A Bird in the Hand

This transcript is machine-generated and may contain errors in names, terminology, or attribution.

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Download Tinder today. - Thank you for tuning into the show. Of course, ad-free versions of this episode and all our episodes are available on our Patreon for just a dollar a month. That kind of thing means the world and it helps us keep the lights on. Of course, if you're watching on YouTube, make sure to like, subscribe, comment, and share, do all that good algorithm stuff. And without further ado, let's get on with the day's episode. (gentle music) (gentle music) - Let's do that thing where we go around the table and introduce ourselves. I'm Jason, I'm the Dungeon Master going around the table, starting with Brianna.

- Hi, I'm Brianna and I play runes, the Satan barbarian monk. - And Alex. - Hello, I'm Alex. I play K'Nan. I think I'm a warlock and I know I'm a human. (gentle music) - And Susan. - Hi, I'm Susan. I play Tamika Felderhand, the long-toothed sorcerer. - Yep. - I got it. I did it, guys. (laughing) - What's a long-tooth? - Oh, shifter sorcerer. - There we go, got it. - It sounded a little land before time for a second. - I'm looking at my D&D Beyond sheet. - Fuck that. - No, taint it. - How dare you? How dare you? - I had a moment of panic and I'm so sorry. - What's D&D Beyond?

What is that? - I take money grabbing. - Jasper? - Oh. - Word from our sponsor, D&D Beyond? - Aye, aye, aye. - I'm joking. - I'm Jasper and I do play Petrichor Mulch, the Vanali druid on Dungeons and Randomness. - The podcast. - I wish I was that poised. I'm so sorry. - He's got that New York City style. It's so laid back. - Yeah. - He's six steps ahead of us. - New York, New York. - That's all we ever want to be. There's nothing better than New York in the fall. (all laughing) - Guys, you've been on a run of poor luck. I don't think anyone would dispute that. Our last few sessions in order showed you getting to Durran Hollow, not even getting to put your bags down and watching a small boy murder someone, following that boy, finding out that he's part of human supremacists in the old Overwatch regime, like a little cluster, a little sleeper cell, getting into a fight with those people, getting beaten up.

They kicked your dog, like a lot. Jesus, then having them dump you into a cavern, head first into a small body of water. Terry lost an eye. Both of K'Nan's arms are broken, mild abrasions, cuts and scrapes, and then trying to find your way out of that cavern and using a teleportation room that you only had one use of. And that takes us to where we are now, because all of you are going to kind of eyes, eyes like adjusting, like blinking. It was really dark in the cave, but thankfully it's still nighttime here, right? It's still, you know, I need, and this is up to you, I need a perception and/or nature.

- I like that short and/or that you just said. I like that. - And/or, like it's totally up to you if you want to, so here's the thing. If you're trained in nature, I'm going to want one of those on top of perception. Otherwise, give me perception. - I'm not, wow, what a terrible leader. I'm not trained in nature. - Perception. - 17, perception. - Good. Man, I have, I'm nature, I'm through and through nature, and I roll real, real bad. - Well, you could always blame that on like, the day you're happy. - Everything that's happened. - Okay, fine. I'm rolling perception on top of that just for fun.

You can do whatever you want to with it, but I got a much better perception. (sighs) So let's start with, let's start with perception. You got a 19 and 17 here in petrichor and runes respectively, and you're going to be, kind of like a Terminator bubble type of thing where you guys are going to be in a field, like just. So all the ground around you is kind of singed and burnt away and stuff. And you kind of notice it's like, this is like tall grass around you, and you're kind of getting your bearings. Like you hear crickets, there's, you know, the moon's out.

Like you're still looking around. It's like, okay, okay, okay. There's no immediate danger it seems. Brie? - How big is the moon? Like, can we see, or is it like a new moon? - Oh, I thought you were asking me. - Oh, I thought you were going to ask me. It's like, what's the circumference? I'm like, I'm not the guy to ask why. - I just really want to put the tides. I just really want to. - I thought it was one of those questions like from that old Google commercial, Google, how close is earth to the moon? The little girl's asking fucking Google home, the first Google home.

It's a very cute commercial, it's cute. - Then she grew up to ask Google for soup. - Oh. - Did anyone get that? - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that a Zooey Deschanel Google commercial rip? - Yes, thank you. - Wow. - Yes, I remember. - Google, what's the weather outside? And she's looking outside. - Bitch, it's raining, look outside. - First of all, how dare you? I do that all the time, okay? (all laughing) - That's like one of the only things. - You get a second opinion? - Yeah, because I got to know like, what's it going to look like later today? Is it going to, storm was going on?

- That wasn't the question. - No, no, no. - She said, what's the weather outside? She's standing there in jammies looking out at the fucking rain. And then she asked for soup. - Yeah. - Well, to reinforce my case, my building's under construction. So all my windows are covered with this disgusting tarp that's been here for about five months. So I don't know what the weather's like. Do you want to see? - No, no, no, no, no. - It's fine. - So I was simply quandering as to whether or not the visibility was good in this area. That's all I wanted to know. - Don't defend new girl.

- New girl was pretty good the first two seasons. - Yeah, it was pretty solid. - Yeah, but it went on for 11, didn't it? - Yeah, first two seasons were pretty good. - That's a really bad metric. - That's like everyone who told me to get into supernatural. It's like the first four seasons, it went for 15. - I said what I said, Jason. - You did, you did. Okay. New girl, if you'd like to sponsor us. (all laughing) - That would be very strange, but thank you. - Right, 'cause they're not even odd anymore. (all laughing) - Okay. - All right. - How big's the moon? - The moon is at least three bears large.

(all laughing) It weighs at least two and a half old Claudius's because it's the moon and it's like lighter up there. So like, as I... (all laughing) Oh, I didn't make a mistake. - I'm remembering you 3000 tons is what you said. - No, I didn't say that. Okay. - Three tons, okay, so 3000 pounds. - The drums of my stupidity have been greatly exaggerated. - And recorded. - Yeah. - And recorded. (all laughing) Okay, me telling you how big that bear was, I wasn't that far off, but people have exaggerated to the point where I said it weighs about as much as a Russian tank.

- I think you said 3000 pounds. I think that was it. - So it's three tons. - It wasn't 30,000. It wasn't three tons. - It was... - That's 6,000 pounds guys, a ton is 2000. - Yeah, a ton is 2000, not 1000. - I thought it was a thousand too. - That's a metric ton. - Yeah, the theory in terms. - A metric fuck ton. - Very different, gravity's different. Can we see or not? - Yeah, you can see. - Thank you Jasper. - It's as bright as three bears out right now. - Three bears right now. - Yeah. - Big moon, got it. - To the north, there's a pretty empty field kind of rolling wavy, almost like a wheat field type of thing.

But this is just like really tall grass, cattails, that kind of thing. To the south is a forest and there doesn't appear to be like, worst case scenario, right? You guys would have teleported into like an orc encampment or something based on where you guys, thankfully you are many miles away from the Brughol encampment, thankfully. Like you're a good 50 miles away, somewhere in there, like from the outskirts. So that's good. That doesn't mean that it's completely safe, but the immediate is like, okay, thank God. It's just nothing here. Now, those of you who rolled nature, the, oh man, a five for nature.

That's a tough break, Jasper. - 10. - I can roll again. - 10, okay. - Nice for you to offer that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Whatever helps. - 10 is gonna, like, you're gonna start getting bears. - Completely average. - Completely average, right? So the good news is you have a lot of, you have a lot of noticeable landmarks to kind of draw from. So what I want you to do is give me a wisdom saving throw right now. - Whoa, saving throw, oh my God. - It's attacking you with its, with its-- - Nature is based upon intelligence. I'm only saying that because my wisdom's not great.

That's the only reason why I'm doing that. - That's why I'm asking you to roll a saving throw. - Oh my God. - I'm attacking your wisdom. No, this is, so, okay, nature's based on intelligence, but where you are is more of a, your awareness of the world, which comes from wisdom. - Like landmarks and stuff. - You're gaining clues. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I see, I see what you mean. - Peace in things together. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Whereas intelligence would be like, I analyze the grass to figure out exactly where I am by the grain. - Right, it's more of like, oh, this kind of grass only grows in, you know what I mean?

Which I don't think any of us besides maybe Petrichor would actually be able to do. - Yeah, I'm imagining just- - Not at the moment. - Yeah, I'm imagining, who knows, like maybe grabbing onto Terry or like holding Terry up or just like, who knows? I feel like Petrichor's gonna be distracted somehow. - There's a reason I didn't get Terry to look around. - Oh. - Jason, I am trying to, I've been clicking it pretty aggressively. It's not rolling. - Did you click the word wisdom or sorry, the word? Yeah, the word wisdom. - Oh, okay, the word. - Yeah, it has a middle button.

