Incident

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

(CLINKING) Peacocks. This summer, during the biggest sporting event of the year, Peacock turns to two broadcasting legends for the Olympics coverage you can't find anywhere else. Um, I think they mean us. Oh, s***. Um... (CLEARS THROAT) With an incredible duo sure to take home the comedy gold. Olympic Highlights with Kevin Hart and Kenan Thompson. New episodes Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Only on Peacock. (MUSIC FADES) (WATER RUNNING) Hear that? That's what cooked when you order juicy beef sounds like. The steaming hug of two slices of melted cheese, the crunch of tangy pickles and sliced onions, all topped with a toasted sesame seed bun.

That's the sound of a McDonald's Quarter Pounder with cheese. Fresh beef at participating U.S. McDonald's. Excludes Alaska, Hawaii and U.S. territories. Howdy everybody. I thought before we started today's stream I could show you guys a package I got from T-Public. They were kind enough to send us a little bit of a gift here. Obviously we've been working on a ton of stuff and kind of cycling through what's important first. Obviously the show, our hardware, making sure everything works. We just got back from vacation so thank God. It's really tough to do this with one person.

So, um, let's see what they sent us because it's... I have no idea. We're working on new t-shirts and obviously we're going to show those off as soon as we get them finished but we're trying to take anything from an episode that we thought was funny or liked and just trying to make a design out of it. We're not graphic artists but we're trying our best. So if you have suggestions, please hit us with them and we'll do what we can to get them done here. Okay, so, um, holy hell, I think they sent us like four or five t-shirts. Jesus, okay, that's pretty cool.

Oh, I see what they did. Okay, that's really cool. So, uh, we have... God, these are so brand new. We obviously have the Forsaken T here, their logo. It looks like it's off-center. That's because it's not fully in frame. Eh? Well, there you go. Um, some of these are for... Yeah, some of these got to be for Bree because I don't think I wear a woman's medium. I don't think I could pull that off. So, um, man. So, honestly, I can always use more t-shirts. I don't know about you guys but I don't buy clothes for myself all that often and the time I do it is right around Dragon Con.

Usually, I'll spend like a hundred bucks on t-shirts just because I want new stuff, like, I don't know. Um, we have the Pac-Down t-shirt. Oh, man, that looks good in purple, honestly. Oh, that's good stuff. That there's good stuff. Hmm? There you go. Looks a little blue on camera but it's a nice purple. Maybe I'll color correct that for you guys. Eh? I hang my shirts, I don't fold them. That's why it looks so cruddy when I fold them. Uh, a Raven's Tea. Eh? So, obviously, you can get all of these on our TeaPublic store. Um, they have sales quite often, usually it's for 30% off.

Um, and we have one more here. I thought it was going to be an Invasion tea but it's something from Theriathon. Invasion's playing today, don't forget about them. I know it's been since January. They're back. It's okay, we finally... [laughs] Oh, we finally got that going again. Ooh, okay. Eh? There we go, okay. So these, the tarot cards were made for Theriathon and we had a big to-do. And there's a bunch of them on there but we're going to be cycling... We're going to be cycling stuff in and out. Kind of short-term stuff so the store doesn't get crowded. At most we want like eight or nine designs on there so if you see more than that we're going to start cycling out old ones.

So please... Go check it out. Um, I hope you enjoyed today's session. It was a mess to edit but it's done and hopefully nothing like that will ever happen again. So without further ado, thank you and let's get on with the show. Hey everyone, it's Ian from Group Invasion. Thank you for listening to Dungeons & Randomness. We're going to get to the episode real quick here but first I just want to point you out to the Patreon that we have. That's at patreon.com/dandr where you can find a bunch of other games that we've played, a bunch more content, some cool stuff, and modules as well that have been handcrafted for you, the listener.

And you can't get that anywhere else. Also, there's a Discord. That link is available on the Patreon and I think other places too as well as the various social medias that we're on. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, all of them. And you can find them pretty easily. It's probably dandr or Dungeons & Randomness. Or we've got a website too. That's dandrpodcast.com and that's got all that good information as well. So check us out and hope you enjoy the episode. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master.

Going around the table. Start with Michael. Hey, I'm Michael and I play Fenris, the warlock. And Kelsey. I'm Kelsey and I play Calypso Lovelace, the half-elf bard. And James. And James, I play Dagon, the eladrin endurance. And Valerie. Hi, I'm Valerie and I play Matilda Wolfram, the human rogue. And last and certainly not least, Ian. Hey, I'm Ian. My pronouns are he/him and I play the Thedan endurance. I'm in love with you guys. Before we do the intro for every one of these, I like to try and randomize it because I have this weird thing in my head that one of you is going to get mad that you've gone last too many times.

But I also rearrange the cups in the cupboard like they have feelings. And it's like, well, you've been in the back far too long and I'm fucking weird. So that's why I do that. But I genuinely couldn't remember who went first or last. Yeah, I was going to say it's old of you too soon. Let's remember that. Jason, can I say? I understand the cup compulsion thing. It's like, oh, especially if it's like a, it's a mug, it's a customized mug. It's like, oh, Harry Potter, you've been back there for, you know what I mean? Last time we played, it was winter. So let's...

Last time we played I was still a college student. Yes, we were so young and fair. It's been, it's been a while. We should probably do this a little more than I file quarterly taxes. So let's, let's work on that in the future. But right now we have a group coming together for the very first time. Your Avengers moment, but probably not, not as grand. You have a spoiled, cloned, rich boy at the front of this party. Fenris is tagging along the shady grifter. And you have two thugs following them. And then you have this fresh off the boat looking Satan Endurant following the two thugs and then two thugs following him.

And then you got Calypso and Matilda. Matilda is still in the library and Calypso starting to kind of see, oh, there's a problem here and giving a bit of pursuit. So here's what I'm going to do. Calypso. Yes? I'm going to give you the option. To either wait and see where this goes and gain a plus two to your defenses for the rest of this fight or take the reins and attack somebody and gain a plus two to attacks for the rest of this fight. Wait and see. That's I mean, that's where they're at before. Anyways, let's just say that's what their mode of operation is.

That's fair. That was that was the most Kelsey move, like, I think, to just like it's like, let's stand back. I mean, it's like Calypso is like staying back, like waiting to see what happens before they do anything. I remember saying something almost exactly like that five months ago. Look, I need to be clear. That wasn't me judging you and I have different play styles. I mean, like that's that's that's fine. We need planners, we need thinkers. So here's what's going to happen. I'm like the only member of our party that isn't like attack Teffy. So that would probably not do me much good anyways.

That's fair. So you know what we're going to do? One of these, this this this bandit here right behind Dagon is going to tease. Let's say let's say they sized you up enough and. He's going to try and shoot you in the back with a crossbow. What? Like it's a it's a silent weapon. You guys are in an alley. You're you're in an alley, you know, but you you are moving your, you know. So it's it's going to be with a negative two knocked out before reasoning. They don't even like talk first. Like this is just. I think it's like why give you the chance to scream, right?

Like you're you're very well off, obviously you. But they're going to try and shoot you in a place where they can incapacitate you because you don't want to mess up those nice duds. Yeah, well, I mean, it makes sense, like magic people do exist in this world in our nose, if you see someone walking around fancy, like there's a chance they could like whip a fireball at you. So better do you know, not take your chances. That's I get the logic. Yeah. OK. Sucks, but fine. Again, it negative two. So here's here's what we're going to do. Negative two and roll. Oh, my God, it was almost a 20.

And it goes right through your skull. He actually just would have died. Yeah. Just back, just back into the shadows like, oh, it's like, oh, yeah. And that's that turns out that's dead shot. So no, he did roll a two instead of a 20. So that's a total of three that is obviously going to miss you go wide. So while you're talking, just like by the right side of your head, that right ear just almost kind of grazing your pointy like Aladrin, you're just and kind of sail off into the alley and like kind of hit the metal tip, hits the cobblestone and rolls over.

Do you have a reaction to that? Do you notice it? Oh, yeah, I'd say absolutely. It'd be kind of one of the things where it's like, you know, and then like, you know, kind of put his hand up and not turning around yet, just sort of like trying to process what happened and looks at Fenris. What was that? I kind of imagine Fenris already knows what's going on. Like, yeah, I don't. Yeah, this is my mark. So let's let's let's let's mark everybody for combat. If you're right click on yourselves and then click that sword and shield icon, it'll throw you in the old combat tracker.

