I've Got You Under My Skin

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[clattering] [clattering] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+.

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] Did... With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Howdy everybody out there. Welcome to another brand new episode of Dungeons & Randomness. Thank you for listening and we really hope your week is going fantastically so far.

Before we get started today, I wanted to remind everybody out there that we do have a Kickstarter going on right now. The White Ravens comic book is live. You can read the first six completed colored pages ready to go right now. It's attached to the campaign on Kickstarter. We're over the halfway point and we really wanted to thank everybody who's helped support this, who's helped get the word out and spread that link around. We really, really appreciate you guys. Thank you so, so much. Our very first Community Spotlight episode went up just a couple of days ago too.

We were lucky enough to get people from the Darkmoor Podcast Network on and we're already working on getting a few other people together too. We have one coming up that we think you guys are really going to enjoy. And if you guys got suggestions for people you'd like us to interview or talk to or play with, send us an email at dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's dandrpodcast@gmail.com. And we'll try and reach out to those people and see if they're interested in doing a collaboration. We got a brand new Vanguard episode for you guys today. But before we get to that, let's listen to a couple of words from our sponsors.

Please don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table. Start with Ian. I'm Ian. He/him. And I'm playing Corvus Eben, Shovel Cleric. And Lisa. Hey, I'm Lisa and I play Vella, the Minotaur Rogue. And Ryan. Hey, I'm Ryan and I play Yegman, the Gnome Paladin. And James. Hello, it's James and I play Gaius Reim, the Human Druid. And last and certainly not least, Susan. Hey, I'm Susan and I play Yalna Elri, the Quar Artificer. So I have it written down, but I don't like to assign blame.

So I don't usually put that in my notes. Who rolled a six? If it's a bad roll, I'm going to say it's probably me. Okay, so... Oh, I think it was James. When? What? At the end of the last game? You know what? For a second I thought that was Susan's like, "Oh, I thought that was me." It's like, "I thought it was James." I don't know. But to be honest, we had a holiday break. There was a new year. Yeah, no, look, look, I don't remember. That was 2020. That's... It's almost written based on the first two episodes, available now. This isn't about blame, Susan. You're the one who said it's about blame.

Okay, then I'm just going to agree with Susan and say it's James' fault then. Okay, all right. There will be one bad roll that's not my fault. So that will come up. We'll be dealing with that six at some point. But first, let me share this map with you guys, which, boop. If you zoom in on those two little dots, one of those is Sont, the lower one. The one you're moving up toward is... Well, it's slightly dangerous. We talked about the apes, the very dangerous, angry apes. And you would be moving closer north, which is great, because you want to investigate that noise.

You want to see what's going on and figure out why there's been so many weird anomalies and stuff. Now, I need to know who would be in the lead. Who's leading the party? Who's leading the charge? Because this leg of the journey is going to be over a big, flat plane, which is good in terms of elevation. Obviously, the higher you go, the harder it is to breathe. The air gets thinner and all that. But it kind of leaves you exposed to the elements. Also, something trying to track you? Oh boy, would it be easy, because you're going to be the tallest thing. That being said, who's in the lead?

Hmm... Yegman wouldn't hesitate to be in the lead, but if anybody volunteered, he wouldn't fight for the lead position. That makes me so happy to have Yegman just like, "Hm! Hm! Hm!" Just marching along. Maybe humming a tune, too. Especially the Yegman in your artwork there. I'd follow that guy! He's very confident. Oh, absolutely. I trust that mustache. Yeah, I do. I'm trying to literally follow in his footsteps so that they don't sink into the snowdrift as much. Yeah, it has started snowing and has not let up. It's not always blistering and in your face, but it is constantly snowing.

So if you're trying to follow tracks or something like that, it's going to be tough. I'd say for a regular, let's say, 5'10" human, the snow is probably going to be almost up to your knee in places. So if you're, say, a halfling or a dwarf or a gnome, you're going to have a tough time. So you're basically saying chunky gnome Yegman is just going to be digging a trench as he just goes about it. You know what makes it harder? If you're traveling light, that's one thing. Obviously you've got to wear heavy furs and stuff like that because you'll freeze to death otherwise.

But it's when you have shields and stuff like that, it gets caught on the snow. It really takes it out of you. He's probably using the shovel or the snow as a bigger shovel to help clear. He has the magical shovel, but it's not big enough for the snow. Right. You've got to use your shield. So good news is you guys are wearing heavy furs and stuff like that. So that's going to negate the constantly rolling to see if you catch some exhaustion. What I will have you do is probably roll some kind of constitution save every couple of hours just to see how much this is taking out of you.

And I'll probably start with the person in the lead and then we'll just check every couple of hours to see what's going on. Because while you guys won't freeze to death, that doesn't mean you're going to make good time in this kind of weather. It's going to be slow and arduous. But hey, it's an adventure. Right. So do me a favor, actually. Let's start. Let's start with the Eggman. Give me a constitution saving throw. Let's see how long you can keep that. Right. Oh, 10. OK. Well, I'd say you make it a couple of hours and you're like, all right, all right, hold on, hold on.

Let's let's stop for a minute. Hmm. All right. I mean, I mean, he's he's older. He's up there, so probably get to the point of like, ah, OK. Just kind of like raising a finger up in the air. Uh, break time. Break, break, break time. I need a break. And they just plops down. Could you give me a D 20, but thrown in the dice tower, please? Yeah, that's happening. All right. Mysterious D 20 rolled. Good. OK, so this is going to be mostly wide open. Right. But there's patches of trees, not thick, like forest type of patches, but very, very kind of sparse. It cuts the wind down a little bit, but it doesn't do much to, you know, to block the elements from you guys.

But you will see that there's there's a little bit of greenery in this area, like just a little bit. And there may be some herbs in here that could come in handy. Honestly, in a place like Kien, when you're dealing with, you know, illness or death or something like that and you're looking for herbs, it's a really tough place to find it. They they do import, but it's really tough to get anything to deliver out here. So I would take the opportunity when you get. Who has a good nature? Hmm. I have an OK nature. So I know there you go. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm proficient, but I have a minus one. Fucking what? I think it's do I still get that plus two as well, Jason? Last episode, Yolna spent all night studying and now she's plus two nature. I would say that this this plays into that pretty well, right? Like this is this is almost that travel map when you're when you're in a new state. It's like, well, on the road, keep an eye out for this. You know, don't die. I have a plus nine job. Well, yeah, I would definitely like he would be sitting down, but like kind of raise his hand up. That's just above kind of the level of the snow and point over that way to everybody else.

If somebody is exactly if everyone else looks at it, it's just a little periscope of finger just pointing above. I like take I like take the shovel out of your hand so you can have a rest for a minute. Just like I'm holding two shovels now. It's all this nature. Yeah, please. Oh, 15. That's not bad at all. Let's take that 15. It's really deceptive because in the roll tray, it says D 20 plus whatever you rolled. So, yeah. Oh, 20 plus. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it is. You're going to find some interesting looking berries. Around the base of some of these trees, I'd say four or five.