- It's not even the actual saving throw, okay. - Yeah, no, for whatever reason, features and attacks, you gotta click the icon. Okay, six. So, you are not going to have a very good idea of where you are, but based on clues, it's like, okay. Big tall field to the south, there's a forest that appears to just go for miles and miles. And to like the extreme north, you're gonna see mountains, like snow-capped peaks. So, you appear to be sandwiched in between those two things. And though you don't know where you are, you would probably get the sense it's like, okay, we're pretty far out there, like in terms of the nearest city.

Like, we need to be careful 'cause going off the road in Alara can get you killed pretty quickly. - Yeah, so in my head, where either that's the blistering peaks to the north or that's stone-sunder mountains to the north or that's bandits rest to the north. - Exactly, there's only so many snow-capped mountains. So, that narrows it down, but like, not much. - Bandits rest runs to the north, so I don't think we're there. So, that's either blistering peaks or stone-sunder. - The good news is- - So, we could be very south or very north. (laughing) - The good news is it doesn't look like this field is very well-tread because there's no holes worn through, like a dirt path or something like that.

It looks like you're just out in the middle of nowhere and the grass kind of gives you cover if you hunker down. Like, if you crouch down, this grass is like, it's a good like two and a half, three feet tall. - Oh, shit. - Like, yeah, like this might- - Man, we're gonna find some fucking ratatatas in here. (laughing) And pidgeys and- - Pidgeys, sparrows. - So, a wild Zigzagoon is going to attack you, right? - Oh, no! - Catch him, catch him, catch him. - Yay! - I started with Z and I'm gonna work my way up. (laughing) - I'm gonna work my way up. (laughing) - Tamika's gonna like crouch down and like actually like sniff the air.

So, just best guess, that's either Stonesunder to the north or Blistering Peak. So, either we're in Hero's March or we're in the Divide. That's what I got. - I also think anybody who, any traveler, who hears the word, the Divide, like the Divide is not a good word for traveling because that's always followed by, we should move quickly. Or, you know, like you guys knew you were heading into the Divide anyway because you had to get to Donhurst, but these are not optimal conditions and this is not the road. - Right. - Like, this is bad. - And those are two very different, like Hero's March, okay, we're pretty good, just Kobolds.

Or Divide, oh shit, everything sucks. - Or ghosts, murderers, whatever, think big. - We got our stuff back, right? That was tossed down the hole with us, we gathered. - You guys, yeah. - So, Rune's just gonna take out his map and just kind of, because he doesn't know the continent as well as you guys would, so he needs to figure out where Blistering Peak is. - You guys gotta get your hands on this ultra, coming to be ultra rare copy of the "Adventures Guide to Theria" written by all my amazing friends, my friends and creators of this show and podcast.

This is the leather bound copy. Look at this, this is beautiful. - Look at these illustrations. - Full leather, no animals were hurt. - Full leather. Look at some of these, look at this, holy shit. - Man. - Very pretty. - And many other things in here. Tables, tables galore, monsters, heroes, villains, ideas for stories, campaign hooks, you name it. Anything in the world of Theria is possible when you have this book in your hands. - Wow. - Available now at all major retailers. - Why didn't you do all the ads for the book when we did the book? - We should get Dungeons and Randomness to sponsor us.

(all laughing) - I don't wanna use the map 'cause it's too big. I wanna use the one that's in here. - And why did you, okay, I was about to say, why'd you go get the book? (all laughing) - I wanna use the inside map. - Use your inside map. Inside voice. - No, I got you. - Yeah. - I'm with you. I'm with you. - Oh, it just, while Alex is opening that up, my boss is really amazing at my work. So I brought in a copy of the Therian map and he was like, do you happen to have like, I don't know, the original high definition version of this? I was like, yeah, okay, whatever, and I sent it to him and he printed out like a very large scale version of the map and it's in our office at work now.

- Awesome. - Oh my God. - Take a picture of that. - Yeah. - I know, did you see that? - And it's like a etched version, like the burnt, you know, like how they do with the, on cork. Like he burned it on, and like I was like, oh my God. - Like with a CNC machine or something? - Yeah, I was like, oh my God. Like he told me he hired me because of my work on DNR. He doesn't follow the show, but he was very like supportive of someone following their dreams. And he didn't hire me because of my paralegal background. He hired me because of the show. - Wow. - Damn. - That's a good boss.

- I like my job guys. Just saying. - That's pretty fucking sweet. - That's a healthy environment. - Yeah, put DNR at the top of your resume, is what it sounds like. - I've tried. I mean, it's always a topic, just not to jump off, but for interviews, it's always a topic conversation. Everyone's like, wow, really? You? - You can make money that way? - You can, you are able to like pretend you're somebody else. I've been doing it for 35 fucking years. I've been pretending I'm somebody else. We talking about it. You know what I'm saying? Anyways, sorry about it. - Wow.

- I got my map. I'm good now. - Wonderful. - Petrichor. - I miss the days where I could say I'm not editing this episode. - I'm so sorry. - No, no, no, no, you're fine. I just had that thought. I'm like, I can't do that anymore. - Yeah, you can't just look over to me and be like, this is your problem now. - Petrichor. - Petrichor is probably, we appear out of this Terminator-like orb. Everything's singed. People are looking around. Petrichor's gonna be tending to Terry 'cause Terry's just not in good shape no matter what. I know we've cured wounds and we're all, everybody's stable, but I bet he is broken.

Like totally broken. - The poor guy yanked off most of his armor. I believe they call it doffing. So he yanked off most of that armor. So it's just kind of like, yeah, he's, I think he would just sit down. - Yeah. - If there's a nice spot, it's like, I'm done. I'm done. If there's nothing attacking us right this minute, I need to like chill. - Game over, man, game over. - Yeah. - So he's tending to Terry a little bit. So he's distracted. He's probably, he probably doesn't, he's not paying attention to where anything is. He knows everybody's kind of looking around.

He's gonna say to Tamika, all right, where are we? - And runes will lay out the map at Tamika's feet so that she can point and whatever. And with one of her, like, it's not a claw, but she is like very like pointy. Like she has humanoid fingers, but very pointy fingernails. So we're either in the divide and point to that or in hero's march because there's mountains to the north of us. And then, you know, the forest to the south. So it's either the hymen till forest to the south of us or we're sandwiched between, or it's a dead wood beneath us. - You said the grass here was like singed and burned, right?

- I think runes would kind of point to that and like that could be a hint to where we might be. - That's because of you. - No, we did that, yeah. - Yeah, that's 'cause of our- - Oh, we did that? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's stupid. - Yeah. - I completely understood that the wrong way. - No, no, no. - I thought we were in like a battlefield and I was like, probably orcs, right? (all laughing) - Orcs stole. - We found it, yeah. We know what we're doing now. - So here's a question. Would the weather be different? - Oh. - Based on where we are? And I don't mean in any given moment, I mean at this time of year.

So for example, yeah. Would there be a climate difference because of being closer to the coast or closer or more inland? - Yeah, not drastically, but you're right. Like this is the difference between say, living in Sacramento or living in the Bay Area in the summer. - Wow. - Where like, yeah, it's a big difference. - Say at summertime, big difference. Normal time, not so much. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, no. So, who, anyone trained in nature? - I am, but I've already done one. - Okay. - That's one rule. - You both did one. - What I'm thinking is this, if I can add onto that is with Druidcraft, Petrocor can basically tell what the weather's gonna be for the next 24 hours in that location.

So with that as a clue on top of maybe a nature check or something like that, gonna do something like that. So basically he's gonna just sort of do a little Druidcraft cantrip. It's just a cantrip. So basically there's gonna be something that sort of appears. It's like a little effect, almost like a little, like on a weather app. You know, is it rainy? Is it snowy? Is it whatever? So that's one thing that he's gonna get out of this and then maybe he can do this nature check too. - No, no, no. Don't even worry about the check. Like I just want to know if you're trained.

- Oh yeah. - 'Cause like that's like- - Sorry, I thought you were asking for it. - Think about, no, no, no, no. Think about adventures on the road. Like there's a bunch of skills that obviously we don't need to have. Stuff like starting a fire, stuff like really super basic stuff. But just knowing where you are, like at any given time, like usually you'd walk or ride there. This is out of the ordinary, but still like piecing together clues is very important. So obviously if you were further south by the coastline, it would be like 15 degrees cooler. Like Esther Hope gets rocked by the winter.

Like it's pretty bad. Where you are now, it's an open field. So like there's nothing to block like wind and stuff like that. But it's definitely not as bad as it would be down in Hero's March right now. - All right, so Petrichor is gonna try to piece a couple things together. He's gonna say, well, first of all, for canon purposes, what is the weather gonna be like for the next 24 hours here? Is it gonna rain? Is it gonna be cloudy? You're a weather app right now and you gotta make a decision. - Okay, so I will make a decision then change it 10 minutes later.

