HomeFront

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you only got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. Howdy folks, thanks for listening. Um, we are wrapping up the Kickstarter as we speak tonight while we're recording this. So, um, what we're going to start doing is, we're going to start looking for artists, actually. So, um, we're probably going to get a couple of artists on board, and the first thing we're going to be doing artwork for are the modules that we're currently putting together.

So, if you do art and you listen to this show and you think you'd be a good fit, um, send us an email at dnrpodcast@gmail.com. That's d-a-n-d-rpodcast@gmail.com. Um, send us a sample of your work, like a price listing of what we can expect to pay you for it, because we obviously want to pay you for it, because art is awesome and you should get paid for it. So, um, beyond that, if you guys can go to iTunes, give us a rating, review, all that good stuff. Spread the word, let your friends know. You can check us out on facebook.com/dungeonsandrandomness, all spelled out.

Um, and other than that, thank you very much and enjoy the show. Let's do the thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Kat. Hey, I'm Kat Charlie, and I play Phee, the Changeling Thief. And Izzy. Hey, I'm Izzy, and I play Uno, the Half-Elf Paladin. And Jasper. Uh, this is Jasper, I play Maric, Ethelred, Human Cleric. And Bree. Hi, my name's Brianna, and I play Jadzia, Grace, the Human Warlock. And Mac. Hi, I'm Mac, and I play Galunavul Garith, the Wildin' Shaman. [sigh] Okay.

Marcus Santa is dead. Um, the end of the last episode, we got to that. Um, that is no longer a problem for you in the city of Esterholt. You have worked out, uh, you've worked out this kind of tenuous deal with the mayor, Mayor Keller there. Um, and you are going to attempt to try and take care of some of the crime problem that's going on in this city. Um, you're going to be working with Craig Mason, and, um, he's pretty much given you free range. As long as you're not openly fighting people in the streets and murdering, you should be fine. Like, you're going to try to deal with this problem the best way you guys can figure out to do so.

Um, let's pick up, let's say two days have passed. Um, the soldiers from the Overwatch, uh, that you let go have not reentered town. Um, as a matter of fact, it appears as though they've cleared out of the city. Uh, with no leadership within, uh, within their ranks, they decided it would be best if they just retreated back to the city and, and got new orders. At least that's what it appears to be so far. The, do me a favor, um, roll a streetwise check, everyone. Twenty. Twenty-one. Seven. Twenty-five. Seven. Um, so, Kaluna and Jadzia, not so streetwise. Really?

I'm pretty book smart. Yeah. So, Una and Jasper, um, they've, they've kind of, uh, feed to, to a slightly lesser extent, but they've all kind of been keeping their ear to the streets. And your presence there as of the day that you murdered Marcus Santa has definitely been noticed. Like, you, you're, the word is starting to get out on you guys. Now, besides the local bandits and thugs and, uh, and local ne'er-do-wells that, that, that have started to kind of infest the, the not so great portions of town. Um, there is, there, there are rumors of a group called the Gray Cloaks.

Um. Kind of a pussy ass name, but all right. The color of their cloaks? That, that makes sense. I don't know, it just seems kind of like, like the oatmeal brethren. Like, it's kind of like the neutral. So for the color of their shield, though, it'd be okay. Oh. Kinda, yeah. Maybe it's a metaphor. Maybe it's some sort of metaphor. I don't know. Um, you'll find out pretty soon. Um, those are the, those are the guys you got to worry about because those, they, they seem to have a rep with the bandits and thugs as not to be fucked with. At least, at least in Esterhold.

They don't seem to have, it's not like the Nouval where they have kind of a network over Theria and there, there are, there are different sects of them, but they seem to be completely localized in Esterhold. Um, and they don't seem to be involved in petty crimes. Um, it's, it seems to be mostly murder, things like that. Like it's, it's, they're a bit higher tier criminal. Um, so you, you, you guys have taken two days and, and you're, you're, you're, you've been prepping and kind of getting your, getting your stuff together. What, what would you figure you've done in, in two days?

Let's just kind of go around the table. Let's, let's start with, let's start with, um, let's start with Kaluna. Like what has Kaluna done in the last couple of days? Well, you would start with me, wouldn't you? Um, she probably would have just followed Merrick around, honestly, maybe snooped around at what everyone else was doing. Sort of just watching, trying to figure out how these people operate because she's slowly learning that different people do different things. It's weird. Um, speaking of Merrick, what about, what about Merrick? What would Merrick be doing?

Well, I think, you know, so Merrick has, has not really been in, not even a house, much less a mansion or anything in a long time. Um, so I think he's getting used to his surroundings, but at the same time, I think he's the kind of person to, to want to maybe tidy up, straighten up, uh, kind of make sure that some of the, the weird stuff that are in the kitchen cabinets is just sort of gone and taken care of and trying to get the darmok out of the mansion. I think he gets that and, um, I think he would be taking Kaluna, uh, and whoever else would want to go over the last couple of days, maybe to the markets or whatever's around in Esterhold to sort of just restock everything.

Nobody's there taking care of the house. So I think he'd be, you know, taking it easy. Merrick's our mommy. Merrick's so cute. That's good we need a mommy because we got you. Your vegetables. It's true, right? He's, uh, yeah, he found some really crazy shit, like in some weird corners in this place. So I think he would be like, all right, okay, somebody's got to take care of this and nobody's going to do it if I don't do it. Darmok's, Darmok's place. It's really not Darmok's place. It's, it's, it's, it's your place now. I guess that's the next question I want to ask.

Are you guys going to live here? Is this your, your home base? Because I mean, you're not squatting here. It's not a thing where you've, you were originally you, you came to Esterhold to get this, this thing done and you already had a house there. So there's no reason to rent an inn, a room in an inn, but it seems as though you guys are living here now. And if so, are you, are you cleaning up the place? Are you trying to just, are you just kind of weathering the storm for the most part? I, we know that, we know that Merrick is cleaning up, but I mean, is it this kind of thing like, okay, we need to try and find all the dirty little nooks and crannies at this place and try and clean it up.

Fie would definitely be looking for all of the F nooks and crannies. Definitely figured Fie would. Jesse has sent it for the library mostly because it's pretty fucking well stocked. Oh yeah. And so she's, that's probably what she's been doing for the last two days is like research almost entirely. Okay. Maybe a little bit of looking for the money, but it's almost passive now. Like the last time I tried, I found bodies hanging from hooks. Fuck it. Fie, do me a favor, roll a Dungeoneering check. 20. Okay. The ones that we're gonna find this money. Fie has searched this place.

He feels like he searched it top to bottom and it's starting to piss him off to be honest. Because the thing in the library definitely shows that there are, there are definitely little secret passages and nooks and crannies. And that's probably not the only one. And this is Fie's bag. This is what he does. He finds hidden shit. He's, he's, and it's bothering him. He cannot find, like he doesn't even know if it's necessarily money or, or something worth money, but he can't find it and it's bothering him. But he's definitely continuing to search. What about Una?

Probably training Bree. Okay. So, okay, let's get into this. So Bree decided that she was going to use daggers. Like that was that, that they're like- Yeah, Una doesn't know shit about daggers. But she does know about defending, so I guess they'd be teaching her like defensive stuff. Okay. So, okay, we're gonna dip into that and just, we're gonna dip into that in a couple of minutes actually. So everyone in the house would know about the problem with the gray cloaks. Everyone in the house would know about, about what you're supposed to be doing in the city now and just, you all have something to do.

Fie would be trying to help Bree as well with training as of the knives and daggers and swords. So he's, he's kind of back. Okay. Cool beans. So let's say that, let's say that the three of you are kind of in the backyard, like near the, near the hedge maze, because that's kind of the back, like the back door pretty much just opens into a small backyard, then it just starts the hedge maze. And I would imagine you aren't in the hedge maze, but kind of on the cusp of it. Don't trip over anything. That's why we don't go in the hedge maze. Did we fill in the hopes again?

I would imagine a couple of days have passed, I would imagine probably Valis and Kaluna out there like filling in the holes where, yeah, so that's, that's, let's say that that's, that's happened. So you're, you're training, both of you are training Bree up on, on daggers and it's, it's kind of a slow going process because she, she has no experience. It's not like even someone in who's, who's lived at like when she was younger, she lived in like a little logging camp and that's like her, you know, the, anyone who could pick up a weapon would help, you know, that there'd be wolves or bears or something like that.

Just, just regular or the occasional bandit who would happen upon the place and want to try and rob somebody. But that, that's, it's pretty few and far between this. The stakes are a lot harder, higher where, where, where you guys are concerned. So let's, let's say that the two of you have been training her up and two days have passed. So she's, she's starting to kind of pick up some really, really basic attacks, like some really like essentially like thrusting a dagger into somebody. That's kind of the basics of it. But let's see, let's roll, let's roll a flat D20 and see how well she's picking this up.

Wow. Holy shit. We're good teachers. Fuck yeah. Yeah. High five. That's a 19. So she's definitely picking this up. You could see where like either she's a natural at this or you guys are fantastic teachers. And the fact that you both have military training, you, I mean, it would stand to reason that you, you, I mean, I would imagine how, what is your teaching style? Like how would you, how would you describe it? Fi would be very kind of hands-on, very much like a learn by doing, but also like as she was, as she was making the emotions, like adjust her as she's like swinging and stuff, kind of be like, no, you need to be, you need to lean more in this way.

You need to swing harder this way and yeah, like very, very not, not like touchy touchy, but very kind of hands on. I didn't think there was any inappropriate touching. Well, prepare to be, no I'm kidding. Una would probably like, like kind of like teach by pointing out mistakes, like, okay, I'm attacking you. See how you failed to stab me and I punched you in the face? Yeah, you did that wrong. Here's how you should have done it sort of thing. Okay. So she's kind of taken a few lumps under your tutelage is what you're saying. Just a little, just a little.

I mean, obviously I'm pulling the punches, you know? Right, no, I mean, you're not hitting her full force in the face, obviously, but yeah, like she's like, it's kind of a kind of the equivalent of like a smack on the head, something like that. Just kind of just, yeah. Okay. So Jadzia. So, uh, Valus is pretty much recouped except for scars and shit like that from the blood magic ritual. The that's all done. Do me a favor and roll a perception check Jadzia. 16. Okay. For the past couple of days, every once in a while, Jadzia swears that she hears something skittering in the walls.

It'll only last a second, but she swears it's one of those things where it's like, did you hear that? And then someone will enter the room to hear what? And it stops, but she can swear that she hears it. Oh, that's not good. And that's been going on for a couple of days now. It doesn't sound like money. It's up to you if you'd like to make another Dungeoneering check to try and find that money. You said you were kind of passively looking for it. I'll do that. One second. Uh, 22. Nope. Not quite like it's not. It's definitely. Dude, that was a 17 roll. I know. It's not quite the whatever this is.

Well hidden. Okay. So about the skittery thing in the walls. Given this house. Hell, it could be our like thing could just be a hand. So, okay. After a couple of days of this, I would imagine this is kind of maddening to Jadzia because this I mean, this house is going to put like this house is going to kind of put her off her game. And then the body incident in the library. And, you know, the I mean, it's all kind of like, okay, seriously, there's no one here this and considering let's roll a perception check for Valis. Let's do that. This is one less than yours.

So this will be a thing where like he's constantly in the room with you. So it'll be a thing where every once in a while, like he'll pick up on it just as much as you, but you can't quite pinpoint it. It's kind of echoing in the wall. So it's it's every once in a while you'll go to a new room and it's just like you could just kind of hear something. It is up to you if you would like to try and track this sound down or just kind of it's not hurting me. Let's leave it alone. I guess I try to get to it. How I not just knock down some walls. The next time we hear it, I was going to I'm not going to do it, but like I'll talk to Valis about it and be like next time can just knock down the wall when we hear it.

Totally cool. OK, because that was probably knock down a wall pretty easy. I don't think I could I could burn down a wall, but then I'd end up burning down the whole house. You definitely punch through something. I could try to conus the shit out of this wall, but it's not. Oh, yeah, that is definitely. Yeah, he can punch things and intimidate. And that's the breadth of his skills. Why are they talking about Valis mastery in the chat? Where did this come from? I don't know where did this took a turn? OK. You took too long to describe what he was doing, so I filled it in for you.

Oh, thank you. There we go. OK, so. So, guys, how are you going to clean up this city? What do you what would you like your first move to be? I thought I was knocking down a wall. Are we waiting until you're waiting to hear the skittering again? OK, so, yeah, we talked that out. The next time he hears that he has permission to knock down whatever wall he hears the skittering from. And I really hope it happens while we're having like a nice cup of tea with everyone and no one else hears it. And he just knocks down a wall for no reason. Let's say that you're all like in the living room type of area.

OK. And this is a big decision. You guys need to kind of decide now you've got the go ahead from management as long again, as long as you're not waging war in the streets and endangering people, you you have you have a fair bit of leeway to to do what you think is that the the the term that Craig used was use the what you think is the appropriate amount of force. So what do you think your your first move would be here? If there's anyone in the town, this is like an idea, if there's anyone in the town who like kind of like, you know, one of those like criminals who's like not really like the upper ups, but they're not really the lower lows.

They kind of like their finger on the pulse of things. Let's maybe go and like politely ask them some questions. Maybe that might be a good idea. I don't know. Sure. Roll the streetwise, please. 30. There is quite a local criminal by the name of Cecil Fowers, who actually lives in Esterhold currently. So I don't even need to roll an intimidate check. You show up. Hey, friend. All right. So like, let's go be good, guys. Is that what we want to do? I mean, like there are I don't know, that's just there are other options. It's up to you guys. Like, how would you like to I mean, OK, the situation is that I mean, you've got people getting mugged in the streets.

It's not safe to go out at night in certain portions of the city. It's a fairly large city, Esterhold. And to be honest, their their guard force is not adequate enough. And it's highly suspected that there's a decent portion of the town guard that are on the take. And we'll just ignore crimes flat out if they're paid to. Let's get a list of those guys. Yeah. Should we investigate the the bad apples within the guards first? Yes. Yeah. Where do we start for this kind of thing? I mean, do we go back and talk to Mayor Keller? Would she be the kind of person that we could just say, look, you know, where where's the problem?

Or is Craig somebody else from the outside that would be able to to point us in the right direction? I mean, we could go out on the streets and just say, hey, are you having a problem? Hey, you having a problem? But just door to door heroing. Exactly. Do you need anybody beaten up? Because we have the green light. We could just patrol the streets and wait for something shifty to happen, because we go to Cecil right now and be like, hey, we want to arrest you. We don't have any proof or anything. We just kind of heard about it through the grapevine that you're a douche.

Can't really do that. Could we could we go to Cecil and like kind of give him a shakedown and, you know, try to try and try and get some names and stuff? He seems like the kind of guy who would know like what kind of what guards are like, you know, slippery biscuits or whatever the fucking term is. Slippery biscuits? Totally not the term. It's so buttery, I don't know. Can't even hold these biscuits. Well, you know, so so tell me about Cecil again. What's what's his what's the street wise on him? OK, well, OK. Or do we roll a 30? No, yeah, she fucking would definitely.

The second time, like the first time I perception checked, I crit it, I think. And this time I streetwise and I know like everything about him. Cecil is a mid-level gangster at best. Mid-level like he aspires to be a leader. He aspires to be, you know, the guy at the top of the food chain. He was never quite as ambitious or clever as he thinks he is. So he's the type of guy who always kind of finds himself in over his head, like he'll he'll take on an operation and it'll go well for a while until either he gets greedy or someone starts questioning his leadership or something.

And he really doesn't have the answers necessary to to talk his way out of it or deal with crisis. There was one other time that Group three ran into Cecil on the way to Esterholt to resurrect Bree and well, Una, well, Group three is wanted. Una is wanted specifically. And Cecil was trying to cash in on that. The screaming fuck you at the guy didn't help. So, yeah, that didn't end up well for him or his men or his horses. So he probably holds a grudge. The horses are fine, dude. Yes, but they're just not in his possession. Possession is an interesting term.

It's more like a concept, really. What do we really own? Most important is your relationship with Kord. Your personal relationship with Kord. You have to ask what can Kord do for you? OK, let's go talk to him. On the other hand, yes, Cecil is the type of dude who affiliates with known scumbags and would know something about someone somewhere, probably. That was vague as fuck. Well, you don't know what he knows until you talk to him. He's aware the vegetables exist, maybe. OK. Well, he is a slippery biscuit. It's tough to... Can slippery biscuit be a thing? Oh, yes, it already is.

That's totally not going away. What does slippery biscuit mean? So it seems like we have a couple of options in terms of how do we want to attack this. We either go into the Cecil direction and just be like, "Hey," and find where the bad places are and see if he'll... Like Kat said, shake him down, or we can go through a proper channel and say, "OK, we want to get started. Where should we get started?" That sounds good. So you're either going to deal with the underworld or you're going to try and tackle this from the top side of the lawful portion of it and try and...

