The Way of Things

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We are putting out monthly modules, and we're just putting out a boss fight for May. If you want to fight three bears, there you go. Without further ado, let's get on with the show. ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ -Can I ask what it is that Darmok is doing after I address Jim?

-He's going to move aside and what he's doing is he's moving over to one of these these downed villagers that's kind of like bleeding out like holding their guts in. -And he's going to kind of like-- -To their nose. -Yeah, he's going to suck the snot right out. So he's going over-- like this guy's got like a compound fracture because he was dropped from like 20-- so like he's stroking the bone a little bit and it looks like it's like, "Are you going to heal that guy?" And it looks like he's siphoning something off of that guy. Like-- and forgive me, the look on his face looks like he's getting off to the suffering.

Like he's enjoying this guy's pain and torment. So that's what Darmok's doing. -Okay, and I'd have to do like a perception check to see what it is he's siphoning off. -Arkana probably. -Arkana. And that would be my turn. -Do you want to give me one for free? -For free? I'll take it for free, man. -No, no, no. We're telling the story. Let's go. Let's go. -Free is my favorite word. -Bam. Arkana's not really my thing anyway, so. -With a 13, though, you're going to see-- it's probably a good thing he wears loose-fitting robes and layers. Because like he's-- yeah, he's really into it.

Like he's-- like as this person's on the ground, it's like, "Can you help me?" And like he kind of like touches the femur or wherever it is and just kind of like, "Oy oy oy oy oy." Like he's trying to-- that made it sound like he has a boner. He does. No, he's going to like stroke the bone. No, that's-- no. The femur. -Tent pinching, pitching out. Come on, Darmok. -The femur. He's really-- and he's going to make a noise like, "Uhhhh." -Because he's siphoning something off. And with a 13, check this out. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. -He's orny.

-Not a secret. -Trust me. Nope. He doesn't have a great poker face for that. So. It looked like on the table, like Velma said, "BRB!" Like just, "I'm leaving." "The horny necro sorcerer was enough for me. Goodbye." So it looks like he's siphoning off power from this. Like this is a place maybe he created to endlessly torment these people and like step in every once in a while. It's like, "Oh man, it's like a zen garden for him." Like this is not-- -It goes to recharge, literally. -Yes. No. Yeah. -Oh, so him being here, we're like healing him. -For lack of a better term, yeah.

Like, don't get me wrong. This is like, he's plugged his cell phone in at 1%. This is not, he's not back to-- -OK. OK. -I have a few minutes before my plan boards. Let me just fucking like, you know what I mean? Like, it's that. -Got it. -I love that analogy. When your phone's at 1%, you're in the airport, you get to, you find-- -It's like, "Oh shit." -You find outlet, you plug it in, you just get sigh of relief. -You make the same sound Darmok just made. It's the exact same thing. It's like, "I gotta put my suitcase in front of me." Like, it's-- -What am I kicking out this suit out of the airport?

-She's been wearing sweatpants to the airport. -There's no one here to squirt me away. -That's enough charging for you, buddy. -No, I'm a Tesla. -You can't drag me away. -So, now you know that. -Yes. So, Tatian's gonna look over at this and just say to herself, "What the fuck?" And is going to turn back to fire at this minotaur. -Oh, damn. We'll drop that three to take a 19. 24 will hit. -Ooh. -Two sneak attack damage. Ten damage total. You guys are chopping this tree down. Anything else? -Nope. -Okay. Fella, you are up. -I think she'll just continue doing what she's doing.

You know, attacking with her rapier. -The pooch. -Maybe. Okay. We're just gonna do it over here with advantage. -Oh, yeah. 18 will hit. -Okay. So, damage normal. -Damage. -Not bad. Sneak attack. Yes. Yay. Okay. That's ten damage. -Ooh-wee. Okay. -Let's see. This might be one of the first parties that have two sneak attackers. -Yeah. And honestly, I was gonna say I don't think that she would have the wherewithal to retreat. 'Cause her intelligence is just a flat ten. So, she's just gonna stay right where she is. -All right. Well, hopefully Blevins gives you some of that luck.

