Turn the Page - Part 2

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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Hope you enjoyed the show. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master Corner at table starting with Mac. Hi, I'm Mac and I play Caluna Vulgaris, the Wilding Shaman. And Kat. Hi, I'm Kat Charlie and I play Fi, the Changeling Thief. And Jasper. Hey, I'm Jasper. I play Merrick, Ethelred, Human Cleric. And Bree. Hello, I'm Brianna and I play Jadzia Grace, the Human Warlock. And Izzy. Hey Izzy, I just shoved half of Pay Day in my mouth accidentally right before my intro. You were the last one! How did you not see it coming?

I don't know, I'm so down. I had it in my hand, now it's just going in my mouth. Did you think you were just a listener for a second? Kinda, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm just a fly on this wall. Guys, I'm probably going to sound thoughtful in two seconds because I need a lozenge. I play Una, the Half-Elf Paladin. Good, this started out great. Let's keep going. Yup, this intro bodes well. I don't see anything wrong with this. Let's continue. Okay, last time on the show. We split the party. Kind of. Oh, we have the smart mans bet. We figured that it would really help with combat.

Yes. Make it really, really fast though. Like really fast. Really fast. Let's get to this fucking story shit. Let's just get this out of the way. So, oh god I haven't had to do this in a while, but group 3A decided to try and get as many people out of Brightport as possible. And start to make a trek towards Brightport because Valus wanted to tell them about a dragon that lives there that they may be able to use. So, group 3B which consists of, well consists of Una and Bree. And a grouping of Paladins and Craig decided that they were going to try and distract Strahd.

Now, some could say that they succeeded in that Strahd paid them no mind and flew completely away from Esterholt. They decided to continue to chase after Strahd. The rest of the party, let me ask the rest of the party something. You may want to open your map because I'm going to ask very specifically here. What path are you taking to get to Brightport? Esterholt, Fairbay, Locart, Brightport, Whitehead, Yeah, following the road. As every other option has been shut down for fairly sane reasons of being too dangerous. I'd just like to specify we're going where the monsters aren't.

Yes. Oh, that's, oh, that's, okay. If every other party would just tell me that's what they're doing, that would be a worse character death. See, group three is smart. Didn't we decide we were just going to blow through Lockford as quickly as possible? Yeah, as soon as we get anywhere near the Silverclane, just... Use the 1-up we've been saving and just... Use the 1-up we've been saving. Okay, so you are taking, okay, so first of all you need to get to Fairbay. And that's going to take a while. So you are on horseback. Leaving Esterholt. Let's do this. Everyone do me a favor and roll a perception check please. 23. 20. 20.

Okay. I got a rock. Was that a Batman, anything in the series reference? Actually it was a Charlie Brown Halloween reference. Oh, dammit, yes, okay. I'm confusing that with a little rock at him. Ah, there you go. It's almost Halloween, that was festive, guys. Okay, so 10 for Jadzia, 20 for Kaluna, 20 for Marek, 23 for... Okay, so you guys are about an hour outside of Esterholt. You've been riding now for a while. In the distance behind you, Fe is going to notice that there are some people... It looks like there are some people on horseback following you. But they're keeping a really good distance.

And it's really tough from this distance to see who it is. But you are definitely being tailed. It's been long enough now that they would either, if they were travelers, they would have either blown past you on the road or at least caught up a bit. They are keeping distance. When you slow down, they slow down. When you speed up, they speed up. Well, I think we're going to scream "Fuck you" at them and drive away fast as possible. That went well last time. Solid plan. So it's only Fe at this point, right? Fe is the only one who sees them right now. He's just kind of over the shoulder, just kind of glanced back and is like, "Hey, what's all this then?" Sup, dawg?

Yeah, okay, yeah, so Fe is going to say, just loud enough for everyone in the party to hear it say, "I think we've got a tail, guys." I don't have a tail. Merk, do you have a tail? Not anymore. Not at the moment. John C.L. will look behind us and now that I'm looking, can I roll another perception check to see who they are or can someone else look more closely at their faces kind of thing? I'll tell you what, actually, Valis didn't roll one either. Not that his perception is amazing, but still. Actually, his perception is ass, geez. Twenty, okay, so nothing.

So if Jadzi wants to kind of try and focus in and eagle eye this shit, go ahead. Can C? Can John C.L. tell Fe to do it? Because my perception is plus five. Okay, so is this a thing where everyone is holding up now? It's like, "Okay, hold on a second," and you're not riding. Well, that depends. Are we surrounded by wilderness that may or may not have monsters in it? Well, okay. Do you have your map open? I do. Well, let's say right now you are about an hour outside of Heroes' March. You're about an hour into Heroes' March. Have we crossed the river yet? Not quite, no.

Okay. So we're right outside of Esterhole. Yeah, you're outside of Esterhole in the wilderness, but not in your high mantle or anything like that. So you are, yeah. I see no hurt in trying to stop for just a second so Fe can get a better look. Sure. This is at least a traveled road. It's not the wilderness. No. Right, there is a path here for us. Everyone's so jittery about this wilderness. Yeah, well, you know, things happen. Okay, yes, I'm roading another perception then. Seventeen. Which is even worse than the first one. Yeah, Fe's not going to be able to make out specifically who this is.

It does appear to be eight figures on horseback. And as soon as you stop, they stopped. But this is kind of the thing where they're up on a hilltop. They are obviously stopping. So they are most assuredly tailing you. So is there, in the trail or path that we're on, is there any place that we can sort of suggest we could go around a corner and they might continue to follow us even though we've stopped? Is there any place on this road where we could let them think that we're continuing on? Let's hide under the bridge like trolls. We could hide under a bridge like trolls is what I was thinking.

Well, there's a couple of things you can do. You are coming up to a river. Now, this is, okay, so you are coming up to a section of, there's a pretty large bridge that covers this river. So if you wanted to, you can try and set up some sort of ambush at the bridge. You are in plain sight of them for the most part. Now, if you wanted to just try and book it, like try and beat them to the punch and see if you can make a break for it and get away from them, you can try that. Or maybe just try to get ahead of them enough so that you'd have time to set up some sort of thing at the bridge.

Okay, so wait, are we sure that they're coming to fight us is the thing? No. Yeah, we have no idea. But it doesn't sound- So I don't like the word ambush quite yet. Right, right. I think it's a little soon to use the word ambush. I don't want to fight these guys. Confront, maybe confront. I'm used to Una being in the party, I'm sorry. Yeah. A bunch of children come your way, I punch them in the face! I mean, if it just seems like we need to do something, if they're connected to us somehow, they might have good intentions, they might have bad intentions. Or we know they're coming to bring us a message or something.

How far away from us are they staying? They're probably about an eighth of a mile behind you. They're a good distance behind you. Okay, so time is of the essence here, like we've been through that a billion times. Why don't we just keep going and like keep an eye on them? And if they ever catch up to us, we can talk to them. And if not, they're just dicks. I don't want this to come bite us in the ass. Yeah, that's true. The other option you have is you can cross the bridge after you get to the river and go into the forest. Ooh. That sounds bad. Just throwing it out there.

There's a high mantle forest is smack dab in the middle of Heroes' March, and that would be another option. That would be a terrible fucking idea and you're trying to tempt us into doing something stupid. I'm not trying to do anything stupid. I'm giving you options. I know, honey. I'm sorry. How far away from the bridge? You are probably almost an hour away from it. Okay. How about we stop at the bridge and try to make it look casual, like, okay, let's let the horses have a drink and... Super cash. Oh, I've got to collect some herbs. Ooh, let me get some herbs.

It's not a bad idea to keep all of our hands on our weapons and Merrick can be situated away so that if he gets hit... Next to the horses. Put him on the other side of the bridge. Right. Okay. How wide is the river/bridge? It's pretty sizable. The river itself is wider than the road that you're traveling on now. The portion you're going to cross, it's raging underneath of this bridge. That's why the bridge was constructed. Because the path kept getting washed out. So they constructed this fairly large bridge over top of it. Okay. So you can go... The bridge is large enough that you can cross it three by three if you wanted to with horses.

It's a pretty damn sizable, sturdy bridge. Okay, yeah, yeah. I say we go to the bridge, stop on the other side of the bridge, and rest up and see where they get to. Sounds beautiful. Let's do it. Okay, awesome. Let's get to it. Group 3B. Let's catch up with Group 3B. I don't like you using that term. Can we call it something else? I know. Group 16. Weasels and they can be the honey badgers. Because they don't give a shit and they're about to go find the fucking dragon. Well, one of them doesn't give a shit. Okay, heading south from Estherhold. This is going to be bad.

Okay. Strahd passed clean over you guys and appeared to be flying south toward Odysseum. Now that means you have a lengthy ride to get to Strahd. Now, I'm going to ask you one more time, is that what your plan is? To go and take on Strahd, I guess? Yeah, you're going to go fucking fight a dragon and die. That's the plan. Okay. So, okay, are you just booking it straight for him? Are you trying to take a rest at any point? Because this is, we're talking a good day's ride. This is a lengthy ride from Estherhold to Odysseum. I mean, when you're chasing a dragon, it's not like, "Oh, let's stop and make some campfire potatoes, guys." Like, you're chasing a fucking dragon.

