The Black Hand

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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And of course, Patreon, you get a whole bunch of extra content every single week. Again, we can't thank you guys enough for your support. It allows us to do what we do each and every month. The party left the Blacktip Forest. They found a book that just might contain a secret that could weaken or even kill Lauren if they managed to square off with her. Unfortunately, there was some sort of supernatural presence following them. In an effort to make up some time, Braelyn helped the group teleport twice, covering hundreds of miles in just a few moments. The party met the group of paladins just outside of Brightport.

And that's where we pick up things today. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table. Starting with Alex. Hi, I'm Alex, and I play Braelyn, the Halfling Bard. And Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie, and I play Elena, the Human Fighter. And Jameson. Hi, I'm Jameson, I play Larg, the Half-Orc Zealot. And Karen. Hi, I'm Karen, and I play Kali, the Elven Druid. And Jamie. Hi, there. I'm Jamie, I play Tatyana, the Human Rogue. And Ian. Ian here, and I am and have always been your half-elf frosty boy, Cauldronhalek.

Last but certainly not least, Izzy. Hey, I'm Izzy, and I play Una, the Half-Elf Paladin. [APPLAUSE] Woo! Bink! So, my God, this is the last one, guys. Whatever happens tonight is just what happens. I'm nervous. This is... So, you guys have teleported into the area here. You're outside of Brightport. You're far away from the Blackhand and everything, but you're right next to these paladins. You are... It's basically, boom! You flash, you're there. Horses are stirred up, and it's a huge surprise. How would you guys react to this? Because it's got to be a bit of relief.

You're exactly where you wanted to be. The spell couldn't have gone better, and it could have gone so much worse. How would Brailin be feeling? First, I would, as we pop out, or pop back into existence here, next to all these horses and paladins, he's going to look around for a second and scan their faces, and he's going to turn to the party and say, "Ha ha! You're welcome!" Thank you, Brailin. On point, as always. And that headband looks really good on you. I'm not going to lie. Oh, yeah, I have your... I forgot about that. He's going to adjust it. It's not...

Easy, easy work. And he's going to turn around so he's not facing the party. He's going to be like, "Holy moly." If memory serves, you could have been in the ocean. You could have been 100 feet in the air. You could have... A lot of things could have gone wrong. Yeah, based on what you were saying. Caren could have finally teleported through a tree. How dare you? Yeah, I remember the two rules. Yeah, it was very stressful. Well, there's some good news. One, it appears as though there's this campsite set up because the paladins probably got here and then realized you're not...

You weren't here yet. And then they waited. And they waited. And they waited. So it's been days for them. I don't know about Una, but I imagine Julie would approach the group. Just... Like, this definitely was not the plan. You guys took horses. They figured you'd just ride in and... But there'd probably be a bit of concern. Are you OK? So when we first appeared, Larg would have probably been... When everybody was oriented on themselves, he probably would have noticed the camp and just kind of waved over toward the camp to be like, "Hey, we're here." So when Julie comes over, I guess he would be the one to kind of intercept that.

Be like, "Yeah, it took a little bit, but... Yeah, we're all right." Yeah, Una would definitely come wandering up and be like, "This is not the arrival we expected." Yeah. There's a girl who's kind of walking after us. There was a whole dream vision thing. Anyway, we got this book, and we got like ten days before things go crazy. So you guys did OK, though? Nothing crazy? Yeah, Una would look at Julie like, "Did any of that make sense?" Oh, yeah, just totally shaking her head like, "Nope, not a word." But, I mean, the cool thing about traveling with a pack of, you know, 50-plus paladins is no one's gonna fuck with you.

Like, you're fine. Like, what are you gonna get, jump by fucking kobolds? Like, no one's gonna stop you as you streak across the road. Like, you're fine. I mean, the ring lady might come back. I don't know. Yes, but she'd be coming for you. Well, I mean, I would hide behind these 50 paladins until they all start doing, like, what was it, turn undead or whatever the hell they do. So what happened exactly? Well, it's kind of a long story, but we found where the Black Hand was, I guess, killed, and then she got un-killed. But we found a book about what she's trying to do, or it's also about how to stop her from doing it.

I'm not really... I'll be honest, I'm not really sure. And he'll kind of point to where Kaladin's holding the book. I assume Kaladin's still holding the book. Yeah, he lifts it up and he's like, "Yeah, she was un-killed by a demon, Darmok. He is now her master, and it is whom she now serves." She's after this book. Apparently it has a way of opening up, a way into the realm of demons. And I assume that's why she wanted it. But she's not going to get it. Not now and not ever. Soon as I would just be getting wider and wider as he's explaining this, and she'll point to the book and say, "That book?

That one right there." Yeah, and he'll hand it over. I mean, this is a book written by Paladins. Perhaps these Paladins know something about its origin or something. I'm going to let Elodra and Julie touch the book. Yeah, I was about to say, that might be the wrong Paladin. Not touching that shit. Well, let's do a little intelligence check in here. How about that? So as Julie takes the book, Larg will kind of just be like, "There's also some stuff in there that we want, though. So they told me I couldn't rip any pages out yet, but I don't know, it might still be a good idea." Okay, 20 is not bad at all.

First of all, she's going to say, "Don't ever rip any pages out of a book like this." Okay. Braillem jumps in, "That's why I told him that. That's what I said." Elaina looks away guiltily. "The best thing you could do is just seal it away, but that's not really an option right now." "All this does is give instructions for the rituals. If it's written somewhere else, then there's always a way to gain access to it. I'm guessing this was hidden, though?" Mm-hmm, that's correct. Hidden in plain sight and worded with arcane magic. And it comes with a fun guest.

What? Yeah, Braillem jumps in. Yeah, the woman Larg was talking about. There's a ghost or something worse than a ghost. It chased us. That's why I teleported us here. I could have done it the whole time, but she just kind of expedited the process. I don't think she can teleport, but she points whatever he thinks north is. She's a few days that way. So just keep some paladins on guard. I don't want to get ghostified or undead again, or re-dead, and he looks at Larg. "What can she do to us?" Like he's questioning, "What happens after a ghost kills us?" I don't know.

It should creep me out, though, so... Yeah, unsettling, a little unsettling. But yeah, there's something chasing us. I mean, it's walking pretty slow. I don't know if it's gonna catch up. The point is, when this is all done, we don't have all our problems solved. This will still need to be dealt with. There is, however, a ritual in here that we can perform on a few of us to gain some divine power, and hopefully bring down the Black Hand and any demons that she has with her faster. I'm all for divine power. I'll see what I can do about the ghost thing. We might be able to sever the ties so it can't find you.

Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah, that's... Good move, good move. Then it'll just be wandering the wilderness, untethered. But then it won't be, you know, when he looks to the rest of the group, it won't be following us, and then the ghost... There's a lot of nasty things out there, you know? Who's to say it wasn't already out there? Yeah. And, like, she's gonna look at Una and just like, "Okay, yeah, fair point. Let me look through the book. Maybe there's an answer for it. What's the plan, by the way? Are we going in now?" I mean, the sooner the better. How much time do you need to look through that book?

Give me the night. I'd like... I'd like to give you guys some options. First of all, can I get... Let me get a raw intelligence check from everybody. Even Mark. Ooh. Wow. We got a raw dog in. Damn, right. -Intelligence. -Oh. -Ooh, no. -Where am I? -I did my best. -Nice. Oh, that's a two. [LAUGHTER] Dirty 20, y'all. -Nice. -So smart today. Mark, you and I would be in the same, like, remedial math class, dude. [LAUGHTER] It's just all word problems. Yeah, and we're just like, "I don't get it!" Just like throwing books across the room. Tatiana, we're vibing. We're vibing.

I'm copping off your test, though. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, totally. [LAUGHTER] Oh, boy. So, yeah, let's go with Tatiana and Calvin here. Let's, um... So, you guys have a couple of options. You might have the element of surprise. Obviously, she has people everywhere keeping tabs on stuff, and there's a shitload of Paladins parked several miles away from Brightport. That probably didn't go unnoticed, but you never know. So, let's say you guys ran in on the 6th. The centennial is on the 15th. That's the big celebration, right? And you know that she has something planned for that day.

If you run in, you're probably going to have to fight her at or near her compound. And the only problem with that is, one, you're fighting her exactly on her turf. It would be heavily fortified, and you don't know what she has there, basically. If you waited for the day of the centennial, she's guaranteed to be out in the open. Probably heavily guarded, more guards than she's ever had previously, because she's out in the open, and that would be... They're both problematic, I guess, is what I'm saying. But here's what I can offer you. If you decide to wait, I can give you guys a couple of opportunities to sort of bolster yourselves, right?

Because both the paladins and her thugs have a raw amount of HP and attack power. Now, if you guys sat and strategized for a few days, I'm going to have you roll some dice, and we can maybe increase those numbers, or we could just go in like this. Totally up to you. I wonder if there's a way to draw her out. It sounds like a devil deal that is given to all of us, and not just Karen this time. Like a devil deal? Karen, what should we do? What would Karen do? What would Karen do, yes. I'm going to plead the fifth on this one. I resent the fact that it's called a devil deal.

I don't like how that hates me. I mean, it only affects you if you believe. We meant a darmok deal. Yeah, yeah. That's worse. Well, are we going in with the paladins altogether? I thought, yes. Yeah, they're going to be like our vanguard. They're going to use them to push, or at least keep most of the beef of her army busy, I think. What if we sent them and we went around, and they were distracting all of her whatever. So they're bait. Not bait, they're there to fight them off. I hope we're not saying this in front of their leaders. Yeah, it's like, okay, hear me out.

How about you go in first? Well, no, they're not bait. They're the feint, right? Like you go in like we're going to just try to break the doors down. And we do break the doors down, but then we also have a sneak attack. Yeah, the windows open and we go in that way, too. The tip of the spear. Yeah. Well, I think the first choice is going now or waiting. Yeah, waiting or not. Yeah, let's start with that. We'll tackle this like a programming tree. I mean, I'd love to be able to like, because this ritual boosts us up, right? I'd love to be able to at least do that.

And I think, how long does it take? I think it was like, it was a long time. Give it a day. Yeah, that's right. Okay. But it was a day. How long does that last? It lasts for the amount of time you need it. It would be hours for the combat. Right. But we couldn't like, I don't know what I'm asking, actually. So never mind. I get it. You're saying like, we couldn't do it here in Whitehead or camp or wherever we at. And then go. To make this easier, I'd say it would last a full 24 hours from when you do it. Okay. My other question about that is that you said, I think it affects like eight people.

Would the day long ritual affect all eight people at once? Or do we have to do like eight one day ritual? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Oh, good question. That would be silly. That would be very labor intensive. Yes. Okay. So we can choose eight people, do one ritual and be good to go. Yep. Okay, cool. I mean, there's already eight that I already know with us and Una and Julie. So I was kind of initially in favor of just going in now, but I kind of feel like we should wait until the day. Yeah. Like, my biggest hang up was that the longer we wait, the higher the probability that she knows we're here.

But she definitely already knows we're here. She does. So I don't know. Like, she's probably already bolstered her security because she assumes that we're coming. So I don't think necessarily going in now would really give us an advantage. Yeah, I agree. I don't think we should wait all ten days, though. Likewise. Yeah. Like, I don't want to wait till, like, the very last second. I don't know how long, Jason, you want us to do those things so we can have a better strategy. I don't know how long you want that to take. Okay. My thing is I don't want to overcomplicate it.

Right. So when I say wait till the day, I don't mean you show up fashionably late to the party. I'm thinking you're riding into town as the day dawns. You're ready to go. People are celebrating, but it's not. You know what I mean? You're not in risk of, like, missing something. Right. Is it at the celebration at full throttle or not? Yeah. Whether or not she's in her place or not in her place. Oh, that's right. Because then she would be outside. So we got to wait for the day. I mean, if you show up on next Tuesday, that's great. But she's still in her place. The decision is attack her on her home turf where she's most fortified or wait till she's out in the open.

