The Way Forward

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And we'll get right into Firebrand. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves, huh, Chase? I'm the Dungeon Master. Going around the table, starting with Kelsey. Hi, I'm Kelsey. And I play, at least for one more session, Calypso Lovelace, the half-elf bard. Oh, my heart. And Rob. Hey, I'm Rob. I'm playing Jiolofame, the elf warlock. And when I draft Magic the Gathering, just in case any of you want to know, I draft red-white. Reflexively, I draft red-white, unless I'm being handed a pool that just doesn't include that. I start off red-white.

Definitely not blue. The least likely is blue. And God help you if you accuse him of it. God help you. [LAUGHTER] And Jamie. Hi, I'm Jamie. I play Bo Lothius, the tiefling paladin. And Zach. What's up? My name is Zach, and I play Paxton Morin on group Firebrand. And last, and certainly not least, Bree. Hi, I'm Brianna, and I play Gwen Lothius, the steel soul, half tiefling, half halfling. And I do play blue a lot, because it's cheap, and I love it. I prefer black, because they're cooler cards. But blue is pretty fucking awesome. I like that whatever you do helps me.

I have no idea what you guys' stuff means. That's how I felt when I played League with you, man. I'm sorry. No. Like, you're-- Remember when you kept me in League jail for like two hours? Oh my god. That was great. That was years ago. I'm sorry. I'm not sure it has a name. You guys should try Wild Rift. It's a lot more beginner friendly. All right. Here's what we're going to do. Kels, there are three rare cards remaining. Hey, for people who are listening to this episode in isolation, do you need to bring context? Well, this will be the last episode they get. I think they have context.

But for those of you who are-- No, no, no. For those of you who don't know, Kelsey got shafted. This theory-a-thon was not kind. Ryan, more specifically, was not kind to Kelsey. But we're going to try to balance the scale a little bit by allowing Kelsey to have-- I know, a little bit. I'm trying. By allowing Kelsey to have one of the last three remaining rare cards and not have to have a Bane. Just a boom. Just something that benefits Calypso, hopefully. [LAUGHTER] Which one are you feeling? 1, 2, 3. Man, I'm so bad at making choices. Let's go with 3. Yes.

Gosh, you feel that? Lucky number 3. Oh, man. I'm excited for you. The anticipation. Hey, as long as we're anticipating ringers off, because I just forgot to turn my-- [LAUGHTER] I never turned my ringer on in the first place. Mine's usually on mute, just because-- I forgot I have a ringer. I-- Just me. OK, thanks very much. Jason, back to you. I'd expect nothing less from a-- I'm joking. You just insulted me and Rob. Yeah, I know. [LAUGHTER] I was just cast. I thought you were just playing cards. We red players have very deep emotional lives, OK? Big networks.

Big networks. Jason plays red too, if it makes you feel more connected to him at all. Oh, I love goblins. I love sacrificing creatures. He plays fucking exclusively goblins. Oh, I love killing my own things to hurt you. That has nothing to do with my DM style. So OK, get ready. I'm just going to let that one hang and let the audience-- [LAUGHTER] Kelsey. We'll just let them review the day. I'll let you-- we'll leave it to you, dear viewers. --is inheritance. [GASPS] Uh-oh. Another great uncle. This is the flip side of the other one. A rich relative that you didn't even know you had has left you their castle and all the belongings in it.

Huh? A castle? Damn. But it's haunted, and you need to stay in it. [LAUGHTER] I just imagine-- I just imagine in this riot, this hellscape, there's like this one skinny little courier. Tell her, man. Is there a clip show? Please, is there a clip show? [LAUGHTER] I need a signature. I need a signature, please. You-- was that an Amanda show reference? That's what it sounded like. That's so weird. No, but I'm excited that I did enough of a voice that it sounded like a voice. You did good. I'll take it. So-- Amanda, please. Now you got to-- you got to live, because you have a castle.

Where is the castle? I was going to say, it really matters where it's located and coming to Theriapt. It's a castle. OK, fine. You know what? Let's roll for this. Luck's been nothing but kind to you tonight. Come on. Let's-- How do you get out of Brightport after this? Yeah. Let's say-- let's say it's on a lark for giggles, right? Uh, give me a d20, just a raw d20. This will be the first roll of the night. I'm feeling good about it. Like if it's literally just Brok's tomb. Yeah, that would be-- I mean, that is exclusive. Maybe that's not the most convenient castle to have.

A 12. OK. Why did you say that like it's a bad thing? You have no idea. 12. 12. It's probably Cancer Island. Like, it's just-- like, you don't-- [LAUGHTER] I feel like if you have a place to name that, it's already not a good-- Oh, Ballbuster Island again. [LAUGHTER] Drake Island. Wait, that's real. The status pirates around there. [LAUGHTER] Holy shit. OK, so get ready for this. In the hills above Brightport-- Really? I am not shitting you. Yeah, it's OK. Technically, this is just outside. You are Brightport adjacent. Like, you're not in the city, but you're really close to the city.

Yeah, yeah, but it's not like, OK, that's a place we're never going to visit or anything because we are the group that is supposed to stay in Brightport. Worst case scenario, you could have sold it. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was thinking. But OK, this might be too hopeful. I also-- OK, right now, I wouldn't tell everybody you own a castle, but witness is all over it. Just so we know yet. No. Hi, we're just so free, man. Unless you're on-- Like, someone pops out of the riot and comes to hand me a letter or something. I think once there's a mail delivery again, give it a few days.

Let's get some infrastructure back. But it's like, oh, man, I hate to pile on with more bad news, but your great uncle Desmond dead. I will say this, I am confident because at the very least, first of all, Vela did live through their near death thing. Second of all, you have the highest amount of hit points of anyone in our group. That's what I said, yeah. You've got a chance. Again, it's still weird to be because I am the bard and we have a paladin and a cleric in the group. But that's another thing in your favor is we also have a paladin and a cleric in the group.

I can't heal for anything. I'm just rocks. But like-- I'm just rocks. Gwen is the thing of our fantastic work. OK, hold on. I got to read the Puzzle Dragons thing. It's like, no, it's like the Skyrim messenger. All the riot stops. It's like, oh, it's just the air behind you. I love it. Just focuses in. OK, so if I-- well, we can talk about details about that castle later because I'm very curious. Do you know what's really cool? In the nine years we've been playing, no team has purchased like a lair. They've never had like a stronghold. Stronghold, it's not a lair.

OK, OK, I'm sorry. And Judzia's house. That's not a stronghold though. Bases. Yeah, it's just a castle. Yeah, right. So Kelsey, if the worst were to transpire-- It goes to Calypso. I think. Maybe one of Calypso's younger siblings steps up to the plate to take back. It would be an older sibling, but yes. There is a sibling. OK. There are a few, yeah. Then technically, you shouldn't get the inheritance. But whatever, maybe you are the favorite. Yeah. From the guy you've never heard of. I do actually have a way that this can work in my back story. We'll workshop it later.

I am not going to sit here and plan the worst out with you. If the worst happens, we'll deal with that. But I want positive thinking. Positivity. Right. OK. OK, just overlining. Guys, I don't know if you know this or not, but there's a riot going on in Brightport. Oh, right. What? Really? Since when? So when we last left off with you guys, it feels like three months ago. But when we last left off, there was a swell of people. You're kind of-- you tried to set up this defensive choke point type of thing. And they were so desperate to get past you that they're climbing over each other to get to rooftops and try to leave off the other side.

People are snapping their own ankles trying to get around. A couple of people got fried. I'm not going to lie. From a PR perspective, not amazing. But you have-- We're working on it. You have to expect some kind of pushback when you are literally trying to burn stuff. Like, there's fires being set behind these people. There's quite a lot of destruction coming from their neighborhood going in. And you've got to imagine, some people are going to be very upset about that. Well, obviously, the people who live there. They're going to want to-- it's like, well, if my stuff is getting burned, their stuff is getting burned type of attitude.

So to kick everything off, I think it's time for us to step back, get everybody here to roll a perception check, and just really take in to see how much of this are you grasping. Because this is a lot. Like, there's a lot. Every direction you look in, it's chaos. That's a lot of 13s. Lucky number 13. Wow. Shit. Calypso sees all. Calypso sees their oncoming turmoil. Oh, I don't think this is working out well for me. Do you see that hooded figure with the scythe gun? I almost fell. My headcanon for tonight is you're just going to roll amazingly. Nothing below an 18 for the rest of the night.

Wow. OK. So let's start with everybody else, and then we'll kick this up a couple of notches. So most of this is going to be the devastation. Like, you're seeing smoke. Like, you see this looming mob. Like, they're trying to batter down the people holding shields, and they're still trying to fight through. Are you OK, Bree? Yeah, I'm putting myself there. That's all. Oh, OK. It looks like you're going to be ill. I'm not normally on camera. Oh, OK. So no. So they're trying to pound down this wall of shields. There's fires coming from behind them. They are raging out of control.

And it seems like these people have a never-ending hunger. Like, we've got to get past you. It is life or death. There are people falling off of rooftops to get to the other side. And once they're around, there's a few stragglers that are just running down the street. There's not much you can do about that. It's just drips and drabs right now. Maybe 10, 15 people, something like that. There are people dead. As a matter of fact, I need to have someone roll. Let's not leave that one to Kelsey. Zach, I think it's only fair. OK, honest-- That's worth it. I mean, this is-- This is all Bo's fault, so she's in the room.

