The Countess

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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Terms and conditions may apply. Ark 3, episode 33 of the DNR podcast is brought to you today by you lovely folks over at patreon.com/dandr. That is the place to support the show and help us do what we do each and every day. Also, we'll be uploading a lot of extra content because we are almost at the end of the Ark. So swing on by patreon.com/dandr today. Previously for Group A, the team sat down with the god of death and took a quest from her to go to the Countess's castle and slay her. Although this may be easier said than done, the team is readying themselves for the final approach.

And that's where we pick up things today. Hey, it's Rob. I play Skalnar Hisk, the dragonborn paladin rogue. And Kelsey. I'm Kelsey and I play Astor Feynriel, the elven archer, for at least one more episode. And Michael. Hey, I'm Michael and I play Amvin, the half-elf wizard who is determined to not die. And you know what, honestly, if anyone's gonna live, you would be the Steve Buscemi in this group. Like, you would just... Heck yeah! You would be. [Laughter] Why am I Mr. Pink? Xavier. Hello, I am Xavier and I am playing Donovan Weiss, the human paladin of Volandra.

And James. Hey James, I play Masoka, the slowly dying half-elf rogue. And last and certainly not least, Susan. Hey, I'm Susan. I'm playing Madeline Rewin, the human soon-to-be revenant cleric. Ah, I can feel it in the air tonight, guys. We've all been training. We got that Rocky montage going. This has been like three and a half years in the making. It's rare for us, but there are these special nights when it all kind of just gets funneled into one encounter. One, you know, maybe one roll to die. We don't know yet. But I wish you all the luck in the world tonight.

You will be facing the Countess. And we have a few things to wrap up in the town of Durnahlu before we go get into that. I guess my first question to you guys is how would you like to start? How are you spending your last night in Durnahlu? Well, it's a week, right? For what? Because we're slowly dying. Well, okay. Well... Other than slowly dying, we're really not... I didn't know if you wanted to do that in town or take it on the road. I didn't know. We could have done it in the Divide. We could... You can die wherever you want. I feel like going to the Divide and dying is not...

Is there a definitive timer on this? Yeah, well... Or is it like when we just happen to die? It's kind of... Or are we actually dying? Oh, you're dying. Oh no, that's... That's what I thought. Yeah, no, the timer's a tickin'. And it's basically like... Oh man, what should we do? You know what? The Oscar-winning countdown. Annie Dana? It's kind of different for everybody. But it's basically a week. Yeah. Well, I'm sure everyone's gonna... And how many days has it been? I'm gonna level with you. You know what? You and Matty, give me a con save right now and I'll tell you exactly how much time you got left.

You dead. You dead. You died yesterday. Did you know? Oh god. Repo men came and took your hearts. I'm more dead. Matty's got maybe a day or two longer than you. But... You're both on the way out, so it's fine. You're keeling over right now. Donovan would make sure to make the point that he wants you to... He knows you're not dying permanently because of the circumstances, but he's like... Let's all take the time we have to prepare and for you two to enjoy the next few nights. Just go have something good to eat, something good to drink. Sleep well. Take care of each other.

Let's all do what we have to do to get ready for this. And then when you two are... He's gonna do air quotes back, then I think we can go. I have a semi-crass question to ask, but I feel like since this is the finale, this is all about closure, I need to get this out there. So you guys, you know you're coming back, and the Revenant lifestyle was described to you as not being able to enjoy things, not being able to... Food, drink, sex. So while, yes, you are going to die, is this a thing where maybe you guys get a separate room? Maybe you just, you know, whatever?

I don't know. Just ask it. Well, how long have Mattie and Misoka been a thing? In-game? Yeah. Jesus, I would say at least... Well, let's see. When would you say it was official? Somewhere back in Aubrey, right? Yeah. The first time. Yeah. Yeah, before he died, right? Or after he died. No, before. Before, yes. Yeah. Like at least from the kiss. Yeah. So it's like two to three weeks, I guess? Well... Long enough. I mean, it's been about a month, like full on. Like, because, okay, think about it. You had to go through the Divide, you met the Countess at the beginning of this arc.

It was last arc. And I always go by the rule of, you know, accelerated timetables based on life and death situations, right? Like, you know, a few weeks would be maybe taking it fast to some people. But if you know you could literally die tomorrow, and hell, you guys are, you know... yellow. Yeah, if the ramifications were clear of becoming a revenant, then I think Misoka would want to experience it as much out of the relationship as he could. Well, I actually had something planned. Oh, okay. Conversation. I wasn't going to go into like, and then she takes off her tongue.

Well, I mean, if you guys have a scene and you'd like to play... We have special cookies for that. That's not this podcast. So let's say after, like a day after the funeral and things process, because I know Misoka couldn't even process. Like he couldn't even think about what was happening to him yet. So... He was... Yeah. Yeah, he was very dramatic. I mean, it makes sense. A kid just died. So I wanted to ask how the room setup was before all of this. I don't want to assume, but I would think probably Misoka and Donnie would share a room and then probably Matty and Aster and Anvin would probably get his own so he could stay up reading under candlelight or whatever.

Trent will stay with Skal'Narr. Like it'll be, yeah. Like I feel like... And bug bits! Yeah, there's so much more room for activities. Wait, who stays with Skal'Narr? Trent. Trent! Like I figured... basically I wanted to get some of that Thomas energy, but in this campaign now I wanted to really... You can't get some random harold at... Alright, I hope the battle's balanced for five, because I'm out. I'm joking. I just wanted to add some levity. But yeah, no, I feel like you guys are well off enough that it's a little extravagant to each get a room, but like, yeah, two to a bunk is fine.

Okay. So in the middle of the night, Matty's going to knock on Misoka and Donovan's door. Here, I got Foley for you. *knock knock knock* Thank you, you just saved me so many clicks. Donovan gets up. He doesn't want to wake up Misoka. I don't think Misoka's sleeping very well, to be honest. But... Well, he lives there still. I'll get it. Cool. I'm sorry. I got Foley for you. So Matty's going to be standing there in her night dress and she looks nervous, but she's going to see Donovan and go, "Hey, can I talk to Misoka? I don't know how long this will take. You're welcome to stay in my room." Hey, Matty, good timing.

I was just going for a long walk. I hope you two can talk it out. And he'll just... He'll just leave. He'll just open the door, let you walk in and he'll close the door behind you. So Matty's going to lean against the door and fidget. And usually she's pretty in control and then she's going to look up to Misoka. She's going to... Sorry. And then she's going to look up to Misoka. Okay, I have something to tell you and I wanted to get this all out before everything, okay? So with everything that's been going on with Ubo, with Clifford, I just... We haven't had time since Aubrey.

And we're dying. We're going to die. Yeah, we're coming back as revenants, but we're going to die. But I wanted you to know that I couldn't imagine going through this with anybody else. We haven't had a chance to talk since Aubrey, but I think I need you to know... No, I need to tell you. I love you, Misoka. Yeah, I've been thinking about the same things. I mean, you're right, we really haven't had a chance. I love you too, Matty. And I don't want to just spend these next couple of days just waiting to die. I don't know what's going to happen afterwards, but I'm kind of scared that this might be less of a thing.

Yeah, I don't know what it's going to be like after. But I'm glad it's going to be with you. How do you want to spend your last days? Honestly, not thinking, not doing anything. I feel like we've just been going, going, going. So if we could just be together and relax. Yeah, I think that's all I want. I just wish we had more time. This isn't fair and I'm so happy because it meant you. I'm so happy it meant you too. Let's not think about tomorrow right now, okay? Okay. And then we want to end scene here and the curtain fades. Well, we don't know what's going to happen.

Yeah, you have to at least give us like a hint. We'll let fan fiction determine that. Okay, be careful because that's how you get goats. The chat here is, I know you guys, you guys, how are we supposed to concentrate with this? You're right. You're right. It is a master work environment. Honestly, you have been, you guys did amazing. So let's cut over to Scalenor's room. Scalenor, you're going to have to talk over the thumping on the walls. But like, you can totally like, yeah. Oh wait, I forgot to say give me some Jerga baby. Do we want to roll a check as per DNR usual?

Do you? Okay, so like how far along are they to die? Like, is there a possibility like this could? No, probably Masocha. You know what? Because again, you guys should have followed the warnings. You got to make sure you make sure your heart is healthy enough for sexual activity before you partake. They took some Dairion baby aspirin. They're fine. I never determined whether Masocha was a ladies man or if he was like just super awkward with that sort of thing. So this this could do it. This could do him in. Can I just get so far? Can I get? Okay. Are you guys ready?

I want a constitution saving throw from both of you. I don't want to suck at this. It's way better. Well, okay. How flashy you want to be during is up to you. Okay, look, I just died. Oh my God, that's so romantic. Climaxed into death. You don't know any better. Okay. You both rolled eight. That is absolutely charming. I'd like to think you're both rusty. You're both like you have plenty of reason. You're nervous. You're dying. I feel like you're both really hyper aware that the other one's dying. So like every couple of minutes, are you okay? Yeah. Are you okay? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. Yeah. That totally happened. Man, constantly checking on each other and ruining the mood. You're mostly talking the whole time, man. Do you need water? Are you okay? Do you need water? Are you hydrated? Aster, I believe you wanted to do something. I figure probably once we're out on the road a little bit. Okay. Well, let me do this. Again, we have a few days to, you know, deal with this. And we have our lovely romantic evening. We're wrapping some things up in town, I would say by the 12th. Both Maddie and Masocha have passed, which was...

It's hard to watch. It's hard to watch someone rapidly deteriorate. It's got to be a weird feeling because you know they're coming back. They're going to come back slightly different, but they're still going to be them. They're not zombies. They're not, you know, they're not possessed or anything like that. They're coming back as them. It's just... So there's no personality change or anything? No, you're still you. Everything's a little lackluster? Yeah, it's very sepia tone. It's very... It's like, "Oh, a strawberry." Like you just don't care. It's honestly, and this is a little real, it's like dealing with depression.

Okay. It's kind of like... For the rest of the party, waiting for it to happen, I was trying to think of what a good parallel would be. And I kind of picture it like waiting for a friend to get out of surgery. It's like you or a family member or something. You know things are supposed to go smoothly, but you're just sitting there watching the clock like, "Okay." You're helpless. It's going to be fine. It's supposed to be fine, but what if it's not fine, right? Right. What if that was just a crazy lady? That's possible. She gave us some drugged cookies and now we think we talked to a god.

I don't know. Oh my god, that could be it too. What a twist! You got Theriud! I like to think that Anven is just twirling that emblem for the Raven Queen and just... The amulet, yeah. Maybe I should just drop it here and it's not true. And it's like, "Well, maybe." And then just fighting it. Skal'narr actually probably writes a letter to at least his family and probably back to his church to, "Hey fellow, you know, Alvarinites. About to deliver some justice. Wish me luck. I'll come back and tell you all about it if I make it." So on and so forth. Oh yeah. And then Maddy, before death, writes a letter to Winterhaven letting them know what they're gonna do.

And then she's going to write a letter to Tempo of Aubrey letting them know what they're gonna do. She writes a letter to Clarissa. That one's fun. And then she writes a letter to her sister. What's the tone of the one to Clarissa? I wrote it and it's... Did you really? It's harsh. With every monthly bill, like rent and car payments, you know exactly what you're getting when you pay for it. But health insurance plans feel like the total opposite. They're confusing and expensive. Then when you actually have to use your benefits, there are deductibles, claims, processes, and other red tape to deal with.

But CrowdHealth puts you back in control of your healthcare. CrowdHealth is simple, transparent, and affordable. As a member, you'll get a personal care advocate who is with you every step of the way to help navigate the complexities of health events. They'll even negotiate bills on your behalf and could save you thousands of dollars in the process. Plus, you'll get access to thousands of other members who are ready to help pay for large health expenses. Experience healthcare freedom with CrowdHealth. Visit joincrowdhealth.com and use code HEALTH to get your first three months for just $99 per month.

