Sun and Thunder

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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Check out patreon.com/dandr to find out more. Previously for Group C, with a long voyage nearly halfway over, the group is narrowing in on the continent of Kodai. Their intention is to beat the royals there and find a way to power all of the gates in Theria, perhaps unlock a new fast travel system for the entire world. And that's where we pick things up today. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, start with Ryan. Hey everyone, I'm Ryan and I play Varys Alder, the half-elf monk.

And Lisa. Hey, I'm Lisa and I play Elorath B. Seer, the halfling barbarian. And Bree. Hi, my name is Brianna Marie and I play Klara Urath Dale, the half-drow fighter. And Mandy. Hi guys, this is Mandy and I play Iris Hawker, the human cleric. Praise Vecna. And Jasper. Howdy, I'm Jasper. I play Merrick Ethelred, human Clairelock. And last and certainly not least, Zach. What's up, my name is Zach and I play Iveline Bates, the human fighter. Everybody out there, if you're not on my Patreon and you don't listen to behind the scenes, all I can say is you're missing out.

Well, yeah, you're missing something, alright. Just wash your butts. Please wash your butt. Oh, no. Hashtag, wash your butt. Everybody do, give me a flight T20, see what condition your butts are in. Let's go. Okay. Oh my gosh. Okay, here we go, that's how we're starting things off. Desert ass. Okay, wow, wow, Iveline, Iris 20s. Alright. Elarath, you're rocking a six. Elarath got swampy desert butt. That's not gonna do. Oh, we just got off the boat. Oh no, this is only gonna get worse. She is a barbarian. I mean, like, not known for her health and hygiene. Merrick. I'm not playing your butt games.

You know what, I'll roll for you. Oh, Jesus, okay, I got it. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, that was, I didn't mean to do it then. Aw, shit. I'm not surprised. He's a werewolf, of course. Wait, that first roll was for your werewolf butt and then the regular human butt. What is that, as soon as he changes, he just poops himself? As he changes back, he goes into the restroom and cleans himself up. There are creatures that live all over the world, whether they're in the ocean or whether they're mammals that live on land, that when they get frightened and they have to run away from a predator, they evacuate themselves.

And I imagine it's the opposite for his werewolf, so he turns into a werewolf and it just poops everywhere. Guys, don't worry, it's in the artwork for the book. It's there. It's just... So if you like what you just heard, which is why I wish you, you're gonna want to listen to me behind the scenes. Kickstarter's are all about. All right, let's pick things up on the continent of Kodai. I think we've put this off long enough and it's time to start exploring. Last time you had a lovely chat with the crew members. You bid them farewell, and there's something I want to ask you guys in just a few seconds, but I had you roll a flat D20 to see how your adventure on Kodai was going to start.

And you rolled a 15, so that is an excellent, excellent start. Now, we already got into the fact that Kodai is a desert continent. It is oppressively hot. When you guys disembarked, it is the middle of the day. And 120 degrees Fahrenheit was the temperature we left off on. Each one of you are weighed down with quite a lot of stuff in your packs, including three gallons of water each. That is a lot. A gallon of water for everyone out there weighs about eight pounds, somewhere in there. So you're each rocking... Oh, oh, oh, oh, 8.34 pounds per gallon. Thank you!

Oh, what a nerd. It's like, it's nice having a water god on our... It really is nice. I was like waiting to see what you'd say. I was like, oh, you're right. It is about eight pounds. Thank you. I, you know, I'm not trying to completely... No, you're correct. Thank you. So you guys are rocking about, what, 25, 26 pounds of just water? That's a lot. So the good news is you're going to blow through that pretty quickly, as each one of you in 12 hours or so of walking are going to need to gulp down about two gallons or so. And finding water is going to be at a premium in terms of your next thing.

Keep an eye out for water. Shall we get started? Yes. Absolutely. Okay. So you're getting away from the shoreline here. And what I need to do is kind of set a scene for you, because this isn't like you're on the beach. This isn't that kind of sand. This is like fluffy, powdery, blows in the wind type of sand. You're going to have to shield your eyes a lot as wind kicks up off these dunes and just kind of hoses your face down with water. Or sand. I wish it was water. Sorry. So you're going to have to keep your footing underneath of you as you kind of march. It's tough to... it's kind of tough to make up time here because you're weighed down with all this gear.

Most of you are in armor of some sort. And the sun is just beating down on you. Can everyone give me a perception check, please? Hell yeah, I'm good. Yeah. Very nice. Okay. So can I ask who's leading the charge here? Who's going to be your Sherpa in Kodai? I would think it might be Clara because she did the most research. That's true. I think Clara should lead the way. Wait, does this depend on perception? Because if so, nah, nah, nah, nah. No, no, no. We're going to rely on your survival. You're going to be leading the way, making sure everybody doesn't get lost in the desert.

Yeah, that's slightly better. Or Jasper. No, this isn't Clara. Look at Merrick. Yeah, no, it's Clara. It is Clara. Clara? Oh, no, Jasper. Before you, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Before you do that, you guys left the ship. How long is the crew waiting for you guys? Like, is there a... Okay, is this a thing where you guys were like, "Hey, if we're not back in a week and a half or two weeks, don't die here." Like Seymour the dog. I mean, in terms of size of continent, if we were to get to the center looking at some maps, I imagine this would be like a Varus looking at maps situation where it's roughly, forgetting terrain and the worst case scenarios, what should it take us to get to the middle of this island?

Like, what would be the halfway point in terms of days? Because we can just work it out that way. Right. So if you compare this to, let's say, Alara, right? It's obviously a fraction of the size of Alara, but you're still dealing with miles and miles of desert. And the tricky thing about this is all of this surface area kind of looks the same. It's just sand and dunes and, you know, every once in a while there'll be a rock formation or a dead tree, something like that, but it's tricky to find your way through. It's kind of like being stuck in the middle of a forest.

So it should take you roughly two and a half to three days to get where you're going. Okay. And that's, you know, barring anytime you get lost, it's, you know, making, your weather has to kind of cooperate with you and all that stuff. But yeah, that should be about what you're looking at. Okay. So no matter what, they would know, don't expect us for a week at all. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No matter what. Even the best case, everything goes great. You got a week before you need to start paying attention. At that point, it's everything's cool if you haven't seen us for a week and a half.

And at a week and a half, you got to start thinking, okay, should we start checking our supplies, making sure we're okay? Like, in other words, start figuring out whether or not they should be taking off or not and basically hold out as long as they can. But I would say two weeks and that's all we got. And remember, they have lots of food and water. That's what I was going to ask was how much provisions would they have for waiting? Yeah, you guys prepared for a very long trip. Okay. And, you know, thanks to a certain demon pact, the ship's a little bigger.

It's a little more well stocked. They're fine. But this is one of those things where how long do they wait before they just go, oh, I think they're not coming back, guys? So I, Varus would at least make the suggestion that we take account how many days it would take to get back. We give them a couple, we add on a couple more in case, you know, the ship goes awry or anything else. And let's say that's whatever, a week to get back to wherever they need to go. I think we subtract those provisions and say, wait that long and then go. I think that makes total sense.

I like it. Because that's also the that's the longest we would stay here anyways. So that also gives us, you know, if we do want to hunker down and kind of stay there, if we get to a location where, like, oh, we need to be here for a little bit to study or to do something that gives us a little bit of time. But then also, like we have a deadline to hit as well. Yeah, that makes total sense. Could we I'm going to complicate this a little bit. Could we could we ask them, and I think this is all going through, I imagine this is a big conversation with our captain who basically needs to give these orders.

But instead of leaving the way we came, could they go around to the east and around the southern port of the island, part of the island? Basically, my point is, is like, if you have to leave, if it's if it's at the point where you must leave, go around the island just to give us one more chance to be able to make our way to the shore in the other direction. Does that make any sense? Like, rather than having to backtrack, if it's like, they're already gone, we know they're gone. Let's let's head west and hit the shore. Maybe they'll see us. Does that make any sense?

That's a long trek. Yeah. Fuck it. I forget it. All the trouble we had with getting the ship through the barrier islands. I know I'm just contingency. I'm really nervous right now. So, you know, you know, just, just, they can leave. Just leave now. I have no idea. We'll just get back home. Yeah. How about this? How about the 17th of Doolin? So that is... 11 days? Yeah. That's so short. That's a week and a half. You're three days from your destination. Would you rather say two weeks? That doesn't sound too bad. Yeah, let's say at a week, week and a half, get ready and start paying attention and see if you can see any signs from us in any way.

Keep a lookout, have Augie looking out in our direction after a week and a half to make sure if any, there's a flare that goes up or something. After two weeks, you're, you know, you're probably on your own. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think that sounds absolutely fair. All right, so that's enough of the logistics and all that nonsense. I just had to, you know, think of it as you guys filling out a will, that type of thing. Like I just need to know. So 15. You guys wrote a 15. That's fantastic. So the weather is going to be on your side as much as it can be. And for the next several hours, you're going to be hiking.

And it's a monotonous slog as the sun is. It's just radiating off the sand. You can feel heat coming from the ground, as well as the sky. There is nothing to give you shade at all. It is, it feels like the sun is closer to you than it has ever been. And you're going to hike over dunes and then kind of slide down and you're going to continue to do this over and over again. Clara, can I get a survival check please? You sure can. Could you do me a favor? Well, I would be happy to. Could you share that map again because I lost it? Okay. Shazam. Oh, yeah, there it is.

I was trying to get rid of my arrow and I accidentally closed out the whole thing and then I opened up maps and there were a lot of maps. Anyway, survival check. Got it. Can I argue advantage because of how good I know where it is? No. Let's pretend I said that right. Okay. How about if I said that correctly? I'm going to say no because you've never been here and reading about something is a little different than actually hiking through it. It's, you know. Can't blame a girl for trying. Not at all. All right. Ten. You know, my own black dice are pissing me off now.

The old black on black. Yeah, that was really cute and then I, you know, it depended on it. So. Yes, ten. You're going to get a little lost. Just a little bit. Could you roll a d4 for me please? Okay. Am I aiming high or low? Oh, you're aiming low. Okay, I thought so. I'm closing my eyes, guys. Oh. Okay. So for the next four hours, you're going to get lost. And it's really tough to tell. Because, again, it's just the only thing you can go by are your own footprints and tracks. So you're going to see where you're kind of, you know, eventually you're going to kind of come up over a dune and you're going to think you're heading in a straight line.