-Yeah. -It sucks 'cause you're a new target, so he's not... -Yeah, I know. That's why I was like, "Aww." When you said the words, like, negative two, I was like, "Oh, great! He's swinging at me." 'Cause it said, "To the to--" And I was like, "Oh, fuck off." So, this Minotaur, by the way, is just squaring up now. Like, almost, like, it's got no pupils or anything. Just these deep, green, like, flaming eyes. But just gonna kind of, like, puff its bony chest out toward Larg. Just like, "Fuck it, what?" Like... -Yeah, it's very, I think, Hulk first thing. We're kind of just being huge at each other. [Laughter] -Like, he's clearly bigger, but yeah.

-Just a lot of screaming and, like, grappling. -Yeah. -Yeah. There's two gorillas in the zoo going at it, basically. [Laughter] -Uh, Blevins, you're up. -I'm gonna do another rapier attack at the dog and try to whittle him down. Maybe make a remark about his shaggy fur or something. Make sure that confidence stays low. -Standard roll. Advantage. -Oh, we'll drop a 3 to take a 16. 20. That advantage, man. That is working. -Yeah. -Especially with a lot of sneak attackers, this is great stuff. Another 7. I'll take it. -Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Guys, that will kill the dog. -The dog.

-This is for your shaggy fur. Nice. Stick it in him. -I like to think that our rapiers actually, like, slash at the same time and just cut his head off. -Can we touch tips? -Like, both heads. Yes. [Laughter] -Just a little bit? -We'll dock right there at the spine. -I mean, guys, you're in the middle of town. Like, let's maybe, like... [Laughter] -Maybe they got to do anything that might give him more power, okay? Let's just... -You catch a flick of that. -With that meme of the guy going... [Laughter] -Your love is just like, "I won't tell if you won't." -Uh...

-Lag, you are up. -Alright, we're going to keep doing what's been working, so we're going to Great Axe this fella. -Uh, here we go with advantage. -Mmm, Jesus. Yes, sir. -Back there's a crit. -Let's see if we're rolling on the table. -That's what I asked for. -Yeah, Jimmy, that there's a crit. -Thanks for making that work out for me, Jason. -I, you know I do what I can. -Yeah, I mean, I appreciate it. -So, let's see if that's... -What does that mean? [Laughter] -Do me a favor, give me a d6. Let's see if this is on the table, and then... -That's a d6. -That's a 3.

-Oh, that's on the table. -Hey. -Well, give me a d20. -Mmm, a d20. -That's a 7. -7 tonight. -Parry. -Mallbuster, he dies immediately. -No. -In addition to standard critical hit damage to your target, you gain +2 to your AC against attacks from the target until the end of your next turn. -That could come in handy. -Yes, it could. -That helps me. -Mm-hmm. -All right, let's do some damage. -So, wait, wait, wait, you have a triple critical, you said? -I have a triple critical. -I think it'll do the math for me, but let's see. -Let's see. -That's super cool. -Oh my god, he did it!

-Oh my goodness. -He's a little bitched. -Can you just like, baseball swing Super Smash Bros. just out of here? -Boom! -Holy shit. -Boom! -I just want to watch that red bar go down. -Oh, we'll see it. -Oh my gosh. -He's still alive. -Ooh, feels so good. -As a result. -Uh-oh. -Oh, fuck off. -Oh, fuck off. -Please, paint a picture though, paint a picture. -Yeah, so you said parry, so I kind of imagined, because we're just, like I said, we're just being huge at each other, all it was was the Minotaur swung his axe down and used his own axe to basically just bat it out of the way and then use that momentum to chop into him.

-Like two kids playing with giant pool noodles. -One of them knows what he's doing, he's been in what too many pool noodle fights. -Oh man, you ever watch a kid who's never been to a pillow fight before? -That's a better analogy, that one kid who's never been in a pillow fight and the kid who brought the heavy pillow, yeah. Take him off his feet. -Uh, fucking ow, firstly. -You know what's ow? Wet socks. -I'm in a wet sock fight, it was like bludgeoning sticks. -Geez. -Oh, it hurts. -Yeah. -I'm assuming this is like a pool party or locker room, those are the only two places that's appropriate to have a wet sock fight.

-We were like outside years ago, this is the 90s, so you know. -You guys were drinking Surge and like all hopped up, you don't know what's going on. -Two bottles of jolt and who knows what I'll do, yeah. -You know, the battleground's using a skip it, like you're just fucking, like just. -Oh yeah, skip it. -That'll hurt, you could swim the skip it at somebody. -Yeah. -That's a war crime, that is, we outlawed that, the Geneva Convention prevents it. -My next Shadowrun character's gonna use a skip it as a weapon. It'd be great, actually. -I've been wanting to run a Shadowrun campaign, but I don't have the time to read the rules.