No, no, no. So it's for the rest of the night, it's gonna be nice and clear out. Moon's gonna be three bears big all night long. - Nice. - And then starting in the morning, it's gonna start to drizzle and then heavy rain in the afternoon. - Oh no, Jason, please, I'm living through this, man. - Yeah. - I'm sorry. - Perfect, no, no, it's fine. So he's piecing all, he's just doing this little thing. He's kind of doing his stuff. He's doing nature. He's gonna, all right. - I mean, from what I can gather, if we were down here, he's gonna point here as March. We'd be a little bit chillier here.

We'd be wanting to get some blankets on if we were gonna be hunkering down. I don't think that's where we are. If what I'm seeing and what I'm feeling is right, I'm gonna tell you, I think we're right here, which believe me, I don't wanna tell you that we're in the divide, but I think we're in the fucking divide. - Kenan just looks at the map and shakes his head. - Whew, okay. Things just keep getting better, huh? - And he like chuckles a little bit as he moves and he kind of winces. I remember my arms are in some sort of splint, I believe, right? - Yeah.

- So they're like, they're kind of like a Kimbo a little bit. - Yeah. - So he's like. (laughing) And he'll look, he'll see Terry. I envisioned him sitting down on like the edge of this mini crater. That's not that big of a crater, but like the indent, right? It's big enough where I would be. - Yeah, a little bit. - It's like a sidewalk. Someone could sit down on it. - It's like slightly concave, right? - Yeah. - Like. - So I envisioned him sitting there and as Petrichor is like trying to console him or at least check up on him, I look back to the rest of the party and I say, I know we've, it's been rough, but we need to, we have to move just a little more to find somewhere safe to camp because I'm pretty sure and with his face, he's gonna point to the crater, the little hole.

We've made a lot of noise with that. We probably shouldn't camp near this thing. - Honestly, if it were me, based on some of our training, I feel like right now is when things are asleep. Let's get moving tonight. Let's stay on the edge of whatever that woods is behind us. Don't get in the middle of anything. Stay on the edges and just move. We can sleep tomorrow. - Well, sorry to interrupt Petrichor, but the woods, that's the dead woods and we probably don't want to go through that, but also if we stay on the edge to the north of us is Brughal, so we probably don't want to be on the edge of that either.

(laughing) - Yeah, of course, of course. - You're gonna hear the rocks clatter in Runet's bag and he's going to pass the blue rock to Tamika. 'Cause he doesn't know what the dead wood is or the divide. He can tell that something's wrong. By the way, everyone reacted to where we landed. - Like basically everyone is like, and where are we? And then Ad is like, okay, but can you get a different answer? No, it's still there, okay. Like it's very, yeah. And it'd be good for new listeners too. What is the dead wood? What is the divide? What are these words we keep using?

- Have bad places. - Okay, so Tamika holding the blue rock and look down at it and look back up at ruins and be like, oh, so the dead wood is the place they told stories of when I was a kid to never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever go to because it's where everyone dies. It's where ghosts are. It's where the orcs are. It's where bandits are. It's just where all the bad things happen. And just never, I was told to never go there, which is why you and I were supposed to go to the South, but that didn't happen. We ended up in Overdell, but you know, you and I know that.

But to the North is the Bughal, which is where the orcs are. And they're not very nice at all. Like you can't negotiate with them and they find honor in battle and they wanna kill everyone they see. So yeah. - Kanan interrupts. Did you mention the ghosts? I must've missed it. - Oh, I said ghosts. I said that. - I just wanna reiterate. He looks at runes. Ghosts, runes, ghosts. Like you tell like, he's not a fan. - More clacking and runes is gonna take out a little pink rock that you haven't seen yet. And it says, I like this. And he's gonna hold that up for Kanan to see.

- I'm giving him my personality trait. He also likes ghosts. - He'll take the pink rock. This one, you like orcs or ghosts? - He's gonna, two. - Ghosts, okay. He'll give you back the pink rock. Well, I mean, like I mentioned before, I've seen not ghosts, but things that are worse than ghosts. And I still wouldn't wanna meet ghosts. Can I, okay, this is interesting. So obviously runes is, runes is culture and background, like thought sharing and it's not quite storytelling, but everyone's sharing experiences of things that they've heard of. What is runes is exposure to tales of ghosts?

Is it like Bree where it's like, yeah, it's long hair Japanese girls. And it's like, okay. I like a different kind of ghost. Runes would know that like Tomika and him had gone the other way to avoid them. And it's supposed to be like the souls of the dead, which don't exist in his culture because you're either in the loop or you're not. So, and Tomika knows this and I think everyone else would, runes is supposed to be kind of a scientist. He sent out to like learn about new stuff and ghosts sound interesting. - Buff boy scientists, I love it. - He's not the buffest, he's pretty, he's kind of a quunk.

- In this group? - In this group? - He's the buffest. - He's Schwarzenegger in this group. Come follow me. - It's a rock, it's just says, it's a rock with Schwarzenegger's face on it. - Come follow. I, at this point, Terry is pretty, pretty worn out, but he's, if you guys gotta go a little bit further or whatever, it's like, like he'd be, you know, he'd be down, but I think at a certain point, it's like, all right, how much further do you think we need to go tonight? - K'Nan looks up Petrichor. - You can't be too far. - I mean, far. - Far as we can. - Let's, he looks down, I'm envisioning the forest.

You can see like, as if there's like small trees and they trail off going down where on the left is just vast, not emptiness, but you know, a barren scape. - Yeah. - And on the right is the denseness of the forest, almost like too thick that your eyes can't even comprehend how dark it is at nighttime. And he'll say, let's go for a mile and some change and reevaluate how we feel. Because again, we can't camp near this thing. We made a lot of noise and if you're right, Petrichor, things are asleep, they're probably awake. At least some stuff around here.

- I think it would be absolutely cruel of me to get you to roll the travel die for one mile. Absolutely cruel. So I need a volunteer to roll a travel die. No, no, no, I'm joking. We're not doing that. We're moving on to the next bit. So a mile later, you guys are much closer to that tree line, but again, still like that tall wavy grass. So like, if you guys got to a point, like if you guys got to a point where it's like, okay, let's bed down here because like that, this grass might do a good job of like, maybe blocking some scent. Like it's not, you know, you're not going to be downwind of something, you know.

Camping in the forest at night probably isn't a great idea unless you're ready for that. You guys, it's been a very long day. So hacking away at bits of this just to try and get it, like almost like you're making a little crop circle type of thing. Like it's like, okay, let's just bed down. And while like owls hoot in the distance, I imagine you guys just setting up and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but starting a campfire probably isn't in the cards. So having warmth and a hot meal is just that, those kinds of creature comforts just are not in, you know, that's just not for you guys right now.

I think Terry would just like conk out, like just lay on his side and just like, that's probably the longest day of his entire life. I don't, I mean, I don't doubt that it's, it's probably the same for a lot of you guys. - I do think runes would volunteer to take the first watch. - Yeah, I was just about to ask who, what between Petrichor, runes and Tamika, what watch are they going to take? Because she was going to keep Kanan out because two broken arms, he probably really needs the rest too. - I'm also a human, I'm not as special as you guys. So remember that, okay, remember that.

I remember you guys all have cool stuff. I had to fucking sell myself to the devil for a little while to get my cool stuff, so. - That's fair. - So after runes probably indicates he's going to take first watch, Tamika will turn to Petrichor. I'll take second watch. - Sounds good, I don't think I'm sleeping tonight, I'll be honest with you. So you pay attention and I'll try to rest. - Okay, sounds good. - There's some, you're in an advantageous position right now because the weather's decent, like it's windy and stuff a little bit, like it's a nice breeze.

So while that tall grass, those cattails and everything, it's like kind of a, almost a soothing asthma, it's almost like waves of water type of thing. Like it's just, you know, it would be very difficult for someone to sneak up on you. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, 'cause they're walking through waist high foliage to get to you, like you guys would have to almost openly be trying to die to not hear anything. So it's kind of nice, like I wouldn't, you know, again, campfire and everything like that's probably not a great idea, but you know, it's, nothing is gonna mess with you tonight, thankfully.

And the first rays of the sun are going to come cresting, cresting up and slowly but surely things are gonna start to like warm up and everyone is gonna get a long rest. Let's end the many month nightmare and get you guys a long rest, because holy hell have you earned it. - Do we hit a button or you hit the button? - You can hit the button, I trust you. - I don't know where it is. Oh, right there, I see it. - So what you meant was, where's the button? - Yes, thank you. Yeah, that's the word. Those are the words I should have used. - Yes. - Where is the button?

- Underneath hit die. There's S rest and L rest on your character sheet. - I'm not seeing, death saves, exhaustion, inspiration. - Oh, under, so yeah, so under your name, there's the, like your class stuff and then there should be hit points and to the right of that there's a box that says hit die. - Oh, there it is, thank you. - Yep, it's very, very, they're both, both buttons are basically just like size three font text. - Yeah, they're very small. - Oh man, so I'm imagining that you're still sore and stuff, well, I mean, if your arms are broken, yeah, but like you're still sore, you're still, but at least there's the, you know, you got some sleep, you probably woke up, you're eating some jerky or some heart attack or whatever and there's something in your belly.

