Meat Grinder

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[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Howdy, folks. This episode of DNR is brought to you by our lovely patrons over on Patreon. You guys know all the cool stuff you can find there, including behind-the-scenes clips from this very episode. Jason and I also just did a super long episode of Living in Theria, answering all of your questions about godly weapons in Theria.

It's over three hours long. It was a nightmare to record, but also super fun. And honestly, I learned a lot, even as I was asking the questions. And I helped behind the scenes. We also just released the Therian version of Bandits up there for the Beastery. So go give that a look, and you can decide whether you'd like to run Therian Bandits on your table at home. Without further delay, on with the episode. Previously for Group B, the party decided to head toward Durnhollow. But to get there, they had to cross the Divide, an area of the highway that is notorious for ambush spots and wild animals.

Their first couple of days on the road were impressively odd, but mostly uneventful, until they met a young woman who was lost and alone in the Deadwood. She had no memory of who she was and no idea how she got there. And that's where we find ourselves today. Let's do that thing! Where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Jamie. Hi. My name is Jamie. Don't hate me because you ain't me. I'm busting out in that 20s. But honey, can you blame me? I play a girl named Tati, and she is rocking that body.

Little bit cocky, bit of a hottie, but only when naughty. Now she's a human rogue. And if I might be so bold, you best watch all your money before I jack all your gold. I am gagged. [LAUGHTER] Yes. Yes. And Karen. Hi, I'm Karen. I play Kali, a druid elf. Please don't put me on a shelf. I deal with the nature and all that hippie stuff, although I just like to run around as a fox. And Alex. Hey, I'm Alex. I play Breland, the one whose saving throws are never failing. When the beasts arrive, I give them the thunderclap live, flying to their dome with words like a flame, sending all the fiends home, running away as the crowd screams my name. [LAUGHTER] And Jameson.

Hi, I'm Jameson. I play Larg, the half-orc dork who eats pork with forks, everyone's favorite paladin, charging in bravely and saving his pals again. He kicks demon asses in the name of Arathas, slamming his hammer so hard he ought to teach classes. [LAUGHTER] And Valerie. My name is Valerie, but you might know me better by the character Elena, who's the human fighter. And the one time she saved Kelton's ass, but that depends on who you ask. She cut his arm off way too fast, and then he thanked her. [LAUGHTER] And Ian. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Uh, I'm Ian.

I play Kaladin Halak, the half-elf sorcerer. [LAUGHTER] Oh my god. Oh my god. I'm fucking gagged. [LAUGHTER] That is incredible. That's the best gift you ever-- that's the best gift. I'm done. It's done. Bye. That was great. That was great, everyone. Bye. I'm done forever. Oh my god. I'm not just you because I was laughing so hard. Valerie over here trying to bust it off early. [LAUGHTER] I was like, oh my god, please. No, no, no, no. I was scared. I know. I was trying to-- I was trying to just push it forward. [LAUGHTER] Oh, that was beautiful. Did you each write your own?

That was amazing. That was amazing. I can't come back. You came up with it pretty quickly too. I can't come back from that. That was the best. [LAUGHTER] Oh my god. That was the best intro I have ever heard in my entire life. [LAUGHTER] So previously for you guys, you are making your way through the divide a little slowly, but safely, let's say. And you met a young gnome named Decky in the beginning of your travels and taught him how to play the flute. You traveled for about the better part of three days. And you found a young woman in the woods, completely alone, didn't remember who she was, and you took her into the party with you.

I want to pick things up the next morning, because you wanted to make camp and stuff like that. It is the 15th of Yesty. What is the first order of business? You guys are-- let me paint a picture. You are smack dab in the middle of this long stretch of road between Durn Hollow and Donhurst. Obviously, Donhurst is kind of dead to you guys. You don't want to go back there. But you have a ways to go. You have a few more days to go before you get to Durn Hollow. This area is pretty unfriendly. It is a famous ambush spot as we went over. And so far, it's been pretty kind to you guys, saying that nothing has happened yet.

What's the first order of business? Is this right in the next morning? Yeah, I'd say so. Oh, OK. I feel like Brelyn would just get ready for the day, but he'd be very suspicious still of the new lady. Occasionally glancing over to make sure she's not stealing stuff or has no weapons on her, just keep looking, but put away my stuff. OK. Tatiana slept on top of her stuff like a dragon, so she's going to make sure that it's all still there. She's counting everything. So very much keeping an eye on this new lady. Yes. It's still suspicious, even though she seems nice.

Yeah, again, I would say that it probably took her a while to drift off, and she's just uneasy and scared. She doesn't know you, just as you guys don't-- you know, you don't know her. So she's not side-eyeing you, because you definitely-- you definitely came into her rescue last night, but still a little wary. I'd like maybe called in-- because we took shifts and stuff. And I'd like, like, when she wakes up, Caldon is just sort of like sitting there looking at her. How close is Caldon? Like a little closer than you would like when you wake up and you see someone right there.

OK. Yeah. So probably a little bit of a start when she wakes up, like, oh, like just-- Yeah, and he would be like, good morning. She's going to be rubbing her eyes and waking up. Hi. I hope you slept well, got some rest. She's going to start looking around again and realizing, oh, yeah, I'm here. Yeah. I got some sleep. Thank you. Well, now that we have last night behind us and you've had a chance to-- yeah, to get some rest, I'd like to-- I'd like to ask you a couple of questions and examine your wound if you would let me. And she would-- she'd be a little hesitant, but absolutely let you.

And Caldon will go over to her. And I think what I'm looking for is he would examine the wound and do sort of those real basic first aid things, like see if she can follow his finger and whether pupils can dilate and see if there's any hemorrhaging. Basically, he's trying to figure out if the wound is the cause of her amnesia. Right. OK. Do me a favor. Give me a little medicine check. Oh, medicine. That's a skill I've never used. Oh, shit. That's right. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Oh, hey. Look at that shit. Well, that's a 19. Yeah, you're getting your EMT on here. You're checking her out.

And yeah, she's following your finger. And she appears to be fine. There's a nasty lump on her head, which if you were to-- if you were to guess, either something hit her and knocked her out in the forest, or she could have been running in the forest and maybe a low hanging tree branch she didn't see just clobbered her out of nowhere. There's a couple of different things that could have happened. The strange thing being, though, if something did assault her and then knocked her out, her waking up in the middle of the forest, not dead, would be a rarity.

It's really weird, huh? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. I couldn't tell if that bump is what actually caused her amnesia, right? Just-- no, I wouldn't be able to tell that. I think an educated guess would be, yeah, you got Fred Flintstone. Like, you got-- definitely. Yeah. OK, OK. So as he's sort of tenderly pressing on this and doing all that stuff, he's going to ask her some questions. And by the way, this is not a private conversation. So jump in. Anyone join this. But he's going to be pressing around, and he's going to say, now we know obviously you don't remember how you got to the forest, but can you tell me the last thing you do remember?

The last place you were, the last meal you had, any detail at all that might be a clue to getting you back to where you belong? She's going to stare off into the middle distance just a little bit. Just-- you could tell she's racking her brain here. I just keep seeing nighttime. Anything before waking up in-- well, here is really fuzzy. Even if it's a distant memory, do you have any friends? Do you have any family? Long silence. Well, she is struggling. You could see it on her face, just struggling to recall anything. And she's going to lock eyes with Keldon.

I can't remember. I keep trying. I feel like I should know all of this, and I don't. I'm not sure. I feel like I should know all of this, and I don't. And Keldon's going to scrunch of his face a little bit and be like, well, you did suffer quite a knock on your noggin there. But it looks like it's healing. He's going to look over to Callie and be like, well, we have a very, very good healer with us, so all right. Maybe some time, and things will start coming back to you. She's going to look a little panicked, and she's going to pinball back and forth between Keldon and Callie.

