got this. Uh, I'm gonna cast light at the... You're gonna cast light torches into the darkness? No, well, I cast like a beam of light, like a little... Like Dumbledore's time?

Yeah. Just like right in the center of the room. Flashlight hands, huh? You should like listen for a second or something, because you're gonna light that and there's gonna be a fucking dragon in there or some shit. Oh hey guys, and there's fire. Oh, hi Mark. Uh, I wanna do a Dungeoneering check also. Uh, go right ahead. We'll use the next dragon that we run into just to have Tommy Pithrow. In the room, just like... We can do that. It'll be funny. Oh hi Mark. Oh hi Adventurers. What are we referencing right now? The room? Oh, we gotta watch the room. Oh my god, it's so good.

I don't think I've ever seen The Room. Oh my god! I know it either. Did this dog or critic do an episode of The Room? Because then I can get the gist of it. I'm sure he did. No, no, no. Look, he did. I have to watch it. We gotta sit on Skype one night and watch that and then Birdemic. It'll be like a double changer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Dude, Birdemic is too poor. I refuse to watch Birdemic again. It's too poor. It's too bad. It's so good. It's so, so good. No, it's so bad, it's not even funny anymore. I know, I know, but it's so good. Let's hold the background again to being shitty.

If you watch it with enough people, it's good. I know. It's really bad. It's not as good as The Room. I've never been one of those people who likes stupid movies. Yeah, that's just a plain dumb movie though. Like it's just boring. There's nothing happening in it. Okay, so. It's like I'm moving ahead, let's go. It's like don't you know you mean shit because you're just gonna keep moving forward. Um, 16. I actually imagine that happening in game though. Like, Shavar's like checking the place out, like ducking his head in, and Kava's just like, fucking go. Jesus.

He just marches ahead. So that's why we're in debt right now, because you're bullshit. That's why this company's in the shape. They just gotta say that out loud. Um, alright so Kava's. This is not how I thought it would. Uh, Kava's just marching ahead. Nope. Yeah. Okay. Uh, stepping into the room just beyond the door. Uh, Kava didn't see that there are a second strip of pressure plates just beyond the door. Yay. Uh, 17 versus your reflex. That hits me. Okay. Reflex is like one of my shittiest things. Because you're like a 400 pound dragon lady. Is she really? She's old as shit too.

Yeah, and she's old, she's arthritis, she can't move. She's like, "She's wonderful." So Kava's going to step into this room and instantly these razor sharp pontoons are going to jut up from the floor and secure her feet, causing 25 damage. No. And that happens. And someone's phone goes off. Take a look at him. Um, so I imagine the rest of the party is going to see this. So now you know that right in this general area, there's a second set of traps. Can you roll athletics, dracobatics and jump over it? Yes, sure can. Okay, I'm going to try to do that. Does 18 make it?

Uh, let's see here. 18 does not quite make it. Are you serious? Can my raccoon help me out? Oh, come on. Ow, okay. Throw you over. I really don't see a way your raccoon can help me out. Paint a picture. I dare you to paint a picture where that would be. Okay, okay, okay. Let's go slingshot. Let's see. I throw my raccoon into the trap to lighten my load. Um, okay, here we go. I leave my raccoon on the other side of the room or whatever. I go to jump over the thing. I'm jumping over. The raccoon sees that I'm not going to be able to do that. And so it jumps and it hits me in the back and it gives me an extra little pushover.

Wow. Your jetpack raccoon's not going to fly here, lady. Come on. That's pretty clever. And that's totally feasible. Jetpack, fly, get it. If I roll for the raccoon to do that. Okay, let's do this. Because I'm going to give you points for your creativity. But that's going to be a high check because this raccoon wouldn't weigh enough to change the trajectory of your flight. I'm an elf. I weigh like 100 pounds. If that thing weighs like 25 pounds, it could totally change its trajectory. That would not weigh 25 pounds doing all the mental shit it's doing. What kind of raccoon do you have?

Right. I don't know how much raccoon weight. Your raccoon would have diabetes. How much do raccoons have? Dude, you actually weigh 135 pounds. That's total weight. That's like with my arm and everything. Let's see, your raccoon. Adult raccoons weigh from 10 to 30 pounds. Right, but the raccoon. It's this little thing scurrying up your arm. If it were 30 pounds, it's not scurrying up your arm. This other one says 15 to 40. Okay, pick one because it's either nimble and quick or it's this bruiser of a raccoon. Okay, I'll say it's in the middle. It's like 20. Okay, then you have really strong arms.

Let's do this. Okay, let me find your raccoon because this is just dumb. I hope you fell this shit out of this chunk. Dude, you should have been there in Missouri. Do you think this is just a... Jesus raccoon? Read the candidates play fair and present. That's what I said. I had a shield. So your raccoon has an athletics of 8, so go ahead and roll an athletics check for your fucking raccoon. Yeah. At least I tried. Yep, you did. I'll give you points for creativity. You did come up with something that was feasible. I didn't think you would. So, Tiv is going to launch himself at Kayla's back and try to push her forward, but unfortunately...

She just falls right down on it. Both you and Tiv are going to fall backwards. Tiv is going to narrowly miss this trap though. Caleth is going to land square in the trap. So this may not hit you though. You don't know. Can I use her body to get past? You like a bridge? 24 versus your reflex. Yeah, that hits. Why does my reflex suck so much? I'm a fucking elf. Yeah, but you got chump gear on, so... 20 damage to Caleth. Caleth is going to be a little fat. God. What about everyone else here? You know what? I'm a man. I'm a fucking... Alright. On three. Oh wow, shit. 28.

Travis is going to clear this thing clean. He's just going to leap clean over it. Very impressive, sir knight. Can I go over to pull one of them over to assist? Like over the trap? Yeah, you guys can assist each other, sure. Who needs help? I don't know what your pluses are. I'll do it up in here. I'll help you. Can I hold my shield out and they can grab it like a boogie board? Like a lifeguard? Justin, after you. Can I use the ability Arcane Gate? Doesn't really have much information there. I'm not sure what the... It says it creates two rifts. Yes, so that's a thing where you basically open a dimensional doorway on your side and you can...

Up to ten spaces away, you can open another door and you just kind of like phase through reality to go to the other side. So, you don't need my help? No, I'm just going to use that. I'm going to space ghost. Pow! Right there. Coast to coast. Yes. Um, increase dimensional revenue. It lasts until my next turn if you want to use it. That's okay, I can just turn into a bat whenever I feel like it. Can I do a heal check on myself? Yeah, sure can. Kem's going to make like a really big deal. Like she's going to back up and she's going to like stretch and then she's going to run forward and then she's going to stop right before it turns into a bat and go over it.

This would be a show off. Yep. Does that count as an encounter by the way? Like do I get that back almost immediately? No. That was an encounter? Well, it's an encounter power so when do I get back? Well, technically... Tyler could just do it whenever he wanted outside. Yeah, you're fine. That's part of it. I really didn't limit that because it comes with a lot of negatives, the vampire thing, so it's fine. Alright, Shavar didn't know that she was a vampire so he's going to back up to the wall and piss himself. Hey, Squeam, you're a fucking vampire? Um, let's see, what's my bluff?

Let me see here. Oh, plus 16. Fucking dog, I haven't seen shit. Guys, should I convince him that I didn't turn into a bat or just that I have like cool bat shape-shifting powers but I'm totally not a vampire? You should convince him that we didn't even turn into a bat. Just convince him that he's on the blood route again. Okay, yeah, I'm going to say... Man, I thought you were clean. Come on. Dude, you're seeing birds and shit. It was that werewolf name. That's what it was. That werewolf you had to... The werewolf's coming back on me. I told you, teeth ash. You don't know what it ate, come on.

You don't know where I've been. So what is it, perception or insight? She has to pass. She has to pass your passive perception. This is passive. Wait, what's yours? Plus 16? Oh wait, okay, no, it'd be insight because she's... Then she already has it, I'm at 15. He's stupid as shit. No, I didn't turn into a bat. It must just be your imagination. Maybe you should stop taking so much fucking blood route. And 17, but it's a 1. Well, that's a crit miss. Does he not believe me? Yeah, isn't that how that works? Crit miss always fails. No, it really doesn't work. It doesn't...

If it's already. Yeah, you're fine. Alright, yeah, you're making things up. I'm glad that even with a crit 1 I get a 17. It's like you already had... you didn't even have to try it. But that was so fucking embarrassing. It's like, oh, okay, I guess that's true. No, that's the second time I've rolled a bluff in this game and the first time was a 2. Okay, wait, I got 29 for my heal check. What do I get for that? You spend a healing surge. Okay. Outside of combat you just do a healing surge. Well, no, there has to be a healing. There has to be a check. But I mean, usually healers can just do that.

She's the healer anyway, so... Usually her heal is high enough so that it just does it. Like, you get a 15 or above. So, you're good. You can actually spend healing surges until you're full if you like. You're outside of combat. Sweet, I'm doing that. Uh, Kava, the same would go for you. I'm trying to see... I don't know, I can't remember how much my surge value is. Well, if you just press the plus to add hit points and then you go use surges. Alright. Surge value is 22. Damn. You're lucky. Wow. I've got 12 of them too. God damn. Bitch won't die. Okay, I'm going to cast on my staff light.

So it's just right at the tip of my staff. Okay. God damn it, Tom. We were almost adults. Alright, I'm going to use Dungeoneering in front of this door. Okay. I'm going to use Dungeoneering right now. 17. Almost a crit. You're moving closer to the door, I take it? Yeah, I'm just going to... Yeah, because you can't do it from the other side of the room. Closer to the... Uh, Shavar's not picking up any traps in front of this door. Now, let me tell you guys what you see. Run a perception check, please. 10. 22. 25. Kava's busy picking a wedgie. But like really obviously in the way old people do.

Yeah. Like your cheeks are so flappy at this point, but like you really have to get in there. She's a vision of us. Oh, tree weaver. Just getting up there kind of like... God damn it, that's gross as shit. Anybody else turned on? Just me? This saggy old grandma panties. I don't know something about that giant lizard does upon me. Uh, Calith and Nem are going to be able to see all the way to the other end of this corridor. All the way in the back end, there... I'm going to die in here, oh damn. There appear to be a set of steps leading down. There are also three doors you can go through.

The closest one to you would be on your right, and it would be another large set of double doors. Big wooden doors kind of reinforced with iron. And then you have two smaller sets of doors towards the other end of the corridor. Good for the story, I mean it's already right here. So we have to make a decision. Nem's going to ask Calith if she sees any traps, because she's clearly the dungeoneering type person. I'll check. Nope. No I do not. It's fine guys, we cleared the traps, now we're good. We can just go, it's fine. Okay. I should stay a bat through this whole thing.

I don't think I talk as a bat. Can I do like a history or like a nature check or something to determine like what is maybe the most like, I don't know, elven-y kind of dungeon tomb door, I guess? How about you check where the stank's coming from, because I don't want to go in that door. That's actually a good one. Okay, can I smell where the smell is coming from? Roll a perception for me please. Because that's some scary shit. 17. The scent of death seems to surround you from all sides. You can't exactly tell where it's coming from, but since you walk through these doors, and it kind of walked down the stairs, it seems like it's getting thicker in the air.

Like the air itself has this kind of palpable stench as you're making your way through. Can I do a roll, a history check on this door? A history check on the door? Yeah, to like see if like, like it just- It was cut from a spruce about seven years ago. No, no, no, no, no, this kind of makes sense. Shabar's back. To see if like dust is on the door handle, or if it's been used recently or something like that. That's a perception roll, that's not history. That's history because I'm checking the history. I think you should roll an arcana to see if there's any magic coming from any direction, like down the stairs or one of the doors.

Oh yeah, you might be able to pick up where the gravy boat is. Yeah. Come on magician, do some magic. Arcana, and I'm checking. Almost 34. On the opposite side, it feels like on the opposite side of the door that you're standing in front of, Shabar, there's definitely some source of magic. You're also feeling a slight pull coming from the opposite end of this corridor leading further into the tomb. This right here? That whole general area, like this whole back half. Okay. You're feeling something. Like it seems to be surrounding you, like every direction leads to something magical.

So guys, oh go ahead. I'm sorry, but if we kick down this door, then there's something behind here that could be good or bad. I think we should check all rooms because I want cool stuff. Alright. That one's closer to the entrance, so I'll pick that one. I'll stand right behind the knight while he opens up this door. I'll stand right behind the fuck you, you can open it yourself. I'm not sharing. We already did his engineering, correct? Uh, you did. Yeah. Okay. I'm not scared, she'll open the fucking door. Cats! Cats are on the other side! Cats everywhere. The stage of death is pervasive as the cats swarm you.

They've eaten their owner. Enchanted cats. Let's go put them in the other room, I'm sorry. I'm such a defiant man. Don't open that door, you dumb bitch! No! I kind of want to listen to the cat now. Don't you see, you ruined us all. He sounds like he's knowledgeable. I think we should go to the other door, guys. You'll be the death of us all, you're in a clear war. I'm going to dramatically kick open the door. Okay, make an athletics check please. I'll make it, I don't know if it's going to be any good. Athletics, 22! Nice. Takes the shit out of the door. He absolutely does.

Um, Chivar is, how would you like to try that? Just, just with my dominant foot just rolling around. With my dominant foot just reach up, stall for a second, just *browl* Alright. So Chivar is going to try and kick this door open. Dominate the door. And it is not going to budge. Okay. And it's going to do five damage to your ankle. Okay, that hurt. I mean, like, that hurts. So these doors appear to be fairly sturdy. It was pretty cool though. But it looked badass. It was pretty embarrassing. Up to the point where you hopped around with your hands around one ankle just *ow ow ow ow ow* Like, is there a lock?

Um, it does appear to be locked, yes. Hey guys, um. I don't want to sound like a simpleton, but those are wood doors, right? One of us can breathe fire. Yeah, one of us can also pick locks, Travis. And somebody should be up fucking front, dude. Nem is going to give that, like, you fucking morons look. I'm making sure nobody sneaks up on us. That door's locked up there, you puss. Um, Nem's going to give everyone like that, really, kind of look, and go and pick the lock. I think I twisted my ankle. 23. Uh, Nem is going to fiddle around with this lock. And after a couple of seconds, she is going to give up in frustration.