You can kind of like process things a little bit. Terry's moving around a little bit better. He's got like this cloth kind of like tied over his face just because it's sealed, but it's still like, it's a hole, like, you know what I mean? Like it's, you know, but like it's been like padded and everything like that, like it's been like a treated wound at least. You got some time with these broken limbs, unless there's something, well, we'll get to that. There's a couple of things we can do 'cause you have a patron, good sir. - Are we talking Terry? - Yeah, no, I'm talking, no, no, I'm talking to you.

You're the warlock. - Yeah. - So think of what a patron can do for you is like a payday loan. Like it's, you know what I mean? It's like, look man, I could speed up that recovery, you know, for a little something in return. - And my patron, I misspoke earlier. I did, you know, I met devils before, but my patron currently is not a devil because I am of, I walk the path of light these days. - Oh. - So I am- - Right, you were redeemed. - I am, yeah. Oh, they locked me away and said, yeah, you can be our team, but you gotta, you know, you gotta do it. - You gotta earn that shit.

- Yeah. - So my, I think my, so my patron is a celestial and I don't think we've talked about it 'cause I haven't really thought about what it should be, but I would say for this instance, we could talk about like, maybe I don't see it currently, but I can just speak to him if I do, whatever it is you're insinuating I do. - Well, this is great. What a great time to talk about this. 'Cause like, I mean, you kind of need to lean on somebody and what's interesting is unlike clerics and paladins and stuff like that, they don't really get to talk to the entity that gives them powers and, you know, blood mages and warlocks do.

Usually as a warlock, it's not pleasant conversation, but you're basically doing community service. You're out, you know, you're trying to make up for past indiscretions. So you can't do that with two broken arms. You can't cast magic, you can't, it's like, how are you gonna fight evil? - My feet. - If, well, how strong are your kickboxing skills? - No, zero. - Oh shit, okay then yeah. - With an eighth strength, they're actually negative, if I'm not mistaken. - Oh yeah, okay. So instead of like that time cop Van Damme splits on the calendar thing, it's more not that.

I'm trying to think of the opposite. - It's me tripping over my own shoelace and fucking hitting my face on the sidewalk. That's how bad it is. - So your patron is gonna sort of, it's gonna give you, it's more of a feeling that comes over you. Like as the first, like those first rays of sun are gonna crest up. And you're gonna like get up and stretch and as best you can, like kind of roll your shoulders a little bit and that even that hurts. And you're gonna like sit up and look around and you can just kind of see over these wavy tufts of grass and that like that little bit of warmth is gonna hit you and there's gonna be this feeling that comes over you.

And it's almost as if a full conversation has happened. And no words needed to be spoken. So almost like something runes would be able to do back home. And your patron's going to give you a few different options, all of which lead to you getting, it's like, look, I can speed this up and your arms will be repaired, but we need to sort of accelerate you fighting evil we need to get some stuff done. So you can get your arms repaired and you can dispatch some evil very nearby or it can wait two or three days, but I'm going to present you with something that needs to be, basically picture your, picture your celestial here as someone with a huge docket, like a roster of things that need to be done.

And based on where you are, it's like, okay, let's see what I got in the area. I got a crypt, this crypt has got a bunch of undead stuff in there, clean that shit out, like get it out. I've been meaning to get to the garage, this is great. Like, you know what I mean? Like it's that kind of thing where, you know, but it's not gonna send you into something you absolutely can't handle, right? It's like, hey, there's an Ork encampment up there. Can you take care of that? The five of you, like they were not gonna do that. - Okay. - But it is going to give you some difficult tasks, you know.

- Okay. Kinan kind of just closes his eyes as the morning comes and he'll just with like a half smile nods. Okay. And he'll think to himself, we need to keep Terry's spirits up. We need to get everyone at least some moment of solace. So I'm gonna wait until it wants me to do something specific as opposed to us hunting something, because we need the time to recover. Not just me, I mean, everybody, not just me. So he'll, in whatever way I can communicate with my patron, just send the feeling of like, we need a moment. (soft music) And this is, when you're dealing with demons, it's very much, well, what have you done for me lately?

What can we do? This is, there's a little bit of leeway where it's like, okay, you know what? You've already suffered quite a lot. That's your down payment where it's like, you're doing this in the name of doing something good. I don't doubt that you're a ride or die bitch at this point. But it's like, you know what? You're fine. You know what? Take a little bit of time. Have a cookie, like relax. But your arms are going to be healed after that vibe goes out. It's like, okay, like take some time. Boom, those arms are, you know, like you'll feel the bone mending.

Like it's just tightness. It feels like someone's pulling on your arm just a bit and then it's like, you'll feel it kind of like, there might be a little bit of discomfort, but not nearly as much as breaking both of them. So like, hey. - I've experienced both sides of the spectrum then, breaking and rebonding bones within a matter of 48 to 72 hours. - At best it feels icky. - Yeah. I cannot, I assume people are like stirring awake at this point, but Kinan kind of with one of his hands, one of his arms kind of just like kind of undoes the, the, the splint.

- Little splint. - Yeah, just kind of like moves it till it comes undone, just cracks maybe. And then he'll take it apart as quiet as he can because he doesn't want to wake everybody up unless they're already awake. And once that one's done, he'll, he'll do the other one and position them as neatly as he can off to the side and close his eyes again and just give a sense of acknowledgement and, you know, another mental emotion or mental message of like, I'm not abandoning anything. I'm going to stay on course. And as he's thinking this, he's also thinking about the images of his friends in that room where they have like the base, like the, whatever circle was used to summon them and things happening to them.

And it quickly snaps back like, nope, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's, that's how you go backwards. And he'll say this out loud. He'll be like, nope, that's, that's how you undo things. That's, that's not for now. And quickly realizing he's talking to himself, he'll shake it off, take a deep breath and wiggle his fingers a little. And there's like a sense of joy, like, (laughs) like, like just a small sense of like, ah, yes, I'm back. (laughs) Like it's, it's almost a bro nod from an angelic source, almost of like, it's like, got you. Like, you know, just, just you get back out there.

Like it's, it's like working at, it's a very, it's a very demanding job, but like a good boss will know when you're stressed out. It's like, hey, take a day or two. It's fine. Well, we're going to need you back when you get back in the ring, like start swinging. Like it's that, you know what I mean? - Yeah, yeah, he gets it. - I would imagine everybody is stirring. Like they're waking up. These are not four star accommodations. So it's, it's very much like, it's like, okay, okay. Like you're, you're kind of stiff. You're, you're, you know, cause a bed roll is basically just a, a slightly thicker piece of cloth on dirt.

Like it's not, you know, you know, slightly padded. - Better hope there's no rocks either. That kick all the rocks out. - No, I, yeah, like I, I imagine that's just setting stuff up, right? Like you guys, you know, you know what you're doing. - Real life Alex doesn't know. - Yeah, no, none of us know anything, but that's, that's, this is fantasy. Like we all have very useful skills in fantasy. Before we started this show, I had everybody roll a D20 for me. And the reason I did that is because I wanted to pick out the weakest of you. And today that's Bree.

Bree, I need you to roll to see what will be happening in the area as you wake up. - Oh no. - Will it be something good? Will it be something bad? Let's, let's, let's roll a D20 and see the higher the number the better things are going to be. The lower the number. - I was at the live show today. Can I have plus one to my roll? - You can. - Yay. - Yes. - Yes. - That's a trick because the table is spaced out all weird probably. There's like good ones mixed in with bad ones on that table. - No! - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - It's Minesweeper. - That makes no difference.

You go ahead. - Sure. 13 year old dead. - All right. - I'm just going to roll a D20 and we add a one to my roll. - To whatever I get. - I can do that math, yes. - Okay. - I don't know. - Oh. - 12. - Sounds pretty cool. - Okay. - Reasonable. - Yes. So as you're, as you're waking up, you're going to be able to, to, to take in, like, first of all, in daylight, you can much better get a sense of like your bearings, like where you are, like you're, you're, you're, you're able to like, like see quite a bit, like, definitely like you can see that there's activity near the mountains.

Like you can see that like, there's like, there's smoke coming from, from those mountains. Like there's, there's probably like furnaces and forges deep within that's just churning out like smoke. So you're like, okay, that does, that clinches it. That's where we are, shit. Like, you know, so that means the forest south of you is the deadwood. That means that you are some mileage away from orks and you're going to be able to kind of assess the situation east and realize that northeast of you, you're seeing, you're seeing small smoke plumes and that's all part of that massive miles long ork encampment.