But there's a hell of a lot of people around. That's the other thing. There might be a lot of casualties. Right. Well, there might be anyway. You're in a dense, like, you're in a dense ass city. How many of your Paladins can fly? All of them. Says it all to nonchalant. Then we're good. We're fine. We have an air force. We're good. We also have, like, 40 clerics of Vecna, don't we? Oh, that's right. We have some Vecnas. Our secret boys. Yeah. I don't let me be clear. I don't think they got along with the Paladins of Kord very well. They are the... Look, you met them.

They didn't have some fun. You're right. You've ever been to camp and you just vibe in camp? You know? No. They're gonna have to fucking get along now because we have to stop the world from aiming again. Yeah. Like, they'll totally heal and do weird Vecna shit. But, like, they're a little creepy and they're nerds. Perfectly harmless. I like the Goth nerds. Goth nerds is exactly what I would say. Yes. I was a Goth nerd. And every fucking one of these Kord people are wearing Letterman jackets and you're telling them, it's like, get along. Yeah. This is a fantasy world.

The Goth nerds and the jocks can totally get along and be totally cool with each other. Okay. So where are we staying or are we going? My vote is to wait. Okay. I think so, too. My vote is to wait. Okay. I agree. I want to wait, but I don't want to go. I think Elena brings up a good point. If she's out and about, there's a lot of casualties or a lot of possibility for casualties. There might be a way we can draw her out. I agree. The sooner we go, the better. But even if she's within her little fortress, there might be something we can do to draw her out. I don't know what that is yet.

Perhaps we offer her exactly what she wants. The book and the bell. And us. And us. Correct. I'm going to look a little like sus about this idea. And he's going to say showing her who has the bell in the book right before we throw down probably isn't the best idea. I mean, she gets her power from the shadows and from secrets. She is at her strongest when no one knows who she is and what she is doing. If we can bring that to light, if we can bring out what she has planned and the things that she has aligned with, then we break her stronghold on the city of Brightport.

What if we went in a day early and just cancelled the party? Just told everybody to stay home. We got martial law. Just wear a calendar and say, stay home. Oh, damn it. I'm going to see the problem is you'd be infringing on their liberties in Brightport, and they can't. They'll be at the city where they would fight that they'll be at the state house. Like, I want a haircut. Open up Walmart. Oh, God. I get some emails about that. Jason. Sorry. Yeah. I mean, a day early would be my main concern. This is Alex speaking, not a Braille, but like fighting in the fighting in her fucking her layer or her base.

We've been in. I have been there before. Right. Brannan and called in a been there before. It's a maze. I think Brandon will tell a large like we've been in her base before. It's not easy to navigate. You get lost. Our captain at the time had a map, and it couldn't even plot out the whole area because it was so large. Going in there and not knowing where she is already presents kind of a setback for us. Oh, I like going in a day early. I think that's good. Maybe trying to shut things down. If we have all this divine magic around us, perhaps even if we don't know exactly where the center she is in that labyrinth with all of these paladins, with all of these clerics, maybe we can use that divine energy to expel them in some way, like drowning a bunch of rats, and then they leave the sinking area.

If we can utilize that divine magic to push them out of their zone of comfort, that might be useful. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, too. I think that we do that, and then we win. Well, you know, facing evil never been on the top of my list, but I've never done it with 50 paladins before. He's going to look back. Hi, but I'm willing to try. Are we, like, at some sort of, like, clearing? Where are we talking about this? This is far off the side of the road where the crossroads is. So there's a whole campsite set up and stuff like that, because I think we're glazing over the fact that you guys got Hans on your side.

You got bulky to train people, and he's probably been trying to work with these clerics, in fact, and they're just not getting with the program. They can't do push ups for shit. Oh, Hans, don't make him do push ups, man. It's not push ups they need. No. Come on, man. Expect core strength. Yeah. In his head, it's like, well, you can flick a fireball further if we work on your arms. Like, we got to, like, they're going to end up getting Tommy Johns on all the goddamn elbows. Somehow he's managed to find a way to give them all swirlies. There's a nearby river.

It's fine. Hans, you beautiful himbo. Yeah. All right. Day early is the new heading. I think that sounds really I think that's a great idea. Okay, so here's what I want. I'm going to get there's going to be a lot of dice rolls tonight, but here's what we're going to do. We're going to fast forward time. It is going to be the 14th of duel. It's the day before. I want. I want to do it. I want to do it. I want to do it. I want to do it. Good, single digits. That's what we bought. 9,000 damage, right? So... You're about to lose a lot of paladins, right now. Yeah, this isn't looking good.

Yeah, well, we don't know what the hand's working with. But let's be honest, it's probably not raw hit points. It's probably... They're probably more assassins. So we'll see how this plays out. But here's what we're going to do. In combat, twice per round, we're going to check in with the paladins and the hand's thugs. And we're going to have them roll against each other, and slowly but surely, those hit point totals are going to go down. The more you shave off of the gang's hit point total, the more buffs and boosts you're going to get in combat. Likewise, the more they shave off of the paladins, the more buffs and boosts the hand and her men are going to get during combat.

Do the clerics come in at any point to help with that? I'm assuming that both sides have... I'm assuming both sides have some clerics, but that is one of the buffs or boosts you're going to get at a certain point. At a certain point in combat, someone's going to start whipping around big spells. Big, nasty spells that are really bad in a downtown, urban environment. A lot of shit's going to be on fire by the end of this combat. Let's not kid ourselves. Oh my gosh. So I apologize ahead of time? Why? I'm going to ask you guys now, before we head in, because it sounds like the plan is that Una, Julie, and the paladins are going to be the front force and try to beat things back, and you're going to try and confront the hand, the group is, right?

Yeah, I think so, but is there any way to sort of just surround her and everyone channel divinity or something on the area so we can make it a bad place for evil things to be? I mean, you can attempt that. You could definitely try. So you want to surround her compound? Yeah, we could surround around there and have everyone that has this divine magic do their divine magic stuff. You want to sanctify a demon hole? Basically, yeah. Something like that. So that they don't want to be in there anymore and they have to come out. You want to smoke her out. Smoke them out, exactly.

That's not a bad idea, but I don't know if you remember the way he described the building, but it was like, it's touching a bunch of other buildings. So if you go the old school route of just like, you know, slash and burn and try to smoke her out, we might burn literally like an entire city block. Well, I don't mean actually burn with fire. You mean like divine stuff? Yeah. I mean, if we had maybe a handful of clerics we took from the group and brought them with us maybe, but I don't know, or some Vecna guys. We could definitely try it. What do y'all think?

I mean, it's a way to get her out. I'm down for whatever is going to have her have the least amount of protection possible. And so if we can get her out of there without a lot of bodyguards or whatever that she most definitely does have, I'm in. Yeah, I think we should try. I think we should bring like half a dozen Vecna guys with us past that frontline vanguard that's going to clash with whatever's out there and then try sanctifying, I guess, the building that she's in or the labyrinth or something. Whatever we can do to push her out. I think that's a good plan, Ian.

Okay. One last question. How would you guys be spending the time just before heading into the city? That ritual, right? Yeah, we're doing that ritual for the show. Not mechanically. I mean, would you guys be saying anything to one another? What would Una be thinking this entire time? I mean, it sounds like it's one of those situations where there's a lot of confidence all around, but there's going to be something that nobody's expecting and ready for and it's going to be very brutal and bloody. So I don't think Una would be too overconfident or even try to pump anyone up too much.

Like, "Hey, watch your fucking backs out there. Things are weird." I think Brelin would ask Una. So, I mean, not to bring up old wounds or anything, but there's a story that I remember somebody telling me about you and he looks back at the rest of the paladins and some of these guys went out and killed a dragon. Any tips? On fighting dragons. I mean, like, you know, on staying alive in very hectic and dangerous encounters. I mean, yeah, I saved the world once with Kaladin and that wasn't so hard. We had a pretty good captain at the time, but this one's a little different.

We're going to my hometown and there's going to be a lot of probably innocent bystanders involved and buildings are going to break. I mean, how do you focus on what you have to do in a situation like that? I mean, to be honest, I didn't survive that fight. So take everything I'm about to say with a grain of salt. But just forget about the collateral. Forget about the buildings. Forget about yourself and fight. He'll look at the ground. I forgot that we carried your body to get it revived. I completely forgot about that. OK. Well, good talk. Good luck out there.

If I make it out of this and you make it out as well, I'll definitely make a new song for you about you. One that's a little bit better than you dying. Well, I appreciate that, but I think if anyone gets through this, then we're all going to need a song written about us because this is going to be a bad one. OK. Yeah, sounds good. Do you reach for a shoulder pat, but then gets kind of intimidated and just kind of does that really soft shoulder punch and then walks away? Solid. Solid man right there. To whomever in general. Paladins standing nearby. Well, what was that?

Oh, never mind. How are you all feeling about this now that we're here at the end? I'll be honest. Kind of afraid. I mean, Blackhand has been dogging us for two years and she hasn't succeeded. I guess I can hold on to that. I mean, Braelyn kind of looks at Colin. Well, I mean, technically, and he looks at Larg, she succeeded once. Right? I mean, it didn't take, obviously, but like, you know. I mean, I'm kind of like grin a little bit, like understanding the comment, but not really necessarily seeing the humor in it. I'm just going to say. I mean, I've died a couple of times now, maybe three depends on what counts, but not afraid of that anymore.

I think if the whole point of me, of us is to stop this. Even if it doesn't end with everybody leaving. I still think it's worth it. Because on the other side, we've met Vecna. I've met Arathis. It's nothing to be afraid of, but while we're here, we stop this. Braelyn looks at Larg. You sure you're not a bard? That's kind of a thing I do, what you just did right there. What did I do? Kind of like look around. You gave us hope, Larg. I think that's what you did. Well, maybe that's all we need. Are we ready to head in? Can I do one quick thing before we go? Absolutely.

In response to Larg's saying, Tatiana is sort of like sitting there fiddling with this small folded worn piece of paper that she's had since the mountaintop. And she's just going to say, "I don't think I'm scared of the other side, but it's who I'd leave behind." And this is the letter that she wrote when we all thought we were going to die. And she's going to hold it up so that everyone can see it, and she's going to put it in her front breast pocket. And say, "Just in case." Just in case. And if anything happens... Well, I guess if anything happens, there's nothing else we can do.

We have to succeed. We must succeed. What do they say at any cost? They put on their fucking spacesuits before they time travel? I've really enjoyed traveling with all of you. I know it's had its ups and downs and many, many downs. But I'm glad to be here with you in the end. Thank you for all the kindnesses that you've shown me. Thank you for the understanding. Even when I started going down a wrong way, thank you for leading me back. Especially you, Braylin. You are and always have been my longest and dearest friend. He'll nod. Yeah, I mean... Anytime. Just, when this is over, if I see you kill another rabbit or a horse or something...

We're gonna have words. Not even for dinner or something? No, man, you can buy those. You don't have to kill them anymore. Okay, okay. I'm just saying... You take from the land. That kill is your responsibility. On the mountain, that's how it's done. You don't buy things off of a store. Man, the mountain... You keep talking about the mountain. It doesn't sound like a great place, but I'll take your word for it, man. I will take you there. I'll take you all there when we come back from this. That's not a threat. To Larg, it is. He keeps dying on mountains. You all still have Zoidberg.

Larg, you'll like this one. We'll go for a hike. It will be crisp and brisk. You'll be able to see the city of Winterhaven from its peak. And see the city in all of its glory. It will be fantastic. He looks skeptical, but doesn't say anything. (Laughing) I'll win you over one day. Alright. Oh, wait. I have... Elena wants to do something. Go right ahead. I'm very excited. Okay. So, after that conversation sort of died down a little bit, when Tatiana took out her letter, Elena was like staring at the letter really hard. And once the conversation is kind of over, she's gonna walk a few feet away.