So this is kind of a renegade paragon option. What would you guys like to do here? Would you like to be plugged into the underground network of criminals or would you like to just try and patrol the streets and be very lawful about it? I reckon... Not to say that you can't be lawful the other way. I'm just implying that. I would honestly go kind of the renegade-y way personally. I think that's just character-wise. Yeah. Merrick, are you lawful good? Is that your alignment? Oh, hell no. Oh, no. Oh, hell no. Fuck that shit. I mean, he's good, but he's not unlawful.

I feel like we're all either neutral or chaotic good. The alignment really doesn't have anything... It doesn't have a place in Theria. It's just interesting to talk about, you know? I'm still technically lawful good, even though I said I was going to change that, like, once again. I know, but that's come up. That's come up where it's like, "That person couldn't do that because they're lawful good." There's shades of gray. It's like the acting within character. People do things that are outside of their own personal character sometimes. Relax. That's, you know...

That's just me, though. Honestly, people have been trying to run this town the lawful way, and it hasn't been working, so let's do it our way. Fair point. Fuck yeah! Okay, let's go. Let's go. Let's go do things with people. Well... Biscuits. Those fucking slippery biscuits. You would know that Cecil hangs out in a pub called the Twin Foxes. That's a cute name. That is a cute name. Yeah. It's a nice city, for the most part. It just has a shitty criminal element. There are nice shops and things to do and see, and it just so happens it's a little rotten inside. So, let's... let's do this.

Everyone throw your characters right here on the table. Heh heh heh heh. Front. Front. Nope. Oh, look! Patrons. And by patrons, I mean people we might have to fight. Yeah. Everyone do me a favor and roll a perception check. Is Valeth gonna come? 36. Yes. Oh, that's a good one. Wow, 19. What the fuck is wrong with me? Same. What the fuck is wrong with me? 27. What the fuck? Wait, what the fuck? Wait, wait. Can you screenshot that or some shit? Scott. That's like my third critical miss in a row. Mm-hmm. Incredible. I'm gonna go home, actually. Um, Valis, can you walk me home? 'Cause I'll probably die, trip and fall on the way home.

Brie and Valis. Uh, 20 for Valis and 14 for Brie. Ew. Um, let's do this. Okay, so, uh, who would've noticed this? Um, Merrick, Kaluna, and... that is pretty much it. Walking into this bar, Merrick and Kaluna are going to spot a figure at the opposite end, who looks to be semi-surrounded by a group of dwarven thugs. So, they wouldn't know, they wouldn't exactly know what Cecil looks like. So, they do spot him and it looks as though he's semi-protected. So, it looks like he's at least a person of some importance in this pub. Um, it also appears as though there aren't any regular patrons beyond these kind of scummy-looking thug dudes.

Um, it is the middle of the day. Lots of upstanding people don't just hang out in the pub all day. They have jobs or something to do or a purpose. Okay, there we go. Okay. Uh, Cecil rolled a nine. So, Cecil does not notice that you are in this pub yet. Oh, I blew a raspberry. He's just farting into his beer. Full eye contact. He just doesn't fear. Uh, I think at this point, if we're in there and Merrick, you know, notices that there's an important guy, he's going to assume that this is who we're looking for. He's going to sort of motion to everybody else, like, "Yep, that's our dude." And then, uh, he would probably just make his way up to wherever the bar is.

Wow, he has a fucking motorcycle to get up there. Thank you, motherfuckers. *Makes motorbike noises* My beard! Hop on! Sorry, mustache. There's no beard involved. Is he sitting at the bar? Uh, so Merrick would be sitting at the bar now. Oh, no, no, he has his own table in the corner. Are there people sitting at his table? Um, there are people kind of surrounding his table. It looks as though he's sitting alone. Uh, oh, he's got little thuggy thugs. Right. So Merrick's getting out of the way. Not to get- he's basically eyeing him from another direction, figuring that everybody else is going to sort of fan out or go meet with him.

So he's sort of their support. Okay, I'll walk up to the table he's sitting at. Um, Genzio will mirror Merrick, like, she'll go in the opposite direction, like, fan out. This seems like a good situation. Um, Valus looks torn for just a second. Like, Valus kind of looks like, uh, like, like the fight, if there was going to be one, is clearly going to be over there with, with, with Cecil. But at the same time, he's like, okay, well, all right. So the plan doesn't appear to be to go beat the shit out of things. So he's going to go take a seat at the bar with Jadzi and Merrick.

Um, Bree is definitely- Bree's going to follow Una. Um, she definitely wants to kind of be in the thick of this. Whether that's a good idea, we'll see. I don't know. Um, what about Fee? Fee would follow Una and Bree. Okay. All right, so half the party is going to start walking over to Cecil. Um, Cecil, when you get close to, uh, when you get close to his, his posse, he is going to notice. Um, and, uh, he's going to kind of look up, he's, he's kind of got his, his big mug he's drinking out of. And, uh, he's going to make eye contact with Una and then go wide-eyed after, like, that split second of, like, recognition is like, ah, that's what- Oh, shit, like he's gonna, he's gonna, um, um, and the thugs around the immediate vicinity of his table are going to start brandishing their warhammers.

Like, they're going to start taking out a couple of them that have axes, a couple of them have warhammers, so they're going to start brandishing these. And, um, it appears as though, uh, Cecil's just going to kind of give it a second and then he's going to realize, okay, wait, we're in the city, we're in a crowded pub, what are you going to do? [Laughter] Uh, do I recognize any of his, any of his thugs? Uh, roll perception. 28. Um, uh, you don't recognize any of them personally, um, but what you're picking up is that perhaps after your last encounter, um, Cecil picked up some new hired goons that might be a little, might be a little tougher than the last batch, uh, so that what happened to him out in the field doesn't happen again, hopefully.

Uh, so he's going to, like, after a couple seconds, like, he goes wide-eyed, he's kind of like, like he's, he's kind of gripping the arms of his chair, he's about to get ready and stand up, he's tense, and then he's kind of realizing, like, okay, wait, wait, wait, I'm, I'm in the, I'm fine, what are you going to do? Um, so he's going to kind of, like, sit back down and try and, like, kind of adjust his shoulders and try and be calm. Luna, what can I do for you? Can we have a seat? Um, and he's going to kind of, like, motion to his guys to, like, spread out, give him some room.

So they're actually going to kind of flank the table on all sides here and kind of spread out and give you guys some room and, and allow you to have a seat, uh, with Cecil. And he kind of, like, from below the table, he's going to kind of kick one of the chairs out on the opposite side and, and then just kind of motion to the chair. Okay, yeah, uh, I'll sit down, I'll sit down next time. He's a businessman, better than you, see? Um, he's going to sit down right next to, uh, right next to him. I imagine he's going to have a seat. Uh, yep. Okay, so everything's really nice and chit-chatty.

Yeah. Um, he's just going to kind of look at you expectantly, like, okay, what, what do you want? Okay, um, I guess I say, "Hey, Cecil, you seem like a man who has his finger on the pulse of things in this city, specifically. An important man." Um, that sounds like a bluff check to me. Diplomacy? Or diplomacy, that's more diplomacy, I think, that you're trying to, like, sugarcoat things. Because you're not exactly lying. 33? Okay, 33, okay. Um, you can seem kind of, like, loosen up just a little bit. I do have my moments. What, what exactly are you getting at?

Um, look, things in this town are going to start changing. It's going to be a little harder around these parts for, um, people of your economic inclination. So, the best way to get yourself out of, shall we say, the rough, and she's going to just kind of, like, plunk her fist on the table, would be to, uh, give us some information. Kind of ease our way. And maybe not get hit so hard later, if at all. Um, that sounds like an, that's an intimidate. Oh, fuck. I guess I, like, sneezed or something in the middle of that. 21. On the rough, achoo, hold on. Sorry, excuse me, just get out a little, like, pink hanky.

Why, Una, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to threaten me. Um, he's going to try, he's going to start to kind of, like, lean forward in his chair and just, um, kind of steeple his fingers and, and, and put them under his chin. I really don't take kindly to being threatened in my own city. I will admit, the last time we had a run-in, I may have come up just a tad short. But I think you'll find my new associates here, um, much more competent than my last. Um, the, the men surrounding the table are, uh, well, the dwarfs surrounding the table are, uh, again, still weapons drawn.

And they're kind of waiting for the order, uh, to attack you guys, but they, they do have you surrounded. The, uh, the checker goes and says, uh, "How fast are your guys?" Um, that sounds like an intimidate check. 26. Or 27? You pick. No, I know, I'm fucking around, dude. 26 is pretty good. Uh, he's, uh, he's going to kind of look at Fi and realize that Fi, um, if Una's sitting right across from Cecil, that would mean that Bri is sitting on one side of Cecil and Fi is sitting on the other. Which definitely means that there is an outside chance that Fi might be able to stab him, or something.

Which means that Cecil may not have thought this through completely when he allowed you to sit down. Um, so Cecil's just kind of like, turned this over in his head, you can kind of see it, like, see him think about it. I, I don't think there's any need for violence. What exactly do you want? Sounds like you want info on something. Two things. One, we'd like to find out, uh, the men in the city guard who might be more amenable to, um, looking the other way, sort of thing. We'd also like to know anything you know, and she's going to lower voice, about the Grey Cloaks.

Um, roll a perception check for me, please. 17. Um, uh, you can see just the hint of a twitch in his face when you mention the Grey Cloaks. Um, okay, she's going to say, "Yeah, that's how fucking serious this is. That's how far this is going to go. That's how much you should be worried." When you said things are changing in the city, you weren't kidding, but it's not like you think. The Grey Cloaks are going to practically run things, probably within the next six months. No one's going to step to them. And if you were smart, you'd leave it be. Who's their leader?

Who can tell us more about them? It's a big dragonborn named Marash. He came to the city about a year ago. Within three or four months, he started operating pretty much unrestrained. No one touches him. There were a few that tried. He murdered them straight away. Honestly, you don't want any of that. There's a reason none of us travel to the East End. We all pretty much stick to the Lower West Side, and that's because we were warned. As long as we stay here, we can do whatever we want. The second we set foot on their turf... And then he kind of like casts his eyes down.

Like, he realizes, like, oh, he'd murder every single one of us. What's so scary about them? Why are you so afraid? They're just powerful? Do they use magic? They're just highly trained. I mean, and he's kind of looking at his guys. We may be able to take one or two of them down, but they don't seem to care if they die. They got no sense of restraint or self-preservation. They just come at you. They also don't seem too interested in money. We tried paying them off a couple of times, and they just... they laughed. I mean, we came up with a serious bribe, too.

It was nice, but they just laughed it off. What are they interested in? Just killing? Honestly, I wouldn't be the one to tell you. You could try talking to them yourself, but... Am I supposed to believe that the town guard have been hired? You lot. You're working for the city. We work for a higher power. And he's kind of, like, he's kind of eyeballing the three of you here. And then after a couple seconds, he just kind of leans back in his chair. Tell her that, give it a go, go talk to him. The other thing, the names of the guards who, uh, may be a little less than moral.

Aha. That would kind of be shooting myself in the foot, though, wouldn't it? We could just do that for you. Save you the trouble. We've got better aim. Cecil's kind of put both hands on the table here and just kind of, like, leaned forward. You ain't gonna take on the Grey Cloaks, and you damn sure not gonna take on me. I just said I'm going after the Grey Cloaks, and I also... You said that you were afraid of them, and I said I'm going after them. So how am I damn sure not going to go after you? Exactly what is... How did you do the math there? You go after them, you get killed.

You stay here and keep threatening me? You're gonna get killed. Are you... You can't be... There's no way that somebody this dumb got so high in the criminal element in this city. Come on, Cecil. You're smarter than this. I know you're smarter than this. Don't fucking... Don't try and threaten us. I have a tiefling with a fucking bear trap on a chain. Um, do me a favor and roll an Intimidate check. Oh my god, my rolls suck! 22. Um, Una's kinda like, when she says it, kinda like point back towards Valis. Valis is not paying attention to what's going on on that side of the room.

He's more kinda like snuggle up next to Jadzia. Staring down her fucking cleavage. Come on! Come on, Valis! We snuggle in. Just necking in a corner like teenagers. Oh no, there's only one chair! Oh god, I'm gonna sit on your lap! Yuck. Let's both sit on the same side of this two-sided booth for no fucking reason. God damn it. Oh my god, you've got him drinking Appletinis, don't you? Try this one, try this one, babe. It tastes like peaches. It's sweet, but okay. Fucking, it's Valis. Um, let's try this. Uh, okay. So, as this is happening, um, Bree's gonna pull out a knife.

Okay. And roll a 12. Oh, Jesus Christ. What a shit-dick. Um, Bree is gonna try and pull out her knife, and what she was attempting to do is stab the table next to his hand. Oh god, can I stop her? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please. Okay, okay, I won't, I won't. Okay. Bree! Um, what she does instead is sink her blade into the palm of his hand. God. On just, like, like puts it clean through the center of Cecil's hand. Oh no. Um, baggers. Baggers was a good idea. Oh god, okay, uh, lay off hand. Oh, uh, can, uh, can, uh, can Thea sit back in his chair and say, "How fast are your men?" Um, Bree looks mortified, like that was not, like she's so, that was not what she was, like, she had a really hard and fast determined look on her face, and maybe trying to be a little Oona in this situation, it's like, "Oh, fuck this," and slap, it's like, "Oh god, I'm so sorry," like that kind of look just crosses her face, and then, like, she's looking at Cecil and like she's, she's going to reach for the knife, and then she like looks at Oona, it's like, "I didn't, I, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to," and then she, she grabs the, uh, she grabs the, the handle of the dagger, and like, she has to wiggle it because it's a, it's a wooden table, and it's sunk clean through, like these are sharp daggers, and like, she has to wiggle the knife back and forth to jerk it back up out of his hand.

Okay, can I, can I, can I, like, just yank the fucking knife out and lay on hands? Well, she's gotten the dagger out now, do me a favor and roll an athletics check. Fucking shit, Brianna! 19. Fuck! 19. Come on, please! You're gonna go and reach for Cecil's hand, um, and he's gonna jerk it back just before you can reach it, and he's going to actually fall backwards in his chair and tip over. Oh my god! And just start wailing about, like, he is in a lot of pain, so he is going to, you know, fall completely out of his chair backwards and tumble over, and his men are going to start closing in around this table, that would be the signal for them to do something to you.

Um, so, um, it may be a little late for a diplomacy check. Please? If I just yell stuff? Just yell stuff! Um, you can try that as your first action in combat if you like. God damn it! Okay, fine, I'll do that. Fuck. Okay, hold on a second, let me add the party and Bri and Valis, and I guess I'll add Cecil and his goons. Oh god, but my initiative is terrible! That means we're gonna have people fighting. Okay guys, don't fucking fight, just defend, okay? Just everyone fucking turtle up. Let's not, let's not fight, we don't want that on us, the first fucking thing that we try and do in this city that's clean.

Yeah, I feel like Cecil is probably gonna be our very best friend in this big mess of everything that we're getting started. I mean, he's in the middle, right? He's just this mid-level guy. Yeah. So, we've got bigger fish, and we kinda need his help, because he's the only one who's connected with this stuff, so, I mean, I'm ready to kick some ass, but... Yeah, we don't want him dead, we don't want to make a big fucking scene. God fucking shit, Brianna. We also went vigilante once already, like, we already murdered someone in Cold Blood and admitted to it.

Let's keep our name clear. This is reconnaissance, this is... Okay, everyone just turtle up. Diffuse, diffuse, diffuse, diffuse. God fucking shit, off my fucking tits. Was there a waffle thrown in there? Yeah, there's always a waffle. I swear I heard a waffle. There's always a waffle. I heard waffle fuck tits, and, uh... It's an image. Usually those three words, yeah, it's those three words, like, interchange, like, it's like a mad lib. Uh, waitin' on Feenjat's here to roll initiative. Oh, sorry, I was in the bathroom. It's all good. It's all good. 23. Bri's not coming with us anymore, she's gonna fucking house it.

You know that's not gonna go over well, right? I don't give a fuck. You already, you shelved her once. She's being shelved again, I'm gonna free trade her. We're gonna try to not, we said we were gonna try to keep this from escalating, and Valus gets to go first. Okay, can we yell, at least when everything starts, like, "Whoa, no fighting!" or some shit, anything to, like, let everyone know not to fucking kill anyone? That would be, that would be an action, so you're gonna have to wait, like, take, like, picture this taking, like, seconds, like this, so...

Valus saw the stabby-ness and stood up and started fighting. I would imagine him, I would imagine him here, like, thunk, scream. Fuck, Valus is gonna screw this up even more. Okay, let's just go, let's go. Um, so... So, he's gonna, okay, he's gonna hear the knife kind of hit the table, and then, like, that'll kind of jerk him out of whatever he's doing, like, kissy face with fucking Jadzia. Um, and just kind of, like, look over just in time to see Bree wiggle the knife out of his hand, and then pull it out, and then Cecil tumbles over. But he can see, like, you reaching for his hand.

