The Simple Solution

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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With a subscription to BattleBards Prime, you get access to an ever expanding library filled to bursting with over 2,000 audio tracks, all yours for the streaming. It even comes with a fantastic mixer to set up all your custom sounds for your next session. Go to BattleBards.com for more info. Previously for Group A. After a tumultuous time in the town of Aubrey, the group deals with their differences. Matty cuts ties with the church of a monitor, and the group sets back out onto the road to complete their mission in Donhurst. And that's where we pick things up today.

Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table starting with Rob. Hey, I'm Rob, I'm playing Ubo, the half-orc druid of the mountain. And Michael. Hey, I'm Michael and I play Amvin, the now alive half-elf wizard. And James. Hi, it's James, I play Masoka, the half-elf rogue. And Kelsey. I'm Kelsey and I play Aster, the elven archer. And Xavier. I'm Xavier and I play Donovan, the human fighter. And Susan after half a decade is now following me on Twitter. Hi, I'm Susan, I'm playing Matty, Ryoin.

I guess I'm now following Jason, I guess I'm gonna unfollow him. Just muted. Yeah. How do I chase away people? Oh my god, here's what we're gonna do. 'Cause I feel like our last couple of sessions have been... They've been kind of weighty, a little heavy. What with the death and all. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna pick up things on the 17th. And we're gonna pick up things toward the end of the day. This is... you've been on the road for a full day. And I'm gonna ask you guys if there was anything... There's a couple of things that I assumed. You leaving Aubrey, there was some revelations at the end of the last session that I just kind of assumed you took care of.

But I'm gonna ask just in case. But we're gonna kind of skip that awkward getting back on the road thing. It's been a full day of travel. You are about five days outside the town of Durnhollow. And you're getting ready to make camp. Is there anything anybody would like to do before we just kind of advance time? No, except that like... yeah. I don't think... I don't know if anyone would have withheld any information from the last few days. But I think we would be all caught up on everything that happened. Masoka's been given his armor already and stuff. Sweet.

The only thing Maddie would have withheld is she's no longer part of the Church of Aubrey. I don't think that would have come up organically. That's the only thing. But it's not that she's holding it back. It's just that that probably would have come up. Hey, where'd your ring go? You mean the ring that I wear under my glove that you guys never see anyways? [laughter] So I think that's like the only thing. And I imagine there was probably that weird mixture of like, "Yay, these guys are back for the dead!" And like, "That's incredibly fortuitous." And then a lot of, "We're just gonna not talk about the demon in the room." And, "We're just gonna keep walking." That type of thing.

Yeah. I think Masoka would have let everyone know about his, not vision, but hearing a monitor. And now he kind of has this air about him where he feels like he's the hand of a monitor. Oh wow. Yeah. And so he's definitely like, "I'm doing important things now." I picture your mannerisms changing and the way you carry yourself. Is there a bit of an air about Masoka now? It's like when Star-Lord Imitates Thor. [laughter] Oh, that's awesome. Okay. I wish you were doing that in the old voice. I'm not gonna lie. [laughter] "Hey, booze, smoke. It'll come back." [laughter] We just gotta wait a few years, that's all.

Yeah. Well, you know what I need from one of you guys, right? Mmm. Yeah. What about that other one that we haven't... Can you address the first d20 that we rolled five sessions ago? It's out in the world, but don't worry about that. [laughter] One day. Yeah, things move around. But I think you're right. Michael did say that this new dice color... [laughter] ...is looking great, so let's put it to the test. Alright, let's do this. Yeah. That's a nine. That's not bad. Nine's fine. That's better than a three. [laughter] So there's a nine riding a three coming right at you.

Oh, God. [laughter] So I would imagine you guys, you're bedding down for the night, you got your campfire going, it's a little harder. When you're on the road and you're walking, it's a little easier to kind of not talk so much because you got the road. When you're all sitting around a campfire, it's a little tougher to... I guess you feel the silence a bit more. So you got the crackling fire going, it's a very cool night, and if there's anything you guys want to talk about, feel free. Go nuts. We did the exposition dump so you don't have to re-download things over and over again.

That being said, actually, how much does the rest of the party know about the whole demon summoning and all that? Was that discussed? Was that... Because, I mean, Ubo was feeling quite a bit of shame, and I don't feel like that's something he was breaking out the door to actually tell everybody. I'm trying to remember, did Clarissa kind of go over it? There was a confrontation, but most of that was Alexandra, Mattie, Clarissa, and Ubo. I don't remember the rest of the party being super pretty to the conversation, or at least not all of it. I mean, Ubo's not really mega...

He's not volunteering anything, and he's actually taking his sleeping position kind of far away from the fire and into the shadows, away from the party. And yeah, he's not volunteering anything, but if you come to him, you'll... If you come to him, see what happens. So we probably know that there was some blood magic stuff, but not exactly what happened. It's like, okay, something big went down, because nobody's talking. You're missing some details. I mean, the majority of you guys know that you were talking about how to handle this Amvin situation, and then Amvin just comes strutting through the door, so you know something.

Yeah, I think Donovan wants to avoid thinking about it too much or probing people too much, so he'd probably ask Mattie if she wants to resume her weapon training. For sure. Mattie's trying to get stuff. So he'd probably be doing back in the back. Mattie and Mattie throughout the day would have been like mother hen to Donovan, Misoka, and Amvin. Like, are you okay? Do you need anything? Are you tired? The whole day. Has Misoka recovered from his resurrection, or is he still exhausted? He's still shaking it off. He's still a little sore. Yeah. He got a couple more days before he's tiptopped.

Before we do bed down, I will do the alarm spell. It's like Silverthread goes around the camp when everyone's actually laying down, not walking away. But before we actually crash, I'll do that to make sure there's some kind of safety net, now that I'm even more, I guess, paranoid of going to sleep and not waking up. Well, I mean, hey, you got a right to be. So when that happens, I'll go around and you'll see me put up a wire and say, hey, don't just be aware. I need to go to the restroom and take this bath. Otherwise you're going to wake me up. And I don't want to shoot us in the foot.

Maybe Aster and I would be like, let's let everyone else sleep and we'll both take one watch. Yeah, that would be fine. OK, that's not going to shoot you in the foot. I don't see what could possibly go wrong. I'm going to on-farm him right now. Is that just a threat now? On that note, in case something goes wrong, what does this new armor do for me? Well, I'm glad you asked. So first of all, is that in your inventory or is it something that's just sitting around? I don't think we put it in your inventory. I know, I don't think we've done it. Well, let's do that.

All right. Was that in? No, where is it? Gotcha. You actually don't get anything. It's invisible. That tickled me. So Masoko just walking around naked. It's like the emporer's fault, right? It's an emporer's no-close situation. Here's a gift. No, we discussed this last time. You wear yoga pants underneath your armor. I actually call them roga pants. I'm unfollowing you. There you go. All right, let's put that on you and take off your leather. So one that's going to give you a plus one to your AC. Now, there's also this, okay, it's incredibly lightweight. If you put this on, it's this impossibly dark fabric, right?

And you feel like you are invisible while you're wearing it. Like you just feel like if you could just blend into the night. And there's this hood that comes up over it. And it's a big billowy hood. And if you were playing around with it, it's like, "Ooh, this is a good fit." And you pull it up. You can see crystal clear in the darkness. Oh, yeah. Your eyes are going to have this red tint to them when you do that. Like this is some, yeah. And then I stand alone is going to start playing every time you walk into a room. You better throw that in there. Hell yeah.

You are also going to feel this warmth. Like there's a chill in the night air, like I said. But if you put that hood up, you're just going to feel like it's all room temperature. It's very, it's perfect. Oh, this is awesome. Yeah. It's a very loud piece of armor. Like, okay, it's perfect for nighttime dwelling and stuff like that. But if you're just walking around town during the day, it's going to get some attention. Like it's like, "Wow, emo boy." Like that's... It's like you're walking down the street and they're like, "Why is he a ninja cosplay?" Also, I'm calling it right now.

He keeps pelvic thrusting and dancing. I'm calling it right now, this armor is possessed in a terrible way. It's going to slowly corrupt you. There's no armor that gives you cosmetic red eyes for no reason. My linked monitor will cancel it out, so it's fine. Oh God. Okay, well. So that's that. Make sure you hit the equipped icon next to it, James. Got it. Already got it. Oh, crap. He is all set. What's the alarm sound like if it were to go off? No reason. Just asking. It says there's a bell on it, but I would say stand by me. Is that the polar opposite of I stand alone?

