Edge of Answers

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(CLINKING) Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... (CLEARS THROAT) With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah. You're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. This your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators. Rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Ark 3, episode 23 of the DNR Podcast is brought to you today by Theriathon 2020. Theriathon is on April 25th this year. It starts Saturday morning, noon Eastern, and it goes all day long till midnight at least. We really hope you guys can set aside time to be there, as it's going to be a packed day full of stuff and a few surprises.

Without further ado, let's get on to the show. Previously for Group B. After torturing the last remaining assailant that attacked them outside of Esterholt, the group got information that they were absolutely being hunted, and with no other choice they decided to head further north toward the Blacktip Forest, where there might be some hope of defeating the Blackhand. Let's do that thing! We'll be going around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Deja Master. Going around the table, starting with Jamie. Hey you cool cats and kittens, this is Jamie, and I play Tatiana, the human rogue. [Laughter] You stole it!

For those of you wondering, Jamie did kill her husband. It's pretty... I haven't seen Jolien in a while, so... fed him to Stormy. [Laughter] And Ian! Hey, I'm Ian, I play Cauldron Halic, the half-elf sorcerer, and hey, if you're having trouble finding gloves, just do what Cauldron does, lose your hands. And that won't be a problem anymore. And Jameson! Hi, this is Jameson, I play Largh, the half-orc zealot. And Karen! Hi, I'm Karen, and I play Callie, the elven druid. And Valerie! Hi, I'm Valerie, I'm having a really great time today, and I play Elena, the human fighter.

I believe that you sold it. I love it. Thank you. And last, and certainly not least, Alex! Hey, I'm Alex, and I play Braelyn, the halfling bard. So, um... Earth is on fire. Wait, I thought we were in Tharia. Yes, no, I'm letting listeners know. Just leave Earth behind, and we're gonna go to Tharia for a couple hours and hang out. Now... I mean, is it much better here? Well, okay! The world's about to end. Well, yeah, but to the average Therian, they don't know that. Yeah! Oh, so ignorance is bliss. It was like us eight weeks ago when we were relying on outside shit.

The cool thing is, you guys have reached a lovely pit stop. You are in Fair Bay. The outskirts of Fair Bay, to be precise. You're on a little farm. Tatiana's folks' house, to be specific. And you went and knocked on their door, and it was very, very early in the morning. Everyone's still asleep, basically, but you all were ushered into the house, and you get to take your boots off, that type of thing. You come in, and I would imagine you guys are gonna get some sleep. It's only been a handful of days since Esterhole, and you've had a rough run already. In fact, when's the last time you guys went anywhere and didn't have a rough run?

The very first camp. The first session where we left Fair Bay. Day one. Arc one. [laughter] And even then, Elena didn't win that contest, so... And in arc one, group two, and we have problems with boats getting crashed and stuff, so... That was you guys, though. You guys literally pointed to icebergs and were like, "Let's zigzag in between them." No, no, no, no. That was our captain, and I still stand by his actions. He's like, "I'm out. I can pilot this fucking thing. I got this." And then you have undead actor on his, "Captain, you hit an iceberg." And it's like, "Uh-oh.

No." Anywho. You guys are gonna wake up several hours later, and the sun is going to be shining in your face. I would imagine the first couple of times you roll over, it's like, "Mmm." That type of thing. But a smell. A smell is gonna fill your nostrils. There is sizzling bacon being cooked in an iron skillet. And I can't imagine how welcoming a scent that is. Like, that is Sunday morning breakfast, "I'm home" type of smell. You don't have to wake up and start a campfire to cook breakfast or eat rations or jerky or some shit. You guys are having a down-home cooked breakfast.

I would imagine there's some fresh-squeezed juice. Tatiana, are your folks more of a lemonade people or an orange juice people, would you say? Orange juice people. Excellent. Okay. That's fine. So you got some bacon, some eggs, some... It's a farm. So these are farm fresh brown eggs. Like, ooh, it's some good stuff, guys. Now, I know there are people in this cult who are vegan. And to that I say, there's other stuff to eat too, don't worry. I don't know if Elena's vegan. I don't either, so I didn't want to assume. You tell me. I forgot if she wasn't. I feel like I may have said it before, or maybe I didn't.

I don't think she is, though. I gotta imagine it's really tough to be an adventurer and vegan. Yeah. 'Cause like, dried meats and stuff, you just... Man, what do you do for protein on the road? Mm-hmm. But Elena does want pancakes. Okay. Pancakes can be made. Now, I'm not even gonna roll for this, because I feel like, just the way Tatiana has described her mom, I just feel like she's really good at that Sunday morning breakfast thing. I just feel like it. Like, there's way too much food. There's like, oh man, it's that thing of like, she'll just bring you stuff and put it on your plate.

It's like, here, eat up. You look so... Look, you look gray. Your palate's terrible. Eat these pancakes. I can't exactly help the fact that I'm gray, and neither can Lark, so... But I don't know if she would know that. She don't want to assume. Like, you know, are half-warts usually gray? I don't know. Like, here, eat these pancakes. You look different. I love your makeover. Yeah. It's kind of off-putting, too, because the smell of the bacon smells a little like a burnt Lark and a burnt Brelin. But Cauldin is not going to say anything. He's just going to, like, look at them while he's putting bacon in his mouth.

And just doing a long think. Actually, I feel like it's probably... I don't know that Lark would be here. I think that he would have probably gone outside at some point in the middle of the night and kind of stayed there. But he doesn't need to be there for breakfast, so it doesn't really matter. Just certain that. To like, take a walk or to just... No, like, after the things he's done, I don't know if he's comfortable being in polite company. Plus, now he's paranoid about being followed. So he's basically just posting up outside the door and just... He's not moving.

Keeping watch, you know? Okay. But I don't want to ruin an amazing breakfast scene. No, no, no, no, no. I'm thinking now, because that's... I mean, here's the thing. It's an active farm. And there are people working this farm, so you're probably going to run into people too. So don't worry about it. Yeah, they just move around him. He doesn't move. His helmet's on. They can't see him. Can I get to that cow? Excuse me. I just need to... Suplex the cow. Why is he standing next to the cow? You know what? I don't know why. I always pictured Lark as a cow person. You're thinking Minotaur.

He's not a Minotaur. No, no, no. That's racist. I mean, he just... Like, when people are walking, he'll just point it out in a field. Yeah, like he probably pets cows. Yeah, like, I don't know. Lark is the cow of people, right? Just kind of docile, friendly for the most part, except when he's breaking kneecaps and being an enforcer for the mafia. Yeah, I suppose. That's a pretty good analogy. When you put it like that, I guess it fits. I meant it in the best way. I know. So, Sarah, Tatiana's mom, is going to sit down at the table with you guys. After all this stuff is cooked, she's just going to start pumping you for information.