And she's going to look around in her pack. And she finally, like at the very bottom, finds a piece of paper. Because she does... That seeing Tatiana's letter like triggered something for her. So, she opens up the letter and she reads it. But she's even more confused than before. So, she's just going to fold it back up and put it at the bottom of her pack. Aww. Incredible. I know. Thank you everybody. (Clapping) Easy to fill you in. Elena's cursed to forget her parents ever existed. But slowly. Fun. Just in case Elena dies. Like, there's some sort of development on that storyline.

God damn. Did that happen in the story? Or did you just come about like that? Oh no, a demon actually did that to me. A demon lord. One of the big boys. In this case, the big mama. Who you punched in the face or something? You stabbed? That I stabbed a couple of times, yeah. So, she did that. That'll do it. Sounds like brutal though. Honestly is, I think. I think we're good. I think you can go get some rest. Awesome. Thank you very much. This is hella fun though. Thank you for having me. Thank you Izzy. Thanks Izzy. Nice hanging out. I'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Bye.

Now the rest of you. Damn. Done, done. I imagine a long, somewhat silent ride. As you are making your way to Brightport. You get past the main gates here. The city almost kind of swallows you up as you go in. It's just, you have stalls and vendors. You see houses built on top of each other. The further you go in, the more densely packed everything is. And where you're heading is pretty much the most densely packed area of the city. At all. It's really, it's where the poorest people live. And one by one the paladins are going to start to break off. And you're going to ride fairly close.

You're like a block away from the Black Hands compound. And you're going to start to surround the area. Now this area is so big that it's, there's a decent space in between each paladin. And I'm imagining, unless I'm incorrect, you guys are somewhere near the front doors. As much as there are front doors to be around, yes. Yeah, it's not like you leave a package or something like you knock. It's more like, there's kind of these makeshift gates, there's guards posted everywhere. You can see people in the windows with crossbows. You can see people out front.

There are definitely eyes on you. What's your move here? Uh... We're here for Lauren. The Black Hand. She's the only one we want. We don't want to hurt or kill any others in this place. Bring her out so that we may have words. So to be clear before we start any of this, you guys have a long rest. Thank you. Uh, you did the ritual. So you're ready to go in terms of the fight. These guards are going to kind of, like these guys sitting around here are going to kind of giggle. Like just like... Fuck you. Right, but they... And then they're going to send kind of this smaller runtier person inside to deliver your message.

And moments are going to tick by, and then eventually, Lauren is going to walk out and start to approach the group in the open. And she's going to walk right up to Keldon. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't remember having you on the books for an appointment today. First of all, six feet apart. Second of all... But my liberties. I kill her. I read on the scroll that if you wear a mask, it actually inverts your lungs and it can kill you. They pop out of your mouth. Yeah, I heard that one too. I believe that scroll QAnon. Jesus. Okay, stop. That's the last one.

We're done with that. No more, no more. This is an appointment that you cannot miss. Submit yourself to us and the paladins here. And no violence will come to anyone that serves you. We know who you serve. And we know the plans that you have for this world. Do you all feel this way? Or is this a shock to everyone in your party? Is she asking us this? Yeah, kind of like glancing around. Just make sure that you're all on the same page. Braelyn looks around at her. Really? You're going to... That...really? That's what you're going to say right now. When I watch someone make such a catastrophic mistake, I like to give them a chance to walk it back.

Now, I have a big day planned tomorrow. And I would really rather not do this in front of everyone. But I'm not going anywhere with you. And I think you know that deep down. As a matter of fact, I've been chasing you for quite a while. I sent some really high priced assassins after you. I hope you got your money back. [Laughing] Snaps. It snaps. [Laughing] I see that you brought friends. And I'm sure you're feeling really confident right now. But you're not going to stop what's happening tomorrow. And if you force my hand, I'll just move things up a day. Do you want to see Jamie and Sandra?

Do you want to see Maxwell? There's...her face is going to contort for just a moment. There's kind of a general air of ease about her most of the time. And...she's going to narrow her eyes and look deep into Kalvaz. That was another life. And what's done is done. Now I'm going to give you one more chance. You can take your friends. And you can go home. Or we can do this in front of everyone now. There is a way you can see your family again, Lauren. But it is not this path. You will need to renounce your ties with the demons. You will need to give that up. And you cannot hold this world accountable for your vengeance.

Your pain and your misery. There is a way to see them again. We know that way. But it is not like this. I am giving you this one chance. To see them again. I'm going to need a persuasion. But it's going to have to be high. Okay. Hold on. Do you have inspiration? I do not. But I do have a natural one. You know what? It wasn't meant to be. The dice want us to fight. I was going to say, imagine if it just ends now. It's like, that's it, guys. We did it. That's how you beat New Vegas. That's one of the ways you can beat New Vegas. The game was rigged from the beginning.

Do you think I haven't looked into this? Are you so naive to think that I haven't investigated every book and scroll given to me? You're not the first person to promise this. So I'm going to settle for the next best thing. Tomorrow afternoon, or today, if you push me. I'm formally taking control of this city. And I will march down every street and eradicate anyone whom I deem fit. You've been to this city. You've seen who lives here. Do you think my story is isolated? Do you think that doesn't happen every single day here? And they're celebrating tomorrow.

But they've accomplished something. I'm going to give them a reason to celebrate. Now leave. Is she within grabbable touching distance? You could, yeah. I would like to grab her. I would like to try and freeze her from the inside. God, okay. [sighs] I'm going to need you to try and grabble. Okay. I know that's not your strongest, but-- Nope. But you just wrote it once and now you're due. Yeah, we'll start with the grapple. We'll see how that goes. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Oh. Fifteen? Strunk boy. We did 11 pushups before this. Thank you. They really counted. Thank you, Hans.

I silently pulled Hans aside and was like, "Hey, can I at least--" We flashed back to, called in like, "Hans, I really need some motivation. Could you just yell at me while I do 10 pushups?" One-armed pushups. Oh my God. Okay, what is her-- It's not great. Nine, you're going to grab her. So you're going to grab her and you're going to hear-- You're going to hear a lot of movement in front of you, like behind her. And you know, for a fact, this is your shot. You could hurt her or maybe kill her. But no matter what happens, there's a fight coming. Mm-hmm. Yep.

Okay, so, maybe. Do you remember how this works? Yeah, she's got to-- I think she's got to do a saving throw? She does have to do a saving throw, yeah. I'm going to spend some sorcery points to impose disadvantage on that. Let me see how many it is. Yeah, three sorcery points. I'm going to really turn up the juice on this spell. And then the saving throw, I think-- I can't remember what skill it is. It might be constitution? I believe so, yeah. Yeah, constitution. Okay. The saving throw is-- I'll tell you right-- 17. She's going to cast Counterspell. Oh, for fuck's sake. [laughter] So, if she fails this, then the spell-- then I have to do that.

Anyway, so. Oh, God. Make the ability check using-- Where's my spellcasting ability? Oh, my God, this thing's so big. Thank you. It's so girthy. I've never had any complaints. So she gets a plus five. Oh, she's smart. That tracks. Yeah. Huh! 18. So that-- it's going to cancel the spell. Okay. She's still grappled by you. I'm going to need everyone to do me a favor and roll initiative. Here we go. Woo-hoo! Oh, nice! Thank you! No, where's my initiative? Oh, here it is. Cooper, scooper. Oh, come on, y'all. I need y'all in the front, man. You can't have me to go first. Stab her in the neck.

Elena, do you want me to go first before you hand me? I'll give you something. Sure. I'm just excited. I haven't gotten this high of an initiative in a while. Same here. That's true. You're always last, I feel like. Yeah, it's been bad luck. So are you ready for the biggest fucking map? Oh, God. Oh, my God. I made one today to kind of-- in any event, I was ready for what you guys were going to do and I wanted to have-- Those look like champions and assassins to me. Mm-hmm. Oh, no. If you highlight over them, it tells you their name. They're not-- oh, no. Oh, no.

These are named characters? No, no, they have-- I've run-- I recently-- I run a Wildman game. I've used these guys. How'd it go? They did OK. Well, I mean, it's a smaller team, so I adjust things. But if these are Therian adjusted, I can only imagine the pain and anguish they can cause. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I need up up, so-- Oh, man. OK, hold on. This map is taking a while to load. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's big. I basically just modeled a few city blocks. [laughter] Oh, it's like the place in WoW. You can zoom into the sewer. Fuck, yo. Oh, my God. [laughter] Yeah, her hideout is very organized.

Oh, I like it. I like this fountain. I wish I could see it. It's coming. It's coming, yeah. Who's this fountain? Who is this fountain? Like, what's the-- what's the carving here? Probably the Arathis, I would assume. Oh, yeah, we got the gears. I'm guessing, because it's a city. It's one of the bigger cities, right? Fun. Oh, my gosh. Ooh. The map is so big. We're all like, oh, my gosh, this is great. And Lauren's just slicing our throats. Where are we? Oh, Jason, this is so cool. Really, zoom in. This is big. You did an incredible job. Thank you. Well, if we need to run, we've got plenty of room.

Oh, there it goes. Oh, yeah, you got-- just-- yeah. Just a few blocks is fine. Nothing crazy. Oh, is that-- did someone lose an earring in these cobblestones? Oh, wow. I-- that's-- the level of detail is amazing. So this is a lower res version, because I knew it would take 20 minutes if I did it at a higher res. So I figured-- I was keeping, like, Valerie in mind. I'm like, OK, well-- well, yeah. [laughter] Oh, God. It's true, though. Oh, God. Are we ready? Are we ready to do this? I think so. Did they roll initiative yet? Oh, God, yeah. Yeah, so-- I mean, I can just stay down there.

It's fine. I think it does not roll for a round. We don't need it. NPCs. I'm assuming the Drow assassins are fast. Wait, Jason, I have a question. Yes? Are more people going to be added to this? Because I got to know if I need to, like, keep the map big or not. You'll know if they get added. OK. That's a yes. That's a-- that's probably-- that's a probably. [laughter] We'll have to rearrange things. Sorry. How are the paladins going to work? So twice a round-- Huh? --they're going to be at the top of the round and midway through. OK. Yeah, we're going to check in on things and just start flicking damage at each other, because the way I figure this is the second-- actually, you know what?

Let's do it now. You're going to try-- you're going to grab her. And the instant you do that, you're going to hear the match, like, go off, right? Like, powder kick. Blam. People are going-- the paladins are going to spring into action. The-- all these, you know, we have assassins and, you know, like, paladins, thugs, clerics. Like, all people from all walks of life kind of work here and guard this place. And you're just going to hear clattering and smashing, windows being busted, and swords clanging against shields and just, like, just screaming. And you're going to hear people run toward the Blackhand to try and protect her.

And to kick things off, let's start with the paladins and the Blackhand thugs. Now, the paladins have 3,000 health. The Blackhand thugs have 2,500. However, the paladins are doing 20d10 every time we check in on them. And the Blackhand thugs are doing 20d12. So they have a slight advantage. So what we're going to do is we're going to-- we're just going to roll damage on each other because that's the first thing you're going to see is just these two groups of people just swarm against each other. So let's start with the paladins. The paladins are going to do 112 damage.

Oof, get them. Three. The Blackhand thugs are going to do 126 damage. Oof. Only marginally better. Could have been way worse. There's a lot of ones in there. And that is going to bring up Braylon. Okay. Uh, hold on. I'm a little confused here. Okay, oh, okay, there we go. I couldn't find our initiative tracker. All right, Braylon's going to look to Tatyana-- I'm sorry, to Elena, and he's going to grab her by her shirt from however low he is and pull her down, and he's going to look right in the face, and he's going to say, "You're one of our best hopes. Please kill something and kill more of something." And he's going to give her Bardic Inspiration as a bonus action.

Uh, and then he's going to let go of her, nod, turn, and face-- How far is she? 5'10". 5'10". 25, 30. 5'10". 15, 20. 25, 30. Oh, perfect. Ahem. Pull out his loot, bite his thumb, make it bleed, play on the loot, and play-- What would be a good riff here? You know what? We were talking about Back to the Future earlier. He's going to play Power of Love. Oh, classic. And cast Bane. At least, attempt to cast Bane on Lauren and the two, uh-- I'm going to call them Dark Paladins, because that's essentially what they are. So let me troll-click. They're just paladins with different beliefs than you.