Not personally. I'm like, what do you call the newspaper? Get her damn soapbox. Just confiscate it. I like-- I dare you say that about my sister. I like Jamie just staring off into the middle distance, not-- no selling entirely. So OK, on a scale of 1 to 10, how bad are these casualties? This is both sides. Oh, both sides, huh? I was resulting a joke. OK, let's do it. Ooh. Fudge. Nice. Oh, grisly. That was not good. That is not good. So I would say 3/4 of this shield wall is falling. We got a real-- man, this is bad. So at a certain point, people are going to be able to reach over the top and just club, like just bludgeon.

And they're people grabbing the shields and pulling down so someone else can-- it's just a wall of humanity. Too much. They're going to start to step beyond those people. This line is caving right now. On the other side, you have a bunch of people who either have fallen off of roofs and just fell poorly, met their end. There were a couple of people who got electrocuted. That one was on you. But most of these people are getting trampled by them. It's like those stories of Christmas shopping going out of control. But worse, but not much worse. It was like the launch of the PS2.

That's where we're at. So-- What does that bring the numbers of the mob at? Because I know we ended the last session at like 2,500. But if people are dying on both sides, I mean, what are the stats for our numbers versus their numbers, I guess? Is it-- is 8 out of 10 80% dead or 80% of people who put themselves in-- I don't think you can kill 80% of people. No, no, no, no. Quiet. What I'm saying is 80% of the mob has met their end one way or another, clumsily falling off roofs. Or it's just been like-- They're not lemmings. I think it's more like the degree of brutality that's going on right now.

Yeah, that's more-- OK. Like maybe a building collapsed on a bunch of people or something, you know? Like that thing. Like something went really bad. Yeah. This is what I'm trying to paint here. About eight people died. No. Of the amount of people that could have died in this situation. This is like 80% of that. So if you stand back, it's like, boy, this is a real disaster waiting to happen. The disaster has happened. Like people are getting trampled to death by their own side. Like it is a fervor at this point. Like this is the day things change. That's the vibe you're getting right now.

This is it. And you've got to imagine once they've come this far, it's like, well, we've passed that point of no return. Like this is it. Like we got it. Either change gets enacted today or it's never going to happen. We have to accept that. So you're saying they're doubling down as a mob. Yeah. So obviously this is going to reduce numbers, but you guys are going to run out of members before them. This wall is caving. You're getting to the point where there's really not much protecting you. So you have a choice to make right now. Either you continue trying to hold this line and hope that backup arrives or you back off and maybe hope to root them out down the way or I don't want to put this out there, just let them have it.

I don't know what we can do by staying here. Yeah, this has lost cause written all over it now. I'm starting to think falling back might help, but like, we would have to get the word to the whole line because we don't want to leave anybody behind. I-- is there anything that Gwen would know about, maybe from her mom's shop, I'm just throwing it out there, like stink bombs or like-- I don't want to say that, but like non-lethal methods of spreading a large amount of something across a swath of area to disperse a crowd, non-lethal, that's all Gwen would think about.

So if there's a lethal method, she wouldn't consider it. Well, obviously there's tons of lethal methods. Exactly, yeah. Right, right, right. There's no shortage. She's a lethal method. She can do it. I mean, fire, always a crowd pleaser. That's the-- We already have that. Plenty of that. Plenty of fire. So obviously, yes, there's stuff like that. This is obviously a town with plenty of apothecaries. How your mom runs a shop that might-- That's what I was thinking. She might know from that information. So you know what? Let's not deus ex machina this. Do me a favor and give me a wisdom check, just a raw wisdom check, like a streetwise type of thing.

And if it's 13 or higher-- Woo, there's a space. Huh? Base wisdom. It's 10. Okay, so not quite an epiphany yet. Oh, so there is one thing I can help you guys with. Do you remember that big fat girthy 26 that Kelsey rolled back in the day? No, actually, is it good or was it bad? Was it the one I just rolled? The perception. Yeah, okay. Oh, okay, right. I thought you meant last session. And I was like-- No, no, no, no, no. Sorry. I never do. Do you remember that one? You remember? So... Calypso is going to spot a couple of things that might be able to help a bit. Obviously, and this gets dicey, there's going to be people who want to defend their property.

So maybe, you know, obviously people... Oh, man, this is so dicey. People joining you to kind of push back, but then you've got vigilantes, basically, and you can't vouch for every single one of them, and if one of them turns violent, then you've just got a huge mess. There's also a bunch of different carts and stuff that Calypso is going to spot further down the street where you might be able to set up some sort of choke, like almost a natural choke point where you could pile things up so that it would slow them down enough that you might get another chance to do this.

That sounds like something that's more of a plan than we had before. Let's go for it. So how would you relay that to everyone? Yeah, they're gonna, like, gosh, I don't know who else is in the back line, but they're gonna tap on a few shoulders near them and just like gesture at the carts and start explaining. I think Giolla was next to you. I was muted so I could say that. Giolla was next to you and I think me, Paxton and Bo were front line. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so Calypso is going to tap Giolla's shoulder and gesture back towards the carts. What do you think about setting up a more natural choke point back there?

We need to leave this spot, but that at least might provide something. If we're leaving right here, we need to get all the soldiers that we were just made responsible for to leave as well. They just stood here and got mowed down. So Giolla just kind of starts like, all right, fall back. He was made responsible for a bunch of people and now he feels really bad that they're getting pummeled. So he basically tells them to yield. Fall back, we're gonna find a new position and just double time it. Yeah, while Calypso is moving back towards the carts, they're gonna use a message, I think with Bo specifically, which basically just lets them talk.

Then Bo can hear them. I don't know if it's actually telepathy or not, but it's kind of like that and basically just explain we're falling back to the carts to set up a choke point thing because Bo's on the front line and from Calypso's point of view, seems like the best person to relay things like that calmly. When Giolla tells everybody, he starts telling all the soldiers to fall back and yield, he stops for a minute and kind of gets an epiphany and looks over Calypso and says, can you take charge of these gentlemen here while I go do something?

I've got an idea. Say yes. Okay. Okay. Hey, this one's in charge. I'll be back. And he just zips. That's calmly relayed and everyone understands. Yeah, Calypso is thinking of Yolo's last idea, which was the big glowing sword thing. So the seat of government in this city is like the three houses, right? For the most part, yeah. Okay. Are they all that I can't remember the map. Let me get the map back up. They are scattered. They are scattered. Which one is closest? Dragon's Keep is the one that we're like defending, kind of. Yeah, that's the closest one. You're looking for number one.

It's directly north of you. Okay, I'm going to run that way. Okay. I'm going to go petition the rulership. Okay. Fair enough. Okay. So, oh boy, a couple of things have to be done now. So this is obviously spiraling out of control when people are starting to fall back. We got a real Helms Deep situation going on. So we discussed the rioters side of losing things, but because that frontline was so decimated. Bree, I need you to do me a favor and give me a flat D20, please. Am I looking for high or low? High would be great. Okay. Well, I threw it too hard. It might not land in the box.

I don't see it. Damn it. It was 18, but that's fine. It's fine. Shouldn't have thrown it so hard. Oh, it was teetering on the 19. Nine's not the worst. Nine's not the worst. Slightly below average. So in this swell, this crowd just heaving and hoeing, they break through. Steven Wark is going to get trampled, just trampled under underneath this crowd. And he's going to disappear. Like you're not going to be able to see, like just boom. The people in the back are going to start to throw things. And at first it is rocks and bits of broken building and stuff. And gradually it's going to get a little more...

Destructive, let's say. So. A small... Recap. Go ahead. The mayor got trampled, right? Yes. Okay. I'm just making sure. Okay. Yes. No, we definitely got trampled. So. Something is going to get lobbed from this ground. And it is going to land fairly close to your back line as you retreat. And it's going to strike a building, a decently tall one. And explode. And this building is going to start to teeter. And then topple over toward your line. Kels. Yep. I'm going to give you a choice. This. This building may hit you as it stands now. But it looks like it's definitely going to hit Paxton.

I'm going to give you a choice to try to fully get out of the way with a nice acrobatics check. Or try and shove Paxton out of the way with enough force to save you both and not get you crushed. One's athletics, one's acrobatics. Question. Can I use a spell? I'd say you'd have, well, one of it depends on the spell, obviously. It says instantaneous. Okay, then yes. What you got? I think, yeah, my one fourth level spell of the day. I'm going to use Dimension Door. Gonna grab Paxton by the arm. And basically there's just going to be like, just like a blink. And then instead of where they were going to be back behind those carts that they had spotted.

How many feet away is that? It says range 500 feet. Oh, shit. You're fine. Okay. So it's going to be a little disorienting. It's like playing a bad VR game where you're really, you know, Paxton probably has just enough time to go, Oh, no. And this building is, yeah. And boom, you're all of a sudden looking at that building from a different perspective, topple from behind it. And by the way, before you tug on Paxton, before you go, he's so distracted because he says, Dear God, I think that was Warren. Then we just get pulled back. After that happens, they just release Paxton and just like, that took a lot out of them.

Calypso, thank you so much. I think the mayor got trampled. I was thinking of saying something about that. If Bow relays that we're falling back, which I think she has at this point because everyone's falling back. Yeah. As soon as Calypso had done the mind meld with her, she would have started yelling like, fall back, fall back to all the frontline, because I don't know if they had heard the message from the back. So Gwen can't really go very fast in her defense mode. So I think she would switch to attack mode. And in that mode, she's her normal size, which is a halfling.

