Knock Knock

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[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. This is brought to you by Fruity Pebbles. Add some creativity to your mornings with Cocoa Pebbles. With rich chocolatey flavor to feed big inspirations, Cocoa Pebbles turns the world into a playground, making breakfast a delightful canvas for creativity.

Explore a world of culinary adventures and transform ordinary pancakes into chocolatey masterpieces. So what are you going to yabba-dabba-do next? Head to postpebbleserial.com to learn more. Yabba-dabba-do in the Flintstones and all related characters and elements, copyright, and trademark, Hannah and Barbara. Uh-- [GROANING] Let's do that thing one more time with the overseers where we-- we go over in the table to introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the dungeon master going around the table. Start with Xavier. Hi, I'm Xavier. Oh, could you hear that? The belly just went rumbly.

It was very loud. [LAUGHTER] Hi, I'm Xavier, and I am playing Dr. Bell, the Lizardfolk Rogue. We're using that whole take. It's fine. It's really-- I know. I know you. I think it puts-- I think it puts listeners in a mindset of-- It's not a DNR intro if it-- if it doesn't last five minutes. [LAUGHTER] And Jasp-- Hello, I'm Jasper. I play Flos Valal, the Archmage Barbarian. And Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie, and I play Linda Wright, the badass bitch owner of the Twin Oaks mining company, ready to kick some ass and break some fourth walls. Oh, she's a human bard.

Got 'em. #bossbabes. We have our first quitter of the day, like we just said. Oh, shit. Hey, we're going to keep it all in. That's how we do it here. I'm ordering right now. I'm ordering. I'm ordering. That one-- [LAUGHTER] I'm ordering my Indian food. Linda's here to girlboss and gaslight. That's nice. That's good. Yeah, edit that in. Do you want me to do Jameson's? Yeah. Val-- I've been Jameson before. I have the experience. Do it, do it, do it, do it quick. Hi, I'm Jameson. I play cave, luring, the human barbarian. No. Fuck. Warlock. There you go. And I have children and a beard.

So-- Children and beard. Those are the two things I think of when I think of Jameson. Can I ask a question? Was-- Of course. Was the little slurpy sound? Was that an improv decision? Or was that based on something-- That's a Jameson quirk, yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah, Jameson does that-- sometimes his mouth just fills up with saliva, and he's got to put it back in there. That is how he starts a lot of book meetings. He's like, OK, everybody, let's get going. Let's get going. Let me slurp down these noodles, everybody. He's just constantly shoveling ramen into his face.

Yeah, some udon. These are soba noodles. Just establishing dominance in those calls. And Jameson. Hi, I'm Jameson, and I play Cave Loring. He's a human and a warlock. So, oh, boy, we have a lot to cover today, obviously. And we're not leaving this session until we cover it. That could be hours. We don't know. But here's what we do know. You have made the decision to go tackle harm and hail, hail extractions head on. Like, you're done with this. You're not playing the long game anymore. You're also kind of tossing the idea back and forth about becoming the mob, which is an even loftier goal.

You know that the two enforcers that are left alive might betray you at some point, at least according to Slitthroat, who may or may not be reliable in that regard. Slitthroat seems fine. He's there to appraise gems for you, and he's probably not going to be too direct in fighting. He might, you know, he might be around. But if he dies, you kind of lose your meal ticket. So we're going to pick up here after you fought that beholder. And a couple of people died, but they weren't you. So that's fantastic. Are you looking to catch a rest or just keep going?

Where are we in terms of like how close we are to coming? Because didn't we like just leave? No, you weren't. I mean, you weren't that far away, but it wasn't like just outside the city limits. Let me get you guys the map. All right. Is Jason frozen or just very still? No, no, no, very still. I'm very still. I'm sorry. You're so still. I was like, uh-oh. I could sit like this for hours. I'm a natural predator. Yeah, watch him do it. It's amazing. Watch him do it. Do your trick. Do your trick. I put you guys right about here, which means you have about another day's travel.

Oh, boy. That's rough for us. That's real. A lot has happened in a half a day travel. So-- Well, checking my notes, you guys do have a travel die. Oh, boy. So if you used a travel die right now, let's say you roll a one. It's like, OK, you just get to your destination. And we'll assume that at some point you took a long rest and everything. If you roll more than a one, you'd be more prepared for this fight. You'd be a little more well rested. You'd maybe have a little bit of a time to put together a little stakeout, like see who's coming and going type of thing.

Up to you guys. I like that idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's use that dice. Couple of things I'd like to do before we go, if that's OK. I do want to roll the die. But I do want to-- first of all, Cave is going to check in with Bastard. Oh, OK. Where's Bastard? And then he says that, where's Bastard? That's actually-- that's like, hey, Alexa. That's his ringtone. Yeah, exactly. Where's Bastard? Yeah, right. I mean-- Is this the thing where you're calling in front of other people, or you just moved away? Did you care at this point? No, I don't care. OK, I just wanted to know if you're-- Yeah.

Hey, what's up, boss? Hey, where are you? I'm at the place. You wanted me to stay. Yeah. So what's going on? Where's everybody? What are they doing? Why are they doing it? You haven't checked in with me at all. What's wrong with you? You know, I have other things to do besides checking with you. I have a life outside. I have reading. You actually-- you have nothing to do besides what I tell you to do, and you know that. Yeah. I feel like we're getting away from the point, though. What's going on? All right, fine. A bunch of people are dead. I'm going to level with you.

OK. We did lose some people. We may have some quitters. There are some people who feel as though recently the death toll has exceeded what might be acceptable. And with no health insurance, they seem to be on the verge of walking out. Now, this could be solved if something were done about the people who murdered a bunch of people here. Sure, yeah. OK. Yeah. OK, follow-up question. Where's Cobb? Is he still alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's around. I mean, he's not here. What does that mean? Well, OK. You remember how I said everybody's really kind of down in the dumps about this whole thing?

Yeah. Well, Cobb kind of had an idea, and he kind of hitched a ride. The last thing I know, he was going to Hale's place. Are you not at Hale's place, where I told you to be? I'm on the way, but like, it's, you know, it's far. Yeah, it is far. And if you were there, we'd have a lot more information right now than we actually do. So you're just sitting on the camp and looking at people who are just kind of kicking dirt and hanging out? I'm above the camp. Like, I'm, you know, I'm-- it's a bird's eye view. OK, so Cobb hitched a ride, and that's the last thing you ever saw of Cobb.

Well, he did have a big backpack full of stuff. Yeah, explosive stuff, I imagine. Probably, yeah. Yeah, OK. So here's what I need you to do. All right. Go find Cobb. OK. Whatever book you're reading, put it down. Go find Cobb. OK, I was being a little facetious, cutesy. But seriously, there's a big thing with the Raider Deities Demons thing. I need to talk to you about it. But I could find Cobb first, if you really want me to. I really want you to. I think-- Fine. OK, great. Cool. Thank you. And I'll just close the connection. [LAUGHTER] God damn it. Walk away being like, ah, it's-- you know when somebody gets off a bad phone call and they're mad, but not at anybody in their immediate vicinity, so they just kind of are mad?

Yeah. [LAUGHTER] That's me. Cool. So I guess we can roll a travel die, and Cave can just be mad about it. So I'm curious, though. As we're about to travel, where are we headed? Are we headed-- are we on a beeline to Harmons? Are we on a beeline-- are we going back to Twin Oaks to gather whatever we need to gather and then head there? What's our-- what's our-- I thought-- and somebody correct me if I'm wrong-- I thought we were going straight to Harmons. We're just going, baby. Yeah. Yeah, I don't see why not. Yeah. My understanding was this is a kick the doors down.

Anybody who gets in our way getting to Harmon is done. That's what it feels like. Yeah. OK. And on that note, last time I think I was being cute by saying, oh, I'm not going to expend resources healing the NPCs. And then they were like, yeah, they're in very bad shape, and they'll stay that way. So if we roll high enough on that die, maybe Dr. Bell keeps healing them every day a little bit just to get to full life, maybe, if we get to the camp. Sure. A Band-Aid here or there, a little rubbing alcohol. Yeah. OK. Well, my next question is, who's going to do it?