That's joincrowdhealth.com code HEALTH. CrowdHealth is not health insurance. It's a totally different way of paying for healthcare. Terms and conditions may apply. With every monthly bill, like rent and car payments, you know exactly what you're getting when you pay for it. But health insurance plans feel like the total opposite. They're confusing and expensive. Then when you actually have to use your benefits, there are deductibles, claims, processes, and other red tape to deal with. But CrowdHealth puts you back in control of your healthcare. CrowdHealth is simple, transparent, and affordable.

As a member, you'll get a personal care advocate who is with you every step of the way to help navigate the complexities of health events. They'll even negotiate bills on your behalf and could save you thousands of dollars in the process. Plus, you'll get access to thousands of other members who are ready to help pay for large health expenses. To experience healthcare freedom with CrowdHealth, visit joincrowdhealth.com and use code HEALTH to get your first three months for just $99 per month. That's joincrowdhealth.com code HEALTH. CrowdHealth is not health insurance.

It's a totally different way of paying for healthcare. Terms and conditions may apply. We have to slip that into the episode. Maybe I'll read it right here. Okay, I get it. I feel like we need to have Susan read it though as Maddy, right? Yeah, I kind of want to hear the tone. We can absolutely- you know what? I think you're right. Okay. I wasn't gonna put you on the spot like that, but I think Rob's right. I think, yeah. Okay. I only ask you because I know you can do it. Okay, I got it. And then you do the other three. No, those aren't written. Clarissa, I may be dead by the time you read this and I cannot leave this world without telling you this.

I do not forgive you and I never will. You betrayed your temple, you betrayed your faith, and you betrayed a monitor. In a moment of great hardship, you showed your true character. You are faithless and you forsook the teachings of not just a monitor, but that of all the gods. You trusted more in demons and whatever price you pay for it that is not enough. It's not enough because you brought Ubo into orchestrations. Even though he willingly participated, this burden is on your shoulders. You are the one with the lifetime of teachings. You are the one dedicated to your faith.

You are the one that will be the next leader at the temple of Aubrey. And when you should have turned to your teachings, your faith, your temple, or your god, you turned to the power of demons. I cannot be part of any temple that has a leader who trusts more in the power of demons than the will of the gods. As long as you are a member of the temple of Aubrey, you tarnish its halls, and I will never call myself a part of its congregation. Ubo recently passed, and I want you to know that if his soul did not pass on to the afterlife, and he is now a pawn of the demons, that is all on you.

I hope you think about that every day for the rest of your life. Madeline Reuven. God damn. I gotta get some cream after that. I feel hot. Scoured. Wow. I told you it was harsh. Susan, please never write me a letter. Oh yeah, no, you should say "this was bad." I was thinking at the end, I was expecting "okay, bye!" Toodles. Hugs and kisses. Thank you later. XOX. Jesus. So I have a minor thing that I can do real quick. It won't be as eloquent or full as that, but just to get out of the way because I don't know, I think we're about ready to leave soon-ish. I'll sneak in a little.

I don't have a moment to, but go on. So a night before we leave, or a day or so before, Anven takes all of his notes for the gate, the battery, all of that information, puts it into a package, and binds it, and puts actually, he's actually going to cast a spell he's never used, but had forever. Which is the Illusory Script spell, which makes it look like the contents of all this is really just his logbook of "we traveled to the Divide." It was, you know, bark. Like very log note event kind of thing that looks really boring. But for Malkus, and certain people in Winterhaven, it actually can see what the contents are.

And then I wanted to know your thoughts on if I could do this. Do you remember that lock I put back together on the plague casket? Yeah. Since I memorized that, is there a way I could kind of do that and put like an enchantment on it that like, even if this is going to go to Malkus and then it can't actually open it unless until that is unlocked, which is only going to unlock when I die because then it just fades? Because I don't want it to be as powerful. I'll allow it. Awesome. And to for those that want to know, there's a note on there saying that it should go to become the freedom of gate travel for the world and not to trust to giving it to Uminiro.

So this is you're all getting affairs in order like this is like very clearly like just in case. An alley shit. Yeah. Yeah, I'm Astor is going to send a letter back to the evergreen for sure. Also, I think we should talk. Were we going to do something with the herbs that we got? The healing plants. I mean, I believe I send them back to Aubrey. Yeah, at least like a portion of them. But yeah, I just was, we should say that. I mean, Maddie was writing a letter there anyway. You got yeah, post going out. So because I know that that was one of the things that could like help Father White and stuff.

So you got trench running errands for us there, too. Yeah, he's our gopher. I think he was happy to do that because it's the opposite direction. Oh, and just so we don't forget, and this doesn't seem like a retcon if I use it, I set up the sanctuary for word of recall in Durn Hollow. That's that teleportation spell. I'm aware. How does it work? How does it activate? Um, I know everyone has to be touching me or within five feet of me. So we probably come up with some sort of phrase or something. Banana. Oh, and it's just voice. But it does take time to set up.

I have to designate the area at least 24 hours before, and it leaves me with one exhaustion after I use it. Oh, and then it could go awry if I use it. It is there. Xavier, you want to do something? Yeah, I figured that during the days we have, like both before and after the passing and coming back of Madi and Misoka, Donovan would spend most of his time at whatever chapel or church of Alondra, if there's one in Durn Hollow. Would there be one? It would probably be more like a multi-god church. It could be a bunch of different, you know, like a serval, I think.

It's kind of good enough, but I'd probably go there the whole time to introduce myself and just do a whole info dump of what happened and that he just has a power in him. He's not aware of the words, the prayers that people say when they cast spells. So he'd be studying that. He'd probably ask if there's some specific little travel bibles that he could borrow or buy to freshen up on the prayers. He'd probably ask if he could get outfitted with Alondra symbolism or whatever. Definitely needs a symbol and his shield. So that's a purchase he does because he can't be holding an amulet.

He needs a shield with a symbol on it. I'm sure we could get that done. By the way, the printing costs for every motel, like if you open a drawer in any room in the Honest Harlot, it's like 12 travel bibles dedicated to each god. It's a lot. Good. Well, then I guess what I want out of this is I don't know if I can roll on your table like town activities for religious service, I think it was. Yes, you can, Xavier. I think that would be fine because I don't think we can resolve whatever outcome comes out of it if it's like you make an enemy. Like that's arc four stuff.

It's like, yeah, fuck you. Yes, we absolutely can do that, of course. Because I would love to. Well, let me cue that up. You threw me for a curve there. I was ready. I want to use your tables. I would have cleaned up if a new company was coming over. All right. So we are religious service. So obviously this is one of those that the more you do it, the more you build up a reputation in town. But let me ask, is there a specific outcome you're hoping for? Just getting in touch with Alondra more. Okay. So this requires no gold and five days of free time, which you have.

Okay. So this is great. So all you need to do is give me a religion check right now. Not great. Okay, here we go. Here we go. We're going to see. Wow. 19. You're going to earn one favor from the clergy here. Like you've been such a help. Like you've just been. You have just been so helpful here that you've honestly made a little bit of a name for yourself. You're like, yeah, I mean, if you want to volunteer, that's fantastic. I need you to do one more thing for me. Yeah. Give me a charisma save. Save. Okay. So while most of the clergy like you, you may have rubbed some of the wrong way.

It's like, who the hell is this guy walking and stealing my thunder type of thing. Cool. I need you to just give me a flat d20 to see. Okay. How this. Yeah. 12. Okay. This is interesting. Oh my God. Okay. What a gift to me. Thank you. I have an idea for what the favor could be. What Donovan would ask. Let's do it. So he explains all the situation with the countess. So I may not come out of there alive, but if I do. And he tells that to whatever whoever's there. Like. I want to take a break from adventuring and I think I'll help the citizens of Dunhurst resettle, especially the all the farmlands that got abandoned and all the crops that were lost.

I want to help. Like, bring that back. So I'd like to establish a little altar or a little chapel to Alondra specifically for whoever is going to be tending to the land. And if you could just give me a hand with that. I'll probably start my own vineyard too. So there's, there will be benefits to helping me. You're gonna on the 11th, you're gonna you're gonna pitch that like I for days you're gonna be helping out in the 11th. You're gonna kind of talk about what you're hoping to achieve. They're gonna like I imagine a couple people just gonna walk up to you and say, Hey, man, why are you like no offense?

Thank you. But like, why are you okay? Like some people, you know, have a change of heart or a near death experience or whatever. So they just kind of want to get inside your head and know more about it. So you let them in on all this and the person you're talking to kind of like it's like, all right, they take it a lot better than you think. Like, you're kind of think you're playing some big revelations on and you're like, okay, cool. Anyway, this fence post outside has been broken for like a year. Could you like fix that? And you know, but the next night, they're going to invite you back to the back to the temple, kind of after hours type thing.

And you're gonna have this little clandestine meeting with a secret sect in the temple. And they're going to pull on this little candelabra thing and a secret trap like a secret like a secret tunnels going to open and they're going to pull you in. And they want to welcome you to the order of the flowing goblet. Oh, my God. Yes. And they essentially they wish you luck on what you're doing and they want to help that they don't have many resources in this town. But they tell you if you're successful on your mission, they hand you this this letter, which clearly contains some sort of like a metallic sigil inside.

You take that to the city of Esterholt. And they will more than take care of you, they will set you up after after this, you know, after this all goes down and they'll set you up with your your your vineyard, they'll set you up with all of this. And there may be a few more perks to joining if you're successful. Okay. And then they get shit faced. They offer you a bunch of wine. Okay, I'll partake. But like really good stuff like this is home. Yeah, I found my people. Did Donovan just stumble into a secret wine cult? Yes. It's the what is it in The Simpsons?

The Stonecutters? The Stonecutters! Oh, this stuff is this stuff is from like eleven twenty five. It's a really good year. It's like, oh, man. This is just a stone cutter now. Cool. Good scene. Very happy about that. Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do. We do. Alright, Donovan can die now. We can't. Good dice rolls, though. That's that's what that's a much better complication than making an enemy. That's too fun. Okay. Anyone else? So, okay, hold on. Let's jump ahead to the 12th. The 12th is when Maddie and Misoka would, you know, walk out of this room and they would be different.

They would their their skin would be more ashen. Their eyes are kind of milky. The pupils are it's almost like like they're covered in cataracts almost. They have most certainly died and they have come back as revenants. What would the reaction be for a member of the Donovan goes straight to Misoka. He grabs him by the cheeks. Oh, my God. You're so ugly. Quick, turn around. And he scopes the butt. He's like, OK, thank God. That's various ass. Yeah. Untouched. Well, I mean, it was touched. As long as the box is not untouched anymore. If it's if it's brand new, if they're just coming out, it just happened.

So could probably just turn to Maddie and like sort of taking in the changes and how she looks or whatever and just put a hand up to her face. And just say, I still love you. Oh, she'll put her hand over his hand on her face and I love you, too. It's so sweet. Now let's go kill some vampires. Yes. I picture there's probably just one more day where you're prepping everything that that that I don't know why this is the first thing that pops into my head. Do you remember the Mr. T cartoon? No, I wish I wish I did more. I know there was one. Yeah. So like he had it was him and his team of underage gymnast kids.

And that was weird. But like every episode he would be in the gym locker room and he would suit up. So he'd put on his cool chains like tires, boats, like that. I'm getting ready for stuff. If you'd like to do a slightly more recent version of that, you could do the Evil Dead 2, Ash putting on the chainsaw hand and like getting ready. Like basically it's your, you know, I'm getting ready, Rambo-esque montage. You're sharpening your swords, you're prepping your holy water. You're I mean, you're getting ready. You're getting ready to go kill one old vampire bitch.