So no stopping. Just like, "Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's get it, let's kill it." Or fight it, at least. Okay. Bree's going to be slightly confused because her understanding of the plan originally was that you would distract the dragon and then it would leave Estherhold alone, hopefully, and then that would be it. The plan seems to have changed ever so slightly. And she's riding on the same horse as Una, and she's just going to try to get Una's attention. I thought the entire point was that we were just supposed to distract it. It's not even attacking Estherhold.

This is why I didn't want you to come. Yes, that was partly the point. The other point is to go attack it. I know that the others would not be supportive of me throwing myself at Winged Death, but that kind of is the point for all of us here. Probably not for you. And if you turn around right now, you would make me infinitely happy. Bree's going to start looking around at, like, while you're riding, just kind of looking around at all these paladins. And Craig specifically, there's just a look of determination. They have no qualms about this. It is a vibe you pick up after the fact, after you've been told, "Oh no, no, we're all going to die." That's the point.

We're going to fight this thing and hopefully we kill it. But if not, there looks to be no give in these paladins. That is the purpose they have been bred for and trained for. This is the bravest thing that they could possibly do. This is essentially dangling steak in front of a hungry dog. Like since the dog has lightning powers. Bree's not going to say anything, but she is going to kind of grip Una just a little bit tighter. She's kind of got her hands wrapped around her waist and just kind of like grip just a little bit tighter and not say anything as this party rides towards Odysseum.

Group 3A. You mean the fighting walruses. You change it. Your team name keeps changing. I like it. Red weasels wasn't good enough. Okay, you guys have taken, okay, you're stopping at this bridge. Let's do this. Let's put you guys on the map. Let's change the maps. That's never a good sign. That's not. It's really not. Man, you guys are so... Well, we're scared, okay? We're going to Logford. You're not even near Logford yet. We're scared. We're on our way. We're on edge. On the road again. See you in the now. Can't wait to get back on the road again. Can I make a Dungeoneering check to see if I can rig a like jury rig a trap onto the bridge?

Okay, just to be clear, this is not a rope bridge. This is a this is a pretty sturdy like wooden bridge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm going to take less than life's like a fish as I continue to add shit to it. 20. 20. If he's not seeing anything that he could he could rig up immediately with some time, you could probably weaken some support or maybe set up something with some rope to try and trip their horses, something like that. But this is definitely a thing where they they they've been watching you the entire time. Okay. So how how how far are they away now?

Now that you've set up, it would appear as though that they're they're just kind of riding in like they've they've tailed you for long enough and they're they're they're figuring you're setting up camp. So do me a favor. One perception check. Now, this this is just B to C across this this fairly large gap. So I need to check. Oh, Jesus. Okay. Yeah. And 30. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Wait. Hey, hey. I got 21. I see stuff. Congratulations. Let's see what Valis sees. 19. Even Valis sees stuff. It's the fresh air. It's the finally. Okay. So let's add some thugs, guys. Thugs. Ooh, they look ugly enough to be in.

In Cecil's gang. I thought you meant in the basement. And I was like, rude. Funny you should mention Cecil. God damn it. There he is. Is he still covered in shit? That's the first and most important question. It does appear as though he perhaps hosed off or or took the quickest job. Same clothes, same clothes. He also appears to be quite cross, as as as an English gent might say, with a fancy hat, with a fancy hat. He, along with seven seven hired goons, are standing on their kind of they've stopped their horses on the on the opposite edge of this water on the opposite side of the bridge.

And he's leaning over to one of the one of the thugs here and he's giving them some directions. And it looks as though that a few of them are going to break off and start to ride in in a northerly direction. Does the river end at any point in the north only direction? History check? You could do a nature check or history check. Either one. Hey, Kaluna. I feel like you might have a high nature. I might. Let's hope the dice like me. Possible thing. Twenty five. Twenty five. You ask the other trees and they say. I ask the stump I'm sitting on. So while the while this bridge is the quickest way to cross there, there is a couple of spots up north where you could you could kind of wait across in horses.

Although that might not be the smartest thing because it might be very time consuming to get there and to do that infinitely, infinitely longer than just crossing the fucking bridge. But those recessals directions. So those three are going to ride in a northerly direction and leave Cecil's party. Cecil appears to have settled in, like he's not crossing this bridge yet, almost like he's waiting for something like he has some sort of trump card that he's just waiting for. But he keeps leaning over and talking to talking to the man on his right. And every once in a while, he'll kind of point aggressively across the bridge.

And you you can tell he's cursing. And it probably has something to do with the shit that you dumped on him. Hey, guys, anyone sick of being nice to Cecil? Guys, if I move up just a little bit, I can I can sick pig on him from over the side. We should probably at least talk to him a little bit first, because for all we know, he's like, hey, these guys, they need help fighting a dragon. Let's swear about it. It's probably not what they're doing. No, but you're doing the right thing. I think it's the right thing. I'm talking lawful good in our party. What the hell are you doing here?

You're lawful good. Of course. Oh, I'm not lawful good. Hell, I thought you were. No way, man. I could have sworn you were. No, it's that dumb. No, I'm good, but not lawful. In fact, yeah, I'll I'll do whatever it takes to get the right stuff done. That's what we like. That sounds so serious and ominous. You call that mustache lawful good? How dare you. It's lawful great. Can I make Abe Sutton check to see if I can hear what he's saying to his to the guy on his right? Sure. No, I don't. This water is going to make that very difficult because, again, it's kind of raging beneath this bridge.

Very Whitewater Rapids type of thing. So it's very difficult to hear what he's saying. You can pick up inflection and tone, though. He seems to be very upset. And it's not really hard to piece together why he'd be upset. OK, he's been standing there for a while. So we all know that we're here. Yes. He's just kind of ignoring us, which I think is plain rude. I think he should have said hi. He is going to walk out onto the bridge. Let's do a halfway thing. See if somebody will come halfway. I don't want anybody to go over there and get stuck in a bad position.

I'm going to stand right there. That is exactly that is exactly one less than halfway. OK, Cecil's going to notice this and kind of stop yelling. And then after a couple of seconds, he's going to like lean lean over and say something to the man next to him. And that man is going to wander out onto the bridge and meet the kind of halfway. That's exactly where I want him to be. I already counted this shit out. Try something, punk. Bring it, motherfucker. V is going to sigh, shake his head and then say, what? You cowardly idiot, two fucking pussies come out here himself.

Jesus, V. Yeah. Wow. Right. You ain't taking no shit. What did this happen? Wow. Look, man, he wants the paladin. So if you could just like give us give us the paladin. That'd be great. This guy knows what's up, too. He's like, we can't win. You just make this easy. The new Iron Man movie where that guy is like, these guys are a bunch of freaks. I don't want to work here. The dude's got a job like he's got like he's not this not a ton of faith in the leadership. Maybe just like, man, could you just do me a solid and maybe like surrender the paladin? That'd be great.

Could we just do that? V is going to nod and then he's going to look past this man to settle and say, hey, if you're on the paladin, she's going off and killing a dragon. There you go. Go find her. Wait, he's going to look back to look back to the vessel. Dude, we've been riding the wrong way. Just Are you sure? Because he was I mean, he was pretty sure that she came with you and the little one to the the other girl, the the mopey looking one. Yeah, her. Yes, she went that way as well. Now we're just giving them direction. Well, it's like the claws of a dragon.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's a well they've gone to fight a dragon and he doesn't believe that Cecil is brave enough to go anywhere near a dragon. I'm pretty sure that Una is safe right now. We could literally give him like coordinates. She'd still be fine. Sucks, man. Well, like look, I'm sorry for for all this. We just after you know, we just after her and the other girl. Sorry. Sorry to bother you. Do you know like where exactly I would really, really help us out? Like where they rode? Towards the dragon. Just follow the path of destruction and death and murder and I'm sure you'll find them.

All right. All right again. I'm I'm really sorry about all this. This, you know, between you and me. I don't I don't I don't and he's kind of like he's taking like one step forward and like lowering his voice ever so slowly. I don't think this guy knows what he's doing. I've been working for him for like two days and I honestly don't think he has any clue what's going on. So you should invite him to join us. Be cute. Let's see if we can steal his friend. I'm going to say, well, from this extremely brief interaction that we've had, I can already tell you, you have more brains in your head than he does.

Thanks, man. That's sweet. Thanks. I reckon I reckon you could do a better job than he does. Well, I mean, it's a pain gig. I'm not much for leadership or whatever, but I mean, you know, you got to cover the money is right. I mean, it's times are tough. Well, look, look, look, look, look, if you if you ever throw him all the money that he was going to be paying you and everyone else. You're going to create the next Carter. That's what we want. No, but this guy could be actually like he could be our buddy. Yeah, we could embed him in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're willing to bed him, then embed into estral embed and you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And we're all the same page. He's going to out brush his hand and say, feel over. Oh, Jeremy, Jeremy Cavins. And he's just kind of like very friendly, just kind of like, oh, hey, man, just kind of like really kind of laid back. Just well, look, we're going to we're going to leave you alone. I guess we're going to he's kind of like reaching back to scratch the back of his head. I guess some. Well, shit, I guess we'll just head back the other way.