Yeah. They're angry. They're very angry. They're alt-right paladins. Oh, come on. Zai! Zai! I'm sorry! I'm casting it. -Magadins. -Huh? Mag-- What just-- wait. Oh, Lauren succeeded. Yeah, but the two black guards did not. The two black guards did not. All right. So, let me unclick them. -Uh, he finishes-- -She's supposed to have advantage? Against magic? Yeah. -Yeah. -Oh, okay. She's special. She's very special. Which is fine. I kind of figured. Uh, and I'm going to-- Do I need to click the Effect button? Yes. While I have them chosen, or just click it? Uh, you should just be able to click it, and they should have automatically unchose-- Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Do that. Okay. -Okay. -Done. Blam. He finishes the spell, and he looks at Lauren, and she kind of just, like-- I assume she kind of just, like, tilts her head sideways, and in his eyes, he knows the magic did not work on her. But he sees the two beefy boys in the back, and he sees them kind of struggling, or at least feeling uncomfortable, and he's like, "Okay. It's working." Uh, that's it for me. Elena. Okay. Can I be first reminded what Bardic Inspiration does? Secondly, uh, you, because I am level 10 now, you get a d10 to use. Within the next 10 minutes, the creature can roll the die and add the number roll to one ability check, attack roll, or saving throw that it just made.

You can wait until after it rolls the die for the ability check, the attack roll, or saving throw, but before, Jason tells you whether or not it succeeds or fails. You can only use it once, and then it disappears. Okay. Also, Jason, I'm gonna move. I want to get the hell-- I'm way too close, so I'm gonna move. That's fair. Right, duh. Or at least write "adjacent" from lard. When does the, uh, effect on the blackguards end? Is it, like, till the end of the, uh, combat, or, like, for the next turn? Uh, Bane lasts one minute. I think they have to save out of it, or is it one minute?

One minute. Uh, hold on, let me see. So they have to make the Charisma saving throws whenever they attack. Got it. Okay. Never a target that fails a saving throw-- Nope, never mind. They don't get to roll out of it. Oh? It just lasts a minute. Is Bane concentration? It is not. Oh! Damn. Sexy. That's good to be a bard. Okay. Well, I'm gonna go over to one of the assassins. Let's just start attacking everybody. Like, I don't know. I like it. That's a good plan. I like that. Just pull the ripcord on the buzzsaw and let it go. Or, like-- Beyblade! Shoot your shot. Now, call it.

Call it now. Ooh, oh, ooh, fun! Fun! Okay. I like this. Um, Jason. Yes? Is Drow SS in one, like, holding anything? Like, their weapon? Yeah, like, what's their weapon? Uh, probably a nasty-ass dagger. Okay. Uh, well, I'm gonna see if I hit, and then if I hit, I'm gonna do something. I wonder what you're gonna do. Listen, I've never been able to use it before. Well, let's do it! We're usually fighting monsters that don't hold things. That's true. Okay, so first we're gonna attack and see what happens. Okay. Please. Eighteen will hit. Perfect. I'm going to use Disarming Attack.

I know. Um, uh, let's see. I add the--so I roll a Superiority die. It's gonna drop one item of my choice that it's holding. I add the Superiority die to the attack's damage roll, and the target must make a Strength saving throw. On a failed save, it drops the object, so they still have to make a Strength saving throw. Oh, Jesus. Uh, what's the DC? Ooh, DC 20. Wait, what? Yeah. Whoa. We can go through the math, but I know I have it written out. Is it based off your Strength? Yeah. Holy shit. I love that we can do the math, but believe me. No, 'cause, like, I don't know what I'm doing, but I did the math, like, a while ago, and I think I did it right.

Like, I could have very well have done it wrong. I kinda wanna do the math. 20. Yeah, no, let's do the math. Absolutely. At level 10, that's insane. It'd be quicker just to lop his arm off. Can we do that? That's what we're trying to do. You said "Disarming Attack." Uh, I'll take it. Thank you. That'll be my lowest joke of the night. [laughing] Oh, "Maneuver Save DC." Eight plus your Proficiency bonus, which is four, so it's 12, right? Plus, go back to it, plus my Strength or Dexterity modifier, which is my choice, so I'm choosing Strength, and my modifier--oh.

That's cool. It said 16. Sorry, I was doing it for a Strength saving throw. Oh, okay. That's 'cause I saw the plus eight, and I was like, "It's plus eight," but you're right, a modifier is the other one, so it's plus four. Okay. So it is a DC of 16. I'm very sorry, everybody. No! Not a problem. Here's the thing. I'm glad we did the math. That's still crazy high. Like, I just--it's like 20. That's insane. Those are 4e numbers. All right. That's like god tier. Oh, shit, he's gonna roll a one. He's gonna roll a one anyway on the Strength save. His arms just fall off. Yeah, it's like, "Oh." He stopped a while ago.

He's like, "Oh, I don't wanna do the math. I believe you. It's 20." And he's just gonna fuckin' roll over. You know what? These guys are weird. I'm done. You know what team meetings are? Like, we have to do the--oh, my god. We have to chant? Yeah, it's like Walmart. So he's going--he's gonna drop this dagger, and he's gonna clatter onto the cobblestone and spit, just kind of like, bluh-bluh-bluh, like, just five feet away from him somewhere in there. Perfect. If it landed in his foot. With a one? He's gonna roll a one. Just for flavor. Just for flavor. He's gonna go, "Oh." [laughter] Okay, and then I have the +4 added already, and so I will do damage.

Ooh, 13's good. Um, so then--actually, let me make sure I cross that off, and we're gonna attack him again. Mm-hmm. 21'll hit. Perfect. Yeah, okay, I'm just gonna do damage on this one. Ten. Solid. Perfect, and that is my turn. Oh, that assassin's gotta be pissed. Uh... Yeah, his arms fell off. Yeah. [laughter] Jesus. Drow assassin two. Oh, yeah, I can get here. Let's do that. I knew it. I mean, come on, you're grabbing his boss. Yep, yep, it totally tracks, but I knew it. It's inappropriate. Um... [laughter] Two short sword attacks. Uh, against Mr. Kalz and Hamel. Wow.

Ten's gonna miss. Oh, he gets a plus two because of Warren, but still gonna miss. Uh... One more. Wah! Hey! I'm going to use Cutting Words as a reaction, burning a Bardic Inspiration to roll a D10 and subtract it from the total. Oh, shit. Ooh! Thank you. Minus nine from that, please. Oh, wait, that's too many. Twenty-three minus nine is... Fourteen. Fourteen probably won't hit you, right? That does not hit my AC. Oh! All right. Cyburna, a second Bardic Inspiration as he calls out like, "Oh, Y'shuu, watch out!" [laughter] Thank you, my friend! Oh, that poison damage would have sucked.

I remember. I have flashbacks of when they slit Lark's throat. Yeah. They're nasty. Yeah. Blackguard number two. Oh, boy. Oh, boy, oh, boy. Let's start small. Let's do this. Blackguard is going to approach. Uh... Go approach Calli! I'm an innocent bystander, sir. [laughter] He's going to make three Glaive attacks. What the fuck? What the what? Yeah, you guys are gross. I told you. Three? Three. And he gets a plus two because his buddy's standing next to him. And you. One! Ah, ah. Jesus, even with Bane, it's a 20. [laughter] Dirty. Rip. Six damage. Oh. Oh, man. Attack number two with the Glaive.

Fifteen, even with negative three from the Bane! Uh, that'll hit. And, oof, max damage, 14. Max damage. Uh, oh, cool. He's got one more. Okay, let's do it. Ten's going to miss. Okay. Thank God. That Bane finally took its toll. Larg, you are up. Okay, so Larg is going to wrap the butt of his hammer on the cobblestone and he's going to light up Sacred Weapon. It's going to give him a charisma bonus to his attacks. And then he's going to touch his weapon to Tatiana. Tatiana, what do you have out? Do you have your bow out? Do you have your daggers out? Or dagger? My bow.

Yeah, dagger. Yeah. So he'll basically wrap it on the ground and then he'll stretch it across to where she is and her bow will light up in a similar way with sort of white holy energy. And he'll kind of look at her from underneath his helmet and say, "Don't stop until she's dead. She's the only thing that matters." And then that was an action and a bonus action and then I'm just going to take my move to put myself here and actually put myself between Lauren and this other blackguard number one. And that's my turn. Okay, that's strategic. Speaking of Tatiana, I don't know why I said it like that.

I'm so sorry. Tatiana is going to give Lark a solemn nod before she pulls up her bow and see, now you make me want to just attack Lauren by saying that, Lark. I believe that was the intent. Yeah, so I think that's what I'm going to do. Sorry, I'm trying to keep up with what's happening in the chat too, but I'm just going to do this first and then I'll catch up later, so hiya! [chuckles] Oh, I didn't actually cast the spell well, so that didn't matter. No, I refute this roll. I will use my inspiration to read your roll. Are you sure? I mean, I feel like five rolls on the table, so yeah, I'm going to do it.

Yeah. That's probably smart. Okay. So how do I get rid of my inspiration point? Just uncheck this probably. Yeah, just uncheck that. You're good. Clink! Because we did roll on the fumble table and it was bad, so don't do that. Okay. Watch me get it again, though. No way. 24 will hit. Phew. Yeah. And is she engaged with somebody else right now? Oh, yes, quite so. Okay, so I can do my sneak attack damage after I do my regular damage. Yes. You can do your sneak attack damage now. It's fine. Go ahead. Well, there's the regular. Okay. And then if I go, I think I'm at 5D... 6.

Jesus. 23 damage. My God. She's going to scream in pain. I imagine you've got to hit her like somewhere in the upper chest/shoulder area, somewhere in there. Like your collarbone. Yeah, like right up in there. Yeah, she is... she is... yeah, that hurt. Okay. And that will end my turn, and Tatiana's just going to give a look over to Larg. Like, yeah. Oh, boy. Well. So he's got no weapon in his hand. How's about this? He's going to try and move and get his weapon. If I get a high enough Dex check, and he's going to continue his turn like nothing happened. If I fail this Dex check, his turn ends and he's just... the biggest thing he'll accomplish is grabbing his weapon again.

Does that sound fair? Yeah. Now the weapon is right at his feet. Yeah, but like... you know what I mean? Like, he can't just bend down again. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking like a 14. But he has really high dexterity. 15? I don't know. I don't know how numbers work. I'm going to say 15. 17! Let's try... Ugh. Let's try and stab you. Okay? Okay. 24 would hit. Well, shit. During its first turn, the assassin has advantage on attack rolls against any creature that it hasn't taken a turn. Okay, you already did, yeah. And he hit the assassin's scores against the surprise creature.

Oh, you're not surprised. Oh, well. That would have been cool though, right? No. From experience, no. No, it was okay. Boom! Eight damage, and can I get a constitution saving throw, please? Uh-oh. We're looking for 15 or higher. Cons... Oh, that's on the main page. And I have something about saving throws. We'll see. Nine. You can add a d10 to that. Yeah, I can reroll a saving throw that I fail. Wait, any saving throw? Oh, indomitable. Yeah, indomitable. Oh, shit. Okay, go for it. So, we'll use that for this and save the d10 for something else. Okay. 21, you're fine. Aha!

It's gonna attack one more time. 13's gonna miss, and we'll move on. Oh, wait, if he missed? Yes. He should've missed. We will not move on. I'm gonna use repost and attack him. Okay. And then if I hit, I get to do stuff. So, I'm still... Okay, attack. Uh-huh. 11's gonna miss. You have that bardic inspiration. Should I use the bardic inspiration for this, though? It'd be funny, but like... They nasty boys. Yeah, okay. So, I'll use the bardic inspiration. So, I roll a d10, right? Uh-huh. And then that gets added? Uh-huh. That'll hit. 19. Perfect. So, now... And I get to add this priority die to the attack's damage roll.