Can I do one silly thing? That's it. Absolutely. You can do all the silly things. Okay. Um. If they're getting all right or whatever, just like kind of look at Maddie and just be like, um. You know, you do that, uh, that holy water thing. Yes. Can you like, can you bless my blood? Maddie's just going to stare at him and blink slowly. No, no, no. Think about it. If you could bless my blood and then I get bitten again. Well, then that's got to be like crazy poison damage blood to the vampire, right? Maddie's going to take his face in her hands and then kiss him on the forehead.

My love, I need to teach you about religion. No. Okay. Okay. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know a lot there. Okay. That would be a great limit. That would have been amazing. What if I drink holy water? I don't think that would be enough. Damon, I just realized I should have used from dust till dawn as the example. I don't know why it doesn't matter, but okay. I linked the song from Kill Bill Battle Without Honor or Humanity in the chat. That is the ultimate montage song. Sure you can use it? Yeah, sure. Me and Tarantino go way back. It's fine. It is the 13th of all to Ornn.

Are you guys ready to do this? Yes. So we're going to have a group talk about strategy and stuff at some point. Are we going to do that once we're on the road? I would imagine this is the thing where you get outside of town and you have that thing that lets you kind of skip the whole divide. You're basically going to Donners. It's just boom. You're going. But before you use that, I would imagine it's like, okay, we should probably talk about what the hell it is we do when we poof to the other side. Let's have that conversation now. Okay, so we're like outside somewhere.

Yeah, you're outside Donners. You're on the road. Yeah, nice little group chat. So, Esther, why did you bring us here? What did you want to talk about with us? Well, I mean, first thing we should really figure out what exactly we're doing, but I mean, before we get into the nitty gritty, they kind of like hesitate a little bit and like look off to the side. I figure we should talk about things like, okay, like the chances of all of us making it out of this alive are probably slim and if there's anything any of us want to, you know, like, leave with the rest of us, just in case.

Does that make sense? Any potential unfinished business, kinda? Well, Donovan looks around like, well, my slate is pretty clean after this. Kind of eyes everyone else. I have a package going to Winterhaven. You can let Malkus work with Malkus if I don't get through this, but it has to do with those gates. Cool, nerd stuff. Got it. Yep. I know you'd love it. They just smile at everyone. He's gonna eye Aster and kind of cuck his head. Aster, do you have anything you'd like to tell us? Yeah, I mean, I guess it's just me then. Cool. Okay. Also, Skalnart, right? Yeah.

They kind of look at Donovan because he was the one that sort of brought Skalnart into the group and just like, do you like know each other or something? We haven't really talked. Like, who are you kind of thing. Well, yeah, Donovan will step back and kind of like motion to Skalnart to introduce himself. I feel like I'm doing this a lot. I'm sorry I'm new here. I am Skalnart Hisk, Paladin of Eltri. I was looking for a way to bring more justice to Theria. Sure enough. Came across Donovan and the Countess has brought a great injustice to an entire town and her reach extends beyond its borders even.

She is a menace ever growing. So I am pleased that I have found people who are as committed to solving this problem as I am. Aster kind of like squints at Skalnart a little bit. So, like, okay, obviously, this current situation aside, like, when it comes to justice, how are you like one of those, they kind of let like move their arm and like a hammer motion. Just like, I mean, we're not like we do good, but I don't think well maybe like, Maddie accepted to follow us come from great shining pure background sort of things. I thought you're asking if he's a cop.

That is what they're asking. You know, you got to tell me if I am. I am not concerned about minor petty sorts of criminal things if that's what you're wondering. Justice is a complicated thing. It is best defined in the doing. So I will stay focused on the thing that is in front of us right now which I am confident is justice. And from there. There are great many more injustices on my list before I can concern myself with smaller issues. Oh, hey. Oh, I mean you're coming along with us on a death mission so that they're kind of like shoot Donovan look like you brought a cop into our group like professional.

Okay, well, I guess that out of the way. Haha. I'm gonna go faster just start sweating. Yeah. Do I smell like weed guys do I smell like weed. I'll tell you what, we get through what is ahead of us and perhaps if we continue in the same company. I tell you more about Alfred, we figure out if we should continue operating side by side, fair. I understand you seem very nervous religion and gods that sounds like a great time. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess that kind of leads into the thing so, um, well, you all know that I'm from the evergreen kind of but before then I.

Well yeah this is the whole unfinished business thing I was talking about the reason why I left the first place and started traveling I'm. I'm from brightport. Originally, I lived there for like growing up like a big chunk of my life. And again, they're kind of like I scoundrel a little bit. It wasn't. Do you need me to walk a few hundred feet away so you can talk about this privately is. I don't understand what I can I can go over there for just you know, revealing my sordid criminal past to my group of friends, and it's okay I understand as I have said several times I am new here so I don't expect you to have perfect trust yet, I am going to go and admire the trees for a little while.

You can stay it's okay it's not too late I am walking. I'm not gonna be like this. No, it's fine. It's look, trust is earned and I have been here a very short time. Clearly making Aster to divulge these things in front of me so I am going to go admire the scenery, and you can beckon me back when you're done. No, no, no, no, no. build a trust later. Okay, it won't take long. No, I was a thief by trade. Okay, everyone knows that it's fine. We're all well off to prison with you. I said watch. Yeah, so like, same here is kind of what I'm getting at. I wasn't part of any of the groups that you got into, Masocha.

Yeah, I mean me, it was me and me and my sister. We were the other group on the streets, yada yada it's an orphan sob story etc etc but. And then eventually like a few other kids and stuff and we weren't criminals, and we were good at it and the thing I'm, I set out on the road to find out where she went, because I kind of think I need to kill her. Maddie will raise an eyebrow. And it's. I mean, there's a chance I might not have to which would be good but she was really good at the magic stuff like you damn thin she also likes to books and things and.

But at some point. I don't know what happened but the stuff that Clarissa did to bring you back. Maddie darkens. Yeah, I mean, she started doing blood magic and stuff and it wasn't good and it wasn't pretty, and, but she was good at it. I mean she's. That's the crux of it. I mean, I don't know. Yes, and like she her skill was great or good as in. Oh, God, people are scared of her run away good. People. Yes. She there was someone I was really close with at the time actually that she. I had a chance back then to kill her and end it but I couldn't and ever since then I mean I left I managed to get to the Evergreen and find a different way to live but I just.

I haven't been able to let go of thinking what she might have gotten up to and all these years since then. She's smart and knows how to play the long game and I can eventually she's going to turn up in one way or the other and based on where she was going the last time I saw her I'm afraid that's gonna end up hurting a lot of people if it doesn't already. And it's what the Raven Queen was saying about bouncing the scales and stuff it's my responsibility in a lot of ways but if I don't make it out of here and you do then someone needs to be aware of her.

Ishaara is her name. And I get I get I get it asked her, but how long has it been. And they just kind of like exhale this big silent just getting that off of their chest. They don't talk about it to a lot of people and how long since when last last time you saw her. Let me try to remember how long it was. Yeah, okay if this is wrong, forgive me because I might have said it explicitly somewhere. I don't remember. I think I don't like seven, seven years. That's that's how long I was in Evergreen. Well, people can change too. Don't forget that. I know. And that's what I hope.

I mean, I don't want to do this. Believe me. And between you and me, honestly. I think Skellner might have your back on this if you're right. Probably. I don't know. That's we just have another mission queued up. This one. Yeah, exactly. Higher priority than the plague or under the plague. Oh, right. Did we tell anyone about that? And when you're like big like package of nerd stuff, did you manage to slip that one in there? I feel like we should have told somebody. Absolutely not retconned at all. Great. So that's for Malchus to take care of now. We don't have to worry about this.

Yeah. Thanks for listening to me. It's I mean, you're the first people I've told outside of Rotana and a few other people back home. It's I like everyone here at Skellner included, even though that's I don't know you that well yet. I'm sorry. This is kind of awkward. I walked away. You just yell at him from under his tree. Sorry, it is OK. I am new here. I have explained this many times. I will earn your trust. Just let me know when I could come back. These trees are quite pretty. Yeah, so that's it. That's my story. I mean, there's more details and stuff, but that's kind of the gist of it.

We're in the middle of doing important stuff. But I just thought that you all should should know. And yeah. Thank you for trusting us. We'll make it out of here and we'll put it on the list of to do's. Great, cool. And they kind of like clap their hands together and just so moving on from that intensely awkward moment. We should get Skellner back over here and talk about what we're going to do. Yeah. Yeah. You can come back, Skellner. Skellner walks back over. Everyone feel better? Yeah. Sorry. I had no offense taken. We're going to talk about killing vampires now.

That seems to be more of your alley. Excellent. Do you want to take the lead with your professional approach? What do you think? How do you think we should tackle this? Unfortunately, there is only so much we can prepare. We know what to do with vampires, but the conditions when we reach the Countess's manor or castle or not sure what we want to call it. Those conditions we will have to read on the fly. I simply suggest we tread carefully, keep our wits about us and make sure we observe and communicate. Are we going to call for Quynh Fe? And she looks to ask her, like, that's right, right?

Yeah. Does it have to be some sort of one on one or? It's from what Trent said. She kind of just takes on whoever at the same time, because I mean, to her, it's probably not that much of a difference. We are one group. We are the fearless titans. Again, we never voted on that one. Yeah, I think it would sound better if it was a Queen's titans now. All right, we're all agree. Maybe we take some time and workshop it after the more urgent things are done. I feel like titans is maybe not the greatest. Astor kind of like glances at Anfin, who is small. He's the biggest one of all of us.

They're like, this is a jest. So I guess I guess my question to you all is, do we just want to go straight to her? Just knock on her door, call Quynh Fe or what about the Fang? Like, are we afraid that they might just spread out through Ellara? What should we do about them? Also, like, I don't want to fight the Countess one on one and have them like making fun of us while we're doing it, you know? I'm shitty. If anything, we can try to reduce the crowd pressure. We also don't want to be too weak going into the battle. No, if... What if we find Ripley then?

If anything, he sort of has the control over the Fang. True. We don't have to do it all in one day, do we? I guess we'll find out. If we could go hand crossbows ablaze in Donhurst and ring the bell to that church we were in and draw them in as far as we can from that castle. The streets would be easier to clean than fighting on their turf, I guess. But I don't think she's going to leave her castle. Yeah. Is it wise to waste resources? I know that they are a threat and they need to be dealt with. But we don't even... We're judging them on the fact that they're vampires.

I know that they turned and they work for the Countess, but at the same time are all of them willing participants? Well, you can just ask them, give them one chance. Turn your back to the Countess. Or the Raven Queen sends her greetings. Is there a way we could keep them busy? I know there were those cages which had a lot of them locked up. I don't know if there was some kind of way to... If the attention wasn't just all focused on us. Is there... I mean, the city seemed to be a lot of stone and stuff. I mean, if there's something that we could set on fire, it's not like anyone's using it right now.

I don't know if they'd even care. Ahsoka, with that Countess cape of yours, do you think you'd be pretty good sneaking in and out on your own? Do you think you could ring those bells and just escape? Well, I mean, I can see, but... Don't you think maybe we should go there when it's light out? Can you two handle that now? Gash, Reena, Isoka, and Mattie. I'm not supposed to be a vampire. Yes. Cool. I don't know how the rules of all that stuff works, but... We are scions of the Raven Queen. We are mortal flesh. Just a little undead. Okay, that doesn't make any sense at all, but sure.

Whatever you say. Did someone show Mattie the orb of light at some point? Oh no, we haven't gone over that at all. I mean, I think we're all cut up. Okay, okay. Here's something I realized today, and I probably was told this earlier, but I just didn't remember, but the armor that I wear also gives me resistance to radiant damage, which is fantastic. Nice. That's very useful now. Okay, well, the retconned a freak out over the orb of light sometime last week. Mattie, just horrified. Oh, and then probably would be too, because he also grew up there and it's like a priceless ancient artifact.