It's like, where have you been? What's going on? You know, you look... She would probably find a nice way to put it, but it's like, oh, you look like you've been on an adventure. The road has beaten you guys up. I think Tatiana, when she's answering, Sarah is going to be very careful. My main goal here is to not worry the family, and what we're about to do is very worrisome. So I think the bare minimum, Tatiana would talk about maybe some of the people they have run into on the road and would show off this like, gemmy robe, maybe. Like, oh, look at this cool thing that we acquired.

How cool, huh? Maybe showing off a little bit. Like, yeah, I'm doing pretty good out there, ma. I imagine it would be that flat out, that's great, honey, that type of thing. Like just, you know, still worried, but it's like, well, if you say you're doing fine. I feel like she would be the type of person every time you come back home, it's like, are you staying for a while? Are you, like, you always seem to be in the middle of something, like she's catching you at a bad time. Yeah, I think that's probably an awkward conversation because Tatiana doesn't stay very long, ever.

And always says, next time, next time, you know, I'll make sure to stay. But I think this time when Sarah asks Tatiana, like, if she was going to be staying for a while, Tatiana would maybe grab her hand while they're sitting at this table and just say, we're not quite finished with what we have to do yet, but as soon as we're done, I will come back and I will spend some time on the farm. I miss you. At a certain point, Daniel is going to come up behind, like he's going to wake up at some point and kind of come up behind Tatiana and give her a hug and like a kiss on the top of the head type of thing.

And then immediately grab a plate of bacon. Just full of just bacon. OK, Ralyn, give me a perception check, please. Yeah, I'm back in the game, baby. I mean, the last time we were here, we did eat a whole pie. You did? Yes. We. Oh, 25. Holy shit. Yeah, he's going to he's going to say hello to everybody. It's like, hi, everybody. And he's going to the entire time he's saying hello, he's going to inch quickly over to the bacon and pile up some before Ralyn gets to it all. Ralyn will look at this and like part of it is his instinct is like, oh, no, I don't have any bacon.

But in his mind, he's like, you hear something that basically says like, you don't want anything. Oh, it's it's it's going to be unusual. And I think everyone it's very perceptible. Everyone sees this face of him, like like getting kind of worried the way like a toddler gets worried when you take something from them. But then it just gets like subdued by something else. And he just kind of goes back to just nodding and listening to the conversation happening at the table if there's any kind of conversation. And I imagine most of the conversation is just talk like kind of she's doing that super mom thing of like asking questions that the kind of getting to know you stuff.

It's like, oh, what's it like to be a wizard? What's it? You know, that type of thing. You look pale. That type of shit. Like just trying to get to know your friends. I wouldn't know because I'm a sorcerer. Thank you very much, Sarah. You're bacon as shit. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume your spellcasting. I mean, it's not like he called him a warlock or anything. No, no, that would be problematic. One of Tatiana's brothers is actually going to come bounding into into the room at a certain point. Like you could tell he just got dressed. That type of thing.

Huh? What are we talking about? Well, it's weird because Tatiana described him to the group as super bangable. And I think that's a little weird. Oh, good. He's 18 and above. All right. We're switching the game to a Tiger King role playing game. This is Norwood. Two brothers, two husbands. Stop. I didn't mean to do it. I'm not trying to ruin your family. I'm sorry, Jimmy. But he's called Woody most of the time, just because Norwood's kind of a proper name, that type of thing. But I picture almost a Wesley looking guy from Princess Bride, that type of thing. Oh, he's handsome.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And definitely piling up. I have a question. Hit me. Is Wesley the as you wish guy? Yes. Yes. That is Carrie always. I get it. I'm good. Dreamy. So I imagine he comes bounding into the room and just feline right for the food. Probably only passingly. It's like, hey, and just like goes for the food. Doesn't really. Tatiana is going to stand up. Hello. And is going to walk over and give him a will pull him away from the food and sort of give him like an aggressive older sister noogie, like on the head. You aren't even going to say hello to your sister.

And she's like fighting him that he is going to violently shove you across. No, he's no role initiative. No, there's going to be this kind of wine. Like he's he's reaching for the fits like like that kind of thing. And he is going to kind of kind of tussle a bit with you. And it's like, hey, there's a lot of people here. I want to get I want to get something before it's all gone. And she'll let go. It was just like playful. And before it's before he goes back to the foods like, hey, it's good to see you, though. Seriously, you kind of gives you that that that smile like now.

But seriously, it's it's you know, you're not terrible. These pancakes are amazing. How do you what's what if you don't mind my asking, what is your secret? How do you get them so so fluffy? Well, everything's everything's fresh right here. I make my own flour. I'd be happy to show you how. Well, I I'm afraid we don't have the time, but maybe next time I do enjoy eating them, however. Well, I'll make them for you every time you come back. Tatiana said you still have business to attend to out there. We do. In fact, we like she said, we can't stay long. There's one thing that I need to do.

May I use your barn? I think she thought the last word in that sentence was going to be bathroom. It might as well be. That's going to take her like. Of course, is. Why? Just something that we need to do before we head out on the road and I'll need all of you as well. And he looks to everyone whenever you're done eating, just meet me there. Thank you so much for the breakfast and for the hospitality. Oh, you're leaving today. He looks to Tatiana. Tatiana is going to sort of like look at her mom with the eyes you look at your mom with when you brought him a bad grade and just say, yeah, we're kind of on a tight timeline.

Give me a perception check, please. Or insight or insight. I mean, they're both equally horrible. But it doesn't matter, mofos, because I know my mom is so good. Oh, that's a crit. You can see the instant her heart breaks like that. She steals herself. It's like, oh, like, like she thought for sure. It's like, well, surely more than one day. Right. Like it just and she's. I think if you didn't know her, you wouldn't pick up on it. Tatiana, seeing this is going to walk over and give her sort of an over the shoulder hug and like tilt her head down onto her head and just sort of whisper talk.

But don't worry. Like I said, as soon as this is done. I'll try my best to come out here, I really do want to help out and look over to her dad, who's probably unassumably like chomping down on bacon. Yeah, I don't know that he's I I feel like he's a breakfast guy, like he's not fully functioning until he's had breakfast. And yeah, she's going to, I can steel herself and she she understands it's just, you know, it's been a while. At least the visits are getting closer together. Right. Like this is kind of a step up. Yeah. Like this isn't this isn't bad. It's like, OK, well, if you visit every few weeks or something like that, every every couple of months, that's something like that's that's better.

And I promise I'll keep writing. I don't want to pressure you, honey. I completely understand you. You're you're a big time adventurer now. You have a lot to do. And I'm I'm sure you're out there helping people. Feels awkward. You know that you always have a place here, though, right? Tatiana will just give a little squeeze again and just say, I know. Here, before you go, you do whatever it is you need to do in our barn and I'll make you some plates to go. All right. That sounds like a plan. And we'll give like another little hand squeeze of her shoulder and sort of give her brother a pat on the head and walk over to where Cauldin was headed.

