Year of the Dragon

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

(glass clinking) (glass clinking) - Pickaxe. - Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. - You're the Marine? - Yeah, you're the ex-con. - Yeah, I did time, but you only gotta cast aspersions at me. - From the director of "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and "The Bourne Identity" comes a new film. - It's your first job? - I know what I'm doing. - I'm a little late for a crit change. - Starring Matt Damon. - Everybody in New England is after us. - And Casey Affleck. - Go, go, go, go, go! - What are you doing? - Taking notes. - Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. - The Instigators, rated R.

Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. - This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. - Um, I think they mean us. - Oh, (beep) Um. - With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Only on Peacock. (dramatic music) - Hear that? That's the sound of summer getting closer. The anticipation of hitting the open road for a family adventure. And there's no better place to do it than in New Hampshire.

From hands-free thrills during a day at the park, to chugging your way up the highest peak in the Northeast, New Hampshire is calling. Make your summer plans now at visitnh.gov and discover your new. - Friday, August 4th, Vision's federal credit union, IBM, Delta Engineers, and Mirabito present WWE Hall of Fame superstar and Olympic gold medalist, Kurt Angle. From three to six p.m. at this year's Speedyfest balloon rally. This meet and greet is very limited and you must have a Kurt Angle commemorative ticket. Available at all Mirabital convenience stores.

Online at speedifest.com and ticketmaster.com. Tickets are just $20 and good for admission to the Kurt Angle meet and greet and for the nighttime concert. Speedyfest, brought to you by Tioga Downs Casino Resort. (dramatic music) - Arc 2, episode 46 of the DNR podcast is brought to you today by you lovely folks on patreon.com/dandr. Throughout the month of September, we're gonna be reposting everything that we did at Dragon Con 2018 for just $5 on our Patreon. You can get all of that plus a slew of extra content that we post including behind the scenes stuff for every episode that we have raw material for and just a bunch of outtakes and personal conversation from the cast.

It's all at patreon.com/dandr. So go check that out today. (dramatic music) Before we get to this very special episode, obviously this is not exactly like a regular episode of the DNR podcast. This was recorded live Saturday, September 1st at 8.30 PM about at Dragon Con 2018. We had a wonderful, wonderful audience of 140 plus people. They were all very patient as we set everything up and we dealt with some tech issues and we were interviewed by Dragon Con TV. It was a dream come true. I can't thank everybody enough who spent their time there and hung out with us and had a blast alongside us.

We will be covering everything that happened at Dragon Con 2018 on our Good Morning Theria thread. You can find that at Good Morning Theria wherever you get your podcasts. And we're gonna be going in depth and covering every single thing that happened. We're also posting a ton of raw material in our Patreon feed or whenever that really quickly. But for now, please enjoy this live session of the show. It was taken from about four different audio feeds. So I did my very best in terms of making it all pretty much sound the same. If the volume goes up or down a little bit, I tried to normalize everything, but it was a pretty hectic night and we did exactly, you know, we did all that we could.

So thank you guys for your continued support and I hope you enjoy the show. - Everyone sat down, you will find a playbill. You will find a quick little catch up about our plot. At least the stuff that's relevant tonight. It won't spoil the show for you. It can do if you are new. Who's new? Who has no idea who we are? - Oh my. (cheering) - Oh my God. - Can we get a round of applause? I know you're tired of clapping, but get a round of applause for our street team who has tirelessly spread the word about this panel. (cheering) Thank you so much. So we might need a battle map tonight guys.

- That was your evil laugh. I don't know. - No. - What fighting don't you and dragons get out? (laughing) - So we might need this. We'll see. Maybe you can handle this diplomatically. - Well we do have knowledge of it. - We do? - Yeah. - We do. - Let's walk through it. (laughing) - So we are Dungeons to Randomness. We are a podcast that has been around for six and a half years. We've been playing one campaign for that entire time. There are 18 players. This is just a selection of lovely people who decided to join us on stage tonight. I'll be introducing them in just a second.

There are three groups. Every one of them is just kind of scattered around the world doing their own thing, but it's all one timeline. So if someone goes into a town and butchers everybody, guess what? The town's gone. Like there's just no one there. So the next group that rolls through, they're not gonna buy anything, I guess. (laughing) For free. Yeah, take what you can carry. - I'll be real. - Oh man. So I think we're ready to get started. You guys good? - Yeah, let's go. - All right. - And we're ready. - Ready. - Let's do that thing where we go around the table to introduce ourselves.

I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Brie. - Hi, I'm Breanne Marie and I play Amber Baharat, the paladin of Tiefling. Tiefling paladin. - And Jasper. - I'm Jasper. - I play Hindara Theta, rogue assassin. - And Rob. - Hey, I'm Mark Wiesenhan, I play that guy. By the way, you made it. (laughing) Malchus Grimness, Tiefling warlock. (cheering) - With the odds of me getting out of here. (laughing) - I can pull a bridge. (laughing) - And Susan. - Hey, I'm Susan Smater and I'm gonna be playing Errola Grimness, also bad. (cheering) Her class has changed, so we'll reveal that later.

But she's a Tiefling. - And last but certainly not least, Xavier. - Hi, I'm Xavier and I will be playing Edmund Page, the elven butler who's the multi-class Monica Barton. (laughing) - The main thing is butler. - Butler, yeah, butler. So we want a text here. - Alfred's badass. - So, to catch everybody up who's new, there is a cult in the city of Esterholt called the Order of the Scale. They believe that dragon life is 10 times more precious than people. They believe that we should pretty much essentially bow down to dragons and sad thing is, a few years back, a very large red dragon named Strahd died in the city of Odysseus, which is south of Esterholt.

And they were pretty loud about it, while the people of Esterholt were obviously rejoicing. They were like, "Hey, no more big red dragon. "Awesome, good job." The Order of the Scale wasn't too happy about this and they were pretty loud. But like a lot of crazy cults, the people of Esterholt pretty much figured, okay, they're all talk. They're just annoying. Just don't look at them. You may have seen people like that around Dragon Con. (laughing) And you just go, "Okay, I'm just trying to get to a panel," and you move on. The problem is, the Order of the Scale is very tenacious.

They didn't stop talking and they got louder and louder. Eventually, they found something called the Scroll of Resurrection. There are only seven of these in the entire world, some of which have been used on the show. It is a guaranteed way to bring something back to life, which is a very rare thing in our world. Resurrection is not guaranteed. As a matter of fact, the odds of you coming back from death are slim. The cult wants to bring back straw. That is what this party is going to try and prevent tonight. They have been contracted by the city of Esterholt to head to Odyssea and try to get a drop on the cult, which has a day head start on them.

So what I'd like to do is I'd like to pick up on the 28th of Ferior, which is the second month in our calendar. You guys have been on the road for three days. Now, there's a tradition on our show. We like to roll for the journey. We like to roll for luck. We do a flat D20. And at one point I'm going to be calling on one of you to roll for the party slot. (audience cheering) Better be good. (audience laughing) But who would like to do me a favor on this lovely panel and roll a flat D20 for me? - I'll do it. - All right, Susan. - You got this. - So obviously the higher the number, the better the luck in the journey.

So this is just, how has the journey been so far? How's the weather been treating you? How's- - Get it right. - Two. (audience laughing) - Yeah! - Do we have to put dice I rolled during the practice fight and I also rolled a one on it? - Yeah. - Throw it out. (audience laughing) - Freeze it and break it. (audience laughing) - I'm gonna go now. - This is how it started? Okay. Here's the thing about Odysseus. It's a dead city. It used to be this brilliant beacon of shining hope. The Aladrin lived there and a hundred years ago, they vanished. That's a mystery that was solved on the show.

I won't bore you with the details, but this city is in ruin. That is where Strahd landed. Strahd had a mate. Strahd's mate is Aruthimar and Aruthimar has been in the city of Odysseus for three years, laying dormant. She has not done anything. She has not attacked cities. She has not, you know, went out for revenge like a lot of people thought. In fact, there are some people who wonder if she's even there, but no one wants to get close enough to the city to find out. I have a special meaning under this desk. - That's why I called it two. (audience laughing) - Good night everybody.

(audience laughing) - I also wrote it two. (audience laughing) I hope I don't have to bring it out at any point. (audience laughing) (audience cheering) - Everyone step back. Hopefully we just deal with the order of the scale tonight. - Hopefully. - Everyone cross your fingers. It actually is gonna come down to one of you. I just want to let you know. Oh, it's not so exciting anymore, is it? (audience laughing) So this has not been the best track so far. You're in the MALCUS Mobile, which is, describe the MALCUS Mobile to us please. - It's a lovely carriage made of black and gold with purple velvet cushions.

(audience booing) - That is, it's sexy. It's a sexy, it's a sexy part. - I'm accepted to prepare for exactly occasions like this. (audience laughing) The MALCUS Mobile has taken a bit of a hit on this journey. It has, it has rained relentlessly for three days. It is, you have hit, the problem is Odessi is a dead city. So we're not thinking about the road leading to Odessi anymore. No one's taking care of it. There's potholes, there's trees down, there's all kinds of stuff, so. - What am I paying my taxes for? (audience laughing) - No one's paying taxes on Odessi.

- They're all dead. - There's no infrastructure. So it's slowed you guys down a bit, which means the order of the scale, depending on how quickly they've been traveling might be even further ahead of you guys, which is bad. The only thing that this group has on the order of the scale is, the order of the scale doesn't know they're being pursued. They don't know, so there's no reason for them to hurry. They're actually taking their time with this for the most part because they're sort of relishing the moment. This is, they're bringing Strahd back. This is a big deal and they want to savor this occasion.

Now, what would you guys have been discussing or going over leading up to this? Because it's bad enough that you're dealing with a crazy cult that will probably defend themselves if you try to stop them. There might be a dragon in the way. What is going through your heads? Well, first of all, we have to make sure everyone stays hydrated. It has been pretty hot lately and I haven't seen you taking out your water skins. I've been giving this style of treatment for three days. I don't know how to get it off. I do know the three of us are T-Blings and Blood Hunt.

I just want one space for all of you. - Four of us? - Yes. - Oh, yes. - Yes. Part of this adventure is that this was a big task. So we had to bring some people out of retirement. These are characters that retired on the show a long time ago. And you may have come to some of the panels that we've done earlier. The problem with adventures is there are two packs. You either stop and retire eventually or you die. There's not a great retirement plan for adventures. So to go out on the road and do one last ride, it has to be a pretty big deal. There has to be a big, and dragons, that's a pretty, it's in the name.

