Enough is Enough - Part 1

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

[CLINKING] Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. I think they mean us. Oh, [BLEEP] Um-- [CLEARS THROAT] With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold, Olympic highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, only on Peacock. Coming to Apple TV+ on August 9th. You're the Marine? Yeah, you're the ex-con. Yeah, I did time, but you don't got to cast aspersions at me. From the director of Mr. and Mrs.

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Today we're catching up with The Grey. And I really hope you guys enjoy this episode, because it was a lot of fun to record. We also just recorded a brand new Fire brand that will be going up really soon. And we're obviously closing up stuff with Vanguard. And it's a lot. This arc's been really fun to do. And we're already setting up stuff for next arc, obviously. We're also writing a book and getting ready to launch a show on October 31st. That's called The Therian Tales. And it is just a story podcast. There's going to be six episodes for the first season.

And if it takes off, if people like it, we'll do more. In any event, let me get out of your way so you can listen to a couple of words from our sponsor. Please don't go anywhere. We'll be right back. Let's do that thing. We're going to go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Michael. Michael's muted. Still muted. You're right. I am. Holy moly. I was like, I shouldn't be. I look at my green light. I'm like, I'm totally not muted. I am-- all right, anyway. Can I say, none of you guys have to mute.

It's fine. I like to hear you giggle and have fun. It's fine. You're not-- Are you sure? Yes. What if I fart? Even better. That's prime Patreon content. That's somebody's thing. We can make money off that. I don't want to get a Patreon unless they pledge more money. $10 per fart to the Kickstarter. Well, no, we're going to-- She just added "tear" for inappropriate noises. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to edit that out and put it in the-- yeah, the D&R Onlyfans. That's our spiciest content. Check out this buxom drow. I'm sorry, Michael. Oh, it's totally fine. It's me.

I don't even know why I hit mute. Anyway, I'm Michael. I play Takkar, the barbarian bard. And Mandy. Hi, guys. Mandy and I play Lee Argent, the human fighter. And Alex. Hello, I'm Alex. I play Tobin, the tiefling, drunken master monk. And last and certainly not least, our fearless leader, our woman with the plan, the shoulders of which all this rides on. Don't like that. The one who would never fail us, Karen. Hello, I'm Karen, and I play Delphine, the elven cleric. So we're going on a hunt today, guys. Your mission is so clear. You go out, you're going to kill a varisaur.

How hard could that be? Not hard. Not that hard, right? Not that hard. I don't believe you. For those of you out there who are longtime listeners, you may remember back-- holy shit-- back in arc one. A row back. Jeez. It's been so many years ago. Like, we're talking six, seven years ago. Group two was traveling to Talor, and they wandered past this giant lizard thing. And they didn't really have a lot of time to look into it, but that was the carcass of a varisaur. So really big. And then something even larger killed that, but we'll get into that another time right now.

All you're looking for is a varisaur. I hate that. So you're going to be hunting this thing down, killing it, and then bringing back a piece of it to the Lion Folk to kind of prove that you are worthy of a seat at the table. And hopefully you guys can start a long and prosperous friendship, a business partnership, and maybe get some vengeance on some uppity githzerai. Gear lies, group gray. Wouldn't be my first dead group. Hey. I would like to remind everyone, we've been in, like, three fights this entire arc. And they've all went great. The last one in particular was so good.

I mean, we had a good one on the boat. Our first one on the boat. That was a good one. Yeah. I mean, I'd like to think the last one taught you guys some stuff, right? So this is your Rocky III. Clever Lang fucks you up, and then you have to hit the montage stuff. You've got to get hungry again. You need that eye of the tiger. If he dies, you die. You need a palo. That's four. But also-- I like four better than three. Four is the Russian one? Yes. That's Ivan Drago. What's the third one? Third one is Mr. T. Oh, Mr. T. Yeah, OK, got it. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep. I love that I've never seen a single one of these, but I know exactly what you're talking about because you talk about them all the time.

You know what? Let's-- hold on. She's not wrong. But let's-- you know what? Let's-- I feel attacked. And because of that-- No, no. Let's start in the 1970s with Rocky. Now, 1976, to be specific, it was our nation's bicentennial, and that was actually the cornerstone of the plot. You see, Apollo Creed was looking for a worthy challenger, but mostly it was kind of a-- I'd rather TPK than this. Wow. That is disrespectful to Mr. Carl Weathers, and I will not stand for that. Also, in the city of Philadelphia, like, how dare you, Karen? Oh, who gives a fuck about Philadelphia?

I love Philadelphia. Like, look. It's-- look. You treated me right when I was there. Thank you. It was by accident, I assure you. What? Because they didn't notice you were there. That's the only reason. They would have threw batteries at you or some shit. Like, they're terrible. Oh. I dress nice. I dress real nice. Oh, OK. I was a salesman. I had no other choice. I was, like, wearing khakis every goddamn day. Anywho, I need one of you to give me a flat D20, because this is going to kind of set the pace. How you're going to run into a pharosaur essentially, because you know where the nesting grounds of one is.

It's been pointed out to you on the map. And you know essentially how to avoid a lot of danger. But there's a couple of variables I want to throw at you guys today based on some dice rolls. So the first one is, how are you going to run into this pharosaur? Now, I'm going to give you an option. You can use the dice tower and not know. Or you could just throw it on the table and know what you're walking into. Oh, cool. I'm going to be asking for three rolls. I don't want to do any of those. So-- I would say volunteers get inspiration. Oh, I'll do it. I'll do it right away.

Oh, I'll do it. I'll do it now. I'll do it immediately. I will do it while playing my pan flute. Oh. I'll do it. I'll do it by throwing in-- can I throw in the tower? Is it OK, guys, if I throw in the tower? Yeah, do it. I don't think I want to know either. Woo, secret roll. I don't know what it is. Look at that face. It's a face in his writing. Let me write that down. That's bad. He just-- We just can't stop him. You are far too comfortable with calling me a liar. You do it all the time. Yeah, because it's not that-- you know what it is? You're great at misdirection.

