Security Blanket

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That kind of thing means the world, and it helps us keep the lights on. Of course, if you're watching on YouTube, make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and share. Do all that good algorithm stuff. And without further ado, let's get on with today's episode. Oh, let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table starting with Ian. Ian here. I am playing the Thetan. Endurant. Ha, I remembered. Nailed it. And Kelsey. Hey, I'm Kelsey, and I'm playing Calypso, the Bard. And James. Hey, it's James.

I play Dagon, the weak, ignorant, eladrin, endurant. And Michael. Hey, I'm Michael, and I play the human warlock, Fendris. And last, and certainly not least, Valerie. But also the smallest. Hi, I'm Valerie. I mean, the most diminutive. Yeah, like, yeah. Listen, everyone, my name is Valerie. And I play Matilda, the human rogue. And I don't take shit from Jason. When have I given you shit? What did I do to you? Wait, wait, what does-- wait, maybe I'm confused. What does diminutive mean? It means small. It means you're we. That's all. Well, I take it back then. What did you think it meant?

I don't know. I thought it was like a slur. What did you think it meant? It does have a pejorative connotation a little bit. I guess, but it sounded like you didn't know the definition of the word. You're in college first. No. You went to college. I'm out of college. That's worse. So like, my-- You have a degree. Yeah. You should be smarter than me. Why-- look, why do you think-- why are you so on guard with me all the time, like I'm going to attack you? Because the word diminutive means something bad. Not necessarily. It just means-- No. Just being small. Like a human guinea pig.

Like, trying to-- It doesn't mean dim. No. Dim. Apartheid thing. [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] I feel like somewhere along our eight-year friendship, we got off on the wrong foot. And I think you're under the impression that I'm coming after you all the time. And I'm not. Always. We're just-- we're supposed to be having fun. Relax. I'm sorry, Jason. I really did think diminutive was an insult. I didn't mean it as such. It's like we have a big, giant, like, large dog that just kind of calm and chill and everything. And then there's a tiny little pomeranian or something that's just going all out and yelling and screaming at it.

Constantly nipping. Just bite, bite, bite all the time. Yeah. So, well, gosh and golly, we basically started a D&D group last time we played. Like, we got everyone involved. We're getting there. Hold on. Hold on. The group is a strong term. I figure-- Just describe what we are at the moment. A few more seasons and we'll have our first real session. Can't wait for 2029. I am, like, half convinced at this point that the mansion doesn't actually exist. Like, this is just-- it's just never going to get there. I'm not keeping you from it. So we've-- we got you guys patched up after a-- I think you can call that a fight.

I think it's a fight. Like, we can call it a fight. But we got you guys patched up a little bit after that vicious ass beating. And-- Throttling, yeah. Galandad, who works for the city guard, is a little worried because one of the ass stompies is an Aladrin named Dagon, who would-- his parents, I guess, would be more of a worry than him. But he threatened to write a letter to his mother. Now, normally, that really wouldn't hold a lot of weight in Brightport. But in this case, Aladrin are tied to the city's economy directly down south and on a call. So this could be a big problem for Galadad specifically, but for the city guard as a whole, maybe.

So he's really trying to have that not be a thing, going so far as to ruin the first letter that Dagon was writing. But like, whoops, spilled ink all over that. Oh, clumsy me, that type of thing. But really trying to smooth over this whole affair by getting all of you back together and then finding the people responsible. And it's like, OK, let's try to bring these people to justice and show that we're efficient and all that stuff. So first question, was Dagon accompanying these guys? Or was Michael Hughes still attached to James, basically, is the question.

I think there's still an opportunity there, and that's why Fenris is even-- well, that he doesn't want to get shot in the neck. There's that, yeah. Unless there's another opportunity that seems to be better, he's going to stick this one through and he's basically weighing the options. Right now, he's in it. So yes. So a joke was started before we even started the session. And Valerie just kept saying, my character has a gun to the point where she physically added it to the table. It just says gun, like that's it, like not proficient. Just I-- you know. So what I want to do, Valerie, because it was established you were handed a hand crossbow.

I think I said something. It's like, ha-ha, gun, something like that. But so what we're going to do, because we have established that there is a gun-like object in the world that is just-- it's basically a blunderbuss just packed full of metal materials with basically one magic charge behind it. So it just ejects everything from it. If you give me a flat D20 and it's 11 or higher, we're just going to change the object to gun. Like we're just going to get-- it's a one shot-- it's a one shot thing. Come on, man. [LAUGHTER] That's a one, everybody? Yeah. Is that karma?

I think-- Oh my god. I got-- oh my god. I get a nug. Guys, it's gone backwards. Just thinking that. Genius. Yeah, you get a handful of dank nugs. It's not even a real crossbow. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, dank nugs, that's what it's called. In Walmart, they have a-- What's the equivalent of a super soaker in theory? In Walmart, they have a vegan chicken nugget, and they're called nugs. And that's what I thought of when you're-- it's like a dinosaur chicken nugget that you're using. It's like, yeah, that's a one. I think that's a one. Here, use this gun. I'm like, well, I've never heard of a gun before.

This must be a gun. So we're going to-- we're going to make that-- we're just going to keep that a hand crossbow, because I think the table is like, we're not giving her a gun. Like, I think that was pretty much the consensus. For the podcast, though, Valerie has produced a gun and is waving it around on camera. Yeah, no, if you're watching on YouTube, you can see. If you're not on YouTube yet watching this, go on over and see my gun. This is true. It's very threatening. Like, it will separate her shoulder if she ever fires it. Yeah, like, she's far too small.

Diminutive, please. [LAUGHTER] Oh, god. So-- I'm fixing the title of my item for you. OK. I could just give you a hand crossbow so you don't have to do that. So, OK, what I need-- for those of you who patched up, let's spend a couple of hit die, because you got a short rest, and let's get you some hit points back, because everyone was at zero after-- after the-- the-- Yes, everyone. Well, yeah, well, yes. OK, so we're healed up, and you-- so you have a team of three, and it's going to be Fenris and Dagon's coming along, but only because, like, he's under guard, basically.

It's like, hey, let's make sure nothing happens to you again, that type of thing. And Matilda have been sent out to find Calypso, firstly, because you-- you need to get a description of the people that assaulted you so you can go find them and-- and, you know, at least let the-- at least let Gal and Dad know where they are. Like, I guess bonus points if you get an opportunity to take them down yourselves, but I don't know if that would be the best idea. That's up to you. I'm not here to play your characters. So-- Go leave it in my hands. [LAUGHTER] I mean, Dagon's clearly the leader, right?

Like, we've established that. Once upon a time. So this is-- this is an interesting little pocket group, because Matilda has been handed a weapon to keep Fenris in line. Fenris is clearly the most knowledgeable of the streets, and Dagon is the most entitled. So you have three people who could arguably call themselves leader or-- let's go this way, that type of thing. So how do you get started here? Who's the first one to say, OK, let's go. Break. Let's get out there. Fenris doesn't say anything. He just waits and sees. He's waiting for opportunity. Matilda's just holding her crossbow, but in a very, very dangerous way that someone should say something, or else she will hurt herself.

What are you, like, staring down the-- like, the back? Yeah. Oh, because of the one? Because of the-- like, your apple? [LAUGHTER] This thing's real sharp. Like, you're just, like-- Yeah, like, it's already, like, cocked, and she doesn't realize it. Oh, my god. Is it pointed at Fenris, or is it just pointed, like, in the direction you're going? I want to say she's, like, holding on to the arrow in the crossbow. So you're not even gripping the handle. Like, you're just holding-- holy shit, OK. I got to imagine Galandat's not around, because, like, he'd probably-- Listen, he gave me a gun.

This is what he should have expected. Wait, it's not a gun, so I forgot. It's not a gun. Stop it. Like, it's-- Shh. No. Fantasy gun, basically, that's all. So just so I'm clear, Galandat tasked us going to find Calypso to see if they know about the people that attacked us. Yes, basically. Because when Calypso and Matilda were hanging out, it sounded like Calypso kind of knew, like, the lay of the land at the very least, but just, you know, didn't want to get involved. Like, because they knew the lay of the land, maybe they were like, I'm not getting involved in this.

That's insane. OK. So-- By the way, wouldn't it be great if everyone just sat here waiting for the other person to take charge? And, like, it's like, well, we're going to sit in this church all day. So we're in a church? Well, the library. Well, I guess we're in the church leaving to the library. Yeah, you guys were-- Well, you guys happened to come into the light. Yeah, you had stopped at a church to get patched up. Oh. OK, right, right, right. OK, I'll go first. Um, so Dagon will look at Benris and Matilda and just be like, so that's it then. They send us off to do their work.

I haven't even written my letter yet. Well, if we can get someone to come back, you can get your letter, get our stuff, and then maybe they can do the work of actually getting the stuff back. Maybe find something on the way. I'm sorry, why are we doing this? Well, maybe we don't have to do anything. I like you. Well, let me explain first. The person that we're looking for wants something in my library. We can just wait there until they show up for it. Well, how long is that going to take? Well, that's something you should ask them, I guess. Does Matilda look like she comes from money, or is she like average?

Like, what's the status of Matilda that if Benris were to like looking at marks, as it were, where would Matilda rank in wealth from an appearance view? Um, well, especially from an appearance view, probably like lower middle class. Like, she has enough money that she can have like food and clothes that fit, but she's also just a very frugal person in general. So like, especially her clothes, they're not like flashy or anything. They're actually quite plain. Okay, that's perfect. You are safe for now. Well, there's gotta be a way to turn this thing that they want us to do into our favor and get something out of it ourselves.

Never take anything on where it gives you nothing in return. So I wonder, let me think about, and happy if you guys have any ideas too about maybe we could find a way to gain from this. We should never come back empty handed, even if it is just a courier mission. What do I need to gain? Do you want your stuff back? I suppose. Also could send for more, but... Don't you want to look like a badass? Like, I'd rather you write to your mom saying, I landed on Brightport and I kicked their ass. I'm awesome here. And whatever you're doing for who you're meeting at Dragon's Keep, just be like, I did it, I'm awesome.

Don't you want to say that? I don't need to be anything, but... I do have a few new moves I would like to try out. (sighs) Matilda sees right through this, by the way. She's like, ah, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Are you backing away? Are you still the same, like, is there like physical appearance of that awareness or are you just like... Oh no, there's maybe a bit of a frown forming on her face. Like, okay, I understand what this guy's about. No you don't. I mean, you also get to witness it first hand too. It's also true. Like you literally had box seats. So watch the most lopsided fight of the century.

It's like, you can be awesome, says the guy who almost died. Yeah. But we're not dead, so we can still be awesome. Come on, come on. So it sounds like you guys are going to the library, which by the way, may have been the most common sense thing I'd ever heard debated in a D&D. It's like, so we don't have to chase, they want something, let's just go there and wait. It's like, oh shit, that like... Well, I mean, what are we going to do, walk the streets? That's what I think 90% of people would do is what I'm saying. It's very clever. You just went A to B. You're talking about Calypso, right?

