One Step Forward...

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We really can't thank you guys enough for helping to support us each and every week. And we hope to see you guys there. Previously for Group B, after heading south from Durran Hollow, the group decided that it was time to try and get Braylon's memories back. But to do that, they were going to need some special herbs from a cave nearby. While spelunking through the cave, the group accidentally roused a creature they had never faced before. And that's where we pick things up today. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves.

I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Jamie. Hello, I'm Jamie. I play Tatiana, the human rogue. And Alex. Hey, I'm Alex, and I play Braylon, the halfling bard. And Ian. Hey, I'm Ian. I play Cauldron Halek, the local frosty boy. And Karen. Hi, I'm Karen. I play Callie, the elven druid. And Valerie. Hello, I'm Valerie, and I play Elena, the human fighter. And Jameson. Hi, I'm Jameson. I play Handsome Larg. All right. I want to clear the air about something very quickly. Because at the end of our last episode, I forgot a crucial thing.

And I said that you have one of the ingredients you need. And I was incorrect. You do have both ingredients. You got one of them in town. You're good. Just wanted to throw that out there so that there's no confusion. So I was right, and you were wrong. Spicy. Don't say that right now. We're spicy tonight. Karen, we're dead. We're dead, Karen. We're dead. You know, here's the thing, Karen. Yeah, you do possess both of those ingredients. You're not out of the fucking cave yet. So-- Oh, shit. Just remember who does your taxes. [LAUGHTER] The government. Oh my god. Whoa.

Oh. What is happening? Sorry, I'm in a mood, guys. Where's the Belvedere? Not nice to me. I think it's empty. That's why the mood-- Yeah. Everyone heard her threatening with financial ruin, right? Spicy Karen. I like Spicy Karen. So if I'm living on the street next year, we all know what happened. I'm sorry. No, you're-- Never mind. No, no, please say what you're going to say. No, I was just going to say I'm sorry. No, you weren't. You lying bitch. What were you going to say? I love not being the one being hated. I don't hate Karen at all. I know. I'm just not getting yelled at, and it's really refreshing.

Well, that's-- yeah. Anyway, guys. I love you. I love you too. This is a great way to start a session. OK. Yes. The Doracha. Let's start with there. Because last time on the show, you guys, you went spelunking in Elderbright Cavern, and you did find what you needed to get Braylon's memory back, at least in theory. You got to mix that up. But that's fantastic, because you got to imagine that that's going to make things easier. The problem is you got this giant spider creature with a dead limb that looks like half a drow dangling from its thorax chasing after you.

I guess-- What's the rest of it look like? Did we ever get a description of it? I picture fairly standard-- kind of a cross between a spider and a spork. Oh, a standard Doracha. Oh, god. Yeah, it's standard Doracha, you know, like you'd find in your backyard. Your average garden Doracha. Yeah, so I picture it as a cross between-- picture a very slender spider, almost, with 10 legs. And the way the legs are arranged is that it's built for these tight caverns, because each of its legs are making contact with not only the ground, but the walls and ceiling at the same time.

So it's basically meant to scutter, to scurry, and things very, very quickly down tight passages. It's basically a nightmare. I guess my question is, are you guys going to try and fight it or run? I think we said we would run. I think we said, yeah, we agreed we were running away. Because fuck it. Right, right, right. Yeah, it's been a month. I just wanted to make sure. Can I ask, are there any stalactites or anything hanging the sword of Damocles over this thing at all? You mean conveniently placed weaknesses? Yeah. A big red button anywhere. Is there like a big red barrel I can explode?

Well, funny you should mention it. This Doracha has been stockpiling TNT, just crates of it. Oh, perfect. I attack it. I'll tell you what. Let's see how the knight's going to go. Give me a flat d20. The higher the roll, the more likely that there are sharp rocks hanging above you. Something up there. OK. Fun fact while we roll that d20, TNT stands for trinitrotoluene. I learned that in chemistry the other day. I did not know that. That's been a chemistry fact, our new segment on this actual play podcast. OK, here we go. 14. So I would say-- let's say there's a single.

There's a single-- a single-- a stalactite hanging over this thing. And it is moving towards you very quickly. I would like, if it's possible, to fire a round of magic missiles at the rock formation to see if it could make it go loose and maybe like make this thing go prone or slow it down or something like that. OK. So you know what I'll do? I'll have a certain amount of hit points. And if you do enough damage to the thing, it'll fall. How's that sound? Oh, yeah. Cool. All right, so do me a favor, roll that damage. Oh, that's five. OK, so I picture it like this.

You guys see half a drow laying there, looks unconscious. You go to-- you're kind of like moving in. You grab that herb, and this thing starts flopping around. And it's a doracha, and it's coming at you. And Kaladin just fires off, boom, boom, boom, three magic missile at this stalactite. It's going to come loose and fall toward their doracha. So let's see. Let's give that a plus five. And that'll hit. Nice. So I would say, let's say that's 10 damage to the doracha. OK, so that's going to slam into this thing, and it's going to make a noise, kind of a-- and it's going to-- I'm sorry, what was that?

Yeah. Amazing. Oh. That's a-- oh, my god. Everyone at home, that's a DM right there, dude. [LAUGHTER] That's a weirdo. That's the-- we're all the best DMs of a world. It's all in context if you're on the subway making that sound. It's not very true. Not if you get that extra seat, then it's totally OK. See, that's all over my food at Chipotle, and they did not appreciate it. So this thing is going to start skittering after it catches its bearings. And everyone's running, correct? So I'm going to let everybody go past so I can be closest to it, because I wanted to try to do something real quick too, if I could.

OK. What were you trying to do? So I've got five javelins as part of my equipment. Uh-huh. What I want to try to do, once everybody's passed and I start running, I want to pull two of those javelins and kind of jam the butts of them into the rock so that they're sort of braced facing toward the doracha. OK, we're talking like old school Viking shit to ward off horsemen. Yeah, like against cavalry charges and shit like that. Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. OK, give me a strength check. OK. 17. Perfect, perfect, gorgeous. So these are in the pathway to get to you, right?

Mm-hmm. OK, sweet. So then you're running. Yeah, they're probably at like a 45 degree angle or something. After I do that, then yes, I take off running. OK, I was about to say, because now we're-- reaction time has got to kick in here. So OK, so here's what we're going to do. Oh, Jesus. So it is going to notice these. And OK, picture this cavern like a tube, like a Pringles can, right? And imagine looking into this Pringles can and there is a 10-legged creature. And all of its sharp legs are touching a surface. And it is rapidly scurrying towards the light at the end of this Pringles can.

And it is going to effortlessly just bluh bluh bluh and rotate its body and stick to the ceiling and then right back to the floor again. It is going to easily just pshh. And it is going to rapidly start following the party. I think it's time for a skill check challenge, guys. These are the best. I love these. Woo hoo. Good boy. So what this is going to do, it's going to combine the speed in which you can move through this cavern and get the hell away from this thing, your memory in all the lefts and rights you took, and your agility to avoid tripping over rocks and formations and things like that.

Does that sound fair? I have a question. Now, remembering the lefts and rights, is that us, the players? Because I do remember which way we went. No, it is not. I was going to say, Valerie, in our last session, I remember being like, OK, everyone, would you do that? And I mean, it's basically, OK, you're in an unfamiliar place. And while you did mark off, you did the smart thing. You guys were marking off, I believe you were marking off the right sides or something. It's like, OK, you did the Minecraft method, basically, which is fantastic. But now you're running from a giant spider creature, and you don't exactly have a lot of time.

You've got to make split second decisions, right, left, right, left, go, go, go, that type of thing. So what we're going to do is I'm just going to start throwing checks. Who's in the lead? Because we know Larg's in the back. Who's in the lead? I mean-- I want to see who's in the lead. Who's leading us out? I was going to say, it's probably going to have to be somebody with dark vision. So I guess Callie will be. Beautiful. OK. So are we ready to do this? Ah, yes. No. Why no? I don't know, I'm just nervous. We can do this, guys. Let's do it. Let's just go. We're amazing.