Hopefully, hopefully we can catch up to her, you know, and you think she'll surrender because that'd be great. I'd really rather not have to fight her. You, you haven't been in a fight with her yet. No, no, dude, I've heard a couple of stories I'd really rather not. But it'd be great if she could just kind of do us the solid because I could use the payday. And do you know that there's two different cities offering a reward for her? Yeah, I think you need to call a sickie on this one because, yeah, you're not you're not making out alive. OK, well, maybe we can get more guys.

How many are you thinking? No. Let's see. And he starts counting on his fingers. But with every finger he does a 10, just like 10, 20, 30. After a while, he goes, OK, if you if you go around all of the all of the all of the towns and cities in Daria and get an army and then come back, might have a chance, I think. But I wouldn't count on it. And Jeremy's going to start counting off on his hand. That's a lot of we're splitting in a lot of ways. I don't think it's going to fly with a lot of the fellas. Well, look, OK, we'll figure something out. We'll figure something out.

We've got to find him first, right? I mean, it's not it's it's it's you know, we'll figure it out. That's on us. That's I don't want to bother you folks. If if if if you do find them, they'll most probably be fighting a dragon, which you most likely get dragged into as well. Really? Yes. Very much so. OK, well, the little one, she she I OK, OK. She she kind of from what I heard, she stabbed a fearless leader back there. But other than that, like not I think that was an accident. So not not too great. Don't have to worry about her. Really, Jason, do you would would see and the rest of the party know that three has her powers back?

Well, Kaluna would know. And I guess that's up to Kaluna whether she told anyone else. I imagine she would have been really psyched about it and would have absolutely told everyone, like she does this thing. She does the glowy thing and she punches people and they fly. OK. Yeah. Feel good. No, that's that's like an army as well. That's an army job as well. Little. Yeah. She's a tiny person. Huge punch. All right. So from across the bridge, you're going to do me a favor. Roll perception. Fifteen. You OK, you're going to see Cecil begin to get really frustrated. Can I wave at him?

Hi. Yes, I was just going to look irate and just from the opposite side, would you fucking stab him already? And Jeremy's just kind of look back and just like, huh, just like what? Give him the thing. Just one minute. One one minute. OK, I'm going to I'm going to let I'm left hours. No. And yeah, we're going to we're going to get out of your hair. I don't I don't really see a need to harass you guys. You don't have either one of the people we're looking for. You got things to do. We got things to do. So we're pretty good. OK, OK. Oh, one more thing. You you tell Cecil if he even touches a hair on the little stabby one's body, I will disconnect his head from his body.

Anyway, see you later. And feature turn around and walk away. Everyone in the party, do me a favor. Roll perception check. OK. Does everyone anyone else? Jeremy, does it remind you of like every IT guy you've ever met? You know what, buddy? I don't want to be here either. I think it's this. Well, that's awful. We're back. We're awful this time. Eighteen. OK, well, well, miracle notice. And so, so, Luna. Yeah, Luna got an 18 as well. Oh, she did. OK, sorry. So American Colonna will notice Jeremy's going to march back across this bridge and very calmly explain the situation to Cecil.

And Cecil is going to just kind of the best word to describe it is throw a hissy fit on the back of his horse and just kind of just just unbelievable. Just just like rage at the sky. Just like, fuck. Just like there's nothing you could do. I think Cecil should have to do a acrobatics check to see if he falls off his horse and rage. I think it's only fair. What he's going to do is while he's kind of hopping up and down and angry, he is going to he is going to kind of put his boots into his horse a bit. So here's what we're going to do. Really? Damn it, Cecil.

Just kind of like kick his horse out of frustration, kind of just just kind of. Come on, Pony Pony. 20. OK, so he is going to keep control of his horse. He is just going to barely keep. But his horse is going to start kind of freaking out a little bit, which is going to stop his hissy fit in its tracks and just like, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, OK, sorry. Sorry. I mean, to take it on you. I'm having a really rough day. That kind of thing. Like you said, peanut butter. All right. You spook Felicity. So he's just kind of. And after a couple of after after after that, like after he kind of gets gets control of his horse, both Jeremy and Cecil and the rest of these guys are going to just ride in the opposite direction.

What about those guys who went north? We've got a three we've got three men. Yeah. He didn't he didn't bother to wait for them. Hi, guys. Well, neither are we. Let's go. You think we could hire them? So how would you hire Jeremy? I'm really sad we didn't hire Jeremy. Bye, Jeremy. I love you. I wish him the best of luck in all of his endeavors. I like the idea of just a thug who's not like that. I'm going to stab him. That kind of it's like, look, man, it's a job. I'm sorry. I don't want to. But, you know, I love Jeremy. Jeremy is my best friend. We're going to paint each other's toenails.

Can someone roll as Jeremy if they die? Sorry, I was like this really awful, tragic backstory. See, that's why I'm glad I write little things for every character that's on the show. I love that. All right. Is you ready? Oh, God. Now I'm all nervous. I was angry and then it faded. Now it's like my stomach just dropped. Yeah. That book still exists. People pay for that. Does that make you angry again? Being what? The sorceress book, the D&D sorceress book. She has made money from that. I'm like she-hulking out right now. OK, I'm back. I'm back. Let's do this. There you go.

I love you. I would say I could read a passage from Confessions of a Poetess. Hatred is like my meth. I'm really down right now. I just need a hit. Chasing the dragon. Well, it's really hard to chase the dragon when you're wearing pumps. Oh, God, I'm going to kill you. OK. Let's say that some time has passed. A great deal of time actually has passed. And the party is riding up on Odysseo. Do me a favor. Roll a perception check. Thirty two. Damn it. Well, I'm wasting my coat of gloves. Thirty two and twenty seven. So both you and Bree are going to crane your necks upward.

Now, there are two paths from where you're riding in to Odysseo. Now, there's a path that leads up that leads into the city proper. And then there's a path that slopes down and appears to lead to the shoreline. Odysseo is a city situated on a cliff top overlooking overlooking the ocean. So the path that leads down kind of snakes its way to the shoreline. And then it looks like a cave system. Now, where most dragons would probably head towards the cave system is if that's that's what their motivation was. Strahd has apparently perched himself on top of the tallest tower in the city.

Craning your neck upward, Odysseo is a city filled with these huge towers, kind of sharp, angular looking, ornate towers. These things are very decorative, very posh looking. Odysseo in its prime when the Aladrin lived here was the pinnacle of what society could be in terms of comfort and style and opulence. And the Aladrin liked to make a show of how much better they were at this whole civilization thing than any other race on at the very least the continent, but probably just Theria as a whole. Since their disappearance, however, the warforged took over and the city has kind of fallen into a bit of disrepair.

Ever so slightly, though, firstly riding up onto the city, you're going to notice a few scattered warforged corpses kind of broken apart, rusted over. I'm guessing you're going to ride into the city proper. Yeah, sure. With your perception check, you would notice that Strahd is paying you no mind. Riding into the city of Odysseus. The walls are very minimal. It's not a protected city in that there are big gates and walls. It's much more decorative than that. Odysseus was protected by magic, again, in its heyday, in its prime. The warforged have made slight alterations.

It looked as though the roads leading into Odysseus were booby-trapped. Quite extensively, actually. And it looked as though even after the, perhaps just before, or just after the warforged died, there were kind of spring-loaded pontoon booby-trapped type of things that were triggered near the gate, near the archway leading into the city, and the road leading up to it. So you will see humans and half-orcs and a couple of elves run through the chest or leg or arms with these sharp wooden pontoons. And it looks like they either had died on the spot or died a short distance away from these booby traps.

A couple of them looks like maybe the trap hit them and then they managed to kind of hoist themselves off of this pontoon and it looks like they were stabbed in the back a short time later, kind of crawling away. So I'm guessing you were just kind of riding in. What is the plan exactly? Are you trying to get Strahd's attention or are you just trying to sneak up on him? What's the plan of attack here? Well, that's loud, sorry. Let me just swirl my vodka around some more. Guys, Jason, this is a drug. This is now a drinking podcast. I would guess the plan would be like, get in position, pray, because we're paladins, we're gonna fucking pray, and then try and get his attention and fight.

All right. The center of Odessia is this very large open courtyard. Very grassy, very, very, while decorative, nature really hasn't been disturbed too much. The eladrin like to, whereas the elves will straight up use nature as decoration, the eladrin like to use nature in tandem with actual construction. So you'll see kind of mossy vines creep up the side of buildings. Now, again, when they were, you know, when they were around to take care of it, they would kind of keep it in check. A lot of these buildings have been taken over with these finds, and a lot of these towers just appear to be leafy green walls.

Strahd himself is perched on the tallest tower, so he is... Fucking show off. Oh, dude, he is hundreds of feet up, just kind of craning his head, and it looks like he's craning his head toward the Overwatch, like in that general direction. Greg is going to ride into the center of this huge courtyard and kind of leap off his horse and grab his greatsword off of his back and ready it. And he's gonna kind of look to everyone, kind of give them the motion in like, all right, let's go. Come on. Huddle. Huddle up. Bree's gonna kind of jump off the back of Una's horse here and just kind of like stretch her legs.