Once I go to the utility thing on soft core bandit. That's a terrible name for a bandit. There's a reason that guy's dead last. Did you come up with these words? No. So there's a random basically adjective generator. That's fun. Soft core. Soft core. Like who would if you're if you're in crime, I don't think it behooves you to be called soft core. God, I wonder how we got that nickname. I'm so curious. We're going to tickle you. We're going to tickle you so good. It's non-consensual. Whoa, man, that's soft core. He's part of the Brightport underground tickle fight scene.

I guess we don't talk about it. We should tell everybody about tickle club. And OK, a great way to grow membership. I love this bandit. OK, you know what? I think another crossbow shot is in order because soft core saw this coming. So he's got his little plushie helmet on. And he's he's like, oh, God, you can't just. OK, hold on. So he's got his his crossbow. He's going to fire a day gone. Here we go. 13. Does he get does he have that minus two? Well, he said he stopped. Oh, is that not a by a feature? Combat. No, it was the dodge. Well, you're not adjacent to him.

Oh, yeah, I know. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, we're getting used to the combat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The combat dodge is basically like when you're toe to toe, somebody and you're like you're you're real squirrely, you're anticipating movements. Thank you. OK, so yeah, my 12. OK, so let's roll some damage. We got shit three. Where do those of you at home? I'm I'm going to say probably. He's going to be more angry if it was anywhere on his face or, you know. And no, no, I I think it's going to be like upper upper right clavicle, like that area. But he's still and again, he didn't turn around.

Oh, well, then never mind, it's going to be shoulder blade that right now. OK. Yeah. So that is look three damage today, gone. That is half of day guns health currently. He is not going to go. Well, now, you know, you're in a fight, at least like I think now that it's going to be much better. Your mind has to be. Yeah, you can do private roles on Henry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any role could be private or whatever. So that that brings up Calypso. So Calypso, you're going to see this. Let's call him a mint condition boy, never been tarnished. Fold, no folded edges like he's like.

You could tell that is the first time he has ever been struck in his life, probably. Oh, no. I don't know if he's ever been frowned at like. He's like, they kind of get like if he was doing training or whatever, you know, the trainers or anyone else would pull the punches and, you know, make it look like he's winning all the time. So, you know. So Calypso is not going to I'm just going to leave my turn. What do you know? It's like, all right, let's see where they're going. Let's see. Yeah, kid discuss. Well, that's fine. So is thinking so there are three people in front of clip.

So that currently does know that clip was there. So if so does something before they get involved doing other things and they're all going to turn around and it's going to be three for one. So they're going to wait for a better opportunity. You know. So Matilda is seeing all this from the second story of the library. In that window. Because it's Valerie, there's a 50/50 chance that she may not get involved at all in this combat and just watch the entire thing go down. And we may be starting a new campaign with just Valerie and the Dewey Decimal System.

I think that could happen. Not be bad. I'd be so excited. Adventures in organizing the book of Matilda. Oh, wait. Like, how would it be like a turn to go up to work? It's all to join me to like, just go back in. So the order of events would be like, oh, man, it looks like there's going to be trouble. Yep, there was trouble. And then you just book it back into the building. And I'm not saying that that's a bad idea. Like, logically, I think that's what most of us would do. Someone whips out a gun. It's like, all right, back into the library. OK, so you don't know us.

I don't think anyone got the impression that they were very brave. This is not like what time has like no shame about this. Do you want to go back inside? Yes. Wow. OK, then. Adam. OK, so I'm going to make a tactical retreat. So are you going you're going up to the second floor? You like you're booking it. You're gone. Yeah, Matilda's got the right idea. That's if I had known that was an option. That's what I would have done. So you're the one who left like we didn't tell you to leave. You were super curious. No, there was a second floor balcony that overlooked everything.

So technically we'd count feet or whatever. But once you cross the threshold of the library again, it's like 10 feet away. We're just going to. Is that out of combat then? Well, Matilda's not out of combat. Well, I think not necessarily just yet. I OK, what I would classify them is they're there. They're on the bench like they're still in the game, but they're snipers in the tower. But yes, if they choose to be. But this entire thing could go by. These bandits either win or lose or whatever, and no one even knows that they were in play. It's kind of genius.

Oh, it's beautiful. That's that's exactly the way I want it to be. It could be an awkward sit down next time if three of you die and these two. Delayed. It's like, hey, hey, I also argue all of my stuff that I do is raised anyways, I'm not going to be doing any differently to help you guys with my like healing word spells, which is pretty much how I like. I'm just saying they've betrayed an entire team before. That's all that's all. We aren't even a team yet. I know that's fair. That's fair. Do you bring these bandits into my library, Kelsey? We're a team at the table, though.

This is a cooperative game. I mean, you guys could still be friends like it's, you know, I don't know. It all rests on this performance. Michael, you want to run? You want to get out of here and take my stuff and leave me to die? You just met him. I don't understand. I highly recommend it. No reason to fight for me. See, this is why we have a problem in bright port. Well, apparently, you just walk down the street and have like a horde of bandits falling after you. Yeah, you kind of finished. I'm going to give you a tour of Sacramento one day. It's going to be great.

It's very nice. Well, like my end of Sacramento, not like the museum library end of. Not the Capitol building. Yeah, no. Fenris. So I look over and I see Dagon hurt. He's still facing far. How did you turn back yet? I like, you know, because this is all happening in seconds, you should probably get a whip around as soon as you know, an error goes into his back. But has it happened yet? I don't know. Maybe not until his turn. Yes. I mean, like in between every turn, there's like six to 10 seconds, depending on who you ask. So like, I'd like to think that you'd spin around after you get shot in the back.

Like, I think that's reasonable. At the very least, it's a reaction, right? He's not dumb. So I see this arrow and the blood and I've got the bag, which I it's like a duffel bag kind of thing, right? I just drop it. I'm a duffel bag. For now, I just drop it or I swing it. I keep it on my back. I'm not going to drop it. It's good. I could still make a run for it one day, maybe. And then I kind of look at it. Do I recognize these thugs in like like have they interfered with my marks previously? Could I could be someone I'd like to work with? Uh, you know what? Let's roll a die.

Sure. Uh, let's let's roll a d6 on a on a six. Yes, you have history with these guys. And that'll give you some kind of edge. Yeah, these are just these are just dudes. OK, just bros being dudes, you know? Yeah. All right. I see them. Well, I should take care of them before they think they've got to put a chip on their shoulder. And I look at. They go on. And. So I hope you can handle yourself more than that, and I had him and where the arrow is and I do cure rules. Oh, in his defense, he didn't know he was going to be. Right, but I can see you like one spell slot.

What's to make a good impression? It's the long con. As far as I know, there's only me and him. That's fair. And I would say so. OK, if you look at it, wait until he's three points. Like you look at Dagon like. If that's half his hit points, I would imagine he's reacting poorly to it, right? It's like, oh, like he looks half dead technically or half unconscious. So like it's like, OK, well, well, well, maybe he'll react better when he knows he's in a fight. But it's just funny to me. Has Dagon ever seen his own blood before? I doubt it. He's got to have to come like a paper cut or something.

Probably something like that. But yeah, but like no one's probably ever harmed him before. Right. I mean, all of it. Here's the thing, though. All of us have even even those of us who we'd probably classify as like a little more white collar, we've all had scrapes and bumps and bruises and cuts and, you know, breaks and all that stuff. None of us have been shot before. Right. Like, like I'm right in assuming that's got to be that's got to be next level. Like I got to assume I don't know this area. Yeah. Yeah, the old West. And I hope that I hope all of us continue to not have ever been shot.

Yes. No putting out there. Yes. Please don't get shot like actually while you're listening to this right now. Look around you. Just look around. OK, get back to what you were doing. But just do your own perception check. So you just healed Dagon for a Dagon and a half. That is a healing. Oh, yeah. Supercharged. Yeah. I imagine there's like this purple tendril of energy that comes through and like just wipes it and like the arrow just falls on the floor and like make sure that was worth it. And my turn. So you see that you're you're you're back to your back to to full, you're overflowing his blood, probably.

I have I have growth now. You have this. Isn't that how that works? Like, yeah, you just your platelets are massive. So you have cancer. Oh, God. I took you back around to it's too it's too healthy. I'm dying again. OK, so cunning thug is going to do something really, really cheeky and smart. And he's going to take this club out and try and beat Fenris to death with it. So that's how brilliant it's a plan he's been working on for a while. But I think I think it's going to, you know. So he gets two swings. Oh, God. Here we go. One seven, 17. Ouch. Yes. But it's only oh, thank God.