You are amazing. Here we go. So the first thing I want you to do is I want you to give me an athletics check. And for now, I'm not going to ask everybody to do that, because that's just cruel. But a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, so I will be checking with everybody eventually. But right off the bat, I think everybody instinctually is going to go, oh, big thing coming at us. Let's run. So let's start with Elena. Please, could you give me an athletics check? OK. Thank you for choosing me. Everybody at home and in this call, I do have a plus 7 to athletics.

Woof. I fucking love you. Yes, girl. We can get 8 at the lowest. So you'd really have to biff this to like-- that's great. 16 is fine. So-- I'll take it. Yeah, so I imagine it's a thing where, again, these caverns are fairly tight, but it's not claustrophobic. You have enough room that I think you guys are sometimes running 2 by 2 or something like that. You guys are taking off, right? And you're going to reach your first turn. Callie, do me a favor. Give me just a raw intelligence check. Let's see what your recall is like. Do you remember which way to go? Oh my god.

Oof. Yes, you do. Thank god. Way to go. Way to go, Callie. Now, this is the fun part. So you guys are ripping through. You know where to go. You know what to do. And you're just trying to get the hell away from this thing. And you're going to hear it. It's almost like this pinpricking sound. It's so exact-- you would expect it to be more of a stomping, but it's more like needles. [MIMICS DRILLING] You can hear it, like a sewing machine almost behind you. It is this rhythmic, steady crawling, but it is so fast behind you, so larg. Do me a favor. Give me an athletics check.

I have that one too. I do. I've got a plus 6. Oh, you got this. Hey. Oh, holy shit. That 20. Yes. Yes. That is beautiful. Can I vault over Elena? [LAUGHTER] So you guys are going to just rip through here. You are hearing it behind you, but it's not gaining on you yet. So you're going to come to your next turn. Callie, do me a favor. Give me another intelligence check. This is my worst stat, guys. I don't-- why? Oh. Oh, that's a 4. So Callie does not have time to sit here and wonder-- it's like, oh shit, where-- just left. Just going to guess, right? And just keep running.

Now, you guys have a couple of different options here, because this thing-- I'm going to have it roll. Let's see what it rolls first. Hold on a second. 22. OK. Now you're going to start hearing this thing gaining on you a bit. Again, it's like some sort of factory machinery. It is so precise and rhythmic. It's not stumbling over anything. It is just constantly crawling. Now, I'm going to give you guys-- and you can talk amongst yourselves-- I'm going to give you guys one reaction. Now, if you want to try and throw something at this thing or just something reactionary like you did when this kicked off, I'll let you guys decide amongst yourselves and give it a shot.

I would like to go first. I'm going to-- well, Brailin's going to see-- I would assume he's like in the middle or close to the front. He's going to see Callie kind of panic and do like a little juke move and then pick left. And he's going to think, oh no. She doesn't know where she's going. Kind of just like see her hesitation as opposed to the first turn, where she just looked. And he's going to say, Callie, you got this. And he's going to give her Bardic Inspiration, which at level five is now a d8 so that for the next 10 minutes-- Oh, goodness. --she can add a d8 to-- she can add it to ability check, attack roll, saving throw.

That's it. That's gorgeous. That's OK. That's very good. That's great because I'm just rolling flat d20. That's beautiful. All right. I do have-- I may propose this to the table. I do have one last jar of oil that I could throw and ask Callie to ignite or anyone, anyone with fire. I also have Erupting Earth. I figure since it's a small, narrow place, that could probably help. Not in a cave. Well, it's just-- I could throw it behind us, question mark. Wait, what are you talking about doing? Erupting Earth. OK. Now, you know that you're casting a spell. You've got to stand there and boom, throw it.

OK. Maybe not. Maybe I should do that. Up to you. Totally up to you. Isn't Erupting Earth what killed everybody in one of the other groups that Ubo did? That was Grove? Oh, they erupted a bomb. We're just erupting in a collapsible tunnel with them. Maybe I'll save that for when we get out, and then I'll just close up the entrance. I think I'll do that. If no one objects, Cauldron will reach into his pouch, pulling out his last jar of oil and tossing it behind him and call out, Kali, your flame! And then throw this oil behind him. Can I just say, too, I also have oil in flasks.

So if Tatiana can see this, I don't know, because she can't really-- she doesn't have dark vision or anything. But if she can, can I react? Well, OK. I think there's a bit of misunderstanding. I meant one reaction for the group. Not everyone gets to react. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's what I-- Never mind then. Well, now, that's the thing. I will come back, and we can totally take turns. I didn't mean forever, just-- yeah. OK, well, I don't know if the Bardic Inspiration should be first then. Well, I mean, you called it? Damn it. Sorry, guys. No, that's a great-- OK, the person leading the party needs that buff right now.

So here's what we're going to do. [LAUGHTER] Sorry for the confusion, by the way. I thought you guys-- Oh, no, no, no. No worries. Oh, I understood. I just didn't say anything, because I thought we'd just let it go. Oh, OK. So you guys took a wrong turn. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But the cool thing is these caves are just a network, a catacomb, a honeycomb of crisscrossing paths so there's a chance you guys could get right back on track. There's also a chance you could run into a dead end. What I want is eeny, meeny, miny Tatiana. So Tatiana, I want you to roll a flat d20.

Check this out. 1 through 5, it's a dead end. 16 through 20, it's going to wrap right back around and give Calli another chance. Awesome. OK, great. Wait, what happens in the middle? Well, you'll see. Oh. That's the fun. OK, sorry, everybody. Oh, that's a 7. But it's not a 1 through 5. You're right, it's not. OK, Calli, I want you to do me a favor, roll an intelligence check with disadvantage. Mm. Mm. Wow. So we're going to drop that 2 and take a 1. It was destined for us to fight this thing, I guess. I think so. So OK, you're going to round a corner and just stop dead when you realize, oh, shit, there's nowhere else to go.

We took a wrong turn. This is bad. And this thing is going to-- I would like all of you to roll initiative. There's no surprise round. No, nothing like that. This is fine. This is a hell of a way to start a groupie session. We've been out for a while. Let's fucking do it. Let's get this going. When's the last time you guys fought a thing? I just-- Every game, I don't know. Like two sessions ago, I think. Yeah? Oh, shit. That's right. No, no, no, no. When Robocop-- when Robocop flies Terminator, came in the building and went for Robocop. Oh, yeah. Which was like, I think, two sessions ago, I'm pretty sure.

OK. I was just curious. Oh, shit. Where's that fucking 15 one roll ago? That's how I felt about my 18. I could give two shits about going earlier. It's OK. It's OK. Here we go. So we're in a dead end. That's what happened? Basically, yes. Yeah. OK. More or less. I thought we rolled above a five. Yeah, but then our leader got a one. Yeah. So he turned us around and ran us back to the dead end. There's no going back. I was going to say, like, oh, he used eight. But I was like, no, that's a one. There's no-- no. Yeah, no. That was a one. I still have a seven, so I can use it during the fight.

You got, like, I would say-- what, Jason? Like eight minutes left in game time to use it, or half? What was the duration? 10 minutes. 10 minutes, yeah. Is that concentration? No. It's a-- barter concentration is just one of my class abilities. OK, sweet. Yeah, then you got-- this will last the fight. Like one way or another. If you use it, you lose it. Yeah. So just use it well. OK. OK. I'm going to put you guys on this map and get you guys ready. So Callie will be in a corner. Nobody puts Callie in a corner. Thank you. You guys do amazing. I don't show up in the combat tracker.

