Long Way Down

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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Of course, if you're watching on YouTube, make sure to like, subscribe, comment and share. Do all that good algorithm stuff. And without further ado, let's get on with the day's episode. Hey everybody, this is Jasper. Welcome to Dungeons & Randomness. A few things just as an intro. First of all, please make sure you check out our Patreon. Patreon.com/dandr Join the Discord. Get to be part of our community. Get to be part of all these conversations we're having sort of here in the background. Making all sorts of in-jokes and having great gossip. Find us everywhere on all of the social media networks.

You got your Instagrams, your Twitters, your Facebooks. Everything like that. All of this you will find at dandrpodcast.com Start there if you don't know where else to start. Recap of the last episode. Are you ready for this? The entire group got in a battle with a bunch of... a bunch of racists. A bunch of humans who don't like anything that aren't humans. And we got in a big fight and we got our asses kicked and we all got knocked out. That's all I've got. Because that's all that happened. And it took a long time for that to happen. Including Dog. Who... We'll see what happens to Dog here.

Other than that, enjoy the show. Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm Sweaty. Going around the table starting with Alex. Hey, I'm Alex. I play K'Nan, the human warlock. And Susan. Hi, I'm Susan. I play Tamika Fildahan, the sorcerer shifter. And I have central AC and a fan onto a grate. Hi, I'm Brianna. I play Runez, who is a Faden monk. And I'm in the same house as Jason and my room is just as hot, but girls don't sweat. Lies. Sorry. Bite my tongue. Jasper, you. Hi, I'm Jasper. I play Petrichor Mulch, the venetian.

And I'm just super comfortable right now. So no complaints. Me too. Yeah, it's really not even that bad right now. It's actually pretty cool. Mostly I just don't know what you guys are complaining about. Anyway, let's play D&D. Yeah. So I'm either going to DM a session or preach a sermon. I don't know which one I'm leaning towards right now. No, no, you're actually in the... You're a Southern attorney. Ladies and gentlemen, I got to get comfy and fucking like just... Was that guy from Venture Brothers Tiny Attorney? Inside of dude's stomach? Oh my God. You know what?

Let's let's jump right into it. You guys are in a pickle and and I want to get into this because you have the dubious honor of being the first D&D group that I've ever DMed for that have been captured. You're not dead. You are not. I mean, it's I've never like I've never done this before. I've had campaigns where they started out incarcerated or something like that. But the objective was always to escape. This is... Well, it's bad because you've been beaten up. You've been, you know, taken hostage. And the only reason they didn't kill you is because they need a couple of answers.

And that doesn't mean that, you know, they might not kill some of you. But we're going to do we're going to do some role play and see what this goes. But I wish you guys the best of luck. I'm sure it's going to work out just fine. Let me punch up something for ambience. Oh, ambience. So, yeah, there you go. A little. All right. OK, my first thought is like this is exactly like when I was a kid and I play like... Missed. Missed. Yes. Thank you. That was the exact game I was thinking of. Oh, my little FMV version of my favorite actor, Jason. You know that he's the air conditioner guy on Community.

John Goodman. John Goodman. Yeah. Can we not talk about air conditioning? That'd be cool. Any pun at the same time. Let's go. Didn't mean to. Sorry. Didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. I'm delirious. Don't don't listen to me. I've lost a lot of fluids. You are not a lot of. You are not. May I approach the air conditioning? Oh, my God. Whoa, look at this. This is niche. This is beautiful. We're in some weird. We're underground. I like nice. I see why Brie was talking about 1990s FMV games right here. It's very. Yeah. Like I'm trying to think of what game this reminds me of the most.

But like if. Basically, if Oblivion were like an FMV game that like you had different choices to make, it's like there's a goblin. Do you want to go to the left or the right? And then like, yeah. Did you get someone on Patreon by any chance? We could name drop if if you know who you got it from this. Oh, my God. So I back a number of very talented people on on Patreon. Bailey Wiki and there's a bunch of different people. So what I'll do just to be safe is I'll just list all the people that I back on Patreon that that do maps and foundry mods and all that kind of stuff in the credits of this episode.

And the person that supplied this map will be right on top of that. Nice. One other thing I didn't expect to shill this hard when I said that. But you could also go to patreon.com/danddr. And then if you click on our profile, then you can see all of the creators that Jason backs. Oh, it's only a few steps away from backing our show and helping us pay for life. It's a lot of pornography, but if you surf through it, there's a lot of good stuff. We both have separate accounts. Yeah, I mean, guys, here's the thing. Pay for your porn. In all seriousness, people are content providers.

Whatever content they're providing, you got to pay for it. You wouldn't download a car, would you? You are preaching now. Well, now you wouldn't download a car, would you? It's not the way I did your story. Vekna did not allow for us to live for downloading cars. Look, for his hand, pay sex workers. Alright, there's so many visual gags that anybody out there listening to the audio can't see it, but it's also on YouTube. Basically, I'm sweating into my eyes and I'm dabbing myself off with a cloth. So yeah, just just just know that it's like a pocket square, too.

It's very fancy. I just want to say speaking of visuals for anybody watching the YouTube video and I'm leaning down. I have a scared pup underneath my desk who I'm giving pets to right now. That's why I'm like this. What did you like? I want to address it before someone's like, what the hell is Susan doing? At least until I twitch you to your fear ship went up a little bit and then you tell. Oh, yeah, it's true. Here's what I'd like to do. I'd like all of you. I'd like all of you to do me a favor and roll a flat d20 and whoever rolls the lowest, we're going to do something here.

You're going to get your throat slit. So no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm joking. Joking. Alex! Welcome back, Alex. Alex rolled the lowest. I did. I got a one. That's a one. Got a one. Yeah. Don't worry. There's there's some some terrible thing that's out there dancing or something that let everybody know that that happened. You were going to come to upside down and you're going to come to because someone is going to splash a cup of water right in your face. So like some of it's going to go up your nose and like it's it's it's kind of that like waking up like that type of thing.

It was you know, it's it's yeah, it was supposed to be rude. But standing in front of you is this this slightly bearded guy. You're going to recognize him as the guy leading the charge in the fight you were in who walked away partway through. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah. So he's he's going to splash this in your face and then he's going to pull up a chair and just Captain America sit backwards. It's like, so you got captured. You messed up. Like, he's just so he's going to he's going to plunk. He's going to pluck down here and then kind of like nudge you with his boot like your forehead, just kind of like kick you back a little bit.

So you're going to start to swing upside down. Wakey wakey. Get up. Can on. You know, I guess without can't touch his face, he'll shake himself like coughing up a little bit. I don't really have a choice. So your feet, your feet and ankles have been tied with just regular ass rope over and over and over again. And you're kind of hanging upside down. There's this there's this kind of flat metal bar. And you're you know, if you can give me a perception with disadvantage, please. I love it. How do I auto assign disadvantage? Right click? Well, all you got to do is click on perception and then it'll ask you.

Yo, let's get him out of the way right now. Let's get these ones out. There's another one. So you're you're clearly disoriented. You might have a concussion like it's real bad, right? It's it's just real nasty. And you're you're kind of like bleary eyed, just like looking around. But you are going to realize your your hands are free. Your arms are just like dangling upside down. They didn't tie up your hands for some reason. That is I mean, that's very odd considering what I what I do. Like they saw me do it, too. So I guess Kanaan would as he's upside down and he'll look at he'll look at his hands and then back because he's upside down back to the guy in the chair.