And you're not. It's almost as if you're marching with your eyes closed. It's terrible. So you're going to- Oh, she is. Did I not mention that? Clara doesn't like the sun, so she actually pulled it up over her eyes. Oh, okay. They really shouldn't be following her anymore. Is this a thing where you would tell anybody? Oh, that she thinks that she might be lost? Yeah. Oh, yeah. As soon as she realizes, she would be like, "Okay, everyone stop." Like, she's not big on the pride thing. Like, she's very much like, "I'll ask for help." Okay. You know? Yeah. Do you think that would be before the four hour mark, Jason?

Or do you think it's like four hours and we're lost? I think- let's say that she discussed it two hours in. Okay. It took you guys another two hours to get back on. You're like, "Okay, I think this is right. Okay, go, go, go, go, go." So your first day- Oh, the sun rises from the east. Got it. Actually, in theory, the sun comes up out of the ground. It's crazy. Ah! From Kodai. From Kodai! Like, yeah. You guys are standing on the sun. We're the sun, yeah. So- Might as well be walking on the sun. Ah, it's like, it's summer in the 90s. You know what? That's how we're gonna write it when we do the Kodai book.

It's just summer in the 90s all the time. It's that and like Smash Mouth? There was Smash Mouth. Wait, was it? Yes. I only know Smash Mouth from their one song. What? I didn't think about their other song. Oh my god, Smash Mouth had a lot of hits. I know the song, obviously. I just never associated it with Smash Mouth, who in my mind has only ever sang one song. They hate that, by the way. They do. They really do. I think, didn't they recently- they recently got over it. Like, they're playing into the meme now. But they hated it for a long time. Here's the thing.

Listen to Fu Shumang. That album is fantastic. It's silly. It's kind of ska-ish. I think I actually own that album. It was well before Shrek. Anyway. I think that was our car album. So, I'd say a third of this day is gonna be kind of wasted. But that's okay. You're getting your sand feet under- that sounded racist for some reason? You're getting your land legs. So... I've heard that's a thing. Like transitioning back to solid ground. Yeah! So, yeah. You're just- I'm with you. You have used up two thirds of your water. What? Yep. In four hours? No, no, no, no, no. This is gonna- we're at the end of the day.

So- Oh, okay. I was like- Yeah. The sun is set and you guys are, I'm guessing, making camp? It's gonna get a bit chilly. So- What's the date today? Like, not- like, tonight? The sixth. The sixth of Doolin. I think we do have travel dye, don't we? Yes. Or did we roll it? We rolled it starting our adventure last session. Okay. Oh, I thought you had a travel- hold on a second. I marked down you had a travel dye. Did you do something to get a travel dye? Did you give us travel dye because we did such good roleplay last time? Talking about our emotions and stuff? Yeah, that those are Christmas ones?

That's not it. Um... No. So, um... Yes! Wow. Okay. It's a hard no. So you guys are gonna crash for the evening and you're- so one of the tough things in the desert here is going to be water. You know it's somewhere, but you have a limited amount of time to find it. So we went through two gallons in a day? Yeah. It's hot. It's soup's hot. So this is absolutely going to be something that's on Merrick's mind the whole time. This is PTSD constant, right? He's just like marching, but this feels very familiar and wrong and horrible. If there's any thinking about water and possible oases or anything like that of any sort, he's got it on his mind.

So if there's any sort of camping, he's going to be figuring that shit out. Or at least trying to. You know what? Can Merrick give me a survival check? I'll do my best. Oh my. Four. So Merrick, while everyone's setting up camp, Merrick is going to take a walk. Not a long walk, but he's going to hear a noise. Kind of a... That kind of thing. Kind of a... Yeah, almost like a snickering or a clicking. Does he punch his stomach? Is inner demons acting up? No, this sounds like a scorpion in my mind. So Merrick is going to crest over this dune, and he's going to see a few scorpions.

Yeah. Good, good, good call. Told ya. Now, he's going to see them, and they're hovering over this very small pool of water, like a puddle. What would Merrick like to do? He's going to go... This is the first water you've seen, by the way. Oh yeah. These are scorpion scorpions, not like crazy, dire scorpions or magical spirit scorpions or some stuff, right? Well, I should clarify. Everything's bigger on Kodai. Great. These are... If I had to give you a size, think like a smart car. Oh, Jesus. So, wait a minute. No. That's a subtle thing to just leave out, Jason. You're right.

I left that out. It's just three scorpions, you know, it's okay. What? Think a smart car with a tail. Uh... Is this... How many? Well, let's see. Oh, come on. Do me a favor. Roll a d6. No. Hang on. Okay. Did you see it? Nope. What? It was a one. I swear. Well, I'll do it again. That means it's a zero. There it is. See, look, it actually happened. It's late for some reason, but they did it. I do not see any dice rolls. I see a one. Oh, there's a one. I do too. Wow. I'm getting swag. There was like a 15-second delay. Yeah. That's super weird. Okay. Did I say a few? That's not what I meant.

I meant a single scorpion. I can imagine that his vision and his thinking is probably like, "Is that like a pile of scorpion?" "Oh, no. It's just one big one." Yes. I like that he went for transformer scorpion before. What time of day is it? This is sort of camp time. This is like the sun's setting. It's going to get chilly. Yeah. So there's an orange glow behind you as the campfire going because it gets chilly in the desert. Okay. All right. So I'm up for a long rest coming up pretty soon to be able to sort of reset myself a little bit is my thinking. And he sees this huge-ass scorpion hovering around a water source.

Right? Yep. Very small water source. Yes. Very small but only water source. Okay. Is anybody else -- actually, this is the scenario. Mary's crested this dune. Everybody's setting up camp. He's like, "I'm going to go check and see if I can find any water just in case." And he's going to hit this crest of a dune. He's going to look down. He's going to see this huge-ass scorpion. And he's going to look around and see if anybody's looking in his direction or like following him. And that's a question to the group. I was about to say, yeah. I can't. Yeah. Oh, just going off of -- Oh, I think so.

-- Ferris is passive. I think he would be paying attention at least a little bit. Like probably not staring but if Merrick looks back at the group for a little bit, then he would probably recognize that. All right. He's just going to kind of give a thumbs up. Not like, "Yeah!" but like still checking kind of a thing. But if he goes down that dune and he's out of sight, how far away would he be here? Would he be close enough or far enough away? From the party? No, sorry. From the scorpion. I'd say you're like 45, 50 feet from the scorpion. Okay. The scorpion is just sort of preoccupied, I imagine, at this point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's doing scorpion shit. Yeah, scorpion. Reading the scorpion book or whatever. Okay. He's just going to come straight up. He's just going to march up. He's like, "Okay, water." I imagine this has been a pretty rough day. Oh. I mean, right? For -- Oh, yes, yes. No, it's been a shitty day. Really shitty. He's just going to march right up within about 10 feet of this scorpion. And assuming that the scorpion isn't going to sort of charge him down as he's walking towards, he's going to cast a spell and he's going to try to kill the damn thing. Get it out of the way.

He's going to cast Hold Scorpion. Hold Scorpion. Do Hold Scorpion. As you're rolling the dice for that, I would like to mention, if Varys locks eyes with Merrick and then Merrick kind of gives like this, "All right," you know, type of signal, and then starts walking down the dune and he's no longer in line of sight, Varys would go take his place on the top of that dune just to remain in line of sight with everybody. That makes sense. I'm going to be casting a spell that is from his new Warlock connection that's called Arms of Hadar, which is -- it's this -- he's going to basically invoke this dark demonic power that's basically just going to pummel the shit out of this scorpion.

It's going to come out of him. If it's successful, if we can do this, it's going to be just sort of inky blackness of smoke and weird shadows and all kind of shit. It's going to come out of him, out of his body, almost like it's just emanating from him. And it's going to take the form, however, of rather than just tendrils of an octopus or something, it's going to be like -- you're going to see wolf shapes and claws and just teeth and gnashing of werewolfism. And I would like to do this, but I do not have it in Fantasy Grounds. But I can just tell you what happens if that's okay.

I can give you a spell. Kind of blue balling us there. Yeah, a little bit. We don't even have an initiative tracker right now anyway, do we? Well, I mean, you know... I can just tell you what happens. Surprise round. Here, there you go, Arms of Hadar. Oh, actually I had it. Alright, cool. Hey, all's well at ends well. Okay. So what's that? So what I did -- so I'm going to invoke this. Please cut all of this out of the podcast. It's not worth the first spell. Please cut this out. I'm going to double it, actually. Just fix it in post. Each creature in this area must make a Strength saving throw.

Oh, okay. So I've just rolled -- there we go. So 16. Okay. Is that a save? I don't know how things work anymore, because we haven't had combat in eight years. Well, I think your DC's a 13. Yeah. So that means the Scorpion's saved. On a failed save, a target takes 2d6 necrotic damage. Wait, no, no, no. On a failed save -- on a successful save, the creature takes half damage. Okay. So give me 2d6. Well, just give me 1d6, I guess. Aw, man. Well, that sucked. That is not how it's supposed to go. It happens, you know? Well, you know, 1. God, you know what? Just cut all of a second.

Can we start over? To be honest, I do think you still roll the normal damage, and then you halve that. Right. So give me another d6. Fine. Oh, no! I tried to help you. I really did. You did great. I love you, Jasper. I'm sorry. No, no, it's fine. So the scenario is this. He's like, "I got this." And he's like, "Oh, what a fucking day. I'm just gonna take care of this." He's gonna walk up to this scorpion and he's gonna go, "Ooh, yeah." And this is gonna be this weird power that he's never really used before, but he knows he intuitively has. And it's gonna have this werewolf feeling to it, and it's gonna go...

On the side of the scorpion. Yeah, it's -- okay. So the scorpions could be like, "What the fuck?" And march on over. Wait, so it's also a talking scorpion. Yes. No. It has a very nonchalant attitude about life and the universe and everything. Look, look, man, you're not the only one who's had a tough day. Shit. So I imagine everybody, you know, you're covering up, but your skin has that dry, like the hot... Hot air is just blasting. Your skin just kind of feels all cracky and just like, "Oh, man, I could use some aloe right about now." The scorpion is going to march on up, and it's covering a good deal of ground, because it's a big-ass scorpion.

