The Finger Based Expression

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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We'll be right back after this. Don't go anywhere. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I have the sexiest knees this side of the country. I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie. I'm very self-conscious about my not-sexy knees, and I play Linda, the human bard. And Xavier. Hello, I'm Xavier. I have three knees, and I will be playing Dr. Chapman, the tiefling rogue. [Laughter] And Jameson. Hi, I'm Jameson. I play Cave Loring, and I have surprisingly nice knees. You'll never see them, though.

And Jasper. I almost never think about knees. This is the most I've thought about knees in years and years and years and years. And I play Flos Valal, Warforged Barbarian. Never has an intro screamed to the listenership. Boy, I hope you listen to those behind the scenes, because none of that's gonna make any sense. Guys, last time you made a wonderful little discovery after a pretty nasty fight with some cave badgers, which are just a nuisance in the countryside right now. But while you guys were down here fighting badgers and finding doors, Valerie, what were you up to?

Okay, well, the last time we talked to me, I was talking to Harmon Hale of Hale Extraction, and I swiftly sent him away. Finished up my lovely sandwich. And then I think everyone else was still down in the mine. So I would probably go to my new office and just start organizing things, making it feel like my place. How organized, paperwork-wise, would you say Linda is? Because you mentioned that that was your previous gig. You've dealt with paperwork on a daily basis. It's probably normally more well-tended to. You probably don't have to walk into something where the paperwork hasn't been done in ten years or whatever.

Yeah, I think she would like to have some of those stacking paper organizers so you can put things in place. If she has a brother label maker, she would put that... Why do you want a brand name? You know... Brother, if you're listening. We want that label maker money. I own a Brother P-Touch from 1998. If you could get us a more recent one, that would be great. I used a Brother Electric typewriter when I was a teenager, and the biggest deal was "It has Tetris." But it was completely green. It was like a giant Game Boy. I think she would just kind of be...

Because I think there is a lot of paperwork on her desk currently. I think when I went in there briefly before. So I think she would just be trying to sort through it a bit. Figure out exactly what there is to do and if there's a better way to make it flow when she's ready to actually start getting into it. Do me a favor. Give me a paper organization check. Let's file that under Wisdom. Give me a Wisdom check. Okay. I have a quick question. Is Linda's office also Kay's office or does Linda have a different office? I... So the way I looked at it... Do you remember the show "Dinosaurs"?

Not in any meaningful way, but... John Goodman again! So the head boss, who was like a big fat Stegosaurus guy, kind of had this office in a trailer. I kind of picture a setup like that, but like the other end of the trailer type office is Linda's. You know what I mean? It was a second desk? Okay. Yeah! Like they could see each other from across the way. It's like, "Oh, do you have the March filings?" It's like, "Oh yeah." That type of thing. Okay. Yeah. So just real quick before Linda starts organizing too much, one detail that I forgot to point out the first time we were in there that I wanted to make sure about is there's actually a bird cage in the office.

And in the bird cage is a yellow canary. That's it. Everything else is just a mess of paperwork, but there's a bird cage with a canary in it. I just wanted to mention. Is it alive? Yes, it's alive. It better be. That is actually an excellent question here. It was alive the last time Cave saw it. So give me a wisdom. Give me a wisdom check. Okay. That's a good one. Oh, wow. Okay. 18. So this is like a duck to water, right? Like you're just, it's like, "Oh yeah, shit." Like you're just, you're whipping stuff in the shape so much so that there's going to be a noticeable difference by the time the gang comes back, specifically Cave.

So you could definitely see, it's like if you leave the house and someone just starts cleaning up, you come back, it's like, "Oh, oh, you're sort of the male. You did this. You did, oh, thank you." That type of thing. Meanwhile, let's go back into the cave. Let's specifically talk to Cave. What are you going to do with this door? So when last we left off, I went wandering down the center sort of cavern, I guess, and found large ruby looking gemstones and what looks like a door at the end of it, right? Yep. I guess I will approach the door. Is there anything, do I notice any markings on it or anything like that?

Give me perception. I will do that. Let me percept. Let me perceive. I will not. Jesus. Well, that's a four. And it makes sense from, I mean, you just blasted your eyes. Through my eyes a couple of times. You're like, "Ahh." Kind of blurry. You got lots of points, man. Lots of scratch marks. Yeah. So this is a rectangular shaped object. It's not a round hobbit door, got it? No, it is. It's all you can tell. It is a big iron type of reinforced thing. It is. Okay, so it's not just stone? No, it's not just stone. This is like it looks, it's one of those things where it may be painted to kind of look like stone or something.

It blends in. But this is definitely like a man-made type of thing. And there's a big honking lock inset like in the door near the knob. Oh, interesting. Okay. Well, my eyes still hurt, but I'm going to see if I can get down on one knee and put my head near the opening of the lock and see if I can peek into it. Give me a perception with disadvantage. With disadvantage? Okay. I'm sorry. No, it makes perfect sense. How is that higher? How is that three times as high as the other one? Because I rub my eyes. I have Visine in my tool belt. That was first time. So there's mechanisms and stuff kind of like in the way, but you can see that on the other side, it does look like there's like a small room.

It's very dark, but you can kind of see a wall just on the other side of the door, probably four or five feet back. So either there's a sharp hallway or corner where it turns or this is a small room or something. Okay. So I'm going to stand up. I'm going to take a look at it again. Did I have one of these gems? Did I take one? I would imagine so. Definitely now if you didn't before. Yeah, I'll pick one up. If I can find a good sized one. I don't know what's good sized in this context. So if you were to take the time to kind of like, like take a pickaxe or something and kind of like chisel, chisel a bit out, you can get one that's the size of a fucking softball.

Yeah, that's what I want. I want one that I can palm, you know? This is, yeah, this is, this is the equivalent of like, like you just struck oil. This is a big deal. Yeah. So I'm going to, I'm going to take a second. I've got like, I've got a hand axe. I'm going to use that to chip away at Rockland enough to get one that's a good grapefruit size. And then I'm just going to call out and be like, Hey fellas, if you're done, I need your, I need you over here. And right now. Yeah. There's no need to delay. Chapman shows up. Same for, you're like, same for flaws.

So when they turn the corner, Cave will be holding this softball sized Ruby. And I don't think I have a light source, but hopefully whoever does have a light source when they turn the corner, it will play gracefully off of that light source and be beautiful and maybe light up the room kind of a nice red. And it'd be like, first of all, good news. Second of all, weird news. And he'll point to the door and be like, there's a door here that somebody made and there's something on the other side of it. And that makes me suspicious and excited. And I don't know which one to be more of.

So I wondered if you guys wanted to take a look before we go get the crew and go knock this door down. Floss will just look curiously first at the gem and then whatever other gems are around. And I can't imagine quite exactly, especially with a war forged, how you could imagine a face like that lighting up a bit. But it would be there somehow. There'll be some sort of emotion like, oh, the delightful. And then whenever you motion to the door, he's just going to walk over to the door, just almost like it's just focused his attention and put his hand on it and just sort of touch around on it, looking for anything like maybe markings or something like that.