Minimal damage three. Loop. What's that put you down to 14? OK, yeah, you're you're yeah, OK, that's good. And one more attack boom. Oh, 13. Yeah, my AC is 12. OK, it's OK. We have things in common. That's good. We're not so different. I seven damage. So that's a total of 10. That is going to end the thug's turn. And you could tell they're trying to get this done in a hurry. Like they're just the back. Give it the back. Like they're just they figured like they figured a guy like Dagan would probably have some muscle, you know, like someone beefy like it. It'd probably be more like talk or something like that.

You have around, but instead he's got a guy like somewhat his size. So it's like, oh, yeah, these two these two guys like whatever. Let's just beat the shit out of them under this bridge and leave them for dead. So they're hitting you in broad daylight. That'll bring up Matilda Matilda, like a Colombian drug lord. You survey the scene from your your your villa here, the second story. And you're taking all this in. What would you like to do? OK, well, first things first. Clip so ends up right behind me. Oh, you're back. Just out of breath from the steps. It's like, no, you're right.

I miss any of the action. So this is right outside Matilda's library. And Jason, what sort of part of town is this in bright port? Like the fights happen outside or is this like a little bit of a nicer part of town? It's OK. On a scale of one to 10, it's probably a four. Like it's probably a part of town that was a little bit nicer at one time. Hence the library being such a like a focal point. But over the years, you've gotten less and less funding. Like you don't have you're running the library, but with city funding and you don't have any budget for employees.

So it's just you like you might sleep at the library. I don't know what your situation is, but like. Yes, every once in a while, fights and robberies do happen. Like it's it's not super common, but it's it's not unheard of. So yeah. Yeah. So Matilda's I think. I think for now, she'll just watch and see where this goes. So I guess in technical terms, I'll delay my turn. Watching people die. This is not healthy. Thank you. Thank you, Valerie, for making me feel less bad. I'm working my library. All these little people doing their own little thing outside. I think it's less insulting coming from the librarian and not the former cop.

I think I think it's worse. First of all. I don't think anyone would expect anything less from a member of Firebrand. Let's be honest here. So probably better for them if I don't get involved based on that group's track record. So overreactionary thug is going to let's see, I have 10 in the right. I had. Hmm. He's going to brush past. Yeah, he's going to brush past bittersweet here, the Satan, and he's going to bust out his heavy crossbow and he's going to aim. Yeah, he's going to aim for Fenris's face. Very overreactionary, like he's like very much. So heavy crossbow.

Here we go. Oh, God. That's a bunch. That's 18. It was an honor. Oh, max damage, of course. So that just downs you, though, right? Yeah. Wait, does it? Oh, it does. I had seven health. Kelsey, why are you so concerned about this fight coming out? We'll be fine. I thought there'd be five members in the fight, Kelsey. I didn't know. Yeah, you got two people. Does it matter? We're all squishies. Literally, we just it would be all five of us dying instead of all three of us. Like I told you. We're squishy too. We haven't even touched them yet. That's actually good. 36. Let's fix 36 hit points for one of them.

OK, one, I'm going to turn that to private because that's metagame. That doesn't measure their spirit. OK, Dagon. So Dagon, you just watched Fenris get machine gun to the ground like he's an inglorious bastards and out of the corner of your eye, you're going to see two people leaned over the balcony with their their their fist, like kind of like it's like, oh, wow, shoot. Like they're they have box seats at the fucking Cowboys game. Like they're really just taking it all in. OK, well, that's enough to piss him off. Oh, geez. There's no point in making a snide comment to Fenris right now, since he's, I'm guessing, unconscious.

I love that he heals here. He's like, try to do better. Just dead. You can do that again. You know, OK, just throw a bag of gold in the in the certain direction and run the other way. That's how you get out. He's got my stuff. I don't have anything right now. OK, I need. Yes, huh. You got full health. See, this is the thing, because he's such a he's not afraid, so he's just getting angry. OK, OK, I'm going to turn to the first thug he sees and just sort of like a. You know. How dare you, you know, make me bleed my blood. OK, I got to go. Hold on. I got to make a roll.

OK, let me paint a picture, though, for you. These guys saw two easy marks. Already like this is supposed to be get in, get out, get the stuff and run, not I want to have a prolonged fight in the middle of this alley. Right. So if you show that you could knock someone on their ass, that stretches us out a little bit more, doesn't it? Like it's it becomes a thing. It's like, oh, shit. Like they might start to reassess things. OK, so. He his power is very new to him. It's still in an experimental phase. So based on that role, instinctively, he's going to go for his sword.

Sure. So he's going to pull out his rapier and. I guess he's going to point it right at which thug is that beside Fenris? Oh, that's that is that's the cunning thug. He had a really good plan. OK, cunning thug. And he's going to attempt some sort of. Stab thrust. Some move that's probably going to look ridiculous. Dagon words it better, though, right? Yeah, I'm not as articulate as Dagon. I'm sort of on guard. He's going to like he's just going to look ridiculous. OK, OK. Let me try to do that. I can do it, man. You got it. So rapier. Oh. Oh, no. That is a crit one.

OK, so let's see if we're rolling on the table. I just will stab myself in the eye. My wrist breaks. Could you could you roll a d6, please? I hit him, but my wrist breaks, right? OK, d6. Sorry. Yeah. It's just invasion just so well. Oh, my God. Oh, you rolled a one on that, too. So we're not rolling on the table. So you just crit miss. So you whip out this rapier and something happens, something like you. You either whip it out and it's like you're grasping the handle wrong or you're, you know, like it's completely ineffectual. This is just going to show that the people that let him win all the time did him no favors because he's actually terrible at the only thing he knows how to do.

All right. But like he thinks he's like he thinks he's a master. So either these guys are like, oh, my God, they're amazing. Or in that instant, he may be questioning his life. Right. It's like, wait a minute. It's like shocked at him like that usually works. So preppy bandit. Actually, can I can I take my turn? Sure. You want some popcorn or something or. Yeah. OK. I'm going to go to the back and put some in the microwave. That's a good use of. No. So I because. Because Fenris got hit and immediately went down, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So like this is no longer just like I'm watching a burglary.

You know, like this is becoming more serious than that. We didn't kill him. That's probably still not that unusual. Well, OK. Him getting shot and going down is pretty extreme. But I do want to paint the picture if we're putting if we're putting extremity and tying that to numbers. Ten damage was done because someone walked up with a billy club and just hit him in the head over and over again. So like that's probably where you should have known that these guys were playing for keeps. Right. So, but I think. I think what Matilda would do is turn to Calypso and say, can you just keep an eye on things for a second?

And then she's going to run down, run downstairs and. If there's like an alternate exit, take that and she's going to go try and tell the town guard what's going on. You know, like a bat pole or something or like just like, do you mean just run out the side door? Yes. Yeah, I just need to run out the side door. OK, cool. And then there's the automatic costume changing thing. And then we find out, like, she's a secret badass that like. She's the commissioner's daughter. It's crazy. So that so let's say you just take off. So you're you're kind of down an alleyway, but you're you're often a you know, you're you're adjacent to a main street.

So like if you go into the main street and start shouting. Right. That's, you know, but that's going to be your next turn. So preppy bandit who I imagine just talks like like Pegasus from Yu-Gi-Oh, I don't know. Like I that's that's the that's the voice I picture or James from Pokemon. Either one is going to work. Dagon, I'm going to stab you, you boy. Like he's really like. He's going to he's going to eat, too, as a rapier, and he's just going to wander up and try to swing at Dagon one time. Oh, fuck you. I don't know. That'll do it. Twenty two will hit and damage one time.

Five damage. So OK, roleplay wise, this does make sense, like it does. It does make sense. It's not it's not unrealistic. It's just sadder that I think we wanted it to be for our first, you know, obviously we wanted to come out strong, but this is realistic. I'm hoping for a miracle. What I didn't want to what I didn't want to simulate for three and a half or four months is the bully telling you he's going to kick your ass at three p.m. and you're just sitting there waiting while the bell fucking is going to ring. Like that's basically what happened. Yeah, I know.

So that brings up that brings up Ian. Ian, you've been you've been taking this in. Mm hmm. Yeah. There's been people sort of like rushing by this guy and sort of ignoring him largely. Uh, yeah. Excuse me. Pardon me. I have two important questions. First of all. What is happening with the rat in my sack? Oh, right. I forgot about our mascot. Not in your sack. Oh, it's. Yeah. So we did make a roll. We if you remember. Hold on a second. I could think halfway out. Like still like wiggling to try and get the rest of the way out, I think like that. Yeah. His his fat little rat.

