Extermination

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clink] [clink] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else.

Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Arc 3, episode 26 of the DNR Podcast is brought to you by you lovely folks over at patreon.com/dandr. For almost six years now, we've been plugging away over at Patreon, creating tons and tons and tons of content. So when you're all done our main feed, swing on over to patreon.com/dandr to get tons of new stuff to listen to today.

Previously for Group A, making it back to the town of Dernhollow. The group discovered that the Fang were reaching out and already infiltrating the town. After confronting them, they managed to push the members of the gang out into the street, where they started to pursue them into the night. And that's where we pick things up today. Let's do that thing! We'll be going around the table to introduce ourselves. I'm Jason of the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Robert. Hey, I'm Rob. I've just been playing way too much Animal Crossing the last few weeks, and I've come here for support.

I really appreciate all of you. No, wait, this is not that call. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, that's the other call. I'm Rob. I play Skalnarhisk, Dragonborn, Paladin, Rogue. And Kelsey. Well, I can't really match that one up. I'm Kelsey, I play Aster. Aster is an elf, and I shoot arrows. Well, you can't say how many hours you've played Animal Crossing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you both have problems. Oh, oh, 135 plus. There you go. Things are going great. I just got a basement. Can I talk about my, I decorated my room with all the fish stuff? Okay, I'm done. Stop it. Stop it, both of you.

I will break out the hose. Remodel. Susan. Hey, I'm Susan. I've only played a mild amount of Animal Crossing. I don't know why I'm in this call. No. I play Madeline, Ryoin, the Human Cleric. And Michael. Hey, I'm Michael, and I play Amvin, the Half-Elf Wizard. No Animal Crossing retort here, but I do play. And James. I don't belong here. I say that every week. I'm James. I play Masoka, Half-Elf Rogue. Now James knows how Kelsey felt when there were 80s movie references. Oh, wow. It's a shame we ran out of 80s. And last and certainly not least, Xavier. Hey, I'm Xavier, and I play Donovan Vice, Human Fighter Paladin.

And I've been playing Final Fantasy VII Remake, 10 out of 10, Game of the Year. Boom! Call ended. Get home. Go home. Go home. It's over. Look, I have to go now. I heard the 10 out of 10 Game of the Year stuff when Death Stranding came out, so I'll hold judgment. I'll wait. It does look cool, though. I googled the ending and spoiled it for myself. Give yourself time. You'll hate it. I've played one hour. The demo is fantastic. I've only played the demo, yeah. Well, I'll wait until it goes on sale, and I'll probably pick it up, because it does look cool. That's what I'm waiting for, too.

But it's only... I just got Fall in order because of that. I was hoping for the callback where I'd have to buy four discs. Ooh, yeah. You will. Yeah, you might. Because the whole game is just in the city, the first part of the old game. Jesus. Okay. Okay. Speaking... Oh! I can segue this. Speaking of games that are just in the city, today... We're picking up, thank you. Smooth. I do this professionally. Speaking of demos... Speaking of demos, everybody out there who's not on our Patreon gets the first 30 minutes of this episode free. Me? [Laughter] We're gonna pick up where we left off.

I thought we'd get an actual email about... Oh, yeah, I'm waiting to... I was just joking. Um... We're gonna pick up where we left off last time, and we're about to perform a bit of a manhunt. Last time, you guys had a bit of a fight just in the back alley of the Honest Harlot, and all these vampires scattered. They hopped the gate, the fence, and scattered. And then you gave chase. Somewhat. Some of you more elegant than others. Um... Some of you just barreled through windows and over tables and stuff, but you got there. So, I thought a lot about this. Because there's a few things we have to clean up, right?

Obviously, we're gonna get to Maddie. That's a concern. But right now, we got blood pumpin', we got... You're giving chase. You don't want these guys to get away. Because you're dealing with an enemy that the more distance they get from you, and the more time they have to recover, their wounds are gonna close up. They'll be back to fighting shape in, you know, 20 minutes or so, and you guys will be... Well, the same. So, here's what we're gonna do. Instead of putting everybody on the map and having this weird spread out, like, "Well, I can move 30 feet." Let's do this.

I want both teams to roll athletics checks, and we're going to add them up. Oh, boy. So, we're gonna start with group vampire. Is that an official group now? I guess. Group fang, group vampire, group... Yeah. So, we're gonna start with those guys, and they're gonna roll athletics checks. And we're gonna see how much of a head start, if any, they get. If I roll terribly, we just might have a fight in the streets to clean this up. But yeah, we're gonna see... Does that sound fair to everyone, firstly? Yeah, red vampires aren't, like, strong or anything. They'll be fine.

No, they're fine. Super fine. So, there were four vampire spawns left, and Kal-Roz. Now, the cool thing is, that means it's five to six. You guys have a natural advantage. So, here we go. First vampire... Do we have the map? No, not yet. Because I might be using a different map. Okay. We're gonna get you guys out in the street and, like, yeah. First vampire. Boom! Eight. That's nothing. That's a husky one. That's the husky vampire. That's the way... Yeah, he's got a tripney. Yeah. It's not... Let's see... Vampire number two... Oh! 22. Eee. Vampire number three. Shit! Eee! That's a crit.

That's 23. 19 and a 20. Right after each other. One more regular vampire. Holy shit. Well, I just rolled a set, so that's 20. You guys... Again, though. Natural advantage, right? And then Kal-Roz. What's Kal-Roz rocking for? Oh, he's won better. So... Oh, he brought a crit one! So that means, like, Kal-Roz trips and falls and the other ones just leave him, right? That's not the way. That's what it is. He tripped on a rock and fell in some horse manure. Got impaled on his sense of self-importance. That's what it was. Yep. His own tail. His own tail got him. So that's a total of 78.

So. We're gonna go one by one through you guys and add up the athletics checks and... All you have to do is meet 78 or beat it. And you... Don't... There's a crit miss in there! They all have the... To be told, it's just a slightly above average roll for what they have access to. We're actually in a pretty good place. Listen to Rob. Yeah. Because there's a 5 and a 1 mixed with a 17 and a 20, so that basically... Right. Yeah. We're all right. We're all right. In my workout. Let's start with Kelsey. Astor, do me a favor. Give me an athletics check. Should we narrate what sorts of things are athletics checkers?

Should we, like, montage this? I would love that. So you guys hopped this fence. And this is every... This is every procedural cop drama that you've ever seen. It's like, "Oh, they're taking off." You guys are busting through windows and stuff like that. Most of you just hopped the fence and you're on the other side. Astor just rolled an 18. What does Astor do upon landing on the other side of this fence? I can't think of anything super cool other than just, like... I mean, are any of us doing anything else other than just running after them? Superhero landing, first of all.

No, no, no. Thank you. A dodgeball landing. That's the good one. Oh, in motion. Of course, of course. Just without even breaking stride, just spring back up and keep on going. Yep. That's the agility. Donovan. Here we go. Oh, 25! Cool. Donovan was at the end of last episode, was at the top of that wall, of that fence. And he'd look down at, probably back at the group, see them start running towards the wall too. And he'll have eye contact with Maddie and have an expression of guilt and resolve. Kind of going... He'll tell her... He'll tell her, "I'll make this right." And he'll jump and start...

He'll do the superhero landing and he'll start running. Okay. Maddie? Alright, let's see. Oh my god! Plus 22. Okay, so that's 65, guys. Unless... Big powers kicking in. Unless the last three of this trio beef it so hard... I'm thinking I may have to give myself disadvantage, but I'll let you decide. That's... Yeah, I mean, because of your drunkenness, yes. But I mean, still, like... If Misoka falls behind, maybe we just let him sort of think himself out. Yeah. Might be for the best. The great thing about this system that Jason's using is that even if you beef it, you still...

Like every little bit does in fact count. Yeah, of course. Yep. So, Misoka, do me a favor. Give me athletics with disadvantage. Alright. That's still a 12. That's still enough to catch up. Take it. So, you guys are going... So, we're gonna have a fight in the streets. Fuck it. Let's do this. Okay, so... Wait, hold on. Hold on. I want to see if he has a roll. Okay, let's do it. Scoundog, give me an athletics check, please. Okay, yeah. I've been thinking about exactly how this goes if he rolls really well, so hopefully he rolls well. Yes, you didn't... You'd have to round the corner.

So, that's an 18. You're doing great. Okay, so that's well done. So, Scoundog, I've described him as not particularly athletic. Like, he's reluctant to climb walls and stuff because he knows he's just gonna mess it up. But this time, he's rolled pretty good. So, how does someone who's kind of slow like that keep up so well? It's because as he runs by a horse, he goes, "Agent of Aldrin, I need to commandeer this." And then he leaps onto a horse and snaps it in the behind and goes riding off after them. Oh, man. Finally, Anvan. So, the non-rogue of the crew.

Yeah, what's your next move? The non-rogue. Oh! Minus two! That is a crit. And even with a negative two to athletics, that's an 18. So, you guys... Yeah. Are you also on Skalnar's horse? So, Anvan just struggles over the edge because he is coming over there, sees you hop on that horse, and casts... What's it called real quick? Exposition Retreat? I wish I had that. Misty Step. And Misty Step's behind you and gets on there and says, "Thanks for the ride." Perfect. Oh, man. Mark that off. You know what? Let's do this. I was gonna... Here. I was gonna do something a little different, but let's load up a nice city street type of thing.

Let's just do that. It's gonna be great. Okay, so you guys should be getting a map at some point. Yeah. Look at that. Oh, I thought that was fire at first. Those look like some kind of plants or something. These are nice. Like, man, that's a bit early. We'll get there. You're making assumptions. Yeah, we'll get there. It's fine. So, I'm gonna load these guys up on the tracker. Clifford kept up with you guys, but I didn't want to include him in the roles, because I don't want him to show anybody up. How kind. You're a real giver, Massey. I try. I try. I'm assuming Trent stayed put.

Yeah, he just got untied. He's, you know, he's fine. Good. I gotta say, I'm really loving the notebook meme I came up with with Skalnar, just because it works so well on Twitter for little notes jotted down and updates on the scene. I dig it, yeah. It's so fun. Okay. Alright, so here's what we're gonna do. You guys are in a town. The only problem with being in a town in a situation like this is that towns have people. And people in this case could mean hostages. So they're gonna run, you're gonna give chase, you're gonna keep up handling. So they're only gonna have, I'd say a few moments, maybe 20, 30 seconds, something like that, to get their, you know, to look for a way out.

They'd be able to look behind them and see. It's like, well, we're not ditching them. These guys have been training. So they're gonna look around for people, obviously. Now, I'm gonna roll a flat d20. This just represents luck, right? On a 15 through 20, they find people. Anything less than that, and it's just them versus you. Does that sound fair? Mm-hmm. Now, there have been a lot of high rolls tonight. So the table's feeling generous. Let's see what we got. Fourteen! Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh! All right. Everybody do me a favor. Roll initiative. Oh, wow. I have delivered Twitter the perfect Skalnar gif.

It is on. Yep. Accurate. Yep. Hot buzz, man. What a movie. Yeah, I need to watch it again. You know, to be fair, it's actually not as good as I remember it being the first time. Like, the second time through, I was like, "Ooh, a little dark sense of humor here and there that goes a bit too far." Ah. Yeah, I'm curious to rewatch it then. Yeah, my second watch wasn't as good. Okay, I'm looking for my initiative, I swear. [laughter] All right, Donovan. Huh? Yeah! 23 food justice! Did the vampires roll? Is this really how they're... That was... yeah. Wow. All right. Standing in the drunk.

That is a cluster. So I don't know how that's gonna work out, but we'll see. They're all in, like, a big bunch. So either... I don't know. So, let's kick things off with... Boop! Wait. [laughter] Masoka! Now, if I recall, Masoka does not realize that Matty's been bit yet, right? Not yet. That's right. Okay. And he's drunk. And he tends to do crazy things. Oh no. Oh god. You've earned it. Oh cool, maybe they will get a hostage. Well, that went through my mind. Hey, they're gonna get so drunk. Yeah. That's my power right now. Let's see, one, two, three, four... Can't even really get very close.

Umm... Hmm. Hmm. What do I do? I'm finding a disadvantage, right? You're pretty drunk. [sniffing] [clears throat] Okay. You're just about fall down drunk. What do I have in my inventory? What can you do with an oil flask? Oh no. No! Depends on the context, I mean, really. Yeah, I mean, is... are you looking to drink it or throw it? Like... [burps] Pro... Ahh, I don't wanna be... I don't wanna do that. I mean, it sounds like the kind of thing that would take two actions to make really valuable, right? Like oil someone and burn them or something like that. Well, it was more like...

Yes, of course. I have a rope. It was like... It was like a molotov. It was basically that. And then throw it at, uh, Calross. Well, it's kinda like Rob says, like, I feel like you'd make it now and then throw it later. Yeah. Oh, so he's standing next to a house. Well, he's sorta... No, I'm not saying it's a good idea. I can totally see Masoko just there, just like, "Hold on," just like, sorting through his shit in his bag. You know what? That's what he's... I got a thing. He's just like mumbling to himself, rifling through his bag, and that's his turn, I guess.