There's going to be these little sprigs of pointed leaves. Like when I say pointed, I don't mean just in shape. I mean, there are literal thorns coming off the side of some of these some of these some of these petals, almost like an open Venus fly trap type of thing. And inside, they're going to be a line of berries, almost like peas in a pod, but it's it's it's open. These berries are going to have a soft blue tint to them, but they almost look frosted like they they they almost look like they're kind of sprinkled with sugar. Do I know what they are?

You do know what they are? Okay. So there are two things here that you could harvest. Obviously, there's the berries and the leaves themselves. So the berries are called canna berries and they are edible, but they have known to that they have been known to cause some indigestion with people who have very weak constitutions. They can cause a lot of lactose intolerance, you know, that type of thing. And they they can give violent diarrhea, but they also have been known to promote energy like they're that people people pop them. It's a caffeine almost like it's like, oh, man, these berries really give you a pep in your step, that type of thing.

And for the purposes of, let's say, meta, I would ask for a constitution saving throw. And if you don't beef it, I'm talking really beef it. You get an advantage on any constitution saving throw that I ask for the next 24 hours. Don't beef that roll, though. The leaf, actually, the leaf has been known to be drinkable. Like if you like if you boil it in water, it's like a tea almost. And it has soothing properties. It helps. It helps put someone to sleep at night, especially in an area like this. And it actually helps. It helps kind of capture warmth. So if you were to, let's say, boil these up, make tea and drink it, you you would probably fall asleep, but you'd have an advantage to any saving throws that would relate to, you know, the cold frostbite exhaustion, that type of thing for 12 hours.

All that will harvest everything she can. Fantastic. And then it explodes. I think Kormis would ask you, like, would these make a good tea? Anything in here? I've never seen this plant before. It's a kind of a weak constitution, but they can give you energy and keep you going through this frozen tundra. And what's the kind of like, flavor profile on the tea? Earthy, flowery? It actually has a very sweet, a very sweet taste, almost like it's naturally flavored with like a honey. It is, if you were to just pop one of these leaves in your mouth, you probably wouldn't really get too much benefit from it, but it can be like a treat.

Like, it's almost like aloe. You can break it open and you can actually like, like, feel it. If I had to compare it to something, I would say it's probably like, it's almost the same taste as like a Werther's Original. Like, kind of butterscotch-y, kind of honey, you know what I mean? Very savory, very like, mmm, that's good. I'll take that now. So, Alna will hand one to Kormis. Here, try it. The flavors only get concentrated once boiled. He like, takes it gingerly and like, breaks the leaf and like, puts it up to his nose and smells it and then like, chews on it a little bit.

And he's like, and you can just see like, you see him visibly relax. Old people keep a few in their sweaters. It's very good. So, the conibaries you know about, these are called cuddle leaves because it's what it's usually described to as somebody. It's like, oh, you know, when there's a roaring fire and there's like a cuddle pile to keep warm? It's like that, but in tea form. You drink it. That is fantastic. Yeah, I'd love to, I'd love to pick some. I'd love to, I'd love to try maybe there's a blend with jasmine or something. The combinations are endless.

How about we partake of these this evening then, when we camp down for the night? And then I guess she'll pack them away. Also give Courtnemist a few treats of them, just to have to nibble on throughout the journey today. Yeah, I'd say you harvest enough to make a couple of really good pots of tea and then a few extra just to like, suck on. Okay. The berries you've probably, you probably got a good handful of them, like, if you would like enough for all of you to have four or five, you know what I mean if you wanted, which it's not like you take one and your heart's going to explode like, you know, it, you'd need a few to actually feel the effects.

So, Ulna would give those out to everyone and say to them as she's handing them, again, I do not recommend this for anyone with a weak constitution. But it will give you extra energy. And Ulna will take one. She has a good constitution. Should I roll it? Uh, yes. Con save? Were these the berries? Yes. Yegman would take one. So, okay, I need as long as you don't be, holy shit. That's a 26. You're fine. You're fine. I was looking at more like a five or something. I saw it and went past it. Yeah, you're fine. You're good. You almost look back around. How long does the, how long does the con save last?

Is it like a couple hours? 24 hours. Oh, 24 hours. Yeah. I'm taking that sucker now. It's enough that you'd risk shitting yourself for it. No! Oh no! Risk granted. Ryan. He just like... It's just like that sudden... I mean, to be fair, he hits a six total, so that's more than the five. I was... How? How? How does this happen to me? That's at least a good short then. That's, yeah. That's... Okay, you guys, let's say you take an hour for a nice short rest. And, you know, you're, you're, you're, you're getting warm. You're like, okay, I'm ready to hit the road. You had these berries about 30 minutes ago.

And even with the wind and the crunching of snow underneath your feet, and you guys are just kind of like you're, you're, you're kind of getting ready. Everybody's standing up and you're going to hear a noise. And it's Yegman's stomach. It's kind of a... [Yegman's stomach growls] And... Yegman's going to make a face. Here's what I need you to do. I'm going to... Okay, you have two chances to save this. Two chances, Ryan. Are you ready? Okay. I mean, I can't help a crit man to not shit yourself in 2021. It absolutely is. Okay, here's, here's what's going to happen.

Okay. Okay. All right. I need you to roll a d6. Okay. On a four, five or six, we have a problem. On a one, two or three, it's not that bad. Okay. So one, two or three, one, two or three. So I mean, this, this should be my favorite. Normally I roll low. So there were... Oh God. Okay. Okay. It's a one. It's a one. It flashed as a five and then like twitched over to a one. I saw that. Okay. So I would say you're not out of the woods yet. This is going to come up later. But Yegman probably needs to dip behind a tree very quickly. Like very quickly. It's like, excuse me, and just trot off.

Okay. All right. Describe this however you'd like. Yeah, let me. Okay. Sound effects will be added later. It's fine. Okay. All right. So this is definitely what he's going to be doing then. So out of nowhere, he's going to snatch the shovel out of Corvus's head and go, excuse me, and dig a hole around. So there's this little wall and he's just going to, he's going to have it over there. Wait, wait, wait. They can't see him to begin with. In the middle of the camp? No, he's going to go out as far as he can. Oh, okay. So that way, like he's just literally just creating a tunnel as fast as he can.

And then as soon as it starts to hit, he just turns to the side, like digs just a little bit left, and then just goes right there. So I need to make sure that my, my imagination is in line with yours. You're digging a pit that you are in to poop in? No, so he's, sorry. So he's, the snow is like up to his waist, right? Right. So he's digging that out as he's like walking to try to like get distance. Okay. And as soon as it feels like can't hold it anymore, right? We've got to that pinnacle point. Okay. No return. He's going to turn to the side, start to dig to a little bit to the left to kind of clear a spot.