Who's going to give me that travel die? Oh, it's Linda. I want it to be Linda. Isn't it? Linda. It's a D4, right? It is a D4. OK. Oh, come on. Linda. Come on, Linda. Was it Linda? I think that's a four. It's a three. It's a three. So OK, here's what we're going to do. First of all, let's give you guys a long rest. Let's heal up those wounds. Feels good. Boom, bam, look at that. Love it. I'm going to do one more thing for you guys. I want each of you to do me a favor and take one skill from your arsenal and tell me how you're going to use that skill to prepare you guys for this fight.

Now, you've been on the road for days and days. And you've managed to kind of scope things out. You kind of understand the basic layout of this place from the hilltops. But going around the table, starting with Linda, pick a skill. Can you tell me how you're going to use that to help out? The only caveat is you can't reuse skills. So once a teammate uses a skill, you've got to pick something else, starting with Val. Go ahead. Will we be rolling these skills? You sure will. Oh, OK. Yeah. That changes things. Linda wants to make sure that this gets done and gets done correctly so we just don't have to deal with it ever again.

So she's going to use perception to try and make sure that we all understand the layout of Harman's place, how many people he's working with, the best way for us to go in there and just take him out. That makes sense to me. Do me a favor. Give me a perception roll. OK. Oh. Nice. 25. That was almost a 1. Jameson, same thing. So one of the things that Cave is going to do during the rest of the time we spend traveling, he turns inward. He spends a lot of time grumbling to himself. But one of the things he does is he makes it a point to go over to the two remaining knee breakers, Tim Thor.

And do we have a name for the other dude, the other survivor guy? I'll have to put you on the spot. No. Let's go with Thor Tim. Perfect. Sure. Of course. It's a local thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's a Newbery custom. So he goes to Tim Thor and Thor Tim. And he's going to use a persuasion to convince them to fully join us. Obviously, you guys were set up to fail. There was no way that Clamato had your best interest in mind. If you can work for us, we'll absolutely have you be part of the team. Plus, if you sign here, I'll take care of those pesky souls and you can become warlocks.

Let's see how intriguing that offer is. Some roll persuasion. 15. 15 is not bad. 15 is like-- I think it's made a little stronger by the fact that two of them have died. Yeah, exactly. Be like, look at those guys. Oh, wait, they're gone. They're in the dirt. You can't look at those guys. So it's one of those things where you're pitching-- it's like, OK, Clamato didn't have your best interest at heart. So you're kind of pitching deceit. And Tim Thor's current headspace is absolute paranoia. He, I think, I can get on the warlock train because it's basically like, hey, man, I've been where you are.

Everything's trying to kill you. That's been my entire existence for the past five years. You know what I did about it? I nutted up and I got a job. And here's what I got out of it. And he'll just play a power and such. I think I can get Tim Thor on the warlock train. With a 15, I think you might be able to. OK. So, OK. Xavier. This is all just preparation, right? OK. I think just to be fully ready when the time comes so that nobody's taken by surprise. He's going to use the art of sleight of hand to fully deck out himself and others with hidden weapons. He's going to put his his thieves tools on his own person, the poison he picked up, everything that could give you an advantage if in a-- like pocket sand.

He's like, I want everybody to come here, open your pockets. And he like leaves the ground and grabs like handful of sand. And yeah, he's going to-- every trick we can hide, anything we can do, including the cart, the armor, anything, we'll try to prepare and make a plan with that. I like that. I like that. Give me sleight of hand. 26. OK. All right. No, no, no. There's a reason I paused. I'm thinking of a couple of diehard-esque guns strapped to your back situation. Yes, exactly. There you go. Like Floss's hammer taped on his back. That's probably more noticeable.

Speaking of which, Floss. So you know how they say you can go out and, for example, practice free throws for basketball, and you do that in the park or at a gym or whatever. But it actually is just as important to sit there, maybe as you're falling asleep or as you're just meditating or whatever, and actually think about doing it. And that actually is very, very helpful in the actual process itself. So Floss is going to be thinking about-- his body has been very weird to him for a very long time. Every time he fights, it's like a washing machine with a boulder stuck in it.

And he's going to be practicing this kind of like leaping kind of a thing, like leaping and smacking at the same time. So basically, I'm getting down to an athletics check, is what it comes down to. And that's basically it. He's practicing. He's basically, I'm going to be the best fighter I can possibly be about whenever. If this is going to happen, I'm going to make it happen. OK. You mean athletics, please. All right. Oh. You're kidding me. For real? An eight? That was an eight. Well, that's great. Well, all is not lost. At least it wasn't his intelligence. Jesus, that was a negative 18.

Linda Chapman, do me a favor. Roll a d4 for me. Four. One. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to go ahead and level you guys up three times. Oh my god. Because of your roles in prepping and all that stuff, we're going to do something a bit unprecedented here. Because this is going to be a big, nasty slog. You're going to have to fight your way through this complex and make decisions along the way. And as you do so, the entire goal is to get up to the guy who's most protected. So this is going to be your old-fashioned, kill-everything-that-gets-in-our-way siege.

So everybody levels up three times. Yep. OK. Cool. Didn't want to hog it. OK, so I'll take it as-- you know, Floss, this is perfect. His wiring is all wrong. So he's like, I'm going to figure out how to jump a little bit-- pounce on people. And it actually just means that he just leveled up three times. He doesn't know what he did. And anybody who feels like they're ready to go? Oh god. I don't even know. I didn't believe you would do this to me, Jason. I specifically wanted to do this to you this way. Oh, oh, from 8 to 11, right? Yep. Oh, baby. OK, I'll go. I'll go.

Please do. Fast track it. After these messages, we'll be right back. [WHISTLE] All right, are we ready? We're all good? All good. So you guys are on a hilltop looking over Harmon Hale's place. And this is a big operation. There's lots of people moving around. There are these huge, huge crates, barrels, and stuff like that. It's a weird layout compared to yours, because yours is basically a big dirt surface. There's gravel and stuff everywhere, and there are people moving around, but not nearly as many, especially now. But you basically have one cave system that you are invested in just because of the amount of people you have.

Harmon's got pits everywhere, and there's this weird, almost like a village overlooking his mines and stuff. So he has a community of people that live there, and it's kind of built on top of this lake. So there's these pits of deep water everywhere with these almost like boardwalk trails leading in different directions. So you could see yourself not getting lost in there, but kind of getting panned in depending on where you choose to move. So you're going to have to be careful. So bastard's going to fly in and kind of meet up with Gabe. Hey, boss. Hey, so what did you find?

OK, so here's the situation. You see that front gate there? And there's a big front gate where they're very obviously heavily guarded right now. So I don't think it's a secret that you might retaliate. They got the place locked down. No new people in or out. But just before that order went out, Cobb did plant a bunch of explosives just under the floorboards of this gate. OK. There's a little bit of a problem. OK. He can't get back in there now. OK. So how do you want to deal with this? Because if he could get back in there, he could set off those-- really kick this thing off.

Do you know-- OK. I'm going to ask a question I know the answer to. Do you know how those bombs work? No. OK, yeah. So what I need for you to do is have Cobb tell you how those bombs work, and then you, with your little invisible-making self, go in there and set them off. That's a horseshit plan. Why is that a horseshit plan? You can literally make it so that you're not seen by anybody, and you opt to not be useful with it? No, I mean, I'm-- what if I blow up? I mean, I'll resummon you. You know I can do that. You know that hurts like hell. Well, you know what?

A lot of this hurts like hell. You know what really hurts like hell is having my business stolen out from under my feet while I'm on vacation in Newbury. You've changed since you got that armor. I'm just going to tell you. Yeah, well, you know what? You have no idea. I'm being nice right now. So why don't you go find Cobb, wherever he's hiding, have him explain to you probably the extremely simple machinations of this bomb. And then I'm sure that a little birdie will be able to get in there and set him off. And get out in time, because I'm sure that you're sly enough to save your own skin.

Fine. When do you want me to do it? Great question. And he'll look over at the others. I almost feel like-- well, so what's surrounding this place? There's a main gate. So that to me implies that there's a wall around this whole thing. There is a wall around this place. Here's the thing that you've gathered. There are a lot of independent workers. There's a lot of people here doing this on their own accord. There are some slaves. So as much as they want to keep people out, they're also trying to keep people in. The barbed wire is pointed in two directions here.

Yeah. So Cave's going to turn and look at the rest, specifically though at Chapman, and say, if we make enough noise at the front, do you think you could sneak around the back and find another way in? Because I'm happy to make as much noise as possible to make it so nobody's looking at whoever's going to slink up and stab this dude in the back. Well, I know what you are thinking. I'm not an assassin, per se. I'm not used to breaking into places and hiding. I could try. I'm nimble. That's for certain. Yeah, so I guess my question is, would you be of more use up front with us making a lot of noise?