It's right there. So the mayor of Esther Hall is a lovely lady named Jadzia Remus-Grace. - Hello. - And she has a husband named Thales. That is the bigger brother. - Oh, sweet lovely man who does not deserve anything bad to happen to him ever. - We'll find out. Thales is played by myself. He's a grumpy older brother to Malkus and Erolove. - With two children. - With twins at home, yes. And we'll see if it dies to cut you off too so far. This is not great. - Okay, how about everyone else on the road? It's just relentless. Ring, what's that doing to the velvet? - I mean, the roof's good, so.

It's not a bad carriage, Jason. - I'm asking questions, it's my job. - Okay, okay. No, I would imagine the entire carriage is holding up rather well unless the two applies to the carriage. - No, not yet. - Okay. [audience laughing] - I don't think you're gonna curse that. [audience laughing] - He hits me so often. What would Kindara be doing? - So, Kindara is, he's got, he's an arrogant sort of rogue. So rather than sort of the rogue with the hood and just doesn't, in the shadows, he kind of wants to boast and that sort of thing. So I imagine he's arrogantly sitting, do you know what I mean?

Like, he came back, he has something, you know. - Man's Friday? - And, and-- - I've heard that in three different areas of the world. [audience laughing] - And I can't do that thing. You know that thing that people do with the pen and they like do it around their finger like this? I can't do that, I've never been able to figure it out. But he's doing that with his dagger. - Oh, that's bad. - And he's basically, he's just like, I don't wanna be here. I've just got, I got hired. So he's just minding his own business. He's giving him the silent treatment. - Is it because I called you Tandara during the, our meeting last time and nobody called me on this? [audience laughing] And I feel very embarrassed about this.

- You're so sweet. I don't think anybody wants it. I don't know what you're talking about. - See? I told you, I told him this, guys, that no one cared. - What about Ember? - I feel like Ember is in her full paladin armor. She didn't take it off to enter the carriage or anything. And she's just, she has an aura about her. Something might be really furious, like probably sharpening her weapons. Like, and a little bit antsy that she has to be inside of this carriage, but she does have to be because it's raining outside. Like otherwise she would be outside the carriage probably walking, but instead she's just like sharpening, like staring at a wall, dead silent.

- At about midday, there's gonna be, it's been kind of chilly at last. It's early spring time. So there's, with it raining like this, there's a bit of a chill in the air and you can all kind of feel it. I would imagine it's that dampness just kind of gets in your armor and eventually you're all just kind of hovered up and the carriage is rolling along and all of a sudden streaking overhead is gonna be a huge black dragon. There is going to be, he rolled a two. [audience laughing] - You're making me. You, you rolled a two. This did, this did, not me. - It is going to streak overhead, not slow down or break stride.

It's not going to attack. It's pretty far above you, but you can see it. It's massive, pull under its wings and just, it looks like it's in a hurry. It's trying to get somewhere. Now what's interesting about this is Ruth Mard doesn't go anywhere. It stays in Odysseus. Besides little hunting trips back and forth, there have been very few sightings of this dragon. There have been very few people who've gotten close to this thing and have lived to talk about it. And it's going to pass you by and head more east, just streak right above you. - What direction are we going in again?

- You are going to the south. You're going to Odysseus. - Oh, that's good. - Yeah. - I like that. - It's good for now. [audience laughing] - Cute. Very cute. - May I suggest that we double up our paints and try to get in Odysseus as soon as possible. This seems to be our chance. - Yeah. [imitates whip cracking] [audience laughing] - I'm going to push this carriage to the limits. [audience laughing] - I'm going to max out the Nalkis movie. [audience laughing] - We should have painted flames on it before we left. - That's gaudy. [audience laughing] - But it worked.

- It's so many levels. - I'm refined. [audience laughing] - So, Rob, can you describe the carriage? Like how are there two seats up front with a couple of horses? Is it workforce? How does it raise it gas powered? [audience laughing] - It's powered by my snarky rage. No, I'm-- [audience laughing] - It's really fast. [audience laughing] - It's powered by your ego. - Oh. [audience laughing] - You can fly. [audience laughing] - Love you, Rob. [audience laughing] - You done? [audience laughing] - I mean, I imagine you could squeeze in three on each side if you like packing people in tight, but I suspect it's more two facing one direction, two facing another direction, two up top driving the pair of horses.

- Okay. - There are twos to me. - There's that. [audience laughing] - Hopefully not many more. [audience laughing] - I would like one more flat D20 from one of you because I would like, I wanna roll for the cult. I don't wanna do this because I feel it would be unfair. - Well, can I roll again then? [audience laughing] - Go ahead. - No, no, no, no. [audience laughing] - Who wants to see Susan redeem herself? [audience cheering] - I'm with an audience all the time, this is great. [audience laughing] Here's the thing, it's the same rules for them. The higher you roll, the faster they were going.

- Shh. [audience laughing] - Go. - Oh God. - Gotta roll one. - Okay, we're in. - We're in. - No, no, no. - David, it's a high D. [audience laughing] - You wanna cut? - You're in the line. - You're in the line. - Yeah. - Oh. - It's almost a crick. [audience cheering] - Jason, this tastes like sweet, you can have it. [audience laughing] - I'm just gonna get these minis ready. [audience laughing] - Oh. - Yeah, it's his shaver. - It's fine, yeah. - It's his shaver. - Thank you so much Ian. - We're gonna go keep it there. - We're probably gonna need those. So let's say that the order of the scale have been hauling ass to Odysseus for the last four days.

And they got a good jump on you. Why am I looking at my watch? [audience laughing] - We're not there Jason. - So they buy the carriage powered by the window or? [audience laughing] - He's like waiting for their sales, Ross. - I'm waiting for their sales. [audience laughing] - Oh man, okay, so here's what we're gonna do. They obviously, they had a jump on you guys, but you wouldn't know that. Your characters wouldn't know that. So you, you wanted to continue on. It's like Edmond wanted to push extra hard to where he does he adjust to, just to see what was, just you took the dragon flying overhead.

It's like, oh, here's our chance. It won't be in the city. - Okay, let me know as soon as we're within one mile of the city or city center. There's something I'd like to do. - Okay, that sounds like a devious plan. - Okay. - Tiny least car around. [audience laughing] - This seems scary, I'm gonna do this. - It's too late now. - No. [audience laughing] - Getting all my spell cards ready. - Let's advance time to the 29th of Ferriero. You guys have had it. Let's say you're sleeping on the carriage on the way. There's no making camp anymore. You're just going. You don't know how long this dragon's gonna be gone.

So let's take advantage of this while you have the chance. You are one mile outside the city of Odysseus. Now let me describe something to you guys. Odysseus was again, this glittery, gleaming jewel. It's centered on the Southern coast on a cliff side. It was a beautiful, beautiful Atlantic city. Now it's Detroit. [audience laughing] No offense anyone from Detroit. I come from New Jersey. - How long ago did you write that? - I just thought of it. - Oh, good job. - Thank you. [audience laughing] - I like to think it's in an old notebook one day. You went through Detroit and went, yeah.

- I'm just gonna zing every city. [audience laughing] And I mean like Robocop Detroit. Like that's the Detroit I'm talking about. - Ow. - Yeah. [audience laughing] So the war forged. The war forged took the city over because they had no home. And the war forged did not really care about nice things. They were just looking for a city to call their own. So instead of a beautiful road leading into the city, they set up pits and spikes and they set up things to keep people out. Problem, all the war forged are virtually dead. - Oh. - I may have had a hand in that. [audience laughing] - Where are your fingers?

- Essentially a magical virus that killed them all very painfully. It was for the greater good. [audience laughing] Woo! It's a long story, but don't need that right now. - Now this? - No. The point is leading into the city, you get far away, you're gonna see war forged rusted bodies. The carcasses of these people scattered everywhere. Twisted visions of pain in their faces that last moments spent in Theria in agony. - Oh. - You done? [audience laughing] - No, Malchus actually looks out of the carriage and seeing this actually does make it slightly more real to him.

It's been quite a while since he released that engineered play. And at that volume, it becomes kind of a number, particularly when you do what Malchus did, which was set it off, walk away. So looking out the carriage, he just kind of, he gets very stoic and just kind of watches it go by and kind of bites his lip and just kind of stares. - This has come up on the show. - Her love is a little insightful. So she'll look to her brothers and put her hand on him and say to him, I was fighting and you did that. And it really changed everything. - Aw. It did have to be done.

- I might not have been here, but not for that. So there's that. - Aw. - Malchus kind of cracks a little sideways through it and thank you. - Valus Malchus. (audience laughs) - Wait, give him a noogie. - No, Valus has always had a very hard time accepting his little brother because to him, his brother went away, never got in contact with his family, just went off and... - Hear that. - That's the sound of summer getting closer. The anticipation of hitting the open road for a family adventure. And there's no better place to do it than in New Hampshire. From hands-free thrills during a day at the park, to checking your way up the highest peak in the Northeast, New Hampshire is calling.

Make your summer plans now at visitnh.gov and discover your new. - At Warner's Gas, they're here for your community as part of the Superior Plus family of energy companies. This heating season, they offer their best value ever. Sign up for their premium package. You'll receive a $275 credit and they'll donate $25 to the Feeding America Food Bank, the country's largest organization dedicated to fighting America's hungry. Enjoy worry-free auto delivery, auto pay, and a free tank monitor while you help feed the hungry. They call out their Warm Homes Full Plates Program.

Call Warners today at 607-748-2989. Visit superiorpluspropane.com for more information. - Kind of got all the glory. He was, Malchus is a character who is kind of in the center of it all, all the time. And if you have a sibling that wins all the trophies and the awards, and you feel like you do more work but don't get recognized, there's always that undercurrent of jealousy or resentment or whatever. And after having kids, he's mellowed a little bit. And he would probably even nod like, yeah, fine. That type of thing, just like, yeah, it had to be done.

That's fine. But it would be reluctant. - This is what reconciliation looks like, guys. (audience laughing) - Six years we've been working on that. - Before the Cruz family. - Yeah, that's. - You're one mile outside of Odysseus. - All right, Mr. Bates stops the card and will step out just for a moment. Just hold on, make yourselves comfortable. I will gather a little intel of the enemy and I will be right back. And he just hops off the card very nimbly. He's a very older elf, but he's very, very dexterous, very soft and quiet. He's wearing this long, kind of Friar Rose type thing, but it's very bright and blue and it's made of, made of these different lap-soaked fabric.