All I have was give him trouble. My notes. I'll give you the exact date. January 16th at seven eleven p.m. For the record, everybody out there, it is May 14th. So we recorded that was still alive. Oh, my God. That's the saddest. Oh, well, that's who we're missing is our mascot. Da da da da da da. Wow. OK, so I'm going to have I'm going to let's have a rat roll. I think. OK, cool. What you want. So from this point on, so he's made a little hole and it's like a burlap sack, but his like rats are rats are pear shaped or chunky at the back of their back. They're like guinea pigs that way.

So like he's trying to wriggle out the back. Give me a D six roll and on a five or six, he's going to flop out. Yeah. Oh, that's a one keeping in the rest of the evening here. So you're going to feel it kind of dangle like your sack's going to swing back and forth just a little bit, like you're going to feel like a tugging at it. Yeah, got a little tug on that sack. Yeah. So I guess first things first, I'm going to do real quick, just try and like, you know, like a quick adjust, like you might like adjust your pants in public or something, you know, you just got a real quick try and get that rat situated back up into the sack in a way that it's not going to be flopping around.

You know what I mean? You don't want it. You don't want that. You don't want that thing flopping around. Send your fan art to danddrapodcast@gmail.com. That's danddrapodcast@gmail.com. And then next, like, I mean, these people have been largely ignoring me and just been stabbing and punching these two people that I've been watching and shooting. Two poor, defenseless boys. I don't think, yeah, like I don't think that this is an uncommon sight, but I don't think that they would just stand by and let this happen. Can I talk to one of these and by talk, I mean in his mind?

And make it explode? Yeah, and I want to do it with like extreme prejudice, if that makes sense. I love it. So to paint a picture, it's not like scanners or something like it's, you know, it's it's so they didn't speak to each other telepathically and they're linked to each other in sort of a mental network. So instead of all of them having like a five meg upload speed, they have like fiber all of them all the time. So like they're constantly in that's the last one, Michael, I swear to God. So like they're constantly in communication with each other. And when a Thedyn kind of interacts with the outside world, they don't have mouths.

So the first thing they go to do is like, oh, hey, fella. And it is an invasive feeling like it's like cold spaghetti on the brain. And sometimes it just hurts. It's it's also it's also a violation because you can hear thoughts in their head while you're connected to them. So if you do this and you're you're you're just kind of it's almost like a mental shout that's going to be disorienting and people are going to want to do anything to make that stop. So if they figure out what the hell is going on and they get a vague sense of where that's coming from, but not like in this situation, it's like, hey, it's the guy with no mouth and he's all bones and weird.

So like they'll probably figure it out. But yeah, like who you who you want to do this to with? I think I want to. OK, my thinking is that it's looking like dire straits for these two, and there's nothing I can change about that. But if I can stop any further violence from happening, that's what I'm going to try and do. And so so you're going to see what the other two bandits standing in front of the near corpses are going to do, but fan out with the other ones, maybe. I'm sorry, say that again. I was so it sounds like what you want to do is kind of do a little crowd control instead of focus on the two that are right next to Fenris and Dagon.

Oh, I see what you mean. I see what you mean. Yeah, you make you make a good point. I think I'll go to this one that beat poor Fenris to death. Almost to death and critical condition, I think that. Yeah, I think I'll move up to him and I would like to have I would like to say in his mind, in his own voice to leave, and I'd like to accompany that with some images. And these images are of this Thedan taking both of his arms and twisting them until they break off. OK. That's going to have to save, obviously, is going to have to like we're going to have to do something here.

So let's what's your what's your spell? Save D.C., I think. Hang on. The DC 13 is thank you. Yeah. How fucking spicy hot is that? So wisdom saving throw, let's see what these guys aren't very wise. I'm going to I'm going to level with you. Wisdom saving throw, saving throw. It's normal. That that that that that that. Oh, he rolled a two. Yeah. So he's standing there with this bloody club and he is he you know, obviously Fenris is down and he's looking over to Dagon and Dagon's already shot. It's like cool, easy pickins. And then the most horrific shit pops into his head.

And I got to imagine he's like he's going to Stone Cold, just stop and just like it's probably going to be at the very least, like a real bad ice cream headache. So it's just like, fuck like that. So anything he's going to do on his next turn is disadvantage. And we'll take it from there. But like, again, he gets a vague sense that it's like, well, it's not the unconscious guy and I don't think it's bleeding Joe over here. So he's probably going to start looking around and try to piece it around. And there's just this like blankies covered in spikes, half naked skull, man.

It's like, well, it's not this dainty eladrin, is it Slenderman? I don't know. Like it's it's it's something. Because a Satan kind of resembles like. God. Slenderman, the gentleman from Buffy Baraka from Mortal Combat, all had a baby and no one wanted to keep it like it's kind of that like. So we got one more bandit in the group here. This is bail. He's bail for this bandit. And I guess. I guess he's going to fire a shot here with his light crossbow at the Satan. Wow, that was all over the day. At 15, that hits. OK, almost minimal damage, though, it's only three.

So here's what we're going to do. We got that's the end of round one. We're going to jump over to round two here and we're going to reroll for everybody. So get ready. This before I do this. I think you guys are in for some good luck. This is where it's all going to turn around. Don't stick to that. This is where it's all going to turn around. Also, that guy's going to get disadvantage on his on on his initiative. And roll for everybody. Here comes. All right. OK. Yeah, that's why he's down at the bottom, at least. Fucking Matilda, of course, killed it. Matilda's dead last.

So preppy bandit. Hmm. Oh, they got that dog sting, at least, right? Yeah, what? Oh, you got to. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So you get he gets a negative two to his attack against you. Assuming you're attacking. You don't have yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's going to he's going to. Why don't you fall down? Like he's going to be like he's he's a little outraged you didn't. Negative two. But but but. And OK, but he still rolls a 14, that's a 15. Anything he rolls is going to that hits. That had the negative two. OK. All right, I'm going to go to sleep now. Oh, it doesn't kill you outright, though.

Doesn't kill you. Well, let's be happy for that. It's it's a possibility like I don't want it to be baleful is. It's going to walk up here and swing at the monster at the thing he sees as a monster. Oh, God. So technically. He would have advantage. Because he's flanking. Oh, but does he have a minus two also? No, no, this is the bandit behind you, not the one you went spaghetti brained. But he's adjacent to me, right? Isn't it adjacent? Oh, yes. OK, he has a negative two to the attack, but that doesn't stop a crit. I see. Got it. Yes. So I'm sorry. I was confused.

So he got a crit, right? He did. He did get a crit. OK, well, I'm going to use my reaction to use from the window. Well. Hmm. Oh, yeah. What's the range on it? It's 60 feet. OK, so hold on. I don't know how we're 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, you're a good 20 feet short. Oh, OK. Unless you want to jump out of the window. No. OK. All right. Oh, I can't do anything. Sorry. OK. We are going to roll in that crit table, guys. I use the rat as a shield. What's going to happen is that rat is going to nibble on your face when you're unconscious and you're going to become a rat man.

How many extra fervor points does that get me? You get all the powers of a rat, specifically pizza wrap, like you're going to get all the like. All right. Here we go. This is a crit. OK, seven Perry. In addition to standard critical hit damage to your target, you gain a plus two to your AC against attacks from the target until the end of your next turn, that's not as bad as it could have been. But now we got to roll that damage, which sucks. Damage critical. Oh, shit, that's OK. He only did four damage matchy. That's still not great. That's still not great.

It's not amazing. Yeah, but Jesus, for critical damage, that's not bad. That brings up Dagon Dagon. Can I get a death saving throw, please? You go. OK, that's one fail. Uh, oh, God, you are up, Ian. Well, this is looking bad for the fate and it's looking bad for these two people that Dave Knight and Bludgeoned. So you don't notice anything. No, I don't. But the don't Thedon doesn't like to see just people getting slaughtered. So I think he's I think he's been in situations like this before and they're starting to hit him now. They're starting to attack him and he doesn't have shit on him.

So he's going to offer the only thing of value that he does have. And that's this rat. And in that guy's own voice, he's going to hear stop. And he's going to get the sensation of like giving up or what do you call it? Waving the white flag, waving the white, you know, waving the white flag. Surrender. Thank you. Surrender. OK. Depression. We go hand in hand, don't we? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess and depression. It can be two things. It can be two things. But he's he's he's going to hold up the thing of value that he has on him, which is this rat in a bag. OK, so we're going to eat up your second forever point and for the talk.