Why don't you show up in the combat tracker? My roll's right there. Let's put you in. What's your roll? 23. Holy shit. Yeah, let's not have you roll again. Jamie, are you a thief or assassin archetype? I don't think I chose. Impossible. At least it's not on my main page. I can't remember. Probably thief. I want to say thief. Yeah, because she has second story work, right? Or whatever it's called. Yeah, yeah. I missed it. OK, thief. Because I was thinking, if you're assassin and you're first and you hit that thing, that's crit damage. Ooh. Hold on. But you're not assassin.

So we don't have-- Sorry. Oof. OK. Well, here's what's going to happen, everybody. First, let me share this little mappy map with you. And let me share the direction with you. Oh, my god. Stop it. It looks like one of those things from the last Buffy episode we just recorded. Oh, god, it does. So it's going to be really boring at you. So get ready. So this thing is barreling down on you now. You're in a tight spot. This doesn't look too great. But I'm sure you guys got this. Let's kick things off with Tatiana. OK. So Tatiana, after sort of like probably huddling up against everyone in this corner, is going to turn around and see this doracha pull out her weapon, her short bow.

And she is actually going to try to move. I'm trying to figure out my movement. Speed 30. OK. So she is just going to move right here. And-- Love it. --and fire. OK. Oh, that was an 18. 18, yeah. It was so close. So close. But that is a 10. That's going to miss. OK. Anything else? That's it. OK. The doracha's turn. OK, here we go. It is going to skitter forward and place itself right there. So right in between Tatiana and Lard. And it's got a multi-attack because of course it does. It's got tons and tons of limbs. So what it's going to try to do, the first two times, it's going to try and stab.

So it's going to take one of its many arms here and just stab out. And it's going to start with Larg. Let's start with Larg. Stab. That's a hit. 15 damage. So that's 1d6 plus 4 piercing damage and then 1d6 poison damage. And then it's going to target Tatiana. It's going to try and stab. Oh, that is a 22. That'll hit. 13 damage. Then it's going to target Kaladin. Hello. Oh, three multi-attack. Yep. And it's going to try and bite Kaladin. 20 will hit. Wait, hold on. What? I'm going to cast shield as a reaction. OK. So as this thing tries to bite me, Kaladin throws up his arm instinctually and a big sheet of ice comes up really, really fast.

And it makes my AC go up by five points, which will be 21. Wow. That's beautiful. OK. But that's my reaction spent. So-- [IMITATING EXPLOSION] That-- OK. Wait, that was a smart thing to use it on, though. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want this thing's bite. It's nasty. Kali, you're up. [GROANING] Do I have a chance to see how fragile the walls around us are? How fr-- OK. How do you mean? Like cave in opportunity? Like, remember when we were-- the last time we played, there was like a section where I was like, this is about to fall. Is that like-- is the area we're in similar to that, or-- I wouldn't say so just because it's a dead end.

Like, this is a-- OK. You know what I mean? It's probably just lots and lots of wall, to be honest. OK. Then I'm going to do erupting earth. OK. Now, I want to repeat what you just said. Yeah. You're in a cavern. Yep. And you want to use erupting earth. Well, everything that I have is similar, so-- OK. It's just like, it's not as bad as it sounds. OK. What if you did like non-lethal damage, but to the ground? It just-- maybe I'll do spike growth instead. OK. Is that better? Does that sound better? What sounds good to you? I'll just do spike growth. OK. I'm afraid of-- like, I want to do up to earth, but I'm afraid of it.

So let's do that one. OK. Let's do it. So spikes are going to come out of the ground, and it's in a 20-foot radius. So I'll probably do it at a point behind the creature. OK. So that way it doesn't get everybody. But where did the thing go? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. It takes 2d4 piercing damage for every five feet it travels. And I think that takes it at the beginning of their spell-- or at the beginning of their turn when they are in the terrain. Beautiful. Do you want to place a little marker? Maybe. Let's see if I can do it. I can never-- I can never do it. If you go to right-click and pointers.

OK. I was definitely on the wrong thing then. Pointers. Look at this. A square. It's a radius, right? It's a 20-foot radius. So-- oh, is it a circle then? Yeah. I'm sorry. Don't be sorry. You're fine. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. No, no. You're not. You're doing great, even though you threatened me earlier. You're amazing, and we love you. You are. You're a superstar. It's 20 or 25 feet. It's a 20-foot radius. OK, so it's smaller. Nah. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, right there is good. Because that doesn't technically get Tatiana or Larg, correct? Correct. OK. Sorry. That was a lot.

Good. OK. So anybody who enters that is going to take what? 2d4? 2d4 piercing damage for every five feet. All right. Beautiful. So don't do that. So if it doesn't move, it still takes the damage? Hold on. Sorry, I didn't mean to-- It becomes difficult terrain for the duration when the creature moves into it or within the area. It takes 2d4 piercing damage for every five feet it travels. OK, I guess it doesn't, but-- OK. But we know. Now we know. It can't move. Can't move. You got it right there where you want it. Not that it was going to go anywhere. What if it gets pushed?

Probably, yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah, because it's basically rolling around in thorns, right? Do the spikes appear on the walls and ceiling too? Because it's already demonstrated it can go up there. Oh. This would be on the ground, wouldn't it? But right now it's on the ground. Let's not make things overly complicated. OK. My brain hurts. It's OK. It's a Pringles can, so where does the ground end really? It's an infinite loop. Yeah. Wait, can I do-- I always forget the thing about bonus spells. Can I do a level one bonus spell if I did a level two standard? A bonus action?

Yeah. Yeah, bonus action. Yep. OK, because then I want a bonus action healing word, Kaladin. Uh, don't on me. I haven't been hit. Oh, who was it? Oh, it was Larg, right? OK, then I'll do that. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention because I was struggling. You're fine. Half this episode is going to be you apologizing. I know. I feel really bad. Stop. OK, I don't think you took away the right lesson earlier. Eight. Eight health. Back to-- I don't know why I said that like the count. Ah, ah. Back to Larg. OK, I'm done now. OK. Brailein. OK, so I move right next to Elena. I imagine that there's like this little cliff, this little ledge here of like rocks and shit.

So I hop up, like just hop up on it a little bit, and then I'm going to target the daracha. The Dorito. The Dorito? Yeah. And cast Bane. So let's give it a spell save. Let's see if it saves. Wow. Oh my god. Super save. Holy shit. Uh, yeah, it's going to shrug that shit off, like yeah. So that's a second level spell slot. That was a crit for everybody at home. Yeah, I imagine Brailein starts playing. On charisma for something so ugly. Yeah. It's beautiful in its own way. Nature is wonderful. Finds it. So yeah, he just like tries to play a horn, and it's like, oh, it doesn't work.

I picture DBZ when someone fires one of those key blasts, and like it just gets flicked over their head, like it's like, oh shit. The daracha uses one of its million limbs and knocks it away. That was an action, yeah? Oh my god. Okay, well then, Brailein moves back one space. Oh shit. Done. Well, that's not great. Uh, Kaladin? Okay, I'm gonna try and do a big turn here, so bear with me. I'm gonna spend some sorcery points to do a level two spell as a bonus action. And that's going to be on this bad boy. There's some like snow that eddies around it up above these spikes and starts slamming down on this bad boy to do a dex save.

Oh my god. He done saved out of that. Yeah, I picture he just like crawled up the wall real quick or leaned over it, like he's man, he's on fire. Yeah, that's an 18. Yeah, all those legs just like moving around everywhere, all over these spikes and stuff. Okay, so that's that. Then I'm going to, as my, so that was my bonus action, as a regular action, I'm gonna try and do some frostbite. So even though these snowballs are like landing everywhere and it's dodging, some of the snow hits it and starts to like crawl icy up one of its gross little thingies.