So, I'll roll another d10. So, I get to add six damage, and then we hit him. 13 damage to the assassin. Could've been more, but it is something. Well, isn't it 19 'cause you added the d10? No, I already added it. Got it. I got it. Let's check in with the paladins and the thugs. (laughs) Paladins first are gonna deal... 120 damage. Pal-ese. Thugs are gonna deal... 122 damage. It's a tight fight. Callie, you are up. Hello. Hi. I'm just gonna go for an oldie but a goodie. We're gonna create an old-fashioned tidal wave, guys. Oh, yes. And it's gonna hit Drow-Assass number two and Blackguard number two.

No. No. Oh, yes. No, thanks. It failed, so... 'Cause my DC is a 17. But it rolled once, and it has evasion. Whatever. It's fine. Oh. You wanna roll again for your... Well, I mean... Assassin. No. It's a DC 17. I know. It's probably not gonna happen, but, you know. Unless I roll a Chris! Oh, man. He weaved in between every droplet of water. It's amazing. (laughs) I mean, he still takes half damage, so... That's fine. That's fine. Guys don't like to get wed. So what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna unselect him, 'cause technically he failed it, and I don't want him to take full damage, so you'll just have to do the math yourself.

That's fine. That's fine. 15. So it's a 7 to hit. Um, gorgeous. 15, though, to our... Oh, sorry. The Blackguard is also prone. Oh! That'd be great. So he can't hit me. For now. Unless he stands up. I really don't wanna be this close to this Assassin, so I might just... Just...just...just take a few steps back. I mean, do you want that opportunity attack? He's prone! Not the Assassin. Oh, fuck me. All right, never mind. [laughter] I... I guess I'll just stay here. All right, that's good. That's good. Galdin! Oh, boy. Okay. Lauren does, um... Lauren does this Counterspell, and it, like...

He can, like, feel the magic sort of, like, bumping up against his own, and he, like, winces and then, like, grips onto her a little bit tighter and says, "Lauren, this is your last chance." [dramatic music] ♪ ♪ "Call them off, stand down, "and this can all be over, and you can be with your family again." ♪ ♪ No, that's not it. I'm gonna attempt to cast Blight on her if she doesn't say anything. Go ahead. Cast Blight. You can see that her face is twisted up. You keep mentioning her family, and it's pissing her off. Um, okay, let's see. I think this should do it.

Oh, my. That's a failure. All right. Tell everybody at home what Blight does. Oh, let me check. [laughter] Just sounded cool. Um, uh, there's some necrotic damage, uh, Natch. Uh, does she happen to be undead or a construct? No. Does she happen to be a magical plant? [laughter] Damn it, my twist. [laughter] I have to ask. I was watching The Happening, and I started writing. [laughter] Uh, if not, then no. Here comes the 8d8 necrotic damage. Oh, good doe. 40 damage. Oh, shit. Holy fuck. So you, like, he just, like, manipulates his magic just a little bit in a way that, like, it's still kind of this spell, this necrotic damaging spell, but, like, since it's got counterspelled, he's sort of, like, developing the magic on the fly to sort of move past this arcane energy and still flow within her.

And you can see, like, sweat, like frozen sweat start to, like, appear. on his face. And he just says, "So be it." And then I'm gonna also cast Misty Step as a reaction. I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Whoo! Boop! I'll get back here with Braelyn. Oh, boy. Okay. Okay. Now she's fucking pissed. [laughter] I hate to be the guy, but did you let go of her? Yeah, I did. I think Misty Step could bring someone with you. I'm not too sure. Can you? I don't know if you... I don't know. Let me check. I mean, there wouldn't be any reason to, like, bring her close to you.

While we're checking on stuff, does that ritual we performed to do triple damage apply to a light spell? You have to call it. Yeah, I thought you guys... Oh, you have to call it ahead of time? Yep, you gotta call it before the attack. Oh, shit. Okay. Oh. It's you doing your Babe Ruth impression. Oh, and you only get it once? Yep. Oh, I thought it was just like this whole thing. No! We all get triple damage. What am I, giving free candy out? No. So we have to call it before we know if it hits or not? Yeah. Oh, no. [laughter] Elena, this is you, Val. This is your time.

Yeah, I thought you noticed. I know, but I just used everything. What's the thing? You still have the call your shot and your black magic that happened last time. That's true. I still have precision attack. That could help. But, well, shit. Oh, boy. You know what? Here's what we're gonna do. Lauren's turn. I am going to make an example out of all of you. She's gonna cast Misty Step. And she's going to travel back toward the compound. Start the ritual. And she's going to call back, and you're gonna watch a couple of people run into the building. Her eyes are going to turn red.

And you're gonna watch this kind of purple, swirling energy encompass her arms. And she's gonna raise a hand above her head like she's gripping something, like she's holding a softball or something like that. And this sphere of flame is going to start to swirl above her right hand, and it's gonna get bigger and bigger and bigger until it's probably the size of... If I had to put it into words, probably... [blows raspberry] Probably a good ten feet across. And she's gonna cast Fireball. Oh, fuck. And she's gonna cast Fireball at... let's see... sixth level. [sighs] Now, let's draw a circle.

Does Fireball hit all creatures or all enemies? All creatures. Yeah, she's gonna cast it on her voice. We do have some fire resistance, I believe. All of us. From Daddy Vakna. I believe it's in your gear, but it might not be. You have chainmail armor of fire resistance? I do believe I gave it to you. Yeah, so it should automatically do the math. Okay. Okay. So... I also have evasion that I'm gonna try to use, too. Okay, good. Hell yeah. Okay. Though my evasion is different than I think what your black arts is. Is it? I think so, 'cause mine doesn't say anything about rerolling, but I will if you reroll.

No, it lets you... If you succeed on a Dex check, you take zero damage. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right. You don't take... Yeah. Yes. So if you fail, you only take half damage. Okay. Yeah, so that's automatically in the math. All right. We are using fireball. This is not a drill. Okay. I'm gonna roll this, and everyone's automatically gonna do a Dex save. Oh my god, the save's so big. Okay, here we go. Oh, okay. Jesus! Tatiana's gonna roll a 23. Braylon's gonna roll a 13. That's a failure. Callie's gonna roll an 18. That's a success. And Callie's gonna roll an 18. That's a success.

I'm gonna get crispied again. Well, again, you're wearing the fire-resistant stuff, so let's see if... Okay, shit. So I've gotta add... Oh my god. It's at six levels. So it should be half for Braylon and a quarter for everyone else, unless... No, nothing for Tatiana. Minus me. Yeah. Tatiana should get nothing, but I'm rolling with extra Ds, because three extra Ds. Yeah, it's a higher guess. I like that. I would commission that art, three extra Ds. Three extra Ds. My commission list is open. All right. Let's see if this works. Huh! So it wounded me. Uh, Braylon lost concentration.

Yes. What? It's a concentration spell. It doesn't say... Wait. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. It only rolled eight! Hold on. 25 plus nine. Uh, 34 damage. It automatically did all the math, so... Tatiana did take some, so let's undo that. That's okay. I can do it, I think. There we go. You can edit your own movies? I don't know. I just tried. It worked, I guess. Oh, that's dangerous. Yeah. I was like, "Let me see. Zero." Oh, I don't play with you guys. I think it did the right math. It should have been... I took the full 25. Oh, you took the full 25? Yeah.

Because it should be... What is it? It should be... 17. 17 is half. And then I think it's nine for everyone that succeeded. Yeah. So it gave me three extra wounds. I don't know how to check how much damage I took, though, so... It should be on your main page at the bottom. Yeah, you're only up to 12, so that's... 12 would be half? Oh. 12 would be half. Yeah. So why is Braylin the only one? I don't know, because I'm thinking the armor or the equipment doesn't add that in, probably. It probably does. I don't know, but... But it's... But we have resistance, so I take half because we succeeded and then half from the fire resistance.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Never mind. Fireball's too much. Let's just... (laughter) Six. Thank you. Callie took... I already adjusted it. It's fine. Thank you. Okay. Somebody fixed mine already, so I'm good. I did. Oh, thank you. I cast math at everybody. (laughter) That's a high level spell. That's a powerful spell. Jesus. I failed to check for that in school a lot, so... Let's do... Blackguard number one. Oh, wait. Cauldron, as we emerge from the flames, Cauldron looks at Lorne and says, "Is that all you have?" Oh, my God. Okay, marking that down. Got it. Callie looks at Cauldron like, "What the fuck?" (laughter) Okay.

She's getting to the point where she's just enraged. Like, it's like, oh, my God. Now she's gotta put you down fast to prove to the block that she ain't a bitch. (laughter) Gotta do it for that street cred. Yeah. Blackguard number one is gonna maneuver around Elena, and you know what? Let's do some things, 'cause you're making his friend look silly. Blackguard is gonna cast Thunderous Smite on himself. And swing with his glaive against Elena three times. Three times? Three times. Yeah, it's three times. Oh, no. (laughter) Hooroo! 17 will hit. So, not only is the glaive gonna do damage, but we will use Thunderous Smite.

The first time you hit with a melee attack during this spell's duration, your weapon rings with thunder that is audible within 300 feet of you. The attack deals an extra 2d6 thunder damage to the target. Additionally, if the target is a creature, which you are, it must succeed on a strength saving throw or be pushed ten feet away from the knock-- knock throne. I can do the strength saving throw. That I feel confident about. Okay. Me, rolls a one. (laughter) Should I do that right now? Yeah, roll the strength saving throw and we'll see what's going on. Oh, man, what's the save? 17 beat it.

Yeah, this guy. Yeah, boy. So, let's roll damage. Glaive, boom! 14 damage. Let's see, has advantage again, is gonna swing, boom. Oh, we're gonna drop a one to take a 12. 19 will hit. Ugh, min damage, five. Nice. That's the second one they've rolled for damage. I know. Keep it going. One more. Uh, 20 will hit. Ah, two. Yeah. This is great, so six damage. That's embarrassing. That was supposed to be a show of solidarity. Not to look like a chump with his friend, but to help his friend who's looking like a chump. Paladins and thugs. How's Elena doing? I'm doing okay. I'm a third of the way down.

Paladins are going to do 141 damage. Look at those tens, Jason. I know, there's a lot of tens. Let's see what the thugs roll. 110 damage, very mediocre. They scared some of them. Yeah, let's see where we're at, everybody. Go, Elena and Julie. Fuck 'em up. Paladins are down to 2,642 damage, or hit points, sorry. And thugs are at, I've made a lot of work for myself, 2,127 hit points. Pretty close. Still pretty even. We haven't even reached our first, yeah, they've been rolling kind of average. So, Braylon, you are up. Okay, let me check my spells one more time before I commit to this action.

Okay, Braylon's going to look to Galdin and he'll ask like, "You can take her, right?" I can try. Is she on a roof or something, Jason, or is she inside of a building? Oh, she's right on the street. She's on the street. In front of the, yeah. Okay, so he knows Galdin's got this, so he's going to cast, I haven't done this one yet. Maybe I have, I don't remember. Mask Cure Wounds, it's a fifth level spell. Check that off. I'm going to make a point. It's two squares above Larg. That's where, and the point is in the bottom left corner. I can't make a drawing, I don't know how to do it.

But the bottom left corner of that box is the point. And so 30 feet out from there, 5, 10, 15, 20, hits Elena, hits Larg, 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, hits Callie, it hits everyone basically, including myself, and everyone's going to regain 3d8 plus my spellcasting ability modifier, HP back, and my spellcasting ability modifier, I think it's four. Okay, so I'm going to target everybody. It shouldn't really do anything to everyone else, I assume, right? Because if they have full health, they should be fine. Yeah, it should be fine. I don't think it's going to get in focus health or anything.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Okay, well. We'll see. 19 health to everybody. So, Brailin just focuses, he's like, okay, Larg's got it, or Kelton's got it, Kelton's got it, and he'll strum a few chords on the loot, and he'll just be praying, he's like, "Daddy Vecna, please." And energy will wash over everyone and give them that health back. That's a level 5 spell slot. Oh, man, it hurts to check that off. Makes me cry. [laughter] And my bonus action. How far is it? Okay, 60 feet. I'm going to look to... Oh, shit, who do I give this to? You know what, Elaina, I'm going to give it to Larg.