Like, it's been a long ride. Just kind of like, ow, just really sore, just kind of stretch her legs. And kind of unsure, like everyone's grabbing their weapons and kind of getting ready. You got like axes, hammers, swords, and she's just kind of going up like bare hands, just kind of like, okay, like trying to fit in with, like trying to be one of the guys, like trying to fit in. But totally not. Like they're all clad in like shimmering armor and ready to go and fucking, even Una is, I mean, she's wearing decorated elven armor and carrying Kord's fury and just like really bad.

And Bree is anything but badass. So she's going to kind of get into this huddle here. And Craig's gonna kind of look to Una. Are you ready? Okay. Una's gonna like hoist the hammer and just kind of like point at the sky. Like just smiling, just beaming, like glowing with happiness, like a pregnant woman. Minus the pregnancy. And just say, I was fucking born for this. No one, no one in the history of the temple, in the history of the following of Kord has done something this brave. Living, dying, none of that makes a fucking difference. This moment right now, attacking a legendary dragon.

This guarantees us a spot in the hall of Kord in heaven. Nobody, nobody has done this. We in this moment are braver than Drauk, are braver than all of the heroes of Kord that have ever been. Do me a favor and roll a diplomacy check, please. I don't have to stop these kids from shitting themselves, right? Like they're... No, just do me a favor, roll diplomacy check. Okay. Oh, two. I guess I farted halfway through that. A couple of these kids appear to be not outwardly scared, but just kind of like, okay, we're doing this, huh? Like just kind of just imagine, imagine a lot of the young people like storming the beach of Normandy, just kind of like, okay, this is what you train to do and everything, but now you're here.

And it's like, fuck, that's a big dragon. Okay. Okay. They're kind of get so that that actually, believe it or not, kind of steadied their nerves a little bit. Not necessarily bolstered them, but definitely steadied their nerves a bit. Like they are, they are, they're kind of composed. They're ready to do this. Okay. Can I add a caveat to that? Sure. Okay. If you are not ready to die at this moment, you shouldn't be here. This will probably in all likelihood end in every single one of us dying. If that is not what you are ready for, it is time to leave. If you are, however, feeling fear, that is nothing to be ashamed of.

The fact that you are still here, you are still going to fight even while you feel that, that is true bravery and cord will reward you. Is that another diplomacy check? Yeah. Do another diplomacy check for me. 28. Oh, these fuckers pumped. That was much more effective. Yeah. Like you can kind of see him like take a steady breath, like just kind of like just a little bit of a flex, just like fucking right. Is anyone, is anyone going to leave? No one is leaving. Brie is the only one who still looks like she is, she is taking like not, not like, you're like pumped, just like just kind of a really deep breath, just kind of like eyes closed, just kind of focused downward.

It just, it looks more like she is just kind of steadying herself, it doesn't look like she is super pumped, but she is definitely not leaving. And that would be because Una is not leaving, so leaving is not an option. Fuck. She is the clingiest bitch. I'm kidding. But, ugh. I just want to hang out with my friends, I just want to watch the game. Where you got to be with me all the time. You promised we would go out. Oh god. The fucking Skype chat. I haven't even looked. Someone is going to like, I just see them pop up on the side, I don't even know if you, someone is like I bet you want to cuddle after sex.

Oh god. Tears. Craig is going to kind of heft his sword. He kind of planted it in the ground while you were talking, just kind of like grab it up, heft it. Alright. And he is going to kind of crane his head upward. You want to get its attention or me? I will take out my, I have the horn back from free, right? I specifically did that? Yes. I'm going to take the horn out. And is there like a tower I can climb? Can I get higher from where I am? Um, yeah there are all kinds of towers you can climb. They are all open because the place, the only other occupants beyond Una, Bree, Craig, 14 paladins and this dragon are a lot of dead warforged.

There is like tetanus everywhere. I wouldn't prick your finger on any of this. If you are not dead from dragon you are dead from infection. Right. It's a really dangerous work environment. Okay, I guess I will like sprint up to the tallest tower that is close by. Okay. I don't have to roll like an athletics, not trip over anything, right? No. Because that would be fucking lame. That would be lame, that's why we are not doing it. Una breaks her neck falling down the stairs of an unoccupied tower. She is dead. The shittiest DNR death in Storrol. Oh, that was anticlimactic, Craig exclaimed.

And they left to go get waffles. Yes. Okay, I guess like if there is a top of the tower, a balcony of sorts? Yes. Okay. A lot of kind of scenic overlooks, a lot of balconies, a lot of that kind of thing. Okay. She will like stand, I guess, hundreds of feet in the air over the group of paladins. Take the hammer in one hand and the horn in the other and then blow as loudly as she can through the horn. In the stark quiet that is this abandoned city, the noise from this horn is going to echo and reverberate against everything. Every building, every wall, every unoccupied standing structure and statue.

And then a second noise is going to follow. And that is the sound of Strahd shifting his entire body weight and snapping his neck down towards Una's general direction. And if a dragon could get the look of motherfucker across. This would be the look this dragon is giving you. This is clearly an insult. You are using a portion of the corpse of another dragon to get his attention. That will simply not stand. I'm also wearing a dragon. You are a walking insult. It puts lotion on the skin. Strahd's wings are going to spread and he is almost going to fall off of this tall tower.

And his body weight is going to carry him and rocket towards Una. Can I use my flying power? You may wanna in a second. Strahd is going to slam into the side of this tower. Specifically the portion of balcony that Una is standing on. And his tail is going to thump against the side that he just kind of grazed. That will take out a chunk of the tallest portion of this tower. Bits of stone are going to start raining down on the paladins beneath and they're going to begin to scatter. There is nothing for Una to grab onto so she is going to start to tumble out of the sky and towards the ground.

Okay. I wanna use my fly power. Okay, so he smashes into the tower that I'm standing on. Right. Can I use my fly power to jump onto the dragon? Oh. Here's what we're gonna do. Which flying power are you using? Well if I wanted to end an attack, I might as well Windfury Assault. Okay. Let's do that. I do also have a miner that then I can... Yeah, I'm actually going to use Wind Step. Windfury Assault without the assault at the end. Because if I want to do any damage in this fight I'm going to have to pop a daily that has half damage. Okay. Because I'm going to miss.

I got a plan strategically to actually do damage to this thing. Okay. Can I kill his eyes? Can I land on his head? Well, okay, yeah, you're not going to hit his head because the first thing to thump into... It'll be like midsection. Okay, that's cool. The closest thing to... Yeah. So let's... Okay. I'll totally allow that. Let's do that. So you're going to Wind Step. So as he's slamming into this... So he's coming... He's grazing the tower. Like he's hitting the tower. So he is close enough that you can use Wind Step and get onto his back. So here's... Okay. So Una is going to land on the back of Strahd.

Now Strahd is covered in these spiny ridges that travel down the entirety of his back and kind of taper off at the tail. So there is stuff to grab on. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to roll an athletics check, please. Is that thing out of a plus seven? Well, here's the thing. Sixteen or higher and you're going to grab onto one of these spines and kind of... Twenty six! Holy shit! Oh, man. I didn't want to die falling off a fucking dragon like a shittier version of Valus. Like, that would just happen. So Una is grabbed... She is grabbed onto the back of Strahd and she has kind of nestled herself in between these spines.

The group of paladins beneath has scattered as bits of stone start to rain down from this tower. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to get ready and we're going to add Craig. If someone wants to create character art of me leaping off of a giant fucking tower onto the back of a giant fucking dragon with lightning and shit, please do. Oh, God, this this. OK, so here's what we're going to do. Everyone roll... Well, everyone, sorry. I got to hit Brie too. Roll initiative. Dude, is it... Fuck that. I'm nervous. Like, I don't know how this is going to go. I'm so excited.

Now that like the nerves are gone, I'm just like, oh, yes. All right. Craig got a twenty. Can I put myself on the dragon? Yeah, you are on the dragon, so please go ahead. Oh my goodness. Paladin, paladin, paladin, paladin, paladin. Paladeen. Paladeen. Add three thousand... Gonna murder them with butter. Oh, God. And Strahd. The power of butter. OK, well, Strahd's going first. Figures. Like all the paladins just suck ass. Well, they're not particularly high up on the food chain. OK. Craig did well, though. Wow. OK. Here we go. OK, Strahd is going to... Hmm. Do you even feel me?

He knows you're there. So, Strahd is going to kind of fall out of the sky and slam into the ground in the center of all these paladins. Almost a "Fuck you, bring it." Just... He does not care. This is a display of power for him. He wants to take you all on at this point. You have... You have... He gave you the pass. And you... Not only did you ignore that, you followed him. So, fine. He is going to slam into the ground. Do me a favor and roll another athletics check, please. Do I get a plus for being wedged in there? If not... Again, like, if you get a 16 or higher, you're OK.

OK. 21. Oh my god. 21. OK. Stop making me do those things. So, Strahd is going to slam into the ground and just kind of jog forward a couple of spaces. And Huna is going to hold on for dear life. Kind of wedged into these spines. And just, like, almost like riding a giant, out of control, like, stallion. Just trying to hold on while this thing just... Everything in its body is trying to shake you loose and get you off of him. Then, Strahd is going to look in the direction of a lone paladin. That is standing in front of him. That would be Paladin of Chord #14.