So like halfling size. She's got horns, but she's halfling size. And I think she would try to go after Steven at first, at least to see if she could grab him in the same way that I get through crowds at Dragon Con and then have to wait for you because I forget that you can't do that. That's what Gwen's going to try to do. Well, that's ill-advised. I think she would try to dive in. If she can't, she can't. But she'd try. And here's the thing. Normally I'd ask for a check. I think this is just too much. Like, there's just too many people behind this. This is like trying to face off against a professional linebacker.

It's like, okay, let's run into each other. You're going to lose. This is not good. So this is... I find it akin to a rushing flow of river water. You can't go back upstream. It's just people. So when she realizes that she would turn around and there are tears running down her face, but she's going to turn around and run back because she knows that she's one of the only people who can help hold this line, transfer back into defensive mode by the carts when she gets there. So here's what we're going to do. I'm going to ask for a few roles. First, you guys are setting up this defense, basically.

They are not far behind you. They move slower as a crowd, but this is like already a few people are racing down the street. Like they're beyond you, but it's only like 10 or 15 people, something like that. The rest of this calamity is like a dark cloud moving towards you. It's omnipresent and ominous, and it's just coming. I need each one of you to do me a favor. Give me an athletics check. What we're going to do is we're going to add all that up and the higher the number, the more prepared you're going to be. I guess not including Giolo since I got another thing for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit. Oh my God. That's two above. That's three twenties plus and looks so doing really well considering you're a bard. Listen, being a bard means that the fact that like Jack of all trades means I have half proficiency is the only reason I don't have a negative athletics. That'll work. So let me tell you, I was hoping for 30. This is awesome. So what we're going to do is you're going to have separate by the time you guys like it's you and the rest of these guards, right? You're working with less than half the force that you started with.

Everyone is just I imagine I don't know who it is to bark out these orders, but it's like let's go get these in the so it is people just barreling their shoulder into these carts, moving them in the way. What you have is several layers of cart. Anybody who's coming down this way has to get through these carts. The only other option is to go through much tighter passageways and kind of break up the swarm and that kind of benefits you too because it slows them down for them to get past this. It's going to be a lot. Now that doesn't mean that you're out of the woods, but it does buy you quite a bit of time now.

I'm going to come back to you guys because I need another group role and this is more luck than ever. Hopefully that sticks with you guys. Rob, yes, I need you to give me three athletics checks in rapid succession. And we're going to add those up and see how fast you're going to run for the next 10 minutes. Okay, low and better. Yeah, it's getting up there. Come on. And low. Okay, not a runner that you've already got a lot of guys walking in gym class. I feel like Gila's like, hold it, holding, holding a cramp on his side. Shouldn't have the milkshake. Oh, I got a stitch.

So it's going to take you a bit, probably longer than the rest of the crew would like for you. Too much dairy. Okay. We're going to check in with you in just a moment. Rest of the crew, here's what I need from you. There are other guards in this city. Obviously, everybody spread out the people in your sector. You obviously grouped together and did what they could, but that doesn't mean there aren't more people coming. The question is, how quick are they coming? I need each one of you to roll a flat each one. And what we're hoping for is at least 30. If we get 30, then they're going to arrive pretty damn soon.

Anything lower than that? Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, hey. Thanks, Paxton. Yeah, we needed it. Holy shit. Thank you. Okay. Well, my theory. Uh, no, I don't think we cut the mustard there. Well, okay, you didn't get 30, but that doesn't mean they're not still on their way. It was more of a, so they're not there yet. And you guys are going to have to fend for yourselves. I just imagine, like, the city, this group of city guards are just running to the action. 30. 18 plus nine is then four and one. Oh my. Yeah. I rolled nine. I helped. Oh, I completely negated Gwen's roll. I'm so sorry.

I didn't see it for some reason. It's been a long day. I'm sorry. I just, you know what? You wouldn't let me save Steven. And now this. Okay. That's physics. That's not my fault. That's what? That X. It's a greater force than whatever. It doesn't matter. Okay. So that's our boss. That's what we're going to do now. He saved my life. Paxton from air. Oh no. Oh no. Is that the next arc? Guys. All right, everybody. Hand out flyers. Everybody in the chat. Uh, maybe you'd be kind enough to put up a vote. Three. Should Paxton run from there? All right. Well, that's a it's not being sensitive.

It's too soon. You know, the guy is, you know, he's not even his body has even found yet. He's he's my he might not even be dead. Maybe they stepped over his body like, Oh, Hey, it's the mayor. Let's not step on him anymore. I didn't say when I just said, Oh, Hey, Hey. I feel like this turns into like the office D and D. If that happens, maybe it'll be like a fun parks and rec type of adventure instead of this. What do you mean the receptionist is a former prostitute? Hey, how's it going? Hey. What committee is he running? Uh, you don't want me to tell you.

It's important for Brightport, but like, you know. I want to make this envelope. Oh yeah, deals coming soon. Deals coming soon. We got to do it. OK, so we got a 32. So coming down the street behind you as you guys are setting up the last of these cards, 100 more guards are going to join you and start to kind of fortify things. Now, not only are there well-armored guards, but by this point they have had a chance to sort of arm themselves a bit. Now, they are going to take orders, but there is a natural response for archers to fire at these people trying to get over the cards.

At this point, there are non-lethal weapons, but there's no guarantee that that's going to slow them down. So you have a choice to make. Do you send a message to the first wave trying to get through these cards, or do you try the non-lethal method first? Calypso's in charge, I believe. Not to put too much of premium on this, but like, with my sincerest apologies for putting me in this position. Giolo had an idea, and he just had to. Look, I'll tell you this. As far as Calypso's concerned, Giolo just ran away. Like, if they don't know for- He did come back before.

So he does have a track record of at least returning. He's like, "I got an idea, desertion." And Giolo started booking it. I'm like, "Okay." As he's running away, he's like, "This reminds me of another life." [Laughter] So I will tell you, Kels. You survived the near-death thing. That was it? The building? Yeah, that was it. It was a whole building. It was gonna crush you. I feel like that was my near-death thing. Well, it was a choice. I wanted to see what Kelsey would do. Kelsey's a good person. Giolo wasn't allowed to use her reaction, but Kelsey is there.

Why am I arguing against Kelsey? I love Kelsey. Well, I appreciate it, but I feel bad. Here's the other thing. Lisa's was much more straight up where there was a greater chance of someone helping her after the fact. Whereas there ain't no helping somebody crushed by a building. That's true. True. You're not gonna put a band in them. Yeah, oh. It's more forced than crowd of people. True. So Kelsey, you got a decision to make? Non-lethal is what I would say. All right. So what they have at their disposal are these small clay pots. And in these small clay pots are herbs that have been partially ground up.

And then there's kind of a fuse coming out of it. And when lit, this is going to emit this... It's like someone set Hot Ones BBQ Sauce on fire near somebody. Like it stings like every orifice. It's kind of like mace, but it's more... It's kind of a natural type of thing. So they have a slew of these. Probably around 10, 12, something like that. And on your mark, they're just gonna start hocking. Yeah. I feel like we could put them in strategic positions, though. That's not a very good mark. I should have realized that. Yeah, sure. Whatever. I mean, honestly, the way Luca was thinking, he's like, "Okay, well, these people, since they actually have equipment, and seem to know what they're doing, they're kind of letting them take more of a lead." They'll hear to make decisions, but they're not gonna over talk anyone that actually...

Because we got traded and stuff. I don't think we got traded in riot control. I'd like to think that's a more advanced class. Yeah. Mostly. We were not supposed to be handling this. They're happy to let anyone that has any more training or any idea take lead on, "Okay, well, they'll say we should try it on lethal first, and then whoever knows what to do with that, have at it, please." Not for nothing, but 72% of our audience thinks that Paxton should win from there. 72. That's a large margin. See how your news article comes out for Monty. Oh, yeah. I'm just saying, if you poll like that throughout the campaign, that is a pretty good approval rating.

I'm just saying, I'm getting a Rita Skeller vibe from her, so I'm not... No? Okay. Skeeter. I have no idea. Skeeter! Like from Doug? Because I don't know... Yeah. Yes, exactly. Wow. Basically. I've never felt so dismissed. ...to get as much of your money as the person I'm talking about. Anyway, bye. Okay. They are going to just start whipping these into the crowd now. So some of them are landing pretty far behind them. Some of them are right near the carts like this. There's a pretty good... Someone wants to talk to one of the guards and ask them if they could set one of the clay pots down.

You said they were like... They were like exit. They were kind of these corners, these sharp exit ways. I want to put a clay pot down there and just let it simmer. So if people want to try to get through the cart and they can, they want to use all these other tight alleyways, they can't. They have to go back home. You know, they have to turn around. They can't use other ways that we were basically blocking them off. That's what I'm thinking about. That's why I kind of like... Paxton kind of like asked one of the guards what they think about this. I mean...

Okay, here's the thing. There's something called plausible deniability where these guys are trained. Like they're ready to do it. But it needs to be in order. It needs to be like, hey, do this because you guys are the hot new thing, right? And I mean, no one wants it to be their call. Like when it could be like this is more less than lethal type stuff. It is uncomfortable. It's going to make them vomit and burn their eyes and all that shit. But like, at least it's not arrows. So they're probably right. People are dying already. Yes, exactly. That's it. So this is okay.