But if it gets to his next turn, he is gonna have this oil flask out, uh, into a crude... Made into a crude molotov cocktail. Okay. Okay. Hold on. He set you up with something. Hold on. Aster, it's up to you to stop this. It's a she. I'm behind every... Well, I'll ask who's there. They might not notice. They're the only ones there to see. It's true. But we'll... I'll fix you up with something, don't you worry. All right. Skaldar! Okay. I am gonna use my bonus action as cunning action so that I can make the distance between myself and Kalras. So I can't attack with my offhand whip this turn.

What I can do... Yeah, extra attack, however, does not use my bonus action, so I can just jar him two times with my warhammer. I do dismount the horse on the way to doing this. I assume the horse trots off back to its owner bewildered at what's just happened. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. It's like, "What was that?" Yeah. So... Gosh, do I... Oh, wait, I can decide whether I smite when the hit happens, right? That's how paladins work. Yeah, yeah. So I will control left click to target, and then I will attack roll the first with my warhammer. I'm just... Sorry, I have to drag and drop.

Well, that's an 11. That is gonna miss. Okay, second attack. Okay. Much better. 27. Yes. I will burn a spell slot to turn that into a smite. Click-a-roonie. And divine... That's gonna be a level one spell slot because I'm saving the other one. As a swashbuckler, do you get sneak attack if you're alone with your enemy? That's right. I am the only person within five feet of him. So I do. Oh, wait, but... Yes. I'm not using my... It's on the selection. No, no, it's not that. It's that I'm not using my... Oh, right. Okay. Right. I can't sneak attack with a warhammer no matter how badly I want to.

It's not very sneaky. Okay. So I'm gonna go ahead and... It's not very sneaky. It's more of a throttle. Okay. So, all right, we're test driving Xavier's new code for divine smite here. So I click it and then I'm affected. And then I go back up and roll my warhammer damage. I drag it and I throw it. And it is a... Yeah. Oh, yeah, that works. That's how it went. One T two damage. Ow. Got him. Oh, I... Clifford. Clifford's turn. Okay. So, well, Clifford is going to expend his entire turn getting up here. And that'll be Clifford's turn. Getting up here to vampire spawn number three.

Aster, you are up. So what does it look like to me that Vassoka's doing? You'll have to roll and see. What? Yeah, give me perception. Okay. I can see him also turning his back to everybody. Okay, well, that's more suspicious. You know what? That's fair. You know exactly what he's doing. 27. Yeah, it looks exactly like what it looks like. So just... You're okay with that. That's the question. So what is he doing? Let's just... So he's taking out a flask of flammable liquid. So imagine basically like a small bottle of Mad Dog 2020. And he is packing it with a cloth and soaking.

He's like shaking it up, making sure the cloth is all soaked. And he's looking for something to light this up. There's no ambiguity here. It's not... Ticking the pockets. Yeah, he's like, "Oh, I know I got to light a radisome." That's old Vassoka, but you know what I mean. Okay, question. What... I'm just thinking, what Aster might want to do is hold out the hair and give the cloth to me so they can wrap it around Eru and shoot it. But that seems like it might take too much time. It would take a little bit. Yeah. Okay, well. You want to slow it down and just kick him over.

That would slow things down. I mean... Probably crouch down, unbalanced. How close is he to finishing that? Well, okay. If this is... If you're asking turns, it'll be ready on his next turn. If you're asking time, he's about eight or nine seconds away. Okay. That might not be a bad idea, but maybe he shouldn't be the one to throw it. It's kind of a... Ah. So... Hmm. Gosh. I'll let you roll a check to try and persuade him. Yeah, but I'm also... I'm just trying to think, because I was like, maybe if we give it to Dardvang, he'll be running up and he'll dump it over them.

That might be better than throwing it when we have melee people who will be right all over the mix. That's fair. I know. So... Dragonborn are impervious to fire, though, aren't they? Yeah, but between now and your next turn, there's going to be more than a Dragonborn up there. Maybe. Unless you warn them. Okay, yeah. So would it be a Persuasion check to try and get him to give it to Dardvang instead? Yeah. Leave me out of this. So okay, let's do this. What do you think would be... In Masoka's state, what do you think would be a proper... Let's compare it, let's say to...

Let's look at Masoka here. Because I don't want you to just make up a number. That just seems silly. But let's say... I would say a 15. And above to say yes? Well, I would say a 15 or above for Masoka to go, "I'm a bit inebriated." Like, you know you're drunk. Yeah, but I was thinking if Astor was like, "I'm into what you're doing, let me throw it." He'd be like, "Sure." Oh, just flat out? Yeah. But if Astor was like, "I don't like what you're doing," he might try to scamper away. It's more like, "I'm into what you're doing, but yeah, maybe you shouldn't be the one to handle this." That's the gist of it.

Maybe accuracy isn't your strong suit right now. Not at the moment. I think Masoka's been drunk enough in his lifetime to know what he can and can't do. And I think he thinks he has a good idea, but would totally let somebody help. So I don't think it would be a high roll. Okay. My first salvation has no modifier, positive or negative, so it's just... But I'd like to see the roll, because if it fails, then we'll see what happens. Okay, it's 14. That was a four on my table, but okay. Yeah, I saw that too. We'll take the 14. Yeah, we'll take the 14 this time.

For the sake of throwing accuracy. Yeah. Well, I can't wait to see what you do with it. So you're handing it off to Aster. We could wait until his next turn when he's done lighting it, if that makes more sense. Yeah, sure. So here's the thing. Let's just do it on Masoka's next turn, but it'll be with advantage, let's say, because you're... You know what I mean? Or just a regular throw instead. I mean, truth be told, they could probably come up, just grab it out of his hand and keep going, and he'd just be like, "Ooh," looking at his hands. By the time he's about...

Or something used to be. Yeah. Okay, so... And do the slow blink and like... This is going to be... This is going to be a thing. We'll do it in a second. Okay, so Kalras' turn. Huh. No, is that my whole turn? Okay, that's... Oh, did you have a bonus action or something you wanted to do? No, no, no, no. That's cool. That short conversation, I figured, was enough. Yeah, no, that makes sense. I was thinking about movement, but then I decided I'm good where I am, actually, so... Okay. He's... Oh, boy. So he's just going to have to duel it out here with Skel'nor, I guess.

So all right. Scimitar attack. Fwaaaaa. Nineteen. That'll hit. 2d6, 5 damage. Thirteen damage to Skel'nor. And one more. Twenty will hit. Fourteen damage to Skel'nor. This is where things get rough, because we have a cluster of vampires. So, oh, boy. Vampire spawn number three is going to attack Clifford. Uhh, with its claws. Oh, that's going to whiff. That's going to crit. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, that's two 20s in a row. What? Fatal blow. You deal a terrible blow to your target. They instantly drop to zero hit points and must roll a flat d20. On a 16 or higher, they cling to life, but with two failed death saving throws.

On a 15 or lower, their wounds were too great, and they perish. No! Holy shit. I'm glad he learned from all our lessons we gave him. He didn't even get to do anything. He's like, okay, we're fighting. We're chasing him down. Okay, guys. I don't even see him from here. He wandered around the corner, and I guess he's going to get his head torn off. Jesus. Everyone cross your fingers. 13. This vampire is going to absolutely gut Clifford. Completely, like, Clifford is going to run around this corner and just completely be taken off guard. There's some guilt, Mazooka can't live with.

Well, you're... Wow. That is... Jesus. Okay. So... God. That really hurts. And what's even worse is that there's this episode where there's going to be people that are so happy that happened. Yeah, there's... Which really, like, this sucks. This is the way he had to go, though, right? No. No, it's not. Clean and selfless. I disagree, but... Let me just go into a hole. Yeah. I guess he's gone now. We tried our best. The funny thing is, the only person that saw this happen would have been Skullner, if he was looking. Okay, but we're going to turn the corner and see what happens.

Yeah, oh yeah, no. It's going to get dirty. Oh my god, so I imagine this vampire just rakes Clifford's throat wide open. That's the... like, his head is almost torn clean off. Like, it's so quick and dirty and violent that he just didn't have a chance. Vampire spawn number one... let's see... 5, 10, 15... It's going to get down here and target Skullner. Yeesh, okay. 26 will hit. Man. Lot of high rolls tonight. Yeah, I'm kidding. Minimum damage though, 5, and he gets one more. Jesus, 26! 8, and Skullner is grappled. Oh boy. Oh no. Vampire spawn number two! This is going great.

I'm really trying to not justify this. There'd be no reason for them not to jump on Skullner like a pack of wild dogs. Vampire number two is going to move up to Skullner. Oh my god, and target, and with advantage, swing twice. 20 will hit. 7 to Skullner. 17 will miss. Oh my god, thank you. Vampire spawn number four is going to look at this pack and go, "Okay, they got this one well in hand. I'm going to move on now." Good instinct, I like it. Yeah, I just... So, Froth, you got your third character lined up. Hey, this is not over yet. It's not over yet. Too soon, too soon, too soon.

Let's not do that. He's so excited about this. Stop it. I don't want to listen to Clara. We haven't even had the conversation where we find out he's a cop. He can't die until that happens. He was so close to retirement. Alright, this, vampire spawn number four is going to do something else. He is going to run up to the side of this building and climb on top of it and get on the roof. That'll be his turn. Amven. This is tricky. Yeah, that's one way to put it. 'Cause you can't just mollywop 'em with a fucking fireball or a lightning bolt this time. Well... You're right.

I mean, I guess you could. Never say never. Considering my options here, this actually seems the best, so I'm gonna move... Em's gonna walk back here and target both of these lovely gentlemen. And seeing another potential party member potentially getting downed if we don't do something quickly. Quickly enrages his abilities. You see lightning go around him. And he will cast lightning bolt again, but this time at fourth level. Wow. Oh, those saves. Everyone's rolling so high. Yeah. Dang it. Vampire spawn number one is gonna roll a crit, and Kal-Ras is going to roll a 23, so both of them succeed.

I guess it's half damage, right? Mm-hmm. Okay, well... Half damage? Good. Yeah, on a 96. Woohoo! 38 damage, cut in half. Still is a lot of damage. So, this lightning shoots out, they all curl around. Donovan and Skal'narr notice that it almost feels like it, and Mattie notice that it like weaves around them specifically. And only hits, or singes Kal-Ras and the other vampire. But they don't feel a thing. Their hair stands up a little bit. Yeah, static electricity on the hair. Anything else? Unfortunately, that's it. I mean, that's a lot. Donovan? *sigh* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

So I can't reach Skal'narr with my normal speed. Donovan's first instinct would be to run towards him, to try to at least get him out of that grapple, or heal him or something. And as soon as he reaches 6 spaces, that's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 here. That would mean he sees in the alleyway, the corner of his eye, the corpse of Clifford. And I kinda wanna do something that requires a holy symbol, but I don't have a holy symbol. But I'm wondering if, I wanna leave it up to chance, but if in this manhunt, there's a probability that we found our way, that one of these buildings might be correlated to Donovan's faith?

And if I roll like 19 or 20, can we say that one of these buildings is a church of this faith? I'd say with a 19 or 20, yeah. That's a lot of coincidences to line up, but yeah. 19 or 20's fine, let's do it. And I mean, Jesus, the table's been given us 19s and 20s all night, so... let's do it. Okay, that's a 10. So he'll kind of... I mean, he'll be speechless. The only thing I can do, I guess, is get up close with Skal'narr. And kinda just let out a huge guttural scream at them, almost an Ubo scream. And that'll be it, he uses his dash, I guess, to get there.

Mattie? Okay, I have a question. I have this spell called Guardian of Faith, and it says any creature hostile that moves into a space within it, if I cast that near these people, would it automatically do damage? I think they have to move into the space afterward. Okay. I think. That's how I'm hearing it. Guardian of Faith? Isn't it when they start their turn? Any creature hostile that moves to a space within 10 feet of your Guardian. Oh, within 10 feet of it. Yeah. Okay. And does it say if they end it there, something happens? It just says they take 20 radiant damage on a failed save.

See, I hear that as, like, okay, if you cast it on your group back here, if they were to move within 10 feet of that, it's like a big nightlight. Like, it's like, hey, stand back, like that type of thing. But the way it sounds to me is if they, like, you can't just cast it in an area with them, they have to move into it. That's what I was thinking too. That was like the only AoE one that I had, though, so I was like, well, if it's just radiant energy around it at all times, but... That would be just terrible. It'd be pretty amazing, actually. I mean, for them, yeah.

To you. Yeah, great. Okay, then first, Mattie is going to hold a Pearl Holy Symbol, and then this light is going to encompass Skelmar, and it's going to be Shield of Faith, and he's going to have plus two to his AC. Yay. Thank you. No problem. Okay. And then Mattie's going to, with her other hand, shooting out of that hand will be radiant energy, and she's going to cast Guiding Bolt on Kalras at third level. Oh no. So let's see. Oh no. Oh, that's what it is! Mattie, is that two non-Kantrip spells? One's a bonus action. Yeah, but are they both non-Kantrips? Yes.

We went over this. Oh shit, that's right. One has to be a Kantrip, and one has...yeah. Okay, then never mind. Sorry. I thought it was like two healing spells. No, it's only one that's got a level, the other one, like, regardless of your actions, you can only have one that's... Okay. I always forget about that too, and I've been playing fighting for years now. It's a cheeky one. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty. Okay, well then she'll move here. She's ready for it though. That's all she got. Don't you have Sacred Flame though? Oh, okay, no, yeah, Shield is a bonus, never mind.