I'm going to give it to Larg, because he's within earshot. I'm going to say, "Go get her, Larg!" In the same tone as Ray from Ghostbusters and give him... [laughter] Oh, it's Peter Beckman from Ghostbusters and give him the Marduk inspiration for a D10. And I am almost out of special bard tricks, but that's my turn. Oh, boy. Elaina, you are up. Okay. It's hard to know what to use, because I don't know how much worse it's going to get, because it will get worse. Well, you got... Okay, if Kalin would stop calling somebody a bitch while you're fighting... Not going to happen. [laughter] Well, because I assume after we take down these guys, we're probably going to have to go after Lauren herself, so I don't want to waste everything on these guys.

So I'm just going to attack regular old attack Drow assassin one. He hasn't been doing so well so far. 18 will hit. Perfect. Ooh, wait, I get to reroll that. Oh, my God. [laughter] You didn't see me, but I raised my hand. [laughter] All right, let me undo what you did. Go ahead. Okay. [laughter] So instead of that tiny five damage, we're going to go with a big girthy six damage. That could be the best way to do it. Hey, a girthy six. Never had any complaints. Oh, my God. So I'm going to kick Rasa's ass in one again. Never mind, I'm sorry. What, Jason? No, say it, say it.

I'm just saying, we all know how you get your new tech. Let's not fucking throw shade at others. How dare you? I'm a classy woman. That's why you're getting an Alienware or something, I guess. I don't... I'm screaming. I hate this. I hate it. Okay, I'm going to attack the guy again. 16 will hit. Okay. Nine damage to the assassin. Cool. Looking a little ropey. Not looking so hot. Well, that'll be it for now. Oh, my God, Drow assassin number two, who isn't prone, and is still standing here, I guess, is going to... Huh. Well, fuck it, I guess Callie. No. Cool. Stop. A couple of short sword attacks coming right up.

With a plus two. Swing. Jesus, 24 will hit. I'm going to use my last bardic inspiration to... Cutting words. Okay. I don't even know if it's worth it, but I'm going to do it anyways. Nope, didn't help. Two, bringing it down to 22, which will still hit. Okay, so seven damage isn't so bad. Now I need you to roll a constitution saving throw. Um... Number 15. 15. I think I'm immune to poison. Wait, what? I think I'm immune to poison. Show your math. I think it's a druid ability. I'm a dwarf now. Hold on. I'm pretty sure I'm immune to poison. I feel like this would have come up the three other times you guys have faced a disaster.

It just... Well, because I got it on my last level up, I believe. It's not druidic. It's not natural recovery. Nature's war. Mother fucker. When you reach 10th level, you can't be charmed or frightened by elementals or fey, and you are immune to poisons and diseases. Oh my god! Yes! Wow. I've been eating those weird berries out in the forest. Wow. Well, I can still cut you. So I appreciate the effort, Jason, but I'm gonna have to pass. Holy shit. He's rolling like 16s and 15s. It's just taping. Another eight damage. Oh, oh. Blackguard number two is gonna stand up.

Well, don't say it like that. No, I'm saying it like that. You're so angry. I just... You negated half of the game's things. Like you just said, "And this and that," and you know what? I don't like your face. Change it. Like you just changed. Jason, I never get to say anything that... You never say anything about Valerie going, "Um, actually..." Do you think I don't die inside a little every time? But it's like fighting the wind, Karen. With a druid? Kind of exactly. Yeah. Can I just say, I just got flashbacks to that time Karen yelled at me at Dragon Con. I was like, "Oh, no, I made her upset." I'm sure she had a good reason.

See, we all know she had a good time. She got a kid. Wow. Whoa. Listen, all I'm saying is the date's lined up. Wow. Whoa. Whoa. Called out. Hashtag false news. But it wasn't. It really happened at Dragon Con. You're here first, folks. I fucking told y'all. Despite Valerie standing outside of my door yelling, "Nobody in this house better have sex!" I did not stand outside anybody's door. I will be sleeping with... never mind. Honestly, it was just spite after that. It was just bang harder. Oh my God! Valerie was worried you weren't going to get some kind of commodity after it, like a PC or a computer.

Oh my God. No contracts were for... what are you even getting out of this, everyone? Oh my God. I love you, Val. I love you. I can't believe this. Even a set of rare coins or something? Nothing? Just... What are we even doing? Oh, I'm getting ready to cast Thunderous Smite. Oh good. So, the first one of these that hit, we're going to do some stuff. But first... Huh. You know what? He's going to maneuver right here to get advantage. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. He's going to use his glaive. Hi-yah! Fourteen will hit. Mm-hmm. Let's use that Thundering Smite. Yeah, let's use that Thundering Smite.

Here it comes! Boom! Sixteen damage. That hurt. Can I have a Strength saving throw, please? Oh, I'm not immune to that. Oh, you're... Damn, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. Yay. A thirteen? Wow, nice. Hell yeah. Chomps. That's what the Breland says. Chomps! Twenty-three will hit. No, just kidding. Don't do it. Seven to Calli. Calli is looking a little worse. Calli's getting cut up. Last glaive swing. Oh my God. Stop. One team five will hit. Nine game left. I'm still up. Calli! I am still up. Mark. So, as I see it, there's currently... There's a lot of shit going on behind me, but right now, in front of me, twenty feet away, is Lauren.

That's true. In a straight line. Now, there's no such thing as far as I can tell, like charge or bull rush mechanics in this game, but what I want to do, if I can, is flavor my attack as essentially running at her and shoving her as hard as I can into this stone wall. Sure. Before I do that, I'm going to Rage, which means the magic weapon effect on Tatiana is going to go away, which I'm sorry about, but when I'm Raging, we're going to use Reckless Attack, which means I'm going to get advantage on this. Oh, shit. And I'm going to call my shot. Oh! Largamoth Larg!

Yes. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen. Yes. I'm going to tell you, in the sphere of possibility, you could down her. If the stars align, you have advantage. Mm-hmm. You're swinging. If you land this attack, you're going to do triple damage. Mm-hmm. Go for it. So, we get a plus two because I put Sacred Weapon on myself. Where's my attack? Here we go. That's the first half. That's the second half. That's a 24. That, holy shit. That's actually a 26 because the plus two didn't apply to that. Okay. Okay. So, we're going by the first attack. First attack hit. Mm-hmm. 24 damage. Holy shit. 72 damage.

Okay, hold on. I got a... Wait, I didn't do damage yet. Oh. Oh. Oh, roll damage for the first one. I'm sorry. Jesus. I thought that's what you did. Oh, no. That was advantage, so I was just rolling the attack twice. Oh, why didn't you just hit advantage? Oh, because I... You know what? Shut up. Because I'm aligning a lot of things right now. So, reckless attack gave me advantage. Okay. The sacred weapon gave me plus two. We hit. Okay. So, now we're going to roll damage. Because we are a zealot, we have an ability that gives us... Our first attack while raging does 1D6 plus one damage.

And I'm also going to burn a second level spell slot to burn an extra 3D8 damage. Does all of that get tripled? Okay. Okay, wait. Run that whole list by me again. Okay. So, I'm going to use my paladin ability to smite. Yes. And burn a second level spell, so that's an extra 3D8 damage. Yes. I have an ability as a zealot barbarian. I'm looking up the name of it now, but essentially it means my first attack while raging does an extra D6 plus half my barbarian level, so one. Mm-hmm. So, I'm rolling an extra 3D8 plus 1D6 plus one on top of my actual weapon damage.

Yeah, that'll get tripled. That'll get tripled. Okay. That'll get tripled. That's a 98 3D6 plus three. Let's do it. There is no coming back from this. So, can we bust through the wall? It looks like a wooden wall behind us. Let's see what you do first. This is called Divine Fury, by the way. Yeah, this sounds like it. Yeah, he's going to let out a howl like nobody has ever heard from him. I'm not going to do it now because my kids are sleeping, but... That's fair. Okay, let's... Jesus, God. God, how do I even do this? Let's do the 3D8 first. Well, what you could do, you see at the bottom of the screen?

Yeah. You see the one, two, three, four? Yeah. You could throw all the dice combinations you want down there. And then when you're done, just do the modifier the way it needs to be done. And then just click that thing. Okay, so 3D8 smite damage, 1D8 weapon damage, 1D8 Divine Fury damage, plus one for Divine Fury, plus four for the weapon damage, plus two for Raging. So that's plus seven, right? Okay. Wait, so what are the dice then? Isn't it four D8 and one D6? Yeah. Okay. 32 times three, please. Fuck, dude. 96 damage to Lauren. Holy heck. That's insane. Yes. You just got charmed.

Ha ha, but I'm pumped. She is... This wall is going to crumble down, and she is going to be cast into this room. There is a table directly behind this wall. She is going to go end over end. She is completely covered in blood. As a result of being bloodied. I have a second attack, or does this happen first? This is happening first. Okay. She is going to stand up slowly, and you can see that there's something otherworldly in her eyes. That should have killed her easily. And she is going to regain 50 hit points. And summon two Toregs to the fight. God damn it. So can we be like in here now?

Yeah, let's do it. Let's get in here. Hold on. Like right in here. Yeah. Yeah, we'll snuggle in this room. Okay, cool. So, two Toreg demons. Jesus. And we'll just summon those right out where she was. God, those big boys. We killed one before, right? Yeah, I hear. Let's have them roll initiative. Eighteen and twelve. God, my heart is fucking pumping right now. It's so, oh my God, dude. That was sick. I keep looking at my Fitbit, and my beats per minute are very high. Watch, tell me I need to go to the doctor. No, just kidding. Mark, you got another attack. So, they're going to burst through this wall, and he's howling something fierce.

He's going to post up, like stand up tall over her. His hammer is still glowing white energy. His eyes are just billowing white energy. It's almost like it's coming from his mouth, too. It's just everywhere. And he's just furious. He's just going to bloom over. He's going to say, "Do you think that your tragedy is so much greater than anybody else's? Do you think that nobody else suffers? Do you think that you deserve to destroy a city where nobody else does? Who do you think you are?" And he's going to bring his hammer down overhead two-handed swing on her for his second attack.

Oh, Jesus. Okay, let's see that attack. Let's do an attack. This has none of the extra sauce on it, by the way, as the other attack. I mean, the first one did enough, right? This is just more. 18 will hit. So, let's burn another second level spell slot. So, we're going to do, let's take that D6. Hang on. Let's just do it this way. Four plus six. Here we go. Twenty-nine points of damage. For not having any of the extra sauce. It had some sauce. Oh, I was not lying. It had a lot of sauce. It's pretty sauce heavy. Holy shit. Okay. Oh, my God. Yeah, you're going to hit her in the head with this fucking hammer.

And again, it should cave in her skull, and she's bleeding. She's bleeding from the eye and ear, and like there's blood trickling down her mouth. And she is going to, like she's clearly damaged, but not as much as she should be. And holy shit. Okay. Torag demon number two is going to run like the dickens into this crowd. Like the dickens. Like the dickens. Like the dickens, you say. And you're going to swing at Braelyn. Stop. Oh, boy. Is there a spell associated with that or just stop? Just stop. Got it. Just stop. Oh, man. Okay, here we go. Multi-attack, because everyone loves a good multi-attack.

It's going to use slam twice. One, twenty-seven. That's a hit. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Twelve damage. That could have done way worse. That could have done. It's two, two, and three. That could have been, yeah. Slam number two, twenty-one. Twelve damage to Braelyn. Wow, so lucky. Holy shit. Tatyana, you are up. Okay, so Tatyana has her bow pointed at Lauren up until Larg throws her through a frickin' wall. And when this tarag comes over, I'm going to use my cunning action to just move right out of my hand. And I'm going to say, "Well, I guess it's your turn now, big boy." And I'm going to try to hit the tarag.