Your brother will absolutely give you a hug, by the way, because he knows you're not staying. He probably figured he had a little bit more time to like hang out, go to the market or whatever. But like he's like, OK, I was kind of a dick. OK, hold on. Just I here's the other thing. These are a hardy people, right? They tend to they tend to be a little more muscular. And these are farm people. They they're they're lifting hay bales. They're they're up in the morning every day. They're walking around and your mom probably thinks Cauldin is weird, like not not as a person, but it's like, oh, man, a stiff breeze could knock that guy over.

You be careful. Why are you going to our barn? Like weird stuff like that. Like it's just like the Sheldon Cooper of your group to her. It's like, oh, well, be careful. Like it's that type of thing. You have a lovely house. Goodbye. So are you collecting lark at the barn? Yeah, if we go if we go outside the house and we can see him. Yeah, I'll say I'll say like, hey, I'd love to have you over at the barn if you if you're not busy. And he'll kind of like move for the first time in a couple of hours and be like, yeah, all right, sure. Just kind of like brush his hands off and on his pants and keep and just walk over to the barn.

Did you want any breakfast or anything? And bacon. That's OK. I'm not really hungry. Well, I like sad lark. Did you sleep at all? No, I don't I don't think I need to do that anymore. You know, kind of like glance over to Braille and it's like Braille is walking out of the house. It's just not a news from its. Don't just don't feel like it, you know. OK, OK, well, yeah, come to the barn with us, take your mind off of not having to sleep. All right. I'll just follow him. Well, color me curious, what what are you doing in the barn? So we go to the barn and we slide the door open.

It's got like hay and that those rays coming in with all the like particles and everything. Ah, don't forget the smell and the smell of that barn smell, that hay smell, that dung smell. There you go. That's the that's the more smelly part of the smell. Smells like livestock, smells like work. And when everyone comes in, Coleman shuts the door and he turns everyone and he's like. I know we have a long journey, but I wanted to try something before we go. You all know now that I've been working on some magic and it started here when we got attacked by the fang.

And we heard they were working for the Black Hand and we set out. I started that night working on this magic. And we can see like in the foreground, like little mice like me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Like running, running around this barn. And he's like, I made a promise to all of you that I wasn't going to endanger any more innocent lives, but I really need to start this, start using this, start testing this on a living person. I think I can only get so far on animals. I need to see how it really works on a on a life being like a life humanoid.

And I thought a lot about this. And so I, I need to test it. And then he like goes over and sits down somewhere in the hay and makes a little spot, sits cross-legged. And he's like, when I first started this, I thought I had to do this alone because I was really worried about what you would think, what you would say. And he like looks directly at Brelyn that you would despise me for this. But it's something that has to be done. And I realize coming from here and going all the way around that I don't have to do this alone. And I have you all here to help me, to help me learn this, to help me figure this out.

So I'm going to test this spell on myself right here, right now. And if anything goes horribly wrong, I'll need all your help. Larg looks around at the rest of the group to see how they react, because he's not sure how to react. Brelyn is just standing there kind of mouth open. If the spell messes up, how do we help you? This spell messes up. I mean, I don't I mean, I'm good with magic. I'm OK with magic. I just I don't think I can reverse anything. What are you talking about? Brelyn, you know me better than anyone. I know your magic is strong. And if you can if you sense that something is wrong, if you see something is wrong, you'll know to jump in.

You'll know to do something. Yeah, I guess. And he like kind of rose his forehead. But I mean, Galen, this is you're talking about making things up like this is. That's a pretty thin line between extreme failure and moderate success. I know I realize that, but I can't cross that threshold at the moment when it matters. It has to be a success. It cannot fail when we need it, if we need it. Can you test it on a battle before you need it? I mean, the chances of us running into a foe on the road again are high. As she looks to the sky. Astronomically. Well, I I thought I could try it on that on the Drow assassin, but Larg made quick work of him.

And so that option was off the table. Now we're left with this. And like I said, I've thought about it. I need to know how far I can push it. I need to know what it's actually going to do to a person inside them. What better way to know that than to find out myself. Do you describe to the group what you're trying to do? To be clear, this is the spell you and I have been talking about for a few years, right? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. So do you describe that? Yeah, I would relay like I would I would gesture everyone to sort of like come near and tell them exactly like what the plan is, how it's about like trying to freeze water from inside, but at pinpoint locations like heart, lung, brain.

And to do so very quickly. But yeah, but it's it is difficult magic to wrangle. And I let them know I let them know exactly what I'm trying to do. So do me a favor, everybody in the group, give me an Arcana check, please. And please go ahead, Valerie. Oh, so Elena's sort of been in the back of this of the sort of group. And Elena is going to speak up and say, you should try it on me. OK, let me chime in just just a second. So the goal is to essentially cryogenically free someone. Right. The problem. Well, yeah, from the inside. Yeah, yeah. Yes, you're yes. So Braille and Tatiana and Cal, they have some magical knowledge here and they would know that the odds are you would kill somebody like you'd freeze them from the inside and something could snap off, something they might not unfreeze the same way.

You'd like you're you're you're freezing vital organs and you're you're you know, that's a that's a big deal. So most likely what you would do is free someone to death. Well, Elena doesn't know that. No, I know. I know. I think I would look at Cali first and kind of look back to to call them. No, I don't think anyone should be this shouldn't be tested on anyone besides maybe one of the two zombified guys is going to like motion towards himself and large. I mean, if we go down, we come back up again. I thought about that. I thought about that. But this even though.

It's dangerous. And that sort of eliminates some of risk. It's. Incredibly painful. I can't do that. He's going to laugh. He's going to chuckle. Look at the ground. Maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm missing a lot of sensation these days. Any kind of like motions his hand up and down to like his whole body. I don't think a little bit of pain or a lot of bit of pain to test this thing out, which could potentially save us in battle. I think I think it's worth it. Colin's going to think long and hard. And he's going to look at you and large. And he said, and he's going to shake his head.

No, no, no. No, it should be me after all that I've done to make this happen. If anyone should have to feel this, it should be me. And I'll know if it's too much. I can I can pull back if it's somebody else. I won't know. I won't know how far I can go. And hearing this is going to shake his head and say, you know, I was really hoping I didn't have to do this and he's going to cast invisibility and then he's going to run up to Kaladin and start punching him. Wait, what? OK. OK, so here's what we're going to do. Your first swing, you get an advantage. That's the goal.

OK, let's do it. What? Wait, are you trying to knock him out? No, I'm just trying to punch him, like hurt him so he can like get him a little upset, like do it, cast it. You better do it. I'm going to keep punching you. OK, let's let's do it. I mean, no weapon modifier, but, you know, I don't have it. It's my strength mod. Yeah. Yeah. So that's plus zero. So it's just a d20. But it's with advantage. Well, there's the first one. That's an eight. Let's do better. That's a twelve. There we go. What's your DC, Kaladin? I'm pretty sure I missed. Seventeen? Yeah, seventeen.

