Black Sheep

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I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, start with Lisa. Hey, I'm Lisa and I play Elorath Beestinger, the slough fever barbarian. And Bree. Hi, I'm Brianna Marie and I play Klara, the fighter drow. And Mac. Hi, I'm Mac and I play Caloon of all years, the wild and druid. And Zac. What's up, my name is Zac and I play Avalyn Bates, the human fighter. And Jane. Hi, I'm Jane, I play Ephene, the gnome bard. And Jasper. Hello, this is Jasper, I play Maric, Ethelred, human cleric. Well, obviously last session we got a little bit of bad news, but we're not going to let that slow us down.

We're going to think positively. We're going to forge ahead. You guys have your heart set on Brightport. You're thinking that that is your best opportunity to find a pretty experienced cleric. Am I right so far? Amen. Define positive thinking. We're not going to think about infection or boils or death. No, I can't do that one. Okay, well, we're not going to talk about it in front of Elorath. Thank you. Doable. So what we're going to do is we're going to pick up on the 13th of Yesdi. Now, the loose timeline that you were given is about two weeks. Now that's if things are going in your favor.

And again, it's kind of a slippery timeline, right? It all depends on your constitution and how willing your immune system is, is willing to fight for you and keep you alive. Every couple of days, I'm going to be asking you to do a little constitution save, and we're just going to cross our fingers and hope for the best. Does that sound pretty good to everybody? Now, Jason, I have a question. Let's say she is strong enough to keep fighting this off. Could she potentially feel better herself? No. Is it something like that or is it just a matter of time? There are illnesses that, again, you're talking your category ones and twos that you will just get better over time.

Again, you come down with a case of the sniffles. You're not going to die from that unless you take horrendous care. We're talking, you know, just being free and like no bundling up. You don't eat. You don't that type of thing. You could get really bad, but the odds are insane. Most times it just goes away on its own in a week or so. And you're fine. Something like this. It's not going to go away. It's not something you can just not go to the hospital. Any other questions about the illness before we get rolling? How far is it to Brightport? How many days? Well, as we discussed last time, you did get a cart.

Now, this does a couple of things. It's going to speed you up a little bit because you have a horse and you basically kind of got this flatbed cart type thing that a bunch of you can ride on. So that's going to speed you up a tiny bit. At the very least, it's going to make it so that Elrath doesn't have to over exert herself. And that'll give a bonus to these con saves. So that is good news. In total, if weather is working with you, right, you're looking at nine and a half days from where you are to get to Brightport. OK. And again, totally doable, right?

Totally doable. Yes. OK, so here's what we're going to do. Is there anything you would like to do in the town of Lockfort before we get going? You kind of said your goodbyes to Jordana last night. They set you up a little cart and horse, not the youngest horse, but totally can get you where you're going to go. Is there anything you'd like to do before you leave town? Was there any sort of like medicine or anything to help stave off the effects? Or no? Well, at least make more comfortable, like you're not like dry heating or something all the time. And Jordana gave us something.

Yes, she did give you a couple of herbs. Essentially, you're looking. So there is a natural cure that could be it would take some applications, but it's something you could do naturally that didn't involve faith or magic or anything like that. But you're going to need Northern Nettle for that. She gave you the rest of the ingredients, though. So if you could find that, which is kind of it's a more rare herb, that's the stuff you would have been trekking through the mountains to get if you would have went that way. But that's another option. If you could find somebody who sells that, totally that could be combined with the other stuff.

And that could be a solution right there. So that could be plan B would be try and find an herbalist of some sort. Absolutely. Possibly. But again, that's it's a little more rare. So you're probably going to have to pay out the nose for it, depending on where you are or what connections you have. I have one other idea. If we were to do something to be able to get a faster horse or borrow a horse or something like that, one of us could like high tail it to Brightport ahead and basically just like go, go, go, go, go and either get it set up. Or if there's even time to get someone to come with them and come back and basically shorten the time by maybe a couple of days at the most.

Does that seem reasonable? Should we split it up like that? Or I mean, should we split the party? I was about to say that those are the words. But, you know, in a real world way, I think that could be a potential, you know, like just a little bit of something that might help a little bit make things a little bit quicker. Well, let's do this. How about this? Let's do this in character. So it isn't all just table talk. Let's. Would that be something that Merrick would bring up to the group? Yes. Right. So that's what Merrick saying. Listen, I don't know who who would be best to do it, but I'd I'd be willing to try to go ahead alone on horseback if I could find a horse.

I mean, it's a pipe dream probably anyway. We don't have any money. But if I could get there faster, it would mean that I could try to set something up so that by the time you guys do get to Brightport, we're ready to go. And honestly, the other thing is maybe I could find somebody that could come back out on the on the road and try to try to meet us and at least might save a couple of days. I just don't want to cut it close. Kaluna looks clearly just like, oh, oh, just like not happy with the idea. Anybody else? Anthony's looking probably very torn. She's going to she's going to say I'd be very worried about splitting up, but at the same time, I can see I can see Merrick and what you're saying.

I'm not sure. Quara will turn to Alarath and how are you feeling? How is she feeling? All things considered, it's not that bad yet. Every once in a while, there will kind of be this chest rattling cough type thing, but it's not it's not very often. No shortness of breath, nothing like that. Very, very, very early stages. OK, so she'd probably like look back at her and she'd say something like, oh, not too bad yet. Just you know that occasionally I have to cough, but I'm OK for right now. Then she'll kind of look back to Merrick and do a little half shrug like if if we found a faster horse, then we could just use that to pull the cart and get her there faster.

And if it seems like there's an emergency, maybe then you could take that. All right. That's that's fair. Worst case scenario, you bring Alarath to Brightport alone on the horse. I can do that. Alarath, this is ultimately your decision because this is for you. You want us to stay together? I just I don't want somebody to go out alone if you don't have to. OK, but if we have to. Yeah, I get it. I get it. Let's stay together. And you know what? Maybe that's a good idea. Clara has a good idea. If we need to do something, maybe it would be easier to go on a horse alone.

I don't know what the situation is here, Jason, in terms of how we got the horse and cart and all that kind of stuff. Would it be worth talking to Jordana again or would it be well, that's the reason you got the horse and cart. That's what I'm saying is like, is it is it worth trying to talk to her and say, like, hey, you know, can we find something faster or is it worth going through town to try to talk to somebody? Well, OK, here's here's the deal. The reason you got the horse and cart is essentially because Clara spoke up and offered to trade the 50 gold that you were getting paid for a favor, because obviously a horse and cart is worth more than 50 gold.

But this is this is Jordana pulling strings. This is like, OK, I'm going to do everything I can. So that's probably the best you're going to get. OK. OK. All right. What if we like, OK, I have 23 gold. I don't know how much everyone else has, but like, is that kind of being like, I have 14 dollars. When can I buy a car? Or is it more like. Oh, no, that's I mean, if you guys all pulled your money, you could probably get a halfway decent horse. It'd probably be better than the one you have now. So there's a chance of being able to get something better if we pulled our resources.

Yeah, I'd do that. Yeah. Do we do we want to shell out all our money here and get to Brightport? Yeah. Find an herbalist and be broke. Oh, that's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. OK. All right. All right. I only have four wing rings anyway, so. Yeah. Same plan, I guess, except with just one horse. So we'd have to abandon the cart if we had to do that. But right. Let's just well, I mean, let's just get on the run. Yeah, we we haven't even started yet. Right. So let's just worried. We should probably wait until things get more dire, you know. All right. It's just there's nothing between here and there, you know.

That's a good point. All right. Let's just we got to get on the road. And honestly, we're wasting time, right? We have we have to stop in Whitehead, right? Unless we're just going straight across. Well, that is a very interesting question. I have an Oregon Trail situation for you guys. No, no. God, don't deal with to me. I always stuck at that game. I never actually. Hold on. Hold on. Let me call my grandma. She's good at Oregon Trail. Hold on. Oh, what an odd thing. I think for a grandmother to be so good at. Well, she was a nurse. So like she knew like, no, I would play it on my computer and I would get her to help me because I'm dumb and bad at video games.

Wow. I am also dumb and bad at video games. There's a few things that you can do to to potentially shave time off in getting to Brightport. Now, obviously, there's a risk and reward, right? So you can head from Lockford south to Whitehead and then north to Brightport. All right. That that is the standard, safest way to travel. That is what the main road is and all that. You can also cut across from Lockford and try to make it to the main road that leads to Brightport by cutting clear across the wilderness. This, if someone would like to roll a survival check, I can tell you what the party might know about doing something like that.

I have a plus five. Does anyone have better than a plus five? Negative. Nope. Plus five. Nope. OK. I'm scared. Yeah. Eleven. Eleven. Eleven. It's more than ten. Yeah. Yeah. Way more than ten. Oh, well, that wasn't for me. I was just doing that for five. Well, I feel better about myself. Thanks. So, OK, a few things. One, whenever you venture off the main road and especially if you're in a cart, if you're on horseback or walking, it's not a huge deal. But if you're in a cart or wagon or something like that, there's always the there's always the chance that you can get stuck.

You could break an axle. Bunch of different stuff. Obviously, that would cost you time. On top of that, there's wildlife. Wildlife doesn't tend to stick to the main roads. So you will the chances of you running into something in the wilderness, out in fields and forests and stuff like that. The the odds go up. That could slow you down. And of course, before you would get to the main road on the other side, you'd have to cross a river. Now, those are the negatives. The positives would be that this could shave a total and this is if everything went in your favor, it could shave almost three days off of your journey.

So the road is the standard nine days route? 9.5 from Lockford to Whiteheadge, then Whiteheadge to Brightport. OK. I look it's three days faster if we go from Lockford straight to the road and then straight to Brightport than if we go to Whiteheadge. But that's if everything goes right. We've got too many moving parts like a cart, like random encounters, like whatever, whatever, anything going wrong. That means that that six and a half days is going to no matter what we do, turn into seven and a half days, which is going to turn into eight and a half days, which means we might not make it.