Yeah, keep it in place, that's what we do. Yeah. Oh, he failed. Oh, and he failed that one, okay. Yeah, he failed. Okay, cool, cool, then that is just a d6 cold damage, which I will roll now. And I think that's it. Yeah, let me just double check, I think that's... So that's two damage to the doracha. Yeah, two cold damage and I'm gonna try and move back. Okay. Which I think it might be able to take a swipe on me. Oh yeah. But I got my ACs up for the time being, but I'm gonna risk it to try and move back from this bad boy. All right, so what are the odds that it hits you?

I mean... I already rolled a crit, come on. Yeah. So let's say he... If I can just swing this, whatever. 22. That'll do it, that'll hit. Okay, I am gonna use Cutting Words. Wait, no, I'm... Oh, okay, go ahead. Go ahead, sorry, I got antsy. When a creature that's in front of me can see it in 60 feet, makes an attack roll, and ability check or damage roll, I can use my reaction to expend one of my Bardic Inspirations. So I roll it and I subtract that from the number of its attack roll. Oh dude, if you roll a one, that's all you get to do. Oh, rule six, super negative, bro.

He does not hit, Kaladin. I'm sorry. Our magic combines. Sorry I didn't catch it in time, Jason, I'm sorry. Dude, stop apologizing. Well, because I know how frustrating it is, but it's like, oh, I got damaged. And then the player's like, well, excuse me. Guys, we got through 4a together. We can get through anything. Okay. I picture Kaladin stumbling back and this thing swipes down with one of its big legs, and he falls on his butt, pretty sure that he got hit, but he looks over at Braille and Braille is doing some cool Bard stuff. I'm just playing Down in Kokomo.

Down in Kokomo. And that's how we can sing for... It stops the... It's the John Stamos song? No, the one. Actually, fun fact, on an episode of Fun House, John Stamos did sing with them, so I'm not entirely wrong. Very true. Very, very true. I remember that episode. They were in Hawaii. Thank you, Valerie. Will they sing "Rockohola" or maybe I'm getting mixed up. I don't think that's a song. Yeah. That's... Okay, that's not a song, but what you're singing... What? Say it again? Rockohola, rock, rockohola, rockohola, rock. I don't know how the rest of the song... I don't know.

That's a 50s song if ever I've heard it. That is some big bopper shit. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I'm confused now. Oh, now I don't know. Look how far we've gone. Look how far we went. Like they got stranded on an island. It was very Gilligan's Island. They even made a reference to Gilligan's Island in the episode. Damn it. That's been our full house corner with Valerie. No, no, no. She's right and it bothers me because it's like it's not "Rockohola", but I know it's like... Damn it. I know. Okay. "Rock the Cosmo". No, that's the clash. We're coming back around to this.

We're not done here. Larg. I just want to start by saying I'm sorry. I'm going to put down four AOEs. Carpet bomb the whole place. So Larg's going to lever his hammer at this thing and he's going to cast Command at it. He's going to Command it to run. Nice. Across Dem Spikes. So it needs to make a Wisdom save and I forget what my DC is. Well, okay. Let's see. Wisdom save. Here we go. Oh, that's shitty. It's better than that. That's a five. I bet your DC's probably four, right? Yeah, damn it. This thing's good. Cool. So it has to run away for one round and then it can do whatever it wants after that.

Okay. That song is going to bother me. Okay. So it has to run up to its speed? It has to. I just closed the spell. It has to. You speak with one word command creature. You can see within range. Target must succeed on the wisdom save or follow the command on its next turn. Okay. So on its next turn, it's got to... Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Elena. Okay. Okay. So I'm glad that it runs away on its turn because then that would have ruined my plans for my action. So I am going to move up to the... Oh, I already forgot what it's called. Geez. Doracha. Okay. Thank you. Nice. And I am going to try and slash at it with my long sword.

And if it hits, then I'm going to do something else with it. That's a miss. Wait, give me one second. Well, it's gonna... Okay. Sorry. Okay. If I miss my first attack, do I still get my second attack or no? I think. Yeah. Okay. Then I'll try and hit it again, I guess. Let's do it. Oh, that's less. That's gonna miss. Okay. Then... Wait, doesn't she get advantage because Larx are third? Oh, I definitely get advantage. You do get advantage. Okay. So let's say that was the first attack. Now let's do the second. Right. Also with advantage. Yep. Okay. Oh my God. So that's four attacks all miss.

Tight, tight, tight, tight, tight. 15, 16. Okay. Elena's not gonna do anything this round. Okay. She's gonna just chill out. Elena's gonna get winded. Well, she walked up there. She did something. She did. Very imposing. Tatiana. Yes. Okay. So I would like to use my uncanny dodge. Oh, just kidding. I have to wait. That's not the thing that I was looking for. I meant my cunning action, which basically means that I can disengage without getting like attacked. Right. Yep. Okay. So can I do that and move? Oh yeah. Well, yeah, that's the yeah. That's why you use it. So she's gonna take two more steps back and fire again.

Maybe if it will work. There we go. That'll hit. Yay. Woohoo. And can I do my sneak attack extra damage? There are people present. So yes. Yay. I think it's three. How do I three? Let me just check it. Sorry. I think it's 3d6. I think it's 3d6 too, but I'm there we go. Three. Jesus. Another 12 damage. Yay. And that will be the end of Tatiana's turn. Okay. So, okay. Just for clarification sake, does it have to use its entire turn? Just moving or? I believe so. Let me double check. Okay. I just want to make sure before I do stuff. Or follow the command on its next turn. Spell has already...

Yeah. All it says it has to follow the command on its next turn. So I think the idea is if it can do it, it has to do it until the turn is over. That's my understanding of it. Okay. So and the command was just get away from it. Yeah. Okay. Scoop. Okay. Skiddaddle. Uh, one, two, three. Okay. So he's gonna take five, uh, a bunch of damage for every square. He's gonna take. So that's okay. So that's six spaces. So 2d4 times six, right? Yes. So do that. Do that thing to him. You want me to do it? It's your spell. I thought you'd be satisfied getting all that damage rolls in.

I guess. Hey, we can just skip it. You know what? Let's just skip. No, it's okay. So there's two of six. One, two, three. Two of six moves. I mean, so two, four. Good Lord. Six there. So that is 30 damage. Damn. That's pretty damn good. See, that's great. I feel a little bit better about my choices guys. Callie, your turn. Let's see how far away he is. 35 feet. I wanted to throw fire at it, but okay. I just need to move forward a little bit. I'll come up here between Mark and Alaina. And then I will do produce flames and toss an attack of fire at it. 20 will hit. Two damage.

Okay. That's pretty good. Braylin. Braylin's gonna move here. Okay. And that's 30 feet, right? That was five feet that you just moved. No, no, no. From where the monster is. Oh, yes. Okay. I'm gonna try Bane one more time. Oh, okay. What are the odds of him rolling that high twice? Pretty good. I'm at a level two spell slot. So Braylin's ready himself. Like, what the fuck? Just looks down at the loot. You know what it is? It's the acoustics. Yeah, it's the cave. You're right. He looks to Cauldron, puts his hand on him. He's like, you take care of this, Mr. Cauldron. And as my reaction or bonus action, I'm sorry.

I give him my last part of inspiration. Oh, so what do I get? Do I get a D8 to roll? It's a TA. Yeah. Nice. Cauldron gives him a high five. Oh, no, a bump. That's probably how we do it. Yeah. Yeah. Boom. Yeah. Fist bump. That's how transfer's over. Finish. Got it. All right. Kaladin, your turn. Oh, nice. Okay. So Kaladin's gonna do this bump. Their fists are gonna glow. This Bardic Inspiration transfers, and he's gonna raise one finger. The wind's gonna sort of, like, gust up around him as he points it out towards the Doracha and fires a special beam cannon. Frostbite. At this thing.

