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See app for details. Bye, mom. Thank you for tuning into the show. Of course, ad-free versions of this episode and all our episodes are available on our Patreon for just $1 a month. That kind of thing means the world, and it helps us keep the lights on. Of course, if you're watching on YouTube, make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and share. Do all that good algorithm stuff. And without further ado, let's get on with the day's episode. Hello, friends. Dungeons of Randomness would like to welcome you to this presentation of Pack Bound. Last time, our heroes went to the Magic City.

They found out some stuff that they needed to know. Roger was great. Rumpus was had. And the fight of the century is coming tonight. Thank you. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ -Ooh, let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason. I'm the Dungeon Master Goner on the table, starting with the lovely Mandy. -Oh, I'm lovely. Hi, guys. This is Mandy, and I play Clover, the lucky red dragonborn who knows stuff, but I don't know what we know today, but we will know later. -We busted Mandy's balls hard in the pre-show, so I feel bad. So now you get upgraded to lovely.

-Oh, that's worth it. Okay. -It was all worth it. -Yeah. -It's like getting inspiration, but, like, in meta. -Nice. -And the also very lovely Xavier, featuring Mustache. -Oh, hi. Don't get used to this. I'm Xavier, and I play Zozo, the black dragonborn, omen of shadows, harbinger of doom. That's it. He's humble. Only two titles. -Oh. Oh. -What if we have an extensive writing campaign to keep the mustache? -Ooh, yeah. -I'll do it. I mean, just say please. That's all you need. -What kind of extensive? Five, six? Like, how many do we need? -Six mustaches? -No. -Let us write in this.

-Each mustache has a mustache. -If you could pull off six mustaches. Oh, my God. -Technically, he's already got one over each eye. -Yeah, that's three. -One, two, three. -You just have to curl them. -Four. -Curl. -Oh, I can't unsee that now. -That's your mustache here. -That's Cthulien. And Ryan H. -Hi. Hello. My name's Ryan, and tonight I'll be playing, as usual, Omo, our friend with the hammer who enjoys his rumpus. -And, of course, Ryan the OG. -Hey, everyone. I'm Ryan. I play the old one, Kriv, the dragonborn. -[ Laughs ] -The old one makes you sound very wise.

I just want to point that out, so... I will be asking you where babies come from at some point tonight. Like, just, I want to hear you break it down. -When two dragonborn get together and their tongues go... -We've been over this in episode one, yeah. -Yeah. -[ Laughs ] -I did not detect the tongue. Ugh. No! -I don't want to oversell this, but, guys, we've been waiting months in real time for this fight. Before we get into it, because I want to hype this up even more, but, you know, I want to hear from -- I want to hear from each of the fighters. I want to hear from you guys.

Like, what's -- How have you prepared for this? How have you -- Like, what's your character thinking? What are you as a player thinking? It's been a whirlwind. I got to start with Ryan on this one. -So... -You were the challenger, right? -I did, yeah. I was the one that kicked him out of the city and told him that I'd challenge him. But from Crib's point of view, it's just like I'm tired of this shit. ♪♪ -I think we all know how you got there, actually. Like, I don't -- None of this was -- -He's just like, "Okay, well, it's finally -- I just saw the note.

He enjoys butts. Mandy, where did that come from?" -Like, what? -He says he enjoys rumps. -Oh, okay. -Rumpus. -I saw that on the corner of my eye. -I'm like, "Are you way off?" -Rumpus? -I was like, "What?" -I want -- From this point of view, it's like, "Yeah, no, I'm tired of his shit. He likes butts." That's what I thought. -We've been making a lot of, like, hand-tied jokes last session. -I mean, gross, right, guys? Like, just -- -So, yeah, so, I mean, Crib's just -- At this point, he's done with his shit, right? As soon as this spectacle of disciplining someone that was weak enough to get caught and weak enough to not follow the rules, he's going out there to deal with this.

On Ryan's point of view, I had a plan, then forgot it. Then had a plan, then forgot it. And then had a plan, then forgot it. My plan now is just kill him with one swing. -Ooh. -Kill him. -Not quite kill him. -Wow. -Not quite kill him, but -- -Some blood comes to be drawn. -Yeah. -Okay. So, now this sounds like a pre-fight press conference because he's saying he's going to take you out with one swing. Now that's -- We got to hear from -- We got to hear from the challenged. -I'll go two rounds with him. -That sounds less impressive than one swing. But still. -Yeah.

Two rounds can take a very long time. -I can't. -So, as I recall, as Zozo recalls, he was the one challenging Crib, and he's the one who stormed out of the city saying, like, "Meet me at the bike rack. Like, we'll fight there." And so he stormed out, and I'm picturing he -- When he teleported back down, he found a cool cliff or elevation not too far from where they are, maybe some sort of rock jutting out, and he would go right on top of that rock, cross his arms, look in the distance, hope there's wind. -Let the wind sweep. -Ah! -Yeah. -Like, Strider-style.

-You're gonna start doing some forms. -Yeah, and he's, like, going over the fight in his head, more or less like I've been doing for weeks. I do have a question for Jason about that. And, like, would Zozo know about, like, the standard ORAS dragonborn duels? Like, is there such a thing, how they deal with their differences? And would Zozo know about that? 'Cause he wants to beat Crib on his terms. -Yes, it's actually been featured on the show before. There is very much -- Yeah. So, normally, for standard disputes and stuff like that, like, in a leadership situation, like, what you guys are dealing with, it's usually just beat someone till they either submit or can't continue, right?

If you're challenging for, like, leadership of the clan or calling out the leader telling you you have no faith, that's a fight to the death. That is right away. But that isn't necessarily -- unless you want to take it there -- that isn't necessarily, like, what this calls for. This is more -- This is almost -- I mean, it's almost as if Crib's saying, "This is a vote of no confidence in your leadership," right? But, like, yeah. Now, one more question for Ryan. Would you have challenged Zozo if Xavier had this mustache three months ago? Yes. Yeah. Wow. Wow.

That's fair. What? Yeah, but some of that mustache -- some of that mustache power has got to go into the characters' roles. You got to equate for that. Well, I guess we'll see in today's role. Okay. You know, if you get a crit, Xavier, we're attributing it to the mustache. All hail the mustache. My lucky mustache. Crit plus six people writing in saying to keep the mustache. Yes. I mean, yeah, six. Oh, that will never happen. If this gets 1,000 retweets -- It needs to be reachable. I mean, right? We only have 10 people that listen to this. So, I mean, 60%, right?

That's -- Yeah, that's about it. That's about our numbers. Okay. Sure, sure. If the Patreon goes up by $500 a month, I'll keep it. Oh. But that means I need to keep it until we reach it to keep it, you know? I can't shave it before it. That's just math. Yeah. Yeah. We reach an extra $500 a month. I'll shave whatever you guys want me to shave. I don't care. Nope. No. Let's do it. Let's do it live. Let's do a mustache. Let's do a mustache. Doesn't have to be my face. Whatever. It might be a breeze. And we can have little mustaches all over. Ew! For Movember. Remember Movember?

I do, yeah. Movember. I don't know if I can handle that much raw power, that much raw sexuality. That's a lot. That's a lot. I've actually already been working on it. Well, guys. I got you a dirt road to have this. Like a little -- I got you -- I figured that's a pretty good showdown spot, like maybe where wagons pull around underneath Movember. So I'm going to go ahead and place you on the map. Last detail for you. I know you like rolling tables, but do you know what the weather is right now? What's the weather? Or is it raining? Could be dramatic. I feel like -- So the way I had this mapped out was, yes, it's like drizzling, like a light drizzle.

And every round this goes on, I'm going to increase to a -- like a gale force thunderstorm type of thing. You know what I mean? I don't know if it's going to go that many rounds. It probably won't. OK. Oh, yeah, where's my thing? Um, where are -- So, OK. Zozo leaves, and he's setting up the dramaticism, so there's like big raindrops, kind of like not quite at the point where it stings a little, where it's windy, but that wind is sweeping up because you're on a cliffside, right? You're elevated. And then I'm -- So I'm guessing that Kriv still has the rest of the party, and you guys are leaving.

Like, how does this work? You guys tell me, Brian, Mandy, what do you -- Well, last you saw the two of us, we were licking the glowing lamp. Yes. And we'll get to that. So would we have noticed, it's like, I guess they've been gone a little while. Maybe we should go follow them. Oh, that's a really good idea. Yeah, yeah. Nobody else is in here. Yeah, yeah. So I swear we're going to get to the lamp. I swear. First, Mandy, could you do me a big favor? Give me a D20, and let's see what you're good at. I want to, like -- Is it licking? If you roll something you rolled before, is it licking?