And then he's just going to dip below the line of the snow. Man, all this sounds uncomfortable. I got to level with you. Can you imagine? Okay. What else are you supposed to do? No, no, no, no, no. I'm with you. I'm not. I'm just saying. I mean, if you're already in a bad situation, weather wise, right? Now you have cold butt cheeks and. Yeah. And you know what? You, you can't even adequately clean yourself up. But let's say by visiting hellotushy.com/randomness and getting 10% off of a day or something like you can't. You can't even do that. That's thank you. He's got snow everywhere.

I mean, yes. No, it's I mean, he's probably going to be over there for a little bit and you're probably going to hear like a. Don't know. We're probably going to hear more than that. Explosive diarrhea is noisy. I don't want to go there. This is just his noises that comes out of his mouth. You're going to hear that probably a couple of times. Just a bunch of coughing like. Flushing noises. Try to hide it. You know what? We're we're already there. Give me a one D 10 and let's see, like on a decibel level, what we're talking about here. Like what? That's three. That's not too bad.

That's not too bad. That's just, you know, I think. OK. You know, when you have friends over and someone has to use a bathroom, but you're in a small apartment because we're all millennials and we're poor. So there's always that nice thing that millennials do. It's like, yes, whether like we're you know, we're trying to ignore the fact that I can hear someone in the next room. So this is that. But you're all outside. Oh, yeah. And you have nice tea. He's probably going to be over there for a little bit and then use the snow as much as possible to clean up, you know, and all that.

And then probably so he's going to come back from this hallway that he just dug. Excuse me. And then just go sit down and act like nothing happened. I'll take over the shoveling for the for the next leg. Oh, just yet. Thank you. You know, I mean, just just for about, you know, maybe the next hour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK. OK. He's going to like kind of like look away for a second and look back at you and just give you like a little wink. Like, thank you. I've worked with, you know, the dead. I've seen much worse. It's. Listen, I'm old, but I'm not dead. That is. Well, that is very evident.

We could definitely hear you alive out there. Living and and. Yeah, probably just looks down and then back up and just kind of like nods his head a little bit like, yep. And that's something to celebrate. Something to celebrate. You guys are going to make pretty decent time for the next three or four hours. You if I had to place you in a spot on that map, you'd be about a third of the way to your destination. I need everybody to do me a favor and give me a perception check. Yeah. Oh, wow. Where was that a few minutes ago? I mean, maybe my body just like, you know, shit yourself.

Good. Danger. No, we need to pay attention to that. Now you have all the distractions out. Yeah. I like to think Yana and Velma Vela are in the back just like having a conversation or something. We're just like, yeah. You see that? Yeggman guy, you just do you hear that shotgun? Is it bad that I'm kind of impressed? Like, so what do thieves do? I've never heard of these before. Is stealing your vocabulary? You could steal someone's heart. That's what I do. So Yama and Vela with a two and a four, you guys are going to be back there and just kind of, you know, hanging out.

Literally everyone else in the party. It's going to take you a while. But you remember how I said this terrain is fairly flat? That benefits you in certain situations. There's going to be this cresting hill, probably 10, 15 feet up, and you're just going to catch something moving. On your right hand side. And I imagine it's one of those things where the three of you are just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And you probably stand there for a good two or three minutes. Just just it's like I know I saw something. And you're going to see a few of these creatures. They at first you think maybe they're wolves, but they're far too big to be wolves.

And they have these arched backs, almost like almost like a like a cat raising their back type of thing. You know, big tufts of of patchy, sharp looking fur and long, long snouts. And they are watching you, absolutely watching you, and they've probably been stalking you for a while. What would you like to do? It's one of those things where they've crouched down now and their their fur largely matches the surrounding areas. But you could definitely make out that kind of a tan snout and those eyes like these black, soulless eyes. Gaius would probably look to the resident expert.

Who hasn't seen anything. Do what now? And just like he would, well, he would look back and say, those critters over there, friends of yours. So Alma looks over and what are they, Jason? These are snow works. A particularly nasty creature up here. They have been known to hunt and kill for the joy of it. They don't even need to be hungry. How do they compare to polar bears? Well, they're a lot faster. Can they be scared off with fire? Is that something? I mean, it would have to be a pretty good display. But yeah, like if, say, you wanted to roll some sort of intimidation type of thing.

How intimidating is Yellma? Would you say? Negative four. Excellent. I think that I think that tracks honestly. Would that be something that you're like, OK, well, they're scared of like are you like talking about this out loud? Well, I have a cantrip crepe bonfire and I was just going to create it in front of them, but she's not very scary. But she wouldn't know that. I mean, yeah, I mean, because I have minor illusion where I can a five by five bonfire. I can also produce flame. We just make a lot of fire. Oh, look, I have sacred flame. Yeah, we'll just start shooting.

Everybody stand back to back to back. That's how it's how we handle any. I mean, we get like quadruple advantage if we do that. Well, actually, all I would probably say I'm going to try to create fire to scare them off. And then maybe that would prompt everyone else to do the same. Everyone who could create fire. So I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's not like you have fireball. All of you basically have letter. So like I have imaginary lighter. It's just a minor illusion. I have like a big lighter built into my finger. Well, pretty cool. It's funny you say that.

So Alma takes out from one of her pouches on her belt, a little metal rectangle, and she pops open the top. And then there's this wheel on it and she flicks it and flame comes out and she throws it. And where it lands, a bonfire appears. How big is this fire? Five foot cube. Wow. OK, so I would make it five feet taller. Can you add onto a fire or is it like my fire? No, I'll just make it seem like I'll add a fire on top of a fire and make it seem like it's 10 feet. OK. OK. Because that's all Yegman can do. Yeah. OK. Yona, give me give me an intimidation check with advantage.

I'll deal like those. Hey, 14, that's really good for negative four. That's not bad. So, OK, these things are going to stalk you for a while and you get the vibe that there was like a 50/50 chance that that fire would call them in because they would go, oh, they're making camp. Let's eat them. But you you've stopped. You made eye contact with them and they just not worth it. And they just kind of like skulk away and you watch them slink off and go. So it looks as though they have stopped tracking you. Congratulations. This is when Corvus finally like like exhales.

You've been holding your breath this entire time. OK. That looks right there with you. She's like, Jesus Christ. We're holding hands. We're in the back like, go fire boys, go. I want to give you guys some good news, but there's one more thing we got to do before we move on. I said that it had been some amount of hours. Ryan, you know what's coming. I need you to give me a favor. Check. Just give me a Constitution saving throw. As long as it isn't in the single digits, there's nothing to worry about. There is. Well, here's it was almost 70. It was instead of the three.

So, OK, the good news is this is the last of it. So how how do I how do I put this tastefully for our listenership? Have you ever watched a fireworks display and toward the end, they just kind of fire off whatever laying around? You're saying my colon is doing that. Yes. OK. I am now here's what we're going to do. I'm basically going to have you roll a clench check. OK, you don't want to keep that in. Well, I mean, maybe just until you waddle your way to another like frost hole. OK. All right. Let's do what I got to roll. OK, give me a D six again. You're you're looking for a one, two or three.