It's not lies. It's just like you love-- it's like if you watch Ultra Carbon, when he learns how to break out of VR prisons and stuff, or like those mental prisons, she's like, get to the next screen. That's you. You're just like, I'm going to move to the next screen. Everyone's still looking at my face, but in my mind, I've already made 12 plans. It's great. There are two factions here. And I need a role for each one of them to see what's going to be happening today. Let's start with Mandy. Can I just get a flat D20 role? I just need to see something. OK. [INTERPOSING VOICES] I'm going to put a cracker in my mouth.

It's fine. Who knew you were going to be on mic today? It's totally fine. [LAUGHTER] I tried to go wheat thin, and I wanted to go wheat thin. OK. What flavor wheat thin? It's very important. It's regular. Oh, OK. Well, that's fine. OK, dice tower or-- I'm disappointed. What? Either one. I'm going to dice tower. All right. Two dice now. Flat D20, right? We're both right. You're feeling it. Mm. [LAUGHTER] I don't even know what it is. Confidence. You did great, whatever it is. Michael, you are up next. Just need a flat D20. Sure. And I'm going to be a follower and put it in the tower.

Tower, tower. Look at that number. It's so nice. That's a good number. Now, what I'm going to do is I'm going to take a screenshot of these three rolls. So later on, no matter what happens, I can show them to you, and you can go, fine. Now-- Man, that's not a good sentence at all. [LAUGHTER] I mean, it's probably going to be more like, yeah, that sounds like our luck. Yep. You guys are going to be out traveling now for a day and a half. You're going to make camp. You're going to avoid a lot of the political dangers. You've gotten really good at A, knowing who to duck and who not to duck.

And on your map, you've been given some highlighted areas of like, OK, these are usually patrolled by the Arizar. Don't give these things wide berth. We just want to see if you can kill this Varasaur. So after a day and a half, you're going to get to the area where one of these big bastards is supposedly hiding. Now, I think Karen should lead us off, because she's probably leading the party, right? Yeah, totally. Right out in front. OK, Delphine, this is what I need. Give me a survival check. Sure. Oh, actually, it's not bad. Yeah. 11. OK. Can I get a perception from you as well, please?

Oh, god. Aye. 19. That was the scariest slo-mo. Holy shit. It's like, oh, gotcha. Eight, so I could get a 10. So the day you wake up in this area, I imagine there's a little bit of a team meeting. And around breakfast, you guys are kind of sitting down. It's like, OK, at some point today, probably around lunch-ish, we're going to be in an area where we need to keep our heads on a swivel. We know that one of these things at least is out here, and it could kill us. So we all need to work together. So at a certain point, you're all moving very slowly. It's almost like you're walking through a minefield, right?

Because these things can burrow underground and wait for someone to walk over them, and then boom. Some of you have some experience with animals like that on the show, and it never goes well. Zach comes to mind. Oh. Mandy? So you know. Yeah. You know. It's a good thing your character has tons of hit points. It's going to be cool. Oh, that's the opposite. What? Is it? That's so good. That's so sturdy. It's all right. Dophene's the strongest one, like Constitution-wise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Not Dophene. I was going to agree with you. Oh, Dophene is. I ruined the joke.

Ignore me. I mean, that costume's fine. Well, I'm going to give you guys a little bit of a good news, bad news situation. This area is just dug up dirt, almost like a backhoe came through here and just dug up a trench out. So it's kind of tough to track something. You were looking for disturbed ground or something like that, and you're going to get to a certain portion of this field. It's kind of set in between two of these large hills overlooking where you are. And Dophene is going to stop dead. Just kind of like hold a hand up. It's like, OK, everybody, hold on.

Stop, stop, stop. Did you feel that? Ah, I bet. There is a good to excellent chance that you are standing directly above a varisaur. And by some miracle, you haven't made enough of a vibration in the ground yet to trigger it, to get it, to attack. Maybe it's full. Maybe it's younger. Maybe it just doesn't have enough hunting prowess yet. But you need to get off of where you're standing from to. I turn it over to our fearless leader, Dophene. Why? Oh, by the way, your first roll was a six. That was me, huh? Well, it's not about who did it. It is about-- oh, no. [LAUGHTER] Don't forget, you all have inspiration.

Yeah. God, we should have brought some of those, like the ammo for the catapult thing. Then we could have thrown it. Oh, the magical ammo. It made a ruckus somewhere else. Like the giant magic shell or whatever the hell it is. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] You know what this is? This is just Dune. We're just playing in Dune. There's a sandworm. Man, I wish we could get a product time with Dune. Man, that'd be great. So a question for the DM. Sure. Like how far-- like this thing is big. If we're on top of it, how far would we have to go to not be on top of it? Well, the landmine analogy is not too far off, right?

Because it's not like a dragon or something. You guys have done that in the desert. It's a lot of loose sand out there. And it's huge. So it does two things. Sand starts to sink down. It's a massive mall that comes up. This is a little different. This thing's more mobile because it's smaller. Again, it's kind of a cross between a T-Rex and a Deathclaw, right? It is meant to eat. So it's not just going to burst up from the ground and then stop. It's going to burst up from the ground and then be there. You know what I mean? So you'll have a few seconds to get out of the way of that initial attack, but its head is massive.

So it's going to come up and just try to snap in some direction to grab an ankle or a foot or something. And yeah, so you'd have to basically run and jump and probably clear about 15 feet or so. Which you could do by jumping, ducking, rolling, that type of thing. You don't have to jump 15 feet from a standing position. That's insane. So imagine you've stepped on a landmine. And it's older, so you know that trigger probably isn't as primed as it used to be. So you're in one of those classic buddy cop '80s action movie things where you're like, OK, OK, OK, then jump.

You know what I mean? It's one of those. Like Murtaugh sitting on the toilet when there's a bomb strapped to it. Oh, man. Classic. Right? Classic. Eat my weapon, baby. You remember Danny Glover and that huge racist? Man, that was dumb. Classic. [LAUGHTER] Oh, man. The world. What a crazy world. So Chuck looks at Delphine and says, I think I have an idea. And he pulls out his ax. [LAUGHTER] What's your idea? Wait, before you do anything, what's your idea? I'm going to throw this that way. And then it's going to go after it. But by the time it comes up, the ax will be back in my hand.