So I'd rather go with what we know and go safe and get you there, even if it's cutting it close and then have you be healed in an instant, then have you be stuck in a field and who knows what or not even die from sloth fever, maybe die from something eating you. You know, like there's a lot of joy in eating fever. Remind me to tell you about a rock, a stone giant. But I agree with you because you guys are already kind of putting your asses out there for me and I don't want us to get in any more bad stuff than we have to. Because I can't help if we get in trouble because I'll get sick and she's gonna be very sad for a second.

Kallen is going to instinctively like go to pet Elrath and go wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I think I speak for everybody here. Your ass is our ass, Elrath. I think Clara is just gonna look really confused for a second and then just kind of like, okay, get what you're going for. Kallen is laughing. Just like, it's inappropriate, but they're like. Maric's gonna get confused and then sort of do the math on his fingers like we did. Was that? Yeah, right. Clara is gonna kind of nudge Elrath with the butt of her weapon because she is wearing gloves. But, you know, just in case and think about this way, if anything eats you, you'll get the final revenge.

Oh, thanks. Kallen is gonna like hold up a finger like, OK, OK. Could cause a plague, but whatever, it's fine. Still. So it sounds like we're heading out on the main road. Let's do it. Woo. Well, this means a couple of things, but first, who wants to do me a favor? You know what? Who hasn't rolled in a while? Jane. Jane, do me a favor. Roll a flat d20 to see how your adventure south is going to kick off. Jane, she's our man. If she can't do it, no one can. Yay. Wow. Yes. That's a 16 for everybody at home. Heading south to the town of Whitehead. Your first day or two is actually going to be is going to be really pleasant.

Weather seems to be cooperating for the most part. Some light showers every once in a while, but they'll last for like 20 minutes and then kind of go away. It's been a little overcast. So in terms of it being hot, it's cooled down quite a bit. It's always unpleasant to walk in the rain, but, you know, it's cool. Your little cart is bobbing up and down and bouncing. One of the wheels is a little it feels like it's a little off center or one's just a tiny bit larger. So every once in a while, I feel like anybody sitting in the back, it would start shaking you to the left a little bit.

And every once in a while you go, oh, I moved. And you got to move back and scooch. But other than that, it's pretty pleasant. It's kind of nice to not have to walk 53 miles or so to Whitehead. So two days down in the bag. It is the evening of the 15th. Quick before we move on. Whenever we take breaks, I don't know how to do this, but Kaluna would like to try and gather herbs. I don't know how to do that. I know I had the kit to do it, but I don't know what else to do. It's essentially a skill check. Are you? Yeah. Yeah. What do you is there something in particular you're after?

No, not at all. Just sort of like, oh, that's a useful thing. Oh, that's a useful thing. Northern Nettle you are. I mean, I don't think that's around here, but if I see it. If it just happened to be. That's like it basically miles away from its groza. Not near a mountain. Southern Nettle. Yes. That one kills you. I am so impressed with how many people remembered the name of that plant because I had no idea. Like I'm impressed with all of you. I think I said it earlier, but still. Did you? I wasn't paying attention. I'll take that compliment. Thank you. That's all I wanted.

I just wanted to compliment my team or whatever. I wanted to be nice to my friends, but they hate me. So, yeah, what do I do? I'd say roll a nature check for me. Hell yeah. Can I take a moment to be really fucking bitter about 5e because now nature is intelligence instead of wisdom. So now my nature is lower. It's still decent, but I'm mad. Back in the day, people had plus 19s and 21s to things like nature. I've essentially made you a god. Jason, my perception of my survival is plus five and my nature is a plus three. And that makes me sad. Well, I get it. So, this area is there's a lot of basic stuff in this area, essentially.

You know what? The basics are important, too. They are. They're totally important. And you could sell these to... So, okay, there's all kinds of people who are like junior herbalists or herbalists in training, something like that. Oh my god, I'm playing WoW again. Well, you could sell the stuff you picked up. You could sell that kind of stuff for probably somewhere in the area of like five, maybe ten gold if you're really barter. And you could probably sell that to somebody in a small town, something like that. Someone's just getting started and they need the raw materials, but they don't want to go out and spend three hours looking for it or finding it.

They don't want to spend their whole day clicking on grass. Exactly. So you went to Elwynn Forest and you did it for them. God. But yeah, that's pretty much that attempt. Doing that kind of thing, you may find all kinds of stuff depending on where you are in the world. So, yeah. I'm going to try and remember to do it every single time. Sure. I'm going to mark that down that you did it this time. Yay. Now we can do important things, guys. Yeah, if you're done picking flowers, we kind of saw someone dying from the plague over here. Yeah, listen, I made you a nice crown, though, so at least you'll die pretty and fashionable.

Oh, that's a funeral crown. Oh, it's behind the smell. Oh, no. Oh, it's death potpourri. What do we say about being negative? I want to make a nice lightheaded joke. What pretty flowers? You're about almost halfway, actually, to Whitehead. You're not too far out. It is nighttime. You guys would be settling down to get a campfire going and get some rest. You got the carts pulled to the side and horses getting fed and watered. Elorath. Yes. Here's the good news. Now, the good news is you're kind of just chilling in this cart all day, and that is saving energy. So I'm going to get ready and ask you to do a con save for me.

Now, you're going to get a plus one to that because you haven't exerted yourself. Yay. OK. Don't you have something, some sort of natural? Yeah, I have Stout Resilience, which says I have advantage on saving throws against poison and I have resistance against poison damage. That's during combat. So, yeah, that's what I have is that if you want to stretch that to say that that's my thing. I'm going to say no. But now here's what we will do. The number to beat is 13. Oh, God. OK. This is a pretty grizzly illness. Now, obviously, the more the more these checks you fail, the worse things are going to get.

Now, I'm going to ask you to roll two. The first one is for the actual disease itself, what it's doing to you internally. The second is purely cosmetic, what it's doing to you externally and how you look to the rest of the world. No, I am so pretty. We just talked about this. Now, it's been two days on the road. I would like you to roll a con saving throw for the actual illness itself. OK, so a plus one with a plus one. Oh, God. Thirteen or higher, everybody. That's the number. OK. Yeah. All right. I'm sick. That's why she was one. You're going to be coughing up blood.

That is an amazing. Still thinking negatively. That is an amazing roll. That's 18 plus the three. That is a 21. So essentially, this is not it's not hitting Elorath too badly yet. Right. This is it's one of those things where it's it's you know, you have it, but maybe it's just the adrenaline of like, we got to go. We got to get going. Let's go. And it's just it's not hurting you too badly. Yes. Now, what I'd like you to do is roll a second one for me, and this is purely cosmetic. This affects nothing in game, but how you look and the things that might be happening.

All right. Is this a plus one as well or just flat? This one's this one's yeah. Con save plus one because you've been kind of resting. OK. Hey, wow. So you don't even look. My skin is actually clearing up. It's weird. You've got that fucking beauty rest. I'm glowing up. It's amazing. Those pores, though. They're not existent. Until they start bubbling. Oh no. So you're you're looking good. So it's been days. You're you're looking good. You're you're you're feeling you're feeling pretty good again. That cough every once in a while, like we're talking, you know, every six, seven hours, it'll kind of be about of of just kind of a cough.

Like almost like you swallowed wrong, something like that and that type of thing. And you just and you need to compose yourself. But it's pretty rare and it only lasts for a few a few seconds, maybe a minute, and then it kind of goes away and you're good. Good rules. Yeah, very good rules. Excellent start. Now, let me ask everybody, you got this campfire going and things have been things been pretty good so far. Is there anything you would like to do? Play the harmonica. I was going to say that I'd probably have, Efni would probably conjure an unseen servant whenever we camp and just have it kind of tend to Elorath, have it like fetch food, wasps or kind of whatever she needed.

She'd have that going on. Smart. Oh, she hates every part of this. That's what I was going to ask. How does Elorath react to being waited on hand and foot? She hates it. Hates. She understands why, but she's like she's not going to be ungrateful. She's just like you could tell she just hates being pampered. Any kind. Any kind. Efni will probably see that, but just like really grin at you really big like, it's tough. This is what's happening. We're taking care of you. Deal with it. Just cough in her direction the next time it happens. Not really, but like a fake cough, just puh.

Merrick, honestly, at this point, Merrick's probably going to try to get sleep, like just bed down. Kaluna can use spells too. Kaluna will use a little droid craft to predict tomorrow's weather. What does my magic weather orb say? It's so dumb. I love it. It seems like it's going to be another like another sunny day. It doesn't. No storms are brewing. Nothing. Nothing that would slow you guys down. Cool. Anybody else want to do anything? Uh, Aveline is woefully spell-less. So, you know, he'll just kind of kind of bed down as well. He's kind of this is over his head because apparently, you know, Elrath's supposed to be dying, but she looks fine.

Understand what's going on. You know what spell everyone knows? Sleep. Yeah. Self cast. I'll leave. I love it. Oh, God. So next morning. What if somebody did have sleep and like she was just sleeping the whole time and definitely not exerting herself? I don't know if I can even learn sleep. Is that even a thing? Would it like like almost like a induced coma type deal? Oh, like a Kryptonian healing coma. Right. Right. Oden sleep. Convenient Oden sleep. I like how Oden sleep isn't stupid, but the Kryptonian healing coma. Because Oden sleep sounds cool. Put her in the iron lung is basically.

Will she come back in a leather jacket? Is the only question. Yes. She's the most kid. That's it would essentially be you'd still get the plus. It wouldn't because you're doing pretty much everything but sleep right now. Like you're doing as little as possible. I would imagine you're bored out of your mind. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She would much rather be sparring with Clara or, you know, swinging or sharpening or whatever, anything. So 16th of yes. Now that's two days down. This is your third day on the road. Let's see. I'm going to pick Zach. Oh, boy. Do me a favor.