Yeah. No wait, Shield is a bonus? Yeah. So do you have a Kantrip that does damage? Because you could do that. Um... I guess Sacred Flame. Yeah. Eh, I mean, it does nothing. I mean, it's a free spell, it can cast. Eh, the attack button's not working. And Kalras will succeed. Oh, sorry, I excited that. Well, I'm hitting him anyway. Sorry. Okay. Take that back, sorry. It's okay. Alright, next round. Kalras, by the way, is going to kind of announce here, it's like, "No one else has to die, we could all walk away." Masoka. You ever know PCs never say that? It's always NPCs.

It's always NPCs. But they were the ones to run, so. You had something on fire. I don't. Do I? I mean... Oh, it's Aster now, I guess. Yeah. We could do that. Are we gonna have him throw it with advantage or something? We can. That's the way you guys wouldn't do it. I think that's the way to do it. Honestly, you're assisting, so it would just be, he's gonna huck it. Now, what I would do... Oh, I thought they took it right from his hands, like it's gone. We could do that then. Let's say Aster has it. Yeah. Okay. Then... So the comment "No one else has to die," is that referring to this little spat right here?

I mean, you've killed one of theirs. They've killed one of yours is the way they see it. Okay, then it could take it, well, but he doesn't know one of ours is dead. I mean, I'm picturing Kill Bill levels of blood. Like, we saw the spurt come out from behind that house? Well, not you, but like, Kalraz would be able to see it. Like, he's on that side of it. But I'm thinking like, Masoka, because it's either he goes one way or he goes a different way. So, I'll just assume he doesn't know yet. Okay. You are pretty inebriated. How do I... Can I roll Perception to see if I saw the guy get up on the roof?

Sure. Yeah. Or would I just... I just feel like you'd have to... Yeah, yeah, give me Perception, because he's... So, for those of you at home, this vampire would be climbing up the side of the building on a side you can't see. So, let's say he's standing up and you can see him now. So, that's 24. Did you want that with this vantage? Oh, shit, yeah. So, let's say he's crouching down and you can't see him. 13 is no good. That's not good enough to spot a vampire on a roof when there's a bunch of fighting going on on the ground. Alright, then I guess we just gotta get stupid.

Now it's time to get stupid. If you want to get stupid specifically with vampire spawn number one, that'd be okay with me. That's what I was thinking. Using... He's the one who's grappling with you, right? Yeah. I'm gonna do a cutting action for the dash as well, double my speed. And I'm gonna throw an old dagger at his face. No, I'll throw one. Swing a dagger. Move one up. We're meta-gaming a little. Okay, no, nevermind. Move one back. I mean, that's advantage either way. But I have disadvantage either way. So, it breaks even. It breaks even? You do you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 18 will hit.

Oh, wait a minute. Okay, so would I have the advantage because of the... Not flanking anymore, right? Well, the advantage just counted out your disadvantage. Yeah, it's just a... Yeah, but am I rolling disadvantage on my attack? No. That's what I'm asking. No, no. No, no, no. You break even. Alright, so then I hit him. Yay! I think he's going to do the sneak attack. Yeah, you can sneak. Can I still do the sneak attack? You sure can. Alright. Oh, god. Oh, my god, it's 5d6. 28 damage. Can I have that dagger back or is it stuck in his head now? Well, no, I mean, you didn't throw it.

It would be silly to run up to me. Sure are. It would have been a swing, like right at the side of his head kind of thing, you know? I thought you were so drunk you were going to run up to your five feet away and it's like, "Hah!" If I had just thrown it, it would be in the back of Skalmar. Back. That's fair. Yeah, don't do that. Okay. Though that would be a hilarious way for Skalmar to die. I'm not going to beat that one. Would it? Just to laugh a minute, let me tell you. From this seat right here. Funny because it didn't happen. It's like, "Haha, wouldn't that be hilarious?" Not really.

Yeah. Okay. Speaking of- I just watched The Hateful Eight last night, so I am inspired by that movie right now. Just saying. Are you going to break a historical guitar too? No. I just mean like shooting people in the balls, that kind of thing. Leave Channing Tatum alone. I like that movie much better on the second viewing. Ah. Seeing it in theaters I think was too much. Yeah. Did Masocha see Cliff? I don't think so. He's not looking that way. Yeah, he's focused on- He's like running with one hand over one of his eyes. Oh no. Skalmar! Okay, so Skalmar once again knowing his capacity, he knows that it's pretty fruitless to try to break a grapple given his proficiency in athletics.

So he's going to just try to beat this dude into letting go, right? He's just like, "If he's dead, he can't hold on." That's fair, yeah. So we're going to do- I think with the- we're going to do two attacks with the whip. So we're going to use the whip on the main action and swing twice and hopefully deliver a sneak attack and a divine smite simultaneously. I think that would be fun. I mean, that's what he does, right? That'd be cool. And it will be great if it works. So we're going to be targeted. Whip attack the first. Oh, sorry, hold on. Activate sneak attack.

Place the die down. Okay, so sneak attack. I open it and I click the person. Sneak attack. Oh, but that's the attack roll. It won't matter until I roll damage. Okay. And go. 15 will hit. Oh, it will. Okay, cool. Okay, so sneak attack is activated. So when I do this, a sneak attack should occur. It's still- Whoa, 12 damage. Okay, but I didn't activate. Should I activate the divine smite too? Because that was my intent. Can I, how would I? I guess you'll have to do it manually now. You have to do it manually and I'll add it. Okay, so then I want to tick off another spell slot level one.

And because they're undead, I do 3d8 radiant damage, yes? Yeah. All right. So yeah, this is just a like, hey, let go, right? Like- I'm sending a subtle message. Yeah. Okay, so three more d8s go in. Oh my God. Oh, he's awful red. Okay, well, I get to whip one more time and just not sneak attack. Okay. I have two, okay, what are the two little, I see a little red arrow and a green plus. Oh, the green plus is the AC plus two. Was I supposed to have shield of faith? Yes. Okay. That's right. That's sticking to me. So I whip and I can't sneak attack again, so it won't sneak attack, but let's try to hit. 21 hits.

All right. Come on. Big money. Oh, not quite. Cannot do it, in fact. That is max damage with a whip. Okay. Well, I had hoped that that would kill him and then I could disengage, but that didn't happen. It's about to rain napalm. Oh God. Is that good? No. Where is the rain now? It's up to Aster, really. Oh Jesus. If Masochi still had it, maybe. Yeah, Aster's now staring at this thing in their hand, like what did I sign up for? Aster may have just saved everybody's life. Okay. So, okay. This is what I thought. Okay. Hold on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Sorry, I'm coming back.

I'm having a vision. No. You cast a spell, you can give me that. Oh no, that requires more actions. Okay. I'm just looking at all my options to save my butt because I'm still grappled, unfortunately. I just, I whomped him and he stayed standing, which was not my plan. Bonus action? No, that's a real action. Okay. And I think the answer is I'm out of tools to get out of this engagement. Do you have a cunning action rogue stuff? Yes, but I can't disengage because I'm grappled. Oh. Yeah, that's the problem. That's why I was hoping to kill instead of. Okay. I think the answer is I'm stuck there.

So I stop. Okay. Who has you grappled? Spawn one. Spawn one? Yeah. We just tried to kill, but I just couldn't get it done. Easy shot. Aster. Sorry. Aster's holding this. I picture like a glass bottle, right? Glass bottle, rag stuffed in it, on fire. And it is just full of oil. Now, let me- It's on fire now? Well, that's the intent, right? Well, I know, but I didn't know it was lit yet. I thought that you lit it. That was the thing. It's, okay, stop. Okay. It's a lit bottle. It's on fire. It's ready to go. Now, you could always just set it on the ground and stomp out that fire.

That's fine. But this is a glass bottle full of oil that will break, will immolate, will spread. It will be like napalm. It will stick to things. It will burn stuff. Those leaves you thought were fire on the map? Yeah. That will be fire on the map. It turns out, you see into the future. That was a foreshadowing. So. Okay, what are the buildings around us made out of? You know what they're made of. This is Dern Hollow, baby. Yeah, they're made to burn. Or they didn't learn their lessons. That's not their fault. I got a clear shot for the vampire that's on the roof.

We don't need no water. See, the thing is, if this was in a wealthy town or something, Astrid would probably throw it. But because the people aren't desperate, but they're not super well off either. I don't, I think. Dash move? And tuck it into vampire one's pants. Like it's Fallout. Yeah, no. I think Astrid is gonna like, there's gonna be like a second where they're completely stuck in between actions. We really want to throw it. But then the responsibility that they learned in the second part of their life is gonna win over, especially when it comes to fire and things that are flammable and they are going to stomp it out.

I think it just makes sense. Everyone thanks you. Yeah. Just like, wait, fire. Nope. Not doing that again. I'm gonna say just place it down and dip arrows in it as you're going, but that is too meta. Yeah, it would be great. I was also thinking that, but then Jason said that thing and was like, hmm, yeah, it's probably not gonna fly. Unfortunately. I picture everyone in these houses watching you stomp out that fire and they're like, oh, thank you. Oh, thank God. Somebody arrest that other guy though. I started just a few days ago. It's like thrown into a panic because of being near a big fire.

It's like, yeah, no, it's not. Okay. So is that my turn or can I do anything else? No, go do a thing. I want to help. I haven't done anything. That's it. Control the button. Table, let me target a person. What is it to target? It's control click, right? Control click. Here, let me move you on the map because sometimes that does it. There we go. Yeah. Okay. Got it. Alrighty. Yeah. So do I get advantage? Yeah. Okay, cool. 25 will hit. And I'm earning my sneak attack, which I can do now by pressing a button. That'll kill the vampire. He's not grabbing anymore. Nice. Okay. And then my second attack, I'm probably gonna go for Kalarassa because he's looking pretty beat up.

So might as well make that a bit more beat up. 21 will hit. Oh, you have a plus 11. Yeah. 11 damage. Yeah. I think that's their turn. Well, shit. Kalarassa's turn. Huh? Kalarassa's gonna disengage and start running. Oh my god. No. Again? This is not turning out. Yeah. He's gonna book it down the street. Wow. This is not going how he anticipated it going. Vampire spawn number three is going to... I don't know what that was. He's gonna do that though. He's gonna grow and run away. Yeah, he's gonna look at Misoka. He's gonna become Eartha Kitt. Yeah. Misoka's gonna blow him kisses.

Whoa, wait. What? Maybe there's some other way we could get out of this. Wink. Some other way I could pay my debt to society. Although if Misoka looks that way, he's gonna see dead cliff. Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah, no, his hands are coated in blood. So here we go. Vampire spawn number three is going to nestle himself right in here. And he is going to go ahead and target Misoka. Why would he nestle? That's the question. He was purring. He was purring at you. He's there Misoka. He's there Misoka. Yep, he's drunk. I got it. Swing against Misoka. 19 will hit. Oh my god.

Swing against Misoka. Holy shit, that's a crit. No. Opportunity. In addition to standard critical hit damage to your target, you may take an extra standard action this turn. Wow. What, to rip his spine right out of his body? Oh my god, this is some Mortal Kombat shit. Okay. 13 to Misoka. And he's graveled. Which means he gets a multi attack. Oh my god. Misoka's tough. Okay. So claw. Jesus, stop it. That's another crit. What is happening? What are those rolls? This vampire is going to, in one fell swoop, he's going to rake at Misoka. And just yoke him up by the shirt.

Pick him up and throw him on the ground. And he's going to go in for a bite. I'm going to interpose my shield with my reaction. Okay. To give him disadvantage. Okay, so he has a plus two with disadvantage. Okay, all the math is done I think. Okay, ready? At what point can I use uncanny dodge? Or can I even use uncanny dodge? Oh yeah, you can always use uncanny dodge. Even if you're on the ground? Even if I'm... He's graveled and prone. Can you read the description? Yeah, let's... When an attacker that you see hits you with an attack, you can use your reaction to have the attack's damage against you.

Okay, well that's not gonna... You can do that. That doesn't undo the effects. But the things are still happening. Yes. Gotcha. Do you want to undo... Do you want to take back half of the last one? Sure. Okay, good. Good, good, good. So, let's do that. What was it? That was... Jesus. 13. So seven. Okay, cool, cool, cool. So, let's roll that back. 14 damage. Okay, so! Here we go. Everyone, cross your fingers for a miss. 16 will miss! So he's gonna go in for a bite. That's not gonna happen. That's the end of this vampire's turn. Holy shit! That one's on a killing spree. Careful of that one.

Yeah, oh yeah, he's the one who keeps crit. Oh, he has bloodlust. That's three crits for him. Oh my god. Vampire spawn number two. Gonna target Skal'nar. With advantage. Claws. 15 will miss. One more time, with claws. 19 will miss. Yes. Vampire spawn number four. Okay, I'm gonna try a thing. Here we go. Mattie's shield of faith saved me with that 19. It did. Mega grateful. Yay! I was like, wow, did that miss? And here comes Justin the Pop. Oh boy, okay, so... Vampire spawn off the top of the cage! I'd be lying if I didn't, like... Okay, I'm gonna roll an action. There's a chair hidden up there that needs to be...

