The Journey of a Thousand Miles...

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[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you're only going to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

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It's a news show that brings all the stuff from Tharia to you, even if the groups aren't there to see it. Visit patreon.com/dandr to find out more. Previously for Group B, after spending some time in the city of Esther Holtz and finding a few allies to join them in the fight against the Black Hand, it's just about time to hit the road again. The question is, what's the next area that the group is going to visit? Let's do that thing, where we go around the table to introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table starting with Jameson.

I am Jameson. I play Lark. And Alex. Hi, I'm Alex, and I play Braelyn, the halfling bard. And let's do Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie, and I play Elena, the human fighter. Did you just crack open a cold brewski? What was that? I expected the Steve Austin music to show up. [LAUGHTER] Maybe. Oh, wow. OK. And Jay. It's a Mountain Dew, guys. Oh. That's like negative 10 cool points. I'm sorry. Oh my god, how dare you. [LAUGHTER] But you do get double XP for this session. Sorry, Jamie. Hi, I'm Jamie. I play Tatiana, the human rogue. And Karen. Hi, I'm Karen, and I play Callie, the elven druid.

And Ian. Hey, I'm Ian. I play Calvin Halek, the newly minted level 10 sorcerer, baby. You know what they say about level 10 sorcerers? No. No. We get another metamagic. It's pretty cool. Oh. I thought you were going to say something about size. Yeah, the size of our magic increases by one. It's very cool. Very good. That way. Go home. Wow. Is this thing on? So you guys split up last time. And I would say there are varying degrees of success in both of your missions. You found out some stuff at Vecna's House of Blues. Like, I don't know why it was-- the small church of Vecna, which was kind of-- it's a very San Francisco feel.

It was an old converted building. And Callie and Calvin went to Jadzia's library and found out a bunch of stuff, spoke with Serif. That went well. She's kind of watching you from the dark. Hanging out. Yeah, and we wrapped things up with Callie giving us a little roll. I don't recall. Oh, I do. I recall it. Plain as day. So it's still the ninth of Alter Orn. And I would imagine you guys-- when we last left, you guys, you wanted to meet back up and kind of exchange stories. Do you want to do a quick download of information so that both of you, both of the two groups, know what's going on?

Yeah. So we don't have to spend 20 minutes going back. So-- I don't want to tell people some things. OK, so how-- is there anything either side is leaving out? I just don't want to tell anybody about the stuff that she found out-- that Callie found out about Jadzia and then the whole way to get around the blood magic cost thing. That's it. OK, cool, cool. That's the most important one. Good for you. I don't remember any of it. I just don't feel like it's a need to know. Wow. OK. Tatiana would also probably make a point to if they're alone somewhere, split up all of the money that they made.

And we'll probably give a nudge-nudge over to Largus. She throws the bag of gold on the table or whatever. That's for those jewels, bud. Well, while you're splitting up gold, don't forget that you guys got a Christmas bonus, so to speak. Only Christmas bonus I'm getting here. Yeah, well, me too. So-- [LAUGHTER] Make sure to add that 1,500 gold to the pile to split up amongst yourself. So that would be 1,830. Ooh, what? That's pretty sexy, guys. Wait, wait. How much gold do we get? 1,830? No, that's the total, right? That's the total. Total, yes. No. 305. 830. What?

What? What? Maybe I did-- wait, 18. Yes. Divided by 6. 305. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Valerie's a very generous tipper. [LAUGHTER] I don't know how I got that number. I must have divided by something. I have 369 gold. 365. Are we at 305 each? Yeah. I now have 305 gold. Hey! That's the same. Woo! Do I always go, probably? I feel like I always go. Here's the thing. We did the rooms, but-- oh, did you-- did we ever get the headband of intellect, or did that-- No. But Tatiana would tell you that it's at the store, and she would probably say, there's some douchebag over at this store that has a thing of intellect, but I would try to look somewhere else.

OK, firstly, that's hurtful. I'm starting this thing in Theria called thealp, and-- [LAUGHTER] I fucking knew it. And I am going to tarnish this man's reputation. Do you know what the problem is? In solidarity. The problem is, there's so few users, it's going to be very easy to suss out who gave them a bad review. [LAUGHTER] Oh, I get it now. OK. Give me a second. [LAUGHTER] You know what? Hold up. We're still working on the book. I want to add a note that-- Tatiana's not a fan of this. No more new ideas, anybody. Come on! For the next three months, no new ideas.

No! This is going to hurt. OK. 44-- what is it? 44 days? 45 days we need to finish? 48 days. Oh, OK. I thought it was 45. OK, cool, cool. Anyway. Anyway. You think three days is going to be extra good, but it isn't. Ian, stop. [LAUGHTER] Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Well, now we got to get that Trent redone, so-- [LAUGHTER] He's perfect. Leave him alone. He's great. So you guys are all caught up, except the things you held back. And you got your mission. You have some crucial information. What's the next step? Didn't we have to come up with a date? Yes. Like, actual date? OK. Oh, yeah.

So that'd be something that we would bring up, is we actually have to come up with a time meeting. In Brightport, we're meeting the Paladins. Oh, yeah. Do we need a specific place? I mean, I don't think so. There's going to be quite a few of us. Well, if we're going to meet in Aldmoor, it's like a two-horse town, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whitehead or Aldmoor? I think it was-- yeah, I think it was Aldmoor. One of you had proposed that, and it was brilliant. Right. And it was-- so I guess you have a choice. It would be Whitehead if you're not planning to go to the Blacktip Forest.

It would be Aldmoor if you were planning to go to the Blacktip Forest and then come back through. We were planning on going to the Blacktip Forest. It's been a while. I just wanted to make sure. And we have a tour guide now, so-- Who am I? That's right. --Saraf's buddy. Saraf, we had a buddy that was going to-- Oh, yeah. That's right, you are going that way. Yeah. Wouldn't it be Whitehead either way? Because if we're going through Aldmoor, wouldn't we have to go all the way up north or on Arash and Uminyero and everything? Or can we cut through the mountains?

But I don't know if we want to do that. There's a road south. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can cut through the mountains, or you can go through Dragon's Reach. You have options. Right, but then wouldn't we always be ending up at Whitehead? No, not necessarily. If you're coming back through the mountains up north, you'd be stopping in Aldmoor, and you'd never make it to Whitehead unless you wanted to go way out of your way. I don't want to go through Dragon's Reach. Why not? I mean-- Yeah, why not? --Karen the player has been through Dragon's Reach previously. Wasn't a good experience.

That's meta knowledge, and we don't deal in meta knowledge. Wait, so we're going to hike through the Hazon Mountains then? Well, OK. Let's back up. In fact, here, I'm going to just share this map with everybody. Yeah. Let's take a step back. Right now, you're in Esterholt. I like this one. Yeah. You're in Esterholt, and we have to deal with a couple of tiny details before you can even move on. So what date would you like to pick? It is right now the 9th of Ulthuorn. And don't forget, you guys have a travel die. I guess what's the average amount of time would it take to get from Esterholt to the Blacktipped Forest?

And then to Aldmer. Excellent question. I can do that math for you if you'd like. Now, I guess-- OK, would you like me to give you the fastest route or a couple of options? Options, please. Yeah. You guys talk amongst yourselves a lot. Are we going to have to go past Dawnhurst again? Like, ugh. Yeah, we have to skirt around it. Yikes. Larg is going to just walk into Dawnhurst like a moth. But like, who's front of each front again? We can just go east. It's not that we can get out of this thing ever. And we don't-- oh, just kidding. We do have to go through Dawnhurst.

