Blood in, blood out

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Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master, going around the table to start with Justin. Hi, I'm Justin Massey, I play Jarek Ironhide. And Kat. Hey, I am Kat Charlie, and I play Fi, the Changeling Thief. And Izzy. Hi, I'm Izzy, and I play Uno, the Half-Elf Paladin. And Bree. Hi, I'm Brianna, and I play Judthea Grace, the Human Warlock. And the last additions to the Dungeons & Randomness cast, it's been a long time. Say hello to Jasper. Hi, yep, I'm Jasper Permentor, I'm playing Merrick Ethelred, Human Cleric.

And Mac. Hi, I'm Mac, and I'll be playing Kaluna Vulgaris, Wildin' Shaman. Okay, so, last time we played, we ended things a bit tense. It revealed that Brianna no longer has her powers, it would seem. Both her and Fi were trying to break into the mayor's mansion in Esterholt to get a stab, quite literally, at Marcus. I like that pun. Thank you. Worked on that for three weeks. And they were kind of, the guards kind of picked up on what they were doing, and they were sort of ambushed by them. Bri went to throw a punch, and it was just kind of a feeble punch, she had just been resurrected by Una.

And that's pretty much where we left off. So, Fi. Yep. We're going to get ready, if you'd like to please go ahead and roll initiative. Thank you, Vicki. 22. That's good. Do I need to roll again? Oh, yes, yes you do. Hold on a second. I'm trying to add Fi to the initiative tracker twice, and it's not letting me all of the sudden. Are you the worst? I practice at it. Boom. And boom. Okay, so you're in there twice. You're good to go. Alright. Overwatch Soldier 1 is going to use his longsword attack against Brianna. So after she throws this punch, and it doesn't connect, the guard is going to take this as resisting, and he is going to pull out his sword and try to swing at Bri.

That is a crit-ness. She gets her powers back. And that's it, guys. That's the end. I don't know what everyone was worried about. DM, make it happen. Fi, go ahead. Hey, good day, Q. Okay, so I'm going to kick off with backstab and Hunter's Quarry, and a melee basic attack against number 1. So I get a 3 on that. And that's cool. And that's a hit. Okay, so it's just the 2d10+7 now, isn't it? Yes. Okay, thank you. And then that's 18. And then an extra 2d6 from my backstab, which is 4. And where are we? 1d6 for Hunter's Quarry. 6. Can you add that on manually, please, Jason?

Sure can. And 2d8 sneak attack. 13. That will kill him. Yes! So, shit. Alright. Excellent start. And that is everything that I can do. Bri's turn. So as you can imagine, that's pretty friggin' jarring. That is the first time she has ever went to use her powers and they just didn't work. So she's... there's a moment where there's kind of shock and disbelief. There's nothing happening with her fist other than just a balled up little fist. And then the guard swings at her, she kind of flinches, it misses. And then she's kind of looking to Phee, like, "What do you want to do here?

Do you want to try to make a run for it?" You can kind of see it in her eyes. There's kind of like a panic in there. Okay, I'm gonna look at her and say it in a low voice. Let's finish this quickly. I have a shortsword on me. What action would it be to give it to her? That would have been on your turn. Okay, very nice. Yeah, so she's gonna go ahead and just delay for now. Okay. Overwatch Soldier 3. So you just killed his buddy. So he is going to go ahead and use his longsword on Phee. That'll hit. 15 damage. Okey-dokey. 4. Gonna walk up to Phee. Longsword. That's a hit. 16 damage.

And Overwatch Soldier 2. Gonna move up to Phee. Longsword. Hits. 16 damage. That will bloody Phee. Phee, your turn. Okey-dokey. Okay, so Click the Walking Winded will get me two healing surges. And that looks like that's a free action. Oh, that's using my second wind. What action is it to give Pree the shortsword? Minor. Minor. Okey-dokey. Brilliant. Okay, so I will... if I can find it. Unbalancing Trick will allow me to shift there. And can I give Pree my shortsword? Yes. Awesome. And then my standard will be using my second wind and healing. So two surges. Cool. Which adds 34 to me.

And that is everything. Okay, let's have Pree go right after you so she's not delayed. So you're gonna hand her the sword and she has never held a weapon in her life. She's never needed to. So this will be fun. She is going to kind of... it's almost panic. As you hand her the sword it's like "Ahh." That's like me handing you an alien pistol. It's like "What the fuck do I do with this?" So she obviously knows what a sword is and how to use it. She's never had to use one before. Like she isn't familiar with the weight of it or any of it. So there's going to be a pretty big negative to her attacks but she is going to kind of hold the sword for a second and then kind of take this big clumsy swing at guard number two.

That's gonna hit. Wow. Yes. That's why United is pretty damn good. Be a nice luck. Where's my dice for whatever. That'll be 13 damage. Nice. And Phee, your turn. Okie dokie. So... OK. So tactical trick gets me combat advantage. I'm gonna move there. And then just a melee basic attack on number two. Plus two for combat advantage. And that's a hit. So damage... 25. That'll bloody the soldier. And sneak... which is somewhere... there we go. Sneak... That'll kill him. Yes. And that is everything I can do. Let's see. Overwatch Soldier 3. He's gonna use his longsword against Phee.

That's a crit. That is 23 damage and that'll bloody Phee. And Overwatch Soldier 4 is gonna use the same thing. Longsword. That'll hit. 15 damage to Phee. 16. 16 damage. Oh god. Sorry the blue line was covered. 16 damage to Phee and that'll take him down to 16. Phee, your turn. Okie dokie. So tactical trick again will get me combat advantage. And then just a melee basic attack against number three. 25. That's a hit. 24 and sneak attack. 11. And he's actually still alive. Do I have anything for minor? No I do not. That is everything that I can do. Ok. Bree's gonna shift forward.

Saddle up right next to Overwatch Soldier 3. Swing her sword and that'll be a miss. Shit. Phee, your turn again. Okie dokie. Ok so a melee basic attack on number three again. That's a hit. That will hit. That's 18. Damage 19. Kill him. Okie dokie. So unbalancing trick to get me in front of four. And using my action point to melee basic attack number four. And that's a hit as well. That's 18 and he is prone. There's nothing I can do to intimidate is a standard isn't it? Yeah. Ok. That's all I can do then. Alright. Overwatch Soldier 4 is going to stand up. This guy is just pissed.

Like you two should not have done what you've done. And mostly it's Phee. Because they have no idea you're holding court scale or any of that. Like they just figured it's just a couple of assholes snooping around. So this turned into a situation that should have been easily taken care of into a life or death struggle. Overwatch Soldier is going to use his longsword. That is going to hit. Nine damage. That is so close. Jeez. Phee your turn. Okie dokie. Ambush trick will get me combat advantage. And then melee basic attack. 18. 20 misses as well. 20 would miss as well wouldn't it?

Yes. I didn't add combat advantage to it. That's everything I can do then. Bree's turn she is going to...she's going to kind of see that you're in a bit of trouble here. You're obviously hurt. She's going to shift forward and kind of swing her sword at Overwatch Soldier 4. That is going to miss. Phee your turn. Okie dokie. I am going to use a healing surge. And that brings me up to 24. And that is everything I can do for this turn. Yep. Alright. Overwatch Soldier 4 is going to swing his longsword at Phee. That is going to miss. Phee your turn. Okie dokie. So ambush trick gets me combat advantage.

Melee basic. And that's a hit. That will hit. Damage. 17. And sneak. That will kill him. Yes. Oh my god. Okie dokie. Jesus fucking christ. Ok so now that we've killed them is it possible to grab Bree and run towards the borders of the land? Towards the closest cover? Um. Yeah. I would even advise that. Maybe. Yeah. Do me a favor and roll a perception check please. 21. So after the fight I imagine you're kind of taking a look around to see who might have heard that. Who could have. And you give just a couple of seconds pause. You don't hear anything right away. But from the back of this house you are going to hear footsteps.

That sound like. That sound like. It's someone investigating something. Like they may have heard a noise. It sounds like there's some purpose in their footsteps. They are coming this way. But that is just from the back of the house. So you could run in the opposite direction which would be the way you came in. Or you can kind of slip her. Ok so that's what you want to do? Yeah. So you're just going to grab Bree's hand and start running? Yeah yeah. So she's still kind of in a bit of shock. One she's never used a sword to hurt anyone before. And two she doesn't seem to have any power whatsoever.

So she's kind of looking at the body as it's fallen down and you kind of grab her hand and jerk her forward. Do me a favor and roll an athletics check. 25. 22. Ok. You are going to just start running back the way you came. Coming out of this yard where the mansion is. There are two figures on the side of the street who appear to be watching you both. Roll a perception check for me please. 24. Ok. Jasper, Mac you want to give a description of your characters please? Start with Jasper. So my character, he's kind of short, kind of stocky. He kind of looks like he's kind of weathered.

Like he needs to probably get a good bath. Maybe sleeps out in the woods a while. He kind of looks like Lemmy from Motorhead. He's got serious mutton chops. He's got a pretty close beard but he has this moustache that's like a horseshoe moustache. Like flowing. It's magnificent. He's got some pretty nice chain mail on but he's got a pretty tattered tabard. He's got a hand crossbow on his belt. He's got this huge two handed morning star. It's like a big club with a big golden ball on the end with spikes coming out of it. And he looked pretty ragged. So, standing with him is Kaluna obviously.

And she is not short. She is almost six feet tall. She looks in her face almost sort of feline. And her skin is all brown and it looks like bark. And she has just this big old bushly mane of leaves on her head and poking out of it are a bunch of flowers. And you can see like a bunch of other flowers poking off of her shoulders. And she has a little flowing cape on her back made out of leaves and some vines hanging off her head like hair. And all of the leaves on her are glowing white as are her eyes. So this is completely up to you if you'd like to. Are they like, what are they doing standing on the side of the street?

Like what are you motioning towards them? Are you? How far away from the house are they? They would be across the street from it. Like they could kind of see what's going on but they're not really close to the house. You guys would be a fair distance away from the house at this point. Oh okay, yeah cool. So Marek would be motioning hardcore like, come on, come on, come on, get the fuck over here, come on, come on, come on. Kaluna would just sort of wave like, hi. Yeah, if Marek is motioning like that he's going to kind of head towards. And then when he gets in front of them he's going to look around, look behind him to make sure no one's following him.

And he's like, what? So Marek, Jason, is there an alley or something we can sort of move away from the street instead of just standing on the... Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. There's lots of little alleys in Estrahold. So I'll grab Fie's arm, whichever one is actually an arm, and pull him like, come on, come on, come on, come on, there's going to be more, there's going to be more. Okay yeah, Fie's going to follow but he's going to keep a firm grip on his sword. Bree's just going to go with you. She doesn't have a whole lot of choice at the moment. Alright, so the four of you kind of duck down this alley.

And if you turn back towards the house you can kind of see where they, you can see the illumination of torches and it's kind of looking like they've discovered the bodies. Like you can hear shouting and like the jig is up. Like they're, they kind of found out what you did. They aren't really advancing towards where you ran off. So it doesn't look like they necessarily spotted where you were but they are beginning to kind of fan out and search the area. So Merrick's just trying to keep everybody as much in some sort of shadow or shade or pull back to the edge of the alley wall or whatever is possible.

Just like let him go by, let him pass, let him pass. Okay yeah, after like a few minutes have passed and it doesn't appear that like anyone's coming after us, I presume nobody's like kind of passed by the alley or anything, Jason? No, not yet. They haven't fanned out that far yet. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's gonna look at the two and it's like, okay, what do you want? So first of all Merrick's gonna say nice arm and he's gonna look at Bree and say, why are you wearing pajamas? Bree's just gonna kind of look down and realize like, oh, these aren't my regular clothes.

Who are you? Well, I'm Merrick. This is Luna, Kaluna. Kaluna will sort of hop up and be like, hi. Bree's coming way back, hi. Right, you need some healing, is that right? You look like you just got into some brawling. Just a little bit. Is it possible to use like a healing word type thing and get him up for a healing charge? You don't even need a healing word, just run a little heal check. You're in combat. 26 for heal. Boom, gorgeous. Great. We don't know who you are, but we know what you're up to, basically. We want in. You want in to what, exactly? We don't have any love for the Overwatch.

We followed you and we watched you be followed. And we've been watching your entire group for a couple of days. We know what's here, we know who's in there, and we want in. Insight. Go right ahead. 27. 27. That seems like he's on the level. It does seem like they have been following you, they kind of know what you're up to. How they know is kind of up for debate, but it seems like he's telling the truth. Okay. Yeah. So how long have you been watching us, following us? How much do you know about us so far? Well, we don't know who you are exactly. We just know what you're up to.

We want to be able to be part of anything that's bringing this down. And right now, it seems like you guys have your finger on the pulse. Okay. Fae's going to turn to Brie and say, "You're still the leader. This is your call." Why exactly have you been following us? Kaluna. Kaluna will step forward and she'll sort of stop smiling a little bit and she'll be like, "What will she say? Shit." She'll sort of explain. She'll step forward and say, "We sensed something wrong in the forest and we were sent to investigate and we found it. Gone. We learned that it was the Overwatch and we set off to do what we could." No offense, but portions of the forest have been gone for a long time.

Why did it take so long? Where are you from originally? We are from the Silver Glade. Many of our people went to investigate what happened and we never heard from them again. Really sorry to hear that. Merrick's going to step in for a second and just say, "She says 'we' a lot. She's not speaking for me." So how are you tied up in this? I've been wandering around for a long time in Theria and I'm basically sick of seeing everything that's happening. This isn't okay. And it's time for me to actually prove my worth. I haven't had much of a worth in a long time or any friends.

So here we are. Bree's going to look over to Kat. I mean, we've got to get off the street. So if we could just get back to the house, we could sort this out there. I don't think they mean us any harm. Sounds like a plan, but let's make sure to stick to allies and stay out of the main street. Okay. Fine. Let's just get going. I don't think it necessary to make a stealth check considering the guards are kind of busy back there. And as long as you're a step ahead of them, I don't see why you'd have to roll a stealth check. So let's say that you've arrived back at Darmok's old house.

Jadzia's house now. Let's just call it Jadzia's house. Who would be in the living room, so to speak? Who would be at the bottom floor of the house? Who's asleep? Who's awake? Jadzia would be up. Jadzia would be up, but she's probably still in the library. Okay. Yeah, Una would be waiting for... I mean, at this point it's probably been pretty clear that Phee and Bree are gone, so she'd be waiting for them. Okay. Thales would probably be with Jadzia. Being awkward. Breathing heavily in a corner. It's boring. I hate it. So these four are going to come traipsing through the door.

How would... Okay. So coming back in the door, Phee, how do you want to handle this? Like, how do you want to explain what just happened? Okay, so are we walking in on a concerned and angry Una? Yeah, she's just going to be sitting in the middle of the floor, like in front of the front door, just like staring. Okay, yeah, so yeah. As soon as Phee goes in through the front door and locks eyes with Una, he's just going to go, "Ah, shit." And just go, "Hey, you're right. You're up late." Where the fuck have you been? Like, she's going to kind of look at Phee, but like, her eyes are going to like swing over straight to Bree and kind of like stare daggers.