You don't think I'm going to be stuck like this, do you? I-- no, I don't think so. The trauma that I've seen where people have lost their memory, it's been more severe than what you suffered. I mean, you've got quite a nasty bump, but no, I don't think this is permanent. Hey, Larg. Could you do me a big favor? Sure. Could you roll a d6 with a minus 2? OK. Thank you. Why? I don't like this. Oh my god. Thank you. Big old goose egg. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really appreciate that. Sure. The wraps weren't enough, guys. OK. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, please. Go right ahead.

That was just for me. OK, so Keldon is going to try and give her this reassurance, and then he's going to say, all right. All gone. OK, well, it seems that we have to call you something. Is there anything you'd like to be called? Again, a long silence. And this is the first thing that's going to jump into her head. I like roses. And there's going to be a recollection on her face. It's like, oh, wait. I remember I like roses. That's something. Yeah, and Keldon will smile a little bit and say, I do too. Rose, then. Rose. That's a beautiful name. She'll give like a half smile.

Do you think we could get moving soon? I really want to get out of here. Brandon's going to interrupt. What's the rush? She's going-- like that thing just like snapped too. Like, oh. Well, it's just-- it's pretty scary here. Scary, right? Like strangers just hopping out of nowhere. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Keldon will look back at her and say, you're right. We have quite some journey left to get out of the forest. And I think that might even help with your memory. But I do want to clarify something, Rose. I have sympathy for your situation. But like my friend over there, I also have a healthy dose of suspicion.

The way in which we found you was strange. I think you'd agree. She'd shake her head. And I don't know if your obliqueness to recollect is intentional or genuine. But as long as you are no threat to us, no harm shall come to you when we journey together. But if that should change, I can't make that guarantee. I don't want to cause any problems for you guys. Good. Good. Hey, Tatiana. Yes? Could you do me a favor? I would love to do you a favor. Could you roll a d6 with a negative 2, please? OK. Thank you. Appreciate that. I don't like this at all. You're welcome. Just remember how courteous I was to do you that favor.

I absolutely will. Well, then on that note, Keldon will pull out some dried venison or whatever rations we got and hand it to her and say, all right, eat up. You're right. We should get going and turn to the rest of the party. Packing up. Can I do one thing as we're walking away or as we're packing up? Please. I want to talk-- I want to pull Larg aside, like talk to him kind of quietly as people are packing up. Hey, big guy, a word. Sure. Hey, maybe you don't know this, but do you know like Evie Arathis temple or other big temples in other cities off the top of your head?

Um, I want to say that I do, right, Jason? At least some idea. Yeah, probably. Okay. Yeah, I know a couple. Cool, cool. Do you think-- What kind of temples do you think there are in Durn Hollow? Uh, there really caught much of a foothold in Durn Hollow. But, you know, there might be somebody there. I only ask because, I mean, her amnesia seems pretty serious. Not that serious, but pretty-- She got bumped ahead pretty hard, right? I know temples usually offer healing services for people, and I was thinking maybe we could put you as our spokesperson when we get to Durn Hollow to talk to a temple.

Maybe give us like a-- They can do some kind of reading on her just to be safe. Yeah, don't think about it and nod. Yeah, I think that that's a good idea. I'd want to just leave her there without anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For as much crap as I'm giving her, if she turns out to be A-okay, I would feel like a big asshole if we didn't help her. Yeah, that would be bad. And Brandon's gonna nod and then continue packing his stuff up. Would anyone else like to do anything before you guys set out on the road for the day? Is there any-- Oh, sorry, go ahead. Oh, I was like trying to figure out how to set-- I think Hallie would just be like, "Now that it's lighter, I want to go back to where we found Rose and see if I can find any tracks." Ooh.

I don't know if anybody wants to come with me. I'm fine with going by myself. I can just scamper over there and back. I'm Brandon with Riz's hand. Yeah, Brandon with Riz's hand. I'll go. Okay. So, yeah, it sounds like Callie, Braylin, and was it Tatiana in there? Yeah, I think she's probably gonna be keeping our distance from Rose. Okay. So they get some more info. Yeah, same, same here. And then Braylin, as we're walking through the forest, Braylin thinks about it and is like, "Oh, we're splitting up again." Is it on the way? Like, is it in the direction we're headed or is it-- This was north, so this is off-road.

This is into the woods. It was off-- You mentioned it as off the path, I think is what you said. Yeah. Alex, don't worry. Our little subgroup rolled a three. Theirs rolled a zero, so we're fine. Oh, okay. And last time we separated, Jamie, you got some pretty cool shit. No. Your turn, bud. I just want everybody to make sure that they-- When we woke up and everything, everybody noticed that Elena felt much more like herself and seemed like she was doing much better than the day before. And also, Elena's gonna stay with Rose as sort of like her watcher, but it doesn't seem that way, but she's there to-- You know, if anything funny happens.

Thanks, friend. Gotcha. So you're like a security guard. Yeah, like keeping your distance, but also keeping an eye. Yeah, but not like in a mean way. Like, I'll talk to her if she wants. It's like the "I've only got Saturday school once in my entire life," and it sounds exactly how the Saturday school monitors were for the nerdy kids who got Saturday school like myself. It's like they're there to make sure I'm not causing trouble and also that the other kids don't beat me up. Yep, I've been there. So let's see. Larg, Elena, and Kaladin are gonna stay back in camp with Rose.

Sounds like it, yep. So let's do a thing here. Brailen Tatiana-- Brailen Tatiana Callie. I'll get it out. It's gonna take you a little bit. You know how things look different in the light of day, that type of thing? You are gonna find the spot where you found Rose. So the big thing you're looking for is some sort of track, something that would lead you back where she came from originally. Something like that, right? Yeah, like something that'll lead us back or just like tracks to see what also was in the area that she was in. Do me a favor, give me a survival check.

I was hoping you were gonna say survival. Damn, that's a modifier. Okay. That is an 18. That's why I like that one. So that's an 18. You will see this area's got a lot of like downed brush and leaves, that type of thing. So you can kind of see where she was definitely dragging her feet here and there. You can see the scuff marks and things. And this heads west pretty much even where you are now. So like if you were to follow these tracks, it would lead you further into the woods. It kind of gets a little thicker the further you head west. And then eventually it thins out again.

The problem is if you were to head too much further north, you'd be encroaching on the edge of the northern portion of the deadwood. Which is orc territory. That being said, you'd have to travel hours to get there. So what would you like to do? So like the only tracks that are there are hers. The only tracks that are there are hers. What about, like, does it look like something else was in the area? Because like you said there's a lot of downed limbs and stuff. But is that natural? You'd say this is probably natural. Just from storms, something like that.

High winds, that type of thing. Little bits and branches. Nothing huge. Okay. So I think Callie would point out that it looks like it was just Rose in this area and the information about like she came from deeper in the forest and orcs are like a few hours north. And just see what they think of that. I mean, do you think she came from the orcs? Like they had her captured or whatever? Why would orcs have a half-elf? Why would she be naked? I'm so confused. Rana's gonna like shrug, "Whoa, that's not me, that's orcs. Come on." Tatiana looks side to side to see if Lark is nearby.

I guess I would perceive that and be like, "Well, let me catch my words." Real orcs. They're not like half orcs who try to assimilate civilization. Real orcs, they have a different mindset, right? And he's gonna kind of like try and be reaching but then he realizes he's like dug himself in a hole and he's like, "Never mind." Well, I've never met an orc before so I wouldn't know. Jason, would my mentor and I have met a few? I guess if we're kind of coming through here. Well, they usually hang out north of the Deadwood. If you run into them this far south, it's usually because they are looking for supplies or something like that.