You want a little roll. You want. I don't I don't want to see this. OK. It's a one. OK. Now, I think the same thing's going to happen. You may have had to stop two or three times in the last in the last in every single time. He does the same thing to where he starts to shovel off to the side. He yells out. Halt as he just keeps going to the side and he does your hands in view because that looked different off camera. OK, well, I'm just like, there you go. That's yeah, that's right. This is why we don't have cameras on. No, I know. No, any other time it would be like he's going to go to the side and then just, you know, so maybe that's what he does.

I don't know. So you're going to go off to the side. I need you to roll a one to ten with advantage this time. This is the end. This is this is the absolute no more of these checks, no more of this silliness advantage that I clicked advantage. OK. OK, so eight. There are going to be noises coming both from Yegman and Yegman's mouth that. It's a good thing those wargs went away. Because it sounds like a wounded animal at times there. There's praying to gods. There's sometimes it sounds like a car backfiring. There's a lot. There's a lot going on. And I would say after a good 20 minutes.

I have a question, Jason. OK. How cold is it? All my balls are frozen. We're putting that out there like that. I don't want to make him roll another chance, but it's not like he's wearing hers. As I'm also protected from the wind because I have that little like room. This is true. No, that's that's not why I was asking because I looked it up. Poop freezes as it's coming out of you at 62 degrees. Oh, no. It just gets like sharted out as it's like explosive diarrhea. It turns into fragments that can penetrate ice. Refrigerator ice maker on the fridge. Shooting them out onto the floor.

I have never I never thought a day would come worse. Kind of slushy. This. OK, here's what we're going to do. I don't want to just say yes. It is cold, though, so I would say we're already started like negative 10, negative 15. So what I'll do is I'll roll three d 20. And then we'll just subtract that from the temperature. So I'd have to roll pretty high for this to happen. Let's say it's negative 15 now. Listen, I've shit almost shit myself like four or five times just within the last few hours. But you have it. So you're a winner because of those clench checks.

I cannot believe this is what we're doing tonight, but we're doing it. Here we go. If this is what gives me the experience to level up to level three, you know what the best way to level up. You know what? No matter what you guys are hitting level three after this, you avoid the war. So just this is you paying your your dues. OK, first d 20. Here we go. There's three of these, remember? And no, that's 15. We're down to negative 30. What's what's the temperature we're trying to not reach? So negative 60, 62. OK. Is that Fahrenheit or Celsius? Fahrenheit. OK, good, good, good, good.

OK. Second d 20. That's minus 52.2 Celsius. It's 11. So I don't think. Oh, yeah, I don't think it's 44. Now we're at negative 44. OK. Oh, you could roll a 20. Oh, no. OK. 18 or 18 or 20. Oh, no. 18 or 19. So anything other than that, guys? The odds are so in your favor to not have the bad thing happen. What does it what what temperature does to expose skin freeze up? Oh, much lower than 62. Yeah. We are. Stop. We're going to look we're going to deal with that. That's fine. But here we go. As long as it's not an 18, 19 or 20. Three. OK, here's what we are going to do. No, but you lost your testicles to do for damage to your rear.

OK. It is reddened. Take that. It is chapped. Or damaged by ass. OK. It's a little it's a little ass damage, but you feel like a million bucks after after you're done. Well, I mean not I mean, your ass hurts, but like you go, OK, I think the worst is over. That type of you know, the feeling like it's like, OK, the demon is out of me and everyone. That's level three. So there's still a few hours left in the day and you guys are going to trek through the snow. Thankfully, thankfully, it let up in the last couple of hours. So it's mostly just that strenuous hiking, lifting your knees up and just crunching into the snow over and over and over again.

It's not as powdery as you'd like. If it were a little more powdery, it'd be easier to get through. But you're working up a sweat underneath underneath your clothes like you probably got a scarf up over your face. And like you're going to have to like especially if you have a beard. It's gross. We live in mask times. So you're going to have to wick sweat off of and maybe out of your mustache every once in a while. It's not a great way to live, but at least you won't freeze to death. So at a certain point, you're going to see something up ahead and you almost you're almost right on top of it before before you notice it.

Everybody do me a favor. Give me a perception check. Oh, wow. Does that count if I have a negative modifier? So, OK, I'm going to say mostly mostly guys and Bella are going to see this and it. It looks like a large furry lump in the middle of it. I mean, there's no road, but like right where you're marching, you're going to see at first you're like, oh, maybe maybe it's a bear or something, but it's far too big for that. It looks like just one lump. And then the closer you get to it, it that the snow has covered bits and pieces of it. But it from what you can see, what's exposed, there's at least 10 feet of lump.

It is a large lump. OK, I feel like if we see this, I feel like guys and I would have probably pointed it out to people and just be like, do you know what that is? And like, like lower her voice, she's like, I'm not dealing with whatever's out here again. So they both look at Yona. Is that another bear? Should I roll for it or? I think I think a nice nature check. Will my plus two apply? Did I prep for this? No, I'm going to say that this is this is this probably wasn't covered in the baseball. This is more advanced class. OK, OK, that's OK. Still got plus seven.

Sixteen, sixteen. OK, so. Yona is going to kind of take in the scene, right? And I wouldn't say she gets super close, but just close enough that she can identify this a little more clearly. Now, most of this this fur is a bright white. It absolutely camouflages itself in with the rest of the stuff, but there's no there's really no creature that Yona knows of that would just kind of bury itself. But there are creatures that bury itself to keep warm, but not in the middle of just an expanse like this. There'd be near trees or a cave or something like that, some kind of cover, some kind of security.

So odds are this thing is probably dead. Odds are on top of that, that the ten foot you can see is probably half of this creature. This is a very large this. If you all know where to guess, there's only a couple of things this could be. It's a good thing it's dead. Let's start off with that, if that's the case. So there's a beast called the convention. It is probably one of the most dangerous predators that are land based. This thing has six legs and it's almost centipede like in design, but its upper half stands upright and can grab things. Think furry nightmare centaur.

It's weird looking. However, bits and pieces of it are highly sought after. One, if you were to skin this, its coat is amazing for keeping out the cold. These things have been known to withstand full on blizzards for days at a time before needing to go seek shelter. Also, its claws are used and bought by apothecaries the world over. Like you can make, depending on where you go and how patient you are, you can make a pretty, pretty good amount of coin. So what would you guys like to do? Anna would call over Corvus first because you said odds are it's dead.

So she's getting the resident expert on dead over to confirm. Heard that part, huh? I love the look on Ian's face when he's just called out. Just fear and panic. Just to cover our bases to ensure that we're not just going to go up to something that's going to kill us. Corvus, come here. Or she'll motion you over from where she's standing. Can you confirm if this creature is deceased? He like squints his eyes and looks up at Jolní. Yeah, yeah, of course. Consider it done. And he's gonna walk up to it tentatively and examine it, sort of like look around, check if it's breathing.