I went out to gather information. Somebody, and he's going to look at Bree, followed me. Bree is going to give a look to Phee like, "You rat fuck!" Just for half a second, just like, just that snitches get stitches look. And instead of trying to defend herself to Phee, she's going to kind of look to Una. Everyone was settling in for the night, and I saw Phee slip out. I didn't know why, but I had a hunch he was going after Marcus. So I followed him. And was just going to like sit and stare like anything else. Like not saying anything, just kind of like that look that people give you when like they know you're not telling the whole story.

I thought he could use some help, and we ended up getting into a fight. And then she's going to kind of look to Phee like, "You want to tag in here? Like you want to..." Yeah, Phee's going to look at Bree as in like, kind of like, "I'm not saying anything that's not my place." But then he's going to look over at Una and say, "We managed to escape. We had to kill a few guards, but we've escaped safely." "We also found some people who want to join our cause." And he's going to motion to the two that followed. Una's going to like look, like not even recognize that there are like two people, including a person made of leaves, like coming to the door.

She'll just like stand up really slowly because she's still kind of fucked up from resurrection and just start walking slowly, partly due to exhaustion, partly due to like just rage. Slowly walk up to Bree. I'm giving you a chance here to save yourself, Jason. Can Ironhide kind of wave everybody out of the room? Like leave these two alone? Kind of like show the new people around, like, "Here's our library where we carve on the chairs and stuff." Sup? Sup? Just head nod. This is where the cool kids hang out. So Bree is still holding this fucking sword, like she doesn't really know what to do with it.

She doesn't have a scabbard for it or anything, so she's just going to kind of awkwardly bend down and just like put it on the floor and it's going to kind of give this clangy rattle. And she's going to stand back up and Oona can be fairly imposing, considering she's larger than Bree and appears to be made of pure rage at the moment. Yeah, Oona's going to get like all up in her face. Not in like that kind of like weird bobby motion that people make when they're about to fight. Just like completely still, but like inches away. I know you're upset, but I didn't...

I honestly thought we could handle whatever was out there. I didn't have time to go get everyone else and I didn't know why he was slipping out. I thought he was chasing down Marcus and I was right. That's what he was trying to do. I was just trying to help. Okay, let me make something abundantly clear to you, because apparently you can't see past the fucking nose on your face. You have killed Fi once before. We brought him back to life. Liara is your mother figure, and I'm a friend who swore to protect you. We smuggled you across miles through checkpoints.

We fought the Angel of Death for the power to bring you back. We risked all of our lives. And then I risked my life again to actually wrestle your soul back. That's kind of a lot of effort to put in for somebody who turns out not to give a shit. If you want to throw your life around like you just did, running out and getting in fights not fucking 10 hours after you were resurrected, you can go ahead and fucking do that. I promised a long time ago I wouldn't let any harm come to you. By resurrecting you, I consider that promise fulfilled. And then we were just going to turn on our heel and just march out of the room.

Fi, do me a favor and roll a perception check. 24. It is going to look like someone stabbed Brianna in just right in the gut. And she's going to stand there for a second. And her eyes are kind of cast down at the ground. And then she's going to kind of look up at Una and start following her. And she's she's going to kind of shout after Una. Oh, God. Oh, Jason, I warned you. Una's going to do that thing with like slow turn. Just like, "The fuck did you say?" Not say that, but just like that kind of turn that people do. The crazy eyes. And just like stare like directly into her eyes.

Like, oh, God. You're dead. Yeah, we'll see. You're right. You all risked your life to save me. And I told you, I can't I can't find the words to repay you. But if I let Fi slip out and didn't try to help him. What was the point in bringing me back? What if something would have happened to him and I could have I could have done something to stop that? Una's just going to be like shaking with rage, like shaking. And she's just going to like not not even get close to Bree. Just stay where she is. Still kind of like half turned around. Do you think that's brave?

Do you think that's courageous? Do you think that you're being you're being any sort of brave by doing that? Because let me let you in on a tiny little fucking secret. Bravery and stupidity can be very fucking close. And that was fucking stupid. I can't even respect you for trying to be brave because that was so fucking dumb and thoughtless. Don't say another fucking word to me because I will stop using my words. And she's like complete her turn around and just stare at Bree, like waiting for her to leave the room. Bree is going to narrow her eyes at Una.

Blood. OK, sorry. Is is that why you think I did what I did to be courageous? I'm not like you. I don't I don't care about being brave and courageous. I thought a friend of mine was in trouble and I wanted to help him. And if you can't get that to your thick fucking skull, I really don't think I have to explain myself beyond that. I'm sorry I put myself in danger. And I'm I'm I'm more than sorry you put yourself in danger to save me. But I didn't ask you to. I'm appreciative. Don't get me wrong, but I didn't ask you to. I didn't get a choice. And like I said, if something were to happen to fee and I could have stopped that and didn't, then my life's not worth living anyway.

Una is just going to like raise her eyebrows, like, did you really just fucking say that to me? Oh, fuck. I'm going to have to do this and I don't want to just I just want to I just want to let everyone know that I don't want to do this. She's going to just stride up to Brie and I tried to avoid this, Jason. I just I tried to avoid this and you pushed. I have to. I have to. I have to play her the way I have to. I can't. And unfortunately, that means I have to play Una like like I would play Una. So I know. I know. Fuck. OK. Well, this is about to get nasty. It's going to get so bad.

I don't want to do this. I just got to call the cops on a domestic fucking. Let's put Una on the board. I don't I don't want to be a woman here. I'm no woman beater, but. Did successfully leave the room with Ironhide, by the way, or was that just I would imagine, yes. We want to adjourn to something slightly less fucking horrible. I'm not sure. Maybe there's some brandy in a room somewhere. Yeah. So, OK, let's do this. Let's get away from that scene for a few seconds. Oh, God. I hate that they're on the board now that that's that's probably going to be a thing again.

Yeah, but this time is going to be way different. Yeah. Geez. What are you really going to how courageous is that really going to punch her in the mouth? I just found out that you have no powers and no way to defend yourself. So I'm going to beat you up. She didn't know that. Oh, she doesn't. Oh, she didn't. Oh, oh, she's going to hit her with a fucking hammer. So you're dealing with an Una who's not going to hold back thinking she can hold her own. One of you guys, one of the two new ones, just stick your heads out and explain what's up real quick. B.G. Dubs.

You lost your powers. I think you'll be a tree in here. And make like a tree and leave. Oh, no. Oh, no. You're going to be upset by all the books, by the way. So Ironhide led Ironhead, Ironhide led Kaluna and Merrick into another room. Where where where exactly is he leading them? Just any fucking where anywhere random. Just pick a room and we're there. OK, well, how about we go into the library, considering that's where the only other people would be of Liara, I guess, would be asleep. So like, let's let's say that let's say that Ironhide led Merrick and Kaluna into the library with Jadsey and Vowles.

They come in and we're just necking like teenagers. Just carving up a book. Nothing. We're doing everything. Ironhide is going to walk in, just explain like things are about to get really nasty out there with Una and Bree. Apparently Bree snuck off with Fee to scope out the mayor's house. And right. This is the mayor's house. That's yeah. Let me ask you a question. Did Fee leave with. Yeah, that's that's what I was trying to say. But I was on mute and Fee would have gone to leave and just kind of hung out behind the door to listen to hear Bree admitted to Una that she had no powers.

So he would be waiting behind the door to to listen into the conversation. OK, so. OK, back to Ironhide. Explaining that the situation with Fee and Bree leaving while we were burying the body of Jeffrey. Jeffrey burying his body. Apparently they snuck out and they were scoping out the mayor's house where most of the I guess the leadership of the the Overwatch were or where they believe they were. So they just came back from that. And Una is super pissed at not so much Fee, but a lot on Bree. I guess you would probably look up from her book at that. And can she see Fee?

Like, is he behind a door or is he like, well, hanging out in the door or this? This would be the thing where you're you're in the next room. So this I mean, these rooms are big. Right. So you could you could definitely see Fee, but he'd be kind of across the this little expanse. Like this is a pretty big library. That is a pretty big living room area. So, yeah, he'd be behind the door, but just kind of. Yeah. Can can I make a cell throw to not be seen by? Sure. Oh, well, to not be seen by who? Well, yeah, yeah. To be like hiding behind the door. OK, good. 27.

I take it back. You don't see Fee. I stand corrected. You do not see Fee. So no. OK, I guess the first question she asked was like, are they OK? Are they alive? To Einheit? Because she can't see Fee. I guess like when when I left the room, they both were alive. Are you talking about Fee and Bree? Yes. They looked OK in my eyes, but like I don't know if Bree's still alive now. Go ahead and everyone roll perception, please. We're going to get a smack, aren't we? Including me? Yes, especially you. Twenty three. All right. In sight? No. What? Perception, sorry. Perception.

Because I was good at that. It was a really super long pause. Like, no, no. I was just like, why? Oh, you meant history. OK. Got that Arcana check, you ordered boss. Let's see here. Jadzia, Marek, Kat and Kaluna are all going to hear that kind of argumentative murmuring you hear when someone's arguing in the next room. That kind of like you can hear like you can hear that they're upset, you can hear that they're talking back and forth, you could hear that it's tense, but you can't quite make out what they're saying, except for Fee, who is standing right on the other end of the door.

So he will be able to make out every word of this. I hate it when mom and dad fight. Who's dad? You are. You are. We just talked about beating a woman. Yeah, it was close enough to be a man. Yenward though, she was. She has short hair. She's beautiful. I don't know. Like she's described as like really pretty. I know. It's just this running gag like that that Yenward wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a man and a woman because they're human. Right. You just see he's like, "Oh, knuckle tats." Yeah, it's like, "Oh, knuckle tats." Duncan didn't have an excuse.

No. Yeah, he was trapped on his head off a bridge. Nice. All right. So you'd all be able to hear that there's something going on, except for Einhard. I got to study with you guys. It's a test. Valis is also kind of looking through this book and the entire time he's ignoring you largely and then kind of listening like he can hear there's yelling in the next room. And he just kind of like looks up from his book and then like looks over to Jadzia like, "What do you want to do about this? Do you want me to go break this up? What?" She's going to try to shake her head like, "Let them deal with it.

If we hear someone throw a punch, we'll go and help out." Who are these two? Oh, they're new. Because there's a tree here. By the way, can I roll to see if I know what she is or do we just roll? Please do. Roll a nature check. Nature. 22. Yes, you'd know what a wild one is. But you'd also know that they're pretty damn rare and they're almost never seen outside the forest. Do they have good blood? No, I'm just kidding. They have sap action. OK. All right. So where did they come from? I guess they followed Fi home. I don't I don't really know who they are. Like a stray cat.

Are you saying that Fi brought home strays? So what is that? Did he promise to take care of them? Where's Jason's character will play again? Handled by my son. Jasper or Jason? Is he like human? Yeah, well, your character. Is he human? Yeah, no, he's a human. He's a human cleric. He just kind of short and stocky. He has a big mustache. OK, I'm just going to say this human and a tree followed him home. Marek's going to sort of respectfully sort of push his way forward a little bit and kind of awkwardly maybe start to bow, but then starts to extend his hand. And it just kind of gives up on all of it and just says, I'm sorry, I haven't had I haven't had friends for a while.

Forgive my lack of social graces. I'm Marek Epplerud. I'm a cleric from the fire isles. I've I've been on the continent for for quite some time wandering. And this is the first time I've been around this many people in quite some time. So he starts composing himself a little bit, tries to clean himself up a little bit and look a little bit dignified. And he points at Kaluna and says, my plant friend hasn't really made friends before at all. So so here we are. Kaluna is going to be just death glaring at Ironhide this entire time. And without looking away from him, she's going to be like, we are called Kaluna.

I do a history check on the fire isles. I am the tree. 21. 21. Just getting that gift, just so everyone knows. I was just going to go get that shit. You actually did. You actually did like 20 minutes ago or something. Somebody did. I posted an end, but that was going to get that. 21. The fire isles are kind of the Australia. Oh, there you go. Why doesn't he have an accent? Well, oh, mate. It's it's like like it's like it's it's pretty much an island full of criminals, except these criminals are it's kind of self-imposed exile where they've they've run out of places to run on the mainland.

They have run out of friends. They've so what they've done is they they kind of built a community of thieves and traitors and murderers out on the fire isles. And there's a there's a fairly decent section of the of that that whole little island dedicated to to pirates and smugglers and just the worst of the worst. There are tons of there to get to the island. You have to get past a shitload of shipwrecked boats and it's kind of an obstacle course. However, the fire isles aren't completely made up of of the worst of the worst. There are people who live there in relative peace and prosperity.

It can be a fairly religious place in certain sections. Oh, wow. But it's mostly it's a good portion of it is thieves and traitors. It's criminal sex. It's criminal sex vote. Yep. All right. So he's going to explain. Isn't that the place where they put all the thieves and criminals? Isn't that isn't that where the elks came to? Well, they've escaped there and a couple of generations at least. So some of us aren't criminals. Some of us try to harbor safety from them. I'm watching you. I thought you were going somewhere with that. And I was just just trying to get some exposition out of the way.

Just want to see what they're about. No, that's a good point. So, yeah, no, I yes, I'm from the fire isles. I I'm sure my parents were criminals. I was raised by clerics and I am a cleric myself, of course. And the fire isles are dangerous and the fire isles are filled with pirates and smugglers and criminals. And we make sure that there are places around for people to to find safety. And that was a long time ago, though. I left long, long ago. That's good. What about you? One with all the leaves on you? Kaluna is going to growl at him a little bit, just sort of animalistic instinct.

And then she's going to sort of catch herself and stop. And she'll say, we're from what you call the Silverglade. Why all the we talk? She's going to look a little confused. Why don't you use we? Because I'm only one person. And she's just going to kind of like scoff like war forged. I'm going to punch you. I'll set you up. There's a fight in this room. Awesome. Set all the books on fire and throw it at her. OK, I'm confused because you're both inanimate objects and you're fighting and I don't understand why. It's a tree versus a toaster. Let's go fight. At this point, Valis is going to kind of look up, annoyed, just kind of listening.

I'm trying to read. Is that hard for you? Do you say that to him? Yes, because he's going to have a conversation with these people and he's just speaking. You did come into the library. It's the only other place I know. Valis just kind of give this growl at Ironhide and just kind of narrow his eyes at him. And he's going to try to go back to what he was reading, just kind of like it's like reading here. Just where I leave off. I will once again reiterate, Valis is not retarded. Sorry. So so can Merrick Merrick say something, do something here? Sure. So he's going to sort of realize again, he doesn't have any social graces.

And it's very clear that he's awkward just even being around people and trying to figure out how to read them. But he speaks up and he just says, listen, we've barged in. We've made our own way in having that fee. And now we're standing in your house, in your library. We we we have no love for the Overwatch, simply put. I haven't had friends. The plant hasn't made friends, but we do know right from wrong. And it looks like all of you do, too. So thank you for letting us in your house. Kaluna is going to be is going to pout at being called a plant. I love that this is a huge house with tons of rooms.

And that's the we've only been here in sight that the maze outside where dead people flock. They don't really flock. They flop. No. It's a good one. All right. Let's do this. OK. Is you ready? Oh, God. Here we go. As I'll ever be, I guess. No. All right. Let's do this. We're just going to hear a Chris slap. Then we had to run out there because it's a special episode. And blood's going to pour through the wall. Well, the only thing is, Brie might have half a shot because Una's weakened. I don't know. Half a shot. Because her armor is like twenty eight, isn't it? Unless fucking Una uses her hammer.