And I'll say it's upside down. Is this really necessary? If you were to look over, you're going to see just again, you're kind of like coming to you see your friends are definitely tied up and their hands are definitely bound. And if you kind of crane your head this way, you're going to see that dog is in this makeshift wooden cage thing that they've they've rigged up here. So dog is. You know what? Let's see if dogs conscious. Let's let's do let's do a flat D20 here. Let's see what we got for dog. Oh, I rolled to hold on a second. I just need one. There we go.

Yeah. So dogs conscious definitely hurt. So dogs kind of like holding up one paw and just kind of like it definitely hurt. Dog needs medical attention at some point. You all do, obviously. And he's going to he's going to be sitting here. Well, I want to make sure you don't go anywhere till we've had a little bit of a chat. Also, don't don't try anything with the magic because got a couple of people with crossbows trained on you. So I can guarantee you we fill you full of holes before you kill me. I'm good. I cannot will not his head, but he's nodding upside down, so it's a weird motion and you'll say, I mean, that I don't have much magic left, if we're being honest.

And he's trying to stay calm, but at the same time, he's like, this is all bad. This is very bad. First off, my name is General Abrams, and I'm going to ask you a series of questions. And if I get the feeling you're lying to me, we're going to we're going to make you wish you didn't do that. OK. Can on nods again. OK, general. Now. Where's where's your little group coming from? Why are you in during hollow? Can on will respond. We are just passing through or we were just passing through. We got work to do. And it doesn't involve during all. So they didn't send you here.

He kind of looks questioning. They. Who's who's they? He's nice to come on, says still upside down. I want you to think about how this looks to us because we've never seen you folks before. And you come waltzing into our camp and. I got to think you were sent by the town. Someone maybe hired some mercenaries to come in because they got wind of us. And timing's just really coincidental, don't you think? Can on with trying to show as less emotion as possible, still hanging upside down. I envision him swinging to just like continuously moving. Yeah. Just a little like there's a little bit of a wiggle.

Yeah. And he's very annoyed by it, but he can't do anything about it. So he'll continue. We are not mercenaries. We weren't hired by anyone. We're literally just passing through. And then we witnessed the young boy murder somebody in the street in cold blood. And we got involved when clearly we shouldn't have. Well, as the first time you and I are going to agree on something. And he's gonna he's gonna take another cup of water and and just kind of like try to hit the the rest of you guys in the face, just kind of wake the rest of you guys up here. So, again, coughing, sputtering.

I mean, not really. Not really ruins, but like, you know. That's good thing about not having a nose up there. That's I think honestly, it's like because he also doesn't have any eyelids or anything. So were you muted? Something wrong? Yes, I was. Okay. Don't do that again. I'm sorry. Did it suck at first? I'm sorry. I'll leave it on muted from now on. It sounded like a jet engine just for a moment. Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Anyway, I will repeat my question. I forgot my question. Mm hmm. I'm dying. No, I was going to say he has no eyelids. So he has these little pupils.

And like the only way you can kind of tell he's awake is like his head starts moving like that's the only giveaway because he doesn't really need to breathe. He doesn't. Well, he does like it works different. So, yeah, so it's kind of like, like you could tell when someone's giving you that thousand yard stare like they're not focused even if their eyes are just wide open so like, you can kind of tell that ruins is unconscious. If for nothing else, their heads like, like fucking wall back, you know what I mean? Like they're, you know, but yeah, so after after everyone is is is visibly conscious, let's say, can I get a perception with disadvantage from everyone?

Not for me. You know what? Do it again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're coming to. Whoo. Wow. Oh my. Okay. Better than a one. These are bad. My dice was cocked. I didn't know it was a one for the longest time. Disadvantage free. Oh, sorry. I'll roll the second one. We'll just take the lowest. Yeah. Oh, that'll do it. Okay. Single digits all around. So you're going to notice a few things around here. You know what? Let me give you a map. So here's your here's your lineup. So you're you're all kind of hanging upside down right next to each other. So, you know, K'naan, Petrichor, runes, T'Mika, Tary at the end.

And you got you get the guy kind of sitting right in front of right in front of K'naan and over across the way, probably about 20, 25 feet is dog in inside this this wooden crate. They probably used it for, you know, holding live rats or something like that because they got to eat something down here. And then there's just this big fuck off hole that leads to God knows what. But the rest of the place is like what you're seeing, the fire illuminate looks a little barren, like off in the distance, you might be able to see a little like like a couple of bed rolls and stuff like that.

But they've purposefully put you in a spot where they can get things messy, maybe and not ruin their stuff. Oh, shit. Yeah, you kind of you're kind of getting the vibe. It's like, oh, oh, man, these floors wash right off, don't they? So like you're you're kind of like they can put us next to the hole. So. Clarification question, are we all upside down or just Alex? OK, I knew we were all tied up and he's the only one who didn't have his hands tied. I was just checking. All of you are upside down and your hands are bound, so you're hanging upside down like your hands are above your head.

Yeah. And obviously your weapons and things like that have been taken away. Your packs are on the other side of the room. You're you know, you're you're a accoutrement. Hector is going to Hector's his first name and he wants to get close to you guys. So Hector is is is going to tell K'naan, I wanted your friends awake for this next part because. We don't have a ton of time to get the information out of you that I want, so. Am I wrong in assuming that you're the leader of this this little crew? K'naan will shake his head. No, you're not wrong. OK. Have you had people under your command before?

He remembers very quickly as he closes eyes for a second, his friends dying. And he opens them again. Yes. He's going to lean in real close, just kind of like tip the chair forward so that the intention is for only K'naan to hear. I've lost people under my command, too. And I know. How much that hurts. Now. I don't want to do anything today to make you hurt more. But if you lie to me. I will execute each and every one of your friends here. And then I'll kill the dog in front of you. Do we understand each other? K'naan looks back at dog. If you can't, he'll turn his head and then he'll turn back.

That's fine. Hold on one second, please. Somebody's knocking on my door. I'm sure. Don't they know you're busy getting tortured? Yeah. So far, emotionally more so than physically, but still torture. There's a chance. OK, sorry. No, you're fine. Everything OK? Yeah, everything's fine. I am hanging upside down. He told me, if you don't answer my questions, I'm going to kill your friends, your team members and then the dog. So K'naan looks at dog back and then back to whoever's next and which is petrichor. And then he can see the others next to the down the line.

He'll look back to General Abrams. And say. I don't have anything to lie about. What do you want to know? So. Let's say during hollow didn't send you and let's say this whole thing is just a coincidence. Does anybody. In that town know where we are right now? Can I shake his head? No. Nobody knows where this is. We didn't really talk to anybody much. He's going to kind of reach around back and hold up that white raven's belt buckle thing. It's very Arizona. It's very like, oh, yeah, very bolo tie. What's this about? He looks at it then back to the general. We're part of a group that's doing missions to establish peace and restore order in some places.

We're headed over to. I forget the name of the town. Why am I forgetting? Donhurst. Donhurst. Thank you. It's the concussion. But yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We are headed to Donhurst. To. Fix the situation there. During hollows, just the pit stop to get some rest. And talk about our plan before moving on. And you're coming from Overwatch, I'm guessing. He I don't think he visibly recoils from the name, but like, you know, right away, you know, he hears a guy say it. And it's like all his all the things that he had seen and the thought is confirmed 100 percent. And just not.