Because-- and he'll kind of nod at the front gate-- there's going to be a lot of noise. Or would you be of more use with that noise as a distraction, finding another way in, perhaps unnoticed? Real life thinking. Yeah, asking because I don't know the answer, I guess. Honest answer, Cave? I think I'd better be making noise with you. OK. And he'll glance over to Linda. Same question. Well, I was thinking there's two ways we could make an entrance. We could start with me just knocking on the door, seeing if someone answers. And then, when that doesn't work, then we blow it all up.

Or we blow it all up first, and then we all get to walk in like we're really cool. So my question is this. I knock on the door on doors where I want to make friends. I don't feel like we're trying to make friends. Like, he stole from us. That is true. And he called me a bitch. I don't think I knew that. Now I'm furious. Floss pulls his hammer out and-- into his hand whenever you say that. Also, he then asks, Miss Linda, serious question. What time of day is it right now? I'm so glad you asked that question. Jason, what time is it? High noon. It's a great time to go kill him.

It's high noon, Floss. Fantastic. Let's say hello, and then kill this bitch. Linda gives some snaps to Floss. Linda agrees. So what am I doing here, boss? Oh, no. Linda says, oh, no. Oh, Cabbage Patch, what to do with you? You know what? OK, I think Slitthroat can really just lead the charge in from this side with the explosives. And me and whoever wants to join me are going to go round back and strangle the man with our bare hands. OK, we'll turn and look at Slitthroat. I forgot you were here. What's he doing? Is he just posing majestically on the-- Oh, yeah.

I mean, you're on a hilltop at high noon. The wind's kicking up. Yeah. The wind, yeah. He hasn't spoken in probably 15 minutes. Don't turn to look at him and be like, get down here. What are you doing? You're like a flag billowing in the wind. [LAUGHTER] Half-mouth. You barely say, I want them to see me coming. Yeah, well, your solemn duty right now, Mr. Slit-- and he's going to point to Linda-- is to keep her alive. She's your charge, do you understand? So I should stick close to her. That would be-- Or he doesn't have to do that, actually. You can protect from a distance.

How about that? Shadow her, be her guardian angel. I am the shadows. There we go. He will give not like a bro nod, but like the bro grimace, like, mm, and try to get on that wavelength with him. I want him on board. I want him in on this program. [LAUGHTER] So he's going to-- so his job would probably be like cover fire here and there and stuff like that. Yeah, exactly. Just to kind of-- Linda's going to try to infiltrate through the back. Then he's going to also do that, but stay back and exactly cover fire type deal. So it sounds like everyone has a job.

I'm going to look at Timothor and Thor-Tim. Either of them-- did both of them take my warlock offer? Here's the thing. With 15, I think it behooves them. I think it's one of those things where Timothor is right on board. Thor-Tim might have taken a little bit more time. He's a company man. But just two of them died. And-- For nothing. Yeah, for nothing. Like what reason do they have, really? Right. Exactly. It's either that, or we just kill them right there. And if the second guy hesitated, he probably would have brought it to that. Or we could just kill you. So he'll kind of glance over to them and be like, you guys up for a badass entrance?

You going to look cool? I think you're not going to get a big rah-rah team. But it's like, yeah, you know, hey. Just like, let's do it. Like, you guys are killing me. Look over at Floss and Chapman. I'm sorry, what's Chapman's new name? Dr. Bell. Dr. Bell. And we'll look over at Floss and Bell and be like, you guys are down. Tell me where to be, Mr. Cave. OK. So yeah, back over to Bastard and say, all right. You go talk to Cobb. You figure out how to get in there unseen. You set off those bombs. If he can get out alive, bonus. And then just find a way to screw with them.

I give you leave to screw with these people, specifically the dangerous ones holding weapons, as much as you want, after the bomb goes off. Floss, by the way, as you're doing this, is trying to get Bastard's attention. And he's kind of waving, sort of like they're buddies. Hello, hello, hello. And then he does say before he takes off, find me if you need me. Let me be clear, boss, just so I understand the directions. You're saying I can do whatever I want to screw with them. Really? Yeah, not to the workers, not to the slaves, to anybody with weapons who's trying to kill me and these guys.

Yeah, do whatever you want. I don't care. OK, so you remember that big thing I was trying to tell you, deities, demons, big change over all that? Yeah, I vaguely recall it, sure. OK, well, looks like for the time being, no one's really around. So no one's limiting powers to little old me. Right this second. So there's a chance I could really tap into some really crazy shit. OK. So I'm allowed to do that. Yeah, you know what? As long as it's only-- again, I'm going to stress this, and I feel like I can't stress it enough. The people that we want dead and not the people we don't want dead, then go nuts.

I don't care. OK, bye. After the explosion. [LAUGHTER] Like he's going to start to hover, and just-- just gone. He kind of glances over. He's like, there's a 50% chance that goes the way I asked it to go. Mr. Cave, I'm not sure I followed any of that at all. Not actually any of it. But is this the new Twin Oaks that he's going to point at the gates? Once we're done, this will be part of it. Fantastic. He'll, once again, sort of brandish his hammer in hand and look longingly at the gates. Yeah. So here's the goal. This is a hostile takeover. The business down there in Hill Point is ours.

It was made to be ours when somebody tried to take over our business. And they failed. So we are now going to take this business. Anybody who objects to that by way of violence will be violenced on until there's no more violence. And we will now be in possession of hail extractions. And show of hands, if that's as cool with everybody. And he'll hold his hand up. Thunder raises her hand. Floss puts his hammer on the ground and raises both hands. Yeah. Dr. Bell kind of tries to mimic Floss, kind of like a method actor. He kind of inspects how Floss moves. And he's like, all right, he gets in the role.

So he'll do the both hands. He'll glance over at our other three, Timothor, Thorotim, and Slitthroat. You guys on board? Big promotions for everybody who's successful if you survive this. Oh, Slitthroat's so on board. Yeah. And he'll give him that squint, the Clint Eastwood squinting, and be like, you know what to do. [LAUGHTER] So that I understand, are you going in the front or the back? We're going-- well, so everybody except for Linda and Slitthroat is going through the front after the explosion. Linda and Slitthroat are going around the back, trying to find another way in.

While we're making noise, they're going to sneak in. OK. With the goal specifically to find Harmon, correct? I believe so, yeah. Linda's going straight for Harmon, right? Yeah. Well, extra bonus objective, like taking over the mine, taking the mine under control, and making it a Twin Oaks asset. Yeah, I mean, if we do as little property damage as possible. Yeah. It's going to be hard to have them as business competitors after this. Exactly. We can rely on the dwarven mine for competition after this, hopefully. Or we just go take them over next. Who knows? No, no, no.

They're just-- they're the workforce. Yeah, exactly. We just hire them to manage everything. You have a new place to live. Yeah. And here it is. It's called-- it used to be called Harmon Hill Attractions, and now it's yours. We're cleaning out the bodies still, but it's yours. Tick. Cool. So I feel like we've got our plan, right? Through bastard's eyes, because Cave has that power, I want to watch his-- we don't have to play through it all, but I want to watch his negotiation with Cobb and watch him as he goes to sabotage this wall. Yeah, so Cobb's upset that he's not the one setting this off, obviously.

He did all the work. It's complex wiring. You wouldn't-- that type of thing. Eventually, he coughs it up, and it's pretty simple, honestly. So eventually, bastard would be like, all right, we're ready to go. OK, let's get into position. And I want to be basically where we can get there within, I guess, a combat turn through the gate within a combat turn after it blows up. Yeah, so I mean, there's bushes and rocks and stuff like that outside. So I would imagine-- so here's-- well, I mean, I guess the only thing I need from you guys is a stealth roll. Stealth rolls with heavy armor.

I'm stealth rolling, but I'm-- Floss is going to look at Mr. Cave. Cave. And say, Mr. Cave, this bitch thing, when this happens, may I be front and center? May I be in the middle? You can be as in the middle as you need to be, definitely. In fact, I'm relying on you for it. Fantastic. Oh, that sleight of hand that I clicked. Hang on. Am I also doing a stealth? If everyone does their job, you probably won't need to. OK. As long as no one biffs it real hard, that's right on the cusp. Well, I think you're-- Yeah, that's expected for Floss. OK, so there's this moment of time where it's just minutes and minutes and minutes go by, where Linda and Belle are going around who knows where.