Give me perception check. Oh, he's really good perception. I mean, eight ain't bad. So it looks like this thing, because partially there's bits and pieces of corners that are still covered by rock. Like it looks like this was maybe buried, just like maybe forcefully, maybe, you know, something to me. There's a cave in. But if you're feeling all around this door, there's there's going to be this little action, like you're going to you're going to feel that there's texture there, but it's covered up with like soot and bits of dust and rock. So if you were to kind of like dig that out, it looks like it says something, but it's in a language you've never seen before.

Like there's like it's it's almost looks like pictograms, like little symbols, something like that. Floss will get to that point of it and motion to Chapman looking, by the way, cave and noticing the eyes. And so it's not a matter of that. It's just for Mr. Chapman. Mr. Chapman, take a look. He'll be like bringing his hand to his chin and sort of like with his thumb and fingers, kind of like stroke his mutton chops like an old kung fu master would his like long beard because he kind of reads like if he does it long enough, they kind of reach under his chin.

And he'll squint and look at it once. What's that you've got there? And he he'll come forward and kind of look at the inscriptions that Dr. Chapman does have the ability to read the thieves can't if if perhaps those pictograms. It's not the use camp, but it does kind of it looks similar in the way that they're it's using kind of like like symbols instead of it looks like words are spelled. It looks like the symbols are maybe a series of words instead of just like a word or phrase. What about under common? Is this the under common language? Nope. All right.

This looks this is a weird one where you look at it and it's like, huh, like it's almost kind of alien in that like if we stumbled upon like, okay, if it's written in like Arabic, it's like, well, I don't speak Arabic, but I recognize that, you know, that font that that, you know, this is very it's like, huh, this is like the predator landed and like you're trying to read his arm jiggy. But it's not it's not the core language either. OK, just making sure just make sure it's like a rabbit language or maybe you want a history check. It's a language. All right.

If only Linda were here with her. Exactly. Comfrey hand language. Get us down here soon, soon, soon. So Floss will will bend down and is going to sort of poke around at the lock, not not trying to pick it, but just sort of, you know, to get a sense of it. Chapman will kind of like slap your hand quickly. Oh, you you'll want to be careful here. So I've seen a few doors like this in the past. Never happens. Well, so far, so put his hands behind his back awkwardly and lean towards the just the whole just a little bit. Just the whole just to sort of look at it, basically just looking closely, not really knowing what he's looking for.

And then he'll say after a very long pause. Well, I suppose I'll ask what everyone here must be thinking. He's going to stand back up and take a step towards cave. What are those enormous badges hiding behind this door? You know, that is an excellent question, and I want to find out. But here's the here's the cool thing. There's two other hallways. Let's look at those real quick and then let's see if we can find somebody who can pick this lock or somebody. I don't know, maybe Cobb, who we don't mind if they trigger something on the lock. I am happy to smash it quite easily, in fact.

Noted and remembered. We'll we'll hold off on that because it looks like a nice door. If we can keep it nice, maybe it'll be useful. I don't know. Lead the way. Well, Chapman, I'll kind of like put put his hand on Cave's shoulder to kind of stop him. Cave will immediately shrink away from his hand. You are bleeding, Kyve. I don't know if you've noticed, but you've lost a significant amount of blood. Yeah, I would suggest you come by and visit me at my clinic. I will give you a personal diagnostic and I'll. Treat your wounds and he'll look at floss and go, and when I'm finished floss, if you don't mind, we could have our tea later.

Would love that. Absolutely fantastic idea, Mr. Cave. In fact, we did take and floss will look down at himself. He's probably pretty beaten up. I mean, I don't remember exactly, but I feel like. Is dropped down pretty close, like another hit or two, and it would have been a different story. We may need some time, in fact. Doctors or does. Yeah, sure. There's nothing too important here that we can't stop everything for. Let me just take this grapefruit sized gem and we will leave. That's fine. Sure. Yeah, let's do it. I would love to be brought to your tent alone where you have knives.

That's great. No response. And for the record, floss would not have cared or picked up on that at all. On your way out of the cave, there is going to be this freckled young lady with this this vibrant red hair kind of tucked under a helmet. And she looks to be half dwarven. And she's got this great big southern twang that echoes off of the cavern walls. And that's why you guys are as you guys are heading out like, OK, OK. Like jumping. What? Oh, my God. What? What? Thought you were a badger. I'm sorry. And if she did like she was like, oh, there you are. I think I got a promising lead on a couple of things, but I'm gonna need you to sign off.

I think. We're next to some gemstones. Do I know who this is, Jason? Yeah, she's OK. Of the people in this crew, she's probably one of the most competent. She kind of acts as head geologist. And you could say that she had a troubled past. She's good at, you know, she was a pickpocket and and such. But she's she's out of that life now. She's making an honest living here. Hasn't died yet. Impressive. OK, so what's her name? Her name's Katie Bell, but she goes by Spanky. So, yes, after he jumps in and as she's explaining, I imagine like the three of us are going to continue walking and she's going to turn around and like walk with us.

So cable just plunk the ruby into her hands and be like, we are awful close to some gemstones. Thank you. Why don't you why don't you go get Linda's attention with this and tell her to meet me at the medical tent, please. So her eyes are just going to go wide like you like just pump. Yeah, I'm going to let her have that reaction all on her own. Cave is too concerned about what's going to happen next. So for all these guys, like it's it's been a dry spell for a long time. Imagine being a fisherman and there's just nothing like like, OK, if you ever watch Forrest Gump, like they're trying to catch shrimp.

They're trying and trying to try. There's nothing, nothing. And then all of a sudden it's just this deluge of it's like, holy shit, we're rich. Like this is amazing. So her eyes are going to like, holy hells. Did you find this? Sure did. I'm the first one. I want credit. I want that entire mineshaft named after me. He hasn't looked back. He's still walking. She's OK. So the next thing you'd feel is her hands slapping your ass. Just just a good game. It's like, get your beautiful buns out there. It's like she's like she's very work hard, play hard type and maybe has some boundary issues by our modern standards.

But, you know, she got the name Spanky. Maybe it's all coming together. It's all coming together. The mystery of the nickname. But it's a term of endearment. If you've earned an ass slap like that's good. Good for you. Like that's as he'll jump again when she when she hits and like, Lord Spanky, and just like rub his ass. You know, I need to see medical attention. I don't need to get hit again. She's just assumed you didn't get hit on the ass like it's it's fine. Yeah, no, there's blood all over my ass. It's fine. Those badgers exclusively cut butts. That's what they're that's what they're into.

Butt cutters. That's right. So out of this cave, you guys are going to meet back at the tent. Let's give you all a short rest. How about that? Let's get you guys let's spend some hit die. Let's let's let's recoup here because that was a nasty fight. Do you want to do in the tent during the hit die being spent Xavier? I'm sorry. What was that? Do you want to do like that in the tent scene during the diving spend or do you want to? I don't think it's necessary. We might. OK, we might do it like just as Linda comes in. OK, if she shows up. How do I do things? God dang it.