Well, maybe. Because I'm pretty good at licking. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Excellent. That was good. That was good. I think we have to shut down, honestly. That was too good. Like, that's it. That was the best we're going to get, right? We can ride that high for a bit. Well, maybe we could all become good at licking. OK, insight. So here's what's going to happen. You're going to have this -- Are you familiar with the character Columbo? Are you old enough to know Columbo? He's the one that's -- Oh, one more question. Kind of thing. That's the guy. That's exactly the line that I want to lean into.

You have this raw insight about you, that if someone is lying, if someone is trying to deceive, I'm going to give you a hint, but it's going to be very L.A. noir. I'm just going to tell you something's wrong and you'll just -- [ Laughter ] If you're not watching the video, Xavier is doing a perfect L.A. noir. I can't describe it to you, but it's -- Yeah. That's amazing. So you're going to know that something about what they're saying is wrong. I can't tell you exactly what, but you will know. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. So you're going to -- Yeah. Okay.

I'm not going to get it at all because I'm not good at this, but sure. You don't know that. With all the buttons and graphs, you should have something in position going on. So two things. One, let's assume -- Let's assume that Clover and Olmo are -- Like, you're accompanying -- You're either -- You're catching up with Kriv or you're following directly after. You know, you're there. And two, Mandy just said she's not watching us, so you guys can make faces at her all the time and she won't know. So, Kriv, how do you walk into this arena, this dirt road overlooking a cliff?

Like, how do you -- Like, you've got Vegeta standing on the rock posing. You know, you got -- Like, how do you walk in? Kind of split. I kind of want to be very dramatic, and the other side is just like, "All right, fucker. Get over here. Let's get this over with." And I think that's more or less what it's going to be. Like, he has his pike, and he's not going to be using it as, like, a walking stick anymore. He's going to, like, grab it halfway down and then start just kind of -- Almost as if, like, he's carrying a spear, right? He's just going to have it, and he's going to be just walking over.

And then as he gets close enough -- You ready? Took you long enough. And he jumps down that rock he was on. Phew. One little leap lands. Just two-point landing. Looks up. One more question, and this is imperative. I need to know. What is your entrance music? Now, I can't guarantee that that will be playing in the background. But if I could find a good knockoff? Yeah. I mean, whatever the peak, like, animated AMV is. Oh, my God. I'll ask Bree. Bree's got it. Yeah, all of them work. I'm going to phone a friend. All of them work. A little... ♪ I've become so numb ♪ Like a little -- Like, I'm afraid crawling in my skin is too on the nose, but it works.

It does work. It works for Zozo. It's good for Zozo. I almost feel the more literal, the better. Like, more on the nose. So, a MIDI knockoff, please. I got you. I got you, Doug. [ Laughs ] So, I feel like Kriv's a little minimalistic, maybe. Yeah, minimalistic or back to his roots, a little bit more tribal or something, maybe. Royalty-free. Yeah. [ Laughs ] Okay. I need both of you, with Olmo and Clover, looking on to roll initiative. Now, let's set you guys up for combat. There you go. You are in the combat tracker. Oh, that is a 13 from Kriv. I forgot about that negative 1.

Good stuff. Yeah, I know good at that. [ Clears throat ] I see. Okay. Yeah. Oh. Ooh! Okay. 18. Is he better? Well, he hasn't hit yet. So how do you open this? Like, you're going from kind of a lax, like, posing stance. Like, how do you -- are you wearing the gauntlets, first of all? Yeah. Yeah, he is. Okay. Good, good, good. So, he's kind of like -- he just stood up. He's kind of just, like, looking just under his, like, eyebrow ridge. And he extends a hand alongside his body. And he says, "When we're done with this, I will give that master mage what he wants, and I'll burn down this city with the flames of a Rutamar." And as he says that, his arm starts to get coated in black flames.

The flames feel like they're, like, coming from out under his scales. It seems like it's just emanating from within. And they kind of, like, coalesce down to his hand, and they start extending in his palm in this long elongated form. And eventually he'll clasp that form, and the flames kind of, like, vanish. And there's just some lingering flames on his arm and on that blade that he just manifested. And he's wielding a black-bladed, black-iron katana that's got, like, flame motifs on it. Mechanically it's a rapier, but it looks like a katana. And he says, "And my flames will burn you down to ashes." Well, that's good.

And he's waiting for you. Oh! Because that was my action. That was my action. Oh! That was my action. You were, like, passing. Yeah. Sorry. Thanks so much. Just conjure that blade. Crib's gonna... So his left hand, the hand that he doesn't have the pike in, he's gonna just kind of put it at the center of his chest, and it's gonna glow, and you're gonna see this thin shimmer just kind of ripple out around him. And as that happens, he's just gonna say, "I've already been burned before." And then he's gonna kind of, like, do a little kip and start running over.

And he's gonna... A lot of his pike attacks are more circular in nature. So it's like a circular and then stab, and then a poke or a sweep or kind of, like... That's kind of how he's fighting with this. He's kind of using it as if it's a staff. So like, you don't know what angle he's gonna attack from instead of just, like, spearing. Because I was thinking, like, okay, remember the movie Troy? It's a terrible movie. But there's one really cool scene with Brad Pitt fighting some massive dude. He just takes a spear and starts running, and boom, just drops him.

It's super cool. Then there's two and a half hours of boredom. But that thing, that's what I was picturing, but it's more like you don't know what angle he's coming from. Yeah, so he's trying to... And not like spinning as in, like, flashing. Stinning as in just trying to create some sort of confusion, trying to be like, okay, well, I'm gonna attack from the right side. Nope, it's the upper left. And just trying to go into different angles. And so with that, he's going to basically stab. As like it goes around and then comes up, he's gonna try to stab from, like, the upper left, coming down kind of towards your shoulder.

Okay, let's do it. Are we working by, like, battle map rules? Like, can you get to me? Or if we don't want to do that, we can just get into it too. I feel like you guys would have been spaced out so that... I feel like it's a fight one-on-one that you knew was coming. I feel like, you know, you know... I mean, there's room for dramatic... Yeah, rushing. Okay, I have a reach of 10. So I'll stay there. Okay, oh, good, good. I'm getting super close to you, but we'll be close enough. All right, so let me see if I can get an attack in here. Ten does a ten hit your AC?

No. Okay, well, let me go ahead and cast the spell that is before with that little shimmer. It's shield of faith. Okay, little offense, little defense. I like it. That's the end of round one. It's going by so fast. It's going by so fast. So here we go. I'm going to reset initiative and roll. Oh, yeah, it's true. It's anyone's game. You both. Wow. Oh, this time we have a reversal. We have a reversal of fortune. It's Crivop, then Zozo. Okay. So he's going to continue on with that initial kind of staff. He's going to take it as a barrage or say after that. Zozo trying to keep up like you're just coming at him.

And the first one, like, Zozo dodged just in time because that's more or less my dex modifier. So, like, get out of the way, seize the other one coming and let's see if I attack. That one's an eight. That one's an eight. So it's just a lot of, like, circular movements around you. Zozo's pulling the dream right now where he's just kind of dodging out of the way. Right. And he dodges the second one, kind of like brings up his blade right above his head. Kind of like he in his fighting stance, he's like really crouched down, like really like he drops the kind of like fake standing up thing.

He's really reptilian and he's got his sword out. He looks at you when you miss and he goes like, yeah, and he brings out. He brings out his hand right to your chest and he yells. What's the name? Yeah, he yells, burning shadows. And I'm going to cast burning hand. God, that is so. I love you. And again, along his arm, like flames start erupting from him, there's the scales until it starts burning kind of like bright white in his hand and black flames just burst out Vegeta style out of his hand. And you've got to do a DC 13, the dexterity save. Oh, fuck. OK.

Well, you're in luck because Crives dexterity is great. Well, DC 13 minus one minus one just barely breaks through. I dodged most of it, but still get burned. Here's the fun thing, though. It's fire damage. Oh, OK. What is that? He has been burned before. So yeah, half. That's true. He has been burned before. Damage was good old red dragonborn got that. Yep. Half. I just want to make sure that I do it with the right damage. Forty six at this level. OK, for D6 respectable. So if you roll high, you could still take a good junk. Oh, yeah. I see. For D6. OK, 12. OK, so six damage.

Whoop. OK, wow. I'm going to zoom in to make sure people can see those health bars, although they'll be on the stream to if you check us out on YouTube, you can find those. And as the flames hit Crave and kind of like basically roll off of him and he's barely singeing or anything, those will be like impossible. Anything else for your turn? No, he'll kind of like bring back his sword. He's holding it the wrong way, like sword, like, you know, one of those. He's holding like this. Oh, I can see it in my head, like all squirrelly and low to the ground and almost goblin like like I can see it.