We're just waiting? Yeah, I feel like we get into position and just kind of wait. And as soon as the thing goes off, we just move. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like there'd definitely be a period of time where everyone's just kind of waiting. There's this silence. You can hear people talking and stuff like that. And the way this gate is, it's kind of like a big archway and these huge double doors and stuff that open. And just ripping through the air, you could feel it in your chest. There's going to be a series of explosions that go up one after another and just eradicate this gate.

Gone. Like, it is-- it's just shrapnel and fire everywhere. You're going to see bodies get tossed. There's your Wilhelm. [SCREAMING] You're going to see people just scatter. And there's never been a better opportunity for you to run. If everybody gets up and runs in, Cave's going to walk. We're looking to make an entrance here. Yeah, yeah. Boss is 100% following Cave's lead. Yeah. OK, and Chapman takes off and then notices he's on his own and kind of slows down and kind of walks back-- tracks back a bit to match the other speed. So Cave's going to activate an ability called Cloak of Flies, which basically he is wrapped in buzzing insects or the effect of buzzing insects.

You can surround yourself with a magical aura that looks like buzzing flies. The aura extends five feet from you in every direction, grant you advantage on charisma intimidation checks. Basically, so he's doing this. His eyes have done the stupid thing where it hurts, but they're kind of this crackling red energy. He's got this aura of buzzing insects around him, and he just calls out and says, Harmon Hale, I don't know how you thought this was going to go, but we've come for you. And you better show up right now before we burn this entire operation to the ground.

Everybody give me a perception check, please. Me? Not you, not yet. Soon, though. OK, OK. So the good doctor is going to probably hear this better than anybody else. Obviously, there's lots of screaming going on. But above some of it, in the distance, you can hear a lovely southern accent shouting at people to get to the gate and hold them off. And you're going to hear it get more distant as they're running away. I don't think they're going to meet you at the gate. For fun, can I roll intimidation on that? Oh, absolutely. OK, cool. So I get an advantage on this. 16. 16.

It's not bad. I'm probably going to shave off a couple of people that would try to get to you at the gate. But here's what we're going to do. You're about to walk in here, and I'm going to give you guys some options. Linda. Yes. OK. So at this point, you hear the explosion. You're sneaking around. You're basically on the side of the wall looking for some way to get in there. Now, the problem is these are all reinforced walls. Is Linda good at climbing? She can be if you want her to be. So no. I'm going to say no-ish. But like, you know, because fire hazards, right?

You can't have only one entrance and exit. There's got to be some sort of like escape hatch or like secret door or something like on the other side. This guy's got slaves. I don't think he's going by OSHA regulations. How's your athletics? Plus three. OK, that's actually solid. Yeah, so like picture really large-- so picture really large like logs that are just vertical. Because this is a big wall. So do me a favor. Give me an athletics check. Let's see how that goes first. Because I imagine you're running down the length of this wall, and it's like wall, wall, wall, wall.

Like you're expecting there to be like some hole in a fence type of thing. But it is pretty reinforced. Can I like give myself bardic inspiration? Sadly, no. Really? Aw, rats. Oh, no, just kidding. That was-- never mind. So what did you want, an acrobatics? I mean, athletics? Sorry. Unless you're going to just clean jump over like the Hulk. Like if you've got calves for days, like go for it. But like give me an athletics. Let's see how well you climb. OK. 16. 16. So what you're trying to do here is you're trying to climb about 12 feet up. But this is really kind of like flat.

So like you're kind of like shimmying up, just like trying to hold on and stuff. And eventually, slitthroat's going to start firing crossbow bolts into the side of the wall so that you can use those as like little hand-- This is great. --like little handholds. Like just kind of it's like, oh, you're struggling here. Thunk, thunk, thunk. Like just you're going to see them start to pop up. So eventually, you're going to get to the top of this wall. And there's like a bridge, like a walkway up top that surrounds everything. I need you to do me a favor. Give me a stealth check.

Uh-oh. Pretty good. 15. So you're going to be up here kind of crouched behind some barrels and crates and stuff. You have an interesting road ahead of you if you're going to try to do what you wanted to do, right? So your choices are try to catch up with the team and like do something from above to help them out and maybe join them, or try to make your way further into this complex with just you and slitthroat and take your chances. It's a much longer way that way, though. What, to follow Harmon? Yeah. Hmm. Like I just want you to understand the risks. I don't know, man.

Linda's out for blood. OK. Catch up with you in just a moment. Rest of the team here. We're moving into this complex. I'm going to share a map with you guys. Looks like a big one. It's not small. Oh, that-- oh, my token is very small. Let me zoom in. Ooh. So here's how we're going to do this. Based on the directions you go, your opposition is either going to get lighter or heavier. So starting off the bat, you have three directions that you could choose. There's a left path that takes place over this narrower bridge and kind of leads to these housing area places.

There's the main walkway in the middle, which, again, just take you right up the middle. And then the right way where you'd be kind of snaking around a bit. Which feels the most appealing to you guys? Based on how I heard Harmon earlier, do I have any indication of-- Center walkway. But again, no one's trying to stop him. That's true. Yeah, he's just going to give that information out. Kive, I heard our man, he went through the path over there. I don't think he's going to be meeting with us. I think we're going to have to go through everything he's got. Cleanest path is that way.

Well, let's get him then. We're going to walk up the straight path, I think. Yeah. Floss was already way ahead of you. Floss, with my idea. He lifts one hand sort of in acknowledgment. Yep. I picture Chapman has one long ass knife in one hand, and in his other hand, he's carrying his Victorian doctor's bag with the metal handles on top. That's where all his tools are. So you guys are heading up this middle path here. And right away, there are four thugs that are going to be in your way. They do not look highly skilled, and they do not look like they're going to put up a terrible fight.

But these are the first four individuals that you have encountered. Now, because you took people with you, I'm shaving off thugs and the intimidation check just because we're going to simulate them fighting with other people so we don't have to take a bunch of time in the encounter. Does that sound fine? Sounds fine to me. Love it. Roll initiative, please. One day, I'll roll high. [LAUGHS] All right. So it looks like thug number one first, then cave, but three. So we got a nice little-- it's nice and scattered. 16 for-- OK, good. So thug, then floss, then cave.

OK. Thug number one is going to move up here to cave. Target cave. These guys are really-- they're really straightforward here. Two melee attacks. Here they go. Oh, that was almost 18, but it turns out to be a two. And one more. 11 is going to miss. That brings up floss. All right. I'm raging. It's just going to immediately-- he's just ready to absolutely fight. Yeah, absolutely. Floss is just going to run up and baseball bat with his hammer of sin here. And basically trying to swat into the water is what he's trying to do here. Oh, OK. Here we go. That is a hit. 17.

Six damage to-- wait, no, hold on. 18 damage. I'm so sorry. Thank you very much. That seems more reasonable. And of course, I'm going to be attacking once again another swat at this person because I have two attacks. Sure. Oh, 20 will hit. 16 will kill this thug. Great. So floss is going to raise-- like go straight into the middle to the next thug. He's going to target thug number two and going to do exactly the same thing with a third swipe with the hammer of sin. I don't think you can do it on your first round. Is that not true? Because you use your bonus action.

Prince is going to be-- yeah, never mind. OK. Apologies. So we're not going to do that. No, we're not going to do that. OK. So En's turn, but he is going to go straight up into thug number two's face. Got it. Done. Cave, you are up. All right. So Cave still wreathed in his cloak of flies, still with his eyes aglow. We're going to just go ahead and Eldritch Blast thug number four here. So look at him. We're going to scream because it hurts and because we're mad. 19 will hit. 19 will hit. Let's do some damage. Oh, six damage. That's OK because we're going to keep giving this dude the evil eye, and we're going to do it again.

OK. 21 will hit. And we'll just do this again. Oh, jeez. Well, it was a two instead of a one that time, so seven. OK. Well, we're making it look better than it is, but that's what we're doing. And that's our whole turn. We're going to stand our ground. I just read a description for Eldritch Blast. At level 11, you gain three beams. No way, really? Way. I take your word for it. Three beams? Three beams. Three beams. Three beams. Yeah, three beams at 11th level specifically. So OK, let's do it again. Thank you, Xavier. Beams makes more sense than beans. Oh my god, 11.

