Tipped Scales

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[clattering] [clattering] Pickaxe. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't gotta cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. I'm a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+.

This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... [clears throat] Did... With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. Howdy everybody out there. It's time for us to start posting those Theory-a-thon sessions. And we're going to post them in the order that they played that day. Again, for everybody who made time that Saturday, thank you so much.

We're already planning for our 10th anniversary. And, um, well, we'll get to that later on. But there's some really cool things in the works already. Of course I would be remiss if I didn't tell you again about Eisendor's Vault of Tragic Treasure. It's a fantastic Kickstarter that I have personally backed. A bunch of people who listen to the show have already backed. It is a fantastic resource if you're looking to add some really cool magic items to your campaign. How many magic items? Well, I'm glad you asked. Over 300 magic items. Plus lore behind those items.

And you also get a 200-page module book that takes place in the Elemental Plane. Well, I can. How about some minis? Some 3D printable minis? Well, guess what? You get seven free STLs with the campaign as soon as you back it. It's already very well-funded and reaching far into stretch goals, so go check it out. There's a link in the bottom of this description. Run, run, run. Go, go, go. Without further ado, we'll get out of the way so you can hear a couple of words from our sponsors. And again, thank you so much for your support, listening to the show, sharing it with your friends, backing us on Patreon at patreon.com/dandr.

You guys are how we continue to do this. Stick around. We'll be right back. Okay, theoretically, everyone should be able to hear us now, but we'll see. Hello. Hi, everybody. Can you hear us? Let's test this out. I'll just take a look at Twitch, just before we play it and close it. Yep, okay. We can be heard. So, good God, everybody, welcome to Theoryathon 2021. The Theoryathon that has definitely shaved 10 years off my life. Just, just, just... I posted a video to the basement. I have never looked so tired and just worn out. I watched it back. I'm like, "Oh, God, I look terrible." Like, go get some sun or something.

The video starts with you going... It's been nothing but editing and filming. Those cooking segments took us three days of straight filming, like morning, noon, night. And just, it's... So, welcome again to Theoryathon 2021. We're going to be kicking off today with the Overseers. Now, you guys... You guys are kind of familiar with the theme of this year's Theoryathon and kind of the vibe of what we're going to be doing, but we haven't let the listeners in on everything we're doing today. But before I do that, I'd like to thank both World Anvil and D&D Beyond for partnering up with us today.

And, you know, obviously sharing the stream. By the way, it's our nine year anniversary, guys. Nine years doing this, which seems unreal. But yeah, this... We're going to be playing for 12 straight hours today. Oh my God, there's so much I want to get to. But I haven't... Man, I haven't played with you guys in well over a month now. Yep. Yep. A month and a half. Jesus. Let's let the listeners in on what we're doing today. So, at any point during the day, you guys can stop gameplay. You can say, "Hey, whoa, hold on. Time out. I want to take a deal." That's all you got to say.

Those are the magic words. And you let me know whether you want a common, uncommon, rare or legendary deal. And I've got these. These are actual wax sealed envelopes broken up into rarity. I got a few commons. I got some, I got some, you know, uncommons. I got some rares. I got a bunch of legendaries too. And all you got to do is pick one from my hand. They're all numbered. You can just say, "Hey, I want number three." I don't even know what's in here. That's the cool thing. And then you get whatever's in the envelope. This could be anything from free healing.

It could be bonus AC. It could be protection for the party. It could be anything. Legendary gear, all that good stuff. The only catch is you have to then draw from the pile of banes. Bad things. And it has to be from the same rarity. So if you take a legendary boon, you're like, "Hey, give me that." And it turns out to be this awesome piece of, you know, gear or something. You also have to take a legendary bane, which there's some nasty stuff in here. I'm not even exempt from the list. Bad things can happen to me personally because I don't have a character.

So there's one I really hope we don't get today. You have to eat a vegetable. No, worse. Whoa, worse than that. I have to be clean shaven by the end of Theriathon if we hit it. Oh, yeah. It would fuck my life up. Yeah, but you're kind of like the Homer Simpson. By the time you wake up tomorrow, it'll... It just... I wouldn't look right. I don't think... I've always had some form of facial hair. But yeah, no, I... Can we know what tier that particular... That's legendary. Oh, I figured. Okay. I'm gonna legendary plus it up. If we do a legendary plus, you go clean shaven everywhere, Jason.

Well, okay, that's gonna take a while. I'm a hairy man. I am essentially a bear that walks upright and has a job. I don't know if you could tell from the V I'm rocking today, but... Oh, man, I am not... I'm really hoping we don't get that. So we'll see. Oh, where do we get to care in today? Oh, I'm so excited. So this alert box keeps going off and it's so distracting. I want to turn it off. What's being alerted? Well, everybody in the chat is being amazing and they're subscribing, they're donating bits and stuff like that. Obviously, Patreon is how we keep the lights on, guys.

Could I make it less loud? I can turn that off. Sure. Let's just go. Let's just do that. I might have to... Let's remove it altogether. Screw it. Maybe that'll stop it from going off in my ear. Maybe. I don't know. Obviously, Patreon is how we keep the lights on. We're going to be catching up on a lot of videos and stuff specifically because I have a lot of behind the scenes video stuff that I have to go through and upload. But we've been so busy with Ariathon. So thank you for your patience. This Monday, obviously, tomorrow we're going to die. We're just going to expire and then we're going to reawaken from the Odin sleep on Monday.

So what we've done is we've set up a bonus episode for you guys. Patreon group three, I just started playing with them, and they had the most wonderful flame out. I've never heard a pack of people so gleeful for a TPK. So honestly, it was... Oh, my God. So, yeah, Jesus, I think we're good. Do you guys want to play some D&D? Yeah. Let's go. OK. Can everyone access the table? Yes. Sure can. And this is being shared as well, right? So if we put personal, like my social security number or something like that, that would not be good. Well, it is customary for us to start off with a lot of personal information.

I mean, it's about trust, honestly, and no one has stolen my identity, mostly because they don't want it. Like, it's not worth anything. So that's the secret. There's this whoosh sound that accompanies every single thing. I love it. But, yeah, we don't... Let's do that thing for the first time in today. For Theriathon, let's do that thing and go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Valerie. Hi, everyone. I'm Valerie and I play Linda Wright, the human bard. And also, everyone gets to wish me happy birthday because it is my birthday tomorrow.

That's very important that everyone knows. So you all have to be nice to me. So it would be very unfortunate if something bad happened to Linda today. Very unfortunate. Well, OK, no, it's not your birthday today. So... So tomorrow. I think, you know what, you want to take a deal just to like just to kick things off? Oh, do it now. My first thing that I had planned is that because I am turning 24 tomorrow, I think it's only fair that I then open up 24 legendary envelopes. All for me. How about you take the 24th item? Oh, that's pretty fun. We'll just throw it out there.

Let's let's let's keep introducing everybody. Xavier. Hello, I'm Xavier and I will be playing Dr. Chapman, the tiefling rogue. And Jasper. Hello, everybody. Welcome to Theriathon. I'm Jasper. I play Floss Valal, Warforged, barbarian or extractor. And last and certainly not least, Jamison. Hi, this is Jamison. I play cave loring, a human businessman. Oh, God. So you got yourselves a dead old woman in front of you. I wanted to really paint a vivid picture of this because I think a lot of people just thought of like a tree. Right. But it's like her limbs are inter intertwined with the tree.

So you could see where her skin would have started and like bark has kind of taken over. So think think the living tree and like Fallout three, kind of like the living forest in Mortal Combat two, something like that. But it's more than just faces. You could like see her twisted like she looks. Well, one dead, but like in pain. Right. But everything's been ripped apart. So you can just kind of see this twisted look of anguish and agony in her face. But it's all bark now. She's she she did. How are you guys feeling? Bark, no bite. Feeling great. That's how we're doing it.

That's how we're kicking. That's what I do. Give me a deal for that. Oh, man. You guys have a bunch of downed trees next to you. And other than that, like, you know, Linda's probably got some stuff to work through, but you're all relatively safe. Yeah. I mean, I feel like so there's been a ritual that's gone on here. And Murky, Martha has gone through some agony to make it all happen. But in those few moments, I know floss probably because he was just staring at her, making sure that, you know, everything stayed the way it was supposed to stay. But in his mind, which is kind of muddled anyway, I imagine he was thinking a little bit about whether this was all the right thing to do.

The dust is all sort of settling a little bit for just a few minutes. Right. And I mean, she wasn't bad, but it was all bad and there was no right answer. And so I think there's just a lot of, I don't know, some back and forth in his mind, at least. That's something I would actually love to pull everybody in the chat on. Do you feel like she was a monster, a bad guy, basically? Do you feel like she was totally in the wrong or it was just wrong place, wrong time type of thing? Bree can handle that that pull if she wants. Murky, Martha, good or bad or somewhere in between?

Or Murky, Mark? Either one of those people. It's a different pull. Mostly bad. So Linda's up. Linda's conscious. Okay. Go ahead, sorry. I feel like just as the deed was done, Chapman would probably leaned over Linda to like inspect her, basically, to do a biopsy, biopsy, like whatever comes after whatever happened. And so as Linda's waking up, Chapman's checking her pulse and checking, like taking her chin and having her head turned left and right and kind of like knocking on the knees, stuff like that. As you wake up, you can't handle that the way you want.

Okay, well I have a few questions. Hit me? First is, do I, because now I have these dragon eyes, do I like see everything differently? Or can I not tell? Oh, you tell. Like I imagine, like, if you put in context that aren't your prescription, you can tell like this is a completely different, like, you're going to take in light differently, like you're going to have this supreme dark vision, right? So it's just, I don't, okay. Have you ever seen Riddick? Any of the Chronicles of Riddick type stuff? No? Pitch black? Never? No? Okay. It's bad, dude. I know, I, you know what, everybody, I'm going to stream Riddick right now.

