Sticks and Stones

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[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

Smith and The Bourne Identity comes a new film. It's your first job? I know what I'm doing. It's a little late for a crit change. Starring Matt Damon. Everybody in New England is after us. And Casey Affleck. Go, go, go, go, go! What are you doing? Taking notes. Taking notes on a criminal conspiracy. The Instigators, rated R. Streaming August 9th on Apple TV+. Howdy, everybody out there. Welcome to another new episode of Dungeons & Randomness. I really hope you guys enjoyed your holiday weekend. If you had to work through it, I'm really sorry. But hopefully, we can keep you company for a little while and help you kill some time.

Before we get to today's brand new episode of The Grey, which I assure you is a doozy, I just wanted to make sure you knew about a few things. The first is Downtime Manager. It was an app I was talking about last week. And a bunch of you guys went and tried it out. I really appreciate it. The people behind it are pretty cool. I've been emailing back and forth with them for a little while. If you don't know what Downtime Manager is, essentially, it allows you to create a downtime session with your party without having to be in the same place. So instead of taking up valuable role play time when you all get together on a Friday night or once a month or whenever you manage to sit down, you could take care of things like shopping and trading and crafting and all that good stuff in a town in Downtime Manager and just have it be done.

It also gives you something to do while you're waiting for the next D&D session. If you haven't tried it yet, I assure you it's worth your time. Go check it out. Downtime Manager, it's on iOS and Android. Let me know what you think, please, because I know the developers are always looking for ways to retool it and add stuff, and they are looking for feedback. July 17th, guys, in less than two weeks. Holy hell. A bunch of the cast of Dungeons and Randomness are going to be here, and we're going to go to Great Escape Games in Sacramento, California. July 17th, 1 PM PST.

That's 4 PM EST. We're going to be signing books. We're going to be hanging out. We're going to be meeting as many of you as we can. If you do make the drive or you're in the area, we'd love to shake your hand because we could actually do that now. We're all vaccinated. Basically, we just want to get out and about again and just see you guys because it's been far too long. It's also a fantastic game shop. It's actually my favorite, and I've been going there for years. Last and certainly not least, August 28th. It's our second book Kickstarter. We are doing some brand new tiers.

We're adding some new stuff to it. We got a bunch of great feedback from you. And of course, we're going to be covering T'Lor. So get ready. We're going to be doing some sort of live event that day. We're not exactly sure, but it's probably going to be a big one. And we can't wait for you to see all the new artwork, all the new stuff. There will be a preview. You'll be able to download that for free along with the campaign just to check it out. So get ready. August 28th will be launching. That's it for me. I'm going to stop yakking and shilling. Thank you guys so much for listening.

And we'll be right back after these messages from our sponsors. Don't go anywhere. [AUDIO OUT] Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Chase. I'm the Dungeon Master Goner on the table, starting with Mandy. Hi, guys. This is Mandy. And I play Lee Argent, the human fighter. And I know what you're thinking. Lee is totally going to survive this. Yeah. And let's go to the polar opposite, Michael. Hey, I'm Michael. And I play Takkar, the barbarian bard. And I may or may not live through this. But it'll be fun to find out who does and doesn't.

Just to bring back a metric that we haven't used on the show, Lee is less than one anthan. Really? Oh, damn it. Yeah, less than one anthan. Or one quarter of a Takkar. So just-- Last half full. Yeah, there you go. Takkar scale. And Alex. Hi, I'm Alex. And I play Tobin, the tiefling monk. How am I going to survive? I think that's negative thinking. No, no. I mean, I've accepted my fate. This is life. This is the way. He really just wants to be that cleric. He really does. Yeah, he's about to make a character. I feel like you've had a backup character since episode two.

And you're just kind of like-- Yes. That is correct. I'm going to make sure you survive throughout this. Ever since the first, hey, guys, I got a deal. I was like, well, OK, backup time. I was all in 100%. That's when you just-- I just stopped loving it. I can't love that character anymore. I mean, I love him. And Karen. Hi, I'm Karen. And I play Delphine, the elven cleric. And I'm very nervous. Oh, guys. Because I'm right in the front. And I'm going to get bitch slapped. You're the leader. And you're the one talking all that sass at the-- Oh, god. I just got us into such a bad situation.

And I would apologize. Do you remember the 7-11 meme? But I did warn you that it would happen. This is the Twisted Ice-T meme. You were talking all kinds of shit. And now it's-- well, so I mentioned, as things kind of degraded the last time we sat down, that there are only as many of them as there are you. There are four of these guys. And Roland is not fingerless. Sorry, but he has broken fingers everywhere. So he is tied up and indisposed. He's not going to be much healthier unless he just starts throwing headbutts and kicks. He can do that. I got to tell you, Roland's not a fighter.

He's a lover. Like, that's-- like, he's-- Bite at the crotch. Just go for it. Wait, did you say bite at the crotch? Yeah, he's on the ground. He's tied up. Just go. Oh, my god. I'm never going to get into a fight with you. Ha! You shouldn't because-- No, I'm taller than you. That's not-- I'm just inviting problems. Actually, yeah. Yeah, just-- never mind. OK, here we go. Here are your combatants. Obviously, we have Master Armsman Berthold, right at the front, squaring off with Delphine. There is an older woman who has twin whips, and she's called the Pain Master.

They have a priest and a defender. Now, I wish you guys all the luck in the world. I wish that you would keep your fetishes outside of our game. No. No, you're going to talk to the Pain Master now, Alex. Pain Master. I'm going to describe all her attacks very slowly. Definitely don't want that. Good. Everyone, do me a favor. Roll initiative. Oh, boy. Oh, that was almost a five. Oh, no. Oh, no. Takkar rolled a one. How did I roll a one? Oh, no. Are you still on drugs, Tuck? What the fuck? Delphine rolled a zero. Oh, seven plus one is eight, my friend. And I rolled a seven.

Oh, my god. So confused. I don't know. Oh, my goodness. Okay. You can heal us after we go down, I guess. Yeah, let's. Holy shit. Well, okay. Berthol, let's see. He rolled 21. Holy fuck. Exactly. Just letting him go first, that's all. Oh, yeah. He is very much trained in hand-to-hand combat. And the Pain Master. Nine. That's so good. That's not too bad. The Priest. 20. These guys. It's just one round guys. Like. I just beat one round? Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant this is only going to last one round. Yeah, also that. No. I am only negative. I am only negative. The Defender with a plus zero.

So we're rolling a seven. We're starting things off with Tobin. Tobin! Get in there, baby. Okay. Tobin is obviously terrified. He's going to, in his mind, shift from his happy-go-lucky jovial mindset into this. I need to make sure nobody dies mindset. And what's my movement? I haven't played in a little bit here. Oh, we are so fast. We are so fast, baby. Yeah. Five, ten, fifteen. I'm going to stand in front of my boss. And, uh, what can I do? What can I do? I'm going to obviously attack, but I'm going to use the Flair of Blows. Actually, no. I can wield both Ebony and Ivory.