This appears to be beyond her abilities to open. Oh, what now, smarty pants? We have a lock. Pick. Mmm. Set it on fire. Break it open. I dare you. A double dog dare you. Charge it. Yeah, Kava, this may be for you. Okay. Kava is, uh, going to try to kick down the door. I will remind you, everyone can assist if they'd like. Yeah, let's all do it. I learned my lesson. Teamwork, guys. You're going to kick it down? I thought you were going to breathe fire on it and melt it. I can do that. Yeah. Oh, that's something you can do, too. Like to use your dragon breath? Uh-huh. I feel like nobody's listening.

I listened. I listened. I appreciate you. I appreciate you, too. Uh, all right. Do me a favor and let's roll an attack on this door here. Uh, D20+13 on the door for everybody. Uh, well, no, this is Kava. She's fire attacking. Can we assist by blowing? Like, like you're trying to get, like, a fire start? Like Tinder and shit. Yeah. Uh, this is an attack, so you can't really assist. You can cheer her on, but this is an attack. You can't really assist an attack. Well, can I just roll something, like diplomacy or something like that? It doesn't have to help. You want to diplomasize the door?

Hey, come on, man. Open the chest of me. You're going to diplomasize her. Bam. I actually do have something that could help. Could I use Gaze of Ruin before she starts? She already did it. I already rolled. Oh, okay, never mind. It hits the door, so you're fine. That's good. 25 will definitely hit that door. It's right in front of her. Wait, does she have to roll to attack the door? Yeah. Like, not do that. Like, she rolled to attack the door. Well, she is old. In case she misses, you know. I want to see if she clean misses. That was more money. That's what it looks very door-like today.

She sneezes and inhales the fireball. So, Kava's going to kind of let loose with this fiery blast at the door. Go ahead and roll damage for it. It's 1d6+3. She probably could have just spoken to it and would have just fucking caved in it anyway. It's like, "Oh, my, it's gone." Oh, god. Unlocks itself. 1d6+3. Yes, ma'am. Climbs off its hinges and just leaves. That's right in the way. The doors curl back. Chugga-chugga-chugga. Crook. Gorgeous. So, breathing fire at this door, she is actually going to burn a hole large enough for someone to stick their arm through.

She is going to brush off her shoulders like, "Oh, yeah." That's an arm, though. It's not like a person who fit through there. A raccoon? Ah, valid. Can't somebody just stick their arm in and open the door? Okay, Kalis is going to put her face in front of the hole, just kind of like see if she can see anything through it. Roll a perception check, please. Snarling teeth. Not through the hole, just next to the hole. Right, not like stick your head through the hole. Cut this off for me. He sounds very smart. I'm going to do this. Just like a guillotine. Hello. 25.

Kalis is going to lean down and the second her face gets near this hole, it's going to feel like a goddamn blast furnace. And at first, she's thinking, "Well, that makes sense. This fire was just all over this door." But there is a definite heat source coming from the opposite side. And looking through, she can see jettison, uh, jets of flame breathing back and forth across a long hallway. Oh, El Diablo. Okay, she's going to just like shrink back and just like, "Shit is fucked in there." We're going to not go through there. There's some fiery fucking crazy bullshit happening.

On to the next door. Can I tell if it looks like traps or if it looks like, like a... It's intermittent. So it's, there are, it looks to be two jets of flame on either side and it's kind of sprinkled throughout the hallway. So they'll just almost randomly breathe jets of fire back and forth. Okay, so... Dude, Nem could just fucking fly over that shit. Well, how high is the ceiling? It's true. Is it like it's going to touch her no matter what or what? If it's intermittent, she should be fine. Um, the ceiling looks just high enough for people to fit. It's not a high, like, vaulted ceiling.

Okay. So this is, this is like... So you can't fly above the flames and just like be safe. You have to go through it as is intended. I picture him going in like all different directions. Like, exactly. Well, a bat would have, yeah, a bat would have much, a much easier time kind of navigating it. It's a much smaller target. Okay, I'm going to take my hand through the door and open it from the other side if I can. Um, do me a favor and... Actually, yeah, you can actually do that. That's totally fine. So the door, there's like a latch on the other side of it. So you can access that from that side and it unlocks.

And the door is going to go ahead and swing open. That is a really unreasonable... My thinking is though that these tunnels are like ancient and shit, so I don't want to leave any room unexplored, only because there's got to be something really cool in at least one of them. Yeah, let's explore all of them. Fuck it. Dude, we've got Nem. She can do bat shit over this and then go turn it off on the other side. There's an off button here? Yeah, Dungeoneering to see if there's an off button anywhere. You'd have to be in the hallway to do it. Um, Dungeoneering to check if there are any traps or anything like that.

Other than the fucking flaming ones. Giant shooting force. I was about to say. I checked the door and around it. Okay, fine, fine, fine. She's going to step through. Okay. Make a, make a, make a fucking roll. Just do it. Just go. No, no, there's no way to be made. You're so paranoid. I wonder why. Episode two is a way to come out. 26th Engineering. Is there any off switch that I can see? Um, Calith does not see an off switch for this particular trash. What are these? Oh, do I not, I can't see the symbols, but are those in there for real? Um, yes. They are written in elven.

They, uh, well, Calith can read them. They would appear to be the names of different elves. Almost like, um, like in the morning. Died in a blast of fire I created. You're Goliath's charge. Brother of Todd. Um, go ahead. Son of Ferpenand. No, no, go ahead. Um, Cabba is gonna ask Nem, are you comfortable going in there? She doesn't feel like she gets a shit about your comfort. Define comfortable. She's looking up the Webster's name. She's in there. It's under C, right? I really don't know how she'd react to that because comfort for her is completely different than what it actually is.

We'll say that, um, Cabba does have a resistance to fire. That's true. I couldn't find what it actually is. Like, I think it's negative five. Yeah, I want to say it's five. It's usually five. Though I have one that's ten for something. I actually resist fire ten, so, uh. Bullshit. Yeah, I know. Say, is my shield any good? Because she's a tiefling and a vampire. Oh, yeah. The tiefling thing. Devil. Vampire, will that cancel it out? No. But she's still a tiefling. So really it is the smartest choice for you to go through. Yeah, I'll be a bat. Alright. Is my shield of any use in this?

It's made of wood? No, it's iron. It's a shield made of wood. My car's made out of a tree! It's made of kerosene. I have a kerosene too. It goes right up really fast. Wow, wow! You shield yourself with a milk jug full of fucking kerosene or something? It's just a portable gas can. I lost the cap so I just stuffed a bunch of paper towels in the tub. Your shield is a Molotov. Your shield would give you kind of a plus to... Okay. The problem is, if you picture it logistically, they're on either side of you, so you can only put the shield in one direction. I'd put it in front of me and just try to run real fast.

Okay, you're starting to get burned from the sides. Close your eyes really tightly, they can't see you. Right, like a cat. Alright, so Nem is going to try to get to the other side, correct? Okay. I'm going to become a bat. Okay, Nem transforms into a bat. And as you pass each one of these flame jets, go ahead and make an athletics check. And add two to it because... Can I do acrobatics? Can I argue that acrobatics would work? Give me the argument. She's in the air. I'm in the air? That's a good one. She's kind of dodging. Yeah, I'm dodging shit. I actually don't see how it's athletics in this case because I'm literally trying to weave my way in and out.

Okay. It's not about physical force, it's about finesse. That's actually true. Okay, go ahead. Acrobatics then. 25. You will clear the first set of flame jets and kind of nimbly dodge them as they spit fire into the room. Nem is just going to flutter around and it's going to miss her. Alright, and next one. 27. Again, nimbly dodging as she makes her way to the other end of the hallway. Last set. Are you adding the +2? I am not. This is just flat. And 21, +2, 23. The last set is going to catch one of her wings. Even with a 23? Even with a 23, yeah. Still going to catch one of her wings.

Okay. So, let's go ahead and roll an attack. 23 versus your fortitude. Fortitude. 18, yeah. Hit. Okay. 24 damage. Minus 10. 14 damage. I'll take 14 of that. Okay, cool. On the other side, because you have made it to the other room here. Check for an off switch. I'm fucking out of here. Oh my god, there's so much there. I don't want to be over here alone, guys. It's like going to an old broom closet in a stadium and just finding bodies. Like, bodies that have been there for a while. Oh, I see what those are now. Okay. Do me a favor. Do me a favor, Nemin. Roll perception, please.

Okay. But those might be your people, though. True. She's gonna fucking attack me all day. It's okay if I go back over the flames. They have to walk through the flames to get at me. So, as long as they're not flaming whatever. Zombies? I'm assuming zombies. Bob-a-mummy? Well, right now you're just a bat. You're not an enemy. It's true. I'm just another bat. There's probably a bunch of them down here. We're gonna have to limit this bat thing. You just said no limit. I know. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Find an off switch. Do engineering for an off switch. Hit it with one of your little bat feet so you don't have to turn.

Just aim at it. Aim at yourself against it. Just stab at it with your foot. Rolling. Okay. Rolling. Okay. So, looking around this room, you're gonna see more etchings all over. And kind of putting two to two together, you're guessing that this is like a little burial tomb, like a crypt. And as you're looking around the room, you're also seeing a set of chests on the opposite side. Fuck you. So, it's up to you how you'd like to do this. To roll the dungeoneering, I'm gonna have to ask you to transform. Mm-hmm. That's what I was thinking. Jacob's up. The second I transform, something's gonna attack me.

Maybe not. Maybe not. That's a pessimistic view of the world. I'm just saying. This is a pessimistic world that you've created. This is fucking Theria. It's fine. Don't worry about it. They don't even have rainbows here. Well, they do, but the rainbows only have two colors. And they're black and a slightly lighter shade of black. It's mud brown and gray. It's just a moderate shooter. That's a... Everything just looks like Gears of War. Okay. It's a form of a bat. It says, "I cannot make attacks or hold or carry any object." Those are the two limitations. Can I speak?

You cannot speak. You are a bat. Can I squeak? You can squeak. Force code, squeak to us. Can I squeak with emotions so that if they roll a high enough insight, they'll know what I want? Oh my god. That squeak has a bit more urgency. You want to go for a walk. Like, that kind of squeak. Can she squeak so that my raccoon understands her? You have a bilingual raccoon. Yes. Can't we just do a nature check to see exactly what that means? Well, the thing is her raccoon originally came from a rough neighborhood and he had to learn bats. Are you saying that all bats live in rough neighborhoods?

Are you saying that bats are in a neighborhood? Jason, is that what you're saying? I'm not. I'm just saying that in that particular rough neighborhood it was predominantly bats. That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying that there's a correlation for all bats. In that particular neighborhood it was mostly bats. This is getting racy. We never got the answer to this question. Can we just do a fucking nature check? I can't do any checks. No, no, I mean, I'm saying, like, can we just look at you and say- Yeah, actually, if she squeaks and I do a nature check, I've got a plus 18.

That'll be fine. Shiza, do that. That doesn't, okay. Wait, I could- My little bat language, I'm gonna be like- Okay, wait, wait, wait, I have a power where I can speak to a non-hostile animal. Ah. Jesus Christ, really? And just now you're mentioning this. We never needed it. They're like, "Fuck you guys, you're ruining everything." No, no, no, I'm just, like, I'm used to it from one of you when all of you start doing it. It's, it's, who? Well, you see, while we try to find loopholes, we find actual, like, doors, though. Right, I know. Like, me trying to find this loophole is like, "Oh, by the way, I can speak to animals." No, no, no, Justin, I'm not talking about you.

Oh, oh, you're talking about Bree. He's talking about Izzy. Yes, who's the one who barters every time we sit down? Okay, so I can understand what she's saying. Have you seen my acorn? Bam. I have two, actually. I have one where I get a, a, a plus two insight checks against, like, beasts, like, animals. And then I get another one where, um, wait for it, I think it's called beast empathy or something. Mmm, mmm, mmm. Hear the voice of nature. During a short rest, a non-hostile beast or mundane plant will answer up to three questions as fully as possible. Okay, you're not a, you're not a short rest.

I am a mundane plant. Okay, so I have to make an insight check, then. Yes, you have to make an insight check. Can I get a vampire power where I become a mundane plant? Twenty-six. Do me a favor, take a negative two just because of the distance of the hallway and the fact that there are noisy flame jets going on. Okay, that doesn't make a difference because I get a plus two to my, uh, my, my, my check. Okay, so it's twenty-six. Um, so you will pick that up. Yes! Okay, what, so I hear you say what? I'm not pissed. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. There's dead people and treasure over here, turn off the fucking traps.

What, wouldn't that be you? Well, I figured you have the dungeon, or, or tell me how to turn off the traps, either way, because I still speak human. This is good. Okay, can I try, can I try another dungeon to see if I can, like, see anything that she might be able to do? Uh, go ahead. Twenty-eight. From Calith's end, she doesn't see any way to turn off this trap. Can I, can I do one? We're all like actively checking now, so we're not gonna let just one person do it. We're not about a crit. Sixteen. From, from, from Shavar's end, he does not see a way to turn off this trap.

He's looking at his hand right now, it's like, oh wow. Okay, I'm gonna yell back at her, there's no way to, there's no way to turn them off from our end, you're gonna have to do it from your end. Look around. Alright, so I was gonna do my shitty dungeon area, which is a plus four. I transformed first. Twenty-two. Oh yeah, and I guess, right, I transformed first should something happen. Alright, so. Make that transformer noise, Jason. Edit that. There's a new boss in town. So, Nem is going to transfer, transform, and. I should have done that with perception.

Her feet are going to, you already did a perception, you can't do it another way. Her feet are gonna touch the floor here. And. Die. She is going to, she's gonna look around and she doesn't see a way to turn off these flame jets. But. What she does, but what she does see, or, well this would be here rather. It sounds like a thump and then a clatter. And then another one and another one. And it sounds like it's just filling this chamber with noise. That is the sound of something punching its way through these coffins. Oh god. If I turn to mist, for future reference, can I go through fire as my gaseous form?

Is it flammable? Yeah, that's a good thing. Like Lysol. Well, in this form you are insubstantial and phasing. Okay, that sounds like, yeah. Insubstantial means you take half damage, and phasing means you can go through walls and shit. I would say that the flames wouldn't bother me. Awesome, okay, so I can run. And I get a +10 power bonus to stealth checks because I decided to hide. Okay, so there's something fucking punching its way out of these coffins, and you guys need to get the fuck over here. How? Why would I go towards the dead things or undead things?