Oh my god. 11 will just hit. Oh my god. All right, I like this guys. Oh my god! That's a one, so six damage. My heart ain't in it, guys. I just don't got it today. OK, this is your tune up game. You need to work these kinks out. You can't bring this weak ass shit to Harmon, so-- Yeah. --you need to-- That living popover, he'll be fine. [LAUGHS] Jesus. Thug number three is going to move right over here to floss target mace. Does 13 hit you? Nope. No. No, it does not. OK, so one more time. 18. So that's seven, but partially resisted because you are raging. Floss smiles.

Floss smiles in his face. Like really, really hardcore smiles. Well, that is rude, honestly. Doc, you are up. I picture in the chaos of all this of Floss basically just pummeling one guy dead into the ocean, and Kay just blasting three beams in a row. Chapman-- I'm sorry, Bell-- walks his normal speed very calmly, like a Tonberry, if you will, with his knife in hand walking towards thug number four, who hasn't acted yet. And since I am an assassin rogue, I get advantage on enemies who haven't acted yet. I love that your argument earlier was you're not much of an assassin.

Well, I mean, the class says-- Your spec is assassin. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just love that it immediately-- Last time I was like, I'm not a thief. All right, I want to slide a hand. Yeah. OK, so attack. 26 will hit. So I will add my sneak. Then I roll for damage on thug number four. He's going to kill this motherfucker. Hey, he's dead. 28 will kill him. All right, so he just shows up in the chaos while he's looking at the lasers or Floss, just like, he gets a knife right in the heart, looks at Chapman, and falls on the ground. That's one of the most deeply unsettling things you've ever described, by the way.

Just like you, knife brandished, slowly walking toward somebody. That's deeply terrifying. It wasn't about time. Yeah. You've done this in real life before, haven't you? Yeah. Maybe. Yep. You're the Montreal killer, aren't you? The fabled. [LAUGHTER] And I guess that's it for me. Good lord. Thug number two is going to have to target Floss because Floss ran up and clearly means him harm. Here we go. Nice. Oh, jeez, that's going to miss. 11's going to miss. One more time. 22 will hit. [LAUGHTER] Three damage partially resisted. So I don't think their heart's in it either.

Dr. Bell is up again. Ooh, interesting. OK. So then he's just going to take back his knife from the body and just step towards bug number two. Yeah, let's do the thug number two. And now I'll attack him very much the same calm, unsettling way while he's distracted by Floss, this time with plus two. Oh, that was almost a one, but it's a 19. 29 will hit. All right. So I do get sneak attack because my ally is in range. Good night. Well, there's a lot of sixes in there. 37 damage will kill the thug. I don't have two weapons out, so I won't be taking another shot at the other guy.

But I will step over the body of the other one and just like, again, unsheathe my knife from his chest and turn around to thug number three. Jameson, I think that's where all your roles went. Xavier took them. I'm fine with it. Thank you, Jameson. Yeah, 100%. I'm here for effect. He's here for a purpose. Cave, you are ucked. So I'm just going to sidestep to the left here, and we're going to stare real hard at thug number three. We don't need to spare much more than an Eldritch Blast on this guy. So we target him real quick. It'll be a 14. 14 will hit. Hey, there we go.

That's what I'm talking about, 14 damage. Oh, OK, shit. Let's do it again. Oh, 21 will hit. 21 will hit. Let's stare harder. What is that? Six damage. Six damage. Oh, that's a crit, baby. Hearts in it. Strike now. Any allies adjacent to you get-- oh. Well, never mind. Get advantage on attacks against this target in the next turn. So they're not adjacent to you. But still, crit damage. You'll probably kill him anyway. 15 damage. That'll kill him. All right. He's dead. He's dead. I keep walking. I know that I can't split my movement by turn, but for effect, I'm just going to keep on-- like you never broke stride.

Just keep walking. Harmon! Oh, you can split your movement, by the way. Oh, you can't? I thought you had to have a feat for that to split your movement. No. Fighty, baby. No, no, no. Oh. I'm-- me and my third edition brain. No, man. You can split that up. Should I spend 20 minutes talking about how third edition was better? Oh, I think it's mandatory. OK. It's been a while. I've seen it in a D&D podcast. Yeah. If it makes you feel-- I'll defend fourth edition. Oh, cool. All right. I'll be that guy. Let's have that conversation. I'll take you up for a Patreon only fourth edition, like one off.

Oh, man. I'll do it. Well, I've dusted off the old 48 lot. I've played like two sessions ever of fourth edition, so I can't speak to it. But that's my turn. I'm done. We'll just keep striding our way up the-- Eggs, exactly. Like as cave matches where we are, we just keep walking Chapman, sorry, Bell. Wipes the blood off his knife on his leather apron and just keeps walking too. Let's catch up with Linda. Linda's still on this catwalk. You could tell lots of archers and stuff like that are scrambling around. There's this huge explosion, and everybody's just trying to get their bearings.

People are coming in, you know, fucking swords and hammers and stuff at the way, already stabbing people. Linda, you are in a precarious position, because what you could do is sneak along this catwalk further into the complex, but eventually someone's going to see you, right? You're going to have to stealth from box to box and eventually, like, you're just going to run out of boxes. There is a cart driving underneath this catwalk. It is about seven feet down, and it's moving at quite a speed, because the back of it is on fire right now. And the horses are just out of control, but they are moving into the complex.

Your options right now are continue along this catwalk and just try to make your way as far in as possible, or take a leap of faith and jump onto this flaming cart. Do I, like, know where Harmon is? Because I know the other people heard him, and then he was running away. Give me a perception check real quick. Like, just as you're scanning the area, you see this cart, because, man, it stands out. But, like, you're kind of-- oh, 21. Yeah, you'll catch him. He's off in the distance in the center plank, running to the back of this complex here. Right. Is the complex, like, a circle?

No, no, no, no, no. Like, you can see the map that they're walking on. It's mostly a series of boardwalks and bridges and stuff like that. It is-- OK. Yeah, it's like city streets, but instead of there being dirt where there isn't road, it's water. So he's going towards the center? He's on the center set of bridges, but he's moving north. He's moving to the back of this complex. OK, OK. Where did I hop on the wall? So picture you, like, right in this area, somewhere in here. And there's a cart on fire that is going in that direction. It's going north, yeah.

Gotcha. And so you're asking me if I want to do the Assassin's Creed thing, where I eagle-eyed dive bomb into a bale of hay. This isn't hay. These are boxes, mostly. The back of this is on fire, so this is not a long-term ride. But it could get you somewhere in a hurry. You have one choice, Val. Yeah, no, like, I'm definitely jumping onto the cart. OK. For sure. Could you do me a favor? Give me an acrobatics check. Oh, no. Oh, jeez. That's a 10. OK, so that's not the most graceful swan dive you could have taken off of this place. So I imagine you're going to almost trip off of this catwalk.

You're going to fall into this cart, but your ribs are just going to hit the corner of one of these crates. So there's a good few seconds where you are just, like, stunned. Just like, the wind's knocked out of you a little bit. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you 2d4 damage. OK. So 4 damage. And again, just a few seconds where you are stunned. And this cart now, it is going to careen over this bridge. And there is, I'd say, 20, 30 yards away from this. There's a set of houses. And you're heading right into that. Now, because of my armor, do I, like, suck some damage?

From these boxes? I don't know. No. It's our friend Slithrot. There's Slithrot. There's the horse. He's not on that cart with you. He's not coming? No, no, no. His job is to give you cover fire, not jump onto flaming carts. OK. OK. What about the horse? I mean, if you want to run up to the horse and suck-- Oh, that's right. If I hit it. Sorry, not that if I get damaged. I thought-- wait. No, no, no. I'm just saying, you're in the back of this cart, not near the reins or anything like that. Oh, so I have to be, like, really close by to something. Fairly close, yeah.

OK, gotcha. Tight, so now what? I just want to, like, wait and try and kind of go as far as I can until I have to get off. Well, there are houses coming up, and you're about to plow into them. Ah, yes, yes, yes. For that part, I will-- I guess I'll have to jump off the cart then. OK, I need an acrobatics check with a minus 2, because kind of that wind knocked out of you. Right, right. 10. 10. OK, so again, you're going to-- again, none of this is very graceful, but you managed to make it fairly far into this complex. I'd say right about here. Perfect. You could probably just see the dot, but you're up there.