-No, it's hard, man. It's uh. -It's a beautiful game, though. -Yeah, if you get it right, it's a beautiful game. -I love the game, but it's, you gotta notice somebody who knows those rules. Anyway. -It's a modified flail that goes around your ankle. -Oh, I love it, yes. And the very best thing of all. So, you're going to hit this dude and like he's gonna start to fall back, you're like yeah, he's fucking, he's dead, he's gonna put a bony hoof back and start to use that momentum to spin around. Everyone within 10 feet of this minotaur, can I get a dex save?

-No. -I'm looking for 12 or higher, or he hits you. -Now, is Blevins in that 10 feet range? -He is, yeah. Everyone but Vella and Tatiana. -Oh, okay, I was gonna ask, I was like technically- -Oh, wait, no. Yeah, you are. Sorry. -Yeah, I think I am, yeah. -Yeah. -I can advantage on that. -Oh, god. -Oof, Josephine, no, Lark, yeah, Lark's fine. -Oh, why does it have to be so bad? Like, isn't the no modifier enough? -How do you do that? -Oh, all you have to do is click on the abilities, like the stat, the name. -Oh, god, it's sorry. -Yeah, you're sorry, stop being sorry.

-No, just normal? -No, just normal. -What were we looking for? -Oh, 14, you're fine, 12. We were looking for 12. -Oh, Jesse, okay, cool. -Is it just me? -I rolled a 17. -Oh, yeah, it is just Josephine. Well, the good news is it's only, what's the great ax do again? 2d12 plus four, that's all, like that's it. -Okay. -And what are the odds that he rolls the same as he rolled last time? -Oh, 19 damage. -Good night. -Josephine says, "God damn it, I love naps," and just fucking falls to the ground. And this minotaur is going to feel a little bit more justified, but kind of pissed off.

It's like, motherfucker, like you can, like he's an undead cow man, but still you can see frustration on his bony face. Like you just, it's like, okay. Josephine, can I get a death saving throw, please? -Sure, if I can find it. -It's right on the front page. -There it is. -Yeah, you got it. -You got it? -Oh, you're a whore. -That's another three. -Stop! -Fucking beast. -Three. -Well, that's one fail. I don't think this fight's going to last that long though. -Fine, it's great. -Good hustle. Good hustle. This minotaur is going to just try and chop at Larg. Just so done with your shit.

-Oof. -Nice. -Oof. -And he's just going to brick it. Nine is nothing. -It's nothing. -So go... Oh, guys, that's the end of a round. That means we're re-rolling. Blevins. -Blevins first? -Blevins first. -Oh. -Blevins is going to... -Take us home. -He's going to saunter. He might be in range of an opportunity attack from the minotaur, so he's going to stay in this range. He's going to crawl over to Josephine and then just say, "It's not your time yet." Again? -Yes. -Because we're in hell? -I was going to have Darmok go over there now. -Oh. -I think Darmok's done enough.

-Darmok's got his own thing going on in the background. -Yeah, he's dead. -Don't bother him. -He's got to skip it. He's having fun. The location of the skip it may surprise you. -Oh, gross. -I need a t-shirt of Darmok doing a skip it. -Well, you're in real life, so... -Oh my gosh, that's a brilliant idea. -I need that t-shirt. -That would be rad. I'd wear that. I'd get a tattoo of that. -That's the greatest image in real life. -He needs to be listening to a Walkman, too. -He was such a 90s kid. For healing to Josephine. So no longer unconscious. We're going to reset that counter.

Good, good, good. -Are you supposed to be the healer? -You are? -Josephine flicks blood out of her eye. I'm trying, I'm trying. Anything else, actually, before Blevins is wrapped up? -No, you unspent. -Sorry, that's enough sex jokes. Vella, you're up. You're muted, too, I think. -I sure am, thank you. So seeing that great act, she's going to be like, "You know what, fuck that." And taking advantage of the fact that Blevins is crawling, she's going to get out her short bow and try and hit him with a... an arrow. Yeah, sorry. And then we get... -Stop saying sorry!