Yeah. We can swing through Fair Bay again and-- We have to take a full rotation. Oh, gosh. One left. We really did, huh? I mean, we could go to Fair Bay. That just seems so tedious. Maybe up through High Mental Forest, cut across by the blistering peaks. I guess stop in the Silver Glade just-- We still have to go through Dragon's Reach. Let's just use all of the off-road travel tables. I mean, I'm gay. I'm Donald Zatt. Love that. You know, for reals, though, I think whatever we decide, we should try and-- whatever we calculate, we should try and see if we can show up maybe like a day earlier than the paladin's.

I mean, here's the only concern. It's like, we have no idea what we're looking for in the Blacktip Forest. It can take forever. All I'm saying is whatever we're looking for will find us before we find it in the Blacktip Forest. We spent weeks in the Deadwood. Weeks. [LAUGHTER] But all we-- They'll survive. Yeah, totally. Oreo Lavender is going to-- Definitely back-dime. Oreo Lavender is going to be around forever, and-- Rump-dropper for the win. No, Rump-dropper's going to die. We're going to set foot outside of Esterhold, and my horse is going to drop dead.

I'm just-- [LAUGHTER] Absolutely. Oh, boy. Stupid Lizardhead, whatever your name is. Stupid Lizard-- Lizard face. I'm sorry for disrespecting that majestic name. You know, that could be a triple crown winner. You don't know. Burger King crowns. [LAUGHTER] They opened up two new Burger Kings around me this last month, and the lines are insane. It takes like half an hour to go through the drive-through. That's disgusting. What kind of meat do they serve? [LAUGHTER] They have the Impossible Burger, which is not meat. Yeah, I like those. Pretty good. That's like the Popeyes out here.

There's always a line mix of this flipping sandwich. Oh, yeah. I remember when we visited-- [LAUGHTER] It's like out into traffic. It's really stupid. It's just a chicken sandwich, guys. I remember when somebody killed somebody for a chicken sandwich. That was-- Whoa. I think it happened in Mississippi. Have you ever really wanted a chicken sandwich, though? Like really wanted it? Can't really. [LAUGHTER] That was not my nose. Anyway, so how are we getting to the-- Well-- [LAUGHTER] Oh. Holy shite. Nuddy pop myself. My god. [LAUGHTER] You have two options, the way I see it, unless you want to do some off-road travel, which is more than an option for you guys.

Now, you know the time is of the essence, but you don't know exactly how long you have. Now, you could head north from Esterhold and go to Durran Hollow. And then you guys could take a lovely little trip through the Divide again and go back through Donhurst and then up to the Blacktip Forest. That would be if you traveled by horse 212 hours, which breaks down to 17.6 days if you travel 12 hours a day. Jesus Christ. Oh my gosh. On horses? We have horses, right? You have horses. Now-- I think I just forgot how long we were in the Divide. Oh my fucking god. Yeah.

Now, this is assuming that nothing impedes your progress. This is assuming-- It's going to be arc five when we get to the Blacktip Forest. Well-- That's OK. And again, you could go off road. But OK. Now, you could go east from here, Esterhold to Fair Bay, then to Lockfort, then travel north through Dragon's Reach, then up near Donhurst and to the Blacktip Forest. That would be 165 hours. Because it's safer and a little faster, you have wide open plains. That would be 13.75 days. [BUZZING] I mean, we have our horses for all 13.75 of those days. Yes. And all the people from Donhurst, I'm not super comfortable going back.

So wait, it was 13.7 eastward and then westward. It was 16 something? Like 17 something? 17.6. 17.6, thank you. Let's say 17 and 1/2 days. And let's round up and say 14 days the other way. OK. 14 and 17. Because you got to go through the mountains if you head north. There's the joining of the Blackrock and Blistering Peaks there you'd have to go through, then to Donhurst, then the divide, let's be honest, is probably going to slow you down a little. And then you could skirt past Donhurst. You don't have to go back into Donhurst, obviously. I have a question.

Do any of these tributaries flow south to north, like the Nile? Or do they all flow north to south? Did you just say tributaries? Just inject that into conversation. I feel like they'd flow away from the Nile. I did because I am taking the SATs tomorrow. OK, good. Why in the fuck are you taking the SATs? For fun, I'm bored. Oh, OK. You want us to get into a jig college? Can I answer, Jason? I guess. They all flow north to south. There's only one river in Analara that flows the other direction. Thank you. OK, cool. And so I'm guessing none of them are in the Dragon's Reach area.

Nope. OK. That would be the Whirlpool. That's what I was just going to ask. Oh my god. Again? Hey, look, it's up to you. Can we take a quick stop there real quick? Yeah. Oh my god. Real quick? I can tell you what's in there and you don't want it. [LAUGHTER] We'll jump into the Whirlpool and end up in the Blacktip Forest. Oh, yeah, it's a war point. Like Mario Brothers, Super Mario 3. G-code. And nobody in our party-- because I know that Tatiana would have no knowledge of any sort of magical transportation, but nobody would even have any knowledge of that here.

I mean, I learned a spell that's not on the sheet. It's not on my sheet, but it's in the-- Oh, that's right. Yeah. Do you have to know where that teleportation circle is? I'm reading it right now. Didn't one of you guys go through the-- or was there a scroll at one point? I went through it and ended up at the wedding. Right. Yeah. I thought that was a gate that got you guys to the wedding. Oh, I can only teleport us to gates. Oh. And I have to research. Never mind. All right. Well, OK. I know one of them, I guess, right? I know the one to get to the wedding, which the wedding was in Esterholt.

So that's actually super useless to us right now. [LAUGHTER] So I can offer you another option. If you were to go east and then get to Fairbay, you could cut clean through Hunter's Bounty into the north, beyond the Silverglade, and into Dragon's Reach. You don't have to take roads at all. Hey, beyond Silverglade or through the Silverglade? I mean, you could skirt around. You don't have to go through. OK, that's ideal. What's up with Hunter's Bounty, though? What's up with Hunter's Bounty? I think Hunter's Bounty is pretty safe. Or Hero's Marches. I know it's a lot safer than the north.

Hey, don't use book knowledge. [LAUGHTER] Can I roll a thing? What do you-- what, nature? Or history? Yeah. Yeah, I'll go with nature. Some of them are actually great. All right. Hell yeah. 19. Damn, damn, damn. So Hunter's Bounty is smack dab where Fairbay is. And it's, for the most part, pretty tame. Now, when you get to the Silverglade area, and you get into those-- well, obviously the forest itself. You guys are probably going to skirt around that. Those hills, you get into giant territory. There is the odd de Brier troll every once in a while. But that's usually during mating season.

You shouldn't have to worry about that so much in the springtime. Hot. It's hot. Yeah, that's that hot grapples we were looking for earlier. Brier trolls are just ripped. And away from one, I think. National Geographic. Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm into it. I'm not. Please stop. Coward. [LAUGHTER] So unless you guys were to roll very poorly, there shouldn't be anything too crazy. What's the time we could shave off by going off road? If you were to go off road and things went well for you, you could shave probably two to three days of travel off your time. OK. Is that worth it, though?