We're talking blame. I got plenty of that. So if you get, hey, I got plenty. So, um, yeah, your 2021 has not been great so far in terms of role play. You know, hey, you take your wins with your L's, you know. So what we're going to do is these are so those so a couple of these are going to be in alleyways near you in case they try to wrap around something like that. There's nowhere to go through here. Like they have to like, here's what we're going to do. And I think everything's going to kind of come down to this. I'm going to have you all roll for the effectiveness on the crowd.

Now, obviously you have the edge, so I'm going to lower this check way down. This is your chance to break this crowd's will and send them home. That does not fix everything, but it stops this fire right now. However, if you fail to break them here, it's going to galvanize them and they're going to be nigh unstoppable in terms of desire. They're going to see you as oppressors. That it's like you are protecting. You know, you're protecting the people who have so much and it's, it's, it's. So first let's catch up with Rob. I need three more. You don't have to roll really high this time.

Like it's just get there eventually. Right. Unless you really biff it. Like that's not bad. I would love a little pep in your step. Like, come on. I would provide much goodness if this d20 would just obey. Oh my God. Just hope that a little. Just by the time you look at his back, we're either going to have already taken care of or we're all being dead. I just imagine he just takes a breather just hands on knees. You just need a second. Maybe after this, Joe was like, I think I better pick up running or something. There's lots of like overwrought panting. Like he would have like done some more cardio stuff.

Like in his profession, it seems like that would be useful. Yeah. Like you get there. Mostly also core strength is really important, not legs. That's just true. Skip leg day. Eventually, Joe is going to get to his destination. First through the door. And then it's 10 minutes of waiting for him to catch his breath before he can speak. It's either that or like you just got distracted. It's like, oh, the level place is still open. I didn't know there was a. Oh, I don't get to this part of the city very often. I mean, they can wait a minute. Reaches his satchel, this red inhaler out of nowhere.

Yeah. You got like a bag or something. I can just do the thing and then I like to think you're an asthmatic. That was terrible. Fuck that bag. It does not work. I didn't know you had asthma. Severe asthma. Oh, shit. Do you still have it? Absolutely. I don't think it goes away. I didn't know if it was one of those things where like when you're like, I always heard that when you were a kid, it's worse. And then when your lungs develop a little more, you still have it, but it's not as bad. It's not as bad, but like I'm a little different. Like I have like little boy lungs.

So like my asthma was like, I think I'm a bitch. It's like going with me or something. Like, oh, I'm pussy. It's like a dumbbell. So like it's very I wheeze all the time. I have like three inhalers in my house, but it's not as bad as it used to be. Definitely. Because I used to have like the old school machines that used to were in, you know, you sit there for 30 minutes and just like just your lungs are like the inflatable tube man for a second just to get all the air back. Oh, I had pneumonia too as a child. I barely made it, dude. But I'm here for Theriathon.

I feel like that's a way more interesting story than. Now I feel bad for giving you all that shit for starting all this riot business. I'll take my deal. Okay. You're going to make it to the front door. What house do I keep? Okay. I'm assuming it's not even a knock. It's just pounding. Uh, yeah. You know, Joe actually like tries the knob first to see if he can just like. Wow. Just just. It's urgent. Okay, so it's not locked, though it probably should be. Um, it's not. We roll to see if he just runs in on our on Grattic and Tessia. Just like going at it like just like just.

Entryway. Yes. Oh, man, that's that's what it makes it more dangerous and exciting. That's the it's like, oh, I have a meeting in ten. Like it's just it's it's so dirty about being a taller woman with a known lover is like he could just go under your skirt. Like I don't know if this is racist, but I imagine when he's like really at it, he's like a rabbit Chihuahua, you know, he just just after, you know, Jason, could we get it? Never mind. I don't go in. You know what? I'm just going to take off running for the next time. What's the next closest house? You're going to you're going to walk in.

It's like, no, I see why they want to burn this down. I get it. Y'all are gross anyway. Understand, she was the perfect person to barge through this door. I like sort of single like no punctuation. What the fuck? Breathe like just just it just occurred to me. It's I don't know. Oh, well, I should have a filter and I don't anymore because of nine years of judges and randomness. I never had a normal job. I just oh, no, we're in it to win it. We do this or die like that's it. Please subscribe to our Patreon. Um, you are going to walk kind of like just boom, just Kramer your way into this house.

And it's going to be just going to be a no. And he's going to kind of look at you. The hell are you doing? There is a riot. He is going to walk over to the window. Look out. Where? It looks peaceful out in their lawn like it looks fine. OK, so first of all, hello, I am Giolo Fain. I'm with the whole Firebrand thing that's going on. New thing, very elite. Anyway, so there there's a riot. It's about yay south of here. And there's a problem because these people are like real, real mad. Right. And not like not like mad where it's like, well, we just stand in the way with shields and then they just like stop being mad.

Like like mad like they're going to come here and like burn your place down. And I don't know that what we have can stop them. So if you as an authoritative person in charge here could, you know. What's the word I'm looking for? Someone needs to make an appearance to make these people feel like like heard, you know, or they are going to they're going to take it out. They've already taken it out on like a lot of the property south of here. And it's just going to it's just going to keep going. Right. That's that's bad for everybody. All right. Firstly, product, the one.

It's good. You, Jane. Gio, the wonderful house you have here, by the way. It's really just nice. Thanks. Thank you for having me. Thanks for having me as though I wasn't invited. So you actually does say like he like he like tries to like flip the script to like make it as though he was welcomed. Right. I'm glad you could see me on such short notice. Yeah. It's it's awful nice of you to let me write in like this. I appreciate you understanding the urgency of the situation. So let me let me repeat this so that I understand there's a riot and they're very angry.

And you'd like me to go out to them and die. No, no. Like, I mean, you could like be on top of the building or something. You just need to like they just need to know that they're heard. Right. Because like I mean, the alternative is them just like burning their way to your front door. Right. And then that's not good. You like you said, you just decorated, ma'am. OK, OK. Firstly, what are they mad about? Why does it involve us? You know, it's it's the whole you know, the the the upper the upper crust keeping us down thing. It's classic riot material. Fuck them, I was born poor.

OK, but but it it doesn't matter if that makes sense. Right. And he's like like Jill is like like slapping the wall as he says it. Right. Like it's like that's you can make all the sense in the world. But right now they need to believe that a difference is going to occur or it's just going to keep going. Right. Like it doesn't matter how much sense you make right now. I think there's going to be that initial completely dismissive. It's like, no. But if they are on their way, it's not like this can be stopped. So all right. All right. Just let me think. Um, oh, God, we used to have a dragon.

This would be so much easier. OK. I feel like it gives you a little bit of a reputation around here for use that. So it's probably better if you don't. It's I mean, like it would get out among other leaders of places that you went to that measure. So just I mean, I get it, but guard dogs just take the same after that. You can't just go back like it's not. I see your point. Actually, that's OK. Don't get me wrong. I'm jealous of your former dragon. That's pretty rad, actually. All right. I will go out after I speak with the person who runs everything and I will do my best.

Now, I'm not promising anything and I will be protected when I go out, won't I? You got it. Yeah, I mean, I'll help. And I imagine you've got other people who help, I'll help them and we'll help you. You got it. So I was going to tell them inspirational story about I was poor and I kind of pulled myself up, you know, bootstraps. I did it on my own by marrying somebody who has power. But I don't think that's going to be as inspirational as I would like it to be. So how's about they're married. He has to live. They're so cute. Oh, my God. I'm so happy for that.

I just love I'm going to go get the person that's in charge and runs everything around here. My wife. He's proud of it. He's like, yeah, I married him the money and power. And yeah, there's no gender thing and there's no like, oh, I could be masculine. No, this is fucking awesome. Look where I live. I have a yard. This is like I married up like. Okay. All right. I'm sorry. I had I had held my tongue a lot during this conversation. I needed to butt in there. Please continue. Okay. What if. Yeah, like you said, that might not do the trick. So what if I brief aside here, right?

Prior to joining this firebrand thing, I had a career as a bit of a people pleaser. I kind of know what the stuff is. You know, I know how to do this, I think. But I don't have the authority like you or the boss lady. You know what I'm saying? Have. So if you would like get up there, like what's the what's the pet issue that has plagued these people for like the longest time, but it's just like never it's never been top priority. You haven't been able to fix it yet, right? What's the thing you can say? It's like, hey, we're gonna do that one thing right now because we can see that you're very passionate about about change burning shit down.

Yeah, no, we see. Right. Hey, man, I just want stuff to stop burning, right? Like like just unjust. That's not that's not even on on my list here. I just want the city still standing when we go to bed tonight. Right. Like hard to enjoy life without a city. Look, again, I used to live down there. I owned a brothel. I get it. So here's what we're going to do. Tessie. The key is trying to explain. Which one is there? Is there like a small chance that you worked for Gratic for a while? Oh, my God. This is like you guys meeting each other again. You're slowly realizing, like, oh, yeah, that sounds like a role to me.