Like that's... Yeah, they haven't left the library. Yeah, that's the thing. I didn't think they left the library. You asked them to look after all you were gone, so they're still waiting for you to come back. Yeah. I was going to ask that. I was like, Kelsey, did you leave? But I thought that would be too meta. So you're debating whether or not to go. And they're just sitting there. Oh, shit. They're probably like, they're still on the balcony just to keep an eye on who's coming and going, but they've like, have gotten a book to like read while they're waiting, like just like chilling.

And you're like, oh man, I don't know, we got to find them. Like, it's just... That, okay. I feel like we had a whole talk about this in the last episode. I was just under the impression that they left. Like they were just gone. So, okay. Well, problem solved. How about that, guys? They like didn't come out with the like guard showed up 'cause they didn't want to get involved with any of that. 'Cause the whole firebrand thing is a little kind of, like, eh, not gonna get involved in that just in case. But they didn't like leave, like Matilda asked them like, hey, can you like stay here and like look after the library while I'm going to go do this thing?

They're like, yeah, cool. So they're still just, you know. - Hey, Jason. - Mm-hmm. - So we're in this like church area. Is it like a medical area? Like in this church? Like where, 'cause they like saw, we got healed or went to a healer or at least getting recovered at the church. Just curious about like what we see. Mainly I'm looking for like empty bottles. - I mean, this is, so... This is a really big house of worship, right? So like this, there's been this crazy flux ever since word of new gods have shown up and like there's this whole big theological debate, but basically this is a place where anyone can come and worship and all that.

But there's a really big community outreach thing of like, hey, if you need a place to sleep, if you don't have a place to sleep, come on in. We can, you know, they have limited space. So this is kind of part of that setup where it's sort of the city's answer to like free healthcare. It's like, hey, we can, you know, you got your ass beat? Man, that happens a lot. Come on in. Well, you know, here's cold compress, hold that against your face, like that type of thing. It's very minor healing, but yeah, it's enough to help you out. - Better what we get. - Did a librarian accidentally shoot you with a crossbow?

(laughing) - That's the third time this week, but... (laughing) So I would say like empty bottles are probably pretty easy to find. - Can I grab a few? - Sure. Yeah. - You wanna put a fairy in it? - Yeah, they'd ask you to recycle, but like that's basically it. Like, yeah. - Cool. - Um. (laughing) - Michael, what are you doing with these? - Go get some bottles. - Are you gonna pee in these? Are you, are these pee bottles? - I almost asked that question. I'm like too low brow, Jason. But thank you, Ian. I appreciate it. - I'll go there. I'll go low. - Is this just all gods?

- Hmm? - Is this like a God, is it a dedicated God church or is it like a church for a God or is it like just like multi branch? - This was originally set up for all the old gods. Like this was just a, it's like, hey, come on in. You know, that like it's, there's like, you know, little statues and, you know, stuff set up to each God. And yeah. So, um, in nicer neighborhoods, they, they tend to like, if a specific wing of the church is like, oh, this is for cord. This is for, you know, they, you know, dedicate enough money to get that built. And then they kind of like put their little stamp on that portion of the city.

But, uh, all that's kind of up in the air right now. But that's not really your problem. - Nope. - Ian, what, what are you out there doing? What's, what's hobo life like? What are we, what are we up to? - Oh, it is good. It is good life. (laughs) - How's the rat? - I was going to say most importantly, dumpy, we've got a dumpy update. - Dumpy, dumpy. (laughs) - Dumpy. - A dump date, good. Yes, let's- - A dump date, yes. We've got a dump date. (laughs) Dump date. (laughs) - God damn it. - At this point, dumpy is sort of given like, I think free reign of the, of the, the Thetan body.

So there's still the like rat sack that's on the side, but this is now open. This is more of like a place dumpy can go to like, when he's tired or to be safe or to go to sleep. And now dumpy just sort of like uses the protruding bones and spikes to sort of like as a ladder to climb up and down the Thetan and is currently just like on top of his head right now, just holding onto some of the little spikes. And I think that he's probably just like doing what he, doing what he's typically doing, foraging for food for him and dumpy. But I think now that he's got a new friend, he just recently saw a building, a new kind of building that's got all kinds of books inside of it.

And he needs some information from some of those. So he might be cautiously heading back there. - So two things. One, again, for those out there listening, don't know what a Thetan looks like. A Thetan kind of looks like, man, alien, I think is the most, like the shortest, very human, but not. They have no mouth to speak of, empty hollow kind of eyes. Very creepy pasta look at, right? But your character has proven that, it's like, oh yeah, I'm a nice dude, that's fine. But upon first appearance, this smelly creature with no mouth, jaunts out of an alley with a live rat, just like roaming its body like a playground.

In short, your body is a wonderland is what I'm saying for this rat. - Yes. A cryptid wonderland. - So that may come up in- - Oh, can I grab, could I like grab a piece of like tattered awning or something and just to like, throw it over my head and make a little makeshift cloak or poncho or something? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can kind of a dark man situation where you're just like- - Yes. - Okay. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah. - Okay. - We're gonna try and be incognito a little, 'cause that was the site of an ass beating and law enforcement. And that's not something, that's not something I wanna get involved with.

- There's a lot of questions and you can't physically speak to anybody. So that just really stretches out the process. So what it sounds like is we have, God forbid, all five party members going to the same location in the same city at the same time. - I've already gotten there. I'm just saying, I'm like punctual. - Everyone else is late. - So let's say the three of you guys, Fenris, Matilda and Dagon get back to the library here. And let's say a couple of minutes after that, we got bittersweet joining. But right now it's the three of you guys walking back to the library and you already have a good idea that Calypso's probably still there unless they just ditched.

But like you did watch them. - They said that they would watch over the library and so they will. That's very honorable. - Yes, but you also did watch three people get stabbed and kicked nearly to death. - Did I tell those three people that I was gonna help them? No. - So now I need to know though, what did Calypso do to that guard who went into the library with his own gun? Did they have an interaction? - What, the one just popping around? Just like peeking? I mean, unless? - No, 'cause the guard was like, "You, go, here's a gun. Go to the library and look over it." 'Cause I said, "But sir, I have a job who's gonna wash the library." - No, Calypso kind of very tactfully sort of like, when the guard showed up, it's like, "I'm gonna go hide behind this curtain sort of thing." Like just like not interact.

You know, like, "I gotta go to the bathroom." Like it's kind of like, just like step out of the way. Like they don't wanna. - Oh, Kels, this is the inner city. There's no public bathroom here. There's no, that's even in the library. - Where does my child go to the bathroom? It's a library. It's a private bathroom. Maybe, I don't know. I don't know, maybe. So, okay, two things. One, Val, I feel like you're inserting a phrase into every previous interaction in your head, which is, "Here's a gun." Then exposition. - I swear, I heard going gun. - I don't think that happened.

- No, because he said, "And if anyone tries to read a book, you shoot them too." - That was when you were at the church getting like, healed up and he was talking to you. - That was not at the library. - That was directed. It was like a joke. Like, you know. - A joke? What's that? (laughs) - This is why we need a place for authenticity. - Okay, so no one has a gun. - No one has a gun. - Normal people. - No one, I quit. I quit. I'm out, bye. - No one's. (laughs) Number two. - The guards probably gonna be watching the door, not like stalking the stacks of the library.

It's just more like, it's like, "Hey, make sure no one goes in." Like, he's not working there. It's more just like posted out front. That's all. - I asked someone to work for me. - He's not organizing books and shit. Like, he's just there to like, make sure no one loots the place, you know? - This guy does not know the Dewey Decimal System. You don't want him to put the books back on the shelves. - Counterpoint. - What if this guard secretly wants to be a librarian? - Oh my God. - And this is like his day made. I feel like that would be fun. - Do we need to roll for it?

- Do we need to roll for it? - I guess we can roll for it, but I'll do that. - Then we can take over when we go on an adventure. - I'll do that on one condition. When we recap things in the future, I do not want to hear the phrase, "Here's a gun." Like, I don't, like, I feel like that's going to start creeping its way in. And I just want to- - I'm just saying the word gun was mentioned in the episode. - I'm sure it was, but it's like a ha ha. It's like a yuckity-duck. Not like a, not like a real, you know what I mean? Like, but let's do this. How about this?

If I roll a 15 through 20, then this person secretly always wanted to be a librarian. And he just got sucked up. His dad was a cop, maybe. I don't know. He just got kind of sucked up into it. But let's see. - I deleted the gun from my inventory. - Oh! - It's a four. It's a four. No, this dude, this dude could not, could not be less interested in organizing your shit for you while you're gone. So he's going to make sure that no one loots. And you're going to get back and it's fine. - Is he just as exhausted as G? Is he like trying to strike opportunities to like take a nap?

- I don't, I mean, I don't, I don't think he's lazy necessarily. More just like, it's like, okay, I have other things to do. I paperwork or something. Like I, you know, like I've been standing here for an hour. Chop, chop, let's go. So yeah, Calypso could have been in there the entire time. And like, he wouldn't know or care if that helps. - So we're going? - Good. - Are we at the library? - You are killing me. - What? Well, wait, no, cause like are we walking to the library? Is anyone going to have a conversation? - You tell me! - I don't know. Okay, no one's having a conversation.

We go to the library. I look at that guard in the face and I tell him, "Thank you, sir, I'm here now, you can leave." And I walk into my library. - The library. What's, what is, what is it? - I'll be the DM, I'll do it. I'm like coming very hard right now. Wait, I'm not, I didn't say that. - Okay, good, cause I had one loaded in the chamber, Val. Cause I'm really glad you walked it back, thank you. - And there's another TikTok. - Oh no. - Man, this is like gold. - Oh, it's like that. Okay. - The assertiveness is doing it for me, Valerie. So, the only one. - All right.

- Let's all take a breather. Let's take a step back. - Yes, mommy. - Ah, okay. - I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take this back one step and we're gonna walk on up to the door and just, inertia is gonna take you the rest of the way. So, you guys are going to walk back to the city. Again, this guy's just standing guard. He's not, you know, he's not working, working the counter or anything like that, but he sees you come back and it's like, all right, ma'am. And just like, he's got other things to do. So, the three of you now can walk into the library freely.

There's, there's no weird stuff, no guns, no nothing. And then, boom. Hey, let me ask you a question. What's Calypso looking for this entire time? 'Cause you've had free run of the library for like an hour. So like. - Oh, yeah. So, like, those are like blueprints and stuff. And I think, gosh, there was like some sort of book of history or newspapers or something. I don't remember exactly that we were looking at that had like information on the mansion. Yeah, like they're just like still like looking through that, like, like, like they just, yeah. Like, it's like, they just went back to like looking through all that stuff and, you know.

- So you had a, yeah. - First episode. I'm sorry, Gils. - Hmm? - I should have listened to the first episode. I didn't have those notes for you. - I do have those notes as I did write those ones down. Let's see, hold on. Let me see what I have for, I don't know, they're extremely detailed. I have the note, I said, Rolfo, then Heartstone Manor, question mark, question mark, question mark, Abernathy, question mark, question mark. And then rich guy that went out there, music Academy, question mark. - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. - So that's terrible. - I know there was three blueprints.