This is ambush territory. Or they're looking to send a message for people to stay away. Okay. It's dangerous. That's all I'm gonna say. That's what Breland's gonna say as he pretends to fiddle around with a stick on the ground, pretending he's looking for tracks. He doesn't know what he's doing. Maybe there's like a group of bandits around here or something. There's so much woods, it's hard to tell. Let's see here. Tatiana. Do me a favor and roll a flat d20. Okay. Yeah, continue. Sorry. Oh my god. What is happening? Okay guys, I think we should go back now. She begins to lose height and gain sharp ears and a small beard and a gnomish nose and starts talking about alcohol and poisons.

I guess Tatiana will at this point be like, well, if she's coming from further in the woods, I mean, I don't think we really have time to go exploring. We should probably get back to the group and just tell them what we found. Yeah, agreed. Breland's gonna shake his head rapidly up and down. Yeah, there's really no need to go further in, honestly. So meanwhile, back at camp, Rose is going to be doing that thing where your arms are crossed over your chest and you're trying to warm up your shoulders, that type of thing. You can tell that she's obviously kind of chilled.

I'll call them. I'll take a step away from her. Sorry, Val. Does she still like not have clothes? Oh, no, she has clothes. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's just kind of chilly in the morning. Okay. Yeah, I'm not gonna do anything. So time's gonna tick by and three of your crew, it's gonna take a while to get to where they were and investigate the area and stuff like that. And you can tell that Rose is kind of rocking a little bit, just kind of probably a cross between impatient and just like, it's like, what? Come on, can we just go? That type of thing. Elena. Uh-oh. Could you do me a favor and roll a flat D6 with a negative two?

D6, negative two. Okay, I can do that. Fantastic. Thank you. I'm waiting for the person who gets a negative number to see how crazy they go. I don't want to see. So how long do you guys poke around out there? I mean, I can't imagine too long. Like how deep is it? Like, is it deep enough that I can kind of like cross off some more herbs off my list? I mean, if you want to poke around, sure. Nope, never mind. I just want to go back. Okay, let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's just go. On the way back, can I help look for herbs or whatever we need? Because I don't think, Brandon's not very good at this, so he would kind of like be bothering Callie the whole time.

Yeah, I just know that there's like a couple of them we can only get either in the mountains or deep forest. As we're still in the deep part and we're kind of going backwards back to meet up with them, I would try and look just for like maybe a few minutes. Nothing too crazy. So do me a favor, give me a nature check. Oh no. Oh no. Well, that's a five. That's not... I mean, so I picture it like that thing of like constantly asking Callie, it's like, what about that? What about that? And it's like, that's a stick. That's a clover. That's moss. That's like that type of thing.

Callie found a daisy. I'll take a daisy. So nothing really valuable this time. Damn it. Maybe Braylin learned a couple of things. Just picking up local stuff here. Yeah, you're like kind of like Stacys. Oh, can I roll like maybe a history check or something to figure out if there is like a place in Tharia where there are a lot of roses or maybe like roses is the city plant or something like that? Yeah, do me a favor. Go right ahead. Are you going to do like a fun fact conversation? Like a fun fact. A Snapple fact. I would say with an eight, Kaldin, the last place Kaldin remembered seeing like a bunch of roses, there is a lovely kind of botanical garden set up near Fair Bay.

Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Because that is just a pleasant place. So I would say after a while, probably like maybe maybe 20, 25 minutes, something like that, that the, you know, Braylin Tatiana and Callie get back and rejoin the party. Did you find anything? No treasure. That's what you're asking. It was so. We'll get him next time. We just found some tracks. They look like they're her footprints and they went further into the woods. It seemed a little dangerous to keep investigating. Should we be on our way then? Yeah. Roses. Yeah. Rose is going to stand up and nod her head vigorously.

Then we head out. All right. As we walk in, Braylin's going to stand under her breath. She doesn't get a vote. Am I am I picking up that the group is a little on edge right now? I kind of. Definitely not. OK, because I like roses on edge, but yes. Yeah, I'm more meant you guys as the players like you seem a little anxious. What are you talking about, Jason? We're doing all these mystery rules. All will become clear. Yeah, that's what they say when you find the city of Rala or whatever. Cthulhu's place, right? So you guys are going to set out on the road and hours are going to tick by.

And I would say it's it's a little past noon when you you pass a set of not low hanging branches. They're probably about 15, 20 feet above the ground, hovering right over the main road. And there are going to be a set of 10 bodies hanging from the trees, each one strung up by rope by the neck. Braylin tries to hold back bar for the whole. Do the bodies have anything in common? Like, are they all female? Are they all the same race? Do me a favor. Give me a perception check. Well, I don't I don't know. Well, one of the things you are going to notice is that they they they look like they were outfitted, like they looked like either adventurers, military, something like that.

They all had armor weapons, that type of thing. The other thing you're going to notice is it looks like the hanging was not the thing that killed them. That something that some of them look bludgeoned, some of them look that they're all bloody. And they are just twisting in the wind. You can hear that the tautness of the rope just sort of twisting. How long ago does it seem like they were put up there or killed? Give me a perception roll. To Elena, it's going to look like they've maybe been here a day or two. Jason, how many bodies did you say there were?

About 10. Oh, God. What is Rose's reaction to this? Oh, terrified. This is if the silence was killing her, seeing that she is going to be well behind the party just cowering. Like this is imagine just being a regular person and you're walking down the street and instead of like shoes and a telephone line, it's fucking people. So we're trying to look into the woods around and see if there's anybody like waiting in ambush. Do me a favor. Give me a perception check. Looks clear to you. We cannot roll higher than 10 tonight. We're a really perceptive bunch. Holy shit.

So, Larg's going to tense up when they notice the bodies and he'll check into the woods. And then when it seems like it's all clear, he's going to kind of sigh and then put his stuff down and take his helmet off and then get to work trying to get the bodies down. Oh, really? Yeah. Larg, do you look at the back of your helmet or no? Can I make a perception check? Yeah, you know what? Ten or higher, you'll see. Alright. Oh no! So he'll see it and then he'll act like he doesn't notice it and he'll keep going. I think Tatiana would say something as he starts to do this and she'll just sort of like sidle up next to him and know that you think it's the right thing to do, but we really don't have time to bury 10 bodies.

I can't just leave him there. Like, that's not right. I think Tatiana's going to sort of look towards the group to be like, "Guys, come on. Ten bodies means we'd be here until nightfall, which means that we're going to be camping near whatever it is that killed these people." So, Cauldron will nod and come up to Larg and put his real hand on Larg's arm and say, "She's right, Larg. We don't want ten bodies to become six more bodies. I know it's not the right thing to leave them here like this, but if you were trying to dig graves for every body we find in Tharia, you're going to be digging your entire life." He'll kind of stop and consider that for a minute and say, "Can I at least get him off the tree?" Yeah, Brelyn would nod, "I'll help you, big guy." Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. We'll lay them down and then we'll keep going. Can I cast a spell? What would you like to cast? Control Person and Larg is marching down the road. I don't want to waste one of my spell slots, but I want to cast Detect Magic on the area. Ooh, Karen, if you didn't do it, I was going to do it. Uh, yeah. Hit me. Do it. I did it. I did it. I checked off the spell slot. So, Callie is going to concentrate and just... There's something that, well, obviously, there's a ton that just does not feel right about the situation. It is deathly quiet. You hear distant birds chirping, maybe a crow, something like that in the distance.

Mostly, you just hear that gentle rubbing of rope hanging over top of a tree branch. The fully working this episode is going to be great, guys. As Larg and Brelyn are getting these down one by one, Callie's going to kind of zone out here and concentrate. And beyond the party, she's not going to detect any magic in the area. Nothing on that Geiger counter type of sense is going to go off. Nothing's going to spike. Okay. So at the very least, you know, that's something. Nothing in our immediate presence, okay. She is going to, because you said Rose is kind of terrified.

