The Lead

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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For as little as one dollar, there's modules that we keep bringing every month. We have Breeze DMing a game that I myself and Ryan H are on, which is super fun if you want to check that out. You can check out our Patreon page if you want to find a link for our Discord where you can find everybody in the community who's doing amazing, like everybody's doing amazing stuff throughout the community. And right now there's a bunch of people playing World of Warcraft together. It's really fun to see. And if you want to meet up other people, that's the perfect place to exchange and talk about Dungeons and Dragons and DNR.

And yeah, you can find us on any social media as usual. Mostly, well, there we go. For Patreon, by the way, the link is patreon.com/dandr. It's important to say. On and on every social are, are handles are most likely the ANDR or Dungeons and Randomness. I'm exhausted. So in our last episode, the Merry Band of Dragons, Dragonborn, made their way to Uminyero after riding the cart with Oliver and Serena and meeting up with yet another troubled cart situation where we fixed up their wagons and their wheels and Olmo got to pick a very eldritch cursed item as payment.

And we're all very happy to have Kha'z, or some sick awesome along for the ride. And maybe, well, maybe, just maybe, we'll find a way to free Aruthammar finally. (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) (soft music) - Oh, let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jace. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Xavier. - Hi, I'm Xavier and I play Zozo, the Dragonborn magician. - And Ryan H. - Hello everybody, my name's Ryan and I'll be playing Omo, the Dragonborn with a hammer. - And Mandy. - Hi guys, this is Mandy and I have a fun theory and maritime law fact for you.

Mayor may not have been vetted by Jace Massey. In 1221 AEC, the Brightport mayor implemented maritime code to CFR, code of fishing regulation 200, which regulated fishing in the base surrounding the city. This was, as you know, of course, brought about due to conflict between the gurgling grouper and the tinkling tuna factions. Both groups were absolutely adamant that their catch was the tastiest and made the best stew. This tiff between the two groups almost led to the extinction of the two tasty species. And I'm Clover, I play Clover High. - I'm really glad you educated us on the two tasty tuna tiff, I really do.

- It's very important. - And of course, the crisscross of DNR, Ryan G. That's because your microphone is backwards, just like most of the, like it's, like they wear their pants backwards. - You know what, Jace? - You will also make us jump. - You know what? - Uh-huh, uh-huh. (laughing) - Blur that, blur that. (laughing) For the audio listeners, I just flicked them off. I mean, you know what the visual is. But hey everyone, I'm Ryan, I play Criv and I have no fun facts for you, but yeah, I play Criv. - You are a fun fact. - I am. - It is true. - It is a fun fact.

- You're a walking fun fact. That makes it sound like that's not- - You're a fun little fact. (laughing) - Now it sounds insulting. I don't know how it became. It's supposed to be endearing. Guys, welcome to Uminero. It is a bustling little metropolis that you can get goods and services that you won't find anywhere else in the world of Theria. Obviously, everyone has coughed up any weapons or any, you know, potions, ammunition, anything that could do any damage into these locked chests up front, which are sort of cosmically linked to you. No one's gonna be able to steal your stuff and you obviously can't take it into the city.

That being said, once you step on this little teleport pad, it is going to zip you up within just a moment. It's gonna be bright flash and then boom, you're in this sort of almost like a dome-ish structure. It's not massive. It almost looks like a small library/waiting room, but completely circular. And it all sort of ends at this little desk, like a little standing podium type thing. And normally there's someone here to welcome you to the city and to give you directions and all that good stuff. But currently no one's there. It's a bit odd. Honestly, this opening little welcoming space looks a little deserted.

And what you'll see beyond that is the city proper. And this place is massive. It's a crisscrossing maze of levels. There's all kinds of like hustle and bustle, people running back and forth. There's people in different colored robes dictating what school of magic they're studying and what teacher they're, basically what grade they're in. With these black, red and purple robes being like the upper echelon, like the highest of high muckety mucks. Then it's just how decorative their sashes are and stuff like that. When you get to like popish levels of ridiculousness, then it's like, okay, well, you're obviously much more important.

You have a silly hat. So you can see at a glance, what would you guys like to do? So there's just no one at the reception desk, basically. No, there's no one there, but you are going to see a couple people posted by this enclosure on the opposite side. So instead of there being someone to welcome you, there are what look like, I guess they kind of look like guards, but they're not carrying any weaponry. But they're wearing their own garb that is kind of like this loose fitting, almost like a tattered tabard type thing over top of these wrappings. So you're gonna spot them kind of all over, but what's peculiar about them is they're also wearing these, it's almost like a metal exoskeleton type of thing.

These guys don't have faces that are visible. The outside of their body's kind of coated in not armor, but like plating. So they look bulky from certain angles, but you could definitely see underneath, it's just cloth wrapping and stuff. So it's a really odd and kind of not super welcoming look. - I like these are not Warforged or SIE. We would have seen some over the years, right? We would know. - Definitely, yeah. This is new, I would say, yeah. - Is there any bell at the reception counter that we can just tap? - Yes, absolutely, yeah. - Oh, okay, so it just strolls on up to that little bell and is just like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, as a service.