Poor shitfuck, kid. And he is going to use Frightening Presence. Oh god. OK. Jesus. OK. So, normally this is... This is a burst move. What he's doing is looking down... Basically, he's looking down the barrel at this one lone paladin. Because he's kind of off, separated by himself. He's going to lower his head and just kind of narrow his eyes. And exhale through his nose. And smoke is just going to fill the battlefield. And that is going to be an attack versus this kid's will. That is going... He rolled a crit once. Yes! So perhaps bolstered... This is the best crit in my life!

Perhaps bolstered by Una's words before this battle. Perhaps the fact that Una is riding this dragon, trying to take it down. This smoke is going to blow past and he's going to shield his eyes for just a second. And he's going to stand his ground and ready his weapon. Fuck yeah! That was in character! Just fuck yeah! Jesus! Okay, Bree is going to... Yeah, fuck this! Bree is going to charge forward and use overload. She's going to come up on the rear of this dragon. Bree's going to pop a daily and use overload. And what she's going to do is hold both of her arms outstretched in front of her.

And just let loose an absolute torrent of energy. Uncontrolled, complete wild energy flowing through her arms. And she is going to try and hit Strahd. Jesus! She rolled a 28. That's going to miss. And she is going to be flicked back three squares. And kind of slam up against this rock. And die. She's going to take five damage as a result. But she's very much alive. She is prone though. So... That is going to do half damage on a miss. So let's see... So the dragon is going to take 15 damage. So this torrent of energy is going to slam into the side of Strahd. And he's going to minorly flinch.

Kind of like how if you ever pet a cat and their fur just kind of shifts under there. It's like "Eww." They're so sensitive there. So he's just kind of like flinch. Just minorly. Cool. Craig's turn. Well Craig is both not going to let Una get all the glory and she's in danger. Oh father figures. Craig is going to sidle up next to Strahd and use Divine Challenge. And that's going to miss. Let's see... So... Okay, Strahd is marked by Craig but none of the detriments, none of the minuses are going to take effect. So at the very least he has called out Strahd. So he's going to yell at Strahd's general direction.

And get his attention and Strahd's just going to kind of whip around, crane his neck whip around and see Craig standing there screaming at him. Let's see here... Paladin of Chord number 6 is going to kind of let out this scream and run towards the dragon. And he is going to use his great axe against Strahd. And he is going to miss. That'll bring up Paladin of Chord number 12. Paladin of Chord number 12 is going to run up. He's going to use Arcing Smite. That is going to hit! So he's going to take his sword and swing it at Strahd. And he's going to kind of cut...

He's going to make a cut on Strahd's... just above his ankle actually. 10 damage to Strahd. Strahd is going to reflexively kind of pull back and kind of let out this low kind of growl. Just like, "Oh, motherfucker. Okay, okay." Just kind of biding his time. Paladin of Chord number 1. So they're trying to surround Strahd at this point. Great axe attack. That is going to hit! Yeah! Atta baby. 14 damage to Strahd. Kickin' ass! This is dumb. We're all going to get fucked. Let's see, Paladin of Chord number 8. He is going to move down and take out his crossbow. And try and fire at Strahd.

That is going to miss, so this bolt is going to go wide. Paladin of Chord number 3 is going to come up on Strahd's flank. He is going to use his greatsword. That's going to miss. Paladin of Chord number 7. He is going to use his hammer. He is going to raise his hammer above his head and try and swing down at Strahd's foot. That is going to miss. This hammer is going to hit Strahd's foot and just harmlessly glance off of it. Una, your turn. Okay, I have a question. So I have an action point. I also have Windfury Assault. So I was wondering, if instead of having to climb my way across this dragon, I could Windfury my way up to his face, and then pop my action point and try and smack him in the eye.

Well if you are Windfuring, there is an attack that accompanies that. Yeah, but after I attack, I pop the action point. Yes. And that's okay, I can do that? Yeah, like two quick successive strikes. Yeah, go ahead. You are popping your action point. Okay, so Una is going to channel lightning and storm power and just leap towards the dragon's head and fly. Attack. Click. Geez, I can't find this token, it's so tiny, it's such a pain in the ass to click on. Holy shit, I hit! Holy shit! Una is going to use these spines on the back of Strahd and just kind of, almost like she's bobsledding, almost kind of use them, grab two, and flick herself forward.

So lightning wind sparks, she is going to fly forward, come down with her hammer, and strike Strahd's face. God yes! Go ahead and roll damage. Oh man. Oh man. Twenty-one damage to Strahd. Strahd is going, this is the first time that he has reflexively flinched. This is the first time that he has shown pain. You have, you've, you've caused him to kind of like just flinch backwards. You said you're using an action point? Mm-hmm. Okay. Una's going to just bellow in triumph. And pop an action point. And martyr's retribution. Get your cameras ready. It's gonna be, it's gonna be a miss, but I figure like, that ain't too bad, you know, if I can just do half damage.

Yeah. Almost a crit miss. Um, your miss is going to trigger something. Craig's going to use moment of triumph. What he's going to do is sacrifice his next turn, and turn your miss into a crit. Oh god, I love you. Oh my goodness, Craig. Oh god, that's amazing. Oh my fucking yes. Okay, let's fucking do this. Damage, damage please. There we go. Maximum damage. Um, and I get to roll my crit die. You do? Okay. Okay, and uh, how much do I get for crit die? Uh, hold on, let me check. I'll roll it. Uh, 3d10. Oh, yum. Okay, one, two, three. Roll. 15. Okay, 15 damage, so that's 100 damage to Strahd.

Mmm, to Strahd's eyeball. To Strahd's eyeball. Um, do me a favor and roll an athletics check for me. Oh no, I was doing so well. Check's going to be a little higher this time. Eleven. Yeah, um, Strahd is going to jerk back as Una's hammer strikes a second time, this time right in Strahd's eye. Um, blood is going to pour out of the socket, and Strahd is going to violently, almost, um, just reflexively shake. Una is going to go flying off of Strahd, um, and into this bush, back here, this tree back here. Um, that is going to give 10 damage to Una. Strahd is in some measure of pain here.

He is going to let out a furious roar. Does he get like a negative attack roll to like the people on that side of him? Um, what's going to happen is he's going to take a negative 2. It's going to be treated, not as if he's blind, but definitely it's going to be a hindrance to his attacks. Did I poke his eye out? Um, it is shut and bleeding. You can't tell if he's lost the eye permanently, but he has definitely lost it with his fight. Palanin of Chord 11 is going to race up to Strahd and use his greataxe. Because of this display, he's going to get a +2 to his attack.

Everyone for the rest of this round is going to get a +2 to their attack, because you've shown that this beast can feel pain. You can do damage to Strahd. So they're kind of bolstered by this. That's still going to miss. Because he rolled a 3. Because he rolled a 3. Christ. There's really no +1 in the world that's going to save that. Let's see, um, Palanin number 9 is going to swing his hammer at Strahd's tail. That's going to miss, because he rolled a 2. Oh, these paladins. They're just so excited that they're just flinging their hammers in whatever direction.

Fucking yay! Fucking yay! Idiots. Greatsword attack against Strahd with a +2. That's going to miss because he rolled a 4. Come on guys. Fucking get your shit together! Yeah. Who knows how it's from a fucking nearby tree. Ah, Jesus. Paladin number 14 going to race right up to Strahd. He's going to use Holy Smite. Atta boy. That's going to miss because he rolled a 5. What the f- what are these pathetic ass little bitches doing in my presence? But he is going to get to do half damage, so that's 7. That's 7 damage to Strahd. Yeah, not incredible, but he's doing something.

He's trying. Another crossbow attack, yep, crossbow attack. That will hit. I was going to say, why the fuck did I even bring these kids? I like how Strahd's name is Strahd Ancient Red Dragon. One exclamation point. [Laughter] Not to be fucked with is the subtitle. [Laughter] Ah, that is 9 damage to Strahd. He's going to take an arrow- a crossbow bolt to the back. Number 2. Another crossbow attack. Number 5 is going to kind of like get right next to Bree, use another crossbow attack against Strahd. This is Holy Bolt. Stop trying to be a Liara, come on. God, these guys could use some time training with Liara, that's for sure.

Yes, fucking crazed. That will do half damage, so that's 8. Alright, starting the top of the order with Strahd. Your voice cracked a little bit. Um... Starting the top of the order with death and fire from above. Oh no. [Sigh] Strahd is fucking furious. He is going to swing his entire body. And in doing so, he is going to flick his tail down the line. Oh wow, okay. He is going to spin around 180 degrees. So, let's see, Paladin 1, that'll hit. Paladin 6, that'll miss. Paladin 7, that'll hit. Paladin 13, that will definitely hit. That's a 41 versus his reflex. And 14, that'll hit.

That's a crit. Poor bastard. How come Strahd gets all like the controls? I mean that +22 helps, you know. Ass. My reflex is 19. He's large. It's pretty tough to not hit. 6 was the only one who managed to duck. That's because he crit missed. Yeah, that's the only reason. 41 damage to everyone except the guy who got the crit is going to take max damage. 52. And he is going... Now, the other thing is these guys are going to go sailing back. 6 spaces. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Boom. Strahd is going to pop an action point. So now he's facing the opposite direction. He is going to use Breath Weapon.