You're doing it. OK, now a very important question. Are my sunglasses still on and not cracked? Oh, man, the two 10s? Jason, come on. Give me a D6. On a 1 through 3, they are broken. On a 4 through 6, they're fine. Oh, no. Yeah, they're fine. OK. That's a 5. They're fine. Great news, everybody. So getting back to you guys, you're going to get to this next portion here, which is quite a beautiful little centerpiece. There's this gorgeous little cherry blossom tree that is stretched out over this almost like a town square-looking thing where it branches off in several directions.

So basically, you have to decide whether you'd like to continue going north and further into this place or branch out and go right and move around. You can head east and kind of wrap around. Harmon's definitely in the center, but you don't know what kind of opposition you're going to face. I could tell you, though, it's probably going to be thicker in the center. I like it thick in the center. I mean, I feel like unless given a compelling reason to do otherwise, Cave's going to keep walking straight up the center. Can I do a quick perception roll and kind of like try to gather what the layout of the straight ahead looks?

Because I'm thinking maybe I can do Cave's idea from earlier and jump in the water and kind of like commando my way behind the enemy line this time. Just like a knife in your mouth. Yeah, exactly. Exactly that image. Give me a perception check. Yes, sir. Oh my gosh. 29. 29. You're not going to see anything. No. 29, once you pass this beautiful cherry blossom tree just kind of like shedding leaves all over the place, and it's a beautiful sight. But behind you, everything's on fire. And in front of you, people are scrambling to stab you. So this is like a nice little respite.

But just ahead of you, you're going to see a couple of buildings kind of overhanging onto this platform, this bridge up ahead. So it's a little tough to see past those two things. But with a 29, I'm going to let you look right as well. The right path is actually much more fraught with danger. It was a trick, you see. It was a trick. All right, boss. Let's stick with your idea. Let me just hide in the water, and I'll meet you all the way behind them. You just get their attention. I'll do the rest. Yeah, Cave, we'll nod in acknowledgement, but continue the badass stride and be like, do it.

All right. So he puts the knife in his warforged mouth, and he goes by the water and does this kuba dive back fall. Backwards in. This is probably very natural for a lizardfolk, but not for a warforged. It's very incongruous. Very buoyant warforged. OK, here's what we're going to do. Can I get a d4 from both Cave and Floss, please? Perfect. OK. I need everybody to give me an initiative roll, please. So standing in a way this time, it's about five people here who look like they're much more well-trained. They look like city guard type people. So for the purposes of this fight, we're just going to refer to them as that.

So you've got a couple of archers in the back. You've got a couple of constables up front. You've got a team captain in the center here. So let's kick things off with city watch captain, and he's going to target Floss. He's got a couple of melee attacks. So ba-bam, let's try that. 23 will hit. 4 partially resisted, and one more time, 14 will hit. 6 partially resisted. That'll bring up archer number 1. So a couple of longbow attacks. Let's target Cave this time. How about that? Longbow, boom. 15's going to miss. Let's try one more time. Oh, jeez, 24 will hit.

Damage. Now it's their turn to roll like shit. That is minimum damage of 5. Dr. Bell, could you do me a favor? Give me an athletics check. Yes. That'll decide how quickly you get across this water. Oh, boy. OK, here we go. 10. OK. That'll put you right about here. So next round, you'll probably get there. Well, sir, sir, sir, if you may, if you may, I'd like to use my cunning action as a bonus action to stealth, like to hide, properly hide. Oh, I figured you would do it. I thought that was the whole point of the commando thing. Yeah, OK. I didn't know if you wanted me to roll or not.

No. No, that would be cruel. When I reach here, I would like to knife in mouth, pull up one of my hidden daggers, smaller knives, and I want to commando style, hit that archer too up top that bridge, and have like, hopefully, take her out like in the movies, and like she disappears. I'll tell you what. I want you to swing with disadvantage, but if you hit, you'll take her out. Sweet. I just want to use all my assassin stuff. Makes sense. This autocrit and all. Now come on. Wow. I got both of those weren't great, so 10 is going to miss. OK. Cave, you're up. OK.

So this captain who came up, we're going to-- he's too close to Eldridge Blast. We're going to do something else. So I would love for the captain to make a constitution save, please. DC 19. On saving throw, coming right up. How's a seven? That's not good. So what happens is the cloak of flies that's surrounding cave extends and envelops this dude with my power called infestation. You cause a cloud of parasites to appear on one creature you can see within range. The target must succeed in a constitution saving flow, or it takes 1D6 poison damage and moves five feet in a random direction if it can move, and its speed is at least five feet.

So we roll a 1D4 for the direction. Sure. So we're going to-- he's covered in bugs, and he's going to freak out about it. So we roll D4 real quick. That's a two. That is south. Oh, OK. So that puts him between us. And he's going to take a D6 poison damage, which is not as much damage as I thought it would be. I thought it might scale with level, but that's fine. Oh, wait, it does scale with level. 11th level was 3D6. That's two. Oh. Seven. Seven. And? Hey, 13. The captain. 13 damage. Boom. Well, OK, shit, that brings up the constable. Let's-- Covered in bugs. The constable is, or the captain?

No, the captain. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Got it. OK. So he's going to take a couple of swings here at cave. Probably not going to hit, but I mean, you know, what are you going to do? Oh, Jesus, 25 will hit. All right. Six damage. Don't like that. And, oh, the opposite of that. 10 is going to miss. So Floss, you are up. Great. So Floss is going to-- [MIMICS EXPLOSION] --straight ahead of him. He's just going to go right up to him. He's going to just hammer a synod. Just-- [MIMICS EXPLOSION] And he's going to be sort of swinging so that this person might land in the water near Chapman/Bell.

Jesus, 28 will hit. 23 damage. And if this person doesn't go down, he's just simply going to do a complete 360, like a golf swing, but then another golf swing. Does that make sense? Just like from the torso, like the legs, they still-- the torso does a 360. Love for that to be the case with Floss. [MIMICS EXPLOSION] Like just a couple of hits at a time. So he's going to do this again. 18 will hit. All right, great. That modifier is 11, so that's helpful. Jesus, 23 more damage. This guy's almost dead, like hanging on. Just like boom, boom. Just-- Floss will take an instant to sort of assess the situation.

And then instead of continuing with the golf swings, he's going to come straight down on top of his head with another hammer and a synod. Yeah. 22 will hit. Just bam, bam, bam. 22 will kill him. Jesus. OK. So you cranked out about 70 damage there. That's pretty decent for a turn. Moving on. [LAUGHTER] God, archer number two, I guess, is going to start targeting Floss because that's fucking terrifying, right? How's morale going? It's not great. Like that's-- OK, here we go. Longbow. Hey, 21 will hit. That is 11 damage partially resisted. One more time. Hey-ho. 23 will hit. 10 damage partially resisted.

So I imagine this archer just like-- just like pumping arrows into this thing, trying to get it to stop. Oh, Floss's eyes will do the-- [GROANING] That's basically your next kind of a look. I don't like that. Linda, you have a choice to make. Ooh. You're off this cart. Right. And these buildings are on fire next to you now. The cart just plowed into it, and you're getting your bearings and you're kind of getting your feet-- it's like, ow. Like you just kind of fell twice and just boom, boom. On your right, so to the south, you're going to see your party fighting these guards and archers and stuff like that.

You have an opportunity to sneak up on these archers and assist. To your left is further into this complex where Harman was heading. From what I can see, how are they doing in terms of the fight? Like, can I tell? Give me a perception. OK. Oh, 15. So you only see Floss and Cave. OK, how are they doing? They're doing OK. But you wouldn't know what would have happened to the good doctor. Right. And I haven't locked eyes with Harman or anything yet, right? No, you're very much on the trail, not hot on his heels or anything. I-- what do you guys think? I think that's your call.

I'll roll because I have no clue. And I don't think I've ever done this fun thing before to leave it up to chance. 1 through 10, I go help the boys. And 11 through 20, I go and keep after Harman. OK, let's do it. That's a 2. Guess I'm going to the boys. So I want to go and I want to try-- because I assume I see these archers, right? Oh, yeah. They'd be the first thing you see because you're closest to them. Right, so then I want to go and try and sneak up behind one of them. And I got a dagger now, so I'm pretty ready to do some wrecking. So let's do this.

Let's say you're here on the map. OK. OK, go ahead and take your turn. OK, let's see. Oh, you know what? No, no, no, no, no. We're going to start this off with a bang. Fuck it, dude. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to use a bonus action. I'm going to use a bonus action to conjure my Shadow Blade. Slit the wooboo crowd. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm going to-- OK, I'm going to do it at third level. And I'm going to-- both of these archers not hit? No, they're clean. So target's archer one. OK, OK. I'm going to get closer, but I'm going to throw it. That'll hit.