I'm going to say, OK, got it. Yeah, just to like get in his brain. So let's do this. Let's give me a persuasion check or an intimidation, like whatever you like. If it's if it's just like, hey, here's a rat, like you're trying to offer up some kind of like like a bargaining chip, like a bargaining rodent piece offering. Yeah, it's I want to roll intimidation, but I don't think it's intimidation. I think it's yeah, I'll do I'll do persuasion. Here. That's pretty good. Oh, shit. Good. Twenty one. Yeah. Look, that's twenty one. So while he's very much not going to enjoy the the Cthulhu and tentacles in his brain, he's he's going to get like the gist of it and just kind of like, oh, get out of here, get out of here.

Like just kind of like you don't look like you have shit on you and I don't want your fucking rat. Like you. It's it's basically like get out of here. So you have the opportunity to. Yeah. Just get out of there if you want. And you take no opportunity, no attacks of opportunity, just because like. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not going to I'm not leaving the scene yet, but I am going to back up. Yeah. And just be like like hands up, like step. I don't know these guys. Exactly. So. Yeah. OK, so. Fenris, can I get a death saving throw, please? Sure. Hey. Whew. One success. Good stuff.

Good stuff. Calypso. I mean, there's not really anything I can do. That's fair. OK. I didn't realize that I was going to be out of range, so. You left the battle and didn't realize you were going to be out of range. I mean, the way I feel like a balcony overlooking the stuff. I'm just trying to follow the logic. I'm just trying to follow the logic. Honestly, like at this point, the best thing to do is probably just I let them take shit. Totally. Like, I totally understand. What is the point if I like throw like a healing word like at Fenris? He said he'd get it with two hit points and just get knocked out again.

Like, there's not really much at this point. I'm just lovingly, lovingly busting those balls. Just loving the fight. Are they trying to just bust the fry? Busting makes me feel good. I have no idea. Running back inside the building I came from and going up a flight of stairs would affect the range of my attacks and abilities. No idea. What should write that down in like a handbook of some sort? And then like distribute it. I want to I want to also say the Thedyn totally clocks someone coming out of the library and then turning back around and leaving it going back in.

Yeah, the closer discussion. Again, probably the smartest move. Yeah, like look what happened. So these two are down. And we got two. We got a bandit and two thugs going. So here's what we're going to do. Matilda's dead last, sadly, but Matilda is going to scream, and that is going to alert these thugs and guards nearby, and they're going to get ready and try and take off. But what we're going to do is I'm going to roll a d20 with a plus three. The plus three representing the three bandits that we're going to take their turns and they're going to rifle through your stuff and grab what they can as fast as they can.

And that would be Fenris and Dagon. So it's all Dagon stuff, because I don't think Fenris said much on it. Well Fenris was holding for Dagon stuff. So yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like, yeah, so they can eat. So yeah. D20 plus three. Ten. So, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like we're going to we're going to kind of like they get like in this instance, it's like they're going to grab your wallet. They're going to grab like the things that would be of the most obvious value, right? It's like there's your coin pouch, there's your you know, but they're not going to take your shoes or anything.

They're not going to take like your your rapier. They're not going to, you know, that kind of stuff. That would be like, even though it's probably fancy, it's like, yeah, whatever. I don't have time to pawn or hawk any of this stuff. Like I just want gold. I just want... Pawning used shoes is a bit. It's it's yeah. But that means that as they're grabbing stuff, they're going to hear Matilda like screaming down, like from from down the alley and out into the street. And they're like, oh, shit, like they're they're going to get ready and take off. So no one's dead.

Just worse for wear. Against the wound, like trying to trying to do first aid, simple first aid. So I want you guys to know that some some money and goods were taken. We'll get into that. The good news is I'm working on fixing the D&D economy. So I think I have a system in place. Your gold is going to mean more. It's going to go further in this world. This is this is good. I'm I'm just going to I'm just going to fix the economy. I don't know why people don't just do that. It's fucking, you know, they said, does that mean their gold is worth more? So they got more robbed?

Well, that's a way to look at it. What's worth more, but it's gone. So yeah, like that's that's just inflation. Think of it as gas money. Yes. What I mean, future gold is going to mean more. Not that gold that gold gone. You know, it's going to mean that was so. Also, did you say the cops are coming? Well, yeah. OK, I'm going to try and stabilize them, but as soon as they're cops, I'm I'm peacing out because you have prior. You need to get out of here. Well, it doesn't look great to have a big, scary monster and then two bodies on the ground. You know what I mean?

Like that doesn't look good. So I'm going to do what I can here. And then it's I'm going to get out before Johnny Law shows up. I get that there are witnesses, but like, let's let's let's offer him the premise. Can I get a medicine check? Can I get you to let's do one for OK. Who do you who do you try and stabilize first? Who looks worse down and went down first? Yeah, yeah. Who looks worse? Take Dagon got the worst of it. Dagon looks like if I maybe he was probably hanging by a thread. Well, I Dagon looks like no one's ever frowned at Dagon. Dagon doesn't. Dagon.

He looks he is a he is a he is a freshly pressed suit somehow sent to a little lad who loves berries and cream. Now he's like a very ripe banana. This is a beautiful orchid that has been trampled in the street. And it looks like he's wearing that that that Austin Powers crushed velvet with a cravat like coming like that's what I picture. I know that's not accurate, but I don't care. Like it's just a fabric that soaks up blood really well. So, yeah, probably Dagon. OK, then I'll do I'll definitely try and do Dagon first. Sorry, James, my medicine isn't great.

That's OK. Oh, man, it was a 15. So you know how when you get like shot with like an arrow or crossbow bolt, you aren't supposed to pull it out. Like that's what you don't want to do. Well, maybe I pulled it out. I picture I picture it's like what right? A five is good typically in D&D. With a five, I don't I don't think you did any more harm. I think it's like I think with a five, there's two things, you know, for sure, and that's just chest compressions. You know that whether whether it's a concussion or being shot, it's and then move the neck around really, really fast.

Like that's the two things, you know, so good. Yes, like like non-Thadens have different biology. So this is probably just like you don't know if you're like, OK, you're supposed to do this and move the head around like that. So it gets like normal burn to prints up and running, right? We have to we have to realign the spikes and the spikes are somewhere in there. Yeah, you got to you got to lean down and blow into his chest. So it's just very good. More dead now. That's what it is. The Thetan is trying to do CPR on him. Just without a mouth. Yeah, without a mouth.

Can I get one for Fenris? Maybe maybe Fenris is Fenris will come around a little better. Yes, yes. So that looks like a lost cause, unfortunately. Can you hear this car alarm that's going off? Absolutely. We can hear that car alarm. I don't care. Keep going. OK, hang on. I'm going to close. I'm going to see if I can. Hold on. Let me let me see if I can close the window. I don't hear the car alarm. I don't. Absolutely. I do. It's trust me. It's so quiet. I think these headphones like suck or something. Valerie, you know that there's no window is closed volume up. It's all the way up.

What? That's not good. Yeah. So what I will just dimension. What I neglected to mention was the war forged her out and about, and they have metallic horses and every three seconds the metallic horses make a sound like every once in a while, just to it's the everything's OK alarm. So they can ride through the streets of Brightport. Those that come out their butts, so it's like they're farting. Yeah, like every couple of seconds just consider this ramping up the tension. OK, I'll do this. No, they're taking us there. Yeah, here we go. Another medicine roll. Hey, it's better than five.

That will that'll stabilize Fenris, so you're going to stop the bleeding or him drooling or whatever was happening. But like, yeah, Fenris, Fenris looks like he's probably been beaten up once or twice before he looks like he looks like he's from here. You know what I mean? Like the he like. He's probably grifted the wrong person or welched on a bar bet or something. But yes, he has learned the hard way, probably day gone. This is probably his first lesson. So you're going to hear pots and pans running down the street. And it's going to be three guards. And the one in the front is looks like a half elf, really tight braided hair coming down, coming down the back of his head.

And it's kind of like whipping around as he's rounding the corner and he's running up and he's just pissed. He's like, God, God damn it. Like just like he's he's going to get down and he's going to tell the other two. It's like, go find him. And just. Do you still want to run? Yeah, I'm out. I'm out of there. I'm gone. OK, I lay Fenris. I lay Fenris down gently. And yeah, when I hear pots and pans, I I just sort of like make check the alleyway and step away. Can I get an athletics check, please? Yeah. Well, 16 feet. I'm going to have these two guards roll in a minute.

But like this is just like I what I'm hoping to avoid is the mix up. You know what I mean? Because you can't even say it was broken when I got there because you got no mouth. So so this guy's going to bend down here and he's going to I imagine Matilda's there, too. Yeah, I'm sure like the guards are running and then I was behind them, like running as well, like as if I'm one of them like, yeah, we're going to get these guys. It's just me. It's just me going. You you kind of you you basically made a citizen's arrest, right? You know, like, yeah. Yeah. But it's probably a good thing.