Let's get banned. I've never even heard of that. Okay. Wow. So, essentially, this is a guy who sees really well in the dark kind of a predator night vision type of thing, but kind of poorly in the day. So, sure. It's like someone turned up the ISO on your eyes, you're taking in all this light. And it, we kind of established this is nighttime now it's going to look, you're going to see everything crystal clear, you're going to be able to see, you know, far greater, like a far greater distance, clearly than you used to. So it's just kind of like an overload, like a sensory overload type of thing.

Okay. So then, as, as Linda's, you know, sort of waking back up, she'll be looking around, almost as if she's seeing everything for the first time. And then you said that Dr. Chapman is, is by her right? Yeah. So she's going to kind of look up at him. And she'll say, "How do I look, doc?" Well, you're back in the life. And he's kind of like not looking at your face just yet. He's still checking the pulse and like making sure all your, your, your joints are bending right. And as you say that he'll look up to your eyes and you'll do a take. Be kind of like taking a back and it's like, "Oh, um, I've never noticed you had such ravishing eyes.

Did, did y'all, were they always this yellow?" She's, she's going to say, "Well, probably not as when I died, I guess?" Yes. "It was dark out and now it, it, it's kind of just like the daytime, but it doesn't seem like any time has passed." Interesting. I don't think I've ever heard of anything similar before. And he kind of just like keeps looking at you in the eyes, doesn't break the eye contact. Well, I'll, if you don't mind, I could examine you further. Perhaps we could discover what this is all about. No, thank you. I think, I think I'm good. All right.

I don't know if it was intended, but I heard that, that nasty saxophone riff, like, like just very, like. But with a lot of off tune, an off tune saxophone. Very, very minor key. He'll be like, "Here, here, let me help you up." And he'll like dust himself off, like from all the blood, like, and he'll stand up and he'll kind of like, hand you his hand. "Please let me help you." Okay, she'll take it to help her up. I mean, this, Floss has been sort of taking in what's been, you know, all of the murky Martha, all of the bark and all of that. But when he sees Linda starting to move, he's going to clump over.

And he's just, he's going to bend down to wherever she is and just simply, "Miss Linda, I'm so glad everything, my God, your eyes are stunning. May they rest in peace." And just stare at you. But he's going to reach and he's going to be grabbing you, like, on your shoulders and just incredibly elated that you're okay. She's going to look him dead in his two differently colored eyes. And she'll look right at him and she'll say, "You're very interesting, aren't you?" Terribly so, I'm afraid. And he's just staring at your eyes. He's in raptured agreement, whatever you're saying.

Let me ask a question to the group. So your original goal was to get to town and maybe find a buyer for this ruby deposit you found. Maybe find some info on this locked away door situation that you kind of found as a byproduct. Is that still the goal or have you kind of reached a point where you're like, "Oh, fuck this, like, I'm going home. Like, this is terrible." As far as Chapman is concerned, it's still the goal. I think there's a couple of things in the mix. That's still kind of the big reason for doing anything. But I know that there's this library looming for floss around finding out about the ring.

And now he's thinking about, "Okay, and now let's find out about the druids and let's find out about the trees and whatever we can possibly do here, we've got more and more reasons to be able to go." He's not saying all of this, but this is just what's been going on in his mind. But yeah, I think we definitely need a rest. We definitely need to... Well, we don't definitely, but it'd be nice to be able to see what Murky Martha has to offer us in her absence, if there's anything. Oh, I thought you... I also know Cave was kind of off. I think that's probably something that floss would at that point sort of break away and look around.

Where's Mr. Cave? Yeah, look around. Doesn't see him. Yeah, so ideally while the resurrection was taking place, and definitely this scene here, Cave would have been doing his own little ritual so that he could speak to his patron. Yeah, I don't see any reason why that wouldn't work. Yeah, let's do it. I imagine it probably takes about 30 seconds, a minute, something like that. It's a long distance number type of thing. One of those weird... It's like, yeah, okay. And after a second you get this voice in your head, "Hey, what do you want?" Hey, listen, so I have kind of a situation I want to run by you and see what our options might be.

Is that okay? Are you busy? No, no, everything's well in hand, boss. Go ahead. Okay, good. So, wait, is this... Am I talking a bastard or am I talking a dastronaut? Oh, sorry, you were talking a bastard. That's what I thought. Yeah, I was talking... Who is this? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Wrong number, wrong number. I don't speak to bastard with that kind of respect. Oh, well, I just thought it was Theriathan. You were going to do something really nice and just... Not for him. He was going to return the favor. It's like, oh, yeah, boss, otherwise it's fuck you, but okay.

Then this will be a slightly different phone call. Okay. So, if you're trying to get your patron, then that would probably be a couple more minutes. Because basically the guy's putting you on hold. So it's like, oh, please hang on the line. Your call is important to us. And then the nasty saxophone riff from Careless Whisper is just playing over and over. And eventually you're going to hear this kind of raspy, snake-like voice kind of pick up. Do you remember in the G.I. Joe movie when Cobra Commander was slowly turning into a snake under... Everybody, everybody, 80s kids?

Last Age Millennials? Val, specifically? Val, I know Val knows what I'm talking about. You remember the Sergeant Slaughter vehicle, G.I. Joe, the movie. It was in five parts on TV if you didn't get to see it in theaters. You know what I'm talking about. We're the snake people from Ninjago for the younger kids. Yes, I'm assuming. I don't know. My kid watches it. Okay, okay. So you're going to kind of get this, "What is it, sir?" I mean, I've got a bit of a situation. I wonder if I could have a minute of your time and see if we can come to an agreement about this.

It's your dime. It's a weird expression. Don't know why. Okay. Can we agree that druids are stupid and foolish and idiots? Most of the time, yes. Druidic magic is kind of silly, right? You ever pray to a leaf? I hate it. It's dumb. Pretty lame, yes. So I've got this situation where I've got a druidic curse on this land that I'm trying to use to further my and your goals, and I'd like you to help me get rid of it. Some crunchy vegan magic, yes, yes. I don't know what that is, but it sounds awful, yes. The kind of folks who say, "Be well when leaving a conversation," disgust me.

It takes a minute. It buries that deep inside. So I guess the first question is, would you -- and I assume the answer is yes, because you're very powerful and impressive -- would you be able to destroy or remove or vanquish or whatever an ancient druidic curse? Is that something that you're capable of? Well, I am very impressive, obviously. Obviously, yeah. That would be no problem, of course. How old is this curse we're talking about? Cave was told this very recently. I was told this about three months ago. It was like 500 years ago. It was centuries ago.

Yeah, so we'll say that. We'll say it's centuries old. I don't know how old exactly. Yes, yes. Well, there would have to be some kind of equal exchange. I could remove the curse, but I would have to curse something else, essentially. Is there someone that you revile? Would you like it in writing, or can I just say it? Because I just want to make sure we get the H-A-R-M-O-N H-A-L-E, I think. He runs a business not far from us. I think if you need somebody, I think that's our best bet. Honestly, you'd love him. He's great. Ah, a little chauvinistic large fellow.

I know what you're talking about. You know him. You've met. Okay, good. Perfect. Not very woke, no. Is he on Twitter? I mean, they're plugged into lots of dimensions. Honestly, all he's got to do is scroll social media and doom scroll all day. That is hell. That is actual hell. That is, yes. I mean, if all you need is to transfer the curse. Now, what would the curse look like on an individual rather than a forest? I'm a little confused on the details there. Well, it's more of a radius. I can curse his business. Basically, turn the tides of his luck up until now.

I see. Okay. I gotta say this feels like a win-win for me. Yeah, I accept your deal. Fantastic. I'll get the paperwork in order. You should hear from my people by morning. Beautiful. Hey, I don't know, Jason, if this is a good time to say that this feels like a very legendary deal. Do you want us? Go. Yeah, let's spice this up a little bit. Oh, guys, we have our first request for a deal. Legendary. Holy shit. That's where we're starting? Well, when you start by calling hell directly, I think that's a legendary deal. Well, it's more like hell's waiting room. This is a lower tier.

He's the assistant to the regional manager. He's not really all that powerful. So you have a choice to make. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I have ten legendary deals. Now, obviously, I also have ten banes. These are ten boons. Which number sticks out to you? Which do you just feel? I'm feeling number six. Number six. So let's count it off. One, two, three, four, five, six. Jamison, I'm so glad that you just went straight to legendary. Thank you. Yeah, I'm so proud. On behalf of all of Dungeons and Randomness. Really? Yeah. Let's wait until these envelopes get open and we'll see how glad we are.

It'll be fine. Yeah, it'll be great. What's the worst that could happen? You get curious. Jake's going to have to shave his face. Oh my God. That's not a boom. So again, these are officially sealed. So I'm going to open this on camera. That was very nice sound. Oh, it was good, right? Good asthma. Oh my. Let's just let's just spread that out. After you make this deal, something's going to streak out of the sky. Pardon my voice. I am going to try and lose that before the end of today. Everyone in the house is very ill. Something's going to streak out of the sky like a comet and land relatively close to cave.

I'd say maybe 20, 30 yards out. And there is just kind of the smoldering indentation in the ground. Would you like to go investigate? Yeah, absolutely. I will go do that. Hold please. Something just fell out of the sky. So there is. This looks like a fully intact suit of plate armor. But it looks extremely bulky. It looks like it's almost all one piece, you know, kind of welded together almost. And there's a way to climb into the back of it. But the top of it is this brass looking bubble helm. It is a suit of armor called the Benz. With this armor on, you do not need to breathe underwater.

You are magically resistant. Your speed is reduced to 20 because you're wearing weighted boots, basically. But if you were to dive into a body of water, you could theoretically just stay there for as long as you like. You don't even need food or water when you're underwater. I'm imagining like Fallout power armor type deal. A little Fallout power, a little Big Daddy-ish, you know what I mean? Like it's...Bree brought me a glass of water. Thank you, Bree. Thank you, Bree. It's Arizona iced tea. It's soothing. So this is...let's try this and see if it works, guys.