Tobin looks at Tuck and then Delphine. Sounds actually like a good idea. I got in trouble back at the forge for playing with that. But I figure it works here. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right. Wait, so it can land and then come back to you? I can hurl it up to three times a day, expending one charge. Hurling it as if it had the throne property of a range of 60 feet and a long range of 180 feet. Whether it hits or misses, the ax flies back to you at the end of the current turn, landing in your open hand or at your feet as you choose. I like your words.

Well, that is absolutely something you could do. Now, can I get a nature check? Who's got good nature? Who's got the best nature? Not me. Oh, yeah, I forgot. I don't think any of you have-- None of us. I have a zero. Oh, I got plus one. How does the negative one sound? Negative two. Oh, my-- OK, Jesus. Well, then, I think Mandy, there you go. You're the most-- Holy crap, guys. Why did you guys go to one of the most wild continents out there when none of you are-- Because the adventure-- My survival's a plus five, OK? Doesn't that count for anything? The adventure outlined stated we would be doing weapons, not that we'd be in the jungles fighting sandworms from dunes.

This is shit. Well, I got a 13. That's not bad. That is not bad. And I'd like to go back to something one of my colleagues said. The fact that you're out here doing this was not my doing. You guys wanted to pick fights with the locals and do a bunch of stuff. You've got to go along to get along, OK? Representative from Los Angeles does not recognize the speaker from Sacramento. I know the twist in terms of fate mean nothing in terms of like, hey, prepare for this adventure. Psych. Like, there's nothing you can do. Yeah, that was a year and a half ago. That was a pandemic ago.

Like, we're-- We're 50 years in the future. Like, it is-- Yeah, I don't know if that means anything. This is after the fall, Alex. 13, though. That is going to sound like a fairly good idea to Lee. There's one thing. There's a 50/50 chance that this pharosaur is just going to come up from where it is to go attack this thing or slowly make its way underground. They're not great at tunneling. What they're good at is burying themselves and then laying stationary. They're not like worms in that they're-- you know, so Lee would know that there's a 50/50 chance that that will just trigger it to come up from underneath of you anyway.

So yeah, she'll just kind of sit and think and just like look at the others to see if they have ideas and see blank stares because minus two is my god. And just go, well-- I mean, I don't have any better ideas, but it might bite us in the ass. So just be ready to jump. Wait, do you mean like literally bite us in the ass or-- Yes, literally bite us in the ass. So be fucking ready to jump. I was hoping that it was the other way around and that it wasn't literal, but here we are. See, if the ax goes in one direction, then we run in the other direction maybe.

I mean, it's a lot of feet making a lot of noise compared to an ax hitting the ground. It's a really big ax. That's true. But there's four of us. I can't even lift it. To ax or not to ax? OK, I feel like realistically, we throw it and we run, it's going to come for us for sure because that's four sets of thumps that it's going to feel, I'm assuming. I mean, I believe, correct me if I'm wrong, Jason, but all of our characters can understand that this thing definitely waits on the ground because it's good at sensing vibrations. Yeah, it's-- well, you almost got a click-or situation on your hands, right?

I'm definitely getting some click-or vibes, yes. Yeah. Except it's not blind. So once it emerges from the ground, it's still going to see you. Yeah, and it's like seven times or like a billion times bigger than the click-or for sure. It's not that big. It's big, though. Yeah. It's a big boy. I mean, Tobin's going to look at the captain and Lee and say, well, we could run after the ax is thrown in different directions. And he kind of makes his hand like the scatter motion. But that's kind of like-- that's a little too survivalist for my taste. I prefer all of us survived.

Where none of you survived? Well, if we all scatter, it's going to go after a certain-- maybe it goes after one person. You know what I'm saying? I mean, I don't want to be-- like, OK, let's visualize these characters saying that. And you got the character standing in billowy pajamas and wrappings saying it's like, hey, we could split up speaking to the two clad in heavy armor. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. And then like, if you split up, some of you are going to make way more noise and be slower than the other ones. OK. Running no good. I have a breastplate.

I'm not that heavy. It makes noise, though. That's the thing. That's true. [LAUGHTER] I think-- I mean, I guess, personally, axe, throne, and seeing what happens is probably the best option for me, but that's my vote. Yeah, I think we throw it, let it hit, and then wait. And then if you hear rumble rumble coming, like getting bigger, jump. If rumble rumble stays rumble rumble, as we hear it go that way, then we like, all right, stay here. Yeah, I'm inclined to agree. Yeah. Let's throw the axe, find out what happens. Yeah. Yeah, shit. Here lies Group Grey. We just like fuck with the day we're listening to talk.

Great, we're all going to die. And that's how we wrapped up the arc, guys. Do I need to do anything special? Yeah, just tell me, like, how far away you've thrown it. So here's the thing. 60 feet, and you get it back, you know, basically at the end of your turn. 120, you have to wait till the beginning of your turn before it comes back to you. That's mostly for combat stuff. That's-- yeah. We don't want it too far away, though, right? Yeah. Got to get to it. I think he may not come out if he thinks something's coming towards him and not over him it. I don't think I'd be that smart to thinking about that.

I was going to say, that's coding Michael thinking. That's not-- that's not-- I got to be stupid for this moment. Let's see. 60 feet. Do we know-- have I seen, like, some pictures or something how big this thing is to be, like-- I would be like, oh, I would have to at least go this far for it to feel like it would want to move instead of just being-- so if I throw it too close, I know its radius is big enough to just come up where it is. I feel like I know that I want to further-- throw it further than its size to at least try to go towards it. In the meta, this thing is huge.

Yes. So it is 3 by 3. It is-- it's big. You know that it's probably got a move speed of 40 feet. It is-- it's big. So 60 feet would probably do you. I think I'll do 60 feet. All right. Sounds right. Ooh, if it swallows it and then he yanks it back, will that hurt it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's-- yeah. OK. We're jumping ahead, but, like, what's the-- Yeah, yeah. It's like, hey. Thor's like, come on. Any minute now, we'll come back. So you're going to chuck this thing. And here's what I'm going to do. We said that there's a 50/50 shot of this thing coming up. I think we should roll a die.

I think we should see what's-- but I need a volunteer. And you know, I think that's got to be Karen. I was hiding in the corner. I was like, nobody can see me. So I need a flat d20, 1 through 10. This thing's going to come up right from underneath of you. 11 through 20, it's going to kind of, like, slowly make its way over to the axe. OK. So we're hoping for higher rolls. High rolls. Here we go. Yes. Oh, Fates, how cruel are you? Well, that's a 1. I love you all so much. Well, OK. Here we come. Next roll is not going to be on Karen. I feel bad now. Of all the numbers.