One was the original, one was one that had sections missing and one was another one. - Because when the, yeah, it's like the rich guy that was like, took it over and turned it into like a music Academy. There's like some additions and stuff made and. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, okay. Third one is the one that has stuff missing. Gotcha. Well, if Calypso's at that stuff, then we're gonna walk in and see them right there. - Oh yeah, no. - Yeah, there you are. - Like for all intents and purposes, they should look at someone just like, like a casual, like perusing the library, just, you know, like a normal patient.

Like they are not like, they're just going back to their business and like, and keeping an eye out for the library, you know, while they're at it, but it's like, they're not doing anything like suspicious. So they just like, look up at, as you guys enter, just like, hello Matilda, you're back. And you brought a fancy boy and his friend too. - Yeah, Matilda will say, yes, we were looking for you actually. The town guard wants to talk to you. - Oh, their face can like, like slight little grimace at that. Just, well, I hoped I would be able to get out of that, but if I must, so where were you?

- Yes, you must. I need to get my belongings back. And apparently you're the one who can help. - I'm not sure exactly what more I could do for you in those regards, but we'll see what I can do. - I feel like as you guys are talking, like you haven't even gotten to the, and my name is this, not fancy boy, like you haven't even gotten to that, but there's like that, that bring bring, that little bell over the door and fucking Slenderman walks in with rat friend. - Oh no, I'm way more stealthy than that. (laughing) Or at least I want to try to be. - Okay, give me a stealth check.

If that's how you want to, you just want to like pad in. Cause like. - Yeah, yeah. If I see like a group of people, I just kind of want to like make my way. I see that there's books. Okay, that's what I'm looking for. Stealth, how would I do that that way? - Oh, you go to the skills tab. - I click this. - And then you click on the skill name itself. - Got it. - And hit normal. - Normal, okay. - Nine. So like you didn't Kramer your way in there or anything, but like you still like, you know, the little little bell might go off or something, but. - Dang it. - Like it's still like, it's, it's kind of hard not to have it go off.

Like it's there to keep, you know, people. - I wasn't prepared for it. - And Mattel is highly attuned to that noise. - I do my level best to try and like turn around to the wall and just like be nonchalant. - Do you still have the thing over you? Like your fucking Quasimodo coming in or like, do you? - Yeah, oh yeah. - Okay. - Yeah, like hooded, yeah. - Yeah, okay. - Well, Mattel will turn around from everyone else and see you and go, oh, library's very popular today. Hi, can I help you? - I turn around. - Did we all see the Thedyn Marine? - That was gonna be my question.

I couldn't remember if I was conscious of that, but the point that I saw him doing something or if I found him creeping or if it was my imagination. - So we saw them, I think. - They were, yeah. - In the parade. - So, box seat. Folks in the box seats definitely saw. And I feel like in between Dagon and Fenris like slipping in and out of consciousness, maybe like caught a glimpse, you know what I mean? Like you definitely didn't get acquainted or anything, but probably, like he stands out, right? Like, I don't wanna say it, but like he, it's like, oh yeah, I remember that face.

You know? - So what I thought was maybe like me going into concussion and passing out and like a fever dream was actually real. - Yeah, Calypso like brightens up when they walked in and they actually put up a smile and just, oh, and you're back too, that's excellent. I was gonna try and see if I could seek you out later. And well, hey, look, fancy boy, your second witness that you were looking for is here. - I look over at Dagon. - They're not gonna address you by anything else until you give them your name. - I love that there's absolutely no, hi, my name is, it's your fault, it's on you.

Like you just. - First rule of brightening things. - I don't know what any of that is about. So I just kind of look over top of Matilda's head and just kind of like give a polite nod and then like reach into my pack and pull out a little piece of slate and chalk. And he writes, I'm looking for books and hold it up to Matilda. - Okay, Matilda will read that so well. You've come to the right place then. Is there anything in particular you're looking for? - Fenris is gonna be like, guys, wait a minute. Is no one else at least a little bit taken aback? Or is it, am I missing something?

- Wow, racist. - You guys know him? - I mean, this is a patron of my library. I'm kind to all creatures. I just was unconscious and got my ass kicked. I'm kind of hoping that this is not gonna happen again. So I'm just being cautious and I'd like to. - Are you afraid of rodents? - Is it the rat? Are you afraid of rodents? - I feel like the rat is still like under the, like it's still. - Yes, I write for Matilda, I'm doing my best to try and like not make eye contact with Dagon or Fenris at this point. Just kind of like pulling the hood as best as I can. And I write the books that he needs, rats.

And then that's at that point that Dumpy sort of like, pops out under the top of the hood, it's like the little snoot kind of wiggling around. - Oh, hello. - I wanna do something. I, so, okay. Ian, I want you to roll for penmanship. And I'm speaking as a person who has terrible penmanship. So every time we had a whiteboard had in the house with all the projects and I got tired of writing on it because every time my wife would come in and go, what's gurpado flop? It's like, no, that's not what it says. Like it's just doing it to get under my skin. And I have terrible penmanship compared to her and she knows it.

And then she's fucking writes an elven or something like it's beautiful. Fucking, so. - The good news is I know thieves can. - On a scale of one to 10, give me a- - It's sounding like this role is not about me at all. - No, there's less and less about. Yeah, no, I think I have things to work out guys. - Do you know how this is like the one way this character can communicate with most people? That feels like- - Well, okay, yes, but that's not how he was raised to communicate, you know what I mean? So he's writing on the- - I'm not saying if he rolls a one, like what's our situation gonna be like?

- Well, it's not like he doesn't know how to spell. It's just the penmanship's a little bad and sometimes that's gonna come up. But on a scale of one to 10, let's see what it's like. - What would you like me to roll? - A D 10, please. Just a good old D 10. The higher the roll, the more elegant the penmanship. - Oh shit. - Oh, it's doctor handwriting. - Ooh. Shush Kelsey, just- - I didn't say anything. - I think there are lots of scrolls that are handwritten most likely in this library. And Matilda has become very good at discerning handwriting. - I think the people who write scrolls were probably academics who spent a long time studying magic.

- Doctor's notes. - I'm just saying, I don't know. You thought you had a gun earlier. I don't know. I'm trying to work out. (all laughing) Also, I think we can all agree Kelsey's negativity influenced that last roll. I think we can all agree. - So we'll keep it short and we'll keep it big blocky letters. - Yeah, like I think, yeah. So it's very like, okay, if you handed me a tiny chalkboard and it was like right on it and your life depends on it, it's the only way you can communicate. First of all, it's gonna look lousy. 'Cause it's chalk. Like it's hard to be elegant with chalk.

Like it's kind of, it's bunchy. I can't even do it with a marker. - Bunchy? - So like it's bunchy. Like it feels the friction. I don't know. It's like the friction of it makes it hard to like, eh. So like this poor guy has got to walk around and it's like, boops. So like maybe he even grips the chalk like it's a goddamn knife he's attacking the chalkboard with. Like with a one, that's pretty bad. But that may come up later where every once in a while, like the more detailed the message, of course, like you're playing telephone. Like it's like, I understood every third word, buddy.

I don't know. I see the. - That's awesome. - He's writing in cursive. - Oh my gosh. I used to have such good cursive handwriting. And then my friends next grade up couldn't be cursive so that they made me not write in it. And then my non cursive handwriting is ugly and I'm very, I'm so upset about this from like sixth grade. - I never mastered this in cursive. I never mastered it. It never looked good. Like I could never make it look good. - Not to derail too much, but I had a grandmother and she would write these like very loving notes on like birthdays and holidays and send them.

And her handwriting was so atrocious and terrible. And it was so tiny. And I would literally spend like 20 minutes like trying to decipher what my grandmother had written to me and I'm like, thinking of you. Oh, even it was so, and like you have to read it because that's what you're gonna talk about the next time you talk to your grandmother. - Oh yeah, no. - I saved every card. It always feels bad to throw away cards. I'm not a card guy, but it's like, I gotta save all these. So I have a box of like cards. Even some of them from you guys. I still have a giant penis Kelsey sent me.

Like I keep all that stuff. You sent me a giant penis once. Don't tell me you have no memory of this. It was a housewarming gift. My, okay, apparently that penis meant a lot more to me than it did you. - No, wait, I have like have vague memories of this. Yeah, no, that was, God. - No, it's too late now. The moment has passed. - That was so long ago. - It's been blown. - Okay. - Okay. - I completely forgot about that. - If anyone wants to see something interesting, if you look at cursive versus Russian cursive, that's something you should look up sometime. - So books.

- So rats. - So Dagon, Dagon's gonna turn and look at the thedian and say, are you aware that you smell like rubbish and urine? - Question, do Dagon and Fenris smell much better since they were beat up in an alleyway? - I don't. Well, okay. - I mean, not like probably not as bad, but like, - They smell. - They're not like roses anymore. - They're cleaned up. - They're definitely, like, they probably got a wet cloth and stuff. They, like, they're way cleaner than bittersweet. Like way cleaner. Like it's like, if anyone's drawing attention, you know, every sense is being affected by, you know what I mean?

Like it's, it's probably that. - And my outfit might be all not, it's still like a ruffled suit, not fancy suit, but smell is something that Fenris would make sure is, at least whether or not he takes flowers or something to make sure he smells good. Cause he knows people are easily turned away and don't buy from you or pay attention much if you don't smell enough to stand next to. - Sure. - I think now that, now that he's been spotted and it's kind of like, there's, there's no getting out of this. He kind of like, I guess he goes up to Dagon with his little slate and he, he like smudges out what he's written and he, and he writes, "It seems you're alive after being savagely beaten." Good.

- Coves up, like, covers up, like, laugh like they're late. So. - I'm torn, I'm torn. Hold on one second. - And yes, he smells even worse up close. - I'm torn on something. Do I make it a role with that one being a modifier to anybody who's trying to read this handwriting? So it's based on- - That's gonna get old so fast. - That's kind of what I was thinking, but at the same time, I guess I just assumed the worst. - We could all just set and see what it is like, as like once to set like what the bar is for us. - I think that's good. I think that's good. And maybe it gets a little better over time.

Like you, like you, okay. - Approve. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So you're used to somebody's hand. - Can we each roll individually so like each person can like decipher different things? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, so what are we rolling? - So here's what we're, well, here's what we're gonna do. I'm going to say, let's say perception with disadvantage. - Perception with disadvantage. How do we do that? - If you click on, ooh. If you just click on perception, it'll ask you whether it's like, is it a normal roll? Is it with advantage, disadvantage? That type of thing.

- Oh, I can read it fine. - Oh, wow. Oh, Matilda's doing pretty well too. - So they didn't keep reading your own handwriting? (laughing) - Why'd you roll? (laughing) - You just wanted to be part of this? - I just wanted to see for-- - Wait a second. - Just wanna roll dice. (laughing) - So, yeah, of the group, Matilda and Dagon, Dagon having like the best understanding. So even that with a one, like every once in a while, there's gonna be a word. It's like, did you ask if I got eaten? Like it's one of those things where you're trying to read the thing and it's like, but like, for the most part, you're like, yeah, I get what he's saying.