Spoon number 21. Yeah, it worked! Hey, on the chat, it's doing the thing. All right. So this armor is really hot at the moment because, again, it's streaked out of the sky like a comet. It's just...but it's...it looks like it is...it's in pristine condition. You've never seen a piece of armor quite like it. So he's going to be standing there looking at this and just say to Dastronaut, "Is this you? Did you do this?" Uh...please hold. He's going to talk to his manager. Yeah, there's something going on up the chain. Are you still there? I am, yes. I just got a memo.

There's a bit of restructuring going on. Pay no mind if you see more things like that. It's probably a byproduct. Just get out of the way of the next one. Okay, noted. I will do that. And he's like touching the armor to see if it's cool enough yet. Okay. I like it. Let's hear about this Bane, though. Give me a number. Is it one to ten? One to ten. I'm going to have to stick with six. I totally get that. One, two, three, four, five, six. Goodness. Oh, that's suspense. Do you feel it? This could be my face on the line. I don't want it. I don't like it. Oh, no. Jesus, God.

From behind cave, there's going to be this noise. And there is a split second. You're like, what's that? Before something slams into your back, you're going to cascade into this ditch and kind of tumble over this armor. But it's interesting. It didn't hurt as much as you thought it would. You know, you got that like five or six foot drop into the hole and you're like, oh, shit. And then you land and you roll. It's like, oh, that wasn't so bad. Okay. And then you kind of find out why. Another set of plate armor has attached itself to you. Almost like Dino from the Flintstones, it just like boom and just tackled you and it is on you.

You are wearing it. But this is way different than this. This diving suit looking thing you have. This is very Warhammer, very edgelord, very kind of kind of like everything that could exhibit some sort of spike dog collar motif. Has it. It's angular and uncomfortable looking. There's this big red kind of like neckerchief cape thing going on. Very over the top. Very much. Although it does make it does make cave look a little beefier, look a little more intimidating. You know what I mean? Okay. However. You're going to feel this deep seated need, this want to kill.

It's vague. It's like, man, I could go for some cheesecake. It's not like it's not like I don't have control. It's more like, oh, wow. It's like an emptiness right here. You know what I mean? Like if you have a bad breakup or like your favorite pizza place closed, equally important. Like it like right there in your chest. This suit of armor is called the Well of Souls. And as you use it, things are going to happen. So. And is that I understand you correctly, this is not removable. The Well of Souls. Oh, no. What kind of bane would this be if it were removable?

Okay. So does this last just for Theriathon? No. Oh, no, no, no. But there's a reason these things are happening today. Canonically, we're going to we're going to get into it. But the Well of Souls is here to stay. Oh, it's. Oh, yeah. OK. Oh, baby. But the same thing goes for the legendary items. What's Cave's reaction to these two these two things? So exactly as Dastronaut said, please dodge the next one. He immediately gets hit by the next one. Probably just is like next one. What's the next one? And then wham. So I imagine that, you know, like Iron Man crawling out of a ditch, just like kukunk kukunk, and he like pulls himself out of it.

And I don't know if I still have a line open, but I was you know what? We'll have to continue this conversation later. I've got a couple of things going on on this end I need to deal with. Thank you, though, for the for cursing my enemies. Hang up. And you know what? I'm going to I'm going to punch one of these trees because I hate these trees and we're going to see. I assume the knuckles on this thing are covered in spikes. So we're going to just. Of course they're covered in spikes. We're going to deck one of these trees and see what happens. OK. Do you remember in the mid 90s?

What Jesus this was designed for you. Remember in the mid 90s, there were 600 comics that either there were two names and it either started with or ended with blood. You know, blood shot, you know, dead blood, fucking cut up blood. But like it's they were all that. Well, but and everyone was coated in spikes. Everyone wanted to be spawn. And it just it. This armor looks exhausting just to be you're going to get along with slit throat so well. Oh, my God. Yes. Oh, there's going to be some there should be some some advantage to any franchise crossover right there.

I mean, I smell a new team up like that's what I. So you're going to swing at this tree and one, you're not going to feel the contact. There's no impact like you kind of go through this little section of tree and you're going to dig out a hole, right? Usually you were I don't want to assume, but usually your your your fisticuff skills aren't aren't anything to write home about. Sure. This it's like, wow, that felt good. And it felt good to kind of release tension through violence like that. Like, man, I should do more of that when I get angry about myself.

Yeah. Cool. That's two out of two of my characters. You've turned into a psycho. That's why I left the picking up to you. OK, so he's going to take note of that and he's going to kind of just like, OK, we're going to drag the other two farmer out of the hole and sort of rejoin the group as they're as they're staring into Linda's eyes. Now, at this point, we're staring at you, I think. Yeah, like all this commotion happened, the thing like breaking through the trees and crashing in the ground and then you getting knocked by an armor and then punching the tree.

We're all just staring at you walking, dragging that armor towards the camp. And this is not the type of things that Chapman says. Oh, there you are. And Floss would say, Mr. Cave, Linda's back. Oh, hey, Linda, you missed a few things. Welcome back. Ta-da. Oh, well, while you were, you know, over there doing whatever you're doing, you also missed a few things and she's going to point to her eyes, go, Ta-da. He's going to look for a second and be like, wow, I got to say, we were just trying to sell some rubies. This is taking a turn. How are you feeling? Are you feeling OK?

How are you two feeling? He's just kind of like looking and not really necessarily waiting for an answer as he's like trying to load the suit of armor into the wagon. We still have a horse. Yeah, did our horse survive this? Yeah, nothing happened to the horse. The trees had no beef with the horse. It's like, yeah, you're fine. Without caring or asking any questions, Floss would just simply in a very kind way try to help lift the armor into the back of the wagon, that sort of thing. Oh, let me help you. That kind of a thing. Thanks. Just give the arm. This would definitely be a thing where like you load it up in the cart and the cart goes like just it's like as you're dragging it, those heavy ass water temple boots are just digging a hole in the grass and mud.

Just OK. That's fair. Again, it is it's a one of a kind piece. I don't know if that's going to translate into money, but like it's you know, that that's a good way to pitch it. Underwater mining operations. I mean, uncharted territory. We do have some water in the bottom of our mine. We know we also have a very large hole which isn't filled with water. But you know of that we know of, but also could be, you know, I think if this is a space suit could be underwater, could be in a dangerous place. Whatever. I mean, I hate to say it. No, I hate to. Why did I say that?

I love to say it. We this has been quite a night. Floss would probably say that. Well, this has been quite a night. The wagon's like fucked up. Everybody's got dragon eyes and whatever. I'm not going to address Kyve's outfits. He's like *fart noise* He's just yeah. I think it's this has been quite a night and we should roll with it. But I do think we do need a rest. On to Newbury. The walls haven't been left untouched here. Probably as safe as anywhere else. That reminds me, great news. The curse is lifted. We're done. There's no more curse. The stupid druid is gone and so is her stupid curse.

She dealt with it for 50 years. I solved it in five minutes, idiot druid. We're sleeping in her house. Okay, calm down Kyve. Sorry, I'm feeling kind of aggressive right now. I'm not sure why. House, house. That may be a problem and he'll point back to what's left of whatever she used to have as a hut. Yeah, the walls are still up but that hut is gone. But Floss will sort of go and push a few things around to make a camp area for us to maybe get some rest. And in doing so, I think this is as good a time as any to sort of poke around to see if there's anything that may have been left behind from our friend Miss Merki.

If you're digging through the rubble, you're going to find lots of druid stuff. You're going to find lots of herbs. You're going to find, you know, it's kind of meeker possessions in terms of like you're not going to find a lot of gold jewels. You are going to find lots of little stick symbols and stuff like that. Very Blair Witch, very like old school. Like if you were to look at that it's like, "Oh my god, my grandma used to make stuff like this and she was a stupid druid too." So like you kind of, you know. I'm taking all the herbs. This is worth a lot to me.

Yeah, I mean like there's tons of, like okay, here's the thing. A lot of it is your basic stuff, you know, regular ass druid. It's like this takes care of a headache. This is for erectile dysfunction. This one's for, you know, like it's all very useful stuff. None of it's going to cure cancer, right? Like it's, you know, it's just good to have on hand. She had a stocked medicine cabinet is how I would put it. Good. And you're staying the night. I feel like, yeah, we should try to get our long night in and head to Newbury in the morning. I'm assuming that maybe we would all chat about it, but unless there's any other argument, I feel like let's just get back on track with all of this fever dream of an evening to go away.

Chapman looks up at Murky Martha in her tree form, you know, like, "Well, at least you died doing the thing you loved. Good night, Martha. You should have accepted my deal." If there's, I'm imagining everybody sort of shutting down, well, Floss would be shutting down, sort of like going into his little repose, but everybody's starting to fall asleep. I think right before this moment, whenever Linda is probably passing out, I think he would whisper, "Miss Linda, did you see Cousin Larry by any chance? May he rest in peace?" Well, actually, he was my great step-uncle, but I appreciate you trying.

Also, no, no I didn't. We're lucky Floss would get Larry, so Cousin was as close as he could go. But Linda is actually only pretending to go to sleep. Oh. Alright. Do I smell some sort of caper? Well, just, you know, if everyone is like, asleep, Linda wants to get up and do some stuff. Yeah, once you get up, you notice Chapman went to bed, like sleeping really awkwardly close to you. Oh, he's sleeping. Okay. So. Okay, so you're alone, essentially, everyone's asleep. What do you want to do? So the first thing that Linda does, well, no, okay, first she's gonna go up to kind of like what Cave did.

She wants to go up to a tree and punch it. Just a bare-handed punch-up? Yeah, she wants to see like how it feels. Okay, we'll do that. For some- okay. How- how- how- what are Linda's dimensions? Because I picture you when I picture you walking up to a tree and just hitting it and I'm like, "No, Val, don't." So what- how- like how tall is Linda? What's she- what's she pack and musculature-wise? Well, I think Linda's like on the taller side. Okay. Probably like, I don't know how heights work, so like five, seven? Is that- I think that's really tall for a woman.