Oh my God. Yes. So I was just thinking every time you said it. Oh, that's good. You have to fight the Dehaka with a lager film. That's amazing. Let's see. It'd be like a loud. Yeah. What if it sounds like a flock of birds taking off? Like, you know, when birds scatter, it's just like tons of coins. Like if you spook geese in the park. Yeah, yeah. Or it's lightning strike. It sounds good. Oh, yeah. It should be the or even like a thunder. Yeah, I like that. That totally fits. So you want to poop yourself if this goes off? I live in that world. Okay. I'm just saying the last boomy explosion sound killed you.

So I didn't know if that was like a PTSD thing. It's different, Jason. You wouldn't know. Now it's the only way he feels alive. Oh, God. I'm an adrenaline junkie now. No, if anything, the fire explosion reminds me of college, and I'd rather it not be fire. I thought you were talking about like you, Michael. And I'm like, what the hell happened in here? No, we're going to back story. Okay, yes. Okay. No, my college experience is not that exciting. Briefest side story in college, I had like floor mates who needed to move out of their dorm and didn't have room in their vehicle to haul their couch.

So they just hold it out in front of the dorm, soaked in lighter fluid on fire. Why? Campus safety just had to let it burn down because, yeah. So, Jesus, you couldn't just say, does someone want a couch? They needed an immediate solution, I guess. Man. That took hours to burn. A very immediate solution. Well, they didn't stick around. Who doesn't need free couches like college students? Right. Yeah, that's just cruel. I still have a table that I inherited in college from people moving out. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. Sorry. Side Trek. Well, now I want to tell the story of the wildest frat, Numenero.

Next, living etheria. That's it, yeah. Robot house! Doing magic and shit. So, nothing's going to happen. You guys are going to sleep to the night. That's great. Hitting the road the next day, the 18th of Ferri. Again, you are about five days outside the lovely little town of Duran Hollow. Partway through the day. And it's a little overcast today. It's got a nice breeze through it. You can probably guess that summer's creeping in. It's definitely, we've shaken off the really cold, nasty weather. And we're well into spring now. But the road's going to narrow quite a bit.

And on either side of it, there's just muddy trenches. Where it's been raining and there's just really poor drainage in this area. So if you were to go off-road, it would be a mess. Now it looks like a group of individuals are taking advantage of the situation. And there is a very interesting cadre of people up ahead. Including a few minotaur. And this very short individual looks like a gnome. But completely coated in armor. Like big thick plate armor. Looks like a little toaster walking around. And if you were to approach this narrow portion of road, they are clearly taking up a big old chunk of it.

They are in your way. And purposefully, it looks like. And the little gnome is going to try and wave you down. I guess there's no choice but to stop the cart. Are they the same minotaurs we passed a few days back? Going back to Aubrey? Do me a favor, roll Perception. Oh yes. Oh yes. Just, oh yes, there we go. Holy god. These look like the same minotaur. Was the gnome with them? No. Huh. They were with a human, if I recall correctly. Yeah, a couple of humans. A couple of humans, okay. It's been a few months. It's been a while. Again, what with the death and all. That was the more pressing.

Yeah, Donovan, I assume, was driving the cart then. Pulls it up to a stop. Looks around at the party like, "Ugh, sorry, there's no other choice." What are you gentlemen doing in the middle of the road, if I may ask? So, this little gnome is going to flip up the visor on his helmet. And it's going to make this ungodly, it sounds like a rusty gate. Swinging over, it just, "Ahh!" Howdy. And he's going to lean on the cart a bit. We're trying to raise funds for an expedition to Odysseia. My large furry friends here are looking for a new home and, well, it just sounds like a perfect place for their people.

Any money you could give us to help fund this expedition would be incredibly appreciated. Donovan will toss the gold and he'll say, "Didn't I see you guys a couple days back leaving Aubrey?" And he looks down at the gnome, "And you weren't there." Ah, well, my friends have been in the area for a while, trying to find donors. And he's going to look at the coin you tossed him. Friend, I don't think you understand how expensive a trip like this is. It's, uh... I'm sorry, I thought you said any money would help. Well, it does, but more would help more. I know.

We're on the same boat. Surely you can understand that we're talking about an entire people here. The betterment of all Minotaur kind. Like he looks around at the party, visibly annoyed. How are you going to better the Minotaur when there's a giant black dragon currently inhabiting said city that they want to go to? And he's going to point at Mattie. Ah, that is a fantastic question. We don't believe in it. Oh, and she'll look to the rest of the group. Okay. I think Ammit's literally going to laugh and say that, like, having experienced said dragons, or at least hearing said dragon from our previous run.

We, we believe that this is completely fabricated news. We believe it's designed to keep people out of the city from claiming it that could actually use it. Do you have any idea about the plight of the Minotaur? And he's almost okay. That sentence almost came up with came off as Have you heard the good word? Like it's very close. Yeah, at this point, Astor's I the other party members like, can we just like go like, why are we? Yeah, we Yeah, he's gonna know that Astor. All right. Yeah, we've heard about in Winter Haven, they sent us this way to they explained the situation a little bit up there in Spire something.

Thunder Spire it's yes, this terrible makeshift leaning tower. It's not fit for their people at all. And they their original home had been taken from them. It's it's a very sad tale. Yeah, we've got Do the minute are look like they're in on this do they look like they don't understand him? Like what what kind of body language of the minute are sending threatening? Um, they don't. Okay, this is very much the public face of this little group that there looked to be two archers standing back at the three minutes or are Well armored and angry looking like if you guys are giving each other glances like, Oh God, this is this is bullshit.

They're doing the same thing with their party like this isn't working. I'm getting fed up. I'm going to stand up assumed I was sitting in the cart and look at a little guy and are you blocking our paths or are we free to continue? And I hope all very well to you will reach the land and let the minute or have what they want. Trying very hard to be diplomatic, even though in the back of my head like, Good luck. Right. Putting on the face to as he is, you noted the minute or in the background, like, I'd rather not us get into a fight. And we're gonna go on after a DCA.

That's a fight. They're already gonna get taken care of. Right. Now, think of it as, well, I don't want to use the word toll, but you'd be well taken care of in the knowledge that you're helping us further our mission. And it sounds like you already have a paying gig from the city, no less. That's a government job. How many minutes are there? Three. Three minutes or two humans, one gnome. And the humans are the archer standing further back. Yep. I will turn around and look and give glances to everyone here. Ubo Ubo tires of this. I think we're all like, this is the okay, they're approaching you at the worst possible.

Ubo so Ubo stretches out kind of cracks his neck back and forth and moves to the front. Bustle meat muscle. Yeah. And he says, you will move. Or I will kill all of you. Oh, and I have been waiting a long time to kill something. Okay, well, we're skipping past diplomacy. Let's. I feel like that. That might be intimidation. I feel like it. I don't know. Yeah, I got a little of that. Yeah, I don't have a ton, but. Oh, that's. Oh, but it's enough. Oh, that's beautiful. So scary. This gnome. Oh my God. Okay. Like, in Ubo's head, he's thinking about a showed restraint with the vampires in the city.

I, I, the cart was a total bust, right? Like, there's just, it's been building up, right? I need to do violence and have it make my life better. And you're relatively sure none of these people are going to explode. I'm pretty sure none of them are a carriage, right? I waited this long to double check, you know, I was like, Right. This, this gnome is going to back up abruptly. First of all, if you, if you move to the front and you're cracking your neck and shit, it's like, okay, no one does that to talk. So he's going to take a step back. And then at the threat of murder, he's going to take several large steps back.

So much so that he's going to back into one of his Minotaur allies. And this little gnome, his name is Eric. Eric is going to put up his hands. Sir, there's no need to threaten violence. We were just trying to raise funds. The Minotaur is going to palm this gnome's head like a basketball. And lift him up and set him to his right. This Minotaur gripping his great axe is going to step forward to Ugo. Money. Now. Let me consult my spell list. Do that thing you did to us. It was pretty effective. Zing! All right. Jason, can you, can you throw some minis out for me so I can, I can trace a path?

You know what? I'll be happy to. Give me just a moment. That might help. Yeah. I'll set up a beautiful new map for you. Like during the exchange, as Ugo starts talking and the other Minotaur starts talking smack back, Donovan just like, just nonchalantly picks up his shield and like starts to just... Yeah, like limber up a little bit. Yeah, exactly. Like placing his belt back, like getting ready for combat. That's coming. I got to imagine that like you guys, it's one of those things where you just smell it in the air. It's like, oh, okay, come on. Yeah. And it's like, spend this kind of week.