So, I'll do this. I'll have Valus roll a perception check to see what he would grasp from the situation. Now, we all know his perception rolls are just fantastic. Eighteen. So he gets it. He gets the intention, it's like, okay, I don't think that was supposed to happen, because he can see Bree is, like, mortified. Like, that was not supposed to happen. So, let's see. What could he do that isn't going to hurt Jadzia standing next to him? Okay, so Valus is just gonna, like, kick the stool out from behind him, and then just start making towards the first guy that gets in his way.

Um, and he is going to try and grab this person. Which, I believe, uh... Yes, so grab. Totally fucking... What's Valus's Strength Mod? Twenty plus six, twelve. Oh my god. So, going against his better judgement, instead of just stabbing the guy, he's going to try and wrap his arms around this dwarf. Um, and as he bends down to do so, the dwarf is going to throw his head back and headbutt Valus in the chin. [laughs] And he's just gonna, like, he's gonna take it back. Fuck her! So, he doesn't get to grab him, and now it would be Bree's turn. Um... [laughs] She's already kind of stabbed Cecil.

Um, Bree's gonna try a Diplomacy. Like, she's gonna try and... But it's coming out in the form of, like, "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." Like, she's really... She feels bad that she actually stabbed him. So, she's going to try and use Diplomacy here with Cecil. And as soon as the table catches up... There we go. Hey, there we go. Sixteen is not great. Um, so yeah, this isn't a well thought out, uh, like, "This is my argument, this is what happened." It's, it's, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." So, that's, that's gonna be her action.

Kaluna, your turn. Um... So, Kaluna would kind of have no idea what's going on, except that there appears to be a tussle now. There appears to be stuff. Um, okay, so... Time... It's Kaluna's turn to ruin everything, guys. Um, she's going to summon... Oh my gosh, the listeners haven't met Pig. She's going to summon Pig the Panther Spirit, right next to Bree. In hopes of sort of pulling the heat off of her. Pig, boom, on the field. Pig! And, um... I guess... I don't know what to do. Um... Should I roll to see if Kaluna can figure out what's going on? Roll a Perception check.

In this one specific instance, I'm going to allow everyone before their turn to kind of roll a Perception check. Just to see if they would know what's going on. I think I know. So, you're, you're kind of picking up. You can hear Bree, like, "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." You can kind of tell that it's like, "I don't think they're trying to get into a fight." Okay, so then, I guess, um... She'll just... Leave Pig there. Okay. And that'll be the turn. Okay. Thug number six. The one that headbutted Valus in the chin. He is going to turn around and whip his Warhammer at Valus.

Just kind of like one spinning motion. And just try and hit him in the head. He will most definitely hit Valus in the head. And that'll be nine damage to Valus. Fee, your turn. Okay, okay. Oh, I need to be in the initiative twice. Shit. Yeah, why do we keep forgetting that? Um, I don't know, what's my... Plus twelve. If he's higher, does that mean he can just take two turns in a row? Yeah, that's... I just rolled my plus twelve and I got thirty. Um... Well, that's a bummer, because that means you would have went first. Ah, oh well. Um, okay, so... I have a power...

Which, you teleport up to five squares and then make a basic attack. Okay. I want to teleport, but I don't want to attack Cecil just yet. Um... Are you going to get hostage? Yeah, yeah, yes, something along those lines. The problem is it specifically says basic attack. Yeah. Attack the wall. Because it's a fucking wall and then you pop an action point? I don't know what you're... Because he can't make... Are you trying for a grab? You're just trying to grab him up? Well, I was either thinking of grabbing him or just be like, "Cool your men down." Okay. That's going to be...

Okay. Because that would be an intimidate or diplomacy check. That would be an intimidate check, yeah. Yeah. And the check... The check's higher the more hit points he has? Oh, okay. Or the more men he has? Like, those are the two factors for the check? Yeah. Just like in real life, he still feels like he has cards to play, so you just stabbed him. Fuck you, I'm going to murder you. Okay, yeah, I will just attack him then. Okay. Okay, so can I use Amber Strik to get me combat advantage when I hit him? And then Shadowy Tendrils, which is an encounter shadow teleportation.

Teleport up to five squares and make a melee basic attack. Okay. You're going to get a plus two because he's prone? Okay. Hit. Oh, fuck. That'll totally be a hit. So you're going to stab down at Cecil. Okay. I'm avoiding anything vital. Okay. He'll appreciate that. I'm glad. Okay, so... Still stabbing him with a weapon of cord, but sure. Well, yeah. Okay, so 17. 17 damage. And Sneak, which is somewhere I haven't used it in a while. 28. And eight damage. Eight damage. Okay. Oh, man. Thug number five. Going to walk right up to Valis. No, actually, you know what? He's not.

Thug number five is going to take out a crossbow and shoot at Valis. And that will hit. So from just over Valis' shoulder, this thug is going to fire a crossbow bolt right into Valis' back. We're kind of center-mast in the back. So you can kind of hear, like, he's going to kind of jerk forward, and that's obviously causing him some pain. Thug number two. Thug number two is going to move towards Fi and use his war hammer. And, ooh, almost a crit. And nine damage. Jatzia, your turn. Okay. First I'm going to move one, two, three, four, five, six. I'm going to curse number six just because, because I can.

And then I will use Infernal Moon Curse on Cecil. Boop. Okay. Boop. That's the noise it makes. Boop. Miss. Wow. Fuck that. All right, I use my miner. Yep, I'm done. Oona? Okay, so I tend to do better with Intimidate than I do Diplomacy. I've got, like, a higher check for Intimidate, or a plus for Intimidate. And I've also got a lot of powers that help me intimidate people. Okay. So, can I, do I get a plus again if I use my Wind Step to float and become a fucking avatar of Kord? Yeah, I'm going to give you the plus too, just because you're eating up an encounter power.

You're taking that as your standard action. It's a miner action. Yeah, but you're doing the Intimidate. Yeah. That's your, yeah. Okay. Cool. Let me check that out. I imagine you're mostly targeting Cecil. Yeah, yeah, mostly him. Okay, let's, how do I do a plus to my roll? Is calculated an afterword? Yeah, just calculated an afterword. Okay, cool. Fuck tits! Okay, at least it's 24 because I got a plus too. What the fucking shit fucks though? Can I say stuff? Sure, I would encourage you to say stuff. Okay. Maybe not fuck tits, but I mean... Just yell, "Fuck tits!" Okay.

Is that a command? Just give me a pair. I want you to crit, well, crit miss one of these one time and you just start accidentally doing somersaults in the air. Oh god, oh god. Oh, I feel sick. Oh god. Just throwing up. Okay, I could write the fucking lightning wind shit and just say, "Everyone calm the fuck down! Cecil, call up your fucking men!" Let me see, 24, okay. Everyone's just kind of like, kind of like, definitely batting an eye. They're all kind of involved in what they're doing, but like, oh shit, like just kind of the flying in the bar and shit.

Cecil is prone. He has been stabbed a couple of times. He, Fee did quite a number on him actually. Cecil, not a tough guy. Gonna level with you. So Cecil's going to kind of assess the situation and then after a couple of seconds he's going to raise the hand that was not stabbed and wave his men off. Oh thank god. Thank the lord. Jesus Christ, I was so worried we'd have to kill everyone. I mean, not that worried, but pretty worried. And Cecil's gonna start trying to stand up. And Bree's actually going to motion over and try to support like underneath of him.

And, and, Cecil is almost as small as Bree. Cecil's kind of a runty guy, not real big, so she can actually help him up to his feet. And he's gonna sit back down in his chair. And like everyone's kind of like putting their weapons away but really confused about it and like, okay, why aren't we killing them? Why aren't we, they, that's kind of what we're paid to do. They assaulted you and that's, and Bree's kind of going to look over to Una and just kind of like down to his hand like, do you want to please? I'm gonna walk over and then take his hand and then kind of like look at Bree and like point towards the bar just like, just go.

Like a dog will peed on the carpet. Outside. Bad. Poor baby. She's trying so hard. She's, she's just kind of kind of look dejected just like, fuck. Like just like, she knows she fucked up. Like it was totally her fault, but it's like, man, that sucks. So she's just kind of, she's going to stand up and just kind of walk over towards where Valus and just kind of walk past Valus towards the bar. I'm picturing it to both sides. You're like such an asshole. It's the Therian walk of shame, really. It's just the Hulk music in the background. She slowly turns around, starts trying to hitchhike.

And she's gonna, she's gonna like, as she's walking past Valus, she's just kind of like, just kind of like motions like, come on over here. Just, just, just like, cause Valus is still very much staring at this fucking, this dwarf like who, who hit him in the face with a hammer. And after a couple of seconds, Valus is just kind of like, he's going to turn, but he's doing so in a way where he can kind of shoulder bump this, this dwarf just a tiny bit. Like dude, teenagers who got in a fight. Right. Just kind of just like, more like a hip bump. Kind of, yeah.

Little half twerk. Bump him off the side. So him and Brier just kind of kind of motion over towards, towards the bar, which leaves Una and Fi, I guess, to talk to Cecil. Yeah, I'll lay on hands then heal his hand. Yeah, not, not to interrupt, but well, to actually interrupt, I think, you know, Valus has a crossbow bolt sticking out of his back. Oh, very much so. So, Maric's gonna, can I just do a heel check on him? Can I like sort of man-t him? Well, you'd have to, yeah, you'd have to remove the bolt first and then... Yeah, can I tend to him? Like, I don't know.

Yes, absolutely. Would that be a particular check? Roll an athletic check for me. Other than heel? I mean, it shouldn't, it's not going to be, yeah. You hammer the bolt in further? Unless you cring him. Paralyzing him. Oh no, he's in a wheelchair for... Yeah, what I was going to do, I interrupted you and you were about to do a thing with, with Una and Fi and, and Cecil. Then things got mean and then funny. No, all I was going to do is I realized Valis is coming over and he does have a crossbow bolt sticking out of his back. And I felt like, well, I got to do something about this and like, kind of like, hey, you got something on your, your shoulder there and just yank it out.

Because he may not actually realize it stuck in him. Yeah, a little strikey. Oh, he realizes it's more just like I can't. There's an arrow in your butt. So, athletics? Do you get this thing? Yep, roll an athletics. Yep. This should work. Yeah, 22. Okay, yeah, you're going to pull that out and it's like, you're going to just kind of like grunt, of course. And then, and then you got him heel, heels wise. Okay. How would you like to handle this with Cecil? Okay. I healed his hand. Okay. Yes, you totally did. And I'm going to say, I am very sorry about that. She's a little feisty.

And she, he's going to kind of look across the bar at, at Bree. The bartender, by the way, has fucking fled. Just kind of like scooted around, like into one of the back rooms, just kind of like, you can see him kind of like peer around, just kind of like, is it over? Are we, are we not fighting anymore? And he's going to kind of like scope out Bree. Yeah, she's definitely one of your friends. Right. So we good? I mean, some damage was done. Some damage was undone. Let's just kind of move past that little indiscretion. He's, he's looking at his man again. Yeah, we're fine.

Cool. Do people in there say cool? Yeah. Okay. Sure. Cool. We're making up cannon for it. Chill, brah. No, no, kill it with fire. Okay, she's going to say, so about those guards, I was explaining that it's really in your best interest to tell us because shit's going to go down and we can keep you out of that shit. You're going to look for a man named Jonathan Glenn. Of the guards we've spoken to, he's the most receptive to financial persuasion, let's call it. If anyone is going to be plugged into what exactly Marash is doing, it's going to be him. That is very helpful.

Thank you. I appreciate it. If you need anything, feel free to come and talk to us because I have a feeling that our protection and friendship is going to be a very rare coin in these parts and it's one that I am extending to you now. Let me ask you a question. Do you really think you can take on the great cloaks? I'm going to lean in really close and just say, I don't know if I can, but I am either fucking crazy or fucking brave enough to try and take on anyone and so far, I've destroyed anything that got in my way. Where would you put your money? Roll a diplomacy check for me.

God, my fucking rolls, they're terrible. 25, fuck. 25 is not terrible. That's bad for my, you know. What, your usual 83 or whatever the fuck you roll? Yeah. Cecil's going to think this over for a second. How would you feel about a partnership? And then he holds it as a temporary partnership. I'm going to look over at Fee. I think Fee has an idea about criminal relations more than I do. Yeah, Fee looks over at Cecil and is like, what are you considering? We both work. We both work together to get rid of Marish. We drive out the great cloaks and then whatever happens after that happens.

You don't like them, we don't like them. We work together, maybe we can get them out. You stop greasing up the town guards and it's a deal. Roll a diplomacy check for me. *fart noise* Okay, that wasn't... I just farted. I opened my mouth and just farted so much that it overwhelmed what I was actually speaking. Firstly, that's disgusting. The whole farting out of your mouth. That's not what actually happened. No. That violates anatomy. That one, you can kind of tell, you can see the look on his face like that. That's kind of a bridge too far. I kind of need Jonathan for just a little while longer.

If you give me about a week, maybe I can cut him loose. Umm... Okay. Can I intimidate? You can, sure. Okay, I'm going to put my hand on the hammer and say, "Look, when I said shit is going to go down, I meant it. The guard is not going to be of any use to you very soon. It's much better if you just agree to not have any dealings with them right now. Much better." And I do date him. Twenty-eight. Slightly better. Umm... Cecil's eyes are going to kind of glance down to Una's hammer. And then kind of back up in her eyes. "Fine. We'll just have to be a bit more resourceful.

We won't contact him anymore." And unless you have anything to say to him, he is going to rally his men and kind of leave this pub. Okay. I feel like we should apologize to the bartender, maybe? For making a ruckus. Maybe toss a couple of shekels. Anybody have shekels? Oh, wait. Didn't we loot some... Yeah, we looted Marcus's body. We have a couple coins. We do. We have like twenty. Thirty. You pulled thirty off of him. Oh my god. Thirty coins, guys. This is more gold than I've ever seen. Okay. So you're going to toss him a couple of coins, I imagine. Just like, "Sorry about that." Like, nothing really got destroyed.

Sorry. Won't happen again. It's not like you drove out legit customers. Regarding the thirty gold that I got off of Marcus's body, Fee would have pocketed that straight off. But if anyone from the group had asked him about it, he would have shared it. As long as that bartender got his shekels, I don't really care. Okay. Cool. Was it two? Two gold? Totally up to you. Whatever you want to... Okay, I will... Two fake gold pieces. They're actually chocolate money. I love chocolate money. The bartender's like, "This is worth so much chocolate does not exist in Theria." Was chocolate not exist in Theria?

God, this place sucks. It really is hell. Yeah, that's what proves it right there. Wait, what? Chocolate does not exist. Oh god, no. I'm tweeting this. Darkest time. How is Merrick making his mole sauce for his enchiladas he's making for dinner? Oh my god. I love Merrick. I like having a mommy. How long is it going to take to make a goddamn mole? Be careful. All of our mother figures end up hanging. So watch yourself. No, no, no. No, I'll be careful. Okay, so you guys have cleared out of this bar. You've kind of got to lead now. You know who you're looking for. You know what you're looking for.

So let me ask you a question. Are you going after Jonathan or are you going after Marish? Jonathan. Okay. Do me a favor and roll a Streetwise check. Everybody? Let's say Fi. Let's say you're... Okay. Let's say you're kind of like, "No, this is your thing." Fi knows criminal elements, so... I have a plus 14 to Streetwise. I know, but let Fi have a roll or two, is... Okay, so Streetwise... 14. Maybe you shouldn't have let Fi have a roll. Alright. I did grow up in the city. I know, I know. So my roll is his bonus to her. So you kind of let Fi take the reins. It's like, "Oh yeah, maybe Fi's like, 'Okay, I got this.'" And you check out a few places before you finally find where Jonathan actually is.

So it takes you a while. Like, you're eating up a bit of time instead of, you know... Maybe Una should have just like, "Hey, I think I probably know." But you're kind of like relying on Fi to... The entire time you're walking around town, Brie is not keeping her distance from Una, but it's very much like there's... Where normally she's sidled right up next to her, there's this space. Where it's just noticeable. It's like she's not walking directly next to Una. It's just kind of like she's kind of sullen keeping to herself, didn't say anything. Can I pull her aside before we go into wherever Jonathan is?

Sure. Are we doing that now? Sure. That's as good a time as any if you want. Okay. I'm going to pull her and Merrick aside. And... To Brie first, just like, "Look, okay, I dig it. That's totally awesome, what you were going for. But let's not lie to ourselves. You fucked it up pretty hard. Maybe tone it back a little bit and sit this one out. Just maybe. I'm not trying to be a dick, but that kind of shat on us a little bit. She was with you all the way up until sit this one out. Of course. Okay, so as soon as you say maybe sit this one out, she's... Okay, look, I screwed up.

I'm not debating it. I don't want to argue, but I'm not sitting anything out. Look, I can still be useful, I just need a little more practice. And I'm not used to reaching for a weapon when I really want to get to one. I get you. I don't mean sit it out. I don't mean go back to the house. I just mean maybe... I promise I won't stab anyone until there's someone who we're supposed to be stabbing, I guess. *sigh* I said I wouldn't stab anyone. I don't... And then she kind of like, she kind of looks to Merrick. I don't know what I said that was wrong. Merrick will jump in.