She's just going to turn to Rose and try to put a calming hand on her and just tell her to stay close. And yeah, she will, whether it's subconscious or not, she's going to almost hunker next to Callie. Because you're one of the people in the party who have been... No one's been mean to her, but you're one of the party who have been a little warmer, like you and Larg. And Cauldron has been really nice. So is there any observations that I'll be able to make about the bodies sort of as we're getting them down? Because we'll be pretty close. Oh yes, you absolutely will.

These people were brutally murdered. Most of them are humans. A couple half-elves in there and one tiefling. Men, women, it's a mixture of the two. It looks like they were either in an adventuring party together or maybe shield hands? Someone hired to guard something or help a merchant through this area? And these were ten well-outfitted people. Which means one of two things were true. Either they were terrible at fighting or something in a large number got to them. There's ten of them too. Yep. So a number greater than or equal to ten. Yep. This is a very scary math problem.

I want to try... I don't know if I can, but I want to try to see the nature of the wounds. Is this the type of thing that would come from a weapon or an animal? So like a mild autopsy type of thing? Yeah, basically. Did they get chewed on? Right. Give me a medicine check, but it's not going to be high. Oh, wow. You rolled really well. So most of these... one of them literally has their skull crushed. It looks like either some sort of blunt instrument, maybe even a rock, something like that. It looks like they were struck several times in the head. They had this eyeball kind of hanging a little loose, like out of the socket.

The rest of them looked to be either a mixture of hit with blunt instruments or stabbed. This looks like a fight. It doesn't look like a creature necessarily got a hold of them. This doesn't look like wild animals, like wolves or something. This looks more like they were in a fight. They had their weapons drawn and they were fighting something humanoid. Okay. Just one last question. Are any of them carrying or do they still have any weapons on them? Most of the weapons have been removed. There are a couple of small daggers and things like that. Can I take a dagger or two?

Sure. Okay. As Raylan takes two daggers off a dead guy, he's going to stop and then look at Larg and say, "I mean, he's not going to need it, right?" As Larg's taking a dagger off the third guy, yeah. He's going to nod. Okay. Okay. So I'll give the dagger that I alluded to Rose. Okay. Sweet. He'll come over and just kind of give it to her and just be like, you know, "Just in case." And you can tell that makes her feel a little bit better. Like at least there's... It's like, "Okay, well, I have something pointy in case something comes at me." Hey, Callie. Uh-huh.

Do me a favor? Uh-huh. Could you roll a d6 with a negative two? Sure. Thank you. Ah, beautiful. Thank you. I swear to God, Jason, if we don't find out in this session... I'm going to... It's okay. I know. I'm going to be the one who transformed into new Dekky. That's fine. Better Dekky. No, I won't let you. At least you know how to play the flute, so... Oh, yep. Thank you. There you go. [Laughter] Nobody call him small. [Laughter] So this is going to take you a while to get these bodies down, because I imagine you're doing it kind of gingerly. I don't imagine you're walking up to the length of rope and just hack to let them drop.

Like, I imagine you're trying to let them down a little gingerly, let them preserve some of that dignity, respect for the body, all that type of stuff. Yeah, yeah, probably. Okay. Like, I would try to untie or cut them down, and I imagine Larg being down there trying to catch them to break the fall. Right. Yeah, because he can lift up a fucking double super door barricade with one hand, so this is no challenge. Yeah, he's fine. I was going to say, I'm assuming you guys are just lining them up on the side of the road? I kind of thought we were in the bushes or something.

In the bushes? Well, these are hanging over the main road. Yeah, I'd probably take them a few paces off the road and try to lay them down. Because I would just like, because Callie would just use her druidcraft to, like, grow some vines or something in the area so that it would kind of cover them. So it's kind of burying them, but not really. Right. At least they'll be feeding the animals of the forest, right? Some good can come of it. Yeah, that's true. Alright, well, I guess we should keep going then. I'll call them and look at Largan and say, "Do you want to say anything?" Yeah, just a couple minutes.

You guys, you know, you can keep going if you want. I'll catch up. No, we'll wait. We'll say it with you if you like. Yeah, so I'm not going to make up a prayer right now, but he'll say a few words. Oh, where are the rhymes now, huh, everybody? [laughter] Well, yeah, actually, all of Arathas's prayers are in Limerick form, so... Oh my god. Who wants that half-orc from Dauntless? Oh boy. So, in the time it takes you to get these bodies down and set them aside and all that, by the time you get ready and get back on the road, I would say Rose is a little more calm than she was before, but she is very much going to be paying attention to these bodies.

And you're going to notice there are some beats of sweat forming on her forehead, where before she was just really cold, maybe she's just really anxious, and the fear is kind of pumping that adrenaline through. Okay, so I need to do a thing. Uhhhh, Braelyn. No. Do me a favor. Roll a flat D20 for me. D20? D20. Mine's okay, right? I would say about 15 minutes down the road, you're going to hear something coming from the forest. Snapping. That sounds like someone stepping on twigs aggressively, like they're not trying to hide. And then stepping out ahead of you, I would say probably 10, 15 yards, something like that, is going to be a massive orc, standing in the path, facing the party, kind of breathing, breathing heavily as orcs are one to do.

And he is holding a battle axe. And the rest of the party is going to start to hear more commotion coming from the woods. What would you guys like to do? Does he look okay? Is he like, bloody and beaten? Is he breathing because he's been running? Or is he looking like he's intimidating, I guess? Maybe I could roll an insight on him or something. He appears to be fine in terms of injury. He looks to be breathing a little heavy, not like he's out of breath, but more that Jason Voorhees/Cain Hodder breathing of breathing with your entire body. The opposite of what you thought he is.

The opposite. Yeah, I was wondering if he's aggressive, basically, if he's like, "Fuck you doing here?" Kind of. He's going to take three steps toward the party. And he is going to hunch over and bellow. And Rose is going to shit herself. Oh no. Wait, really? Or just like- Not literally shit herself. Well, I don't know. You said it very matter-of-fact. Okay, I'm sorry. She is going to be very frightened. Like, maybe that's what you were rolling for, you know? A vowel. Roll for incontinence. I don't know. That's one more fact we know about her. She had a fibrous diet.

Yup. Hey, Kaladin, could you do me a favor? Oh, my turn comes up, yes. Yeah, could you do me a favor and roll a flat d6 with a negative two? Yes, I think I can. Thank you. Ooh. Fantastic. Thank you, thank you, thank you. These are all so, so terrifying. I would say the party would realize that there's probably more than one orc here. And you guys are in a very, very delicate situation. What would you like to do? Callie's just gonna grab Rose's arm or hand or something so she can't run away. I am not chasing an NPC around the fucking forest. Oh no. No, no, no. If Rose wants to book, Rose can book.

Yeah, Kaladin will see this and take a step in front of Rose and he is gonna fire a ray of frost right in front of the orc. He's gonna fire a warning shot, basically. He's gonna hold out his hand and shoot the ray of frost and make a lateral movement with his hand in front of this orc's feet. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. Okay, do me a favor. My guess is this is a form of intimidation. Yeah. Do me a favor, roll an intimidation check. Oh, that makes sense. Let me find it. Oh, that's not so bad. Hey. Oof. This orc is going to take two steps back. Because at first he's thinking, "Oh, you're firing at me." And maybe he didn't read magic user on you or something like that, but this comes as a bit of a shock.

And he's gonna take two steps back and then he's going to look at Kaladin and his eyes are gonna pop wide. But not necessarily in a "I'm afraid of you" way, more like "Oh, you motherfucker" type of way. Two arrows are going to fly from the forest at the party. And they are going to just miss. They are going to just miss Brelin and just miss Larg. Why? Why always me? What have I done? It missed. I know, I know. Just a dramatic effect. I would imagine as the arrows hit the ground near me and Larg, I look at Larg and I look at the arrow and I scream out at the forest, "Again, really, me?" Tatiana is gonna sort of back into the group so that she's reflexively getting into more of a clump.