Otherwise, best case scenario, you guys would have no possessions as it stands now. A couple of you have less possessions. So so this guard is going to reach into his pack and he's got this little this little vial of of red liquid and he's going to reach for Dagon first. And he it looks like he has money and it looks like he might be the son of someone important. So, yeah, Fenris looks like he's stabilized. I imagine at this point, Dagon is just sputtering blood. Every once in a while, just put it there. Just yeah, it's so he's going to he's going to kind of like tilt your head back and like pour this red liquid down your throat and just kind of like just kind of like massage your throat.

So because it would be terrible if he tried to feed you a healing potion and then you choke to death. That would just be ironic. So he's trying to make sure that like, you know, and I'm not going to have you like roll to swallow that. That's going to be part of our theory after dark section. And that is a different encounter. That is for later. That's for later in the city. Why don't I have that skill on my sheet? That's that's a level four. If you would be interested in a role such as these, you can purchase life and some more. I feel like I got to try that next time.

Could have stopped this fight way sooner. So that this this is going to I'm going to I'm going to roll a D4, because this is just like a this is like a super minor minor healing potion. It's just a kind of like, you know, just kind of stabilize it. Yeah. Get you back up for hit points. That's like most of Dagon's health. That's fantastic. That's three quarters for sure. Yeah, it really is. So new, Amven is is conscious, is is with the world again. As you were as you're like coming around, he's like, all right. And he's going to scramble over to Fenris to make sure that that that he's OK.

And the entire time he's he's going to be like looking for Matilda. It's like it was this was this all of them. What else happened? Because he probably knows you from the neighborhood like he. Right. You know. Yeah. She'll say. Yeah, there is a couple more guys here. It seems like they ran off. I don't know, I just ran to get you guys. I need to know how this guy, like. On a scale of one to Karen, not our Karen. Karen meme. Where does where does Matilda fall? So give me a D10, please. A one year. They barely know you. It's like, yeah, yeah, I know you own. You do something with books.

That's great. But like a 10, you you call them every day like it is like. Like that might be why they don't patrol in this particular out to two. Like they've probably had to swing by your shop once, maybe twice before. And like it probably got filed to the bone. It's like they stole a book. Yes, they did. OK. All right. Well, we'll do our best and then you never see them again. So right. Could you describe this book? Uh huh. Square. Oh, yeah. Uh huh. And then they give you a sketch and it's like, does this look like your book? And then they post a couple of posters.

Look, falls out of my pack. The great library bandit has done it again. So he is he's going to he's it's like, all right, just just stay here. I'm going to have some questions for you. But that he seems really frustrated, like like almost scared, like a little bit. There's a there's a tinge of like, oh, God, like he like something really screwed up. And he's going to do the same thing for Fenris. So let's get a little D for a little D for for the Fen one. Well, OK, that's how it goes. The rich got four times more than you. So Fenris just needs enough. Yeah, I got.

Well, the problem is James's Canadian insurance is influencing the game of D&D, so he gets way better coverage than you. Too real. Too real. I want to say he's going to charge you 200 gold. Then I have to get put on a payment plan, but then there's like interest. So then I'm never really out of the hole. Don't worry, they'll send it to a collection agency, but it doesn't affect your credit because everyone has medical debt and it's fine. It's fine. Exactly. I'm on the Brightport plan. I can't. I was like, maybe maybe I've even like been healed or like been maybe not like where these guards or whatever, like this is the first time they've had to pick me up.

Maybe maybe like sometimes I'm a good guy. I get the one getting hurt. And sometimes I'm like, what are you doing here? But never like actually sort of the same guys or like I'm still coming up in the area, but I'm not well known. But obviously I've fallen a few times. Do you want to roll to see? Yeah. So I don't know what. So not a Karen, but you know, like we're basically doing the same thing. One to ten, ten being. Yeah, like ten. It might loop back around to like, oh, you know, sleazy Pete, like that kind of thing where it's like you're it's almost endearing where it's like, why did they pick you up this time?

But yeah, give me give me a seven. You're just a pain in the ass. Yeah. OK, so you're a pain in the ass. So so you're going to know this guy, actually. So let me give you a little back story then, because you would know this. The the guards in Brightport have always had a tough time and they've always been stretched too thin. And there's not enough guards electing to do this job, getting paid and up up up up up big city. Recently, though, there have been robots taking over portions of the city, not taking over as in forcefully like watching over. So there's a bit of a peaceful truce right now because Brightport mayoral elections are underway and you've got a few different groups vying for this type of power.

One of them is Pax Tron, a former it's kind of rumored that he he died a Brightport hero and was resurrected to to look over the city. Don't look into that story. It's kind of true. So. Yeah, I think there are a few other different stories running around about my papers. Absolutely. That's why you run smear campaigns. So. The so they're kind of breaking things up, but Pax Tron has threatened to take. The guard completely out of the situation and what they're doing is fighting to kind of keep their spot. They're still stretched too thin. So when something like this happens, it's seen very poorly.

It's them. They can't keep up with this job. Their their need to eat and sleep and get distracted is is surely doing more harm than good. And what you need is an unblinking red eyed servant of the city standing two floors up, watching you at all times. So that's probably why this guard is frustrated. His name is Gallandad and half elf guy. He's. He's worked his way up in the town guard, but he's not like a big muckety muck. He's more just he has just enough responsibility to be the guy who gets in trouble a lot. So. Yeah. Gallandad. Gallandad, yeah. Well, I see him say, Hey, G.

That's probably why he gave you one. Like he just went and that's it. Like just. I'm surprised. I am shocked he just didn't call him bad. Because that's what I would have done. He's you got to imagine he's hurt at all. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This poor guy, like in half elf society, it's like, what? That's a great name. Yeah. My name's Lacey. Why is that a bad name for a guy? And it's like, you know, he got the shit kicked out of him in school. It's not cool, but like, you know, no half orc is going to respect him in the city. So. He's he's going to make sure you're OK and just barely.

It's like, what did you have to do with this? Well, since our last encounter, I've gone straight narrow and I was just helping this young lord make it to the destination. So I was just leading him to where he needed to go. I was trying to make some some extra coin. Can I see how many days it was since your last encounter? Sure. Can I get another D10 from you? OK, please roll a one. Oh, seven. It was almost a one week. Yeah. So it's been one week. So you don't even need to roll a deception or anything like this. He's got a reputation. Yeah, I mean, with an eight, the guy, it's like you're probably stealing my wallet right now.

Like it's just. So he's he's he's just trying to he's making sure it's like. So these guys just jumped you for no good reason. You had nothing to do with with this and that. And he's going to he's kind of like he's kind of crouched down between the two of you and he's going to look over and. Who's whose son is this? Who's who? Who in the manor houses owns this? Why is he here? I don't know, but he obviously needed assistance because he just came off the one of the ships and was looking for one of the houses. James, it was Dragon Keep, right? That's. Yeah. Yeah.

I remember three months ago. Yeah. He needed escort to Dragon's Keep. And so I said, sure. So it was going I could take you there. And obviously looking at him, he, you know, is shiny and kind of showing that way. I don't know how reflective it is now, but I figured needed a little bit of. Well, then I thought if I was around him, he would be. Picked. And I leave it at that. He wants to ask so many more questions, but it's like, all right. Where's Calypso? Calypso, when the guards showed up, kind of what I'm like back like, they're still on the balcony, I think, but what if like just Homer Simpson into the bush, like you just like, like, like, just like, like, like, it's not like they have like any like negative relations or anything.

They just don't want to deal with that. And it's it's just not something where you like to super deep like a witness for. They wouldn't be able to provide any important information or anything. It's going to not deal with any of that whole thing. That's fair. So if Matilda is nearby, he's he's going to call over to her. Can you help me get him up and walk him over to the cleric? They're kind of in like, let's go the extra mile mode now, because it's like, OK, we couldn't prevent the crime. Let's at the very least, like it's like, oh, let's at least get you patched up so that you're not bleeding all over.

It looks bad. Daze, I assume Dagon is still kind of unconscious here. I would hear you're you're coming to because like you, I mean, you just regained three quarters of your health. So, OK, OK. I didn't know if he was like actually awake or not. I would imagine the shock of it is like, you know what I mean? Like you're not used to being struck or stabbed or shot or whatever. The real shock is like, look at all that blood on his clothes, this jacket's ruined. I feel like as he's coming to, he's going to be kind of mumbling. He'd be like, Mommy, read me the good story.