Of all the numbers. Yeah, 1's not desirable. So here's what we're going to do. So OK. You're going to throw this axe. And then instantly the ground's going to, like, vibrate and shift underneath of you. So much so that you're like, oh, god, I need everybody to give me a dexterity saving throw. But because that's a 1, I need everybody to do it with disadvantage. And the lowest one is going to have to deal with some stuff. [SIGH] OK, well, I have evasion, so I'm only going to take half damage. If I fail? Again, the guy who is like, hey, let's all run and-- I'm just saying this for myself to feel better about what's happening.

Yeah. I would like you all to know that I have a negative 3. Oh, wow. That's a 20. Tobin got 29. That is a 7 from-- I didn't roll disadvantage. Oh, you didn't roll disadvantage. No. That's an 8 from Lee. Oh, well, 13. Never mind. So now that leaves Karen with a 4. [LAUGHTER] Even with my lowest, I was the highest, but it's still not great. OK, I'm going to set up a map for you guys, I think. There it is. Let's go. I was built for management, not for labor and dexterity. [LAUGHTER] Worst company retreat ever. I wasn't built to clean this. I was built to manage people who cleaned this.

See, on the pamphlet, they didn't say anything about being outside. [LAUGHTER] Why don't we bring health potions? Shoot. We plan ahead. What do you-- Do you have a cleric? I mean, you might have a cleric in five minutes. Let's check back at the end of this round. We messed up because you passed out, and then we were like, oh, well, now we're fucked. And now it might happen again. And now I'm like, oh, shit. Except this thing's not going to take us prisoner. [SIGHS] At the face. That's actually perfect because the mouth is facing toward Delphine, and Delphine fits handily in that mouth.

So it's like-- so here's what we're going to do. Before I ask you guys to roll initiative-- It's true. Sorry. Before I ask you guys to roll initiative, the varisaur is going to get a free attack on Delphine. Now Delphine is going to be laying prone because if-- just this thing erupts and just kind of catches her feet just before she manages to use solid ground to leap away. So she's going to be laying prone. So this is going to be with advantage. One attack, one bite. Oh, we're going to drop a one to take an 11. 22 will hit. Yep. Here comes a damage. Oh, I'm sure there's like some thing on top of it, too.

Probably like grappled or something. Wallowed. Oh, 31 damage. We're idiots. You're also grappled. I got it! You're-- You hoe. We're going in. Can everyone please roll initiative? Oh my god. It was good. That was good. Hell yeah. There we go. It's a good show. There we go. Tuck. There we go. It was me. Delphine! She's taking a nap. It's mechanically-- Sure. You know what? This creeps out. That does-- yeah, I imagine you're a little stunned. So that's a negative one for initiative. What's just-- She definitely is built for management for sure. Oh, that's funny. She is. My manicure.

Hey. Five. Yeah, five. So the varisaur's going to go before Delphine, but that's not saying much. Round one. Tobin. OK. Tobin looks at Tuck. We're pretty far from each other, huh? We're not that close. Yeah, like you guys took off running. He's going to shout, hey, big guy. Time to step in the ring. And then against my better judgment, I'm going to move closer to the varisaur. And as Tobin's running, he's just like, what the fuck am I doing? 25, 30. Wow. I got there. Yeah, I got there. I am a targeting young varisaur. Yeah, this is a young one. Oh, wait. It's not even a full-- Hey, it's a varisaur.

They just said get a varisaur. Oh, yeah, but if we do survive this and we bring back that leg, they're going to be like, oh, it was just a little baby one. Whatever. It's not a baby. I'd like to see them do this. No, no, no. They shan't treat me with disrespect after this. Imagine the bragging rights you get if you punch a varisaur to death. Which one is the bad one? Which one is the good one? I forget. Oh, I thought you were talking about your fists. And it's like, I don't know. You playing good cop, bad cop? Both my fists are the bad ones. Just a thing. Ivory, a good thing happens.

Well, again, it's subjective. But like Ebony, more dark stuff happens. OK, well, we're going to strike first with Ivory. I'm targeting the varisaur, I believe, yes. And that's not good. 20 hits? Oh, sweet. OK. Here it comes. Oh, that's not-- Eight damage. And then I guess second attack, right? It can follow up with-- what is it? Ebony. 19 will hit. Eight damage. OK, so 16 total. And then I can do-- that was my monk hit, right? So then I can do extra attack. Yeah, you spending it in a key? So for Flurry of Blows, I don't think I have to for the second one. OK. But I think I get an extra attack, actually, because we are level nine now, right?

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So here it goes. It's just chip damage. It's not even disappointing. You're hoping for a crit, though. Yes, I am. So of course, first is Ivory. 19. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Now-- 11 damage. Here comes Ebony. Oh, no, now I have to spend a key point. So yeah, I'll spend a key to do-- let's do Stunning Strike. I think that's the play. Yeah. Is that a con save? Yeah, I have to hit it, though. When you hit another creature with a melee attack, you can spend one key point to attempt a Stunning Strike. Yeah, so-- OK. --go, buddy. This is, again, with Ebony this time. 25.

Cool. So you haven't missed yet. That's been pretty-- well, I mean, how can you miss this thing? Well-- Here comes the damage. And then-- so 10 damage. And I need you to give me, if you don't mind, Constitution saving throw. My save for this, I believe, is-- should be my front page. Oh my god. 24. [LAUGHTER] So I like to envision Tobin just going, like, you know, like, anime assassin with two daggers, just like-- and then the last one, he winds it up, spins the dagger on his finger like it's like one of those ninja knives, punctures the-- it's called the varro-saur?

I'm sorry. Varro-saur? Varro-saur. Punctures the varro-saur, pulls it out, thinking that it's, like, hit a vital organ. Not at all. This thing is still roaring and shaking Delphine in its mouth. You did 37 damage, though. Let's not sell that short. Like, that's-- That's cool and all. That is a fine opening gambit. But, like, this creature is cooler than that, because it can take that much damage and look normal. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, no, we're not even near bloody-- not-- yeah. So-- I think I'm done. Takkar. OK. So Takkar is going to pull out his pan flute. [LAUGHTER] And he's going to look at this varro-saur.