Roll a flat T 20 for me. All right. Here we go. Roll it right now. Today. I'm in a red. Here we go. You got to brace yourself. That's what I'm talking about. What you just did. I just kissed you on the mouth. You have the best. We didn't use that. I am sending you twenty dollars that I don't have right now. So I'll send my PayPal. Thanks for the 20 spot. Appreciate it. A few hours are going to go by and you're pretty early into your day. It's not even noon yet. And you're going to hear a lot of ruckus. Again, carts bouncing along. I'm not exactly sure who's going to be.

I imagine you guys are taking turns. You know, riding the horse like like steering. Yeah. Yeah. So you know what we're going to do? Let's let's let's do this. Here you go. Five. Colina is currently the one. I don't know why I'm so excited. The last time you were in charge of a horse. This did not go well, but we're going to see. Excuse me. Where's the unicorn? I have been in charge of. Oh, my God. Freckles. OK, wow. I want to call the horse patches, but that's wrong. I've been in charge of freckles and freckles did not die under my care if she died at all. See? Per snickety though.

Don't fucking talk to me about per snickety. Every time I'm in a call with my brother. Hey, hey, remember, remember per snickety? Yeah, I remember per snickety. You fuck. I just like to remind you that drow are technically elves and I'd rather not die. We're already past the unicorns and I already thought of that. Thank you, Bree. Oh, past is a... Oh, I already thought of that, though. So we're good. We're not recruiting unicorns. Nobody's dying from unicorns. I like that you talk about them like they're a little army. Mm hmm. Anywho, you guys are still riding southwest or southeast to Whitehead and you're going to hear a noise and it's kind of off to the side here.

You're going to hear a horse kind of kick up and whinny. And what it sounds like is someone rolling sacks of potatoes around or something. And if you if you looked in the area where this is coming from, you could see a lot of dirt and dust because the the road's been kind of dry right here for a little bit. You're going to see tons of that kicked up. And it looks like it looks like two guys just beating the shit out of each other. And they're going to be just off to the side of the road here. The road kind of flattens out and there's no slope or anything that would lead off the road too much.

Like if you were to drive off, you wouldn't fall. It's just flat land. And it's going to be two guys, one kind of dressed like a farmer and the other wearing leathers. Looks kind of like the rogue. And the farmer looks like he's just laying in to this other guy. Just just it looks like they were both riding horses, at least at some point, and one of them tackled the other. And they're just going to town on each other. What would you guys like to do? I feel like Clara would run forward and try to like separate the fight. It sounds like it's a fistfight, right?

Oh, yeah. No weapons. No weapons. So, yeah, she would she wouldn't feel any like danger in running over to try to separate it. So as you approach, do me a favor. Roll a perception check for me. Oh, good. Let's see. A negative one. If anyone would like to join me. Oh, hey, actually worked out. Guys, you guys. Okay. You guys are on fire roles wise tonight. I don't see anything bad happening to you at all. Shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! What the hell, Jason? You sound rude. I was trying to pay a compliment. I get a plus five on the next one for nothing. See, that that's a lesson for you guys at home.

You try and pay a compliment. You try and be nice. Try and be positive. The whole session. That's like the fourth time that's happened, actually, in this one session. Every time someone's tried to be nice, everyone is just sitting on the floor. It's true. We're good friends. So, as Clara's approaching, the one in really plain kind of cloth clothing, like your browns, your very farmer-esque standard wear for someone who's not very well off, is just screaming at this guy. And every time the guy in leathers tries to get up to his feet, he just lays into him.

Just wild, reckless haymakers. And the one clear sentence that Clara is going to make out as she approaches is, "You son of a bitch, you slept with my wife!" And is going to, again, punch the shit out of this guy. Blood is going to, is very visible on the man in leather's face. And there's one other thing. These two appear to be twins. What? Oh my god. Oh man. Okay. That's not going to stop Clara. If he had said daughter, she might have stepped back. But wife, it's like, okay, we can just... How would she know? Sorry. Excellent point. I think that might be what happened.

I don't know. Anyway, the point is separating them. Because this doesn't feel fair. Like, it's the only reason. Like, he's on the ground. Should be over now. The guy getting the shit kicked out of him is laughing. Like, he is openly laughing at this guy. Jesus Christ. How? Okay. Help me help you. Help me help you. How would you, is this more of a physical, like, get the hell off? Pulling? Are you trying to approach diplomatically? How are you trying to separate these two immediately? I think at first it would be kind of stepping between them and putting their arms out.

Like, "Hey, hey, hey!" To see if that works. Like, she's not going to immediately just grab the dude. But like, kind of, that would be her first instinct. If that didn't work, then she might have to try more. Okay. I feel like... Okay. So, both of them have kind of a shoulder-length, messy brown hair. The guy in leathers is a little more put together. Like, a little more kind of clean-shaven. And the guy throwing the punches is going to see... It's going to see Clara get in the way and try to... Not trying to hit Clara, but just trying to get around a little bit.

And the other guy's just... The other guy's mouth and nose coated in blood is still kind of like... Kind of chuckling about all this. And then when Clara kind of separates the two, the guy in leathers is going to turn to Clara. "Hey, dirt elf! Get your goddamn hands off me!" Oh, wait a minute. What the shit? Does the party hear that? It's not quiet. Kaluna's going to pat the horse's face very gently, and then stomp on over and pull out their fucking totem like motherfucker. Yeah, Evelyn's going to fool his arms. Just not approving. That was not right. That was not okay.

I don't like that. The other elf's going to sit up. "Hey, the fuck you say?" "I can't do shit, but the fuck you say?" He doesn't know that. He's going to immediately take his forearm and wipe the blood away from his mouth and nose. And he's going to kind of hawk up this disgusting blood-coated loogie and just spit on the ground. And kind of take a defensive stance. The first time he's taken that defensive stance, and he was in a fight. But he's looking at Clara when he's doing that. The guy in plainclothes is going to move to take one more swing. Just kind of gently try to brush Clara aside and then take one more swing at this guy.

How would Clara react? Okay, just to get it straight in my head, the guy on the ground's the one that called me a dirt elf, right? Yes. She's still going to try to stop the other dude. Just wanted to make sure I was right. Part of me is like, "Just hit him again, fuck it." Do me a favor, roll a Strength check. Oh, this is going to go well. Strength. Alright, that's just a flat check. Will this work? No. If I do this? No. How do I roll just a--if I just hit Strength. There we go. Okay, sorry. Oh shit, I hit it twice. No, I did. I helped. Oh, can we use yours? I like yours better. [laughter] That's a ten.

So this is, um, okay. This is, like, you're pretty much breaking even with this guy, right? He can't quite get close enough, but he's going to, like, kind of swing, and kind of, like, swing behind you. And he's gingerly doing it because he doesn't want to hit you. You haven't done anything. But he is going to stop after a bit, and the guy in leathers is going to stand up and kind of catch his breath a little bit. Again, just wiping that blood away from his mouth. And he's going to kind of raise his hands in, like, a come-on motion. He's like, "Come on, let him go.

Let him go, come on." And he's almost imploring Klara to just let it happen. I feel like Klara's going to look over at the group at this point, because, like, the slur took her back a little bit. But, like, she's going to look over to, like, Marek and Kaluna and Eph and Ene and Avalon, who I imagine are all closer than Elrath, who I think is still in the cart. Yeah, she is. But she's going to kind of look over all of them, like, "What the fuck do I do in this situation?" Marek is going to, I mean, of course it's an obvious look, like, "What the fuck?" He's going to look back and just shrug and then point at the road, like, "We gotta go, man." Don't have time for this.

This is a domestic dispute. Elin's going to shake his head, insinuating, "Just let him go." They're twins. Only one can survive anyway. I have an idea. Wow. I like that one. That makes me happy. That would be, like, a fundamental belief. Come on, twins. Eventually, one has to go. I mean, I was going to ask you, Jason, how rare are twins? Um, I'd say a little more rare than they are in real life. So, I mean, it's not completely uncommon, but you do see them around. I'd say it's more uncommon due to the unpredictable nature of Theria, right? It's kind of, um, it's rare that both, or, you know, triplets or whatever, it's rare that they all would survive.

Because some people go into adventuring, some people go into the military, and not everyone makes it out. Or they're just so spread out that you didn't know they were a twin or triplet. Perfect. That means one has to go eventually, so Elin's, you know. You know, thanks to the quickening. That's right. Kaluna, you had an idea? It's not as good as I thought it was, but I kind of want to do it anyway. Um, so Kaluna's stomped over, like, motherfucker, talking shit about my boys. What the fuck? But, um, Kaluna's going to hold out their totem and use Entangle. Okay.

On the twins. Oh, both of them? Oh, both? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not just one of them, because it's evident that they're just going to keep going. Okay. I thought you were just going to Entangle the racist one and be like, "How did it?" I was. That was the original plan. But it's clear that Clara's trying to make peace, so Kaluna's like, "Compromise. Compromise is putting it on both of them, instead of just the asshole." What's that target again? Uh, they gotta make a Strength Saving Row. Strength Saving Row. You know what? So, okay, yeah, let's do that. Uh, that is a zero for both of them.

Okay, so... Oh my god. Twins! Twins! Uh, this would be, uh... Could I also argue the racist has disadvantage? Oh, no, he did stand up. Just kidding. Sorry. Yeah, he, yeah. Um, let's go with the guy in plainclothes first. That's fourteen. Okay, he's fine. Yeah, okay. Uh, and the guy in leathers? Decret. Okay. Well, I think that gets the point across, though. So Kaluna's going to do that. And I don't know, how did they react, I guess? I would say, so I'd say like brambles and stuff start, uh, start, like, trying to trip them up, but it's like, the fuck? Like, it's more, that is highly unnatural.