Yes. He's going to toss the. The belt buckle here to the side, just. And he's going to pull out this this knife. It's about probably six, seven inches long, and he's kind of using it right now as like a like a pointer. He's going to he's going to level it at Kenan's face. That was good. That's smart. You didn't react. Honestly, I thought I can get a rise out of you a little easier, but. That's a good leadership quality, just keeping a cool head. Cannot just not so. So we got ourselves a problem. Because. According to you. You're just kind of in the wrong place at the wrong time, and.

Normally. I'd be inclined to let you go. But. There's no way you're not going to tell him where we are or somebody. So I've got a decision to make. Now. In a way, I feel for you. Because. I'm guessing you signed up to make a difference. You believe in the cause you. You're out here putting your life on the line. That right? Can I not. Yeah, you're not far off. When I'll see. We and he's going to kind of like motion to the rest of the room and you're going to see figures like leveling weaponry at you and stuff like that, mostly crossbows, but they're there. They're in the back.

Now, see, we did the same thing. And just like your little organization. After the war was over. We were obsolete. Didn't really have much use for you anymore. Now. Us. I get. We weren't going to stay in the city and. There was nowhere for us to really go, but. It's got to sting a little bit more for you coming out of the winning side, so. Let's say you get to Donhurst. And what? Can on doesn't break eye contact with Abrams just keeps looking at him as he's talking and then waits a nice second or two after to give him the. The appearance of respect. And states.

When we reach Donhurst. We do what we need to do to finish our mission. And we go back to Overwatch. And he looks at him and saying this and tell them the job's done. Until they give us another one. I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to let the lot of you go. Because. I think enough people have died tonight. But. I'm going to buy us enough time. So that we can relocate. That sound fair. Can I not send just says. For what it's worth nobody's looking for you. Nobody. Marks you guys. As a threat. I'd say you have time. I don't plan on making any reports about.

And this is where he'll start to life you want me to do deception check but he'll start to lie. I don't want any reports. Drawn up about how I failed. So you don't have to worry about anyone coming after you. From my end. I just want to make sure that they're safe. Give me deception. Also, I'd also like to point out, people probably wouldn't come after you so often if you didn't murder people in the street. I know that rooms doesn't have a mouth so I can't really say that but like, he's thinking it real hard. Whoo. So 19 so 22 total. Apparently, I have a plus three.

It was. What a good liar. All right. I mean, love it. That's really good. Yeah, I mean, I model him after leaders I've seen in real life. Also, I lie in real life werewolf. Hello, I'm the number one werewolf. Jason. I'm pretty good at werewolf, but it's only because I asked dumb questions throughout my entire turn and then I tell people that and I lose my strategy. How about the rest of you, and he's gonna kind of level the knife at each one of you. That sound fair to you. I'm going to go down the list. Yeah, that's petrichors. His only responses right now are going to be kind of like a hangover grunt, like, mmm.

And all you're going to see upside down his hands are gonna be like this you're going to see him go. With a thumbs up, but it's going to be pointed. Yes, but his hands are upside down so it's going to be a thumbs down but it's a he's trying to say sure man. All right. Well, we're going to toss you into this hole in just a minute. And I'm going to level with you. I know it empties out somewhere, but it'll be damned if I ever explored it, and we've just been dumping all our trash down there, so something's been taking it away. So the students will start kind of struggling a little bit, but he's motioning with his weird little face speak to dog because he doesn't want dog to go down the hole.

That's actually I shouldn't have said that last part, he's motioning to dog. It's how you interpret that. Yeah, it's more like he's worried about the dog like, I mean, I think anyone could tell that, like the struggle combined with the. Because he does literally have a point on his face because I gave him a little beak. So like he can. I, I. Yeah, they know dogs sitting there so I don't think it's like, yeah. It's not like a threatening move, but he is right now. I don't think it we I mean you're struggling under bindings like I don't think it's going to be taken as threatening.

Yeah, we we didn't want to hurt the dog, but you need to train this little guy because it attacks some of my men. And I don't remember hearing you give it in order to attack unless you're doing some kind of code or whatever, but you might want to check it into obedience school, get it some training, whatever. Petrichor, I'm sorry, everybody. Petrichor is going to mumble. Good dog. Well, let's do perception. But it's a very quiet mumble. Can he roll sneak? Like stealth? It's the kind of good dog. Yeah, what did you say? I said, that's my dog. I'm gonna say, if it gets a 16 or higher. 16 or higher I think would do it so he's got a plus two.

So let's see what we got. Petrichor is about to get punched in the face. That's a crit. Honestly, I feel like he would think it's worth it anyway. Dog and petrichor going in the hole first. That's for damn sure. So that's yeah, that is an unfortunate crit. We call those. So. God Abrams is going to turn back to Kanan. Now see, this is why I wanted to talk to you first. Because we got our differences. We're, uh, we picked really different sides. But deep down, there's a level of respect here that I'm not going to get from that thing over there. So here's what I'm going to do.

We're going to wheel you over and they're going to start. They're going to start pulling you guys over. You're on a little pulley system. That bar is rigged up. So that you are being pulled directly over that hole. And we're going to go ahead and dump you down there. Then we're going to throw that dog in cage and all. So you could sort all that out when you get to the bottom. It ain't too far down 35, 40 feet, something like that. Just enough for 3d6 damage. I'm sorry, Jason. But dogs actually kind of safer in the crate if we land on something hard. If we land on water, then dogs fucked if it's water.

Hetre-Kor has something to do. That's all. Well, we'll get to that in a moment. You and I are going to see each other down the road. I'm guessing because. I think you've got a cool enough head on your shoulders that whatever's down there ain't going to slow you down too long. But should give us plenty of time. And I want you to do some thinking while you're stuck in this mess. I want you to really think about what you're fighting for. And what you're going to win at the end of the day. And he's like, while he's talking to you, he's eyeballing. It's like Plant Man, the wolf girl and fucking that that that bony owl thing.

Like, really, just just like it's there's a lot being said without saying it. You know what I mean? And he's going to motion. Toward toward the people who kind of like pulled you over there and they're going to start cutting these ropes one by one. And Terry, who's barely conscious, by the way, like Terry's like I would say Terry's. Finally starting to get his wits about him just in time to like kind of like pull up a little bit and look and see it's like, oh, man. And just just drop into the hole. Then Tamika, then runes, petrichor. And so. Canons the last person to go in.

And we got good news, bad news here, right? We're going to do something that we've never done before, because you're in a situation where obviously we don't want you guys to die because of some dumb shit like this, even though in real life you being dropped on your skulls from 40 feet up ain't great. Right. So what we're going to do is the most you can be is knocked out. However, should you get knocked out, you're going to walk away with a long term injury. And then we roll on a table to see what the long term injury is going to be. And then we make Jasper put it in the book.

Highlight the one that he gets. That's true. You're not going to get anything manifesting us all staying conscious through this. Thanks. That's just how that works. Jason, is this like one one of those situations where being a Thetan might like help me out a little bit, considering I'm covered in skull? Like I have outside skull and then inside skull. It's not really so like you have bony protrusions. You don't have an exoskeleton. Right. So like your skull is still a skull. Like it's just like, you know what I mean? Because that would mean your AC would be through the roof.