I mean, there's lots of treasure over here. Yeah, then you checked it out. Okay, one second. So, we're gonna go over there, risk life and limb. Why not just stay over here? Like, you come over here and we just wait for them to pass through and just die through the fire. That's actually a really good idea. Valid. Unless Jason's a dick and these are some fire-type monsters. Velvet mummies? Fire fucking zombies? They would be elf corpses because it's their little graveyard. Well, why would they be in one- Elves have a resist to cold, they don't have a resist to fucking, um, fire.

Alright, well, come on over. Water's fine. Red rover, red ro- Mm-hmm. Send vampire forward. Nothing that I can pass through the fire. I do kinda wanna check out those, those, uh, treasure boxes now. We will after this thing's your thing. Well, hurry up and open up and run back over. Yeah, do that, do that, do that. Open up and run back over. Actually, you can. Speak quick about it, go. And your excellent engineering will help you defuse any traps. If you decide right now, you're gonna get a plus one for Speedy. Decide right now, go! Do I get a plus one for Speedy if I decide right now?

Yes. Okay, I'm going. Thanks, Tom. So you were checking out these, these chests. Yes. Okay, uh, so that would be right in this- Oh, cool, as far away from the coffins as I can be? Yeah, so there'd be a couple here, a couple there. So, um, these appear to be locked. Ugh. Right? Thievery, wait, um, it won't really help me, but I'd like to do an Arcana check just to make sure that the blocks won't, like, set fire when I start doing stuff to them. Okay, so that's a 20. Okay. There appears to be nothing magical about these chests. Okay, cool. Thievery, check. 21. Um, after a few seconds, uh, the lock is going to click and you are going to be able to open this chest.

Just a screaming fucking head or some shit. Man, you guys are, you guys are just, like, beating pound dogs or something. I've been doing this all the time, like, way before you. I've always been ready. Okay. I'm reading too many books. All our characters have been through some shit, Jason. I know! I've been ingested. That was a funny thing that happened. Yeah. Believe me, I've been given examples. I've been given examples before, I know. Uh, it's dark. I get it. Like, murdering Izzy's girlfriend in front of her while she couldn't do anything about it. Yeah, that was...

Uh, and the unicorn thing and, like, yeah. Okay, so what's in the chest? What's in the box? This severed dick. Um... The greatest trick of all. Enjoy. Just with that post-it. Enjoy. It's been here for a while. I don't know. Opening this chest, there appear to be a large collection of golden cups. Gravy bowl? It appears to be fine silverware and valuables that most likely belong to these particular elves. This is old Nazi silverware. Suddenly I'm overcome with bravery. This stuff does have value, I'll put it that way. Grab it up. Would you like to make your way through the flame jets?

Kinda. Oh my god, why? I'll tolerate the flame jets. Can I put my shield on my back like a turtle shell and crawl? They're kind of angled, so it's... The way it's... It's fire, so there's no real way. It's coming from two different directions. There's no way you can point your shield where you will avoid being on fire. If you were to... now you can like... now there's two ways you can do it. You can try to time it and then run through the flame jet, or you can try and like leap through. So either way it's an athletics or an acrobatics check. I'm gonna do athletics.

Okay. Travis is going to start sprinting down this hallway and instantly one of these flame jets is going to catch him. 33 versus your fortitude. Yeah. Yeah. 22 damage. Can I retreat back to safes? You have to run back through that flame jet. Oh, now you're stuck in the middle. I'm going through two more. Go ahead and make another athletics check or acrobatics check. It doesn't really brush off my clothes, I'm all charred. That was a poor decision, Travis. Okay. Now fuck that shit. He is going to catch the same flame jet on the way back through. Fuck. 27 versus your fortitude.

Aww. Poor Travis. 25 damage to Travis. Field check on Travis when he comes back over, just like "You fucking idiot." I wanna go sulk alone. I'm fucking fine. Do you want the healing or no? Yes, please. 30. Alright, so first of all let's take away the 25 damage. Then we'll start, go ahead and start spending healing surges to get back. Jesus. Just beating out little fires on him, just fucking Christ. That's so embarrassing. That's really embarrassing. Please, there are. He's okay. He's sir well-burned. How do I check how many I have? It's under details. Or status, actually, I think.

Can I attack the... The fire. The flame jets. Do you have a water attack? If you have a fucking water attack and... Okay. You didn't just put out the fucking fire, I'd be pissed. That thing's extinguisher in my backpack. I do like how he keeps checking for things after anyone's like, "Okay, so like, "Kayla skewers herself and it's like, "I'm gonna open this dimensional door." That was Kayla's fault because she just ran right ahead and just got gored. Yep. I was checking and he was like, "Oh yes, I see. "I see." And then... Her int is 10, okay? Her int? Sorry, intelligence.

My int is 11. In the room. Alright, I've actually had a logistics question. Hit me. For both the gaseous form and the form of the bat, I cannot carry any object, but my equipment becomes part of this form. So like everything I'm carrying. Right, no. Which doesn't make much sense because carried items are carried, but like if I shoved shit in my pockets, it would become part of my bat form, right? Nope. Can't she lob it down the hallway? Uh, you can lob this piece by piece, but it's... We can come back to it. I don't see anybody else coming in here. Just pick the nicest looking thing and grab it in your little bat claws.

Okay, and I didn't sense any magic coming from this chest, right? Correct. Hold on a second, hold on a second. The magic probably comes from all the fucking dead people walking around. Mm, yeah. Still haven't turned around or anything. Look, um, punching their way through these coffins. Let me start adding things to this room. Oh yeah, this is a time sensitive thing, huh? This is straight Skyrim, motherfucker. I'm not gonna fight these, you know. Yeah, Skyrim was the first one to use animated skeletons. No, no, I'm just saying like with the spikes and the fire and the fucking Draugr.

Oh, it's, it's, it's... I am not good in groups. I fight one thing at a time, and I'm gonna immediately take gaseous form and run away. Okay. Uh, so, gaseous form, how long does that last? Um, you assume a gaseous form, while in this form you're insta-portional in the night. Fly at the speed of eight and gain a plus ten power bonus to stealth, which I will immediately do. You cannot attack in this form, the form lasts till the end of your next turn or until you use a minor action to end it. So, huh. Maybe I should run up because I can get eight. Fly at the speed of eight, which is...

So, the way I interpret that is you're gonna get sixteen spaces out of this. Yeah. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Okay, so that would get me past all the fire. Alright, so if you're gonna start running, they're gonna start moving too. I'm just gonna let you know. That's okay, I'm also gonna try to be stealthy while running, but I'm gonna run at full speed. So like, if you have to give me a negative to stealth, that's equal, that's like... Stealth? Okay, okay, we can try that, but you're gonna, like, you're not hidden behind anything, and you're in an open room with these things.

I am also an insubstantial thing of gas. Oh, so you're not running before you. In a room that's probably full of smoke. So you're not running before the gas, you're just turning into gas and going. Yeah, I realize that I can reach it without having to run beforehand. Okay. So, should, I mean, just to be fair, should I roll initiative so that if they get to go first before I turn into gas? You're not technically in combat yet, go ahead. Okay. Alright, I'm gassed. Okay. So that's a daily boom, you've used it. Four, five, six, seven, eight. I'm actually gonna stop here and not do eight, because then I'll be in the fire.

There's the first one, and I will do a stealthy stealth, which is plus 17, but right now it's plus 27 because of my stealthiness of being a cloud. Well, let's just say you did. Okay. And then my next turn, I'm gonna come over here and be like, "Fuck that!" and turn back into myself. Okay, so... No! That's not a lot smoother. Not alone. Wait, what's over there? Fucking skeletons. Just as Nem tells you what's over there, these skeletons are going around the corner and start pouring down this hallway. Ignite fully and keep walking towards you. Yes, of course. I told you guys, I fucking told you, and none of you guys...

Okay, guys, hold the line! No, guys, don't let it through the fire, it'll be fine. Hold the line! I need to be in the line. Yeah, I'll back up, you go ahead. Yeah, come on, come on. Get in there. I'll just tap Shalva. Ow, fucker! No. Dude, don't leave a hole and they can flank us. Yeah. Can I use a power real quick? You would have to pass two people. Let's do like, "Boo!" You mean step back a little bit? Yeah, so that everyone can "boob." I'm sorry, I'm just trying to think about the very confused listener who just heard that on the bus. Everyone, let's do "Boo!" Like, they have no context for what was just said.

Your physical attacks. Travis, why are you hiding? Get out from behind the healer. Fine. It gives you the coward, but then that's just silly. Okay, what's the first? Are they at least taking any damage from these fire jets? Roll a perception check. I'll be pissed. I was making sure nobody was sneaking up on us. I only have a +5, does anybody have better perception? I've got +16. Can we all roll? We're all looking at them. Yeah, I would imagine they draw the attention. 21, yeah. Oh wait, no, I'm 16, you're 21. Oh shit. He knows how they feel about the fire. I don't like it.

We're indifferent. We can do without it. We're not even neighborhood. Even though every single one of them are on fire, none of them seem to be taking damage from the fire. Fucking awesome. Are you serious? I am very serious. So if somebody lights them on fire with a fucking fire spell, they're not going to take any damage from it? It would appear that way. They're fire skeletons? Well they were elves. That's why I'm confused. There's a reason. Oh they're dragon elves. Oh yeah, they're dragon elves. Okay, I have an idea. They just stain in your voice. Ooh, ooh, Jason.

Do dragon elves speak Draconic? They do. I'm still going to kill them, I was just curious. Okay. I'm going to murder them off. I'm going to beat them in Draconic. If I can order them around, I'd be like, "Come, we're going to beat these people up." Give me all your shit! Do me a favor, everyone roll initiative. Well, no. It can't anyone. Oh yeah, well, it would help if I added the party to the initiative tracker. How about that? That's crazy. So these skeletons are pouring down the hallway with urgency. They all appear to have... We're going to die. They all appear to be carrying these dual hammers.

Oh god. What kind of elf uses a hammer? Oh wait, I'm just kidding. The half-elf that I play uses a hammer. They're like Draconis or whatnot, they're like dragons. These aren't like the elves from the Evergreen, they're a little different. These guys are a little bit different. They're a little spicier because they're covered in fucking fire. That's not giving them any damage. All of my attacks involve drinking blood. Whose fucking decision was it to actually go into this door? You guys all told me to. I'll say it was mine, I'll say I made that call. Because they need to turn into a bat whenever the fuck I want, I'm out of here.

Skeletal? Maybe if they all die, the fire will go away. Probably. That's probably it. It's like a fucking boss level. Skeletal hammer number five is going to march through this last flame jet here, completely engulfed in flames, open its jaw wide, and sprint forward charging with its hammer in the air. At Travis. The protector saved me. I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared. God, I'm a little scared. Let's see here. He's going to use pounding hammers. And he's going to try and repeatedly, it's going to take two blows down at Travis. Down? Are they flying too?

No, no, no, but he's raising his hammer up and he's going to swing down. I'm just being snarky. I know. Both of these are going to miss, it's just going to clang away harmlessly at Travis' shield. These things do have a fire aura about them. So anything that ends its turn next to these is going to take five damage. Or starts its turn next to them, sorry. Starts your turn next to them, you're going to take five. So shift back one. Well I'll get in there then, because I have negative five. There you go. I have negative ten. Do I get ten life points back if I stand in the fire?

No. Because I have negative ten and it takes five. Those stupid things. Does that count as ongoing damage? No, it's not ongoing damage. Skeletal hammer number four is going to charge up to Nem. And use pounding hammers. You've done this to me. First one's going to miss, second one is going to hit. Twenty damage to Nem. Jesus Christ. That's fucking delicious. I love it. Oh jeez. Skeletal hammer number three is going to run up and do the same thing. Charge at Nem. Why charge at Nem? Why charge at Nem? They saw you first. They didn't see me first. I stealthed. It was a joke.

There's no rhyme or reason. They're just fucking attacking you. Both of those are going to miss. I don't think they have eyes you guys. Nem, your turn. I had a thing, but now I'm going to do a different thing. Nem, you're going to take ten damage. I'm not. No, you're tiefling so you're not. Never mind. You would have taken ten damage but you're not. I like that. No I'm not. She told you, Jason. She did. I was going to give her. She gave me the old fuck off. I'm not going to. He was just talking about being blasty. At first. I know I have a blast spell. Here it is. Swarm of Shadows.

Okay. She's going to blind everyone with her ink. You teleport to a square and the blasts are invisible until the end of your next turn. Ooh, I like that effect because that happens. Okay, so I'm going to use Swarm of Shadows which is a blast three. I imagine I hit both of the ones in front of me. Who starts at that square? Right? That's what a blast does? You have to pick a direct. So you'd hit either four or three. I can't hit between them? No, because it's like a cone if you do it that way or a straight line. Okay, if I aim at three do I also hit two and five?

But not Travis? I'd rather not hit Travis if I can help it. I don't mind hitting Travis. If it happens, it's not my fault. Right, no. Explain how this blast works. I know how blasts work. I know they come out of a corner but it's a blast three. So is that just a square of blast or is that like a tapering off of one square, two squares, three squares? So the way it works is if you're aiming it down this way, right? It goes out in a cone. So it'd be here, then here, then one, then two, then three. Okay, and it just goes in a straight line and it doesn't go out?

Yeah, it goes out but I mean it's going to come out from you that way. So one, two, three. So it would get three, five, and... It doesn't have to hit Travis if I can't aim it not to? It's kind of weird how this works. It is. Because I can aim it but I can't aim it? You can pick a direction and that's it. You can either shoot it like a fucking Kamehameha wave where it's out in front of you so it's just a straight line. Or if you aim it diagonally then it goes out in a cone. But it sounds like it goes out in a box because if I hit Travis that goes out in a box, not a cone.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's kind of... I don't mind. Go for it. Okay, how's your fortitude look, Trav? Is it good? I got a 26. Okay, it's only a plus 13 so there's a good chance you'll make it through. Hit? Hit to three. Hit? Okay, Travis, I'm sorry, I love you. Oh, that one hit the most! Hit to Travis. Okay, damage. 22 to that one. Well, that'll just be 22 to everybody. Oh, okay, sorry. Yeah, 22 to everybody. And I get to teleport somewhere in my blast that I made and I'm invisible until my next turn. So I'll just teleport here and I'm invisible. Alright. And that's invisible, not concealed.