She's fine. He's going to sort of try to diffuse the situation a little bit. He's looking at it. She's fine. She's green. The best bet right now is for us to be able to find the best ways to get into this criminal underground. Whatever we can find about the Grey Cloaks, about bribes and guards. She's fine. Right? He's going to look straight in her eyes. And yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Okay. Okay, fine. Merrick, I'd like you to be helping with this one. This guy is a guard. He might associate with you better than me. Uh... Yeah. You're kind of a good guy. I try. Um, Bree? No stabbing.

And just kind of like grin like, "I'm fucking with you. It's fine." She's going to start looking offended. It's like, "Oh, okay. You're joking." It's like, "Look, I just fucking said..." Okay, okay. Just kind of like catch yourself. All right. You... It would appear as though you've tracked Jonathan down to this alley. That is the last you've kind of asked around town. And you... Like the last known whereabouts where he was in this section of town. And then you asked like a local vendor. It's like, "Have you seen this?" "Oh yeah, he just ducked around the back of this building." So, um, everyone would do me a favor and place their characters right here-ish.

So, uh, if everyone would do me a favor and roll a perception check for me, please. 32. Crit one. 15. Yep. 27. Okay. Crit miss. Crit is perceptive. Uh, Oona and Kaluna. Sounds like a children's question. Um, are both going to... As you're rounding this corner, you're going to hear this really deep, kind of guttural voice. Um, and then as you're rounding this corner, both Oona and Kaluna are going to spot this humongous dragonborn. Almost as wide as he is tall. Just looming over this human. Just looming over this guy. Uh, and from what you can see, it looks very much like this guy is either being shaken down or intimidated in some fashion.

But this dragonborn, you can overhear him. He is very much threatening, this guy. And from the description you were given, that would appear to be Jonathan. Um, let's... Okay, yes, Jadzia. That's... or, Bree, sorry. That's totally okay, we should listen for incriminating shit, and we should say "You're under arrest!" and fucking attack him. Sounds good, let's... So you're going to motion to all of us like "Shh, fuck off." Yeah, like "Shh, everybody lay low." Not stealth, because we're not moving, just don't move. Listen. Cool beans. Okay. Okay, so do me a favor, Oona, roll a perception check for me please.

I just did. I would not roll another, because now you're listening in. 29. Okay, 29. Um, it would appear as though that Marash is, let's call it "negotiating" with Jonathan about his dealings with the lesser criminals of Esterhold. And what he's essentially saying is that ends now. No more dealings with guys like Cecil, no more taking bribes, no more... no more of it. And then, this isn't so much him telling, like "Look, you need to knock that off." He's telling him "No, that ends right now." And then Marash is going to reach for the hilt of his scimitar.

And he is going to draw this out. And Jonathan looks terrified. Absolutely terrified. And Marash is going to kind of continue on with this, like it's intimidating, but at the same time he's telling him that there's just no place for people like him. He doesn't have any honor, he isn't a guard or a thief, he doesn't have a place. And he is going to get ready and plunge this scimitar into Jonathan's chest. Cool, let's attack him. Because he just murdered an official. Doesn't matter if the official was corrupt or not, he just murdered one. Okay. Should we stop?

Yeah, let's maybe jump up and say "You're under arrest!" and attack. "You're under arrest!" "This is going on just long enough." Because maybe then if Jonathan is super thankful, he'll give us a bunch of information, and yeah. Wait, the guy who just got stabbed in the chest? No, he's not stabbed yet. He's about to be. No, he's very- I heard the word "sunk." Oh, oh, okay. Just kidding. I played this in that dude's chest. Is it a coup de grace sort of thing, as in he's like dead, or is he like- Jonathan was pretty much terrified and defenseless, so this is Jonathan would appear to be dead now.

Okay. And as he's- it goes straight into his chest, and Marish is large enough that- Marish is close to eight feet tall, you would estimate. That's pretty fucking big for a dragonborn. And he's just looming over, and he gets face to face with the guy as he's stabbing him, and as Jonathan kind of sinks to the ground, Marish kind of almost bends over and follows him. Brokes. Constantly pushing down on the blade, constantly just bearing down pressure, and then he kind of jerks it out in one motion. Okay, let's jump out. You're under arrest, fucker! Okay. Something about Una saying you're under arrest when we all know we're probably gonna kill this guy is just funny.

Okay, okay. So we aim to damage him enough that we can like knock him out or some shit. Yeah. Because we want to arrest him and drag him in for questioning. We don't want to kill him. No, that's a bad start for our little troop in Astrons. Yeah, we arrest him, we take him in. Deal. That's the dealios. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let me describe this alley to you. So, let's take Jonathan off the- Jonathan's not an issue. Oops. Yeah. Bye Jonathan. Bye. His last- So there are kind of crates and such in this alley. Kind of cluttered, kind of an enclosed space. In the center of the thing there appears to be this- just kind of a turned over old door up on some wood blocks.

Like someone may have been sanding it or something like that. But it kind of makes like a table. Like it looks like scumbags in the alley might be playing cards on it every once in a while or something. Very, very just a shady little spot. Like a meeting place for scumbags. Your classic scumbag meeting place. The layout is exactly the same as every scumbag meeting place you've ever seen in any movie. Yes, exactly. Let's- let's- oh wow. Okay, let's add- let's add Bree and Valis and all of you guys to the initiative tracker. So you're going to have to watch each other because this is a tight space.

So let's add the party. Okay, you guys go ahead and roll initiative. You get in there twice, remember to do that? Yep. Hey, 20. 32, holy shit. Oh, it's a crit. Also a crit. Nice. Yep, so I've got- I've got this double initiative thing where I can roll twice for initiative. So I rolled 12 in the initiative tracker, but then I rolled a 20 below. Okay, so it's a 20. Okay, got it. I'm editing that now. Do you not have an initiative bonus? Plus five, so that's 25. Do I? I do. It's half your level if you don't have anything special tacked onto it. Well then yes, I do have a initiative bonus of plus five.

Thanks. So let's add that. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to give- before this fight were to start, you have the drop on him. He didn't know you were there. I'm going to give you one chance if you would like to kind of try and talk the guy down or something. Totally up to you. Totally free? We don't like- can we spend our surprise round moving and surrounding him? You watch that guard die, so that was the end of your surprise. That was pretty much like, okay, you stood there and then you decided to scream. Okay, but I could roll a diplomacy or some shit?

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm giving you one shot to try and- to try and- yeah. Okay. You'd pretty much have to get face to face with him, but yeah. So I have to move up and diplomacy? Yep. Can I get people to come with me and assist? Can I do my shadowy tendrils first as my surprise type thing? Well, that's the thing. The surprise thing's over. This isn't really a surprise thing. This is like your- okay, this is a portion of the- okay. You guys have the law on your side. What I'm giving you is a chance to make a case for that. Like, you're under arrest, but like, okay, you're not town guard.

Like, you're not dressed like town guard. You're wearing black dragon scale armor, half of you are, and fuck it, like, you don't look like town guard. So I'm giving you the opportunity to say, basically, you're under arrest, and then you're approaching him, and then see if you can take him into custody. Okay, who's got the second best diplomacy? That would be Valis. No, no. Oh god, don't tell me it's Valis. What's Valis? I have a plus six. Oh wow, Marek. Plus thirteen. Fuck yeah, okay. Marek and I, we should walk up to him, or run up to him, and can I roll and can Marek assist?

Yeah, I'd allow that. Cool. Okay, Marek? Yep, is that just a flat twenty to assist, or? Yes. Oh, then anyone could have done that, I guess. Yeah, we- yeah. Fuck, whatever. It works better for roleplay. Okay, you wanna run up on next to me there, Marek? Oh yeah, sorry about that. No, no worries. Stand on the stairs, so you seem a little bit taller. Okay, um, I'm gonna... Um, I say something and then I roll, or I roll and then I say something, I forget. Uh, go ahead. No problem. Go ahead and make your speech first, and then roll. Okay, um, uh, Una is gonna say, um, "We just witnessed you kill an official of the town.

We have been deputized by Marek Heller. You are under arrest. Please surrender." Please surrender. Diplomacy... thirty-four. You wanna roll and see if you assist there? Oh, nope. Okay. Um, yeah, that's totally- oh, okay, yeah, you rolled a five. Yeah, that's totally not assisting. Uh, thirty-four. Um, Marek's just gonna kind of step to Una, and, um, how tall is Una? Just to kind of paint a picture for everyone? Uh, Una is five eleven. Okay. So again, approaching eight feet, so he's kind of looming over Una. She's gonna stick her chin out like, "I don't give a fuck," face him down kind of thing, even though he's like almost two feet taller than she is.

Yeah, and he's gonna- he's just kind of like assessing Una for a while, and, um, not really paying much attention to Marek. What a dick. Would Marek have had any chance on his way up into those stairs to, uh, to ready a weapon of any sort? Like, just to be a little bit more menacing? Um, I would say based on your assist roll, no. Okay, great. Not with a five. In fact, the teddy bear in his pocket fell out on his way. Just a string of napkins tied together like a clown. Fall out. My binky, no. Um, yeah, Marek is just going to assess Una and then just kind of... just- he's growling at Una.

Can I growl back? Um, sure. Okay, just, "Uhhhhh..." Um, do me a favor, roll an intimidate check. *laughs* 30. Okay. That was more of like, I'm mocking him, but alright. Intimidate is cool. Okay, I tell you, just, okay. Um, Marek's just going to use something called Brutal Kick. What a dick! *laughs* 33 is going to hit your fort. Okay. Um, so here's what's going to happen. Okay. What a cunt. So, you tell him he's under arrest. He's just kind of standing there in this alley, uh, alone, apparently. Uh, he had just murdered a town guard. Um, and he does not appear to be taking you seriously whatsoever.

So, um, in an effort to kind of like flex chest muscle, just like, fuck you, just like, and then you growl back at him. *laughs* He's going to lean back and just plant his boot right in the center mass of Una's chest. And knock Una back three spaces. Just clean back. Back diagonally? Because then I'm going to hit Bree. Or, nope, I'm not, I lied. You're gonna, yeah, you're just gonna fall back here. Um, and Una's gonna fall prone. Um, he's gonna, yeah, he's gonna kick Una clean out of this alley. Like, that's how hard he kicks her. Um, and then he's just gonna look over at Maric.

So, uh, everyone's rolled initiative. Fee, your turn. Thank you, thank you. Um, okay, so, um, let's see what we can do here. Uh, okay, so, ambush trick. Uh, move up to my speed. Four, five. Um, and then I'm gonna use Shadowy Tendrils again. Teleport five squares, make a basic attack. Um, you teleport up to five squares, then make a basic attack. You teleport one target hit by the attack up to three squares. And it stays until the end of your next turn. So, that would get me, uh, over there. And, you know, basic. And I have combat advantage. Uh, oh, it comes with the attack.

Okay, sorry. Uh, it came with, uh, ambush. Yes, gotcha. Okay, that is gonna miss though. I missed, yep. Maric, your turn. Okay, I, uh, so I've got something I wanna try, but it's gonna mean I have to use it daily. This is gonna be our boss fight, dude. I would just use it. Yeah, here's, okay, here's what I'm gonna do. Um, so I've got something called Dismissal. And I think this is gonna be partly, partly to intimidate this asshole, because he's, if he's, if this is who he is, and he's trying to, to be the top of the criminal food chain, then we need to make a big stand right up front.

So here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna cast Dismissal on him. Uh, what's gonna happen, and this is where I, I kinda, I don't know if I can explain this, but if it would make any sense to, to yell this or something while I'm doing it or as another part of the action. But what I can do is make him disappear into an extra-planar prison. He basically just winks out of existence. Um, but it only lasts for a little while. And so what I, what I wanna be able to do is make him wink out of existence. Um, and then everybody crowd around him, because he will reappear in the same place that he is right now after a little bit of time.

And so if you can imagine, he would just disappear. He'd kinda be in this, like, what, what's going on? Like a darkness or something, and then reappear, and we're all standing around him with our weapons drawn. I love you. Okay, so I'm gonna try this. Here's the best part about this. It even works on a miss. Okay, so I'm gonna attack. So wait, do I have to, uh, you know what, this is actually my first battle. Wow. What a fucking badass. And I'm using a dismissal. So wait, I, I'm sorry about the tabletop thing. Do I click on him first or do I do the attack first?

Yeah, um, you, you click attack, like you click the, the blue dice for attack, and then click on your target, which would be Marash. All right. That'd be a miss. That's a miss, but on a miss, um, the target disappears into an extra-planar prison until the end of my next turn. So everybody still has a chance to get back around to me. The target then reappears in its original space. If the space is occupied, which it won't be, the target returns to the nearest unoccupied space. So the deal is we could actually get in his way, and if there's a place that he could appear that would be kind of up against that wall, maybe where those wine bottles are or something like that, we could actually, you see what I'm saying, like we could crowd around and actually get in the space where he used to be, and then he would push, he would be in the space, the most, the closest unoccupied space.

So he'd be right up against the wall, and we'd be all facing him with our swords and everything drawn. Um, can I put a pig there instead of me in case he decides to get violent? Sure. In case he, yeah, he may. He seems, I don't know. I get that vibe from him, you know? My chest, I have a feeling in my chest. Pshah! It's a bit unpredictable. Um, that's a good spot, yeah. On the table? Yeah, it's a nice spot. Okay. Okay. Uh, Valus. Uh, let's see, Valus is going to, uh, kind of saddle up next to Marek. Uh, then Marash's turn. He doesn't get a turn, I guess. He just kind of blinks out of existence.

Oona! Okay, um, I'm going to use my move to stand up and then my standard to run over next to Fie. Is there kind of a reaction to being, like, punted out of this alley? Um, just stand up and go, "Fuck her!" Uh, Fie, your turn. Um, I, uh, I'm not going to do anything. There's not really anything for me to do. Okay. Uh, Jatzia. Okey-dokey. I'm gonna... Oh, wait, it might be a good idea to pop, like, a defensive thing. I don't know if you can. Um... If he has something that'll last to the end of your next turn, that might be a good... I don't know. Actually, you're before him, so just kidding.

It wouldn't matter. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I am going to... Actually, that was my move action. Can I also activate Prophecy of Doom? What does that do? You or an ally who hits the target with an attack can choose to make the attack a critical hit. This effect lasts until the end of your next turn, or until you or an ally uses it to make an attack a critical hit. Oh, no. Glorious! Glorious! Who are you handing that to? Oh, one second. He's gonna pop back into existence. Um... I'm gonna give it to Una. Oh, okay. Thank you! I love you so much! Oh, wait. No, sorry. Does he pop back into existence as soon as Marek is...?

It's just after his turn. Okay, so that's actually... I should give it to Kaluna, then. Wait, is it? Hold on. Let me read this. Or Valis, because Valis probably hits harder. No offense, Kaluna. I think you're a... He pops back under Marek. I have some stuff that does really damage. He pops back after Marek. Yeah. Okay, so he'll be... Yeah. I can do over a hundred damage. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Una can do over a hundred damage, and usually controllers don't hit very hard. They do a lot of stuff. Like, shamans can do shit, but they don't hit hard. Oh, please, oh, please.

I can do like a hundred and... Oh, God. I'm getting... If I were a dude, I would have a boner about how much damage I can do to this guy. You know, I don't think that it says that I have to pick when it happens. I think I just get to choose... Like, oh, I want that to be a critical hit. I don't think I have to say, "Una gets a critical hit next turn." I think it's... I changed my mind. That's a critical. Prophecy of Doom. That was awesome. Thank you. I think I gotta find it again. Can we meet somebody who just talks like that? Or whatnot. You please put an NPC in there and just...

That's all they do is speak like a motherfucking... Reginald! Like, his name is Reginald. That's it. That's a thing right now. Is there a cigar shop in Esterhold? 'Cause that's pretty... There's cigars but no chocolate? What the fuck is wrong with you? There are no chocolate cigars. Um, what I'm saying is that chocolate doesn't exist. I'm not saying that you can't invent chocolate. So guys, we're gonna invent chocolate. No. We're gonna grow cocoa beans off of Kaluna. That's what we're gonna do. One second. Maybe Prophecy of... Was I looking at someone else when I activated Prophecy of Doom?

I was. Marek, that's your power. You know, I was actually gonna say, "Oh, I have that one too." And I was gonna use that too, but you know what? Maybe not. I'm used to only looking at only my stuff. And I was like, "Oh, that must be new." Marek should totally use that. Yeah, right before he pops back into existence. Do that. Right before he pops back into existence, please use that. So we can fucking kill the fuck out of him. That was on my list. I was looking for the counterpart to Jesse. It's my corner horse. I was looking for my stuff and I was like, "I just activated it.