(laughter) Ah, Jesus. Vampire spawn number four is going to leap at Donovan. And I'm... okay, here's what I'm gonna do. Let me ask if this sounds fair to everybody. I'm gonna roll an athletics check. And if it's a, let's say... 15 or higher... Then I'm gonna roll double damage. If I hit. If it's lower, then I roll half damage. If it hits. That seems fair. I mean, I hate gambles, but I think that's mathematically favorable. Oh, it's in your favor. Tell me. Just landing on him? Or is he following Fang first or something? He's using claws. He's using his standard, yeah.

That's conditional to him actually hitting the attack, too, right? Yeah. So I'm glad, because you said you'd do the same for the enemies, because Masoka did it so much. I'm happy to actually see it. Yeah, it never happens for me. Go for it. Yeah, I can. All right. So, 15 or higher. That's what we're shooting for. Oh, that's a four. He breaks his neck upon landing. Yeah, he's gonna trip on a shingle. He's gonna hit off on a satellite dish. It's gonna be terrible. So he's gonna jump down. Jeez-o. So that didn't go the way. So let's see if this first attack hits. I wasn't even targeting you, but 18 will not hit, right?

Yeah. Yeah, that'll miss. So, okay. Well, he gets one more. Jesus, man. All that roof climbing, buddy. He's trying too hard. Yeah, he's... There's only one guy who can pull that shit off. And he died already, so... All right. So, I will actually start running up here a little bit to here. Nope. Here. Say, "Donovan, let's end this." And I will cast Haste. Holy shit. Yes! Now I can catch up to Calriss. You gotta go fast. Can you remind me all the little perks this gives me? Absolutely. Until the spell ends, the target's speed is doubled. It gains a +2 to AC. It has advantage on Dexterity saving throws.

And it gains an additional action on each of its turns. That action can be used only to take the attack action, one weapon attack only, dash, disengage, hide, or use an object or action. When the spell ends, the target can't move or take actions until after its next turn as a wave of lethargy sweeps over it. Or them. So, okay. How does that work for the three guys he's gotta run past? He would take opportunity attacks, right? I make it so that two would, but I don't know that I just want to abandon Skaldar and Masoka. That's the thing. Yeah, Skaldar would be absolutely surrounded.

I would say Donovan's not Xavier right now, and he's so hell-bent on killing Calriss at this point. He would put a hand on Skaldar's shoulder and say, "I'm so sorry I brought you into this, but now you have to kill all of them." And he'll grab his shoulder super tight and light's gonna glow out of it. And he's gonna do an innate lay on hands for 15 hit points to Skaldar. Actually, I think I can do it. Let me try that. Something happened. I just selected him? Okay, here we go. I gave up my turn, because it was still on me, so I gave it to Donovan. Oh, thank you.

Here you go, Skaldar. Hey, that worked! Yeah, nice. And his double speed would be 12 squares. It would be 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12! Oh! Just right for Calriss. As Donovan zips away, he hears Skaldar's breath, "No pressure." So he'll just take off and take two opportunity attacks from spawn 3 and 4, because I went diagonal. Yeah, I'd imagine you're good over there. Okay, so let's... Okay, so let's do that. What do we get? A +6. So, I need this d20 and 1! 12 is gonna miss. 25 will hit. That's fine. So, what is that? 2d4+3. Oh, Jesus! 11 damage! That's pretty good.

That's not bad. Did it give you the... I think it didn't select me for this. Oh, yeah, I was just on the table. Okay, fine. You're good. Sweet. So you call it to Calriss. Cool, and he'll use his extra action from the haste to bring down his warpig as he's running, just with a huge running start. Just lean into it and just try to plant it into Calriss's back as it starts glowing up with my last use of Divine Smite. Oh boy, here we go! I'm gonna select him. 16 will miss. That's so nasty. That's so nasty. But you closed the gap. I did. Alright, that brings us to Maddie.

What a mess this is! Yeah, so I was so intent on attacking Calriss, I was like "Oh, he's 75 feet away, I can still target him with Guiding Bolt!" and then Misoka got super attacked. So all my plans went out the window. Okay, you're okay. He only got... He didn't hurt. I know, but like... He was almost bitten. Yeah, this is... That's her focus. So, she was focusing on Calriss, then out of the corner of her eye she sees Misoka knocked down and basically someone's trying to bite at his neck so she can be like "Oh no you don't!" And then she's gonna try and cast Guiding Bolt at that one. 27 will hit.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't state this before, but I am casting at third level. Okay. I said that when I was attacking Calriss and that's what I meant to do. Yeah, kill this spawn quickly before he crits again. Okay. 26. What just happened? Hold on. And it's radiant. Oh, that's why it's disabled. Oh no. And then, because... Thank you Xavier, I can cast Cantrips. If you have the actions for it. If you have a... Because that was a standard, so you need to have a Cantripus upon this. Oh yeah, right. I forgot this wasn't a reaction. Okay. Yeah, you're right, you're right.

The other one was a reaction. Never mind. But, do I have any other reactions? Bonus actions. Oh yeah, you're right. Yeah, I don't think you... I've completely forgotten how to do everything. No, okay, I'm good. But that's it. And then, hopefully that did a lot of shit ton. It did. It was a lot. 26. Masoka. Hey. You are being choked. This guy's on top of you. Like you're on the ground. Yeah, you're grappled and prone. Well, I can disagree. No, I can't. You can wriggle. How... What was there saved to get out of that? Yeah, it's athletics or... Athletics or acrobatics, your choice.

Yeah. Can I attack from the ground? Sure. I mean, I already have disadvantage. Yeah, it's not as efficient, but... Well, with... So with Skal'narr there... Would I get my sneak attack? Even if I'm grappled? Yeah, grapple just stops you from moving. Yeah, prone though. But yeah, you're prone. Oh shit, I forgot again. You're drunk. You can't sneak attack. Because you got disadvantage on your attack. Well, but I did the other time because it was... He had advantage to cancel out sneak. Right, but now you're prone. Prone doesn't give you disadvantage. Yeah, it gives you disadvantage on melee.

Pretty much in the worst spot. Yeah, that's... Yeah, you're... Yeah, it's stacking up. But he's still gonna attack. Yeah, go. Yes, please. Because he has to. That's... You can still stab. He's not running. He's got liquid courage. Okay, just a standard attack. So while you're being grappled by this vampire, you're gonna notice his hands are just coated in blood. I'd imagine right now the adrenaline's probably kicking in to another level. And kind of like if you're drunk and you get caught, copped, parents, whatever, and you kind of smell a little bit... You probably see straight for a moment to notice the blood.

Um... I feel like we're right at the edge of pushing that plausible deniability to its limits. Well, I'm not gonna do anything crazy. No, no. Well, I mean... Yeah. But I think there's a fear that hits him suddenly, even though he's got the liquid courage. But he is just gonna try with all his might to push one of these daggers up into this guy's neck. Because he's right there, right? Mm-hmm. He's in the lobby of it. Okay. That's all I'm trying to do. Okay, let's do it. This would be a disadvantage, right? Well, is it that I don't have the sneak attack or that the roll has disadvantage?

No, no, no. You have... Okay. Essentially how this works out is you'd have double disadvantage. Okay, okay. But you can only ever have... Yeah. You just have enough disadvantage to cancel out the advantage. Right. So you have disadvantage. I have disadvantage. Yeah. Gotcha. Let's make this more complex. Let me roll again, and hopefully it hits. Yeah. So that's a 13. That's gonna miss. This is like an alien when Ripley's there and the alien's right at her face and the little tongue... Oh, the little tongue. Yeah. This is... Yeah. And the drool accepted its blood. And the fangs.

And he missed. And that's that. Oh boy. Okay, Skal'nor. You gonna whip something? Okay. So... Kalaros goes again before Donovan goes, yes? Yeah, but that's meta. The order of initiative? If I were paying attention to it, I would know. Yes, yes. Open up your combat tracker. Yeah, yeah. Oh, Jason. Let me check the meta tracker here. Okay, I'm getting a little bit of shades of group two tonight. Like I'm just trying to push back a little. Okay. So... There is a lot of group two here. There he is. So, Skal'nor looks to Mattie and then like gestures with his head at Donovan thinking of you have to take them all on your own and looks at Mattie and gestures to Donovan and goes, what he said?

Skal'nor uses his main action to disengage. Oh my God. One, two, three, four, five, six. Alright, so here's what Skal'nor is gonna do though. Target Kalaros. Bonus action. Compelled duel. So, if Kalaros botches this wisdom save, this is what compelled duel does. (reading) So, concentration up to one minute. So, if I hit with this, he can't go further than 30 feet from me without a wisdom save. And if you don't hit this, he has the option to take off and it's gonna be awfully hard for Donovan to keep going because of the lethargy. Well, isn't the haste still...

It's on for like a minute. Oh, is it? I thought it was like a... Oh, okay. Yeah, a whole minute. As long as something doesn't start throttling the amven and challenging his concentration, it can stay. Fair enough. And I have a portguster. Alright, well, let's see what happens. So, we're gonna try compelled duel, which I would open and click to... Yeah, force the save. Come on, botch that wisdom save Kalaros. 21 succeeds. (grunting) Boy. Anger. Yeah, that hurts. I... Okay, then you know what? Fine. You asked for it. I'm gonna wait till his turn. Kalaros was expecting something sudden.

Layer action. Tommy gun. (laughing) Okay, so yeah, yeah, Skalnar shouts something about the justice Valverin and clearly Kalaros does not feel the need to obey. He's got bigger... He's got a guy with a big pick like swinging at him right now. Yeah, yeah, so... Alright. Okay. Faster. Oh boy. There's a lot happening. Yeah, there's a lot happening. Which... Oh man. Well, luckily I don't think after his turn it's gonna be nearly as complex as all of that business. Thank you. That's why I decided not to do magic use in 5e for your sanity. So yeah, so we're just gonna go with the old shoot arrow.

Do I get a plus two? Oh wait, does this still get a plus two even though Masaoka's like... No. Like that? Okay. Yeah, that's not like he's helping much. Yeah, that's completely fair. I mean, he's distracting Phil. In that he's being tasty. Oof. Thirteen will miss. Hey, we got hot rolls today, guys. It's either... It's attacking like so well. I know you usually hit. It's either crazy high or crazy low. There's nothing in between. Oh, hey Jason, can you clear Grapple on Skalnar? Oh, yeah, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. Attack number two. That's a crit! See? There's nothing in between.

That's a table crit. Go for the eyes. Head explodes, head explodes, head explodes. In addition to standard critical hit damage, your target is blind until the end of its next turn. So this arrow is going to embed itself in, I would say, his right eye. Yes. So I would say the angle of it, you're just going to gouge out his eye and it goes into the bridge of his nose and just a shriek. Yeah, yeah, Jesus. That's pretty dope. I have a question. So what happens if you get vampire blood in your mouth? You get the coronavirus. It's weak. Yes, yes, yes. All right. Okay, so here's the deal.

The target is blinded until the end of its next turn. The target rolls a con save with a DC of 11. On a failure, it loses the eye permanently. Not that this really matters, but I think it's fun. So let's do that. So as for you would probably get your sneak to. Yeah, okay. Jesus, he just, okay, so he's not gonna lose the eye permanently guys. It's okay. Oh, great. He's okay. I don't think he needs the eye to find me though. Well, he could feel you out, I guess, huh? Harder for a bite. Way too much. Yeah, he's gonna he's gonna find that pulse. Whoo! 30 damage. Wow, that made up for that miss, huh?

Yeah. Wow. Anything else? No, no, I think that's it. I mean, I'll move over 50 feet, be a little bit closer, but I mean, Astra's pretty good out here for right now, so. Kal-Ross. I know somebody who's never gonna drink again. Well, this is the best AA meeting ever. Yeah, every time you try to take a drink, you just get the taste of vampire blood in your mind. All right. Major PTSD. All right. All right. Kal-Ross is going to stop running. After this war pick is swung, he is going to turn around and his face is just gonna change. Like, just fuck this. Like, I can't run.

I've tried twice. You're just gonna keep coming. So the only other option is to kill you. It's like a cornered animal, right? Cowardly and shirking and shrinking back until there's nowhere left to go. And it's just, let's go. Gonna target Donovan. And try for two attacks. Claws. Crit. Jesus Christ. Okay. It's just... Something in the air tonight. Now, we're not gonna roll in the crit table. Thankful. Here we go. Eighteen damage. It's all right. And he's graveled. Now he's gonna go in for a fight. Eleven. Okay. You almost fell into my trap. I've been eating garlic all day.

You just pictured Donovan holding his cup up at Kal-Ross. Cheers. Vampire spawn number three. Let's just add another layer of complexity. Is grappling a prone Masoka, but is also blind? Then a train leaves from Brightport going 40 miles per hour. Eleven eight minutes. What? This would be a standard attack? Okay, you get... So. Standard, I think? Yeah, I think so. Disadvantage on attack rolls against attackers with it. So, on top of it, I normally get advantage, but this... So it's just a standard attack because he's still grappling. So, Jesus. Okay. He gets two attacks, but there's an arrow lodged in his face.

And he really wants... He's really feeling it. He needs... So he's gonna try and backhand Masoka. Rude. Huh? Nineteen will hit. So, backhand, eight damage to Masoka. Then he's going to try and bite. Is that the sound Masoka makes? His blood bubbles up into his mouth. I get my uncanny dodge. Okay. So you want to take four hit points of damage instead of eight. What's he gonna do next? Is he gonna bite? He's gonna try and bite. But it's not the damage you gotta worry about for the bite. No, I know. So just... Sure, take the four away. Okay. Okay. Okay. So. Okay. Standard attack.