I... I... yep. Thanks a lot Ursula. Kava! Uhh, skeletal hammer number one. No, you don't need it. Uhh... Hey Kava, we're flanking now. You. It's like I planned it but I didn't. I'm just imagining Kava lighting up a cigar on one of the burning fucking skeletons. Uhh, skeletal hammer's gonna use pounding hammers against Shavar. Uhh, that'll miss. I'm invisible! That'll miss. Uhh, these are awful rolls. Number two is going to shift forward here. So they have choked up this hallway completely. They're just on fire and swinging at you and tenacious. Pounding hammers against Travis.

That's gonna miss. These are the worst rolls ever. Oh, Crip missed. He fell down. His pants fell down? He's really embarrassed. Something bad's gotta happen to him, Jason. He's gonna fall apart in a million pieces. His pants fall down but they were on fire anyway. So like the skeletons from Mario just *squeak noise* *squeak noise* Uhh, let's see here. Skeletal hammer number six. It's gonna kind of... He's gonna kind of stow away his hammer here. And he's gonna grip something in his hands. And it too is on fire just like the rest of them. It's just dick guys. He's gonna grasp his skeletal dick.

And make lewd gesture at everyone. Jason knows all about skeletal dicks. Do I? I don't know. What was that? Wow. I think it was a 12-minute show but it wasn't very well thought out. Oh, okay. Oh, I didn't know if you were being incredibly mean to him or if he's got a thin dick, eh? I've seen it this time. Thank you, Tony. He pulled it out of the party. Appreciate it. Jesus Christ, that's... completely dick! Totally stopped the show. He's going to lob this item at the party here. At Shavar specifically and it's a burst one. So it is going... It would appear to be the equivalent of an elven molotov cocktail.

The fuck are you... what game are you playing? I'm not a good treasure. So what is this, like Fortitude or Reflex? This is going to be Reflex. So let me make the attack first. 22 versus Shavar's Reflex. I'm going to use Shield. It's an interrupt, an immediate interrupt, when trigger hit by an attack. You gain +4 to your bonus to AC and Reflex. So that won't hit you. Invincible! And Kava, 20, will that hit your Reflex? Yes. Kaelath, 26, Reflex. Yeah. Travis, 19, Reflex. Nice. That will... 30 will hit. Uh, Skelehammer, but it doesn't matter because it's fire, so it doesn't matter.

He's about to say, "Is that for me? I'm not even blessed." I double checked. You're totally not even blessed. You rolled that for me, didn't you? And then you realized... No! I didn't. Nobody's buying your shit. We all know. You totally rolled that for me. I swear I didn't. I just forgot they had an immunity to flames, so it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, you're cool. You only spent so many hours preparing this session, you forgot that they had fire. I still fucked up! Like, either way, guys, I fucked up. Like, I didn't. Let's... 18 damage to Kava and Kaelath. Let him go.

I heard somebody has a Skeletal Dick. So does that mean 13 for me? 13, yes, 13 for you. Kaelath takes the full 18. Unless she wants to debate. What? Her raccoon killed her from fire? Actually, my raccoon got... Wait, can I roll a miner or... Oh my god. Could I roll to see if the raccoon can catch it and throw it away? No, you can't! This isn't charming anymore, this is just boring. I don't mean it to be charming, I mean it to be effective. I will be that guy. I will be that guy until I die. Yeah, Kava, your turn. Okay. Kava is going to do her combat challenge where she gets to mark a foe.

They get negative 2 attacks, not including me. And if they shift... If any of the adjacent marked foe who shifts or makes an attack, not including you, I get to do a basic melee attack, mark last until the end of my next turn. For shit. And now that they are marked and they have negative 2 to attacks, I'm going to do Brash Strike. Oh, I marked number 4. I'm going to do Brash Strike against number 4. But I had a follow-up question, I just want to do this now so that I can maybe get a +1 for being speedy. Awesome. That hits. 14 damage. And I had a really quick question.

Remember that thing called Battle Rager Vigor? 10 pit points when you hit with melee are close and then double with invigorating. Does that mean that every time I hit with a melee attack I get 10 pit points? Because that's what it sounds like to me. Sounds real. I want to say yes, but remember your 10 pit points don't stack. So it's not every time. Well, even if the 10 pit points, if you were to receive them, you can't double down. So what if she got 10 pit points and then she came down to 5 and then she hit someone, would she back up to 10? No, that's not what I'm asking.

I'm meaning right now I just did a basic melee so I would get 10 pit points for that. Then it says double with invigorating, does that mean that if I use an invigorating power would I... Yes. Okay. That was my question. Yes. I get... is it three 10 pit points I believe? I think so. Because it's just meant to prod you into the fight a little further. It's just meant to buy you just a little time. You're the tank. Gotcha! Travis is like under steady tank. Travis is like bitch tank. Travis, take 15 damage please. The fire auras from the skeletons and their surroundings.

Really? Fire auras stack? Yes, they do. The 10 pit points don't because that's our thing. And every time Izzy interjects I'm going to add another 5. Oh my god. Alright, take my thing away I guess. Let me know when I can have my turn. Oh, go ahead. Good. Okay, I'm going to use a defender aura which is while in the aura any enemy takes a -2 penalty to attack rolls when it makes an attack that does not include among its targets either you or an ally of yours who has this aura active. Awesome. So, got that going for me. And I'm going to use melee basic attack on 5 I guess.

Good. So how good is their will? You can tell me. I'm cool. Pretty trustworthy guys. Seriously, how good is their will? Ooh, that is a crit 1. His pants fall down, he's embarrassed. Becomes an anime character just for a second. Well I guess that's the end of my turn. No, because then he'd trip and fall on someone's tits. Like one in each hand for some fucking reason and that's how he fell. Kayla, go ahead and take 5 damage please. Alrighty. Wait, that's not me. Kayla. Because I know my next turn I was waiting for the 5 damage because I resist 10. Sorry. Okay, I'm going to conjure a leaf wall.

I don't know how that works in a dungeon. I'm assuming that tendrils of fucking vines just burst out of the floorboards or something. Yeah, if you're underground, fuck. I'm going to put my little area of effect. Oops, that's too - that's not what I wanted to do. It's too big. You can see how you try to draw in these dicks. It's kind of difficult. Okay. There's the leaf wall. Any of my allies inside it are concealed and any enemy inside it grants combat advantage. Okay, so they're kind of tangled up in these vines and shit. Uh huh. These vines and leaves and stuff.

Cool. And that is a miner. So as a non-miner, I guess, Sandra, that's a thing. I'm going to do Reap the Harvest. I need that - I need the thing. There we go. I'm number one. That'll hit. Cool. Let's see. Okay, damage. And if an ally misses number one with an attack, the target's going to take some damage. 19. Okay. And if anyone misses, then he gets three damage. Oh, three damage. Every little bit helps. You took your five damage? Yep. And the flame were? Cool. Uh, Shivar, your turn. I'm going to cast Pet Chasm. It's a burst one within ten squares, so I'm going to cast it right here on number fucking two.

Okay. So it should hit three, one, two, and five. Then I'm going to cast in - I'm going to cast on two. Penal. It's a miss? Mm-hmm. Do I cast on every one or no? Uh, let's see. Each enemy in the first - yeah. Okay, fine. That'll miss three. Give it plus two because combat advantage. Well, this is like - That's still a miss. Okay. That'll hit five. Oh, sorry. And it'll miss one. Okay, so what this does is it knocks them prone if I hit, but it does full damage. Like, if I miss, it does half damage and the target's full of prone. So I get what I want either way. I wanted to knock them prone.

So all four of those guys are knocked prone, and I guess I'll - So, yeah, roll damage on five. Well, roll damage and - I'll just roll damage on two, because that one actually hit. No, it was five. No, it didn't. Okay, well then it's 15 for five, and then just split that in half. I think it's seven for everyone else. See, now I gotta go back and do all the mess. Okay. Um - Well, the other one's missed. Only one hit. Right, I know. I'm just saying you gave - Okay, cool. I fixed it. It's fine. It's all good. Not that big a deal. Okay, I'm gonna fall back. I imagine an opportunity attack.

Uh, yes. If you shift back - He's right before the opportunity attack, he's gonna scream, "Oh my fucking god!" and run backwards. Oh! Yes. Take ten fire damage, too, from the aura when you started your turn. Really? 'Cause I dodged it, but it was the aura. No, you didn't. Okay. You didn't. Because I dodged it. Um, so let's do the hammer blow thing. They're gonna take a negative two because they're on the ground, so that's cool. So does five damage take it off? Uh, ten damage. Ten. Oh, big sprinter. Okay. Uh, ooh, that's a crit one. So that's just one and three, right?

Yeah. Uh, that's a crit. Wait, wait, wait, who else is swinging? Um, they each get two. Okay. So it's one and three. Uh, so that's - I'll do the damage in just a second. So then I take the negative two because of my defender aura. Yeah. Okay. That crit's still gonna hit. I'm just saying. Yeah, good. Good to keep track of. I'm about to stack that shit in a minute. Uh, so let's go ahead and do max damage. So twenty-four damage. Four-be. Uh, for one. Four-be. Um, that will bloody shavar and that'll bring us back to the start of the order. I haven't finished my turn, but yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you - I'm sorry. My bad. Jesus. I'm so sorry. Go ahead. Um, he's going to panic and use spectral image. That's an encounter power and he's going to cast it right here in the flames. It's gotta be like a human-sized dragon, just like a tiny dragon. And it's gonna like - grrrr. Okay. Try to confuse me. Uh, does it do anything or does it just look - It just looks like a dragon. Looks like a human-sized dragon so it's completely like - that's not right. Okay. Alright. Um, skeletal hammer number five is going to stand up. Let's take that prone off.

Uh, and he's going to continue to try and hammer at Travis. Uh, that's gonna miss. And that's gonna miss. God damn right it does. Uh, skeletal hammer four is going to shift just one and then try to hammer at Cava. Doesn't that one have like a negative four on it? Uh, it is marked by Cava. I think it has to attack Cava or it takes a - It has to attack me but because it shifts I get to attack it. Oh yes, that's what it was. That's what I forgot. Go ahead. Attack that fucker. Dun dun dun dun. I'm pretty sure - yeah it's just a melee basic, wherever that is. That'll hit.

Twelve damage. Let me swing with the other hammer. That is a hit. Uh, I hit me by accident. He hit himself in the face. Uh, let's try that again. There we go. Twenty damage. I'll take the thirteen. Well, that was - it was a flubbed - that doesn't - no. I thought - I'll do that. The last time she had her turn it took a negative two and then the negative two from mine except before which means it wouldn't hit her. That's true. It does get negative two because of all attack rolls. Oh, from you too? We read it. And if it started its turn in the leaf thing then it also grants - or she's partially concealed or something like that.

Oh no, she's not in the leaf. Just kidding. Whenever an enemy marked by you is adjacent to you and shifts or makes an attack that does not include you as a target it can be a basic attack against it. Okay, it wasn't that one. So I know it gets a negative two thanks to Travis. I'm pretty sure her last one gave it another one. They get - oh no, it's negative two to attacks not including me. So I do get it. Oh, that's our thought because it's marked. That's what it has to - like she's calling him out. Yeah. That's cool. I tried to save you. Number three is going to stand up and it's going to shift - yeah, shift forward and try to attack Calith.

So it went from granting combat advantage to granting combat advantage. Yeah. Doesn't help it at all. He's trying. They're not really thinking strategically. That is a crit. Okay, as a reaction, immediate reaction, it is going to fall prone and I get a plus two to my fortitude, reflex and will which doesn't make a difference. Okay. So 24 damage. It's going to fall prone again. Fucker. Uh, Nim, your turn. So you won't take any damage because there's not enough there to get past your tiefling flame resistance. Yeah, thanks for pointlessly moving number three. Just kidding.

Okay, I will use Jaze of Ruin against number one and essentially if I just glare at something, it takes - it takes vulnerability to all damage equal to one half my level and my intelligence modifier, but I don't have an intelligence modifier yet. Hopefully next time I can buff that up till the end of my next turn. You're no longer invisible, right? No. Okay. No, at the beginning of my turn that went away. Okay, so I'm going to Gaze his head because, you know, I want to Gaze the monster and not like its arm or anything. So that takes that penalty. So vulnerability to all damage five till the end of my next turn.

Okay. And then I'm going to attack it with Vampire Slam. That's one that we didn't think. There we go. Please hit, please hit. Hit. Cool beans. Alright, so then I will do damage. I'm going to add five to it just manually because that's what it does. So there's 23 damage. And then as a reaction, my key focus, the trigger is you hit an enemy with a melee attack using this key focus. And I can teleport five squares and teleport the enemy five squares to a square adjacent to me. Oh shit. So I'm going to one, two, three, four, five. Yes. And then he's going to come over here with us.

Number one, move in between. I want combat advantage. Oh my God. What? I'm going to fucking die. Well, he's going to attack me because I'm the one who punched him. Don't worry. Jason, if you attack him, you're a jerk because I'm the one who attacked number one. I just want the boss of me and I wanted to get it away from Tom. His poor Tom is over there with like seven zombies on him and he's the only one on the team who doesn't have fire resistance. Scallitlhammer number one is going to stand up. This is the vampire cave all over again. Oh, I'm dead don't like you.

Yeah, that's true because you just did this to me. You put the blade in his hand. You put the blade in his hand. Okay, he is going to spin around with both his arms outstretched and kind of like put both of these hammers together and use something called big swing. Is he going to hit both of us because then I'll feel like a jerk. And he is going to kind of twirl around and use this as like a big momentum club and swing at both of you. You suck, Brianna. I'm so sorry. Please miss him. I imagine this is going to be a reflex. How's your reflex? My fleet flex is one better than my AC.

It's your best thing. This is against fortitude for both of you. Okay, well that's one of my worst. Rolling against you are first. 27. I'm going to use wizard's escape and that's where I'm like a melee immediate interrupt enemy hits you with a melee attack. I teleport five squares away. Now wait a second. Does that wizard's escape? We're just teleporting everywhere. You're just bamf-ing all over the fucking room. I'm looking for wizard's escape. It's all the way down the bottom. Wizard's escape, you're right. I'm just going to free your last to not hit my fortitude.