Just two to three days? Hell, yes. This is a long last time. We have no idea what the Blackhand's doing. And that's the thing, you guys might have two, three months. You might have two or three weeks. You don't know. Two, three days. Might. Don't know. Well, then that's impossible. Then we lose it. We might miss it. Yeah. You guys might be in the black tip. And it just reemerged. It's like, oh, no. So I mean-- Let's go back into the forest. This is just in character knowledge. No news is good news. We've asked about what the deal is in Brightport. We haven't heard anything.

So that could mean nothing's happening for a while. Nothing's happening yet. What are we talking about what deal in Brightport? Like the Blackhand. If she's doing anything, we haven't heard anything from there. We've asked around and asked people, what's the news about Brightport? Nobody-- nothing's really come up. Well, that thing couldn't tell you. Like, it's obscured. Oh, that's right. Never mind. I wouldn't say that mode's good. That's not good news. Yeah. No, I'm sticking-- I'm doubling down on this. No news is good news. OK. [LAUGHTER] I think everything's going to be just fine.

Also, my teleportation circle spell requires gold. So I'm never using it. You guys just got a ton of gold. So OK, so how long would it take the paladins to go from Esther Holt to either Whitehead or Aldmer as like a giant group like that? Well, that depends. If you guys give them a date and you're sure that shit's going down, obviously they'd put a premium on speed. That would be-- it's a big group. But the cool thing about riding in a big group is who the fuck is going to get in their way? Yeah. If they're riding 50 or 60 deep on horseback, fully paladin-ed up, it's not like they have to worry about kobolds and shit.

No, but I'm just afraid people are going to see this big group of paladin. Yeah, you ditch the element of surprise. Right. And then we don't have any time. Because somebody is going to send somebody ahead and be like, yo, shit's up. I feel like it would be easy to be like, hey, don't go in your chrome-gleaming armor. Just put on normal ass clothes and bring a suitcase. Yeah. I did tell-- Yeah, you're right. Not to be an asshole. Are you going to tell the paladins of Kord not to dress up the paladins of Kord? Yeah, I think it's going to happen. No, no, we'll tell Oona to tell the paladins of Kord to not dress up the armor.

These are the same idiots that went after-- Wow. Wow. That went after Strahd, OK? They're dead. A lot of them died, yeah. So maybe let's try a different approach this time. I think that's a good line of vision. They did kind of take out Strahd, I'm saying. Well, no, the Sion did. Yeah. Yeah. And we're short Sions now, so. Yeah, so let's take a different tack this time. Larg will vote for taking the roads. Larg doesn't want to go off the roads anymore. Larg likes roads. My fellow revenant brother, I'm going to disagree. Braelon will vote for not only the non-road route, but the one that goes east and then north.

Oh, my. Through Hunter's Bounty? I think Kali would vote for that one, too. Katiana votes for stopping in Fair Bay. Well, we're going to stop there anyways. Either way? Yeah. Yeah. Can we stop, though? It's Fair Bay and then straight up. Well, I'm guessing that this is a family matter. Well, I mean, if we're headed that way. Yeah, totally. It would all depend, though, you know? Got some gold jingling around. Got to make a quick deposit. Deposit? There's a lot of mouths to feed. Yeah, Cauldron will vote for off-road going the fastest route that we can. So that's three.

What about Elena? I just-- I mean, I think definitely going east, because we've done that before. So it's not like something new. Although I guess we did go south, so we'd just be going the other way. But-- And here's the thing. Neither east nor west has treated you particularly well. Any cardinal direction has given us something, either death or injury. Yeah, you've lost limbs. You've-- Oh, that's true. Yeah. It's not that long we're going to be off the road, just till we get to Dragon's Reach. It's like two or three days. And we were in the Deadwood for like 100 days, so-- True.

Yeah. And again, you guys have traveled die. You have one travel die. But does that make travel faster? Or it just makes it go faster for us? Well, it makes it go faster for you. But nothing bad can happen. Interesting things can happen, but nothing bad. It's like the weird mode on Fallout New Vegas. Yeah. Yeah, OK. Gotcha. But in the in-time game, still goes the same amount, right? Yes. Yeah. You're not magic during that time. It's just not magic. We're just lucky. Yeah. So how long-- how long does it take the Paladins-- how long would it take the Paladins to travel?

I would say if they're probably going to head east, so they would go Esther Holt, Fairbay, Lockfort, Whitehedge, Brightport, it would probably take them a total of probably 15 days. OK. That's pretty good, because we could tell them if it takes us 14 and 1/2 minus two days taking the shortcut, yeah. And we could be conservative and give them the 15 to 17 day limit, maybe. Well, the other part-- No, that's-- we're-- ooh, you go ahead. I was just going to say, what's the distance from Blacktip Forest to the Rendezvous Point, whether it's all more or Whitehedge?

Because we still got to get there also. That's like three days. Depends on which way you go. If you're going through the mountains, that's a much tougher trek. Yeah, I don't think the mountains-- I think back down south would be the way to go. No more mountains. I'm concerned-- Yeah, no more mountains. I'm just concerned about Bennett's Rest. It's an interesting area. Either way, we have to skirt it. Well, the way I see it, we're fucked no matter which way we go. So let's take the shorter route and get fucked faster. Oh, OK. I agree wholeheartedly. [LAUGHTER] 2020, let's get fucked faster.

Take the shortest route. Here's your next t-shirt, Jason. I actually almost tweeted that today, something very similar. [LAUGHTER] OK, anyway. This is the rest of the episode, isn't it? You guys just deciding around. What-- If we take the shortest route, which is like 10-ish days, right? So it gives it in like three to four days to get from Blacktip Forest to the Rendezvous Point. So that would give us like a day and a half-ish to route around Blacktip Forest. Is that enough time? It's possible, to be honest. We need to be conservative when it comes to the amount of time we're going to take.

Right. So-- Like you said, we don't even know what we're looking for. Yeah. I would add on like a week. Why don't we say 25 days? 25 days. Yeah. You're talking about everything together, right? Yeah, total. Like to get to meet the paladins and start toward Brightport. I agree. Almost a month, basically. Yeah. Yeah. 14. Because something's going to go wrong. Somebody's going to be late. Absolutely. 100%. But do we have a month? Like we don't know when. I mean-- Is 25 days too much? I think that's too much. I was thinking more like 20. Well, OK. Let's say this route that I have drawn on the map, if everything goes relatively well, and you guys are on horseback the entire time, and you're riding 12 hours a day, you're looking at about 10 to 11 days.

That's if the weather holds out and all that stuff. And give or take, right? You might hit some good luck and go a little faster. You might slow down a little bit. It might rain, and you're trekking through mud and stuff. Run into a dragon. That's negative thinking, Kara. So give or take. Realistic. 9 to 12 days. Yeah. Now you don't know exactly how long you're going to be in the old black tip, which-- wow, you're 12. Oh, you guys are nasty. So that's the problem, right? That's the big you don't know. Because Black Tip Forest, that's-- you know, it's a very interesting place and very haunted.

We have a guide. You have-- yeah. We have our chopper friend. Yeah, you were told-- there's a guy who knows a guy, basically, is what you're-- so let's say all that goes well. Let's say, you know, you have someone who knows the area. You still got to know exactly what you're looking for and where to find it. It's tough. It's difficult. What if we give it a work week? Like five days? Yeah. In the forest? Five days? I was thinking, like, two. Yeah, I was thinking two also. OK. Yeah, I was thinking, like, two to three. So if we say we can, like, meet the paladins, I mean, it's going to take them 15 days.