- So on the counter, there's this flat blue, it almost looks like a Frisbee, but the surface of it is this polished gemstone. And after you kind of ring the bell, the gemstone is going to kind of light up this orange hue and this little figure is gonna appear. It's like the bust of someone here. It looks like maybe a little gnome. Like it's tough to tell because it's kind of like blown up. But you're not quite sure if it's a recording or like a live feed of somebody who just isn't here right now, but maybe is like a central processing figure. And you know what, let me try something here.

Hold on a second. So yeah, let me mess with stuff here and see if this works. So if you hit this button, this little figure is going to appear. - Yep, what can I do for you? - Amazing. - What is this? - He kind of runs his hand through the hologram. - It's just kind of like, please, sir, please don't do that. It's very expensive. Like, do you need assistance? You need me to help you. - Yes, direct me to the foremost authority on mind control magic. - Why? - We need to break a spell. - Oh, undo. What do you got? You got a curse? Do you have any information written down?

I could point you in the right direction if you give me some more info. - Now, I remember that Zozo rolled really poorly in the second episode, I think, or third. So I don't even know what Xavier knows that Zozo doesn't. Do I even know that Erutha Mars being, like was mind controlled by the Black Hand or not even? - Well, as Xavier you do, you help do it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Years ago, that was you. - Like the premise of our pact bound group, we kind of know what's up, but I don't know to what extent. So I don't know if Zozo knows nothing or not.

- Well, here's the problem. The Red Dragonborn are pretty clued in, but obviously Zozo wasn't on speaking terms with 95% of the Red Dragonborn. So you had, here's the thing though. You did have a chance to speak to Serena about it. And I don't know if you guys would have talked more about it on the road. If so, I'd let you re-roll. - Okay, okay, okay. I'll take that. What would that be? Just like a history or maybe? - So give me Arcana. - Arcana, perfect. Minus one, here we go. - You got this, baby. Nah, nevermind. You don't do it. (laughing) Somehow by speaking to someone else about it, you've lost knowledge.

Like you said. So you know it's mind control, but that's as far as you've like narrowed it down. - So he'll think about it for half a second and kind of like his eyes kind of grow wide a bit, kind of and he looks, he side eyes towards the three of you to go like, "Ah, do we?" - Go ahead, fearless leader. What was it? Oh no. - Nobody knows. All we know it's a very powerful creature who got mind control. And having her mind controlled could have terrible consequences as it would be much better if that creature was not mind controlled. - So this is a pet, something like that.

- No, no, something much, much more powerful. - Is that a goat? - No. - And then. - Roger's fine. Roger's not mind controlled. (laughing) - I like that thing like Roger just like hoved into view. Just... - Culver brings him up here. Roger eats the glass. - Okay, go downstairs, two flights, look for the purple wing. You got mind control necromancy, basically anything that curses and there's a slew of people that can help you. Make sure and sign any products out because well, none of that's supposed to leave the city and try not to learn how to do any of that stuff.

All right. - Okay, no worries. Mind control's for the weak. - Is this on? Are you gone? Damn it. (laughing) All right, purple, purple it is. - So if you step out into the city proper, it's this huge enclosed courtyard. It's kind of a weird sight 'cause most of the time you go to a city and there's like a town square type of thing or you kind of see how the city flows. This almost looks like a giant mansion because it's totally covered. It's enclosed. It's like one giant building that just goes vertical and like that's to protect it from any weather or any stuff like that.

And it's just a weird feeling because they don't have a day or night cycle in here. It's all just kind of lit up through like magic lighting and stuff. So everything has this weird Vegas-y feel a little bit in that you walk in, it's like, what time is it? Like you don't, like it kind of takes away your bearings. So when you walk in, there's staircases leading in every direction. Like they have those little, you are here mall poster things everywhere so that you can find your way because this place has just been decades of building on top of itself. And you're gonna see those guards posted at every staircase, every entrance way, everything everywhere.

- While everybody's kind of like trying to find the path of where to go, Elmo has a certain book in his hand and he keeps trying to read it while walking and mumbling through it and occasionally muttering to whoever happens to be closest to him if they know what any particular words on the page are. Occasionally muttering cosmentor and more often than not bumping into somebody and apologizing than going back to the top of the page because he completely lost where he was. - Honestly, you fit in with like 50% of the students in this place carrying around huge tomes.

It's like, it's just like people constantly bumping into each other and dropping their books like all over the place. - Oh, sorry. This one's my book, that one's yours. Yeah, thank you, yeah. - Like I picture Uminiro like learning here, coming here to study to be like Uber college, right? Because like Elle right now is taking college classes to eventually become an engineer. But to do that, she's got to take intro to art and she's like, what the fuck? Like why? Like I don't, why? And it's like, well, what if you want to build some sort of painting droid down the line?