Immediate interrupt personal and enemy hits you with a teleport to a square. Now I think that means that you don't take the hits. If it says interrupt, I think it doesn't take the hits. Just making sure. Okay, so that does nim. 32. Yeah, that hits. You would have had to roll a three or less to not hit me. Okay. That's okay because I'm not bloody at the moment. 23 damage and it's going to knock you prone. Okay. I'll take it. Okay. Empire slam. So if I did try to drink this nasty undead blood. But it still gives me... They have flesh on them clearly. You can see it on them.

They have flesh hanging off their face. They're skeletons. There's no blood in there. And they're on fire. Okay. Fine, I guess. First the mage must eat rancid werewolf meat. Now you want to bite mummy. Dude, it was fine. It was just... It was just a general thing. It had heartworms. Screw it. You knew he had heartworms. You didn't fucking say anything. Did you take the 23 damage? I did not. I assumed you would. Sorry. Okay, I got it. You're cool. The monster. You are down to 12 hit points. I know. Sucks. Shavar, you dick. Why didn't you come and die with me? You turned into a motherfucking bat.

Get the hell out of here. You can't turn into a bat. That was just innocent jacks. You... This is gonna be fun because no matter what lie I tell to him, he'll always believe it because of my bluff. So it's like I could literally suck blood in front of you with my fangs and be like, "What are you talking about?" That's kind of weird. We were just necking. Nobody could do it. You fucking whores are into some really sick shit. You didn't even know that guy. He wasn't even paying you. Let's see. Number two is going to move forward and use... He is going to use...

Fuck it. Let's use big swing. Let's see. Big swing against... He's got his allies. Yeah, he will. He will, yeah. Going down the line. Caleth first. 32 versus Fortitude. I'm gonna assume that hits. Sorry, I was muted. All good. 23 versus 3's Fortitude. That will hit. Travis, 27 versus your Fortitude. Wait, what does Concealed do? Oh wait, it's still negative 2. Negative 2. Really? That's all Concealed fucking does? Yeah, that's all Concealed does. Wait, seriously? Yeah, my Fortitude is 26. Jesus Christ. Good for you. That will hit number 5. So 3, Caleth, and 5 are all going to take.

Let's see what they take. I pulled that one up my ass. 26 damage. That will knock Caleth out. This is a bad idea. Our healer should probably stay further in the back. From now on. Maybe we should have stayed in the brothel. Okay, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna get the raccoon to grab a potion out of her pocket. Missed my broom. We did establish that it can do that. It can do that. I don't know if you guys have potions. I don't know, I have like a trillion dollars. I see no potions carried on you, sadly. You didn't think to buy any on the way. So, though it does have the ability to do that, it does need a potion saved.

That's a clerical error. Well, when she does death saves, can it be like slapping her in the face to give her like a bonus? I wouldn't be opposed if it has a minor action to space. Yeah, if it was close enough to... +20. It would give her a little +1, something like that. Just trying to like shake her. Just as like a flavor thing, mostly. Let's see, skeletal hammer number 2 did that, so 6. Oh, 6 is way in the back. He's the old fucking pipe bomb the last time. Let's use pounding hammers against Kava. That'll hit. And that one will miss. Damage wise, 11 damage to Kava.

Kava's turn. That doesn't hit her. -2. Oh god, you're okay. I'm so glad that you're here because you remember things. I have got to remember to shave that off my bad, sir. I swear I'm not trying to cheat you. So, I am going to mark... I have to continuously mark or it goes away because it's only until the end of my next turn. I'm trying to decide if I want to continue to mark 4 or mark 3 because he's bloodied. And I have combat advantage against him. Yeah, I'm gonna mark 3. I thought you said K was down. Not K. -Kalith. Oh, she didn't take any damage. That's cool then, she's fine.

I thought she would have. It's a miracle! You're negative. Well, in that case, I'm gonna continue to mark 4. Because I won't have combat advantage and that was my thing. She's gonna do Kneebreaker. Okay. Please hit, please hit, please hit. Yes! Krit the Krit! Just blow to the dust. That was my first Krit ever. Really? For an attack anyway. Because I haven't gotten a Krit in group 2 on an attack yet. So what do I do for max damage? I don't need to roll it, do I? You can just click the little box that says max. I don't see a little box that says max. Roll the damage.

And then click on what you want to do damage to. And then there should be a little box that says max. Also, because you're wielding a hammer or mace, the attack deals extra damage equal to your Constitution modifier. Which is 3. Yeah, so 3 extra damage. You have bloodied it! Yeah, I did. Gorgeous. Very, very gorgeous. Anything else, ma'am? I do not believe so. Okay. Oh, actually, can I shift? Yeah, sure. Can I shift right there? Cool. Okay, Travis's turn. Take 15 damage, please. Go ahead, take it off. I got rid of one of those. I helped. Your turn, sir. Okay, I guess I'm going to use a heal check on Caleb.

Caleb. Where? That's my thing. You have a +5, so I hope it's good enough. All you gotta do is get a 15 or higher. Okay, what are our rolls? Just a d20? It's like a perception thing, so just click the little skill thing. I'm trying to find where it is. Oh, heal. Come on, cross fingers. Nice! Yep. Boom. Caleb can spend a healing serve. I rolled a 19. I get some sort of plus because he rolled so fucking high. No. You do get 18 hit points back, though. Fair enough. And you're alive. Oops. Oh, I already did. Sorry. No worries. Right. Anything else you want to do with your turn here, Travis?

Can I move without getting hit? You can shift one. Sh-sh-sh-ah. Okay. Oh, my. I feel bad, but I'm like, you didn't know you could shift back one? I thought you knew about that. Uh, Caleb, your turn. Take 10 damage, please. I thought they would get, like, an opportunity attack on me, so. Shifting never, well, unless you're fighting someone who's marked you. You don't get anything for shifting. And now I know. Okay. And knowing is half of that, yeah. I really need to spend a second healing serve on myself. Um, but at the same time, I should help out Travis there.

You could second wind and then also use an action point. Yeah, I think I'm going to do that. Okay, second wind for myself, which is a minor action, right? You probably want to stand up first. Am I prone? Oh, I guess I'm prone. Okay, move action to stand up. Okay. Minor action to spend, um, second wind, so I get a healing surge. Uh, that's a standard action. You sure? I'm pretty positive. Standard. I've been reprimanded about it on the show before. By who? Listeners. And cast members. I was sworn it was minor. It is standard. Oh, fuck. Let's see. Let me just try to get some.

Sometimes. Not usually, but sometimes. Thank you. Our tank would have probably been better off if you didn't try jumping through the fire. Yeah, I guess that's a fucking action point. He's trying to impress you guys. Ah, it hurts. Okay, um, yeah, fucking, also I guess I'll spend my, my standard action on second wind. Okay, so you get to spend healing surge and all your defenses go up by two until the end of your next turn. Cool. Um, and as a minor, um, because I still have one of those, I'm going to use bear's strength on, um, Travis. So he gets a plus two power damage to his rolls that include a strength thing.

Um, and that's pretty much it, I guess. But, yay. So now you get plus two to damage. That's something. Um, and then action point. And kind of tempted to shift back, but I don't want to spend an action point on a fucking shift. So I guess I'll spend. I don't think you need to because, oh, you already used your move. Yeah. Um, I guess I'll use healing word on Travis. Um, so you get to spend a healing surge and then two d6. Thank you. Plus eight. So healing surge and then eight more points. I got you. Oh, no, you got you. Yeah. Okay, now don't let me die. More. Sure.

Your turn. All right. Um, I'm going to use water. Until the end of the encounter, you gain a plus two power bonus to all defenses and you are invisible to enemies. Five squares or more away from that. So that's a wrap. And I'm going to go back here. Feel few squares. Jesus. And I'm going to use a magic missile or one one right. For a damage, a damage. I bloody guys. All right, somebody else's turn. All right. Skeletal hammer number five is going to shift in one and swing at Kayla with pounding hammers. That'll hit. So it does not because I have a plus it does not.

Okay. The game lied. And that'll miss. So that's a crit. And hammer number four is going to take a swing at Cabba. Cabba, cabba, cabba, cabba, cabba. C'mon goo. Yeah, that one hits. I can't save you this. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. I don't know about second. 27 out of one save either. So, okay, both of those are going to hit. So damage. Seven. Eighteen damage and two. And nine damage. So that will bloody Cabba. Skeletal hammer number three is going to use his move action to stand up and then he is going to take two swings at Kayleth. That's going to miss. 32 will hit.

Nine damage to Kayleth. Nem, your turn. Alright, I am going to stand up as my move action. Okay. Cool. Alright, and then I am going to use Unfettered Hunger. I really didn't want to use another daily but I have to because I'm going to die against this guy. He still gets that negative five until the end of this turn. So I'm going to add five to it like I did last time. Oh wait, no, that's for attack. Sorry. Okay. If it hits, I'll add five to it. It didn't but I still get to do half damage so I'm going to do half damage plus five because he is that still, the thing I said before.

Okay. Eighteen. Eighteen. Alright, and then I am going to use my action point because I'm about to fucking die. Dust. I'm not sure if I want to dust him or if I want to just heal up. Suck it. Okay, I'll use Feral Assault against this guy. I might die. If I die, someone needs to... And I missed again, which is stupid. I don't want to burn the roof of my mouth. Do I have any pluses right now for number one? I don't believe so, no. Alright, good. I wasted an action point and an encounter of power. Perfect. Well, did you do the plus one for Thing of Speed? No, I did not.

Okay, that'll hit. Really? Oh, it's never clear. So nice. And I still get that plus five. Damn. Thirty-three. That will kill it. So the first one of these skeletons goes down. Making progress. There. There's a fucking rock in my house. Oh god. Don't land on me. Yay. Any deals, ma'am? Get under a blanket. That's a good idea. Just eat through the blanket. I know, but it will take months for it to chew its way through. Skeletal hammer number two is going to take two swings at Caleth. That'll miss. Thirty will hit. Thirteen damage. Skeletal hammer number six is going to shift forward and take two swings at Cava.

That'll miss. Twenty-six will still hit. Can people do heal checks? Yeah, as a standard action. Sure can. It has to be fifteen to actually use something. Yeah. Cava, your turn. Okay, I have questions. Hit me. Can I say what I'm going to do for my turn and then ask my questions? Because I really want plus one for being speedy. Sure. Okay. Combat challenge, mark number four, and I'm going to do brash strike. But first, I have this thing called unstoppable minor action personal. You gain temporary hit points equal to 2d6 plus your constitution modifier. Yes. Do I just check it off?

Yes. But how do I, should I roll it or? Just roll it, 2d6 and then whatever your con mod is. Eleven. Okay, you're going to get eleven ten hit points. I'll add them right now for you. Thank you. Not a problem. And then I had another question about my berserker weapon and I don't know if I need to tick this off. I gain a plus two power bonus to attack rolls and damage rolls with this weapon. I take negative five penalty to all my defenses and I also gain resist five to all damage. The effect lasts until the end of the encounter or until you fall unconscious.

Yes, so just tick that off. Well, it's another minor so I can't do it right now. Oh, oh, okay. But I was just curious. Yeah, that counts as like a daily you can use. Okay. Alright. Boy, it's getting to the point where you guys are checking your weapons. That's how you know you're doing. I was trying to see if I had anything immediate. Let me check my pockets. We got two that aren't bloody and three that are bloody. And we got one on the ground. Alright, spash strike attack. I like how you're already saying they because you've completely separated yourself in this situation.

I'm using magic missile from twenty yards away. So how many pluses do I get? I get... You're forty yards away. Really? Yeah, each of these tiles it's usually five feet. Yeah, I'm forty yards away. I'm more than that because it's diagonal. Crit one, you motherfucker! Jesus. I'm sorry, but that was really... Crit one, you motherfucker. Like you were excited for crit and then like one. But I get bonus stuff. Still gonna miss. Are you sure? It's a crit one, yes. Because I'm bloodied so like as a dragonborn I get plus stuff and I just ticked off some plus stuff that I didn't add in there.

And I get the plus one for being speedy so really it's not a crit one, it's a two. It doesn't affect the roll, it affects the modifier. Crit one always misses. Were you aiming at the ground or at him? Because if you were aiming at the ground you might hit him accidentally. Okay, can we... Is that a... No. It's true, Jace. While I don't want to see you cry, Theria loves tears. Damn you, Theria. Travis, your turn. Take five damage. Wait, I want to move still. Oh, sorry, go go go go. I got a question. Can I move diagonal up to these stairs and not get hit by the trap?

Right there? You have to make a check to clear it. Alright. So bad. She's advancing further and further back down the hallway. Travis, go ahead and take five damage and it's your turn. Okay. I want to use Battle Guardian, which is an enemy subject to your defender aura, which is everybody. Either shifts or makes an attack that targets an ally's viewers, but not you or an ally that has an active defender aura. And the effect is I make a melee basic attack against that trigger enemy. And if the attack misses, the enemy still takes damage equal to my strength modifier.

Wait a second. Ooh. Oh, fuck. That defender aura of yours. Yes. That's only a one. You've been protecting everybody in the party. When in reality, it's only people who are... That's your fault, Dan. That's fine. Jason, just don't tell Jason. I'll take responsibility. That's real cool. I'll take responsibility on this one. For the rest of the fight. No, no, no. But yeah, just just so you know. Okay. Well, that's what I'm using and it's going to be super useful this time. Not so much every other fight for the rest of forever. And... Wait, wait, wait. You're using what now?

Just to make sure that... Battle guardian. It's my first thing. And then you're... Okay, so it's still the aura is a one. Just to let you know. We'll just adjust it now. Okay. And I guess can I shove Caliph out of the way with my minor? It's not a minor. It'd be a check to use a... Gotcha. So that's like I don't know. Try. Yeah. If you want to use an athletics to try and like pick her up and throw her. You have to get higher than her fortitude. 22. So no. Higher than fortitude? Yeah. Really? Yeah. What if I want to be picked up? Like not resisting? Yeah. Well, why would I resist?