Hey, man, when this all settles down, we should talk brothel talk sometime because I have a business venture that like I'm just looking for some fun. My idea selling sex. I love it. What do you think? Million dollar idea. It's new. It's probably the newest profession. If Gratic literally says, listen, now I have a business venture. Gio is like, I have hips that don't quit. What do you want to do? Just don't ask me to run and we'll be great. All right. What's the what's the thing? We will totally talk brothels later. But what's what's the thing, man? Like, what's the what's the thing that they've been waiting for that you can say today's the day this is the change, man.

And so go home and, you know, but like more eloquent than that. Look, they live in shit like that. That whole law, we're part of the city needs complete refurbishment. They're all stacked up on top of each other. I used to live there. I wasn't hiding for a while. And you could be under some rubble and no one will even know. So look, Tessie wanted to do this anyway. We'll run it past the mayor and we'll try to invest. How about this? I tell them that we're going to invest a significant portion of any profits into bettering the city, infrastructure, all that good stuff, better homes.

Especially down by the docks. We have stuff down by the docks and I don't want that stuff burned. OK, yeah, OK, that's a start. But like, you can't just you can't just generalize. They need to be able to picture it right, like sink their teeth into it, like name, name a building, name a place that you're going to like. What's what's the one place that's going to like be the beacon of this change? Be the, you know, the front page, the thing that the thing that you're going to think about when they say like change is really happening and they can point to that building or point to that business or like institution or whatever.

What's the thing? What's the thing, Grattic? Mr. Sir Grattic? Can't we just be on first name basis? I feel like we have so much in common. Giolo Grattic, Grattic, Giolo. And this relationship is moving quick. Lightspeed, man. Menage a drop when you quit quick. Don't bring Tessie. Watch Giolo end up banging my other character's mother. That's the weird stuff that I know. It's not, though. It's not it weirdly is. It's not weird. Listen to how I met your mother. I'd listen to that, like I don't know your mother. All right, guys, is it incest? I'm starting a poll. Oh, the only weird if you make it weird.

No, no, I don't think so. Is it incesty? Is it? So he's going to kind of he's going to kind of like like kind of bold. And it's like, oh, my God, you're so mean. This would be so much better if I were just mayor. Um, look. How about this? Tessie had an idea a while back and it got shut down. I want to pitch it again directly to Pete. She had an idea for this this resource. It'd be this huge building takes care of kids that need taken care of while people go working all day and it trains people for new positions. It's kind of all in one stop shop and it'll be right in the middle of that shitty piece of town.

I think they go for that. So like. Like so like community babysitting kind of thing. Not just that. No, no, no. It's like it kind of gives people a leg up. Right. People who are down are already down. And it's really easy to just get the shit kicked out of you. So this is like giving them a fighting chance. Jello kind of like as he's like reading gratitude, his first kind of like assessment of gratitude is like, oh, I know you're kind right. Like not like gnomes, but like rough and tumble. Please. You know, he's been through some stuff and he's kind of he's shrewd and he's plotting and that kind of stuff.

But it's like, like, no, okay, you've got some feelings for the people in this life that you came out of. And like, you have a vision, right? His wife has helped. Honestly, it's it's weird that like. The more I explored that relationship, it's like, wait, they're kind of a weird dynamic power couple because, like, he's really good at getting things he wants and he wants to make her happy. So he'll help pitch her ideas in a way that get greenlit. And like, it's weird. Like it's it's like, wow, that kind of works like a Opposites Attract kind of thing. He is a sleazeball, though, sometimes less of a sleazeball now.

So, yeah. So, so, Giolo, like he's like nodding and like. Grattic, I think that's the thing. I think let's go. Let's go, like, get their attention. And obviously from like a place of safety. Can you can you do like improv the whole like the whole starter part where it's where you need to talk about their, you know, their message and like, you know, hearing it, you know, obviously you've got like the destination, right? Like you've got the point, got the thing that you need to say at the end, but you need to also like say the things that calm them down before that.

Or I or I could try to help with that. But I mean, I don't know. You're getting my style right here. So if you like it, I can try. But if you hate it, I understand, too. All right. Firstly. What do you do again? You're part of like a neighborhood watch thing. You just watch people's carts at night. There's no it's it's a little more than that. It's kind of a park. You park them to like it's like a valet. No, it's OK. So there's this thing called a firebrand. It's like a project. It's a law enforcement project. I'm trying to like do more good in the world. Oh, you're doing great so far.

This is great. This is good stuff. Oh, thanks. Hey, this is real nice of you. I appreciate that. But so like I do that by day and then at night, I still have sex with people, so it works out pretty great. OK, how about we talk about it on the way there? And I'm going to do a lot of talking. I need you to do less talk. Just while we're moving, just while we're just just let me kind of get this together. When we're hustling like this, I spend so much extra energy just breathing that you will not have and you will have. I'll be all ears. I'm I'm right on it. Just eat all meat or something.

What do you get rough? And I just kind of stitch and just here. I'll just I'm going to power walk and you you just bounce the ideas off of me. I'm your I'm your I'm your idea bouncing wall guy. Whatever, man, there's got to be a word for that. I'm listening. Right. OK, well, I'm faster than you. I'm going to be very disappointed. I'm just letting you know I'm going to keep moving. So I have as you guys are walking out the door. I imagine that this is like so I guess you guys are heading back. All right. Are we ready? To see how effective this gas is and die happy knowing that they married.

That's all that matters now. Yeet head. When do the episodes go up? We release an episode every Sunday night. We're going to release these and polish them up. And we're just going to release them one after another. So if you didn't hear one of the episodes, you'll get a chance to hear it. And if you did hear it, you'll get a chance to hear it a little better because there will be sound effects, especially for this episode. You're taking this episode, right? I do everything but fire brand. Fine. OK, we're doing shit like this so that I don't have to fucking.

Hey, can I make a sound effect request? Hit me when the mayor got when the mayor got trampled. Can you do the Wilhelm scream? Maybe that's kind of funny. I'll tell you what. I'll put one in there somewhere. I don't know about pitch it down. I don't know about that exact moment. Seems to kind of take away from the Ravi toss, but somewhere in there. I'll throw one in for you. Right. It'd be really funny if you put it like right here. You had all four go up at once. No, that would kill us. Yeet head. It takes a while to edit this. Yeah. So this week we actually have a bonus episode going up that has nothing to do with their Ethan because we need to rest on Sunday.

Just one day off. That's what my God. That's like God chick fillet. We must take the chat is noting that we have not drawn any envelopes in this episode yet. I just want to put that out there. I mean, I think you're fine with it. If it doesn't work, we do it. I would, Jamie, if it doesn't work, we do it. Right. I'm doing one regardless. So yeah, we're doing it. I want to do it so bad in keeping with my philosophy. Things seem to have gone well with Craddick, so I'm not going to mess things up by drawing. Oh, wouldn't it be great if it all fell apart because of.

Oh, man. I'm closest gnome to you dies. Like a happy couple is torn apart in front of you. Gnome get zapped. No, they buddies with royalty. Like, I'm on my way up the ladder now. I'm royalty is like royalty is a bit up there. So that's the one with the castle, you guys. That is true. Holy shit. True. So here's what I'm going to need from everybody. Things have spiraled out of control to a point that this is a do or die. Now, because this gas is, I keep on to say gas. It's not it's like a kind of a mist mace type of thing. It's an irritant because you go ahead.

I was just going to say it's like evil incense. Yeah, Jamie's been tear gassed. So like, you know what it's like? Oh, because of army stuff. Yeah, they make you go through the gas chamber. We've never heard of that. Wait, wait, let's back up. No, why do I look like I was ever in the military? So they make you go through the gas chamber once with your mask on and then once with your mask off. That's fucked. Yeah, it really clears the sinuses, though. Is that before or after you vomit? Some people vomited, yeah. But mostly it was just like these long trains of mucus and snot.

And sometimes the drill sergeants would be really mean and they would make you like recite the Pledge of Allegiance or something when you're in there so that you have to really get it in. That's dystopia bullshit that you went through. Yeah, just a little. What is it? R slash boring dystopia. That belongs on there. That's pretty fucked. And that helped you in the rest of your life. Now, thank America for the privilege. It taught me a lot about broadcast journalism, which is what I did for the army. How's that journal coming, soldier? Get the water. It's fine.

Do you have any milk I can pour on my face? (laughter) Anyway, point is, you lived. Yeah, I'm glad. Here's what we're shooting for. 60. We're shooting for a total of 60. I want each of you to roll a d20 with advantage. And we're shooting for 60. This time I'm going to actually look at all of your rolls and add them up. It's going to be it's going to be a treat, I think. That is hard, though, so I get it. No, I'm just dumb. Don't do that to me. (laughter) All right, here we go. Oh, boy. (screaming) Yeah. Oh, boy. That's not good at all for me. I'm sorry, guys. It was me.

I was the weak link. I dropped a four to take a five. Ooh. Oh, man. Yeah, we're we're 45. We're 15 away. Yeah. Not not screwed. Give me the envelope. Do it. Do you want it? Yeah, I want it. Which one? What rare? Common, uncommon, rare or legend? Jamie, you got to do legendary because he might have to shave his beard. You don't have to do anything, Jamie. And I may remind you that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. I know Kelsey knows that. Kelsey has survived, so. What if the thing you draw hurts Kelsey? Yeah, I would never forgive myself. I would never forgive myself.