That is the end of round two, guys, which means I need to roll again. Here we go. It is a crit 20. Zozo is up first, then Crave. So you're pressing the advantage. Well, if my shadows won't burn you, maybe they can blind you. And he's going to yell. He's going to get sand, shadow darkness. And he's going to cast darkness centered on himself, which means specifically that in a 15 foot radius sphere around himself and you just hear Zozo kind of like snickering in the shadow and effectively, you can't see him now. You can't see around yourself either. And that was my action.

But I want to say I moved somewhere, but it's complicated with the table at this point. Why? Because Ryan can see. Oh, I see. I want to move around him and he's going to have to guess where Zozo is. And I didn't describe it properly, but like those black flames start becoming black shadows and they kind of like drape him and go on the ground and start rolling off like fog and it builds up in the air and creates that black cloud around them. I want to say when that happened, almost almost had been covering Roger's eyes with his hands so that Roger doesn't have to see this horrible event.

But when that happened, he stopped to applaud because, wow, that's really pretty cool. I made I gave you the status effect invisible. Ryan, can you still see him? I can. Yeah, I kind of figured. OK, well, I mean, we can, you know, role play it. Yeah, I trust Ryan. And so Zozo will move as silently as he can. I'm going to see he's just going to move here for now. Just like sidestep. It's kind of fading into that little little giggle fading into the darkness. Kriv, you're up. So that means I don't get my attack of opportunity. That's right. All right. I mean, I guess you can't.

Yeah. And the rules you have to see. Yeah. So that that gives them the advantage to kind of move in and out of opportunity while you know, that's good. That's that's smart. So not knowing where the hell all of this has come from, I just saw black fire pour out of from like in between, like his scales and then all of a sudden started creating this black fog. I'm going to move backwards. That is fair. It's a smart move. I'm just going to move backwards and probably my full movement. To try to like, I know that I have a longer weapon than he does, but I know he has magic.

So I'll move back. Just kicking it into reverse. Yeah. So I'll move back 20 feet, whatever that is. 20. Okay. That is the this is much more sporting than I thought it was going to be like for all the jokes I figured, you know, you know. It's got to be entertaining. Yeah. Guys, you don't even know behind a little behind the scenes talk. There has been so much trash talk about this fight that was upcoming and all the gifts all at least a gift a week. Yeah. I go. So we were at Home Depot today. I know it's a big shock. We were in Home Depot and Xavier posting. It's like, I know I'm getting diminishing returns by now, but like fucking crack me up.

Because a little behind the scenes again, every time like sessions would just get canceled like COVID ran wild like Hulkamania through our house, like schedules we get mixed up tech problems. And now it's like we finally do it. So it's like every time we get ready to do it's like, oh, you're going down. And then it's like hard to get hyped up after a while. Guys, into round four. Let's see how you roll. Oh, my goodness. Uh, crib with a six. Those are with a five. It's crib then. So, so. Okay. Nice. You still are a cloud of darkness. It's true. Um, that's always been true of so-so though.

Really? That's true. Thank you for noticing. So I have a question. Jason with detect magic. Is that something that I could use and zero in on? Or magical cloud kind of make everything muddy where it wouldn't be any use. Do I have an inkling as to which one it would be? So okay. I would do this for you. I think the higher the role, the higher the arcana role. I think like it would be hotter, colder, right? So you know, the cloud is magic. It's like, well, duh. But like, let's say you roll a 10 and it's like, well, you got it into these four squares. 15. It's like, yeah, you know what I mean?

Like you'd be, it's like radar. Okay. So if you'd like to do that. Okay. Nevermind. Can't do that. I'm not gonna do that. Um, there's nothing much that I can do except just go in there and swing wildly. Do you have a grenade or anything? Well, funny you should say that. Um, you have that potion. I think we don't know what it does. I don't. But what if it buffs him? It just gets bigger, a strengthening splash potion. Um, so as I'm back here, sure. I have something that I have not used at all and I didn't know when I would ever be able to see you'd be able to use this.

It's something that does not see the light of day very often, but I think it's very fitting in this situation. I'm going to reach at like the bottom side behind the bottom side of like my backpack and grab something and then I'm going to just kind of fling my arm around and Chuck it into the near the middle of the circle and it's a net. Oh, that's genius. Okay. Let's do some measurements. How big is net? You have no clue. You know what? That's fine. Well, I don't think, okay. I think it's been years since someone's cast net. It's just kind of one of those things.

It's like, nobody's going to use a net. That is genius. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for that. Holy shit. That's great. Okay. Net, uh, range 515. So disadvantage at 15 up to 15. Okay. So I may have to move a little bit closer, but I'd like edge toward the darkness. Yeah. I'd move right on the edge of it and then just kind of throw it towards the middle. Okay. Uh, I'm trying to look up net to see like how big. Yeah. It says a range is a throne weapon, uh, range 515. So like no disadvantage at five disadvantage of up to 15 can't throw past 15, but 15 is a radius for the thing.

So you'd hit the center with disadvantage. So I'll tell you what, I think it's only fair. So it's a, it's a throne attack, right? Yeah. It's arranged. Okay. I think it's only fair that you roll with disadvantage. Okay. But if you pull this off, it's cool. You're a rock star, right? Like, Ooh, seven. Oh, that's not. So those was going to watch a net fly into like, it'll probably be next to him. Right? Like it's like a space like, like, so, so, so it's good to grin and say, Oh, now you got me. Can I get, okay. Let's deceive. Right? I mean, is Clover listening? Oh yeah.

She I'm like, Let's get a deception check. Clover is going to be ringside. He's lying. So I guess if it beats your passive insight, yeah. Whatever your insight is plus 10, like, I don't know. Yeah. I don't remember the lying rules. Well, I'm making it up. I don't care. I don't think that's what it is. 14. Okay. So all you guys, so you have a plus five to your deception, I believe as Zozo. Uh, something like that. This is interesting. Uh, yep. So you got to roll a 10 or higher, 11 or higher. Roll normal. Fuck. That's a 21. And something all Zozo so far. This is wow.

He's going to learn soon enough that that's not true. This is the cash. I think clovers on the sidelines like, like something goes, that sounds wrong. Is that wrong? I can't see, but that's something. And just kind of rubbing her ear like itches. You okay? It makes my ear itch. This is a weird fight. Yeah, sure. That'd be great if we could see the fight. So here's what I'm going to do because that deception was successful. I'm going to give Zozo advantage on his next attack. I think that's only fair. Yeah. Well, in Cribs, cause there might be like a little like play with that Cribs going to kind of raise his spirit to like a ha a very like an active stance is by can do an active stance and just take like two big steps into this.

So he's going to now be inside the darkness. Oh no. Okay. Well, my darkness, guys, it is round five. Here we go. Zosa. Oh wait, hold on. Sorry. No, it's, it's a. Zozo's up first 15 to 11. All right. Zozo will start kind of like running circles around a Crib. Oh no, better than that. He's going to run past him and do the like drive by like samurai, like shwink. Yeah. Oh, okay. And with advantage, he gets his sneak attack too. If he hits. Oh no. It's not, it's not a lot of damage. Well, so one, two, three, four. I'm going to go here outside the dark. I mean, the darkness moves with me.

Cause I am, I concentrated on me. I am the darkness. Yes. So it'll move with me, but I'm keeping Crib inside of it. Ooh, baby. Okay. Um, with advantage, I don't think I have darkness. Right. So I'll leave that. I'll get you in your hands. Okay. So I'm going to do that inventory. Gray pier Katana attack with advantage. 25. Almost a Crib. And to do that, normal. Oh, max damage for the sneak attack. Six. So six plus my decks, three sets, nine plus one because of my improved packed weapon. That's 10 plus six, 16. So 16 damage in total. God. Okay. Sorry, Ryan. You made me do this.

Oh, that brings Crib down to three hit points still in the darkness. Uh, what's it's it's it's Crib's turn. What's what's the play? Oh, um, I'm split. Not yet. You still got three hit. Yeah. Do I call a ceasefire? But also at the same time, I haven't even got a hit on Zozo. That it's a bad look. Well, not only would it be a bad look, but it's like, how much of a confidence boost would it be for this weasel? That's a fair question. I need a name to consult. Okay. Eleven. What's eleven? Tell us. Uh, he's going for one more. Okay. So ladies and gentlemen, it all comes down to this.