Close Blast 5. So in an arc in front of him, he is going to open his maw, and a jet stream of fire is just going to come rocketing out of it. So going down the line, number 9. That's a hit. Number 3, that is a hit. Number 2, that is a hit. Craig, that is a hit. Number 4, that is a hit. No crits in there, right? So damage, 40, 12 plus 10. So 27 damage to everyone. That is going to be enough to bloody pretty much everyone except Craig, I believe. At least Talon's is squishy. Yeah, again, they're no Fist of Kord. And they're no Craig. They're armored and have more hit points than Bree, if that makes you...

I gotta get her out of here. That's going to end Strahd's turn. So this fire is just going to come cascading out of his head. Craig is going to be the only one with the good sense enough to raise his shield and block most of this. But Una, do me a favor. Roll Perception. 21. You're going to see where obviously Craig's shield is very well constructed. But you're going to see where it's going to start to get an orangish hue because it is heating up so thoroughly under the breath of Strahd that it is essentially baking him underneath of it. Bree is going to stand up as her move action and... shit.

Man. And shit. So Overload's been used. Oh god. She is going to try and Force Blast Strahd. She's going to move down... oh, she can't move. So she is just going to... You can shift, right? No, the move action was to stand up. So she's going to try and Force Blast Strahd. That is going to miss. So her blast is going to go wide. Craig... after this Fire Blast is finished, Craig is going to jog forward five feet and try and bash Strahd in the face with his shield. God, what a champion. Because Strahd is marked, he's going to get a plus. So he is going to use Shield Bash.

That is a hit. Nice. 27 damage to Strahd. He's going to take this red hot shield and kind of use his body weight and pivot and slam Strahd right in the snout with his shield. Absolutely no fucking fear. And just plant the shield right in the side of his... right at the end of his snout. That will bring up the other paladins. Let's try this again. Ah, let's see. Okay, he is going to use his axe and that will hit. 12 damage to Strahd. Paladin of Chord number 12. Going to use his greatsword. That will hit. Goddamn. They're shaping up. Now all of a sudden they're starting to feel it, man.

Paladin of Chord number 1. Let's see. He is going to stand up as his action. And he is going to fire a crossbow bolt at Strahd. Actually he is going to use holy bolt. That will hit. Goddamn. 9 damage to Strahd. Okay, less goddamn but still. Still. Paladin of Chord number 8 is going to charge forward, raise his axe above his head and use holy charge. That's going to miss. That's a crit miss actually. He holy charges himself. He swings his axe somehow and decapitates himself. First time I've ever seen it. It's crazy. Another greatsword attack from number 3. That's going to miss.

Paladin of Chord number 7. He is going to stand up, fire a crossbow bolt at this dragon. That's going to miss. Una, you're up. Okay. I'm prone, right? You are prone, yes. Where am I? Oh, there I am. I'm in the tree. You're in the tree. Okay. Shit, I have to use my move to stand up. Okay, I'm going to use my move to stand up. But I have this cool feat. Greyguard action. I can shift 3 squares as a free action and I get a +2 to my attack rolls at the end of my... or at the start of my turn after using an action point. So since I used that action point last turn, I'm going to shift 3 and then boop.

I think it's just after you pop the action point though. Oh, I thought it was like the turn after. Let me read the wording just to make sure. To the next turn after spending an action point. Oh, does it say that? Yeah. Okay, yep. Okay. Boop-a-doop. And... I'm just going to go all the fuck out and use all my dailies. I'm going to throw my hammer at its face. I get my +2. So let's make that a +16. And roll. Holy shit, yes! That's a hit. Shit. Okay, cool. I don't suppose I could have aimed for his other eye. Yeah. Let's just make sure... You hit. I hit his face. That's good enough for me. 46 damage. 46 damage to strong.

And he will take ongoing damage, I think? Oh no, no, let's see. Okay, never mind. The effect of each enemy within 2 squares of the target falls prone. I don't think that's going to help me very much. No, probably not. I'm actually hitting. This is so exciting. You done? Um... I have like a miner left, but... Yeah, I think I'm pretty much done. Okay. Paladin of Chord #11 is going to raise his hammer up and try and strike Strahd. That is a hit. 12 damage to Strahd. Paladin of Chord #9 is going to do the same thing. That is a crit. 21 damage to Strahd. Nice. Number 11.

Gonna use his greatsword. That's gonna miss. Paladin of Chord #4. I love this war of attrition that's happening. It's just like staving off the inevitable. He's not even bloodied yet. That is a crit on holy smite. Nice. 18 damage. Let's see here, number 5. He's gonna wedge himself in here. Let's see, raise his greataxe up and that'll hit. 13 damage. Alright, this is what we're gonna do. Strahd is going to rear back and he is going to bite down at Craig. That is going to hit. That is 44 damage to Craig. And then Strahd is going to pick Craig up in his gaping maw here, clamp down and fling him across the battlefield.

Behind him, generally. So Craig is going to go flying back to about here. And that is going to cause him another 10 damage. Strahd is going to pop his second action point. Balur. Which is his last action point. And he is going to use... Dick toast. He's gonna toast these guys' dicks. He's gonna use another tail strike. So going down the line, paladin number 12, that is a hit, paladin number 11, that is a hit, paladin number 3, that is a hit, and paladin number 9, that is a hit. Any of those crits? Nope. I checked, nope. You got three 12s in a row though. I see that.

There should be some sort of prize. Number 9 is dead, number 3 is dead, number 11 is bloodied, and number 12 is bloodied. So all four of these paladins are going to go falling back, just flying back. Two of them are just going to be hurled ragdoll-style into the air. And their limp bodies are going to tumble against the soft grass and rocks. And they're not going to get back up. Bree's turn. Bree has to charge, so... Fuck, man. She's just getting used to her powers. It's understandable. So she's going to do half damage on her next attack. Craig is not going to move on his next turn.

One, because he gave up his turn, and two, because he has a tremendous amount of pain currently. So, paladin of chord number 6 is going to try and pick up the slack here. And he is going to raise his sword above his head and strike down at Strahd. And that will hit. 13 damage to Strahd. Paladin of chord number 12 is... Oh, across the ground. So he's going to stand up, fire a crossbow bolt at Strahd. That's going to miss. Number 1 is going to move forward. Raise his axe above his head, bury it in the side of Strahd. Strahd has taken quite a bit of damage, so he is oozing blood from a couple of different wounds here.

He's not bloodied yet, but he is definitely showing some signs of battle. Like, he's getting scarred up a bit. Like, little nicks and cuts all over him. And... 14 damage to Strahd. He is going to race up to Strahd and use holy charge. I don't think any holy charge is hit yet. That is a hit! Hey! That is 22 damage. And... What is the... The next attack to land against Strahd does double damage. To land against it? To land against it. God damn. That's why it's so hard to hit with that, because it's the fucking modifier. Yeah. Hah! Una, your turn! Oh, well fuck. Well, I guess it's not the next attack.

Because then I don't want to waste that. Let's use my last lovely little daily here. It never hits, but... whatever. I should use something that might actually hit. That's probably better. This is a cool one. I don't remember getting this one. I guess I'll use that one. Okay. Bloop-a-doop, attack. Yeah, I'm going to use my move action to sprint. Yeah, I guess I'll sprint up there. And... whoop. Miss. That's gonna miss. Um, but it does do half... no, it doesn't do half damage. I lied. Okay. I guess I'll just go ahead and place a divine challenge on him then. Because I don't really have anything else I can do.

Do you do half damage on him, Miss? No. No? No, I thought I did, but I don't. It's not daily. So yeah, divine challenge, and yeah, that's that. So you are calling Strahd out. Takes ongoing damage from a previous attack. Uh, yes, he takes 1d4 ongoing damage. Oh wait, no, 1d8 ongoing damage. Okay. Three. Three damage. Fuck that damage. Well, Thompson's four, so... Three ongoing damage. Okay. Paladin of Kord, number 11. So you guys have been taking it to this dragon. Like, so far, there are some casualties, but you've been doing remarkably well, I've gotta say. Paladin of Kord, number 11, is going to move forward.

Uh, and he is going to raise his axe into the sky. And swing down on Kord... er, swing down on Kord. Uh, swing down on Strahd and miss... Paladin of Kord 13. Uh, he's gonna use his broadsword. Oh shit, that'll hit. Awesome. Hey, and he gets double damage. Uh... he does, actually, shit. Uh, the next attack to land, yep, okay, so... Uh, what is the max... that is 21 damage, so that's, uh, 42. So another 21 damage. Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh. Yes! Holy shit, we blood-beat him! Oh my god, now he's gonna kill us all! Oh, um... as a result of being bloodied... So, Paladin of Kord 13, um, let's call him Terrence.

Terrence... Instantly drops dead. Plunges his sword into the side of Strahd's neck. Um, and draws it back, uh, and, uh, Terrence is going to draw first blood on Strahd, like a real bloodying attack. As a result of being bloodied, uh, Strahd is going to spread his wings, uh, and start to try and take off into the air. Um, now what is going to happen is, uh, I'm going to ask Una to go ahead and roll an athletics check for me. Oh, one of those my favorite, my favorite skill check. I'm gonna give you an option. Okay. Let's see what the, uh, let's see what the athletics check is first.