Like you need appreciation for art. But like, it's a bunch of people it's like, look, man, I just wanted to learn Fireball. And it's like, nope, you got to learn the, how to change frogs to purple first. And then it's like, you got to get all the way through the book to get to the good stuff. And I imagine that's like any martial art, any kid walking in, it's like, I just want to like deflect arrows. And it's like, first 1000 pushups. Like it's, you know, it's a bunch of people just studying their ass off, so. - They should have decided to hack the system if they'd come and wanting to make frogs purple, Fireballs all day.

- It's such a rigorous system because they don't want people just seeking power to walk out with it and stuff like that. And obviously there's a lot of control that you need, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You're just looking how to break curses. So what you're going to be doing is probably talking to some tenured professor somewhere in the, they call it the Forbidden Wing, you know, but it's obviously not forbidden. You can walk in, you just, you know, it's in quotation marks. - Yeah, it's so, it's like, like, I don't know if you went into a library and it's like, how do I build a bomb?

Like, it's like, oh, we're going to put you on a list. Like, it's one of those things. Like, it's like, oh look, fertilizer could be used for so many things. And then, you know, someone knocks on your door. So it's very much a situation like that. You're going to have to sign in. - Is Zozo leading the way? Very important. - I'm assuming so, yeah. - So has Zozo ever been in a city like this? - No, no, no, never. - Fantastic. Could you do me a favor? - Ha ha. - Could you roll a survival check? - Yes. - So let's, it's like, you're tracking your way. So like, how good is Zozo at taking direction?

Not too bad. - 13, okay. - He wants to, yeah. So you're probably going to take a couple of wrong turns, but you know you're heading down, right? So there's, like, you probably miss, like, misread a color or something like that. Honestly, I don't know if dragons would be colorblind or something, because they have weird eyes. So like, that's interesting. But like, it's like, oh no, that's more of a fuchsia than purple. Like it's- - Exactly, all the blues and purples. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're separated by color. - Oh, oh, we're still colorblind, ah. - You have different shapes though, that's the thing.

Like, that'd be a beautiful message if, like if you guys standing in the lineup, even the character art, it's like, one of these things is not like- (all laughing) If we made that picture black and white right away, you could still- - That's fair. - So yeah, you're gonna get to the Forbidden Wing, but only after you've, it's like, oh no, this is the underwater wing. Like you don't want this wing 'cause you need the special boots. What you need is you wanna head back that way two clicks and then down a story, then do it. But the entire time Serena's just looking at everything.

It's like, wow, this is amazing. Like just crazy interested. Like anytime you guys walk past like a classroom or something and it's like, oh my God, look at that stuff over there. This is, look at this. Like super interested in all this stuff. - Gove her his opposite. She's like, books, oh no, more books, why? She's happy. - Wait, but what does party of the first part mean? 'Cause I don't know what that means. Oh wait, right, I'll read this later. So this, while yes, this is a bit of a confusing place, nowhere you have turned yet has been uninteresting. You know what I mean?

Like there's something it's like, oh man, that could come in handy one day. While you're reading this book, do me a favor. Can I get an intelligent save? - Beautiful, here you go. - Yay, six. - Okay, zero's fine. This is like really thick lawyer speak meets deep arcane knowledge. Like this was written in a language you don't speak and then translated twice. You know what I mean? It's like, you ever order a package on Amazon and you get some really good English in there and it's so good. It's like for happy time good man. It's like, oh, happy time good man.

And you just get really, it's a mix day, right? But like, imagine those translation issues, but a lawyer speaking it to you very seriously. Of course you agree to the happy time good man clause. And you're like, whoa, that sounds very important. Should I, so you keep reading these paragraphs over and over again. It's like, I got maybe a third of that. But you keep running into words like deal, packed, bond, you know, like that type of thing. And I'd say with a six, you're getting the vague. It's like, I'm sensing some importance here. Like it feels, this feels, this feels binding.

Like, have you ever entered into a transaction and we all have to sign things, but you get to your fourth signature and you're like, wait a minute, like what am I doing? Like, what does that one say? It's like, no, no, just initial here. Like if you're buying a car, perfect, perfect. It's like tens of thousands of dollars on the line. They want to make sure they get that money. So it's kind of like that where you feel like you're continuing to agree, you know? - Yeah. - Huh, I'm starting to think that this is less instructions and more, I don't actually, I don't.

Hey cousin, you don't like books, right? - I don't, it's just cringing, but also going, ooh, shiny, oh books, oh, well you have a book. Cousin, why? - Is she broken? (laughing) - No, no, she just is not a fan of books. It's a whole story. Maybe Serena, you remember that book I got? - Yeah, do you want me to take a look at it? 'Cause, I mean. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let me. Like she's like gratty hands, like gimme, gimme, gimme, like that type of thing. - Oh, thank goodness. - And she's gonna thumb through it and kind of, like she's standing there and if you've ever watched a friend struggle with something and you're just like, just let me, I could probably do this.