Remind me, Jason, how, how much penalty I get for rolls at this point? It's been two days. Has it been three days? It's been two. So both you and Masaoka get a negative two to everything. I guess I'll make sure to stretch. Yeah. Just limber up. Hey, I gave you, hold on a second. I gave you a long rest and Ugo is still hurt. So that won't do. These scars won't heal. These colors don't run. All right. Let me. Oh, boy. I forgot to ask what happened to the other people. Okay. I look healed here. I look. Yeah, you're good now. I'm just dragon minis. Just looking at the HP and then they have been.

It's no worry about me. And then go all the way to the back, even further than this. How do I have a sniper? I'm going to run my ass. I'm going to share it in just a moment. Oh, okay. I thought everybody was seeing it. No, no, no, no. So, so, uh, and Esther was up front has been established. Amphen is 80 feet behind the party. He jumped off the cart and ran away. Yeah, come get me. Yeah. Where's the map? I haven't shared it yet. But Jason, where's the map? Can I do a roll to see if he looks like he's there against his will? Who? The minotaur? The gnome. Oh, the gnome?

It seems like he's extorting them. Oh, God, these minotaurs are big. I forgot how big they are. Because, you know, minotaur. All right. Just to make sure, you said his name was Eric, but the guy who had Artemis make the armor was also named Eric, but he was a dwarf, right? He's not the same guy? No. Okay. That might not even be his name. That's true. The plot thickens. I thought you just had run out of name ideas. Yep, just everyone's Eric now. That lady over there? Eric? I think it's just fresh meat. Oh, I see the minotaur now. Oh, they are big. You're welcome for the nine.

That's decent. I told you guys you're close to leveling up, too. Oh, we gotta kill some minotaur. I thought someone else died, so I didn't know we had to go back to Aubrey. Oh, I think you're out of favors in Aubrey, I think. I don't know. One of us talks to a monitor now, so... So when everybody gets that map... Oh, oh. What? What? I see a map. Yay! Okay. I think Rob called that he's gonna do something. Yeah, yeah. So he walks up to me and he just says money. Money now. Yes. Very elegant person before. Ubo... That's the sound of a person who's very pleased with their plan.

No, I've been sitting here working on a one-liner and I'm just trying to figure out how to deliver right, you know? Alright. So, yeah. So he says that to Ubo and Ubo responds, "No one demands of the mountain." And he spreads his arms wide and collapse in front of himself and casts Lightning Bolt straight through Minotaur 1, 2, Eric, and Archer 2. Oh, goodness. Yeah, I can get four of them. Nice. Oh, goodness. You had the same plan I did. Yeah! They lined up. They lined up. Lightning Brothers! Do anything. It's about to get zesty. That's gotta be Ubo's new catchphrase.

It's about to get... That's his "It's Clomrid" line. "Taste the mountain and the flavor of the mountain is cool ranch." That's canon now. So I've targeted these four dudes and I'm just gonna hit that roll button and see what fate holds. We're gonna get a lot of saves. Oh, or not. Hold on. Okay. Doesn't it make them save all at the same time? Yes. They all fail. Every single one of them fails. I'm not shocked that the Minotaurs failed. You're not shocked? Unfollow. No, you don't unfollow him. You go into that list function and you make a list called "hate follows" and then you move on to it.

Oh, no. Okay, so this... I'm gonna say the canon is the reason this worked so well for Ubo is that this is how he's processing his grief. Yes. Okay, so I hit this damage button and they take whatever that is. Jesus, Zeus. Calm down. That feels good. That started off well. Yeah, everybody roll initiative. Everybody right now. The rod redeemed. Oh my gosh. I just put what? 28 times 4 is 112 damage on the table. Yeah, that's more than the cards. Very good. I love that it's exactly double my health. Yup, classic. I'll just be here in the cart. That's because Donovan's so chill.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. Should I be closer to Ubo since I'm driving the cart? You wanna switch with Matty? Yeah. Okay. I gotta update my log here of what's going on in this adventure. And then Ubo cut loose a bitchin' lightning bolt what like you'd see painted on the side of a cool van. Oh my god. Let's get this party started with Masoka. Nice. I finally had a good initiative roll. It's like the old days. Masoka's gonna stand up in the cart and just say, "Your aggression is pointless. The monitor guides us." And he is going to do a little trot to the side of the cart, jump, and come down on Minotaur 1 with his dagger.

Okay. Let's see if that works. Don't forget the negative 2. Is it already in there? Nope. I gotta modify. Yeah. Alright. There's a handy negative 2 button there. There is a handy negative 2. It's like they knew. Negative 2. Oh! That's a negative miss. That's not great. Well. Where were you positioned? I don't know how flanking rules work with the big Minotaurs guys. Oh! Okay. You're attacking the one right in front of Ubo? Yeah. Take another swing. Right. Okay. I got advantage. So that'd be you up here. There you go. That's better. Oh yeah. Even with a negative 2. It's been so long since we've gotten to a fight.

I was like, "I don't remember how that works, but I think there's..." The more of you touching somebody, the better, basically. I mean, you can only get an inch. You know what I mean. Don't forget your sneak attack, dice. That's what I exactly am looking at. I believe it's 3d6 now? It is 3d6, you're right. Okay. Well, should I do damage first? Roll the 3d6 and just add that as a modifier to your damage. Okay. Okay, so that's 10 extra damage to... Plus 10 to this. 16 damage. Very nice. So I imagine you leaping off this cart and just thunk right in his chest. Yeah.

Both daggers out. And... Can I move back? Oh no, I can't because I did the sneak attack. No, I mean, you get to basically freely disengage. Okay. I will do that. And push. And now I move away. Yes, no. I'm done. All right. Hey, Aster, you're up. Yeah. Wow, since you guys fought. Okay, cool. So if I'm attacking at range on that minotaur, do I get advantage? You sure do. Okay. I'm just going to go ahead and move a little bit away and then, yeah, to hit the advantage button. Ah, beautiful. 23 will hit. Nice. So then I'm going to do the same thing with the sneak attack damage.

Mine's just 1d6, but still something. Well, that's a one. There we go. Oh! Well, that was sad, but... Aww. Okay. You're rusty. You got to warm up, that's all. They have small eyes. It's a hard team. Oh my God. Archer. Let's see. Archer number one. All right. Good Lord. That deteriorated very quickly. All right. So, I'm going to... Okay. First of all, this archer is going to move over here because people are just whipping lightning bolts out and shit. So, that's first thing. Secondly, archer number one is going to aim at Ubo because, again, lightning bolts and stuff, and make two longbow attacks.

I got an answer for that next round. Don't worry. Oh no. Level three spells are nothing to joke about, man. Oh, I get advantage. Yeah. You're right. I never get advantage. Oh, that's fine. Both missed. Jeez. So, advantage one more time. Okay, that one will hit. So, he's going to use archer's eye and add a d10 to this. Oh, well. Okay. Well. Big one. That makes it feel a bit better. See? Yeah. It's just a bad arching day. That's what it is. Oh, come on. This is great. That's actually very good. Making Ubo look really sturdy. Yeah. Is this bad arrow weather? Is that what's going on?

Yeah, baby. He's like windy or something. It's a lot of moisture in the air. So, that's six damage to Ubo. And in just disgraced, this archer will just go, "Oh," and look down. Slink away. Yeah. Well, let's see. Well, okay. Minotaur number two is going to step to the side, lower his head. Uh-oh. And sprint towards Masoka. And it's going to try to gore him. Oh, nice. Now, the good news is there's no advantage. The bad news is if it hits, baby. Can I do a reaction? Maybe. I got to make sure this is... Oh, never mind. It's just me. Shoot. Oh, no shield? Yes. Yeah. Well, he's going to try to gore Masoka.

Target Masoka. Let's do it. 12 will miss. Oh, that would have been... That just would have been terrible. So, yeah, he's going to miss, I imagine, just Masoka just tucking to the side or something like that, right in between his horns. The clouds part, the sun shines on Masoka. High five. Oh, my god. Archer number two is going to move, because lightning. And, jeez, target, I guess, Masoka. Sure, why not? Will get advantage. So, first, longbow attack. Wow. Will miss. With advantage, jeez. Second longbow attack to Masoka. Okay, that hits, but barely. Barely. Just, he matched.