And she's just gonna sort of whisper to Brelin and Kali, "So much for never meeting an orc." Oh yeah, we talked about that like ten seconds ago. Kaldin will... Oh, sorry, go ahead. I was just gonna say Larg is gonna... I'd say he was originally part of the clump when this started, but he'll sort of walk toward the front. But as he passes Rose, he's gonna put a hand on her shoulder and cast Heroism on her, which makes her immune to fear. Oh! And then he's gonna basically get up next to and slightly in front of Kaldin, hold his shield up, and just sort of post up in a defensive position in front of this orc.

And Kaldin will speak up and just shout out as loud as he can, "Kamen!" "Do you speak it?" "English, motherfucker!" Basically. "Say what again?" Another scream is going to rip from this orc as several figures are going to streak out of the north side of the forest toward the road. All said, it looks to be about seven orcs. Kaldin will turn to Larg and say, "Boring conversation anyway. We've got problems." We can do it. Brelin goes invisible, but before he does, he looks at Tatiyan and he says, "Pick him off from afar." He's gonna give her a wink, and then he's gonna become invisible.

I'm gonna go ahead and get a map for you guys. Is this the D6, Jason? Nope. God damn it, I knew it. No, that's the dragons that are coming. Well, I got a minus two, so there are zero dragons, which... I was the first to admit my mistakes and my faults. This was my nine, I'm assuming, so I'm gonna take responsibility for this one. I feel like the D6 has to do with Rose, like, has to do with something happening with Rose. I feel like, yeah, because it only happens when someone's near her. Oh, like she's giving off some kind of bad aura from Mojo? 'Cause like when we went to go investigate, we didn't roll that.

And then when we came back, somebody was rolling it again. Well... I don't know. I haven't... I just rolled it now, too. I'm not sure why. I'm not sure if the timing is a thing. Well, like, she doesn't have magic coming off of her, 'cause I think how we did that last session... What if it's like a werewolf thing? Braelon did it. Braelon did it, yeah. I did it last time, yeah. Would werewolf pick up with a detect magic? Or no? No, no, he's just a curse. He said it before, it's a curse. Oh, okay. Yeah. So nice when you can pick and choose, huh, Jason? Oh, wow. That was so salty.

We're getting drive-bys all night long. People just getting drive-by'd here. This is a beautiful map. I do like this map a lot, though. I'm very glad we're gonna do something on this. Oh, shit. So much anxiety right now. Another orc ambush? Wait, it says Braelon, you're blinded. Why are you blinded? I don't know. We'll fix that though, 'cause you're not. Guys, there's a tent over there. Everybody do me a favor, roll initiative! Pow! That makes sense. That works in fiction now. Why? Oh, no! Why? Oh, god damn it. I don't wanna be so high. Alright, Calli and I are trading.

No, just kidding. This is like League of Legends. We're gonna do a draft pick before. Wow, alright! Holy shit! Oh, wow! Look at that! Holy shit! That is beautiful! Nice. You must be very proud of yourself. Alright, here we go. Let's get this party started! Alayna, you are up. Okay, the one that first confronted us is a little scary, so Alayna is going to go around to these guys from the north, orc four and orc two, and I'm going to swing at orc four. Okay, let's do this. I'm trying to remember which button to press. Let me do this. Ah, control, yep, you got it. Holy shit!

That is almost a crit! Nice. That will hit! Beautiful. Okay, and then damage. Ten damage to the orc. Okay, and that's gonna be it. Alrighty. That will bring up Kaladin. Okay, Kaladin's going to, I'm gonna try and do this. Draw? Nope. God damn it, I can't fucking ever do this thing. That's okay, what are you trying to do? I'm trying to get this, like a square around orc one, orc five and orc three. Oh, go to pointers. Yeah, add some pointers. Yeah. Okay, well, you see where this thing is? That's where I'm casting it. It should encompass all of them. Okay. And he is going to hold out his prosthetic arm and there'll be just like, like a little bit of snow will start falling on their cheeks beautifully and they like are looking up to see this snow fall out of nowhere.

And then all of a sudden these like huge fist size hails are just gonna start like boom, boom, boom, boom, just like falling out of the sky and hitting them, hitting them hard. So let's see. They're gonna make some saves. Saves here. Okay, so orc number five is going to save and orc number one and three are going to fail. So these hails come down and just sort of like bounces off of this one orc, but these other guys are going to get some. Oof. Wow. Okay. Ten damage. Yeah. So boom, he just like makes this hailstorm come around them, sort of bounces off this one orc, but these other ones, boom, boom, boom, get it right in the face.

And then he's just going to hang where he is. So these guys are gonna just just react like, first of all, that is a shock. And orc number one is going to point at Kaladin and scream. Kali, you are up. Okay, so Kali is going to make flames appear in her hands and she's just going to shoot, I don't want to say ray, but like a thing of fire at one of these orcs behind her. Sorry, I'm like so nervous. Don't be nervous. Orcs, I'll go for orc seven. One of these guys behind us sneaky sneaky. Oh, that's gonna miss. I hate everything. All right. As a bonus action, she is going to use, well not use, but evoke a fire blade in her hand.

Ooh. So flame blade. What color is your flame blade? Okay, I'm gonna say green only because it's my favorite color, but I don't want all of the things that go with it. Don't at her. My fairy fire is green. I already established that. So obviously my flame blade has to be green. Okay, this is for the fan artists out there. That's all. Okay. Orc number one is going to sprint forward and place himself right here and target Kaladin. Oh boy. He's pretty pissed. Larg, do you have your disadvantage stuff? That makes sense. Yeah, he's gonna be a disadvantage for that. Larg is gonna push his shield in his face.

Okay, here we go. Disadvantage on the roll. Oh, that is nine. It's gonna miss. Drop the 15. Drop the 15. Holy shit. Kaldin's gonna breathe and look up at Larg and give him a little nod. Nod back. Orc number six is going to close in, target Brailin. Wait a minute. I'm invisible. Oh, you are invisible. Orc number six is going to close in and target Rose. Oops, sorry Rose. Here we go. Oh my god, that's so going to hit with a 22. She has no armor. She has no armor. She's so vulnerable. Ten damage is going to drop Rose. Well, she does have... Would 12 damage drop her? Uh, no.

Okay, because heroism gives her temporary hit points. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. I failed to mention that. I apologize. No, not at all. I've had 12 hit points. Okay, so holy man. Yeah, that is great. That is excellent. Yeah, Rose is going to... Rose... Yeah. That is not good. Better bring out the Larg. Ooh, I gotta do a thing. Hold on. It says she's unconscious. Yeah, I gotta... It should be fixed. Oh no. There we go. Fixed. You're real messy. That's the first negative number, right? That's the first negative. Fuck. Okay. All right, so Larg is going to cast a couple of spells here.

First thing he's going to do is cast Bless, and he's going to cast that on Tatiana. Tatiana and Elena and Callie. We're going to cast Bless. I like it. And then he is going to also cast on himself Divine Favor, which is going to give him an extra D4 of radiant damage every time he hits. Could you do me a favor? Tell the lovely folks at home what Bless does. Bless allows everybody who makes an attack or a saving throw for the next minute to roll a D4 and add it to the roll. So those three for the next minute are able to have better attacks and all that. All right, Callie, Elena, Tatiana.

And that's my turn. All right, this is going to bring up Rose. Rose got hurt, but not nearly as much as she should have gotten hurt. Now while she's not going to turn tail and run, this is not her environment, and you can tell that she's pretty darn scared. But she's in a situation now where it's fight or flight, and since she can't fly, she is going to try and stab this orc. Orc number six, here we go. That is going to hit! Oh my god, Rose. With the pointy end, Rose! [laughter] Oh, that is two damage to the orc. That'll bring up orc number three. Let's see here.