So when he moves, they kind of open up. And as soon as he hits the ground again, they kind of close and give that silhouette, like the journey silhouette, which is like the cell other two little legs. And he'll just like hop on the top of the card, very good roof. (audience laughing) And he'll take out his flute from under his robes and he'll start playing a little music as he casts a spell that I have. It's called clairvoyance. Now lets me see in an unfamiliar location, but that's obvious, so it will be the center of the city. And I would like to use it to see instead of hearing.

- Okay. - So I can do one of the or the other. But it says it needs a component that's like a hundred gold pieces. Can we say a half of it? (audience laughing) Thank you. - We'll just take it out of your payment for doing this job. That's called poll two. - So he sits down, cross-legged and starts playing his flute as he channels the magic of his spell. And I'll let you know when it's up in 10 minutes. (audience laughing) - So while Edmund is zoned out for 10 minutes, is it starting to set into the party? Is it, look the city's right there, you can see it.

And it's crumbling and kind of grimy looking. There's boss and grass growing up way over where it should be. It would normally be packed up. Is the pressure certain to get to anyone? Just not knowing, I guess. - Yeah, can you just visibly, just with our own eyes, can you look down on the city and like see any figures walking around it? - We're not seeing any figures. It's more of an uphill type of thing. But with no dragon there, that is a feather in your cat. That's a plus, obviously. The problem is you're not exactly sure how many of these cult members are in the city or where they are.

Well, if they've done the thing that they've come to do, you have no idea how far ahead of you they are. 10 minutes ago, Pat. And Edmond is going to be able to see that there are eight figures. Cool thing about this spell right now is that it's not like the city's bustling. So it's gonna be really easy to get a bead on what you're after. There are eight figures clad in this decorated dragon armor. They're very uniform, very united, ready to go for a cult. They got their shit together. I mean, they got the uniform, but at least they're ready to go. They also have the scroll.

They have not used it yet. - Do I see the remains of Strahd from this? - Absolutely do. The bones of Strahd are very clearly visible. - Okay. All right, he hops back down very quickly and goes back on the, actually, - May I suggest we run or go a little faster than this card? It's a great card, that's the grimness, but we need to move a little faster. I suggest I count a gate of them. They're all very armed, very armored, and they seem ready to go, but they haven't done this spell yet, so please follow my lead. - I guess we'll mark the cart and follow his lead.

- Yeah. So you're not trying to stealth in, you're just running up. - It's a mile. - What? Okay. (audience laughing) - You just have to stealth for a mile. - So, okay, you're going to run until you feel like they could be able to hear you. - Well, when we get, yeah, within the ruins of a city so that there's a place for us. Once we get close enough, we can start hiding. I'd say. - Okay. - I'm just wondering, in the days that we spent in the cart, did we ever discuss how we're gonna go about this? Do we know if we're going to try to diplomasize first, or are we going to just attack?

Is that something that was discussed? My character would really much like to attack. (audience laughing) If there was a voting process, per se. - Is there a specific reason for that, or that's just how Ember handles business? - Definitely a reason for that. - Okay. - Well, the captain of the guard, Mr. Fowler's Grimnast, told us that if we can't reason with them, we have the authority to just punch holes in them. - They have to. - Yeah, so let's try that. - Just as long as you stop that ritual, if you can do that, do it by any means necessary. - With any talk of diplomacy at all, Kendare would have said, "Sure thing, devil boss." (audience laughing) - That is a hardcore racial slur.

I'm just letting you know, in the world of, it's just, it's, I know. - Oh, okay. (audience laughing) Okay. - You're making a lot of very fiery enemies right now. There are four of us here. - Four, six, two-thirds of the party is, why do you think I count surviving this? - Okay. (audience laughing) - Valid. - But he had, you know, but yeah, sure thing, but had absolutely no intention. It's clear, it's just like, yeah, whatever, man. - Okay, whatever you want. - Melanin's interviewed Alice and said, "They haven't used the scroll yet. You still wanna talk first?" - I'd say four days in a cart, you get a little antsy.

This is his first time back on the road. He was a very, very violent person. He comes from the city of Brightport. His nickname was the Butcher of Brightport. He was not a great guy, honestly. He's trying to sort of make up for stuff. He has kids now, he's mellowed out. - Okay. - I guess. But very, very like, - Looks like a half-hearted effort at this. - So we could say that, you know, I could tell my wife, I tried, like, (audience laughing) - A short talk, then. - Do we all wanna go and face them together, or comment from a side? - I'm not sure if you already know what I'm talking about.

- Well, I mean, the people, those of us who wanna do plomasize, he goes, "It's a plomasize." The rest of us can get ready for a fight. - Are you suggesting, like, staging people in certain areas around them, so that it goes bad, and you can kind of approach from all angles? - I know a spell, which I could create an opening, if you wanna go into a building. - Okay, so who are the talkers, and who are the ambushers? - You are clearly the talker. (audience laughing) - That was with you, y'all. - You did grow up with me. - I'm familiar. - I will accompany masochist, as well.

- More specific. - There are, - Mastomalchus grins. - Oh, a mouthful, Malchus. (audience laughing) - I see you. - I meant 17. (audience laughing) - Malchus is very relaxed. - That's my brother you're talking about. - Okay, we phased out the dirty fanfic, and we've done a couple times, but we don't do that anymore. So let's, back on track, people. - Padar will suggest that he will be in the shadows. He's gonna go into stealth mode. Whenever it gets to the point where we can see and sort of understand what the situation is, where people are sitting, standing, whatever they might be doing, he's gonna go straight into the shadows.

Right? So let me know when to roll for that. Oh, I will. - Ember? - Ember would be on board with sneaking in behind and fighting if it's the smart kid to do, someone else is gonna be with her or something like that. - Okay, so I talk because I talk. He's coming along. Balas, you're with us also as the figure of authority. - He'd wanna go in team ambush. (audience laughing) - Yeah, but you're the one who's representing the law enforcement. - All right, but he's folding his arms and staying in the back. He's muddled. Like he's just saying, he's like, all right, I'm gonna back up.

And they say, if I have to speak, fine. - That's the brother I know. (audience laughing) - If it's just going to be Ember going behind, maybe it's better just to stay as a group then. - Ember and Errol. - Ember and I, you're coming too? - Yeah. - All right, can we get going to like a building? - You can go and see. - Sneaky McGee. - You were sneaky McGee by yourself. - Oh, I thought I was so stealthy and nobody could hear you. (audience laughing) That could be a problem. (audience laughing) You know what? Give me a favorite roll of stealth check. (audience laughing) Got a couple of E20s up here.

I'm gonna go for one of the big ones. - Right. - Stealth is, I have a plus 10. - Right. - That means I have a 15. (audience laughing) - Do this professionally? (audience laughing) Like you stealth professionally? (audience laughing) Solid rolls tonight, everybody. Solid rolls. - It's been a rough couple of days. - It's done. We're all wet, it just sucks. All right, so we got team sneaky Stabby and we got team diplomacy. - Team sneaky Stabby. - Sneaky, I'm writing it down. (audience laughing) - You guys need injuries. (audience laughing) - So these eight well armored individuals have these dragon head pauldrons and they're kind of like, they're just gonna sit.

They're really into this dragon motif. Like they really, it's like they got the airbrushed van where it sits on the side. (audience laughing) And you're gonna see two archers set up near someone who's very heavily clad in armor. The guy who's heavily clad in armor is going to be kneeling down with the scroll. So they're about to do what they came to do. In total, there are eight of these guys. They don't know that you're here yet. You're approaching to speak with them. How do you wanna kick this off? - It's my bluff again. - That's cool. - It's? - Oh, it's a bust at me guys, it's a bust at me.

(audience laughing) - I said it's tented. - Really? (audience laughing) - So Malchus and Valus and Mr. Page, right? - Yes. - Everyone else has been all walk up and be playing. So we're not even trying to hide. So I assume they see us. How do they react upon seeing us just walking up? - Well, first there'd be shock because the city's empty and I'd say one of the lead order members is gonna whip around, sort out, who goes there? - Do you incompetent clowns even understand how surrounded you are right now? - It's not the clowns. (audience laughing) - That's the other one, yeah.

(audience laughing) - What team are you on again? (audience laughing) - Ballsy play. - Yep, deception. - Yes, let's start with that, yes. Give me a deception check. - Carry a strip, red A in the back. (audience laughing) - All right, we're both tending to deception, let's go. - All right, let's go. - Jason, I rolled a 27. (audience cheering) - They quit? - No. (audience laughing) - If they don't, I've got lies to say. - Immediately gonna be shifty eyed looking around. - What are you talking about? I don't see anyone else besides you. - And the group with you. (audience laughing) - Correct yourself and your friends.

- Remarkably specific enemies. (audience laughing) - Would you like to see all of my allies or would you like to put down your weapons before they make big cushions of you? (audience chattering) - I'm thinking. (audience laughing) - You didn't count on this, did you? If that's what happens, then you can do it live, yeah! (audience cheering) - Better than you could dare. - Sounds like a dare. (audience laughing) - Stop. (audience laughing) - Discretion is the better part of the battle, she's right. (audience laughing) - This particular order of the scale member's name, Jonathan.

- Really? (audience laughing) - It can't all be Kendaras. - Right. - I'm sorry, something more famous is John Tholme. (audience laughing) - He's obviously like little apostrodes. - Oh, right. (audience laughing) - We'll spell it Elvin or something, I don't know. Jonathan. (audience laughing) - Do you have any idea what you're trying to achieve here today? - I am absolutely aware of what you're trying to do, which is why you're all going to die if you don't do what I said and put down your weapons. - Give me an intimidation check. - Does he get a plus for Bella standing behind him doing this?

(audience laughing) For those of you listening, I am punching my own head. - You know what, do it with advantage. (audience cheering) - I give that a neat look. (audience laughing) - 43. (audience cheering) - Jonathan, whose last name is Haynes, if that helps. - I don't know. - Okay, well, that makes it worse. - Well, okay. (audience laughing) Sometimes you're looking for a cult because you're ordinary. (audience laughing) - I don't know why it's true. - The dragon armor makes me feel like somebody. (audience laughing) - I bet he's got a sick dragon tattoo when the tats sleep all the way to his heart.