I mean, for you, yeah. For me, everything's tall. But she's- she's like on the taller side. She's not like super muscular. Like she's not really that into like combat, like physical combat. For those out there, Linda's got a 10 in strength. So- so perfectly average. So you're just gonna lay into this tree? Yeah, like literally as hard as I can. Okay. Hmm. Do me a favor. Give me a flat d20 and we're looking for a 15 or higher. Anything below that we have problems. Uh oh. Okay, first roll of the day though. Yeah- oh shit, yeah. And it's a flat d20, okay. Okay, let's do it.

Haha! Success! 16. You do not break your hand. So you're- it's gonna hurt like hell. Like, I don't know if you've- okay. You don't seem like the type of person that gets mad and hits things. It seems- seems more like a dumb guy thing. I did it when I was younger. But like, I once- I once punched a car door. It was one of the dumber things I'd ever done. I'm not- I'm not advocating for it. But there's a feeling. It's- it's a sting that shoots through. You're gonna feel it in your wrist. It almost feels like numb. And then, for a second, and then overwhelming pain is going to shoot through your hand and your forearm.

I don't think you'd be able to withhold a scream. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you punched a tree, Val. Like- Don't- don't- hit the tree. Pain goes up her arm. And she's trying to be quiet. But she'll go, "Shit!" And she'll just kind of like look at her hand. And then, and here's the good part. She's going to look directly into the camera. And she's gonna say, "Who are you people?" Yes, yes. "What's going on here?" So, okay. This is you demonstrating free will, right? This is you? It's like I can- I'm going to do something against my best interest to prove that I'm in control type of thing.

Yeah. Okay. For those of you who may have missed it, Linda has a bit of permanent madness. And the madness is that her life- No, I think she's onto something, actually. Well, okay. You could put a YouTube video out about it and we'll all talk about it in the comments. But like, basically she believes that her life and everyone's lives are being controlled by people playing a game, man. It's all- it goes so deep you don't even know. Like it's very- yeah. So, you're gonna yell and- everybody give me a perception check with advantage. We're looking for 13 or higher.

Oh. I wanted to wake up. Cave. Wow, guys. Cave's the only one. So Cave is gonna- Punch trees all night. Are we punching trees? So Cave's gonna hear a sound and then you're gonna hear Linda like, "Shit!" And you're gonna kind of like groggily look over just in time for her to stare off into the middle distance. There's like a field over there. "Who are you people?" Like just- Linda's having some trouble and may need some counseling. Yeah, I just- I imagine Cave's been sleeping very lightly because he doesn't know how to sleep in spiked plate armor. So he's like, you know, crunkle- crawling over, tossing and turning, and eventually he just sits up.

And he's not gonna say anything right now, he's just gonna watch her. Like, what is she- what is she up to? Does she- does she get a response? No. No response. I'll read chat. Well, yeah, yeah. But like, there's no confirmation that this is happening, right? There's no- there's no like cinema box thing. Like you're just- you just have a feeling that that's where the camera is focusing. In your head it's like, yeah, it's clear as day. You can't see it? Like that type of thing. Okay. She's- okay, she's just kind of squinting to the camera a little bit more. And she's gonna say, "I'll talk to you later." Oh no.

She's gonna go and she's gonna go to sleep because she's just died. So she'll figure it out at some other time. I want to remind you that this is the boss. This is the person who's running the company now. Well, the Foreman's not completely better today. I feel like Floss and I are kind of like the standard of normalcy. Yeah, it's getting bad. Yeah. When she comes back to the camp, Cave just pretends he's sleeping. He goes back to sleep. So I gave everybody a long rest. You guys definitely deserved it. Thank you. You're still a little ways from Newberry. I guess I gotta do the thing.

Who's feeling lucky? Who wants to give me a flat D20 for travel? I think Linda's earned it. Okay, I'll do it. I'll do anything. I'm ready. Flat D20. Flat D20. Let's see what we're doing here. Eight. Okay. So not great. Not terrible, right? So this nasty wind is gonna kick up. The sky's gonna go dark, but it doesn't start raining. But the wind is so bad it's gonna hit the broadside of the cart every once in a while and tip it not all the way over, but just like everybody's gonna have to shift. It's like, oh, shit. Like just you're gonna feel it in your butts as this as this start to go up and then boom.

Like it's gonna hit the ground and keep going. It's gonna slow you down a little bit. However, by the end of the day, I'd say somewhere around like the eight, nine p.m. type of thing. Sunset. And it's it's it's basically time to crash. You're gonna see the town of Newberry. And you are more than welcome to pull on in and get your get your horse taken care of, get your you know, get just put up your feet, take a rest. Hell yeah. Linda, your eyes look rather lovely in this light. Thank you. Wow. Valerie. I don't know if that was intentional, but that was the absolute perfect cadence.

I have heard that tone from women who have received too many compliments about a thing to rapid fire. Thank you. That like there's a subtext of please stop now. But you're trying to be polite. And that was bravo. You nailed it. It was good stuff. Thank you. I'm glad I brought that out of you. Xavier is very good at this. He's done. We call him the coach. This place is it's obviously so for Linda. Linda's used to places like Brightport. Right. These big cities, these, you know, lots of infrastructure. Newberry is not that impressive, but it's the largest city you have on this island.

And there's everything that you could want. There's just not a variety of things. So instead of there being four or five, six taverns, there's one. There's there's an in there's you know that there's a bunch of stuff. So as you're there's only a couple of businesses that are still really open. The ugly mutt, which is which is a tavern. There's this kind of wooden carving sitting next to the kind of next to like a signpost outside of this place of. Well, it's a dog, but it almost looks like a gargoyle hanging over the door. This big wooden carving of the ugliest fucking dog like just just it's terrible.

There's an apothecary in town called Grubs and Other Gross Things. There is a restaurant, but it's closed right now. That's called the Shaky Spoon. There is also a jeweler in town. They are closed right now, but they open bright and early in the morning called the Discerning Eye. Well, there are two eateries. The Shaky Spoon is more of a home style cooking type of thing. You know, you've been on the road a long time, like, oh, let's get some warm soup in you type of thing like meatloaf and things like that. Real home cooking. The other one is. OK. You know the show that the drive ins, diners, dives show Guy Fieri, you know?

Well, imagine he opened a restaurant in Fieri. It's called We Didn't Start the Fryer. It is. Well, this is this is good. Yeah, I want a deal. Give me a deal. Yeah. I'm out. And of course, the in four walls and a roof. Now, this I like this I like. Very it's it's it's basic. It is exactly what it says on the tin. Where would you like to go? How many days have we been on the road? Actually, do you have a tally? Yeah, it's been a couple of days, like like two, two and a half something. Yeah, it wasn't that long. It's not a huge island is the thing. It's just dangerous as shit.

Think of this like two and a half days ago, we left the mines to go to Newberry as, you know, young adventurers. And now just imagine this this group of people riding into Newberry and just two days, completely different people at this point, I think. Yeah. Oh, I do want to mention the second the second eatery is open. They they cater to more of a stoner crowd. So they open around noon there. It's like Jack in the Box. They're open to like 2 a.m. So, you know. Well, do we want to conduct business right now or are you all tired and want to go rest? I don't mind either way.

I might go drop by the pocket very right now. Is it open? Is it closed? They'd be open. OK, I'll be open. I want to get something to eat. I can always split the party. Yes, splitting the party. Always a great idea. Who are you talking to, Linda? I picture a lot of Jim from the office, like, wow, looking into the staring off of amazing. Plus, plus, I'll come with you, Dr. Chapman. Mr. Chapman is happy to join along. All right. Well, once you guys are done there, if you want to meet us at the. Look at the name of the restaurant in there. We'll get a table, I guess.

All right. Let's go buy or sell. I don't know what you're after. Let's go sell some some some weeds and stuff. So this place very, very mellow. Like there's like, OK, like there's stores in the mall that just sell shit like wind chimes and those little desk waterfalls and soft color changing lamps. And the music's like, oh, like the entire time you're in there. Very much like that, that vibe. And there is a gentleman with sunglasses on. Essentially, there are these darkened spectacles, so there's tiny little circular spectacles. And he's going to do this and pull them down and look at you as you come in and then push them right back up.

Still kind of lounging on the counter. Doesn't really like, you know, doesn't doesn't perk right up. Kind of gives you a bromat to greet you. This is the apothecary, right? Apothecary, yes. OK, yeah. Tap in and step in and kind of trail off and kind of goes like, good evening. It's been lovely. The wind's been calm. And he's kind of like, like play with his his his wispy munchups and tap his hat twice and say the birds flock. And and there's always rumbling in the ground, as they say. And what he's doing is he's using thieves' cant to see if he basically he's asking him, like, are you cool?

I need a favor. And there's no harm if he doesn't speak these. No, no, no, no, no. Floss is, by the way, browsing, just like picking up soaps that smell like patchouli or whatever and just like looking at things. So he's not paying any attention to this. A lot of fucking patchouli and cloves, like a lot like just it's. He's going to feel attacked in the chat. Sorry. Wait for it. Go for it. So this dude again, still kind of like lounging. All right. Picking up with you, putting down, brother. What do you what do you need? What do you need? All right. Everything he's going to say.

Well, there's no one else in the store, right? No. I mean, there's floss, but that barely counts. OK. No, that's great. I mean, in terms of like, you're right. Good. So he's just going to drop the act. He's not going to keep talking and do scant then. OK, so you said he takes out his little notepad and goes, all right, I'm here to pick buying supplies for my employer. She's given me money for ingredients for 10 healing potions and five healers kit or 10 healers kit. I got it written down somewhere here. Yes, I do. 10 potions, healings and five healers kits.