And it's gonna wander on up to Marek, and it is going to swing once with its claws. And... ten. That's probably not gonna do anything. So it's gonna swing out with its claws, big-ass, like... Mm-mm. Mm-mm. So it's either gonna clamp down on armor, or it's gonna miss you entirely. And then it's gonna rear back with its tail. Good luck. Eighteen. Good luck. [Laughter] Well... What? [Laughter] I... I don't... This is fine. Yeah, no, no, it's totally cool. Totally cool. I like it. So, okay, hold on. Nine piercing damage. Can I get a Constitution saving throw from you?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do that. Okay. Dude, it's fine. I got this. Oh, okay, you're good. You're good. You're good. Yeah. Okay. So that's a twenty-two. You're gonna save just fine. No problem. No problem. No problem. Let me add you to the thing, 'cause this is not going the way I'm thinking. This is totally fine. No, this is fine. So, no, I got more. I got more. I'm gonna... This is it. I got this. Okay. So... Where's my spells? There they are. [Laughter] I picture in the middle of combat, like, breaking out a book, it's like, "Uh, hold on, hold on." Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's holding his finger, but, "Wait one second, one second, one second." No, this is gonna be fine.

This is absolutely fine. I'm going to immediately perform another one of his more recent things. And he's going to point his finger. He's actually gonna hold his finger up. He is. He's gonna say, "Hang on a second." And he's gonna point it at the scorpion and be like, "What the fuck?" And he's going to whoosh, and there's going to be hellish flames that surround this scorpion. And the scorpion's gonna have to make a Dex saving throw. Oh! Okay. Shit. [Laughter] He's gonna be like, "Not today!" Okay, 19. Let me put this out there into the universe. Please do.

Because Maric was on the dune, we made eye contact. He starts walking off and breaks line of sight. Varys is walking over. If he starts hearing combat and spells break off, he's gonna probably go into a little bit of a jog. If he pressed that dune and sees this going on, he will yell for everybody in Russian. In Russia? Yeah, yep. There we go. It was Brest last episode. It's Russian this episode. I could've swore he said Russian. I'm gonna yell in Russian. I don't know how that's gonna help. Okay, do me a favor. Wait, wait, wait. On a failed save, on a failed save, half damage.

And I'm doing this at a higher level. I've got 3d10. It's gonna be half of that. And I just did the 2 and a 3. So 9, 10, 11, 12. 14. So 7 damage. Hellfire damage. Because he's pissed. He's tired. This is not going the way he's supposed to. He's just like, "Just stop!" That's what I was gonna ask for, Varys, as a perception roll. That's an 8. He's still walking over there, but I'm not gonna hear it. So, yeah, like in a round or two, you'll be there. Okay. Okay, so this, okay, you know what? Another claw. We, 21. Sure, whatever. 5. It's 5-inch. That's fine, I can take that.

And another sting. 10. That's not even gonna do anything to you. No, I'm dodging. I'm like, "Stop it!" Stop fighting back. So, yeah, big-ass scorpion is maybe a little clumsy. Maybe a little, yeah. Alright. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. Alright. You ready? Oh, oh, shit. Sorry, I hit you with a claw attack. Could you do me a favor? Yeah, I can do that. You are grappled. Yeah, of course I'm grappled. So technically I should have got advantage on that stick. Don't worry about that, though. We'll worry about that next time. So, from escape, it's a DC of 12. Alright, what do you want me to do?

Well, if you want to get out of that claw, you're gonna have to try to escape. But, yeah, that's up to you. I do want to try to escape. Okay, that's your action. Okay, that's my action. I'm doing it. Okay! Alright, what do you want me to do? Give me athletics. What do I do here? Yeah, I can do that. You think I know what I'm doing, that's why I'm like me? I, you do know what you're doing. You're the most composed of all of us. Yeah, I got an 18. 18, so you escape. So you're gonna wriggle out of this thing, and you're not... Of course I do. Do you want to move? Uh, uh, uh, yeah, I want to move back, uh, yeah, I want to move back, uh, uh, it's about 20 feet.

Okay, so you're gonna take an opportunity attack. No, I'm gonna stay there. I'm gonna stay there. Okay, so we're, okay, so he's gonna do the same thing, and he's gonna do, uh, claw. And... Not gonna work. 18's not gonna work. That's not, that's not gonna phase you. No. Uh, so he's gonna swing with a stinger, 21. That will phase you. Uh, nine damage to Marek. Um, boy. Uh, okay, hold on. Uh, can I get a constitution saving throw, please? Oh my god. [laughter] It's fine, it's fine, this is all good. That is a crit fail, so that's- Wait, no, I have a nine. Oh, I see, I'm sorry, I missed, I, wrong one.

Yeah, no, the saving, yeah. So, you're gonna take, uh, 18 damage and poison. Great. Oh, no problem. It's just once, so it doesn't matter. Kidding. If you die- I'm not gonna die. To one long scorpion, and your last words to the party were, "I'm gonna go check out some water, guys, I'll be right back." You just fucking get murked by a scorpion- one scorpion! Not done. One more round and you get to jump in, Varys. [laughter] Okay. [laughter] I love that Ryan thought he was gonna be the one. Okay, okay. No more playing around, you got this. Yeah, no, this is, I'm done, I'm done.

You're done? So, at this point, so, I'm not trying to make all of this light and just ridiculous, this is like the end of a long ass day. Yeah. Marek is very, he's just like, "Give me some water, I'm not doing this again." He sees the scorpion, he's just like, "Get out of my way." The scorpion keeps trying to attack him, he's like, "Ah, what the fuck?" And so, he is going to, no shit, cast fireball at the fucking scorpion. [laughter] Hey, wait a minute, feller. What? Yeah. I'm not talking about this one. You were restrained. No, he escaped. No, no, no, no.

You escaped? Oh, okay. He escaped, he escaped. Last round, okay. Okay, so you're casting fireball. Hang on. [laughter] I agree. I look at you like, "Ah, maybe?" Nukid, baby. I'm going to back up. I'm not grappled, I got stung, I'm like, "God damn it, ugh." He's just going to run backwards in the sand, like, "Fuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh." Okay, that's an opportunity attack. No, no, but it is, you're right. So, I'm not going to do that. [laughter] I'm sorry, I can't forget. I haven't done anything next to a creature in like three years. I know. So, if I cast fireball, am I going to get hurt?

I mean, it depends on where you throw it. Well, that's the thing. I'm right next to the damn thing. Okay, look, you can choose the position. So, you can nuke the scorpion and everything behind it if you want. Like, if you don't want to get... Like, I assume you're not going to just lob the fireball directly above you. No, I'm going to focus on the scorpion. It's going to be an explosion of flame in the scorpion's brain. [laughter] Okay, that's a 20-foot radius. That's a big... you're nuking the area. [groans] But not the water. Water doesn't die from flame.

Okay. God dang it. You know what? Forget it. Forget it. Okay, so not fireball. No, okay, I'm burning hands. Burning hands, okay. Yes. Burning hands. I'm a thin sheet of flames. I'm going to go light on this one. Okay. But this creature has to make a dex saving throw from my outstretched fingertips with flame just... [fart noise] Just a flamethrower straight at this scorpion. The odds of this scorpion getting this saving... And what's the DC? A 13? Uh, yeah, 13. Okay. The odds of this happening are slim. So this'll probably be it. 11. There you go. Boom. Right. You're hitting them.

Alright, alright. So, uh... So I got this. I got, uh... 3d6. Fire damage. Alright. Fucking nice. Okay. Alright. One more time for the scorpion, and then Varys is cresting over that hill. Okay. You know what? Holy shit. Oh my gosh. Uh... Freesh. What has happened? Okay. Before we begin with this... Quick aside, where's the rest of the party? Okay, it is late, my bad. No, I'm just saying it's really late to step in now with "where are we?" Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is. It is. Okay. So wait. Okay. My... I did not envision this, but okay. So you guys are, like, if you're kind of like in a valley, basically, in between some dunes, you're guarded from, like...

Hey. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm totally just in my head. Go ahead. Keep going. Sorry. I imagine you guys are a bit shielded from the sound around you and stuff like that, so you can get some rest. So you got this little... So Varys sees Merrick crest over, and it's probably like a hundred feet away, somewhere in there. So it's far enough away that this stuff isn't being, like, broadcast. But it also wasn't, "Hey guys, I'm gonna go blah blah." It was just a little eye contact nod thing to Varys. Varys is heading over, not at a speedy pace, so I don't think that would tell the group, "Holy shit, there's a big problem." It would just be like, "Eh, you know, hey, let's keep an eye on each other just in case." Right.

I feel like us back in the camp, we'd be like kinda... Not camp, but like wherever we're chilling, we'd be... Not suspecting? I don't know how everyone else would feel that didn't go... Well, okay, imagine... Let's see. Imagine you're camping. And someone says, "Yeah, I'm gonna go see if there's like a stream or something like that." And they kind of like wander off a bit. You see somebody, it's like they're keeping an eye on them, basically? Like it's like, "Hey, we're not letting them get out of eye shot." But like, yeah, the entire thing felt so casual before all this cluster fuckery happened, so...

So they went kind of far because of that? A little bit, yeah. Okay, okay. Alright, listen, I'm gonna jump into here real quick. I do have something called "warding flare," which means that it's a reaction. So as soon as I'm attacked by a creature that is able to be blinded, I can use my reaction to impose disadvantage on the attack roll. Mmm... After the attack is rolled? Yeah, it's a reaction. Okay, well then. Another call. So, disadvantage. So we're gonna roll and take the lower one. Yep. Three. We'll take the three. Fine. So he is gonna try and swing... No, that's okay.

He is gonna try and swing with the old stinger. That's gonna miss. And at that point, Varus is going to crest over the dune here and see what's going on. Just see this epic fistfight with a scorpion. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Uh... He'd real quickly look back at the party, scream for them, and then just charge down the hill. Okay, so let's say you close the gap relatively quickly, so you're gonna use up... Do I need to get a map? Uh... You know what, let's do it. Yeah, probably. Let's just play it safe, let's do it. So the whole scorpion fight's been a little confusing.

Yes. Has it? Tiny, tiny bit. Like the tiniest bit. Like 10% more confusion than usual. 'Cause like... It's been within 5 feet of each other and just kinda like, bap, bap at each other on the face. I'm into not being able to select the creature, so you guys have to keep checking back and forth whether or not it hits and how things work. That's D&D. That's... okay, fine, fine. Alright, here we go. I'll just bring that... I did not anticipate this. Yeah, well, hey. Sorry. Hey, that's D&D, right? Mm-hmm. Okay. I really appreciate it, to be honest. I got a great laugh, got a cry out, you know, it was wonderful.