We're level ten, of course it's seventeen. Yeah, that's not going to that's not going to quite do it. Ow, ow, ow, Kaladin. What are you doing? He's going to just keep the invisible voice. Oh, I guess after he turns visible and then he swings. He's not. Yeah, he comes out of it and he's like, the next one's not going to be my fist. It's going to be a thunderclap and he's going to have his hands out like he's going to do the thunderclap inside the barn. Oh, my God. They have animals. A static. Tatiana, interrupt, please. Yeah. Tatiana needs to interrupt and she's going to say, you guys are being ridiculous.

We do not have time for this. We have to get to the Blacktip Forest. If you want to practice, I guarantee you there will be more assassins on the road because I've seen more assassins in the last three months with you than I have in my entire life. So should we get going? Maybe. And she's obviously very agitated at this because, like, she just saw her family and she doesn't want to go. But she has to. And this is annoying. That's a good point. His hands kind of go back to their sides and one of them is still kind of charged. He's kind of looking at Kaladin like, you had this.

This was your chance. He turns it off. He's not going to do it. Do you know how little it takes to get chickens not to lay eggs? Now you got eggs. I'm just saying they they spook so easily like a thunderclap. That would be it. That'd be into that. I'd explode. Bankrupt the farm. No more eggs. Kaladin will take a step away from Brelyn as he puts his magic hand down. And he'll look at Tatyana and say, I agree, we don't have much time. And if I can't figure this out and the clock ticks down, that'll be it. It may be for nothing. You don't want us to come to find more assassins on the road.

We need to not have that happen. And we need to get going. I agree. But if you can't help me now, you'll have to help me sooner or later. This this is something that we have to discover. This is something we have to refine or it's not going to work. Tatyana is going to sort of like calm herself down and like taking deep breaths loudly. I'm like, I just don't think it's a very good idea to have any member of this team down when we have so far to still go. I know what's in the silver glade and we need to be ready for it. And I don't think this is a good idea.

You do what you need to do and I will be there. But my vote is no. And here I thought I didn't have to do this alone. And then Kalden will walk out of the barn and get on the road. Yeah, I guess we- Brannon walks out. Well, you guys have your horses and we all had a talk before this episode started. We agreed that Karen was going to roll the first travel. I hate you. This was the group. The group voted. They did? But I was not there. Yeah, yeah, we did. The ERP went so well that you're overdue. You're overdue. This new group knew you. Karen. Karen. Karen. Okay, let's see how the first couple of days are going to treat you guys.

Come on, mama. Am I rolling a d20? You rolling a d20. We're using our travel dice, right? You say the word. No, not yet. We should wait till we get to- my suggestion is that when we get to that first part of the silver glade, then we use the travel dice. Alright. I'll remember you said that. Oh, the number of the beast. Here we go. Attack them. Let's do it. That would be really fucking hilarious if the first thing we hit out of fair bay is assassins. You guys step outside the barn in the fucking foot plan attack. So nobody kill them. I need to practice. So, oh boy.

Well, the good news is fair bay is a pretty peaceful place. Karen, could you do me one more favor? Yeah. Could you give me a 1d4? One. Alright. Only one murder hobo. One murder hobo. Last time we left it was Razorfly. Yeah, shit. Yeah. You don't want that. So you're leaving on the 16th of Altororn. On the 17th, you guys have left the road and you are officially in the wilderness. That's where the stakes get higher. But you're taking a shortcut, right? It's the fastest way from point A to point B, right? You're just, you know, so you guys are going to be in this.

It's a pretty open area, right? And you're going to end up getting lost. Just a bit turned around. And you're going to get lost for a full day. Let's get you a... Let's say this square represents you. So you're going to get... Basically, we're going to eat up a day. That's all. So it's going to be... You leave the 16th... So it's the 18th of Altororn. We saw a montage of everybody arguing with each other all through the 17th. But where to go? I picture it's like that good 10-15 minute chunk in Blair Witch where they're just arguing about the map. We cross one way, one of us is leading, everybody else is yelling at them.

We cross the other way, the other person is leading. We cross for a whole day. We're yelling at each other for a whole day. Well, it was pretty tense when you guys left. So you guys are going to start to... You're going to come up on a river. And what we're going to do is... This is still the 18th of Altororn. You guys have a choice. We're going to do some Oregon Trail type shit. This is a pretty damn wide river. And you're not exactly sure how deep it is, but it does look like it's moving at a pretty good clip. Do you want to try to take your horses through it, or do you want to search for a more shallow way to cross?

You'd actually be surprised at how deep water can get before horses can't handle it. Yeah, I played Red Dead Redemption. There you go. Learn that lesson the hard way a few times. Water spills, man. Is there a way I can mark this map? Can I do a mark on this map? I think you can. Right click and do something to it. Do stuff. Here we go. There you go. Nice. You know what? I don't like the green. Let's change it. I don't like the green. Let's do more of... I think that blue shows up much better. Oh yeah. It's more friendly. Alex would like to vote for find shallow water, and I think Brelin, traveling through various greatest hits, knows that rivers are going to empty out somewhere, so he'll vote for finding shallow passage also.

Okay. If we actually have a map of some kind, it would make more sense for us to be trying to figure this out, but I feel like we should head up this way to where the river kind of breaks into tributaries, right? Because then there's fewer crossings before we get through all this, instead of having to cross it and then cross back over it and then cross these other loops. Or have to find the Silverglade. Yeah. Just do the two rivers, other than like three or five of them. Hell yeah, dude! So is that what you want to do? Yeah, I like that plan. Yeah, that's good.

So you're going to spend a few hours following this shoreline here, and you will find a spot to cross over. So you're going to be beyond the rivers and stuff here. Fantastic spot for fishing, for obviously stocking up on water. You guys have food. You're pretty good in terms of rations. You're eating one third less than you used to, thanks to Brelin and Larg, so that's cool. I imagine Larg's an eater. I imagine Brelin's an eater. Yeah, I don't know about the halflings in Theria, but I like to imagine that they eat a lot. I mean, yeah. I don't know. It's like every time we go out to a restaurant, the Larg portions and the Brelin portions are the exact same.

I picture very shaggy and Scooby-Doo. Brelin's more like a squirrel. He'll keep some for later, like "oh yeah, this lasagna, yeah, that's going in my pocket for sure." Pocket lasagna. All right, here's what we're going to do. We're going to go right down the line, guys. And we've all had our fun and we all made Karen roll, but now it's time for... let's go Jamison. Jamison, give me a flat T20. Wait, hang on. You have 17. 17 kobolds. Yeah, kobolds? That's nuts. Let's do it. Freeze 'em. What were you going to say, Ian? Karen, you have walk on water, right? Can you cast that?