They're, they're, they're far away, but there are hunting parties. And as you guys are looking around in the distance, like the far distance, you're going to see, you're, you're going to see the upper halves of orks, like bands of them four or five at a time, like moving very, very quickly, like kind of bobbing up and down. - How are they getting around without the bottom half? - Well, that's what I'm, that's a mystery that we're going to have to know. They're ghosts, the bottom half are ghosts. - Yes, of course. - Ah, that's so cool. - No, so there's a, there's a part where the grass dips down and you could see that they're riding wargs.

- Oh shit. - And wargs are terrible, like picture almost like, beefy hyenas. They're, they're quick. They are mean as shit. And they're trained to hunt without an orc on them. So think of them almost like a really well-trained hound dogs, but instead of going to fetch a dead duck, they're going to catch something live and start dragging it back. - Fuck. - And yeah, they get too much closer. That could be a problem. - Question, would, just to know something about wargs, would that be nature, animal handling? - That'd be nature. No, no, no, that's if you're dealing directly with a warg.

- All right. - I'd say nature is a great way to get, you know, good backstory in any animal. - Petrichor is going to try to, he's rummaging around in his head about a couple of things here. And I have a specific question. Let me see how this role goes before I ask the question. - Yeah, you do, man. You do, let's do it. - 11. - 11. - All right, well, I'll ask my question and we'll see what happens. - Sure. - Is there anything that wargs would avoid? And what Petrichor is trying to do is he can, as a druid, he can, once again, is just a quick cantrip, but what he can do is he can make like a little, like a scent.

If he can make like a skunk scent or something that would kind of keep them away, like, not going that way, just, it's a slight odor. It's nothing overpowering, it's cantrip level, right? But if it's kind of- - Oh, but like garlic or something. - Yeah, if wargs are kind of checking around and they're like, skunk over that way, they would probably avoid it. That's what he's looking to see if he can figure out what might keep them away. - So these are junkyard animal, like real, like they don't normally, normally animals like them, they'd be afraid of fire.

They're raised around fire. They don't care. To a degree, they'll even cook their food. Like they'll drag somebody over a fire and then eat the warm innards after, like they're beasts. - They're so smart. - They are, they are, yes, they're smart. But they use all their intelligence for mean shit. - It's like a mean Luna, instead of just a hungry one. - They do not like water, that being said. They don't like getting wet. If it's raining or whatever, it's like, yeah, fine. But like big bodies of water, they don't, you know. I would not make any smell that an animal makes.

- All right. - That's just me. - No, no, no. Well, that's what I'm looking for is, Petrichor's brain is thinking, all right, wargs, is there something that they don't like? Can I kind of make them, you know, hopefully the wind would take something their way to keep them away from us, you know, to basically deflect their position rather than call the attention. But if he's calculating, he's gonna be like, "Eh, I don't feel confident in that. Just stay put, basically." So he's not gonna do anything, that's my point. (gentle music) - After Terry gets his shit together, like he's packed stuff up, like obviously you guys are getting ready to hit the road.

You can't stay here. - Right. - There'd be a moment where they're like, he looks over at Kanan. Are your arms okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah, about that. - Uh-oh. You know, because it's hard to explain, Terry. - God just likes me better. - Yes. - So like, you know, God hates you, but loves me. And that's why my arms are better. - Yeah, I go to church and more days- - It's really a prosperity gospel kind of thing. - Yeah, it's a benefit. You have to just like go to church every day. - I'm not a holiday Christian, I'm an everyday Christian. - I'm sort of a bad accordion.

- Like I only worship on the- - Oh my God. - I'll continue with Terry. Because of my actions in the past, I've taken a lot of steps to make sure that I'm walking a different path than I was before. One of the reasons I can do what I do is because something is tapped into me to give me a little bit of access to what they can do. I don't exactly know what it is. It's, I guess you would call it, it believes it's one of the good guys. And so far, I have no reason to see, to say or think otherwise. It's a being of what it believes is good. And what most, I'm assuming others who work for it believe so as well.

So technically I have two employers, I guess you could say. The Ravens and this thing. And when I woke up this morning, it visited me in the way it normally does in a sense of emotions and made it, you know, made good on its word, on its deal to help me when I needed help the most. Just in return, it's gonna put us on a path to do something it needs us to do. (suspenseful music) That's a lot to lay on somebody, but like he's... Well, okay, that's, okay, that's crazy. They don't have like a spare eye or anything, right? - It doesn't exactly work that way, but if we find, if, well, when we reach a big settlement, a big place, I'm sure we can contact it and discuss a little bit more further.

But I gotta warn you, Terry, it's not like this being is just giving away these gifts. It comes with some kind of price. - He was, and he was listening too when you were like in the past you've done, and he's almost like half grinning. He's gonna, like, he's gonna miss the first time, but then the second time put a hand on your shoulder. He's like, it's okay, let's get someplace safe, okay? - Yeah, yeah, I just, and like before he can finish it, he kind of stops himself. I'm not gonna ignore the fact that this happened because of us, but more than anything, I put it on myself, Terry.

I'm supposed to be in charge of this group. Now he's gonna talk a little louder so that everyone can hear. I'm supposed to be in charge of all of us, and I can't help but feel every misstep has been something that I could have avoided for us. - Hey, hey, hey, uh-uh, uh-uh, that's it. None of that. Petrichor's gonna keep, he's gonna be packing up, whatever. He's just gonna chime in like, mm-mm, don't wanna hear it. - I'm not trying to say anything. I'm not trying to downplay anything, Petrichor. I'm just saying, I'm gonna do better. I have to do better because we have a lot of important things to do, and I don't think our first task is gonna be the one that ends it all.

I think it's gonna be the start of something grand. And I'm gonna make sure, he looks at Terry, that whatever we need to get you, we get for you. - There's very, like, the first time you were talking about it, like he's already shaking his head, and then it's like, okay. How could you have known there was gonna be a psycho kid killing people to impress a, how, come on. - I know that, but I mean, everyone hears stories about Durn Hollow or Burn Hollow, whatever they call it, and everyone knows what goes on in there, so. I should have just expected a little more, but either way, I'm not trying to get down on myself or anything like that.

I'm just saying, whether you like it or not, Terry, technically, I'm gonna say you're one of us now. I mean, there's no way to look around it. You've bled with us, you've eaten with us. I think in the short time that we've been together, you've laughed and cried with us and probably defecated yourself with us as well. - There's a smell, no, there's- (all laughing) - It's exactly what we were worried about. - Okay, imagine, imagine you're taking a road trip. You're taking a road trip with somebody, but it's like, you don't really know these people like they're work buddies or something like that.

You're on a road trip to go to a concert or something. And at first you're probably like, "Hey, I don't wanna like, can I put this cup holder down? Can I like, you know, I don't wanna mess up your car." If 12 hours into this journey, you've had two flat tires, you were lost in the woods and like someone broke their arm, you're like, "I'm fucking cozy. I'm using this fucking cup holder." Like, you know what I mean? Like he's lost an eye, you guys have been kidnapped and beaten and it's like, "Look, yeah, where am I gonna go?" Like he's looking around at first of it's like, "Yeah, I'm like, he's actually relaxed a little bit." It is strange as that is to say, like he's kinda, it's like, "Yeah, man, it's fine." Like it's, he's not stammering or formal.

It's like almost getting beyond it's like, so are we making for the woods? - Before the conversation stops, Rune is gonna go for a group hug. He's gonna try to hug both K'nahn and Terry because K'nahn's being down on himself and Terry's had a hard time and he likes hugs. - Oh, okay, Rune, yeah, this works. More to the point, I'm assuming Rune's still holding us. But yeah, Terry's right, we gotta decide. Do we wanna run from scary ghosts or run from scary orcs? - Y'all, Petrichor's just been packing everything up and getting ready to go. He's on the move.

He's gonna say, "Look, this is nice and I'm with y'all 100% "and I honestly feel like we, "well, we have a saying in the Silverglade. "We say it's better to sleep on the rocks "than to stand on one leg in the grass." Which doesn't make any sense when you translate it, I hear you. But what it means is you just gotta stop bitching and you gotta make the most of what you got. I got you, I got you, I got you, and Terry, we got you. I'll tell you another saying we got. With one, you plant a flower. With many, you plant a field. So come on, y'all, we're all together, we gotta go and we're gonna thread the needle 'cause we can't go that way, we can't go that way, but we can go around.

And once we get around, we're where we need to be. So get that map out, runes. We gotta make sure we're threading this needle the right way 'cause we can't go one way, we can't go the other. We gotta go sorta in the middle. - And I could barely see over the grass, and then she lowers her voice, but I even see the orcs patrolling, so maybe we shouldn't be here. - Oh, yeah, good point. - Nice, Grinch is gonna be pointing towards the field. I mean, sorry, the forest. - Your microphone's pointing away from you. - Fuck, sorry, it's 'cause I was leaning so close in before.