Yes. Okay, well, or not. Fourteen's going to miss. Okay, well, that was fun though. Anything else? No, I have no other options. That's it. Drow assassin number one, who's still doing just poorly with Elena. You know what? Let's just try to stab, I guess. Let's do it. Okay, has advantage. Here we go. Nineteen. Okay, so going to use... Oh, wow. Okay, boom. Max damage of nine. Can I get a constitution saving throw from you, please? Okay. If you fail, you just get to say, "I don't want to fail," so... Oh, really? I don't know. You have indomitable. Oh, I can only use it once.

Oh, my bad. I don't have it. Before a long rest. So let me get that constant. Eeee. Oh, so you're going to get away. I'm fine. You're fine, but not for the sneak attack damage. Four D six extra. Why does he get a sneak attack? He's right in front of me. Because he has advantage. That's dumb. That's how your sneak attack works. I don't have a sneak attack. Well, that's how Tati's sneak attack works. Oh. Okay. I mean, I guess if that's like the rules or something. Yeah. So a total of 41 damage to Elena. I think it's one more. Oh, wait, sorry. Advantage. 23. Give me that con save.

Oh, yeah, okay. I can't believe I made the dagger fall out of his hand and he just picked it right up. Oh, so you're good. 20 damage to Elena. Paladins and thugs. Here we go. Let's raise the stakes a bit. Let's quicken this up a bit. More paladins? Is that what you mean? I'm saying, let's see. 212 damage from the paladins to the thugs. One of those rules looks like it's missing some dice. Am I wrong? Wait. I think it has to do with because one's two digits and one is three digits. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. Thank you. I should say, how is that possible?

I didn't see. Hup and hup. 246 to the paladins. You're going to hear an explosion come from the compound. And, like, people are whipping out big spells. That's what it sounds like anyway. Like, it sounds like total calamity behind you. You're all going to get a plus one to your attacks from here on out. Whoa. Vecna? Is that you? It's me. Calder. Six paladins are down to 2,396 health. Thugs are down to 1,915 health. Callie, you are up. Oh, boy. OK. So Callie's really hurt. Like, really hurt. She's going to kind of, like, wrap her arms around herself and she's going to cast a spell.

All this wind is going to start, like, flying up around her. I'm casting my 6th-level spell, guys. It's going to be-- it's called the Investiture of Wind. So I gain a flying 3 to 60 feet. Hell yeah. But there's also a 15-foot cube of swirling wind centered on me. So each creature within that must make a constitution saving throw. So Mr. Drow Assassin 2 and Mr. Blackguard 2 have to make-- oh, shit. Don't do that. No, I clicked the spell slot and then it closed my thing and I couldn't get to it. That's all. No big deal. All right. Constitution saving throw. They both failed.

They both got a fail. Yes. OK. So they're each going to take 2d10 bludgeoning damage. Oh, my god. Six. And they are both going to be pushed back 10 feet away from me. Oh, god. You're stormed. You're basically stormed. That's pretty cool. You could say that they're winded. Ugh, I'll take it. I hate you. Same thing that happens to everything else? I mean, I still have my movement, right? So can I just fly up in the air so they can't come back and get me? I mean, yes. OK. That's what I do. How far in the air are you? No reason. Just like maybe like 10 feet. Oh, OK. OK. Kaladin, you're up.

Oh, boy. OK, I need some help from the group. I think I could end Lauren now, but I think Larg may have it. And if not, then I could try and get these two big boys in the Strow assassin all in one go. What do we think? Brilliant. We'll look at you. He'll say, do it. That doesn't help. Oh, he's like yelling at you to go. He's like, oh, get out of here. Go in there. Well, I don't have to leave to do it. That's the thing. That's what leaves me. So Kaladin is going to pirouette and do his sachet around this big old boy. And he's going to look through this hole that Larg made.

And there's like dust and debris and plaster and wood falling down. And Larg is beaming with this radiant light and through that light, he can just see a black hand on the ground with a hammer on top of her head and blood pouring down, but still alive. And he's going to call out to Larg, Larg, duck! And I'm going to call my shot on magic missile, which is a guaranteed hit. Huh. But I'm also going to cast it as a bonus action and also do a ray of frost, which will be an attack roll. So I don't know. So that might be factored in. Well, they both won't get tripled.

They both won't get tripled. No. OK. Just the one. Just the one attack. Basically pick one, yeah. Got it. OK. We'll go magic missile. OK. So and I'm going to cast that at fifth level. OK. So that's 7d4 plus 7. What's 7? It's a d4 plus 1. Oh, got it. Got it. OK. Here we go. So I'm going to do this seven times and then we're going to triple that. Yes. Let's do it. Got it. So that would be-- oh, nice. 69 damage. [LAUGHTER] Nice. [LAUGHTER] 69 damage. Wow. OK. Holy shit. That is-- that is going to rock her. Yeah. That-- yeah. That's-- that's nasty. OK. All right. So one more thing.

This is not tripled. I'm casting that as a bonus action. Going to spend some sorcery points to cast Ray of Frost. Also, here we go. 26 will hit. All right. I'm going to add on a plus 5 to damage for that because a cold baby. So that's a whole lot of sorcery points. But here we go. One. [LAUGHTER] OK. [LAUGHTER] The first one-- What did you pay attention to? Yeah. That's fine. So 6 damage. That-- I mean, the 69 is what we're paying attention to. Nice. All right. Yeah. So he just, like-- he just summons, like, everything. The sweat off his brow, the, like, water from people's flasks.

It all just starts, like, coalescing at him and swirling into these, like, animated icicles and just starts spinning special beam cannon styles. And he's just going to go in the pile at Lauren and just doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, like, hit her in exploding frost. Inside-- OK. Lauren's turn. At this point, just-- she is gouged in several areas. She is-- she is just bloody and beaten, bruised and battered. Her dress is torn. She's coated in wood particles and plaster and shit from being knocked into a building. And she's going to kind of stand up from, like, one knee and wipe her mouth off as best she can and just fucking blot all over her face.

Do you really think that I'm going to let you stop me when I'm this close? And she's going to hold her hands up for a moment. And she's going to cast Time Stop. Oh, no. What is this? Can you force? You briefly stop the flow of time for everyone but yourself. No time passes for other creatures, but you take one D4 plus one turns in a row. [D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 + D4 ] OK. That could be worse. She's going to take two turns in a row. Here's what we're going to do. I have a lot of choices to make.

She's going to cast Mirror Image. Three illusory duplicates of her are going to appear. Until the spell ends, the duplicates move with her and mimic her actions. They shift positions, so it's impossible to track which image is real. Basically makes it a lot tougher to hit her. And she's going to use Misty Step to get the hell out of there. And that'll end her first turn. She's going to cast Lightning Bolt at Calvin. Because that fucking hurt. That's a Dex save, right? Oh, but I don't roll it. Yeah. She's going to cast it at ninth level. Ninth level? Get out of here with that.

She's an abjurer, man. So you're going to hear the sky crackle and it is... You're going to hear the storm rolls in over the period of seconds. And this bolt of lightning is going to streak toward Calvin. And I need you to give me a Dex saving throw, please. Oh, you need me to roll it? Well, let's see. Oh, it's in a line. Ooh. Yeah, just Calvin. Because that would be a straight line, but yeah, so Calvin. Dex saving throw. Come on. 18. 18, 18, 18. That's half damage on a ninth level lightning bolt. Yeah, I don't know. Let's find out. Yeah, that is good. Okay, yeah, you're going to dodge.

Oh, boy. Okay, so... Oh my god, this is seriously like JoJo's Bizarre Adventure episode. Yeah, we're getting to the point where it's just Agent Smith versus... It's like, you guys are just going nuts. 14d6. So, whatever I roll here is half of that. Please be gentle. 48. So, 24 damage to Calvin. Oh my god. Okay. That's okay. That's like a fourth of my life. [Laughter] Yo. Holy shit. This is getting crazy. Oh my god. Alright, she ain't playing. She ain't playing. I think that's all she can do. Stop in time and fry me with a lightning bolt. I hope so. Stop in time, lightning bolt, lightning bolt.

I think that's what she can do. Blackguard. Shit. Yeah, still has advantage. Still is going to keep swinging. Does he have a thunderous smite? He does have a thunderous smite. Let's cast that thunderous smite. So, if he hits with this, we'll worry about that. 19 is going to hit Elena. 15 damage to Elena. That's not great. It's getting hairy now. 16 will hit. 7 damage to Elena. One more. As long as this isn't like him just knocking it out of the park, you'll be fine. 26 will hit. Close to it. 7 more damage to Elena. Elena's holding on though. These paladins and thugs are just going nuts.

This building is being torn down slowly. And you're going to hear just screams of pain in the street. Innocents have long since run as far as they can to get away from this. People are holding up in their shacks and closing their shutters, just trying to get away. Brailin, your turn. Okay, I'm going to stand in front of this fucking thing and just cast massacre wounds again. My last 5th level spell slot. I'll target it diagonally from Cauldron, so I will hit myself. Callie's 10th hitting the air, correct? She's 25 feet away from me technically, so she gets it still.

Elena barely gets it. Larg, I'm sorry you're too far. Larg's doing fine. Brailin plays it again and he's got blood and sweat driven from his face. The tarag is just breathing in front of him. And he's just looking at it and he's like "Hahaha, gotta stop me first pal!" And he's going to keep playing his music. Give everyone 14 HP. Jesus. Thank you. Elena needed that. I'm sorry, I can't do more yet. Let me see, that was a level 5? Do I have any bonus actions? Cantrips? No, I don't think I do. I'm pretty much it, that's it. I'm tapped. Elena, you're up. Okay. I don't know what to do because Elena could go down before I get to go again.

Should I just go all out? Oh no, you guys. Oh no? Should I just go all out? Just go wild. I'm the one to save it for the demon, not this fucking guy. Don't hang him. Can't fight the demon if you're dead. That's an excellent point. That's true. Okay. I gotta make sure it hits. I'm going to do a fainting attack. I use a bonus action to faint, so I have an advantage on my next attack roll against a target which will be Drow Assassin 1. And I'm going to call my shot. Okay, let's do it. Maybe, I don't know. I just want to, if I'm going to die, I want to kill someone. 19 will hit.

Perfect. So now I get to add superiority die to my damage roll. Do you want me to roll it manually so then we can just triple it? Yes, please. Okay. But I get to re-roll that. Yes. So, it's going to be... Oh, whoops. So 6 plus 13... No, 6 plus 13 is 19. Oh, 13. Yes, sorry. 19 times 3 is 57 damage. That'll cut him down. He's dead. Perfect. So, Elena knows, like, you know, this fight is getting serious. So, she's going to take a moment to, like, breathe heavily after she gets rid of that guy. And, she's going to slowly turn around to blackguard 1. And look at him dead in the eye and say, "You're next." And she's going to attack him.

But without any of... Actually, no, it's another fucking attack. Let's go. Let's do another feinting attack. Fuck it. Okay. So, I get advantage on this guy as well. Okay. Yes. 27 will hit. Beautiful. And then, plus a d10. So, total damage is going to be... I get to re-roll that. I'm good. I honestly missed this. It's a good bid. It's wonderful. Every single roll. It's perfect. Let me know when you're ready. Oh, I'm ready. Okay. Ooh, max damage. 20. Anything else? Action Surge. I can still do that, right? I think so. Yeah, well, it says, "On your turn, you can take one additional action on top of your regular action and a possible bonus action." Yes, go ahead.

Yeah, if you use an Action Surge, I think you get two attacks again because... Right, two attacks again. Do I get two bonus... You don't get any more bonus actions. Right, no, I'm just saying because the feinting attack is considered a bonus action. And so... No. Oh, the feinting attack is a bonus action? Yeah. Oh, you should have only gotten one of those. Right. So you shouldn't have done two already. Right. But you did. So if you want, we can take away the... I just want to go forward, Valerie. Okay, geez. I don't think I have anything. Fine, I'm just going to regular fucking hit him.