Is that only on yourself? Shaky because... I didn't stock it. Oh, well, never mind. But... Is it worth camping here and then doing it in the morning? I think I just need to do a short rest. Well, here's the thing. It's not like you guys are walking. You're not riding for days at a clip without sleeping. Like, you can change your spells out whenever you want, man. Do you want it? Let me, hold on, let me find it. Sure. I'm in my 400 spell. Also, Jamison, I have my sheet. Sorry to get some housekeeping here. Teleportation Circle is a level negative one spell. I think that's not right.

That's not right. You're right. That's not correct. Well, technically you're dead, so... I gain spell slots for using it, is what it means. How is that... every once in a while something gets... Yeah, that's a third level spell. Yeah. I don't think it's... I think it's not on... It's one... creature. But I could cast it six times. Can you cast it for the horses, too? Well, you would cast it on the horses. Yeah, you wouldn't need to cast it on you. Yeah. Hey, there we go. That's genius. Freak the horses right out, though. Yeah. Yeah, Rumpdropper ain't gonna do... It would just, like, eat up half of my spell slots, though.

Oh. But... I kind of think it's worth it, honestly. I mean, we need to go. Okay. I'm down. We need you to horse whisper, Callie. There goes all my level three and level four spell slots. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, shit. What's the worst that could happen? Oh, no. Oh, boy. Hey, the last fight we did, she was tied up the whole time. We'll be okay. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's true. We're gonna get Karen a complex. Hold on a second. Let's not. I feel very attacked today. Oh, remember the quote for that whole fight was, "Damn, it would be nice to have a Callie at this point." That's true.

Yeah. I mean, if we do a short rest after that, I can get back a couple of those. I mean, the amount of time we would save just doing it, I think would allow us a short rest. Yeah. Okay. So we'll do that. So guess what? Let's jump ahead to the 20th. Did we solve your river puzzle? Wasn't really. It's just water. I just wanted to see what you do. So you guys are nearing the Silver Glade. And here's where things are going to start getting tricky. A low roll around this area could bork you all. So it kind of funnels you in because to your left, to the west, you have, I see people screaming "Travel Die" in the chat, but to the west, you got these hills.

Hills are going to slow you down because they're hills and you're on horseback and all that stuff. To the right, you have the Silver Glade, and dead center, you have rivers. So would you like to use your Travel Die? Yeah. I mean, there's four of us saying yes. Well, let's see. I say, Alex, do me a favor. Give me a D4. A D4? D4. All right. Ooh! Four! Wow. So for those of you who don't know, a Travel Die presupposes that the best possible outcome is going to happen to you while you're on the road using a Travel Die in this area. So the best possible outcome in breezing past the Silver Glade here is that you will not be beaten to death by a Briar Troll or mauled to death by a Werewolf.

You are going to just get through the area and everything will be fine. So let's-- Hashtag blessed. Hash-- [LAUGHTER] It is the 24th. Man. Oh my gosh. Man, we sped that up so good. Oh my-- this is crazy. Can I say something? Yes, please. I do want to spend like a few hours every day in hawk form to kind of just like make sure no one's following us. Oh, smart. Give me a Perception check. OK. You know what? Do I get advantage? Yeah, you do. Got them hawk eyes. Poiseuption. Well-- [LAUGHTER] That's not bad. Well, we're going to drop that one. And we're going to take a 9.

That's 18. Thank god. You're not seeing anything, but you will look into the-- you'll see movement in the Silver Glade here and there. And you'll see-- like on your periphery, you'll see hill giants and drakes and stuff in those mountains and blistering peaks. And you'll-- where you guys are is perfect. You're kind of slipping by all this stuff. You're sneaking in the back way. Cool. So-- Hey, if we're-- if we-- we've got this book, right? This like demon summoning book? Is there anything in there about banishing them? Do you want to read the book? Yes. OK. So I picture this as like curling up at night by the fire, reading material type of thing?

Mm-hmm. Right in the fire. Right-- [LAUGHTER] Could you do me a big old favor? And could you give me a-- give me an intelligence check, just a flat old intelligence. Got it. [LAUGHTER] I'm going to use my advantage that I've been sitting on. Ah. That was a six. That's the whole dang time. That was a six, everybody. Yeah, not good. He's holding it upside down. [LAUGHTER] What is book even? How do magpies work? You're stressed. Oh, no. Well, that's better. It's a little better. It's-- OK. This is not-- this is a dense read. You know? Like it's a-- it's a thick book.

And you will pick up a few things. Like maybe-- maybe some information on lower demons, that type of thing. Like you might-- you might pick up a couple of tips about the clicker. But it's stuff you kind of already knew. With an 11, it's not-- I wouldn't say there's any earth-shaking news. There's no way to banish. There's no-- You're not seeing it. Got it. Yeah. But there's a lot of-- Everything we know in the book, we've kind of learned from experience already. Sadly, the hard way. Yeah, you guys have found-- you guys have found out a lot about demons the hard way.

All right. I'm sorry. I wanted better for you. Boring read anyway. I toss it in the fire. OK. [laughter] You just come out. There are demon traps in the book. Yeah, that's what it was. Yeah, no. Oh, OK. Oh, that was the secret. The pages, the words, the hidden words come up with the fire. We did it. [laughter] OK. Valerie. Yes, I am here. [laughter] I'm going to need a travel die from-- not a travel die, sorry. Give me a flat D20. Right now. A flat D20? Right now? Wait, wait, wait. Oh, God. Well, six. No, you didn't say right now. So what were you going to say? What I was going to say is you guys are entering a little portion of Theria called Dragon's Reach.

I'm going to say that. What I was going to say is you guys are entering a little portion of Theria called Dragon's Reach. [laughter] Oh, OK. And then now I roll, right? No, no. We got your roll. Whoa, OK. You know what? We'll go with your second roll. It's fine. We'll just go with that one. I think we should take the second roll, you guys. Oh, no. No, veto, veto. So everyone at home, Valerie rolled a six, then she rolled a one. So in her hubris. I'm going to give you guys a choice. You roll a six. It's Dragon's Reach. I'm going to give you a choice between door number one and door number two.

Karen. No. Oh, shit. I have an idea. OK. What if you give us three choices, right? We pick one. You then take away one that was like, like, like there's two bad ones. That's called Let's Make a Deal. Right. You take, you give us, we pick one, then you take away one of the bad ones. Then we have a 66% chance of getting a good one. Yeah, that's not how this works. But we don't know what the options are. Yeah, you don't. That's one, that's Let's Make a Deal. Can you present our showcase to us? So. We do the prisoner's dilemma. We're going to take both of these no matter what.