The one about me. What about me? Oh, my God. He's going to so so that is going to get behind and start to like prop him up to like sit him up and and wave Matilda over. It's like, help me, help me pick him up. And he's going to be he's going to be staring daggers at Fenris. It's like, why did you take him to this part of the city? Like just like, why is he here? Like he got so he's he's going to he's going to with Matilda just kind of like stand him up. It's like, OK, buddy, we're going to you're fine. You're fine. You're fine. Kind of like reaching like he's he's got you like it's like lean on my shoulder here and he's going to like smack on your cheek a little bit with the other one.

It's like, oh, OK, let's get you up. You're going to say something about how I can bench press and then it cut off. Like, what can I bench press? The answer is nothing. So I'm very confused about what the answer is. What you're going to say. You can bench press Dagon? I've been bench pressed. Does that count for something? That's about the realm of Dagon, is it? Yeah, like he's he's he's mostly fine garments. Like he's he's mostly made of silk. So he's very svelte. Yeah. I don't think I've ever used that word before. We would we would call him a twink. I believe I'm classified as a twonk.

If that's not. So here's here's what we're going to do. I need to to roll athletics for these guards to see if like they're anywhere near. And here's what here's here's the thing. You rolled a 16. Fantastic. As long as they don't roll a 16 or higher, we're just going to we're just going to it's like they ran a different way or you ran faster or whatever. Right. So they have a plus two to athletics because they get out there, you know, they're they're doing their thing. So their bench left and bench lift in Dagon's. They are. They're just so as long as they're back back.

So 14, 14 is their total. So they are not that it probably comes close and you're like, nah. Like you just like duck down an alley or something like that. So you're fine. But as as Galadad and Matilda take take Dagon here over to the cleric, he's going to make sure it's like Fenris. Come on. Like he's going to make sure like he's it's like that. Like like he already knows it's like you're you're just like fading into it's like, no, no, no. Yeah. He's going to be I think like he's yeah. That's right. I got to make sure I get paid for this escort. And I act like that was my intent all along as I step back to where I was towards the cards.

When they get to the church here, they're waiting. They're waiting for a cleric. And as you can imagine, in Brightport, in this particular type of neighborhood, there's a backlog, not like a covid backlog, but a backlog. So you're going to you're going to have to wait, right? So you're you're sitting there and he's going to he's going to like crouch down. Son, are you OK? How many fingers am I holding up? Daddy? No, I'm I'm Officer Thrask. I I'm afraid we got to the scene a little bit late. We were dealing with something else. But you're you're what's your name?

Dagon. OK, and he's going to he's going to look over to Fenris. Is that right? Yeah, that's right. OK, OK, you have been involved in an event and I cannot apologize enough. That is not indicative of this city or how we run things. But we're going to get you patched up here. This is the other way to not like make like a face. Totally obvious. So he's just like, wow, look at that tapestry. That's a that's a wonderful tapestry. They're like toast probably. Yeah, he's probably going to like like I almost feel like you guys know each other well enough at this point.

It's almost like a Catwoman Batman thing without all that sexual tension in there. Or maybe I don't know. Or maybe like or maybe send your fan art to the podcast that you know, that come with the audience to sign. So I this is probably he's kind of like gives one of those habits to shut up, just one of those. And then he's he's like, can I can I get you anything? Do you have two boots when you came into the city or was this a look that is popular where you come from? And I guess during this, he's slowly, slowly coming to and, you know, understanding his surroundings.

Of course, I had two boots. Where are my things? Well, we picked up your your bag, but it was it was. Let's focus on what you have on you, because they they you still have this very fancy looking sword. Congratulations on that. That looks that that that you must be very proud. Is there someone we can contact for you? Is there is where are you from? What do you mean, where am I from? Where where do you come from, where are you? Well, obviously, I'm from Odysseus. There's going to be like like, oh, fuck. I I'm sorry, I thought you were Elvin. I'm guessing I'm guessing you're you're an Aladrin then.

Well, of course, I'm an Aladrin. He's going to he's going to stand up. You know, my parents are going to hear about this. I understand, sir. Please just give me a moment, please. Just one moment. And he's the Ark. Arkanscape is my father. He's going to hold up like one finger just and he's backing up and he's going to grab Fenris, like by the collar and like pull him over. Did you know he was a fucking Aladrin when you took him down that alley? Like very it's like a couple's argument. It's it's really like he's just speaking through his teeth and it's like, I can't yell at you, but I need to make it clear.

Like it's, you know. No, it was never actually stated, but he did have the arrogance. I didn't assume either way. You know, either maybe a proud elven or maybe, but no, he just needed to be taken to a place and I thought the odds were good that I'd get him there. OK, well, now we have a problem here because this bleeding little simp is going to run and tell his parents and we're going to have an entire incident. Do you want a bunch of Aladrin coming into this city? We already have problems with them and Onakol. I don't even know which one he is. So we're going to have a bunch of them coming in here and.

What we need to do is we need to find the people who did this to you and get his things back. And he's going to he's going to kind of look over at Matilda and smile. It's like, did you come here? Just just one second, please. We told them we'll come over. If we sat you down, could you give us a description of what the assailants looked like, a detailed description? I think so, and I know there was someone else with me in the library and they would probably be able to help as well. OK, all right. Well, OK, whatever gives us the best chance. Excuse me, sir.

We are we're coming up with a plan of attack here. We just need to make sure that it's going to be 100 percent effective. I know nothing less would do for you, but here's the fucking thing. I don't want this guy to send a message to his mommy. He literally calls her mommy. Do you know what type of person calls their mother? Mommy. You think his same family would be just as effective here? Like we could all escort them together, you know, to try to keep. He's going to tap the guard on the shoulder. Fetch me a pen and paper. Quill. Yeah, yeah. All right, I'll go get that just please have a seat and I'm sure a cleric will be by any moment.

And as he's getting ready to go get this pen and paper, he's going to look at the pen and say, motherfucker, like just it's like he's so fucked. Like this is so bad. This whole thing is terrible. Did you know there's practically no crime in Odysseus? What kind of city is this? It's a city of opportunity. He's going to go and he's going to get you some quill and parchment and kind of like set the ink and everything down on a pew and he's like, OK, there's this. This should be this should be great. Can I ask what you're writing? I'm writing to my mother, of course.

Right. Does Dagon know how to send a letter? I mean, I imagine. Where are your carrier pigeons? I would imagine, yeah. So he's going to go, of course, and then he's going to knock the ink over onto the parchment. He's like, I my God, I'm so clumsy. I'm sorry. I'll get that. We don't want that to spill and ruin your clothing here. Your cravat will get moistened. So his cravat already has blood stains. He's going to turn. Matilda, I trust you more than him. Can you and Fenris please go find this other person and meet me back here whenever possible, as quickly as possible, please?

Thank you. But are going to have that like like shifty, like kind of like looks at the door, looks at the guards, because I assume it's in the church is locked on me as well to make sure I don't. Yeah, I think now it's like, OK, we need to lock the stake on guy down and make sure he has armed guards with him, at least for the duration of the day. So he's going to he's going to send Matilda with you. It's just keep an eye on actually, you know what? Hold on. And he's going to do... I have a library to run. I know. I'll reimburse you for the time you're missing.

But here and he's going to hand you a gun. He's going to hand you a small... He's going to hand you like a hand crossbow. And he's like, if he tries to get away, shoot him. Just shoot him. Don't ask him. He's like a glock. Yeah, it's like, here you go. And he's like normally, normally he's much more of a by the book guy, but he's like, now shoot him in the neck. Like if he tries to run, just down him. And we're talking about Fenris? Yes. We're talking about Thraske. That's right. Just shoot me in the neck, please. Sir, someone has to watch the library. He is going to turn and the other guard that wandered after a while is like, I want you to go to the West Side library and I want you to stand guard.

If anyone tries to read a book, shoot them, too. OK, ma'am, is that good? This is a man at the end of his tether. Why can't you please let this guy take a nap? He tries to keep up with the robot, so he pushes himself so much. That's like, OK. Just back away. Moments later, just across town, a little old woman is like, hello, I have come to you. To me, to Calypso, the obvious solution is like, this guy is clearly like the Dragon Keeps problem, just drop them off there, let them handle it. He's just like, no, no, we have to take care of this all. It's so good.