It's very interesting. See what happens next. And it is, as I heard, D&D. It is D&D. So, here's... okay, Varus. Varus. You can use double movement and get up next to the scorpion, or you can try to fire from range, however you want to do it. So I have 45 speed. Okay, yeah. So if you crested over this dune, yeah, you can either close the gap with both actions, or you can just like that. Okay. Then if I can just go that far, he would only throw a dart. Okay. As like a warning punch. I mean, I could throw my grenade, but... Oh. Yeah, you could throw a grenade. No, I'm not.

By all back, it's armored. It's got natural armor. It's got an exoskeleton. It's also got a marik right next to it. Ah, tomato tomato. I don't want that to be the way that he dies from friendly fire from the marisk. I'm here to help, marik-kaboom. Marik says, "Throw me the grenade!" Blending on just shoving it in its mouth. I've got this! Alright, so let's see if this dart hits. A 21 will hit, totally. Alrighty. And then... Wapah! 4 damage to the scorpion. Alright, alright. Little warning shot as I'm running in. The scorpion's like, "Hey, what the fuck, man? Stop it." Marik.

It says round 1. It's not. No. Hold on. This is round 6. How many hours have we been doing this? I am going to... Give me one second. I'm gonna do it. I'm going to cast Scorching Ray. Okay. 18, that'll hit. I like how you've abandoned saves. Like, fuck you. No, no, no. 10 damage! Okay! Alright! Enough. Sorry. He's gonna look at Maris and be like, "Sorry!" He's just gonna give you like a "What the fuck look." Thank you! Okay. Claw! 17's gonna miss. Okay. 23 is gonna hit. I'm gonna use my Warding Flare again to do a disadvantage reaction. Sorry, man. 18 is gonna hit. Well, okay.

Someone pissed in your cereal. It sounds suspect, where it's like, "After the roll, I'm gonna choose to..." "Okay. Give me Constitution save." I mean, why would you do it before a roll? I feel like this one's gonna hit. Here's the thing. Of the reactions, that feels like... Like, you know what I mean? It feels like you're undoing time or something. It's weird. Maric does that! It's my thing. So, 15 damage is gonna knock Maric out. What? Oh my gosh. Varus! How is this possible? I just imagine, "Sorry!" "Sorry! Whack!" Let me ask everybody back at the camp... Okay, you heard Varus.

Is everyone kind of getting up from their seat and running? Oh, I can describe the scene for you. We're all back, baking beans. You hear something, a scream in the background. I think they're just meditating again. Let them have it. That's advanced yoga. I've heard of this. It's called "Best Hot Yoga." Clara's making s'mores like, "Surely if something went wrong, Maric would have called for us." At least Varus screamed for help. Yeah, no, I imagine everyone's coming. Yeah, we're coming. Absolutely. Alright, so another round or so. They're gonna be here. Well, this is gonna be great.

Alright, well, now I need to distract. Yeah, so here's the thing. Now, with him being down, I gotta distract him. So I distract him with range and pull him away from Maric. Or do I just get in there, which is really my only combat option. Well, I mean, is a scorpion the type of animal that's going to just eat? Here's the thing. That scorpion was minding its own business. Oh yeah, no. Maric definitely started this fight. He poked the scorpion. This was all Maric's fault. We're gonna have a big talking after all of this. The poison courses through his body. So, alright, I'll put it down to this way.

Varus was sprinting down. I don't think he would break mid-sprint to stop. I don't think he was gonna keep going along his track. So he is going to go around to get his attention on the other side. And then what I was originally hoping to get is advantage, but that's not gonna happen. A lot of punches. Okay, punches and bunches. Let's go. Yeah, so he's gonna throw a lot of furious punches as I'm looking at everything here. So, first attack is going to be Fury of Blows. So there is going to be, let's see, a total of three punches on the first action. Let me, if I can find my punch.

There we go. Hey, 25 will hit. Alright, so let's do damage. Six, nice. Alright, so the second... 25 will hit. Seven. Alright, and the third... 23 will hit. Six more damage to the scorpion. That's a lot of scorpion damage. Alright, now also, I don't know if this matters at all, but all of these punches are considered magical damage. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Yeah, there's nothing like... Look, I'm gonna level with you. There was nothing magical about this fight. Okay, yeah. I mean, it was magical in its own way. Can we make a t-shirt that says "Don't poke the scorpion"?

Oh, yes, please. And it's just like a scorpion at, like, a water trough. So a scorpion at a water trough with Marik's mace holding up above it. So, second attack action, it's gonna be the same thing. He's just gonna keep throwing these punches. Okay, wow, that's a lot of punches, Jesus. Okay. Let's do it. 17 will hit. Alrighty. Eight damage to the scorpion. Second punch. 23. That'll hit. That will kill the scorpion. So, in one round of combat... You punched the scorpion to death with my fist. Okay, wait, no, the full picture. Marik happens upon a scorpion who wasn't bothering him at all, threw fire at him, threw fire at him again, threw fire at him a third time, passed out because he got hit so much by the scorpion.

Then Varys came up and slapped it twice. And it's dead. He punched it several times. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, I punched it, what, five times? Okay, five times. And I did. It's funnier my way. I do have those little claws on. But I ran in. He came up and did those anime punches on it. I know. Marik, look out. There's just something so funny about the fact that like fire, fire, fire, fire, fire. Nothing. Punch. Demon arms stretching out. No, none of that. What contract do I sign to get that? No chance. This is my best rolls yet, to be honest. Jeff, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, no, this is great.

This is fantastic. This isn't even the episode. This is like the stuff we were supposed to walk by. This is his first official combat. He survived and it was by himself. Good job. You know, I'm really proud of you. I broke the street, guys. I broke it. I mean, you know. Can we give the guy who hires interns a raise? Jesus. So anyway, five more scorpions are good. No. So, okay, Varus is going to be standing over the body of this dead scorpion. So you guys got dinner tonight. Now, on top of that. Clara's going to be so happy. Oh, yeah. That's if you want to make friends.

Bring a big old bug back to it's an arachnid. I know. Don't fucking write me emails. So there is going to be the smallest pool of water. It's basically in a little sand bowl. Could you do me a favor? Roll a d4 for me. We have made it there for sure, right? Oh, yeah. You guys will be cresting over the hill now to see this big dead scorpion. And like Varus standing with like probably like green goo on his fists as he has punched a hole clean through the exoskeleton of the scorpion. And then an unconscious Varus who's turning green probably. You know what? Oh, sorry.

I was just going to say. An unconscious Varus. Sorry. Maric. Sorry. There's going to be three gallons of water in this little sand hole. Okay. It was worth it. For the record. I know it's probably different in Theria, but scorpions are pretty baller and they have blue blood. So that's cool. So, okay. Blue blood. Cool. You know, for the imagery. Yeah. No, I know dick about scorpions except for apparently they're very strong against fire. Yes. I knew like I thought I'd heard that thing about the blue before, but I had to double check because I didn't want to be wrong.

Oh, I'm doing great. Maric's sleeping. So I feel like. A little nappy nap. I feel like we get to the top of this, like the crest of this dune. And I want to make I kind of want to make that joke about the camp thing real because I just want us to get there and have lens like see I told you they were meditating. So as you're starting to crest over the hill, though, and like make that comment, Varus is going to go over, pick up Merrick from like behind where he's pretty much holding up his like his arms and his head where he's off the ground, but dragging his boots.

And he's just going to start dragging him back to the campsite. Picture a nice thick sand line as it. Yeah. Yes. Oh, well, that was silly. I'm sorry, everybody. That was not. It was not. We need a different let's start over. Let's just start over. This is the kind of stuff that like I like it when you guys are out and about in the world because you do stuff that I wasn't anticipating. Did I anticipate an hour long scorpion fight? Nope, I didn't. Okay. Yes, I appreciate you. You're right. You're right. Okay. When you were like, hey, don't do that role play shit anymore.

Yeah, you wanted that. That's what you said. That's some goofy feeling bullshit. I said 2016 was a great time to start, but it's 2020 now. And maybe we get off the ship and like move around. You still got feelings to work. We did. I came in, I killed the scorpion and I left. What I'm saying is everyone back on the ship. So many things to hash out with you guys. Can we have a meeting and then I pull Salu aside? Everyone to the captain's quarters. How's about. I mean, also being completely fair. You know how stressful my life has been over like the last seven weeks.

That was exactly what I needed. Well then it was worth it. 100 percent. So I'm happy. I feel like every time like, okay, you and I sat down a few minutes before this episode and you, you, you, it's like, oh, I picture this, this, and this. Every time you have a cool idea or something you want to show off the dice. Fuck you. Yeah, it's true. It's true. It has happened a few times. They couldn't, they couldn't have fought you more. What you're trying to do. I see this. I really see these types of roles truly as just more about the narrative of the situation. Like it keeps making it very clear to me.

It's like Marix tired, sweating stinks and he's like, I fucking hate the desert. Right. And he's just like, there's maybe some water down there. I could probably help us out a little fucking scorpion. You know what? God, come on. Come on. Like, like just getting angrier and just more tired and just not getting it right and then just passing out. It makes complete sense to me. Dude, that poison is no joke. It's, uh, what are the ramifications here on this poison? It's just... Oh, you're a scorpion wolf now. You're a wolf with an exoskeleton. Yeah. No, it's just, it's just poison.

Like it's like, you're not... It's just disadvantage stuff. Not, uh, not like it's not recurring. I assume you're going to rest of the night unless you want to go exploring again. Hell no. I'm going to maybe cook some dinner if somebody can wake me up. And if not, I'll figure it out later. So I imagine you feel bad. Like you feel shitty. Like, so, okay. Groggy for sure. Like a hangover. So of the damage done to you, three quarters of it was fucking poison coursing through your blood. I thought you were going to say three quarters of it is to your pride. Oh no.

I have this image. As soon as we start back up, I have exactly how Merrick's going to be waking up. I think it's only fair that Ryan tells you how you wake up. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah, it makes sense. Well, it's going to be in the position that you're in and like what you see when you first open up your eyes. Okay. Hot. Love it. So we got Merrick out of that nasty situation. And I would say probably, I don't know, like an hour later, something like that, he'd be like he'd be healed before then. Obviously we got we got Iris. But I feel like that poison is just going to be.

Probably give him a nasty headache. Bad, like nauseated hangover. Yeah, just feel terrible, right? Yeah. Because we talked about it in the break and that was like three quarters of the damage. It's just like every once in a while that stinger would just like and just fill you up with poison. Oh, God. Oh, man. So you guys got a nice meal. And you got three gallons of water. Is there any way we could wring out a little bit more water if I were to do control water? Just OK. Deeper in there is a little bit more moist. Turn it out. Also, I just need to throw it out there because you will get emails.