I pick up what he's putting down. - Yeah, so Dagon, I'll look at this slate and just be like, and then look up at the thing and be like, you do know like a shot in the back. (soft music) It's not like I could see that coming. - Yeah, he'll look at Dagon and then sort of turn to Fenris and just go, and you as well, right on his slate. I'm sorry, I couldn't do more for you. - Fenris looks at him and actually has like a smile and actually it's like a thought. And then it's, hold out his hand and says, hi, I'm Fenris. - He shakes your hand and yeah, nods. - And I said, it's okay, just another day in Brightport.

(soft music) Dagon will just turn around back to Calypso. My name is Dagon and we must go see the guards now. - Wait, so did Matilda like go to get books, Valerie? Sorry, just I saw your message. - Yeah, this is like, Matilda's back on the clock. So she's like, she's gonna do her job. Someone asked about rat books. She's going to collect some rat books. - Do you have rat books? - I think there's like encyclopedia type books about like animals at the very least. - If you're going, yeah, the Thetan will follow you. Just sort of like, well, he'll start to follow you and then he'll stop at Calypso and write.

And I saw you, you did nothing. - You write that out? Like, did you, like you? - Yeah, with a one, it's terrible. At this point now it's all smudged, right? 'Cause it's like wiping stuff off. - You need that wet sponge to like everyone's to walk by and clean it off. (laughing) - Just rub it off in his armpit. - Does that mean your sleeves are constantly caked in chalk? You got to go outside every once in a while and it's like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, and just like. (laughing) - Oh, I like that, chalky hands maybe. - Yeah. (laughing) - I like that, yeah. - I had a professor that was covered in chalk constantly.

He made a hand print on my desk once. - Like the white hand of Saruman? Like he marked it? - Yeah. - Like it's, oh shit. - Yeah, 'cause he sat down right in front of me and leaned on my desk. - That's kind of metal though. - And he put his hand up and it was just a white hand print. (laughing) - Calypso just like smiles and it's bright for it. I don't know if you're new here, but well, I've tried the hero thing once. It doesn't really end well most of the time. Then they look back at Dagon and just me or are all five of us supposed to return back to the city watch?

- Pretty sure it's all of us. At least I don't want Jun, I don't want, here do that. I don't want G to make her shoot me in the neck. As is the condition of our current contract. - Calypso just raises an eyebrow and does not comment. (laughing) - Oh yeah, they weren't there for that conversation. (laughing) - Well then maybe we should get on our way before we can come back for the rat books after and that's not to keep the guards waiting. (laughing) - Oh man, the rat books are gonna be like mapping that keep. We're never gonna get back to the rat books are we?

(laughing) Like in four years from now, but what about the rat books? (laughing) - Wait, well, I don't have to go to the guards, right? - We are not splitting this fucking party again, no. - No, yeah, see. - The rat books. - Take them with you, just grab them. They're meant to be borrowed. - You need to check those out. - Shut up. (laughing) - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As he's walking out, like just the books. - Excuse me? - No, he's a witness, so I think Dagon would insist that he come to. - He writes, I don't wanna deal with the law. And he looks at Calypso and writes, it's Brightport.

- Yeah, so neither do I, but. - Then deal with me and I'll relay your message. (laughing) He writes, who are you? - Yeah, Calypso just gets this like grin. It's like, they're like picturing like probably how that would go and just, they are very clearly like not taking Dagon seriously at all, but they're like, Dagon seriously at all. Like if they're gonna make that. (laughing) - Fenris looks over also and says, most of the time, most of the guards, I would agree. It's Brightport. But this guy, I think it'd be fine. I don't think there's gonna be any issues.

He's not gonna go after it. He's got a big other issue, big eye trying to get him. Big eye trying to robot thing to take care of instead of you. So I think there's bigger problems and I really need to get this guy's stuff back so that we can all get back to what we wanna do and not get shot and do what we wanna do and make things happen. So we could just get this done. It won't be too bad. And then everyone can be happy. I can help keep you out of the limelight as it were, whatever pole I may still have left. I'm happy to get you a bath or something to eat afterwards too, if you'd like.

Let's roll in this together it seems. - Oh, when you say that, he says, he writes, bath and meal for me? And dumpy. - Dumpy twerks. - That means he's angry, right? - No, that's guinea pigs. Guinea pigs. - Rats do the little like the eye goggle thing when they're happy. - Eye goggle thing. - Yeah, their eyes kind of like vibrate. It's a weird thing about rats. - I'll have to look that up. I'll look it up. - Yeah. - Did he write down dumpy? Is the name out now? - Yeah. - And we're like, who's dumpy? - Dumpy comes out. Dumpy comes out running down the arm and puts a little rat hand over dumpy.

- Oh, Calypsus will just like, they're like literally like kind of like charmed by this and just, yes, I will be very honored to make sure that dumpy is taken care of. - That explains the urine. - So I wouldn't use presidigitation, but so I have two options. It's a decantrip spell, which does like a bunch of different things. So my first thing that I could do is it says that I can clean or soil an object in a larger than one cubic foot. So I was thinking I could like help try and like start cleaning up the fade and or dumpy, or I could also, it says produce an odd odor.

So I was thinking of making it an even worse odor, just like a float by Dagon specifically. - Oh, I thought it's like, well now you stink differently. Like I thought I was gonna be the. - No, no, it was so much. So I don't know what option to go for is the problem. So I think it should be just one or the other. - Were you gonna. - I'm gonna clean dumpy. I think that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna offer that to the fade and just, I could use magic to at least get the start on cleaning your friend here, if that's acceptable. I don't wanna scare them. - He eyes you suspiciously at first, but then he brings the slate with dumpy on it, sitting on top of his chalked name, holding it out to you, his spiky long arm.

- They will like, they're not like, while like you're still like holding it, 'cause they don't wanna like take it, just kind of like put their hand on the slate and sort of like mutter a few boards and elven probably, and this like light sort of gold, like color kind of like moves over the slate and dumpy and they're now sparkling clean. - Yay, dumpy the clean red. - You imagine. - He writes thank you. - I would imagine like bits of fur matted and stuff like that, 'cause you think of it's life on the road, like it's tough. So like now it's just like, his fur's all conditioned, it's softer than he's ever been.

Oh man, just, and. - That's champion commercial. - Yet clearly the best smelling thing in that vicinity. Like, but almost. - He seems very excited, he seems very excited and happy about it as much as a rat can communicate that. - If you get in real quick, you get some of that fresh rat smell, like it's right off the showroom floor. - So Matilda, I think was yelling at Dagon, that was what was happening. - Yes, Matilda turns to Dagon and she goes, what do you think gives you the right to talk to people that way? - Look at me. (laughing) I'm an Aladrin, I come from Odysseia.

- Oh, so you're not even one of the important Aladrin. - Mic drop. - So important. He'll cast a glance, you're lucky you're an elf. - So that is a big sticking point. With the two camps of Aladrin. Because the Aladrin who live in Onakol are the originals, like they are, for all intents and purposes, real, we'll call them. And the magically produced copies of the Aladrin live in the original home city of the Aladrin. And they are essentially living like they did years ago when they ruled the roost. So both camps consider themselves the most original and they both kind of have a point, but they're both tremendous dicks about it.

- One camp has existing trade connections and stuff, with right port though is the thing. (laughing) It's more of a actual presence in the world economics at the current moment. So that's kind of plain. (laughing) - Dagon's gonna look back at Matilda and be like, "So you know the situation, Onakol Odysseia. Well, let me tell you that my other self saved this planet. If it wasn't for him, none of you would be here. So in a roundabout way, you owe me." (laughing) - I'm gonna pull out my dagger, and then I've got to spin it around my hands. And I'm gonna look at Dagon.

I don't owe anyone anything. - It got really tense in here all of a sudden, real tense. - I look over at Matilda with sort of a look like, "Is this what normally happens in a library?" (laughing) - In this library, I mean. (laughing) - Probably not the first time she has to tell someone off for being too loud. - No one's bleeding in the libraries. Like that's probably a pretty good day. - I think Dagon will just be kind of stewing at this point. - Too lucky I couldn't write that letter. Actually, he's gonna point at Galipsa. I don't know if he knows their name yet.

- I don't think they... Oh no, they have like, wow, like that first argument, they told the thed in their name, they introduced themselves to the theme. - It's been said aloud. - But not necessarily to Dagon, I don't think. - And what do you even remember? I don't know. - Yeah. - Right. - That's fine. - Like they're not talking about me or to me, so it doesn't matter. - You look at Calypso and point, "You work here. Can you get me some parchment?" - No, I work here. (laughing) - No, I work here. (laughing) - Well, they were here when we got here. - It's a public library.

- Whatever, I need parchment. I need to send a glowing review of this wonderful city. - Oh, you would not be the first one, believe me. Or just hear me out here. We go back, talk to G, and get your stuff back. And then you can write whatever you want. - That sounds like a wonderful idea, at least the first part of things. After all, we again don't want to make the god any more impatient than they probably already are. So shall we get on our merry little way? (soft music) - Yeah, take on a little bow and gesture towards the door. After you. - Fenris walks out the door.

(laughing) - So yeah, I guess we're going back to the garden. - It's the first activity. Yeah, it is the first activity you've done as a group. So that's something. - I love our dynamic, it's great. - Is that guard still outside? - No, no, it's gonna be watching the library again. - Lock the goddamn door. - Yeah, what happens at night? You have to lock up. - Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, I'll lock up the library. But I want a side story of a little boy who's the library's only happy place. And he tries to get out, and it's locked. - He gets locked in there and has his own adventure.

- You have so many details about the library. - He gets sucked into magic books and has adventure after adventure. - Make it a TikTok. - Jesus God, okay. - I'm passionate about my library. - Okay, we'll come back to all that. Here's what I wanna do. I wanna get a travel roll. Now, here's the thing. - It was like a block away. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You could travel, guy. - But here's the thing, it's Brightport. And you got to walk there for free the last time. But like, I wanna see, now this isn't for like something incredibly bad. What I want is a D8 from somebody.

That's it, just a D8. - Anyone? - Well, who did the walk in Fenris? - Sure, unless someone else wants to go, I'll do it. - No, Michael, let's go. - Kelsey, we're the only ones watching each other. - We got this. - Everyone watching on YouTube, you know it's a... - Roll, roll. - I love chaos, so this is not a problem. - Five, okay, so. - It's pretty good for Brightport. - We make it five steps before we get attacked. (all laughing) - So what we're gonna do, I've decided, what we're gonna do is this, because it's approaching midnight. Like it's rounding the bases towards midnight.

And what I'd like to do is I'm going to set this up for you and tell you exactly what's going to happen. And we have a session later this month, right? We're doing two this month, like we're going nuts. - We're gonna try again next week, I think. - Yeah. - Yeah. - So what we're gonna do is combine those two sessions into a mega episode. - Let's say mega. - So you guys are going to be walking back to Fine Gal and Dad and like the events of today have been either violent or tedious, it feels like. Like it's pinballing back and forth between those two things.

But as you guys are walking past this slightly rowdier bar called the Rusty Nipple, it is a fairly famous brothel. And it's usually kind of a source of a lot of noise and like a lot of, like it's been known to have its fair share of fistfights, that type of thing. So usually people kind of cross the street and avoid it. But can I get a perception roll from everybody here, please? (soft music) - Oof, good doof. Oh shit, okay. - Oh, 24, it's on a crit. - Oh God. So- - Dagon's probably trying to clean dirt out of his clothes. - Litzo's definitely gonna notice this, but in like a distant second, Matilda will probably pick up on it too.