You can. Okay. I'm going to attack with both Ebony and Ivory. They're both plus two daggers? Yes, they are. So, each time you roll, you have to announce what you're rolling with. Okay. First attack. Okay, go ahead. No, I was just saying, do not roll a Critmas with Ebony. That's all. Just don't do it. Thanks for the heads up. Yeah, I just, you know. Now you made it his goal. No, no, no. Okay, so my first attack action is going to be obviously with Ivory. Right? And this one against, how do I target control click, right? Yeah, baby. I think, yeah, it says five. Okay, I did it.

So, my sheet disappeared. Boom, here we go. So, you're attacking the big boss. Birkenstocks himself. Birkenstocks. He's going to punch you so hard for this. Come on Birkenstocks. 22 will hit. Oh, thank God. I was going to say we'll miss. He's just going to go. Damage coming in. Nine damage. And I'm going to attack with Ivory as my extra, yeah, extra attack, right? Yes. Yeah. Here we go, baby. Oh, let's go. Oh, one damn. Okay, what you're going to do is you're going to add 2d10 necrotic damage to this strike. Oh, fuck. It says times. Okay, here's the 10. Here's the 2d10 damage.

Okay, 10 extra damage. Here's the magic damage coming in, which added the crit to it. So, 24. Damn. And I would like to describe me using my cool new daggers that rip my backpack. Yes, please. I told him Haul's ass and he does the Goku after image where he like is in mid motion running and ends up in front of his boss and quickly strikes with both daggers first the flash of white and then a flash of black like almost like that shadowy underwater ink comes out cross attack. And I anime pose and whisper to myself. Oh God. And I am going to use I can't use for a blows because I'm using I'm not unarmed right or is it monk weapons only.

I think it's monk weapons. Well, then I'm going to fucking burn a key point. Let's do it again, baby. So you're just going to slice and dice get in there. I don't get double I only get one this time. Okay. So it's just it's just it's going to be ivory this time for sure because I'm not about to show up. Sure. Welcome back Alex. Well hit. All right, here comes the damage. Nine. Just damage. Okay, so that's just open slicing and dice. And he gets three good ones in and he thinks if this guy's still standing, I'm fucked and he looks up and sure enough Birkin sucks himself still standing there.

I mean you cut him. Great. I believe that's it for me. All right, I'm good. All right. Well, I think it's time for rebuttal. Master Armsman. And Birkthol is going to fuck you up. Unless he misses he might totally fucking whiff man. He's gonna do multi-attack so he's just gonna ball up those fists that kind of like black glow kind of kind of reminiscent of endurance stuff what they've done is they've experimented on endurance for years to harness that power just without the emotion. So it's much more controllable but less potent. Because you know, that's yeah.

So he's going to take three unarmed strikes at you just just just just swinging one. 26. Yeah, that'll do it. So he's gonna fucking just punch you right in the gut. Oh, he rolled so low for damage 10. That's one third of my health. He's gonna rear back and just bam again. Oh my God 14 Ole Miss. And one more time. 28. 18 damage. This Pokemon that noise is going off right now. The priest. Let's see here. You know what? He is going to use blinding blast and target the big guy. Let's target to car. The target has to succeed on a DC 16 constitution saving throw or be blinded until the end of its next turn.

You should say that. Yeah, so this is. Okay. Oh my God 21. You're fine. You're not blind. That'll bring up Lee. Okay, so we is going to ready her halberd and dart forward as she yells back at tuck. Get in there, you know, big guy here just seeing that Tobin is getting rat. And she is going to target Master Armsman back though. And side going to attack with her. Oh, glee. Shit. That's a 29. Good. So let's yeah. Okay, I'm going to Oh, because I hit I actually would like to spend a we got super superiority die. And I'm going to do pushing which always called pushing.

Sorry. Yeah, pushing attack. So yes to make a strength saving throw and if on a field save shoves, it goes 15 feet away. Oh shit. That might be bad. He's not. Yeah. No, no, no. 15. He's only got a plus one guys. So here we go. Oh, he's going to get pushed back. 15. One. Boom. Do I get one of them opportunities? It's forced movement. So no. Son of a bitch. So that's three and then I'm actually going to attack the priest. Next, with my next attack. You know, it's like a man of the cloth. Yes, I'm gonna get him aim for the balls honestly. Tech. Oops. Oops. Actually, I think I forgot to do damage to brick though.

That's why. Hold on. Let me do that first because I think I deserve to hurt him. Yeah, you gotta. One second. Because my little, my little button, it does it for damage. Let me hurt him. Okay, I am attacking. Nope, not. I'm attacking. Okay. There you go. Sorry. Too many buttons. Here. Damage. 15 damage and he's going to get shoved back 15 feet. I'm going to aim for the priest. Do another attack attack. 25 will hit. Okay. Plus 10. Yeah, I do. Let us do a trip attack. So he has to make a strength saving throw or be knocked prone. I'm gonna level with you. I don't know if the priest is going to be able to do that, guys.

No, he rolled a two. So a total of four. He's going to fall down. Then I'm going to do my damage to them. 16 damage to the priest. And because he's prone, do I get advantage? Are you attacking again? Yeah, I can bonus attack. Oh, yeah. Use the other side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay. I'm going to keep attacking that guy. 27 will hit. Okay. Do the other end. Nine damage. Actually, then I'm going to do an action surge. Jesus. Yes. Let's try and take him out. Get it. Advantage. Oh my God. 28 will hit. And more. Come on. 13. Okay. And then I'm going to beat it back. Actually, I'm going to move this way.

Yeah, I'm going to stay. One, two. Yeah, that's good. I'm going to stay right there. If you use an action surge, don't you get an entire... No, I just get an extra attack. I think this is dead. You can take one additional. Wait. I think it gives you a whole action. Oh, a whole action? Yeah. Really? It's an action surge. Yeah. Because I remember this is what Val would do all the time. Along with that bullshit re-roll a one and two, do the math, fuck you thing. Great weapon mastery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm going to hit him again then. Well, you're going to try. He's been pretty good at dodging your blows so far.

Yeah, that'll do it. 27. So you knocked him down and you're taking his big ass Halberd and just chopping him like a fucking carrot over and over again. Just like, this one looks like he's going to be magic. I'm going to fuck him up. Oh, have mercy. I just came to bless these fighters. Oh, God. I studied the cloth so many years for this. Just, yeah. Yeah, just like, no, just like, get down, get down. And then she'll step back. Wow. Step back. And that's it. Thanks. Are we done? I am done. Okay. The Pain Master. I love to think that they were all like, oh, that, that person in the back, that's not a problem.

It's that mentor we need to be worried about. And it's like, where the hell did this person come from? All right. Uh, let's do. I don't like it when he laughs like that. Uh, so she's got, she's got these twin whips. Oh, and she is going to target Tobin. Ah, she's got this really calm voice, like an ASMR thing. And she's going to be, you're going to feel the crack of my leather on your back. Like very kind of like, yeah, she's really into it. She's also banned from Twitch right now. Oh, 21 will hit baby. Yep. Five damage to Tobin. All right. If she hits me again like that, I'm down, but not dead.

Oh, 23 will hit. Here we go. Oh, five. That'll down Tobin. She's going to lick her whip. She's a fucking weirdo. Tikar, you're up. So I see Tobin go down. I see all of this. I see him getting hit by the armsman. And then I see Lee go kick some ass and I'm like, yeah. And then when I see Tobin go down, I rage. I have to target myself or does that just happen automatically? I don't know how that. Oh, you got to target yourself. This is fun. Been a while guys. It's cool. What I'm hearing is you guys need more combat. We've done like what, two? This entire... You guys fought chickens and this and that's it.