And then you get your hands on it and it's like, oh no, this is tough. Like you're just, it's kind of that, she starts to read it and it's like, this may have lost something from the original translation. 'Cause it says to activate the lamp, licky, licky the side. And I'm not sure what that means. - Well, there's a couple other languages if you go further back in the book, I don't know if you understand them. I think one of the languages was infernal. That's the only other language I remember being but I think he said. But if you don't-- - Well, I see Dwarvish here and I don't.

- Do you speak Dwarvish? - I don't, but I do recognize it. A lot of runes. - I don't speak Dwarvish. Do you see any giant? - You, I mean, it's a regular size book. I don't think there's room for giant in here. - Oh yeah. - Have you tried licking it? - I'll lick it. - No, I have not tried licking at all. And that is holding Roger can just like start like gnawing on it. Roger has a genie. - Do you know what we need to do? We need to roll to see what Clover's good at today. What skill is? - Okay. - So here's what we're gonna do. Let's get wacky. First of all, give me a D 20.

Let's see what skill is gonna pop up today. - Good, that is a nine. - Nine. - Right on the edge, I couldn't see what it was. - Investigation. So now we need to find out, we need to find out what kind of investigation. Like, is this like a Sherlock Holmes, like deduction type of thing, or is this like a health inspector type of investigation? Is this a grizzled noir cop on the edge type of investigation? So you know what, give me a D 10. And the higher the number, the harder we're gonna lean into tropes. - All right. - Yes. - D 10. - Oh, three. - Three. Okay, that's fine.

So what this is going to translate into is you are essentially like an OSHA ordinance person or like you're very, it's like, that is exactly four degrees off. And the state minimum is like, you're very, more of an inspector than an investigator, I would say, you know? - Yeah, so she's probably has been not only cringing at the books, but also looking at the staircases like, "Oh, this should go into the wall so that people with bags don't get caught." We just got an inspection, they said that. I was just like, "Oh." - Honestly, these books are anchored.

What if there's an earthquake, even though you're floating in the goddamn sky? Like it's just- (laughs) - And so she's just looking and cringing at everything. Oh, we're all gonna die because of that. Oh, oh, oh, I wanna touch it so bad. Oh no, wait, no. - Everyone isolate that. - How dare he? (laughs) I put that fine, but also no. (laughs) (indistinct) So, I don't know. - Serena's gonna continue to thumb through this book, but you are going to get to the Forbidden Wing. And there's this long stone corridor, and it's a bit dimmer down here. It's almost like an auxiliary basement type of thing.

And some of these doors are barred shut, and then like there's a big wooden door locked behind it. And as you go, each one of these are like, they're labeled, so there's a door just marked demonic studies. There's a door, like as it's like, oh, that's the Cthulhu door. We don't want that. And like you're walking around. And then there's a door that's just sort of miscellany. It's curses, you know, like just, basically curses, hexes, bad stuff. Like it's just that. And it's like, it's in there somewhere, but it's very vague, you know. - Oh, oh, maybe we should take Cosmentor in this door.

I mean, everything else there was vaguely kind of cursed where we got him from. Is that the door we're going through anyway? (soft music) - Kind of too birdy. - But why don't we put Cosmentor to the side for now? - Okay, Cosmentor, you wait right here. - Can I hold Cosmentor? - Oh yeah. - No. And he just like reaches over and picks it up and puts it straight into his backpack. This is gonna be saved for later. - Good, good thinking, Griff, good assist. - Bye, Cosmentor. - Bye, Cosmentor. - All right. - All right. (laughing) - All right, let's go. - And he busts open the doors.

So it goes in like literally or like, I mean like a grand opening, like bam. - Oh, okay, like your, I don't break it. - Saloon. - Yeah, you make an entrance. - Yeah. - Got it. Sorry, I'm writing this down. - I was gonna say, I imagine most of us just kind of walk in fairly comfortably, whereas a Criv and Olmo kind of have to kind of crouch in just a little bit more. I don't know how big the doors here are, but they can't be that big. - They're not, again, this hallway is like, you almost get the, it's like, this is storage, because there's no active teachings going on here.

This is all logs and like, we have experts, but no one's allowed to learn these things anymore. Like they're locked for a reason. That's like, if you see a sign that says, please don't poop in the fountain, that's because someone ruined it for the rest of us. - So it's probably one of those situations where like, we both go to move towards the door at the same time, and then we both stop at the same time, and then motion for the other person to go through at the same time, and then like start, and there's that awkward moment. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, just go.

Just... - Oh yeah, sorry. Yeah, I've never been to this part of the city. No, not at all. - Needs some ventilation too. Yeah, gosh, what if there's gas? - What are you talking about? - I don't know. - Starts breaking down. I don't know where this knowledge came from. - By the way, the entire time, first of all, Oliver ditched. Oliver's just, he's much more of like, he's much more of a like, look, I know what I can see. I know it's like, I'm gonna find the food court. - I knew. - Yep. - Does he have Roger? - I'm gonna find him. No, Roger's clip-clopping down the stone hallway with you.