Let's see. Do I have to declare to use the Bardic Inspiration before I just did that? Yes. No, no, no. You do it now before he tells you the result. Oh, before he tells the result. I would like to use it. Okay. So I just roll this here. D8. Is that how we can do that? Yeah, buddy. Oh, great. All right. Well, okay. Wait, wait, wait. What are you applying that to? The Doracha has to save. Right. It's rolling. Oh, that's right. So you want to save that? No, it shouldn't have been. It shouldn't have been saved. That's not what I cast. Cast Frostbite. Oh, I cast the wrong thing.

I'm so sorry. That's okay. I meant to try it again. Yeah, well, here we go. There we go. Okay. And we'll see. I used up the Bardic Inspiration. Are you sure? Um, if you will let me keep it, that is super nice. And I will let's keep it. 22 will hit. All right. So this Ray of Frost gonna shoot some damage. Boom. Boom. Oh, shit. Seven damage to the Doracha. And its speed is now 10. Oh, so this special beam cannon hits it and just frost all over its legs, making, like, frosting it to the stalagmites. And, like, it's having trouble, like, into the spikes, like, trying to, like, break the ice to stumble wherever it's going.

Oh, wow. That's not good. And that is me done. Blarg. You got time to have a cookout before it gets back here. I'm gonna go ahead and cast Bless. She's gonna hoist that hammer up in the air. It's gonna glow and a little thread of light is gonna touch on Tatyana and Elena and Calli. Basically, you get an extra d4 to your attacks for the next minute. And saves. And saves. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. Anything else from Larg? That's gonna do it. He's gonna just post up his shield and wait for it to stumble its way back here. All right, Elena, your turn. Okay. So the command, the running away, is that over?

Oh, yeah. Okay, so I'm assuming that the dorach is gonna come back. Yes. I think that's a safe assumption. Okay, then I think I want to wait until the doracha comes back. So I don't know if that's just delaying or like ready in action? Well, we're at the end of the round. Yeah. Oh, can I not delay then? Well, I mean, we're at the end of the round, so there's no... You are the last person. There's nowhere to delay to. Oh, I see. Yeah. Does it roll over to the start of the next round? I don't believe so. Oh, okay. Well, that's stupid. Sorry to tell you how to run your game, Jason, but that's stupid.

That's fine. I've been called stupid before. I'm not calling you stupid. I love you. Well, fuck then. Okay. Just throw your sword. Don't you have a crossbow or something? Yeah, I mean, I do, but... Okay, I'll shoot it with my crossbow because... You can have the doracha away from you or you can have it close to you. Can't have both ways. I want it close to me so I can push it away from me. Getting mixed signals here. Okay, I'll shoot it with my crossbow. I don't think maybe I've shot this crossbow once. I don't remember. Then you're due. 23 will hit. Tight. I don't know what the hell that rolled.

Oh, because I bless. Okay, that makes sense. Gotcha. So here's damage. Well, that's four. And that's why I don't use the crossbow. Okay, I'll try and hit it again. Wait, what? I had like a second attack. Not with a ranged weapon. Oh, I don't know. Is it all or is it just melee or ranged too? Oh, let's see. Where would that be? Isn't that for dual weapon fighting? No, I think you just get a second attack. I think I just get a second attack because I'm a fighter. Is that because of the battle master thing? I don't think so. I'm trying to find out. I've never been in that situation before.

Extra attack. It's called extra attack. Beginning after the level, you can attack twice instead of once. Whenever you take the attack action. Yeah. I stand corrected. Go ahead. I am completely wrong. Okay, so I will shoot at it with my crossbow again. Oh, that'll hit. Holy shit. That'll hit a lot. Just bless. Should bless still be on? Yes, because it lasts for a minute. Yes. Yes. Okay. And damage. Six damage. All right. I will take that. So that'll be the end of my turn. All right. And that'll bring up Tatiana again. Okay, so I think Tatiana, after seeing this thing sort of scurry away, because it's no longer in my line of sight.

Yeah. She's probably going to look towards Elena and just yell, come on, and sort of like so that they can go in this direction away from the monster thing. Right. I mean, if you're going to try and run away, now might be the best time. I don't know. Is that all Tatiana is doing with her turn? I mean, I feel like I'm going to waste my turn, but I feel like she wouldn't run unless she got some sort of confirmation from the other side that that was indeed what they were doing. So she wouldn't move, you know? So I guess. Yeah, she can see us, right? Yeah, I can see all of you guys.

Okay. She just can't see the doracha. Now I just can't see the doracha. Well, golly, the doracha's in a spot. Now I need to ask a couple of questions just for, is it just movement speed? Yeah, it's movement is 10. Okay. Until the start of my next turn. Okay. Well, fine. I guess he's going to start skittering back. So he'll get to there and take four D4s. If my math is correct. Yes. Oof, there's another 10 to the doracha. So that's... Now, man, there's not a whole lot. I got stabbies and biteys. I don't have a ton. So you know what I'm going to do? Web attack. Web attack to lard.

Oh, it's like a locket thing. This is very important. Which end does the web come out of? You know what? Let's roll a d20 and find out. One through 10. It's through his butt diamond. And then 11 through 20. #buttdiamond. Nope, this is face. So this is just the face. Still gross. It's kind of disappointing. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I think that... It's like a towels from Star Wars. It's got that little proboscis sticking out. Do that again. Make that noise again. But forever. Get it clean. Do you want to clean? All right. Here we go. Oh, good stuff. Okay. That's how we're opening the show.

Glad we stopped. This is the weirdest altercation ever. Yeah, this fights are pretty strange. Yeah, so it's going to spit this webbing at Larg. 15? I don't think the 15. No, it's not. Oh, well, damn it. I guess that'll wrap it up. Larg is literally going to make like a "ugh". Stop that shit. Callie! Can I do something? Can I make an intelligence check to see if the way that Tatiana is like that? Oh, my God. I can't even talk anymore. The way Tatiana is going. Is that the way that we need to go to get out? I mean, you can. Sure. Do I need to do that? Well, okay. You know, it's not this way.

Right. You need an intelligence check. Run around further into the cave. Right. So I feel like you should just finish this thing off. Then do that. How's this? Can we tell how it's looking? I mean, it doesn't look like it's on its last legs, so to speak. Thank you. No problem. Thank you, next. Don't get me started, okay? Yeah, I'm just going to attack it. Okay. Cool. Hold on. Hold on. I have inspiration dice. Do you? Wait. Yeah, I still had one from Brelin. Oh, is that a crit? That's a crit. Oh, just kidding. Oh my gosh. Hey, that rolls on the table. Of course it does. Oh goodness.

Tonight's a key fall. Do I fall and bash my head in and lose another intelligence point? Because that would just be great. Sorry. Oh no, I hope it's not something ridiculous. I judging by tonight. I don't know, man. Uh, okay. So, uh, where's looking for my critical tables and I'm not seeing them all of a sudden. There we go. Jeez. Uh, fumbles. That's what we're looking for, guys. Fumble. There we go. Okay. Let's see. Do you want to roll the d20 or should I? I'm just gonna, there we go. Great. Perfect. Oh no. This has never happened before in the show. Groupie, we're always doing the first.

Pushing the barriers. Worst luck in Theria. What a very groupie ability. This is a special table role and what this relates to is a natural disaster. So, oh no. Based on what you roll right now, please don't be earthquake, but based on what you roll right now, a natural disaster is going to occur. It could be now or very soon. So the first thing we need to do, Callie, could you please do me a favor and roll a d10? Have fun retconning that, Jason. Like a whole nine is high. Good. High's high. Could you do me a favor? Uh, roll a d4. That was a six. I got nervous.

No, you're fine. Excellent. Okay. We'll come back to that. So, uh, uh, Braylin, your turn. How ominous, huh? It's fucking terrifying. Yeah, it's meant to be. All right. No more veins for today. Oh, actually first level spell. I'm sorry. Oh, you think darkness is your ally. I was born in it. Uh, fuck it, dude. Vicious mockery classic, right? Yeah, let's do it. Let's target it. Is this another safe? Yeah. Okay. Okay. You're due, right? I'm due. I have to be. He's gonna say, yeah, even with those million legs, still can't get over here. Just gonna be laughing at him. Oh no, he's gonna get, Oh, did he say through it?