So if we meet them, like, a day or two after that, and then we say, like, the day after that we go into Brightport or whatever, because we have to figure out, like, Sarah's contact, what day we tell them. So it's not even just us meeting the paladins. It's us getting into Brightport as well. Yeah. Well, I was just going to say there's that crossroads between the road from White Hitch to Aldemar, and then there's a three-way, like, crossroads to Brightport. So if we met the contact there in 22 days, then, you know, like, why don't we all just meet there?

Why do we have to meet in the city? Let's just meet at the friggin-- let's create a campsite there. That might be better, actually. Nice. Yeah, nice. Yeah. But then what if the-- like, I feel like that's so close to Brightport. If they get there before us, then Brightport's going to know what's up, because it's just so close. I mean, is it super close, though, Jason? How far is it from that intersection to Brightport? I want the numbers. One second, actually. I can give you the numbers. That's got to be, like, a day's travel, right? That looks like it. Yeah, easily.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's say Brightport 2-- jeez, yeah. So from Whiteheadge to Brightport, it's 48 miles. That's a straight line. About half that, yeah. Yeah. OK, so because what I'm thinking is that intersection must be a popular place for people to stop for, like, to camp out while traveling and stuff. So I don't see either us or the paladins camping there being super suspicious, as long as they're not all in their stupid-ass armor. Then it should be totally fine to meet them there. I would assume that they are. Just let's set expectations properly. Like, you guys travel with your armor.

That's true. Well, maybe put on a cloak or something. Like, we're trying to be secretive here. You know what? Get some ponchos. They'll all wear big, fake mustaches, and that'll be-- Get on it, Braylin. We need disguises for a whole army. We need to enlist Enrique de Shamps. They can put on rain ponchos. Rain ponchos, there you go. Sombreros. I just imagine, like, a bunch of people in armor, but then also wearing sombreros. Yeah, it's not suspicious at all. It's totally inconspicuous. I just picture Hans holding, like, fucking Storm Render aloft the entire ride, just fucking-- Why, Hans?

Why? So, like, 21 days? 21 days. Let's do 21. 21 days. 21 days. And if they have to wait for us for, like, a day, like, whatever. Yeah, because, I mean, hopefully we'll get there ahead of them. I think that should be our goal. But-- Yeah. Yeah. If they have to wait a day, then, yeah. So what is that date? So what's the next month? Is that 21 days? Is that the 30th of Alter Orn? So I was going to ask, is that 21 days starting tomorrow or starting today? I don't want to complicate things more. The ninth is pretty much done. Yeah. Yeah, OK. So starting for the 10th.

OK. But we're staying another day here, right? Or are we heading out-- We're leaving tomorrow. We're leaving tomorrow. OK. Yeah, we're done. Well, that was the plan. OK. Gotcha. So if we plan to meet-- are we meeting somebody at Black Tip Forest, or did I imagine that? I think there's someone coming with us. There was a guide coming with us. OK. OK, so yeah, 21 days at the crossroads to Brightport, I think, is perfectly ambitious. So what, the third of Doolin? Looks to be. OK. OK. So you know what we'll do? Oh, shit. We will highlight that, and I will write it down.

So that's what you're telling everybody. I would also like to tell the paladins, like, hey, we want to meet you on the third of Doolin. If we're not there by the fifth, call home. Like, check in. [LAUGHTER] We probably-- we didn't make it. Yeah, we didn't make it. Give them a little bit of a window. You know, if we're not there on that day, don't pack up and go home. You know? And then we can tell Sarah that we'll be in Brightport the sixth. Yeah. OK. Well, the sixth is three days. No. It takes a day to get from the meeting point to Brightport, right? Yes. So you're-- OK.

Fourth or the sixth. You guys are keeping this breezy. Oh, god. Yeah. Well, why can't the contact just be at the intersection with the paladins? Yeah, that's all that's going to stay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. OK. Third. So I'm writing down the third of Doolin, or the fifth, or the sixth. And I'm just going to-- I'll know what I mean. So-- The third's due to-- It's the third. All right. [CLEARS THROAT] Let the countdown begin. Yeah. Oh, boy. Didn't need any more pressure in my life, but OK. Oh, no. Now we have another countdown to worry about. Self-composed deadlines.

Go. Yay. Oh, man. I love deadlines. So are we taking off? Is there anything you need to do last minute? You're telling everybody where to meet. The third of Doolin is the-- Or the fifth or sixth. Or the-- well, as long as they get there in the third, it's like, bring a book. That's what you're telling everybody. Yeah. Don't leave until the sixth. Yeah. I'll live on this for you. There's no GPS. We can't tell how long this is going to take. And we let them know. We're like, we're going to try and show up before you, but-- yeah, like Jamison said, if we don't show up for a little bit, yeah, phone home and check in.

You're not meeting for lunch. This is a pretty big deal. So you're telling everybody, it's like, we're trying to do this. We're attempting to get a leg up. This is a big deal. Give us a few days. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's unreasonable. And buy some ponchos. [LAUGHTER] They're going to get all their armor. You know-- OK, look. Paladins Accord are very prideful people. You just know they're going to polish their armor up. God damn it. And it's going to catch the sun. I want to say that specifically. Lark pulls Hans aside and says, listen-- Good, that's the guy to leave a message with.

I get it. Like, I know. It's exciting. You want to go out and be all shiny. Don't. Shiny and chrome, that's what they want to be. Just wait. Just wait. OK. So do me a favor. Give me a persuasion check. OK. All right. All right. They can shine their armor when they get to the meeting point. Yeah, exactly. They can spend the time waiting, shining their armor. They can polish the shit out of it. OK. Persuasion. Hey, I'm proficient in that shit. Oh, all right. Well. Well, it's a 12. It's a 12. That's pretty good. That's like a 50/50 chance he's going to come back with the message that you gave.

It's a game of telephone to Hans. Yeah. I should have gotten Nuna. The disappointment in your side. Look, OK. Here's what we're going to do. You ever tell somebody something, and then they go, yeah, I got it, and you know for a fact they didn't get it? It's like you're on the phone, and you're a sighted number. And they're like, oh, Hans, did you get that? Because it didn't sound-- You were even listening. I feel like you were watching TV while I was talking. Yeah, no, I got it. I got it, man. I got it. Yeah, so that's the feeling Larg gets when Hans walks away.

OK, so again, 50/50 chance. We'll roll for it after you guys leave. Cool for me. I have a question. Hit me. Did we finish up with the Church of Vecna stuff? What else did you want to do there? I don't-- well, I know what she saw in Kaldin that he was blessed by Vecna. And the woman was like, whoa, that's wild. I don't remember what happened after that. It was more that you guys were taught-- OK, I don't want to say touched by Vecna and start new names. But it's more that it's like, oh, you guys are on a mission from Ged. And that's a big deal. And you guys are clearly remnants.

Like, that's not something you see every day. Oh, but she didn't say, like, well, come help you or something. Oh, no. OK. But they wish you well. Hmm. Well, we tried. They're just not a big force, you know? Yeah, they're getting pumped around all the time is what we learned. That's true. They're not a very well-respected-- now, maybe after this is all said and done, you guys can maybe help the church rebrand, maybe get-- Actually, speaking of that, just not to-- I don't want to-- this has been an hour and a half of this, so I don't want to make this take any longer.