What's going on?" 'Cause I'm never really looking at other people very often. I was about to say, the one thing that's like, "Why the fuck haven't you used that before?" I thought it was new. I thought it was my thing that came with my Paragon. I thought you did have something that turned something into a crit. Duncan does. Oh. In that fight with the... I have a power I can't use yet. We'll get there. Ooh, that's a good list, Fi. We should keep that. I mean, cap. Sorry. We always do that. Bree's turn. She is going to walk on over and stand next to Fi and Pig. Fi, your turn.

Can't fail to do anything. Nope. Marek, your turn. Yep. So, yeah, I think Prophecy of Doom is the way to go. So, again, somebody's going to get a crit. And I'm also going to move right up next to where he's going to reappear. Okay. Kaluna, your turn. Can't really do anything. Nope. Valus, same thing. Wait, didn't he just come back? Oh, wait, shit. I thought we just fixed this up that he was going to come back before Kaluna's turn. I'm sorry. Boom. He's back. Kaluna, now it is your turn. Should I just pass it along to someone? Oh, you can hit him. Yeah. Okay, I'll hit him things.

What thing do I want to hit him with? Do I want to hit him really, really hard? Is that the goal here? Yes. We're not trying to kill him, but we're trying to incapacitate him. I was just looking at a thing. That's not the thing. Two seconds. Two seconds. Here we go. I'm going to use Spirit Hunt. You gain a +2 power bonus to the attack roll if no creatures... Oh, wait, no. I lied about that part. But I'm going to use it anyway. Okay. If I can do things correctly. There we go. That is going to miss. Fuck you. And that'll do it. Okay. Man, Valus is completely fucked here.

He can't do anything. He can move up to next to Una. He can... Yeah, I guess he's going to have to kind of like... ascend these stairs and kind of like leap over the side. And it's not very high up. So he's just going to like drop down and just kind of like pump. Just like a big thud as he lands. Hardcore. Hardcore parkour. I guess. Fuck it, let's do daily. Let's try a daily here. From Hell's Heart on Marash. Oof, that is going to miss. That's what happens when you roll a 2. Action point. Yeah, fuck it. Action point. Let's do that. Should we even try for Twist the Knife?

Yeah, fuck it. Let's try Twist the Knife. That is a crit. Glorious. Beautiful. Let's try it again. Prophecy of Doom crit. That is going to miss. Yeah. So damage is... 21 damage. Okay, so 21 damage to Marash. Marash's turn. Fuck you, Marash. Well, okay. This... Ooh, I hope he doesn't have any re-effect powers. You said... What did you say happened to him? He's dazed? No, he's fine. It was only on a hit. Oh, that was it. He just pops back and he might be... I imagine he would be a little confused, but he's not under any sort of negative bonus. Right, so he's going to blink out of existence, blink back in, and you can see that jars him for just a second, and he's completely surrounded.

And he's going to take his Scimitar. And with one clean hit, and with one clean swing, he's going to swing all the way around with this thing. Yeah, that's what I fucking thought. What an idiot. Well, we're the ones who surrounded him when we knew that he had a weapon that worked that way. Yeah, but still. We're stupid. Let's start with Una. It's because you stood back, guys. That'll hit Una. Okay. That'll hit Valus. That'll hit Marek. That'll hit Jadzia. That'll hit Pig. That'll hit Brianna. You know there was no point in him rolling for me because his plus is more than my AC.

That'll hit Fi. Let's do damage. Oh, I had a question. Yes? You know how I have that Elven armor? Yes. Was that a one-time thing where it sucks a hell of damage? No. Oh, okay. Cool. That is the armor. That is what it does. Right. Cool. Before I roll damage, you can choose right now if you'd like to just take half. Yeah, I think I'll do that. Okay. Okay, so you're gonna take half damage from this. Everyone else is gonna take 22 damage. You're gonna take 11. Well, bye, Pig. That was me, so... Can I pop Marder's Blessing so that I take Fi's damage and half of my damage?

I believe you can do that. Let me double check the power real quick. Cool. They have to be adjacent to me. Adjacent. Be adjacent. Yeah, Vals can take it. So, immediate interrupt, close burst one, trigger an adjacent ally's hit with a melee basic. Yep, so you can totally do that. Okay, so I'll take 33 damage. Thank you. And I think when a Shaman's Animal is dispersed, I think she takes damage. Yeah, is half my level six or five? Five. You always round down. Okay, cool. So, you are going to take half damage. Mm-hmm. I'll take 33 total. Yeah. Boom, Fi takes nothing. Maric is going to take 22.

Vallas will take 22. Okay, so, Maric is going to pop an action point. Cocks. Son of a bitch. Actually, you know what? As his movement he is going to pop combat roll. And he is going to make a dive for right here. Then he's going to pop an action point. And he is going to use Dragon's Breath. I presume nobody gets Attack of Opportunity on that. No, because it's a combat roll. He shifts. Fair enough. Up to three squares. Yeah, so that's like he has combat training. Anybody have any media interrupts? Let's fuck this bitch up. Only for defense or only for healing. Is it possible for me in the middle of all this to activate my cloak, which gives me a little bit of resistance to fire?

I think that has to be done on your turn. On my turn? Okay. Let's see, hold on a second. Let's see what it says. Property game item bonus. Oh, that just is. Okay, I didn't know if it was a thing I needed to sort of Yeah, that's totally persistent. So yeah. You're going to thank that cloak in a second. Let's see here. Dragon's Breath. So this will be against Jatzia, Merrick, Valis, and Una. So let's roll down the line. Jatzia, that will hit. Merrick, that'll hit. Valis, that will hit. And Una, that'll hit. I just want to say he hit me with a two. Yep, bummer. Okay. So let's do Jatzia first. 20 damage.

What do you get? A five resist, right? That's right. So you're taking 15, Merrick. Okay. 15 damage. Valis is only going to take 11 damage? No, nine damage. He's going to take nine damage because Tiefling Fire Resistance. And Una is going to take 20 damage. That'll bloody Una. And Una, your turn. Okay, Merrick, maybe we should use that crit. Okay, move action. Just sprint on up to that little cunt. Merrick, do we want to use that crit? Because I have a thing that can do a lot of damage. Use the crit. Use the crit. Yeah, it's up to you. It's all yours. Once I cast Prophecy of Doom, it's...

Let's use that Marta's Retribution then. Here it comes, folks. Get your cameras ready. Do I even need to roll for it? It's an automatic crit. Okay, so I just roll damage. Why am I rolling it myself? Let's not do that. So, okay, here's the thing. You also get crit die. Okay, so I'm going to roll for max damage. Yeah, and then let me check. So you get to also roll... Holy shit. Okay. Jesus Christ. Okay, so you get to do max damage. You're also going to roll 3d10. Because you get a d10 for every plus, and it's a plus 3 at this point. It's not a max on all of those two, right?

You're not maxing those. You have to roll those. There's the automatic maximum damage. 85 damage. Let's roll this crit die. Plus another 21 damage. Jesus. 106 damage. And I also get something, I think. Oh, right. There it is. Let me just pull this up real quick. Real, real quick here. Where is it? Divine Strength. As a minor action, I'm going to apply my Strength modifier as extra damage. It's not that much, I don't think. Let's see. Where's my thing? I'm guessing it's a 6. Actually, I have a plus 4 in my Strength. Okay. That's not a plus 4, so 110 damage total. Jesus.

Fuck. Wait for it. Action point. I think I should probably heal myself, guys. We're trying not to get him? Yeah, you should. Yeah, that's my plan. Don't hit him again. He's going to splat. As a result of Marish being bloodied. Wait, I had an action point. Can I heal myself first? Right, your action point is an immediate reaction to your... Okay. Bye. He's going to do something called Kick and Whistle. What a dick. So he realizes... Chicken Whistle. Cunt. He realizes that he is in a bad way. You just slammed Kord's fury into his chest. And he was doing very well in this fight until that.

Like, that was... that's devastating. Just this huge clap of thunder. It's a spectacle. And it's going to take him a few seconds to get his bearings here. And he is going to raise up off of one knee. Because it brought him down to one knee. And as almost a desperate resort, he is going to try and kick Una in the chest again to get some space. Stop. Can I just say that to him? Stop. That's going to hit. 16 damage to Una. I might be able to use a little healing from you there. And she's going to fly back into these wine bottles and take another 5 damage. Ew. Can I just yell "Cunt!" As you're flying back.

Cunt! The second part of the Kick and Whistle is the Whistle. Which he is going to do now. Just to be a dick. It's got no plus or no benefits. No. Just... Hey, at least he's bloodied. And welcome to Dragon Age 2, everyone. Fuck this game. Oh my god. Just fly down from the fucking rafters out of nowhere. Wait, what? What the fuck? So, after he whistles... Get the fuck out of here. After he whistles... Sorry. It would appear as these... Go ahead. My mom just yelled at me because I was yelling. It's past your bedtime. And Rave's like "It's a game!" Like, she just... Fucking gamers.

So, these four drow are going to kind of flood into this alley. Now, two of them are going to leap off of the roof of a building adjacent to this alley and just kind of leap into the alley. A couple of the other ones are going to kind of like stream in from almost apparently nowhere. Okay, guys. P, your turn. Okay, okay. Okay, so should I just do standard damage or do you think that I may kill him as he's blooded? I honestly think we still need him. Because we're not aiming to kill him, we're just aiming to incapacitate, like knock him out basically, I think no matter how much damage you do, you can aim not to kill him.

Okay, okay, fair enough. Right, Jason? We've done that before. As long as you're telling me that you're going for non-lethal damage. Yeah, yeah, okay. Okay, so tactical trick will get me there. You do not provoke opportunity attacks when leaving squares adjacent to your allies. So I'm fine in that case. I also have combat advantage against any enemies that have at least one enemy adjacent to it. So I'm going to use backstab, which is a free action, which will give me plus three on my roll. So melee basic plus three and I have combat advantage, so plus five.

That's a hit. That'll hit. Nice. So first off we have melee basic damage, which is 16. We have sneak attack damage, which I looked up, which is 3.8, which is 14. And we have backstab, which is 2.6, which is eight. Okay, gorgeous. And that is my turn. Alright, that was a hell of a turn. I'm concerned. Ooh, you know what would help if I added these guys to the initiative tracker? How about it? No. Nah. No? Let us finish this round, you know? Oh, I didn't know they were real. I thought they were just... Yeah. They're just there with popcorn and some like cotton candy just to watch.

Yeah. Yeah, kick the shit out of him. We hate him. Jesse, your turn. That guy owes us money. Is one of these my dad? I am going to use Iron Spike of Dis. Ooh. Dis. First I'm going to curse him. I'm going to curse this motherfucker. I'm going to Wicked Dis him. Yeah. Iron Spike of Deez Nuts. Iron Spike of Yo Mama. I think something changed in the Warlike Curse. Oh, I get another 1d6 when I hit. And then I am going to use Dis Spike. Miss. Fuck that shit. I am going to use Heroic Effort Tad 4. That'll still miss. Are you fucking kidding me? His reflex? Yes. The guy who just artfully combat dodged out of like a pack of you?

Oh yeah, I guess I thought Dragonborn. Yeah, this guy's a little... Don't you have that lucky rabbit split? I do. Do you want to spring it now? Yeah. 14. So 27. That's one more than I just got, so probably not. Okay, so that's not the rabbit's foot. Oh sorry, I meant Dark One's on Luck. Yeah, okay, so that's a miss. Now I'm going to use the rabbit's foot. Fuck this. Lucky charm. I roll another d6. Hey, I did get one more point. Probably soon. Five more. That'll hit. Fucking hit him. Because that's a 30... Yeah, you... God damn it, I fucking hit him. I don't like missing.

I can see this. Okay. That plus... Wait, you never let me action point. 18. Hey, that did occur to me. Yeah, no, you're right. We'll slip that in, I guess. 25 damage. Okay. And also the target is immobilized. Save ends. Okay. Try that dodging shit again, motherfucker. Boom. Do you want to just save the action point for the next one, or do you want to actually slip it in? Because it's my mistake. I didn't let you. I forgot. Can I action point right now? Like, and just go down? Go ahead. Do you think he's down far enough, guys? Because I have a bunch of powers that do half damage.

If we subdue him in some way, or get him down to being unconscious, presumably his buddies here will either get out of here... Get out of here? Attack further, or... Yeah, I don't know. We can only hostage him, you know? Like, we can get him unconscious and then put a knife to his throat and be like, "We'll fucking kill him. We will. Unless you back the fuck off." You know? Okay. Do you think he's down far enough, guys? Just speculation? I think so. Okay. Let's do that then. Boop-a-doop. Which one? Let's go Thundering Smite. And attack. Not gonna hit him, but whatever half damage.

Yeah. That's a miss. Ooh, we rolled a five. But that's okay, because half damage. What the fuck? Seventeen. Seventeen fucking damage? Are you shooting me? Okay. That's six D10s. That's not great. Okay. Jett's done. Okay, Brie's turn. Please, somebody heal me. Oh, man. I got you covered. Brie. Okay. She's gonna take one of these daggers and just try and stick Marish with this. Just aim for the table. You'll get it. That's just Judsy who's making the sappy comments in the corner. Twenty-two versus... No, that's totally not gonna hit. So she's gonna try and stab at him, and Marish is just gonna dodge out of the way.

I guess she's cannon fodder. I guess that's helpful. Feet, your turn. Okey-dokey. Tactical Trick will give me Combat Advantage again. Okay, so I'm gonna be using my second Backstab and non-lethal damage again. So plus five. Fuck, that's a miss. That is everything. That I can do. Okay. Gray Cloak Enforcer number four. Okay, let's see here. He is going to... He's going to teleport right here. And he is going to use his crossbow against Merrick. That is gonna hit. Shit, Merrick. Okay, that's gonna reduce Merrick to sixteen hit points. Merrick, do me a favor and roll an Endurance check for me.

Alright. Not bad. Twenty-four. You remember what we talked about? Yeah. Okay, that's not gonna be high enough. That's fucking ominous. Oh fuck. Alright. Werewolf? Oh no. Uh... Hey, Merrick. Merrick, maybe this is something you feel have fucking told us. You fucking told us something? Fuck. You cocksucker. Oh god. Sorry. Fuck. Don't yell at me again. Let's uh... Let's do this. Merrick is going... Just don't throw all your shit looking for a werewolf. Oh fuck. Do you see it? Merrick is going to double over after this arrow strikes him, this crossbow bolt. Um, and he's gonna start panting.

You can all kind of just like, you see him go down and he's just almost like Lamaze breathing. Just kind of just like, just trying to get a hold of himself. And then you're going to see his hands that were kind of balled up into fists like outstretch. And these, his fingernails are going to be replaced with razor sharp talons. You sneaky motherfucker. Fuck. Uh, and he is going to start to metamorphosize. Um, this kind of catches everyone off guard. So what we're gonna do... Wait, did you make two different characters one that says human just so we wouldn't figure it out before we were supposed to?

That is fucking brilliant! I, I don't even... I shouldn't be excited, but I'm excited. I'm shaking so bad right now. Okay, okay, because I had my back going, can I not be distracted by this? Yeah. Uh, yeah, this is like you... Can I just be blissfully unaware, please? Can I roll a perception roll so I can get the fuck away? Well, you're gonna have to wait till your turn. I don't want to. His turn comes first. Alright, give me, give me one second. Merrick, we're kicking you out of the fucking group. Oh, why? He's so nice. He is so nice. He's a fucking werewolf. Let's just get that one minor trait.

Yeah, it's just, it's just a little thing. Get out. It's a tick, really. Leave this place. You gotta give people a chance. Yeah, really. I'm just, I'm not even, I don't even know what to say right now, so I'm just gonna stay out of it. Hey buddy, I like your new icon. So, running? How does running sound to everyone? Like, fucking running away? How's that? So, we've never had to deal with this, but here's how it is. Every turn, uh, on, on Merrick's turn, uh, he's gonna roll a d20. And it's a saving throw. If he succeeds, he gets temporary control of his character and can attack whoever he likes with his big razor sharp talons and he gets all the powers of the werewolf.

Now, if you remember on group two, they had some trouble with these. That means that that power's on your side. Now the problem is, werewolves kind of have this blood lusty thing, and they'll attack friend or foe. So if he fails, I take control of his character and attack one of you guys. Shouldn't you have to, like, roll to see if it's one of us or one of the bad guys? That's what he's doing, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, that's the, that's the saving throw. When he's, when he's not in control though. Right, but when would he actually attack you when he has control of the character?

Well, I mean, I just mean, like, like, if- But he has control, so that makes sense, but when he doesn't have control, shouldn't he attack anyone? He loses control and he can't tell the difference, yeah. Well, it'll have to be a, it'll, it'll, it'll, it'll probably be- Like, you know, if he's only surrounded by enemies, he's not gonna come and get us, is what I'm saying. Right. In this situation, he would rip my fucking throat out, but in any other situation- Or Dunsey or Valis, who were the closest, but maybe number three, like a one in twenty chance.