He saved. Didn't he? 14, 14 is my save. Yeah. God damn it. We have the worst luck in theory. And it's not even have damage or anything. It's just this nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Okay. Anything else? No, cause that's, that's it. Okay. Kaladin, you're up. All right. Kaladin's up. Um, he, this guy, this Doracha, uh, no longer has, his speed is no longer reduced. Oh, good. Kalden is going to turn to Braylin and say, Braylin, I need you to play me a song, something with dragons in it. Kokomo. You're out of Trogdor? I haven't. No, he starts playing Trogdor. Trogdor. Now we gotta get the rights to Trogdor.

Well, I'm not actually going to sing it. Obviously. I'm joking. And Kalden is going to try and cast this spell, a bunch of snow and ice, Eddie over like a whirlpool almost like opened up above this thing. Help me, Rhonda. Help me, Rhonda. That's what it is. Valerie, Valerie, the song that you were booping and bopping to it isn't rock, rock, anything. It's help me, Rhonda, help. I remember that because of, uh, Short Circuit 2. Oh, look, it's in the chat. Rock a hula. That's not a song. Oh, that's a one. Sorry. But you're not going to ruin the table. I was going to say, is that the crit miss is help me, Rhonda?

I'm sorry. Yeah, it's just the wrong song. I play the wrong song. Okay. That's that. That'll be it. Just a miss. Unfortunately. Yeah, the spell kind of just fizzles out is called in sweats a little bit trying to maintain it. You guys are throwing a lot of spell slots at this thing. Larg. Yeah, I'm just going to wing a javelin at this thing. Yeah. Let's just kind of up and fancy. Jesus. It's a 15. That'll miss. Okay. Well, I'm going to throw another one because I got into second attack. Yeah, let's do it. That's an eight. I wasn't even looking when I threw the second one.

I just just. All right, I'm done. Okay. Elena. Is this the Super Bowl of battles? Yeah, it feels like it a little bit. It's all defensive. You know what I think it is? I think it's that we know very well that this thing could probably wipe the party, but we refuse to take it seriously. Yeah, that's a good attitude to have because if you don't, you have what happened in the Patreon content. If you'd like to hear what happened, don't forget to subscribe to Patreon. Hashtag diamond butt. Okay, so what did we decide? Did we decide we're not running or no one made a decision?

We're just attacking this thing. I mean, we've been fighting this thing. That's what you've seen is us fighting it tight. Okay. Are all the spikes is that still around? Yeah. No, sorry. I didn't mean to say like that. I just want to say yes, because it's a concentration spell. So it is still around? Yes. Okay. Sorry. Like, I have to have a direct answer. I don't know what's going on. Okay, then I'm gonna shoot more crossbows at it. Oh God, you're shooting the whole crossbows at it? It's not even the bolts. They're tiny crossbows that go on through. Oh yeah, I guess.

Okay, I'm gonna shoot it. That 16 will miss. Tight. Okay, second attack. I'm gonna shoot it. You got it, though. 14. This is like the equivalent of like when you're firing a gun and then you just throw the gun when it runs out of ammo. Click, click, click. Click rocks at this thing. It's destiny that that thing comes up to us and kills one of us. That's gonna happen. I hope not. There's nothing. It's like the yarns of fate are like, fuck y'all. God, I'm just saying Tatiana said, let's run. So you did. I guess Tatiana's turn. I'm not done with my turn. Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, I'm just kidding. I am done with my turn. You're a shit. You're a little shit. Dragged on us. So Tatiana is gonna see that nobody is following her and then see that this sort of spidery thing crawled up again, because it looks like the wall sort of teeters down. So she probably see like legs or something. And she'll sort of like roll her eyes to herself and she'll take two steps back over here and she'll fire. Let's do it. Battle hits. Yeah, broke the curse. Okay, I'll do my regular and then sneak attack damage. Sure. Yep. Gorgeous. That's eight damage plus.

Oh, high rolls. Plus 14. Everybody 22 damage in total. I get to say a thing. Oh no, don't do it. I haven't said in years. She's gonna run. Tatiana runs. As a result of being bloodied. This Doracha you're going to from its mandibles. It's going to start to drip this corrosive acid and for the duration of its life, at least this battle, it's going to do an extra die of poison damage when it attacks and hits with any poison attacks. Okay. What else you got, though? You said you got more stuff. I did. I think you did. No, that was the sneak attack. You're good. That's a shitload.

And I can't move back, right? You didn't use all your I mean, you got you still got some movement left. You could break up your movement. However you want. I'm gonna go one right here then. So it can't hit you. She's like, yeah, she's like ducking behind the wall and then she's like shooting kind of like very Robin Hood-esque because I want to feel like a badass. Okay. All right, here we go. Okay. It's in like a puzzle piece. 64. 64. Oof, 15 damage. Okay, you can see where there are lots of cuts and abrasions and scrapes on this thing. You have broken through.

You have caused it to bleed. It's kind of this pinkish purpley ooze coming out of it. But you're doing it like you're hitting it. So now it's a race and I wish you all the best of luck. Here we go. This thing's going to try and stab Larg first. It's very... Oh, that's a fucking huge miss. Okay. And then I guess stab Elena. Ha! Stab! 19! I will impose disadvantage on that. Sorry. Okay. She's next to me, so. I had a feeling. So one more time. 16! That still hits. Does it? Yep. It's some armor. *Laughter* Yeah, we gotta invest in some heavy armor for Elena. Is this against...

This is against AC, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah. My AC is 16. Okay, so first I'm going to roll an extra D6 poison damage. That's only one extra. It's only one extra. So it's not that big a deal. Shazam! 12 damage. Oh, no. What is it? Does it smell? Does it have like an acrid smell? This poison? I would imagine, and this is the weird thing, I would imagine that it probably smells almost like fresh fish. Interesting. What? Yeah, it's so odd. It's very odd. It's not fish, though. It's poison. *Laughter* So like salty? Kind of a... Kind of... If a smell could smell oily almost, like, um, like it's...

It's, yeah, it's an acquired taste. He's gonna try and bite Larg, by the way. For his third and final attack. 25 to Larg. Can I do it? Okay, so... Could you do me a favor roll a Constitution save for me? I would love to. I am more efficient than those. 16. Okay, that'll be fine. Don't worry about that. So I need to read all of this because it's a big thing. So one... So that's an extra four damage to this and it's going to do half poison damage. Yes. Okay, so this is the initial piercing damage. That's... Ooh, okay. Don't worry about that. That whole thing. Don't worry.

Oh, that... No, wait. That was your concentration. Do worry about that. Oh, shit. All those blesses expired. So we know that. So 3d8 poison damage, but it's half that on a successful save. So you saved. So let's see what these 3d8 roll. 14, so seven extra damage. Okay, that's not bad. And that'll round up the Durotches turn. Kali. I can't ask that. That's like meta. I don't know. I don't know what to do. I think what she'll do is she's gonna cast Barkskin on herself to raise her AC. Cause I don't want to drop this spike of growth yet. Well, there's nothing to do. Just know that my AC is 16 now.

Okay. Love it. Anything else? Oh, I can do a healing word though. Yeah. Let's do that. Actually I can do a... Yeah, no, a healing word because Cure Wounds is a full action. So I will do some healing to Lark. Okay. Here we go. Seven, seven hit points back to Lark. Sorry. Okay. All right. Braelon. He's gonna look at his loot, just shake his head, put on his back and pull off his shortbow and aim it at the Dorito Racha. I don't get advantage, right? Because I'm not flanking it. These guys are flanking it. Yep. You get advantage. Oh, well, well, well. I feel a crit coming on.