Yeah. I still don't know where he is either. That's that's a problem. Yeah. Now you can leave the darkness and try from outside. You can stay in the darkness. Either way, you're getting disadvantage. Is the darkness concentration? It is. So if you did hit him, there's a chance he could drop that. Yeah. Hmm. It's a it's it's it's a big decision. Okay. All right. Well, I just got attacked from the back, so he's gonna move to the right. So here's his question. Question that might solve a lot of this. Does Kriv still have his super hearing? Oh, shit. I forgot about that.

Oh, my God. You're right. Could he pinpoint me? Still a dare devil? This shit? Hold on. Okay. Do over know what? Shit. Hold on. Okay. Well, I mean, there's a bit of a penalty because Ryan didn't remember this, but you're right. God Xavier. So here's what we're going to do. Man, you know what I'm going to get? I'm going to get like a wolf. I'm just going to give you heightened senses, right? So here's what we'll do. I want you to roll a perception check with advantage. If it's a 15 or higher, you're going to get advantage on an attack. Okay. Okay. 15. Oh, holy shit. This is earned.

Okay. I think I'm going to do something before I do the attack. So getting hit from the back, he's going to take a couple of steps forward and then turn around and he's going to again, conjure a slightly brighter ball at this point in his hand. He's going to just like smack his chest as like a kind of like the war. Almost like when you're beating the shield, it's kind of like you're hulking up. Yeah. He's going to smack his hand against his chest. And that is going to be a lay on hands for 20. So he's at 23. So I do have to bring something up. Okay. You had a concentration spell on you.

Shield of faith. You got a role to see if you keep that. What is the concentration? Constitution check. Let's say 10 DC 10 or half to damage if it's 21 or higher, I believe. Yeah. And it wasn't 21. It was thankfully only 16. ability check. So it's a constitution saving throw. Yeah. It's a saving throw. Okay. So I'm going to go ahead and move on. You. Oh my God. So that's okay. So we're dropping. Yeah, we're dropping shield of faith. Sorry. I had to. No, no, no, absolutely. I already thought that that was gone. So so shield of faith is dropped, but he's also healed 20.

So he's okay. At full health. And to kind of signify him understanding where Zozo is in this, he's going to close his eyes for a second and just kind of breathe and then sharply open up his eyes and that will be the end of his turn. So I imagine like I imagine like as he's running by, you hear that like wet, like pat, pat, pat, pat, pat of like footsteps in the muddy like or I mean, I almost hear him. I hear his breath. God, this is so fucking cool, guys. Good job. Here we go. Round six. Oh, eight to two. Whoo. Zozo then Criv. Okay. So you focus in on Zozo's like sounds you hear like the shifts in his leathers and his feet, kind of like his his claws, like grasping the dirt.

And then you like immediately hear him start like running again towards you. Okay. Can I reach you? One, two, three, four, five, six. Yeah. Basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're fine. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And yeah, he stops. He's right next to you when he swings. Okay. You'll get advantage anyway. And I swing. I have a question, though, with that, since I now know where he is, since he's entering. Oh, no, I have sentinel. Oh, yeah, that you'd get advantage against that. You have an opportunity attack. Yeah, it's rules as written. You decide. It says if you can't see it can't.

But because of the it's basically got almost blind sense, right? Yeah, it's almost like like like tremor sense or something almost like I think it I'm going to say go just because like you made the check. Now I have a follow up question. Do I only get advantage on one attack? And if I can, can I not use it for this? Roll the D 20 for me. Okay. So if it's an 11 or higher, you get it twice. Oh, fuck. That's a 14. Okay. So I would put it like, okay, you've you've sent it yourself. You realize it's like I can hear his little pitpats. Like so, you know, you're focusing it.

So like he's running towards you. So he's making more noise. So I would even kind of like, okay, he's going to stop where he stops. So you get the you get the hey, pokey poke, get away from me. But you also know he's right there. So I think you'll win it's return still. Okay. Yeah. That's how I would reason it. The attack for that. Oh, 18. Yeah, that's a hit. Okay. I'm going to roll damage. Top it. About damn time. It's been something. 10 damage. Holy shit. Who? I'm going to roll Constitution saving throw. Now also, if you got hit by one of my opportunity attacks, your speed becomes zero for the rest of the turn.

Okay. That's where you took damage. So you're 10 feet away from me. That's also fair. So I cannot attack. Oof. So for those of you out there, that was a crit on your con saving throw. You're fine. You still got the darkness, the darkness. But then he stopped. So I guess technically still my turn then. Yeah, but I cannot reach you. Yeah, your speed still zero. But yeah, you still have an action. He's going to go. You'll hear him like wince and pain like. And playing chess here. This is can I say this? This is the best one on one fight in Dnd I've ever seen. Can I just tell you I've been in the game for a while, guys.

And let me tell you, I didn't know how these things where we're like standing five feet away from each other and just like and. Oh, yeah, oh, no, just this is not Rock'em Sock'em Robots. This is really good. I did not expect the darkness thing. Not at all. No one expects the darkness. Yeah, there you go. OK, you're going to him whisper to himself almost. I didn't want to have to do this. And he'll start kind of like you'll hear. Like gagging sounds like gurgling. And then like bubbling liquid sounds. And then you'll get sprayed in the darkness with a ray, a line of acid, acid breath.

But you can you can also hear him kind of like whelp. As if it was very painful to do. This is a dexterity save, by the way. My strong suit, I believe so. Yeah, this. Yeah, so it's going to be DC. 11, not too hard. Oh, well, that's still hard for Kripp. It's still a negative one, whatever you roll. So you still got to roll. Oh, well, oh, my God. That was negative one. Eleven just beats the DC. Great. So that'll be half damage. OK. Yeah. No resistance against that. Normal damage. That's five. So two big damage. I like to think he moves to the side and it hits the side of him where the scales are already fused and damaged.

Dick. I don't know if anything else, anything, anything else happens, Jason, just because we had this little chat thing the other day. I don't know if it does anything to Zozo for it beyond that. I want you to roll a con saving throw for me, please. Yes. Oh, sorry. There's. There it is. Oh, OK, that's a seven seven one. You're going to be in a lot of pain to we're going to get into later. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kripp, happen back half of round six. You have the advantage. OK, so it's been a roller coaster. Yeah. I pictured this kind of stab that he took this like first level opportunity attack was just strictly, you know, going back to the like the edgiest samurai ninja thing, right?

It's where he's sitting there and he just opened his eyes. You came running in and all he did was just one quick thrust out. He didn't move it just a quick thrust, like got your shoulder. And then while it's still there, you spit with acid. So he takes it out and then does one quick like spin where it goes from like the top right down to the bottom left and then back over and like a center thrust straightforward. Point of order, just real quick. Mandy Ryan, you are more than welcome to chime in in situations like this. You do not have to be muted. Your your commentary, your your oohs, aahs, giggles.

I love it. We are absolutely enjoying the show. We just don't want you to have to feel like you have to be muted. You're you're active participants. You're in the group. You're you're watching like like what I just typed in. Roger is clearly very worried and he's trying to rush in to help both of them and almost having a bit of a time holding Roger back from going into break it up. Yeah, we're just like, right. Anything anyway. I know Roger's very upset. Please help. Please, please, please help me hold them back. Gets you apples later. Roger, sit, sit. Good. So Pike attack with advantage.

Hope I get something. 18, 18 again. So because he's had heightened senses. Oh, just before impact, the tip of this pipe is going to start to glow green for a divine smite added on top. Oh, so we've taken the gloves off. Oh, yeah. Thinking off when he healed himself. Yeah, that's yeah, that that's fair. Although his luck was bad enough leading up to that, it's like four straight rounds of kicking ass. So like that. Yeah. So that's going to be two to eight radiant damage because it's just at the first level. Right, man. I've been out of spells for so long. This is the last spell that I can I can cast.

So the two to eight to add on. Holy shit. 15. Oh, my God. And then the hike and then damage at normal. That's my seven nine. Oh, God. Hammer. Don't hurt him. Oh, oh, oh, one t for damage. Jeez. That will knock Zozo out. Oh, impossible. And I know so Zozo is not going to hear this. Right. But as he makes contact, Chris is going to say there's a difference between protecting the weak and and sorry, geez, and encouraging the weak. So I can say that again. I'll let it there's a difference between protecting the weak and encouraging the weak, like as he makes contact and as he starts to fall over.

And like when you say that, like I can I can I can I give you one more? Like those are falls and the darkness dissipate around them. And what the rest of the group sees is a triumphant Crave saying that line to Zozo's body on the ground. Oh, OK. Well, medicine time. Yeah. And Cooper's like, good job, guys. Good job. So real quick for everyone else, it was Crave and Zozo stood there. They came running at each other, exchanged like two blows, cloud of darkness, darkness, Zozo's on the ground, Crib standing more or less. I imagine they heard stuff like, yeah, probably a lot of trash.