Yeah, this could get, you are on a tight tally. Thanks, bro. I'm so sorry. No, not you, after I've said that. No, but I'm still so sorry. Okay, I mean, you should have told us though, you know, whatevs. Well, hmm, I didn't make the character, hold on a second. No, I'm talking to, I'm talking to Jason or Justin or- I know. Sorry, too many J names, I'm sorry. His name is Jason, so yeah. Yeah, that's true, okay. Um, oh, that's right, okay, that's, it's like I didn't do anything this time. Merrick, roll a d20 for me. Hello. So, so sorry. You remember how you guys were talking about the TPK?

Yes. Okay, Merrick gets temporary control of Merrick, so. Okay. So while you're temporarily in control, I think you should run over to where we are not. Yeah, go and kill Merrick. Get Merrick down. Get Merrick? Merrick? No, sorry, sorry, I'm a rash, whatever the fuck. Claw your own fucking. So, um, your big move, and I forgot to hand you, dammit, I forgot to hand you a set of mirrors. Totally fine, we can ad hoc it. So, what you're basically, it is like a pounce and claw type of move, where you're attacking someone's fortitude, and you are trying to knock them down and then claw them, and then the other one is just a straight up, like you're trying to bite them and rend them, like you're trying to, yeah.

And then you got a standard claw thing too, which does a tremendous amount of damage. Right. I think in an effort to get from behind everyone that he doesn't want to hurt, he's gonna try to do whatever pouncing he can over people, would that be possible, and try to get in Marish's next to him, or does he need a clear line of sight to do it? You're gonna need a clear, like, yeah, you can, yeah, the pounce is like a shift-like thing. Okay. Can you use a move action? Yeah, I was gonna say, I'm just gonna run around and do it. Sure, totally. I just want to be able to ask a little bit, is there any semblance whenever Merrick's in control of this that he can gesture, that he can...

No. Yeah. You are a beast right now, you are, yeah, you get all that power, but you are, yeah, this isn't, you're not gonna be speaking to anybody, or hand signals or anything like that. Okay, so he pulls out a guitar, and he's going to... Hungry like the wolf. Yes. Can you please put that in the background? Um, you know what, no one even has any musical instruments, I still want to do that, so yes. Wait. Okay, so... Or we're gonna die. At least we'll die to good music, if you consider that good music. In the situation, sure. Now, do... Because it fits. So I'm just, I'm just moving, but I'm not sure how to attack here.

Okay, oh, yeah, so, okay, so what you're gonna do is, this is going to attack his Fortitude, so it's D20 plus 17. Okay. Plus combat advantage? Uh... You see, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to see who that was, there. Only allies? Yeah. Technically, for this turn, yes. What's the combat advantage? What's the bonus? Plus two, so, uh... D20 plus 19. Yeah. 31. 31, and that is... Uh, that'll hit his Fortitude, so you have knocked him down. Um, so, do me a favor, roll, uh, damage-wise, roll, uh... I'm never gonna, I haven't been down. We'll sort this out for next time. Yeah.

I hope there's not an extra one. That sounded mean. Yeah, thanks. Uh, 4D10 plus 5. Two. 39 damage to Marish. So, holy shit. Well, we're doing non-lethal, you know. Oh, he's not. Oh, but I guess he's a werewolf. I was just gonna say... Yeah, he's not doing non-lethal damage. But I'm in control. Remember that hostage thing? That's not gonna... You're in control in the sense that you are attacking the right person. That doesn't mean that... Shit. Okay, so, uh, 39 damage. Sorry, I distracted. Uh, yep. Um, Grey Cloak number one. So that didn't kill him? No, not quite. No, he's a tough bastard.

He got down. Ah, Jesus. Okay. Grey Cloak number one is going to jump up on this box and... You can see he's debating on whether to attack the wolf. I'm sorry, Maric. You won't let you die. Just... Ah, like he's debating. And at the last second he's going to... He is going to try and fire a bolt at Una. Just to try and pick her off. 'Cause she is obviously in rough shape. That is gonna miss her! That is the first miss of one of us in this entire battle. Even though we've missed him, like, 75 times. Kaluna, your turn. Okay. Well, um, I'm going to have to use my Miner.

Oh wait, no, I didn't do the Swift Summon last time. So I'll use Swift Summon so I have multiple Miners. Um... Uh, Jadzia needs healing so I'll put him here. So, I'm going to use... First I'm going to use Blessing of the Iron Tree or something. I'm gonna use it on Una. It's one bloodied ally in the burst, it's a close burst 5 which I can... It'll reach her, whichever one I use. And the target gains resist 5 to all damage until the end of the encounter. I love you. And then I'm going to trade down my move. And I'm going to use Healing Spirit. Miner action close burst 5.

So that, uh, you are one ally in the burst. The target can spend a Healing Surge if the target does so. One ally adjacent to your Spirit Companion other than the target regains 1d6 hit points. So Una, would you like to get a Healing Surge? Yes! And 3d6 hit points? Thank you! I also have a power where if I spend a Healing Surge I can spend another Healing Surge. There you go! Uh, that is your cloak, or your... Amulet of Life. Amulet of Life, yep. Okay, cool. So, let's just give me a set back. And then Jadzia, if you would like 1d6 hit points? I would love 1d6 hit points.

Okay. And then I get to do, uh, what is it? I get 3d6 hit points? Yes! Jesus. 7. Okay, not so great, but pretty good. So anybody want to give me any hit points? No! Yeah! And then for my, um, yeah, for my standard action I'm going to use Call to the Blood Dancers. Um, target one creature, so I'll attack this dude, uh, drow number 3. And, uh, well let's roll it first. Uh, let me use the right tools. Please hit. Thank you. That'll hit. So that's 2d10 plus Wisdom Modifier damage. And roll. And here's the fun thing. Until the end of your next turn, any ally gains a bonus to damage rolls equal to your Intelligence Modifier while adjacent to your Spirit Companion.

And, uh, until the end of my next turn, any ally can score a critical hit on a roll of 18 to 20 while adjacent to my Spirit Companion. Woo! Fuck yeah. Wow, okay, you just killed that guy firstly. You just killed that Enforcer. I'm so glad. It's my first kill, guys. Oh, did, did, did Marish or whatever his name is die? No. Okay, cool. No. Of course he didn't. Still, still not dead. Um, Valus is going to use the Kettenhund on, uh, on Enforcer number 2. God damn it. Uh, yeah, that's gonna miss. So, yeah, that's where we're at with that. Um... Marish is immobilized, so he doesn't get a turn right?

No, he's immobilized, which means he doesn't get to move. Um, yeah. Um, he also has a thing called Unstoppable Force. Um, one effect, one effect on him that includes slowed or immobilized, uh, he just shrugs that shit off once around. Cunt? I'm gonna have to second, second Breanna and say cunt? Yeah. Uh, he is going to, uh, so it's Marish's turn, he's gonna stand up. I think it may be time for him to use a daily. Please don't. Oh, because he hasn't used a daily yet! No, he's not, this isn't, this isn't going well. Oh, by the way, I should... Yeah, he's not doing well.

He's, he's, he's definitely, well, you did do fucking 120 some odd damage to him on your first attack, that's what did it. Yeah, I know. Okay. Uh, so, um, he has this aura, um, that he exudes. He is so good at combat that everyone adjacent to him grants combat advantage. Good! That's wonderful. Um, he is going, you know what, fuck, okay, uh, he is going to, uh, stab at the werewolf, um, and he is going to use, uh, chest plunge. So, he's just going to try and jam, just like he did with Jonathan, jam the scimitar into... That seems kind of familiar. Yeah, um, so, as a werewolf, it should be noted that, uh, Maric has 80 hit points.

Just for, just for funsy knowledge here, uh, that's going to hit. Um, let me clear that. I was willing to do 20 for damage. Don't want that. Uh, 30 damage. Ouchies. So you have 50 damage left, uh, if anyone wants to heal your werewolf companion, you totally can. If we heal him, will he get a plus to his save against? You have no idea at this point. Does he do the regenerating thing? Do we know? Um, that would be a check. Actually, you know what, everyone in the party, go ahead and roll a nature check. I got this, guys. Yeah. 37. Okay, I'm not even going to bother. 20.

Well, I did, and I got 11, so. Yeah, I was about to say, you wouldn't have time to relay this in combat, but, like, honest, but it's like, that's a werewolf, this is what they can do. Uh, Coluna would definitely know. Do I have to do a check? Fi would know, yes. Go ahead and roll a nature check, please. 14. Okay, um, you would not know about the regeneration, neither would Una, um, so yeah, the Coluna and Fi definitely know what's going on with regeneration and werewolves and stuff. Awesome. Okay, so I don't need to heal you. You can die. Have fun. Enjoy. You can die.

Enjoy your death. Wait till you find out what happens when the wolf gets bloodied. No. Oh, fuck. You can't call a pack, can you? Because I remember that being a thing. He has a different thing. Equally as deadly. Awesome. Um, Marish is not doing well here. Um, Marish is going to use something called tactful retreat. How dare you. Um, and what he's going to do is essentially a duck and cover move that allows him to shift up to his speed. Cunt! You're a fucking cunt, Jason. Motherfucker. I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm not fighting this fucker again. Don't take him off the map, I'm chasing him.

Yeah, come on. Really? Are you really doing this for a living? Uh, he is not off the map, but he is making a break for it. Last time someone tried to make a break for it, they ended up in my hat, so. Una, your turn. Okay, let me just, uh, let me just glance through my powers real quick. Real quick here. Jadzia. This would be a good time to not have used windfury assault too. It's okay, because I have not used windfury assault, and I have also windstep, which is an encounter, so I can fly. I can fly over you, Jadzia, and yeah, I can go get him. It's fine. I'm just checking if there's anything that's got a, um, that are half damage in there for me.

I think I do. I think I have one more half damage. Uh, I used... I used murder's retribution. I did. I used thundering's might, and I used on pain of death. No, I have not used on pain of death, okay. Um, okay, windstep. I'mma fly up like a bitchin' motherfucker. Fly right over to him, and use on pain of death. I'm gonna roll an attack. It's not gonna hit. I'm gonna roll an attack anyway. Um, and it's gonna do half damage. Yeah. Okay, that's gonna miss. Half damage. You know, that makes sense. Half damage. It only does 3d8+4, but maybe half is enough to knock him down to something, you know, maybe.

Okay, maybe not, because it did nine fucking damage. Uh, yeah, nine damage is not gonna do it. Um... Fuck, do I have anything that does any... Okay, this does make him do ongoing damage, so he does take 1d4 damage every turn. Save hands. Um, let's see, do I have any other thing that can add any damage? Any damage whatsoever. I think I used everything that gives me any advantage to that. Do I have any miners? Anything? I don't think I have anything. Sorry, guys. Okay, then I guess I'll just minor action. Divine Challenge him. Okay, uh, Great Cloak number two is going to...

I do get a +5 to all my defenses, though. Gotta remember that, because he's gonna kill me. He's going to teleport right here. Uh, and fire... Uh, fire his crossbow at Runa's back. That is gonna miss. Yeah, that's so gonna miss. That 28 AC is ridiculous. Uh, Fee, your turn. Hi, good evening. Is, uh, is Werewolf Marek classed as an enemy at the moment? Um, not at the moment, because he's not attacking, he attacked, but each round it can shift. Okay, so... Can you come help kill Marek or Muresh? Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say so. I can walk past him without having to be concerned that he's gonna attack me.

Yes, yeah, you're fine. Okay, so, um... Okay, so I can do Tactical Trick. One, two, three, four, five... And then, can I charge up to there and attack him? Um, Tactical Trick is a... that's a move action, right? Yep. Okay, yeah, you can charge, but it's a melee basic you're using. Yep, yep. I'm alone, yeah, okay, cool. That's what I have anyway. Um, but, uh, do I get plus one for charge? Yes. Okay, so I get plus three, because I have combat advantage from Tactical Trick. Oh, cross your fingers, oh, cross your fingers. Come on. Yes! Okay, so, we have, uh, melee basic attack damage and we have sneak attack damage.

Do you have anything that will plus the damage to that, V? Um, no, I have already used my backstab, which has pluses to my damage. Oh, hold on, actually. Um, I have... Action point? Uh, yeah, well, yeah, I was going to say I have my deep wounding weapon, which, um, trigger, you hit an enemy with melee basic attack, but that has ongoing 10 damage save ends. Okay. Let's pop that. So, you want to pop that? Uh, yes, I will do that. So... Okay, so he's already going to take 1d4 each round and 10 both save ends. And then, um, I think 9 damage, uh, for not attacking me if he doesn't attack me on his next turn.

Yeah, exactly. Okay. So he'll take at least 20 damage next turn. Okay. If he doesn't attack you. Yeah. Jadzia, your turn. Alright, I am going to use my, oh, I'm on Lula's thing. I'm going to show mine, show mine board. Okay. Check if she's a werewolf too. I'm going to use my step, my serial stride. One, two, three. So, I am going to teleport. Hey here. Sup, motherfucker. I am concealed, even though I'm right beside that man. The young gentleman. Yeah. The young drow gentleman. Yes. And it only seems fitting, honestly, to use infernal moon curse. I see, I see my thing.

Um, guys, should I bother hitting Marash? Because it sounds like he's going to die automatically next turn. Should I go hit someone else? Will he die automatically, Jason? I don't think he'll tell us. I can't tell you. Yeah, figured. Maybe, maybe it might be a good idea to hit him because we really don't want him dead. That would be bad for us. Okay, so I'm not going to waste infernal moon curse then, I'll do one of my melees. Should I go for reflex or fortitude? Because it seems like we're not hitting any of those anyway. Does anyone notice which one's lower?

I would do fortitude, personally. Okay, I'll try fortitude because I tried reflex and that didn't fucking work. So, dire radiance. That's my only basis for telling you to do fortitude. Me too. So, I'm going to do dire radiance. Oh man, I wish I could move off board, anyway. Miss. That was a five, I don't feel bad about that. Shit. Might be useful to use an action point. Yeah, you rolled it on your six. You didn't attack yourself. Oh, well there we go. You still rolled that one. No, no, no, no. No, no, because I rolled it on the wrong thing. We always reroll when that happens.

It's not like it's going to get much better, come on. We're going to have to give you a hard fast. No, it's a no. That's a no. Alright, then I will use my action point, which means that enemy number four is going to take five damage because of my thingy with the stuff. One second, I was looking at it earlier. I have a thing. Demonic action. When you spend an action point, deal five damage to adjacent creatures and gain resist ten till the end of the encounter of your choice of acid, cold, fire, lightning, or thunder. I'll choose fire because it's a dragonborn.

So he's going to take five damage, number four, there. Okay. Okay, we did it. Boom. Alright, and then... fuck it, I don't know. That's going to take out. Oh, he's a minion. Alright, cool. Is he a minion? Because he's not a minion, I get to do a healing surge. Um, he's a minion. Yeah. Okay. Should I just die of radiance again? It missed already. Fuck it, I'll do it again. Seems like this guy's going down either way, so. And I did take down one enemy, so that's fair. Okay, that was a 26. Still missed. Yep, still missed. Anything else? Um, maybe. Wait, actually, no. It didn't, I bet it didn't miss because of my... one second, there's a thing.

Action surge, plus three to attacks when you spend an action point. Woo! 29. That'll just hit his 40. Motherfucker! Yes, yes, yes! Damage! So thank god he didn't fucking die. That's good, too. Nine damage, plus I get to roll two sixes. For more damage. Plus eight. So that's going to be 17 damage. That is going to knock Marash out. Yes! Fuck my balls! Fuck yeah, fuck yeah. Don't run from me, bitch. I run. Which I'm going to do in a minute. Kick his corpse. Don't run from me, bitch. Knock your teeth out. This little black girl kicking a giant 8-12 dragonborn. Uh, Bree's turn.

She is going to start to advance towards, um, uh, towards, towards great luck one. And she has to go past Merrick to do it. I don't think she should do that. Why does Breanna keep doing stupid things? They're dumb. She's a fucking idiot. She exists only for pain. It's fine. Wow. Okay. Um, firstly, that's just outwardly cruel. I may be bitter. Secondly, you may be a little bitter. Um, the reasoning for which, uh, is that she just watched, uh, first of all, it is terrifying that Merrick is a werewolf, but at the same time, he did continue to attack the guy you were attacking.

So she's operating on the assumption for now that he is not an enemy. What do we say about assumptions? Who do they make an ass out of? Um, the secondary point of that is she is not very skilled with a blade. And the last thing she's going to want to do is piss off a potential ally who can rend and claw the way he does before at least it's proven that he's an enemy. I'm not saying she should attack him. I'm saying she should avoid him. I'm just saying she could have gone straight and gotten in the same place, but she like pointedly moved next to the werewolf.