Well, I'm going by weight. Fortitude is kind of tied to weight. She don't weigh that much. I'm like, yeah, I'm a hundred pound elf. Yeah, I fucked up. She was only 110, not 135. That was them. She's kind of gaining weight. Can I roll to help him throw me? You can't. You're... It's not your turn is the thing. It would still be a check of 24 even if we did it like... Could I do another heal check? Well, you can only do one standard. Can you do an action point? Yes, you can. Yeah, I'll do that then. Oh my god. Thank you so much, dude. Pop another healing surge. Thank you.

I thought you were going to do another athletics, but that works just as well. That was actually riskier to do. You know, that's a homebrew rule we did too, because normally that would just make her activate her second wind, whereas I modified it so that you pop a healing surge if someone runs a heal check on you. Gee, that's like the one time you weren't an asshole in Baria. That's very cool. I like to have you guys get a chance. A chance to die multiple times. Well, it makes more sense. If you're bending down to check on somebody and heal them, it would make more sense that it would be a minor, like a little heal.

That makes more sense to me. But whatever. That's everything you can do, isn't it Travis? Yeah. How about that shift? You should do that. Yeah, you can do that. Sh-sha. Boom. Just fleeing. Caliph, your turn. Take 15 damage. Well, at least I'm not fucking dead right off the bat. That's true. That's helpful. Not really. Actually, it is really helpful. Okay. You're down to seven. I don't have anything where I can shift multiple squares, unfortunately. Just move. The heat from these skeletons is intense. Just get out of there, because they're going to have to move to get you.

I'm actually going to first use a power called Vexing Overgrowth. And I'm going to pop that on number two, so everything within one burst of it, besides myself, obviously, is going to get hit by this thing. Do I have to roll for each one of them then? Yes, if it's an attack. Yeah, it's a burst. Okay. It is still in the... Is it 22 hit? Let's see here. 22. What is this first AC? No. Damn it. Okay. Fuck! What the fuck? The same fucking roll on both ones? What am I... Two and four. What's wrong with me? You might want to get out of there. There we go. Hey, three of it.

It's half damage, so fuck them. And also, they will all grant combat advantage for the rest of the encounter. Okay. Let me roll the damages. You, fucker. At least I hit you. Oh, shit. 21. You, half damage. So 10. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on. No, 21. The number three that I hit. Oh, I guess, yeah, the rest of them, they do the same damage. Yeah, so it'd be 10 damage. Okay. It's all good. He's probably dead. Yeah, and then I'm going to move back, and I still have my... No, I don't have my move action, do I? No, you just shifted. Can I shift again with my minor action?

No. Damn. Okay. Oh, shit. Would a 23 have hit their AC? Yes. Could I have gotten a plus one for thinking speedy? That was... You would have had to call that, like... I guess. I did have it all planned out, though. Uh, you did, but, I mean... Be a pal. We're on the brink of death. I'm pretty sure you gave one to Bri. Okay, I did, I did, okay. Favoritism, mother... Okay. I'm going to get another email. Jason and I are in a relationship. Seriously, don't tell anyone. Okay, so that's... It was. Rapid fire, bam, bam, bam. Just attack your dimes. Okay, that's done. Yeah, but, can I...

Did I get... Yes, I did. Yeah, I took care of it. Um, yeah, I'm trying to see if there's anything else I can do with my minor errors, but I don't... You used a minor already. Um, no I didn't. Weeee... Weeee... Where did I use the minor? You didn't. You didn't. I was just worried. It's almost like you're working against us. I just gave her extra damage when I probably shouldn't, but I want you guys to have a shot. Okay, uh... If the party wipes... Minor action on myself, Bountiful Vigor. Um, I gain, uh, five regeneration while bloodied. Okay, good. So, every turn...

Uh, every turn you're going to gain five... Okay. Oh, great, I only have twelve, so when those three fucking skeletons come at me, I'm just gonna burn to death again. Stab, stab, punch. Okay, great, yeah. Travis? You won't be stabbing, they'll hammer her to death. Don't worry about healing me anymore, it's fine. Halve-tive attack! Wait, if she falls unconscious again, what happens? 'Cause that's her third time. She just falls unconscious. I just keep on waking up and falling unconscious again. I had the weirdest dream. Shavar, your turn. Please come over here and do something and distract these fucking zombies.

I was thrown in... If you do a fireball phoenix, it'll distract them. The fireball phoenix, yes. They'll be like, "Ooh, pretty!" Dude, if they come near me again, I'm literally gonna die, and I can't come back again. Come on, don't fuck with me. I mean, Jepsi is a coward, but at least she helps. Come on, now. But Jesse's not here. Three of them are played. Like, I understand running, I get that, but not away from the fight entirely. Like, you have to come help. I remember when Ironhide did that. Yeah. I was gonna say, we're not on group one anymore, Justin. We can't just not help.

We're in Durham. We're disposable. This is the first fucking room. That's true. I don't wanna turn around. We'll go home. If these fucking fires don't go out, it's gonna be very upset. Can I suggest to them, like, "I'll suck your dick, and you don't fucking kill me?" They'd think about it forever. They're skeletal dicks. They make a skeletal dick. Roll to pleasure, skeletal hammer number four. They are flaming. I'll go down the fucking line, dude. I'll go down the fucking line. Even if it means me taking a chubby, then I will gladly suck it up. Taking a chubby. [Laughter] Oh, God.

Suck it up. Okay. Good. Perfect. That's exactly what I wanted. What are you gonna do here, seriously? Exactly. I don't know. I can't use Fountain of Flames, 'cause I feel as though that wouldn't work. Just distract them with anything. Immobilize? Do you have any immobilizing powers? I have, like, for one, but I have to get close, like, ten blocks or something. That's just- Okay, then run the fuck up. Come on. You're a pussy. You have more hit points than almost all of us. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. No. He's just paralyzed. You're gonna be stuck in this room with these skeletons if we all die.

That's all I'm gonna say. I will fucking run. I'm invisible. Where? Come do a heal check or something. Just anything. Yeah, let me ask, where are you gonna run? I don't fucking know. Dude, spend your action points. Just, like, move over there and distract them so they don't kill- Why are you moving there? Oh my God, they're gonna kill me. This is costing you your cut of this ten grand if we survive. Dude, if we fucking survive, then I'll be glad. I'll walk away. I'm gonna use a charm of misplaced I don't know because it's fucking cut off. I'm gonna be able to slide the target three squares, I'll bump him into number six and they'll all die or something.

Oh my God, that's not gonna help. You put yourself in a predicament, healer, where you have three bloodthirsty skeletons hitting you all at once. Oh my bad! You woke up just in time to get hit again. Bad timing, you know? It's the curse of my species. Alright, that hits. Number four, you realize that's not gonna knock down anybody, right? It's not gonna do any fucking damage. You're just gonna bump him into his friend like he's just- you just do it? I'm a fire mage. I have people skills, what's wrong with you people? Could you tell me what it is you do here?

I'm gonna use an action point. No, we're wondering the same thing. I'm gonna use an action point. Wait, are you shifting him? Did you do anything? Did it attack you damage? Well, it doesn't do damage, it shifts him. Are you fucking kidding? I don't have anything but fire! Get up here and do a slap fight with this freaking monster. Anything. We need them to die. He's gonna fucking baseball. Heal check, man, heal check. Okay, I'm going to do- Okay, let me ask, where are you shifting it? Oh, I'm gonna shift him right at number six. Okay, that's- okay. I don't think you can shift him into another enemy square.

Yeah, he's just gonna kinda bump into his buddy and he's like, "Oh, sorry, my bad." It's not like a force thing. I'm gonna shift number four up to three squares, so that's one, two, three. Right here. Does Kava get an opportunity attack? It's a shift, so no. Anything else from Shavar? You said you're gonna pop an action point. No, I think he does. Shavar, if you keep me alive, I have resurrection. So, I am your best bet at staying alive. Well, not staying, but like- He's dazed until the end of my next turn. The effect is the target makes a basic attack against the creature.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What attack is this? Charm of misplaced, I don't know, because it's cut off. Right, okay. It's a little weird. Okay, so you moved it away from all of its friends, though, so it can't attack anything. Yeah, so it can't attack anybody, yeah. What do you mean? Who's it gonna attack right now? You slide the target up to three squares. The target is then dazed until the end of its next turn. Effect, the target makes a basic melee attack against a creature of your choice as a free action. Okay, I got a better idea. He's gonna slide one, two, three.

Yeah. And he's gonna swing at five. That's not how that works. That's how that works, Jason. How about five swing at four? He's already learning how to do it, Jason. Look, okay, if he starts here, it's not like a fucking trick pull shot where you can slide him around. It's not how that works. It's a charm, though. It's a charm of misplaced something or other, so that means he literally disappears and reappears wherever he wants. Well, he doesn't disappear and reappear. You're sliding him. Oh, sorry, I thought it was shifting. Well, okay, it's up to three squares, so he starts here.

It is shifting, right? That's what they said, but it does say slide. Slide the target. When it said shift, I imagined he'd disappear. Okay, just slide him right down here and just have him attack number three. Okay. This is stupid. I hate everything now. No. Join the party. Five. We are a party, get it? We're all learning our characters. It's gonna kind of suck at first. It's fine. It's all good. If we live through it, we'll learn our powers. Here, you guys are learning? Here, fucking flaming hammer skeletons of death. He gets a plus two, though. He gets a plus two.

He does. Uh, both of those will hit, then. Wait, why does he get a plus two? Because of the feathers. Because of the attack? He's in the forest thing, too. Plus two tower, uh, he does attack. Wait, what does the forest thing do? He's in the leaf wall. What does the forest thing do? Um, I guess, I mean, if you're temporarily considering him an ally, oh, a different ally. Just kidding. Does it matter if he gets a plus two bonus because of the charm of misplaced? Yeah, right. Hold on. Hold on. We just want him to die, Jason. That's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on a second.

Just kill it. Just kill it now. Hold on, country leafy walnut. Partial concealer on. Enemy's great combat advantage. Okay. Never mind. That's okay. I just wanted to read that because she refused to, so that made me think. I just didn't want to find him. I'm lazy. Seven. Yeah, kill him. Kill him. Uh, okay, we'll make the second attack. Here we go. That's good. Fourteen damage. That does not quite kill. But hey, guess what? Four takes damage because he attacked something that wasn't me. Oh, bitch. How much damage? Let me figure that out. Making a hundred million. That's good enough.

It's so much damage that it kills all the other skeletons in the room. Also, I'm confused. Really quickly, sorry. It's okay. Uh, melee basic. Tarkness, you marked foe who shifts or makes an attack. So do I get to attack him because he shipped away from me? No, because it's a... Because it's part of another attack. It's not like he moved. What second wind did? Oh, Jesus Christ. How do you not remember that? I've explained it 700 times. You have used it. I thought it was a racial thing. No, everyone gets a second wind. You pop a second wind, you spend a healing surge, you get a plus two to all defenses until the end of your next turn.

I've literally explained that 500 times in the show. I want to use that. Well, it's not your turn anymore. No, it is. Nope. It's like the Cold Wolf fight, but way less common. Well, they can't see me, so I'm fine. Plus it's a standard action. You already attacked. Well, I have... It just says that I get to make a basic melee attack, but I also have bad news. Uh oh. My marked foe, they get negative two to attacks, not including me. Oh. Shame me, why? I'm sorry. How did you say anything? Whose team are you on? You're playing both sides. Sean Connery. You know what? I appreciate your honesty, Jamie.

So you're gonna just let him keep the damage? No, but I appreciate your honesty. You fucking narc, you bitch. Wow. Snitches against stitches, Jamie. I was looking at it hoping that he would let me make a basic melee attack since it shifted away from me. And I was like, oh crap, if he goes to check this skill, he's gonna see that I'm lying anyway. So it really wasn't that I was being honest, I was just trying to get to attack. Don't ruin it. Don't put the knife in their hands. Don't ruin it, you were being honest. Always keep the wand. All right, so that brings us to...

Well, wait a second. How is that worded? Is it worded as a slide or a shift? It's... Because if it's worded as slide, I'll let you have the basic melee attack. It says if it shifts or makes an attack, not including me. That actually sounds... So I should get to because it didn't attack me, it attacked its buddy. Okay, Shavar's attack says slide, so go ahead. Yeah. Any damage? Make it happen. That'll hit. Yeah. Kill it, kill it, kill it. Once he will kill it. Once he will kill it. It's dead, it's dead, it's dead. Yes! Oh my god. I just peed out of excitement. Shit. There's exactly four people standing right now against these four.

All right, skeletal hammer number five is going to shift down and swing at Caleb. No, fuck, fuck. Wait, wait, wait. Shit. Don't I have battle guardian still up? She's outside of the aura fort. Is she? Because I thought we agreed for this fight only. No, I didn't. Yeah, you gave me that. You said for this one, yes you did. I said, I can't take all the previous attacks back, I said we'll adjust it now. Wait, yeah, wait. I thought I was still good. No, you're not. It's an aura one. It's a burst one around him. Can it be a burst on a target? No, it can't. It's an aura.

Already you guys have gotten so much more... You've used it as like a burst fucking 10. It should be an entire encounter. Right, and trust me, it has saved your... You'd be doing way worse if it weren't for that. We're already doing so badly. I know. What I'm saying is... Don't hobble me now when I need it. Take the money and run, Tom, is what I'm saying. Maybe we shouldn't have had a fucking bat going and wake them all up. I don't know. I don't know, what about a good idea? A good going. That'll miss Caleb, and the second attack, that'll hit Caleb. Ummmm... Is there anything I can do ever?

Please, please, my God. As long as he doesn't do over 48 damage, you'll be fine. I mean, I don't care about dying, I just don't want to go down. Well, that's kind of the same bug there. Well, then you're in the wrong business with the Doomtit. Ha! Uhhhh... Thank you for supporting me in my questions. That shitty fucking joke. Oh no, I thought that was pretty great. I don't think there's much I can do. Well then, let's see what happens here. Hey, 14 damage, you're down again. Ugh. That's for not laughing at my joke. Fuck. Please. Hey. Why is she only negative two, so if they keep swinging at you...

Okay, okay, question. Yeah. If I'm down, can I still play as Tiv and do minor action, like little things to help out? Uhhhh... you'll... yeah, I'll allow that. Didn't he have a rocket? So he can use the rocket. Yes, he does. He's actually a rocket raccoon, and he's gonna fuck some shit up. Doesn't he have a collision to call up Titus back? [laughter] Didn't he fight in the Second World War? So I mean, he would know how to use guns. Alright, alright. Uh, skeletal hammer number three is going to move forward towards Nym and use pounding hammers. Uh, that'll hit.