And yes, I generated this, so ha. Going to look at it and yell, I'm doing you a favor by smashing up that rancid pile of rotten meat you call a face and cast Vicious Mockery at the varro-saur. Which, luckily, in the text, it says it doesn't have to understand what I'm saying. I was about to say, yeah, I don't think it's-- it knows it's been dissed so long. Classic bard brome. You can understand the nuance. It gets the tone. Oh, what is this, like a wisdom save? Yes. Oh, that's not great. Awesome. It's not amazing. Eight. That's going to fail. And then I think it actually gets to be a 2d4, but I think this is only just to-- one.

I don't know if this will work. I need to do another one of these. OK, so three damage. So three. And then the part that actually matters more is that he will have disadvantage on his next attack roll before the end of its next turn. Classic. That's going to come in handy, because this first one's probably going to be a chomp down, like he's going to-- Yep. And then I'm going to come right up to him after that. Lee. OK, so I'm going to go-- let's see. Hey, do I get advantage, because it's a Krissy Krassy? You absolutely do. Well, wait, wait, wait. Can you aim?

You'd have to be standing where Tuck is. I can't use my long reach to-- Oh, that's right. You have a polearm. I do have a polearm. Oh, yeah, then you're good. I was like, oh, dear. Actually, is there any way to get Delphine out before I-- Come here, out of his mouth. Skorky, get over here. I mean, if you got its attention hard enough, then-- OK, well then, we'll just keep hitting it. We'll hit it until it drops her. Have you ever played an MMO? Yes. Ah, OK, what you're trying to do is get at her right now. You need to-- yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to hit it harder, more dots.

Your cleric is in the mouth of this big bad, and you need to-- Get hate. Taunt it. OK. So if this were an actual MMO, Karen would be screaming-- Yeah, we'd be getting real bad. --on Discord right now. I'll let you-- I'll put you in her face. What the fuck are you doing? [LAUGHTER] Or-- OK. OK, so then-- Are you eating chips on the mic? Get that fucking Wheat Thin out of your mouth and say-- I swear to God, Mandy. OK, so then I'm going to stab it with my Glaive of Certain Death. Ooh, fancy, with advantage. Hey. 27 will hit. Then I'm going to expend a superiority die to do my damage, and then I'll do my thing.

So I'm going to-- Nice. Boop boop. That much-- 20 damage. 20 damage. And then I'm using menacing attacks. So I'm going to-- I'm trying to-- before, I'm just doing swirl, swirl, swirl, swirl, swirl, you know, like, swirl, swirl, swirl, and then stab, stab, stab, just to try and taunt it, like, to make it scared of me. And then it'll drop my boss, and hopefully-- so it has to make a save. I see. Does this force it? Yeah. 12. It fails. And so it is frightened until the end of my next round. Whoa. You just frightened that dinosaur, dude? I scared the-- yeah, it doesn't-- I don't think it says, like, there's any dis-- Is there a size difference?

Because usually there's-- Not on this one. The size differences are for strength ones. You never punched the bear on the nose, Jason? You never done that? No, no. I mean, sometimes there's, like, oh, if it's two sizes greater than you or something. Those are the strength ones. And so it's like, yeah, I can't do those. Yeah. I feel like the xerasaur would be the one that would have, like, not to, like, save it and give it any-- This is a young one. --tails, but. And then I'm just going to keep hitting it. This is a young one. Yeah. Keep hitting it in the face. 28 again.

That'll hit. Keep hitting it with stuff. Then-- Eight damage. --I'm going to use the other side of my glaive. Hit it with the butt. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Oh. You're still hitting. It's still hitting. It'll hit. OK. It's big. It's big. OK. Eight damage. Strong butt of the-- Yeah, I'm going to wait. And I'm going to end right there. So you're going to wait to do-- Because, like-- How much more did you have? I have an axistrager, where I'm like, what if this is the thing that goes-- as a result of being bloody, it's like, that's when I want to kill it. Madam, I would never. You're a liar.

And I have never. I don't remember what the stats are, because I didn't want to look. So I'm like, OK, there might be a thing. I don't know. I'm going to-- that's what I'm going to miss about this system, I think, in the Cortex. What's the equivalent for Jason in this new system as a result of being bloodied? What are the cards? What do they look like? I mean, well, gee, we'll just-- I guess I just don't have anything. Liar. I guess. Fuck that shit. I was watching-- I was a little bit pissed off. I was watching that Cortex video, by the way. And it was like, there's not really a use for d20s.

I was like, there will be, because Jason will give up his travel tables over his dead body. Right. Yeah. He said it's like, oh, d20s are dead to us. It's like-- [LAUGHTER] Can I interest you in some travel tables? They come with d20s. He's just going to convert it to d20s. You know he is. Varisaur's turn. Well, let's see. It's got to move away from you. Or at least can't move closer to you. Yeah, it just can't move closer to me, but also has disadvantage on ability checks and attack rolls while I am in line of sight. And also has disadvantage on the first attack because of our bard, which is a sentence I never thought I would say in a million years. [LAUGHTER] Our bard barrier.

Well, then you know what? As a bonus action, it is going to flick Delphine away in its mouth. So picture this thing just having this massive mouth, but also these arms and hands that can hold. But he's going to just flip Delphine away and towards this rocky cliff face over here. So good news is you're no longer in the mouth of the Varisaur. Bad news is-- You hate me. I don't hate you. I love you, Karen. This just might be the second character you've had with a concussion. [LAUGHTER] See? God, I can't get any stupider in this one, though. Yeah. Your mental faculties in this scenario are very important.

So here's what we're going to do. I just need a constitution saving throw from you. OK. And as long as it's 13 or higher, you're just going to take just a couple of dices worth of damage. Why you got to put a number on it? [LAUGHTER] Oh, 21. So look, we're just going to cost a couple of d6s. Suba-da-blam. That didn't roll in the thing. Let's try that again. And 11. Almost so. Max. Oh. That's not great. Boop, boop. [GROAN] But you are away. You are away from the Varisaur. That frees up its mouth. Let's try and tail smack Takkar and then bite Tobin. Sound good? No, but it's going to happen.