But there's a group that's being crazy annoying, like big boisterous laughter that's like, ha ha. Like they're almost, you could see the word spelled out as he's like throwing his head back. They're being super loud, they're getting drunk and like they are absolutely familiar. And that is the people that jumped Dagon and Fenris earlier. And they are celebrating and laughing and drinking their ass off. Then I'm gonna do, and we're back. Oh my God. It has been a week, but has not been a week for you lovely folks out there. So I almost called it the titty twister, but you are right outside of the rusty nipple.

- That's one of their specialty drinks. - I think I had that at dragon con, not this year. - Oh, the milky moo. Moo moo, mother's moo milk. (all laughing) - That one's the last one. - If you go to dragon con and in certain hotels, you can get the milky moo moo. Like I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do. - More of like a private room party thing. - Right, yeah. Certain floors, you know, they, you know. - Creamium plan. (all laughing) - Creamium. - So you're outside this bar. Creamium, dammit. - God dammit. God dammit. - Creamium. - I quit, I'm out. I quit. (all laughing) Can't top it.

- So you're right outside this bar. These are the people who wronged, you know, the ones of you who got, you know, beat up. They're right there and they look fairly inebriated. Like I said, like they, now two of you have spotted this. I believe it was the two of you who had no, no fighting with these guys yet, none fighting. - I think that's beautiful. - Matilda and Calypso are the only two who have spotted these guys. So as you're walking down the street here and like you're looking through the window of this tavern and it's like, oh, they're good. 'Cause there's a couple of them that kind of stick out, right, big, rough and tumble dudes.

Like I'd like to think they were large considering how effortlessly like they, like one punched a couple of people. Like you have to be pretty big to, you know, 'cause Dagon's fit. He's not, you know, he's lean. He's lean muscle, he's got a swimmer's build. That's probably what he did. - He's a twink. - He's a twink. - He's a child. - He's not. - It's still a twink. - He's not a child, he's a teenager. - He can't say that. - Teenager. - Yeah. - Look at this, I mean, it is what it is. Like he's not that long-roared. - He hasn't quite filled in yet. Yeah, we get it.

- Right, think of it as like the person Dewey Decimal System. We all get filed under something. - Wait, filled in yet? How filled in was adult Dagon? 'Cause I never got the impression that he was a particularly girthy. - Oh, he was girthy in all the right places. - He was a twunk. Yeah, did we not, like he was a wall. Did we not describe that? - I mean, he was taller. - He hit it with layer. - That doesn't help. - And older, presumably. - So he filled in, just up. - Yeah. - He wore robes. - He didn't notice any of that 'cause, like he was a little bit, like he didn't have the best posture.

He was kind of weighed over from all the angst. (laughs) - He was weathered, that guy. - All kidding aside, do you know what I picture? I picture the kid with the big glasses in, oh my God, the sandlot. Like I picture like, where like he fakes being unconscious to get the lifeguard to come out. Remember that kid? Like that gawky, like that kid, which scene hasn't aged all that well. But you know, like I picture that build, like maybe a little taller 'cause he's elven. - I don't know who you're talking about 'cause I haven't seen the sandlot. - That's fair.

- But I'll go with it. - You haven't seen the sandlot. - I know. - You didn't watch that in like PE whenever the teacher doesn't like to read anything. 'Cause that's what I watched. - I think I watched the Where Are They Now for the sandlot like a couple months ago. - Catch up with those characters from that movie I never saw. (laughs) - It must have been a boring day. (laughs) - Anywho, it's okay, I've never seen Goonies. So let's talk about what you guys do when you see these guys hanging out. Like, is there a- - Hold on. - Oh, hold on a second. - Hold on, hold on.

You've never seen Goonies? - Never appealed to me. It looked kind of crappy. I'm sorry. I'm just- - I can't believe I've seen like a classic- - It's like a D&D game, Goonies. - Okay, that's fine. I don't judge. - Anyway, so Calypso's gonna kind of like, like makes like eye contact with Matilda and sort of like puts their finger up to their lips for a second, like, and just kind of like motions like towards like where they're heading kind of like this is like, walk a little bit a ways from here before we like talk to the group about it, you know? - Yeah.

Matilda's gonna like put her hands up, like how is he gonna say anything? - Yeah, unless somebody points it out with that perception roll, which I believe was a five, Dagon's not gonna notice. They gotta go with it. - 'Cause I mean, it does make sense. Like Dagon's not used to this big city environment. There's lots of, and if you get jumped, you're probably like, what was that sound? Who's that? What are you doing? Like you're just kind of like, head on a swivel, you know? So let's say you get down the street a little bit, you get a little distance from these guys and then...

- Then Calypso's actually gonna like kind of like, like gently kind of like, not like grab a little, like put their arm, put their hand on Fenris's arm and kind of like, like, sort of like a side towards them and Matilda. Just, did she notice who we passed back there? - Look at my, the arm, look at you like, no. Do they owe you money? Sorry, it's the first thing you jump to. I love Brightport. Yeah, no, it's, they don't owe me money, but they kind of look towards Dagon and just, they seemed familiar. - Fenris like, raises his eyebrows and like, thinking he knows where he's going, but he's waiting for the actual words to be like, are you playing me?

Like, okay, what's, I do this all the time. What is it this time? What's the punchline? - So we could either go towards the guard and make a big fuss of it, or we could, you know, maybe get everyone's things back now and cut through all the noise. Then they look at Matilda to see what her thoughts on this are, 'cause she's also kind of now involved. - Well, Matilda, her eyes, like when you're saying that her eyes are kind of, start to get a little bit bigger because she's a law abiding citizen of Brightport, which seems like an oxymoron in and of itself.

(laughing) And so I think she'll say, but we know where they are. Isn't this the perfect time to get the guards? - But G looks really, I don't know. Do you see G? I mean, do you think, also they might take some of this stuff back. We might not get it all back. - Also plus it's a- - What are we going to do? 'Cause I remember what happened last time and I don't remember seeing you, but you're a part of this. - Well, I am now. But I was thinking I'm, you know, could, I mean, you're good at what you do, I presume. And I could help out. I have some magic that might make things a bit more easier, especially depending on how deep into their cups they actually were.

- I can't tell if you're setting me up again or if it's a brilliant plan, continue. (laughing) - Oh, the best plans are the ones that you can't tell. (laughing) - No, that was pretty much the gist of it. Again, if we can get, just show up for the garden, oh, we actually got the stuff back, everything's good to go. We can all be on our separate ways. Don't have to deal with you. And you don't have to get involved in what seems like a pretty well established place that might not actually be able to get involved in. I'm not sure what the politics are regarding that, but I just make everything so much easier if we could just take care of it.

And plus we could help make better friends with your new acquaintance. (laughing) - But by the way, did Testagan and/or the Thedan notice that we've stopped and he pursued it by walking? - I think, yeah, go ahead James. - I was just kind of thinking maybe you pulled him aside a bit, so I wasn't sure if he was hearing this or not. - I think this is like, oh, let me talk to him real quick. Like I figured you guys were just stopping just for a second and it, you know. - I think that Thedan is watching Dagon. You know when you set a child loose on a playground and they're having an adventure and being independent and doing their thing, but you're watching them with caution to make sure that they don't kill themselves?

I think that's what Thedan is doing is just silently making sure Dagon is not getting killed. - Which shows his character, considering Dagon insulted him right to his face, but that's good, that's good. - That cannot be the first time he was insulted. (laughing) - No, no, likely not. - Why do you smell like refuse in your in-house? - This is right, Port. - Actually, you're right. (laughing) - Yeah, it wasn't accurate. - I know, what, ouch. Fuck all I can do about it, but hey. (laughing) - So you've probably got a few more seconds before Dagon would get bored or something like that.

If this is like, oh, I need to ask for directions, or oh, you know what I mean? You've probably got a few more seconds to learn. - We're just chatting and Dagon is just continuing to walk. - But he's also probably trying to get little stains out of his clothes too, like, you know, like. So he's probably preoccupied. - I'm just sort of like pulling you out of the way of walking into stuff as you're doing that, like in front of barrels and things, just like slightly nudging. - I'll have to get him the kid leash. (laughing) - Yes. - Jason, how far away is the, excuse me, how, where is the guard station in reference to like where we are now?

Like how far away is it? - You've probably got another, like, I don't know, 50 minutes of walking somewhere in there. - Okay, so it's still a little bit. - Yeah. - Yeah. Big old city. - Matilda, if you want, you could go with Dagon and our Thedan friend and, talk to the guard while we're seeing if we can deal with this now, or we could all just wait. I'm just offering an option. I'm not sure which one's the best. - Well, there's no guarantee we'll get everything, but five coins cut is worse than two coins hidden. So a little gain is better than no gain. (soft music) - I mean, we can always- - Do you guys wanna play a little, do you wanna play a little game?

- Sure. - Would you like to play a game? - On a scale of one to 10, let's see how drunk these guys are. Like how, like how long have they been here doing this? Right? And what we're gonna do is, we're gonna put it in a dice tower and you're not gonna know, but the people at home will know. - Oh no, I don't like that. - You don't like not knowing? - Are you gonna edit it in for everyone who's listening only? - No, it's fine. It makes sense that we shouldn't know this. Okay, so also my character sheet is still not updated, but I know him. - Same, yeah. - Oh, mine is, mine's good.

- Do I need to like refresh maybe? - Beep, beep. - Oh, is that from me? Can you hear that? Oh yeah, but whatever. It's a few of them between. - Oh wait, now there's an error importing the character. Oh no. - Hold on. Why? (sighs) - We haven't got all our hit points back though, have we? Or did we when we leveled up? - I mean, we should when we level up, is that not right? - You get all the new hit points that you get, but you don't regain all the hit points that, yeah. If that makes sense. - So I should be at 10 out of 11 then? - Yeah, somewhere in there, yeah.

So why, hold on. Let's try this again. Let me spend a hit die then. This new hit die. (soft music) (sighs) (soft music) Why won't it, why won't it import your characters? Come on. (soft music) - The tilt is fine. - Yeah. (soft music) - Matilda hacked the system. - Let's try this. (sniffs) - Matilda is also the ice tea person at the library. - Ice tea person? - I-tea, listen. - I-tea, I thought you said ice tea. - I mumbled. It wasn't a clear cut. Right, clear line. - At first I thought it was like ice tea, the rapper slash actor, but then maybe like you just hand out ice tea at the library.

- I'm just bringing that up. - Also, I just wanted everyone to know that it gives ice tea to everyone. - It's very kind. - Hot days in Brentport. - Okay. You know what? - I'm sorry. - No, no, no, it's fine. I'm not doing this though. Like we're not, we're not allowing this to, to mess up our good time. Not gonna do that. So I'm deleting that character. That character no longer exists. - Damn, Kelsey's no longer on the show. What the heck? - Yeah, sorry, Kelsey. - Bye guys. - See ya. - Yeah. - That's harsh. - See you later. - Harsh but fair, harsh but fair. (all laughing) - Wow Ian, what did I do to you?