- Oh, he's got like a full chest thing going on. - Oh, yeah. - Piss his mom. (audience laughing) - Okay, I got it, Jonathan Haynes. - It's right there. - Okay, that's with a Y. - Oh. (audience laughing) - That was the best fantasy version of Haynes I could-- (audience laughing) I was doing it for myself. - Okay, well. - So, Jonathan, is going to start looking around. Now Jonathan's getting really paranoid. Like, you got some branch points coming up and like you must have some people lurking in the shadows. You must have other accomplices, someone who's gonna back you up because there are three of you.

So he's thinking, okay, well, he's gonna start looking back to his group. Guys, just start looking back. He's like, do I have backup? And he's gonna shout, read the scroll, let's get this done. And they're going to back up and get into a defensive stance. He believes you. But that's the problem. (audience laughing) - I mean, who didn't want to fight, right? (audience cheering) - Malcom says, you had your chance. Let's drop 'em. - Did anybody back up towards Kendara? You know what? Give me a flat C20 roll. Let's find out. - 17. - Yup. (audience laughing) I would say soft buttocks against blade.

Like they're really, really, they just twerped back toward you. (audience laughing) - Presented their throat after. (audience laughing) - He comes to the room from like the back end thing where he backs up to him and all of a sudden it's like, whoa! (audience laughing) Did you film it? - So you're saying this person would be surprised? - I would be saying that. - Yes, well that's great 'cause I have a note right here. It rhymes. When I hit, it's autocrypt. (audience booing) That is the shit. So, (audience laughing) I mean, I think at that point, Kid Nardo's just gonna jump into action with it.

- Go ahead. All right, do it. - That is, it's gonna be, he's got two swords, two short swords. He's just gonna go around his neck and then go. He's gonna drop it. He's not gonna go like, argh! He's gonna-- - It's one, it's a desertion strike. - It's like you're gonna go to a really nice house and they like, - And they cut you three. (audience laughing) And then they burger you. (audience laughing) - I'm glad I've never been to a nice restaurant. - That's the same house as in Detroit. (audience laughing) - I'm sorry Michigan. - That guy just plays well with Detroit by the way.

- If you miss and it's not a quick miss, you just kinda give him an awkward hug. (audience laughing) - It's a little kiss. It's a little kiss. (audience laughing) - Nice. - It freaks him out even more though. (audience laughing) Where'd that come from? - I don't know their names. Three rounds. (audience laughing) - How do I see if I did? I don't understand paper anymore. (audience laughing) - I know the virtual table. - Seriously, where do I look to see what I do? (audience laughing) - Plus 12. - Oh, right, got it. (audience laughing) 18 plus 12 would be? - 30.

(audience laughing) A lot. (audience laughing) You know what? Yeah. - You crit. - You hit. - So that's new at all? - Auto crit. - Crit. - Crit. - What's the attack damage? - Does it roll on the whole table? - Plus sneak attack damage. No. - Oh. - No. Do we do? Okay, get ready for this. This is a surprise round. If you hear something tonight that sounds a little off, those of you who are really into the rules, Theria has a lot of home brew stuff. So it sounds a little off or it sounds like a, just ride with it. Don't heckle. 'Cause as a good chance of- - An extensive and extremely elaborate critical hit table.

- Yes. And a critical fail table. So we might be seeing either one of those. - It's also possible we don't know the rules. (audience laughing) - Yeah, that's totally possible too. - Yeah. - 'Cause people screw up. - That's right. That's where you have a plus 15 of stealth to score, I believe, and a plus 10. And also I think that you can't pull under 10 for the skills or for vision well. 'Cause you're a- - Oh, the room is like, I actually had a room these characters last month and they're on level 13, so bear with us. - So now you got it. - I'm making up for it right now.

(audience laughing) What do I do to see how much damage I- (audience laughing) - Okay, you just reach into a bag and throw. (audience laughing) - That's my sneak attack. Hang on. Five, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 22, 22, 23. - You have a phone. - Okay. - I can't calculate what I'm looking at. - Then also because it's a creative, double the dice, double the additives. - Yeah. - So this plus 14. - Math. - Six plus 14. - So 20 more on top of whatever that was. (audience laughing) - Hang on. (audience laughing) Six plus 14 plus whatever that was. - Yeah, you usually play on the table top.

This is so much easier. - I don't remember 'cause I picked them all up. (audience laughing) - You stopped me. - Yes. - How would you be attacking this person? Now you're selling it. - Okay. - Hold on. I'm just telling you. - Oh. - It's as simple as, he just, like, over, and he goes, oh, so full throwback. - Oh yeah, he's dead. - Okay, great. (audience laughing) No, this is super silent. - Oh, thank you. - Super silent. And he's going to-- - Well. - The attack will be him going, (imitates explosion) (audience laughing) There's the neuro action. (audience laughing) I'm 17.

And then he's gonna go right back into hiding. Okay, shh. Okay, give me a stealth, give me another stealth roll. So you're popping out of a bush like it's Fortnite and just, whoo. (audience laughing) And you just jump back in. So if this is successful, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna batman the shit out of this guy. So you're just gonna pop out. (imitates explosion) He's gonna go full murloc. And then you're going to jump on, and by the time, now, if it's bad, then you're just gonna be awkwardly stuffed in a bush. (audience laughing) Cycling back in, there's gonna be a rose bush just, shh.

(audience laughing) - Do you have a very clear dental floss here? (audience laughing) - What is, it doesn't matter what his face and hands is still be sticking out. (audience laughing) But he goes completely still. (audience laughing) Okay, here we go. - Here we go. - The plus 10 plus 10. - Okay, here's what we're looking for, 23. - Ooh, but I can't get lower than a 10. - And we're learning a test. - So 10 plus a 10 is not 23. (audience laughing) - We have expertise in my first year at school. - Right, I don't understand that. - Okay, well I know I have a plus 10, you have plus 10.

- Are the ones circling the expertise ones? - Yep, that's why it's circle. - Okay, all the circle ones have five more points in the show. - I got 25, Jason. (audience laughing) - Ooh. (audience laughing) - Marked off. No one has their expertise marked off. - I have them marked off now. - Checking with the judges. No, no, no. - Jason, can you edit this out now? - Yeah. - Like, I can, I'll mix it out. - I like that you had a four. You rolled a four and you still managed to get a 25 somehow. - We're at level 18,000. (audience laughing) That's fine. Let me stop you right there. 25.

So, you're in a bush. (audience laughing) You know, can you read this? (audience laughing) Well, okay. This is your chance. You look pretty bad ass. Okay, gurgle, gurgle. (audience laughing) Dad. The rest of his friends are gonna go, "What?" And they're gonna see their friend land face down and a pool of blood start to kind of spill out from the neck area. And he's just gonna flinch a couple of times and then stop. - I've got my lines. - I figured you'd go. - I've got my lines. - I'm just gonna take a sip of wine. - Are we gonna do this seven more times or are we going to put those weapons down?

(audience laughing) - Bravo. (audience laughing) - I want you to give me an intimidation check. I want you to do it with advantage. Then we'll go for it. (audience laughing) - Wait for the shoot of all you guys. - I'm dying. (audience laughing) That's all I have. (audience laughing) - Visit superiorpluspropane.com for more information. At Warner's Gas, they're here for your community. As part of the Superior Plus family of energy companies, this heating season, they offer their best value ever. Sign up for their premium package. You'll receive a $275 credit and they'll donate $25 to the Feeding America Food Bank, the country's largest organization dedicated to fighting America's hungry.

Enjoy worry-free auto delivery, auto pay, and a free tank monitor while you help feed the hungry. They call it their Warm Homes Full Plates Program. Call Warners today at 607-748-2989. Visit superiorpluspropane.com for more information. - 19. - That's not bad. - Oof. (laughing) - It's not purple, it's not good. - It's not purple. (laughing) - But what is? Okay, so... Jonathan, man, I loved it. So... (laughing) That's... (laughing) - That's a piece. - Jonathan's main favorite of the show. (laughing) I didn't get Jonathan. - He did do his best. - I didn't get Jonathan, right?

- Yeah, you got Jonathan. (gasping) (laughing) So who are we talking to now? Dave. (laughing) - It's the two A's and an apostrophe. (laughing) - I think it's been Steve though. I think he's the one we should get. - Yeah, okay, well, let's... (laughing) He's in the lineup, don't worry. (laughing) Dave is gonna speak up. - Dave. - You killed my brother. (laughing) Dave is gonna launch forward towards Malchus. - Oh! - I should roll an attack. (laughing) Now Dave! It's not the best that the cult has to offer. (laughing) - That was Jonathan and you saw him. - No! (laughing) - Dave does have a plus nine to his attack.

So let's see what Dave does. Dave did a two. (laughing) So Dave's gonna charge it. - Oh, Dave picks it up a two. (laughing) - Dave's gonna go, "Ah!" And run towards Malchus, but he doesn't completely unsheathe his sword. He just kinda runs to shit and he gets really close to Malchus and it's like, "Hold on!" And he's going to, (laughing) he's gonna try, it's stuck, and it's just, it's, Dave is embarrassed. - Does he burst out of tears? (laughing) - We appreciate it. (laughing) We appreciate it. - We're overstayed, so we just heard someone yell. - Yes, okay, so, Team Sneaky Stabby, you are, are we-- - We're in a building.

- Yes, okay. - Yes. - So, you're in a building, you're in a bush, and you are listening to all of us and you're gonna hear, "You're going to-- "There!" You're going to see someone fall, you're probably gonna go, "Wow, what the hell was that?" And then you're gonna hear, "Gah!" And you're going to see Malchus do this or something and just not get hit. You realize that there's no real immediate sense of danger. The cult is very agitated and they probably will attack, but the initial strike was not real. - Okay, at this point, I guess we're behind a building and I'm going to do pass wall and make a door and a wall and just step out within burn.

- Okay, this sounds like initiative time, guys. Everyone, give it up for Roll Initiative! (audience cheers) (singing) - Yep. - Over there. - Oh. - Uh-oh, I heard a "oh." - I haven't rolled yet, I just saw a zero on my sheet. I was like, "Oh, okay." - Oh. - A nine. - Oh! (audience laughs) - What's that? - I got a four. (audience laughs) - Two twos. - You didn't do twos, that's better than a two. I liked two. (audience laughs) - Someone laughed. (audience laughs) - There's nervous laughter. - Do you want to just shove it out of here? - Can you point to us? - Yeah, give Malchus.