Yeah, it's crap. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good. You broke it. We'll have a behind the scenes episode later with all these. So I guess we have one unknown variable, which is that lantern the Raven Queen gave us. I guess we can't really make a plan until we use it and see where that brings us or what it does. And with this modified orb of light, an ancient Emonitor relic, doesn't it drive away all vampires? So wouldn't that do what we're discussing? How big's the radius on it? Well, now that Morgan turned it into a sawed off shotgun, basically. Five feet.

But it's very powerful. Yeah, it's a good 30 feet. So it'll keep them back. The spread. The weaker ones. Yeah, there's no chance that's working on. Oh, yeah. But we don't want 20 vampires on us. Yeah, so take that up to her. Let's go knock on her door then. Yeah, might be a good way to keep the Epe be challenging without onlookers or attempts. Before we do start, I have an ability and I want us to know if you guys want to use it to share in what I can do. I can create a telepathic bond with everyone here that lasts for an hour if we need it for signaling each other without having to be next to each other.

Yes. Yeah, that sounds exceptionally efficient. Very injustice. And should we need to someone give the signal and make sure you all come to me and we could teleport back to during hollow? Perhaps something we can say to her telepathically. I suggest blue. Colors are a bad idea. You never know what you're going to observe that's going to match it. It can really just based on how the conversation goes, it can go very poor. Maddy, you're you got a pulse on your own healing abilities. You kind of know when the party's in real trouble. I think you have the better bird's eye view of the combat.

You should give the signal when you're ready to cast it. Okay, but if anybody feels that we should leave, I guess we could let each other know through this telepathic bond. If it does come down to that and we're in the middle of combat and stuff. I know I tend to be in the back because that's what I do. But leave me if you have to. I got the best chance of getting out anyways, I think so. Don't wait longer than you should for me is what I'm saying. That won't be our first option, but I understand the sentiment. Yeah. Okay, so do the lantern thing, see what the situation is, and then.

Yeah, I guess we're doing it, huh? I am ready if you all are. Let's light it up. After this lovely heart to heart, let's say it's the 14th. I have a couple of questions for you. Are you going in during the day or night? Day? Day, I would think, yeah. Yeah, okay. It's gotta be day. Makes sense. Yeah. You're firing up this lantern on the road, which seems counterintuitive because it's a lantern and it's daytime, but you know. The second you do, there's this smoke that kind of pours out of it, and it is going to envelop the party. And you are going to watch the scenery blur by as you zip down the road just right through the divide.

And you're going to stop outside of Dawnhurst, but you can feel that you're still enveloped in this cloud. Like you're kind of, it's almost between worlds. You're not matter right now. And it's basically giving you the option of where you'd like to drop yourself off. You can drop yourself off directly outside of her castle. You can't go inside. The lantern can't bring you there, but you could go all the way just right outside her front door. That probably would be best. We could open those cages. Give the cover of days for those people to leave. I guess we're doing it in the daytime, so there's not going to be any resistance.

It's a ballsy play for sure. Is this entire thing not a ballsy play? You know what, that's fair. It makes the most sense though. Yeah. So you're freeing these people, these former, well, I mean, Fang members. Yeah. Is there any caveat to that or are you just saying, "Go, get out of here, be free," that type of thing? Or are you telling them- Or like, "Leave that life of crime behind, guys." This is your second chance. Yeah, we're giving- Right. Like, you know us, you've seen us before. Can we give them the, "Hey, do you want to try to kill your prisoner," speech and have them help us?

Well, there's a chance they might turn, oh no, they can't be turned into vampires, these ones. Do we just blink into existence? Like, how does this- I would imagine, so if you're dropping yourself right off by those front doors, that big smoke plume is just going to fall to the ground just like, and you'll just be there. Like real David Copperfield shit. And the lantern will go out and everything. So right off the bat, you're kind of- like that's some cool street cred. Like you're dropping yourself off in front of everybody. So I want to bring up something and I don't want to metagame.

Yes, these are people who are being held captive. They're emaciated, they're totally weak, and yeah. I mean, like they're not in fighting shape and they haven't been kept- they're veal. Yeah, it's not like they're going to get very far. I mean, you know, it's daytime, they're not going to be accosted by vampires. They might be able to, you know, hobble out of here and get a good head start, but it kind of hinges on you guys being successful. And then they're in the Divide where nothing will harm them. Well, they could also choose to go east and head toward Lockford.

Wait, that's not better. But you know what, look. You know what, they were fang. Let's just leave them and do what we're here to do. You know what, I got some rations. I'm going to give them my rations and go like, "We'll deal with you when we come back." Wait, what's the tone of voice that you say that in? *fart noise* I say that and then wink. And then even at that. I don't think that's helping. I'm going to be honest. I mean, it's like, "We'll deal with you when we come back." I mean, you wouldn't have let them out of the cages, I guess. I'm going to say, "Think about leaving a life of crime behind," and then you give me your answer when I come back. *laughter* Good, I like that.

I like that. Yeah, honestly, Helly, if you do come back, that means she's either dead or you guys are running. So, yeah, either way, you live to fight another day. I think that would be pretty... It's like, "Hey, you know what? If you're strong enough to beat her, maybe we follow you. I don't know." I feel like it's like, you think about leaving your life of crime behind. And if you want, for just like some food for thought about that, watch us destroy the Countess. *laughter* Then ask yourself if you want to be on our bad side. *laughter* I like it. We have an army after this, once they're nourished and all that stuff.

Army's a strong term, but sure. *laughter* Posse? Posse? I keep picturing the kids from Raiders of the Lost Ark, like, or the Temple of Doom. I keep picturing those kids. They're like, "Eh, you know, you know." We have Goonies? Goonies! We're Goonies, yeah. Hell you guys! *laughter* Think about it! *laughter* Did you give him the "It's our time down here" speech? And then maybe that will, you know... So what, you knock it on the front door? What are you doing? Just before we do that, in the chat, Anven says he casted his Telepathic Bond spell when we arrived.

I'll add to that that after he does that, Donovan will make the "Come here" gesture to Maddie and Anven. Like, "Come here. Come close. Come close you two." And he'll huddle up with them, as if it was sports. A sports. And he'll say, "I love you both to death, and I think you two need whatever divine help you can get, as well as myself, to get through this fight." Let me try this new thing I picked up. And he's gonna cast the Aid spell. And Aid is gonna give Maddie, Anven, and myself five... It's gonna increase our max hit point count by five hit points.

So that means 15% of your whole hit point value, Anven. Nice! And so we can probably just put that in temp hit point. Just put a five there, but it can be healed. Because it's your max HP that goes up for eight hours! No concentration or whatever. I mean, you don't even have to put it in your temp. Put it in your... I guess it's the last one, huh? Yeah, like, one way or another, we're gonna figure this out. Wait, I upped mine. And then that works out, because Maddie... Thank you, Donovan. Also, I wanted to do this. And then she's gonna put a hand on his shoulder, and then she's gonna, like, mutter some phrase.

And then you'll feel something. You'll just feel the spell wash over you. But she casted Death Ward on you. So for the first time that you drop to zero hit points, you instead drop to zero. Did Anya assume? Yeah, yeah. Because he always falls to battle. So you mean if I drop to zero, it drops me to one? Yes. Okay. So you won't go unconscious the first time. Cool. Alright. And he'll nod. Let's do this. I will telepathically tell Donovan. Thank you. I, uh... One more bit of levity before we move on. Do you think... That, uh, clerics, magic users, that type of thing, to avoid a night of eight sex, do you think they buff each other?

Maybe give each other some inspiration? Or maybe, like... Do you think? Like, do you think it's... Well, Donovan certainly uses Lay on Hands to remove diseases. Right. Like, maybe invite a bard. Maybe invite a bard in there. Like, you know, like, just like, you know... Oh no, no. Maddy used Enhance Ability and she did Bear's Endurance. Godly Viagra. Yeah, you know, like, there's some, there's some, you know, there's some perks of the job. Giving Masoka the old Claudius. Claudius. That means Maddy weighs 8,000 pounds during sex. Is that in large person or are you just happy to see me?

Alright, guys. You approach this front door. I don't think I need to tell you that these doors are locked. Is... Is there a plan here? Are you knocking? Are you, are you just calling out? What would you like to do here? Yeah, do we just yell "Quen Fe" real loud and see what happens? I should have learned to unlock. Well, we got a beautiful key, right? I'm like a master thief. I mean... Yeah, let's, yeah, crack it. Should we... should we... Amven, do you want to magic check it? Someone do a check. Someone check it, yeah. Do magic stuff first, because I mean... You guys are so distrusting.

Whoa. Yeah, Warren does like a thousand times the lock. I did, yes, I did. Amven do magic and Masoka do a normal check, I guess. I'm not going to try to pick the lock until he does a magic check. Well, then give me an Arcana check, please, Amven. Alrighty. Okay. There are definitely some wards on this door. But one of the things Amven would pick up is... The castle itself is almost enchanted. There's so much magic and just spooky wookums running through every brick and piece of mortar in this place. Is that the technical term? That is, yes. If you go to any magic shop in this continent and you say, "I want some real spooky wookums," they will bust out the top shelf stuff.

So, this... In layman's terms, this door can hear you. Oh, good. It's terrible for our party. You talk about everything. Well, luckily we've been doing that in our heads. Yeah, this has all been telepathic. Someone should place their hand upon the door and call this quen fey. Why do we have to touch the door to do that? I don't think that's... Maybe not. Maybe not. But I just think it would be better for dramatic effect. Okay? Okay, how about you do the touching, then? I'm not the speaker for the group. I'm Masuka. I'm the idea guy. I feel it's important to remind you that I am the new guy, so I probably should not be leading with the conversations.

We're all dressed in red, right? This is fantastic. Well, he's a red dragonborn, so... Well, Mattie's gonna cast Thaumaturgy and make her voice boom and yell out, "We call for quen fey." There's gonna be this moment as that kind of echoes throughout this little courtyard. And those doors are going to part. These big, heavy, wooden double doors. They're going to part and open inward. And sort of light up this foyer. And you can freely go inside. I thought we were gonna do it out here and not go inside. That seems really stupid, guys. Why do you think she would come outside?

During the day, yeah. Why the hell would she do that? Ah, fuck. Okay, yeah. Yeah, come on out in the sunlight! If we stay out here, then she's got the entirety of the... Well, not the entirety, but she's got the fang. We will also come out at night. We should probably go in. We got the orb thing to get rid of the... Yes, we do. Yeah, do that. Donovan steps in. There's an interesting trick of the light in here. Oh, god. Where you're on fire now. No, you are. I'm a reverse vampire. There's an interesting trick of the light where it seems to be funneling you. Like, it's showing you the way.

Like, the stairs are a little more lit up than anywhere else, and it's leading you back up to the third floor. Then she doesn't know we have the orb. I'm hoping. It's tough to say what she knows and what she doesn't. For sure. Yeah, we know the place. I guess let's just go back, just carefully. I'll just keep my eyes peeled. There's good food. Is there still food? There is no food. It's the daytime, man. I took Purify Food and Drink just for this. Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe after. Maybe there will be a halftime. So, when you walk... When you walk in, the doors are going to gently shut behind you.

As you're walking through this place, there are going to be these lit braziers and torches and stuff like that. There's this kind of homey crackling, that fire-crackling sound. And you're not going to see a soul in here. You're going to wander through that first floor, that landing area, and go up the stairs. The furnished second floor, all these tight core doors, and then it opens up wide to these... You know, there's that dance hall on the third floor, but you're not going there. There's a special room that she spends her days in. And all of the other doors in this establishment are locked.