-My brain just farted. It was like, "Oh, good." -My fondest hope was you're just going to say, "Fuck it, the bow. He's going to whip the bow." -Do I get advantage on it? Or is it just a plus three for like... Okay, cool, never mind then. -Yeah, technically Josephine's there. -Yes. -Well, we'll drop a four to take an 18. -Okay. -Demange, standard. -Okay, and then sneak attack. -Demange. -Yes. -Oh. -There we go. -Okay. -Okay. -Nine damage in total. -Yeah, I believe that's all she's going to be able to do. I'm just surprised she hits. -Guys, we're so close. -She normally misses with her bow.

-We are so close. Tatiana. -Tatiana is going to shoot with her bow too. -I don't know why I got sing-songy, sorry. -It's jaunty, I'm okay with it. -But wait, I'm going to use my bardic inspiration. -Yes. -You also get advantage. -Oh yeah, well I'll just do that first then. -Yeah. -Well, I don't... ignore that, I'm sorry. -Ignore that 20? -Do I have to? -Ignore that 20? -Can I keep it? -Yes, keep the fucking crit, Jamie. Why would we get rid of it? -I don't know. -Because it was a black d20? -Yeah, because I messed up the button pushing. -I'm going to allow it. It's okay, let's keep that crit.

Do you realize what they would do to me if I took that away from you? -If you took away a crit? Okay, that is fair. See, I don't think about those things. -I'd be a dead man. Not that I would do it anyway, but like I... -Yeah. -Take my license away, the state would revoke it. -So it didn't do the whatever, but I will do it here for the regular damage. Critical. -So the three is your sneak attack. -Yep. -And then 11 damage. Uh-oh. Boom, that'll kill the Minotaur. -Yeah. I want it to pierce right through his eyeball. -He's... He's upset and dead. -Oh, is he upset? -Just gonna fall apart, like mean muggin'.

Mean muggin', Laurie, the whole time is like, "Motherfucker." Just like he's... -There was a scowl on his face. -Yeah. -I love it. -Laurie goes winding up on last shot, sees him go down, and the last thing he sees is me going, "Ah, that's all set. I don't need to even... I don't even need to swing." Look at the blood splatter all over the... It looks like Dragon Age 1 out here. Like, what the fuck? -Why? -That'll take you guys out of combat. And you're... Lark's going to... Well, okay, actually, you know what? Jamie, you were the one to discover this. Are you saying anything about... 'Cause that guy's passed on, by the way, the guy he was touching.

-Yeah. -And Darmok's kind of gotten up now, and he's looking for other people, but yeah. -I am fully staring at Darmok as he is getting up from this position. What the fuck was that? -Are you speaking to him? -Yes. Loudly. -Okay, so he'll close the gap between you guys and get probably half a step closer than he needed to in order to reply. -You ever talk with a close talker? You're like, "Mm, there's that invisible personal space." -You look like you had everything well in hand. I just needed a bite to eat. -You ate that person? That man? It looked like you were sucking something.

What was that? -Boogers. -Boogers. I was waiting. I saw Garret's face. It was like, "Okay." -Well, technically, it was just his suffering. Don't worry. He'll be back tonight. Every day, they rejoice and party, and every night, they're torn apart again and again and again. -How? Like, how does that happen? Just 'cause this is hell and they're being tormented? -Well, that undersells my ingenuity quite a bit, don't you think, young lady? Things like this don't just happen. It's like an artist with a brush or a sculptor. -So you made this just for the purpose of having a snack around?

-At the time, it was more for amusement purposes. I had grown beyond what this could give me, but I must admit that it's been very convenient. -And Tatiana's gonna look around at these village people being torn apart by these fucking demon creatures and is going to say, but not look back at Darmok, "Stop it. If you made it, stop it." -Don't worry. They won't remember anything when I bring them back. They do this every single day. -Well, that's not happening anymore because you're going to end this now, and she's gonna point her bow at Darmok. -Mm. [clears throat] Hmm.

-Can I get an intimidate check, please? -Okay. -And, you know, Blevin's just gonna say, passively, in the background, "Now, now, no need for violence. Any such of the sort." We can speak about this rationally, with intent. -Rationally. -It's an eight. Oh, that's a flat. Oh, that's flat. Okay, so it's an eight. -Yeah, I am not. I'm a small human, barely out of their 20s. -It's about the fight in the dog, Jamie. -Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. -So if you got this arrow, um, if you got this arrow pointed at him, what he's gonna do is he's going to kind of loosely grip the shaft up here.