It was venom, not poison. Jesus Christ. You know what it was? It was liquefied Sour Patch Kids. Oh, wow. Delicious. I'm having a good hangover for that. I'm actually had. And my thing most most scorpions in Tharia inject cheese skirts into your bloodstream directly into the bloodstream. Oh, one of the most delicious. Yeah, it's just a little bit of a Japanese animals in in the world, basically. So if we capture a couple of them, we can make a cheese farm. Exactly. You can open up a successful franchise in California. It'd be great. So you guys help you. You've got you got some scorpion.

You I'll give you you know what? Iris, do me a favor. Give me a survival check. Survival check. All right. I will check. That's not what I'm good at. OK, now I got you. Here you go. Oh, wisdom. Oh, wow. Fair enough. You're not good at that. You're right. Yeah, that is a crit one. You I drop water. No, you're fine. You are going to get the three gallons, but it's like I was I was seeing if you you kind of noticed something about this. You didn't. So don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. But you got three gallons of water, which is by check and see if I notice. OK, look, we're not doing this for the entire thing.

I'm kidding. So the good news is you now have. Well, half the party has exactly enough water to get through the next day, and the other half has half of the amount of water they're going to need for the next day. So, yay. But you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to say that this scorpion is really succulent and you're going to get some moisture out of it. So you know what? Let's just each give you two gallons of water. In total, I'm going to be really nice and basically give you an extra three gallons of water. Thank you. No problem. I figure you've earned at least that.

A day of life. A single day of survival. So you guys are going to rest up. Is there anything anybody wants to do before? I'd like to wander away and then pick a fight with a scorpion. OK, sweet. All right. So real quick. Yeah. One of the things as you know, we bring Merrick back, we lay him down. There's sand everywhere. Varus is going to do the nice thing as far as just lay Merrick's head on Varus's lap. He's going to do the nice thing, make sure his hair and everything is not going to be full of sand and possibly getting into his mouth and everything. But as soon as he starts to wake up, all he's going to do is just kind of bop him on the forehead and then get up and go away.

Like let his head fall. Exactly. What do you mean bop him on the forehead? Is it like a gentle thing or are you giving him like a flurry of punches? I assumed it was a gentle kiss. So you're going to roll damage? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's going to be eight punches. It's just going to be like one finger of almost like like wagging no, but like down and just kind of let it pop him in the forehead. Like you're disciplining a sheeb. Exactly. OK. Oh, my God. Merrick is kind of the sheeb of humans. Like a little bit. Well trained, but stubborn and fucking stubborn. And sturdy and like keeps all of his secrets like a sheeb.

Really interested in food. Yeah, no. Makes packs with demons. Holy shit. Is it too late to make him a weresheeb? So this does mean that Varus and Merrick are in initiative tracker, right? Because we're going down. No. Yeah. Get him with the spell. Bring it on. Yeah. Put fire at him. Yeah, right. I've got you. Dead. I think I could take you. Yeah, I'm sure you can. Absolutely. At least right now. Yeah. Piss them off first. See what happens. So I hate to be this guy. Do it. Yeah, I knew this was coming. Could I can I get you to do me a favor and give me three D fours? Uh huh.

Who? Merrick. Oh, my God. No. Maybe maybe Aveline gets pissed off. Can you kick some sand or something? Nine. Okay. Now, the good news is you guys are going to sleep for the night, right? Yes. Okay. Yes. Could you do me a favor? Give me a con save. Just before I do this, I also want to make sure Merrick has been, you know, he comes to, it gets popped in the head. He's acting pretty sheepish. He's just when he's making eye contact with people, it's kind of like he's rolling his eyes like, "I know, I know, I know, I know." So he's trying, he's not saying anything, but he's at least acknowledging his bullshit.

Right. There's a ten. Ten. Okay. All right. Sweet. Okay. So. Yes. Okay. Sweet. So we're going to wake up the next day. The sun is going to wake you up the next day. And I would imagine in your campsite, you probably got like a little, like you probably arranged your blankets on sticks or something like it to give you a little bit of shade, something. Oh yeah. Full rest. Let's give everybody a full rest. Some of you need it. Why would I need that? Hey, look at that. I need those key slots back. Yeah. Okay. Clara. I need two rolls from you. You know what? Let's spread this around.

Mandy. Can I get a flat D20 from you? Okay. I was being so quiet too. I know. That's how I spotted you. Fuck. Aw. Mwah. Six single digits. Let's do it. Clara. It's your job to lead these people through the desert. You are their Moses. Please give me a survival check. Okay. Ah. Mwah. Eight. Love it. This might take you guys a little longer than three days to get there. I'm gonna level with you. Mm. This might be tricky. I'm sure it'll be fine. You see that circle? Maric goes and looks for water. Okay. Do you have your exit buddy? Your account to build a buddy. I am going. So you've been in the desert now for two full days.

I'm gonna give everybody a chance to learn something. Can I get all of you to roll a survival check please? Oh my God, please. Oh, come on. Holy shit. Iris. Thank you. The Havilland. Oh God. This is the third. Dice in a row. Iris and I have rolled like the same number in like the second 20. We are on it. You guys are paying attention. So there's very little plant life in the desert. In this desert specifically. But you're gonna notice this brown flat, almost ivy. And the only time you're really gonna notice it is when you're rolling it. Almost ivy. And the only time you're really gonna notice it is when the sand blows away and exposes some of it.

And out of curiosity, Iris and Havilland are eventually going to investigate this because every once in a while you'll snag your foot on it or something like that. Like after three, four hours of walking. And you're going to trace it back into the sand. And you're going to dig around and pull up and you're going to find water. So buried underneath. Buried underneath. And every time you find one of these, you're going to find 1d4 gallons of water. Damn. So here's what we're going to do for the day. Let's say you figure this out early on. Okay. Now, I want you to do me a favor, give me a d6.

That's how many plants you're going to find today. Ooh. Uhhhhh... Iris had the higher roll. So let's go with... Yeah. Survival's a little higher. So let's go with flat d6. Flat d6. You're aiming high. Fuck my life! [Laughter] Okay, well. That's a one. So give me a 1d4, please. [Laughter] High, high, high. [Laughter] Ooh, gallons of water. So you have a choice to make. Either you can just kind of ration that out a little bit, which isn't really going to do anything for anybody, or one of you gets to have the allotted amount of water for tomorrow. Totally up to you.

But, uh, there's a new problem. Let me, let me... [Sings] Ah, shit. [Laughter] God damn it. So I don't know what's up tonight. I just had to roll a d20 to see something and I rolled a crit. [Sings] Could I get all of you to make a dexterity saving throw, please? Oh, shoot. Is it an attack? Yes. Does it have to be dex? An area of effect thing? Yes. A check for a save or does it matter? Woof. I'm about to get eaten by a blue dragon. You guys have fun. Me too. I got a minus 2 guy. Oh, Jesus. Woah. Holy shit. Would you say that this is like an effect that originates? No.

Damn it. Okay. No. If it was, I get an advantage. Okay, sorry. Dexterity save? Yeah, no, don't be sorry. [Sighs] [Laughter] Well, this isn't going to affect Varys, don't worry. [Laughter] Okay, fun. Well, shit. Okay, um... [Sighs] Should we call out everything for the people at home? Yeah, please. Please go. Please. So, Merrit got a 19. Clara got a 7. Varys got a 25. Avalon got an 8. Or, sorry, an 18. And, uh, Iris got a 1. Elorath got a 3. We're fucked. So, um, we're split. Half and half, at least. You will have an exit, buddy. You will have an exit? Final exit. Oh, god.

Alright, let me get you guys a map. Oh, goodie. I love you. I love you all. Love you, too. I can literally imagine what is going to happen, because we joked about it before. Oh, yeah. I think I have a great idea. No, like, eh. What might happen? I think any idea would be good. Oh, I thought you meant an idea to combat this. No, no, I just know what's going to happen. I just know we're going to get fucked. I just know how we're going to get fucked. I don't know what to do about it. I just know how it's going to happen. And the dirty butts. No! The 3s. Right in the 3s.

If we're lucky, this is that scorpion's parents. I don't know. People with justice. I mean, any karma. I don't want to kill them, too. They didn't start a fight. Okay, well, holy god. So, here's what we're going to do, everybody. I'm going to share a map with you. Iris. Iris rolled a 1. Now, could you please repeat? Oh, we'll move. We'll move, America. Okay, so, um, you wanted to prep a spell, you said? Two spells? Yeah, for my, um, what do you call the cleric thingy? The, um, school of magic. Okay. I want Blight and Death Ward. Death Ward is important. Okay, so, this is like last night after the scorpion debacle, you prepped these.

Yeah, or I get it for free. Oh, okay. That's fine, too. Let's see. Let's get rid of this Arms of Hader. That did a lot. Let's... Blight and Death Ward, you said? Yeah, yes, please. I want Death Ward. Now, what's Death Ward do, man? It makes it so that if you, when you cast it, which I haven't yet, but if you drop below zero, you pop back up to one because you don't die. Interesting. Interesting. Let's... Is that like a reaction or? No, it's just you have to cast it. It's, um, like a buff. So, oh, so you're, oh, okay. So it's not on yet, but okay. Okay, so... If I don't die here, that's what's going on me.

So you guys are going to be walking along. And I picture the scene from Starship Troopers where that giant fire beetle just kind of like comes out from the ground. But this is a adult blue dragon. And Mandy's going to be lagging behind the party just a little bit. And you're all going to feel the ground vibrate at the same time as the sand parts underneath of Iris's feet. And this gargantuan blue dragon is going to pop up out of the sand. And it is essentially, uh, it can feel vibrations above it. And it can hold its breath for hours. So essentially what it does is it waits for prey, like, uh, like, uh, like certain spiders can feel vibrations in webbing.

And it is going to clamp down and try to electrocute Iris. So, you definitely failed that, Dex. So it's going to use its lightning breath. Oh, shit. Are you ready? No. Yes. I wish you all the luck. Here we go. Oh my God. That was a fuck ton of dice. 71 damage. I might be... I think I'm dead. Oh my God. I... That's half your hit points. Yep. Mm hmm. Holy shit. Yep. Hmm. Because 61 would outright kill Iris. What? 62 rounding up. Yeah. So you're going to hear... What? Okay. I know this is fresh. What would Iris say? Or I know it's not like gather round, children, but like... What?