But I need you to do me a solid, as your kind would say. I really need some bull moss real bad. I got I need to brew me some brine juice. It's been a while and you got any poisons that paralyze or put to sleep. He OK, so he's going to arch the eyebrows, kind of over the spectacles, like things going to kind of like look at your friend. He's going to say, I'm a doctor, you see. Uh huh. You're your friend looks like a square. Oh, my friend. There's many squares, actually. Yeah. At that point, he'll pick he'll be picking something up and saying like, look, he's just excited.

He's absolutely, absolutely square and absolutely not. He's completely innocuous. You'll never have any issue with my friend floss over here. Well, one. Yeah, I got some poisons back here. A little more on the lethal end, but you could dilute it. I'm sure it should be fine. As far as the juice goes, and he's going to kind of like lean in kind of conspiratorily. I brewed up a gallon of the stuff. It's on the back. How much you want? I still need the supplies in some extent. I still need enough to make a bunch of potions, but if you could to do surprise. So maybe like half half of those potions, half of those healers kit as 20, 20, 175 gold pieces total.

So maybe like half of that. If you can. So you want to you want to take half the money that was allotted for supplies. And buy drugs with them, essentially. It's expensive. Well, these drugs will help me do my job better. So in the long run, it's an investment. But I also need you to sign this receipt so I can give it back to my boss. He doesn't know that the transaction happened. I'm signing. You know, you know what I'm signing. You know, that's fraud, right? Like you can get in a lot of trouble with tax collectors there. They're they're real harsh about that.

He's going to smile and say, I'm fairly good at tax evasion. Boy, that is not something you say out loud. He's going to start getting everything together and start to start. So deduct that money. Is that so is he ringing this up basically at this point? I mean, yeah. Like, OK, obviously the more legitimate items kind of making more of a show. It's like, oh, right, this that, you know, that. And then and it's like and here's a flask like kind of, you know what I mean? Totally. Whenever there's any sort of commotion around sort of wrapping it all up, whatever it is.

And assuming that this is something that he could find, because I know that the dude has some sunglasses, floss will say and these, please. And he will and he's going to find whatever sunglasses he could find that would be about, I don't know, just kind of interesting and sort of chic as much as possible. And I'll say, you know, just add those to the bill, basically. Give me two seconds. Give me a D6. We'll see what style of sunglasses you got. Fantastic. With it, not be the cat eye style. Those like make me want to throw up. It's OK. It's a six stars. The Terminator three.

Yeah, he'll do his best to make this be as what he can, but we'll see what happens. Aviators. I mean, I'm not mad. No, no. I mean, that's I mean, that's pretty it's pretty Linda. I feel like I'm still in touch with the artist for character art. Let's wait till the session ends because we've already got a bunch of revisions. Let us just roll the characters because we're just getting going. OK, all right. So aviators. So there I like them. I like it. Very Top Gun. Yeah. Very Johnny Silverhand. Great. So those are for Linda. Oh, yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah. The idea here was he's he's.

Well, we'll get there, but he's he just wanted to add those to the bill. OK. I mean, probably throw those in for free being as how you just drop over two grand's worth of gold in the place. Two hundred. Two hundred. Sorry. OK. Well, let me make a notation here because I wrote down two thousand. So I thought you were buying much more like. Oh, no, no, no. That's why I'm like I'm here for the ingredients because I can make all this stuff myself. Right. Right. You save some money. I'm a stickler. I'm a cheap cheap steak. So you guys are you guys are good. Like you've you've let's let's reserve a table.

Oh, go ahead. I was going to say, wasn't this place given to us as a place they could buy the rubies? The gems. Well, there's a jeweler in town. Yeah, it's probably a better place. Let's just. Yeah. All right. You'll he'll he'll smile at the vendor and he'll just be like, well, you're a friend of the doctors now. I'll be in touch. I imagine that sounds fairly menacing, like no, he's smiling. He's smiling. No, he has a beautiful, sincere smile. His eyes. He smiles with his eyes. Yeah, but here's the thing. You slap some mutton chops on that and it automatically just changes things.

It shifts it, man. Sorry about that. Well, I'm just like. Do you know what I'm going to grow? You know what? I'm going to grow some sick ass. I'm vexed. I want my deal. Give me a rare deal right this moment. Are you? Then we'll go to the table and I'll shut up. Are you serious? Yeah. OK. You want to get a deal? You don't. Anybody can do it. Well, I mean, there's lots of time for you. All right. I have nine. So you wanted the legendary or do you want something else on there? What's under legendary? Rare. Oh, I'll have the rare one. All right. That's probably good. You are in town.

A little tidbit is important. I have seven rare envelopes in my hand right now. Lucky number seven. Yeah, I want to go for lucky number seven. I was just about to say that drawing from the bottom of the pile. Now we're here. Yeah. Placing the rest back inside. Oh. So you are going to kind of get all this stuff bagged up, right? And you're going to start to leave, leave the shop, you know, you're you're you have all your stuff and the bag. Is going to completely slip out of your hands. It is going to become instantly far heavier, far heavier than it was just a moment ago.

And like you kind of like stop as this is just after you leave, leave the shop here and you're just kind of like, what the fuck was that? Like what? What happened? And. There's a hammer. In your bag now, like a like a fucking war hammer. And it is beautiful. It is a gorgeous like it like it almost looks like it almost looks like that the end of it is that the bulk is made of marble, like this beautiful inlaid gold swirling. The design kind of changes based on the light. So it almost looks like it's moving and ebbing and flowing. This thing looks like it's worth quite a lot of money.

Good to know. When the bag starts to fall to the ground floss, just much like with the wagon and the and the armor, he'll he'll reach down and let me help you with that. Absolutely. He'll try to help lift it up, like as though you were dropping something. Oh, thank you, friend. Something with the slip in there. Let me have a look. Well, I mean, you've described it, but is it is it large? Is it like a one handed hammer? Is it a big old two handed thing? It's it's it's it's it's technically versatile. I would more categorize it as a sledgehammer. He looks at floss, looks back down the bag.

That's a gift for you, floss, for being my my good friend, my my good and only friend. Thought you might appreciate that. Chapman, I that's the kindest thing anyone's ever done for me. And he'll he'll sort of look at it like, are you sure? And he'll gently if you sort of nod, he'll pull it out. And just take a look at it. Is there does he feel anything? Anything change or is it just simply just a really nice thing? Who wants to know what this hammer does? Well, I know the name from the overlay. Oh, yes. I didn't see that. It's called the hammer of sin. Now, you have no idea how perfect this is.

So this thing technically can't be wielded by anyone other than someone kind of kind of pure. Floss falls under that category. Because there's a lack of awareness. There's it's not anything he does that would be considered bad. It's not premeditated. It's not you know, he's he's an uncarved block is the way I like to think of him, right? He's just he hasn't been he at least mentally, he's hasn't been around the block at all. So he's uncarved. It's just pristine. When when you swing this thing at somebody. So this is a this is a plus two hammer. When you swing this thing at somebody.

Yeah, it's a big it's it's a big boy. I'll take it. When you swing this thing. I thought you're just drinking mustard every time you drink it. I know everybody says that I got to get on the thing. I know it's like how much mustard do you get? Okay. All right, everybody. Depending on what sin is most prevalent in your target, if it's wrath, if it's, you know, lust, greed, whatever. The attacks effects change. And it like it's it's there are basically these big aoe bursts that it does based on who you attack and what they're kind of guilty of, quote unquote.

Wow. So cool. Thank you, Xavier. And I hope you very I hope this helps you in your work down the mines. This this would make things a bit easier. And he'll you know, he'll take a few moments to sort of strap his well, actually, he probably left it in the wagon. I imagine his his pick. So it's probably all sort of strapped up. But he'll he'll he'll sort of hefted around like with a like a kid with a new toy, basically. Nice. I believe I have a bane to pick to choose from to. Oh, I didn't forget about the. OK, OK. I didn't do that. Give me a number between one and seven and we'll just dust that off when we get to the restaurant.

We'll do seven again. All right. So far, I like it. So back at the restaurant, you guys reserving a table, basically? I mean, it's not a packed place this time of night, really. It's more of like a drive time rush hour place. But I believe it was a cave and linder going in or just Linda? A cave and linder. OK, so when you walk in. There is there's a woman dressed very loudly, like. Man. So, OK. Do you know how people have enchanted tattoos that move and stuff like this? She has this big, almost a Hawaiian tunic, is how I would describe it. But the patterns are shifting on it like Rorschach's face mask.

And she has this slicked back. Ultra blonde hair. And she's going to see you come in. There are only a few other people enjoying the restaurant and she's going to walk up. Well, hello. What can I get you? Like she's very like very boisterous and loud and in your face that like you expect someone to use their inside voice. She's shouting like a fucking carnival barker. Perfect. Linda will walk up and say. Hi, thank you so much for having us. We would like to get a table for four and also a lot of alcohol. Cavesman type. But then he goes, oh, yeah. She is going to slap her hand down on that little podium next to the thing with menus.

Slap her hand. All right. I like a lady who knows what she wants. Come on, follow me. And she's going to escort you to the back of this place. Right. Things kind of shaped like a tunnel, you know, like those shoebox GameStop stores. It's twice as long as that, but like there's a there's a big table in the back and she's going to she's going to slide some some menus out and stuff. She's going to get four of them. Names, Kalora. What can I get you to drink? Just any alcohol? Oh, yeah. OK. You decide for me. Oh, no. Well, hang on a second. And he's going to flip through the menu and be like, what?

What are your specials? I don't see anything on this. Make up 50 drinks right now, Jason. Well, I could tell you about the special. It's called the soup strainer. So what we got is a lot of broth in the back that we just don't use and it kind of strains through. And there's a lot of rock solid stuff at the bottom of it after about two, three weeks. And what we do is we cook that again and ferment the entire thing and it will knock you on your ass. Yep, I'll take it. I will not. I don't want that. Thank you. It's an acquired taste. Yeah, that's fine. Give me a he'll he'll just look through and he'll he'll pick like just a nice sipping liquor.