Like you can hear like, (clicking) like you could definitely hear the little coconut walk behind you. - Good old Roger. - As you open this door, someone's going to be sitting at a desk kind of hunched over it and like looks up like, hurry up, close the door, you're letting the draft in. This very old looking tiefling, like hunched over, almost skeletal looking, like you just want to feed him a sandwich and give him a warm beverage. - All right, that just was a motion to everybody to like come in, like, come on, Crave. - How much room is there in this?

Is it a tight room? Are we kind of sardined in here? - Okay, let's put it this way. Remember I said the robe situation, like the more decorated yet? This dude is pretty decorated and you're a little shocked at the size of his office. There's probably enough room for the four of you to stand in here, but not get comfy. - Yeah, so Crip steps in and he closes the door behind him and then he doesn't walk too far into this area, just kind of turns around and starts looking for like larger labels or sections that he can start to identify. (soft music) - He's going to ignore Mr.

Bag of Bones over here and just go straight to the text. - So he's going, okay, he's going to start addressing that right away. - Listen here, you thugs. You can't relocate me again. There's nowhere else to put me. I've had my quarters here scaled down four times in the last 10 years. This is it, I've had it. I'm, no. - You there. What's, I'm Zozo. This is the gang. What is your area of expertise? You, we, I like your energy. (laughs) (dice rattling) He's, he's got, you gave him a compliment, so he's going to zero in on you. I'd like to think so, but Master Mage, Willis Papworthy, at your service.

I've, should have been Archmage by now, but my teachings aren't active anymore in the school city. - Oh, is that so? What did you use to teach then? - Curses, death touch hexes, you name it. If it's debilitating, I know it. But then you get a couple of rogue Archmages taking over portions of the city, and all of a sudden, your teaching style is obsolete and dangerous. - Oh, I know about dangerous power as well. I think you and I are like-minded. - He kind of like leans in on this table or whatever. He gets really close. - Just behind him over his shoulder, he gets this look from Kriv, like, what the fuck do you know about this?

(laughs) And he's like- - Dude, you couldn't hit a scarecrow, like- - Exactly. And then he just like shakes it off and just goes back to like using his finger to go through the books. - What do you got on mind control? - What type of mind control? Is this the type where you're just sort of charming a person you can strip all their free will away, force them to harm themselves and others? There's levels to this, man. - What do we talk about? - Nothing complicated, just the power to have a greater dragon obey your every command. - Nothing complicated? No, of course, we'll just lasso a dragon and get it to do our bidding.

I'm sure we could do that before lunch. - That'd be a big lesson. - Being a master mage, I assumed so. - Are we getting lunch? - Yeah, I'm hungry. - Oh yeah, me too. - Food court's on the third floor. - Oh, I know where it is, yeah. Hey, do you guys got this? We can wait, we can wait. - Okay. - We're not speaking theoretical, are we? - I don't think so. - But he's starting to kind of conspiratorially like- - Yeah, I get his vibe, yeah. - I don't think we are, I'm assuming this is a safe place to talk about these kinds of thing, is it? - Oh, well, yes, if for no other reason than I've been pretty much left alone like a lapper, completely abandoned by my academic peers.

Shut my door, we'll speak candidly. - Omu looks around to see the door that could have already shut. - Yeah, just- - He can't see past you, so he's guessing you left the door open, still cold. Like he's just fucking like... As tieflings age, that old person thing of getting cold is so much worse than them because they build up a tolerance to fire, but the cold just eats away at their bones, like they hate it, like, yeah. So when you walk into this office, you probably notice that it is sweltering, like it is not pleasant. The red dragonborn are probably fine.

Sozo may, like, he may glisten. - Like he may- - He's a little sweaty. A little sweaty. - He's not gonna mention anything about it though. - No, that's- - Just smelly and sweaty. - Yeah, he being polite. All right, all right. And he's gonna walk up to the bookshelf and just start like pulling at books, but not pulling them off the shelf. Grab these three and this'll get us started. What do we... Give me some parameters, man. Like what size is the dragon? What type of, what do you want it to do? Did you... (clears throat) Well, for size, did you look up to the skies the day the world shook under the roar of the great dragon god, Aruthammar, when she took flight and flew out of Strahd's lair?

- Two problems with that, son. One, you shook, we were fine. Two, and he's gonna like take this cane he uses and like tap on the ceiling, which is low enough for his cane to reach. There's quite a few layers to be able to see the sky, but I do know the dragon of which- - Okay, yeah, she's very big. - All right, well, that does narrow it down. Put these two books back, we won't need that one. Just the thing. - Grab a wooden back, slams it on the table. - Kriv was like looking through the books and as he gets to the book in questions, Zozo grabs it, because the mage indicated it, grabs it like- - Thank you.