On the front on the front page of your character sheet, you just grab the hit die at the bottom and roll it. Got it. Yeah. Missed it. There we go. Nice. Cool. All right. You were you were you were beat up. I was close. I was real close. I think Floss got the worst. Yeah. So after after Linda gets this office tidied up, kind of kind of makes yourself at home a little bit. You've had a sandwich. You're no longer peckish. I would imagine the entire group meets up because the last you heard they were going exterminating. So you're probably checking in on how that went and what's good.

So this would be like a good like late afternoon. Everyone's regrouping and kind of give each other the download on stuff. So let's assume that Linda would tell Cave about Harmon and all that stuff in the office and Cave would probably tell Linda about fucking rubies you could stone a person to death with and badgers. The badgers went fine. Nothing went wrong. We were all fine the whole time we had it under control. That's the story. Linda gets guys. Guys. Products will never be the same. They've been ruined. Had a really nice but to. So, OK, so let's say that we're, I guess, in the office in that case.

Yeah. Late afternoon, four of us door closed. We got the ruby back from from Spanky. So cable, you know, conclude the summary of what we did and say. So there's two other halls or tunnels that we haven't checked out yet. The door at the end of the one of them is strange. There's a weird writing on it that we don't know what it is. It's locked. And Chapman says it's dangerous. And I believe him. And that's it. That's all we know. That's all we got. When Cave talks about the door, Linda's eyes are going to kind of light up a little bit and she's going to say, "Oh, a mystery!" Oh, that's that's so exciting.

You told her about the rubies and stuff, right? Like, does she see that yet? Oh, yeah. No, the ruby probably is sitting on the table, like in between all of us. Like, Spanky would have brought it to you. And then when we all joined you, you know, we'd be talking about it. So you've seen it. Yeah. Perfect. OK, then she's going to say, "Well, now that I've started getting things a little bit more organized here, what would you say is the next step? Are we going to check out the door? Are we going to check out the other pathways? What would you think is the next best thing to do?" Me personally, and he'll look around the room, you know, in case anybody else has anything to interject, but he'll say, "Me personally, I would rather take a look at the other two halls first, see if there's anything we're missing there.

The door's not going anywhere. Once we've checked those two out, we can come back to the door and figure that out, figure out how to get into it." You know, at the very least, we have a guy who does explosives. On that subject, if I, my job here is to save lives. And it's been a couple of weeks since I could do this efficiently. We are short on supplies, and I think our next step should be to resupply. I have a very lengthy list of things I think should help me help the crew. I might be a little pricey, but I'm sure with Lindi, you'd be willing to spend the right price for my proper services.

Of course, if you could get me an itemized list of what you're thinking about, you can get that to me and I'll go over it and I'll start figuring out to get that to you. Lovely. Now, Cave, were you close with my great stuntbuckle Larry? May he rest in peace? Jason, tell me if I'm wrong. I want to say that we were acquaintances. I would say you were probably the most connected of the crew, but I feel like your relationship was a little distant. You ever have one of those work friends that's like, "I've been working with you for three years, I don't know anything about you.

You could be a serial killer." And it's like, you just kind of like, "Hi, how was your weekend?" I would use some of his personality in just a couple words, just like on a MySpace friends page. Wow. You want his top eight? Because I can give you his top eight. Well, there's Tom. Oh, he's still friends with Tom? Okay, so he's not on my page. Big fan of the Goo Goo Dolls. A lot of animated gifs on his page. I feel like he's... Can you picture a kind Ebeneezer Scrooge? Like, he's very nose in the books. I feel like he used to be very good at what he did, but the world kind of passed him by.

Guys like Harmon moved in and there's new techniques, and he's just like, "We're going to do it the way we did 50 years ago," that type of thing. And he's very focused on that, and he kind of went mad trying to chase that. Like, he's watching these charts trend down and down and down. It's like having a bad YouTube channel or something. He's like, "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing everything I used to do, and it's failing," that type of thing. So he probably got more and more focused in on that. Okay, yeah, so Cave's going to be like, "Yeah, I mean, I worked here," and he'll point to the other desk, Linda's desk now.

But he worked there, and we would talk a couple days a week. Yeah, I mean, you know, he was good people. He was good people. And he rest in peace. Absolutely. Do you know if he has any personal effects laying around? Anything of his that I should go through, collect, whether it's just family heirloom stuff or more important things related to the company? Yeah, I mean, his desk, we didn't really touch too much of it when he passed. So whatever's in there was his. Any of his stuff that wasn't work got put in the box and I think is probably in the closet in your bungalow, unless there's something Jason wants to tell me about.

He had a little cabin thing going on, and I imagine all his stuff was, like you said, all his stuff was gotten together. Okay, perfect. Thank you so much. Happy to help. What are we doing about these rubies? Well, what do you guys normally do when you find something as expensive as rubies? What's your standard operating procedures? Caves gonna like take a sit back and he knows at this point that neither floss nor Chapman is going to react to this the way that because this has never happened. So, like, caves gonna be like, Whoa, what are we normally doing?

He's gonna look at both of them and look back at Linda and be like, we get in there and we get some rubies. But first, we got to see what's in those other caves because maybe there's more rubies. I don't know, but we got to get to work. I agree. Floss will have not said anything probably for this whole beginning of the story. Like, Hey, hi, Linda, let me tell you everything. It's probably been a very long time. Been sitting very, very still. And he will lean forward and put a hand on Linda just very, very gently. Like maybe, you know, like on the knee or something like that.

And in a very jovial manner will say, I too love a good mystery. And then he's going to look at cave eagerly. And that's it. That's all he's going to be sort of like a and it was literally like gonna return that face as genuinely as he can, but he's not feeling it. So it's a little bit empty, but floss wouldn't notice. And he's going to do a big thumbs up and he's like, awesome. Okay. What's the plan? So this whole time Chapman was kind of like jotting down notes on a small like notepad that he like had in his back pocket. So he has hasn't been listening to the whole conversation at all.

And when cave says, what's the plan? He tears up a page from the little notebook and said, all right, here's the plan. And itemized list in the chat for you. Wow. Wow. There it is. Going above and beyond. I love it. Wow. This is itemized. This is perfect. This is incredible. We could build an expense report and everything, guys. Wow. It has a plan. So I can list it off for the listeners. So in order is ingredients for 10 potions of healing, 250 gold pieces, materials to restock five healer's kits. That sums up to 25 gold pieces. I think it's a rope 15. I think it's 25.

Some ash leaf, some andersage, some demon leaves, some stinkbark, some low tassel. It says here, bull moss and like in very violent letters, it says vital to my research, some willow mint, some icon root and then a bunch of drugs. There's three to four doses of orange, up to 320 gold pieces, some snake vein, 35 to 70 gold pieces and some blood root for good measure. 100 to 250 gold pieces. So I want to I want to remind you that you have 1300 gold in the business account. Excuse me, we have 13 gold and a big fuck off Ruby. That's true. That is true. Yes, yes, yes.