We don't need to go crazy. They'll pick something that sounds palatable, at least. This this sounds nice. I'll take this. Thank you. OK. Everything on this menu. Yeah. Is. Michael Bay to oblivion. Everything is exploding and on fire and coated in cheese and deep fried. It's the most American looking menu. Right. Love it. You weren't you weren't there for this dragon con, but Jasper took us to a place. Oh, man. The restaurant itself was dipped in a fryer. And you you had to wait for the restaurant to cool before you could walk in like it's that kind of establishment.

They have they have something called dragon sauce that they like to put on everything. And they have a beverage that they claim is a sipping beverage based on the taste of their dragon sauce. So the second sounds American. Yeah. So the second kid looks at this menu and he's like, oh, this place isn't for me. And then and then he'll eventually arrive at whatever that dragon sauce liquor is and just be like, this sounds fine. Thank you. That's fine. So, OK. It's called the Draconic Buzz and. It is the closest thing to classy that this menu has. OK, so, you know, she's going to she is the owner operator and she is going to personally make sure that all of your drinks are up to par.

So the soup strainer kind of comes in this. It comes in a glass, but on top of it, you know, like some some glasses get like little umbrellas that they put in there. This gets a decorative colander that sits on top of it. And there's like a there's like a garnish. And as she brings it over, there's like a tamping tool and she just goes and an injection is the best way I could put it. It looks like ink in water. And it's it's like there's your flavor. This is the bane, right? This is the bane. At first, I went through the motions of Kombucha Girl, I think when you described it.

Oh, no, this is gross. Seconds later, you know, what could be worse? So the Draconic Buzz. Is served in a saucer. Like you're a kitten. And then she sets it on fire and there is this whitish blue flame that's kicking off of it. But she's not done. She puts two little sticks down with what looks to be they could be like mice or just just little bits of chicken or something like that. And there's a rotisserie that sits on top of this chicken nugget. And it's like, there you go, enjoy, like very like like classy, like that. That's how she's going to back away.

Like she's just she just fucking blew your mind with class. Yeah, Cave tries his best, which isn't very good at being polite and being like, hmm, thank you. Remember what you're wearing? Yeah, exactly. Because you're sitting there with like this black battle armor being like, hmm, OK, and you know, we'll give it the old college try. We'll give it. I just assume we have to blow out this fire or whatever. I mean, I guess I would like that is that's probably like, you know, how waiters just like, oh, watch the skillet. It's hot like that type of thing. It's like, don't burn your face off type of thing.

Like it's very. Yeah. And look at Linda and be like, I'm going to admit, there's been a weird couple of days. I apologize. It's not always like this here. This is he's looking at her calendar. But hey, and he'll he'll pick up his awkward dish and like go to toast. Yeah, she'll she'll cheers him. She wants to try this drink. Can I get a D10 from both of you? Because obviously taste is something that it's debatable. What I find delicious, you might find gross. So I want to see how these drinks appeal to you specifically. OK, that's a three. I think that was to be expected.

It tastes like, oh boy. So it tastes like a whiskey. That someone cooked a barbecue over like it tastes like smoked mesquite and like bits of congealed fat. Yeah. OK, so. So he's like he goes through like seven emotions and he's like, OK, he sets it down. And he starts digging through his armor to find his flask. Look, the entire time you're sitting there like I don't know why I'm picturing that friendlies booth thing, that cheesecake factory thing. And you're just like gouging little holes in it with your fucking like your little spikes all over your armor the entire time.

Just like pop, pop, pop. Yeah. Value didn't make out much better. Linda, this is a three for Linda, too. What it tastes like is someone made tea. And then it almost tastes like they injected cheese into it. Like hot Velveeta. Like very. It's an odd taste. It's like at first you taste like, oh, that's kind of like a weak tea. Holy shit. What was that? Like it just comes in a wave. There's like a little tagline for the beverage. It's called Ride the Crest. So it's on their menu. It's like they're very. So like she's like surfing on a big thing of cheese. Like it's very like they marketed the hell out of it.

So has it all like does it like sink to the bottom then? It's kind of like, yeah, like a swirl. Like if you dropped like I remember the ink and water analogy, it's like that. But like eventually all that kind of pulls at the bottom. So there's definitely some solids in your glass. Mm hmm. In the bottom. That's where the flavor is, though. Right. Right. Perfect. I feel like there is a really long kind of silence after just a death, like a death of conversation. This is interesting. I don't know. We haven't even gotten to food yet. This is awesome. So let's let's let's eventually I imagine we got the doctor and floss coming in to this place and probably asking.

It's like, oh, did our friends. Oh, there they are. They're in the back. This place isn't that crowded. But hello. There they are. And both of you would be given this iced tea slash cheese beverage just just as like a it's like, oh, we took the liberty. Don't drink floss. You know, immediately take it gulps at least half of it. But of course, it just sort of filters through and puddles at his feet. Yeah. And he just says, what a day and sort of pushes, you know, comfy. Right. Good to have you back. And he's looking at Linda and like tap you on the shoulder like, come on.

Give me. We got you something and he's going to push this over to you. Is it. Yeah, it's not wrapped or anything, right? No. But importantly, he'll say, do you want to know what it is? It's not wrapped. Man. Too cute. Linda will say, you know what, floss? Why don't you tell me what it is? Well, I was in a good finally, you basically just flip the switch. Great. Well, I know that there was a bit of a problem with your, you know, and he's going to point and then you'll say, but then you got the new and he'll point again and he'll say and then there's and he'll point at Chapman.

And then he'll say, so I thought and then he'll open the, you know, each of the and he'll lift them up and sort of suggest that you put them on. OK, Linda will put them on and she'll like individually look at everyone. It's like, how is it? How does it look? They look great. The shine you have to hide your eyes. This will make the reveal all that more Draconic. Thank you, floss. I really do appreciate this. It will help with the light sensitivity as well. That's what I was thinking as well. Right, Mr. Chapman. Excellent. And and then he'll just sort of lean back, pleased with himself and and with Linda.

Chapman also goes, I also got a surprise for you. And he takes the receipt, like slams it on the table and like gingerly pushes it towards Linda. Is there a seat? I know you like those. Wow. That's the most passive aggressive shit. No, he was actually sincere. Oh, that's very serious. OK, Linda, we'll we'll pick up the receipt and look at it and double check that everything looks good. And she'll say, OK, perfect. Then that's one thing off of our to do list. As you guys are sitting there. Bright flash is going to kind of hit the place, just almost like almost like like a film reel slipped by.

It's like, oh, shit, like it's just for a second. We got to open this bank. Whatever it is, it's going to happen right here and right now. Oh, boy. Two men are going to enter this establishment. They're dressed. They're dressed a little oddly in that they're dressed up there. They're they're they're they're they're wearing very fine garments. And the thing is, they look like a couple of bruisers, like big, bulky dudes, kind of kind of like heavy kind of. They look like heavies. And they're going to point and then just one of them is going to point back to your table.

And. They're going to approach Dr. Chapman. Me and my associate would like to speak to you privately. We're having dinner once this about. We would like to not make a scene in this fine establishment. Could you please talk to us in the alley back behind this place? I wasn't even enjoying the food anyway. I'll be right here. He looks at the group. I'll be right back. Floss starts to stand up as well. No, floss is fine. No, this doesn't feel right. I just want to talk. I'll talk and come back. Maybe I'll get something to eat on the way. So they're going to kind of look around.

They're kind of shifty. They're going to look around and they are going to open the door for you and escort you around back behind this place. First, I would like to give my condolences. This is a very trying time for your family, as I am sure you are aware. Well, there's been some loss in the family, yes. As you probably already know. Your great uncle Dreyfus has passed away. Before you keep going, do I have a great uncle Dreyfus? Not that you know of, but like it could I mean, it could be it could be my I can connect with Linda about this. Ooh. Go on. The problem is Dreyfus had a significant debt to us and our family.

He has unfortunately passed this debt on to you with his death. We are going to need eleven thousand gold from you, preferably before dawn. If not, we could make payment arrangements. But if not, we will take your knees. That's going to be a hard task. Who do you? Who's your boss? Can I talk to them directly? Like, whose whose whose money is this yours? Or are you just employed? We are members of the family, but we will not be taking your money directly. This will be passed up the chain. And our boss is very busy, but I am sure that we could accommodate you only because of the loss.

Your family may rest in peace. May I rest in peace? If you swing by the classier eatery tomorrow around lunch, we can get you a sit with our boss. Now, I don't think that's going to be necessary. Excellent. And the eleven thousand gold you owe us will be due by dawn. You know, I could probably give you a down payment right now. There's going to kind of be a look. What kind of a down payment are we talking about? Is it at least 50 percent? He rolls up his his left sleeve and there's a there's a bracelet with a like encrusted gem on it. This is my most valuable possession.

It's probably worth quite a while if you have it apprised. But if I give it to you, maybe we can make a little trade. Maybe I take something that's very valuable to you. Like and he starts taking it off like a reputation. And he he tosses the ring at their feet. OK. Just so I understand this before we before we get into any repercussions. Yes. So this is the thing I think it is. OK. So when you take that off, Chapman is going to shape change essentially before their eyes. Yes. And it's almost like, oh boy, it's kind of a you remember American Werewolf in London?

Yes. Kind of that. So those those mutton chops are going to start to recede and his nose is going to start to elongate past his face. It kind of becomes this this snout. And these people are definitely going to take a step back while they are tough. This is not how they saw the evening going. They're going to take a couple of steps back. And Chapman is going to go full lizard folk. Yes. Big reptile looking almost like like a big old alligator and a man. If I can put some some some spice on it. These do. He looks the like horned lizard type of lizard folk. So like his tiefling horns kind of revert back into this kind of like crested, those crested horns.

And his size are going to like widen a bit. And just before transforming, he took his little bowler bowler hat off. And as soon as he's finished transform, he's going to put it back on and make the whole still fit. And his clothes were baggy before. So it's not that like the Incredible Hulk. But now they're kind of like a better fit. Yeah. He's not like Killer Croc or something, but he's definitely. Oh, man, do you guys remember a video game called Bloody Roar? Do I? OK, so it's a fighting game where all the people basically had these animal forms that they transform into.