Me too. But don't say that. Okay. 22 will hit. Nice. Drop that three. Finish his shortbow. When you crit, it does stuff. Okay. Seven. Just kind of turns the shortbow sideways, almost like his body knows what to do, but he doesn't know what he's doing. And he just lets one loose. Very nice. That's it. You should have been doing that the whole time. I know. Yeah. He realized like, oh, yeah, but that's the end. Kaladin. I'm just gonna try and I guess Kaladin says that out loud. I'm just gonna try and fill its face with as many icicles as I can. And I will cast magic missile at third level and shoot out five icicles coming out from around Larg's back, just spidering out.

This thing has too many legs and we have to take some of them down. So here we go. That's one, two, three, four, five. Jesus. Five legs gone. Okay. Magic missile. Lots of magic missiles. Okay, so that's a bunch of damage. Nine, 14, 16, I think. Yes. Yes. So one after another of these icicles and a couple of them I imagine would shatter and impact kind of that thick carapace thing going on, but some of them are going right in, kind of twisting the knife in this thing. And it's just gonna be like, and just make all these. Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Yes. And somebody take that cliff and make it a ringtone.

I'm gonna just hit it with a hammer. Okay. Get that kick. Get that kill steel Larg. Do it. Hey. Fucking fuck. Can I tell you how long I've been waiting for us to get on the fucking crit table? (laughter) Is it an hour and a half? No. Try a couple games. Strike now. Any allies adjacent to you get advantage on attacks against your target until the end of your next turn. I mean, that's not amazing because you already got advantage, but right now, roll that beautiful damage, Larg. So I'd like to remind everybody that as a half orc, I get triple damage. Shit. And I also got me a fancy second level spell slot I'd like to burn.

Oh no. So that I can roll 6d8 plus four. No, I'm sorry. 6d8 plus 12. Wait. Okay. That's what I want to roll. I want to roll six eight sided dice, Jason. I mean, I guess so. You had a bad day. Let's do it. So I should be able to just roll this to get the first two. Okay. Yeah. And just keep rolling d8s until the table gets tired. So I'm just going to throw four more d8 on there. Okay. Good. Good. Kapow. Okay. That will kill the daracha. This fucking Singularity, finally. So I picture this thing like I picture Kaladin set it up just like just icicle, icicle, icicle, and then walk just coming down, crunk, right on its head and killing it.

Because that is a massive impact. Maybe even like some spark coming off of that, like some light, just like, bang. Just it's beautiful. Oh yeah. No, that left a light trail behind it. Got real mad after it bit me. How much web comes out? Cool. It's just like holding down a silly string can just at the end. I picture it's almost like a like just kind of falling out of its mouth. Just so you remember that fucking that half that's creepy about killing this thing. So it will like it's some of its legs are kind of attached to the ceiling, like bracing it. And obviously those are going to like one by one, like the fucking party streamers just blaaah.

And then the half a drow attached to its back is already flopped over, but it's going to all kind of roll over in a heap. And yeah, just kind of fill this cavern with a stench of like, not a fishy fish, not like a salmon or a perch more. It's not too bad. Yeah. So it's okay. Jason, is the drow clothed? No. Okay. No, no, no, no. Laura's going to do that thing where you just like get the get a chill like a minute or two after just like, ugh. So that was awful. Tatiana is going to walk up and grab her arrows out of this thing and she will collect some of the gooey stuff.

So that is a pretty nasty poison you got there. If you have like a glass vial on you, you could collect a decent amount. Enough to dip your weapons in from time to time. Yeah, let me, I don't know if I have a glass vial because I know I used one for the drake's blood. Oh yeah. You have some oil. Yeah, I have oil flasks. If you have a poisonous kit, you can, I think you might have glass vials. I don't have that. Oh. But yeah, I would empty a oil flask to get some poison. Okay. So this is the kind of poison drow use to coat their blade. This shit's nasty. Like you're trying to murder somebody if you're using this, essentially.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to put some drow poison in your inventory. How many uses do I get with this drow poison? There's a whole list of instructions and stuff like that. Just know that if you were to buy this from somebody, and by the way, buying poisons is kind of a tricky business because you either have to go to somebody like an assassin or somebody who's creating something like under the table type stuff. This would usually cost you about 200 gold. I'm going to empty out my other flask and get another one, baby. Yeah, she's learning with the Callie.

Sorry, go ahead. Oh, I was just gonna say she'd ask if anybody wants this oil first. Like, anybody want this before I toss it? All right, so now she has two. Yeah, so Larg is going to look at Callie and just be like, is there anything else we can take and sell? We've got no money. Is there anything else that we can take and sell from this thing? Just nature checks. I hope you said roll a nature tag, because that's what I did. That's what I asked for. That's a crit 20. Holy shit. Okay, now I guess this depends on how creative you want to get and how much of this thing you might want to take apart and carry.

Well, okay, there are people who are real big into taxidermy and stuff like that, but the payout really isn't worth the hassle. They might give you 150, 200 gold or something like that, but that involves carrying most of, if not all of this giant fucking spider thing around. Not worth the hassle. What you could do is take its mandibles off and you can take your... If you wanted to, you could try and harvest its venom sack, like completely, which would get you another vial of drow poison. And that's pretty much what you can get out of this thing. That's pretty much what you can get out of this thing.

But we'd have to have another empty vial to... That's true, yes. Unless you want to just try and... Okay, what you could do basically is like a complex surgery to take this venom sack and put it in your things and be very, very gentle. No thanks. Cauldron will pour out his remaining jar of oil and hand it to Callie, the empty jar. Okay. And I'm going to say with that crit, Callie knows enough about this thing just by looking at its anatomy that she could reach in and just give it a good squeeze and fill that thing up without hurting herself. Yummy. Or, yeah, or spilling any of this poison.

Again, this... Okay, so there's a process of filtration that from the venom sack through its glands, it kind of excretes this stuff. When you're squeezing it right out of the venom sack, it smells more like a Long John Silver's dumpster. Like it smells... Like in the hot sun, like it's very potent, very, very fishy. I'm vegan, can't relate. Did you go to Long John Silver recently? Because you're talking about fish. No, I'm just trying to... Hey, I'm just trying to take you there, man. It works. Okay. So I think... Oh my god. Oh my god, okay. So I think Callie would obviously harvest the rest of the venom that she could and then grab.

She wouldn't want to take big chunks of this thing. So if there's anything small that's easy to store in her bag, that's what she'd grab. Okay. So let's say you do that again without crit 20. I'd say you're doing great. Thanks. Okay. You guys got to get the hell out of this cave. Yes. Before we leave, Elena is going to go up to the doracha and I will kick it. Okay. That's valid. Here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna... For the interest of time, I'm gonna ask one of you to do me a favor roll a flat d20. And as long as it's an eight or above, you guys are gonna get out of this cave without any further harassment.

Does that sound fair? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Well, I mean, this is one of those situations where we're gonna get stuck again. Yeah. I feel like we're all like, well, I guess we're gonna get a seven. Okay. Who hasn't rolled for me today? I think I didn't. I didn't during the skill check challenge, I think. Okay. Could you do me a favor? Braylin, give me a flat d20. The guy with no memory. I believe in you. Nine! Just fucking by the skin of our balls. I was literally like, I created a natural disaster today, guys. I'm not rolling anymore. Well, the natural disaster hasn't occurred yet.

At least it wasn't a flood because that would have sucked down here. We don't know what it was. It's just gonna happen later. It doesn't even have to be by us, right? Like it's anywhere in the world. Oh no, it's around you. Oh, okay. So guys, you are going to leave this cave. I would imagine. Do we have what we need for Braylin? Call in, I'll talk to Calli. Yeah, I was able to grab some before that thing came after us, so we're good. Then I think we've seen enough of the local flora and fauna. Agreed. So you're going to mix some stuff up? Yeah, let's do it. Oh, can we do that?