He could totally beef this. Are we ready? Twenty-five will hit. Thirteen damage to Masoka. Alright. Mask made in heaven. Yeah, I was about to say... Power team vampire. Where are we gonna move to, Matty? I hear Barovia's lovely this time of year. Jesus. Vampire spawn number two is going to run up here to Matty and say, "Hello! I'm vampire spawn number two!" This is my card. Before he attacks, warding flare. Rude! Disadvantage. Okay. Fine. Yes. Fine. So disadvantage. He's gonna swing with these claws and go "Fwah!" and whiff hard. And one more time. "Fwah!" Wait, does he get disadvantage on both?

No, I think he just won. Well, he dropped six, so... Yeah, it doesn't matter. He beefed it hard anyway, and... Jesus. Four... I guess. Matty's gonna glare at him. Yes, you know what? He's gonna run right past Matty and right up here to Amven so you can get an attack of opportunity on him if you want. Yes, please. I will take... Do it. Just... Oh, I rolled it twice, but I got it twice. Yeah, you're fine. It doesn't matter. It was a seventeen and a nineteen. You just hit him harder. Oh, I'm targeting VampireSwanLemie3. Let me stop that. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, okay. That's fine.

You just kind of like... like you catch his ear. Like it's like... Like it really hurt, but like knocked it out. She didn't have her mace really in her hand, so she just like lifts it and it makes him as he runs by. Oh, God. Well, Amven's in melee range. Oh, shoot. Oh, well, I'm like... I would say use my standard thing, but if I do that, Donnie won't be having his ability anymore. That's right. He's right up next to me. Well, how about we just have some fun? I will be... I will target this guy who just spawned up in front of me. I hope and I'd have... Oh, we won't do that.

So I'll do that same thing where I move and come back. Oh, because it's still your turn. That's why Ant's not letting me. Ah, good. There we go. Is this your reaction, I'm guessing? No, it's just going to be a standard action, not a reaction. Well, it's not your turn yet. Oh, I thought it was. Never mind. Never mind. I ain't going to do anything. I'm just going to sit here. I was like, wait, how much power do you have? Wouldn't you like to know? Well, then we'll see. And I might do a reaction, but we'll see. Okay. So this vampire is going to streak right past Maddie because Maddie's a little more intimidated.

No offense. And he's going to he's going to just like lunge at... Oh, God, lunge at him. And here we go. Claus. Oh, my God. What? Here it is. That is a crit. Sweet baby, Evan. Can someone do the stats on this? Can I get a Steve, can I get an infographic on what the odds are of all this shit happening? Oh, they are very, very high. Baby. Oh, geez. War cry. All allies that can see that vampire spawn gain inspiration. What? How does that even work? There's one that's blind. That's fair. You know what? You're right. Vampire spawn number three does not get it. He's just going to say, that sounded really inspiring, but I didn't see it.

Oh, Jesus. Let's do crit damage to Amven. Oh, no. Ten damage. But he did succeed on his concentration save. That took half his... So he's also grappled. He's going to... Oh, my goodness gracious. You guys should have just let him go. I mean, I regret many things. Jesus. Okay. Here we go. Claus again. Hmm. Twenty-two. Do you want to do a reaction? It's not going to help me. I was going to say, I don't think shield keep would help. Fourteen plus what? Two? Ten damage. And you succeeded on the concentration save. You are down to what? Three hit points? Three hit points, baby.

Who lives? Oh, my God. Amven. You're grappled. I'm going to grab one of those Hawkeye three arrow shots that just take them all out. You can do that, right? Aster's just been holding back all this time. Yeah. I wish. Fire's not looking so bad right now, is it? Yeah, dude. I burn it down. I feel like that would make all of this worse. Like, I feel like everyone else is on fire. I'm like, that's all. People on both sides running around on fire. Yeah. Holy shit. This is crazy. OK, Amven. What are your thoughts? Because within seconds. Wow. Yeah, that's that's one way to put it.

See. I do that. Sorry, this takes a minute because this is not what I was planning for. No, no, I get that everything kind of changed dramatically. That inspiration is going to be a nightmare. So how's everyone else doing? What's how you feeling? I just remembered I'm sad about Clifford. There's so much to deal with. We still got to our problems right now. Oh, I'm a distraction from real life. I'm really, really sad about Clifford. I'm trying not to. I am too. I'm going to be sad when I see all the gloating. Yeah, that's going to that's going to bum me right out.

It's like really naked. Clifford lived a dangerous life. Yeah. There's chances. There's chances that there's going to be a soaker. He's practically a vampire. I mean, at this point, Skelnor and Astor, you want to get bit too? Like, cover. Team vampire. Just resign to it. OK. I mean, it's not fair for the others. It's just all me. Someone's got to keep watch over you all during the day. That's fair. There's like a whole separate fight going on on the opposite end of this alley. That like, I don't know how that's going to go. God. So, Amphan is in this, this crossroads, right?

In his head right now, just to give everyone kind of this view. If anyone were to like, were to be, I guess Astor would be able to see his face, kinda. He's torn between letting his team succeed and him dying. Oh, no. So self-preservation. He already told Astor he was afraid, but he was already wanting this to be his chance to succeed for everyone. You gonna go neutron bomb on yourself or like? Kinda. Alright. Let's see, how many spaces is this? No, I don't want to do that. Shoot. With all these like buildings and everything as well. There's like, there's not, what do they want?

It's not going to be helpful. It'll just hurt someone else. Alright, so. In an attempt to give everyone the last round to complete what it takes. He's going to get this sudden courage clarity. To hold the hands of this guy that's got him grappled. Cause he's grappled, right? Or is he, yeah, he's grappled. So even if he wasn't visible, wouldn't have mattered. I think. He's just going to smile, dig his own fingers into his, and eyes are going to go lightning. His fingers are going to start sparking and cast shocking grasp on him. Good. Alright. Oh, 26 will hit.

I would like to think you'd hit. Like, it'd be hard to miss. Oh no, it went wide. With that, he's just thinking, you know, hopefully buying enough people time. You know, I'm going to try to take you out, even if I go out eventually. And... Five. Five. Wow, 2d8 lightning seemed cooler in my head, but alright. Please do. I'll help you if I can. But it should be noted that, I don't know if it happened to him or not. I guess he's not wearing metal, is he? It'd be more like a leather rogue, thuggish situation. Oh, actually, and if it hits, the tiger takes damage, and it can't take reactions until the start of its next turn.

Yeah, that's why you take shocking grasp. I knew there was another thing to that. Okay, sweet. Anything else? I wish I could run away, but I cannot. Oh, yeah, that is a... That is a detriment. Um, Donovan. Let's look in on our other fight. Camera two. Meanwhile, and we're in an alleyway, and you're grappled. Man, they love... They're huggers, the vampires. Yeah. Okay. Gotta keep warm. So as soon as Calrus attempts to bite him, he turned around and stuff, Donovan will rear his Warping again, just say, "Good, no more running." And he'll just wail, wail, wail, wail, wail at him.

Yeah, just hit him. Hit him hard with hit him stuff. Here's my hit him button. Yeah. Oh, jeez. Twelve. Okay, well that's my first of two attacks. Yeah, he's too close now. That's the problem. Too close. Move back. Twenty-three. Hey, that's better. Hey, man. I would like to do like the Skal'Narr way of using my Goating Attack and my Defiance Might ability as I hit. Please. Attack him. I mean, he's already attacking you. But I get you. Yeah, but that was the no more running. Yes, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, let's do it. If I open this, I will cast. Let's see if he saves first.

Nine. He will not save. He's in it to win it. Alright. So I'll give myself some damage. As so. And for the Defiance Might, as so. Oh boy. Whew. Okay. Let's roll for damage. Ooh, thirty-one. Ooh. Whew. Thirty-one damage. Okay. I'm gonna use the extra attack from Haste to do a single attack then. Okay. Oh, man. Oh, no. Eleven. It's high or low? High or low? Sorry, my friends. I'll stay here. Oh, baby. Okay. Uh, Maddie. Wait. Hold on. Bonus action. I'm gonna use my second wind to heal up a bit. Nice. Okay. Second wind right here. Boop. Twelve. There we go. Alright. Nice. Okay. Maddie. Your turn.

So, everything is looking pretty bleak on this end of the alley or wherever we're at. Um, so I would love to say no more running, but that's exactly what Maddie's gonna make happen or try. 'Cause she has one more channel to divinity and she's going to turn on dead. And after our last episode, someone suggested what my undead prayer should be, so I'm gonna use that. Kin. Kin. In the Discord. So, she's gonna raise her holy symbol and say, "Buy a monitor's light on dead. Be gone from my sight." And cast this on these three near her and try to turn on dead.

So, vampire number four, the one grappling and fixing the succeed. Oh no. Oh my god. Of course. The other two are gonna fail though. This is tight. And they're gonna be turned. They want to do everything in their power to get away from me. Alright. Alright. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh boy, this fight. Okay, fine. Okay. Let's do that then. Uh, is that- is that all? Uh, yes. Okay. Masoka. Still grappled. Ooh. Where was he bit? The neck, I imagine. Yeah, just like right in. Standard. Well, he's gonna scream. Oh. He's gonna scream real loud. Like it was the word of the day. The word of the day is- *imitates a loud scream* It sure is.

Did someone say crap? And he gives slime because he says it. That Pee Wee Herman deep cut, wow. Everyone out there, Pee Wee Herman was a children's entertainer from the 80s that uh- Until he was blood and mastic. Anyway. Look! That's what the theater was for! It's not his fault. #FreePeeWee. Um, let's go. Uh, wait. He's still in prison. To this day. It's uh, really messed up. No, you don't like it. Ah. We can all talk about that. He does a lot of voice work. He's good. He's good. Paul Rubins is fine. He's great. He was great in blow. So still grappled, still prone. And we wish Pee Wee all the best.

We did. Big part of my job. Go Pee Wee. Me too. Masturbate wherever you want. No. Stop. Stop. That may have been too far. Okay. Sorry. I'm not even gonna keep that going. It's just gonna get really bad. If you would like to unsubscribe from Pee Wee Herman facts, press 2. Well before you do that, that truck driver gave me nightmares. Okay, let's go ahead. A large marge. Yeah. Me too. Okay. What can I do? I guess the same thing I did before. Or does he just give up? I don't know. I mean, of the thousand things running through his head right now is like... I'm gonna turn into a vampire.

Maybe. Maddie's gonna hate me. Maddie's gonna want to kill me. Well! She doesn't know! I know! I know. We don't know. Not much for the undead. You know what? He'll fight till his last breath. Good. So let's try to push this dagger deeper if it even is in this vampire. Grab that arrow sticking out of his face. Yeah. Grab it and just push harder. Okay, we'll attack the vampire. Let's do it. Spit some blood at him. He'd probably like that. And then... Alright, let's see. Seventeen will hit. But I have to roll again because I didn't do disadvantage. Oh, shit. Twenty-three? We're still hitting!

Yay! Seventeen will hit. Alright, we're still hitting. Yay. We've got no sneak attack. We've got just some damage. Eight damage. Partially resistant. Yeah, I mean, they are vampires. Yeah, it's fine. He must just be laughing at me right now. No! He's going "Ugh!" and he's gonna run in a second. Wait, doesn't it break? And he wasn't turned. No, it was the one that was grappling Amven that wasn't turned. Yeah. That one's still fine. I thought it was number three. Number four saved. Ah, okay. Uh-oh. That's a whole other can of worms. That's fight number three. We're gonna check in with fight number three in a moment.

Alright. Sjolnar, come and save us all. You scatter stuff between two fights. If you so choose. Alright. Go into one of the houses and steal their food. Okay, so. Sjolnar. Okay, so Sjolnar's mindset, like, he's going over here. His compelled duel didn't work. He sees Donovan just like ripping into this dude. He looks back. He sees these three, like, knuckleheads ripping into the party. And he has this brief moment of like, look back, look forward, look back, look forward. And then he just goes "Dah!" and like turns and goes to return to the party. So, he wants to be...

I think the closest thing he sees that he can fix is saving Mistoka. So he's gonna try to do that. That makes absolute sense. Yeah, yeah. He's like, "Eh, probably Amven's probably worse off, but one crisis at a time and closest crisis first." So, we're gonna aim. We're gonna, it's gonna be the whole nine yards. It's gonna be all three attacks. The two Warhammers and a whip. Got it. We're gonna... I'm gonna save the Divine Smite. Well, I get to decide after I hit, but I think I'm not gonna Divine Smite on the first attack. We'll see what happens here. Got it.

Alright. Warhammer swing the first goes like so. 15 will hit. 15 will hit. Alright. Warhammer damage the first. Seven. Seven. Seven, partially resisted. Okay. Whip does it. Oh, he's dead? No, getting struck would break the turn, doesn't it? Mistoka already did that. Yeah. Well, yeah, for the, okay, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's one of them. Nevermind. I acted like that was a revelation. It's not coming. There's a lot going on in these fights and I'm just trying to keep up. Okay. You're doing great. Thanks. Second attack is the whip with the sneak attack. No, wait, I can't sneak attack.