It is... You're being funneled. And finally, you're going to get the set of double doors. And they're wide open. And you can see the Countess standing in this large open room. There's this massive carpet that covers the entirety of the floor. And there's this huge crackling fire. And it's... I mean, it's go time, basically. How would you like to do this? Is there a chance that I can recall anything about vampires from anything... I don't know if my human hero had any study on it, or anything that I can think of for edge of, like, ooh... Things to avoid, things to not try, to give Enven a little bit of edge, and potentially everyone else.

Give me an intelligence check. Let's see if you read about it. Alrighty. Nah. Nope. That's an eight. That's book sex. That is... Everyone's having a great time today. [Laughter] No, nothing like that. I would shock that up to... You probably know a bit about common vampires. I mean, you've had time to read about it since encountering her, the fang, all that stuff. You know what you're up against in terms of, like, okay, we know holy water hurts them. You know that there are some things... you can enchant some doorways and stuff to keep some of them out. But this is all off the charts stuff, right?

You're not dealing with the fang. You're not dealing with newly turned vampires. You're dealing with someone who's had more than a century with these powers and has only gotten stronger. And if I remember right, last time, she was giving off a huge aura of power. Is that right? Oh, god, yes. So am I feeling that now? Oh, yes. Okay. As you climb these stairs, as you get closer, I mean, again, we always compare just the ambient Geiger counter arcana thing. That would just be... like it's just off the charts. Like you are... yeah. Then as we are making our way, I wanted to be known that the ambience as we get closer is definitely getting more tenser.

Maybe some sweat seen on him, a little bit of shaking, because this is probably, like you were saying, phenomenal energy. Yeah. Magic. You almost said cosmic power. I stopped myself. I just watched that recently. Biddy be the Evan. I have a question. Exactly. Go for it. Based on us standing outside the house and us now being in the room we are, can we determine on what level of the house? Are we on the top floor? Yeah. Middle. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. Can we like see if we could find like anything that that key that we have fits in? Now? You want to tell her, hold on a second.

We're waiting for that one. There's a big chest behind her. Yeah. Cool. It's sparkling. She's just doing this shit where she's like pounding her fist into her hand. You have to press A to continue, right? We have until we press A. This is... okay. Let me be very clear. I'm very careful, sorry. No, you're absolutely... it's fine. This is your save game moment. This is are you sure you want to continue? The bus counting. Yeah. I think we passed that. We've gone two save files actually, just in case one gets corrupted. There is no saves coming here. No, we don't. Vadis, isn't that what Maddie did?

We don't do that this time, we just try again. Like, I don't see what the... So you have on the surface this very demure, beautiful woman standing with this very regal air about her. Her chest puffed out, back very straight, you know, wonderful posture. And seemingly not a care in the world. Like, you guys are getting ready for a dinner party. And she is standing in this room waiting for you. Unless anyone else does anything or says anything, Donovan would probably take a half step and gulp audibly and say something. What would you say? Okay. I might do some laughter, but okay.

In the light of your recent transgressions on your own diplomacy attempts and the atrocious nature of your crimes, we're back with the authority of Emonitor, Alvarin, Alondra, to bring you the Raven Queen's judgment. She is going to take two steps forward. I'm going to take it that you didn't deliver my message then? Well, we intercepted another one of your messages on our way there. And she's going to cock her head just a little bit. Like, "Oh, go on." What you told us was that you wanted to rule over this city. And just like any other ruler, just... get along with the rest of Elara.

But here you are, just sending your goons, shaking down people from neighboring towns to see where there would be some give. On top of that, your own goons took the life of the child whose life you took once. Well, I hate to say it, but... if you just let him remain in the castle, he'd still be alive now. And, um, there is a great distance between, like, the entire length of this massive room. There's a great distance, and I imagine your voices are kind of carrying and echoing you. And she's almost... Not even looking at you half the time, like, checking her nails or looking around, just disconnected from this conversation.

And there's going to be, after the line of the door, a very, very short distance between the two of you. After the line about Clifford. Are you sure you want to go through with us? And she is going to, like, lock eyes with you. Specifically, Mattie, because she's the one who called it out. Unless there's another way that you're going to give Donaher's back to its citizens and just... Stop the madness you're spreading. Oh, my child. I'm afraid you're coming in very empty-handed for a negotiation. Can I ask one observational question? Sure. You said there's, like, braziers and stuff, like, burning.

Is there a lot of... fire in this room? There's... I was going to say, one unit of fire. No, there's a very large fireplace in the room. Also observational. How tall are the ceilings? Quite. Would you say they're taller than 40 feet? I would say... I would say right around the 30, 35 foot mark. Somewhere in there. I don't know. Big. Very big. How far can I throw something? No. No. But it might help you. Well, it depends on what you're throwing, I suppose. I was talking. Oh, yeah, sorry. You know what? We all have ideas here. We all have ideas. Okay, here's my idea. I'm going to throw an oil flask at the ceiling.

And then I want to set it on fire. I want to do flamestrike, which is 40 foot high cylinder, on her and attack her before she just appears in front of us with super speed. Oh, boy. I love how we're all sending us all these thoughts. We're telepathic right now, that's right. That's true. Oh, yeah. That's true. So you're sending these messages back and forth? This is the one time we're allowed. I feel like the set the roof on fire thing only works if the roof is explicitly wood. If it's stone, you're like- I mean, it's a stone castle, like to be clear. Yeah, I think you're wasting your time.

I get the idea of like, expose the room to sun, but I don't know if it's- But even stone castles usually have- Well, how do we know? Yeah, but stone castles usually have wooden roofs because the structure wouldn't hold with all stone. It's probably like, warded up to like, I mean, we took your oil flask plan last time away from you, so you know what? It's true. Let me throw it. Let me throw it. Let some of it get on her, too. Oh my god, are there any windows in this room? Fuck! Look, why is there- I doubt- No. So that is- so I will say there is a single window in this room.

It is far behind her and above. Actually, you know what? I'll share a map with you in just a moment. Okay. As you are speaking, Donovan specifically, her eyes are going to glint. And she's going to kind of cock her head to the side and whisper something. You know, it's not polite to think such things when we're getting ready to have such an honorable bit of combat. Ah, of course. Well then, get used to hearing us talk a lot more because we're very tactical. Okay, so if we all start like singing at the same time- Right. Going to- [mimicking singing] That's my calculations.

She is, for the first time, going to sort of- The closest thing I would say is to ready up, like her arms are down at her sides and you're going to see her nails just kind of flex. She's going to flex her hands just a bit. If you need another moment or two, I can wait. I have time. I just need to know one more thing. Do you enjoy all this cruelty or are you just oblivious to it? Do me a favor, give me a persuasion check. I want to see something. Oh, damn. Oh, darn. 13. You saved all the good rolls for combat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fine. That's not bad. It's not, you know.

I don't see it as cruelty at all. Someone has to rule this city and- Well, why not me? If you're talking about the boy, I would put that more on you than me. At least he had a future here in the castle. He lasted, what, a week with you? No, I'm sure you're myself. I'll tell you what. It's been quite some time since I've had a bit of fun. I'll let you have the first shot. And her head is going to lower. I'm warning you, though. I would make it count. S. Ahh! What do we got? Fireball? So, I'm going to cast confusion. Okay. Do we need an initiative order? Do we need a surprise order?

I'm going to get- no, no, no. One of you gets to take a free shot. You can all roll for it if you want. I mean, confusion is as good a way to start as any, right? Like, if it hits, it's real helpful. I mean, I don't have a lot of hope in it, but it kind of helps H. Do vampires not have a thing against that sort of stuff? Yeah, she might have, like, what do they call that? Epic resistance, where she can, like, a few times per battle, autosave or something. But, I don't know. We burn one of those if she has it. There's some kind of, like, epic resistance thing that, like, boss-like creatures tend to have.

So, maybe she has it, maybe she doesn't. I don't know. But we don't know that. It's true. And it's usually not, like, I mean, again, who knows how Jason's running it, but it's usually not, like, outright unlimited in the monster manual. I mean, that would be cheating. Yeah, yeah. Which Jason explicitly didn't tell us that she would do anything. Yeah, come on! There's lots of ways to cheat, guys. It's okay. How do we cheat? Are we? I mean, you skip the whole "Divide", leveled up three times by eating a cookie. I'd say that's cheating. That's pretty much cheating.

Yeah, enjoy that for what, like, episode? Divine intervention is totally different. Totally different. Someone's gotta pull the trigger in this Mexican standoff! Alright. Like, nobody go up close to her. That's the only thing I say. Who has "Ignite Brain"? I think that's happened. Considering how... ooh. Do I want to handicap us at all? I'm thinking about all of her, like, power and Amven's state. I almost want to roll for that. If you can handicap her, do it. You know what? Let's just, let's do it. Let's start it off. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna roll. Okay. Okay, she's gonna save.

What did you do? I cast Confusion, which I don't think does anything when she saves. She has a +7 with save, so we know that now. Good info. Good info. So, Amven's like, "Alright, enough." And then is gonna put his arms together and send out this wind-like thing and it almost, let's just say, you can say what happens when it hits her, but my imagination is almost like it doesn't even touch her. I imagine just a wave of the hand. Boom. Gone. Like, it's not... yeah. Can I get everyone to do me a favor and roll initiative, please? I wish you all of the luck in the world.

I save against that. Just save against initiative. Oh my god, that's terrible. Our frontline didn't roll so well. Yeah, and Amven's gonna yell, "Oh, right, get information!" Holy shit! We got a crit from the Countess to kick things off. We tied, so we did. Yeah, exactly. So that's no indication as to how this fight's gonna go. Quick question. In the combat tracker, there's... hmm... I don't like that. Yeah, we'll get to that. I don't like that. I just post that on the record. It's new, baby! It's... this is the big 'un. Lair actions. Lair actions! This is a lair, if ever there's been one.

Also, are mighty adults supposed to be grappled? Why are you guys hugging each other? Are you hugging? We're hugging. They're that scared. Group hug. They're mentally hugging. It's telepathy. Alright! Skaldar. Skaldar. Okay, man, you know what the worst part about being a paladin is? Not much range. You are 45 feet away. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Let's let her come to us. Kinda, yes, but also, I feel like we're really susceptible to an AoE right now. That too, you're right. Maybe fly... like, go to the side? I don't know. Yeah. So... Donovan's the other semi-heavy character here in our party.

So I guess I'll go to one side, he can go to the other. Yeah, and that's good with our auras too. Yeah. Oh yeah, I wanna... but I only have a 10-foot aura. And now I don't trust the fireplace. Because... I'm afraid. I'm afraid, you guys. Alright, I'm not gonna stand in the conspicuous circle in the middle. One, two, three, four. I'll go like there? And I will... I think what I end up doing is kind of like prep spells. Um... Okay. I... hmm? Hold on. Oh! I cast Protection from Evil on myself with Undead as the subject. Wanna read that out to the party? Sure. I believe that is still...

Therian Rose? Yep. Okay, I do it. Okay. I don't know, I say something cool about Alverinn that Rob can't think of right now. But it's, uh... it's, you know, like an "Alverinn, your blessing protects me from harm." And he slaps his hand, he slaps his palm to his chest and wards himself against Undead. Sounds like a good turn to me. Is there anything else? That's it. Alright, the Countess's turn. Whoo, look at that stat block. That's big. Okay, let's... Oh, you're milking it. Just go. I'm milking it. Let's kick things off with her... ...hunting over... ...and sprinting forward.

We're talking baroness. We're talking barreling, like a track star. And it comes out of nowhere because it's this... Again, this old woman, her face is going to contort and twist into this fanged, evil, almost just monstrous... ...in like two seconds. And race forward and come right up to Skellnar. And she's going to try and attack twice here. This is with disadvantage. Yes. Like it says on the tin. Yes. God, I'm scrolling, I'm scrolling. There we go. You are... Whoo! Yes, yes. So, here we go. She is going to two unarmed strikes. Starting off, she is going to try and backhand Skellnar right in the head.