And then finally he's just going to like take a shovel and like, whomp, just like whomp it on. And then turn to Jolní and be like, yeah, it's dead. It's definitely dead. Well. Is it? Can I get you to do me a favor and roll a flat d20? As long as it's not a one. You're fine. Which we all know I have already taken that. Yeah, you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. So your kids only mostly dead. You're gonna hit it with your shovel and it's like punk, like it is solid like this thing is. It's got a lot of beef to it. And dense, dead and dense, dead and dense.

So I will this isn't really for I mean, you could sell it, but it's not really for profit, but the teeth on this thing are actually coated in a natural poison and people take them and you can actually sharpen the teeth. And no matter how much you file off all the way through the tooth is poison so you can you can make weapons and such out of it. Like let's say you want to make a shiny new dagger. You'd have to whittle for a while because it has strong teeth. But yeah. So do any of us know then all these uses of this creature? I think Joln could give you with a with a I think a guy's window for sure.

Okay, well this thing has great fur and hide. So we're gonna start taking that. So he probably just walk over and start cutting it out, you know, skinning it. Yeah, you'd have to dig, you'd have to dig it out a bit. And this is a supremely weird looking creature. Like, when you get to the face, like its head almost takes up a third of its body, it is just this long. This elongated it looks like it almost looks like a lazy boy with teeth, like it just this massive maw and these teeth. It's going to take probably two of you with tools to lodge something sharp into its gums and pry it out.

That's how big these teeth are. Just these big red, like albino mice, like those big red bulbous eyes. Just that, but kind of craggy and textured almost. What about the meat? Well, it depends on how long this thing's been out here. It's frozen. Yes. I think we're still in the realm of edible. There are certain bits you cannot eat on this thing because they'll flat out kill you. Don't eat. Its stomach essentially operates like a carwash when it brings food into its belly. There are three chambers of its stomach that just kind of spray this acidic digestive fluid on top of it, and it sort of melts its food almost like a fly but from the inside.

So avoid all of that, but there's some wonderful meat on the flanks on the near the the leg portions like the thigh if you like thigh meat tons there roasted on an open spit it's pretty tasty. If you, if this is all related to Bella she will like just kind of give you guys like, alright, give me a second, and she will go to work on that mouth, whether or not she can because, in addition to, you know, just kind of being a rogue, she's also quite proficient with poisons. So she's going to, if she can either wedge one loose, and if that doesn't work she'll probably take like some sort of borrow one of the shovels and say excuse me for a second, like, break one in half or something if she can't you know, she wants one of them teeth, and every bit that she's going to whittle off is going into a vial.

She's wasting none of this poison. Yegan would help out and he has a bladed war pick that would probably be perfect for this. Yeah, it's. This is definitely some gross amateur dentistry. Now Lisa, I have asked you this question in the past. Are you wearing gloves? Yes, she is wearing gloves. Excellent answer. That's that's what I wanted to hear. So, especially in the cold. Yeah. So, like, this is, it's going to take two hands, probably gloved hands are going to slip off so like using a pick or something to really wedge in between the gums. It's disgusting. But man, you know, if you grab like two or three of them just to, you know, just to have.

I will grab as many as you will let her, or she will, excuse me, you know what, give me a D10. Okay. Four. Four. I think that's probably a good number two because after that it's like, fuck this like it's like it's a lot of work. Sorry, I had an idea. She might know she might be hitting up on a later. Oh, a flying poison dagger that returns to her could be very useful. Fuck yes. Carved from the tooth of a fucking. That's pretty badass. And I just want to say that like, I know I can mention in the first one but she's like whittled her own horns down to be very sharp and and pointy for backstabby purposes.

So, yeah, no. So she I think is probably very used to whittling down bone of some kind so that's pretty metal. Thank you. Thank you as I sit here knitting. The sharpest knitting needles you've ever seen. She does have some bone. She does. She might actually have some but we'll see. I'll help guys dig out around this thing if he's like trying to chop up the thing. While we're doing this is there any way to determine the cause of death at all. Excellent question question. Well, hmm. I just think that out here. Why this day. I would say none of you are Feds. I could do medicine check.

I, I don't think the medicine you'd learn would transfer over to animals, especially animals that it's not like a dog or a cat like this is like, you know, I'll tell you what. Give me an investigation. Somebody somebody Colombo this out for me. I mean, I wanted to have court investigation and not great. I don't want to take all the rules plus seven. Could you offer me some assistance. I feel like you all know would do it automatically anyways, like she's always studying everything but she can't help it. Yeah. I mean, I got two things I got into wisdom that's the nature and intelligence right.

Yeah, that's gonna be a lot of rules. Yeah, you're gonna be our walking library. I mean all she did for her whole 29 years of life is study so mean we're digging that stuff so Susan Yeah. Okay, can observe. I'm gonna need Corvus to check something in a moment actually so okay. Go ahead and roll investigation, please do. 2222 Jesus. Okay. So, this is going to take a while, I would say, you're probably going to spend the remainder of the day picking at this thing. And there's only so many bits of it you can hack off and haul away because it's so heavy. To put it in perspective.

Do you know how heavy the pelt of a 20 foot long creature would be. That's big. Lots and I, yeah, I don't think you're gonna get it all in one peel like an orange so like I, you know, I'm going to have you guys roll to see how well you skin this thing. But you're going to notice two things one. This looked a little old, like if you had to gauge, it's, it's age. This, it's, it was probably closer to the end of an average lifespan for this. The second thing you're going to notice is that it's bones seem rather brittle. Like it lacks calcium or something like that like it's just, you're going to notice that.

At first you thought it was rigor mortis right like you go to move an arm you hear a crunch it's like it one it's frozen to rigor mortis, but you're going to notice the bones themselves seem weak for a creature like this creature the size needs to support itself. And it just seems off to you. Like some of its ribs are caved in and it's rib cage is a lot of its body so it just it seems wrong. Like, is it diseased. I mean you'd have to run some tests to know that, but, but it. It didn't die of natural causes you could tell that much. I don't want to eat this thing if it was diseased.

Does this thing. This is just kind of like a. Do these things like sort of live in packs or are they more like solitary creatures. Yeah, yeah, these are so big. It's so big like how would you share food, like it's, yeah. I will also say, course. Before I ask how these guys are doing, because it sounded like Yemen and guys were were skin and it sounded like maybe digging, digging and digging, digging and skin and okay. Yeah, no, you can it's helping with the teeth. Oh, okay, then, which is because of the war. Oh yeah, guys and Corvus are skin. Oh, oh, okay, well then, helping day.

So, here's what I need that. I need a, I need a survival check. With advantage from one of you. I got a plus five. That makes sense. I'm probably more digging than doing anything else. Like an ostrich. Okay, 19. You're actually, you two are really getting into this right like it is a two person job easily. It's probably a five person. You guys are making some really good headway. Now the one thing I will say is for the most part, this pelt seems to be in good condition. Like, really good like you could make something special out of this maybe you got enough material here.