-Mm-hmm. -And his hand is kind of slick with that guy's blood, so he's gonna kind of, like, use his thumb to, like, play with the point of your arrow, and just, like, it's... not only is he not taking this seriously, he's greasing up your arrow with an "I got it," and it's just not good. -Yeah, and honestly, though Tatyana plays it tough, the arrow and bow itself is probably shaking. Like, she is scared of Darmok. He is... scary, you know? So even though she wants to pretend that she has no fear, she's definitely, like, "Mm, please don't fuck with me, though." [laughs] -He's gonna look at you for a long time, just kind of, like, just kind of, like, kind of sizing you up.

And after probably ten seconds of awkward silence, he's going to kind of, like, gently wave a hand. And this place is going to go right back to the Merriment Music Celebration festivities. There is not a hint of evidence that any violence just took place. Except for you guys, like, bathed in blood and shit, like, you know. But no one's looking at you like, "Holy shit! What did you guys do?" They just... they just don't notice. And he's gonna... Darmok's gonna lean in. "Are you happy now?" -And Tatyana will lower her bow. And look around to see all of these happy people, and say, "As happy as you can be in Hell." -"Maybe you can repay the favor one day." -I'm sure you're keeping a tally of everything we owe.

-He's going to walk, like, kind of walk away. And now that this place isn't offering him anything, he seems to be moving toward the exit of the little brisker. There's nothing here now. It's like, "I don't want to see these people have a good time. Fuck them." So he's going to kind of, like, start to walk past Larg. -Yeah, he's not a pervert. -Yeah, that's... it's fucking weird. He's not a voyeur. -He's absolutely a voyeur. -Blevins, he's gonna look around. "Well, that seems awfully all for naught. How's everyone?" -You visibly see Tatyana, untense, as Darmok walks away. [SIGHS] -I think Bella would just be, like, putting her rapier, like, very angrily.

Like, she'd clean it off and then put it angrily, like, away. She'd be like, "All for naught is right. Like, what the fuck?" Just, like, muttering to herself. -I'm just busy wiping all the blood off of her face. -Yeah. -I'm probably gonna give myself a cure wound, just because I don't know what's happening. [LAUGHTER] -Log your conscience, Karen! Go! Kill yourself! [LAUGHTER] -Log's gonna reach down and pick up this minotaur's axe, if it's still there, after the reset. -Oh, it's so 80s. Fuckin' it looks like... It looks like it was on the cover of, like, an Iron Maiden, like, cassette tape.

Fuckin' made of bones, and, like, it's got tattered bits of armor in between the joints of the bones of, like, fallen soldiers that, like, he just wrapped up in there. It's so fuckin' cool. -Yeah, this is way better than the rest of the game. -It's got a lot of Karen's blood all over it, like, it's fuckin'... -It's pretty bloody. -Vintage. -It's been broken in. -Yeah. -Yeah, he's literally, like, he's not paying any attention to... 'Cause he's coming down off of rage at this point, so he wasn't paying any attention to Blevins's question. He wasn't paying any attention to the conversation between Tatiana and Dharmak.

He basically is just, like, doing his breathing exercises. Picks up his axe and is like, "Alright, well, that'll do." Joe's probably gonna offer, like, some healing too, if he is... wants that? Yeah, he actually looks like he just noticed that he was hurt when you pointed out. He's gonna, like, approach him like a, you know, like an animal. She's gonna start all, like, "Hey!" "I'm gonna come near you now." "Can I just, like, touch your arm gently?" He starts with some sounds. -"Hey, Larg." -A little rash. "It's okay, Larg." "You're in charge. Come on." "Who's in charge?" "Oh, you could've... oh." Yeah, he'll sort of seem to notice for the first time that he's actually hurting.

He'll look down at him and then he'll be like, "Yeah, please." "Ow, actually." "Ugh, this axe hurts a lot. I'm gonna keep it." We have a unique situation here in Hell. Because we're not using travel die in the traditional sense, in that each one of them represents traveling for so many hours or whatever. What I want to do... is I want to keep the same system, but what it represents is more... potential roadblocks, stuff like that, just like regular traveling, but the risk and reward is far greater. So getting rewarded in Hell is kind of like getting the metal ass-like axe.