Orc number three is going to saunter on up to Larg and target him, and use Great Axe and Crit. Now, thankfully, that was a one on our Crit table, so we don't roll on the Crit table for the D6. However, this is going to be max-- well, the Crit damage. I mean, that sucks, but if it had to happen to somebody... Right. Okay, so here's-- wow, that is 21 damage to Larg. Oh, good. And he's going to fail on keeping his concentration on the spell, so all of those D4s are expired now. Oh, bless his concentration? Yep. Oh. Goodbye, bless. Shit. Orc number five is going to move over here to Tatiana.

Target Tatiana. Crit one! Let's see here. Let's roll on our table. He explodes. He explodes. That's it. Thirteen Ankle Twist. The Orc is going to twist its ankle, and its movement speed is going to-- it's going to be half and not be able to charge. So let's see. That is obviously going to miss. That'll bring up Braylon. Okay, I am invisible. Is this guy going to swipe at me if I run away? Because he can't see me. Well, if you're invisible, you're invisible. Okay, cool. So Braylon's going to look at the battlefield. He's going to see what's happening. He's going to see that Larg is getting pelted by this thing, and he's going to see Rose.

He's going to see her stab the Orc. So he's like, "Ah, she's fine. She'll be okay." So because I am tiny, I can move-- oh, not tiny. I'm small. I can move through ally squares. Yeah? Believe so, yeah. Okay, one, two-- oh, that's Calli. That's not-- one, two, three, four, five? Okay. And then as he's invisible, as a bonus action, Braylon's going to use Healing Word on Larg. So it's basically going to be him singing-- what's a good song? Smash Mouth All Star for Larg. Oh, lovely. And then as he's singing, I like to imagine, like, his ability begins to, like, fizzle off of him.

So let's do this. In, like, glowing-- like, a glowy glitter, like, sheen. Six back to Larg. Love it. And as my real action, I'm going to use Thunderclap. So as the melodies of Smash Mouth wear off, I'm going to, like, spin the lute around and hit that power chord again. It's going to be Johnny B. Goode. Hey, you know that sound you're looking for? I got it right here, boys. [laughter] I think it's going to hit Larg 2, actually. I think so, yeah. Well, thank you for healing me first. [laughter] I healed you first. One, two, three, yeah. Like, like everybody, right?

Yeah. So, Ork 5, Ork 1, Ork 3, and Larg. Oh boy, sorry. Oh, OK. Well, hope you got a good con save. I do have one of those. Whew! OK, let's run down the list. Ork 3 is going to fail. Ork 5 is going to succeed. Ork 1 is going to succeed. And Larg is going to succeed. Yeah, Larg is succeeded. Yay. So only Ork 3 will take the damage. OK. Oh, nice. That is going to kill Ork 3. [laughter] And then Ork 3's body will fly five feet away because... [laughter] Into the bush. [laughter] Oh, that's so cool. Come out of visibility, heal Larg with Smash Mouth, and then all the Orks are going to turn their attention to him, and as they turn, he's already got the cord ready.

Gonna be good as it comes down. Existing, I'm sorry, Larg! In the middle of the core stroke. [laughter] And then Ork 3 gets... [roar] Flies backwards, guys. Beautiful. I'm done. That'll bring up Ork number seven. Oh, shit. I have to. Ork number seven is going to close in on Rose. No! God damn it. That'll hit. He's like five or some shit, of course it'll hit. Oh, God. That will be enough to down Rose. OK, she's unconscious. She's unconscious. OK. Ork number two. Ork number two is going to target Elena. Oh, and swing terribly. Oh, thanks. Elena will easily deflect that.

Tatiana, you are up. OK. So, I think I want to see if I can start with using my cunning action to use my bonus action to take a step back. Uh, yeah. OK. I'm gonna go right here. And I am going to... Attack Ork one with my shortbow. That, ooh, that'll definitely hit. Twenty-three. Yes. So, awesome. That hits. So, because he's distracted with two other opponents, now I would use my sneak attack to do the extra damage, correct? I believe sneak attack counts for ranged weapons, too. Yeah, it does. Yeah. So, let me roll my regular damage first. That is enough to kill the Ork.

That is ten. Oh, beautiful. I'm gonna roll it anyway. Do it. Another ten. So, boom. Yeah, blow his head off. He just blows his head off. It's like in Fallout 4. You just, like, fucking kill somebody, extra kill them. Yeah. Gorgeous. I mean, he was the mega Ork, so... Yeah. He left a big corpse behind. Nice. And that's gonna end my turn. All right, that is a good way to end a turn. Ork number four is gonna target Elena. And let's see what Ork number four does. Ooh, that'll hit. Holy hell. Uh, fourteen damage to Elena. Okay, that's okay. I can take that. That's okay. You tough.

Are you tanky, Belle? Yeah. Oh, shit. She's pretty tanky. 'Cause I'm, like, super strong. My bad, my bad. Speaking of Elena, you are up. Okay, well, now I'm mad 'cause Ork four hit me, so I'm gonna hit him again. Nice. Yeah. Oh, beautiful. Oh, yeah, holy shit, that'll super hit. Twenty-two. Six damage will kill the Ork. Oh, okay, then never mind. I don't even have to use my thing. Then, uh, that's... Hmm. No, okay, that'll be it then. Okay. Calvin. Calvin is going to hear this thunder wave that Braylin does and, like, shake his head a little bit. He wasn't in the blast radius, but this has happened before.

Braylin loves to play this barracord in front, like, with his allies in the blast a lot. That's okay. It's a signature move. What can I say? It's a signature move. It's like the Red Robin steak fries. Like, you're gonna get them, you know, all the time. Yeah, he's used to it. He's hearing, like, "Eeee!" in his ear and his tinnitus is killing him, but he's going to see Rose go down, and he's gonna turn around to Ork 7 and Ork 6 and just, uh, and, uh, hold out his hand and say, "Get away from her, you bitch!" and, um, pump two, uh, icicles into Ork 7 and one into Ork 6.

Oh. So, boom, boom, and boom. I think it did it, yes, boom. Uh, that'll be 8 damage to Ork 7 and 3 damage to Ork 6. And then that'll be it. He's gonna try and, uh, and stand over, uh, Rose, Rose's body. Gotcha. Callie, you are up. Okay, so I have this flame blade in my hands. Uh, so Callie's gonna move forward a spot and attack, um, I think I'm gonna still attack Ork 7 'cause he's, like, right in Rose's space. Mm-hmm. Oh, wow, that'll super hit. 22. Thank God. Whew, 5 damage to the Ork 7. Okay, and then I have just a quick question for you. Sure. Um, just, like, some wordage.

So, my flame blade is concentration, and it says if I let go of it, I can evoke it as a bonus action again. Would that mean I would be casting another second level spell to evoke it? Or is it still, like, the magic's still there? Let me see the... It's... I think it means I have to use another spell slot to use it again, but I'm not sure. Uh, let's see if I can let go of the blade. It disappears, but you can evoke the blade again as a bonus action. I would say since you have to evoke it again, yeah, it would probably take up another... Yeah. Okay, I'm just double-checking.

That is kind of vaguely worded, though. Yeah, that's why I was wondering. I think it's, like, the benefit they're trying to give you is that you can cast it as a bonus. Yeah. Yeah, fast, but it still casts you. That makes sense. Yeah. No, it's cool. I just wanted to double-check. Alright, well, that'll bring up Ork VI. And Ork VI is going to have its battle axe raised over Rose, but then see all this carnage happening. And instead of targeting Rose, Ork VI is going to target Callie. 16 will hit. Okay. Oh, he rolled low. That's a 6. Okay, I'm good. I'm good. Let's look at that damage.