You do have that. You do have bartering tools. Okay, so. Yes, so Chapman hands the list to Linda and Caves going to look at that and then like look around it. Everybody is be like, does anybody. Let's go back in the tunnel, guys. I want to I really want to go look at those other two things. Does anybody want to come with me or do you guys like if you guys want to stay here, that's fine. I can get I can get spanky before you've even gotten halfway to the sentence floss has stood up and picked up his pickaxe. Okay. And is steering a cave. Well, assuming this is the only place of interest in the whole mine and nobody nobody's going to be working anywhere else, I might as well make a temporary clinic down there.

I'd rather be close to the patients when they're fresh. Yeah, you're specifically on watch out for badger duty. I've just hired you for that. You've got two jobs now. Yes, boss. There will be a bonus for you. And he'll like wink to Linda and then he'll make to leave, but he'll actually hold the door open for the other three to go first. Linda's like she like shakes her head with her hand like no, there's not there's not gonna there's not gonna be a bonus. We don't have that kind of money. I did I meet it Did I just meet spanky or was she not here in this little meeting.

She wasn't here but you will see her because she has questions. Perfect. I have questions for her. Fantastic. So, as you guys are leaving, you're heading back into the mind you're gonna hear that CAVE CAVE like it's like she has like a like she's calling a hog or something like that, that, that, you know, yes. So I imagine like the first couple times she says it he's going what what spanking what like, like she's just not hearing his response. It's never called then wait a second to see it's always like two three times rapid fire to just have kids I know exactly what that sounds like.

Yeah, so by the time she turns the corner and sees him he's gonna be looking at her like very expectantly like what you know there's a darn blasted door down here. Can you show it to me let's see it. Let's go find it. I mean it's right where the rubies where I can't believe you didn't see that you know sweet touch down in this cabin Come on. Okay, cool. Thank you spanky. She does not attack your bugs. No, good. Not only a hit point. She's got the barber other feet, so it's one before but it's damage. Ah, so she's, she's gonna she's gonna show you and then just kind of like wrap on it and you're gonna hear like it's it's so thick it doesn't even give an echo it's like a, like it's it's really quite reinforced.

Okay, perfect. Linda wants to go up and inspect the door herself. Okay, give me a perception. Okay, so you're gonna notice the etchings they're kind of like dug out a little bit and you're going to notice how very locked this door is, and how reinforced the entire thing is how it's kind of meant to blend in with the wall and it looks like it was buried either purposefully or accidentally. And it's all just kind of puzzling. The reason it's down here. Linda trace her fingers along the outline of the door how, how big is the door. I would say it's probably a good six and a half feet tall, and probably about four feet wide.

Oh, okay. It's a big door. Okay, she's gonna take her hands and like run her fingers over the etchings. So Linda does have comprehend languages. She can understand any written language that I see, but I must be touching the surface, except it doesn't decode secret messages in a text or glyph, such as an arcane sig sigil that isn't part of a written language. So if it's not like I think if it's not like an actual language then she wouldn't be able to tell what it is. She'll give it a shot. Well, it also takes one hour. You want to stay in here for an hour.

There's two other tunnels. Yeah, so she doesn't want to do anything with it quite yet. But she'll probably want to come back to it and like actually take her time and see if she can figure out what it says. I literally thought you're gonna like yeah you guys go ahead I'm gonna. That's the running bit. She brought a sandwich. Staring tently at this door for an hour you guys go put yourselves in harm's way. Every once in a while the chewing of egg salad just reverberates off of the cavern walls. Like I'm picturing Chapman with a bunch of material on floss here like a small tent or not even a full tent but just like a tarp and like sticks to like set up and like a little gurney a little little like straw mat on the floor and like he's starting to set up his stuff and like when he sees Linda is like not going to do that now.

Like he comes back up and just like leaves it leaves those there. So spanking would definitely if you guys were starting to walk away. What wait wait wait wait we're just leaving this door. This is the most interesting thing we found down here and forever. I don't think it's going anywhere. I promise we're not leaving the door. So here's what I'm thinking as a game plan. First, do I know do I know that spanking real name is Katie. Or did she just introduce herself as spanky probably spanky but like you might have seen it in paperwork. Okay, well she's not really comfortable calling spanky spanky.

So she's gonna point to her and be like, you. I want you to gather as much information as you can about rubies and the best way to extract them the best way to process them so we can figure out how we should take these out of the mind. Cave. I would like you to come back with me a little later to check out this door again. I don't I'm not ready to open it just yet. I would like to see if I can figure out what it means or what it says before we start playing around with it. Also, this door. I would like to keep as much of a not secret, but keep it on the down low as much as possible.

Now that we may have some people fingering around. We're going with that Susan with that Susan's here. Yes, we're going with fingering around our business. That's what we're yeah. Okay, cool, cool. You can take a second pass if you like that's fine. Putting your fingers in the pie isn't better. No, no. There's something about finger in the pudding. I think the expression that you're looking for is we have a lot of fingers and a lot of pies. Oh, well that's not what I mean. Well, that that's worse because I gave you an out and you rejected the lifesaver I threw at you.

This we are masturbating like that. Those are the options. I totally get what the expression you're trying to find out, but I also can't find it. I know that there is a finger based expression that applies here. There's your name of your episode the finger based expression, the finger based expression, a big bang theory in our business. Stop. Just, okay, how about we have a lot of irons in the fire. No, that's not what you're talking about. Just say it and let's move on. No, it's not what you meant but just say it. We got lucky lose. We got lucky lose. Fantastic.

I want this to be kept under wraps until we know what it is. And cave is going to turn and give a very pointed stare to spanking because I have a feeling she's a gossip. She's loud. Yeah, she's gonna do that glare at her you know the one where you're not going to say anything but you're saying all of it with the look. And she knows she knows what she is she's self aware. Well, okay, and she's gonna start to talk at regular volume which is kind of echoing it's like, I can start trying to pick this lock if you want. And she's kind of like bouncing up and down like it's like you want me to do my job when there's this like she's like she's kind of distracted.

Spanky, I'll make you a promise. When it's time to pick the lock. You will absolutely be first in line you can go and go for it. It ain't time. So I believe your new boss. I'll just give you something to do. And I'll eat my vegetables first. She'll go get to work, but like there's kind of that like kicking rocks like like that. Feeling that a lot of people here are used to being actually told what to do. Linda will be like, Oh, you should really check out the sandwiches in the cafeteria area I had one earlier it was very good. I guarantee you. If you said that to somebody, you know, you ate one of those, like it's, there's some there's some kind of like reaction I guarantee you, you're still here.

How much time do you have. So she's going to be looking into Ruby trades, I guess what's the what's the what's the market look like that type of thing. And like what sorts of tools, we would need because before rubies we had like iron. So just various or and stuff which is a little different because you're not really worried about breaking up right, you know what I mean like the rubies if you can get nice big like the one you're holding like their collectors that, you know, basically people just want to show off opulence right right and yeah man they would they would totally finger you guys for some of those rubies that you got.