- Yeah, 12. It sounds like we don't have a dynamic for this point in a virtual table every time. - Yeah. - Yeah, so, yeah, 12. Jasper, what do you got? - Three. (audience gasps) - Oh, I'm gonna get you at some point. (audience laughs) Maybe not today. (audience laughs) - Some day. - Susan. - 16. - Ooh, respectable. - Yeah. - All right, all right. Ooh, ooh, ooh. Roooot. And Xavier. - I have a 20 total. - Oh, nice, okay. - Can I ask what Val is for? - I'm doing that right now. Yeah, thank you. - Thank you. - So, you can put this aside, because this is just gonna be straight combat now, guys.

Everyone, thanks, Susan, for printing out everything that you see here tonight. (audience cheers) Val says a mighty plus one to initiative. - Better than me. - 17 total, not bad. Yeah. So, while I'm rolling for the rest of these guys, I'm just gonna throw in the initiative tracker here. What's going through your heads? - I want to know who's holding this girl to restoration right now. - Ooh, that's smart. Well, the cult is split up and kind of organized. You see a couple of archers. You're gonna see really heavily armored dudes. They're champions. And then you're gonna see kind of a mixture of folks.

One of them, Jonathan. - Dave. - So, you don't have to worry about him. And we're just gonna have Dave in last, 'cause, jeez. - But who is the scroll? - Yeah. - Kevin. Kevin is clutching the scroll for dear life. He's like, oh, shit. Like he's going to start, he's going to start trying, I'm gonna put him in as Kevin. He's gonna start on his turn trying to whip this out. - At the moment we're just giving them modern names. Next time you just want to ask someone in the audience for their name and just like, share it. - They're gonna end up dead, bro. (audience laughing) - Me too.

- Do it. - Well. - That was like a threat to the audience. - No. (audience laughing) - I mean, I hope not. - You could be part of the DNR podcast, very briefly. (audience laughing) - Hell, we're being held captive. (audience laughing) - In a hostage situation. (audience laughing) - Is anyone named Kevin in the audience? Oh, do we have a Kevin? Oh, I just wanna know what Kevin is. (audience laughing) So we're just gonna get rid of, oh, Jonathan. So Jonathan's gone. They didn't roll too well, guys. I'm gonna be honest. We're gonna start at the top. So I'm gonna place your minis on this little battle mat here and you're gonna have to kind of angle to see.

We don't really have a central location. Let's say Kendara is right behind this jit here. - Not for long. - Guy in the center. Kevin. - Okay. - Scroll. - Yep. - Okay. You were on team Sneaky Staggy. - I was on team Malchus. - Yes, that's right. Okay, so you're gonna be over here with Malchus. Erelo and Ember are going to be on their flanks. So you have surrounded these guys. This is not a great start for the cult. We're gonna see if it gets better for them over time. Every Erelo over there, Malchus, Valis and... - Mr. King. - Yep, Edmund right over there. So we got Kendara up.

You are directly behind one of these guys. Give me a name. - James. - Remy. - Raison. - Harthay. - You. - Satin. - Bob. - Satin. - We're on the satin. (audience cheering) They're an equal opportunity. Everyone can join the cult. Like they... (audience laughing) It's not all guys. They sound amazing actually. This has been great. - Yeah, we're in an elusive evil cult. - They have a nice dental plan. Like they're... (audience laughing) I don't have dental, but... - I think I spent a good long time. - Huh? - It's the worst fun guys having a fun time. - Yeah. - It's awesome.

- Who doesn't like dragons? - I don't know. - Well, yeah. - I'm not a huge fan. - Kendara. - What do you wanna do? - Well, I think you know what I wanna do. - Yes. - That's exactly what I did last time. He's gonna go around in a circle and hopefully do it so fast that it just keeps dropping. Let's just do one at a time. (audience laughing) First, he's gonna do exactly the same thing. - Shh. - Okay. - To be boring. - Okay. Let's go. - Let's do it. That's an 11 plus something plus 12. That would be... - 23. - 23, thinking. - 23. (audience laughing) - So 23. - Did I? - Yeah.

(audience laughing) - That's two. (audience laughing) Plus... - Uh-huh. - I should have gotten the numbers instead of the pips. Five, nine, 10. - Let's see the numbers. - We're learning math. - 21. - 21. - 21. - Plus two. - So 22. - Plus two. - Plus two. - 23. - Plus seven for your short story. - Yep. - Yeah. - That's like 80. (audience laughing) - It's a 30. - It's a 30. (audience laughing) - Well, we'll go with 30. - We should have done where we just sit right here. (audience laughing) - Running up and down the tables. No. (audience laughing) - Satin. - Um. (audience laughing) - Satin.

(audience laughing) - Satin's down. Satin's down. Sorry. I was rooting for you. - I'll use the scroll on you. (audience laughing) - So that's two cult members down. That's a pretty, that's a pretty great start. You gotta be feeling pretty confident, right? Speak up. - I mean, Mal is makes eye contact with, which one's the bumbly, leery one now? - Dave. - That's Dave. - That's Dave. - Six to go. (audience laughing) - Pause hates you, but it's like, that's a good one. (audience laughing) - I wonder if we should have turned. (audience laughing) - We're very deadly at this level.

It's the real deal. - Right, okay. So is that wrapping up Kindora's turn? You wanna try to, you wanna try and run around? What do you wanna do? - Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm going to, yeah, I'm gonna run around and just try to get behind the next person. - Okay. - That's it. I'm gonna go around like a clock. - We are drawing a lot of attention at this point, so that, the stealth check's gonna go a little bit. Okay, let's go. (audience laughing) - John Cena? - What? Oh no, no. (audience laughing) - 25. - Let's go. - 25. - 25. Because, okay. - No, I know, I know, I made a face.

I know, it's fine. - 25. (audience laughing) - Oh no, I was just saying, they're looking at MALCUS for the most part. They're gonna hear gurgle, gurgle, and it's like, oh God. They're getting, you ever played like Arkham Asylum or something like that? As you eliminate that, yeah, their heart rate sounds like, oh shit, they're really starting to get on a swivel here. - Can I do something clear to you though? You can't roll lower than 25. (audience laughing) - It's 10, and it is a modifier of 15. - Well, here's the thing, I can only give you a DC. I'm not sure, I mean, it's just that's what it would be.

- I'm just saying, he gets 25 on a bad day. (audience laughing) - He could crit fail. - Just stop, I'm nervous. - Okay, so the one that cures the one that hurts. - It's not a one, Jason. (audience laughing) - It's a two. - Would you like to move down the line? - Yes, I would, in the conveyor belt of murder. (audience laughing) I would like to go, I think the most important thing is I'm gonna be going counterclockwise. - Oh, okay. - It's very expressive. - Boom, there we go, okay. Next up, Mr. Page. - Oh, all right, I will use this movement of confusion and panic to just sneak right into Kevin's face.

I can move up to 10 squares with my 50 foot movements. - Okay. - I think I can count up to 10 in Kevin's face. - Yep, Kevin's holding the troll, right? - Yep, Kevin is, for now. - Mr. Page will say, "I'm sorry, Kevin," and he will-- (audience laughing) - How do you know Kevin? - Oh, it's a long story. (audience laughing) He's one of the more friends I could care about. - I just don't know him. This is actually closure for a major arc. He's finally coming back. - Listen to all 200 episodes. You'll get a payoff right now. (audience laughing) So as he runs again, this tube of cloth is just hovering over him very slowly.

And as soon as he strikes, he strikes a pose, very cool blow on the ground pose, and the whole thing opens up, and you just open palm strike in the chest, and you'll try two stun. - Okay, let's see what you got. - 14. - Plus 10. - 24. - Yes. (audience laughing) - We got that one. (audience laughing) - We can do all the plus 10, Spire. (audience laughing) Thank you. (audience laughing) We love you. - I remember that great. - She went all the way back up to our room to grab our computer. - She did. - We really appreciate her. - Everyone's not mocking Valerie. (audience laughing) - We'll see you guys.

(audience laughing) - Well then stick up for yourself. Stop letting us bully you. (audience laughing) - All right, does that hit? - Yeah. - All right, that will be four plus five. That's nine bludgeoning damage, and I will spend one key point. Please roll a constitution saving throw against 16 to see if you're stunned or not. - Oh, golly gosh. - Yeah, I keep losing that, and it's right in there. - That's for a go. - That's wonderful. (audience laughing) - You said constitution. - Yes. - All right. - Shit. (audience laughing) - Four? Four would do it, right? - Yes.

- Really? - No. (audience laughing) - So he's stunned. - What happens to this girl in his hands? - There could be a dodge in the title. (audience laughing) - I'll try to dislodge it. - Okay. (audience laughing) On your next turn. - I get two attacks though. - Oh! - I'll strike him again. - Okay. - Just for funsies. - I'll try to knock him out. - Yeah, you know. - Well, I still damage. - Right, yeah, go! - 17 plus 10, 27. - Oh. (audience laughing) - And that will be eight damage. - Okay, so let me mark that. - Boop boop. - Okay, so yeah, he's going to take this blow and just kind of hold the scroll out like this, and kind of shake, like stunned, it's not like, his central nervous system is shutting down.

- Your central nervous system? - Yeah. - I will take a bonus action though to dodge it. - Oh, okay. - 'Cause you're in the thick of it. - Yes. - Smart. - Here's another key point. - Thank you. - Okay, we got Valis. So, Valis has a ridiculous weapon. (audience cheering) And Valis hasn't used it in a very long time. - Yes, daddy, yes. - So he's going to- - He's a father who has children who love him. - Yeah. - Find her? - For now. (audience laughing) I live with her, this is going to be bad. I just want you guys to know. So, he's going to unfurl this length of chain, it's on 15 feet of chain, and attached to that is a loaded bear trap.

(audience laughing) It is a stupidly cumbersome weapon, but man, is it really terrifying to see someone just whipping it above their head. And he is going to move. - The Kettenhund. - The Kettenhund is what it's called, which in German roughly translates to chain dog. - It's a tank drops in Mario, right? - Yeah, that's exactly what it is, yeah. And he is going to target one of these archers up front, and he is going to whip out the Kettenhund here, and he's gonna give it a shot, let's see. - I'm gonna do it thankfully real quick. - What are you gonna do for me?