And I think that would stop them, for the most part, just for, just for a moment. Um, the guy in plainclothes is just going to back up a bit, I think. That would be his first reaction. Um, the guy in leathers is going to step off to the side, sort of around, uh, around Clara. And he would be facing the party. So he would see Kaluna raise, uh, raise their totem and, and do that, and kind of put two and two together. And he's going to give this, this, this, he's going to hold out his, his arm. And, um, one of his shoulder pads is, is kind of painted red.

The rest of it's kind of like, uh, like a dark brown leather. And he's going to point two fingers at Kaluna. What the fuck is that? And Kaluna's, Kaluna's going to just, Kaluna's going to revel in this, like, ah, yes. And they're going to say, "Your worst nightmare." Ooh, good one. Like, listen, it's like lame and edgy, but it's Kaluna. That's, they think it's cool. Okay, calm down Reaper. Basically. Death walks among you. Basically. Kaluna stops it from raining. Dry, dry, dry. I don't know, if I was boxing with my twin and someone came up with brambles and said that, I think we'd put our differences aside for a little bit.

I think it's one of those things that, uh... Oh, your twin fucked your wife. Yeah. That's, so, okay. The guy in plain clothes is going to, is going to kind of turn to the party, uh, specifically after his brother's, like, what the fuck is that, kind of turn to the party. Um, and specifically, Klara, look, I don't know what you people are doing here, but I got this. I can handle this. Dude, I think Merrick might be in the right here. I might just walk away. You could, Merrick says, "You people? What do you mean you people?" White dudes, mostly. Magi's in there from like 20 feet away.

"What do you mean you people?" Never mind. Never mind. That wasn't, that didn't actually happen. That was nothing. Kalin will just sort of do the, um, God, this stupid fucking gesture, the, like, I've got my eye on you shit. Oh, the two fingers and two fingers that way? Yeah, yeah. They're going to do that at both of those dudes, just like alternating between them and just like start backing away. Just like, sort your shit out or we'll come back. And I'm just, listen, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna, this isn't going to go well, but I'm gonna... Hey! Hey! That's intimidating.

Okay. It's seen on intimidation. That's not bad. Ah, the guy in leathers, his hand is going to kind of drift down to his side here and he has, uh, he has a couple of daggers. Uh, and he's just kind of, his hands just kind of floating there. Think, uh, think some Wild West shit where someone's getting ready to draw on somebody, but he's just like, okay. All right. Just kind of sizing up the situation. Oh, now it's McCree versus Reaper. Kalin will sort of wave their totem when they see him, like, lower his hand to his knees, like, "We're already ready, bro." Clara's gonna kind of put up her hands to try to stop this.

Ta-noon. Um, all right. Okay. You two have at it and just kind of like, shoo them back to what, because if they're both agreeing to this, there's no reason to stop them. Like, she came in and, like, saw an attack. They're both in on it. So, cool. You know, if they start reaching for weapons, Evelyn's gonna kind of walk up a little bit into, like, hearing distance and whatever, like, close enough to talk to them. He's gonna say, he's gonna, he's gonna kind of look at both of them. He's just gonna, he's gonna say a word of advice to both of you. Just, uh, try to do it before the other one gets you.

Only one of you can survive. And he walks away. I think the guy in plain clothes would be like, "What the fuck does that mean?" Like, just kind of look at him. Yeah, that's fine. Go get it one day. Evelyn is so wise in the worst ways. If, uh, so, okay, the second you guys back off, I'd say the guy in plain clothes would lunge, uh, lunge at his twin here. And again, like, he is going to lunge and knock him down. His, uh, his forearm will be against his throat, while his other fist is just repeatedly punching him in the face, screaming at him. And through the screams, you would essentially put together a story of this, this, this guy in plain clothes is yelling at his, at his brother, Norman.

Norman. For sleeping with his wife. Now, you're going to get through the yelling because they will, they're going to tussle back and forth if you don't stop them. Now we're all just watching this, like, you know. That's the question. How long would you stand here? Evelyn's watching it and he's saying to anybody who's close to him, "This is nature taking its course." I imagine Kaluna would have, like, gone to stand next to him and would be like, and would also have their arms crossed, like, "Yeah, this is how it works." I feel like Clara would have gone back to the cart, like, just, she's, she's done.

This is stupid type of thing. This is stupid, but as long as you guys are standing there watching, she'll be watching from the cart. Yeah. Merrick's been- I have a quick- Oh, go, go, go. No, just, just quick, just for color, Merrick has, has been standing, leaning up against the cart with his arms folded, just watching. Just have, basically watching TV. This is pretty fun. Clara's going to do the exact, like, mirror you. Like, they're standing side by side, like, a sitcom. There's a lot of arm folding going around. Yeah, there is. We're all disappointed. You started.

Kaluna's just copying everyone else. At least we're all just judging them, that's all. Pretty much. Oh. So, this is, they're really, here's the thing, they're really evenly matched, and most of this is just, it feels like the guy in leathers is just baiting him. Norman is just baiting his brother. And, um, whatever happened between these two, it was, it, it sounds like Norman slept with his brother's wife for revenge. What? That's what it sounds like. This is amazing. He probably ate his pancakes. Never do that. Quick question. I maybe should have done this earlier, so it's fine if you tell me no.

But can I roll to see if Kaluna recognized, like, you said that the leather dude had, like, shit on his armor. Can I see if I recognize what that is? If it is anything? Hmm, you know what? I would be, I'd be totally fine with that. Let's do, give me a wisdom check. Oh, flat wisdom. I'm good at that shit. Watch me roll a one. Holy shit. We're at 19. Okay, we need to stop wasting these rolls. I'm with Elorath now. I don't, yeah, these are bad. Well, okay. Um, clothing, the way you present yourself to the world is a big deal, right? So the guy in the regular ass clothing, he's probably, it sounds like from the tussle, it sounds like he's from a farm nearby, just outside of Whitehead, something like that.

And through the tussle, you're going to find out that his name is Shep. So Shep and Norman are just laying into each other and they're kind of tussling back and forth and, you know, they're both getting into licks now. Norman is wearing all leathers except for the right shoulder guard, and that's painted red. And that is pretty much the uniform, the thing that is for a group called the Fang. It is a, it's a really shitty group, a really large scale gang, essentially, that has been pretty much taking on all comers in the East Coast recently. Really, really not great people.

They'll pretty much take any job. Now, looking at this, it looks pretty evenly matched, listening to these two kind of air their grievances. And essentially Shep is calling Norman a huge piece of shit gang, you know, gang member, just kind of skating through life. Just, and it seems like there's some real deep seated brotherly stuff going on. And then Norman is going to stab Shep. There we are. Here we go. For whatever reason, maybe Shep said something that kind of struck a nerve or Norman... I should have taken away their weapons. I didn't think about it.

Well, Shep didn't have any weapons. It was just fists. Right. I assume they both just had fists. I didn't know. The last words that were spoken through this, you get the impression that Shep's wife didn't know until after. You dick! Norman! And essentially the last words that Norman said to Shep was she didn't complain during and then stabbed him. Okay. I'm guessing we're all running forward at this point. So Merrick... I can. Right. And while that's happening, real quick, Merrick is going to do his thaumaturgy cantrip and he's going to yell. Basically, it's a point right between them, right?

Like right where they are. And he's just going to yell, "Enough!" And it's going to be super fucking loud and should pretty much startle them. Let's do a couple of things, because for something to get to this level, obviously damage was done. These guys were taking a beating up until now. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to roll a flat d20. Now, obviously this dagger hit. So the higher the dice roll, the more fatal this is going to be. And there comes a point where essentially it's just instant death because there aren't levels of fatal. Come on, Jason.

It's D&D, so there's mostly dead. That's true. There's somewhat dead, mostly dead, definitely dead, and super dead. That's true. Oh, good. That's pretty dead, I'd say. This is a natural law of twins. He had to die. That's coming true. Guys, this is pre-written. What are you doing? Why are you moving? You're basically just yelling at the movie theater right now, you know? So essentially what has happened is you're watching these two just beat the living shit out of each other. Minutes are going by. They're both pretty battered and bloody. And at the last second, Norman is going to grab one of the daggers from his belt here and just stab his brother in the throat.

Damn it. And Shep is going to sort of like cling to his hand and wrist for just a second and then loosen his grip and go limp. Now that's just at the time that Merrick is going to scream. And Norman is sort of perched up on top of Shep and he's going to just look up again, face, the lower face coated in blood and just like a wild animal, just hair kind of hanging down in his face. And he's going to very slowly stand up and dagger still clenched in his hand, just kind of back up just a little bit so that he's kind of like kneeling. What would the party like to do?

Okay, we're taking this guy to fucking White Hedge, right? We're tying him up. Number two, Merrick is going to run to Shep and he's going to cast a little spell, Spare the Dying. So he's going to be able to touch a creature with presumably zero hit points and the creature becomes stable. So he's going to make Shep stabilize. Was he dead or dying? Well, okay. Think of it this way. Think of this as reaching... I want him to be alive. I'm just not sure if this... Here's the thing. He didn't hit zero hit points. This is like instant death. So he lost more than his full hit points, let's say.

This is like death. Okay. Well, Merrick's going to try it and if it fails, then it's like, ah, it was too late. Right. While Merrick is doing that, did you need to do a thing first? No, go right ahead. Go right ahead. I'm going to go through Thorn Whip Asshole Man, who doesn't get an aim anymore. He doesn't have that privilege. Let's do a thing. Hold on a second. Let's get a combat tracker going. Yay! Alright, I'm down. Let's do this. Everyone, do me a favor and roll initiative. Okay. Good! Mack does it again. Rolls really high on something that really doesn't matter.