Someone would have to hit you with a baseball bat over. You'd be like a Cadbury egg, though, like in the middle. It's just just a gooey center. So maybe like the face bones are kind of crab shells or something. We're like, right. Exactly. Like you're in like shoulders, forearm, stuff like that. Like it's different for everything. But those are it's like flourishes more than, you know. Cool. So what we're going to do, by the way, can I get you know what? No, let's do this. Let's do it flat. Everyone's going to come back. Here with one third of your total health.

Oh, shit. OK. OK, six, if we round up five, you round that five for me. Now, there is there is some liquid down here, but we need to see how deep that is. And like, is this is this just kind of like puddles and stuff like that, like cave moisture, things like that? Is this like knee deep? Is that, you know, basically are any of you in trouble being tied up? And, you know, so that would soften the blow. But then you'd have a new problem in that you're tied up and in water. So here's what I need. I need a volunteer for a die roll to see how deep this water is going to be.

You don't come on. You don't want me doing it, guys. I'll do it. I get Susan volunteers. All right. OK, so, Susan, I need a D4. So a one would be really deep water. A four would be like, it's just a couple of puddles here and there and it's mostly solid ground. OK, so we're aiming for like a three or two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's like, oh, that'll soften the blow without it, you know, without killing dog. Yes. Josie's my good luck charm. Here we go. All right. All right. OK, so this is like this is like maybe like, I don't know, two, three feet of water, like nothing too bad.

So for to me, it would be like waist high or so like it would be, you know, it would be kind of like wading through it, but definitely not drowning level. Like dog might have a bit of a tough time, but like we'll deal with that in a moment. Right. So a fall from this height, like Alex said, would normally be 3D6. I'm just going to do 2D6 for each one of you because we're shaving. We're softening that up a little bit. Yeah, there you go. So first to hit is Terry. Let's so, Terry, let me see, four hit points is what Terry's rocking. Terry. Yeah, so here we go. 2D6.

Oh, no. He landed right on his broken arm at the same time. 12 total 12. Max roll for both of those. Jesus. So, OK, so, yeah, that's maximum damage. Thank God, because that would have killed him. But we're not I already said we're not doing that. So he is going to land headfirst in this water. And I'm going to roll a flat D20 to see what happens to to to Terrence. Poor, poor Terrence. Oh, no. God, that's that on the table. I might be on the table that are they all just scattered. So the higher the table, the higher the table rolled, the more I don't want to say superfluous the damages, but the less hindering it would be to get around.

I see. I see. OK, so what's going to happen is he is going to hit face first, just right through the water and onto this jagged piece of rock. And it's going to go right through his left eye. So he's going to lose that eye. And it's actually going to crush his orbital bone right on the side here. So he is going to hit and just instantly be out and you're going to see blood in the water like surrounding him like bits and you know. Yeah. So it's not great. That would bring up Tamika. Having seen that, can I do some sort of Dex thing to like avoid that pointy thing at least?

Oh, shit. God. OK, so let's see if that even like, OK, to D6 and who should have watched our six. That's half the damage. Yeah, but I have five. One more. Damn it. OK, so that means you are going to have some sort of some sort of injury. Can I get a D20, please? Fourteen. OK, so to make is going to fall and just kind of plunge through the water here and just slam right on the back of her neck. And she's going to get these intermittent stingers of like pain when she does something physical. It's not all the time, but it's going to be like like the like it's going to feel like electricity, like shocking, like just like it's that kind of.

Yeah. And of course, you will be unconscious. Runes. Hi. Here we go. OK, let's let's start doing this. How many hit points do you have? Let's see what we need to cross our fingers for here. Seven. OK, that's the most. I have seven. Yeah. Fantastic. So as long as we don't roll. Are we going to drown? No. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. This is just what? Oh, man. What was it? Here's the thing. Now it's untied. So Tobin's untied. So you might be OK. Tobin is not here. Tobin died a long time ago. Tobin died. Oh, my God. I think I've done that twice now. It's because you sent me Tobin's information through Gmail.

I've been looking at it all day, like, oh, I got to get to that. And he's out there somewhere. Well, I need a D20 roll. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Something happens to his mouth. I don't have one. 15. 15. You're going to injure your right arm. Ah, damn it. Now, here's the thing. I need you to roll a D4. A one, it's broken, just flat out broken. A two, it's dislocated. A three, you have like a hairline fracture. And a four, it's just going to be really fucking sore. Gotcha. Four, four, four, four. Yeah, you got a really sore arm. It's going to act up here and there.

But yeah, it's not definitely not the worst. It's a Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My arms hurt, not broken from college. Exactly right. Yeah. It's like, oh, I got a sexy cut. Like it's just, you know. Punch a vampire in the face. It's great. Petrichor, here we go. What's your health at? What do we what do we got to aim for? What is it? A third, you said of a third. It's five point six. Am I rolling? Am I rounding up or down? Down, probably. Five, five points. I have five also. Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. All right. Two D six. Come on. We're due for four. All right. Technically, I'm supposed to roll it, but that's OK.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. Oh, I wish I just had. I was hovering over. Go for it. Fine. No, but we can't make that higher. We needed a win. I feel like shit then. Like, you know, you know, like two D sixes were rolled. It's that's true. And you know what? I wouldn't call it a win. It's just a oh, you didn't die again. Yeah, you didn't die. That's right. All right. So he's going to be splashing in and and you're one hit point. All these floating bodies around. Yeah. God dang it. OK. Here's OK. We got we got Kenan Kenan. Five. I'm going to five HP. I'm going to roll this because I have it up.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Nine. Maybe everyone else should have been doing the rolling shit. You were all right. Would have killed me outright, by the way. But that's not a thing. So I just need a flat 20 from you. I know it's technically Alex's turn and I should not be making arguments. But Alex is the only character who had his hands untied, which could help break the fall. His arms. Like maybe. No, I feel like maybe he should get some sort of like advantage or something because of that. But you don't have to say yes. I was just pointing out. Here's here's here's what I'll do for you, Alex.

I'll let you put both of your arms up, but there's a 50/50 chance you could break both your arms. Hey, you know what? I've played a character who had a broken leg. It was pretty terrible for two sessions. What happens if I use my arms? What do I get? I'll I'll let you take off to D6 damage. That's you can't do magic with two broken arms. Yeah, I can. I can. I'll get a voice like this. Some spells only need my voice. I hate to say this. We're probably going to be hanging out in town for a while after this. And I guess we got to think about this. What would K'Nan do?

You're falling into this hole. I would use my hands 100 percent. Yeah. Right. OK. So I'm rolling a D20 then still. Well, like. So here's what we'll do first. Let's see if you're conscious. So let's roll to D6 and we'll take that up. What we do 90 damage. Yeah, nine. Here we go. So we'll just take this off to D6. Oh my God. Three. So it's only six, which is one more than I have, which is unconscious. That's the lowest I've rolled all night. I want to I want to serve. Why they always do just feel so built against. Why didn't you roll it before he had a chance? I don't know, because I'm a stickler for systems.