Yeah, he's going to use Archer's Eye, and... Wow. Add a big one from that D10. You're just fueling the fire that is Masoka's belief that he is being protected by a monitor. Yeah, dude, this is like that scene in Pulp Fiction where all the bullets just came out. Doesn't make any sense. Well, that's 8 damage. Wow. Okay, Anven, I give up. Don't forget, I'm like the king of low rolls. Not with the emo dice. That's true. Let's see, let's see. Now I know not to get too close. Unfortunately, I can't go too far, I'm off the map. Let's see. Each square is five foot, right?

Yep. Ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty. Oh, I thought you were advancing towards them. Oh, heck no. I'm going to gore the Minotaur. And the Minotaur wears you as an earring. Now that's... I think I'm in line for all of these guys. Oh yeah, that looks good. Oh, that looks good. You're lining up a pull shot right now. Lightning bolt. There we go. Oh, okay, okay. Minotaur number one is going to fail, and archer number one is going to fail. Everybody else succeeds. Yep. Do I have to untarget that? Yes. Okay. It didn't auto for some reason, so... Minotaur number one and archer number one.

Is it half damage on save? Check. I don't think so. Let me check. Oh yeah, half damage on success. Okay. So I'm going to assume, I'm going to hit the damage button, and I hope it does half. Maybe that's why it didn't go over. Maybe, let's see. Yeah, you should. The table is pretty sick. Alright. Yeah, look, it did it. It did, yay! Okay, that is going to kill Minotaur number one, because this poor Minotaur has taken so, so much of a beating. He didn't even get a turn, guys. He's the one talking the biggest shit, and didn't even get a turn. I did the same exact damage as...

Oh yeah. You did! Okay, something hinky's going on with this table, guys. When you get 8d6 going on, it's like the law of averages sinks pretty heavily toward the middle. Yeah, right. That's a hell of a lot of d6s. Alright. So I imagine that he comes around and goes, "Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted to do, so I'm going to go." And then puts his arms up and, not in the same way Ubedo's, but his is like, like, his flurry flushes it forward and then like the lightning just streams through and the one guy jumps out of the way, this guy not even realizes like, "Oh, someone else can do it." And then keeps on going through and eyes that have like lightning bolts usually through just back to normal and looks still annoyed at this group.

And we'll call that my turn. Alright, Maddie, you are up. Okay, I just want to make sure something before I do it. Spiritual weapon, it says I create a floating spectral weapon within range and then when you cast a spell, you can make a melee attack. So that's not, that's just all in my bonus action, right? It doesn't say you have to take an action to attack. Say that again? It says you create a floating spectral weapon. When you cast a spell, you make a melee spell attack against the creature. Yes, exactly. Yeah, that comes with it. It comes all packed in.

Okay, well then I'm going to put it, I can't, pointer. I'll put it, oh God, there. What is your spiritual weapon? Okay, so a floating spectral war hammer appears that looks a lot like the one that Donovan gifted Maddie with and swings down on this Minotaur. And let's see if she's been practicing enough with this weapon. Nope. Wow. No. Well, it lives there now though. It just makes camp. It pays rent. It just lives next to that Minotaur. And that was a bonus action. So now I'm going to run up on it and attack it myself and she'll break out her mace since she knows how to use that one and attack.

Nope. Wow. You have advantage. You do have advantage because of Misoka. Nope. Oh, that's worse. Okay, yeah, no. That's not, I'm sorry. I'm not rolling anymore. That's how I felt. She'll look back to Donovan and go, "I need to practice more." And then that's the end of her turn. Donovan's just going to bite his lip and nod yes. Oh boy. Ubo! The Minotaur in front of you has just keeled over. Dead. Too much lightning. Yeah, yeah. So two lightnings is too many. Yep. One lightning just right. Debatable, but sure. That's what we're going with. Well, Ubo did have a plan, but now everybody's spread out and he can't get value for his AOEs.

So he's gonna, you know what? You know what's like a power move, right? It's like pulling enemies closer to you. You know what I'm saying? Like that means like, not only am I not afraid of this fight, I can fight it. You know what I'm saying? So, he's going to do Thorn Whip. I'm sorry, Thorn Whip. Let's see. Wait, say Whip. Thorn Whip. Say Cool Whip. Cool Whip. Okay, it'll range 30 feet. Okay, so I'm going to target Minotaur 3. And, oh cool. Okay, fifth level casters, our cantrips have gone up in damage. That's fun. I'm going to roll the attack roll. And it's going to go kind of bad.

That's not great. That's going to miss. Okay. Well, then the rest of this is kind of moot. Yeah, so I flash the Thorn Whip out and it does not hit or drag him toward me. So, no, but I'll do it. It makes that awesome cracking sound. Yeah, yeah. But Ubo stands there and looks like, "Come on, I dare you," kind of thing. And that ends his turn. I feel like this minotaur has this cone of being unable to be touched. Yeah, he's making it okay. He's a survivor. Donovan. Cool. Donovan will make one step and go next to Ubo and stand shoulder to shoulder with him. And kind of gives him a look like, "Yeah, let's do this.

You and I, man." And just after that, he will glance at the minotaur that's fighting with Mattie and Masoka. And he'll yell, "Aster, take a shot now!" At Masoka's target. And I'm going to use the attack action because I got two attacks now. So for my first attack, I'm going to use Commander Strike to let an ally do a weapon attack. So you can use your reaction to just attack him with advantage and your sneak attack. And you add a d8 to your damage. Nice. You got this. Oh, jeez, 25 will definitely hit. Okay, so first sneak attack damage, then a d8, you said?

Yeah, that's for my superiority. Oh, wow, this is way better already. That's an extra 10. 16 damage to minotaur number two. I'll take it. And for my second attack, I'm going to target minotaur three. And I will throw a small axe at him. There we go. Minus two, right? And he'll yell at him, "I'm here too!" And I'll use Goating Attack on my second attack. So let's just use hand hacks. Swip! 22 will hit. Cool. So I'm going to add d8 to my attack, and he needs to roll a DC, I want to say 16, wisdom save. Otherwise he will have disadvantage on attacks on anyone other than me.

Oh my god, wait, okay, jeez, a 16? Maneuver, save, DC 16, yup. Woof, okay. Save or check? I forget. Save, wisdom save. Okay, let's do it. Oh! Oh, that's a good wisdom save, minotaur man. [laughter] So he can attack Ubo if he wants. But I will do my damage onto him. Yeah, let's do it. Plus that d8 value here, that's going to be, oh, plus eight! Oh, that's max! So let's roll damage. 14, jeez. This guy, like I said, is like untouchable. He has a high resistance to dice. Yeah. He's just very willful, it seems. He's favored, he's blessed by a manator. As our wheel. The light shines upon us all, guys.

Okay, I'm done. I have a bunch of these saved up in Maddie's queue. And that's the end of my turn, and he takes his pickaxe in his hand. Oh boy. Oh, okay, well, Eric. Well, Eric's in a spot. You know what? Eric's going to move forward. He is going. He's going to move right here, right on the side of Masoka. He's going in, he's protecting his buddy. Okay. Yep, he's in it to win it, man. So he's got this sword that's way too big for him. And he's almost going to twirl around with it and attack Masoka twice. Oh, I get advantage. Oh, that's worse. All right, well, once more.

Oh, oh, that's a crit. Oh my. Let's roll that crit damage first. So that's 19 damage. What the fuck? How is this guy hurting me? He's got a big old sword. Yeah. Did that roll on the table? Yes. Well, what the fuck? What? What the fuck? Well, I mean, that's a great argument, but I don't know. So, 19 damage. That rolls on the crit table. Strike now. Any allies adjacent to... Get advantage on attacks against... Well, they would automatically get advantage, but yeah. But yeah, that's going to be the end of his turn. That's the end of Eric's turn. Go Eric. Well, I didn't expect that much.

The trained archers can't hit anything with their arrows, but this guy... Minotaur 3 is going to lower his head and just run. He's going to run his ass off toward Ubo. And let's see if this hits. 17 will hit Ubo. Yeah. Okay, so... Donovan, since you're adjacent, do you have your shield thing? No, that's not my thing. Oh, yeah. Dang it. So we're going to add 2d8 to this goring attack. So... it's only 6. That's not bad. 6 to this gore. So 16 damage. And you need to roll a Strength saving throw. Looking for 14 or higher. Okay, I've got a chance. Yeah, that's your...