Yeah, this isn't like a-- It's not a discussion. Tail smack. Oh. Disadvantage. Going to roll a crit mentally scarred. No matter. It's a fucking dinosaur. What? Well, hold on. It's already afraid. Maybe it brought back something from when it was a hatchling or something. Like, something happened. Lee's been here before. [LAUGHTER] Well, I need another d20 to see what table this thing rolls on. 15. Nothing happens. You are fine. It's fine. Don't worry, guys. It just missed the attack. Suspicious. Well, now it's going to try-- it's suspicious. It's going to try and bite Tobin.

Bite. Because Lee's right there. Oh. Another crit won. [LAUGHTER] That's not great. Wow. Delphine. Hi. I'm going to do this thing where I'm going to cure my wounds. Good idea. Don't come closer. Stay there. Stay there, boss. [LAUGHTER] Play dead. I'm going to do it at a fourth level. Whoa. Because I hurt a lot. Right? Eight, six-- yeah. Fourth level. So hold on. These are my extra dice first. So I add it as a modifier. So that way, you don't have to do maths. Oh, I forgot to-- oh my god, I forgot to target myself. Oh, wait. I was already targeting myself anyway. It just doesn't matter.

There you go. OK. Forget. I panic. Good stuff. I imagine I need to stand up, though. Because I'm probably on the ground. Yeah. Yeah, if you landed feet first-- It just cracked one of my ankles. [LAUGHTER] I'm just going to move over a little bit. Just so I'm like-- So well out of reach. Yeah, but within friend range. OK. And that's all I can do right now. Ladies and gentlemen, that was round one. It's going fantastically for you. I got to do one thing and add a couple of-- just a couple of things here. Here comes mama, mama varisaur. God, I probably just moved closer to whatever it was.

Because that's just my-- Look at that, guys. You're all going before the varisaur. This is great. Oh, yeah. I forgot we did the truffle shuffle before. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The truffle-- To car. [LAUGHTER] Who's got the best perception here? I'll go Delphine, right? Plus two for me. Yeah, it's a plus nine. Yeah. Yeah, that's-- A five. OK. Well, when it's Delphine's turn, I'm going to need a perception check right at the top of the-- just like, boom, right at the top. And then you get to do whatever you're going to do. But to car. To car's up right now. All right. Pan flute's still out. [LAUGHTER] I'm going to play a melody that sounds dark and creepy and make it-- and play a song associated with dissonant whispers.

And I'm going to, as I'm singing, whisper some things into it, probably threats and how ugly it looks. So I will then cast this on him. And we'll see if I can wrack him with pain. You're off to a good start. 12, it's going to fail. Wow. Holy shit. Awesome. It's all wisdom. You guys are cheating. [LAUGHTER] Why not strength or constitution? Those are all me. Those are all mine, though. So I don't have a choice. All right. And so damage. Yeah. Three. We'll get to the bigger stuff in a bit. And then so from that, he-- read this again. On a failed save, it takes 3D-- really?

Wait a minute. Did it roll a D? It rolled a D4. That's weird. On a failed save, it takes a 3D6 psychic damage. I think you hit Vicious Walkthrough instead of dissonant whispers. Yeah. Yeah. You did. It did. Yeah. So he-- oh, because I had it open. Let me close that. Actually, it says 1D4 on this as well. That's weird. I can fix that. That's-- Raw. I'll just do 3D6. Here. There we go. 14. That's not bad. All right. And then on a failed save, 3D6 psychic damage and must use its reaction-- must immediately use its reaction, if available, to move as far as its speed allows away from you.

And the creature does not move into dangerous-- obvious dangerous ground, such as fire. So he just wants to run away from me now. Oh, shit. So way back there. Sure. Hopefully that's not close to the thing that anyone might perceive. And then at the end, I'm going to-- as he runs away, I'm going to grin and switch to my axe and howl and rage as my bonus action. Ooh. Like the opposite of the pan flute. [LAUGHTER] That is my turn. That'll bring up Tope. That's open, turns around, looks at Tuck. Why didn't you start doing that before? Scowls. Switching to my gun.

How many bullets do I have? I know I pulled out a gun. Then I pulled out my gun. How many bullets do I have? How many bullets? [LAUGHTER] I don't think I listed how much ammunition I had for this thing. Not a tremendous amount, considering they were just invented. Yeah, the box wasn't very large. I think for the bullets, it was like five. I don't remember. I believe you get six. Six rounds total. Well, he takes aim and prays a little, like, please let this work. And then knife higher. Ay. One T3 will hit. Let me remove one ammo here. Oh, it's ready. It does it for me.

So you just-- Yeah, you just scattershot this thing. Why can't I click on it anymore? Oh, there you go. Here comes the damage. Oh, wow. No, that's the wrong-- That's the hit. Sorry, that's the wrong button. This is it right here. Ay. 14 damage. Cool. So it's just like a-- it's like an-- I envisioned-- you said it was like an old school hunting rifle, where it's just like really low. Yeah, just like an elephant gun almost. Like it just-- The recoil, pow. Just pepper him up nicely. He just like, totally grabs his shoulder. Oh, wow. Oh. And then I'm going to move. 5, 10, 15, 20.

That's the end of my turn. Hey, Delphine, can I get a perception check, please? Sure. 22. That was almost a 5. I know. On the cliff above you-- so this is like-- this is a good like 30 feet up. You're going to see a few heads pop up over-- like over the ridge. Like you can now see them. And they're looking down. And you see Master Armsman Berthol kind of like Captain Morgan-ing over the side looking. And a couple of his subordinates, including the Pain Master. And one of them is going to yell down to Delphine specifically. I see you finally found an opponent you could match wits with.

Delphine, your turn. I hate you. Honestly, she's just going to flip him off. How dare he? Well, that-- I hate this. I hate it so much. I'm just going to cast Bless on everybody, I think. So you guys get an extra d4 to your attack rolls and saving throws. Oh, I should probably do it to myself too. Yeah, you might need that. Might need that, huh? Yeah, that's it. That's all I can do. Lee, it's your turn. Oh, man. It's a little too far. I don't want to go up to it. Well, can't get closer to me. Fuck. Yeah, it's like you got a restraining order. Yeah. OK. Yeah, she's going to just be like, oh, shoot.