You know, I'm a stickler for order and organization, even though I preach chaos. Yeah, I preach chaos all the time. It's all farce. Can I can I say this the first time I've cooled off and I think it's I think it's just the blood lust. I think that's what it is like. You're living in the heat. Yeah. Oh, no. So here's what we're going to do to give you a fighting chance. OK, here's what we're going to do. It's going to be great. I want you to roll a D6 for each one of your arms on a four through six. It's not broken. OK. On a one through three, it snaps like a twig.

Left arm first. Left are baby. Oh, OK. That's a broken arm. We got one broken arm. Yeah. That's real good. Oh, yeah. OK. My dominant right arm's a load bearing arm. Here comes. Oh, my God. All right. Yeah, both hands. That was a four right? Everyone saw the four. I saw the four, yeah. And it hit the side of the screen because of one. This is not cool. Oh, no. All right. OK. I'm not going to punish you further. I'm sorry for breaking both of your arms, Alex. Was that right? I'm sorry for breaking both of your arms. No, no, no, no. I appreciate the assist. I mean, hey, I made sense.

It all made sense. And you know what? This is Theria. And what's Theria without a little pain and suffering before a modicum of pieces? There's always one group that gets the shit meat out of them all the time. And I was there for Group B. I'm here for this group. Gray also, we lost our bow for a while. So like, I'm ready. I'm ready for this. I think this has the makings of a good comeback story. Now, technically, I'm supposed to have you roll a d20, but I'm not going to do that because you got enough going on. I got my noodle. Yeah, we beat our asses. How about dog?

How about dog? No, come on. Don't do this to dog. OK, here's the thing. I can do the same thing I've done for dog and shave off three because it's kind of in a cage. Or I can have petrichor break dog's fall and I'll shave off a whole die. Petrichor has one hit point and would probably... Would you shave off a whole die and also minus three? Sure. I sweetened the pot for you, Jasper, but I also broke both of Alex's arms. Hey, good intentions, though. You know what? The spirit and the intentions were there. I just like it when mechanics make sense. I just like it when I can go, because of this, this.

Yeah, I hear you. So to put it out there, dog has a total of five hit points. Now, two things. After we have a chance to recoup, we're going to institute our first policy of our companion leveling system. Oh, and you guys will get the chance to choose a new benefit for your bond with dog. That could be a slight increase in one of their attributes. It could be a little hit point bump. It could be a situational role bonus. It could be an aura that the dog gives off to. Like there's all kinds of cool stuff. So a third of dog's health rounded up would be two.

So shaving off a die and a negative three to whatever's rolled might not be the worst thing, but that will knock you out. It'll certainly knock me out. Here's here's my thinking. Okay. Unconscious here in terms of just what's happening. It's just unconscious. We're going to wake up at some point. We can drown. Can we? I guess we can. We could drown an inch of water unconscious. Well, yeah. What was that? In the real world. It's three inches, but three feet. There's also a chance he did say it gets emptied out. He says it gets emptied out. So if it's some sort of river that becomes more shallow, we might have a chance.

Once again, like with Alex, what would petrichor do? Because petrichor is awake right now and he has a choice to make. So you're going to. Okay. So petrichor is let's say like you're you're wriggling around in the water. And again, three feet, three feet is significant, especially if you're unconscious. What was the sequel to Unbreakable that was terrible? What was the where Bruce Willis drowns in two inches of water? Oh, was it which one? I don't know. I had the therapy one. The therapy one. They brought everyone back to disappoint everyone equally. They like.

Glass, glass, glass, glass. OK, so. So three feet. Totally. You could drown in three feet of water, but. It. Yeah, this is a big old box there, right? This is about to fall off the side, not. Can I see dog or is it just like a flat bottom and like I just like a box is about to drop off. So this thing is just basically thick branches together. Right. It's not metallic. Yeah. So you're going to see them kind of push this over and you're going to see dog kind of like against the side of it. And you're going to see it tip and then almost kind of hang there suspended for a second.

And you're going to realize what's happening. And I'm going to let you know. Yeah. So petrichor established from the very beginning would would basically do anything for this dog. So he's he's not going to put himself in the way to get hurt, but he's going to effectively body check it in order to break some of the fall. If that makes any sense. So it's not just a straight drop, like a bubble. Just just to see what can happen. So we're shaving off a D six because it's water. We're we're shaving off a D six for your noble sacrifice and we're shaving off negative three.

So I'm rolling a D six with a negative three. And as long as it isn't. As long as it's not a two or three. It's going to be OK. All right. I will say that this is going to do enough damage to finish knocking you out, considering you had one hit point left. But again, it's not like there's gators down here. You know, there's there's stuff going on. No gators, no gators. Here we go. One D six. OK. So it can't be a five or six. That's it. That's it. I want I want some fingers crossed here. Send out good mojo. Everybody in the chat out there, send out good mojo. If it rolls high, it's your fault.

Everybody out there. Wait, wait, let me let me establish something here. If it is a five or six, what happens? What would be what's the worst case scenario here? I mean, everyone's knocked out. Everybody knocked out. OK. Yeah. Like someone's on fire or something. Yeah. No. Yeah. It would be wow. They stuffed dog. Oh no. Full of gunpowder. Oh my gosh. Full of gunpowder. No, no, no, no. I'm joking. Nothing happened. Yeah. So here we go. Roll. Yeah. One ideal situation. OK. The first time. It was the most important role, though. We all have to agree on that. It was the most important role of the game.

Yeah. Not my one. I'm going to imagine that that little cage thing is burst open, right? You read my mind. So just like just like when Terry came in and just like shattered his fucking orbital bone here on on on that that jagged rock. It's going to land corner first. So it's like if you picture corner hits jagged rock. Petrichor's head. So boom, boom. Right. And it's just going to like it's going to knock Petrichor out, but it is going to break this cage. Now, the good news is dog still has a hit point. Dogs, dogs does to hit point. Sorry. So dog, while injured, is not as bad as you guys.

So here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a game. Dogs going to try and drag you out of the water. Oh. Now, here's the game we're going to play. You know how all of you have death saving throws? OK. Were those reset? Yes. OK. Because you were conscious again. So now you're. Yeah. So here's the game we're going to play. It's going to take dog a successful check to drag one of you to shore, but he's going to keep or she's going to keep trying. And every time she attempts, anyone who's still in the water has to roll a death saving throw. A failure is you drowning, like starting to drown.

Three is you've drowned. A success is you're OK. You're not holding your breath, but whatever. Yeah. Like three successes and we come to or something. We'll see. OK. That's not how death saving throws work technically, but we'll see. Oh, yeah, you're right. That stabilizes you. It does not revive you. Yeah, you're right. Sorry. So naturally. We're going to do this in order of importance to dog. Petrichor is going to be the first one right now. We're going to do this based on size. So. To make is the smallest and thus the easiest to drag to shore. So. I want to say it's to Mika.

Can on petrichor than rooms in terms of size like going up. Yes, sounds about right. All right. OK, so Petrichor is going to be the third heaviest. So dog needs an athletics check of 15. So dog. Oh, boy. OK, here we go. Just a regular old roll. There we are. To. You know what? Her first attempt. That makes a lot of sense because it's like she's hurt. Just fell down a fucking hole. She's like she's never saved people from water before. Yeah. Also, whenever one of our care. She's aren't tall either. So like dogs got to like do this. But thankfully, she's are fat and buoyant.