(audience laughing) That actually makes sense. (audience laughing) - That's some high efficiency arrangement. - Yeah, wowza, all right. So, he's got a plus six to Kettenhund, let's go. 19, almost a crit. He is going to. This ridiculously cumbersome weapon, he is going to whip it around in his head, and he is going to throw it 15 feet at this archer. It is going to clamp down on his shoulders. That cool looking pauldron is going to take the brunt of this but those teeth are going to sink in, and he is going to start trying to pull back on this guy to get him face to face.

- Jason? - Yes? - Is Valis not a champion? - Uh, he is? Oh, that's a crit! - Oh! - Wow! (audience cheering) - Well, this is gonna get ugly, okay. (audience laughing) So what we do is on the show, if someone rolls a crit, we roll a D6. On a one or two, you just do the extra damage. Don't worry about it. On a three or higher, we roll the crit table. So let's say, that's a four. (audience cheering) - We've got three live face to face events, we need a crit wheel that we can go in. (audience laughing) - Beautiful. - Let me just, Susan. Susan took all these notes and correlated everything and there's a table of contents?

She, man, we're just, thank you. (audience laughing) So rude. - So I'm going to vibrate. (audience laughing) - I mean, you will, not your character. - But I mean, I still have Susan. - No, no, no, no, no. (audience laughing) - I've been getting warnings. Oh, okay, she's gonna hit me. - She got the three and now she's doing four. - How many strikes there are is the thing. She just keeps counting. (audience laughing) - Oh, is that what it is? Is it? (audience laughing) - I'm gonna roll the crit table now. (audience laughing) That is nine unreliable armor. The target's AC is reduced by two for the remainder of the encounter if the target has no armor.

You and all allies have a plus two to attack for the remainder of the encounter so he's just gonna take a negative two to his AC. That's pretty standard, honestly. That's not crazy, fuck. (audience laughing) That's it, yeah, that's good. - That is the dragon world. - Yeah, let's roll that back. Okay, so negative two to the AC. Let's do damage, Kettenhund. Oh, this is dumb. Okay, let's go. Okay, so nine damage in total and he is going to take the raider's attacks to start pulling back. So this archer is going to be right there face to face with Alice. That is gonna be the end of his turn and let's move on.

Erla, you are up. - Okay. Who's holding the scroll? Kettenhund? - Kettenhund. - Kettenhund, okay. So behind Kettenhund, a skeletal hand is gonna reach up from the ground. It's ghostly and it's going to reach into him. We'll see what happens. - Where into him? - We'll see what happens. - 18. - That's an 18 against... - Stop drilling, you hit oil. - Okay. It's gonna reach into his chest and pull out Light Force. - That's totally screwed up, man. - It's gonna do three, eight damage. - Whoa. - Very nice. - That's a level one. - Yeah. - Erla got dark. - Yeah. - So, okay. - 10, seven.

- No, I don't get it. - Seven. - No, I don't have post in on that. - Seven damage. - Okay, seven damage. We're gonna mark that down. - It's Erla, like, does she have a lot of eyeliner on and is she listening to some Hawthorne Heights and... - Is she posting a lot of song lyrics on her Facebook? That's you. - She's 40, so I hope she's not. - It's never too late for a phase. - It's never too late for a phase. - Kevin's in a bad way. Kevin's just, he was just trying to live life and he's feeling very attacked right now, so... - I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. - It's okay, you're watching me, Kev.

He's feeling a little bit like he's feeling. - I know. - Oh, I'm sure you think it's me, guys. - Is that all Erla wants to know? - She's gonna move away. Okay, so you want to, where would you like to move? Either you're just gonna take the mini and go, "Oh, I'm talking about her." I did what I wanted to do. MALCAS! - Okay, so MALCAS was gonna do his, like, armor of Agathys thing, his tip or a hip, which is armor class is invisible, but these guys are bad at their job. So he's not gonna do that. He's just gonna kill him, right? Like, so I'm having trouble seeing them.

Is there an area where there are, like, three or more of them in the same 10-foot radius? You don't know how with that? - Uh, yeah, totally. - Okay, I'm gonna just give him a flame strike. - Okay. - Do you want to hit Kevin? - Uh... - Everyone gets a chance, apparently. [laughter] - Can you-- - Can I point out that Kevin is holding something very precious that we might not want to set on fire? - Well, yeah, yeah. - Okay. - So do you have a non-Kevin trio that I can hit? - Yeah, sure. - Sure, sure. - All right, I'm on the other side of him. - Okay, so, um, that's... ♪ And the indy scope cards ♪ - Thank you. [laughter] - Pure. [applause] - Uh, we'll do a saving throw against a big old...

Shh. ♪ Eight plus math ♪ - Eight plus math. [laughter] - Valerie? - At the 27? [laughter] - I want to say it's an 18, right? It's proficiency and ability score. - Yeah, it should be at the top of your sheet. - Oh, it's ability, okay. Dexterity saved DC 18 from those gentlemen. You're probably-- You're gonna have a rough time getting that, aren't they? - Well, they're so armored. [laughter] - That's not my buckle. - They just look so cool. [laughter] - I mean, it comes at a price, but thank you so much. - Making sure everyone's hydrated. [laughter] [applause] - Sit down.

This is a tough mark. [laughter] - Thank you. D20 plus two. Well, well... - Did they eat dry individually, or is that just-- - They ate dry individually. - Okay, give 'em a count. - Okay, a seven, a one. A nope. [laughter] - A blur of radiant fire rains down from the heavens. Immo-- - Immo-ing? - I just still have a problem. - Immo-ing? [laughter] - Burnies. [laughter] - Burnies. - Lots of apples. - The red ones are the fire. - Green to fire. - The green ones are radiant. [gasping] - You color-coded your dice? - I did. [laughter] - That's a lot of real life numbers, guys. [laughter] - There's not any much of a cold left, is there? [laughter] - 21 fire damage. 15 radiant damage. [gasping] - 36. [laughter] - 36. [laughter] - When it gets that high, we just say a lot.

Like, we just-- No, okay, so... Golly gosh, okay, well, what we're gonna do, they're going to just-- How would you describe this hitting them? It's just raining from the sky, so they're just like, "Oh, God!" Like, they're just trying to shield their faces, like, not in the face? - Oh, no, he's God. - Right. [laughter] - It's like fire, but also violet light interspersed. - 'Cause fire wasn't enough. [laughter] - They're like, "Oh, it's dry." - Isn't that right? [laughter] - No, if it came from the dragon, they'd be like, "That's the dragon's will." - But what if they're not vampires?

- You're just a tiefling dude, so-- - You're a dragon. - Here's the thing. This is not going well for them so far. That didn't kill them, but man, they are not looking good. Like, they're singed, their armor is just blasted, and they managed to get shields up just in time to not have it collide with their skull, but they're really getting mad. - It's the kind of damage that makes you rethink cult membership. [laughter] It tests your faith. [laughter] - I mean, it's easy when you're just sitting in the clubhouse. - What if they wanted to make a cult to me?

I'm not really cool with this point. [laughter] - Could you at least, like, get down on all fours and straight down and go, "Grrr," like something? Like, something they could get behind? - Something dragon-like. - Don't know if you want to be off. - They're gonna dodge you, so that's fine. - I'd also like to point out for anyone who hasn't seen the show, when we were joking about his ego earlier, he literally just was like, "Can I have a cult?" [laughter] - Can I be God? - Very defies. - Why don't I have a cult? - Very defies. - I'm just picturing an armor with, like, a big, like, Malchus face poltergeist, you know? [laughter] - It's just like-- - No, that makes it look so weird.

So the Malchus face is like, "Ahh," like, just like, sliding down on their shoulders. - I think they have very long capes. - Yeah. - Are you? - Absolutely, yeah. [laughter] - Of course they have capes. - It's black on one side, purple on the other. - Yeah, on the interior. - On the interior, velvet. - Okay. - Yay. - Can you tell me why we call me the Velourfah? [laughter] - So, is any of them gonna attack us at some point? - I hope so. [laughter] - He likes when they have an initiative somewhere to be. [laughter] - I think I'm the last, but, like, everyone goes before him.

- I-- well, okay. I started scrolling, and their names do come up. - I checked. - They're in the problem. - Let's go. [laughter] - Thales would have some feelings about Eorlof's new necromancy path. What would Malthus feel about that? Like, Malthus probably caught the skeletal reach around. [laughter] - Go ahead, tell me more about my sister's skeletal recharge. [laughter] - I'll cut seven damage. [laughter] - You're all very impressive. [laughter] - No one had to talk with her, it's just-- She's figuring it out, and it's real slow. [laughter] - Oh my god.

- I mean, I can tell because it's like, well, that's-- that's a different copy for you. It's also like, maybe I'll talk to you about it after we get back the thing that keeps a dragon from doing stuff. [laughter] - Some bigger fish to fry. - Yeah! - Okay. [laughter] - You'll just tuck that away, it's on the back burner. [laughter] - Yeah. - Guess what? The order gets to attack now. [cheering] - Why are you cheering for that? That's the bad guy! [laughter] - Well, you did take the dodge action. - We're being slaughtered. - Well, yeah, I know. Oh, you're for the dragons.

- Well, we're part of the cult. [laughter] - Oh, I saw the cult. Oh, I saw a few of you. You can't all be the-- - You're all here. - Don't listen to him. Don't listen to him. - You're all part of the cult. We're killing-- [laughter] - My last one of you, we-- - Welcome to Dungeons & Randomness. - You have our reading material on your seats. [laughter] - But they have the dental. - Man, wouldn't that be great to have dental? [laughter] - This is me and Bree's job. There's no dental. - Um... Well, this can't go much worse, so let's see if they can attack. - All right.

Here we go. - They're called-- just-- I want to paint a picture, right? [laughter] - I feel like that's what we've been doing for an hour. [laughter] - I feel like that's the whole point. - In reality, we've had a couple guys reduced to a fine paste by Mr. Scissorhands here. [laughter] We had a dude stunned to paralysis by a punch. We've had my sister's skeleton rejoke. [laughter] - Stop! - I want to see that Lifetime movie. [laughter] - And that's a radiant fire ring from the head. Now put yourself in the shoes of a young cultist. [laughter] - No, Bob.