Right. And there was this kind of like a chameleon gecko horned lizard type of one. And that's what I'm picturing in my head for some reason. Kind of bulky, but not like ridiculous. Yeah. A lot of a lot of bloody roar love in the chat. Thank you. They just stop making those. I don't know why. So these two are going to kind of back away, not run, but they're going to back away and then round the corner and then sort of take off in a direction. Because this has become a little more complicated than. Originally. Thought. Yeah. And before the scene ends, like Chapman alone in the alleyway is just going to go like.

Shit. I'm going to say you guys are going to wrap up in this restaurant and are you having several drinks or is the aim to get drunk? Well, first, I have a question, assuming Chapman rejoins us. Is Chapman the Chapman that we know or is Chapman? Excellent question. Did they take off? Did they take off with the bracelet that I toss at their feet? I'd say it's 50/50 because like I like that I'd say I'd say because it's one of those things where the the transformation isn't going to be instantaneous, but it is fairly quick. So you know what? Give me a flat D20 one through 10.

They did 11 through 20. They did not. They did. They grabbed it. Yeah, that's a problem. I'm glad things are getting more complicated for this group. This is good. This is excellent. But we needed a little spice. You guys have had it too good for too long. So. You stick out. It is night and you're in an alley. What's the plan here? What do you want to do? Dr. Chapman did not think that far ahead. So he'll kind of like Raphael and his big trench coat. He'll kind of like put his lower his hat a bit to hide his face and he'll just lean at the side at the edge of the alleyway waiting for the rest of the group to to to exit.

I mean, after a while, you know, floss floss would have I'm going to go check basically just to make sure everything's OK. So unless everybody wanted to be able to get up and we were leaving, floss would at least go peek his head around the corner. Yeah. And I think that I think the cave would like scoot out to let floss out and then back in and then be like, you know, I'm ordering the simplest thing on this menu anyway. So we'll be out in a minute. Yeah. I'd be right. I'm sure everything's fine. But just to scratch the itch. So he'll go out and sort of poke his head around.

And I imagine he would see you doing well and sort of just like slinking around in the shadows a bit. Mr. Chapman, you all right? Yeah, floss, floss, floss. I'm doing fine, floss. Nothing to worry about. You can go back in. I have a bit of a problem. Floss would would be racing towards him, not like breakneck speed, but simply in urgency, like I'm going to take care of you. Maybe you got stabbed or something like that is what his thought would be. So he'll get closer. And I imagine. Yeah, go ahead. Can you describe can you describe me? Do you have a good visual?

You remember what I look like floss? I would like to say yes, but then I also am myself, but I believe so. So he would sort of crouch down a bit just to sort of get a better angle. I don't think that Chapman would probably want to open himself up, but he'll kind of look in. So he'll take his hat off. Does this look familiar to you, floss? Well, I don't recall seeing some of the parts that I'm seeing, but you still are Mr. Chapman, as long as you're not stabbed and missing something. And he'll sort of look around for limbs. No, I didn't get the chance, but I have a bit of a problem now.

And it's hard for me to keep up with the accent without the proper lips. So you're going to have to trust me. I lost a very important ring. Apparently, I owe a lot of money to some people here. I didn't know about that. I didn't want any of this, but I'm going to need a new bracelet and a whole new alter ego. If you could hide me in the meantime, I would very much appreciate it. Sounds good. I'll be right back. And he's going to just poke his head in and he's going to yell from the door. We'll be just a few more moments. Get yourselves another appetizer and then he'll just, no response waiting.

He's just going to basically take you to wherever the wagon was. Oh, yeah, just put me in the armor. I'll just be in the armor for a while. Oh, there you go. So when Floss leaves, there's another moment of silence and then Cave's been occasionally idling, trying to pull one of these gauntlets off. He's not going. He'll just go back to picking it, whatever they ordered. Like picking a scab or something. Yeah, he's like, "That's not coming off. I'm ready to figure that out." How many drinks have you guys had? Just wondering. Cave finished most of the one he ordered and has reverted back to his flask.

He's not ordering any other drinks from this place. And I figure your flask is what? Like a standard whiskey type of thing? Actually, it's something that I've been meaning to talk to you about. He bruised his own hooch back at the mine. Like fucking moonshine? Yeah. Oh, okay. So that's more potent than... Okay. But yeah, so he, after a minute, Floss comes in and says what he says. He just looks at Linda and is like, "I don't believe that anything is going right outside. What do we want to do? Are we okay or do you want to go out there?" I think even though it didn't taste good, Linda's still been sipping her drink.

And I think at that, with every weird thing seems to keep happening, she's going to chug down the rest of the drink, bits and all, because you know it's the bottom. And she'll just be like, "Yeah, we should probably see what's going on out there." Okay, so here's what we're going to do. We have mechanics for drinking, and we haven't had a chance to really dust those off. Could you do me a favor and let me know your Constitution score? Not the modifier, just the score. My Constitution score is 14. Okay, so your beverage was about a three on the Laverne scale.

That's the scale we use to judge how much alcohol is in something in Theria. So what we're going to do is we shave those three off your Constitution score, not the... Think of it as drinking hit points. So right now, here's what you're going to be feeling. So you have advantage on all strength checks and five temporary hit points. That sounds about right. Yeah, you know what I mean? You got beer muscles right now. You're just kind of like feeling... You're kind of not feeling violent, but lower inhibitions. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, it's like me when I drink.

I just want to fight everyone. You do. I've been meaning to talk to you about that. And Cave, we're going to subtract five from your total. What's your Constitution at? Cave's Constitution is 12. Okay, slightly different situation. Okay. So your passive perception is now reduced to three. Okay. You're not perceiving much. And you have disadvantage on all wisdom checks and saving throws. That sounds about right. Okay. Other than that, you're fine. Okay, perfect. Then that's what he says. Other than that, I'm fine. Yeah, so I think we flag down this loud waitress, pay our tab, and get out at the earliest convenience.

But that gives them some lead time to do what they're going to do. Yeah, so like another five minutes or so, something like that. Meanwhile, back in the alley, what is the plan here? I mean, Floss took it to heart. Basically, this is like a kid who fell down and scraped their knee. And it's like, I don't care what happened. Let's take care of it. It doesn't matter. Let's just take care of it. So Floss is basically dragging him to the wagon to get the bends. As you're walking with me, I'm like, you're going to have to deny that there ever was a Dr. Chapman at the mine.

There was never a tiefling doctor at the mine. The new doctor is going to show up soon, but there never was a Dr. Chapman. Have you met me, Mr. Chapman? I'm barely able to remember that you exist. Floss. I would expect you at least to remember your good friend. Deep down I'm still Dr. Chapman, but right now I don't exist. So let's get in that armor. Get behind me in case anyone might be looking, and he'll just basically doo doo doo doo doo, just by myself, doo doo doo. Straight to wherever the wagon might be near the inn and wherever that was sort of hooked up.

And that's that. I picture there's like a blanket or something draped over, kind of like Spike and Buffy when he needs to get from place to place to not burn alive. So you're going to get back to the wagon and I guess you're going to put on this suit of armor. And it is a plus two suit of armor. It is, it is big and heavy. Your speed is reduced to 20 while in it. And it is cumbersome to say the least, but you kind of feel not indestructible but you kind of feel like very warm and safe very protected very, you know, like you think I might just stay in the cart for a while, stay in the suit in the cart.

Like you were feeling real like worried and anxious obviously and then you kind of get in here it's like, it's kind of cool like you know I people really can't see me. Like it's just this big, like, tinted glass face mask type of thing. Floss would be helping you put this on. I keep going back to kids because I've got these six-year-olds. It's like putting clothes on and saying "come on, put your leg in, put your leg in, no, grab it, no, no, no, grab it, grab it." And he's sort of cinching whatever he can cinch to make it quite right. "Watch the spikes!" Yeah, yeah, and he's trying to... exactly what's happening.

He's rolling with whatever additional parts are here and things, sort of squishing things around, making sure everything fits, putting that helmet on, and then he's going to say "one moment," and he's going to put the bowler hat on top and he's going to try to secure it. That way, people will know who you are. No, that's the opposite of what I want. Right, right, right, he'll knock it off. He'll knock it off. You floss. Where's my brain juice? Oh, God. By now, I think everyone is going to... they're going to get back to the cart. You guys are going to... well, OK, but how...

OK. You're obviously going to notice that Chapman's in this armor, or you'd assume it's Chapman because it's the only other member of your party. Not accounted for. Do you have any questions about that? Yeah, so I feel like by the time they finish, like, pushing him into this suit of armor, they turn around and Linda and Cave are just standing there like, "So, uh, what's going on, guys?" Sort of back and forth, probably a little bit. Yeah, and Chapman turns like his whole body to look around at Floss. So it's kind of like just doing this big, like, football player stance.

Mr. Chapman. He's dead. He just died and you're going to need a new doctor. I'll find you a new doctor. No more questions. And Floss will sort of put his elbow on Chapman, sort of leaning, and then he'll sort of point like this with his thumb and sort of go... like, it's just... just go with it kind of a moment. It's just punting. There's no explanation right now at all. But basically just... OK, so I recognize that the middle of this street in the middle of town is not the place to have this conversation, but we will have this conversation. So why don't we do this?

I don't care. Right now, Cave doesn't care. Cave just was in there and saw all sorts of things that... and tasted things that I'll never, ever be able to unexperience. I want to pretend that the last few days haven't happened, so I'm about to go finish drinking in my bed in a hotel. And tomorrow I think we should all have a really long conversation about... about what is happening because I'm starting to lose track. I'll be honest. Welcome to the club, sir. It does seem like a lot of different things are happening and she's going to kind of look around at everyone and then she'll just kind of look up into the sky.