Like this. Oh no, it had that battle on the boat. Yeah. Where is Ray? Oh, it's a spell. That's right. I can't believe it's been so long since I didn't have a spell. Oh my God. All right. Now I've raged. I saw this pain master take Tobin down. I'm going to target this guy and not myself. And then rage all the way up to him. Pull out that sick ax and try to attack with it. Okay. Let's see if you can hit this old woman. We'll see. I'm trying to make us feel bad for her. Yeah, you can't make them feel like real people. No, no, no, no, no. Ooh, 14's going to miss. Am I the first person to miss?

Well, you're getting used to the weight. You're getting, you know. Well, luckily I get an extra attack. I picture her in a Michelle Pfeiffer Catwoman outfit. Like real, just head to toe. You got to, no, leave that outside the game. No, no. Now that I know it's, I'm going to keep going with it. Like it's, yeah. Here's a bucket of Jesus fetishes. I am, I am not into chips, dips, chains, whips. Like it's not my thing. Like let's try this again. That sounds like a 1990s rap rhyme that you just said. It was actually a quote from Weird Science. Nice. I like that show too.

Show a movie. Not the one with Vanessa Angel. That was the show. I watched the show much more. Yes, same. Yeah. I reel back and I actually hit her this time. Oh, I'm sorry. I got, I got caught up thinking about Weird Science. 20 will hit. All right. And then we'll try this guy. 13 damage will wound the pain master. She's going to go, and that's it. It's going to look like it hurts, but like in a good way. Yeah. Partially resisted, even though it's magic weapon. So she, cause she's the pain master and it's. Oh, she likes it. Yeah. It's physical. It's a physical attack.

So yeah. Are these, they cannot all be in or some very. No, no, no, no. She's just the pain master. I don't know how else I need to describe this. She likes it. If it makes you feel any better, she's got less hit points than everyone else. Well, she's not hurt enough, so that's my turn. Oh, I thought there was like, so I'm going to miss my first one rage and yep. I guess I'm just going to sit here and look at menacing. Oh man. Okay. Defender is going to spring into action here and I get a attack of opportunity because I'm a polar master. Oh shit. Okay. I like that Mandy pause.

Zach Morris time out me like. Oh, that was almost a crit. 26 and he stops 10 feet away from me and he can't. Oh, it's reduced to zero. Oh, because of Sentinel, my feet, my feet. Oh, so when I, when I take it out, it just, and so he can't move anymore. He just stuck there. That's it. Well, suck it, Jason. That's a hold on. You're not the manager. Mandy, I'm, I feel, um, I feel like you, maybe you shouldn't have said that. I, Oh, I mean, I love you, Jason. Don't hurt me. I'm I'm I'm squishy. I'm soft. Uh, javelin, let's do a javelin. Oh, that's so going to miss. Uh, no, that's going to, you know what?

That's a damn good combo to keep people away from you considering you were squishy. Like you have this hard outer shell, but you're just filled with nougat. Like it just trying to. That's what I went with. I'm like, Oh, I got to keep people away from me with armor up. You're like a sea urchin. Like it's, it's nice. Like, uh, last and certainly not least. Let's go with Delphine. My turn. Um, I'm going to heal my friend down here. Hey, Hey, thank you. You're welcome. Um, and then that was a bonus action. So I'm also going to do it. Hmm. Yeah. I'm going to throw some sacred flame at this.

Uh, I know it's like all the way back there, but like, what did we call him? Birkenstocks. Wow. Yeah. The absolute disrespect. Well, you know what? He came and served his country and this is the respect and it's almost July guys. Come on. No, I'm sure that the, I'm sure that the gift gets, or I have a month and it's not, it's not July or June. So winter people. They're just, it's like December or January. Right. But if it's December, that kind of goes with them. Cause they think they're like, we're powerful. We're gods, blah, blah, blah. So it was pretty, pretty close to Jesus birthday.

So not God's just, you know, superior beings on the planet. Like they just, they're trying to elevate everyone and people keep fighting them on this and it's, it's a very Taurus of them. Um, he needs to succeed on a dexterity saving throw. Oh, okay. I know he's probably gonna, he's only got a, what is it? A plus six. Wow. Whoa. He fails. Oh my God. He rolled a two. So that's a 14. Um, he is going to take a one D damage, radiant damage. How dare you. Does he give something else to like a, he, he can't use cover anymore. I think or something like that. Okay. So he, uh, gains no benefit from cover and that's it.

I mean, he's not going to run like a coward anyway, so yeah, that's fine. No, that's my job. All right guys, time to reroll for round two. Delphine you are up from zero to hero. Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah. Now I'm gonna do a beacon of hope. And if I can find where it was there. So I'm going to put this on all my friendies and what it does. Oh, and I also would like to cast it on Roland too, but there's not a token for him, but just so you know. Yeah, no, that's fine. That's fine. Oh, I need to cast it on myself too. Man, what a, what a drastically different initiative this round gave us.

So for everybody, you guys get advantage on your wisdom saving throws and advantage on death saving throws. And you also regain the maximum number of hit points possible from all healing. Nice. Oh my. This is amazing. I love it. Um, but that's all I can do for this round. I mean, that's a lot. Yeah. Uh, that'll bring up car baby. This is your round. Oh, this has to be it. So still angry. Seeing that Tobin's getting up a little bit, isn't he still on the ground, but seeing his eyes wake up, he's still angry that hurting my friends go after this pain master being like, you shouldn't like that.

I'm hurting you. And then swinging again. If you cut her head off, it's going to be so like she won't like that. Her head rolls. It's just her tongue. Like I know that would get Mandy. That's all I wanted. And then we're going to be crawling towards the car with her tongue. Like, I like just, you're going to have to deal with Jason in real life. It'd be harder bull, man, there's a little skeleton in there, but like mess with the bull. Get the horns. Oh, she wants the horn. Michael. She wants it. 17 will hit. Don't like that. Oh, what is this? Oh, 11 damage partially resisted.

So you're going to slice open that leather. She's going to have to stitch that up later and she's just going to like, just like lick at the blood that's coming out. So even though I'm raging and I've got this like menacing face, there's still like a, what? Like just totally bewildered. Like I've never, you shouldn't. You're making this gross. Stop it. This is supposed to be a wonderful thing, but not that wonderful. Let's do this again. Here we go, baby. Oh, 20 will hit. Come on. You keep rolling like twos and threes for damage. Shall we go baby? 17 partially assisted.

You're really cutting into her though. Like you're doing it. You're hitting her. You know what I realized? We don't have like a real diehard spellcaster. Has this been something we've talked about before? I mean Delphine's a cleric. Like also your spellcaster. Yeah, that's true. I've been a bard. I'm not trying to take away from you. I just, I know the limitation. But not like a sorcerer or wizard or something like that. Yeah, because a lot of my stuff is buff, not like damage. Oh man. Is that getting buffed? We feel like one of those basketball teams that has everyone who can shoot from perimeter, like outside the team.