Mark your ass over here and help out. 14 damage. That will knock out Nym. Oh, fuck me. Oh, this is going so bad. Nym, your turn. Take five damage. No. Stop doing that. [laughter] Oh my god. She's getting so pissed. [laughter] Third time he told me to take five damage. Sorry. I get it, my token is an elf, like, because I didn't want to do it. Yeah, I'm not, yeah, I know. It throws you off. Because there's only one female tiefling, I get it. Yeah. Gross. [laughter] Um... There's no show if you kill off the whole cast, right, Jason? [laughter] You know what, four teams was too much, just like everyone thought.

No, let's protest the unfair treatment of players and let's all just die. [laughter] Martyrdom, guys. We're united front, Jason, fuck you. Are you? I rolled a 15, by the way. I feel like we started this really lighthearted side project, everyone. [laughter] I rolled a 15, do I get a fucking health thing? No, but you're stabilized, you're not dying. So I'm at zero? No. So what do I have? You're just kind of in limbo right now until something, I mean you don't have to make checks, until something does more damage to you. Or until something helps. Wait, what?

I rolled a 15 for the death saving throw? Yes. Which means you're stabilized. So I just have to sit here? Yes. Stupid. I thought that if you rolled like higher than something, you got health. Well if you roll a 20, you get to pop a surge and stand back up. Oh, okay, alright. I think I have, with Jadzia, I think I have a feat that lets me, when I roll over a 15, do that. Yeah, something, yeah, because she's all about self-preservation. Yeah. Nems should be like that too. You know, it'd be great if these guys had blood. [laughter] If they were immune to fire and have no blood, this couldn't be worse for you.

It really fucking couldn't. Uh, Skelehammer number two is going to move up to Kava and take two swings. Oh my god, I thought she had 90 temp hit points. [laughter] I fucking wish. You're faster, stronger, you're a fucking vampire. [laughter] Oh, I do get temp though from my thing. Oh no, I think they're already there. Yeah, you can't stack them. Number six is going to move up and use Pounding Hammers against Kava. That's going to miss, and these are all awful rolls. That'll miss too. Jesus, so, okay. Kava, your turn. Whew, after escaping death from two Skeleton Hammers things, Kava is going to...

Time to pop those dailies, honey. See, I only have one daily left, and we're not even halfway through this dungeon. We're in the front door. We can always take a rest or something. Okay, I like that idea. Okay, I will pop a daily. My last daily, Murderous Assault. You must be wielding a two-handed weapon if you have... I don't have combat advantage, so... We can make a charge. Ooh, I have a cool effect with it. I can make a charge attack against a different target if I hit. So I'll hit six. I'm saying so matter-of-factly because it's going to happen. Come on.

Okay, am I still bloodied? Okay, I get plus one for bloodied. I get plus one for something else. Oh, wait, who? What, what? You at least gotta try to give me the reason why you get plus one for something else. Plus one for desperation. I'm looking for it. I haven't added it yet. Oh, okay. I thought you were just like, "What? What's up?" I'm just kidding. What if you sing? In Papa's voice? Is that like a plus five thousand? Is that an auto-hit? Somehow that's more unpleasant than the flaming devil's pleasant. And I... Want to hear that high note? Oh my god, yes! Boy, we're on episode two of this and it's already taking a dark turn.

I need help. I thought maybe we were canceled. You need to turn the difficulty down a little bit, you. I officially need help, guys. I need an intervention. This is supposed to be the fun show. I know! So I can't find it, so I'm just going to do my plus one because I'm a dragonborn and I get plus one when I'm bloodied. You missed. Please sing for it. Is that a thing? Because I totally will do it. I'll give you a plus one for singing in Cava's voice. In Cava's voice? That's going to kill her vocal chords. Well then, I wouldn't do it. It will literally hurt her. It will cause her physical pain to do and you're only going to give her one point.

I don't want to see her cause. I don't want to reinforce her hurting herself. This isn't jackass. Plus twenty is fair. No. I feel like a jackass, Jason. What do you usually do when people sing? I think you add more than just plus one. Kick them off the show. It's two, but I'll take the one because her voice is so horrible. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they are like it is better than yours. Oh my god, that's so horrible. I'm going back to her point, Jason. Alright, let me say this. Hold on. My teeth hurt. I could teach you, but I have to charge.

Charge? I'm going to give you a plus two for that. Now normally the word sing has to be in the thing. It has to be some kind of logistical reason. She can't fucking sing with that. Do I take a penalty for being uncomfortable? She's a hundred and ten years old. She's not fucking singing. Jamie, just because you really went for it, I'm going to give you a plus two on that. So plus three to your entire thing. Okay, if this doesn't hit, I'm going to cry. I will rage quit right now. I'm not even joking. I'm giving you a plus one for levity, essentially. Yes! You don't even need it.

And it almost crits anybody's teeth. Actually, technically she got a plus two, so I think that's a critical hit. No. Okay. I get to make another attack after this? Awesome. Eighteen. I don't think six has taken any damage yet. I was going to dominate, but then I fucking died. You're not dead. You're fine. Go help. So it says I can make a charge attack against a different target? You can't charge because you're standing right there. Can she shift and then charge? No. Because that's part of the attack, correct? It's an effect. Right, yeah, so you'd have to have a distance between you.

Unless you want to try to attack three, but you'll take an opportunity to attack from both of those. It's up to you. No. I just wasted that daily, because the only reason I didn't was because I thought the effect was super cool. It is. Super cool to be honest with you. Can I use my miner yet though? Sure. I'm going to try... Oh Jesus, I just realized that me and Travis are the only ones that are still in this fight. Fuck. And the mage. I'm not fucking counting him. Are you joking? I'm here. Get out of here. I'm a well wisher. And then I don't wish you any specific harm.

Um, okay. Oh, how about this? So this miner action, Grim Presence, each enemy in the burst whose will is equal to or less than twelve plus my level, which is twenty-two, they are hit. It's a close burst one, so two and six would be hit if their will is less than twenty-two. Are you popping up? Yes. They are both hit. They get to move. I get to push them one square. Okay, cool. I want to push two up against this wall. Boom. Does he take damage? No. Damn it. I'm going to push six right here. Okay, done. Now can I do my charge attack? No. Damn it, okay. Nice try though.

Anything else? No. Travis, your turn. Take five damage please. Don't worry. No. Total party wipeout guys. I'm going to heal check those one jett. Have you used second wind yet? I was going to help fucking Kayla. She's about to die. Ah dude, pop your second wind. I don't need to help myself. So if I guess I don't need to help anybody, I'll kill five. Well that would solve all the problems anyway. I'm going to take my hammer hand stance. Until the stance ends, whenever you hit an enemy with a melee basic attack, use a weapon, you can use a free action to push them.

That's not the one I wanted. I wanted to use battle wrath which gives me a plus two power bonus damage rolls. And that's my melee base. That is a hit. Remember you get bare strength so you get plus two to your damage roll. Okay, then it's one. You have killed the skeleton. Very nice. One more down. Thank god now I don't take fucking negative five damage. Is there anything I can do? Do you have any miners or something like that? Yeah, you speak of. Just be like a man, you know? You can move to a closer target probably. Yeah, move to three, that would be cool. It was close.

Kayla, it's your turn, roll a death saving throw please. Crit miss. Oh my god. That is one strike. Just about. Shavar, your turn. You want to be fucking useful maybe? Yeah, anytime. If the party lives through this, I wonder how they're going to treat Shavar. So just because I counted, Shavar has three fire spells out of the 29 spells he has. Right book. And he was like, all I have is three fire spells. There's a lot of shit where it's like burn your head and stuff like that. It's also a lot of like. Justin, you have a bunch of attacks that make enemies attack one another.

I know you used one of them, but look through. You have a bunch of attacks that do that. You have phantom foes, maze of mirrors, phantasmal killer, which also has a bonus thing where you get to attack them with psychic damage. Alright, yeah, I can use that. Okay, I'm going to use phantasmal killer then, but I'm going to move here. Just a little bit. That's ten blocks, I'm going to attack number two. Rescat. Okay, what this does is it becomes haunted by illusion. This de-fears, save ends until the illusion ends. It can make opportunity attacks and you can make it so you can kill him.

You can make him, there's an attack right underneath of it that you can use. Oh, so that's a miner that I used. Oh, okie dokie. Okay, alright, I'm going to use the miner. And it will miss. Okay. Fuck. Does half damage when missed. Oh, 22 damage. Wait a sec, wait a sec, wait a sec. Oh, no, it doesn't do 22 damage, it does 11. Kills it, right? No. Okay. Let's see here. Fuck it, skeletal hammer number three is going to use big swing. 26 versus travis's fortitude. 26? Oh, yeah, I have 26. So, come on Skype, I see Xavier's online, awesome. 31 damage to travis. So that will knock travis prone.

Does that also hit Nem? Oh, god, yeah, we're going to have to swing for Nem too, yeah. I'm so sorry. Isn't she on the ground though? And he's like swirling? Yeah, but still it does count as an attack that she would be in range of. Maybe give him minus? Actually it would be a plus because she's on the ground. She's kind of defenseless. But let's say, canonically, just for making sense, it would be a negative two because she's on the ground and he's spinning around. So maybe his hammer drops and like hits her head at some point or something if that's the case.

That is savage. That would do some damage like, ugh, the most vital part of the human body. It just hits her head or something. I'm just coming up for a fucking in-game reason why that would happen. Sometimes the rules don't always... Cat teammates and misery. So I'll swing at a plus 13 instead of a plus 15. 20 versus Nem's fortitude. Yeah, I'd hit, yeah. 17 damage. That doesn't kill you. So you're at negative 19. Where's your help? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I think you both did the negative 19 because now she's at negative 34. Ooh, my bad, yep. Come on, guys. Okay, it's fixed.

Okay. Nem, your turn. Let's say we roll a death saving throw. Sorry, I thought it was Izzy's turn. Oh, it's okay. Crit one. Okay, that's trick one. This was supposed to be lighthearted, yeah. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, he doesn't know I'm up here. Oh, you used blurred, didn't you? All right, well then, we're going to advance on Kava. Una's not here. I know, right? But you're still a coward. You can't call me a coward anymore. That's a miss. That's another miss. Number six is going to use big swing. He can't use big swing twice, right? No, no, that's one of their regular things they can use.

The penalty is that it also hits allies. 30 versus Kava's fortitude. It's not even a question. I know. 26 damage to Kava. And I'm down. No, you have ten hit points. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's only 15. Only 15. So just don't get hit again. I haven't done my second wind either, so I'm going to do that next. Okay, I'll take those away. I'm going to need to take a walk through a meadow or something, I think, before writing these sessions. I need to find a meadow. Kava, your turn. Second wind. Okay, standard action. Boom. Plus two to all of your defenses until the end of your next turn, and you get to spend a healing surge.

I'll pop it for you. Thank you. Boom, you're back up to 31 hit points. Awesome, and that was my standard, right? Yep. I am going to move, because I've got two on me and this blows. Where do I want to move to? Because there's two downed over here. Travis has got his handful. He's on his back right now. He's been learning from you guys. I'm going to assume that they have a pretty high speed, because they were able to get through that fire thing, so moving really wouldn't even do anything. Jason? Yes, ma'am? I'm actually back up, because I have bountiful vigor, so I've been gaining plus five every turn.

That's true. You're right. So your next turn will take care of it. Congratulations. Sweet. If you move anywhere, they'll have opportunity attacks. Will they? Yeah. Not if you shift. If you shift and then move, you're fine. Right, but you shift. Okay. And my movement is... Straight. Are you popping an action point? Because your standard was to... you can take a standard and turn it into a move, but you can't take a minor and turn it into a move, so you're using your move to back up, then you're out of stuff. Well, I thought you can move and then... I thought shift didn't count as a movement action.

That is your movement action. Shifting? Yep. Okay, then I guess I'm done. Yeah, sorry. Travis, your turn. Okay, I guess I can use my movement to stand up, right? Yep. Alright, I'll do that. Can I use my second movement? Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. It's getting scary out here. Just hit adjust HP and it does it. I'll get it. Okay. Thank you. And I guess I'll use melee basic attack with some tool. That is a hit. That will kill the skeleton. Woo! Yeah! Two more guys, two more. Come save me, Travis. I know, I'm good, man. I'm gonna chill. Okay, Caleth, your turn and you would be at ten hit points.

Cool. So, because I've been actually being okay for this time, can we say that I'm not prone anymore? I just stood up. Do I have to spend a thing on that? I would say you have to spend a thing on that. Okay. Okay, so move action to stand up. Shit. Can't shift to the minor action, right? No. Okay. I need to get over to NAMM. Wait, I lied actually. Cool, we're good. I'm gonna spend by standard, I guess, to shift over to NAMM and then I have one more healing word left, so I'm gonna use that on NAMM. Okay, boom. You get to spend a healing surge. I'll give it to her right now.

And you get a plus seven. Oh, sorry, I am back, by the way. Oh, okay. I didn't know you were back yet, so I'm just gonna do it because I'm right here and you're up to twenty-four hit points. Did you give her the plus seven? I did. Alright, Shifar, your turn. Table, step, turn. Six. NAMM or NAMM, I'm gonna cast Invisibility because I'm a team player. Target, you or one creature, the target becomes invisible until the end of my next turn. Target makes a detective invisibility end, so please just don't fucking make an attack. Just stay invisible, let it go. I like how you guessed that after she stands up.

Exactly, like I- Wait, are you casting that on me? Yeah. Cast that on Caleb. No, they can see you because there are more than like five spaces right next to him. I'm doing that for you because like your turn is next, so you can haul ass somewhere else. Maybe she doesn't want to run, like a little bitch. Oh man, you fucking say something. Well I probably do, to be fair. I'm just thinking like practically, I was like wait, I have more hit points and I think I do more damage than Caleb because she's our healer. You should protect the healer. But it doesn't work on her, is that what you're saying?

I wasn't, I couldn't like, you were right in the way. You, could you move closer? It's fine, I've got some cool dailies I can use pretty soon. That was six spaces right there, like I'm trying to help, alright? You know, you yell at me and you scream at me. You make me feel like a mess. Well we have to yell, you were so far away. You're trying to get into my possession guys, be cool. Nim, your turn. Well, now I can't do anything because I'm invisible. You can walk around, you can do stuff, just not like, if you want to, haul ass and just deal with it. Heal check people.