Power can be both purchased and stolen. So the things you defeat in Hell, you siphon right off, just like Darmok did. Oh. You guys leveled up from that one fight. The more dangerous the fight, the greater the chance that you level up. However, should you die, creatures can steal your power as well, and will remain as a roadblock that you have to eventually take down. That's so cool. Yikes. Also they get more powerful. So Lugg's going to start chopping into these villagers. Come here, Henry! Start biting them. What did Darmok do? Just start liking them. Wow, in 2005, I know how to grind.

Let's go! So with that, so getting into combat isn't the worst thing in the world. Failing in combat means, picture almost like the Mortal Kombat tower thing that you have to climb up. You basically kind of fall laterally into another section of Hell, and you have to get back up there. And, yeah, but you'll be in a completely different section when you die and come back. It'll just be a weird, could be a weird roleplay event. It could be a puzzle. It could be, could be anything. So with that, I need to ask who feels lucky? Who wants to roll a travel die and who?

I guess, like, what value are you going for? D4 all the way to D12? If you're really feeling crazy, you can roll a D20. I'm not feeling lucky at all, so. Question. Hit me. At the end of session two, I won the trivia, so I can reroll any three dice once. Does that count for this? Ooh, if I get a poor result. Hmm. It's kind of meta, like stepping outside. What I'll, here's, here's what I'll do. Here's what I'll do. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. We'll play a game. OK. You roll, and obviously if it's a poor result, you know it's a poor result. But if it's, if it's on the better side, I'm going to write down what it is.

And you can either keep it and know, or you can say, I'm not feeling so good about that because I'm going to give you a hint. Oh. And then I'll let you see what it was if you pass on it. And you can reroll after that. Fun. OK. OK. I kind of want to do that. If everybody's cool with that. Yeah, go for it. Yeah. You got it. The catch is you have to roll a d12. OK. I was, that's what I figured. I was like, I bet I got to roll high. Now you want a d20? D12? I mean, if you want to do, if you want to. I'm not feeling ballsy enough for a d20. No, I wasn't going to. Yeah, no.

No, I don't want to punish you for a reward. We can handle the minotaur. What is that, like a 21 anyway? We're fine. OK, so d12. D12, let's see it. OK. I would like to reroll that. Let's reroll that. Let's see. Let's see what you got. Hopefully a little bit better. Oh, yeah. Yay. OK. Now I'm going to write something down on the side, and I'm going to give you to give you a bit of a hint. OK. OK, so. This would be basically you traveling scot free, but there is something you can stop and do, and it would be a problem that you all need to solve together. And the reward would be something you can use in combat offensively.

I like the idea of that. All right. So, yay. So not a guaranteed like you're going to get this, but we could. So this is going to be a timed puzzle. That you all need to solve together. And the reward on the line is an enchanted bow. Oh, that's it. It is. So, you know, what's cool? Many, many years ago, I created a bunch of weapons and stuff like that and armor. And I told you guys that like some of it, you just can't get to because like it's it's in places like hell. So like there are named weapons and armor down here that you guys will have a chance to get.

And this is one of those opportunities. So I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening. But we'll be kicking things off. We'll be kicking things off in the next session with a timed puzzle. I'm so excited. Oh, man, it's good. We all have to clap at the exact same time. Oh, no. You know how to get that bow down for sure. Statistically, this is not an intelligent group. I'll just... No. I don't think we have a single smart person in this group, character wise. I was like, personally, I'm not offended at all. You're all gummies is what I'm saying. I just don't think we we don't have a wizard.

I'll just say that. Yeah. You're talking about my intelligence is a plus one. Listen, with this level up, who knows what my intelligence could be? If you guys want to do your level ups in D&D Beyond. You got it. Oh, my goodness. I can just... Yeah, baby. Sounds good. However, before we do that, we got to roll for hit points. We got to see how many hit points you guys are going to get. We're back to that now, guys. The grace period for the cortex D&D transition is over. So back. Oh, are we doing an after thing for after the session, like trivia or something? No, not this time.