It is being requested in the chat that you go balls out, but that's completely. Could you please go balls out? Thank you. All right, let's do it. Legendary. Wait for it. The Simpson would say his name Barney. Yes. Yeah. Because it's weird. He's named after the dinosaur. That's what I did. Sorry. Never mind. I got four left. Oh, one of them is a different color. It is. Is that like a red herring, though? Is that like is that like bait to you to pick? That's literally we ran out of envelopes. Oh, no, no, no. These are these are no, these are part of the original ones.

That's just like I got like four or five different patterns, like their old, tiny, like. So they've been different colors all night. I could pull others out and show you, but four. But that's what's left. OK, of the legend. Don't worry, I got four bad ones, too. Oh, great. And I just have to pick an envelope once. All you gotta do. OK, I'm going to roll for it. OK. Number two. We're getting and you feel that we're getting down to the end of the evening. There's there's there's there's just so much left that could happen. We just killed the roll. That's that's kind of big, isn't it?

Well, that's just like just do it. Maybe it'll help. That was an extremely difficult. I just feel like there's one guy in the crowd that they got a forty five guys. Fuck them up. We're good to go. Three people, kind of madness that Linda has. Where is that guy? That's that my cousin. He's not even here is the worst part. Let's let's let's get this ready for the chat. Chats, it's great. Chats, good luck. Twenty three, twenty three is what I'm looking for. So, you know, vampirism, right? No, no. OK, never heard of it. Positive. You're about to know. No, no, no. So unlike lycanthropy, which is a curse, vampirism is more of a genetic mutation.

Tellers of mutation. A new mutation has emerged into the world. New mutation. OK, you have the option of taking it before it's known. OK. Like not vampirism. It's no different. It's new. It's new coke. Now, while it could be debated, vampirism has. Wow. Look at look at that chat burn. I love it. So should I start a poll? Do it. Do it. I wonder what the answer will be. We don't need to do the polls. I'm going to do the poll. Create a poll. So, Free loves polls. She's been doing them all night. Look, everybody loves it when the freak show choice is on somebody else's character.

Wouldn't you take it right for like you for your character? It's a boon. I'm just saying. Like I feel like it's gonna turn into like a wereduck or something. A wereduck? So I'll I'll I'll say this right off the bat. It's not anything to do with lycanthropy. It's not a were anything. But think along the lines of vampirism, where there's a bunch of benefits objectively. But there's some pretty major drawbacks that it definitely changes. Mutant sisters. We could be mutant sisters together. That's all kind of fucking weird. Think of our mother's reaction to this.

Think of the songs Calypso could sing from their castle. She's a sister freak. Sister freak. She's just a freaking I mean, that's what Calypso would say. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm in. Why not? Yeah, you're gonna go home to your poor mother as a wereduck. You're like, wow, she's gonna fucking pass out. Both kids. My my only real thing is I'm like, man, I hope this doesn't mess with her like faith. But but I think I could work that in no matter what were to happen. Or her face can be messed with anyway, because it's all different. Yeah, that's that's very true. It is all different now.

But I don't know that like we were talking about earlier. I don't know that we would know that yet. You know? No, I feel like that's something that it's kind of like maturity. Just kind of kind of happens over time. You know, it's like, you know. Yeah. Unless there's like a big bright white light that we all see at some point and that would be different. Oh, my gosh. Watch the mutation. Be like, you can instantly calm down riots. So you like radiated you radiate a vapor tranquilizer. Yeah. That'd be cool. Got an essence of chill. You just get everyone super high.

Like, yeah, it's just that's what's in those clay pots. A breeze is going to kick up near one of these alleys. And while most most of this deterrent is hitting the crowd, a big billowing plume is going to wash back up the alley and sort of engulfs both. Now, I say the special allegiance. I put an allegiance to bright port to all East steel. So for a few moments, I was going to be choking and coughing kind of like it's just like you can't see. And then all of a sudden, strangely, there's going to be this clarity and. Bo is going to emerge from this alleyway.

However. Skin has completely covered Bo's face so that she has no facial features, and she kind of has these like gills that are filtering things out while this is happening. So after she steps out of the she is a fucking creepy pasta walking like she's so she comes out like kind of like as her next class, who sees her first? That's good. Let's roll 123. Uh, I'm a fish person. I'm an opposite mermaid. Hold on, hold on, hold on. This is a boon. Uh, Calypso, Calypso. Hold on, hold on. Let me let me finish. Calypso is going to see Bo first. So Bo is going to kind of like emerge like it's like, wow, OK, hold on.

I can know that was close one, but it's like those net flaps are going to be undulating. I'm concerned about the no face part. Yes, that's so after she emerges from this this after she emerges and the gas is no longer a thing, those net flaps are going to kind of like come down and seal off. And then her face is going to peel back and everything is going to be normal again. Your genetic mutation is your body will try to adapt to any situation at the cost of you being fucking horrifying to people. Oh, that's absolutely worth it. That's that's yeah, that's super cool.

All right. As long as you're normally normal, as normally normal, that's not life. But I had to I had to let you think that's life for a couple of seconds. Yeah. I felt so fucking guilty. Is it that each time or is it like, oh, no, frickin tundra, I would turn into a polar bear. Oh, polar bear. You'd be lucky to get fluffy. No, no, no. I have a cavalcade of horrors for you, Jamie. I oh boy. Oh, it's going to be great. I can't wait to see the art. But another fucking chapter in the new book, isn't it? Yeah, this entire day has just been Jason adding more work for the it's just me back to our content.

That's all the table contents done by next Friday. You know that, right? Like, we're gonna have to get started. We have to have an entire new thing about the new garden. I really thought I was a fish person for a second. I'm looking forward to the wonderful game. We're going to play every session. Now, what kind of tumor is bow today? I need you to pick one, two, three, four. Oh, that's right. There's still bad news coming. Yeah, baby. Get him back. Get that beard. He has to be like a child comes behind packs and just kicks him in the sack or something. That definitely happened already in the riot.

You're just some stupid kid getting his in. I'm saying you're lucky. Oh, I rolled four. Number four. She wrote for four. Sure. Yes. I'm loving the wax seal. It seems very efficient. Thank you. Oh, it's so fun. It's beautiful. Uh, guys. All I hope is that this just affects me and it doesn't affect anybody else because I'll feel really bad. It's so much fun to find out. I can't wait. Uh, hold on. Okay. You're actually evil. No. You are chaotic. Kelsey, there's not a small part of you that wants to see me get shaved with this envelope. Like this is the one. There's not a small part of you.

That seems like it would be inefficient. It's going to be really slow and I'm going to sit here and just scrape off hair over and over. But like, seriously, the trim first. And then I'm just going in with the envelope really hard. So here we go. Oh boy. If this is right, they also realize art. Oh man, I'm so nervous. This is, uh, you don't look nervous. Besides whether he has sex with his wife for like three months. Straight up. Oh, that's a face. Let me get this ready. That is not the reaction we'd have if he, if he had to shave his beard. That's not the reaction.

It's something else. Maybe he's keeping it in. Maybe he's keeping it in. No, he wouldn't. He doesn't have that good a poker face. Yeah, he's got like an open book. Yeah. Reaction wise. Oh, this is Stereothon. He has to keep it airtight. No, he's way too happy. Please be just me. Please be just me. Bane number 26. It will grow on you. I have to be clean shaven. *gasp* I named that. We did it. When do you have to shave? No more chills. Basically, after, after our little session wraps up, there's one final break. And while that's going, I have to go shave. Oh my gosh. I have not been clean shaven.

You're gonna look so handsome, Jason. Oh, you don't even know. I'm so sorry. You don't even know. I'm so sorry. She's gonna divorce me and it's your fault. So who's the real loser, Kels? I think you're gonna look handsome because the last time you were clean shaven. Or no, even then you had to go tea, but like, you don't have to shave the top of your head. Oh, fuck no. That was so well advised. You know what that was? That was me trying to beat it. Like, it's like, no, I'm gonna- All the time, that's what I knew. I'm gonna beat this bald spot. And no, you know what?

Some people don't get to look like Bruce Willis in his prime. Some people look like a gourd. And that was me. And it's not fair. Guys, I just wanna, I just wanna, it's so cool how this all worked out. On the one hand, someone has to undergo a freakish transformation to adapt to their environment. And on the other hand, something happened to Jamie's character too. That's how it is. Good job, Rob. That was good. That was good. That was a good one, Rob. Yeah. Excellent. I will say, we did not give you enough credit, Jason. I for sure thought it was something else.

I was like, nope, it's not the shave. He would have made it differently. My job is to have a poker face and you guys sold me out quick. Like, man. I knew it. I knew it. Thank you, Zach, for having some goddamn faith in me. Honestly, there's something about a man when there's something about your shoulders, they slumped like 15%. I was like, oh. It kind of, it kind of, it kind of felt like you kind of were taking a minute to deal with it yourself to kind of come to terms. I had to process, but it's like, man, there's a hundred people in this chat. I got to process quick.

Cause I felt like it was something like, oh, Paxton's dead. Hee hee. [Laughter] That's just one thing. It's like Paxton's dead. There is no like fun text or anything. It's just the severed head of Paxton. Holy shit. Well. You got this, Jason. I believe in you. It's going to be okay. You're going to feel, you're going to feel so good after a clean shave. You just, it's going to be fine, man. It's going to be fine. Man, I hope, I hope I was not watching this. She's not. I'm sending her a message. She's going to catch wise eventually, I'd like to think so. That's, you know.