Would it be a scream? Would it be like, uh, like as soon as you realize the sand is moving below your feet, this dragon is going to like something like you're going to see teeth, probably the last thing. And then into the sky, this 90 foot cone of lightning is just going to spark and shoot. And Iris is going to be no more. What? Everyone do me a favor and roll initiative. Oh. Man. I am so sorry, Mandy. It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm just like, oh, of course, it's like the combat that counts that I die in the first hit. This is a session of whirlwind right here. Yeah.

What did some fucking idiot say at the beginning of the session? I am so sorry. I, I, I, I'm an idiot. Um, Varus. Can you kill this with a turn? Um. I, I think you would run. I don't- Cover anywhere nearby? Okay, you know what? Let's roll for that. Do me a favor. Give me a flight to 20. Me? Yeah. Fuck. It's just a flight to 20. And I have not rolled a good role today. Here I go. You'll do fine. You got this. Or not. There's no cover. Wide open plane. Um, the, uh, another question, Jason, is on this map, what direction are we going? You are going- To get to our destination, are we going south, north?

West. So you are going, you were all walking that way and I picture Iris was lagging a little bit behind. And by the time the dragon sprung into action, it was just Iris that caught it. Okay. So. Jeez. And we saw Iris just get, like, evaporated with all of this. If you want me to paint you a picture. Iris would essentially have been cooked before being swallowed. So it's, it's, so it's one of those things that it's concrete. We know there's no coming back. You know beyond a shadow of a doubt. Varys would run. Full movement. Double, he would sprint as, as go as fast as he can to get away.

Okay. Okay. Oh, Jesus. Then that would be the blue dragon's turn. Oh, I didn't realize the dragon was next. I didn't even bring up the combat tracker. Well, that's important. Yeah. Oh boy. Okay. It is going. What do you do? You do a lot. Holy shit. Okay. It is going to stomp forward. It is going to climb the rest of the way out of the safe. And stomp forward. And just loom over Elorath. What's up? And it is going to, holy shit. It is going to make two claw attacks. One. It has a plus 12. Oh, plus 12. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah. Run, please. Everybody. 15 damage to Elorath. Second claw attack. 28. 14 damage to Elorath.

Ow. Elorath, your turn. Uh. Okay. Yeah, that pissed her off. For a number of reasons. Sorry guys. Why are you sorry? I heard like that, God, please don't fight it. No! I think we're all just in a state of like, holy shit, this table is not cooperating tonight. Okay. Okay. Alright, so she's going to enter her rage. Um. Because like, her friend just got, oh my god, I'm sorry Mandy. Her friend just died. And this thing just hit her. So she's going to be raging. And she's going to swing at it with her enforcer. Um, let's see. Want to make sure. Okay. Oh wait, what kind of damage would you say that was?

For the claws? Uh, pierce? Slashing probably? Hold on a second, let me make sure. Uh, slashing. Yeah, slashing. Alright. Going forward, now that she's raging, I have a resistance. Just some damage. That one, since she wasn't probably in her rage yet. Yeah. Okay. Alright, so here we go. Regular attack, I guess I don't have advantage. Okay. Yeah. 16 will miss. Okay, but. Because I am above 5th level, I get an extra attack now. Nice. So she's going to try it again, maybe on the backswing. Nope. Still fails. 12's going to miss. Okay. That's her turn. Clara. So. Varus took off running.

Varus is way faster than everybody else in this party. Did your audio just mess up for anyone else, or was that just me? He was fine on my end. Fine on my end, too. Oh, okay. I just found it out, it was my headphone jack. It twisted out. So, Varus is way faster than anybody else in the party. And he took off running. Obviously, Elorath stayed to fight. I guess Clara's got a decision to make. Yeah. Clara's instinct. Here's my problem. Mm hmm. I'm a fighter. With a sickle and a sword. Yes. I don't have anything ranged that I can really get him with. Right. So my instinct is telling me I should run.

And I feel like that would be Clara's instinct too. But Elorath is her best friend. Does Elorath look like she's going to run, or does she look like she's going to try to take out this dragon? Well, she took two swings. Yeah, she's standing her ground. Fuck. So picture. Yeah, she's raging. She is not thinking clearly right now. Yeah. How tall is Elorath again? Four foot something? Hang on. Three foot eight. Okay. She's tiny. She's small. This dragon is significantly larger than three foot eight. You could just have ducked and it probably would have forgotten you were there.

Hide in the sand. Yeah, I was going to say she's going to burrow in the sand. Just... Alright, here's what I'm going to do. There's no willpower in D&D anymore, which is dumb. Well... Hmm? Charisma. Charisma? Alright, well that's a zero, so that doesn't affect anything. I'm going to roll a flat d20. Okay. And I'm saying this out loud so I don't puss out. [Laughter] You know what, I appreciate that. If it's 11 or higher, I'm going to approach the dragon and fight with Elorath. If it's 10 or lower, I'm going to run. Okay. Closing my eyes, even though I can't see what it says anyway. 17.

Fuck. Hi Elorath. [Laughter] Fine. Hi friend. You dick. Let's die together. So, you are squaring up next to Elorath and you are advancing towards this dragon. I should have never made her a lesbian. It was my fault. I did that. Wait, you're fine. Wait, what? Lesbians always die, didn't you know? Oh. I was like, is there something that Clara wants to say to Elorath? No. No, it's a trope. It's dumb. I get it now. The kill your gays trope. Yeah. Anyway, I guess I'll attack or whatever. That'd be a good thing to do. Alright, we'll go with, uh, I got two short swords here, I'm assuming I'm using the one that's a plus one.

You're the highest, yeah. Yeah, okay, I have a short sword and I have a sickle. Okay, let's do it. Mandy's giving the hard sell in the chat for being a lesbian, so like, we also have lesbian bed death. Yeah, that's true too. Oh man. Look, they love fast and they love hard. You are stalling. I so am. Okay, here comes my short sword. 21 will hit. Okay, cool. Here's that. 10 damage to the dragon. Alright, so that's like what, a thumbtack in its foot? Bad op, man. Sickle. 22 will hit. Flashing. 9 damage to the dragon, so that's 19 damage in one turn. Flashing. Extra attack, how do I?

At the beginning of 5th level, you can attack twice instead of once. Yep. That's what I just did, yes. Right? Well, that was your off hand. Yeah, that was an off hand. Oh, okay, so I can go again. You can attack with your main hand again. Yeah. Awesome, okay, cool. This is like a flurry for you since you-- We haven't fought since 5th edition, since our 5th level. Yeah. Alright, I'm gonna go with my short sword again. 27 will hit. Almost a crit. Alright, at least I get to go out looking cool. Alright, here it comes. 11 damage to the dragon. Alright, that's pretty cool.

Alright, I feel a little better about this decision. Alright, Maric. Wow, this is a very bad day. It's, yeah. What a fucked up day. He, there's no way that there would be any other reaction for Maric in this situation. He would, he's gonna yell, as he's running by Clara and Elrath, he's gonna be running in this direction, I don't know if you can see where I'm headed. Yep. He's running. Oh, you're leaving? Yeah, and he's gonna yell and say, he's just gonna be like, "GET OUT OF THERE!" and just run. Okay. And... how far can I go? Cause I'll go that far. You have a speed of 30, you double movement, you can get 60 feet away.

Yeah, alright. Okay, Avalon, you have a decision to make. Oh my god. Half the party so far has left, and half the party has stayed. Ahh, Avalon is going to... shit. Ughhhhh. Avalon's going to run up to the dragon, pull out his shield, and he's... hmm? Can I make a suggestion? Yes. If you give me the other side of him, you get advantage. Sure, I will have Avalon try to circle around the dragon, and the whole time he's trying to get its attention. Okay. Trying to distract it, and basically taunt it. And he is going to get in a defensive stance, and I'm going to have him rage.

Okay. And he's going to shout, "I will distract it, both of you, run, now." Can I attack? No, I'm going to take a defensive action. Ohhhhh, okay. Well then. Guess what? Yes? Everybody who chose to stay and fight, I'm giving you inspiration. Great! Can I go to my next character? Yeah, can I carry over? So, Varus has left the battlefield. Yes. Adult blue dragon's turn. He's going to try and hit all three of you, but one by one. So let's see. Claw attack to Elorath. Oh! God, it rolled a three, that's still a fifteen. That'll hit. It just hit. But. But I do have resistance to whatever this gets.

You do have resistance, so alright. Here we go. 2d6 plus seven. What? That's rude. It's... He got big claws. Sixteen, so eight damage to Elorath. Okay. That's not so bad. Okay, boom. 37 total. Now claw attack to Klara. 18 will hit. It rolled a six, everyone. I want to keep track of this. 16 damage to Klara. And now he's going to try to use his third and final attack, a bite. On Avalon. Now your defensive action gives it disadvantage, correct? Absolutely. Now, the bite has a lower chance of success. No it doesn't actually, sorry, I thought it did, it doesn't. But that's fine.

Disadvantage. Bite. Let's drop that 19 to take a 17 with a total of 29. Alright guys, listen to me. As a player to player, you guys love your characters. You love them, you've been playing them for years. This is your time. Taken out, I'm giving it to you. Only one of us has to die. Right now. So... Lightning is going to crackle in its mouth as its maw opens and clamps down on your shoulder and arm region doing 16 damage. Bellarath? That could have been way worse. That's the same amount of damage it did to me with a bite. Yeah, he rolled a two, three, and a four.

Yeah, on d10s. That was really lucky. Do I get the piercing damage half for raging? Oh shit, you do! So he only did eight damage! Yes you do! Holy shit! Sorry. Good thinking, good thinking. Bellarath, your turn. You're due. Unless you want to go. I completely understand if you do. Lisa wants her to go. Mhm. What does Bellarath want? Bellarath wants to punch a dragon in the fucking face. Okay. With advantage if she could. You got advantage. Everyone left in combat does have advantage. In inspiration. In inspiration. Okay. So, I don't want anybody to feel obligated to stay.

I'm just telling you that she is not thinking clearly because she is raging. And very upset. So. Alright, so... Hang on. Okay. I was looking at what the enforcer does real quick. It's horde. It's horde. Okay, here we go. Advantage. Drop a 13 to take a 15. 21 will hit. Yay, okay, so I get a bonus since I'm raging. Because that was a melee attack. Mhm. I get a bonus with damage roll. Okay, so it's a plus seven. Oh, come on. Why? Why are you not... Oh my god. Whatever. Sorry, I was trying to do the thing. And it wasn't working. Stop apologizing. You're fine. Yeah, you've known me for how long?