No, I miss. Oh, no. Let's see... You're going to be pushed up to 10 feet away and knocked prone. Eh, gets me out of the way. That's okay. Yeah, you know what? Could have been worse. Honestly, yeah. He did you a favor. Oh, I guess for his second attack he's going to target Donovan and probably miss. Because I think Donovan's AC is like 83. Yes. So... great axe swing. Wow. Yeah, not even close. Guess what, Riposte. I'm going to use my reaction. So... warpic. Here we go. Oh, minus 2. Warpic. Here we go. Oh. Wow. That's a gnar. Okay. There's a lot of wild swings in this fight.

Geez, that will take us back to Masoka. I'm guessing still outraged. Yeah, okay. I don't need advantage if my target is within 5 feet for sneak attack. Okay. So... I don't know where Masoka got hit, but he's going to look down to wherever he's bleeding from and just be like, "What the fuck?" And, uh... He's going to look at Eric, like with this seriously kind of look, and whatever openings Eric's got in his armor, that's where his daggers are going. So his face... Yeah, where the eyes are. And if that hits... well, whether that hits or misses, one's going up under his armpit or wherever there's an opening.

Oh no. If you wanted to sneak, like you said though, you couldn't do it on Eric, because Mattie's only close to the Minotaur. But if you don't care, you can still attack him because you're pissed. You don't need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within 5 feet of it. If an ally of yours is also adjacent. Yeah, if Mattie were down one, then that would be yeah. Now if you wanted to swing on the Minotaur, you could totally swing on the Minotaur with sneak attack. And advantage. Nast. Yeah, you know what, he wouldn't. He's too pissed.

That makes sense. I appreciate you. Okay, he's taking the one... He's just going to grab the back of his head and try to push that dagger right through his eye socket. Oh my god. Yeah. He was just trying to raise money for the Minotaur. He's just a fucking asshole, that's what he is. I guess I'm still at -2, right? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Masoko's going to have his old voice back at the end of this fight. Yeah, okay, that'll hit him. That's... wow. Oh, max damage! That's 8. And he has only one eye now? I... let's... [laughter] I feel like if you stabbed him point blank in the eye, he'd have bigger problems than losing the eye.

I feel like that's... You just go hilt deep into his skull. Let's say you cut his face up. He ain't pretty no more. Okay, but I thought he had the visor, right? So where's the blade going? I mean, let's say... I'll leave it up to you. Well, okay. Let's say you cut the bridge of his nose real bad and it just slips under his eye. Like, not into his eye, but it's like he's bleeding quite profusely. So he's scalloped on the center of his forehead. Basically it went in and up? In and down, like under. In and down? Yeah. Okay. Take damage, dude. [laughter] So he's blind and his kids are fatherless now, right?

I want him to regret what he did. That's the point here. Well... [laughter] I think he lost a friend. [laughter] Aster! Oh, you stay there? Oh, do you stay there? 'Cause Donovan would yell, "Mesoka, get the hell out of there!" [laughter] I guess I could use my Cunning Action. Oh yeah, you can get out of there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You haven't moved at all this turn. I'll Disengage. Okay. How many can I move with Cunning Action? I think it's your whole movement speech. Yep. I think, yeah. That's you being all roguish. But he's not... Yeah, 'cause you're basically using the Cunning Action to disengage and then you have your whole move left.

Yeah, okay. But he's not abandoning, so I'm just gonna go here. Go ahead. [laughter] Stuck in behind that. In between the two healers. That's smart. Yeah. So, Eric would definitely be bleeding, but he'd have a look in his face like, "Yeah, you better run, bitch." Like, he's gonna be flexing a little bit. Like, he's... I don't want James to actually be pissed off. That's fine. [laughter] Okay. [laughter] Aster! Yeah, Aster's gonna take aim at this Minotaur again, 'cause they're actually pretty successful with that one hit. So let's see... I can... Oh, yeah, that'll be...

Nice! Yeah, yeah, yeah. 26. And... I had another one! Ah, classic Archers. [laughter] And... Two... Yep. What a three! Okay, that's a seven total. Yeah. It's something. Yeah. Okay. That's not... nothing. Okay, cool. Do you want to move or anything? I'm debating. Ah... No, I just don't really need to move, I don't think. Yeah, that's it. Alrighty. Archer number one. Good lord. Archer number one is going to take aim at... Mattie. Alright. And... He'd have advantage, yay! Okay. Pa-pow! 21 will hit. I guess so, whatever. Eight damage to Mattie. And he is going to take aim at Ubo. And that'll hit.

Mmm. And he's going to use Archer's Eye. Gets three of those a day, so that's four damage added on to... 16! That'll knock Ubo out! Yike! Oof. Minotaur number two. Wow, the Archers are actually earning their keep. Minotaur number two is, uh, I guess, you know what? Gonna take a couple swings at Mattie. Well, before that, disadvantage, because... warding flare. Okay. Is that like pocket sand for... Yes. Before he hits, this flame, this like, very bright flame, like, wraps itself around Mattie and kind of like blinds him a little bit, it gives him disadvantage.

Ooh. For both attacks or just the one? They get disadvantage on the attack roll. So I guess one. The first one. And I can only use that once per round, so. That makes sense. So, Mattie, you're going to take a little bit of damage. I'm going to take a little bit of damage on the attack roll. 22 damage to Mattie. They don't hit often, but when they do... Archer number two, I guess, is going to target Mattie. Alright. I'm sorry. I swear this isn't about the Twitter thing. That was just jokes. Uh-huh. And that will do... okay, that's a hit. Six damage. And one more to Mattie.

Almost a crit. Oh no, you can't go down. Our healers. He's going to use Archer's Eye, adding six damage to this... to 12. Both healers are down. Ooh, we're boned. There go our healers. Uh-oh. Anyone's got potions left? [laughter] Because I get right into it then, it's okay. I have one. I was going to say, watch us finally process all that grief from three episodes and then to TK. [laughter] Yeah. I love when you can feel the exact moment where it's like, "Oh, this fight just got real." Like everybody starts getting a little, "Okay, Anvin, you are up." Anvin seeing Mattie go down and Ubo go down.

He's like, "No, not again." And he, eyes light up a little lightning, targets all of his favorite people here. And says, "No more. I'm done." They all succeed. Boom. Still get half damage. Four people succeeded on that. Oh my god, that'll kill Eric. That'll kill Minotaur number two. Minotaur number three is still alive and so is Archer one. Oh, I almost deleted Mattie. Sorry, that was... Oh, wow. I wasn't trying to. I just saw zero hit points. Oh my goodness. Very nicely done. Bye-bye, Eric. [laughter] You know what the bitch of it is? Anvin's the one who blinded him.

That lightning bolt came down and took his eye right out. [laughter] Just popped. Like a melon baller. Just like that's how lightning works. And then I'm going to bonus action... Oh wait, no, I can't cast a spell. No, I can't. I'm going to bonus action and Misty Step over to Ubo and Mattie. And that'll be my turn. Very nice. Mattie, do me a favor. Give me a death saving throw. Alrighty. Oof. That's a success. Damn, that's a 17. Ubo, do me a favor. Give me a death saving throw. That was also good. That's a 16. Very nice. You guys want to live. We have to live. Donovan.

He looks at Anvin and he goes, "Time to finish this." Let's. He yells, "Aster!" and he points at Archer 1. Okay. If you want to shoot him. Yeah, no. You kind of want to. I don't get advantage on this one, though. But you do add a d8 if you hit. Well, let's see. Oh, no. That's a 10. That's too bad. And then he will. That's fine. He's going to attack Minotaur 3 with -2. With his War Pick. You got this. 18 will hit. Alright. Do damage to this guy. 8 damage to Minotaur 3. I'm going to use Action Surge to use another Attack Action. So I can attack twice again. And I'm out of Superiority dice, so I'm just going to attack that guy.

That fool. Oh, that's going to miss. Yeah, that's fine. And again. That's going to miss harder. Well, I'll just stand in the way of the injured. Good. That's noble. And yeah, that goes off to the end of my turn. Okay. We don't have to let everyone experience death. This isn't a club that we're in. Man, just think about how much the next resurrections will cost us. Feed this child into the wood chipper to bring back Ubo. Let's go, Timmy. Come on. Okay. Oh boy. This Minotaur is furious. Two of his friends are dead, and it's just been a bad day. Apparently you guys are in a hurricane.