- So is it a dumb idea to split the party? - Yes. - I'd say so, yes. - I just, I just feel like Matilda wants to go get the guards. I don't know. - You do you. You gotta do you. - What's the worst that can happen from splitting your fighting force? - Well, I'm thinking also- - Well also the idea is that Fenris is gonna go in there and see what he can do while invisible, like grab as much as he can. And if he gets spotted, then Fenris runs away. Fenris, without Dagon holding him down, I imagine he's probably pretty good at that. So it's blatant. - Okay. - That's the whole idea.

- You should be, you should be good now. - Yep. - I just updated it to reduce my health, what it should be and my spell slot that I used during the last fight. Cause it happened in a day. So it should be good. - I don't see a character. - I'll kill you. Hold on. - That's fair. - No. Hold on. - Oh. - How about now? - Yay. - Okay. Okay. We did it everybody. Mission accomplished. (mimics trumpet) - You're back in the group. - Hey, welcome back. - Which is also fair. - And we did miss you. - So, so are we splitting the party? Am I understanding this correctly? - No. - We're just about to roll for.

- Let's roll for drunkenness first and then we'll. - How drunk? Yes. - Oh, okay. Okay. That's fair. Let's see. So this has gotta be, who wants to do it? Who wants to do it? - I'll do it. - You know what? I think, okay. I was gonna say, I think it should be either James or Ian, because you guys got the hot hand. You both rolled max, max health for the level up. So. - We could. - So if you go down to the chat box all the way at the bottom. James, it'll say blind, I guess blind GM role, I guess pick that one. - Okay. - Or private GM role. - No, I think private GM role might be that it shows them then.

- Yeah. - A blind would be that James can't see it either. - See. - Presumably. - Maybe. Well, we'll see. - We'll find out together. - Yeah, shit, I don't know. - Which one blind or private? - I think blind. - Private would just. - Private. - Private would be just for me, right? - Oh, does it say that? - Well, I don't know. - Private would be James and Jason. - Try blind first, see what happens. - Try blind. - Okay. - Let's see what happens. - Test die. - And then just give me a D 10. - Yeah. - I have question marks. - I have a question marks. - I've privately rolled some dice.

- Yeah. - Okay. - Can you see it? - Oh, I saw it. - I can't see it. - Yeah, I'm good. - Okay, yeah, so that's what that option is, cool. - We figured it out. - Okay, so I see it. - Are we going with that one then or is that just? - We're going with that one. - Okay. - We've worked perfectly, why mess with success? - Okay, okay. - All right then, so are we doing this? - Yes, by this, can you explain what you want exactly? Do you want me to go in? Are you going to do some magic fun and then I get to play with it? - Yes, I can turn you invisible. It's for around an hour or so.

- I think that's all I want. - Funny, it's like 30, 60 seconds. - Yeah, I think it's an hour. - Like an hour. - It's not greater invisibility. - Yeah, it will wear off if you cast your own spell or attack something. So if you have anything you want to do beforehand, do it now, but then see how much you can grab and if someone picks up on it, run away. - If you have to use the bathroom, do it now. - This is more your field than mine, so if this isn't actually helpful, then feel free to speak up. Just, it's a thought. - Now, if I just, if I say do something special, it breaks, but if I do normal stuff, it stays.

- As long as normal stuff doesn't involve like stabbing someone, yes. - Okay, how about throwing something? - That should be fine though. The spell won't break, but of course, if I mean, if someone can still figure out that you're there, but that's. - Okay, I'm already thinking of ideas, but I need to figure it out. Should we let them know? (laughing) - Well, I trust the Thedan well enough, but you're the one that has the most experience with Mr. Fancy Pants. How much discretion do you think that he has or would he be able to stay back until you've seen what you can do on your own?

- I look over at him. He's a walking. I think if we tell him, he might think it's below him and he'll just wait for us to get it done. Otherwise, it could be chaos and still be fun. So I think it's worth saying, asking. - All right, up to you. Let's go get them. - Question, we're still going to the guard after this, right? - Oh yeah, yes, for sure. I mean, we have fun waiting for us. We have an appointment. It's just a quick detour to see if we can make that appointment that much easier taken care of. - Yes, a detour. - Well, it's not actually a detour. It's on the same roost, really, but...

And they wink at Patilda. - What else is around? Like if Dagon is wandering, what else is around other than- - Where is he going? - The turkey legs. - Well, so, okay. As I kind of hinted at, you're not in a good part of town. You're actually in one of the worst parts of the city. So you're near the docks. Like you're near, so like, you're not, like you're at a place where bandits hang out, right? Like you're like, they're hanging out and they're comfy in a brothel, right? Like this is the kind of place where, and I can't do a Jamie impression, but that Kava voice would be ringing out over the, like, I can't do that.

So like, I still got COVID throat. Like that's suicide. So- - What's something that Kava would say? I'll do it. Get to, oh, I was gonna say something bad. - Valerie, please, I'm still recovering. You can't do me, I'm gonna die. - If we're near the docks, I think Dagon would be going down towards the water's edge to get water to clean himself, to clean his leathers. - Okay. - That is, yeah. - Yep, that's Brightport water, great for cleaning things. - Whatever happens with that, that's fine. - It's not, okay, it's not New York. - It's stuck into the Hudson River.

- Yeah, it's not, you know. - I guess we don't really have, like, industrial factory pollution yet, so like, it's not that bad. - Basically I'm saying, like, despite the fact they were attacked, he would still be ignorant to, well, that wouldn't happen again, right? So he's not- - What are the odds that happens to us? - He's not scared. - Well, I mean, if anything, the fact that you're like, look like you've been beat up probably is saving you from further attacks. - Probably blending in a little better now, but- - So you're like, oh, someone's already got him, not worth the trouble kind of thing, you know?

- His priority right now would be, you know, keeping up appearances, so he'd be looking for a way to clean off his, his leather armor. Shine up. - I'm just there making sure that he doesn't fall in the water. - Yeah, and this is like, like, let's say he goes to, like, a lower portion of the docks, and either, like, he's got, like, a clean cloth or a rag or something. He's just kind of, like, stretching down there, and it's like dunk, dunk, dunk. So it's just nice, cool water. - A seagull, just a seagull flies and lands next to him, like, (imitates seagull) (all laugh) - Would he know, or, can I roll perception to see if he knows that Aiden is following him, watching over him?

- I mean, he's hard to miss. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, I don't think he's not trying to be- - Yeah, I'm not out, I wouldn't be out of sight, but I don't think he would be trying to interfere with whatever Dagon is doing either. Just, like, a presence to make sure that there's someone watching the child, basically. - Okay. But does he know he's there? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, he's standing around, he sticks out, yeah. - Well, then, he could probably speak to him. He's probably turning to be like, "You know, you could probably stand to do this as well." (laughs) - I think he, like, looks up from his rat book and just, like, gives you a nod, like, "Mm-hmm." (snorts) Listen, I'm not trying to be mean, it's just, you know, what I said, and the waters seems all right.

- He writes, "Calypso promised us a bath after this." And then he wipes it, wipes it down, yeah. And then he writes, "Where are your parents?" (laughs) "How old do you think I am?" "I don't need my parents watching over me." - He writes-- - Cut to an hour ago where he was, like, crying for Mommy. (laughs) - In his sleep. (laughs) (clears throat) - He writes, "Are you all by yourself?" "Are you without parents?" (laughs) - I think this is probably maybe the first time he would look at them, sort of like, "Why do you wanna know?" But, uh... But, uh...

My parents are back home, and I'm here to gather information on my people's behalf, and... Sure, they didn't want me to go, but I insisted, and... I've had training, you know. I can take care of myself. That incident was... Well, it was unfair. - He writes, "Brightport can be unfair." And then he writes, "Would you like to hold Dumpy?" (laughs) (sings) - Oh, Dumpy's all clean now. - Hold the rampiest, clean, man. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - He knows now from... He knows who Dumpy is, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah, Dumpy's been introduced to the group. - Oh, man. I wanna be nice, but I shouldn't be, 'cause I got a same character.

(laughs) Hold your rat? (laughs) I don't think so. I'm sure he's great. Why don't you do the rat holding? I have cleaning, more cleaning to do. Yes. Thank you. - He nods and just sort of nods casually and writes, "Dumpy was alone too, and now he's with me." - I'd love- - Go get rats, guys. Come on. (laughs) - I would like to think that people around him saying stuff like that might... Something might get in there where he's like, you know, "Oh, I am alone." - Crack that veneer a little bit. - Right, right, right? So let's say you've cracked it like 0.1%, but he wouldn't let on anything, and he would kinda just nod and go back to cleaning himself.

- Dumpy looks a little dejected, but the Thetan just scratches his head a little bit, and he chirps right up. One day he may even ask other people about them. You know, not to talk about himself. (laughs) We'll see. (laughs) - So it wouldn't take long for you guys to catch up to Dagon and Thetan, 'cause it's not like they were way, way ahead of you. You guys are kinda having a private conversation hanging back a little bit. So you catch up at the tail end of this, Dagon's wiping down. Again, we've talked about this. That leather's gotta be super fresh, off the rack.

So just kind of wiping this down, it's like, God, why are the streets so filthy? Like that type of thing. How do you open up this conversation? - I imagine all three of us, Matilda, Calypso, and Fenris, come up and see these two hanging out by the docks. And like lean over and see what Dagon's doing. And I'm like, would you be interested in... - Sorry, sorry, verm, verm, excuse me, it's gone. - That's why I paused. What if we could get your stuff, well, not all of it, some of it, back sooner and in fun ways. - He'll look up. What do you mean some of it? - Well, the sum depends on my luck, little bit of chaos and a little bit of fun.

- What exactly did they take from you anyways? - Well, other than presumably gold, or was there anything else? - Double bag. - They left his sword, right? - Yeah. Because I think it was just like a hassle to get to you. Like it wasn't like it was, oh, let's not take that from him. It was like, ah, and they grabbed something. - Yeah, so it was just his satchel, right? - Yeah. - I don't know how big it was. - So like all of the things you need to be an adventurer basically, like in canonical terms, it's like, it's everything you'd need on the road. It's the thing that you get to in a town and it's like, hey, give me the dungeoneering kit or give me the explorers pack or whatever.

It's all of that. - Cool. - So it'd be like, well, all my provisions and some food and of course gold, which of course, if I got the gold back, I wouldn't need the other things, but I would like everything back. - So apparently they're back that way, getting drunk, playing games and who knows what else, just right for the picking. So it's a plan to go in and take what can or what I can and come out. And then we can still go get G and they can still hassle the crap out of them and maybe we'll get more. - The Thedian writes, I thought the plan was to get the guards.

- No, that's still the plan. This is just a pre-plan. - Why cause trouble when there is none? - Well, that's the point of not causing trouble. - I think he kind of rolls his eyes at that. - Yes, I have magic that can help Fenris make his way completely undetected, at least unless anything completely unfortunate happens and well, see what he'd be able to grab before getting everyone else involved and making a big mess of things that potentially means Dagon losing some of his belongings in the process. - Nobody doesn't like that. Dagon will be listening to Calypso and then sort of snap his head over to Fenris and his eyes will power up with rage and say, get my stuff.