Wait a minute. All right. So stick around, I guess, guys, till the end. That's perfect. Cause we also need to announce the giveaway winner. So that's true. Man, today's been great for giveaways. I just, oh, we're going to thank a lot of people later, but here we go. Um, well, Bo's fine. Yeah, Bo's fine. Help the situation we're currently in, which is what I was hoping for, but. Well, I mean, it did because you didn't choke on gas. Real quick though, when that happened to Bo, I was like, quick, someone in the party needs to like, look at the riot and be like, yeah, that'll happen to all you two if you don't go.

If you were just flop around like a fish. Oh my God. Like if you were to stumble out into the crowd, like that's like, Holy shit. Is that what it does to people? I'm going home. Your face just turns inside out. I straight up leave Brightport. This has been a great day for body horror. I know I got to shave. Pally peeked the mic. I'm sorry. Anyway, so Calypso is staring at Bo with horror. I feel like Bo doesn't even like, do you think she realized like what I wouldn't think? I think Bo having this coughing fit and like sort of taking these steps back into the alleyway, just it's going to see the look on Calypso's face.

What? You just didn't have the face. Is that normal for you? I don't think so, but we'll deal with it later. We've got to figure this out. That's the day you're having. It's like, look, I'll deal with this no face situation later. Right now. She has no face. Calypso's just like, well, that was horrifying, but I mean, her face is back. So that's good. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Let's start to wind things down a little bit. Rob. Yes. You're going to have to run back. Congratulate carry me? My God. Okay. Do I just make new athletic rules? Through the doorway on their honeymoon day?

Just let's break some gender norms. You can carry him. That's actually way cuter. I was just, you know what? Yeah. She should also lead when they dance like that. Oh, dancing would be a nightmare. Never mind. He stands on her feet. Yeah. Okay. Here's I need three. All I need is three from you. If listen to me, listen to me. All you need to do is get a total of 20. That's it. That's all you got to do. And you'll join your friends and the speech can be made and we'll see what happens. If not, they have some things to deal with. Okay. On one hand, statistically, I should achieve that.

Yes. On the other hand, dice. Yeah. No. Yeah. Uno. Oh, great. Just. Oh, you guys. I got it. I got it. This can't go wrong. No double one. Okay. You're fine. Oh, I made it through. There's the 16. I've been looking for all night. Jesus. Okay. I was genuinely worried. Just BRB. I think I have time to use the restroom because of Rob's running speed. That personally fair assessment. Fair assessment. Jokes on her. We're ready. So we could at least resolve the right one way or the other. We're getting there one way or the other. So how about those bears? Not the sports team. The animals.

Okay. Just damn it. What do you guys think of bears? They're cuter than they should be. True. For the monsters that they are. They're just animals. That's true. I just recently watched this video of a guy who was being chased through the woods by a bear. So it was a brown bear and it wasn't really chasing. It was more like stalking him through the woods. Yep. I've heard hippos are really, really. Yeah, are way more dangerous than predators because predators like they don't want to use energy on something unless they're going to get food out of it. Or worse, like a moose is way more terrifying than a bear.

Moose are mean. They're so territorial. Hippos kill way more people than crocodiles in the Nile River. Like it's ever before. They're scary. Speaking of chat. L in the chat. So, Hey, Jason, I hear we're getting a divorce. Don't worry about it now. Like he's a hairy dude. He can sneeze and grow that beard back. You're just talking earlier about having a marriage ceremony in Florida. Well, we could save the money. We get to have that really edgy bad boy phase. We just have a little stubble. Oh, yeah, man. Oh, maybe so much going on. This will be my midlife crisis.

I'll grow a nice soul patch. I'll take up guitar badly. I'll only play Nirvana covers. It's going to be great, guys. I'm gonna play all the music for the show now. But like the first eight notes have come as you are. That's it. It's going to be amazing. You'll love it. Okay, breeze back. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. Sorry. Hi. That's okay. I really did think I had time. No, actually, got it. So you and Greta are going to get back to these people, and the line is being held for the most part. This deterrent has dissipated and people are still there, but there's a little less fervor behind it.

It's like these people are still trying to move stuff out of the way, but they're kind of penned in a little bit. Like, if you look at a barrier and see that once you get past the barrier, you can go. You look at the barrier and see three more barriers. Like, it's a little more demoralizing. What do you do? Like, what do you... Are you just tossing them the mic? Are you like... Because there's not too many elevated positions. Like, but it's like a street. So, like, can we get access to a rooftop? Like, I want to address these people from, like, a point of safety for him.

He is a political leader. He needs to be able to depend on that. He's also quite wee. Oh, we're going by Valerie rules. Okay. So what we're going to do is you can either go up on the roof or just stand on, like, these carts, but like in the back, but kind of like a... So you're at an elevated position, but still at their level. Whereas being on a rooftop may send the wrong message. Like, you're talking down. Giolo kind of looks at Gradic and says, "Oh, man, hey, they got, like, they got a spot there. You know, you just want to go up on these carts? You just want to...

And then I'll give them... I'll kind of warm them up a little bit and hand them off to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And he's going to start to climb up. All right. Sorry. He's a crowd. No, he's going to start to climb. Yeah, no, no. I'm not asking, like, piggyback him or anything. No, this is his running to you. Like, this climbing is going to take a little bit. I like to imagine, like, little turns from seeing whatever just happened with Bo, and then, "Oh, Giolo is back, and he's lifting up the gnome." He's got a gnome. I don't know how that's going to help us, but...

It's okay, guys. I'm going to fix everything. I brought Grettic the wanted. Yeah, I mean, I don't see what could go wrong. Okay. Giolo just kind of, like, looks at this. So they're still, like, pushing forward and everything. Yeah. Yeah, they're pretty... Yeah. Giolo just takes, like, the deepest breath possible and shouts at the top of his lungs as loud as he possibly can. Maybe even boosted by presentation, if that can, like, boost... Basically, he uses what's at his disposal. And just shouts, "Okay, it's time to talk about solutions!" How does that get any attention?

I mean, yes? Like, I don't know if that's good. That... Performance? I mean, it's the same modifier. Give me... Give me... I guess give me Persuasion. Let's see how attention grabbing that is. All right. I still generate a 9 on rolling a 2 in my defense. Yeah, like, you probably get some people, like... I think it's more confusion. Like, at this point, the city's burning behind them. People are dead. It's like, "All right, this has gone on just long enough!" And it's kind of like... It's general confusion. Like, what? Solutions? Like, it's like... So you get some people kind of paying attention, but it's more...

I'm guessing Giolo can't attempt this again. So Giolo looks at Calypso and is like, "Do you have, like, a real, like, you know, like, play like a real banger? Like, get people's, you know..." Yeah, Calypso can, like, play, like, if you, like, do, like, loud kind of, like, sharp, like, notes on their violin. Yeah! That'll probably cut through if that helps. All right, let's... Hey, you try. Give me a performance check! Cool! And I still have my Enhance ability on, so... Go, go, go! I have advantage. Good thing! Yeah, let's drop that three. So, yeah, 17 is enough.

So this is still a large assembled crowd. So instead of it being, like, this riotous beat-shit-down energy, it's gonna go down to a murmur. So you got that... That, that, that kind of, like, everybody's, like, still packed, but they're gonna, like, there's people kind of craning their heads, like, "Why'd we stop? What's going on?" So you have people paying attention. Okay, so Giolo... First of all, Giolo gives Calypso, like, a wink and a finger gun for the significant help on this issue. And he says, "So, today has been real bad, huh? Right? Like, everybody just kind of realized how awful things are in certain parts of the city.

And then on top of that, all your stuff is, like, burning down, falling apart. And man, that's... That's no way to live, is it? I, uh... I know we need something. We need, we need something that's going to make a real difference. So I went and I got my friend, Gradic, who is an innovator. And just, he's got his eyes toward the future, right? He's gonna figure this out. And it might take some time, but he told me his vision for what would fix things, what would get things back on the right track. And man, I just want you to hear it. Just hear him out." And then Giolo gestures over at Gradic and says, "It's your show." Give me a Persuasion check.

Can I give Giolo Bardic Inspiration? I don't think it would hurt. Yeah. What does that do for me? You can add a D6. Yeah. Add the number roll to one ability check, for sure that it just may. So the creature can wait until after it rolls the die for the ability check. But before the DM says if it fails or succeeds. Okay. So I'll pitch this Persuasion die and then if it's low, I'll throw a D6. It is not low. It's not low. Okay. I feel like I don't need to burn this on that because it's fundamentally Gradic's show now, but I've given him a good... I've set... This is...

I cleared the runway. It's a D8. Oh, it's a D8. Oh, shit. Above level five. Nice, level up. That's the castle bonus. That's... So Giallo gave him like... Just did a real sincere kind of intro. Like, hey, like, feel your pain. Let's... My buddy Gradic here is gonna talk about the future. Okay. Well, Gradic's gonna take the mic as it were. All right, everyone shut the hell up. I give him the talking stick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's just kind of like... Kind of... Because they're still murmuring. It's like, shut up! Like, just... There's probably a second shut up after the first...

All right. So you people are pretty pissed. I get it. Um... I used to live where most of you live now, actually. And I hated it. I... By the way, through this whole thing, like, Giallo is like, he's acting all the behaviors that he wants the crowd to pick up, like, nodding and, like, listening emphatically, right? Like, he's... Only that the scientist says applause. Not even that, but it's just like... He's minding... He's minding the reaction he wants out of the audience as he watches Gradic in hopes that they'll, like, unconsciously pick up his body language.