And then announces it like the Super Friends. Meanwhile... I feel like that's the only way to announce it, really. There it is. Just so everyone knows, Clara's going to try to take him in alive. I don't care what you guys do. If anyone wants to kill him, that's cool too. Whatever. I'm with you. Clara's going to try to take him in alive, but I mean, I can't control what you guys do. You could kill this asshole. I don't know. I mean, maybe I want him dead, but... Well... Oh boy, here we go. Now, sadly, Shep is dead. That was a fatal stab wound. It would take a pretty damned experienced cleric willing to risk a bunch to even attempt to bring him back.

Oh, that hurt. No, I'm not. I'm just... You take a cleric worth a goddamn... We take a really not sucky cleric to bring him back. Remember when we had good healers? That's not what I said. Even if you could, you don't know this guy. But I love him. It's a soap opera, Jason. We all love him. That's how this works. I am actually really broken up about the fact that we didn't check for daggers. I feel dumb. Well, I mean, we knew he had them. We just didn't think that he would use them. You keep making really obvious mistakes. Like, don't touch the body. Check for daggers before you let two people fist fight.

It's not our business. Go ahead, Kaluna, go. Well, that was Jasper taking my job again. This is the second time. Strike two. Norman pulls out a bazooka and lets see if it'll be clear. Oh my god, it only has a five foot radius for some reason. That's weird. That's true. Jasper's only been working here for like five days and you already want to fire him. That's weird. I just saw what I do to my twin. Imagine what I do to you people. I can leave. Also, Jasper, are you taking notes on what happens with twins? Just so you know for the future? What to plan for? When you talk to the birds and the bees, make sure you explain to both girls not to sleep with each other, significant others pretending to be the other one.

Oh, it's not the birds and the bees. It's the Normans of the Sheps. The Normans of the Sheps. Sweet Jesus. Yeah, that is definitely what it means. Kaluna. Question. Wild Shape takes a full action, correct? Fuck. That means I can't do fun things. Cool. I'm going to Thorn Whip this man if I can remember where I put my windows. I know last time I rolled. Well, that's gonna miss. There go my good rolls. I should have just done the cool thing instead. Kaluna's going to just pout. Because that's what I feel like doing. Well, let's move on to Efini. What would Efini be doing?

Efini is going to... She's going to move forward just a little bit and she's going to like hold her hand out a little, almost as though she's... Almost in kind of a helpful way. And then she's going to say to the guy, would you like me to remove that curse for you there? Oh wait, sorry. You were born that way. And she's just going to do Vicious Ocarina. Aww, that's a... That should take hit points away because that was fun. What did not work now though? He's going to need ointment for that burn. Yeah, you just see Shev's dead body kind of shake a little bit.

Took some damage too. He's going to fail that save. Excellent. He is mocked. Two damage. Shit, it did do damage. Crap. So here's the irony of the situation. Kaluna's going to whip this thorns all over it and shit and he's going to dodge. And then Efini's going to insult him and it's like, hey. Ow. Feelings. He's going to have a nose bleed or something. Ow. And he's going to kind of shout. He's going to say, none of your business. And just kind of like holding his dagger at the group, like just that up, just kind of a stay back motion. Good luck, son. Elarath. To be honest, it looks like it's five on one.

So Elarath is probably just going to be sleepy and put her chin on the side of the cart. And just watch this happen begrudgingly because she knows. She can't. It's like all the kids are outside playing and you have chicken pox. Yes. She's a bubble boy. Yeah, she is bubble. She's the pouty Jake Gyllenhaal. Saying something. She's got nothing to help either because she's not a rangy character, so. That's it. Merrick's going to just go on up to that dude and he is going to take out his, I guess, his dagger. I'm going to say dick. He's going to whip it out. So he's going to take out his dagger because he's going to take it and hold it like a bludgeoning thing.

He's basically just going to try to bang him upside the head and knock him the shit out. Right. He's going to say, let me do this quickly, troll. He's going to say, it became our business when you started becoming a dick. And he's going to. That'll hit. And. It's yeah. Oh, shit. Nice. I'm trying to knock him out. I know it's not going to happen, but I'm trying to knock him out. You're going to hit him right the side of the head. He's not wearing a helmet. So that is going to rock him. He's like momentarily like, shit. Like just trying to get his bearings. And he's going to grit with determination.

Grit away, motherfucker. Norman's turn. He's going to target Merrick. And he's going to try and stab. And he is not trying to knock Merrick out. And that will miss. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Can I, can Merrick, can Merrick use the same dagger in his hand? He went, he just went whack upside his head. And then Norman was trying to like do whatever he was doing. And Merrick used his dagger like a big old sword to parry that shit. Like, king. I think he's moving slow enough after that. It's probably, it's probably a, like a reactionary. Like you just hit me, I have to stab at you to stop this.

And he's probably just, his bell has been rung so thoroughly that it's probably just easy to parry something like that. No, it's really, really hard. And Merrick knocks it out of the way with his dagger. Like, uh-uh. And my penis grew three sizes that day. It's amazing. And then he just went snap, like boom. Uh, Klara. Alright. Klara is also going to move forward. One, two, three, four, five, and six. Bang. And she's just going to do her two basic attacks. I'm going to like, I'm not sure if it's a thing that I can say, like she's not going to try to kill him?

Yeah, that's all you got to do. Okay, cool. She's not going to try to kill him. So first the short sword. That'll hit. And do I do damage and then long, and then sickle? Yeah. I would. Alright, cool. Damage. That'll knock him out. Oh, but I still got a sickle. Do you want to keep hitting him? I do, but... No. Can she, okay, when he falls down, can she like put her sickle, because it's a circle shape, can she put that like around his neck in the ground? Just, just to be cool. To like hold him there, or? Kind of like if he was pretending or something, like if you try to sit up, it's going to slash your throat open.

Yeah, we could do that. Just kind of a like don't move type of thing. Yeah, he is thoroughly knocked out though. Right. Can we high five? Can we high five since we're next to each other? So... I just want to say, I'm glad I didn't go because Aveline still has his arms folded, nodding. It's shameful. A shameful fact. Mm-hmm. Clara is, right after Clara is going to stand up, like, because I imagine she kneeled down to put that in the ground, kick him in the ribs, spit on him, and then go over to Jeff's body. I mean, uh, not Jeff's. Who's Jeff? Chef's body. Then she's going to go over to Chef's body.

That guy did call you a dirt elf. That's a hurtful term. She pulled up just off the heat. He brought out a dagger during a fist fight. Like that's not cool. That's not too crazy honorable. Kaluna can relate to that betrayal, actually. [laughter] Someone might have stabbed them about 30 times in the kidneys once. Yeah, it was super not cool. In succession. Anyway, so that's what she's going to do. So that'll take you guys out of combat. Now, you have a knocked out gang member, essentially, in Norman. You have a body in Shep, and you got two horses. What the...

Can... This is a bad idea, but I want to do it anyway. Can Kaluna, like, crouch over him? I wanted to say on his chest, but that would probably kill him. You're like, "poop?" No, just like, you know how in the movies, or in video games, like, they open with that scene where, like, the protagonist... Wait, are you trying to see the bag help? That's what I thought! No! No, just like, the bad guy is, like, looming over them. That's what I want to do, just have the face way too close. Oh... Yeah, why would you assume that I would go there? Well, you asked to crouch over, and then you brought up video games.

Yeah. That's a lie, but I have rarely taken back anyone in my life. I have rarely. They deserved it. Alright, so we've got a dead dude, we've got an unconscious dude that's a rapist, basically. Yeah, he is a rapist. When I say basically, I mean absolutely. Totally. Right. And we've got horses? We've got two horses. Give me some idea about the horses. Oh yeah, we've got them. Wait, do they have a cart? No. No, no, no. So there's two horses. Oh, so we have three horses now. Well, you've got the one pulling your cart. I count the cart and the horse as kind of one thing, because, you know...

But each one of these guys had horses. They look to be a little bit faster than what you've got. They're not, again, not the... these don't look to be high end horses, but they, you know, they look pretty reliable. Alright. Nice. Now we're up to three horsepower. No way. Hot damn. Alright. Alright, we've got to do... we've got to get back on the road. We can't waste any more time for domestic disputes. As horrible as they might be, trust me. But we've got to get one of these on a horse, and we've got to get the other one on the other horse, and they've got to come with us to White Hedge.

I'm going to drop them off. Okay. Before we start loading these two onto horses, totally agree, Clara's going to kind of lean down and whisper into the corpse's ear. But you guys won't be able to hear what she said, because she's whispering, and then she's going to throw them on the horse. It doesn't matter. It's just a thing. It matters. Oh, it matters. It's not like he can hear her. We don't know. I'm having trouble playing religious character, for the record. This is difficult. So we're just kind of throwing Norman up on a horse? Oh, we're tying him up. Oh, okay.

No one said anything. Can we please... Can we throw him on there, but like on his back so he's extra uncomfortable? No, we... We'll do it around the gut, because first of all, that'll hurt more, because that's the way horses ride. That'll basically punch him in the stomach every step, and also he'll be slung over in a way that he won't be able to easily slide off. So that was a five. So we're going to just... You tie him up. He's on the back of the horse. So we got Norman on the back of the horse, Shep on the back of his own horse. Shep, of course, is dead.

And you guys are continuing on to White Hedge. The rest of the day is going to be pretty uneventful. Eventually, Norman is going to wake up. He is going to start to shout obscenities at you. Obviously. Kaluna will smack him. Like I said, Kaluna's keeping a close eye on him and they just they do not care. When you say smack him, like in the head or the... Yeah, just like a bop, you know? Right on the booty. No, no, definitely. Definitely. He might like that. The skull is the place. Well, he's an ass head. I think that's strike one. Yeah, he is going to get very creative with language and a lot of...

Essentially variations of bitch and tree and... Things like that. He said the T word? Good God. I know, that's a fucking slur. I'm a shrub. That's the other one. Again, I don't want to repeat these phrases in polite company, but shrub and then the C word is in there. Oh, yeah. Anytime Kaluna knows it's a swear word, they're going to just they're going to bop him. Just like maybe if we do this enough, he'll learn. And also we don't care if it doesn't because it means we get to hit him again. Right. And eventually kind of pipe down, realize that this... Yeah, like a lab rat kind of like touching the electrodes.