Yeah. Why wouldn't she? She's not. I don't. She's actually not wearing her armor and she's not carrying. OK, OK. OK. Well, then she has half a shot to at least defend herself. You're too weak, bitches. I wouldn't even look cool. Just be stupid. Yeah, it would be the last fight from from post. Oh, no, don't do that. The postman that final say it's like this big build up to like two guys tugging on each other's hair. What are you fuckers doing? Stop it. You're embarrassing yourself. All right, Una. OK. After hearing that, just like just heartbreaking little bit of stupidity from Brie.

Una is going to like just like storm up to her, just not like stomping, just like instantly in her face and do that like thing that people do right before they're about to punch someone. Mm hmm. And she's like going to bring her fists up so that they're like right underneath Brie's chin and just like stare at her shaking. And then she's going to drop her fist and think, fuck it. Clearly, there's some gratitude in you. But you don't give enough of a shit about anyone who helped you come back to life. You're too wrapped up in your stupid little and just kind of like she's going to like look away like she's so fucking disgusted.

She doesn't even want to like make eye contact with Brie. And she's going to kind of turn away like I can't even know if you're worth it. So we've decided to hit her emotionally. Let's see. Checkmate. Not until we have to go to another scene so that I can think that's the. OK, I can say if you're. She's she's so OK. Did Una walk away or is she she's still in the room? She just turned away. She's just turned away. Why does it piss you off that much? I mean, I'd get it if I just wandered off or abandoned you. But again, I I was trying to help someone in your group.

One of the people who you just said, risk their lives to save me. Don't tell me you wouldn't have done exactly the same thing. Oh, God. OK. And it's going to spin around like trigger word like just like spin and glare straight at Brie. You say I didn't do the same thing. I gave up my strength. One of the most important things to me, something that my God reveres, something that I have been given to defend my loved ones. I gave that up so that you could come back to life. And then I found out that a man I have wanted to kill for so long was right there. I could have helped.

I could have killed him. But because I knew I was too weak, I refrained like a fucking coward. But I did it because I wouldn't have been able to. It would have been stupid. Did it take a roomful of people to convince you of that? Don't tell me you're any different. If there was no one in the room at the time, you would have went marching off after him. I've watched you do that countless times. No matter what the odds were, no matter what. That's your first move. Punch first, ask questions later, right? I'm asking questions right now. So obviously, no. You're saying you want to hit me?

And she's gonna take, she's gonna just get right nose to nose with Una. If that's what you want to do to get this out of your system, go ahead. Ah, shit. She's even gonna kind of lean her face in just ever so slightly. Una's just gonna like stare at her like, "You are the most stupid fucking creature I have ever met." And then she's going to say, "You are the most stupid fucking creature I have ever met." And then she's going to grab her and give her a big fuck off kiss. This is gonna shock your shit at a break. Keep it classy, Jason. I always do, man.

This is not the direction she thought this was going in. So at first she's gonna, like when you lean in, she's thinking you're gonna headbutt her or something, like something vicious and awful. So she almost reflexively jerks. And then after a second or two of this kiss, she's gonna kind of put her hands on the side of Una's head and kiss her back. Woo! Okay, cool. Scene? Uh... I feel like that doesn't need any... No. Let's keep this... No curtains are billowing just yet, guys. No, no. But no one's been punched in the face, so that's a win, I think. That's the best fucking kiss.

DIE! You're gonna punch her in the face with my lips. Because I like you. Fucker. [Laughter] Okay, so is Fee still listening to him? Yeah. Ugh. Creep. Why are they eating macaroni all of a sudden? [Laughter] Where'd they get noodles? I don't know. Fee was expecting to hear, like, this connect with face, and then to, like, run in there and it's just like... Someone fall over a coffee table? I'm just gonna hear the impact any second now. [Laughter] Um... I think listeners are gonna like that. So, alright, so what would be Fee's reaction to that? Like, after, like...

So, listening to this... It's like, this build and build and build, and then it's like, well that took a turn. Put a let down. Let's see first fight. We find out that's something about Fee's character, he's like, God, I wanted to see some violence. He just killed, like, five men. Still not satisfied. He wanted to see domestic violence, that's what he wanted to see. Um, yeah, Fee would, after, like, a few seconds of, like, okay, there's been no impact. So, okay. He's gonna peer around the door slightly, and upon seeing that he's just gonna be like, okay! And just, like, go back to...

And it's like, well, I can't go that way because of, uh, yes. And I don't really want to move away from here. Because if I move that way, it's just like, well, hang on, how fucking long does it take you to get from there to here? And it's just like, um... You're just stuck. Yes, I'm just gonna stay here and hope the thing happens. So you're just forced to listen to this next room? Perception check to see if I saw... Fee peeks around the door. Yeah, do me a favor, uh, firstly, uh... Fee, do a stealth check when you peer your head out. 24. 24. Is that... My passive perception is 24.

Mmm. So that'll beat your passive perception. Oh, dammit. Uh, breezes... That'll beat her passive perception too. So they don't notice that. Although they are distracted, so... That would kinda make sense. So Fee's just kind of stuck in limbo. He's stuck in between the two rooms. He can't leave and he can't, like, staying is weird and awkward. Um... Everyone else. Everyone else in this room. So Phallus and Jadsey are kind of preparing for this... This blood magic thing. Like, they're getting ready for this ritual. Feels like we're kind of interrupting this. [laughter] Just come in there and start arguing, like...

Top of our fucking voice. Us telling you that you were doing that? Fat out saying, you know... Okay, so we should leave, right? I'm saying this outside of character, I think we should leave so you guys can get all your shit in order or no? If he leaves, will I get a higher check on the thing later? Huh? Uh, it'll definitely hurt your check if he stays. Okay, fuck out. Alright kids, let's go. Take the tree with you. Go. It's a houseplant, alright? It has a name. We're all just fucking away from this shit. The ficus. The ficus. Alright, I'll just lead him to a random place.

Be careful. It's Darmok's house. Just... be careful. Alright. Whose house? Go upstairs. Whose house? Pick a random room, Jason. I kind of imagined the board from Clue a little bit. That's exactly how I picture it. How weird. Yeah, that's weird. It's a dining room. Well it's got squares and everything so it's kind of gridded. I mean there's a kitchen area you could go to or you can go upstairs and just go to... Like you guys all kind of have rooms. Like there's enough space for you each to have a room so... You could just go to... I mean you could show them to a bunk or you can show...

I mean yeah. However you want to do it. Alright, yeah just show them to their place that they're going to be sleeping at I guess. Okay. With... With them gone, it's Valus and Jadzi in this room. And after they leave he's kind of getting this light sigh after they're finally gone. And then kind of look over to Jadzi and... He's kind of awkward about it. Like you could tell he's kind of worried about this. How's it going? Jadzi is just kind of shrugged. How is it going? Can I roll to see how much I know so far? Please do. Roll an Arcana check. 31. Very nice. Well, what you know so far about this ritual is that you've actually found the pages that give you great detail about how this is going to be performed.

You know what ingredients you need. And you're pretty sure everything you need is in the house. Something else you would know... Is that this is... everything you need is kind of scattered throughout the books and journals that Darmok left behind. And Valus has been looking into this too. And while the ritual you're going to perform will allow you to transfer a soul into a new body, it has to be performed to the letter. Any screw up will result in bad things happening. Like? It's not incredibly specific. But everything you're reading about it is just "oh don't screw up." It almost glazes over that.

It's like "oh we won't be screwing up so don't worry about that. Just don't do that." So it specifically says that there can't be a soul in the body. I mean I have to kill the body, take the soul, then Una has to resurrect the body but not the soul. How do I take the soul out? I don't know. What I mean is that in Ironhide's unique case, you will have to murder him. Murder Ironhide. Cool. Got it. Right. Something I'm sure listeners have wanted to do in some capacity. Maybe inserting greatness? In the last two years. So that will... you're going to have to kill him.

Notable kill? Cool. Alright. Technically that is a notable kill. I gotta make that list up. And then take his soul and you're going to need a new body to put the soul in. The thing is, the body you're putting the soul in has to already be dead. Okay. There can't be a soul in it. That's what I'm saying. It has to be an empty vessel. And then does that mean that I'm technically also resurrecting that body? Or am I going to need someone else there to resurrect it? No no no. It doesn't really work like that. It's... that kind of is part of the ritual. Okay. Cool. When the soul is put in there that... yeah.

You're technically... it's not technically resurrection. It's like a new occupant moving in. Essentially. And he will be living and breathing and everything like that. The other thing you would have learned from that is that the condition the body was when you do this is the condition that it'll come back in. Okay. So if you cut the body up into little pieces and try to... it'll be a bunch of little pieces that you're bringing back. So you might want to be careful about how you do it. Like I'll start hopping around. It'll be really gross. Yeah. So I mean when he comes back... let's say you cave his skull in.

Like that bit will be fixed. Like it's kind of like when you heal somebody but there's a scar. If there's a... like there's a scar on Bree's belly now. Because there was a hole there. So that's basically the same type of thing. Like there will be some physical damage but it'll be functional and fine. Alright. So, um... Jodzia's just gonna kind of nod knowing all that information. Be like, "It's not certain yet but I think I can do it." It sounds like they may have caused some trouble outside. We may have to do this sooner than you expected. I was already expecting them doing it too soon.

I can do it. I'm just gonna kind of nod and like put the book down. Um... Valus is gonna kind of lean over from his chair. And just kind of put a hand on Jadzia's shoulder. Is there anything that I can say that can talk you out of this? I have to do this. Um... Valus is just kind of gonna... Just give this deep sigh and just kind of give a look like, "Oh, okay. I'm trying here." Jodzia's gonna lean forward onto the desk and start rubbing her temples. Because she's been up for like two or three days studying at this point. I don't know how long it's actually been.

How long has it been? Um... let's see. Uh... technically you've only had a full day of uh... yeah. And a night. Yeah. Yeah. So this... yeah. Not look at the Skype. I know. Don't look at the Skype. Don't look at the void. I'm just gonna make it go away. Okay. Um... so she's just gonna lean forward and kind of rub that area. Which is what I'm doing now in real life, by the way. And... shake her head. I have to learn this quickly. It's not just for Ironhide. It's important that I learn this now. And she looks like really pale. And she's gonna kind of shrug. Like... awkwardly.

Because they're both really fucking awkward. You caught on to that yet? Viewers at home? Um... Valis is just gonna kind of stare at her for a few seconds and when she kind of... She's kind of silent, what do you mean it's not just for Ironhide? And she's gonna let the silence linger for a while longer. Because it's almost like she doesn't want to answer, but she knows she has to. And she's going to say, "When Darmok... when I came to Darmok's home, I was completely illiterate. My mother was a whore and I hadn't learned anything. And I was weak and sickly.

I had no way of fighting back. I tried to learn magic as best as I could, but it took so long just to learn to read. And I assumed once I could do that, I could learn his spells, but it didn't work that way. They still meant nothing to me, even once I could understand them. One night when Darmok was locked alone in his study doing some sort of spell, I think he accidentally summoned something. And she's gonna wrap her arms around herself. She doesn't really want to continue, but she knows she has to tell the full story. It looked human, but it wasn't. And I could tell immediately.

And it showed me pictures in my head of my family. And it told me I could find my way back to them. And it could give me the power to get away. So I agreed. I'm just gonna kind of meet his eyes for a second and then look down like she's completely embarrassed. I didn't have any other choice. I was desperate. And it worked. It touched my head and the magic came. I was able to teleport and slice his neck, set the place on fire and run away. That's not how demon deals work. I didn't get to go home because they were already dead when he made the deal with me. And now when I die, I know where I'm going and I have to get my soul back.

We don't have a very good track record in this group. I could be next. And if Uuna can't bring me back, it was my mistake. And she's gonna trail off after that and not be able to say anything anymore. Valus is gonna stand up and kind of motion over to Jadzia and bend down on one knee, which would still not quite put him at eye level. I promise I'll do everything in my power to get your soul back. I won't let anything happen to you during this ritual. And he's gonna put his hand under Jadzia's chin. And almost kind of like just try to like gently guide her face towards his.

Just like just like just kind of a look at me type of thing. You're going to get through this. You're going to put the warforged in a new body. And everything's going to be fine. And then he's gonna lean in and kiss Jadzia on the forehead. So fucking cute. Jadzia is just going to nod and she's gonna let him kiss her on the forehead. But then she's gonna pull away a little bit and tilt her head up and kiss him on the lips back. And then she's just like it's very quick. It's not like a big kiss or anything. And then she's gonna whisper thank you. Perception check for you, please.

OK. He's fucking lying. He hates her goddamn guts. I don't know. 16. OK. You're going to catch like the faintest glimmer of shock come over his face. And then it's just going to kind of go away and he's just kind of kind of linger there for a few seconds. Like he doesn't like he doesn't know what to do now. Like he's like, OK, I'm I don't know where I'm going. Like he's like he's kind of lost. And after after a few seconds, he's just kind of kind of stand up and go back to his chair and then pick up the book he was reading again and start reading. Jadzia is going to kind of lean like look over at him and like, can I roll an insight check?

Like she's kind of like really paying attention. Sure. Well, she sucks. She has a plus 10. I know she's weirded out, too. Yeah. Like both of them are like, OK, I've got to get that chicken on so that we can like just both of them. Yeah. So there's I I would take that to mean that there's kind of a weird vibe in the room now, like both of them, like both of them obviously care for each other. But they they're so terrible at expressing any emotion, apparently that they like he's just going to it's not that he's ignoring her. It's just that he's just kind of kind of gives a grumble and goes back to his book.

Like he's just he wants to make sure that nothing happens to it. And if he if he reads enough, he can kind of see what what's coming or something. That's how he's handling this. He can't hit anything. So this is like I guess I'll fucking read that. I don't know. Like I got nothing else. It's like violence, but different. Right. Read the shit out of these words. OK, so she's just going to kind of curl up and pick up her book herself like, oh, God, I don't know what to do either. Fuck. Why did I do that shit? Start reading to. OK, this is like the first time to jump in and ruin this fucking adorable atmosphere.

That's two in a row. Holy shit, that never happens. Our shit was cute. OK, OK. No, that was not cute. That was not cute. I was angry and it was sexy. There was no cute. OK, OK. I will not have any cute. This is not happening. Colina finds a fern or something like that. It's like, oh, where have you been? Where have you been all my life? I was like touching my face the whole time, squeezing my head. It was too cute. It was too fucking cute. It hurt. I was I was very close to just vomiting, like unmuting myself, just making vomiting noises. It was great. See, it doesn't have to all be bleak.

That was not like cheery. That was not that did not make me happy. That's not the thing I was talking about. But you're weird. That's the thing. That's the thing. That's the thing. No, that wasn't the thing. Throwing up fucking candy. I just said that wasn't the thing. OK, I don't know. I got frustrated. Yeah. One of these days, John's is going to say something happy about her past. I swear to fucking God, it fucking happened to be like, oh, yeah. And one time I had ice cream. Yeah, I was going to say that. I was going to say both. That's weird. I could go for a bowl of ice cream right now.