- I'm sorry, just like the way that, it's like probably this impressive ability, but coming from Dagon and then just thought like in petulant demand, it's just like you're really undercutting the whole Sion thing. It's really good. It's really good chase. - You gotta throw into it. - Yeah. - Took him a hundred years before. I love him so much. - I was even gonna say, and then he'd catch himself, calm down a bit and say, please, but I'm not gonna go there yet. I'm not gonna go there yet. - So a little bit of the endurance powers came out there or was it more just like a show of like, it frosty.

- Like the endurance power, but just sort of, you know, maybe his eyes would glow a little bit just to show that there's. - Which for all we know is just a thing Aladrin do. Like it's not. - Right, right. - Just enough to be like, okay, there's something there, but I have no clue what and you know, interesting. - Yeah. - So Fenris will catch that and almost like connect and see that and be like, to get very interested. But then of course, as he does, he'll in a big grin and he'll like say, of course my Lord. And then turn around and then just walk with a grin on his face. 'Cause he thinks this is so much fun.

(laughing) - He lives day to day, can you tell? (laughing) - A lot of fun. I have enjoyed this group a lot. Yes, Jason. - So this is a rowdy bar, right? And obviously this place is kind of hopping a little bit. So like there's obviously people working, in both the prostitution sense and like, oh, can I get you a drink? That type of thing. But there's also other patrons there. It's kind of a happening spot, especially for cheap drinks and stuff like that in this lower portion of the city. So keep that in mind as you're going through. But there's one more thing I wanna do.

I wanna know what kind of day are these bandits having? Like these guys, maybe you're not the only people they robbed. They might have a Santa Clausian sack full of stuff. So Ian, if you would, on a scale of one to 10, how good a day are these guys having? There might be some really good days there might be some really cool stuff that you guys can redistribute, let's say. - Gotcha. You want me to do a blind roll? - No, no, no. Just, I think, yeah, knowing the stakes, that's good. - Gotcha. All right, here we go, D10, let's go. - A four. So, not the best day of their lives, but there's probably some other stuff in there besides yours, definitely a little more gold.

Okay, when they robbed Dagon, they were probably hoping for a little more than the standard adventuring kit. They're like, "Oh man." And his might be monogrammed or something like that. It's like, "Well, I mean, this is really..." Like, it's like, "Whoa, he's got four candles." Like, it's like, "You know what I mean?" Like, it's like, "That's kind of cool, whatever." But like... Dear mommy, like it's not exactly what they were hoping for, you know? - His journal. He got his journal. - Are they reading it and making fun of it? - That's probably what they're laughing about at the bar right now, right?

- Oh my God, do you want to make that canon? - Yeah, I do. - We can do that. - That's horrific. Okay, then one more roll. On a scale of one to 10, how embarrassing is the passage that they're looking at currently? How embarrassing is that for Dagon? And you know what, Valerie? - It's me. - Give me a D10. - D10. Seven. Pretty juicy. - What's a seven get us, James? I don't want to put words in your character's mouth. Like, what's... - Oh, so Dagon has his betrothed, right? The arranged marriage. So let's have a talk about the strange feelings he experienced in the tingles (all laughing) and the awkward, where's my binder moments to cover up about Nymera, who is his also really good friend to boot.

So it was like, yeah. - Oh. - Yeah, he's probably written tons about that. - That's just a seven? (all laughing) - Well, 10 would be like, as well walking in on him, you know, jerking off. - Yeah, yeah. - So yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - 10 would be him writing fan fiction of himself. - Yeah. (all laughing) - There you go. - That is perfect. - There you go. (all laughing) - So, okay. Let's keep that in mind while setting a scene. How are we going in? - Invisible, I think. (all laughing) - Yeah, yeah. - Like walking in the front door? - Well, first I wanna- - No, no, no. - I wanna look at our librarian and just kind of like check in and be like, is this what you're sucking up for?

- I assumed we were all staying outside and just, Fenris was going in. - For now, yeah. - I mean, he still doesn't have as much plausible deniability as possible. - Yeah, let's see how this goes first with Fenris and then we can decide. - So at first, as we approach the clip, so turn to Fenris and just, all right, you ready? - I think so. Is there like a, so this is like that kind of alley area. Is there like a discarded robe or a cape or anything that I could just kind of like wrap myself in like really badly, but just to have and then- - I can give you mine.

- Well, yeah, I- - Anything you're wearing turns invisible. Let's see. - Yes. I do wanna point out- - Oh, so this is a backup, okay. - Anything discarded in an alley, you get what you pay for. - Don't you already have, like, aren't you already wearing like a big cloak or something you can use to hide yourself in? That seems like Fenris kind of gear. - Let's, okay, yes, you can absolutely do that. Let's say that there is a lovely old ratty, like a big hooded thing, right? Looks like it's made out of old like burlap or something like that. It's very commoner, very, but I want you to roll on a D100 table to see what's wrong.

- Okay. - Oh, it's those Arctic ticks again. - Ooh, 90. - Ooh, excellent. We're in that top percentile. So, how can I put this? (soft music) How can I put this? So, this may have been someone's girlfriend, this cloak. - Wait, what? Sorry, I'm slow. - Oh, oh, oh, so if there was a black light here, it would be disgusting. - Yes. - So, yeah, okay. - Yeah, it is a very used cloak. - Well, why? (laughing) - He picked it up in an alleyway. Like it's, you know. - Does Fenris pick this thing up? - I pick it up and before I even do that, I like, that I wrap it and I just hold it on to me.

I'm still keeping it, but I'm just putting it like on a hold. - Can you press to digitate the cum off of it? - Yeah. (laughing) Thank you Ian for going there. Thank you. - We were so careful. My God. - It was so. - I mean, didn't write that out on his top board? - No. - It will? - Like just, yes. - P-U-M question mark? - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. (laughing) - And then underneath whose question mark? (laughing) - Oh my God. Like, also just like looking at Fenris, just like. What? Like, they don't know what to say. - When a cape like this will come in handy. Or that's bad. (laughing) - It seems like it already did.

- Yeah. - I mean, someone knows, but yeah. - Is that the name of the game? - You know. (laughing) - Handy, come in handy. I'm sorry. Okay. - Keep the cape up, come in handy. - Do you want me to leave it? - A cursed item. - Actually going to win. - Okay. - Have utility. - Okay. I'm just gonna move on. - He clearly has a plan. - So, okay. To understand right now, not that we know what happened. (laughing) So Fenris will be invisible. All things that Fenris is on Fenris's person are invisible. They remain invisible until they leave your person. Now, nothing you grab outside of the casting of the sword.

The spirit of the casting of the spell will be invisible. So like, if you pick an apple up after you walk around for a while, that will not be invisible. You will be. So it will appear to be like a levitating ghost apple. Just so we understand. Okay. So, so I, like I said, this place is kind of hopping. So like, so. (laughing) Fenris and his wizard blanket here are now invisible. And it wouldn't take long for someone to either leave or come in. - I'm gonna cast the spell, hold on. - Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. - Excuse you. I had thought about how this works and everything.

- I'm sorry. I, please go. We spent way too much time on the blanket. I didn't wanna like. - That's not my fault. (laughing) - You're welcome. - So after the blanket incident, Culpso just kind of like, then like put like two fingers, like on Fenris' forehead and just kind of, I'm not sure how this feels to someone else, but it shouldn't hurt. And then they're kind of like, their eyes sort of like, they sort of like stare into the middle of distance and then like their other hand kind of like moves as if they're like, like they're kind of like miming in their head, like tuning like their violin and like Fenris' like images and like slowly sort of like, like fade, like sort of like in and out a little bit until it like goes like completely away and just.

Okay, there it is. Are you good? - I think so. You know, I could pickpocket you and you would know I was there. And I scamper off. - That's the idea, yes. (laughing) Have fun. - So again, someone's going to leave or go in or whatever, and you just kind of like, whoop, you kind of slip it. So let's say you're walking into this brothel and you got a little live music being performed. Like as you walk in on the right-hand side all the way to the back of the bar, you got a few people like playing some music there. You know, it's kind of background music, you know, a couple of people like stamping, clapping, that type of thing.

And you have women and men and walking around like basically working. Like it's like, oh, do you want to go get a room? Do you want to, you know, that type of thing. Basically upselling people who are already there to drink. So you have people at the traditional, like round bar tables, like playing games of cards and stuff. But on the left-hand side, you've noticed that people have given these guys some space. There are a troupe of dudes here, five in total. And you could tell that one's their little pack leader, the biggest, beardiest, like smelliest guy.

So he's sitting there and he's got this little journal. Like it's this little, like a little black book and like his big, stupid calloused hands are gripping this thing. And he's got like tears streaming down his face as he's trying to get this out. So like as you walk in, like that big ha ha, like that big, like big hearty laugh, and you just like, okay, that's the target. And the four dudes are like, they kind of have these booths, like there's two open booths and they've kind of like, they're squatting on this stuff. You know what I mean? And the four dudes are looking to the one and they are very much like in anticipation.

Like everybody's laughing, but like they're like, again, and it's like, he's talking about his little elf boner. (laughs) Like just like slamming the table up and down, like glasses hopping as they're just like, they're dying. And behind their leader here is just like a sack full of stuff. And it's kind of like, it's pulled too, but not tied shut. And it is sitting in the actual booth itself behind the guy. So he's doing his little standup routine and he's got his guys around him like satellites and they're just losing their mind. - Are there any games of chance going on?

With these guys? - Well, either these guys or one of the guys, or is there a table near them that's playing? Is there any, like what events are going on around them that in my head, my goal is to try to get them to move and I'm gonna try to do different things to try to get them out there. I just wanna know what do I have to play with in the scene in the area. So right around them, excuse me, sorry. So right around them, it's mostly just, it's these big plush leather booths. And to the south of them, like if you were, it's closer to the door, basically there's a couple of dart boards and they have stuff like that set up.

Above them is a set of stairs that leads to the second floor and then mostly this is just like, they've taken over this little, so there's no card games or anything like that going on on this side, that's mostly on the other side of the bar right now. Like no pool table or anything like that. - How many people are near them? Like just walking or overhearing or like maybe trying to listen to the story, but like not show that they're trying to listen to the story? - Maybe with like, I'm trying to find out my goal just to kind of reveal my plan here. Just so I know.

- Yeah. - I want to try to like sit in a table with other people that isn't like a fully, let's say there's like a table of four where there's like three guys and I'm just gonna hide myself as like the fourth hidden person that's like somehow diagonally near them and kind of try to throw, I'm gonna try to use like deception or something to like try to pick a fight with them to be like, oh yeah, you probably got that by taking it off. Like you stole it from a baby. There's no way you could even try to like, I bet you, you know, I bet I could take that from you with these, taking the darts or, you know, like is all you're gonna do is read that dumb book and not just that, and like someone would be like, I didn't say that dude, but that guy, like I want to try to turn up where they're like get distracted and then maybe take action or move or try to pick them off or see what happens.