Perfect. 21. So now it's going to do 3d8 psychic. So I don't know how to add an extra d8 to the damage. Oh, we roll it first, and then we add the number. Ha ha, genius. So 24 damage. No, I already added the plus 8 to it. Oh, so 16 damage. Sorry. So that's archer one. Boom. That-- just a big old shot to the back. They're going to feel that it's like, oh, shit. And so now, because I threw it, the blade just disappears. Linda, it's your turn again. You're at the top of the order. Oh, shit. OK. Well, great news. I can use a bonus action to make the sword reappear in my hand.

So it's going to appear. I'm going to throw it at the guy, hit him right in the back. It turns back into fog. And then I immediately just-- [WHOOSH] And it's back in my hand. And I'm going to throw it at him again. 13's going to miss. Ooh. OK. Then I just throw it, and it misses. And then it just disappears into fog. Do you want to do anything else? No, I think I'm good. All right. Citywatch captain's going to be standing here next to Cave, I guess, so let's try hitting him again. Ba-boom. Attack number one-- ooh, 25 will hit. Oh, man. 5 damage. One more time. 26 will hit.

That is 6 damage. Wow. Cave, you're up. I don't like that. I don't like what he did. I'm going to point at him, and the crackling black-red energy in his eyes is going to, to him, manifest as a premonition of his own death. We're going to use the cantrip called Toll the Dead on him. So he is going to have to make a wisdom saving throw now. Uh-oh. How? Holy shit. All right. That was a luckiest roll ever. Wow. This guy, I don't think he takes anything, any half damage or anything. No, that's it. So I look really terrifying, but that's all I do. Oh, boy. Well, constable number one is right next to Cave two, so I guess we're going to keep this cycle going.

Two attacks. One. That's a 17. Then I'm going to hit shit. Oh, I meant to add two to that. 18's not going to hit either. That's the end of his turn. Doctor. Do you want me to roll again for athletics, or do we keep that 10? Just go ahead and move normally. All right. Is there elevation? Do I need to take into account how high they are? It's like a five foot-- like a quick climb. You're pulling yourself up. OK, so it'd be five, 10. Yeah, OK. I got enough space. So I try to stay hidden and then get from the side of where I pull myself up. Kind of like maybe go for the big vein in the thigh of that-- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And if possible, drag them down or whatever. Like if I get the one shot, like just-- I think it's perfect because-- so Linda comes in behind them. So they're like, oh, shit. So they're turned this way now where you're coming up on the side. You're going to Schwarzenegger him. Yeah. So let's do it. My dream. Oh, no, again. Oh, no. That's a five and a seven. 15 will miss. OK. I'll use my cunning action to stealth again. Like try to go back in the water and kind of try to confuse them. Go under that bridge. Come back down. Oh, god. Archer number two. Well, I guess archer number two is going to look at Linda, right?

Because like-- well, I don't know. You know what, floss is scary. But like further away. So yeah, let's look at Linda. Kapow, 24 will hit, six damage, and-- And my blade. Oh, that was a concentration save. You're fine. One more shot. 23 will hit. Another concentration roll. You're fine. That's a 16. 10 more damage, though. So Linda's taken a couple here. Oh, so I saved both times. So I still have my blade. Yes, you're good. OK, cool. Archer number one is also going to start shooting at Linda. And maybe I shouldn't have hidden again. Ha ha. Oh, my god, they're rolling high. 21, seven damage.

So 10, just barely a success. One more time. Jesus, 23 will hit. 10 damage. Seven will fail. So you lost. Fourth hit was the charm. They've done 33 damage to you in total. Floss, you're up. Floss is going to turn around with all the commotion happening with Cave. Oh, Mr. Cave, did you need some help? And then just with the hammer of sin. Maximum damage. So that's the attack that I just put on the city watch captain. 24. There you go. And then one more. Oh, this poor captain is not going to make it. Not at all. No. This is just a distraction for Floss right now. Yeah, it's a tactic. 19 will hit.

Minimum damage of 13 will still kill him. So captain's dead. Gone. Boom. Cave, enveloped as he is in weird fel energies and flies and insects, just gives Floss a thumbs up. Thumbs up will mean a smile for Floss. And then he's going to move. He's just going to move away, like gotcha, bye. And then move up towards the archers and Linda. Doctor, you're up. All right, this time it's got to work. It's going to go under that bridge and do the same thing to the other archer this time. OK. This time it'll work. I picture they keep pivoting to fire at Linda and you just keep swinging.

It's like, oh, shit. And you just keep ducking down. What's this weird warforged doing? OK, let's go. This is going to be great. You got it. Hey, 23 will hit. 28 damage. All right, and I will pull myself up with the knife and the leg as leverage. Oh, god. And bring myself up on the bridge and kind of tower over this person in my bulky warforged body. Yes, they're just shrieking. Just like-- Great. Great, great, great. Floss, you're up. OK, this is going to be my moment. I don't know if there's going to be anything in this area. But Floss, as he moves away from cave and back towards archer two, which is the one that got to him first, I told you I'd be back.

And he's going to look for anything he can find on the ground that would be like a piece of metal, something he could fling through the air at this archer as a javelin. I'd say there's lots of nasty wooden shards and stuff like that. I'd say there's a nice-- Yeah, as long as it's javelin-esque, that he's basically-- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you got some heft. --walk and say, I told you I'd be back. He's going to lean over and then just in one big motion and just try to throw something. Basically, no joke, straight through the skull, if possible. If you roll a crit, you'll kill them instantly.

Great. Let's see what happens. Damn it. Fucking 19. Can I almost kill them? OK. So you lobotomize them. They're going to go, err, like just mouth a gape, not in control of their motor functions anymore. 13 damage, though. That ain't too bad. OK. Right. And then it's going to continue to move forward. Oh, god. And while that's happening, basically getting the Hammer of Sin ready to go and then bludgeon. Ah, 14's going to miss. Really? I think that's your first miss ever. It is my first miss ever. Fine, I'll take a bonus action and actually hit. Hang on a second. 26 will do it.

Yeah, that'll hit. He'll say, that was weird, and then again. 16 damage. Right, that's it. God, archer number one. I think this archer's going to back up one. So if you want to take an opportunity attack, doc. With pleasure. So I think it's like, oh, god. And then stumble back with her bloody leg. Oh, 23 will hit. Hey, no sneak attack. Max damage, though, of 10. She's going to use archer's eye and add a 1D10 to the damage if she hits. She is definitely going to be swinging, just like firing arrows down at Dr. Bell. So 11 will miss. One more time. 14 will miss. Oh, no.

So sorry. Oh, yeah, that ain't good. So City Watch Constable is right next to Cave. Going to try two more swings. One. 24 will hit. These guys are swinging so high. Oh, my god. Another 19. That's 24. That'll hit. So six damage and four damage. That's another 10 damage to Cave. That's about half of your health there. So yeah, archer number two. Fuck. Think we're going to target Floss. Longbow attack. No. Going to use archer's eye on the next one. Fucking no. Both swings and misses. Cave, you're up. So this guy swings and whacks Cave twice in his ridiculous armor. And so Cave is going to reach out.

And I imagine this guy has one of those like steel breastplate type things for armor. So he's going to grab him by that and pull him close. And again, the cloak of flies is going to just envelop this dude. And we're going to do infestation. So gross. I know you're trying to save those-- I'm trying to save my three spell slots. [LAUGHTER] Just cantrips everywhere. So he needs to please make a constitution saving for DC 19. What are the odds of him? He's only been rolling 19s consistently. Hey. Well, he rolled a six. There you go. Well, he's going to take 3D six points of damage.

So we'll do that. Six points of damage. OK. And now he's going to move five feet in a direction. And that direction is going to be west. So he walks almost off the pier. All right, good. I want to push him. Can I push him as a free action? [LAUGHTER] It's a bonus action. No, I think if that's it, that's it. I think that's all I got. Linda, you're up. OK. Well, my blade is gone. So I'm just going to show up next to Archer 1. And I'm going to take my brand new shiny little rapier that Cave got me. And I'm going to just hit him like a normal person. So because it's your turn-- Yes.