That would be so good. I've had ice cream. I've meant brownie. Oh, no, I don't. I finished it yesterday. Oh, God. It's it's in my freezer. Everybody suck my dick. It's not a game you can win. You know, I don't have it's it's all fucking. We don't. Oh, you don't have tasty cake. Oh, that's the fucking same thing as like hostess fucking cupcakes. OK, it isn't the same. It's a little different. Well, you don't have custard. It's fucking ice cream. No, it isn't fucking ice cream. It's better than ice cream. It's literally homemade ice cream. No, it isn't. When I make homemade ice cream, I make custard and I free.

No, no, you are not. No, that's. You're not going to get it. You don't understand. You don't get it. You don't fucking understand your your fucking West Coast or you don't get it. I did. I had it. It wasn't that good. You know. No, that is not what you said. Fucking good. It was really good. OK. It was not better than like gelato. Your gelato. I worked at Cold Stone Creamery, guys. That shit is bawling. Oh, that shit is. Fuck. You mix cotton candy and Oreo cookie cream together with a brownie in it. It'll make your head explode. It's so good. Oreo. It's the best. What? Cream with brownie?

Yep. With a brownie. You don't mash up the brownie too much. You don't want it in there too bad. Like you want the chewy texture. Yeah. For the texture. And it's cotton candy and Oreo. Creamy Oreo filling. Sounds gross. It is way better than you'd ever think. Like children kept doing it. And I was like, why are these children mixing these two flavors together? Like I get that it's bright blue and Oreo, but you need to stop. And then I tried it. Kids are fucking smart sometimes. It is so good. I love, by the way, that Fi is trapped. He picked the exact wrong moment to hide in the exact right spot to spot these two couples finally having their first kisses.

That's kind of awesome. Brian didn't even see it coming though. Like, like you didn't know. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, okay, well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna listen to Bree and Una. Okay. See if Una, see if Bree admits that she has no powers. Okay. This is turning south. All right. Well, when somebody punches, I'll run in there and make sure everyone's okay. Oh shit. So, okay. That's happening. It's like, okay, well, okay. That's, that's trying to distract myself looking at something. Oh, fuck. Oh, and then you watched, then you watched, um, Kaluna, Merrick and Ironhide go upstairs to a bedroom.

What is going on? You're very loud. We're going to make plants. The plot is his contribution. Go make some sap. Sap everywhere. I thought that was their blood. Wait, they're doing it wrong. I don't know. I don't know. Pollen, I guess, then? Pollen's treaches. Everyone's just sneezing all the time. Ironhide, like, coughs and a bunch of acorns come out of his mouth. Listen up, people writing fanfics. Come on. We're giving you gold. I love how it's pollen, but Ironhide is the male figure. Well, we ready here? Um, sure. Let's, let's, let's kind of catch up with Bree and Una.

Yeah, Bree and Una. I know exactly how to handle this. There's a minimum amount of cuteness. It's fine. It's gonna be fine. Get punched in the face. You dirty whore. Just go crazy. Let me do this so you like that. OK, whenever the kiss is, whatever, whenever it's done, whenever the timer goes off, Una's just gonna like, kind of like, lean back a little bit and go, good talks. OK. And just beeline for the door that Fi is hiding behind. Um, Bree is just kind of standing there with this expression like, what the fuck was that? Like, just kind of like, just like, she's happy that it happened, but felt like there should have been a talk after that.

Like, just like, OK, well, that's OK. Cards on the table. Fi, roll a stealth check. OK. 31. OK. Una does not notice Fi as she walks from the living room area into the library. And she doesn't hear his heart beating through his chest. Fuck, fuck. Am I going to wander in on this, like this, this obvious, like kind of sexual tension kind of thing? Um, roll a perception check. Let's see how perceptive Una is to the situation here. 18. So not incredibly. Like, you're gonna, like Una would walk in and just kind of, again, this is the second time you walked in on Jadzi and Valis, and the second time it's like, alright, something's up.

But like, you didn't quite, it's not like they were really touching each other. They weren't doing anything. They're just kind of sitting here next to this fire. So while you didn't physically catch them doing it, there is a vibe. Like, just the vague, it's like, huh. Like, that's it. Like, that's all you're getting. Okay. Um, Una's gonna kind of like look at Jadzi and kind of like raise her eyebrow, just like, eh? Um, uh, and then just go, where's Fi? Where are those new people? Wait, fair is fair. I want to insight check her and see if I know. There's just saliva all over one side of my face.

Your makeup is all smeared up. Uh, roll a perception check. Perception. 18. [Laughter] Hey, Jeter, I only have a plus 5. You have a plus 14. Same thing, the exact same thing. Una's gonna go on a walk into the room. She looks kind of flustered, but like, it's like, okay, the last you heard, they were getting ready to fist fight each other or something. Then you didn't hear anything. So you just kind of assumed, okay, maybe they worked it out. Then Una's walking into the room, like, hi guys. Like, just like, just like, right. It's like, what, what, what? Like, just like, kind of standoffish about it.

It's like, so again, weird vibe, but you didn't see anything, so. [Laughter] God, we're all like 12. We need to stop. [Laughter] Um, okay, so, um, I suppose Judzia's first reaction would be like, is Brianna okay? Yup. [Laughter] No, no, I took care of her. [Laughter] She's fine. [Laughter] Peanut. God, it's kind of... Um, okay, I guess she'd just shug and go back to reading her book, 'cause I don't want to die. Una's gonna repeat the question, like, so, so where's Fi? Where are those new people? The tree? The, the mustache? Um, I don't know. Ironhide took him up to a room somewhere.

Um, okay. He is. Can I look around and see if maybe, like, I can, I can see him, or, or evidence of him? Uh, you can roll a perception check, but it's gonna have to be pretty high, 'cause his stealth check was pretty high. Like a 31? Caught ya, fucker. Exactly right. [Laughter] God damn. Oh yeah. So, looking around the room... [Laughter] Just cowering behind the door. [Laughter] Una is going to notice a stock still Fi. [Laughter] You're gonna see just barely, like, he's hiding behind the door, just like, like, it's that thing of, like, his eyes wide, just like, like, flat against his, like, like he's just looking, and she's like, "Hmm." Like, like, like, he's desperately hoping it's one of those things where she's just kind of panning around the room and doesn't, like, like, kind of the scene in E.T. where E.T.'s hiding in with the stuffed animals and you don't see, like, he's just, he's like, "Ugh." But there's nothing for him to really hide against once you're in the room and can look, like, at the thin crack where the door's wide, like, it would be wide open and against the wall, but you could see down, you could see down behind it if you wanted to.

And, uh, Una does spot Fi behind this door. She's, like, her eyes are just gonna widen, like, "What the fuck?" Fi is, is, fucking not, not, not gonna be moving anyway, he's just kind of like, "Shit, shit, shit, I'm so dead." Um, Una's gonna, like, turn away so that, uh, Valis and Jed, or Jedzia can't, like, see what she's doing and, like, put a finger up to her lips and just, like, glare. Fi's gonna nod. Um, and then she's gonna walk out of the room, um, and try and go find the, the new kids. Okay, when, um, when she noticed Fi, does that mean that he moved and I noticed Fi as well?

Or do I have to roll my own perception check? Um, unless, unless Una says anything, Jedzia wouldn't, wouldn't think anything of it. Okay, so I wouldn't roll perception check 'cause I'm not looking. Not even. Yeah, not even. It's not even a thing where you, unless she audibly says anything, like, Fi didn't move, Una didn't say anything, so it's just kind of, like, "Good day?" And then just, like, "What? I see you moving over there." I'll murder you if you say anything. Bye. Right. I like that Fi knows so much about his fellow party members now, I can't say anything. 'Cause there's a person in each one of those groups who would murder him viciously.

No, I think there's two people in both groups. Well, I mean, yeah, probably. Um, alright, so upstairs, you got, uh, you got Merrick and Kaluna and Ironhide. Um, before Una gets there, is there anything they were talking about? Is there anything that they were discussing? How terrible Warforged are. Yeah. Yeah, Merrick will sort of, uh, try to calm things down a little bit, but he explains that Kaluna, um, has a problem with the Warforged. It has a lot to do with the raising of her kind and of the forests, and not to take it personally. Well, what does that have to do with me?

I'm not the one that made the Warforged, so why does she have a problem with me? She'll, um, again, this whole time she has not taken her eyes off Ironhide, and she's just going to sort of squint even harder. And she'll say, "You are a Warforged." Sort of like, "Are you stupid?" Right, but I didn't create the Warforged, so... And she's going to kind of cock her head, like, "How stupid can you get?" And she'll, she'll do her best to explain very slowly. "You are a Warforged. The Warforged destroyed the Evergreen." You know there's a beacon that is telling them to do that.

They actually have no mind to their own at this point. They're being told by humans to do that. And she's going to perk up like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck?" And she'll sort of, and so then she's going to sort of less aggressively, um, to sort of ask her clarification, like, "What do you mean?" Alright, so, Uminyura, they made a bunch of Warforged. They told them what to do, and they did what they were supposed to do, but they weren't completely obedient. So the Overwatch people made a beacon to control the Warforged. Completely. They're still in there, but they have no way of controlling their own actions.

She's going to just sort of sit there and process this, and then, and then she'll sort of finally look away from him, and kind of look around the room, just sort of like, "This place is nice." That was an awkward one we just did. Kaluna, he's right. It's not, it's not that the Warforged are responsible for anything any more than, than anyone else. It's the Overwatch, and we've known that. She'll, um, she'll look back at Ironhide and say, "We will reserve judgment. For now. But I've got my eye on you, Armor." Speaking of eyes on you, you don't look well.

I've met Warforged before and seen them, and something's not right. No, I'm dying. I'll be dead in a few days. Uh, there was just, uh, look at Kaluna. Sorry, go ahead. Um, there was a spell released at the Battle of Winterhaven where it destroyed not only the Overwatch Warforge, but it also destroyed my people. The people that went there and defended on their own behalf. Like, they didn't, they weren't told to, they were asked to by me. So that's it. You're, you're just going to die. Pretty much, yeah. I'm not going to tell them about the whole transferring souls because I don't know really what side they're on.

Fair. I would say about this time, Una would be showing up. Don't hit me. Uh, sure, yeah. Um, can I, like, tell which room they're in, or am I going room to room, like, knocking like that? Guys? Guys? Like, what? I can imagine you knew we were upstairs somewhere from the 500 pound metal just walking and walking. Right, okay. Um, she'll just kind of, like, tap on the door, um, and, like, stick her head around it. Hello? Kaluna will, um, immediately turn to where she sees Una and she'll just brighten up immediately and just say hi. They're cute. Merrick stands up and tries to do something, something that seems like you would do to be very gracious to someone.

He doesn't know quite how to do it. He's a bit awkward about it. But he introduces himself. I'm Merrick Ethelred. And he kind of does a half bow and kind of wonders if that's the right thing to do. Um, Una will, like, walk up to Merrick and offer her hand, um, to shake. And he shakes it as well. She'll say, "I'm Una. Sorry about earlier." And then she'll turn to, um, Luna and, uh, "Do trees shake hands?" I mean, like, I don't know, but she'll offer her hand as well. Uh, Kaluna will sort of grab it weird. Sort of like, you know, some people, they kind of, like, they grab it from above or something.

Like, they don't know what they're doing. And she'll sort of shake it awkwardly, try and mimic what Merrick did. She'll just grab your thumb. And she'll, um, she'll kind of glance over at Merrick like, "Huh? Am I doing this right?" Merrick just nods. And she'll introduce herself. "We're called Kaluna." So, why are you two here? I'm assuming it has something to do with joining the Ravens. It's, uh, the Ravens. Anything that we can do to be against the Overwatch we want to do. We've been watching, uh, things develop. We've been watching troops roll in. We've been watching, uh, in many different places.

We've been watching all of you for the last couple of days. And it's clear, just like we feel, um, you know right from wrong. And we want to be part of that. By the looks of you, and he sort of motions just sort of up and down at Una. 'Cause she's still kind of beaten up, right? I mean, she hasn't, this hasn't been too long after she's been sort of taken through the ringer. Taken through the ringer. There's you. We watched Fi almost get close to death. You've got a tank of a tiefling downstairs. You need healing. You need healers. You're right, we fucking do.

I've been doing all the healing, and that's not really my strong suit. It's good to have you. Um, I hope it's not too personal to ask, but what exactly is your beef with the Overwatch? I mean, whatever it is, I'm glad you hate them just as much as I do. But how exactly do they fuck you is what I'm asking. Uh, Kaluna will immediately sort of step in, and she'll, she'll uh, she'll say in fanciful words, um, my, er, our people sensed the death of many, many trees. And many spirits were lost. And many, many of us went to investigate, and they never came back.

We, when we left, we learned that it was the Overwatch. And as for me, I, I met Kaluna just weeks ago, and she's been my only friend, and my first friend for, I'd say well over a decade. For me, I, nobody's fucked me over. Overwatch hasn't done anything to me. But uh, Kaluna sort of opened my eyes. I frankly have been in a little bit of a haze for a long time, sort of sucked up inside myself. It made sense to me, and it made me remember what is right, and what is wrong, and so I'm here because of her. Kaluna will throw her arm around, uh, Maric, and sort of just give a big grin, like, "Yeah, that's my buddy." He grimaces, he grimaces, but he puts his arm around her as well.

Disgusting. French. I'm just gonna grin, um, and just kind of like relax a little bit. Well, um, you said you've been watching us for a couple days, I'm not gonna say that's not weird, but uh, I'm not sure if you know what you walked into. Uh, we just, we just kind of fought the Angel of Death, we brought back the one that I was yelling at earlier, um, and right now we're, we're gonna do some blood magic stuff soon to save, uh, Sir Iron, I mean, um, Ironhide's life. Uh, so, shit's kind of fucked up. Maric just blinks his eyes a lot as you're saying all of that, and, and just says, "Have we, have we come at a bad time?" We can leave.

Um, we can come back later. Yeah, um, it, it, it's, it's clear that there's a lot going on, um, but we do want to help, and if we can help and you'll have us, then, uh, then we're yours. Um, Una's gonna spread her arms, like, a little bit, and just kind of like, like as she's, as she's motioning to, like, everything, um, and just say, "This is Theria, it's always a bad time." But, it's good to have friends. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Um, so I'll get some sleep, and then tomorrow morning, uh, shit is gonna hit the windmill. Uh, Maric's gonna, Maric's, Maric's gonna ask if there's a, uh, if there's a kitchen or something he can raid in the middle of the night, uh, 'cause he hasn't eaten a whole lot, uh, lately.

To be honest, you might wanna be careful in the kitchen. Um, this house used to belong to, oh, God, um, Jesus. This requires a lot of explaining. Just say a bad man. This, this house used to belong to, to Jadzia's, uh, ex-husband. Um, we killed him. Um, it was the right thing to do, trust me. But, there may be bodies in unexpected places. Um, so just, yeah, look out for that. Um, if you find anything of interest that's not a body, let us know, though. This house has secrets. Luna's gonna sort of lean over to Maric and just sort of whisper, "What's a husband?" I'll explain later.

Um, he, he just keeps blinking a lot as you keep saying things like, um, that you killed someone and their bodies. But he's taking it all in stride, and he just sort of waves away, "Fine, fine, not a problem. We'll, we'll, uh, we'll worry about it later." So, you guys are gonna get some rest, right? Oh, yeah. Alright. Okay, so Liara's already, Liara slept through this whole thing. Oh, good. 'Cause, I mean, it's been a while since she's gotten any sleep, and she figured everyone was bedding down for the night, so there's- And everything happened. Right.