- Kevin? - Kevin, if you will. And ask yourself, "Do you want to attack, or do I want to see tomorrow?" [laughter] - Are you feeling lucky for me? [laughter] - I mean, if you're on the steam series, they're going for it. I'll just assume that somewhere in their back story is a justification. - Well, here's the thing. - Okay. - Yeah, this isn't looking great. - Yep. - And when they had dinner tonight, they probably thought this was going to go better. It's like, "Yeah, that's great! Where's that dragon?" - It was like, it was like bonfire at 8 PM, the dragon resurrected by 11.

- Right? - Yeah. - Lost my home or something. I don't know what they're thinking, but wasn't this... - Yeah. Is it all we got? - It's, I mean, okay, two things. One, you just lost Jonathan. [laughter] And second... - Okay, yeah. - We'll be missed. - Those guys were catering. [laughter] - Dinner just got sadder. And Kevin's clutching the only thing that could maybe turn the tide in their favor because they think, "Well, the dragon's going to be on our side." - Yeah. - And clearly, as soon as we explain ourselves to the dragon... - Oh. - Yeah, we got this. - So this is all they got?

- Well, they're standing next to the bones of Strahd and all that stuff, so it... They're probably thinking, "Okay, if we could just break away, if we could just get Kevin to stop getting punched, [laughter] then maybe we got shot." - Okay, pretty much. - Okay, all right. That being said, they don't have too much fight left in them, are they? [laughter] Your faith can only take you so far. Um, so let's do a thing. Okay. - Mr. Page? - Yes. I would think that Kevin's friend, is the Loomi Mix. [laughter] - This one was made. - I have to write all that down. - Shaboomafoo?

- Shaboomafoo. [laughter] - I put my hand up. - Shaboomafoo once. - What? - For real. - What? - Run with us? - I put my hand up. - Shaboomafoo once. - What? - Shaboomafoo once. - Like you said, head first. - What are you doing? - It's a puppet, right? - A puppet, yeah. - I'm in my thirties, I didn't really know what a Shaboomafoo was. - It's amazing. - Some people... - I love it so much. - We learned about it. - Valerie would know about this. - Anyway, what happened? [laughter] - I thought you were taking us on a journey, but okay. - There's no way. - So, Shaboomafoo is going to try and attack Mr.

Page. - In melee. - In melee. - Alright. - What? - I support him. [laughter] - Sure, go ahead. - Sure. - I can't crack my fingers, I don't know why I tried. - Plus five to hit, that's a ten. 15. - Well, it's with disadvantage because of the dodge. - Oh, that's true. So, this is probably going to be a don't crit miss. He rolled higher, so 15. - Okay, that's a miss, I got 18 AC. - Well, that was embarrassing. - I will use my reaction. And use part of my Drunken style. Redirect attack. When a creature misses you with a melee attack roll, you can spend one key point as a reaction to cause that attack to hit one creature of your choice, but then the attacker, you can see with five feet of you.

So he's going to Drunken. [laughter] [applause] - Don't be listening to the audio only on this, you are missing some killer pants. - Alright, he just earned you. - Yes, he did. That's a reference to the show. Payback from four years ago. - From someone who isn't you. - Oh, Kevin. Well, let's roll damage on Kevin. Alright. So that is a great sword attack. 2d6. Oh, wow. Okay, so that's seven to Kevin. - I'm not on a t-shirt. - That's right, there was skeletal reach around, we're going to sell a lot of those. - I already got orders on the fish. - I don't know what artwork we can get away with.

- Can we get like two skeleton hands? Just like that? - That's what most people think of when they think of the future. - I know, but it's a shirt. Can we get pants? - You know what most people think about? - Maybe it could be coming up from the shirt. - Oh, yeah. - We're workshopping now. Let's just... - I mean, if we can get into the pants business, I have another idea. - Okay. Save it for the after party. - Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. - Kevin's going to drop the scroll. Kevin's just going to go "huh" and get hit in the face by like just... just cut. Like he's going to... he's going to take a bit of slashing damage here and it's just going to get cut in the face.

He's going to start bleeding, but he can't do anything about it. Stun. - Sorry, Kevin. - It's rough. So, Kevin's going to drop the scroll directly in front of him. Problem is, Archer's up next. Now, hmm. That's a problem because obviously the scroll is integral to their plan. I'm scared to attack Edmund again, but we got him, right? Yes, got him. So... - Does it happen to be the Archer who's currently like outnumbered by a paragraph? - Oh, is that the one? This is the other Archer. - I know. - The first Archer is a little fizzy going "ahhh!" - It's like an angry parrot.

It's just... Who uses that? It's like shock and pain. It's terrible. I need a name for Archer number one with bear trap. That was too many names. - Kyle. Kyle. I like Kyle. We're going with Kyle. Don't get attacked. - Kyle's already attached. - Oh, nice. - It took some do something for him. - Well, that's a five. That's probably not good enough. Well, I can roll to see if he crit ones. That's a four. - That's a good two. - Yeah, that's fine. We'll just use both. So nothing. Are you shitting me? - No, I'm just dodging. - Oh, you're just dodging. Okay. I thought you were taking the arrow and guiding it towards Kevin.

- If I hadn't used my reaction on Kevin... - Oh, you're right. - I'm actually... - It's like the arrow. - Kevin dropped the scroll. Just stop hitting me. - I like to think that he dropped the scroll because of the betrayal of my friend. - Right. - Zaboom-boom. - Two zaboom-boom-boom. - I think we can legally get away with that shirt. - Absolutely not. - Are we in trouble with something like PBS? What was that? PBS? - Yeah, there was a... - Oh, we don't want to fathom the legal team of the public broadcast system. - They're brought to you by viewers like you. - So let's...

- I'm going. Tonight is not going like I thought it would. So, you know what? - We were older too, but they rolled at 19. - I know! - Do you know what I need? - I need one of you. - Oh, okay. Hands up. You, please come up here. Please come up. - What is your name? - Abby. - Abby. So... - No pressure. - Don't hit me. I love you all. - I love you. - Oh, we're using that. No ominous. - Okay, so here's what we're going to do. - There's a dragon out there. - Now, it's been explained on the show why that dragon left Odysseus. - It's not been explained why the dragon might come back.

That's on you, Abby. - The lower you roll this die, the higher the chances the dragon is going to plop down on the middle of that. - And I might have a mini right now. - It's not very mini. - You might have a mini, guys. - You might have a mini. I recently discovered miniature painting and I love it. - Here's what I'd like you to do. I want you to take this D20 and you hold the fate of the party. - Sixteen! - Sixteen! - So that's just for us, right? - Yeah, that's good for you. - For me? - He's going to get caught in traffic. - I'm trying to get into the toilet.

- It's Dragon Con in Atlanta. There's a parade. I can't get anywhere. - The bus was packed today, guys. - Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to give you one more chance to just deliver... just deliver... - Give us a one-liner, Rob. I know that that's not your strong suit. I'm really putting you on the spot. - I don't know. I'm a little shy right now. - I know. It's a lot of pressure. - What would you say to these cult members who... their lives are falling apart. They're looking, it's like, "And then a dragon!" - What would you say to these people? - Where's your name?

- Crazy. - I'm going to get some body to their home. - It's me, Malchus! - You heard the problem? - Yes. - I'm going to blow your mind here. I had it buffed that far ahead. - So you just had the ballsy starter? You didn't think this would succeed? - No, I just thought we were going to kill them the rest of the way dead. - That's the thing. The fight can continue. Maybe they're a second half team. Like, maybe they're going to come back and just blow your minds. - They'd have done that before it got this bad for them. - Well, they just got a turn. - Can I use this for one down please?

- Bloom. - Never gets old. - Yeah, sure. That's what happens. - I have a good one I found of this. - No, it'd be too great. Hand it over. - So Malchus gets less comfortable with the pattern you're doing. - He's fighting. He's employing a task. - So, give me a second guys. - So you give me a second. - How many games did I sit on a cart doing nothing but looking at the rain and thinking of one-liners? - Okay, but now I'm thinking, like, life has changed. Activities have been happening around me. - Your sister's been giving reach arounds. - It's very reach around.

- So I just, like, Malchus, you can't do the trick every time, Jason. - Hey, performance anxiety. Haven't seen the best of us. - Just hit ice to beat you to the side. - It's a cold day in hell. - Anything from Batman and Robin will do. - You know what? Maybe we could outsource this to a lovely... Who has a one-liner for Malchus? - I deliver your one-liner. Provided in 2013. Don't be crazy. - You! Ma'am. - Yimmy. - The mic? Oh! I thought you just wanted my job. - She's been sitting here for two hours like, "I can do this all day." You call that a cult? - It's your life, it's your life.

I will get it. - Okay, yeah, first of all, thank you. Appreciate it. - Thank you. - I was a little signy. It's like... gay. - I mean, it's on the ground. - I mean, can I just like roll check? I don't have to give you, but I can feel intimidated by it. - Yeah, okay, fine. Let's go. - Plus ten. - Don't they give me... I mean, they do it. - Twenty-three. That's solid. - I didn't say it wasn't. Don't get defensive of yourself. - Imagine Morabi, which is generally higher than that. - It had a tough game. Kevin's still paralyzed, so he's not... - Subhumafu is going to relent.

- Subhumafu is going to go, "Just don't hurt Kevin!" - They're very close. They like each other. - Sure, it's a fraternity. - It's a close-knit cult. - Yeah, here's the thing. Subhumafu is going to try and appeal to your reason. - About dragons? - I mean, it's kind of a big thing. - Can't you see what we're trying to do here? We're trying to right it wrong. - These are majestic, beautiful creatures. Just can't you let it live? - Subhumafu's emotional. - No. - I mean, as rebuttals go, it's straight to the point. - Subhumafu will cry, Kevin. - Nice. - Are you like snickering in a mush?

- Well, he's crying. We should kill him, right? - Strong feelings from the audience. - For the rest of my initiative, I was going to walk up, pick the scroll up, and slap him. - Wait, is it going to be like in Kill Bill? It's like, "Don't fuck with Yakuza!" - I was just assuming a single decisive slap. - Here's the thing. The cultist does not have much fight left in them. This is not going the way that they thought. They wanted to resurrect this dragon, and now they're trying to appeal to your reason. - Yeah, they may or may not have a mini. - They may or...

- Sorry. - They may or may not have a mini. And they're just like, "Hey, we just want to make a strong with his mate." Can't you see that? Why don't they deserve a chance to be happy? - Okay, well, that's not my initiative, so I can't do anything about that. But when it comes around, you just slap this. - I want to know what Amber thinks about her. Amber's next in the initiative. Can't you just let them be happy? - Oh, no! You remember how she was like steaming in the cart this entire... literally, probably, because it's rainy and she's tiefling? - That's racist.