But-- Sure. Larg wants to get a holy symbol of Vecna while we're there. Sure, OK, like in the gift shop? Yeah, like on the way out. Yeah, sure. OK, we can totally do that. I guess, can Tatiana do that too? Absolutely can. Could we have persuaded them-- or persuaded at least one of them at any time, like, yeah, you guys have gotten kicked around, but if we're successful, this church will shine. Why don't your most magical person come with the paladins of Gourd and all meet up, and we can really spread that message? You'll be there on the front line to represent Vecna, and what could be better for your church?

So let me just recite the idea that you just had to you, because I want you to understand what you're asking. I know what I said. OK, you guys have been kicked around a lot. Let's take a single member of your already not respected church and put them with the paladins of Gourd-- Who are probably doing a lot of the bullying. Well, do they want to come with us? I mean, how many people were there at the church? It didn't seem like there were that many. It seemed like there were-- You weren't even there. [LAUGHTER] We downloaded information. You did, yes. We talked about how many people were there.

There were like two ladies, yeah. That was a lot. Like, it's-- --ten people. And that took-- That being said-- You can come with us. We're going to the Black Tip Forest. Does that sound cool? [LAUGHTER] It's spooky there. It's very goth. You'd love it. Yeah, you'd-- it would be great. You're like Nightmare Before Christmas, right? You'll love it. We heard there's ghosts. You could, like, help put those guys to rest, right? Resurrect them. I don't give a shit. Let's go. [LAUGHTER] I feel like we're stalling. Did we get an answer as to, like, what happened when she turned into the girl from The Ring?

What? What? You know-- She had a vision or something. When her, like, eyes rolled back, did she, like, skittered towards Kaladin or my-- Oh, yeah. --or to Brelin? Brelin. Brelin. Again, you're remembering the first half of that conversation. There was a whole speaky bit after that where you guys talked. I know, but why did she do that? They're kind of weird. I feel like a lot of it comes down to that. OK. So-- all right. So I feel like we're done there, though, right? OK, one final thing. I remember they invited us down for pizza. That's true. They did. Yeah. And this pizza.

Yeah, that's pizza. And there are more members there. And it's not a thing where-- you know what? How about this? The four people who were there. Would someone like to roll-- I'm not trying to exclude Ian. But the four people who were there, does someone want to roll a persuasion check to see if maybe you can get a few members of-- Yeah, I'll give it a shot. OK, let's do it. Because I'd say-- Persuasion? I'd say-- yeah, a little persuasion. Just, like, pitch it to them. Like, hey, that's 11. So I would say, what's your pitch? Like, that's the key. My pitch is that I have inspiration, so I'm going to do it again. [LAUGHTER] Fair.

OK, let's do it. 18 is much better. So your pitch. It's like, look, I'm a revenant. You guys have been bullied. I think if you were to put your money where your mouth is, you're going to-- I'm just telling you the pitch of this way. So you send a bunch of people in with the paladins to court. They got to respect that, right? You're there. You're on the front lines. You're fighting. Yeah, maybe talk about how they can show off their abilities and how much they actually mean, you know? Like, how strong they actually are, even though their numbers aren't as big.

Stuff like that. Or do they want to come to the Black Tip Forest with us? Either/or, it's up to them. However they want to make the name for themselves. I think-- Personally, I think that this would be flat out them meeting. Probably even riding out with the paladins to court. So let's say-- let's do this. Let's say the paladin is a quarter brain 60, 60 strong. Oh. Damn. And that's leaving some folks behind. They're the largest-- it's basically a small military at this point. These are the ones that have fully trained their flat out paladins. That's a pretty decent force.

I want you to roll two D20s. Alex, please. Two D20s, you got it. You just got another 20 from the Church of Vecna. Yeah. Way to go, Braylin. Are they all clerics or are there some paladins there? There's some paladins in there. There's some clerics. There's some-- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a force. Like, I don't want you to get the sense that these are all Revenge of the Nerds types. Like, they're not shouting bazinga and going into combat. Like, they're actually a force of people, you know. Is that canon now? No. I never pictured Revenge of the Nerds. I pictured all just Malgoths.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's more just they've been kind of driven underground because-- so to speak, not like the Drow, but they've been driven underground just because it's not as revered. I think people think necromancers and stuff instead of-- it's like the craft, right? It's like, oh, you know what we're talking about. The craft is a bad example because they were all witches. But, you know. I mean, what we really need is a cleric of Vecna on the show who is perfectly upstanding and not shady at all. Exactly. Maybe someone with a boob window. Maybe someone-- Yeah.

Maybe someone with some nice boobs. Oh my gosh, do they have a newsletter that we could have them send out-- Oh, that's the problem. --to all their followers? I think it comes on that fucking Hot Topic font, and that's what drives people away. They're like, jeez. Insolent people throw that away immediately. Right. Can't read it because there's so many effects on it. You got to explain to them, it's like, no, no, no. They got Star Wars and Dragon Ball Z and Fallout shirts too. It's like, no, I only see-- Red text on a black background. Yeah, it's instantly.

Yeah. So you guys are going to help them with that. Now, that means 80 people are going to ride to that rendezvous point. Is there anything else we'd like to argue about, semantics-wise, before we set you guys out on the world? Not argue, but I wanted to know-- [SCREAMING] What was that? I have something, but I don't argue. But you go ahead. Oh, OK. I just wanted to know if there was a chance to get a headband of Analect in Fair Bay, since we're heading there rather than going to this place that Tatyana has said is a one-star Yelp. Yelp? Shrelp? --uh, Felp.

--Felp. It's for Theria, so it's Yelp. Felp. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. That makes perfect sense. Felp review. I still want to put that in the book. Oh, man. Bart's got the best reviews. I just-- here's the thing. I just want a one-line blurb. Just, that's all I want. That's just one of those little pop-ups. Anyway, I would say the odds are 75% less you'd find one in Fair Bay, but I'll let you roll for it if you want, or you can buy it here. OK. Sure. I'll roll for it. Sure. What do you want me to roll? Give me a T20 on a 16 or higher. It's in Fair Bay. OK. Lots of 2. It's definitely not in Fair Bay.

So you're going to get to Fair Bay, and they're going to take your shoes. I mean, if you really wanted that ban, Keldon, we could always go back tonight. I think he's going to. Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. What's the insinuation there? It was mostly a joke. We're going to rob him. [LAUGHTER] Wow. I love it. So I thought it just was that you were going to go back and buy it. I mean, I'm in. If we're robbing him, I'm in. It's Tatiana, though. I don't trust her. Yeah, it was Tatiana who said it. Yeah, I don't know. She hasn't stolen anything in a while. We've got to-- How-- Yeah, not since she got caught and beaten up, yeah.

She kind of beat herself up a little bit towards the end. No, you got us all an incredible amount of money. It's true. As much as I would like to see your nimble fingers at work, Tatiana, I think we can make this a legitimate purchase so as not to make enemies here in the city of Esterhold. Tatiana's nimble fingers, that is a shirt. Yeah. So yeah, I guess I'll try and buy it here. We don't have to make it a role play thing if you don't want to. But I would just-- Tatiana would make it a point not to go in with you if you-- OK. So are we plunking down? You know what?