- Yeah, no, you're fine. No, you're good. - He's gesturing to the forest, he wants to go there. Like right along, if he took out the map, he'd wanna go right along the edge, like Jasper said. But towards the forest, because we can see orcs, I don't see no ghosts, probably fine. (laughing) - Terry would start to raise his hand. He's like, "No, fuck that. Are there more ghosts than there are orcs?" - I mean, do you mean like in general or like right now? - I mean, okay, we know there's hundreds of orcs. Like how many ghosts are there? - Question is, no, the question is, if we had to make a run for it, would the orcs run after us if we were heading towards the ghosts?

So I'm not saying we're in a good position here. I'm just simply saying where are we better sitting? - He's almost like lost in that train of thought where it's like, so wait, do orcs believe in ghosts? (laughing) - I'm gonna say yeah, I think they do. I'm pretty positive they do, but-- - Are they superstitious? I know they don't like magic. - Let's run on the edge. I'm gonna, Kenan's gonna say, let's skirt on the edge. And then if things get bad, we dip into the woods. - If we have to, only if we have to, Terry, only, and he's gonna look at runes, only if we have to, runes.

- I mean, runes makes a good point. Maybe we just stay within the tree line, but like just within the tree line. So we see orcs, they won't see us 'cause we could go behind a tree. - So I'm gonna ask a question, Jason. Alex, the player, remembers that the deadwood has a very nice little cool feature where when you get in, it tries to keep you inside, if I remember correctly. (laughing) - So that is the rumor of many adventurers and cast members of DNR. - Brailin was there, he experienced it. But I don't know, would that, I mean, yeah, I guess it would just translate to a rumor then, Kenan, I guess, there's nothing I can roll to see if it's real without experiencing it.

- I mean, okay, if ghosts are on the table, where do you stop? It's like, yeah, maybe the forest is fucking alive. Maybe that's like, you know what I mean? Like the goalposts move pretty quickly if ghosts are on the table. And it's a world where magic exists, like there are unicorns. - Yeah, I'm gonna stick with it, move to the edge. And if they chase us or they see us, we dip inside because I have a feeling they're not gonna wanna follow us in there, plus I think those works are gonna be a little harder to maneuver in here. (soft music) - Before we go, Rune's is going to offer to give Tamika a piggyback ride.

- Oh, Tamika will take it. - 'Cause she can't see over the grass. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like she will leap onto Rune's back like they've done this before. - Yeah. - How's Dog doing? - And they probably have. - Yeah. - Oh, how is Dog doing? - Yeah, it's Dog. - I didn't wanna interrupt. Dog's been fine, like the teleportation was, like jarring, 'cause it's like you're in a cave and then all of a sudden you're here. It's like, what the fuck? Like, but you know, probably curled up next to Patrick or all night and just, you know, just slept it off 'cause. - Dog got long rest too, right?

- Yeah, of course. - Everyone gets a long rest. - Dog is our superhero. She kept us alive and saved some of us from drowning. - She's a true hero of this group. - So far, so far Dog is MVP. - We gotta get moving. We gotta keep going. - Okay. - All right. - We move. - Living on the razor's edge. - Who did we give our plan? - Oh boy. Can I get a travel die from, we already made Bree roll. I think Susan. - I did the not it thing. - Yeah, but no one joined you, so then you just stood out. - It's a risky take. It's a risky take when you go nose go. - So it's based upon.

- The size of the die. - Yeah. Fuck it, D8. - Yeah. - That's your fuck it, D8? Like that's pretty, that's, nothing bad about a D8. - No, well last time we were arguing D4. D6, they were like, I don't know if you want to do a D4 or D6. - He's trying to fool you. He's a demon. Just go with me. - My thing is, if you're going to say, fuck it, why not a D20? - Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. - That'll get you all the way around that forest in one roll and you could be in Donhurst by, you know, like four. Okay. - We're going to die of death by a thousand cuts because it's always, he's like right below the average, two below the average, one below the average.

- It's true. - I mean, technically four and five is the average on this day, so. - It's true. - Yeah, but four is below the poverty line. - That's what I'm looking for. - Yeah. - You make enough not to get financial aid. - Don't roll your eyes at me. You know, you know what I was looking for and you chose this life. - I think I was forced into this life. (laughing) - So here's the thing. You guys are gonna skirt this tree line and for a long time, nothing's going to happen. I'd say you're almost at the end of the day and you're making really good time. Like you're able to obviously look into the forest and every once in a while, like you swear you see something, but like you're passing trees and like there's several, go ahead.

- Can I roll a perception check for that? - Sure. - I wanna know how well runes would see it. - Sure. - You're gonna get all excited. - Perception, perception, there we go. - Pulls out a rock for ghosts. - 12. - Oh boy. - So again, so there's a weird effect in that there, you know, the forest obviously doesn't just start with a thicket of trees. There's trees everywhere. So as you're walking, there's like a parallax kind of vibe to it. So every once in a while, you're like, what was that? Like you're gonna look just to make sure that there's nothing there. You're gonna hear like, you're gonna hear something tumble or crash in the forest, but like it's a good distance away.

(soft music) And you're gonna hear this terrible shriek at one point, like real nasty, like, like imagine metal scraping on rusty metal, but it's in the distance and it is like big, like. - I'm hearing, 'cause I'm in New York all the time, I feel like it's like the subway coming down the tunnel to the air. - Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, oh man, I'm not a fan of that, that type of thing. - Kinan pretends to ignore it. He doesn't wanna acknowledge it. - That's rude to probably stop, but like Tamika's still on his back, so he's not gonna go in, like.

- You're gonna see Tamika's ear twitch that way, but then just like not even look that way, like, nope. Keep moving, big guy, let's go. We're not doing this, not doing this today. Let's go. - But you're making good time. - Jason's woth looks gone. - Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look, put a pin in it. So you guys are gonna make it quite, quite a ways. Like you have made great time and it's really tricky because you're almost to the point where if you rode the tree line, you'll be the closest that you can get to that Brugol encampment without like hitting the outskirts.

Like there is, it's real close because obviously the spot on the map is the core. There's, it just stretches out, orcs don't stop. So like- - Just looking at the map over here, I'll be back. - Sure, bye. - It makes sense too because when the book was made, this map is indication of, oh, this is kind of where they're at at this time. And I believe in theory, a lot of the orcs like to expand. That was one of the big issues, right? That they continue to go, yeah. - Big problem. The good news for you is they lost a good sized chunk of their ranks and they're, you know, they headed West.

They headed out to the coast. - But the guys that are left are the strongest of the ones that made it through. - Yes, and the meanest, and they've got something to prove now, like they're, you know what I mean? Like they're pretty pissed off. So you're gonna hear that shrieking again. I'd say there's like a 10 minute stretch where nothing happens. It's deathly, I imagine everybody stops when they hear that shrieking. It's like kind of a tenseness, like you're like, okay. And then you continue walking, you don't see anything. I need a perception check from everybody right now.

- Finally. - Oh, everybody's doing, well, most people are doing pretty good. (all laughing) - 19, 18, 19. - See you spoke too soon. (all laughing) - Oh, like everybody. - No. - Well, this is when everybody's doing Tamika down, right? - Yes, exactly. Yeah, just give me a minute. So it's 19, 18, 19, five. So, you know, they can't all be winners, but. Not like people can't all be winners, the roles can't all be winners. (all laughing) - Oh my God. - Here's the thing. It's gonna get deathly quiet again. It's one of those lulls where like you, after the screaming, you're like, okay, what is that?

Like, what the fuck is that? And you're gonna start kind of looking everywhere. Like you're kind of like, okay, you're getting a little paranoid, right? You know it's coming, it was coming from the South a bit, but like it's echoey. It's like, that's probably in the forest somewhere then. It's bouncing off trees. It's kind of tricking you into giving a position. And you're gonna like even start, you're gonna start looking into the sky, just like, okay, what? You know, it's been raining, but like, it's not, you know, like it's not a weird storm thing, right?

And you're gonna see some, you know, like birds in the distance and stuff like that. And like, they're a good clip away 'cause like, you know, like you can see them, but like, but there's one that like, it's messing with you because you're like, oh man, that's gotta be a pretty decent, you know, that's probably a pretty decent clip away. But then the more you look at it, you just realize it's massive and getting bigger. - As a bird? - Yeah, like a big, nasty, like the better everyone else gets a look at it here, the 18s and 19s. - I'm feeling real cold out right now.

- Wow. - Wow. - Sorry, well, because the numbers are such a discrepancy. I've brought up my, so you're gonna- - They're the star bellies. We have stars on our bellies. - Yeah, there's a, there's a, there's a sneak difference. So there's these bright, big red, orange plume, like just that, like, and, but the head of it looks to be almost like stone, like this rocky kind of- - There it is. - And you're like, can I get a, anyone trained in nature who didn't roll a five, can I get a, I love you. Can I get a nature check, please? - There's only one of us. - It's a petrichor.