I don't want to say that they're in it there. Yeah. Yeah, so I want to know like best practices and procedures, how we should go about this, what extra tools we may need that we don't currently have. She's on it. Perfect. You guys are checking out caves. Yes, I would now like to go down the different paths and see what else you have, because who knows, maybe there's two doors in the other pathway. Just opening to this one. Yep, it just wraps around. You guys are in some sort of cave cul de sac. Right. Yeah, I was gonna say Chapman looks at Linda and go like, you might the call boss.

So this would be basically the right portion, there's left and straight when you guys get to the. Where would you like to go. Well isn't straight, wait, straight is the way we went for with the door and everything right. Yeah, basically, so what I'm saying I'm just trying to make this easy. So, path one or path two. We but path two was the middle way. Listen, no, I'm talking about of the options left. Okay, oh what, yeah, so it's just a or b, one or two, pick one. Okay, let's go to the right. You're not working. Look, I have match for layouts and stuff like that but like, I'm not doing north, south, I'm not doing that because you can't see it all so it's just confusing.

The second one, whatever. One or two. Yes. You know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna give you guys a map, because this is quite an extensive bit of cabin. And you guys are, you're, you're, you're gonna do some exploring, it looks like. Linda has a hard hat on. Just an old metal helmet we found. Yeah. She's gonna decorate hers with like stickers maybe. And picturing Chapman Chapman's hard hat like there's no holes in any of the hats for his horns so he picked one that's a little too big. So the horns can fit so it's just a little wobbly rattling on top of. So you got yourself a deep dark spooky cave you got yourself some lighting.

So you can see in the deep dark spooky cave. Here's what I want you to do. I'm going to be telling you what's kind of popping up into your field of view and what's going on and you guys just tell me what you want to do and as a result. So you've been walking down this path for a while. And there's been numerous times you've had to duck down or crawl under something just to see if it's like oh is this a dead end is it and it keeps going a little further. And then it opens up into this, this expanse here. So, who would be in the lead. Who's your who's your spot checker.

I, I feel like I feel like floss is the is the tank of this group. Yeah, I think that no matter where floss is cave is standing behind him. So let's set it up that way. Let's, let's have a go. You know what I, there's no reason why floss wouldn't be carrying not only his pickaxe but also the torch as well he's going to be leading he probably would have that you know motion to Chapman at some point to take it right, unless, or or another one if Chapman wanted to have one in the back and floss could carry another. How about that. Sure, yeah. Easy to drop, you know, yeah.

I think we've got room in the budget for two torches. Right. Yeah. You guys are flush with cash now. So, do me a favor give me a perception check. Oh, that's good. That's good stuff. 13. So, this is a very moist cave. So, don't like that don't like it the second I said it. This is wet and damp, it's, it's, it's dank murky kind of kind of mildew smell in the end you're going to hear, like if you stop behind you you're going to hear like workers and like the ting ting of pickax and stuff and Jen genuinely after a while that's completely faded away right so you just got this sound like it's it's, it's, it kind of sounds like you're holding your ear up to like a conch shell or something it's just kind of like.

And every once in a while you hear the drip, drip, drip of water kind of cascading off of rock it's very minimal but you can definitely hear it. And as you walk forward. You'll be able to see the cave light up. And you'll be able to kind of check stuff out. You're going to start noticing little pools of water. And they don't look terribly deep maybe waist high, at most, right now. But you're also going to spot signs of some sort of scuffle. It's only here and there. You didn't really notice a lot of tracks leading in, but these look like deeper, deeper grooves, like maybe someone dug into push or fight or something and it looks like there's a lot of boot prints, kind of in a big circular pattern here and there so it looks like it starts from right about where you are now and continues deeper into the cave.

And then they kind of lose the trail a bit. This area was just opened up right something about an explosion and then we found like the this these cave systems right. Yep. So, cave is going to kneel down next to what you said look like boot prints that have like kind of dug their heels in, and what is the ground is it like gravel or sand, most of it's kind of a wet, a wet gravel kind of rocky. So you can see those boot prints it looks like it used to be like a very like a wet mud like a, you know, kind of almost swampy. Okay. But some of it is dried to the point where it's almost calcified like it's it's it's really like this looks to have been pretty old.

It's like a rock formation now almost. Almost. Yeah. So I have proficiency in investigation I wonder if that would be an appropriate skill for trying to kind of like follow the footprints and see. I want to Sherlock this a little bit, you know, yeah yeah yeah yeah we're gonna throw some typography and yeah we'll make you look real close up on me squinting a lot. Yeah, okay. God, it's an 11. I have not yet. That's look, you haven't had a lot of roles yet. 10 character. I think this is like the, like the beginning of any good mystery, it's like okay, we're going to throw some puzzle pieces on the table and we're not going to tell you if they all fit if they don't, you know, like, whatever but you do know that this space was just opened up obviously whatever happened here happened quite a while ago.

And it does look to you like there was some sort of scrap fight something, something here was massive, I would say, you're going to know that because there are not just the boot prints but you'll see little indentations in the rock where it looks like, like someone, it was a sword swing or an axe swing and it would chip the rock or leave, leave an impression there. Okay, so yeah, caves gonna kneel down and he's going to touch a couple of these spots and like, you know, be very thoughtful and kind of stroke his beard and move from one back to the other back to the first pick something up and examine it and he's going to look at the other three and he's going to go. I have no idea.

Let's keep going. Alright, Floss will just continue to push the way forward. Alright, well then you know what I need. I need another perception check please. Oh yeah. Lovely. Well that's a zero. Floss will continue down the path for a bit. And we'll say, looks the same here as it has been the entire time. What does he actually see? Good Lord. So there's, oh man, for the listeners. That was a, that was a two. But he's got a minus two, so that was a zero for perception. Well, that's not great, but okay. Here's what we're going to do. Can I get a dexterity saving throw from you please?

You sure can. Although I do want to let you know that I do have danger sense, which means that I have advantage on deck saving throws. Use that. I'm going to. That's a six. That was with advantage, huh? Yeah, I dropped a three. Well, okay. So here's what we're... So you're going to turn around and it's like, it looks the same as it, because as you're turning around, this mist is kind of covering up a trip wire. And you're going to hear it. It's like a, it's almost like this taunt piano wire. And the second you turn around, pink! You're going to hear that. And this cascade of small boulders is going to just kind of held up against the wall, just boom, and sweep Floss away and pin him against the opposite wall.

So it's just going to bury you, you know, bits and pieces of you. So let's, oh boy, let's do some damage. Seven. Seven damage. Seven damage. I even picture you finishing the sentence. That's exactly right. It's, it's, well, everything looks exactly the same. Silence with dust settling. Oh boy. What would the reaction be to that? For who? Well, okay. The party first, I imagine. I mean, like, I want to say like, Chapman would be concerned, but the scene in my head is that this happens, and like, from where the camera is, it just, like, Floss just eats shit and disappears from frame, and there's just the three of us just like, our head turns slowly, like, watching him leave the screen.