- Slammed it. - Ah, right. He's gonna start to like, he's gonna open the thing in the middle. There's like some old bookmark or whatever, and he's gonna start to try and like get an individual page. Come here, open your mouth. If Clover opens her mouth, he will instantly stick his hand in your mouth and run his finger along your tongue to get moisture. And it will taste like old newspaper ink and old man. And he's, thank you. And he's gonna like smack you on the chin, close that up. - And she does it and she's like, oh yeah, I've had this happen to me. I apparently make good moisture.

People would, like my friends, they said that I was really good to have around books and I was just to be silent and to have my tongue out. - All right, shut up, that's boring. Like he's going to, like he's very rude. Like just- - Just like, oh yup, that brings back memories. - I found my character for next art. This is gonna be my inspiration. - Like not a moment's hesitation, aha, shut up. Like just like does not give a shit. And he's going to look through. Ah, all right, all right. And he's got these little glasses that are kind of like resting far down his nose.

These cheaters aren't quite doing it. And he's got a second pair that he's going to put on that had these little arms and every arm has a slightly higher magnification. And he's going to, he's gonna like, it's like, all right. Ah, yes, okay, so you're trying to control the dragon. So that- - No, no, no. Oh, did I not mention the part where we're trying to break the mind control that's on the dragon so that she can take her rightful place ruling this world? - Oh, now you did. - Put this book back, I don't need this book. - Like that was my mistake, Crib.

I'll own up to it, that was my mistake. You wanna fight? - You wanna fight? (laughing) I was gonna say that was so much growth and then instantly undid it. - So I picture like he gives the book over, like slams the book closed, gives it over to Zozo. Zozo turns around, makes eye contact and slowly hands it over while he's speaking that. And then Crib just kind of snatches it out and goes, "Not yet." And just puts it back and then turns back around as if it's just a normal thing. - Does the same thing, tells Clover to open her mouth, sticks his finger in, it's like, excellent, good.

You're doing a great job, keep that up, keeping moist. And he's going to, yeah, he's, yeah, it's, yeah. - That's creepy old man. - If it makes you feel any better, his genitalia probably stopped working decades ago. - No, it doesn't make me feel any better. - No, it doesn't? Okay, you're right, he has magic. Like if you got blue pill, what do they got, right? Like, all right. Okay, so there's a few things we're going to have to do if you're being serious about this. First of all, let's get back to that little thing. Take her rightful place. What do we, what, what's that mean?

Like he's going to lean in and kind of keep his voice down. - What does that mean? - Free? Well, yes, free, but also free to take back the vacancy left by Strahd. - Oh, well. - Well. Yes, no, okay, yes, you know what? If you would have asked me a decade ago, I would have said, get the hell out of my office, but I will look into it out of curiosity. Now I'm going to say, don't tell anyone about this, and I'll point you in the right direction to free this dragon, if only, because those douchey higher ups won't see this coming, and it'll make them look like idiots, especially after the murder.

Now, what you're going to need to do is find the source of the, there's a pivot point, an axes, it's being used to control your dragon. So there needs to be some sort of artifact, some sort of, are you a spellcaster? You made it sound like you're a spellcaster. - I am, but I'm highly specialized. - So like, he's going to launch into it, it's like, you know what I'm talking about. You know, you need a casting implement to channel magic through, otherwise. - Oh yes, yes I know. - You're just raw dogging magic all over the place, and you don't want to do that, so.

(laughing) I have a bucket list of terms that I want to get to be able to work into conversation, and raw dogging magic is right in there. I got to do it. - See, I need someone the other way to where you're just going to be having, so, all right, new book idea, right? A little book, sentences that make Mandy go, "Eh." - No! - Yeah, I was going to say, if we're working on stats for the show, I want to know how many minutes Mandy's been doing her disgusted face. - Oh man. (laughing) - I just know you said little book, I don't think that's a little book.

- Well, I mean, it's small text, right? Just the one liners of like, here's everything that's made Mandy go, "Eh." - Honestly, if I can do this profession long enough to get a book called "Raw Dogging Magic" on the Barnes and Noble shelf, and my spirit can rest, I've done- - I will buy it, I will buy it. - Where do you go from there, right? Like, anyway. So there's some sort of, there's a channeling point out there, and I'm assuming if this dragon's still under control, that's still intact. I can give you something to help find it. It's going to be, well, it's going to be very specialized, probably kept in some place where it won't be fiddled with too much, but first you gotta break that.

And then you just have to get into a room with your dragon. And then there's a quick dispel magic ritual thingy, and then you're good to go. - Okay, okay, I think we can do this. All we have to do is break some crystal ball, and then we go dispel the magic. That's easy enough. Could be a crystal ball, it could be, oh, I had a colleague that made these hideous little wooden dolls, and they would do things like restore hair growth, things like that. Creepy little things, so it kept them right on the cubicle wall when I first started. It was just disgusting.

They didn't make it very far. - Yeah, yeah, that's what happens when you decorate your office with little tiny figurines. You don't get respected by your colleagues, even though you work in animation. Everybody does it, just kidding, everybody does it. - There's nothing personal about that at all. - I want to give you a hug, Xavier. - Everybody does it, I was kidding, I was just trying to find a punchline for my joke that was going nowhere. (laughing) - That's great. - I thought you were making fun of Jason. - No, that's fine, no, I mean, no one respects me either.