That's been a while since she would've slept, yeah, slept in a bed and all that stuff. Um, so I would imagine, okay, Thales and Jadzia are gonna be in the library, I guess, all night? Just kind of- Fucking? Sorry. [Laughter] You paused at the right time. I mean, like, what was I supposed to do? Yeah, it was good. Um, okay. It was already night, so let's say a few hours later at dawn. Um, there's gonna be this kind of wrapping on the front door, like someone is really hammering at this front door. Uh, go ahead everyone and roll a perception check. 22. Did I just roll a crit miss?

No. 18. No, I rolled a 31? Good lord. Shit, yeah. Six. I roll a crit miss. [Laughter] Two crit misses, though. I heard nothing. Impressive. [Laughter] Um, let's see. Una and Kaluna will be the only ones to hear this door, uh, from where they are. The only ones to hear this door kind of being just pounded on. Yeah, I guess we'll run downstairs and, yeah, open the door. Um, walking past the couch in the living room, um, you're gonna see Bree kind of completely conked out. Why the fuck didn't she sleep in a bed? What's wrong with her? Um, she, uh, she's also gonna be snoring loudly.

Ew, gross. [Laughter] Uh, and this, the knocking did not wake her up. So, at the, at the front door, uh, when you open that, uh, Craig is gonna be standing there from the temple. And he, he's looking around nervously. 'Cause it's broad daylight outside. But it's early enough that the streets aren't packed with anyone yet. And with him is this bound half-orc, uh, this bound half-orc man with a sack over its head. Uh, and he's gonna kind of nod to Una. Una? Is this our coward? Yes, we're gonna need to talk. I would appreciate it if I could come in, it's...

Yeah, yeah, of course. Just open the door, like, shove him in. Um, and he's gonna kind of push this guy forward. Um, and then once he's inside, he's gonna go ahead and take out this club and slam this guy over the back of his fucking head. I love followers of court. And this dude is going to tumble to the ground ragdoll, just like, like he's leaping at the ground. Can't get to it quick enough. Like an old-timey Irish cop. [Laughter] Who's coming right after me? Alright. Now, I don't want to know why you need him, but it was a little difficult getting him.

So you're not gonna get another. His name is Nyark. He's a tremendous piece of shit. No one's gonna miss him, so whatever you need to do, do it. Excellent. Thank you. I'm, I, we, hopefully we won't need another one, my god. But, I appreciate it. Things have been, uh, difficult lately. Um, do you want to know what we're gonna do with him? I would, I would rather be honest so it doesn't seem like I'm doing something shady. [Sigh] I'll admit I'm kind of curious. Okay, you remember the Warforged that we came with? Yes. All of those recently dropped dead. Um, some weird kind of disease that eats them away slowly.

Um, somebody released it, actually, actually, I might as well tell you. Malchus Grimness. I'm sure that name rings a fucking bell. I've heard of him. The girl on the couch snoring. And he's gonna kind of peer around Oona, just, uh-huh. He basically gathered the army that is currently attacking the Overwatch, or being attacked by the Overwatch, basically for her, then abandoned the battlefield, and killed all the Warforged using some sort of mystical disease, before booking it and, and vanishing. I see. So clearly he's a piece of shit. But he's the reason that, that we need New York.

Because Ironhide is dying. And he has, first, unfinished business, and second, he's not really someone we can afford to lose. [Sigh] Alright. So the plan is to do what with New York here? Um, New York has a nice body, I'll give him that. But he probably doesn't need his soul. So, we're going to kill him, and put Ironhide's soul into New York's body. Uh... Uh-huh. Yeah. This isn't a coincidence that this was Darmok's old house. We...had to come to Estrahold anyway. Turns out the fucker has a lot of books about blood magic. You understand how dangerous that is.

Yeah. That's, uh... I trust Judsia. She's smart. She is the smartest person in our party. I should probably tell you what's going on outside. What's going on outside? Well, the Overwatch rolled into town yesterday, as you know. Uh, as far as I know it's some diplomatic mission with the mayor. But... There was an attack last night, and they're rounding up people for questioning in town. Oh, fuck. It's nothing major, I... No, that's... You remember how I worked for the Overwatch for a while? Yes. I did some questioning. For them. Uh... During my time there. Fuck. This...

This would be more the Estherhold...the Estherhold Guard, I... The Overwatch don't really have any jurisdiction here. This is more of a show of good faith from the city. Is Marcus still alive? I would have no reason to think he wouldn't be. Fuck. That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. You see this piece of shit down here, and he's gonna kind of kick Njork in the ribs. He beat his grandmother to death with a table leg. That's creative, I'll give him that. There are a lot of people like that in the dungeon right now. Have you given any thought to maybe...

Settling down? What? Helping us out with our crime problem here in Estherhold. Oh. Um... Look, if you can promise me... I don't know, diplomatic immunity... When I kill Marcus, which I will kill him... Then I would be more than happy to help straighten out things here. But that man needs to die. That's the number one priority after we save Ironhide. Craig's gonna kind of nod his head. I was talking it over with the people at the temple. We don't want them here any more than you do. I think we could arrange something. Fantastic. I'm just gonna clap him on the shoulder like, "Yes, this is so what she wants!" Let's...

Let's get together soon and we'll go over a plan, but... For now... And he kind of looks down at Njork. Do whatever needs to be done. I'll be at the temple when you want to talk. Sounds good. Thank you, again. This is, uh... And he's gonna look down at the passed out fork. And just grin and say, "Helpful." He's gonna kind of nod, "Good luck." And he's gonna go ahead and take his leave. Okay... I'm gonna pick up the half-orc's body. Or at least drag it. Um... To, like, somewhere where there's a surface to put on a table or something like that. Okay, so that would be...

There's this long coffee table next to where Bree's sleeping. Okay, yeah, I'll just pick it up and slam it down the coffee table. [Laughter] [Sigh] So Bree's gonna, like, immediately stop snoring, shoot up out of the... Like, into a sitting position. Just kind of, like, just... Completely frightened. And then, um, just kind of wide-eyed panic looking around the room. And then she's gonna see the body of a half-orc, like, lying on the coffee table. And she's gonna kind of, like, reflexively, "What the fuck?" "There you go, ladies and gentlemen." [Laughter] Uh...

And then she's gonna kind of look around and... And see Yuna. And she's gonna, like, take one of those, like, "Oh, God." Like, just kind of, like, wipe her face. [Laughter] "What?" [Laughter] So Bree's gonna kind of look down and... "What the hell is that?" Um... We're just gonna grin, "Ironhide's new body!" And then she's gonna, like, just turn around and go find Ironhide. Um, Bree's gonna kind of... Bree's gonna stand up and follow Yuna out of the room. Uh, and... She's... So, I guess we're doing this ritual really soon, huh? Seems like it. Jadson's been studying for days straight now.

So shit's probably gonna go down soon. And we have to make preparations, whatever the hell those might be. Do you... Do you think she's ready for it? Of course she's ready for it. Is she not ready for it? What are you saying? I'm not... I'm not saying anything. It's just... I don't know much about blood mages. I just... I just know the whole thing's really dangerous. She's never done it before. I mean, it just... I kind of wish she had more time. Dude, I saw... We saw... We witnessed Jadzia take down a fucking dragon with her magic. She's got this shit. And she's gonna kind of think back to that...

Yeah, alright. I'm... I'm sure it'll work out just fine. Yeah. Okay, yeah. Like, it was like... Like, kind of like... Why would anyone think it's not? Is it not? What's wrong? Like, what the fuck? Like... Wait, why would this go wrong? Like, I assumed this was just gonna be great, 'cause it's Jadzia. Um... Now she's all like weirded out. Yeah, it's like, why would you know? Um... But she's gonna like pound on Ironhide's door. Is this kind of... Okay, so this is more like, it's time. That kind of thing. Well, okay, let me ask you a question. Is everyone ready for this?

Yep. I am. Yep, I am. Bree... Dude, Bree, you're gonna knock this out of the fucking box. I'm good. Fuck. Bye. I got an easy job. I just gotta lie there while you go to work. I imagine it like that episode of Futurama where like, the professor's doing something, he's like doing a sex change on Bender, and he's just like... Just be glad it's not Valus trying to cut off your arm. Search for fucking precision. One time. It happened one time. I'm not gonna let it go. You mutilate someone one time. One time. It's supposed to be a hand, you got an arm. Alright. Okay, before this happens, I wanna get Una alone for a second.

You need to talk to her. Yeah. Alright. Bree's gonna go ahead and look for Liara. Alright. Don't you snitch, bitch. Whatever they do, however they choose to kill me, just make sure it's not the head. Not the face. Not the face. I respect your right to keep your moneymaker gorgeous, Ironhide, but... Just after they hit me in the chest or whatever, however they kill me, just make sure you can get the head afterwards. Alright? Is there something in your head that you need? I just have... I have plans for it. Alright? Uh, sure. Yeah, I can do that. Alright, thanks. Cool.

No problem. I'm just gonna raise an eyebrow and go find Jadzia. Alright. Fi will get... Fi took a rest, so Fi, go ahead and get all your stuff back. Una's at half health and that's the most she can have for the next two days. Just a reminder. Yep, I remember that. I'm weakened. Okay. Alright. Jadzia and Valus. So you guys are still sitting in this library? Can you imagine eventually, Valus would have passed out eventually, like just kind of snoozing in this chair? I think she'd... I mean, eventually she would have to sleep. Like, it would be stupid to stay up all night before this big thing.

Right. Just imagine that it's like the perfect amount of sleep plus research that gets me the highest check. That exact amount. Oh, that exact amount. Well played. What if she has bloodroot in her? To cram all night for the day? No, no, no. Like Adderall. Yeah. No, like right now. Call the blood so it'll help. What if she does like bloodroot right now? Would she be like a plus 12 on top of her arcana check? Why would that help her arcana check? Because she would be like... That's stupid shit. Yeah, that's it. It always, like nothing but good things happen when Draconis does it, so.

Yeah, just like all ideas you have while doing cocaine are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Mm-hmm. Guys, guys, guys, let's cheat on the stock market, guys. Yeah, we can do it. I can't believe no one's thought of this before. You're a fucking genius, man. Okay. Can I wake Jadzi up by bringing her like rolls and tea or something? Fucking rolls. Roll for rolls. I feel like she needs some rolls, you know? I feel like she needs a hearty breakfast before she goes and performs blood magic. Hey there, how's my star blood mage doing? We're gonna do good today, come on.

First day of blood magic. First day of blood magic. Sacrifice? Come on. Where's your first day of blood magic robe? First day of blood magic robes. Time for your first kill. Get a picture with the corpse. Honey, hold up your ceremonial dagger in your shot, I can't see it. How are we gonna kill the guy? That happens, up to you. However the blood magic says we have to kill him. Yeah, that. Oh, it just says you need a dead body. I would like to have like a length of rope and just strangle him. Sex him to death. That could take a while, but... Any volunteers? So, okay.

You're just gonna kill Nyark? You're just gonna like strangle him to death? Wait till Jadzia tells us what to do, you know? Well yeah, I wanna wait. Maybe we're supposed to spill out all his blood, maybe we're not, maybe we're supposed to drink it, maybe, you know, if it's congealing in the body and we need like fresh ass blood, you know, you're gonna fuck us up. You're supposed to lick the blood off of him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's how Dormak does it. It's pretty cool. You have to stab someone through the hand, and then... I do think I have to do it.

Do I have to kill him to get his soul? You don't have to kill... no. You have to kill Ironheart. First you gotta catch me. Just like, "Ready or not, take off my..." Keep any hell music. Just imagine you'd tickle him with like a steel brush. Like one of those barbecue cleaning things. Scraping the rust off of him as you kill him. So, have at it guys. I don't care how he does. Okay, just grab a length of rope and just start strangling him, I guess. I mean, he's already unconscious. You're not gonna... Is anyone watching this? I'm gonna let this fucker on the table.

Just, you know, just start strangling him. So, okay, he was on this coffee table, and Ironheart's gonna go ahead and wrap this length of rope around his neck and just start pulling, I guess? Oh yeah. Go ahead and roll an athletics check for me. I'm pretty athletic. Wait, we should probably maybe ask him if he wants some last words or something. No. Dark. This fucking snore from Thundercats. I don't know about this lion. It's a little beach school. Athletics? Mm-hmm. Well, does a 14 do it for you? Oh god. Well, it's a plus three rod of choking a bitch. It was magic rope.

So Ironheart's gonna wrap this... good lord. Ironheart's gonna wrap this rope around Njork's neck and just start, like, pulling and tugging. And Njork's gonna start struggling, like, kicking his feet against this table. Just trying anything. Like, just... his arms are bound behind him and just... Um, can I stop Ironheart? Honey, honey, honey. That is up to you. Okay, so we're gonna be like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Oh, what are you doing? Are you gonna stop or are you gonna keep going when I do that? Can I get one more roll in? Oh god, please no. I'm thinking about getting one more roll in.

Please don't. Do it. I hope it's worse. Sixteen. Sixteen! Oh god. So, Una's gonna go, "Hey, stop that." And Ironheart's gonna give just a second of pause, then yank harder on the rope. I said enough when I said he had enough. Njork is going to kick even more violently and break the other end of this coffee table. And he's gonna start to slide forward. Because the coffee table's gonna angle away from Ironheart now. Ironheart is going to continue to pull. And after a second or two, Njork's just gonna go limp and just dangle from the end of this rope as Ironheart's choking him still.

Okay, can I just slap the rope out of his hand? Sure. This is not kosher, guys. Do I have to roll for that? Yeah, do me a favor and roll an athletics check to get the rope away from him. It's less like I'm desperately trying to get the rope away and just be like, "Okay, let go, fucker." Let's knock that off. Uh, fourteen. Fourteen. That is less than convincing. That is, physically, like that is... I'm not trying to be violent. Right, no. It's like, "Let go! Let go!" Stop it. Is Ironheart gonna let go? It's up to... So fucked up. Can I check for a pulse? No, I can't feel anything.

I'm just gonna roll again. Oh god, no, just please. Please. This is so fucked up. Alright, I'll stop, I guess. I'll stop sprinkling the bound orc half-worth. Ironheart is a violent sociopath. Okay. He killed his fucking grandmother. I'm sorry, I'm not feeling very bad for him right now. Uh, I'm just gonna yank the fucking hood off the orc and just kinda like smack his cheek a couple times. See if he comes too. Um, his tongue's hanging out of his head. Ew. And, uh, like his eyes, like, the thing is his eyes... Is he dead? Can I tell if he's dead? Is he dead? Um, it would appear as though he's dead.

Oh, trust me. His eyes aren't closed, they're bulging out of his head. Okay, he's dead. So you yank this hood off and it's like, "Oh!" Like, just like his... His tongue is just... You should have crazy eyes, though. Right. Like, a violent murder just occurred. I really feel... I really feel like this is the time when Merrick would walk down the stairs, like, coming downstairs from being asleep, and kinda notice it's all happening, and then pause for a long time and then just turn back around and go back upstairs. I wanna close his eyes. You realize that you can't actually close someone's eyes right after they die?