Yeah, honestly, I think that Kay would be, would be kind of like, without, he'd be like, "Oh my god!" And like, after a full moment, and start like, trying to pull rocks off to see if he can at least like, help Floss get an arm free, because Floss is stronger, so he can probably free himself faster, you know. Yeah, and like, Chapman would also help, like, double time once the cave goes. Linda's much more interested in the trip wire? Fair. 'Cause, listen, Floss is like, a robot. He's fine, you know? Or he's not, it doesn't matter. Yeah, not like he has feelings.

He's just like, one of the last of his kind. Well, I mean, from someone coming from Winterhaven, like, that's fair in character, I mean. You know what? That's fair, actually. They've been through some shit. Mm. That's probably true. I mean, all Floss would do is immediately start trying to, because I'm assuming his pickaxe would, he would be gripping onto that, is start to sort of wiggle that around to see if he can push things away from him at all. I imagine, like, it's not a very, it's not like you're buried up to your neck. Oh, okay. I thought maybe it was like...

It's like, bits and pieces, so like, your arm could be hanging, or it's like, "Ting, ting, ting!" Yeah. Like, just trying to, like, you know. You definitely have help, so it won't take long to get out of there. Just, it's... I imagine that we're, like, removing rocks until we get his pickaxe arm free, and then he starts swinging it, so we have to jump backwards and... [laughter] ...with no regard. Yeah, that's pretty accurate. Uh, Wyther, give me an investigation, if you're checking out tripwires. Ooh, investigation. Oh, and this is something, um, okay, so I have Jack of All Trades, and you get to add half your proficiency bonus to any ability check that you're not already proficient in, so I'm pretty sure this is going to be a, whatever this is, plus one, right?

Uh, let's just add that to all your stats. Yeah, you can click the star next to your skill until it's just half a star, to every skill that you don't have a star already. Yeah. Oh, does that add half my proficiency? Yep. So you're just going to have to go through the motions of doing all of them, except the ones you're already proficient in. Oh, okay, cool. Cool, thank you. Uh, so you said investigation? Investigation. Okay. Nine. Man, you guys. Yeah, we're super average, low day. Uh, this, hmm. This mechanism is going to look kind of familiar to Linda, just in terms of like, it's like, I know this craftsmanship.

Why do I know this craftsmanship? But probably not enough to like, piece it together, like it doesn't, like, you could feel it, it's familiar, but it doesn't stand out enough, you know? Mm-hmm. She's gonna relay that to the party. She's gonna say, "The way that this was made, I feel like I've seen something like this before. I don't know where, and I don't know when, but it just feels familiar." Cave. Did my great stump uncle Larry Mayhe, rest in peace, ever make trip wires? Just like, around the mines? For fun? [laughter] So he's gonna kind of take a moment and kind of think about it and be like, "You know, not once, not ever, no.

If your great step-uncle Larry-" Mayhe, rest in peace. Sure. If he ever made it into this weird tunnel, I would really hope he wouldn't be setting booby traps for the rest of us. How you doing, Floss? Are you okay to keep going, or do you need to go buff that out? Nope, all good on my end. I'm happy to go continue down the path. And he's going to, in a very chipper way, put his pickaxe over his shoulder. Chapman kind of like, does a look over. He kind of takes a look at the new dents in your body and kind of goes like, "Oh, you half-plaid, you've done it again.

Just be mindful of the mine, Floss. I've told you many times now, there's nothing I can do for you yet. But I'll get there, just give me time." I have no doubt at all, Mr. Chapman, and I appreciate that. Shall we push forward? Just, yes. Let me keep an eye out, will you? Of course, I do appreciate that. So Doc Chapman's taking the lead. Alright, can I get a perception check from the good doctor? Holy hell! How's the crit in 23? Uh, yeah, I feel like you're the hero we need. I am so sorry. I feel slighted. I feel like the victim. It's not my fault. So you're going to continue down this path and there's going to be a couple of really large puddles you're going to have to sidestep.

And you're going to see drag marks in the ground. This looks like maybe someone was injured? Maybe someone... maybe something happened in the mine, but you're going to see several sets of drag marks and they're leading into the mine. Deeper. So in the direction we were going anyway. Yeah. Well, whatever it was here, I hope it's not here anymore, but it's been collecting, as it were. Some of those bodies seem to have been dragged down deeper into this corridor. What a terrifying thing to say, thank you. You're welcome. Cave's going to stop for a minute and kind of just look out over one of these puddles.

I imagine like a small underwater lake type thing. Am I kind of picturing this right? Yeah, it looks like it's leading in from some other source. Yeah, which is weird because there's no bodies of water near here. Are there any creeks or rivers around here? There's like little rivers and stuff like that, but not... like this seems like some sort of underground well or something. Like if you guys have tapped into something. Okay. Do you want to take a look at the water? Like to see what the condition of it is? Yeah, I mean Cave kind of does. Like he doesn't want to fall behind the group, but he's going to take a minute if he can and kind of just crouch down and kind of, I guess inspect the water.

This section of water is pretty clean looking. Like it's fairly clear considering... so that tells you that it's not stagnant. Like there's almost a tide to it maybe. Like there's something... it's very interesting. It looks drinkable. To the naked eye. Hmm. Valerie is reacting. Okay, I'm gonna... he'll pull off a glove and he'll touch the water. I just want to see if it's like... is it like super cold? Is it warm? It could be like a hot spring I guess because the steam down here. Ah, unsent. This appears to be very cool. Like... like very chilled. Hmm. The good news is this place has been blocked off for a while.

So whatever happened here is hopefully gone now. That is how most problems are. They just work themselves out honestly. Exactly. Doc Chapman, can I get another... can I get another perception check? 15. 15. So check this out. You are going to get to a very narrow passageway. And the rest of you guys feel free to move your characters along if you if you have trouble seeing or whatever. Oh, yeah. You'll notice the water moves as well. Oh my god. It does. Wow. Spare no expense. So your torchlight is going to illuminate this really tight passage and you're gonna... you're gonna see that it almost looks like a room.

And you're gonna see a hand. There looks to be like a large rock formation or something. And over to the side of it you're gonna see like a hand laying open like that. Like someone fell backwards. And the rest of it looks to be obscured by that rock formation. Like a person's hand? Like with meat on it and everything? Like, well, yes a person's hand. Not a lot of meat on it. Ah, okay. Is this another one of those spider things? Cause isn't this exactly what happened when we found that spider thing? That there was a hand behind a thing? Getting deja vu from previous characters.

Everybody just gets a shudder. Maybe throw some werewolves at you, Val. Well, yeah, let's go get a little closer. Just a little, not touch it or anything. But at the very least try to identify what it is and what the causes of death are. And I let the party know that there's a... yeah, there's a dead body. How's the dead body? It's being blocked from view by the rock. Not because like we can't see that far or anything, right? Yeah, there's lots of stuff in the way of your light. So basically how it's represented on the map is pretty much what you're seeing.