You don't have the guy who can go down right through the paint. Maybe Tuck. Tuck I guess is the guy. Yeah. You don't have the three point guy. Like you don't have like. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, we don't have. Yeah, exactly. And I can't do spells while I'm raging. Anything else? I don't think I can do anything as bonus. Well, I'm good. I'm going to save some stuff for later if I survive. There's going to be a voice in Tuck's head. You're just as wondering. Quite a good cut, sir. Very nice. Confused. But in his head, he's like, well, maybe it was Roland. Like he was just hearing Roland.

So he he hasn't quite figured it out yet. But hey, he's doing the good things. He's going to keep doing it. Well, let's let the pain master have a turn here. Hmm. You know what? She's just going to multi attack again. Let's try and stab Tuck. And try. Yeah. So she's got Tuck targeted. Boom. Here we go, baby. Oh, 13 is going to miss. She's going to try one more time. You're half Tobin targeted. Oh, I do. Well, it missed anyway. So. Oh, my God. Oh, she's she's she's going to miss. And she's going to say, oh, I can see I'm going to have to bust out the big guns for you.

Yeah, she's got a little bit of rasp and she probably smoked a bit in her youth. Like, you know, priest, baby priest is going to stand the fuck up and step back. Whoa. Way back. Like, oh, shit, that hurt a lot. Let's stop targeting to go. No, he wants to target the bitch who. How dare you? You hurt him a lot. Hmm. Let's. He's such a good healer that he doesn't have a lot. She's saying, I know he's going to you know what? He's just going to he's just going to stand back and wait for someone to need his assistance, but he's definitely going to get away from you.

Hey, speaking of. OK, fair enough. Then I'm going to target this defender and I'm going to. Yeah, it's it to do is try and hack at him like you did the other one. Oh, 16 will hit. Oh, good. OK, so I'm going to spend another superiority die. He I'm going to use menacing attacks. So she's going to really twirl and just be like, yeah, I stopped you in your track and just like stab and then plan to just like give him this death glare. And he must make a wisdom saving throw or be frightened. Oh, oh, oh, baby. 20. Damn it. That made it 13 damage and you can attack him again.

Damn it. Crit one, our first crit of the night. Well, crap, you critically hit yourself with the same attack you fumbled with, receiving all net negative conditions and effects of the attack. Oh, no. Can you take yourself out? I guess so. OK, so I. All you got to do is target yourself. I get my way. Stop. No, I don't want to target this guy. OK, and then shift click damage. Yep. Don't don't don't don't don't. Oh, 16 damage, about half of Lee's health. OK, ah, then she's going to then instead slip and it's going to go straight into her thigh and she's going to be like, I am still going very menacingly, but I heard a lot that hurts a lot.

This is what I'm willing to do to me. Think about what? Yeah. And then I'm going to use instead of hitting with the other side, I mean, he's a bonus action to heal myself. Does the max heal count for abilities to the all healing? Oh, yeah. Cool. Can you then give me how much do I do automatically? Really? Oh, OK. Then I put the ad on you. So, yeah, let's do it. Did it just give me the full. Oh, no, no, no. I guess I'm coming to it. But you know what? You're back to you are back to full health. And then I'm going to move back one. And he said, but that's it. Master Armsman is going to start to march, just make a beeline right for Delphine.

Is he really going that way? You go across my opportunity. No, because he can go around you. Yeah, he could just veer to the left because the only other person there is the defender. So but he will stop there. I get an attack about opportunity, though. Do it. Am I not OK? Are you targeting him? I don't want to target myself anymore. I like it. And they're done that. Oh, OK. Hold on a sec. I'm thinking. Do you want to move a different direction? No. Oh, no, no. I went that way. He probably has something. Yeah, I just don't know if I want to. Now, go ahead. OK. That just made it more ominous.

Fourteen damage to Bergdahl. He woke up this morning and chose violence. Let's target target. He's going to walk right up. I'm going to teach you some manners and his fist is going to charge up. Oh, no. And he's going to do the same three multi attack like on arm strikes. But if they hit, each one's going to do an extra D10 damage. So, yeah. I'm unwell. Are you ready? Just do it. Wha? Twenty three will hit. Yeah. Oh, we just lost concentration, everybody. Eleven damage. Here's another one. Oh, thirty will hit. Twenty damage to Delphine and the third one will. Sixteen will hit.

Oh, yeah, never mind. Nineteen damage and that'll wrap his turn up. Tobin. Oh, boy. I will use my tipsy sway to stand to my feet because I'm assuming I'm on my back. Yeah, yeah, I spend five movement instead of my half. And I realize I can use stunning strike and all those extra things with monk weapons as well. So we were right with the first call. So I have both daggers again and Tobin has both daggers again in his hand and he's going to attack with ivory first. Oh, twenty eight will hit. Don't forget the time. Oh, sorry. Oh, you're good. You're good. And then damage coming in.

Ten damage and then the I guess I'll keep win stunning strike. With Ebony. OK. Oh, twenty will hit. All right. And then I'll do the damage and then we'll see the strike. So stunning strike. I need him to roll. I haven't used this so long. Constitution saving throw against the DC of fourteen, I want to say is my say. Yeah. Fourteen. Yeah, let's do it. Twenty four. Oh, my God. Extra attack action. I'll use ivory. I know. Yeah. Ivory is a good one. I'm going to get messed up. Oh, fifteen will miss. Yep. I believe that's all I can do. Let me double check my healing thing, but I'm pretty sure that's it.

Quickened healing. No, it's an action. Never mind. I'm done. You know what? This defender is going to do a shield charge at Lee. But he's still in my thing, so I still get attack of opportunity. You do. But because he's using a shield charge, he's going to get a plus three to his AC. Uh huh. You may have figured you out. OK, let's see. Hi, hi, hi, hi. I got a mean. Uh, with the plus three, his armor is nineteen. Oh, oh, yeah. Damn it. OK, fine, fine, fine. Be that way. Fine. Everything's great. It's fine. Fine. So. Oh, God. And then hits with the flail. So he's got to hit with a flail, too.

So that's the good news. Heru. Oh, shit. That was almost a one turned into a nineteen twenty six will hit. So we do flail damage, which is eighteen. And then an extra. Oh, shit. I didn't know it was going to do it. An extra three to eight. Thirteen damage. Thirty one. Thirty one. Thirty one. I'm still up guys. Leaving Lee with two hit points. I need you to make a strength save or you're going to get knocked on your butt. OK, strength save. Seems like karma. We're shooting for fifteen. Oh, sixteen. Nice. OK, so you're going to stay up. So you guys got a little fight going on.

Here we go. Going into round three. It's time to reroll. Master Armsman. Oh, look at that lineup. No. All four of the gifts. Absolutely not. Oh. Oh, he's going to call back to his men. Keep them alive. But I want them each crippled. So we're playing for blood, guys. Let's hit Delphine again with... Oh, yes. You know what he's going to do? He's going to hit Delphine with the Quivering Palm attack. Oh, God. I need you to roll a Constitution saving throw and we're shooting for an eighteen. So he's going to charge up this fist and just try to plant this palm into Delphine's chest.