You have to wait until Rigor Mortis sets in? So you just pop back open. He's alive! And you have to kinda squeeze the eyeball back into the socket. Poke, poke, poke, poke. So this has created... As you would imagine, this has created a large amount of noise. God damn it. Brie and Liara are going to kind of come down the hallway upstairs and then kind of come down the stairs and see that a violent murder has just taken place. It was defense. He's bound! And yeah, like he can't... He broke the table! He was trying to kill us just like he did with his grandmother.

Liara's going to... Liara's just kind of like, "What the f... What the hell is going on?" (Laughing) Um, she'll look at Ironhide and she'll be like, "Well that was fucking gross!" And just like tug the... tug the hood back on. No one told you to take the hood off. I didn't think you were gonna like slowly choke him to death. I figured we could put a knife through his eye or something. And then he doesn't have an eye. That means I don't have an eye. So as you're having this conversation Liara and Brie are pinballing back and forth. Brie kind of knows what's going on.

Liara has no fucking clue that that's what's happening. Like it just sounds like you're just talking about different ways you can murder this half-orc. Like she has no idea why. So there's this look on her face like, "The fuck is wrong with the two of you?" We're gonna use him for blood magic. It's fine. We went over this. Where's Jadzia? We need to get her this corpse. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where did he come from? Dungeons? [Laughing] You're way prouder than that than you should be. [Laughing] You're late. Not really. So she's just gonna kind of throw her hands up.

I don't even want to know. He's a bastard. It's been not like the kind where your parents weren't married. Like the kind where you beat your grandmother to death with a table leg. The kind where you murdered your friend. Which he actually did. Oh. Oh well, carry on. And she's going to just leave the room. Like she instantly doesn't care about the guy now. Do I have to do like a weight check in order to pick this guy up? Um... no, no, no, no. He's not offering any resistance. There's nothing... he's definitely not offering any resistance. His resisting states are over.

Yeah. All of his states are over. [Laughing] Alright, Bree, you ready? Got us now. Here's how this is going to work. For the ceremony you're going to need... You're going to need one Ironhide soul. Okay. You're going to need one body. That's where Nyark comes in. Nyark. Nyarks. I always pictured the guy from Hot Fuzz saying like, "Nerk." [Laughing] Why did you do that? 'Cause it's funny. Did you know that was going to happen? I did know that was going to happen. I want you to enjoy the space. Just play around with it. Yeah, it's good to have some laughs. Nyark. It's a fun name.

So you're going to need one body. You will be needing some blood from both Nyark and you at one point. But that's just part of the ritual. You'll know about that. Good that we didn't try it now. And you're going to kind of need to be kneeling next to him. Who? Nyark? You. Yes, Nyark. Okay. You won't need Ironhide's butt. He's dumb. Yeah, you won't need that anymore. That'll be what you need for this. So this will be a skill check challenge. Which means you'll need so many successes before so many failures. But because of the haste in which you had to study this, I am not going to tell you how many successes before how many failures.

Fuck. What was the thing that we can do to help make a big bonus? Well, unfortunately, they wouldn't know about it because of the haste in which this had to be performed. Goddamn it, Bree. Can I roll for that? Like, what if I did a really good job? Yeah, yeah. You don't know how well she studied. Come on. I don't know how well. Come on, dude. If I end up rolling low, then you can actually forget everything I already said. No, no, I wouldn't do that. I'll tell you what. Go ahead and roll an Arcana check for me. Can I assist? 29? 29? That's really fucking good. It is.

It's almost like you don't even need to do this. 29? Don't die like that, motherfucker. Come on, just give her the shit. Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. I'll kill you. Dude, she got it so good. I'm okay. I got this. I don't. I'm going to die, but, you know, I got this. It's okay. You'll be all right. I'll be all right. Thea will die. Jatzia would remember reading that the younger the blood coursing through the body, the more potent the spell. Can I ask the orc how old he is? I can, actually, because I have to speak to dead. Okay, cool. Yeah, that'll work.

Well, you can look at him and get a good... He's like a fucking fuckabug. You can kind of look at him and tell, like, that's a question you can answer yourself, really. But the... In other words... We already killed the guy. We can't go find him. Well, in other words, just because that's the blood in his butt doesn't mean that that's the blood you have to use for the spell. You could theoretically, and I'm just tossing this out there, kill a child. Yeah, obviously that's not happening. Just talk to them again. Baby-hearted? Remember the first actual moral quandary I posed to the groups?

I will offer another suggestion. Roll a perception check on Yark, please. He has a cute one. He's pregnant. He's pregnant. See, we're the two youngest, Arkaluna and Jatzia, and we're both 23, so that doesn't help. Okay, perception, you said? Yes, please. Every one or no? 17. Njark looks to be, if you had to take a guess, about 30. Gross. You could, I mean, you could just kind of go down the list who's the youngest people in your party, I guess? I'm the youngest person in the party. You would. Okay, so you're already using your blood. Okay, that's a component. Seluna's the second, and I'm not even sure she has blood.

It's like, they have blood-ish. They have sap. It's kind of a lot to ask, like, hey, I know you just joined yesterday, but can I have all of your blood, please? I looked this up, I was worried about vampires. Oh, you won't need all the blood. How, how young, how, is like, the younger the better? The younger the better. Okay, how old is Kaluna? 23. Okay. She doesn't even have blood. Bria's 25. Yeah, Una's 25. Una would give her fucking blood. Does it count if you're- okay, wait. I need you. Being half-elf. Does that- Oh, it doesn't matter what race. Okay, because, I don't know, because elves age, like, differently or whatever.

She's like three in elven years. So 12 would be, or like, 25 would be pretty fucking young for an elf, but whatever. Exactly. Um, can I just, like, can Ironhide just go outside for a second, just grab up a kid, like, is it school day? What is this? You could. Don't abduct a child. We don't want to take this shit for your fucking child abduction. I got needs. *sniff* Uh... Shit for a fucker. I will say that the... *sigh* I hate to do this. The younger the blood that you're using, the lower the checks that Jadzia will be making during this ritual. Come on, we need the kids.

So Bree got a rest. Yes. Bree? She's 26. She's 25. I'm 23, she's 25. This guy's 30. Technically, it's a little bit better. I bet I'll get, like, one extra point. Well, we should use Kaluna if we can. Can we use Kaluna's fluids? Fluid! *groan* I don't know, sap, tree blood? I don't know what runs through her fucking veins. She has veins? I don't know. She... it's not really blood. She's got roots. In the traditional sense. Would it work? Uh, roll an Arcana check. No. *laughing* Wait, who's rolling? Uh, that would be Jadzia. She would have to... she uses the one I'm studying.

Good. You are getting the sense that that... it's kind of a long shot that would work. Okay, then I'm not gonna fucking do it, 'cause... Okay. Would Jadzia tell everyone in the party? I would imagine this is Jadzia explaining the situation to everyone. Yeah, Una would be like, "Dude, I'm willing to do this. I'm already weakened. I'm gonna be of no use to anybody for the couple days anyway." But if I die, you're the one I need. I won't be dead. I can still bring you back. How much of her blood do I need? Check. Uh, check. Yes, please. Fuck. Everything's a check. 25.

Um, this is a similar situation to what Fi had to go through, so this will drain her a little bit. I mean, this'll weaken an already weakened Una. But, uh, nothing some juice and cookies won't solve for a while. For a few days. Okay, can Ironhide go to the front door and just peer out? And just see what's going on out there? Dude, if you're gonna leave the room, we're gonna be like, "Wait, come back here, dude. This is your thing." I just wanna see what's going on outside. Like, what kind of activity... There are no children playing outside. Come back here.

There are a bunch of children just playing unattended outside. Maybe just one I can offer candy to? Quick, somebody knock me up. Let's go. We'll just make one. Right now. Go. Bree, get on it. Literally. And then the stork came. Um... Is there a Cabbage Patch out back? A Cabbage Patch? There's a dead baby patch? Yes, it's... Oh, god. We don't need dead babies. We just need one baby and just get some blood from it. Go to the orphanage? Or just adopt someone? The orphanage? Does Dharmok anywhere have a jar labeled "baby's blood"? Good point. Good point. We should look for that real quick.

I feel like he's this type who would store blood and he would store it in a proper way that, like, it wouldn't congealing it gross. Like magic. In a magic way. What do you guys wanna do here? Like... I guess we can use... What, Una's the youngest? Una and Bree? I'm the youngest with blood. I think we're ignoring the Bree option. Dude, like, if we set all of this in front of Bree, is Bree gonna be like... I would say... No, she would definitely... Doesn't give a fuck about Ironhide? Fine. Well, I mean, it's not that she doesn't give a fuck about Ironhide. She would definitely...

It would be more a thing where, like, Una's trying to, like... It almost seems like Una would kill herself. Like, if anyone would let her to... It's like, "Ah, fuck it. Use me." Bree would definitely kind of step forward. Nope. She's gonna, like, push her back. She's trying to, like, step forward. This is where the fight comes in. Push her back, grab her boob. Like in anime. Um, she's... Are you seriously pushing her back a bit? Just, like, just kind of, like, gently. Not, like, shoving her back. Just kind of like, "No, no, no. Bad. Fit." That's always worked. Tell her no, and she definitely won't want to do it anymore.

Um, just kind of like, just like... I'm not gonna say anything. Just kind of like... You've already been through enough. Let me... Let me help. You don't need that much blood, right? Okay, look. I'm already in a position of weakness. To do this to anybody else... No. To do this to anybody else would weaken us even further as a group. It's better. Trust me. I can handle this. I was trained to do this kind of shit. And by "do this kind of shit," I mean bleed. No offense, Una. You look terrible right now. It wasn't a problem with my... What? Did Zuna say that? Uh, yeah.

Fuck it. I haven't said one of those "yeah, fuck it"s in a long time. Yeah, that's true. But she's gonna say it with that exact tone. Like, mutter it really, really quickly, and then cough. Um, Bree, in mid-sentence, is just gonna give that look like, "Hey." Like, there's other people, you know... "Look, just step aside. Let me do this." Um, Una's gonna look over at Jadzia and just kinda like, "It's up to you, but I want to help you with this." Okay, so the Arcana check I did, like, I just have to take blood. Like, nothing bad is gonna happen to the person I take blood from, as far as I know, with my 25.

Right. Okay, and then I will kind of motion towards Bree, and I'm like, "She is stronger than you right now. That might help with the spell." I'm not sure if that's a bluff or not. No, that, I mean... It's true, it'll help. Stronger blood, stronger health. Stronger health. They're dead. Um, Una's gonna look really disappointed and, like, hurt. Just like, "I'm fine." Don't be hurt. I need you to bring me back to life. You're not gonna die. You're not going to die. I'm not really gonna die. She doesn't want to take that chance, though. Like, it's like her thing.

Oh, man, this... So scared. Okay. Are we ready to do this? Alright, so first I have to kill Ironhide, right? Yep. You have a shitload of things that would help you in skill checks. She only has two. I got Lucky Charm and Dark One's Own Luck. Okay, well, wait... Oh, and I have Heroic Effort, right? Heroic Effort. That doesn't help with skill checks. It does, right now. Yeah, it does. Does it? I thought that was for... No, it does. I'm 100% positive about this. Okay, then. Okay. I keep forgetting. There's one thing it doesn't, and I thought it did. No, it's a skill check.

So I remember using it in derp. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, Tommy used it to heal me. I think. Okay. Or something. I think. It was used for a skill check. Fuck you. Get out. It doesn't. I mean, I'm the one who doesn't want to die, but it doesn't say that. I don't want to get yelled at later. You're cheating. Doesn't it just say a roll? It says Attack or Saving Throw. Oh. Saving Throw is what it did, not a skill check. That's what it was. God damn it, Brady. Alright, so you have two things. I have two things. Um... Okay, so I have to kill him first. Let's kill Ironheart.

How do I...? Stab him in the chest, not the head. Well, this will be a thing where... So he's letting you do it, so this will be a coup de grace. Here's what we're going to do. Valus is going to walk over to Jadzia and kind of take out his big fucking massive sword and kind of motion for Jadzia to take it. Okay, so she'll go and she'll kind of grab it, but it's clearly too big for her and she doesn't really know how to use it. Um, Valus is going to step around behind Jadzia and kind of wrap his arms around her from the back. Sorry. [Laughter] What is this fucking ghost moment? [Laughter] Harp.

Oh, you gotta teach me how to play pool. [Laughter] Merrick averts his eyes. Just say that. This is dirty. Oona's going to like fake throwing up in her mouth a little bit. And Valus is going to kind of wrap his hands around Jadzia's and help her pick up the sword and place it to Ironheart's chest. Can I say something real quick before all this happens? Before he kills me? Sure. He's going to look right at Valus and say, "Don't fuck this up, devil." [Laughter] All right. Don't piss everybody off on that. Just one of those things to like, "Don't fuck this up, all right?" But he's going to say- I guess you call him a devil.

Well, I mean, he knew what he was doing. I can just change my mind after we stab you. Right. So the thing, okay, here's the thing. Valus already doesn't like you because Jadzia is putting her life on the line to save you and they don't even know you. So Jadzia is the one gripping the sword, technically. Valus is going to place his palm against the hilt of the sword and almost bum rush this blade into Ironhide and take Jadzia with it. And the sword is going to go right through Ironhide's chest. And after a second, Ironhide's just going to cease to be and drop to the ground with the sword still in his chest.

Oh shit, I wasn't wearing the hat. Fuck. [Laughter] I would imagine you want to take Ironhide's soul. I will do that, yes. Technically, that is a notable kill. [Singing] Jadzia has technically killed Jarek Ironhide. [Snaps] Valus is going to walk around to Ironhide, place his boot on his chest and yank the sword out from his body. Oona's going to look at him like, "Oh, really?" And Valus is just going to go, "Ugh," and just put the sword back in its scabbard. I guess we're ready to start this ritual then. Ugh. I wish you the best of luck. I wonder if you say that you sound like a cunt.

Just let me know. I wish you the best of luck. I didn't laugh. I'm being absolutely sincere. I do wish you the best of luck. I believe you. It's been such a sweet episode. Why do you have to ruin it? Come on. Alright. That's why we can't have nice things. I know. That's why I make it darker because of you. You're doing this to the group. I just want everyone to... Jadzia is going to kneel next to the body of Niark. I'm going to squeeze that in one more time. Niark! [Laughter] Ironhide, can you just take that name? I'm going to take that as my surname and my first name.

Niark! I'm Niark Niark. Slayer of grandmothers. Jarek Niark. Jarek. Jare-n-yark. Niark! [Laughter] So... Serial. Serial time. Super serial. Get ready. And whenever you're ready I want you to start rolling Arcana checks. And I'm going to tell you whether they pass or fail. Brie is going to kneel down next to you. Just a little bit of a space away. Thales is going to stand right behind you and kind of kneel to one knee and place his hands on Jadzia's shoulders. I'm going to walk over there in case people need healing. And drive Merrick with her. Okay, so it's just a straight up Arcana check and the check is lower because of the stuff we did?

Uh, you have done... yes, the check will be a little lower. Alright. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to add one of Kat's nails. Okay. First one. Twenty-four. Jadzia is going to go ahead and drag the ceremonial dagger out. And she is going to give herself the smallest cut on her hand. And she has this bowl that she is kind of bleeding into. And the second she does it, Thales is just going to flinch a bit. You can feel his hands kind of tightening up on your shoulders. That is a success. Go ahead and roll another Arcana check. Amazing. Fuck! Sixteen. I can re-roll it.