And she's going to roll a one. With disadvantage. Oh my god. You know what that means. Worst luck in Theria. We're going to roll on, well, three. Yeah, we're rolling on the table, guys. Oh my gosh. Let her like gouge out her own eyes or something. Oh man. Wouldn't that be just the worst? That'd be amazing. We can fudge it. We can fudge it. I'm not fudging anything. Why would I do that? Oh man. Wow, that is right out of the gate, too. Jesus. She tripped. That's what you get for sprinting in heels. Yeah. You can't put one of those rug mats underneath the big rug and it slipped.

Oh no. That would be a terrible way to die. Crit. Fumbles. Here we go. One. Oh my god. What does that mean? Holy shit. What does that mean? Your time has come. What? The god of death has decided that your time has come. Yeah, she has. There's a lot to unpack with this, but this is almost like, this is almost like Sable herself. The fucking, the god of death, the Raven Queen is just tagging in. It's like, okay, we need to make sure this bitch goes down. Throughout the fight, little things are going to happen to give you guys buffs. Oh my god. Best Disadvantageable Ever.

We might actually survive? This is serious. This is absolutely 110% serious. I feel like I'm dreaming right now, like legitimately what is going on? I really like this because it's not like she's dead because she tripped. No. Yeah, it's very fitting. I feel like she is annoyed that she didn't make contact. She is going to attempt to swing again. 17 is going to miss. Jesus. I'm going to be honest, that probably pissed her right off. Jesus. That's the perfect thing that could have happened though. Yeah. Something's happened or like what? Raven Queen joins our telepathic call.

I was just going to say, can Anvins like, he has the amulet and he feels it like vibrate or start glowing or something. Like your table's ready, a cheesecake factory. Yes, exactly like that. Yeah. There's just this feeling that overcomes the group. It's like you're not alone in this castle. It feels foreboding. It feels like all could be lost. You guys are walking into her playpen. It's her yard. It feels like you are giving up everything to do this, but it's not hopeless. She is going to swing at Skal'narr twice and miss, and then she is going to spread her arms.

The door behind you is going to slam and lock. Everything is going, like you can feel this place. It's like, oh no. You are fucked now. One of us is walking out of here and it's going to be me. Like you can just feel the castle itself. It's like, okay, hold him in. Maddie? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Still shook? I feel like we need to say that no, that was not scripted because it was too perfect. It could have been anything. Not only the odds of her rolling that, but the fact that the text itself talks about the Raven Queen. It's in the book. I'm the one who said we should fudge it.

No, it is written in the book. Like, this could happen to you. Okay, so starting this off, feeling the gods on our side. Oh, yes. But then, like, crash, boom. House shuts down. Maddie's first going to hold her amulet to her chest and say, "A monitor light guide us," and then everyone's going to feel beacon of hope come over them. Which gives them advantage on all wisdom saving throws, death saving throws, and you regain the maximum number of hit points from any healing. Oh, that's a good one. Like, what's the range on that? 30 feet. And it lasts a minute.

And it's not concentration. Oh, jeez. Is it centered on you? So it's as of now. Yes. I choose any number of creatures within range. So this light radiates out from Maddie and it flows up everyone. Except the countess. Oh, so we just get the buff. We don't need to be in that area. Wow. Is that a level five? I feel like it's a level five spell. It's level three. This is awesome. And that counts for pots, too. Huh? Oh, potions. Oh. Pots. I feel like pots and pans. Michael is super busy and doesn't have time for two syllable words. TL;DR, pot. Oh, he's in colorado, right?

Pot. Anything else? That's it. Okay. Anven, your go. You know what? I'm actually going to... Not. So I look over at Donovan, see that he's not near the countess, look at Skelnair, and decide to say, you know what, let's try this and pull out my diamond and start spinning it. Chromatic Orb. Oh my god. Yes. This is it. Oh, geez. Isn't this the first time you hit at all with Chromatic Orb? Yeah. I feel like it is. Simply stunning. In addition to standard critical hit damage, your target is stunned until the end of its next turn. What is happening? I think I'm going to start praying to the Raven Queen, guys.

Like, in real life. Yeah. This is Kori helping. You're good to go. Eleven damage to the countess. That's the first bit of damage. Eight damage. So the amulet that's wrapped around my wrist, I feel that vibration and it almost goes with the lightning, and as it hits her, we can tell something happened that isn't what it was expecting. I think Raven Ambin's a little confused. Yeah, I would imagine that obviously Skal'Narr is the focus of her attention, and then that's just going to thwack her and she is going to dart, like her head's going to snap in Ambin's direction.

Soka. Alright, I want to play this like he's avenging Clifford. So, one, two, three, four, five. I can get right up to her in my six moves, and attack with my Vicious Dagger. Alright, you're saddling. You're saddling right up next to Skal'Narr. I get sneak attack, too. Yep. But do you have advantage, because she's stunned? Good thing, because I just rolled shitty. Yeah, that was a two. That's a nineteen. Let's take that twenty-eight. Let's do it. Let's do it. How do I add the sneak attack in? Roll the sneak attack damage. Alright. Yes. Seven damage. Alright. Anything else?

Okay, remind me again about attacking with my other dagger. Yeah, you can just make a normal dagger attack. Yeah, it spends your bonus action. You won't have sneak attack. I won't, and I can't use my Vicious Dagger. Oh, my... We'll take that crit. Well, that was awesome. Unreliable Armor. Since AC is reduced by two for the remainder of the encounter, now, see, she's not wearing armor. If the target has no armor, you and all allies have a plus two to attack for the remainder of the encounter against this target. The fight's starting to become this kind of fight.

Is that automatic? No, no, no. It's something you gotta do. Okay, thirteen damage. I'm happy with my turn. I would be, too. Donnie, your turn. So, I can't get really far with my movement. Should I spend my Action Surge now? Yeah, he'll spend his Action Surge to dash, and then he'll just get right in there with everyone. And he's gonna use his action. He's gonna call out to Alondra and just say, "Alondra, keep her busy." And he's gonna use his Channel Divinity for the Oath of the Ancients. The usage of it, of which is Nature's Wrath. Use your Channel Divinity to invoke Primeveal forces to ensnare a foe as an action.

You can cause Spectral Vines to spring up and reach for a creature within ten feet of you that you can see. The creature must succeed on a Strength or Dex saving throw, its choice, or be restrained. While restrained by the vines, the creature repeats the saving throw at the end of each of its turns. If successful, it frees itself. Just for flavor, the vines have, like, grapes on them. What was the saving throw again? I'm sorry? It says, "Strengths or Dex?" But because she's stunned, she automatically fails her Dex or Strength saving throws. Okay, so she's automatically restrained.

Yes. And then at the end of next turn, when she's not stunned anymore, she can roll for it. And that's it for my turn. Okay. Aster. Okay. I'm gonna go this way. Plus two and advantage? Yup. Oh, actually, I'm gonna use my sharpshooter thing. So that's gonna be a minus three. Basically, I can choose to take a negative five to my attack roll in order to get bonus ten damage if I hit. Ah, got it. Negative five and the plus two, it's a negative three. So I'm gonna... Twenty-three will hit. Cool. So I do that to give myself a ten. Yeah. Twenty-three damage. Did you add your sneak attack?

Oh, I did not. I'll just... Just do it now. For this next attack or... No, no. Okay. Yeah, just roll the dice separately. No, yeah, yeah. It's a six. And we'll add eleven. Yeah, okay, cool. And now I'll do my second attack. Nineteen will hit. Jesus, plus sixteen. Nineteen damage. Yeah, that's my turn. Okay. Skal'narr. I'm enthusiastic about how this has started. This is going alright. Okay, I'm just gonna do the thing that I do really well, which is hit her thrice. Once with my pick, and then once with my whip, and then again with my pick. And a helpful podcast listener who I can't remember at the moment, thank you whoever you were, pointed out that I can Divine Smite multiple times in my turn after I see which hits have hit, basically.

Divine Smite, it's not limited to once per turn, so that's neat. So, first we're gonna swing with the pick. Hit the first. You have advantage, too. Yeah. Oh, alright, just throw it again. Yeah. Another crit. Oh my gosh. Okay, no special effect, but just the crit damage. Yes. Alright, and that's primed automatically, yes? Yes. Okay, and I am gonna burn a level one spell slot for the smite, so... That seems like too many. That's a lot. No, that's normal, because you double every die, so you double your Divine Smite die, too. Yeah! That's 55 damage. Oh! Jeez. Wow. That's nasty disgusting.

That's radiant. So she took double? Yeah, she took 98 points. I double doubled! Yep. I don't have damage! Dude. Oh. Oh my god. Alright, in comes the whip, and the whip, if it hits, it's gonna be my sneak attack, because it's my finesse weapon. Yeah, okay, I've clicked advantage, I've clicked plus two. 26 will hit. There we go. 18 will. 18 damage. That is slightly more reasonable. It's just conventional damage. Oh my god. Well, it's almost quaint, honestly. Oh, I tickled her afterward. I tickled her afterward. Yeah. Okay, then, because I'm a paladin over level six or whatever, I'm gonna do my second pick attack.

Oh yeah. With plus two, with advantage, gonna burn a spell slot if I hit her. That is not a good pick. I'm gonna burn a spell slot if I hit her. That is a crit. Oh my god. Holy. Peri, in addition to standard critical hit damage to your target, you gain plus two to all your defenses against attacks from the target until the end of your next turn. I'm operating at like an AC of 21 against her, that's great. And she has disadvantage on you. Yes. So, this, so that is 97 points of damage. You are going to put a hole in her. And she's going to look down at it. And she's going to look up at you.

And you're gonna see something in her eyes. As a result of being super bloodied. Yes. Three things are gonna happen. She is going to shrug off any status effects that have plagued her as of now. She is going to one time regenerate half of her hit points. And she is going to make a bite attack. If it lands, she is going to triple the damage. She's not stunned anymore. You have like eight things going for you though, so the odds of her hitting this are still slim. Is she biting? Probably the person that just put the hole in her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this would be Skeldark, hands down.

I'm just gonna say, the person that did like over 200 damage to her in one turn. Yeah, no, she's absolutely pissed. So, okay, here we go. Again, I have to scroll up. The odds of this hitting are poor, I would say. Alright. But if she does, I become an instant thrall. Miss. Dang. That is gonna miss. Okay, is that the last thing you can do? Yeah, I'm not doing that. If I can do more, I don't know about it. I think you've done enough. Sit down, sir. This is a Wendy's. I don't think other people would like to play the game. No, no, it's okay. Keep going, we're fine. We're all good here.

So she can't seem to hit you, and it's really frustrating. I can see that you brought some help with your night, then. Why don't we even the playing field, shall we? She's going to disengage, and use half of her movement to move south. And she is going. She's gonna try and charm Anven. Counterspell. Okay. I attempt to interrupt a creature in the process of cast spell. If the creature is casting spell at third level or lower, the spell fails and has no effect. If it's fourth level or higher, I need to make an ability check on the success that fails. Okay, so you're gonna have to roll.

Beacon of Hope, it should already be on the table, but just in case you have advantage on Wisdom Throw. It's on it, yeah. So I just make an intelligence check? Yes, you're fine. You're fine. Okay. So... I don't think there's any way. So yeah, okay. So that's gonna get flagged. You're going to hear a noise. And I need this to roll as four swarms of bats enter the hall. And join this party here. And that is going to... Let me see. Yeah. That, she's going to back off to about here. And that will end her turn. We have the castle. Lair actions. She's gonna create a cloud of fog around her that's going to give disadvantage to all ranged attacks.