I think. Yeah, there's nothing... Yeah. And then... You're going to mope with this guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Regular attack. Mm-hmm. Miss! When I make a weapon attack... I'm going to kick you right in the sternum. I can extend one superiority die and add it to the roll. There are not many people in this world that I could kick somebody like in 300, but you are the one I know. So... We're going to take this d10... And we're going to add that seven. Does 17 hit? Yes. Beautiful. So damage... Nine damage to the Blackguard. Then I get to hit him again. 22 will hit. And then damage. 12.

Jesus, you rolled attack and damage and didn't give me a dissertation in the middle of it? Holy shit! Don't remind me, I'll have to write one of those one day. Drow Assassin 2! But you didn't ask me if I was done with my turn. You're fucking done! You put this encounter together, so this is partly your fault. It's... Oh my god. Let's attack Kaladin! Oh my god. No, please! You know what? He's going to move there to get advantage. Let's get advantage. Let's get advantage. Alright. Whaa! Does 20 hit? 20 hits. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm going to cast Shield. Where's Shield at?

Shield gives me a +5 bonus to AC, so my AC is 22 now. So that will miss. Oh man. Well let's try that one more time. 23! That'll hit. That'll just hit. Excellent. Can I get a Constitution saving throw please? Yeah boy, let me get that for you. Ratch now! Oof. No. No! No, that's going to fail. Oh wait, sorry, I did that already. That was my bad. So 76 poison damage plus the sneak attack. Another 11. So 38 damage. Oh, did I mention that I took a level in Druid and I'm immune to poison? Does that work? No, probably not. Torag number one. Oh my god. Torag demon is going to target Elena.

And with advantage, slam! We've had no crits in this, do you know that? We did have one, but it got negated. Yeah, it didn't count. And one more time. Slam! 26 and 17 damage to Elena! Oh my god, she's holding on. Oh my goodness. By two! Blackguard number two is, uh... Well I guess I'm going to jump on Tatiana here. So to speak. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop please. Stop. Holy shit, here we go, three glaive swings! 20... well it's a crit! Ladies and gentlemen, our first crit! In addition to sending critical hit damage to your target, you may take an extra standard action to... oh shit.

How convenient is that, directly after saying, "Here's the new crit!" the whole thing? This is rigged. This table is rigged. I did say that. Oh, he wrote a one though! What? What's happening? I don't know! He's going to pull his hamstring and won't be able to move! One more! That's a hit! But because he gets to take another action, he gets another three! 26 will hit! That'll miss. And the last one! 18 will hit. Okay, six swings and not a lot of damage done. Well, he pulled a hammy! He did pull a hammy, yeah. I can't use my uncanny dodge, can I? That's for... stop with Datcha.

I think it's... no, it's different with thief. I don't know. It's the attack damage. Oh god, yeah, you could use that on everyone I just hit you with. Not on everyone, I don't think. I think it's only on one of them. Well, is it a reaction? - Mm-hm. - Yeah, it's only one of them. - Yeah, you can only do it on one, yeah. - You wanna do it on the crit? - Yes, please. - Oh, okay, I gotcha. Holy shit. - Math, math, math. - Math, math, math, math, math. - Math, math, math, math, math. - Our greatest enemy! - Larg! - Okay, so Larg is going to, fortunately, if I take a step out the door here, or the door, you know, that I'm-- - Yeah, the new door.

- Yeah. She's just far enough away, I can get to Lauren. As he stalks towards her, he's gonna continue to, I forgot he has his helmet on, so basically this white light is like glowing outward from the eye slits in his helmet. And he's going to basically continue, he's gonna say, "You could have taken any path from where you were, "but you chose the only path that brings you to me." And I'm gonna swing twice. - Yes, swing. - And here's gonna be one, this is a, this is 22. - Give me a D20, please. - D20? - Yeah. - I don't wanna. - You got 'em. (laughing) Eight.

- You're gonna hit one of the duplicates. - Fuck. Okay. I'm gonna swing again. - So that duplicate's gonna go away though, it's gonna. - Yeah, better. All right. - Now there's only three of them. - All right, let's do it again. Oh no. - Oh shit, crit miss, but we're not rolling on the table. (dramatic music) - I'm gonna Bardic Inspiration this. - Okay. - That takes it away from being, well it doesn't matter, 'cause it's not on the table, but if we roll a D. - Well it's still crit miss, right? - As a 18 though. - But it's, yes, I mean that would hit her, but it's.

- Right. - But a one is an automatic miss. - So I can't roll? - No, don't use your Bardic Inspiration is what I'm saying. - Okay, then nevermind that seven. - Yes. - Okay, then I am done. - Shit, Torag number two. I guess it's gonna swing at Calvin. - Bring it. - Slam, oh my God, we're gonna drop a one to take a 20. - Why does he get advantage? Oh, 'cause it's. - Holy shit, he rolled a 20 on the table. Fatal blow. - No. - You deal a terrible blow to your target. - They instantly dropped zero hit points and must roll a flat D20. On a 16 or higher, they cling to life, but with two failed death saving throws.

On a 15 or lower, their wounds were too great and they perish. - Oh, this is it, this could be it. Are we ready for this? What do I gotta roll? - Just a D20. - But what's the DC? - We're shooting for 16 or higher. - 16 or higher. Anyone got any inspiration? - I can't do anything. Oh my God. - Son of a bitch. - 15. - Okay, so I think, well, what happens with this Torag? Tell me that and then I wanna narrate a little bit. - I imagine it's combustion touch, so he is going to reach out and just kind of like slam down and Calvin would just ignite. (dramatic music) So Calvin goes into flames and you see like his frost magic swirl up around him to try and like combat this damage, but he falls to his knees and he looks at Lauren, but he's really looking past her because he sees beyond her the entrance to the silver glade and his mother standing there beckoning him and he gives a small smile and then he falls face down onto the stone.

- Jesus. - The Torag is going to turn and then swing at Braylin. 14 will hit. - I cast shield as a reaction. - Okay. Your AC goes up by five, got it. Okay, so let's move on. Tatiana, you are up. - I don't even know what to do. Okay, I guess Tatiana's gonna use cunning action just to get out of this guy's way and seeing called in sort of like fall to ash is gonna scream, "No!" But I can't scream obviously 'cause it's 1.30 in the morning and she'll with a lot of fury attack this Torag or try to again. - Jesus, 28 will hit. 11 damage to the Torag. - Give me your attack too.

- Yeah. - Nine more damage. So 20 in total. - That's my turn. - Holy shit. Galley, you are up. - I'm gonna cast mask your wounds and it's gonna hit. Probably everybody but Larg. Gonna do it kind of in that same area that Braylin's been doing it. There we go. 11 health guys. - 11 health. Anything else? - No, that's all I can do. - Lauren's up. So her and her two remaining duplicates are going to start speaking. Do you really want these people to suffer? There's only one way to take all of these people and make them obey the law. To make them stop stealing and killing.

They're not gonna stop on their own. And you standing in my way is going to help them and she is going to launch another lightning bolt at Larg. - I eat it. (laughing) It's a free action. - Can I get a dexterity saving throw please? - Yeah. - Jesus. - What, that 19? Is that good enough? - That's a good one. That's a good one. So you're gonna take half damage. So this is gonna course through your armor and shit but you're gonna kind of eat it like a little bit. Like you're gonna kind of eat it. Holy shit. So you're gonna take 14 damage and her attacks are getting weaker.

You could tell like that last lightning bolt was bigger. And she's winded. Like she is visibly like hurt. Black guard number one. She's, I guess we're gonna swing on Elena again. Oh my God. - Holy shit. What is it Jason? Tell me how I die. - Eviscerate. You do two standard critical hits to the target. - That might outright kill me to be quite honest. - Hold on, hold on. So that's a plus 40, 10 plus eight. 27 will not kill you. - No. - It'll down you. Elena is going to go down as this glaive just buries itself right in her back. At this point, it is full on bedlam with these paladins and these thugs.

And at a certain point inside this barricaded maze like structure that is the compound, this explosion of light is going to take place. And for a second, just for a brief second, everyone stops fighting and then someone throws the first swing again and they are just gutting each other. At this point, the paladins are winning. Like visibly, there are more paladins than there are thugs and they just can't keep up. Braylin. - Well, a lot of emotions on this side of the table. He's going to see Cauldron drop and he looks at the Tarag and he looks at Lauren.

He's going to move without care if he takes the attack of opportunity with this 20 AC. Probably right here. And that thing doesn't attack. - I'm going to cast erupting earth at fourth level because I have three fourth level spell slots. - Oh shit. - Targeting Lauren, but the space that I need is 20 foot cube. I'm doing it so that it's behind her. - Gotcha. - So it's not touching Lauren. - Yeah, exactly. - She's going to succeed. - That's fine. She'll take half damage and I'm at fourth level so it's 1D12, which means... (dramatic music) 16 for 3D12, I get one more because for some reason it doesn't let me cast it at a higher level.

So 27 cut in half. - The ground is going to split wide open around Lauren and both of those duplicates are going to start to kind of fall and then disappear. And this is all brick sidewalk with shit. Underneath like old planks and everything like it's, the city's been built on top of each other, on top of itself over and over again. And the ground is going to split open so quickly, so harshly that a large plank is going to shatter and splinter upward and gore her right through the stomach. And she's going to start to kind of grab at it. (dramatic music) And then her hands are going to go limp and her arms are going to fall down at her side.

And at this point she's clinging to life, just barely, but like she's going to die. I would say, first of all, these demons are going to disappear. And at this point, the losses have been so significant and this got everyone's attention 'cause the fucking ground itself is just burst open. And these black guards, assassins, everyone's going to stop and just sort of look over at her. And they're going to stop fighting. Is there anything you'd like to do? - Braelon wants to run to Elena. And as he's running, he's going to purposefully not look at Cauldron's dead body.

Like he's got tears and he's running past it and he's going to cast cure wounds on Elena at fourth level. - What about Lark? - So I imagine it as like she was kind of pacing backwards as he was stalking after her and then the earth behind her erupts and stops her suddenly and the board pierces through her. And as things kind of start to resolve, he'll stop and watch her for a moment. And then he'll take a hand and not really in a comforting way, but also not really in an aggressive way. He'll put a hand on her shoulder, kind of near her neck. And he'll lean in a little bit and he'll say, "Your grievances were real.

You endured awful things, but your squabbles were petty and you made other people suffer for it. And for that, you can't be forgiven." And he's going to take a step back and he's going to, two hands overhead, end it with the hammer. - I'd say just as your hammer is about to come down, like her body's convulsing, trying to bring in air and it's just not working anymore. And that last blow is just going to cave in her skull. And there is not a single doubt in your mind that she is dead, 100%. - Yeah, and as soon as he does it, he'll actually, he'll fall to a knee and he'll pray.

Like she consorted with demons and he can't save her soul, but he'll pray for anybody that she corrupted or for anything like that because her reach was great. And he thinks he understands that. He doesn't fully understand what's going on behind him because he was raging the entire time, but he's dealing with what's in front of him. - I think that's a good time for us to wrap up for the arc. (applauding) - Congratulations guys. - Wow. - Dude, I'm sorry, Ian. - That's okay. Went out in flames. - Flamed out hard. - I shouldn't have used my Bardic Inspiration.

I could have saved you. I should have kept it. - Dude, you could do the crit. - I could have given you 10 for a saving throw. - You could call back then and be like, yo, we did this for you. Where you got Belle at though? - I'm literally in tears. Cause I was like, no, this can't happen. I can't imagine this. This is a world that I did not envision. - All of Brandon's retirement plans involved Galding. - Yeah. - That's it guys. That is arc three. I really hope you guys enjoyed it. Please give us all your feedback. We will be having an extended rest this month, a big old one to cover the last six episodes.

And we'll try and have as many people on as possible. Thank you all for your support. Seriously. It means the world to us. Again, we saw a few new patrons. There were a couple of people on Jimmy who wanted to support us. So seriously, thank you. Follow the links in the description of the episode and you can find us on those platforms and you get a bunch of extra content. We are going to be taking a break in between arc three and arc four. So if you want to keep having content, follow us on Patreon. We really appreciate that. Thank you guys so much. We'll see you next week with an extended rest.