It's like you've opened a door just slightly ajar in the middle of the night and you have light out here but nothing in there. It's like you're, you know, real telltale heart shit. If I theoretically were to have a can trip called dancing lights that makes little light orbs that I can move around, would that help us see the thing without us getting closer to it? It would definitely illuminate the situation a bit better, yeah. Okay. So then I'd like to do that. Alright. It's concentration up to one minute. And there are four torch-sized lights. I'll make them look like glowing orbs because that's more fun.

And it sheds a dim light in a 10-foot radius. The range is 120 feet. Ooh, that's good. So here's what we're going to do. I'm just going to take Linda's thing and I'm going to put Linda right in here to show you, to give you guys a better view. So it looks like there's a couple of different ways this path splits up, but you are going to see that that hand is definitely attached to an arm and it looks like it's attached to a body but it seems to be around this pillar. So you'd have to go in to see it. You're also going to see a few things skitter out of the way as that light goes in.

These look to be the deep dark cave creepy crawlies. So kind of insectoid looking things and they're going to kind of just kind of react to that light and get out of there. You said that it looks like it's been here for a while because it's like not very meaty and stuff. No. Okay. Well, I feel like we've seen all we need to see here guys. What do you say we head back up to the surface, grab lunch, call it a day? Oh, I'm full already. Thank you though. Okay. Yeah, I just don't want to die to creepy scaly cold blooded fish people. That's all. I'm also thinking that the spanky might get a little impatient when maybe we're there to go check up on her and then we can take a peek at the other path back at the beginning.

I'll be honest. I am. Every time I come down into the mines, I do tend to not come back out again. I wouldn't mind a bit of rest. You guys want to bail? I'm not creeped out. I'm just worried. There's a little bit too not much happening to make me feel... Does that make sense? Floss is saying that and he's got parts just dangling off. He's got some broken fingers. In my medical opinion, he's in a bad shape right now. Physically, he's in a bad spot. Technically and mechanically, I'm a hit away from death if the right thing hits. Floss will lean over to Linda and say, "I do hate to abandon our mystery, but I am very curious about how much unexplored cave there actually is here." And then he'll look at Cave.

Oh, me? Yeah, he's kind of glancing around a little bit nervously. He keeps kind of looking over at that hand. He's like, "I want to know what's going on here, but I don't want to know so bad I'd die about it." Cave, if you want, we can eventually establish a smaller outpost here. If the hand is still here, we can take a look at it. I can examine it. But if it's not here, then let's not come back here. Yeah, I agree. If it's not here, then we've got zombies and we're sealing this tunnel back off. Yeah, okay. Well, this has been great, guys. And he's going to clap his hands and be like, "Let's... back to the surface." Okay, so how about we stop going to this area for now?

Maybe tomorrow or within the next couple of days we come back with a little bit of some other workers that we love and trust? Red shirts. Preferably ones that we don't know the names of. To help us explore the rest of this, since it does seem like there's a lot more to go. Perfect. I love it. Yeah, Chapman tips his hat. Floss starts walking out. Okay, bye! There's a Simpsons bit where they're doing a museum tour. It was basically their version of the Alamo, something like that. And it's like, yeah, they were surrounded and they were all going to be murdered unless they sent out their leader.

And they did that. They all lived. That's why it's called Fort Sensible. And that is exactly what I feel about this group right now. It's like, yeah! Hey listeners, if you hated that, let me know. DM me. Tag me in Discord. Let me know how much you hated that we just quit. Hey, it's called mapping. We'll get back to you. We know it exists. You live here, basically. In games, what do you do normally? Do you always go all the way until you hit a wall? Or do you always explore every new thread? I personally explore all the first threads, and then I go one tier further in each.

That's how I do it. I do the Minecraft thing. I go as far as I think I can go, and then you sweat all the way until you get back home. It's like, "Oh, my stuff is safe. Okay, cool." And then you do it again. Yeah, no. You guys are fine. You're level two. It's fine. You know what? This was a very level two sensible decision. I honestly think so. I agree. I mean, it's also in character, because it's not like you guys are real gung-ho. It's like, "Mm, mm, okay." And there's not a time limit that we have or anything either. No! I mean, we might have spells that can heal floss.

We might have that. Someone might have Cure Wounds or something. That could help us go further down the line right now. Yeah, there's nothing we can do. But I, as a medical professional, I cannot help a robot. Linda's still in orientation. We're still doing the paperwork stage of day one. It really has been three episodes and one day so far still. So you guys are heading out. When we get back to the part where it splits off, I was wondering if we could rope off this area and put a sign that says "Employees Only" or something. I mean, everyone's an employee.

I know. Managers only. Yeah, okay. Yeah, you could definitely do that. It's just kind of a, "See? Okay, yes, you can do that." And I think you want to add an addendum because most of your employees would be like, "Yeah, that's above my pay grade." Some people in this crew would instantly be much more interested because you told them they can't go there. I would write their specific name on the sign. Especially you, Jeff. Right, like it's poison gas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, poison gas is good. You know what I mean? It was a gas leak. Get out of there. So, keep your heads out.

Yeah, let's be honest. Like, possible monsters. At the very least, booby traps. Bigger badgers. Oh, what about just danger? You know what? Sometimes the classics work. The classics are classic for a reason. So, you guys are heading out and you're gonna hear... CAVE! CAVE! God, Spanky... he's gonna start calling me back. What? What? All the way down. So, I was checking out the Ruby situation and we got ourselves, well pardon the expression, a gold mine here. I got a friend who might be able to help us out. We'd have to go to the city. We'd have to go up Newbury. But, I think...

I think we could trade these Rubies. Yeah, I hope we can trade these Rubies. Who's your friend? Why do we... yeah. Who's your friend? Well, okay. You know how I used to be... sort of an asshole? I used to kind of steal from people here and there. Sure, yeah. Well, this is more... this was a former colleague. Okay. But they could definitely get us a good price. It'd be totally legit. Above board. He's gonna do that hard squint at her when she says that? How above board? All the way? Or like... All the way! I mean, we obtained all this legally. This is our property. The way you say it makes us sound guilty even though we're not.

Look, I've had to explain my actions to a lot of town guards, Sugar. So just... just ride with me on this. Okay, so your friend is in Newbury and can help us move these Rubies. Is that correct? Mm-hmm. Okay. Um... He'll kind of glance over at Linda and make a face like, "I don't see why not. We don't have a better option." That sounds good. How... is the easiest way to get into contact with this person by going there ourselves or sending a letter? I mean, we could send a letter. Probably be a couple weeks before we get anything. I think we send Spanky. What do you think, Spanky?

It's your friend. You... you're okay with that, boss lady? Yeah, if they know you, then they're going to be the most amicable with you. Assuming you have an amicable relationship? Oh, yeah, me and Slit Throat go back years. Trust me. It's fine. I hate what you just said. Can you say that again? Their name is Slit Throat? Slit Throat. It's like a cutesy name. It's like calling a big guy tiny. I like it. Trust me. He's a huggable little Shugbear. Okay, then I think it's a great idea for you to go figure out what they need from us, what we need from them, and we'll start getting things going.