And then stab her glaive into the dirt and pull out some hand axes because she's just going to toss them at it. Because, yeah. I hope you do better than I did, because that shit's hard. Axe throwing's hard. It's hard. Oh, why did I have a-- oh, because of the Blast thing. Bless. The Blast thing, yeah. Oh, yeah. I said, what the fuck was that? OK. 31 will hit. OK. And do this much. Nine damage. And I'll throw the other one. Holy shit, 30 will hit. Six damage. And then I'm going to, I think, back up here just to be next-- close to Delphine. Not next to you, just because, you know, spread out a little.

And, you know, I out-bet the thing-- the guys above and just like, ugh, gross. And stay there. As a result of being bloodied. Oh, god, it's so far away. This thing is going to let out a roar, shake off all status effects, and gain advantage on its next two attacks. How-- what a coincidence that there's two people in front of it. That's perfect. Glad I raged. Yeah, that's probably good. Me too, yeah, totally. I raged. Yeah. I've been teaching you on the side. Oh, god. Fuck. He hit the brakes. So this thing is going to swat at T'kar and bite at Tobin. With advantage, tail.

Drop in a three to take a 13, 24 will hit. 24 damage. What kind of damage is that? Bludgeoning. Oh, you know what? You didn't do the thing, did you? I didn't do the thing. I always-- I just say it, but I didn't do it. All right. Effect, I am raged. That's 12 damage instead. There you go. And Tobin. This is going to hurt. We don't know that. Advantage, bite. Oh, drop in a 13 to take a 17, 28 will hit. 28 damage. I take all of it. You are grappled and restrained. I mean, I can't run anyways. Well, yeah, grappled is you can't run. Restrained, I believe, means you can't attack.

Or you get disadvantage. Or you get disadvantage. Something like that. There's like three different grappled. Yeah, paralyzed, restrained, and grappled. Petrified is another-- it's a lot. Paralyzed is the worst one. Yeah, we learned that with the chicken fight. Petrified. Yep, yeah. And I get disadvantage on deck saving throws. Yeah. From being restrained, yeah. That'll end the Verasaur's turn, and that is the end of round two. From the top, you're going to hear them call down again. It seems as though you're having some trouble. Allow us to assist. And they're going to whip a fireball down here.

Oh. Hey, you don't want that. Dexterity saving throw from everybody. We're looking for a 16. Oh, god. From everybody. Or higher. That's automatically going to hit the Verasaur and Tobin. But cool thing about me, I have evasion. Can you evade if you're restrained? Yeah, it just says anytime I'm forced to make a deck saving throw for an effect of an attack. You just wiggle? I guess. Or I shift to a different tooth in its mouth and move. Oh, no, I'm going to redo. I'm using indomitable. Okay, so we're ditch that 10. See if that's any better. That's better. 22 is way better.

So save. Deck save, please. Shoot for 16 or higher. Oh, my god. 21 and 20. Oh, my goodness gracious. That's hot. So Tobin and this Verasaur. Well, the Verasaur is taking full damage. Everyone else is taking half damage. So yeah, now we just need damage. Wait, do I still take half damage even though I got a natural 20? I feel like there should be something else for that. Oh. Quarter damage. 37 damage. Cut in half, of course. So what's that? 18? I am Mima times. I'm asleep. I'm down. Yeah, that'll knock Tobin out and 30 total for Tuck. So shit. Top of the order, Tuck.

Takkar, you are up. I can't do any more bardy stuff, so I'm going to just continue my rage. Seeing Tobin down only makes me more mad. And I'm going to just hit it with my axe and call out in my head to the axe. Let's take this SOB down and... I'm still targeting him because I know I was targeting myself before too. Not targeting me. I don't know if that makes a difference. And right, here we go. Oh my God. Do you want to use your inspiration? Does that work for that? Is that? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Would you like? Yes, yes, yes. Okay, good. Please. Okay. So would you like to know what that was that you rolled?

What was it? Exposed Flesh. The next bit of damage done to you will be done every round until you're healed. Oh Jesus. That is why we're doing this. Then let's reroll that attack. Oh my God. 21 will hit. And then this. 12 damage. Alrighty. I don't think I can do anything else. Nope. I'll just growl at it. Don't you get two attacks? Do I? Oh, that's right. I do. I do. Yeah, we're level nine. You're level nine, bud. I have forgotten. This tells me I need to put you guys in more dangerous situations. More fights will make you remember. Try this again. 26 will hit. 14 damage to the Verusaur.

Alrighty. Now for sure, I'm good. Tobin, can I get a death saving throw, please? Oh no. I still am blessed. Oh well, it's a one. So that's not great. Verusaur is up. It's going to attempt to swallow you. And then tail swipe to car. So I need a constitution saving throw to see if you go down sideways or something like that, or you just slide right down like a duck eating. Well, I have a D4 at least. Yeah. Yikes. I'm in. That was almost a 16. That was almost. I do have inspiration if I'm allowed to use that. Do you want to use? Yeah, I'd rather use it now. Or do you want to save that for a death saving throw?

No, if I die by death saves, that's fine. I believe that's a fair death. Okay, let's do it. Hey. Oh, I got a crit. A crit 20. So he's going to try and swallow you and you're just like, like some of your wrapping is hung up on a tooth. So he's just like, oh, come on, man. Come on. Like, he's just trying to, you know, he is going to tail swipe to car, though. So you are hanging inside his mouth, dangling above his uvula. Haha. Oh, 29 will hit to car. 21 damage partially persisted. So we'll bring that down to 10. Hey, you are up. Okay. So as she's moving into position, one, two, three.

Yeah, that's good. Shoyo back at Delphine is like, get away from the cliff. Just let's see if we can get away from the cocksuckers up there. And this is a family show. Mandy, isn't it? No. This isn't Deadwood. Jeez. Like, let's check. Start slashing at. Oh, okay. Good. Not the way. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was so close to a 1. Oh, God. 17 will hit. PTSD flashes right there. Cool. Um, I'm going to use a superiority die. Let's do the damage. 11 damage. And then it's going to do menacing attack fail. Wow. It's going to roll a four. Yeah. Then I'm going to check in. 30 damage.