You know what I mean? Yeah. The occasional spell named. That's all your gentleman was. Good job. Holy shit. And now I can say I'm a warlock role in the intros. Hey, nice. For no reason, I set this limit on myself. I put it a limit on myself to you. Like, hmm. No, keep it. Keep it. You keep it. Yeah. Omo bandages you and talks very positively about how you're going to get up and get better in no time. And the bandages are actually super horrible. But the you actually regain that much. Three points, which is basically it's like here's a cold glass of water on your face, basically.

Yes. There you go, buddy. You did a great job. Great. Not great enough, but great. It was a good fight. It also kind of puts his hand up to like to like stop talking. High five. Yeah. He'll roll over to his side. Damn it. And then he'll do the animate. You should be proud fighter. Here. Do you want do you want do you want Roger to help you out? He's a good helper. Oh, Roger, kiss his time. Everybody. Shut up. Yeah. Hey, everybody, be quiet. So why reset the quality? Crip has something to say, but like everyone else could probably tell that he has something to say, but Chris is not going to say it at this point because he knows the way that sozo is.

So he's not going to help him up. He's not going to do anything else. He's just going to now start to use that pike as a walking stick and like panting and everything else. Use that to walk over to the side and then like sit down under one of the trees. OK. OK, Paul's. So the good news here is that was 10 times the fight that I thought that was going to be. Holy shit. Hats off to you. Seriously. That did eat up half of our session. So what? Like, just OK, metal wise. Yeah, that was great. Like continuity story wise, that's so good. It's so good. Like sozo pulls ahead early on that.

Yeah, it was a sports. It was a sport. It was much better than I ever thought it would. Yeah. And Xavier, you held on with like three hit points, I think. Oh, yeah, that was great. Xavier, can I give you inspiration for being a good sport and reminding Ryan that that was the turn of it? That was good. That was. I'll take it. Thank you kindly. So for everyone, everyone listening at this point and watching at this point, please know that this is something that I think we stated this last time, right? There's no animosity between Xavier and I. You would have heard us negotiate for rules a lot harder if there was.

Yeah, I don't think I don't think you get people trying to help each other, attack each other if you get. Look, the days of there being animosity between cast members and things like this are quite over. Like I'm in my 40s now. I'm not doing that shit. Susan's my arch enemy. I've only got room for one. That's why you can't be on a group together. We know that. Like I had two Ryans on a group to avoid the Susan conflict. I just want to bask in the afterglow of this. Hold on. I mean, sorry for Mandy and Ryan. I mean, I got to watch this. That was cool. That was like when we that's the other thing.

Like when we sit down, what I want to do is I was going to do a whole thing with Mandy and Ryan while this is going like towards the end of it, because there's a whole thing with a lamp, a whole thing like, oh, you guys were licking things like I have a lick counter on this side that I've been. Don't bite it. Oh, but it feels so good. It's minty. When it gets edited on the on the visual, we just need a little counter with just a little Yoshi head counter because every time that Mandy does it, it's just a little. What I'll do is I'll just jump in after effects, add a little Yoshi tongue to Mandy's face.

Yes. I accept. You. So, OK, you best believe for this fight, I'm going full like MMA sports breakdown with you guys. Like, I am going nuts on this. Like, I can't wait. Like I have time to do some editing stuff. So like, oh, go ahead. Sorry. I feel like we didn't get too excited. Ryan and I like there's probably moments where we should have been like, oh, yeah, no, I guess we're both very because you guys were sitting there like I know almost everything that was going through my head was like, oh, fuck, what do I do now? I was expecting it like an old wrestling like kind of like promo with each of you like being just talking straight to the camera on the screen for a second there.

Like I was envisioning that earlier on. So what I might do as the lead up to this episode, like I might do something like that with each of you, like like it's like, oh, this airing this Saturday. What is Ryan have to say? What do you mean? Like, dumb, like real. Let go nuts. Because this this will not disappoint. You know what I mean? Like this is that good to me. So cool. I think that's one of the things that I was afraid of and why I didn't want to hype it up is because I was afraid that it was just going to turn into one of those things where it's like, OK, well, one hit and down or it was just going to be, you know, just like a pop, pop, pop, pop.

Again, like that's when we were going to switch up when we switched over to cortex, that's kind of shit we thought about is like those one on one fights. And you guys made it work in in five fucking hands off. Yeah, because this system is not meant to have one on one fights. No, no. So it is just after this fight. So-so's down, Criv standing tall. The rain is coming down. There's there's kind of a like a like a distant lightning strike, a little bit of thunder, but it's it's mostly just rain. Let me ask before we do anything else. What is it like? How long of a silence is there?

What's the general vibe like after you? You basically like you you had your one liner and then so-so's down. Do you walk away? Do you know what is like everybody on the sidelines? What are they doing? What's Roger think? So Criv starting off like as soon as this happens, like he's going to give a glance down to Zozo. He says the one liner. He makes sure that he's not dead. Right. And then as soon as he gets the visual cue that, OK, well, he's still alive. He's just unconscious. He's just going to use his bike as a walking stick and just kind of limp off to the side, put his back into the tree and then just kind of slide down and start to collect himself.

On the other hand, after Elmo gave a healing word to Zozo and so it was like coughing blood, kind of like shoving them away, like shut up, get away from me and heal by himself like he doesn't want to help. And he'll like with his forearms, brace himself and slowly get back up on his feet. His whole body is aching. He's he's got he got stabbed. It's still I mean, he's got magically healed, but it still hurts, you know, on the inside and the outside. Oh, yeah, and through the back probably too. And yeah, in utter silence, he'll go to like somewhere like 20 feet, 30 feet away from the group, like find it, finds his own tree to lean against and to collect himself as well, but like his back to the party.

That's an actual that's a really interesting point. Like we've mentioned it before in the show, but getting getting healed, like through a lay on hands or whatever, it seals up the wound and stuff. There usually is a scar, but it isn't isn't a spell to make you feel good. It's just it's just like, hey, this will keep you alive. Everything's fine. It is not a spa day. So like that's good. Like it's a good reminder every once in a while. It's like it still hurts. But shit like it's you know what I mean? And we were getting it like a pretty well, too. So it wasn't even like it was one sided.

So I think both of us just kind of collecting and just kind of dealing with the pain at this point. Yeah. And so you got a thing going on inside, too, that he's probably struggling with at the moment physically, not just emotionally. You got some heartburn there. Is that a little heartburn? Yeah. I need some thumbs. So what about what about Clover? What about what about Alamo? Well, Clover, you know, she had spent the entire fight basically. You know, those people who watch movies and then they constantly make what are they doing? What's going on? I don't get it.

She's like that. So she did the whole time. It's like they couldn't see anything and just, oh, where'd they go? What is that? What is the darkness made out of? Is it can I touch it? Is it like like licorice, cotton candy? Because that'd be great. I want some cotton candy. Yeah. There is a term for people like that. They're called lonely. I look I, I, I talk a tiny bit during movies. I won't. But that like, unless it's a special Dragon Con shit fest, like, don't do that. Yeah. Like you're allowed to talk during the Dragon Con movie because it is garbage. Anywho, Alamo.

Alamo was doing his best to keep up with the answers that he thought he knew or making up best guesses when Cloverwood asked them and otherwise was alternately, if you remember trying to shield Roger's eyes so he didn't have to see this and keep Roger from charging in and being too protective of both of you. And honestly, you two should be ashamed of yourself for putting him through that. It's he's, he's going to be, he's a hurt goat now. And I imagine that right now he's now that everybody is kind of recovering a little bit. There's a little bit of like telling Roger that it's okay.

They're going to be fine. What do you think? Cause you tell Roger, it's going to be fine, right? They're probably done with the with what sounded a lot like fighting and they certainly look hurt enough. So it was probably a very good fight that we couldn't see at all. That's what I think. Yeah, I think they're fine. Except Zoza got really stabbed and I don't think that's great. So is he going to die? Well, no, but he, he might've if he got stabbed more, but it looks like the stabbing stopped at just the right time for not dead. Oh, that's good. Yeah. It's not fun getting stabbed.

I used to get stabbed all the time. I remember it was so rough. Yeah. Did I tell you I got stabbed a few times before? Why? Well, but you know, when you, when you're out with the band that goes touring a lot, sometimes people get rowdy. And sometimes when you're the guy that has to get in the way of the band and say, whoa, guys, don't hit the band. Sometimes enthusiastic people stab you. Like maybe somebody was like, Hey, what's the person I'm dating doing with the band like that instead of being here with me and whoa, how do we want to get into it more than that?