I'm going to have a heart attack, aren't I? Three. Nine. Delphine's going to drop to zero hit points as soon as this palm makes contact. Just her heart's going to skip a beat and just, boom, hit the ground. So... Oh, let me scroll way down to get to Delphine. Sorry. Seventy-five. This combat... OK, initiative was not kind to you guys. The Pain Master. Got real quiet, guys. Yeah, we had the upper hand for a second and then we got full of ourselves. We never did. OK, she's going to use Phantasmal Killer. Great. OK, she's going to cast this at fifth level. Wonderful.

I need you to make a Wisdom saving throw, please. Sure. OK. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Three isn't going to do it. So she's going to play off of all of Tuck's nightmares and bring them to the front of his brain and just do all kinds of psychic damage. Heruug! Twenty-nine damage to Tuck. Oh, boy. At the end... And at the end of each of the target's turns before the spell ends, the target must do the Wisdom saving throw again or continue to take that damage. But a successful save ends it. Is it concentration? I guess I should wait and find out, but... Yes! Uh, no!

Not you. Hold on a second. There we go. All right! That was her turn. Priest. Oh, God. Oh, no. He's like, "Good job, everybody!" Doing great! Oh, man. Well, he's got a Flamestrike. Whatever. Uh, let's target Tuck. Oh, Jesus. Uh... Flamestrike! Can you make a Dexterity saving throw, please? I would love to. Eight's not going to do it. Restart. Oh! Jesus! Thirty-four damage to Tuck. That was so many dice. That was a lot of dice. And the defender. Oh, my God. Ouch. Yeah, this is... this is rough. Let's just swing the flail twice at Lee. Let's do it. Flail number one. Seventeen will hit.

Fourteen will knock Lee out. T'kar, you're up. All right. At the gate, I'm going to use Defensive Flourish. I can expend my Bardic Inspiration and deal extra damage to my target I hit. The damage equals the number you roll on your Bardic Inspiration die. You also add the number you rolled to your AC until the start of your next turn. Okay. So I'll roll a d6. See what I add to my... Okay, so I could add a three. Yeah, three. Shit. All right. All right, this Pain Master's gotta go. At least one of them, I mean. Come on. Uh, still targeting her. And... Nineteen will hit.

All right, and then it's... plus three. Because I think it's damage. Let me double check real fast before I just assume. Actions. And... What? Oh, damn, she rolled a 22 for concentration. So, you know, the nightmares. Yep, yep. But I'm gonna hit her again. Good. Oh! Did you see that? It was a 19 and rolled over to a three. It was like, "Ah, no." That's not the kind of night you're having. Thirteen will miss, sadly. I don't have a single bonus attack I can do. Bonus thing I can do, I don't think. Fame. You know, thinking about it, wouldn't she be the Pain Mistress?

Unless she doesn't believe in labels being gender. Like, I don't know. What sounds disgusting? Like, what's worse? She can be whatever she wants to be. Yeah? How about the Pain Whisperer? Ooh! Yeah, right? She's whispering to me. It's a big fight, you know, she's gotta get in close. When she knocks you down, oh baby. What's her twitch handle? [laughter] She just cracks whips in a fucking hot tub now. It's just... It's what the kids are into. Cracking whip 72. So... you're done? Unfortunately. I need a wisdom saving throw then, sir. I guess, if that's what you want. [burps] Oh my god!

That's a zero. I'm amazing. Oh no. [laughter] Well... Oh, low damage? [mimics You're gonna take 14 damage. [sighs] Guys, I'm not gonna lie. Things have looked better. Tobin. Umm... I'm just gonna go toe to toe with Birkenstocks. I can't heal anybody. So my first action, I guess, I'll use my... quickened healing. And I get to spend a martial arts die. What's my martial arts die? Like a d4? No. At 9? I think it's 8. It's a d8? I think. I don't believe me. I'm an idiot. Let me check. Let me check. Let me check. Chachachoo! I don't wanna pause the wrong number here. I am looking for...

Monk. Okay, martial arts die. At 9th level, it is a d6. Not great, but you know that's better than nothing. So... I get 3 HP back, please. Okay! And then I'll use my... extra attack! Please. You know what? Fuck, I'll use Ebony this time. Don't forget the target. I got him. As long as you don't roll a 1, you're... Well, you know, the table is like, "Hey, I don't like you guys." It's back and forth on you. Oh, okay. 27 will hit! 8 damage! Okay, and then I have... If I use 3 plus 2, so 5 key points, I have 4 left, so I will use... Flurry of Blows. With Ivory. Don't forget the target. 17 is gonna miss, though.

Fuck! Okay. Anytime I use Flurry of Blows, I can disengage. And I will do that. I'm gonna try and keep them off of my friend and end up right behind the other two. Okay. It's the end of my turn. That is a bold turn. Lee, can I get a death saving throw, please? Okay! Okay, it is... This button. That's a success! Cool, cool, cool. Delphine, can I get a death saving throw, please? Sure. Ayy! That's a success! See, guys? Things looking great! The Pain Master! Leading off round number 4. What the fuck is a Pain Master? Did it do it again? Oh no. I'm at the bottom of the key.

Oh no. Okay. She's a little more varied. She's just gonna try and stab Tuck now. You're softened up, like I think. Let's stab! Why aren't you stabbing? There we go. Sixteen will miss! One more! Fourteen will miss. Nice. Yep. Well, that's not very painful. Tukkar, you're rebutted. Cool. I didn't even need to use my flourish. That's wonderful. That's wonderful. Kill this lady. Okay. Attack. Seventeen will hit. Yeah, don't screw me over here. And... Fourteen damage! And she pulls a twenty-two for a concentration. Fuck. You got another hit. Go go go go go. Oh no! That is a crit! One rolling on the table.

Critical counter of the target critically hits you with a basic attack. If this action is impossible, the original target gains inspiration instead. So that means she does stab you. Well, it doesn't care about my AC anymore because it was a crit of Clifumble. Yep. That's awesome. Nine damage. Partially resistant though. Yeah, I can do that too. Then you go, "Ewwww!" And you just rub your... Yeah, like, "Ooh, yeah!" How you doing, Mandy? You doing okay? I'm very sad. Very sad. Do I want to... Nah, I'll just leave it at that. Let everyone else enjoy their turn. Oh...

Oh, God. Okay, here's what we're gonna do. The priest is going to mosey on up. I hate to say this, but I think I have the roll of wisdom. Oh shit, you do. Okay, you're due for a save though. You're due for a save. Yeah, with my negative two. I mean, yeah, totally. All you gotta do is roll an 18. How about a five? Which is a three. Oh my God. I think you're dead. If you get like 20 damage, a little bit less than 20. Yeah, you're out. Oh, no you're not. No, you're not. No. You're... 18. Hold on. 99. Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. Yeah! Alright! Doing fine! Okay, the priest is going to wander up behind Bergdahl here.

And let's... let's do healing touch. I have so many things I need to say. But I'm going to say them. Say them? They're not nice things. Oh. Is it about them or me or like... 12 health! 12 health! Back to... Yeah, I can do more than that on him, so I'm not a big deal. Whatever. Tobin! Everything is a blur. There are dead people everywhere. Tobin attacks the priest. Because he's in range now. Oh, no. He had to heal the guy who signs the checks. Yeah, Ebony's first. Okay. Oh, 17 will hit. Okay. 8 damage to the priest. Second attack. With Ivory. Or Ebony, sorry. Ebony. Oh, you're using Ebony again?