That's the only way all these arrows missing. Makes sense? So he's going to get reckless. So all of his attacks have advantage, but all attacks against him now have advantage too. Until the start of its next turn. So he's losing out in this scenario, muchly. But he is going to target Donovan, and he is going to swing his great axe. And wow, a 19 misses. Wow. Alright. That's all you've got? I like the high. Oh yeah? Here we go. Second attack. 22 will hit. 25 damage to Donovan. Ooh. Ooh baby. Misoka. This fight's getting hairy now. To give a potion, is that a term? Is that an action?

Pretty much, yeah. If you're stopping to pour it in Maddie's mouth, or Ubo's mouth, I shouldn't assume. Well, one of them killed me, one of them didn't. Wow. Okay, okay, we get it. But does Misoka give me true love's first kiss here? Or does she lose the potion? That's what you get. You want to taste the zest? He'll give Ubo kind of like a "I'm sorry" kind of look, and he's going to kneel down, I guess, and cradle Maddie's head and be like, "This is the kind of stuff that makes us stronger, right?" Glug, glug, glug. Yeah, and he'll feed her the potion. I believe that is just a standard healing potion.

Let me check that inventory. This potion of healing. Yep, so give me 2d4 plus 2. Make it good. Yay! 5. Could be worse. Yeah. It gets her up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So... Why did I laugh like that? That's sinister. That's unnecessary. Why do you want to kill me, Jason? I don't! I don't any more than usual, I promise. Which is a lot, all the time. I keep getting those letters in the mail. Oh my god. Oh, you got them. Good. Any bonus actions? Anything like that, sir? No, I don't think there's really anything I can do. Alright. Hey, Aster. Okay, let's see if we can take this mentor down.

You got this. Okay. You get advantage. Yeah. 18 will just hit! Nice. 4. 4 is sneak attack damage. That is 13 damage to the mentor. I almost said, okay, I'll go ahead and action search. Nice. Yeah, that just... okay. You got this. I want to take this guy out. That's just going to thunk right in his chest. And this one is going to hit as well. 25. Okay. 3 is sneak attack damage. 11 damage to the mentor. He's going to be Rocky! He's Rocky! Not quite enough. Okay. Okay, now we just got to get through the wave of archers. Everything's going to be great, guys. Alright. I think... let's see.

Archer number 1. Okay, they each have one archer's eye left. I think. Archer number 1 is going to target Donovan. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Advantage. Longbow! Almost a crit. Oof. But not a crit. Not a crit. You're right. He's going to use his last archer's eye on this damage. 8. My god. Well, whoops. How do I get that ability? It's better than the sneak attack. Oh, 17 damage. And he's going to do one more. Just one more. 21. And 12 damage to Donovan. Holy shit. Okay. Archer number 2. Ooh, got two HP left. Oh my goodness. Archer number 2 is going to continue to target Matty. Matty's on the ground still.

Oh no. I believe that gives disadvantage. Prone target to Ranger. Oh, what? Yeah. You know what? He's feeling lucky. Yeah. Thank god. Well, that misses. So he's going to target Donovan. Oh no. It's a better idea. 22 will hit. Yeah. Two! Six damage will not hit. Six damage will knock Donovan out. Very good. And then you are up. Come over here and everyone keeps falling down. Quick question. You are the new tank, yes. I'm ready. I've been training my whole life. Does Enhance Ability, where I give temp HP, bring someone back if they're down? No. Think of it as armor for a corpse.

Right. Matty's coming up. She's got this. Yeah. Well, that confidence. You don't have to stand up to heal. No, no. Radiant healing in every direction. Don't worry. I got the plan. Alrighty then. But you don't know that. Well then, I reach into my pack and I pull out my shiny, brand new diamond. Shiny? And I twirl it around and lightning starts sparking around it. And I target Minotaur. Wait, let's see. Three. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Archers are doing more damage. That's why I was like, wait a minute. He's right there though. His big axe is right there. Are you afraid he's going to swing down on you?

Like all of us. No, I mean like the whole little party we're having here. Really close to his axe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Yeah, you know what? Let's just get rid of the threat in front of us. Wow, we're assuming a lot. I was thinking, I'm not going to say it. It's going to hit. Yeah, because people on the ground and if he, yeah, I don't want a chance that someone dies. Well, these archers are still scary. Oh, you'd have an advantage because he's reckless. He's reckless. He's just, he's making mistakes. Alright. And Chromatic Orb. Oh goodness, that'll hit.

We're going to drop that seven, take an 18 for a 24. So, Avid's not fucking around in this battle. That's what I'm, that's what I'm gathering. Oh hell no. Yeah. He's changed. He's different now. A blood magic. I've seen things. Oh, Jesus, that's 19 damage. That will kill the Minotaur. The lightning spurts around, goes into him and he's just burnt to a crisp. Oh no. And then still angry, the lightning fades from his eyes and the crystal, or the diamond as he looks towards the other archer, archer two. Point at him, point at him. And I will literally have the crystal basically palm in my hand and just staring at him with an evil glare as the lightning just arcs around.

Oh boy. Okay. That's not good. Batty. Wait. It says you're unconscious. You're not anymore. No, not anymore. Can I just add a brief aside here? Sure. I was looking back at Ubo's Twitter account and I've just been tweeting about despair and there's a promoted post for Maker's Mark on his timeline now. Which I can't help but feel like is just like. That's targeted advertising. That's targeted advertising for despair. That's amazing. Okay. So Maddy is going to reach up and grab her head and she probably has a headache because she lost a lot of blood and she's just like on the ground and she's gonna go by the light and then inadvertently cast mass healing word on everyone around her and herself.

Like accidentally? Yeah. Oh cool. I like that. I'm gonna say that. Like it's so instinctual. She hurts so much that she just wants to heal. That's fair. 6 health to everyone. That's great because Ubo was gonna have to roll again. He didn't have to. Oh, I'm still at 14. And then she's gonna open her eyes and see, uh, um, see Misoka like cradling her head with a potion bottle to her mouth and then she's gonna look over and see Donovan on the ground but his eyes are starting to blink open. Look over, see Ubo on the ground, his eyes starting to blink open. And Amun just standing pissed off.

Yeah, Amun is now Raiden. And then again, healer instincts are gonna kick in and then Donovan has like an axe wound probably in like his shoulder and like six arrows sticking out of him. Bunch, yeah. So she's gonna reach over, we're both laying on the ground, she's gonna reach over and be like, "Get your ass up!" and then do Cure Wounds. Uh, 11. And then she'll slowly stand up. Anything else? Nope, that's all the actions I got. Edit this out if you want, but Maddy, can you really cast two healing spells in one round? One's a bonus action, one's an action.

Mask healing word is bonus and then Cure Wounds is an action. Okay. Yeah, Mask healing word's good. I just want, yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanna take that heal but I think there's a rule that if you cast a spell as bonus action you can only cast a cantrip as an action after. Seriously? Yeah. Oh, hold on, I think we need to consult the judges. I wanna take it. It already happened. I know. Boo, he did it again. Okay, hold on. I don't even know how to search for that. Um, it's in the Player's Handbook but if I go quick Google. Yeah, I don't have mine down here unfortunately.

I actually think he's right, which also means I shouldn't have misty stepped. Oh, well. But it doesn't matter my spell. I have sniper range so it doesn't matter. Such a finicky rule. That's an interesting, yeah. I think there's a feat to actually get past that. Okay, well then. We'll see if she has that feat. I feel like that's... Yeah, a character can only cast one non-cantrip spell during their turn no matter what actions they have available to them. They can demine that spell with any number of cantrips that they have actions for. Oof. Okay, then take back your 11, Xavier, and I'll attack.

Okay, so. Attack me? Yes, you. That's what you get. Okay, so. Deserve it. Taking a step back, we're just going to, okay. So, Maddie, what else do you want to do? Okay, so she'll inadvertently cast Mass Healing Word, not on purpose. And then stand up slowly, see two people still attacking. And then, how far is Sacred Flame? 60 feet. Then she'll cast Sacred Flame on arch number one. 'Cause that's a cantrip. Oh, he succeeded. Well, she's still dizzy from blood loss. That's good. So she stumbles, tries to cast it, it lands right in front of him, and she holds her head.

Aw. And that's her turn. Ubo, you're back in the game. Yes, I am back in the game. I mean, I don't want to pull a muscle or anything, 'cause I was just making death saves, so we're just going to do a cantrip. Okay. Also, 'cause I just don't really have anything that operates great at this range for single targets that's not a cantrip, so. Yeah, these archers could be a bit of a problem. Yeah, they got some hit points left. Umm, Ubo's gonna stay kind of, you know what? He's gonna stay in the prone position, 'cause that doesn't affect my ranged attack, right?