Okay. Be a field medic. I'll heal check Nim, I have a really shitty heal check but that's all I can do. You're healing yourself? No, I meant, sorry, Caleb. Oh. Eight, didn't matter. You can move. You can pop a healing surge, right? No. Uh-huh. I can use second wind. Yes. Wait, that's a standard action. Yeah, I moved and then I, oh yeah, I heal checked. Yep, never mind. Shit. Oh god. You know shit's going bad when Bree doesn't even sound cheerful anymore. I know. You killed it, Jason. You killed that happiness. I really like how this was supposed to be fun and it's like, then you get AIDS warts.

Came here to write quite a few laughs. AIDS warts AIDS, like that, like it's a special type. Really, really sorry. Special type. It's like it flows through the air so there's no escaping it. Stop trying. You failed. Get nothing. I'm so fucking sorry. I just... What were you thinking? This is DM shaming right here. What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Going through a rough time, guys. I'm just like, you know, I wanted to provide a challenge. Shut up at, uh, um, very ill prepared for... I'm gonna fuck Ty in this room. You know how close it was from doing second wind and hauling ass?

And trying my luck with the door? [Laughter] Clawing at the door. Would've ran after him. [Laughter] What is said, like, I'm getting the door for us, guys. I mean, it's for us. Okay, um, number two is going to move up then over. And going to use... Fucking bring it, bitch. Just do it. I'm ready. Miss? Yeah. That's gonna hit. That's a crit miss also, bitch. Thirteen damage. Wait, what if I missed? I'm gonna take it like a man. They didn't both miss. Yeah, they did, didn't they? It was a twenty-nine. Yeah, that's what I missed. I was just thinking what I wanted to see.

Yeah, um, still hammer. Wait, doesn't she have, didn't she pop second wind? Yeah, it still hits. No. It's still five above. Yeah. I don't know, I'm just strong. I'm all tight, right? I'm being kind of a cunt. I know. Everything's bad. And up, uh, gonna flank. Save her. Oh man, pounding hammers with a plus two for flanking. That'll hit. Ugh. Don't worry, Cava, we're coming. That'll miss, so damage to eleven. That's nothing. Woo! Still good. That's nothing. Miss Bitch, you're turn. Fucking die. So you got f*cked. I imagine Marv from Sin City getting electrocuted and it's like, just spitting out blood and shit.

Jason, mark that down for a... Yes, I know. For the, you're not allowed to say. I know. But that was the best usage. It was. I'm gonna mark six. Okay. And I'm going to do Brash Strike. And I'm still bloodied, so I get a plus one. Hit. That is a hit. Eighteen. Eighteen damage. Show me that little blood drop, come on. Nope. Damn it. Oh, it's Cava's voice. It's just gonna be her permanent voice. God damn it. There was a little timbre there that was kind of... Anything else, ma'am? No. Travis, your turn. I am going to saunter on up to number six. I'm gonna step in and offer just a little bit of insight.

If you moved here, you'd have combat advantage, just saying. That's what I meant to do. Yeah, I figured you'd have to say that. You're a pro. I'm not gonna tell you how to do that. So first you're cunt and now you're patronizing. Wow, I'm trying... You know what? Fuck you. Wipe then. I don't care. Don't say that. I'm gonna use battle round, which gives me a plus two power bonus to my damage. And I'm gonna do melee, basic, and then I'm gonna... Does that sound like a good screen? That is a hit. Plus two. Plus two to the damages. Please bloody it. That's bloodied damage.

Do you have anything else? I didn't have a pulse tower, so you have to do that melee. I got it. Kaelath, your turn. Okay. Cava needs some healing, but I'm kinda out of heals, so here's what I'm gonna do. Oh god, I'm gonna have to actually be near this fucking skeleton, but I will. I'm gonna move here and then I'm gonna use reap vitality. So... Wait, shit. Okay, this kinda sucks, but I'm gonna actually move there. And attack number six. Come on. Yes! Almost a crit. Fuck. Okay. And that means that allies who start their turn adjacent to me are gonna regain hit points equal to my constitution modifier.

So you get three hit points till the end of the encounter if you're near me. Okay. Anything else? It's gonna do 27 damage. 27 damage. Awesome. That's nice. And I don't really have anything else I can do, so I'm gonna end my turn there. Okay, Shavar, don't forget you regen five hit points too. Ah, yes, true. Shavar, your turn. Alright, cool. Um... I'm gonna make a tactical retreat. I've been doing this the entire time! I'm gonna kill Shavar after this fight is what's gonna happen. I'm okay with that. I'll help. Fuck it. Hold him down. Feed him to the skeleton. Get his shoes.

I'm gonna hit right here. So it's a... it's a Mazemirrors. It's a blast one. Or a burst one, so... Is that another daily? No, it's an encounter. It's gonna hit number two. Okay. And depending on if this hits or not... Oh, it hits! Okay, so this is what happens. Each creature in the blast, which was just one of them, targets immobilize and takes a negative four penalty to his attack rolls until the end of my next turn. Okay. No damage, but still that's pretty cool what I just did. Very cool. Anything else? Um... second wind is still... uh, oh. Alright, yeah. Never mind.

No. No, I'm good. Nym, your turn. Alright, I'm going to move up here. It's five. And I'll use Dominarian Gaze against number two. Hit. He's under my control now. It's a crit! Oh my god, it's a crit. It's a crit. I don't know if that does anything. It doesn't, but... That shouldn't mean that he's under control for multiple turns or something. Oh, he's dominated by this power until it's saving throw, I believe. Oh, nice. So it's not like a one turn thing, it's... Oh, it's against Wilvahn, right? Like, yes, you will. Yep. Okay. You're done? Mm-hmm. Okay, Skeleton. Then it's your turn.

Alright, I don't know the Skeleton's powers. Basically, you can take the big swing and he spins around, or you can just do two of the hammering blows. Okay, I'll have him come over here so that he's at combat advantage with Kaelath, and I want him to hit his friend really, really hard. Okay. And he will try that. So, pounding hammers, plus two, that hits. That hits. I love you, Bree. It's dead. Totally, totally dead. So beautiful. Yes! Alright, and he's dominated, so he just stands there while we hit him. He just rolled a saving throw too, so he can't do anything.

Kava, your turn. Yes! Wait, so does that mean he's not even using his defenses and we hit him no matter what, basically? Yep. He's dumb. He's dominated. I tell him, fling out your arms like Jesus, we're gonna fucking murder the shit out of you. Someone do it really fucking violently, please. Oh Bree, I love you. It's Kava too, so... Ugh. Just rip his head off, just rip his skull off and shove it up to Shafar's butt. It's so rare to hear Bree take that tone of voice. I know I fucked up somewhere while I'm building this. I have ground her will down, I feel bad.

You're done, guft. Well, mark two, and brash strike. And I'm just rolling damage, right? You're just rolling damage. 19 damage. Travis, your turn. Why do you hit me, master? To be fair, shouldn't it automatically be crit damage if you don't have to throw it? I would say yeah, because he's technically helpless. Yep. So you're basically performing a coup de grace each time you hit him. So that was 24 damage. Oh god. Alright, go ahead Travis. Whatever you roll is gonna be a crit, so... Okay, I'm gonna use a Battle Wrath, which gives me a plus two, and my melee basic attack.

Is that a daily? No, it's just a state. So just roll max damage, plus two. You hammer the shit out of the skeleton and it dies. When the last skeleton falls... The fire better fucking go out. There's this kind of eerie release of wind, like a gust. And it blows backwards down this hall and extinguishes all the flames. Treasure, treasure, treasure, treasure, treasure, treasure, treasure, treasure. Kava isn't even gonna give notice to her wounds, she's just gonna run for that fucking chest. Um, excuse me. I think I deserve that shit. I'm gonna turn into a bat so I go faster, and it's mine.

You immediately... Okay. Wait, none of you can even open the chest without me. That's fine. Hold on. Um, firstly, congratulations on clearing room one of this dungeon. Room one! God damn it! Secondly, I think that's probably a good time for us to stop. Now wait a second, I think we need to get some roleplaying done so it's not stale when we start up. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. Do you want us to murder you? Because you know that's what's gonna happen, right? No it isn't. I was doing my part. You teleported one of those fuckers right at me. Okay, Cher, that was a bad decision.

I understand that. You hit me fucking hard. No you didn't! You were in a wet! That's true, he tried to hit me hard, and the only reason it didn't work was because I used to do it. You did not hit you hard. You used to fucking Satan right at my face like I was a child. Can I get a Cher and we cut his throat? No! What happened? We all just start closing huns. Like, "Hey man, what was that all about? What, you just run around the back and didn't even look?" I was doing my part, look how much health I have. I was like that for a long time. I fell three times, bitch.

Because you kept running at them as a healer. No, they kept on chasing me. No... you stayed up there. So we need to rest. Is there a way we can turn the fire thing back on so we can sleep in here? Well, they're extinguished now. You wanted them out. They're out. I mean, it's kind of... they're tied to that. I've got a thing where we don't take a negative to perception if we're asleep. I'm sure we would sleep in shifts too. That being said, I think that it's probably a good time for us to stop for the night. Yeah. Because it's not gonna get better from here, I'll be honest.

This is where we leave. You need to retcon whatever you've got planned. This shit was supposed to be like, "Yeah, we're just scumbags fucking around, we don't even give a shit." And then it's like, "Oh god, everyone's fucking dying. Wow, fuck. Christ, there's no humor, there's no fun." I can't control dice rolls. I can't. But you could've thought, "Hey, there's a fire mage and a vampire, maybe I shouldn't put them against the flaming skeletons of death." You know what though, guys? It feels so good that we beat them. Right! Because they're so hard. Right.

Thank you, Jenny. No, it doesn't. I must quash Pity over Quality, girl. I will... the more things I can kill easier, the better. We must've gotten hella XP on that, though. You did very well for yourselves. That means we didn't get much. We're all paragons now, yeah. Like I said, I'm gonna have to take a long walk or something before... I'm in the wrong mindset. Listen to happy songs before our next session. Something. I'm in the wrong mindset. This is supposed to be goofy and happy and that was not goofy and happy. I'm listening to the fun... not the fun, necessarily, but I'm listening to the...

Joy, the hope of the happiness. All of that drain away and get washed away. Just me and our characters. We just got them. And just covered in a sea of gray. In the beginning I tried to sound upbeat and stuff like that, but I heard that nobody was fucking having it, so... I wanted people to get pissed at me, so it was like they were at least uniting. As soon as I lost Bree, I'm like, "Oh no." Dude, she's not even laughing at that. She's... I know. You're done fucked. I know. That's okay. I'm... I'm... It's cynical laughter, but I'm muted. By the way, I know people have work tomorrow.

I'm really sorry that this went until like 1.30 in the morning. It's cool. I might just be a little out of it for tomorrow's session. Oh, jeez, yeah. We got... Okay, yeah. We can do it again tomorrow. Fucking luck. We'll totally record... Bree, we'll record the other stuff some other time. Yeah, it's really late. Yeah, no, no. Totally, totally cool. We'll get it in some other time. What are you talking about? We're recording some stuff for that Kickstarter video, like a fun little... Fun, yeah. Of course it will be weird to hear John Zia's voice just like filled with hatred for Valis for no good reason.

Like just really spiteful and we don't know why. Valis isn't me. Just remember. You can be filled with hatred of Malis for me. I'll adjust a few things. We'll see what happens. Oh, God, I'm thinking about a few other things that are in this dungeon. They won't be anymore. They're not going to be in this dungeon differently. Brianna only opened up one chest, right? So there may be some cool fighty stuff in the other chests. There are other locked chests in there. We'll have to see. Angry spiders have been locked up for hundreds of years. More skeletons. You have jewels like in Dragon Age where you touch it and you get a plus three to AC or something.

Just so we can survive this goddamn dungeon you've made. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, guys. Portals of fucking hell you created for us. For our fun, whimsical group. Just wanted to have a few laughs, Jason. I imagine every time somebody gets one of these, they're like, "Oh, I'm going to die." And you have a few laughs, Jason. I imagine every time somebody gets bloodied, their mind goes right back to that kid at home that's going to lose their fucking father or mother. Jesus. It wouldn't have been like, I wouldn't have a high penis. Ah, there's a green penis.

It would have been fine if it were like group three. I wouldn't have minded. It's like, this was the fun group. What happened? I'm interested to see what happens when I move. I really am. I wonder what's going to happen. Should be ashamed. I'm just wondering. I'm wondering. Will it change? Will it get worse? Will it get better? Interested. But you guys, don't take that away from yourselves. You did it. That's the thing. It was challenging and you did it. And no one's buying that fucking pep channel. I'm fucking excited, don't we? Nope. Wow. Okay. Well, thanks for playing, guys.

That's like when a parent just stormed out of the room. Yeah. And the dad's like, "Well, guys, we'll go get ice cream." And all the kids are like... I guess. Is mom coming back? Are you guys going to get a divorce? Like Timmy's parents? Oh, Brianna. This is a direct defiance? I didn't think it was my fault until you told me it wasn't my fault. That was actually a really good one. Yeah, that's how I usually do them. The thing is, you can't draw on what's not the map here. Like, Jason has some special thing covering it up, so I had to find a big canvas for my dick.

Is she fighting the system? Now, Jamie, if you could make some with your green or Kayla with your gray, if you could make some... Oh, I got white shit all over this. Oh, beautiful. Perfect. Make sure you do it individually so he has to clear them all one by one. Oh, yeah. It's important to me. You're not done in here. I'm just... Who's up with those giant dick monsters? Are you going to get us? Oh my god, it's all over. No, I see it. It's in pretty good shape. Delicious. My boyfriend just walked by and he saw it. What is this game about that you're playing? Okay.

Alright, I'm going to go, guys, because I have to wake up early. I'm so sorry. Thank you very much for sitting down and playing, guys. It's going to be a really good session when it's edited. I would say it was fun, but... You had fun. It was emotions. Edit that hate out of our voices. Is there a button for that? Get ready for group two tomorrow. Okay, good night, everybody. Good night, guys. Bye, guys. Bye. - Bye. - Love ya.