All the confidence is drained out of cave. [laughter] Totally above board. He's going to... I assume we're still in the mine. He's actually going to reach over and chip off one of the smaller rubies from the freaking cave wall that's just littered with them. You can present this as payment, and if Slit Throat can actually help us, then there's more where that came from. But this is all he gets for showing up. Okay, I want you to know I did this for you. I specifically tried to make it sound like the most Rob Liefeld creation in the mid-90s as I could. Oh no, if this dude shows up with a lot of pouches...

Pouches everywhere, just pouches. Like a sword with one handle and two blades sticking out of it. [laughter] And a really long ponytail that's on the top of his head. Long, flung bandanas. Jesus Christ. Alright, well my entire opinion has been changed then. That's fine. [laughter] He's so 90s cool. Cave doesn't like him, but I love him. [laughter] He's got muscles in places they don't belong. [laughter] His pecs have abs. [laughter] So I did a good job here, right? Uh, yeah. Yeah, good is... good is... yes, you did good. Can I please just take one crack at that door?

If I can't crack it right now, then I'll just go and I'll think about it while I'm heading up the duper. Yeah, you know what? You know what? I've seen a lot today. I would love to see what's on the other side of that door. You knock yourself out. Ah, finally. Like, see, her whole body relaxes. It's like, "Ugh, fine. Oh, okay, good." So she's got this monogrammed pouch that she's gonna bring out and just kind of roll out old dentist equipment. It's just a bunch of different thieves' tools. All kinds of picks and scrapers, little tongs, and all kinds of shit.

And she's looking in this... she's looking in here and it's like, "Alright, alright." Well, I'll tell you what, whatever they got in here, they did not want anybody getting through, but that ain't gonna stop me. Hold on, Spanky. I'm gonna stop you right there. Uh, Linda, didn't you want to write those scriptures beforehand? I'm also curious what they mean. Yes, but if Spanky feels like she can gently loosen the lock, then we can do that. But if there's any issues that come up, and she's looking at Spanky, I'd like you to stop. Does that sound okay? Okay, so I want to paint a picture.

So again, that total relaxation. She's busting out her kit, and it's like, "Alright, here we go." Hold on! It's just... it's like, "Oh my god!" She is going to exuberantly... it's like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's fine. Trust me. Look, I'm not known for getting caught doing things, except for that last time. Now, let's do this!" Alright, Chapman kind of quickly licks his lips and goes, "I'll get my clinic ready." So she keeps looking down into this lock to make sure that she's... it's like, "Okay, I've just got to line up these tumblers. Okay, okay." And the entire time, she's adjusting her tools, and she's looking for that click, that one.

It's like, "Okay." She keeps bending down and looking in, and all of a sudden this eight-inch spike is going to drive through her eye, and her entire body is going to go slack. Well... Hold on, Spanky, I'm not finished here! He's going to open mouth, just stare, and then turn and stare at Chapman, and then turn back and stare. Chapman's going to roll his eyes and throw his hands in the air and hurry up and undo his cuffs, buttons, and roll up his sleeves. He's got these very wrinkly forearms and this bracelet on one arm, and he runs up to Spanky, and basically I'm going to assess if Spanky's alive or dead.

So not alive. What's the most un-alive you've ever seen? This. I have seen un-alive. By the way, I cannot capture in audio the facial expressions of everybody, but I might post that by itself. So Chapman runs up to Spanky, checks her pulse, removes her head from the spike, and looks through the hole through the head, and he gently puts her down on the ground, looks at Cave, and says, "Oh, Kyve, I'm so, so sorry. You're going to have to find another buyer." And as you pull this body off, it's probably like you gotta twist the head a bit. It's like... And this spike is just coated in this thick, visceral blood and brain matter, and the spike, after you do that, is going to slowly retract into the door, and then the keyhole is just coated in blood.

You want me to try? [laughter] You think you could do better? Um, okay, no. Actually, no one else is going to touch this door unless I say they can. Um, Dr. Chapman, please, um, take care of Spanky the best that you can, and Floss, you help him do that. Chapman will smile and nod, and he looks at Floss and kind of like does a head motion, like, "Alright, help me out." Yep, and Floss will offer, just with gestures, to carry Spanky, and he'll look Chapman in the eye and, "Off to the med tent." He'll nod, "Yes, yes, the med tent." And then he'll... Is this a thing...

Oh, I'm so sorry. No, no, no, he'll just lead the way kind of a thing. He'll follow behind. Is this a thing where Linda's a cool head in crisis, or is she kind of visibly shaken at this? She's in shock because she's seen like four fucking people die today. [laughter] It's a well-oiled machine here. I like Spanky, too. That's really too bad. I'm sad. I'm upset. I'm sorry. I imagine as Floss and Chapman are leading Spanky's body, Slappy works in the other mineshaft. It's fine. But as they're carrying Spanky's body out of there and Linda is composing herself, Cave, just behind her, is just taking a huge swig from his flask.

It's like, "Well, we gotta find another person to do whatever she did." How... I have a very important question to ask you, Cave. Okay. How often do people die here? Well, today's been an eventful day. I'm gonna take another swig of a swask. So do you wanna try to read that thing, or should we... I wanna try and read it. I'm gonna have Cave... I wanna read it. I want Cave to stay with me and look over my shoulder and make sure no zombies or badgers or just other people interrupt me while I take my time and figure out what this thing says because whatever's inside is obviously very, very valuable.

Just stay away from that keyhole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's a good time for us to stop for the night. But can't we keep going? Soon enough, soon enough. Can I fucking say you guys are just nailing this, seriously? Like, holy shit. I'm... I'm glad we came back from that tunnel just for this. Sorry, Val. We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors. Please don't go anywhere. We really hope you guys enjoyed the very first episode of the year 2021. Like I said at the top of the show, we're crazy excited about this year. We're hoping to get back to some type of normal.

Maybe go to some cons, see you guys again, and just shake your hands and hang out. In the meantime, you can send us an email at dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's dandrpodcast@gmail.com. And let us know what your opinions of the show are, what we're doing right, what we're doing wrong, or if you just want to shoot the breeze. I try to get back to everyone in a fairly timely fashion. You can also check us out on Patreon if you want to support the show and keep our lights on at patreon.com/dandr. This month we're going to be posting the formations of each of the groups, everyone's character roll-ups, the deals I made with them, all that stuff.

It's mostly just shooting the breeze and hanging out. But it gives you guys some insight into how these groups were formed, if you're into that kind of thing. And one more thing before we go, we are getting ready to launch a Kickstarter at the end of January. That's right, we're finally making a comic book. It's all about the White Ravens and things that happened while Group 1 was away. You'll be hearing about that very shortly. But until then, please take care of yourselves, and we'll see you next week with a brand new episode. Good luck with your games.