Like they're they're they're kind of so it's like they're wearing a life jacket. So, yeah. So dogs going to be OK. You guys may drown, but dog will live. Fantastic. Yeah. Can I get a death saving throw from everyone, please? I think I have to do something to my character to make that work because you're not currently have. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There we go. Because we have a change to zero. Gotcha. Oh, yes. Yes. Can on success to make a success. All right. Oh, hell. There's our first fit. We got to get you more familiar with the table because every time we have a session, you have these panic moments like like you're very panicky.

I want to get you more familiar with this. Yeah. It's a bitch to edit. I'm sorry. With that gun in the room and you're very like, oh, God. Yeah. It's also I try to keep the character sheet open. And if I accidentally close it and don't realize I've accidentally closed it, it throws me off. Yeah. So Terry's like a medium, by the way. So like everyone forgets about Terry, but Terry somewhere in between, like Canon and petrichor, probably. But he is wearing scale males, so that probably makes him the heaviest out of the group. So let's roll for Terry one. Here we go.

Oh, no. One. That's two fail. You fail. Oh, shit. He's got that on our watch. Oh, God. OK. Dog's going to give it another shot with petrichor. Now, the good news is Dog only needs one success to to pull someone out of the water. There's no. Yeah. So here we go. Athletics check again. Normal roll. 19 19. She's like, I feel like the first one's like, oh, shit. OK, hold on. And just pulls. Yeah. Just like doggy paddles. Just like little she but is just moving backwards out of the water, just dragging petrichor up on on shore here. And then maybe she stomps on petrichor chest and then like goes back into the water just like quick.

OK, spit out that water. We're going. So you know what? Let's do this because we're not going to it's whoever dog gets to first. So everybody do me a favor. Give me a flight. The 20 and we'll see who gets the highest because that's the next one. Dog's going to go after. I kind of hope Terry wins this, but we'll see. I very much. Oh, come on. Oh, Terry just rolled a crit one. So, OK, so right now, Kenan's the winner. So one, two, three, six, I robot. So the good news is, is whenever dog gets a success, I'm not going to have anybody roll the death saving throws because it's going to be like a quick like get in and get out because that's really stack in the deck.

I feel so let's keep this as fair and exciting as possible. Yeah. So another athletics check from Doug. I'm going to say it's 14 for Kenan. Well, I'm still hefty. Yeah. Oh, it's a small. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like I like I mean, I picture petrichor's only got a few inches on you. Hey, none of your business. None of your business. Everyone's seen the avocado penis on online, right? They've seen it. Here comes trouble. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't date this episode. I'm talking about the same guac and ball. Stop saying balls. Here we go. Looking for a 14.

Well, buddy, give me a death saving throw, except for petrichor. Oh, that's a fail for Tamika. That is a. Oh, my God. So, OK, this is a crit. This is this. How's petrichor doing? I'm conscious. That's the this is dogs moment. So I know. Just don't want it to be. Terry. Terry, please roll a success. Please roll a success, Terry. Yes. Oh, that's the success. Oh, he's awake. He's awake. He's awake. Yeah. With the full hit dice. I think that's the one that's that's our rules. He gets a full hit die. So. So he's in tremendous pain, but just going to sit up to just so his hands are still bound and he's in three feet of water, but he's awake.

So he'll be able to like kind of like sit up and prop himself up against a rock. And what he's going to do is he's going to try to like gently kick at somebody and assist dog. So he's going to be able to give an extra D four to each roll just to kind of like just to help again. We're lucky he's not in shock. Crushed his horrible bone. He's blind in his left eye. Honestly, this is really good for Terry. Good job, Terry. Yeah. Good job, Terry. This poor, poor man. He's going to be the best paladin. He's going to have an eye patch. Yeah, he's going to be a great paladin.

He's going to be so fucking grizzled by the time. Eyepatches. If the paladin has an eyepatch, you know they've been through shit. Just don't tell him what you went through. By the time he gets to Esterhold, if anybody tells him he's not good enough to cut it, he'll kill them. Probably. What I can cut. Okay. Jesus. So that's that's one fail for Tamika. Two fails for K'naan and two fails for runes. Athletic check. Here we go. Wait, should you roll the D four first? No. Let's be let's be let's be stop trying to run the session. You sit there. Yeah. That is an 18. So, K'naan's going to get back to the shore again, little little stomp on the chest and then jump back in.

And can I get a D20 roll from from Susan and Bree? Death saving throw? No, no, just a small spread. No, no, no, no, no. Okay. Oh, just who? We got it. Yeah. Oh, no. I wonder who it is. I have kind of a head cannon, which is because of all of his weird protruding bones and stuff. Like he sinks like a rock. Oh, he's at like no bottom of the three feet and Tamika's starting to float up. So of course, Dog sees her first. I like that. Like I picture it as like Dog runs up and you have so many jagged sharp bits. She's like, I, I, I, I'll come back. Like just really hard to find thumbs right now, but whatever.

Dog girl, I get. I totally understand this. So much bigger than you. It should be easy. That's true. It should be easy. So I'm thinking 13. 13 for. Yeah. Right. Okay, here we go. Normal. Whoa. Oh, yes. So just just. And finally shooting over to ruins here. Athletics check. I figure I figure like a four. Well, you're the heaviest. So we're back up. We're back up to 15. But yeah, there's some assistance in case this goes poorly, but you only have one failure left before you die. So this needs to go well. So here we go. Oh, oh, you're the best dog. This is the point. This is the reflection.

Okay. But like, we need a neighbor. We're going to live forever and never going to die. Her name is good dog. Capital G. Good. All up from here. That was it. That was insane. Literally hit rock bottom. The number of times we got the exact role we needed was uncanny towards the end. Like before that, all the worst roles, all the wrong ones. Right. So it was clutch is all. So, oh, God. Terry's going to start to like, crawl over and dogs going to like, kind of like assist kind of like tug and pull. And you're going to hear this like metal scraping against rocks and like the water and everything.

And he's like, he's going to get to the point where he can just like, scooch up on on this elevated rocky platform you guys are on and just like fall back, just like lay back. And I imagine, let's say all of you are coming to at this point because like dog comes over and just like boom, boom, just like make sure all that water's out of you. And you're all in very rough shape, let's say. But the good news is you are alive. And you're, you're just you're getting to the point now where you're, you're able to kind of assess your surroundings. As Terry is dragging himself up on shore here, you're going to watch a bunch of stuff fall into the hole.

And it's it's basically all your shit, like all your gear and everything like that, because it's it's like you could tell that was probably a last minute decision. Like, like the general was probably like advocating for it and everyone's like, fuck them. And like, because he had that little chat with K'Nan, like it's like, now give him a fighting chance. Like, you know, if they get out of it, they deserve it. So don't thank you. Don't sorry. And dogs gonna go up to each one of you and just kind of like, just like lick your face and just try to like get up, get up Oh God.

K'Nan can't stop dog because he tries and he's like, ah, he can't move his hands. He's just like, Oh, Oh my god, it's just like Luna and Elle right now. And then he looks, he looks down and he sees like, his arms are basically spaghetti, like he's just like, oh. So dog's going to begin to like gnaw at your at your restraints too. And let's say after a good five, six minutes, she gets through it enough that you can like one of you is free and everyone can start like, you know, untying the chain. Terry's in a bad, bad way here. Like as he is laying back, like it's just like, just you hear these like whimpers and stuff because like his, like the side of his face is just crushed.