That being said, it's gross. And, you know, it'll have to be packaged up and it's going to be heavy as hell, but, you know, now, Corvus specifically here's what I need. In the midst of you. In the midst of you like digging and probably like shoving a shoulder into it holding it up so that you know it's heavy as hell, right. I need you to really give me a, give me a religion check. Okay. Interesting. Oh dirty 20. Okay. A feeling is going to come over Corvus. It's, it's very it's it's it's out of the blue. Right. But Corvus is going to know beyond a shadow of a doubt.

This thing did not die of natural causes, and you're going to something's going to shoot through Corvin like like Corvus rotting from the inside out, just for a minute it's almost like a panic attack, like it like it comes over, you probably get your shoulder into this thing like holding up it's like, like you're like, you just feel it. It's only a couple of seconds long but it feels like a like an eternity. And then it's just gonna go away. Whoa. Okay. So he's panting, he's, he's nervous and sweating. Probably I imagine like, like pushing up on this thing it's like guy like guys sort of realizes that the weight is sort of like coming back on him to not be able to like cut at or whatever and.

And, and Corvus is just like, I don't know. I don't know why but this. This thing didn't. It didn't die, just out, just out here. It didn't die of some kind of exposure or anything like that. I don't know. I don't know what it died of. Hold on now what what what's good about Jeepers Creepers. I just, I just had this. I mean, I had a kind of an anxiety attack and that's normal. That's usually normal. But this one was was different. And I just, I don't know. I don't know how this thing died but it didn't just die from old age or, or something like that. Okay. Okay.

Stranger things happen in this world. Can he do like a. Can we do like an arcana check or something to see if there's like residual magic on this thing. Sure, absolutely. See if we can. We can discuss this out here. Dean, you're not feeling anything like magical coming off this thing it doesn't feel like it wasn't struck down with a bolt of anything. It didn't seem to get into a fight of any kind, like there's other adventures up here or anything like that it just, it seems. It seems to have died slowly. I'm like, I start like running through the stuff that that y'all knows, Dad was telling us.

Does anything strike like ring a bell about like how some of the house on the choir were reported dead or missing about this thing and all know this isn't like the apes. You'll know that when you see it. This is much more subtle. No, but there was there was some stuff like wasn't there like the bodies were gone or there were parts of the bodies but they were cut real clean or something like that. Oh yeah no this this again like like okay if pieces were missing off this thing you go oh there's your problem. Like that's easy. Like this. This doll set the evil like it's like, oh yeah okay that's what's wrong.

Like, this is like, your fucking ribs are like, like I shouldn't be able to just go and, you know, push on something this big and snap it off like it's it's weird. Yeah, it's it's some kind of bone itis or something. Yeah, this fashion was a real ladies guy. It is a giant cell phone. Huh. That's so I'm so curious. What else could we do. Not at this time, if something like that would happen again, I think you'd get a better beat on it but this. I'm going to guess this one of those things that's just like well that's new, like that, like, okay, Corvus is probably used to panic.

But a vision accompanying panic. That's a little new. It's a little more concrete, you know, it's not just, I'm vaguely scared of its own Oh no I see this, you know, great, great, great, another type of panic. Wonderful. So, all said and done. Don't eat this guy is. Don't eat it. I'm starting to start a second guess that that plan but I think we can still make use of these first doesn't seem to be anything around right now. Think, think we're okay. So, but and the teeth are all right though right it's like it's just it's bones but it's like, it's honestly you'd expect it to infect the teeth to maybe because there's some sort of natural poison on them, it's not it's it but do you seem fine.

It's the, the interior that just. So I had to do a bit of research, how much do animal pelts way. Now honestly, there's nothing in the wild, that is going to measure up to this. So what I had to do was size up a deer. And so, okay, let's say you skinned a beaver. Right. And you tried to try to pelt. You got about a pound and a half, maybe. Right. This isn't dried. So you're gonna have to roll it up wet. And it's going to be a bit heavy. So, all said done the square footage of this thing. And it's moist attitude. I'm gonna Absolutely. I have the best words. Um, I'm gonna say 68 pounds.

So, it's heavy, but valuable. 68 pounds. Okay. Can I fashion a sled out of ribs and entrails. No, it may be like brittle. Yeah, I wouldn't fashion anything out of these bones. I would say, I'd say it's one of those things you could parse out like you can cut it up and like it there's plenty of square footage on this thing. It doesn't need to be in one piece right so if you divvy that throughout the party maybe. Okay. Do you want to just split it five ways or do you want to have you to carry it. How do you want to everyone's okay with 12 to 13 pounds of skin.

Yeah, and then we can use them as blankies first side down on us not the website. Or they might go, they might go well to paying off the, the debts we owe back in town or something. That's what I was thinking like Bella might be like, if you guys are okay with this I might barter with this when we get back to town, because I feel like turned to y'all just like I feel really bad that he just let me have this and she'll kind of like flutter her spider. Take this. Split it split it equally and do what you want with it. Why would you feel bad. You will hear that you will pay him back.

Yeah. Your legs. I will pay him. How much time did you spend in Brightport y'all know I'm curious. Um, little over a day. Oh, you should have known by then. Yeah, yeah. Like, just right off the boat. I'm still waiting for that nice man to bring my bags around. That's more than enough time. Here's what we're gonna do. So guys, I'm guessing, would probably travel a bit away from this carcass like maybe put in another half hour of travel something like that, and you're like, all right, let's make camp for the night. Holy shit. You are a little over halfway to your destination.

And it's gonna start to snow again. Hard snow, like wind, like big, big gusts of wind. Let's see if we can find a place to kind of hunker down for the night. This one we're gonna leave to James. James. Do me a favor. Yes, give me give me a flat D 20 let's see what you guys are bedding down with tonight. Glad we got those first. Okay, so you're going to, I wouldn't call it a crevice but you're going to see where the land kind of. It's like a, like an inset living room type of thing like it steps down about five feet. And it's not great. In terms of shelter, but there are some rock formations that you can kind of, you know, kind of hunker up near.

So, it'll keep the worst of it off of you. A fire is going to be your best friend and sheltering that fire is going to be job number one. Right. So, you guys are going to make camp and settle down for the night. And before we move on. How's everyone feeling about this so far. This is not easy travel. This is like I imagine a lot of you are sore. Some of you more than others in certain places but yeah I mean you're now the food's gone for good. Your muscles ache, it's, it's just like a hot shower would feel so good. Yeah clumping around in the snow is like hard on the old.

And now we've got first and everything. I mean some of you are older too. So, yeah, that can't be fun. I think you guys would get a cup and fill it with snow and then you've produced flame to melt the snow and give it to Yegman. You should probably drink this, you're definitely dehydrated after you're, you're about with nature. Electrolytes. It'll kind of like shyly kind of reach out for it, grab it. Yeah. Thank you, Bruce. Well, might be a little embarrassing if this was the thing that got you. Oh yeah that that wouldn't have. Yeah, that wouldn't have went well.