OK, all right, fine. You win this round, shrub. He's getting the terminology right now. Violence does solve racism. Always punch a Nazi. So we're going we're going to stop for the night. That is the again, late night 16th. I guess you guys are just going to just keep going unless you guys want to do anything at this at this campsite. We're just going to roll in the next day. Here's the thing. Would it be meta? I don't think it is. Wouldn't it make sense for us to take Norman off the horse overnight? Like if we're stopping? Oh, yeah. And therefore tie him up again in a different way?

Yeah, absolutely. It's bad for horses to eat something else. I know that's kind of meta, but like, I feel... Yeah, that feels rude. It's literally like it will fuck up their back. So yeah, take him off. I would tie him up to a tree, like sitting down like at a tree. Tie him up to Kaluna. Got it. No. It's a buddy comedy. So you're tying him up to a tree. I'm guessing everybody else is kind of just kind of settling in for the night. Now, because it's an even day, Elareth doesn't have to roll yet. Who's tied up Norman? It's still flawless skin. Thank you. Kaluna will do it since Kaluna is on Norman duty.

Okay. Give me a Dex check. Dex duty. Yep. Peace be God. Yes. Okay. That would be a 15. Now, you guys are going to go to sleep. I imagine you're doing the standard take and watch stuff like that. Waking up the next day, getting started. It is going to be a fairly uneventful day again. Nothing crazy. Now, you are in an area called the Moors. Now, there are two things the Moors are famous for. One, it's unicorns. Gorgeous, gorgeous creatures. Now I understand why you said we weren't past them. I thought that maybe we were passing through the area. I was confused. You're coming up on it now.

Now, there's good news, bad news. First of all, unicorns are gorgeous, majestic creatures. Unrivaled beauty in terms of nature. It's very rare to see someone ride them, though. They're incredibly swift creatures. Tremendously racist. They seem to sniff out elven blood. Anything to do with elves, anything. They attack on sight. No one really knows why. It's been looked into. But yeah, they are very, very aggressive. Now, it's kind of a crapshoot when you're riding through. Sometimes they hang out near the roads. Sometimes they're way, way out in the field. Right now, it appears as though they're pretty far off into the distance.

The other thing that this area is known for are gnolls. Quick question. Does Kaluna still have their sick gnoll ear necklace? That thing started to smell almost immediately. It kind of smelled in the first place, I would assume. Yeah, I would imagine, but I needed to make sure. I needed to know how threatening Kaluna is currently. Maric would have taken care of that a long time ago. I was about to say, that was rotten. Like a parent who takes away the favorite blanket. Oh, we have all sorts of things that just disappear and they never see it again. It was just traumatic shit in my childhood.

I also was imagining if Kaluna still had that necklace, that her and Avalon would just be comparing like rotted bear paw and a rotted gnoll necklace. Kaluna totally, if they had known, they would have gotten it preserved, but they didn't. Yeah, mine is preserved. Okay, this is professionally done taxidermy. It only smells a little bit. It's only been two years now, so. It's also heavy as shit, I would imagine. I have no idea if he still has it. I'm not sure at all. Avalon just has a really strong neck now. He does. Well, the problem with the bear paws were so last season.

Yeah, you know. You know what'll be great? No paw. Are they paws or are they hands or are they both? It's kind of their hands for the most part, but the lower of their feet are more paw-like. See, that's what makes them so cool to wear, man. Fuck the label nowadays, you know? Just whatever. So here's the deal. The gnolls are sort of congregating close enough to the road that this could be a problem. It's up to you. Now, you could veer off the road and sort of give it a wide berth. It'll add a little bit of time, but the time isn't the thing that is the issue.

The area in the moors is kind of soggy and the cart could get stuck. So basically you are taking the risk. It's continue on the road just like you were. Or sort of veer off the road, give these gnolls a wide berth, but maybe get the cart stuck. You see, I wouldn't be too worried about the carts getting stuck because we have three horsepower. That's true. It's true. Do we have all three horses tied to the front of the cart pulling in? I don't imagine that way. I don't think that's rocket science, you know? It's a ropes. It's actually horse science. Yeah. Well, we didn't talk about how we tied the knots for 30 minutes.

I don't think we did it. That's true. But you could if you got stuck is the point. Right. We'd have a way to get out of the... Oh, okay. Yeah. We've got to go around these gnolls. We cannot afford... We have to get to Brightport now, right? Yes. Also, we can make Norman pull and push if we want to. He would spit at you. He can spit all he wants to. He's got to pull and pull. Oh! When Clara spit on him, she spit on his face. Has anyone washed that off in the entire show? Absolutely no. Just a second share. God, his face is all crusty now. Whatever. Well, it was crusted in blood to begin with.

Yeah, but now she did a deep like... Like, there's some snot in that. She was pissed. There's also piss. Is that our brand? Is our brand piss? Anywho, go around. Go around. Merrick's advocating go around. We go around. Anybody else? Sounds good. What's the weather like today? You said it was kind of a sunny day? Yeah, pretty sunny. It's not bad. Okay, so going around is the least dangerous option because like probably a little bit less mud than usual. Mm-hmm. Here's what's gonna happen. Oh, boy. Let's do... let's see, let's see, let's see... Lisa. Yes? I want you to roll a flat d20.

On a 10 or higher, the card's gonna get through just fine. Come on, you. Don't fuck this up. Yeah! Hey! Fucking nailed it. Man, those rolls. You're doing great today. Again, I don't see what could possibly go wrong. This is just the best. I could miss a thorn whip. That's what could happen. It's almost like a white dragon could be killed at the end of your session or something. Something crazy like that. Oh, no. Oh, too soon. I don't know. I'm just saying, you never know. So, in what could be a dangerous thing, you guys are veering off the beaten path here. Again, giving these gnolls a wide berth.

Just making sure that you are... Sorry, not to interrupt. I am interrupting. I can't say not to interrupt. That's a lie. Are we going closer to where the unicorns are? No. Okay, just checking, because I would have put Clara in the back if that were the case. No, no, no. The unicorns are not a threat at all, basically. They're way, way out in the field. They're quite a ways away. Now, the gnolls were a bit closer to the road. And again, it was a crapshoot, right? They may have just completely ignored you. They may have picked up a scent and come streaking towards you guys.

May have just decided there's too many of you to bother with or whatever. But on the side of the road that you guys are leaning to, it is a bit kind of soggy in patches. And you're going to hear the wagon wheels just kind of like slip into mud and kind of roll out the other side. Horses are going to just clip-clop through it, just kind of almost march in some places where they have to pick their hooves up quite a bit. And Norman is going to be bouncing around. Shep! Shep is tied to the horse and everything. Shep is not going to bother Shep. But you are going to march clean across to the other side and get around these gnolls just fine.

You are going to be a bit muddy and dirty a little bit. The wagon and horses, anybody riding on top should be fine. Some of this mud is going to spatter up and hit Norman in the eye. Just a little bit. But it's just kind of adding another layer of crust and filth to his face. I don't know if Kalina would see that, but if they did, could they just take some of the mud from their leg and kind of get it on their hand and then just sort of pat his face like, "Oh, are you okay? Are you okay?" Just going for maximum dick, right? Basically, just like, he earned this basically.

He will curse and spit. He will call you a bunch of unpleasant names. We should probably gag him. Yeah, but I don't want to waste anything on his mouth. Let's fill it with spit. Like a dirty sock or something. Do it too much. That's the line. That's where we shot everything on his face. Yeah, spit, snot, blood, mud. That's all fine. Dirty socks. So I would say you march for the rest of the day and you are just outside of White Hedge. Like just outside. You're almost there. Probably another seven, eight hours, something like that. But eventually you got to kind of make camp for the day.

You're almost there. This does mean I'm going to have to ask Eloraf to roll again. So get ready. Are you ready? Yes. Give me a con saving roll. Do I get a bonus for being chill in the... Yep. Give me a plus one. Okay. Oh, no. That's a two. Tried to slide that two on in there. Okay, come on now. Again, the number to beat is 13. Come on. You got this. You got this. Oh, wow. Thirteen. Meeting it counts, right? Yep. Yes. We can buy on the bare minimum. Yeah, that's me. I loved that song so much. If you could record a remix for me. There was a little dance that went with it. You couldn't see it, but I felt it in my heart.

Aw, thank you peanut. Do me a favor. Give me one more roll. This is to again, everybody out there, this to determine what physically is happening with Eloraf. Okay. Plus one. All right. Here we go. Hey, where was that one? But all right. I'll take it. Nice. You just look fucking gorgeous. Her hair is starting to actually fill out more. It's just getting more body. So make no mistake. This, this disease is still incubating in Eloraf. This is still happening. Are you sure? It's gone. I think it's gone. It's cleared right up. You should be able to bottle. You should just spray it some Windex.

Smack it on your forehead like you're Simba. This is still going, but every once in a while, it'll be that cough. Other than that, I would even say that's one of those things that this it's been, it's been days now, right? It's been the better part of a week and you guys been on the road and Eloraf is just sitting in this cart day in day out. Ass is probably asleep half the time. Just, just not, not enjoying this all that much because this cart was not built for comfort. This isn't like a malkus grimness, let's get it padded upholstered, all that stuff.

This is a flat wooden, like, I guess let's curl up on this and then you hit a bump every once in a while. Like just, it's spanking you every once in a while. This is not pleasant. And I'd add a lesser end to that. I guess you say "says you." So like by day four of just that, and you're not getting worse, I mean, I don't know how Eloraf would feel, but this just just kind of put in perspective. She's probably just like grumpy and a little petulant because it's like she knows, but at the same time she's like, well, I'm not getting worse. But here we are in this damn cart.