It's 100 degrees outside and I'm dying. So... Oh, Jason. Sorry to hear that. I'm sorry. I think I've kept it together pretty well. That was a good session. It was a great session. Yeah. So here's what we're going to do. Let's go down the list. Let's start with you, Jamie Tatiana. Oh, shoot. I wasn't ready. OK, what am I rolling? Well, what are your hit die? I'm trying to find that one second. 1d8, I believe. I think it is. Yeah, 1d8. OK, so give me a d8, please. Did I do it? There you go. Seven. Yay. All right. All right. So what I'm going to do, I needed that. I'm not going to lie.

I needed it back. Wait, isn't it plus something else? One of your modifiers. Plus one. So eight. You have eight. So here's what I'm going to do. I am going to write these down. Just in case we forget, and they'll be in the log here. Lisa. You said it's plus con. Plus con. 1d8 plus my con modifier, which is two. Oh, my God. Yes. Nice. Thank goodness. Nine. I'm putting it in my notes, so I don't forget. Nine hit points. Because I will. Zach, you are up. All righty. Bard is 1d8 plus one for my con. So I'm not sure how to add the modifier. So we could just add a plus one at the end.

Oh, yeah. I got to get too fancy, huh? I could do that math shit. Six. Not the worst. OK. You know what? Let's save Karen for last. I think I'd be fun. Jamison. All right. That's a D12 plus three. Oh, shit. We go. Beefy boy. Eleven hit points. I need those. Give them. Yeah. Nice. If that Minotaur keeps doing shit like that, like that was. Yeah. Went toe to toe with him. That was wild. Good old crit. That'll do it. That'll even the field triple. Great, man. I need more of those feet. More crits. Oops. All crits. I want it. OK, Karen, here we go. Now, look, I want you to look at this field and I want you to gather inspiration from this eight, seven, nine.

Like, look at these. Nothing below average. Before you roll, before you roll. Here it is. I'd like to make it. I'd like to make a deal with you. Yeah. Dormammu deal, baby. Here we go. Here we go. If you roll a one, you're dead. That's if. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So if you roll a one, I want to give you a one. I want to give you an automatic level up. Oh, however, damn. You also get disadvantage on your next health roll for your level up. It's only if you roll a one, what are the odds? Pretty great. What do you want? Let's do it. Yeah, with it, are you what are you a fighter fighter?

What are you a cleric? Oh, that's a D8. OK, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. All right, ready? I'm ready. Yeah. Oh, oh, no. Come on, guys. Am I the devil? I think I'm the devil. I'm like, well, first, it's twelve point five percent chance. I love never tell Karen the odds. But I got that extra level again. You do. So like, I mean, that's better, right? Like better. Yeah. So hold up. So what's your con? Yeah, it's to it. So far you got three now. Oh, I got to roll again. Yeah, yes. Now it's with disadvantage. How do I just roll it twice? You might roll better on this one than your last level.

OK, so, yeah, seven. So ten total points, but a whole extra level. Oh, yes. A whole extra level. Yeah. Yes. And I get an ability score improvement. Nice. Great. So you have to act better than this. That was the weird echo. It was. Yeah, just just fucking just. Strap some of these bodies to you and build up that armor class. You can stand in the middle of this place. It's not bad. You could just like spear bomb. I guess I have a heavy armor. I'm like, what are the words I'm looking for? Stop dying. Just stop dying then. I think you're fine now. Stop charging me. So here's the so the problem is you have a crunchy outer coding, but a nougaty center that they keep getting to.

Yeah. OK, OK, OK, so we'll work on that. Guys. How about I close this out? I was going to turn it over to Zach and I feel like that's mean. I can try, but I don't want to keep it from here. You know, you're fine. You're fine. This one seems so much easier. So I mean, I don't want to be here this over. Oh, that's totally fine. Hi, everybody out there. If you want to see more of this, Hi, everybody out there. If you want to see us hit Karen harder and harder, then swing on by our Patreon at patreon.com/dandr. And you can see all the outtakes that we didn't even show you.

We kicked the shit out of her. Like she like she takes these deals and man, you're going to you're going to want to see it. And it's not in the main shows. So it helps keep the lights on, helps buy us air conditioning in California because it's 100 degrees. And more importantly than even that, if you're watching this and you liked what you saw, subscribe to us, follow us, share the episode. You doing that helps us in ways you cannot imagine. That pollination, that audience growth, that's what we're looking for. So thank you so much for joining us. And we'll see you next week with another brand new episode and just take care of yourselves until then.

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