Fudge. Okay, well, I missed anyway. Okay, well, that's gonna miss. Okay, so how do I turn that effect off? I could take it off of you? Can I, if I click it again, it just, it stacks, right? I don't wanna do that. Yeah, I think Jason has to think though. So, boom, I took it off. Okay, I need to only do that if I'm rolling damage, because then I know I've hit. Okay. Yes. Okay, I didn't want divine smite, but we're gonna divine smite for the third hit if we hit with it. So let's try that again. Does he have disadvantage for grappling? Like is he like by being tangled up with Mistoka?

I don't think so. Like, okay, theoretically, that makes sense, right? Yeah. But mechanically, it doesn't. Okay, okay, that's fine. Okay. I will swing with a war hammer. Here we go. 21. Okay, I'm smiting. So, yeah, 'cause we gotta finish the job on this guy. Yeah, kill him, dude, kill him. It's a bad life. Okay, so we're gonna amp up the damage with level one divine smite. I have activated that, and then we're gonna throw the war hammer die. Ooh, that'll kill the vampire. Yes. Vampire spawn number three, the killer, the thriller is officially dead. And then Skalnar like stretches out with a weapon to either side, like throws his arms wide, chest wide, and like does the Godzilla shriek.

Yes. Laser shoots out. Yes. It breathes nuclear fire into the Skalnar. Yeah, Skalnar is actually radioactive. Everyone roll for cancer. Let's just... Oh, man. Anything else? No, that's all I got. Okay. Astrid. What do we even do now? Solve it. Is there anything I can do to get the guy off of the... I mean, Amven? Kill him. Okay, yeah. You can set him on fire. I don't have fire anymore. So... Basically I'm engaged with him because I did my attack. Yeah? Okay, yeah. I mean, I don't have anything that I could do other than... You get a plus two? I'm sorry, Amven. Oh my God. Hold on.

I actually think I probably need a backup. Actually, just blind him. Just do that again. Yeah. That's really reliable. Okay. Yeah. I'm just gonna... Put that plus two on there. 27 will hit. Okay. Get a sneak attack. 14 damage. Okay. And yeah, another one. Oh, 28 will hit. 11. 11. I like to think, because you're only like 10 feet away, I like to think, "Get off my friend!" Yeah. Like just... The other guy's just like, "Stop!" He's just holding Amven. "Stop!" He has a shield! Oh. Wizards, I want that as a mechanic. Get on it. Anything else? Yeah, that's really all that I can do.

That's... Cool. Let's check in with fight number two on the other side of the alley. It's Kalras versus Donovan. It's been a real back and forth here today. So, okay. Donovan's still gravel. Yeah. Kalras is going to try and take a swipe at him with his scimitar? Yeah. I don't know what else. Okay, here we go. 12's going to miss. I'm going to use my riposte. Oh. And I'll nudge my pig right under his arm as he swings and misses. That's... Hold on. I used one goading today, right? No, two. I think it was one. I think it's just one. Cool. I only got the one left superiority.

The one superiority left. Okay. So that's the one. If I hit... Woo! Hey! Oh, 28. 28. All right. So we'll add that superiority damage. Swing! 12 damage! Oh, so you're just going to gouge him in the ribs somewhere in that area? Maybe? Oh, sorry. I didn't know that was a question. Yeah, sorry. I approve. I concur. All right. Okay. He's got one more attack. Fuck it. He's going to try and bite Donovan. He needs to heal, and he needs to finish this off. He is done. 22 will hit. Oh my god. Just hit. 16 damage to Donovan. Oh my goodness. Donovan has a good pun score, right? Yeah, so, I'm going to add Donovan to the list.

Oh yeah, this fight doesn't matter. All right, like, man. Okay. So, Kalarassa's going to heal. Donovan's going to be bitten. This is... Vampire spawn number two has to get away from Medi. Yes. Now, okay. I'm always a little confused about turn on dit, so they're trying to get away from you, but that doesn't mean they're completely worthless, right? They're just trying to get away from you. The only things they could do is dash and dodge. Okay, so they're completely worthless. Okay. So, let's... You know what? They're going to join fight number two on the other side of the alley.

Uh, because that's away from you. All right. Yeah, they can't, like, fight, though. They're just, like, running past. Yeah, they want to move as far away from me as they can. They can't willingly move into a space within 30 feet of me. Okay, so... okay. Oh, and they can't take reactions. Okay. How long is that left? Uh, 10 turns. Jesus Christ. Okay! [laughter] Oh, you know what I should have done? I should have used their inspiration on the save. Damn it. Okay. Oh, well. Too late. It's 10 turns over until struck, right? Yes. Yeah. So, also, I was looking at... Did he go past me?

Can I swing at him? Yes. Do I... Susan, is it okay if I swing at him? [laughter] But then he's going to stay. Yeah, you know what? Maybe I see him run by and I'm like, "I gotta help this other guy over here." And then I gotta... so, okay, I don't swing. And I don't think it'd be too meta, because you've probably dealt with a lot of clerics who make things run away from them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I think he's focused on, like, "Hey, this is actually a blessing that this guy's running." Right. Oh, boy. Um, that... okay, that brings up... Did you read the mistake I had in the chat?

I did, I'm sorry. I was like, "No!" I just had the same thing. It's like, "Why didn't they use their inspiration on the save?" Anyway, whatever. It doesn't matter, you know? Oh, well. You win some, you lose some. It's fine. You know, there's a lot of layers. It's like an ogre, this fight. It's more heroic this way. So, this vampire is going to... Fuckin'... shit. Uh, I guess? Claw? Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna claw at infant. Here we go. Ready? Hup! Miss! Oh my god! He's gonna use his inspiration! Aw. Miss! Oh my god. He gets one more attack! Hit! Would shield work with that infant?

I'm checking. I don't think so, but I'm checking. Never know. Oh! Oh, oh. 18? Oh, yes. I get a plus 5 to my AC. Which is 14, so 19. So that doesn't hit! And you're not dead! Huzzah! Or unconscious, you wouldn't have been dead. So Haze is still up, then? Yes. Haze is still up. That was cleared off Donovan on the automatic. Oh! Well... Yeah? Okay. Yeah. Because the math of the AC is built in. Can you just give it to me again, Edward? Yeah, just give it to me. Please? I need my hit. I need my fix. More layers! More layers! There's a new street drug that really makes people fly.

It's called Haze. It's a good drug name. It's a drug that's been in one drink. Okay. So that means... It is Donovan's turn. Yeah, yeah. No! It's Ammit's turn! Ammit's turn! Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I'm an asshole. Sorry. Okay. So... I'm gonna do what I should have done last turn. And it's only by a saving grace that I'm alive. Because I expected to be dead right now. Okay. I'm going to... Ooh, actually... I'm gonna have this lightning shock hit me and I'm like, "Oh, that's right! I forgot that spell!" And I'm gonna look at the guy, smile at him, and not hit Donovan. And keep this guy selected.

And I'm gonna do another shock and grasps. And have this guy thinking that that's all I'm gonna do. Oh. That's gonna miss. Well, that sucks. But that's okay. 'Cause I'm going to cast Misty Step like I should have done. Yay! Do you have disadvantage on that? No, Shock and Grasps gives me advantage. It says you rolled it with disadvantage? You dropped an 11. For... no. No? The thing that happened was disadvantage. Yeah! Right, 'cause I was grappled? I don't know. I think 'cause you were grappled. I think I was only advantage if he's wearing metal. That's right. So yeah.

So he does have disadvantage. Yep. Then I'm gonna cast Misty Step and go 30 feet away. So you're not grappled. Let's take that one. So I'm not. Yeah. [mumbling] Oh, actually. There we go. Okay, for everybody at home. Anvin has now disappeared and reappeared in the middle of the two fights. Basically. So you're right next to Skal'nor. That's fantastic. Okay. Anything else? No, except for thinking a god he doesn't know yet. Oh my god, Donovan. Seeing that Kal'Ras is getting used to his fighting style a bit, he's gonna mix it up. He's gonna use his first attack to try to make him fall to the ground.

Gonna use a shot of action to trip him. So it's gonna be my athletics against his athletics or acrobatics, whichever is higher for him. Probably acrobatics. Oh, I was on a 20 for a while. I was 17. Okay. So athletics. Or I'm sorry, acrobatics. Where is it? Eh. Okay. 14, he's gonna fail. Sweet. Okay. Gonna use my second attack on him with advantage then. Okay. So he's on the ground. 27 will hit. Alright, just normal damage. Nine damage. And I'm gonna use my haste attack to attack him with advantage again. Oh boy, I'll never hit the amount he healed up again. 25 will hit.

Seven. Seven damage. Ah, man. That's it. That's it for me. Maddie. I wasn't ready. No. No one is. None of us are. Gravely wounded friend or bad guy and everyone else is hurt except for her really. Fuck it, she's already been bit. Oh, we ventured the fuck it Maddie stage. So as she's running up, she's going to cast Guiding Bolt at third level again. Oh boy. On him. I gotta expand it. One second. Okay. Okay, vampire spawn number four is gonna get hit. Well, maybe. Oh, 14 is gonna miss. But she will run right up on him. Okay. And that's it. Okay, that'll bring up Misoka. Misoka, would you like to stand up?

Yeah, if he can, he would love to stand up. Yeah, let's stand you up. Is that a move? Half your movement. Half my movement. No, because you can use your rogue stuff to cutting action. Well, okay. Yeah, I still have the cutting action. So if that's half, then I still could have up to nine movement. Doesn't really get me close enough. To Donovan, but I could come after vampire spawn four. He'd probably stand up and look both ways. Probably a tough choice for him, but... I mean, you do have some ranged stuff on you, don't you? Yeah, but I'm better with my other.

Although, okay, that was a disadvantage I'm gonna play now. He has already been bit as well. So it's sort of like... Is it fucking Misoka too? Well, it's fucking... Yeah, but he knows he can get to Matty easier than he can get to Donovan. And would hope that the other ranged attackers can... He's not gonna do much with an arrow, that's the problem. I think production is a good thing. Yeah. So he will come up to vampire spawn four. Okay, sidling on up next to Matty. Okay, he's sidled up. Okay, what are my disadvantage rules here? You get plus two, but disadvantage.

I get plus two, but disadvantage. Yes. Okay, that's the first two. Okay, so I'm gonna go with the other one. Yes. Okay, that's the first time I've done that. And I don't get my sneak attack. No. It's been different every time. I know, I know. Okay. Well, let's try to stab this guy. Vampire spawn four. Nineteen will hit. Awesome. Man, I want my sneak attack so badly right now. Seven damage. Can I do my off-hand attack? Yeah. Doesn't that require bonus action? No. Yeah, it does. Oh, we know. I know, because I got here without my bonus action. Right? It only took me three moves.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you're good. Yeah. Right, so that's just a standard attack, right? Or am I at disadvantage with that too? Every, everything's at disadvantage, so. But you get a plus two! I do? Isn't that kind of a modifier? Because Mattie's there. Mattie's there. Okay. I'm not gonna argue. Twenty will hit. Eight damage. Okay. Let's do that again. Alright, Skal'narr! Now what? Yeah, right? Like, you know what? I feel like this fight back here is a 3v1. That's in our favor, whereas this fight up here is a 2v1 in their favor. So, Skal'narr exasperated and turns his attention to the other fight again.

Oh, man. It's just, he's just been trucking back and forth, it's like a commute between the two fights. He is gonna, he will end up using his bonus action dash cunning action thing to get here and flank this guy. So flanking gives me... That's the guy that's running. Oh, that's right, that's right, that's right. Hey, just hit him. No, no, no, no, that's right, that's right. Or not. He has a smug face, does that help? We know that that's happening. So we've established that Skal'narr is aware of that occurrence. Yeah, I mean it's only been like a couple seconds in real time, so...

Yeah, yeah. Skal'narr is not sleepy at 11, 10 p.m. at night. So, no problem. But, so... I would be meta-gaming if I forgot, Jason. You're right. You know what? You're right. Rob's tiredness would be affecting Skal'narr. Okay, so... Now that we're here, it took our bonus action, but we can still do two attacks and turn one into a smite. And by golly, we will, because this is Kal'Ras. And I need to orphan my other player character. So... That's how we're gonna do it. We're gonna swing and get to my attack page and I've targeted him. We're gonna swing with a +2. +2?

Yes. So I'll click the +2. And then I will click Warhammer. And we only worry about the smite if I hit. So we throw it. It's 20. Oh, it hits. I know it hits. I was wondering if somebody hit and then it can't. Sorry, yes. Absolutely hits. That'll hit. Ayy. That'll hit. I was tense about it. Okay. We're burning a second level spell slot. I'm out of spells. I have lay on hands and that's like my soul magical thing that's remaining. Oh boy. Okay. So we are activating a level two divine smite. It's gonna be a pile of radiant damage going down here. Here we go. And then Warhammer.

This could be it. All right. Here we go. That'd be enough to kill Kal'Ras. Oh yeah. Oh, the justice though. The poetry. I imagine that you just cave in the side of his head. Like he is going to drop everything and just hit the ground. Just kind of like gurgling. Yeah. Huh. Uh, Jesus. Aster? Man, well, my original move was gonna be to hit Kal'Ras because I can't from this range, but I guess not anymore. So I burn. Oh man. It was only meant for Rob. Like. Yeah, it's cathartic as the player of Ubo and weirdly conflicting as the player of Max. Max is like, right, perfect.