Okay. Music is violent. Got it. Okay. I mean, violence is everything. Music is awesome. Like music and oh man, I miss taking out the band. Okay. Violence is everything. Got it. What? Hmm. Can I get a shirt that says violence is everything? With like Clover's smiling face? Yeah. I mean, coming soon in the DNR shirt store. And we got to have, it's been a while. We're holding like a flower. Yeah. I would get that shirt. Violence is everything. Yeah. Just yeah. The whole like a character portrait with the flower. Violence is everything. That's right. And it's live on the store now.

No. Shit. I'll get on it. You wake up tomorrow. What is this note saying? Violence is everything. What happened even? You can either do the shirt or mute me and just like record over it like two months from now. We already gave you the audio. So I imagine like while they're talking, Omu would have set his bag down and he kind of looks at it and he like notices something and he looks over and he opens it up and this bright light shines into the sky and he goes, Oh yeah. Okay later. He closes it again and the light is no longer shining bright up into the sky.

That lamp. That lamp. That lamp. I'm going to give you guys a choice. We can do one of two things. We can either play out the rest of the, yep, we could play out the rest of the day and we can kind of check in with everybody. Just make sure that there isn't anything we're forgetting or we can skip forward to the next morning where your convoy is going to be taking off. I have like just a line or two with Criv like after a lot, like there's some time passes. I assume we're not just like wrapping up now and leaving, but like, no, no. Before the day ends or before we reconvene like Zozo would have a word with Criv.

And arms crossed, not looking directly at Criv. All right, great fight. You're strong Criv. You're the leader again, but I got what I wanted and you need me now. And when this is all over, I'm not part of this traveling band of entertainers. I'm on my way again. But as long as we're doing this, I'll follow your lead. So Criv just kind of nods his head a little bit, just kind of slowly as he's talking through all of this. He stands up and he extends his hand out for one of the big handshakes. You almost had me. If it wasn't because of one quick heal that I had, the fight would have been yours.

I know. So good. He shakes your hand. OK. And then he'll like as that's happening, right, you're given the big handshake. He'll take one take his other hand and just kind of like pat your shoulder. And I thank you for staying. We are going to need someone with your talent. And yours. He looks at the other two in the group. Not so certain about theirs. We got to use it. Got to protect the weak. And in the meantime, over there, almost saying to Clover. So I heard that Zozo was asking his little Ruth of Marwifu to say that he was very strong and did a good job and deserves all the credit in the world.

And honestly, I love that he has that. I like that too. Especially I like when he pulls off the thing because the thing has got these big pillows. Yeah, they're here. Can I get pillows like that? Sure. Why not? I bet they sell pillows like crazy here. Yeah. Can we go look for some? I think of all the naps I could have if I had some chest pillows. Anywhere you were. Yeah. Like never be great for your back. Definitely great for your back. So Kriv hears all of this. Like it doesn't matter how far you are away from the group, like with the extra hearing, he's going to hear all of this.

And so like Kriv and Zozo are going to have their little moment and then they kind of look over the camera, zooms through them and shows this and then pulls right back and you just see Kriv's head just sink. Hello. Uhhhhh, Olmo. Hello. Can I get a flat D20 from you? No modifiers, no nothing, nothing fancy? It could make me happier. Let's do this. Here you go. That one right there. A six? You sure? That's the one? Well, I mean, I was trying to roll you a seven, so honestly, plus or minus one is pretty good. OK. So your backpack is going to start to shake, like just kind of like tremble, like tremor.

Hold on, let me move this right over here. Oh, that feels great. Oh, that spot was sore. Which one of you has a sore back? You have to try this. Oh, and then what is in your backpack? I don't know, but it feels awesome. Open it up now. OK, wow. Oh, whoa. Oh, it's yeah, just a just a blinding light, just kind of a kind of a. At this point, it's not just omni directional, it is shooting up into the sky. I'm going to give three people out there a a visual. If anyone watched SummerSlam, 1994 was the undertaker versus the undertaker. Leslie Nielsen was looking for the it.

So a guy named Paul Bearer had this magical urn and there was a spotlight that shot out of it. All three people who remember that. Thank you. Right in. Well, let me know. But the only thing everybody else has to know is it's like the bat signal. Think about that. Like it's just a boom. It's just much more. So, OK, more more of a Batman crowd. OK, cool, cool. Here you go, Chris. It's right here. Look at this. You booker. Oh, what? Oh, sorry. Put his hand out. Look away. Oh, what do you think? It still tastes like mint. Oh, it probably does. Hold on. Let me get it. And he reaches in.

Oh, OK. Here we go. Whoa. Rick, there is a thick like a deep blue smoke that is going to start to pour out of this thing. I love that. It's kind of it looks like the smoke has a weight to it because it's going to start to kind of like pull at your feet and kind of swirl around almost. And then it is going to very suddenly kind of pull together and start to take shape. And this this this the trail of smoke is going to stay, but the top portion, there's this big, beefy, bald gentleman. And the entire thing is wrapped around Omo like it's anchored to him. But off to the side there, like like a big entrance, right?

Like kind of sliding into the room type of thing, just big and and kind of boisterous. And there is this thundering voice that comes with actually, you know what? Oh, let me see. Hold on. Let's let's try this. Yes, do it. I am the great Cosmentor. Yes. The ninth plane, the power cosmic. Oh, you're awesome. I know. Chris, those oh and go, what the hell is going is this your fault? Yeah, those are looks back at you like stunned like he is he is odd like he he he. That guy's odd. That's he's a weird guy. So there is an almost uncomfortable silence where Cosmentor doesn't look at any of you.

It's more just ha like just very much. It's like, OK, I'll allow you to bask in my presence for a few moments. The entrance. Absolutely. You have summoned me from the lamp and thus you will receive a series of wishes, each more grandiose and impressive than the last. Please, master. Oh, make your first wish. OK, well, a cousin, what should I wish for? No, no, no. Oh, you should get a candy, one that tastes like grape. Just one. Yeah. Oh, wait. No, no, wait, wait. And she she counts. OK, me, you, Roger, so, so, Crib and Blue Buddy, six, six candies. You guys want candies?

What is I'll take it if they don't want it. We would wish for a delicious grape candy for each of us. You can get one for yourself if you want one. Yeah. Just sweet treats. This is the final wording of your wish, master. Oh, is that did I wish it wrong? Oh, no. Sounded good to me. There are no wrong wishes. OK. Wow. You say it like that, it feels like, wow. Yes, I wish for each of us to what? What? No, no, no. What? Let's let's do you think, Roger? Do you think Roger's allergic to grape candies? No, I've always given to him. His tongue turns blue. It's cool. Oh, good.

Oh, I like that. Yeah. Right. Yeah, it's really great. So, so taps on Chris back and goes like, yeah, this one's yours. Yeah, this couldn't have happened right afterwards. Wait. OK, Chris, going to like walk over there and try to get in between them if he can. What all know and cosment or yes, like, hold on, hold on. Can I? Cos, cosment or can I speak to him for a minute, please? Well, that was really polite, so I don't see why not. Yeah. Cosment or is this what he just wants to talk to you for a minute and and we'll try and make sure that we think of the very clever, important wording for how to ask for a great candy for everybody.

Yeah. It is excellent to meet you, I look forward to giving you candies. Oh, boy. OK. OK. Candies. So happy. OK, that's good. OK. And then like turns and looks at Omo. Can I can I speak to you over here? Me? Yes. So over here by this tree and then he turns over to Clover and you two. But I want to talk to a mentee. No, over here. But I wanted to talk about my. No, no. OK. She'll follow scuffing her shoe or not. She wears she's scuffing her giant shoes of dragon shoes. Dragon shoes. Yeah. Yeah. Look forward to that in the new book. Shoes of dragon shoes. Shoes. I was like, I was like, their feet would be big.

Oh, well, somebody else's problem. Fuck you, cobblers. So Grant takes you takes both of you over to like a tree, another landmark and cause mentor can probably hear this. What the fuck have you done? We have a new friend. Yeah. No, remember, because we took the lamp into town and then we were told to lick it. And and that's what we were doing. And then it did. It was awesome. It was very sparkly. Like it was like right there on your tongue. It felt kind of cool and it tasted delicious. And after we did that a while, Cosmentor showed up. You remember you were there when we found out about that.