And she'll just say... All this weird stuff is happening. Maybe like something like weird should happen to me too. And that's me, Valerie, I'm making a deal. I want a fucking legendary one. There's nothing weird has happened lately. I'd like to flashback about six months ago when you guys were the normal group team, like you saw danger and you're like, nope, going to nope out of this. Water, no thanks. Oh, this paperwork. Saving it all for Theriathon. Oh, man, I was so excited for paperwork too. So for those who don't know, we genuinely knowing that this is a very mining operation type scenario, there's a spreadsheet that we have that we share.

It is all about making sure we understand what's going on, knowing that there's going to be ins and outs for an operation here. That spreadsheet has now spilled over into all of the possible threads. And I honestly feel like we're running out of cells in this spreadsheet. Well, I need you to pick a number from one to nine. Wait, what level did you do? Legendary. Jesus Christ. It's my birthday. I am legendary. I don't know if there's going to be any left by the time we get to Firebrand like this. There's a bigger run on the... I figured you guys would, you know, dabble with the commons and uncommons.

Well, there were 10 legendaries, so at least two per group. Yeah, that's we'll see. I don't know. We get to care and there might not be any left. So there's going to be no episode, just deals. All right. Give me a number. Okay, so I was thinking, you know, 24. But you can either do four plus two is six or four times two is eight. You're over complicating this pick a number from one to nine shtick. I'm going to go with eight. Eight. Yes. Because four times two is eight and my birthday is on the 18th. Lots of eights. Lots of eights. All right. So you're okay. Linda is going to say those words while looking at the sky.

Yes. Oh boy. Oh, that one was sealed really well. I'm going to flash this up for everybody at home too, because I need them. This is a big one. This is baby. Hold up. Boons. Let's see. Which one are you? This is number 17 on our list. It's called I got news for you. A random cast member has their character slowly ascended to a demigod. What? Now that means we got to spin a wheel to see which cast member. Luckily, I have come prepared. So. Jesus. Okay. Well, it's going to be disappointing for Linda, though. She's like, like lightning to come down and then nothing fucking happens.

Well, here's the thing. There's a one in four chance. Yeah, there's a one in four chance. Oh, and actually, it'll just be like, oh, I wish something really big would happen. And then you're just going to get the boom. I'm sorry, the bane. Oh, that's a mother. That's actually a good point. That might happen. So that should open up a wheel in the thing. It did. Holy shit. That actually worked. All right. All right, guys, I'm spinning the wheel now. Oh, man. Oh, my God. I hope that person's not watching the game right now and just learns the news later. Or just learns it slowly.

Oh, my God. I can't do this because my Twitch doesn't want to work, so it's a complete surprise to me. It was almost James, but we're going to go with Ian. So, Ian, congratulations. Corvus. Half bird. Man, that's weird. Corvus is going to slowly ascend into a dead... We'll deal with that when we get to Vanguard. Holy shit. So Linda is going to look up to the sky and we'll get to how troubling this is for your teammates in just a moment. But we do have to get a Bane, and I need you to again. Number eight. Number... We got a good boon. We're going to get the best Bane.

Jason's going to shave his face. But you should, as you do it, make different styles. You got to shave down. Yeah, you got to... All right. We're jumping to conclusions here. There's still... That's a one and nine chance. I'm pretty good at calling things sometimes. So other groups, by the way, if you just use all the legendaries, it's got to happen. It's on you now. There's some pretty nasty shit in here, though. You got to be careful. Don't think that I would put myself in the draw and there not be something terrible. I told everybody the only rule is there's no insta-death.

Yeah, that's good. That was a smart move. That's just kind of... That seems unfair. Okay. Your Bane. This one just says spiders everywhere. Spiders. And then they have place. Yeah, I've used Amazon drones. They're already on the way. Do not worry. Okay, here's what we're going to do. You are looking up to the sky and you're, you know, you're basically... It sounds like you're maybe asking a god or just it's like, oh, I wish something would happen, basically. Out of nowhere, these leather straps are going to start to adhere to Linda. So it's going to take your power suit, basically, and slowly turn it into a leather power suit.

I mean, I'm not mad at that. So it is a bright white with these black inlays, leather power suit. Big like leather show, almost Dragon Ball Z-esque like... Just imagine the, you know, walking into someplace and... Yeah, it's like, wow, oh, man. Shit. These are called the Leathers of Bountiful Life. Now, obviously, this is a bane and I can't tell you when this is going to trigger, but I can tell you this armor is going to do its best to keep Linda alive by draining the life force of nearby things. That's good for Linda. That's good for Linda. Linda needs these, but yeah.

Is it constant or like just if Linda gets hurt, she gets like werewolf powers where she regenerates? You'll see. Cool. So fair enough. This is the moment that starts happening. Cave drops his flask and does that like everybody chill the fuck out motion. He's like, nobody do or say anything. Maybe ever again. This is insane. Like looking, looking at the sky, like looking at Chapman. What? And he's pretty much dead. Like he's mentally fried at this point. He's half drunk, but yeah. Am I fired? I thought you were dead. Wait, no, I mean, so... I just wanted to find a library.

Floss is just going to sort of turn around and sort of in anguish. So no, you're not fired. That's good on you, Linda. To Linda, are you okay? And he like kicks his flask down the road a little bit. So Linda pranks her head down. She feels like the power inside of her. And she says, yeah, I feel great. Well, that's good. I'm glad I really need to kill something. I want to lay down. Guys, I think it's a good time for us to stop for the day. Jasper, unless you want to send us off with something. You can't let me be the only person who hasn't done something. So Floss will simply say to Cave, I do think you're right.

We all need a good sleep. I feel like my head is spinning. And with that, I would like to take a rare card. All right, send us off. I'm not going to go legendary because I don't want to take that away from the other groups. That's the only reason. Otherwise, okay, fuck it. But I want to point out canonically, there is a reason this stuff is happening. But man, are you guys setting a bar that, like, I didn't know everyone was going to do. This is interesting. Other groups at least know that they might not accomplish much during the session if they just take the higher ones.

Yeah, right, right. Yeah, that's fine. It's like, I don't. And this moment is meant to just be, you're right, no one say anything else. And I think when he's anything is whenever this happens. Give me a number between one and six. I'm going to take number two. Number two. How lucky are you feeling? Oh, terribly not. You guys have got a lot of weapons or armor out of this, like weapon and armor. Like this is you're drawing some of the good stuff in this pile. All right, here we go. Nice, nice, nice. This is what I wanted to see. This is fucking perfect. Like just, just perfect.

Absolutely perfect. Perfect. As Floss says. What were the what was the exact word? Just don't do anything. Yeah, let me. So there's Cave is like, nobody fucking say anything or move. And Floss wanting to agree, says something. You're right. No one should say anything else. Chains are going to start to wrap around. Uh, wrap around Floss now. Yeah, these aren't more. Yeah, this is more like Mr. T chains. These are gold and and like they are, but they're going to keep wrapping and wrapping around his body until he's decked out in this glorious golden chain mail. Wow.

It's Johnny five. Yeah. Is it is it possible? Could this sort of still sort of adhere to his mix mismatched sort of the it'll be different shades of gold. Different like it's going to kind of like blend in because you're, you know, you're metal. So there's good news and bad news with this one. The good news is this is another. Okay, so this is a plus one armor. It it gives you several benefits. You are going to be magically resistant. So that's that's a pretty big boon. Here. Here's the it's called. It's called the chain mail of the fickle. And what it's going to do is it's going to kind of erode your ability to make decisive actions and decisions, which so fits floss.

It's it's basically it's like feels perfect. It feels normal to me. How do I look? So man, the next time you guys get into combat, you're going to be fine. Like you're like no one's dying ever again. You just it's whenever you're not in combat, you guys are a wreck. That's the problem. The only thing now is to get a Bane before we send you guys off. Do the Bane. I'm going to take number one. Number one. Thanks for thanks for allowing this moment for flaws. I don't want to be, you know, completely gratuitous, but I would not want this theory to go by without me at least having a moment to enjoy.

I hated every other part of it. Every single part of this. That's fair. All right. And yay. So this armor is going to coat your body. And just as you're like, oh, this this feels pretty good. It is going to melt off of your body and pool into a liquid pile of gold and dirt at your feet. Because sadly, you got Bane number 16. Talk about drip. And your armor melts right before your eyes. I love this so much. It's like, oh, it's happening to me. Something strange. And it actually feels pretty. Oh, oh. And it just sort of fizzles out and goes away. And so all of that's going to happen.

It's probably taken just a literal seconds for all of that to start happening and then sort of all to disappear. And he's going to look at Cave. Let's get some sleep. And he's just going to act like it didn't happen. Or maybe he imagined it. Everybody in the chat like that. They're heartbroken over that. I love it. I love it. I think that's a good time for us to stop. Yeah. Honestly, stop you. Yeah. Don't hurt yourselves anymore. Wow. Anybody out there watching who's going to play with me later. Did you think about these things before you take deals? Because there's good and the bad.

Thank you guys for sitting down and opening up the area with me. Appreciate it. Yay. Good God. I really hope you guys enjoyed today's show. We'll be back again with another episode next week. Of course, please feel free to shoot us an email at dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's dandrpodcast@gmail.com. If you have a question or a comment or a review or whatever. And again, you can get a ton of behind the scenes stuff from the planning of Theriathon and all that good stuff we'll be posting in the coming weeks on our Patreon at patreon.com/dandr. We got a brand new New Bloods coming out.

We got... Jesus, there's so many behind the scenes things to post. It's going to take us a while to sort through them. So please be patient. But the big thing we're going to be doing on Patreon is on Living in Theory. We're going to be going back to tackling one solid topic. And the first one we're going to do out of the gate is the New Gods. If you have suggestions or a question about the New Gods, you can swing on by our Discord for just a dollar on the Patreon page. And you can ask a question in the Living in Theria channel. And we're just going to try to get to as many of them as we can.

With all that being said, we'll see you next week. Thank you guys so much for listening to the show. And as always, good luck with your games.