Yeah. So for those of you who thought there were too many story arcs, I'll let you, listeners, those of you, you're welcome for closing that off. You don't have to talk that one out. And then he comes back as a demon. Ah, no! He's back to attacking this guy, so plus two again. Plus two. Woo! 32! It's a crit. That is a crit, but we're not going to roll on the table. Jesus, 32. Honestly, your modifier is too high. Let's shave that off. No, no, I'm good. I have to say, modifiers in Soka does. 13 is too much. Okay. I get sneak attack damage. What was the chromatic orb?

What's happening here? Yeah, I don't know what's going on there. I didn't even think it was actually hitting it. I'm using my trackpad to hover over the items. Oh, got it. Jesus, 24 damage. And then attack. Two. 28 will hit. Six damage. Flamp. By the way, listeners, every time we say the damage, it might be lower than that. It's usually half, because it's partially resistant. It might have been half the whole time, you guys. Anything that isn't magical, whatever. Behind the scenes, you guys. That's why they're not dead. Yeah, they're undead. We are dead. We're about to make them re-dead.

Vampire spawn number two is just gonna run, I guess, whatever. He's a useless garbage man. He's following orders. He's good. Good job. Keep it up. You know what? I'm just gonna remove him from combat. He's just gonna run into the town. I mean, do we want to let vampires run off in this town? Yeah, plus do we want to leave a witness to go rat back to the bank accountants? What I'm thinking is that Donovan will use his reaction to... Yeah. ...try to hit him. Oh, really? I'm... Oh, really? I swear to my god. Oh, really? Now I'm... I mean, I'm not sure now. So, here's the thing.

Jesus. Oh, god. He's gonna be dip diving, dodging, like... So, you're gonna have disadvantage on the swing. Sure. And he's just gonna keep streaking into town, not to add layers to this garbage. He's naked now? Yeah. He's taken all his clothes off because they were touched by a monitor his life. Something-something Corona-like Corona joke. I totally understand that we wanted to stop this fight from going too long, for sure, but the course of action... But you're talking about four hours is just long enough. Yeah, but the course of action is that Donovan would not let him run away.

Yeah. We might get into it maybe next episode or something, but just... You know what? So, as to not do that, here's what I'll do. I'll just guarantee you a hit right this second. And you could just roll damage right now. But he's gonna get his turn. And he's healthy. Yeah, but we're gonna all be focused on him in a minute. That's true. What's the worst that could happen? What's the worst that could happen? Yeah, I mean... It makes sense in character the way he described it. Yeah, I really don't want him to just leave into the night. Okay. Hit him. With disadvantage?

No. Just hit him. Oh, you said you guaranteed it. Just hit him. Just damage? Just damage. Okay. Seven damage! Okay, so he's going to... He's gonna move right here. And he's gonna swing at... Donovan. Uh, claws? Seventeen will miss. Claws? Drawf. Eleven will miss. Never mind. Completely ineffectual. Still a garbage man. Alright. Alright, baby. Vampire spawn number four. He almost took Amvin out, but didn't. He's got a taste for blood now. I mean, he had that before. But definitely has it now. He did not get his... Oh, there we go. He didn't regen. That was weird. Anyway. He's gonna target Maddie.

Maddie's been a huge pain in the ass. Gonna be honest. Warding. Warding, Claire. Oh, you... you shit. So, he's gonna go, "Argh!" And swing. Disadvantage. That was another Pee Wee Herrmann impression. Didn't mean to. Disadvantage. Claw at Maddie! Fifteen will miss. Huh. Damn. Well, okay. It's hard to feel bad about this after the hot streak of, like, twenties and seventeens at the beginning, right? I know! They're just tired. Yeah. They've killed a child. They've bit a bunch of you. Like, they're running out of gas. So, one more. Here we go. Regular. Swing three. That's a nine.

And a miss. That's gonna miss, baby. And then wrap it up. Try. Try. Question. Is taking a healing potion an action? Bonus action? Free action? What is it? It's an action. Okay, well, screw it. What's the worst that could happen? Come down here. Okay. And beaten and bloodied to basically an inch of his life. He's gonna target spawn number two, 'cause seeing that it was engaged, his friends are gonna take care of the one that nearly killed him. Okay. And he's gonna do what seems to have been working. His eyes are gonna go up. Lightning again. And around and... I'm gonna cast...

Lightning Bolt. That is a success. He's gonna save. Well, nice for him. But it will be my last fourth level. I was about to say, you guys are running out of spell slots. Yes. Oh my god! Oh my god! Jesus! Whoa! Ah, 96. Uh, Jesus. Uh, 34 cut in half. You do the math at home. Ow. The vampire will say. Of the team? Anything else? Yeah, I'm gonna, like... Mmm. I'll just move, like, one over here and kind of look over at Cliff as well. Debating, like, kind of realizing that things are settling in. And that'll be my turn. I haven't seen it yet, I just realized. Mmm! Yep. Donovan!

Uh... Yeah, I'll just... You know what? Kalnarr's there. I'm just gonna drop my shield and try to grab him to keep him in place with one hand. Oh, okay. The one empty hand. So I'm gonna drop my AC 218. And, uh, it's... I guess it's, uh, the same as anything else, like athletics versus your athletics or acromatics. Okay. Oh! Look at that! Well, that's a crit. That's like the 19th crit for the day. It's not even special anymore. There's nothing I can do. [laughter] But let's try it anyway. 'Cause I'm, I'm stuck. Let's do it. Here we go. Fwah! Yeah, 12. [laughter] You tried.

Uh, and then I'll use my extra, um, ace attack on him with the warp pick in the other hand. 27 will hit. Jesus, God. Yeah. Well, I'm gonna do, like, one damage. Eight damage. Cut in half. [laughter] Look at me! Holy God. Maddie! This isn't over yet. No! This is life now. I missed the quarantine. That's how long this has been spoken by. [laughter] Ah. Okay. Can I shift five feet? Or is it just ropes? Uh, any, so, okay, any time you're moving out of the space of its, like, you can move around him, but you can't move away. Okay, cool. There you go. Now you have advantage.

That's all I wanted. I wanted to- Just kill him, Susan. I'm, I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. [laughter] I don't even want to fight anymore. If I stepped away, I could have cast a spell, it would have been radiant, it would have been so much damage, but no. I can't do that. That's fine. But I can attack with advantage. Yeah, wow. And double miss. Oh, no, I didn't. Six damage. Half. [laughter] Um, doo doo doo doo. Uh, is healing word a bonus action? Yeah, I think. Okay, I think so. That's one, it does less than cure wounds, but cure wounds is a regular action. Bonus action, right?

Okay, cool. Kelsey, you sound so far away, I feel like you're just laying back as you're asleep. Sorry. No, you're good. I'm going to expend a fourth level spell slot and cast this on Anven. Yeah. Honestly, that's more dice than he has hit points, but go ahead. [laughter] I don't know if it's worth that spell slot. We'll see. Ouch. Fifteen! It's out of love. I am almost back up to full. Five away. That's amazing. It's that huge hit point pull, that's the problem. Anything else? Nope, that is everything. Round six of combat, Masoka. Am I sober yet? No. It's been like fucking less than a minute.

Yeah, round six means like thirty seconds, thirty-six seconds to the last. Is this eternal torment? Wait, before this comes into play, I accidentally healed Vampire Spawn. Take it away, he doesn't have it. Are you sure that wasn't subconscious for Matty? I can only cast it on one person. Do you want this to go out? [laughter] Okay, hold on, Vampire Spawn number four, let me give it the damage back I guess. Whatever. Do it. And that was supposed to go to Anven. Oh, I think I was targeting both of them. Oh, it was. You did. Alright, sweet. So he's just wounded.

Yeah, he's just wounded. Just, just, okay. Just a flesh wound, don't worry about it. Okay, so. Can't do anything fancy, can't do sneak attack. I can look angry, he's probably crying, he's just a mess. But now, okay, you're swinging just a regular attack. So you get your sneak attack. Do I? Because you're not disadvantaged anymore, right? That's how that works. I think he has to have advantage? We're going back to the first round where he got his sneak attack. Yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, let's do that. As if I hit, though. Who even cares? Let's do it. Whatever speeds this up, yeah.

Yeah, whatever. Well, I'm pretty sure it all makes sense, the rules. I just want a cheeseburger! [laughter] He's got a lot of complaints about this, but he's drunk, he could have moments of clarity. Who knows? Yeah, let's do it. Let's use attack and see what happens. I'll stab him, James. Whatever James does. [laughter] I feel so bad hearing Jason being so miserable right now. No, I'm not miserable. I'm playing it up. I do want a cheeseburger, though. 21 will hit. And I'm not rolling any disadvantage right now, right? Yeah, I don't care. And I get my sneak attack.

Sure, let's do that too. And I'm gonna do it. Kick him in the shin. 31. 31. I love it. That's drunken rage right there, folks. The ghost of Clifford is gonna clap over by that. [laughter] Good one, Masuka! Oh, so he'll never leave us alone, no. Masuka's swapped around, like there's a fly on him. Here's the thing. The first time I see someone gloat about Clifford's death, he's a fuckin' Jedi. That's the first thing I'll do. Please. Please. He has unfinished business in this realm, and he'll never go away. Can he just shrink down to size and he's someone only Masokas sees and he sits on his shoulder?

Sure. Then you can win it crazy first. I'll put him in my armor. Yes. I'll put him in my armor. Yeah. I'm gonna call the Dunwins on this. Scammer! You've got a call. Oh, mercy. Okay. Uh, so... That guy's not running anymore. I mean, I should probably just fight the thing in front of me. That's how that works. Plus two, right? Because I'm... Yes. Plus two. In the mix. Alright, so you're just gonna get all three attacks, no special... Do I... Do I get sneak attack in the plus two situation? Okay, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because I am adjacent to you, you just get it. Yes.

Well, also, I can move around him without provoking, yeah? Yeah, that's true. Totally. Yeah, okay. Now you have an advantage. Yeah, woo! Yay! Hey! Let's do it. Alright. First Warhammer. Here we go. Boom, boom. 27 will hit. Okay, first Warhammer damage. Ten damage! Largely persistent. Whip. Second Warhammer. Let's do second Warhammer first. Wow! Woo! You gotta roll pretty bad to mess with advantage. Thirteen. That'll mess. Okay, whip. Also with advantage. Also... No, I don't trigger sneak attack unless I hit. That's right, that's right. Getting it figured out. Yeah. Twenty will hit.

That'll hit. Alright, so then I scroll down and I trigger sneak attack. And then I scroll up and I roll some damage. Seventeen damage partially resistant. Beautiful. I love it. That's it. That's all I do. Okay, Astor. Do stuff. We're still fighting, huh? We're still fighting. This is life now. Okay, I get advantage now though, right? On this guy? This is fun. Could you imagine how long this fight would be? Oh my god. I'd be a skeleton. I would be a skeleton with a big red beard. That's it. It would still be going on to this day. Yeah, and some say on a cool winter night.

Yeah, let's do advantage. Let's do that. Yes. Okay. Cool. He's thoroughly surrounded. You're gonna sway. Twenty three will hit. Sneak attack. Oh my goodness. Fourteen damage. And I get an attack again. Ooh, nineteen. We're gonna drop that too. Take an eight. Eight damage. Yes. Eight damage. Yeah, that's it. He's so close to dead. Okay. Holy lord. These poor vampires who have fought against adversity. They were outnumbered. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Uh, Jesus. Here we go. I, uh, fuck. Just. Oh, swing against Donovan. Here we go. Ha! That's gonna miss. And ha! That'll hit. Oh. And ten damage.

And grappled. Well, back to you, sir. Just arm wrestling, basically. You son of a bitch. It's like that Russian slapping competition. It's just like that. Ah, Jesus. Okay. Back to fight number one. Uh, vampire spawn number four is gonna swing at Masocha. Just gonna swing at him. Ooh, Matty glares harder. Yeah, 'cause you keep fuckin' flickin' firecrackers in his eyes when he tries to swing at you. He's like, "Hey, uh, stop targeting Matty's target, Masocha. Here we go." Ha! Ten will miss. Did it sure will? But will the second? Yes, it will. Eleven will miss as well.

Oh my god. Amven. Alright. Amven's like, "Huh. They're all still alive." So then he will target spawn number two, pull out his fancy little diamond, see if it hits. It didn't do anything. This happens to every wizard. It's okay. Shake the diamond a little bit. It's not the size of the diamond, you know. No, it's not the clarity. You've had a hard night. You just got healed. You're not feeling yourself. There's a lot of pressure. It's because I'm just trying to fix Chromatic Ordin from all the stuff from before, and I removed casts, and I was trying to agree at it.

You know what? Screw it. Ice knife. Fine. I don't want to be a pivot right now. Have you been drinking? Do you have whiskey diamond? This is about the one worth fifty gold. I'll figure it out later. What the hell just happened? That turns that thing down a little bit. Yeah! Okay, hold on a second. What just happened? Two different dice colors rolled. There was an attack part, which he crit on, and the vampire had to do a save. I think it explodes if you hit, so I think the save is where he explodes. Oh, okay. Well, guess what? We're going for the eyes, in addition to standard critical hit damage.