Can we do that here? Yeah. Oh shit. I'm imagining you're going to get the fuck away from this cave first. Like, I don't imagine that you're going to chill out by the entrance, but like, one, it's nighttime. I just want to make sure that everyone understands it's nighttime. So it's going to take Calli about an hour to mix this up. And I guess you're going to... So, okay, what this is going to be is kind of a goopy concoction. It's not a liquid. It's more like, because of the moss, it's got a very spongy texture mixed in with everything else. You're kind of grinding it up.

So it's like a paste. So Kaladin's essentially got to smear this bitter paste over his tongue and let it sit there for a few minutes while it mixes with the saliva. You're not touching Kaladin? I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, Braylin. No one's touching my mouth. No, well, see, Kaladin's got to put it in his mouth and then feed it like a baby bird to Braylin. That's the only way I'll accept it. Calli told me this is how we have to do it. This is the application. So I'm just going to... And he just leans in and does a little kiss. Nothing? I see nothing wrong with this?

I wish there were cameras. It's a beautiful moment. Would Braylin, I guess, take this stuff? Yeah. So like when he's... I guess we're sitting outside of this cave, right? Or somewhere. I picture he made camp. Yeah. Okay. We made camp somewhere. He'll see them working on it. And while he's working on it, he's going to have these things kind of run through his head like, "Oh, am I still going to be me?" Kind of like that whole existential crisis. Like, do I exist? Am I going to remember this? Like, what's going to happen is the me that I'm going to become is still going to be me?

He starts kind of freaking out a little bit to where his heart races, but then he kind of just hears a voice on his edge. So I'm like, "Hey, calm down. You'll be fine. It's going to help you." You know, it's just kind of just calming himself down and he'll wait for it to be administered. So when they finish, he'll kind of just open his mouth. So this stuff is disgusting. I'm not going to mince words. This is... It's just really, really, really gross. That being said, I'd say after about four to five minutes, you're probably going to gag once or twice, but this is just...

It's just kind of par for the course. Your memories are going to start flooding back into your head. It's really a strange sensation. Like, you ever walk out into the kitchen and then forget why you went out in the kitchen and all of a sudden it's like, "Fuck yeah, juice!" Imagine that times a million. Like, it's just like, "Oh, shit!" Like, over and over again, you remember it's like, "I remember that song I forgot. I remember... Oh, yeah, all these people I know!" And like all that stuff. All the gods, the fucking column of light, traveling around, all that shit.

Like, you remember it all. Okay, then when he feels like in a rush, he's going to stand up. I imagine him sitting on a log and everyone's like watching him, just like, "Is it working?" He's going to stand up like, "Huh? Whoa! Huh?" And he's going to focus on the failures, first and foremost, the things that pop in his head. Kori dying, Ectoron is dying, Larg dying, possibly Erolove dead. Like, everything's coming to him at once and he'll look at the ground, breathing really heavily, and then he looks up at Kaladin and he's like, "Hey! What? What? Wow!" And he'll just kind of fall on his knees and he'll have tears, but he's not sure why he's crying.

Like, he can't... It's like his body... He can't control what his body's doing, the emotions. Like, he just starts kind of tears running down his throat or his eyes and off of his face into the ground and he's just going to sit there until his breathing slows down, but he's got this, like, weird... Almost like an interrupted breathing, like the guy from Terminator 2. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, and then he'll stop and he'll look at Larg. You're back! Yeah, you too, bud. Oh, I mean, I didn't really go anywhere. And as he's saying, this is going to go up to Larg and hug him on his leg.

Like, really tight. He'll pry him off his leg and give him an actual hug. And he's going to just start bawling. I'm sorry, Larg. I'm so sorry. Oh, it's all right. No. You didn't have everybody to look to the good. You guys... He's in the backup. You didn't sign up for this. None of you did. It could have been any one of you. He's gonna grab his hair. Uh, Kaldin! I don't want to run anymore. This... We can't keep doing this. And he's gonna grab him and hug him too. Kaldin will give him a hug and pat his back. And you can see tears coming down Kaldin's face. And he's just gonna hug him as tight as he can.

Says, "I'm so glad you're back, Brelin. I'm so sorry. And we're not gonna have to run forever. I promise you. I promise you. We're not gonna have to run." He's gonna just like still kind of muffled in his chest. Oh, thank god. He goes back. His back's up. Oh, Elena. I remember you said you were mad at new Brelin. So he's gonna close his eyes and point his chin. Go ahead. One good one. Wait, does he want me to hit him? Yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, he remembers. Okay. Elena's going to look at Brelin. And she's going to kind of sigh. And she'll say, "I'm not going to hit you, Brelin.

I'm happy that you're back. I'm happy that everyone's back. And I think at this point, I'd rather just move past all of it." He opens one eye from being closed. Okay, that's a very mature thing to do. And then Elena punches him. No, I'm just kidding. He looks to Tatiana and Kali and says, "Thank you. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all. You risked your life again this time to get me back. The annoying me, yes, but still me." Oh, well, Tatiana will sort of get up from wherever she was sitting and go over to Brelin and sort of pat him on the back and just say, "I'm really glad you're back, buddy." Yeah, me too.

What do you say, guys? Let's head south. Can I ask a question? Are you guys stopping for the night and camping or are you getting back on the road and traveling through the night? I don't know. Maybe camping, right? I mean, we just got through killing a super monster. Okay, Kali. Yeah. Okay, another hour is going to go by and the ground is going to start to shake out of nowhere. Now, the natural disaster that you ruled was earthquake. Are you fucking kidding me? Now, what I want you to do is roll a flat d10. The higher the roll, the stronger this quake is going to be.

Okay. Gosh darn it, man. I wasn't kidding on that extended rest when I said groupie has the worst dice rolls. Well, that's an eight. And guys, I think that's a pretty good time for us to stop for the evening and we will pick things up next session with an earthquake. I guess a magnitude eight earthquake, which is the kind of earthquake Japan fears. Oh, my God. I love you guys. That's the strip that causes Tsunamis, dude. 8.0. Yeah, that's big. Good thing we're in the middle of the continent, I guess. I guess. I guess. Never mind. I won't ask that now. I mean, you can ask whatever you'd like.

Is this a sheer slip quake? We're still behind the other timelines, right? So this earthquake has already happened. So it can't be city ruining or... That's not a us problem, Jamie. Well, yes, one, that's not it. And two, like, okay, one, I'm not picturing earth earthquakes because that's the first thing I'm going to get 50 people running at me with stuff. This is going to be a pretty localized quake. So don't you worry about it. That's a fucking underground monster coming out of the ground. We got Braylen back. We got Braylen! One step forward, two steps back.

Man, we really hope that you guys enjoy today's episode. We are closing in on the end of arc two. We're not exactly sure when that's going to be, but we're trying to feel it out. We want there to be natural stopping points for everybody. Obviously, April 20th is Theriathon. If you guys didn't know, now you do. We have an event on our Facebook. We have an event on our Twitch. Please save the date. Remind yourselves. We want to see all of you guys tune in live April 20th and hang out with us. There will be live episodes recorded. It's something we don't usually do.

It's pretty much once a year. And we really hope to see a huge turnout for that. In the meantime, obviously you guys can go check out patreon.com/dandr. That's where we post all of our extra content. We will be posting information about the Kickstarter very, very soon. We're just ironing out some extra details. And we'll be releasing things like tiers and structure, goals, all that stuff. I've been speaking with you guys on the Discord and you could not have been nicer about things like artwork for the pitch and everything. We even got a couple of extra donations.

Thank you guys so much because the pitch itself is costing us thousands and it's all out of pocket just to make it look as good as the book is going to look. So it's been a mess. But thank you guys. And we will see you next week with a brand new episode. If you have feedback for us, please send it to dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's d-a-n-d-r podcast@gmail.com. And I'll try to answer any questions you might have. In the meantime, you guys try and have a fantastic week and I will talk to you later.