Wait a minute. 1d12? Yup, their battle axe is 6. These Orks do not screw around. Larg, you are up. Alright, so Larg is going to step up to Ork V, who is next to Braelyn. And he's going to hit him. Yeah, go. You do indeed hit him. 15. Alright. Guess what? You also kill him. Yeah, I do. Nice. Oh, Larg, what does that feel like? Well, he's got his helmet on at the moment, but there's definitely a bit of a war cry happening when he's doing it. So let's see, Rose is going to have to roll. Braelyn, your turn. So after he does a power cord and Larg rushes up next to him and just bashes that Ork into bits, he's going to look up and smile and give him a thumbs up.

Yeah! And then he's going to see behind him Rose on the ground bleeding. He's like, "Oh." And he's going to run here, like he's going to like, "Excuse me," and go slide underneath Larg's legs and then cast Healing Word as a bonus action again on Rose. So let's see if she can get some HPs back. Where are you, Healing Word? There you are. Five. Five HP returned to Rose. Very much appreciated. He will be playing Bone Thugs and Harbonees Wake Up. It's the first of the month. Get up, get up, catch the checks and come on. And then I'm going to take a shot at Ork 7 with my new crossbow.

Oh, fuck. Well, that's going to miss. But it's new, you got to break it in. He's going to take a shot, but his hand's kind of shaking from casting the spell still, so it kind of flies off. That's the end of my turn. Alright, Ork 7 is... Ork 7 is going to target Kali. That's fine. Ork 7 is going to roll a 2. Yes. But that'll bring up Ork 2. Ork 2 is going to continue to swing at Elena. That's a crit 1. That's going to roll on the table. The Ork is going to throw its battle axe into the woods. Wow. Is there a little cooking spray on the handle there? I imagine just the sweat, just the intensity of battle, like whoops, and just throws it into the woods.

It goes for an overhead swing and it's just like... This would have been the perfect time for Stormy to get into meow at this point. Tatiana, you are up. Okay, Tatiana is going to basically do the same thing that she did last time. And attack Ork 7 with her shortbow. Oh, that'll hit. Cool beans. And damage. And then I'll roll the extra damage. Yes. That'll kill the Ork. I'm still going to do it. I know. Meow. Alright, that ends my turn. Alrighty. Elena! Okay, so Elena is going to watch this Ork trying to swing his battle axe at her. And it's not going to even come close to her, which is going to be a little confusing.

And then it just keeps spinning into the forest. And she's going to look at him like, "Are you okay?" Like, "Is everything okay? What's up?" But she's going to hit him anyway. But she's a little concerned for him. Oh, that'll hit. 21. 8 damage to the Ork. Okay. That's going to be it. Kaldin, you're up. Okay, so Kaldin is going to... Sorry, give me a sec. I was not ready and I should have been. Okay. Kaldin is going to point his hand out to this Ork 6 and to Ork 2. And he's going to spend a sorcery point to cast Ray of Frost on both of them. Okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

So 1 is a crit fail. And yeah, it looks like it both missed. So he points out his hand and he points out his ice hand and shoots out these rays that miss. And we'll say the one that... What was the one that missed? The crit miss. The crit miss was Ork 6. Ork 6. Okay. So yeah, we'll say that's the one he's pointing out with his frostedic hand. Okay. Well, oh boy. Okay, so magic's a tricky thing. And as a result, you're going to roll on this Fumble Table Spell Backlash. Your spell feeds back to you, doing its damage and effects onto yourself. Oh, I like it. Okay.

So do I just do some attack damage on me? Yes. Should I just roll? Okay. Let's see if I can... Can I target myself here? Do you half ice damage to yourself, Kaldin? Well, that'll... Oh, I didn't do the damage. Okay. 2. Should I do it twice? Because I did a double spell. No, no, no. That's just mean. I would do that. That's just mean. No. I mean, it makes sense. It does, but I don't want to do that. No, no, no. That's just super mean. So it shatters his hand, the part of his hand that is ice. It just shatters into a bunch of pieces, and some of those shards go and cut his face and explodes out in this cold burst right in front of him that makes him take this damage.

There's no way I can stand on Rose's square or anything, where I'm just standing over her. You can move forward if you wanted. I kind of want to just be on top of her, but if that's not possible... Yeah, you can't really occupy the same space, but yeah. Okay, then he will stay here, and that will be his turn. He'll shake his head. He's got frost all over his face and clothes. Kalie, you are up. Okay, there's an orc in front of me, and I'm going to stab it. You sure are! Yeah! That is a hit. Holy shit. Seven damage to the orc. Okay, that's it. Anything else? That's it.

That's great. I don't know, I'm just so used to it. And I do this, and this, and this, and I was just like, "I can stab things." I just put the sharp thing into that blunt thing. Yeah. No, that's it. Okay, yeah, orc six is going to continue to target Kalie, because fuck Kalie, man. This is just... it's mean. Fourteen. That'll hit. But he's got to roll low again, and it's a six. Oh, lucky. Okay. Two. Larg! Alright, so I think at this point, Larg has kind of noticed that Rose is down, and that everybody's been kind of taking a few lumps in this fight. What he does is he drops his hammer and his shield, and he goes running at and dive tackles orc two.

Oh, wow! And he's going to try to make a grapple attempt. Let's have at it. So that's going to be an opposed athletics check, I think? I think so, yeah. Let's see, grapple check is athletics for me, and then athletics or acrobatics for the... It's going to be athletics. Yeah, I was going to say. I didn't get the one acrobat orc? No. Oh, come on. Oh, okay. Well, let's see what happens. Twelve. So, we both rolled a twelve. Okay. So, I think nothing happens. Yeah, condition doesn't change, but it stays as is. So, can they be doing that thing where two wrestlers grab each other's shoulders and just push?

Yes, they're just locked into it, yeah. And Larg is definitely like, "Raaah!" And I think between throwing his axe into the woods and then having you up in his face, the soric is not having a great day. It's definitely not having a great day. Anything else? That's going to do it. Boy, Rose is up. Rose is coated in sweat. And blood, and just... And a bunch of ice now. Yeah, this is not good. She's going to use half her movement to stand up, and she is going to try and just stab this orc. Orc number six, so let's try it. That is almost a crit. That will kill the orc.

Rose! So, Rose is probably in a fit of panic or something like that. Just stands up and just boop to the neck. Just one, one, yeah. That'll bring up Braelyn. Okay, Braelyn's going to move. Bam, bam, bam. And he's going to use Dissonant Whispers. Actually, no, Vicious Mockery, because that's a level one. I don't want to do that right now. Vicious Mockery on orc number two. Okay. Cast save. That is a failure. Fantastic. That is two damage to the orc. So I just start playing like some Depeche Mode, try and get him depressed a little bit. I'll have a one-two. I'll have a one-two.

I guess the end of the orc is like grapple with Larg and he's kind of like twitching like, "Oh, stop, ah!" And that's the end of my turn. Alright, this orc is locked in combat here with Larg and he's going to try and, I guess, throw a punch because he's got nothing. This is so great. I love what's going on right here. Fucking eight. That's not going to do anything. Tatiana, you were up. I'm going to try to hit. Okay. The last orc. Well. That will miss the last orc. That's okay. I feel like Braylin would look at Tatiana. "Tatiana, you have to hit them!" Can I quickly respond since I missed?

What, to Braylin? Yeah. Sure. Tatiana is going to aggravatedly because they're still in battle and he's teasing her and she's just going to sort of like look down at him. "At least I can hit a target." What? I can't hear you because you keep missing. Why the drive-by? Katya skinks her bow around. She's a Braylin now. There's a lot of sass tonight at the table. There's a lot of sass. Yeah, so many drive-bys. Alayna, you are up. So all of this sass gets Alayna even more confused than she already was because we're in the middle of fighting bad guys and then everyone's yelling at each other.