And she just feels bad because she also feels like a big burden, but that's on the inside. Aww. It's the real disease. It is. You shouldn't internalize these things Eloraf, it's healthy to let them out, you know? Oh sure, I'm sure it let it all out all at once. At a later date. You're welcome. Some real truth for you. Oh wow. Back to the dirty sock. That was... White hedge, yeah. Is there anything anybody would like to do before we head, essentially head into white hedge the next day? No, just keep Eloraf like super comfy. Are there any particularly cool herbs in the area?

This is a pretty common... Right now there's nothing crazy exotic, right? Now, going out and exploring you might get lucky and find something if you'd like to give it a shot. You know what, why not, right? Everyone else has got Norman covered. Nature, right? That's a solid 11. Yeah, you're not going to find much, really. Just kind of... A cool twig. Yeah, that would be like you'd find something for like a sunburn, something like that. It's like, oh, that could be a nice soothing, like an aloe type of thing. It's like, oh, that would kind of take the sting out of that.

Not much else. Nothing huge. But you know what, every little bit counts. It's heading into summer. You guys will eventually have to deal with summer weather and that's just mean sometimes. I mean, my skin will be fine because I don't have any. But you know. So if no one else wants to do anything, we're going to pick things up on the 18th of Yes-T. And... Marek. Do me a favor, roll a flat T20 for me. I'll do it. 16. Have I mentioned today how incredibly lucky and glad for you that I am? Appreciate it. Are you Yoda? What's going on? I don't know what that was. I had a stroke partway through that sentence.

I am for too good you roll. I think it just hurt him physically to get the compliment. I was just getting ready for the backlash of you guys yelling at me. Oh, I feel like I'm just eating the lower rolls. And like I'm still I'm not going to say anymore, actually, on second thought, but I feel like I'm just eating these lower rolls. And you know what? I'm not doing anything important. So just table. Feed me the lower rolls. Feed me Seymour. So what did I win with a 16? Yeah, you'll see. Is it another soap opera? More serious Springer? Sure, please. So you guys are going to...

They slept with each other somehow. Oh, no. It was just a daisy chain of "You son of a bitch, you slept with me." I thought I was my wife. You weren't complaining, though. Oh, no. Good night. Show canceled. So here's here's what's going to happen. Hours are going to pass. The next day is the 18th of yes. And just after about noon, I'm going to be going to the next day. Just after about noon, I would say you would coast into the town of Whitehead. Now, you may notice that as you get closer to the town, Norman is definitely struggling more, cursing more, that type of thing.

Even going so far as to threaten the lot of you. Going into wild fits of "Do you have any idea who I am?" "There's going to be hell to pay." All that type of stuff a desperate person might say. Where's your first stop? What would you like to do? One thing of note. It's been days. Oh, we have a dead body. Shep's not looking great. I imagine we wrapped him in something if we had anything to spare. Nah, he's fine. He barely eats, as it is. Sorry. Shep's definitely drawn some flies, not smelling great. Super chill. Super chill again. OK, wait. Real quick. What's Whitehead like whenever you come to Whitehead?

Is there a big wall with a big gate? It's actually a pretty open town, so there's lots of passersby, right? So you got Lockfort and Brightport coming through, and that's been a lot of their travel through for a while. As of recently, after a couple of years, people are starting to head south because Onakol is starting to become a bit of a tourist destination. So they're actually quite a popular hub right now. They're next to a river, so there's nice sightseeing. It's a pretty open town. It's a little cooler because it's on the coast, kinda. So it's actually a pretty nice town.

Not huge. They got a sheriff presiding over everything. Kind of low in terms of military presence. You got some town guard and stuff like that. But it's pretty clean. Kind of bright. A lot of the buildings are painted kind of a white, something like that. So it's a pretty nice place to stop by. It used to have a problem with bandits and stuff. They've been trying to deal with that, though. Is there any sort of guards or gate type area to let you know that you're in town, or do you have to find somebody? No, I mean, you'd have to pass under. There'd be a sign for White Hedge that you'd pass under.

There's usually someone from the town guard hanging out near there. Mostly they patrol the streets, though. They're not trying to keep people in or out. I almost feel like someone would find us pretty quickly. If there's someone there at all, it's like we have one corpse and one guy just hogtied to a fucking horse. I think we should just dump them off the horses and be like, "Here's what happened. See y'all later." Exactly. Like if we could find a guard, we could say, "We have our own testimony to give, and that's for them to handle." Let's do it. Okay, here's the crazy thing.

As chance would have it, you guys are rolling into town right about the time the town sheriff is sort of by the gate speaking to somebody. So fucking delightful. He's an older, kind of portly gentleman, human. And he's going to see you approach. And one, see the guy tied up. And then next to, on another horse, see the very dead body. Canonically, is the dead body covered in something? I think we would have put at least a blanket on top of it. Okay. Something preserves the dignity. Yeah. So this older portly guy is going to stop talking to the lady next to him.

Ah, shit. And he is going to approach you and sort of hold out a hand. Oh, ho ho ho. And he's going to, you know, keeping his hand held out. All right, what the hell is all this? Carl will kind of look over the group like, "A kaluna will pipe up." Oh no. He's talking. So kaluna will just, we saw them fighting by the road. This one, and they're going to sort of a little too harshly and like not caring where their hand goes, kind of pat Norman's face. This one killed that one. We tied him up. We brought him to you. And then they're just going to gesture like have at it.

Oh boy. So this guy's going to go over to the body that's covered and he's gonna, he's gonna sort of undo this blanket and look under it. Ah, hell. And he's gonna, he's gonna spin around. Norman, what the hell did you do? Oh. Shit, boys. And he's going to, he's going to point to the lady he was talking to. The lady is going to wander over here. Oh no. And he... Oh no. She is going to pull Norman off of this horse. Not gently. And sort of dump him, dump him on the ground here. The portly gentleman is going to turn to the party. Name's Terry. He's going to approach the party in general.

Where'd you say you found him? Couple days back on the road. Found him on the side, fighting, talking about my sleeping with somebody else's wife. Next thing we know, there's a dagger, got a dead body. And that's about all we know. Yeah, they're, uh, they're the Dagg twins. His brother, and he's gonna, he's gonna point to the body. Had a little farm, a few miles outside of town. His wife came looking for him yesterday. I gotta explain this to her now. And he's, he's kind of rubbing his, he's kind of rubbing his forehead like shit. Wish we had more for you, but honestly, they were more concerned about having a fight with each other than dealing with us.

So, I'm gonna be honest with you. This is kind of out of our hands. Yeah, well, uh, I don't blame Shep, to be honest. Norman's a real piece of shit. I don't know if you know anything about him, but... Can we all just pipe up? Just like, "We noticed." You've done us a real service by bringing him in. I do appreciate that. I suppose you're here to collect the bounty? Uh, yes. Absolutely. Here to collect the bounty. Um, we're, I wasn't quite sure where the office was, where the bounty was located. We were gonna ask somebody. Let me check with my people to see what the running tally is, but, um, yeah, he was starting to make a name for himself.

Yeah, we were, we're glad to help. We knew this was an issue. I feel like Clara's gonna be driving the cart and she's gonna kind of huff out her nose, but she doesn't seem fully annoyed. Just kind of like, "Fucking really?" Because that was so quick. Yeah, as he's walking away, uh, Evelyn's gonna kind of turn at Merrick and say, "I didn't know there was a reward." Of course there was a reward, and Merrick's gonna do his eyes like really wide open, like, "Shut the fuck up." Kaluna's going to try and be helpful and be like, "Yeah, he's part of the Fang.

We told you before." Right, I told you, and Kaluna also backed me up. Oh, they're gaslighting the fuck up. Kaluna did know the Fang shit, okay? There's a lot of looks, there's a lot of looks of, "I'm not gaslighting you, just shut up." I don't think Avalon would pick up on that. He's like, "Oh, I'm not sure. I would have told anything. I had to remember." Kaluna's gonna pat him on the shoulder just like, "It's good. It's fine. Let Merrick lead the way. It's fine." Yes, he's doing well. I didn't even know about a reward. There's bounties everywhere, and one of the many.

So we got lucky. That's great. Yeah, right? He seems quite pleased, like Merrick knew the whole time. Good shit. So Terry is going to confer with his people, and he is going to come back to the group. And he's going to hand you a pouch containing 100 gold pieces. Who? Yes, that's right. Thank you, Norman. Sir, appreciate that. Norman, thanks for this. Merrick's gonna shake the little pouch at Norman and say, "Have a great day." Well, again, thank you. He's gonna stand trial probably next week. Can I help you folks with anything while you're in town? You passing through?

One question. Can you point us to your highest ranking cleric in town by any chance? He's gonna have a puzzled look like... Let's see. Let's see. We get a lot of clerics passing through, not a lot of stay. Mostly scrapes and bruises, that type of thing. The occasional broken bone. Nothing huge. If you want big time stuff, you're probably either gonna have to go south, or you could take your chances up north in Brightport. Yeah, that's where we were headed. Just checking. You guys... You got an injury? Anything you can maybe do in the meantime? Super, super hardcore runny tummy back here.

He's gonna point, and he's gonna sort of do his eyes at Tary and kind of like a "Don't get close, dude." And he's gonna say, "Nope, we're just gonna make our way through and then head up to Brightport." What time of day is it, Jason? It's a little afternoon. Like two. Somewhere in there. We best get back on the road. Maybe we can pick up some provisions or something on the way through. But other than that, I think we're good, right? Kalluna would just sort of step up. Not like super urgent or anything, but they'd just sort of be like, "Do you know a dude?

Errol? I think his name was." And they're gonna look back at the rest of the party like, "Was that that guy's name?" Yeah, he's gonna stop. Oh, yeah. Last I heard, there were some people heading out on the road. I guess his cart ran into trouble or something like that. Kalluna's gonna just sort of, "Mm-hmm. Yep, that happened." It's a nasty bit of business traveling sometimes. That's why I'm glad you got this tremendous piece of shit. And he's gonna bark that backwards. And the young lady who's got this guy, every once in a while, you'll notice that she'll kind of take her elbow and jam it in his rib or something like that.