No. Whichever one I didn't use. [laughter] Ivory! Yeah. 23 will hit. 9 damage to the priest. Burn one of my last key points for... Stunning Strike. I'm using Ivory. 25 will hit. Okay, use the damage. And I need him to make a Constitution saving throw. 11 damage. Let's do that then. Constitution saving throw. He rolled a 5, which is a 12. Shit else. He is, I believe, stunned. Yeah, stunned until the end of my next turn. This is rigged, and that's unfair. I'm sure it is. I'm very sure it is. I'm really tired of the table benefiting you guys. It's really... [laughter] And then, just for flavor, as I stab this guy and I stun him, like I cut a vein or something, and I look at the other two who are standing over my dead boss and first in command, I just kind of wave them on with the daggers to attack me and leave them alone, basically, and that's the end of my turn.

Okay. Well, the defender is going to stop targeting Lee and start targeting Tobin, and let's swing some flails. 23 will hit. 16. Before I take damage, I give him a Hellish Rebuke. Ooh. I'm sorry, what's it called? Fuck, I had some... Pocket Sand? No, it's called Hellish Rebuke. I need him to give me a Dexterity saving throw. Oh, yeah, that's definitely... It was a 4, rolled over to an 18. I am down. Lee, do me a favor. Give me a Death saving throw, please. Okey-dokey. Death saving throw. Oh, okay. Whoo! That was almost a 1. It was. But it was a 13. 13 will succeed.

Master Armsman Berthor is going to slide over 1. Target to Kar. And, god, punch his back 3 times with advantage. 29 will hit. Low damage. Okay. 11 partially resisted. Oh, we're dropping a 1 to take a 15. 27 will hit. Oh, 17. There it is. Will knock to Kar out. Oh, god. So, the entire party is down. Berthol's going to straighten up, kind of like dust off his dress whites here. And he's going to break out a set of dice. And he's going to toss a d4 to each of his men. I want you to roll to see which one of their limbs you're going to break. And then we're going to roll out.

We have a ship to raid. Oh, shit. On his way back to the cart, he's going to stop and realize, oh, I have unfinished business. I have to roll. He's going to go ahead and roll. Let's do right arm, left arm, right leg, left leg. That's a 3. He's going to realize, it's like, oh, wait, I have to lead by example. And he's going to turn around and walk up to Delphine and raise his boot and come down right above the knee and break Delphine's leg. And there's a moment where he just connects and he's going to look at the rest of his men. Chop chop, we have things to do.

And as he's walking back to the cart, he's going to look down at Roland. Toss him with the others. I don't think we need him for leverage anymore, do you? And he's going to get back in this cart. Well, here's how we're going to do this. We're going to roll a d4 for each one of you. Right arm, left arm, right leg, left leg. Let's do Tobin. Come on down. I didn't want it to be any of my arms. Left arm. Crunch. Yeah, it's just like hyper-extend that elbow. I've done that to one of my fingers when I used to try and play basketball in middle school, so it's not fun.

You guys might want to look up Broken Bones in The Adventurer's Guide to Theory, Volume 1, Alara. Oh, you mean this book right here? That book right there. We will be selling it at Great Escape Games in Sacramento, California. Will there be anyone there to sign it? Don't buy this book because look what happened to it. If you want to curse at me, I'll be live. I'm going to punch you. I was about to say. Will you pick me up at the airport? I'm just going to throw this book at the top. Hey, thanks for the ride, Jason. I'm really bringing a carry-on, but I'm going to put this in my carry-on.

I'm going to waste that space. Well, it's time for Lee. Okay. Oof, left leg. None of it's good, but yeah. There's no good option here. The pain master is going to straddle Takkar. And she's going to whisper in his ear, "Here's something to remember me by." And she is going to float backward and elbow drop Takkar's knee and just shatter the right leg right there. Just boom. I'm going to try to hold a smirk while whispering, partially resistant. But just try so hard, even though it fucking hurts. Oh my goodness. Is Delphine going to have to set all our limbs and her own limb?

Because that would be sad. So for those of you at home who don't know our custom rules for broken bones, in the event of a broken bone, you will automatically roll with disadvantage for any checks, attacks, and saves that require the use of that limb. If a leg is broken, your speed is now halved. If an arm, if the arm you use a shield with is broken, you can no longer effectively use that shield on that arm. Essentially, everything is much more difficult with a broken limb. Oh, yeah. So who has the highest wisdom? Like who's trained in medicine? I think I might be.

Probably. Yeah, my wisdom is not great, but it's not terrible. Let me help with my negative two. Crunch. I get a plus five in my wisdom, but I'm not trained in medicine, which seems kind of like a weird oversight. I mean, you have magic to play. Yeah. Do you have regeneration in the spell? Definitely not. Oh, weird. I'm jack of all trades, so I'm partially skilled in everything. It goes from a negative two to zero, but it's great. Nice. So they're going to pile into this carriage and they are going to take off in the direction you came from. They are very much heading into Westport.

And some time is going to go by. They tossed Roland next to you and a dog is going to run up to the party. And stop awkwardly and end up stepping on Lee, but just like a little bit. And then just start licking Lee's face. And then this dog is going to take off again. Coward. I need one of you to roll a one d four to see how many hours you guys are going to be laying in this field. I can do it. All right. Two hours. An hour is going to go by and the sun is just baking you all. And that dog is going to run up again. And as Lee is laying there, just kind of like partially conscious as Luna is just licking her face.

Lee's going to hear a voice. Oh, no. Oh, oh, oh, OK. OK. OK. And there's a cart. You're going to hear a cart roll up like a like a rickety, just this beat up cart. And you're going to hear it stop. And Jerry is going to run over to where Luna is and and just kind of kneel down next to Lee. Are you OK? Can you hear me? And he's going to look at the the broken arms. OK. Oh, OK. OK. He's going to try and set this. He's going to say you have a OK, so you have a broken leg like he's going to try and set your leg now. Jerry, for all of you Jerry fans out there, he will be in the adventures guide to see who he's going to be in the preview.

The Kickstarter launch is August 28th, and you'll be able to get stats. But for everybody listening now, this is new to me. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're doing it. Jerry stats are nine nine nine nine nine nine nine. So he has a negative one to his and he's not trained in medicine, but he has heard. He has heard that if so, all he has to do is roll a 17 or higher. You remember when we rolled for our crew and we are so, hey, this is about a good average crew. Well, this is why you grade on a curve because of Jerry. Yeah, yeah. Jonas is up here. There is one member of the crew, Amanda.

Amanda, I'm looking at your name. Fancy. So not quite. He got close. So he's going to jerk on your leg and that's going to wake Lee up. And he's like, are you better? Can you walk? She will wake up with like a short screen, but you know, keep it back and just go. And then she'll look up and see the derpy face of Luna and the stupid face of Jerry. Like, am I in hell? I'm in hell. This is hell. And just lay back down and close her eyes and just say, this is hell, this is hell. He's going to stand up and like kind of pet Luna. Good girl, good girl. I think she's OK.