So OK, Tatiana's not going back. But two people coming after a headband of intellect in the same week. I don't know. He might-- I think you roll for it. I think if you ask Larg or Elena to go, we could be very intimidating. Oh, now we're just threatening. OK. Man. Larg and Elena, would you like to come with me? It sounds like-- Oh my gosh. But stealing is so bad. Yeah, you just threatened it. OK, let's let-- are they coming? Larg will go. He will bull in a china shop the shit out of this place. God. Grab some cool arrows if you-- Elena will not go. Thank you. I'm going to roll Intimidate.

OK, give me an Intimidate. So you're going in, and it's like, I knew your friend. And so you're just going to-- I'm just going to loom. I'm not going to say a thing. I'm just going to loom. Oh, shit. I trip on the way in. It's a nat one. That's a fart. That's-- you're like a-- like it's a little squeaker coming from your metal armor. It echoes. So that's a crit one. God damn it. So I say the price goes up to $350. I hope you won't write a review after this experience. And he needs to have that doorway fixed. He trips, stumbles halfway into the room, points back, and says, get that removed.

Storms out. Well, how long has he had this headband of intellect in here? Is he moving product, or is it just sitting on there? Yoast moves product. I think this is a pretty specific thing. So you know-- one, you know that this could go as high as like 500 gold. But that's-- those are human euro prices, right? Like this is a 350's kind of highway robbery for what he's charging right now. Well, we're headed to Brightport. How often does he get out there? I would say probably not at all. Why the hell would he go to Brightport? Ruffians. Ruffians and trade, my friend.

There's a lot of things you can't get in Brightport, or that you can't get here that can be found in Brightport. And we plan on coming back. Now, we're also moving with the retinue. This could be a very lucrative deal for you. Did you get a word a day, Calendar? This is Kaldin's thing! I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's just twice-- I feel dumber having talked to you. Just because I don't use dumb though, fancy words. Yoast is intrigued. So he would kind of just tuck the headband aside. What are we suggesting? Well, there's lots of goods in Brightport.

Is there anything you had your eye on? Something that we can bring back? Or perhaps something that you would like to set up there? A franchise or a relationship. Now, we also know a very wealthy nobleman who's here in town, and has been here for a while. Perhaps there's a relationship that can be struck between the two of you. Get me a persuasion check. Ooh! That was a really good idea. That's a good idea. 19! My god, you have a plus nine. Okay. [LAUGHTER] Cauldron can be charismatic when he cries. It's true! It's better than my persuasion. Yeah. The fuck? You didn't even have to use thunderclap.

It's amazing. I think he's pretty damn intrigued. I think if you were to set him up with Vincent as a concept, I think he could probably shave 150 gold off this. 200 gold, flat. You walk out of it today. Uh, call it all. Yeah, call it all. Try and track down Vincent. Okay. I mean, he's not a hard man to track down. I know what he's saying. Yeah, you're fine. So maybe they could work out a little tete-a-tete. So in fact, that's what I bring up. We don't have to role play it, if you don't want to, but we spend a lot of time not in the town already. Yeah, I tell Vincent, hey, we talked to the bureaucracy here in Esterholt so that you can move forward with a thing we both care about.

And also I've set up a meeting with a very interesting merchant who would like to speak with you about putting a partnership, an investment, a noble investment between the two cities. I love it. Yeah. Okay. You know what? Let's take an extra 25 gold off. 175. Because this would probably net him... I think they'd work something out. Because here's the thing. Vincent's bringing in merch. He deals in trade. Shipping some of the more rare items out? Because here's a little inside baseball. You know that bell you guys have been screwing around with now for the better part of two arcs?

I've heard of it. That's traveled through Yoast. Yoast has sold that to somebody. Really? Yeah, it's been on the show. Yep. So, uh, yeah. That's super interesting. Well, we're never going to show it to us. Don't do that. Yeah, no, here's the thing. Yeah, no. Largest trips and the bell falls out of his car. Demons everywhere. That's a hell of a net one. These demons just fall out of large pockets. So, $175 subtract that you get yourself a headband. I love it. Sold. Yeah, I love to see a partnership come together. That's really what I'm doing this for. It's not about the magic items.

It's about seeing a business partnership come together. Well, I'm glad we can work something out. What is with you? Yoast didn't do anything to you. In the chat. Yoast sucks. That's not... He didn't do anything. He's just trying to run a business. I'm entitled to my opinion on filth. Thank you very much. I can post whatever I want. I've seen my fair share of one star reviews where people were. Oh, let's set you up with a headband. That was so much fun. God, I hope Brightport survives so that... Yeah, really. All right, boom. Your intellect is now 19. Damn. Should have been reading the books with that thing.

Anyway, shall we have the road, everybody? No. No. I want to do one thing. Okay. What do you want to do? I know I really want to go. I want to spend the night at the mayor's house doing some research on curses. She might not want you in her house. I have a key. That doesn't mean you can just come and go. Yeah, like just walking around in pajamas. Yeah, eating their cereal. Just like, crunch, crunch, crunch. Let's say, okay, let's say under the circumstances you are welcome. What are you trying to read up on? Curses. Okay. Okay. I want to find some information about my family.

Okay. I haven't been able to ever. That's... I mean, you basically got assurance from a God that... I have to have insurance on my insurance. Okay. Well then, you know what? Here's what we're going to do. Let's say... So you're not... Would you say you're not sleeping tonight? No, I'm not sleeping tonight. I will take a point of exhaustion. I don't care. Wow. You know what? Here's what we're going to do. I'm ready for a fight. Yeah, but you're trying to fight me. I'm not trying to fight you, Karen. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to give you inspiration to go along with your exhaustion.

How's that sound? You're a very generous person. Okay. That's... That sounded sarcastic, and I don't know why. No, I truly meant it. I know. Okay. Here's what we're going to do. I want you to give me a little checky check. So you're going to read all night, and you're just... So I'm going to give you a choice. Why do you have 369 health? Because I thought that was my gold. Wow. I think it was just 64. I'll put it back. I'm sorry. No, no, no. I just looked and I'm like, "Fuck." I thought that I was not on that screen. My bad. 63. It was a 50... What? 63. Oh, okay. Sorry.

That's okay. I wasn't trying to cheat, I swear. No, I know you're not. I know you're not. It's okay. We got it on video too. So if one of us is wrong, I'll double check. It's fine. So here's what I'm going to give you. I'm going to give you an option. We could leave this up to blind luck. Or I can grade you on a curve here and we can have you roll. Well, geez, your intelligence is not... It's not good. No, it's going to be a D20 no matter what. Okay, just give me a D20. Okay. Okay. Sweet baby Jesus. Yeah, no. That's a four. But I did give you inspiration. Would you like to use your inspiration?

Yes. Okay, go ahead. Give me another one. Better. That's a 10. So you know what the problem is? There's just not a lot of information out there, you know? It's... There needs to be more books written on the subject. However, I'm going to give you a little something something, because you stayed up all night researching. This is a well-stocked library, and I think there'd be a few things in the way of curses. Yay. I'm going to give you two locations. One is Ebony Harbor, and two is Westport in Talor. Those are two locations you could find more out about your particular situation.

Okay. Okay. Perfect. Thank you. No problem. Okay. Are we ready to go? I think so, right? Yeah. Okay. Oh my God. Now I'm nervous. Now. 21 days, baby. 21 days. Who wants to do me a favor? Roll a flat d20 to start your new journey off. Me. Me, Lengesterholt. Who said me? Me. Okay. Give it to me. Flat d20. Here we go. That is a nine from Lengesterholt. It could have been worse. It could have been worse. That's almost halfway. Moving east, you're going to leave Esterholt and start hitting northeast. And your journey is just beginning, obviously. It is still spring time, but it's getting hotter.