Okay, Thi, since you're the one next to the initiative tracker, maybe try the hostage, hostage thing, you know? Uh, she's going to try and stab at this great cloak first. Ooh! That is a crit. Hey, fuck yeah, Brianna! Look at that, not being useless. She is going to stab this, she's going to stab this great cloak right in the throat. Fuck yeah! Yeah! She's learning something from Po. And, uh, this, the great cloak's just going to go down like a ton of bricks, just gone. Uh, Thi, your turn. Uh, what, what did you want me to do, Iz? You should, uh, I mean, there's only one fucking minion left, so we can honestly just fucking kill him.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking, like we were going to do this whole hostage thing, where we're like, "Oh, go away or we'll kill him!" Um, yeah, maybe just fucking kill the, yeah, just kill him, fuck it. Okay, uh, Ambush Trick. Okay! Look cute. Okay. Um, okay, Ambush Trick will give me combat advantage against him, so, basic attack, plus two. That's a fucking miss. That's a crit miss. Ooh, that is a crit miss. Oh, shit. Uh, action point. Okay. Um, and I think I still have the plus two from Ambush Trick. Uh, yeah, until the end of your turn. So, I still have that plus two.

I can have that one, Mr. Zero. Yes, shit. Um, that's, that's everything I can do. Merrick, do me a favor and roll a d20, please. So, okay, just a question, when does his werewolfness end? When we're out of combat? When, what? I'll explain it when... When we're out of combat, because it's not that. I'm just glad I'm the furthest thing away from him right now. Here we go. Nineteen. Whoosh! Yes! Okay, now, it should be explained. Here, here are your options. Now, you have control over Merrick for another turn. Mm-hmm. Um, now you can attack. You can, you can choose an enemy and attack.

Uh, or you can spend the turn trying to get a hold of yourself and calm down. Or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or. Yeah, there's no question about it. Merrick would, uh, if he's able to move, like, into the back corner, he's just trying to get away. Okay. Um, and, and try to take control. Okay, then do me a favor, roll an Endurance check when you get to where you want to be. Okay. Can you, like, crawl, can you, like, crawl into one of the barrels and see if it's... Like a wounded puppy? Yeah. Okay, Endurance coming up. Twenty-seven. So, the situation is not as dire as it was when you wolfed out.

You've gotten some of that bloodlust out of your system, and it would appear as though Merrick is getting a hold of himself. Uh, and he's going to, he is going to revert back to, uh, his human form, although very nude. Should be noted, very nude. I mean, presumably his stuff is a round, right? Yes, no, it's still, like, you know. Can you roll for how hot you are? I can roll a buff check. Yeah. That's the best, the best pun I could come up with on a moment's notice. It's a pretty damn good pun. It's very good. Um, Kaluna, your turn. Okay, well, now that he's calmed down, I can focus on bigger and better things.

Like killing his minion. Exactly. So, um, I don't need to use anything fancy on him, let's just use... Spirit's Fangs, which is basically a melee basic. Sort of, I think. Who knows? Let's see. Well. That'll miss. I tried. You get combat advantage because of his fee. Oh. Still miss? Really? Wow. Yeah. I tried, and that's what counts. Okay. Come on, Valus. Clean this shit up. Okay. Uh, Valus is going to... okay, fuck this. Uh, what do we got? You know what, there's no reason to be all fancy about it. Let's just... Uh... Uh, that is a hit. Thank god. He is going to cleave this guy and just murder him.

Thank you, Valus. Cool. Um, that will take you guys out of combat. Just tie this motherfucker up so much. Tie him up and put him in a fucking barrel. Kaluna is going to immediately run over to where Marek is, and she's going to pick up his clothes along the way. Thank you. And then she's going to, like, look at him, just like, you know, that motherly thing where they're like, "Oh my god, do you have any scratches on your face? Are you okay?" John Cena, for her part, is going to back the fuck away from Marek. Yeah. Una's going to shoot him a glance, like, one of those, like, "Oh, just you fucking wait" looks, and start tying up the dragonborn.

When Kaluna noticed that hook. Yeah, I mean, Una's not hiding it. She's looking pissed. Kaluna will snarl at her. Oh. Whoa, Marek's not even looking at anybody. He's not even... He doesn't want to look anybody in the eye, he's not even trying to see what everybody else... He's just staring at the wall. Like, he's just, like, compilessing, I guess. So, how much about werewolves would Finn know from my check earlier? You definitely have the gist that, you know, losing control of yourself, wolfing out, that kind of thing. You'd know about the regeneration. You'd pretty much have a good grip on what a werewolf is.

And that he is definitely one. Okay. Yeah, so, Fi would kind of walk over closer to him, not, like, right next to him, but quite close, and then crouch down and say, "I think that's something that you definitely should have told us sooner than now." Yeah, Marek is... He's just going to do that nodding thing when someone's chastising you, and you know it, they're right. And he's just, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He's basically traumatized by this, not just because of what's just happened in battle, but this wasn't, from his point of view, this just wasn't supposed to happen.

He thought maybe that wasn't going to happen. Marek, we're not angry, we're just disappointed. I meant, I like thinking of Fi crouching down and putting his hand out and going, "Hey buddy." Just scratching him behind the ears. Yeah, exactly. Valus is going to start to approach Marek. Kaluna will immediately just sort of put herself in between them, even though she's tiny compared to Valus. He's going to kind of look down, "Move." And she'll look up at him and she'll just snarl at him like she did at Una. It would very much appear that Valus is trying to get to Marek, and it's debatable what he's willing to do to get to him.

Can I yell at Valus? Give it a shot. I'm just going to look up from tying up the dragonborn and just say, "Fucking leave it, bear trap. Obviously the man's been through some shit, okay? Let's just get this fucker back to the house." I'm debating whether that's a diplomacy rule or not. You know what, no. Let's not do that. If it would help, could Jodzia also kind of call Valus over, kind of meekly, like she's not even going to say anything, she's just going to call out his name, like, "Valus." Valus is going to kind of turn his attention away from Marek, but very much still holding the broadsword, like approaching Una.

We can't just let him live. Are you fucking serious? He could have attacked any one of us. Yeah, well, he didn't, okay? We have bigger, literal bigger shit to deal with. We can talk, we're not going to just fucking kill someone. Until the next time he loses his temper. You know what, I'm going to lose my fucking temper. And what? Still holding his broadsword, still approaching Una. Am I done tying up the Dragonborn yet? I would say yes. I would say event yes. Even a big fucker like this, you've looped like several. I'm going to take a dinner roll out of my pack.

I keep a stash. I would imagine. There's a lot of mourning. And I'm going to jam it in the Dragonborn's mouth. Okay, I should note that a Dragonborn's mouth is much larger than that of most of the other races. So it just fits neatly in his mouth. You're going to stop him breathing and he's just going to die on the table. Get like six of them in there. Like the marshmallow challenge. I'm sure he's got a nose, he can breathe. I'm just going to say, "Free your fucking fallen comrades." And I'm going to say, "Are you going to help me or not?" Just kind of like motioning to the thing.

The Dragonborn, not the thing. Wow, that's racist. The thing, wow, yeah. Val's going to give one last look at Merrick just kind of like huddled in a corner. And then he's going to kind of eyeball Kaluna. And then he's going to go ahead and sheathe his sword and start stepping towards Marish. And I guess you were picking him up to take him somewhere? Let's take him back to the house because A) I trust us there better. I don't want to take him to a guard station. I feel like there's too much shady shit going on. I think we should take him back to the house because we have a dungeon full of chains.

That's true, actually you do. You have this weird little S&M dungeon in Darmok's crib. Alright, so Valus is going to go ahead and start lugging this big fucker. I'll help him out, obviously. Okay, good, yeah, because this dude is huge. This dude is big and heavy. Let's say all of you get back to the house. So you're going to kind of wander in here and no one stops you. You are walking through the streets with Marash and no one stops you. That is something you're noticing. They actually kind of part. -Falling! -Yeah. So Valus is just going to, after you get to the threshold of the door, just drop this guy.

Just throw him down. Do you want to maybe help me get him to a dungeon or something? We could just leave him in the living room, but you know, it's kind of a nice place and he's kind of fucking ugly. Kind of a nice place. He's going to go ahead then and just kind of grab his leg and start dragging him towards the fucking... I'll help him get him secured in the dungeon. Like very secure. Like, Jason, I'm specifically telling you that I'm going to put every possible chain, everything, fireproof chains, ropes, all of it, weight him the fuck down. Make it impossible for anyone with any sort of magical power to escape that shit.

Put those magical fucking chains on him that decrease your magical powers. Everything. Everything. Okay, I was with you halfway and then you're just making things up. Well, I don't know. Everything that Darmok possibly has. Okay. Can you make sure that you tie his mouth shut? Yes. His hands are tied. If Darmok had any of those magical globe things you put on hands, anything magical looking that could suppress any powers whatsoever. Okay, well mostly it's chains. How are you restraining his mouth? I'm going to just chain it shut. Okay, so kind of wrap it around his snout.

Do you know Dragonborn-sized ballgags? He does. Well, not Dragonborn-sized ballgags, but you can just chain his snout shut, essentially, like a gator. Can I drug him? So you have him chained. You'd have to look around the house and find something. Well, actually, Fi does have chloroform. I just want to knock him out, buy us some fucking time, you know? Right. So Fi can chloroform him. Okay, Fi, you want to chloroform that guy? Yep. How long will that give us? It depends on the individual. Some people are a little tougher than others and they wake up a little sooner, but you're going to get yourself some time.

Okay. He also has like, head wounds and shit. Let's have our meeting outside the dungeon so we can hear anything. I'm not taking any chances. Okay, I fully understand. I'm terrified of him escaping, because that was a gnarly ass fight. So let's say that they're... okay, so this is... he is restrained. You guys are outside of the dungeon here, which is like a basement area of Darmok's house. It's not a full-fledged dungeon, but this is definitely a place where he has restrained people before. Is Merrick with the crew? Merrick would have been hanging back, but behind everybody as they're coming in.

He's keeping his distance, but he's still with everybody. He doesn't want to be left alone, necessarily. Poluna is using herself as sort of a physical wall between everyone else and Merrick. Okay. Can I roll a check? I know we already did the nature checks, but I don't want to know much about werewolves, but I do want to know about the curse. So can I roll an arcana check on the curse? Sure. 18. Wow. Wow. Shit. I don't know shit about that. I'll have to research it. What you know is pretty much anyone who would know about, you know, lycanthropy would know that if you get bitten by a werewolf, odds are you have a really good chance of becoming one.

You would know pretty much the same about werewolves that Fi would know. You could control yourself, you wolf out, go into a rage. The curse itself does not, there doesn't seem to be a cure for it that you know of. No blood magic nonsense? Not that you know of. Cool. But I can research. You could research. I'm really interested in the source of the curse, actually. That's what I really wanted to know, and I'm sad that my thing was too low to figure it out. You were hoping for a crit, because then you know I'd get to flip out my book here and just start reading shit.

Yeah, and I wanted that. Okay, can I walk up to Merrick? Gently, so like it's obvious I'm not going to attack? He's still not going to look in anybody's eyes right now at all. He's going to turn his head a bit. Not out of being rude, but just out of severe deference. Okay, I'm just going to go, "Hey, hey." Like, kind of like motion, like look over. Alright, he'll eventually look over. Okay, first, you really should have told us. But also, you did really, really well in that fight, and you really helped. And I can see this being something that we can either help you get through curing you somehow, or we can use to our advantage.

You've proved yourself very, very fucking useful. So we're not going to kick you out for this. Or at least, I'm not going to encourage it. But if there's anything we can do to help you not attack us, and to keep attacking the enemies like you were in that fight, you should let us know, because if we can use that to our advantage, and help control you in your beast form, this could be really cool. Merrick's going to, I mean, he's distressed. And he's very, very worried that everybody's going to just make him leave. Like, he's going to need to abandon everybody himself, just to make sure this is okay.

So he's going to brighten, but I don't mean he's like dancing. He will at least brighten up a little bit. Like, at the words, just assuming that you would come over and say, "Hey, listen, you know, it's not working out. We're going to have to ask you to go. I mean, no hard feelings." But you're instead saying something to him that's making him feel like, "Wait, wait, hang on. You actually, you kind of want me to stick around. I'm saying all these words, but this is just what's going on. This is on his face, right? This is brightening up." So he'll look at Kaluna, he'll look at Una.

Is anybody else engaged in this, or is everybody else sort of just backing away, or not part of it? Fi would be part of it. Jodecia's there, but she's like up against a wall. I guess for the first time, he's just going to start looking around at everybody starting to meet people's eyes, and just to see if there's actually any compassion or anything like that in their eyes. And I guess he's going to, I'm assuming he's noticing this, at least from Una. Not going to say anything, just noticing, just looking around? That's it. He's not saying a word right now.

Yeah, sorry, I should have said that. Or some. Una will put her hand on her shoulder, kind of give him a little shake. Like, "Hey, man, it's going to be okay, okay? You said you didn't have any friends. You do now, okay? It's all good. Just snap out of it." He's traumatized. This isn't good on his body. This isn't good on his mind. So he is going to snap out of it a bit, and he's going to shake his head, or nod his head. And he'll say, "To whoever's listening." I'm assuming that's Una, and I know Caluna's there, and Fi. Oh, Valus is there. I think we're all listening.

Yeah, I think it's- This is kind of important, we all kind of gathered. Someone's just eating their breakfast in a corner, saying, "What?" I'm reading the paper, you guys. Could you please? The comics are really good this week. I guess the only thing he would be able to say is, he's just going to- I don't want to have secrets, I just didn't know how to tell you. I've spent over a decade running from my past, and he just sort of gestures at himself, this, hoping I could find a way to trust myself. And then I met Caluna, and then I met all of you, and now all of you trust me, and it makes it a hell of a lot easier to trust myself.

So, it means the world to me. Do you want to live with this curse? I mean, we've cured vampirism before, not gonna lie, it was kind of crazy shitballs adventure. But, we can try and get you help if you don't want to live with this anymore. It's not necessarily something that I'm trying to get rid of. My assumption is that this is a curse, and a monitor is punishing me. So, I don't know that I deserve for this to be lifted. Pretty shitty god there, bro. I may deserve this, and it's part of my journey to have atonement, and to make my peace with this, and hopefully a monitor will see me again.

Look, I'm all for penitence, and is gonna like roll her eyes, but a monitor and I aren't exactly bros. And I consider it pretty shitty if his curse on you is going to affect me and my loved ones. Badly. If it were leprosy or something, whatever, that's your deal. But, since you're in our group, since you've joined us, this is kind of all our deal. So, we either have to figure out a way for this to be less fucking terrifying, or we need to help you get rid of this fucking curse. You know what I mean? Yeah, Merrick's gonna be nodding at all this. He gets it.

He's closing his eyes and really letting it sink in. He's like, "Yeah, okay, yeah. I mean, if I have friends, I have to listen to my friends." So, alright. I don't necessarily think that anything can be done, but if it can, I want to make sure that all of you are safe. And, yeah. Just tell me what you want me to do. Maybe get some rest for now. We'll figure this shit out. We have a giant dragonborn to question. Well, you did just put him out for a few hours. Well, that's okay. Let's grab a snack. That's not immediate. You know, take a nap. Take a wash, you know.

Chads, you do me a favor. Mm-hmm? Roll a perception check, please. 24. Wow, that's my best roll today! That's nice. That's a nice check. With all the twos and ones I've been rolling, that's just a happy little... Oh, dude, you rolled a 19. That's awesome. Yeah, very, very nice. Jatia is going to hear a skittering in the walls. And it is very near her, actually. Like, she distinctly hears it this time. Everyone else, roll a perception check, please. She is... 33. Holy shit. She is going to immediately say, "Valice, now." As soon as she hears it, she's going to be like, "Valice!" And point to the wall, because she's been waiting for this.

It's been driving her insane. It's actually kind of, honestly, it's been really fucking with her, because she saw how Darmok was in this house, and she's worried that it just drives people crazy. So, she's excited. Valice is going to spring into action and run over to the wall and place his left hand just kind of bracing up against the wall, and then rear back and try and punch a hole in the wall itself. So, let's roll athletics. Okay, I rolled a 33. Perception. Can I throw my hammer at the wall? I was about to say, it turns out these walls are much thicker than they would let on.

So, Valice is going to slam the meat of his hand against this wall, and just kind of this like, pfft, just like a thud, and just... You can very much tell he's trying not to let on, but it looks like... He may have broken bones in his hand trying to punch through this wall. Okay, Una is going to just kind of whip her hammer at the wall here. Yeah, just go, "What the fuck was that?" and just like, hurl the hammer. So, Thunderclap enclosed space. Sorry, Bruce! Moth! Moth! So that's pretty deafening. It's on my face! So just kind of a boom, just like the... Then the sound of this wall caving in.

And there just appears to be this shadowy black void behind it. Like, it doesn't appear that there's anything behind this wall other than darkness. Like, maybe there's some sort of secret room or something behind here, actually. Like, it appears as though that this opens up into a whole other space. Show the fucking blueprints, guys. And then vampires pour out of the hole, in you all. Guess what, you found a corpse! Open casting call for an entirely new Group 3. Fuck all these nerds. But me and him say this isn't working out, guys. That thing where you said we weren't calling giant members our giant members?