That's a good... Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's pretty good. Alright, Maddie, you are up. Okay. First off, Maddie's going... Amven's too close to the enemy for her liking. So first, she's gonna cast Shield of Faith on him. Because he needs all the help he can get. Thank you. What does that do? It gives you plus two AC. And then Maddie's going to... One, two, three, four, five, six... Oh shit, I can make it. Hey, look at that. And then with her fancy new Warhammer, she's gonna whip that out for the first time ever. Finally able to use it. I still get plus two? Yeah, all the attacks have plus two.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so Warhammer, let's see how this goes. Seventeen will hit. Barely, I bet. Thought of it not as an approval. Yeah. Fourteen damage. That's it. Maddie finally gets to use that Warhammer. Yay. You know what? Let's pop a legendary action then. At the end of Maddie's turn, the Countess is going to try and strike Maddie twice. Before the first one, Warding Flare, I impose disadvantage. Okay, that sounds fair. Two unarmed strikes against Maddie. Okay. First one has disadvantage. That is correct. Twenty will hit. Oh. Twenty-nine... Oh, shit. Twenty-nine damage and you failed your concentration roll, so we'll get rid of all that Death Ward stuff.

And let's do another one. Oh, that's a crit miss, ladies and gentlemen. Boy. Wow. The target hits you with a basic attack, so just roll damage. Oh, yay. Oh, damn it. Well, okay, seven. That's fine. You winged her. You got... Yeah, you clipped her a little. So, okay. Well, then, Anban, your turn. Oh, shit. I forgot to add her bat friends. Yeah, I was waiting for that. You don't have to. Well, I mean, you know, I feel like it'd be a loose end to the plot if I did. You got it. So I'm going to cast Misty Step and pop over here. And then I'm going to tap Scowl Mater on the shoulder and say, "Hey, think you could do that a couple more times?" And cast Haste on Scowl Mater.

You're cheating on me? Skal'narr tightens his grip around his new magical war pick and says, "My pleasure." And that is my turn. All right. You know what? Let's pop another legendary action. She's going to try and beat Maddie to death, basically. It's okay, guys. Can't die. That's true. So, yeah, let's do it. 17 will hit. Just barely, I believe. 26 damage and one more. 31 will hit. Yeah, I will. 21 damage to Maddie. That will put Maddie in dire straits. I'm sorry, I just realized this is necrotic damage? Well, some of it is. I have reading of necrotic resistance from my one true love.

Oh, yeah. Well, wait. Are you wearing that? Yes, always. Of course. So that should automatically... Hold on. Because some of it's necrotic, some of it's just bludgeoning. Oh, God. It's just violence. Yes, yes. Do I have to do math or did the table do math? It's the 2d6s. Yeah, it didn't do the math. So, yeah. We'll shave off 4 damage. Anything helps. Hell, yeah. Dude, that could definitely keep you alive. Oh, Maddie finally got to use the two things she got from that episode. That's true. So, Ms. Soka's turn. Okay. So I can't make it there in my normal move action. If I pulled out all the stops here, cutting action, using dash and that, can I get up there and push Maddie out of the way?

You wouldn't get to attack if you pushed her. I understand that, yes. I mean, wouldn't she resist? Like, basically it would be a roll against her. Yeah, like you'd have to fucking try and brute force her out of there. But I'd be running up behind her and just trying to move her out of the way from another attack like that. But she's a natural fighter. Like, she's got her feet planted and stuff like that. But I love her! That's all I got. I got disadvantage on a stupid arrow shot that I'm not good at. That's true. Your fine bow? Yeah, my fine bow. You could use cutting action to run through an attack.

Can I get close enough with cutting action? Yeah, because you're moving and then you're using cutting action to dash and then you'd be able to make one attack roll, basically. Okay, then I'll do that. But I get the advantage regardless, right? Yes. Yeah. Wait. No, you get a +2. Yeah. Let's do that then and hope this hits. Okay, 28 will hit. You got a target. Now I will roll... 6 damage. We've got your sneak attack. Nice. I will add that to the damage. There. Anything else? No, he's staying there. He's staying there because he cares. Alright. Hmm. Do I want to pop another legendary action?

Probably. Probably. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I don't know. Let's see here. We got two mementos? How many of these do you have? Enough. They regenerate each turn too, so it's lovely. You know what? I'm going to use my last one. Let's just try and hit Maddie. Hit the Maddie. Let's do that. The Maddie. Let's just hit the Maddie. Wow. I feel just beniced. 27. Yes, that hits. Yes. 24, but we're going to take off, with that roll, 7. So we're going to take off 3 of that. Okay. So 21 damage to Maddie plus the 72. So, 93. That'll take her out. Yep. That will, yes. So, that knocks Maddie out.

Well, I got a hit remaining. Let's hit Misoka. Uh, what? Oh my god. Yes. Oh, shoot. Oh. This one just breaks down to, I miss, basically. There's nothing, it's like, oh, you're allies. It doesn't matter. Yeesh. Uh, yeah. Okay. Well then. Donovan, your turn. So, Donovan sees Maddie go down. She's like, "Damn it!" But he kind of knows that she's a revenant. She's like, "Aye!" He walks back, like, with a scholar in Amven, they kind of form this, like, three ways back to back, looking at those four swarms of bat coming in, like, circling them. And he says, "How do you smoke out someone who's in smoke?" And then he kind of, like, turns around to Skal'narr, and he says, "Did you know moonlight is just reflected sunlight?" And he casts Moonbeam on top of the Countess.

So there's a five-foot radius cylinder of radiant light that just illuminates where she stands through the smoke. So at the start of her turn, she'll save to see if she takes the damage or not. Okay. So it's always at the start of someone who's in the place, or when they enter. And that's my round. I'll stick close to Amven and Skal'narr for the incoming bats. Uh, Astar! Okay, so... So did the Moonbeam clear out the fog? Nah. Okay. Still fog. I have disadvantage. Yes. Okay. And fog is, like, what kind of cover is that, Count? Heavy. Heavily obscure. Yeah, it's...

Yeah. There's a reason. Yeah, I mean, there's not really much I can do. I'm not going to do the sharpshooter thing, though. I need... So it's plus four? Yes. So plus four with disadvantage. Yeah. And 23! That'll hit. Neat. And add my sneak attack. Plus 16. That is insane. Okay. 16 damage. And I'm going to attack again. 19 will hit. Eight damage to the Countess. Yeah. Alright. Okay. Anything else? You want to move? Uh... No, I'm good. Kind of good. Okay. Yeah, I mean, also I'm going to say, like, Astar's focused on the Countess, too, because I don't think, like, arrows into a swarm of bats is going to do much.

Yeah, that might be tricky. They're probably resistant to piercing damage or something. They also have echolocation. Gee golly gosh. Let's see here. How best... Okay, so we got a bunch of bats going, guys. So, yeah, let's go over here. Boom. Bats are going to attack Anvin. Just going to try and bite him. Probably not going to get very far. 11 will miss. So, ba-ba-bam. Bats! They're going to swoop in and attack Anvin, but get advantage this time. And bite. And 15 will hit. Surprise, surprise. So your war caster thing you rolled with advantage for concentration? Yep.

That's the war caster thing is he gets advantage on it. God. Okay, okay. I wanted to make sure this is being kept track of properly. So, yeah, they just do five damage. It's like nothing. It's like nothing. So let's get in over here and attack Anvin. I think I'm going to use my reaction to put up my shield to try to swat off some bats to give them disadvantage on Anvin. Okay, so they're going to get a plus two, but disadvantage. And attack. And 14 will hit. Okay. And that'll be six damage. 12, that's a success. So, yes. And last swarm of bats. Let's attack Anvin.

So, last. Closes all the rogue stuff I had to get out of the way. Jeez. Like four swarms of bats attack Anvin. So we're going to get a plus two there. And 12 is going to miss. Bring us up to the top of the order with Skal'Naw. So we have a fog problem. We have a bat problem. I am hasted. Remind me what haste does. Until a spell ends, the target's speed is doubled. You gain an additional plus two to AC. You have an advantage on dexterity. Saving throws gains an additional action on every turn. Can action only be used to take the action? Weapon attack only. Dash, disengage, hide, or use an object.

And my speed is doubled too? Yep. Haste good. So, I'm going to provoke from this swarm of bats because I'm just going to leave. Yeah, do it. Don't even say go finish her. We're coming right on over. Do your worst, bats. What if they take you out? No, crit. Yeah. Crit, death blow. Now you have rabies. So, what are these ones? So, plus four. Seventeen do anything for you? No, I don't miss. And that's just the one bats. So you're good. Yeah. Okay. So, I'm over there with all of one move action. I'm going to get to pick, whip, pick, and then pick again. And I have enough spell slots left to throw radiant stuff on all that.

We've established my sneak attack works on her. Here we go. Okay, so I have plus four total. Attack number one. Oh, I miss. Oh no, that's a crit miss. Yeah. Could I get a D20 please? And fifteen. Trick knee. Your knee hyper extends awkwardly. Your movement speed is reduced to ten feet. You cannot charge for one D4 plus one rounds. You went too fast. Yep, you're just not used to moving. The important part is that I'm already there. Yes, you're here. Here's your D4 plus one for that. Oof. So five rounds. Okay, but I'm going to keep swinging. He grits his teeth through the pain.

Oh baby. So another plus four. This is the whip. Oh, twenty-seven will hit. Alright, so this is the sneak attack. Okay. There's no reason it couldn't be smite as well, right? Like I didn't stick that on anything. Alright. Yeah, you could. Activate sneak attack. Activate smite damage. Throw damage dice. Thirty damage, which... Turned into forty-seven with the vulnerability. Yeah. Okay. I still have an additional attack for being a paladin and then an additional attack for haste. I'm to my next pick attack. Here we go. I am adding four to my attack roll. Boom. I am throwing the dice.

Boom. Twenty-three will hit. Twenty-three will hit. I am... this time I will click the correct level. And then I'm throwing the damage. Twenty-nine, throwing over, and then it turns it into forty-six. Okay. Then my haste attack is coming in here too. And I'm almost out of spell slots, so I can't do this much longer, so... Hopefully we kill her soon. Alright, again, plus four. Again, attack roll. Twenty-seven will hit. Good one. Another spell slot. Another side effect. Another damage. Forty more damage. Okay. That's everything I can do. I'm going to stand here with my bum knee and...

Be done. Okay. So I'm just like whaling, like whip, pick, whip, pick, pick, whip. Like just... It's just like this endless bludgeoning. Right. At like time and a half fast forward. Because of haste. But, yeah, the whole time Skal'narr was wailing at her, she was still bathed in that moonbeam. So he's just like handing through a column of light. And then at the start of her turn she does her save for it. Yes. Good. What's the... what am I... wisdom? It's a constitution saving throw. My DC is fifteen. It's not that high. A... nineteen. Yeah, so she's going to take half of 2d10.

Okay. Which I'm going to roll now. Yeah, ten radiant. Okay. So, twenty damage. Yeah, twenty radiant total. Yep. Wait, up to twenty and then back down to ten, right? What? She succeeded. Oh, you're right. Oh my god. Back down to ten. So, yeah, it's damage she's weak against but halved. Yes, got it. Thanks. There wasn't enough math in this fight. It's a team effort. It's a team effort. It's like a word problem at this point. Urged to create my own RPG rising. The Countess leaves Winterhaven in a train going sixty-five miles per hour. Okay. Sweet baby Jesus. I'm going... I... you know what?

Let's just keep it simple. I'm gonna try to beat and bite Masoka. Here we go. Target the Masoka. Oh my god. Well, that's gonna miss. You know what? Let's just try to bite him. Twenty-four will hit. Let me ask you a question. Before I roll this, is there any paperwork I need to fill out? Is there any resistance to the product? Is there... Well, we'll tell you after you've done your action and then we're like, "Oh, let's backtrack a bit." Good, good, good, good, good. That's what I was hoping for. And that's where you touch me. Um, right in the neck hole. That's new.