And there's going to be at first because of the water, it's very, it's very pale blood, it's going to be coming out like a river but it's, it's, it's, it becomes like thick viscous blood after a bit. And, like, he's kind of like rolling it over onto the coal stone just to like get like he's completely just fucked like out of it. Who is who is unconscious and who is not at this point. I think everybody's conscious at this point. Okay, so a good five, six minutes have gone by. I think I'm media. I was just gonna say I think immediately to me because going to once she gets licked by dog like lift her head and then see stars, and then look over and see runes, and like body shimmy over there.

And then start knowing it ruins is buying. Does she have canines, does she does she has a long needed canines shifters do so. Yeah, this work goes twice as fast like just easy. And as soon as runes is undone he's going to untied petrichor next. And then he's going to point petrichor and point to Terry and he's going to go over to K'naan to help with his because like, clearly I think we're the two least hurt right now. So, well, Tamika, what was, what was your injury I'm sorry remind me, and neck injury so it's not visible. Okay, so we can't see it so what we see.

We see, poodly arms and eyeball. Yeah, I know that petrichor has broken arm too but that's kind of, you know, I have one. Do I? Didn't he? No, no, no, no. Terry had the broken arm earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you just went underdog. Yeah. Awesome. So we're both fine. Let's help the two that are hurt the most. Right. And I feel like. Did you get the injury? Better off. Yeah, my arm kinda hurts. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. I was gonna say, ignore that he's not even going to react to that because noodley. So, I feel like relatively better.

He'd feel more comfortable setting bones than he would doing anything with Terry's eye because they didn't don't have eyes. So, he doesn't even know what he's working with you know, he's got bones, I got bones I know what those are. So, he's going to try to work with to non. You have eyes it's just not like human, like it's not the same, it's like shape and colors. What a mess. Yeah. And then while they're doing that, after Tamika gets herself on tide, she'll go and grab the stuff floating in the water. Oh, good. Is anyone trained in medicine like this?

Yeah, I've got some I might be I'm not sure. I do have medicine and that's what as petrichor will see what ruins sort of pointed towards and what the, huh. And then he'll shimmy over like what it's like, I don't even know what it would be like. Oh, he'd untied petrichor to. Oh, yeah, but shamble over like, try to get over there and try to assess whatever's going on Terry. Hey, buddy, we're all right. Yeah, okay. Yeah. All right, hang on. He's going to grab his pack floating wherever before Tamika grabs everything. He's going to grab whatever pack he has, find whatever salve I'm sure that a druid would carry around.

And he's, he's, he's proficient in in medicine. So he's going to try to just, I got you. I got you. You know what, this is going to hurt for just a little bit. I'm going to just go stop some of the well, some of your oozing, I'll be honest with you, but we'll take care of it. Here you go. And he's just going to like, you know, with whatever he can find from. What was that? Bree stop it. No, I didn't mute or unmute. That was me. I unmuted. I unmuted. Sorry. Sam Sam was she she just got off work. She was like trying to warm up. So I had to mute and I knew it was going to happen.

I'm sorry that it's that. So wait, it does that for free. I think it's then caster. I muted on muted during this call, though. It might be for a long way if you do it for too long. I have time. Because I was muted for like, I think since the minute that I started talking about muted for like 30 seconds here and there, and no one said, so I thought as long as you don't immediately start talking, I think it's okay. For me, I think it's I might be longevity or it might be the mics. Who knows? But either way, it's I'm glad it's just a temporary issue. I apologize.

I thought that was a very specific thing. I thought it was your mind. To be fair, we told you not to do it and you did it anyway. So still, I'm shaving points off. Oh, my God. Whoa, whoa, how? It's my fault. I did it. Not Bree. Oh, no, that one. Yes. But everybody gets it. Bree don't mute. Doesn't matter. And then everybody did it several times. So, yeah, no one said it a second time. So I refuse to accept that Bree is takes any negative points. I will take all negative points for my team. Oh, Alex takes extra negative points and gives them back to Bree. So fuck you.

All right. Petrichor is going to like rip whatever, you know. Yeah. Whatever. Some crushed up plant stuff to. Yeah. So Terry's laying there. I'm going to have you roll a medicine check for a second. But like it's getting to the point where it's like, oh, that's just total shock. Just like he's he's just laying there and like he's got the one I kind of like you could tell it's kind of swollen from like you guys have gotten your asses kicked, hung upside down, mildly interrogated. Really, they didn't do anything to you just but you hung upside down for a while, which has got to do something.

And then you were dropped into a hole, almost drown. And it's been a bad night and you haven't really had a long time to not even a short rest to like, you know, and Terry's just kind of like laying there. And like the one good I like there's there's like you could see like there's a tear or two coming out of it just because of the pain. It's like, how how bad is it? Hey, I'll tell you tell you one thing. You are going to be a star in your paladin class. I can tell you that because you're going to have some stories. You're going to be the badass paladin, probably more than just about everybody in there.

It ain't good, but we'll go make it better. All right. And he's just going to wrap things around and tie it all off and say, and he's going to he's going to try to keep him warm somehow. I know it's probably not going to be easy, but he's going to try to put put his legs up or something, whatever, whatever medicine thing he would be proficient in thinking about to keep him from going into shock or whatever it is. But he's going to keep keep him calm and say, listen, whatever's going on right now, we've all got some injuries. We've all been through a lot.

But our first order of business, rest up for a minute, find our way out. Can I get a medicine check from you, please? Sure can. Look that bedside manner. It's real good. So good. So calming. Oh, almost a 20. But that's a two. So like it's a seven. Like it's like, again, you're doing well. You can. Yeah, right. All I want to do is make sure his other eyeball doesn't fall out. That's honestly a win as far as I'm concerned. So here's the good news. All of you guys have leather backpacks, which are pretty good at repelling water for the most part. I would imagine you guys are ready for it to rain constantly.

So these are usually tied down pretty good. They're not waterproof, but they were only submerged like they're only dropped into the water. So one, they probably semi float at least. You're not carrying anything crazy, crazy heavy. So most of the things inside are going to be dry. So your bed rolls and stuff like that are probably soaked because they were on the outside. But your rations, your medicine kits, all that stuff that's in there is still in there dry and usable. So that's good news. So you're going to patch Terry up to the best of your ability.

I'm going to be honest, that's a pretty low roll. He's probably going to have a lot of pain and a nasty scar like. Like he's covering the scar. He's going to he's going to be covering this up, but you're going to see the outside of the scar and it's going to be like, whoa. Yeah, it looks bad if it looks bad on the outside. I don't want to see the inside of that, which is going to be a great he's going to be a great pallet. He's the best. So fun story, because the only exposure I've ever had to someone getting an orbital bone crushed. If you go back to wrestling, The Undertaker versus King Mabel back in God, I want to say 1995.

Mabel was a very let's call him a large man. He was also very clumsy and dangerous, like he wasn't very well trained. He didn't really care about anyone else. So at one point he goes for a knee drop and, you know, The Undertaker's laying down and he does it to his face, but he doesn't really pull his knee. So his knee goes right into The Undertaker's face and crushes the side of his face. And he has to wear a mask for a while because I remember he like, yeah, like basically the side of his face is concave, like it shattered it. So really fucked up. So I would imagine there's like a divot, like it's all broken.