- You say petrichor. - Yeah, that would be- - There he is. - Welcome back. - You're starting up. - 14. - There we go. - While we're talking about the divide and ghost stories and what's rumor and what's, there's, there are, there are certain creatures in the world that, they're not like dragons because, you know, there are a bunch of dragons in the world. Like they're held with reverence because it's, you know, they're massive creatures that can stomp you out and just extinguish your light like nothing. But then there are the creatures that you could obviously go your entire life without ever seeing any proof that they exist.

Like they're, you know, they're cryptids basically. There might only be one in existence. And one of them is something called the Grend. This thing has been known to exist somewhere in the divide, like, you know, these forested areas. And it has very rarely been spotted, but almost every time it has been spotted, it's aggressive. And this thing is coming right at you. Just so Petrichor would know, okay, holy shit. Like in an instant, it's like, oh, I know that thing. You know what I mean? It's like almost watching a dragon swoop down out of the clouds toward you.

It's like, oh shit. What, you know, you have a few precious seconds to like connect. It's like, this thing is a big mean bird that has almost evolutionarily speaking adapted to this specific shitty area in the world. And just like, it's like, okay, so I know what I need to do. This thing could take on a small platoon of orcs and probably be fine. Like it is nasty. - All right, so Petrichor is gonna see this. Can with this nature check, kind of do a little calculation. Are we seconds away from this thing pouncing on us and dropping out of the sky? Are we a little bit longer than that?

Like, is this like an impit, like ah, right now? Or is it like, we need to start running. We've got a couple minutes here kind of thing. I don't know. - You definitely, so I would measure your time in seconds. - All right. - This thing, this thing's like a small, like almost like a small private plane heading toward you. Like this thing is big and nasty and it's quick. - All right, so Petrichor is just gonna, out of nowhere, he's gonna, all right, y'all, y'all. And he's gonna say, scatter, stay close, get down. Right, and expecting everybody just to scatter, but stay close and get down into the grass.

- Well, this, you know what this sounds like? Go ahead. - I feel like we should make like one of my favorite Broadway plays and go into the woods. - I was gonna say the same thing. I feel like the woods, you can't get into the woods. - Well, hang on. Petrichor's reacting to this. He does not wanna go into the woods. - I see. - You're not gonna outrun the thing, like the distance, like you are on the, like the cusp of it, but you're definitely like probably like two, 300 yards away from it, right? You don't wanna be near. - From the, from what? So how far are we from the woods?

- From the tree line. - From the tree line. So he's saying, this is like seconds away, like Lieutenant on the ground. I see something happening. I'm just gonna make a quick call here. Scatter, stay close, get down. And he's gonna cast fog cloud. And so this is gonna be a 40 foot radius of just fog is gonna go. So we're gonna be obscured in least from vision. So that's because we can't run straight into the woods. Like we're not like next to the tree. This might buy us something for a second. That's what he's thinking. So this is this, so this thing swooping down at you is like think almost like a, like North by Northwest type of situation where you're all like, yeah, like three of you are like, huh, like you're all noticing it at once.

And then one of you makes the case, you're like, oh fuck. Like just get down, run, like just do anything because you have like two seconds before this thing's on top of you. So that's genius. The fog club thing is amazing. Can I get an acrobatics check from everybody with advantage because of this fog club. - Yay, Jesper. - Awesome. Could I throw something in for flavor? - Yeah. - Sure. - Rune's is going to toss Tamika forward and then try to get on top of her to like keep her safe. - I got my mind. - I mean, I think I didn't need it, but thank you. - I'm not going to waste my plus one for being at the show today.

I'm going to save that one. - That's not worth it. - So on advantage, I got a one. - Wow. - And I got a two. - Wow. - So what we've got here. - I got about advantage, I have to roll again. - You're fine. Don't worry. - Worse. - So we've got a 13, a 17, a 10, a nine and then a three. - I don't have perception, but I got acrobatics guys. - Terry's my guy. - Terry. - Terry, way to go. - Yay. - I'm proud of you Terry. - Tera bear, my man. - How's dog? - Dog's fine. Dog's low to the ground firstly. I feel like this is a situation where everybody, like not everybody, most of you saw the, I'm sorry to keep calling you out.

Most of you saw the thing coming and then like you hear, it's like get down and like obviously everybody moves except for Kanan. I feel like for whatever reason, like it's a weird lizard brain. Do I jump right or left? Like you just like, you get, but you end up doing nothing. - Yeah. - So that's a three total for your acrobatics. I, this thing, so this thing has a massive kind of reinforced beak. The rest of it is almost like a stone covering its head. Like it almost has like scale mail over its upper, like head portion. And I'm gonna have this thing roll an attack.

And if it hits, it's either going to slam you and knock you to the ground. And that's the best case scenario. Or it's gonna grab you in its beak. (groans) And that's just a bad situation all over. So, I don't wanna do this. - It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt. - Okay, here we go. It is a D20 plus six. (clears throat) - What? (gasps) - A crit one! - What? (laughs) - It's very punch made Mike. - Thank you, whatever patron exists in this fake world for saving my life. (laughs) - A crit one. So this, like, because of this fog cloud, right? It throws off those second by second bird calculations that allow fucking creatures like eagles to just pluck a trout out of the water.

Like it, like it's coming. You can see its eyes are almost like focused on you. And this cloud comes, like it comes up just in time and you are going to feel this gust of rushing air. And you're gonna feel feathers almost like part your hair as it goes over. You're almost gonna fall backwards. And this fog cloud is going to rapidly approach the ground and dissipate. And this thing is going to fly. And then you can see it circling back and coming back around. - Now I'm running. I'm running for the trees. - Everybody give me an athletics check. I'm just looking for an eight.

An eight or better right now. That's it. - Athletics. - Don't get advantage 'cause it's a dog. - Wait, would you say? - 13. - Athletics. - And I think it gets advantage because it's a dog. - Of course. - Ugh. - Yes. - That's a minus one on my athletics by the way. - Eight. - Petrichor rolled an eight. I said I was looking for eight or better. So now we just need Terry and Jesus. - Please Terry. - He trained in athletics. - Please Terry. - Yeah, he's good. It's all good. - Oh my God. - Holy shit. - He's in there saying, come on everybody. Come to the woods. - Yeah. Terry's, Terry wants to live.

- Yeah. (all laughing) - So that's a crit. - Terry's been floating through a whole ass thing. He's a stronger man. - He's gonna make a great paladin. Oh, dog gets advantage. It doesn't really like, yeah, the dog's fine. That's a 15. So you guys are gonna take off running and it's swooping back down, but it needs to adjust. So it's circling again. And you're like, if you're looking back as you're just sprinting, you're watching this, this tall grass kind of part. And like, it is so close to the ground that it is, you know, it's going to come back up and up ahead.

In the time it takes it to come back around, like you can see the beginnings of trees. It's not the thick tree line, but there are trees. If you can just get behind some trees, like it can't just swoop down and pluck you off the ground and take off because this thing could easily grab one of you and just go away. And that's it. Like, what do you do? Best case scenario, you hit it in the face and it lets go of you in midair. - Like fall a thousand feet. (all laughing) - Right, like this thing is going to take you wherever it nests and dissect you. So you are going, so here's what I need.

I need everyone to give me one more athletics. I'm looking for eight or higher. Now here's the thing. A failure doesn't necessarily mean, yo, you get plucked up, but I'm going to add a complication and we'll have to deal with it. So everybody do me a favor, give me athletics. - Real quick, is there anybody close to, who was like closest to petrichor? I'm going to do, I'm trying to do guidance. I'm trying to give somebody a little bit of an advantage here. Is it too late? - I don't know, dog. - Yeah, nevermind, forget it. Done. Nope, fuck you. - You took that from me, Jason.

- Tamika, I'll give you my plus one so you have seven. - I mean, I attended three sessions since the last time we recorded. I don't know if I could stack those. - No, like no, no, no, no. - I know. - I would stack them and give them away. - I burned them. I burned mine to give her seven. - That's because you're weak. No. Terry, athletics. - No. - Oh, he got eight. - Well, that's an eight. - Yeah, he buried that. - Terry's fine. He's trained in athletics. - Oh, my God. - And dog, dog gets, like it's just running. Dog gets advantage. Dog's fine. Ooh, we're up two. Take a 15, dog's fine.

So Tamika, so it's been raining all this time, right? And this grass is just getting clumpy and like you're running through and usually there's like some, there's stuff like cattails here and they're getting wet and they're kind of like smacking you in the face as you're running because sadly, Tamika is not a tall lady. So this has become a bit of a problem and Tamika is going to tumble forward on their right side and kind of roll and take a bunch of this grass, just kind of like lay it down. And the Grenda's going to swoop in, but Tamika is about five feet away from a tree.