So she's going to try and end the fight already. Okay. By swinging at the last orc, orc number two. Let's do it. Oh yeah, that'll hit. Okay. That will kill the orc. Yeah. And that will take you guys out of combat. Congratulations. Seven orcs. Not too bad. Beefy boys. Braylin's going to look at Tiana and say, "Hey, I was just kidding about that missing stuff. Good job." Cauldron is going to go to Rose and just say, "Are you okay? Are you okay?" Yeah, she's going to drop the knife and drop to her hands and knees here, gasping for air. And it almost looks like she's going to throw up.

Like that kind of mouth elongated type of thing. Just having a real hard time catching your breath. Cauldron holds her hair. He's like, "You did good. You did good. You're fine. It's over. It's over. Callie. Callie." Yeah. So Callie's going to drop her concentration on her flame blade. And so you're described as pretty sweaty, even before the battle. Does it look like she's kind of feverish? Do me a favor. Give me a perception check. I'll tell you what you see here. Okay. Thirteen. I would say it could be a few things. It's not that hot out today. It's definitely not hot enough to be coated in sweat.

But again, she was just kind of perspiring a little bit before this attack. That could be a slight fever. It could be head cold, something like that. In combat, though, you're moving around a bit. But again, probably not enough to be that coated in sweat. Okay. So she's going to actually reach out. Because she was fine while we were at the camp. As far as wound-wise. So now she's worried about some kind of sickness. So she's going to reach out. If she's on the ground, she'll probably put her hand on her head and cast Lesser Restoration on her. And see if that does anything.

Okay. I did it. Can Tatiana, as she's going to pick up her arrows, just throw that in there. She's going to look through these bodies, but mainly she's going to grab one of these battle axes and push it against Lard's chest. And she's going to look up at him. You need to be using one of these. So as soon as the fight ended and Elena killed the one that he was wrestling with, Lard basically would have just continued his push and basically hurled the body off the road. Right. And then to turn around to that, he would have looked down at it and looked back at her and been like, "No, I don't use their weapons." And he would take that and turn around and wing it overhand into the forest as well.

I think Tatiana would be confused. Right. She would probably give him like a quizzical look and say, "There?" Yeah, he's got his helmet on still, so you can't really see his face, but he's kind of huffing from the remainder of the fight and he's almost avoiding the conversation by starting to clean up the way he tends to clean up bodies, I guess. But he's being much more like grab one by the ankles and swing it off the road and being a lot more rough. Being like, "Yeah, there." She would not push it. And I think she'd probably just start helping him clear the road.

Bralin's gonna loot some of the orcs, see if they have any gold or stuff that they got from raiding, because these are like ambushers for sure. Oh, they absolutely are. You're not gonna find any gold, but you will find bits of rations and stuff like that. This is probably the first... It seems like this is probably the first ambush of the day, that type of thing. God damn, cash register's empty, guys! Hey, Larg. We were the lucky ones. This is the last time I'm going to ask you to do this in this session. Could you do me a favor and roll a d6 with a negative two?

Okay, thank you. I appreciate that. Sure. So, this was a harrowing experience, obviously. But you guys dealt with it really well. Orcs can be particularly nasty in terms of combat. They don't wear a lot of armor, which makes them easy to hit, but sometimes they're beefy boys and they do lots of damage in bursts. Cauldron's gonna go up to that one body, the first one that got on the road, and he's gonna look down and say, "Should've spoke common." I just picture one of those CSI shows, you pulling off your sunglasses. "Should've spoke common." And just to be clear, these are real orcs, right?

Oh, okay. That's a hurtful term. They're full orcs, yes. Okay. What I meant was "real" was... "You ain't real?" That type of thing? Are you a real elf? No, like if we are in fact seeing real orcs, you know what I mean? Ah. Yes. Oh, you mean like physically, corporally there? Uh, yeah. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Okay, you're not just shadowboxing in the middle of the forest, no. I'm sure Lark, Kelly, and Elena can tell you they're real. And Rose. They hit like they're real. Are we assuming that these orcs are the people that hung the people up? Well, there's no real way to ask them, so I guess we shouldn't worry about it too much.

Ralen's gonna look around at the orcs that are like down and look back at Elena's, and Cal didn't say that. And think say out loud like, "Well, those guys, they were pretty heavily armored. I don't think seven of them would've taken down all ten of those guys." "There's probably more. This is probably like a piece of them, you know? Like a scouting party or something." Do you think we're walking into orc territory? Uh, maybe. I mean, as far as I know, the Deadwood is all, it's all ambush city. Like, there's not a lot of safe spots, if any. So, hopefully we run into more groups of this size, but he's gonna, Brandon's gonna look at Kelly.

When we looked at where we found Rose, we know that if we had gone further, we would've been deep, deep in orc territory too, right? Yeah, further north. Well, do we need to, do we need to rest at all? Larg, Elena, Rose, do you need to take a little break here? Larg will approach Rose and attempt to lay on hands again if she lets him. So Rose is still on the ground here, and she keeps doing this thing where the dirt, the dirt making up the road here, she keeps balling it up in her hands, like kind of, not digging at the ground, but just, you could tell she's trying to regain her composure, and her breathing is getting heavier.

And she, she keeps flexing her back just like, almost again, like she's going to throw up, and she doesn't quite throw up. Could the party do me a favor and roll a perception check? Oh, you know we can. Rose, what the hell? Oh no, that was not good. Oh, come on. Whaaaaat? We spent all our good rolls in the fight. Tatiana, Larg, and Brelin are going to notice some things. One, she is dripping in sweat, like very, you're going to see little beads of sweat kind of plop into the dirt beneath, you know, under her face where she is just contorting almost in what looks like pain.

Like someone who has intense stomach cramps, something like that, and she's going to be gasping for air and just, it went from being out of breath to like, okay, something is wrong. And she is going to arch her back again, almost this time like a cat. Think real Halloween decoration cat type of thing. And you're going to see the ridges of her spine start to poke through the skin, almost. Everybody get behind me. And this time when she flexes, she keeps like scrunching up dirt underneath of her hands and this time she is going to make one long push and let go of her fists and talons are going to start to grow where her fingernails once were.

And all fibers of hair are going to start to coat her body. And I think it's a pretty good time for us to stop for the night. Okay, who had money on werewolf? Pretty sure the world had money on werewolf. Yeah. Oh boy. Thanks. What's that? Have we fought werewolves before? I don't think so. This is like on the bottom of our list. We haven't crossed it off yet. Like, yo, this is the one we wait for later to fight this one. Just rolling through Karen's greatest hits right now. Alright guys, that's this week's episode of Dungeons and Randomness. What did you think?

Let us know over on Facebook, Twitter or on our Discord server. In lieu of a clip from Patreon this week, I wanted to talk to you guys about the next episode of Group B. If you are as excited as I am to hear what happens to Group B as soon as you possibly can, I have great news for you. The very next episode of Group B is going to be recorded live during Theoryathon, our yearly 12 hour stream, which will be on Saturday the 21st of April starting at 12pm EST. Groups B and C are both confirmed to be playing live that day, unless something goes terribly wrong, but let's not talk about that.

We always close out with a live GMT. Usually, Jace and I are exhausted and wind down with some drinks at that point. It's a fantastic time and we hope that you will join us then. Of course, if you can't make it, those episodes that we record that day will be edited and posted as usual on Mondays, so don't worry about missing a thing. You'll just be able to see it live, interact with us as a group, talk to people on the show. It is a fantastic time. Once again, that is going to be April the 21st starting at 12pm EST and you can find that over on our Twitch channel at twitch.tv/dandrpodcast.

We hope to see you there and don't forget about our Patreon at patreon.com/dandr. Thank you all so much for listening and we will see you next week.