Maybe no berries for me next time. Good idea. Alma is going to be making that tea. Yeah, I was just gonna say. Or, or Corvus can. He seemed very enthusiastic about tea. Let's do it together. Pulls out his pot and yeah and he's like, Okay, he's asking like a bunch of questions about like temperature of water and like brew time and like, you know he like wants to know exactly what what it is to make the perfect cup of tea with these leaves. 210 degrees Celsius, 210 degrees Fahrenheit, for three to five minutes. I would have guessed that that that's what I would have guessed.

I think that's green tea. I think I just read that recently. Wow. Is. So are you making like a pot of this is it's like for the gang like just like okay let's warm, let's warm your bones. Would it make us all fall asleep. Yeah, it's like sleepy time to you right? Yeah, it's not like, okay, it's not roofies, it's just, it's like melatonin it's it's like it's like asleep, it's like okay this will help you doze off because this is a not your home. And I don't know if anybody hell I have a hard time sleeping at Dragon Con and that's a fucking hotel I can't imagine trying to sleep in this.

So it's more just a sleep aid you're not unconscious, I'm not going to do stuff to you, like Jason. Okay, I could have put that a different way. But it's true I'm not gonna do stuff to you while my friends sleep, that's not. Yeah, we probably make like a small pot for for people. Yeah, because he I've got I've got a kettle I've got like a big kettle so we like right now. Get at the right time. How long would you say it takes to roll up the first or skins or whatever we all just got a few minutes, maybe five or 10. What from like from the creature and walking here.

No like say if I were to unfurl the skin that's in my pack and try and drape it over like the rocks or outcroppings or something kind of make a makeshift lean to. Oh, it helps to kind of stave off some of the wind and also blend us in. You can make like a blanket for it sure like that. Okay, so like, yeah y'all know my earth sorry. Bella might do that while they're brewing tea sorry, taking my character. Yeah, I thought you were just saying y'all know like I thought you were just, I have to stop myself. Why it's regional. I say y'all too. Yeah. I try my hardest not to say a.

I think. Now I want you to say it all the time. Yeah. Oh, it. Yeah, only when you enter or leave a room. Yeah. So, oh like hey. Yeah, like it's like that's what they do in BC they say hey all the time. Yeah. How you doing. Hey. You guys are going to relax at the end of a long day, and you are going to drape. Some of this for over you so I imagine, trying to paint a picture here. You have enough of this, so that you can get some pretty sturdy. Yeah, I think so I mean, unless the probably would they be dripping. I mean it'd be frozen. It'll be one of those things where his thing, you wake up in there yes that's how I want to do it sorry.

Okay, yeah, no, I was just saying that the next day you're probably gonna have to beat the shit out of it because it's going to be like crispy, it's gonna be Yeah, I was thinking, originally I'd been thinking first side, excuse me out, because it's white and it would kind of help break up our silhouette a little in case. It would probably enough to double line it we're gonna have for on the end and out. Okay, with how much we grabbed. Man, you guys are so trigger shot and I don't know why. Well, I like to get that that's part of like the rogue thing like I don't want anybody seeing me.

So hey, I'm going to try and disguise. And Yegman's going to do the guard thing because he spent like three decades being a guard. He's probably going to pull basically that almost an all nighter of keeping watch of just like lightly. That makes sense. Again, it's fine. Everything's fine. So, okay. Couple hours are gonna go by. Can I get everyone to do me a favor and give me a constitution saving throw. Do we have. Oh wait, nevermind. And who took a berry, because you get advantage. No, no, mine's wrong. It should be. This isn't for the cold. It should be mine should be 1720.

Oh, Ryan. Yegman I'm right there with you. Oh my gosh. I don't. All right, I'm not. Hand in hand let's suffer together. Anything else on this continent. Because I just get crit once. So, Yegman intends. To, you know, like doze off for an hour wake back up checks around X does offer an hour check, you know, it just kind of keep that pattern but that's not good. Well, hold on, let's know. Probably falls asleep and then shits himself again. Asleep never wakes up. He should himself already. He was contagious you gave it to Bella. Okay, here's what's gonna happen. You're all going to hunker down for the evening, and there's.

There's a little while where you guys are just having a lovely fireside chat. While this this pot of tea boils, and there's this, this lovely butterscotch aura, the kind of warms the underside of these furs for just a few moments. You kind of forget where you are, what's going on, and you just kind of relax a bit. And as you start to dose off a couple of you here and there you're gonna kind of like kind of bundle up huddled against a rock you know you're, you know, you're, you're, you're comfortable enough that you could fall asleep. And then you're like, yeah, it's gonna feel something it's gonna irritate like it.

The first couple of times, it's like, that's, that's annoying. And now it feels like a biting. It feels like it feels like there's something on his back. And then I'd say the whole party. One by one. It's gonna start to feel this irritation this itchy kind of piercing feeling. And some of you it's in the small of your back or up here in your shoulder right between the shoulder blades where you can't reach. You're all gonna feel it, and one by one I think all of you are just like, like, little jerky motions, and then you're all going to notice that you're doing it.

And I think it's gonna be Corvus that notices that right where fellas leather, like, like armor that the body is. The armor that the bundle up the things there's going to be something, something peeking out right right right right around the neckline. And it's this frosty blue. And what it is. Well, actually, can I get a nature check. Now that this is happening, Yolma. Let's get Yolma to do it. Okay. I don't like this Jason I could feel it. I don't like it. 26. Oh, you know exactly what this shit is. Gross. It seems to be drawing blood, like just, just a bit.

And if someone were to reach over and I try to smack this off they could. Right. Because, though, it's large. For what it is I'd say it's about the size of a 50 cent piece, something like that, like, double the size of a quarter something like it's it's sizable looks like it's got heft. It's little mandibles have pierced fellas neck. And what this is is a rhyme tick. And it would probably take you guys a couple of moments to realize that all of you are covered in them. I just go, Bella you've got a little something. Oh, what, what, what? Like, she tried to pull it off.

You're gonna need. So, for a rhyme tick. What rhymes with tick? Sorry. Ick. So, with a 26, this is going to be one of those things where you only go, Oh yeah, okay. So you know those furs we picked up guys. So, what rhyme ticks do is their bodies, shut down in extra cold weather. So what they do is they just hibernate until the next thing with warm blood hoes into their field of vision, and then they sort of reanimate and leap onto that thing to feed off of it. Now, there's two reasons why this is going to mean something to you guys. One, if you see one of them, there are potentially hundreds, especially on something the size of the confession that you guys were were hauling around.

They easily slip between chinks and armor they can slip down your back like they're, they're gross. Also, they're large enough that you can feel them suck blood out of you. Now, if you were to, let's say, take, take a bit of fire lit torch, something like that. That's an easy way to get one off of you to kind of relinquish its grasp. Otherwise, you're gonna have to get something sharp like a dagger and kind of squeeze it in between the mandibles and kind of like wedge it off. They have a surprisingly good grip. The other thing they have is a very infectious disease.