Bam! 19! Slaying it. Huh. I'm gonna give you the option of just trying to hold your ground, or trying to grab a hold of Strahd. Falling out of the sky. There's a thunderstorm going on, right? Uh, there would be a thunderstorm going on, yes. Falling out of the sky from riding a dragon mid-thunderstorm is a pretty good way to die. Right? That's pretty, what's more brave? Standing your ground, or, yeah, okay, fuck it, I'm gonna try and grab the dragon. Okay. That's the bravest thing to do, right? I'm just saying, okay, I'm just, I'm just, I wanna paint a picture for the listeners.

Well, okay, just back me up, that is the bravest thing to do, right? Like, I don't wanna make a... It's pretty fucking brave. Maybe so brave it's stupid. Eh, at the heat of the battle, the dragon has just got bloodied, you know. Right, right, you've obviously caused it pain, he is reflexively trying to take off into the sky. So, uh, so he is going to start to flap his wings up and down, and Una is going to reach forward and just kind of grab at his foot. Everyone else, this is going to be a burst 10 out from Strahd. Uh, so here we go. Um, going down the line, let's do this.

Whew. Ah, okay, that will hit number 13. That'll hit 7. That'll hit number 1. That'll hit 6. That'll hit 5. That'll miss 4. Only because it was a crit miss. Yeah. That will hit 11. That will definitely hit 10. That will hit 2. Uh, 14, and that's going to hit Craig. Uh, this will also hit Bree. Okay, so everyone on the battlefield except for number 4. Whew, um, all of these people are going to be thrown back 5 spaces. So let's just rearrange this battlefield. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Holy shit, okay, this guy's going to go back into a small pond. And drown. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. God, this is going to get so nasty.

Okay, here's where things get shitty. Um, 1, 2, 3. Here? Here's where things get shitty? Craig is going to tumble off of the side of this cliff. It's just enough to knock him off the side of this cliff though. This is just enough, like he is just going to tumble over the edge. Um, so, at the very least, Craig is removed from battle and most likely dead. Strad has not taken off yet, but he is absolutely trying to take off. Number 14 is going to... Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Number 14 is going to stand up and... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. He's going to try and fire a crossbow bolt at Strad.

That's going to miss. 4 is still standing next to Strad. He is going to try and plant his sword into the side. Um, that's going to miss. This is not going well. Number 2 is going to stand up out of the water of this pond and fire a crossbow bolt at Strad. That's going to miss. And paladin number 5. Uh, he's going to stand up, fire a crossbow bolt at Strad. That's going to hit. Wait. 66 damage is not correct. Hold on. Damn. That is one hell of a crossbow bolt. Sorry, hold on. 4 damage is more like it. Strad's turn. Strad is going to rocket up into the air. Taking Uno with him.

Awesome. Dude, even if I fall, I don't give a shit. That's just, what an awesome way to go. Oh man. Okay. Can I do a religion check to see if lightning can strike him out of the sky? I think it's a bit much. Bummer. What if I crit? Kord, do me a solid here. Come on. Kord himself high fives, Uno. On a crit religion check. I got this. And then just... Oh, if only. Okay. Can just like Twilight of the Thunder God be playing in the background, please? I think I can manage that, sure. Why not? Fuck it. If I die, that's my death song. Okay. Strad is going to bend his neck all the way to the left.

And he's going to use something called Immolate Foes. And he is going to target five of these paladins. And a white hot jet stream of fire is going to rocket out of this dragon's mouth. Let's see, number 13. That'll hit. Surprise. That'll hit. Number one. That'll hit. I want to see someone get crit by this just to see how much damage it can do. Number four, that'll hit. And number nine. Or number eight, that'll miss number eight. Number eight's just like, "Holy shit!" He's like, "Oh my fucking god!" 13 is dead. Seven is dead. One is dead. Four is dead. And half damage on eight. 25 damage.

Whew. Okay. Just incinerated. Yeah, they... What Una would see from the back of this dragon is a brilliant flash. And then these bodies aren't even moving. You would see them, the ones that were still standing, tumble forward and just... fiery corpses, that's it. They're not even moving. It looks as though their flesh would be stripped away and baked inside of their armor. What little armor that would be remaining. It looks like empty suits of armor that have fallen over. That's pretty swift death. That's not too bad. It's as deaths go, yeah. As deaths go! As deaths go, there's worse ways.

Whew. Okay. Brie is going to look up into the sky at this... She looks terrified. Absolutely terrified. Whatever she does, it's going to be half damage, so I guess just do a Force Blast. That is going to just miss. Fuck. Alright, Paladin of the Hood. Who, me? Yeah. I'm trying to add this up. This is not going well. Where's number 12? Oh wow, he's way the fuck back there. He's going to use both... Just sneaking away. He's just like, "You know, brave you and all, but yeah, no." He's going to use a crossbow bolt at Strahd. That's gonna... that's a 2. That's going to miss, surprisingly. 8 is going to race up a bit and fire a crossbow bolt into the sky.

That'll hit. 9 damage to Strahd. Una, your turn. You are clinging to Strahd's... Like, you were basically standing on his foot, like kind of braced against his foot, like holding his ankle for dear life. This is not a very advantageous position. I see his balls. You're pretty far away from the balls. Dragons have balls. Sure. Fuck it. Come on. Dragon balls. What does Z at the end... He has 7. Dragon balls. Yes. Fuck. I have a power called "Hold Fast." I feel like that'd be pretty useful. No, it just immobilizes someone. Jesus Christ. I can try insulting it. I don't really have anything that would help me out here.

I don't really know what I'm doing. Now you're in this position. You're like, "Ugh, I didn't think this through." I probably have nothing, so I guess I'll just hack at him. Really. Okay. Yeah, great miss. That's okay, because I do have damage. Yay. Oops. Fucking move the dragon. Take that. 4 damage. 4 damage. And then he takes the 1d8 ongoing damage. Takes the 1 damage. So that's on top of his already... Oh shit, I forgot to roll a saving throw. 12. So he saves for your other... Yeah, so he's gonna take 1 ongoing damage. Can I look down at Bree and yell something?

Um, sure. Okay. If I can see her around the foot, you're just gonna lean as far as you can out towards Bree and just say, "Run, you fool!" 5. 11 is going to move. Move close. Get right underneath Abstrad and fire up. Kind of into the belly area. That is gonna miss. 14. Ah, 14 is going to move forward. Bolt. That's gonna hit. 6 damage. Crossbow bolts don't do a ton, but it's accumulative, like it's doing something, at least. 2 is going to try and get as close to Strad as possible. Fire up. Into the belly. Into the dragon balls. If they get a crit, can they have hit the balls?

Sure. I'm just gonna destroy this fight. It's not gonna be nice anymore. That is gonna miss. Okay, number 5. Following the lead of all these other paladins is going to get underneath Abstrad as best as he can and fire up. Jesus, that's gonna miss. Okay. [sigh] Abstrad's turn. I hope he only has one of those little immolate things. The silence, uh, tells me no. [sigh] What Strad is going to do is use a movement action. He is going to fall out of the sky and take all of his considerable body weight and slam it into the ground. Is it like a bad fall, like an outfall, or is it like a fuck you guys fall?

Which is a bad thing for Una, but we're gonna get to that in a moment. So he is going to fall out of the sky, slam right back down to where he was, and in a burst 2 out from him, there's gonna be a shockwave. So... Bad decisions. Uh, that's gonna hit 5. That is going to hit 8. That is going to hit-- oh, hit 2. And that is going to hit-- that is going to hit number 11. That is gonna kill 11. That is going to kill 2. That is gonna kill 8. And that is gonna kill 5. Let's see, this is also gonna target-- I'm looking for it again, I forgot to-- Okay, this is going to target Una's fortitude.

That is gonna hit Una's fort. Because I have all that fort. This is going to do 19 damage to Una, and she is going to fall off of Strahd and just be adjacent to him now. You will be prone, though. Ah, shit. Bree is gonna witness this, and... Fuck. Did I have to roll on tear date for that run? -No. -Damn. That is-- no. Okay. So Bree's gonna witness Strahd kind of tumble out of the sky, Una fall off of his foot, and these several paladin just die straightaway. Bree is going to move forward, and she is going to use decimate. -Isn't that gonna hurt me? -Uh... It's a burst 5, so no, you're just outside of it.

That will hit Strahd. 47 damage to Strahd, and the ground is going to crack and split open underneath the Bree's fist, starting out from her. That's not really gonna affect Strahd, but it's a thing. Jesus, paladin number 12 is going to run right up next to Una and try and get this dragon's attention. Yeah, don't stand next to me when you do that. Una, your turn. You are prone. Jesus Christ, man. I just want to run. I really do. I just want to fucking leave. Okay. Okay. Fuck. Okay. Stand up. Fucking just... I mean, I'm not even bloody yet. That's pretty nice. Just take a giant breath.

And attack the dragon again. Yeah, 15. God damn it. If I could just hit, that'd be nice. I don't have any action points. I have nothing left, really. No miner, none of them. I mean, it still has... I still have it divine challenged, but I forgot to take the damage for those things, so... Alright, paladin number 11. No, 14. Sorry. One, two, three, four. He's going to race up to this dragon. These guys have no give in them. They just want to try and end this. That is going to miss... Strahd's turn. Strahd is going to swing out wildly with his claws against 14. That is going to hit 25 damage.