And he's going to run to the next person and he's going to try this with each one of you. So get ready. Let's do Tuck next. Wonderful. You should save Tuck's little ass, you might kill him in an accident. Four. So he's going to twist the leg a bit and he's like close and he's going to run to Tobin. I feel like he's going to really takes a swing and misses because he's running. The good news is you're up an hour early because that's that had to wake you up. So he's going to run over to Tobin and see that that left arm. He's like, this is going to be tricky.

Boom. Oh, 14 so close. So he's going to yank on that shoulder a couple of times, trying to lethal weapon it back in place. And it's just not it's not it's like, OK. And he's going to run. He's going to he's he's going to look over to Luna. It's like, OK, I got it. OK, I got to do Miss Gray, right? Because she was very upset. This this is my chance. OK, come here, girl. And he's going to motion for Luna to come over. And Luna and Jerry are like this now, like Luna went to get Jerry. Like there's something about there's kindred spirit, Jerry Grossman and Luna.

Like it's something about him about Jerry. This is Mandy's worst nightmare. It is when I said this is how this is Mandy's house. This is to help keep that immersion up, though, Mandy. OK, so here we go. He's due, guys. He's due for a high roll. He is going to grab Delphine's leg. OK, OK. Wait, come here. He's going to bring Luna over and he's going to tie rope to her collar and attach it to his belt. He's like, OK, when I say go, I want you to run in that direction. OK, we're going to really yank. OK, here we go. I don't know if you have advantage or disadvantage.

You know what? Now, just a flat ass roll. Here we go, guys. Go! And Luna is going to take off running. He's almost going to fall backwards because she's bred for pulling. Here we go, baby. Oh, ten. Not quite. Not there. Not there. That is going to wake Delphine up. Yeah, she's going to wake up and scream, "Fuck!" Oh, boss, you're awake. OK, I'm I'm going to load you onto this cart. We're going to we're going to take you to a cleric. Wait, you're a cleric. OK, so I almost fixed everybody, but not quite. So if you want to... Here, hold on. And he's going to take this mason jar off of his pouch and try to try to try to get...

You need to hydrate. Take some of this. And it's like a... Well, I think we should roll on a table to see what it is. I hope it's not sauce. It better not be fucking sauce. It's more of a bisque, but yeah, like it's it's... Can I get a d10, please? Can it be a broth? Well, we're going to see. Roll the sauce table. What are we rolling? D10. Unless you want to go wacky and go d20. Oh, no, d20 has some healing properties on the other end of it, though. Nine. OK, so... Tires good? Yes. So this is what he's made is lemonade, but Jerry's lemonade. So this is a bunch of lemons cut up and jammed in a mason jar and it's filled with water.

And then he bakes it. So this is hot lemonade. He's trying to get Delphine to drink. He's just missing some spices and it'd be pretty good, actually. Yeah, he's getting closer. All right. Getting closer. And the lemon... It's electrolytes, right? Like you got to get... Yeah. What's... I'm assuming he's just like he's like just shoving it in her face. Yeah, like he's cradling your head and trying to... Just open wide. I'll pour it in. Don't worry. Just relax your throat. What does it smell like? It smells a lot like lemons. Just mostly lemons. Just like. Yeah. So like the like the rind is falling apart because it's been baked and there's like it's pulpy bits kind of floating in there like seeds.

He didn't take out the seeds yet. Oh, I was gonna say like I imagine like at first it's like, you know, that thing you do where you're like, I don't know if I should swallow this or not, like and it's like, oh, actually, it's not bad. It's not getting better. Like could use refinement. OK. You know what, though? I'm going to say I'm going to say it. We got a second chance. You know. I'm like at a character, right? Everybody everybody is going to be like, I fucking told you, Jerry, to save the day. Well, we could just kill him right now. I am just I can just hear the discourse.

And I can I tell you, if not for you, OK, can I tell you if not for the dog, he would not have known you were here. It was only because of Luna. It was only because that's why it's a cursed item, because it brought. It's it's Mandy's worst version of everything that this dog is going to do. The worst day ever. I think Tobin is going to like sit up. Right. But he's he's going to grab his left arm like, oh, shit. And then he looks and sees Jerry. Oh, Jerry. Oh, hey, bud. No hard feelings. Right. How are you doing? You look good. He's he's going to run over. Hey, Tob, Tob.

And he is going to he's got bandages and he's just going to start wrapping them around your arm. There's no splint or anything. He's just going to start like just like, OK, I'm going to make this nice and tight. Don't you worry. Everything's going to be fine. And he's just he's going to he's going to keep tightening it like over and over. Let me get a strength check on this. Let's see what like. I want to resist. Yeah, sure. But I'm rolling strength with disadvantage, right? Because it has to do with my hands. The highest role he's gotten all night. That's an 18.

So he's he's got he's got he's got Jerry strength. He's got like that's a seven. Yeah. So like I imagine the shock of it being pulled is like like it's you're in so much pain that it's like like and he's like. All right. All right. There you go. Come on. Get up. I'm going to just hop in the cart here. And that guy's feet are all broken. Like, come on. And he's going to help you to the cart. Luna's going to jump into the cart and run her head into your head. Over and over again, just trying to like she's trying to lick you, but like that hand eye coordination is a little off.

So like she's not aware of how what her hitbox is. So she just keeps running into you. I hate that happens in games when the collision just doesn't work right. You know, it looks like we fixed in the next patch. Any VR game on us. Yeah, well, there's some good ones, but I know I know. Yeah. I mean, the early ones. Are we all in the car? Slowly but surely, he's getting everybody. Everyone, everyone else has broken legs, so it takes a little bit longer and he's like he's going to go ahead and lean on me. It's fine. Oh, I go ahead and try to set my own leg. I mean, here's the thing.

Jerry can assist, but like he's got it. You need you. It's your own bone, right? You don't have the leverage. So he can like here's what you could do. Assist Jerry and he'll get you'll get advantage. Tell him what to do. I mean, he did get a 19 or 18. Sorry. This is his heart. Yeah. OK, before it because I feel like it's going to be more painful to like move before it's that late. Yes, it's bad. Yes. I don't know a lot about broken bones, but like I feel like that's like common knowledge. What you don't want to do is walk on it. Right. OK. Or jostle it too much. So what's your pitch to Jerry?

I'm going to call him over and be like, Jerry, get over here. He's really straight. He was starting to pick up Lee. And as soon as you call, he's going to drop Lee and come over and. And she's just been slowly dawning horror of this dog hitting her in the head and Jerry being there and just she's going to just be clutching her leg and just staring just like, oh, no, this is real. She'll just slum there. And this isn't a concussion. No, I'm going to I'm going to tell Ben I was going to walk over and look at Lee and then like try and help her because I can walk.

So I'm like, hey, you want me to try and I point to the leg. And yeah, she'll just not this day cannot get any worse. Like maybe, you know, some sort of like secret monk stuff like I definitely I definitely have not trained in medicine. But I would think that just to justify this plus two that I do have, I broke bones in the most way. Others have done what he did to me, but not as gross as this. Like it was more small. Like, here's your wrist broken, dumb kid. So it's a medicine check. So you're going to you're going to hover over Lee and just. Yeah. Yeah. 16.