But it's under the guise of like, "Oh, wow, let's get you standing up." I love her. Who is she? But yeah, Kalluna would just be like, "So he got back safe. He's good." Uh, yeah, everything's fine. They're trying to deal with the cart right now. I guess they lost some goods, but he'll be fine. Relatively speaking. Right, right. Well, if you see him, let him know that we passed by. He'll know who we are because... And they're gonna just sort of point at their face. Just like a very big gesture of like this. Uh, yeah, I'll give him a description. "Well, you folks got your money and we got this." And he's gonna point back.

Again, little elbow to the rib. So, I'll let you be on your way. Good luck out there. Thank you, sir. As we pass by that lady, Kalluna will actually ask for her name. Oh, the guard? Yes, the one who's been elbowing Asshole McGee. Is it like, "Oh, that's some good elbow in there. What's your name?" Basically, yeah, just like, "You are treating him just right. What's your name?" And she's gonna beam at that like, "Thank you very much. My name is Shella." That's a good fucking name. Kalluna is going to hold out a hand. So this hand would be clean. So Kalluna is going to hold out their clean hand to shake.

Oh, she'd shake it. And they would say, "Kalluna, we've been doing that. That was our job." And then we move on. And she's gonna give a nod. And Norman's gonna struggle a little bit. And she's going to kick the back of his knee so that he kind of loses balance. And then she's gonna shout, "Dad, I'm gonna get ready and take him to the jail here and lock him up so that he can't get out." Everything is good. No, Terry's taken. That's terrible. Not necessarily. Yeah, it's Theria. Come on. Oh yeah, his wife's probably dead. No. Wow, guys. This is how forum jokes perpetuate forever.

And he's gonna kind of nod. Let me ask a question of you guys. Just one more Oregon Trail thing, and then we're gonna wrap up for the evening. The ride from Whiteheadge to Brightport is just a little bit longer than what you've been doing on the road so far. Now, so far, Elrath has been doing great with these rolls. Obviously, that could go south at some point. I mean, law of averages says eventually, right? But so far, it's been going pretty well. You could continue to go to Brightport and head on north, or you could try your chances south in Onakol. Now, the ride to Onakol is about a third of the way shorter.

So you would save a couple of days, that route. Okay. Remind me, Onakol is where the Eladrin are, right? That is, yeah, the Eladrin are pretty much- There is no way they'd help our group. Yeah, I was gonna say, I'm pretty sure that Merrick and Kaluna were told- We're a bunch of dirty-ass humans. Well, do me a favor, here we go. Who would like to see what they know about Onakol? Okay. What kind of roll would it be? It'd be a Wisdom check. I feel like realistically, Clara wouldn't know, just straight up, like she doesn't know much about above ground. Well, here's the thing.

I'm thinking Elarath should roll. Okay. Clara hasn't rolled for a bit. This concerns Elarath quite a bit, and Elarath's kind of been bouncing around trying to help people out. Aveline and Ethene would also be- Okay. Does she get a modifier of any kind? No. Okay, then it's just gonna be a flat d20. Okay, well you've been doing great so far. I think. Yeah. Wisdom, here we go. I said Ethene could too. Yeah, I know something. Twinsies! I see one more something. Don't worry Jane, I'm not gonna sleep with your wife. Ethene chimes in, "Actually." Unless you want her to.

So, essentially this is what happened. About a year ago, the Eladrin started reappearing on the mainland with a big story to tell. Initially, there was some bartering back and forth in Brightport, as Brightport was in the process of rebuilding and resettling Onakol. So there are humans that live there too. Predominantly, Eladrin make up the bulk of Onakol's population. This started off as a joint venture between the houses of Brightport and the Eladrin in Onakol. There has been friction. The Eladrin are adjusting to society. They were on top when they went away, and they came back, and now they have to start over in the hot desert sun with a bunch of different races in their city.

They're starting from scratch and learning to work with other people. That being said, there is some friction, but if you're looking for high magic of any kind, the Eladrin are pretty damn up there. So the odds of you finding somebody would be pretty high in Onakol. I can't tell you how successful it would be to barter something like that. How willing they would be to help you is essentially what I'm saying. At least two of us, I believe, have been informed that Eladrin are assholes. I'm pretty sure we were told that much. Yeah, but they've kind of been knocked down a little bit, right?

So the truth is, this isn't about egos or anything else. This is about trying to get Elrath some help. If it's going to be a third, like, is it a third shorter you said, maybe? Essentially, you're looking at about five and a half days on the road from Whitehedge to Brightport, and you're looking at about three and a half to four days on the road from Whitehedge to Onakol, depending on weather, of course. Is it equally dangerous either way? No, that's the rub. To get to Onakol, you have to go through the wastes. Now, there is a trade route that merchants used to know about quite, quite thoroughly.

If you don't follow the trade route fairly, fairly exactly, there are all kinds of things in the desert that could tear you apart. Well, that's not cool. So, Brightport, maybe? Oh, well, I was wondering, so if there are Eladrin and stuff there, and Onakol was kind of host to a zombie plague type deal, maybe they might know a thing or two about plagues in a plague city? It's a risk. I don't know. Or a stretch. I don't know. I don't think it is a stretch. I'm all for going to Onakol. We just need to... What can we do to find out the trade route? Is there anything we can do in Whitehedge?

Like maybe get a guide? Yeah, or a map or just a library or something to make sure that we can get from Whitehedge real quick to Onakol and make it as efficient as possible. Okay, here's what I'm going to do right now. This is the last dice roll of the night, guys. Get ready. This is going to decide a lot of things. Who hasn't rolled tonight? Bree, you haven't rolled tonight. Hi. Now, I'm going to ask you to roll a flat d20. Here's what's going to happen. On a 10 or higher, there is somebody that you could talk to that would be willing to help you out. Anything lower than a 10.

Maybe that person doesn't want to risk anything and has had a negative experience. That does mean that you can research, but it's going to take a little bit of time. Maybe a day to find what you're looking for. Does that sound fair? Sounds good. Here we go. Aw. I had a 5, guys. Hmm. Okay. Well, here's there's good news and bad news. You're going to find a man named Charles Tully. Now, Charles used to be a merchant, a traveling merchant that would run goods from Brightport to Onakol and back and forth. Sadly, in his in his ventures, he sort of got his cart got commandeered.

And after things dried up in Onakol, he decided to sort of retire and has been living in Whiteheadge ever since. Wait, isn't that the guy from like episode two of the first arc? Yep. Holy shit. I wrote his bio on the website. That's the only reason I remember that is because I had to make him sound super interesting when there was nothing to work off of because a bunch of assholes just stole his cart in the first fucking episode. But let me ask you this. Is he still in charge? And that's strike two. Oh, because his name is Charles. All right. Crushed it. Sorry.

That was the most passive aggressive. Yeah, great one. No, I was like, why? I don't get it. Why are you so? And I was like, oh, that was me explaining it to myself. So, he's not willing to go back out there. It's been years. He's just he's retired. However, he is going to give you a few pointers, a few a few tips and tricks. It's not as good as having an actual physical person in the car. Don't go there. Don't go there. No, we're going to steer left for a mile and then we're going to get. But he is going to give you he's going to first of all, he's going to tell you some things that lurk in that, you know, under the sands of the hot desert sun to avoid and things like, OK, if you see this, here's what you're going to think.

Think Princess Bride, the the the forest. OK, you can look out for the rodents of unusual size and the lightning sand and you're going to look out for all that. So that will give you a little bit of an edge. It's way better than if you were to just wander through the desert. Right. I mean, all that being said. Do you still want to continue south to own a call? Yeah, I'm on board. Let's do it. I mean, I kind of want to act closer and yes, like out of character. That'd be way more interesting. True. I think it's worth it because I honestly I think Elorath is a ticking time bomb.

Like it's just going to like happen. Right. And the sooner we can get somewhere, the better. Also, what better to release a plague than in a former plague city? Hmm. Fair point. Yeah, mine was a little double down. Try again. It didn't work the first time. I know your race just came back after like 200 years, but here you go. Soft fever. Deal with me. Goodbye. Guys, I think that is a great time for us to stop for the evening. Next time we sit down, you're going to head south to the city of Onakol. All right. Nice. That was unexpected. It was. Yeah, it just kind of like changed course.

Yeah, I like it. I can't wait to get eaten by a blue dragon. That's one of the things out there. That's the only thing that I know. That's why there's lots of stuff. Wasn't it like a purple worm or something? Those were in the north. Usually in the north. Yeah, OK. Usually in the north. Where it's cold and not hot. I got my worms mixed up. I mean, that's not to say there isn't another variety of giant worm. Like, who knows? There's so many different kinds of giant worm. There's lots of different things. There's purple. There's white. I'm pretty sure they are all the kinds that eat us.

Thank you guys so much for listening today. We really hope you enjoyed it. Of course, you can let us know what you think over on the forums. You can let us know on Discord. You can let us know at dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's our email. You can find us on Facebook and Twitter, all that. But of course, you guys are the ones who fuel us. You're the ones who allow us to do this every single week. And we have a Patreon, of course. Patreon.com/dandr. What can you find there? That is a great question. For one dollar, you can get behind the scenes info for this session right now.

We usually post it late Monday, somewhere in there. But that is a whole big pre-thing we do. There's little excerpts we snip out of the episode that didn't quite fit. Table talk stuff or jokes and just little breaks we take. But that's a ton of extra stuff you can find out about this episode. We also do shows like Living in Theria where we answer questions about a certain topic, person, place or thing. We're still trying to figure out exactly what we want to do on this month. So if you have a suggestion, please hit us. And of course, we'll be at Dragon Con.

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