That will kill number 14. He's going to take his other giant paw and do the same thing against 12, who is standing right next to him. That is going to hit 31 damage. That is going to kill him, too. It is down to Bree, Una, and Strahd. Bree has to charge. That's a four. It's not my turn, so I can't yell at her, right? It's your turn now, Una. Okay, cool. I'm going to use my standard action to intimidate Bree. I can do that, right? You can try. It's got to beat her will. Her will is probably pretty high, right? She's a particularly willful individual. My intimidate is better than my diplomacy by one point.

I don't get any bonuses to anything. I just need her gone. I don't want her here for this. Let me see if I have any pluses to anything. I don't. I need every skill check I get. This is your standard action, Remessa? Yeah, I'm aware of that. It's not even about killing the dragon anymore. She's getting her out of danger. Una is just going to turn towards her, drop her hammer. Not drop it on the ground, but drop it to her side. She's kind of like beat and just scream, "Fucking go!" And intimidate. Thirty. That'll beat Bree's will. Yes, thank god. Bree is mid-charge here.

You can kind of see it register on her face, though. That this all is kind of lost. This isn't working. And you can see the recognition of that. And she's just going to very slightly nod her head in agreement. Strahd's turn. Okay. When I see that nod of agreement, Una's just going to stand up straight and lift her chin like, "I'm ready for this shit." Strahd is going to look down at Una, the only remaining adjacent character next to him. He's going to kind of narrow his eyes. His head and neck are going to rear back like a snake, and he is going to dart forward and try and bite down on Una.

That is going to hit. Thirty-one damage. That is going to bloody Una. He is going to shake her like a rag doll and throw her towards the cliff. So that is eight spaces. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Where's the cliff in this place? Edge of the map. Okay, cool. God. Bree is going on her turn. She's going to hesitate just for a moment. Don't you dare. Don't you dare. And then she is going to turn and start to run further into the city. She is going to expend both of her move actions, and she is officially off the map. Oh, thank god. Okay. My palms are really, really sweating.

Oh, man. Una, your turn. Fuck. Okay, just make this as epic as possible. That's literally all I have left. Okay. I'll remind you that full defense is a thing. Yeah, but how much is that? This is going to buy me time, right? I guess I'm prone, I'm guessing. You are prone, yeah. Okay. Una will just get to her knees and then slowly stand up. Obviously, having taken a lot of damage. And I can speak elemental, so I'd like to do that if I could. Okay. I'm not sure if he understands that. Even if he doesn't, it's still pretty cool. I'm considering my elements lightning.

I don't know what the fuck that sounds like, but whatever. Um... Jesus, I think I think something cool is there. Okay, um... She will look into the one remaining eye and say, "You have been a worthy opponent, and I am ready." And... not much else I can do. Are you using full defense? I'm just asking. Like, are you just letting it go? Yeah, fuck it. Just pop everything. Just for the lols. Okay. So, are you doing full defense or second wind? Second wind you gain pluses to a bunch of stuff. Full defense you gain. Full defense you gain a plus four to everything, but you don't do anything else on your turn.

On second wind you're gonna get a plus two to everything and you pop a healing surge. Um, I'll just do full defense then. Alright. I feel like healing yourself from mid-battle is a little silly at this point. Okay, here we go. Strahd's mouth is going to open. And you can see, um, you can see the flicker start. He's gonna use breath weapon against Una. Um, and this is going to target her reflex, so... I'm fucked. What fun. Oh, that's supposed to crit. Oh my god, almost a crit. Okay, I have my mythra armor that will allow me to do half the damage. Or take half the damage that's done.

Do you wanna do that? Uh, yeah, I think popping that was a good idea. Okay. So half damage, 19 against Una. Oh man. So this torrent of fire is going to completely illuminate the area and encircle Una as she holds up her shield. Um, it's the same thing with Craig's. It's going to heat up. You can feel this burning wave of heat underneath this blast. But Una is gonna hold on, and that will not be enough to kill her. Una, your turn. Okay. Oh my god, I don't even know what life is anymore. Um... Okay, here we go, I guess. Fuck. Okay, uh... Is Second Wind a standard action?

Uh, yeah. Okay. Um... Let's see. But Llanhan's is a minor. Okay, um... Una's gonna look at the... Actually, that's a good idea. Can I jump into its mouth? If its mouth were open, yes. Is it open? No. Oh. He's gonna shut it after the... Bummer. Okay. Um, is his head low enough for me to hit its other eye? Um, I would let you attempt that, but it's gonna be a negative two to whatever you use, just because it's much more specific. Like that's gonna make a fucking difference? You never know. Um, jumping to its eye, fucking... Okay, um, I'm gonna run up there. Boop, boop, boop, boop.

Um, I can do one more. Boop. Um... And... Pop Llanhan's. So I can heal myself. Okay, almost back to full health. Um... And... I'm just gonna laugh and say "I guess we're not done!" Um, and... Boop, boop, boop, boop. Let's use my lovely little Virtuous Strike. My, like, most bullshitty of powers. Let's just take that down two points. 'Cause I'm going for his eye. Roll. Miss. Crit miss? I can't fucking do anything for goddamn fucking life. Oh well, whatever. Cool. I think he still takes that 1d8 damage from that thing that's been ongoing for the rest of his life. Two damage.

Two damage to Strahd. Goddammit, Jesus fucking Christ. Strahd is going to use Immolate Foe. Strahd, your feeble attempt to swing at him. The fact that you refused to die underneath his flame breath really pissed him off. You are the one person on this battlefield that is hanging on. And not only are you wearing dragon scale armor, you summoned him using the horn of another dragon. Una Analata is an affront to everything that Strahd is. He is going to rear his head back, open his mouth, and instead of the orangish red flame that shot at you before, it is a bright white flame.

That is a 40 to your reflex. Oh so fucked. 47 damage to Una. Again, Una's shield up full, trying to... Her fucking elven armor and shield are keeping her alive at this point, but that is 47 damage. She has 31 remaining. Una, your turn. I still have another land hands. Oh my god, you are pissing him off so bad. That's pretty cool though. Okay, land hands. Two more surges back. I'm such a cunt. Get my plus 10 temporary hit points. I'm literally back to full health. I think. No, I'm 10 points away. No, no. Okay. Yeah, I did pop the armor power already. Or, cat. Sorry.

God damn it. I like to do that. Why do we always call him "the"? They're so cheeky, the both of them. I don't know. Una will just grin and just... Oh god, this is so dumb. Just grin, stare at the dragon, and just say, "Still not dead. Let's keep going." And, attack. I don't even care what I'm hitting if I hit anything. Mm, miss. Of course. I'm just pissing it off. And it's just swinging in front of its face like, "Come on! Hit me, bitch! Hit me! Flame me, you fucker!" Oh god. Okay, he is going to claw at Una twice. So slam. One claw. Slam the other. Both hit. 32 damage. 30 damage.

Una is reduced to 27 hit points. I would imagine that would bring her down to one knee. Just the weight, its power of just striking. Bam, bam. Again and again against her shield. Una, your turn. Okay. She's just gonna launch herself up from one knee. Just streaming blood, I'm guessing. She's been bloodied like several times now. And just yell, "One more time!" And then attack. Miss again, like you do. It's okay. I'm not really assuming anything. Strahd is just done with you. He is going to furiously spin around and try and strike Una with his tail. That is gonna hit.

One, two, three, four, five, six, and... 27 damage. That's exactly how much I had left. Una is going to be knocked unconscious. Wait, one second. That would be Una's turn. Go ahead and roll a death saving throw, please. Oh, big girl. Ha! Great move. Strahd is going to... Strahd is going to give it a second. And he's going to kind of wait to see if you get up. Because this has been a very... Very effective attack before. Because the other soldiers that he's hit with his tail did not get up. And after the fire, and the claws, and finally the tail... Strahd is going to take it that you are not going to get up anymore and that you are dead.

And Strahd is going to turn his attention back towards the city. And he is going to spread his wings. And he is going to take off into the sky. Now let's see, that is... Let's see if that hits. I don't even have to roll. That is going to hit Una's fortitude and she is going to go back five spaces. To the edge of the cliff. Right to the edge of the cliff. And he is going to take off into the sky and fly back to this tower. I think that's probably a good time for us to stop. For today. I leave for like five seconds, what did you guys do? Oh, Jesus, I didn't know you were back.

I came back to close everything and I saw Una's hit points and I was like, what the fuck? When I left she had seventy. That didn't last long. Can I say something real quick? Go ahead. This is literally, and I don't use that word because it is so overused, this is literally a cliffhanger. Yes. Una is most likely going to die here. I don't see a way, I mean I want to give, the biggest thing is I want to give you guys a chance to fucking roleplay. So I didn't want to keep this going. But, yeah, I don't, yeah, there is no one to heal her. There is nothing, I don't know, we are going to see what happens though.

So, yeah, this is not great. Pretty cool way to go though. You fought a dragon. Fought a dragon, was the last person standing on the field and screamed at it before it mauled me. Not bad.