I don't take disadvantage to do a ranged attack from prone. I would take disadvantage for a melee attack from prone. It's gonna affect your ac-- Exactly, exactly. Really? I'm pretty sure, yeah. That's a little crazy. So you're saying, if you were to fire a bow and arrow from the prone position, that doesn't affect your accuracy? You're also right. Actually, it would stabilize your arms, I guess. Uhh, prone, I got it here. Prone creatures, movement of the prone, creatures-- the creature has disadvantage on attack rolls, period. Huh! Yeah. Well, okay. We're learning a lot today.

Yeah. Alright. So Ubo's gonna lay low, and Ubo's gonna produce flame, and Ubo's gonna throw that flame that he produces at archer one. Mm-hmm. 'Cause that's within range, yes? What's the range? Oh, no! 30 feet, and he's 35 feet. Well, bummer. Looks like you'll have to stand up, Ubo. I'd have to-- man. That's just asking too much. So Ubo will instead untarget archer one. Let's-- man, everyone's-- [mumbling] That's only ability checks, so that's not gonna help. Okay, um... And standing up takes my entire move action, yes? No! It takes half. Mm-kay, alright. So Ubo stands, and Ubo scoots, and now Ubo has a shot.

In 30 feet, so he produces flame, and it goes something like this. A crit is how it goes, sir. A crit. Is it what kind of critical hit? It doesn't roll on the table, 'cause that was a one. That was a one, okay. You still roll crit damage, which was probably enough to kill this archer, maybe? Okay, do I click the damage normally and it'll just do it? Yep. Okay. Yeah, there we go. Ten damage, okay. Not enough to kill, but you're wounded. It's an angry flame. And then that ends Ubo's turn. Alright, Donovan, how you feeling? I will-- Oh no, yeah, right. Mattie never said get back up now.

That doesn't exist anymore. No. It was implied. So he'll-- he's his own man. He'll get up on his own. [laughing] And despite it being bad first aid, he's gonna reach for an arrow that's sticking in him and rip it out. And I'm gonna use bonus action for second wind. I'll roll a d10 plus five to heal up. And you're gonna have to add it to my sheet, please. I'll do it. For a total of 12 hit points. Twelve? Hey, there you go. And he will charge the archer that got him down. Oh no. Yeah. Close range attacks, their weakness. Yep. Their one weakness. And I'm gonna attack twice.

Oh no. With minus two on both attacks. Oh no. First attack. Ooh, that's a nine. Minus two's not a problem if I roll three. And second attack. Seventeen will hit. Okay. And here we go. Damage. Eight damage to the archer. That's my round. Alright, Masocha. Hello. Hi. What am I gonna do? What an interesting fight. It's been very tactical. Yeah. Let's see, can I walk through people? Allies? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like a... Oh, excuse me. Okay. That hood that gives, like, perfect vision at night. What does it do during the daytime? Would it be too bright? No, no, you're not Riddick.

Okay. You never know. He's gonna put it up just for intimidation factor with glowing red eyes. It's very anime. And he's gonna come right up to archer number one. I, okay, I got one of those weird feelings. You know how deers can sense a storm coming and they're drinking from a pond? They're like, "Oh." I feel a crit coming on and I don't know why. I don't know if I've just been trained. Aw, you just jinxed it. Ah, well. Maybe. Let's see what a dagger does to this guy. Take that minus two. I don't wanna be the only one. Oh, minus two. That'll miss. I still had zero and I was like, "Oh my god, it's a crit." Second dagger?

Yeah, you could. Hey, that'll hit. Alright. And so is the attack the 3d6 or is it the actual dagger dart? It's the offhand? Yeah, it's your offhand, so. Yeah, it's just gonna be a d6. Yeah. One damage! So you paper cut him. He's just toying with him. With his red eyes glaring into him. He just nicks him. And he's just waiting for him to just run away. You don't want me to get serious. [laughter] Astor! Take us home! Hey! We'll see about that. Yes, I'll try. Okay, which one? The good news is, no matter who you decide to try to attack, you get advantage. Yeah. I know, it's like, "Which one do I wanna go for?" Let's try this one then.

Attacking archer number one. Yep. 21 to hit? Yep. Let's do a hit. Plus two. Six. Ah, six damage to archer number one. Yeah, I mean that's it. I don't know what else. What? Six damage? That's respectable? I suppose. Okay. This? Okay. Archer number one. These guys do not like close range combat. It's not cool. Uh, well. I'm wondering if he would take a step back. And just like, maybe take the hit. [laughter] Well, don't you get disadvantage from shooting at close range? Well, he has a dagger. Like, they have knives. But like, that's not their strong suit. This guy's got red eyes and shit.

He doesn't want any. This is why you multi-class. Well, then they wouldn't be archers. That's the thing. You know what? He's gonna take the step back. Go ahead and take an opportunity attack. Okay, is that just a regular attack? Just a regular old attack. Just a stabby stabby. Well... Hey, that'll miss. I was gonna say subtract two from that anyway, but... Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Okay. You know what? He is going to level his longbow at Masoka. And fire. Oof! Like, what for? Are you petting the red eyes? What is your obsession with the eyes? That is ten damage to Masoka.

I'm still alive. Oh, that's a one HP red there. He's going to draw another arrow. Oh! And fire again. Oh, that's a big miss. Oh, that one's gonna go way wide. Okay. That's not great for him. Oh, it's not. Oh, god. Archer number two. This is terrible. This is a terrible, no good, very bad day. [laughter] I got that. Thank you. You know what? Fuck it. Archer number two is gonna back up too. Take your opportunity attack, sir. Donovan. Oh, that'll hit. Ooh. Seven damage to the archer. Okay, let's just do this. Level his longbow at Donovan and fire one. Nineteen will miss and fire two.

Nineteen will miss. Wow. No, don't say that word. Moving on. Moving on. Smooth sailing. Anven. Still glaring at archer number two with the diamond out. And, like, unfortunately he missed the whole thing with the other one shooting. Masoka, because he's been staring at him, because this one is the one doing a lot of the damage initially, is going to... Oh, I don't have advantage anymore. All right, it's fine. And... Spin that diamond. Oh, no. Well, that's a crit miss. Um... Roll the table. Whew. Anyway, so he goes and he looks really cool, and he's got the arch going through, and he's gonna do it, and then as he's about to do it, as he's twirling it, he messes up the twirl, and it falls out of his hand, and he goes to snatch it and it, like, messes up the spell.

He's like, "Well, that sucks." And he's even more angry now at himself and at him. Uh, Maddie! Ahhhhhh. Good, good. That's my plan. Okay, so she could just make it here, and then she's going to yell out, as she's running up, "Mesoka can't lose you again!" And then that's healing word. Ooh! Seven, which is seven, and then she's just gonna, like, bring her mace down on the dude on Archer #1. How did I make Mesoka target him? Okay. I don't know what I'm doing! Hold on. Try it now. It still has me targeting Mesoka. Okay, try it now. I'm going to attack. Just don't let any of this damage go to Mesoka.

Well, hold on. If I hit. I can literally just untarget. Try it again. Try targeting. Okay. Hey there! I won't kill Mesoka now, if I hit. So bring the mace down on his head, hopefully. Nope. That's gonna miss. I'm super great at this, guys. Well, you have a head injury! I'll just stick to the healing. Oofo, these are the luckiest fucking archers. Minotaurs, no problem. Human archers? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, no kidding. Fucking eight-foot minotaurs went down like a breeze. The gnome and the archers were the real killers. The minotaurs were behind it all. Literally. That's the first time I ever use that word correctly.

Oubo's gonna go there and target Archer 2 and use Thorn Whip. And I close this character sheet, apparently. There we go. We do a little of that. Battle super hit. Yeah, 24. That's significantly better. I pull him 10 feet. Oh, look! Enjoy standing next to Donovan. Oh, no! Oh, yes. That's a terrible place to stand, said the archer. And then I do 2d6 damage, which goes a little something. Why isn't that doing two? That did one. I'll just get him again. Yeah, that's eight damage. That's good. That's good. Solid damage. Respectable damage. Maybe you have to update the spell in the table because it didn't update itself when you leveled up.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know how it goes either. Oh, we can do it. Okay. I'm done. All right, Donovan. Donovan's had absolutely enough of this. So he drops his shield. I'm gonna unequip it. Oh, no. Skill inventory. Shield. Just clickety click. Does that reflect in my AC? Yes, I'm at 18. I'm at 18. Dark archer 2. He's gonna keep his pickaxe, his war pick in one hand, draw a short sword in the other one. Gonna go full attack. So, move at -2. First attack with the war pick. That's a miss. Second attack with the war pick. That's another miss. And bonus attack with the short sword.