- I like it. - So picture this almost like a Denny's, right? Where like there's booths back to back, but then there's like little dividers. So like the dividers come up to like chin, like chin cheek level, something like that. And these guys are being so frigging loud that the people that there is like a little party sitting there and like they're, you know, they were talking or something and it's like, oh my God, these guys suck. Like we gotta move. Like that, I can't. But like they're right at that point. They haven't moved yet. - Okay, so instead of sitting with them, 'cause I know if it looks like they're gonna like, you know where the party's about to go, they're kind of like antsy and they're just like, I just started, got my eggs.

I don't really want to leave yet, but man, these guys are asshole. Yeah, so it's almost like I've been there before. (laughing) I'm gonna have Fenris stand on the side between the dividers. So there's like the booths and then there's like that. So I'm like right in the middle. And I'm gonna say it downward, but in a way that they would still hear. Who is the closest to that end bench to them? Whether it'd be the big guy or just one of those little satellite dudes, like one of the bandits that was on the- - Just one of the, yeah, just one of the little bandit guys, just- - Just thought for a minute.

- Oh man, you know what? Let's say it is, let's say it is. - Okay, so let's say Fenris stands there and it's good. (soft music) Do I, I'm trying to think of like, is there another bandit group or another, 'cause do these, does this group have like a click or a name or something? I know I don't know them, but it kind of like, what's another fancier group that I could be like, I bet you, you know, blah, blah, blah bandit group would have just kicked these guys' asses. They're like small fries. I wanna say something like that. - Right, so like, I mean, these guys are just assholes.

Like they're not, like they're not, to you, like it doesn't look like they're part of a bigger crew or something like that. Like they're scamming, like it's a small time haul, right? Like they're out stealing shoes and shit. Like this isn't like Grand Theft Auto. Like they're very, you know, so like, like if you were like, oh, the Iron Knuckle boys would tear you guys apart, like something like that. Like any number of like other established Brightport gangs. - I got it. I'm gonna say, man, it was great that we had that bait there. We got the real good loot over on the other side of East block.

I can't believe these guys fell for this, that puny, elven guy. - So you're gonna be leaning on the side of the guys just trying to enjoy their eggs, team eggs, we'll call them. So team, by the way, man, I bet the food served at a low level brothel is just, especially eggs. Like what, you know, just breakfast food's gotta be great. - You go for the eggs. - I'm sure they're fresh. - They're fresh eggs. - Yeah. (laughing) - Gotta get that protein in. - So you're gonna lean over and say this. So the cool thing about this is it's not like you gotta roll a stealth check.

You're fucking invisible. So no one's going to like it's, but let's see how well this stirs the pot. Give me a persuasion. - Persuasion or deception? - Well, I mean, here's the thing. Technically, yes, it's deception, but you're trying, like you're openly trying to persuade somebody and I'm not even gonna check to see if it's a lie because of course it is. This is just to incite violence. This isn't to like truly, you know, so I'll let you do either one. I'm guessing your deception, Zaire. - Very much is. - Well, let's try that then. - Okay. (dramatic music) - Oh no.

- That was almost a 17. Turns out a three though equally as good. - Oh yeah. - So eight total. So if you're saying it on the side of team eggs, team eggs is gonna be like, what? Like that was, like it was so clearly on their side of the divider and it's like, are those assholes like sticking their heads over and like bragging about their, like, is that what's going on? So on the other side, I think they would have heard it, but not like associated it or not like caught up, not with an eight, right? Like it didn't, you know, so all you've done so far is thoroughly confused team eggs.

(laughing) - Trying to think how I could do this. I wanna throw the blanket, but have it go from where the book reading bandits are over to team eggs to kind of. - To like push them over the limit like this, that, so, okay. So now you go to the other side of the divider. Okay, so this is gonna take some. (laughing) - This is like a war crime. - Yeah, this is pretty, this is pretty. - Yeah, okay, so this is gonna take a little finesse because the second, the end, I gotta stop using this motion, but like the second, the second this cloak or blanket leaves your hands, it is visible, like the second none of it's touching you.

So like technically you could use it like a whip and like it would still be invisible. But like, if you're just like trying to like, like the second you let go, like you could just back away and all of a sudden this disgusting blanket to them materializes above, you know, so, okay. All I. - I have it like wrapped as a ball and like, I don't know which side of the booth has like any space, but kind of like put it on top of the divider and then like, like let go and like walk away. Kind of like if it falls one way or the other, I don't care, but like just kind of let it wrap it up as much as I can and then just go.

I know it'll be like that way it's like, you don't know, was it one guy or was it them? And so each side might fight each other of like, well, you did that to me. They're like, no, you assholes did it. But they're not gonna be like this invisible guy. - So what we've entered into now is that 2015, 2016 era of YouTube pranks, that's where we're at. - That sounds like "Fenris of Speed", yeah. - Okay, well, this is gonna be classic guys. So what I've done to this blanket is, and then like, you know, you're just. (laughing) Okay. So all I ask of you, give me a stealth check with advantage.

That's all I ask of you. - There you go. - 19. - Hey. - There it is. - So like you're balancing this and it's like, oh, my magnum opus. Like you're just like, and then you back away, right? - Lady be with me. - I need you to give me a D20. Odds, it falls on team eggs. Even it's the bandits. Poor eggs, God damn it. Like they just wanna eat their stupid meal. There's a bunch of loud assholes, like just kinda. So like you back off and this thing, like there's a moment of confusion as this blanket tips and falls over into two plates and just kind of like, like it, so, oh man, okay.

- Oh no. Oh no. - So this crunchy blanket ball, (laughs) - It's not a magic shift if you want. - I just, it's just gonna like splat right into, it's like one dude's, you know, they're both enjoying eggs, but like maybe there's a little biscuits and gravy. Maybe now that's the worst. That's not no other breakfast foods. Pancakes and syrup. Let's go with pancakes and syrup. Sorry, pancakes and syrup. We're gonna get through this. So, but the point is, squish. And then like one of the guys, it's like, what the fuck? Why is this blanket so stiff? Like boom realization, right?

It's gonna hit him. That is the fucking straw. This divider is going to get ripped out 'cause they all come up. So like this thing is going to get lifted up and thrown at the back of the big bandit leader's head. So this is like nice glass and stuff like that. And it is just going to smash right over the back of this. So in mid-gafaw while they're on to like, you know, like Dagon might be talking about feelings or something like that. It's like, and then he's not sure about his feelings. Like just screaming at the book at this point, like they're so enthralled and smash, right?

All of a sudden hockey fight, boom. Like there's squishy, crunchy blankets, there's glass shattered, there's mugs of things being thrown. So it is bedlam. Is there an opening for me to grab anything in that craziness? - So what you've done is, it's kind of good news, bad news. I think it would be very difficult to notice you if they were to bump into you or something like that. However, if you're looking for their not being bodies, just fucking cluttered up over top of that sack, you're in bad luck. 'Cause like it was sitting right behind the bandit leader.

So now like glass smash and then two warring factions are now just fist fighting and standing on top of booths and stuff like that. So like, if you were to grab something, it's gotta be fast. (soft music) - Is the journal on the table now? - I'd say he dropped it. I don't think he sat it neatly on that. After you get something smashed over the back of your head, I think it's more like, fuck, like you just like throw it down. The journal's no longer as funny as when (laughs) he didn't have bits of glass in the back of his noggin. (laughs) - And then I'm just trying to think.

So the journal's on there and you're saying, was there a bunch of coin also thrown on the ground or on the table when they were like, probably like looking at their stuff? - Yeah, I'd say like there's like, okay, of the stuff that they have out, like there's definitely, there's some gold and stuff because like they're paying for drinks. They're paying for, maybe this is, they head to their local TGI Fridays and live it up, whatever, like they're just, it's like, hey, I got drink money. But like, you're guessing the bulk of that stuff is in like a medium sized, like burlap sack, kind of like tied, like just kind of like closed too.

You could even make a play for the entire sack. - Ooh. - Always go for the whole sack. - I know. - Yeah, and that really just sounds like the easy thing to do, just grab that and get out. Like, that's probably your best bet. - Roll for snack. - Yeah, and if it's. - You went for maximum distraction and you got it. - Yeah. (laughs) And it's like one of those things and then like, or maybe where like, it didn't like, it cuts to like the rest of the group kind of like standing like around the corner and just like, what is happening? They're like the muffled like chaos sounds from the inside.

(laughs) - Yeah. - Let's try it. - I mean, let's go for it. What do you want me to do? - So, okay, we established that like, it was only a four for the day, right? So this isn't like an overflowing huge sack. This bag isn't very heavy. So I want you to give me an athletics check. And as long as it's a 13 or higher, you're just gonna heft this whole thing out of here. - Okay. (laughs) Just ignore my minus one on this. - Hey. - Hey. - Hey, what are you? - 15. - It's the adrenaline. - Yeah. - Very nice. - It's gonna be powered by gremlin energy. (laughs) - So like the mighty treasure goblin from Diablo three, you just kind of like heft it over your back and open a portal.

So like you're probably waiting for the right moment. It's like, ooh, whoa, that, oh. And you have to kind of go around the back of the bar here is to get around the dividers again and take off. Now here's the last leg of this. - Okay. - I'm gonna roll one perception check. One for the bandit leader with disadvantage because I mean, chaos, right? As long as he doesn't roll a 14 or higher, fine. Okay. He has a plus two. So. - Geez. Perceptive bandit. - I mean, you know, you gotta climb that corporate ladder. Like, you know, you're gonna have certain tools. A disadvantage.

Here we go, baby. We're gonna drop a 17 to take a two. This bandit is not going to notice as a collection of goods gently floats out the door. - Yes. - So after you get out of the door here, like you guys are just gonna see this, like this levitating bag full of goods. Like what is it just like, go, go, go, go run. Or is it like, ah, we made it, whatever, right? - I wanna know what Kava says, Valerie, if you wanna give that a try as all that's happening. - Well, oh, but that's true. Cause a fight's breaking out in her restaurant. - I did. - Restaurant. - Yes.

(all laughing) - Plotation marks. - They serve eggs. - I pinged Jamie on the discourse and I'm so sorry, but in our defense, it's probably not the first time this has happened. - Fresh Dragon Ball on eggs. - Oh God. - Okay. Let's see. Oh, I haven't heard Kava in a long time. - Kava says, all right, all right. This is a classy establishment. You can only do rough and tumble like that upstairs. - I think Jamie would be proud. I think Jamie would be really proud. - Yeah. - You know what you need is a little COVID. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like you're a bitch in that restaurant that you're really looking for.

- I've never had that growl. - Oh man, that I've been smoking and cannot stop. That's what you need. (all laughing) Guys, I think that's a good time for us to stop for that you did something as a team. And look at that. - Yeah, look at us. - Look at that. Well, you did though. - Miracles do happen. - In that no one was actively working against each other. Like that's a step up. (all laughing) - Strengthening the bond. - This is only gonna make Fenris more cocky. - Sure, and rich. - Gosh, I'm very, I do love this group. - Just out of curiosity, did he grab the journal or did he leave it and grab the bag?

- I think he focused on the bag. - Yeah. - Yeah, he didn't specifically say that. - No, he didn't, he didn't. But that could be funny because maybe. - In Fenris's head, he heard Dagon prioritized coin when he was like, "Oh, if I get coin, "I can get my stuff back." [music fades out]