It's never been established. It's like, does this... Do they even know you're coming? Do they know who you are? Like you're fresh in town. You're on the different side of the city. How did you... It's north. It's north from the docks. Like, you know, yeah. Also, like, I don't know how much power the new Eladrin have in their modern day anymore. Well, here's the thing. It's really complicated. So get ready. Hi, everybody out there who haven't listened to the other arcs, but did jump on at arc five. I'm going to break this down for you. So in the beginning, there were the Eladrin and the Eladrin got locked away about a century ago, almost, and eventually they were freed.

Dagon Classic was the last remaining Eladrin, but then his mom knifed him in the back. There's yet a good reason. He kind of went mad with power, but what he wanted to do was steal an artifact to bring the old Odysseus back. So it sort of made clones, just kind of magical copies of everyone that was in Odysseus, their home city, when they originally disappeared. So what you got is a young Dagon who has no memories of anything that happened in the century that he was missing. Meanwhile, the original Eladrin took over a city called Onakol in the far south, in the desert, and Brightport actually helped them get back on their feet.

And then when they were back on their feet, they cut all ties with Brightport and refused to pay them back. Kind of dicks. That pretty much catches you up to what we have going on here. So the original Eladrin do have some pull in the city, but mostly because they have a lot of debt. So they're not probably in a big rush to make friends with the Eladrin, although it really would put the screws to the Eladrin classic if their copies started getting business opportunities that they don't have access to. Kind of a big fuck you, so like that's a 4D chess move.

We'll see what happens. But first, we got to get him there alive. So what we're going to do is we're going to check in real quick with the Thedun. Where did you go after you kind of snuck away from the guards? You're a man with no mouth and a bag full of rat in a big city. What are we doing? I think he goes back to the alley he's been living in and he just goes back there to check in and see if there's anyone there that he knows. He's been in Brightport for a while and it's been difficult to get out and it's been difficult to get out from under, like having to just survive in a city that he doesn't know.

So, yeah, he's just he's found some solace and comfort in a familiar or in an alley that he frequents. And I think he's just going to go there and see if it's safe, see if there's people that he trusts around and try and snack on a rat. I'm going to need two things from you. This is going to sound weird for just a second, but ride with me on this. On a scale of one to 10, how nice is the alleyway you're living in now? That sounds weird, but there's a big difference between like sewer stink, IP in this alley next to the bar on the west side. That's terrible.

Or like maybe you managed to like because you wouldn't know, right? Like maybe you just managed to stow away next to like a rich neighborhood somewhere in an alley. So like you might be squatting behind one of these manor houses and like no one thought to look for vagrants because who would do that? So if you would be so kind as to give me a D10. Oh, sure. Sure. Sure. Yeah, it was a nice alley. It may not be a nice alley right now. Well, that's so like, yeah, that's it's it's a decent alley. So you're probably near the market district. So like you can you can get like scraps of like bread and like, you know, things like that.

There's there's samples of like fruits and meat and stuff like that. There's there's always stuff going on. So they would probably cotton on to you. But most people in the market district are kind of nice. So like if like the you know, if the people selling breakfast sausage there and it's like, oh, that, you know, do you want a sample? And it's like, I know you do. You come here every day. Where does that go, by the way? I don't see you have a mouth, but that's fine. And, you know, you just get the the other thing I need you to do. And this is a bit of a secret.

I need you to do me a favor and give me a D20. Hold on a second. A D20, a flat D20. Flat D20. You got it. Just a flat D20. 17. 17? Can't be bad. Am I looking are we looking for high numbers or low numbers? Can you give me that? Always high on a D20, but I'll tell you what you just rolled for me. It was an animal handling check. OK, this rat. Pet rat, pet rat, pet rat. Stopped struggling, realizing it's like, oh, my butt's never going to get out of this bag. So like just kind of like stop wiggling. Like if you get to the alley and like he's hanging out and like kind of like looking, you know, it's like, oh, you know, and you notice that he's not he's not trying to get away, maybe get out of the bag, but not get away from you.

So what you do from here, totally up to you. I just wanted to let you know. Don't you dare. Don't you dare even. Well, I think. Aiden's small animals have a past on the show, so don't look for mercy when it comes to. Yeah, I think the I think the Thedyn, he goes to the alley, he looks around to sort of like make sure the coast is clear to to have a meal. Basically, this rat and he pulls it out of the bag. And as you said, there's like marketplace. And so there's bits of detritus and discarded food and stuff like that. And this rat out of the bag, like is up in his hand and he's holding it up, this plump, fat rat, and it's sort of like sniffing around and it seems to like just sort of like crawl along his arm and along his shoulders and across the spines around his head and just sort of like moving around him.

And the Thedyn recognizes that this rat seems to at least be friendly, comes from the streets like he is at the moment and instead reaches over for like a crust of bread and just holds it up to to the rat to nibble on. And they sit there in the alley eating garbage. Thank you. Hi. Yeah, that's that's. Do we have a name for this critter? Because without trying. I mean, the Thedyn doesn't have a name. Three groups now have a pet animal of some sort that was without trying. Didn't try. We got dog, Roger and... Well, because the Thedyns don't really do names, right?

Like, is that... Not really like, yeah, like he's been in the city for a while, like he recognized that other people, we could hit up a random name generator and just take the first one. I think, well, I think like let's talk, what's this rat? What's this rat look like? We got we got like... Well, we know he's got a big butt. Yeah, he's got a big butt. OK, yeah. What's the backstory? Thick. Can we name the rat Dumper? That's perfect. That's perfect. So like we know one outside of the rat and the Thedyn really, really know this. But the audience who is watching realizes that the Thedyn in thinking of a name for this rat is thinking, one, a feeling of camaraderie with it.

It's the feeling of being close to garbage and that it has a really thick ass. So the feeling of dumpy sort of like emerges in both of their heads. Dumpy. I like Dumpy the rat. I like so, OK. It's so good. I imagine when you take it out of the bag and you're like going to eat it, it was like struggling and wiggling. And like when you're holding it, like you got it by one hand and it's just like. It's just kind of like looking you in the eye and like not trying to it's like like. It's a little nose like doing the little. Yeah, yeah, it gets kind of like what are we doing, boss?

Like just kind of like hanging out. And rodents are very butt communicative, like guinea pigs specifically. They have a war dance, did you know? And their war dance is just kind of like twerking, like they kind of like wiggle their butts at each other. And like that's supposed to be it's like, don't fuck with me, man. I'm on the edge. Like you're just kind of like they're doing that and it's adorably threatening like it's but yeah, no rats a little less so. But I'm going to say this. Let's dumpy the rat, I think. Do you want dumpy the rat to be a male or female?

Let's have let's have dumpy the rat be a thick boy. He can be a thick boy. Yeah. So he's got pig balls. Giant testicles. So, yeah. Yeah. So two things about boy rats. One, their testicles make up about 30 percent of their body. No joke. Two, they're always peeing constantly. Wherever they walk, there's a pee trail attached to them. You can actually track them with black lights. So, yeah, I think we went over this. Yeah. When in our earlier recording. So, yeah, it's definitely got to be a boy because there's a lot of respect. They're very smart. And so we can teach them tricks.

Oh, yeah. Like that dumpy is going to be a valued member of this team. I think. Does dumpy have more hit points than Dagon? I will worry about that next time, but I think that is a fantastic time for us to stop for the evening. Yeah, that's a good ending. Also, I'm working on a pet loyalty system where they're going to level up alongside you. Oh, my gosh, yes. So they're not only so they're going to get new abilities based on how close they are to you and what experiences they have in the party. I can't wait to finish that system. So I had to start making it because of dog, because like.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's such a big thing going on right now. It's like, huh, that's like dogs going to start learning stuff. And like he's kind of an independent like she's kind of a like an independent party member that sometimes takes orders. But most of the time it's just a sheeb. So like does what she wants. I will turn it over to James, I believe, is doing our clothes, right? Not doing our clothes in right. I need to do that. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Yeah, never mind. I had a mild heart. I'll hand it over to you. I'm sorry. I don't know why we had a conversation.

Look, man, I didn't think we get this far. Like the ending. I didn't think I didn't have to think about that. I figured I was just going to have to talk Kelsey down for the ledge. Like, you know, we did a full thing. It's great. He and my good sir. Hey, everyone, I hope you enjoyed the episode. I hope you enjoyed meeting Dumpy the rat. Just so you know that you can watch this episode on Twitch and all episodes every Saturday at 7 p.m. EST before they're released Sunday night. That's before the episode comes out on any of the podcast stuff that you listen to.

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There's lots of tiers, plenty of ways to contribute and also get a bunch of cool D&D dungeons and randomness stuff. So, yeah, we'll hope we see you again. And thanks for listening. Bye.