Here's the thing. And it's up to you to and then we'll split it with you afterwards. How does that sound? OK. Both of these options are hostile. You roll a six. Now, one of these options is a straight up fight. But it's a fight that would be a bit more fair for your party makeup. We pick that door. Hold on. The other option is hostile and it is not fair, but you're not in an outright fight yet. Door number one or door number two? Wait, do we not know which is behind which door? Of course you do. Where's the fun in that? Well, because I didn't know if you were just picking.

Oh, you're just picking. It's just luck. What do you feel good about? What did the doors look like? It looks like the front door to the house in full house. Well, OK, door number one looks like the door, the front door to the house in full house. So it's that red wooden door. And door number two looks like the front door to the house in family matters. I just rolled a d20 and rolled a 13, so I'm going with door number two. I'll go with two. That sounds good. I'll go with two. Door number two? What if we all roll dice? We really put it up to chance. Karen had the choice, so.

I mean. I'd vote door number one. OK, we have two for door number two, one for door number one. What does that mean? I don't know what we're doing. I just did one through ten, one, eleven through twenty. OK, door two. Yeah. OK, we have three votes for door number two. Jamie, how you feeling about this? Two's good. Two? OK. Jamison? Oh, it's already that's already majority. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I want to you get to have that. I told you so if you get it right. It's true. No, there's no I don't. I don't I don't need I don't need to gloat, Jason. OK, you abstain. No, I'm just going to I just want to fight something.

OK, your vote counts, OK? I'm a survivor, though you vote with the majority. Here we go. Bernie Sanders is going to fly overhead. Yay! I'm drooling my voice. Either are good. Please help us out of hell. Please come get us. Anywho, sorry. Let's put you right about. Here on the map. So you're approaching the Hayes on Mount. And it is up the 25th now. And the sun is setting. And there's this beautiful golden hue on the horizon. And you're going to hear this this this washing sound overhead. And it is this massive red dragon. And it is going to fly clean over your head and into the mountains and pay you no mind.

But about that time, as you're looking at the dragon, an arrow is going to fly at each one of you. Could you each give me a dexterity saving throw? If they're riding that dragon, dude. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was all of us roll. I wasn't paying attention. Even with my seven. God, I'm like, I know. Yeah, very average. You know, we're the same. Yay. I just wanted you all to know that I did not have a I'm the only one without a modified. Yeah, I'm a leader from now on. Yeah, I think so. He's killing it. OK, so let's set you up with some door number two.

Fucking bandit. Do I catch the arrow? Well, in a way, yes. With your body. With your thigh. It goes right through because you're such a frail boy. At least it went through. The arrow actually slides in your body and replaces your thigh bone. It fits perfectly. Somehow it feels sturdier. Oh, I needed this bone. I needed this stability. Thank you. So. Thugs, thugs, guys, let me set you up with a map. Thugs. Yeah. No, this is there's not much in the way of ambiguity with this fight. This is just. They're brazen enough to fire on us. They're highwaymen. Yeah, yeah, they're road agents.

They're fucking like, you know, we don't have anything. We have nothing. We want to catch these hands, you know where to go. I throw the bell at them and run. We don't want it. Oh my gosh. I didn't even think of this, but how is Braylon's hand? It's all fine now. Yeah, it was gross for a few days. It was gross, but I wasn't sure how long it was gross for. Yeah, technically both my hands are still gross because I'm undead. So yeah. Is it a bone hand now like Calvin's or is it? It did grow muscle and skin eventually. OK. It took a bit because it's. Is it like discolored?

A little bit. Yeah, like it was. I mean, it's still gray like the rest of them. You know. Yep, that fits. All right. Let's get you guys this map so you can fight some thugs. Thug thugs. That's my thug song. Oh my God. Do you think we'll need the world map anymore or are we probably good? Maybe toward the end. I already closed it. I can always reshare it. It's all good. That's what I figured. I think you can just do it again. I got that power. I got the power. Shoot, Jason. I have a question. Hit me. I have a feature that says that I have an advantage on dexterity. Oh, never mind.

It's not saves. It's just regular ones. Yeah. Poop. I'm sorry. I was looking through all my stuff for this upcoming battle. I don't blame you. So party leader Callie is going to be up front here. Did you share the map? I'm sharing it now. Hold on. Oh, okay. Just kidding. We can zoom out real far. Party leader, party mama, hot mama, hot mama Callie. Road ambush. I like the name of this map. I mean, I thought it appropriate, right? You know, we all know what's going on here. Why am I unconscious on the map? Excuse. I'm working on it. The last time you got into a fight, it didn't go well.

Okay. The last two fights didn't go well. What are you talking about? So these guys are going to jump out of a bush in a second. So first off, let's give you guys. Well, okay. We're going to start off with a long rest, right? And we're going to get rid of unconscious. Anybody else unconscious? Everyone good? Yeah. Okay. So everybody who failed that deck save, let's see. Sorry. Let's give you guys 2d6 damage. Oh damn. Seven. These motherfuckers. Lucky number seven. So let's see. Tatiana gets seven. Can I uncanny dodge and only take half? That's probably. Yeah, let's do that.

Three. Kaladin gets seven. Raylan gets seven. Yeah, no uncanny dodge for me. Elena gets seven. Lard gets seven. Callie's fine. Yay. I ducked in the arrow hit Raylan instead. Oh, you must have got on the ground. You must have got on the straight ground. Hey, I know these tokens. Yeah. Thugs and these are captains, right? Yeah. Champions. Yeah. Thugs and champions. I like these guys. They're like my favorite NPCs to use. They're nice. Thugs are exactly what you expect. They're kind of the unskilled labor of the underworld. And champions are basically hired muscle here to fuck you up.

So be careful. Yeah, champions are really good. Sorry I'm meta gaming, but I'm just in awe that we actually get to use champions. We get to fight champions. I mean, you're welcome. Everybody, do me a favor. Roll initiative. Oh, I love that. Oh boy. I love watching my name slide down the initiative. Hell yes Tatiana. Oh my God. That's a dirty. That's a real 20. That's a Tatiana real 20 and a dirty 20. Holy shit. Oh boy. There's a clump of them. Yeah, but this is the opposite of how it usually goes. It's four of you guys, then a couple of them, then the rest of you guys, then just them.

So let's start with Tatiana at the top of the order. Oh boy. I've never been first. So Tatiana is going to see this arrow fly and like hit her and see like this, I guess, wave of arrows hit her comrades and is going to pull out her bow and sort of like swing around to see who these opponents are and will. Let's see if she swings around. I suppose the first one she would see would be the one if we're headed to the right. I would say left like you're going up. Like we're going up. Oh, so then I would see the champion first. Yeah, because he's like in the road.

All right. Here we go. 25 will hit. Well, you know, six damage to the champion. What is that? Someone's planning something. Oh my God. Seems like a Kaladin thing. Yeah, that's a Kaladin thing. Unless that's Jason with the dragon's breath weapons. That's not me. That's Illuminati confirmed. All right. Anything else? I'm not very good with the drawing thing. No, you're fine. I'm not good ahead of the game. Nope, that's all I can do. All right. I resent the map. Let's see here. Kaladin. Kaladin's going. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, I was just going to say, I can see that you're.