Do you think his smoke tastes like mint? Do you think he'd let me taste it? You could ask. She turns around. He kind of like faces 90 degrees and like puts his hand like his fingers on his temple and just starts rubbing it and kind of like paces back and forth. And while he's doing all that, it's just like, oh, my God, they are licking magical objects that they don't know. You were right there when we were told how to do it. Why didn't you say not to then? Because it's common sense. It's really cool. You look at the lights up and it's sparkly. Like why would you not do that?

It's so cool. And now we have to tell you. She would tell me what not to lick, not what I can lick. Exactly. And nobody said you can't lick this. Do you know anything about this? Cosment or yes, kind of like that big point. He's he's he's our new friend. He wants to give us a series of grandi grandi wishes and he will give us candy. And we're not. Oh, I remember I remember we're not supposed to share drinks with him or food with him or something like that. There was because we were told the rule and one of them was we're not supposed to share food with him.

So maybe five candy. Well, yeah, maybe we have to get our own candy separate from his candy and let him know he can get his own candy as part of the. OK, that's a good idea. Yeah. OK, I like that. OK. Oh, what if. Oh, what if the first wish is to understand all the rules? That's too much effort. Yeah, you're right. Sounds like studying. No, well, no, it's not. It's like it's like having like a given a cheat sheet and just putting it in your brain right away without having to do all the study. How can I get you to understand this a little bit more? Yeah. What if.

Oh, wait, sorry. What's what's your. You asked for that knowledge in the form of candy. Then you eat it and you gain all the knowledge. Oh, wow. Oh, that's so cool. Also something that's why you're in charge and we are on a mission. Yes, we're looking for stuff. There are key objects that could help us if we know the location of those. But also I'm hungry and I could like. Yes. Why would we use wishes for something that you have in your pack? It does. Well flavored. I'm I'm getting a lot of anger out of you right now, Criv. And and I'm actually kind of concerned about this.

You know what? You sound kind of like Zozo right there. And it gives us a little little vein. Yeah, yeah. And I didn't think dragons could do that because we got scales. But man, it just goes. And it's like, wow. I kind of want to poke it. But then I think he would fight me. Yeah. Please. No biting, by the way. This is fantastic. I can remove that vein from your skull. What a guy. No. OK, OK, so Cosmentor. And then he walks away. Oh, no, no one's going to die. OK, so Cosmentor, do you understand what we're trying to ask for? A lot was said. Oh, yeah, we talk a lot. Yeah, sure.

So remember how we asked if each of us could have a piece of candy? Vividly. Oh, so cool. All right. What if eating the candy, each of us got a piece of candy and when we ate the candy, we understood what the rulebook said for the rules of how to appropriately talk and deal and do things with you so that we don't break any of the rules. Is this the wording of your first wish? No, I'm I'm I am asking you what the wording for that wish should be to get the thing I want. Yeah. Foolproof. Is that Sun-Red Cousin? That sounds good to me. OK. Yeah. That actually breaks rule 602.

Oh, I'm sorry, Cos. But you'll know that. Yeah. When you eat the candy. OK, so I make that wish that. Simply say the word I wish. Wish granted. So in front of you, it's going to be this delightful floating silver tray and he's going to take the lid off of it. And there's these these little kind of they almost look like very small jawbreakers glued together. So they look like they look like atoms almost. But they are like a yeah, like a dark purple, a light purple. But they they smell like there is a very heavy, almost a Jolly Rancher style grape artificial scent, not like any actual fruit, but like the you know what?

We all agree to be grape flavored. And there's there's one for all of you, including Roger. Good old Roger. Roger is going to be talking by the end of this, I guarantee it. Clover eats hers immediately. Yeah. Oh, fantastic. I hold mine and wait to see what happens. Crib does the same. Roger, here you go. No, you have to do you have to do a catch and crunch. Oh, right. That's how Roger likes it. Right. OK, Roger will and trained might be a strong term, but Roger will catch this and just start chomping down on it. Roger's got strong teeth and square demon eyes. So he's he's really like he's really zoned in on this.

Like he's he's so crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. He knows eating and rules for dealing with Kuzmentor now. That's it. So it's that's and that's and cuddles. And a couple of seconds is going to go by. And Roger is going to say. It was obviously a good idea. It sounds kind of like someone's vomiting in German backwards. So like. But he is very clearly trying to speak. And you know what? Everybody give me give me give me just a raw intelligence check. We're looking for we're looking for 14 or higher. Ah, perfect. Oh, oh. So we got let's see, six, four, two and three.

That's the group I fell in love with. Wait, mine. How come I can't get my door open? Come on. Oh, hold on. Oh, that was that was Ryan's first. That was OK. You're right. You're right. So it was a full three. And, yep, Mandy is going to knock this out of the park ending. Wait, I just want to take the straight. Wait, it's a new day. No, it's the same. We did that. OK, it's the same session. Oh, good point. Yes. Well, what would you what's the skill that Clover has? Well, why is it like a Colombo? OK, click on the word intelligence. Oh, God, it got it. Got it. There you go.

I was like, oh, there we go. Yeah. Excellent job. So I stand corrected. It's four, two, three, three. So that so none of you guys are going to know what the hell this this is. But a lot of you. Are like, OK, I'm sorry, not a lot of you, Olmo and Clover. Whenever you start to think about interacting with Cosmentor or the rules or something like that, stuff's going to start to like pop into your head. But it's going to be in a language you don't know. It's it's it's it's it's like gobbledygook, it's gibberish, it's it's it sounds. It sounds demonic. It sounds like it's, you know, so.

So what would what just happened to Roger? Say something. Roger, don't don't speak with your mouth full. Swallow first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, he's dead. OK, that was Roger or you doing Mandy. No, no, no, that is that is Roger. That is definitely Roger every once in a while. Like he's still got he's still got some some grape candy in his. So he's doing that. But every once in a while, it's like, like he is focusing like his demon little square eyes are looking right at you. And it like matter of fact, he's like, Roger, if if we get him on a stage, we are going to be so rich.

So you know how to wish for that, then? No, we just take him there and wait for him to do make these. He's. OK, but what happened? You ate the thing. Oh, oh, yeah. It was OK, first of all, we put in our mouths, right? I put it in my mouth and like instantly like this, like there's like a flavor explosion, right? It's like like a sweetness. And you think that's what. How do I wish for something? How do you wish for something? Well, you just saw how we did it. It was like that. Why is Roger speaking the devil's language? That's awfully presumptuous. I don't know what language that is.

No, he's quite right. It's a vessel. Oh, thank you. That's useful. I speak abyssal. What? Or maybe infernal. Let me find my languages. Oh, they're very different. Yeah, there's yeah. I don't even where my languages feature attributes tab. Patrick, there's like size, senses, languages. It says abyssal on my sheet. Oh, oh, you would that. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, actually. So maybe you haven't spoken it in a while or maybe Roger is just bad at it. But maybe he's he's like a first year abyssal student. He's a he's a goat. Right. Oh, it's like, oh, you met me.

Like we were just going to get you said, go with the arms. That's fucking totally different. Like that's that's different. So I even think it's like, oh, that's supposed to be abyssal. Like you're just you know what I mean? It's like, you know, that's terrible. He is a goat. Be nice. Like just for establishing character a bit, I don't think those those ever spoke in abyssal, but like he can understand it and read it probably like instinctually because of, you know, the whole thing. Yes. Yes. So like deal is gimmick. So maybe there's like maybe there's like a few like a few minutes of like like.

Here's the thing. Abyssal is like. You know, that tiny class that like studied Latin in high school. Yeah. It's like, where are you going to run into that in the outside world? Right. But like, let me get my high school notebooks. Right. But like you've like it's like, OK, you've probably you know, you've you've read it or like you've like you've seen it in your head, but like you've never heard it spoken to you and you've never spoken to anybody. But like as you hear it, it's like, oh, yeah, I guess that's how that would sound. So you're going to piece together that.

What Roger's doing. Is reciting the rules for Cosmentor. In abyssal, because that was one of the languages in the book. And Olmo never specified what language he wanted the knowledge to be. So it's an abyssal. Well, they haven't exploded yet, so down the hatch. Wait. Savor it. You don't got to chop it right away. Let the flavor really settle in on your tongue. That's how you get the best. Yeah, it was really good. Minty, can I have another one? No. Yeah, I was going to eat this as well. Yeah, so that's that's going to start seeping into your brain pan there. And obviously, this is going to get the most out of this.

So this is kind of got an encyclopedic knowledge of the hundreds of pages of rules for Cosmentor and and probably the worst person in the group to have that knowledge. So what's interesting here is there's so many Cosmentor is not a bad guy, but Cosmentor technically has powers that rival the gods. Like we're talking about crazy amounts of power. And so there were over the centuries safeguards put in place. And there are safeguards on top of safeguards. Some of those safeguards contradict old safeguards. And so you get this cross thatch of information that Cosmentor technically has to obey, but it kind of makes him a prick sometimes.