I'm going to re-roll it. I'm going to do it immediately. Okay. Couldn't you just pop that lucky charm so you could get a plus six? Plus one D6. Would I rather re-roll now or use that one D6 which might only add one? I think I should save that for when I just barely miss it. So I'm just going to re-roll. Alright. Dark one is on luck. Thirty. I'm fine. Gorgeous. Oh, I should mention. Each time you get a success the check goes up a little higher. Oh, I should mention. I'm a gigantic asshole. This isn't news. Okay, so now all I have is my lucky charm. Yes. That's a one D6.

Awesome. Okay. Um, the Jadzia completes the second portion of this ritual flawlessly. And feels confident enough to move on. She's going to motion for Bree's hand. Go ahead and give me another check please. Fuck! Sixteen again. Do you? I'll just take it. I'm done. Okay. I'm going to need to take a few. I'd rather not with the lucky charm. Um, Jadzia is going to say a few words as part of this ritual, but they're not quite right. Erupting from the ground are going to be what? They appear to be bloody fishhooks connected to chain. Now normally they would hook into Jadzia's shoulders and start to try and drag her down.

Instead they're going to hook into Valus's hands. And pull his hands off of your shoulders. Um, go ahead and make another check. Does he get an athletics check to try to pull them out or something? Can it take his place? Um, it's a little late for that. These appear to have come from nowhere. Just below Jadzia. So I can't shove him out of the way and take his place? They're hooked into his skin. Can I stand on his fucking head? Rip him out? Um... I don't want him to get dragged to where... He's not getting drunk anywhere yet. Okay. If I'm standing next to Bree, I'll put my hand on her shoulder.

Or not Bree, Jadzia. Wrong person. It's complicated. Same name. Fuck you. I'm messing with your names. Call me Bree Spur from now on. Go ahead and roll another check. 28. You are going to cut into Bree's hand. And she's gonna kind of flinch as you drag the blade across her palm. And you are going to drain some blood into this bowl. And you perform this portion of the ceremony flawlessly. Go ahead and roll another check for me. 26. Jadzia is going to speak a few more words. And this time it appears as though she remembered the correct phrase. Go ahead and roll another check for me. 28.

Jadzia is going to continue this chant. As she cuts into the body of New York. And pours the blood over the open wound. And you can see this glow begin to get this purplish kind of glow start to emanate from the half-orc's body. And you can also see one of the jewels in Jadzia's crown start to glow. Go ahead and roll another check for me. It's the right soul, right? He is the one you want, right? It's the Ironhide soul. It's the Ironhide soul, right? We can tell which one she just filled with the soul, right? Yeah, you can. Is it the right one? Roll perception for me, please.

Yeah, Una, can you please? Yeah, I got this. I fucking... you ass. 28. It does appear to be the right... It was the dragon! You're such a fucking dick. Okay, I'm gonna lean over and whisper like, "You got this!" to her. So she knows. 19. I didn't know. You distracted me. Dark One's on Luck. Una's whispering into Jadzia's ear seems to have distracted her momentarily because she forgets mid-phrase what she's saying. I think the check is too high that Dark One's on Luck, even if I got a 6, I don't think it would help. But you already used Dark One's on Luck. No, I meant Lucky Charm.

Sorry. Lucky Charm, yeah. And that's a 1d6. Even if I added a 6 it would only be 25. I don't think that would pass at this point. Shit. More hooks are going to erupt from the ground, but instead of sinking themselves into Una's hands, they are gravitating towards Valus, who already had the original hooks in him. Fuck! Oh, chill. I'm gonna go help Valus. Go get him. Dig him out of his hand. There are now several hundred hooks scattered all over Valus's chest, back, arms, and hands. And they are now desperately pulling at him. Guys, guys, go. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna go help him take the hooks out and start hearing it.

Everyone, go. I'll help too. *laughter* Um, so are you... okay, you're trying to remove these hooks from him? Um, they're connected by chains, right? They are, yeah, they're these... Okay, so I can't cut the chains, so I'll start removing them. What does it look like the chains are made out of? Metal, or is it some form of... It's kind of like a black hellish iron covered in blood. These are barbed fishhooks. Okay, you know how to get out barbed fishhooks? I do, actually. It's fucked up, but that's what I'm doing. Okay. If nobody knows how to do that, you have to cut where the flesh, like where it goes through, so you basically pull the hook out, like just straight, instead of easing it back through the hole.

It's fucked up and it hurts like a bitch, but... Yeah, so imagine that hundreds of times all over it, like these are... yeah, these aren't... *mumbling* Um, so... That probably hurts. Valis sounds like he's in a tremendous amount of pain. Go ahead and roll another check for me, please. If I stop now, I'll probably just get drunk anyway, so I'm just gonna keep going. 28. Gorgeous. No? Mm-hmm. Did I pass? The jewel in Jadzia's Crown that contains Ironhide's soul is going to glow brilliantly, and you are going to watch the soul slip from Jadzia's Crown into the half-orc's body. *mumbling* And after a few seconds, the body is going to jerk to life, and the hooks and chains that are in Valis are going to just kind of disintegrate, disappear.

Oh my god. But all the wounds that were given to him are... they're still there, so he is going to require some kind of healing. So he's probably going to be pre-naked. He has a paladin and healer next to him. Right, yeah. He has the best possible situation for this. So congratulations, Jadzia. *laughing* Yeehaw! That was so stressful. I fucking love you, Bree. *laughing* Oh man, this is so fucking cool. Oh my god. I really didn't think I was going to make you do that. Can I fill you in on a secret? What? Fuck. It was six successes before three failures. You were on your last success and failure.

Oh my god. I just almost threw up. *laughing* I heard that. Well, there we go. *sigh* Okay. Good, okay. Is that the cliffhanger we're going to leave it on, or are we going to go a little bit? Let's go a little more. Let's go a little bit more. Everyone okay with going just a little further? No, I'm kind of bored. *laughing* Look, miss leaving for two weeks. It's, uh, shit. Okay, okay. *sigh* Ironhide has a new body. Valus is in a tremendous amount of pain. Jadzia is probably stressed to fuck. How would you guys like to deal with this situation here? I imagine all the healers are just walking to Valus.

Yeah, exactly. We're scrambling to heal. Jadzia is running over there too. She doesn't heal, but she's just like, "Fuck." Well, this would be just a situation where Jadzia just turns around. Like, he was hovering right behind you, yeah. And she's just going to like, kind of, I don't know, where are the injuries? Like, all over? All over. She can't even touch him without, like, causing him pain. Well, it's everywhere but his face, I guess. There we go, grab his face. Just mush it around, yay. *laughter* You're a good kid. She's just going to kind of start, like, incoherently apologizing.

Because she had no idea that was going to happen. Apparently his arcana is better than hers somehow. I don't know. Well, that's part of why he was reading. He was reading more about consequences, whereas you're reading how to perform the spell. He knew that was going to happen. He didn't tell me because he's a cunt. He was played by Jason. Yep. I'm going to run over to Ironhide's new body and, like, help him up. He's still bound. Just like, holy shit, how do you feel, like, cutting the ropes and shit, you know? Just going to stretch out the limbs and just see how they work.

Like, there's no, because, I mean, I expertly strangled the body, there's no lasting scars or anything like that, right? Yeah, there is. Like what? Like the fucking rope. You wrapped a rope around his neck and jerked it back until he could no longer breathe and he died. Like, that's going to leave a laceration. Well, at least he has a giant scar on the chest or something like that by standing in the eyeball. Alright, just stretching out the old limbs and just seeing exactly, like, what does the body look like? Is it lean and muscular or what? This dude was pretty jacked.

He's a pretty in-shape half-orc. It is something to note that this would be the first time that Ironhide has drawn breath, the first time that he feels his own muscles, the first time he, I mean, like, everything about the "human condition", being a person, like, that is the first time Ironhide would be experiencing all of this. He's just turning blue. It's like, no, no, open your lungs, you gotta do that thing. Just open his mouth like a fish. Is that what you do? I'm dying. Anyone else remember that Futurama "What If" machine episode? Yes! This is when I kept going back to farting.

I bet you have to be so bad. [laughter] Just fart. This is amazing! I'm exhausted. Okay, what's going on with Valus right now, that Ironhide seeing? Well, he's gonna, he's gonna get heals, so that, like, that'll stop all the bleeding and all that. Still, like, that was a lot of pain, like, a lot of pain. Okay, not being there for the last few seconds, like, he's gonna ask, he's gonna ask just the room, like, what happened to, what happened to Valus? I kinda point down and say, like, what happened to him? Crazy blood magic shit? He's fine. He's alright, he's just milking it.

Is he getting heals right now? Yes, yeah, that would be a thing, obviously. Then I just sit there and watch him bleed. I'm sure once the heals happen, like, the pain basically abates. It's, yeah, it's one of those things where it's... It hurts, probably, but it's not, it's like sore rather than... Oh my god. Yeah, so he'll keep the scars and everything, but like, they're, yeah, but, yeah, he'll, he'll be fine. I'm also gonna wanna say, like, to the room, thank you for helping me and making sure that... And he's gonna mostly look at Jatze at this and, like, thank you for making sure I just didn't die like how Malkus wanted it.

And he's gonna look back at Una and say, did you save the head? I'm gonna gesture down toward the body, which is a pretty pristine, besides the giant gaping hole in the chest. Alright, I'm just gonna rip that sucker off. Just put, like, my foot right on his chest and just, like, keep yanking it. 'Cause I don't think there's, like, a button where, like, it's a crashed chest dummy where you just press it and it's like, pull. Nope. That's the worst design feature? Yeah, it's the exhaust port on the Death Star. Just don't shoot there, alright? And we'll be cool.

The big red emblem on the chest. Don't touch that. Valis is just, like, he's kinda on all fours and everything and he's trying to get his shit together. And he's gonna kind of reach out to Jatze and just kind of, like, put his left hand on her shoulder and just really happy to see that she's okay. And just kind of, like, lean his forehead against hers. I think she'd just start, like, kind of like a half-laugh. You know that laugh when people, like, get in a car accident and they're not dead? Yes. That laugh? I know you know. I bet you know. So she does that and she just, like, puts her forehead against his and...

I wasn't driving. But yeah, that's just what I figured. I'm just gonna throw up. Just boom, burn the floor. That's canon. She did throw up. Give you a fucking dinner roll, let her go. As soon as Kaluna and Merrick sort of get Valis healed up, Kaluna's going to look fucking terrified. And she's going to kind of, like, you can tell she's trying to decide, like, do I stay and make sure he's okay? Or do I get the fuck away from Jatze? I almost want Jatze to look up and go, "Boo!" "Raaah!" Well, I would imagine the rest of the day would be a day of rest. Kind of, like, let Ironhide kind of get used to his body a little.

Let Valis recuperate, let Jatze kind of, like, de-stress a bit. She hasn't really slept properly in days. I would go see fucking Craig. What's his name? Go see Craig? I would. Alright, so everyone else... I'll take people with me. I'm just like fucking up. Right, I'm asking. Who wants to go with Una to go see Craig? This is before we all sleep, right? This is the morning. Well, yeah, this would be... like, that's what I'm asking. How are you spending the day? Oh, oh, we're spending the day and then we sleep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we can go see Craig. Alright. I basically ask people, like, does anyone want to go into town?

Like, Ironhide, do you want to try out your new body? Do you call you Ironhide? Since I'm Jarek, that's fine right now. Right now, out of character. Him walking around with sword on his back and leather, like, with him armed, going inside here seeing Craig. Is that a good idea? I'm sure it's good. Fine. I explained to Craig what would happen. Yeah, it's like, "Holy shit, he got loose!" Una explained, like, what's up. And Una would be walking in next to you, so... Anybody else want to come? New kids? Yeah, actually, I wouldn't mind going. It might be worth stopping by and getting Jarek some new clothes.

Something maybe a little bit more fitting so he doesn't look like a criminal. Yeah, Killina will come with. Uh, on the way there, I want to interrogate them about their gods. Oh no. I'm a religious zealot. Oh no. I'm that person. Una is that person. Just on the way, she'll be like, "So, um, have you heard the bad word?" [Laughter] Um, she'll ask like, "So, are either of you followers of Kord?" I would assume not so much you, Una, but Merrick, you seem like you could get down with that. Uh, I've had all of my faith into a monitor, in fact, not Kord. He's the sun, he's hope.

And in theory, that's a big deal. Um, Una's gonna look like, like obviously kind of disappointed. Um, she's like, "Well, I guess, I guess that's not as bad as, I don't know, the Raven Queen or some shit." But I'm interested, why are you so zealous? Why, why do you care about Kord so much? What, what's good about Kord? Everything? Um, Una's not in, in her armor, so this is actually maybe the first time that like all of her tattoos are visible. Basically, like 90% of her body is covered in tattoos, either commemorating Kord or like preaching his word or, or something.

Um, so it's pretty obvious like she's really into the strength and courage thing. Um, but she'll kind of just like, like touch the tattoos on the backs of her hands and just like Kord is strength and courage. And to be honest, I have a lot more belief in strength and courage than in hope and light. Uh, Merrick's, Merrick's gonna sort of drink that in. Um, look, he's looking down at the ground and lost and thought about it, but he says, "You were very, very quickly open with us and, and that's appreciated. So I'll be open with you." I don't know if, and he's, he doesn't know how to explain this.

This is probably the first time he's said this to anybody other than Kaluna. Um, I'm not even sure if a monitor is with me anymore, has abandoned me. So, uh, I'm willing to listen. Kaluna is going to sort of put her hand on his shoulder and she'll kind of give him a weak sort of shaky grin cause she's still shaken up because holy shit, blood magic is scary. And she'll be like, and she'll sort of say, "But the sun is shining right now." Oh, she's so cute. That sort of drags Merrick back out of it and he says, "You're right. You're right. You're right." Um, Una's gonna just kind of like grin and say, "I don't know about a monitor.

I don't know if he exists. I don't know. That's not my thing, but watch this." Um, and I'm gonna use my, um, my flying power. Um, I'm not going to attack anything. I'm just gonna like levitate basically alongside us as we're walking and just like the sparks and like the kind of wind just like allowing me to like fly basically. Um, and then just kind of like lightly touch back down on the ground and like just kind of like grin. Kaluna's gonna like just be entranced like holy shit. Do you want me to roll perception please? What about the fucking guards? Who's rolling perception?

Um, all three of you, please. I forgot we're walking on the bridge of people who hate us and I'm showing off. Six dozen fucking Overwatch. [Laughter] Whoops. Everyone, everyone along this path that you are walking on, um, as, as Una kind of levitates off the ground, a la Storm from the X-Men, fucking wind, there's kind of a vibe of holy shit. Fist of cord everybody, fist of cord. It's like everything's fine, everything's fine. Holy shit demon. Like that's, that is, that is some, and then, and then there's a wildin walking next to you. So you guys have garnered quite a bit of attention.