It's their way of giving back. So they take some blood from you, they give you something. And what it does to get you to stop moving and potentially shaking them off. Well, they make you much more susceptible to the cold. So eventually you just get tired and lay down, and then they rot your bones out from the inside and wait for the next thing to jump on to. So this explains a lot. What would you like to do? Die. Oh, ticks are a big problem in Jersey. There's such a big problem. Yeah, I visited Jersey once and ended up with like 20 ticks on me at one time.

Deer ticks are just the worst. They're nasty. So there's a little piece of Jersey for you guys. I don't want it. I don't want it. So, Yegman would do the only thing that he knows to do would be to probably take one of the sticks out of the fire and then use this. And he's going to try to help Vilna as much as possible. He knows that he probably has it on him at this point. He's going to concentrate with one person to make sure one person is at least free. Yeah, no, she would like let you if you like, but you have to tell her like why you're coming at her with fire.

Hold it in his rare hand and be like, OK, well, we got to get that off. Don't singe it. Don't singe it. Do my best. She's a little prideful. And also, she's going to be very embarrassed. So, like, go for it. So I guess depending on how easily this works, you know, I guess we're just gonna have to do some social grooming. Yeah, here's the thing about ticks. For those of you out there lucky enough to live in states where it's just not much of a thing. Do they do the thing where they regurgitate? No, that's not the thing. They don't die very easily. No, they do not die.

You have to burn them, basically. And then they have a fire full of these things. It's almost as bad as lice in a way. So what you guys will have to do and it's a very dangerous situation is you will have to strip down to nothing and examine each other. That's the only way. And they will hide in areas that are... it's terrible. So that is the only way. And then you're going to have to find a way to make sure that they aren't in your clothing. Luckily, they're big enough that it's not going to be like... That's the thing. So, OK, that's the good news is that the smallest of the two of them are going to be in your clothing.

The smallest of the rhyme ticks are going to be about nickel size. You're not dealing with a pinhead tick that can give you a terrible disease. That's a Jersey tick. That's terrible. So that's the good news is the odds are you're going to find all of them. It's just unfortunate. So Yegemann's going to... he's going to try to get this first one off. And if it works with this, he's going to try to get basically pitch the idea that we all assist one person at a time. So only one person is exposed to the elements and we could hopefully work through it pretty fast.

And knowing where this is, knowing that that was going to be happening, Olna is already making the fire bigger. So we have more heat while we're all getting nakey. Yeah, there you go. This is not what I was expecting coming to travel to new lands. I was hoping maybe you get to meet some cool new people, maybe kiss a cute boy, go see a cool city. Nope, you're going to see a new moon. A very red chapped moon. So do we have to go into great detail about examining? No, look, this is okay. I got a... this is not sexual in any way, shape, or form, obviously. This is more another stand by me moment with the leeches.

We're only going to be closer. This is a bonding exercise. That's what I've seen, worst case scenario, some things could be awkward, you've literally seen my ass. Yeah, I mean... Now, the good news, this is a good news bad news situation. This is going to take up a lot of your night. That's bad news. But the good news is you've dealt with the problem officially. I would even say that you went through these pelts and made sure that every single goddamn square inch of this fur has been rid of pests, let's say. Here's another bad news. Three of you, partway through this bonding exercise, you're going to start getting cold.

Now, at first you figure, "Oh, I'm nude. That makes sense." But even when you put your clothing back on that has been thoroughly cleaned and tick free, deep in your bones, you're going to feel this chill. Like you cannot get warm. And there's going to be this weakness that overcomes you. You're just going to feel it, like the day just instantly caught up to you. And that is stage one of this illness. So, uh, Yegman, Gaius, Vella, from now until this is cured, all of you are going to have disadvantage on anything strength related. Skills, saving throws, attacks involving strength, anything.

I already have a negative three to strength. Well, it's about to get worse. God damn. So we'll deal with that next time. What's the disease called? Is it just called... Old age. Rickets. A lot of things in Kian have kind of colloquial names like, you know, cottileves, stuff like this. On the mainland, this would probably have a very serious name. On Kian, it's called achy breaky bones. Love it. Hopefully it doesn't break my achy breaky heart. Got a case of the achy bones? I like to think it's sort of like Japanese where they have that like, they have sort of like repetitious onomatopoeia like doki doki.

And it doesn't translate so well in English. So it's like in on Kian, it's like achy breaky bones. And then in common, it's like achy brocky bones. I'd like to think it's a white dragonborn thing where they named it. And they're like, yeah, I mean, like ticks don't really like, you know, they can't really get through our hide very well. But like they gave it like some kind of name that like the closest translation to common. It's like achy breaky bones. I don't think you guys are taking this seriously. You're being assholes. Let's call it ABB for short. ABB.

Got it. So by chance, and we so because of the third level up, I get the divine health. Now, I know it's different. We roughly went over this, but would this have any sort of effect? On this as well. Yes. You so this is a level three disease. So you will have advantage against staving off any new stages of the disease moving forward. You do not want this disease to move forward. Yeah. So we'll deal with that. There there is there is a cure. And we'll we'll just try to work towards that. What is it with you and making me diseased? I was just thinking that desert hold.

I know. I'm sorry it involved bugs. Well, we're only a day journey away from Saun. So that's what I was going to say. We have this big like hide infers that we want to bring back. You know, now we're diseased and feeling cold. We just want to go back because we're also not in any rush. Needless to say, I think that's a good time for us to stop for the night. Oh, man, you you're doing great. Look, this is a setback. It is it. You know, it's not that bad right now. This isn't like slough fever or something like that. At its worst, you basically have osteoporosis like it.

But really advanced like at worst. So, yeah, you know, we'll deal with it. Only in theory would there be tundra ticks. Well, this episode has been very fun for Yekman. A diseased butthole and now diseased bones. We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors. Please don't go anywhere. Man, that was a weird episode. Thank you guys for listening. We really, really appreciate it. Of course, you can help us keep the lights on over at patreon.com/dandr. That's patreon.com/dandr. We are wrapping up our Curse of Strahd campaign this month. Now, what does that mean?

That means we're getting ready to kick off something brand new. Our story just kind of reached a natural conclusion, and it's time to see what you guys want to do now. This month, we're going to have a big, big vote. There'll be videos attached to give you guys a taste of five potential new things that we could be doing. There'll be a new group. There's going to be a new game. We're going to use a new system, and it's totally up to you what we're going to be doing. So if you're on our Patreon, for at least a dollar, you'll be a part of the vote. And we really appreciate you guys letting us know where we should be heading on our Patreon.

So thank you all. Please go check out that Kickstarter. It's attached to this here episode right in the description. You can find it. And I guess we'll just have to wait and see where we're at by the end of this next week. We really want to thank you guys for all of your support and your recent feedback. It just it helps us out immeasurably seriously. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode and more bonus stuff in February. Thank you all. Have a great week. And as always, good luck with your games.