I know, I know. I love you, but... One of these years. Okay. I was trying to do it... Okay, so... This damage... My god, I can't even remember how to do damage anymore. It's been a long time. No, what? Oh. Plus seven. So... Oh, okay. Well, so, eleven damage. Okay. I would also like to take my second attack. Please do. I don't know why that was so difficult for me to do. I have... Yeah, okay. Drop a two to take a 14. 20 will hit. Yes, thank god. Okay, so again... Whatever this is, plus seven. I'll figure it out my next time. Yeah. Uh, 13 damage. Yes, yes. Bludgeoning magic damage.

He's almost not green anymore, if that helps. Oh my gosh. How's the move, fellers? What is that, a third? Okay, I believe that's it. Okay. Okay. Yeah, sorry. Oh boy. Okay, Clara, you are up. Alright. So I'm going to set a scene. The sun is setting, I'd say, most of the way down, and the sky just illuminated with this massive streak of lightning. But in reverse, right? It's coming from the ground and going up. Like, this massive light in the sky just illuminates everything. And shortly after, you guys are in a fistfight with a dragon. Half the party has run. Some would say wisely so.

Half the party has stayed. What would you like to do? First of all, I think I am going to... Uh... No, that's not it. One moment. I think I am going to use Second Wind. Okay. You have a limited Well of Stamina that you can draw from to protect yourself from harm. On your turn, you can use a bonus action to regain hit points equal to 1d10 plus 7, because my fighter level. That's smart. I have to finish a short, long rest to get it back again. Alright, so the d10 is the little UFO, right? Yes. Alright. So I want this many, please. Plus 7. I should have done the plus 7, but it's 10.

Yeah. Okay. 10 hit points restored. Alright, so that was my bonus. You're going to dig down and just grid it out, right? You're just toughing it out. Yeah. Um... Then she's going to go with her short sword. Okay. Ooh, 15... Wait! You have hit damage. Oh yeah! Yeah, I gotta... I won't highlight that this time, but I'll highlight it next time. Yeah. Alright. Try again. 23 will hit! Nice. Alright. And then it's going to do... Weapon attack, expend a die to add it to the roll. One second. I think I have something for this as well. So I have something called precision strike.

One moment. When you make an attack... A weapon attack roll against a creature, you can expend one superiority die to add it to the roll. You can use this maneuver before or after making the attack... Oh, that's just for the attack. Sorry. JK. That's okay. Alright. You can't blame me. You can remember that the next time. No! Yeah. Um, actions. Alright, so damage. Seven damage to the dragon. Alright. Then I'm going to go at it with my sickle. I remembered that time. 19 will hit. Awesome. Then this. Nine more damage. Then I'm going to attack it again with my short sword. 'Cause I...

Here, let me double check though. I don't think extra attack counts as bonus action. Uh... No, it's attached to my attack action. Yeah. Okay, cool. I didn't want to cheat. Just wanted to be careful. Alright, and again with the short sword. 26 will hit. Almost, almost a crit. Uh, seven more damage to the dragon. Anything else? Uh... I'm going to use my action surge. Okay. You can push yourself beyond your normal limits for a moment. On your turn, you can take one additional action on top of your regular action and possible... and a possible bonus action. Um... Wait a sec.

Is action surge... Is that a bonus or anything? It's just a thing. It's a feature. Yeah. It's not a bonus. That's why I was reading it out loud. Double check. Yeah. So, I can use it twice before a rest. Okay, let's do it. Alright, and short sword again. Aw. Wait, fuck. Sorry. Oh. Oh! Well, we'll drop that crit. I took the two. Yeah, we'll drop that crit miss and we'll take the two. Alright, I'm going to use precision attack. I add... Oh wait, no. I don't want to use precision. That wouldn't even help. Nevermind. I'm going to add a d10 to that too and it'll definitely hit after that.

Okay. Abolan. They're not running. Yes, um... Abolan realized... I'm not going to run until Elrath dies or runs. Abolan realized... Oh no! Basically, like, essentially, all the characters have left the building so this is it. Wow! This is it, baby. We're in this. So he's going to attack just straight up. Let's do it. Don't forget, you have advantage. Yes. So you're surrounding this dragon as it just takes potshots at you. It's a little distracted so that's good. Oops. Wrong thing. What? That was absolutely the wrong thing. I rolled damage first. I got ahead of myself.

This is the actual roll. Oh my goodness. We'll drop an 8 to take a 10. 14 will miss. I am above level 5 so I will use my second attack now. Good. Advantage. Hopefully this goes better. Longsword. Come on, come on, come on, come on. We'll drop a 1 to take a 2. 6 will miss. You know what it was? You took that shot at your teammates. I'll take another shot. Action surge. At the dragon. Okay good. Here we go. Third time's the charm, baby. I did not roll that. That is a crit. Oh! There we go. Didn't even need advantage. I don't roll in the crit table though, I think, right?

It's too... No, you rolled a 2 so no. But you still do... Is it double damage or max damage in 5e? I actually forget. It's double dice. So if you want to shift, you should. 14 damage to the dragon. And I get one more attack. Holy shit. Does that include your rage damage too? I haven't been including that the whole time. You should. We haven't been doing damage the entire time. Oh absolutely. This is the first round of gun damage. How much is your... How much is it? I think it's just a plus two, right? Whatever your barbarian level is. Oh then that's two. Alright. Hold on, I'll add that.

It's 16. Every little bit counts. Okay, bye now. One more attack. We can do this. 20 will hit. Beautiful, beautiful. Three damage to the dragon. Plus two. Boom, boom, boom. Done. Alright. Oh boy. Okay. Dragon's turn. Klara did the most damage that time. So two claw attacks for Klara and a bite to Aveline. Alright, here we go. Claw number one. 18 will hit. Oh wow. Minimum damage. Nine. Beautiful, beautiful. Claw attack number two to Klara. Oh 23 will hit. 14 damage to Klara. And a bite to Aveline. Oh 30. Oh shit. You're raging though. Absolutely. Okay. So. Uh, oh boy. Let's... Plus seven and...

Here we go. Oh wait, that's too many. Too many. Ignore me. There. 18 damage. So nine. Nine damage to Aveline. So that could have went, that could have went way worse. Alarath! You guys are getting the shit kicked out of you. There are no healers. Whatever you have beyond true grit is it. Yes. Sorry, I'm seeing what? Sorry, that was the end of a round. I gotta do something. That's a one, never mind. Keep going. Okay. Is that good or bad? Don't worry about it. Alright. Okay. Okay. Second, first, same as the first. Let's do it. Advantage, Enforcer, go. Give me something good. 17 will just miss.

Oh shit. Okay. I wanna use my Inspiration to reroll that. Let's do it. Oh yeah, we gotta pop those, I forgot. Do I still get advantage with the reroll? No, it's just a single roll. Is it? Okay, sorry. I'm glad I asked. Stop being sorry. Never. Ah well, fine. 16 hits. Okay. Great try. Extra attack then. Maybe on the backswing. Yeah, that's almost a crit. 25 will hit. Okay. Now I had this figured out. Why is it not working now? Of course, when it's not my turn, I could do the +7 over here. So please, I'm sorry, just add 7 to this. If you go down to the modifier and just roll up the mouse wheel, it'll do it.

Yeah, that's what I'm trying and it's not... Or if you click it and type in the number, it'll do it. Will it? Yeah. Oh! You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar. Well, minimum damage, but still. 11 damage though. Okay. As a result... Oh god, no, why? Of being bloodied. This dragon is going to lash out and try to strike each and every one of you with its tail. You're sick. Alright. You can take back the gentleman and scholar thing, I understand. Well, it's not you, it's the dragon. Cross the dragon. Bad. Uh, yeesh. So it is going to... God, let's just do this. Hold on.

And you, and you, here we go! It will hit every single one of you. What kind of damage? Bludgeoning. Resistant! It's Avalon 2. Sorry, Flora. Okay. This is just 2d8 though. Ahhhh! Fun. 16 damage? Jesus. Okay. Time for fun maths. I won't yell at you like Val did. Thank you. That's all I ever want in another human being. Just don't yell at me like that. 8 you rat bastard! Oh my god. Sorry, did I bring back music? She said when she thought she was muted. That was great. 26 total damage to Avalon. 45 total damage to Clara. Oh boy, let's see, hold on. 27 plus 9. 46 total damage to Elorath.

Why 9? Wait, what? Oh, I'm an idiot. 8, sorry. 45 total damage to Elorath. I just wanted to grow one, I guess. I don't know. Was there anything else to your turn? I think that's it. Okay, Clara, you are up. Alright, here we go. The good news is you know you've eaten at least half of its health. Half. That is true. Ahhhhh. Okay. I don't have a Healy thingy, that's done. I thought you had two. No, I get two action surges. You do. My second wind... Jon, on your turn you can use... Once you use this feature you must finish a short or long rest before you can use it again.

Is it second wind? I thought I had potions, but I don't. So, that's too bad. Anyway, I'm gonna hit this dragon. Yeah, I think the potions were in the pockets of... Of the people who ran, yeah. No, I can't give them shit. I wanted to run so badly. No, no, no, no. I can't have a roll decide whether or not I stay and then act superior to the people who ran. Now I'm checking everybody's pockets. Alright. Okay. I am throwing this... I'm gonna use my shortsword with advantage. Oof. Oof. Eleven's gonna miss. I dropped a two to take a three. Alright. My sickle. Twenty-five hits?

Oh shit. I forgot to use advantage. Let me go again just in case I get a crit. Okay. Twenty-five will hit. Alright. It's better though. So I hit it a little better. Alright. That's my damage. Eight damage to the dragon. Alright. And then I'm gonna do my extra attack. Gonna remember to hit advantage this time. Twenty will hit. Max damage, eleven. Eleven damage. I'm gonna use my second action surge. To hit it with my shortsword again. Twenty-four will hit. That's second action surge. Mm-mm. Mm-hmm. I didn't know about that. Ten more damage. Yeah, you get it. We literally just got it at level seven.

Shit. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm-hmm. Yeah. That's... I believe everything I can do. That's a lot though. You did a hell of a lot of damage. I am trying very hard. I will die with honor. Avalon. This dragon is bleeding. Oh shit. Like, you are cutting it. Like, you are... Like, it is... One would say the dragon would be stupid if it stuck around. It should probably just run away. Could I possibly roll a... God, this is gonna... This is a little cheesy. I don't know what the shit is. Oh, now I gotta hear it. I want to roll, like, a charisma to, like, bang my shield and kinda, like, use my shield to, like, annoy it as much as possible to really get its attention focused locked on me.