Um, no guards though. That's good. Thankfully, uh, that you see, but, uh, yeah, that was, yeah, that definitely was, yeah. Um, so, okay, you, do you have anything you want to discuss before you get to this temple? Uh, yeah. Um, Kaluna is going to sort of point sort of generally at Una and she's going to say, "Humans don't usually have markings." They're tattoos. Uh, they use ink and they put it in your body. She's going to sort of perk up and sort of, you can see sort of understanding dawning on her face and she's like, "Oh, we do that too." And, um, and then she'll sort of point at her shoulders where all the flowers and stuff are growing.

And she'll say, "We do other things too, like this." You put seeds in your body? And she'll sort of shake her head really fast, you know, very excitable. And she'll say, "No, no, no, no, no, no. What we do is we take a knife and we stab it into our arms or wherever you're putting it. And then we take the plant that we want and we put it there and then we heal it." Can I do that? Una's like, "That's so fucking cool." She'll sort of frown a little bit and she's like, "Uh, you don't know humans don't really have sap." We could try though. You know, maybe not.

Thinking about it. Probably not a good idea. And at least let's not do it here on the path. Colleen will sort of pout like, "Dang it, man." We can try to grab humans later. Improving them. Let's stick with sticking one soul into another body for today. We'll talk about that next weekend. Let's all go home and do math. Let's do all the terrible things all in one day. Arriving at the Temple of Kord, you're going to walk through these front doors. And all the initiates and whatnot are kind of scattered about this place doing their thing. And the second Una walks in, a lot of these lower level guys are going to kind of turn and say, "Who the hell is this?" And then as soon as they make eye contact with it, they're going to like, "Oh shit!" And they're going to bow down.

Oh fuck yeah! Because this Kord's fist thing is a big deal. Oh, this is awesome. And Craig's going to kind of walk. He's going to notice everyone's like, "What the fuck?" And then just kind of like... Oh, okay. Yeah. And Craig's going to get out of here. And he's going to like shoo them all the way. Like pigeons. Una? Yes. And then he's going to pan over the group. And then he's going to get to Ironhide. And he's going to kind of look them up and down. So I'm guessing that was a success. You want to talk? Yeah, it was. The voice that's coming out of Ironhide isn't Ironhide's normal voice.

It would be the voice of the former, you know, Yark. Do you sound like a retard or something? Yeah. No. I feel such fear. He's just like, "Yark, yark, yark, yark." He sounds adorable on my pitchy cheeks. No! That's why he's so abusive and violent. He's just tired of being... It's like, "Stop tussling my hair." "You're so adorable. I'll kill you." He's too cute. He's too cute. No, it's kind of a deep gruff kind of voice. So after a couple of seconds, Craig's going to shake his head. So you ready to discuss things? Yeah. I would like to introduce you first to Kaluna.

And she's going to kind of gesture to Kaluna. And Maric. And sort of bounce and wave. Damn it, that's adorable. That's the plan. And she's going to kind of like... When she gets to... Or when she points to Maric, she'll say, "He's a follower of a monitor for now." And kind of grin at Maric. Maric does his best to start to bow and then maybe try to shake his hand and just leave the hand out, maybe. Craig's going to kind of lean forward and shake your hand back. Kind of aggressively. The dude's got a really aggressive handshake. But it's not on purpose. It's not like a test of strength or some shit.

He's just got a real firm grip. Right, yeah. Maric will try to match it and then try to get out of the handshake as quickly as possible. And these two can be trusted. Yes. At least they fucking better. And I'm going to like... It's kind of jokingly... Can I glance at them shifty-eyed? Alright, come with me. And he's going to lead you to his study room area. From what we've managed to gather, it looks as though Marcus and I was sent here from the Overwatch to barter some sort of deal here in Esterhold. They would move in some troops and protect the city and slow down this crime rate problem.

And in turn, the Overwatch get to draft any able-bodied citizens to their city and train them. They would effectively be moving at least a quarter of the citizens to the city of Overwatch. They would most likely end up as cannon fodder, though. This is fucking heinous. Agreed. That's why I would like you and your group to step in. We do hold quite a bit of sway here, and quite frankly, we were never asked if this was okay by us. We do have the power to deputize you within the city, and you and everyone in your group would essentially be law. You could help clean up Esterhold.

And Marcus Senna? That's a little trickier. But it could be very doable to eliminate him, if that's truly what you're after. It's not just enough for him to be gone, to die. I need to get my hands on him, and I have an obligation to a friend, to a few friends, to let them inflict as much pain as possible. I need to know everything about Marcus. Everything that's going on, everything he's doing in the city. We know where he's staying, as much information as I possibly can. This man is the most disgusting coward I have ever encountered in all of my life, and I can swear to you, that his existence is a fucking stain on this earth.

Currently, he's staying in Mayor Keller's mansion. From what we gather, he'll be here at least three more days. If they broker a deal before then, then he'll probably be leaving sooner. But I don't see that happening. If we get the mayor's ear, which shouldn't be a problem, like I said, we hold quite a bit of sway, then we could definitely slow that down. If need be, I can pull enough strings that could get you in a room with him. Whatever happens after that is up to you. I'm just gonna kinda like smile, and look at like, American kaluna. And are you guys...

I realize that what you've seen since you joined us was a little fucked up, and if we get our hands on Marcus, it's going to be infinitely more fucked. Are you okay with that? Um, Merrick's going to look around and take a long pause, and sigh a huge sigh, and sort of look down at the ground, and then look over at kaluna and say, "I think we picked the right group." Kaluna's gonna look right at, um, Una, and she's gonna say, "He's with the Overwatch, correct?" Yes. Very much so. She's gonna grin, and she's gonna pop her knuckles, and it just sounds like splintering wood. [laughter] Um, okay, I guess, uh, Una will turn back to, um, to Craig and say, "Let's do whatever we can.

Let's get the Overwatch out of Esterhold. Let's clean up the streets, and let's fucking kill Marcus Senna." Give me 24 hours to set it up, and you should be in a room with Marcus. And Craig is going to kind of, uh, hold out his hand to, uh, Una. Uh, she will--she will--she will shake his hand vigorously. Like, do that, like, two-handed, like, when someone's really excited that they got, like, a job promotion, kind of, just like, "Yes! Thank you, sir! Thank you!" Like, "I won't let you down." [thunder] And look who signs on Skype. It's like he hears it.

He knows. [laughter] [sigh] Well, let's--let's catch up with everyone at the house real quick. Here's what we're gonna do. We're going to, uh, we're gonna wrap things up here, and then I would imagine that'll be pretty much the day, like, everyone else kind of maxing and relaxing a little bit, and then we'll--we'll have everyone go to bed, and then that'll wrap up the session. So, um, how is--how is Jadzia kind of unwinding after all that? Well, it depends, kind of, on how Valus is doing, I think. Almost entirely, like-- He--he would not be in any pain anymore.

It's--it's a jarring thing. He's more just happy that you didn't have to go through that. So, he'll--yeah, he'll be fine. I think she'd just kind of-- I don't think she'd be able to go to sleep after that. So, I think she'd just kind of be staying on the couch, like, relaxing as much as she can after that, but she's still clearly, like, very tense, which is why she's not trying to sleep, 'cause that was fucked up. Yeah, that's--that is the stuff nightmares are crafted from. That is-- Uh, what about Fae? Um, I presume Bree stayed at the house. Yes. Um, he, uh, he'd probably go find Bree to talk to.

Um, yeah, Bree and-- So, you're--you're gonna find her in--in one of the rooms upstairs, and you can kind of tell that Bree and Liara were having this really quiet conversation, and then, Fae kind of walks in, they stop, uh, and--and Bree's gonna kind of look at Fae. Just that kind of looked like, "Yep, what's up?" Um, Fae is gonna look at, uh, and then look at, um, Liara, and then back at, uh, Bree and say, "How--how much--how much did you tell Una about last night?" I--I-- Whatever you heard is what--what I told her. I really didn't tell her anything about the fight.

So, you haven't told her the important detail? No, not yet. I'm--I'm still kind of trying to figure it out myself. Uh, Fae--Fae's gonna--gonna briefly look at Liara and say, "Does Liara know?" We were just kind of talking about it. Fae's gonna, uh, sit down, um, somewhere near the both of them, um, and say, "Okay, so, what have we got so far?" I did the same thing I always do. I just--I clenched my fist, and I think-- I thought of the same thing I always thought of, and it usually just kind of happens, and this time, nothing. When--when I was resurrected, I gained something.

It's entirely possible that when you was resurrected, you lost something. I would really hope that this isn't permanent. I--I just felt so helpless, like, I couldn't-- I couldn't do anything to help you. I've--I've never held a weapon, let alone trained with one. I--I'm just used to making a difference. I feel that whether or not--whether or not your--your powers are going to come back, uh, you--you'll need to--you'll need to make sure that you know how to handle a weapon, whether it's a sword, a hammer, or something completely different. You are going to have to be able to protect yourself for-- for the possibility that this doesn't--that this doesn't come back.

I--I can train you with a sword. I'm sure Liara is more than capable of training you with a multitude of weapons. Um, but, yeah, we--we--we have to make sure that-- that you are prepared for the worst possible scenario of you not being able to use your gifts that you had before. Um, Liara's gonna speak up. I need you to do me a favor here. We were talking, and... Bree is going to take a bit of a break from the ravens. I'm going to head back, and I'm-- I'm going to take care of things while she's away, and... she's going to stay with your group. I would ask that you just keep an eye on her and do everything in your power to make sure that she's okay.

Within reason, of course. 'Cause I know she can be stubborn and pig-headed, and she's just kind of--kind of look-- like, kind of glare at her while she says it. I've dealt with Oona for--for quite a while. I am--I think I can handle-- I--I think that I can cope with having Bree in the group as well. Um...let's see here... Uh, is there anything else you wanted to say while we're-- Nope. Not me. Okay, cool. [sigh] Um... So, let's do this. Let's assume that the rest of the day is pretty much spent recouping. Right. Everyone's kind of getting your shit together.

You're in a holding pattern as far as Marcus goes. You can't really do much with that. So the rest of the day, the group is just kind of... unwinding, recouping, getting some rest, some much-deserved and much-needed rest. Uh...and... Let me ask you a question. What are the sleeping arrangements here? Like, how is--where--where is everyone sleeping? There are pretty much enough rooms for everyone to get their own room. I typed that. I don't know why. I don't want to type that. I didn't mean to do that. Yeah, just say it, Izzy. Just say it. Really, fuckface? Really, fuckface.

Really. What--why am I a fuckface? 'Cause you know what that question's leading to. I'm--no, I-- Who's banger tonight? I'm not--I'm asking. You're leading the defendant in your questioning. I am asking--I said there's enough rooms for everyone to have their own room. I don't understand what the-- Who are gonna have, like, monkeys? You know, just 'cause someone's sleeping in the same room doesn't mean there's sex going on. I'm just saying, like, it doesn't-- Like, Valis would follow Jadzia into her room that doesn't-- Like a weirdo. Like a fuckin' weirdo.

It's a protection thing. She's gonna--she's not gonna be able to sleep alone. Honestly. But. She knew this was going there. Yeah, uh, Kaluna would-- Literally, fuckers. Kaluna would sleep-- Say you're gonna go sleep with Brie. Kaluna would sleep in Merrick's room just--just for safety. Mm-hmm. She'd, like, sleep on the floor, like, crouched. Like a cat or something. Like, at the foot of the bed. No. So what's funny is I was gonna say that Merrick, uh, based on--on what he's been doing for the past-- whatever, ten years or so, he would have his own room, but he would be sleeping on the floor.

Kind of like a--like somebody who just came back from the war or something. Some nom vet who can't-- Let's be realistic. --from what you've seen for the last few days. That's--that's why Kaluna's on guard duty. Right. Plus it's always nice to have a little plant in the room, or, you know, like, some vegetation. It's really nice. Makes you feel more homey. Yeah, you know, it's like, you know, it's oxygen. It's great. She says normal windowsill. Yeah. What about, uh, what about--what about Fae? Um, Fae-- Fae's not really fussy on wearing the house. Uh, yeah, I mean, like, he--he's-- he would, whenever he gets the chance, just wander around and see what--what he can find, and-- just like, if--if there's a room that takes his fancy, he'll just kind of, like, stay there and check it out for the night or whatever.

Yeah, there's--there's all kinds of interesting nooks and crannies in the upstairs region of the house. Don't steal my fucking money. So, I'll tell you what, if you'd like to kind of search throughout the upper regions of the house while everyone else sleeps, you could totally do that. That seems like a Fae thing to do. Yeah. Okay, now you're a fuckface. You'd share probably. Maybe. No, he wouldn't. Oh, like, he shared that sword back with the people? Yeah. Back to the trample owners? Like, you shared that? Mine. I was given that. Mine. Uh... No, that was a very Yen word, like, mine.

It was a gift. Mine. What about Una? Uh, Una's gonna wander around the house and get drunk. Oh, okay. 'Cause she hates being weak. So she's just gonna, like, pretend it's not happening to her. So she's gonna get drunk when she's even weaker. She's gonna drink until she passes out. Brie would probably hang out with--with Una. Getting drunk on you? Hanging out with Drunk Una's not gonna be very much fun, but fair enough. Probably not. She will get smacked. Yeah, that's... More concerned, like, just like, you've had too much. Come on, like, maybe we should-- I might have to roll you over to your side to keep you from choking on your own vomit, so stay here.

Yeah. This is disgusting. Call it Una's accord, don't vomit. Come on. So, okay, let's say everyone's crashing for the night. Um, uh, eventually, everyone's probably having their own little adventure. I imagine Drunk Una's fun, and... Fee. Yep. Do me a favor. Yep. Uh, roll a dungeoneering check. You trip on a landmine. 22. 22's not gonna quite do it. Damn it. But, uh, Fee's gonna crack this--this--this walnut one day. Like, he's searching around, and he could--he could swear that there's some secret compartment or nook or cranny or something that--that--that is in this house he's not finding.

It's--it's around. Like, he could sense it. Like, his--his--his thief senses are tingling. Like, he could feel it. Like, it's like, there is money in these walls or something. Like, there's something going on. Some treasure. Some--some--something of worth, of value. And let's say he keeps at it most of the night, and people get--get some sleep, and Daybreak rolls around. Um, everyone's waking up, everyone's kind of getting--getting their--their self together here. Do me a favor, everyone, roll a perception check. That always works out for everyone involved when you ask for that.

I know. 25. 23 is pretty good perception for somebody who was, like, sloshed as fuck last night. Yeah, really. Your blinding hangover. Perception check is just to see how fun Una's gonna be today. It's like, "Ah, she's miserable." That's great. Ah, great. Oh, I got it twice in there. I had a 25, not a 21. Sorry. Okay. It's all good. I'm--okay. Everyone except Kaluna. Oh. Um, so everyone kind of gathers downstairs after a while, and everyone is--is, you know, grabbing a bit of bacon, they're--they're hanging out, it's breakfast time. And everyone is gonna notice after a while that Ironhide is nowhere to be found.

Where are you, Ironhide? Hide and go seek! Marco! Um, if you would like to--if you would like to, uh, take a look around, like, you can-- Last time I took a real look around for somebody. Yeah, let's take a look around. Yeah, let's take a look around. Okay. Taking a look around, you don't see Ironhide anywhere in this--in this building. Any signs of a snearing check? Any signs of a snearing check? Any signs of a snearing check? Any signs of a snearing check? Any signs of a snearing check?