You can tell summer is creeping in. I would like all of you to do me a favor and give me a perception check. This is the 10th of all to Ornn. Is this going to be the sexy fight? Right row. Where was that 18? Two seconds. Go. Sorry, I actually did a 20, so that's the first one. Oof. Boy, we get... wow. Okay, so 3, 6, 8, 4. And then we have a 26 and a 27 and a 17. Wow. That's a crit, my friend. That is a crit. Yay. Braelyn and Calli are going to notice something. And I would say it takes a while to dawn on them. But over the course of a day, you're going to see some figures off in the distance.

They're not taking the main road, which in and of itself isn't too crazy. Like people take shortcuts to the wilderness all the time. They might be hunters. They might just be poking around looking for a certain camp or settlement, something like that. You guys are taking a shortcut, but these individuals are dressed all in black. They're trying to blend in, specifically now, as the sun is setting on the 10th of all to Ornn. They're trying to flank you. Now, what's interesting is these are two riders. They don't appear to be in any sort of shape to attack you, but they're definitely keeping an eye on you.

And tracing it back in your head, they've been following you ever since Esterhold. And by the end of the day, they're going to get ahead of you and start to ride back toward the main road. But like at breakneck speed, they're trying to get down the road ahead of you. Whoa, that's so weird. Do I want to investigate? I don't know. Do you? I guess Brelin would look at Kali and then whoever is Kelly and Lark notice or just Kelly? I'd say it's you and Kelly first, and then Lark would probably pick up on it late in the day. This would be four or five times throughout the day that you're noticing.

Because when you're traveling on the main road, sometimes you run across weird people. There are some people who just don't trust the main road because they're different riders. They see a bunch of you guys riding. They don't know if you're bandits. They don't know if you're up to no good, so they might just be avoiding you. So if you were to break from the main road and follow them, that would give them all the information they need. It's like, nope, fuck that. And they'd leave. So Brelin is going to turn to Kelly and Lark and say, hey, these weirdos, you think we should, I should track them or try and see what they're up to?

Um, can you do that? I mean, just go invisible and scope them out. Aren't they like busting, busting ass down the road right now, though? They are busting ass down the road right now. Oh, they're too far. I thought they were like still kind of. I mean, do you want to give chase with Rumpdropper? Poor Rumpdropper. They wouldn't be able to see me coming because I can use an extra spell slot to make Rumpdropper invisible, too. So I'd be riding invisible horse. But the base would give it away. That's the problem. Yeah, I don't think we have time. I mean, I can maybe scry, I guess.

I haven't done this one yet. We would have to stop, though, right? We need to stop. Yeah, it takes 10 minutes for me to cast. Do you want to fly? Guys, I can fly. You can fly now? Yeah, she can. She's got a flying form. I forgot again. Tally, I can. OK, so so somebody has to take control of my horse. My horse. Sorry, I'm so excited. I'll take the horse. No trade backs. And then I'm going to be sheep. Into a hawk. So you're you're going to follow these guys? Yeah. OK. How long do you get to be a hawk, by the way? As many hours as half my druid level, five hours. I think that sounds about right.

Hold on. I have it right here. You can stay in B shape for a number of hours equal to half your druid level. Yeah, so five hours. Oh, that's so cool. OK, here's what we're going to do. Here's what we're going to do. You're going to follow these guys for two hours. Two hours. They're busting ass down the road. And what you're going to do is you're going to go past a bridge. If you look on the map, there's a bridge that it crosses this this pretty major river. And what basically Heroes' March is divided into two halves. You would be on the high mantle forest side and they are going to stop.

And it looks like they're setting up camp for the night. And they're they're pretty well ahead of the group at this point. They're making no secret that they're trying to just haul ass down the road. And what they're going to do is they're going to set up camp very quickly. And they are pretty far off the main road. There's a set of trees around where they are. So there'd be a place for you to perch if you'd like to. Sure. OK, do you get any bonuses to Perception as a hawk? I don't think so. I feel like you should. Division? Something like that? I don't know.

I don't have any stats for... I mean, it's a hawk. I mean, yeah, that's true. I feel like you should, right? Hold on a second. Let's look up a hawk. OK. Are you a giant hawk or just a hawk? I mean, whatever you let me be. Like, can I be a giant hawk? Hold on a second. A dire hawk? I just want to be Maui from Moana, OK? Giant hawk. OK, let me ask you a question. What does it say for your flying form specifically? What's the challenge rate? One half. One half? Yeah. OK, hold on. Oh, wait. No, one. Just kidding. I was looking at my... Water. It's one. OK. It's called a diesel hawk.

So let's use giant hawk. Yes. OK, so you're going to get a plus four to your perception. From what I already have? What do you have is your perception right now? Oh, it's a plus nine. Oh, let's just go with the plus nine. OK. It's like in... No, what we're going to do is, OK, you're going to get advantage on perception because you're... OK. OK. Let's do that. That sounds good. Yeah, I agree. Oh, you have a tree stride. That's so weird. I'm joking. Jason, you were doing so good. OK, you were getting a lot of your things. You're right. I'm going to roll this perception back.

Wow, we're going to ditch that too and take an eight. So 17. Still pretty good. Now let me ask you a question. Is the group still riding forward? I think so. Yeah, I would assume so. We shouldn't break pace. So you just got a lally a work claw, which is Callie's horse, and you just got it in tow and you're riding. OK, so I would say that these guys are probably 40, 45 minutes ahead of you by now. Callie is going to see... One of them is setting up a small camp. Like we're talking bear buns. Like they're not planning to stay there for the night. The other one is performing some sort of ritual.

This is blood magic. And you're going to... I would say with a 17, you're going to see that they have a book open. They're getting ready to summon something nasty. Maybe a few nasty things. They are clearly trying to stop the party. That's rude. Wow, so somebody is spying on us. This is not good. I'm just trying to go steal the book. Oh, I am a giant hawk. Can I do that? You can try. Would you like to try? Yeah, yeah, I want to take the book. And if I can, I want to drop it in the water. Well, okay, so what... Okay. I'm gonna swoop down like a hawk does. Try to grab the book.

So here's what I want you to do. The book is a stationary object, but it's pretty low to the ground. Right, right? So I want you to use your talons. So basically you're just trying to... You're basically trying to drive by this book. Has Calli ever been a hawk before? No. Okay, so I'm not gonna take anything away from your hawk. I would figure that you're just... This comes pretty natural to you. Yeah. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I studied hawks in the past. So here's what I want you to do. Mm-hmm. I'm gonna give you the option to swoop down and try and take this book.

Now, obviously they're not really expecting a giant bird to come out of the trees, and you know, so that's cool. True. Now I want you to roll a d20 plus five. Now hold on a second. If you roll a 13 or higher, you're gonna grab this book and it's gonna be lickety split. You're just gonna grab this book and grab it. Now, should you roll a 12 or lower, they're gonna see you coming and retaliate. Okay. That guy looking out is gonna... Yeah, and remember you have the hit points of a bird. Right, but then I revert back to myself, so... That's true. Then you have a new problem.