So if you'd like, you can just continue to like roll a little bit, just like take advantage of that and get near a tree. - Yes. - But the Grenda isn't going to, okay. So the Grenda is going to realize that it's like, okay, I'm gonna bust my skull on that tree if I keep. So it is going to take both of its wings and stop full force. I need everybody to give me a constitution saving throw, except for Tamika. - The wind. - 19. - Three. - That's a crit one for Betricor. - Yeah. - 10. - So everyone except, well, Terry, shit, let me see Terry. Again, dog's pretty low to the ground.

I don't see this being too bad for, you know, for dog. She's probably cool. - Oh, Terry. - So both Petricor and Terry, it's like you're standing behind a jet almost. Like it is a sudden, just a blast of air. And it's gonna knock both of you back several feet and down. Like you just tumble down. And the ground is just gonna kind of tremble here as this thing lands. And it's like kind of cocking its head to the side, trying to get to Tamika. And there's a sizable oak tree right there, and it's trying to get the right vantage point so it can reach down and like snap at like Tamika's leg or something and try and drag her off.

And I'm gonna have it make an attack. - Am I allowed to do something for? - Yeah, do I have six seconds? - Anybody who's still standing can attempt to do something. - I wanna do Vicious Bakery. - Okay, I have me too. - Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna turn this into an encounter thing and I'm gonna have everybody roll initiative. So give me one moment. - Sure. - Okay. - But we're not gonna have time to do like, or are we doing a full round? - I mean, yeah. Like I'm treating it as if- - So movement, standard action, bonus action. It's all on the table.

- I would say yes. Because while this thing, 'cause it's six seconds, it's like eyeing it up, it's like, "Bitch, stop moving." Like it's, you know what I mean? Like it's very much- - It's unnerving to picture what like the image of the ground 'cause of the link Susan sent. I can picture it the way like my grandma had birds. And so when they would eat, I remember like the way they move, you know? So envisioning the grand move like that is really unnerving and scary the same way like- - You can see the dinosaur in them. It's weird. - Yeah. - Like it's very, yeah, it's cold and detached.

- Yeah, like this is my only goal, this thing, nothing else is- - All right. - All right, everybody. Here we are. - How's this grand? - This grand situation. So dog would be going first. I mean, dog, dog, here's the thing. This is out of dog's pay grade. Like I don't know if dog would, I guess I got to roll, right? Like- - I mean, dog can just bark and get behind something. - Yeah. - Yeah. - No, I mean, here's what I'll do. I'll roll a D20. Unless it's a five or lower, dogs get to bark. And just like back up, it's like, do you guys see that? Like, you know what I mean?

Like very, if it's a five or lower, then dog might attack. - No. - And I don't even know what that looks like. - Out of your mind, dog. - Dog's had a rough couple of days too. - Wait, wait, dog, come on. - And 15, dog will bark. - Tamika, there's a tree in between you and the grid. So if you were to look like, let's do a little, like right there, there's a tree. - Okay. - Right there. - Tamika's going to scramble, try to make herself as little as possible behind the tree, but then like root through her pack, pull out this little orange pebble, crack it and then go invisible.

- Oh, that's great for you and no one else. That is fantastic. - I'm the only one being attacked right now. Everyone else got further back. - Yeah, I mean, it's a distance of feet, but like, yeah. So is that it? Like, do you, are you moving? - And then scrambling back, probably just like another tree back. - Got it. Just the more trees you could put between you and this giant bird, good. - Yes. (laughs) - Is the grid on the ground? Like, yeah. - Yes. - Just making sure. - So not hovering or anything like that, but it is like, it's officially on the ground. Just kind of like, like it's doing that weird lean thing birds do.

It's like, hey girl, like it's really, you know what I mean? - Yeah. And the last thing before Tamika did that, it had its sight set on her leg. So her leg went invisible. - That's true. - Yeah. - Now it's got to look for a new leg. K'naan. - Okay. I'm terrified of what I should do. I need to make this thing believe it doesn't want to eat us anymore. Like it needs to back off. So. - It's got some time invested now where it's like, well I need to get something. - It's the hard part. Like an animal's just been doing it for so long. You're like, fuck. And it's not going to give up because it doesn't understand that concept.

- That bird is swole. - Let's go. Yeah, he's okay. It works out. That's another thing that really deters me from fighting you toe to toe. I'm going to Vicious Mockery, the grin. Because it doesn't have to understand me. It just needs to be able to hear me. And I'm pretty sure you can hear me. We're 15 feet apart. - Oh, absolutely. Yeah. - Okay. - I'll roll for it. What's the, it's wisdom? - Yeah. - Oh, it's wiser than you'd think it would be. - I mean, it's an animal. - Saved, normal. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. 14. - Baby. - What were we really looking for?

- I think it was looking for. - It's 14. - Yep, 14 right there. He, so it matches it. So it doesn't happen. Nothing, nothing else. So no damage, no nothing. So it's just Kinan just like, channeling the magic from his hands. It's a very big show. And the only thing it is, it's like he spits out a word like, "You fool." And it comes out looking like magic, but it just like turns into dust. - And the ground's like. (laughing) - Nothing. - Just not, like it's like. - I will move. - I don't know if you got any of that. - I will move back behind a couple more trees if possible.

- So yeah, everyone, yeah, okay. That's good. That's good. Trees are good. - Petrichor. Down on the ground a bit and back. - Yeah. It's still able to, I mean, from the ground still able to cast a spell. He's gonna, he's gonna, right where runes is, just like runes is basically the front guard at this point, but where that tree was that Tamika was behind, right around in there, right around in there. Point, pinpoint this area, and he's gonna cast spike growth. What's gonna end up happening is, it's gonna be a 20 foot radius that it's gonna end up being difficult terrain for the next 10 minutes or so.

And when any creature moves into or within that area, 2D4 piercing damage for every five feet. So it should just keep getting some damage if it hangs out. - Very metal. I like it. - And it's in it. I wanna make sure that the point that it is, it's not like, oh, I better not touch that. It's, that terrain has now become spike growth. - Got it. Okay. So there's, yeah. - Yeah. - Okay. - Nothing else to it. - Runes, you're up. - All right. Can I trade a standard action for a bonus action? So I can do two bonus actions. - You can trade down. Yeah, you can trade down. - All right.

Well, first he's going to turn on his heel and run directly in front of Tamika. Then I am going to spend one key point to activate patient defense. And then I'm going to rage, which is my other bonus action. - That's sick. - Wow. That's really good. Shit, like really good. - Thank you. I was planning it ahead of time. - Good, good, good. - So the grand is going to come up. - Not to be a wet blanket, but don't you have to. - I checked. I checked, it's allowed. Key points are not spells. So I'm not casting them. So I can use them. - I'm worried about the rage turning off.

When does it turn off? Cause you have to hit something, don't you? - It has to be since my last turn. So it'll last through this turn. And as long as I hit next turn, it should work. - Okay, nevermind. You got it, you got it. You know what you're doing. - It's basically doing it all defensively. So it's happening. Yeah, that's good. - It's been avoided since your last turn. - Got it. - I should have known. - That's good. - Yeah. - That's good. - Shit. - So the grand is instantly like they're like, everything's like prickly and sharp. And this even like the tree, I imagine it's, it's like a symbiote almost like there's just shit all over.

And the, the, the grants immediately got to react like, fuck out like, and it's going to pack at this tree and then use one of its legs to just kick it over. Like the entire tree, it is going to like start to swing back, but it's also going to just like take flight again. Like it's like, fuck this. But like, it's just, it, like, it saw the tree as the problem. It's like, oh, that's, that's the new thing. Like, that's gotta be, this tree has been the bane of my existence. It made that, that, that dog girl invisible. It's gotta be like, it's just, it's fuck this tree.

- And 2D4 piercing damage while this is happening. - Hell yeah. - Exactly right. So it's gonna, it's like, you know what? I'm not worth it. I'm going to go eat a gazelle or something. Fuck this. Like it's just going to take flight as you guys back off into the forest just to make sure it's like, if this thing comes back, I think that's a good time for us to stop for the day. - Hell yeah. One round of combat that was fucking nerve wracking. - Oh my God. - That was fucking awesome. - We're going to pick things up in the dead wood. - It's just a few feet in. - Look, don't give me the, just the tip of the dead wood.

Just don't give me like, look, you're in it. - I'm finally here baby. I was always meant to be here. - As soon as we cross that threshold, the dead wood's like, oh, okay. Now you don't know how to get out. Bye. - I can see it. It's right there. I want to thank everyone in my life who let this happen. You've all helped me get here to this place. - It's not as haunted as Blacktip Forest, but it's pretty. - Okay, Alex, let's do group A luck versus group, what, your B at that point luck? Let's take group A luck where we just skipped it. - What a fun six episode arc in the dead wood.

- Man, memories, right guys? - I mean, group A was very scary. They really don't have one episode. - Yeah, they got through it. That was not fair. Everyone was learning. - That is so cool. All right, well, GG guys. - That was a good one. What a solid session. Holy shit.