Go ahead. What I'm gearing up to do. Kaladin is going to look around and can we see all of the, he's going to look around at everyone visible and say, who shot this arrow? There's one dude in the back. Well, you're not getting it back. And he's going to move up here. And then he's going to brace himself, dig in and hold out his hand. And this frost magic is going to explode out from a point from his hand and turn into this enormous cone. And you could swear almost the way that it glints in the sun, that it's almost in the shape of a dragon. It's open real, real big.

So let me, let me do these. Let me do these boys dirty and do a kind of cold. Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. Perfect. Perfect. Did that work? Yes. Cool. Perfect. So champion number one is going to fail and Jesus, everyone else is going to fail except for thug number five. Now here's the thing. The champion is going to pop an ability called indomitable. The champion re-rolls a failed saving throw. Ooh. Yeah. So he's going to, what is that a con? It is con DC 17. Got it. 12. I think that still fails. Yeah. Nevermind. He, he's going to take it anyway. So do your damage.

Okay. Give me one sec. Cause I get to add, cause it's cold damage. I get to add a little bit extra. Just a little. Just a little extra. Fuck you. I think your salt bay just like ice. Right. Okay. I think I should, if I put in the, if I do the adjusting thing and roll damage, it'll do it automatically. Right? Yes. Okay. Theoretically. Holy shit. Oh my God. Oh, you just killed thought. Number two. Thought number one, thought number four. And you heard the other one. Wow. Okay. Oh yes. This dragon snaps its jaws. If it were indeed that and shatters into a cloud of mist and called in, looks at Tatiana and says, I need one of them alive.

Oh God. And then how do I get rid of this fucking pointer thing? I got your fan. Oh, thank you so much. No problem. And that'll be my turn. Thank you. Good Lord. Good job. Braylin. Not sure. Three of them. I don't have anything that kills three of them. That's so sick. Oh my God. Very nice. Very nice. I'm going to move. What's my speed. I haven't really moved that much ever in this game. It's 25. But you're small. Five, 10, 15, 20, 25. Why am I so, why do I have people select? Oh, that's Lark. I'm sorry. Lark squeezed through him. So I touched Lark. I'm sorry. I'll go here.

Down here. Right here. We're very good at D&D. It's easier in person. So Braylin's going to like skitter. That's the only way I can explain it. All the way down the road, like passing large. Excuse me, big guy. And just like kind of moving away from him, using the rock that's there as like a wall jump surface. And when he gets to champion one right here, he's going to cast. I haven't used this one yet, but I've been wanting to. Warding wind. Oh. And so it's an action. It's just him saying a word. So he just like sings something really quickly. I think it's like the Peter Griffin trying to say the whole alphabet real fast.

He just goes like, "Dah!" And then all this wind within a 10-foot radius of me moves with me. So I have like this basically this consistent mini tornado around me. It deafens me and other creatures in the area. It extinguishes unproductive flames. It's difficult terrain for creatures other than me, and attack rolls of ranged weapon attacks have disadvantage. Okay. So you guys are basically 1v1'd. Yeah, and I have like this little storm of wind around me. That's pretty hot. So you got this champion all to yourself. Yeah, I'm hoping he just like tries to attack me the most.

And I don't know if there's a way to like turn on the spell in the chat like I normally do. There we go. Let's do that. Yeah. Okay. And that's only a level 2 spell slot. And do I have any bonus actions? I no think so. No, I'm good. Okay. And that's it for me. Oh, boy. Callie, your turn. Okay. I am going to cast a spell called Tidal Wave. There is a river near us. It's going to take some of that river water there, and I'm going to attack champion number 2 and thug number 3. Oh, boy. They have to do a DC save. Wow. Wow. Fucking rude. So thug number 3 is going to roll a crit, and champion number 2 is going to roll a crit 1.

Cool. I think on a failure, on a success, creature takes half damage. Okay. Okay. Yeah. That's good. That's good. That's good. Okay. And then thug -- no. Which one is the one that got hit? It was champion 2. Champion 2. He is prone. Well, I don't like that. Sorry. That's okay. Thug number 5. Now they get to -- okay. So thug number 5 is going to climb over this rock. Yeah. Okay. So when he goes there, he's in difficult terrain. Got it. 2, 3. He can still get here. I tried, guys. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He rolls through the brambles. Is it magical? Is it like magical terrain? Yeah.

Like he's walking against wind. Cool. Okay. Cool. Cool. Like he's a mime, guys. This thug now -- thug number 5 is a mime, canonically. It's a mime college. Yeah. He's going to hold his invisible hat on and walk up to Elena and then try to hit Elena in the face with his mace. Finally, that mime degree is -- Wow. He's going to roll a 6. Never mind. Perfect. I'm going to use riposte. Here it is. Here we go. This is how it starts. There he is. Because Elena does not have time for this. So I'm going to expand to superiority die and make a melee weapon attack. All right. And let's see.

If I hit, I add it to -- I'll attack first. Okay. Haven't done this in a while. I think I click this one. 13 will hit. Oh, that's close. Okay. And then I'll roll the superiority die, which I think is a d10. But now I have to check. I believe it is. Because I think it went -- I'll do a d10. Who cares? Okay. 6, 8, 10. 2. Okay. So I'm going to add that, and then I'll do damage. That will kill him. Good. Holy shit. So his contribution to the fight is rolling poorly over this rock, walking against wind, swinging at Elena, and then getting stabbed in the chest. Excellent.

Can it be canonical that the mime that he did was incredibly good, and just the world will never know? That is his hidden talent. When I'm not fucking. He's the lead mime. Yeah. Jesus. Champion number two is going to rock on up here to Tatyana. And target Tatyana. And use his greatsword. 28. Okay. But I want to use my uncanny dodge, though. Oh, no, I can't. I used it this round. Because I was first. I don't want to be the guy. But I think champions crit on 19, so I'm not sure. Oh, shit. I don't believe they do, but hold on. Okay. Double check. I didn't know he was going to be able to get to me because he was -- I don't -- no.

Okay, good. They don't? I thought that too. Only the player class champion, I think, does that. Yeah, fighter class. Here's the difference, though. He gets three attacks with his sword. Oh, boy. So here we go. First -- holy shit, 27 damage. Oh, no. Bye. Here's another attack. Here's another attack. 18 will hit. Okay. I'm here for you, Tatyana. 18 damage, one more. Oh, my God. Crit one. Oh, he fumbled. Oh, no. There's a lot of blood getting on while he's hacking. He nicked an artery. Worst luck in Tharia. There's a special table, guys. It's a natural disaster. Oh, my God.