Like it works, it's fine. You're not Matt Mercer, I know. And then that's the end of the conversation most of the time. Well, I could give you a little something here to help find that. Who the hell knows where it's gonna be though, you might be in for one hell of a journey, but once you find it, you just gotta track down your dragon. How hard could that be? - Leave it to me, it won't be hard at all. Tell me, Master Mage Willis, what is it that you want out of this? Is it just to humiliate those who... Those who said you were not worthy, were not strong enough?

Is that sufficient? We can offer you anything from Strahd's treasure trove, or I can offer you a place at the Marutha Marsai. I feel just the humiliation, that's fine too. - Well now, hold on. When you say offer me a place at a Marutha Marsai, what are you pitching exactly? - I can't speak on her behalf right now, but I will be her right hand. Right arm, right hand? - Let's say you've become increasingly disenfranchised, with academia, spending your entire life, almost a hundred years dedicated to the craft, being born into it, molded by it. And then you cast aside, because your particular style of magic, your academic pursuits were deemed less than by others.

It's politics, it's the magic of the world. Politics, honestly. Now what if, what if I wanted to restructure things in the city, less bureaucracy, less should we, and more, oh, look what I can do. You know what I'm saying? - Yes, power and action are to be rewarded. - Exactly. And now, look, I'm not saying that what some of my students did wasn't a little over the line, but am I a little proud that they took knowledge that I gave them and took over a good portion of Brightport? I would be lying if I said that I wasn't proud of that. And don't get me wrong, I feel bad for all the people that died, of course, of course, but they donated huge amounts to the school and said it was because of me.

Do you know how much clout that got me at the time? So yes, well, probably a lot. It means a lot at these stupid charity luncheons, but no more of that. If your dragon gets free, we can reshape this entire city. Does that seem fair to you? - I mean, I'll see what Ruthammar says about that. She's gonna be my boss, but I'll put in a good word. - I appreciate it, thank you. Well, anyway, here, and he's gonna, he's gonna be like, hold out your hand. - He holds out his hand. - Yeah, you're holding out. - You're part of a podcast. - Right. So you're like holding out your hand to shake and he's gonna like, he's gonna shake and a hole is gonna be punctured into your palm.

- Yeah. - And like, he's gonna, if you try to pull back, he's gonna like, hold on, don't steal. And your hand's gonna start to like radiate green. Like there's just like, it's like, you definitely, like there's a warmth to it that you're feeling. And then he's gonna pull back. All right, so if you hold out your hand, you should get a little vibration, a sense of where to go. There should be some visuals to it as well, but it's all kind of manufactured by your mind. So, you know, could be arrows, could be, I don't know, snakes, mermaids, whatever you see in your head, it'll point you in the right direction.

And you know, it should get you there. - He tries to focus in on the palm of his hand. And I don't know if it would work, but like, it's like really highly detailed, like miniature version of a Ruthmar. Like in perfect like scale, disappears and kind of like points in the direction. But then it stands up and it's like, like pointing this way, like it just like, almost like a cartoon of Ruthmar. Just kind of like. - All right, like it says, O.C. of Ruthmar and she's got very fine proportions. - I just picture you use Toontown version of like a Ruthmar. - Don't look at my drawings.

- Just a stacked version of Ruthmar. - Yeah, it's a Ruthmar. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Oh my, like just kind of like. (laughing) Well, I'm tired, on your way. Bye. - Real quick, what is this ritual that we need to do whenever we do get to a Ruthmar? - Oh, fine. And he's gonna pull some directions out. I could copy it from the book, but that's, I don't want to. Basically, all you need to do, it's a very simple counter spell. Any fifth year mage could teach you it, but the hard part is going to be breaking whatever spell bound this creature. 'Cause it had to be some sort of large channeling crystal or powerful artifact.

It has to be in proportion to the creature you're trying to control. So you can imagine that it might even be heavily guarded. Who knows? Not size wise. And he's gonna, but it could be, I don't know, as small as a baby bird or something. I don't know what it is, but its power will be radiating so much that you should be able to pick up on it now. Anytime you look at your hand and sort of channel that. - Okay, okay. And on a different note, I'm sorry. - And then, I think, Teddi to Ruthmar is gonna stand up. - Yeah. (laughing) - I do have one other question, but it's more of a curiosity.

- Hmm. - When you were talking- - He's gonna be looking at the Ruthmar the entire time that you're like, hmm, mm-hmm, yeah. - I can't believe that's canon. (laughing) - We did it, we did it, we put dragon with you. - Secret's me at least. - And put real dragons. - We did it. (laughing) - When you were talking about what happened in the past and the donation and all that stuff, I'm just wondering who was that that did that? - Hmm, why? - I'm just curious, that's all. - Are you a narc? Because you have to tell me if you are. (laughing) - He puts his hands up like, nope, no, no, no.