Well, the neck holes will be new. Twenty-nine damage. Wounded, but not out of the game. Yes, and she is going to heal for the necrotic damage. Rolled. Now I get to do the math because the table didn't do it. Perfect. Alright, that will end her turn, which will bring up the castle's turn. I'm gonna target Astor for something. For the record, I've just been doing arrows this whole time. I haven't done any kind of special effects on anything in your world. It's only a matter of time. No, no. I can't wait. I'm sorry. I can't have any of my control spells. Hey, I'm just dead over here.

I'm okay in your book, right? I mean, I'm dead. Like, you know, yeah, you're fine. Like, honestly, it's the closest Matty and the Countess have been. Now you get it. Yeah, yeah, you know. Here's what we're gonna do. Let's make a shadow. Let's see if we can make a shadow. So, I'm gonna target Astor. So, I need you to roll a charisma saving throw. And we're shooting for DC 17. Mmm. Yeah, that's just a zero, so... I was gonna say, Astor's known for charisma. Oh, man. Well, a shadow that looks... We're talking Legend of Zelda style. It looks like Astor. And we're going to add that right there.

And it is going to... Let's add to the initiative tracker. Six. Wow. Not very... Not much of a go-getter. But that's okay. So, we'll add that shadow. We need more layers to this fight, is what I decided. Where is it? It's gonna be right next to you. Yeah, there it is. Ta-da! Matty, you don't need a death saving throw. You're undead. So, Anven! Can I propose something? And I've been not complicated this whole fight. You wanna try and roll a 20? Yes, exactly. Go ahead. That's it. Oh, my gosh! Unbelievable. Oh, my goodness. I'm sorry, Jason. No! You're fine. I really did not expect that to happen.

You are fine. Honestly... It's kinda epic. This is probably 2020's payout. Like, this is... You guys have been putting coins into the slot machine, and here you go. You stand back up. Like The Undertaker? Just to sit up. Can I do anything? No, but it's really cool looking. Anven, you got bats! Yeah, and she's still standing. Yes. So... I'm going to do this cool thing. I'm gonna pull out a good old classic favorite, and I'm gonna wipe my forehead of water and sweat, and it's gonna turn into ice, and I'm going to cast Ice Knife. Ooh. At swarm of bat number one here.

On a hit, target takes 2d10, and then each creature within five feet must save against dexterity saving throw or take 2d6 gold. Ice Knife. Uh, wait. Uh... It succeeded, but then you rolled an attack. So the attack of the actual impact damaged, but the explosion that affects all the five around failed. Okay. They could make that clearer on the table. I know. It's ridiculous. All right. So then it is the 2d10 piercing. Ten damage partially resisted. Ooh, interesting. I told you. I said piercing damage. With that, I'm just gonna chill right here. I mean, that makes sense.

Masoka. Hello. No, hold on. Hold on. No. She is going to try and hit Masoka twice. Nope. Why is she just randomly hitting me? Just because she can. I guess that'd be the only reason why. Yeah, it's kind of simulating ridiculous speed. Gotcha. But she was probably going to roll a crit point anyway, so it's fine. Oh. One or 20. There's nothing in between. It's been amazing thus far. Here we go. And 17. God damn it. It just untie you again. Why? 17. Does that hit? What? I have to check now? Hold on. I mean, I could check for you. I have a 17 AC. Oh, so yes. Okay. So it does. So here comes some damage. 27 damage.

And one more. Stop! Uncanny dodge. Oh my god. Let me go back. 43 is what your wounds will be now. What was I in the middle of doing? Oh yeah. The second. Maybe. No, it missed. So no, I'm not. Please. Can I hit you? You already have been. Go ahead, sir. I'm going to try. I'm going to stick to the routine here and stab you in no particular place except straight forward. Oh, 17 will just hit. Excellent. I'm going to press the button for a sneak attack this time. Okay, good. Love it. 19 damage. Okay. Now I'm going to die with my other hand. It's going to be like 3 damage. You ready?

We'll see. Yeah. If I hit. 18. That'll hit. Oh, max damage. Nine. All right. Okay. Anything else? That was also full of lots of anger. Just so you know. That's fair. Me too. Let's do it one more time. I'm going to try and beat Misoka to death. I understand completely. It's just, yeah. So is she targeting Misoka? All right. Disadvantaged because I can use improved flare on people other than me. Now that I'm awake. You bitch. Okay, here we go. Disadvantage on the Misoka. Just once though. 22 will hit. 35 damage to Misoka. Misoka's down. I'm going to take this other attack and jam it straight up Maddie's ass.

Whoa. Sorry. That was a lot. He's not getting it. It was. You know what? It's been a long night. And Jason says ass? You know he's dead. Yeah, I know. I don't usually curse. I don't do that. If the Countess survives this, she's going to have this new inborn hatred for Revenants. Honestly, yes. And magic and radiant damage and people. It's 27. Let's just assume it knocks her out again. Well, hold on. We tapped the chronic damage. Yeah, she's up. Shape. Okay, yes. Okay. Oh, that's right. You have one hit die. Okay, yes. So Maddie and Misoka are both out and that brings up Donovan.

Yeah. Okay. Oh, geez Louise. Now we're all making this bet. This is all of our faults now. Donovan is just going to yell at Skal'narr and say, "Finish it!" while she just took a swing so she's off balance. And I'm going to give you Commander Strike. Ooh. Mr. Skal'narr, so you can take your reaction to take an attack. Here I come. Hold on. I'm just going to give you the effect. So you do the correct amount of damage. Oh, well, I need to wait for you to hit and then I'll give you an effect for your damage. Okay. All right. I gave myself plus two. I do not have the additional plus two because both of my allies are down.

Right. Good job. I'm going to be burning my final spell slot so I'm all out of juice after this one. Well, okay. If it hits, I burn my spell slot. If it doesn't hit, I don't. Yes. Here it goes. That's 26. 26 will hit. Here's a Commander Strike for you, sir. Cool. Checking off that spell slot. So that gives you an additional 1d8 of damage. You're popping that spell slot. We're slapping some radiant damage. Can I -- Okay. I don't want to put too much pressure on you, Rob. This might be the end of the ball game. This could be it. I love that line of buffs across my icon down there.

It honestly takes up three blocks of normal text. It's absurd. Okay. YOLO. Yes. 59. Oh, yeah. Change the color. That will kill the Countess. These bats are going to disperse. And you can kind of feel the influence of this castle kind of waning. There is a dampening of light over the one window in this room. Kind of has a bluish tint to it, almost like it's moonlight. And that is going to gradually fade until this pure sunlight pouring into this room. The floating chair is going to topple over and fall to the ground. As the fireplace is going to go out, these torch lights are going to go out.

And you are standing alone in the middle of this room. Now, an interesting thing is going to happen. Maddie and Masoka, their skin is going to pinken and their eyes are going to clear as they blink. And arise from the ground, completely rejuvenated and once again living. Yay! Yeah! What? Through the power of the orb, right? Honestly, that's just going to start shotgunning radiant energy all over. Like it's a wacky waving arm inflatable tomb bed. Just fucking all over. So pleased. It's so, so pleased. Do we hear or feel anything from the Raven Queen? I mean, I would say...

Other than that? Yeah, I mean that's a big one. It's like, wow, okay, promise kept. Good job. Wow. It's a weird feeling because you're going to feel the magic of this castle fade. She is dead. Like it's going to stumble back and fall over. And instantly you can feel this barrier over this entire place start to fade. There's a kind of a big feeling going on. Did she like disintegrate? Did she just collapse? Did she? She's collapsed, John. But she collapsed. Okay. Yeah. Someone hand me a blade. Does anyone have a blade? Seriously? I'm thinking Masoka and Hiyuki has some.

Yeah, Mattioli has blunt instruments. Yeah, Masoka will hand over what he's got. Skal'narr will decapitate the countess and pick her head up by the hair and say, "We're going to go outside and send a message." First, and then she flicks her fingers and the rest of her body lights on fire. Oh my God. Thorough, I like it. I throw the alchemist fire on there as well. Jesus God. Quick Masoka, your Oya flask. Not IP on the corpse. There's a big rug that can roll around in. And I formed the head. And just so no one questions what I cast, it was Sacred Flame, which is a cantrip.

We knew. Okay. But, you know, listeners be like, "You can't just make fire, dude." I've been doing that with a lot of vampires so far. Donovan will go to the... What's the window, like, covered for the sun? There were like magic sunglasses over it, right? Yeah, basically. Like, magic blue blockers. Yeah. Well, yeah, I guess Donovan will just like start seeing everyone's seemingly fine. He'll put his hand on Donovan's shoulder and like just seal up his little tiny weenie bite marks. And heal him up full. Thank you. I'm surprised I'm... I'm... We're all... We've all made it.

I... What... What was that? I... Wow. We had the gods on our side. Don't... You two don't... Don't go doubting them anymore. I never doubted that they exist or anything. It's a bit scary. I'll just clutch the amulet in my hand. Yeah, same. Donovan will clutch his. Let's still be careful. We don't know what else is in this castle. Yeah, could we probably take a minute to... ...recuperate and... Yeah. Yeah, I guess we go exploring or... I don't know. I didn't think past this part. I don't know if anyone of us did. Skal'narr raises... When she goes... Skal'narr is standing there with like the countess's head hanging from one... ...hanging by the hair from one hand and raises his other hand to say, "I've been thinking.

I have a couple of proposals. One is that we carry this with us for a while so that people can have the confidence that she is dead. And furthermore, that we are the ones who did it. So don't mess with us. The other? I suggest we liquidate the contents of this palace to rejuvenate and repair the town around it. The people have been dealt a great injustice. They deserve compensation." Yeah, that would be amazing. If we find some cool weapons or something. I mean, you might have to say a little bit. I mean, magic weapons would be wasted on the people, of course.

Exactly. But no, that would be, I think, the best. There is a lot of finery in here. I don't know if it will be enough to rejuvenate the town from what it's been through. But it will be a healthy start. It's a wonderful idea, Skolnar. People of Donher's can turn this place into something. It doesn't need to go back in the hands of the rich or whatever leader rules over Donher's. It can be some sort of cool museum. We should probably ensure that the fang disbands. Yeah, we gotta take care of those assholes. I think that this little trophy will convince them that it is in their best interest to scamper.

He shakes the head at them. Yeah, I mean, it's effective and it's a good idea to carry on. It's a bit gross, but... I'm not going to keep it forever. Long enough to make a point. A bathhouse. It could be a bathhouse. For like two points, because she's got fangs because she's a vampire. Skolnar gives you finger guns. Caster's kiss my thumbs up. So, I think this is the part where we do our triumphant heroes walk down the center street. Yeah, let's go talk to the fang and free the remaining ones. I feel like we slow motion walk out of the castle into the daylight like a bunch of hardcore heroes.

And then we all take a nap. Yeah. Guys, I think that's a good time to leave things off for the Ark. Congratulations. Hey, Ark! I'm so sorry about my math faux pas. Well, I mean... You are fine. That'll never make air. We really hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. It was a lot. Obviously there's a huge behind the scenes for this one. There were 37 cut pieces, all said and done. Bree worked very tirelessly on this episode. And if you want to know what it was like to record it, it's over at patreon.com/dandr. In the meantime, a new shirt is up in our shirt store.

You can find it at dandrpodcast.com. And we'll be working on a bunch of stuff as the Ark closes. There's going to be a big extended rest for the end of this month. And we're working on doing something like a marathon in September. We'll give you a little bit more info on that just as soon as we get all the schedules nailed down. So thank you guys so much. We will see you next week with a brand new episode. And everybody take care and stay healthy.