- We run bots this time. - We run bots! - We run like Jason's. Our neighborhood home is so cold in that hallway. - It's Atlanta! - It's so cold. You keep it so cold. Anyway. So, um... - Ice to meet you. - So, Amber. Thank you. She's very busty. I didn't know that when I made it. - Oh, now you're talking about Susan! - That is inappropriate! - I tell her that privately. I'm lazy. - I don't feel like she's the right person to go to for sympathy or mercy in this situation. - Why? - You did your pamphlets, if any of you have read the playbill. - We could do it here all morning.

- So, Amber is a paladin of Kord. And the paladins of Kord are the ones who originally went out to kill Strahd in the first place. - And almost none of them made it back. Including Amber's lover. - So, she's not a huge fan. They found the wedding ring he was going to propose with later when they were cleaning out his things. - He hadn't had a chance. So she's going to go ahead and approach Zaboomafoo. - By "approach" you mean "charge." - Then perish. - Zaboomafoo is emotional. We went over this. Zaboomafoo is... why did we name it that? - I believe his name is like...

- It's Zimimimix. I haven't read it yet. - Because I was being a cheeky tit and I thought that would be funny. And it quickly spiraled out of control. - Because too many people watched PBS when they were six and now they're three. - Well, Zaboomafoo has his back up, Bill Nye. And we're going to... - And we spoon! - So, what was it for, dear? - Amber's going to cast Branding's Fight. - Oh! We're just going to... - Which is a bonus action on herself. And she is going to stab him with her longsword. - So, Zaboomafoo... I want to pay attention... - I imagine he is facing Malchus right now, so she's coming in right behind him and just...

- Okay, so you did come in with Team Sneaky Stabbing. - Yes. I'm on the other side of Malchus. - Yes, you are like it. So, Zaboomafoo is bleeding with Malchus. Just tears in his eyes. - Can't you see what we're trying to do? Just... - Just the docile's out. - Yeah! Let's do it! Attack with advantage. - Look. The turnover. - Don't try it. - It's the order of the turns that ruined this, not me. - Alright, so this is a plus seven. I mean, sorry, plus nine to hit. - Oh, if you roll a one. - Before this spell ends, I can't roll. Well, if I rolled two ones, yes, I could.

Thank you. - That's not gonna happen. - Alright. - I gain 16 plus seven. - Yeah, that'll do it. - Sorry, 16 plus nine. - 16 plus nine. - 25. - You will strike Zaboomafoo. - So, yes, I got 2d6 radiant damage from my Brandi's Smite, another 1d8 plus four for the Longsword, and another 1d8 because I am a paladin with improved device smites. And I'm gonna go ahead and use one of my spell slots for my first device smite, which gives me another d8. She's not a child. (applause) - Yeah. - I think it falls under Tony Salsom. - I just saw a cascade of dice. Just... - No kill.

- Wow. - 26. - Killable. - 30 damage. - 30? I appreciate the Buffy the Vampire, translated the movie reference. I love pole roomings. How much? - 30. - Dick. (applause) - I'm sorry, Zaboomafoo. You're a very cute lemur. - This? - I don't know. - Yeah, Brintelle Lemur. - Yeah. - Cool. - I was right. He's a lemur. - How do you stab Zaboomafoo? - I'm a lemur. - Is this just a run through type of thing? - Here's, I'm gonna do a painting with words. - Oh, excellent. Love it. - So he is sobbing to Malkia's like, you don't understand. This dragon that you know people died to make sure die needs to live.

And he's crying. Amber's just gonna walk slowly behind him and her sword is going to start to glow red with the branding smite and she is just going to slip it right beneath his armor right in his gut and go straight up. And then she's gonna pull it out and he's gonna fall to the ground and she's gonna look Malkia's in the eyes as she picks up the scroll. (applause) - Now, here's a renegade paragon thing for you guys to mull over. - That's a Mass Effect reference. - Oh, okay. I didn't know what happened. Jasper, I was explaining to Jasper. - Yeah, I didn't, don't even, I understood one of those words.

(laughter) - So, with that, the cult is going to surrender. You have the scroll. They are not going to succeed today. What do you do with it? - I want to die off Kevin's hands while he's still paralyzed. - I almost threw the table over. (laughter) - But yeah, the fight's over so Mr. Page is just gonna like dust himself off and it's like, alright, let's find these people and bring them back as to Mr. Wolf. - Yeah, I mean, they throw their weapons down. Probably like the last time you had the carton make him walk in whatever weather, but he's no killer. - I deal Kevin.

(applause) - The house doesn't get to hit things too often and he's going to be gripping this guy by the throat and just ready to run him through. It's like, but I got one. (laughter) - I got it. - You see the size of him? He's great. - What would you and wife say? - He has to go home and wrestle with two kids and pretend they're taking him down. He's just like, let me kill one guy. (laughter) - She doesn't have to know. (laughter) - Malek is just so in the air a lot, he's like... - Scammery time! (laughter) - Valis. - I'm waiting to see what Airlove says. - Put him down.

- No, I'd kill him or like let him go? - No. (laughter) - What was revealed? - It was a Roman Emperor. - Right, you're right. - Set him down. - Wait, drop it. (laughter) - Fine, like just drop. - Does he unhook the bear trap? - I don't know what you put, honestly. - Don't kill him, but you can't cheat though. (laughter) - I... - If you're gonna tie him up, probably. Like he'll take the bear trap off and then just make an oozing wound there of several metal teeth like going into skin, biting down on armor. Probably gonna be able to kill him. - Alright, okay. - What about Ember?

- What about, uh, what about Kandar? - Would you be so merciful? - I feel like Ember is going to look at the sprawl and then just go, "EMBER is going to look at the sprawl and then look to the dragon and then just kind of nod like, "Bye." But still very tense. Like one of them fucking smack talks are on the way home. - I think it's time to trash talk to him. (laughter) - We would have won if we had cool fantasy names. (laughter) - Is that where I screwed up? (laughter) - I wrote "Kyle" down and it's K-A-I-L-L-E. - Thank you! - Love you, Jasper. - Aw, that was Kandar's thing, though.

- Um, so Kandar, as far as he's concerned, you know, the, the, the, everything's taken care of, right? He's not there to kill somebody that just, you know, just for killing's sake. - Right. - This was a job. So, uh, he's going to come out the bush, I guess. (laughter) - Is that what they call an anterium? - He puts his sword, he puts his swords back, he cleans them off. He puts his swords back in his sheaths. And he's going to just kind of saunter through, sort of like on his way back out. Like, "Are we done here?" And, uh, and he's going to wink at Errolove as he says, "I don't think you guys have done without me." (laughter) - Ooh.

- Fuck. - Is it possible to, like, roll your eyes so Arden springs on you? - I do. (laughter) - Errolove barely even acknowledges that, as she's looking around, because she's super paranoid. And this was way easier than bringing in people from all over the country to take care of. So she is still on edge. - I want to look in the sky, see if there's a dragon coming or not. Just in case. - Yeah, she's looking around. - I think I gave you a perception check. - Okay. - 19 plus... - 10, 10, 10, 10. - Yeah, that'd be fine. - I have triple digits, I have triple digits.

- It's a jacket. - It's not a dragon. - The city of Odysseus is gonna be so silent as you guys are lashing these guys together, binding them and getting ready to bring them back to the Malchus Mobile to trail behind four days back to the city of Esterholz. There's no dragon, there's no sign of a dragon at all in the sky anywhere. You don't know where it is, but for the first time in three years since it showed itself, it's not the city of Odysseus and a travelling beast. And I think that's a pretty good time for us to stop for the evening. We will find out what happened to that dragon and what's gonna happen to this cult on the ride back.

Thank you all so much for hanging out. (Applause) (Applause) (Applause) - Welcome to the very talented cast of "Done with the Randomness." (Applause) Obviously you can find our show wherever you get podcasts and it's almost as entertaining as this one. Thank you all so... Oh, sorry, I'm off camera. You just got my crotch? (Laughter) Did you get all of it? (Laughter) - Bring out the mini! (Laughter) - Well, okay, we don't have Jason. (Applause) This is "Loose in the World." This continues, so we will find out what happened to Luvamar at some point. I cannot thank you all enough because this is a dream come true.

I've never been able to play in front of people and you guys have been a fantastic crowd. You've been very patient, you've waited to get in here, and hardly any of you left. Thank you! (Laughter) I don't know what else to say. Do you guys have anything you want to say before we get out of here? - Thanks for giving us a shot, people who didn't know about us, for sticking with us for the story. I hope you like the story tonight and that you will go try to pick up where we left off or what came before this. - Thank you. - We're so happy to have everyone here tonight because I was trying, in fact, I asked Steve, our Wiki guy, to help me out to find an audio clip that I had a distinct memory of hearing five years ago, maybe, in the earlier mailbag episodes where one of the questions was, "Where do you see the show in X amount of years, like five, ten years?" And I remember I couldn't find the clip because it's like 800 hours of content.

I'm supposed to be working. You can't listen to bug guys. And I remember you saying, "Well, I would like one day to play a live game." And here we are. So follow your dreams, persevere. (Applause) - I guess one more thing for those of you who have never listened to us before, again, thanks for coming and giving us a shot. And if you do want to pick up our show, you can have two choices, like if you listen all the way to the beginning, but we still have an arc one, arc two dynamic, and arc two started pretty recently. So if you want to just pick up an arc two, you'll only have...

- 44 episodes. - Oh my gosh! - Well, okay, look, here's the thing. They're relatively shorter than the arc one episode, so they're floating around an hour and a half to two hours. There's also a recap just before arc two started that covers everything that happened in arc one. That is 500 hours of content broken down into two manageable hours. - And for those of you who aren't completionists who need to start at the beginning, he does recap at the beginning of every episode what's relevant to the characters that, like, now. So if you want to just jump in head first, catch up, and then start at episode one or episode 201, which is arc two, you can do that too.

I know a lot of listeners do it that way. We are really trying to sell this show to you. - Wow! - Now the real reason we're going to tell you about a time share. Everyone, stay tuned. - Thank you guys so much. It was a long panel, and I guess Esther holds safe for now. - We won! - Thank you guys. It's a little bit messy at the moment, and let's all just get drunk here or something.