That one will hit. 21. All right, so it's gonna be just a d6. Can't do it from my table. Yeah, I got it. That's a 1. He's had enough of this. The end of my turn. You can stop intimidating and just kill them now. There's a lot of blood here. Masoka! Ah, shit. All right. I can see where this is going. Have you predicted my move? I'm probably stabbing. No. No. He's gonna look at him with his red eyes. So you like throwing arrows around. And he's gonna pull out the bow that he rarely uses. Oh my god. It's for the fans. This is important. He's aiming dead right in the middle of the archer's eyes.

Tell it it's a fine bow. You gotta tell it. Have you ever seen such a fine bow? Yes. You may commence. That's gonna miss. Wait, wait, wait. You get advantage because of Mattie. Yes! God. Battle hits. That's a fine bow. Exactly ten more. Aww. See, your critical flaw was using arrows. That's the... That was a hot arrow day. It's the principle of the thing, you know? No, I get it. Doesn't he get sneak attack if the enemy's engaged? Do you still get that for arrows? Yes. It just says if I hit with an attack. The archer gets it. Oh, well. Yeah, but you're... That's... I don't know.

Yeah, if it says just attack, then... Is it if I hit with an attack? Yeah, it's if you have advantage. Oh, okay. That's true. And it also, it is if an ally's within five feet. So that's the... Got it. Absolutely. How do I hit him when I'm a block away? With the arrows? Yeah, with the arrow, right? The sneak attack is the precision of any attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, yeah, think of it like the arrow it puts... Oh, it's not. It's... Okay, so I get the 3D sex on top of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. You did that thing like that Angelina Jolie movie. You just like, you curve it, and it...

I don't know. Oh, yeah. That movie no one remembers. I can't remember the title. Wanted. Was it Wanted? Okay, yeah. Hey, guess what? None of this fucking matters. It'll kill that archer. Yeah, kill him dead. Let's see if I can do that. Aster, take us home. That's what you said the last time. Aster, end our suffering. It's 21, that'll hit. Two sneak attack damage. Oh my God. He's huge. He's just, he's like, oh no, and he's feeling faint. He's almost there. Yeah, I don't have anything else I can do. Well, then you know what? It's Archer 2's turn. You know what? I... He's done too, Donovan.

He's done. He's going to take a step back. Yay. Take a swing. Okay. Oh, he's really done. Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant he was giving up, but we didn't have to kill everyone. No, he is going to, he's going to try and put two, right, in Donovan's brain box. That's a quick miss. Okay. He's totally killed. Oh, he didn't kill himself. No, he didn't kill himself. You didn't roll the table. One day for once. This is a big, oof, so he is going to level his longbow at Donovan and fire. That'll hit. Oh no. Seven damage to Donovan. He's going to notch another arrow. 18, oh my goodness.

Oh, that's my bad AC. Seven damage to Donovan. She lives. Yeah. I feel like at this point we're all looking at each other, including the archer, going like, "What's going on?" What the fuck just happened? We cannot be right here, but he's going to fire the two arrows and he's like, "We could call this a draw anytime you want, man." Amven. The five of us. Yeah. It's not a draw. In his defense, everyone but Amven and Anaster look pretty bad. Everyone's bleeding a lot. "We've all lost things today," is what he's saying. "We can just pack it up." Again, he's like, "All right, let's try this again.

Hopefully, if I miss, someone else will actually hit." I look at him and I pull up my diamond, start spinning it, it starts cracking lightning again. That'll miss. Let's just leave. Let's just walk the opposite way at this point. I see it blends and hits the tree next to him, and then you can leave at any moment, given that dark look. Almost playing it off, I missed on purpose, but knowing in the back of his head, "God damn, I just wouldn't hit?" You're going to hear him call out, "Draw?" There's a question mark. "Maddie, draw?" Maddie's going to look around and see what other people's faces are saying.

If Maddie looks at Amven, she'll know that he still has this really pissed off angry face. It's been a bad week. I would judge it by how many arrows there are in our bodies. It's a lot. You guys are more arrow than people now, I think. Dude. Except for the back lines of course, we're utterly unscathed. Does this guy really like, does he go like, "Draw?" Yes. He's a piece of shit. I know, but it's Maddie, God damn it. That's okay, I've got sniper range. It doesn't matter how far he runs. Oh my God, that's so dark. We could have just killed him if he didn't say anything.

Whatever makes him not fire his arrows. Maddie's going to take a gambit. Is she going to get in front of him? Oh no. And then turn around to face her group and say, "Let's let him go. Her back is to him." So she'll walk up, or she'll run up and then turn around and go, "Guys, guys, guys, enough fighting. Let's let him go." Ubo? I know. Mari. Ubo is just enough in doubt of his decision making abilities from recent events to follow orders from a fellow party member, so Ubo hesitates and passes. Okay. Donovan, because you're close by, I'm going to ask you. Oh yeah.

Okay. He's going to walk up right to that guy next to Maddie, going to look him up and down, and say, "Yeah, you're not a minotaur. You don't need our gold. Get the hell out of here." He's got his bow, just like, "Sir, you for real?" And there's going to be that moment where he's looking at the party, and he'll nod to Maddie really quickly and then turn tail and just start running. I imagine it's going to be like, "Take ten steps back while facing the party." Then it's like, "Just start bolting." That's fair. Donovan's going to clasp Maddie's shoulder and go like, "Nice.

Nice." I'm standing there just spinning my diamond. I picture it like a drumstick. Maddie will look to Donovan and say, "Well, they weren't slavers," and then she'll give that half smirk. Yeah, he smirks back. Oh, who needs some healing? Maddie, go for it. Everybody, that's it. Well, okay, everybody but Aster and... I'm invincible. So, here's what I'm going to do, because that took up way more time than I thought it was going to. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to advance time a bit and just have you guys march on the road. Now, the rest of this day is going to be pretty uneventful.

The 19th is going to be pretty uneventful. You guys are three days out from Durran Hollow. Can I get a d20 roll from someone in the party? I want to do it. Do it. Nothing of value on those guys that we just killed. I'm sure they have lots of gold. Well, here's what I want to do. Wow, what's happening? Maddie's healing. Oh, everybody's recovering. We're going to have a full rest probably in between that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys are absolutely rested. Here, I'm going to do this, because yeah, yeah, yeah. Long rest, ba ba bam. Everybody's great. Everybody's doing fantastic.

Yay. Yay, not dying. Yay. So, you let a person go. That's good. I mean, depending on your, you know, purview. It is the 20th of Feri. You're 10. Nothing's going to happen on the 20th. On the 21st, it is going to start downpouring. Just nasty. It doesn't stop all day. There are parts of the road where you guys are, like, you might have to push the cart or something, because there are areas where it's just nasty and muddy. So it's like, ugh, we got to push this out. It sucks. So that's your entire 21st, and it's going to slow you down a bit. 22nd is going to continue to rain.

But by the 23rd, you guys are going to reach the town of Durnhollow, and I think that's a pretty good time for us to stop for the day. All right. Whoa, we reached the town. Yay. In one session. What? Different town. Hey, what's that carriage over there? Why are there dead donkeys everywhere? Wow, that fight. It had been a while. I think we were due for a full episode fight. It was fine until both healers went. Yeah. It made things interesting. Hoo boy. Okay, I hope you guys enjoyed that episode today. We are frantically getting ready for Theriathon. Theriathon is April 20th at noon Eastern, all the way till midnight Eastern.

I hope you guys mark down your calendars. Please, please, please, if you have any questions for us, send them to danddrapodcast@gmail.com. That's danddrapodcast@gmail.com, and we will be happy to answer all of those. In the meantime, keep an eye out on our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, all that good stuff, because we'll be teasing stuff, leading into the big event. Obviously, our Kickstarter is also taking place, or starting the day of Theriathon. It's a really, really big time for us. We are so excited to finally show off all that hard work that we've been talking endlessly about.

Sorry about that, by the way. So thank you guys for listening. Please, swing by iTunes, give us a review, all that good stuff. It's been crazy helpful, and we really appreciate all of your support. Thanks guys, we'll see you next week.