I want it to eviscerate me. Or try. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, I just wanna roll charisma to see if I could, you know... Okay, remember, you're like an ant to this thing, so it has to be a high one. I have to, you know, it's tough, but I just... Also, you got car on the other side, like, stabbing and cutting this fucker, like, over and over again. Okay. Let's go. I'll try the other one. Uh, like... Okay. Didn't know if that was, like, persuasion or anything. Yeah, let's see if you're... Oh my god. Did you roll that? Check. Charisma check. Yeah, I guess so. Holy shit. That's a 20.

Okay. Well, it is going to roar. I tank for my friends. It's gonna roar in Clara's face, like it is going to attack her next. So, you're just gonna see, like, spittle and sparks and stuff like that, kind of crackle around your metal armor, and then, from behind, Aveline's gonna make some godawful noise. *roars* Yeah, it's gonna be so vicious and loud that the dragon interprets that as an immediate threat, like, oh shit. Like, you have proven that you can hurt this thing. And, when it turns around, Aveline's gonna put his shield, like a shield wall in front of you, and just tap it twice.

And he's going to go on a defensive action. Okay. Would one of you be so kind as to roll a d20 for me? I'm gonna do this at the end of each round. I'll do it. Okay. Oh. That's a one. Never mind. This dragon is going to whip around, open its mouth, I knew it recharged. I didn't want you guys to go. And fire a stream of lightning in a direct line. This is some kamehameha shit. This is a lightning bolt in a five-foot line out from him. Now, oh boy. The good news is you get to do a dexterity save. Now, what will you use as my inspiration? Okay. The bad news is the save is a 19.

Okay. Yeah. Are you ready? Absolutely. Let's do it. Before I roll this, I just want to say, it's been a pleasure, and once I go, I want you guys to... Can I shout anything or something? Can I just, before it just like, as it's rearing its mouth, can I just, can I have one more word to shout or something? I'd say between you banging your sword and it whipping around, you got like, you got a second. When that happens, when that kinetic energy is building up in its mouth, the last word Evelyn, or last words Evelyn will say to people that can hear them, she's just gonna just scream it.

Thank you. He can embrace himself. Get ready. Give me a dexterity saving throw. 18. 16. 63 damage will be instant death. Okay. So this, you're gonna feel this shockwave, this static in the air, your hair is going to stand up, and you're going to see this blast, this 90 foot line of raw kinetic power rip through Evelyn. It is going to cook him in his armor. His sword and shield are going to drop to the ground as this blast, it's this concussive wave that hits the dune behind him and arcs into the sky. Alarath, your turn. Okay, sorry, I'm really like waffling here.

Because on the one hand, I really want her to shout at Clara to go. Which she probably would, but she won't leave herself. So, she'll do that, she'll just yell like "Get out of here!" and then swing on the dragon again. Okay, let's do it. What is it, plus two since we're adjacent? Yeah. Okay. Oh, why? Wait. Oh, I'm an idiot. Sorry. We're all still marked as unconscious. I'm sorry. Kinda took a little bit under there. Okay. What was the... The better roll was a 13, which would have been a 21. That'll hit! Okay. So... Still raging. So, plus, here we go. 12 damage to the dragon.

Extra turn. Oh, well. Oof. Okay, 10's gonna miss. Alright, we lost advantage. Yeah. You could choose to move on the other side of it. I was gonna say, she almost... Could she have made those attacks while she was running over to Avalon? Yeah. I... 'Cause I mean, I imagine that's like the... Shock of... Yeah. You know what I mean? So, okay, you're on the other side. Yes. Clara? Okay. And she's also trying to like, distract it as she's running around there so Clara can escape would be her other reasoning. I think everybody who was gonna leave left. I know. Yeah. Alright.

Can't blame her, Gal, for trying. Not at all, Clara. Alright. Gonna keep doing all the things I've been doing. Advantage again, though. So that's good. Yep. Alright. Sword, sword. 22 will hit. Oof. Base damage, six. Okay. Sickle. Advantage. I wish it wouldn't unmark advantage if I'd like... If nothing else has changed, but it's fine. 26. 26 will hit. Eight damage. Eight damage. Short sword again. 17 will miss. Damn it. Wait, I want to expend a superiority die, which is a 1d8, and add that to the roll. Okay, let's do it. Okay. Seven more. That'll hit. Hell yeah. Alright. And then...

Nine more damage. This dragon is hurt. Like, really, really hurt. Not hurt enough. Are you done? I think I have to be. I used everything I got. Clara. Elorath. Both of you roll a d20 for me. Okay. Dragon's turn. Oh, come on. No, I didn't. You did not. You could see that, right? No, I did not. But I'm just assuming that that's what you're looking for. You could see that, right? No, I do not. But I'm just assuming that that sigh was a recharge. It was a recharge. Yeah. But you guys are scattered, so it makes it a little difficult. Alright. Claw attack for each of you. Let's do this.

He is down to his last. Like, he is... I'd say he's too hurt to fly away at this point, because it's so fuckin' like he has expended so much of himself. He didn't anticipate you put up this much of a fight. So. Elorath first. Claw attack. 16 will hit. Just hit. With a 4. That's a roll of 4. Just so everyone knows at home. But I have resistance, so hopefully it's not too bad. You do have resistance. 18 damage, which is reduced to a 9. Uh, let's all do math. 54. 54. Thank you. Sorry, 9's my favorite number. I can count in 9's all day. Oh, sweet. You're welcome. Clara.

Your turn. And... claw attack. Quick! You won! Oh, thank god. Did it roll on the table? It rolled on the table. 11. 11. Hold up, I gotta see what 11 is. Holy shit! Cut off your own fucking head. Exactly. Wardrobe malfunction. Oh, not my scales. How embarrassing. It pees in its own mouth like we were talking about earlier. Oh, no. Damn boy dragons. Uh, hold on. It is blue, so... With your gender coloring. Oh my god. Okay, hold up, hold up, hold up. The table's malfunctioning and it didn't pull up the damn thing. So, now... Hold on. Crit fumble! 11. Oh, I got excited. Yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

You critically hit an ally. If this is impossible... Well, okay, he can't lose his weapon. So, you know what? It's gonna do damage to itself. Yes. So... Rrrrruuuupaaaaa! Nine damage to itself! Okay. Wow. That is the end of this dragon's turn. Elorath. Oh, yeah. As you ready your flail... Okay. A massive fireball... is going to streak across the dusk sky... and slam into the side of this dragon. The... fuck? If you were to turn around... Oh my god. The royals are going to be standing on a dune... Fuck me! God damn it! Oh! I thought it was Zalu. Okay, sorry, I'm sorry, Jason.

No, no, no, no, no. You are more than welcome to take your turn. I will still take my turn. I'm just like, I don't want to be saved by those assholes. *wheeze* God damn it. Okay, sorry. Again, I apologize. I'm very happy. Stop apologizing. No! Oh, we're gonna drop that one to take a 16. 22 will hit! Thank Christ. Twelve damage to the dragon. It is reeling. It is going to lower its head, and one of its eyes are going to narrow. Its iris is going to adjust to take in Elrath. And if this works, I really want to hit it square in that eyeball with my flail. Almost a crit.

Twenty-five will hit. Twelve will kill the dragon. Oh my fucking god. To clarify something, the fireball that streaked across the sky was more of a distraction than anything. I thought it was like hitting the dragon. I'm sorry. It slammed into the side of it, but it was more like... I thought that's where you were saying the nine damage came from. No, because, no, no, no, no, no. It basically injured itself in the confusion. Well, I don't think that'll matter. I'm pretty sure the royals are going to take credit for this. They might, but... I'll kill him too.

Elrath and Clara, you are going to gain two levels. Oh. From killing this dragon. Alright, I'm not as mad anymore. I'm... I feel very badly for Zac and May. Yeah, Zac is... Dude, I just got fucked, dude. I just got completely fucked. Oh, it happens. I think that's a good time for us to stop the session for this evening. I am so sorry to both Zac and Mandy that... I mean... I don't know what to say. I want to say something reassuring like, "Man, that was a really cool way to go out!" But Jesus. I mean, it was. It was, yes. I was... like, of a way to go out. Una was correct in that.

Like, the dragon is the way you want to go out in D&D. But like, that's me saying that as someone who didn't, so it's not really fair. But that's what I was telling myself throughout the entire fight. I tried to sacrifice myself for you guys. Which works, I guess. We're all trying to sacrifice ourselves. Oh, here's the thing. If Elrath had gone down, Clara would have taken the fuck off. Well, Elrath and Avalanche. She wouldn't have just abandoned him unless he told her to. But like, Elrath telling her to go didn't have the same effect. There was kind of more of a "fuck you" reaction.

I just... I think the dragon... I don't even mind dying to the dragon. It's just we killed it with three people. Oh, that kills my soul. That kills my soul. Oh my god. Man, we hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. It's been a while since I've done one of these closing out the episode things, but I have something important to talk to you guys about. Theriathon is coming. Theriathon 2020 will take place on April 25th, 2020, and it'll be from noon Eastern to midnight Eastern. We'll be doing 12 hours of groups playing and all kinds of stuff, and we really hope you guys can show up.

Now, here's what we need you to do. One, we would love a video of you talking about three things. You don't have to do all of them, but pick one that really speaks to you. You could do an impression of our show's intro, the "Let's Do That" thing. I'd love to see that and kind of splice them all together. You can talk about your favorite moment in the show. You could talk about what you'd like to see from us in the future, or where we might be in five years. Go nuts. Pie in the sky. Do whatever you like. But send those videos to dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's dandrpodcast@gmail.com.

And I'll start editing videos for Theriathon, and you'll be part of the show. If you don't know about all the stuff we posted on patreon.com/dandr, there are four groups total playing now, two each month. We have... Wardens, I believe, will be going live this month? I'm not sure. I know we posted the practice session, but we have an actual official episode for that. That's our Superhero RPG. We have New Bloods, which is our Vampire the Masquerade RPG. We have Stars Without Number. That is our Spacefaring RPG. And of course we have DRP, which is just utter chaos taking place in the world of Theria.

On top of that, we have a brand new completely unbalanced coming up for you guys. We have just honestly way too much stuff to keep up with. But if you're looking for content and you want to help support the show, it helps us immeasurably. If you go to patreon.com/dandr. And if you get a chance, give us a five-star review on iTunes and send us a review. Let us know. Let us know what you're thinking. On top of that, just spread the word about the show, and it helps us just more than you'll ever know. Thank you guys so much. We'll see you next week with a brand new episode.

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