Yes. Okay. Okay, this worked out really well last time, guys. So it's definitely... The last time you were a bird? No, the last time I had to roll above a certain number. So all you gotta do is roll 13 or higher, you're gonna get yourself a book. Okay. Okay? Hmm. Okay. d20 plus five. I'm so scared. No! That is a crit one. Oh my god. It's so bad. I just fly right into their fire. I cook myself. So this... Holy shit. Okay. So bad. Wait, don't you have inspiration? No, she just had inspiration. She used it for the last bad roll she did. Oh my god. Alright. Garret's not having a great night.

So... Calli is going to eye these two. Some might say like a hawk. Swoop down big, big hawk wings descending upon this target and get clotheslined to shit. Just this other guy, like, while this ritual is being performed, and they're carving up this palm and like, draining blood into this, you know, fucking shape. Like, this is really an intense ritual. I would say the other person, this female, who is watching out for anybody, is going to hear you descend and just club the shit out of you. And you're going to fall to the ground, and I'm guessing you're going to transform back into Calli.

Probably. I don't know how many hit points a hawk has, but not many. Uh, 22. Okay. So let's do the-- I don't know how the damage transfers or whatever, but here's what we're gonna do. Let's say 2d6. Nine damage. Okay, I'm still hawk. Okay. Right? You want to still be a hawk? Yeah, I want to get the fuck out of there. Okay, then we're gonna roll initiative. Okay. Okay. So, okay, hold on a second. I guess we're doing this. Y'all wanted a fight tonight, right? Hawk fight, hawk fight, hawk fight. Okay. This is just the most ridiculous thing ever. I'm so sorry. It's pretty silly.

But like, not-- we've done sillier, I think. I mean, there was a whole wagon. Oh yeah. Yeah, but this is silly with like, demons layered underneath. Yeah. I tried to do a good thing. I mean, it would have been so cool. I think it would have been-- I think that was an awesome move. That didn't work out, and I'm sorry, but the cavalry's coming. In like 40 minutes. Which is like 500 rounds. That's a lot. So we're just gonna use-- we're just gonna use stats for a giant eagle. Okay. It's basically the same, but that's 22. So, nine. Nine damage. I shouldn't have been a giant hawk.

They wouldn't have seen me as much. It's a big bird. That's the problem. Huge bird. But if you were a tiny bird, you couldn't have picked up a book. That's true. That would have been a whole new project. Oh no! You're a big hawk. Are they really pro-ex assassins? Which one clubbed you, because I'm not placing that one? The guy-- the guy-- Over the warrior? She-- yeah, she looks like-- yeah, she's the one looking like she's holding a club. The other one is summoning stuff. Don't worry about that one. Right now, anyway. I don't know. They're still summoning stuff?

Yes. Wait, why would Drow be following us? For Haldan and Brelan? I mean, that's what they were doing before they were working for the Black Hand. It was a cold, packin' astral. I was like, that must be what this is from. From Darmox. This better not be Yost. This-- if Yost is the mole, I'm gonna-- Yost didn't do nothing! Yost is just a businessman, just doing business stuff. Just a business man. Just like we're going to meet a trapper. It's Vincent Delorne. Guys, he's from Brightport. Vincent's my very good boy. He would never. Oh, I think I already thought that it was him last session.

Yeah, maybe you guys are just racist. No, it's he's from Brightport. Yeah, lots of people are from Brightport. Or I don't think it's Serif. I think it's Vincent, you guys. Like, high key. Anyway, do me a favor. Give me a role for initiative. I'm gonna have these guys role for initiative. It's gonna be great. Oh! Kill him! No! Oh my god. It's so great, guys. That's a two. Okay, well, that's good. All right. Oh, yeah, no, it rolled for you. No, there we go. We can take that other one. We're not taking it. Just leave it in there. We're taking the two, Karen. Let's do it. Okay, so the one with the fucking shillelagh is gonna target-- Oh.

Holy hell, this is rough. Hmm. Fly back home, mama bird. But, like, I kind of really want to try to grab it again, though. Stop! I love your moxie. Is the ritual still being done or did it stop for now? No, it's being done. It's not a thing you can really stop so much. So that's the cool thing is-- Okay, so here's the bad thing. That's the assassin that's going to target this eagle. And, well, let's start with assassinate. During its first turn, the assassin has advantage on attack rolls against any creature that hasn't taken a turn. Any hit the assassin scores against the surprised creature is a critical hit.

So that's for starters. Then it gets sneak attack damage if it does hit. All right, you guys. Okay, and it gets a multi-attack. Jesus Christ. Okay, short sword. Let's do it. This could miss. This could totally miss. No, but I have, what, the AC of a giant hog? Well, yeah. Which is, like, what, seven? Thirteen. Oh, it's better than mine, so okay. Uh, we're dropping a two to take a seven, which gives it 14. That's actual bullshit. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. Here's what we're gonna do. Shit. Okay, so. So the critical hit. Yeah. Wait, but is it on surprised? But she's not surprised.

She accounts as surprised because her first attack. So that's first off right there. So that's a crit. Then the sneak attack damage, which is a 4d6 extra damage. So that's 16. Plus, can you do me a favor? Could you really come save? For poison? Yes. Because I have resistance. You do have it. You do have resistance. Cool. So roll again. Roll it again? Yeah. Cool. Oh my god, Karen. Oh my god, Karen. That's a six and a three. You rolled worse the second time. So, oh boy. So you take an extra 76 poison damage. Here's what we're gonna do. That's 18. Okay, you're unconscious.

So no, I'm just not a hawk anymore. Right? That's how that works? Well, that damage is gonna carry over. Yeah, but I'm unconscious. Well, I'm giving you the option to be unconscious. Oh, I see. Would you like to be unconscious? Yeah. So you're gonna be taken prisoner, not dead. They're gonna stop stabbing you is what it is. Oh, okay, cool. So you're going... So club boom hawk goes down. Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. And then you're gonna revert to Callie. And just kind of stagger around. And I imagine they're going to tie you up. And they're gonna continue this ritual.

While you're laying there, could you do me a favor? Can you give me a perception check? Sure. The group is like 35 minutes away. Perfect. Fuck everything. Oh my god, could you tell everybody at home what you just did? It's almost a crit. 28, my perception. So... That's pretty perceptive for being unconscious. It's really perceptive. I imagine she's just got a really stationary view of that perception. It's tunnel vision, guys. This drow is going to slice their hand open and drip blood over this runic, these drawings in the grass. And the ground is going to start to crack open.

And several demonic hands... Actually, here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna leave everyone's fate in Karen's hands tonight. All right, well gg guys. Here's what we're gonna do. Two different types of demons are going to be summoned. One of them is something called a "cousal demon." God damn it. No. Can I get a flat d4 from you? You want low rolls. Oh good. Perfect. Four! Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. So that's four casal demons. The second is one that you're familiar with. It's called a "clique corps." Now, could you do me a favor? Uh-huh. Roll a flat d6 for me.

You want low rolls too. I know how to spell that in my notes. Good. Good. So as Calli is laying here, these demonic hands are going to spring up from the ground and slowly pull themselves up. And Calli is suddenly going to be surrounded by six of these demonic creatures. And I think that's a pretty good time for us to stop for the evening. Has anyone seen Calli in a while? She was a bird. No, but I did hear the distant sound of a hawk getting clubbed today. I'd know it anywhere. This is day one of 21 days. What? Why? We should have used that travel die. We have that triumphant Lord of the Rings music as we're leaving the town and then instantly just goes gets fucked.

Cut to like cut to clotheslining a bird.