We lied. After a couple of seconds, this tiny figure is going to come darting out of the darkness. Is it a fetus? What?! Did you play the Silent Hill thing? Is that where that's coming from? Maybe. It's also maybe, like, it's a part of that. And, um, maybe Darmok has, like, little baby clones of himself growing. Like, I don't know. Some creepy shit. Do me a favor, everyone roll Perception. Thirteen. And we're back. Seventeen. Okay. Caluna, Merrick, and Una are all going to see this tiny little gremlin-like figure come darting out of it. Just this little grimey "eh eh eh." Just kind of like a little grimey, just like, yeah, just this tiny little thing.

And it's going to sprint across the room, leap up onto Valus, and immediately start punching him in the side of his head. He's got these tiny little fists, and just kind of like "eh eh eh." And Valus is going to try and reach back and grab the thing, and it skitters down his back. And then leaps across this tiny little gap between Vatsy and Jallis, and just leaps at Jatzy's chest. Can we roll, like, Athletics to, like, maybe grab it or something? Well, you're not near her, is the thing. Like, you threw your hammer at it, so Jatzy and Valus are the only ones kind of near this wall.

So this thing is... Valus maybe going to roll a check? Right, that's what I'm saying. That's like, it's... So this thing is going to leap at Jatzy's chest and just kind of like cling to her clothing. Valus is, okay, that's a 19. So Valus is going to reach out and grab this little impy fucker by, like, the scruff of its neck. And it's kind of this brownish-green color, kind of scaly-looking, kind of almost lizard-ish. Just tiny little fists and claws about him. So Valus is going to grab it by the scruff of his neck and hold it up. And this little thing is just "ahhh." Imagine picking up a wild cat that doesn't want to be picked up, and just fucking claws everywhere.

Just like trying to claw at the air. So he's just kind of holding it at arm's reach, but making sure that it's off of Jatzy. And that's just kind of quizzical, like, "What the fuck is this?" Jatzy is just going to look like fucking shocked, like, "What the hell?" Arkana? Check history? Give me Arkana. Arkana. 23. In Jatzy's studies, there are...how can I put this? There are certain risks into using blood magic. Because what you're doing is forming these tiny little demonic pacts. And the risk with that is that sometimes something could be drug back from the other side.

And that is exactly what appears to have happened. This is a tiny demon. Fuck. Okay, so knowing this, is it mine? Like... You would guess that...like, this is you going out on a limb here. But here's the thing you know about demons. They don't like to be controlled. But, considering you were the only one recently who was using any blood magic, you're making an educated guess that it's tied to you. So technically, in a case like this, you would be in control of it. Now, this is completely reluctant on his part. He doesn't want to be controlled. And he would surely murder you and the group in a vicious, horrible way if he ever got the chance.

But... Because we need another one of those in our group. But, you're guessing that he would be under your control. Okay, then I am going to...Jodzia is going to take a calming breath. Shit, what the fuck. And then she's just going to glare at the demon and say, "Shut up!" See if that doesn't happen. So this thing is just like, "Eh, eh!" Just trying to reach back and claw at Valus' hand, and then you tell it to shut up. And he just kind of stops. Still, like, in mid-claw, just kind of like, "Eh?" Just waiting. And he's kind of, "Look at Jodzia." And, um...

If he could claw your eyes out, he totally would. And that's the look he's giving you. He does completely silence and stop moving. "Valus, you're the father!" "Valus is..." "Stand back, I'm going to throw this against a wall." "Yeah, Jodzia, what the fuck is that?" Jodzia's going to kind of say, "I think it's mine." And then she's going to explain, because of the spell, "I pulled back a demon." And then she's going to look at Valus and go, "Might be best to keep it." And then she's going to kind of, she's going to try to give him a knowing look, because no one else in the room knows.

But he does know why she might want to keep a demon. So she's going to give him one of those. Well, that's Roll of Perception. Come on, Valus, you can do it. Fuck you! Can I roll Perception to see if I notice that look? That wouldn't mean anything to you. I don't think. That would be... I want to keep a demon for sexy, sexy time purposes. I'm just going to leave that to them. I'm going to be green and scaly and gnarling at me. Right. So Valus wouldn't necessarily pick up on the look you're giving, but you're telling him not to kill it, so he's not going to kill it.

So he's just... So he's holding the thing, and he's still just kind of holding, but now it's just kind of like hanging there slack instead of like struggling. So what do you want me to do with it? Can I get like a leash for this thing? Is it like bound to me? Like if I tell it not to go further than so many, like will it stay? That's what you're getting. Like a mental leash kind of thing? Yes, like that's what you're gathering. Okay, so Jodzia's going to be like, "I think you can set it down." Valus is just going to open his hand and let it go and just rob it.

Like completely just... Let's set it down, Tim. Well, it's down. It's not quite set. Right. So the thing's just kind of like going to hit the ground and spatter, just kind of like, "Yeah!" Just kind of hit and just like sprawl down. Sprawl down. So this little thing is just kind of like, kind of like get up and now it's just kind of like standing there. And it's kind of like, its head is darting around at the party, like really quick, like snappy move. It's just like, "Eh." Like just like looking around at each one of the members of the party, you can kind of seem like side-eyeing each one of you.

Just kind of like sizing you up. And then it's just kind of like, kind of sit and like rub its hands together and look up at Jadzia. I'm thinking that that might be a good time for us to stop this event. So we have two members in our party who could attack us at any moment. Hey! Kaluna's fine. Can we get it declawed? Can we get it declawed? If you get those demons fixed, they usually come right at you. Wait, the demon or the werewolf? Yeah, I didn't know who you were talking about. You get those werewolves fixed, they come right at you. Just put one of those plastic cones on him.

I can't bite my scratch anymore. But you got, how cool would it be to have a werewolf in an apron cooking everybody veggie omelettes in the morning? That sounds adorable, yes? For real though, that was the best fucking reveal in the entire game. Oh man. That was pretty fucking good. Can we frantically check in his thing to see if he has any werewolves? Yep. That's not true, is it? Is it? Is it? Yeah, that was- It can't be true, it's impossible! He just has traveler shit, that's fine. He's got a stomach ache, just get out of combat, it's cool, it's cool, it's cool.

It's fine. Yeah, that worked out pretty well. I remember us talking about it really in depth when I was in New York, but I didn't think that would happen in the first fight you've ever done. Yeah, I just assumed, well I didn't assume, I just wondered if this could be the kind of thing that lasted for a long time. Honestly, it just really would depend. Well, the situation got really dire, it was a closed, like I factored in a lot of stuff, I think you're surrounded, you're closed in, he reduced you to that many hit points. Oh yeah, it makes sense, it's just, I didn't know how soon it would happen.

Here we are. Let's all let the American hit. I was so ready to stab the shit out of you. I know, I know. You're not wrong. Do you want to fill them in on that or do you want to save it for the next session, roleplay wise? I mean, it wouldn't be bad to roleplay it, but I mean, I can explain a little bit more if anybody's interested. The stab the shit out of part, like that's the... So, Kaluna has some sort of thing with Merrick that if he goes too out of control, she'll put him out of his misery? Yeah, that's basically whenever they first met, he was like, hey, here's a silver dagger I found, if I wolf out, kill me.

Yeah. Dude. It's not so much if I do, it's if you feel like there's no other choice and I'm not, you know, I can't sort of get in control of it, then just end it. I like my little snarly demon too, he's pretty cool. Dude, I really thought Jadzia was gonna run away this battle, I was terrified. I was terrified that you were gonna run away and I was gonna die. Me too, that's what I thought was gonna happen. Yeah, and I had all these moves like, I'm ready, I'm gonna like heal every single person's, all their hit points, and the next thing I know I'm doubled over in pain and turning into Michael Jackson in Thriller.

See, the situation would have to be really fucking dire for Jadzia when I land, she wouldn't do it in just any situation, but one of your allies turning into a werewolf while one of the other ones is like passed out in the corner. Right. That's one of those situations. None of my attacks were fucking hitting. He's a plus 21 to all of his hits and a plus 13. Thank god those things were minions. Yeah. Did they start as minions, Jason? Of course they did, I don't tweak fights in mid-fight. I wasn't sure, sometimes I think you do. I think most DMs do, like if it's too damn hard and you know you're gonna have a wipeout, sometimes you're like, "Mmm, maybe these are minions instead." I feel like we did pretty fucking well in the Quashing Crime thing for our first thing.

Right. Like, not bad. I kind of expected it to take us like two or three sessions to get to Marish. Oh boy. I feel like it should have, honestly. Maybe he has a twin brother or something. Based on the fight and how strong he was, I think we were supposed to wait a while before we fought him directly. This is the point in the TV show drama where somebody says, "Wait a minute, that was too easy." Yeah, really though. I always feel that way with DNR. If something happened, I'll be like, "Okay, half of us died, but I kind of expected all of us to die, so there must be something waiting to fuck us over." That's the fucking deal.

That's the new thing. Yeah, that guy's a dick. There's always a new, giant, terrifying, fucking horrible boss fight hanging on the horizon over your head like a fucking black cloud of death. Or a dragon. I forgot about that fucker. Yeah, I was remembering the whole time. Part of me was constantly like, "Mmm." Wait, how much time has passed? Hold on, you're doing the finger counting thing? You're like, "Wait a second, okay." How much does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? Like, we're gonna capture this villain and then a cow's gonna burn to the ground, so what the fuck ever.

God, maybe we can sacrifice him to the dragon like an old-fashioned princess. Change him to a rock. The prettiest dragonborn. Make him up a little bit. Give him a kind of revealing nightgown with one shoulder slipping off. Put some lipstick around his giant mouth. Yeah. Did you guys see my miniatures? I did, yeah. It's adorable. I like the shirt. That is a good shirt. I really need some new equipment because all of my stats are super fucking low. Yeah, they are. I was noticing that this battle when Una had like a 29, I'm like, "My highest is a 23." Not even, it's like a 21.

Well, Una's pretty much all AC. Yeah. Yeah, I have like a 20 AC and that's, yeah. My fortitude is just balls. Like, it's terrible. Do you want to kill my attack by fortitude? I want one thing that's just balls. Like, I just want one. If I could have balls reflex or something, I'd be happy. Because at least I could be like, "Oh, they won't hit that." Well, if you want, well, hell, you're around most of the time during the day when I am, so we could do a shopping thing if you want. Awesome, that would be fun. Your fortitude is the highest, Bri. Your fortitude is 23.

Yep, so you're 23. That's still really low. Yeah, we can get that higher. Totally. You're a paragon now. You haven't been shopping in a while. Shopping montage! (Singing) Oh my gosh, my boots don't match my collar. Now you're playing D&D like a girl. That's what I learned in a book I read recently. Okay, that's the beginning, so I'm going to leave. Nah, it's actually time for dinner. Okay, everybody have a good fucking night. Thanks everybody. Bye! Yeah, super. Four days later in the city of Brightport, Tessie's going to stand up from her desk. Almost in a complete state of shock.

Just disbelief. And she's going to walk up to Malkus very slowly. Almost as if she's afraid to approach, like in case it's just some delusion or just like you're not. Malkus isn't really standing there. And she's going to very gently lift her hand up and place it on the side of Malkus' face. And very, very, very carefully, very gingerly. Malkus actually at first kind of seems shocked and not quite sure what to do. But then he actually, his look softens and he places his hand on her face for a moment. She's going to break that after just a few moments. And much more aggressively compared to her initial reaction, she's going to wrap her arms around Malkus and just hug the ever-loving crap out of him.

Malkus embraces her as well. And while he's holding her there, he just says, "I'm sorry." "You haven't aged a day yet. I don't understand how..." "Much has happened to keep me from coming to see you. It's been longer even for you than it has been for me. I look this way from, well, an event I don't fully claim to understand, but I and my traveling companions lost 17 years." "I knew you were alive out there somewhere. You don't know how many times I was told to just let you go or give up hope and..." And Malkus cringes when she says that. And he says, "I'm afraid to some degree.

That is why I need to see you, Mother." "You're in some kind of trouble, aren't you?" "I am always in some kind of trouble, it seems. Mother, in the time that I've been gone, I have walked from one corner of Theria to another. And when I was younger, I hoped so much for better, but I see now that Theria is crumbling. It's falling apart under the weight of its division, its bigotry. I was mistaken to hope for better." Tessie is listening to all this, and this look of great concern crosses her face. I would imagine this has to do with the war out West.

It very much does. Mother, there are things that change you when you see the things that I've seen. You start to come to conclusions, things that formerly seem utterly insane start to seem perfectly reasonable. And when the moment comes, and he holds his hands up, kind of curling his fingers, and he says, "When someone places the power into your hands to fix it, you don't linger on what that might cost. And for that reason, and it pains me to say this, but this may be the last time I see you." The expression of concern is being just completely replaced with disbelief.

I just got you back. You can't leave again. Whatever's happening, we can work it out together. Know that I make no exaggeration when I say that you cannot begin to understand the gravity of what I have done. You know, all those different people that I met and all the different places that I traveled, all of them live in their own pockets of understanding of how Theria works. But when you travel that far and wide, you really do see how it all comes together. And perhaps it is arrogant of me to say such a thing, but I feel like I have a unique perspective on Theria's needs.

So I acted, and I will never be thanked for doing what had to be done. But rest assured, no matter what anyone else tells you about what I've done or the cost, it did have to be done. And I stand by that. And the reason you will not see me again is because no one else will understand. But I am not. I am not going into chains. I am not going to see an executioner's blade for doing what needed to be done. That is not justice. I may give up everything I have held dear. You. And he pauses and he looks down and he says, "Bree, Bree, knighthood, everything, as if I have not paid." And he may look upon me as if I have not paid for this.

The exile will be real. The pain will be real. But in time, it's going to ease because I am never making the mistake of giving so much of myself for thankless people again. Never. Tessie is going to lift her hand up and kind of place it on Malchus's shoulder. And Malchus looks into her eyes and actually tears start to form. And he says, "They have hurt me so. They have. Never again." "I'm not going to pretend to know what you went through. I can't tell you it's going to be alright or whoever would be looking for you would stop. You have a place here. You will always be welcome here." Malchus nods and says, "I know you mean that, but I do not dare bring the trouble that is upon my head onto you.

You have sacrificed so much to make myself, my brother and sister what we were. How thankless would I be to put myself upon you and to bring my troubles back into this house after what you gave up to make us who we were. I cannot do it, mother." Tessie is going to give this very warm smile after that. And you can kind of see where she's just kind of thinking back, doing that thing with your eyes when you're recalling a memory. Do you remember when I was younger and you put your life on the line to protect myself and the shop when we were really struggling?

The gift of these dark and strange powers. It was a blessing then. Look around, Malchus. I'm now in a position to help you. To protect you. Like I said, you are always welcome here. If you feel like you need to leave, I'm not going to stop you. You've always felt like your calling was elsewhere, but if you're looking for some safe haven, you found it. Not long ago, Shannon Carter himself showed up at my door. Actually, directly after I inherited this house. I didn't let him take this from me. And I wouldn't let anyone take you from me either. Malchus makes a closed-mouth smile and he says, "I will never forget that that offer stands for me.

But for now, at the very least just for now, while tempers are still flaring, while people are still acting on impulse, I do not dare." I do not. Tessie's just going to nod her head ever so slightly, just in recognition. And she's going to wrap her hands around the back of Malchus's neck and gently motion for him to bend down a bit. And she is going to kiss Malchus on the forehead. And then give one last tight hug. Almost as if she hugs you tight enough, you can't leave. Malchus does the same. He squeezes her very tightly. And he says, "Mother, I am and always will be your son.

But for the briefest moment, right here, right now, after the miles I have walked, I just want to leave you with a warning so that the things that are happening to me never happen to you. Don't dare to become too great. Because all I set out to do to rise in power, to make a difference, all it ever did was serve to separate me further from people in the end. I worked so hard to make a better Theria. And that work only showed me the value of things in the way that people who have not walked in my shoes would never understand. And because of it, they will forever look upon me as some alien and frightening thing, more so than ever my horns and red skin ever inspired.

So don't ever, don't ever dare to become too great. All it does is make you alone." And he squeezes her one more time. And as he's slipping away, he says, "And if you can bear it, if anyone asks about me, at best deny that you've seen me. It would be better if you can claim that you have some way to know that I am dead, that I am gone. Because there are some who will never rest." Before Malkus slips away completely, Tessie would take a step forward. "Do you know one of the greatest lessons this city has taught me, Malkus? As hard as it can be to live here, and to struggle every day of my life here, that the world is what you make of it.

Each one of us has the power to change the world for the better. It may not always work out like you plan, but that doesn't mean that you haven't influenced someone's life in a positive way somewhere along the line. I want you to never forget that. That no matter how bleak things seem, no matter how hopeless, you have the power to do good." "Mother, at this point, I'm not sure I know what good is anymore. I should be going." "She's gonna nod her head again. You can see she's trying very hard not to tear up. She's trying very hard to keep composed. But she's not gonna stop you from leaving." Malkus walks to the door, takes one last look back at his mother, and slips out the door.