That is going to set this. Nice. Yeah. And just kind of puts his nonbroken hand over the leg and he says, tell me about your wife. And as she starts to talk, he does. She'll she'll be just saying, like, very pretty. Thank you. You got it. And he was to talk and he'll walk over looking at him. Hey, big guy. Yeah. This is going to hurt. So I already does. It's going to hurt worse. Just try and think good thoughts, you know, like the good time we had at that place. Good food we've had on the road. And then I'm going to pull the leg. Let's do it, baby. Better. I hope this works.

I'm sorry. Nope. Oh, shit. OK, that's a crit one. So what's going to happen is you're going to break his leg in three places. Oh, I'm sorry, Michael. This leg is borked like I dare say this might be a compound fracture, like bone might be sticking out of the leg at this point. Like it's bad. I dropped what I'm doing and I look around like with a hand behind my. Whoa, you're better. I'm going to be like, I'll get it in a second. I'll get it. Hold on. So Jerry is going to. Wait, can we use my modifier? Because my modifier. Yeah, but you're not the one doing the right.

But like all you need to do is pull in a certain way. You know what? We use half your modifier. OK, what's your modifier? My modifier is a five. So it's let's do two because he has a negative one. All right. So I'm glad. So but it's with advantage because you're you're you're you're teaching it. You're like, OK, here's how you do it. Yeah. I would be like, OK, this is we're going to see how I'm lining this up and this and that. And I'm like, do exactly this when I tell you. OK. Look, I know you probably already have a cook now, but maybe ship medic. Like maybe after this, I can apprentice under you and I could practice on the cat like the cat isn't a person.

So that's like if the cat has any injuries, that is, we don't want to injure like I don't want to like, hey, let's do this. And he's just going to yank. Oh, my God. Sixteen. We're going to drop that nine to take a fourteen. He's going to yank and you're going to hear a. By the way, everybody, I know this isn't how broken bones work. It's fantasy. This is so that they are not laid up for six weeks because that's a boring campaign. So I might be you're going to be very hurt and sore. No, we're going to I'll pay for regeneration. I'll find we'll go pay the cleric because we're not going to have a boat anymore.

So. Oh, God, we're going to find a boat. Oh, I don't think it'll be able to sail on them. So. Oh, boy. So we got it. Jerry's going to run over to talk. Miss Delphine, he's got outside bones. I'm going to ask him to tell him to help me over. Yeah, he's going to he's going to. And as they come over, Toby's going to be like, yeah, man, they really do a number on him. I don't know what they did here. I'm just like, not partially. But I still don't feel like she'd have good enough leverage, right, because like, I can't put any weight on my other. I mean, yeah, I mean, you could at least put the bone back in the body.

You can like, let's fix that part. So I mean, why don't we just do like a mask your wounds and everyone can. Yeah. Get a little bit. Yeah. So that'll get them good enough. You can get back to town and shit. So that's. Yeah. So. Roland's going to start to come to and just like some of his fingers are bent the other way, like they're fucked. Like there was there was a movie called 187 with Samuel L. Jackson, if you watch it. And there's one of the gang members gets knocked out and all of his fingers are broken when he wakes up. So they're all just like fanned out.

It's gruesome. I'm the rated movie, right? Like it's a good movie. Yeah. Almost anything. Sam Jackson's in though is great. Except for Snake Town of Lain. Oh, OK. That ain't his fault. You know, you know what you're getting into. You paid for that. You're wrong. Like that's like. Yeah. He's like, let me test how much you like me. Enough. I watched it. Has Roland's feeling? With the temperature like on the... He's so he's like you're going to see him like start to stir, but like both of his hands are kind of cradled up next to his chest and just like just like he's in a lot of pain.

And he's going to look around and he's going to see Delphine and he's going to push up with his wrists and try to get to his knees and scoot over to her. Are you OK? I'll pick him up. I'll rush over and I'll pick him up and bring him closer. She's going to like immediately grab one of his hands and like, I mean, yeah. I think I'll just I just just just want to look at them. They're not good. Just say I I'm not OK, but I think I'm better than what you've got going on right now. I'm so sorry. They they grabbed me in town. I didn't know. He's because he feels guilty, like he was the reason.

Well, I mean, it's like, oh, this like he assumes they used him as bait to get you out here. Yeah, we did. Well, I mean, he don't know. Well, I think it wasn't it's not your fault. I I we thought that you were meeting with a with a client. I honestly didn't know you were here until after. Jerry's going to load you up on this this shitty wagon. Honestly, it's kind of it slopes down like 30 degrees, so you've got to keep scooching back every once in a while as it bounces up and down as the donkey takes you back into like it's slow because it's not meant to carry this much weight.

So you're moving like leaning off the edge. Yeah. Honestly, it would be quicker if you got out and walked. I want to try and figure out, really. Hey, what happened to you after the ship? How did you get this cart? Oh, well, that's a pretty funny story, actually. So I ended up they called it unskilled labor and I carried the boxes to other stacks of boxes. And I did that for a while. And then they said my debt was paid. And then, well, I I I was walking around town because I didn't you know, I didn't have no place else to go. All my stuff was on the ship. So so I tried to work at the restaurant and I don't I don't think they can really appreciate the level of culinary expertise that I'm bringing, but I think they'll come around eventually.

But anyway, I entered this contest and I ended up winning this donkey and the cart and I figured I'd start a small business. So and he's going to keep talking. OK, Tobin, until you yeah, until you stop him, he will keep talking. Tobin just like, uh huh. Yeah. Every like five minutes. Wow. Crazy, Jerry. Wow. Oh, man. And I am sitting up front with my arm. I'm going to I'm going to assume that Tobin takes he took the bandages and put them into like a mock. I like to make sure it's right. And so he'll be at the front of the way and just kind of also keeping an eye on him like when they get to Westport, he's like, please don't let the ship be on fire.

Please don't let the ship be on fire. And as this rickety cart bounces up and down, hitting little tufts of grass and rock, Luna is going to run and jump into the back of the cart and hover over one of you. Let's roll a die. I don't know which. Uh, one's Tobin, two's Lee, three's Delphine, four's Takkar. Oh, Tobin. Shit. So she's going to sidle up right about here. Right, right, right about like four or five inches from your face and just just breathing. And you know what? It's not like the breath stinks. It's just hot. And she's going to drool like a continuous stream of drool, like, like you left a faucet on and you can hear it all night.

And she's going to keep doing that. And I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening, guys. Amazing. You knew what you were doing the whole time. I didn't like dude, I this is this. I love this because this reeks of like, get fucked next time. Don't don't think so highly I love this is like, I love this. This is perfect. We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors. Please don't go anywhere. As you can hear, we're all really excited about where this is going for the gray. We're already scheduling our next session. And I have no idea how they're going to handle this, but it's a genuine setback and they all seemed really excited about it.

It's something that we're kind of getting to do for the first time in this arc. But we want to know what you think. Send us an email to dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's dandrpodcast@gmail.com. Or you can visit our Reddit, you can visit our Facebook group, you can visit our Discord for just $1 a month on our Patreon at patreon.com/dandr. You get a bunch of extra content behind the scenes stuff and it starts at $1. It helps support the show, it helps keep us doing what we do. And it gets you ad free versions of the shows at $5. With that, I'm going to let you guys go.

Thank you so much for listening. Thank you for your support. We hope you have a fantastic week. And of course, until next time, good luck with your games.