--and you got your armor going-- Yes. --you're going to heal and actually kill Archer 1. Oh, tight. Yeah, just leech the life clean off of them and heal some hit points there. Oh. Not complaining. I thought it was going to be on us. Yeah. We'll get to it. OK, cool, cool, cool. I'm not complaining. Perfect. Then does Linda know that that's what happened? Does Linda even know about how this armor works? I don't know if we ever went over it. The point is someone's dead. Yeah, but I just want to know if someone just dropped in front of her and she's like, OK, tight.

I mean, honestly, she would just say, OK, tight, and then go over to Archer 2. Because that's what we're going to do. We see the blood crawl on the ground and go under Linda's feet. I'll just smack him with the rapier. 18 will hit. Nice. Ooh, 8 damage. Oh, ooh, ooh, OK. And then-- never mind then. I can't do anything because I already did an action. Just kidding. OK. Top of the order, it's Floss. Well, you know what's going to happen here. Floss is just going to stride very quickly up to the archer and sort of point to the sky. It's that same kind of point whenever someone who's about to hit a baseball points to the stands where they're going to hit the-- The call in your shot.

Yeah, that's it. So I'm imagining a moment of confusion, which is completely fine. Oh, 14's going to miss. No. OK, fine. Then I'm going to go for another attack. You get three. You're batting 800 now. 28 will hit. Max damage, 24. Oh, she's reeling. Like, she-- it's just-- oh, god. I didn't get crit, but I did deal bludgeoning damage. So I'm going to move the target five feet back to an unoccupied space right next to Linda. And as they move backwards towards Linda, I'm going to move forwards as well, which I think kind of puts me in a flank situation. Nah. No? Not yet, no.

What? You need to be opposite of Linda. You need to be tippy toeing on the edge of the-- Ah, I gotcha. If you go here? Well, yeah, no. I mean, it should put-- so with my crusher feet, if I do bludgeoning damage, I can push archer two back five feet to an unoccupied space. So that being next to Linda, then I want to go doo-doo-doo right up next to and flank so that I can get-- OK. Yeah, there you go. Now you're flanking. Love it. And then one last go. We're going to drop a two to take a 17. 28 will hit. Hammer of Sin. 22 damage will kill the archer. Arch two is gone.

There is one person left on the battlefield. Linda, you are up. So I'm going to move because I really want to make sure I get cave. So I'm so sorry, Floss, Bestie. You will not get the effects of-- I'm not worried. --mask your wounds. Floss is good. A spell has no effect on undead or constructs, but I don't think that's an issue. Technically, no. So Floss wouldn't have got it anyway because he's a construct. And Dr. Bell looks like a construct, but technically isn't. OK. Oh, and I'm doing it on myself also. 12? Now it says plus my spellcasting modifier. So I'll add three to everybody.

All right, anything else? Nope, that'll be my turn. All right, City Watch Constable is probably going to get one more turn before he gets annihilated. But let's-- target keep whacking. Oh my god, 21 will hit. This fucking guy hates you. Cave asks him if he wants a job. [LAUGHTER] Second attack will miss, though. Doctor, you're up. All right, Chapman will, on the ledge of that bridge, Naruto run towards this constable using his cunning action to get to him. And he will stab him. He'll stab him good. Oh, here it is. Oh, yeah. There's a crit, ladies and gentlemen.

And parry, in addition to standard critical hit damage, to your target, you gain a plus two to all your defenses against attacks from the target until the end of your next turn. Very good. Let me sneak attack myself. You know what I mean. And roll damage. I pray it doubles the dice. Wee, it did. Oh my god. Oh my god, forget it. 47. So I just picked you to go, ack, ack, ack, ack, ack, ack. You're just like, stab him, stab him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that cold killer blank stare of a Warforged. Just like, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Long-- like the fight's been over for five minutes.

It's like, doctor, doctor. Like just, like, stabbing you. Yeah, that'll kill him. This fight is over. So that'll take you guys out of combat. What I would like to do is spend five more minutes to set up this next bit and probably wrap it up. So the path is clear for you guys. Just beyond this next section of bridge, there's an older portion of this compound. Probably this kind of-- it's a bit of like sprawl. Like it grew out. And you're all set. You are clear to go. If you guys want to charge hail and just do this-- Stay here. Stay quiet. I'll go take a look.

And he's going to stealth and take a peek and try to stay hidden. Give me a stealth check, please. 15. You're going to see this deep pit and just networks of old, ratty minecart rails and bridges and all this stuff. This pit looks obscenely deep. This must be probably where hail extraction started. And it almost looks abandoned. They've strip mined this to the core. And it's done now, right? And in the distance, you're going to see hail disappear in the center of this thing down-- it looks like some stairs, something like that. Like he's going down. But I'd say he's probably, I don't know, 100 yards away from you, somewhere in there.

Like it's pretty far away. And do I see anything stopping us from getting there? It looks like everything he had to throw at you in terms of guards and everything, he's done. That's it. Bell turns around and looks at the group and says, the way is clear. Let's go kill a man. Jesus God. Cave sort of nods his head and grins in kind of a not pleasant way, sort of shakes his hands out and says, let's do exactly that. Starts trudging off in that direction. Floss does the same right after cave and looks a bit labored doing so right from exhaustion. Are you done raging?

Last a minute. I would assume one minute occurred since we got here. Yeah. Yeah. That's not great. And you got four of those a day. So you have three left for the whole thing. Well, you were raging for the first fight too, weren't you? Rage for the first fight and second fight. So I'm halfway through. Yeah. Linda is going to step forward with the rest of the group and she's going to sort of mutter under her breath. Let's hope this guy doesn't have any revives. You know, classic gamer lingo. [LAUGHTER] What's up gamers, said Val. [LAUGHTER] Classic gamer lingo, she says as she winks at the camera.

You know. So as you're walking into this place, there's a couple of long bridges leading to the center where bells all hail kind of like scurry under like a rat. And you're not seeing any archers or anything like that. I imagine even after being told the coast is clear, it's like you're just like looking like around like, OK, but where, you know. But again, this place doesn't look like it's been touched forever, right? And projecting, like coming from seemingly everywhere, it's almost like there are loudspeakers everywhere. But it's probably more like a prestidigitation, something like that, or something akin to that, like ophthalmogurgy, something like that.

Hail's voice is going to be very audible in this big open space. Y'all just couldn't leave enough alone, could you? Bell looks at Cave, waiting for a witty comeback. If I find that if I get messed with, I tend to mess back. That's a new philosophy of mine. If you'd be so kind as to step out into the daylight here, we could just take care of this real quick and go about our ways. What do you think? The way I see it, I did you a favor by culling your ridiculous crew. Now, I want to give you one chance to roll over and die. You take the bitch of a boss you got, and you start somewhere else, preferably not on this island.

It's interesting how you're saying this not in front of us, or near us, or really anything. Come say it to my face. I need to roll a die to see how sexist he's going to be. Oh, no. Oh, no. Not if he's going to be. It's how sexist. It's on a-- so OK, hold on. On a scale of 1 to 10, how sexist is he going to be? Was he a plus 6, plus 7? A 1. 1. So it's fine. It's not sexist, but it's like, could be worse. It just means he starts the sentence with, I'm not sexist, but-- [LAUGHTER] He's recording a TikTok in his truck. Microaggressions. [LAUGHTER] You ought to be careful, little lady.

I have been a gentleman up until this point. But if you're seeking aggression, I will give you aggression. Whatever it is you think that you've got up your sleeve, I think that it's probably not as much as you think it is. Men like you tend to think they've got more than they've got, you know what I mean? Oh, I guarantee you mine is bigger than yours. I mean, if we're docking guts, then you win, absolutely. Otherwise, get your stupid ass out here, and let's end this. I'm exhausted. Let's go. From behind you, there's this large gate that's going to slam shut.

And you're going to hear this mechanical whirring and peeking up from the ground. It's going to start to kind of split open. And it looks like there's a piece of machinery here that hasn't been used in a while. And it almost looks like a dome popping up out of the ground. And then you're going to see two sets of hands. And it's going to start to pull itself out of the ground. And what this is is a Warforged Titan that's been retrofitted to drill and mine and strip away. So ladies and gentlemen, I give you the last fight of your encounter. Cave says, don't destroy it.

We could use one of those. Bell gingerly looks at Floss and goes like, he's one of us. Exactly. That's what I was going to say. Hello. Hello. It's a big you. That's-- I love that Dr. Bell is like, yes, yes, I am a Warforged. You got to live the gimmick is the thing.