What? There's Goomba created a natural disaster. What? Please, not our fake. Please, not our fake. Well, there's a river. Maybe it's something crazy with water. It's a fucking flood. Man, so okay. Oof, this sucks. He struck my lady. God damn it. All right, here we go. Let's pull up. This is...oh, baby. The dragon turns around and just comes back. All right, you know what? Let's make this sporting. Would someone do me a favor? Because I have to pick a random weather event or natural disaster or something that would make sense. So someone do me a favor. Roll a flat D20 for me, please.

Who's feeling good? I think it's a three. You want to do it, Jamie? Sure. Just go. There we go. Yeah, why not? Well, I don't know what that means, though. That was a three. It was a three. But, you know, threes can be a great number because they look like butts, so... They're butts and they're prime. Exactly. Prime butts. It's a rainbow. Natural disaster. Done. Up the river, a major dam in the area is going to break. Oh, shit. And a devastating... essentially tidal wave is going to rip through this area. Like, I need everyone to do me a favor and roll a Constitution save and you're shooting for an 18.

Okay. Before this, I'm going to... Oh, let me check something. Hold on. Okay. I'm going to... Ah, it's a bonus action. I can't. Never mind. I can only do it during my turn. Shit. Is it a con save? Yeah. Just... Oh. Those are some of the highest rolls I've ever seen. You fucking... Look at you! 18. The pantheon is with us, y'all. Vecna daddy. Save this all. It's Vecna daddy. Vecna daddy. I'm making a B with my arms. Well... Wait, champion one and two off the roll and thug three. Yes, that is true. Oh, okay. Let's see. Oh, I rolled two. My bad. We'll take the first one. Damn it.

And, okay. Here's what's going to happen. Wait, we need one of them. Well... I mean, we'll see what's about to happen. We'll see what happens. So, here's how I'm going to count them. This, luckily, you are near this riverbank here. Now, the good news is that there's plenty of rocks and trees and shit to cling to, which most of you did. Larg and the three remaining bandits are going to just be hit broadside with this tidal wave. Like, it's going to come out of nowhere. You're going to hear rushing water, and it's like, "What?" And then, boom. Like, God punched you in the face.

And it is going to sweep you half a mile downriver. Can we try to grab them as they're being swept? Uh, so, yes. So, okay. Alaina can try and grab Larg, and Braylin can try and grab the champion he's next to. Does that sound fair? Wait, who can I grab? I'm sorry. What about Callie? Uh, I mean, you can try and grab that champion. Yeah, let's do it. Alright. Grab him with your dagger. With my dagger? I was thinking, what if I just did an Entangle spell, but I just had my turn, so I might not have the reaction time for it. Did Callie succeed? I thought she failed.

I succeeded, yeah. Oh, you did? Oh, okay. Yeah, no, no, Callie's fine. So, here's what we're going to do. Let's start with Larg. Alaina, do me a favor. Give me an Athletics check. Athletics check, okay. Holy shit. Got him. Nice. Easy. 26. That will grab Larg. The Larg will not be swept a half mile down river. Thank you. Thank you. Way to go, Alaina. Well, I mean, the good news is, I mean, I'm not going to say anything, but I'm going to say something. Way to go, Alaina. Well, I mean, the good news was, he was never going to drown, so that's good. Callie, do me a favor, Athletics check to grab this Champion.

Okay. Wait, what if Tatiana and I did it together? Go right ahead. You're both adjacent. Oh, I was just saying, maybe she could roll with advantage or whatever. Yeah, you know what? Tatiana, give me an Athletics with advantage. Athletics with advantage? Yeah. I'm assuming your Athletics is better than mine. I mean, not really. Oh, okay. Her Acrobatics is probably better. Yeah, my Acrobatics is like... Oops, I don't know what happened, but it rolled twice, but it didn't show up twice. That's strange. I saw 14. I saw a 14 too. Yeah, I'm counting that 14. Fuck that table.

So that will do it. And finally, Braelon. Give me an Athletics check. You got it, Chief. One second. Athletics... Zero! Ha ha, still got 80. Jesus. Oh my God. So this tidal wave is going to whip through the area, and trees are going to take a beating. Like half of you are going to be entangled in rocks. It's like, oh my God. Like after this is all done, that river is going to be twice its original height, kind of flooding over and just rushing. And poor, poor thug number three is gone. Like just nowhere to be found. You're going to see bits and pieces of armor and shit.

Bye! Bye, Felicia! I love how this one guy's crit missed. Like totally just crit everybody. Yeah. That's so cool. So, you are the after you guys, I imagine, are just absolutely soaked, just kind of like choking, coughing on the ground. It's like, holy shit. Like I did not see that coming. Because while you didn't get swept downstream, like I imagine some of you are just hitting rocks and just like the force of it is nasty. So you're left with two live but unconscious champions, and I think that's a good time for us to stop for the day. Yeah, Colin! Yeah, boy!

Colin, oh, go ahead. I was just going to say, Colin, like does that thing where you like whips your hands down to like get the water. And he looks at Tatiana like grabbing on to this thing, Tatiana and Callie. And he like walks up to her, looks her right in the eye with the utmost sincerity and says, "Seems I'm not alone after all." Aww. Oh, that's so sweet. We're friends again. Murder keeps this group together. Murder and death. Murder and death. Oh, man, you're going to freeze him and he's wet? That's not fun. It'll help though. It'll be like a conduit. Yeah.

I was going to say, Jason, I like to envision that my wind tunnel thing stopped Champion from floating away. Like he was just like getting beat up by the water and the wind and I'm just standing there like, "Huh, oh well." I'm so surprised they didn't run after Colton's... They didn't get the chance, really. Multi-kill. Like, that was one round to come. They didn't even get to the end of one round. Like my plan was for them to assess and go, "I'm out." But they never got the chance. Yeah, we and Lark never even went. No. Damn. Where's that damn? That's going to fuck everything up.

Sorry everybody, south of us. I apologize. That was cool though. That was super cool. We really hope you guys enjoyed today's show. Next week we're going to be taking a week off so that you can catch up and get ready for Theriathon again. Theriathon starts April 25th, Saturday, noon Eastern, and we're going to be going all day. We're gussing up the stream for you guys. We're getting everything ready. We're getting videos ready. If you still want to send us a video, you can. This week, up until Saturday or Sunday, I'm going to have to cut things off so that I have time to edit everything.

But if you want to send us a video of you imitating our opening, or just saying hi to other listeners, telling us why you listen, how long you've listened, all that good stuff, send it to dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's dandrpodcast@gmail.com. And I'll get it and add it to the pile so that I can edit everything together and make it look nice. I really can't wait until Saturday the 25th because we've been building up a few things and there will be some major story moments. So thank you guys. We'll see you... well, we'll see you on April 25th. I hope everybody is staying safe out there.

Stay healthy, and we'll hang out in the stream all day long for Theriathon 2020.