He's Gradic's hype man. He's like, yeah! Yeah, yeah! Totally, yeah! That's totally what he's doing. Yeah. Zach, you were gonna say something? Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I thought you were gonna say something. Just listening. So... The entire time I lived down there, I was constantly trying to get out. I would scam people, cheat people, and... And I did a lot of terrible things to a lot of people. And... Well, I'll be honest, I would still do them if I were in your position. So I... I get it. And Giollo... Giollo chimes in to, like, save that. Like, he doesn't... Yeah! He's like, that doesn't sound good.

So he goes, that's real desperation right there. That's where I bought 'em. The point is, you burning down the other half of this city ain't gonna solve anything. The only people who have the influence to try and fix things up... Is us. We've been the ones trying to give people who are ex-cons jobs now for six months. No one else was giving those people jobs. Not even the shitty taverns down where you live. So... We're trying. It's not like the mayor's been doing shit. And these new valets, I mean, they're trying. But, like, I don't... I... How many... He's gonna, like...

How many of you are there? How many? Like, a hundred? Two hundred? In the Firebrand thing or in the... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You. Your new thing, right? Oh, that's... The Soulbreakers. I mean, there's like six of us. Wait, are there five or six? No, there's five. Wait. It's only five. It's only five. Counting... There's... And our leader's name is... Steven. But you could have counted your demon. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Your little guy. Your little buddy. Does he get a little uniform? Oh, shit. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's as good as the marriage, yes. Here's like five of us.

It's kind of a surgical thing, right? It's not like... It's not big. It's surgical and it's a prototype. It's... That's... So he's thinking, he's like, "This is like 100, 200?" It's like, there's five. It's like, "What? What?" Like, just like, "Holy shit. Okay." He's like, "We don't know what we're doing either, buddy." He's gonna... Forget that! Um... I promise you that I'm going to work as hard as I can. To get some new opportunities down in the slums. We're talking new buildings. We're talking health care of some sort. It's not going to be a fix-all overnight.

So just calm your tits. It's not like... It's a work. It's a work in progress. But... I can't... Deal with the other... Like, okay, give him the symbol. Give him the one thing. And he's going to kind of like... Yeah, okay. I think there should be a new election. I don't think this mayor is doing anything to help you people. And I think if you look around, we might need a bit of a change. So I'm gonna go back to work and try to fix up these slums. And in the meantime, I want you to think about maybe voting for somebody who's gonna be thinking about you. Who came from where you came from.

And here's where we gotta roll, guys. 'Cause I don't know. I... What do you... I just would like to picture whenever, like, Graddick said something about how the mayor is not doing a good job. It's like the camera cuts to Warwick just face down on the ground. So here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna have him roll. I'm gonna have him roll a persuasion check. I think it has to be a 16 or higher to get any traction. What do you guys think? Do I give him advantage with my hype man routine? I think this is just based on Graddick's charisma. I mean, he definitely has their attention.

He has their attention because they're not rioting right now. That's the thing. We did settle down to a murmur, which makes me think he should get advantage. That's okay. This just... This is what I think is fair. What does everyone else think? I don't think so because he's like, they tell people to shut up in a riot. Like, yeah. That's fair. He's already privileged. He's acting tougher than people. He's not acting tough. He's like talking on their level, kind of. That's true. He's not on their level. That's what he's doing. He's trying to relate, but he doesn't relate anymore.

It's like when you make it out of the bad place, but then you try to go back to the bad place, but you're better than him. Rocky III! Yeah, you lose the eye of the tiger. Collaborate land, beats the shit out of you. We've all been there. You're in this nice house. Watching halfway through. He's buried into it. No. That was Rocky IV? That was five. Everyone stops watching Rocky V halfway through. Don't feel bad. That's the one with the robot. No, Rocky IV is the one with the robot. You watched that one all the way through? And Rocky V is the stupid one? It has Ivan Drago, Brianna!

You don't watch the one with Tommy Gunn. You just think the one with the robot is the stupid one. And yet it's not. You would, but it's Rocky, so no. You know, you could make this dice roll and we might have time to pull another envelope or two. I'm just saying. Okay, okay. I'm not gonna give him advantage. He's gonna, it's off his natural charisma. Plus four is all he's getting. That's pretty good. Oh, that didn't go in the box. That is heartbreaker. Oh! Come on, man. That was almost a 20. You all saw. Should have got advantage. So at this point, I don't know if there's anything else we can do.

We can do another envelope, Kelsey. I will say, just because they don't want to vote for him as mayor doesn't mean they're not thinking about it's like, well, yeah, more traction for the mob. I thought that too. No, this is more like, okay. Why are you arguing so hard for the advantage? I mean, I just thought you were really on board. Yeah, me too. I'm so confused. I'm down for Paxton and Craddock both running as mayor at the same time on the same level. I'm down for that. Yes, please. That would be hilarious. In keeping with my philosophy, I'm calling for an envelope.

Now? Yes. Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, we got a big envelope burst going on. Well, I mean, I don't want to stop the man if this is God given right to... Wait, what do you mean we're fine? That's a six. That was... Okay, so that's more for the mayor thing. I'm going to roll for the mob thing. Oh, okay. No, no, no. Yes! Mob thing separate then I'll wait. I'll wait. Yeah, just give me... Yeah, jeez. Okay. Okay, this is the second. So again, so mayor thing that first glance that didn't take off. That's okay. We're going to repackage, retool, come back later. One guy in the crowd.

I don't know guys. I don't like his message. One man is poor. Neither did that. So this is more, I would say at this point. You have more guards. You have gas to these people, essentially. A lot has been lost. And I think... I think the amount of people that would disperse would probably beat the amount of people who would stay. And I think if you lose that many people at once, that would probably put a real damper on the festivities. You know what I mean? Like, if they were to continue, it would be much, much harder. So you're saying... They're not excited. Okay.

So I think this is a thing of like, okay, they're not excited, but it's going to dawn on a lot of people that our homes are on fire, not the dams. We need to take care of us. So it's going to be more of a fuck. Like, let's go. And as the sun starts to set on Brightport, there are plumes of smoke coming from the slums. And that is a whole other problem that has to be dealt with. But for now, the rioting is over. I think that's a good time for us to stop. That's a problem. Oh! Someone died. Someone died. People died, but we didn't. Yeah, the party didn't die. People are gonna die, but...

I haven't gotten to that. Okay. I wasn't sure if maybe I missed it because I know he got trampled, but I wasn't sure if he was dead yet or not. Uh... Art! Wow! Oh, go ahead. So no more deals then. Art, you should open up the rest of the envelopes, though, so we can see what we didn't get. Yeah. I'll, you know what? I'll open up the rest of the legendary ones. How about that? And then everything else is just... Because there's a lot of them. Unless Rob still wanted one. In keeping with my philosophy, the situation is under control. It does not... Well, okay. Well, how about this?

How about one more legendary one, right? Yeah, do it. Do it. I just want to try it. I just want to try it. Just one. Hey! Or we can... Ryan in the chat, you guys are getting a whole other thing. Don't worry. We're starting fresh because it's a Patreon group. It's technically another world. You're fine. Don't worry about these envelopes. You got your own stuff coming. I promised them because there's... I'm just going to open these. All right. And then we're going to take a break. And then sadly, I have to come back. Sorry. No, hey! Sorry about your face, man. That's a big deal going on.

Like, that's heavy to run four D&D sessions in a row. And then instead of being able to just flop into bed, now I have to shave your face. Yeah. Dude, it's about the content. Yeah. For people who have beards, is your skin usually dry underneath a beard? Are you going to need to lotion up? Is that what it is? You have dryness? Don't worry, Jason. I have every lotion on. Clippers or razor? I'm using clippers, then a razor. Yeah, I clipper mine off first and then shave. Usually my skin is just kind of oily under there, right? Like, it needs to be cleansed, I would say.

That's kind of my thing. Yeah, I'll wash my face. Exfoliator. I got-- I don't want to smell like a rainbow forest. You might have-- This is your time to do an actual full face mask. Do you want to smell like a fresh ham? I got ham stuff. You can't have ham! I have questions about your life. Why do you like you moisturizer? It's not super hair, but I have hair stuff that smells like ham. Why? It's clothes, but it smells like an Easter ham. Yeah, I need clothes for my scalp or else I start-- So, okay. No one has to shave with me. You do not have to do that. I appreciate the gesture, though.

I think, I don't know. It's-- I'd rather-- Ah, no, I don't know. It's weird. It's just so much of what I see in the mirror. We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors. Please don't go anywhere. Again, next week we'll be back with a brand new episode. We've been recording stuff behind the scenes. I got a little sick, but we're still banking episodes and everything is great. If you swing on by Patreon.com/dandr, we are super excited to get the Night City Raiders. It's our cyberpunk game up and running. That'll be a little later this month. There's also going to be a brand new episode of New Bloods, obviously, and the big one, Living in Theria.

We're bringing back the format where you guys ask us a bunch of questions about a specific topic. This month, we're talking about the new gods for just a dollar. Right now, just a dollar. You can ask questions on our Discord right this second, and we'll answer them during Living in Theria. Until next week, everybody, please take care of yourselves, and good luck with your games.