I'm just a curious soul. (soft music) - There was Archmage, graduated here very long ago, got tired of the run around with his fellow academics and decided to strike out and became a very, well, it wasn't popular, but very successful, very powerful man, Thermac. He struck out, El took over a good third of Brightport from what I understood, did very well for himself. And then the poor lad was assassinated in his own home, but you know, caesara. - I guess that comes with the territory of taking over half. - Yeah, powerful, but not quite enough. Oh, well.

- Oh, well. Oh, before we go, I know he keeps trying to kick us out, but I have the slap, Criv, Criv has my lamp, the lamp, it has Kazmentor in it, and he came from a wagon where everything was mildly cursed, but we took only one mildly cursed item instead of all the mildly cursed items, 'cause we were only offered one mildly cursed item. And it has this whole book that Serena, where's Serena? - Probably just barely like kind of wedged into the room with you. So just kind of like trying to make themselves small while you guys are messing around with books.

So like, it's that thing where you look on this side, look on this side, and then you do it the third time and they're there, yeah. - Eventually look just kind of down in between enough of us. - Yeah, just hi, hi, just kind of peeking out. - Serena, actually, have you figured out the book here? Should we ask him if he can help? - No, yeah, no, ask him, 'cause I don't speak Infernal or Abyssal or any of those languages, they're dead languages. - Okay, and so we have this book that says how he works or what we're supposed to do with him, but the common seems like a really weird translation, and it has like Infernal and Abyssal and Dwarf.

Well, I don't know if it has Infernal and Abyssal, but it's definitely at least one of those, and Dwarf. - Can I give him the book? Thank you, here's the book. Can you help make sense, or will that take too long? - Yeah, he's gonna kind of take, let me see the thing. Mildly cursed, any idiot could mildly curse something. That could mean anything. It could mean don't trust a fart sometimes. Just let me see the lamp. - Griv takes the lamp out and puts it in the middle of the table. - And he's gonna like grab it. All right, so the discoloration make me think that it's quite old, but it doesn't appear to have been used, so the previous owner took quite good care of it, which either means that they only used it a couple of times, or they were completely scared off by the word cursed because they're a plebe and don't understand the connotations.

You there, pink girl, open your mouth, please. - And he's gonna take the lamp and rub it on your tongue. (laughing) - Okay, the rules, oh man, rules of thirds. (laughing) Is this show written? (laughing) - He's gonna look at it, it's like, ah, all right, see that sizzle, that means it's working. So just keep doing that and the, what was his name? - Cosmenter. - Cosmenter, good, yeah, so I'm sure that'll coax him out eventually, now be careful, obviously don't share your food with him, don't make any deals that you don't completely understand. Don't shake his hand after midnight, and there's some other stuff I forget, but I'm sure you'll figure it out by figuring out where the line is and then crossing it once or twice.

But good luck, yes. - Okay. - You know, I think most of Mandy's actions this session has been going, nah. (laughing) I think that's most of Mandy's role. - Look how much it sets in motion. - It does, it's moved forward. It pretty well. - That's my new advice to anyone in a campaign. If you're having a hard time, it's like, have you tried licking it? Like just, like you'd be surprised how much that kickstarts a story. - Yeah. - Usually just gets me arrested. - Well, there's your story. (laughing) - Well, there you go, like you have at the next gathering, be it a scheduled visitation or a party, like you'll have a story to tell.

- That's right. - And he's gonna kind of like, it's like, all right, leave, leave, leave, leave. - Clover, just before they leave, she's gonna slightly raise his chair so that his feet are flat and that he is, when he sits, is ergonomically correct. And then she scutters, scutters up. - If you, okay, if you do that, you're gonna hear several vertebrae just like, like a fresh bendy straw. And he's like, ah, hold on. Open your mouth. (laughing) And he's gonna put a butterscotch in there. Thank you. (laughing) - See cousin, I knew this would've turned out well.

- Oh yeah, that's wonderful. - He's like, I can feel my left arm again. That's wonderful. Like just, (laughing) Guys, I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening. I know, I know there's a ton to do, but we're right in the middle of a move. And I am very excited to get to this, but also to find a place for all our stuff. So yeah. - That's fair. - Yeah. - That's a Wicca thing. I'm happy. - So I'm gonna get out of the way and let Xavier tell you all about how you can support the show and find us and all that good stuff. - Hey everybody, Xavier again.

I hope you enjoyed the episode. Thanks for tuning in. If you were here live on Twitch, thank you and be there again. And if you weren't, make sure you catch a stream live every Saturday. Well, I mean, every Saturday that we are putting an episode up at 7 p.m. Eastern time. And yeah, share the podcast with your friends. I'm losing my voice as this thing. We gotta stop this soon 'cause I'm losing myself. Make sure you give us a follow on the socials and yeah, we'll see you online. And thanks again for your support. It means a lot to us. Have a good night. (soft music)