Like he's not trying to be a prick. He's he's here to please. And he's got all this power and he just wants to impress. But at the same time, he's working with a lot of constraints. So that's what's going. Yes. Thank you. It's like several coders were bought in over over the. OK, it's like Elon Musk fired people who didn't write tens of thousands of lines of code because he thought that's what makes a good coder, not the straightest fucking line. But if I wrote code, that's what he thought. That's so it's like this, like Elon Musk ran Cosmentor. So it's the worst possible version of the thing.

Oh, so for eight gold, we get a blue checkmark. Got it. Yes. You can be verified on Cosmentor right now. Everyone chalk up eight dollars. Everyone and listeners, eight dollars. And you could be blue. Thank you. Oh, that's right. Got a word. Yeah. And now we're blue. How you worded. Yep. There you go. You're all Smurfs. On your lapel. So like, so I was going to massage his temples. I don't like going, oh, no, there's so much. I wish we understood that in languages we already understand. Does that work? So, OK, I will say this, OK, hold on. Hold on. Before you make another wish.

I'll be making a file means. OK, so here's here's the thing. So so can I get a Constitution saving throw, please? Oh, no. What have we done? This is so this is like an ice cream headache of information. This is like a lot of that's an 11. That's not terrible. Yeah. So you're not going to like fall over in pain, but just like you were doing, it's like, oh, no. Oh, God. Like there's like it's just rolling over you. First of all, it's in the language you've never spoken, but you instinctively know it. And secondly, it's just. Like, OK. If you ever walk by a park and it says, please do not poop in the fountain, that's because someone did it at some point and they had to write a rule.

So that's it's just rules and rules. It's like reading 20 years of Magic, the Gathering patches, like in a minute. It's like, oh, like it's that so. But you are going to get the the the hard and fast, like, OK, wait a minute with wishes, right? So wishes need fuel. Cosment or will break something down that. Is even tangentially related to the wish. You can't create matter from nothing, so he will do something to take matter and change it. After you make your first wish, you get six more, but you only have two weeks to make your wishes. And then not only do you die, if you don't make those wishes, because that is, you know.

One by one, everyone you love will be gifted to Cosment or as if it's being handed down generation to generation, if we die and they if if you die specifically. Oh, good. Yes. But they only get the remaining wishes you had. And they get they usually get like another week tacked on. OK. The good news is you can wish for almost anything. OK. But again, remember. Something like that to make that happen. Yeah. And Cosment or rule. Is there a rule that specifies if we can specify what breaks down for fuel? As long as it's within the wording of the wish. Otherwise, Cosment or is under no obligation to describe that.

So once you say the words, I wish and then follow it up when you stop speaking. Boom. That's it. The first one he has to ask, is that the final wording after that? He does not. Hmm. And does the wish have to come through Omo? Yes. OK. He has to say it. Yes. So so I almost was about to wish for another wish about understanding the rules. So I was going to like stop you. Like, stop, stop, shut up, shut up. Oh, oh, oh, oh. OK, we I'm starting to understand the rules, and if that book was written in the language that I can understand, maybe I should have read it in the first place.

But it's too late for that. You got two weeks to make six more wishes. OK. I think you you deserve to have a couple of those wishes for yourself. OK, cool. But I think we should save some for our endeavor. OK. Yes. Also, and then he sort of like does the rest of the exposition, but he starts with. Don't rush your wishes, but you'll die if you don't make all of them. Try for one every two days, I think is this pretty, you know, yeah. Let's see what we need as we progress. Like, let's let's have a milestone system for the wishes. I'm going to take it one step further.

You still have the notebook. Yeah. From when I right. Lost my hearing. Yeah. Why don't before you wish anything, you write it down. Right. And you get my signature yours and those those before you read it and clovers. I need to. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Can I read it? Do you think Roger could sign it? Wait, Roger can't hold a pen. He's a goat. Yeah. But he's good. Good boy. Good boy. Smart boy. Just because he is speaking gibberish does not mean that he can write. Should make. Oh, maybe we should do that one. No, no. Remember, so before you wish anything, you write it down. Right.

And we have to sign it. You guys have to say and then you can you can read it. OK. Yeah. Yeah. So I was going to double check with Roger real quick, like, hey, Roger, can you understand me? Can we can we talk or are you just regurgitating the rules? Hey, it's going to be there's going to be a second. Are you saying this in abyssal? Oh. I'll try. OK. Yeah. Again, once you hear it, it's like, yeah, I mean, I'm going to fuck up some of these verbs, but like you get it like, you know, ask where the library is. Yeah. They are star bibliotheca. So give me your best abyssal.

Well, I'm going to fuck up. That's really good. Oh, my God. I didn't I didn't know you were fluent. OK, geez. That's amazing. And and and Roger's going to like like, you know, goats always have that thousand yard stare, you know, because they're demons placed on earth. That's. No. Roger's going to look up and his eyes are going to focus on Zozo, and it's the creepiest fucking thing you've ever seen. Really? What's wrong? Like he's like it's like, yeah, bro, I hear you. Like that's like that's just. Oh, hell yeah. So good. It's like a frat boy. It's like, yeah, it's like even does a little like, oh, no, even does a little head nod.

There's a smile creeps on on Zozo's face. He's like, oh, but you and I will rule the world. Too much to go when he's not talking to you. He's reading page by page the rules. So it's like page five, like he is doing like one by one to, you know, go through all that. What a good boy. What a good boy. OK, so what I'm thinking, first of all, guys is asking if it's making one for for him to stay and be our best friend. OK, so that's that's oh, let me write it down. Last one. What? Yeah, save that last one. Save that for the end. I think that will be poetic. OK, yeah, I'm going to write it down in the book anyway.

I think whoever turns to cause mentor is like, are you going to bunk with us? We're going on a journey, you can sleep in, you can share. Alma has a really big sleeping bag. I like to sometimes go in because he's very warm. But and mine's not that big. So you can sleep with him. But I guess you could borrow my pillow. Yeah, because you got blue and blue like clouds and that's cool. Can I eat the clouds? Is that weird? Please do not vape cause mentor. That's fair, I guess. My physical home is the lamp, though if one of your wishes is for me to bed down with you, I can provide this service.

Usually this is for lonely adventurers, though. But sleepovers are okay. But if cause mentor does say so, cause mentor is worth the wish. I mean, aren't you lonely in your cup? You could just hang out with us. What if I just lick your thing? Will you just stay out? No, no. Only after the wish before we lick things like it is. It is a formality, but it has to be. It's in the rules. And she will just take the lamp and just look at him and go. No, no, no. I'm about to die here. Clover is going to break the web door. I have to be specific with you. Like the blinders on.

Right. I can't see. Look, no, you're paying attention to me. Oh, no licking things. She would do one last lick and then put it down. Like, get something. Oh, good. Cribs going to like put his hands up in the air and like flail them down and turn around and just start walking away and he's going to be mumbling to himself. Guys. I think that's a good time for us to stop for the evening. I think that combined with we have more than enough to work with. Yeah. Oh, the holy shit, because mentor is like my favorite thing ever. I need those settings of what you did for that.

Oh, sure. Yeah. It's so yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so perfect. It was clean. That was nice. I want to talk to him. I so clear I'm always worried I won't be able to understand those things when they when they're but it's crisp, beautiful. Yeah, I am so glad I fucks around with that for a while before I got something I was happy with. And then it's like, well, I guess I'll wait an eternity until this goddamn guy gets summoned. Then he started licking and I was like, yay. Do you hear yourself like you have like a I have that turned off. I have that turned off. So like once I.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, how it sounded. Not in a session. I knew beforehand, but it's totally different when I'm in a call with other people because like. Yeah. But I'm I'm so happy. I'm so happy. So happy. I'm going to bother him so much. We truly have two halves of an episode. We have this serious, badass fight, and then we have the flip of a switch. And we're back to being students. The recipe. So good. Recipe. Listen, take a while. Do you see what do you think? All most should be wishing for next? Oh, we can take a vote. Yeah, I'll say this. Six is a lot of like that is a lot.

You got chances to mess around. Yeah. Yeah. And we do have a pair of gauntlet. So if you want to ask for something big, can't read those. I mean, no, you could just say like take two tons of of of adamantine and turn it into the best. Well, if you remember, it has to be related to the thing in some some way. There has to be at least a little six degrees of Kevin Bacon in there. Like, you know, you can't just say take this dirt. And it's like, OK, like, come on. Like. (laughing)