There's tons of swelling. There's like it's bad. So, yeah. Okay, just to make us all comfortable, Tamika, I mean, her injury's okay, like as long as she doesn't move a certain way. So she fishes out the packs and then she sees the broken cage that's wood and she looks back to the group and it's like, we're probably not going to go anywhere anytime soon. So she grabs all the wood and then starts assembling a fire even, and I know it's all wet, but she casts press a digitization on it to instantly dry the wood. Before you light that wood on fire, though, runes is going to look through the wooden pieces and find the arm length ones.

Oh, oh yeah. I'm giving runes exactly how much knowledge I have because he's not trained. So it's like, hey, I'm aware that you're not supposed to move that. I'm awake, right? Yeah. I would say because I am trained in medicine as well. Do something about these! Yeah, I think Kanan would try and guide runes like, okay, put the wood under here, tie it around carefully around this portion, like just more precise instructions. The second he starts doing that, he would just follow step by step. So maybe Alex should be the one making the roll. Or I could just say, could I give runes advantage or something?

Because I'm trying to instruct them as they're trying to put stuff on me. Yeah. How about this? Runes roll with advantage, but with a negative two. Because there's something about, you know, I wouldn't, it's not an operation or anything like that, but it's not like you're doing it secondhand. So it's like, it's like tech support. Like it's like, okay, go to this. There's a degree of separation there. That work. Oh, yeah. 18 is great. So yeah, you're gonna, you're gonna, so he's gonna look like a little marionette, like you've got his, like you got his arms, you know, you know, as you guys are starting to get settled and you're going to hear a lot of movement up top, like you can tell they're moving things out.

And then the last thing you're going to hear from up top is kind of this, this, this low voice and it's obviously Hector. Good luck. And then you're going to see that light gets snuffed out and they're going deal there. They're gone. And the last thing I want you to do tonight is I want you to roll a travel die. I did it once before. Right. So I've done it once. I know Susan's done it once. And Jasper sadly has had every opening and closing forever. Is this a runes thing? I think this is a runes thing. I think it's a runes thing, baby. Oh no. Don't worry. You can't be any worse than what I've brought us into so far.

So. That's fair. Here's the thing. I'm a little bitch. So I'm going to roll a d4, I think. Is that cool? Go with the group? It is your call. And we need to recovery. Yeah, no risk. No risk. Yeah. Here's the problem with that. We have to take location into into it. So I need you to roll a d8 for me, please. God damn it. Okay, that's fair because we're not working on my terms. We're working on the terms of being in a dark hole. Dumped in to a to a filthy water filled cave. And you're all broken. The quickest but dumbest aside, who here watched Tiny Toons Adventures? I did.

Everybody. All I can think the entire episode was ravens go down the hole. You're probably the worst character from that cartoon. Awesome. That was a reoccurring character. They did that like 15 times. It was the child version of the Daffy Duck of the Daffy Duck character. Yeah, it was an actual child. So my memory isn't very strong when it comes to Tiny Toons Adventures. But I'm glad that that was a recurring thing. I thought it was when he was doing golf. Anyway, go. D8. Thank you. D8. Six. Is that good? That's good, right? That's over half. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You don't want low.

And yeah, you don't want low. So as that light gets snuffed out and Tamika's down here just working on this wood, getting it dry. And then that little ember is going to start. You're going to look beyond beyond your surroundings, because obviously next to you is this big pond. This like this like like a good waist high, three feet of water. And then it sort of becomes spotty, little little not even pools, like little tiny puddles. And then it becomes just a just a rocky cavern that wraps around to the right. And you're definitely going to hear light noises like nothing terrible.

But you know, there are things living down here, but not like, oh, God, there's spiders everywhere. But you're going to hear like, you know, obviously, like dripping of like moisture coming off of stalactites or, you know, something like that. And then everyone wants like something like that, something kind of skittery or, you know, and that could be cave lizards. It could be spiders. It could be whatever lizard. I want to cave dragon. But it's it's going to be a long night for you guys. And I think that's a good time for us to stop. And next time we pick things up.

I'm going to tell you the story of Noah. And what we're going to do is we're going to level all of you up by one. Because just living through that had to put some put some. And Terry, right? And Terry should get two. I think Terry should get two for his crit. I'm just saying you need to stop telling me. No bad ideas in a brainstorm. Just tell me. No, this isn't a brainstorm. This is not a cheer up, Chris. I'll get better. I promise. Find the wrong. I don't need help. Really brief games. I would be like, yeah, you're right. That's the thing. I was giving your character a thing.

But hey, what do you say? You know what? It was it made sense because I had I had to do some of these. I had to. Yeah, I'm falling down. I'm not going to just up head first. Right. I'm not going to fucking know the right. I'm saying the guy with minimal training, a crushed orbital bone, blinded in one eye and a broken arm probably didn't gain a lot of combat experience in that situation. Just survivability. It's only because you phrased it as if you lived through that, you get to level up. And then I immediately thought of Terry's fucking orbital bone. I was like, you should get to level up twice.

That was the thought process for Terry. That doesn't mean you have to do it. That's just and then I said the thing because I'm stupid. No, not stupid. Just loud and annoying. No, never. Let's go with that. No, no, no, no. No, she was right. Let's go with that. Let's go with that. Just just a little. May I speak to your manager this session? Just a little. I'll work on that. I think this coupon should be honored, even though it's expired. It's like a little of that energy. I watched a video where a guy got the Domino's pizza coupon from the Ninja Turtles VHS honored like five years ago.

You know what? That's a collector's item. Sure. He opened that motherfucker up and he's like, I wonder if this still works. And then the manager was like, she was old enough, I guess, to remember the promotion. She was like, I worked. She's like, I worked for the company back then and I remember these coming in. So I'll accept this. The manager of that particular Domino. Holy hell. Yeah. And I was like, he got lucky. Any other manager been like, what the fuck is this? Well, it depends on who owns the place, because some people are like encouraged that kind of thing.

They're like, no, give them sales. Do as much as you want. Like always honor. Like that's a true business person for sure. So what did you get, like a two dollar pizza or some shit? It was a personal personal pan. Personal pan pizza. One free personal pan pizza. Oh, my God. Does Domino's make personal pizzas? Not anymore. They must have been. Did they have like the stuff make it? Did they just make it out of the back? I think the game was small. They might have given up. I'll find the video. I'll find the video and I'll share it with us. Man, what a value. Because, yeah, jeez.

Right now, Alex, if you're in the chat when we stream this, make sure to post that in the chat and on Discord. Yes. Yeah, for sure. It's important. Well, thank you, everybody. My God. What a session. It's got me sweating. So I'm going to get out of Jasper's way and allow him to to do our little closing spiel here, which he's totally prepared for. I like seeing him realize that he had to do that. That was fun. I saw every stage of like up to acceptance. Coming up on the next episode of Dungeons and Randomness. If you hit this button, this little figure is going to appear.

Yep. What can I do for you? Yes. Direct me to the foremost authority on mind control magic. Why? We need to break a spell. We know it's a very powerful creature who got mind control and having having her mind controlled could have terrible consequences. It would be much better if that creature was not mind controlled. So this is a pet, something like that? No, no, something much, much more powerful. Is that a goat? I did. Roger is fine. Roger is not mind control. Roger just hoved into view. Cooper brings him up here. Thank you for listening to today's session. This is ridiculous because we can't catch a break, but the story continues.

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