Oh, sorry. 30 attack. That'll hit. Seven damage. Okay. And now I'm going to use my action surge to try and get this down. Oh, actually, I'm going to do my other side first. Use the butt of the glaive. Oh, God. That's a crit miss. Would you like to use your inspiration? Two, so it's not rolling on the football table. So no. I'll just take it. Okay. And then I'm going to use my action surge to hit the food. Can I say that blast is working overtime? Yeah, sure is. Is this really going to help? But yeah, it's really helping. It's really helping. There's been a lot where that three or four has been heavy lifting. 24 will definitely hit nine damage to the varisaur.

It just kept stacking at it, and then she's going to two, three, and then go over this way. Wander away. Yeah. All right. In the olden days, Bane was a thing that I would use to help out because it subtracts from the bad guys. Yeah, Bane. And then if you got larked and blessed at the same time. Yeah. Those are the things. Delphine is going to look up the cliff above her and say, "Hey, how about you just fuck off?" I really have no energy for this guy. You're actually going to hear some very smug laughter coming. It's chatter that you can just barely hear because it kind of echoes over and just kind of like just kind of that.

And then you're going to hear like a clattering, but like it's yeah, they might be preparing for something else. Fucking bunch of bitches. That's all I have to say. They are definitely making your job tougher. I am going to get away from the cliff a little bit. I'm going to move down some kind of like between Tuck and Lee, and then I'm going to target everybody and everyone is going to get a mass cure wounds. Hell yes. Wow. For 17. I love it. I have risen. Points for a fifth level spell. That's not great, but it's still life. But it's still. Yeah, exactly. I mean, Tobin's trying to be swallowed over here.

That helps. Like, that's a big deal. Yeah, yeah. I'm not that. Anything else? No, that's all I can do. So as you're casting this mass cure wounds and and honestly, for someone like Tobin, that is a big that's a big deal again. Half his life coming back like he's going to wake up and just dangling as this as this Verasaur is like shaking him vertically like he's a fucking snack that didn't fall down in the machine and he's just like, come on, like just and the way the sun is kind of positioned in the sky. It's it's kind of northwest from you. So it's it's shining down.

It kind of makes the areas are hard to see. Like you can see their silhouettes for a bit and then your eyes had to adjust or you're going to see shadows like it's almost like something's like flying by. From the opposite side. And if you were to cast your eyes up, it's the Arachna leaping from one side of that cliff over to the other. That's the clattering you were hearing is them kind of laughing at you, then looking up and go, oh shit. Like they're completely caught off guard by that because they're dicking around with you. So there's a kerfuffle going on up top.

That's going to bring us to round four. Lee, you are kicking us off. Oh, hashtag Team Arachna. Yeah. Hell yes. All right. So I'll buy another cat. I'm just going to be like, oh, thank God. You just fucking and going to just keep sloshing at this darn dinosaur thing. 24 will definitely hit. Do I want to use a superiority die? You're going to die. Fuck it. Let's just keep it. Let's let it die in fear. Okay. So I'm going to do damage first. 13 damage. Then it has to make a wisdom saving throw. God damn it. Six. And so it is constantly frightened of Lee because Lee is a scary motherfucker.

And going to just keep attacking it, making it sad. Oh, Jesus. That was almost a 19. But again, that bless bless 14 will hit. Thank you, Karen. Love you. You're welcome. I'm glad I'm useful. Nine. Then going to use the butt. 27 and do more damage. Eight damage. And Yep, I've done all the things. Takara, you are up. All right. I flourish my axe and attack with my awesome axe and reaching out to see if this thing has anything to say about, like, the situation we're in or like, let's do this. And the tanks. 23 will hit. Awesome. I'm also going to apply my defensive flourish to this and use one of my bardic inspirations for it.

Oh, so close to be a six. Two. So that'll add two to my damage plus add two to my AC. Oh, shit. That's why I love it. What the hell is this? Oh, okay. I read that differently. I thought that was many saying, please kill me. I thought popped up 14 damage will kill the verisaur as this verisaur starts to reel and try to try to, like, shake off these hits. It's going to fall backwards. Mouth agape and Tobin is going to come spilling out of it. Still kind of hung up on one of those teeth, like, just trying to rip the bandage off. And as that happens, as the verisaur hits the ground, one of these gifts are going to be tossed from the top of that cliff and fall flat on its back and not move 30 feet down next to you.

And we're going to continue this fight. Guys, the last episode of your arc is going to be the next time we sit down. Win, lose or draw, something big is about to happen. But I think that's a good time for us to stop for the night. We survived. You guys kind of survived. I got saved. Thank you. You're alive. I mean, it's because you got fireball to the face. Yeah, I was like, I got dodge. I'll be fine. I got a V. That's because halfway through the fight, a new fight starts. I was really hoping because I'm like, there's no way they're just gonna like, let us go by ourselves.

And there's like, no accountability for how we got this leg. Yeah, they were keeping an eye on you. And the the gifts, right? We're just watching you the entire time to see how you'd handle things in town. They figured they would apply some pressure on you there, but then you just left town. So they were like, Okay, let's see where this goes. So they weren't even trying to kill you so much as toy with you. Harassments. This is harassment. Yeah, I would like to file a restraining order. We got a throw down on our hands, guys. We'll be right back after these words from our sponsors.

Please don't go anywhere. So next episode for Gray is going to be their last one. And it's weird. I feel like we just started this arc even though it was well over a year ago. But we'd love to hear what you've thought about it so far. Send us an email at dandrpodcast@gmail.com. That's dandrpodcast@gmail.com. Or you can hit us up on our Discord. It's free for everybody. You can hit us up on Facebook and Twitter and all that good stuff. Don't forget, our brand new show is starting October 31st. That's called The Therian Tales. And it's going to be kicking off with a big spooky story.

Not all of them are going to be spooky. And there's only going to be six episodes for the first season. If it's successful, then we'll make more, obviously. But it's been an itch we've wanted to scratch for a long time. On top of that, if you did miss the Kickstarter, we will be putting up a backer kit store pretty soon where you can buy stuff piecemeal. And to everybody who did back it and share it, thank you so much. We really, really do appreciate that. We'll be back next week with a brand new episode. It'll be posted at the regular time. And again, we should be back on track until the end of the arc.

Everybody take care. We'll see you guys next week. And until then, good luck with your games.