Your target is blinded. Fuck it. You saw what Astar did, and you're like, "I'm going to do that too." Yeah, I can do that. What's he got a red con save? Hold on a second. Let's see if he's permanently blind. Oh, no, he lost that eye. So an ice knife just lands on his eye and then explodes. Jesus. Yeah, exactly. So I imagine he's like, "Alright, this diamond's not working. I'll figure it out later." Opens up his little jar of water and taps his fingers on it and has the droplets. It forms it into an ice crystal and shoots it towards on basically a lightning-esque wind.

Then jams him right in the eye, and he's like, "Oh, that's what Astar did." It explodes right in front of Skal'Nar and Donovan, which also amazingly, they just seem to blow out of the way, and they only get a slight little cold breeze to cool them down. And his face is all swollen and red and hurt. Okay. So I don't think I did the damage hit. No, that's true. I really did the description, but... I'm tired too. What is it? Is it just a 40/12? It'll automatically do crit damage. Okay. But it should. Yeah. I'll hit 1d12. Wow. What? He lost an eye. Two what? Well, that wasn't his favorite eye, as you didn't know.

He was looking for optional surgery to get rid of that eye. You've avid your crit. Two. I thought crits was supposed to be max, but okay. No, no, no. That's fourth edition. You just get an extra die. Oh. This feels like a fourth edition, but it's not. Hey guys. Okay. I was confused. Two damage. That should have been so much better. Oh well. It really should have. I'm so sorry. I mean, two was enough for the eye, I guess. Actually. Yeah. I mean, if we're counting surface area, I guess. Donovan? Okay. So he's, well, he's grappled anyway, so he's gonna like stop grappling the other one and use Amven's distraction to grab a short sword on himself in his off hand.

And he'll just use every possible action he has to attack. Yeah. Just hit him, hit him, hit him. Yeah. So everything with advantage. Two arctic attacks. Whoo. That's a boom. Nine damage. Let me put the advantage again. Second warping attack. 23 will hit. Okay. This much. Oh my God. Nine damage. Then offhand short sword attack. With advantage. There we go. 25 will hit. That's going to be just a D6. I don't have it set up, so I'm just going to roll a D6. Oh, max. Six damage. Then I'm going to use the haste action to do a warping attack. With advantage. Give me a crit, please.

No. And I'm going to hit this much. It's 11 damage. Okay. Oh my God. All of that was partially resistant. Oh. Ah, Jesus, Maddie. Okay. Swing with advantage. With a mace on his stupid head that she's been glaring at. 26 will hit. Okay. Six damage. Partially resistant. My session has been partially resistant. Ask your doctor if half damage is right for you. And then not casting this on the vampire spawn. Healing word. Fourth level. Mazoga just heals everywhere. Everybody just heals. When I let the fourth level sow this. 12. Oh, a lot of ones in there. Ones and twos. I'm green again.

That's true though. And that's it. Oh my goodness. Guys, welcome to round seven. Just kill him. Just knock him off the map. Some of those effects are going to wear off soon. That's insane. Here's the thing. Now I'm stubborn. It's like, no, no, no. You guys die. You just want a magic weapon. Mazoga. All right. Well, at least I know I get to do the same attack that I did last time. Yeah. Because nothing's changed. No. You want me to do it now? It's your turn. You know what? Let's just hang out guys. Yeah, James, give it a minute. Yeah. It's only like 1 AM. Yeah, it's like 1 AM.

Whatever. It's Saturday. Where you guys got to go? It's quarantine. Round seven after dark. Oh no. 15 will miss. Oh shit. I like how you're going to... But you have... But no. You're still drunk. There's so much against me right now. It's only been 40 seconds. Off hand. Yeah. 15 will miss. He just stabbed himself in each shoulder. Kal-Gor? Oh man. I'd attack, but I really need to heal myself. So it's... No, I'm teasing. I'm going to hit him. Okay. Yeah. So I have advantage. And on... Okay. Oh, Mattie's telling me that I lost Shield of Faith. Yep. I've taken care of it. Don't worry.

Good. I didn't want it anyway. No. It helped you the one time you needed it. It did. It matters. Boy, did it save my skin. All right. First war hammer with advantage. Holy shit. That's a whiff. Second war hammer with advantage. That's a bit. 26 will hit. That's a little bit of damage. Partially resisted. Whip with advantage. Partially resisted. Hey. All right. Activate. Sneak attack. Sneak attack up. Click the damage. Carry the one. And... 17. 17 damage. Partially resisted. I don't know how that carried on the other end of the recording. Somebody really interested to hear that.

They would have died hours ago. Hours ago. They partially resisted this damage. Oh my God. Okay. This is great. If we'd thrown that flyer, this would have been over. That's true, actually. Do you guys want to throw some fire? Let's throw some fire. Aster. I'm gonna do the same thing I did last time. Let's do it. This will do it. I have a feeling. I have a good feeling about this. 25 will hit. As a result of being blood. No, I'm kidding. I'm gonna kill you. I'm just playing flashbacks. I'm just playing flashbacks. Let's take it back to 2012, baby. Yeah, no. That's 22. Partially resisted.

I get another one. That's a crit. In addition to standard critical hit damage to your target, you get a plus two to all your defenses. Not that it matters right now. That's okay. Plenty of time for reinforcements. Yeah, just stop it. The T.A.N.T.S. people have decided. They've sided with the vampires and they're going to help. Okay. Jesus, God. Vampire spawn number two. I hate D&D now. And uh... You did. You caused this. You made them. I know, but like... Now Jason, imagine if we went and attacked an entire town full of vampires with this level of effectiveness. Now imagine if we just all found good magical weapons.

That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give us the goods, Messi. I'm trying. Anywho, look. He's gonna try and bite you. Oh my God. Fifth of the Miss. Oh, he's gonna get frustrated. It's like, fuck it. Claws. That's gonna miss. I hate everything. It only works for Mattie. Yeah, vampire. God damn. Okay, who's Grapplin'? Who's he Grapplin'? Is it Masoka? He's Grapplin' me. Yeah. Wait. Oh wait, which one? Vampire number four. Oh, sorry. I thought two. He ain't Grapplin' no one. There's no Grapplin' going on. He's not Grapplin'? No. Oh, okay. He's gonna try and hit Mattie. No. With disadvantage.

Shit! Never mind. No. No, he'll try and hit Mattie. Fuck it. Claws to Mattie. With disadvantage. 12 will miss. He's mean while getting the fuck out of him. Yeah, no, I don't blame you. Fuck it. He's gonna try one more time. 24 will hit. Seven damage and grappled. Oh, God. Ooh. Amphan. He got health back! Yeah, no. He's... Yes! I'm like a new wizard. So, I go through my bag. I pull up my diamond. For sure this time. Oh, it's gonna work. Alright. And then he's like, "Please." And... Oh, dang. No. Instead of it firing, it glows and then dims his back down. And he's like, "Ahh," and throws it back in his bag.

I heard a gingold myloba will help with that. There's a horny goatweed you can try. Next time on Aubrey, I'll pick some up. That is my turn. Unfortunately. Herbal potency solutions for the traveling wizard. Nice. Alright, Donovan. Okay, let's dance again. Oh, there it is. Hey, another crit! Unreliable armor. The target's AC is reduced by 2 for the remainder of the encounter. We'll take that. Maybe we'll be able to take you. Maybe. 12 damage. P-ard. It's EM. Okay, Garping number 2. 28 will hit. Okay. 10 damage. Shortsword number 1. Jesus God. 26 will hit. 7. Haste to our pick number.

A bajillion. Seems unfair, but okay. 19. 10. Okay. That it? We good? Good. Okay. Maddie. Same old story. Mace to the face. Critmas! Oh, wait. I have advantage. You have advantage. It's okay. Woo! 23 will hit. Oh, I'm not even targeting him. Yeah, what do you- come on. Massey? Look, it's late. I lashed out. I'm sorry. That's like new. I haven't had anything to eat in many hours. Well, I did 9 damage. Partially resistant. Move on. Okay. Proud of you. Round 8! Hey! Hey, Soka! Is anyone even listening to this anymore? I'm not and I'm playing. I'm playing. Creator editing might help. I'm just gonna speed up to 1.5 speed at this point.

Yeah. I hit the 3 second forward button. Yeah. So he's grappling Maddie. Imagine his back's probably turned to me now. Yes. So, I'm just gonna plant this dagger down to the back of his neck. Yes, fillet him like a fish. Maybe. Do it. 17 will hit. Oh, yes. 17 will hit. Let's do that. Let's do a little sneak attack damage. Yeah! Ooh! Oh! It's late. Partially resistant. You have to have a shield on. That's the thing. We all might be a little punchy. Scalnar! Fine, but the dagger's stuck in the back of his neck. Offhand? Okay. Wait, do you have an- wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Offhand? Oh, I'm dumb. Can I still do that if I- Yeah, let's do it. Okay. I'm gonna change the turn trackers. Oops. Oh no! Nevermind! No offhand. Oh, if you kill yourself. No, jeez, god, no. Slippery hands! You throw your weapon one D4 squares away in a random direction. That's actually really funny for a drug so good. Oh, gimme a D4. Me? D4? Yeah, yeah. Fucking two. We'll take the two. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's, uh... Oh god, you know what? You're gonna throw it behind you on the roof. Okay. It wasn't- it wasn't topo, so we're okay. Ah, Scalnar! This is just getting silly.

Okay. Will I be the one to strike the killing blow? Please, god. Yeah, spin the wheel. All right. You've killed most of them so far. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a good fight in general. Oh, that's gonna miss. All right, so that's the first whiff with the war hammer. Second war hammer. How do you keep doing that? Oh my god! So amazing! Oh no! Third whiff. Man, worst use of advantage today goes to Scalnar. All right. Hey, there's- 25 will hit! Sneak attack, engage, fire. Partially resistant. 17 partially resistant! And then he turns to Ash, because his fight's over. Yes, it's sunrise.

It's only been- it's only been 48 seconds, guys. I'm sorry. That's all for my turn. Oh, jot- jot- jot- okay. Aster! This is great. I'm having fun. Are you? I am! Well, when you edit this, you just cut out five rounds and say, "Five rounds later." Yeah, you could actually narrate, like- I honestly could. 27 will hit. Vampire spawn number four. Yeah, okay. Shabachaha! 15 partially resistant. Yeah, I'm gonna go for the last one. 15 partially resistant. I'm gonna hit points to this guy. He is so close! That's a crit! We will not be rolling on the table. That is a crit.

Oh my god, Max. That'll kill it! That'll kill it! I'm gonna resist that. Yeah! He's going to keel over and say, "Remember me as I was." And he's- Just like a pin cushion. Oh my god, are you done? Yeah. Fine. Vampire spawn number two! He's gonna try to bite Donovan. 12 is gonna miss. He's gonna try and claw Donovan. 11 is gonna miss! Does not want to be there. Amphan. Whip out your big old diamond. Yes, the diamond's put away. But I don't know about you guys, but I am done. So, holds up both of his hands, casts lightning bolt. Just like anything, and walks away. Done!

Just a little- Holy shit, 20- Oh, he succeeded! Story of my life. That's okay. Jesus Christ, 30 damage will kill him though! 15. Oh, he's dying. Resist that. Ladies and gentlemen, that will take you out of combat. Before we wrap up today- Let's do some heavy roleplay. No, stop it. We're gonna listen, see who's potentially gonna be a vampire. Maddie, Masocha, Donovan. I need Constitution saving throws from each one of you. Now, you're shooting for 18 or higher. Maddie just- Oh no! What did we need? 18. Oh, 18. I thought you said 8. I was like, "Oh, we're good." Maddie and Masocha have failed.

Donovan has succeeded. That is a good time for us to stop for the evening. I don't even know what to say, I'm just exhausted. I'm so beat. Fuck it, whatever. I'm sad. Right now, I'm okay with it. We'll see next time though, I might change my mind. Yeah, how can you even emotionally process it yet? And I mean, there's the whole Clifford thing. Like- Poor Clifford. Yeah. You guys, okay, important silver lining. No messengers. Yes. No witnesses. No word got- It would have been- There are prices I would have paid to not have you guys infected with vampirism, but at the very least, we pulled that silver lining out of this.

Yeah. And considering who is basically a vampire now, at least they have each other. That's- It's good. It's almost cute. Yeah. Halfway through this fuck it moment I had, I was like, "Whatever, she's just gonna bring light to the darkness. That's her thing now." Oh yeah. And you know he will help you. I think the two of you should gradually become more and more like overwrought Twilight vampires. Oh no. Oh yeah. Let's get some sparks. Like poetic and pained and melancholy. Some sort of like blade type vampire couple. We're like really going down the BDSM leathery grungy punk- So we're going back to the blood brain.

All right, cool. All right guys, we haven't explored this yet on DNR, but now when you get vampirism, you roll on the random kink table. Man, I can't wait to see Masocha in that skin tight leather corset. And assless Jeff. Oh baby. Matty just wears the same old style of lights. What? I thought this was the uniform. I didn't- Everybody, thank you so much for listening to the show. We really do appreciate it. If you want to help support us, there are two major ways to do that, and it really helps us out. If you go to patreon.com/dandr, you can get all kinds of content, including things like Living in Theria, and The Town Crier, and tons.

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